Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 349-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: June 22, 2016

H2O and H2NO if you ask Tommy, the self-proclaimed "water champ." But Tina, she has other ideas up her sleeve, including a very sneaky plan that she reveals in this episode.  PLUS, pig-calling, mastering accents, more fat Bert fun and then some, Ya feel us?  To bring it home we have yet another Hall of Fame call from Top Dog and this time he weighs in on Double Pipe Classics.  You can never have too much denim. 

Oh my Gawd Oh my gawd Oh my gawd Oh my Gawd, oh my Gawd, oh my Gawd, oh my Gawd, oh my Gawd, oh my Gawd, Oh my Gawd Oh my Gawd Oh my Gawd, oh my Gawd, oh my Gawd Oh my Gawd decir The scientists coming working today Mother f***ing sucks Oh my Gawd Oh my Gawd Oh my Gawd I forgot my gaw warning Bitch, mother f***y, shoot, shoot, mothers f***y, oh Shoot, mothers f***y, shoot, mothers f***y, oh

Shoot, mother f***y, shoot, mothers f***y, oh Shoot, mother f***y, shoot, mothers f***y, oh Shoot, mother f***y, shoot, shoot, mothers f***y, oh Shoot, mother f***y, shoot, shoot, mothers f***y, oh Shoot, mother f***y, shoot, shoot, mothers f***y, shoot, Burt is fat. This instrumental by Andrew Rella is called Burt is Fat. And by the way, I just moments ago uploaded a new vlog that deals with the entire Burt is Fat phenomenon. So it's on my personal YouTube channel. Please subscribe or prescribe

to it. And yeah, it's the whole thing. So there's more layers, the story. There's more layers of the story. Wow. Please check it out. Yes. Burt Chrysler being fat. So I was at Flappers last night in the kitchen and Burt's on their calendar. They hand write in who's coming up on a dry erase board and it said Burt Chrysler with an N. That's awesome. Yeah. I change it to Chrysler immediately. Of course. Yeah, of course. Great weekend, by the way. We have a lot to cover today. Great, great weekend for me in Gashville, Tennessee at Zanies. All five shows sold out. Oh my goodness. Great crowds. I had absolute blast. I can't wait to hear about your IBS update. There's IBS. There's all kinds of updates, man. But thank you

so much. Josh Potter came out. Thank you so much for making the trip. Love Josh Potter. Yeah, he's great. So it was really, really fun. What else this weekend? West Nutsack, New York. Oh, that's a big, big one for me. You've been there. I've been there. It's fun. You're going to love it. All the reviews are... I think there's an IHOP in that mall, too. So that's a win. People have been following up about that. They've been talking, saying there is indeed... Ah, see? Big day, big week for you. Yeah, it's a very big week for me. You're really going to enjoy that. Is the full charge with you, too? The full charge, yes. Oh, you guys are going to... Oh, we have endless pancakes. We'll have, yeah, all kinds of stuff coming out, man. Here's my calendar stuff. Sorry, I got to pull it up. July,

7, 8, 9, Burt's a Fatty, Ohio. Hell! That's good. Burt's a Fatty. Yeah. Home of the Cincinnati Fart. Room 618. 618. Renaissance. Now, will you be doing a pilgrimage? Well, you've got to your mind, of course. Okay. Going back there. That is July 7, 8, 9. July, 14, 15, 16, Man Diego, California. Yeah. July 21st through 23rd, Taint Pooish, Missouri. Thanks, Drew. St. Louis. Yes, St. Louis. August, I got Baltimore. She's a whore. Good. That's actually what's it called. Timonium, Magoobies. August, 4, 5, 6. And then Come All Over Us, Ohio. The Funny Bone. That's also in August. So, please, tomscure.com, hit the Shows page, and you can get your tickets now. Jeans? Jeans, this Wednesday, June 22nd. Actually, the day this drops. 8 p.m. I'm at the

Hollywood Improv. September 27th. Big show, by the way. Big show. It's a big show. I can't say why. I know, but mommy's, you want to go to the show. Go to the show, if you can. Melrose Improv, 8 p.m. It's show business, guys. Show business. September 27th, 8 p.m., Meatrabble, Washington. How's that one? It's good. And To Come On Ya Comedy Club. Yeah. One night only. One night only. September 28th. But you're really into Come On Ya. That's correct. That is correct. It's really into Come On Ya. Yeah, it's not in Me Rattle. No. September 28th. Portland. Oregon. Yeah. Oregano. Oregano. At the Herium Comedy Club. Oh boy. It's very inappropriate. I did not respect pronouns on that one. Okay. October 4th.

It's Dallas. Eat my ass. Eat my ass. Dallas, Texas. At Hyena's Comedy Club. Fun room. Yeah. I fell off the stage here. This is the club I fell off the stage. You did? Yeah. I was coming down in my ankle twisted and I ate shit. Oh Jesus. Yeah. It was really fun. I'm excited to go back again. October 5th. Houston. Houston. Yeah. Tejas at the Secret Group. Whatever that is. Yeah. I know who that is. Okay. Buy the tickets at my website, thousand ranch dot com. That's thousand ranch. Spelling it out too. T-H-O-U-S-A-N-D-R-A-N-C-A-N-G. Yeah. How about we forgot to say man, H-T-T-P colon slash. Yeah. W-W-W-Dot. It can be very hard to figure this stuff out. Remember you guys made fun of me in Blue Band because I did it wrong in my,

was it Instagram or Twitter? I did put W-W-W-W and then what, what did I do wrong? You did everything wrong. Am I a dad with my technology? Of course you are. Damn. You ready to start the show? Yeah. Let's do it. Here we go. Oh boy. Here we go. Wait a minute. Let's start the show. Oh boy. Shellin' off again, huh? It's been thirsty. I'm the water champion. Who is Ryan? Don't bring anyone lovin' to this.

It's your mom in the fuckin' sand. I got you your own water. Hold on. I know you're reaching for my water, but I brought you a more appropriate sized water cup for your water intake. You gotta use both hands like Ellis does. Is that good? It's nice and warm. It's from the sink. Is it? It's tap water. Jesus, you jerk. You couldn't even give me regular water. All right here, I'll put the good stuff in there for you. Well, you drank a lot of that. You must not have been drinking that much this morning.

No, I'm drinking coffee right now. You know why? Because I'm super tired from drinking so much water. Sure. What color was your pee this morning? You're finished your sippy. It was so clear that it was just transparent. Whatever. You don't even know this yet. I haven't told you, but I installed this thing we got. It's called the bowl glow. It's a stupid little device you put in the toilet, and it lights up the water at night so you can see the toilet. It can be any color. Red, blue, green. That's what that thing is. Yeah. So I was thinking how fun it would be if it's like, you know, if it's blue and then you make the water green.

With you, it's going to be like a dark green though. No. Yeah. No, with me, it'll stay blue. Yeah. It'll be like, oh, it's clear. It doesn't even turn anything. I should have made it red. That's normally what you see, too. I crushed it this weekend with water and with fitness, actually. Yeah, really? No, I'm serious. Tell me about it. Okay. Well, I landed in Gashville, Nashville, Tennessee. I worked out every day there. Good for you. So Thursday, I did, what did I do? I did both. It was a split day, so I did cardio and weights. Wow. Friday only weights and Saturday cardio. Wow. I did it like two hours before my shows, so I could work out, then you shower, eat a little

something, go to the show, and I just drank just ridiculous amounts of water. Plus it was hot as fuck. That'll make you drink a lot of water. It's true. I did. I drank a lot of water this week. Wow. Good for you. See, that's like a notable thing for you because I drink water all the time, and I got a massage. You hit the weights? You hit the weights? I had the weights every morning. I wake up at 5 a.m. before the kid wakes up and I hit the weights. You even see me down there in the garage? I heard you say massage. Well, for my 40th birthday, my BFF Shauna came and we went to Bark Williams. Happy Smurf Day. Thank you. I'm 21 years old. Oh, you went to Bark Williams? Yes. Did I have anything to do with that? I don't know. Jesus. No, thank you for my

mom's massage, and I got my nails and my toes, and they go, now you're going to want to hydrate after release all the toxins. But the lady, when she whispered in my ear, her breath was really bad. My masseuse. Did she go, y'all probably want to drink a little more because I can tell you don't drink? No, but then she goes, you're my favorite. No, she didn't. And then she kissed me on the fork. No, she didn't. Yeah, they don't do that for you there? Yeah, but I thought I was their favorite. Yeah. So she actually went, she went, you're my favorite. And her breath stuck? So bad. I know, don't whisper in my ear if your breath sticks. That's brutal. I just did an Uber ride with a driver whose breath wafted over across the console. I was like, Jesus, man. Get your entire life.

Now, this piece of shit video you made, I saw on Instagram. What were you threatening me with? You're like, oh, I drink more. Just a reminder that I'm the water champion. I flew to Nashville sitting next to R and B legend Jill Scott, by the way. Oh, right, right. Yeah. So my black celebrity status continues. Yeah, that's neat. I told her about it. About that? Yeah. I was like, I want to hear my list. She goes, yes, we talked like most of the flight. And she, I, she goes, yeah, I go, so I list her, but she was of course most impressed by Tyson. Yeah. That was a good get. I go, you're on the list now. She was like, okay. Now, do you have a funny story with her? She was so lovely and just like, just, she's a poet and, you know, she just talks about

being centered and balanced and happy and not needing everything to feel happy and like, wow, that's very, very fucking cool. She's very cool. Now, you issued a little video statement saying that you drink more water. I have a retort. I'd like to finally make an official retort. You've been attacking me and making this with you. Did you guys work on this together? I don't know, but I'm telling you that I am sick of the attacks on social media. And finally, this video will prove who is the real water drinking champion. Just remember, I, okay, schnitzel is she saying she drinks most water. She's got her little, her little hamster feeder in her cage. I'm a little concerned about this. Man, should I set this up? This is going to

definitively answer who's the more drinker of the waters in this house. So which one is it? It looks like there's two in here. Oh, great. It says 349 underscore video or 348 underscore water underscore drinking. 349. Yeah, 349. 349. Okay. Just so you know. Okay. So we're doing this? Just so you should I set it up a little bit? You tell me. Well, Tom, I decided to surveil your actual water drinking habits. What? Yeah. I have footage from the last episode of your mom's house and let's see who really drank more water. Oh man, you're so dead. You're so dead with my, with my response video. Absolutely massive. Well, let's see who drank more water in the last episode of your mom's house. Shall we? Yes. What is she barking at? Just like barking in our

video. Okay. Hmm. That's music. Yeah. Okay. All right, which mommy drinks more water? That's what it says. There's me. I got one so far drinking. There's Tom. He's got one. I got two, two times. This is ridiculous. I got three to Tom's one right now. All right. He's got two. I kind of retell you the flaw in your video. Tom's got three. I've got four. Can I tell you the flaw in this? What's the flaw? There's no flaw. I'm drinking so much more than you. That is not true. You can tell. You can tell. You're really going to contest. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can tell. Like yours is like, like yours is like a bits. He said, like, and I'm like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. Whatever. Let's let the

record show. I'm at five, five times drinking. You're only at three. Uh-oh. You're four. So retarded. I'm at six. You're at four. Uh-oh. Here I go. Seven. I'm at seven and you're still at four. Oh, I'm at eight and you're still at four. I'm double. I'm double what you drank on the last episode. That's noxious. So it's so good. Look who won. Me. I drank double what you drank. It's an old song. It's on the record. Oh, okay. So that was Blue Band. Thank you Blue Band for making that inspired. Secondly, I drank double what you drank on the last episode. Secondly, first of all, I mean people, I feel like they can see this and they can see the manipulation. What manipulation? It was honest. I just asked him after the episode. Why don't you put it together

that I had an empty like 69 ounce bottle and that you had a still like half full Avion. We were like, not true because I had two Avion. Look, I have the backup water to go with my primary. There's overwhelming online support that I'm the water champion. Yes, there is. I've been getting a lot of people are just like, I told, look at any post now and Instagram, Twitter, they're like clearly times the water champ. Yeah. Yeah. That is so false. If you look in my car, just go down to my car. There's empty water bottles, half bottles. I hydrate constantly. I just knocked down that sippy cup like it was nothing. Well, it is nothing. It's a baby, baby cup dummy. That's so stupid. Right. And it's so wrong. You just got the water. You just got moated and your

booty exploded. Here we go. Well, where's your water for today? It's here right now. Okay. Whatever. That's the point. That's a sip for me. Well, your sip for me is a fucking pint and a sip for you is like, like a little baby sip. That's because you're a bear. You are a drink way more water. Five times my size and you drink five times less. Actually, you're hydrated. Inferior. Half hydrate. Inferior. Yes. You're age two. No. Wow. And I'm age two. Wow. Yeah. Wow. So I just want to make it clear that video is dog shit. Oh, and you're the dog shit. You're the water winner in the same sense. If I were to play, you know, basketball with our son right now, I'd be like, you're the winner too. You know,

I just put it in the basket. You're just so mad because I burned you so good. It's so so offensive. Moated and your booty exploded all over this water place. Okay, we'll see. We'll do a legit contest coming up legit. It's already been done legit. You want to talk about what happened on Burt's fat? We can go there. What did you want to talk about though? Nashville. Oh, right. So you you've met several celebrities in your life. You've met your Jill Scott. Yeah. And that was awesome. You sat next to her and then you met another celebrity. By the way, a bunch of Titans came out, Tennessee Titans football players, current and former, really nice guys, hung out with them. So shout out to the Titans. Yeah, so you're never going to believe

this. Well, you will now, but I think a lot of our audience will be blown away by this. Throatzilla came to a show Saturday. It was unexpected. I've seen her post some things like, when are you doing a show here? And I've just, you know, never, it never occurred to me that that she wouldn't. I saw a couple posts that she said, I'm coming to Nashville, but you never, you know, people post things on your wall and you're like, okay. Yeah. She bought a ticket. She showed up and she wore a shirt that said Throatzilla on it and then Google me. I'm so hoping somebody there was like, I wonder what that means. It picked up their phone like, Google. Whoa. So yeah, she DM'd me on Twitter. Like I'm going to see your man, what's his shirt size

and then, and then he's, she's like, there's too many people in line. Oh, really? To meet your husband. And I was like, what, wait, the woman who sucks dicks professionally is like, it's too hard to see your husband. Maybe you shouldn't be DMing the wife. How about that Throatzilla? But that's how, how pure her intentions are. No, I know. I believe that. Yeah. But the funniest thing was that Friday I'm out with my friend Mike and his wife and I'd only briefly met his wife. So now we're having dinner after the show. And I actually, since I'm just getting to know her, I go, so how'd you guys meet? And as she's telling me, and that's usually a story that you're, you should pay attention, you're pretty engaged. My phone's lighting up and it's you. So I just go

like, you know, I just kind of look real quick and it says, are you and your friends getting blown by Throatzilla right now? And so I go, I got it. I got to answer this, right? So I type back to you like, of course, yeah, yeah, we're all, we're all doing that, whatever. No. And then she's continuing with the story. And then the phone lights up again. And it's, it's, it's you. And I keep going. So I have to go, I'm sorry to, I'm not trying to be rude here. But I think I got to call my wife. She's like, she goes, no, of course, it's your wife, like, call her. She has no idea what we talk about. So I try to call you, but of course we have no reception here. So I have to keep texting you. And then when I finally feel like, because I don't,

you know, with texts, she actually had a good suggestion. She's like, I go, I can't tell what she's joking. You know, sometimes when we joke, she goes, you're going to have like an emoji that's code for a joke. Oh, that's a good one. That's a serious or I'm not serious. Yeah. If I use emojis generally and the text exchange, it means I'm, I'm happy. What if you had one that meant this is right? Right. I know. But just so you know, generally, if I'm using emojis, it means I'm not really mad. True. You know, so here is, here's the exchange. Yeah. I go, no, she's not there. You go, Oh, good. I'm so happy. My, the blowjob lady is BFFs with my husband. So I'm like, babe,

yeah, hopefully she'll be getting ready for Josh. All right. With me. Ha, ha, ha. And then you go, how did this come about that she's making a trip to see you? I go, yeah, how special. What a nice trip to arrange. And then I told this to Josh. I've never seen him laugh so hard. You go, great. So can I become friends with the pussy eating machine guy? Yeah. And I go, we are not friends. And then you did put a bunch of emojis in. Yeah. Yeah. Eye rolling and one of the family emoji. Yeah. Like remember your family. Yeah. Please remember your family and, and your two dogs. Yeah. And I sent a, yeah, emoticons for dogs and for our child together. And you go, please don't ruin our lives.

And I go, babe, I'm not, you're killing me. And then you sent me a picture of you and our son. Well, the best part was this, that whole exchange then led to, yeah. Blueberry really likes this. Yeah. I know that whole exchange then led to me coming back to the table and of course everything. All right. And I go, oh yeah. You know, my wife was just joking, but I didn't know she was like, oh, you know what, she, she makes a suggestion. I go, yeah, it's just this whole throatzilla thing. And she's like, I'm sorry. So then I'm laying out the details of who throatzilla is. And I can see her face is like, that's cool. And I'm like realizing that our, you know, level of appropriate dinner talk.

Our normal's a little skewed. Yeah. Especially for first time dinner. Like normal people. The blowjob queen, you know? So anyways, they were, they were very nice people. I bet. But I think I horrified her, but oh, and throatzilla was very nice. Yeah, I know, I know. And that's how I finally got you to calm down. I was like, babe, calm down. Yeah. I go, I'm joking. You go, come on, man. I go, well, first of all, I don't even have $400 on me. And you're like, oh, okay. I'm like, you could have led with that. Yeah. That I don't have $400. Yeah. I don't have hundreds of dollars to spend on blowjobs. Gosh. No, I did have my fingers crossed for Josh though. I'll be honest with you. I would,

I actually did as well. So what happened? Did she meet Josh too? Or, you know, what is a separation of church and state? She was out for a night of just comedy and having fun. Right. Right. Right. She was, she was off the clock, so to speak. Yeah. So when she met him and she was like, oh, hi, nice to meet you. Like she was just nice and sweet lady. Yeah. Very nice. That is, what an exciting day for you. I think Josh was kind of excited. He was like, hello. Like he knew who it was. Josh, by the way, is the one who introduced the whole story. I know he started this at Virginia Beach with us. I told her, I go, Josh is the one. Maybe, you know, maybe reward him. You know, and she was like, ah, she just said goodbye and left. So, but no, she sounded

sweet actually. She's very nice. Yeah. I saw the picture of you two together and yeah, somebody just saw the back of her head in the picture. Somebody, somebody goes, did you give her that? Did she give you the throat or whatever? And she posted, oh, I could never do that. I love his wife. Oh, that's sweet. No, she's sweet later. Your BFFs would throw that. I know. We DM each other. It's really cute. I gave her your shirt size. Yeah. I was supposed to get my own shirt. I should tell her your dog size. Yeah. So anyways. Well, good. I'm glad to hear that your marriage is, your vows are still intact, huh? They're still intact. Yeah. Maybe we'll get Josh Potter a BJ. That's the goal. That's the goal. Yeah. What do you think it would take? I mean,

it probably would take those hundreds and hundreds of dollars. Yeah. My whole thing is how disposable is your income? Right. I mean, if I was making five, 10 million dollars a year, I think that's well worth the entertainment. It sure is. Yeah. Hey, here's whatever your fee is. Right. Please. Do we make them Snapchat it? You know, do we make it public or? I wonder if he would sign up for that. That's what I'm saying. You can't just get something for nothing, Josh. If we get this for you, you need to... Well, as long as you give us a play by play afterwards of how... Should we do a Kickstarter for Josh Potter? He did say though, because we've seen some of her online footage. Yeah. And it's with, let's just say, large individuals. He goes, what would she do with me?

Just kind of lean forward and then it would all be gone. Oh, I told her, I asked her to do that for that video. Yeah. I go, so then can you go... And she goes, that's not what it sounds like. Yeah. So she did her own. She was like, she did it. There was all kinds of people in the room and they were like, wow, that sounds way more authentic than Tom's version. She's a professional. Experienced, yeah. That's a professional right there. I'm a professional, man. So... Well, big, big celebrity week for you. Big celebrity week. Jill Scott and Throedzilla. So hilarious. So hilarious. So you're in Smashville and give us an IBS update. Did you... Really interesting. Yeah. You know what's so interesting is sometimes you have explosive

diarrhea like I do a couple of times a week and you'll go, oh, it's, you know, what I just ate must cause it. And you go, that's too rich or something. And then it's kind of not on your mind. The next day, have a cheeseburger and later you have a totally normal bowel movement. Oh, so that is IBS. So you're like, so that is IBS? Yeah. I mean, that's from what I understand because it is random. It could be like a spasmatic bowel thing. So it is kind of arbitrary. So that could be part of it. I don't know. Okay. Well, I'm going to a specialist. Yeah. When is that appointment? It's coming up. Let's put that on the calendar. What is Blue Band laughing at? I don't know. I think he's just

laughing that I have an appointment. Maybe you can take him along with you and video it. Maybe not. When is that appointment? Jesus. What is today? The 20th. Okay. So I have some appointment tomorrow, but that's not it. Oh, it's the 30th. Good. Okay. The 30th. Are you keeping kind of a food diary so that you can tell the doctor after I eat certain this and that? It's a good idea. I think that's what they're going to make you do. Right. So I'll do that. I know tempura makes you whenever we get like a fried fried food. You shit right away. Yeah. Vegetables make you shit a lot. Yeah. Pretty much everything makes you shit. No. You say that and that's not true. Did you shit from the turkey skinny I made?

That upsets your stomach too. I didn't have Rhea. No. Just a blaster. No, just that's like a normal dump. Yeah. I mean, what was this morning's like? It was a little hot, but nothing. You went out in a panic. We were putting LJ down for his nap and you were like, I got a shit. I was like, give me the baby. God, don't. Well, the thing is I was sitting with it. Once I stood up, it was like, I still had to go, but sitting down, I was the first coffee of the day. I was ready to go. You know, it was kind of hot. So, but in Nashville, what did you get to eat? Ribs? Because that's the big stuff. No, I didn't do anything crazy. I mean, you know how it is. You always think you're going to do something like that, but if you don't really make the effort, like I always

want to go to Hattie B's there, which is like the hot chicken place. There's a line around. Don't you hate that? I never feel like doing that ever. I know. No matter how good it is, if they're like, yeah, then you just wait in line 45 minutes. No, I'm good. I agree. I go down the straight to the other place. I went to a good breakfast place. What else did I do? Pretty much it, man. I ate at the hotel once, went out to eat once. We stayed in Smashville. We did that Xanies together. That's right. We brought the beef even that time. That was a few years ago. When was that? Not that long ago. Maybe, maybe two years. Yeah. Yeah. We stayed in some cool place downtown. There was that fancy restaurant across the street in the hotel that you liked.

Remember that? Yep. Yep. Yep. I hate that shit where they're like, let's go to this famous waffle place for breakfast and you're like, great, I'm starving. And then you get there and they're like, that's another 40 minutes. And you're like, but I'm already fucking hungry. Then you got to stand there and you're watching impatiently as everybody gets seated. And then by the time you sit down, you're freaking out. That's the worst. By the way, I love these these weird Midwest and Southern calling contests that they have. Oh, right. We've had the mom calling contests. Yeah. Yeah. It's silly. So this is a hog calling contest. Yes. It's so bizarre, man. It is a whole art form. Yeah. Chris Carr, Seymour, Illinois. Look how many motherfuckers

are watching this. That's the crazy part. Yeah. Bert. Chris Carr. So, wow, that's weird. What happened? You're not going to watch the other one? Yeah, I am. There's different files. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah, that was a good one. So that guy, he also had a corn cob on his head. Sure. So these people really do spend their days calling pigs like that. I didn't know. I don't know why you can't just call a pig the way you would at the dogs. This guy's awesome. I like this one. Yeah. Come on, pig. This is how you talk to me. Is that it? Come on, pig. Wait, you didn't get the rest of his? What? Are you serious? Jesus, man.

Holy shit. That's the whole thing is so good at it. Blueban, he was the best. Yeah, that guy really, and he kind of looks like a pig, too. Super fat. Babe. He's, you know, we should just, instead of calling people fat, we should just call them Bert. That guy's super Bert, you know? Okay. It's a pretty intense feeling. So Bert today. Yeah, you really are. Oh, did he make, he made a video about you, too. Yeah, I did. Yeah. Yeah. We got to get to that one. His, uh, Chris Carr, Seymour, Illinois. Okay, here we go. Here he goes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Come on, pig. Piggy. Come on, Piggy.

So good. Damn, that guy crushed it. You murdered that shit, bro. Dropped the mic after that. He's got that Lloyd Christmas hair cut. Yeah, I'm actually in the city. Oh, really? I actually studied this and watched it and watched it. So we'll see how well I do today. Okay. Yeah, we will, won't we? You call yourself a pig collar. So what? So what? So what? So what? I feel like he's never really called a pig. That's not authentic. Is that really get them to come to you better? Oh, wow. Yeah. He just, yeah. Okay. Nailed that

shit. Thank you. You got it. His big mistake, too. You don't want to go to the thing like, I'm from the city. Fuck you. Don't qualify what you're doing. Just fucking do it. Yeah. Don't make excuses. We're a country of shit. Can you see us? Yeah. We don't want to hear about you city folk. We're a country of shit. Yeah. This is an Illinois. Whoa, there's an actual pig doing it. Guys, don't fat shame me. Jesus. Don't burt shame her. Burt with long hair right there. She doesn't have a chin. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. Oh, no, no, no. They shouldn't have zoomed back. This is crazy.

She looks like two birds tied together. That's not even a pig. Call what she's doing. I don't know what she's doing. That's awesome. I think she's just she took it to an interpretive level. Look how uncomfortable. Yeah. She's like, um, that wasn't a big call. That was something else. They're all looking at each other like, oh, check what's crazy. That's how she comes to. That's what you need. Wow. Oh, now we got to decide, right? Yeah. Oh, my God. Do you know who wins? Really? What? Oh, bullshit. She sucked compared to, uh, no, that fat guy was, uh, the second guy

was good. The sunglasses. That was a maze. That's crazy. That's bad. This is the area. Your hog calling champion this year is Kyle Barkley. All right. This guy. Hell no. Hell to the no. Oh, this is fixed. I'm from Des Moines, Iowa. Oh, he's a city guy. Well, I'm a newbie here at the Illinois State Fair. I have actually won the Iowa State Fair three times. I'm the reigning champion over there. And I was going to try the pig calling trifecta. So you're gonna become a hot girl in the States and we're gonna hit him in the face. Yeah, he sucks. Nobody likes you. No, dude. You're not the champion. No, he's not the champion. Not in your mom's house. You're not as big boy with the sunglasses. Definitely. By a mile,

that guy really killed it. Yeah. You know what it is? I think they were sold by his hand gestures. They liked it. He, he's, he added a little more performance flair. Yeah. I agree. And he went up with that. Oh, you do it. You sound like you're almost ready to do it. I like the, uh, that's good, by the way. Really good. I didn't even practice. That was my first time, but that, that shriek that sounds genuine, pig-ish. You don't talk when they do the like, yeah, that thing. That is so good. I am. You didn't even. Wow. Maybe I'm the master of the pig calling. I'm closing my eyes. Go for it. Burt. She's that woman was super fat. She's so big. That was alarming. Yeah. You couldn't even see

her chin. Oh, by the way, my father texted me. Yeah. I gotta tell you this a few days ago and he texts me that I put it on, um, I put it on Instagram. He goes, I'm in the Orlando airport. Yum. And I'm shitting in the stall that I shot in 18 years ago. Wow. So I wanted to see if we can get him on the, uh, phone. Geez. Let's see. The Orlando airport. His chin is on the, the outlet, like the cord. Hey, dad. Hey, buddy. How you doing? Good, man. How's it going? Oh, it's going good. Just going good. Just chilling right now. Yeah. Um, happy Father's Day, of course,

again. I hope you had a good one. Thank you. Thank you. Um, yeah, I did. Yeah. I, uh, I wanted to ask you, uh, you texted me the other day that you went to the Orlando airport and, oh yeah. Yeah. You ended up in the same stall where I did my, my famous shit of 19 years ago. This was the shit that went through your pants? Yeah. Yeah. This is the one where I had to leave my underwear in the, in the place and kind of just do the best I could with my trousers and had to get on the plane, you know, with a little bounce spot in the cracker, you know? So this was the exact stall. So it was kind of, it ended up being kind of a nostalgic moment,

if you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. You know, you get emotional. Well, you know, I didn't get emotional, but you know, I, I realized this is one of the challenges that you face in life and you have to, you know, I mean, I actually thought about having to go home, but I got it out and made my flight and, you know, got into the new place. Right. So where were you flying to? Do you remember? Oh, uh, I was flying to, I think I was flying to Arizona. It was a long flight. Oh, wow. So you cross country with Dukie on your pants. Cross country. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Um, wow, that's pretty, that's pretty neat. It'd be kind of cool if you also were to go to the, uh, same gas station in Miami that you pulled over for your biggest shit ever. You remember that one? You know, if that place still existed today, it would be a miracle. I mean, you know, that, oh, that we're talking by Miami standards. You know, it's a kind of place where, you know, on the side, you had transmissions and I just discarded on the side. Oh, wow. Do you remember, did you finish that shit? Did you tell mom about it at all or no? Cause it was so epic. Probably. Probably. Yeah. Do you think you probably enjoyed that or no? Definitely not. Definitely not.

You know, I also wanted to, we've been getting a lot, a lot of people emailing us about double pipe classics, you know? Oh yeah. Yeah. And that's a rare event. Yeah. That is a rare event. You know, I can tell you, they're very rare. Yeah. When I had my last one, that's, you know, you can go a whole year too without even having one. Yeah. I mean, Christina had like her first one this year, I think first one in ages, you know, and I haven't had one this year. I haven't had one this year either. Yeah. That's the thing is, and people are keep trying to, they keep trying to manufacture them and I try to encourage them.

Well, no, you can't, you can't do it. Yeah. You just one of those things. Yeah. You know, it's one of those things that you just, you got to let it happen. Like, you can't make it rain. You know, there's certain things, right? Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. I didn't remember the last time that it's been a while. You can't make it rain. That's true. Yeah. I mean, because then people will be like, hey, I sneezed and farted at the same time. Does that count? And I'm like, no, of course not. That's easy to do though. That's, that's easy to do. You know, it's not special. But, you know, and, but not when you fart and do it at the same time and all that.

No, and then, you know, and it sounds different too, because, you know, yeah. I mean, you got to think about the reason it's so rare too, is that you got air coming out of both ends. You know, usually, usually it picks a, it picks a road. You know, it doesn't actually go down both. Oh yeah. It is. You know, that's, that's right. You know, if I get punched in the dead and it goes both ways. Yeah. Yeah. It's really, it's really something. So I remember the last time I had one of those, you know, I haven't had one that I would really remember it. You know, pretty, I'm pretty good about my classic moments, but I can't take it this far. Wow. See, that just shows you that you as the master haven't even, you don't even recall

your lap. I remember having one, I believe, and we could probably find it in our show a year ago, and it's, you know, for me, probably maybe the third or fourth ever. Very rare. They're so rare. And yeah, every time though, it's a really special moment. A lot of people have let us know about their first time and they're like, oh, it happened to me today is really spectacular. Well, yeah. You know, there's only one first time for first time. Right. Right. Right. That's true. So have your, you know, I'm going to go see a specialist actually, because I have so many catastrophic shits that I'm actually going to go check my guts out. Really? Yeah. I mean, I don't know that I have anything medical for sure, but I just figured,

you know, I should just check it out and see if any, maybe food allergies. If I could, if I could do my career all over again, I'd really want to be a gastroenterologist. Oh yeah, you're made for it. But just if fascinates me, what goes on inside there and the guts. Yeah. Well, you know, I took an anti, I got a buntitis. I took an antibiotic. An antibiotic I never taken before. Well, I had the hardest shift I've had in years. Okay. Really? I mean, we're talking, we're talking onesies and twosies. Okay. Wait, how long ago was this? But this is just two weeks ago. Oh really? I remember it was it last year when you had the real hard shits and we talked about high-grading. Yeah, but this is really due to the antibiotic.

Well, I loaded up on metamucil and the six or so did make a difference. Once I quit, once I quit the antibiotic, I knew I was out of the clear and I had more of my normal parts smelled a certain way. You know, I kind of know. Smell a certain way. Yeah. Oh yeah. And that was like the go signal. And sure enough, later that day, back to normal. Wow. What a neat story. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And how have you had advice? They fill with that bacteria in your gut. Okay. Oh, right. Yeah. That's what they do. They, they, they not only kill the redermis for your, what's wrong with you, but they also getting a gut and oh, I have to tell you this. Okay. I was having lunch with a doctor.

It was like 85. And I don't know if you've ever heard what's called C. diff, but it's a bacterial infection that is really a result of taking too many antibiotics. Okay. Very common in nursing homes and today was people just take too many antibiotics and they get C. diff. All right. Well, you know, a lot of people, they say take probiotics and all the stuff, but the, what they really need to do is introduce shit back into your, your gut. In the old days, they used to give you shit enemas. They would give you an animal or somebody else's shit into your gut in order to reintroduce that bacteria. What about just doing that for fun? Well, you know, I'm sure that somebody might want to

do that for fun, but I was just fascinated by that. Yeah, that is interesting. So wait, did you know that they used to do that or no? No, I never knew that until here earlier this year when I was having lots of this doctor. Wow. Shit animal. What's the, what's the condition called? C. diff? C. diff. Yeah. Wait, spell it. C. Yeah. D. I. F. F. C. diff. Okay. Oh, by the way, speaking of shits, how about your bedspread? Is everything cool with that now? Oh, yeah. Yeah, everything's cool. Everything's cool. Yeah. Could you shit on it? I did. I did, but we're good to go. Okay. You know, it's, yeah, and really, I tell you, you gotta, it takes a lot of room in the washing. You only do one thing in the washer

and then the dryer and stuff, you know, it's a lot of work to do a whole bedspread, but I'm fine. You're fine. Okay. Okay. And the bedspread is fine. Yeah. What you do is if you buy yourself, I was buying myself, and I did this, you know, you just take that, the shady part, you just kind of fold it the other way. So it doesn't get hot yet. Okay. And you just sweep. But, but you didn't do that, right? Didn't you wash it right away? You know, I think I did it the next day to tell you the truth. Okay. Dad. You slept in a, in a shit filled bedspread? Yeah. Oh my God. That's barbaric, man. I know. I know. You know, it's your own stuff,

so who cares? Okay. Well, I do. I think I would probably get up. It's really, that's really savage. My own brand really doesn't bother me that much. Okay. Jesus, man. So you just, oh, he hung up. Guess how he did it, I bet. For this face? Yes. I bet you he didn't. Of course. He mashed his face into the... Watch. It'll be the first thing he said. I hung up on you my face, hit it. Hey, buddy. Only him, man. Can you believe that? I can. It's a little like the room 808, room 618, Revelation. Yeah. He told us one story and it actually was another story. Really interesting. Really interesting. Man, I can't, I can't call him back. Trying to. Oh, maybe he's calling you? No. I don't know, man. I gotta let the schnitzel out. You do? I think she

has to go potty. I gotta go potty too, because I hydrate so much. Well, at least for me, just at least came up with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, she's standing up. Yeah, she is. Hello? Hey, what happened there? I just, the world with cell phones, okay. Oh, really? Are you sure you didn't accidentally hang up? No, no, no. I'm just, I'm just listening. I am laying down. Yeah. Want me to set up? No, no, no. It's fine. It's fine. Okay. Well, look. Oh, by the way, I know you have a travel day coming up. You know, travel days are really, I travel a lot and it can really affect your bowel movement. So just make sure you. It does. Oh, it does. You know, I have to tell you, it does. Yeah. You know, I'm traveling. And the trouble is, is that I'm, you know, I'm hitting

the road to go to the airport tomorrow at eight o'clock, which is really my normal bomb, normal bombs away time is 830. Okay. Yeah. So I'll be in the car. So that just, it just plugs you up the whole way and then you gotta get another car and got your dinner. And so I probably won't do my first load until tomorrow night. Oh wow. Yeah. That's going to be something. Okay. Yeah. I smell dog. I'll do back to back loads probably in the evening. Okay. Cool. All right, buddy. Let me, let me know how it goes. Okay. I love you. I love you. All right. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Unreal. Yeah, we're back. How is the dog? Can I have my water? Yeah. Well, Schnitzel had to shit twice. That was an intense time for her. No, please. Don't drink it all.

That's just a sip for me. That is not just a sip for you. You're such a liar. She took two dumps in the grass. There's 40 of your sips left. Yep. The biggest sip of your life just went down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's bullshit. Anyway, she did shit pretty bad. So she's usually stupid and she'll just go when the sprinklers are on, you know? Yeah. But she actually waited for them to be finished, which is a first. Good. And she comes back. Good job, Schnitzel. Like a ding dong. Because she's a ding dong. How amazing was that call with top dog? I loved when he's like, you can't make it rain with double pipes, which is true. That's the whole essence of it. It's special. It's rare.

Just out of respect, we got to do this. Hey, buddy, it's top dog. Right. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. It's top dog. Hey, buddy. It's top dog. You need to wipe down. It's top dog. Now, did you talk to him yesterday on Farter's Day? Briefly, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's brief. What did he do? Go to the movies with your mom? No, I think my mom and my aunt flew back from Peyru. Oh, right. So he was alone that whole time without your mom? They were gone for 10 days. What does he do without her? Nothing. Right. He's like, like me, stares at the ceiling, doesn't like, forgets to eat. Why is that with men? If the wife leaves, they just, they stop eating. They can't count on you, man. What do you think? Stay up all night.

Yeah. For me, I go to bed like 430 every night that you're gone. I'm like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I just ate what we had in the snack drawers. I have no meals. No, I think we put a little order in your life. But when you leave, I fly off the rails too. No, not behaviorally. I just get really like, I don't know what to do right now. I just feel like you're, you're my, you know, you're, you're my left side. You're my other pair of, we share a pair of jeans. It's like, I do not go to bed when you're gone. I don't. But you have to wake up with LJ. I mean, it, it's better now, but when, before him. Oh, you never did. Completely. I was like, it's 5am. I should really just turn

it in. I should like that. What were you doing? Watching TV, watching movies and just like forcing, like feeling tired. Fight through it. Right. I don't know what. I remember those days before a kid, when you could just stay up all night and then just sleep the next day. Yeah, I know. Just stay in bed. Those days are over. Go to brunch. Yeah. Yeah. It's not going to happen for a minute, son. No, I fly off the rails too. I just, I don't know what to do with myself, you know, because there's a left leg in my jeans. I know. And when you're not here, I'm like, I don't know what, what do I do? Hopping around on one leg. Yeah. I know how it feels. Sucks. I know how it feels jeans. You might mean mommy. You're mine. This is how I feel when, when you're not around.

I'm excited. You're so happy that I'm done. Are you serious? Yes. There is no American announcer. There is anything even close to that. I know. Basically Dick Vitale probably would be the guy, right? That is somewhat. What does he do? What's his sound? He just really, he is so high energy that he talks himself out of breath. He says, yeah, baby. It's always baby, but he's like screaming it. He gets really hype about it. So people that, that are, you know,

he definitely adds enthusiasm, but it could definitely wear you out. It's a, it's a lot. It's definitely a lot. Wow. This is Italian, right? Yeah. This is Italy for sure. I can't even imagine getting this excited about soccer. Well, just damn it. I like enthusiastic announcers, but it's just crazy to, to be like that, right? Like, yes. Especially because it ain't for American football. Yeah, I'll give you what he's like. Here's another guy who stimulates the eardrum. The ESPN announcer, Dick Vitale, who clearly gets carried away with his work. This guy is going to be a future political leader. That's fun. Yeah. That's still within reason, though. It's within reason. Yeah, this is out of

control. I can't believe it. I can't believe it, Kelly. That's like, oh my god. He does, are you serious, baby? An awesome baby. Oh, no, he missed them. The fans open. Get it to you. Get it. He's, he's, you know, it's exciting. Americans are very contained, though. This says that Dick Vitale goes crazy here. So this is daily newspapers to cover this program. Wallace Block by Knight. We just talked about Knight, you and I, off the air. How does it become such an improved player? I don't care. You mentioned hysteria. It's H-squared here. Who's hysteria? He looks at the three and knocks it down. Rose Sheffa. It sounds pretty reasonable. I don't know.

It's still reasonable. That's good. That's not nowhere near Italian. Europeans really love their soccer, though. They go crazy. You know, they go really nuts. Actually, everyone does, except for us. Yeah. Everybody does. The Arabs love it. Koreans love it. Koreans, the Arabs, the Latins. The English. Okay. Well, anyways, you got it. Yeah, he was fine. You got it. Yeah. Awesome baby. That's him. This guy, though, because there's also the Spanish goal guy. I like that guy. I know you're talking about. That's fun. But every guy's got to find their hook, these announcers. You got to find your

special hook. Yours would be fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart. Babe, that's not what I would do. Let's see. Let's see. The Spanish. You don't fart into the mic anymore like you used to. I did used to do that. Actually, I did it in a really, in a classic Jeans episode. You know, because we used to have handheld mics back in Silver Lake. It's not like we're normal. Oh my God. I wanted to have one picked up. I wanted to have one get picked up on the audio. I can't believe you. Let me just describe. Oh my God, I'm gonna throw up. Babe. That's awesome. It smells so fucking terrible. What is the smell? Oh my, I'm gonna throw up. Oh my, I'm gonna throw up. I'm gonna throw up. It smells like gyoza, like those Japanese dumplings we had. Babe. That's rad.

I like that you went like this. This is what marriage is. You were pushing away with... Oh my God. That's so typical of you. That's so you. And I was like, who's Savannah? And they're like, she's one of the co-hosts. Oh my God. And so I go into a separate room. Oh my God. Yeah. I go into a separate room. And it's me and this girl, and this girl's a fucking absolute moron. He's trying to ignore it. That's the best part. That was horrible. We'll keep playing it. That's the clip. That's not the whole thing. No, I know, but that's the clip I have. Babe, that was horrible. And then what happened was Burt, you and I were podcasting. You farted, and then Burt kept telling the stupid Savannah story. And I was like, are you not going to address what just happened? Yeah.

Because we were in Burt's man cave. He's like, I can taste it. It's like coming into my mouth. We were in his man cave, and your fart just... Yeah. It was a black cloud in that room, and I had to get out. And I was like, who's Savannah? And they're like, she's one of the co-hosts. And so I go into a separate room. Oh my God. Yeah. I go into a separate room. That one I remember the smell of. That's funny. You bring this up because I remember that smell. I had to leave the room. I walked out of that podcast, remember? Oh yeah. I had to leave. Yeah. It was one of those. You were like, why? Because you smelled it. That was unreal. Yeah. God, your farts. I had a fart this morning when I was opening the dog crates, and you were so sweet. Oh my God. You guys are so disgusting.

Yeah. You didn't even acknowledge it. I remember. It was so long. Yeah. And loud. It was good. You didn't acknowledge it, though. I was trying to sleep. Yeah. I was trying to sleep, babe. Come. But I acknowledge it. Can you do that now for me? Can you give me what I deserve? Wow, what a fart. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. Pretty great. Appreciate it. Pretty great, babe. Thank you. You really dropped some heat on me. Bert just keeps telling us Savannah's story. Why did he chose to ignore you like a toddler? Like, I just ignore that bad behavior. Yeah. Unreal. Have you had any good public farts lately? Any good public farts? You fart on the plane lately? Yeah, I fart on every flight. I know.

I used to. Sometimes I lift up. The best kind is when you're trying to disguise it. Yes. You need to lift up, but you don't want to go. Yeah. So I'll be like, I'll be like, I'll look in the seat back pocket and I'll be fart there or act like the straps are kind of fucked up as I put it back together. Do that. That's interesting. I just usually have a blanket over my lap. So I just inch up that way and I feel like that can cross your legs. Yeah. Yeah. Pull the leg up. But I usually lean against the window. I thought of you naturally up. Oh, right. I thought of you the entire flight here. Yeah. Next to me, the guy, it's a morning flight, early morning. That's the fart city. Well, it's not just fart city. It's also body fluid city. Like,

it's everything. So the guy next to me every five minutes for a four hour flight went, Oh, God, that's the worst. Like clearing his sinuses. And then behind me, the guy went, and I was like, wow. I just kept hearing you being like, he's fucking disgusting. Well, don't get on the plane, AIDS monkey. If you're going to spread it like that. What's wrong with you? What's wrong with y'all? Wrong with y'all. I mean, don't spread your disease, pig. I agree. I agree. That's sucking in the snot thing really gets me. Yeah. That is my absolute least favorite. I just hate human beings on airplanes. Everything everyone does annoys the shit out of me. No, I know. I hate everybody. Yeah. It's been really nice not traveling as much

with the baby jeans. I, you know, I think it took that to make me slow down. Kind of balances you out. Yeah. I am so much happier now that I don't deal with humanity every week. I got a long flight coming up this week there and back to New York. So that's, that's a farts, farts capote. I have a early flight on Thursday. It's going to hurt your stomach big time. Now, did you fart next to Jill Scott? No, no, you had some respect. I did shit on that flight though, which I hated. Really? I hate shitting on planes. That's the worst. Yeah. But I had to. Well, now, have you tried? Jill Scott doesn't like salmon. I'm sorry. What? Jill Scott doesn't like salmon. I don't think you said that word, right? I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, salmon. Yeah.

Yeah. She doesn't like it. I discovered that. That's interesting. That's kind of how the conversation started actually. Why? We were ordering lunch. Yeah. And they said, would you like something or salad with salmon? Oh, yeah. And she was like, uh, right? And I was like, what? And then it started. We just started talking. Well, I wouldn't eat plane, airplane salmon, salmon to save my life. It's not great. It's not great. I ate it, but it's not. What airline was this? Delta. Yeah. Even they have decent meals. I wouldn't touch it. But what I was encouraging her is to go to a French restaurant and get traditional salmon, French made where I'm sorry. What? Franch salmon, salmon, where they have, you know,

basically it's rich, but medium rare. But yes, you know, they'll take even the spoon on the piping hot butter and drizzle it. So you have an outside that's kind of, you know, lightly fried basically with butter. But I would be careful with the rare salmon because you had that in Vegas and it made you really ill. But I don't think it was rare salmon as much as I just got. I mean, I don't get rare salmon. I just medium rare. I think it's the best way to have. I don't like that. I get scared. I get really nervous. It's too raw salmon. Yeah. Because you know, it's not sushi grade. It's just some pieces. Well, I wouldn't do that at just, you know, Fridays. I'm saying though, but if you go to like a high end place where it's quality stuff,

I do it that way. Yeah. Sure. Okay. Difference between you and me. Different strokes for the same folks. Everyone's the same. I got another voicemail from the Persian lady. You did. Yeah, we should play that. So it just, it just never ends. Nope. Just essentially the Salome continues. That's, uh, let's say this is the latest Salome voicemail. I know. She's never like hit me back. It's always like, let me tell you what's going on in my life in this voicemail. Well, maybe, maybe it's a diary like, Hey, Hitler, like, yeah, like it's just kind of her version of a vlog. Right. She just calls it Salome. What if Salome is this lady's nickname for Hitler? No, these are all for Hitler. I just,

I call affectionately calling him Salome. Salome likes YouTube and he likes voicemails. I don't know. Wow. Yeah. Salome. Salome. We did season four of the Americans now. And last night I was very upset. I'm not going to say what happened, but I'm still upset about it. Ever watch a show and then the next day you're fucking upset. Wait, did you just give away what happened? No, I didn't say what it was, but one of my favorite characters, something bad happened to them. And I'm very upset. Yeah. That's good. That series is so good. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness is right. Favorite. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Salome. So good. So good. So good. Yeah. Orange

is new black. I know you've probably been watched all of those. No, I mean, it's a great show, but I haven't. And we haven't watched blood farts because we're tied into this show. Yeah. We got to emotionally wrap it up with the Americans before we can start on the other. I'm excited. I've heard amazing things about the new season of blood farts. So have I. Yeah. When you knew they weren't going to fuck that up, I felt like that, you know. Yeah. No, I can't wait, dude. It's going to be great. It's going to be great. What else do I have for you? I have something else here. Oh, you know, we haven't done it. You know what I'm saying, counting a while, but we do have a you feel me count that came in for designer. You know who

that is? He's rapper. God damn it. So this is him in an interview on the radio. Check out his you feel me's are unbelievable. Okay. They're on top of each other. It's really impressive. So I think as far as you feel me, because I know you always like to make the distinction between you know, you know, saying you feel they're different categories. So this one is definitely only you feel me. It's it's really up there. Okay. Where did all start for you? I mean, music wise, I know I read on Wikipedia that you, you in the church choir and stuff like that. And the age 14, you started rhyming. That's correct. Oh, that's you for me. I just said, you for me at 14, you for me. I really changed my life over. You for me. I just got to it.

Definitely got to it. What? Yeah. I don't even understand what he said. Well, I could translate. Yeah, there's so much going on there. Well, the guy is definitely an island guy here for it. Is that what that is? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Could you do his accent please? Start for you. I mean music wise. I know I read on on the Wikipedia that you you in the church choir. Yeah. It's an easy one. You can do this. I read on the Wikipedia you in the church choir. I feel like he's a. You didn't even try on that one. I know I didn't but try it again. Hold on. Start for you. I mean music wise. I know I read on on the Wikipedia that you you in the church

choir. I read on the Wikipedia. It's you in the church choir. I was good. I was good. So yeah, I feel like he's like British islandy though, right? Like he's island island. That's an interesting one. Now where the hell is designer from because his act is also I don't understand if I can. He is. He is. Get the fuck out. This guy's from New York and he talks like this. What is happening? Happening. He sounds like he's from like the West Indies or something. Yeah, let me see. I did not understand. I heard some you feel me. I did hear you feel. Oh my god. Did you hear you feel me? Yeah. Yeah, he's from Brooklyn. What and what part do you know where this was?

Jesus. He's 19. You're kidding. Yeah. Is he from the West Indian part of you know what radio show this was taken from? No. I think it's some UK. I think he's in London right now. So this is okay. Master of accents. You tell us you feel me's were just out of that was out of his mind for people that don't know about Brooklyn. Yeah. Real quick for me people. Real quick for me. Hey, that's not like this. You know what I'm saying? Like it's real out there. You for me, you know, you got it. You got it really. You like know how to survive. It's a jungle out there. You know what I'm saying? Like a lot of hustlers every day. You just got to grind. Everybody out there on the ground. Everybody try to do that for me. I hate you man. So he's got that real lazy

flow. Uh huh. You know, like that. Yeah, by Brooklyn doing that thing a year ago. What was going on for designer. What was going on for the design design. I'm still grinding design. I was out here grinding. You for me doing this thing cooking up going into the streets. You for me like, you know, doing this dad trying to perform doing everything like that was me, that was just me every day. You for me in the studio man. You feel me. Yeah, he's cute though. He's sweet. Yeah, let's uh Let's see those. Look, let's see you feel me's together. You feel me. You for me. You for me. For me. For me. Yeah, for me. Yeah. I'm saying for me. You for me. You for him. You for me. For me. You. For me. You for me. So you for me. For. me. You for many you for me.

That's unbelievable. Yeah. I feel that's the best is that you dropped one in there. Yeah, I do know what you're saying. And I know what the fuck you mean. Okay, one thing. I do have in common with designer with two eyes on the ponder. Panda is that he was hydrating and he had an avion. Did you see that? Yeah, he had an avion bottle there. You are much closer to designer than you realize. I'd like him. I like him a lot more now than I see him. I like him. Very true. What is that song about the panda panda panda? What is this about? He's got bras in Atlanta. Uh-huh. That's all I know. But what's the what is the credit cards and the scanners? But what is panda panda panda panda? But what the fuck does this mean?

I don't know. Let's look it up. It's a BMW X6. It's what? It's a BMW that he really likes. That looks like a panda, a white X6. Oh, how the fuck would you know that? I looked it up. Oh, it's good. I'm like, well, I know you're young and you're in your 20s. You know this stuff inherently. Oh, you're right. It's totally what it is, huh? I looked it up. Wow. So that's what he's actually saying in that thing. It's a car that he likes. The BMW panda panda panda. Yeah, I got broads in Atlanta, twist and dope, lean and the fan credit cards and the scanners hitting off lakes in the band of black X6 Phantom, white X6 looks like a panda. Oh, that's kind of fun. Going out like I'm Montana, 100 killers, 100 hammers, black X6 Phantom, white X6 Panda pocket

swole Danny, selling bars, candy, manom, the macho like Randy, the tropical Oscar for Grammy. All right. Okay, I got it. It's cool. Now I see what all the kids are talking about and I like it. They must have sent him a few of them after that. For sure. They were like, excellent song designer. You got to start writing bits about cars, Tommy, Lamborghinis and stuff. Yeah, you're right. When you did your first 48 bit, those people sent us a bunch of a swag. They were the coolest. Yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah, that's cool. Okay. There you go. There you go. There's your panda. White X6, look a panda, panda, panda, panda. That's funny. All right. It's a weird like diction that he has for it though. It's interesting. It's definitely a pot thought. It's a pot. You

know, it was high as shit. Oh, yeah. That car looks like a panda. Oh, yeah. You're right. Yeah. What are you talking about? He's like super high. Not like I just hit it. I'm feeling a little funny. Right. That was, yeah. It's like one of those. Yeah. Yeah. It's a pot thought. Yeah. And he said it to somebody else who was high. I was like, you need to make that song. Yeah. Not like Rihanna's work, work, work, work. That was orchestrated by the man. The man. Sex with me. Oh, please. Yeah, that was really fun. Stoops. What other dumb shit are you listening to now? What's in here? What's your dumb shit? Yeah.

So crazy. Listen to how wrong that is. It's called passion, man. But seriously, what are you, what dumb shit are you listening to right now? I can tell you. That's what I just got. I got really into this weekend again. Digital underground again. That's okay. Classics. Yeah. So I was really into the Humpty Dance. Yeah. Same song. I played that a lot this weekend. I know that tune. You do? All around the world. Same song. Oh, you sound just like him. You look just like him. All right. Got the nose.

My name is Humpty. I'm at the Dumpty, please. Okay. Yo, ladies, allow me to hump the... And do what you like. Do what you like. Do what you like. Man. I like that song. You know, I know that shit. Back when you want to be raps was on. Yeah. That's the kind of shit that's what they play. That's the only reason I know that it's great to be raps was good. Yeah. Good for you. I'm really proud of you. That sounds like good shit. Yeah. Thanks, man. You got it. Appreciate you, man. I appreciate it. Fizzy does not like that song. So... All around the world. Same song. That's a good number. What happened to those guys? I don't know. Just doing that thing, stuff like that. Yeah. Aids.

Everything happens. They don't have aides, the digital underground. Yeah. They probably do, actually. They're all dead. Bangin' people in the 80s. That was their whole thing. Bangin'? Bangin' was like their hook. Yeah. So was Two Live Crew. Those guys all have aides, too. Yeah. They were the West Coast version of... They were a little cleaner, though, than... The digital underground was way cleaner than Two Live Crew, right? Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. Two Live Crew was just nasty. They were like nasty. You know, digital underground was like whatever. I get around shit. Yeah. I got a nose that looks like a pickle. Yeah. And they're like, whoa, that's great. I get freakin' a booger king. Yeah. It was all... They did metaphors and stuff,

and Two Live Crew was like face down, ass up. That's the way we like to fuck. Okay. Doodoo brown. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like my ass up there. LinkedIn is helpful. Yes. That's a Two Live Crew song. LinkedIn is helpful. Speaking of that, I got this. This is great. What do you think is going on here? LinkedIn is helpful. It's Crosilla. That's the best thing I've ever heard. You got it. I just turned the paycheck today, guys. Just so you know. It's not a joke. This isn't a joke. You're not supposed to have them. Crows and ravens are serious fucking pets,

and they can hurt you. It's not a joke. It's not a fucking joke. Okay. It's not a joke. So make sure you know these things have fucking beaks like a steak knife. Beaks like a steak knife. Oh, it's so cute. That is the exact noise I make when I bite our son on his stomach. Every night before his bath, I bite his stomach, and I nibble on his on his stomach, and I go. He laughs hysterically. He loves it. Anyways. Don't get a pet raven. Ravens, crows give great knobber. That's also true. That's the trade-off, is that Crosilla can hurt you, or they can also

give you a nice knobber. There's a video of his I watched on YouTube where he's like, these dog trainers, they got pictures of children hugging golden retrievers. Don't hug the dog. The dog doesn't like to be hugged. That's a human thing. That's a new thing that I've been hearing a lot about. There's a research that scientists did that dogs don't want to be hugged. No, no, of course not. Good job, Einstein. It's like he's here with us. Don't say a fucking thing. All right, we're done. I'm so mad at this all the time. I'm so fucking mad. What are we doing? What are you fired up about? Fuck off, you know? Jesus Christ.

What about when he talks about massaging the puppy? Yeah. Do you have that one? Of course I have that one. I like that one the best. That's what having a pet raven is like. Oh yeah. They just use serious videos, serious videos like massaging a puppy's asshole, talking about animal husbandry, and put a laugh track in the background like, oh, isn't that funny? I'm fucking dog assholes. Now this is my dog and, oh fuck, the shit out of you. Why am I, oh, because I love fucking dogs. I'm just going to take the dog. So funny. He's the best man. It's so weird that he says that stuff,

and then his videos are totally different, you know? I know, I know. It's like who's the real, who's the real Peter, you know? By the way, just a reminder that that the second bonus episode that came out on Patreon is hard fucking core. It really is. It's literally. There's milking German tit videos, and it's censored because, but yeah, yeah. Well, no, you can still have your hopes up because it's still hard fucking core, but it's like we had to, hard fucking off, you know, whatever. But you can audio wise, it's still super hard, really hard. Yeah, we went old school on it. Yeah, we did. What was it? Come on my face videos after that. Oh my God. Oh, come on my glasses. Yeah, because I started wearing glasses, and people were like, why don't you do one of those cum videos

where people come in glasses? Thanks, man. That's scary. Anyways, I think that's it, guys. Let's, let's wrap this up. Massage the dog's asshole. You guys, we love you. It's not funny. Today was a lot of fun. We have a fun closing song called wise bird so fat. It's endless. And this is by MC tight jeans. Oh, that's a good name. So anything else, jeans? Just a reminder, guys, if you're forcing those double pipe classics, you can't make it rain. We learned that today. It's not natural. It's not natural from top dog. He's got to let it happen. I've tried to tell you, but now hopefully you'll listen to the master. And it hasn't happened in a couple of years. So even the master hasn't had one in two years.

Can he can recall the last one? Yeah. Yeah. So don't force them. That was so amazing. That was an example. Makes this an all time classic episode for sure. All right. Thanks guys. See you next week. So, Tom scored our million friends. Tom and his wife Christina made a sort of a hashtag on wise bird so fat saying that I'm fatter than Tom, which is not accurate. I'm not fatter than Tom. I got the joke. He just hasn't no way. And it's been like three weeks. All I get are bird fat. All they want. That microwave is how you start your day. Tom and Christina say that something's got to change.

Okay. Okay. You're gonna try to find a way to say that Tom's a heavier set, but we know better. You bet. You're such a nice guy. But twice as wide. Why don't you decide to shrink your size? You're such a nice guy. But twice as wide. Why don't you decide to shrink your size? But the thing is that nobody am. But the thing is that nobody am.