Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 404-Sam Tripoli-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: July 12, 2017

When Tommy boy arrived in Los Angeles with hope in his eyes, it was Sam Tripoli who made Tom sit on the casting couch and earn his stage time thru butt spreads and oral favors. Kidding! That's a dream (for both guys).  Sam Tripoli is a tornado on stage and off. Check out his new double album, The Diabolical and his numerous podcasts, including Punch Drunk and his new conspiracy theory podcast, Tin Foil Hat.  We go hard on this one and big laughs are had the whole way around. 

yeah oh we're not recording these that's all right just make sure you're recording right now they can hear you say behind the scenes you guys you just got an in-depth look at the show showbiz I'm in the dirty dirty tonight I'm in Virginia Beach tomorrow Greensboro Glint Greensboro whole greens how are Friday I'm in Asheville North Carolina and Saturday I'm in Charles's come South Carolina I like Charles's come yeah it's fine and I'm home for a week then I do Montreal I'm in Hampton Beach Wilmington Delaware and Balls and Horrors Maryland then I go to mom's Strelia Brisbane Melbourne Sydney Perth

and my dog will bark right on Perth every time loves Perth she loves Perth so I'm looking forward to going back to Australia been a long time thank you all of you that are coming to the shows the fall tour is all on sale at Tom Segura dot com slash tour bunch of cities man I you've probably seen me post about it but it's you know Denver Oakland Toronto Indianapolis Austin San Antonio it's all there I'm doing New York it's all there so go to Tom Segura dot com and check out the fall dates Indian apple tits Indian apple tits Gene what do you got right now I'm kind of chilling I'm only doing St. Louis

Tyrion St. Louis tits St. Louis tits at the here in Kamini Cran September 22nd and 23rd what no I'm doing my Kim Jong-un impression God and that's it than that I'm just kind of hanging out the comedy store every Saturday I like to do that 730 show in the OR that's my jam right there sensible people go to a 730 comedy show I was at the store last night it's so it's fantastic it's like the best place in the world right now really crazy everybody who's anybody is at the store such an energy there so yes everybody seriously the best of the best are hanging out there if you're visiting LA I recommend stopping into

the comedy store on any night like you can see ballers going up on a Monday night you can see you know Bill Burr Tom Segura Ali Wong Joseph Rogan Rogan Joseph Rogan all your hits Joey Diaz like on a Monday a Tuesday it's a fantastic that's it otherwise guys please if you're shopping on Amazon and you're a fan of your mom's house do us a solid and please shop using our banner go to your mom's house podcast.com click on the banner at the bottom of the homepage do your shopping as you normally would it just kicks back some change the show and also if you're in the UK or Canada you can use our Amazon

banners now as well thank you that is true Jean just shop through that banner and it helps the show it's how Rachel is over talking about that. Are you guys ready to start the show? it's so major. There we go. I think man milk Mondays is the best day of the week and the sexiest also because man milk is really the most powerful way to start your day it's full of vitamins and proteins that makes you really strong and also very very happy. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this.

Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura. Christina Pajitz and Christina Pajitz. Welcome to your mom's house. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. No, no, no. I said, man milk Monday. Hey guys, Nicky, we can use so I think man milk Mondays is the best day of the week. What's wrong with her mouth? Yeah, what's wrong with her mouth? What's happening? It's a she's doing it on purpose.

Right. It's like a sexy thing to do. She's over over pronunciating, pronunciating, pronunciating the word. I see this a lot on Instagram stories and on general on the internet. A lot of girls like to talk even sexier and they like to freeze their face only to talk with her mouth. I was watching, I won't, I won't call out who, but she was doing a video and her whole face was frozen. Comedian or no? Yeah. And but it just, just the bottom jaw moved. It was very creepy. Oh, I already know. I already know who this is. Cause we're talking about a guy that looks like her. He's a guy that looks like her. Yeah. And I, and I'm sure there's, you know, reasons for it. Oh, there's reasons. Yeah. Yeah. Which I do too. I'm not throwing stones cause I've done,

I've injected things into my face, but, but the whole thing is just so sexy. I honestly believe that if everybody started their day with man milk, we could potentially achieve world peace because after you have it, you're just so happy and energetic. Yeah, this chick is what's up dude. She's promoting man milk. This is funny because I, I do think a lot of women think that if they act this way, that like they're going to win a lot of male approval. Yeah, they are. But it's, but the, but is she really winning your heart and mind or is it, is it working is what I'm saying? Yes. What are you talking about? This works. Wait, how is this not working?

What part of you thinks this is not working? I mean, could she marry you based on her man milk Mondays? My mom, I'd marry her in a second. What about your brother? Would you marry your brother? If she looked like, if he was like this, yeah. I want to be non binary. Did she do the top teeth and not the bottom teeth? Oh, did she just bleach the tops? Look kind of looks like it in this frame. Hey, just for a dental, I mean, I'm, this isn't, this is not an official dental update. Just jump into a dental. I'm not gonna. That's why I'm saying it's not officials is off the record. Yeah. You have a cleaning coming up Monday. Oh, you're doing, and you're doing the laser whitening the same day. Okay.

How is this not an official dental update? I'm sorry. I mean, how is it not? I'm sorry. I just got excited and I, my brain is working slowly today. I'm so sorry. Okay. I'm sorry. Do you want to search for the, I don't have to search for it. Stinger, whatever it's called. Stinger. It's right here, but I don't know why you would ignore our agreements. Dental updates are dental updates from dental time only. You know, what you're doing is wrong. I'm sorry. Well, because that's really your dental update, not mine. That's why I don't want to, I like this music. Yeah. I'm going on. Kind of feeling it today. On Monday, I'm doing a double whammy, teeth cleaning and whitening. And I have cautioned you and I really wish you would take my word of caution that that's a lot of painful shit in one day.

I'm not a woman. I don't have bad days. Well, that's my favorite thing that he's ever said. It was awesome. Yeah. So I'm serious though. That shit hoits. You're gonna feel it. You're gonna feel that laser whitening. I don't know why I'm doing it though. Yes, because you have yellow buttery popcorn teeth. No, they're beautiful and they're nice, but they're not. They're not. I'm not going to make two trips. I'm doing it for my own because I know myself. So it's like you have me there. I'm like, just sign, sign me up for it. And I made the same exact mistake when I had my crown put on. And then I go, yeah, I'm already there. Why not? That's why I tapped out of the whitening early. Yeah, because I was overwhelmed with pain. You know why you were overwhelmed with pain though? You haven't been having your man milk. I understand that not everybody is in a relationship, but get a boyfriend, get a girlfriend, have fun, life is short, have sex.

But of course, be safe. Don't get an STD out there. Protect yourself, have a safe partner, but definitely enjoy life. Man milk is so amazing. It's so amazing. It is amazing. Many of you have been saying, but it's not vegan. And technically it's not vegan because it is an animal product as humans are mammals. But if you look up the definition of vegan, it's actually about not taking advantage of the animals and not using their products, stealing away really their products from your own benefits. But if you're a girl and you have a boyfriend and he gives you his man milk, you're not taking advantage of anybody. If anything, it is a win-win situation. So technically, it's safe guys. I kind of feel like I would like to start maybe that position, maybe start that movement.

That man milk is vegan and it is harmful to the mammal. And that you're taking my product, my male product. You know what, I can't help but think of our initial business proposal of Com Gum. And didn't we do one too, like the pump station where you could go and you could have different races and they would come and then you could choose your flavor like a Latin guy's jizz or black guy. I think it's part of Com Gum or one of your own fantasies. But Com Gum was to have different flavors from different men. In the middle of the gum, like that tidal wave or choules.

You have this new pump station fantasy that I didn't know about. No, we came up with this ages ago. I remembered the pump station. No, it's not called the pump station. It's called, it was like Jamba Juice. And it was like different cum smoothies and it was different guys. Okay, it's ringing a bell. But Com Gum is all these different guys of different races are dumping their loads and getting gum out of it. And it's like Mentos where you can buy everybody's race.

You think CBS is watching this conversation right now or no? And they're like, what about these two for a new sitcom? And they're like, yeah, let's check them out. And then we're talking to like, oh, who else is out there? There's something not right. Something wrong. Yeah, so I mean, she's a really cool chick though. I like her. I think she's cool. Yeah, I think the veganism angle is very important.

You know, I never really thought of the fact that you were totally taking advantage of me, but I will say that she is enlightening me in that regard. So what are you saying that you want back payment for all the free loads? Well, I just feel like, you know, that you're just using me as an animal for this product. And that that is a, I mean, it's a level of disrespect. It's a level of manipulation. And I just deserve credit for, and maybe, maybe I would like you to stop taking advantage of me. You know, maybe that's what I'm saying.

Well, we have, what have we used your product for other than making our son? I mean, I don't really use your product for much else. You use it on Mondays to feel good, to feel powerful, feel strong. Nothing makes you feel as strong as you said. It's the best part of your week. I never said that. I never said that before. Thank you. Thank you.

So I think man milk Mondays is the best day of the week in the sex is also because man milk is really the most powerful way to start your day. It's full of vitamins and proteins that makes you really strong. She's just chugging loads all the time. I mean, this is so happy about it. Master of accents. What is this accent that she has? She says vitamins.

So we know we're... Vitamin. We're talking mom's Australia, maybe New Zealand, maybe England. No. Maybe who else is vitamins? It's, it's like a British thing. Yeah, but she doesn't have the accent anywhere else. No, but she talks, she does talk weird.

It's not American. Let's see if you can detect something here and by weird, I mean, not American. You can enjoy that man milk. Drink it. Slurp it. You're a vegan. Enjoy that man milk. Drink it.

Slurp it. Suck it. Lick it. Did I say lick it already? I only enjoy it guys and have a happy milk, man milk Monday. Hopefully you guys all get a little bit of man milk out of your system and into your girlfriends or boyfriends and vice versa. Enjoy each other guys.

My, my theory is that she's European, but she moved many years ago to like Canada or the US. Yeah. And so she has a hint of an accent. Maybe she moved when she was like nine or 10. Yes. But she's, But there's something there. Yeah, there's something there.

Vitamin. So maybe to the Canadians say vitamin. No, I don't think so. But no, I say vitamin Z. Yeah. Wait a minute. I'm Canadian. I should know this.

You are Canadian. In Ontario, we didn't take vitamins. No. No. And Windsor, that's where I was born. Drink it. Slurp it. Suck it.

We drink beer for vitamins. Yeah. And Windsor. Man milk. It's really the most powerful way to start your day. That's so stupid. So dummy. Cool.

What are you talking about? What a dope. What a dope. She's so disrespectful. You're so jealous there. I am. I'm so envious. I cannot stop thinking and we haven't been able to stop making fun of the moos soup lady.

Oh my God. Come on over for the moos soup. That was one of the most amazing women people ever to appear on the show ever. Come down there for moos soup. Yeah. She's incredible. OMG. People have sent in their photo submissions of what they imagined that she looks like

and they're out of control. I've retweeted a few of them. Amazing. Amazing. Have you seen what they've said? No. Let me see if I can pull one out. No, but it's really, someone wrote in and they're like, we, in Canada, we have these types

of people. They live on the river and they're like, they claim to be broke, but they can afford water toys a lot, which I thought was, that's like, it's so indicative, right? Like I'm poor, but I can afford like a jet ski and a boat. All right. All right. Let's see this one. I've seen her.

That was great. This one. Louis Anderson from the, what's the? Chuckles or something. No, man. The, the, the, the Gelfanakis show. Yeah. That's so funny.

Oh man. Louis Anderson in that show is like, and it, like it's perfect. You guys coming down from. So amazing. You guys coming down there when you do. I feel like, man. I'm down there for moose soup. I feel like.

God. I feel like she, you could probably charge for it. I feel like she could charge for it. I feel like she could charge for it. I feel like she could charge for it. I feel like. God. I feel like she could probably charge her with sex crimes.

Yeah. You know, I can almost hear the, the prosecutor. Yeah. Um, saying like, uh, defendant, your honor, came over to my victim, forced herself upon him and did horrific things that frankly, we do not want even describe here in this courthouse dirty bitch. Yeah. It's like there's, you can, you can feel that she is so many bottoms.

Yeah. So many guys. Like they were like, I was real fucked up. I was, I was, I was, I was having fucking moose soup back then with this lady. It was. What's her name? We, we haven't given her Cheyenne. No.

She is kind of a Trish, you know. Oh, she's a Trish. Yeah. She really is. Come down later for moose soup. Yeah. A Karen or a Trish. Yeah.

Seriously. That's what I picture when I'm with you. Trish. And that lady. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. That's what this is.

We found our Trish. You found Trish. This is totally her. That's what she's like. Oh my God. I didn't even put that together. Yeah. And I looked up the recipe for moose soup.

Okay. Cause I'm like, is this real? Yeah. Now here's the thing. It's actually very similar to Hungarian goulash lavash. That's why? Why? Why?

Goulash lavash. Where's goulash lavash? It's goulash soup. It's very similar except they use moose meat and there's paprika in there. Onion, garlic. What's goulash lavash? Goulash lavash is like I just said, paprika, onion, some kind of meat in there. Well, couldn't the meat be moose?

Smoky pepper flavor. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. It's just a stew. But I think they put paprika in it. That's what I read about. Moose soup.

So it's very similar. Cool. Ow! Dirty son of a... Yeah. Trish. That's a Trish. That is Trish.

God damn it. Not for sure. She's so nasty. She's nasty. She's just so nasty. She's not as nasty as you and your acrobatic farts lately. Acrobatic farts. Yeah.

I've been noticing and I don't know if it's cause it's a summer dad time and you're... It is summer dad time. Yeah. I got shorts on right now. Yeah. I got summer shoes on. Yeah. You're kind of like...

Got my Velcro straps on. Yeah. You're feeling free. And with those little shoes we put on our kids. No. Sandals. They're like ugly sandals. Yeah.

But for kids, you let it go, right? Yeah. Kids are cute on... He ripped them off promptly. I took them outside and then he was like... They suck. He's like, these are terrible. Come on.

I ain't no quia. Yeah. So I had to take them off our boy. But you've been taking a lot of license with your acrobatic farts. I don't... I mean, I'm doing the regular... I do my hand gestures. I do like a punch or like a gunshot thing.

Sure. Sometimes a leg kick. But I don't think it's any different than, you know, another time of the year. No. You've been doing a lot of the diaper me baby, where you pull your legs up on your back. A couple more, but not a lot. A couple more. No.

I feel like it's been a lot more frequent. Where I pulled the legs up. I'm like, change me. And then I... Yeah. I did that one... I did that sitting up, which was different. Sometimes I lay down, but I did it sitting up.

And it got like a real interesting pitch on it. Oh my God. The best one though. We were in the living room and the nanny was over and we were playing with LJ. And then the nanny and LJ go out of the room and then you rip a horrendous fart. And then you're like, oh, I got to take a shit. And then you leave me there with the fart. And the whole time I'm thinking, oh no, the nanny is going to come back in here and she's

going to smell this fart and she's going to blame it on me. And I kept planning my story. I was going to tell her like Tom farted. You know, she's raised three boys. She knows what farts smell like. Sure. She knows that those are manfarts too. Yeah.

And she didn't walk in. Thank God. You know, since we're talking about this, I figured we should bring up this email. Okay. Hi, mommies. After originally hearing about your podcast through Tom when he was on Joe Rogan, I subsequently became addicted to listening to all the shenanigans YouTube provide for us all your segments are hilarious.

And the way the soundboard gets worked during the episodes makes my nip hard enough to cut glass or sorry, enough to glass. I am touching base to provide a small jingle that I created for your brown talk segments. I love the locomotive theme that you use. I wanted to provide another sound file you can use in case you want to mix it up. I took some of the clips you've mentioned over the past month or so on the podcast, composed a small arrangement to accompany it. I'm a lifelong musician, having experienced both instruction and live performance.

I'm a complete novice when it comes to mixing audio clips on my Mac. Oh, good. I'm glad we included this. If the file for any reason doesn't sound quite right, let me know. I can send it back to you. Well, here we go. This is Levon's submission. He signed off by saying Tom is a personality champ.

Bert is once again fat. Levon submission of a new brown talk theme. So let's see what you think. Okay. Here we go. I don't have any buttholes. It's got a lot of elements I enjoy. It's got the Jane.

Oh my God. You know, there's no discussing. I liked it. I liked it too. It's good. Thank you, Levon. Thank you. Levon.

Not Levon. Levon. So you have emails. Can we go into some choice ones that I got? Yeah, absolutely. Let's see. Hold on. I want to see.

There's a number of interesting ones that came in. Yeah. I know. I know. I know. We've been asking about blind people and if they can, hold on, let me make sure. Sorry. I'm sorry.

I thought I had this. Here it goes. A blind guy on the blind wipe. So we asked this question two or three weeks ago now. How do blind people know when they're done wiping? And we've had a lot of different theories. Tom's theory was that you go bare-handed and you smell your fingers to see if the wipe is done to which I replied.

Why would you use your bare hand? Yeah, just try the toilet paper. Well, I think blind people have more in touch with their real senses and they don't, they like to use their bare hand. Okay, so hey mommy. What'd you find out? Yeah. I'm a blind guy and I believe I have answers to some of your questions.

Great. Yeah. First off, in response to your guesses, I can't stress this enough. You cannot smell the paper. Paper is unruly. You're more likely to give yourself a dirty Sanchez than anything else. How about that? Smelling your fingers while safer than paper still isn't viable.

The paper acts as a barrier muddying the results, if you will. Second, as you probably heard when you lose one sense, the others get better. Hey now. A blind person's sense of touch, much like Bert's current weight, is off the scale. When wiping, I can tell from the friction during the wiping process if it needs more. That's amazing. Between the nerves and the brown eye, the crack and my fingertips, the speed and ease at which the paper moves and years of experience, you learn what glass and a clean uncanny valley

feels like. Amazing. Yeah. Isn't that interesting? Amazing. He had vision and then he lost it, so he's had both sides of the fence. There you go. That is just unbelievable.

Yeah. That's pretty interesting stuff, huh? Yeah. That's crazy. I also got another... OMG. She's so good. God damn it.

Yeah, this guy is blind, but he's got a great sense of touch. OMG. Also, we asked, can blind people be racist? Uh-huh. So this person writes in, hey, Hitlers, I was just glassing the latest podcast when mommy Tina read the email wondering if blind people can be racist. Yeah. A subject I have some experience in.

I'm friends with a girl who has been blind since birth, and me and my friends have made her guess the races of people in a room, and she always gets it right. You fucking stick. I'm not saying she's racist, but blind people can definitely tell what race people are just by the way they speak. High and tight. Mother fucker. Anthony.

Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. And the guy's name before that was Ray. Thank you, Ray, for sending that email in about wiping. Very interesting. Very interesting. Yeah.

So I'm guessing she's talking about maybe diction, right? Like you can... She hears a voice. She's like, oh, that's an Asian guy. That's a black guy. Can I tell you that when I listen to the radio, I can often tell black people? Yeah. I can hear it.

There's a different quality. Like I... You know... You can just... You know that... No, I don't. I don't think that, and I don't mean that. Big words.

No. Babe. What? I don't... I don't... That's not what I'm talking about. High personality, observation, and water champ. Also high tom.

Okay. That's a plug for you. It's a lot. Oh, also, I thought he meant in addition to all those things, but he means then high tom. Yeah. I like this email already. It says, he is a very funny non-Jewish Jewish man.

Near the end of the episode, when talking about the houses you've done the podcast in, I couldn't help but inquire where these homes were, you know, on account of me being a complete creep of poly, by, non-binary. I happen to notice on the Google's map that Silver Lake is right next to Just Glassville Park. Have you ever lived there, and why don't you live there currently? Thanks, Gene. Rick in Canada.

Where did we live? We lived in Silver Lake? Well, Glassville Park, that wasn't totally near, near, near. No. But no, we lived in Silver Lake. He's right about that. I mean, you want to say what streets we lived on? I don't know.

I'm trying to figure out where this park is, because I forget where it is. Glassville Park is the city, I think, next to it. Okay. It's a tiny little, let's see, here we are. Yeah, see. Okay. Now, Washington, that's where hipsters are now, too. Oh, right, right.

Atwater, and then Silver Lake, before Atwater. Oh, this is, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Glendale, Eagle Rock. Okay. Yeah, we didn't live in Just Glassville Park, we lived in Silver Lake. That's quite a problem. We lived more, we're over here, right? Yeah, over here, near the reservoir.

Atwater, yeah. So, yeah. Yeah. I lived here once on Silver Lake Boulevard, when I was dating you, and then we lived over here. Yeah. Yeah. That was fun.

That was fun. I enjoyed Silver Lake, and the reason, I mean, there's a few reasons we don't currently live there. I think... That was very cool. Yeah, it's very, you know, for us, we just kind of got lame, we had a kid, and we wanted to have more sprawl. Look, I have a lot of...

It's too cool for school. I have hipster friends, there's too many in the neighborhood. It's just too much. Well, I remember being in my late 30s and going to the Traders Joe there, and just seeing too many guys with ironic hats and mustaches, and I was like, I'm done. I was never that guy, I could live around them for a while, I can't do it. Around them? Yeah.

They? They. It's really kind of... I know, I'm just, I know. Racist. Yeah, I'm okay. Against hipsters. Are you hipster phobic, or...?

Yeah, I'm done. It's fucking... That's how I am. Respect their pronouns. I should have been a little more respectful of it, but I just went for it, you know? I just went for it. Just be like, hey, hi. Hi.

How are you? What's your name? Someone wanted to tell you this. Dear Zers. Zers. Christina, the counterfactual champion, repeatedly claims in accordance with her mother's ancient gypsy wisdom. Alternative facts, guys.

Farts pushed the shit out. Yes, they do. This is fake news. What? Tom has never once challenged this obviously false statement. Shame on both of you. Think about it, dummies. Do you shit?

God. Then fart a bunch? No. If you fart a bunch, then shit. Right, because farts push the shit out. Listen. Therefore, obviously, the shits push the farts out. Scientifically speaking, this is super fucking obvious.

The poop makes gas, and the gas escapes, pushed along by the poop. I mean, come on. Love forever, double pipe, slut wife. Double pipe slut, my triple D slut wife. So what you're saying is... Farts don't push the shit out. Shit push the farts. Farts out.

It's a total mind blower. You've been going at it wrong. You've been going at it wrong. You've been going at it wrong. The cart before the horse. Forever. We've got it. We've got it all wrong.

God damn it. God damn it is right. Shit. Cannot believe this. It's crazy. There we go. Whole world just changed. Do you want to say it to your mother if she were here, do you want to tell her, mom,

this whole time we had it wrong? You had it wrong, mom. It's not the farts that push the shit out. It's the shit that push the farts out. But you know what we can do? Now that we are armed with this knowledge, we can teach our son the right way. We can break the chain in the family knowledge tree. Tell our son the right thing.

Train him, if you will. Oh, by the way, I'm so excited that our son has started making fart noises with his mouth. That's awesome. And he's really started to take to the fart humor, the fart books that I bought him. It's all coming together. I'm sorry. What? This is a super brown episode, but there's an email here.

My horrible first shit to shower. I just imagined it going so bad. Let's hear it. Maybe I can coach this person. Hey, mommies, I recently had my first shit to shower experience, but things didn't go so well. I was having a day where even the softest of sevens were pretty good. Having a day where even the softest of sevens were being put out to shame.

I'm talking straight up pissing out of my ass. So after I made brown and wiped to no avail, I hopped in the shower to clean up some more. In the middle of all this, I realized I had to shit again. Obviously I'm soaking wet. Can't get back on the toilet. So I decided to go straight down the shower. No, no, no, no. The worst part is I had to bend over and clean my fucking feet.

I didn't help but feeling low and loose for the rest of the day. I was so ashamed of what I had done. Any advice for this first time shower shitter? What is your experience with shower browns? Thanks, Stu. Stu, listen, there's so many things you did wrong. Number one, you never shut down your shower drain. I feel like that's just a given and I should have been more explicit when I talked about

my methods. Never, ever shit in the shower. That's not the point of shit to shower. The point of shit to shower is to just clean up after you're done browning. So what you need to do is be patient with yourself, with your browns. If you know you're having waves of painful sevens, give yourself some time. Why are you hurrying to the shower? You know it's going to be a longer time.

So take your time with your brown. And then when you know you're absolutely finished, then you go shower. And if not, just dry off and get back on the toilet. I've done that before too. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Why not just wrap a towel around yourself and sit down on the toilet and then go back into the shower after that.

That's fine. For it. Yeah. So that's really good advice. I think I hope he listens to you. I got a... You know what I'm saying? Oh my God.

You know I'm talking to you. I got a breakdown. I want to see if you can break down what the juice man is talking about here. The who? The juice man. Who's the juice man? Y'all a female? You want a little of that trash?

You want that shit? It'll be 1000, baby. You'll be able to bounce your head. And we go to the script club, throw a couple thousand more fucks out there. You'll be able to pull up in that drop top mode for old fat bullshit mode. Send right to the side. Wow. Do you know?

Pulling up, drunk motherfucker, trap in the club. Hey man, female love good music, man. Female love good music. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. What a motherfucker. What a motherfucker. Entertainment is for the sober.

Entertainment is for the sober. God, man, it's such a crowd. He's an AA performer. He's not an AA performer. I mean, he is AA. What does trap music mean again? What is the trap pussy again? It's just a genre within hip hop, basically.

But what does it mean that it's trap music? It's a certain style of hip hop. Oh, okay. What a motherfucker. Music is music, man. Entertainment is for the sober. Entertainment is for the sober. I thought he said for the show, bro.

Oh, okay. Isn't there what he's saying right there? I don't know. Shit, you're the master of accent. It's for the show, bro. What? Entertainment is for the sober. All the females are going to love this trap music.

All the females are going to love this trap music. Okay, here we go. All the females are going to love this trap music. Shit will be 1,000? Yeah, yeah. 1,000 what? Like, you know, more than a hundred. A thousand is going to be like on point.

It's going to be amazing. Gotcha. You're going to be able to balance your head. You're going to be able to balance your head. You're going to be able to balance your head. We go to the strip club. You go to the strip club. Yeah.

You got to go back to pull up and then drop top mode for old Fat Booty shit, mode focusing right to the side. You pull up, you drop top with that fat booty girl. Oh, wow. Yeah. Wow. Okay, where's this accent from? Is this Southern?

Actually, this is, he's Turkish. No. Yeah, how he's not. No, I don't know where he's from. No, but what is that draw? Is that a Southern in the club? I'm not sure where he's from. Let's look it up.

Let's look it up. I'm going to guess Southern. Yeah, I think you're right. Right? Yeah, you're right. Got the Southern draw. Atlanta. Yeah, Atlanta.

Yeah. That's funny. I like his tattoos. So you think you're a fat music fan or no? I'd have to hear it. That's the thing I don't really know. We can't really play. Yeah, I know.

You know, they're all, you know, they're all in the trap selling drugs. Um, okay. Um, that big China, was she, was she trap pussy? You know, they give credit to a three six mafia for doing. I like that. Yeah. So he's credit, they're credited with some of that trap. Okay.

I like that. You like Gucci main. Yep. You like GZ. You took a picture of him once. Yeah, I do. I took a picture of him. The coming back from Atlanta.

Yeah. See, he was on the same play. I mean, that is trap fucking Mecca right there. The hub. Yeah. Yeah. I could see you. I could see you starting like a, your own group.

Man of trap music, trap pussy music. Yeah. Mom trap pussy. Yeah. Mom pussy. Mom pussy. It's all torn up. What if you call your special that that's a really good idea.

Do you think my manager would like that? I don't know. Could you see his face? I'm like, I'm going to call it mom pussy. Like you get your offer and they're like, they want to do it. And you're like, great. It's called mom pussy. I don't think so.

You know what's funny? The other day you were, um, you were talking like an old black guy. I forget what you said to our son. I think you were like, don't, don't look at the TV. Because I remember there was, I had, no, I had a, I had an old boss. Um, at least like 20 years ago, I used to work for it. Nate. I was like, you can't go to kids over here looking at the TV all day.

And I'd heard that before, like older black guys, they always say, look at the TV. Yeah. It's such like a specific phrasing. Yeah. Right. Uh, also it's, um, where you staying, right? Where you staying? Staying as opposed like, uh, I'm staying over at staying in this neighborhood.

I'm staying at this. Oh, okay. Not like I'm living there. Oh, right. Correct. Yeah. That's just like a specific difference in language. That's funny.

Interesting. I stay, I stay over on the East side. Correct. As opposed to I live on. Right, right. Yeah. That's, that's a very specific thing. But I always love the idea of looking at the TV.

Yeah. Look at TV. You quit looking at a TV and get over here. I'm trying to look at the TV. Right. Right. And I'm trying to look at the TV, which actually, if you think about it, it makes sense.

You are looking at the TV. Yeah, it doesn't make sense. That's, that's, I think grammatically and logical. And you are staying on the East side. Correct. Correct. It's, it's coherent. Yeah.

I know. It always made me laugh. Looking at the TV. Look at the TV, man. Yeah. My old boss used to say that. Like we were wasting time looking at the TV. This is so fucking cool.

What I'm about to show you. Okay. You think you're ready and I know that you're not, but. Okay. The thing is this guy has given us so much and he never stops giving us. That's the best part. I like that. Here is the G.

Oh, good. Talking to people on the up in space. They're literally, he's at. Swap up. Swap up. Swap up. And they're on like a space station or something. Oh boy.

Okay. Let the conversation begin. He's going to dad bone her out. Station is a Houston. Are you ready for the event? So these two Sky Nerds are up there. Mr. Brooks, please call station for a voice chat. Nerds.

Station. This is Garth Brooks. How do you hear me? Look at that. That is so cool. There we go. Can you hear us? Yes, I can hear you.

You sound and look great. Look at that. Look at that smile. Wow. Now is that the, is that a real genuine dad look? Yes. Or do you think this is the look of a psychopathic serial killer? Right.

It is both. This is the first authentic moment I've ever seen from Garth. Like he's truly in awe. He's truly. And look, this guy has so much money and fame and popularity and everything. Nothing dazzles him anymore. Yeah. The fact that he's looking at humans in space.

I think it genuinely is blowing his dad mind right now. Yeah. That could be true. Yeah. That could be true. She can't do too many interviews on earth when you're, you know, hanging on a wall. Do you guys get used to just that position or is there any time where the gravity is at your feet at all?

Is there a room in there? Or do you have to wait to get back? I'll look at it. Oh, we missed it, man. Sorry. We're on your fucking zone. Sam Tripoli's outside. Do you guys get used to just that position or is there any time where the gravity is

at your feet at all? Is there a room in there? Or do you have to wait to get back? Such a dad mouth. He looks like he's dad jizzing right now. Looks like it's Man-Milk Monday. And I do think they're trimming his beard a little too short. They're doing it wrong.

They're not doing it. He needs to see Alan because this is not okay. That's not a good look. All right, let's go get the great Sam Tripoli. Sorry, Sam is standing outside and it's hot as balls. All right, let's go get him. Let's go get him. But let's keep exploring this.

I don't want to, this is really funny. I think it's really genuine. Can I stop now? Yeah. Okay. I'm just excited. I like this. All right.

We ran out and we brought in something we found on the street. The great Sam Tripoli. Thank you for coming. These motherfuckers got six trash cans. That's baller. I'm like six trash cans of all different colors. Man, you guys don't fuck around. Dude, I wish we actually had six trash cans.

We have two trash cans. Oh. Two recycling cans. Yeah. And two, what is it? Greenery. Yeah, green. They don't recycle and they don't give a fuck about greenery.

That's, that's baller status shit right there. I've never been like greenery, green recycling. I wash plastic and paper towels. I mean, fucking plates, man. No, it's a, first of all, thank you for coming. It's, it's, I don't know. Did we ever have you on before? Yeah.

Yeah. I did the other room and we played sound, body sound. No. It's something black guy or. Oh, Tom. Yeah. We played Tom or black. Wow.

Did you? Yeah. It's on my Wikipedia. We've had, we've had two people almost win it all. I didn't remember if you were, cause we had two people get one wrong, one or two wrong. That was, um, what's her name? Miss Pat. Miss Pat and Rogan.

Yeah. The first time he was on. And then one guy go O for 10 and as a black guy, Sydney Castillo. Yeah. He got zero. But that should mean something too. Right. That should be just as amazing.

That's true. You're right. Fuck up that bad. Yeah. And to be black. Yeah. Not to know your name. Remember when they tried to use that in the OJ Simpson trial, like it was a black voice

and they're like, that's, that's kind of racist to say someone's got a black voice. It's not. We were just talking about it. We were just talking about it. I feel like I can tell like when I listen to radio shows, if the color is black, I know 100% or my favorite thing is, is, uh, uh, Jason T. always talks about this. They should just do a podcast of, uh, Mexican callers in the sports radio shows cause they're so bad and the radio guys have to kind of like pat do patty cakes with them cause they

don't want to piss off their entire audience. Of course. Everything. I think they should bring back Colby Bryant. I was like, we're talking about the Dodgers here. I don't know, man. I think Colby and they're like, they had just talking through it and I just go like, you fucking retard.

Wait. I'm going to say black guy or a guy wanting to be black. That's true. Wait, play Sam. The thing you played me, uh, the gentleman we were just listening to, but the trap. Oh, and to see if he can guess. Yeah. Can you just do the audio?

Oh sure. No, I can do the audio. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hold on. Let's see. Can you understand it?

Can you guess the race? It's definitely black and I'm going to go, he's going to the club and he's throwing $1,000 at everybody and his friend comes up in some bullshit car. No, it's not bad. That's an interesting interpretation. Yeah. It's not correct, but it's pretty. Is it way off?

No, no. No, no. I mean, you hit some of the important notes. Yeah. I think that's really all that matters. I don't think that guy was looking for you to. Do you ever see that video where the Migos were almost going to fight the BET award? Of course.

Oh, so good. First of all, uh, a black award shows are the best. They should just live stream backstage, stabbings and shootings. So it's like the two best are obviously the AVNs and any black award show where someone's either going to get shot or OD. So, you know, something's good is going to happen there, but they had them on the morning show and these, the literally the black people couldn't understand what the black people were saying.

He's like, what? What? He was like, uh, it was so good. It was really amazing. And, uh, yeah, this, you know, funny, Allie Wong last night, she told me that she went to that. Yeah, I saw that on her Instagram. Well, I assumed that like, you know, she's a known person that she, she got tickets

to it. Like she's like, I just wanted to be there at the BET award. Yeah. I thought she was like, you know, she's a performer. Yeah. I thought she went as like a celebrity. She was like, nah, I like, I requested tickets and I got them and I went to it. Like just for fun.

Just to be at that. That's great. Like that's what sounds like you wanted. Yeah. I totally want to look at these glasses. Of course I want to go to anything hip hop. Uh, this is how, uh, languages start. I mean, at one point there were a couple of people, everyone's talking the same.

And then just things get weird and weirder. And now that you got Chinese, Spanish and all that shit, because everybody just starts talking their own fucking way. I don't know if Christina extra saw the Migos Joe Biden thing. Did you see it? I don't know what you guys are talking about. I feel like there's like a running joke with, with you being left off bad and booze. I ain't left off bad and booze.

You think I'm left off bad and booze. Say again? You say I'm left off bad and booze. What's that? Do I look like I'm left off bad and booze? Yeah. Do I look like I'm left off bad and booze? What did you say?

Do I look like I'm left off bad and booze? Nah. I mean, that's one thing I like about the group. Because ever since when you were in jail, even though you might see one or the other, y'all move as a collective. All right. We got to wrap this up though. My bad.

My bad. I'm happy to talk to you. I'm happy to hear you say it. I'm happy to hear you say it. Hey listen, man. I wish I could talk to Migos longer, man. It's one of my favorite groups. I've been coming for so long.

I'm glad they succeeded, man. Hey, man, you guys are nominated tonight. Have a good show. Don't they look like the black agent Smiths from the black matrix? Yeah. I mean, I thought it was SWV. That's what I thought it looked like. Yeah.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. This other group comes over. Where's their security guard? It's amazing. Where's their security guard? It's amazing. We're in those bad 70s polyester shirts. Incredible.

Black people can make everything look good. I know. They have a license to make everything cool. It's amazing. They can make anything cool. Yeah. I mean, she's pregnant. She wouldn't be afraid of getting.

Yeah, she's got pregnant again. God, they never pull out. There was a... I'd be afraid. Did you see... I'm trying to pull this up. Why can't you get pregnant twice? Wait, what?

Oh, no, no. I'm sorry. I just got that. It's terrible. Did you see... I'm such a mom now. What, Sam? You're such a nerd.

What are you saying? The blacks do what? The video... I'm so nerdy now. The video edit where they pulled all the moments from that and pushed in on it. There's a cut of everything at that Migos thing, and it was just like, this is... They've zoomed in on everyone's reactions. It's masterfully done, and they were able to isolate everybody's own reaction to what

was going on. It was just amazing, man. Let's see if I can find it. All right, keep going. Keep going. You talk. Okay. I just love it, dude.

I just love black people. Yeah. They're the best. I'm going to get cornrows. And I know you've had issues. You've talked about white people with cornrows. I've talked about white people with cornrows. Yeah.

But I think I might do... How much longer can I do cornrows? I think this is the end of any cornrows phase I have. This is the last decade you can do it. This is like last couple years. Yeah. You can't go deep into your 40s with cornrows. Now, how long does your hair have to be to do that?

That's the question. Yeah. My big to the Mexican hair stylist says, just grow the tops. The tops. Yes. So how long... What does that mean? Like, I have my hair right now, just let this thing grow.

Oh. Yeah, you can do that. Just go longer and then cornrow it up and look like straight from Grand Theft Auto. That is such a specific look. That would really change your whole audience. I don't even know why it would make it even weird. Like, I used to have normal glasses when I went up and then I thought it looked like Mark Marin.

And I'm like, my act is, and Mark Marin's act is phenomenal, but we're just two totally different dudes. No, these glasses, Tom and I have discussed your glasses, like just laying in bed at night. Sam Tripoli's glasses are perfect for him. We've had talks about how perfect this look is for you. People get weird by them. They get really angry. What?

No, this is the best thing you've done. First of all, they all think they're fake. Right. They're fake. No, you've always worn them. Yeah, they're not prescription. Oh, no, they are though. 100%.

Yeah, yeah. Hey, are those, are those real glass? He goes, no, I go, that's fucking stupid. And we just had a huge blow up and we never did a podcast. Wow. What do you mean? I had a podcast called the International Bad Boys Hour, me and my buddy were on it and one day come in and I'm just like, are those real glasses?

He goes, no, I go, that's fucking stupid. Why are you wearing fake glasses? And we just, it just kerosene on fire. Boom. It just exploded and we just ended it. What was his, his, I mean, his thing was, I used to like the way they look or what I mean. Yeah.

Yeah. I think nothing gets him. I didn't mean anything by, I was just trying. He got really, really offended. Oh yeah. And it just got really bad. Who was it? My, he's the guy who works at the store.

We're way cool now. But I'm happy to have him because now I'm on this new podcast called Tinfoil Hat and I just do conspiracy theories about lizard people and deep state shit and creepy. Are you into conspiracy theories? 100%. Really? I love it, dude. Do you really, like, do you really believe in all the big ones then?

You're like, 9, 11, 9, 11, 100% percent, 100%. Look at building six. No one talks about building six. It's imploded from the inside. You believe though that the US government conspired to make this happen to fuel a war? Like is it one of those that you, I believe that the, I think that there are, we'll call them the deep state creates problems in order to beg us to save us from those problems. The drug war.

Yeah. I mean, we find out that, you know, that the CIA and one of their assets was Pablo Escobar. How'd all the cocaine get here? You know where it went into Arkansas? Who's governor, Bill Clinton, at the time was smuggling all this cocaine in and that fueled the cocaine, the crack wars, the crack epidemic of all that stuff. So then they beg us to save them the war against drugs, blah, blah, blah. I think it's, it's totally there.

I don't know about that one either. We went to the moon. We have two options either we've never been past the Van Allen belt and it's all bullshit and it's black ops to make, to take money and to put in the other stuff or we're on every planet. I don't think there's any in between. I think we're on more planets. I think we're everywhere.

I'm not saying. Yeah. Yeah. And why would we not say? Talk about it though. I think in my opinion, if you start saying that there are aliens and there's stuff going out there, I think one religion goes out the door. Yeah.

The thought of that, we're the center of the universe and then everything revolves around. Now there's like Japanese lizard people running around, right, like straight up Asian looking motherfuckers. Yeah. That goes out the fucking door. I think it causes hysteria. I think you're right because there's so many hyper religious people in this country they couldn't handle and they control them through religion.

Yes. But here's my one reason that I don't buy into a lot of conspiracy theories. Have you ever done a military gig like where they've flown you from country like the Middle East? Yes. Have you ever been on the flights where they schedule you, like you're going to go from Kyrgyzstan to Kandahar. Have you ever been on those military schedule?

Are they ever a organized or I'm just saying that the military is so fucking disorganized and you're considered a VIP when you do those. Right. I think that the government has that much structure to be able to pull off these things. I just not that organized. I understand that and I totally agree with that. But I think at the highest level, you always hear this a lot. Like, you know, I've had discussion with comedians who are like, somebody would say something

at some point. You're like, well, people have and they kind of get discredited. But the higher up you go, there's less people involved. So the numbers like this one comic, I can't say her name, did this like she did the super special forces. Like we're the best of the special forces all come into one. And like every room she went to, she had to sign a new doc saying that she wouldn't tell anybody about it.

And basically they'd kill her if she said anything like that's how top she just told you on your fucking pack, your podcast, she told me a dog park. But I, but the point is, it gets deep and like, we're in, we have special forces on like 130 countries. Yeah. Like I can't name 130 countries. But I always feel like one of the, I mean, the, the level of like, for instance, people that believe that the moon landing is fake, you would, for it to be fake, the level of

the amount of people that would be keeping a secret, right? It would just, it would be enormous. I mean, you'd have to be fooling either you're fooling everybody who that's their work. There's, you know, that no, it's, it's, it's kind of difficult to believe. Or that everybody involved for 50 years, never told a secret. I understand that too. I'm just, my whole P P is, is the, the, the farther up on a chain you get, the harder and harder it gets there.

And they do a lot of, a lot of analog analyzing you, your habits, they spy on you. They get, they get blackmail stuff. And the higher up you go, the more you're in, the more you're in, the more you have at stake. So it's not like everybody at the bombs. Let's say like you're at the comedy store, like there's a, there's the open micers. There's the regulars. There's the headliners.

And then there's like the super duper, like theater dudes who are all doing all that stuff. That's a very concentrated group of people. And not everybody down here can go up to here and hang out there. It's like, it's very, it's tears of it. Yes. And like to get in within a structured environment to get up to that level is harder and harder. Now you post really great things on Instagram. I love your Instagram.

What is it at at Sam Tripoli and you have a great Facebook feed. And I was at you who posted the other day that the elite, powerful men of the world are all pedophiles. Oh yeah. Pedophiles. No, it's true. And here's the gate, man. Yeah.

And here's the thing. And now. Pizza gate too. Well, pizza gate was, listen, pizza gate was used to discredit the pedo gate. So everyone's like, oh, and they're fucking kids in pizza parlors. No, it's, it's much different. And it goes, this is deep state shit. Wait.

Hold on. The thing is, I would not have believed that had I not heard a woman on Paul Gilmartin's mental illness happy hour podcast, who was a child victim of this exact pedophile ring and they would torture her, keep her in a box, put roaches on her and rape her. And she would tell, she tells a story on Paul and I'm serious. And she's an actual person. I don't think she made it up. It sounds horrible.

Well, that weird, weird shit does exist within this is, is this more darker than I feel like I come into podcasts. I just change everything. No, but what she was saying, fisting, fisting, but that was just terrible. And it gets ugly. And there's a reason for that. And it's like the higher up you go, okay, there's a couple, there's a big controversy going on right now in Reddit in that there are a couple of YouTube channels.

And Daniel Tosh did a big story on it. They have over like 10 billion views that are basically like corporate child porn. Now they're not like kids doing like, but it's all insinuation, you know, and it's like looks like, so if you freeze something, it looks really creepy. And there's 10 billion views on these like, right? So what they do is my opinion is, is this is how they start to gather people. Like they're, they're analyzing who are watching these. These videos, right?

And okay, that's great. And you're like, okay, we know this guy, but it's also other people with darker things going, okay, who's, who's maybe susceptible to this type of stuff. That's secretly what they're into. Maybe this guy's running for politics, right? So now they fast track these guys and they put them in these weird awkward situations, film them, and then they blackmail the fuck out of them. There was a famous producer that used to throw cocaine and hooker shows.

I mean, parties and he would film everything. So if you were up for a negotiation, they'd be, he'd be like, no, dude, I'm not going to sign for that. That's bullshit. He's like, okay, let's watch this thing. It's just you doing coke off some trainee hooker's asshole. And then you're like, okay, I'll sign for that. It's like, I mean, as the money, you gotta think there's trillions of dollars.

Power money. But are we suggesting, I mean, is the idea that people in power are all pedophiles? No. Just. No, but there's a lot. There's a lot. Okay, dude. Listen, I feel like I'm, okay.

So in my opinion, within the conspiracy theory community, there's a lot of antisemitism and I like going there, my girlfriend's Jewish and I go in there and I go, I go at it. Organized religions. There's always this like, oh, Jewish guys run the bank. It's like, it's all bullshit. It's all like organized religions are to these very high up people are just Halloween masks. They wear them to move around us and be because the truth of the matter is, and this is gonna sound crazy as fuck.

It's Luciferian shit. It's like very, it's not like, oh hell, Satan. It's like very dark art shit. Now in the Vatican, there is a throne called the throne of Lucifer in the Vatican in which the Pope sits and behind him is this big demon dude just going, oh, and it's like, why is that in the fucking Vatican world is weird? It is real, man. It's really dark, weird shit.

Yes. It all exists because there's so many whack jobs. I do feel like the older I get, you know what I'm saying? You realize just how crazy everyone is and especially with the internet, you can see how crazy people are all the time. Wait, are you, please tell me, are you a believer that Sandy Hook is a hoax? I think there's interesting stuff to it. Oh, gee.

What? What are you talking about? There's really, I'm not saying it did or didn't happen. Wait, wait. I'm just saying there's interesting things that don't make a lot of sense involved with it. Like what? Like first of all, okay, do we remember Columbine?

Yeah. Okay, what do we see in Columbine? People knocking out windows, like trying to crawl out to get away. We see kids running all over the place. We see none of that. We see one picture of one woman leading a couple kids out and it's a still picture. There's nothing out. The mom who supposedly died, like later on, she doesn't really exist.

She wasn't a teacher there. Then it turns out she was like a substitute teacher at another school somewhere else. So there's just all these little things that we start going, oh man, that's kind of weird. I mean, like if you go deep diving into it and you got to go really deep because if you're expecting the six, excuse me, all the alphabet networks to tell you everything, well, back in the nineties, the Clintons deregulated the media and we went from 88 different companies owning 90% of the media to six companies owning all the media. So it's very, and those companies, they make more money off of other shit than they do

off of the media. So the media has just used to fund their other stuff. So anyways, there's a lot of crazy stuff. Well, what about the fake moon landing Garth Brooks? We saw him. Yeah. I went weird. He, he's faking, but that's the thing.

Okay. So if the moon landing isn't real, are they faking like all these conversations with astronauts and shit? Like when we see them, you can't do too many interviews on earth when you're hanging on a wall. There are thoughts of that. You guys get used to just that position or is there any time where the gravity is at your feet at all?

Is there a room in there or do you have to wait to get back? We have to wait till we get back. Man, I'm missing NASCAR, man. I just want barbecue up here, you know. He is kind of husky for an astronaut. No. Yeah. He's stocky.

What's happening? So thank you from the bottom of my heart for being such an inspiration to so many and making those words count. Wow. Thank you. No. Is he crying? Yep.

Thanks for hearing the music. That's, that's a cool part of it. And thanks for letting me get to be a part of it. What? It's so weird. What's going on there? Do you buy those tears? He's crying.

Just those of you not watching, Gareth Brooks, that brought him to tears. Yeah. But I'm the tears that a guy was like, I love you. I like your music. Thanks. Oh my goodness. I mean, would that make you cry like that? Have you ever had someone compliment you after a show and then you're like...

What's the greatest compliment you've seen? I love that dick joke. Oh, it's really dirty and you don't want to hear it. Oh, come on. It's filthy. You already ruined my opinion with your conspiracy. So just tell me what they said. It's nasty.

Somebody was just like, I want to fucking eat you some. No, one of the most gorgeous chicks I ever seen in my life goes up and she goes, your comedy makes me feel the same way I get when I eat my own pussy. I was like, damn. And I was like, that's pretty nice. That is very nice. And there was a couple of kids in wheelchairs that were very thankful too. I did a special Olympic show and they were cool.

Did they really? Yeah. I did that. I was like, what are you talking about on stage? And wait, I remember years ago, I saw you have a wheel. Do you do your wheelchair bit for them? I always get asked to do it. It's a young man's joke.

I can't do it. If I go down, I can't come back up. That's like, you know, you have your memories of seeing stuff. I remember seeing Sam do that in the main room like a while ago. Long time ago. I remember you on the... I actually remember the same... On the same night, you know, you just have like, you remember bits and pieces of things.

I remember seeing Aaron Cater. Yes. The same night on the show. We all got picked up at the same time at the World Famous Comedy Store by Mitzi. Sure. She picked us up because she wanted an Arab show. And Duncan was the... This is so true.

Duncan... Duncan's like, Tripoli, are you Middle Eastern? I'm like, I'm Armenian. He's like, close enough. And he told... Like, there used to be the secret to how to get picked up by Mitzi. And it was, you do one joke about your family member, one joke about your ethnic group, and then do your favorite bit.

And so I had this bit that Joey Diaz loved. And I was like, okay, I'm going to do that bit. And I did a joke about my mom power walking, then how me being furry going to the mall, going to the beach. And I did this bit about Asians on ecstasy that I used to do, about how their visuals are so much better because they're so much smarter, right? Like dumb people's visuals are like eight bit. And their visuals are like Dobie IMAX digital sound.

And I get off stage and I saw Paul Mooney talking to her and I'm like, oh man, he's... Back in the day when you showcased the comedy store, people would hijack your showcases. Yeah. I remember hearing this. Because they weren't getting spots or they had to talk to Mitzi so she remembered them, right? So I looked down at Paul Mooney's out there and I'm like, fuck man. And I'd had a weird run in with Mooney like two weeks earlier, which I was on stage at this show at the Hustler Adult Bookstore.

They had a comedy show there and it was ran by this guy named Johnny Montana who was like coked out of a skull and he would just do jokes about his headshots for like every week. And I was doing a joke about how hard it is to be a white guy. And I got off stage and Paul Mooney ran up to me and he goes, homie, you ain't white. Use Armenian. And he dropped a hard N-bomb on me. Wait, what word? What the word?

Damn word. Which one? Okay. He goes, oh homie, you ain't white. Use Armenian. Use a nigger. And I was like, damn, the dude who coined the phrase basically called me the word. So I was like, I don't know, is this guy like me or not?

So I go do the set. I do the set and I see him talking to her and I'm like, fuck Mooney's talking to her. Well, it turns out he really liked me and he goes, oh Mitzi, you gotta pick this guy up. It's really fun. Wow. Which is totally cool and I'm always thankful to Paul Mooney for that. So I come out and I go, and the whole thing is after your showcase, you walk up to Mitzi and you kind of kiss the ring, right?

So I walk up and I'm like, hey Mitzi, thank you so much for the showcase. She goes, are you Syrian? And I didn't know what the fuck Syrian was. And I'm like, yep, I'm totally fucking Syrian. I love being Syrian. I love Syrian food. She's like, okay, I want you in the showcase tomorrow night. So Jay Davis had had a huge show called Dublin's.

And I don't know if you guys were out here during that, but Dublin's was huge. I used to go watch that show. And I remember giving Jay Davis a VHS tape. I tried to do a doc on that show. And of course it got completely fucked up by crazy people. So he's doing a show the next night in the main room. I did a showcase. This is how cool Maz DiBronius.

He gets me in. He's a great guy. Coolest dude you offer me. One of the guys who stayed real no matter what's happened to him. One of the most real dudes you ever meet. So I met him at Aaron Cater. Myself are all showcasing. Maz is already a regular.

So we go up and we do our set and we all have really good sets. Maz wants to get Brett Ernst in. So Maz disappears. Maz is like, oh, they give it like we can't find Maz. They're like, can we put somebody else up? They put them up. They put Brett Ernst up. Brett Ernst does a showcase.

All four of us get picked up that day. So on the same day. On the same day. What year was that? That was 99 or 2000. Wow. Yeah. 2000.

2000. Seriously? 100%. Fuck man. It was a year before 9-11 because she thought that Arabs are going to need a voice. That's how crazy it was. Wow. So she picked us up.

But she made us be regulars and worked a door. Like I had to work the door. And then four months after I moved to LA in 2002, I met Sam. We did the groundlings together. And he was so fast. And like I used to be a real knucklehead and you can even like a gun recognizes a gun. You know what I'm saying? Like you're like, okay, this guy's fucking good.

So you're going to be like either we're going to be rivals or we could be friends. Right? And I'm like, this guy's so fast. Let's be friends. So I did to you what was done to me in that I joined an improv troupe thinking it was a stand up comedy show. I didn't know what it was. And my friend Victor Isaac, who lives out in LA now is like, you're really funny.

Come do stand up. I'm like, you know what? And I go, do you do stand up? And you're like, no, I'm like, you fucking should do stand up. You're really funny. So I took you around for like a week. I could. So are you saying that Sam Tripoli, you're responsible for encouraging young, young

Tom Seguera? Of course. Of course. Absolutely. And Sammy, like I watched him. What was the other? What was like the sushi restaurant? Kind of a cross from Dublin.

Yes. Oh, yeah. They had a show there. Starts with that. I was just talking about the other day with Doug Stanhope. What was it? Miyagi's. Yeah.

And I was, uh, I basically was like, I don't know what to do. And he goes, you just do spots. And I like, I didn't even understand how that, what, what that meant. And I tagged along with Sammy, went to Miyagi's. We went to the comedy store. We went one other place. And so I just got to see like, oh, so like, and then he's like, you know, like, I'll just do this here.

I'll try it here. And like, I watched him do like 15 minutes sets. And he's like, just do it. Just do it. And then, but then you did a couple of shows at that place above, um, the improv school on La Brea. You had a show there, right? Room five.

I did a bunch of like those little, you know, like, unofficial shows. We're off. I remember doing like, I was, I started in 02. I got a, I started doing the improv's, gave me MC work in 04. You moved quickly. He did. You're a businessman. You were Tom Segwera.

I always tell people this. I ran a tiny room in Los Feliz called Tangier. We were all open micers. When Tommy started stand up, when he was 23 years old, he was good immediately. Like you were one of those assholes. Oh, I hate, it was like, are you kidding me? Yeah. He started and he was better than all of us.

And I was like, you gotta be shitting me. No, I had you closing out my open mic. I had a bookmaker show essentially every week because you were funny. You were the funniest one. Okay. So, you were fast dude. You and Nick were fast. And Nick, by the way, we were also, was also in Sam and my improv class.

He's the one that introduced me because he was also had done stand up. He introduced me to a booker as a comic. So he goes, you should put, he goes, you should, Tom's great. You should have him. And the lady goes, oh, you're a comic. And I just went, yeah. And she goes, all right. Sure.

April 22nd. You want to do that show? I was like, yeah. And that's how I did my first spot. I lied. And just was, just was like, that's how you get it. That's how I lied to get in the comic. So then there was cat.

What's her name? Cat. Rightman. Rightman. And then there was the trucker from a smoky in the band. It's smoking hot daughter who's dating somebody from Lincoln Park. Yeah. Lincoln Park that she was dating the drummer from Lincoln Park.

That's right. So hot. Horrible and improv. Horrible. Right. But she didn't care. I know. And everybody was like, you date the guy from Lincoln Park and she loved it.

She was like, yeah, I do. She was so into it. Yeah. That's right. Then you just took off, man. I remember you're doing all these little spots and then you were just gone. And you were just doing spot. And then you were just touring off of, you've been, you and Sebastian, both were road dogging

right out the gate. Yeah. So the funny thing about Sebastian is Sebastian was Sebastian from the drop. I agree. That guy's persona was there. Yeah. I saw him 10 plus years ago. Yeah.

Doing an OR spot. I was just at the club one. I did the belly room. I used to do a bunch of belly room shows that weren't like official shows, you know, and popping. And that dude was exactly the same. Exactly the same guy. He honed it.

And he went out with a dice for a while. He opened for dice. He opened for dice. Yeah. I never would have ever expected that. Dice loved him because he was like Italian dice. He's kind of got that Italian thing going and just went off and he was just so his shit.

Like Sebastian's new stuff feels like polished material. He has just a way of delivering and like, and, and like laying out what the bit is that feels like a finished product on the first take. You know, it was like the first time he says like, I was at the gym. And he's talking about what happened at the gym today. It feels like, oh, it feels like this is a bit. It's, it's like what happened today. You know, it's like that Doug Stanhope in terms of that.

And he would never say this, but like he's been doing it so long. He knows his voice. Yeah. That's what it is. He can, anything that happened goes right through the voice box and comes out and he's got a point of view. Yeah. Yeah.

Burs like that. Yeah. Burs like that. I'm sure you guys are like that. Yeah. I mean, it's like, if you've done it long enough, you know, your take. Yeah. It's so inappropriate.

Tom and I were sitting around talking about our favorite comics and I was like, my favorite comics are 50 year old white guys. Like I just fucking love the shimmels, the Louis CK, obviously like Bill Burr in that lane. David Tell. All these white guys I've watched coming up and you're like, that's to me, that's still the gold standard. That's your lane.

Older white guys. I love older white guys. No, I just love them. Well, they're masters. Yeah. Yes. I think comedy is going through something right now where it's like the actual humor is like the last thing they care about in a weird way.

I feel like there's so many people getting pushed forward just because we need a, we need a bi-racial bisexual person and you're like, you know, I'm thinking about sucking black dicks in front of everybody just to get fucking something going, you know, just go on stage and just crush Jamar neighbor's dick in front of everybody just so somebody will fucking sign me to something. It just like. Right. It's just weird.

There's a sales thing. Tripoli sucked that guy's dick in everything. I think you're great for the new Gilmore girl. You should be like the non-binary comic. Why don't you sign on to that? You got to pick your pronoun or do you know what that is? No, what is that? Someone wrote me that.

What? What does that mean? Pick your pronoun. You pick a pronoun. You could be a Zim-Zur-Zay. You can be a woman, a man. What's your pronoun? I don't know.

What is your pronoun? I'm Zim. Why? Because, you know, I don't want you to assume that I'm a male. Okay. Yeah, I mean. You're being really presumptuous and you're determining my gender, let me determine what my gender is.

Oh, I respect that. There you go. I respect your non-gender gender. Thank you. Thank you. But you're a man-gender. So I don't want you to say what's he like. Okay.

I want you to say what's Zim like. Are they? I prefer they. You're a they? Yeah. What's your pronoun? Yeah. That's interesting.

Hey, by the way, I wanted to ask you this because you do your conspiracy series, conspiracy theory podcast, which is called tin foil, tin foil. Have a great time. Do you ever address? There's this ridiculous conspiracy theory about like Armenian genocide. Okay. Do you ever hit on that? Let's hear about that.

Like they claim that like they claim that like the Turks, yeah, there's a couple things about that. Yeah. Like, do you address? I had family go through that. They told you like, oh, yeah, they put on this whole charade. Yeah. It was really great.

It was really great. They knew boohoo. They got a couple of tattoos. Just made some shit up. So when did that supposedly like, when's the theory that that happened? Like 85 or something like that? No, no, no, no. It was way back.

When though? What year? 2000. No, excuse me. 1917. Oh, wow. And how many are purported to have died? 20?

20? No, a million, dude. A million. A million people. A million people. Yeah. But like, come on. A million.

But do you really think that many people died? Yeah. Why? Because. Because people told me. That letter network told you? ABC and CBS? Oh, I had an uncle that was involved in all that.

What did he do? Kill a bunch of people? My mother's uncle. Excuse me. Your mom's uncle, what was it, in a camp? He was, he had a fucking tattoo on him. What did the Turks do? They came in.

They like, suck our dicks. But like what? They did a lot of suck our dicks. They did a lot of this. Suck our dicks. Fuck. What was the... Whoa, suck our dicks, bro.

Suck all of our dicks. What led to this? Like what was the event that led to this? Well, you know what's so interesting about Armenians, man, is I do... They smell good. Yeah, they do smell good. We shower in cologne. I have the longest running show ever at the comedy store.

You do? It is a 15 year charity event. It happens once a year. Oh, yeah. It's called the Armenian bone marrow registry and a cousin of mine had bone marrow cancer and they couldn't find a match. She's still with us? She is still.

She beat it naturally. But her mom, my cousin, my mother's cousin, couldn't find a match. So her and this doctor named Dr. Frida Jordan decide to start an Armenian bone marrow registry where people would get tested and see if they're marrow matched. And it's like this event that's insane because you actually see the results of your actions. Like sometimes you do charity event. You're like, I hope somebody got that money. You know what I'm saying?

But this one, like they built a giant hospital and Armenian, all that stuff. And the reason we have a unique genetic makeup is that we're basically in breads. Oh, yeah. Because we're the only Christian country surrounded by Muslim countries. Around all the Haji's. Yeah, of the Haji's. Yeah, of those Tao people. So it's like, so we only hooked up with our own, you know?

Right. So it was like our hookup app was like ancestry.com. So genetically, you guys are a disaster. Yes. Yeah. Basically, and that's why we have to have this whole thing going on. So, but the Turks, but when they were like, suck our dicks, did they? They love this.

Not this, was it this? Yeah, they like suck our dicks. Okay. Fuck you guys. Is that guns or is that limp dicks just bouncing around? It's just telling two people to suck your dicks at the same time. Okay. Go back and forth.

Back and forth. Double go job. It's just like, it's like Turkey, Armenia. Let's go at it. Yeah. They had a weird thing and there were war crimes committing. And it's so interesting that there's actually something called the young Turks, which is, and I love their political views, but you're literally named after like that region's Nazis.

You know, they like, they went and slaughter a bunch of people. And you're like, so this was like during World War One or this was her 1917. So wouldn't that be so that was, I think, yeah, right around that or a little before it. Right. I thought that'd be during that. Is that wrong? No. Right before it.

That's World War Two. That's World War Two. 17, 1917. Yeah. 1914 to 1918. Yeah. So it's during the war. Yeah.

Okay. Damn. So let's see. Armenian. You sound kind of upset about that. He seemed to be holding the grudge on that. He seemed to be fired up. I mean, we got one movie that didn't do well.

Yeah. And you also had a great, you had Christian, but yeah, we have one movie. Armenian genocide. But you guys have the Kardashians, aren't you? Are you stoked about that? Is that even Stephen? Yeah. Well, yeah.

I mean, they're like the most famous people ever. Who's worse? Kim Kardashian or her two younger sisters? Who just like think of Pepsi, confusing, you know, like hand people Pepsi, everyone stops fighting. That was amazing. So now they put on a t-shirt. You see this?

Yes. Like unbelievable. They're the worst. Fucking on desk. These girls through their own images up over like the doors, Pink Floyd, Biggie. So stupid. And then how amazing. But the backlash was so swift that there was, I mean, 20, like they were testing.

Like maybe we can get away with this. Everyone's like, fuck no, you can't. They're like, sorry anyway. And moved on. Like it was just, it's a blink of an eye. They're like, we tried it. People said no, but I don't know that they lost any of anyone that liked them. You know,

No, because the younger, the, the tweeny boppers that are into them are like, who's Biggie or who's whatever they're ripping off. Basically what DJs do, literally DJs do that. Puffy combs. That's all he did. We put like, yeah, at the club over, like, over, like everybody doing real singing. Like the police. Yeah.

Which is all they did. They're like, hey, we're going to take you and I'm going to put you right here. And now it's my thing. You're right. I never thought of it like that. Right. They're like, it was for music. Yeah.

What? It's actually an excellent argument. That's genius. Yeah. Hello. Think about it. Like when Biggie's mom came out and was like super, so about it, they could have been like, did you guys contact sting when you put out?

That's true. It's so true, man. Cause that the hip hop did especially Puffy who I, by the way, I love him. I loved it. I think he's a genius. That guy is like a mogul and brilliant in so many ways, but his era specifically was like, that's a hot song. I'm just going to go to it and take that, take that, take that.

And then people were like, that's an awesome song. And when did you come up with that? And people were like, that's fucking the stones. Yeah. Did he not get a, did he not get penalized? They, they buy. They license it. They end up paying a fortune to do it.

That's the thing is it, I guess it is ultimately worth it. You make enough money. Yeah. Vanilla ice, ice ice baby is just under pressure. But he got screwed on. Now he was trying to say, there's that great interview where he's like, that's, Da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. That's not going to hold up.

And dude, to take from like anything involving Freddie Mercury is like, blasphemy. I mean, the song is amazing. Have you ever seen Queen at Wembley Stadium? No. It is not just a music. The greatest performance I've ever seen in my life. Like this guy owns this crowd. Like I've never seen anybody own a crowd before.

He's running around. He's got those bad British teeth where they're just like, it looks like a gateway to a haunted fucking house. I miss that. It's just like the gaze. Wait, we didn't finish our... Oh yeah, we're still in the international space. By the way, it says that Armin and Genocide is hoax. So...

Moving along. Moving along. La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. Somebody, somebody next next next next next next. I noticed we've been watching you guys for a while. I noticed the gentleman from Russia popped back there. And what's it like up there where there's nothing other than what you have in common is why you're together. That's got to be a great feeling.

And I bet you guys probably just forget that you're from different places at some point. Oh my god. Oh, dad. There's no one. Okay. At the highest levels of like business, these CEOs, they love to go to like Dominatrix and just get the shit kicked out of them. Yeah. Because they got to do this shit.

Yeah. This is not him. Right. Do you guys just sing about freedom up there? Right. See, that's what bothers us so much. Yeah, he's a liar. I don't believe that this is authentic.

No. I don't think he cares. He's a faker. I think he wants to be like, you guys take shits out in the fucking space right now. Isn't that crazy? Of course. Yeah. Well, the first question was a normal question.

Do you guys ever feel like it's not gravity, gravity? Yeah. That was the first question. And that's like something dumb we'd ask. Now he's like, everybody loves me. I gotta ask something. Yeah. Yeah.

Where are you from? Everything's in common. I'm just a boy from Oklahoma. How are you? Yeah, shucks. Shut up. You fucking asshole. Ask about the shits.

That's really what I would ask them to. I'd come all over my face. That's what you want to ask. How do you guys jerk off? That's another one. Yeah. Y'all get, y'all want to nut the same time. Y'all have pornography up there?

You'd have to beat off upside down, right? So, shut up. Where is that coming from? Where is that coming from? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Alright, so shut up. Where is that coming from? Where is that coming from? Where is that coming from?

Where is it coming from? Where is that coming from? Alright, let me see. Come on down, alright. So, shut up. Where, where is that, where's I come from? Where's that coming from? Where is that coming from?

Where does the come from? I was up in space and jacking my dick. What? Space Jack. Space Jack, yeah, that's the song that I wrote for you guys. Don't you feel those? Like, there's so much of this in entertainment

though, in general. Like, it's almost got like, politics, where it's, like, you have to have this pristine image to get anything going. It's all bullshit. That's why these podcasts are great, right? Yeah. You can literally make it. This is so different too.

Like, I just did an hour and a half of press before this on the phone, radio, for upcoming dates. And it's like, you know, you could tell when they're cool right away. It's like, it's like, you're just 30 seconds in and you're like, alright, man. And then sometimes they're like, you're married to a comedian, what's that like? And I'm like, oh, fuck.

And I just start like, you know, I'm like, like one of them was like, so is your wife coming on this? You're like, I don't want to bring her with me. Yeah. And he was like, um, alright, I didn't mean to upset you. I'm like, dude, I'm fucking kidding. Yeah, man. And like, it just, he was so, they all asked the automated questions,

you know, what can people expect of this show? Oh my God. And it's just, it's all corporate, dude. It is. And there's such a world out there. Yeah. That I think, like, and you see it happening in comedy right now. It's like, I'm starting to like, you know, like, I couldn't,

clubs wouldn't hire me because I was crazy. Yeah. But now it's like comedy's caught up to what I'm doing. Comedy's in a good place right now. It's in a great place. And like these clubs are still like, I need clean comedy. It's like, that doesn't exist. That world is not real.

Did you ever do juniors in Erie? No. Because nobody would hire me. No, of course not. They knew it was up. They, they had a, uh, no cursing, no innuendo, no top, bad top. I did it twice. I did it as a feature and a headliner.

And I got, one time I got up, she's like, did you say penis when you're up there? And I go, it's anatomically correct. And she's like, all right, but just please. I was like, where does that exist? Uh, in the Mormon, like, you know, ultra religious. That's the thing is the fear is that somebody won't buy a ticket to your dumb show or some sponsor's going to pull out. You know, this guy sells out multiple arena like 20.

Can we see more? Is there more of them being ridiculous and funny? Let's see what it says next. Do you ever just forget your differences and learn? God damn. I'm sorry. That's the wrong one. Now do you put those in yourself or do you, is there somewhere that has all those?

No, I put it in myself. Oh my God. There's only about 600 on them. This is seven. How do you remember all them? Yeah, there's seven years of them. You've never done drugs, have you? Not a lot.

It's been a while. Yeah. Yeah. OMG. Well, I do think that. My pussy's wet. International culture. It's one where we're supportive of each other as a team and not worrying about what nationality

we are. I think. What is that haircut? I would think that nationality is to be defined on your knowledge of stuff and sharing that with each other. That's a great message. Who are these people? It is a great message.

You fucking spit. So. Wait, would you rather? I can't believe the guy just said that. I know. And he was the lady with the Dairy Queen driving fucking thing on her hair. You want her to be a large? That is, by the way, can you imagine her telling you what you did wrong in the order?

She would totally be your manager. You did so many things wrong. First of all, you didn't welcome them right. You didn't say your name in the greeting. Why didn't you ask them if you wanted sprinkles on that? Wait, Tommy. Okay, would you rather have sex with a moose soup lady? Moose soup lady.

Or the female astronaut. Well, I feel like Sammy doesn't know what we're talking about. No. That's not really fair. So, let's key him in on the moose soup lady. There was a speedboat race in, I think, West Virginia. And this lady was watching. She watched the guy wipe out.

And we don't get to see her, but she's the moose soup lady for us. We imagine her in our lives. We have imagination of what she's like. You can hear her. Fuck! You guys are doing good! Tommy, hurry up! Is that Charlie?

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Son of a... Come down later for moose soup! Isn't that the... Yeah! You guys come down here after. I got moose soup and everything.

All right! You guys are doing good! Son of a... Hey, I got you on video! Dirty son of a... Oh, man. Oh, my God. Come down for moose soup after!

You boys! Don't you think that she has a horrific sexual history? She's from here. She was the town bike. There's no way. Come on, buddy. Everybody's taking a ride. You can tell, right?

You can just tell. Just for 30 seconds of video. She's a combination of, like, cafeteria lady with bus driver, right? With fucking DMV worker. How many smokes a day? How many packs? All of them.

All of them. Anything available. What's the brand? What are we thinking? Generic. I'm thinking generics now. Or roll their own. Or some kind of Native American one.

See, I don't think she rolls her own because that's just too much labor. She's lazy. She buys the cartons. If she was like, Sammy, go get me a pack. And you brought back a single pack. She's like, a pack means 20 packs.

You fucking idiot. She would get on you for only bringing one. 100%. Karen. Come down later for moose soup! There's no way that does not involve a moomoo. Yeah, no. And like, you're like both three,

all three guys on that boat are fucking, if they come over for moose soup, that is part of the equation. That's code, right? Yeah. For three ways. The moose soup. So wait a minute.

Who do you choose? The ace. Oh, AMG. The ace. So. The asexual NASA astronaut lady. So let's take a look at her. I think that up here on orbit,

we have kind of an international culture. Oh, do you? So it's either, it's her or who we imagine the moose soup lady to be. What are you? Oh, definitely. This one, this will be horrible sex. Yeah.

But I think, I still think she's less disgusting than moose soup. I think I would go astronaut chick all day. Yeah. Why is that, Sammy? What? I mean, she probably keeps everything together. She probably does pH balance on her vagina.

Like she puts a little pH thing, make sure that the acidic's fucking right. Doesn't it bother you that she doesn't like men or that doesn't turn you off? I've looked up the lesbians before. Yeah. I'm built like once a fucking, you know. Have you really hooked up with the lesbians?

Oh dude, there was this chicken in Arizona and she was, my brother used to run strip bars and I would always go do the gigs in Arizona. I want to hang out with the triply men sometime. I feel like you guys just have story after story. Just imagine me more, my brother's awesome. I would say he's a little more conservative than I. He's, for a guy who runs a strip bar,

he's a little more, he's one of those Libertarian dudes, you know? So we're kind of the same, but I'm just a little crazier. He's more conservative. And, you know, so he'd run these strip bars and I'd show up and there's this one girl who was a stripper and she was just like, you know, I've been a lesbian for the last like five years.

You're the first dick I've had. And instantly you feel like Jackie Robinson, you know, it's like, you got to represent your people. If you fuck this up, they never get a shot again. Right. So I just had to work my ass off. So yeah, dude, I've hooked up with it. It's not, it's, it's interesting as shit.

Well, I mean, wouldn't they be less responsive to. No, they into it at all. Yeah. Something is into it. She was into it. Did I ever, oh yeah, I told this the last time I was on your show, but there was this like lesbian and Dana point. She was like a lipstick lesbian.

She was gorgeous. Yeah. And she probably got cheated on by her boyfriend, ran to the lesbian for a little while, you know? So it's like, yeah, sometimes they're hot. I've done that. I've been like on gigs where lesbian couples come out and you know, the ones to do and the ones to check

and the chick is fucking hot. And she wants to get weird, you know. So you're going for the astronaut. Yes. Over the fucking large Marge. Tell him large Marge. Say. Uh, yeah.

Tom. Is it Karen or? I think I'm going to go with this, the astronaut too. The other way. I mean, the moose soup lady is horrifying. Does she, she could take out her teeth, gum it. She'd be gumming you. But the thing is with the, with NASA lady is that she is a

sexual. I mean, there is not a hormone. There's not an estrogen left. If she likes guys to begin with, she was very indifferent. You know, she reminds me of sir. No. Do you guys remember the old police academy movies? Yeah.

Remember the blonde with the big rack was like militant, but still love it. She could be that. She'd be like, she could be like a mullet. You know what I'm saying? Business up here. Once cameras off fucking party back there. You know what I'm saying?

She might like to get weird, man, but like, she's like, I'm a woman. I have to work harder and be more serious. And then off stage, she's just gobbling Russian dicks. You know what I'm saying? Trying to bring people together. Could be. Why do you guys have Trump and just start sucking them off?

Man. Yeah, it could be. It could be. I mean, I still think this is a far, far better option than. Come down there for moose soup. I think so. I think that's a bad one. OMG.

You want to see what happens next with Gartha? Yeah. Here we go. I'm fascinated by him. I want to introduce you to my better 99.9%. Miss you would actually make a trip with us here today. So I wanted to come talk to you. Trish is here.

There's Trish. Hi, Trish. Hi. Well, how you doing? How's that for a power couple? He is fucking nerd. I feel like this nerd set it up and then the space lady is like, who fucks this bitch? Yeah.

Like this whole thing you set up is all for you. It's kind of like when Crystal Lea mentions he might have a girlfriend on stage and all the girls are like, oh, Garth Brooks. Oh, here's my wife. Oh, fuck. Oh man. What's Trish going to say? Hi, guys.

I just love to tune for America. Are there any bald eagles up there? I'm watching you guys and listening to both of you and just thank you both for your service. And Garth has probably said all that, but just honored to be here. And just, I can't get over it. I'm going to be doing the spinning microphone and the socks. You guys, the socks are on point. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just a natural. How much money do you got to make to do that? Like they're going to dump money on you. And you're already making good money. To start being like this.

To being like that. Dude, he's probably making like right now with his touring, like 80 to 100 million a year. Okay. Would you do that for 180 million? Start talking like that. Like, man, you, they got good cookies up there or what? I think so. I think so.

Are you guys playing baseball? Yes. Catch baseball. Like America. I would love to be in that position and then have you and the people that listen to this probably hold me accountable. Like be like, remember when you were like this and they show, oh, clip of me and I'd be like, that was way back.

That was before cross. That was before cross. Yeah. And I just go off. And I just look at someone like shut that shit off. I honestly don't think I could even know what to say. Like to be normal, to act normal. Do you know even to, how do you even do this?

How do you learn the script of what's normal? Yeah. Yeah. They would probably like, no matter how high you guys are, you're not higher than Jesus. Yeah. So it's just so. Can you see God up there? You know, God's high five in you right now.

Do you really, do you feel like you're closer to Christ? Yeah. Yeah. Can you see the angels? God. Like that. But you listen to like this, like there's people. So weird.

Like you ever heard that song, they use it in all commercials like, follow me into the jungle. You ever hear that? Or, follow you into the jungle. I don't think so. So it's a song that this rock band. I've been doing it. And they played it in every fucking commercial.

But then someone thought it might be a good idea to play it live at some event. It is the most dog shit song you'll ever, because it's only meant for commercials. Right. But play them. There's like huge down times. You remember, if you weren't exposed to certain types of music, like I never knew that that like Ford, like a rock stuff was a real song. That's a song?

Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah. That's a. Like a rock. What is that? Seagirt? Oh, like a rock.

That's a real song? Yeah, that is. I thought that was just for Ford. I thought that was fake too. Me too. Like a song in a commercial. Then you hear in real life. And then you can't like it.

It's ruined. It's ruined. It's like. Bro, you Turkish bro. It's Seagirt. It's Bob Seagirt. But then they're. But then.

Yeah. That's just a song. What was the one they just had? So bad. They just did notorious PIG in a Budweiser commercial. Oh, no. And it just was disgusting. Gross.

But then there are songs that are real that I can't believe are real. Like the other day we were in the kitchen going in a shirtless stand up. Yeah. Next to you. And you're like, that's real. And people love that. Love it. That's why they're like the equivalent of super clean comics.

You ever mean like they're so angry and they're bitter and they treat people like shit because they made business decisions. You know, goers probably the nicest people to hang out with those guys are fucking like the most deviant comedians are the ones that are like someone said to me the other day that Nick the Apollo is the nicest guy in the world. I go. It totally makes sense to me. Yeah.

Because he goes up and says everything he wants to say on stage. Yeah. David tells like that. Super nice. Sam Tripoli's like that. Thank you. Ari Shafir is like the nicest guy. You know.

But then you look at the monster that Bill Cosby is right. And he's up there talking about bullshit for years. I'm just a nice guy. No, you're not. And then on top of that, it's like telling other people. Sorry. Sorry. Telling other people how to do comedy.

Right. Like that was really my biggest problem with the whole lies of Schlesinger thing was that she was like, oh, you're working dirty, blah, blah, blah, low hanging fruits. Like you're not doing rocket science up there. You know, and I love you to death, but it's like I'm just tired of like people who make business decisions, getting mad at people who go up there and just try to give a piece of their soul for their art. You know, you know, being the Carl Sagan of dick jokes, which I've often called myself.

I just like to go up there and just fucking have fun. And like, you know, financially it's, it's led itself to where it is, you know. And I just like, do you? Don't worry about what I, if you want to be a business person, go do it. Just don't tell other people how they should be doing comedy. That's my whole problem. That's a good point. Yeah.

Don't, don't tell everyone else, right? Yeah. It's like you want to be a rapist who does clean comedy. Bill Cosby. Yeah. Right. Wow. Isn't that nuts?

And the whole time. He gave so much, so many unsolicited lessons to people. You know, Cosby, like how to live, how to dress, how to fucking. Well, you remember that Wanda Sykes moment where it was like, she's like, how'd you guys do it back in your days? And he's like, we spoke English and I'm like, everyone's like, damn. Oh yeah. At that, at the award show.

Yeah. And then you find out he's probably roofing everybody there. Oh man. Yeah. So dark. There's a Sterling Sharp guy and not something Darren Sharp. He was sharper. He was a football player.

Yeah. Don't give that to Sterling Sharp. Jesus Christ. No, he's great. Yeah. The one guy went to jail for like forever. He was like a Hall of Famer, good looking black athlete. Darren Sharper.

Who's rich as shit. Yeah. And he would be roofing girls. So crazy dude. Yeah. It's like you could just stack chicks. He's in prison for a long time now. Yeah.

It's fucking terrible. It's crazy man that he, but that dude, he was in the league for a long time. Yeah. He was like all decade. And then like all the charges were like in the division teams that you're like, oh, like he had like foreign warlins. Yeah. You can actually check the schedule.

Yeah. And then the next day, how many? All right. Calls for the cops. I forget. What a piece of shit that guy is. Yeah. I forget who said this years ago.

They're like the best serial killer would be a traveling comic. Well, there was a guy who was a rapist, a famous comic who would like every, he'd go play campuses and there was rapes on every campus where he performed. Yeah. They just looked up his schedule. So weird, right? He just looked up. His fucking signature is still on the wall at the comedy magic club.

Oh, really? Yeah. It's up because, you know, they, everyone signed things for years and they're like, that dude's in prison. Darren Sharper was on the Hall of Fame ballot. Yeah. Oh yeah. Well, I mean, yeah.

Crazy. Oh, Jay got cues. It took like NBC, like a month to fire him. Let's not go crazy. Let's hold off for a little bit. Vince champ. That's his name. Yeah.

That's the comedian. Oh, that was raping people. Yes. Is there any comedy of him on YouTube? I bet he is. Because he was the, he won Star Search in 1992. Oh, yeah. There you go.

See? Yeah. Proves our theory. Yeah. The biggest psychos are the ones who are pretending not to be who are, I'm just relatable. I'm just talking about things every night. I don't think you have to work dirty to be funny.

Am I right? Oh my God. Oh my God. What's up with Walmart? Am I right? Am I God cats and dogs? They're different. They are totally different.

Yeah. There's that. That, um, what's his name has been on here before. Um, uh, Brido Bridenstine. He told that great story about Norm McDonald in Iowa. Yeah. 20 years ago where he went, um, and it was, it was built as a family friendly show and it was like three or 4,000 people and they bought and, um, Darryl

Hammond went up, then Jim Brewer and then Norm and Norm's first joke was about, uh, he saw a video of a pig fucking a woman and Brido is at the show. He says as he's saying it, like he just see like headstand up and then Norm was like, would you want to talk about losing your luggage at the airport? I'm with you, dude. Of course. Of course. But people come for that.

They like this. I wish I do. There's part of me that wishes I could like that stuff. Oh, I know all the time. I wish I were normal inside and I could, and then I could just watch friends, marathons, and think they're fantastic. I want to love network television. Let me love this.

I say one of those couples doing that going around the world. That's crazy. And I just like, I go home. I like the old, my mother is like this. She's like convinced Islamic rapist, jihadists are everywhere in upstate New York. We live by cows, by the way. There's a cow crossing a block from where I love that the conspiracy theory guy can't believe his mom has a conspiracy theory about the mother.

She's watched too much CNN, right? Yeah, sure. Too much of that shit. So I like, like she wanted to come see me in Syracuse. I was playing the funny bone and she wanted to stay in my hotel room. I'm like, I'm the only guy that brings back chicks. That's your mom after your fucking show. And she slept with her purse in the bed next to her like this.

And I'm like, mom, the only person could steal that is me. That, what are you trying to say about me? But she, uh, all she watches is HGN and it's just, every show's a gay guy selling real estate in fucking Manhattan. But she's pleased, right? She's, she's content. She just loves it. Yeah.

She just loves it. But every show's a gay guy selling fucking real estate. You know what? I was going to say the one show that I don't understand why anybody can watch are those like the Kelly and Regis in the morning, like that, that Kelly rip on whoever. Now it's Ryan Seacrest or they talk about nothing for an hour. Like who's, who's tuning in? What weird shit do you think Ryan Seacrest is into?

He's got to be in the weird shit. He's big on that like Garth persona too. He's like, Hey guys. And it's like all smiles. We got the special kids from the Olympics here, man. And they really let us know we could do anything if we dream about it. We'll be right back with special kids. And then he turns and what do you think that the thing that he says it next is get this

fucking Jew to stop looking at me like he says, There's no way he doesn't like to get pegged in the ass. There's no way he gets whatever weird chick he's doing a reality show with. Put a big fucking angry red dildo and just no loop. Just ram it. Don't tell him. Heard him. Make him cry.

And that's how who gets on the show. He's got to be in the weird shit. Allegedly. Yeah. So many of them do the, especially with these, these phony personas, man. You know, it was not phony at all. The fucking president and he actually gave me a shout out. I wanted to show you guys.

Yeah. It's pretty nuts. Saw this video. Thank you very much. Mr. Trump for, for mentioning me. The water champion Tom. Yes. The water champion.

He still is the water champion and I'm still running this motherfucker. You heard it right. Still running the motherfucking industry. Look strong. You heard it right. Look strong. Still running the motherfucking industry. Bert, you can't be a water champion.

You're too fat. Oh, wow. Damn. So articulate, man. Yeah. That's what I love about a president. Yeah. I'm like, God, that guy is eloquent with his speech.

Hold it. We've been ran. You are the industry. I don't know what you're doing in it. Yep. Little Trump running the industry now. Hold it. Stay out my motherfucking industry.

Yeah. You heard it right. Stay out my motherfucking industry. For I let the secret server run wild on you, brother. You know what's the most presidential thing about him is his gold grills. That's not love it. No. The hair is the fucking best.

He upgraded his wig actually. And his skin is so clean. Yes. It's unbelievable. Man, he's keeping his promises. He's building. That's right. The wall is high and motherfucking tight.

Taking it all over the world. That's right. I'm taking it all over the world on my tour from the hood to the White House. Okay. You heard it right. My tour from the hood to the White House. LA, get ready. Oh, shit.

I'm not waiting for the prompt for Trump to come out. Trump 90s. I think you mean little Trump 90s, babe. That's what I meant. Trump. Little Trump 90s. Little Trump. Yeah.

Little Trump 90s on Instagram. That's the president. That's my president. And you know, check him out. My president. This guy's definitely my president. My president. Sure, man.

He's much better than the old president. The real. I'll take him. Right here. He'll get shit done. He's getting done. Look at that. PM from Germany.

Pregnant. Right. I mean, that guy would totally hit Merkel's. Enter name. Yeah. I am. Right. Totally raw dog and get a fucking trade back going.

Get your pregnant. Now you got to work with me. You have my baby. Right. Merkel. He would definitely drop a seed in Merkel and be like, we got so different. I know.

Right. Yeah. Such an old picture. We got to update this picture. Yeah. We took that at Sears years ago. That's so great. Dude.

It's so great. They looked at us like, what the fuck are you guys? You look like you're that one brother in that family of the parents who had 90 kids and, but you're the one that blessed it all of them. You look like you finger blasted all your sister. Oh man. It's terrible.

Jeez. Okay. Too much. Jesus Christ. Jesus. No, it's never. Oh man. It's never.

Wait. So the people know you mentioned there's an album out. Is there an album out? I have a double album out. Double album. It's called the diabolical. The first album is storytelling. I got some great stories about how I got away from a police

helicopter chase, a couple of gigs I did in the desert, some crazy shit, Special Olympics show. And then the second album is called Friday night late show. And it's basically me bombing for an hour. Really? I so admire the guys that do shit like that. I'm putting it out there. Where did you record that?

Sacramento punchline. And they were just sloppy, sloppy. And I'm like, you know what? How many times are you going to be able to put out a double album? I'm like, fuck it. I'm going to put it out and see how it goes. And about five minutes in, I realized this crowd is not playing along.

Yeah. And then I just start ripping them a new asshole for like 45 minutes. And I had the best time. Really? Yeah. So I put it out. So it's like two hours of power.

And there's like, there's, there's, there's our major bombing moments. Oh yeah. Yeah. But even my bombing is entertaining. I go out in the blaze of glory. You know what I'm saying? You go for it.

Oh yeah. I'll grab the fucking planes, fucking controllers flight right into the building. I don't give a fuck. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I like to have fun. I mean, that's just O R late night comedy.

You got to get blood from a stone sometimes with that comedy show. I mean, on what, like explain to people what late night O R means even though, so that they know. Okay. The best way to describe it, you are the hundredth man at a 99 gang bank. It is, it is sloppy, beat up, ready to go home.

And you got to somehow get a reaction from this crowd. Everything's been talked about a thousand times. They've seen every famous person they've ever wanted to see. And you just got to somehow get them to not only laugh, but you can't, you've got to entertain them enough that they stay for the next guy. Yeah. So there's all this kind of pressure on you to do it.

So I love it. On those late night spots to people ever like, do you see guys just go like, if this sucks, they're just like, just sabotage the spot. Well, fuck it. And like not try. Does that happen? I, I think occasionally that happens, but I think like all the people at the end are kind of like friends with everybody.

And we kind of all got to like, we, I got to keep these people here for the next person. You do. You really do. I think everybody kind of works together in this weird way. You got to have energy at that hour. Right. And it's, it's the comedy store.

I mean, like, regardless of whether you're doing a, a, you know, a 945 or a 1am, it's still the comedy store. And no matter how, how late you are, you've still blessed to be like one of what 3000, 4000, 5000 comics in LA to get a spot in that room. Yeah. And that time. Right. So it's like,

You're one of like 40 people working that night. Basically. Yeah. Like, you know, I mean, That's crazy. Like in a city of this, this, this size, The attrition rate is so crazy for comedy. Like when we all started around the same time,

When you think about who we started with, it's crazy. It's harder than Harvard law. Like it's so hard. There's nobody left. It's basically comedy store versus New York City comedy. Like, Right. That's all.

If there was no comedy store, I think LA comedy be in really bad shape, But it's the one place that's kind of mecca. Whereas you go out to like New York, It's like such a different fun vibe out there and you can explore. But I think the comedy store is the one place where you can take, Well, I don't know the lineups are so killer now, But it's like, it's mecca.

So it's like, Even if you're doing a one o'clock in the morning spot, You still want to do the best that you can. Yeah. Because if you start tanking it, They'll take that away from you. And they'll put somebody else in there. They will watch it though.

They'll keep tabs on it. We'll get out. It's like, you know, Like this guy is just sad. There's some snitches too, man. There's some snitches, cry baby bullshit going on, Which I have one rule. Never talk bad about a comic to a booker.

I think that's just the worst fucking thing in the world. Yeah, that's real shitty. I think that's the low, I mean like, It's just below stealing jokes. It goes stealing jokes and then shit talking. Even if I don't like somebody, I would never talk shit to them to a booker. But people do that.

And so you get those late night spots. I think they're the only, They're the only spots to work on shit at the store. Those early spots, man, You got a fucking sling heat. Because it's just murder's row. Yeah. When you get like past 1130,

It's like, it starts to thin out. You can take a couple more chances. And that's kind of what I, I do miss that part of the comedy story where it was like a workout room. But I also understand that, you know, Adam and Eric and all those guys have to have that place sold out or else they'll knock it down,

turn into like a fucking condominium or some shit like that. Yeah. And by the way, that as far as workout rooms, I feel like there's really nothing like the belly room. The belly room is like fucking amazing. I'm starting a new, new room. It's called the dojo.

And I'm going to start doing it. We're doing it Thursdays. And the goal is to kind of get it going. So it's like, you can actually go work on shit. That'd be great. It's right down the street from the comedy store. The show would start at eight. You guys could do your spots

and then run down to your store set. And but you can do 15, 20 of just working on shit. See, I like when it's, I like when the show, like people say work on shit at all kinds of shows, but I like when it's designated as such. Like when it's advertised as such. So the audience goes, this is an actual gym right now. That changes the dynamic of the show.

You really feel like you can take real chances. It's not like you're doing a regular Saturday night show somewhere and they're like, work shit out. And you're like, okay, but it's like when the show, that's why I like that, that stand up on this spot. And I love that show, Jeremy Watkins. Yeah. And use of new material show.

It's like, this is, this is not proven stuff. This is, you know what I mean? You really feel like you can really jump in. You have to be able to fail. Yeah. And sometimes in LA, it's very hard. Yeah. Like the improv is like Pablo Francisco a long time ago told me,

never work on new shit at the improv. Like that's the office. That's where the industry goes, hang out. Now the comedy store is kind of that. Yeah. But it's like, and then it used to be at the comedy store because there was like 20 people in the crowd and everybody was doing coke in the back

and fuck and having weird fucking weirdness. You could work on shit, but it's not like that anymore. So I, I'm working on this place every night. And you sit fucking 50 people in there. It's packed out. That's a great idea. It's great. Let us know when, when it's up and running.

For sure dude. My goal is to get going Wednesday through Saturday and have this guy, my buddy TK, him and I run it. And then you could show up every day and whenever you want to work on shit. Wait, is it TK, what's his name? Yeah, I forget TK's last name, but he's like a comic. You guys been around forever?

Yeah. He's a friend of mine and I, cause it's at this bar that I saw and like the use of an upstairs. I'm like, this would be a great place for a comedy club. And I go there and TK is our room. We've been friends for a long time. Like I want to do a new room here. So a new night.

He's like, let's do it. So we've done it. It's been packed out the last two times. I want to start getting you every week. I want to get it. So it starts running itself. Cool. By the way, I think it's so funny that they had like the old cheat

code to getting passed for midst. He was, I love that that it was like ethnic thing, family thing. Your favorite bit. Right. So I wish I had known that I fucking did not get passed for her. And I remember I was on stage and I look and she was, you know, straight back, like we're Adam basically sits. And I could, I'm in the middle of like first bit or like second

bit and I can see her talking to somebody. And I'm like, oh, getting hijacked. And like, yeah, yeah. And I'm just like trying to like say what I'm saying. And then, you know, I'm turning here. And I would look back and she was, I could see her still being like, no, no, no, like just, just having a conversation. I was like, fuck.

And then I, you know, I'm like, what happened? They're like, nah, I shouldn't know. Man, but, but a comic the same night. I remember this opened with like, I know what you're thinking. Like I look like this past. Yeah. Well, she was old school, you know, and she was a little older, but she, she had a vision too.

There was all these famous stories of like famous people coming up, calling her up, going, Hey, I'm blah, blah, blah. I'm on blah, blah, blah. I'd love to play your club. And she's like, I don't give a fuck. Hang up, you know? So I, I get, she treated me well. I don't know what it was.

I was getting tons of spots in there and it was a blessing. It was also kind of cursed cause you like, you're getting like five spots a week at the comedy store. I don't want to go on the road. I make money here. I'm doing all these live shows, selling all the sad stuff. You know, I mean this, I'm making all these sponsorship money. So I don't want to go on the road as much as I did.

And then it's like, becomes this kind of false victory. So I think the key is to do a little bit there. Then go out and practice your kung fu out there. It's like, now you're getting a lot of spots there. And it's like, it's such an interesting thing. And the reason I think it's one of the hardest rooms to do is because there's no host. You have to go up.

It could be like five o'clock fire, like Rogan just flamethrowed that fucking room and guess who has to go up right after that. You're right. You're right. And you know, it's so interesting. It makes you up your game. You got to, you know, you can't really fuck around. It makes you focus on what you're doing.

I think I'm going to have to follow Joey Diaz all the time just to see if I could crack that code. Cause it's just, I mean, it's a combination of like funny, well written, super energy. Like I, like I followed him a couple of times for the first five minutes. I'm like Charlie Brown's mom. No one's listening. And everyone's like Joey Diaz and Uncle Joey.

And then after they settle, by the way, that dude, especially for 15 to 20 minutes is a nightmare. Like, you know, it's like that amount of time for him is like, cause he can really like just drop a grenade. You know, it doesn't have to like, it's, it's. Rogan used to bring me out with him and I'd always have to, I'd have to follow Diaz. Yeah.

Yeah. And one time in San Jose, dude, he opened up and did like 12 minutes of like next level ass-eating material, like next level. And I just want to go, what do I have that can follow that? And it's nothing. It's nothing. And you go, Rogan, why are you making me follow this guy? I go, following Joey Diaz at a Joe Rogan show is like featuring

or middling for Van Halen, but the opening act is David Lee Roth. You know? I had a, I had a number of Rogan tour dates where I would, follow him too. And I'd be like, this sucks, man. I used to be, you know, I do just settle in hard to the material, not try to fight what he had done. Just try to like stay in the, in the material and see if like maybe

a minute later they'll kind of gravitate to you. That's kind of what I've learned, man. Over time, like at some point at the comedy store, my material was carrying me when I was like, had Bambi legs, you know what I'm like, I just let the material carry me. Right. Now it's kind of like I can follow anybody. I've been, I mean, like, of course, during my first two years

at the comedy store for at least the first year, I got bumped by Dice every night. He just come in. He would come in, find me on the lineup, be like, I want to go here and he would just do an hour before me. And then Rogan, I had to follow Rogan all the time. So any week I was either following Rogan, Dice, or Eddie Griffin doing literally two and a half, three hours.

Oh my God. I remember seeing him do, by the way, way, you know, work there, just hanging out there. And he was like standing on room, on tables in the OR, like walking from table to table, smoking, and talking about Jewish conspiracy theories. Oh, yeah. About how the highways or the roads in DC,

how they designed them. And I was like, what is going on? And I wasn't a regular there. So I was just like stepping in like, this is what happens here. Yeah. This guy talks about these crazy theories and, and smokes and nobody says anything. Like it was bananas to watch, you know?

Like I was really, I was so floored by what I saw. And not in a good way. I was just like, I need to stay away from this place. They're nuts. Well, I was born and bred in that shit. Yeah. And then I would go on the road and thinking everything's the comedy store and just go nuts.

And it was just like, it was like wrong thing. So I had to readjust myself. That's interesting to go out going, okay, not everything's the comedy source. So my style in comedy, I call it gator roll. It's where it's like, you know, all the gators kill things. They, they grab at the top and then they slowly drag it down and then they drown it and spin it around.

It's not really simple with maybe some shit, my pants material, right? Can bring them in for laitability. And then next thing, you know, I'm doing a bit about smoking crack with this fucking black robot guy that happened to me one time. There you go. Come down later, promotion. Perfect.

Oh good. Dude, give me, give me the plugs. Where can people find everything? Guys, check out my double album, the diabolical. It's on iTunes. It's two hours of super power. Get Sam Tripoli's album. It's great.

I'm going to shoot a special. I'm going to shoot my own special. And I'm just going to put it out. I'm not even going to try to sell it anywhere. Where are you going to shoot it? You know, I'm trying to find the right place. I want to do the Viper room because I just love doing standup there. I'll be perfect for you.

And it's got kind of like a name cache and it's just really small and simple. I just want to shoot it, name your price. I'm going to probably shoot that in the next month or two. You're going to wear your Mr. Magoo glasses or no? I don't know, man. I don't know.

I don't know. It's hip hop rap video. I like it. I might have cornrows by then. And then check out my podcast, tinfoil hat. I just did a swap cast with a Duncan Trussell and then I just did one with Doug Stano. Just go to tinfoil hat with Sam Tripoli and check out my YouTube page.

I upload something every day. YouTube.com backslash Sam Tripoli. I'll put up something I call opiate for the asses, which is just 30 minutes of just crowd work. Me ripping people. And then I do something called twerking in politics where I take twerk videos from Instagram and I put political messages over them. And I try to spell your mad man.

I love your Instagram. And wait, do you still do punch drunk? Right? Yeah. I do punch drunk with our Shafir. Oh, I wanted to show you guys the bleach and but we're out of time. But I did it with our Shafir and Jason Tebow. And you know, we're about to launch our own network.

We were talking to you a year ago, but the fucking websites finally done. Good. And we're going to just get all sports comedy channel going. I'm happy for you. It's a good idea. I love you. You're the first. You guys are the best.

You're the power couple of comedy. You're by far the funniest. And the fact that you guys, you guys are huge and you guys should be on everything all the time. But I think you guys have your own wonderful things going on. You don't fucking need that. You're the fucking two funniest people I know. And you're the nicest people I know.

We love you. We love you. Thanks for coming. Did I hijack your show? No. Okay. Not at all. It got weird with the pedophilia.

No. We go there. We weirded him. No. We do this thing about marrying your mom and stuff. Like it's very common theme. Yeah. No, no, no.

It's all, it's all good, man. All right, dude. It never gets weird enough here. I jerked out to a cousin once. Go on. I don't. It's. It's fine.

It's fine. Cousins. These are married cousins and royal families. It's just like the gaze. It's just like the gaze. It's just like the gaze. So you guys, please check out all of Sam's stuff. Thank you again for listening to the show and we'll leave you with.

I'm in Toronto at the end of the month. Oh, go see him. The Ballad of Top Dogs Balls by Skid. Thank you always for sending in the music and we'll leave you with that. And we'll see you next week. Bye guys. My jeans. I've seen my dad's balls.

I've seen my dad's balls. I've seen my dad's balls. His balls were enormous. I've seen my dad's balls. I've seen my dad's balls. His balls were enormous. Enormous. Gigantic, okay?

Look at your balls. I'm gonna talk to him about his balls. Look at your balls. I'm gonna talk to him about his balls. It looked like animal. Testicles. Animal. Like goat.

It looked like animal. Testicles. Animal. Testicles. That sounds awful. That sounds awful. Testicles. No, but watch.

No.