Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 358-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Episode Date: August 24, 2016

You should drink your pee. Especially if you have a cold or a fever or a stomach ache or you're tired. Pee is better than medicine. It's your own medicine and it's free (and tastes good). Also, stop being stupid.  We tell stories about our old landlord, Jose. Plus a new game - Horrible or Hilarious? Will Tom like a psycho and someone's unfortunate circumstance or will he see it like a human? Plus an incredible impromptu call with Top Dog where we read him street jokes and he laughs, well, harder than we've ever laughed at anything. It's amazing. 

Yo, I had to add a quick tag at the top because this just happened moments before we released this episode. And that is, I don't know if some of you know this or not, but there's been a bunch of cancellations on the Oddball tour, so I'm no longer going to cities like West Palm Beach, Tampa, Atlanta, Indy, Fartford, Portland, Seattle, Red Rocks. They've all been canceled. Don't get mad at me. I didn't cancel them.

They canceled them. So anyways, scrambling to make up some dates, and I booked one today, September, I'm going to Des Moines, Iowa, Des Moines, Iowa, September 16th and 17th at the Funny Bone. It's only four shows, so get your tickets now. I'll have it added to my calendar on my site very quickly, but I've tweeted it out if you go to Funny Bone or Des Moines.FunnyBone.com. It's there. I also added one more, but I don't have confirmation yet, so I'll announce that one hopefully next

week. So I'm going to be in Des Moines, Iowa, September 16th and 17th. Again, apologies to all the Oddball fans in those cities that were canceled. Out of my hands, wish we were doing the shows. We're no longer doing them. We're still on for all the other cities as of now. So hopefully I'll see the Oddball fans in Chicago, Detroit, and TDOT in another week or so.

And I hope they don't cancel anymore. All right. Enjoy the show. And here we are. Welcome to another episode of your mom's house podcast. I am the main mommy and water champion Tom Cigaro. And here is your stepmother and dry mouth champion Christina Bajitzky. That is so rude.

First of all, I'm the spelling bee champion. I spell better than you. I'm better at being alone. And I'm the real water champ. Go ahead. Go ahead. Whatever. Whatever you're going to say.

Thank you, John Reed for this instrumental. It's called Barf Stifler is Fat by John Reed. Thanks. Thank you, John. It's good to be back on your mom's house. Check it out. I have. What do I have?

AIDS. I have AIDS. I'm on the Oddball tour. So it's very exciting to be a part of Oddball. It's a major comedy festival. If you don't know, we hit a bunch of cities. It starts. Oh, I got a fucking kidding me.

How many times has this happened to me? Every time, dad. So it starts this week. West Palm Beach, August 25th. Tampa, August 26th. Hot Lanna, the 27th. And then the tour goes on, man. Go to oddballfest.com.

We're hitting a lot of big cities, Chicago, Detroit, TDOT, Holmdale, New Jersey, oddballfest.com. A lot of big comics on it. Brian Regan's doing some dates. Gabriel Iglesias, John Mulaney, Jim Jeffries, John Oliver, Dane Cook. There's other guests, Bobby Lee, Bridget Everett, Sarah Tiana is doing a few. Donna, Kaldanigan, Pete Davidson, Tracy Morgan, Sebastian Swanson, Bart Chrysler. Who? Burnt Christ Hares.

Somebody told me that one. So a lot of people are on it. Oddballfest.com for your tickets, or go to tomcigura.com. After Oddball ends, after Oddball ends, I continue touring. I'm going to Charlotte, North Carolina, Man Frandisco, California, New York, Judoer Titties, the Ville, Louisville, Filler-Up Delphia, and my own run in West Palm Beach at the Harry Palm, Harry Ball Beach at the Improv, Tomcigura.com. Hit the shows page.

Jeans, I know you got some live dates coming up. I do, guys. Come see me, September 27th. I'm one night in Seattle at the To Come On Ya Comedy Club and Meet Raddle, and then September 28th in Dorakland, Oregon, at the Hyrium Comedy Club, October 4th in Phallus, Tejas, Hyena's Comedy Club, October 5th in Pustin, Texas at the Secret Group, and then October 23rd, Indianapolis, Indianapolis, Indiana, at Morty's Comedy Club, October 24th, Cincinnati, Ohio, home of the famous Cincinnati fart.

I'm so happy to make a pilgrimage. Back there, I'm sad it's not going to be on August 20th, but better late than never. That's why I planned it, at least to make a pilgrimage once a year. I go bananas, and then December 9th and 10th, Washington, D.C. Washington. The D.C. Improved. Yeah.

Tickets at ThousandRanch.com. Nice. Also, mommies, listen, listen, are you shopping on Mommazon? I know you are, because like us, you don't go to the store to buy silos of toilet paper, which is what we have delivered to the house instead, using the Amazon Subscribe and Save feature. So please use our banner, go to your mom's house podcast.com, click on the banner at the bottom of the homepage, do your shopping as you normally would.

It just kicks back some change through show. All right. Yeah. Thank you. Please do that. Also, if you go to yourmomshousepodcast.com, we have been giving away free ringtones. So go to yourmomshousepodcast.com and get yourself some free ringtones. Set it up as your text, set it up as your ring-a-ling-ling when people call you.

Do whatever you want. Put them in your asshole. They're free. Do whatever you want with them. Put the ringtones in your asshole. Sure you can. Do whatever you want. You can't put them in there.

Why can't you do that? What would they signify? What would they alert people to? Farts? Farts? I gotta go do something. Look, I drew a big afro on you. Oh, that's cool.

It kind of looks like Bob Ross. Yeah. I've been watching him on Netflix with the kid. Sweet. Happy Little Bush right now. Yeah. That's a good impression. That's good.

Happy Little Tree. Happy Little Squirrel. He feeds squirrels during the show. I love that guy. It's awesome. And also, there is obviously... Happy Little Tree. ...merch on the page.

Go to TomSquirrel.com. Go to the store. We've got the DPC shirts. The bird is fat shirts. And of course, the new Cincinnati fart poster. So make sure you scoop one up. That's it. Jeans, are you ready to start the show?

Oh, no. I'm getting so many text messages because I'm so popular. I don't know if I can. Oh, my God. Are you ready? He's texting me now. All right. Here we go.

Here we go. Hello, everybody. Ren Florence. Welcome to my channel. Well, today is all about gargling with urine. This shit is big time. Don't bring anyone loving to this. Bitch.

Come on, man. The fuck is that? Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura. Tom Segura. You're a dummy. And Christina Pajitzi. Christina Pajitzi.

Welcome to your mom's house. You know who does this? That's the fucking Instagram fag from Italy. Right? Gianluca. Yeah. So European. This is how my dad dances to the claps.

We were clapping super on beat, by the way. We knocked out of the park on that one. Yeah. Gianluca has such a. Dude. The fuck. That's the guy who, if you don't know, we played your dad dancing. Yeah.

Yeah. See if I can pull him up. This guy is on. This fucking guy. Gianluca. I don't even know what he does. I think he's like a fashion guy, right? I don't know.

Did he have suits or something? I don't know, man. So I was on Instagram and this girl, this nice lady goes, hey, you got to check out this guy's profile. Yeah. And I go there and lo and behold, it's the fucking Italian asshole. Yeah. He's got a whole narcissistic guy.

He's the fucking worst. He's an incredible shape. He's the best worst, you know? Oh man. That really hurt. So in love with himself. Yeah. Oh my God.

Look at this fucking guy. Yeah. Hey. My dick. Yeah. Italians are, are they just inherently queer? Like they, they always come across gay to me. The best dude.

It has 5.6 million. Of course it does. This is, he's in a tiny, tiny, this dude's an incredible shape. Incredible. He's about 50. He's almost 50. Yeah. He's got like all white hair and beard.

So that's why everybody's like, why is that guy 70 or 80? But he's only like 49. But it's teeth are whiter than anything. Yeah. Let's see. So he posted this video of him. Oh my fuck. So he's standing outside of a pool.

Right. And he's, he's in these tiny little red speedos. Yeah. And he's about to put on his goggles. And you're like, okay, I guess he's going to go for a little dive here. Okay. And then. Okay.

Okay. He starts loosening up. All right. Loosen the left and the right arm. So good. And then. Oh. It's a swimming dance.

Yeah. He's just dance swimming. Just dance swimming. Yeah. That's so European. So European. Yeah. And a lot of the clapping and what in the fuck.

Yeah. God, my dad and this guy are one. They are one. I know. I wish people really got to know your dad more. I know. I wish he was more open to sharing. Yeah.

But this guy, actually this guy, my dad would be like always gone the queer. Oh really? He's a little too flamboyant. Yeah. And my dad wouldn't dance like this. Plus Italians are roaches. Cockroaches of Europe. My dad says Italians.

Gypsies and Italians are the cockroaches. This dude too. Look at this funny guy. It's unbelievable. What does he do all day? It's him on the boat. It's just that. Him fucking around.

Somebody in the comments wrote, all this guy does is dance and fuck his daughter. Cause they're talking about this thing. His girlfriend, you know, she's a gorgeous 20 year old. And then look at this shit. Look at his beard. He's got like jewelry on his beard. He's one of these guys. He's got like a gem that he ties.

Look at this asshole on a private jet. He's playing like basically volleyball soccer on a jet. Shirtless. You know what this guy is? You know what he is? He's a professional douchebag. Yeah. That's all he is.

Yeah. He is. He knows how to do. He is in great shape though. Look at this. Look at these fucking pants. That looks like some Versace shit. Yeah.

Maybe I think he isn't he a designer or you think he just inherited this money? I don't know. I googled him and it said like he's a lifestyle guy. Like I don't know what that's supposed to be. Doesn't that mean a swinger? Basically. Okay. It says like.

Lifestyler. Gianluca. Jesus Christ. Has taken the world by storm since dancing his way onto the scene in a now viral video with his wife. Georgia Gabriel. Shut up. What do we know about him?

Well, aside from the fact that he's friends with Zac Efron, the handsome Italian tycoon heads up the manufacturing company S.E.A. But he's also a big fan of Instagram, which he uses to showcase everything from all his activities to pajamas. So here's everything you need to know. Well, it says that he's really good friends with Efron. That's really funny. They enjoyed shirtless horseback rides back in the day.

Okay. There's a video of him riding a moped underwater. Remember that? Yeah. He rode a moped from two thousand to thirteen. And there is a lot of posts of him and Zac Efron. Really? Yeah.

They got to go deeper on this guy. Yeah. I could only handle so much. I felt the vomit rising about a few scrolls down. Get your life. Get your entire life. I don't know. That is so funny.

He's diving off a yacht. Here's him and Zac again. How funny. All right. Love this guy. God damn it. Oh, no. That's going to go over and over.

He's a lifestyle guru. I don't know what that means. I don't know either. When you branded your lifestyle, you're onto something, right? I don't know. I guess it's like the way he presents himself. Yeah. And then his quote brand is this douchebag image.

But all he's doing is, like to me, when you say my lifestyle is like over the top luxury and decadence, it's not really like, it's not, I don't know if that's something to say. You're just saying, I have a ton of money. Yeah. It's just being a show off. Yeah. It's showy.

Can I tell you what really bothers me about people like this is like, okay, I get it. You're having fun every day, every day as a party. Yeah. And then he'll put a post of like, you haters can hate, but I'm loving my life. It's like, well, you're kind of baiting people because you're like nanny, nanny, nanny poo poo, look how great my life is. And then when people shit on you for being a douchebag, you're like, don't be a

hater. Yeah, yeah. You're baiting. You always have the defense of you're just hating. Right. Which of course we are if you're shitting on him, but you're baiting it because you're telling me. Yeah.

You know, I mean, there's something really tacky about showing how much money you have. It's totally tacky. It's, yeah. Yeah. I mean, you see it a lot. Floyd Mayweather does that. You know, he's low class.

Low class. He shows money. Actual money. That's the money I got, man. Like videos. Oh my God. It just stacks and stack. And he's like, I'm just counting money today.

Saturday. Okay. I mean, that's kind of boring, right? Yeah. This isn't boring. No. Is he for real? This dude is standing on a motor.

I don't know. Oh my God. Really? Wow. That's really crazy. So sorry. He's standing on a motorbike for those of you who are listening. He can dance.

We know that part. He's a great dancer. We know the dance part. Dancing again. Yeah. I still, I mean, I guess he runs that company that I don't know what that company is. Yeah. But it's kind of interesting that somebody is that well known.

He's got so many followers and you really don't know what he, really what he does. Yeah. I know. He's a little bit hot. You know who I like who did it cool was like Richard Branson. He would kind of be over the top, but in a cool way. Like there was a photograph of him. What's that called?

Water skiing with like a naked model strapped to him. That's eccentric, but interesting. Like, wow. That's really bizarre. Well, I think the other thing that's kind of annoying about this dude is that this stuff seems very calculated. Yeah. That's really.

Yeah. Maybe that's, it's like not very authentic. Yeah. He's just like, look at me. You want to see what? Very set up. Yeah. You know, this isn't a way for me dancing.

Dancing. Okay. Well, enough of him. Let's get back to this lady. Now I feel like this is the lady that did the coffee. Yes. This is the coffee animal lady. Her hair is a little longer.

Yeah. But she's, she's given us the new business here. Yeah, man. This is a really exciting stuff. Let's see. We, we haven't had her in a while. Let's see what she says here. This was the open room.

Hello everybody. Rand Florence. Welcome to my channel. Well, today is all about gargling with urine. Okay. All right. What's happening? This kind of shit.

What's, you know, I feel like I could see you going down this path. I know. Yeah. I could see you being like, you got to try it, babe. I am. I am one. A lot of people have really been asking, am I still practicing urine therapy? Urine therapy.

Well, actually no, I'm not. But I plan to start again. I plan to start again because I have a cold. Okay. Okay. She calls it urine therapy. That her whole, her, she needs hosting classes. Right.

The whole introduction to that. Like, have I been doing this? No. But will I? I plan to because I have a cold. Like what the fuck is wrong with you? It's so natural. Yeah.

She's also very sickly. She needs to drink a little more urine because. Yeah. Or a little more than urine, I think. Yeah. How come they, people that advocate all these wacky things, they always look like they're dying. Yeah.

Well, that's what I think. Yeah. It's not, it's not good. No, no. The coffee enemas and the pee drinking. I don't know why people have to sign up for, for doing, for drinking urine as if there's aren't, you know, there's a lot of other things you can do. You can detox.

You can do kind of fasts and you can do all kinds of shit. And you got to, to, to go like, you know, I'm going to drink my own piss. Like why you have to take it there? Well, I'll tell you this. I do know that urine therapy works for cancer patients. But that, but there's no medical evidence to show that. No. No medical.

It's not. But, but just to make it clear, people have, have done it. Who have cancer, the medical world does not support it as a treatment. I'm sure. Yeah. I know, but do you, you do feel like I'm one step away from that, right? Like 10 years. I'm going to be like, Tom, we have to do the urine colonic.

I'll be, it'll be something like, I'll have like a sinus infection. Yeah. And then you'll be like, you know, I don't have one. And I kind of really wish you would give it a try. It's really changed things for me. And I'll go like, babe, I don't want to drink. I don't want to drink any piss. And you'll be like, well, it's not as bad as you think.

I thought it was like that. Well, cause I'm into meditation. We know that in the new house, they plan on building a meditation of hut for me a year. But that's really where it stops. I drink my smoothies in the morning with kale and spinach and carrots. That's fine. But I feel like that's the boundary right now as of now. Yeah.

Okay. I have some new age crystals that were given to me. I don't buy them. Let's see where else this goes. But I could have some of your coffee. I've got so much water here. I usually don't have coffee, but may I borrow some of your dirty brown liquid to drink? God damn it.

Why is this not going over? Cause you're a dad. Cause I'm a dad. Urine has a munga in it and it has animal juice. It's toxic, right? Basically, whatever is going on in your body, it's in your urine concentrated. So your body does have antibodies that can fight off this illness. And if you take a little swig and gargle at it, sometimes it can help with the cough.

No, it can't. No, it can't. You're a liar. What if it, if, if what's on your peepee is the bad stuff, the ammonia and the toxins that your body has flushed out, then isn't it logical you shouldn't be reintroducing that back into your body? Maybe if you're a closed minded fucking 18th century person. Yeah.

But if you're welcome to the new way of doing things, loser, drink your piss already. Drink your piss. I've got to try this. I've got to try it on camera for the first time. Gargling with urine. Oh God, that made me fucking gag in my mouth. I don't know what her fucking problem is. And also, can we do a little different audio setup for her?

Well, look, as we all know with these YouTubers, audio quality is piss poor. The background, she's against a mirror and then a dirty room with like sheets on the floor. You heard all this background noise. We need a tutorial for these YouTubers to make decent videos. Sound quality, the music usually bad. Absolutely. Why didn't this go over when I click it? Why is it still here?

Double clicking it. You used to space bar it open, I think. Okay. Yeah. All right. There you go. So this is some urine. What I do is I sleep in a tent at night.

What? I'm not sleeping in a tent at night. So I urinate in a container. What I do is I sleep in a tent at night. And so there are mosquitoes here. So I urinate in a container like this overnight. So it's so many things. So much happening.

First, I don't know why she sleeps in the tent. Well, there's a bed behind her. I know. Is it because she has a cold? She's like, I'm going to take it outside. Well, all the sheets are ripped off. They're down here in a pile. What the fuck is wrong with her?

She's sleeping in her tent and not only is she outdoors in her tent, but throughout the night, this is overnight. It's not like I'm going to pee real quick to do this. This is what I pissed last night. I wouldn't even drink water that's been sitting out overnight because it's brackish. My eyes are watering. My eyes are tearing up.

Wait. I like when she goes, babe. She was, I peed in this tent. Even she can't believe it on some level. I've been peeing in my, from my tent. What I do is I sleep in a tent at night. So there are mosquitoes here. And so I urinate in a container like this.

She can't even point to it. Yeah. She's going to drink it. You have to let it separate. I've read about this though, the urine drinking. You have to let only if you take a normal sip, don't show boat and chug it. Cause this is my water supply for this entire. I got it.

This is my water supply for the entire show. And I'm going to market. Don't. All right. Jesus. Don't be a jerk. There's an ant in here. All right.

I'll drink the fucking ant. Please don't show boat and pretend. I'm not show boating. You are a big show boater. That's a sip. Oh, bullshit. That's a sip. For my Yorkie sips.

I'm a marathon drinker. You did drink the ant. Oh no, there it is. I pee in the tin. In the tin. What the fuck? Remember, do you ever go to Europe and they would have the pots next to the bed, the piss pots? My nana used to do it.

What? Even when she came to visit us in America would piss in like a, what's it called, a night pan. What? Yeah. What do you mean? She would piss in a fucking night. They're called night pans. Wait.

And you keep them by the bed. It's European styles. And you piss in the pan. And then I swear to God. Wait, why didn't she go to the bathroom? Because she's fucking old country. Because she's from Hungary. But you guys wouldn't tell her to go to the bathroom?

Of course we would. My father was like, what are you doing? This is totally fucked up. And she would just still, I like it this way. But she would also wear a wet bathing suit and sit in the kitchen and in the summertime. You never told me that disgusting story. Of course. I don't know if she did a number two in the night bucket, but she wouldn't piss in it.

But wouldn't it five feet from the toilet? Of course. We lived indoors with indoor plumbing. There was a turtlet right next to her, but she preferred to piss in the room. Did she sleep in a tent outside? She did actually. In the summertime we had a tent and she was sleeping in the backyard. My nana did prefer the tent.

Why? Because it's cooler outside in the summertime. Your nana is fucking crazy. She's dead. But my father was too cheap to run the air conditioning at night. So my nana would sleep in the backyard in a tent in Canoga Park. This is no air conditioning shit. I know.

This mentality. I know. Fuck man. We talked about this on the I believe the Patreon episode. My God. It's how running the AC is a sign of having money. I don't give off but $100 a month. Yeah.

One air conditioning. It's true. Now my dad, he had to swamp cooler. My dad would always do it. The whole place was damp. Like a degree this way. It's kind of warm. Is it?

And there would be like one degree down. He'd be like, dupe. And then someone would open it. Close the door. All right. Air coming out. All right. You don't pay this bill.

Oh yeah. Yeah. My parents the same way. Close the door. The air conditioning is on. Well, I mean, some of it's kind of league, bro. I know. Fucking relax.

But at night time, my dad would just make a sweat in the valley, dude. Yeah. Fucking hot as balls. Kind of like a park. Totally. And at the same time that the night stalker was going around climbing into kids rooms and stealing them and shit. So I was all scared of that.

Yeah. You should have been scared of that. Except our windows open. Fucking night stalker was out. Really? Hell yeah. My dad wasn't scared of that at all. My dad was so cheap.

He would rather me get stolen by the night stalker. Stolen. You've been killed. Right. Yeah. Then. That's right. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And he was like, well. Well, a big deal. $100. That's a hundred dollars. Yeah. It's okay.

No big deal. I'll find him. I'll kill him. There's hot nights, man. Hot as balls. And he would just run a fan? No. We didn't even have fans in this house.

What? You mean overhead? No. My father had like some kind of stand up bullshit like you sleep with. Yeah. But that was it. And we had to just like, sweat it out until he married my stepmom who was like, why don't you have air conditioning?

And then he got the swamp cooler and then the swamp cooler made everything damp. So you wake up in the morning and it was just damp. The carpet was all dark, like wet and cold. And then she was like, how about we get some real conditioning? Nope. She just settled on the swamp cooler. Oh, really? That was as far as she could push him because he was cheap.

And then eventually the next house or something. Right. The house he lives in now has AC. That was the first house that had AC for him? Yeah. When I went to college, he moved into that nice house. So that was like, so he was 50 when he got air conditioning. What the fuck?

Yeah. That's real crazy. That's fucking old school. Hungarian. Yeah. Kid me. There was a kid out of this. The only thing that I could take it further than that was in high school.

I went to this, a buddy of mine, we went to this other kid's place. The kid lived in Melbourne, which is in Florida, like a little north of where I was in school. And it was summers. You know, it's so humid in Florida, right? Oh, Florida. It's like a swamp. Man, it's like at night, it's full of 100% humidity. So you, you're just dying and we get in this kid's house and you know, it's like a Saturday

night. So we're just hanging out drinking and we're going to crash there while I walk in and I'm like, dude, it is fucking brutal in here. Why is it so hot? Well, he's half, he's half Vietnamese, mom's Vietnamese, dad's American. And he goes, my dad just likes it to be more like Vietnam. That's hilarious. What?

And he goes, he just, he loves Vietnam. He loves everything about it, the culture and everything. So he doesn't like to run any AC and I'm like, oh my God, I go, I just turned him out. I go, I think, I don't think I can crash here. And I mean, I was like, this is fucking, first and only time I've ever, anybody like, I went into trailer parks where you go in the trailer and they have 60 degree AC in there. And I go, dude, I don't think I can crash here. And he goes, well, we have, we do have a unit in the, like the guest, there's like a guest

house thing here. You could stay there. I go, yeah, that's where I'm staying. See you later. And I go in there and I, I, as a fan on, and I was just like, it's a ceiling fan and I, I pass out. And I just pass out and I wake up, the ceiling fan broke in the middle of the night pieces of it everywhere and the kid turned on the heat instead of the AC accidentally had the

heat cranked. What a dope. So it was 105 and broken pieces of a ceiling fan on me. Oh my God. That was dangerous too. I know. Yeah. Yeah.

My mother didn't run the AC and she would open the windows. She lived in an apartment complex and so you could hear everybody, like this drunk woman across and the, just open, open the window and I have to sweat it out on the sheets on top of the sheets. As kids too. So bad. So, so is it a thousand dollars? Yes.

This whole thing? Like, is that why we're not doing this? Okay. Yes. And do you realize when you and I got together and we lived on Carondale and you would run the AC all summer, I thought it was the most extravagant thing I had ever seen. Yeah. Remember?

Yeah. We had it run all day and all night and I was like, wait, what? Yeah. Tom, that's going to cost us a fortune and it didn't. It cost like a hundred dollars. Yeah. I was like, never turn it off. Just let it run always.

Right. And we did and like the Freon leaked and we had to get it replaced or whatever. But that's the only thing that sucks about living in like a poor, well, there's a lot of things that sucks. But one of the things that sucks about living in a shitty poor building is when the Freon ran out. Yeah. Right.

The air is running and there's warm air coming out. You're like, uh-oh. And we call that guy down and he's like, it's no, it's no cool air coming out. Yeah. That's why I fucking called you down. Yeah. He's like, oh man. Yeah.

That's why you're here. Yeah. And he's like, yeah, it's not going to be cool at all. Right. And he's like, so you need, you need Freon in there to make it cooler again. Right. Okay. And this is like Saturday, let's say.

In August. Yeah. He goes, uh, all right, well, okay, I have the guy come out Wednesday. I go, no, no, no, no, it's, uh, it's, you know, it's too long. We got it. We got to have him come out today, tomorrow. And he goes, no, he comes on Wednesdays. And that was it.

Right. He's like, that's when he comes. I go, can't you call another guy? Nah. This is the guy. And that was it. There was no negotiation. And we were, we were stuck there.

Like this. All right. Yeah. And it was downtown LA cooking. Just stinky. Yeah. That was a weird apartment. And then sometimes one time we, we went for a trip.

We came back. The shower was just running full blast hot. Yeah. It had been running for days, just hot, full blast water, like, I know I didn't leave this shit on. It turned out on itself. No. That's crazy.

I think the plumbing's wacky and it turned itself, or someone came in there to fix it and didn't left it running. Yeah. It was hot. Yeah. Coming through. Yeah. That was the other thing is when the sink was clogged up.

Yeah. No, it was the, it was the tub. So you're standing to take a shower and you know, and you're standing in like three inches. You're like, this is disgusting. Yeah. So after a while we call him. He was, yeah, it's all backed up and that's why the water's not going down.

No. He came over because the sink, it was the sink. No. I thought it was the tub. So, but maybe you weren't there that time. Cause he did. That's the first time I noticed that Jose wasn't, there's a couple of screws loose. Cause he kept saying like the elementary, like, you see what happened here is the clogged.

So the water champion. That's Obama. Yeah. Is the president here? No. He made this announcement. What? He was talking about Trump this week and he was like, somebody asked him and then he just

goes, you know, Christina is the new water champion. Yeah. I knew I loved Obama. Yeah. So. It's so weird. He, he didn't mention that he's, he made that for me. That's really nice.

Thank you president. He just said it in a press conference. Wow. God bless. Oh, whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Wait a minute.

Yeah. I don't know about that. You must have heard you say that. I did not say that. Yeah, you did. I repeated it cause it was part of the show. No, it wasn't. You just wanted to say that one day.

No. The preacher said that and I thought it was absurd. That wasn't the preacher. Uh huh. No, it was a half ounce. A half ounce. Yeah. Yeah.

God does not say that word. Okay. God does not drop n-bombs. Yeah. Yeah. God bless a nigga. That's it. Half ounce.

So dumb. Yeah. God blesses a nigga. Okay. I got it. Thank you. Stupid. I'm drawing big tits on you.

Yeah. I'm drawing big tits on you. To go with your half ounce. Yeah. I'm talking about you. God is real. God blesses a nigga. Oh my God.

I mean, it's right here. Babe, I said that like years ago and you're still punishing me for this one. Oh, here's, by the way, I couldn't fucking find this last week. God damn it. Ah. Warning. This. This.

My word. I hate him so much. John Sockers. Yeah. God damn it. Pretend that I'm licking your balls or your penis or your anus or something. Go ahead. Go ahead.

I love a vegan for China's. Okay. Okay. Anyways. Weirdo. Go back to what you were saying. So that's the first time I noticed Jose wasn't that bright because he kept explaining. He goes.

Drain is clogged. Yeah. And the water won't go down. Yeah. That's what he said about the tub. It's clogged up. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, dude.

Yeah. You might have to put a snake in there, pull everything out. So then the water will go down. Or like, thanks. Could you get on that? Yeah. Because I'm like, yeah. Yeah.

Because I'm standing in it. I'm always standing in it. He's like, yeah. It's because it's backed up. More draining. Got it. Yep. I know.

He's like that. It's not going to go down until I do this. So I know. Now he, he and his wife, Linda, sweet people. Linda was, she had, yeah, sweet. He's Spanish Copida. I love it. And she'd come over and I had just made Spanish Copida from Trader Joe.

Yeah. And she would eat half the tray. She would eat half the tray. She was a tiny woman. So I let her, oh my gosh, she needs to eat more than I do. And, but I went to their apartment one time on the first floor and it was an exact replica of ours at the layout, except they were clean. Super clean.

And they had trails, like liner trails, like plastic aisles, you know what I'm talking about? That's a real immigrant thing too, to have like a pathway of plastic. I bet Jose had a horse deck on him too. Yes. I bet he did. Yeah. I bet he did too.

Yes, sweetie. She'd call Mario. She's like, yeah, Mario. She did. Yeah. And I go, what's Mario? She goes, it's a pet name. For his cat.

Yeah. For his pet. He had a long Puerto Rican. He has a Puerto Rican guy and he had a long ponytail. Remember? Really long. Yeah. I remember one time he goes, hey Tom.

Can I borrow your soup bag? And I go, what? And he goes, your soup bag. And I go, what the fuck is that? It's a bag full of soup. And I go, oh yeah. And I was like, I'm not even going to tell him what that's called. Did you know?

What is that called? A garment bag. Oh, a garment bag. Yeah. But I mean soup bag. And I was like, what's a soup bag? Yeah. At first I thought he was saying soup bag.

Right. And I just, I was like, I don't think I have that man. I asked him like, he had to say it five times. Yeah. For a soup. I really like them though. I will say once, once Jose and Linda left. Yeah.

The building went down. Then these fucking dirtbag Russians brought it. Fucking horrible. The scumbag Ruskies came and then the building went down. And that's when we left. The best part about this, some people will know if you live in cities and you've moved from a shitty neighborhood to just a better one. Yeah.

The first, like phone call you get that you don't expect is for car insurance. Your car insurance goes way down. Way down. We moved to a good neighborhood from a bad neighborhood. Right. And I had thought about it. I got, I was talking to our insurance one day after we moved. Yeah.

And they're like, oh yeah. Your payment is now half. And you're getting a refund because I didn't tell them we had moved. You're going to get like a $600. I was like, what? Wow. Why? And they're like, well, you moved from like a horrible neighborhood where a car jacking

takes place all the time to a decent neighborhood. I was like, oh, this is great. Well, just kind of screw it up. Of course. Right. Because if you're poor. The more poor you are. And then you're not going to get the insurance.

Yeah, that sucks. Where Carter, you know? Oh my God. She's going to drink it and throw up. And you know, some people say this is gross. This is nasty. But you know, what is gross is pharmaceutical medications. What is gross is antibiotic resistance.

What is gross is having to go to a hospital and be hooked up to an IV. Why is that gross? Sounds pretty sanitary. Yeah. She's got mental problems. Sure. Sure. Real mental problems.

Wait a minute. Are you saying that some of these YouTubers have mental problems? Yeah. Yeah. And I got to show you this serial killer interview because he's got real mental problems. He killed so many people. Here comes the funny part of the show. I'm going to throw up.

She's drinking it. Oh my fuck. Oh my God. I think I threw up a little bit. I think I threw up a little bit. It kind of tastes a little bit like beer. No, it doesn't, Boo Boo. She almost vomited.

Oh my God. Those nasty pharmaceutical companies with their penicillin. It doesn't really taste bad. It doesn't really taste good. It kind of has just like a mellow flavor. Oh God. It's so upsetting. I don't see how it does for my cough.

Yeah. I might do it a couple more times. Please don't. But I saw this video out there so that if you're struggling with a cough, if you're struggling with allergies, you know. Oh fuck. Okay. All right.

I don't even want to see anymore. There's this stuff called Robotessin too. You can just go to the right aid and pick that up. It doesn't taste like urine. Tastes like cherry. It's good. Do you see her almost vomit too? Yeah.

She was like. It wasn't good. Listen man, I had to make this video because too many niggas is talking against the beauty of eating ass with all these dumbass arguments about like your shit in there or this and that, man. I think if you could eat pussy, you could eat ass. Eating ass is right around the corner. Like booty hole right around the corner for me.

So like you could go one place. Go to the next door neighbor. It's not that hard. It's a good point actually. This is more for you. I think that you're right down there. Wait, me? For you?

Yeah. Babe, no. It's the same argument. Different parts, but it's the same argument. Babe, he's talking about eating pussy. He's not talking about sucking dicks. But I'm saying you could interchange that. Absolutely not.

Why? Absolutely not. Why? My anatomy is significantly different than yours. I don't know if you know that. But I'm saying it's the same thing as the distance. Your dick. It's right around the corner.

No. Your dick is far, far, far from your butthole. No, it's not. The balls separate the dick from the butthole for a reason. Because my mouth wasn't supposed to go there thinking. No, that's a horrible argument. Come on, man. The balls are the buffer so that I don't lick your butthole.

My personally think this biology and the anatomy of God was clearly meant for us to eat ass. That's why ass is fat. You got the cushion. You got the cushion. So when you put your head in there, you'd be safe. No harm would come your way while you eat. And that's because you'd be safe in the cheeks for me. Doesn't he seem like a nice guy?

Like a sweet guy. We also got this email today, by the way, as I'm typing this. We got this today. I'm a huge, newfound fan of yours. I heard Christina Snort when she giggled and burped and thought to myself, this is the type of woman I want to be listening to. Wow, thank you. She's just so real.

Then your mom's house, she mentioned your mom's house. I've been hooked to both. That's D-Bro ever since. Oh, good. Yeah, listen to that, D-Bro guys. Shit. Thank you. So anyways, lots of, she said that I'm coming to see it to come on your comedy club next

month. My boyfriend surprised me with tickets on my Smurf day. Can you say he got some gray fruit and ass eating action for that? Anyways, fantastic show. Oh, and Tom, I always heard how enjoyable ass eating is for you guys. I offered it to my boyfriend many times and he keeps saying no. How do I convince him to say yes, Jessica? Jessica.

I, first of all, you and I were on the same page as until that last. Well, yeah. I'm not sure about you anymore. I don't know. Maybe a little wife swap because, I mean, how could this son of a bitch turn that down? What is wrong with him? What is wrong with you? What's wrong with you?

What's wrong with all this ass stuff you want lately? What's going on? What? I just want you or like six guys. What? I don't know, man. I don't know. Can we just start with a finger?

It's going on here. Yeah. Let's do that. Can you do that? But you need to be patient with me. I feel like you always rush me and scare me. You don't let me take my time with stuff. It's a deal.

It's a deal. You got to let me get, because it's awfully hot around there. Okay. I'm scared. It's hot. First of all. It's smelly. I'm totally on board.

What's your colonoscopy? October now. October. Do you want the date? I do, because I want everyone listening to hold you to this one, because now that we've rescheduled it so that you, the reason we rescheduled you, just so everybody knows he's not a chicken, because I had some listeners come up to me at the comedy store and go, oh, buns isn't going to get a colonoscopy.

He's a chicken. He's not airy. Schaefer texted you. Yeah, I did. You know, chicken. It's not because of that. It's because Tom had some tour thing scheduled and it would kind of fuck up the colonoscopy, because you need time to do that.

Yes. It's October 27th at 9.30 a.m. Okay. That's close to when we moved to Gene's. Oh boy. But you're going to, you have to take that drink the night before. So 5 p.m. on, you're going to be shitting your brains out the night before. We postponed it because it was going to interfere with the live podcast we just did.

It would be today that you would have had that colonoscopy. Right. Right. Yeah. We would not be, but not only just this one, but it would have screwed up probably last night's as well. Yeah. So October 27th, guys, everybody lock buns in to this one.

There's no getting out. Hold me to it. Now let's, let's help this lady out. How does she convince? Don't ask me. I don't fucking know. Well, here's how what I would do. I would actually use some of what Christina just said, baby steps, baby steps.

If he's resistant, maybe you kind of ease back there, some taint play, get some, you know, kind of creep on, creep, creep, little bit, little bit at a time, then maybe some, you know, just a little finger licked and kind of edge around the outside. And then all of a sudden he's like, oh, he's into it. And then you hock a looking in there and then, you know, he's, he's so turned on by that. You just bury your face in there. You go crazy.

I disagree. Okay. I think that's, this is the right way to do it. Okay. Tell me, tell me. You put him in on all fours. First of all, you put some alcohol in it. Yeah.

Get him fucked up. You guys both have to be fucked up, ripped. A little buzz. No, I'm not right. Just buzzed. Have a little wine, have some candlelight so that he's not embarrassed by what it looks like because I'm sure his asshole is not as pretty as Tom. Right, right, right.

Put him in the dog. Yeah. And just shove your face in there. But that's not how you do that. Put him on his, on his belly and be like, I want to give you a massage. Yeah. And then put him, put his knees up and then I guess do it that way. Give him a rusty trombone.

I think, I think you have to like slowly get into it, pretend it's a massage, a back rub and then, then just shove your face in there. I guess. True. True. See, that's what you kind of do with me. You've always done the surprise attack. Yeah.

You sneak attack me constantly. I'm not comfortable doing that. Yeah. And then you'll be like, boo. Yeah. And that's how you've tricked me into many a thing that I wasn't ready for. So this is what you're not going to address it and you're just going to act like I didn't say any of that.

I forgot about the sneak attack. You said I sneak attack you. You've sneak attacked me every time I'm like, I'm not comfortable doing that. Yeah. Then you just force it on me. Anyways. That's rude. It's true.

That's not true. It's true. You sneak attack it and then I'm like, whoa, what? Yeah. And then afterwards you're like, that was pretty cool. Yeah. You're never like, I don't want to go away. That's the thing is you can always read me and you kind of know how far to push my boundaries

a little bit. Yeah. You had to push the guy's boundary a little bit. Yeah. That's why that's what I was telling her. He's on back there. Yeah. He's on back.

He's on back. Maybe jiggle the twins for a minute and then kind of creep back. J.O. Twins and with your thumb, like that, maybe, oh, that's reverse grip. Oh, that's interesting. Cause she's checking the oil. Yeah. But see, I think that could end everything.

Yeah. But that's when she shoves her face in there quick before he has a chance. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. You're kind of playing the high risk reward game right there. That's all I know. Yeah.

I know. So let me show you the serial killer. I know. So this guy, um, Arthur Shawcross was. I've heard of him. Yeah. Well, you and I have watched a program about him. Is this a funny, funny thing where his mom molests him?

Yeah. But I didn't say that was funny. He brought us up at the live show yesterday and the audience didn't seem to think that part was funny. Check him out. Yeah. I remember this asshole. Yeah.

Yeah. He's a real fucking POS this guy. Oh yeah, man. This is on Netflix now. No. I don't know. Just do. It links a lot.

Yeah. It's a tick. It's called guilt. Yeah. More or less after they just relax. The body relax. It doesn't fight no more. That's how he knows they're dead.

It only takes about four minutes. Probably. I'm not interested. Look at these eyes. No thanks. Don't need it in my life. Sometimes less than that. Yeah.

Anyways. Sorry. Why did you show that to the audience and to me just now? Well, there was something. What part of our comedy show was that appropriately suited for? What were we talking about? And I brought it up. I brought it up.

It's just you wanted to bring it up. You forced that on me. You got it queued up. Yeah. Yeah. He did, right? Yeah. Oh for fuck's sake.

He was actually talking to the killer. Man. Man. Yeah. Yeah. You want to get to that? We subsequently found out that he did hang out at Dunkin' Donk. Yeah.

Oh boy. You want to do the... No, no, no. I'm good. I got it. Like a bunch of playing cards? Here we go. He took the stack and like...

So this is after they caught him. And then we're able to verify was... So they kind of put him under a hypnosis. The shrink did after he was caught. Mm-hmm. And then she starts, you know, getting into all his history. It's the fact that he was horribly mistreated sexually as a child. What part is funny for the...

In the course of the interviews, he relived some of that experience, which was out of his conscious awareness. Dr. Lewis let sure cross a series of interviews, but some conducted under a form of hypnosis. What are you doing, Art? What's happening? What are you doing, Art? Art, why are you holding your penis?

Art, what's happening? Mom. Mom. Great. Can I not see this ever? I don't want this. Okay. Okay, look.

We got to move on. I'm going to throw up. I hate this kind of shit. I got a son. So one listener wrote in saying that they agreed with you that the last episode we watched where a man got his legs crushed violently. Oh, like just the thought of it makes you happy. One person wrote in saying that they agree with you.

Actually, I won't exaggerate. Exactly three people emailed the show saying that you were right, that that was funny. And then they submitted some horribly violent videos that we can watch and judge for ourselves. Is it funny or just horrible? Yeah. Well, hold on a second.

It's at the bottom of the cheat sheet. No, I know. I know where it is. I wanted to first say that you're not telling the truth. Of the emails that came in. Hold on. I'm talking about that. I posted this on what's it called on Facebook.

I posted the video of the guy getting crushed by the car. I asked everybody to watch it on the page and I said check him out. Here's what I want to know. Do you laugh at this a lot a little or not at all? The post reached 50,000. There's hundreds of comments. All of them being like your mentally ill. No.

Here's the first comment. As an Asian, I must say, this is the most Asian shit I've ever seen. From the bad driving to the yell to the cold gaze of the man staring at the victim. Brian Yang posted that. The most Asian shit I've seen. That's funny. It's this weird Asian mentality. If you get hurt somehow, it's your own fault.

I bet everyone in the shop was like, why the hell was he standing back there anyway? Right underneath that, a woman, Sheena writes, as another Asian, I second this. So it's an Asian thing. That's what they said. So let's see. I laughed a lot. That's the next comment from Russell. Mostly at the disinterested asshole glancing down at the dude's fucked up legs.

See, that's a thing. That's different than the guy's pain. Are you laughing at the sound of the man's pain? Well, there's a lot that I'm laughing at. I mean, his expression, the sound of his pain. There's like a way you can attach yourself from the real pain to find it funny. See, maybe that's my problem is I have what's called empathy. And so when I see other humans being hurt or animals, I don't feel like it's funny.

I don't find it's ever for animals to get hurt. And I don't like if you told me like someone's, you know, like a really, I don't know. Like one time this guy told me this bathtub got dropped on his neck and it shattered it. I laughed so hard in his face. I laughed in his face. I couldn't even control myself. And he was like, I know you love this. He used to come to work and be like, I'll tell you that he was going to be like, Tom,

I know you'll love this. And by this time I was working at a site and this ladder fell and broke my leg. And then I would just laugh and laugh. So I don't, did you like the three stooges a lot? Dan Hughes wrote, it's definitely funny. Oh my God. Ben, I laughed almost as much as I did from the lady falling off the grape stomping back. That was different.

That was funny. But he said he's, I'm saying he's saying that he left because her owl was like, it was a funny sound. Yeah. And the guy said I was a little Daniel says I laughed a lot. The sound he's making sounds like he's mocking someone in pain. Couldn't help it. Tyler wrote, I'm still trying to find my balls because I laughed them off vigorously watching this. Chelsea writes a lot.

I showed a few friends who laugh, but didn't find it as funny as I did. Oh, that's interesting. Well, Brian writes, it would be funnier in person. Jose, I couldn't stop laughing. Look, all these people are just trying to suck up to you. I don't think so. I don't really think that. No, because a few people told me this isn't funny.

Okay. Can we watch the video again, please? And then I'd like to see the other videos that were presented to us so we can watch for ourselves and see if it's funny or just sad. Okay. Okay. Okay. One little taste of Alaska.

Oh my God. I'd love the taste of Alaska. I hate when there's one. What commercial is that for? I don't want to give them a plug. So upsetting. I know. Let's see here.

You have to wait for the fucking ad to stop. All right. So here we go. This is the one that started it all. All right. So the guy's backing into a garage. Is he backing into it or pulling into it? Forward.

I guess he's pulling forward into it, right? You'd have a dash cam in the front of your car. He looks like a dashboard. He's in a lot of pain right now. He's suffering. I think it's really funny. I don't. It's pretty violent, babe.

And he's suffering and that guy's not helping at all. That's the guy that did it. This guy's just like, why are you making so much noise? Yeah. And then hold on. Here's the best part. This guy, like whatever, whatever, right? Didn't give a shit the way he looked down.

No. Not two fucks for that man's life. Coming back. He's texting somebody. All right. He's coming back. He looks at the car. Is that car okay?

Is that fucked up right there on the car? That man still hasn't stood up yet, Jeans. He's writhing in pain and you're laughing. Okay. And then he just walks over him. This is terrible. This is the saddest thing I've ever seen in my life. This is terrible.

Yeah. No, it's not good. It's not good. It's not good. God damn, man. It's really bad, man. You don't want to watch any more of that serial killer interview? Nope.

Okay. God. What's wrong with you? It's kind of interesting. I'm not into it right now, man. You know, the older I get, the more sensitive I am to shit like this. Okay. So here is what was sent in.

This is in our show file. I haven't seen any of it yet. It's called Funny or Horrific. Okay. So we're supposed to watch these and decide. Okay. And you're allowed to laugh if you think it's funny. And I will.

Okay. And I will. Trust me, there's lots of it. This is tannerite. It makes explosive targets. You mix it together and then use a high-powered bullet to explode it. Oh, it's normally safe if used correctly. It wasn't this time.

This is what's left of a broken-down riding lawn mower. 23-year-old David Presley packed with three pounds of tannerite, then shot it with a rifle. It went terribly bad from there. A flying piece of the lawn mower severed Preston's leg. Be careful. It's very dangerous. It's not a toy.

See, but you know why that's funny? Much more than a firecracker. Wait, but you know why that's funny? Dude is calling the kettle black now. You know why that's funny? Why? He's a fucking idiot redneck and he got himself into that by tannerite or whatever. See, I didn't find it funny.

Tannerite. Why is his asshole shooting up something that's highly explosive? You really genuinely laughed. Well, because he's a fucking hillbilly. He's an idiot. He deserved that. He severed his leg. Well, he's a dumb-dumb.

Why are you shooting a highly explosive? I can't, but what happened to empathy? No, that was self-inflicted, dumb. That was his own fault. I cannot believe you're laughing at that. Well, he's a dope. Wow, you're so mean about it, too. The woman's like, it's highly explosive tannerite, so why would you do that?

It's too close. He's shooting too close. Why do you have to shoot anything in the fucking backyard? You know what I mean? God. I did not... Tannerite, then shot it with a rifle. Why would you do this?

It went terribly bad from there. Why is his dope? A flying piece of the lawnmower. Oh, move his leg off. Severed, pressed his leg. Oh, hey. Oh, move his leg. Blue man's laughing.

Very dangerous. It's not a toy. Yeah, he's a dope. It's not a toy. A blue mollego. A black rocker. A blue mollego. All right.

Dumb dumb. I'm not with you guys on that one. Are you serious? No, I don't think it's funny. You empathize? I don't think it's funny. You empathize with the tannerite shooting retard. Yes.

Who shoots his own shit off. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. That was dumb. Okay. I think you're dumb. Okay.

Holy shit. Wait. Holy shit. It's a little bit smaller than me. I can... There are three people who can walk. They can stick to each other. First, that's one of them.

Okay? Can you move it? Not going. Yeah, we did a good job. Yeah, sorry. Yeah. So, that people that don't know, yeah, we did a horrible job of saying this guy, did he jump in?

It looks like he... Yeah, they're sitting on the wall and they're just running around. Yeah. They're sitting on the wall of a... This is kind of a bullshit level bullfighting... Yeah, it's not professional. Rink, yeah. I mean, like, it's...

You know, it's small town stuff, right? Yeah. This is small town. This dude jumps in and he starts running and the bull... It's a small bull. Charges him. Yeah. And clocks him under the chin and knocks this dude out cold.

I mean, really knocks him out cold. It looks like in football, a full speed, like the punter was going to fair catch from the ball and somebody just lays him the fuck out. God. So, how funny is that for you? I don't know. I don't know how. That's more like, oh my God, that just kind of does that to me.

So, that doesn't tickle your taint? No. Now, I still am totally disturbed that you thought it was funny that guy's leg was severed. Just the way he went, eh, my leg! Like, well, what did you think was going to happen, Ding Dong? You shot a highly explosive thing with a rifle at pretty close range. If you look, he's not far enough. I can see his target, so he should have kind of...

Look, when people shoot explosive things in their own backyard, you're like, what are you doing, bro? Like, it's not a smart setup. I know. I know. You know. Getting attacked by an animal's different story, getting accidentally crushed by a car is a different story.

That's a funny, much funnier story. Right. It's a funnier premise than the bull. Big ass bonfire. Take one. Now, kids, don't try this at home. That's a big bonfire. Unless it's Donnie's home.

A lot of people. Yeah, there you guys. Five guns. White people are the dumbest. That dude is standing on a mountain of stuff. Yeah. They're going to light this wood. Three.

Two. Okay. They're going to light this thing. One. Two. One. Oh. Oh.

You okay? Uh-uh. You okay? Holy fuck, man. That kid's on fire. You alright? You don't even see what... Fuck.

I mean, that turned into a bomb. You're not laughing. Why aren't you laughing at this funny, funny video? These aren't as funny as the ones I... The accidental leg crushing? That was funny. It's not that his leg got crushed. It was how the guy reacted to it that was funny.

The indifferent. Ah. Oh. Ah. That part. And then on top of that, a guy comes back. It doesn't care. Then comes back a second time and checks out the bumper.

Yeah. A text message to someone. Yeah. That was way fun here. He's like, ah, I'm going to be late for... This guy, he lit that from... How would you be that dumb to light that that close? That's what I'm saying.

White hail billies, babe. Yeah. Not bright. Yeah. No, they're not smart. No. This should tell all of you guys that if you ever... If you ever, you know...

No, it's just because I moved this here. For a second. If you ever decide to do a bonfire or set off, you know, a bomb of some type, get really far away from it, you know? Yeah. Don't... Or just don't. I mean...

Just don't do it or get really far away. Yeah. This one's so careless. This one's just like a pile of wood. It was a pile of all kinds of bullshit. Yeah. They poured five gallons of gasoline on it and then he lit it from 16 inches away. Yeah.

Yeah. Jesus Christ. It's pretty bad. Yeah, that's really bad. Well, that didn't do it for me. That one, I thought for sure that would make you giggle. Mm-hmm. One, two...

Oh, man. You all right, dude? You okay? You okay? Yeah. Holy fuck, man. That's a bonfire. You all right?

Holy fuck. Holy fuck. Here. A bunch of retard. All right. All right. Yeah, I did a... Oh, geez.

When I was in middle school, I went to... It was Lake Michigan. There was like a part you could go to the lake by our house and it was pretty isolated and I put together, made a little bonfire and I took spray paint cans and I put them in the fire. But then I backed... I mean, I ran back up this hill. Yeah.

And after I got to a certain temperature, they exploded. Yeah. And the color of that spray paint would go up in the air. Oh, how neat. Yeah. But I got really far away from it and... Yeah, you got to. It was fine.

Look, that's number one. If you're going to do Tom Fulery like this... Yeah. Get the fuck away, dude. Yeah. Don't stick around. Did you know that my dad blew up a bridge when he was a teenager? Yeah, you told me that.

Yeah. That in Louisville? A small one, yeah. Damn. Yeah. Like one of those, not a bridge, like a major commuting bridge. Yeah. It was one of these wooden...

I thought you meant like when he was in Da Nang or something. No, no, no. He did that later. He was like 13. He went and there was, you know, like a little wooden... For a little... A small crossing, a pond kind of thing, you know? Yeah.

And he put a stick of dynamite in there. Damn. And blew it up. And then this is how old school that shit was. I forget. I think the sheriff found out, came to the house and talked to his dad. And he was like, well, I'll give him a talking. I'll talk to him.

That was it? Yeah. And they were like, you can't do that. Don't you go blowing up bridge no more? Yeah. He was like, I'm sorry. Because like now if he did that, what happens, you get sent to jail or... Oh my God.

Whatever you're 13, what happens, you get arrested? First of all, I forget the story of how he got his hands on dynamite, but that itself would be the story. Like how'd you get dynamite? Right. Well, they sold it on the side of the road back then. Yeah. Yeah.

Really crazy, man. Really crazy. It's weird how he did kind of grow up and then blew up a bunch of bridges in Vietnam. Like he found his life's calling early in life. It's neat when you do that. It is neat. How many people do you think your dad's killed? Seriously?

Seriously. I really don't know. I really don't know. I think if I had to guess, probably less than a hundred. Less than a hundred? I think so. Should we ask him one time? Yeah.

I think he'll tell you now. I think that's what he would do to kind of roll his eyes. No. No. Hundred dad. Seriously. Seriously. Seriously.

Seriously. Yeah. I don't know. So I know you don't want to watch the interview even though it's really cool with that guy. No, please. No, I'm not going to play it, but this is also from prison, but I think you'll like it much more. Okay.

You'll like this more. All right. All right. Give me a minute. Get him out of here. I want him back. They call me Ducktape. Okay.

All right, Ducktape. Ducktape your ass today. Yeah. Uh-huh. I think he's Ducktape playing. Ducktape playing. Back up. Back up.

Ducktape. They call me Ducktape. It's a bad nickname. That is a bad nickname. It's like a snake. It's like a snake. He Ducktape. He Ducktape.

He mine. Ducktape. You see this? Ducktape. See what sounds over there? They're saving. See the toilet right there? He was in the bathroom.

Why are you eating? Same time. You want to live his life? No. Ducktape. Ducktape. That's his tick. His tick is saying that over and over.

That's terrifying. What do you think? It scared my ass out of going to prison. Ducktape. Ducktape. Ducktape. Ducktape. Ducktape.

Ducktape. It's a neat nickname. It is a neat nickname. Nicknarknack. It's a neat knackknack. Yeah. How do you think you have a nickname, Ducktape? We call him Ducktape.

I think it's pretty safe to guess there was a crime involved. I think. Yeah. Right. Right. You mean an old Ducktape over there? Right. Yeah.

I don't think it's from class projects. Like a childhood thing. He was really into construction work as a kid. He just liked to play with Ducktape, so we call him Ducktape. Yeah. It's a bad nickname. They call him a Ducktape. Yeah.

Yeah. Fucking white people in this episode, huh? Damn. White people. What people? What white person? That's not a white guy. Is Ducktape white?

No. Oh, I thought he sounded like a white hillbilly this one. But couldn't you see him with your eyes? It was black and white. You can tell it was black and white. It was gray, the footage. I don't fucking know. Okay.

Shit, man. Where's the date? Just sounded hillbilly. All right, man. All right. All right. Ducktape. White people.

Wake up, white people. Wake up, white people. All right. There's a lot to get to. What do you want to hear? What do you got? What do you got? What do you got?

There's... What is this Girl Scouts thing? Oh, that's the lady in the plastic bikini thing. It was around the campfire. Oh, yeah. I can't tell. Sometimes I can't tell when the things that they submit are real or acted, you know? Yeah.

Have you seen this? Do you know if this is real or... Let me see. I don't have one of them little girl scouts knocking on your door. Did she come to your trailer? Yeah. Early. Yeah.

Yeah. It was like noon or some shit. One of them knocked on my door and she was trying to like sell me some Girl Scout cookies and I said, well, which one of them's got the, you know, the wacky weeds in it? She's like, what? I think she's doing a bit. Yeah. Like she's doing a character.

Yeah. You know? From the outfit to the way she was like... Yeah. The guy, the lady goes, oh, she came over early and she was, yeah, it was like noon. It felt like a deliberate... Yeah, it's a joke-y joke. Yeah, it's a joke, yeah.

All right. I think, right? Yeah, it's hard to tell on this one. She has a bunch... Oh, there's our dogs letting us know it's dinner time. Someone's at the door. Yeah. It is dinner time.

They know when it's dinner time. They do know. Yeah. I was sitting in here recording this deep row and both of them just looked at me like, are you ready? Are you gonna feed me, bitch? Yeah. Like, how do you fuckers know it's 5.30?

Dogs can't tell time. They know, man. They know what time it is. I know. They know, dude. He's also... They do that and then they come over and they... They're treating so much.

I gotta mark it. They thank you as well. You know, they're always... They do. After we feed them, they like your hand. Like, look how much water I've been drinking. Do you look at the lines? Yeah.

Why are you making lines? Because I'm letting you know this is from the last sip to this sip. These aren't Yorkie sips. These are really big sips. Wow. Okay? Yeah. Marking it.

Looks small. This Yorkie drinks a lot. Yorkies drink a lot. Small dogs drink a lot. Bitsy drinks more than thief, you'll notice. I did notice that. She's always... She's always licking her little thing on the crate.

The marble. Yeah. You can hear it. The hamster thing. This is pretty great. They couldn't drive the bus, the city bus, because she stood and sat in the area that you put a bike in the front. The afternoon commute came to a screeching halt for some CTA bus riders on the south

side when a woman did this. I'm a bike. I'm a bike. I'm a bike. I'm a bike. I'm a bike. I'm a bike. I'm a bike.

I'm a bike. I'm a bike. I'm a bike. I'm a bike. I'm a bike. I'm a bike. Sure. Whatever you want, man.

Really fantastic. Is your world playboy? I'm a bike. That's why you can't let that not go. Do you? Yeah. Do it. Yeah.

Duck tape. Duck tape. They call me duck tape. They call me duck tape. Yeah. So crazy. That's a good one. It really is.

Duck tape, your ass today. Yeah. Duck tape. say duck tape. Duck tape. Duck tape. Good one. It really is.

DC. Duck tape, your ass today. Duck tape. Duck tape. Duck tape. Duck tape. I'm a bike. I'm a bike is my new favorite.

That's a good one, too. I'm a bike. Overbite. I like that the person. That's so crazy. Had to say, whoa, is that yours, that's yours, man. Come on, man. Can we?

Come on. It's you. You are this closer. No, it's not. You're just holding it under there, man. It's you. Why can't you put it down? Because I'm reading the topics that I wrote down for this episode, and I feel like we're

not doing the cool stuff. All right, go ahead. No, you continue. What did you want to do next? You said you want to bring up your topic. I wanted to read the Momma's on reviews for can we take a joke because they're funny. All right, go ahead. You got to pull it up.

If I put my phone up here, it's going to affect the recording, and you're going to yell at me so I can't. You have to do it. Right. Can we take a joke reviews? And Amazon. Okay. Are they in here?

No. You have to just Google Amazon. Can we take a joke? And it's there on the reviews. All right. God. You're the worst. How was your facial today?

It was great. The first time, the second facial you've had in your life. Yeah. And you went to the Russians. Second in 15 years. Yeah. And what did she say to you? I said, well, we saw like there was big white heads and black heads yesterday, and I was

like, oh, man, this is bad. And he said, you got a call. So I called. I went in there, I laid down, and she was, uh-huh, I see, I see, I see. And I go, is it bad? And she goes, there's room for improvement. And then she butchered you, right? She massacred your face.

It hurts, man. Yeah. But it's good. It's like a good kind of pain, huh? Because you know that you're going to look awesome. So you go to Cammy, take a joke. Okay, I'm here. And then you read the reviews.

Yeah. Just, is there one you want me to read in particular? No. Just see it. They're funny. Okay. A great doc highlighting the absurdity of censoring on stand-up comedy. Shout out to the excellent narration done by the main mommy, Christina Pajeski doing

her thing. She keeps the mood high and tight. You know what I mean? Lots of great content. Interesting points of view. Only one missing is Top Dog from all the legends in the game, Godfrey, Norton, Pendulet. Some of the crazy unbelievable outrage from seemingly harmless attempts at comedy makes the viewers say, whoa, hey Hitler, it's so convenient to be able to stream the doc now

through Amazon because I wanted to re-watch a few scenes that made me tighten up my, how you say, rectum. If you are on the fence, do not hesitate. It's a great doc. The only thing it left me thinking was, why is Bert so fat? That's great. See on the one hand, I'm sure the producers of Can We Take a Joker stoke that people are watching it and reviewing it.

On the other hand, they're all crazy reviews. Yeah. This is another review. It's all our fans. From Red Miss 89. Sky punches for the wind. What an amazed documentary. My jeans are now higher and tight.

You know what I'm saying? The film dives into the Pacific struggles of comedians having to apologize for jokes. The insights from the all star cast will give you a better understanding of what a joke actually is. Some say friends are the worst, but after watching this, you will realize that political correctness is just as bad as why burnt Chrysler is so fat. There you go. Yeah.

Yeah. That was funny. That was great. Yeah. Very funny. I just thought I would acknowledge the listeners. You're right. Mommy's rejoice.

There's a lot. Like I said, I don't think the producers of the film have not reached out to thank me for all the reviews. Yeah. But still, very funny. But it's still funny that this is now immortalized on this movie. I think it's fun. We could try if you want to call Top Dog real quick.

I'd love to. Yeah. You want to try that? Absolutely. Yeah. Let's see if I can make that happen. Okay. Here we go.

I never remember that house number, but I'll give it a shot. Two. Okay. Here we go. Let's see if he'll answer. Yeah. It's not too late. They're so bad about answering the phone.

It's nine o'clock his time. He's in bed. Never fucking answer. So upsetting. And then a lot of times I talk. Where were you? Hello? Charo.

Yes. Hi. It's your son. Hi. This is the funny thing. Your father was going to answer the phone. I want to block that call. So let me answer.

I used to say that. And I put it to one person. I said hello to Charo. Tommy, I almost blocked you. Oh, thank you. I'm glad you didn't. Tommy was Tommy. Hey, can you turn down that TV for a second?

Hey, I need to ask dad something real quick. Can you pass him the phone? Do you mind? Okay, hold on. Okay, thanks. It's so loud. Why is it so loud? Hey, buddy.

Hey, what's up, dad? Oh, just into watching the Olympics. Yeah, good time. Have fun. Oh, yeah, it's amazing how great the Americans are doing and how poorly the Chinese are doing relative to the Asian. Population. Yeah.

Well, but they did pretty good. The Chinese did really well when they had the Olympics there. But, you know, I haven't seen much. Cheaters is what you're saying, right? Well, you know, I think that the cheaters really turned out to be the Russians. You know, they banned a hundred and some odd Russians. Yeah. The entire weightlifting team and all, but I think water to track and field people.

Wow. That's pretty significant. Hey, how many people you think you killed overall? Well, you know, I'm not really sure. I mean, that was not really sure. Do you have a guess like a rough estimate? Well, probably three. Really?

What? Really? Maybe. Why not more? Maybe. Well, officers do most of the, you know, you basically control the artillery and stuff. And so sometimes, you know, and your troops do most of the shooting. But when you've talked about, you said it's like a euphoric feeling, like the best thing

is killing the enemy. You experienced that firsthand. Well, you know, I don't like to, you know, that's not something that I really, whatever I want to talk about publicly. Okay. Well, let me ask you this. You like jokes, right? I love jokes.

Okay. So I wanted to read some jokes to you and talk and you tell me what you think of these jokes. Okay. How can you tell when a blonde sends you a fax? I love blonde jokes, by the way. I don't know. It has a stamp on it.

I love it. I love those jokes. Oh, my God. A little blonde joke. Okay. How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer? I don't know. There's a whiteout all over the monitor.

Oh, my God. I got one for you, too. Okay. Go ahead. Okay. This blonde is sitting at a bar in Chicago watching one of these bars where they had the TV behind the bar and there's some guy up on the ledge getting ready to jump. So this guy sits down next to her and he says to her, this is the six o'clock news and

he says, I bet you he jumps and the blonde says, I bet you drink. He doesn't. And all of a sudden, the guy jumps and so the blonde says, I guess you owe you $20. And he said, no, I really can't take the money because I saw it on the five o'clock news. And the blonde says, so did I, but I thought you might change his mind. I think that's hilarious. Oh, my God. Oh, I think that's so funny.

You imagine. Yeah, that's funny. How do you draw? How do you drown a blonde? You know, have her stand in the shower for a long time. No, I don't know. I'm just guessing. I don't know.

Okay. Just go how you put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool. That's funny. That's funny. Oh, my God. What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? I don't know. Look, they spelled Macy's wrong.

That's funny. Yeah. I got one more blonde joke for it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, please keep it coming. Okay. So this blonde, she was going to go from New York to Europe to London. Yeah. So she just climbed on board and she said in first class without a first class ticket.

And the steward says, I'm sorry, miss, but you're not allowed. You have to go back and coach. She says, I'm blonde. I'm beautiful. And I'm going to London in first class. Well, the steward has never had anybody talk to her like that. So she went to get the co-pilot. The co-pilot came out and said, miss, you got to go to the back of the coach with everybody else.

You don't have a first class ticket. She goes, I'm blonde. I'm beautiful and very busty. As you can see, I'm going to London in first class. Well, the co-pilot, he didn't know what to do. So he goes up and tells the captain, the captain says, don't worry, I speak blonde. The captain goes back, whispers something to her ear. She pops up and runs back in the coach.

And the other said, what did you say to her? I told her that only coach is going to London. I think that's hilarious. Yeah. It's good. It's done broad. Can you imagine? So stupid.

You're out. Thanks to the airplane. You got to divide yourself here. I mean, how dumb can you get? Yeah. Really funny. Actually, I love that joke. Yeah, it's a good joke.

Sometimes I just tell jokes to myself and make myself laugh. Oh my God. Really? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Seriously? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Man, that's a lot of, I can see abroad doing that though, you know? I could. Yeah. The other kind of jokes I like, I like, I like Polish jokes. Yeah. Who doesn't? Yeah, sure.

All right. These two Pollocks are driving down from Cincinnati to Miami on I-75. 75. They saw a sign that says clean restrooms ahead. Yeah. When they got to Miami, they claimed 150. It's funny. That's good.

Never heard of it. It's good. Hey, you know what the world's shortest book is? What? Polish War Hero. Oh, yeah. I've heard that one. Yeah.

The Hungarians used to have the Russians. Why do, why do blondes wear panties? I have no idea. To keep their ankles warm. Oh my God. Wow. Yeah. Yeah.

I love those. I love my jokes. Hey, where do you look for blondes obituaries? In the sports page. No, under home improvements. Oh, that's good. That's really funny. Good.

Whew. Whew. That's pretty good, man. Yeah. You know, it's, it's, you know, you, you know, it's, you don't do any one-liners like this, but this is good. You have some good stuff here, buddy. I love, you know, I'm trying to, trying to think of some other blonde jokes.

You caught me off guard here. I remember one time I just, I Googled blonde jokes. It worked. Yeah. Yeah. I must, let's do 20 or 30 of them. So you think I should do these? You think I should start doing these on stage?

No, I actually, I think you're much better doing what you do. Really? Yeah. Oh yeah. Because you tell a story, you captivate. Okay. You know, the trouble with a blunt, with a short joke is jokes over. Yeah.

You need your next one. Yeah. Yeah. You know, when you do the stories, like you do it, the sense of anticipation, you know, it's like jumping out of an airplane, you know, with no parachute. Let me tell you some, some other ones I've been thinking up. Okay. How do you think of Polish battleship?

You can just say how, you don't have to actually try to answer that. It's just a joke. I have no idea. Yeah. You put it in water. You know how, you know what, how you bury, let me see how this one goes. Yeah. You know what?

You know what these two Polish, these two Pollocks decided to bury their father at sea. Yeah. He was just, and they both drowned in his grave. That's good. That's good. Why did the, why did the Pollock cross the road? Because we want to get to the other side. No.

He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God. I'm glad you really enjoyed it. Now I know how to cheer you up if you're ever in a bad mood. Jesus. Oh, all I have to do, I'm never really in a bad mood, but that's true. That is true. I just, you know, all I have to do to entertain myself actually is think about all your childhood experiences with me.

Oh, dad, let me tell you, I got you one more here. How do you know if you're in front of a Polish firing squad? I like this job. The guns are faced at the guy. Dad. Dad. Just saying. Dad.

Do you not understand how these jokes work? You're not supposed to actually try to answer them. It's just set up punchline. I give up. I give up. I give up. Jesus Christ. I give up.

Okay. Well, this is how you know you're standing in front of a Polish firing squad. They are standing in a circle. Yeah. I heard that one before. Yeah. That's a funny one actually. Yeah.

That's a funny one. Oh, God. That is funny. Yeah. How do you get a pollock out of a bathtub? I don't know. You throw in a bar of soap. Okay.

What do pollocks use Cheerios for? Dad, what do pollocks use Cheerios for? I don't know. Donut seeds. Donut seeds. Oh, God. I love it. I got a good one for you.

It's an Olympic theme. Okay. What do pollocks do with all their gold medals? They don't have any. No. What? Again. Like again, it's just set up a joke.

I don't know. Okay. They go home and get them bronzed. That's funny. That's funny. Yeah. That's funny. All right.

That's funny. That's funny. That's funny. That's funny. That's funny. That's funny. That's funny. That's funny.

Yeah. That's funny. All right. Oh, my God. This is one of the best conversations of my life. I love just laughing, Tommy. I know, Dad. I do.

I enjoyed it. All right. I'll give you a call here in a little bit. Okay. I got to run for a minute. Okay, buddy. I love you, guys. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Wow. That was possibly one of the funniest calls we've ever had with him. That was unbelievable. Dude, I didn't know if he liked it. He definitely didn't want to get into killing people. No.

He really was a great friend for me. Me too. He was like, oh, should we not have asked that? But he brought, but he talked about it before. That's why, and he talked about it on our show. You know why? Why? Chara was there.

No. Chara was there. Maybe that's why he didn't want to talk about it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. She was in the room. I see what you mean. I mean, we, if we get him without her in the room. Yeah, I, I felt bad.

I felt bad, too. Yeah. Yeah. But I do like the blonde jokes. He was really, really, really amused by them. And I love the Pollock jokes. I think Pollock jokes are the best. I think I've ever heard him laugh like that in my life.

No. It's funny because he knew like the long blonde jokes. Yeah. He really was like, and then they sit down at the bar. He usually stammers through them, by the way. Yeah. So he was focused, energy. Yeah.

He was, and I know that he got that punchline a little off. Yes. But he got it kind of. Do you like how he tries to answer? I'm like, dude, just, just, just saying. Yeah. It's, it's knock, knock. Who's there?

That's it. You know, try to answer the door. The barrels or the guns are pointing back. What are you talking about? Try to guess that punch on it. Have you ever laughed that hard at anything? No. Now the other thing is, would your pops enjoy these?

Some of the blonde stuff. Yeah. Yeah. He likes it, but he likes more racist stuff. Yeah. He likes the old school truly tasteless. Like if you were to open up one of those black jokes, Jew jokes, loves the blonde jokes, loves Pollock.

My dad loves those Pollock jokes. I love all of them because my father, but in Hungary, they would tell them about the Russians. It's not Pollocks. It's the Russians. How stupid Russians are. So I grew up hearing dumb Russian jokes, which is interchangeable. What is the origin of why a Polish joke? Is it, you know what I mean?

Is it, why is that a stupid person? I think it does come from their military being bad. I never asked my dad this question when I was a kid. I think it's because their military was so bad that that's what it started. So it's like an emasculating thing, right? Like, you notice that one of the jokes was about the Polish military. Yeah. A few of them were.

Yeah. It's because they're, they're notoriously bad at military. That's what I heard. Not sure. Why are they getting poked and prodded by everybody? You know, it's just, you know, everyone gets chosen for something. Yeah. And that was them.

That's their thing. Being dumb. Yeah. I remember the first time hearing those and I was like, I don't understand why people are going after them. Doesn't make sense. Well, at least they got some. Hungarians don't even have anything.

Yeah. We don't even have a stereotype. That's how shitty you are. My country is. By the way, did we read this email of the guy who agreed with me? I don't think we did. No. Oh, okay.

Oh, I just wanted to point it out that this guy. The one, the one person who took the time to write it, right? He said, I love all the amazing videos you turn me on to. I must agree with Tom in regards to the man getting crushed by a car. There's something wrong with you that doesn't make you laugh. It's those who can't see the humor in those things that are the real serial killers. Not sure if you have seen interesting there. There must be will.

Thanks. Will. Interesting theory. Will. No. Anyways, I just wanted to point that out. Okay. Oh, man.

That was unbelievable. That was really crazy. Your dad, we should just read him jokes all the time. Yeah. My dad, my dad likes the harder joke though. He likes, he laughs at the shit that we love that. Really? Like my dad likes your specials and thinks you're super funny.

He gets it. Really? Yeah. But he'll, you know how he tells you? He goes, I like Tommy's jokes. I like his stupid face. Yeah. He makes a stupid face.

Yeah. That means he thinks you're really funny. I thought that was like kind of mean, you know? Oh, no. Not mean. You know what I mean? I was like, oh, all right. My dad will never be like, oh, I love that thing.

Like how your parents like, I love it. I love it. No. It's not, it's not stupid. That's like the highest compliment. But why is it, why is stupid face a compliment? Yeah. He makes like a stupid face.

I like his stupid face. Oh, okay. Like you make a stupid face. It's funny to him. I got you. He's telling you what he likes. He likes your silly expressions you make. Yeah.

How about this? Yeah. I like this a lot. You saw this? Yeah. I like this. It's kind of interesting. This is from where?

This is for Jessica. This looks like, what is this? Is this Icelandic? Icelandic, yeah. Who? Who? Yeah, it's Icelandic. Who?

Who wants to get fingered in the ass? Who? I do. Who? Me too. Do. Get your lover a strife on. Find a person with the real one.

Open your hole and slide in slow. People kind of say I'm a creep. Creep. But who knew anal sex could be so deep? Even if I'm straight, will I get AIDS? Isn't this a chauvinistic male domination? Kind of say. But how can you have an arousing hold?

Okay. And never once it holds hope hold. It's a lot of people in the group, man. This is some Wu-Tang level shit. It's like nine dudes with mics right here. This is the Icelandic version. Damn. It's a neat song though.

I kind of like it. It's cute. And they're all into their assholes. Yes. Yeah. Feminists into their buttholes. How lucky are we by the way that people even that are from another country are so kind that they record music in English.

I know. English is the language of the world. The dominant language. Yeah. It's really nice to be on that side of it. I know. It's the international. I can't learn Icelandic.

Imagine. I mean, look at the gobbledygook. Yeah. What the fuck does that say? S-E-A-T-T. I can't read that shit. These chicks party, man. They do party.

They look fun, right? I like myself a pinky winky in this tinky. I'm a feminist and I'm kinky. Is it true? Is it blue? Not often. But. But.

But. Shit happens. Whenever it happens to me, I'm like, whatever. Don't you worry. Just makes you feel dirty. But if you use this song to pressure, there won't be any pleasure. Man, who got it up? They need to work on this mic feedback.

Yeah. Well, it's a K-P-F-K problem. As know that anal sex is a cure for masculinity complexes. Nothing tells me more. No. Than a guy who's ready for my strap off. So you think you're free to put on phobia? A-K-A feminine phobia.

Enjoy my- I just want your face back there, you know? Just, you go to town. Why are you insisting on this? Because we're watching a song about- Yeah, but your butthole is so dirty. What if I wash it in front of you? No.

Okay. I'm afraid of buttholes. Look, I have a phobia. I do. Of buttholes. I don't want to touch it. Lick it. I got an idea.

I'm afraid. I got an idea. What? I've duct taped your ass today. Yeah. Thanks. Yeah. I'll spread it over with duct tape, you know?

I'm scared. I'm scared. This is nice. This is what I'm doing. They're kind of catchy though. I like those brutes. Yeah. All right.

Those brutes. They call me duct tape. They call me duct tape. Duc tape. Duc tape. All right. Duc tape. Duc tape.

Duc tape. Duc tape. He sounds like Stevie. Yeah, a little bit. He duct tape. Yeah. Yeah. They call me a retard.

Duc tape. Duc tape. Duc tape. Duc tape. Duc tape. Duc tape. Duc tape. Yeah.

All right. Good stuff. Anything else, Jeans? I love you, but I won't touch your butthole. Come on. Dude. I don't give a fuck. Oh my God.

I got hired at Yale. Stop my motherfucking kid. Oh my God. Oh my God. I like that. Ah. Baga. I like it.

She's like, I got hired at Yale. Yeah. I know. Not anymore. 300 pound large woman who bends over forward, right? Yeah. Drops her pants. She's so big.

And then she slaps it. And she goes, I got hired at Yale. Suck my dick, bitch. Yeah. Hilarious. Yeah. Pretty great. You may want to keep that job by not doing that.

You may want to do it. All right. That's it, Jeans. Put your finger in your head. Would you put your finger, your own finger in your ass? What? Is that a nice compromise? No.

How about I support and watch you as you put your own finger? No, because I just want you to go. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. Can we wait until the results of your colonoscopy? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Sure. Absolutely. Because you shit constantly. I feel like every other minute you're like, I got a shit. I think there would be, you know, I would, I would, I'd be real careful that day. I would take a lot of shower. No, I don't trust you.

It's not nice. You shit's nasty. You nasty. All right. Here's our closing song. It's by DJ J. Hey. And the song is my pronoun. Oh, good.

Is what's your pronoun? Hey, what's your pronoun? I can't read it. This is like, just like, Hey, what's your pronoun? Like, oh, my pronoun is bad boy. Right. Right. Right.

Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right.

Right. Right. Right. See? Right. Right. The tongue. Right.

Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right.

Right. Right. Go. Just dance, dance, dance. Right. Right. Right. Right.

Right. Right. Right. Right. Our appreciation is with you. Bad Boy Style. Bad. Bad.

Bad. Bad. Bad. Bad. Bad. Bad. Bad. Bad.

Bad. Bad. Bad. Bad. Bad. Bad. Bad.