Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 311-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: September 30, 2015

If you feel something in your shorts and it feels like you should go to the bathroom, you probably should. Thankfully, we have audio of someone who didn't.  What about a Dad Jokes Only tour? Would you get tickets? Huh? C'mon, buddy! Multiple choice!! OKAY!!! Should a wipe ALWAYS be clean? We debate as ONE OF US believes that a little something on there is fine. I mean, why use paper AT ALL?!? Dental update: If you're old, be old. Teeth included. Veneers make you look INSANE.  Plus a Peter Caine update - he isn't happy with any of us. Is it because we don't own a Raven?

I have a song for you. I'd like to do that. I'd like to go to the bar In the kitchen listen in the time of Christina at the end of a rough day get a mug to drink get my nuts Shade if I'm lucky get it then a love date just great like the devil loves flames like the devil loves heavy metal women Who love snakes? This is just a thing to help your nerves and calm down. I live without bitch. Welcome to your mom's house These fresh fresh fresh welcome to your mom's house Welcome to your mom's house Your mom's house starring Christina Precious

And time Special parents fly top dog could actually happen to me or land on the airport watch And Joe double is there anything worse Your mom's house Your mom's house Oh Wow, what's happening there Tom, I don't know Well, I mean I look over at your Starbucks cup and whoever

Wrote the the order has a little crushy poo on you see that now It says Tom and there's a smiley face in the oh and then exclamation mark with a heart I don't know man flirting with that Starbucks barista. It was the older barista It was the one who's you know about 25 years older than me. So so what you're flirting now I get the postman and you get the Starbucks lady. I see how it is Yeah, I mean maybe if you I see how it is would turn it down a little bit with the postman I could you know I feel like I'm but babe his legs are so sexy. How can I not feel disrespected? You know, I mean how can I guys? It's fucking time. I'm going back to Kella Delphia this week. Oh, that's a neat one

Not farted out Delphia. Nope. It's one of my favorite clubs in the world helium I Have an update Saturday's sold out Friday night has about 40 tickets left to each show. I don't know if that'll change by the time you hear this. I think it will And then Thursday, so if you're listening to this the moment it comes out on Wednesday You might only have a chance for Thursday If you haven't already bought tickets, I'm so looking forward to coming. Thank you very much Philadelphia

Next week after that Minneapolis Acme one of the other great clubs in the country. That's not the name of the mommy apolis Acme comedy club eight nine ten Thursday Friday Saturday Please come see me in mommy.apolis and then I go on a crazy crazy run the following week Oklahoma City Houston Dallas Austin

San Antonio Jesus All one night only 16 17 18 19 20 of October Sad news for the people of Birmingham and for me, of course, I had to pull my Birmingham date and you know It is what it is, man. You know, I want to go roll tide with you or Eagle whatever you're a fan of me, too But I can no longer come it's a business thing, you know You guys didn't buy the tickets But I'm still doing Orlando Tampa and Ft. Lauderdale and here's the big announcement jeans. Yeah, I added Buffalo Once again in the helium chain Buffalo, New York

November 6 7th and 8th Then it's Then a big show in New York City at the Skirball Center November 13th, and then my final show of 2015 before New Year's is that the John Lyman Center for the Performing Arts in New Haven, Connecticut shows open to students and the public come that Fuck I keep saying it wrong dummy. That's a lot of shows for your jeans. So I Appreciate all you coming out to those shows jeans guys. I have some stuff coming up here in LA

October 2nd. That's this Friday. I'm at the Hollywood Improv I'm headlining that Friday 8 o'clock show come out and see me tickets are on my site thousand ranch comm Also October 7th. I've just booked Ari Shafir show. This is not happening for Comedy Central Come and see the live taping of this is not happening. We got Steve Simone that night Wayne Brady is also doing a spot and of course the fantastic Ari Shafir October 7 7 30 show Tickets for that are on my website thousand ranch comm October 29th the Brea Improv I'm headlining one night only there eight o'clock show also my website thousand ranch comm Wow Guys, I implore you follow us on Twitter Tom at Tom Segura

At Christina P to keep updated with the show Also, Amazon, thank you for shopping through our banner What that means is every time you want to shop on Amazon, which I hope you do Go to your mom's house podcast calm click on our banner at the bottom of the home page Just when I say banner, it's just like a square Just click on that square and it takes you to a portal to Amazon and just do your shopping as you normally would And it just kicks back some money to the show. So thanks for doing it if you already have Yeah, did you buy anything we're gonna buy a mini fridge on there?

Yeah, yeah, man, and with Amazon Prime you pay like a flat rate for shipping for the year like $75 And they ship it to your house the next day like I can buy a fridge and it just shows up. It's so rad Let's do this you ready James. Oh, yeah, let's go man. Here we go What happened there, of course, I say are we ready and then oh there we go. Okay, sorry Ready she's Don't bring anyone loving to this And Christina Yeah

Is your mouth open? Yeah, are you ready? I know that's a pretty good one, huh? There's That was like a clip that was sent in this morning It was so exciting that we just jumped on it right away right under the wire, huh? Yeah, I mean But it reeks of of your mom's house quality This is the kind of quality we expect from you guys and it's it's interesting I'm so proud of you Tommy because you're like a connoisseur of Pornography clips that are also funny, which a lot of guys aren't you know, but you are so guys just want to get off But I'm there for the laughs

What so what's this lady up to This morning she's sitting on a stool wearing shorts gene shorts, which is appropriate for the show little Daisy So sexy. Yeah, and then she's leaning forward on this tool. She's kind of cute. I mean her her face comes in and out Did you feel it She really milks the moment. I like the way she talks. She's kind of like she's making it sexy. Yeah, she's making it sexy Oh Oh

My nasty farty ass My gosh, she keeps smacking her actual hole her whole yeah She's got a nice ass. It's big Sitting on a wooden stool on a bar well, of course that amplifies the sound. Yeah, sounds like one of your farts And she has her back arched. It's very sexy ass is sitting right on the end of it. Yeah, it's it's I mean It's why I like Daisy Dukes like Oh Yeah

It's a nice video. Is everybody hard listening to this so far. I think so I think a lot of guys will agree that she has a nice voice. That's what's gonna turn them on right not so much the fart content That's what your dick against my farts. Yeah, I don't know if there's an actual Cameraman here because it's a static shot. I would prefer Wow Wow, that sounded like there's something behind Oh Yeah, it's getting meatier

Just when the king leaves our life a queen lands in our lap, right? It's like when God closes a window he opens another one because the fart smells so bad True. Yeah, I never thought of that and this you know This goes and this goes in a place. I didn't expect it to go. Huh? Should we fast forward a little bit? Yeah, I like to know what I'm so I'm on the edge of my seat here. We need to see what's gonna happen Something not so nice happen Why do we do this? This is our show Yeah, I think you're gonna have to

Oh She's getting nervous the morning Yeah God Yeah, it's it's a lot. It's a lot to start the show this way too. We usually build up this stuff We're starting at a 10. Yeah, it's got nowhere to go but down. Yeah That's where I was and then here's what happens Oh

God She just fully shit in those shorts and it pours out of the bottom On to her own floor Well, it's funny, it's not like a baby. Yeah That's not a fart and it kind of it like it falls out of her jeans shorts. It's just funny to watch it plop out You know, yeah, I kind of want to you know, since that happened this morning and we're right here. I Feel like I can say Man, I feel like I can acknowledge whoever what a neat opening clip. Thank you. Yeah, I

Don't it's so stupid that she's all oh, yeah, I'm gonna shit my pants So sexy Damn it. What are you looking for? I'm looking for who sent it because it's so magical It was sent this morning to us. So I feel like I can still Figure out who it was because it really was something, you know, I mean what you say was something neat That's a very exceptional clip. It's it looks like it's from at At to die alone That's funny. Yeah, Shuklar alone. Yeah, he sent it. Thank you a few hours ago. What a neat clip

Thank you for sending that in Yeah, and there was actually there's another one that was sent in which is the one that I sent you Oh, I showed you that one's a good one too. Yeah, but that's a little much on top of this, right? We should spread them out a little and also it's a kind of clip that doesn't read on her and on a listening show You'd have to kind of see it, right? Well, no, she had stuff. You can hear Well, don't let's not blow our wad on right. It's too much. It's too much. Yeah, so Anyways, what a neat way to start things off. Good morning. Good morning, everyone Oh my gosh

Yeah, so sexy. I'm farting Speaking of farts Last night, you had a couple big ones. Thank you last night, too I had that thing where you always feel like an asshole when this happens, but I Mean I always because I detest this this person if this person's like this all the time But when it's right, it's right and that was that we had bad service bad bad food delivered last night Well, and it's not just like it's like it was a fancy. We went to a nice place to celebrate We had a great show on Saturday in Pasadena. We sold out the ice house in Maine

Unbelievable. It was chaos and we should have by the way. Thank you to everybody that came Thank you guys first things first. I think we should address that the reason we weren't out there after the show Well, you know, you know, you're kind of like not feeling the greatest. Well, yeah, I'm now seven months pregnant It's hard to even Standing hurts sitting hurts everything doesn't feel great. So I'm tired and I apologize for not You know, I just I just know that it's not gonna happen It's better for me to kind of chill because I was so tired after that. Yeah But thank you guys for coming and thank you for the baby gifts you guys brought really really nice

We really do appreciate it all. Yeah, and I want to thank there was that really adorable couple that gave me They were in Charlotte and Charlotte. I don't know if we addressed this already. No, but they gave us a car all those bibs and everything Oh my gosh, I'm sorry. I don't have your name because one of the things that sucks now is that we have an office That's not at the house. We should do the show out of the house So things like that are at the house and then I don't have the card with me. That's why I can't remember name Yeah, sorry guys. Thank you for coming to that show. It was amazing and they just sent me the audio So I'm hope I'm hoping we can tag That audio on to next week's episode so you can hear a regular episode and then the bonus live episode. Yeah, it was

It was super fun. So anyways Jeans has been on the road a lot and we thought why not go Spend the night away from the house just one night, you know, and we went to a really nice restaurant And it was it was kind of it was like freakishly bad for this level of Tell we'll tell them what happened with your steak. Oh, that was so first of all very fucked It was weird how long like it wasn't jam-packed. No when we sat down the restaurant wasn't and this isn't Denny's by the way Right, it was a nice restaurant. Yeah, and the guy I hate when you get like ignored, you know Yeah, and then when he finally came back like 10 12 minutes left. He goes so you want something to drink

We're like, we'll get everything right now We'll do the full order. We've had a half hour to really take a look here So the first thing was like again, I feel like an asshole saying this but it just it makes me crazy on the menu they have they had like a fried a buttermilk Basted and fried calamari and I said, can you like grill these and he goes Oh, we can't put them on the grill because they're small. I was like, can you so like can you do them in a pan? He thinks you meant like a barbecue. Yeah, like a barbecue. Can you saute them in a pan?

He was sweet by the way. I was so sweet. Which made it worse. He was scared and you know, I think you know Can you saute them on a pan? He goes, yeah, I think I can do that I go, okay, and it comes with a a dipping sauce So he brings them out like 20 minutes later and they were steamed Like they're just steamed calamari rubbery No seasoning and then nothing to dip them in but there's no nothing to go with it. They're just steamed tires So I go dude. So I first of all, he's not there again. They're brought out and we just don't see him So when he finally comes around he's like, can I go this was supposed to come with a sauce, right?

Yeah I'll go get that It's never like I'll get that right away. It's like right more time Well, cuz here's the thing too is like you can eat anything if it has a great dipping sauce Yes, you can eat a tire if it's dipped in aioli. Yeah, let me fucking shoelaces Yeah, put them in that because we were ready to do that like whatever do well Just let's just dip this in some shit, but then he had me these gave me time to think about how bad it was What he gave me

So when he came back, I go, you know what man? It's cold now and I go and this wasn't saute. This is steamed Like it tastes it tastes terrible really and I've never had Cala smarty taste that bad shitty Like, you know, you go to Italian and they at least put some this motherfucker didn't like put garlic on it or a splash of salt He was like, oh, you want it that way fuck you and he steamed it and he just brought out bland our bitch Yeah, that's so weird. I go look. It's really I got Garbage I didn't say garbage to him. No, I just said I know I said it was terrible. I go. This is terrible

Is it a taste absolutely terrible? It's unedible. Yeah, and I go. I'm sorry Stands it back. Yeah, we're nice to him. We were mean to waiter by the very nice to him He's like, okay, no problem Next We each order a steak. We order different cuts. You know the filet. I like it petite filet. Yes. I have a big boy ribeye You get yours. I get mine. Yeah, how'd you order yours? Well? I actually ordered my medium. Yes, which is a little pink in the middle correct slight very like a little and It was actually really really rare in the middle to the point where I was afraid to eat it

So I didn't and I it was fucking cut around delicious. All right, but you like it that yeah, it was so delicious So mine's medium rare. I take a Couple bites and I'm like you're like, how is it and I'm like it's actually overcooked and you know I have I always have that thing to that guilt in that moment Where you go? Do I say something? You know when you like worse? No, but a lot of times you go You know what this isn't how I asked for it and you're hanging a lot of money

I know but I'm saying you go. I I say like I'm gonna eat it. You know, right? I do it a lot. I go this wasn't good, but I'm just gonna fucking eat it. Yeah, so at that moment Yeah, I've had a couple bites and you go. How is it? I go. I mean, it's overcooked and you go We'll send it back Like tell them do you want it? I mean you're buying it. Yeah And I had that moment of pause like what do I do and then I just go All right, so the guy comes by and actually another way to do something wrong. I go. Yeah, this is overcooked. I Think honestly, I think they switched our orders. I think he gave you my

Right and they switch I should have had your cut. I never thought of that Yeah, I think that's what happened because I didn't want mine that bloody for sure. So I go dude This time I go, you know, this is kind of crazy, right and at that point The manager comes and he goes, what's going on? I go. Well, I tell him the thing do the what? What's up with the calamari like I asked for it saute you steam it. It's like totally flavorless I have medium rare you bring it overcooked and he goes. We're gonna get you another one Great. So in the meantime, we sit there. We have a couple sides that are really great They bring out the new steak

It's crazy and he goes Can you just cut it half? Can you just cut it open so it looks like so I can see if it's to your satisfaction. I slice it open and It is a 100% Raw steak like the outside is Whatever chart yeah, and it's not like pink or red. It's bloody It's a completely red. Yes. It's like a steak you take out of the fridge. Yeah, he literally literally he seared the side I was like fuck you here. That's what it felt. It felt like he was saying. Oh, you thought that was

Overcooked. How's this for you? Yeah So at that point I go I go I started to laugh. I looked at the waiter. I go. Is this a joke? And he's like he doesn't know anything right. He's like I go bring that guy over here again Bring the waiter over here and he goes. Okay. I go Look at this and he goes is it he couldn't tell it because it's so dark in that See, yeah, and he looks and he's like that's completely unacceptable. I go. This is a fucking raw steak Yeah, and I never I've never seen that before in my years working in food service or eating steaks I had it happen to me one other time at a at a steakhouse also, and I think it was the same thing

I think it was a chef in the kitchen going you think that was what it was not to your satisfaction How's this if that's not medium rare? How's raw? Is that rare enough for you? Yeah, that's what it feels like Yeah, so he goes. Let me get you and I go. Let's call it a day because at that point I just feel like I'm Complaining but I'm not you know, I don't do this at every restaurant I don't have that in me where I send things back all the time. No, I just felt like that was a disastrous night out, but I feel guilty Sending things back and saying this isn't good. I know I feel badly doing it because you feel like you're a jerk and yeah

I feel like I'm that guy Complainer and everyone's gonna hate you. Yeah, of course, but I also feel like you you know, you should have some standards Well, yeah, if it's a it's if it's a nice place like I said, we didn't go to Denny's and get like or Sizzler Actually scissors scissors really good, but you know what I'm saying like we didn't go to some fun It wasn't a fucking 999 dinner. Yeah, they should have and that's that's when I feel like you're really Entitled to say something if you're paying for the cut of meat that you want you should have it cook the way you like it because you're You're paying for it This isn't so crazy a charity case, you know, you're not a homeless shelter

Well, don't don't feel bad jeans. I mean, you know That's the kind of place where you have to complain. You do like I said if we were somewhere else You gotta say something, you know, yeah I Think you got to say. Oh my god. Oh my god enough. I can't it's too loud in my ears Well, I'm glad you complain you got you got to say something you can't just sit on that jeans So anyways, we went to this this like hotel for a night and we were in the swimming pool. It's so hot man it's still so fucking hot Nellie and

And Tommy's we're facing each other Tom and I and there's a woman behind me in a bathing suit and he's like, oh my god I can see this I can see this woman's Boops, I can see like everything and then and then you go. I'm mad at you girl Because I know that there were people seeing those titties everybody's all day they were like everybody mad at that Don't like she didn't just have big tits no no no this woman had on a white Completely see through bikini top where not only could you see like, you know the erect nipple You could see the little the little like those what are the

Ariella you can see the pepperoni the pepperoni details though around the side I know you could see the the hue the color. I know she had brown pepperonis Yes, and then you could see the exact size the measurements Yeah, I mean she basically was like I'm holding my tits out everybody look at my tits us and The thing is is she was with two of her homegirls and they were talking about like business stuff And then I did the report and I'm gonna go to the meeting on Saturday And you're like you fucking piece of shit friends can't tell you that your nipples and your breast is showing that everybody can see them The whole fucking pool can see them you animal your friends suck dude

Yeah, fuck that Dude my friends would laugh at me so hard if they saw me but also kind of shame you a little right Yeah, you're supposed to shame your friends when they're if their pubes are sticking out of the bathing suit or or their Tits are hanging out. Come on. Look at your fucking tits. Oh, but you're fucking tits away That's so great. I love looking at other people's disgusting bodies, too. It makes me feel so much better about mine Great for that. Aren't they that's the bet is like all we do the whole time is just like take people apart And you just look for the guy that's the whole the whole game out of pool as you go like yeah Who looks worse than me? Of course it takes a while for me to find one

But when I do I feel great and then I realize that there's like eight other guys at the pool with their wives and look at me They're like aren't you glad I don't look like that guy and then the wife's like are you kidding me? That would be like you hate yourself Like if you look like that guy with that beard you would be fucking suicidal Oh my god, I know I'm taking care of myself Well, I like to look at the other pregnant ladies to make sure that I'm not the fattest one there I've been gained the most but also there was a guy there who looked like From the monster so look like a grandpa monster. Mm-hmm like a full vampire. That was a full vampire

Saw him in the locker room later. You did. Yeah, he was wearing his black speedo pale pale skin He was wearing like a headband to keep his gray hair back It's so weird and what is with that the thing he was doing that I saw a few times these people That put on a thick layer of sunblock on their face and don't rub it in yeah, why aren't you rubbing in rub it in yeah? They just leave the white. Yeah, look what fucking psycho you look like I Know it's not Halloween like what are you doing now? It looks like there's come all over your face Yeah, I mean that's delicious, but I'm saying that like you know why are you doing that look or just a nose when they put on Like it's so corny

So could be in such a dad and rub it in dad dad. That's what dad's do and you're fucking dad jokes It's so many dad jokes. I forgot to tell these dad jokes one guy You know At my show in San Jose. I was talking to audience people about like you know, it's weird shit and Some guy yelled out one of those you know those sex things that are like the angry dragon and all that yeah It's like one of the girl does this and you punch her in the head and then she comes out of her eyes I mean this stuff. Nobody actually does right. Yeah, so this guy yelled out one of those and I was like, all right

And Then I don't know he tried to yell something else. I go just fucking stop whatever you're doing stop it. So then In the picture line later This guy comes up to me and he he says something and his whole group kind of rolls their eyes I don't know. Fuck and he does that again. He's like you guys. He goes. I got jokes, too All right, man, so we line up for a picture and he's taking it. He goes He's like you got an iPhone and I go. Yeah, he goes. I got a why phone. Why did I ever get this thing? We all look at him like

He's like I got I got a bunch of them Because he he's comedian, too Yeah, yeah, you gotta tell me one of those some maze I had a I had a guy tell me a dad joke in the pool. Am I Jim last week when I was swimming What is it? So, you know, I do just like what do I do? What's my stroke? I don't even know breast stroke Yeah, that's just one like an old lady for 30 minutes and um this guy Who was walking in the pool, which is my favorite. Oh, yeah There's each lane is split up into two. So you're not real exercise. You mean, right?

I could come in and it's full, but he goes. Are you walking? I go am I walking in the pool? I go no, bro. I'm gonna swim Swimming he goes well, I'll be in this lane. You can do that way. I'm okay. So I'm swimming past him I'm doing my labs and he goes up. Oh, I you swim like a Hawaiian. I was like, uh-huh He was nice and quiet. So you don't wake up the sharks and I had to do that I Gotta dad jokes. Yeah, I gotta a white phone. Why did I get this thing? Okay

My favorite too is when your dad tells me blonde jokes. Oh, he loves yeah blonde jokes Yeah, like those are so out of style. That's generation. It's a generational thing those guys love that I told you I told you I told on the show on time that I went out to lunch with him and a friend of Oh, no 30 years older than my dad And he goes dad. Oh, it was dad to the dad teeth power and he didn't understand That I don't do those jokes on stage. He's like tell me one of your jokes And I go well, you know, and I try to just I go I don't really do like

You know like take my wife, please. Yeah, he goes. He goes. What do you do? I go, man, I do like man like stories and stuff and he goes Well, tell me one of those and I go they're not like Sit here and tell you and he was like, I don't understand what you're doing But he really didn't get it and then he goes there's a man And his wife is seeing a psychiatrist and the psychiatrist and he tells me this elaborate thing And it's all like a big one big misdirect for like one thing. Yeah, and he fucking luck But he was in his 80s, you know, so he really he fuck he he said it and at the time I was having lunch with him and my dad

he was like He Loved it. Mm-hmm. I think that's American dads because my dad's jokes are like he fucking hates those kinds He hates everything. My dad likes really dark like he'll tell you jokes about russians. Oh, right, nazis Uh black people like polish Racists like, you know most old generation. They love race jokes. Oh, it's all like a china man Walks into a bar. Let me say a chinese guy a china man This china man and his other his goop buddy are there and a jew says to him

Why are you guys here? Like that's how those guys like their jokes like melt and burl. Oh, yeah They love that shit. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, so the jew pal says That I I bet and then he drops a dollar. Yeah I can question Yeah, it's always like something where you're like, no, I got it Because they always play to like the the main thing, you know the main

The main oldest stereotype. Of course all those things women are dumb. We can't drive the jews are greedy Black people are lazy mexicans, what are mexicans illegals? Yeah That's a good time. There should just be dad comedians that cater to the dad audience. That's a fucking great idea We don't we have an alternate act just for dads Just for dads and we call it just for dads and we invite dads on the real dads Like, you know how dad david cow has blacks only. Yeah in african africa. Yeah, we should do dad's dad's only dad's only tour

And we just bring up like a truly tasteless joke book from the 80s and just read off like Stupid jokes Holy shit that would sell out Remember that joe I remember this from a truly tasteless. Why are jewish peoples noses so big? Because the air is free Okay Oh, yeah, that's a good one it's a good one Um, here we go

Well, what a call what what do polox called cheerios? What do polox call? Cheerios what donut seeds That's good. It's a dad joke. That's a dad joke. Yeah. Yeah Okay, um This is a blonde blonde mom joke. Okay My son always deletes the history on his laptop Oh boy, here we go. He's always thinking of ways to make it run faster smart boy

Oh, yeah What do you call a fat china man a chunk That's pretty that's good got it. Yep My my son's black friend always asks me if I can make it clap Of course I can I all I need is two hands That's but moms like that like the moms in our neighborhood would really dig that don't you think I like that Silly they don't like to be offended. So that's that's a really solid mom joke. Here's a here's a blonde mom joke Okay, my daughter is such a great tutor every boy in school is always leaving her room with a big smile

Okay, all right, because we're all so loose. I forgot that Blondes are horrors in there. No, it's a blonde mom. So the dumb mom doesn't understand. Okay, got you Yep, okay My husband is so thoughtful. I overheard him say he gave his secretary a cream pie That's actually That could get on your mom's house Okay multiple choice Well, thank you. That's a really nice joke jeans

Um, what did the black kid get for Christmas? My bike Oh, babe, what does it truly taste of jokes from the 80s? That's the kind of jokes my dad would tell me Jesus your dad tell you didn't tell you racist jokes from truly tasteless. No. No, that was Big words. It's my family We're just really inappropriate. Um speaking of big words You we got that audio From that, uh, remember that listener sent the email you want to oh, this is fantastic. Yeah, what do you have the email?

Yeah, hold on. Let me uh, let me pull that up. This is the this is so fucking amazing. So uh Columbus oh josh went from columbus writes in So a guy I work with was getting a bunch of calls From this telemarketer after a few calls. He went off on the guy and it resulted in these two voicemails From this amazingly angry mystery man that I want to now hang out with every day This is right in your wheelhouse your podcast rules. I hope you guys enjoy it. Yeah, I think It should make just so that it makes sense

to people It is I just want to make sure that people understand what they're hearing This is a What they're hearing is the act. This is the telemarketer. Right the guy that's calling you all the time like, hey, you know We have a great deal done zero percent back Uh credit card and there's no all and they call you. No, thank you and you hang up your phone This guy is calling our emailers boss at work

And the boss probably Chewed him out pretty heavily. Stop fucking calling this number Then the telemarketer called back and left This voicemail It's pretty crazy Are you motherfucker you should have done

You fuck your mom fuck your wife fuck your world friend You hear me Fuck your shit. Fuck it. Who are you? Fuck your dog You're fucking me guys What he says fuck your your wolf friend. I think he your world your world. I think your world. Yeah, it's really fired up Yeah Yep That's um, you have to big word on him. He did drop a big word on him, which I thought was unnecessary

um It's pretty crazy too that this guy is calling from work From his work to leave this. Yeah Don't don't deal with other people and the cubicles next to him and hear him being like fuck your mother Fuck you go from I think it's he sounds pretty quiet. You know, he's trying to do it on the gl Yeah, yeah, I don't know why I'm having trouble. Um I'll have to let me make let me make a note. Why don't you pause it for a second? It is paused. What do you mean? Why don't I pause it? Oh the recording? We're still rolling. Oh, no

No, I'm saying this this thing won't load into this other program. I have just remember this real quick. Okay 139 Okay Now I can do this this way. All right, so Now it's gonna load into another program where I can play this This it's um This guy Is out of his fucking mind. Yeah

Yeah, so and then not only did he leave that but He called back Then left the guy another voicemail Another voicemail. Yeah, okay. Well, you got you know, you're and you're fired up one's not gonna do the trick I Hello, mother fucker you fucking son of a gun My favorite part Is that he calls him a son of a gun? Yeah, which is clearly

Clearly this guy. I mean he's in english as a second language guy and he He knows bad bad words. So he knows motherfucker. He knows that fuck is a bad word He knows that dropping And an n bomb is like a taboo thing. So that's why I think he dropped that, you know and then I think he uh Mother fucker the only other term. He really knows is the son of a gun Son of a gun

It's supposed to be son of a bitch. Of course, but I just didn't know Fuck your mom fuck your wife fucking stinky asshole You're fucking stinky asshole. Oh, fuck you're fucking stinky asshole. I think that's amazing Yeah, so So not necessary big words to drop those But I do think it's just because it's all the offensive words. He knew yeah, he just threw them all If you're uh learning another language You learn the taboo words and you're here the one's like never say this to some every culture has

Don't ever say this because I'm gonna drop it a lot. He threw them all together. Fuck your mother. Fuck your wife You son of a gun and it's for uh For through a voicemail too. That's really incriminating especially because all all this guy has to do now The receiver of it is call his boss and be like, hey, do you recognize this guy's voice? Yeah, the guy with the accent. He told me to fuck my stinky asshole And he called me a son of a gun and he also dropped a big word on me and I don't appreciate it Why didn't you shit your pants if you got not one but two voicemails like that from a stranger? I do wonder just added. I'm just curious

how venomous was What he said to the telemarketer, right? What's the other side of the story? Yeah, yeah Because to to leave that that's rage. It's pure rage Uh, you were definitely You know, you were you were you were given a talking to I mean You don't just call someone a son of a gun for nothing You son of a gun your fucking son of a gun

Fuck your mom. Fuck your wife Fucking stinky asshole You're fucking stinky in this hole. Fuck your mom. Fuck your wife. Fuck your wife Stinky fucking stinky asshole You're fuck your stinky asshole is pretty funny too You don't and you don't like my ass like my ass Because you don't really hear native english speakers say stinky asshole It's you know what I'm saying like we know the top but you don't really your brain doesn't go there as a native english speaker

But as a foreign speaker you would throw those words together, which is why it's genius It's really quite a nice combination. It's a great thing to say to someone. How's your stinky asshole doing? Fuck your stinky asshole You know what maybe I'll fuck you in your stinky asshole later That's a new one new way of putting it. Yeah Fuck you fucking. Oh fuck me. How about fuck you in your stinky asshole? Kiss my pussy. Yep, and fuck you in your stinky asshole. It's a whole new world very very new Very exceptional ones inventive way

Yeah, two really neat ways To convey your information. Yeah, speaking of stinky assholes. I mean, I don't want to make we don't normally talk about these delicate topics, but Now we started to have a debate in the car and you told me to hold off Save it for the show. So we are we haven't talked about this Yeah, I did I did tell you to save for the show because I could hear where you were going and it was absurd Hold on a second. Remember we were talking about this. We were talking about texts from people

Yes, too many too much information. I got a text this morning. Do you know the time the text came in? No 735 Yep, I'm up and texting. Um, it says what are you going to be home the next few days? I'm sending you something and then a few hours later Three question four question marks. Hello And I go, hello, I am leaving Thursday morning And good. Hopefully blah blah blah. Why did you not text me back earlier? I knew I knew it I knew who that was just by the tone. Of course how do you

It's so I have a family member Who last week my phone kept buzzing and lighting up and it was I'm not even exaggerating 10 separate message chunks each Each one with a different question I'm like motherfucker. How am I supposed to you want me to text back 10? Answers and then they're just going to ask you more questions to follow up on your answers like dude Where I mean we the key is to just answer one of those I just wrote back. I wasn't awake So we'll see where that leads to because that's going to go somewhere else

Don't even justify it. You got to just answer one of the 20 questions and then get on with your life Because these people have no sense. You know I'm saying you got no sense You ain't got you got you got a call. You know I'm saying some other preachers ain't shit. Oh my god, that's coming up But you know what I'm saying Yeah, yeah, it's gonna be great. I mean No, no, we're let's talk about this. So, okay. So let's well, let's start with the genesis of this debate I'm not sure how it started. So let's walk us through it through it. Well, I I got in the car and I said to you, you know

I feel like I've had a pretty Gamey asshole the last couple days or lately like No, no wait, you said yeah, my assholes gave me even though I took a shower Yeah, I feel like I still got it white for something. Okay. So then I asked you a follow-up question You said how was You know, how was your brown today? And I said it was fine. It was normal. Okay, but you so here's it But here goes you made a brown and then you showered after the brown. Am I right? Yeah, okay, and then I said, well, how was the cleanup from that brown?

Well, right. But first you said was the brown fine. Yes. How was it? How was the cleanup and I go normal and you go, was there anything on the paper? And I go, well, yeah And then you go, oh see, well, that's and I go wait, what? You go, well, that's not good And I go, no, no, there wasn't like I didn't say it was Horrific, I just said you just said it was there anything on the paper and you go. Yeah Like there shouldn't be anything on the paper and I'm like, well, what do you wait?

What do you mean? And you go, well, when I go There's nothing on the paper. I'm like, what? There's nothing here's my here's what I'm trying to tell you is that Lately I've been having such clean movements. They've been so perfect that when I go to wipe There's nothing on the paper ever on any of them clean. No, no, no, not ever at the ice house I did have a running one and that was the first time in a long time That I wanted to shower after because I do go shit to shower. I'm not I'm not Going back on that

I'm just saying like there's shit to shower times and that's because the wiping would never end because it's brown on the paper But my movements have been so complete and healthy that there's nothing on the paper and to me that's a perfect day What do you mean? You mean to tell me that there's never a time when you wipe and there's nothing on the yeah ghost shits They're called but that they're not like They're not every day and they're not considered the standard that like you go and there's nothing there And you made it sound like yeah, that's the normal standard. I think that's the healthier option I think that if you're making Is it a four or fives?

Those are the good ones three's and four's Sorry, yeah, if you're if you if it's a swoosh like Oprah says Then it's a clean break and there's no brown on the paper I don't know man. A little brown is definitely not a problem. I think I think it's an it like it's an indicator that you're the stool Is too loose It's too mushy that that could be I mean for me It's not healthy standard. It looks like it's not good. I reached into a pool of mud and

It just rained earlier and that's kind of like the normal first wipe for me You know They My how do you say back to You know, it shouldn't be it shouldn't be like that kim and wipes clean I wipe clean most. I mean just the pregnancy is made of clean Okay, so when you're not you think you're gonna go back to just always clean. I don't think so I think here's the thing before I was pregnant

I would alternate between a clean wipe And shit to shower wipes and the reason I would go into the showers because of the exact phenomenon You're discussing right now today Which is I wiped I wiped I wiped and the wipes keep coming and there's never an end to the wipes But you're telling me that you showered and now you still know if you were to wipe would there be brown on the paper now? Would there be brown on the paper right now? I don't know. I don't Sometimes you feel like uh and you go check and you're fine, you know and sometimes you go and you're like But usually like

Now because I took I took a shower it would probably I'm think I'm fine I'm saying sometimes you're out in the world And you take a dump and you clean up and then like it's hot out And like an hour later you're like my ass itches and you go and you wipe and there's brown. There's chocolate. Yeah Yeah I think today it's hot it's just hot your ass is I think it's bad. Well guys, I mean try it man and let me know The consensus out there. I think a clean wipe no brown on the toilet paper

Means that you're healthy and good And brown on the paper is no good. I think that's a sign that things are not Not that you're sick, but it's I think it's preferable to have nothing on the paper That's I think that's an allude chris thing to say Okay, well, I think that's fine to have a little bit something you and I don't see brown-eyed eye here On this very important topic ludicrous. No, so okay Well, if you think it's normal to have brown on the paper then you're in team tom If you think it's healthier to not then you're on team christina

Yeah, I guess you want to do that you want to play a song Play the pastor manning. I think that's a funny one. No, he's pastor manning and is into some shit What do you mean? You don't know about this? No, some people pastor manning is the Starbucks has semen. Oh, sorry. Yeah, I got them mixed up that guy They did a peaceful protest in front of his church This weekend and he was yelling crazy shit at them Absolutely crazy shit hateful stuff. It's pretty it's pretty

Terrible what he says, you know, well, yeah, he says dumb things. Yeah, he's very horrifically dumb ignorant. Yeah, so um, but pastor Bishop bullwinkle Oh Has another song Another song and um, would you like to hear it? I'd love to hear it It's called some preachers. Okay. Oh, yeah So, uh, here's some preachers by bishop bullwinkle

I'm gonna change the thing that you go on. I didn't know that he was retired. I did Some preachers came by my house the other day They want to know why I talk about people that way Said didn't like the thing that I had to say I said this you bitch you I'm talking about you too But if you don't do what the lord won't you to do Go back to the church and try to say some so Don't be like them preachers taking sisters making home

Some preachers ain't shit This song is called some preachers, but it's some preachers ain't shit That's what I do Some preachers they need to quit some preachers. They need to quit Oh five sisters in the front row don't have any drawers on yeah, oh shit Keep jumping Whoa, what the fuck is happening in this song 69 because of the coochies out. Yeah. Yeah. It was a 69 with some of these You

Oh my god Is why do you like that preacher? Is it because you like the way that he eats you? Wow, but you're bullwinkle. What kind of people is he associating with this bitch a bullwinkle. I've never heard Some preachers Oh So another hit from bishop bullwinkle, it's good. Yeah, it's good work. Thank you bishop Um anyways So

That's hell of a knot and some preachers that's Two smash hits two smash hits from the bishop. We should reach out to him Yeah, I bet he would be pretty uh pretty wanting to come on the show. I'm edible to coming on Yeah, that's the right word Uh, yeah, he sounds like he's got a lot to say very opinionated man That's uh, that's a very subtle way, but I bet he would be a fun interview. We should try that Yeah, I wonder what his story is, huh? Yeah

People go to church without panties on that's fucking cray-cray and they're showing the the kuchis the kuchis to the guy to the preacher And then the preacher's 69s with them No Anyways, uh, we had a big a big story for you. No, so You know if you listen to last episode 310. Yeah, we had um, yeah, peter canaan Formerly, I guess you could say friend of the show former being the operative word

I don't know what happened, but I'm not sure either The shit hit the fan. So listen I think people deserve a backstory. I mean, we have you know, a very sizable audience But some of them don't know how far back this goes. I was looking on the clips page The first time There are let's see for every page of every page when I say a page It's on this computer

Right now we have let's see every page has one two three four One two three four five six seven eight every page has About 40 clips A lot audio drops, right? So you go one page You just say has 40 drops, right? There's just you know, you know what you need it back in the day I put up that china song on there too guys by the way the trump china song that everyone likes

It's on your mom's house podcast everybody was asking for that. It's on the clips page now. So I was talking about my Personal clips page, right? Your personal one for the like in other words my soundboard Oh, sorry. I thought you were referring to the podcast No, no, no, no, no, so you're talking about the soundboard that you run the show off of right, right? That has dropped when I talked about how you sitting in the first words out of your mouth is you know I'm saying, you know, I mean that's a that's a drop. That's a drop. It's all that's an old ass drop Right. It's an old ass drop. So you can just I press a button. It's the poo poo and then these play. Yes, sir

That's a good one. Oh my fucking god. Oh shit. We can't we can't we can't walk me down memory lane right now so The first time we played peter I was looking through these pages of my drops. It's page six That's early, right? Each page has 40 drops We're on page 23 now So that's how far back you have to go. That's a lot of pages. Well, I would say we discovered peter kain right around the time We got theo FIFO now named FIFO our dog. We rescued a dog for those who don't know from the downy shelter as a kill shelter

He was a death row inmate We got this dog and he ended up being the most wonderful thing that's ever happened to us But he was really sick and We had to spend thousands of dollars to save his life long story short The mommy's pitched in and helped us pay for this dog's life. Yeah. Yeah, so he's a dog of the show He built FIFO belongs to everybody. Yeah, but anyways, so that's when I started looking online for dog training clips because FIFO had really severe separation anxiety. Yes, which he doesn't have anymore because we have bit seat, which is great when you talk about um

How the show, you know part of the show is obviously christine and I talk about our lives We incorporate, you know, our our families. Um, you know, my dad top dog's gone on a lot omg maria's on a lot Hey, that's maria. Hey, oh my god Let me clarify that I'm with a donor right now taking care of this disaster situation. Um, so that's That's maria They've all been on the and then the other part of the show obviously are these clips, you know We find things um and you send us a lot of things you send us things from

YouTube from live leak from e-fucked from porn sites from World star like it's all over and then you know, you guys are essentially associate producers of the show So there's a lot of stuff that comes in a lot of stuff that we've missed. I mean, there's too many emails to to go through And and for the time that we have that being said The way that peter came peter kane first came on the show was that somebody sent this clip Um that what we thought was just hilarious, which was just this This guy out with his dog Talking about to not touch

His fucking dog like he was like don't you know, so this is the clip we played. I don't know how long ago. It must be This is well over. Yeah, so it must be 150 episodes ago This is three two or three years. I don't know how long we've had fiefo. We've had him. Yeah more than a couple years So this is when we got to fief. Yeah If you see somebody walking down the street With their dog and the dog is Being good at it. He'll don't whistle to it. Don't say a fucking thing never Indicate to the dog anything the dog is being good

If you like encourage the dog to come over and pet you or be petted by you and it's on a leash The owner is gonna have to correct the dog. You're getting the dog in trouble. You dick So that was a clip we played and it was hilarious. Yeah It was you know, I think what was hilarious is that it seemed very genuine that this guy was very he's passionate He was passionate, but like we always liked that type too Because we're a little grumpy and we get upset about grumpiness and like people saying she like that I always found plus I didn't know it was rude to call over somebody's dog

So you're actually figuring something out. Yeah, I never thought of it that way. We didn't think of it We had we didn't know idea that that was a problem. We played that clip There was a big response to it and we eventually had Peter on the show Back then right and then over time we had him on on a call obviously then over time You know Every once in a while we'd either go back or somebody would send us like oh, have you seen this new peter video? We played other clips from peters right friends of the worst

Friends of the worst is coming up. But before that we played this one tell some friends of mine Then I'll watch their dog. So I go and pick up the dog and what do they give what do they have for the dog? This the shitty little leather leash That's fucking just about frayed and broken and broke on me. Thanks Good way to get me sued. You fucking jerks so that and then the The um, which is right. It's stupid. Don't don't give him a shitty leash

Then we played a lot of this one drop because we found it to be hysterical and that was about Friends. Okay watching your dog. Don't trust friends. They're the worst They're the worst It was saying basically the whole video that was like you can't rely on it You have to hire a real dog trainer or dog Somebody that takes care of dogs not like hey We as a friend will you watch my dog because you can't because friends. They're the worst. They're the worst And he's right

I had a friend you had a very tragic accident because she trusted her dog to a family member of friend And even more recently in montreal um We had yet another cane clip that we thought Was gold inside with my dog harley. She's a bottle fed dog and bottle fed dogs They just they don't learn like a regular dog So that's what I had to work with and here comes this asshole running towards us with his pit bull And he's running towards us and he's uh in a real excited loud voice

He wants to know if that's a male or a female. Fuck you, buddy So that was a clip that and then after that We were turned on to a clip From peter And it went up. I mean, you know, I don't know how long ago. Oh, it was recent. It was actually recent So this clip opened to show just two or three episodes ago. I don't know which episode it was But it's what prompted our latest contact with him because this Was how the clip opened. Okay. I'm contacted by so many people that asked me about

Having a raven as a pet And I'm trying to scourge all of them. You want to have a bird that has a steak knife for a beak Are you kidding me? So it's great who has a raven for a pet who the fuck we think they're crazy people too. It's ridiculous Well, no, he said not just that just the idea that people are always like hey, I'm interested in getting a raven It's a raven problem. There's an epidemic happening. I had no idea So we played this clip and then we wanted to talk about this right so So so I emailed peter like that's how we get in touch with him right specifically asking him

Hey, peter, would you like to come on the show to discuss the raven video? I was we were unaware that there was a raven problem in brooklyn So I asked him specifically what we wanted to talk about and he writes back. Yeah, sure When do you want to do the call? So we set up the time six o'clock on wednesday or whatever Here's the common number for skype. Okay So it was established what we wanted he agreed then we played that call On last week's episode episode three ten The last I would say 20 minutes or so are that call and it's all over the place

It's a fucking banana's call because it it was like it kind of was Him not wanting to talk about ravens like him wanting to Talk about everything else and ask us quite kind of like fuck with us like uh, like schticky. He was doing like yeah Yeah, so he was like, you know Do you guys eat poo and or you can eat the placenta the baby and you're not going to get Nobbers anymore all this shit and then it would kind of dip back into Hey, can we just ask you this question about the raven thing and then we'd talk about that for a moment And then it would go back to like him doing that

So we did that call and you know right away We were getting people like that call was great or that call was crazy and fun But I all positive feedback about the call. Oh and by the way when we stopped recording that call Yes, he called back and said right away. Hey, how was I and we were like was that fun? Was that good? Yeah, yeah Great man. Thanks. And then the email is like, hey, thank you so I thanked him an email Thank you so much for doing the show You know and he was very complimentary back like we thought everything was good to go right fun time Good conversation. Everything's cool

Then the very Next day the day that the day that that show went up the way the day that wednesday's episode went up peter posts this On his youtube channel, right? I just did your mom's house podcast And i'm never doing that again the first time that I did it they put in the sound It was really annoying like I'm pressing the buttons on the phone to make me look like a fucking idiot. Okay Now they I know what I'm going to do when I'm when I'm calling in And the only shit that they ever play is like something where like I'm over the top, you know

So That was the plan for me to and it's all planned out. It's like calling at six and so so that's what I do It's it's it's a bit that I'm doing You know, I don't walk around the street doing that shit asking people that they poop Do you understand? so This time they went over the line and what the line was was at the end I had it all planned out where I was going to hang up the phone on them do the old

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Have you ever heard this before? And hang up the phone on them and that's what I did but they edited it So that it sounds like they hung up the phone on me So they they stole my bit because we didn't no we didn't we played it like that You you played the whole thing. Yeah here Okay, first of all, I'm so confused by his analysis of everything. Yeah, I don't like I don't understand What what he's actually talking about like when he says like it's all planned out and I do my I I don't walk around normally doing this stuff like I think he's saying he prepares his schticks

He prepares like the placenta eat poop stuff, right? But we don't want that. I specifically said yeah Like we just want to talk to you Raven stuff. We want to talk to the guy that's in the videos Yeah, we like we just like who he is. He's an interesting person. I think he tries to do an act And that's what he's talking about like yeah, he tries to perform On the show as opposed to like to be himself like because all those That we just played for you the leash the friends are the worst. Don't put that's genuine. Yeah, that's not an act But that's why we love him. Of course. That's who he is and he's interesting They're disrespectful because I only do open mic night because he's thinking like he's performing comedy on here

That's that's all I can do, you know, there's no way I can do anything. I can't go traveling. It's not gonna fucking happen Okay, so they don't give a shit. They don't give a shit. They're self-serving assholes You know anything to make them look In great light and make the the person the guests look like shit And so that's how you view me. You think that I'm a fucking joke Fuck off never asked me to be on your fucking show And I see something too. Yeah, he's implying that we edited it. I don't understand that either Yeah, here's something you have to understand that some people that know about these audio files will understand

For that particular call We recorded the call in a in a program called sound studio And then after I converted it to an mp3 I emailed it from the computer that I record stuff on Into the computer that I placed up. They're two separate computers So in my email that quick time file doesn't have time code So I did stop it When I was playing it in the episode

And then when I realized like wait a minute. I go hold on. He still he did this to us I went back and it's in the it's not edited. It's not changed. Like yeah, we gave him the joke He got to do his shit. Yeah, I mean like it was stopped. You're right I did stop it, but I didn't stop it because I didn't want you To get your joke in I stopped it because I thought we were at the end of the file Right because you can't see like that knob Right that knob looks like it's at the end. So I even this is from episode 310 nothing's been changed. You know nothing's been changed. He contacted me on facebook

He was trying to kill me with kindness. That doesn't work with me. Oh, I know it's not fucking works I believe that, you know, we already know that Well, thank you, Thomas. Yeah, I'm sure Hey, hey, Tom. Tom real quick before we go. We gotta go Our twistedness. Okay, let's clean the jugs looking at it. All right. Thanks, Peter. Thanks, Peter. Good talking to you, buddy Hey, hang on Jesus Christ He's so fucking fired up. So far

And he oh, he wanted to make he wanted to make sure that he hung up, right? Yeah, one thing one thing what don't hang up what have you ever heard have you ever heard this before? He hung up all right. See so we played it. That's in the episode and now I thought that's not changed That's in the episode and we laughed at him. We gave him the laugh you and I laughed at his joke We were gracious. Yeah, because that was a really funny thing to do and we let him do it accidental Yeah, that's not intentional dude that I didn't let it happen The like in the moment wasn't like I'm gonna pull this joke from you No, and he's talking about making the phone sounds in the beginning. He did make phone sounds and didn't we cut that out

I thought no, I think he's saying that we'd played drops during his call the very first time he called Oh, I don't remember that's a long ago. Um, what anyways, why why I have everybody's ear That don't pet your dog asshole, man. They that they had nothing to do with that thing going viral. I didn't really go viral It's only about 220,000 or something, but they had nothing to do with that That's true at all. Yeah, I know he then he like he just gets very like Defensive and and aggressive with it, you know says like we had nothing to do with that. I mean, you know you go to The any video that we've talked about on your show on this show Yeah has way more views than your other than anything else on it

And then he was saying in one of the descriptions of one of these that like he checked the numbers and that he gets more traffic than us, which is absolute lunacy I mean, it's delusional craziness because he doesn't even get 100th of the traffic that we get. Well, I think he's comparing. Yeah his youtube page to our youtube Which I don't know if you just to make this clear. We don't post Videos on our youtube page. I think we posted four back in the day But in two years or something too much effort like we're podcasters. We're not youtubers It's it's it's just nonsense. So he's he's like trying to like be mean about it and like

That's weird. It's so weird to me. I don't know what's going on. Then the next day. He goes after The fans he posts another video talking about he wants The fans to never mention us Never say genes like it's a it's a whole other thing the whole time It's been my videos have just been a joke on this stupid fucking podcast, okay You know, I do a video about massaging a dog's feet And they're laughing about it thinking that it's funny massaging a puppy's feet because it is funny

Who does that normal? I'm saying peter We're saying that lay people who are not professional dog trainers would never conceive of massaging a dog's feet They would do this. It's silly sounding to us That's why people would laugh and then do it like we did we did Then we laughed about it and then we did it. Yeah, and we saw the dog enjoying it But like it's not part of like the normal conversation like would you do I've massage my dog's feet last night I think i think peter's assuming that we live in the same world of knowledge that he has like we don't know these things So when he says them, it's funny to us

Just like we're not in the world and next week, you know, we played a lot of this stuff at the live show When you hear a live audience, yeah Hearing about a guy saying like so if you're thinking about getting a raven Like what yeah, of course because they've never heard anybody say it before because most people We've never even heard of a thing that somebody would get a raven as a pet. That's what we're laughing at. It's absurd It's a i'm serious. I'm serious about this. Oh, isn't that funny I'm sick of it. I don't want to have anything to do with them. Do you get it? You know getting the getting sent the link

At four o'clock this morning a friend of mine sent it to me and I heard it So if they change to edit whatever it doesn't fucking matter. I heard it. I heard what they did I don't want to have anything to do with them. Do you get it? And I don't want to have anything to do with you all either I don't give a shit You know, tom and christina are dog owners. They're not animal people. They don't get it If they got it, they would they would be playing my my videos in a different light. They don't they I think also the thing the thing is that he doesn't understand is that like The videos that we play we've always played them from a

A place of like, you know, it's a loving place. It's like this guy is great We've always said that if you go back and listen to all your episodes We've always been like the great peter kane and we love the attitude. We've always thought the attitude Well, yeah, really funny like this, you know, I'm gonna get this fucking leash that this guy gave me or like I always thought that shit was funny. It's not like mocking like this asshole. No It's I think I think he's uh, he's taking this the wrong way. I really think that there's some miscommunication here because we've never had Ill intentions towards no and like when people laugh like dude

If you put stuff out there like you do like some people are gonna fucking laugh Yeah, it's just the way it is, you know, like people find things amusing. Do you get it? Do you get it? Playing as a joke even when they're not a joke and they're laughing in the background like with the raven video I don't need this and either do all the animals that are suffering and being euthanized or being stuck in cages Okay, I don't need this. I don't care what you think. Do you get it? I know what I think your mom's house fans And I don't need it. Just flat out. I just don't need it They're not helping. They're not helping me. They haven't helped my career. I'll just tell you

You know, it's all this bullshit like being nice on the fucking. Oh, yeah, thanks a lot guys They haven't done shit my twitter account has increased by probably 60 people because of christine and tom Big deal. Who gets a shit about twitter anyway? I'm a fucking dog trainer, you know, linkedin is helpful facebook is helpful Linkedin is helpful. Don't forget about that without that youtube channel Which you know is very helpful which we've helped tremendous tremendous. What about your your myspace and your friendster? Peter so to make a joke out of it or just to do this You know just to get a plug from my youtube channel. It's not worth it. Do you get it?

It's not worth dealing with them and it's not it's not worth being the butt of their jokes Don't subscribe to my channel if you want to subscribe to my channel go ahead But don't bring up your mom's house if you do I just I just block you That's just how it is twitter. It's the same thing linkedin Facebook any of those link. I don't need that. I don't need the help to be perfectly honest Tasha that show actually helped me tasha. He actually fucking helped me. They don't do you get it? Yes, I think we got it. Yeah, I think we got it Well, you know did tash have you did tash have peter kane on to do his shtick or did he have peter on?

Because of who he was because of his personality. Here's like just you know, he's talking about his videos silly Here's his views for his last few videos 109 views 88 40 111 122 147 393 259 Those are your

view counts Friends are the worst which we plug 7000 But we had nothing to do with that right and then if you go to peter kane Friends are the worst. It's the It's the third thing that comes up

and you hit on that seven thousand views and Let's see the comments Only leave your dog with friends in denim only trust friends with high and tight jeans Find out at your mom's house your mom's in the fucking stands That would be so awesome if peter kane operated this business Only trust your dog to high and tight jeans friends are the worst friends are the worst jeans for life

That's all your mom's house. Yeah, it's all your mom's house people watching your videos Everything that you have That we've played on the show has much higher views every single one But you want to act like We had nothing to do with that. All right, man I don't know it just feels um Feels like it's unnecessary

To be so mean about it. What's going on? Yeah, I don't know. I don't you know, I don't get it. I really don't understand him I just I don't know. I listen peter me or followed me in the last 48 hours. I did not friend you back And I probably blocked you if you were on twitter, which we're mostly talking about twitter About 20 some people You know

I'm sorry if you were looking for actual Advice or help with your animal I just really can't have any of this negativity around You know from your mom's House podcast. It's just not worth it You know, they took something that's very dear to me. This is a new video, by the way You know something that I've been involved in

Practically my whole life since I was a kid And just turn it into a joke So I I don't want your negativity So he's just basically saying If you're in contact with him if you follow him on twitter if you go to his youtube page Or his facebook or his linked in Don't mention your mom's house. Don't mention genes Don't say why are your genes low and loose and specifically don't say things like raven genes, right?

What's up with those raven genes or why are your genes so low and loose peter? Hey, right? My raven just bit me How should I do Don't ask him and don't say things like that He's very upset about it. It's just it's very disappointing. It's upsetting and listen peter if you are listening to this We love you. We never, uh, you know, we never meant ill will and I'm sorry you feel this way because I think it's really sad We we really I know we've loved you since the beginning and we don't under we don't get it it's always done and out of fun like, you know, we We tease and we break your balls a little bit, but it's never you know, we don't

Make you look like a fucking asshole like you're saying. No, nobody everybody who listens to the show was a huge fan of yours Yeah, it's it doesn't make sense. You know, I don't know. Maybe he's sensitive I feel like he can dish it out, but he can't take a little uh, you know, clearly comic ball busting Which is really what this is. You know, he makes these videos condemning other people in the minute We want to bust balls a little as comics. I know he gets you know fired up He made another video Which like was somebody critique something at his and he just lost his shit on him So it's like yeah, he can say stuff, but somebody jokes around with him

Fuck it. Can't take the criticism. Okay. Well, I can't do it You know what I'm gonna do. Well sad. I'm sad. I personally I don't like Uh, knowing that he's sad. I don't like it either. I really don't I don't understand why The relationship has to be here. Yeah, well I feel like tonight's one of those nights where I'm just gonna you know, Fucking I'm drinking a mountain dew past midnight. I'm not gonna be able to sleep tonight I don't give a shit

I love that guy too. That's fucking amazing. Send Peter your love Yeah, tell you know, he needs a hug. I don't I don't know where he's coming from on this. I don't He's a good guy. I think he just took it the wrong way. Yeah, I mean Peter If you're listening, let's make something clear here We love you. Yeah Hey, we love you. Do you get it? It's all love. Do you get it? It's all love Peter

All right, man Do you get it? Do you get it? Do you get it? I'm still looking at your Starbucks cup and I'm not convinced that she's some old hag Let's go back. Let's go back You mean out you want you to confront her on it? Yeah, sure. Yo, why you writing hearts on my husband's cup? You fucking slut Let's go you fucking bitch. No, look. She wrote

T-o-m And then there's a smiley face now and a fucking heart with the exclamation mark. I never noticed it. It's weird You never noticed it. No, you didn't court it. You didn't sort of Like my Whole Foods boyfriend that you're like you're flirting so much. You love that guy Here's how much I didn't court it I can't even Quite recall

I was with you pig I was when I was going I went to traders. I know and then I come back and now you've got hearts on your cup We were you like what did you come there to just call her beautiful like you always do. Hey beautiful. Hey gorgeous But here's what I can't remember. I can't remember If I fingered her okay while she was making this coffee Because she may have dead she may have taken the heart Afterwards as I was reaching over the counter Don't do that. And then she

God, that's so gross. Nobody likes that by the way That aggressive. I mean, maybe some people do but I don't It's rude. It's rude. That's rude. I agree. It's rude Um, should we tell I mean again this will some news that will pop up in the uh, the live It's flirting with other people. I know the live show we have a new um, Would you rather theme song? Yeah, the would you rather is are going to be playing in the bonus episode next week Yeah

During the theme song, you know, we've had the the same would you rather theme song for a while and it's got to go Why does it have to go? Well because old rapey jeans ruined it for everybody. Sure did. Well rape sweater Mm-hmm. So we have it and You'll hear it during the show the idea came from a lady named sara So we give sara her credit You'll hear it during the live show, but just so you know from now on Would you rather's will start a different way. They'll start this way So

That's a new would you rather do you want to do would you rather for all time sakes since we just oh really Okay, yeah, you have one that's not from the show. Yeah, okay I'm excited about it. Okay. So jeans this is for you Would you rather always feel hungry and never feel full? Or have to go pee every hour Basically be seven months pregnant Hey, you call it seven months pregnant. I call it life all the time for me anyways What the peeing and the eating. Yeah, you'd see how much I pee

You do have the black right now, but I also know but I also lady I consume Fluids well negative fluids negative waters coffee Not just that I drink waters all day, man. I'm always pounding. I don't give a shit. I don't give a fucking shit Drink your water. I think it bothers me more To have to go pee all the time. I know that sounds crazy Big old fat fuck like me Bother you to pee more

To always be hungry and never feel full is a pain in the ass and I you know That that feeling is a shitty feeling. Yeah, I feel that way all the time lately. It's so hard I really gotta eat But I mean for that to be the feeling all order pee. I mean, I guess you kind of pee You pee all the time anyways, right? But I'm talking in the middle of the night, dude Like every hour almost every hour now I think I value sleep more and then I would that that would be my reason Yeah, is that I feel like I'm gonna lose my fucking mind

If I if you told me that every night every hour, I would never have More than one hour of sleep without peeing. Oh, yeah, so yeah, I would have to choose the hunger Yeah, I kind of wish I could I would shoot hunger over and I think you can you know what after a while Your mind would if you if you were into the meditation of it Yeah, you would you would learn to process that feeling and you'd be like I'm comfortable. I am one with the hunger that I feel it's like dieting. You just kind of learn to just live with it Live with hunger, but the the inconvenience of having to pee every hour on the hour Is what would be the nightmare? Yeah, I agree

That's the worst the part about this the worst you shit. Yeah, because your knees fucking hurt when you have to get up It's terrible. Is it hot in here? Is it just me? I'm like having a hot flash. I think I think you're just that's pregnancy flash. Yeah And you're going back and forth, but we're in the house the other day. You're like I turned it down. It's cold. What? It's hot. We got it down to like 62 To sleep because I can't I can't I'm burning up dude Sucks. Anyway, that's that's the one that I had left over that we didn't do for the show Hey, do we have time for a dental update? Yeah, we should have a dental up. I mean

Again, this will be separate from our show, right? Yeah, of course. Yeah So This came in from a guy named valentine remember he sent us some horrific pictures of his teeth They were like black and really messed up. What was this thing that he just neglected them? Like what was this thing? I think so. I forget But this poor gentleman had such messed up teeth and we're like dude Get them taken care of do not hesitate. I think it was need to press And then he like yeah, yeah, he was in a depression for a while, right? Right. He kind of neglected his teeth for a few years

So he did it. He goes well. Thanks for the advice guys. I took the plunge and got a cavity filled and my back molars ripped out Oh, we told him just to spend the money. That's what yeah I can finally sleep again without tossing and turning in constant agony with mouth pain. Oh I have scheduled dates to start treatment plans and hopefully I'm now going down the right road to a healthy smile. Thank you for pulling my pants up hot pants up Okay, I'll take that. Okay Pans of hindsight now it's time to get my teeths on fleek. Sincerely valentine. Well, good for you valentine I'm really happy to hear that. I mean, yeah, I'm happy for you, man. You can't go without gotta take care of your teeth guys

Yeah, it's really listen. It's worth the debt. It really is. It's good debt. It's good debt to have Can we talk about the teeth we've been talking about for like the last two weeks in our lives? Yeah Yeah, there's something about There's really something about a guy After a certain age getting the full veneers the veneers the white the big steve harvies. Yeah, where If you're 70 And you get 25 year old Big white teeth. Yeah, you look like a fucking lunatic

And if you look older some of you guys know who he is Dennis hoff The owner proprietor pimp of the bunny ranch in um in nevada Uh, who's been featured many times on hbo Uh, their shows the bunny ranch. That's the name of the show, right? Yeah, they call it cat house or cat house. Yeah That's a good show. He's been featured for you. They used I think the first time they ever profiled him Was on real sex when they used to do real sex

And then they ended up going back to there for like a series and he's been featured on there He's been in interviews dozens of times because he's in one of the only legal Counties that allow his prostitution in america Anyways, this guy, you know, he's he lives it up. He's got hoes around him all the time and always have Boo's and they're busted. They're a little. There's a lot of busted ass. Let's keep it real. Oh my god These aren't playmates. Why aren't there better-looking hoes there? That's a fucking issue Why? Because if they are better-looking hoes, they'd be at the playboy mansion. Not it. No, but you can really hoe and really command

top dollar At a brothel. I mean, I don't understand why he doesn't have he has busted as hoes But anyways, he just changed his teeth from Normal teeth like old man teeth, which is what he is because but they also just looked they fit his face To now the veneers And actually the veneers make him look 30 years older. Yeah, because they so they're such they're in such

like Crazy contrast to what the rest of him is That it looks like a 95 year old man. You know what it looks like Like a skeleton like skeletor. Yeah, like with perfect teeth It's not it's not Yeah, because when you're older your teeth kind of you know, they get ground down They get grooves in them. They get yellower And it's it's okay to whiten them like I would suggest that he would just kind of bond the teeth

Right, like if there were brown patches bond them And keep them a natural ish color But he went for he went for the gusto which is what happens with veneers They go for the steve harvies And he you know, you can't like I have two veneers in the front But you can never tell because they're glass and they're made like To look like natural teeth and these I don't know why these a-holes go for the cheap veneers I guess they're cheaper. They're the big fucking

Chicklets white white white Yeah, white as snow and not translucent. You have to have some Translucency in the tooth. Yeah, and then your mouth shape actually changes. I mean he looks like a fucking crazy Look if your grandfather has crazy looking don't let him put in all new veneers No, you'll look insane because you can like I said upgrade your teeth But not but don't get those fake looking veneers man. You can never stop whitening them. I don't know why people Yeah, just whiten them keep whitening them. Yeah

I'm so god. I'm gonna post this picture that has It has He looks crazy. I'm gonna retweet it. Yeah, he looks so much better with those old yellower teeth. Yeah He even looks less fat and old But he looks so fucking disgusting. Yeah, you look like you're a big phony like a big faker Yeah, it doesn't look good It doesn't look good Not a good luck buddy. It's not a good luck. You look fucking crazy. All right

You had your old fucking teeth and you got these Yeah, because like I mean there's ways to do it that you don't have to look totally Phony like with them. Yeah, it's weird. People go to cheap dentist. I think he's going to some person out in Nevada and vegas who gives people like the vegas special Yeah, he's getting like a deal, you know Well, I only did the top row for 10 grand. You know what the problem is. Here's the problem He's around hoes all the time Hoes go always to the extreme

Get the get the new shiny thing If someone was like, you know, you can get these It'll kind of look it'll match you and then some hoe was like And he was like, I'm gonna do what princess said And then that's what happened when Air Force Amy wants because her teeth look fucking bonkers too big fake ticks fake hair fake teeth It looks terrible Yeah, because I you know, I'm all for enhancing. I bleach my hair. I do these things but you know Some kind of real make it look subtle, right jeans. Yeah, of course subtlety is the key. Yeah, just upgrade a little bit

numb nuts Yeah, are you tweeting it now? Dennis hoffs pictures. He's ridiculous. I'll retweet that So I think there's one more dental update This one I really spoke to me. Um, he says Hold on first of my friends make fun of me for being the floss guy Uh, I was used to these strands of floss at my friend's parties until something wretched happened one day After a night shift. I returned home upon arriving. I had a nice meal As was usual following the meal. I decided to floss my teeth

With the pitiful strand floss I usually used as I neared the end of my floss session I had but two or three teeth left to dig into I stuck the floss In and all of a sudden it ripped due to the sharp edge of the filling. I've had the exact thing happen to me I know you're talking about and what happens is the floss gets stuck in between your teeth and it's fucking terrifying So he goes there. I was the piece of thick floss stuck in my teeth. I panicked. What should I do? Soon after I ripped off another strand only to have it break off in the same tooth

I've had exactly the same thing. Fuck. I was panicking I couldn't get this piece of floss out of my tooth and it was thick causing extreme discomfort I even resorted to tying floss to a sewing needle and trying to insert the needle with the floss Following between the teeth from the bottom. That's silly. I'm confused Don't don't even can you tell me what he's doing and what he's trying to do? Use a sewing needle and trying to insert the needle with the floss. So he uses floss with the needle Following between the teeth from the bottom so that I could Pluck up relieving me of this pressure, but the needle didn't work. I wouldn't put a needle in your teeth

You better get your life So his mind is racing. I was in a cold sweat Um, nevertheless with the melt with melatonin on board. I had to sleep and suffer one of the worst sleeps in my life Oh, Jesus. So he woke up. He went to walmart picked out extra strong floss sticks And with one fell swoop The flastic plunged in between my molars and freed me from the shackles of that damn piece of broken floss So his floss that was stuck between his teeth. Yeah, and I've had the exact thing happen So the problem is I think what happened here because it's happened to me. Yeah, he's using unwaxed

bulky, okay, right? So when that goes in between You can I've had it tear off too and it's fucking terrifying and it stays in there and it stays in there So you're like now, how do I get it out? Now if you use the same kind of floss to go in to rescue that floss Guess what? It's not going to work. You need to change your approach. So what I've done is switch to mint waxed You got to get waxed because that goes I know it's not as great as an unwax But it slides in between you're not going to have that same kind of thing happen you but this guy swears by floss sticks So that's what he's saying. Uh, have you tried the floss sticks? Not really. I have and I don't like it. Yeah

I don't like the sticks. I find them to not be as effective, but that's just me a lot of people prefer them Yeah, I think you uh, that's my I'm not into the floss sticks. I don't like them But I do like that wax like the thicker, you know, I mean it's yeah, do you like the white one like the it's like thick flat you know, it's like it's like a It's almost like a like a ribbon. Yeah, it's not it's not the rope It's flatter. Mm-hmm. That goes in there. So nice. It's in the white case. We have yeah, I like that one glade glade Yes, I'm sure like that or glide. Yeah, that's just good. Yeah, that's a good one Um, did you want to read the or can I read the brekkie email? Oh, yeah somebody because last week you brought

basted eggs and that was uh It was really fun for a lot of people a lot of people said that they Enjoyed learning about that Stupid oh, let's see this email came in That said ha la at the god. Hey, Tommy and tina jeans tom never mind what christina says I eat brekkie every night for dinner know why

Because it's gooder than a bitch Okay, okay Gooder than a bitch. I have always I always have a few eggs and little did I know I have been based in those motherfuckers this whole time. It's the best way to eat them You have impeccable taste tom keeping those jeans high nicky b Nicky

Thank you for your message You have a candor spirit. Yeah Telling you guys go out to breakfast this week Go to your favorite brekkie joint and just throw it out there and say I'll have a couple basted eggs, please and if you're like me

You can do that at breakfast lunch or dinner. I disagree. I think breakfast is for breakfast. I'm rude and wrong I'm not a breakfast at night person. I think it's disgusting. I think you're fucking with nature I think it's just unnatural and wrong. Ain't nobody got time for that. You can have it whenever you want I disagree. I think it's disgusting. I think you're ruin. You're messing with mother nature a little bit. You're gonna have breakfast Absolutely, whenever you want you don't have to worry about it. You don't have to worry about anybody thinks breakfast is for breakfast time only. No, people have Different taste buds and there's different times when they want things if I if it's if it's evening

And I feel like having some yolk. I can have it. Do you get it? I think that's why your brown's all mush why you can't make a clean wipe because you didn't breakfast at night. Do you get it? I get it. Maybe you had breakfast at breakfast time. You wouldn't have those brown white problems. I'm so tired You are? Yeah, let's go lay down. Let's go lay down. I'm hot. This is um, this is just fun I'm glad I was looking forward to doing today's show. Yeah, we got we got our little wind in our sails. Yeah, it's fun Um, all right jeans. Thank you guys for listening. I hope I can see you at some of my upcoming shows Philly

Mamiapolis and of course that crazy Texas run in Oklahoma City included Houston Dallas Austin San Antonio It's going to be a lot of fun, man. So, uh Yeah, I'll be there my show is in LA if you guys are LA come october 2nd eight o'clock Melrose improv october 7th. I'm taping. This is not happening. Are you sure fierce thing cheetahs hollywood? Don't forget that

Such a fun show. I can't wait. What is it? What is the uh, that again? This is not happening What is that? No, what time what day 7 30 october 7th? You can get tickets on my website thousand ranch.com. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry and all my tickets to topsogurr.com Copy me stupid. Okay. I love you. I love you. Bye guys I So I