Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 318-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: November 18, 2015

Yo Chuck! Yo, You got AIDS, YO! Aw, Damn, kid. Hope you got your Jimmy Hat. Tommy's done with the road for 2016, but he brought Guess My Brown home from the Big City! Will Tina guess correctly? Bunz has an idea for a new business to help support our growing family. If you need a nail trimming, please don't cut them! We're coming over.  Plus fashion has never been Tommy's strong suit and he's apparently really owning that now. Jeans has something to say about Bunzies new apparel.  And she rocked your world with last weeks Yellow/Brown/Yellow revelation. This week, Tina has a NEW insight into how browns and yellows sometimes mix. 

it's on I made this music I know you did your trumpet keyboard it's called the POS song oh the because after the expression you came up and trademark trademarked it and I celebrated by recording that's great good job it's so exciting to be back here in the mommy dome what to talk about if you hear any additional music throughout the show that's just coming from the studio downstairs Pilates damn it yeah unbelievable unbelievable so jeans yeah I'm off the road I'm done you're official you're staying home with me because I could pop any minute

what an amazing last couple of weeks for me thank you to everybody that came out I'm so excited to be home now with my jeans and awaiting baby jeans but I had a blast in Florida Buffalo new york city bar flow bar flow new york city at the at the turd ball center turd ball at NYU that was just so fun and then new haven come netiquette my was my last show I've never had so much fun doing a college gig it was just it was just a blast so thank you so much to everybody that came to the shows you made it really exciting for me and I appreciate it now my my next club gig is new year's eve uh that's brea california at the brea impromptu there Thursday I think is new year's eve and then Friday saturday maybe

even sunday as well it's all on my site tomcigura.com and after the new year in january I'll be going to denver to play comedy works downtown and I also have a flapper's weekend here in Los Angeles and Burbank so I'm excited to that and some things are being added to my site go to tomcigura.com the shows page you'll see all my future shows and I'll probably pop in and out of some clubs until then around here jeans anything for you I've officially stopped doing stand-up as I find that my appearance horrifies the audience oh please I think I'm a little too big it's a little too risky for me I just want you to be home and resting me too I'm enormous so uh I'm just doing that steep row this week my episode is uh you should be offended I did the narrative I narrated a

documentary called can't we take a joke and it's in that vein of like why are people so offended and what does it mean to be offended and does it serve any kind of fucking utility uh so that's it that's week on that on this week on that steep row so check it out um I think that's that uh oh also guys the holidays are just around the corner and listen do yourself a favor don't travel with gifts for for the holidays just don't don't do it do it on amazon buy or show on amazon have them ship it but please use our banner your mom's house podcast.com you go to that site click on our banner at the bottom of the homepage and do your shopping as you normally would and it just kicks back some change to the show beautiful yeah please do that guys and we'll have some we'll have a list for you

of uh some suggestions that we found in a Christmas shopping list that maybe you can get through amazon yeah that'll be coming up soon yeah but also too if you just bookmark it so that you don't forget I know sometimes you guys write to me and you're like oh I went to amazon I forgot bookmark that shit son oh yeah on our with our links so then you don't have to think um so much to cover today I feel like it's really an exciting time to be in the dome so much happening in the world today so much happening let's see a lot of brown talk to cover yeah there's uh I found this one that I wanted we were just talking about I want to do it oh here we go you ready to start the show yeah let's do it let's do it this is like the only chick I'm very

afraid of and what the only girl I'm scared of okay if she got into the ring it goes round the rosy what would happen fuck round the rosy up he ain't got to say that I don't got to say she looks you already said it and it made her boxy don't bring anyone loving to this welcome welcome welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura Christina Pajit welcome to your mom's house oh

oh what do you think of that as a job someone could do was a go around offering their teeth as nail clippers so you just you walk up to people and you go you need your nails and then you just clip their nails with your teeth I think it's a great idea I can't believe you've nobody thought of that before yeah what would you call it I would say I'm a precision nail tech but you need like a business name like what's it called like oh right bite me oh hey now that's good um or how about what if it was caution I bite oh yeah it's a bad name for a place um what do you think two two feces to your toes two feces

so then like somebody goes oh yeah I need my nails shrimp nibblers shrimp nibblers matty's gonna lose his mind at that one I saw him this weekend you did yeah so I'm in New Pork City New Pork City New Pork City yeah that's right he we emailed today he said your show at the the skirball's center was a maze it was it was really fun god that was a good time they really made um made my jeans feel super tight wait let's get back to this business idea though yeah when will you are you gonna get like a mobile service you're gonna go door to door I know door to door is a good idea yeah because your nails done and then they'll think you're coming with a manicure pedicure kit yeah and then then let's say they go okay like and they

you go you start with your toes yeah and then you start biting their nails here's the problem though you might wear down those little teeth easy yours and you go you spit the nail clipping back at them now here's your here's the thing you should prepare yourself for yeah you're gonna do a lot of elderly people oh and pregnant people because those are the two primary demos a lot of crust cut their own toenails yeah oh you imagine cutting imagine biting fingernail like a stranger's oh god biting somebody else's toenail is the grossest thing ever even your own yeah not good I remember a girl in the high school told me that when she was a little kid her um her friend's mother used to do that to them no yeah do what to them uh cut their toenails bite their toenails

for them dirty and disgusting that's so disgusting it's really weird right she's like when we were like four or five she told me her friend's mother used to bite their toenails that's really she better get her life dirty and disgusting that's so gnarly and if you do that to tamar you better get your life yeah tamar reaction would not stand for that get your entire get your entire you better get your life girl get your life you better get your life get your life get your life that's so really anyways it's just one of the businesses i'm starting yeah so you know we're gonna have a kid you need side businesses well you got your dj'ing kicks i know that dj poly by is it dj dad mouth or dj poly by um i think it's dj dad mouth yeah so dj dad mouth

so it sounds like you're gigging you're doing stand-up and brea are you gonna close the shows maybe the new years you've shown with the dj i'm well i'm working out with the contract now i mean they know that that's what i want to do yeah i'm trying to pull out like extra money from them you know i'm like this is not a free thing that i'm doing no and you're very in demand your yes okay stand-up is doing okay for you but i think what's really taking off is your dj'ing career well it needs to be where my stand-up's at is what i feel like and right now i feel very disrespected by dj buyers like a lot of the right in the community right are telling me like yeah you can play your music as you know and i'm trying to tell them i don't think you understand 10 g's each

hand is the way i imagine oh okay yeah 10 10 g's per hand well both hand are gonna spend music right so you want me to spend 20 large dude and everyone's laughing right now but you'll see you're not gonna be laughing when i start bringing those checks home i think what you should do and this is just you know i've watched the secret i've listened to inspirational tapes you gotta stop this you gotta focus full steam ahead on this dj and quit this nonsense with stand-up i know you got a special on netflix coming out it's really funny i watched it yeah i know you're really successful at that fuck it drop it and just focus all chips in on the dj and i have your support 100 wow thank you see this is what i've been wanting to hear from you for a while and the

toenail eating business i think this is a really good idea fingers and toes finger fingers and toes yeah yeah huh um it's a great idea i can't do the toenail clipping biting because of my veneers all right yeah so i'll have to work independently but you know but i'll drive i have a family i'll drive the van the toenail the shrimp nibbler i get a bite a shrimp nibbler's is so good biting the shrimp down but all people oh all right i'm glad you're here oh god oh that's what people do huh they go to the doctor and then they have like the doctor file them down i just saw this on the board here and i i realize it's another possibility to name our business what's that we could name the business chips in a bowl because i i collect

your clipping i put them in a little bowl for you i'm gonna throw up at my own idea god you know it's funny is that we've had other really great ideas like cum gum where we fill the chewing gum like chools with different guys semen that's not as gross to me as you nibbling toenails there's a girl who oh nibbling the nail is the gross i know it's like it's not even the foot no it's chewing on a toenail yeah crazy it's a crazy talk who does that how great somebody's doing that right now though right now someone's showing their own toenails off that's true i knew i knew a guy in um you know i've always bitten my fingernails and i knew a guy in high school whose mother made him so and he lives across the street three doors down she made him so anxiety riddled mom

yes yes yes he would really really identify i really identify with this but i can't get enough of that guy it's so good uh he he would he would peel his toenails off you know his own his own that's not that bad all of them like and chew them oh not that part he would chew them yeah he would eat them like a macadamia mom he would do what i would do with my fingernails why did you do that to me gosh she made him crazy brutal i know i don't want to i don't want to you know call him out but no don't like will you tell me who it is later yeah you don't know him though you've never met him hey may i make a suggestion as well yeah you know as we were doing the introduction i heard tom sigura have you ever thought about changing your name to

mom sigura this was suggested to us but who i think it was giggity greg well i'm sorry giggity i i have like you don't remember this i have amnesia no on my brain yeah it's like 50 episodes ago mom sigura yeah go by to go by mom yeah well i mean i'm but i'm talking about a legal name change like i want you to go down to the county and i'm talking about changing the website to mom sigura i'm talking about tickets are on sale for mom sigura i'm talking about calling netflix yeah changing the name now you better get on that i gotta get on that you're editing now so yeah it's pretty crazy i gotta say jeans uh we were watching your special was that this morning yesterday it's so funny it is so good and you know i'm not just saying that because you're my

the love of my life the fire of my loins but it is so good and i'm so excited for you because i think i think people are really gonna love it well that's very sweet thank you it looks amazing and you're amazing in it it's very nice you very funny i'm very excited about it and um i should i think within a week or two should have the release date so i'm waiting i'm waiting to get it before i announce anything well the great part of it being on netflix is that people can take their oh yeah finding it of course that's such a great it's not like television where you know air is at midnight and you know i know you better find it because it or dvr like that that's the beauty of netflix you know netflix and it's great it's so good and you look so handsome that was

the main thing i told them to look handsome i said i want to look really handsome in this yeah you are you're very handsome um speaking of that mom mom i got a where is it oh here it is tow towfroy made a mom song based on that based on that clip you want to hear it i love when people do the towfroy t o p h e r o y towfroy is that how you say that toffry toffry toffroy t o p h r wow it's really good so it's like actually a legit good song people i love when people make this stuff man yeah we see my favorite especially when it's legitimately good too yeah we're like wow how is that even how do you do that yep um god there's so much audio to get to let's talk about well

first of all i wanted to to tell you that when i was in new york i it occurred to me that i could keep track of things and have a new york city edition of uh guess my brand i'm gonna tell you exactly what causes that kind of fun oh that's exciting yeah oh so you recorded what you ate and then we're just kept track and then i was like do you want to play the you want to warn people oh yeah yeah i should i can't believe we haven't been doing this they could be eating a bagel next up brown talk brown talk coming up yeah you've been warned you've been warned it's a great ryan match match man made that so it's again it makes me smile yeah we didn't do that forever no i think we just take it for granted when we go into brown talk the audience like

but they're so used to it now they used to not be listen why we had to do that when you press play you've been warned on this show people got upset when we used to just defend to it so the way that we play guess my brown on this show is uh uh basically somebody lists what they ate and then the other person guesses based on the bristol stool chart that's one through seven i have in front of me right here on this yeah you sure do um which you can get at your mom's house podcast dot com we sell a bristol stool chart might list the seven types of stool i don't get exactly what causes that kind of fun and christina this is what i had in new york city let me take notes go ahead one day okay before a brown i'm sorry so what day are we talking in travel time this is when

you've arrived this is day two three four were we this is probably day three or four of new york city i've been on the east coast for a week already oh so you i'm acclimated to rodas yeah i don't have rodas anymore got you because yeah i'm a few days in okay but this isn't new york okay yeah this might be what is either actually i can tell you it was november great no because i this is obviously i added this after i left yeah i think it was okay as long as i haven't i engaged on how long you've been on the road i didn't just arrive or anything different bacteria so this is the this is the first thing i said i go to this restaurant sure i have mixed greens this is for lunch for lunch okay um then i have eggs benny oh boy yeah with freets like it's

a french restaurant yeah good luck then i leave there yeah and i have a coffee i mean what are you doing what are you doing with your life a brioche as well for fuck sake it has chalky in it of course and a greasy and yeah i i want to say this sure i think the answer might surprise you of what your number is yeah because i know i i feel like you you feel like you got a certain number in your head right now and um i mean i don't want to miss like i just told that's that the game is to tell you what i ate you tell me what the number is sure and here's what i'm factoring in just let me walk you through my processes here yeah uh even though you've been on the road for a week and change it's a lot of different bacterias yeah and what you like to do

is you eat runny eggs and those consistently give you hot runny browns but you don't seem to learn that lesson you know what i mean like every day is the same for you you don't you don't learn the lesson and then and then eggs venedig the hollandaise is that's that's a real uh roll of dice yeah that is do you know how touchy that stuff is if it's not made super super fresh it can wreck your asshole point taken okay but you're saying i'd be surprised which leads me to believe i'm going to go you know you should have said that because i feel like i was a giveaway well why don't you tell us what your guess my my guess for you i'm going to say you're always a hot four you're a four but with a little bit of a a spice a little bit of a five

like a four plus a four point five okay but do you want me to the grease on that brioche i'm going to go for i'm going to go more for five actually hot a hot hot four more five the answer is right here i put the don't show me oh i think so many picture four point five yeah you fucking put four point five yeah you got to be kidding no wow that's unbelievable i'm gonna tell you exactly what causes that kind of fart you're kidding no i'm not kidding that was in there i can't believe we just i know look i've never seen you this happy i'm so excited you're so excited that you guessed it wow i mean wow i'm blown away by my own i gotta say i gotta say i'm like kreskin with the from uh i thought that was a remarkably good score not just that you can guess accurately

sure that's not that bad for all this mayhem four four and a half listen i'll tell you what this should be a six it should be it should be a slap or six yeah it's a four and a can i tell you my theory on why it didn't wreck this should be the runny eggs and the and green salad and coffee i tell you what i think it was the quality with with which things were prepared in that restaurant if it's a high high end it was a nice restaurant i think i didn't get shitty low quality greasy butter or whatever whatever things were prepared in it was easier on the guts right it's not like denny's eggs benny right that's much because i was i was sitting there going huh isn't this interesting and i wanted to talk to you about it over the phone but i didn't want to ruin the

opportunity to play this game it's been hard to not talk about it well i'm just i you know what i'm just i'm so happy that i guessed correctly and i like you nailed it i can't believe it i'm overwhelmed i'd like to thank everybody who listens to show yeah um i just want to thank you for your love and support and my parents for raising me right but i can guess these things well you really really really knocked that out of the brown park um let's talk about your girlfriend your girl ronda rousey got the shit kicked out i know and that opening clip i played was the great ann wolf herself a former boxer and she's a trainer hard ass trainer she does not fuck around like my favorite my favorite boxing trainers and wolf by far that's not her but that's her philosophy

she's a hard ass i don't know i just love her i don't know if you know you didn't get to witness the uh the fight i watched that round the second round after i had a show so i didn't get to see it live but i watched it online afterwards and um it was very it was really interesting to see her get dominated it was interesting to see somebody execute such a precise and effective game plan and holly home and it was also you know a lot of people felt that i'm a rousey fan too i've always i liked her um i still like her but she was she i think she was psyching herself up it was really interesting that you know she did like kind of these again they might be just psychological things but like pretty disrespectful things too you know she talked a lot of crazy ronda did to this chick

yeah she also she didn't tap gloves you know when you whenever you have a fight you tap well she walked away from that um my the thing that i observed that i thought was really interesting and this is just as a sports person of someone who likes sports and i was surprised that no one caught on or talked about this more i was watching this espn piece before the fight it was like the day or two before and they were talking to her and she brought up her legacy almost like that this fight was an afterthought in other words right that she's already kind of tapped out so no it's it's like i'm definitely gonna win she's worried about she was really talking about like her legacy being undefeated and like this is two days before the fight like all right in in if this had been

like a i know a football game or a basketball game you had the star player talking about legacy it would have been like the the go-to conversation that they would have been talking about is can you believe that this person's not focused and talking about their like bringing up their legacy before the big game right the fact that she was even you know talking about that was a huge red flag in my mind you're saying that her head wasn't focused on the game at hand like i think she took it as a foregone conclusion she was gonna win like easily yeah just don't even worry about it and then to be talking about my legacy is going to be one of you know this and that like you need to stop worrying about legacy and start focusing on saturday you know that's what's up that's what and wolf would

have said not a friday but a saturday that's a real loud clip um but this other one how fucking funny that's old shit by the way and wolf talking shit but it's so good well yeah you know i honestly i haven't even watched the knockout because i it would break my heart to see ronda i've seen stills of it and i've you know been listening to everybody's been saying about it yeah uh it's she she'll come back she's my girl she'll come well yeah i mean she's a champion you know she's not gonna she's not gonna she's not done and i i think about can you imagine what this rematch is gonna bring as far as eyeballs and dollars oh my good for her it might be the best thing that ever happened oh yeah i mean the rematch is gonna be the thing to go to and the

thing to watch and yeah there's gonna be even more people tuned into it i hope she fucking kills that girl you do not literally but the only girl i'm scared of okay if she got into the ring it goes round the rousey what would happen fuck round the rousey up he ain't gotta say that i don't gotta say she doesn't look she already said it may or boxy or both but fuck we meet the streets i don't disrespect him nothing but it may it may it's kind of like street fire she's ready to say wow wow yeah it was really um you know she i think she was humbled you know i think so too there's a still of her um when they announce the victory and her head is down oh yeah and you're just like man i listen her world was turned upside down i know the the uh possibility of that happening

didn't really process in her mind before that happened yeah well that's a fucking it's a lesson like you said she was already talking legacy when she should have been talking about saturday talking about legacy she's going on saturday let's talk about saturday no he's supposed to say satay sat saturday saturday saturday well that isn't that how it always is in life right you gotta you gotta look at the stuff immediately on the plate if you want to stay i'll be interested we'll find we'll find out probably not for a while all the shit that was going on like i remember when tyson lost to douglas and i was a kid and i fucking wanted to cry because tyson was supposed to be unbeatable you know it's like fucks you up that he lost for me i was like

how can he lose i don't understand but then years later you know he talked about that he was like drinking in the in the green room punching the walls he's going through his divorce he was crazy depressed the least focused fight probably he ever had and then all those things add up and you go oh like this he was in a really bad place the night of that fight well there you go it'll be interesting to find out i think over time what factors were playing in her life psychologically and and you know the reality what was going on you never know yeah you don't know what goes on with people especially in that high profile high stress and like she's got so much weighing on her you know like everything happening yeah it's like it's a crazy gig to have it's a crazy gig to have

and she's like you know that high demand everyone wants her attention for everything all the time so we'll see man well it's upsetting i was looking at uh joe rogan's instagram and and tony henchcliffe post pictures of him in the audience his like eyes bugging out of his head yeah it's a great picture and joe you see joe's picture yeah yeah everybody's everybody's all our friends are losing their minds everybody's losing their minds losing their minds shit you gotta get your life get your ronda rousey life ronda rousey you got me that shirt you better get your life girl get your life you better get your life get your life you got me to don't be a do nothing but shirt yeah i said well you know i i know that you liked her so when i

saw that shirt i bought it took like fucking 12 weeks to hang now she's the fucking bomb dude yeah she's great she's really changing the world i think speaking of shirts uh don't forget your high and tight shirt is a great christmas gift for your fellow your mom's house fan if you go to your mom's house podcast dot com we have those okay those mugs those shirts bunch of stuff get your bristle stool mug get your bristle stool mug get you your bike shirt it's all good man speaking of uh new tops do you want to explain do you want to explain why you look like an adult who has asperger's or maybe they started older and gentle like that's not cool no it is it's it's accurate though i bought these three custom made sweatshirts um you can see them on my instagram

they uh from a company where they put that shirt on instagram well yeah when i ordered them i put them on did you did you model it please please post pictures of you of you modeling them i think i think people need to see for themselves what we're what we're up against here what we're up against i did this i i did okay so that they look cool like you know yeah why do they not look cool now it's intense i'm not gonna you know listen i don't know i try not to dream crush you when it comes to yeah too much i really don't i know you don't but we got this package yesterday and you put the shit on yeah it was so immediately i was like no yeah just no bro no but i told you i wore this one around today yeah i wore it to an audition i wore it sure into a starbucks i mean i was i was wearing

this around i got a lot of positive feedback but i think it's because they're like oh look at the retarded man that's sweet that he he has such a spunk to him that he wears these neat sweaters i really dig this one a lot i like this one i know it's i know it's crazy can you describe it to the listeners it's it's a fucking raven you know it's a big it's big it's not it's not like a it's like a photograph that they just print on a shirt an enormous and the eye of the raven is about as big as your you know bigger than your nip nips it's a big huge it's like it's wild man you don't see shit i don't see anyone wearing shit like no nobody would but i gotta tell you something yeah it was such a departure of the norm for me and it actually felt it sounds i feel like a like uh mommy it's

fun i actually had fun wearing this crazy thing today well then i don't want to dream crush it's not a dream i don't feel like your dream question i laughed so hard that you told me that they were gonna that they're gonna go that retarded guy's back at the coffee shop i laughed so hard at that they give you a free coffee because they're like going around special day but the coffee guy was like that's a crazy dope shirt the the barista i know why don't you tell the listeners the other ones you purchase the other one like i said there's one that has just jellyfish on it and it's uh all blue that one's kind of wacky right oh yeah i think maybe i'll wear that one tomorrow sure i'll wear it to the sonogram oh cool that's and then and i'll wear it to our our interviews that we got

oh i gotta take a picture for our kid to see you in these and then i uh have one of just handable lector's face sure and it looks it's pretty menacing it's a little it's pretty men it's pretty intense what do you think it says about you i think it says like i i'm fucking intense i hope you are too let me look at that one again that's yeah i mean look at the lector one that's it's intense because i think is you know just having like a t-shirt with lector on it like a small one is cool i think what's alarming is the size of the print it's alarmingly huge yeah it's the whole thing it's the whole sweatshirt you're right you're gonna vomit it's you know yeah um it's just it's a lot babe it's a lot of print on a lot and a big piece of fabric

i'm gonna get more i'm gonna i'm getting sure okay well what's your next one let's look it up any more any more murderers or serial killers you could get or or a wildlife you seem to be in this wildlife theme i don't know what about a brussel's griffon doggy i would like to one of those i could get one of those made yeah sure great um well let me know what you decide on um okay i'm really excited what is this here i got this yeah he stopped the other day house my neighbors complain cause my bushes is growing over i'm there this is not real no no because you'll see she pretends to get hit and it's it starts off promising and oh so you

saw this yeah okay that's why i'm a shit can i can we play the voicemails i've been getting yes there's so many of them um here we go so in the last let me tell you hold on since you're gonna die so since when's the last time we played these people who's muckluck's these muckluck's since 11 six no oh yes yes yes you're right and we gotta do this since 11 three i've gotten one two three four five voicemails from this foreign language person and i there's two i haven't even listened to um do you want to play some yeah i absolutely do i want to play this first um we have a a translation of the last time we played oh so i gotta i had a guy right in and he said the language from the voicemail this is the original

one we played is farcee the first voicemail says something conspiratorial she tells the guy he's getting framed and tells him to go buy cameras fries electronic it's an inside job what the second voicemail and i had most multiple people confirm this one second voicemail tells the guy to get fish because the lady is hungry and the lady offers to buy the fish she says she's dying from hunger and if she knew it'd take him so long to get the fish then she would go buy the fish herself that's slay mon thank you very much for that on instagram and i had multiple people send tweets about the the message as well they said the fish and spinach so farcee so here if you want to play from 11 three it's unplayed i didn't i haven't listened to it yet because i want it to be

surprised as well 11 three okay um they just keep coming these voicemails and i don't want to stop them because i enjoy getting them yeah but on the other hand this family has to figure out this is not the right number right how do you not know that by the 10th message and this person hasn't called you back make a note 44 14 i got it that's a really loud bump i'll try to get that out all right here we go uh 11 three course what happened so talk to sunday anything call me well it's probably so interesting because my whole life i've grown up with spanglish and it's so interesting to hear other people farce licks but here's the

thing i grew up around a lot of persians and it i think her tongue is lazy lazy because i've heard a lot of farcee growing up and she doesn't really in that isn't me or she's not in this look she keeps leaving you nothing else so 2011 the passport i heard that so it's her passport all right that's why i can't it's supposed to be very very funny very very funny she was going to movies yeah well this is Encino that's what she said i grew up there that's where i heard a ton of course god another one okay let's go

i don't have a rule it's so funny that she goes i got your text yeah your text but i call a different number every time can't wait can't she connect the dots lady you'd think she put it together and then i keep getting ones for this other woman these nursing opportunities in florida that's not even the last one from the lady oh my god i hope these messages i hope this one is all like how come you never fucking call me back i keep leaving you messages you bitch i left you five messages you never fucking call me back come on she's going through a call-out i called you yesterday i called you tuesday

that's calling you talk to soon yeah take care of yourself see you soon she's coming she should be here in a minute and i'm gonna take your time i am i think this is a parent what do you think a parent or child yeah there's talk of like how does she not know her kid's number my mom didn't know mine for eight years do you feel like that like uh it's kind of it is fascinating right to to like when you think about how we can communicate like that right now what we're saying the words coming out of our mouths right now yeah sound like that to somebody they're like i don't the fuck yeah blah blah it's just sounds

together but it makes sense to certain people's ears yeah it's so it's so bananas the way we communicate and that that is perfectly understandable to somebody else i know i think that she does have lazy flow yeah she she reminds me of mace remember mace the rapper he's got that lazy flow yeah yeah her tongue is lazy for yeah because i remember hearing like them yelling a lot in my apartment building yeah when i grew up in more precise and seno yeah you you fucking hear that yeah the junes and the let's hear about this nursing opportunity she knows it's just she knows she gets even she gets voicemails constantly you've had no you've had people calling for a guy that was on the run adis and he was like yeah like clearly

a drug addict and like he has abandoned all his family and yeah he's shrink called yeah i know the court called like he's the court ordered therapy then this dirka dirka stand lady and then now we have shana she gets a lot of opportunities my name is friend and i am reaching out to you because i currently have some great opportunities at cedar sign i pain over $50 an hour i'd love over the details with you give me a call at your earliest convenience when but that's from florida it's from bokeh the call she said cedar sign i i know but i guess there's a cedar's there the numbers from bokeh yeah you're right but it could be the like head hunter company yeah they call whenever from whenever that call comes in from bokeh i'm like oh it's for shana's i better save this

are you just let it go i just let it go what am i gonna do yeah it's amazing yeah well there you go oh what a life that number has lived man it's so exciting and then i've been getting um texts from nate still for the massage and everything well it's like i i should come over wink wink yeah he he tried to make contact just recently didn't you finally get his um who he thinks it is that's another name too yeah greetings this is nate how are you today right how are you feeling hope you're better i think i can make you feel better with a massage like a wink face too right let me know if i'm you know i'm free tonight and then he wrote back later like how you doing um so i'm trying to find the uh i thought i thought nate um also threw out another name

i think to who he thought it was sally sally yeah shana's sally durka durka adis yeah so by so october 27th is when nate drops that i can give you a massage and then november 4th he comes back with a hey sally greetings sally how are you like sally but fucking made me the cold shoulder by now yeah but he's persistent is there any more is it the last that's the last i've heard from nate um i don't want to leave him on so i don't answer him uh it's so much fun this phone number's been too much fun jeez i get more stuff for other people than for me yeah people know better than to call me god yeah and there you go well you want to talk about the big uh monica you got a joe announcement

oh my god yeah for his award-winning body of work on television and in the movies but this morning he's here to talk about something immensely personal and private charlie good morning good to see you good to see you man how you been good good good thank you so much it's my pleasure we've spoken a lot over the last couple of days and let me just like first and foremost that your producing team uh katie disler and uh the zim have been awesome thank you thank you yes um as as as of you thank you yeah we just absolute compassion and and uh oh boy it's it's it just means the world thank you thank you we you know there are a lot of rumors sure out there right now and what is it charlie rest them head on so i'll i'll give it to you go i have to yeah um

i'm here to admit that i am in fact HIV positive um and i um i i i have to put us a stop this this onslaught um this this barrage of of uh of of attacks and of of of of subtruths wow all right wait how how is he the victim already it's like he no i think i think what's been happening is that this um so what to kind of give you a quick summary of some things apparently over the years with him having these the voracious sexual appetite that he does he's had sex with a lot of people and some of them people either he slept with or close to him have become informed of what he uh suffers from being HIV positive and they have he's been paying like blackmail money to a lot of people oh right i've heard about this to not let the cat out of the right and then um

what's it called the inquirer was going to do a massive or i think they're still doing like eight page spread on this and it comes out tomorrow so the reason that he came out with this in this interview was to basically fuck them on because they i mean rightfully so he's like you know instead of giving them the uh the huge scoop he he'd try to jump ahead of it so that basically didn't benefit them as much right because they're scumbags as we all but i think his victim posturing is is a consistent theme in his life if you listen to him it's it's he never takes responsibility for things yeah he's always the victim of something he's he's a specific pos this guy's a real special uh pos he is he is a very special pos and then i like how he flatters laura

from the i just want to thank you all do your compassion like oh boy okay yeah it's really interesting i mean this was the uh the news that came out today and there was discussion of this last week um last week the conversation was there's supposedly a big name actor who's right now with this and people were guessing i didn't even play the guessing game i just kind of let it go um but it's him it's it's confirmed the scary thing is um you know with a guy that leaves his lifestyle how many people possibly he's infected which this story is just gonna grow because he's a real savage and he has had sex with you know hundreds if not thousands of women yeah and who knows you know he said that like ever since he was diagnosed in 2011 he

he always informed partners and always you know war protection but he didn't with a couple people who knew that he was like they knew what they were getting into right and then he claims that his physicians yeah and they were under the care of his physician which i don't even understand that like that doesn't make any sense to me that you go well but my doctor said my doctor said he would make sure that they showered real quick so you know what does that even mean they're under my my my doctor gave us such a lying liar face brie olson was talking about how they were using lambskin condoms which doesn't prevent std it doesn't provide std protection so he never told her and they were living together he's crazy could you imagine and here's the thing

lots of people live with hiv obviously they live long lives you can it's totally it's not like it was in 1980 you know for whatever it's and you can have a sex life if you fucking tell people asshole how scared would you be though to sleep with somebody with hiv yeah kind of jeez but like i mean i'm just being honest of course but any any sexually transmitted disease like you you have an obligation to tell people dude oh my god you're fucking ruining people's you know lives potentially here it's really he's a real pos and it's amazing how he just he never gets fired from the stupid sitcom because he made it well he did get fired oh then he but he's back now isn't he on the show again well he's not on two and a half man he was

on uh anger management right right but he got another fucking thing that well anger management had this really interesting i remember this when this was um when this was done anger management i guess it's over i thought yeah he made them or the only way he would sign on to do it they had to order 90 episodes which is so crazy to have that kind of juice yeah um and then let's see yeah it ended after its hundred episodes so they made enough episodes for syndication yeah but that let's see that premiered 2012 yeah so he knew he was hiv positive doing this show not that that means anything but man they did a hundred episodes in like two years so crazy anyways yeah the guy you know he knows how to make money on television i think that's crazy like um

that he's one of those guys and it's so interesting how in entertainment if you're in entertainment and you're good at it and people like what you do and you make money you can get away with being a real fucking p.o.s and i don't mean of course nothing to do with this i'm talking all the previous like other p.o.s is the woody allen no i'm talking about like sheen's previous stuff like i'm fucking pulling a knife out on his wife and dude beating the shit out of her he is the worst record for a human being and people just keep giving him jobs popular we're shooting on monday right yeah beating beating up his ex-wife and yeah the guy's a fucking nightmare and they keep scatting work i know he keeps getting more woody allen can have sex with his adopted daughter

well he's got another movie coming out like okay cool yeah the cause that p.o.s he's a real dude we were looking at his website the other night like life goes on for bill cosby didn't didn't even fucking break that guy's stride just like yep i'm touring i'm still still in the game if you ever hear uh charlie sheen's uh big word voicemails yeah i remember when those came out yeah and then there's that you're so unlikable bro and still it's so bad yeah we can't hear it the qualities dog shit yeah but he's um drop he calls her big words yeah i remember that this is his ex-wife he's calling yeah like what dude that doesn't even but he's a crazy addict you know crazy behavior yeah but it's like it's like you know

i feel badly i mean you know that's not for all the people he didn't inform no i feel bad that he got it too i mean it's not like something you want someone good are you referring to my tweet uh what what'd you write you shitties what'd you do you're the worst did you do something you're the worst i got a little bit of heat on this a lot of blowback and and and very um very harmful and and and and mercurial stories that that that that are about the that threatening the health of of so many others which is which is couldn't be farther from the truth i want to talk about those in a second how many people have you told about this um i've told enough that i trusted to uh be in the in the position in the situation that i'm that i'm in today people you

thought you could trust at the time absolutely absolutely yeah um anyway would you when i would just well okay well i found out we're at the house and i offhandedly commented i was like well too bad it isn't cosby who got the hiv because you know would that be really upsetting for anybody and people got really mad i i tweeted was really hoping it was cosby who got hib but still happy at sheen and a lot of support on that a lot of retweets a lot of likes and then a lot of blowback today so funny to me when people you know when what they're what they really want to get fired up up about is a tweet like right it's like it's just like you said a joke right someone's like this is where i'm going to stand up to someone i'm crossing the line how dare you

i saw that guy that was like and that will be an unfollow for me classy post a lot of very upset people yeah unreal boy yeah he's a fucking pos you need you need help asap hashtag not cool people are so upset and it's you know it's just it's a tweet guys we're referring to the hundred and one of the 149 characters 140 who gives a shit about anything anyone says i know why do you care you know anyway i talk about i'm that's deep bro this week being offended in the psychology behind it and why people claim to be offended by something even and not only that why they want to get you fired or in trouble for it feels good right oh they some sanctimonious pos did that to me tagged a former employer a network that oh really shows on

and you know oh she has a show on big words like you're gonna you really think you're gonna punish me for a fucking two sentences i wrote it's so dumb they tagged you in that they tagged yeah of course that's hilarious when i did ari show this is not happening some guy tagged comedy central letting them know that they were offended by my story it's like dude okay it's a it's a whole culture of being offended now it is it's total dog shit it's a cowardly and then these people will never say this shit to your face never in a million years and when you actually confront them on twitter a lot of times they backpedal yeah oh i'm sorry i didn't mean that okay then why did you fucking say that to me man weirdo you want to hear something totally retarded by the way

so ben Carson the right wing retired neurosurgeon who's running for president released a radio ad and tell me do you think there's something interesting about this ad this is his first radio ad that he's made america became a great nation early on not because it was flooded with politicians but because it was flooded people understood the value of personal responsibility hard work creativity innovation and that's what will get us the right track now i'm very hopeful that i'm not the only one who's willing to pick up the baton of freedom because freedom is not free and we must fight for it every day every one of us must fight for it

because we're fighting for our children in the next generation if we're gonna get america back on track we gotta vote ben carston the matter of fact go out and vote i'm ben carston and i approve this message oh shit do you understand what was happening there yeah that he did that like hey man we got to show black people that they should vote for me so let's do a cool rap black heels to the blacks it's really horrifying yeah everything about that ad do you understand that they do understand that it's really um um pandery pandery to the to a degree that is like it it's hard to fucking process and make words come out of my mouth like that's so bad yeah that it was vote you'll be awesome like it is oh that's pretty embarrassing so gross that's a

who falls for it does anyone really i guess oh it's a hip hop song it's pretty awful dude god it just everything sucks hard to talk after that yeah when i mean i i can't believe he says vote and support ben carston to be our next president it'll be awesome i think it just it it offends me that that this yeah offended that that this is a tactic that someone's so stupid behind the scenes things like this will work like make this you know make this make this rap song for them well it's the result of the endless marketing the endless poll taking the endless demographic you know the the analysis of what people really want kind of thing well it's the over over i see it as something as the as the

cheapest move of like his campaign being like you need more black votes make a rap song like that's what they did well because all black people they love rap right all of except for ben carston that's for sure he does not like rap yeah yeah it's god it's just so gross it is so gross then it'd be awesome like dude you it's disrespectful the way you made of course it's fucking embarrassing yeah he should be embarrassed i don't think he is you should be embarrassed mother fuckers well that was the last week's girl tracy you know her yeah she's pretty bad she's fucking terrible too yeah everything's terrible tom everything is you know what i had the other week when you weren't here i was in the living

room with the dogs and i had a fart that smelled so bad that i i didn't know if it was me or if one of the dogs took a shit in the carpet wow i'm serious and i'm not even this is not like a joke i got up and i was like the fucking dog take a shit in here and i was like oh no it's me really isn't that amazing but didn't your fart and like tell you like it might be your fart you know i mean like when you farted and you go maybe that's that well that's the thing they smell so different these days i didn't i can't really tell so you thought it was an animal i thought it was an animal eats kibble out of a bowl poof glad i wasn't around for that one i also had another one to tell you exactly what causes that kind of fart i had a brown epiphany and i just

you know you've been holding on to this you said i you were gonna tell me earlier but you're like i want to save it for the show well let's hear it i fear i may have actually let the cat out of the back i i just don't know i was so excited the day that this happened but okay have you this is kind of like an addendum to the yellow brown yellow conversation okay which we've gotten so much feedback a lot of feedback on that did you make notice some of it is some of it in this document yeah there's no google docs um but i wanted to before we get to that tom have you ever tummy have you ever brown and then yellow and brown well that too but we were made in brown and it feels like like a small to average like average to small underwhelming brown

but then you look in the bowl and it's like an enormous amount of brown and you're like whoa that didn't even feel like anything to write home about but then you look in the toilet and lots to write about uh-huh even if you had that happen no don't lie i've never looked in the bowl stop it i don't look in the bowl why do you lie i never look in the bowl you have to look in the bowl we've talked about this countless times i don't do it but why not it just doesn't feel comfortable babe you have to look in the bowl i don't have to see if you're sick or everything's don't do it i never do it well then how do you know if it was a four point five um sometimes no i can like i feel what's coming out you know i can feel it you feel it's a hot steamer

you can feel when it's you know a grinder you can feel when it's explosive i'm just i go by feel i think you should start looking at your brown you'll be surprised i'll be surprised by what all the treats i find all the trash well because i made a brown and i was like that's that's under why is there a shrimp nebler right there why do you have that in your hand why is that ear there's a toenail clipper on our desk what the fuck is that doing here i don't know it's in my hand now okay i have no idea maybe it was in my purse or something um shrimp nebler that's what you should call toenail clippers and it's funny um i'm really upset that you don't i don't look at my brown that's so stupid i brown i hit flush immediately every time that's stupid i do are you

afraid of offending me with the smells no i just don't i mean it's just my routine it's just like that joke i tell it's that's exactly the truth when you spray the bowl and then i flush you go what am i supposed to look at every individual piece oh snap you know you forgot that i'm in control of the board here no don't you want to hear some of your jokes no please no let's play a couple no tom no can i can i read about the yellow brown yellow let's play a few no please don't i hate myself please please just a little bit no have you ever had a brown that has varied at least two levels or more from start to finish hello um thing like no tom you were making fun of my joke you know what i said about your naplex special what i take it

i just adore please come on don't do all right i'm making me upset well you you were making fun of me so i made fun of you you make fun of my bits all the time no i don't yeah ha no i don't you'll be like hey bro this is cheap or whatever what yeah what do i do he always make fun of my bits why do you come on man remember you always put your hands up and you did where we get the crayons in the box oh stop it all right do you want to hear this yes please tell me what is it okay this guy says that he's been browning for 30 years now but sometimes he experiences it's slightly different sometimes i will fully drop off all my brown continue sitting on the toilet for 45 minutes or so as one does and then get up and wipe once my legs fall asleep who hasn't done

that when this happens as i stand up a little bit of yellow will trickle from my doodle onto my underwear no i know what you're saying that's not what we're talking about but please hear me out because this is a very serious topic now after that a little bit of peepee trickles from my doodle i will feel like okay yes i don't understand i i i really feels like an asperger's patient is reading something right now like what are you saying you're like you're not pausing it it's like one long sentence what are you saying he's basically saying that he makes he makes a yellow brown and then like a trickle of yellow yeah and then how wash his hands okay and he's saying after he washes his hands right that yellow feeling will once again wash over me signaling that yellow must come out

so he takes his doodle out and he pees in the urinal i've had that happen yeah not a lot not every time but it's happened like you're fully you made yellow you may brown you're washing your hands and then you have that thing it's like it's like when you go the movie's about to start and you're like do i do i have to pee i go i gotta pee no but is there a little bit of pee where if i let this pee out it'll ease my anxiety of feeling like i have to pee and it just becomes a little tiny bit you know sometimes it's like the flight's about to land you know oh god yeah do i have a lot of pee no but do i want to have to try to pee after we land or do i get this little bit of pee out now i got that anxiety when the plane takes off because it's like but time i can go to

pee and take off my seatbelt i'm gonna have to pee a lot harder like i should pee now you know what i mean like i should pee a lot harder like i should pee now when i feel it just a little bit because then once the plane taxi you know you know how long that's going to be yeah okay also sometimes i've gotten sometimes i've got when i have diarrhea and i'll feel like i'll yell out and then with diarrhea and then the yellow comes harder like you really feel like you have to yell out because you have that too but you make a lot more you know i'm a little i'm a little confused i'm not gonna lie i feel like this is all an extension of last week no because i'm just trying to share

this it's true though but now you're saying diarrhea when i have diarrhea then i always have to make yellow after and sometimes i'll get up and i won't know i have to yellow and then i'll be like oh i have to yellow you've never had that happen i think i'm just a little confused by what you're trying to say okay sorry jeez you diarrhea and then like minutes later you're like oh i have to yellow okay that's what i'm saying but you should have yellowed and brown at the same time i don't think you're understanding the nuances of what i'm trying to say i don't think you understand the nuance okay um here's a question an interesting question is this have you ever had a brown that has varied at least two levels or more from start to finish

you know what does that mean he says begins as benevolent 3.5 but oh yeah of course by the way never goes the other direction yeah no it doesn't it starts off normal and it gets mushy he's willing to submit a claim that no one has started to six or seven and finished off as a three or four that's so true oh my god yeah because you could start low on the Bristol stall but you can't start high and then go and then he he else he also wants to know how do you classify that brown if it's varying so dramatically in one direction do you go with the lowest number do you go with what most of it was or do you simply average it was thanks Caleb uh really really interesting wow that's actually a good question it's a really good question and i would i would propose that

multiple experts weigh in on it myself as an expert i think you go with it the answer is it's what it ended up as i disagree i disagree i'm one of the leading people in this field i've been chairman of the board for 15 plus years i have tenure i'm just saying that in our school it's however it ends i disagree entirely i think that what you're doing you're just going by the end you got to average all the numbers yeah because you're talking about the whole brown experience the tb like those cnn shows people in different squares yeah everybody go to christina uh in los angeles christina how do you feel about the browns how do they qualify why how do you measure them well tom it was a really impressive game but i think at the end of the day we got to average

all three of the brown numbers into one from the tb the total brown experience not just the end result the end result is where you're currently at so we would completely dismiss wherever your brown started and we would just consider wherever your brown ends to be your current brown status that's your your cbs so the cbs is really what's important when it comes to picking a number well tom let me ask you this when you watch your football game do you only watch the last quarter it's the most important quarter for sure because you're determining who wins and who loses the game and that's how we came up with the cbs it's it's you know do you play just to play or do you want to win the game right um thanks for having me don still the whole experience i would take into

consideration i guess we're just gonna have to agree to disagree tom agree to disagree indeed indeed um this by the way interesting video that came in maybe want to give it a listen my name is tracy kiss and i'm a beauty vlogger and i originally wrote about the semen facial just a very year ago now and it's received quite a response worldwide i think it's important to follow that up and actually speak about um how the process is done and what it achieves because i guess from the media from kind of first impressions it can be quite a taboo subject really taboo so she puts semen on her face yep not the first one on this show no a lot of listeners do that but

this lady is part of her beauty regimen oh boy regimen um let's see what she says there are no added chemicals no harshness uh it's as active and live and natural as you could possibly have um and if that makes babies you know semen builds babies they come out very soft they have beautiful skin it also leaves my skin nice and soft um so i'm all right i'm gonna throw up already it's i will show you that the part i'll also please tom is she showing you yes um so who's your supplier i don't know oh oh dude let me see oh dude oh this i believe is a little too long two donations two donations um as you can see it's quite loose oh god so he's very well hydrated and oh god frequently um semen will differ in consistency so depending on how i

give her one of mine um it's always good to have fresh fruit vegetables um and to eat well thin and healthy do i remind you i guess i'm not a candidate directly affects what comes out so i'm going to begin by using wet wipes to um clean my hands and make sure they're safe because i apply this directly with my fingers she's fucking out of her mind dude i think she's a crazy person for sure if you um end up with this chick do you tell her like stop putting semen on your face please or at least use mine um you may want to use a cotton bud but i think that it's revised okay i can't it's so hard to even fathom please put it straight on the bed oh my god oh wiping on her face right now she's dangling it with her fingers oh god i like the music in the background

so it's a spa it's so hard to watch oh my god i'm tearing up let me see let me see then i just apply it directly to the face just rubbing jizz into her face right now dude oh get your luck it's all goopy and she's like gooping it i'm gonna throw up too can you know oh god this is so disgusting i find that um a circular motion works best she's such an animal god damn it give me my reward i want to see all the comb on my face so i can lick it up oh yeah make sure it's hot i want a lot it's a lot do you think this one why doesn't she do it this way this is a much cooler way to do it do you think she has trouble fighting donors i wonder how she gets her donors maybe i got to watch this

whole video dude please don't no i want to hear if she's like you know i asked my friend carl or like how she goes about it brick dude it's so gnarly i told you there was an article that came out in vice magazine like years and years ago where a woman took the challenge and rubbed semen on half of her face for like a month to see if it actually did anything positive yeah she ended up breaking it into a rash like it's really not good i seriously feel like after that trip that everyone deserves one of these because i feel like we did it to him mom mom why did you do that to me hey sorry guys sorry guys yeah hey tom did you want to um go over this list of uh my christmas wish list that yeah for you yeah i would like to go over it is it in that is it in the email it is

right yeah so this is courtesy of goop which is going with paltrow's um like lifestyle website she's she became famous for this a few years ago do you know about this yeah a few years ago there was a big black backlash no i think it was before she had goop it was um a magazine another magazine what more well known had her be like come up with a list for potential christmas gifts and there was a big pushback from a lot of people who were like who can get this stuff like who are you making this list for doesn't apply to most people because of the price tags well she's come a long way um why don't you go ahead and well i'll tell you you know even in oprah magazine a lot of her suggestions you're like oprah you're a gabbillionaire a gazabaza millionaire um and her her said oprah

will be like these are five hundred dollar slippers and you're like that's a lot but these are even worse so number one here is a uh toothpaste squeezer um the person who knows everything doesn't want to squeeze their own toothpaste out of the tube it's a chrome plated toothpaste squeezing contraption and how much do you how much would you pay for an item like that tom a chrome toothpaste squeezer um i don't fucking know like 25 bucks how about 244 get your life yeah get it every day do you like dumbbells dumbbells sure i have some dumbbells do you have 18 carat gold ones that's stupid it's only 125 000 come on she put that on her list yeah and urmese that's how you say that brand urmese mahjong set how much do you think that is i have no i don't even know what

mahjong is it's an asian game that asian game um how much is it 46 000 seriously who is this for who is this for i don't know that's a little richard branson do it yourself vaginal steamer that is something that a lot of ladies could use that one's reasonable that's 55 it's not bad that's that's reasonable um live the process corset unit hard it's just a fucking unit hard dude it's for working out okay uh 260 dollars for like a workout unit hard okay i'm good thank you yeah it's to pray toilet paper 956 dollars why why is it so much um this is fancy wrapped toilet paper the gold standard of toilet paper for the friend who truly has it all like you can wipe your ass with money basically it's so it's so sad right it's such a bummer it's a huge bummer i think

it makes me sad that she can probably afford all this dumb crap of course she can so crazy she's really um made a name for herself in this department so being a pretentious twat i think even even if you have the means it's i think it's just it's totally immoral to spend a thousand dollars on toilet paper yeah it's it's not right it's not it's just not right oh fuck babe why did you send this to me i'm scared of the call i was like oh my god i hate this a little bit oh oh oh oh oh oh god oh god oh god it's not as cold as that oh my god so they someone sent that in and i started to watch it and i couldn't finish it i wanted you to watch it for me what's happening now babe what's happening stop i don't like this stop this well you told me to play it this is not the

same clip is it oh you're right no it's a different clip i have to pee this all right hold on hold on you're the worst you know that oh how was your peachy it was good i farted it smells bad this is uh by the way the clip we were playing is a girl having cereal eaten out of her asshole not her butthole it's her vag isn't it no it's her butthole shut up yeah that's even worse of course and she has a some device holding her asshole wide open okay and it's full of cereal and they're pouring milk into it and or her asshole you sent this to me by the way a listener sent it in and i didn't want to watch all why did you even do why didn't you just pull the plug well because i thought there might be some funny audio in there yeah well here it is yeah keep going

oh my god it is i don't know if i can see the cereal floating yes when you laugh it's like a volcano it's why are they doing this i don't why are they doing this i don't understand why is this okay why is this fun tom why are people doing this some people there's just really cool chicks out there sometimes they do cool shit you know she's just cool it's intense dude i gotta close this page that's her asshole but yeah it's too much it's too much oh my god that is so so crazy it's so intense what is this here's an effucked list what is this one dude i'd just send them to you i don't even look at them anymore this is a effucked makes a lot of great um videos of a great editor over there and it's uh let's see this is a girl that loses

um a dildo in her asshole i don't know i think it's just uh the visual possibly because there's obviously a fun song playing oh okay so there's no audio yeah great thanks guys thanks guys for that one send us yes this is audio show yeah doesn't work the visual doesn't work all right uh oh there's this um story out of china that came in that apparently um in china the new trend is open crotch pants known as open crotch trousers or split pants they're worn by toddlers throughout mainland china often made of thick fabric they're designed with either an unsewn seam over the buttocks and crotch or a hole over the central buttocks both allow children to urinate and defecate without the pants being

lowered the kids squat or held by the parent eliminating the need for diapers holy cow it's it's done and the children are doing it in public places frequently astonishing foreign visitors uh that's just crazy yeah it's so they can just take a squad on the street yeah i think it's done more in the um kind of rural places than in the cities i should have so i don't know how this will help the kid stop like how you can toilet train a kid right or does it not make a difference no i'm i'm sure that makes a difference i don't think uh i don't think you should encourage your children just to shit anywhere in the street and stuff yeah i'm positive that's not how i mean

i've never potty trained a human but you know you want to encourage them to take it to somewhere not on the street wow yeah um they told you how much we like that guy co-commercial so yeah the final countdown and a guy did it on ukulele yeah it's cute right it's cute oh he did this a while ago this is oh i didn't realize that i thought it was because of the popularity of the commercial all right it's kind of annoying oh yeah this is um what is this lady who just makes songs about a vagina yeah how'd you find this the listener

submission it is okay it's her whole page has like a bad looks like just bad songs but they're all about a vagina yeah so it's kind of catchy right it's a really good song oh man you just opened up a whole world yeah it's kind of Caribbean-y i like that yeah she's definitely got the island flavor yeah this song is called bury your big muscular cock deeply inside my fanny it's really good babe she seems to latch on to one phrase and doesn't really progress past it though so

this one is called my bucket-sized pussy rolls the world in parentheses smelly vagina got you imagine what marley could do with these lyrics if he was still alive i know i was thinking the same thing um well here's the names of some songs she has uh erected dick pound my unwashed pussy in parentheses vaginal slit um ejaculate fast in my naked wet piss flaps judas don't fuck my pussy tonight cock blocker my fish odor vagina has polluted the air and in parentheses queen of sluts that one sounds like it's worth checking out maybe just for the here we go always the original music i got to tell her give her props on that

different beats for different songs smart yeah they don't all sound the same you don't want to get confused i kind of like this one watch out okay that's kind of a neat yeah i like that she sticks to one theme yeah well the one that you had me play first is called retarded disabled bloody vagina i didn't call it that but yeah that's the name of the song though sure is there's one called everybody urinate on me this girl's like a companion to gg alan like there's similar themes

yeah suck my acid smells and then you want to know the name of this one sure well let's see if the words give it away okay that's kind of a schizophrenic song well that song's called i don't wipe my ass i shit on bare floor wow wow this this girl's really talented she has my vagina is not racist this one's called i only wash my pussy once every year and drink the water that's a that's a real can we hear that one just just a taste there you go new beat never the same beat twice

she always wears her underwear and a t-shirt men are stupid men are stupid men are stupid i don't even respect them interesting um what do you think it sounds like to her in her ears you think what she sounds like she sounds like Shakira to herself and herself uh in her like in her ears she's like what do you mean what do i sound like i know what i sound like she thinks she's rad dude yeah this chick is rad in her her mind when when she starts um singing she hears yeah she's sister nancy yeah

i bum rushed a dj when i was at a club one time 10 plus years ago because this came out you know when you hear something you don't know what it is oh it's so good it was one of those moments where i go i actually can ask what this is so i didn't know and i ran up to the booth and the guys i go what is this what is this i gotta know what this is bought it that day this song is great it's fantastic this is uh iconic song um she goes i'm a lady i'm not done man yeah yeah totally

she thinks she's sister nancy dude i am the originator yeah when i went and we see vagina business business promiscuous i am the originator damn pretty good right can you play sister nancy to clean this palette i know right okay that's so fucking terrible i want let's hear something good i know it's so bad bomb here i want to roll up some trees right now let's see how old that song was so such a good 19 she born she was born offland wrestle on january 2nd 1962

oh really i would say this is probably what about 30 years old this song let me see discography hold on let's see you know i don't oh shit hold on bomb bomb it doesn't have the year on here really not in wikipedia but interesting but she's eight in the 80s is when she was doing her her thing which it sounds older to me i would get from 82 yeah but i would get recorded in like 65 or all right it has that vibe you don't know yeah i agree it's so classic wow what a fucking yeah it's a jam man what a cool cool fucking thing right yeah very cool all right we gotta get out of here jeans we gotta go home and watch bloodline man we just got into bloodline i know some people are you know that's old news to them but that's the great thing like

we're talking about netflix you know it's just there it's just yeah so but you and i tend to top on the bandwagon a few years later yeah and we're like have you guys heard of breaking bad yeah it's a real neat program i just got into homeland you did and i fucking lost my mind it's so good and i'm gonna get you into it i know i'm not even on board yet fuck it's good um where is this sorry i'm pulling this up i wanted to go out on that song that that guy made the guy in the mom song yeah it's funny mom mom yeah that's really why did you do that that's like a it's good disco good song good all right anything else jeans i love you guys love you and hopefully next week we'll have a huge huge and i mean the hugest shirt announcement ever that major news

it's major major it'll be chips in the bowl caps nibbling food we might have to come up with a new one for it yeah i think we should we gotta think on it yeah we really do because it's that it's that big of a deal um but that's it guys thanks for listening to show and we'll be back next week your mom's house podcast dot com as always and um that's it thanks jeans thanks jeans bye mommy jeans wow you