Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 305 -Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: August 19, 2015

Have you ever wanted a man goo shampoo? Well now you can hear what that sounds like! DJ Poly-Bi scratches some cool new jams. The jeans discuss car farts, a new movie pitch, relatives sending naked baby pics and tragic news about King Ass Ripper - WARNING - this will make your jeans low and loose. It's ALL HERE! Pull em up! Here we go.   

God is real, God blesses a nigga, but wow, amen. Also featuring FeeFo. A hoe who gets paid is a hoe that can stay. That's where I've been doing it since I was seven years old. If I know. So, but I can tell, I can tell by the odor, whether it's going to be a, you know, a brick or it's going to be a sloppy job. Oh my god, seriously? I'm not gay, but I'd rather suck a vegan cop than lick a carnous pussade.

Hey buddy, how you doing? And then I sing swears, like, nigger, fucking camp, big words, you know? Who doesn't have nine consecutive orgasms at soccer practice? It's normal. Cool stuff, slick stuff, neat stuff. Jeans are posed down. You guys are into that, right? Okay, man. So, don't forget to join your mommies every Wednesday for a mass accident of fun and debauchery.

Red, red, why don't make a film so fine? Try to stand like the blacks as much as we can. Yeah, the rhymes gay shit, it's like, keeps me rocking all of the time. Like, red, red wine keeps you rocking all of the time. We are a UB4, we are Jamaican, we have the fun. White niggers. Hello? You hear me? Yeah, a little bit, that's really low.

My volume, is that? Yeah. Oh, there we go, okay. That's my new favorite. Oh, there we are, whoa. Well, that's a new song. Chris Walmsley, thanks buddy, nice job. That was a fun song. Cool jeans.

Cool jeans, nice. A lot of big words. There were some big words I didn't really, I hadn't heard, I just gave it the play. Yeah, we should have maybe given a thorough. Maybe we should give it more thorough. Listen, god damn it. All right. They've definitely met big words quota for this episode.

Yep, let's kind of dial it back. And it was actually, I had no idea that he was gonna, because I didn't hear the whole second half of it, that white, making fun of the white Jamaicans, we played the white Jamaican on the last one. Oh, that's right, sure. Yeah, it's kind of funny. I thought you were gonna say white something else. I didn't know.

Nope. Jamaican was good. Jamaican, the white Jamaican. Come on, Jamaican. It's a lot of big words. We're here, thank you, jeans. We're Polly and we're by and we're doing it right. Check it out.

It's Wednesday, of course, and your main jeans, I'm in Ohio still. I haven't left Ohio. Wait a minute, you're saying you're the main jeans just like that? I am the main jeans. The main jeans are the main mommy, because- The main jeans. So I'm the main mommy now, because I'm giving, I'm- I've handed that over.

Yeah. And now you're the main jeans. That sounds fair to me, I'm not, you know. Yeah. I think that's fine. Primo, jeans, numero- I don't know, a primo- I am the tightest jeans anyone's ever wore.

Oh boy, okay. You're the main mommy, you have a life inside of you. So peep this, God. I'm in Dayton, Ohio. What's up, Dayton? And I'm at Wiley's tonight. It's one show only. Please make it a celebration.

Let's do it really big tonight in Dayton at Wiley's. It's Wednesday. And then on Sunday, I'm going to Lexington, Kentucky. And I am doing comedy off Broadway. Never been there. I've only been in Louisville for my life. So looking forward to Lexington. After that, T-buns, that be me.

I'm going to be at, let's see, I'm on Hawaii. I'm going to do one show in Honolulu. Crossroad at Hawaiian Bryant. It's Hawaii. Hawaii. And it's going to be fun, I think. I'm excited. Never done stand up in Hawaii.

And then I do a little kind of dirty, dirty, a little South stuff. I'm doing Charlotte Comedy Zone one night only. Charlotte. Charlotte, North Carolina. And then Raleigh, you have one for that the next night. I'm not very good. I'm not like Fartley.

That's pretty good. Yeah. And then the Howard Theater in Washington, D.C. on the 18th. Nothing for that, right? Fartland Theater. The Fartland. I mean, you know, let me work on it. St. Boobus, Missouri.

The Ready Room on the 19th. And finally, I think it's Deja Vu. Oh, ooh. In Columbia, Missouri. I don't know. Deja Vu is a tie for the best club name with Broomers. Broomers. I heard you were funny.

I'm going back. I know. It's not official yet. I mean, it's official, but it's not announced yet. But I'm going to Winnipeg. Well, what do you think's a better club name, though? Broomers or Deja Vu? I like Broomers.

Why do you think they called it Deja Vu? What's the thinking? You think you've been here before? You haven't. You think you've heard Hackey comedy before? You're about to hear some new Hackey shit. Tom, take, go ahead up there. Hack it up.

You know the difference between cats and dogs? You want to hear airplane jokes? We got them. Oh, I got plenty of those. Deja Vu. Oh, that's right. But yours aren't like, I mean, what's the deal? What's the miniature sized food?

I was going over my set before I shot, and like I ran it the week before in Portland, and my buddy Josh was with me. He's like, we're talking about like dropping something. He's like, I mean, yeah, anytime you can cut anything out of, you know, an airplane bit out of your act, it's good. I was like, God damn it, too. Well, I had Matt Champagne one time in another comic go,

oh, Christina, you certainly got a lot of fart jokes in your act. And you're like, uh, yeah. Yeah, it's my lane. I'm fart comic. Oh, I live in the sky. What am I supposed to do? I live in the sky. You really, did you hear my fart just now?

Yeah, of course I did. And I'm really, oh my God. Oh, oh my God. It's unreal. Don't do, don't do that shit. Do not, do not. Don't do that. What am I supposed to do, stew in it?

Dude, stop doing that. Do you smell it? Fuck, come on. What am I supposed to do? Stop doing that. That's not cool. I'm serious. I got a fan in a way.

Stop it. It's not cool, man. Yeah, it is yours. Are you fucking stewing it? Give me that fucking thing. No, babe, I can't stew it. Please, why are you trying? I'm trying to talk.

It gets in my mouth and stuff. So disgusting. So sick of this. Oh my God, I haven't laughed this hard in weeks. Stop it. I can't, what am I supposed to do? I can't stew in it, babe. It's choking me.

It smells so bad. God, it's rotten, right? You're so rotten. I'm so tired of this. What do you think it smells like? It smells like you just shit yourself. What do you mean what does it smell like?

00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:07,880 It smells like a dirty diaper already. It's ridiculous. Poof, that was intense. Oh, my mouth was open. I tasted it. You know what though? In my defense, yours have smelled just as bad in the past. I feel like this is payback time.

It's payback time for snores and farts. Yours have been rottener. Yours have been way worser. Nope. Over the years, way worser. That was good. Thanks, Jeans. That was real, that was real good.

Oh, real good. Oh, real fun. Oh, real good. You ready to do this? I am, yeah. Let's partay. Now, I'm going to film some of this with you here alone because what's going to happen?

All these guys are going to materialize all over the place, okay? And then what you'll do is you're basically going to lean back here. Ash is going to come in here like this with her gloves on. You're going to put your head back in here where there's some schools up here because what the guys are going to do, honey, they're going to come up here

and they're going to jack off in your hair, okay? So all you got to do when they're doing this is keep your head laying back here and Ash is going to be massaging the comb into your hair. Okay. Okay, and this is really good for you because that's solid protein in the hair. This shit is big time.

Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. No mom in the fucking stand. Welcome, welcome, welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura, Tom Sutsu. Christina Positsi, Christina Positsi. Welcome to your mom's house. Can knock it over your farts.

Did you just smell the one that I farted during your stamps read? Do you smell it? Of course, man. Come on. What's happening to you? It's just it's a miracle of life. It stinks. The miracle of life just smells?

Yeah, this happens. It's just, it happens to pregnant ladies. All my insides are jumbled and hormonal things happen and everything I eat is poison. It's made me rethink having the kid. Are you done? Are you going to go out DJing now and you're never going to return? Hey, can I give you your DJ name?

I thought that it was a really good submission today via Twitter. Okay, okay. No, I'm partial. Well, let me ask you. I shouldn't say what I think. What's your, what are you leaning towards right now? I really like DJ Dad Mouth. Yeah, I like that one too.

I smell your fart. Really? Yeah, it stinks so bad. Really? Wow. I like DJ Dirt Whittle. Dirt Whittle? What's with the lift today?

I don't know. It's lifting on it. What's going on? Are you tired? I used to see speech therapists for it. Oh, for real? Every once in a while it creeps back in. Really?

Yeah. Maybe you're regressing today. Something's... Yeah, maybe it's your fart that's like polluting my mind. That's really unfair. So DJ Dad Mouth, I like that one. I like DJ Dad Mouth, DJ Dirt Whistle, and I like... Yeah, DJ Whistle's great.

No, I'm trying to think while I'm giggling on. I'm giggling, man. Now, how much did that mix or cost you that you're... This one? Yeah, the one that you're scratching on right now. This is like... This is a cheap one. It's like $5,500.

Cool. And then $7,000 for... My tables. ...tables, and then the speakers are... $12,000. Okay. I mean, we can have the baby in the hospital or not. We can have it at home.

It's probably cheaper. It's way cheaper. That's what... And you know what? This stuff helped us make that decision. Now we don't have to really weigh it as much. Because now we just know we got the tub. You know, you get the inflatable pull, the kiddie pull.

That's what I was going to say. I don't need a doula. I can actually just kind of read online how to give birth. I've watched some videos. I can talk myself through it. So what's your favorite? Tell me your favorites. So this one I thought was pretty...

It's like, why didn't I think of this? Submitted today from JoshJax at JoshUnderscoreJax. He goes, I got it. I got it. DJ Polly By. That's pretty good. It's really good. That's pretty good.

I like DJ Polly By. I kind of like that, too. DJ Polly By. DJ Polly By. It's pretty good. I'm Polly and I'm By. There you go. And that's your opening.

You're like... I'm proud to have come out as polyamorous. And now I'm excited to share that I'm bisexual. I'm excited to share that... I'm Polly and I'm By. Hello, Amsterdam. David, do it. I'm good.

I'm Amsterdam. I'm Polly and I'm By. I'm Polly and I'm By. I'm Polly and I'm By. There you go. I'm Polly and I'm By. You like it. Proud to say I'm bisexual.

I'm Polly and I'm By. Yeah. Dad. Buddy. Hey, I gotta tell you something. I'm Polly and I'm By. What's that? I'm Polly and I'm By.

I love it. Yeah. Yeah, Dad. I love it. Kids... I mean, parents need to know that, you know? Everybody needs to know what makes your dick hard. Megan and I have been together for nearly three years.

She's a beautiful girl who I'm very much in love with and I have a lot in common with. I can't wait to get home and jump in the pool. The pool. I can't wait to get home and jump in the pool. He is absurd. But does he... What do you think he was all...

He always talked that way or that's... I think it's developed. I think it's a learned thing. Yeah. I can't wait to get home in the pool. I'm going to fluid bond with Jesse. I'm going to fluid bond with Jesse. Are you questioning that?

You don't know where the fluid's coming from? Jesse. I don't know who's coming in me. And Jesse. She knows. It's just Jesse. Her own husband can't fluid bond. Well, speaking of come, I mean, what do you think of that?

I know. I was... I wanted to table it because I was so excited about your DJing. But that's an amazing clip. Yeah. Thank you. What's happening here? Well, I'm trying to figure it out and I know you might be also.

I like the last. This is always like the porn laugh. The porn girl laugh. Oh, my God. The scene starts right here. I'm going to film some of this with you here alone because what's going to happen? Right. Where is it?

I guess sexy she is. She is. I guess sexy she is. It's behind the scenes. Oh, I just smoke her laugh. I'm going to film some of this with you here alone. She has for a cigarette. During it.

Oh, there you go. Yeah. Yeah. See? I'm going to materialize all over the place. Okay. Listen. And then what you'll do is, you know, you're basically just going to lean back here.

Ash is going to come in here like this with her gloves on. You're going to put your head back in here. We're going to put some spools up here because what the guys are going to do, honey? They're going to come up here and they're going to jack off in your hair. Okay. You want a cigarette? Oh, see? What you got to do when they're doing this is keep your head laying back here.

Yeah. Ash is going to be massaging the comb into your hair. Okay. Okay. You're going to just put it in your hair because it's soft parking in the hair. Yeah. It is like, you know, another laugh. These are the old faces we know.

Yeah. What do they do? So is that the scene where they massage the comb in the hair? This is behind the scene. So they're preparing her for this big scene, you know? Big scene. I'm going to put it in her forehead or on her hair, okay? I was telling you guys that.

One at a time to my other side. So the idea of this scene is that it's a huge... Yeah, please explain it. So it's a huge bukkake scene, but it's done at a salon. So she's sitting in a salon chair leaning back into the sink and then the dudes are supposed to release. Come in her hair. And then a girl.

So it's like... It's like a shampoo. Yeah, it's like a shampoo. That's somebody's fantasy. Absolutely. My favorite is when on things like this, one of the directors giving everyone instructions before things go, there's already guys that are like stroking themselves.

Like, right, right. Got it. Got it. Yeah, listening to the director. You are not ready to come. Do not come here and block the views. Okay? Okay.

Thank you. All you're doing is posing to the other man to beat off to you and you're becoming a potential homosexual star. Well, a little joke. I like how the girls who they're going to have their hair come in are just not paying attention at all. They're totally distracting. I want a cigarette.

Yep, totally. More behind the scenes. Technically, this is all for AshleyGlue.net, which is owned by Jam. Okay. Oh, gross. What's happening? I'm looking at the hair. It's pretty gross.

How much comes in there? It looks like there's a good bit. Looks like a lot. How many guys? There was a room full of guys. Here, she'll take you to somebody. There's a room full of guys. Like, yes.

Yeah. It was like. There's a lot. It was, it was a lot. How much do you think she got paid for that scene? Because let's, let's be real. Having someone come in your hair is not that big of a deal. It's not a big deal.

I've seen it in airports. You know, I told you I'm up in the sky a lot. It's not a big deal. Like you would do that scene, right? Yeah. Not a big deal. I could do it tomorrow. I know.

I have to travel, so it's going to be hard. But I could do it right before I leave. But I feel like you shouldn't even get paid for that. It's like not even really porno to be the one who gets come done. I like what you're, I like what you're saying. How much do you think? $50? Yeah.

50 bucks. 100 bucks. 100 bucks was a lot. $100 is a lot of money. It's a lot of money. I mean, would you do this scene? Yeah, of course. I've done it.

You, you already done the scene? Sure. Hmm. Is her hair long? It's like shoulder length. It's not that long. Yeah. Maybe a little longer, a little past the shoulders.

Yeah. She definitely got a lot of comb in her hair. It's pretty gross. Just a massage it into our scalp? Well, I think the other girl played the, uh, you know, the salon assistant. Yeah. You know, I usually get bummed out by your porno clips,

but this one's kind of nice. It's kind of nice, right? It's like sweet. It's like a friendlier one. Yeah. Yeah. What do you think your mom would say if you showed this, sir? This would really, really upset and kind of end things

with that relationship, I think. I had another one set up. I didn't have time to, uh, um, completely get into it, but I really kind of, I loved the, the audio. I mean, if I can be so bold, I'd like to, I'd like to, I think it's here. Let me see if I can.

Ah, man. Let's even sing out. Yeah. Is that your stomach? That was my stomach. Yeah. You heard that? Yeah.

Wow. Is it hunger or fart? It's hunger. Yeah. You're hungry? Yep. I am. You want a snack?

I mean, I can wait. Listen, I got a pee. Let's pause for a moment. You got a pee? Okay. Okay. Okay. Hold on a second.

Hold on a second. All right. Took a break. You make a peachy. You know, I took it down here in the office. We share communal toilet ladies room. And I made brown. And then the neighbor lady, she went in there and she left the fan on.

She's next door. That's what I know. Well, I know. I know, man. What were we talking about? Oh, this coming in hair. Yeah. Porno clip.

Yeah, I found, I found this. Oh my gosh. I found this other one that I wanted to show you. Play for you. Yeah. It's pretty great. I'm ready. This one is, I think it's really funny.

That's not audio. I can't wait to watch that come shot. Like was my, was I like gaping, gaping when you came in it or not? Yeah. Yes, you were absolutely gaping. That's gonna look cool. There's definitely come inside your bottle. Hey, have I ever come anywhere but your blood hole?

Um, I think me and Gabby Peltrova was a double facial. Yeah. Yeah. Um, yep. I think you've always do come in my butthole. It's like, have you done the Toledo funny bone that one time? Yeah, I've been there. Oh, wait a minute.

Yeah, I've done it. No, I always go to the funny. Right. It's like they, they're talking about nothing. That's great. It's funny clip. Amused me. I was very immune.

I love it. I always feel positive after we play these porno clips. You know what she sounded like was Kat Von D. She was like, like dopey, like so Cal voice. I made fun of her voice one time on Rogan and they got, they got all mad at me. Wow. Everyone, I like Kat Von D. I like her too, but her voice is like, yeah, dude, I got this idea.

Yeah. Like we're going to sketch out these things and it's going to be fucking rad. She's always like, oh, dude, I'm so stoked working on this new thing. Arts can be rad. I got this shoe line coming and like some pretty cool rings. It's going to be fucking rad, bros. Yeah. All right, bro.

I dig you. I love her. I dig you, bro. It's all, it's all good. It's all love, baby. You know, speaking of gross shit, Jesus man, you really fucking turn it up. We got like really alarming news. Oh God, are we ready to go there right now?

I don't know. I mean, do you want to ease into it? I honestly want some coming your hair to like kind of ease the tension. Soothe my temples and his protein is really good for your hair. Do you think it is? Yeah, I'm sure it is. But is it, is it that great for you? I don't think so.

I mean, I don't think a doctor is going to be like, you really should be doing that. You know, I mean, like only like like a white Tigris would probably, you know, practice, practice who's really, you know, really. I want to talk a little bit about the white Tigris practices. I practice as a white Tigris for about a year. In the oral sex tradition, there's a lot of things like, for example, we have a technique where you're really sucking deeply the penis and you're almost like gagging on it. And when I first heard about this technique and then saw it, I was like, oh my goodness.

And it was, it was like the thing that came up in me was that it's degrading to women or the technique where you're holding the back of the head and the man is holding her head and then circling his hips and grinding his penis into her mouth. How enjoyable it is to have his penis inside of your mouth. All right, I got it. I got the white Tigris. You know what's interesting is I was, I was discussing Kim Ayan with my friend, Shauna, who was visiting and Kim Ayan is what is also amazed.

What is amazed? And Shauna brought up a really good point. Right. Is that Kim Ayan is essentially trying to justify her career in pornography. Like she's trying to make it more dignified by being like with two gentlemen with large penis. Like she's trying to legitimize what she does. I have a doctorate, two master degree.

Right. Cause she's like, she thinks she's like a smart lady. You know, she just, she does it cause she wants to kind of. Kim Ayan in my country. I am a dumb young suck. And I, uh, dumb young dog. Is that her name? Echo.

Yeah. Kim Ayan. Kim Ayan. Dumb young suck. He's known as dumb young suck. Can't come long. Come hard. Come in hair.

Come in suck. Come dry. Really a mature top. She is, she's, she feels the need. She's classing it up. Yeah. She's, she's, what is it? Putting lipstick on the pig.

But probably cause there's some shame in doing it. Right. That's why she's dressing it up in her heart. What do you call that? Rictum. Rictum. But then that was also, this was like the. Rictum.

This is the YouTube friendly clip. But you go, remember you go to the site and she's like, that's a big car. Right. It's just porno. Like she's just doing porno. But then the YouTube clip justifies her pig-ish behavior. Pig-ish.

Don't you dare talk about Kim Ayan like that. Dumb young dog. What is it? Dumb, dumb young suck. My, my English name is Kim Ayan. My birth name is Dumb Young Suck. I love your Kim Ayan. I love your Kim Ayan.

It's so good. Comes in my hair. It never gets old to me. Do you judge me? Judge me? Pulled on hard. I really like it. I really like it.

It's so much fun to think of those dumb names. Yeah. Kim Ayan. Kim Ayan. Kim Ayan. Kim Ayan. What if Kim, what if Kim Ayan was your mom? Oh my God.

Oh, she has kids for sure. That's the thing is. Also on the plane crash, KTV has just learned the names of the four pilots who were on board the flight. They are Captain Sum Ting Wong, We Too Low, Ho Lee Fook, and Bang Ding Alph. Come on.

It's good. It's too good. It's too good. Anyway, Kim Ayan, probably a grandmother. Well, she's, she's, she's such a milk. But she's a gilf. Let's be real. Yeah.

She's trying to try to play younger than she is. Well, yeah. I think it's because the milk term, this is why I think in. Sure, explain it. Yeah. The marketing of it is that the milk term is a popular term.

Sure. So the site I think was called 60 plus milfs. Milfs, yeah. They should call them gilfs, but milf I bet is a more popular search. Yeah. Therefore they call it milfs. Wow, you're smart.

You know, you know so much about pornography. I mean, I was, I've been producing it for like 47 years. I'm the, I'm the king of improv, you know? So I just kind of. Oh, that's right. I forgot about the king of improv. Yeah. Wow.

If I may say so myself. I don't know how to do it. King of improv. So. There you go. There you go, Steven. Just you give me an idea and then I'll just, I'll get it out.

I mean, there's no, that was a fuck with the script. I just know how to get there. That's so unbelievable. It's so. Unbelievable. Disrespectful to everybody involved in the production. Yeah. Just so you know.

Yeah, bro. You just, you kicky foot. That's your style. Kicky punch, piggy punch, kicky punch, kicky punch. Yeah.

I can't kicky punch like he can. And that's, that's his thing. But learn the fucking lines. Learn to find the lines. That's the biggest thing you got to do. But okay. So back to your astonishing announcement that you're going to be making.

The news came across the wires on Twitter yesterday. And I was stunned. I shared it with Tom. He's shocked and stunned. We don't know what to make of it. We haven't really gone into it too deeply because we wanted to kind of explore this live with you guys.

And that is. I'm upset. I can't do this. I mean. It seems that King Astripper is no longer farting. Oh, damn. I'll tell you. Are you done ruining the show?

Yeah. So here's the tweet that we got. This is from, from at King Can of Beans. And he wrote, he completely changed, he completely changed his name now. Here's his official channel.

And there's a whole new YouTube channel. And he says that he's salvaged some of the fart videos. This guy at King Can of Beans. But that the fart videos are no more. It's unbelievable. Now look at Live Leak. Are they still up on, is he still on Live Leak as,

as a King Astripper? They're gone. Shut up. You got to be kidding me. The videos are gone. It's gone. The page is there. Oh my God.

The channel subscribers are there. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. I think he took them down. What are we going to do? I don't know, man. I think, I got to say,

I think we have a part in this. I think so too. I think it's when we went to Rogan. I think it was the Joe Rogan effect that. It scared him. You put him over the top. Do you know how many AKAs he has?

00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:39,960 Do you want to hear them all? Yeah. They are. I fart in your face. Harry and Gross, Harry Astripper, King Astripper, King Ripper,

Harry and Gross 313, Gassy Glutton, Harry and Gross Glutton 25, Gross Glutton, Harry and Gross Slop, Glutton Manners, Glutton is Slop. I see a trend in the names though.

I cannot believe that his fart videos are gone. I mean, this is, this is actually really depressing. Really depressing. This is terrible. I mean, we just have the audio. I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know what to do.

Do you know what to do with yourself? I don't know what to do. Fuck. You know, we were talking about as artists, when artists reinvent themselves. Yes. And he, he's not like I'm done, done with everything,

but he's, he decided to make a. You all right? Yeah. Throw up a little. A little bit. He decided to make a change. And shift his artistry. I respect it in a way.

His fartistry. His fartistry is, is changing. I respect an artist making a change. But this is really hard. I mean, like Prince didn't say like, you can't listen to that old music. Right. He said, I'm, you know, I'm the artist formerly known as.

Eddie Murphy didn't go, you can't watch raw or delirious. Or I'm going to take it down from everywhere. Like it's just gone. Yeah, I agree. Like you leave your opus up so that the fans can enjoy your earlier work. And then you move on.

Hoping that they join you. Nobody could fuck with this dude's farts. Nobody, nobody, nobody. Even a mystery thing. Why would you take down the? Why would you not want the views, man? I don't understand. Why would you take down what people love?

What was that? Where is that coming from? I didn't do that. Oh, well, why would you deprive the people of what they love and what they cry for? I don't understand this. I'm so upset. So.

I don't understand it. So his new alias. He's on, hold on. He's on YouTube now as, hold on. What is it, Jeans? His new thing now, I'll give you a taste. Gluttonous slob. He's got a gluttonous slob on YouTube.

Sucks. Sucks. This fucking slob. He's eating a lot. Right. But without the farts, what's the point? Yeah, he's drinking soda. What's the point?

I think he's burping a lot more now. Yeah, but. He's eating just sliced turkey pieces. It's it's pieces of sliced, sliced ham that's on his hairy chest and he's pulling them up and eating them off of his chest. I like his belches. They're good. Yeah, they're good belches.

He's eating a lot. Ew, ew, ew. I don't like that. I don't like when he slaps his belly. Jesus. Oh, he's eating a chopper. It's a lot of burps now. Wow.

Root beer. Wow. What's this babe? Is this? That was combining his burps and his burps together. You know? All right. Well, that's the mix.

I feel like it's the end of an era. I feel like we've lost a piece of your mom's house history. For sure. You know what we did? We scared him away. I think we overexposed him on Joe Rogan's show and he got spooked. Most people would not, you know, would not react that way. I just don't think that.

Well, maybe he's a niche product. Maybe he prefers to keep a small family snack today. Somebody put this on. Somebody put this on lively. I don't think it's him. And it's just called the King Ash Ripper. And then underneath the God is back. Consist of eight piece fucking, eight drumsticks,

eight fucking chicken legs right from KFC. Oh, oh, yeah. All fucking chicken legs that I'm going to fucking drench in mayonnaise and shove down my fucking throat. Jeez. God, he's so gross. It's amazing. Oh, he's hairy and gross.

Let's see. OK, hold on. Is there? Oh, somebody has put up one of his fart compilations. Oh, my God, my heart just skipped a beat. Oh, thank God. I was I was getting really. We got to get this out there and get this immediately.

Whoever knows how to rip these and like make sure you start doing this. We need to get this out there. Where can they find us? Well, I did a Google search of King Ash Ripper and it's a live leak. It says King Ash Ripper fart montage, but it's not his page. So somebody ripped it. Thank you for keeping the heritage. Yeah, it's like we have to preserve.

We absolutely have to. Yeah, somebody's still there in his glory. He's laying on the mattress farting. All right. Well, guys, please keep these videos going. OK, here's another one. Oh, my God, I want your children not to see these. I mean, if these imagine if these were all gone, we're in trouble.

I mean, there's museums for a reason, right? Oh, this one is just horrific. It's called Rip and Massive Farts Part Four. Farting. And it's it's the one where the he's wearing his white died eyes and it's so brown and torn. It's really hard to watch. Oh, this one's he's looking through the kitchen.

Stop it. Oh, and he's like, isn't it you? So playful. Anyway, is it in here? Guys, please preserve his fucking video. Legacy. I can't believe he's been scared. We should have, you know, we should have.

No, we did the right thing. Don't you question if we did the right? We did the right thing. We did the right thing. I had thought that bringing it to Joe Rogan and putting him on that platform would help him. It of course helps him. The view count goes through the roof.

It would up his business, but that maybe he wants to stay, you know, he's an underground king. He's UK. I mean, I can relate to it in a way because of basically right now, how I've been like scratching. Oh my God. I'm not ready for that top line exposure yet. I'm just having fun like doing like small parties and like, you know,

I mean, This doesn't sound repetitive to you at all. It sounds like heaven to me. So boring. I got to say that kind of music or like like rave or music. Remember like in the nineties and the early 2000s and everybody was dropping ecstasy and listening that garbage dog shit music. That's that was the worst time in human history.

You know what I mean? There's the Holocaust and then there was Jesus that kind of music. Really? Second way to the Holocaust, huh? Yeah. It's a bit extreme. The depression era and then and then house music or what is that? Bit extreme.

House music. What was that called? Fart music. I love that song. Get ready for the lunch. Are you going to mix that into your DJs? I closetly love that song. Everyone.

That's a good one. I will. Oh, you did like the one? Okay. That and I like tricky. But as earlier when it goes, I can't get no sleep, sleep. Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep. Yeah.

Yeah. Zub. And I'm going to sleep. Da, da, da, da, da, da. No, no, that was terrible. That's terrible. All right. Here we go.

I like it, man. I even, here's how much I like this song. Yeah. I bought an album one time. It was 10 versions of this. Remixed. Just every different version you can, because they have, you know, all the different.

Right. They have to do it 20 times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They can make it. But I actually, I like the OG the most. Everyone does. Here we go. Yeah.

You're such a euro trash. I mean, in your car and you're alone and this is on. Come on. Come on. Give me that. Give me that Molly, bro. Give me the Molly, bro. Close stick.

Close stick. Yeah. Dance, dance, dance. You know what I say? Four, three, yeah. You're in Romania. Oh, yeah. The dance floor.

You're wearing white linen. And I'm like, I'm not from here. I'm American. And then I'm like, if you want to play this everywhere in Hungary. You want to make a dance with us? Like a new group of friends? Dancing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I want to make a dance. Make a dancing party. You have a passport? Dancing, dancing. We see your passport. Oh, no. Okay. Yeah, yeah, here.

Have a sip of this. Okay. Natalia. She's going to show you a nice time. Everything fun tonight. Oh, thanks, guys. You wake up in a bathtub full of ice. Kidney's missing.

Where's Natalia? This is unbelievable. I love it. So, Eero Trash. And we also got a word that our dear friend, who I got to say, I'm a little, I feel a little bit of like shame that he's, he's out of our life completely. He's out of my life.

Shane Lee is doing impressions now. Oh, God, today's really, a really day of change. A little bit high falling there. Big changes at your mom's house. He's doing a lot of his videos shirtless now. And no exaggeration. He put up on August 9th,

one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23 videos. Yeah. Well, it's quantity, not quality. That's a lot of videos, man. The audience demands it. Oh, some of them are really short.

Okay. I don't know what's going on. Still here, Joe Cool. That's one of his videos. When I wrap these pythons around your head, you'll see just how tough I am. Oh, he's, he's in a little bit of a beef with somebody. Some guy named Joe Cool.

The poor little pussy, meow, meow. Oh, he hasn't fixed a smoke detector yet. How is that thing still running? It's been months. It's been months since we talked to him. How is that still? Yeah, it should be dead by now. It should be.

These are a lot of videos, man. Well, is there a really good impression there? Yeah, let's see. I mean, he's a good singer, but he's also a good impressionist. Tonight, it's me, Shane Lee, and I'm just having a field day putting up videos that say we're on a shoot just like in my videos. I'm going to mass produce videos. Oh, dear.

Okay. And let's just see if there's an impression. Here's a beatbox. Shane Lee. Freestyle. Um, I always like to beatbox. Maybe you guys can go on the road together as an act. The two of us do our thing.

All right. So you DJ boxes. Today, what I'm going to do is I want to freestyle the song and just beatbox around for you a little bit. And not going to use no microphone. Just my headset here. And I'm trying to teach you how to do that, bro. Yes, your abilities, too.

Do, do, do, do, do, do. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking, too. There you go. All right. So he's still kind of doing the, he's still doing this thing. Do you think, man? Are you still doing it? I have a feeling he would love to go on the road with you

as you and DJ dad mouth. I mean, Shane Lee and DJ dad mouth. Here's an impersonation finally. They get it. Now, the next song I want to teach you is called Drift Away by Doug B. Bregman. Oh, it's a song. Okay.

It says impersonates in the title. All right. Never mind. But anyways, you know, it's definitely worth checking out Shane Edward Lee on YouTube and catching up with some of his stylings, you know? He's definitely, you know, you do your thing, dog. Like, he has one with a puppet here.

He has a hand through a puppet. Okay. So, I don't know, like if... Let's see if there's anything interesting there. It's a puppet named Snowflake. There's the beep. Yep. That's like his countdown meter.

Yeah. Sure. Oh, dear. Okay. Yeah. Good morning, everyone. Hello. How are you today?

Good. Shane Lee and Snowflake. Okay. Well, yeah, it's a lot. So... He's working on his craft. He's working on his thing. Definitely showing support.

It's all love. And I'm very proud of you for everything you've accomplished. Speaking of creative expression, you pitched me on a feature film idea last week. Yeah, a movie that I really am proud of. Watch this bullshit. Such an asshole to do that to those Koreans. Oh, my God.

What an asshole. So, you pitched me on a drama. Yeah. It's a dramatic film. Yeah, yeah. What was this? Yeah. Do you want to kind of briefly summarize and pitch to the audience?

Here's the pitch. An elderly man finally accepts his own desires to be a woman. And slowly, even though his life is ending, wants that satisfaction. So, he goes from just wearing women's clothes around his house in private to going outside that way. All the while, he's reconnecting with his daughter, who he basically, a young daughter that he fathered in a one-night stand. And he has had very little contact with.

So, he's with this 20-year-old girl. It's his daughter. They're reconnecting. He's transitioning to becoming a woman. And then, in the final act of the film, the father, the old man, has his penis removed. And the daughter elects to have it attached to her. Because she's changing now, too. Right.

She's also transitioning to be a man. She didn't want to, but it's almost because... Sure. See, now, I like where it's, in my mind, that's a fantastic idea. Yeah. So, she's playing with the... Oh, sorry. Go ahead.

I ruined your... No, no. She's playing with it, like, with her dad's penis, as it's attached to her. Right, right. And she's like, oh, you know, I have my dad's penis now. But she realizes something's missing. And then, in the final line of the film, she goes, I need my dad's balls.

Okay. And I love this premise, by the way, Tom. I'm so glad you brought it to me. Yeah. You know, I've been a huge fan of yours for a long time. Really excited to take this meeting with you today. And... Do you love the Netflix?

You will say a little bit. Love your Netflix special. Thank you. Love your albums. Love your podcasts. What I was thinking of is, yes, it's a great premise. Okay, I'm on board. That, to me, sounds like just the beginning.

Really? That's just the beginning of a film. Act one? That's act one. How about we do this? Yours is a drama. I say we make it a comedy, okay? Hmm.

The penis is sewn onto the daughter's vagina. Mm-hmm. But here's the funny part. It maintains the soul of the dad. Remember that movie, Look Who's Talking? Yeah. The penis now talks, but only she can hear it. And we get Bruce Willis to do the voice.

And it's a funny, funny movie. And so she's always hearing her dad talk. Right. She masturbates. Like, go over here. And like... Right. I wouldn't mind getting up in there.

Right. Ew, dad. And then it gets erect on its own. Yeah. And she's like, oh, I got my dad hard. Can I tell you something? I never get excited about what suits have to say. Uh-huh.

This is fucking brilliant. It's a good idea. I'm so glad you like it. I'm so glad you like it. I never thought... I never thought I would say that to a suit. Well, we here at Food and the Nut love your work, and we want you to do this as a comedy.

I love it. You're on board? Oh my God, I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. Who do you want to get the voice of the penis? Well, I think, you know,

I think Bruce's already done his thing. Sure. I think it's Morgan Freeman should do the penis. I wrote that down here! How... Seriously. Seriously. Seriously.

Seriously. 00:50:58,200 --> 00:50:58,680 Seriously. Seriously. I wrote Morgan Freeman. Wow. It's on the pad. This was the pitch.

I swear to God. Wow. Morgan Freeman or Alec Baldwin. Oh, Alec Baldwin would be great. You're really good at your job. Thanks. I got it. Look, I'm really excited.

I got to eat this one. I got to tell you, though. When you were like, hey, I want to tell you something about your idea. I got really defensive for a second. Of course. And I was like... You're an artist.

I can't believe you're going to jump on this. Hold on one second. And so, you know, I was like, I don't really know how I feel about someone, like whatever you're going to say no. And it was one of the times it blew me away. I'm so happy to hear that. I'm so happy to hear that, Tom.

Because we think that, you know, while drama is an interesting lane for you, you know, comedy is really what you do. You're Tom Segre, a brand of humor. And I'd love to see that penis talk. And, you know, and it's kind of like a father-daughter fun comedy, too. Yeah. Yeah.

And I imagine it being a little bit like the Full House reboot that we're doing on Netflix, too. You know, we could have like an Uncle Joey character. We could have some twins. All in this story, you think? Yeah. You know, make it like a fun kind of family movie. Yeah.

Like a family film. What do you think about that? I don't, I mean, it never sat in like that. But I mean, I feel like you're opening so many doors with the notes. Or like Herbie. You remember those Herbie movies? But it's like...

Ha, ha, ha, ha. And he talked to the owner. It's so unique that it's my dad's dick. Right. But my... It's such a spin on that. Look who's talking to my dad's dick. Or my...

You got my dad's dick talking to me now. Oh, man. Oh, man. That's crazy. What do you think? It's so genius, man. I just... Thank you.

Thank you. You really are like batting a thousand. You got it. You nailed it. You're batting a thousand right now. And then maybe he could meet his girlfriend. And his girlfriend says, kiss my pussy. What do you think of that?

There's... There's only so many good ideas I can take in a day. Sure. All right. I'll... I'll ease off of you. I know this is a new concept. Why don't you marinate on it?

Oh, yeah. They're my pussy talking to you now. Yeah. Marinate on it. You come back to me. I'll kiss my pussy. Kiss it! Kiss it!

Kiss it! Guys, speaking of kissing pussies, we know you shop on Amazon.com. But are you using our banner? I certainly hope you are when you're making your purchases. You know? What do we just buy? We bought Ziploc ties for our asshole dog.

Because the BitSoles can open the fucking crate door on her own by swiping... She figured that out. She's crazy. She's what? She's six months old. Swipe, swipe, swipe. You hear click, click, click. And then she's like, hi guys.

I'm back out of the crate now and I'll piss here. What are you guys doing? Did you want me to pee on the floor? I'm in a little shit for you two. I know you're trying to train me outside, but I like it pee-pee and heel. You little shit. This is the worst.

So... We have a zip-tire in here. We have to zip-tire crate shut. So use our banner. That's it. That's it. Please use it. I had some...

I wrote, what did I wrote? Oh, I know what I wanted to talk to you about. What's that? So, I mean... I'm poly and I'm bi. We went through... We went to the Starbucks drive-through because I'm too hot and lazy to get out of the car

to go to Starbucks with you. And you just about threw your drink out of the window of the car when you got it and you realized it wasn't right. What the fuck happened to you today? I guess I'm a little... This is embarrassing. You know, let's face it.

I am related to Maria, okay? I don't think that my request... It's been a journey to find my perfect drink. Well, you're a poly-bi man. There's a lot of stuff that goes in. Yeah, I am poly and I'm bi and I have my preferences. And the thing is, I have my summer drink that is perfect. Can you walk?

So first, let's start back. Let's back it up. What's your winter drink that's perfect? Well, here's the evolution of it. Sure. That was just a coffee guy. Straight drip coffee. Straight drip, sometimes a little splash of...

Depending on the quality of the coffee. Shittier coffee needs more stuff in it, I think. So I put a little splash and sometimes a little sweetener. But I like, you know, I do like just black coffee if it's good quality coffee. We started drinking a few years back coffee with soy milk. Espresso with soy milk. Right.

That led me to get lattes for a while. But what ended up happening was, I just felt like it was too much milk. Yeah. So I went back to just getting drip, but with a little bit of soy milk in it. Hot. Hot drip. That's for the winter time. But not latte, just the splash.

It's like that little bit of... It cuts the coffee a little bit and it's a little bit of flavor. You like the color to be like a caramel-y, like a dark caramel. Yeah, dark caramel. So it's just a little bit. Not like milky. Yeah. And it changes the flavor pretty subtly.

Oh, God. And that's hot beverage we're talking about. That's hot. I don't like drinking hot though in the summertime. So it went from like, at one point I was drinking iced, when I was still doing the lattes, the iced lattes. But again, it's too much milk. The iced latte, yeah.

It's like a meal. I did the same thing. I went iced coffee. And I asked for just a splash of soy milk. And then I put one Splenda in a huge one, in a venti. Okay, so you're talking a venti iced coffee with a splash of soy milk and one whole packet of Splenda. One.

Yes. Now... That's not a complicate. I just repeated it back to you. Exactly. Now, here's the one thing that actually... This doesn't matter if I'm getting Starbucks or any other beverage. I like a lot of ice.

I hate an ice drink that has four ice cubes in it. I want it packed with ice. It's just a personal preference. It makes me irritated when I hold the glass and I feel the ice cubes floating around. And it doesn't feel cold enough. It's not cold enough. So, and by the way, they came out with this cold brew.

Is there like, it's supposed to be an even better iced coffee? I like the iced coffee more. I like to taste more. Cold brew is like, they take some like 20 hours to make this brew. It's like rocket fuel. It's supposed to be stronger and... It's supposed to be a better flavor, but I actually prefer the iced coffee.

So anyways, I've been getting this drink pretty regularly. It's like my go-to drink. Every time you order an iced coffee, they go, do you want to sweeten or unsweeten? I guess people put sweetener into the drink, right? Like flavors, you know? Oh, syrups. Syrups, right.

So, I don't like it. So, every time I order my iced coffee, I go, can I have a venti iced coffee, extra ice, a splash of soy milk and a Splenda? And they go, do you want a little sweetener? I go, no, no. No, I mean the Splenda. But do you want like a little vanilla?

No. Unsweetened? Yeah, unsweetened. Okay. And then did you get the extra ice? You want extra ice? Yeah. Okay.

And then I get it and it's either like, there's no ice or there's not enough ice. I know why. Why? Because for the barista who's writing in the order, it could be writing X ice, which also means no ice in barista language. So, they could be writing X ice as opposed to X truck.

X truck. At three beverages. If it's, I will, the morning, the morning, before noon, it is a single bag venti with three and, or awake tea with three inches of steam soy and some three raw sugars. And then you add maybe three sprints of vanilla powder. Am I this bad? I'm not that bad, right?

No. You don't have three separate drinks. I mean, it is a particular order, but I've found the beverage that I like the way I like it. But it's not complicated. So, you want a venti extra iced, iced coffee with a splash of soy and a thing of Splenda. You know what I started?

I repeat it. I'm a barista. I was training in the 90s. Whoever's doing it, they're putting in it. Let me see the tag. Yeah, let me see how they put it in. Let's see how they put it in. You heard her, like all the, the thing.

I had to, so now what I do is I really get specific on it. Okay. She wrote venti iced coffee with, with milk, but I wouldn't say with milk. I would say like splash. That's what I say. Milk. I say splash.

Splash. Splash of soy. No classic. I'm not sure what that means. Here's what I end up doing. Okay. Soy. Here's how I've changed how I order this drink

so that I can get it the way I want it. I now say, because I was using this language that I feel like, I feel like was specific to them, but now I actually dumb it down and I feel like I get it right more. I go, I want a venti iced coffee, fill it up with ice, give me a ton of ice. So now they get the, the message.

The visual. Yeah. I go, give me a, I want so much. Okay. And then I go, don't sweeten it. I just want the tiniest little splash of soy, because if you don't specify that you want a little bit, they pour milk in there.

So I go, I want a little tiny bit of soy milk. But they're confused because you say, don't sweeten it. And then you go add a sweetener. No, because I go, I leave everything like that when it's clear and they repeat it back. And then I go, can I get one splenda? One, add a splenda.

Yeah. You know, it's fucking. Well, let's see. Here she goes. One day. I do it. It is afternoon summer that I do a venti decaf soy, sugar-free, caramel-sweetened light,

both extra drizzle and easy wet. Must. Extra drizzle is a web. I cannot be that bad. You know what? No, you're not. I think what you should do is write it down and just hand it to them.

I used to do that too. Really? Yeah. Because it's like the person can see it. Sometimes when you hear people say stuff, like it is when I do. I feel like an asshole ordering it, by the way. I feel like an asshole.

Can I tell you what's a little arrogant? What? It's making the breeze to add your splenda. I think that's the root of your problem. It's the drive-through. That's the drive-through thing. But you do it yourself when you're in the. In the store, I do it myself.

In the store, I do it myself because it's easy and it's like why, I feel like it complicates. But that's what's ruining your experience at Starbucks is when you ask the barista to add the sweetener and the crap. Because that's usually, it's an extra step. Well, how do you feel about this? See the drizzle, not the syrup. And if it's afternoon and fall or winter,

then I do a single bad coffee in a venti cup with three lost sugars, three into the steamed soy, and foam, and then topped off with three splandas and vanilla powder. That is so. Let's return. Watch this bullshit. But she's, she's like, she does three different drinks per day, per season.

Yeah, she's changed completely. You know that? What do you mean? She doesn't go anymore. Why is that? She stopped drinking all caffeinated products. Thank God. Not a good thing.

And yeah, I think she just doesn't go anymore. Good. She didn't need it. Smart. She hates new people at a different place. And I don't hate, I'm not hating on the Starbucks people. I'm just saying that I felt like it was a pretty simple order, but then I just.

So she doesn't like the Panera bread employees now. Yeah, but I mean, I haven't talked to her about it in a while. I'm not sure. Well, we'll need an update for sure. But I think your solution, Jeans, is we need to just keep a bunch of Splenda in the car, like in the glove box. Yeah.

And then that way if they screw it up, then you got your backup Splendas, you know? Yeah. Because here's what I've been doing at Carl's Jr. Sometimes I ask for extra barbecue sauce, and they just put it on the burger, and that is not what I meant. I meant, give me an extra packet of it

so I can keep it in the car. So now I keep an extra packet reserves in the car, just in case. I like that. We got a Kiss My Pussy song submission. Again, have not heard it. It's just in the inbox. Do you want to see what it is?

Sure. It sounds like? Sure. See what it is. I wasn't expecting that. That's great. I'd like for it to be mixed a little better, so I can hear the vocals a little more,

but it's well done. It's good. It's good. It's like Tiny Tim. It's good. Yeah, it's good. I like it. Can you like just mix it for us again?

You know, I want to hear the audio. Yeah, I want to hear the vocals. This is, it came from, this says that my cousin recorded this. And I don't know if he already sent it in, but I don't have it from the cousin. So this Mike May sent it in, but he's saying that his cousin did it. So I don't know, man.

I'm Polly and I'm by. This is the summer of phrases. This is the summer of like whole new words put together. Doing new things. I'm Polly and by. I never thought I'd hear that in a sentence. Kiss my pussy. I never thought I'd hear that.

Proud. I should have told someone that I'm proud to announce. I'm proud to have come out as polyamorous, and now I'm excited to share that I'm bisexual. Excited to share it. I'm proud as polyamorous. Proud. Proud of my polyamory.

It's so silly. You know what it is? I don't care. Obviously, I nozzle talk to anybody that has any. I don't care about people's lifestyles, obviously. Who cares? I think it's just the preoccupation with something so silly, you know, the need to have meetings about something like this

and come out with it. Let's have our pod meeting right now. Yeah, like that part. Every Monday we pod meet. Yeah. We go over the details. We have coffee and we discuss fluid bonding. I'm going to fluid bond with Jesse.

Yeah, I think it's just too much free time. Like, how much choosing to fluid bond with someone other than your primary is a big choice. I mean, we don't have time to fluid bond with others. We barely have time to fluid bond with each other. I mean, I got all this fluid here, but I just, I don't know where to bond with it, you know? How do these people have enough time for all this sex?

It's the main, like, line thing in their life. That's what it is. That's the drive. That's their drive. That's what makes me laugh about this so much. It's like, you guys are really preoccupied with your genitals. Some people are, you know, they're just putting them. Yeah, that's what's funny.

Like, some people are so preoccupied with money. It's like, money is like 24, 7, everything to them, you know? And then some people, it's drugs and alcohol, you know, these people are just like, they got to fuck, man. They got to get their fucking. They got to get their nut. They're polybiner. Just the idea of a hot, sexy man,

ejaculating my wife. Yeah, hey, sure thing, pal. How hot would it turn you on so much? Yeah, episode worked up right now, thinking about it. And a bunch of guys coming in your hair and then all up inside, he was really cool. Remember that episode of intervention? We were, you were referencing the other night.

Man, I wish I wasn't bleeped because it's so great. I can't even find it, but I mean, I know it's out there. That guy's wife's a meth addict. And you can tell that like, and she's beautiful. I remember she was really pretty and he was like, he was kind of a dope and he was just sticking with it. And they had a kid and he was like, well, right now there's just guys coming in my wife

because guys were coming over, blowing loads in her and then giving her meth. Just guys coming in my wife right now. It was probably one of the best sound bites on intervention. Especially because the show is so sad. Yeah. But then they hear something like that. It's like so funny.

And he said it exactly like you just did. He's like, well, I mean, just guys coming to my wife. Coming to my wife right now. So that's what I got going on. That's my Wednesday. That's my life. I don't know what you have on your plate. Um, we were discussing too, baby stuff,

whether or not we're going to, we're going to send out naked pictures of our born little baby with the penis showing. What do you? I'm a look, man. I have friends and relatives who have babies and I get these nude, like it's one thing. It's like, oh, I can see it.

Sure. Like it's not much, but there's these full display legs open baby pictures. Like here's my baby in the bathtub and here's her little clam so you can stay like it's, it's the main thing in the photo. I'm like so distracting. Like I know it's not that it's, you know,

it just feels inappropriate in some way. You know, I know it's a baby, but it's like, can you move the camera up? Like, can I get a waist upshot? Can't you move the camera to the side? I get like a thigh cover. Like I don't want your baby's naked dick and vagina on my phone.

I don't like it. We are on the internet. I mean, there's one photograph of me as an infant in my bathtub and my legs are open. You can see my mousine. And that's my least favorite picture of myself because it feels wrong. I don't like it.

Like could you guys not put my vagina in the photo album? Yeah. Here's a picture by the way that I got I found online. It's pretty cool. Just enjoying life as a body and mind. Just having a good time, living life, man. Yep. Yeah.

Oh boy. That's the picture I was telling you about. Sure. Yep. Oh, just being boring and stuff? Yeah. I know. When you see like sad pictures of your friends

that they post and you're like, oh, Jesus. Sometimes, and this is a horrible thing to say, but there are times where I'm on Facebook or Instagram and the shit people post that they're real stoked about. You're like, I'm so glad that's not my life. Yeah. I'm just I'm glad that doesn't fucking excite me. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Of course, man. You know, not like what we do is that fantastically different. We we used to hang out with our dogs. We eat cheeseburgers, but you know what I mean? But some people are especially like, oh, it's really. But that's bummer. It's bummer.

It's really uninspiring. Yeah. I mean, there's just some career tracks where you're like, you're going to do that for the next 40 years. Right. What would be your worst nightmare? I mean, it would probably be to like go to. I think it would be like working just actually.

I just hated cubicle stuff. You know, I mean, I know there's people listening to it now and they're cubicle, but some of them are not miserable. You know, lots of people like their jobs. Of course. I didn't like it. I didn't like it, man. I always I thought about now, too, that like if I didn't,

we didn't have this career going. I don't know that I could work for someone else ever again. I think I have to start a business. Yeah, it's it's tough. Because as you know, that's what we do. We started a business. Yes, that's what this shit is. But yeah, you know what I think?

Honestly, I think customer service is the hardest. Yeah. dealing with the public. Yeah. I think I would say I would think one of the tougher jobs would be the ones where you touch people. Like what? Physically, like jackoff on their hair,

jackoff on people's hair, mani, petty massage. You think that's difficult? Yeah, just because that's not you're touching someone. You can not that they're. Yeah, but wow, that's funny. I don't think I don't know why I don't like that. In my mind, actually, that would be better because you have a you have a lot of human connection.

And with both of those, pretty much, you're making people feel better all the time. For sure. But then I think it's my fear of like harbing. Like what if I gave some, you know, cut someone's toenail too short, and then they're like, yeah, yeah. You cut it too short.

Yeah. I just like I hurt somebody. Yeah. Or being a doctor's got to be fucking so so much pressure. Yeah. But that's we're not going to do that. But like regular people jobs. Yeah.

Gosh, I know. What would you do so hard? Would you be a nail nail tech? Oh, the smell would make me crazy. I think it's really hard to be. Browse on fleek. Would you do browse? If I were artistic like that.

Yeah. I mean, my girl's amazing. Yeah. Wow. I would do massage. But as long as I got to like say no to people. To be like you're too smelly. Like you're gross.

That's kind of my worry too, is you have to touch everybody that comes to you. You can't be like you're disgusting. I'd like to give you one, but I didn't realize when you called that you were gross. So let me see who else is working. Hold on. Yeah.

Tammy, you want that? Yeah, she's gross. Just stay in front of them. She's pretty gross. Yeah. He doesn't mind. He'll be out here and just have a seat and see the lit. That's when they give you the male masseuse.

That's what they give the guy to is the gross people. Yeah. I just I are working in people's mouths. I think it would be really hard. Oh my God. Like dentistry or it's got to be really tough. Just the smells and stuff. The smiz.

Yeah. I think working with on humans would be really hard. So what career path would you take? What would you do? Shit, man. Something that isolated me as much as possible from human contact, you know? You know, if law school weren't such a downer,

maybe law, if I could just do like the kind where you're just working on cases and not really talking to people, that'd be kind of neat. No, I teach. I think I teach philosophy, but like at a lower level. Yeah. I teach philosophy like high school kids or community college. Yeah.

That'd be fun. That's what I would do. What would you do? Would fart professionally? I would fart. I don't know, man. You'd be a football coach. I'd love to get involved in high school football.

I loved high school football. Yeah, that'd be fun. So I would love to do that. I mean, there's no fucking money, but it would be like a. You'd be so happy. Passion doing it. Yeah. Yeah.

Like like an art teacher, like my friends and our teacher. It's so much fun. Yeah, it would be a fun thing to do. I don't know that and make fart videos, I guess, to make, to pay the bills. But then if you're a teacher, you gotta deal with the parents. That's the best. Yeah, and I'm not into that. No, fuck that.

Maybe a librarian. You would love to be around bookies all the time. That'd be my dream. I like that. Talk about books, people and check them out. Well, we've talked about doing something like this before. I don't know if this interests you at all still, but let's see if it does.

01:16:12,280 --> 01:16:26,040 FAs love the curves, the cascading rolls of flesh. Some of them sort of fancy the cellulite. They like the feel of it. I must feel like velvet to them because that's the way they're touching me. Like I'm made of some very plush material. There is a world of sexual fantasy that challenges mainstream perceptions of what is beautiful and natural. The big stomachs are massive, very important.

You can see the belly button there and how deep that looks like it is. Those who are part of it call it FA or fat admiration. I could be a model. I like it with my belly and you think you could join this? I could be like someone that people admire. Yeah, I think it's great that there's something like this. It is great. God, I don't like the way cellulite looks, but it does feel nice.

You realize that that's some people's favorite thing. Yeah, enough of it. That's some people's favorite. God, I mean, look at all this money we're leaving on the table. That's what I'm saying. Here, listen a little more. Shit. There's a lot of different degrees of fat admirers.

There's some blokes only like they're women to be a bit plumper than average. I like my women to be like very big, really. She is very attractive. She is, in my opinion, still the most beautiful woman there has ever been. Gina is an entire landscape of a very beautiful, soft girl. This is a film about extreme fat admiration. I cannot wait to get into this more. This is exactly the kind of shit that I need to be a part of, you know?

You know, I was talking to Sam Tripoli about pregnancy porn. Something tells me he knows a lot about it or no. Yeah, so, yeah, we were discussing it and I was like, my husband's trying to get me to do it. It's like I wake up in the morning and Tom's like, when are you going to do pregnancy porn? What did Sammy say? Sam goes, oh, I love it.

I love it. That's my thing. I go, why? Why? What is it about the pregnancy porn that gets you? He goes, well, it's the taboo. It's because it's so taboo. It's like the mother you're defiling the sacred.

I thought that makes so much more sense to me. I think aesthetically, it doesn't please me personally to see pregnant women shoving dildos inside of them. Like, yeah, you know. Yeah, yeah, it's weird, but I get it. I do get that on some level, sure. There's some that I'll tell you. When you see the lady that looks like she's delivering tomorrow,

it does kind of like, wow, it's kind of crazy to see, you know? What is hot? It's hot. That's what I'm saying. It's so, it's like, wow, this is hot, you know, like that. Yeah, so it's just like exciting, man. I like it. Strange sexual subculture that treads a thin line between consent and coercion

and which can lead to deformity and sometimes even death. Oh, gosh, she's like 800 pounds. Well, what are you saying? Describe it. It's a woman sitting there, like pleasantly smiling, but she was like a man while a rebate. Totally new. Just watch this bullshit.

She's super big is what you're saying. Yeah, super, super, super huge. Home to the rich and famous. And to a slightly chubby girl named Gina. Oh my gosh. Well, I grew up in Beverly Hills. My dad made movies. My mom was a singer.

Thin is everything in Hollywood. You have to be among the beautiful people and you couldn't be among the beautiful people if you were an ounce overweight. She's very well. I got some news for her. You know what she can do? Move to anywhere outside of LA in America. You leave Hollywood.

Yeah, there's so many places in America where you can just be normal sized and it's yeah, it's accept it's acceptable. Yeah, go go check out Ohio, bro, like the whole state. It's all good there. Yeah, they don't they nobody eyeballs you for being overweight. Trust me or any other Midwestern. They don't give a shit. No, cargo.

They keep the 100. Yeah, that's true. You just had no place there. My self esteem lacked, you know, a great deal because I was made to feel less than human and less than worthwhile. Everyone feels that way. Yeah, plus like you should never be much show business. You should never be unattractive ever.

Well, yeah, don't be born unattractive. Duh. First of all, something stupid. Fuck. Yeah, but everybody feels shitty here. That's the whole point. That's what LA does. Yeah.

You want to feel good about yourself, live anywhere else. Yeah, right? Yeah, stop fucking being here and taking up a space, taking up a slot, man. You know, nobody has self esteem in LA. That's why we live in LA. If we had self esteem, we'd live somewhere like Colorado or yeah, with nicer people and stuff. Normal people, affordable housing. I like getting beaten down every day.

I like it. Yeah, get beaten down. We have nice weather. That's the thing. I love my insecurities though. He just likes fat girls. Just likes fat girls. Yeah.

In 1984, age 24, Gina put an ad in her local paper being specific about her size. She was amazed by the response. The personal ad said something like a big, beautiful one, hoping to prove her family wrong. Her family says that she'll never have a boyfriend, much less a husband. Why? A lot of the replies said something like, darn right, you'll have a boyfriend and here I am and this is about me and I think you sound lovely and would like to meet you. And wow, well, I mean, I think it's lovely that everybody gets someone to love them.

You got to. Yeah, but I really want to dig into this thing. You know? Well, I think you, this is it. This is your next jam. Yeah, so maybe we can explore this more on the next mamasode. Sure. Um, we have to get our jeans up and get going.

Jeans. Okay, we're gonna need something. We can eat something. We can discuss my, my current situation. I'm Polly and I'm by. Everybody knows now you're, you've come out so many times on this show. Are you proud of me? I'm proud of myself.

I'm proud of myself. I'm proud of myself. I'm proud of myself. All right, we should run. Honestly. Honestly. We should get a God. Okay.

I love you jeans. Don't forget Dayton, Lexington, Hawaii, Charlotte, North Carolina, Raleigh, DC, which is D sizzle. Dick suckers. And that's about it. And one other. No, St. Louis, St. Boobus and Columbia, Missouri.

There you go. Have fun. Jeans in honor of Maria's Starbucks clip. Here's a Maria song. Bye. Jeans. Bye. Mommies.

Which is the point? So which is my sister? Yeah, which is my prayer and which is a real porn star? Oh my God. Love the game. One people noticed I sparked on people's faces and on these blocks with my face. I spark on people's faces. I love it.

I love it. I spark on people's faces and on these blocks with my face. Oh my God. I start on people's faces, Strategic here. Along the way. My mouth on the tape. My mouth on the tape. What is something that I've never seen?

My mouth, my mouth, my mouth. You can't fucking get something like that. That's fucking crazy, dude. Yes.