Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 336-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: March 23, 2016

There's something about those jeans of yours. They're so...high and so...tight. They're PERFECT. We bring the ultimate dad laugh to the table on this one. It rivals Top Dogs famous dad laugh, no seriously, it does.  Plus we have Locs doin his thang and stuff like that and Tommy doin his thang back and stuff like that. Shout out to everyone all over the world.  Do you know Bryan Silva? You will now. Maybe you can help FREE him. And then, you know what I'm sayin, we count some new you know what I'm sayins. We learn about an evil sushi operation in NorCal and SO MUCH MORE.

Let's go. What's up with it? What you got jeans? Where are you at? Where I'm at? Yo, Friday night, um I'm going to be in Los Angeles. Yeah. Oh, you are. What are you gonna do? I'm doing the improv lap Oh, that's fun. I just did that. You're gonna like that to go to the Melrose improv They have a small room next to the to the main room 10 p.m. Show John doors on the show and he dicks on the show. It's comedy living room. Andy dick. All right. How many living room back in Next week

Evelyn steamer Coming out Saturday already has a sold-out show The second Saturday show is close Still tickets available for Thursday and Couple left for Friday, but if you haven't yet scooped up your Tickets for Cleveland steamer, you're gonna be out of luck soon Um

Additionally, I know I am going to sperm can That's in Washington in the state of Washington. That's at the end of April in Spokane April 21st through 23rd. They don't know where to go How many clubs brand new and then jack me off Phil Florida Yeah, good one the comedy zone nailed it April 5th through 7th is on sale Ceren syringe in Q's. I don't know. What is that one again? Sucking second Q's Syracuse, New York. We'll think we'll work on that April 20th 21st. It's on sale

Here's a couple others that are on sale. They're a ways away, but they're already selling tickets Caroline's on Broadway in New York City. That's April 8th through 10th, New York shitty and then the trucker arrow trocadero theater and Fartlow Delphia Phil her up Delphia Pennsylvania like Fartlow Delphia to Fartlow Delphia, Pennsylvania. That is November 19th That is more than half sold and it's a ways away November. Oh my god. Yeah, they're gonna have to add more shows I don't know. We'll see

So that's where we're at jeans for me. Nice Okay, this Friday. I'm at the comedy store the eight o'clock. I'm sorry Saturday I'm probably do the Saturday eight o'clock show and then up in the billy room I have a spot there if you're if you're in town and you're like, hey I want to see some rad comics stopped by the store on Saturday. She'll probably see Joe Rogan or or Bill Burr who knows and Dean and Pajitsky and then April 1st and 2nd I am headlining the

Flippers comedy club and sperm bank April 1 and 2 and then April 7th the Irvine improved in sperm bank Oh, oh, yes, and the Irvine improved Improv or an Irvine April 7th. You're there April 7th, and then May 27th and May 28th the comedy store in La Jolla You have all these memorized. It's not that many Well, there's only like four things not like you you're you're your map dad's on November, man All right, Gene's December. I got December. Oh my gosh. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, so you've got way more in your head than I do right now Okay. All right. Well, I'm impressed though. You're just like bam, bam, bam I'm I'm you know, I live to you know, I'm saying, you know, I'm saying, you know, I mean, you feel me. I'm talking about

Don't know what you're saying, and I don't know what you mean, and I don't know what you mean Ladies and germs It's a maze what is a maze what a world is that we have a show for you So much to share to do for you now now at this wonderful villa I will get railed by two gentlemen. Okey-dokey in my asshole, babe What so wait, we can't say that on the show Are you ready to party by two gentlemen only if there's two gentlemen, they're gonna show up. All right. Well, let's do this and Are you ready to do this? Yeah start the show

Oh Don't bring anyone loving to this With Don Segura Christina I It's like frying in there well, you know, we got through it and so Listen to the show too loud there you go this

Find this did you find this this clip we just got it just come in or something Yeah, I sent it to you. So someone sent it to me. That's what it was, but this has absolutely made my weekend Yeah, he's such a dad. He's an ultimate dad. It's it's it's it's labeled as a meme which is dad discovers memes for the first time He absolutely loses his fight of mind and he really I mean the laughter is other level, you know Let me pull up the I think the full version. I think your dad worth it It's totally react like this too. My dad. I'm gonna be like this is really funny You like it. He would like it or no He would be like that's funny, but there would be no laughter like there's no feelings, you know

Your dad would think that's really goofy to laugh. Well, he'd be like this fucking guy doesn't want to get laid Obviously, right this guy doesn't get laid. How much do you think he gets laid your dad? So more than you ever would imagine and more than you ever will You know what I'm saying like probably ever. Well, yeah for sure. Well, you know Sit I asked him one time. I was like, how many women do you think you've been with and he goes not enough? That was about five years ago. It's the right answer for him. Yeah, we had a conversation Not even that that indirectly led to some numbers where I was like seriously. Yeah. Yeah, you got numbers Well, I didn't get all-time numbers. I got numbers on one trip. What trip one of his trips

Can you please tell me it was pretty high? What is it? It was double digits for like a weekend in club med No, this club met in the 80s. No, you did tell me about one trip. Okay. Tell me. I mean really? Yeah He said it was a cruise. He went on a cruise one time Oh, he's only ever been on like one He hates cruises. Yeah, maybe that's why well, he said it was stupid, but he fucked like 10 chicks Yeah Seriously, yeah, well, I don't even know this about my dad. I know so crazy. Yeah, when did he tell you this? We were just

Talking about not even about chicks and he was like, yeah, fuck like 10 chicks on a trip. No, where where were you? Where were we when this happened? What was I? Not in the room Was this in the ocean? No, no, no, no, no. No, it was recently. This is recent. Yeah This is like him in our house and you're like, yeah, you got to be shitting me. No, no with our baby Like he's like, oh, look at the baby. By the way. Yeah, like a fuck like 10 girls one time How did it come out? Uh, I think it was talking about trips like vacations and I was like, yeah, I hate cruises

He's like, yeah, me too. I went on this one. It sucked. I fuck like 10 chicks That was a low day. That was a low number for him. Yeah Unreal. Yeah, man. He's a savage. That guy's dna is like that's half of me It's so weird. It's crazy that you don't have more siblings that you know about. Oh, I am sure I do You really think you do? Sure. Just like some third world Thailand somewhere, Philippines, definitely, Colombia, someone. My name is Luck Luck Pajitzki. Yeah Okay, can we watch the dad meme please? Oh

He's so it's so much real joy And also what means is he looking at first time You really realize he truly is discovering this. Yeah, this is The new like so new to him and he can't get over how it's like a baby discovering their face or something. Yeah Oh my god, he's so What a nerd And what is it like the cat is it a cat? Yeah, probably I can't tell He can't wrap his head around this guy doesn't have a lot other thing, you know, I mean like

He's like Multiple choice two questions It really is like Yeah, I've seen I've seen my dad like see, you know something like this that he thinks is funny and just Laugh like like that like this Okay, tell me really usually your dad does laugh at himself the most it's his thought Yeah, but sometimes if he you know, if he tickles him more um, Vietnam

Or the holocaust like what's funnier to your dad? Probably now because it's all those fun memories, you know Yeah, probably no, um, yeah, it's just a lot of bodies Can't even get through it That was yeah, but I have to know the meme now. It's killing me that we can't see what he's looking at Success kid, okay, let's look at that success kid See now, I feel like dad because I don't know it right well, let's see if you lose your fucking mind I'm so lame. I don't know. Okay. What dad's laughing at. He loves it. Look at dad. I got his stuff

Oh, there he is. Okay. Oh, that's cute That's what he was laughing at Ordered a 10 piece chicken McNugget got 11 I got knocked down and I get up again. This chamba wamba. Okay All right, wait thought today was thursday. It's friday Playing peek-a-boo with mom. I can see her I pooped in my pants and made my mom clean it. Okay. Yeah, I think we got the idea. Yeah, it's not as funny as I'd hope Well, that guy thought it was a funny. He really

I do like the ryan gosseling ones Oh, like this is like the sweaters made a boy from a child like that's stupid And then there's one going around that's like cat or muffin. Oh, no, no chihuahua or muffin Come on. You don't like that. It's all right Come on. It's good. You really like that. Yeah, I mean That's really cute and thought like really creative Yeah, muffin or chihuahua is really good. What do you think of damn daniel? Are you into that? What's that? That's the video

You don't know damn daniel. No, I don't know that one. Jesus. You're a fucking liar. I've been out of the loop guys This is um, this is like, you know, all the kids. Oh, all the hipsters. Yeah Is this like Back at it again with the white Daniel back at it again with the white bands And then these kids this thing blew up so crazy they got a Modeling contract offer to this kid. You're kidding. He's a snappy dresser snappy dresser and then his buddy Well, if you haven't been hearing the words damn daniel in the last 24 hours, you know, oh, we can't use this for the interwebs

Oh, okay. Anyways, we know who that is not been on the internet. Oh shit. This guy's funny Whatever, man Can't stop me Um, what's it called fair usage, you know what I mean? There's yeah, it's it's uh It's exploded the damn daniel movement. Yeah Yeah, well, he's really cute. Like I can see why daniel's got good fashion sense. His shit's on fleek. I just ordered some vans myself I like it. You're supposed to say it. You're supposed to say it, you know, I walk out of the room

You go, damn daniel. Damn daniel. Yeah, I like that. You like that. Yeah, that's incorporated into your life now I know. Yeah, I like it. Now. You're not such a mom boner I'm a total mom boner. You know what I've had on a fucking loop and I don't want to find no I'm probably introducing it but It's shout out to everybody out there doing the thing Stuff like that. Well, I had set it up on a fuck of four in the morning I was up and I set it to myself a hundred times

Shout out to everybody out there all over the world doing that thing and stuff like that and stuff like that is the best No all over the world. Everyone everyone doing Yeah, shout out to civilization. Shout out to every human homo sapien up on buypeds well, um Shout out to dogs if you don't know what we're talking about We're talking about crazy loaks who by the way Low-key responded to us. So I can't believe that. I haven't seen it yet It didn't call us out by name, but what do you know, I am smart

I issued the challenge Right where I was like, what's up crazy loaks? If you want to spar blah blah blah And this is what his response was. Okay. I love you, jesus Crazy loaks right here You know sighing. Yeah for reals though Now they want to wonder if crazy loaks is all there I'll tell y'all crazy loaks is all there So he's directly responding to

people saying is he mentally stable and well Crazy loaks is telling you I'm all there that he's there That's to do this take it home sighing for reals though They want to wonder why crazy loaks is shuffling his foot and be hitting at the same time Saw that training Shuffling me for reals though They want to wonder why crazy loaks be coming in with this boxing with punches and punches because he keeps it pushing Shuffling me for reals though if he wants to time it

If he feels like it he will You know sighing understand the message there reals though They want to wonder why my knuckles are like this. Now that is a swollen ass knuckle for yeah, oh that one's real big Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's not normal at all really Hell no look at the size of that. He's a professional fighter. Well, that's a stretch, but he yeah, he tells you why listen what he says From getting to cement training my knuckles and hitting the bag with no gloves on Shuffling me for gloves straight up though a rap shoot Shuggles outside the fans

You know time to change I thought he said your name. I thought he was about to everybody who's seen it goes Oh, they gave me the timecode. They're like at 113 when he goes time A change and it was exciting. But yeah Crazy loaks is staying persistent with a buying Shuffling me for real. So he's in the training zone as of these days You know Love this fans

You know Anybody that wants to spoil crazy loaks. It's all to the good. You need a good workout Shoot. Give me that pleasure You know god bless a body Shit Wow Hey, I will say yeah This guy is focused

He directed his energy at you. Yeah, I would have fucked with crazy loaks now I don't want to fuck with it. No, but I say no the walmart video was playful. He was like, yo, what's up? It's good and that was like focused energy. Yeah, he's really He's in it. So on it with you sagora. Well, I had a little something to say back. Okay I love that boot Check it out people Been talking wondering

Does buns have the cardio? Buns has cardio They want to wonder if buns Can duck and move Oh, but duck and move don't watch out too fast for you to even see because he keeps Pushing you got the finger on it stuff like that Check it people wonder

How is he so powerful? Because of the training because I never stop I'm pushing All the time. Yeah Buns is here and appreciates any challenges for anybody who wants to step into the ring For a sparring session and deliver pleasure Back to them So at any time, yeah, any nor cow

folks that are Saying or crazy If you want to get up with it holler at me man, you know where to find me Anytime I appreciate you all loves everybody all over the world Doing my thing stuff like that. There it is dude. You just threw down the gauntlet

And I like that you kind of took a veiled approach the way he do with you. So you're meeting him where he's at That's what i'm doing. That's a really smart way to do things talk to my agent today. Yeah, I said, um, we think about san jose And because that's where that's where my man lives Oh, well, you were okay So you want to you want to find a venue in san jose? No, I'm saying like if I can get a date booked there Okay, then I can also schedule try to pursue scheduling. Oh, wow You know throwing down. Yeah, man Shout out just goes spar, you know shout out to all of those crazies doing the thing

Um, he should really wrap his knuckles. He should. Yeah, at least the very least, right? Yeah, that one is really proof It's really bad. Well, he's I think he's fired up. I think he's really um He's focused energy. Yeah, he really focused on you. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't know on you on someone. I don't know I I mean, I don't know. I um someone else. I don't know. I want to you know, make it real clear that um, you know, I'm saying you know, I'm saying I got a lot of uh You know saying respect and stuff

You feel me you feel me when I'm talking about. Yeah, so this is all it's all good. It's all love. It's all good. Yeah Shout out shout out To everybody doing that thing stuff like stuff like that um I like when you do it. Can you do it for me now? What's that the first time when you go because you do the head thing you go Shout out to everybody shout out to everybody All over the world doing that thing

Stuff like that, you know, you feel me You know what I mean Crazy looks is fire up. You know what I would love is if he wrote a song Like about this and then if you guys could rap battle, I'll be cooler You know what I want to address is something came in uh, you you mentioned something during our Ads this episode and then there's something uh kind of related to it in an email Uh, let's see. It says dear Tom and Tina. I've been listening to your mom's house Since episode two what I would consider myself a bit of a momcast historian

During the heat of the FedEx FedEx scandal I had that little tickle in the back of my brain saying I remember you guys discussing FedEx In a much older podcast Alas, alas, I wrote it off But a few weeks ago. I decided you know what I'm going to get to the bottom of this So starting from episode 44. I listened to all of your podcasts through and through. Oh my god I'm happy to report. I fucking found it. No I am age episode 151. I won't go into much detail. I'll just give you a timestamp. Hopefully this whole

debacle can be laid to rest When a certain main mommy says FedEx the proper way Thank you. Submitted by Taven. Is it Taven? Taven? Taven? Well, well, thanks for Submitting whatever piece so that every time this name is said I don't hear anything the residents are playing They're playing at FedEx fields or you say FedEx FedEx, you know, I mean that kind of thing But doesn't that at least for me naming rights, it's called right it kills my soul Just a little bit to hear a beautiful stadium

That maybe some man said I'd love to build a stadium Let's let's build a stadium where where the people can get together and yes, and congregate The stadiums are amazing. It's a herculean thing and then fucking FedEx comes and they rename it the FedEx Stadium or blah blah blah and you're like no, no, no, it's not called that. It's called. Am I supposed to hear? Whatever the fuck Wrigley stadium. It's called this you piece of shit After the man who designed it or whatever. I think a lot of NFL fans Yeah, it's fine the audio dropped out. It didn't drop out. You know exactly what's happening. I didn't hear that the audio

You know exactly what's happening. It's a herculean thing and then fucking FedEx comes And they rename it the FedEx stadium or blah blah blah and you're like no, no, no, it's not called that It's called you know exactly what's happening. I don't hear what your guys are talking about. Show some respect to that. He listened to I can't believe somebody listened to Thank you for doing that. Can you admit your mistake now? No, I mean, I don't know what mistake you speak of I just know that this is such nonsense. What FedEx? No, I'm saying that Who the fuck says that? I've always said it that way. Maybe I would had a stutter back then You know what that is a stutter. Yeah, that was my speech impediment

Back when I had one and then I've been in treatment and I don't talk ridiculous. You're so ridiculous That's not okay Yeah, I I don't know. I didn't hear all that audio Okay, uh, thank you tab I'm amazed first of all honor that you listened to so many episodes and Thank you for digging that up and I rightfully will take my place on top of mount fedex The king of the castle don't know obviously I'd said it right as most of you seem to acknowledge so I think you know your place now and it's it's it's at the bottom

All right, whatever. Okay, you know fedex fedex. Whatever tomato tomato tomato tomato. Yeah, okay We're digs. It's all good to me. Well, I was gone. Um, by the way sacked town balsak romano Was um, fantastic. We have we have a lot to cover there. We're going to get into some of the Outside details, but the shows were a lot of fun amazing crowds We just have the best fans up there. Of course. We have the best fans everywhere. See them in braya. They all came out in braya It was so much fun. Thank you. Mommy's for coming. I knew you were in there I could hear you tell what their mommy's because they laugh at certain things that normal people don't it's great Well, it's also, um, it was really neat. I walked on stage

One of my shows and a girl was sitting in the front row and with a marker. She had written on her forehead. Hey Hitler So you look at a girl with a marker. Yeah, and I'm like, oh Jesus or lipstick. I don't know. Let's just write. I go. Hey Hitler's on your forehead. Hilarious. She's like, yeah And all these people were like, hey Hitler like screaming. Hey Hitler Guys the club, uh, the employees are like, what is going on with the girls on the other comment or the other audience members were like Why is that going on? Uh, the hey Hitler theme has been one of my favorite because it's probably the most inappropriate thing We've ever done far the most. Yeah, but it's the most fun and look if you're on board you're on board If you're not go fuck yourself. You're not a mommy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean kind of in a way

sort of um Hey So I'm the place I want to Shit in your mouth is actually in your mouth. I'm hoping that the actually The new place the new thing that takes off is this And what I want to know is where's the come? Um That is a good one. Where is the come what I want to know is where's the come?

Who's that nice lady? Um, it was from a national geographic thing. Um, I was just the the series finale of down We haven't watched it yet. Yes. That's probably that's probably where it's fun. Good point. Yeah Mrs. Hughes is saying this too. Yeah, I was doing some research stumbled on that and then Oh, that's how you found that I think you're down to research. Yeah, I was like Oh 1926 what happened and then yeah, where's the come came up? Where's the come what I want to know is that's the best what I want to know is Come it's so hard to find. It's not like guys just want to give you come. You have to really dig for come

True, you know, yeah Yeah, it's only you know Will the guy come it's always such a hard thing for men to ejaculate You know, it's good that more attention's being focused on. Yeah, and then the male orgasm gets no attention and and also I think it's also cool to help this girl that's trying to find it so badly. Yeah, because she's probably her whole life So like I can't find what I'm looking for So it's making a load so when I was gone, um, you had a conversation with your dad who

Who you guys didn't talk about how many chicks he banged on a trip? Yeah But you did have a conversation with him. Do you want to set it up? Yeah, sure. So I invited all the pijitskis over my cousins shawty and julie and Everybody came to see the baby because I've been keeping the baby under wraps You know, anyway, they came my father Has been reminiscing about how much he hated Having a baby like you specifically specifically me. Yeah, not just a baby true. Yeah, just me

And uh, and so I thought I would interview him about this theme because every time he comes over He like loves ellis, but he's like god god Well, I fuck couldn't pay me to do that shit again. I'm like, what do you what was so bad about about me? He's like, oh, you know the colic you're crying all the time He hated it. He hated it. He just hated the first Part of my life, but then he loved being a dad later. Sure. Anyway, I just thought I would ask him to bust that your phone Yeah, just a casual interview. Yeah, and um, yeah So this is this is what we're talking about is the early days of me my life

Dad went tell me about the best part of parenthood. Tell me when that starts go ahead At three months. No, not three months. He said Oh, I'm sorry at three years at three years after three years you can tell the kid to shut the fuck up see the fuck down Go to sleep. Leave me alone. Let me drink my beer Holy that's right because I heard a lot of that as a kid. I heard a go play on the freeway Yes, of course. Yeah, what's wrong with that? Nothing. I turned out amazing now. Obviously. Yeah, that's right. See tell me about when I was born You said it was the the best three months of your life

Oh, it's bad. That was the worst three months of my whole life. I never forget What what was your favorite part about being a new parent not to sleep For three months for a second. Yeah, wait, so our parents are not supposed to say this kind of stuff to their kids Like you guys I mean you look appalled. Is that normal? I mean, it's a joke. I know it's a joke But no, it's not normal at all. Oh, really? Oh, because I've been hearing this shut my whole life. I just thought everybody Had a parent say crazy stuff like this. No, really? No. Wow. Okay. I mean, there's you know, there's different personalities like I I imagine I don't know like my dad

You know, he falls in line with a certain personality type when it comes to that he doesn't say stuff like that No, because they they're like, oh, what are you? Yeah, they're they're they're kind of like the overly devoted type right they go There was nothing better. I loved it so much. I mean you heard me on that phone call. I didn't mind change your diapers I love these your shit was all over man and care. He's that kind of love you where it's like the overly I mean, I think there's there's a middle ground, but Yeah, your dad, um I mean, I don't think it's the standard. You're not supposed to say that kind of stuff Sucked having you. Yeah. Oh, that's not normal

I mean, maybe that's why I have such high self-esteem. Yeah, you know, probably why I'm saying I'm a comedian hilarious Yeah, I'm totally secure. Good. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up is Amazing. Yeah, that's pretty and he would tell me all the time go play on the freeway Would he say shut the fuck up? No. No. No, there's a joke But but he would tell me uh get lost and go play on the freeway like if he because he he Sounds worse than it is But like he would be drinking his beers. You know what I mean? Like my dad worked a lot And now that I say it out loud as an adult it sounds really bad

This was normal for me. Okay. So, you know, my dad drink like a 12er every night, right? That's normal You know, wait a minute. Are you serious right now? Yeah, you think that's normal? Well, it's of like light beer. It wasn't like It's not like I want you to picture something Miller like what I want you to picture something real quick Just look at me. I can't Now that I know this is wrong, I can't I'm gonna have a 12 pack tonight Right and then tomorrow and the day after

Right, okay. Well, it seemed normal at the time So a dozen light light beers Miller light and the thing is we're talking about we're talking about worried about calories right now No, I think because he drank it was like, I don't fucking know. You know, my dad was a blue collar guy Yeah, I know he was a hard-working guy works on forklift. Yeah, and he worked on in the forklift business for many years He had his own business, but you know, yes, you know That's well over a night is not a lot, right? You're right But again, I I have to qualify with like he woke up for work at the crack of dawn Right, he did this dude worked hard fucking core and was really successful functional totally high

functioning Something I don't know Right so 12 or and then like yeah, I'd be a little I'll be like eight or nine and be like, hey dad You want to play go play on the freeway? And then finally I learned if I asked him if I could have some of his beer Like he put some in a cup for me and then I he put water in it Like I could sit next to him as he was watching he like tennis So he'd be watching his tennis game with a beer and if I drank some of it with him I could hang out with him

That's a cool way to bond with your dad. Yeah It's weird, right? Did you understand what go play on the freeway meant? I laugh he would laugh and say it he'd go go play on the freeway gunlon gunlon and it was a joke It wasn't like angry and I I was kind of like, okay Like I got the message to fuck off. So I would just go fuck off. Yeah, and that's the neat thing about being only Just between like you're on your own beers eight nine and ten. Yeah somewhere later in the beer game Okay, yeah, but here's the thing when my dad is drinking though. He never really changed

It wasn't like he went from like Well, that's what happens when you build up a tolerance When you have 12 a night that kind of happens Right, but he never became angry or shitty or sullen like He was just he was himself but with 12 years. It was kind of fucking weird I mean from the old country, too, you know, yeah, they have a higher tolerance Well, my dad told me during communism everybody was drunk all day like on their jobs because there's no reason not to be Sure, the fuck what are you gonna work hard for? There's nothing to do

I have a cavity drink this bottle of vodka and I'll pull it out with a wrench. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, for sure old country Sure. Anyways, okay, so go ahead. Yeah play play the audio. Who hear my dad had to say about my childhood That's right. See tell me about when I was born. You said it was the the best three months of your life Oh, it's bad. That was the worst three months of my whole life. I never forget What was your favorite part of my whole life including including escaping There's a communist living in an internment camp in italy correct the refugee camp. Yeah, it's a refugee camp Yeah, I know but this is worse You've been born this was worse than being a displaced homeless immigrant

Who didn't speak a word of anguish at the age of 20 escaping from a horrible? Yeah I couldn't drink enough beer Did you drink beer when I was a newborn because of you? No, you can't drink a lot more and I can't go to the store to get the beer because I always have to take care of you What a what a miserable life but a good thing that in Canada you could order beer to the house and the beer company We're bringing it off No problem And then so when dogs are really losing their mind in the background because my cousin shawty brought over her two year old

And the dogs went bananas just chase this kid and the dog stepped in and the kid stepped in dogs showed and everything was really funny Really funny. Okay. Yeah Drinking beer how old was I when you could I'm about three months I'm so glad Do you have any parenting advice for me buy a kid a lease Okay, so that's my cousin shawty who doesn't know what the fuck a and b conversations are And like she chimes in all the time on everything Like I was on the phone with ryan sickler talking about like uh sleep training, right because ryan has a

One-year-old Stella and they sleep trained her and I'm just curious learning about it His method his method because it worked for them and my fucking cousin is like listening to my conversation on speakerphone with ryan and she's like Commenting like no, it doesn't work. No, you can't do it until he's six months old. Let like try me in. I'm like motherfucker Mother is not your conversation. Why did she do that because she's shawty. That's what she does She just butts into your shit like she the personality is like She just she knows everything about everything and you're like, bro, it's not this is not for you like Could you not fucking talk Okay, but anyway, so that's shawty. That's shawty. I love you shawty. I love you, but you know, just a and b electric leash

Yeah, we don't act for so it shocks the kid and it falls on the floor sleeps 10 15 minutes When it comes around I don't have a leash. He's just bolt like oh, I know you those kids on Christina thought it was rude of me to buy her a leash and the airport I was watching this young kids that just started to walk It takes one second one second and the kid is 10 yards away. Oh, yeah, you gotta have a leash. I'm telling I want to keep my thanks dad Yeah, just keep talking That's hilarious. It's so crazy. Yeah, different people in your life that just no one's answering

Yeah, the thing is okay, so the leash they took me to europe when I was like two years old And they put me on a leash Like a harness it's like a leather harness and there's pictures of me In a leather harness. I'm like you guys couldn't just I don't know hold my hand or something. Yeah, no put your the leash I don't want to lose you. Okay. Thanks. Wow pretty crazy savage. Yeah No, please please don't leave mommy. Please don't go Oh Is this my therapy after my dad? Yeah, I'm trying to get you into my shrink tomorrow. Yeah

How do you feel it's primal screaming? Uh, is this real or is it real? Yeah for real It all started this whole thing began in the primal scream therapy group What's this for some people? No, it's not really. Yeah, it's like Burt That's what I said. Really? Yeah, like if you lost that thousand pounds And wore sweatpants. Yeah. Yeah, that's holy very good at this The old hands could let go and be crying within minutes or even seconds great racking sobs and heaves And those scary silent moments when their lungs would seize up

Before the next onslaught You this guy looks terrible. He has a cool ponytail. I know I saw it sitting on his shoulder I'm just gonna touch it like crazy. I know. Well, he wants you to see it That's the one that he people with ponytails you have to display at the men a guy and during one of my shows this week It was like Tom, Tom what and he goes look at it. Look at my ponytail. He showed me his ponytail They have to show you have to showcase it if you're gonna be a dude. Look at his dick. You can see it I just sweat pants. Yeah, he's got sweatpants. Yeah, sweatpants don't look good on you That's one woman was stalking me and screaming

I hate you. I hate men And it's also like a bad acting class. Yeah, that's what I thought this is. Yeah You daddy you bastard. I'm gonna cut your cock up and a man in the group would take this and run with it I'm bad I'm a man I hate my penis. What did I just say? You can see his dick. That's great. That was terrible. I hate these people Yeah Can I tell you something? My dad we need to buy this we need to buy this for sure

We're gonna yeah, my dad's behavior is nothing I think because my mom was such a cray-cray that my dad seems normal by comparison You know, I mean that's why I'm not doing this kind of stuff and crying in the field position How are you not crazier than shit television? Sick comps. I sort of got like watching american tv and being like You're like that's did you think though like families are like that or just on tv? No, I thought that everyone else's family was like that except for mine and like one day I might meet people like that Really? Yeah, what about when you would hang out at friends or boyfriends houses like were they more normal to you?

Yeah, and that's why I wasn't home a lot. Yeah I was always at my friend's house shot. I was shot. His house was heaven They had tuna casserole in their fridge and I was like her mom's so sweet You're like this sweet lady. Yeah, and she'd make there's cookies on the counter and you're like wait. What you guys have cookies Casserole, what's that? Like and now what about when she would come to your house? Was she like, uh Yeah, really? Yeah, I don't think she like we didn't hang out at my house that much because she was more like hey art like Like my dad took us to Hungary. That's right. We were like 18 and uh, she's used to him though So she's been with my family forever. She's just used to it. Yeah, we should ask her actually. I'm not sure. Yeah

Uh, but Yeah, I don't know. Wait. So what did you think of of like sitcoms and stuff? Um Yeah, I don't know. I mean I kind of thought of it as you know, I knew that I knew that my you know You're so aware of your foreign. I you have two foreign parents Yeah, but I had one so the distinction is what really stood out that like my dad was a I could pretty much your standard american white guy, right? He was just Apple pie, you know, and my mom was like this

Total alien, you know, so you really yeah, so it wasn't uh, I seriously get it yet some comparison Yeah, the comparison is what kind of bounce you go. Okay. Like this is the american way of doing things This is like the latin way of doing things and right that's what stands out, you know And he has like he has such the ideal american upbringing That we really would got to get america Normalcy to the fullest and then great and then she would put a little spices on it And she would fuck you all up with her bullshit. She would she was just it was that's what stood out is like that, you know Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I really do feel like an alien because both my parents were

So far so hard to live here and grow up with two foreigners Yeah, then you only think you understand as normal is when you're with other people Yeah, you sit watching tv you go. What or then you go? Yeah houses and you see how they are I just thought I would yeah, that was just their world. I thought a lot of other houses sucked though too, you know Really? Yeah I like my house. I mean, I remember I would go to my buddy's dan dan's house in minneapolis and One thing they always had that we never had was a bunch of junk food and I was like, oh man Yeah, you have like this every they had one fridge that was just sodas. Oh, that's cool. You're 10 years old

Do you go like that's what we're gonna do that and just soda? Yeah, my dad had a fridge in the garage just for fresco Fresco and beer. Yeah. Mm-hmm. You want just a the clock. Yeah, dude Hell yeah, this is great The qua Yeah of that stuff, but he had all the sugary drinks. Yeah, which has a 10 year old is really You know, they they limited what what you could eat your parents. We just never really had that I mean, it was just wasn't on we never were like

Throwing it on the grocery list. I don't I never remember making that request It was that thing where we had soda When you know, it was I don't know maybe a weekend and you ordered a pizza And that's when you would always get like a two liter with a pizza. Yeah, you know delivered. That was the soda. Yeah, we didn't have 20 Cans of just laying around. Yeah, my dad. We always had that my dad So we started to I feel like as I we got older, but you know, they back then when you're a kid That's when diet coke became the craze. Yeah, so my parents had diet coke in the house and when you're young

It's gross. You're like, this is fucking disgusting. Do diet anything as a kid tastes like shit. Yeah, and then all of a sudden Fuck drinks this. I don't know you turn 18. You're like, that's pretty good. It's because you get jacked for me. Yeah. Yeah, so Wow, we didn't have I mean, so I remember his house being go But then I remember just weird, you know weird people's houses. I remember that going weird. Oh, I had a friend I liked actually my mom's um, you know eccentric or different Um

Normalcy was was normal to me because right that's what you grow up with I I had a friend who they're too American. They were like too quiet I remember like nobody said shits each other and they had a goat like a fish pond in their house And me I was like, I'm gonna touch all these fucking fishes and so I was such an asshole I would touch all their really expensive coiff. Yeah. Oh my god. Yeah, I was such a dick. Yeah But they were super super reserved and I'm like, you guys are weird. I don't like quiet houses That's the thing. You know how charles thing is like you have to react. Yeah Tell me like is yeah, love it. So when people were reserved, I always thought it was weird

I think I always took it as this like duplicitous and it's like, oh these motherfuckers are shady like If you're not screaming at me something is wrong. I remember going to my buddy Ira's place when I was a kid. Ira. Yeah, uh, okay He was a little Where did you grow up? This this kid was this is in, uh, Milwaukee and um Um When I would wake up, you know, we spend like Friday night or Saturday night there before they drove us home They would toast bagels

And melt cheese on them and I was like, this is probably the best thing I've ever had in my entire life Huh, I'd I'd never you never had a bagel because you guys are not. Yeah, you know So no funny little hats in our house, but they um, I really did think that was the and I thought that was like rad I go I cannot wait to go to his house again. Yeah, because you know, I would say we Why don't we have that at our house and then in my house that would go like, huh? That was too ethnic, huh? It was just oh no, your mom's I like I don't know It was just like just out of the realm of possibilities. Yeah I remember I begged my mom to uh to bake something for me

I'd be like mom like all the other moms they bake stuff for their kids Well, fuck these other moms. They don't have to fucking work for a living and I'm like, okay I'm sorry good conversation. It's fun. Yeah, you mean you can't half hour your life. Okay No, I'm not talking like making from scratch like just buy a fucking roll of pillsberry, bitch Yeah, cut that shit up put in the oven. Oh, let me tell you this before we get too far away from it. Yeah, um, so in In uh, we are ordering this by the way. Oh, definitely. Yeah, we were blue band making note of that. Yeah, we gotta get that um, that's great. I was in ball sacramento this weekend

and There we get in we decide to go get some pregame pre-show meal We go to uh to get some snuschi so we go To this place. It's really close to the club And We order food

It's media. It's just like it's it's okay as far as sushi places. It's not a You know, it's not like oh, wow, the sushi here is amazing, but it's like it does the job You go it's not bad. It's not great. It's fine. It's not a succulent Chinese. It's not succulent, but it's fine I order we're done ordering. I'm there. I'm up there with blue band um The bill comes she drops off the bill now. I'm on a business trip and You know, this is not unusual most comedians or even people that just travel for A living a lot have their they're basically personal expense card and your business expenses

It helps you organize do your taxes and whatnot. So I pull out my Business card, which happens to be an American Express card I put it on there and I say, you know Ready to pay the bill so the server Just kind of very shortly rudely in my opinion responds

Be so mastercard cash. No, she's a white lady. It sounds like no she to put this on it. She's She is a all the Hungarian losers just got a real treat. Just say she is a You just yeah Do you want to can we translate what you just said old pussy eyes? She's Asian Okay, my dad taught you that your dad didn't teach me. Okay. Good. So wow She's uh, yeah, not from around these parts and says visa mastercard cash and I go she goes, which do you have? Which is not Yeah, it's not an appropriate answer. It's

Yeah, you can I think you can go. Oh We don't take American Express right now. What do you what do you have and I go This is what I have. She goes. You don't have anything else And I at that moment I go it's kind of interesting that she asks that Because instead of saying instead of reiterating that they don't take it, right? She says you don't have anything else So I take my chances and say no I don't have anything else In other words, like how are we gonna resolve this?

And she goes, okay, and she takes the card And she walks away and I go, oh I guess they do take so you assume she's going to use the card. Well, yeah, I mean she took it She took it. There you go. She leaves with it, right? She comes back. Now when she comes back She puts it down and she goes really loudly So that the whole You know section of the restaurant can hear she goes your card declined. Oh, yeah, okay, and at that point I'm bothered for a number of reasons a

I know that she's lying. Yeah, okay. I'm 100 percent. There's no way it's decline And and I'm actually going, you know, I'm about to investigate But the other thing the thing that really bothers me more Is that her tactic to get the form of payment that she wants is that she's trying to humiliate me right she's trying to She's banking on My announcement that your payment has been declined is going to shame you into paying the way I want you to pay instead of just being straightforward and and from the beginning like oh, I'm sorry, sir We don't take America which you've heard probably many times before and then you deal with it accordingly

But she left with the card right to run the card, right? So she's right. So when she said your car was declined I know for certain that she's lying And just to that make sure I go. Okay. I flipped the card over. I go. I'm going to call the credit card She walked she's like hmm kind of didn't anticipate that that would be an option Walks away Okay, walk away. I call the credit card company American Express Hey, what's up? I'm at a restaurant and they just said that my card was declined. Was it declined? No

And I said, well, so what's happening? He goes. Well, there's no attempt made to charge your card. Wow And I said, okay So now I'm I'm pretty pissed about this, you know, so she lied. She blatantly lied So then I go, hey, I'm on the phone with the credit card company Yeah, and the card wasn't declined and she just goes visa master card or cash And I go, no, wait, that's what she says. Yeah, you call her out. You put her on blast Now at this point, I'm standing at the front of the restaurant. She and it's getting, you know, she's being loud I'm being loud

I said visa master. She goes visa master card or cash and I go. No, this is it This is the only thing I have I didn't bring anything else. You're gonna have to run it She was your card declined. I go. No, it wasn't Then she takes the card again She swipes it She hits but she starts doing things like hitting different buttons within after she swipes See the card declined card starts pointing to the to the monitor and I go Look, she keeps saying he goes your card hasn't been there's no attempt made to run your card

So your card hasn't been declined and he goes your card was just used to rent a car Which it was it was just used into checking the hotel which was an amix by the way. They're so good about that Yeah, I go he goes your card. There's your card has not been declined. I go, okay So I said you're gonna have to run the card Or that's you know, that's gonna be it and It starts to get you know, I could tell that she starts Speaking in her puts you seven language to somebody and You know starts talking some shit

And I go no, I'm not I'm not going anywhere. You're gonna have to run the card. Yeah You know, she she starts being more Like verbal like she goes nah visa master card. I go. All right. I'm leaving. I go. I had a hat I left that table. I go to grab it and she goes, huh and she runs She runs from the table back to the front. She goes, I call police. I call police This is for the whole Because she you just you went back just for your hat. Yeah, but I also bailing. I was implying that I was bailing So like she got really scared and then as she she's running she goes to pick up the phone. I go, we'll pay the bill

And she goes, okay, so I take the money kind of you know throw it on the counter And I said as I left I go I want you to know that you're a liar and you're a bad person Yeah, have someone translate that and then I walked out. Wow. It's made up the end But I did say you're a liar and a bad person So anyways, I was really fucking pissed about Yeah, her and it wasn't about not accepting american express It was about the fact that I think I think she's a horrific human being you should be lied

It was like the whole ruse, right? It was yeah, it was the lie But it was why the ruse it was that the the attempt to publicly shame someone. Yeah, not cool I think you know, I don't think there's any end to how How much you should be shamed after that? Yeah for for trying to to to get your way through that method I got back to the hotel um I Put an instagram post up later. Just saying

This place was terrible. Yeah. Um, I didn't even explain really why I just said they're fucked that place, right? and then Dude, it was like it was amazing the uh The listeners of our show Uh-oh, you didn't you you unleashed mommy power around the problem Yeah, you can you got to be careful when you unleash mommy powers because they are strong They it was artwork. Yeah, it is this is this is like this is some of the uh, this is a modern art masterpiece What what has happened? I think this is like a happening what they used to call in the 60s

This is this is fucking art. Yeah, I have to commend I went so great our listeners to know that some of you are fucking Legit comedy writers. It was so funny. I really don't I I can tell you That if you had people that listened to this show that were You know professional comedy writers they were not they couldn't do it funnier than what you know It was so funny. Yeah, these are pure fucking art, dude Here are some of them

This is this is moments after It says uh warning. This is not a poly by friendly establishment My mommy also developed an asian accent after we ate here She can't stop speaking in broken english. Can someone explain this? I'd rather move to the midwest ooh than eat here again Yeah, mommy told me not to go But my boy tom and mr. White folks was in town Saying some hoes and also making kimman airtight and just right

My jeans were a little high, but not too tight. I had a rectum roll And how do you say an asshole ching chong ching chong? Next thing I know mike tyson comes in with bruce bruce and everyone said hey hitler Next time I will go somewhere else most likely on the hundreds block They don't even have any bikes And they don't even know who big daddy canis. I mean like they tighten all the references It's and the best part of this is that people who don't know Your mom's house are gonna read this like the average yellper is gonna be like what the fuck happened in this restaurant

That's the best part read that one Actually a pretty good place definitely try the miso it's hella salty the garden salad was good But the dressing was kind of wet so get that on the side The staff was nice. My server's name was dicko I thought that was inappropriate As I was with a group of children Overall these particular asians make a pretty good soosh one star one star. I don't know I don't know if that has anything to do with our show. No, I think that's just I think someone was legit

But it still made me laugh my server's name was dicko This is this one here. I read on stage and it almost brought the house read it It said this place really makes my jeans low and loose I was treated like a come dog and called big words The food tastes like the devil's driveway and made me brown a six You know, I'm saying for reals though. I almost threw some of sky punches like my boy crazy looks and shit In conclusion, this place seriously needs to heighten tighten their jeans before my mommies and I ever consider Making their sushi into brown ever again

He asked if I had to choose between eating here again and being retarded I would be retarded Good work, baby, baby c From norcross, georgia. That was really fun. I love I like the idea He's like I would never make your food into brown again That is actually what you do when you go to restaurant You're like, I choose your place to make my brown to eat and make brown. That's so interesting. I never that's so deep, bro I never thought of it that way shout out to everyone out there doing the thing and stuff like that I came here to get my sushi on freak was very disappointed

I wore my cleanest denim and pulled them up over my retarded tits The customer service was the worst The fish smelled funny, but the waitress just said what it's only smells. It's okay Which was very confusing because it clearly was not only smells and was not okay When I made it to my squatty potty my how you say rectum puked a straight seven I had to go shit to showers for reels dough next stop brown talk and i'm saying I would have to be a lot more tarded than I already am

One star so funny. Yeah, that was like yeah, how many your mom's house references can you squeeze in so good in 12 hours this place had Like 81 one-star reviews Fully written reviews hilarious. That was not even mentioned. So look I think they got they fully got what they deserved. Yeah, they've already, you know managed to get a bunch of the reviews removed Oh, they did. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah You know that sucks. I'm glad it caused, you know them to think about the way they treat their customers

We don't have to i'm not asking you guys to Bombard them more. That's why I've you know attempted to not mention them again, but just know that Because people were asking like well, what happened? I told you what happened I felt extremely justified in asking people to do that to them Um, well, and it's just it's all in fun. I mean look if they're being removed It's not going to harm them and as it's you know, it's a silly way of getting back at a business. That was shitty to me So, uh, but yeah, just the people go. I wouldn't just do that I wouldn't for fun say hey go fuck up these people's reviews

Just for for pure amusement or because like oh, I didn't think the sushi was good but when I feel like um You know somebody mistreats me or miss anyone. Yeah, of course, then I don't think it's uh, it's really You know going far to ask for that. No, but it's a funny way of getting back. By the way this mug Do you remember who I don't remember who gave this to us crew? Oh, this is ghost crew. Yeah I don't know if you can see it on the camera, but it's it's it says empty jar guarantee australian. He made that I know and then it says didn't doesn't smell done burn in a greasy and it's got chuck wool We just emailed each other yesterday. Oh you did. Yeah, this is like my favorite cup in the house. It's great

Yeah Yeah, they made a couple of those a couple ghost crew one. Yeah, it's so good So funny dude, uh chris and pete. Yeah, shout out to both of you guys doing that thing stuff like that Doing your thing and stuff like that. I know for reals though. Y'all are busy. You know sand Yeah, so there's um this I've been wanting to show you. Yeah, uh, we have so much to share. There's so much today I've collected materials you've collected. Oh, he's back. So this we haven't played him in a while But he's in the news. Did you know he's in the news? No, I'll get to that just to give you an idea. Yes This is brian silva

um Otherwise known as a vine star. Yeah who rolls in swag and He makes um, he made a lot of videos. Yeah Talking about how dope he is and you know, he'll take your girl and yeah doing this thing stuff like that He was doing the thing he's really into his body and his physique and his oh, it's right I mean he looks great. He's always like I by the way, you know as a fat guy Nothing irritates me more than somebody who's Super super thin and goes like I'm super muscular. It's like no, you know, you're just really skinny. I'd like his body

You do I I'd like to have it. Oh you would He's got like a lady's body. It's a nice figure. Yeah, it's not even a regular body It's the kind of guy who I look at and I think what a nice figure. That's what yeah, like a lady. That's what I'm saying I wouldn't mind having a Teenage boys physique. That's nice for a lady. Here's what um Here's to give you to familiarize you With his brand work Here's a little backstory on here's a little bit of what he used to put up

Okay, yo games hollow tips to be on your dinner plate I keep a full clip on my hip that will knock you off the map I'm a savage nigga. I'll leave your head on beat up What's good, bitch? sweat Here's man. Yeah, you mad cuz I'm god nigga You know, he drops big words and he sure does gets away with it. Well, uh, he might that might change pretty soon um, okay, there's uh

little bit of Of news I guess I was mentioning that will make you Reconsider your language Here is uh, some news that aired about mr. Silva Over the weekend Silva is the man who surrendered to Charlottesville police following a multiple hour standoff on sunday The 25-year-old would not talk about wed let up to the dispute nor why he barricaded himself in the house Brian Silva accepted NBC 29's request for an interview at the jail We should so he's being they've shown a clip of him being asked. So I guess he

held Somebody in the home at gunpoint and here he's being escorted with his pants around his knees I'm surprised he's 25 more than anything. I thought this kid was like 17. Well This afternoon not knowing what to expect and all Silva would say is free me Over and over again today Silva stuck to a single message How do you think you should be freed? Because this is a big mix up a big confusion treat me

That's all I have to say. Thank you No, but I also would not address why he took the social media and posted videos while barricaded inside that house So, um Yeah, as he was held up in this house, he posted multiple Videos, um, you know like things that he's famous for Oh, no, like see there's the cops Outside the house Stuff like this. Check it out. Stuff like that. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, you know

bitch has 12 Hey, no, nigga Two right there. Fuck. Fuck them. They suck my big ass dick Zach's nigga, you know, I'm fucking rocking. She clocked out my fucking pocket nigga Fuck them niggas Yeah Pretty good shout though, I'll give him that yeah his black voice is on fleek It's pretty good. I mean it could maybe we could use some of it for tom or black

tom or black or bryan silva Or mr. White folks mr. White folks. I'm the motherfucking caboose Yeah, he's a lamest dude. He's so dumb this kid's the dumbest. Yeah, he's pretty bad Yeah, all right big fucking deal The niggas down here for real. Look at that shit I'm gonna fuck they got told me it's not when I tell fuck y'all niggas suck my dick nigga. Okay, roll up Roll up nigga Look niggas ain't got niggas posted over there. And that's funny. He went from that to free me

Free me right like I'm just in a sense. Why should they free you? It's just a big mix up Hmm I love the I love a guy who's talking the most shit to himself. He's out of his mind. Do you think he's on meth He's he's hot on some I don't know. I don't know if it's mad. He's high as fuck. I think you know Math makes you real paranoid and like remember the henry our old driver Yeah, he's like I would do math and just look for the peephole. No, there's a lot of crack. Oh, that was crack. Yeah. Yeah

There goes my theory. Yeah, I don't know. I think he's uh, he's a little jacked up on something. Could be. Yeah I see you too. Suck my dick. Yeah, okay dick Look at these bitch ass little niggas Yeah They hate me. They hate me. Look at all my shit right there. I see him Yeah, we're gonna try and do him with a tazer and a toilet Look, I ain't got shit. Fuck you nigga. He's not regarded. Look, you niggas fight him with the dean, yo

I swear to god, yo Yeah, these niggas They're supposed to right there. I swear to god I gotta follow this guy on the vine. These are great. You don't have to Um, hey, this is down to seven percent That is it looks like it. Oh, that's this over here. No, that's not the monitor. It's this computer. Okay. Yeah, good. Yeah Good looking out. Uh, look good. Look yo, huh? He just freely uses the n-bomb like that He thinks he's black. That's the craziest part. Yeah, he's 25 years old and he calls himself the n-word

Yeah, he got he gave himself permission. That's for sure. Do you think he calls white people caucasians? Proud. You wouldn't know about that because you're caucasian He's like he's under he's under privilege. Yeah, you know, he's one of those guys you're probably right that he probably goes All these caucasian motherfuckers came through. Yeah, he identifies as being uh, you know discriminated against I don't know how but Wow. Yeah, man. Wow. Wow. It's uh, it's certainly something intense Brian kind of makes you go and what I want to know is where's the cum? I like that a lot you do and she's so inquisitive what I want to know is

And what I want to know is where's the cum? Yeah, where's the cum tom? Yeah, and I'll tell you Just to make sure I watched that video. Oh, just to vet it probably did she find it a bunch of it? Yeah A lot of it was hiding it was hiding in these guys balls and dicks And uh, then she finds it. Yeah, I even had I made sure um, blue band you checked it out. What did you see? Yeah, she found it, right? She found the cum. Yeah, it was balls full of cum I'm from texas and I love sucking cock And what I want to know is where's the cum? That's the long version. Oh, oh, because I was confused Yeah, I'm glad it's contextualized. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and well, I'm just happy that she found it

Me too. She was like, I need to know. I need to know. I hate when young girls are lost like that Yeah, um, where's that? What's that clip where the guy's like those balls full of cum those cum in those balls? Who's that that's a guy that picked up a That cum in those balls heroin addicted prostitute male prostitute, right? It's a question if there's cum in the ball Yeah, he's like other he goes. You got a beautiful. Did any cum in those balls? Here's that that new york. Okay. Yeah, you got any cum in those balls Yeah, you like uncircumcised guys as I recall, right? Yeah. Yeah Yeah, like red heads red heads blonde pretty close close to it blonde. That's not close at all. It's not close

That's why we hang out for a little bit. I don't know how much money do you want? How much can you give me? 20 30 Okay, come on I wouldn't even talk to that guy for 30 dollars let alone suck his dick. I mean how about how much can you give me? 20 I'd be like, all right, man. I gotta go What's What's tom suger? What's a tom suger a blowjob worth? You know, no, that's the thing. He's get he's letting his dick get sucked

Oh Right, why about dudes want that for free? That's not like a yeah, but this guy wants to suck him Right. See a lot of chicks are like a lot of girls come up to me. Yeah Um After shows when they're like, how much to suck that dick and sure Busy right now. I'm busy. Yeah, and then I'll go how much you got And they're like 20. I'm like And then you're like, where's the cum? Where's the cum?

And they walk back to his place You have to pull before you come over. I never come to come uninvited. Don't worry about that It's making sure So you got in coming those balls There it is There it is. It tastes good. It tastes good. So you got any cum in those balls? You know what it reminds me of is like for some reason I think of like a deli Like that's the guy that works behind the deli

You want pastrami you got any cum in those balls? If you want a cherry cola and cum in your balls It's like it's that that accent is not sexy. No that kind of context. It's not You know, it's not good. You got any cum in your balls. You got any cum in those balls? Yeah, it's like it's not right. We got a turkey on ride. Yeah, exactly looking for a guy with cum in his balls Right. Yeah, I went southern. Hey, y'all. You got any cum in your balls? Like that's kind of nicer. It's totally different Roll tag that um This guy. Hey, y'all. You know, he just sounds grimy. Yeah, it's it's a rough. It's a rough

Yeah, it's a harsher accent for sure. You got any cum in those balls? That's like your uncle ira Yeah What he jerked you off on the ferris wheel, babe So I got this song that you sent me Yeah, you did Oh, we're gonna do that now. I think oh my god. I'm so excited I've been holding off watching it because I wanted to watch it with you the first time

So I haven't actually watched a lot of these Okay, because I wanted it to be a surprise This is um, I'm so excited our man. We've we've played him on the show before um His name is oh does he have cum in his balls? He's got cum in his balls His name is nick hawk if you don't know So great

He's um, he's so amazing. He's one of the main hoes on the show jiggalos, uh on showtime And it's so much nick is he's you know, he's obviously he's the hardest worker in the room I'm more compared. I'm the most competitive. It's very competitive. I'm in the gym seven days a week You can tell he takes care of himself physically Um really goes after it as a hoe, but um on top of that. He's also a rapper. I've been working on my raps And as a rapper Even on the show He got called out by one of the other hoes or vinn. Yes. Hey, hold on. Just you know, he's from jiggalos. Do we say that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, uh, he's super airbrushed here by the way. Yeah, I mean that's really But no, I'm sorry those tattoos are this shitty in real life too. Yeah, but they've also airbrushed or whatever wait in real life How do you know? Because he had come in his balls and I found it No, um, you know, I've seen the tv show. They can't do it for tv all every week. Look at look at this mess, what the fuck it like what it's way crazier now. What is that? It's way crazier. Is that a cover-up like he had some swastikas or no, it's like um swastikas I don't know

I'm drinking too much coffee. What like like you gotta cover up those swastikas if you're gonna be a ho here I'm gonna ask my cousin. Julie. Julie listens to the show. Julie. What the fuck like why why this mass? This doesn't look good. It can't be Can't be the primary tattoo, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah Looks fucking terrible. Did she watch it? This is my favorite. No, she listens to our show though. So maybe she'll Oh, yay Christ It's so it's so much. Yeah, Nick Hawk man like they Nick Hawk. Let's see. I can't I can't tell you like I'm not

I just I hate on his level of uh, he just fronts so hard like now. It's um, oh, yeah, it's more intense. You know You can't really Yeah, yeah And he's got his little nip nip pierced and oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah It's it's a lot man. The guy's a lot. I think when men are this fit Personally for me, it's very effeminate. It's very vain and effeminate. That's what I'm talking about No, I'm serious and I'm not just saying that because you're not to be a people pleaser here But I'm serious. It's not attractive to me. Well, it's not just being in shape

It's the way that you present how you're in shape. It's vain. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's wanting to be fit But like this this nonsense So much is ridiculous. You're a ridiculous man. Oh my life. Oh my he's added a lot Yeah, that earlier shot. Sure Um, anyways, this is not what we're we're not focusing just on nick. Yeah, I mean look tattoos internet themselves are not lame This guy is kind of we want to talk about his new song. Oh my fuck Um, this actually came out Fucking last week

So we played. Yeah, we've played Yeah, I know we've played breaking this god damn it. We're breaking breaking a sweat the name of this song If you listen a few episodes back, I don't remember the episode number. We could look it up We uh, we talked about his rap battle with vin that we played on the show that they were on it was on jiggalows So anyways, this came in It's a song that he's put out. It's called breaking a sweat I'm sweating and we'll do I'm so embarrassed for him already. Well, you shouldn't be I think we should legitimately give him a shot and let the listeners decide

Whether or not this is a a good song You know, it's like radio stations do that. They're like, is it hot or not? Like call us. Let us know You can't really call us, but you can certainly let us know Oh, you can certainly comment on youtube on the video itself and let let a brother know if he's on All right, so here it is people's court. Okay. Oh shit breaking a sweat. Hold on. Hold on. I gotta get ready. You ready? Here we go. Okay Oh I've been through all the shit that they said it doesn't make sense

So far it's really good Holy shit You can't break me I can't be broken. You got any sweat in those balls Oh man, look what we're all wondering Nick is where's the comp? So wait, where's the video? I thought we were gonna see some visuals and I'm upset that I hope he makes a video for breaking a sweat But it does look like he has a bunch of other songs on cool. I'm ready. I'm ready. Are you know, are you gonna you want to get into all of them? All right, this song what's the verdict on breaking a sweat? It's terrible. It's really bad. It's terrible

You're really this is this isn't your best work. This is a really bad song But in Nick's defense you buy an album a lot of times you go Sure, you know, it's an accomplished musician and you say sure this isn't their best song Maybe this not might be not this number. Maybe another number. What about born to be bad? Sure. It's got eight views Breaking a sweat is 20 and this is 8. Born to be bad, huh? It's like It's kind of an original premise. Let's see if born to be bad is um Is good. Okay. I'm so embarrassed already for him. What part? Oh

10 seconds in it's better than breaking a sweat. I'll tell you that. Yeah, this is better than breaking a sweat. Yes I like the artwork Yes, it's um, it's 15 different looks from him. Yeah. Yes. He's very emo You can't blame me for it. You sparked my fire. I paid a lot more. I walk a tight wire I keep hearing these voices screaming pull it and I listen i'm dangerous i blow up Demolition they ask for patience. What what what? I'm sick of waiting. I all right. Yeah Is it me or is is it off the timing like he he wraps not in time with there's a lot that's off. Yeah. Yeah okay

Is there is there an actual video? No, these are all just the songs Uh, there's jiggler four views four months ago. It was for groupie pitches Step up What do you want to hear? I'm out of this world. We fight um It's up to you. Well, look leave leave with me. No tip it and sipping has 103 views

That might be the song of the album. Is that the breakout hit? It could be if it's got 103 views This is the last one. Okay. Okay. It hurts my soul. I think we should yeah, we should give it a break after this So this is our last shot. We're gonna go with the highest viewed song on the album Tip it and sipping. Let's see what happens We It's not good It's better than the other two songs. It's not better than for those 26 seconds

It was you know, it's really hard to do What's that? Is to have a no to have a video up for four months on youtube and only have two views That's actually really hard There's not a lot of videos that have such a low view count and there's one has two views and it's been up for four months How do you do that? I don't know It's even someone stumbles on it accidentally It looks like it's his page

He just he doesn't have he doesn't have a good Um cadence. He doesn't have a voice for rapping. He he isn't good at actually writing lyrics. Yeah, and This is a bad path It's for him to take it's not good. Yeah, can I talk man? I'm gonna throw it out here. Why he's failing Yeah, do you see how there's like 12 personalities of nickhawk in that? Yes? That's the problem. The guy doesn't know who he is and what he stands for Because if you watch the show too, he'll show up at the bar like this guy in the middle

Right, you don't know who this guy is the next day. He feels like this. Right. Yeah, I know he's he doesn't know who he is He's confused. It's all right. He needs to pick an identity takes people a while sometimes. Yeah Yeah Yeah What else? Oh, yeah The thing is nick I am Who do you think you are? I am

Something to think about Right. Yeah Something to think about Um, so I have this to show you good life He's pretty cool. He's a confused young man. Yeah, man. That's it's all bad. Something's wrong. Everything here It's all bad. Thanks for taking that off. I feel better now. Like he makes me feel weird. I feel uncomfortable. Yeah I feel his pain or something. I don't know. Yeah, I feel like something's wrong. So Um, oh, okay old school. Is this the episode you were on?

Yes, I was on this episode of yo, I'm two raps man. I miss you. I'm two raps. I really loved that show that show Man, it was it was seriously what I look forward to so much during the week was to get to what day what day was this on? This was on What is it original air dates? Was it a weekend show friday saturday? I can't remember now I used and I used to never miss it. That's funny. I used to watch 120 minutes every sunday night on mtv and midnight Yeah, that was a good one to stay up for And they play all the alternative videos. There's no videos anymore on mtv, right? It's gone. Oh, yeah, it's done It's all uh 88 to 95. Damn. I feel like it was on

Longer than that. It's funny. Yeah Yo mtv ribbity raps Um, it used to ed lover was on there, right? I remember seeing flavor flavor on the show for the first time being like, what the fuck dr. Dre and ed lover But it was a different dr. Dre right the big guy right there. You see right right dr. Dre And there's dj dadmouth Yeah, um DJ poly by

Yeah, I mean, I remember watching I remember watching Like certain episodes stand out to me I remember when wu tang was on yo mtv raps and they did the the mystery at chess box and um It's like the one of the Looks like the entered the 36 chambers cover and they had like those masks on And I was and hearing that sound it was a sound I'd never heard before like what the fuck is this

That was like the introduction to wu tang was from yo mtv raps. Oh Okay, um to me, you know, and probably to most people. All right. Well, the white kids are watching 120 minutes. Yeah. No, I know It was pretty awesome though. I remember we're seeing red man on There's a lot of people. Anyways, here's eric b and rakim Eric b and rakim. I like these two. No, rakim rakim rakim rakim Let's see Eric b and rakim

Now let's go to the first eric b and rakim video one of my favorites. I like this one. This was y'all like this This is crazy for y'all like that I listen to my lyrics, you know, I'm saying to keep me on my thing, you know, I'm saying I listen to like jazz Don't think for that nature. I listen to like, uh, bob james. The best part of this interview So it's eric b and rakim probably the first time they're on yo mtv raps and they're asking him like so what do you What do you like to listen to and his first? I think it's his first answer Is I listen to my shit. Yeah, so what's your inspiration me? Yeah, he's a smart guy Tom, what's your favorite comedy me? I listen to my own shit my jokes

So I remind myself of what i'm all about. That's what he just said. Who's that guy in the back? What's that motherfucker doing? It's like Just chilling man. That is just chilling. He's not even supposed to be there. Yeah, I'm saying james brown still my man You know what i'm saying? He's still in here I listen to a little bit of everything, you know what i'm saying? Because the lesson is listening to all types of type of music You know what i'm saying? So I got to relate to them or Nate playing, you know what i'm saying? Wow, you know what i'm saying? That was the feeling we don't talk about and just to be sure

Just to make sure we know we have a day Doesn't this this reminds me This makes me um, I don't know. This seems so authentic. It is this is a time when like mtv actually Broke music and musicians wear musicians like these guys were really fucking musicians Not this horseshit of today. These guys were really trying to make it as musicians. Yeah, like this was genuine I mean look at this shit the nick hox of yesteryear. That's what's up, you know

Right, this is before the time of the internet and in competition shows where people thought They could just make hey, I'm a musician. Look at me on youtube like these motherfuckers really did it That fucking chain on erik b. Look at the size of that thing. They guys got the Mercedes Yeah, of course. That was so cool. But back then that was like, what do you think his chain weighs on erik b? It's so heavy. Yeah, that's like a 25 pound necklace. It's gotta weigh his neck down. Yeah for sure I want to get one of those. Yeah, you should spend a lot on it No, I get a fake one just all about the look, you know, okay I'll just start going to meetings like that. But I want you to spend money rope chain like what 25 grand or something

Yeah, but really personalize it so that the resale value is low All right, here we go Here's why that's good short interview. Yeah lots of you know, that's true. Yeah, the ratio is good on there You know what I'm saying? You know what I mean? No the hell we don't you ain't say anything yet And it's a mainstream show which is even better. Yeah, you know, yeah, you know I'm saying now To give him a run for his money because we were like that's pretty cool. You got the god mc right there. That's you know rock him um

Is there anything we can put him up against and then We have this From del the funky homo sapien. Oh, I know that gentleman as well. Yeah So let's see How he does on this right here Everybody in rap should be unified. We all rap it. You know what I'm saying? So when I'm saying, why don't we just build a bad ass Force, you know what I'm saying? I'm not like we ain't got to be told me down with each other You might not like somebody, you know what I'm saying? But that don't mean you should hate them

You know or nothing like that. You know what I'm saying? Who's gonna buy this stuff? You know what I'm saying? That's not cool. You know what I'm saying? What I'm talking about is hip hop as one, you know what I'm saying? That's to be unified. You know what I'm saying? So check this out. How long have you been? So how long have you been? You know, it's a wrap. Yo, why wouldn't you study and all that? I started rapping like about maybe Seriously, maybe about 60 years ago Seriously, like seriously, it's like 20 years old. He's a kid. He started 14

Oh You know what I'm saying is that This I think even if nick hawk were to just start Doing interviews this way. He'd be a better rapper than I think so too But do you see how the back then it was like you fucking started a craft? Yeah, a big amusement at the age of like 14 And not only that people actually talked like people it wasn't all about like I got this more fucking You know what I'm saying? I got money and bitches. I'm so fucking. I'm awesome. I'm awesome. I'm awesome

Like this guy's actually saying something. No, I'm awesome. I'm awesome is one of the best things It's one of the foundations of being a great mc Right is I'm awesome and there's actually a lack of I'm awesome now because what you would say you're awesome about Yes, you need to say you're awesome about your skill set. Right now. It's like I'm awesome I own shit or like material one. You know, yeah, I have a lot of Jewelry Yeah, yeah, but back then it was like you don't want to fuck with my style right and how my flow is just You know, right? It's unmatchable. I'm the nickhawk of you know

of the rap world and so That's what you would say you can't fuck with me on and it was awesome Is your talent not my stuff. Look at all the shit that I have. Yeah now. It's like exactly. It's like I got six houses Yeah, no, it gives a fuck. That's just boring. Yeah, I agree on that But you definitely want to say that you cannot fuck with me on a mic. That's what it's all about. Right, right? Yeah But this guy is actually talking about other stuff. Yeah, it's refreshing to see a rapper Talk about stuff other than bitches and money. Yeah, all we had to do was go back 25 years to right get somebody to say When people were people on television too even watching those guys on umtb raps at lover

Yeah, he just acted like a person like a regular dude. Yeah, it wasn't like hey like totally fucking phony baloney Yeah, they used to have the the real kind of a It's a wacky Now it's like a wacky persona like they have to act. They can't be like, hey, what's up? Welcome back Yeah, he was like he really was himself there and it's so much more relaxing and engaging to watch Yeah, like I actually wanted to see what they what they were talking about because they were normal Yeah, maybe that's why people like podcasts now because we're not fucking

Being phony Yeah, yeah, Jesus. I know that's why it's so popular. Hello Hello He really killed it on the you know what I'm saying. Yeah, it's a much longer interview. So again, you gotta go You know, where where do you stand on that? You know, where are you? You know By the way, big props to uh, the guy that did the interview in a loud environment So you you hear just

And music playing in the background the whole time Now is this guy from what band the far side the other funky homo sapien. What is he in? He's in um, the other funky funky homo sapien. Oh, I thought he was in a band Hieroglyphic. I don't know who this is really. Yeah Um, I like how it cuts to like his different poses. What do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, it's even funnier. Yeah. Yeah, it's great It's great. He's a great. Yeah, you can't you can't top you know what I'm saying now this one. I'm gonna like simply Oh, okay. It's a soundboard. It's a soundboard. Um I like this one because of the change you know, I'm saying in posing

And over the span of a longer interview now. I know in in your world He had a couple that didn't count there because he said, you know, you know, and then those don't count now I heard two, you know Two I might be wrong, but I would say overall is you know, I'm saying peace. This is a very strong submission Very good. This might this might be top 20 top 20 20 I would say it's higher up than that Really? Yeah, really? Yeah, man. That was that was unbelievable

That was really good. What do you think? Um, I don't know tom. You don't know all right, well, um We should uh, we should get moving here We've been we've been it. Oh, no auntie. Fifi. You want to hear that? I'd love that. We have to She's we're tweeting to each other Uh, she she retweeted something and I you know, we got into it on twitter a little bit. I said, we miss you Where's your music auntie? Fifi? Where's your music? And she made something just for us to play so I wanted to to give it to her, you know, okay

Okay, those of you don't remember auntie. Fifi. Uh, she's been on the show She's a nice lady from texas and she makes all these really uplifting songs Um out of like nothing she'll be sitting in her living room and she'll be like Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. You got to stay positive and drink your water like It just goes places that nobody knows. Yeah, um, which is so special and she's such a treat She is I really wanted to Give her as a treat for the for the kids. You know, I love her. I love auntie. Fifi. Yeah, she's the sweetest lady. This is uh This is old version of hers

Facebook Hello, face. What good afternoon I was sitting here thinking about this new year And how is the new year all over the land? As I was sitting here pondering that I picked up a pen and a piece of paper And these are the words that came to me at that time. Okay, you wrote a song an original song. May I share them with you facebook? Yes

Thank you social media this land is your land pen and paper This land is my land from California To the new york islands From the redwood forest

hallelujah To the Gulfstream waters This land was made for you and me God we thank you for the land we thank you for the late hallelujah And because we have the land we thank you for the farms And the song says oh, mcdonald had a farm hallelujah All right, and on his form he had some pigs

Okay Here And god because do we have pigs there's chillings today on our table's god, you're so mindful of your people And we have chillings today god, hallelujah You're a mindful god, you're a mindful god She got to you too. I love it. She's full of spirit guys. So you hit her up. I do love auntie fee fee You hit her up and you said where've you been? Yeah, I go auntie fee fee. Where are you? How are you? She goes, how are you? I go good. We miss our auntie

Where's the music we miss our songs and then she sent me one bam. Yes straight away. Here she goes. Okay. Here's auntie fee fee singing just for christina Yeah Just to be not to be confused with auntie fee. That's a different auntie. Yes, auntie fee cooks Sweet treats for the kids, but this is different auntie fee fee. This is two fees and she talks a lot Watch me Watch me name Oh watch me

Hey And watch me name You better work I love her. She's a sweetheart. She's a sweet lady Um, a voice on her though. She can sing she can sing, you know There's chillings on the play let auntie fee fee know that you heard her song and you love her at auntie underscore Right fee fee. Um, I don't know. Yeah at auntie fee fee with a y underscore fee Two e's and another let her know your mom's house loves her because she's the best dude. She's a sweet lady

Yeah Okay god you're a mindful god we have to pick a song to go out on Oh, there's a filler up contest do we have submissions? Oh, okay We do but that's for more submissions. Okay more submissions. We need more Fill her up submissions and we'll play them Next time So please send them in to your mom's podcast at gmail.com. There's no house Your mom's podcast was taken guys. Yeah, your mom's podcast at gmail.com

You can send a bunch of you know any email you want there, but especially please in the Subject line put fill her up if you're sending a fill her up submission Let's see somebody sent a crazy loke song. Is it good? Really it's it's in the fan songs thing Okay, so here we go. This is our interpretation Of a collaboration between crazy lokes and pillow pants Okay, high and tight Okay, all right. All right. Well, we're going out on this. Let's uh

We'll see what happens. All right. Bye guys. Thanks for listening. Thank you mommies. We love you For real, so you feel me Make famous famous You feel me for real For real, so you feel me stuff like that Yeah, and now we're making money get on get on I'll tell you you guys about my secret That

I ran with my door all the way Stuff like that you feel me Touch a little kid you feel me for real stuff like that Stuff like that Stuff like that Stuff like that touch little kids stuff like that Stuff like that Crazy loke straight keeping it so real real real real real real

Yeah