Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 306-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: September 2, 2015

Do you really think American politics are a joke well then maybe you should consider the platform that Deez Nuts is selling. It covers smells, hair and whatever that thing is that what's his name gave you yesterday. Plus, if you thought the Smith children were unbearable before you have no idea the new nonense they are spewing (yeah!).  What are the whore giveaways - Voice? Piercings? What about her feet? And dude, listen, you can't pull off that gear if you're not in the Rock 'N Roll Hall Of Fame. Let it go.  Chuck Woolery has a NEW endorsement. Is it GREEZY? Not really, but it sure does cost a lot. Can you imagine being married to Steven Seagal. If you can you probably just passed out.   We don't wear loose jeans in this one.

is is that all mics need to be on to do is a podcasting show yeah if the mics aren't on then there's a huge problem this is tight these headphones are tight are these my normal ones no yeah they are they oh no fuck that's them yeah I don't like those that's how you do it you need to put oh it's so much better oh so much louder now oh shit which one of my turn down player this jeans are we rolling jeans jeans jeans jeans attention all Los Angeles jeans September 26th your mom's house live Pasadena at the ice house in the main room because why we're main mummies

is that easily you know cool G rap man I should have no yeah dude that's the shit the big room because we sell out that little tiny pee we room now too quickly I know this show is getting too big that um too big too big too big too big for these tits too big for these tits we had to buy a bigger bra I know that was I wanted an instrumental there and I didn't get the instrumental I got a yeah wraps I was ripping happen do you remember Nick Hawk from jiggalos was like I like to practice my rap yeah I've been practicing my wraps my wraps that picture you sent me a him you sent me something to him recently if you

guys want to see what damage looks like like true emotional damn it follow Nick Hawk on Instagram Nick Hawk jiggalos yeah he's so damaged and his butt so ridiculous yo peeps is science right here my next show jeans is in Hawaii oh man what a dump Honolulu but have that II I'm gonna be at crossroads at Hawaiian Brian on when what date 9-11 no four days later here's the kind of routing I do I do 9-11 Hawaii 915 Charlotte North Carolina perfect at the comedy zone oh shit I need to okay then Charlie Goodnights the next day in Raleigh North Carolina the 16th then the Howard Theater Washington DC the 18th

then the ready room St. Louis on the 19th yes I had to cancel 20th at Deja Vu Columbia Missouri why because I'm doing the Shoreline Amphitheater in California and look it's it's just a great opportunity it's comedy fest I'm doing it with Dave Chappelle and Chris Tucker I think it's 18,000 seat venue so I don't know I had to do it where those guys I've never heard of those two up and comers but there's other people on the show too I don't know the whole list but I know that those guys are on it and I'm very excited about it so if you're up in that area in NorCal I will be there I also added San Jose on the 24th

San Jose California the improv and of course we do the live podcast the 26 Philly and Minneapolis shortly thereafter you want to scoop those ticks now that Philly's all five of those shows they told me tickets are moving really fast so if you're in Philly you're gonna want to grab them now that is what's up anything else besides that jeans well guys listen to that steep row if you if you want to get deep on some stuff I mean I know we talk about farts and stuff here and you know I do farts and philosophy on my show that's deeper I'll check it out yeah wait till you get we got a really crazy fart story for you

guys I can't believe we're gonna I'm really excited to share it's really really crazy what happened that's it was that too long for you have you're considered pressing your fast-forward button too many ads I don't even know how to fucking do anything show shut up one more thing guys Amazon please use our banner go to your mom's house podcast.com click on our Amazon banner and do your shopping as you normally would helps support the show pull your jeans up North Carolina shows Donald Trump leading Hillary Clinton in a possible presidential matchup but that's

not the part that's grabbing people's attention today it is the third party candidate on that poll candidate named these nuts oh no really with Tom Segura, Christina Pajitzi, Christina Pajitzi Welcome to your mom's house yeah how good are those Madeleines oh my god from Barstax Sabas you know when I worked it I used to work at Starbucks and they used to have them loose in a jar I would just eat them all day I'd steal them and eat them all day I've had 40 I've had I would have 40 a day if they were laying

around loose like that you know I noticed during the the role here we are doing those ads you picked your nose and then you kind of you rolled and then you discarded the boogers on our carpet no I threw in the trash can all it all was in the trash yeah yeah right back there can you walk me through your booger disposal technique well I didn't know if I felt something and I was like oh yeah there's something there yeah kind of a solid one so I just picked it out and then I don't want to drop it on the ground so it's why I leaned back I'll admit this the first one I just threw it over my shoulder sure I saw that I

thought it would hit the trash can okay and then the second one I was like I should look for the trash can because I do walk around barefoot yep and that wouldn't be pleasant it's the third party candidate on that whole candidate named these nuts these nuts these nuts fucking nerds that's hilarious so some prankster put his his name in the ring it's a 15 year old kid nice good work yeah I like that his name is Brady Olson how did he do it how do you do that does it cost money I think they said you just fill out this form and it just takes I don't know if it cost money wait that's all you have to do and you can

just put these nuts on a official presidential ballot thing that seems crazy to me he's frustrated by the two-party system blah blah blah here's I think this is an interview with the kid this is a this is oh for fuck's sake the kid named Brady Olson also known as D's nuts the third party candidate who by the way is really putting up he's not he doesn't you know sometimes when people run they have like 0.1% of the boat this guy has real traction really for somebody that is not even you know electable he's not even a legal age you have to be 35 at least to be president yeah it's be American born yeah he's

neither of those I mean he's a clearly a foreigner I don't know what you think he's not for it but he's definitely too young oh yeah for sure I don't know why I can't get this guy this is so annoying I'm sick of the two-party system boo-hoo who he just filled out the there's an FCC FEC filing just he wrote name of candidate D's nuts put it is that he's independent and he's seeking the presidency okay and the name of the committee is D's nuts for president 2016 okay so this is a written interview so he's 15 entering his sophomore year parents gave him the green light wow it's pretty there's some stupid parents

yeah he got 9% of the poll in Carolina now that's pretty significant a lot against Trump I can't believe people are actually considering voting for Donald Trump people are really considered there's a lot of people there's people I know acquaintances that are interested it's like it is a bizarro bizarro world that we're living in right now it's it's really he's clearly just a megalomaniac yeah narcissist lunatic he I want to get those emails now Donald say that Christina here's my prediction to with with Trump here's what I think it's gonna happen because he's put he's tracking amazing like his poll numbers

are crazy yeah I don't think he wants to be president yeah I think his play is gonna be this he's gonna ride this thing out a little while longer yeah make up some reason of why he's out and then we'll forever talk about how he easily could have been president if you wanted to yeah he's that guy absolutely he'll be like he was like I have 40% poll numbers everybody wanted me to present I just I couldn't he does this thing where he pushes out his lower teeth he'll go yeah I couldn't you know they wanted me to do this or that and I wasn't willing to do that and I have too many business you know things to take care of

I couldn't right he's too important he'll talk about this at dinner with his family but he'll either shit out of them for he'll monetize this too it's not sure there's some there's some there's some play here honestly this whole Trump thing I'm so fucking bored of I'm bored I don't care about what he's been saying I don't care because I know it's all bullshit there's no real intent to do anything I get why people are excited though I do understand that they're excited because politicians all play the political game yeah and he's out there saying crazy shit that they love because he's not saying traditional political

stuff he doesn't have a constituency he doesn't have to get reelect I get why people are excited and he also the one thing is that somebody said this today I think on Twitter where he can hang his hat on like the I can't be bought thing right like every candidate can be bought and he's like I can't be bought so people remember that they're like yeah no one can buy him because he's so rich but they forget all the other shit you know the crazy shit well he's he has no real intention of being a leader of this country that's why I don't give a shit remember Ross Perot that guy had a decent he wanted to be wanted to be it

yeah yeah he was interesting at least he really wanted to be president I think this is a collection of crazy shit he said right here it's disgusting I mean both inside and out you take a look at her she's a slob she talks like a like a truck driver so he could have been born in Kenya and gone over to the United States and everybody wants to be a U.S. citizen and his grandparents put an ad in saying that he was born in the United States so the first quote was about Rosie O'Donnell sure Jesus is crazy and then this was about obviously about Obama being American right questioning his citizenship my favorite

thing by the way that Trump does and he'll do it he'll do it during more during this campaign watch is that like I remember a few years ago when he was gonna run for something and they go like oh somebody said like if Obama shows his citizenship will you do yes and he was like yes and then when somebody asked him to he was like a guy's a loser like he just he just dismisses anybody he's crazy yeah it's really great he's a complete guy's a total loser he didn't kill big lad you know he gets so much credit for that okay excuse me author excuse me he had the guts he had the guts to make that decision the genius

excuse me with guts first of all Vince your great fruits are no match for my drum towers that's him doing wrestling stuff like wwe they're bringing drugs they're bringing crime their rapists and some I assume are good people the best are I assume I like that one and I love the Mexican people I've had thousands of Mexicans working for me yeah I sell apartments for millions of dollars to people from Mexico they love me they love me he's a hero because he was captured I like people that weren't captured okay I hate to tell you and I see your senator what a stiff what a stiff Lindsey Graham I'm not using the lobbyist I'm

not using donors I don't care I'm really rich I'll show you that yeah he's a really kind of an obnoxious guy yeah it's fun let's just take this a quick break are you considering shoulder or knee surgery please pay close attention because this device the willow curve has helped save people from invasive surgery like knee replacement the curve is a non-prescription non invasive drug-free device that is proven to relieve pain swelling and stiffness in minutes it's similar to technologies used in clinics across the country except you use the curve in your own home simply put it on the painful

area push a button and let the device relieve your pain surgery is not guaranteed and it's risky and it may not be your only option one pro football Hall of Famer found out for himself he actually canceled his own knee replacement after using the curve now he's off pain meds to thanks to this incredible device didn't greasy experience it to believe it and you can curve 90-day risk-free guarantee if it doesn't reduce your pain send it back for full refund does a lot of promise the curve will change your life order your willow curve today with a willow curve will occur and what does it

look like what is it like a bandage or something it looks like my willow risk-free guarantee if it doesn't read it looks like a device that you you can slip a it's like a what's it called like a oval shape right like a half moon you can slip a foot or a hand into it and then it just heals you it's like a life-changing like a bandage I guess it looks like it's it's more solid you know what I've noticed as a it's weird as an announcer he jumbles his words and senses yeah my breath yeah I don't know about that a little bit like he doesn't take a pause at the periods mm-hmm they teach you that when you go to

hosting you think people really try to teach we had a talk they should you got a fucking balls he doesn't pause yeah he kind of runs through it huh yeah send it back for full refund but I promise the curve will drop or your will occur today has like flashing lights on it or online at Tri willow it just sits like um it's like a it's like a flashlight and you put your arm in there yeah so there's there's no bottom to it you just sit it on top of your arm what a racket old people will buy any and there's all these flashing lights on it how much is that willow curve you son of a bitch I'm gonna guess price point 1999 I think it's

more expensive you think let's see plus shipping and handling 1999 good price point official now and we'll throw in an additional willow curve for half the price by now it still doesn't tell you the price all right let me look it up oh so that's that means it's expensive oh sorry it's $619 what yeah what $599 oh bullshit they charge you for shipping yes the willow curve $599 you can make payments holy shit these poor old people are getting ripped off holy shit shock it didn't greasy well that's fine but monthly $25 for and it's got like yeah stupid lights on it you know I wasn't bad when he was hawking just the skin cream

yeah because the empty jar guarantee willo MD treatment tell us how it went well I'm first of all I should tell you I'm the biggest skeptic on the plan are you so I saw this little Star Trek looking unit I thought okay I'll try it I've got 25 minutes so I had a knee injury about 12 years ago do a lot of athletic things have a lot of swelling all the time on that knee and flexion whenever I would bend down that's always the limiting factors the left knee so put it on there for 25 minutes took it off the first thing I noticed was a swelling had gone I mean there's marked difference of the reduced swelling on

the knee wow off the bat so I walked a few steps came back the knee band and now I don't know what happened that let's car tissue must be there but anyway it wasn't stopping when I'd been down usually when I do a knee band the left knee always stops me going down because the rate or the the flexion is is that's a limiting factor this one all fascinating that's a really neat thing watch this bullshit my knee doesn't hurt anymore flashing lights there's lights on it so it's so don't look so crazy yeah let me look I want to like just Google a photograph of it because it doesn't how do you describe because I want you to

describe it I can't describe your hold on because even the website it's not clear oh okay you know what it looks like what like a helmet that's half a helmet I thought it was a material but it's like a plastic half helmet and then there's like a laser light show that goes on in there like a light strip it's so dumb so dumb yeah there's no way this works yep there's no way these old people are being bamboozled I my knee was always I felt stuff in my knee but with the the hall the willow curve is that my pain went away willow curve the willow jitterbug some fucking yeah you're right some asshole who's in

horrible pains like I just get the willow curve maybe that'll help maybe I don't have to get surgery if I get the I think they that's what they're trying to do in that ad he goes some guy even put off his knee surgery some random guy yeah go what what what will Chuck Woolery not sell oh he's really just running through all the old people right yeah it was he that popular with old folks like yes I think so right do motion and now look me turn my head all around and I have no pain willow curve normally I took I don't know maybe anywhere from 10 to 12 don't tell anybody it's my secret remember Braco where he just stares at

you yeah this is like crops crops oh yeah this is coming and he just is everywhere he comes on you yeah comes all over you and then you know you're basically like at the end of it I'm Polly and I'm by you become Polly and by yeah we had a fun time in Cincinnati this last week and we went to your cousin Jeanette's wedding it was so nice yeah cousin you know what I can't believe I didn't ever do isolate some of her burps for when she did our show oh I know they're so good it's some really crazy burps when she was here but I was thinking to myself what a perfect wedding that was on so many levels yeah

like number one here's what you got to do to have a good wedding I think short ceremony mm-hmm she did that it was totally short it was tolerable the food was great the music was great there was one part it wasn't it wasn't long at all but the the the sermon the the preacher was kind of you know I remember this he was going a little bit I mean it wasn't it didn't feel long he was really just getting into what he was saying and it was really well-spoken really nice he said and I turned to my uncle her dad and he made a yeah he made that this is getting long chatty yeah motion with his hand I almost laughed out loud well and

also he did that false authenticity thing where like he's clearly just reading off the page but then he was like you know Jeanette and Craig or best friends and it just was like it was fake you know what I mean yeah yeah he tried to jazz up the the text a bit but it didn't come off authentic at all yeah I kind of like that I didn't like that like he just do it straight bro I thought he was he did a good job do a straight like our guy was our guy when we got I didn't give a fuck about us no he called me Christine he called you Christine and also turned down the invite to the meal

that's right he didn't give a fuck he didn't give a fuck my best man had to straighten him out like it's Christina I think he turned us down because we were white yeah maybe he seemed irk that we wanted to rehearsal to remember I think also his money too I think he wanted a big like I was supposed to tip them I think he wanted a bigger tip I think he's he didn't realize how broke we were when we got married yeah and that like I was supposed to tip the I don't know the choir like a hundred bucks and I had like 60 bucks on me I had to ask for like 40 bucks from somebody you know I didn't even I didn't have it and and I

think he was like I think he thought like all these rich white people will just be like here's $500 nothing like you know it's that whole idea that like people always think that Americans are just loaded you know I think that was kind of what he thought yeah it was fun was telling your dad that you're by in person and it went the exact exact same way literally in person was no different exact same way I go dad buddy hey gotta tell you something I'm I'm Polly and I'm by what's that I'm Polly and I'm by it's the best it's exactly how it went yeah I said dad I'm Polly and I'm by in person he goes what's that I'm

Polly and I'm by all right same exact way yeah the joke it was need to do it in person and then what was fun too is telling your mom that marijuana doesn't pass the umbilical cord that was fantastic so it's okay to smoke pot when when you're pregnant she looked at us so pissed off didn't like that so pissed off didn't like that she was like you know this is your stupid joke yeah yeah so but another thing that happened when we were in Cincinnati has already been given the name the name the Cincinnati far what happened did you record it I mean it sounded like that I got back I was oh I

stayed later at what that the way it was the wedding night or the rehearsal it was a wedding night I was wearing a dress so I think it was the rehearsal no cuz I went back with your dad on the wedding night remember I went back with your dad you weren't wearing a dress when you farted you changed oh yeah cuz I was laying down on the bed they can hear you chewing your hands you know that right whatever picks up on the mic don't care no cuz you're right I was laying down for a while and then I went to the door to open it for you and that's when it happened I got I came in yeah you farted yeah and then the

really neat thing that happened that I could tell happened was that you didn't you were done pushing yeah and the fart continued and it continued for more than a couple beats yeah where you looked at me like I'm not doing this yeah God's doing this it's like God worked through me yeah it was it's like a spiritual fart it was great you're so like amazed with what it was amazed and how how many seconds do you and be honest like don't exaggerate and it's kind of cute I mean looking at these farts that are on here I can you know I can guess that like these have these have counters on them so I mean that's only like a three-second

fart that's nothing nothing so I mean this part here is 15 I think it was easily I think it was easily a 10 second I think 10 because I felt a little long no that's that wasn't the full 10 that wasn't the full 10 no I mean that was 10 not full 15 sure sure so I think 10 is accurate here's the thing it even took me by surprise like it was one I could tell that it did where I was standing there and I farted and we made eye contact and we didn't break eye contact and it's still coming out of me like how is this even possible that I'm still farting and but I didn't want to I didn't want to fight the feeling I didn't

want to fight the the current you know what I mean like when you when you're on a roll could you stop that once it was going yeah oh by clenching yeah that's it but it was just going it was just going and I thought to myself if I you know how you don't want to spook it you don't want to like stop the flow oh yeah it was so cool it was really perfect it was like I caught the wave I know what I was experiencing I can only imagine what you're experiencing it was really special for me I can't imagine being on stage and doing it you know right on stage what do you mean you know you were the one you were the one

singing in front of the whole audience I was just like there right you were I'm so glad I was standing in the wings of being like look at Beyonce to look at Beyonce yeah you're Jay-Z yeah I can't believe you you witnessed it I'm so thankful that no I know because there's some there's far as you go I you should have heard the fart no one's there it doesn't matter you can you can say you should have heard it to anybody when someone's there and then it gets its own trophy and call them and memory and when it stamps and imprints as a memory because now you and I have been talking about the Cincinnati fart for a few days

it was no moment it was one of those momentous yeah can you think of a fart in your lifetime that really stands out huh I mean I've had a few for sure I mean you're talking about one of the you know that's in the game there's one in my mind of mine yes oh wow the very first fart the inaugural for that far was incredible that fart was incredible yeah that was 2005 my living room Tom is wearing his box or shorts I would say I yeah you're right it's 05 2005 10 years ago and I still have a vivid memory and I was a break I brought you breakfast well I made us some nice brekkies it was sad it was a Saturday we're sitting

I was watching college football sure sure we're sitting on my couch and we just finished eating grabbed my hand mm-hmm you thrust it into your crotch and you farted on it I farted on your hand yeah which is a really bold thing I thought you know and especially if you had done that today yeah I might not want to date you anymore you know what I'm saying like had you done that to me now as a 39 year old woman you think so I might be like this guy's out of his fucking mind the audacity to put my hand in his crotch and fart what an asshole like I might not want to go out with you I was way more damaged goods back then you

know you got lucky you think so yeah I still I'll never forget that fart that mean that'll obviously we'll carry that to the grave yeah but I always remember you going it smells like garbage it smells like right it did that's the first time I knew what you were capable of as a farter and but you also were you a little bit like impressed at the boldness of someone who's sleeping with you right taking your hand forcing it between their legs and farting on your hand because we were new we were not we were not married we were dating we were what three three months dating no had to be longer had to be longer because if it

was oh five football seasons in the fall so I think maybe like nine months so we would you know no not nine no we started dating in October didn't we October of 04 actually is when we started seeing each other October November yeah for sure because I remember I shot cut man in like January February 20 2005 so I think it was in that next that next fall it's a still a bold move it's a really bold move I think it just shows you about the excitement of the guy you're dating the fact that he's not you know he's he's a he's just he doesn't go get her go get impulsive and and also the kind of guy that you know he doesn't make plans he

just goes for it he's like you want to go to Paris today like that it's exactly like that you want to fly in my private jet or do you want me to fart on your hand I mean not everybody can even put that out not every guy can claim that not every guy well a special day thank you you know who else probably is like that I am the king of improv amazing I just brought him up in a meeting today did somebody was saying at this meeting that they had seen my special and about him and I go it's getting crazier like what I talked about I just scratched the surface and I brought this up I go I saw this behind the scenes thing where he

leads with I'm the king of improv I mean it's such a crazy thing to say an asshole I'm basically the king what an asshole I mean I am the king of improv wow if I know we don't fucking forgive you and he goes I started Gong Fu Karate Karate well actually I started studying karate my favorite is his the legend of himself like I don't are you supposed to tell your own legend story I was 15 and I lied to get the job that's my it's like the guys who are like I wanted to fight in the fucking Marines but you know they had a requirement I was only like 14 years old but I wrote on the document

I'm so destined to do this for a reason and I'm also like such a patriot that's what that's saying like I care I I care more than anybody sure and so you know a couple years later I was a special ops and yeah okay my favorite is he's like and the master saw how amazing I was at washing dishes I was so fast at washing dishes it's so crazy he saw how quick I was washing dishes that is such an astounding thing to say it's absurd yeah how unbearable is he to be married to okay let's do this on a scale who's more unbearable to be married to Steven Seagal mm-hmm or Jada Pinkett Smith Steven Seagal Wow you didn't even hesitate

it's without without question huh that is a you know I feel like that woman probably is a handful yeah a lot of ego a lot of ego I feel like there's a lot of giving there too I feel she's sweet she is you're right yeah my rate on her yeah but this guy oh man okay what about Oprah Oprah or Seagal Oprah's pretty unbearable yeah that's true that's true I know man that's a good one I still think it would be Seagal yeah he's the worst right oh my god there's nobody worse than him oh my god Steven Seagal's the worst yeah there's nothing like it man that he he might be I think what you should be asking is like Steven Seagal

or Kim Jong-un right you know sure yeah we're Trump oh there's a good it's Trump or Seagal yeah what do you think they're both so unbearable but Trump's like a serious megalomaniac and Seagal's like a smaller scale douchebag which of those two is worse though that's a really good one yeah what do you think you know Trump I think Trump just because he needs the media attention so much Seagal is a douchebag for a specific niche audience for a specific group of devotees who actually buy into him you know there's like some probably some dudes that love martial arts that are really into Steven Seagal yeah so maybe

I don't know but then you'd have to go to like his conventions and listen them talk about Akito all day I think god damn it I think maybe in that's in that if it's one versus the other that the more unbearable one is Trump yeah well here's here's consider this watch this bullshit here's the thing Trump Trump is never around you wouldn't actually have to talk to him Seagal yeah nothing but time on his hands like it's so disrespectful has watched this bullshit it's so heartbreaking when he does that to the Korean lady oh my god so mean but you know what I'm saying like Trump has an audience Trump's out there doing

dumb shit Steven's just at home every day getting fatter you know talking about his glory days and crap mm-hmm so Seagal is more pathetic yeah Trump's just not around speaking of what is it Jada pink it there's a new Jaden and Willow Smith interview yeah I've heard about this I'm really excited to hear it cool music did you make this yeah I made this myself it sounds like animal song album well those album title there's no release date not yet you can give you besides that an album coming I'm also gonna release an album and many other people that are part of this collective will be releasing albums and then we'll

release a collective album but you can expect new clothes yeah like I mean the new clothes that we're releasing here but then after that we have many drops set up for directly after what really we just take the inspiration on the things that we see and the things that we hear and we pretty much just give what we feel like the people want or need or we feel like or we feel as though that or what they need what they need anything possible your parents can be wealthy celebrities they're misfits are saying yeah you know are you a misfit everybody I think the

whole world would now consider a smith yeah yeah I think we do a lot of things that are out of the ordinary so yeah you guys are so weird yeah oh boy you deliberately try to break social boundaries is this question everybody is always so like oh I don't want to do this because of this or I don't want to wear this because I'm a boy or I'm a girl and I need to act this type of way and like nobody ever thinks it's like yo who made all these rules yeah was here and who made all these rules because I'm equally as smart as them and I don't necessarily know you're not here we go how old is Jaden now see 18 at least

no not even close well his voice got deeper his balls dropped no no no he's not a god these two are all you're right though he's 17 so he's almost almost wow he's still talking like a retard though huh I'm equally as smart as them I'm equally as smart as everybody willow's 14 she's a child yeah you almost can't make fun of her she's just following his lead you know yeah everybody's doing everything and just give them to people what they need yeah yeah it's pretty crazy I can't wait until you just picked another booger on the rug yeah yeah I how long before he's in a rehab facility what do you think the breakdown it's pretty I don't know man

this this kid it's gonna be a rude both these kids are gonna have rude awakenings in adulthood yeah if you talk like this at 30 something someone was fucking smack in the face yeah pretty bad and the only reason anybody records this shit is because of your dad yeah that's it no no one's that interested nobody gives a shit about you yeah he was a super famous guys kids saying that's gotta be hard for them like of course you know your parents are super famous and you're just writing those co-tail you're trying to justify it stuff yeah he's great who well Smith was one of the best of all time yeah he's fun I like him I

like him too hug he's enjoyable he's one of those guys that you say a hug hug well you said a hug no he's he's super enjoyable in films he's just he's kind of like not there you know what I mean he's like a placeholder in my mind what are you talking like he's not too he's not he's neither here nor dare for me but he's enjoyable like he's but he's bland he's like rice that's an insult you're insulting him he's like buttered noodles you just like I like buttered noodles that's good it's tasty I disagree with you it's not you know Jack Nicholson we are like that's a lot of flavor I think there's some flavor with will Morgan

Freeman walls people dial down his flavor because he's not a hardcore rapper and they're like that's will Smith he's like but the guy is a solid solid actor I mean he's a he's a movie star he can carry a movie yeah he made a dog shit one recently I saw I tried watching that on the oh what is that piece of shit called focus I think that was piece of shit yeah no I mean he's skill I just I just don't feel anything I got you I don't feel anything your loins don't yeah he just he's just a placeholder like he's good enough to do that gig you know I'm not moved like Tom Cruise I kind of feel like oh the guy's fun to watch you

don't feel like will find out I feel like he's fun to watch I don't I don't I feel like he's bullshit I feel like there's a lot of bullshit that role was real bullshit that one you're talking about that yes but there's fun that's fun to watch a minute yeah what's your favorite will Smith movie I don't know I mean I feel like I guess a lot of them are are a little bit in the past now but he's a solid let's see let's let's go to some will Smith I like men in black that's good yeah for sure so he's making oh my god they're making bad boys three and bad boys four I love it my favorite films all right so he's got one two three

in post one that's filming plus the bad boy stuff okay focus absolute dog shit men in black those are all fun solid movies but I like his co-star what's that guy Jamie Lee Jones what's his name Tommy Lee Jones like that guy he's gay you know that right yeah and then Hancock that was some you know he does his big budget like lots of shit's fucking exploding and he's saving the world sure I am legend same type of thing the pursuit of happiness he goes back and forth he does drama hitch which was like a rom-com silly those fun that see that's sorry that's his lane that's a good lane I think that's that's

where he kind of like him in that I think in like the that bad boys men in black stuff that's a good lane fantastic like it's adventure comedy stuff that's a fun lane he's a sweet dopey guy like he's a sweet right fun loving he's not an asshole he's not like a deep dude he's just like a fun guy but he knows that fuck for sure you think so oh yeah what what's most sensual about him for you I mean I don't think it's about about romance I think that I think he's probably a real savage because he has that pleasant public persona of like how's it going man and it's like big smiles and I think it's a piece of shit

no I just think he's spitting on you and like he's really you know I think he's holding your head in the toilet I think Jack Nicholson would do that to you remember that movie we want you you've we've had that line in our lives ever since we look are you are you fucked up enough to lay me now he's like a bottle and it's like beautiful girls there and he's like yeah he's all he's all drunk already yeah fucked up enough to lay me yeah you fucked up enough to lay me that was a great line that was a great line yeah he's always like I like that kind of guy see that's a real scumbag I like scumbags I love it

I like Benicio del Toro I always I would not leave you in a room with him that's how much you've been I love him Vincent Gallo I he's we I like these scumbaggies yeah or real Latin I like latins but not clean lads dirty lads yeah I like that you met some you met some latins this week hey what are you insinuating with that that was just for your dirty your dirt pig stuff I dirt yeah now you met you met my some Peruvian cousins and you the first night after you met them you said so your cousins are animals they are and they hadn't done anything you just made that because I because of how

they talk like I just know dudes like that are fun like they're rascals they are rascals they talk some shit yep drink drinking talking shit I like but I love people like that yeah that's my favorite they're really fun they're like just fucking rambunctious punks those by the way and I'm not even just saying those are equivalent to brothers for me because I grew up with two sisters yeah so when they would come to the state basically we used to swap summers they would come during their summer which is opposite of ours and I would spend my summers and live with those guys for three months and so that was my

experience of having brothers was living with those guys yeah they're animals I just see you guys slapping dicks a lot and and you know there was a lot of guys yeah yeah and fights you know we used to get in fights really yell at each other fucking tackle each other and then you know then you work it out they're funny because they talk shit to you they talk nonce the best thing ever I can't even say some of the stuff because it was a family wedding but like they were like somebody said to one of my Peruvian cousins you know they speak pretty good English but it's still a second language I'll make sure you you

got to congratulate the like the the family on you know do you say congrats congratulations yeah so he took that as a I'm gonna congratulate everyone so he would meet people and go congratulations and they're like I'm sorry and he was like for everything was everything and they're like okay and then he was just being an asshole about it yeah like he'd meet somebody else congratulations and they're like okay thank you and he just had he ran with that for like the night congratulating people you know just drinking and saying congratulations and then he went to the groom's father and said you're like a father to me and that

guy was like why he's like because if she's marrying into your family and you're a father to her you're a father to me too he was like okay like totally knew that something was wrong yeah I love that shit when people are just aren't having the fun yeah can't have the fun it's really really funny really funny there was a quick peachy break there always can I tell you what I heard today in a restaurant I was eating alone after my shrink and I heard they use Beverly Hills it's so it's so lame this girl walked out to this other girl at a table and she goes oh my god how are you why I was like this bitch made you like

a two syllable yeah you why yeah oh my god are you we got speaking it's not the same but we got a vocal fry submission it's an entire Windows 10 campaign oh no the spokes girl has a vocal you why are you why how are you hi I'm Molly from the Windows team it's been great to see all the excitement around Windows 10 one topic we're seeing come up a lot is people asking about the upgrade and do you hear it it's horrible and if you don't know vocal fry it's when you like you elongate and you end no all you can hear on the tail end of words you'll hear like go up at the end and or but it's the it's a purposeful yeah wanting

to know when their upgrade will arrive yeah she went yeah she the word is arrive arrived when their upgrade will arrive wait how excited are you about Windows 10 though Tom oh I'm losing my fucking mind and wanting to know when their upgrade will arrive arrive right you have lady you have vocal fry you have it you can't deny it it's in your throat so we want to take a moment to help with the answers the answer she talks like a slut definitely talk like a flaw looks like it too yeah like horse talk like that too like a lot of it is a horror quality yeah it's girls that are having

trouble getting fucked teenage girls having a hard time a lot of teenage girls having trouble getting fucked are talking in a new horror voice what else qualifies somebody is a whore like other whore like I painted my nails white because I thought you liked it I do and and oh and you were like it's a horror or color or color I'm like it's not a horror color okay no serious no I love it I think it looks great many petty is definitely a whore a many petty is whore I mean sorry a French French tip dude I I posted this on social media yeah I got such a backlash but I got it in the way that helped me further my my explanation

of this yeah that's a fucking white trash whores nail selection it is especially the you know why cuz they go cuz they go it is they go it's classy the French pedicure is the worst it's so terrible because they let the nail grow out long and then you but here's the thing I tried to make that point and they're like give a what what about when it's trimmed short don't do it looks to tap pick a solid color you slut pick a solid color oh I've got a new one I think this or the black tip where it looks like it's dirt under the edge wait I think then kind of the new whorey thing yeah is to have one two three four fingers one

color oh well the ring finger is another that's the one that goes in someone's that's why they do that they go this is my my ass fingering finger right oh I thought of another one I saw a girl who had every toe was painted a different color that's a whore you think so I saw for sure it's too much time good girls don't have that kind of she didn't necessarily do it though right she didn't do it it could have been the nail tech yeah but that's too much time for your fucking nail tech like just pig it to grab a different color it takes it's too long okay so here's another one yeah toe ring oh toe ring is an interesting you

know what I think is such a horse is no I know here's here's who has who's a whore multiple toe rings when they have like three toe rings that's like you can put stuff in my butt for sure when they have three toe rings you're like whore one toe ring is like yeah I swallow but like yeah three toe rings that's that's a whole what about what about a nose ring a nose ring I I always thought nose rings are kind of cute they're cute they're kind of damaged goodies I like that it's like I'm down to fuck but it's not like it's not a whore it's not a whore thing it's just like if you treat me right I'll blow you

yeah yeah it's you know that she definitely does or like a girl with a nose ring doesn't go like I don't suck dick like that doesn't happen sure yeah God fart smells what about it douche baggy things for dudes nose rings remember we took we did like a cruise in Cincinnati guys can't pull off the types of piercings that girls can sometimes guys try to looks terrible and I mean look it is a per it is a case-by-case things some dudes just have that like you see them and you're like look this works for you the look works for you but it doesn't work for a lot of guys well I'll tell you what never works

is the eyebrow piercing on dudes I've never seen one that a good one no some chicks can pull it off girls can do that yet but guys now you are sunglasses in a photograph I'm so excited about multiple toes can I talk about multiple toe rings on I really want to know so excited that's horny for sure yeah oh yeah yeah I think for guys the douche bag the tell leather cuffs like a leather like an o4 Johnny Depp yeah like a yeah cuff brace a lot of leather is bad that's another one that like some chicks can pull out you know a girl in leather pants who's right for those pants you can pull it off sure but a dude if you're not

rocking out on arena on stage somewhere no reason you can't be in leather pants whoo it's farce right on any frosted tip any frosted highlight that's without question that you're an asshole or here's a new one I've been seeing this like at the gym and stuff some guys that like paint on their black hair like they they have like Steven Seagal hair you know and they're like 60 but I mean sometimes they're like 40 and you're like that's not your hair like it's so died dark it looks really crazy it's almost like a dude wig when you see a guy in a wig you're like just fucking be bold just be natural bro be bald well

what's his name Alexander from fucking Seinfeld remember he got oh my god but at least he did it kind of honest he was like look I'm sick of being bald I want to try to get Jason Alexander I want to try to get new parts I'm gonna wear a wig and he just he was out and I think that's kind of the way to do it because everyone is gonna know and that's okay just you know wear it and then he got I think I don't think he wears it anymore and maybe he doesn't wear it anymore it was it was insane and he was like I'm doing this because I you know I don't want people to stop considering me for roles that they should consider me for

right because he's George Costanza now forever right it's really bad it was really bad I think he did stop I think you think I think he it was a phase but I like that he addressed it I admire that he was like he's upfront about it I think I'm sick of being bald I want to I want hair I get that too but it's like I also feel like if you're like I don't know if everyone knows you're bald and everyone knows it's a weird it's just weird I guess the whole thing is like when you're not a celebrity the only people that knew you were bald were people like in your life but everyone else walking around doesn't know that I

know but it's like getting a boob job you know you're gonna be like no I didn't get these huge cans so people do I remember when I worked at a production office many years ago and a girl got a nose job and she told a story instead of just saying it like she came in had the bruising had the you know the the tissue whatever goes over your your nose and the tape to hold it like she had a nose job yeah and she goes no like what happened was I was in Miami and I was partying and I fucking passed out and I when I passed out I smashed my face against the past out forward right and everyone was like you just be like I

got a nose job so true bro and then two weeks later your nose looks great yeah bullshit yeah of course you know when I went to junior high school I went with a lot of Jewish kids and all the girls on their bot mitzvah and 13 got their noses fixed I didn't really you know I know a couple girls in school that did that yeah so it's like 13 I think 13 is the age where you can get your nose yeah yeah so there was like a rash of girls and in that you know getting it amazing the change that a nose job that's probably the one thing that when it's done right is an absolute game changer oh yeah I mean I'm just glad

that I'm so lucky I have a perfect area and you know nose and you do too we're just so blessed to be perfect you know you know what I'm gonna have I can tell by my face and the nose and also family members sure this nose is gonna droop I think so too it's gonna be like this yeah your nose is gonna be in your mouth eventually you're not gonna see my what's above my lip that yeah when your face rots you know what's bad on my face is these deep under eye bags I get this nose done when I'm an older like just get the tip cut off just with a scissors yeah let me do it let me do it okay you're gonna have bags do you see

how sunken in yeah like my dad has it too but he got it he got like a little a little lift I may have to do that I you know what I would do I would do it first of all the under bag yeah I would have those bags I don't mind doing that and I also when people have the fold I have that the eye but I would do that too and pull that up yeah I mean it's a little it happened to a relative of mine where blocked his vision yeah droopy dog eyes yeah his eye fold was hanging into his eye yeah no you need to get that cut off you can't walk around looking like that you got to do these and these you got to your below your eye and above your eye

okay I tell you to skin tags of any kind or on your neck facial skin take it off take it off take it off you can take care of that it's real quick too right cheap to that's not a nose job the skin tag is like fucking 70 bucks yeah like you can really take care of yourself stupid you know you can never get rid of what toe rings you love it I'm so excited I just given you are you gonna give me credit writing credit well that's what I'm saying am I allowed to talk about it course this is definitely your lane that's why I brought it up I knew you love the topic of what what's a whore thing look at the smile on your face

look at happy words just full of glee that's all you love whore things wait can I bring up one final thing for dudes douche baggy things what's that thumb ring oh it's the worst it's the ultimate it's the ultimate douche baggy is a thumb ring I have a thumb ring joke in on my white girls CD yeah yeah it's terrible it's the ultimate like you fucked up if you're if you're a girl and you screwed around with a guy with a thumb ring you got hosed you got duped you got duped by a guy who's into duping okay that's a fucking act yeah yeah you can't pull that off you can't pull that off but it's it's almost it's

actually it's in the lane of the guy with leather pants because the guy with leather pants he might wear a thumb ring if he's on stage somewhere and there's a guitar maybe get away with it but if you're not doing that and you're doing those things right you're out of your mind you know who can get away with leather pants Keith Richards Keith Richards Stephen Perry with the Aerosmith what can I remember names today that's Tyler Perry Tyler Perry yeah what's his fucking name from Aerosmith the lead that's singer it's even Tyler even Tyler yeah that guy can do it you know younger

people of Seagal do what can't Steven Seagal do he can do I'm the king of improv Stephen Seagal meets some of our douchebag that might be my favorite thing a human being has said like that I am the king of improv if you'll forgive me say I can you wrap your real I can't get it out of my mind I mean I am the king of improv if you'll forgive me I'm saying you know what else I saw I was at the grocery store and I saw a small Asian woman using the sanitary wipes for the the carts under her armpits like words she gave herself a horse bath in front of the Albertsons with the

sanitary wipes that are wiped they're supposed to wipe down the carts and like you know I'm saying like you look at someone like that and you're like bitch you know better I mean you know how crazy that is like you know that's not right right you know that's not right she thinks it's a wipe and a wipe is a wipe it's not for your armpits fully it's you're just standing there like you know what really that tells me what kind of access to water does this bitch have where she has to use the wipe and she doesn't think she can go shower somewhere this is an India we're not all bathing in the Ganges like you can

there's running water indoors big words I mean she was what am I supposed to say no you're saying anything different she were white I would say she's why I mean I don't I'm sure her Asianness didn't add to the weirdness no but she just what I think she was foreign is what I'm trying to say like I don't think she was like an American nation she was clearly like old-school old country sure of course well I saw white people fucking up too though yeah I was a LAX on the way to Cincinnati and I saw a couple of dumb fucking white girls peeling hard-boiled eggs in the terminal the picture on I reposted your

picture from Instagram yeah it is the only thing that would have been crazier because it is crazy is on the plane because on the plane people bring stuff into this fucking list this what is it it's a tube that has zero ventilation right recycling farts and do they bring on fast food which is fucking gross on the plane I do that I'm totally so it's so good I always bring stinky food man and every once in a while you get a real animal who brings food from home yes something up and you're like fuck man because are you a crazy person it's almost anything that you put in Tupperware and you open later smells like

garbage of course it does this is a little gross as shit it is a such it's such a deliberate fuck you to people on the flight with you and if you don't think that way let me tell you it's exactly what you're doing you're you're getting on there and you're you're almost announcing to everyone on that plane I don't give a shit about anyone on here yeah it's like you're going it's really what you're doing it is I you know I take part I take it personally I take it personally to personal offense here's my pet peeve I do love I do so do I the scolding looks when everyone else has their blinds down and

you're the one motherfucker with the blind shade up that makes me bonkers that guy's such an asshole yeah or it's usually for me it's been ladies lately and then the clouds look like they have their dumb fucking square smile on so neat when you do that on a 6 to 9 a.m. departure your dick you're an asshole even if you're like well I'm up well so what man you know everyone else is not you got to act right you got to get the sleep mask that I told you that was right yeah I fucking not only passed out black but dreamed saw fucking Jesus like it was crazy to sleep with that mask on I gotta get one you have to get it you

have to get it fuck yeah why do people act rock you know you can't boil you can't peel because they don't care it's a level of like crazy it's a level of obliviousness and disregard for other people like some people like I've sat next to that window and like peeked out like oh what's out there yeah you know is this a cool you yeah and you go cool and you shut it because you go I see people I'm up and people are sleeping yeah well that the cabin needs to be dark what about the screen when you're trying to watch that's what I'm saying it fucks up everybody's movie now you can't see the screen it's distracting it's people

that are getting on a plane and going I also I mean I don't like the person that takes a long dump either yeah we've all been back on bro if it's like a three hour flight you have to shit on the plane I tell you it's it is the worst feeling the worst but sometimes it gets you you go because I'll be the I'm you know me I'll go I'm waiting to shit somewhere you can hold your dumps for hours but that there have been flights where I go I'm doing that sure and then you go fuck I'm not doing that it really just turns on you you go I got a shit you got a shit yeah it's just you know I've only ever shit on a plane maybe

twice when we flew to Africa and I sharded Africa but I was flying to fucking Africa it was like a 12 hour flight no that was a 16 hour flight because it was Atlanta to Jayberg 16 hours yeah took forever dude that was we were on a plane for 16 hours at one thing on the way back yeah or what 15 and a half there and then 16 yeah it was a long flight it was really yeah it was really something yeah L.A. to Sydney was that yeah oh Australia's terrible how are you what are you are you waiting for your windows upgrade you what let's finish this willow-jadon thing all the rules that they established yeah came into the

picture yeah and it's just like we think this is the music for animal some deal things that are yeah like that is what it is and stone but it's like maybe they are maybe they're not but it's like you decide you decide fuck and that's what misfits all about yeah it's not about breaking the rules if you love the rules and you agree then you agree and that's perfect that's what it's about you're missing that way shut up this is a doesn't take a breath what are what other young artists in the music industry do you see as inspiration for today's youth let's see what they say I definitely see it in Rory I definitely see it in

Amanda I definitely see it in there's so many there's so many youth I feel like almost everybody that you hear about in the youth whether you're hearing good things or bad things they're influencing in the youth in some type of way and that's what's necessary yeah really changing yeah these kids need to learn to speak English first yeah hey may I um may I bring up a king-ass ripper tangent now if you must yeah yeah yeah well I got a really interesting text message from my cousin Julie who has a really great analysis a thoughtful analysis on a stripper are you ready okay just real quick I hope this isn't

disrespectful hmm okay go ahead she goes he's like a perv who gets a thrill out of jerking off in front of unspecting women he wants to shock horrify or disgust not to make laugh he probably got spooked from everyone finding him and his grossness amusing oh which kind of it makes sense like you know when guys jerk off in public and you have to shame them the right is the point in a lot and that gets that person to stop yeah so I think I think there's some truth in this analysis here that maybe he wanted to shock and horrify and when we rewarded him it was like it defeats his purpose that's really really who

said this Julie my cousin Julie that's really really really genius yeah that was a very thoughtful analysis that the fact that people weren't like oh yes rose I mean some people do that but most people are like this is hilarious hilarious and that's not the reaction you wanted right but we feel that way about the burping in the eating I don't personally like the eating in the belching as much right and that's the reaction he was gross like fuck that's so disgusting but the farts we're like thumbs up we celebrated yeah that's really funny and he's like mm-hmm no then it doesn't make his dick hard what makes his dick hard is being

grossed out by him yeah and it's definitely you know it's the thing so he didn't respond to money no very telling it's very tell you know what we're right but I mean that's about being passionate about the art yeah you know he's really into the art he isn't a fartist he's the ultimate fartist I wonder what you know I bet he would give you props on the Cincinnati fart oh wow yeah wow you just dude I just got a great I got a great idea we were talking about what about where you're gonna do your special and what are you gonna name it sure why don't you go to the Natty and call it the Cincinnati fart call

you're special to Cincinnati fart yeah and then yeah opening like the little intro sketch sure be the recreation of that fart and then you walk on stage and then the background is just like an asshole blowing you know I guess I'm not and then and that's my hook on the fart comic yeah well you would really have good ideas my career thank you well I mean I think it's a better idea than you're kind of giving it credit for right now have you considered my my script proposal by the way well which which one the look who's talking version of your film your drama your dramatic film you know what somebody did this

weekend I didn't tell you first of all two things sure one a girl came up to me and she goes hey I just want to tell you and this goes back a few episodes sure I thought about it and I wouldn't lick your asshole remember when we were proposing that yeah very very important question was very taken back by that was very I go yeah why wouldn't she why wouldn't you do that and why you know she goes I just thought about it and I just I won't I won't do that and she was standing there with a man hold on hold on it read it definitely registered it was really gross go ahead so she goes I

wouldn't lick your butthole and I go it's rude you're the first person that came up to me and told me that they wouldn't right because people told me that they would and I go well who's this guy she goes this is my boyfriend my fiance and I go would you lick his and she looked at him she goes no why not and she goes I just I don't want to do that and I he goes well there's some things we should save for marriage right she's a yeah yeah maybe later and I go I mean what I'm gonna shower and she's like I can't do it so I thought that was very you know that that girl how did that make you feel well I felt like she's

on your team you know I I got you know but how would you want people to lick your butthole you remember we were discussing it no I I know but nobody wants to do it not not a lot of people want I've had a few people come up to me and tell me I don't think so yes I don't think those people are being serious about their offers they were totally serious I remember the Nashville and the Asheville people I got a few that were like yep yeah sure definitely do it well I'll tell you what when it comes time when it comes go time yeah I doubt it what's how I mean what am I supposed to pull my pants down and spread my cheeks

yep and go well there it is there it is look it like my yes I don't think so babe but I don't these are people that they're their arms are not being twisted they're just bringing it up what's the other thing what were we talking about before I went on King ass ripper yeah I forgot I forgot the thing though fuck you know it's getting old we're getting old my memory is gone is that you're saying mine is I forget things all the time lately like my asshole yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yes well you're talking about my special oh and then I asked about I asked about come on man the movie

have you given any thought oh yes thank you yes yes and a guy came up to me after Lexington okay and you know people were hanging out they're like it's showing this guy goes Tom yeah and I turn him he goes I have my dad's dick I need my dad's balls yeah and I was like dude he was like I can't wait to see it well hot but how does he want to see it as a drama or as the comedy I well that's the part that I don't know I mean you know I'll put it I mean the pitch was a drama I'm not gonna deny sure okay but it was one of those creative meetings where it kind of it really I didn't see the potential that was there

okay well I appreciate your honesty oh you you changed it yeah you changed it I'm ready to to shop it a little more you want to work shop it with me is what you're saying yeah yeah but also I want to like you know meet with directors meet with writers meet with producers and go here's what we're thinking and see how they can package it together you know you want you want to look for a production company next to kind of take this to the next level yeah of course I mean okay yeah that's how that's you know yeah okay I mean that's how this business works late in my ass late in my ass yeah yeah that's what I want to do

this stupid do you want to hear the new slang that the kids are saying yeah so I found this on Facebook the other day this is what the cool kids are saying okay let's say this just came out August 20th I love when it freezes okay do you know what it means when you say when someone calls you extra when someone calls you extra yeah no no what is it well guess when someone says you're you're extra yeah is your fat I don't know you're no you're is it an insult like you're an asshole close yeah okay so someone calls you extra you're either trying too hard or being over the top that makes sense that's yeah thank Regina George's mom

remember from mean girls however anyone from a teacher who gives too much homework to that loud drunk birthday girl stumbling around in a plastic tear it can be described as extra are you being all you being extra you extra yeah that's great okay what about snatched and by the way this is from Tamar Braxton one of our favorites so you snatched snatched you snatched can we sing the Braxton scene before we answer this okay you better get your life there's Tamar there's Tamar see here oh you you snatched I don't know that's a good one you all snatched and shit oh I can't I don't know what that

I mean to snatch is very obvious I don't know what it means when you're saying to someone that they're snatched hmm do you want to reveal well I'm sad to say it because I you know kind of brought this word into our world fleek but snatched is the new fleek first of all which Braxton are you today Tom I am hmm I'm really hungry right now that's Tracy yeah I'm tired Tracy's pretty tired I'm but I'm Tracy I'm feeling fat and sad today maybe we're two Tracy's chunky both we can both be Tracy Braxton totally okay so snatch is a new fleek so anything looks good or on

point your eyebrows your outfit can be snatched if your eyebrows are slaying they're snatched if your outfit is slang it's snatched I mean I would just say slaying I like that more slaying yeah I like snatched your eyebrows are snatched stupid I can't say it I can't say that slaying is better slaying slaying is dope I like that okay so slaying it right now with that outfit yeah that's so much yeah that's better okay okay sus can I move this foot no I like it my foot on your foot okay it's what a dominant dog does tell me again sus s u s I don't know comes from the word suspect it's the internet's word for

sketchy or shady Peter Kane yeah that's the fucking prison giggle that's the Peter Gather yeah don't be Peter Gazing oh there he is do we do we remember his name no shit don't be Peter Gazing time here we go sis sis yeah sis fucking I don't know okay sis is the new bro however you'd use bro just replace it with sis and you're good to go I was calling a guy that I worked with ten years ago sister it was a way to make fun of him right I'd be like like it's when I worked in that post place I'd be like that was your night sister and he would be like it was fine like always like why are you calling me that it's a

really like backhanded you know it's a way to get under somebody I think to calm sis yeah well now they're using it to empower I guess it's because what you're saying is that which is feminine is weak and inferior if you're calling another man sister yeah not fucking no that's that's what these the kids are doing Tom it's fucking dumb boots hey sister I'm just trying to empower you fuck you boots boots okay I don't know this one's so dumb Todrick Hall uses boots in a bunch of his most recent vile videos you just add the word boots to the end of an adjective or verb to add emphasis to whatever you're saying let's

say you're really tired you can say you're tired boots dumb so dumb it's like jeans this is the entire jeans I mean jeans is a whole different there's so many so different and so much better than boot copter all ball in a shit all right do you want any more yeah tell me the last one okay hold on so stupid okay OTP I don't know OTP stands for one true pairing your OTP is a couple of you were emotionally invested in my OTP is Beyonce and Beyonce and Jay-Z if they were to break up I'd literally die that one's kind of fun that's kind of cute yeah OTP one true pairing we're like OTP for sure we are yeah yeah I didn't know

any of those we're OTP dog fucking so lame you know OTP yeah you know me I knew snatch that's about it what was the first one um extra oh like oh you extra she's I remember on Braxton when they were talking about Tamar one time and they're like she on that new new that was funny that was great that and I liked what's the tea they were all saying what's the tea was choosing to fluid bond with someone other than your primary is a big choice yeah I think my favorite new expression is fluid bond still fluid bonding is the best yeah we fluid bonded sure did and you're there's something inside you to prove it yeah fluid bond

let's talk about that tweet today that upset you no hold on let's get this okay this is okay back to the Willow Jane so here oh I'm sorry I didn't know we were still listening listen to the yeah yeah yeah worry I definitely see it in Rory I definitely see it in Amanda I definitely see it in um there's so many youth I feel like almost everybody that you hear about in the youth whether you're hearing good things or bad things they're influencing the youth in some type of way yeah it's necessary in these times I mean we could go on forever about the amount of people that are really changing the world and things but

I just feel like you know we just want to be in that group of people and yeah yeah yeah yeah so see I am not thank you ugly looking bitch yeah yeah you are like monkey go come on up another 10 jump up on the other on the other side yeah next time if you harass my daughter she will get you on her ass one I am pregnant with my son Frederick Junior I'll be five months tomorrow and he's kicking the shit on me right now yeah my dad died three weeks ago tomorrow at 6.18 a.m. yeah my husband's real he's in the living watching TV he doesn't like drum wasting I delete him in the first playoff my fucking count right right

do you watch the Freshman's of Bel Air as much as anyone else yes it's the tide of show I watch it when I go to sleep all the time totally yeah I mean as much as a normal person would like fresh friends that's as much as we like a normal person yeah that's our dad but is it no yeah is it hard to work with your dad yes no he's a fly dude I like I prefer working with him then not you know I'm saying yeah cuz he's doing it so much that other people can help you with you know like a man yeah acting with him he doesn't let her talk will you remember this feeling like this yeah so we need to feel like right now it's like

it's nothing compares bearable you won't even let willow get a word it I haven't learned in my family pain yeah Jesus let your sister talk asshole yeah he's the whole time he's just and he's like so hopped up yeah this is my dad's a fly dude he's a cool dude oh boy yep I am the king of improv if you're saying so I can't forgive it it's too ridiculous let's uh yeah I got this video this is pretty cool let's check this out this seems like it's pretty good okay I don't want to give away what exactly you're gonna hear on it but tell me if it registers to you I'm ballin you ready yep you want to see

everything that I did see you hold on I'll show you it's a camera I mean I'll show you on a pillow that I use because these pillars are flat as a door now and I don't sleep on them I remember you do yeah how do you remember her I've seen this all you have I've seen this I don't remember what she does but I do what you describe her so that like fucking crazy but describe her yeah she's a chunky white girl with bad teeth bad teeth blond short short short blonde hair isn't she squirts on you see them stains on a you see them stains on there and she's fucking white it's a pillow with like horrific grody like yellow

orange stains hey how are Sammy she's talking to her chat her chat room you see them stains on here oh my god please yeah see the stains yes you fucking see them yeah ding dong go bitch yeah that's for me and that's not pain that's squirts disgusting that is disgusting thank you for bringing that into my world again every time you bring up something well grossly and porno it's really neat well you know you could get the the willow curve and then you'll feel you'll feel yeah willow curve yeah willow curve you know yeah so gross white people are the

scourge of the earth and now fucking worst white people we got to run jeans okay I love you I love you jeans don't forget September 26 the mom house the ice mom house in Pasadena we're in the main room get your tickets now I'm in Honolulu Hawaii and then Charlotte Raleigh art lit DC babe wasn't there one that we got really upset that we taint louis taint louis that was such a good one and then the shoreline amphitheater on September 20th all right I gotta put my jeans on we got so much to do a crazy day we love you guys thanks for listening to the show and we'll be back next week bye jeans my mommy

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