Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 364-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

Starting point is 00:00:00 One, two, three, look into those jeans. What's up with it? I got a quick announcement, a couple add-on things here. One, I added a second show this Thursday in Ontario, California at the Ontario Mills Mall at the Improv. So if you wanted to get tickets, the first one sold out, we added a second one.

Starting point is 00:00:20 You can get tickets. Please come on out, Ontario, California. Secondly, we are very, very excited to be working with Merch Method. That is our new store. We finally moved our whole store over at Merch Method now. You can go to MerchMethod.com slash Tom Segura. And you can see we have a brand new shirt.

Starting point is 00:00:40 We're really excited about it. I mentioned it at the end of the episode, but I wanted to put it at the top. It's DJ Dad Mouth, the world's greatest DJ, probably the greatest DJ of all time, is releasing his first shirt. Let's say I'm sure he'll come out with many more. DJ Dad Mouth shirt.

Starting point is 00:00:55 We also fully stocked some of the favorites. So please take a look, MerchMethod.com slash Tom Segura. And we'll get all that stuff linked up to our sites. But for right now, just go there. Check it out. Let us know what you think. Get that DJ Dad Mouth shirt if you're into it. All right, we love you.

Starting point is 00:01:14 Thanks, bye, mommy. Keep it on 100. Well, why don't you bite the end of your dad's pickup? The end of your dad's pickup. Bite the end of your dad's pickup. Bite the end, the end of your dad's pickup. The end of your dad's pickup. Bite the end of your dad's pickup.

Starting point is 00:01:43 It's meer t-mer. The blood, blood, all of this place. Bite the end of your dad's pickup. Bite the end of your dad's pickup. Bite the end of your dad's pickup. Bite the end of your dad's pickup. Bite the end of your dad's pickup. Bite the end of your dad's pickup.

Starting point is 00:02:02 Bite the end of your dad's pickup. Bite the end of your dad's pickup. It's meer t-mer. The blood, blood, all of this place. There we go. I didn't realize the song was ending. You had the Stanimum. That was a bite the end of your dad's pickup by DJ Stanimum.

Starting point is 00:02:20 Hey. Yeah. Very nice. I'm trying to sit up so I don't look like a slacker. Are you sitting up in your chair or do you rest your back on it? I'm sitting up. Yeah. I got a lot, by the way.

Starting point is 00:02:32 A number of people were like, Well, have you gained a bunch of weight? And I'm like, I lost almost 20 pounds in the last one. I know. Well, they're rude. Fucking assholes. Fucking asshole. Asshole.

Starting point is 00:02:43 You fucking asshole. Asshole. Is this me? Hello, hello. Oh my God. That was me. Thank you. Hello, hello.

Starting point is 00:02:51 That's me. I sit in that chair sometimes and sometimes I sit in those chairs so I get confused. You always fuck up my shit. You know what, Dad? What? I don't need the dude. Okay.

Starting point is 00:03:00 So mean. I got you. I'm not mean. Why do you say that? Shit today and you're all right. How do you say that? I'm not mean. Where's your water?

Starting point is 00:03:10 It's right here. It's a big glass. I may take small sips, but I'm in it for the long haul. Yeah. Long haul as in you might finish that next Thursday. I'm going to finish it in this episode. You'll see. Let's do dates.

Starting point is 00:03:30 This is Obi-Wan Kenobi. Oh, the best. Dolomite. New route. All right. Thanks. Obi-Wan. The infamous, the famous Obi-Wan.

Starting point is 00:03:41 Oh, I like so much music for us over the years. Very talented. You can go to Obi-Wan, OBE, the number one.com. He's got a lot of stuff you can download, I think. Go ahead. Plug your days, jeans. You got big ones this week. I do.

Starting point is 00:03:59 I'm in Dallas and in Houston, Phallus and Pustin. But by the time this gets put up, I think I'll be done with... Hold on. Let me just double check something here, guys. There has been a venue change. October 5th, the secret group in Houston. It's an 8 p.m. show. They have switched the venue due to plumbing issues, apparently.

Starting point is 00:04:20 So it's going to be at a place called the Warehouse Live, and they said they're going to be notifying you guys. Anybody that in Houston that saw me last year or the year before saw me at Warehouse Live. Oh. You're going back there. Same venue, guys. Go there.

Starting point is 00:04:36 Check me out. I can't wait to meet all you guys. It's cool. It's been so much fun. October 23rd, in her Appletits. Yeah. Is that what it is? Indian Appletits.

Starting point is 00:04:47 Indian Appletits at Mortys. And then October 24th, Cincinnati. Where the famous fart happened at Go Banana. Yeah. December 9th and 10th, the DC improv. That's it for this year, man. We have so much shit going on. I mean, we're stuttering because we're so tired.

Starting point is 00:05:07 I know. We stammered through all our ads. Unreal. How are we alive? Okay, go. All right. October 13th through 15th, Charlotte, North Carolina. Charlotte.

Starting point is 00:05:19 I'm at the Comedy Zone there. Charlotte. The next week, Cox Comedy Club in Manfrantisco, California. Two of those are already sold out. So make sure you hop on that dick in San Francisco. Oh, my God. And get tickets. Only a couple nights at Cox.

Starting point is 00:05:38 Caroline's on Broadway in Judoor-Titties. Judoor-Titties. I believe two are also sold out there. So you want to hop on those nuts while you can. And then Raleigh, North Carolina. Uh-uh. What's Raleigh? Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:05:53 I don't know. Rod meat? No. Rod meat's good. Not really. I'll work on it. I'll work on it. That's only two nights that I'm coming for.

Starting point is 00:06:03 It's November 4th and 5th. Those Louisville, Pooville, Kentucky. I'm doing the Laughing Derby. A couple nights there. Have I done that room? Yeah. Yeah, that's a great room. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:06:16 Trocadero. Real intimate. In Fill Her Up Delphia, we sold out three. So we added one more. It'll be the final show. If you're in Philly and you don't have tickets yet, you want to come. That is the last night that there's going to be.

Starting point is 00:06:30 But this is the fourth and final edition. I'm going November 18th and 19th. I'm going to go to Philadelphia. Yeah. And then my last gig before the year ends is Harry Palm, Harry Ball Beach. West Harry Palm. West Harry Palm Beach, Florida at the Improv.

Starting point is 00:06:48 December 2nd and 3rd. That's it. That's it. That's our year. What about New Year's? Do we have anything? I have a New Year's gig. But it's not confirmed.

Starting point is 00:06:56 It is confirmed. It is. But I don't know if it's on sale. Oh, okay. I'm just, maybe not to say it. Yeah. Just curious. You ready to go to bed?

Starting point is 00:07:06 We have been traveling, both of us. And then when we're home recording shit, taking care of the baby, our nanny had a personal thing yesterday happen. So we had to, you know, it's been a lot. Yeah. We haven't slept in what a year now. Crazy. Just keep on.

Starting point is 00:07:25 That's what coffee's for, right? I know. Keep picking coffee. Cares. Yeah. You ready to do this? It'll be dead soon. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:07:33 Yeah. I'm excited. You know what though? I always enjoy doing your mom's house because it's always a vacation from whatever adult thing is happening. You know, God is real. You know? You know what I'm saying?

Starting point is 00:07:43 God bless you. Why'd you play that? Why? Because God's real. No, that last part you played that. What do you mean? Why'd you say that? God is real.

Starting point is 00:07:53 Oh boy. There you go. Cut it off. God is real. God is real. You got to face the camera a little. Don't forget. Okay.

Starting point is 00:08:04 Because otherwise they're just looking at the side of your horse face. Well, that's just the way it is going to go. Okay. Wait a minute. I downloaded caffeine like you guys told me to. Why doesn't it work? Come on, man. How about there?

Starting point is 00:08:19 No sleep. Anti-sleep. Just like us. Yeah. All right. Well. Shit. Okay.

Starting point is 00:08:27 You want me to do this? I'm running. Let's do it. And I know you think everything has to do with genes. Well, I've been on a lot of billionaires and the best of my knowledge, I never saw one wearing a fucking pair of jeans. Not one. Not one.

Starting point is 00:08:43 This shit is big time. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Your mom in the fucking stand. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to your mom's house.

Starting point is 00:08:51 Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to your mom's house.

Starting point is 00:09:07 Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to your mom's house. You must remember. Welcome to your mom's house. You must remember.

Starting point is 01:27:04 Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to your mom's house.

Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 364-Your Mom's House with Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura

This week, the mommies discover and fall in love with a new Dan Pena clip, get a translation for Christina's Persian voicemail lady, listen to old and new songs, play a round of 'Rate My Jeans,' and m...uch much more!

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