Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 399-Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura

Episode Date: June 7, 2017

There's a wise, older Asian man that can have an orgasm without ejactulating and every time he shakes from within his prostate it's like watching a parade: pure, unadulterated joy.  Aside from that this episode is full of fun. We have a man that uses ALL the Big Words he can think of, PLUS a job orientation that rivals the infamous Let's Get Social song.  We have a follow up on Shaq's biggest "toe" and a big announcement for Tommy's fall shows. Plus, don't forget to MAKE FITNESS in our new official Fitness tank.  (Imagine the sound of the Asian man shaking from the inside here). 

Our, our show is now ready to begin. Would you like me to press play on the show? Yeah. Thank you guys for listening. Thanks for supporting our sponsors. Please go to your momshousepodcast.com. Do your Amazon shopping through our banner. It helps kick back to the show. Please support our sponsors. We love you. Enjoy this episode of your mom's house, Palmcast. Can you show me how those big tits fart? How the big tits fart? Yeah. Big tits don't fart to me. Can you pick them? Huh? Yeah. These are tits. What are you talking about? People want to know if you can show them how those big tits fart.

Do you want to fart? Do you really want to fart? Do you want to fart, fart, fart? Fart! Okay, let's get to it. Wow. Wow. That was really good. Wow. That was so impressive. Yeah. That was Mama Titty Farts by A.K.A. Bad Friend. It's really good. Yeah. Very, very interesting. Very good job. I'm very impressed with your mother's flow. Yeah. She's a, she's a natural, you know? She's a big natural. She does have those big naturals. I find it so funny that your dad still feels gypped by the bra that fits her.

So it's such an insight into really how his mind works. Yeah, like if the cup runneth over, that's good, but then her cup fits now and he's like, no, give me those spillage, the spillage of the tits. I want to see those tits. He likes the jiggle. Yeah. He did, now he doesn't have jiggle. He did though. He did provide some interesting insight into why he thinks like that. If you paid attention there in that conversation, he said, you know, when I was growing up and we go to the movies, there's no such thing as nudity or bikinis.

It was just the thing was, you know, an open shirt on a woman and some cleavage. So it's like your mind, it's funny, like anything, it's all involved in involving like your childhood. Yeah. Your wires are connected. Everything. And puberty and then for the rest of your life, that's what turns you on. And it goes for everything. Like everything that's like, that upsets you. There's probably some tie to childhood, you know. Yes. Well, I was listening to Shirley Manson and Joe Rogan talk about how when in your adolescence is actually... Maryland, but yeah.

No, it's Shirley Manson. Maryland. When you develop your musical taste in adolescence and because that's like a formative time for you, that's why you tend to like the same music that you started in high school. I am absolutely the same way. I don't like anything past 1994. Yeah. I'm maybe like the strokes.

Or like you find this or that that you enjoy, but basically you like this era. I was just listening to goth music that I liked when I was 14 in the kitchen before we did this. And it's still my jam. It's still my mom jam. Oh my God. So embarrassing. What's wrong with the, is it the phrase, my jam? Yeah, of course. But that's cool. I thought it's a cool word.

It's not cool. What am I supposed to say? I don't know anything else. That's my song. It's my band. There you go. It's my jam. It's my jam.

It's my jam. I'm so, I have so many things to share because I went to mom ver to denim ver. Yeah. With my BFF Shauna and I did a lot of, I did a lot of big girl things. You sure did. I smoked pot for the first time in like two and a half years. Geez. And when they say that, I mean, I took one tiny little hit.

Yeah. But it affected you, right? Yeah. And we got crazy. We watched the Twilight movie. Oh, the first one. Vision quest. We did. Yeah. Were you team Edward, team Jacob?

I used to be team Edward and then I go to Jacob and then I go back. What? Yeah. I said Jacob and you said absolutely not team Edward forever. Well, I don't like that Edward abandons her at some point in the movies. Like he kind of, he just neglects her. Motherfucker's got to eat, man. It's not why he leaves her.

Yeah, he does. Pussy eating, right? Oh, you think he went to go find other. Box. Other human beavers. Yeah. No, he's chased. He's not.

Christian. I don't know anything about the whole. You got to watch with me. There's like 10 movies. We can really get into it. No. I'm good. It's not for dudes.

I like Harry Potter movies. Those are amazing. I like that a lot. Who's your favorite character? I don't know. I like, I like, I just, I'm fascinated by it. We got into it a couple of Christmases ago. Yeah.

And you watch that first one. You're like, that's cute. But then as the, as the stories progress, it actually is just, well, first of all, it's amazing filmmaking, right? Yeah. It's just, you know, they, they really kill it as far as that goes. And then the stories get better and you just get invested in it. I mean, I actually really like it.

Yeah. And it's a, it's a wonderful hero's journey. And I like Professor Snape. He, his teeth remind me of yours. Just the bottom row that he didn't have done. Yeah. Got it. What's his name?

Professor Snape. No. What's the reactor's name? Snapey. He's dead, right? Yeah. He's dead. Yeah.

He was such an amazing actor. Harry Potter. I really watch him act in anything. I know. I have. I have. I forgot his name. Is that?

Potter. Is that iron? No. He was so disdainful of the children, which really I liked a lot. And he's super Gothic and witchy. I like that. I liked, uh, original Dumbledore was, was amazed. The second Dumbledore, you're like, mmm.

Alan Rickman. That's his name. That was his name. God, he's a good actor. He's dead. I know he died like last year. Pretty young to be, to, to die. When did he die?

How old? Alan Rickman was like 60, right? Like not even old. Yeah. He was, he wasn't old at all. I mean. What did he die of? He died 69.

Come on. Dude, that's not even old, bro. Pancreatic cancer though. Oh, that's a nasty one. Fuck. Poor son of a bitch. Sucks, dude. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Pultress. Yeah. Such amazing, you know, voice control, right? The way that he would deliver a line. Come control. Like he would come so hard around those kids and they never knew it. We're talking about something nice right now.

Why would you do that? You're ruining this moment. God. It's really terrible that you would do that. Is this respectful? Remember those shrieking mandrakes? That's almost my favorite. Hi.

Which Harry Potter movie is this one? Third. Right. Where Hermione hits puberty and they all do a train on her. This is neat when Ron and Harry bang Hermione. This is how she goes from teenager to adult. Right. This is her graduation into being a witch.

It's a big ceremony. Yeah. And then the lady from Downton Abbey. Ms. McGarnagall? She comes in and she blesses the whole room. Yeah. Oh, this is her graduation ceremony in part. I remember this.

Hermione drinks a special potion there. And then they're like, now you're a witch. Yeah. That's great. There you go. Very special moment. We need to be reviewing all the movies. I feel like we could do a better job than that Siskel and Ebert.

Yeah, I think so too. Those two fags. Oops. I'm not supposed to say that word anymore. I know you can't help yourself. All right. Let's get into it. Ready?

Let's get into it. Is it Siskel and Roper? I don't know what it is. Roper and Ebert? Yeah. There's a couple of dead. Actually two are dead. Wow.

Remember when he had malcancer? Yeah, the original two guys are dead. Yeah. What's the original? Siskel and Roper. No, Siskel and Ebert. Siskel and Ebert. Then Siskel died.

Then Ebert got sick. And he was all like that because he had like his jaw removed. And then he died. Now that's your hope. I may have said F-A-G just now. You don't have to spell it. You can say it. F-A-G.

And then you used to make fun of his mouth cancer because we saw a documentary. I didn't make fun of that of his mouth cancer. Oh my God, you did for years. I made fun of that he had cancer. I made light of the fact that I wouldn't have photographed him because it wasn't a good look. It's not, you shouldn't be on television when your face is that messed up. Yeah, or like when you're really old.

You're sick, yeah. When you're dying. It's like, I don't know why these, you know who I think had a pretty good system for it was Johnny Carson. When he retired, you never saw a picture of him again. It was like someone hunted him down. Yeah. That's good.

Yeah. So he got, he got old and died. You never knew what he looked like. Yeah. You see these guys now that are like, you know, either sick or super old. Yeah. I gotta be in the spot. God.

It's so narcissistic. It is narcissistic. It is. It's narcissism. Richard Simmons is kind of ducking out and I think people aren't letting him. They're not letting him, but then there was, there was a, there was rumors that somebody was, you know, taking advantage of him and all that. Yeah.

But the housekeeper had kidnapped him or something like that. I don't know. Yeah. But Simmons has the right idea because he's aging and he just, you know, everyone wants to remember him as that fitness guy in the dolphin shorts. Yeah. You don't want to think of him as old. Georgia Gabor too.

She kind of faded out. Let's open the show. I'm just so excited to be here. There's a lot, a lot to cover. We'll go over it all. Here we go. If I was a racist, I'd call all you Arabs camel jockeys. I wouldn't do that.

This shit is big time. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Yo mama in the fucking stand. Welcome, welcome, welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura, Tom Segura. Christina Pajitse. Christina Pajitse. Welcome to your mom's house.

Gosh, guys. Nice. Yeah. And this is a, I guess he, he's some type of Jesus protest or something. Oh boy. Yeah. It looks like he's on a college campus. That's what I understand.

I like that guy giving him the finger. Oh yeah. Nobody likes him. Really? There's so much going on. This is a Jesusy protest. He goes to the campus basically to provoke people. That's fun.

Yeah. Back to Harry Potter for a moment. Sure. Don't you feel like Hermione and Harry would have been a better couple than Ron Weasley and Hermione? Yeah, of course. Yeah. Hermione is like up here.

She's intelligent. She's hot. And then Ron's kind of a loser. Yeah, but didn't they, they couldn't, I mean, who did a, who did a, I mean, I like Ron. Don't get me wrong. I eventually in the final one, who do they show Harry with, right? He's like an adult and he's with Asian lady. He had an Asian girlfriend.

No, no, but in the final one, they do like a flash forward where he's an adult and he has kids, remember? Right. He's with. Jenny Weasley. Jenny? Yeah. So he and Jenny, the Weasleys, you know, that family, then they hook up.

She's younger than him. So that's why they don't really hook up because there's no grass. Oh. There's no grass on her field yet. But then once the grass grows green. Then they're right back to it right here. That's the final movie. This is the last scene.

And then there's a, you know, there's a whole new series. Shut up. Yeah. What do you mean? Yeah. Are there Horcruxes? There's a new, there's a new series. You're messing with me.

No. What's the show? What is it? I forget. I mean, I'll tell you. Is it the son of HP? Let me, let me see. Now I like Ron Weasley.

Don't get me wrong. He's, he's charming. He's sweet. He's vulnerable. But I just feel like Hermione is such a winner. It's kind of like, meh. Yeah. Like kind of not a winner like Harry.

Yeah. You know? I feel like Harry and Hermione are equals. Jenny's cool. She's all right. But, you know. Let's see what the new series is called. She's working on two new novels.

Good. The Native American Wizarding Community was particularly gifted animal and plant magic. I thought you were joking. No, I'm serious. She's, she's doing a whole new series, man. Native American stuff. The writing is in full depth. What?

Apathize Fan, the member release of Harry Potter's spinoff films, right? Cool. Fantastic Beasts and where to find them. So yeah, there's movies coming. There's new series coming. She's doing a bunch of shit. Now it's a Native American theme. Does that mean we're going to see a lot of dream catchers?

You know, I don't like that aesthetic. Southwestern aesthetic. Are we going to see a lot of Bolo ties? I don't know. I don't know. I hope not. I hate Bolo ties. A lot of queso.

That's enough for me to turn off a movie. Me too. Yeah. I hate, I hate dream catchers. And if I meet somebody and they're wearing one. I hate it. It's not going to be a long conversation. And also on here on a Twilight.

Yeah. Jacob gives her a dream catcher for her bed and I, that's immediately when I was like, no, team Edward. What? That's when you switched? That's the first time I felt the inclination. I can't blame you. I can't blame you.

I don't like those. They're ugly. Yeah. Stupid. I call all you white people crackers. I don't give a fuck what you call me. If I was, if I was a racist, I call all you Mexican spits. Is this your stand-up act?

Is this your new hour? This feels like my hour right now. Yeah. That's interesting. You fucking spit. That, there's by the way, a big, a big week for. Big words. A big week.

I know. People are like, are you doing Bill Maher's thing? Are you Bill Maher? I don't just drop that willy-nilly. I do not. No. No. The problem with how he said it is that he did it like, like he was a black comic and

he tried to say that. Yeah, he did. He did it. Yeah. But also a little bit, a little bit of delivering a joke like that is you do kind of, if you're going to say it, you got to kind of really go for it. Did he not go for it? No, no, no.

I'm saying like he, he, that's how you deliver. If you're going to, if you're going to say that line the way he did it, you can't half ass it. Well, tell people what the, the bit is for those who don't know. Here it is. I'm not going to say it. Good morning. You're welcome.

We'd love to have you work in the fields with us. Work in the fields. That's part of that. I'm a house nigga. No. It's, it's not the craziest thing I've ever heard. I kind of liked it actually. When I saw it, I go, oh, I, I get it.

Like he's like, we're going to the fields. Yeah. I get it. I'm not going to say it. You're not going to get me to Bill Marmice. Um, I'm not, I mean, I'm never offended. No, of course it doesn't. But I, I mean, I understand when people get upset.

It's funny. I feel like a lot of comics, black comics, not offended. No. I cannot see, like I heard no one bring it up. I was at the store after this. No one gives a shit. No. It's white people that are generally outraged.

No. I saw a lot of black people outraged, but not black comedians. No, right. Not the comics. Black comics don't go like, I cannot believe it. Like he's a comic. He's just went for it. It's so funny when I was working on that TBS show with Marlon Wayans and a lot of black

comedians and that guy came out the owner of the, was it the Lakers at the time? No, no, the Clippers. The Clippers and his girl was seen with a black guy and he called them and he used the N word basically. Is that what happened? Or she taped him saying that was a Donald Sterling Sterling. That's right. She recorded him saying like, you know, I don't like you being, don't bring black people

to the arena and like, I, you know, I didn't, I mean, he was pretty overtly racist about a lot of stuff. Yes. He was like, I don't even care if you fuck other guys, just don't bring them to the fucking game. The black guys to the game. Yeah. Yeah.

So, so that happened and I was, I was, I was just crazy. So I was working with a bunch of black people at the time on that black medians at the time. Not one of them were offended. They're like, oh yeah, that's just normal. Like white people are racist. They were offended at the fact that she ratted him out. Yeah. Yeah.

That she had snitched on him, which I thought was really funny. I'm like, you guys aren't even fazed by that. They're like, nah, white people are just racist. That's a given. Yeah. I mean, a lot of people think like that. Yeah. I mean, I don't know that white people are super racist.

Yeah. I don't think every, you know, whatever. They really caused a shit storm. There was that. Bill Mars thing. Yeah. Yeah. He was really fired up about it.

I just don't. He's not my favorite personally. I'm not a huge fan. I think people also, you know what they get more upset about than him saying it is when people assume like they, there's, they think that he has given himself a pass. In other words, that he has the card, you know, the whole card to say what he wants. Yeah. Yeah.

And it, and it's, it's that point of view is further blown up by the fact that he publicly dates black women. So he's always, he's with black. So there, I think there's part of it, um, like the sentiment of like, do you think just because you have sex with a lot of black women, that that gives you that liberty? Like you're still not, you know, granted the freedom to say what you want. That's what I think a lot of people can get up. Which I 100% agree that point of view of being like, you're not in the group.

You know. Yeah. You can't, and even, even like we can't, I, I always feel like I can't even speak on this topic. Cause I'm not black. That's the first thing that somebody would say breaking this down. Oh, two white people are, of course, yeah, yeah, which, you know, I understand that too. But I still feel like, you know, it's in the, it's also in the realm of comedy.

So we have, uh, some rights. Well, I mean, we can talk about whatever we want. Talk about, talk some shit. Talk shit if you want. No, I look as a comedian, I always think it's, uh, freedom of speech. I don't give a shit. Say, which there's so many things I've heard in comedy, sometimes by my favorite comedians who say sexist jokes or anything, that doesn't stop me from liking them.

You just go, okay, that's not, you know, hey, that's not for me. I think comedians always do this kind of stuff differently. Yeah. Like whenever somebody says a joke and they get in trouble, you're still like, okay, because we've heard so many worse things and so many versions of that already. Yeah. Like it's not like I've never hung out in a group and somebody has made a joke like Bill made.

Nobody is, no one gets worked up about it. Nobody gets worked up, but that's because the understanding is we all like each other. We're all friends. We're all in it. You know what? Yeah. And also like if you're going for the laugh, like, I mean, people say awful things going for the laugh.

Yeah. I was just hanging out with somebody and they made, they were telling me about lunch with a friend where another friend had died and the friend that died was very close to one of the people at the lunch. And the person told me about how they made a joke about like a joke about how somebody at the lunch was responsible for their friend's death, which is like a, it's a harsh joke. But you know, the guy went with it because he's a comic and realized that the comment was made to go for a joke.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Yes. Yes. Yes. That's a thing. Anybody else would have been like, Jesus. Yeah.

Like that guy just died. Well, the intent is always with comedians to make people laugh. Yeah. And just know that the intent is always for that end, for joy at the end of the day. So they may misstep, you may offend too many people. Here's what I think. Number one, if it's funny, then it's a success. Yeah.

If the audience doesn't laugh, you've gone too far. And that's how you know society right now in this time and space, they're not into what you're doing. Yeah. You can't say that right now. Okay. That's fine. That's enough.

Now, let's go to another one, which is Kathy Griffin. Yeah. Who I love. I think she's funny. I think she's had a great career. She's fantastic. I think had that Trump thing been funny, it would be a different story. And I think she went too serious and it was like an arty statement versus like, let's make

this shit funny. Yeah. I mean, it would have been like a home run. Yeah. You know, that's the only thing I think she's loved a little. And you know, I'll say it openly, like I have disdain for Trump. I think he's a fucking embarrassment and a buffoon. Yeah.

I can't stand him. Yeah. At all. And I don't think it's okay. I don't think it's okay to do that to a sitting president because you can't pick and choose based on your preferences when it's okay, like to do that, to make that gesture. It's not that I'm personally outraged. Yeah.

It's just that like you have to, you have respect for the office of president. Yeah. And if you are doing like decapitation portrayals of a sitting president, it's not okay to do. I don't, I don't feel like you feel like it's more of a threat. It's like, it's like, it's like a death threat. Yeah. I mean, and not to a degree, I just feel like it's in such poor taste to do that regardless of whether or not you agree or disagree with your president, their point of views.

And by the way, I thought it was, I was, it was grossly done when Obama was president. There was all these, I saw, you know, new slinch things and they'd have little effigies and I thought that was. Well Ted Nugent's been hanging presidents and effigy for how many years? It's gross to do. I don't think you should do it. Like I said, it's not that I'm personally worked up about it. Right.

I just feel like you have to have some standard of how you treat a sitting president. You can say what you want about them, obviously not threatening them. I feel like you can rip them apart however you feel about how stupid they are and how they're completely, you know, out of, like just not at all capable of their job and that however decision they make is absolutely insane and an embarrassment and how you don't think they'll make it even through anything you want to say about it. But when you start like decapitating them and showing, right, right, right. It's just, it's so, it's beyond classless.

It's just, it's, it's so disrespectful to do to the head of state. I don't think you should do it. I just don't think you should. Interesting. Interesting. I tend to differ with you and only because I'm, I'm just going on free association here. When communism fell, a big symbol of that was taking down the statues and beheading the statues, taking down the symbolism of the oppressor of the thing you don't agree

with. So I don't know. But it's also a statue is usually of a former person. Right. Right. It's already, the power has already been usurped or maybe it's a revolutionary thing where you, you're about to overthrow the power structure and that's like a symbol of overthrowing.

If you have a fucking decapitated Reagan head, it's different because you're saying like whatever. Okay. I hate him. He's also dead. He's gone. You know, but if you have the current sitting president and you're decapitating him, I don't really feel like that's, I don't know.

I don't think I get, I get that you're sending a message and it's a, it's a strong one, but I think you have to have some level of respect for someone for who's in power at the moment. Yeah. We may just have to agree to disagree on this one. Segura. I don't think you have to, you're with, you shouldn't not be able to say crazy shit. Yeah. You just think this, the imagery is, is not respectful.

Well, that lends itself to more things like that. That's one of the reasons why I think it's like, it's, it's a little crazy if you start decapitating a president in, in obviously artistically, right, smearing blood all over and then that fires up people who agree with that sentiment, then it just lends itself to him. I mean, I, it just can make that type of action more acceptable and then you have like, you're inciting violence in a sense. You're inciting.

Yeah. You're inciting art to, to, to, to go along those lines. I don't know. I, I, okay. What about just disrespect? Now I like the ones, uh, remember that artist who had him with a tiny peener naked and that's the thing is that if it's disrespectful, it's funny, but if it's violent, then maybe that's the line.

I don't think you shouldn't be able to disrespect the president. So do you not like the naked tiny peener? I love that one. Oh, well that's disrespect. I'm saying, I don't feel like you shouldn't be allowed to disrespect them. I feel like when you have like, like really extreme violent depictions of your sitting president, I don't know, I don't know if that's, that's, I don't think that really helps. Fair enough.

Well, she certainly got the, uh, backlash for it. By the way, the backlash that I thought would come from the decapitated thing would be things like what I'm saying, like, Hey, I think that's pretty crazy that you're decapitating our president. Right. I'm not a fan. I think that's pretty crazy. I didn't think she would have to do a press conference and that she was openly weeping

in the press conference. Well, okay. Just so you know, I, I'm a little familiar with how Kathy's dealt with things in the past. Yeah. She tends to be very dramatic. I will say that because I remember when she lost, she took over with Joan Rivers show when Joan Rivers passed and, you know, she got fired from that show or quit or something

and she made it a big stern and she was effusive and emotional. So she's basically fueling it to get the press out of it. Yes. And I think, and let's be honest that Kathy's a very provocative comedian. She likes to talk some shit. She likes to throw shade. That's her whole thing. And I think what the Trump thing, she was looking for a little like, ooh, this is going

to zing. This is going to cause a buzz. And I think it was a little too much buzz. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. If it were funny, I just, then I feel like it would have been a hit. I know. And it's so much better.

When I, you know, the, I guess I kind of missed part of it. Like I saw the image. I didn't blink of it when I saw it. Yeah. I didn't give a shit. Yeah. I just saw it like, oh, she hates him. Like some of the people do.

I get it. Who cares? I mean, like I really was just like, I don't care. Then there was like, oh, do you hear Kathy, Kathy Griffin's in trouble. And I was like, oh, okay. And then when I saw that like there's going to be an appall, I was like, uh-uh. But I get, I get that, that you, I don't think you should have violence encouraged to sitting heads of state.

I don't think it's a good idea. There you go. Yeah. Well, I, you know, I feel bad for her. I like her and I, I hope that this kind of smooths out. I don't, you know, what's just a fucking comic, dude? I know. I mean, let it, let her have a gig.

She'll, she'll be fine. Yeah. She'll be fine. What's the law? She doesn't get to host fucking New Year's Eve or whatever with Anderson. Yeah. Well, big shit. She's got many other jobs.

She'll, she'll be fine. Do you want to host that? No. I'd rather blow my brains out. Really? Wouldn't you? Can you think of anything? First of all, they have to say nothing for five hours.

Like, well, this sure does look like a full house tonight, Anderson. Right behind me, you'll see the ball and you're like, what are you fucking talking about for five hours? I blow my fucking brains out. Then up next, One Direction's going to sing their hit song. Like, oh my God. It's a terrible thing. I would fucking kill.

I'd rather talk about these guys. She tours like endlessly, man. She tours constantly. She's publishing books. She's very successful. Let's check this out right now. She doesn't need that fucking, she'll, she's fine. I know.

Somebody was like. Huge following. You know, her career's over, career's over. No, it's not. And I was like, why? Because none of her fans would stop buying tickets to her shows. She's beloved. The gay community loves Kathy Griffin.

She's doing theaters. Well, that's right. She's fine. She's doing great. Okay. So right now there are North Tord. Well, she canceled them. She did?

She did. When this happened. Oh, because the death threats and everything? Absolutely. I think it's a little heavy for her right now. So she canceled them. Yeah. She's doing, she's doing fine.

She's really successful. Yeah. But none of them would stop buying tickets. Of course. The fans probably like her more. Of course. Because they're, you know, they're probably anti-Trump as well. It's fantastic.

She's fine. Yeah. She was, I mean, I guess, who knows if these are still, because these are, some of the ways away. Community Arts Center, St. George's Theater in New York. Theater. Yeah. She's doing fine.

She's doing fine. Oh, no, no, no. You know. Let's, let's, let's lighten it up. If I was a racist, I'd call all you Arabs camel jockeys. I wouldn't do that. I liked that he goes, I wouldn't do that. If I was a racist, I'd call all you African-Americans.

How would you dare? What? I'd call all you African-Americans. How would you dare? How would you dare? I would never do that. I would never do that as I'm doing that. What's with the gay rainbow flag?

I don't know. What's that all about? He's, you know, it's funny. He's a, he's a college level Kathy Griffin though. He's just like, he's a provocateur though. He's just doing that to get a reaction. Yeah. I wouldn't do that.

She's got the jokes though. She's fine. No, I know, but it's, it is to incite a reaction. That's, that's all he's doing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't do that.

I love that people get mad at that, that guy. Like he's just a fucking subway act. You know what I mean? Like some lunatic in a fucking car. He's going to where they, like they didn't come see him. He just went to like the student union outside. They're not paying $30 a ticket for that shit. Fuck no, man.

Fucking dummy. Big fucking dummy. Can I tell you what I discovered? You know how you and I talk about how we suffer for years before we make slight, like we would use one phone charger in the house versus just buy five. Yeah. So for 40 years, I've been wearing shoes without socks and I fucking hate it. I hate it so much.

My feet are very sweaty and I fucking ruined shoes and my feet are sweaty all day and I just hate, hate, hate it. So I was like, did I talk to you about that? I don't know. I was like, wait, do people like, do you wear socks and slip on shoes and you go, yeah, you can buy invisible socks. Yeah. They're like barely cover your foot.

Yeah. Did you just buy them? I just bought them on Amazon using our banner, your mom's house podcast.com. Yeah. Click on the banner at the top of the homepage and it's changed my whole life. Amazing. And now I, I'm so much happier about it. My feet don't sweat all day.

Yeah. It only took 40 years to figure out that that's what people have been doing. You, I mean, you've seen me with little ankle socks so many times. And then, but you know what I think in my fucked up Eastern black brain? What? Those are not for me. Oh, right. Those are what fancy people have.

Is that crazy? Brains do that. Your brain will do that to you. I don't deserve ankle socks. What are you, bougie? I went to that chiropractor. The human mechanic. Yeah.

And I've noticed that like I'm getting a slight hump at the top of my back and I was just like, well, that'll just be there. It's like one of the first thing he said, he's like, oh, yeah, I can get that out of you. Yeah. Make a couple of adjustments. Isn't that amazing? It's already better.

It's already better. But that we just accept the bad thing. I'm like, oh, that'll hurt and look bad. I know, it's so stupid. The tooth that I just, the crown I just got replaced, that thing hurt me for like five years. Yeah. Five years.

I would have to floss around it. It would hurt. Every time I ate something that would get, food would get caught in it. And I was like, well, I guess I have to suffer. It's expensive to replace a crown. I can't do that. I know. Just let your teeth hurt.

Mouth hurt a lot. Um, let's tell them right now, this is a fucking big month. Big month. Big words. Yeah. You're, uh, you only have a couple of weeks left. I'm so pumped. First of all, I want to thank everybody that came out to Denver comedy works.

Big shout out to the mommies who work at the comedy works. Apparently they're huge fans of the show and they played mom's house music all weekend and it was such a thrill. And thank you to all the mommies who came out. It was truly a wonderful weekend. So coming up, I've only got June 16th and 17th at the punchline in Manfran Disco to run my hour before I tape it. Oh, I do one more show at the you who room at Flapeyre's comedy club in Burbank, June

22nd, June 24th is the big day. You can put your name on a list and they will contact you when you will get tickets to my tapings June 24th in Seattle at the show box theater. Go to 1000 ranch.com. Click on the link there. Put your info in and they will contact you. Like I said, there's two shows seven and nine thirty and I'm really stoked. You guys, I'm like, I'm fucking ready to do this.

Double barrels. Tommy's going to come with me and I'll be up there. You're going to massage me and keep me calm. Yeah, it's going to be awesome. I'm going to be in a fucking frenzy that day. I'm really stoked about it. I'm so happy for you. It's without Eugene.

I would be nothing. Please. Because of you. Please. You're my gene. I have a huge announcement. You're non binary. I'm non binary.

I'm Polly this Friday, the ninth, not only am I doing a show in Tuxin, Arizona. The next day is Reno and the next day is Pachanga in Temecula. Isn't that a Spanish word for pussy? It is. But not only am I doing those shows this weekend, but on Friday, September, June 9th, all my fall dates go on sale. I'm a second leg of the no teeth, no entry tour go on sale. It's a lot.

I'm coming to Lincoln, Nebraska, Oklahoma City, Springfield, Missouri, Oakland, California, Denver, Colorado, Albany, New York, Reading, Pennsylvania, Portland, Maine, Toronto, Ontario, Canada, Ann Arbor, Indianapolis, Cleveland, St. Louis, Fargo, Albuquerque, San Antonio, Austin, Port Chester, New York, New York, Buffalo, Riverside, Big Show in Los Angeles, and Fartnix, Arizona. Wow. All those are on sale this Friday, June 9th. Go to TomSegura.com, click on the tour page, and get your tickets.

That's it, Gina. That's a lot of tours. It's a lot. And then your mom's Australia, that's... I got mom's Australia. Oh, your mom's house live. Let's not forget to plug those two dates. Yeah.

There's August 23rd is in Breastballs Beach, Florida at the Palm Beach Improv, but we have one in July, right? I'm looking it up right now. We have a July one in... I love one on our internet. ...in Sperm Vine. July 9th, Irvine Improv, and then August 23rd at West Palm Beach. Yeah.

That should be really fun. A lot of fun. I can't wait to do those. That'll be good. Yeah. It's going to be exciting. July 9th. There you go.

Tom, I learned how to do boomerang this morning. Yeah. It's cool. It's about six months after I did. I like how you didn't even... You know what? I got on this thing called Friendster. It was really cool.

Oh, yeah. And I forgot to... For you, I had something set up. Great. For your... Can't wait. No, for your tour. Do you like big tits?

God see Christina do stand-ups. Now we're talking. Wow. Thank you. Do you like big tits? That's really neat. Thank you. Do you like big tits?

God see Christina do stand-ups. Now we're talking. By the way, this is one of my favorite things we didn't get to last week. We had my parents on Top Dog and Charo. And at a certain point, you know, it went on long enough, but there was one point afterwards where I was trying to show them non-binary things just to get their reaction on it. I looked that up. So it's 41 minutes in that we've been sitting here.

My dad was there. My mom was here. I'm here. We have... I'm playing clips and it's the first time when my dad goes, I don't hear anything. And this is when we discover that for 41 minutes, he didn't have headphones plugged in, but never said anything. So they were on his ear and we're having this conversation and he just never mentioned.

It's definitions here because people will hear the term non-binary and not know what that means. And in fact, some people hear non-binary and say, well, why not trans man or trans woman? How do you answer those two questions? You don't hear anything? No. What do you mean you don't hear anything? You didn't hear any of that?

No. Did you hear that mom? Yes. You didn't hear a word? No, not a word. Okay. Do you hear me in the microphone right now? No.

You don't hear me right now? No. You haven't heard anything this whole time? No. Yeah. You pulled your headphone out? No. Where does it go?

In here. I never had it in there. The whole time? No. Yeah, he did. Yeah. I see him. Do you remember he laid back and he put it out?

Okay. Can you hear me now? No. Yeah, I never had it on, actually. This whole time. No. I didn't actually. Wait.

Okay. All right. Why don't you play these? Okay. This ought to be good. I wonder if you have some basic definitions. Ever. He didn't even hear what the fuck you were saying.

So like right now, he just heard like muted sound because he put headphones on, but had nothing plugged in. But didn't. Wow. That's amazing. And never was like, oh, I don't hear anything through my head. But apropos our discussion earlier of like, well, I guess it's just not how it goes. Yeah.

It's also exactly like who he is, which is like, I don't really need to hear you. As long as I can hear my own thoughts, I don't really care. And then this was great. This is when I, so I got Char to say that. And then I was, I was trying to get top dog to say, I wrote, I had this joke, an improv joke in, if you ever saw the people's mayor, which is on my YouTube page where it's kind of like this parody of Rob Ford, the old Toronto mayor that I made a couple of years ago with some really talented people, you know, we would improvise lines.

And I had one where I'm playing that guy and I go, hey, how come, how come if you think you're going to fart and you shit, there's a name for that. What about when you think you're going to shit and you fart? There's no name for that. So I try to get top dog to say it. This is what it's like to try to get him to, to say, here we go. Hold on. See that.

No, that's the only, I know there's been another song made for you, but I don't see where it is. That's okay. So will you say for me though? Do you like big tits? I just say, do you like big tits? Go see Christina. She goes, she goes, oh, yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Do you like big tits? Go see Christina. Let's do the same thing that go see Christina. Do stand up. Okay. Yeah.

Okay. Do you like big tits? Go see Christina. Do stand up. Now we're talking. There you go. Now we're trying to get top dog. And you say, how come sometimes you think you're going to fart and you shit and there's

a name for that. What about when you think you're going to shit and you only fart? What's that called? You think you're going to fart and you shit, there's a name for that. When you think you're going to shit and you only fart. What's that called? You think that that's pretty, like you think you could spit that out right now if I. Okay.

How come when, when you fart, but shit, there's a name for that, but how come when you shit and you don't fart, there's nothing for it. So you struggled. I can't repeat lines. Okay. Cause the funny thing is I thought it was pretty easy to repeat. Not for, I wouldn't know. He really, but my mom memorized it immediately.

I'd have to read it cause I can't repeat things back. If you had it written down, I could memorize it. I have to see it. How come when you fart and you shit, there's a name for that. No, no, no. When you think you're going to fart and you said, how come when you think you're going to fart and you shit, there's a name for that. But then you shit and you think, no, no, no.

When you think you're going to shit, no, you're so disappointed when you think you're going to shit and then you fart, what's that called? Yeah. Can you do it all together though? I'm not sure. I'm going to do it. Yeah. She's an actor.

She's great. That doesn't understand this. He says, how come when he's saying he's going to fart, but the shit that is a name for that. And then he's wondering, he keeps asking me all the time, how come when he says he's going to shit, but don't fart, there's no name for that. Perfect. Is she even?

You can do that, man. How come when I'm going to fart and I shit, there's a name for that. What's it called when you think you're going to shit and you only fart? What's that called? That's it. You got it. Perfect. That was really good.

That's it. Perfect. What is that called? That's the thing. So when you think you're going to fart and you shit, it's called a shard. I didn't know there wasn't a name for this. So it's like, you know, you go, oh, and then you're like, uh-oh, I shit. What about you go, I have to take a shit and you only fart?

There's no name for that. There really isn't. There should be though. That's what I'm thinking. I think we can capitalize on that. I think our audience should weigh in on me. It's a great idea. What are we going to call it?

What are we going to call that? Okay. So when you think you're going to shit, but you only fart, what is that? I mean, just to lay it out when you think you're going to fart and you shit is called a shard. Everybody knows it. Right. So you're like, oh, you feel confidence to fart.

Uh-oh. It comes out. But what about when you're like, I got to take a shit and you just sit down and you fart. Right. It's only a disappointment. Yeah. But there should be a name for that.

I know. I know. Okay. Let's see. It's not called a dump. It's called a hump or a wisp or a slump. Yeah. Woof.

Yeah. It's not a shit, but a flip. A fumped. A fump. What about a fump? A fump. A fump is like a fart that was a dump. A dump.

Instead of a dump. Right. A fumped. There you go. It's a fump. It's a fump. A fumped. I farted when I should have dumped.

Yeah. A fumped. I think we got it. I was so smart. Do you think? How excited is my dad? Yeah. Yeah.

How excited do you think my dad is when he paid like $100,000 for my education? Then we just came up with fump. Well, if you, if you send him some of the responses in these emails, I think he'll be very proud of you. Yeah. But dad, look at all these fump responses we got. Look at all this. A fumped and a fump is good.

I only fump. Cause a fump sounds like a disappointment. It's a want want. Yeah. Like it's a disappointment to fump. Yeah. I, I wanted to dump, but I farted. I fumped.

Yeah. No, I think that, that works really good work. What's the expression? I'm okay. It was only a fump. Yeah. Right? Or could have been better.

But it was just a fump. It was just a fump. Yeah. No, you know what that is? I was hoping for more, but I fumped. It's just a fart. That's why, because you're saying I went to shit, but I just farted, then all you did was fart.

You didn't create anything new with a shirt. You're creating a new entity, correct? It's a fart with shit in it. But it's a fart that had expectations. So it's not just a fart. I mean, a fart's all that came out of you, but it's tied to a bigger idea. So you're saying we've created a third idea being the failed dump. The failed dump.

Yeah. So it's a fart that failed and it's mission to push out the shit, because it was my mother used to say, farts push the shit out. So when it fails, it's a failure fart, in other words. Yeah. Interesting. That's deep dog. We got to put this on the other show.

Yeah. It's pretty good, man. Well, let's take some submissions, guys. Write us and let us know your mom's podcast at gmail.com. What the word is for when you know house. It's your mom's podcast. Right. We couldn't get that one.

Yours. Speaking of farts. What's up, mommies? Here's an email. I recently had a shower time conversation with my beloved wife regarding a very special type of fart only experienced in shower time situations. I will tell you, after I told my wife I did this, she gave me the look like I crossed the line.

I guess I can only describe it as fart gargling and it's really special. Sometimes when I need to fart while showering, I gently cut my hand over my aspect, holding water in a cup-like fashion before letting loose the trumpets. This results in a gargle-like situation that is really neat. I'm telling my wife about this because I have never done it in front of her. She said, I must be the only one on earth that does such a thing. I can't be the only one. Please consult the mommies of the world.

I hope you zimzers keep it high and tight with your jeans in the clouds, PK. I'll tell you this, I've never done that, but I find it fascinating and I'm willing to bet there's a lot of listeners that either do that a version of that or have their own unique fart kind of situation. Of course. Now, didn't you do a thing where you played the trumpet, where you manipulated your butt cheeks and then made different sounds? I really like doing that.

I really like that. I like to move my leg and also play with my butt cheeks because the pitch will change. You can even do it by squatting because your cheeks will move as you move. If you have to bat the fart, you just do a half squat, you'll hear the pitch change. What's really interesting about you is that you're really a risk taker with these farts because personally, I'm afraid to move too much around because what if the brown comes down? I'm afraid.

I'm confident. When's the last time you sharded? It's been a little while, a year or two. I'm a little nervous to do all that fancy stuff now. I almost had a bad one. I had this upper respiratory infection a couple of weeks ago and I took an antibiotic that like is one of the side effects like you might get severe diarrhea, but I'm somebody that always on those side effect things just never gets.

I ignore them. Yeah. They used to do it. I got a harsh bout of it, so I had to quit the antibiotic. Two days later, it was still kind of filtering through me. I remember one of my first farts, I went for it. As I was going for it, I go, oh, you might have done that too soon and it still hung in there.

Interesting. Interesting. It was dicey. You know what I've been having lately? Remember when I first gave birth to Ellis, I couldn't hold in farts? It's kind of come back and I don't know why, but either that or I'm just not as concerned with who hears the farts anymore. I don't care.

Yeah. I've been farting very freely lately and it feels great. Yeah. I don't care. Can I tell you something Shana told me this weekend that was alarming? What? She said that in her world, the double pipe classic is not as rare as we say it is that she has them like every few months.

She doesn't know what she's talking about. That's what I said. Yeah. That's what I said. The double pipe classic is very rare. Right. It's probably thinking of like a one, two, but like an equal exit that's very rare. Well, to get the timing precise on something like that, it's really coincident.

A lot of people can go burp, fart, burp. Right. Burp, burp, burp. Right. You know, but to have them go, uh, at the same time. Very rare. It's very rare. And especially, you can try to force it.

You can swallow. That's not the same. It's not, that's not a true. It's not the nature of a double pipe. Yeah. Like you can be like, oh, I got a fart in the chamber. I know I'm about to fart. I'm gonna swallow some air.

Right. Yeah. Same thing. See, maybe that's what she's doing. Yeah. I feel like she's forcing the issue. I, I, Shana, I wonder if you're not, it has to be organic. That's the whole fun of the double pipe.

This is funny that this came in because blue band prepped this. Yeah. And he didn't even know what was going to happen today. And here's what I mean. Um, can you read that gene? It says, Hey, Hitlers, after living through the hashtag Thomas fat, bird is fat era. I've admitted that I too am fat. I have been as Chris Genzo would say, making fitness regularly.

So as an act of self bribery. Oh, sorry. Oh, Gene. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. So Ellis says no. Uh-oh.

Very cute. Okay. As an act of self bribery and motivation, if I go to the gym and make fitness every day in a month, I am rewarded with a new podcast t-shirt. May was my first month and I have ordered my brand new Stanama shirt. I look forward to sweating through it like a monster in seven to 10 ish days. Thanks mommies for keeping my humor in the toilet and my spirit's high as fuck. Stanama.

Shout out to my main genes, Mike, POP, holding it down. Also Tina, please come to Philly. I've seen Tommy and burnt and helium. I need some East Coast mainest mommy. Love wishing you both fours, Sarah. Thank you, Sarah. For you, Sarah, that you're working on your fitness. That's very great.

That's amazing. We've gotten people always weigh in. They tell us like, oh, I wish you did this, I wish you did that. With regard to shirts, one of the things we've heard a lot is I wish you had something for summer and I wish you had something for fitness. Right. And so we paid attention to it and now we have a new fitness shirt. It's a summertime kind of fitness shirt in that it is a tank top.

That is a little picture, so I'll see if I can bring up a bigger version of it. But basically, it is a tank top. It says I'm making fitness and it has an actual fitness dude making a kicky foot on it. We also did a women's version because people sometimes say like, oh, you only have men's. Look at that. It says I'm making fitness just like an Eastern blocker would say, yes, your mom's house underneath it. This guy's kicky footing.

I love it. You're making fitness. Try to make it so that you can wear it to make fitness in, you can wear it to the gym, but you can also wear it because it's about to be hot as fuck outside. And so this one, I wonder why you can't get this bigger. I wish they could see you. You look great. Let me see.

Oh, there I am. You're making your fitness, Jean. I did it in jeans so you could see how a real communist would work out in jeans in my tank top. Making fitness. Doing the Hex squat deadlift. By the way, super easy to lift that amount of weight for me. It's true.

Making fitness, making fitness, I'm making fitness. Go to, if you go to TomCigarette.com and you click on the store, you know, that's kind of a German thing. My grandmother used to say making stuff, like when you're not supposed to, like, when you make wake-ups, when you're making waking up and you're like, you don't have to make it. I guess in German, you know, they say you make. When I stand up in the morning, like, no, you get up. Also, do you remember, so crazy.

Remember last week, we played this? She said everyone celebrates getting together with someone and becoming married, but there's no milestone in society that celebrates escaping something awful or returning to your own happiness and contentment. It's just called living a good life. Because some people are. Erica Anderson, who, of course, lives in Brooklyn, also married herself. I think it's hard not to adopt whatever society's messages are.

So that was last week. Well, hey, mommies. I heard you guys talking about salogamene. It reminded me of this girl my girlfriend was telling me about. She is a part-time makeup artist. Anytime she and my girl work together, she comes home mentally drained. This lunatic apparently marries herself yearly. No.

This is a very expensive retreat she goes on and her and her sisters marry themselves in some group ceremony. This girl does not have any friends. Of course. And my girl feels bad for her. So she listens to her when she goes on these hour-long rants about how terrible her life is. She's a good-looking girl, but completely batshit crazy.

Yeah. Love the podcast. Anton. That's why. Because she's fucking crazy. Exactly. She wants to be with her. Yeah.

And that's why you marry yourself. Or your mom. Because nobody wants to marry you. Because your mom and you are the only two that think you're married material. Yeah. And she's bitches about her life. That's what he's saying. That she's in fucking unhappy twat.

It's so narcissistic, too, to, I'm going to marry myself. That's not the point. Especially to make people attend that. You should do that in silence. Oh, my God. You should go out in the woods and be like, yeah, this tree married me to myself. Yeah. That's it.

Be embarrassed. But don't have everybody come to that shit. No. You should be ashamed. And have the healthy amount of shame attached to that. Yeah. That's real crazy. I mean, isn't life about giving to other people?

Yeah. To your husband, to your wife, to your kids, to your dogs, to your cats, whatever. Yeah. It's about giving, not taking. You fuck. God damn it. We also, last week, it's fucking crazy. Selfish.

Fuck it. Don't marry yourself. Just keep fucking, fucking people till you find the one you love to marry. Yeah. You know, and the problem is they don't want to get their lives and they don't want to go to therapy to figure out why they're so miserable. Yeah. And instead they go, but I'm a strong woman.

Nobody can handle me. I'm so strong. Like no boo boo. Interesting accent. I'm a strong woman. Hmm. Why the hell they handle me? There's this.

Okay. I'll tell you why. There's a girl on Instagram. Yeah. There's a black girl who I follow and she's always posting that I like her post, but she's always complaining that men don't like her because she's so strong. No, that's cause you're coming across kind of shitty. You're out of your mind.

Yeah. Yeah. Last week, we also discussed, uh, we showed you Shaq's horrendous foot. Oh, his size 22 demon foot and that was fun. Uh, do you think his wife is a triple D slut since he's got Well, he's divorced 22 feet. So I don't know. He's divorced, but he's out there.

He plays the field. He has a good time. Girlfriends, but I also brought about the discussion that, um, maybe Shaq's dong. Yes. There's a cause there's been stories. You know, um, there's been stories that not that it's like a, you know, a baby dick, just that for being on a giant, right? Right.

It might not be in proportion. There's stories about this, really. Yeah. People I've heard room, like I've heard everything from like, it is really small to like, I actually got two sports reporters that I know texted me this week and they said, Hey man, I was listening to the podcast, I've seen Shaq naked multiple times and it is not small. Really?

Yeah. They're like, no, it's not small. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's good. I trust the sports reporter. Oh, I trust them over anyone, but we did get this email. Um,

Oh, how funny. I love to see Shaq's dick. Yeah. I wouldn't you. I'm so curious. Yeah, of course. Um, There's a few people I'd like to see their dicks.

Oh, there's a lot of people I want to see their dicks. Really? Who do you want to see besides most people? Me too. Yeah. I feel like I'd like to see people naked. I think I'd like to see their genitals. Yeah.

I think it, I think, I don't know. You kind of, but you know, what's funny is that any way that it comes across, you're going to have a spin. In other words, let's see you see somebody you're like, I've always wanted to see this person's dick or naked and they're super confident and they got a big dick. You're like, you're like, you'll tie it and you'll go, Oh, well, that's why he's so confident. But then the same guy could be super confident with a little one and it's like, I don't

know, does if it's little, you go, that's weird. He's confident, but it's not like it still goes one way or the other. Right? Like you don't really. Personality is not an indicator. It's not going to really, I think you make it, you make the assumption that it's the indicator, but I don't know that it necessarily is. That's my point.

Yeah. I hear you. I feel like I can tell what a girl's vagina will look like based on her face and her build. Like I can be like, oh, it's like a hanging one. I can tell you that confidence thing is not necessarily tied to that. To dick size. No, there's some insecure guys with big ones.

Truth. Truth. Because I've known both ways. Yeah. It's not, it's not. You're doing the full spectrum. Those big Puerto Rican hogs, those guys are full of confidence, but it's not correlated to confidence.

No. You don't think so? No. Because I've known guys that had a bit larger and they're totally weak and totally sad. And then I've known guys with small penis who are the most delightful, confident, caring, compassionate. How do you know about, how do you know these penises so well? I've had so many, so many.

So you had, you're saying that you've been with a guy? I've been with the spectrum. But you've been with guys that had big ones that were not confident? Yes. Really? The least confident of my boyfriends, the one who had the most emotional problems had a pretty girthy one on him. Really?

And you would never guess. Yeah. I guess, see, I don't, I don't find that now that I know things, not that, that shocking. Yeah. No, I'm seeing, I don't, I, it's not that shocking. Yeah. Well, cause there's other things that go into somebody's personality and, you know, they could have a childhood thing and it's really how you're raised.

They could be ridiculed for their girthy penis. I just think there's more than a guy's penile size that determines his emotional, mental personality. Well, here's an email about Shax. Okay. This thing is operating really slow today. I wish we could see people naked. Is there an app where you can like, you can guess what they look like naked?

Yeah. Porn hub. Is that where you go? Hey, Jeans. I recently heard a story about Shaq and his hog. Someone I know was at a urinal and none other than Shaq Diesel himself walked up and stood next to him, her Zimzer, please don't use the pronoun. He, she couldn't help but look over to witness what he thought was going to be a black iguana

hanging there. And to his surprise, it was a very average sized peener Shaq caught him, her looking and said crazy, right? Huge big words, right? Called himself huge big word with a tiny dick. In other words, he made light of it. An average dick on a monster definitely looks minuscule. Keep them high and tight and get it and get a hand job from your grandpa on a Ferris wheel

and fuck purified water. Slav, Sam. Thanks, Sam. Thank you. So I think, but I think that's where the rumors that I heard first came from. It's never that his was tiny is that he's a legit gigantic human being with a regular sized peener. Maybe it's not even regular.

Maybe it's definitely above regular, but that it's on a monster, right? He's seven one and in his retirement weight, he's probably three 40. That's crazy. I mean, that's, that's a guy that his head is probably near those lights up there. You know, and his, his width is it's, he's more than the width of that doorframe. So somebody like that, you're like, Oh my God, I mean, it's, it should look like a fucking like one of these poll posts right here. You know, right?

So that's what I think it comes from. Well, Shaquille, if you're listening, if you go ahead and send us a picture of your dick, that'd be great. He would show it to you in person. I'm sure. Or just come over and show us your dick. I don't know if he'd do that. But I think if you were to track him down, he has an LA residence, but he lives primarily

in Florida. Okay. Well, just fly over and show us your dick. Nope. There you heard it. Shaq. Hopefully we can never know, but many famous people listen to our show. That's true.

Shaquille could be listening right now. If I see that, then I'm going to be like, God damn it, they were nice. They were nice. I'm going to set it off, set it off and set it out. This I got. Oh my God. This, I can't help, but, but just almost weep when I see things like this. And this is where I am the biggest advocate for ending your own life is when I see things

like this. This is a roll call at some job orientation. You're supposed to say your name and you say like what your interests are and you have to do it while you're clapping and singing. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out.

I'm out. I think right then I stand up. This is what white people do right then. I'd be like, yeah, I'm quit. Even if you were texting me like the baby needs diapers. There's no food at home. I'd be like, I'm going to go rob somebody right now. I think this is why we dropped out of the system.

It's, it's exactly meetings like this that a team building things, God, clapping at quarterly earnings. Oh my God. Yeah. Blow my fucking brains out. Or the worst is like, if somebody wrote, what would you do if you were a in the audience? No. If you were forced to do a Shibuya roll call, I wouldn't do it.

I'd go to the bathroom and hide. Yeah. I'd be like, I have diarrhea. I can't do the Shibuya roll call. Shibuya. Like team building days where they'd make you do like trust falls and all those things are, they do. They love that team thing, man.

Fuck off. But it's so demeaning. Can't you just pay me my check and let me go home? I know a couple people at work at Whole Foods and it's all about the team, the team leader will be here later. Fuck you. I had some question for the guy. He goes, well, our team leader will be here in a little bit and I was like, who fucks

your team leader? Well, he's the general manager. Yeah. Okay. It's a fancy word for general manager. You're not a team. This is not a fun thing. A team implies fun.

Yeah. That we're all going to be planning a sport later. Well, that's the psychology of it. Right. To make you think you're having fun. Right. And that we're all in this together. And we're all equal.

There's no hierarchy. Yeah. Yeah. Right. There's this little hierarchy where the CEO gets stock options. But yeah. Well, you get minimum wage. It's cool, right?

But you're a team member. We're all part of the team, man. Yeah. We're all part of the team. Holy shit. He gets to wear jeans on Friday. Oh, Bree. Yeah.

Bree and Chelsea so far. Yeah. Oh, my fuck. My name is Bree. I mean, this guy, I feel like I can see him smiling. I don't even know how you're smiling. There's all dudes that are like, oh boy, do I have to really do this? I think they think that it's that they're getting to watch cute girls and they're like,

oh, cool. Right. And they're like, no, no, you're participating in this. Now. Oh my God. You're going to do this. My name is Chelsea. Yeah.

I like the pirates. Yeah. That's what they're doing. My name is Bree. Yeah. I'm glad you're here. Yeah. I'm just going to hug.

Yeah. I love to cuss. Oh, cuss. This is so embarrassing. Oh, this is Price Waterhouse Cooper. I love to dance. Yeah. I think I'm good.

Yeah. You see a chance. Oh, cuss. Oh, my God. This is a big company. This is terrible. Look at how depressing it is to under these horrible neon lights, you know, these depressing office lights.

Damn it. You know what I mean? Isn't work hard enough for people? Like, isn't it enough that you have to wake up every morning, traffic, sit there, work hard, sit in traffic, go home, do it again five days a week, and then they have to demean you with these fucking meetings and make you sing like a donkey? It is demeaning. It's demeaning.

Let these people just do their job and go home. Why do you have to fuck with them? I don't know. Have some respect. My name is Tom. Yeah. Yeah. I got a shit.

Yeah. Shrimp last night. Yeah. Yeah. It's going to come out my dick. Yeah. It's kabooya. Kabooya.

My name is Christina. Yeah. Nothing rhymes with Christina. Great job. I got tits. Yeah. Go down to my knees. Yeah.

I like to shit. Yeah. I like to sneeze. Yeah. What do you say? It's so dumb. What are you going to share? Like your intimate thoughts with people?

I like baseball. Yeah. I like to dance. Give me a chance. That was so fucking. Fuck with my ass, man. That's what I would say. I like to fart.

Yeah. And smell it too. Yeah. I cut my farts in the shower. How about you? My name is Tom. Yeah. Yeah.

This is a can. Yeah. I'll say it once. Yeah. Fuck with my ass, man. And then they just stop clapping and they're like, I'm sorry. They're like, what did you say? I want you to fuck me in my ass, man.

I just end the whole thing and they're like, hey, you got to get out of here. You're fired. You're fired. I thought it was my first day. Wait. Shabuya. Shabuya. Dumb shits.

Shabuya. Shabuya. What a fucking. I hate stuff like that. Shabuya. It's really. What a fucking nightmare. Yeah.

I don't know. It's fine. It seems really slow today. I finger myself in the shower. Yeah. Yeah. I spread my butt cheeks. I say, yeah.

You're gonna say, yeah. Yeah. I'm playing with my daughter all the way. I spread my butt cheeks. Yeah. I wipe it hard. Yeah. I shit on a bidet.

Yeah. I push and push. Yeah. Like a tard. Yeah. Make a bridge and get over it. My name is Tom. I'm fucking.

I'm proud to have come out as polyamorous. And now I'm excited to share that I'm bisexual. Aw, thank you for sharing, Tom. Oh, that would be great if he's like, I'm polyambi. Yeah. I'm also, what did he say? I'm also non-binary. Yeah.

What's your pronoun? You could just ruin. Like if you had a bunch of people and they were cute up to say fucked up things, you could ruin their whole thing. That would be fantastic. That'd be the only way to get through this. Incorporate oppression. Yeah.

My name is Tom. Yeah. Yeah. I like fun times. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to get married. Yeah.

To my mom. What? I'm going to marry my mom soon. Yeah. My name is Christina. Yeah. I'm not that dumb. Yeah.

I drink a lot of con. F-A-R-T. Good job. I'm going on a come strike. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Christina.

Jesus. F-A-R-T. I'm going on a come strike. I think if you did that, if like if you said, they wouldn't be able to throw you out, they'd have to like respect. You know what I mean? It's respect your pronoun. They have to respect your pronoun.

And also like if you were like, yeah, I'm really going on this come strike, they'd have to go like, Jesus Christ. Like we can't fire her because there'd be a lawsuit, you know? Oh yeah. Yeah. That'd be fun. I know. Everybody's so fucking afraid of everybody.

Yeah. Yeah. I like blue. Yeah. There's one more thing. I don't like Jews. Hey guys, why'd you stop clapping? Hello.

And they're like, um, see that one they'd fire you for. And you're like, you're definitely not here. Well, no, they'd fire you for the other one. If you're like, my name is Tom. Yeah. I could be bigger. Uh, yep. God damn.

I don't like. Go ahead. I'm not saying it. Why? So that they get remixed in a next week's song. There's all kind that you have said before. I know, but I can't do that. How come?

Because there's too many out there of me saying it. There's too many. No, there's not. Yeah. No, there's not. There's too many. What are you talking about? Go for it.

No, you go for it. No, you go for it. You go for it. You go for it. You go for it, Kathy Griffin. No way. She doesn't say that. Go for it.

Kathy's too sweet. Happy birthday to Nicholas. Happy birthday to Nicholas. Nicholas. Nicholas. Happy birthday to you, Nicholas. Happy birthday to you. Okay.

I couldn't believe that she was saying that. I really, in my brain, I was like, it's Nicholas. There's no way anybody can say what she's saying. Oh, God. Oh, God. That's the wrong thing. Oh, my God. Hey, Hitler.

Hey, Hitler. I wonder how Danny acts are doing. I wonder, we got to find her and see what she's doing. Danny? Yeah. I don't know what she's doing. Hey, Hitler. Nathaniel.

Nathaniel is trying to... Actually, the place I want to shit is not on your mouth, but around your mouth. This is what I was looking for. This is what I was looking for here. Oh. That was the original. That is. That was the original Depress Incorporate.

Yeah. I couldn't find this. God, that was terrible. That was crazy. That was the worst. Sharing the things you like. Oh, my God. Yes.

I love it. Let's play it. Let's play it. This is the worst work orientation thing ever. I love it. I love it. I love it. Work orientation thing ever.

Things you like. This is at a big corporate retreat. I'm showing you things you like. Try to get engagement. There's some photos from my life. My cat, my kiss, I'm baking. I'm brewing milk, stir myself. And throw it to the world.

You help me grow my clothes. I promise that I'll share yours. Ready? So connect with me. Let's have some fun. Let's show the world how this gets done. Let's get social. Social.

With social media. Let's get social. Social. With social media. Good job. Good job, guys. Where we can spread the word And grow our reach

And find our fans and guide us in Let's get social. Social. With social media. We're searching for the story That'll bring us instant fame So we shoot our viral video And we post it to the gram

The gram. Nobody calls it that. For the secret of Facebook's holy grail. What? We try to keep from picking on That leads to hashtag sales. Oh my God. Connect with me.

Let's have some fun. Let's show the world how this gets done. Let's get social. Social. With social media. That's the guy that wrote it. That guy. The other guy, yeah.

Yeah, he takes full credit. Remember in the beginning's leg. Yeah, I wrote this. Yeah. That's my orientation class. You guys ready? You guys want to work here? Everybody line up.

Get down. Get down. Oh yeah. It's good, doesn't it? Yeah. I feel like this is how Blue Band got hired. This was his hazing. Oh my God.

Blue Band has to deal with all this. Enough. Fine. Okay, would you rather be in that room smelling all those smells? Ugh. You don't have to fuck anybody, but that's your orientation,

is watching guys fuck each other and you smell it. Or it's the Shibuya orientation. Oh, fuck. Now be real. Think about this. So either be in a bukkake room and you just...

You're close. How close are you? You're right in the mix. You're this close to guys fucking and sucking and growl. But you're not participating. No, you don't have to. You don't have to.

It's an orientation to work. You're going to start working at this company and this is what they sell at these videos, but they want you to be familiar with the products. You have to sit through a live filming. Or... Or it's the Shibuya song and you work at this company

and you got to fucking do the roll call. Yeah. Here's my choice. Definitely watch that. Any day. Definitely. I would watch guys butt fucking shitting or smearing the shit on their faces.

They're like, hey, my name is Kaylee and I like a good time. No, fuck that. I like the cubs. Wow, Kaylee. You really dug deep on them. Yeah.

I can't wait for all of us to get to do that. They never share anything truly interesting either. No. It's all surface level. Like, I like the color blue. Everybody does dipshit. So one of the... I know it's fucking so stupid.

One of the... What do you masturbate to, Kaylee? I do that. You remember we watched the... One of the origins of getting Dampena into our world was finding him on these interviews and talking about like, I'm not a cunt.

You're a cunt, Brian. Brian, yeah, Brian. And this is why you're fucking poor. You're the cunt, Brian. So that guy has a show. I think it's called London Real. Yes. And he had on this sexual...

I don't know. The tantric kind of teacher. Like the guru. Yeah. And so I haven't seen this yet, but there's clips of this guy breaking down. You're very handsome. What's that?

You're very handsome. Thank you. You're cute. I think you're very beautiful. I like you. I like you too. Can you marry me? Sure.

Maybe we can do... Why don't we practice what this guy teaches? I have no... I really have no idea what he's talking about. I hope it's good. And so the women practice on the egg, what do the men do? Oh, boy.

The men, the first thing, they have to practicing what we call sharpening their knife. I have no idea what that is. I think I know. So the whole key is very simple. You get an oil. We call it the baby oil.

Baby oil. Baby oil. And you put it in. And now you put the peanuts to warm up. In the cold winter, you warm them up. You get a hot towel. Okay. And you make it warm.

Okay. And you put it here. Make sure all the blood flow. Okay. So far, I like... Oh, no. I like what he's going with so far. He's putting a hot towel on his peener.

Which is great. Warm up your dung. Warm it. A warm towel, not a hot. Yeah, well, okay. I'm going to burn your dick. Get some blood in there. Now you get the peanuts out.

Yeah. You pull the skin. A lot of people, they never circumcise skin. Circumcise skin. So you pull the skin, and you get the oil in the hand, and you rub. Hand cold like this.

You rub. Rub. Rub. Rub. Especially on the gland penis. Rub them. I'm throwing up. 50 times.

50 times. Because you make them strong and not sensitive. Assholes. Okay. So you're... He said the glands, which is near the tippy top, you know?

Right? They're right below the tippy top. That's your glands. Right? 50 times. One... 50 times. Right side.

50 times. Left side. 50 times front. 50 times back. 50 times down. I love that. It keeps... Okay.

How often am I doing this? You have to do every day until you can control. Every day. Every day. I don't think anybody can rub themselves that much. Assholes.

So I'm sharpening the knife. Just sharpening the knife. Okay. If you don't sharpening the knife, there's the number one. Oh, boy. Number two, you have to learn how to

contracting the prostate gland. Oh, Jesus. How do you learn to contract your prostate gland? God damn it. I have a feeling it's going to be gruesome. Do you want me to start doing this? Why not?

I don't think you can control yourself. What? 50, 50, 50. That's like 200 strokes on that thing and nothing happens. No way. No way. It's not possible, dude.

Now, the anus is a different thing. Okay. So people cannot separate and they don't know and they squeal on the anus. They just don't work because they're anus. So when you contract the prostate gland,

because male G-spot is in prostate gland. Right? No. So when you contract the prostate gland in the front and you feel energy activate here. So you contract and you feel here activate.

Now you do it right. Now, would you have sex with this guy? No, no. But just because you know he knows so much. No. No. No. Take away.

No. Just listen. Take away. I'm just saying there's no marriage vows involved. It's just like on a physical level. This guy is a sex guru. No.

But what if you are promised Listen, one of your friends goes I was with Kim here and I I didn't know his name was Kim. I don't. I had an earth shattering orgasm. Like I came

to the point where I was just like I was screaming. I had my leg kick through a wall and I wept for an hour and it was the greatest feeling I've ever had in my life. I can set you up with him. I can set you up with him.

I can set you up with him. Would you? Here's why I'm going to decline respectfully. Because I can't get over this guy aesthetically. Now you put him in Ryan Gosling's body. Yeah.

Absolutely. But no, but that's the thing though is what I'm saying is let's say somebody isn't to the eye a 10 and stunning to you. But their their ability is through the roof.

Yeah, but for me sex is mental. So if I'm not mentally attracted physically attracted I can't even get there. He goes lay here. Close eye. Coroza your eye.

No, he doesn't say it like that. He just says close eye. Close eye. Close eye. Right. So you have a little blindfold on. I don't like it. And then he's just like

I don't like it. I don't like it. I can't believe you don't want this. I don't like him. I don't like the vegan vagina guy. I don't like creepers. He's a creeper dude. He's nice guy.

He's not a nice guy. When many ejaculation the pressure of the ejaculation is from the prostate contract. Okay. So I'm exercising now. Exercise.

For people have prostate swollen up or problem this one will solve the problem. Okay. Just that contract. But you need 300 times. 300. 300 times.

These guys are just you know what they're called? Perverts. I eat the ass and pussy all the time. I got nothing. They're perverts. These are guys who like to jerk their cock 24 seven

and he jerks his dick so much that he thinks he's a guru. Like he's an expert on Jack and Dick. You think this is just a Dick Jacker? Yes. All these people are just

overly horny. Now the question is for me. Would I let this guy Jack my dick? Yes. Because he's so good at it and the answer is a resounding yes. Okay.

How about this? Let's say it's a woman. We put this guy Let's say it's him. In butt. Yeah. It's like an old ass woman.

It's like the would you marry your mom, mom. That's the lady who's got to give you a hand job. Would you marry her? Oh, right. Right. It's her.

If I'm being told this is the greatest thing ever. Sure. Sure. It wouldn't. She wouldn't bother you. No. Not rapping.

I mean, if I'm looking at her yeah, but what if she's just like, you lie here, you know, he's and he comes in, he goes cover. I close. Close. I more pressure.

Yeah. And he's like, yeah, I don't know if he's known us to talk like that. Yeah. You like laughing. Jesus. What?

You right. More pressure. Yeah. I think I would. I think so. I think it would be awesome. You want stretch? What do they do?

Those fucking time places. You want stretch? No. How much do you hate it when they stretch you at the time? Hate it. Hate it. Stop stretching me.

It's the least relaxing thing. And they also forget. Because sometimes if I go, I'll be like, hey, no stretching. And they go, no stretching. No, I don't want to be stretched. And then they can't believe it. 30 minutes in, there's like

my legs move. I go, hey, hey, and they're like, oh, yeah, no stretching. I hate that. And you know what I also hate when they crack your knuckles, when they pull your fucking fingers out of the joints, like,

dude, stop, stop. That doesn't feel good. I know. Are they pull your toes and everything? Yeah. Knock it off. And now you do it until

you feel orgasm. Okay, I'm going to throw it up. Okay. Orgasm without ejaculation. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. Okay. So you feel, so you see,

when you do, when you get it, it's very quick. Two, three times, you get it. Oh, boy. Look at that. When you squeeze, it's the orgasm coming up. Throw up.

How do you even watch this guy? That was awesome. So disgusting. That was awesome. He was like... And now you do it until you feel orgasm. Fuckin' yoda dripping off.

No. Orgasm without ejaculation. Please don't make me watch. So you feel, so you see, when you do, when you get it, it's very quick. Two, three times, you get it. Please.

Oh, God. Oh, my God. You blow up. Oh, my God. When you squeeze, it's the orgasm coming up. So disgusting. He looks like Yoda, doesn't he?

And he sounds like Yoda. This guy started to laugh, too. He's like, I'm watching you come. When you squeeze, it's the orgasm coming up. Shabuya. I picture the two of you together when he does that.

I picture him going... And you're like, oh, yeah. Yeah. Shabuya. Shabuya. I squeezed my dick. He's nasty as hell. Oh, Yoda, motherfucker.

You can imagine hearing that sound on Tom. Yeah. That's what you were hearing, Tom, when you were with him, though. That's what you're going to hear. I know. Rock, rock, rock.

That's what he's doing. Tom, yeah. Rock, rock, rock. What if he just comes? And then you're like, what about me? He's like, no, I'm done. He's like, you cream... Especially on the grand penis.

I'm going to throw up. Yeah. What if you had to get a massage and he's your massage therapist, but then that's the finale to it? He comes. So the finale is he's like... You're like, what's going on?

He's like, I'm done. But it's like the best massage in the world. You just have to watch him come. Thank you, sir. Yeah, seriously. What if... Really, let's consider it. What if he gives a really good massage,

but then at the end, he comes like... I think I'm fine with it. It doesn't come on me, right? No, it's that invisible come that he's... That he was just doing. Yeah, I'd be like, all right. Because if it was the best one ever,

you would be in such a relaxed state. You know what happens in that relaxed state? You're cool with more. In other words, you're like... You're down with whatever somebody wants to do. So if he's like, now I'm going to come, you'd be like, all right. Okay.

Okay, what if it's not a massage? But wait, don't wait. Close your eyes. I don't want to close my eyes. No, I don't want it. Close your eyes. I don't like him. Close your eyes.

All right. Right now, you're in such a relaxed state. You're in such a relaxed state. You're barely on the brink of consciousness. You're like jello. And he goes... He goes, this is the end of the recession. And you go, oh, thank you.

And he goes, now I will wait outside the room with hot tea. And you go, okay. And then he goes... That's all you hear. And then he just came. Why don't you like that? It's nice.

He's so creepy. Okay, what if... Listen to this. Okay, what if he's a chef and he makes the most awesome food? It's a personal chef and he's over at our house and he's making you like an exotic seven course meal. But the payment is you have to watch him come like that.

And he stands there. You're done eating. Wait, so he goes... Now you're Bill. Now you're... Oh, okay. And he stands there and he gets totally naked and you watch him do the 50, 50, 50 lingam thing.

Yeah. And then he... And the grand finale is he comes on your lap. Wait, why does he have to come on your lap? That's just part of his thing. That's payment for dinner. He comes on your thighs? Yes.

You've got the dinner napkin. You've got the dinner napkin there. You finish your meal. But at the grand finale, he's like, did you like that meal? You go, yeah. He goes, now I have to... Now the payment is now.

And he goes, open your eyes. Watch me come. And then he goes 50. So it's one, two, three, four, five, eight. And he does it 50 times. And then he does his anal glands. And then he comes. Then he goes, enjoy your meal.

Yeah. That's it? Well, you have to watch it. You have to watch every stroke, every... How good is the dinner? It's so good. It's like a really Michelin star. 100% watch it.

I would 100%. Wouldn't you? Yeah. That's not a lot to pay for a good meal. But you're watching that guy come and stroke his dick for... I mean, that's 300 strokes. It's going to be a while. Here's what I would ask.

Can I eat dessert through that? And now you do it until you feel orgasm. Oh, right now? He's like, it's called orgasm without... You like? Right. You like? So you feel...

So you see, when you do... Keep looking. You just had dinner. Okay, I'm done. I gotta pay for dinner. When you squeeze, it's the orgasm coming up. I gotta pay for this meal. So would you do that?

Yeah. That's not that much to pay for a really good dinner. Thank you. But I don't understand why you wouldn't let him make love to you. What? You're gonna have a great time. No, I don't like it. I'm very selective of who I let do that to me.

Call me crazy. 50 times one right side. 50 times left side. 50 times front. This is your payment. 50 times back. 50 times down. That's a lot.

That's a lot of runs. How often am I doing this? You have to do it every day until you can control. Every day. So this dude can really fuck, though. Stop it. I'm serious. He can really fuck.

He's nasty as hell. He's not fucking nobody. He's jerking his dick 300 times a day. If he were fucking on the regular, he wouldn't be doing this. Hog stroking. Oh, my God. That's my new favorite sign on this. Stop.

It's horrible. It's so horrible, vegan vagina. I don't know what's worse. The vegan vagina guy or this guy? I hate them both. Now, a vegan vagina guy is way worse. He's nasty. All right.

All right. We got to go. God, that's so gross. I'm so disappointed. I'm so angry we closed on him. It's hot. We got to go swimming. It is not hot.

It's hot outside. In here, it's freezing. My feet are cold. I'm staying outside. We're going to go swimming now. Okay. I love you. Can we get snusci?

Okay. Let's see. Here we have here. This guy is nasty as hell. Big tits fart song by Bizarre Theory. Cool. All right. I like it.

Thanks for listening to the show. Please go to yourmomshousepodcast.com. My mom's house, Palmcast. My mom's house, Palmcast. And for Christina, go to 1000 Ranch.com. Palmcast. And for mine, Tomcigarette.com. Thanks again.

Palmcast. Palmcast. And that's it. Thanks, guys. Thanks, Gene. Yeah. Nice job, guys. Thanks, guy.

Jared Kushner. Yeah. Why do you... Why are you saying giraffe? Right. He's just not in it. Jared Kushner. Holy shit.

I didn't talk with that. Just forever. What you doing? I thought he breathed in. Okay. I could have a fart while we do this shit. Oh, please don't. I can't hop it.

Do that. Does it smell bad, man? It smells like a sewage canal. What the fuck is that? Well, he farted in the car when we were on the way to the country club. Farted? Loudly. Oh, my God. Remember when they farted in front of our nanny? Don't do that.

To me, it just smells normal. We all have our own fingerprint in the intestines, okay? Immediately go to a doctor. Seriously? How do you like your new bra? Can you hear my dad breathing? Loudly. I was running out of my life at 74C.

And I felt the pain. It's like me. Sloppers like me? She like... From one to two. I am sexy. They're not flying all over and jumping up and down the way we like. If you google G-boogs, you'll find her.

You'll find some. Okay. Is that true? I'm a wizard. You want to get into the real tense. You gotta go to Google. European bra sizes versus American. Okay.

The bra that's ill-fitting is exciting to him because his tits are falling out of it. He wants them spelling out. Interesting. Can you show me how it tastes fried? Take some fried tummy. People want to know if you can show them how those big tits fart. Yeah, they can be serious?

Yeah. Big tits farting? Wait, let's take a picture. Are there five? Can you burn a fire? Can you really burn? Hard! Ha-ha-ha!