Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 342-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: May 4, 2016

Whoa those are some awfully BIG WORDS you said there. This week we have some incredible mentions of the BIGGEST of big words. Someone even said it to the Prez! Plus a foreign accent that seems DOUBTFUL and a DENTAL UPDATE that will have you brushing extra hard tonight.  Seems like Mozart was a mommy, 20,000 years ago when he was alive and that's just somethin you gotta Respek. 

All right, we're going. We're going. Yeah sex with me. So I made it Great. Is that where you got to work work work work work? Snappy dad likes this This is sexy jam I feel like I'm at the pool now You want some suntan lotion, baby? Yeah Sprite Vic submitted this song It's like a real real song

Now he made this himself. He didn't use a famous DJ's music and just remix it apparently that happened last week. Oh, no. Yeah, this is dope I like this. I'm surprised you didn't know that being a DJ as well Communities very tight, but there's a lot of you know imposters out there. It's no Rihanna I Going to jack my son bill this week Florida

We just got that now Man, I feel like we lost out. That was good. Jack my son bill Florida have shows Thursday Friday Saturday I'm being told they're moving extremely well. Oh, so your tickets nah, jack my son bill and geez and

Yeah, we'll have a good time man. Who's coming with me Pat house my good friend Pat house From Philly, Delphia He's he'll be there May 20th and 21st only two nights sewer juice, New York Otherwise known as Syracuse Then June 9th 10th and 11th urine, California That's a good one. Sometimes known as Irvine sperm vine. Yep June 16th through the 18th. It's my smurf day. I hope you cancel these shows. I'm canceling. Yeah. Yeah

It's in Gashville, Tennessee Sometimes known as Nashville June 23rd through 25th West Ballsack, New York Where West Nutsack was it was that nutsack? I think it's better than balls. Yeah, it's not yeah. Yeah, so West Nyack, New York really important July 7 through 9 It's a funny bone the new one in Cincinnati. It's actually Liberty Township. So it was a new one. Yeah, thank God Clip click my click my panties

Ohio Because that other one wasn't really in Cincinnati. It was in Kentucky. Yeah, Newport. Yeah, and this one isn't in proper Cincinnati But sure, it's Liberty better than Uses me Anything's better than Newport, Kentucky. I also added shows Just for people to know July I'm doing San Diego, Man Diego. Oh, man, dear American Comedy Company St. Louis is now on sale and G mommy and so is New pork titties

Caroline's July 8 10 8 9 10 and then the Trocadero theater It's way way in the future, but fill her up Delphia, Pennsylvania it is November 19th and I was told there are less than 80 tickets remaining for a November show That's exciting right before the the mama days. Yeah What do you got jeans May 27th, May 28 at the comedy store in La Jolla San Diego, La Jolla and Then you know the comedy store here in Hollywood every Saturday mostly Saturday nights the 730 show

I love to do that early show and I'm working on cities like Seattle Portland Denver Mamiapolis Or else Pajenix Chicago Chicago all these places you're working on it now. Yeah, so my agent's doing that He listens to the show. He does Mike get my shit. How you doing? Mike at UTA?

Sprite Vic again great great song man. This is a this is like a legit. Yeah music song. This is the shit man. Yeah, I Can sing like this I can sing just like Rihanna, and I can Let's move it along No, it's good I'm saying it's good. Let me hear you sing it Yeah, if you haven't picked up Rihanna's new album, it's been playing in the sagora house all weekend a couple months old I want to tear you have the musical taste of a twelve-year-old whatever. Yeah, Rihanna I guarantee we talked about this. She didn't write those lyrics quite that was written by a fat old music Producer record guy the record label is like, you know, you do a song about how fucking you so amazing is I've always wanted to fuck you

Exactly second. I saw you. I saw those that thin like chocolate frame, and I wanted to break it in half You're gonna sing a song about how great it is to fuck you right because no woman is like I'm gonna write a song called sex with me is so amazing, and then she just is this what you wrote. Yeah, all right Let's go How much am I getting paid on the steel? Oh, okay. Yeah, it's amazing fucking me's amazing It's crazy. No women don't say and also like it's clunky where she's like stay up off my Instagram. There's so temptations Because the guy's like I look at your Instagram every day and I jerk off all over my house. Yeah There's no rhyming in that Rihanna album

No, is it in many weeks in a row? Wow, that is dog shit. Yeah, that is pure shit. Really? You don't like that. I like it It's like it's like 12 year old girls listen to that shit in you and my husband my 48 year old husband and 12 year old girls Nice sounds dad are we ready dad is ready to go Farts are you ready to start the show? I'm ready for it. Let's do it. Let me get this here By the way, a lot of people are asking like Tom when you get a mouse here It is couldn't get to work. We got to get another one Dads don't always know how to use tech thing is I turn it on and then the Bluetooth didn't wear your glasses

Where's the glasses on for this? Where's Bluetooth? Say there we go Dad's never know how stuff works. They need help. I know. All right. Let me see here I feel you. I know how you're feeling right now. How much do you want to sex with Rihanna? Have you thought about it? Yeah, I want to have sex with her bad. Do you go to her Instagram like she says in the song. Mm-hmm. Oh, here we go more bullshit Yeah, I'll finish. All right, here we go. Here we go. Let's start the show hot 97 And pun was his height man and pun would always want to use my cell phone And I'm like, I gotta call radio. I gotta call retail and we have like $60

Relativity is like $60 to eat with two fat niggas per day. Yeah Don't bring anyone loving to this Yeah Oh Big words. Yeah, so I were him. I would I use those big words at that station very casually to Like he always this is you recognize Steve LaBelle here. No, he was on an episode of Millionaire matchmaker Was he talking like this? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, memory. She was like, okay. What is your deal? He's a manager

He's worked with a lot of big hip-hop acts. He's been around for you know, probably 30 years And so he picks up the affectations of the rappers and what well, he's like a New York, you know, dude from Yeah, yeah, he's just a black guy with the wrong fucking skin tone And pun was his height man and pun would always want to use my cell phone And I'm like, I gotta call radio. I gotta call retail and we have like $60 relatively It was like 60 dollars to eat with two fat niggas per day. Yeah And and wait, who's in it? He was interviewing wasn't sounding a black guy, right? Well, yeah Well, they get into it actually, you know and the the the big words

big words are actually big this weekend because Larry Wilmore the host of the the nightly show on Comedy Central. He did the White House Correspondence dinner, you know Set where you go up and you basically light the you know, the journalists sometimes the Administration on fire he crushed it. I mean, he was just he was no holds barred just lighting it and that room was not Into it. They did not like he said one time I did a set at the journalism awards here in Los Angeles and I have never eaten shit harder I mean and I this was like two or three years ago. So I've been doing stand-up for a minute Yeah, and events like that are very difficult. I mean they drop the dessert just as I was going on

But I would have eaten shit otherwise there. There are real nerds at this dinner, you know Yeah, and that thing is that's that's a room full of like real-world elites. Yeah, not just press right, but that's usually had there's senators There's right. It's like hosting the Oscars. It's just like super elite people who take themselves too seriously And when you have someone like Wilmore who's digging into you really really lighting people up They go this is in poor taste because they don't feel like it's nice, you know And they get their feelings hurt, but but he ended I mean, let me see if I could pull this up tie this all together. He ended Thank You mr. President When I met Larry Wilmore earlier this month

He told me it's his dream come true to follow the president at the White House Correspondent president that doesn't make sense Here and now to live in your time, mr. This is how he ended the set when a black man can lead the entire free world I like when they pan to the people that are black yeah, they always do that shit words alone do me no justice So mr. President, I'm going to keep it a hundred Yo, Barry you did it my nigga There was backlash even from a lot of people a lot of black people Oh, right. It felt it was very disrespectful to say that to the president of United States

Anyways, I didn't I mean I'm white, but I didn't know But I because I thought it was it was done with a lot of affection I thought he you know, it wasn't yeah, I mean, I realize you're saying it to the president, but I but I was with everything in Comedy, I think the intent is really what can't yeah, it's a black man saying it to another black man And he wasn't saying it the way that other guy. I like the way so let's go back to Steve. Yeah, that's a different Yes, totally different Steve Lobel if I'm saying oh, I thought that guy was the guy the bodyguard from What then we found a kid man Feel like money guys Steve Wilco's

Why do people stress look at the president ain't sweating the n-bomb he's then who cares He's the one it only matters to I think him the president took it the that way that this is coming from plays of affection Oh and a comedian too. He didn't hire median, but whatever people have the right to be But this is this is different. This is a little different here So he's still he's doing the interview here and he just kind of keeps going and then we found a kid man They made a record with 50. I feel like money buzzing buzzing says been in LA get niggas jewelry bag Hold the niggas down discovering people consulting people helping people those real talk You see so they'd laugh. They're like, okay

Okay, I Don't know how I'd feel to hearing him say that stuff. I think I'd be like what wait, can we pause on this? Yeah, he keeps rolling today. It's no big deal. I just drop n-bombs like it's normal Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's really getting into it. Can you lend the nigga a pencil, right? So he He continues I think they must have obviously at some point asked him like what is up with you doing this, you know Or why are you so you have to be part of the community, right? Well, I think the thing is that he considers him. It's a good point

I think he does consider himself part of that community. I don't think he thinks that he's not But I don't think you're you're allowed really in until you you mean a certain criterion, which is being black Well, that would be the thought of a lot of people but not this guy They just know you as like Yeah, if you in New York person like this the problem I live in LA, right and I meet girls and they'd be like Why do you act like that? Why do you talk like that and dress like that? Like you must have never been in New York then because the white boys are just like me And they probably got chats and and they fight go to right because I don't know that I thought well. I remember I told you this I

Don't know what I mean. He's just he's saying like good a rikers. Yeah break this fucking guy I love when white people try to sweat the plight Yeah, my black people haven't like no dude. No, bro. Trust me. You're still not he he's you're causing yourself problems at this point You know, I'm also implying that White people from New York are like black people. They go to jail a lot This is it must be when he like defended his use of it. All right, so here he goes I'll walk into a room be all white people Russell Russell Simmons. It was something they're gonna like Russell. He's he's white Yo, just so you can't explain that so nigga doesn't mean a black person to me a niggas a slave

There's Mexican slaves Jewish slaves black slaves white slaves. I grew up nigga nigga nigga That's my nigga in LA once a blood dude said to me Yo, you said that word and I was around sugar at the time and I was in the studio without laws and stuff It was a lot of guns It was a lot of craziness because a lot of executives who are white They don't want to be around the Hennessy the guns and the dogs They don't be on the tall buses they just want to come around to certain things and take the credit after the fact And he's like, you know, you need to go to bank me only 15,000 saying nigga

I said my nigga you're gonna kill me right now ain't no one extorting me white niggers Yeah, do you think there's a reason that the white executives don't come around when there's guns and Hennessy involved like he Obviously wants to be there for that Maybe it's not a white thing. Yeah, it's just a thing. Yeah, the person who wants to stay alive Doesn't hang out with chug and those people. No sugar is a death sentence. Yeah, I want to die hang out with chug night Even in prison I'd be like don't hang out with that dude. We're not gonna be yeah, we're not gonna be bros like

This guy But I love when he's trying to convince them like I can use the word because because Russell Simmons said it to me once Yeah, and I want to be yeah, and then what do you what? You know a white Yeah Uh-huh of big words. Yeah. Yeah, very big, right? It just kills me when like you're born a white guy, which is like top of the food chain in America big words Yeah, I'm a fucker like you're at the top. Why what are you doing? Yeah, you have it pretty dumb prick

Just be a white guy enjoy it stop feeling guilty and weird about it. You won the cosmic lottery asshole Yeah, you have the easiest position. Yeah, you're making life hard for you. Then, you know, yeah, I used to come I liked that that when he said that this Because he goes he said this he's hanging out in that studio and some blood So some gang bang for man He was like go to the bank and get me $15,000 for saying that word right and then in his version of the story He says it again to that guy. Do you understand? Yes? Like so yeah, I understand his his version of a dude who just a gang member who was just like

Go to the bank and get me money is that he told that guy you're gonna have to extort me Right, but I use the word but I'm gonna say to be on the tall buses They just want to come around this you owe me 15,000 saying nigga. I said my nigga you're gonna kill right my yeah So the guy just said hey, man, you can't say they go get me money and then I'm gonna respond I'm saying nigga. I said my nigga you're gonna kill me right now ain't no one extorting me you didn't Steve will goes to not say Steve Wilco's was with Jerry Springer every day. Yeah, he would never he was too busy guarding Such what a psycho ridiculous shit that guy, but y'all donnie. I'll finish y'all finish y'all done but to

To further the point of Larry Wilmore I think people most people I think we're Pretty okay with it, you know Yeah, yeah with him saying oh, it's a comedian like whenever you hire a comedian to do a job Don't get offended. It's a comedian fucking but I think More than a comedian. It's it's a black man saying it to another black different different same strokes for everybody He sounds like he's gonna cry it And he's getting clowned so hard. Yeah, so respect on my name

Tremblin the voice put some respect on my name. He's gonna cry It is my favorite thing of the last few months. We will we've been saying this for the last week now and that around the house It's great. Yeah, we are finished or y'all done. We're done The Hamilton's man y'all finish y'all done there, you know What's it called the acapella? Yeah. Yeah, these guys are on their tour bus and they just like improvise a song Based on that interview. It's amazing. It's amazing. These guys just are they binary or non-binding these guys I think are binary. Yeah, but yeah, my ear just went out. Yeah, you're still yep. Yep

What's going on? We're good. We're back. Okay. Well, these guys are binary. These are binary I only listen to non-binary music. Oh, okay. Well, this will be a challenge for you Oh Unbelievable So good, they were so good that was so good. I thought that was humor for a second. Yeah, right? It looks like him. I don't see that guy around. I don't see a minute, but he's hilarious. Yeah That's so good, man. Wow, put some respect on me Man, put some respect on my name. He's gonna cry like a bitch. What do you think his week has been like?

I Hope he gets window you saying that I wasn't gonna come in here now Bitch didn't respect my night White blonde bitch Speck it He's gonna roll in here with seven of his homies in your mom's house came into your mom's house I could have came up to the comedy store. Well, I thought I was gangster

Yo, how's Christina? I Didn't put respect on your name respect respect Oh shit. Yeah, I got clowned pretty fucking hard. Yeah, I'm still getting clowned. It's still happening. Yeah, he's got clowned by us again Yeah, yeah, yeah for sure, man. We're a guy. He'll be alright. Believe me. I think so Yeah, how do you recover from him? That's become like an internet. He's worth 150 million dollars Oh, yeah, he's fine. He's not gonna he'll be chilling but why bother I think that get what gets me is that he bothered to come in to the radio show and then he

I think there's also a level of what he did that even though There's no direct set threat. There's a perceived threat and then that's what he's come for He knows that when he looked at when he was walking out of there that those people were at least like Jesus Oh, right and that's and then you could tell you've been Charlemagne afterwards. Like, you know what? I don't need any more. I don't need to interview him again. We're all good. Everything's good It's it's a way to say like I'm not fucking with you. All right, right? Like we're good, man Now Charlemagne you mean the medieval king Charlemagne, right? I meant the god that was sitting at the breakfast club Okay, Charlemagne. Yeah, that is on conquered right hand

Different guy from the medieval Renaissance period South Carolina born got you. Okay Anyways Jacked up, dude It's been a great week. We got a lot of positive feedback on Tom and I discussing the shower that we took together. There's been multiple showers before and after now but I was at the store and Redband came up to me and was like, oh, what a great episode. He goes, but I have to ask you Are you serious when you say that Tom spreads his butt cheeks and puts it up against the water?

And I'm like, yeah, no, that's a real Yeah, and then my friend Eric will text me the same thing like wow that is a bear marking his territory It sounds like he's trying to dominate Spread the cheeks. Yeah, hork Which by the way, so people know I'm used to it being your word I've never heard that right and no, it's not a real it's talking a loogie and I know that so don't fucking email me and tell Me what I'm doing wrong. Yeah, I say it's horking. It's just that's a better word for me horking That one makes me want to vomit and snort snort rockets

It's not rockets really nice and they were in the beard in your beard and then I peed on you That's but that's so standard issue. I thought that was what everybody in any relationship now Well, Brian when his friend whose name I can't remember sorry But she she was saying like is that true that he pees on you to I go. Yeah, man. Is it that crazy? And she's like I've never been peeing on I'm like won't come over to my house P on you too lady. I feel like that's standard issue in a relationship. I thought that was I thought that everybody does that everyone But actually you're the first boyfriend that ever peed on me in the shower. Well, it sounds like you weren't dating I wasn't dating savages. No, you were dating some non-binary people

Can I tell you that but before I dated you? Yeah, I was the man like people thought I was gross like all my boyfriends would have to tell me to stop picking my nose Yeah, I'm farting and stop burping like my last boyfriend before you. Yeah, zero tolerance Zero tolerance for it towards the end to really fucking hated it when I would rip it Oh, when someone doesn't love you anymore and you're burping and farting you think that shit goes over. No. Oh my god You guys are so disgusting Yeah, you're lucky. I love you so much. Yeah, but I but you set the bar so low for disgusting behavior Low or high high that I I never have to so I've trumped you. Yeah, you think I'm grosser

Are you really asking me that question? Yeah, no, I know I know I know I Totally know. Do you know how disgusting you are? Not really? I just feel like it's normal, you know When we started dating you had no soap in your shower. I had shampoo. Mm-hmm. Yeah, and you use that on Everywhere just everything but you can use shampoo suds as soap. Uh-huh. Why can you not you can? Most people choose not to what am I do go to the store buy soap to Most people do No, it's fine. Did you when I asked you to buy soap in your shower? Were you blown away? Where you like this bitch? I was just like I don't understand why you're not using all the shampoo I got

I got all the shampoo And the best part is to like the cap was loose on that shampoo bottle So water would go into it and dilute it so it's like but that means you can last longer You get more shampoo out of it more shampoo more soap I'm really gonna get my ass waxed. I've been talking about a savage. I know or maybe the laser right didn't we talk about that? Because I don't do either. Yeah to my junk. Mm-hmm. I would say go for laser Why not why why keep going back to get it waxed? Yeah, like just bite the bullet just really had some breakthroughs, you know thinking about How much more in my life I could get back why didn't let's talk about asshole?

Well, I just feel like there's just so much time spent and people have told me, you know They wax their asses and it's like one wipe two wipes. They're done. That's what my world is something now at the bidet It's even less. Yeah, why sit there now? Oh shit hit the bidet on you didn't you didn't hit the button Nobody knows. What's what segment this is? Oh, yeah Smile you look like booger at the belching contest right now. You're so proud of yourself. I am so sorry Let's go back to the top. So Yeah, now I just I hit the water and I just let that spray sit there But I'll let it spray for you know a minute. I hear you. I know. Yeah, no

I literally hear you in living room. Yeah, cuz that turtlet I can hear what happens in there Yeah, that's what a really neat blessing and all our homes is that I've always been in close proximity to where you shit Yeah, so I can hear everything. Can you hear the bedroom one? No, no just that downstairs the downstairs one Yeah, so I hear the water going for a long time. Yeah, and then you always come out and you go Whoo And then and then when I ignore you you go, you're not gonna ask me. Yeah, you're gonna you're not gonna ask me And I go how was your shit? You say the same kind of thing to me though. You'll be like don't you want to know what happened and you play koi

You're wearing your oopsies around the house This you want to see your oopsies Cock-and-bolt She's what so I'm serious though. Do you do you really want to get your ass wax? Are you being serious? I'm being serious because I've been thinking about seriously how much time I spend or like when I'm not home Oh my god, I'm not home and Fucking I'm in like a you know public. Yeah airport god Disaster man, it's just mud in there and it gets into the hair your smear

You're when you wipe you're smashing it into the hairs It's how gross it is that a hairy ass What is the hair for why doesn't even grow there? I don't know because the women don't have hair I mean some I don't yeah, but for you if you're a hunter and a gather Yeah, and you're out in the wilderness you got to cover your asshole like naked humans I'm saying primitive man right who was out hunting and gathering Women don't need it because we're with the babies in the cave. Yeah, but you're out there with leopards chasing you You could sit down on a rock and a snake could crawl right up your ass and lay eggs

This is probably to cover Okay, this is a this is a real explanation. Yeah, I'm offering you I saw this on Nat Geo Yeah, I want to stop cigarettes asshole have hair on the next episode. Well, I'm gonna go reverse that stuff I think you should so is your butthole hair like your beard because of that full the whole hair isn't so crazy It's the inside the crack cheek hair, you know like the cheeks aren't that hairy But it's like you spread the cheeks. I've seen it forest. Yeah, you've seen it. Well, everyone's pretty. It's a nice It's hot. Yeah, it's so hot. That's the other thing. I've heard that it really makes it, you know a lot less hot Yeah, I mean not sexy. I know it's gonna stay sexy sure but temperature-wise

Well, because when we did Nikki Glazer's show not safe Mm-hmm. We're talking about pegging and she's like do you even put your finger up there? And I'm like so hot it's hot and steamy and hairy and scary It's a gross place. Yeah. Yeah, I had a lot of diarrhea today and You really did the nice thing about diarrhea with that bidet is that you hit that water and you go with paper later There's nothing left. There's nothing there. I know cuz I had some loose ones too. I say I have a I had like a I had like a five. Yeah, and the bidet cleans it right up Yeah

Would you is total seven? I had about a six point five. Yeah, yeah, yeah, six five. It was pretty bad Huh, it was pretty that's really loose. Yeah loose meat sandwich all the way. Yeah Yeah, it kind of made you sit there and go No, I just like I just like playing that we got any coming those balls Yeah Why am I so low I feel like I'm a child and you're an adult. Well, you are you're gonna go I gotta put That's how gross you're so pretty grow up. You need to grow up Shut up. I grow when I look at you. I throw up. You just want to fuck me and then go to your mom's house

Wow, yep She sounds binary though. She does they I prefer Prefer them to be non-binary. I only watch non-binary pornography So anyway, yeah a lot of positive feedback on your on the shower that we took together we're into it You and I took a little time together this week and we went to the Getty museum That was nice to spend time with you like that. We never really get to do things like that. I know it was a it was thoroughly enjoyable We just walked around the Getty if you ever come to Los Angeles and you want, you know Cities have their leave their mark right with their their cultural stamp of hey

We'd you know, we invest in and making this art destination. Yeah, yeah, and the Getty is is really impressive There's actually two getties in LA the more prominent one is right off the 405 and it's a massive Multi-billion dollar museum that has gardens and you know has it's one of the world's great art museums food It does have food if you want to eat while you're at the museum I mean the leading thing that they that they promote is their food, but it also Yeah, you can get wine coffee you can get coffee and you can go to the bathroom and leave Or you can see their world-class art Sculptures paintings just they have a rotating works for data photography

Oh, what we saw a photography photographer and they have pictures there pitchers and pictures that a photographer took and They're framed and hanging on the wall. How many people say photographer constantly? I hear it all the time. I heard my sister when she was out here say especially. Oh, right really hit it hard You know, I mean like especially That Especially she says espresso. Yeah, she does. I've heard it. I just let it go. Okay, espresso. Okay, Hitler But I I love the Getty we saw Robert maple Thorpe exhibit the explain for Yeah, explain who that is so maple Thorpe was a photographer famous in like the late 70s 80s

Took portraits of famous people most notably like Patti Smith for the cover of Horses, which is a huge album Mm-hmm and and and and then he took other types of photos. Yeah Well, you know, he was he's pretty binary and And he was actually by for a while. Yes Well, he did Patti Smith as a woman and then later. Yeah, he decided he was like, yeah, I like the other stuff more And then he died of la sida, but But some of those here's a photographs Where provocative?

Oh say yeah, for instance, there was one who you walk into a room at the Getty and you see Just kind of torso mid torso down A man in a suit, but his fly is open and you won't believe what's hanging out of his fly It's a massive. I would say semi erect right lack Uncircumcised And yeah, everyone's just walking around salivating and you know trying to put their saliva back in their mouth But there was some some provocative photos But you pointed out to me that his most

Controversial and provocative photos were not and no museum and I'm a little disappointed in the Getty that they didn't kind of They didn't go go there. Yeah, they won JV squad Cuz I worked at a bookstore in the 90s when I was in college And if you wanted to see Maple Thorpe's books the book of work, you had to show ID that you were over 18 And it was behind the counter. Yeah, and immediately you couldn't drink off right there. You had to buy it and take it home Yeah, but I remember being like whatever this book is I'm on board because no one the anarchist cookbook was behind the counter and a maple Thorpe book And those are my two favorite books when I worked to the book star in Woodland Hills

Yeah, and so maple Thorpe. I don't know if you want to Google image search and just show the people Okay, I don't show it on on YouTube's Google gonna get flagged Google Maple Thorpe and just look at the treasures. Yeah, maple Thorpe maple Thorpe and MAPP L E T H O R P Robert you might have to start you'll have to you'll see some like naked people. You're like, that's it No, it gets it gets better. Yeah, keep digging. Yeah, keep going. I've seen naked people. Maybe not like this. You haven't It's special. Yeah Yeah, but I was disappointed that they didn't go full maple Thorpe on it. Yeah, I mean, that's kind of what people

Want to see you right if you want to know where's the come it should have been at the maple Thorpe exhibit They really should have been and they They dropped the ball on that for sure But we saw all somewhere standing yes, it's you have to take a tram to get to the Getty and you park down below and they take up a hill That's the maple Thorpe exhibit That should have been playing yeah the audio part of the installation Yeah, as you watch

Yeah, why don't they do an audio component? Yeah That's art. Yeah, it's good. Yes, sir. That's art Don't you So we're waiting in line to get on the tram and we saw a little 20 year old Girls and it's funny cuz yeah, they're and it was a cold day in LA. Yeah to wear a sweater or jacket It was cold and people don't understand I think that live in other parts of the country that it does get, you know brisk here on certain days You know, it'll be you might be used to it if you live in a really cold city

But it's it gets to the point where people wear jackets and well, especially when we were in the mountains there Yeah, the wind blows and it's cold as fuck But there's always young girls Shivering in LA whores are always cold no matter what whores Get cold because it's more important to them for you to know that they're whores. They're warm. Yeah Yeah, and they're dressed like whores. Yeah, and I'm like why at the Getty you got a dress But I guess maybe the maple Thorpe exhibit they want to go see dicks But yeah, I don't know. I don't think those girls were looking for those no, what were they looking for it?

I don't know, but they definitely were they're shivering little chickens in line put in work to be a whore Yeah, that's a universal truth man whores are always cold always cold Yeah, especially I remember when I did Indianapolis I did a crackers and broad broad ripple once one winter and it's that legit cold And it's yeah, oh, yeah, and it's in that bar area where all the kids are Yeah, and I just a stack of whores around the corner just all and it's snowing outside crazy It is not a joke you see it any if you go Friday Saturday out in any city Yeah, you'll always see those cold hookers walking around that and and the the heels you gotta wear your hit your hooker

And you gotta be cold and shiver like airports. Yeah, you see chicks wearing like eight inch stilettos You're like about to fly right yeah in the morning. Yeah, I know the morning flight and you appreciate the effort You're like you're hard-working hooker, but yeah You don't do this for a flight. No get comfortable. Yeah get comfortable, bitch Yeah, and a tight clothe and the yeah, you're wearing this to sit. Yeah to sit uncomfortably on this flight So fucking weird and you land it's still fucking early wherever we went You don't look like this till tonight, right? Yeah, I don't know unless you suck in it at the airport You know suck at the airport giving little suck suck at the airport, you know doesn't matter

We can't get away from it and It's it's obviously, you know, the show's gotten more popular. We know that But it's taken on a life of its own and places you don't even expect it to get Picked up here is that Rick Ross. Nope, but I did go to high school with him for a year. Yeah Yeah for a year. He's got a really full beard. I like that. He does he almost had that when he was in seventh grade No shit one of those dudes, huh? Yeah, his dad famous baseball player. No kidding. Yeah Prince The older Hitler hit was so far today

I Like that blue man do that effect. Oh, that was like it. It was a really funny. Yeah Yeah So there you go Prince fielder. Wow, I didn't know he was an anti-sunlight too. Well, I think the announcer was making it clear What he was, you know Yeah, yep, it's there man, it's out there. It's out there. Another fun thing we saw at the Getty was the Guy in line too. We were waiting. Oh my god. Isn't this not your favorite guy? Yes Who's got the horseshoe balding pattern and it's all gray. It's all gray. Yeah, he's a total dad

50 some years old still kind of trying to keep it cool He was wearing his truck tailors, right, you know faded light blue denim His light blue denim was on his dad jeans. Did he have belt on a brown braided? I'm not sure He had an untucked Button down so you couldn't see his belt. I remember okay, and then you know, he had his his vision's not so good He had his glasses like dads do Yeah, I can't see this art and then he Yeah, he had Sasha with her with him

She was at least 20 if not 30 years younger and yeah Way out of his league looks way. Yeah, just way out of his league and But I'm gonna have a lot in common. Well, that's the thing when You know, I've seen Carl with so many girls and he's just He him and Sasha together. They're just it's like, you know, they're meant to be You can't even tell that there's an age difference like when you hang out with them And you kind of you go, I mean, they might as well be the same age because he really comes alive when he's with her

And I've just never seen him so happy and it's just fun to see And finally find the girl that's perfect for him. So crazy, right? It's fucking the weirdest. Do you think that he's not embarrassed? They should be embarrassed, but they're not and you're like, oh No, the embarrassed one. He's like he probably walked right there. She was totally like she has a little bit of like Yeah, he had he started he had a he's an adventure capitalist and things kind of worked out. So it worked out with us too. So We should point out that they were like Kissing and cuddling and doing a lot of pba the whole like I'm really into you. Yeah You're like, what in the fuck he was probably you like the getting. She's like, what's that? Yeah

What oh by the way, the other getty is um in Malibu and it's uh, it's not as well known It's phenomenal. It was private residence It's this uh, what is it? John pull getty. Um, what's that that architectural style though? Roku co Roman roman style. I don't know. I don't I have never been to that one in the in the malibu roman It's a it's a multi-million dollar Very impressive and they have should I buy it for you? You could buy it for me and they have all the art there You could buy the art for me too. Yeah, I'll do that. I'll just take out a loan

I'll do that for you. You probably take out like, I don't know five Hundred million dollar loan. Do you think you're will you take your second wife to the getty? um When you get your sasha when you dump me and then you you upgrade to your 20 year old I'll go You like the game should be like Yeah Did he just do a song with rihanna? I'm like, this is a different guy She's like, I'll check him out

What's all this stuff? It's art. Yeah, why? Because people make art. Ah, that's nice. Can I have that? That's pretty expensive Can you buy it? I don't think it's for sale. Okay Like that can I have it daddy? I want it Okay, bud I'll cut you whichever you want. I can't I was so retarded. Yeah

Yeah, I think my dad's had a few of those. Oh my god for sure That's probably why I'd notice it because I'm like, oh, there's my dad That's definitely why you notice it. There goes a 20 year old girlfriend. Um By the way, there goes my dad. Do you remember one of the biggest? um Shows we've ever had was Uh, Miami fart machine. No Was where is it crunchy right now? It was um

foreign Born accident syndrome, right? I have not actually heard my voice in the conversation For nearly three years now for a year now. So And there was no There's basically no indication of how things happened. Yeah, you know um I mean So listen to uh, let's see if we can get for three. Yeah now for free. Yeah. Now. It's free. Yeah. No

Hold on. Hold on. Don't play it. I don't play it. Okay. Put my my mommy phones on. Okay. Go. Okay Sex with me. So amazing Desiree People are free for to believe whatever they want, but you know, I mean clearly what I've been going through I know it's not psychogenic and it's not a hoax By now, you've probably noticed Jennings spoke with a foreign accent that she'd never had before I'm from Ohio. I should not be talking like this. There's no way a flu shot can cause someone's accent to change Absolutely not one more. She's claiming a flu shot. Oh, horseshit

Notice when inside addition first approached Jennings in this parking lot She seemed to be walking normally, but after their interview. She walked to her car sideways Saying it was dystonia Lena win kcal 9 news. Isn't that the best thing you've ever seen? Walking sideways and she's like Flu shot a flu shot did this to me Wow That was really good

I got my flu shot and then I thought I came out of it totally like ace What a lying liar Fucking liar little liar pants. You lie a little slut I think it is a little slut. You're such a fucking whore I think it is it is but you put your fucking high heels on slut She needs she's wearing way too many clothes for that man. Sluts gotta wear Whore it up a little take off that jacket. Show us your arms Oh, man, um

Foreign accent speaking of foreign accents. Oh, not the actually this is a Reporter as a master of actions. I really appreciate this This reporter is interviewing some soccer hooligans After an arsenal match I like soccer hooligans. They're so silly. They're so They're so fucking gangster with how much they love their their their soccer Let's see all we can hooligans see if you can ruffians what these ruffians are up to here. We go Also fan TV really disappointing today. Yeah, again. I mean

I'm saying it to everybody. It's just like I've seen it over and over and over again That sort of performance that I saw today where we've had nearly all the game. It's almost like it's just a training game right Not taking shots on go that guy's normal obviously. Yeah, but then I mean it's so disappointing that we've come out of it with a talk It's the same thing blood every week blood every week from every week blood Blood and fam. I love it. I didn't know that fam was international. I thought that was totally us thing fam I'm not i don't even know that. Jesus. You're so white fam. Yeah. Well, isn't family. Yeah Fam, yeah, but no, but you hear it more here. I'm saying never heard it here. You've never heard that

No, do you have any friends of color? No I'm saying fun. Look at me the defense blood the defense is dead blood. What's Paul doing blood? He has no eat what like what's he doing? He's a sideman fam. He sits on the bench. He's doing nothing blood Yeah, no, I'm with you. You've never heard that really no never fam like good to see you fam nothing like that. No No, did you thank fam nothing like that? I mean, I don't say it would sound absurd, but I've heard it a lot People have said it to me. Steve Wilkos probably says Steve Wilkos says it all the time We're coming through fam. You won't be there. Yeah. No, I don't know that Fergie had his number two involved in the team blood fag or fam furgy

What furgy? Okay Do you know what i'm saying to you? Fergie had his number two involved in team blood. Where involvement has he got blood? Are you seeing the defense fam? I love how interchangeable he is. He goes blood fam. Blood fam, fam blood, fam, fam, fam, fam blood What has he got blood blood? Do you see the go blood? Do you see the go blood? Oh, yeah, he's uh, do you know why he's a donor? I'll show you why he's a donor. Yeah a donor two minutes after that Two minutes. Yeah after that. Yeah, I don't know who he took out, but you took out a man in the same position blood

That's so british too to to end a sentence with yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah Blood why don't we pick that affectation never got picked up here that way of speaking? Um, I think I do it sometimes. Well, yeah is essentially, you know what I mean You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's totally. Yeah Yeah is yeah, because you know i'm saying hungarians do that though. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah You say yeah in uh in peru my cousin saying manias What's that mean? That's the slang for do you follow me? Do you feel me? Yeah, manias manias Well, they have a lift too

Manias, I just realized I do have a Oh my god dad dad has dad had a mouse this whole time dad has a mouse for the other but that's for this one So wait dad can you use that for this one too? That mouse the mises. Yeah, we should probably get another one, right? Yeah. Yeah Yeah, they should each have the dad needs a mouse for every computer, you know From where I was sitting that looked to me like a terrible gopikamera go keeping error That you said it was just like the first game in the season blood It's his near post fun. You can't get beat in your near post blood. You understand?

Everything is and then he did you understand you understand blood. Yeah, fam. You understand blood Yeah, fam. You understand. Yeah, but look how bummed this guy is. He's so he can't even bring himself for words He's so upset. He's so bummed that he doesn't get to talk. Yeah, I think that's what he's like I wonder if he'll ask me. He's like the whole time. He's like, will he ask me a question? You think I think so, but then this guy also knows that this guy's great for pv blood This guy's I could listen to them talk all day. Yeah, I love this You understand blood. A man just said David is a confidence thing blood

Like I said in my interview before motivation blood. The team is not motivated blood. They're not doing that. I'm like, walker again Walker again. What's he doing, blood? What's doing, blood? He's getting tired from behind. He's terrible What are they doing in the boat? Not doing that, like walking again Where's that coming from? He's coming for five minutes, blood. What did he do blood?

What's the point, blood? What's this man doing, fam? What are they doing in the boat, blood? This guy's amaze. Yeah, I love it. I love soccer hooligans. No, in case you're like, you know, I can't take it anymore. I just want to hear the best of what this guy has got. Well, we got that for you too. Oh, good. Blood, blood, fam. Blood, fam. Blood, blood, fam. Blood, blood, fam. Blood, blood.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Blood, blood, blood, blood. You understand blood. Blood, blood, blood, blood, blood. Blood, blood, fam, blood, fam. Blood, blood, fam. Blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood. Blood, blood, blood, blood, blood. That's good. Good work, Blue Band. Really good job. That's really good.

Blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood. So soccer hooligans are like the, the British version of like R football lunatics that like paint their chest. I think they're definitely crazier there. They're crazy. They're crazy. They riot and they beat people up. Yeah.

They tear shit up. Yeah. But they're way more amusing to listen to. This dude's pretty, I mean, there's, this guy's pretty much holding, he's animated, he's fired up by his team losing, but there's definitely, I don't even know if he would constitute a hooligan, you know, hooligans over there really, they're terrifying. Yeah. They get big groups and they're like breaking shit and throwing Molotov cocktails and yeah,

they're nuts man. Bill Hicks had a great bit about soccer hooligans. He was saying that they weren't like the biggest thing in England is there was a, a waste bin was knocked over in Shopsbury. So cute. Where are the hooligans? Like they're, they're musicals. Maybe after he did that bit, things changed.

Yeah. No, that was like in the, I don't know, 90s. Yeah. He believed that dude died at like 34. I know. That's crazy. And do you know that Hicks toured while he was dying and his last stuff he recorded, it was as he was dying.

He told no one that he was, he told very few people that he was dying of cancer. So crazy. Could you imagine doing like that's what you choose to do at the end of your life? I don't know. I might still do stand up. Yeah. You know, he's a single guy, you know, what's he going to do? Just sit at home.

What's he married? No, he had a woman, but I don't know if they're married. They weren't married. Yeah. Well, you know. Yeah. I've looked it up. He wasn't married.

Oh, okay. Is there a problem with that? I feel like you wish you could have married him. Bill Hicks. Yeah. You love his stuff. Why would I marry Bill Hicks when I married a savage? Who knows?

When I married a dirt devil, dirt dog. He might have been a savage. No. No? Bill Hicks? He was kind of polite. He was sweet. I don't know.

I don't know. Yeah. No, I like you. I'm glad I married you. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh, did you? That was Bill Hicks' ghost. It was. We were just talking about him and then our, our boards just fell. You see that? The ghost of Bill Hicks came back to get us, guys. He's like, bitch.

He told you. I love him. You fuck. You do love him. I do love Bill Hicks. He was, I think, one of the, one of the greats. Yeah. He just said hello.

He did say hello. Good for you. Yeah. Oh, this is pretty great. I was, somebody sent me this. You know, there's nobody more, I don't know, who's left a bigger impact on me. I feel like in my life, um, and, and how I try, I choose, I try to live my life. Then, um, Steven Seagal.

Um, Everyone feels the same. Most people feel the same way. Everyone feels that way. Here is Mr. Seagal. Um, in this, I guess it was an interview with a French language media people. So it starts off with a little tease here of his, uh, of a film. It's Spakotaku.

Yeah. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Hi. See you later! Okay. Thank you. Hi any questions? Why don't you leave Hollywood today? I mean, you know, I don't live in Hollywood now. I just, I live, you know, in Arizona and, you know, all over the place.

What? What kind of an answer is that? Wait, where do you live, motherfucker? It's simple. Arizona and, you know, all over the place. He's a citizen of the world, Tom. He is. He has that world passport.

He's a widow's peak of the world. Him and most deaf, they just, they don't, they live where they live. Yeah. I mean, I still have a relationship with Hollywood. I just don't live there. I'm going to throw up if I learn during that. Why is it a place not really healthy to live in? Healthy to live there.

Well, for me, it's not so good, you know. I'd rather live. You know. Why did he go, he accented it there. Right. He picks up. That's so good, you know. You know it.

From people in the quiet, you know. You know. How do you say it? It's a point by Nouvella. Do the actors on the set. Come back. Come to me. I'm going to throw up.

God. Savage. Long experience. He's a... Many of them do and many of them don't. What? It's a great... Many of them do and many of them don't.

How people feel that way? Many do, many don't. Many of them do. Do you have your word to say about the crew, about the team, about the scripts? Oh, Jesus. Are you on the... That's quiet. No, in the movies I do, I have some say-so in all of that.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. What an asshole. Just answer the fucking question. Something tells me he doesn't want to be there. I don't know what it is. But I think he doesn't want to be there. He doesn't want to be there.

He doesn't want to be there. Why did you accept? Well, I don't know how they came, but they did come. And I accepted because I wanted to try something different. Different of Loma? Right, right, right. Yes. Yeah.

What's certain is that you can't speak in English. We hear that here, the inhabitants have a very good language. Would you like to come back and to be the master of your own project? Do you have, you know, the dream of... You could tell she's really trying to. She's trying, she's so earnest. Yeah, and like I have these really like thought out. Yeah.

I really want to get to know your answer on this. I really try to construct this in a way that you can take it from there. Of a movie that would be the movie of your life? Well, yeah, I would love to be able to come back and make more movies that are great movies. He's sick. He's sick. That's why he's miserable. He's taking his thera flu.

I know. Oh, it's so miserable. I think we should watch all of his movies dubbed over in French. Yeah, we should. I feel like that makes it way better. Oh, they're much better when you don't hear him actually speak. It's great. Yeah.

We started to watch a movie of his on Netflix. Remember? Frick's. I'm sorry. I mispronounced it all the time. We got... How far did we get? 10 minutes?

Oh, it was a new one. Yeah, yeah. It was really bad. It was shot somewhere in Bakersfield, but it was meant to look like Afghanistan. Yeah. It was... Yeah. It was shot in Milwaukee.

You could tell. Yeah. It's Midwest. Yeah, clearly. The trees and... There's Lake Michigan's right there and he's just like... It's so tough out here in Afghanistan. Yeah.

It's like... So ridiculous. So it's been a minute and it's definitely one of the most important segments we do on the show. Let's bring it to you right now with a new introductory song. Oh, wow. Here we go. You like it?

Yeah. It's a take on our original Dental Update music. It's called Floss Them Shits by B.Dubb. You can hear, like, the influence of the original. I like it. The ticker, the ticker type thing. Do you have a Dental Update? I have a couple.

Yeah. Great. Personally, I'm really slacking on a couple things. Yeah. It's hot. My flossing has not been as good lately and I really need to whiten again. I have my trays. Dude, I tell you to whiten every time I see you smile.

I go, look at those yellow, buttery tic-tac. I tell you every fucking time I see you smile. God, that's the meanest thing somebody could say to their spouse. Yeah. I'm trying to help, babe. You're the worst. So look how whiten I do that. I'm going to, I want to, about tonight, let's do it tonight.

Yeah. I'll help you. Do we know where your trays are? Yeah. I got them in the closet. Yeah. You got to do it, dude. Seriously.

It's going to burn like hell, but it's really, it hurts so bad. I remember. But you look so pretty. All right. Hello, mommies. I am currently sitting in the parking lot of the Dennis office after my first visit in over 13 years. I lied to the Dennis, told him it had been five years because I could not bring myself

to admit to him. Sure, he knows. You've been over a decade. He knows. After my first visit, after my visit, you were the first people I wanted to share this news with, much like my actual mother. I'm sure you are quite disappointed to hear that one of your own had ignored their oral health for so long, but good news, there is nothing to worry about.

After 13 years, I am cavity free. Wow. That's huge. Never had one in my life and didn't require anything beyond a standard cleaning. I'm not sure if I dodged a bullet and this will put me back on the right track to proper dental care or if I just reinforced my terrible behavior now that I know I can avoid the Dennis for a third of my life and still be just fine. Any time we'll tell, although my dental care may fall behind, my genes will always stay

high and tight, word to your mom, Bridget. That was just ... Oh, the woman. Yeah. Bridget, here's what I'm going to say. You did dodge a bullet. I'm guessing you're young. I think so.

I think so. But you can't do this stuff when you're older. That's the problem is when you get into your 40s and 50s. I think she's in her 30s, but as you get older, it will get more serious and I would consider myself just lucky on that one. You have no cavities? If I was her, I would do that. We got another one.

Let's see. Hey, mommies. I finally went to the dentist for the first time in 10 years last week. Guys. Boy, was this embarrassing. After 26 years, I still have a baby tooth. The original adult tooth grew backwards into the palate of my mouth and was removed the last time I saw a dentist 10 years ago along with my five wisdom teeth and it's falling

apart. Along with that, one of my showing teeth right up front is broken in half, slant ways. That's what I had. Seven small cavities throughout the rest of my mouth. Holy shit, right? My dentist literally gave me a D plus grade. The fillings are covered by insurance, but to get the crown, it's like $900 a tooth. I can have the tooth pulled and get what's called a flipper tooth.

Just in case you don't know what that is, it's basically a retainer with teeth attached to it. That's going to run me about 450 bucks. I basically want to know, mommies, what should I do? What my mommies would do? Sorry. I know Christina has always said, put yourself in debt for your teethies. We are already paying an $8,000 hospital bill from 10 years ago.

What do I do, Jean's machine? How expensive is it to repair a crown? I need help. May the toots be strong with you, Vanessa. I'll tell you, first of all, don't avoid fixing this. Crowns are expensive. Here's what you should do. If you can't afford it, if you can't open up a line of credit, ask for care credit.

I believe it's a form of dental credit. Your dentist's office may have that. Go to a dental school. Are you near a major city? I recommend we're near UCLA. Go to UCLA and go to a dental student. They can do it for a fraction of the cost, and the work will be overlooked by whatever dentists and such, but don't go cheap.

Don't get the flipper. It looks like shit. My cousin has a flipper tooth with a retainer. I don't think she has it anymore. No, I think she got replaced, but it looks like it doesn't belong there. You know what I recommend too, if you're paying off that debt, you said you don't want to accrue all kinds of debt. One thing, and this doesn't work, obviously, for everybody depending on your situation,

but a friend of mine did this one time, is that he, this was before like ... Just sell a kidney, right? Yeah, he sold a child before Obamacare and all those mandatory insurance things, but this happened is that he lapsed the payment on his insurance, on his health insurance, lost it, and then was in a kind of a bind, obviously, for healthcare. He went to doctors' offices with cash and said, could I get ... Because those doctors' offices and dentists as well are used to maybe funneling some of this stuff through insurance, and they know they're only getting a percentage of the amount and all this stuff.

He just went and was like, if I pay you cash, can I get a discount? He said yes across the board. People were doing it for a fraction of what they normally charge because he had cash money. Then I would say, if you have dental insurance, why? I think if I've had it once before, and it's kind of a waste, and not only that, the dentists that did take insurance one time, I went to, and they took my x-rays, and the guy goes, oh, you have like 12 cavities, remember this? And I go, that's horseshit.

I don't believe you. I went to a dentist, didn't tell them I had insurance, and they took the same x-rays, and they go, you have no cavities. That happened to me. No, that was me. No, that was me, babe. Are you sure? 100% sure.

Are you sure? 100%. No, it happened to me too. No, it did happen to me, and I've told you the story. No, it happened to me. I had dental insurance. This is so weird. No, it happened to me.

Babe, it happened to me when I worked, oh my God. Oh my God, it happened to me too then. Yes, it did. It went in Glendale. Then it's new that it happened to you. So here's when it happened to me, okay? It happened to me. It happened to me too.

I swear to God. Okay. Well, this is the first time I hear it. I've told you the story multiple times. I worked for the show Extreme Makeover as a logger. Oh my God. They let us go to the dentist to get the Zoom whitening treatment. Yes.

When I was there, they x-rated me and the guy goes, oh, you have like 17 cavities. And I was like, what? And I go, he's like, yeah, we can take care of them all now. I go, I think I'll take a rain check on that. But did you have insurance at the time? And that's why he was milking you for dental insurance? Yes. And so then I went to another dentist that was covered under that dental insurance, and

he was like, we have no cavities, zero. And I was blown away by it. And then even though you know that story, it happened to you also. What did it happen? Can I tell you why? Yeah. I had dental insurance for the first time in my life when I worked at this company. And I swear to God, it was in Glendale, and the guy goes, oh, you got a lot of work to

do. We got it. I swear. I believe you. And then I took it to my Hungarian guy who doesn't exist anymore. He retired. Fahir, Dr. Fahir, he's retired, we can see him. And he goes, there's no way.

This guy was totally scamming you. And then I canceled dental insurance all together and just paid. So I would get a second opinion is what I'm trying to say on the cavities and on the extent of the work that you need. That's not a bad idea, actually. A lot of times these scumbags see that you have insurance, scum fucks, and then they tried to get their money from you. No, if it happened to both of us, it can happen to you.

Was it when I was working in Burbank? We weren't dating then, were we? When? When this happened to me? Before you and I were dating. This happened to me. Oh, okay. Yeah, I mean, this is a new story.

God, ask Eric, Eric, if you're listening to this, do you remember when this happens to me? He'll be like, I remember when it happened to Tom. You're the worst. And then I remember, oh, does that happen to you too? Okay. God, you laugh like an old dad. Hates you the most.

But anyway, why do you have dental insurance? Unless it comes with your company, don't pay for that shit. There's no reason. You're going to end up getting jacked even harder. Jack this day. Go to a Russian dentist. I swear to God, Russians will do the work a little bit cheaper too. But we don't know where she lives.

Well, find some fucking Russians or Eastern blockers. I'm serious. Find a foreigner. Find a foreigner. And I mean that. Find a foreigner, offer them cash. Yeah. These white dentists, that's the problem is that they do everything above board.

You got to go to an immigrant to do shit the right way. Yeah. Go to Chinatown. I didn't say that, but somewhere at Eastern block, I can't vouch for the Chinese. Do they have good teeth, Chinese people? I don't know, but it just kind of feels like. He works. I didn't say that.

It sort of feels like. But I know for a fact that my tribe will do your teeth pretty good. Russians, Eastern block, they do that shit. They will fuck you. Okay. All right. Well, maybe the Russians. Oh man, that was fucking good stuff.

I hate you so much. Why do you hate me? It happened to me too. I know it happened to you too, I remember now. Make me insane. And I canceled dental insurance right after. Dude. Yes.

I think this is when we first started dating. You fucking shit. Yeah. Go to somebody like that. That's that neighbor. That guy's rad. Immigrant motherfucker. Go to an immigrant motherfucker, that's what you write.

And for obviously car repairs, don't ever go to a white mechanic. What are you nuts? Yeah. Yeah. Always stay away from white people. Immigrants. Stay away. Eastern block, Asians.

Okay. I'm gonna go to your NLA. Remember when we went to get our Thai massages, they were like hookers after because you went to a different one? What happened was we moved to a new neighborhood and so we have to discover all kinds of new stuff again, right? New restaurants, everything you use, that's the only, you know, it's kind of fun but it's also like bummed out if the place you used to go to you liked.

So we went to this Thai place together like a few weeks ago and then we went again and we called on the way there to request the same people that we had the first time. Well, yours was available for you but mine wasn't. So I go, okay, well I'll try whoever's available. So we finish the massage, we go to the lobby and the lady that had me the first time goes, oh, she goes, last time I go, yeah, yeah, I asked for you. And she looked at the girl that just massaged and she goes, yeah, he asked for me. And then she looked back at me and she goes, so next time you're me again.

And I was like, oh, okay. And the other lady, you could tell that she was higher up on the chain because the lady that had just massaged me put her head down and was like, uh-huh, totally would cowered to her. You just got involved in hooker wars, dude. Yeah. Thai hooker wars. Thai hooker wars.

Massage hooker wars. Yeah. Yeah. She had you as her guy and then you betrayed her. They see that. They see just, you know, I think it's a pride thing. Yeah, yeah. It's like that guy tips.

So it's mine. Yeah. They fucking fought over you once you left, dude. So who are you going to go with next time we go back? I think I would go, it's, you know, they're so different. The first one massacres me. But I like that. I like.

How's the, you know, what? The end. I'd never come harder, but the, uh, the other lady petite hands, very small. She's so ferocious. So the first one really grinds, it's like getting masturbated by a child, right? Just a little, oh my God, little girl. Just the thought of that. I'm fully erect, but the, uh, the second lady was a little more, you know, loving.

You don't like that. Well, it depends. I mean, I, I tend to feel like I, if I had to pick one all the time, I would go for the really aggressive. You like to be hurt. You like to go, ah, stop. Yeah. You like that.

That gives you joy during a massage. Yeah. It's not joy. It's just, I feel like the others, if it's less than that, I always feel like nothing's happening. Yeah. You have to, it has to hurt to feel like something's. It's gotta be deep.

Yeah. That's how I feel about toothpaste. If I don't feel the burn of aqua fresh, it's exactly like toothpaste. Yes. It's exactly like toothpaste. That's how you know it's working because it burns your mouth. Yep. Mm hmm.

Yep. How do you, you like soft touches though, right? I like puppy touches. Yeah. Like a little puppy. I don't want to be hurt. Life hurts. I don't need to be hurt.

Life hurts. I don't need to be hurt. Jesus. You know what I'm saying? Took it to a whole other place. Yes. Do you know what I mean? I go to relax.

I don't need her to beat me up. Yeah. You know, pummel me. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Yeah, lady. She's, she's a little chunky. I got a little nervous when she got on top of me and I was like, oh fuck, this bitch

hit her. Got on top of me. Why don't you explain yourself? Well, the time massage, they, they like sit on you. Yeah. She sits on my butt bones. They put their knees on you. The knees and everything.

Yeah. And I got real nervous. I'm like, bitch, I just gave birth. Yeah. Like, you know, almost five months ago, my body is not aligned yet, my, my joints are still loose. Mm hmm. And, you know, she's like, oh, I'm so sorry, I, I, the gentle.

I'm doing her accent. I know, I know. I know. What did she say? No, seriously. She, that's what she said. I saw that. That's how she did it.

I saw this. She go, I, oh no. I beat the, I stopped. I gentle. I gentle. I gentle. She is. She's tight.

And she, and she is gentle. And she gentle. And then she got on my ass and I was like, huh, you know, I was nervous because she's real chunky. You like that butt. I like the butt bones. That's the best. Yeah.

That's good. That's my average. She would do like an hour of just butt bones. You can probably ask for it. That culture is all into just whatever you want. And I like too that there's no, um, modesty. It's not like you're like a fucking, like a super uptight white place. Yeah.

Like put your, put these panties on. You're like, come on. Yeah. Yeah. I just get naked and she grazed my meow last time a little too. Oh really? Raised it with her thumb. They're like, whoa.

Yeah. Yeah. You don't want to touch. You know, they go in the thong. Grazer meow. Meow. Yeah. Does she graze your nuts?

The nuts. It's so, it is like, I'll be really relaxed. And then I will get, cause they're so aggressive with me that I go, I could really get a testicle hurt here. You know, it's not like a, it's like, so it's like, that's usually when my eyes start to open. Please don't take one of my testicles with you. Oh yeah.

They could, I bet they have. Oh yeah. Hi, box. What? Your barge. I saw you grazed your bars, though. She says, They don't say that shit.

They never say that. She doesn't know balls I believe. They don't know sorry. Yeah? Yeah, there's no sorry, man. No. Immigrant motherfucker. Yeah.

They don't do that shit. I saw that at the, I grazed your bars. We should mention, by the way, speaking of bars is that um, well, first of all, we should mention that our Patreon is going to launch June 1st. June 1st, we will have Patreon, which is going to be an additional thing that the show does. Added content, added access, bonus episodes, bonus features, whole bunch of stuff. June 1st, we'll get into the details more as we get closer, but we're building all that stuff right now.

We're very excited about it. Yeah. We're going to take a monthly donation of your choice and you get all this extra content. Yeah. So go to Patreon, create an account, get it ready. Get it ready? Okay. The people, the people out there, start, start getting ready because it's coming, guys.

We already have an episode, we have an idea for, to do for Patreons. Oh, there's going to be a lot of episodes, yeah, yeah, but we're planning our first one already. And then um. More pressure. More pressure. Now the more pressure. That's not the Thai place.

Chinese, right? No, that was Thai. More pressure. Yeah. You like pressure. How's that pressure? They whisper it to you. Yeah.

How's that pressure? Yeah. You like a medium pressure? You like medium? A guy like medium pressure. You like medium pressure. Awesome, fun. Where did the, uh, fam?

I was looking at the wrong thing. Is this, uh, oh, oh, I got it. Oh, I want to give a shout out to AJ Hawk. I did, um, the hot cast, it drops today. It did come out today? Yeah. So guys, check, check me out on AJ Hawks podcast. Did you know that he's a huge mommy?

I mean, you did know that, but people listening don't know that. Yeah. Huge mommy. Yeah. He listens to the show. Loves our show. He loves podcasts. Loves podcasts.

And he did it. He's a great podcaster. He's really good. He's really good. I was really surprised because you don't think that like a guy that's good at football is going to be good at talking, but he is. At foosball? Foosball.

We talked a lot about football and, you know, the game stuff. I have a podcast called charge it to the game, right? I talk about, um, I should mention that, uh, that my, um, new football podcast, charge it to the game is out. It's on iTunes. What a coincidence. So is mine. No, same as yours.

Um, episode two, now that if you're listening now, just came out as well. So two episodes up, the newest one, uh, we talk about the draft. We talk about some NFL news and we also have, uh, an interview, a conversation I had with Travis Johnson, who used to play, uh, for the chargers, the Texans and he's a Florida state graduate, um, player and he went to high school right around the corner from here. No kidding. Yeah. Well, good friend.

Yeah. I'm really excited about that. And, um, also that's deep row. Check out that's deep row. Podcast. I talk about, um, about Patty Smith this week and Maple Thorpe and, uh, identity, you know, non, just typical non people, non-binary issues, just the kind of issues I, you and I have.

Well, this is a very binary video. It has a father and, uh, I believe a daughter, um, and this is something we do every day here. Yeah. Change. Didis. Oh no. Yeah.

All right. Let's do this. Oh Jesus. You ready? You ready, buddy? Oh my God. Yeah. It's a disaster every time.

You're hot. I can't believe that. Pull that onesie up. Yeah. Under the straps. God damn it. Tom. Oh.

You know, I can't fucking watch. It's fine. I can't. It's fine. He's going to barf. No, he's not going to barf. He's not going to barf. I can't.

I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't even hear you. Babe. I can hear it. Stop. He's fine.

I can just kind of stay here and watch you go. It's her. My dear. It really. It does say it goes through this every time. Oh my God. Did he barf. A little bit.

He should wear a mask. Shoot. Oh, man. I felt like barfing. Look at his eyes. Wait, haven't you felt like barfing doing ellysis? A couple times. Yeah, I have dry heaves.

Sometimes, no, but I've dried heaves a number of times where I'm like, ha, yeah. It smells so bad. And I feel like we're closer to him because he's on the changing table. Yeah. We're not that far really from him. Stop thinking about it. Yeah. Sometimes he has really crazy dumps.

I know. Sometimes you go like, oh, okay, it's a little there and it doesn't even really, but sometimes they're massive and you really, it hits you. Sometimes I have to just give him a bath right away. Yeah. Maybe later this year, you'll get logs, which are, you know, they smell, but I think it's going to be different. Really?

Yeah. In the di-dye? Yeah. You see like little turds. Is it easier to clean? Oh, yeah, of course. The slop is really... His pig slop dumps?

Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah. And they're green. Yeah. Yeah. Snarly. Yeah.

It looks like, yeah. It looks like an animal. Oh, this poor man. Yeah. Is it done? Y'all done? Y'all finished. I'm going to hear him barf me.

Yeah. No, no. I think I got just one other thing to show you. No, finish. Y'all done. Yeah. I'll finish. Y'all done.

This is what... Oh, yeah. Sorry. I just want to remind everybody, please use our Amazon banner to do your shopping. I didn't say it earlier. Oh, yeah. Please, please, please. It really does help the show.

Use your mom's house, podcast.com, go to the banner at the bottom of the homepage, click on that. Do your shopping as you normally would. If you're buying diapers. Stop it! No, it's a... Motherfucker! I can't listen to this shit.

I don't want a supercut. You're the worst. I can still hear it. What are you doing? What are you doing? We're doing the show. You're the worst. I'm turning it down so I don't even hear it.

You're turning mine down. No, that's not yours. It's mine, you liar. All right, we're done. We're done. You're lying. We're done. I just turned it off.

You're going to get it back so fucking hard. We're done. I'm going to pull your beard. Okay, we're done. I'm going to teach Ellis to pull your beard and your butt hair. We're done. You're lying to me. You're lying to me.

You're lying to me. You're lying to me. You're lying to me. Where's the uglyGPS nies. Who the heck? You're lying to me. You're lying to me, Sal. He'a%,</i Hundredse as my brother.

Why confession? We're done. You're lying to me. You're lying to me. You're lying to me. Do I ever know you? No, we're not. I closed it.

I did. I closed it. How do you know Blue Band? The Blue Band's the one who helps you with this. Very true. But we're done now. He's the one who introduced it to me. Blame Blue Band, blame him.

I closed it. I promise. I promise you, I don't trust you in the least. Are we all finished? Are y'all done? We're done. You're fucking happy.

No, I'm not. You're smiling. I swear, I'm done. I swear. You're not done. You're smiling and you're sneaky. I'm not. I promise you.

You're going to fucking get it. If I put my headphones on and there's some horrible thing in there. I'm telling you. Look, You have to take me to sushi tonight if I have to hear something horrible. I promise. Look. Here's what we wanted to play for you next.

Okay. It's a commercial. If there's vomit, you're going to fucking get it. There's no vomit. I'm not going to touch your penis for a week. There's definitely no vomit. No penis touching.

I mean it. I love you fucking. I won't touch it. I won't put it in my mouth for a year. Okay. I'm ready. Put that in the trash. It's in the trash now.

Lies. It is. You want mouth touches on your penis? Yes. Then don't ever play barf clips. Okay. We're done with them forever. Lies.

Check out the vocal fry from this lady. This mushroom foraging knife is made by Reticor, a company that has been hand crafting brushes in Germany for over 75 years and is one of the last producers. Do you guys understand how pronounced her vocal fry is? It's like... The more that I learn about vocal fry, the thing that stands out is that it is a deliberate action. People are learning and then repeating a forced vocal affectation.

Yeah. It's because people like... It's because of the Kardashians. Nicole Richie and the Kardashians talk like that. And then people then they end up talking like that themselves. Yeah. But it's not natural to be like they've been making these handcrafted artifacts, knives, and brushes.

It's not how you talk. But it usually does go with a girl who's talking like that. A lot of girls do it. It has been hand crafting brushes in Germany for over 75 years and is one of the last producers of handmade brushes. I just heard it. It's made from a sustainably sourced wood handle, a stained blade, and a built in pig bristle brush.

It's not only an ideal tool for foraging mushrooms, but also to clean them. I clean that. She looks a little non-bunny. Shing dirt away from mushrooms is better than rinsing them. It's red say that. Who the fuck has time to do this to their mushrooms though? I always paint my mushrooms. You get to paint your mushroom and then use a special carving to like...

Fuck off. Who's got time? Oh man. Well actually I started studying karate. Karate. I bet he paints his mushrooms. He paints his mushrooms. You paint your mushrooms, man.

Yeah. It's a metaphor, right? Painting your mushrooms. It's great, man. It's great. Can I see what she does with these mushrooms though? I'm curious now. Oh, that's it?

Yeah. We just had the vocal fry. That's all. That's the paint my mushrooms. I'll pop my bottle. Fuck that's time to paint their mushrooms. I paint my mushrooms every fucking day. I wake up at 5 AM before the baby.

I salute the sun and then I paint my mushrooms. So we have something that's been in the... It's been in the jeans kind of machine here for a while. One of the all time greats. I think maybe one of my... It's got to be one of my favorite artists of all time. That would be the great Rihanna, also the great Mozart. You know him a big Mozart.

Mozart, I think you mean. Mozart and I are very, very tight. I play a lot of his songs. What's up? Is there Mozart in that folder? Let me check. I don't trust you guys. Something smells fishy.

No, it's not fishy. I promise. I promise. It's not, but I have it saved. Thank you. Blue Band, everybody. And maybe when you do Patreon, we can do a Blue Band episode where we can... We can introduce?

Yeah. People are like, who's Blue Band? Well, he's a fucking bird. Okay. Anyways. He needs seeds. He needs seeds. And a new mirror for his cage.

He likes to look at himself. Did you know... A perch. That... The birds are so silly. Mozart was really into Anilingus? He did. He wrote a song about it.

Yes. So we have some of this stuff here. Some of his lyrics and some of his songs. We've been dying to play it for you. Lake my ass. Lake my ass. Lake it. That wasn't him, but that's just kind of the world.

The world that he's in. Do you understand what I'm saying? Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you understand? Okay, here we go. Oh, yeah. Lake me. Lake me.

Lake me in my ass. Let's see what that sounds like. Lake me in my ass. Lake me in my ass. Yeah. How great is that? 20,000 years ago. 20,000 years ago.

Songs about... 22,500 years ago. Here's the translation. Lake me in the ass. Let us be glad. Grumbling is in vain. Growling, droning is in vain. Is the true cross of the life.

Thus let us be glad and merry. That's pretty great, right? That's great. Yeah, I've read about this before. It's the little diddy that he wrote. He also was known to be very sexual in nature with his letter writing. Here's a letter that he wrote to his cousin. Wouldn't you like to visit here at Goldsmith again?

What for? Nothing. Just to inquire, I guess, about the Spoony Coony fate. Nothing else, nothing else. Long live all those who... How does it go on? I wish you were... I now wish you a good night.

Shit in your bed with all your might. Sleep with peace on your mind. And try to kiss your own behind. I love it. Mozart would have really liked your mom's house, I think. I think he would have been a big fan. Yeah. Tip the hat to you, sir.

Mom's art. Yeah, so this is... I mean, one of the greatest musical minds ever. It's into shitting. But it wrote a beautiful song about it. Oh, yeah. I mean... We could probably get a choir to sing this and not know what they're doing.

That's a really funny idea, actually. Get them to sing it and be like, here's what you sang. I love it. I love it, too. It's neat to know that... And yeah, he was a bit of a perv. It's cool. Yeah, he had a lot of...

Apparently, more than one song about the ass and ass eating. Yeah. Like my ass, yeah. Yes, very good. Very, very good. Very talented man, that guy. Like my ass. Like my ass, yeah.

Another talented man. There. Similar. Similar. Maybe not with the music, but certainly a performer. With the penis music. Yeah. One of your favorites, for sure.

I love Rocko. Rocko and I go way back. So, anyways... I had a great discussion with him. We got to wrap this show up. Hey, Sticks on Deck. Sticks on Deck, we got a lot of that. Where was it...

Oh, it was texted to you. So, I got a rogue text message from, you know, I got this new phone number about a year ago and now I just, I get random texts, random voicemails. Yeah. And someone just wrote, Sticks on Deck. We mentioned that last week and we got a lot of messages, some of them very insulting saying, how could you not know that? And then...

I'm fucking lame. Yeah, how could you not know that? And then, 10 different versions of what they think it meant. A lot of people said like, the Xanax is ready. Xanax, that it's Xanax. I got Xanax. Right. Then people said, dude, Sticks on Deck is guns.

Like, there's guns here. I have guns for sale. Okay. You know. Then people said, yeah, Sticks on Deck said, a guy wrote, dude, obviously it's a photographer. Photographer. Because Sticks are tripods, so it's like, we're ready to shoot. Sticks on Deck, they're ready to go.

Okay. That was... That's likely. Not very... I don't know. No. Look, so... I think it's drugs.

Sticks, guns, a tripod, and then somebody was like, no, it's money. But that's Stacks. Stacks. Stacks are not Sticks. Yeah. You had Sticks on Deck, right? Sticks on Deck. Yeah.

So why would... I think it's drugs. Unless it's a typo, and there's like, oh, he's got all his money. Here's why. Because this phone number also gets tweaked. Texted about gambling, too. From, I think, a similar number. Oh, really?

So it's like, hey, there's action on Bababa or whatever. It's drugs and it's gambling. And that makes sense because Adis... Has a problem. Has a problem. Adis was M.I.A. and his family was looking for him. And rehab. He was in rehab.

His shrink was looking for him one time, Adis. Yeah. So I got the drugs ready. And he ran away from his family. So he... I think it's Adis. Interesting. I noticed that Chinaz, with all her nursing jobs, she's not getting, and then the Persian

person. Yeah. The Persian person. Forget what their name is. The Persian. They. I don't want to use the wrong pronoun. Something June.

June. Yeah. Shana June. Shana June. No, Shana. Hmm. Okay. All right.

So this is... Let's see. I got to look at my cheat sheet to know who this is. Eat my asshole. Eat my asshole. This is by Anthony Heath. Oh, my God. Anthony Heath.

Dad. I know. I didn't think this was happening right now. What's this? Hop on the line? Hop on the line. Don't forget the bike shirt. Please go to TomSugarra.com.

People are loving the bike shirt. Please get that. Support your jeans. Anthony Heath here with the closing song. I'll let him set it up and take it away. Jeans, anything else you want to mention? Hmm. Before we go.

Listen to that steep row. If you're... Listen to charge it to the game. Listen to that steep row. Yes. Please do. All right. Thanks, guys.

Thanks, mommies. Bye, mommies. Hey, Hitler. It's Anthony. My pod and I were talking earlier and we noticed some more troubling pattern in the community. Although your mom's house community has come together to accept all poly and bi people, which I am both, there has been an outlying group that really is unrepresented in even chest eyes sometimes.

I came out to my father at 15 as an acoustic singer-songwriter and I just thought I should work on something to really bring the communities back together and the rift. This morning comes and he drops. You got to keep the chains of nice and tight. Up high and drop and feel and lose. Feel and lose the poem of you. The chains were nationwide. Up high and dry, cause we're true blues.

We're the wash for you, the wash for you.