Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 331-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: February 17, 2016

Don't get it twisted, we might look, you know, DIFFERENT, but we are still hood as S**T and we will F**K yo ass up! Nah, we be playin, jeans. But some people are NOT playing and thankfully they record their messages for us.  Plus the mystery has been SOLVED. There's no more guessing when it comes to Hey, Hitler or Happy Birthday to, er, Nicholas. We have the indisputable results. They are disturbing, which is our favorite.  Plus Tommy is ambushed by a SURPRISE psychological review of his artwork. Is he well?  Never play games with Ghostface Killah or his goons. This audio should prove that to you. 

Alright, thank you David for sending these dope beats man. I love when you guys send your songs, your instrumentals. It's all great for the show. Thank you very much. Welcome to your mom's house. We are recording this again, a lot of you discovered the video for the first time last week. We're very excited to have video now of the show.

It's so incriminating. Now I can't roll in looking like total shit. Can you tell me how fat I look? Oh for fat old tired, thank you. You guys look like you just rolled out of bed. It is a good note by the way for big guys especially, when you wear a shirt that's too big for you, you look even fatter. That shirt was way too big.

It was too big. This is a shirt that fits, still fat, but not quite as fat. So still, hashtag still fat. Hashtag still fat. Not quite as fat. Let's see, next week I'll be in Fartnix, Arizona, at Stand Up Live, downtown Phoenix, the 26 and 27th, there's only four shows, so please get your tickets now. To come on me, Washington, Tacoma Comedy Club, March 10th through March 12th, there's already

a sold out show and that's a month from now. The Punchline Comedy Club in Sack in Your Mouth, Sacramento, 17th and through the 19th of March and then Cleveland Steamer, Hilarities Club in Cleveland Steamer, Ohio, March 31st through April 2nd and then finally in April, Spokane, what do you got for that? Sperm Can. That's what you said. Comedy Club in Spokane, in Sperm Can, Washington. There are more cities and dates coming through the rest of the year really, so as those come,

I'll announce them. Jeans? Anything? Yeah, so I'm doing a fundraiser with Marylin Rice Cub, Joe Rogan, Raj Kuby, Joe and I think Greg Fitzsimmons, March 9th at the Comedy Store at 8 o'clock, it's a fundraiser for a school. Oh, for a fire vehicle. Oh, for school.

What does that sound more noble now, like my bullshit school fundraiser sucks? I don't know. So come out and help because it's from, you know, Marylin's kid's school, I think is what that is for. Okay. April 1st and 2nd, Flip Hair's Comedy Club in Sperm Bank, California, 420. I met the Ventura Comedy Club Hitler's birthday. Thank you very much.

Oh man. Ventura Comedy Club 8 o'clock show, March 27th through 28th, La Jolla Comedy Store. It's all on 1000 Ranch.com. Check out That's Deep Bro, podcast.com. This week I have a psychotherapist on and we're discussing serendipity. It's not a Sandra Bullock movie. It's no, synchronicity, synchronicity, it's the random things coming together and they mean something.

Wasn't serendipity not with her? Wasn't that with Kate back in there? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. What happened to Kate back in Zale? Back in Zale. Not Zale. There's no Z in it.

Okay. What happened to her? She's anorexic. She's dead. She died? Oh my God. I didn't know she was dead. She doesn't eat.

I don't know. I really liked her though. She's British, yeah? Yeah. Did you do her accent quickly for her? I was, uh, you left it now in my glove. That's it. You left it, eh?

I can't wait to see you. Neither can I. I can't. Hmm. That's what John Cusack, that movie, the glove and my pussy movie. The glove and my pussy, and then she's like, yeah, have you wanted to see my cut this whole time? I can fit all five fingers of this glove in my asshole.

Yeah. Yeah. Guys, also, if you do your shopping on Amazon, I implore you to use our banner. Go to yourmomshousepodcast.com. Click on the banner at the bottom of the homepage and do your shopping as you normally would. It just helps the show, gives us a little money, helps us do things like keep the video cameras rolling, and there you go. Anything else?

Am I forgetting? Twitter. Agresina P. Twitter. At what's your name again? Tom Segura. Tom Segura. You got verified. Oh yeah, it's huge.

Um, I should also say all my tickets, if you haven't figured it out, tickets to my live shows, tomsegura.com, so don't forget. Wait, when did you get verified? I got verified a couple weeks ago. Why didn't you say anything to me? I feel like I did. I did tell you. Sorry, I'm totally.

Yeah, I told you. I should have thrown a party and. I had a party. You weren't there. Oh yeah, you weren't there. I had a great party. It was awesome. Everybody was having a good time.

Well, that's funny because I know what that's like. I've been verified since the beginning. Is your Facebook verified yet? No. Oh, that sucks. My Facebook's been verified for like a year. Maybe more. Why do you have to pot me like a bear when you.

Because I just want you to realize how much it must suck to not have a verified Facebook account. Well, I don't care. You know what we're both lacking? Not even on there. Instagram. Yeah, what's up? What's up with that?

What's up with her? I feel like that's a while away. Instagram, huh? I see the Instagram check marks and they have like 400,000 followers. Here's the thing, but by the time they get around to doing that, some other medium is going to. I know. Sucks.

Life is terrible. All about verifying. It's all about it. Yeah. Stupid. Stupid. Are you ready to start the show? I'm so ready.

There's so much. Hey, Hitler. Oh boy. Here we go. Shit without them eyelashes on that makeup one. A bitch of wear. I'm still kid as shit. Get the fuck out of here.

I might look a little bit more ching chong ching chong. Don't get me fucked up, bitch. I'm still hood as shit and will fuck your ass up. Okay. You want to fuck with my money, huh? You want to fuck with my money. This shit is big time. Who is Randy?

Don't bring anyone loving to this. No mom in the fucking stand. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segura. Tom Segura. And Christina Pazitzi. Christina Pazitzi.

Welcome to your mom's house. Okay. All right. Yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum. Tommy, do it. Make the sound. I like when you make the sound. You like when I make the sound?

Was that Angela Johnson? No. Didn't it sound like her nail bit? Yeah. She doesn't use that kind of language. She doesn't use that kind of language. You want to fuck with me? Do it.

Do it. You're the master of all accents. I can do any accent. Do this girl. Okay. Here we go. His paper is stuck in butter. Oh no.

Oh no. Yeah. She has a lot of videos that she makes and just puts up. Yeah. They always do. Who's that? Crazy people that make YouTube videos. Sounded like.

You think I'm referring to big words? Big words. Not what I meant. I just meant these lunatics that make videos. They always do. Not like. They always do. Big words.

I meant the mentally ill. Not. I didn't know what color. I haven't seen this. How would I know? I think you're the one that has. I think you understand what color we're talking about here. I think you're the one with bad thoughts.

Not me. I didn't know she was. I don't know which color she is. Okay. Okay. Oh, I know she's probably crazy. Like they all are. They certainly are.

No. Not like that. Not like that. Yeah. Yeah. That's yeah. I have not actually heard my voice in the conversation for nearly three years now. Three years now.

Three years now. Three years. Compensation. Yeah. This lady who you can't imagine what she looks like. I don't know. She could be Asian. She could be.

Of course she's Asian. Oh, okay. Yes, of course. That's why maybe you didn't. Well, maybe you didn't hear the portion of the clip where she goes. Ting-tong, ting-tong. That's what she's saying about herself. Ting-tong, ting-tong.

Okay. That's my favorite job. It's shit without them eyelashes on that makeup one. A bitch wear. I'm still kid as shit. Get the fuck out of here. I might look a little bit more. Ting-tong, ting-tong.

Don't get me fucked up, bitch. I'm still hood as shit and will fuck your ass up. Okay. You want to fuck with my money, huh? You want to fuck with my money. I don't know what is happening in that clip. So she's that's a Vietnamese accent. Yeah.

Yeah. That's what Angela Johnson. Yes. Yes. She has perfected that. You want to fuck with me, mom? You want to fuck with me? It's pretty good.

That fan used to do that too. Oh, right. Not really a stretch for him. Right. But he used to do it. Why is that, Tom? Because he heard it a lot at home. Is he one of those?

Is he one of those? They? Angela actually perfected an accent that's not native to her. Like you? Yeah. Well, she doesn't have the gift, but she's good at that one. Somebody wrote in asking you to do a Cajun accent. You want long nail?

You want short nail? You want long nail? You want long nail? You want to fuck with me, man? You want to fuck with me, man? You want to fuck with me? Ching chong, Ching chong. Ching chong, Ching chong.

Ching chong, Ching chong. Ching chong. Yeah. That's a nice way to do it. A succulent Chinese meal. Ching chong, Ching chong. Yeah. So she's saying, look, I'm sorry.

What the point of the narrative is. The camera's facing her. Sure. And she's like, don't get me fucked up, you know. Right. It's always something like that. Don't fuck with me. And she goes, so I might look a little more.

And she pulls her Asian eyes already more. And she goes. What? She goes. What, Tom? She goes like this with her own eyes. And she goes, I might look a little. Ching chong, Ching chong.

But I will fuck. Don't get it twisted. I'll fuck your ass. I'm gonna hurt his shit. That's what she says. Got you. I always forget the point of these videos. Right.

You get lost in them. Yeah. So wait, but her eyes are already what? And then she pulls them. I said she pulls her already Asian eyes. So she's Asian. And she does this with her eyes. And she says, I might look a little.

Ching chong, Ching chong. Like that. I smell a new bit for you. You got a new hour to build. Yeah, I do. What do you think I should say with that? I think you should come out. Ching chong, ping pong.

She doesn't say ping pong. Oh, you added that. That's for you. That's for you. Oh, you're tagging for me. You got it. Yeah. This girl has a lot of really good Asian clips.

Actually, they're not even Asians. She's Asian. And she makes a lot of videos. She seems like she is hood as shit. I don't know where she's from, but she acts like she's down. Usually the people making these videos are. What do you mean? All videos?

Not that bright. No, the ones that are like, I'm fucking this and that. You don't know me. I'm a dude. You're like, all right. I actually think this girl's pretty self-aware. Like Hay Hitler? Yeah, she's like a Hay Hitler vibe to her.

She actually, you know, she's. Hay Hitler. We got to talk about that in a moment. Oh, most definitely. Yeah. It's way different than I thought. It's grown. It's grown.

Hay Hitler's changed. It's grown quite a bit. Where'd this go? You don't know. I don't know. It is fucked. I'll fucking kill you. Like, what's the point of these?

What is the point? I don't know. Hay Hitler. I'll kill a bitch. I'm not on a chain, child. I cannot believe we didn't investigate that more. Hay Hitler? Yeah.

But let me finish with this girl first. Yeah. So my new favorite drop is this. Yeah. Did I do it good? Oh, someone's been boning up on her accents this weekend. That's been practicing a lot. Yeah.

Sounds like you're mocking her. No, I'm doing it exactly like she's doing it. It sounds like you're kind of... Big words. No. No. Okay. So here's another clip of hers.

I'd love to. Yeah. What does this genius have to offer us? Why are you insulting her like that? I'm sorry. You're right. I should have. Oh, I'm a bad mother because I make crazy ass videos.

But job bitch is out here sucking dicks for free. And go home and kiss your kids before you even brush your teeth. What? I say shit. She does have a good point. That's a good point. I know. Fuck.

Now I stand corrected. Yeah. Now you feel stupid? So stupid. Foolish. So wait. Bitches suck. She's saying you're a whore.

She said people are making fun of her for making crazy videos. Like you're a bad mother. You're saying that's wild shit. Right, right. But you hos are out there sucking dicks for free. Okay. And you're fucking going home and kissing your kids without even brushing your teeth. Snaps.

Snaps. Snaps. Boom. Yeah. Feel that brrrrr. You wanna fuck with my mom? You wanna fuck with my mom? I think what's interesting about these videos is like who's antagonizing you.

Who's threatening you. I think people make these videos where they talk a lot of shit when they feel powerless in their lives. Oh. So it's a form, it's an expression of rage in a way. It's like somebody hitting a heavy bag and beating the shit out of it. That's a way of physically do it. So if you're not doing it physically, you're doing it verbally.

Right. You're doing it to a camera to express maybe your rage and your lack of power. Yeah. I'm sure no one gives a fuck about her. That's what I'm thinking. What is your problem with her? No, no, no. I'm just saying that.

I think most people, they're not thinking about you. You know what I'm saying? Right. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? I do know what you're saying. People who make videos that go, if anyone wants to fuck with me, I'll fuck you up. Right.

That's it. Yeah. I don't mean to not like her. I like her. Yes. I just try to understand where she's coming from. Yeah. Yeah.

That's an awesome sound to make for the podcast. Well, it's also a video now. I know. But I mean, it's really cool for the audio quality. Two beverages. Like the guy from TMZ. Are you going to slurp like that? Yeah.

Why? Do what I want. I'll do what the fuck I want and nobody can tell me how to drink. Okay. So. Was that good? Yeah. That's good.

You do it now. Qingcheng. Qingcheng. Do it like she does it. Qingcheng. That's how she does it. That's how she does it. All right.

You want to feel me? No, I'm talking about. You know what I'm saying? So. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? If you know what I'm saying? No, I'm talking about.

If you know what I'm saying? Who's that? That's half ounce. Oh, okay. But that's a proper interview. Miam. Miam. Miam.

Yeah. There's a lot to get into. Yeah, the video, by the way, we put up the video of it and we had a profile shot going. We're trying this now just to really to get feedback from the viewers. So this is going to be a different angle. You can tell us in the comments what you think. Yeah. Tell us if you like this.

Do you like the other video angle more? Yeah. How do you want to watch us? Yeah. How do you want to watch the show? Split screen. Is that nice to do into the microphone? It's different.

It's different. I see your burp and I match it. I finally took a shit today, babe. I didn't shit yesterday, but I shit this morning. You didn't shit at all? Not yesterday. That's not good. No.

It was okay though. It came out normal. That's not normal at all. What happened? Yesterday? Yeah. I just forgot to take a dump. I don't know how that happened.

How do you forget? Just taking care of the kid. You and I were taking care of him all day and my dad came over and then just the day rolled and I forgot. I just didn't have the urge to shit. I don't know. Yeah. But it's okay.

I made up for it. You can stop worrying. I'm totally worried. Is everything all right now? Everything's fine. Is everything going to... It's okay. You can stop worrying.

Are you going to make it? Yeah. How was it? It was normal. It was just normal. I don't know. It was a clean break. There was nothing on the paper.

You know what? I feel like when our son shits, he's had some fucking disasters in his diapers lately. I feel like guilty just wiping it up and moving on with the diaper. I feel like we should shit to shower our son. You know what I mean? Just shit and then bathe him? Yeah. You might shit like six, seven times.

I know. You want to do that seven times a day? No. But there should be like a baby bidet that I can wash his asshole with. We bathe him. You want to do enough? Yeah. I'd like more.

My instincts are to bathe him immediately. Yeah. I mean, if I shit the way he shit and shit is all over my balls and my butt cheeks, I might be like, you know what? I'm going to jump in the shower after this. Right. That's what I'm saying. But we just use wipes and wipe that shit up.

He's got no hair. No. So you really are getting it off of his skin pretty clean. You shave it? What? Are you shaving our baby's hair off? I shave his legs and stuff. Yeah.

I shave his legs and his chest. I saw some peach flies on his arm, so I trimmed that. You cut it off good. I use clippers. What's that? You know what I've been wanting to ask you, when you breastfeed him, do you feel like going? Yeah.

Are you thirsty? Uh-huh. I want to breastfeed you here on this thickness and watch how you suck me dry. Look here. Oh, are you? Oh, that's sound. Come on, if you're thirsty. It's always the, oh, it gets me.

Oh, it's so gross. That's what I say. Oh, it's every time. It's so weird. So every time you get him, you go like, are you thirsty? Come here little head. Start to suck me dry. What is happening today?

You're really fired up. I like it. You like it? Do you think I'm saucy today? You're spicy. Spicy. Ooh. It gets saucy for me, Bernays.

You're really fired up. He's German. It reminds me of my dad's accent a little. I think that's why it's alarming to me. Yeah. Don't want one. Your dad came over yesterday. She's chilling, bro.

Did you like that? Yeah. He came over wearing like five neon colors. Did you notice? I was about to say it. Came out real player player. Like he had a bright neon orange jacket. And then like some like yellow flair in his shoes.

Another color shirt. Another color shorts. Another color socks. Another color glasses. Shades are yellow. He's like, yeah, I'm good. I'm good. I'm doing my thing for me.

I'm talking about you. You did not talk like that. His feathers. Here's your dad. He's got the homeboy Mitch. You know what I'm saying? He's a big star. Yeah, you know what I'm saying?

Mutual homie. Good motherfucker right there. You know what I'm saying? That's how I hear your dad. That's just how my dad talks. Yeah. How many other brothers and sisters do you have? What do you feel like?

What do you feel like when your dad was spitting game yesterday? That's so funny. Now that I'm a mom, like now that I'm a parent, it kind of doesn't affect me as much. It's like this weird thing happens where you forgive your parents for their personalities. You're like, I hear just crazy. That's fine. Yeah. You think he's crazy?

He's got a great personality. No, he's awesome. But you know what I mean? My dad's not like the all-American dad. He's got his own stuff happening. Very unconventional, let's say. Yeah. But fun, right?

Totally fun. He's like party dad. He is party dad. That's what I feel like your dad sounds like. It's so weird that he's talked like that. Yeah. Well, he was spitting game yesterday. Yeah.

Like plans, you know, world takeovers kind of shit. I know. He's in a really good mood though. He loves being a granddad. I think this has really changed him. He's really happy. He keeps talking about how good looking the kid is. He said it like 10 times when you left.

Yeah. He's like, this is a good looking kid. He's always like, some babe is so ugly. This babe is not ugly. He's a really good looking kid. And he goes, he's a big boy. Big boy. And I go, yeah, thank God, you know, it's like he's, you know, it makes you feel more comfortable

that he's getting sturdier. And he's like, but also as a man, you want your boy to be big. And I go, yeah. And he goes, yeah. I go, you know, I think we're going to put Alice into sports when he's a boy. And he goes, ah, that's a good idea. Maybe tennis. Tennis is good.

Money and tennis. So what about soccer? It goes suckers for poor people. I go, dad, we're not going to send him to Brazil in a favela to play. He's going to play, you know, in L.A. Yeah. Other kids. No, no, suckers for poor people.

Dennis is good. There's money in tennis. Yeah. How about martial arts? You think he's getting sponsored right away? Yeah. Like what are you talking about? He's not going to make a living.

Yeah. I go, what about martial arts? No money in martial arts. What is the money part? Dennis. I guess just like people with money play tennis. You got it. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, then golf too, I guess, right? We should sign him up for golf. So boring. Oh my God. What if that's his favorite sport? I thought about that. I mean, you never know.

I remember when we were, um, Probably this like over 10 years ago, my buddy read. I was about to have his first kid and they knew as a boy. He was like, I'm just excited, you know, go to baseball games, watch them play baseball. And I think one of the other guys Casey or somebody goes, uh, what if he doesn't like baseball and like, you can see it hit him in the head. Like, I'm going to think about that. He's like, well, what if he likes, what if he likes soccer?

He goes, well, I'm not going to go to the games, but I'll still love him. So he's not going to support his kid. Hey dad, I got a soccer game to get. I'll see you later. It's terrible. Yeah. He was, he was sold on that. Like I'm not going.

I'm not. It's too boring. What if our son is into something retarded that we don't like? Like what's the most boring thing to watch? Swimming. That's fucking boring. No swimming. I could watch because it's a race.

So race. I can get a race is always exciting. Uh, if he sucks at swimming, that would suck. Yeah. Like if he was like always laughs. Swim. Yeah. But no, I don't, I think it's when it's your kid.

You don't really care. I mean, I would, I would go watch him do anything. I mean, I'd watch him take a shit. Yeah. We do watch him take shit. That's true. All the time. Yeah.

That's my shit. That's my shit in our hand. I like, I kind of like it though. It's like he's doing something when he does. You can't do anything wrong kid. Whatever you want to do, we support you. God bless him. Oh wow.

You know. Did not say that. I actually meant to hit this. I'm talking about you feel me at me. Oh, but that button's right next to the other button. It is. Yeah. It is.

I'm putting a little marker on it. Your priorities. There you go. There you go. There you go. Okay. All right. Um.

Okay. Time's a go. Oh, I got to tell people this. Yeah. Real quick. Um, God bless you, but also to anybody that bought the. What? God blesses you.

Yeah. Anybody that got the cane shirt. Um, I've gotten a number of messages. We would try and respond to everybody. It was a pre-sale and a pre-sale, you know, you sell it up to a point and then they ship. So there's been a delay and for people that didn't know, I apologize. And here's what we're doing. To anybody that ordered a cane shirt, you're all getting an extra free item from our store.

Um, and that's how you, what it is, it's just going to come in there. Uh, but everybody, everybody that ordered one will get a free extra item to make up for the fact that a lot of people didn't know it was a pre-sale, even though it says it on the order form. Um, additionally, next week we should have a new, uh, shirt and it will not be a pre-sale. It'll be a shipping, a ship immediately order. Um, so hopefully we'll be ready to announce it next week. I'm not even announcing it until those are in stock.

Uh, it won't be a pre-sale, but I'm just letting you know now, if you got it, you're getting an extra free item to make up for, uh, any delay. We just wanted to point that out. Okay. Okay. Okay. What's the free item? Is it, did you shave some of your pubic hair off?

It is pubic hair. For Valentine's Day. I didn't want to tell anybody, but it's pubic hair. Yes. Do you think someone would pay a premium for Tom Segura's pubic hair? I would guess no. You've been getting a lot of, um, fan mail from gay dudes who are really into you. I must say that they're necessarily into pubic hair.

Yeah. We read, I read that. I sent you that one. I love it. I love fan mail from your gay fans that are like, you're gorgeous. Yeah. Fuck my stoma. Okay.

They're not saying, I agree with that. I agree with you guys. My husband is gorgeous. Yeah. And there was, um, one guy was like, please, if you, if you also, if you sell a show, please play a bear in the show. Yeah. He was like, um, we would love for you to come do this private event for us.

Oh, what's the private event? Okay. I don't know. Are the dudes at the private event? Are the dudes there? Are the dudes at? Yeah. There's a lot of, there's a lot of fanfare from that.

I don't mind it. No. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm talking about? That's check of cash. You know what I'm talking about? That's what's up. You know what I'm saying?

Hitler. Um, you want to talk about Hitler for a second? I'd like to address it. I feel like, uh, we, we did stumble in, you know what's interesting is that you and I fall in love with like the first part of clips and then we just completely forget to listen or pay attention. Yeah. Kind of like, came I, when we discovered her came I, we were just like enthralled with

her. We didn't even realize she was giving an anal tutorial and how crazy she was. What is also amazed with two gentlemen amaze? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. With long penis. Oh, we just didn't know.

We don't know what Hitler's about. Yeah. We like a phrase and then we run with it like idiots and then it could be something horrible. Yeah. Um, so one of the. Also amazed. What is also amazed. And I truly, that's what she says.

Like she's convincing you. I truly was satisfied. I didn't think I could be. Sounds like came one way to get from Thailand. Sounds like you're kind of. I was 15 years old. I love when you do her. I come from Thailand.

Do the gentlemen part. Gentleman. I was with two gentlemen. Wait, can you play? Can you, can you have it? Or I don't. Um, yeah. I got her.

Also with two. What is also. Also amazed. Amazed. Gentlemen with long. Long. Long. Hot.

Painted. Painted. Because she did the, that's the YouTube safe version. Yeah. I like that one better. And then on 60 plus mil. It's much more hardcore. Bitch, you ain't no mil.

It keeps calling my asshole. Is that her? Is that Kim A? No. No. It's just another cool chick. Stick your tongue in my asshole. Stick your tongue in my asshole.

Hi. I'm Kim Ann. I am a model. Yeah. Four. More. 60 plus milfs. I'm 63 years of age.

Yeah. This is my second time around here. And surprisingly. I have an experience with two young gentlemen. Who have a really, really huge penis. Oh God. Sorry. I feel a little faster.

I like her. And they truly satisfied me. Truly satisfied. She said that like, I couldn't believe it. They truly satisfied. I'm sorry. With two gentlemen. Especially what is amazed.

I was able to take a really, really hard long penis into my vagina. As well as my, what do you call that? And there is. Oh, her cadence is amazing. Yes. I love when people don't speak English natively taught. Because they do it so differently. So also like the little stuff, like making something plural when it's not.

Yeah. So funny. God damn foreigners. Gentleman's. Gentleman's. They're not gentlemen, sweetie. Those are gentlemen. You need to meet some gentlemen's.

Yeah. You got a real cute notion of gentlemen's. Well, back to Hitler. When Hey Hitler. First came on the scene. Yeah. It's like we just get, sometimes it's just like a drop. We don't really look into it.

We're just like, this is pretty funny. Hey Hitler. Oh my God. So we played that. And then people were saying, I think you guys are not hearing this correctly. She's saying, Hey Heather, Hey Hitler. Hey Hitler. Or Himmler.

Or Himmler. Right. Right. Right. Himmler. Let's not forget Himmler. He doesn't get as much attention. So then we go, okay, that's, it's debatable, right?

So then last week, another audio clip came to our attention, right? A blue band pulls it, sends it. Happy birthday to Nicholas. Happy birthday to Nicholas. So people are saying that's Nicholas. Other people like myself think it's. Big words. Lips.

Right. And people were like, no, no, no, it's, it's, you know, there's a debate. Well, what didn't occur to us until a few days ago was, well, let's look into these videos a little more. Yeah. The videos on her page, this is a girl named Danny. She has countless videos. I really don't know how many.

I don't know if there's a way to tell when you get to there. Maybe there is. Let's see. How many videos does she have? Can you tell when you just hit this? I don't know. Danny. Blue band.

Blue band. I can't really, I can't tell. Does the grid tell you? But it doesn't tell you how many though, right? Happy birthday to Nicholas. That's how many subscribers she has there. Anyways, it is a lot. It's a lot of videos.

Yeah. We're paging through it. Oh, wow. She's put up a ton of stuff. What's one of the first videos I see? Asking for Hitler's help. H-I-T-L-E-R. That's so crazy.

Hitler. Asking for his help. Hey, Hitler. It's me, Danny. I just wanted to tell you that Nathaniel- Okay, so we know Nathaniel's a problem. We talked about that before. Yeah.

A few videos later, the video is titled Asking for Hitler's help number two. Sure. So it's a second time. That's so weird. Hey, Hitler. It's me, Danny. Yep. I have a really big problem right now, and it has to deal with Smellin' Ellen.

New person. Oh, geez. Louis is stuck in Smellin' Ellen's belly button, and I'm trying to get him out, but I can't, so could you, like, help me out and get him out? How's the furor gonna help with this? Hey, I don't have furor at this time, because I'm having a really hard time getting him out. Of a belly button?

Here's the thing, too, is that there's only one Hitler. Like, after World War II, most people stopped naming their children Adolf or Hitler as a surname, so this is the furor. There's no other Hitler than one. And who else could help like that? I mean, obviously, I'm saying- Who else could help like that? After life, he must have some power.

They're probably evil powers, and maybe that's why she's, you know, praying in the dark lord. Yeah, I think she's saying Voldemort, you know? Right. Wow, maybe, yeah. That's interesting. She calls, by the way, so her name's Danny, and she refers to people that watch these videos and like her as Daniacs. That's great branding.

It is great branding. She's on top of a branding game. This is called, here's a video here called Warning About a Lesbian Video. I don't know what this is about. Hey, Hitler. No. All right. Oh, don't you need that when they put ads?

It ruins everybody's life. So I guess, isn't Louis Tomlinson, that's a guy from One Direction? Is that right? I don't know. I'm not a fan. Let's see, because she has a lot of, let's see, isn't English pop? Yeah, a member of the group One Direction. She has a lot of videos to him.

Let me see. So to Hitler, and then this guy from One Direction, those are her two vlogging. She has some, so Harry Styles, who I believe is another One Direction guy. That's really crazy. Hitler. Yeah. Vlogs to Hitler. Then she says, this is a video called Telling Louis Tomlinson I'm Pregnant Again.

Okay, okay. So you go through these, and then it says, Singing Happy Birthday to and in the title of the video. Big words. Lips. And it's on YouTube titled fully. It's on YouTube titled that way. The word is totally spelled out, not like asterix or, wow.

So now there's, there's no debate. It's not a very nice title, I think, even for your Daniacs. But here's the thing, much like, you know, she's just reading off what the person's name is. Is that her fault that she's, she's just repeating what's given her big words? Yeah, I don't know, man. I don't know. There's, there's so many videos. There's so many videos.

There's even one where she says something to Sophia Smith, and she's like, Sophia Smith is bad. And then she, and then the next video is called Eating Sophia Smith's Pussy. Really? Yeah. And she just licks the air. What the fuck? This chick is whacked.

Well, she's off her meds big time. Yeah. I don't know what's going on. Hey, Daniacs. Hey, Daniacs. You know, I usually don't talk about personal moments on YouTube because it's really personal, but I just have to say to those Daniacs who are like wanting to do personal moments, I basically don't like being on top because it's really uncomfortable from it.

On top. I don't know how to do annual sex. Annual? Yeah. I don't like being on top because it's really uncomfortable from it. Plus I don't know how to do annual sex. Annual sex. Maybe Hitler can help you with that.

I love being on the bottom just because the oral sex is a lot more comfortable for me. Because oral sex is a lot more comfortable. Annual sex is good for other people, but I just like the oral sex better. Oral? What about vaginal? Why are you leaving that out all together? I really don't usually talk about this stuff on YouTube just because there are kids on YouTube.

Tell them all about annual sex. Well, and the Hitler stuff is normal for you, but then annual sex is interesting choices we're making. Yeah. I wonder if Hitler could help you with the annual sex. And the click. Yeah. Finding the click.

Touch my click. Just lick that motherfucker right there. It's wrong with people. There's a video here called Asking Simon Cowell to Do Me a Favor. See, I don't know if this is reaching the people you're meeting this for. I don't think it is. I think nobody that you're targeting is actually... Hey, Simon.

Hey, Simon. See? I know you're actually a One Directions manager, but could you do me a favor really quick? Yeah, you got it. Like, I'm going to mail a gift to Louie for Valentine's Day, and if I do send a gift... I don't know. I mean, for her to think that Simon Cowell is going to get that, it's almost less likely

that Simon Cowell will help you than Hitler will. Yeah, I kind of agree. I don't understand why you think... Simon's a harder target. No one's looking for Hitler, but everyone's out for Simon. So, you really got to aim a little lower. Yeah, I don't know. I think you should start with maybe like a mayor, like a local dude.

Maybe somebody on the city council, and then be like, hey, will you help me get this guy out of a belly button that he's stuck in. Because Hitler and Simon Cowell are very busy guys. You know? Hitler, first of all, he's dead. Yeah. He has a lot of evil things to do. You can't bother and burden him with One Direction questions.

But oddly enough, I could see Hitler being like, I enjoy One Direction. Like, I could see him liking the band. I enjoy One Direction. One Direction is very entertaining. It's five white guys. I don't even know One Direction. Four half blue eyes, which is nice. But I don't really see...

Do you know their songs? No, I don't know their songs. But I know they're immensely... Oh, we can't play that on this show anyways. Yeah, I know. We should listen to them. Oh, yeah. And there's one here.

It's a nine second video. It says, turning Justin Bieber back into a male. I don't know. It'll turn Justin Bieber back into a male. Is this for Hitler? No, it's a spell. It says it's a spell. Okay.

She's doing... She does spells. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. It's a lot happening. You think if you had a kid that was like this, you may want to pay attention to the YouTube videos I'm making.

I'm interested about this right here because she has a video here where she talks about the yin-yang twins. Oh, I like those guys. Hey, Jinx. It's me, Jinx. Hey, Jinx. I just want to warn y'all that the yin-yang twins are like after y'all and the yin-yang twins are like trying to get to y'all and they're actually doing Amalia's dirty work.

So... Amalia? Who's dirty work? Mama Mia's dirty work. Mama Mia? Like an Abba? Yeah. Jesus.

It's her world. It's complicated. The yin-yang twins. Yeah, the yin-yang twins. One direction. Make the pussy twerk. Hitler, yeah. What is going on?

Y'all have houses like very y'all have houses at least three times. This is feeling very Shane Lee-ish. That was going to say that. And you know what's interesting? The common thread with all of these kooky shoes YouTubers? Yeah. Video quality. They never know how to produce a decent video.

Shane Lee, same problem. With the beeps and the boops. Yeah. And then the rappers, the fake rappers, the music beds always too high on their stuff. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. That's a sure sign of mental illness. Gotta do this for you real quick, sorry.

The mid-show break now. Does that need to be in there? It's a little overdone. It's a little overdone. Okay, so. It's a lot. We solved the Hitler-Nicholas debate. A lot of times advertisers have asked, they go, how do you feel about a pre-produced advertisement?

In other words, we just give you a file and you play it. And my feeling has always been, no, I think speaking directly to the audience with products that we actually use and endorse always works better. There's more of a connection. But there's this one ad that came in where it was pitched to us and I said, you know what? I think it'll still work for our audience, even though it's not us reading the copy, it's made and then we play it.

And so it's the first time I'm playing it here on the show and obviously if you guys don't like it, I'll tell them and we'll read the copy, but I just thought, let's give it a whirl. Our mid-show ad. You love delicious homemade desserts, but recipes can be complicated and take so long to make. Hi, Kathy Mitchell here with my new Dunk Cake Cookbook. Forget measuring.

Now you can easily make homemade desserts in minutes. It's as simple as dump and bake for delicious desserts every time, guaranteed. Watch this. Start with fruit, dump on your favorite cake mix and finish with a can of soda. Or you can use diet for a guilt-free dessert. Then just bake it in the oven for a delicious, ras and peach dump cake. Oh, so scrumptious. Look, your kids will devour this some more chocolate cake in a skillet and easy, here's

the cake mix, just up on the good side, chocolate chips, marshmallows, even chocolate cookies. Bake and voila, the best dessert ever. Now here's one of my favorites. Just dump syrup, sugar, cinnamon and nuts in a pan and then just layer in some biscuits for fresh, warm, sticky buns. Just like grandma used to make. There you go. I love this.

Do you know that the books are everywhere now, the dump cake, they're like at the pharmacy and stuff? Yeah. I love it. Well, I think we got the verdict. This is an ad we can play on the show. I think you like it. I like it.

I mean, hopefully the audience likes it. I feel good about it. What a great product. Yeah. Clever marketing. Yeah. Clever branding. Clever, clever, clever.

I don't know where you're going next, but do you want to play the thing that I brought in? Do you want to set this up because I don't really know. Tell them what you did. Well, on That's Deep Bro, I had a licensed psychotherapist on, Mark Barone was on and he's from Seattle and we talked about Carl Jung in Synchronicity and I thought, since I have a therapist on the line, why not have him assess your artwork and give an analysis on what he thinks is going on there.

This I legitimately, I've never heard. You just said, play this. I said, what am I playing? You go, oh, I'll just, just play it. Just play it. So you had him look at it. So this is a Skype session with a psychotherapist and we finished That's Deep Bro and I go, hey, one more thing.

Can you look at my husband's artwork and just tell me what you see in the art if it's normal. And did he pull up my Instagram? I emailed him a screen grab of, of the painting that you did, a comedy works. It's called Home at Last. Home at Last? I didn't know that. Yeah, it's the name of the painting.

So when you say the painting, I have to figure out which one. So this is what you did in Denver. Okay. This is, this is on Instagram so the listeners can go to your Instagram. Cigarette Tom. And look at this quote, painting artwork. And let's just see what a licensed psychotherapist says about what you drew. What does it signify?

So with me is Mark Barone. He is a licensed psychotherapist. Hi Mark. Hi Christina. Thank you for joining me. I really appreciate this. Yeah, thanks for having me on. Yeah.

So I just emailed you my husband's artwork that he did. He stayed in a condo in Denver and like all the comedians leave behind a piece of art for the home, the house that they stay in. And first of all, what are your credentials in the psychotherapy world? If you could just let us know your background. What's called an NMA, which means I have a master of arts in psych. So but basically you are a, you're a professional mental health person. Yes.

I've been doing this for a while. Okay. So I've sent you the artwork that we've been discussing. If you could take a look at it and just tell me, what do you see here? What would the mental health of a person making this type of artwork? What does it look like? And please be honest. Well, so there's, there's a lot of what I've never seen right away is there's a lot of

phallic energy here. Interesting. There's a, first of all, there's this gun that's pointed and I don't know if this is a self portrait or not. Oh, that's interesting. I think it might be. Yeah. So there's this gun with it, with a, with a, and it's purple, a purple gun with a red

kind of some fire kind of shooting out of the front of it. And then it's got this, it looks like a male figure space. So the gun is pointed towards his face and the other phallic element is that he's got a really long tongue that's hanging out as now. So it indicates that there's some, you know, maybe fear of this, of this energy. Maybe there's, there's this, there's a, the way that he's looking at it, the eyes, his eyes are really like bulging out. So it's like, there's this like, you know, fear, like obsession, you know, a dick obsession.

Yeah. This energy. Right. And then what's, what's interesting is that above his head and above the gun, there's this, there's this kind of half, half circle above him, which, which, which looks feminine, I would say. It's a dark sun. I told him, but just listen, and it's, and it's black.

And so that's kind of like hovering above him. So there's like this, this female energy, which is like, you know, dark and mysterious and powerful is above, is above him. And then, and then he's, he's kind of, you know, like bound by this, you know, this, his own energy, you know, and then there are these, these little figures down at the bottom. This, they kind of look like, like flames as well. They're bushes. They're bushes.

Well, I just, you know, the birthday. I'm sorry? When's your husband's birthday? April 16th. Four days from the fears. The scenaries? Yes. Ah, yeah.

So fire. He's a fiery guy. Very. So actually that. Can I tell you what I actually painted was my second option. Oh, really? What was the first one? Well, first of all, I should tell you this, the way that I drew that painting,

it's the way that I draw you too, with the bulging eye and the nose. It's my go-to profile. Yeah. Oh, I know. The, the first option that I was going to do, and I only had second thoughts. I was like, I don't know if they'll hang it up here. I was just going to draw a big cock with balls and have it just shooting jizz out onto the you know.

And isn't that interesting that Mark's assessment is that it's extremely phallic? Because the tongue is kind of a cock, kind of a sort of how I would have drawn it. There's, yeah, yeah. There's a dick shooting its load at you in your mouth. Yeah. Is it a self portrait? No. It's just some other guy.

It's always how I draw both of them. Sure. It'll continue, the neat part is this, the ominous. Yeah. I don't, by the way, I don't hear mental illness like you like to bring up. That black thing, he said it's supposed to represent the, it's the sun. Yeah. I got that too, but it looks, it's a black sun.

And it's, and it's shaped like a, it's kind of shaped like a breast. Right. An oppressive female breast energy. So it's like this, the oppressive energy kind of like dampen his fire. I wonder who that could be. What weird, huh? So Aries is a very masculine, fiery science. So I'm not surprised at all to get a little bit woo-woo about it.

How did you get this secret? I'm dampening your energy. It's the best. I feel it, I feel it, I feel it a lot. I'm really not surprised that, that there's this fiery, fiery energy there. Oh man. And I'm sorry. So that's what you see in those, those bushels, those things with fire.

Yeah. I think they're, they're a little kind of, which is a fire. Yeah. Like sexual energy, would you say? Sexual or creative energy. You know, they can be, they can be kind of one in the same. So you're dampening my creative spirit. Yes.

I'm breaking your spirit essentially. Like you have all this phallic energy. It's so nice to hear somebody else say it. I mean, that's what I've been trying to get out with my artwork. Right. Well, it's actually a little more than that. If you want to keep listening to Mark's assessments a little deeper. I would say maybe those are, often the, the energy I would say is usually

be identified as sexual in our culture. You know, there's this focus on, you know, man and you know, we'll just everybody, right? Everything, you know, the Freudian, I think, libidinal energy. You're redirecting it. You're creative. And I'm, I'm obviously squashing. You're the dark cloud above me.

Yes. Uh-huh. Okay. Down sex, right? So that's the narrative. I'm not saying that that's true, but so what he's really looking at is the gun, which really I think overtly represents sexuality. And then the little bunches of flames underneath it,

or maybe more just the creative energy that it's coursing through his veins all the time. Interesting. And then the oppressive, sorry. Does any of this make sense? No, I love it. And then the oppressive female figure that's dampening his sexual energy. Is that what you're saying? I don't know.

You know, I don't know if you have this dampening, but there's some fear. I think there's just maybe a little bit of fear. I love that. I've always been scared of you. I know. That's why I love it, that someone else sees it. Yeah. I love it.

I love your care. I love having an expert. Isn't it great? You should have Mark do more of your artwork. Yeah. And also, I'd like to have a gallery person assess it for value. See, and I wanted to get a real artist to critique it. And actually, I tried.

And I couldn't do it in time. I saw, by the way, that Shana recognized, like, real recognized real art talent. And then another artist used my piece for inspiration. Oh, right. That was great. Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. Okay. He did really. Did you see what he did? I did. It was amazing. It's really spectacular. It's so good.

It's so much better than yours. I reposted it on my Instagram. It is not so much better than mine. It's like a real artist did it, you know? Love it. Around the power, because, hey, come on. Women are powerful, right? Oh, you mean difficult because the drawing is fraught

with horrible things, terrifying things? Actually, I think it's great. I think he has a healthy, potentially healthy, youthful energy about him. That's interesting, because he is 57 years old. Is he? Yeah. What?

You wouldn't know. Does he have a little energy about him, though? Sometimes. Does he even correct him? Like the, you know... Yeah. Like the old man? He's very spry.

Yeah, he's very, very... You're horrible. So, yeah, you know, the ominous kind of breast above could be... You let him continue thinking I'm 57? You're a horrible person. Also, that's good fun. It could also just be, you know, that having to be... Having to be this adult, you know?

Interesting. Yeah, the power that tells him no to his penile desires, no. Having to conform to this idea of what an adult male is supposed to be. Interesting. So, yeah, that would make sense. He just... This is my husband's artwork and he just had a child with me. And, yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

So, there you go. And, you know, he's... Yeah, you know, it's the... What's hilarious is the tongue, the tongue that's hanging out, you know? It's just so whimsical, you know? It's just kind of... Whimsical. It's a code for something.

Funny. So, it's like, yeah. There's this ominous, like, have to be a parent that also, you know, being a useful kind of playing... This guy reminds me of my cousin, Briarye, the way he sounds. He's sweet. He's very sensitive. Should I keep going?

No, I mean, that's the assessment of your artwork. There's more detail if you want to listen to it later. I also asked him if you were normal because you watched so much murder. All the murder shows. Yeah. Do you want to know the answer? Sure. He said that actually, yes, because you're in touch with your dark side.

And that it's really a healthy expression of being in touch with one's dark side. So, there you go. I asked him to rate you on a scale of 1 to 10, your mental health. And he said, you know, in all fairness, he's like, I can't really do that because I kind of am familiar with both of you from the show, the podcast, and I can't do that, but I'd give him like an eight. Eight, meaning? On a scale of 1 to 10, your mental health.

Oh. He listens to this show? Yes. Oh. And he's familiar, you know? It's kind of biased. Sounds like he's a really cool guy. He's sweet, yeah.

You told him I'm 57? I did, yeah. Well, I thought he asked me, how old does he look? I've been all fairness. I forgot. Okay. So, just so he knows now, since he listens to this show, I am 36, and someone is having a big birthday this year.

Would you stop? Let's talk about the birthday that's coming up for you this year. I won't be able to see this birthday for a long time. This is really interesting. Thank you. What birthday do you have this year? 30. And then plus, how many?

Are you excited for it? 00:59:04,320 --> 00:59:05,120 That's a big one. Can I tell you what's devastating about it? What's devastating is that I only really have 10 decent years left, and then it's like the decline towards death, you know? You think so? Absolutely.

50 is, and then you're just on a downward to the grave. Yeah, the decline starts, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. But you can have a really good run. For 10 years? No, I think for about 20. Plus your second wife.

If you're in decent health, 50 to 70 is a really good run, I think. Okay. But then when are you going to get your second wife? I don't think that's going to happen until after 50. You think I have 10 years left on this marriage, and then you're going to get your 20-year-old? No, I would say 15 years. Oh, you and I have left? I think so.

And then you're going to trade me out? Yeah. Okay, that's not bad. That's not bad at all. It's a good run. A real good run. Okay. Yeah.

40, can you believe it? I never thought I'd see 40. I thought I'd be dead by now. Yeah. You know when you're 15 years old and you're like 40, man, wow. What do you think you're going to be with? I'll probably be like a million. A nice Puerto Rican guy?

Oh, my second marriage? Yeah. Well, I don't think you'll get married again. I think you're just going to have... I don't think I will. More Puerto Ricans. Yeah. Countless lovers.

Paramours. The few who love us. Pool boys and stuff? Yeah. I'll bang like hot young things. I won't, I can't marry after you. I love you too much. I would really be devastated if we divorced

for like a whole day or two, and then I'd have to find someone else to... Gross. How sad would you be if we split? I don't know. I didn't really think about it. What would you do? Seriously, would you even marry again?

I don't see myself marrying again. Too much. It's too horrible, right? Yeah. Why would I want to marry again? I don't want to marry. No, seriously. No, it's too much.

It's like, it's your whole life with this person. What I would do is probably, you know, you know, I'd probably go through like my intense, you know, intense like slut phase. Yeah, of course, normal. Right. So you go like, you know, you bang like a hundred sluts, and then you go,

I got to fucking keep it together. And then you find one that you're going to date for a while, and she's like, oh, I can't wait for my wedding day. And you go, see you later. Audios. On to the next one. Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

And then you're like... Honestly, it wasn't until... And this is like, this goes for almost all the moments in the scene. It wasn't until somebody was actually there telling me, you have two in you, or you have three in you, that like it actually kind of clicked. And I'm like, oh my God, this is actually happening.

I'm proud of myself. That'll be you. That'll be you after the divorce. Yeah, for sure. Two in me, three in me. No, you know what? I would just be alone a lot, drink a lot. And read?

Yeah, dude. Just quiet. I don't think I'd want to deal with dudes anymore. You know, you're all over it. I imagine, aren't you just fucking over it? Probably. 55. Fuck it, man.

Yeah. Just blow my brains out. No, I moved to Tahiti. That's what I would do, and just live on an island. I wouldn't even fuck with society anymore. Really? If we divorced to 55, I would go... Ellis will be grown, right?

Almost out. When he's in college, I'll go live in Tahiti. Yeah. And just live on the island. Just fish and read. Yeah, dude, wild out. Just get weird. Learn how to sew things.

Oh yeah, homesteading, whatever. I'll go get a bunch of plastic surgery. Big chompers, big old Steve Harvey's in my mouth. Hey, you're 22. I'm 55. How are you? I want your veneers to be extra big. I'll hang out at clubs in Vegas.

You guys want to have some drinks on me? I got a drink for everybody. And then be like, all guys buying us all drinks, guys. And I'll be like, I don't have like a silk shirt with a big like fire pattern on it. Oh yeah, you need the fire shirt. I just got a Ferrari. You want to see it?

That's the sad... You just described the saddest dude a lot. That's the saddest guy. It's the guy in the neighborhood that drives the yellow Ferrari. I got a houseboat. If you want to see it sometime. Dude, houseboat is the saddest divorced guy thing.

There's a sad divorce note. That's when you know you've blown it. Let him have a houseboat. See your kids every other weekend. Yeah, selling it. You got the houseboat. Pretty cool. Do you like the water?

Yeah. I think the fantasy is they're going to live like Miami Vice. Of course. You know, didn't he live on a houseboat with a crocodile or some bullshit? Dude, yeah. I feel like for some reason talking about it makes me feel like it's real.

I feel so sad right now. Oh, jeans. No, the houseboat. I'm saying the houseboat feels really written like... Not the divorce part. Yeah. No, not the divorce part. Well, no, because the houseboat feels like a divorce.

It is. Yeah, it's terrible. It's like, I got all my stuff here now. It's so just not... It's amazing how little you need to live. Yeah, Wi-Fi is overrated. Yeah, it rocks sometimes because it's a boat. I don't like a kitchen either.

I got this microwave. It works awesome. Everything's microwaved. I just eat at Arby's. Yeah. That is so depressing. It is depressing, man. Anyway, so did you like your art assessment?

That was really great. Thank you. What's his name? Mark. Mark. Sleep to private. Mark. Thank you very much, Mark.

I actually really did enjoy that. Yeah, and you can hear Mark on this week's episode of That's Deep Bro discussing synchronicity. Fun moment. And therapy, too. What's therapy and what's the point? Dump cake. Dump cake.

Yummy pineapple upside dump cake. Well, you get hair plugs, too. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but I want it to really thin out, like really, really go bald first and then do like... Like stabs in there. Looks like little stalks of celery all over my head.

Hey, girls. Yeah. The saddest is when you see that guy. I mean, I haven't been to a club in a long time, but I've been in clubs where you see, you know, or at the bar, that guy. Of course. What are you ladies drinking?

I got it. Let me go around for all them. Hair dyed jet black, nice and easy. Here's a good lesson for people. Also, single, married, divorced. It's all about sending the quality dick pic. Here are my top four rules to sending a girl a dick pic. Okay.

Rule number one. Make sure your dick not ashy. Nothing hurts my nerve more than that ashy ass dick. My nigga baby oil is $2. Get yourself together. That's a pretty good lesson. I didn't know dicks could get ashy. Well, you don't see enough black cocks.

Oh, true. But if you did, you'd see some are ashy. I wish I saw more. Even brown ones. Really? Yeah, sure. I didn't know. Rule number two.

Make sure your shit is hard. That's a good point. That's good for every race. Yeah. I did. Not like this. Like this. Because we're going to clown you to any and everybody.

Grandma, look at this little bad dick. I don't know what he was thinking. Girls are mean and petty. And that's the shit we do. That's how we look at your limp dick ass picture. We're going to clown you some more. Good, good advice. Right?

Yeah, I'd agree with that. Make sure it's hard. You don't want to see a soft dick. You know, I've never been sent a dick pic other than yours. Well, because we started dating around the time cell phones started. No. Cell phones started. Back in 84.

No, we did not date around the time. Cell phones just started. But were people sending dick pics in 2005? Yeah, but I probably it's probably not like today. Today. Yeah, it's yeah. No, it's a thing. Yeah, it's really much bigger now.

But I agree. It's like when we watch porn, nothing makes me angrier than a limp dick. Especially you. Get it hard before the scene. You've expressed this before. Well, I saw one of those like showtime behind the scenes pornos. And that's what the director got basically mad at the guy for. He's like, dude, I want you to pull it out ready to go.

And they gave him time alone. They're like, go get it ready. And the guy couldn't do it. So they killed the scene. Oh, wow. So no shooting today. It's a lot of pressure, though. I think it's a lot of pressure.

I'm ready to get in there, though. To get in the porn. Yeah. Is that your divorced career? Yeah, that's a good. I think it's a good second career. I think so, too. It's not a good one in the early like in your 20s,

but good for your 50s and stuff. Well, it's a niche market. They got that old man, young girl. That is that is it's also, you know what the hook could be? That it's a self-funded thing. In other words, not someone's not going to hire me, but maybe I produced them myself. Get a site, put it out there.

Hey, I'm 55. I'm recently divorced. I'm doing these pornoes now. What do you think? It's a great idea. Maybe could the good news is your parents will be dead. So no one they'll be dead. Our son will be in his sexual prime.

So be a good example for him. And then they also could also what? Send more people to my stand-up shows. It's always about selling more tickets. So you go, Hey, you like my porno? Come see me do stand-up. That's a really neat angle. Business savvy.

Rule number three. Brainy ass. Make sure she wants your dick pic. Ain't nothing worse than getting the unknown ass dick pic. Like, who are you? And who sent you with this limp ass she did? Save yourself the trouble. Get to know her.

Talk to her. How you long, bitch? Bitch. Yeah, you should. I think an unsolicited dick pic is not good, right? Like I said, I've never received and that's not a call. Don't send us your dick pics. Yeah, I know.

I don't know. I guess. Yeah. Right. Do you include the balls in a dick pic too? I don't think it's as important, but they're there. I'd like to know that they're there. You want.

Well, how would you mean what? How would the person saying you just like you mean like from above? Yeah, like I want to see the dick and the balls because I think balls are neglected and they're often just as important. So send those. Yeah. Let me see if those look high and tight. If they're not, I'm not interested.

I don't like droopy goat nuts. I don't like them hanging and sad. I'll ask my dad to send a picture of his. Is his balls really hanging? I saw them one time and I go, is everything all right? And he goes, with what? And I go, your ball bag looks like it's hanging down to your knees. They look like two pig nuts.

Seriously. They look like cinder blocks that are just in like a skin in a paper bag that's about to tear open. Do they hurt when they get that hanging? I don't think so. I don't think so. They look like they weigh a lot though. Rule number four, make sure your dick pic is memorable. Girls get 10 dick pics a day.

Make yours stand out like gift rapid. Stick it in the bowl of her favorite ice cream. Color your shit pic. Do something with it other than hold it. We don't want to see you hold it. I was still surprised that you don't think the unsolicited dick pic is a great thing to point. Nobody wants that. Oh, I don't want to see anybody's.

Which is the point she made. And you're like, unsolicited, it's got to be the worst I imagine. If you're a guy, don't send a girl just a dick pic thinking that it's going to be exciting. I think the whole proposition of sending a dick pic is ludicrous. Most women don't want to see a dick. What I'm saying is when you send an unsolicited one, you're really not just rolling the dice. You're at the risk of truly upsetting someone.

Legal action. Legal action. Also embarrassment. Why don't you make sure that your dick pic would be one? Or maybe she sends you a pic first. Here's a pair of scissors in my cooch. Now you send me your dick pic. Pair of scissors in my eye.

The dick pic is a very male thing, I think. Yeah, because they have dicks. Other guys. No, no, no. I'm saying like, you know who wants to receive a dick pic? Other dudes. Like it's not necessarily, I don't, at least from the women I know, we don't get that aroused by a picture of a cock.

Like it's not the same thing. It's not the same as guys also looking at naked women. Vagges, I assume. Yeah, like for us, it's not, I think we like to see a dick attached to a body. At least that's what, as a woman, show me the whole thing. Don't just send me your cock. Who cares? Plus the scale, you know, there's no scale in a picture.

So hold something next to your dick would be your show. That's a better point. Hold a can of soda next to your dick. Right. Some reference. Scale, yeah. Yeah, because I don't know. You can make it look enormous and it's not.

You're a liar. Yeah. Big fucking liar. Big fucking liar. Get a hairspray can. Yeah. There you go. Mm-hmm.

Wow. I've sent a few. Experience. Yeah, I'm on the road a lot. So let's see here. Oh, this came in. You know, you know about this guy, right? Martin, is it Shrekly?

Shrekly, what was his name? Martin. Shrekly. Shrekly. This is the guy who, he's the most hated man in America. He became really well known, I don't know, six, nine months ago when he says, when he, his, the company that he was a CEO of bought this patent on a pharmaceutical drug that helps like AIDS patients and it was selling for something like $12, $13 a pill,

something like maybe $7 a pill and he raised it to $700 a pill. Oh my God. And then there was this huge backlash. What a POS. He's kind of, yeah, kind of the biggest POS. Then not too long ago, he was arrested for a company that he used to work for, a hedge fund for like a Ponzi scheme there. Oh, wow.

So everybody was celebrating. Apparently there's a new thing here where he looks like he says, a friend of Kanye robbed him of $15 million. I don't know how that happened. Let's see, it says keeping his name in the headlines. There's a new, you know, Kanye out called the life of Pablo. So he made a $15 million offer for exclusive ownership of the album, but he put $450 million on the album only to be duped by a Bitcoin thief by the name of

De Kwan or De Kwan. He's writing, who the fuck has my $15 million? Someone named, so anyways. So he's saying that, you know, all this shit. Now he also, in addition to this, had a beef going with Ghostface because he's the guy. Do you remember that a few, like a year or so ago, Wu Tang decided to release an album that would only make one copy of? And it had like some crazy, you know, cabinet chest made, and it was one copy.

And then the person who bid on it would own that copy and they could do as they pleased with it. I didn't know that. That's kind of wacky. It's kind of a crazy idea. Well, he won. He owns it. This POS? This POS bought it for $2 million.

And then the idea, a lot of people thought that whoever would do it would buy it and then share the album, you know, because that would be the joy in having that altruistic human thing to do. Share the album. Well, he said he's never even listened to it and doesn't plan on sharing it. Wow, just to have it like this. Basically, like a, you know, like a villain. Like a sociopathic piece of shit that he is. So yeah, he's a he's a fucking.

Wow, what a cool guy. So this piece of shit, he's also tweeted some bullshit to Ghostface because Ghost said something about him. So he called him a, you know, I don't know, calling some type of asshole. He said, Ghost is mad that Shaolin outsold his last five albums. Dude's a nonprofit rapper, basically saying he doesn't sell records anymore. Talking shit. Well, there's somebody you don't want to talk shit to.

It's Ghostface killer, right? I don't know if you remember not too long over the summer, actually. Action Bronson made a kind of a slight dig at Ghostface and Ghost put out a video where he just eviscerated this guy for a full fucking, I don't know, 10 minutes. He just talked mad shit. And he's like, you got a big ass beard. One day I might sit that shit on fire. Yeah.

This is my favorite line ever. I might sit that shit on fire. And then he has his mean face looks like a fat kid. He's like, so Ghostface made a new video. This one is over 11 minutes long where he's talking shit to this super villain, POS, Martin, Shrekly, whatever. So here's some stuff from that. Let's go to the tape.

Why is that? Why are your goons not as hard as mine? Lift up your skirt, motherfucker. Yeah. Well, look. Yeah. Well, I don't know why. It's bleep.

But Martin says, why are your goons not as hard as mine? He goes, lift up your skirt, motherfucker. So already Ghostface wins the entire thing. Ghost, stop pretending. Stop acting. Stop lying. Yeah, man. Hey, yo, man, you hilarious, man.

You must be on riddling or something, man. You know what I mean? Take this out, man. It's like, yo, you a fake ass super villain, man. The man with the 12-year-old body. This is who he be. His name is Thorelli right there. When y'all see him, you know what I mean?

He does. He has built like a young man. Martin, the POS. Oh, his 12-year-old body. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's talking shit about his build. But you know, I don't even know how it came to this like this. It's Ghost versus Peter Pan in like 2016.

You know what I mean? All you can do right now is just try to fly away in front of my face, man. You know what I mean? But so this is where, this is here. Check this face out, man. Carved out nose, anything. You know what I'm saying? Walking around with fake goons like he's tough

and he ain't got a real bone in his body. You know what I mean? I do know what you mean. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. And then on top of that, you won't come at me after you don't put a routine album for $2 million acting like we washed up rappers.

They're like, I'm a washed up rapper, but you don't put a washed up rapper album for $2 million. Yeah. That's a great point. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's probably the best point. Because if you're talking shit to the guy

that you bought for $2 million. Yeah. Get your life. Get your entire life. So tell me one thing about you seriously. Because I'm wondering like, yo, man, was he jumping rope as a child? Was he playing hopscotch or eating ice cream with his fellas?

You know what I mean? Or having sleepovers with the boys? Do you understand? It's ghosts. What is he talking about? It's ghosts semi-coded way. I'm saying, are you gay? Oh, wait.

As a pet boy. Were you jumping rope as a child? Were you eating ice cream? Oh, oh, oh, oh. All those activities are gay? Yeah, for a little boy to do. Sometime I wonder about you seriously. Because I'm wondering like, yo, man,

was he jumping rope as a child? Was he playing hopscotch or eating ice cream with his fellas? You know what I mean? Or having sleepovers with the boys? You know what I'm saying? It's like, where did you go wrong at? That is fucking hilarious. You don't believe you.

The people don't believe you. I don't even believe you. You don't even believe in your own bones. Of course, though. You know what I mean? Because he did a video of him with his, you know, AKA his goons, like his bodyguards with him. Talking about, like, he has the same kind of street

crab that you might have. Or like, if you fuck with me, you're going to get them like, come on. Who fucks with this guy? Ghostface? Yo, you know what, Martin? You said to the people out there over American or over the world, they're not goons in as hard as yours.

Yeah. I'm about to show you something, man. Hold on. Here we go. Oh, by the way. You know what? This is not those minds. Where you at, Martin?

Where you at, baby? Hey, Martin. He brought in, like, his mother and a couple other women in masks. A Ghostface, by the way, has a new product out. I would like to give it an unsolicited, unpaid endorsement. It's Wugu. It's for your vape pen, smoke weed. It is a...

A vape dad would be interested in something like that. Yeah. Yeah. I think he put out a commercial. Wugu. Wugu. Oh, that's cool. Yeah.

We'll support Ghostface. Absolutely. Yeah, I'm a big fan of his. Fuck that Martin guy. Where is it? Or is this it? He had a commercial for it that I saw somewhere. Wugu.

Where, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, oh yeah, he said, like, if you... I'll just play it if it plays here. This is his new product. Okay, hold on. Welcome back to Living Made Easy. I am your host, Faye.

And if you're just joining us, we have a very special guest here in the studio today, Mr. Tony Starks. Yes, sir. How are you doing? Thanks for being with us, Mr. Starks. Thank you so much. Tell us about the products you brought to share with our studio audience.

We got gifts right here. This is a... This right here is called the Wugu. You know what I mean? It's Wugu. All you got to do is just put this glue inside. Just dynamite stick. It's like a pen, you know what I mean?

Take that hit and off you go. And fuck walking. You're going to start skipping. That's probably the best thing I've ever heard in my life. Fuck walking. You're going to start skipping. He's the best and he's absolutely in the conversation for greatest emcees.

Anybody who doesn't know just doesn't fucking know. Yeah. It's crazy that this kid's going to talk shit to him on his skill level. It's fucking bananas. Okay. Wait. Is it liquid swords?

No, that's the jose on the wrist. Yeah. The Pretty Tony album. What's he got? Fish scales. Well, he's got the album him and Rayquan did together. I think they did that together, right? Cuban links.

Isn't that them together? It's considered a Rayquan album. One of them he did with him. Yeah, that's that one. He did it with him. Dude, he's unbelievable on all of the Wu albums too. He's got incredible skills. I mean, even RZA who produced everybody's shit,

he said multiple times that Ghost is the best rapper. He thinks he's one of the best of all time. Here's his album. Oh yeah, Iron Man, Supreme clientele, Pretty Tony, Fish Scale, More Fish, Collaboration Albums, Put It On The Line, Wu Massacre, and of course, all of the Wu Tang albums. Anyways, Guy's ridiculously talented.

Uh. Can you please tell this idiot some, yes, you don't want to $13 to $700? That's crazy, man. Yeah, total asshole. You hear me, Marty? By the way, we're always looking for champions in the, you know what I'm saying?

You feel me? I'm talking about. Oh yeah. And I got to play this real quick before I go. Well, I need to do a dental update. I promised them I would do it. I was live tweeting. So as I said, I went in for a dental cleaning last week.

I live tweeted the event and basically everything, I mean, I got it talking to. My gums were number three. Like she was riling off my number three, three, three, four is in the back. And she chastised me. I need to floss every day, she said. And I was like, look, I'm a new mom. I don't have time to fucking do this shit anymore.

She said, you have to floss every day. And then they took a full set of X-rays. How many cavities do you think I have? I think you have four. Zero, zero, zero cavities. Wow. So my teeth are in good shape, but I did get reprimanded for not flossing.

And truth be told, I haven't been flossing as much. I have the beginnings of mom mouth. I'm not proud of it. You shouldn't be proud of it. But she did get through the cleaning and, you know, I just got a little reprimanded. It's upsetting. We both need to up our floss game.

I'll admit it. Have you been flossing? Not as much. I did floss last night. Last night. I just saw the, you know, I just did. We had meat. Yeah, you should definitely floss after.

Well, you asked me if I flossed. Meat, yeah. I flossed. Okay. Real quick for the, you know what I'm saying. I love these, these are my favorite. These are ghost namihanes just from this bit. You know what I mean?

You know what I mean? But you know what I mean? You know what I mean? You don't say. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

You know what I'm saying? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I'm saying? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

You know what I'm saying? It's like, yo, man. And then you switch to it. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what you mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? But here you go, you're the devil in the flesh, trying to be the villain.

You know what I mean? You know what I mean? It's a lot of them. It's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I'm talking about you feeling what I'm saying.

I didn't have a job day in my life in that jail. I got to get to this meeting. So I got to get going, man. I got some meeting to go to. We got a roll. Thank you guys for watching the show. Thanks, jeans. For listening.

Just watch us podcast.com. TomSikera.com. ThousandRanch.com. Liva. The links to tickets and. .com.com.com. .com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com as a, uh... Yeah.

Double-D-D-D-D-D-Dot. We'll leave you with these jeans, a ghost crew, you know what I'm saying? All right. Bye, guys. Bye, mommy. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying?

My mom lost. It doesn't mean my aunt. You know what I'm saying? Bye, that same French excellence. You know what I'm saying, Mike? The mayor of New York, you know what I'm saying? The best of the mayor. You know what I'm saying?

Let's do it. We'll look like this. You know what I'm saying? Please, give me a hug. You know what I'm saying? Pull up the bubble to the floor. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying?

Please, give me a hug. You know what I'm saying? Pull up the bubble to the floor. You know what I'm saying? Like this. Do you really want to understand that?