Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 335-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: March 16, 2016

Jeans up over your head! This one will have you screaming MOMMY! WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO ME?!?! Tommy put it out there in a MAJOR challenge to Crazie Locs last week. This week we await Locs' response while diving into some of his other uh, interests. Brace yourself - it's terrifying.  Also, do you eat the booty? Where do you eat it? How often? Plus we think we have an alternate choice to Donald Trump. This is a guy with a lot to say and the only candidate with a Zombie plan.  Do you want a pony?

Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Jeans. Jeans. Yeah. It's time for another episode of Your Mom Farts in Your Mouth. That's not the episode we're doing. That's Danny's show.

That is. I'm farting in your mouth, around your mouth, on your nose. Everywhere, because I love you. That's why. Because I love you. Cheerio, darling. Cheerio, darling.

So I'm going to Balsac, Sacramento. Oh, the InterSac? The InterSac of California, this weekend. I will be there Thursday, Friday, and Saturday with Big Earn, Andy Erickson. And I just found out we're going to be doing an additional Saturday show. Oh.

Three shows on Saturday. So make sure, if you don't have tickets, you can get one to the new show Saturday. A couple weeks from now, I'm going to Cleveland Steamer, Hilarities, in Cleveland. It's actually a really great club. So Cleveland, please come out. And I have a couple more dates on sale.

Spokane. No. Spermcan. Washington. Syracuse is now on sale. What would you say for Syracuse? Oh, no. Suck my juice?

Suck my juice. Suck my juice, New York. And then Jack Me Offville, Florida. Joe Jacksonville. Yeah. Jacksonville is now on sale. Hey, that's where turds on the ground originated. That sure is.

That's very sacred, your mom's house ground. Yeah. You guys might be able to request the room that it happened in. I can tell you if you want to know. Are you doing the comedy zone? No. Yeah.

Oh, you are? Okay. Yeah. So then you can definitely request the room. Yeah. Yep. Pretty exciting stuff. Turds on the ground.

Turds on the ground. I feel like Buzzy don't know. I flushed and my shit came up and spilled out onto the bathroom floor at that hotel at the comedy zone. And I had to tell the front desk staff and I left immediately after. But you never told me there were turds on the ground. I feel like it was inferred. Unreal.

Climb. All right. Well, what else? You got any dates, Gene? Yeah, I do. I do. So guys, come out April 1st and 2nd to Flappaire's Comedy Club in Burbank, California. April 1 and 2, April 1 and 2.

Come out and see me. And then April 7th, I met the Irvine Improv in Irvine, California, the 8 o'clock show. April 20th. Hey, Hitler's birthday. I am at the Venturity Comedy Club. Jesus. I did not request that date or anything. It's just natural.

It just happened. It's like your mom's house dictated that. And then May 27th through 28th, the comedy store in La Jolla, California. And also, generally, I'm at the comedy store on Saturdays, 8 o'clock show. Not all the time, but that is my jam. If you're in town and you're like, I want to see Christina, I'm usually at the store. The stove. The stove.

And then this Friday, I'll be at Flappaire's. Just doing a spot. Flappaire's. Seven-minute nothing. Flappaire's. Flappaire's. I did their 5 o'clock show on Sunday yesterday, and it was so much fun. So you said, man.

Dude, 5 o'clock on a Sunday? That's how you should do it. On a Sunday? Talk about practice. It's ready to open this show. You ready to do this? Okay. You ready?

I am. I'm ready. I'm waiting. Let's get this party started, man. Okay. I eat that booty anywhere. I eat that booty in the hood. I eat that booty cause it's good.

Eat that booty if it got a smell. I don't give a mother a fucking hell. I eat that booty here. I eat that booty anywhere. I eat it in the fucking train. I eat it in the fucking rain. I eat it in the fucking box. I eat it with a fucking fire.

This shit is big time. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Don't burn me in the fucking stand. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segura.

Tom Segura. Christina Pajitzi. Christina Pajitzi. Welcome to your mom's house. What's up with it? We... We're getting into your crazy looks. Crazy looks.

We're gonna get us some crazy looks here in a second. I was doing... What's up homies? What's up homies? What's up homies? God is good. You feel me? For real though.

Shout out to everybody all over the world. Doing their thing. Stuff like that. And stuff like that is the best. You're so good at it right now. Your vlog. I don't know if you've seen everybody listening. You've seen Tommy's vlog.

But it's up on your mom's house podcast. Shit, I can pull it. This is all part of the show. For sure. You threw down the gauntlet. Shit, I didn't know you were rushing into this stuff. I got excited. Let's go him. For sure.

I'm so fired up about your challenging him. I wanted to go there. Okay. For people that don't know... My man, Lokes... You know... I sort of... I sort of took his original...

This video as... I thought he was talking to me. Yeah. What's up homies? It's crazy Lokes right here. Homie? For reals though. So...

It's all about the movement. He's got that swag for sure. Yeah. Shuggles though. He talks to me. He talks some shit. You know, he gets into it. For reals though, homie. Shuggles that to everybody. Doing the thawing and stuff like that.

And then, bam. Yeah. Just a free shadow boxing fire session. And then... I wouldn't mess with crazy Lokes. I feel like... He's not afraid to do it in Walmart and show everybody. That's what I'm saying.

So... Then... This other dude... Me... Decided, you know... To talk back to crazy Lokes. What's up homies? For reals though.

Guys good. You know what I'm saying? Shout out to everybody. All over the world. Doing the thing. And stuff like that. You know what I'm saying? Training.

No days off. Not like my boy Bert. Getting all fat and shit. On cholesterol medication. Fuck that shit. I feel like crazy Lokes. Putting it down. Now it's totally...

I respect the shit out of crazy Lokes. For being... Legit. He's in the game. He's in the shout out game. He's in the rap game. He's a rapper also. I didn't know that.

But he raps a lot. And then... He... I basically put this out there so that he could... See it. And then maybe if he wanted to do that fight for charity.

Because I... Every day... This guy punches and everything. If you look man. I just wanted to give you a challenge video. You know why don't you and I... You know. Step in the brain.

And you can show me some of your moves. We can sell tickets. We can donate them to charity. We can do winner takes all man. I notice that he... He does know how to throw a jab. He knows how to throw a hook. He throws an uppercut.

But then he does really... Unusual sky punches. Where like he goes right up. So I figured... If I am in a step in the ring with him. I have to kind of get my sky punch game down. So at the end of this video I just do a train for...

Weighted sky punches. Is that what they're called sky punches? Yeah. Inspire. But crazy looks. Kettle bells. But I'm not doing... I don't consider myself doing kettle bells.

I think I'm just doing weighted sky punch. I see what you're saying. Because it's kind of the same movement. Yup. I know what you're talking about. If you want to get a better idea of what I'm talking about. You can look at

these right here. These are what I would say are like his... Probably what he's best known for. Oh. Right. You can see...

Sky punch. Sky punch. Sky punch. Sky punch. Sky punch. Crazy. Maybe that's why they call him crazy looks. That's his signature move.

Damn. He's got a lot of speed. Dude, I don't know how you're going to fight this guy. He's got all the moves. Yeah. I know. They're pretty real. It is pretty real. I got to make sure that I'm ready for it.

You're not afraid? I wouldn't say that. But I'm ready to see where this takes me. It was brought to my attention that there are some other crazy look things we should check out. One, of course, is

his rapping prowess. Mm-hmm. Okay. This is a crazy looks one here. Well, you really are in love with crazy looks right now. It's really normal.

What's the fascination with him so much? Why do you... Why down the crazy looks rabbit hole? I don't know, man. He just is interesting to me. What about his style appeals to you the most? Probably...

just that he doesn't give a fuck. I always like that about people when they're like, I don't give a fuck, man. He's really himself. And I like, you know, I like fighters. Here's a video. Hello, Sonny!

Are you done going to quit messing with me, Sonny? Hey! Whoa! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Fuck you, Sonny! Fuck you, motherfucker! Fuck you!

Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you, bitch! Fuck you! You better quit! Leave me alone! Okay, Sonny? Okay, my brother is coming right now! The lord will take care of everything,

motherfucker! Shit like that. Right. What? Are you sure you want to be fighting this guy? I don't know. That's why I'm starting to train harder. Yeah. Because I don't know if I have the experience.

I'm not sure you want to... Oh, wait, look at the header on that. Which one? Scroll up. I want to see up. Higher up. Look at that crazy face. Hey, crazy looks. I don't know, babe. I kind of don't want you

fighting this guy now. I don't know if he's stable enough, you know? You don't think he's stable? Well, scary. Well, this is like a lot of the fighting stuff. But for a long time, it was about

rapping, you know? He was really into rapping. Yes, crazy looks right here. Right here. His name is also Jimmy too. You know what I'm saying? Straight up though. Shout goes out to all the homies. You know what I'm saying?

It's all love. He made it bigger. Crazy looks got to keep pushing with this ambition, with this dream. Crazy looks ain't fiving. You actually know what I mean. Yes, indeed. Crazy looks straight brings that heat. Crazy looks is going to pass the mic so this homie can do it right.

Yeah. I mean, you know, there's different levels. There's so much happening with crazy looks. You know, it's like people are like, I'm a writer, director, producer. He's that guy. He's that guy that can wear

so many hats. Yeah, he does. He's so talented. You can't contain that kind of talent homie. Yeah, this is a freestyle looks like right here. Crazy looks up in here. You know what I'm saying?

Shout goes out to all my thugs pushing his game. Crazy looks don't give a fuck about it. Oh, shit. He don't keep pushing like it ain't no thing. You know what I'm saying? Straight up though. Crazy looks is going to spit. Don't feel what I said. I straight do it from the head. I straight

do it from the brain. You know it's gaming every way. No playing what I gots to say. Crazy looks all about getting paid. All about his stuff for show. Something y'all used to know so. He only moves his mouth to everything else is perfectly still. You notice that like

no blinking just kind of well, I got to say I was getting really into preparing for the fight. And you know, I was watching a lot of his boxing videos studying. Yeah, studying the scene like what is my opponent

you know doing because in that video that I put out, obviously I'm challenging him. Yeah. Turns out. Crazy looks might not even be well. What? Yeah. What do you mean? Well. Wait a minute.

Not well how like he has a cold or something? Worse. Brain not well. What a shocker. You're kidding. Well, I mean here's that's weird. Here's an email we got from a listener who also

teaches people with special needs. He says hi Hitler mommies application work with special needs kids. I'm on spring break so I have some extra time on my hands and I think I can fill in the blanks

a bit on crazy looks. I watched some of his YouTube videos such as this wonderful rap classic cop car. That's the one we just saw right? I don't know. He was rapping next to a cop car.

That's the difference. No. Okay, we get the idea. Anyways. So he says, judging from his somewhat slurred, repetitive speech

and wide-set eyes, I wanted to at first say fetal alcohol syndrome, but I think that crazy locs more than likely is on the autism spectrum, and probably to the more severe end of it at that. His occasional speech,

disfluency, and intense non-blinking eye patterns make me think this. Seriously, he doesn't think. Surefire sign right there. He also has some delusions of grandeur and a general attachment from reality, which are also signs he's a bit touched, as you'd say.

Also, watching him spar and his movements and his rap video lead me to believe he has some form of dyspraxia? Dyspraxia? How do you say that? I'm not a medical professional, Tom. Another symptom of the spectrum, which can manifest itself with difficulties,

understanding movement patterns punches directly, upwards in this case, or things like handwriting in school, issues with motor skills, shuffling feet while sparring, poor balance, mistime movements, general flailing about. This is just one man's opinion,

which it's legit to say. Yeah. Anyway, you slice it, this dude is pretty fucked up. Love the show. Keep those jeans way up high and tight by Hitler. P.S., I'd rather be retarded. Ah, see? It's not so bad.

Retarded people can be happy and have good lives. I take that over grandpa's dick in my mouth any day, even with the funnel cake. Even with the funnel cake. Yeah, but your grandpa's not, his dick's not in your mouth in that scenario. He's just jacking you off.

That's true. That is a little less severe than sucking your family dick. Way less severe. Blowing your grandfather, hand job from him. Plus his hands are kind of old and softer too. Yeah. Unless he did a lot of manual labor

and his hands would be really hard. It could be calloused. Yeah, crusty hands. What was your granddad's hands like? They were nice. So he would get a nice softie. Yeah, he never had funnel cake though. Ever. No.

How come? I don't know. Never brought it up. Never brought it up. It's kind of depressing. Yeah, it's another funny, funny background story to a clip that you presented. Thank you. Well, I'm saying... I'm so glad I know this. The depression for me now is that I don't think I can fight him.

No. But maybe you could rap battle him. That is a really good idea. Right? Yeah. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. It's severely, mentally affected.

It doesn't mean that he can't be a good rapper. You don't think so? No, it just affects his style. Remember that kid that, hey, did the rap battle? And he was like, you're like, Rosie O'Donnell had a bisexual baby shower. That guy, he actually was really good at rapping.

Right. And they clowned him and everything. Yeah, but he was really good. So we don't know. Crazy folks could surprise you. They could tap into some creative at a place that you don't know about because of his autism. What do you want to bet on that?

It's like a back rub. A back rub? You think it'll be good? Crazy folks? You don't know. Speaking of rap battles... Yeah, sorry, we got sidetracked. You sidetracked the hell out of me.

This guy... Don't you put grills on because he's kind of bad. This guy's got great teeth. He doesn't need the grill. I thought they covered up bad teeth or something like dentures. They're like gold dentures.

He's about that life right now. Oh, okay. I like it. I like it. It's good, right? Yeah, he's actually really... It's charming. He's got good stage presence. Yeah, I'd let him be my booty.

Really? Yeah, why not? I didn't think you were like that. Maybe not, but I like his enthusiasm and I might let him just because of it. Jesus. This was submitted by David Kemp from Twitter.

I'm looking at this Bristol stool chart today and I think I had a type 2 sausage shaped but lumpy. It was a little lumpy. What was yours? Those are harder. I was definitely like a 5 or 6. Because you're a travel?

Yeah, this has been a bad 24 hours. No, I know. I've been living with you. You came home and you started farting. It was just... Horrendous. And then you farted in the bedroom. I couldn't go in there. It was just bad.

It was really bad. What do you think did that to you? I don't know, man. Just living, you know. Probably wasn't the best final day of eating the evening, you know, at the club. Yesterday and you're like,

I just had some chicken breasts on the plane and you didn't mention bad eating at the club. Now the truth comes out. You said, what did you eat today? I didn't lie about that today. Well, brown lock is on the case. Let's go back in time and see what caused

the 5 or 6. The night before I left Seattle Tacoma, which by the way, was always a good time. They all came there. They all came all over me and I had a great time

bathing in their jizz. Grow up. Anyways, it was great shows. The last Saturday night between the first and second show,

I did have some chicken fingers. What kind of dipping sauces? They gave you three. Dipping sauces is what pushes all the mixtures of those strong tastes. Although they do a different style chicken breast there. What club is this?

Tacoma Comedy Club. They don't do the prepackaged frozen chicken finger you're used to. They take actual chicken breasts. I like those. You get a massive breast and they flower it up.

So it's not as crazy. I had that and then I had probably around 1.30 in the morning half of an Italian sandwich. Okay. Wait, wait, wait, wait. How many different kinds of salamis?

Oh, and then there's more? No, no, that was it for Saturday night. The next morning I woke up and I was like, I think I could, I need to take a shit. Yeah. But I'm not quite, you can feel like, bad inside of me.

And then I was running late. So what I did was I just carried that to the airport. And then I didn't even have time to ship before the flight. So I ship on the plane first. Horrific. Now, you were in first class,

obviously. And were there a lot of people waiting? Because on those short flights sometimes people stand in line and it's horrible. Did you feel the pressure is what I'm saying? To take that shit? Of hurrying through the shit,

which is why I don't ship on planes. Well, I saw this lady go up in there and she was in there a while. She was a big bitch too. I knew she was taking a fucking mean growler. By the time she was done, I finally got in there.

And it was like, I'm so big for that size of bathroom. My shoulders touch the wall and the sink. I can barely move around in there. I went to wipe and I got shit on my thumb. So upsetting. It's so upsetting.

It's the grossest. That's the worst. Wait, was it running? No, it wasn't diarrhea. It was poo. So I'm like, fuck. So you're sitting there and washing it in the sink and then when I pick up my wiping, I do it again.

So I'm like, god damn it. Cleaning my hand. Anyways, then I spend like 10 minutes washing my hands after that. I go back, but I just don't feel sick, but I just don't feel great. Well, and also you didn't have your bidet. I didn't have my bidet.

It's so hard to shit now without the spray after. Oh, I forgot to mention, I probably had a couple drinks too. Hard alcohol or beers? Hard alcohol. Yeah, I'll do it. Because you don't drink a ton. That'll slop up your shit real quick. Yeah, and then so I

get off the flight and I get a coffee. Oh, what are you? Are you fucking crazy, Lokes? What are you doing? You can't do that. No, so then I get back here and it's just fart cities are ready to come. Oh, I know. I smelled them all.

And then I made you eat pizza. We ordered a pizza. Yeah, and you, that was and I was like, I just got home and you're like, let's eat pizza. And then I took Sunday. And I treats. Well, then the farts just came out even more. I know.

And then how you should have this morning like five times already. Twice today. But here's what I've had today, though. Kind of flipped up the game a little bit. I had some Greek yogurt to start the day. Yeah. Some coffee. And then you made a delicious,

healthy egg scramble with mushrooms and tomatoes. Was it a plum? Yeah. It's delicious. Yeah. So, so far today, doing good. Never not shitting. Never not shitting. That's your Twitter handle. Yeah.

You're always shitting. That's not true. Every time I talk to you, we're having a nice moment. We're cuddling with the kid or the doll. Like we're having a nice family moment and you're always like, I got to shit. I got to go. I got to take a shit. People shit. Yeah, but not as much as you lately. I feel like you've been shitting a lot

more than most people. I don't shit more than most people. I think so. I kind of feel like I got a I feel like I got to pull back my crazy loaves challenge. I can't stop thinking about it. Yeah.

I don't think it'd be safe to fight them. Well, like I said, I mean, maybe a wrap battle instead. Hmm. Maybe maybe it might be it might be too intense. He got really mad at that guy in the video. He got really mad.

That's somebody that's not stable, Tom. And that's a guy that knows him. Yeah. Okay. Speaking of poo. Oh, who's there? Look who it is. Yeah.

Look who it is. Good luck. States. Urgentina. Answering vlogs. Answering vlogs. Disputing the rumors. Now did he invent that

mustache or was that a mustache not The time is a pop up. You know why I think my grandfather had a mustache like that I read about the mustache. He did that Why? He initially went to it because in when he was in the army. He had to have gas masks.

And he had a bushy mustache. And it wouldn't allow the mask to seal. So trimmed it. And a lot of guys then did it. Okay. Yeah. All right. And then you now you got this really cool mustache that he has.

Yeah. It's fashion forward. Yeah. So, you know. Yeah. Don't don't be don't be quick to judge this guy now. Hey Hitler. So it turns out look look jeans.

I know. I see. Our man was into poo. That's what they say. Turns out there's these stories coming out that he had a micro penis, which I don't know how to discover this. But on top of that, he was a fan of poop. And women and women to stand over him while he was lying on

the floor and have them defecate on him. You believe that? You know what though? I've also read things where a lot of they always want to do this with unpopular figures in history is make them insane. It's like it's like stuff that comes out. It's not necessarily true is what I'm saying to demonize further demonize the shitty person.

Right. You know, you can say anything about Hitler. Nobody's going to be like, wait a minute. I know the guy and he's not into that stuff. Right. You know, it's like, oh, just a way to go. Can we take it easy? Yeah.

No, it's good. Guys, you're being too rough on me. I just keep hearing all these mean things said about this guy. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. And this is the same document where they describe his micro penis. Yeah.

I don't know. Yeah. He said this the practice of this perversion represents the lowest depth of degradation. I guess you really do. You really are the piggiest pig of all. I think so. I think scat stuff is the weirdest in my opinion.

You know, it's anything. I don't think it needs to be just, I don't need you to qualify it. You're the foulest motherfucker. Yeah. It's shit. It's wrong. It's taboo. Yeah.

Yeah. So right here, you can actually picture her dumping on him. Eva Braun. Yeah. I don't know. I don't, I don't think so. I don't think he was in all that. I think he was into killing Jews and that's it.

That's it. I don't know. I believe that he was a poo fan. I do. I believe it. What about Matthew McConaughey? What do you think he's into? Matthew McConaughey?

Not poo. Like I really sweats himself. Matthew McConaughey loves himself some Matthew McConaughey. Yeah, but he definitely, he sweats himself pretty hard. He masturbates to himself a lot. You think so? Yeah. In a Lincoln.

In a Lincoln. I just like these cows. I've been, I've been into these Lincolns since before they paid me to. Just jerking off in my Lincoln. He is so fucking into Matthew McConaughey. Yeah. I know. And, and Lincolns.

Yeah. And that's super. I do believe that he loves his Lincoln. Do you? Yeah. So what did you do while I was gone? Well, I did some shows. I, I went, I did the ice house.

I did the comedy store. I did the Flippers. Had lunch with Sarah Burns who's been on the show. Yeah. We had Mexican food. Very interesting. Yeah. And hung out with the kid, man.

You know, he's, he's a full time gig. Who's that? Three month old. Oh, our kid. That one. Oh yeah. Yeah. He's super rad.

Yeah, he's rad. My dad came over with my uncle Steve and that was fun. What was your, what'd your dad say? Nice house. This is nice. You know, you know, they don't really, my family's not very effusive. Yeah. Nice.

They don't work for them. Yeah. Yeah. But he's really into Ellis boy. My dad really. Yeah. Look at this kid. This kid wants to move.

This kid is going to be walking soon. This is nice. Kind of cute, I think to see your dad like that. It's so rare. He never is that. Yeah. Adoring ever. He wasn't like, he's not like one of these Gaga, Goo Goo guys.

No, but it's cool to see. I think when your dad's become grandparents, they tend to chill. Yeah. They become a little bit softer, which is cool to see. Well, you should get softer, you know, as you get older. Yeah. Nothing more terrifying than somebody that doesn't get softer. I know.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he, it's happening to him. Yeah. It's nice to see. Yeah. It's really cute.

He's really into our son. Yeah. Which is nice. Yeah. This is the good kid. Good kid. Some boy. Nice.

Everybody on my family thinks that the kid looks like you and everybody in your family think the kid looks like me. That weird. Yeah. I don't know why that is. By the way, do you remember, of course, this clip from a while back in the show? A succulent Chinese meal. Yeah.

Yeah. Sorry. That was really loud. I don't know why that's so loud. A succulent Chinese meal. And if you don't remember, we did a whole episode on this guy. Turns out he was kind of a crazy person. Right.

And he was known for going to restaurants. I think it's Melbourne, Australia, and eating elaborate meals and then being like, I don't have any money. Like my joke that I like to do. Yeah. And he would get arrested. So this was a clip from that. We were sent a video, a remix of his arrest to music.

Oh, that's always fun. Yeah. I think it's actually, oh yeah, it's back there. Here it is here. So this guy, yeah, it was, this was like one of the best clips ever on the show. And somebody made a song. Nice. A remix song.

Gentlemen, this is the mic who got me on the penis, people. Get your hands up. Get your hands up. Why did you do this to me? Would you just assure me that I couldn't speak? I'll sit down and talk. I'm not assuring anything. Get your hands up.

Get your hands up. You don't have a penis. You tiny penis people. People. Oh, that's a nice head bob, sir. This guy, do you remember it was actually of Hungarian descent? Of course. Of course.

Crazy. And was a chess master. Oh, okay, yeah, that's right. Yeah. The Hungarians are great at chess and polo. Water polo. And acting crazy. I was at polio.

And acting crazy as shit. We don't give a fuck. Yeah. And then he told them here. He was telling the news cameras. I had a succulent Chinese man. Get your hand off my penis. It was submitted by Tony McFaddenful.

It's on his YouTube channel. This is my Chinese judo headline. This is my Chinese judo chart. Oh, oh, oh, oh. This is my Chinese judo manifest. This is my Chinese judo. That's fantastic. Yeah, it's really a good song, actually.

Good job, dude. That's how my dad said when I showed him the bidet. He's like, oh, good. I'm going to come over here to shit now. Oh, he did? Yeah. Because he lives closer now. He's like, oh, I'm 20 minutes away.

I can save my shit for your house. I'm like, thank you. You know what's so funny is how cold my family is compared to like how we are with our kid. Like I was watching my uncle and my dad yesterday just sitting on our couch, just ice cold gangsters, Hungarian style, like Eastern Black fucking hardcore. I'm like, dude, like my son's never going to know that.

They're not sweethearts. No. Yeah. The killers. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. Nice.

Good place. Cold eyes. Yeah. Such gangsters. Yeah. Remember when you met my ex-dad mom? She's Hungarian, too. You were like.

Ice queen, dude. Yeah. But that's not, she's not like, that's how they all are. That's pretty Hungarian. That's just standard, dude. Because if you smile, they see it as a sign of weakness. Like Eastern blockers, if you're like, hi, I'm Christina. Like these girls are fucking retarded.

They think you're retarded and weak. That's so sad. Horrible. Yeah. Well, if you look at Putin, like if you watch how he acts, it's just, yeah, Russian's similar. Yeah. They think you're just a weak pussy if you show any kind of

vulnerable emotion. They think if you smile, you're goofy. You're stupid. Yeah. Like whenever we go to restaurants and a waitress would be kind, like, hi, folks. What is folks? Fuck you.

Don't call me folks. They're just so upset. And like, they would get super mad and like, did you leave any room for dessert or like when they ask you that question, like, they're so offended by it. It's so funny. I guess in Hungary, they won't ask you that. Yeah.

I mean, it's just all about how you're raised, right? So, I mean, really, your reaction to things is it's based on your own environment and culture. Yeah. That's a pretty hard culture. Hard. I didn't realize it until I've been with you for the last 11 years. Nice baby.

Yeah. Nice. He's cute. Good looking baby. This is a good looking baby. And your uncle. Yeah. He's a little softer because he travels and he's like kind of more

hippie leaning a little. Yeah. Like, you know, he's a little, he goes to India and he went to Goa and like, you know, but no, my dad's all about the neon track suits. Yeah. Those two are so funny together. Ice cold.

I like seeing your, your dad and your uncle together. Yeah. Me too. It's such a trap, man. Yeah. Especially hanging out with your family where you guys are a little more normal and Americanized. Like, I didn't realize how cold my family was.

Just like ice. Yeah. We would probably be colder. We're probably a little warmer because of my mom's side of the family. Yeah. Because they're really, that's the other end of the spectrum, man. Oh, for sure. London's the best.

Yeah. They're always like hugging kids. I love it. I love it. I look at the baby. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Yeah. All that stuff.

I love it. I love it. Yeah. That's sweet. My dad's like, that's cute. Yeah. Yeah. Why are the Latin so into loving?

Everything is for love, but, but love, love, love. It's a love culture, man. Yeah. Yeah. It's, you know, it's tied into, I think it's some of the root is in how much they adore their mothers. Ah, yes. It's that, it's that Virgin Mary Catholic.

Maternal society. Yes. It's very. Virgin Mary. Yeah. That's absolutely true. Yeah. For sure.

So it's always, you know. The Virgin. Yeah. And then there's just very affectionate. It's a very affectionate. You know, you greet people with kisses. Oh yeah. Hungarians do too.

Oh yeah. So by that theory, we should be sweeter, but we're not. Then, you know, cheat kisses and all that. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if men, I don't think men do that to men though. It's considered kind of gay. Right.

They do it in Argentina. I think if men do it to men. It's really weird to me. And our four Hitler lives. Yeah. Like Hitler will do it when he says hi to you. Like if you see Hitler and you say hi, he'll give you a kiss on the cheek. Yeah.

For sure. But I didn't experience it anywhere else with men. Just Argentina. I've never, never in Peru, never in, definitely never in Spain. It was always just to women. I just had a vision of like when you go to Peru and they grab your dick. Is that what they do? That's the common thing.

Like if you're in Lima. They grab your painter. Yeah. They go, hello. And they go, hola. They just grab your dick. Yeah. And then if they know you, they'll blow you.

That's what I heard. And yeah. You know what's neat about my country of origin is Hungary is like the porno capital. It is. Of the world. I don't know how to. Rocco, a married Hungarian woman. I know.

Your favorite guy. My favorite. My best friend in the whole world. You could have been married to him. Think about it. He married a Hungarian. He married a Hungarian. I'm not living in Hungary though.

Yeah. But I'm saying like, let's say your parents hadn't left Hungary and you were born there, you could be married to Rocco right now. Okay. Yeah. That's okay. That's a possibility. You know, I heard the porno industry happen there is because the Russian mafia, once

communism ended, the Russians came in and just started doing all that business there. They took over. He's so legendary. Rocco? Yeah. I know. Well, he's out of retirement now. He's back in the game, right?

No. I thought I heard that. No. He left his mark. Yeah. Can I tell you a funny story about Red Band? Red Band? Yeah.

Okay. Just reminding me. I was at the comedy store the other night and apparently Jerry Seinfeld stopped in to do a spot and he did like a Q&A session. It's pretty crazy. First of all, some people know that Seinfeld doesn't normally drop in in LA. No. No.

You know, it's not common. Yeah. Everyone else does, but not. And I had heard also just to make, to make the point of how big of a deal this was. He hasn't been to the store since like 79, that's what they're saying. So a lot of that, yeah, there's a lot of drama between the improv and the comedy store back in that era about being a paid regular, one club wouldn't let you do the other. And then what happened to the comedy store, some crazy booker was holding the reins that

place and like wouldn't let major acts do drop-ins because they weren't quote passed by Mitzi who's the owner of the comedy store. So like you'd have like Sarah Silverman wanting to come and do drop-ins at the comedy store 10 years ago and this booker would be like, no, you can't. And so that guy, you know, he, he's gone now and the doors have opened. So now it's like become a better place. But anyways, so Seinfeld was there, which is a huge deal and he's doing like this Q and A with the comics afterwards in the audience, I guess.

And our friend Brian Redban raised his hand and goes, I have a question. Do you wipe standing up or sitting down? Hilarious. I think it's so funny. Apparently not in a lot of people agreed. People got upset. Yeah. Because I think he walked Seinfeld and he was like, Seinfeld answered it and was like,

all right, I got to go. Yeah. That was the last one. That's what we're doing now. Good job, Brian. Good job. I thought it was really funny. That's really great.

I would have been like, I have a question. Do you jerk off to your Porsches in them or just looking at them? Yeah. Seriously. God, how much money does that guy have? I mean, he has, I don't know, there's different, you know, accounts, but I think he's probably in the high nine figures. High.

For sure. And Jay Leno? Nine figures. Yeah. The stupid cars too. He loves his cars. I haven't touched any of my tonight show money. I just, I spend my stay in the money.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they love cars, man. Yeah. He just sold some cars this weekend. Seinfeld was in the news. He did? Yeah.

He auctioned off some of his Porsches. Oh, good for him. He sold for a lot of money. Wow. Yeah. He has like collector. Well, he said he wanted to put them back into circulation. He goes, I've enjoyed them.

It's time to, I respect that too. Hey, it seems like a nice dude. I don't think there's anything wrong with that guy. No, I don't either. I've never heard anything like that. And I think, I believe it. He's probably like, I've had these a while. He's probably just put them back out there.

Sold them. Yeah. But I love that Brian asked that question. So funny, funniest thing I've ever heard. Do you wipe sitting down or standing up? And he answered it, right? And he answered it. Yeah.

And he's like, all right. Yeah. And he was like, that's enough assholes, didn't he? Yeah. They walked him, which is amazing. And people were like, Brian. People are mad. People weren't happy about that.

A lot of comics were upset with Brian. That's really funny. I liked it. I liked it a lot. Hilarious. That's hilarious. You know, you were watching that documentary on twins. Yeah.

It was twins that didn't know that they had a twin sister. It's called twinsters on Netflix. And then this came in here. Let's see who sent this. Twins were submitted by a whole bunch of people. Okay. It's kind of just weird. These, these are two identical twins, but the kind that barely ever leave each other's

side. Aw. It's so. Little gray gardens-y. Yeah. It's, it's really, really, it's kind of just odd to, to watch them interact and speak. Love this kind of shit. Yeah.

They're 32 and they've hardly ever been apart. There's just one time when they were 17. Only when one of us were in the hospital getting our appendix out. But Bridget used to come in every visiting hours when I could. But if I was allowed to sleep there, I would have. Wow. They talk funny. Yeah.

What kind of accent is that? Master of accents? Oh, it's Aussie. It's a Aussie. Or it could be New Zealand. Oh yeah, it could be. I don't know. It's hard to tell the Kiwi in the Aussie.

Well, no, I can. You can. Sorry. Master of accents. I could understand that. They're so creepy. A retard. Maybe you're not.

Retard? Able to. Yeah. I mean. That's creepest. That's, you know, this is more than I can sclar brothers handle, you know? I mean, they really are not just, they're not just finishing each other's sentences. They're just talking over it.

And it's the same. Yeah. I liked watching them bicycle tandem. Do you think they rub them out together at the same time? Babe, that's so rude. Yes. I think they do. They take shifts together.

And I bet it's impossible to date one of these girls. You can't. No way. They're going to be tethered to each other until they're on their deathbeds, these two. They're going to ruin their own lives. They would do, if one of them did meet somebody and talk to them, she would say, well, you have to have a friend. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. You know, these two are going to be old and together. It's adorable. It is. Weird. As children, they resisted efforts to prize them apart. Apparently, when we were little, mum did separate us as when we were little toddlers.

One stayed at Nan's place and one stayed at our auntie's. And we just nonstop screaming. And that's when we were little bay ladies. Nonstop screaming. And so then they, when they put us back together, we were kind of happy. Wow. That's so cool. Yeah.

But creepy as shit. Creepy. They're like, what is that movie? Jack Nicholson, The Shining, The Shining Twins. Oh, right. Those red rom girls. Little creepy. Yeah.

Oh, that's so crazy. I know. I know. I like that. This lady looks like you. I like her haircut. I'm going to get that. I love the front swirl.

That's the mom cut for sure. This is very good. This has your expression in the eyes. You guys have the same mouth. My favorite, just the back hair here is really nice. I think my father has this haircut. Well, to me, it just says lady. This is Eastern European tennis player.

This is Yvonne Lendl, right? Didn't Lendl have this? Just do your hair differently. I know. Whenever I see that, I'm like, you're just doing this to yourself. Well, she's fully resigned to momhood. You can see here, she's wearing the hoodie, but she's still tying it. It's weird.

Doesn't want anyone to... No sex. This is a look that says, do not come near me with a penis ever, ever, ever. I figured out why moms dress frumpy, mom fashions, especially if you're breastfeeding. It's because you have to access your boobs all the time. There's no cute stuff, but she's given up for sure. Yeah. She doesn't need her boobs to come out anymore.

No, no, no, no. She's almost a dude at this point. It's really close. She might be transitioning. You don't know it. Because I haven't played the clip yet. I don't know. Well, if she's right.

When I became a man. My transition took place. I'm happy to be a man. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. It's really, it's really bad. And here's the thing. Okay.

Okay. You don't have to be a super mom. I'm not saying that. And I'm not shitting on her for like... Yes, you are. Here's what I'm shitting on. Just try. All it is work with what God gave you.

You know, just try a little man. Yeah. If you want to be a woman, if you want to be heterosexual. I don't know. Why don't you tell everybody about your dream? I dreamt that some other guy busted nuts in me and I didn't know who it was. And then I got pregnant again. And I was like, oh, I have to tell Tom and I'm pregnant again.

You're a fucking jerk. It's a dream, babe. Yeah. Well, let's see what she has to say. What does this nice man have? At school, their teachers couldn't believe it. We were in primary school. We were sitting at the same table.

And they accused us of cheating. Because they thought we were looking at one another and saying, you're doing this and doing that and doing that in no way. No, we rather died in the cheat. So they split us up. And they gave us a different, not the exactly same questions that we had before. And we came up with the same answers and questions.

And they were just shocked. And they put us back together. And they said, sorry. Oh, my God. So weird. It's so weird. They didn't really let that guy talk at the beginning. The gentleman was going to say something.

Yeah. There he is. How do you think his tennis game is? This guy doesn't even speak. Holy shit. Some parts of the Midwest. This is the norm. Where do you think this chick guy,

where do you think this nice human gets their haircut? And what do they say when they walk in? You know what to do. What do you think they say? It's give me the tennis player. Give me the tennis player. Yeah. Give me a ATP top five, 1989.

Rock it out. That is an 89, 90 haircut. Of course. It's also the Midwestern. There's a lot of ladies in the Midwest. The Midwestern. Uh-oh. Here we go.

A lot of Sam Kinnison lookalike women. Oh, no. The last clip here. Jesus Christ. I don't know. Again, I'm not knocking her. But all of a sudden this still is more effeminate. You know?

It's also a little lady dye circuit. You know what it is? I think she was going for Lady Diana 1980. And, you know, it looks dated. It's a little dated. No, it's very dated. What I'm saying is though, as far as the stills go, this one is more dude.

And this one is before she transitioned. This is the woman. Because here's what would fix this. I'm just saying, grow the hair out just a little more. I need to cut my ears out so that I can hear well. When you see my hair fall over, my ears cut them out so that I can hear stuff. That is so true.

Otherwise, I don't hear anything. That's what it is. Because being a woman, there's not a lot of utility in our clothing. There's no utility in our hair. There's no utility in wearing makeup. So when a woman gives up, she's going all function over form.

Function for sure. If there's hair over my ear, I won't hear nothing. Yeah. It's all function at her point. I get it. That's a terrible haircut. Actually, the only thing really she needs to try with

is just get a fucking haircut. The haircut's bad. It's really bad. But then, okay, she's Aussie. And you can afford it. You got a nice microwave. Yeah, she's got money. Or have a friend that can do it for you.

Just grow it out a little. But a lot of Aussie women, I hate to say this too, I've seen a lot of stuff. They, you know, they got this haircut. The outback steakhouse cut. India back. We don't need long hair.

This is not an Aussie cut, though. Yeah. You just said it's a Midwestern cut. It's Midwestern. It's Australia. Because there's a lot of parts that are remote in Australia, like the Midwest. So basically in remote locations.

Indiana and Illinois and Australia. Yeah. Yeah. Path. Path. Yeah. You have this haircut. Yeah.

There's rock. That's where you're going to see this haircut. I think crocodile Dundee's hair was like this too, wasn't it? Dundee had a nice cousin feathers. Yeah. This is a feathery look. Yeah. This is the ultimate.

I don't want to touch a dick ever. Let's see if she's this in it. Anything? The twin stream of married life. Together. Well, our plan is probably just next door to one another. And have exactly the same identical house. And even our furniture will probably be in the same spots.

Yeah. Or by acreage and have built two homes. Or have a real huge big home and all live together. Aww. They're so cute. I wonder what it would be like to double team them. Yeah. You should ask.

Well, I mean, I can't ask them. We can just talk about it. Like I wonder if they do the same. But I want you to ask them that question and just see how they're doing. I'd love to. But I wonder if like, if, if like she starts eating your booty. And then she's like, she knows what to do or does she wait her turn? You know, like,

No, they think it's simultaneous. So you think she tries to do at the same time or knows like, I got to get on the balls and cock right now. Oh my God. I don't know, Tom. That's a really interesting question though. I really thought for both. It'd be fun to double dip.

Let's do it on that. Let's talk about it. Like to move from one to the other. Boop. Boop. And they're like, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right in there. Right in there. Right in there. Right there.

Right there. Yeah. They're cute. They're going to live together for the rest of their lives. And then one of them dies and it's going to be horrendous. Yeah. And then the other one will be like. Done.

Yeah. Done. It must be nice to have, But it must be nice to have like someone that you're so I've been coaching them for 10, 25 years now. Australia's premier tennis players. They're also identical twins. They both have the same back end.

She doesn't say anything. That's one. They both, Both serve pretty nice. They'll have a nice serve. It's bad. Yeah. That's bad.

Boy. I'm going to say Minnesota. This is a Minnesota look. Yeah. Not everybody. Right. But basically if you leave Minneapolis, this is the state airport. It definitely is.

And I know this from the airports, like when I've been hanging out. I lived in Minnesota. You're not that wrong. Yeah. Wisconsin. Maybe Nebraska. I've seen this in a couple of Packers games. Yeah.

Yep. Hey, here's what we're going to play. What kind of footwear is she wearing? Oh man. It's real sensible. Like you said. Really sensible. Nothing cute going on down there.

She's probably either wearing Birkenstocks, toe shoes, or like really heavy orthopedic tennis shoes. I think orthopedic. The straps, the many layers. The thing about the Velcro is it's easy on, easy off. Yeah. What do you think her panties look like? They're sensible.

They're big. They're not a pretty color. They're not like pink or anything. Nothing fun happening. Yeah. She's got chocolate brown. She's my dickie. Whoa.

Whoa. Is that you or me? I don't know. Shouldn't we be getting a call from those guys, bringing our TV? No. You know what? They're asking us, why haven't you covered the Downton series finale? Why haven't you covered House of Farts?

We don't have our TVs hooked up yet. We just moved in. So it's going to be a minute. Hopefully today. Yeah. It's supposed to be today. We don't have TVs. We haven't seen the Downton.

We haven't seen House of Farts, which has been out for 10 days. I know. I'm so bummed out. I'm so mad. Took a lot of resistance to not jump online and watch. Oh, right. Yeah. Discipline.

Discipline. So not to resist watching it. I'm so glad you did. Yeah. Yeah. Because I want to watch it on the big train. Maybe. Yeah.

Once Baby Jean goes to sleep, we can catch one episode. Yeah. I can catch up. That'd be fun. Oh my God. I heard it's tremendous. Really? I wonder what Claire's butthole smells like this season.

It's got to get better. It gets better with every year. Yeah. And there's probably scenes of her. I'm sure they incorporated that into the story where she's like, oh, I'm the president's life. Presidential ass smells. Yeah.

It makes people come up the stairs and kneel. Remember their orgies? They had orgies in the other seasons. I forgot already. Not orgy. Three ways. Oh, right. Like the first season.

Yeah. She's like, you need this. And then they do it. They did it with one of their secret service guys. Yeah. It was a dude because he leans. He's ACDC's, my dad says. ACDC.

Yeah. About cock, double cock. Is that what that's? Yeah. Yeah. Do you think we could get into that kind of lifestyle? Yeah. Yeah.

I'm poly and I'm bi. Of course. What about her? Could she join in? I think that would be like one for you to test drive. And then, you know, I'd like to hear the report afterwards for sure. Yeah. Didn't you get offered to go to some BDSM club?

Yes. I did. You turned it down. We met a really cool couple. It's like everyone had laughed except for six, eight people after the show Friday. Yeah. And this couple was talking and then I was there with a comic named Amy Miller. Really funny.

And she was talking to the lady and somehow through their conversation led to there like, oh yeah, we do porn. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

And we were like, of course, the most like laid back. Normal. Yeah. Always. Made no big kind of thing of it. And then they're like, oh, we're hosting this BDSM party tomorrow. You guys want to come? And I was like, that would be a lot of fun.

And they're like, I'll swing by. I'm like, I don't know, man. I don't know. I go, I got a late show here. I'm going to be showing up at like 2 a.m. What am I going to do at a BDSM party? Like, it's just fun. Just watch.

I don't know. It's kind of like, I remember in a first year in college in San Francisco, they have this thing called the exotic erotic ball, which is like their version of that around Halloween. Yeah. And my friends and I were like, we're going to go. We bought tickets. And if you're not really participating in something like that, it's so fucking uncomfortable because the room just smells like a hot diaper.

It's so gross. I would like to go people watched at that thing. Yeah. Because I think if, if you're a non-participant and you're, and you're watching people, then they're like, well, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah, it's rude to just be like, what are you doing? Now I'm watching you be weird. Yeah.

So I'm not against doing it. They were super nice. So I really do appreciate the invite. Very nice. I wish you would go to a BDSM party. Yeah. And then you all of a sudden you're just scrolling online and you see me strapped in leather hanging from a, from a ceiling.

And you're like, where did, when did you do this? I'm like, oh yeah. I forgot I did that. Like all casual. You know, that was a while ago. How long ago? Like three weeks ago. You know how many people will be into you?

I think so. Oh dude, the Barrett community, you're huge in that community already. Huge. I'm not huge in that community. I'm no Mac SF. Oh, that guy was the best. We were supposed to have him on the show. Mac?

Yeah. In San Francisco, I think we wanted, we invited him out. My boyfriend was, was a. That's right. Yeah. We got, we got to get back with that. Yeah. We do four years later.

We definitely should reach out again. Yeah. He was great. The number that the boyfriend sent some clips and we were like, whoa. He's intense. Yeah. He's real intense. A lot of scenes and like bathrooms with four dudes and.

Yeah. It's really beefy. And a lot of, you know. Thank you, sir. Yeah. A lot of that stuff. A lot of that stuff. Yeah.

This is actually from a Mac SF right here. This is wrap your head around that sound for a second. That's not Mac. That's the other guy. You've never heard that sound in your own personal life. I mean, that is. And. Yes, sir.

That is Mac SF. Yeah. That's the other guy. Yeah. Look at it. Thank you, sir. If you, if you want to see some real shit, it's intense. It is not like a, you know, novice level gay sex.

It's really fucking gnarly. This is, this is the pros, man. If you're into the amateur stuff, don't, don't. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Just put it in there.

It makes you think you're really missing out on life, you know. When you listen to those clips. Yeah. You're like, what have I been doing? And not that. Yeah. Not that. No one's, no one's talked to me like that before.

Wow. I eat the ass and pussy all the time. I got nothing. There you go. Oh boy. I saw Yoshi too. I ran into him last night. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I saw Yoshi too.

I ran into him last week. I met a black woman in Yoshi last week. Seriously? You tell your story first. No, I just saw him. I mean, he came back from the Middle East. He had some crazy stories. So.

Hooker stories? Of course. I'm sure. I was at FedEx. Ah, FedEx. Yes. And I'm looking at the woman across me, a black woman working behind the counter. The light is reflecting off of her name badge kind of oddly.

Like, you know, you go like, I can't really make out the letters. It's like a shiny name badge. And then I go, this can't be right. I go, is your name Yoshi? And she goes, yeah. And I go, really? And she goes, yeah, I go, would you have a military parent? And she goes, mm-hmm.

And she goes, he was stationed in Okinawa. So that's why they named Yoshi. I go, I have a Japanese friend named Yoshi. And she goes, yeah, yeah, people are always trying to figure it out. But no, my name is Yoshi. It's my real name. What do you think is a man's name? That's weird.

I don't know. What do I know? Her dad liked it and gave it to her. Wow. Look at you, Yoshi. So shout out to FedEx. And whatnot. And whatnot.

You know what I'm saying? For real though. Okay. Okay. All right. All right. You know what I'm saying? God is good.

God is good. All the time. Yeah. Wow. Gotta keep pushing. Yeah. Did you get to sleep at all while you were away? Lucky.

One night. Yeah. I had to do notes Friday morning. Oh, yeah. I would ask how that goes, but we can't really talk about. No, I know. I had to like, so people know that means I had a phone call with agents and networks like, here's what's wrong with what you wrote.

So that. Yeah. That's always fun. That wasn't so bad. It was just that I had to get up to do it. I was like, oh. On your one day away. One day.

I know that I could sleep. I had to get up. Fucking sucks. And then I was up because there's an hour phone call. Source. I know what happened last night. There were these two girls from Alabama sitting in the audience and they were young and like hip looking.

I'm like, you guys are definitely from here and they're like, no, we just moved here from Birmingham. I'm like, good for you, dude. That is huge. You know, we have like one listener in Birmingham. No, we don't. Slade Monk. But he's not the only one.

Yeah. No. Five others. No, it's more than that. It's not that. It's not that small. Birmingham's not like a tiny city. Remember when we went there and you order like five different thousand chicken wings

after the show. Yeah. We did a show at the, uh, whatever dome, stardome. And then. Whoa. Yeah. It's a fucking phone. Have your phone.

Yeah. Yeah. Then the, um. We went to a wing place. It was like a popular wing place. What is it called? Buffalo wings or wild wings? Yeah.

I think wild wings. And then I was like, I don't know which one is like the one to get, you know, when you go like, what's the good one? They're like, oh, people like this. So I walk out and you're like, what'd you get? And I go, I think I got like 40 or 50 wings. No more than that. He gets so many.

Yeah. And then we sit in there in the hotel. It's like five, 10 wings. And it's like, I feel pretty good. And I'm like, well, just so you know, I have 45 more wings. We literally had like 10 boxes. I'm like, baby, what did you do, dude? I did.

Yeah. A little much. I did like a sushi order with wings. Yeah. That's good. Roll tad, roll tad. Roll tad. They're so nice.

Roll tad, roll tad, roll tad, roll tad, roll tad. It's so weird when they're friendly to you in the South. Hey, y'all. Roll tad. Hey, y'all. Roll tad. Hey, y'all. Roll tad, roll tad.

Yeah. It was really, that was a good trip. Yeah. I did actually enjoy it. We drove through the South, remember? Some of it was really pretty. We did Nashville. Did we do Atlanta?

I don't remember. No. I don't think so. No, we did. We did. We did. Yeah. We drove through Tennessee, remember?

You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. God is good. God is good. By the way, speaking of the South, thanks guys for keeping Trump alive in the polls. Oh my God.

What an embarrassment that is. Yeah. It's pretty wild, right? It is. Yes, he can. But we thought, why not bring out another candidate who maybe could rival Donald Trump? So we have a clip of another candidate to consider. Well, of course, I believe that I paved the way for Donald Trump.

I brought ridiculousness to politics and he saw an opening and he jumped on in there. So I think there is. I think I am playing towards my own base. I'm playing towards my own constituency. You know, I have my own people. So yeah, there's plenty of room for me in this mess for sure. In fact, I am on the ballot here in New Hampshire. I am on the Democratic primary ballot.

It's a vermin supreme. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So, you know, I'll be just thinking that if you are considering voting for Trump, why not consider voting for vermin supreme? Okay. There's a lot of ideas if you want to take a look for our people that aren't watching our YouTube, babe.

Could you describe what you see in vermin supreme? Yeah. Is that a helmet like a Gigi Allen helmet? Or is it a I can't tell. I think it's more like a wizard. A wizard. Yeah. He looks like a like a hippie wizard, a full gray beard.

He's got an American flag embedded in the beard. Is there a broom? Do you have a broom? Is that what? Oh, I couldn't see that. Yeah. He's cleaning up the streets. I think that's what that metaphor is.

He's got supporters. Guys with rainbows and unicorns behind him. Yeah. It's all kinds of cray-cray. I've known for four basic platform planks to my platform that are as follows. Of course, zombie preparedness. The only candidate with a zombie preparedness plan and I'm going to harness the zombies for energy sources by utilizing the latest in giant hamster wheel technology.

We will have lots of zombies and we'll just sort of dangle brains in front of them and then they will turn the giant turbines creating energy. That makes sense. He makes more sense than Trump. I think he makes a lot more sense than Trump. And the whole, I'll tell you the idea that I didn't know there were that many stupid people. I knew that there was a lot of stupid people.

I didn't know there were that many. Yeah. It's so appalling that people are and I think it's such people. My family are even ended from what? Yeah. Really? Very bad. Who?

Can't tell you. I won't tell you. Off the air. Off the air. It's intense, right? It's so dumb. It's so fucking dumb. I know.

He's the dumbest buffoon ever. I mean, he's a failed businessman. He's a, he's just a complete failure. He's a megalomaniac personality disorder. Yeah. We're talking about a guy that just has filed bankruptcy fucking five times and, you know, he just licenses his names out to places. It's the only thing.

He's not even like a really savvy businessman. Yeah. And he's a bigot pretty openly. It's kind of crazy. He's so fucking annoying. I mean, I actually feel bad for conservative people because he's not one of you. You know, he's not a conservative. He doesn't really give a shit.

I know. He's just like, whatever. What are you doing? I don't know. Are you putting on my shoes? I feel like you're selling my shoes. Oh. So I don't know.

I just, it's horrible. This guy's got some sense. But that's what I'm saying. This guy's got ideas. I know. That's the other thing is Trump actually doesn't know any policy stuff. Yeah. If you, if you bring up any point, well, what are you going to do about immigration?

You're going to see a lot of things are going to be different. Right. What about terrorism? It's going to be way different when I get in there. You'll see. I'm not going to, I'm not going to get pushed around anymore. Oh, okay. Okay.

Yeah. That's really cool. Number two, of course, time travel research. I am the only kid who will go back in time and kill baby Hitler with my bare hands before he's. What? Number three. What about Jeb Bush?

Well, once again, Jeb Bush said he would kill baby Hitler. Hell yeah, I would. I say, I'm gone. He's promising he's going to go and kill baby Hitler. That's huge. Wow. I mean, what politician nowadays will make such bold claims, but not a lot. The wizard.

Wow. Awesome. And the thing that I want to know is how will that affect this drop? Hey, Hitler. I mean, you realize if he actually does what he says going to do, when I go to press that button, there'll be nothing there. There'll be nothing to, oh, you're right. Yeah.

Time travel. Wow. That's kind of ruins a few episodes of our show. Yeah. We're going to have to write into this guy. Yeah, dude. Maybe could, I don't know. Maybe a while.

I like this guy. So now, now you're seeing somebody who's out of the box, but makes sense. Yep. Not like Trump. He does make more sense than Donald Trump. And then, of course, mandatory toothbrushing laws, change of bodies has been eroding the gum line of this great nation of ours long enough it must be stopped. For too long this great country has been suffering a great moral and oral decay in spirit and

incisors. Our country's future depends on its ability to bite back. We can no longer be a nation indentured. Our very salvation is at stake. What this mandatory toothbrushing law is really about is strong teeth for strong America. May we become a sea of shining, smiling, shining, smiling, smiling, smiling, smiling, smiling, shining faces from sea to shiny sea. Thank you.

I very much agree. Wow. This guy listens to our show. This is a lot of stuff that's tapped into the show. Weird. Yeah. He's in the dental updates. He's into Hey Hitler.

He's into all of it, man. Wow. Yeah. Whoa. I would say that he wants us to, feels okay. He wants to stop saying Hey Hitler, but you know, I would say that in this case that makes sense. Yeah.

You know, but he definitely likes dental updates. Clearly. And again, those, the little bit we've seen here, much more policy savvy than Donald Trump. Yeah. He actually has tangible ideas. Yeah. Real ideas. Real plans.

One, two, and four. What about number three? Oh, number three, of course. Three ponies for all Americans. It is, of course, a job stimulus creation program, and it is a federal pony identification program. Won't you have to raise taxes for that? No, they're free ponies.

That's a guy's great. Yeah. Is he in San Francisco? I don't know. This seems like a San Francisco kind of guy. I don't know, but he's really, I don't know. I'm a big fan. I'm a huge fan too.

Verman Supreme. All right. So, I don't know. If you're a Trump guy, maybe reconsider, maybe start thinking about. What is he running under Verman? I'm assuming an independent, yeah. We got to wrap this up pretty soon. Oh, okay.

Do you want to see this real quick, because we've been really high on ours. A succulent Chinese male. And a lot of people have been asking about it on the show. Here is a, well, I'll let you just see what it is. You wouldn't use a dry paper towel to wash a dirty car, so why use dry toilet paper to clean up in the bathroom? Yeah. You don't need water to get clean.

Yeah. Improve your bathroom routine and get completely clean with a new bidet buddy. Look, traditional toilet paper is rough and scratchy, but bidet buddy spray gently washes you clean. Paper gets messy. Paper can be expensive. Right out of paper. With the bidet buddy, you don't have to worry about any of that.

Wait a minute, but you still have to use paper, you dummy. Well, yeah, but all I can think about in this ad is just thinking of this woman taking a shit. Me too. I'm like, just picturing them shitting. I picturing her wiping, not shitting. And I love the argument is you just don't want to waste toilet paper instead of like, hey, it feels nicer there.

She also said like you ran out of paper, like, no, you don't. Like it's a big problem in every household. That's the argument. You're always out of paper. Yeah. It's an efficiency. You save money. Yeah.

Look at me. A picture of me taking a shit right now. You would not even. And this nice blonde lady takes shits of the bidet. She takes shits. I never would have thought that. Listen to this lady. But then she does.

Eve, how clean you feel after you go to the bathroom? Now I picture her with like the sweetest, cleanest little asshole. This has like a pink waxed, just super clean asshole. Relax. I just want to eat up the booty. Okay. Relax. I don't like go to the bathroom.

She should just say it's specifically for shitting this product. I've literally never felt like this before. Water. Yeah. The toilet paper just pushes this paint around. The wipes leave residue behind. Yeah. It's true.

It's true. But anybody uses fresh water to rinse you clean, leaving nothing behind. Now why didn't they use brown stuff for this? This is like a, what is that? Purple? Yeah. This is true. Purple is an interesting color choice.

Make it brown so we know what you're talking about. Our blood. Our red. This is deep, deep blood red. You're probably used to seeing a lot of blood when you go to the bathroom. With bidet buddy, all that blood gets washed away. You're used to pools of blood leaving you when you sit down to go potty. Now with bidet buddy, all that blood gets flushed away.

Right. Right. Incredible. And you can adjust the water jet to burn. Perfect for kids. She high fived them. You could wash your little asshole and high fived her. I like the firm setting sounded really firm.

Yeah. That sounded like a hose. I don't know if you wanted that hard on your asshole. How happy she is that her son's has a clean asshole. Yeah. He took a shit. And parents too. And anybody who suffers from hemorrhoids or IBS.

He's so happy. He's like, he's got a newspaper under his arm. Good for him. It's like my dad. He's going to come over and use our bidet. My grandson cleaned his asshole and then my old asshole is clean too. Needs a bidet buddy. I'm a truck driver.

I sit all day. You know, he could take a shit. Yeah. That's what that's what he's saying. He's like, I'm a truck driver. So you know I can shit. Yeah. Nothing cleans like the bidet buddy.

I just love it. It's just easy and toilet paper, you know, it's not as clean. No, it's not. They're making this sound like you bidet as opposed to using the toilet paper. Yeah. It is. It should be in conjunction. Yeah.

Water on your asshole. Yeah. Wow. What a neat commercial. Thank you. Yeah, man. It's pretty good stuff. Oh, God, we got to get going.

Yeah. That was a lot of fun though. Yeah. God, I thought I was fat in that picture. All right. Babe. All right. Good day, buddy.

I'm sick of wiping. We got to run. If I could just stop wiping. Yeah. Guys, thanks for listening to the show. Bye, love you. Thanks for watching on YouTube. Bye, mommy.

Your mom's house podcast.com. Make sure you check it out. Bye, guys. Bye, meows. What? What? Overflows the water. Turns.

Turns. The water comes up and out and everywhere. Turns on the ground. Turns on the ground. Turn. Turn. Turn. Turn.

Turn. Turn. Turn. Turn. Turn. Turn. Turn. Turn.

We didn't tell you that. Well, yeah, I thought it was an implicit. My panic's called you. There's turds on the ground. Turn. There's turds on the ground. Back up and out. Oh, my God.