Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 430-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: January 10, 2018

We like foreigners and we like cursing. When foreigners curse? Magical.  Plus, you have SERIOUS questions about Blind people and their standards, twin girls and their periods and now peeing is brought into the equation - does it affect farts?? Tommy's parents are about to retire. Wait until you hear about Top Dog's newly crushed adventure. And don't forget to check out DISGRACEFUL - Tom's new 1 hour special. It begins streaming worldwide on NETFLIX January 12. 

Oh, man, and now ladies and gentlemen Jean Your main Jean is getting back out there. I Got some 2018 dates to announce I'm going to demois Iowa also known as Des Moines What is it? February February Mm-hmm eight nine and ten

I'm gonna be at the days Moines funny bones and Then also I added you're going there to Shark like titties. Yeah, I'm going to start like titties April 12th through 14th So I'll be there if you're in a either city go to Tom's girl comm slash tour and Get tickets shark like titties Des Moines

Iowa What else you got Jean? January 12th my eight o'clock show sold out at the ice house in Pasadena So we've added a ten o'clock show so get your tickets now that is coming up soon That is this Friday so Christina P online for those tickets February 2nd and 3rd So February see I didn't say it right right February. It's February. That's right. Hmm second third Shark like titties

Putah at wise guys come in your face club February 23rd one night one show only Calusa Casino in Calusa, California March 30th and 31st Portland, Oregon at the Hyrium Comedy Club Christina P online for your tics Let me see. I said it's a tics. I think yeah tics shorthand. Yeah, this is a What's it called? This is psycho funk shorthand by Eddie Bojangles. You love it. I can tell

You love it, huh? Yeah, I could see you wearing your high heels shoes dancing to this Me and my sisters out of the town Drough feel you tonight Did it again Eddie Bojangles, you don't need no man Time to get into the show Jean are you ready for one heck of a fun? Yeah, yeah, ready here we go. Let's get into it Jean Benchwood bloody Who is Randy don't bring anyone mother to this

Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura Christina You A quick reminder this happens as you know whenever something like this occurs But it is my duty and my obligation said duty duty an obligation to remind you your boy T buns has a brand new Netflix special

You can begin streaming worldwide this Friday, January the 12th Netflix the special is called disgraceful And you can stream it worldwide I'm very excited Don't forget to check it out tell your friends tell your family People expect from the lucky people expect one of my favorite interview questions about a comedy show It you can expect that I go for it politics. Are you me talking a lot of oh, yeah issues. It's so funny people wait They go, um, I hope you don't fuck up and do a bunch of Trump jokes Okay, right because that's what you're the political comic or even like like

But who are you to decide like what's what's fucking up and what's not? I mean like, you know, like yeah You mean personally for you would upset you. Okay. I hope you don't say anything that I take offense to Like no, that's not what I do. But like that's my favorite. I already don't like you Just so you know, I have a son. Yeah, send me the criteria on hair Tell me the that your personal criteria for what the special exactly all the turns it should take and the topics It should tackle and then if they're like that, you know, I was up. I was up to you I was with you up until this point. That's what they tell you. Oh, I've gotten those I had a guy who was so he loved my special

Until I made fun of Dick Clark and for him Dick Clark was the gold standard and he was very upset with me And well, then he liked a lot of it because that was the closing He was on board and then I I lost him there. So now I saw a lot of backlash for Chappelle, you know, so I haven't seen that too and then they're like you, you know This top and then they also some people were like you shouldn't have done Trump jokes. It's like why why shouldn't he you do it? He wants. Yeah, it's like, what are you talking about man? Yeah, he didn't like ask you What do you want to see and then went against your wishes? He's doing his own show. Yeah And also too, you know with I've been reading about the offense people have been taking and not people I should say

I should say the writers the the PC people they're going after Chappelle Yeah, and and my favorite I read an article is like, you know, he's unsympathetic to trans people And he should be more sympathetic to trans people of color Like as if to imply that Dave Chappelle is not only responsible for one type of trans But he should be thinking of the spectrum of all types of people with all types of gender identity and and colors And like he can't be responsible for all of it guys Like he's just a man with his point of view trying to make some jokes I'm just trying to share jokes, right? That's what he's responsible for. That's that's his job. He's responsible

He's responsible for going for jokes. Yeah, if he was like, I'm not doing jokes tonight Then you'd be like he's a very irresponsible at his job, right? And he should be taking into account every person of color with the race and the gender and the thing Like dude, give the guy a fucking break. He's a funny guy. He's a good entertainer. Yeah, just maybe he's not for you That's another option Yeah, I always like to remind people. Yeah, that's true. Maybe I'm not for you Maybe other people are not for you, but there are a lot of options, right? Yeah, how about that? It's one of my favorite ones to say to people who write to me about Netflix when they're like

I didn't like this part of your Netflix thing. I always write back. I wish they had other shows you could watch Right the catalog specials there. Yeah, just thousands of them without a sea of them But no, I'm I'm actually I'm very much looking forward to it coming out. I'm looking forward to everyone is a fun It was a fun tour. This is a Snapshot of like one of the best nights of the tour. So I think it's it's gonna be a fun special Well, it was super funny when you recorded it. I was there for that. You look great sounded great. I think the material is Outstanding I think people are your fans are gonna be very happy with this one. I hope so. I hope so. Yeah, it's a big deal I'll get off social media that day now. Yeah. Yeah, don't even come on. You know, I've read about

Some big actors they go to other countries. weren't you telling me that no I was telling you that ugly guy from Star Wars the one who plays far worse. I think you mean. Yeah, he was on girls Oh that ugly guy the ugly By the way, you know, I don't know what it is about the Star Wars casting because we just saw the latest installment Yeah, and everybody's fucking a dog city. Yeah, dog chow. I don't know why why they can't cast Attractive actors to play. Oh, I know the leads. I mean everybody's a fucking bowser on it's a dog pound Why would say it's a bunch of dogs on there on there? And then especially that guy from girls. Yeah, Adam driver. Oh, he is so ugly. I don't even know why

Leading man now. No, I know I know he looks good there there. That's a good photo. Is it but I mean look I'm not I personally I don't find him sexually attractive Maybe some women do but I feel like he's not very traditionally handsome. Let's let's say that we're traditionalists We want you to be handsome the way we want it to be handsome. He looks good there though That's upsetting that that's like a good photo of him. He looks like a young canoe there. I don't disagree No, but in the movie, you're just like Can you put your mask back on? Yeah, that's what I wanted to do cuz that guy's like take that rediscuit ridiculous helmet Yeah, I'm like, how about put that shit back on or paint more of those black scars on your face?

Yeah, I like the stitching. Yeah, he looked cooler with the scars on his face. I thought yeah, I don't know I was like Anyway And no spoiler. I'm not gonna spoil or alert or any or whether the word is you're in the plot for you They they Luke Skywalker does make an appearance, okay? And we know that he was he goes to the island of the gurus or wherever he's from Chiffifar Island, right Chiffa Chifalk Rook was a now Annoying to us as viewers. They don't address the biggest issue Which is how does he masturbate because there's no internet connection?

There's no masturbation and there's also it's like there's all this high tech shit But he's not watching any porn or asking for porn like even when he runs into another person He's like, he's not like did you bring any porn with you, right? So stupid. Well, he's been there for so many years been there a long time doesn't try to fuck He's not like what's up with your tits? Well, there's no other humans there. There's only yeah, but then he runs into a human at some point He's not like are you down right? Yeah, it's weird. It's weird and he lives in like a brick hut

So we we didn't get to see how he shits or where he shits which I think that's the first question No, bathroom breaks in any part of the movie. There's aliens and people coexisting. No one's like I got to go to the bathroom No one says like I'm horny. I want to jerk off, right? No one tries to fuck anybody I nobody eats ever in these films, which makes me crazy like Which I guess is the extra for why they're not going to the bathroom But yeah, it's really stupid like I think George Lucas has a real fucking hole in this thing It's a major major plot holes. Yeah, maybe they eat like military MREs that block them up, you know, like they're high Calories that scene where is it? Yeah

Where's that scene? I Mean they're on spaceships and he's not like you see a spaceship where there's like a wookie Where does he shit a couple humans? Another alien. Yeah, and no one's like hey, we're up in the spaceship right now Do you guys want to have an orgy right or like is anyone got a shit? Well, you'd think the wookie would take wookie size Dom's horrendous Where's Chewbacca and they'd be like get out of here, you know, and they've forced him to shit out of the side of the You know spaceship. What does Chewbacca eat?

Like they don't show him eating doesn't show him by the way trying to fuck any women which right wookie You would look at me like that's gonna. That's a box. Yeah, well, and it's annoying because he and C3PO or are no R2-D2 they both say the same phrases. Oh like wow and then the other the human understands it Yeah, always oh Oh, you mean you want to go outside Chewie? Yeah, like that got that sounded exactly the same as everything He's been saying for 20 years. Maybe it's like Japanese, you know, they just grunt a lot and you're like lots of totally different phrase Yeah, Japanese you're like that's the same thing you just said or Mandarin they're like Right

Okay, what does that mean and they're like right that means we have lunch in 17 minutes and then you're like all right You're like, I know I heard you like no now I just said that the the car downstairs the tires are flat and you're like wait You just said 17 minutes ago So you're equating the wookie language with mandarin or the R2-D2 language with with One of the oldest languages on the planet So Do you think George Lucas studied uh Japanese and then wrote the language? Well, I was not doing Japanese Japanese is what?

Oh, I'm sorry. My ear is not as tuned Do you think there are people out there like you know how people learn Klingon Do you think there are people that learn to speak Chewbacca's language like there's schools Yeah, yeah, of course and and the c-3po language or whatever R2-D2 language. There are people so dedicated to virginity being nerds. Yeah, it's like yeah, they're definitely What's that 3po? I know it's some of the dumbest things I think that happens, you know

I don't I don't think it's fair to equate Chinese or Japanese with the wookie language Um, I think that's pretty accurate. I think it's I think he makes them up R2-D2 is the tiny one c-3po is the Uptight. Yeah, the no fun broke robot. Yeah, he's the gay robot. Yeah, he's totally gay, right? Yeah, he's he's very much like you pick him always going like oh, yeah, he's fey. Yeah Do you think so you think George Lucas wrote him as like the gay gay robot speaking of accents and difficult to understand Ladies and gentlemen Tom Segura master of accents Your title has slipped off

So much in the last couple of years. Why do you gotta remind people? First of all that opening clip was that my stepdad People thought it was your stepdad And they wanted to know if that's what it sounded like when you were growing up Yes, for people that don't know Christina grew up with an Indian stepdad. That's not just an amazing reference. Yeah, I have three Indian step sisters So true And we ate a lot of curry and he talked a lot of shit. Yeah, is that what it sounded like? Let's go back not thick. No, he didn't have a thick accent. It's the folder. It says Christina stepped that argue

Yeah Yeah I love I love this style of arguing. Yeah, because I mean, there's a chance that they both speak the same language And they're they're refusing to get into choosing English. Yeah, they're choosing the words The only words they know which is fucking fuck you. Yeah, bloody. So they obviously live in the uk And uh, look how a real anger is kind of scary, right? It is the angry

My stepdad used to get into altercations with strangers like this too. He didn't speak like this, right? Not this. No No, he spoke really good English. Yeah, he was from Bombay From limumbay. Could you hear the Indian accent every now and then it would come out? But it was not thick because he came to the us when he was like 28 years old. That's pretty late I know but but you forget that they were taught English because you know the british took over India. So I'm assuming he learned English early in life. Oh, okay But yeah, sometimes it would come out. He fucking He did that a lot. You know, motherfucker. He's a fucking fucking guy. Like that's how he's

Fucking killed a guy. Like he had he actually said a more like Midwestern I think sometimes was weird. Your stories about him are absolutely terrifying. I know he's dead now, thankfully Yeah, but he was special. Yeah, he was different But I mean Maybe it's Indian guys that get really upset. I think it's I do think it is cultural for Indians to become more Animated and to use the hand He did a lot of the hand gesturing that you see in the movies, you know And the head bobbling stuff. He did that. He was more this uh

What appears to be happening is the argument is between a guy who's walking And a guy who's driving And the driver is the one with the camera. He seems more agitated Because see this guy is like trying to tell him something the walker is Yeah, and then the driver is like Are you crazy that's really a lot of people's set off point if you if you ask a crazy person, are you crazy? Yeah, that's when they lose it. Yeah, you know, you can't ask crazy. Are you crazy or you tell them you're crazy Then they snap. That's like the end of it, man

Yeah All the words he knows butter bitch. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you bloody buster bitch Benchwood bloody Bloody no, but it's bantu. That's uh, that's almost like he reverted back to his his actual native tongue I don't know. It was like, fuck you. Fuck you, bitch. Bloody fucker. Then he's like bantu. He's like, no, you fucking bantu Right, isn't that what's going on? That's what I heard Fucking bloody buster Benchwood bloody

Yeah, bantu. So he they are speed they do speak a common He went to the old school language and then he came back. Yeah, fuck you. Fuck you bantu Fucking bloody buster Benchwood bloody Yeah, I stepped out point like that too. Yeah, so funny. Yeah Yeah, same gesture so aggressive. Yeah Fuck no man the stories you you've told me, you know, he's really fucked up We used to I don't know if I told this one, but we one time we stopped for he used to love pistachio ice cream

And we go get it thrifties, which is the right aid now one time we were good. Let's go Let's go get pistachio ice cream. I go great. We get in the car He goes, hold on. I gotta do something gets out of the car stabs a guy's tire gets back into the car We get pistachio ice cream And at the time my my mom was in the car and I was like, did he just stab that guy's tires? And my mother was just laughing and she was like, well, he fucking deserved it So we had to show him this motherfucker. I was like, whoa Some guy that he's done business with the how old were you at our lawn set on fire once

He had his windshield shot out on the freeway by somebody he had done business with God Yeah Yes, different man didn't pay taxes for like a decade. That'll do it. That's good He says you're running like a lady So see he's pissed at this guy and then he Fuck you. Fuck you like running like a lady. I love it because this guy's we're jogging. I guess on the side of the road Yeah, she's calling him. He's calling him a woman. I fucking love foreigners cussing people out and it makes me laugh

What the fuck man Then see that's a good that's a definitely a colloquialism like that. What the fuck man? They picked that up. Yeah, what the fuck man? What the fuck man? He can't say anything. He's like bloody bitch. Fucking fuck you mother mother bitch and he's like, what the fuck man? They all say what the fuck man? Yeah, what the fuck man? That's in a lot of 80s movies. Yeah, what the fuck man? Fucking no salt at me in it Why are you salting at me because I'm going to the park if you don't do it to other places Why are you salting because of this you are doing? I don't know you are doing like this

I think you are going to go going to accident. No salting at me. No good, man. Salting at me Salt assaulting me. Oh assaulting at me. He means you're assaulting me Yeah So great. It's a great argument. Yeah I think I like foreign foreign arguments more than I like white trash arguments that we play. Yeah You know like trashy white people. I don't know. This is more fun. It can be good. It's fun like this because it's You know what they're you you can try to guess what they're trying to say and they're saying it kind of wrong Why you fuck me? I fuck you

Yeah There is why are you saying fuck you to me? Yeah, I'm saying fuck you. Yeah, but you said why you fuck me? I fuck you. Yes. That's fantastic. That's a great way. I mean imagine how hard it is To get a good swear on in a in a second language. Oh damn you're impossible Fuck you bloody because they also, you know the Brits lots of bloody money this bloody that. Yeah. Oh my god That's tough. It's tough to get a perfect swear. Bloody bastard. Bloody bastard. I've heard the joke before I don't know who's it is, but like when you're scared you always go to your native tongue Oh, that's interesting. You know, I forget who did it. So I can't but I heard somebody say that

I was like that's absolutely true. Like I could be Uh speaking Spanish in Latin America And fully be rapping with people but like if somebody pulls out a gun, I'm gonna go. Oh shit You know, you don't you don't stay in the second tongue, of course You always go to your native tongue when you're in fear Well, I wonder what my parents dreamed in like what language I think eventually eventually it changes To English. Yeah, eventually it changes to the what you're immersed in that's interesting

Like you could probably have like I remember when I studied abroad I was dreaming English English, but like three four months in it switched over. Wow. Yeah, because it was all day every day That's crazy. Nobody was speaking English. So that's crazy. You're just speaking Mexican all day long all day Mexican. Yeah My favorite story is your senora that you lived with Come down for breakfast Tell your story. No, I would uh, I would go to uh breakfast every day I lived with an old lady a senora

Is that senora tetas like you call your mom? She was like late 70s early 80s three American white boys And the other two had been there for a while before me. So they were doing two semesters I was doing one so they did a full semester already. So I got there and like I don't know. It's like over a month into me Being there already and we have we have breakfast and lunch together most days sometimes dinner Um, but breakfast every day

So I come out and I was like, oh, I'm going to uh, I forget what city I'm going to like Toledo or Toledo. Yeah, or like Galicia or something this weekend to visit a friend's family And she's like, oh, that's nice And I go, yeah, she goes will you wear underwear to breakfast there, too? Because every day I would do what I always do which is like I just come out my boxer Court which which is what you do at home right in front of the nanny in front of the house and she never said anything Yeah, but she said it then I go and I'd write away. I go. Oh, I'm sorry. I go. I didn't know So from then on I always put on like sweatpants or shorts over my boxer

But that was her way of letting me know instead of saying something. She's like, will you wear your underwear to breakfast there, too? You rude American pig. Yeah, she was like, Jesus man, your nuts are out at breakfast in the morning You still do that. It's like you're 80. You don't like it at all. Of course you like it You do feel more comfortable in your boxer. I want to live in my boxers. Yeah, I love walking around in my boxers I bet yeah, I bet that's nice. I feel like women should have boxers, too Yeah Yeah, how come you guys get to have these like Awesome shorts, basically you wear under your stuff and then we have to wear like tight

Stuff around our couches and the truth is our genitals suffer more by being Yeah seized up like that or sealed in you want to be able to breathe? Yeah I should be wearing your vagina breathe. You must. That was my mother's big one You must let your vagina breathe at night. Don't wear underverse When you get home, you take off your underverse and you never sleep She just pluralized things incorrectly all the time. Yeah, my mom does too. Yeah It's hard. English is too complicated. It's not an easy language. There's words like, uh, comb Yeah, comb. Comb is c-o-m-b

But bomb is b-o-m-b Tomb. Bomb and comb. Right. Tomb. Right. She was like So it's not golem. He's golem. I'm like, you know, just say whatever After you hear it, you're like, yeah, that is kind of dumb that it sounds different. They're spelled basically the same Yeah, there's a lot of exceptions to rules. That's it's really not an easy language to learn She still uses the wrong pronouns. Yes. Yeah, she speaks pretty great though She does be great, but she'll be like She'll say like, I mean, she's not a non-binary, but she'll refer to

Like you as he and me as she and I'm just like whatever Yeah, let it go. That doesn't bother me. It doesn't bother me. I'm just like, you still don't get it, right? Like 39 years Whatever just 40 some years in I guess I imagine like, I don't know. I guess it's so hard It is hard. It is hard. Well, here. This is the master of accents. I was trying to get to. Oh, okay Maybe you can weigh in since you're such a bragger now For a hard-on first fuck is dog cunts Jesus tastes nice on a hot day

He's an alcoholic. You think so? VB, you fucking dog cunts VB, I bet he says it's a cheap beer, right? That's what he said. Yeah, well, I can see the label. Yeah, the label starts with a V Victorian beers. Yeah So let's see what's there for the minute. Fucking dog cunts. For hard-on first fuck is For harder and thirst fuckers It's either that he's either saying that name or saying fuckers Nah, I can't really tell. For hard on thirst fuckers

Yeah Dog cunts. Dog cunts. I like dog cunts. I've never heard dog cunts. I've never heard that before in my life. It's really good Dog cunts. Yeah, it's really good. I mean, I'm gonna have to use that. That is so intense. Dog cunts Fucking dog cunts. I mean, we've heard cunts like the British say cunt cunt cunt cunt. But dog cunts. Wow That is a good one. I bet this guy's a real pig to women too. Yeah, I mean dog cunts Imagine his me too list. How long that's it is. Hashtag dog cunts Is a savage pig for sure Dog cunts

Jesus tastes nice on a hot day On this bit bitter. They're a victoria bitter. VB. That's what he said. So bitter tastes nice on a hot day Victoria bitter. So does he say? VB. Yeah, fucking dog cunts. So VB you fucking dog cunts. But at the beginning here, that's the only question Does he say? Let's listen again. Mother fucker or does he say? Uh, bitters this part here For harder and thirst fuckers Fuck is plural. Fuck yous. Yeah. Fuck yous. Is he Australian? Yeah. Yeah for hard and thirst. Fuck yous. Yeah saying fuck yous

Okay, he's not saying bitter. I think I bet you victoria bitters is like a ghetto ass brand or something For harder and thirst. Fuck yous. Yeah. Dog cunts. Jesus Christ This guy's terrifying I mean, I would I would not be surprised if they're like, hey, guess what this turns out this guy has a dungeon in his house. Yeah, of course he does. And there's been girls tied up there for years. Yeah. Yeah, he's dog cunts. Yeah Yeah, he's like don't let any drip drop fall out of your mouth. I'll cut your nipples off He's also got that hard booze bag look. Um, where he's really pale, but he turns red easily This is decades of consumption decades. You know what's interesting? A lifetime of alcohol

Yeah Is he I mean you've pointed this out a lot and now I'm starting to notice how people age Yeah, not so much that they age, but it's in the how and you can really see how people have been living it Totally dependent upon like it. Do they look like this is their skin red leathery? They look like they've been drinking their whole lives. Do they have the distended hard belly? Oh, this guy's on his lap. I mean this guy's gonna he's gonna have a painful death, you know Seriously, I mean his insides are just gonna melt. It's probably got yeah I give about four years four

Yeah, I 10 10 bad years four good ones six shitty ones on the way out. That's fair You can also just see like who's avoided vice. That's all it is Is like have you been moderate in your life or have you been but then you have to go riding it hard Do you what what is joy to you? What brings you joy is for me? Seriously, just drinking wine No, but I'm saying for some people that vice is life Right, right speaking of that. You just came back on a trip. Yeah. Yeah, I was with the vice champion Yeah, I went to the alcohol champ

Yeah, I went to uh, Atlanta for the national championship game by the way for those who Followed our weight loss and remember Ari the welcher if not paying his bet He more than made up for it. He flew us out. He put us up And he got unbelievable 50 yard line tickets Like 20 rows up to the national championship game, which if you did not see it You may have heard about it if you don't follow football It was hands down one of the best games ever one and certainly one of the best

National championship games ever. I mean, we've had some good ones. So we've had some great ones But that is right up there. It went into overtime There was a comeback win We just had a blast. We had so much fun. We I flew in on saturday Went to dinner with the guys Uh sunday we went we played top golf, which is like this This thing is really exploded where you go in you get like a little bay and you can hit you play games But you hit golf balls into an open

Driving range, but from a little base and you order food and drinks and oh speaking of drinks. So you Got to watch Bert drink for two or three days an entire day. So did you keep track? So we started saturday night. We went out to dinner. We all had a few drinks and then We went back to the uh He got an airbnb and we chilled there and then the next day we went to Oh, we went to brunch. They really wanted to do a like a southern brunch. That's fun. So I started with mimosas and um You know, I'm Bert had like three or four

And uh, I think Ari and I had one or two And then we go to top golf and so we we go there And he's just like it doesn't sort of pretty big cup if you don't mind And then starts just doing that. I'm actually like I had a few drinks last night. I'm a lightweight. I go I just need to rehydrate. So I'm just drinking water water water wasn't you know, I'm the water god. So okay So I'm doing that Ari's having bloody Marys, but he's having like one for every two doubles that Bert has

And by the way, Bert's killing it. He has a great golf swing. So he's just like playing well So he has I don't know we estimate he was like, I think I like five or like I think you had like seven And we settled on six, which is being generous. This is on golf day Yes, so we leave there And then we go home have a drink at the house. So he's another one there Then we go to a cigar lounge before dinner He has two more doubles at the cigar levels doubles now. This is the question, tom

You're saying that Bert's drinking six drinks, but he's drinking doubles correct at each drink, right? So it's actually 12 drinks when you're saying six. Yeah, so So if you have the let's say the momos is let's not even count them Let's just say they don't count them. That's just orange juice. Yeah, so Six doubles at top golf We go over to The house he has another drink there. So that's seven. Okay, let's do more at the cigar lounge. That's nine One at dinner. Okay

One after dinner with the staff. Okay He has a shot With a chaser and then one last one. So that's gosh It's an additional one two three four So that's what? Well, let's add it up. I'm not really good at math It's 13 13 and six. It's 19 So but times two Because those are doubles they're all doubles

30 yeah, say like 38 drinks Wow, do you want to add a maniac here? So it's a lot dude 38 I made a dinner reservation and I fucked up. Jesus. I thought it was for later So when I when I screwed up we had to like figure out where to Were you gonna drink until well? No, we're gonna get dinner because it's sunday night We're like shit and every place I look up is closed So we finally find there's a ruse chris aware ruse chris. It's chris ruse chris. Yeah, carls jr's ruse chris We go there and

He's when he uh, he goes to the bathroom when he comes back He's like, I don't know. He's a little I mean try the bread man. It's hot. He's like, okay and then The whole like five people from the staff come back and they're like, oh my god He got recognized and told them hey wait like two minutes then come back and recognize me in front of the eyes So they're like bird. Oh my god. We're such big fans Okay, but then they were like talking about your mom's house. They're like, I personally jam what like they're all just Fans of podcasts and stand up, but he had them come back and like act like they were they recognized us

That's so weird. Holy shit. Um, and then we hung out with like he was like hanging out with the staff And i'm like, what are you doing? And he's like, isn't this the best? I was like, do you do this after every show? He's like, yeah Just sits there and shuts it down just keeps drinking and well, that's what it is Maybe it's the drinks that keep flowing past closing. But yeah, he just likes to keep the party going He's a lot of fun when we went to the game We got stuck in line outside and he turned that into like a party Just like yelling shit to people one guy was yelling at him like fuck you man because we skipped a bunch of people in line

And uh, were you allowed to because of your ticketing or you just were no no we were jerks. I paid a I paid a guy Oh smart. Yeah, um, but we couldn't get up that far but we did get to skip a bunch of people And this guy was really pissed him and his dad. He was probably I don't know late 20s and his dad was late 50s He's a little guy and he was like motherfucker get the fucking line like really get really aggressive and birds like dude, we're on television. We have to get in there to work and like making seem like we're with the production crew and uh When we didn't get any further the guys like what happened to your television. He's like dude

Google me. I'm on tv And the guy goes, what's your name and bird goes tom sagura Jerk, and the guy goes your name is piece of shit. Oh my gosh. He's like hey, dude He was you're talking a lot for a little guy like and I could feel the tension It eventually died down, but it definitely was a pretty heated moment. Wow Um, this reminds me by the way, I saw the tanya harding movie yesterday. I tanya It's the fucking best movie on the planet I want to go back to this theater and see it with you

I'd watch it again really dude. It is so goddamn funny and good and if you grew up with a fucked up family You're gonna love it. You're gonna laugh your tits off anyways Tanya harding's mom is a real piece of shit. Yeah, and she would push her to be a winner She used to pay people to heckle tanya Right before she would get up to skate like literally trying to be walking To get on the ice and the mother would pay a heckler to be like you fucking white trash You piece of shit go back to the trailer Because it would motivate her really to to to skate with more fire or whatever. Isn't that hilarious? Yeah

That's so funny. That's story. Remember how dominant that story was that was like the loose story You got to see this movie with me. Let's let's actually end it all or no at the very end They showed clips of her but the movies based on interviews done by the husband and her And the people in the controversy. It's it's so fascinating as a person. She's here's another like foreign by the way a foreign cursor Oh good guy gambling A fuck jesus, yeah I Those are good curses though. Yeah, I've never heard. I've heard fuck jesus. Maybe a fuck christmas

Never say fuck christmas. Hmm. We learned two new ones dog hunt and fuck christmas today Oh man I love this person fearfully recording the guy because you know, he's like A little timid about it. This guy's about to blow a gasket That's kind of fantastic it is again these machines to press me though. I'm gonna start going with that. Where do you think he's from? Fuck jesus scott ireland. You think this guy's irish. You think english is his native language? Or italian no, what? Fuck jesus. Come on. You gotta listen here, but he's doing a lot of i'm gonna be italian. No, he's not italian

It's italian next door next door next door Fuck you He's malaysian No Yeah That's like I like I said just next door to ireland. It's the same thing That was nice So don't those machines to press you

They're always in the most depressing places the machine that he's playing like the screen with the roulette on it or whatever I really uh, it's really It's really depressing. Yeah, they're always in bars or like bad bars are going to a bar where the guy's putting the dollar in the poker thing Yeah, it's so depressing. Yeah, you just know that like their life is horrible horrible. There's a walker somewhere Yeah, I don't like it says uh hayler. This is for tom. I was wondering if you've ever been a logger A logger is someone who takes his shit and stands up and tries to cut the turd in half with your p-stream It's fun and hard. Keep an eye tight Tim well tim I got some news for you. I am a logger, but no not that kind

I was a lead logger on reality shows which means that you log the footage, right? That was one of my first production jobs here in los angeles Right, I've never stood up to cut my shit in half with a piece. How could you cut? I mean your p-stream would have to be so laser powerful it gets that way sometimes Oh, it doesn't yeah, if it's backed up if you're backed up. Oh, I see you pee hard you pee hard It's exciting. It's fun. But then your poo would have to be really soft that day, right? Not necessarily You can pee really hard sometimes, huh? Yeah, but you have to hold your pee during your poo Which is more especially if you really have to pee it's really hard

Yeah Yeah, and especially if you're like because usually what'll happen if you really have to Poo pee and you poop. Oh stop it. You'll have to release some pee Yes, and then pee again. Well, that's that's always been my conundrum in life is how come I sit down I pee I've finished peeing and then you poo, but then you make more pee as a point. Yeah, you didn't get it all out That's why no, I think you think it's out But I think I think I've made more pee during the poo. It's possible, but it's really like I think that Is that whole muscle is not telling you who we gotta ask?

Dr. Drew. We gotta save it Blue man, are we gonna see him make a note of it possibly on friday? Okay, uh blue band make a note of that questions for dr. Drew The poo pee pee poo pee question if I'm making more pee or is it just that I didn't empty my bladder the first time Mommy's I was listening to a recent episode and heard the mention of nail clipping in public I immediately knew I had to email you my friend Recently decided she wanted to do something special for her mom's 60th She spent way more than she should have to take her mom to a show on broadway

They sat in the third row at one point her mom pulls out pippers. No trimming her toenails No No, yes, you read that correctly. Well, my friend shoots her the what the fuck Are you doing low? Her mom tells her at full volume. It's dark. No one can see me and this is boring anyway Oh my god Needless to say she was absolutely mortified as her mother proceeded to clip All 10 nails through her open-toed mom heels. They haven't spoken since they got back home michael. That's Horrifying that's depressing. Yeah. I mean jesus christ

that mom I don't know you can't teach that you can't raise that Not okay. No, it's not okay. That's so I mean, why don't you be embarrassed to cut your toenails in public to the period? Yeah, yeah in broad at a broadway show like I'm embarrassed to do it in front of you I always close the bathroom door and then I do it. Yeah quietly. I don't That's really really fucked up. You don't seem to mind Cutting your toenails in front of me. Well, yeah, I don't mind that Yeah, I mind. Why do you mind? I don't like seeing you do it necessarily. What does it make you feel?

I'm afraid of it flying at me or just I don't like to see you doing it One leg up on the sink kind of you know, I never would do it in public ever Never occurred a million years to do that in public. It's disgusting I don't mind doing it on the bed. That's wrong That's not wrong That's wrong. Why is that wrong? Why would you do it where you sleep and then you're gonna lay in the in the shavings or whatever the dog would get it Or I'll you know the dogs won't get it

They don't chew that Should I do it? It's a good texture to it Oh, he hates the farts. I've asked you to trim mine for years and you've never done it Could that be something we work on? Do we work on that you think No Hey scrums, do blind people have standards since they can't glass would moose soup lady be gross to them?

Hmm. See holiday Yeah, well talked about that Blind people can touch your face and and feel what you look like. So That's how they see your face. So yeah, yeah, of course They definitely have standards. They could touch your face. Oh, you're ugly as shit. Yeah, I bet. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Yeah Yeah, geez Do identical twin sisters get their period for the first time at the same time? Tilden

Wow, that's a really good thought-provoking. I don't know anything about like the intricacies of how that would work Did they share a vagina? Twin sisters. No, I thought I'm sorry. I think I've co-joined twins. I was thinking about that No, no, but I know isn't there a thing that like women who spend time together will think up. Absolutely. Why does that happen? Absolutely. I mean, I don't think I don't know if I don't know if there's a medical It's it's hormonal. It's pheromonal So like a home with three women in it will sync up and they'll all have it at the same time

Yes, unless okay. So one of whoever is the dominant female will lead the pack whoever's on the birth control pill Her cycle is regulated. The other women will follow the one who's on the pill It's just it's it's hormones. It's pheromones. You pick it up and it's absolutely true I wonder what the utility in having it all at the same time I would imagine something nature to do like being in a village and everybody being fertile the women at the same time Maybe they could bring up children together at the same time or I do could bust nuts in all three Yeah, it's like the same week. That's how you wouldn't say that but yeah, scientifically they could all bust nuts Yeah, uh and all these chicks. Yeah, he could be like only what my could look like with you

I wonder what my could look like with you. I wonder what my could look like with you Just keep fucking all the different girls. Yeah, I imagine it's for that reason. Sure. That's simple. Cool Here's uh, let's see what this says one more email here Uh, when you have a lot of gas your colon swells up and pushes against the bladder Which causes you to piss abnormally frequently When I eat refried beans and drink iced tea my two favorites I spend an entire day pissing and farting like a motherfucker. Those are your faves. I hope this helps james Hope this helps with what? What?

That's the email This helps it says farts push the piss out. Oh, wow. We must have asked about that We need a little more context here. I don't know but listen the iced tea here is caffeinated too makes you pee more. Yeah Um, yeah, very interesting All right mispronouncing words. This is what I've been fascinated with. I love it Mommy's on episode 429 with josh Well, if you're talking about having foreign parents who say wrong shit shit wrong my mom is hispanic My dad is Caucasian

Both say stuff horribly wrong Even though my dad only speaks english So that's my favorite kind. He says pigs dive not pigs die when a room is a mess You gotta write that one down for the act pigs dive pigs dive Okay, he's like like fucking non-stop no matter how many times I correct him pigs. He still says it I'm also 100 percent retarded because I thought that vapor rub was vapor rub because that's how my mom Had said 23 fucking years they didn't realize it was vapor rub totally anyways if you want to move in you can move in you just

Gotta fuck me Despite what dr. Drew says farts 100 percent push the shits out will that vapor rub Baby, baby, I can totally water up. Of course vapor. Yes, of course Yeah, I actually we had this debate too. We were farting together And I had to shit after I had farted a lot and I you know, I don't know if dr. Drew is entirely right We can challenge him. He's not like the official but wait a minute because how come a fart signal that you have to shit then There has to be a causal relationship. Well, no what he said was they can occur Together right he's like that can absolutely happen at the same time, but they are

Interdependent of one another right they they're not necessarily connected in other words Fart and a shit they can have their own life, but I feel like every time I fart a lot I have to shit that it's a signaling that I need to go shit. It's a really interesting really interesting thing to talk about Um Here's the jelly bean taste test. What's the jelly bean taste test? We got skunk spray or licorice. No, I know where this is going. Is there vomit happening? I haven't seen it I don't like it. I don't like it. Oh I don't like this already bad

Oh, yeah, that's vomit. Yeah, I didn't know I didn't know it Yep, that's bad. I knew it. I fucking knew it and I knew it would fucking leave there I didn't know. Yes, you did. No, I didn't I swear. I didn't I didn't know it doesn't say that anywhere on here Doesn't say it on here Very disappointing babe. I did not know that You know, I have to talk about this in therapy. You know that this is a thing. Yeah I didn't know it was on there. I swear Look, I'm not looking and I'm not putting my headphones on. Uh, see I just opened this. I didn't see that. I swear to you

I didn't see it. All right closed I'm gonna take you in to my therapist so you can hear me talking about my problems with barfing. Okay. Oh well, okay. All right Okay, I'm not gonna put this on because I don't trust you. No, no, I come on. No, you've lost my trust I didn't do it. I didn't do it. That was not my idea. I swear to you. I swear to you You you're telling me you didn't do it, but you're operating the sound board. You're the one choosing the clips So how can you not know because I didn't see the clip before? Uh-huh. I swear. I didn't okay. I all it says Is barf clip? No, it doesn't barf clip. Look Jelly bean taste test. That's what it says. Okay. All right. I didn't know

Didn't know it said that Um, this lady I actually saw a remix of this lady's you saw it too because you're like, what is wrong with you? I was watching the the remix here. Put your things on. Nope, babe. I'm not playing that. Don't trust you lost trust I'm with you. I promise you lost my trust. I promise you swear on our son's eyes. Yes. Yes. I swear on our son's eyes I won't play that thing This lady was uh, remember do you remember this because you're you're not going to see the song version Just the independent. There's no god, but god is real Ice come home drunk from school

Laying up a man's Out of the prostitute and having a little sex with my mouth Licking his balls The pastor just took the mic away. Oh, yeah, you can't see the she's kind of fucked up. I think I think she's still drunk Yeah, she's still licking men's balls. Yeah, and then uh, you know Uh, suede the remix god, you know, I'm talking about no, of course you don't Um, he made because I'm 41 and I don't pay attention to kid stuff anymore. It's not a kid thing It is not a kid thing

Responsible adult babe adult responsibilities I uh reposted it because he took that video. He's the same one that did the um What's that that white girl who was on dr. Phil remember? How about that? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, like that's so stupid Yeah, that was so stupid the The hose Okay, the hose outside. What was that? I forget it's so stupid It is pretty stupid. But anyways, he took that lady giving that testimony

in, um Church Hi, my name is tiny man. See and I'm a backslider y'all pray for me I come home drunk from school laying up men's I've been prostituted licking his balls Licking licking licking licking balls Licking licking licking licking licking Licking licking licking

Licking ya Licking ya Pray for me Pray for me I'm on backslider y'all pray for me Pray for me Pray for me I'm on backslider y'all. I come home drunk from school

Pray for me Pray for me I've been prostituted laying up men Pray for me Pray for me Licking his balls Licking his balls I can watch those all day. I know I can too. It never gets tiring to me. This is why the internet was created

Yeah, for that for the stupid remix. You know what remix is one of my absolute favorites two. Thanksgivings ago I got greens beans tomatoes potatoes. Oh, yeah She counts like this I know He has a really good one Wait, he's really good. I don't even know that guy's name, but I like it. Yeah, he does he does it well The internet speaking of There is a now somebody made

in in that Whatever vein That lane of taking a remix and then cutting video to the music, you know, which is what that was Somebody did that with machines within now. Mm-hmm Machines within the sea Machines within What does this say? T 19

Fallen knives featuring dj poly fluid bond mix I'm poly and i'm by Song in my head over the weekend a lot of no lie a lot. It's not a bad song. I feel like it's not that bad It's pretty official already. Yeah Oh, wow See my song Pretty good man

Really good Song is good. Yes it is Wow So the machines within guy this guy the actual singer You know, we sent him a send him a check. Yeah, so he got his check and yeah for the shirts Yeah, and then he was like I get some shirts now. Oh, so we're sending him some shirts, too He's so talented. Yeah, I wonder what his next song will be Uh, there's I wouldn't be hard to find out. What's he working on? I don't know. I'll make sure to find out

Uh, oh speaking of um, so yeah, thanks to everybody that got machines within stuff and Um, you know the christmas stuff So last year we did during the winter time we did our gene hoodie try it out And a lot of people liked it. It was it was a big hit But one of the things that people told us they're like, oh, I wish you had a zip up. Hmm. I wish you had a zip up It's the ymh zip up hoodie. Oh, it looks so good. It's very soft Um, it's soft as the gene hoodie. Yeah, it is as soft as that. It's a zip up though So try to do it because uh, many people asked for a uh, a zip up hoodie and then

Uh, to go with the new special. I have a um A uh, a t-shirt. I'll just let you find it. It's up there and watch the special and then if you like it you can get that Awesome. I have a couple other shirts coming within the next couple weeks and I also have um We're working on mugs So there's some some mugs coming Not just stuff in the store go to merch method.com slash tom segura Or just go to tom segura dot com and go and just hit store Um, I just stuff there. I also have a store on my website christina p online

Shirts from my special as well. You may find them. You can find those there and you can Um, put them you can put them in your butt if you get hey, but Yeah, why would you say that? I don't know. Why not? Um, you know the zip up's totally different than just a pullover, you know what I mean Yeah, then the kangaroo pouch. It's a gear. It's like two different vibes totally It's totally different vibes like when I'm going just full travel dumpy day. I like the kangaroo pouch gene solid item put yourself on the front pocket

If I'm feeling a little I don't want to jazz it up. Oh do zip up instead. It's a different look. It's a totally different look. You know apparently there's um something happening online where Uh listeners are saying Hey blue land we're we assume you're in charge of reading all our bullshit. Um, there's a A debate as to the origins Of blue band and so people have been commenting on the facebook group

And then it says like, yeah, who is blue band? Has anyone ever seen him? Um, someone says he sleeps standing up in the mommy's bedroom closet Others say he spends most of the time at a local bowling alley Uh djang Uh children's parties in exchange for room and board No one knows about his background Uh one fridge in november evening when tommy was out for a walk He heard frantic splashing from a nearby reservoir

And he went he saw commotion. There was a soaking wet blue band fighting for his life pinned Uh t-band snapped into action dove into the freezing water grabbed blue band with one arm Paddled the shore since that fateful evening Blue band owed his life to dj dad mouth and is therefore bound to serve the mommy's until his final breath Um He could let's see Blue band is doomed to isolate farts from youtube clips if the listeners have been emailed

I heard he had a double pipe classic one time. It's very rare. I don't know. Do you want to comment on the origins of blue band? That's a very elaborate story. Yeah But it's close. It's close to the truth of it. Yeah, I mean he does live in a nest Yeah, uh, but it's on a saffa mattress the lumen leaf collection. That's true. And it's in a tree It's in a tree. He's one of the few people that Doesn't mind putting a mattress up in a tree Most people would be like, isn't that gonna fall out of the tree? Not if you set it up, right?

Yeah, you ever seen a fucking tree house before dummies? Yeah So, uh, he does sleep in a tree. He uh, he does have feathers I don't know. He's blue. Yeah One more thing you need to know guys. That's pretty pretty much the whole story Yeah, secret identity Little secret you guys he was on a show. He's been on he was yeah, he's been he's he's been here But I don't think we've shown his face. No For good reason. He has a severe

Scarring on his face. He doesn't like to be seen in public Yeah, yeah It says here that that could help but notice Christina has wider teeth and oh, yes, you're right Keep it tucked rick. Well, I know you'd be happy to see that gene Thank you. I did make me happy. My teeth are wider than yours But I do feel as though I work at it a little more than you. Yeah At oral hygiene generally At oral hygiene. Yeah, I guess you're pretty committed. You don't really brush. I've watched you

You just do a very cursory sloppy like our toddler brushes. No, that's not true. I have a timer on it I have a timer so it goes And it goes like It times it. I've watched you. It's not good. Yeah, it is You brush like a two-year-old. No, I don't Yeah, no Hey, I have an observation that's going to make you feel a lot better about yourself. Are you ready? Sure I was sitting

Watching a documentary about some crazy person or something and then it occurred to me that I like mental illness too As do you but you like Murders you like serial killers. I just don't like the killing stuff But we both like people with fucked up psyches I mean, that's kind of the glue of this whole show is you and I both laugh at the mentally Challenged weirdos of the world, right? I don't think that's true

But what I'm saying is I think we uh, you know potato potato. I think we've been arguing two sides of the same coin here. I I've been judging you With your love of murder shows, but the truth is you like abnormal psychology and so do I but I Yeah, but I just don't like the violent. I don't like the killing stuff True, but we both like psychos weird weirdos fucked up people Yeah, like I love fucked up psyches. I think it's one of the most fascinating things It is kind of the glue that holds this show together. Right. I mean if you really didn't have

any Um interest in that this podcast wouldn't even work. Well the marriage wouldn't work I don't know you could probably still find a way to make the marriage. Yeah, but you'd be so bored with me If I didn't laugh at the same stuff you did really sure you laugh at everything up until violence, right? Yeah, because I'm a I'm a mother. I've given life and to me. It's just I can't watch people dying. It's too hard Yeah, not like guys. You guys kill each other blow shit up. We make life women are the opposite We're destructive. Yeah, these are fucking crazies. Yeah, we're too aggressive Fuck you Blondie bloody. Fuck you bloody. Oh bloody that Blondie. Yeah, bloody. Fuck you bloody

Bloody fuck you bloody bloody. Fuck you bloody. That's so great And then the very casual what the fuck man. What the fuck man? What the fuck man? My teeth are so much wider though. You do have great teeth. I know I was giving you that let me tell you though I worked for many years I had really bad teeth growing up This is braces, headgear, retainers, veneers, you name it, whiteners. God damn. Got really good stuff there, Gene It's like my best. I would say the good thing about your teeth is that once you get them all nice stuff like this You just got to maintain. Yeah

Yeah, my parents moved I know right? Yeah. Oh today. Yeah Dang they bought a new house Like it's their final house, you know, we're never gonna move again. I was like, why is that? I was like, oh because you're gonna die there Your dad's pretty open. He's like, yeah pretty much Your dad is very accepting of his mortality. I found they do this thing now. This is just aging where they call and talk to me about

like the most boring thoughts and and and no just Things they're doing like he calls me. He's like, well, we're uh Boxing up some stuff now for the move and I'm like like I'm waiting for the the important information. I'm like, yeah, he's like and then uh tomorrow Movers will come Yeah, that's what happens

Head over to new place I'm like, I know that you're moving because we've been talking about it. Is there a point to this call though? He's like, well And then they'll uh set us up and uh, then it's uh new place after that I'm like, right the concept of moving is not above my capacity to understand things. Yeah anything else he's like Got the uh, which the cable. I've got a new cable provider We're gonna go back to uh direct tv and uh

Man, we got a new new address because we're moving. Oh my god, and Uh, no pool, which is good never use the pool Even though it's florida. We just didn't use it All right I think We're good to go. Yeah. I feel like he just needs like more people to talk to it. Yeah I think this is why I can't participate in 99 percent of the conversations that exist on earth Yeah, I can't I can't do it. I can't hear people's the banality of their daily existence

Now, what's the phrase he's been saying to you for the last year though? Tommy your mother and I oh, yeah He's been saying this every call. He's like Tommy mother and I are Getting ready for the next chapter next phase of our lives with retirement. He's retiring at the end of this year Wow So mother and I are just think so he goes on these fan. I guess everybody does well, you know, everybody goes like What we're gonna do over the holidays or what are we like and then you fantasize about your retirement, you know, like

He's like I think we're gonna do is We're in a car And we'll just drive because we have nothing tying us down You know, no job. So We'll just be able to drive all these places your mother's never been You know, uh the grand canyon Okay

Vermont from florida. All right. He's gonna drive from florida. We could just leave, you know, uh six weeks at a time So I go. Yeah, and then he tells me this 500 times They come out for Christmas And I go mom. Are you excited about all your road trips? Coming up She just closes her eyes As if to say I've heard this and I hate it

Of course And then I go, so do you realize kind of what he's talking about like how long I go because You know, he he doesn't he won't do like 10 hours of driving So he's talking about driving like maybe like four hours one day Five hours from south florida To the grand canyon I'm like, so the first day the first night you spend the night in florida

The second night I don't know. Maybe you make it to mississippi. Maybe You know the third so i'm like you're talking about at your pace Eight days going out there And she's like what and he's like, yeah, and then I see her go sounds horrible She goes, I'll meet you there and then I just saw His fantasy that he talked about for a year collapsed in one conversation But also I wanted to go didn't you ever like think about talking to her about it?

Like I feel like you just had this Fantasy that you never even pitched to her Because it sounded like news to her. She was like, what? Of course it's news to her because you've been telling me the fantasy for a year and my first thought was always Why would a 70 year old woman want to sit in a car for eight hours a day for weeks? It just doesn't sound like fun for her. He just he was like, yeah No I'm just like, no, he's like, oh like hey, you need a whole new I think he just wanted to have

You know what he needs? He likes plans. Yeah, he likes knowing what the plan is and now it's like, hey, there's no plan again He's like, fuck now what? Yeah, maybe if they got like a mobile home Absolutely not she won't do it 100% no Why that's a little better at least you could lay down and play with the dog or whatever No, it's not gonna happen. No, it's like a that's a to me. That's my nightmare. Like that's like being a feature act again That's all I did was drive For weeks and months and it's terrible. I know it's a nightmare. I hate that and like staying in motels like they'd have to find

Shelter every night like a different city like Crazy, that's really a bad idea for two old people. I know Yeah, let's let's say at the red roof in like she's not gonna want to do that I know it's really crazy. No Yeah, boy What a nightmare. Total nightmare. Sounds horrible. They just cruise. We'll just drive across the country And she's like what? I can't think of anything worse. He's making her go on a train ride and she's like Totally not excited about it. No, no, I would not. It's like a train ride to dc. He's like, yeah, it's not

It's not that nice Uh, but it's fun and I see her going. It's not fun. It's not It's so boring. Like I think because I've traveled already. I've driven. I've driven through the entire us Like I got it. I get it. It's not a lot Yeah, and I go, how long are you gonna spend in dc? and he goes Three nights, I think And I go, that's not a lot of time

To see all the things they have in dc. Why don't you stay longer and I see my mom looking at me and she goes You're going to pay for this And I go, why don't you say like five nights? You can really see all the museums Then you take the train back. He goes, no He's like, I think we'll fly back. You know, it's expensive. I go, take the train back You already took it there. Take it back Just to get a Take your time. Take your time. Enjoy the train. Take a detour

Take the train. See where else the train goes. Here goes other places That's horrible. You know, it's so funny So great. They should go to europe Yeah, you want to see a dad boner? Yeah Let's see what's going on And there's literally a kangaroo getting ready to fucking jump by us Oh my god Yeah, where are they? How would they see a kangaroo?

What are you talking about? It's like American guys No, they can't be a kangaroo There is There it is, there it is In America? Oh my god Here it comes There it is, there it is, it's a fucking kangaroo

Is he an Australian? I don't know That's nutty Doesn't say where it is, but that is a total But see that's a well-earned reaction. Yeah, if he's in the u.s. That's pretty nutty I think almost anywhere you see a kangaroo running by you flip out. It's pretty rad. That's pretty rad What about a dad boner watching a cat? No, I saw this one. This is dumb. I don't like this one I like this one. This isn't a dad boner, but this is a cat

Also, everyone who likes our facebook page will be invited to a special lego town event. That's not open Oh The cat put his paw on this guy's mouth, you know, he was talking That's cute. It's a sweet guy. Yeah, he's like me Cats are silly. Does that guy remind you of me or no? No Why? You're he's way more sexual than you Like the sexual energy is just oozing off that guy. You rude. You rude as hell Um, all right. Well, that's it. All right

Okay, why does your dad? Did we talk about this last time? What why does your dad make so much noise when he sits up? Like I noticed that he would just be sitting He would be like kind of laying back from on the couch. Are they? Why the noises like does it hurt? There's a lot of things I want to ask him about why why do you do that? Huh He's so odd

He really is He's odd and he's also so Comfortable being himself. I know I love him. I think that's why he's so awesome And he really fits into our life like You were gone and it was just the three of us top dog lj and I and lj went down for a nap I went to take a nap and he just chilled on our couch and watched like one. He's the most low maintenance guy Yeah, he's the best. Yeah, I came down. He's like christina. You know Alice is jazz the cutest kid like he got into that whole thing. Yeah

He just all he wants is like A little bit of snacks like you have to give him some treats every now and then his coax Yeah, some tv and he's happy. It's true. He's so chill. It's really great. He's the best He's actually really cool to have around. I kind of wish he would just live on our couch. I don't mind at all I know I know it'd be fun. He's the sweetest. I think we'll continue to see them twice a year though That's just the way that's gonna go. Yeah, that's too bad. I hope they visit more Especially now that they're gonna be got all this time this chapter. This next chapter is gonna be nice

To your alleys road trips. I hope so too. I like having them. I just stay stay out here for a while, you know They don't know what to do. They the whole time they were here over christmas They just went to the mall every single day. I know Well, we're you know, there's malibu, right? Like there's the ocean. It was the weather was beautiful And yeah, they're like we're going to the mall. Okay. It's what we did Maui I guess we're related um Thanks again for listening

Please check out like I said the new special friday disgraceful also mother inferior is on netflix That's christina special You can come see us live christina p online tomcigura.com Thank you again for all your support And uh, we'll see you Next week next few weeks. We have guests Um, then we'll do a couple weeks without you know, we go back and forth, but

Thanks again always as always for listening watching the show. All right. Goodbye everybody. This is uh Diseased mommies by chris spence. Here you go You need closeness of other humans to develop the mechanism for emotional regulation Oh, honey At the end of the day, what is a race anyways, you feel me? Because like we all want we are here on this world It's supposed to be equal. It's just in the past people was messed up and stuff. Oh, honey Come down. Come down. Come down. Oh, honey Oh

Oh Oh, no, is that not pc for your show? I'm so glad This show for this show nuts nuts nuts nuts. I tried to get away, but I was restrained out I hope to be able to finally distinguish between true mental illness and ordinary misery nuts nuts nuts I tried to get away, but I was restrained one more time So a disease is a complex relationship between the substrate and the environment That results in a abnormal state of physiology reflected in signs and symptoms that follow a predictable pattern

We call a natural history with a predictable response to treat Just a bunch of guys and join each other's company Oh I'm causing this I'm making this happen to me juggalo Is that churney? Oh, honey Oh