Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 310-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: September 24, 2015

Drink Mountain Dew before bed! A riveting Dental Update from Tom - buckle up you will be shocked. Kamala Devi revelations (our favorite Poly-Bi couple). Safe Haven pooping locations. Christina is getting hit on by black guys now more than ever! Plus a special phone call with a YMH favorite - Peter Caine. Huge episode!

China is the new china by the way. It's China to me me me me me me. China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China you Know China I know China very well People they're real Chinese grannies China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China Alabama China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China China-

Hey, by the way, I love China. I mean, I love China. How can you not love China? I love China. China China. People think I don't like China. I love China. Aylin with the China Trump right there. I like that. It's really good. I like that. I really like that. I like that a lot. You know what I mean? I really like that. We got a fucking crazy show today, guys. So much going on. First and foremost, I'll tell you that Thursday, September 24th, which is momentarily, I'll be at the San Jose Improv with your baby's father, Matt Folschron. Two days later, September 26th, it's the big one. Clam Jose?

Clam Jose. Really good job. Thank you. That's Thursday, Saturday, September 26th. Jeans and I are at the Ice House Pasadena in the main room. That's the big room prime time, 8 o'clock Saturday night. The first time we're taking the show, the live podcast to the main room, we're very excited. Hope you can come and make it. People were at my show last night in Ventura telling me that they're coming to that show as well. Oh, good. I'm glad.

A lot of surprises we're going to have. Very excited. Next week, Illadelphia. Illadelphia? I'm coming to Illadelphia to do Helium October 1, 2, and 3. Helium Comedy Club, one of my favorite in the country. And the following week, October 7 through 10, I believe, is Mamiapolis. I'm doing Acme, one of the Lord's great comedy clubs. Wait, isn't the entire month of October called Momtober?

I thought it was Cocktober. Oh, sorry. Wow. Okay, Momtober, Cocktober. Or either way. And then shortly thereafter, Oklahoma City, Houston, Dallas, Austin, and San Antonio, one night only, each city. Of course, the big new shows of this year are later in November. I'm doing the New York Comedy Festival, and it's at the Skirball Center.

It's my show, one show only. Skirball Center, very famous spot there on the NYU campus. Sounds dirty, like skirball. Yeah, like skirby balls. Yeah, like skirby balls. It could be really dirty balls, but I'm so pumped to do that. And my final show of the year is now November 14, that's before my New Year stuff. November 14th in New Haven, Connecticut.

In Connecticut. Khamneticant. Khamneticant, at the John Lyman Center for Performing Arts. It is open to the public as well as students. So if you're in New Haven, Khamneticant, please come out. Jeans? Jeans, I am now homebound because I'm making our child, but I will be doing shows here. October 2nd, I just added, one night only, I'm headlining the Melrose Improv.

That's the Hollywood Improv on Melrose Avenue. October 2nd, the 8 o'clock show, get your tickets now. And then October 29th, one night only in Brea, 8 o'clock, October 29th. So get your tickets to those two shows at 1000 Ranch dot com. The ticket links are there. I can't wait to see you guys on Saturday. I'm so stoked for this, your mom's house live in Pasadena. I think it's going to be really fun.

It's going to be pretty crazy to be doing it in the big room. The main mommy. Well, you know what? You and I are main mommies and we deserve the main room. All right. Time to do our show. Let's party. Ready, Jeans?

Hell yeah, ma'am. Let's do it. Let's do it. I'm drinking a Mountain Dew past midnight. I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight. I don't give a shit. This shit is big time. Who is Randy?

Don't bring anyone loving to this. No mom in the fucking stand. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segura. Tom Setsu. And Christina Pedizic. Wow.

Christina Pedizic. Welcome to your mom's house. Wow. Look at you. God, close your hands. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, do you know who could play a guitar like that for real though?

Steven Seagal. Steven Seagal can do that. I mean, he can pretty much do anything. If you have something that you need done, why not have somebody that's good at just, you know, in the moment. I am the king of improv if you forgive my saying so. So yeah, I believe he can do that. If you don't mind me saying that.

I love that clip. He's like, I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit. What made him not say fuck and go to shit because it was too harsh? Because he's on the internet and he's like, my mom's going to see this. Dad's going to see this. Or maybe he was just like, you know, that's the line today. Sometimes your line is different.

I know. You go fuck's too harsh. I don't want to say it. Can we hear him again? I don't want to say it. It's really cute. I'm drinking a Mountain Dew past midnight. I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight.

I don't give a shit. And you see his teeth go in front of his lower lip for the fuck? He goes for it. And then he goes shit. That's the best part. I'm drinking a Mountain Dew past midnight. I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight. I don't give a shit.

Wow. Little dangerous. That is a very dangerous way of living. I don't give a shit. Past midnight, y'all. You ever done that? You ever realized that you just had something that's going to keep you up late? Of course.

It was delicious. All the time. I've done that with coffees. Yeah. I was like, oh, this espresso is delicious. And I just drink it. And I'm like, it's 11 o'clock at night right now. Yeah, usually.

For me, it's eating a lot because I'm just so hungry all the time. And I'll eat a big bowl of pasta. I wanted to talk to you. Sure, go ahead. Your stomach's been getting bigger lately. You've been eating a lot more? It's like, it's just beer. It's just beer and brats?

Yeah. I usually eat red sauce and pasta and then I lay down and I'm like, oh, this is not going to be good for me because I'll up check it all night. It comes right back up. It's good. Red sauce and pasta. That is your go-to. Is that your all-time favorite?

Yeah, it's my ultimate white trash special. It's my death row meal. That's not white trash. The way I do it is I like to have just regular old pasta, ragu traditional. And then craft shaky cheese. That's my death row meal. I love that shit so much. What's your go-to?

I mean, you know, one of my favorite go-to. I like sandies, you know? You love sandies. I like an Italian sub. Or if it's at home, I think I don't make them as often, but I love getting like sliced like peppered turkey, you know? Where there's a little bite to it. You mean when it's around the rim of the slice?

If it's cracked pepper, though? Oh, I hate that. It hurts my teeth. You like that? Yeah, but you got donkey teeth. I have like really good teeth. I don't know. We'll get into that a bit later.

Somebody has a dental update to share. I do. But I like my, I like sandies. Yeah. You know, I like brekkie. That's my ultimate go-to is breakfast. Well, breakfast is for breakfast time only, but you seem to eat it whenever you want. I like breakfast at all hours.

I like breakfast for breakfast time. Yeah. I like breakfast for lunch. I like breakfast for dinner. Well, what you've been doing, which has been throwing the weight stuff anywhere we go into a complete tiffy or whatever the word is I'm looking for, you've been asking for basted eggs, which it's like you may as well been asking people how to do the moon launch because they don't know what the fuck basted is.

I don't know what basted is. It's, it's funny. Master basted. I forgot how I got them the first time. Then for a while I was going places and saying it servers were like writing it down. And now that I was saying it a lot more, I'll go, yeah, I'll take a basted eggs and they'll be like, I'm sorry. I'll go basted and they go basted.

They'll repeat it to me. I go, yeah. And they go, okay. And then I've had managers come up. Like, yeah, I've been there with you. And like, how do we make that? Yeah. And I pulled up a YouTube video.

Oh my God. Well, I go, you know, just make it the way I want it. What is basted? It's like poached. Yeah. It's, yeah. You're basically, you're, it's like a poached egg. Um, you know, just like the way today we are going to show you how to make a basted egg.

I have many, many requests, um, from people emailing me and texting me asking me how they asked me what a basted egg is. There you go. And secondly, how do you make a basted egg? And we'll show you with my first little video on how to do so. Please tell me you jerked off on the egg. Basically, I just basted it. Ha, ha, ha.

Basically is an egg that the white is completely done, but the yolk is runny. I hate to use the word runny because it sounds disgusting. But the, the yolk is loose. That sounded even worse. Loosens. But you get it. It's sunny side up. But it's not because the whole yolk is covered.

Covered in white? Yeah. Okay. So it's not sunny side up. The white's completely cooked over, but the yolk inside stays soft. It's a little bit like poached. It's like a poached egg. But you don't, but poached, a poached egg you're supposed to make in water.

You know, you have like hot water in there. You drop it in there. The water's spinning. And you know, that's how some people make a poached egg or some people use that poached egg device where the water boils over it. But this, the guy's making us on a pan. But the key about a basted egg is having that really beautiful film, white film over the top.

It's so boring. That makes them picture perfect like they should be in a Bob Evans restaurant to cover. How do you do it? I don't know. You can take all day to get there, man. And over easy eggs. First of all, are ugly. You're ugly.

You're ugly. They usually don't get the whites. Yeah. It's like John's soccer. There's usually some. White stuff under. White stuff. But anyway, gooey.

How do you do it? Come on. So I try to avoid them whenever possible. So far, I can't. So far, he put butter on a pan. Yeah. And he just cracked an egg. And right now, that egg has been cooking.

And it's, the white is cooking pretty well. The yolk is still soft. The griddle here. It's on the grill. Medium temperature. I'm sprinkling some pepper on there. What is this orb sound under it? Lemon pepper shipped all the way from Northern Michigan.

I gotta fucking know how to do it. It's pretty tasty. He's killing me, though. You're killing me. Put a little bit of butter down or some, you can use some spray Pam, but plop your egg on there. And the key is cooking a basted egg slowly. You don't want to get your.

There you go. Griddle too high. Ah, guess what he just did? He covered it with a lid of an egg before the pan. Yeah. It's like how you put cheese on it. Cheeseburger. What I'm doing now is I'm kind of tapping the whites.

They should be about halfway done. And I'm putting a lid on it. And that's going to start cooking the rest of the whites completely. And at the same time, it's also going to start putting just a little film over that yolk. Oh, God. He's so boring. I wish you would jerk off on it.

That would be the only funny part if he's like, basted. There's a video here attached to that drinking in Mountain Dew past midnight. It says drinking of a 50 year old Mountain Dew. Yeah. So we just see what's there. Has it even been around that long? I don't know. Yeah.

What started out as what seemed to be a really good idea has legitimately made me scared for my life as I'm about to drink Mountain Dew that was bottled 50 years ago. And it seemed good in theory until I got a look at the bottle. Ew. I don't know if you can see it through the camera there. What's it look like? But there's shit floating all inside. Yeah.

Yeah, don't drink that, bro. That's going to make you sick, man. He's smut lighting a cigarette. Another possible outcome is... You know what the problem with this guy is? This video is old. I mean long. Yeah.

This is a long video. This is a problem. I was trying to watch stuff on like childbirth and then the person talks for 10 minutes before they give you any goddamn information. It's so annoying. Yeah. Gotta get to it, bros. Here we go.

Oh, God. He's about to drink it. What the fuck is going on? How does it smell? I don't know. He puts it up to his lips. He's drinking. He's drinking.

Ew. What color is it? Is it brown? Well, the bottle is to his mouth. Hold on. Keep going. Actually, it's pretty good. Keep going.

Everything just came to the top. Ew. Ew. Ugh. Ugh. Keep going. Oh, 50-year-olds, you shouldn't do that. Mountain Dew is pretty disgusting as it is.

When was the last time you had a Mountain Dew? I remember a guy when I was in high school. It was like another kid's parent who had a Mountain Dew addiction and he had a two-liter bottle with him wherever he went. Oh, my God. Yeah. He had an addiction like a Coke addiction. It was really serious.

Isn't Mountain Dew higher in sugar than Coca-Cola than any of the Soviets? That's what everybody said, but I don't know if technically if that's true. I can't even stand Mountain Dew. It's so gross. I can't tell you the last time I had it. Honestly, maybe I was a child this last time I had it. Let's see. It's so grody.

Let's see. You have to be a fucking child to drink Mountain Dew. How much sugar is in those drinks? Let's see. Why would you drink Mountain Dew? It's so disgusting. Coca-Cola, 12-ounce can, has 39 grams of sugar, which is so much, and a one-liter bottle has 108 grams.

Oh, my God. Let's see. Let's see. Big goal. Okay, Mountain Dew. Mountain Dew, a 20-ounce can, we're not comparing the right thing here, 20-ounce of Coca-Cola has 65 grams of sugar, 20-ounce of Mountain Dew has 77 grams, so yeah, it does have more. Yeah.

Wow, that's terrible. Yeah. Do you think you must hate yourself if you're drinking that much Mountain Dew as an adult? A two-liter? Yeah. I would think so. You hate yourself. Two-liter is a lot.

Right. And I do also remember that drinking that for him was actually quite damaging to his two-fees. Oh, wow, we're going to get into it. Wow. You couldn't wait, huh? Big-time dental update. Yeah.

Let's hear it. I can't, I can't wait. Well, you know, I fucked up. Okay. As much as I talked about taking care of two-fees, I haven't been to the dentist. In over a year. Right, which is easy. It happens.

You know, you travel a lot, you lose track of time. I do have some insight, though, and I think sometimes I was like, I can't believe that this happened, like that it went this long. I went in there, I was like, oh, shit, man, you know, and I have brushed and flossed and I've maintained. Sure. I haven't gotten my cleaning. And the dental hygienist was like, oh, you haven't been here in a while.

Have you been, you know, taking care, yeah, she goes, okay, let's take a look. And she told me that I had some gum inflammation, which was a sign of, like, not doing as much maintenance as I should, and I needed to be cleaning or like seeing them more often. She's like, you really need to get professionally cleaned every six months. And I said, okay. Who does that though, really? I mean, that's so strict. I mean, I don't go, I go about every eight.

And I had a little bit of a sensitivity, you know, in my gums, and she goes, did you just flick the booger on the carpet? No, in the trash can. Did it make it into the trash can? I didn't look, but I think it made it. You think? I walk around barefoot in this office, you know that? Okay.

So, go ahead. So, I go. Is she the younger one? The younger? No. Okay. So, this lady goes. Bit of a cunt.

No, no, no, no. This lady was super nice, super nice. She started doing that, and she's, you know, doing the numbers, the one, two, three, four. Oh, she counted you out like that? She did the numbers? She counted the whole way around. And those are gum numbers, you know, those are all about your gums. Anyways, two of them were not good numbers.

Because it's the higher you go, it's the worst. It's the worst, yeah. So, we're talking like eights? No, no, no. Fives to the ceiling. Yeah, I mean, fives. Oh, okay. That's not bad.

And usually the back teeth tend to be worse, because they're harder to clean. But yes, and she goes, I heard her, I'm like my mouth's open, and she's like two, three, three, three, which is like okay, three's okay, and then she was like four, and note a lot of bleeding on this one, and I was like, oh my God. Anyways, then I was bracing for cavities. No cavities. Whoa, all right. No cavities.

Then I got full x-rays, because I haven't had them in a while, and I got the full exam by the dentist, and he goes, no, you're in good shape. Great. Let's just come back. Oh, so they only did half my mouth of the cleaning. Which is so bizarre. It was really weird, and I think they said it was because of the gum sensitivity, but I didn't complain.

It's because they noted sensitivity. I wasn't like, ow, you're hurting me. I think it's because it took too much time. Yeah, it did take a while. So, you took up her hour, that's what it really is. Okay, now, can I tell you why I think now I haven't been so often? I go, all right, she goes, can you come Thursday to do the other half, because we need to do the other half?

And I go, no, I'm going to San Jose. And she goes, okay, well, our next opening is February. Of 2016. Yeah, and I go, wait a minute. It's September. Yeah. You're telling me your next opening is February? That's fucking stupid.

And then I go, I think that's why I haven't been here very often, because I probably tried to make an appointment and you said, how about next June? Anyways, I really like that office, but I can't go to a place that can only see me. Well, why doesn't that doctor hire, the dentist needs to hire another hygienist? They have too many customers and not enough hygienists. That's crazy. You know, she kind of was a little rude to me. Well, I don't know if we're talking about the same person.

Well, here's the thing. I have impeccable dental hygiene, not like you. You're a disgusting animal. I flossed. She did chastise me. She goes, you know, you should really spend a little extra time on those back teeth. Like when you're brushing them, just spend a little extra time. And I was like, don't fucking sass me.

I want it to be like, bitch, my mouth looks better than most people that come through here. I guarantee my mouth is better. Yeah. I mean, how many people floss? Nobody even flosses. Wow. Dude, could you imagine?

I did slack on flossing lately. Yeah, what happens? Could you imagine all the old people that come in there? And she told me last time, she said that the old people have, it's all food in between your teeth. Yeah, food just stays in there. I'm going to vomit too. Because they don't floss.

They don't give a fuck. Like when you're old, you're just like, cares. And they show up just food all in their mouth. Old food. Dude, so wait a minute. Does she say like, this is precursor to dad mouth? Well, yeah, I said, you know, this gum inflammation, what's causing it? And she said, well, I don't know how to tell you this, but she goes, are you expecting?

And I said, yeah, we're having a kid in December. And she goes, yeah, this is like early onset dad mouth. And she goes, your mouth's going to deteriorate at a rapid pace. And you're having a kid. And she's like, pretty soon your dumps are going to smell even worse. Mm-hmm. Oh, dad dumps are coming. Yeah.

That happens the moment the kid gets here. You take volatile morning dumps and reek up the whole house. Your breath's going to smell like shit forever. So fucking pissed about that. Then they both, the hygienists and the dentists were like, you actually have really good teeth. Yeah. You know? I was never at a returner.

I hate you. Look at these things. You do have really good teeth. Yeah. They're straight. You're so lucky. And I got a dad joke from the dentist. Okay.

I go, yeah, I've been kind of, I know I've slacked a little lately on my flossing and he goes, well, I like to say, only floss the ones you want to keep. And I go, that's a good, he goes, I figured you'd like this since you're in comedy. Yeah. Yeah. How often do you like that? I did like it. I did like that joke.

Yeah. I think how often does he roll that one out? I think he doesn't overdo it, but you know, he, um, he, he dishes it out every night again. Yeah. Absolutely. Um, so anyways, guys, take care of your two fees. Get your, you know, you got to get your cleanings, brush, do your thing, floss. For God's sake.

Use mouthwash. I love mouthwash. Well, yeah, I don't use mouthwash as often as I probably should. I love it. Look, but you love that feeling. Yeah. But do you do it in lieu of brushing? No, not at all.

No, no, no. But like, I like it. It's a great like morning, like the first, first thing in your mouth in the morning. Yeah. Like to, like, to, you know, you have your, you just woke up your shit mouth. Yeah. Have that you rinse it with mouthwash and you're like, oh, it feels good. Then I brush and I like it.

I like it at night too. Actually. I like it before. No, you're always real. Your breath always smells great. You don't have dad mouth at all. Yeah. Me, I'm kind of the opposite.

Cause I don't, when I wake up the first thing I put in my mouth, at least before I was pregnant was coffee. Cause I was like, cause I just want, I needed coffee. Before you brush. Yeah. Now the first thing I do is I eat a bowl of cereal. Cause I'm so hungry. Yeah.

Why do you do it before brushing? Cause I'm so hungry when I wake up. I didn't realize I was married to such a pig. Wait. And here's why. You're a donkey. Yeah. Cause I like minty tastes in my mouth when I want to eat food or drink coffee.

Oh, I know. I know. I know. Yes. I know what you're saying. Cause now I can't eat what I want to eat for like another 30 minutes. Cause I just brushed. That's one of the, that's what's so good about some of the mouth washes that some of them

aren't minty. You can pick your flavor. You know? Yeah. Why don't you just pick a different flavor? I mean. Here's, but here's what I've been doing too. I do a light brush.

So it's not cause we use aqua fesh, that extra whitening and it's like stings your mouth. So I just use a little bit of toothpaste and that way it just like freshens it up, but not too severe. Yeah. And just so you know, I haven't done shit to shower since I've been pregnant cause I haven't had any runny dumps this whole time. Look, there's long lasting mint. There's peppermint.

Wait, what brand though? I don't like Listerine. I don't want to use it. Scope. Scope's good. Yeah. There's mint. I guess these are all minty.

These ones. There are different ones though. Hold on. Mouthwash flavors. There's a, there's a, isn't there a red one here? Yeah. Oh, I like the cinnamon one. Yeah.

It's cinnamon flavor. Act or whatever. Yep. I love that stuff from childhood. Yeah. I was good. And Listerine makes three. Let's see.

Original. It's too strong. Too strong. It hurts my little mouth. Doesn't it hurt you? It hurts. I kind of like, I like that. You like the burn?

Yeah. Then burn. Then burn. Then greasy. I think there's a lot of people that probably do do what you're saying though, and they use mouthwash in lieu of brushing. Yeah. Yeah.

That's pretty foul. That's pretty gross. Hey, you remember like not too long ago we played, a couple weeks ago, this kid, Slim Jesus? Yeah. You ain't really bossy still. Here it is. Right.

And he's, he's a kid. I found out he from Ohio too, right? I didn't know that. It's from Hamilton, Ohio. Slim Jesus. All right. It's really good. We're trying to give you the rap.

Yeah. So we talked about this kid a while, right? Yeah. All right. Okay. So he's, he's giving you that tough talk. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. That's a kid talking tough. Yeah. Talking real tough. And then there was, there was rumors that he died. Yeah. He's not dead. Oh, thank God.

Somebody who is also an unknown rapper named Ben Summers, he dropped a diss track to Slim Jesus. Oh no. Yeah. Uh-oh. So listen to this kid. He's just, he's a, you know, this is, this is a different skill. Yeah.

It's like shit. What's wrong? What's wrong? I don't like you. Yeah. I don't. I don't like you. I, I don't like you.

Do you love me? Yeah. Oh lord. Do you love me? Yeah. I don't like you. No. Yeah.

Yeah. I love you. I love you. I don't. I don't. I don't like you. I like you. Yeah.

You're really good. So listen to him. I don't. I don't. All right. Heiant. Sweet. Dude can spit.

You know what I'm saying? He's good, he's good at those raps. You know what I'm saying? Put on a little slim in his place right there Mm-hmm. Sorry slim. He's just a kid. I feel bad talking about a little kid.

Yeah. He's definitely a kid. Yeah. I think I really hate some. Yeah. And then that kid did this interview. There's this, you're probably not familiar with Vlad TV, but this guy interviews basically everybody in hip hop about every beef or anything that goes down and he got Slim Jesus.

I'm from Hamilton, Ohio. It's a little north of Cincinnati. That's him. Okay. So people are familiar with Cincinnati, but people don't really know about Hamilton. So tell me a little bit about what Hamilton is like. I don't know. I hate just talking about like the crime and drugs and stuff in the city, but I mean I

love it. It's my city. It's where I'm from. It's made me who I am. So what part did you grow up in exactly? Hamilton? Yeah. Like you said, what part of it?

Is there a certain part of Hamilton you grew up in? Well, I mean I lived over on the east side for a long time and then I lived over on the west side like currently. Okay. Okay. You know, when you listen to your music, there's a lot of street stories. Like how involved were you street wise in terms of? Street wise?

Like I mean, for the most part on the street shit, like I got homies that are in that shit and I know people who are and people around me. I mean, I haven't like, I'm not out here catching bodies and shit, obviously. Like I'm fucking smart, but like, I mean, I know people and I've been, you know, in some situations, but I'm not like out here fucking killing people. Do you have a criminal record at all? No, no, I'm straight. So you've never been arrested?

No, I've never been arrested. I'm straight. Okay. Have you got some homies that have gotten into some shit? Oh yeah, no. So basically, you see what's happening, right? He's like, are you tough at all? Yeah.

And he's just basically like, I got friends that are tough. Well, he's like 12 years old. He's such a young, he looks real young. Yeah. He's just trying to make some raps. And you've never been arrested? No. I heard somebody laughing.

They're like, this motherfucker ain't even been arrested. What a loser who's never been arrested or stabbed somebody. But the problem is that he's talking like, like he's got guns and, you know, him and his squad are going to come get you. One of my dudes, like one of my dudes who was in that video that blew up almost did eight years. That shit was crazy. Like we wouldn't have been seeing him till he was leaving.

Almost did. Okay. What was that over? Sweet. So. Okay. Okay. I don't want to go into that too much, but that's just crazy.

Okay. I mean, if you look at the shit that you've been involved in yourself, like, and you've been involved in it, you don't have to name any names or anything like that, but what do you think was the most serious situation? I've had people like, like on some shit, like, man, we're going to pull up and you know, blah, blah, blah. Okay. Poor kid.

How old is he really? I think it's embarrassing. Um, he looked, I mean, he's definitely a teenager. I don't know. Yeah. Probably like six. Yeah. But I mean, Eminem, was he doing gang banging?

No. He just lived in a shitty neighborhood. I think so. Yeah. But was he talking about killing people? I don't know. I don't know if he was or not. Yeah.

Listen, they all fudge it. Right? Officer Ricky. Wasn't Rick Ross? Ricky. Wasn't he fudging his, uh, criminal history? Yeah. I think so.

And then he, he's one of those guys that I think he's become more of a criminal since he's become famous, which is always the dumbest thing. Right. Yeah. Like him and his boys, like, I don't know, I think they held their gardener at gunpoint and kidnapped him and he's a fucking. Now that you've got the success, I mean, listen, if you're doing well as a gangbanger, why are you rapping?

You don't have time to make raps if you're hustling and you're really doing it. Right? You're saying make your raps. Yeah. You just, you wouldn't have time to make raps if you were such a good hustler. Right? Oh, I see what you're saying. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You have their dealing and signing. You're going to time the fucking record songs. Yep.

Yep. It's silly. Um, there's actually, uh, another update from our show. Uh, Donna Godot. Yeah. We even, we even addressed it a while ago that she, uh, there was rumors that she was dead. Yeah.

All these death rumors. Yeah. It was silly. She's, uh, she's not dead. She's in prison though. Thank God. I think for that crime and a guy wrote to her and was able to get an interview with her in prison.

Um, Hey munchie. Mama, I love you. P O P. Hold it down. Ain't nothing changed. Pimp score for life. Baby.

So what was your rapper name? My rapper name is Ms. Dollabille. So she's, she's alive, which is great. Yes. She gets into the story of how they, um, how she got caught up in this whole thing and how she was arrested. It's very like, it's very long.

Oh, well. Kind of twisted. Yeah. I'll just give you a little taste. Yeah. Well, yeah. Can you summarize it for us? No.

He was claiming was he. So that's how me, Keyron and Jeremy ended up in the car. Keyron was the driver. I was on the passenger side and the dude, Jeremy, no one related to me was in the backseat. So we wanted to get some weed on the way going. So we stopped to carvateurs known as CT to get some, you know, weed to smoke. Was it Reggie weed or was it the, it was regular weed. Reggie, two for five from the two for five man.

All right. So my little homeboy angle says nine, which was, you know, people from New Orleans called each other round. That's right. So he called me round. I called him round. My cow defender's down on him. So he brought some weed to and he hopped in the car with us.

He was the full person. So we was, we was matching. So they dropped me out to hit the lead, the dude who, you know, smoke crack, he don't like. People posted on the site. If you want to hear the Donna Godot full story of how she got caught up, I love you. Then you can, it's what led to that, poor girl. Yeah. It's a long story though.

But I like when they are, they're in prison, they're doing the time for the crime and they're still like, well, I'm still an asshole. Nothing's changed. Could you change? Yeah. Change. Please change. So you get out of prison for the love of Christ.

Just change. Yeah. You're supposed to change. She's still holding it down. Still holding it down. You know what I was thinking about Tommy? I was, uh, last week I saw my shrink and I had to take a dump, like right after my, my session.

Okay. No, no. Sorry. I saw my shrink. I went to go to eat my tuna melt where I normally go. You know that cafe I took you to. And then I had to shit right after and I thought to myself, well, I can't go back to my shrink's office because she's gone.

She's, you know, I can't use their toilet. Yeah. And then it occurred to me that I have like, I have safe haven toilets for all the places that I frequent in the world. Right. And I was like, oh, I can go to this particular restaurant, not the one that I ate at and they've got two private stalls and I can shit there. And I did.

There's, there's, there's good toilets in this world and there's ones you don't want to, there's ones that you know that you're going to like, I can't, I'm not going to do it there. Right. What I'm saying, like it's important to have your safe havens, right? There are places you can count on where you're like, I know of a good toilet here. Is this place near the shrink? It's, it's, it's the restaurant across the street from the cafe that I frequent.

Oh. It's like a fancy one. So I always. Nice toilets. Yeah. You go to the fancy places, like a hotel lobby, like the four seasons, nobody's going to doubt. Dude.

What you're doing. Absolutely. You can, a four seasons lobby, any, any high-end hotel, by the way. Go shit in there. That, that I should, I should recap kind of my last week. Please. And thank a lot of people that you listened to this show that came to a lot of shows. I was in Charlotte on last week.

Yes. And then Raleigh. I don't know what was it, but we, you know, and then Watch Me Come, Dick Come. And then Taint, Taint Dude Tits, Missouri. And then. Taint Dude Tits. Uh-huh. It's really juvenile guys.

Then I was at the Shoreline Amphitheater, the Sharkline Amphitheater in Mountain View, California on Sunday. And that was a massive show that was, um, that was Dave Chappelle headlined it. Right. He's still, he's doing stand-up again. Thank God. Yeah. He's touring.

He was so fucking funny. And then it was, it was him. I was on the show, Michael Che, Tony Woods, Sarah Tiana, uh, Ricky Velez, and Chris Tucker, who I ended up sitting on the plane with, flew back with to LA. No, no, you guys are BFFs. That dude's the best. He's so great. I really, really, really enjoyed hanging out with him.

But on the, I stayed in the city because I got an itinerary that said stay in the city. So I flew in there and then you drive out to Mountain View. I, I got an Uber. The guy drove me. It was like about an hour drive to Mountain View. Then I go, Hey, do you want to just pick me up after this? He goes, how about I'll just stay here. I'll give you a flat rate.

Oh, that's nice. And I go, okay, cool. So I do that was as we're leaving, I call you and we're leaving the, the, the Amphitheater. Yeah. We're driving back. I go, I have to pee. Yeah. This one.

It's like an alcoholic beer. Was it a beer piss? Yes. We're like, fuck. I had a beer. I knew what I needed. I needed one. So I had a beer and I still peed before I left, but it was like, it was one of those like

10 minutes later. You know, you're like, fuck. And then after I hung up with you, I go, dude, I, this is crazy, but I have to pee. And he goes, okay. And he went right to an exit and pulled right into a hotel, like a W hotel. Yeah. And then he goes, go to the back and make a right. And he knew, he had a safe haven and it was the, like the, the most relieving was a piss.

So it's not like when you have to dump, but it really reinforced the hotel idea. You go to hotels and what I did too, is just even though no one's going to stop me, I acted a little bit. I walked in the hotel and I looked around like I was like, where is, where's Sam at right now? Yeah. I was trying to find my friend. And I did like, I looked over to the bar, like curiously, like it's over there.

I'm going to look over here and then I went back to the bathroom. Yeah. You got to do your acting. I did that too at this restaurant because it's a nice place. Yeah. Is he, I don't, I don't see my friends back here. Yeah. I'm just looking for a friend.

My friend's probably in the bathroom. Let me go look at them. Let me see if he's in there. Cause if I piss, he'll probably piss with me. I'm trying to think of other ones. Yeah. It's important to have your spots when you're away from home. You got to like on your, on your regular routes, so to speak.

Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. Mailman was in the neighborhood the other day. Oh. Yeah. You want to talk about maybe getting some of your flirting under control? How many, how many guys am I flirting with right now?

I don't know. How many men am I interested in exactly? I know that there's definitely a FedEx truck that comes to our neighborhood. Yeah. There's a regular mailman. There's a substitute mailman. Sparklet's guy now. Oh, great.

Who I have no idea what he looks like yet. I've never seen him. He's a black guy. He's cute. He's got strong legs. Why do you have to lead with? He's cute. Well, he is.

He was really cute. And yet, you know, they lift those big gallon things. You've jungle fever. He's got jungle fever. Jungle fever. Yep. You know it. I never dated a black guy before we got married.

I never did. I never got around to it. But I will tell you this being pregnant, black guys are hitting on me and I'm not just making that up. I mean it. So I'm serious. Don't look at me like I'm stupid. No.

So I was, I was getting, I was in one of my safe haven spots. I was getting like a water. Okay. I didn't say that. Did not say that. No, I know. Yeah. Why'd you have to drop that drop?

I don't know. I didn't know where I wasn't going anywhere like that. Yeah. No big words there. Sweet. Was a sad. Oh my God. Yeah.

Okay. Anyway, I was getting water and the gentleman, gentlemen, he opened the door for me and a lot of, a lot of people are rude. They don't even give a shit about looking behind them to see. And he saw that I was preggers and slow and he took his extra time to open the door for me. And I was like, wow, thank you. That's, you know, very, thank you.

And then he just kept looking at me like eyeballing me and I was like, all right, bro. You know, in my head, I'm like, you see what's happening here. Like I'm not throwing it out there. And I just, he just kept looking at me and looking at smiling and looking at me. And I kind of hung, I hung, hang back a bit and he paid for his stuff and then he turned out a smile at me again. He got a stiff dick. Okey-doke.

Yeah. So I gave him my number. Nice. We're going to go out when you're out of town. And when you're in San Jose, we're going to go out. And do you think it'll be tough for him or do you think tough for him to get in there? To get in there? Yeah.

Do you think he'll have to work or do you think it'll be easy for him? You should hook up with him. You know why? Why? It's your last rendezvous. Hmm. It's your last chance, man. Why?

I can still have sex after I have a baby. No, that's it. Shuts down. Shuts forever. Forever. Is that how nature works? You have one of your babies and then you're done. Yeah.

Yeah. How mad would you be if you just looked at another book or on the floor? Crash can. It didn't make it there, but you don't even make sure it's in there. Yeah, yeah. Ugh. Would you be upset though? Like, come on.

If what? If I had sex with somebody else right now, it's like nothing bad can happen. No, it's fine. It's kind of like it's a freebie, you know? Yeah. I can't get preggers. Nothing bad can happen. Fine.

I don't care. I don't care. You know why? I like that you play. I play. Playing. You play. Okay.

I'm poly and I'm bi. Okay. Yeah. Speaking of poly and bi, do you want to talk about the website that was sent to us? Okay. About somebody on the cast of that show. You want to talk about it? Well, yeah, I thought we were gonna.

Okay. KamalaDevi.com. Yeah. Um, yeah, let's pull it up. So somebody sent us a link. So Kamala is one of the dirty hippies on our fantastic poly bi show on, uh, what's a show called polyamorous? Yeah.

Married and dating. Polyamorous colon, married and dating. And so Kamala is like an instructor and she, she teaches the white Tigris. Yeah. Apparently. Yeah. But something happened, um, on this in, in the, somebody misled us. Somebody.

They were mistaken. They were mistaken. Yeah. I mean, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, the white Tigris is a old school, very, very well known clip from this show. Um, I want to talk a little bit about the white Tigris practices. I practice as a white Tigris for about a year in the oral sex tradition. There's a lot of things like, for example, we have a technique where you're really sucking

deeply the penis. Now that clip, you know, it got a lot of play on the show many moons ago. And then, uh, somebody said that that is Kamala, Debbie, the, the, the woman from the show. This would be. Choosing to exclude bond with someone other than your primary is a big choice. That's Kamala. And we, I blew my mind that this is the same person. But what we're saying is that it's not, it's not the same person because that woman didn't

coin the fate. The phrase white Tigris, like that's a known practice. Now Kamala has practiced what a Tigris stuff. She practices it. There's a video of her doing talking about, here's my, can I read her bio a little bit? Of course. Um, on it's KamalaDevi.com Kamala Debbie is an artist, a mother and a lover. I love that shit already.

Don't you love it when people put that shit in their bio like, I'm just thinking of like the kid right now when I see the bio shot, see, so can you describe her bio shot? Do you, do you have it up? Yeah. Um, she's topless, but she has like a feather draped over her breasts and another arm raised up with her hand touching her head. So one arm is like raised up. It's a very enticing, um, but it's also like a sticky pose.

Like it's very kind of, you know, yeah. So she's married to the D bag that we make fun of with his hair as long here. So she, I can see that I can see how that'd be a problem for you. Yeah. She's written books called don't drink the punch, the sacred slut sutras and co-author of sacred sexual healing. Here's my favorite though. Kamala Debbie is the founder of San Diego Tantra theater and Polly Palooza.

Did you get that Polly Palooza? Yeah. Yeah. She's currently co-authoring 52 Fridays with my bitch and the pleasure Bible. Wow. Yeah. You do think of her kid like, oh, oh, look, he's here. He's hot.

He's on the website. Yep. I just saw him. That's cool. Right. I just read 25 things. I didn't know about Michael McClure. That's him.

That's the name. That's the guy. Yeah. That's her primary. Yeah. You know, you have your primary and then you have others. This is kind of big. I'm going to fluid bond with Jesse.

And that would be Jennifer. Jennifer. Jennifer, he's a tall. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, they put... Oh, no. What?

They put their kid on the site. That's what I said. Yeah. I know. That's... Oh, man. Yeah. It's kind of not cool.

There's tons of pictures of them with her polyamorous family on her website and she, you know, talks about the show a little bit. Apparently they've made the circuit. She's been on like the Tyra Banks show and other, you know, late, like nighttime shows about polyamorous. She's like the official spokesperson for it. Pretty interesting, huh? Why are you putting your kid on the site?

Why? Here's a photograph of her nude reading her own book. It's kind of neat. Coaching. How do you get... How do you get this hypersexual, you know? Why do you have to throw it out there so much? I don't know.

Which video did you like from the site? What did you want to play? Oh. It's actually the White... Her White Tiger's video. Oh, it's not on the site though, right? No. It's not a different document.

It's September 20th document. Oh, okay. Let's see. But it's weird because it's like theatrical. Uh-huh. It's called White Tiger's Come All On. Put it there. Yeah, okay.

She's like doing a monologue or something weird about White Tiger's. Yeah, and it's not the same. Mmm, soothing sounds of a sitar. Well, that's because this is a performance. Didn't you read that? Oh, because it's like a performance. Yeah. But I thought she was trying to...

I don't do counseling. I don't even call myself a healer. If you can get over the idea that I'm a sex and intimacy coach, then meet me like a woman. I look forward to meeting you like a man. What I do is provide an incredibly intense experience of love. See, is it real or is she want to... Is it a fake monologue?

This is a theater. Oh, okay. She's acting right here. I couldn't tell because it sounds like she's giving her Tony Robbins speech. Yeah, yeah, it says this video is a preview from the Sacred Slut Show inspired by Kamala Devi's interview with Amara Charles. The White Tiger's teachings were developed within the Chinese consort and female Taoist cultures,

later spreading into the traditions of the Japanese geishas and all that good stuff. I mean, I am the king of improv for you, my saying so. I bet he does that, too. He definitely knows the White Tiger. Do you imagine the love-making? I don't know if I've talked to other... That he would do to you?

Steven Seagal? Oh, man. Intense. And I bet he knows all the White Tiger's practices. It's tantra. I look forward to it. Until then. Well, if you're as good at sex as you are at acting,

I'm all good. Thanks. Do you think Steven Seagal would be, like, tantric and sensual oils and stuff? I don't know. I mean, I think he has probably different modes. I think when he's like that, it's really good. I think when there's candles lit and he's just like, I like to make you wait for it.

Ew. I think he's like lots of softpats. Ew. I hate guys like that. Like, I'm going to... We're going to do, like, a hundred candle bubble bath. Yeah, yeah. I hate guys like that.

I think he's like, I'm going to whisper. I think most guys are probably all about the clit. I'm going to lick the labia for a while. Okay, okay. All right. But then I think sometimes he just goes pound town. Sure.

I think sometimes he's too drunk. I think he drinks a lot. He's bloated as shit. He's so enormous right now. He's so fat. Yeah, he's so fat. And it's booze. And he's also burping in everything that I see him in now.

Every interview, he's like, you know when you just ate and you're like, excuse me, he does that in everything that I play. I never talk about it. But he's always burping like he just ate. So do you think it's overeating or it's drinking and like overeating? I think he's eating a lot. It's gout. I think he's eating a lot.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm just, it's delicious. The most ridiculous human being. I think it's a lot of like, Hey Steve, you want another burger? He's like, We got all these fries.

You want some fries? Is he married? Yes. Oh, he is. Okay. He's been married before he's married a few times. Yeah. I don't think the Buddha nature is to marry many times,

but he has been married a couple of times. Yeah. He's definitely married. Never know. Buddha. Buddha nature. The Buddha. Should we get into this?

So by the way, we just wanted to point out that Kamala Devi is not the white tigeress that we've played on the show. And you're almost like gagging on it. And when I first heard about this technique, that's not right? No, it's not Kamala. Someone had written in saying that she's the white tigeress

and we got really excited. But upon further investigation, she just made that video talking about practicing the white tigeress, but not the woman we played before now. I want to talk about the white tigeress. Yeah. This is the lady here. I want to talk a little bit about the white tigeress practices.

Yeah, that's not her. This is a lady named Jaya. Jaya? Yes. I practice as a white tigeress for about a year. Okay. It is a brunette white girl. Yeah.

Why'd she give it up after a year, I wonder. And there's a lot to the practice. So refreshing. How the practices may look on the outside, but what's really happening internally, and I can speak from my own experience. So when I first saw the oral sex practices and read about the white tigeress,

I was very intrigued because of the idea of gaining spiritual enlightenment through them. Sure. And I thought the idea of rejuvenating. And this is definitely the kind of shit you want to learn, guys, if you want to get a girl to blow you that doesn't know you well,

is talk about the enlightening. Spiritual. The spiritual side of it. Yeah. And then you can be grinding the penis into the mouth and how refreshing it is to have that semen on their face. Yeah.

And you can be like, oh, I feel so connected to you, and you've got to learn to talk like this. I really wish there was a female version of that that I could force men to... Yeah, you can. Put their head in my face, their head in my crotch all the time.

Do you think you need a spiel for that? You think you need to talk someone into that? Really? Because that's just, hey, here's my clam. You don't have to give a speech. The clam, tigeress. Yeah, guys have to come up with shit to say.

The clam. This is a man convinced a woman of this. Like, no, you're a white tigeress. Yeah, but the brothers don't like to go down. That's a rumor. So how am I going to date? What is with your obsession right now? With the brothers?

Yeah. Why are you obsessed with that? Why is this a new obsession of yours? It's not new, Tom. The brothers. It's been there. But you're just talking about it now. It's like what's coming around right now.

It's not... Because you're getting hit on so much? Yeah, because I'm getting a lot of attention from that community because of my fault. Tell me some stories. What's going on? I mean, Sparklet's guy was kind of into me too. Yeah.

I mean, delivery guy from Bye Bye Baby was kind of into me. Cry, motherfucker. Yeah. So what do you say? I'm just getting a lot of attention from the African-American community right now. It's not my fault. Damn! I did not say that.

What? I did not say that. No, I didn't say you said that. Nobody said that word. Those big words. I didn't say... I didn't say that. I'm saying I'm playing...

I'm just playing random clips. Okay. What? Yeah. Yeah. What kind of women hit on you though? Seriously. Look at that.

That's all I don't even want to let my nuts out. Yeah. Who likes you? Older ladies? Who likes me? You're just like models, like, I don't know, like 18 to 22. Yeah. A lot of runway models and stuff like that.

Yeah. Regular stuff. No, I get, you know, ladies in sensible clothes and stuff. Like, you seem like a good man. Nobody says that. I don't get hit on. I don't get hit on. I don't get hit on.

That's not true. I don't get hit on. On the road? Guys, sometimes like... Guys. Guys that look like me, like bears, will be like, what's up? Like, they hit on me. Yeah.

Yeah, they were like, excellent show tonight, man. All right, thanks. You don't think they just want to bro down with you? Yeah. The road beef, it's, you know, it's pretty infrequent. Like, I think most, like a lot of people, you know, they watch the show. I reference you, most women like are like super respectful of that. So they go like...

Well, yeah. I'll say like, you know, I'm gonna talk about having a kid. So they're like, they're not like the black dudes who are like, what's up girl? Okay. They're like, hey, you know, congratulations. They'll say congratulations. Yeah. Like, that's not how it works.

You know, every now and again, there's a real fucking, you know... Pig. That'll be like, hey, like what are you doing afterwards? And, you know, just... And you're like, here's my number. Yeah. I just shut her mouth real quick. Okay, dope.

It's not like... Hold on. Did they hear it? Did it register? What happened? You're still in it. Yeah. It's not good.

But most girls aren't pigs like that. No, no. No. Yeah. No. Yeah. The road beef is like, it's thinning out. You know, it's a real bummer.

Good. I like to hear that. It's a real bummer. I'm looking for this. I want to hear that. I want those real pigs to start coming out. Okay. Could you not put a call out for it?

Oh, sorry. Remember when we asked if people would like... Oh my God. Oh my God. I have an update for you. What? Something is going on in North Carolina. What?

Because the last time I was in North Carolina, I did that show in Asheville. Multiple women at that show came up and said, hey, by the way, I would lick your butthole. Remember that? You think it's a regional thing? It was Nashville and Asheville. It was that week. Yeah. I did Charlotte and Raleigh.

Five, six women came up and go, by the way, I would lick your butthole. Wow. Two of them were repeat. They were from the last time. Wow. So they came up again and said, I would totally lick your butthole. Wow. So you've got...

Those are two serious takers. Those girls, I think the fact that they came again and it hasn't been in the conversation, I think they were like, is it going to happen or not? They're really throwing it out there. They're really... And they both had... One had a husband, one had a fiance or boyfriend. Wow.

What a couple of pigs. Yeah. And both of the boyfriends or husbands smiled like, she would like to do that. Just so people who don't know this story, Tom and I put a call out to our audience. If anybody in the entire world listening was interested in licking my husband's butthole. And apparently there's two or three women in the South that are willing to... Yeah, I think it's five or six now. Okay.

So something really cool is happening in North Carolina. That's a word for it. Yeah. Something really admirable and something worth celebrating is happening in the great state of North Carolina. Oh, God. And it involves their mouths and my butthole. Oh, my God.

Yeah. Please. Yeah. I can't wait for that to happen. I'm getting my butt licked. It's not going to happen. Why won't it happen? What are you going to do?

Bollocks are cheating. What? What? Bollocks are cheating. It's something you don't even want to do. It's bot licking a cheat when you think about it. It's not really... No, it's fucking horrifying.

I mean, if someone licks your butthole, it's not really that... That's all they do? Is that really cheating? I don't know. I mean, I haven't... So it's a really good question to ponder. Here's what... Here's, I think, the real...

Thank you. Here's the longest short of it. If someone just licks your butthole, probably not. But is someone just going to lick your butthole? Well, that's the challenge. Maybe I should cover this on That's Deep Bro next week. Yeah. I mean...

Is that a boundary? I could see a lady being like, all right, I licked your butthole. And then she goes, oh, I see all these other treats hanging around. Other treats. How can I stop myself? But she can't. She can't stop herself. Have the treats, though, Tom.

Right. Which is what I'm saying. She has to stop. But can someone really stop? If they see all those treats right there, they see the chocolate in the vanilla. And the cookies and the cream. The strawberries. They see that delicious fruit, just right for the picking.

I don't think they could stop, you know. Yeah. I mean, they're having Chucky first, but I don't know if they could... The Napoleon? Yeah, they could have their vegetables next. The vanilla and strawberry. What do you think your asshole on a good day looks and smells like? I think it looks just like a standard asshole with more hair on it.

And then I think on a really, if I just got out of the shower... That's the other thing is like, where am I coming from, you know? I mean, it's got to be freshly washed. I would want it washed just for myself, for the other person. But, you know, I know right now it doesn't smell good. That's what I'm saying. And you just showered about two hours ago. Yeah.

When you were at the, quote, gym. Right. They kept telling my asshole. But... Yeah. You just showered and you're telling me that just two hours have gone by and it's gamey already. I think for a woman to have optimal butt-licking for you, it would really have to be done in the shower or just right out, fresh out.

So are we setting up a contest? No. How's my asshole now, huh? I'm just saying, if these women of the South, they're really, really contemplating it, you got to come up with some parameters here. I like that name as a band, like a group of women that are into me. It's called Women of the South. Yeah.

It's like my butt cheeks spread and they're all like... Yeah. Yeah. That's neat. That's really cool. So you think the only way for this to work would be basically for me to be in the shower. That's the only way. Because otherwise it would be just too horrendous?

Well, yeah. Yeah. Because you're sweaty and big and hairy, you know. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, nobody's ass is good right now. I know.

There's never a really, really a good time. But a winter ass. What about a winter ass for you? Internet pookoo. Let's say, what does January look like down there? It's going to be better than a summer ass. Yeah. Yeah.

Everybody's ass is gamey right now. That's true. It's September. It's hot as shit. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, were you a fan of butthole licks? I'm indifferent.

I wouldn't say I'm a huge fan or I'm opposed. Yeah. I'm just kind of indifferent. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Some people, that's their really, their ultimate. That's their ultimate. I'm saying doing it and receiving it, I believe.

Of course, yeah. Somebody really is into that right now. Rim jobs. Yeah. Are you getting, are you into getting rimmed? Huh? Huh? Like that rim?

Wow. That guy likes it for sure. Oh yeah, he sure does. I know what you're into. What am I into? All you niggas is blast. Okey-dokey. Thanks a lot.

Thanks for that. You're into very clearly, you know, you know what it is. Okay. With two gentlemen. Oh yeah. That's what I need to try before I get birth. Yeah. With two gentlemen.

I'm very pregnant right now. Oh my God. And he's too. So gross. Gentleman will help me induce. Thank you. Can we play the team on the clip, please? Yeah, sure.

Yeah. Let's do it. Let's do it. All right. This is a great clip that came in. Oh my God. There's so many places to go. Ready?

Yeah. Here we go. So I am going to speak my thoughts on teen pregnancy. This is from a Facebook post that this woman put up. Is she a woman? How old is she? She's a girl and she looks pretty young. Yeah, I'd say she's 20 or something.

Her name is Nadezhda Rios. Yeah. So basically, I myself would not have a kid this young. She seems to be a teen. Just because, like, I can't even do my eyeliner equally. Yeah. That's a good reason. It's not a bad reason.

It's not great. So what makes me think I'll be able to take care of a kid? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I do know what you're saying. And I know what you mean. I'm saying as far as argument number one, not bad so far. No.

That's the first thing. The second thing is why would you ruin your pussy? Such young pussy. You could be a porn star. You could be a doctor. You could be a porn star. You could be what? I think a vegetarian.

Vegetarian? She probably wanted to say a veterinarian. Then she just went back to porn stars. Because I don't give a shit. Yeah. I got to fuck him out and do fucking shit. I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit.

Why would you ruin it? Like pushing out some random, like... It's not random. That's one thing she should. It's not random. Well, out of your pussy, like, no, you're gross. Another thing. But she is like, it's super sexy, right?

She has a good point is, like, why ruin your vagina when you could be a porn star? Because those girls have really good-looking vaginas, generally. Or a doctor. Or a doctor. But I don't know how... I guess there's kind of a disconnect. Because she's saying if you ruined your... You could have been a doctor, but you ruined your pussy.

I think she meant maybe having a kid took you away from all the schooling. I think she's right, yes. Your pussy's not getting ruined, and that's not why you're not having... She didn't explain her argument clearly. I think you're right. I think you're right. But you get what she's saying. We've had to put it together, but yes.

It's like, I hate it when people, like, have kids, and then two seconds later they'll be like, oh my god, I love my child, and like posting videos of them with it or something. Yeah, I agree with that. They'll be like, no, like, you're such a hypocrite. You just met that thing, like, two minutes ago. Like, it does not even know how to say your name. It does not talk. But for all you know, it could be a psycho serial killer, and you're saying you love

it and you're going to be committed? No. No, that's not how it works. You shouldn't be committed to the kid early on. You should get to know the kid, and then if you like it, care about it. I got to say, that's also a good argument. I agree. I mean, like, maybe you can love it, love it like the way that she's saying, what, 12,

13 years? You have to get to know it first. To get to know something. Maybe five, like seven years. Seven years before you give love to your child. For the kid. Yeah. So that's also another good argument.

Yeah. You don't know who that is. That could be Osama been loving for all you know. Truth, truth. And then on top of that, all these teen moms and stuff that be like, oh my god, I got a gift from God. So fuck you. I got my diploma and I'm in college.

And all because my kid gave me inspiration to do this. Like, wow, that must be a very smart kid if he is like a newborn and telling you to graduate something you already know what to do. Like, and then saying it's like a gift from God, like, hi, I'm God. You know what today? I think I'm actually going to like give you a random baby. Like I'm not even, you don't even need to. All these babies are random to her.

This girl is really smart. I like how she assumes a newborn is telling them to go get their advanced degrees. It's really good. Yep. Yep. Wow. Yeah. Any more goodness from her?

Sure. I have sex for it. I'm just giving it to you. Like shit. Wow. So you got to get from God. Like you did not even have sex. Like God just gave you this baby.

What? Good for you. Good for you. She's retarded. I just, I feel bad for all those ruined pussies. Me too. All those girls that could have been porn stars. They're doctors.

Or vegetarians. Or vegetarians. And now they can't because their pussies got ruined. This guy's got problems. They love their stupid babies so much. Somebody did not take care of her. Somebody didn't love her enough. Somebody did.

Something else in the air. Do you know what it is? Farts. No. We. Farts, farts, farts, farts. We. Farts, farts, farts.

Have a very special guest on the show today. We made, we played a video about that. The very famous Peter Cain from, very, you know, from our shows. We played it many times and many of you are familiar with Peter. He's a wonderful contributor. He's made countless videos. We learned today. Oh.

1600? 1600 videos. That's a. It's a lot. It's a lot of videos. Puts them up very regularly. Then he's giving advice. A long time ago I thought he was just a dog trainer.

But he's much more than that. And one particular video caught our attention more recently. I mean, he's well known for a great number of videos. But more recently he made a video. It caught our attention because it addressed an issue that we weren't even familiar with. And that issue, of course, would be people with pet ravens. I didn't know it was a thing. You didn't know it was a thing.

You know. Why would we? That's a crazy thing. Crazy thing. But Peter Cain addressed it. A lot of people. You just sound like Steven Zingal. I'm contacted by so many people that asked me about having a raven as a pet.

And I'm trying to scourge all of them. You want to have a bird that has a steak knife or a beak? Are you kidding me? Ravens, crows. Even a lot of the parrots, the gray parrots. A lot of these birds are really not appropriate for the first time bird owner. They're not. You're going to get bit.

And if you're going to get a bird, that's something that I want to say. Are you willing to get bit because it can hurt? And a bird like this? Are you kidding me? That's so crazy. He made this video. We played it. We really enjoyed talking about it.

And then Peter made another video. He addressed. He must make a fortune off of these YouTube videos. He made another raven video and then he made a video addressing us. Because we played that clip and we had fun with it. Figure out what Christina and Tom think is so funny about a video that I made. And the subject matter was don't get a pet raven or crow. Unless you understand, you know what you're getting into.

And it's very similar to videos that I make about dogs and cats saying the same thing. In realistic society. So he made a video about us making light of his raven video. So we did what was right and we got him on the phone today. He's very fired up though. Here's a call with Peter Kane everybody. Enjoy this. Peter Kane is on the line and apparently you have some things you want to say Peter.

Yeah, of course I do. The last time that I talked to you all, you all sort of rudely hung up the phone on me. You said something effective like I could ask my questions next time. Well, it's next time. I don't want to talk about the raven video. You made a raven video. Yeah, well we're not going to talk about that. I'm the guest.

And you know you can be nice to the guest. So let me ask my question. That's the only reason we're talking to you. Listen, you all made me for what you all made me what I am today. I'm the go-to guy for actors and rich people now like I have people shipping their dogs out here from Hollywood. And I got to talk to these people from Hollywood and your names are always coming up. So a few things that people have brought up and the first thing of it is it's the poo issue. What the hell? Every time I listen to your show.

Peter. Ask about the ravens. No, no, no, no, no. God damn you. No. What's with the raven video? No, no, no, no. Are you like Chuck Berry and Robert Canary?

Do you guys eat poo? Yes or no? We don't eat poo, Peter. We don't eat poo. We do talk about poo. We've never eaten poo. We've never eaten poo. Hang on, what about the time Christina gave you the rimmer in the car?

Peter. No, your return. You must have tasted some poo. Peter. Why are you making videos about is there a raven problem in Brooklyn we're unaware of? Yeah, we need to know what is going on with ravens. Are ravens in high demand? Are people actually...

I'll tell you what's in high demand is placenta. Christina, are you going to eat your placenta? Yes or no? Oh boy. He's going to eat it. Tell him he can eat it. Yeah, this is really... I'm going to let your dog...

I'm going to let your raven eat it. No, I wouldn't let my raven near your placenta. Are you going to dry it out and eat it? I'm not making that up. Peter, relax. Are you going to do it? What are you feeding this raven? Are you feeding it like a baby bird?

Do you regurgitate food into its mouth? How is your raven so well trained? Hang on. What about Tom? Tom, you know that you've got some big milk filled jugs coming up. Okay. If you start lactating, are you going to make some cheese or yogurt out of that milk? Probably both.

Yeah. Probably both. I hope that raven pessimizes. It tastes like honey. Okay. It tastes like honey. There we go. So now that we've got all your stuff, can we talk some animal stuff?

No, I'm not done. Ask the question. What do you want to talk about the raven for? You made a video and it brought to our... Yeah. And you guys made a joke out of it. You made a joke out of it. It was an educational video telling people that if you want to get a raven or a Corvid

or Crow that you should think twice because I do the same videos about dogs. I know. Warning people about, you know, it takes a lot. It takes a lot. It takes a lot to have a dog. Any type of pet. Is that a zero? You make some joke about it.

Like who in the right mind would get a raven? Come on. To be perfectly honest here, this is a fact, it goes dogs, cats, dogs, cats, birds, and then horses. But not ravens. Yeah, but what I was trying to ask you, Peter, what I'm trying to ask you is what your video brought to our attention is we had no idea that people anywhere were actively getting ravens.

Like, I've never heard... You're so full of it. You guys are all about training conflict. You know what, and I know what, and you probably woke up and you probably said, what are we going to do today? Crazy. Let's talk about Obi-Wan Kanoli and how great he is, and then we'll talk about Kane and Trent. It's a moth.

Wait a minute. Come on. You're mad at Obi-Wan Kanoli? No, I think he's awesome. I think he's awesome. Right? But it was like, let's bring back somebody that we haven't had on the show before. Let's bring back Kane.

The way that we'll bring Kane back is like, it's in a moth. We didn't... That's what you do. No. No, it's not a chick. Dude, we... God, you're so fired up. So he had his coffee today.

We just... Oh, I'm furious. I'm furious. We had no idea that a single... You're the first person I've ever heard mentioned owning a raven, and then you're the first person I've ever seen with a raven in a room. Raven videos, out of all my videos on YouTube, which is 1600, I have 1600 videos, the ones that generate the most money, the most revenue, are the ones with Sam Delavan and Booby

Micro. It's a fact. Booby the Crew? They're the most popular... It's my most popular bird. There's a lot of people that are interested in having ravens and crows. I see that. Think about it like this.

They're about $2,000 or $3,000. It's about as common as any other $2,000 or $3,000 bird. A lot of people own them. How many own them? I don't know, but I would suspect that in the United States, there's probably 100,000 corvids in captivity, and you know what, that are treated like pets, that are pets. These are birds that are from Africa, they're species from Africa, they're not... My bird is not indigenous to the United States, and people have them as pets.

It's not that unusual. The reason why you think it's so unusual is because you don't see them. One, because corvids, since we have West Nile virus, that's deadly to all crows and ravens. The only time that I took my corvids out is in the wintertime, and during the summer when I'm going from my studio in Brooklyn to my house in the country, man, I take them right to the car and then he goes right back in the house when I get up there. You don't see birds, companion birds, because people leave them at home.

I hear you, but... Hey, Blondie. By the way, Blondie. Blondie. No, no, no, no. This is Blondie. House in the country. You guys, if you think it's cruel, it's no more cruel keeping that than keeping your

dog. It's like you make this comparison like, oh, they can't fly. My birds fly. No, they don't. Where do they fly, Peter, in your apartment? That's where they fly. Where are they flying? They fly my apartment, but they also can go outside.

Do you hear what I just said? You take them to the bird park? You take them to the bird park when we do the dogs? My pigeon walks down the street on my shoulder. It can fly away if it wants to. It doesn't. It's just like a dog. It wants to.

Believe me, it wants to. Let it go. Okay. You're cruel for not letting people run in the woods and kill a sheep or something. That's the analogy that you're making. I can't have it. No, you think it's funny. It's not.

It's the same thing. Okay. I can't fire it up today. It's ridiculous. They make great pets, but you should know what you're getting at. Well, okay. We're learning stuff. Honestly, it is educational because I really had no idea that it was a popular bird or

that anybody was trying to get a raven or crow. We're making a vegetation. Tom, hang on here. Are you guys doing it still? Are you doing it? All right. Ask him about peanut butter. Here's what we really want to talk about.

Justin Silver. Justin Silver, you made a new video. You know all that guy? Well, I don't know him personally, but we're big fans, and I know that- Oh, you're big fans of Justin Silver? Well, I mean, I think he's the primo dog trainer, him and Caesar. Caesar first. Hey, fuck you.

I know what you're doing. No, you think I'm a fucking idiot? No, I'm not doing anything. Caesar Milan's number one. Caesar's number one. He's a primo dog trainer. There's nobody in the world that thinks he's a primo dog trainer on his YouTube channel. He's got 278 subscribers.

Wow. You really stalked that guy. He doesn't have any subscribers. Okay. He doesn't say anything. It's all fluff. No, listen. Tom, listen.

Are you guys still doing it? Have you done it with a woman? Yeah. Have you? When's the last time you hit an oboe again? Can your ravens beak help you get off? Can you have love with your raven? Yeah, beefyality.

What about a human woman? Yeah, what is your sex life like? You already know about ours. Are you seeing somebody? I've been getting some action here and there, but I'm not dating anybody in particular. But what type of lunatic? There's a lot of long distance stuff. There's a lot of women that contact me on the internet.

Oh, really? I've had some local stuff. I've gotten some nabba recently that was pretty good. Some nabba? Not real old, about 40. Not real old. Right? You know what I'm saying?

Are these like people with birds in their hair, animal people, or what are they like? Well, I've got done some clients, sure. Is that what you're talking about? Yeah, I think you have that. I explain the dog and then I get a nabba from the owner. A nabba? Who's nabba? Yeah, I know what a nabba is.

I'm not going to be getting any very soon. No more nabbers for Tommy. I don't know why there's no more nabbers. It's not going to happen, Tom. Well, maybe I need to get into animal training. No, hang on here. Maybe he's making his crows spy on us. Here we go, another sexual question.

Terrifying. Christina, hang on. Does it ever bother you when you see these pictures of Tom after the show and he's standing next to some 20-year-old girl standing next to him looking up at big dream boat Tom? You know, he's getting offered nabbers constantly. I know, I know. It doesn't bother you. What happens on the road stays on the road, Peter.

It's called road, babe, dude. Yeah, get with it. It doesn't count. You're still full of shit, Tom. You're so whipped and you know it's true. The only way that you would ever... He's so jealous. The only way that you would ever, ever even consider cheating on Christina would be...

Like a woman with a raven. If what? Oh, if the nabbers stop. Raven. I would say if it was a raven owner, I would sleep with a raven owner. Peter, I gave my dog peanut butter today. Oh, by the way, Tom, this is something that I heard. It was a rumor in Hollywood.

A rumor in Hollywood. Yes, this is from somebody. Yes, it works in Hollywood. Okay. They said this is a true... Is it Janitor? Tom is like James Woods, Uncle Milti, Mo Howard. You got a big old slongus.

Now, everybody sort of knows that, but people are talking about this. The next question for Peter, this is getting... Before you met Christina, you had thousands of women. I'm exhausted. Are you tired? You were also with some guys, but you did not have sex with them. You just cuddled. That's true.

All that is true. Yeah, that's what I thought. Peter. They listened to Christina in the background. All right, that's enough. I can hear what you're saying. Hang up on things. Hang up on things.

God, I have so much fun. I need to take a nap after hearing that. Peter, he got so fired up today. Is that the end of the call? No, it's still a little bit more. Yeah, I like where we go after this. It's pretty ridiculous. Seriously, what about the placenta?

Jesus Christ. Of course. I'm going to invite you over. You're going to eat it with your raven. No, you're not giving me a serious answer. I want to know something for real. I want to know something for real. When you leave your house...

I want to know this for real. Because I know you love your animals. You have a lot of animals. And you have obviously your papers and your artwork. The raven is left out like you would leave out a cat. Okay. But how long... I'm being totally serious.

How long can you leave the house comfortably? As dog owners, we have these little dogs. It bothers me if it's any longer than two hours that I'm away from the animals. Really? It does. At four hours, I'm freaking out. I cannot imagine going on a trip.

I'm fucked up. It's like in my pigeon. I have a very unhealthy relationship with this pigeon. It loves me. It thinks I'm it's made. It sleeps on my bed and shit. It's a very affectionate, nice animal. She's very sweet.

Wait, how do you turn this shit? If I walk into the room... If I walk into the room and I don't see Remy... I start freaking out. Where's Remy? Where's Remy? Like something happened to her. Can you go...

She's the same way. Can you go on a trip by the way though? Have you even been or do you have any interest on... Can you take a trip if you want to? Listen, I got a new car. I got a Honda Odyssey, which is great. So I can load up all the dogs. Like my dogs, the dogs, I'm training the birds, everything.

And my idea of going on a trip honestly is going to my house in the finger legs. That's what I like to do. So I go up there and go hunting and I train the dogs. That's my idea of a vacation. That's awesome. You know, I can't imagine, you know, like I'm working with some people in Australia doing some stuff, like some radio stuff. And they've talked about like in the future, maybe coming down there and doing some stuff

in Australia. And I have to figure out a way to be able to do that and feel comfortable doing that. Like when I did Ta Show, I had to have a friend of mine that's a dog trainer come over here and stay with the animals. Oh, I understand that. Yeah. When you... Can you train a pigeon?

Like pigeons are famous for shitting everywhere. Does your pigeon just shit everywhere or no? Okay. Here's the deal with birds. They sort of shit where they roost. Okay. So if Remy is sleeping on the bed, what she does is she has to go to the bathroom. She always sleeps on the bed, like right by my face.

She's an awesome, awesome pet. Yeah. If she has to go to the bathroom, she either leads the bed or she goes over to the side of the bed, like it's her nap and dumps off the bed. I got you. And is there a woman that would like that? No. Yeah.

And the Ravens sort of the same way. They sort of shit where they are. So like if I'm over by the computer and Sam's right by me right now, he's on the back of a chair. He's going to shit right down there. So it's either easy to clean up or you could put paper down. So don't the dogs clean it up? Don't the dogs just lick it up?

No. No, no, no, no. I wouldn't allow that. I don't want them doing that. But that, you know, you're probably getting less nobbers than you could be. You guys are into the feces. It's strange that you would bring that up. Well, I think you're getting less, you're getting less nobbers than you would be getting

if you didn't have birds shitting all over the ground. No, it's a great excuse. No, no. I go over and buy his head too. And then it's a great reason for me to get the fuck out of there that I have to go home and deal with Michael. Oh, that's true. You know, I get the fuck out.

Does your Honda Odyssey have room for all your hoarding stuff, like all your papers? No, you're such a fucking answer. Someone said that the other day was probably one of your friends went on that hoarding thing. Man, that's what I'm talking about. Before you know that that was an art studio. I know. Come on, man. What about your country house?

How do you bring all your stuff there? What do you mean? I got a barn that's full of hoarding stuff. I bet you do. No, it is. There's a video on YouTube, but it's all art and furniture. It's all collectible. There's no paper plates in there.

There's no false strings. What kind of collectibles? What do you mean stuff? It's like Eastlake furniture and art. What are you collecting? I'm not a hoarder. I don't have the disorder. I know.

Sorry. I'm sorry to disappoint you. I don't have it, Blondie. I believe you, Blondie. Hey, look. Thank you, Thomas. I'm glad you did that. Let's plug your YouTube page.

It's Peter Kane, dog training. Kane is C-A-I-N-E. Of course, most of our listeners are familiar with you, but for new listeners, go check out Peter Kane's dog training YouTube page. He is after Cesar Milan and Justin Silver, one of the leading dog trainers out there. And Patricia still will.

Justin Silver is a joke. He's a joke. How did he get a show on TV? I don't know. I don't know either. I really don't. I don't know. Seven episodes they gave him.

I don't know. No, Peter's our favorite. He contacted me on Facebook. He was trying to kill me with kindness. That doesn't work with me. It does not fucking work. I believe that. We already know that.

Well, thank you, Thomas. Yeah, I'm sure. Hey, hey, Tom. We gotta go. We gotta go. Our listeners, how's the screen's jokes looking? All right. Thanks, Peter.

Thanks, Peter. Good talking to you, buddy. Jesus Christ. He's so fucking fired up. So fired up. Oh, he wanted to. He wanted to make sure that he hung up, right? One thing.

One thing. Don't hang up. What? Have you ever heard this before? Wow. He hung up. All right. There you go.

So rude. There you go. Peter Cain's super fired up. And I do wonder, do you think the ladies do like it when his sweet pigeon takes a shit right next to the bed? Well, they're always blowing them. You know, he's talking about all these novices getting. So I don't know.

He's got. How much shit is on his floor? Do you think it's a cat? How on top of it is he of that? You know, there's dogs licking that up or it's just drawing there. I bet I bet it looks like it looks like a midtown sidewalk. You know, it's just covered in fucking bird shit. Of course.

I wonder how many animals he has total. I'm curious to know what the number is between the birds and the dogs. No, it's probably like 30, you know. He have. Does he? I don't know. He might have cats. He might.

Should I blame him? You don't want to leave for two hours. That whole place could fall apart. Oh my God. Animals could torture and eat each other. Yeah. It could be a lot. He's got a whole zoo in there.

He's got a lot. What was I should in the background? Did you hear those animals? There was. You said is there a zebra? It sounded like a. Yeah. Like some wild animals back there.

Yeah. Look, we got to get going. Jeans. Okay. When are we going to have for dinner? What do you think? We got to figure it out. Ribs.

Okay. Before I go, I have to tell the audience what I did. I made homemade Western bacon cheeseburgers. Oh yeah. Instead of getting them from Carl's Jr. Yeah. I've got Tony Roma's barbecue sauce. I make the patty at home and I make onion rings at home and I do a turkey bacon.

It's so good. It's delicious. Yeah. Yeah. Not as disgusting as that frozen shit Carl's Jr. uses. I'm very excited. I'm very excited to make one for you this week. I can't wait.

I can't wait. Jeans. Thanks for listening. The next thing, oh by the way, we added a ton of clips to the Clips page on the site, yourmomshousepodcast.com. While you're there, please take a look at our store. We got a bunch of shirts. We got the mugs.

We got a full merchandise store you can support and then you can always support us by shopping through the Amazon link on our page. I forgot. Yourmomshousepodcast.com has the Amazon banner. You do your Amazon shopping through there. It helps support the show and of course check out those clips in our store and we hope to see most of you, many of you, Thursday in San Jose and Saturday in Pasadena for the live podcast.

On October 2nd, Hollywood Improv come see me on October 29th in Brea. There you go. Brea and Hollywood for Jeans. All right. Love you guys. Bye guys. I'm Peter Stain. I also make some art.

Dead baby elephant. I can say whatever I fucking want. I'm Peter Stain. The biggest pussy. I love the old hogs to old teeth. I'm Peter Stain. I also make some art. Dead baby elephant.

I can say whatever I fucking want. I'm Peter Stain. The biggest pussy. I love the old hogs to old teeth. I shit on myself. It's disgusting. It's gross. I don't want to wear diapers.

My brown. Say hello. I'm sad. My fucking head. Control my aggression. I ripped a woman's arm off. It refers to me as extension. You don't like art.

Man, what a dick. What the fuck does it matter with you dude? Like I give a fucking shit. I love being a racist. Fucking redneck intellectuals. Get the fuck out of here. I don't really care what your opinion is. Christina said mean stuff.

Like really mean stuff. I'm getting all emotional. Man, what the fuck? Oh my god. Jesus Christ. Sorry. Okay. Fuck.

No. Oh. What a emotional state. I love smoking crack. And Hennessy Swiggin. And I love the moms house podcast. Don't you get it? I'm jealous of season one.

Christina and Tom too. Jeans, jeans, jeans. I love, love you. I'm Peter Stain. I also make some art. Day to day be elephant. I can say whatever I fucking want. I'm Peter Stain.

The biggest pussy. I love the Ohog store. Tea. I'm Peter Stain. I also make some art. Day to day be elephant. I can say whatever I fucking want. I'm Peter Stain.

The biggest pussy. I love the Ohog store. Tea. I also make some art. I can say whatever I fucking want. I'm Peter Stain. The biggest pussy. I love the Ohog store.

Tea.