Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 432-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: January 24, 2018

Looks like some Ball Hogs are willing to share their secrets! We are willing to listen! We found a great new rapper and get this, he's using the name TOP DOG to work on his rhymes. Hope you end up supporting him.  PLUS - the reviews are in! People are loving DISGRACEFUL on Netflix. Everyone. 100% of everyone across the board. Not one negative review. We'll go over a few.  Pull your jeans up. 

This is a new diggity by Eddie Bojangles. He's always setting in some bangers, man. Yeah. Oh, you got your new mom glasses. I forgot. You forgot? Leave them on. Leave them on.

I like them now. Now I'm used to them. Your vision gets bad. I need my dad glasses. I left them. Where are your dad visions? They're upstairs. Yeah, I need them now.

I can't read all this copy. You got a bunch of stuff coming up, Gene. You want to go first? We want to do your dates. Oh, yeah. Okay. I'll go February 2nd and 3rd. Shartlick, titties, puta.

Wise guys comedy club. Tickets are really rolling on that, you guys. So if you're going to go, go now because, listen, mom's pregnant. I ain't adding shows. You know what I'm saying? I ain't going to be no Sunday night. I ain't going to be no third show Saturday because I'm too fucking tired. Fuck that noise.

February 23rd, Calusa, Casino, Calusa, California, one show, one night only, March 30th and 31st, Portland, Oregon at the Heria comedy club. Should be fun. Check it out. Christina P. Online for tickets. Thank you. I love you. That's what's up.

And I'm adding some stuff too. We know it's coming. I'm at the ice house. February 2nd and 3rd. It's sold out. I'm in Des Moines. February 8, 9 and 10 is sold out. I am in Lexington, Kentucky, comedy off Broadway, March 1st, 2nd and 3rd.

I just this morning added Columbus, Ohio. Oh, that's a wonderful place. Oh, I'm coming to the funny bone in Columbus, Ohio. March 22nd through 24th. Then I'm going to Shark Lake titties in April. How lucky. They're getting both of us. And let's see.

Melbourne, Australia. April 27th is sold out. Ooh. There are a few tickets available for Sydney. I believe Brisbane is sold out. Perth might be as well. Perth. I'm from Australia.

And then Spokane. Which are I wearing? Spokane. No. Spokane. Sperm can. Sperm can. Washington.

That's in the state of Washington here on the West Coast. I'm coming May 17, 18, 19. It's all very exciting. Go to TomSugarer.com slash tour. TomSugarer.com slash tour to get your tickets. Man, they are cruising. Thank you very much for everybody that has purchased a ticket to come see me do a show near you.

Also, there's obviously the merch store. Thank you for supporting that. There's a bunch of new stuff in there. You can try that out. Try that out. TomSugarer.com. Click on the store or go to merchmethod.com slash TomSugarer. Have your friends come over.

Have your friends come over. Sign the lease. There's also a bunch of stuff coming. People have been really loving the YMH hooded sweatshirt. Where's my damn it? I got some sending us a few. So excited. All right, Jean.

Lots to get into. Let's get the show started. Ready? Yeah. Jean's getting over her sickness right now. Play the music so I can blow my nose. Okay. Hi, guys.

This is Jasmine P. Wain. Today, I'm coming to you guys with a short tutorial about how to lick your guy's balls. Okay. This shit is big time. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. You're burning the fucking stand. Welcome.

Welcome to your mom's house with TomSugarer. TomSugarer. And Christina Pajitzen. Christina Pajitzen. Welcome to your mom's house. You've really been on a ball tear lately. Well, I mean, it kind of makes sense, right? Tis the season.

Kind of makes sense. Kind of makes sense. Why does it make sense? Come. That was an old school one. That's a super old school one. You're the man now dog. You're the man now dog.

The lamest, lamest line ever in a movie. Well, yeah. That's Sean Connery telling the black kid that he's like mentoring or something. Oh, God. To be a writer. And it's like that. The moment of triumph where all of his lessons have come through. The montage.

Yeah. And then he did it. And he's like, you're the man now dog. Can we stop making those movies where white people turn around the lives of black kids? I would actually like them to see where I'd really go for it now. Like in today's world, like really do one that's so on the nose that we can all mock it. And I mean more directly. There's a movie now on Netflix.

I'm itching to watch. It's on my list. Is it that genre? Well, it's a reverse of that. So it's the black girl teaching the white girls how to be saucier. Oh, that's also such a play out. That's so lame. Yeah.

So it's a step, you know, that they, it's like step stuff or whatever. And she's going to teach the white girls how to step. It's called like step sister. Oh, is that kind of like what's going on? What the fuck? You don't know the stomp in the yard. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a stomp in the yard. What are they doing, man? They stomp in the yard. Stomp in the yard, man. But she's going to, she's going to teach them how to be more flavorful, colorful. And the best is that on those trailers, they're like stomping the yard. They always have the guy that can't say it. Say it.

The widest person doing the voiceover. It's embarrassing. It is so embarrassing. They're stomping the yard. This spring, lace up your sneakers. Yeah, totally. Get ready to stomp a little harder. Yeah.

It's horrible. Have you, I've never seen a step crew or whatever. Have you seen this? No, but I'm confused by... It's a real thing though, yeah. A step crew? Yeah. Oh, that's real.

Because in California, I've just never... Have you seen a step crew before? Like an urban step crew? I was wondering if it's real or made up. The most cringe worthy stuff is like, is that, is that like, I'm going to teach you how to be from the hood and you teach me how to hang out with white people. Yeah. And like, remember that's like, first of all, it's been done a lot already.

Yeah. Julia Stiles did like 10 of those movies, right? Then a few years ago, Steve Martin, who's pretty highly regarded and respected in comedy. Like he's kind of, for a lot of people on the Mount Rushmore of, you know, comedic minds. Yes, yes. He did one of those with Queen Latifah. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I saw that one. In the trailer, he ends up in like a B-boy pose and he's like, what's up? What's happening girl? And she's like, and she doesn't mean like, now, now you get it. Yeah. That's right. And he's like, yo, yo, yo. I mean, you go like, who fucking dream with this fucking turd?

Some white cracker fucking CEO. Who's like, yeah, black stance. I get it. Sure. Cultural differences are funny. Oh my God. Yeah. I mean, I mean, in the 70s and the 80s, that was kind of a new thing.

You know, like it wasn't Eddie Murphy doing Beverly Hills cop and then he had a white, yeah, yeah, yeah. The buddy cops. That was funny. That was cool. You're going to put the banana in the tailpipe. That whole thing was pretty funny. Yeah.

To make fun of white people is always funny. That's true. But like, I don't know, the way that was done, like there's, there's nuance to jokes. You know what I mean? Like that's the whole thing. You have to make the characters people. Right. Not just stereotypes.

Not just characters. Yeah. So that's the thing is that that was done really like you believe that white guy was that white guy and Eddie Murphy like was kind of being himself. And Eddie Murphy had all the cards. He actually, he had the power cause he was the funny guy in the room. Right. Yeah.

And genuinely funny too. They weren't like, and then just smack these crackers around. But I do love those step crews, man. You know, I watch, bring it on every, I know that's cheerleading. You know what you would love? I love the Clovers. I can watch those Clovers take a shit all day. I'm serious.

You should have even just YouTube this. Historically black university marching bands. They are so amazing. I'm talking like Grambling, you know, what is it? McNeese state. Like I'm talking the Southern Hillman. Hillman. Isn't that where Cosby kids went?

Hillman. That's where a different world was. Morehouse. I'm telling you that historically black universities that have marching bands will blow your mind. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I'm saying the whole presentation from the uniforms because it's always like crisp. I mean, it's like military style uniforms and the coordination of the movements and the music. And like it's... What about the blackness, Tom? It's super black. That's what I'm saying.

No, they're... What are they sassy? They're... Yeah. And then like sewing, like usually every one of those performances will begin with like a black person go, mm-hmm. And then like that means like pay attention and they'll like, they'll do a snap and then the show will start.

I said, burn. Yeah. It's cold in here. That's right. There must be some clovers in the app. Anyways, I don't know why we got on sidetracked on this. Timeout on Netflix, man. We're talking about...

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. You... Well, you've had AIDS and you're getting out of that. Toddler AIDS. Yeah. This is like the only time... You guys don't know, but like I live with AIDS and have for years.

I've been fighting it. I take my meds and I always have a sinus infection, the cold, the fucking flu. And like for years, I'm sitting here living with you and I would go through these horrible sicknesses. It would last like five, seven, 10 days and you'd be next to me like, yeah, no, I don't know, but I didn't get it. And then the next year I get sick four times and you'd be like, yeah, I didn't get sick this year.

And then the next year I get sick six times and you'd be fine. You know why? It's my goddamn... Cockroach DNA. Cockroach DNA. Because my Eastern Bloc genetics, I've survived the communism. I've survived World War II because my genetics are superior. My immune system is superior to the average American swine.

I don't doubt it. Now, my problem is I'm pregnant and so I've got... My immune system is lowered from pregnancy, so it just took me down. Yeah. I've never... I haven't laid in bed sick. What? That's the last time you've ever seen me lay down.

But the good news is I got into this Korean soap opera on Netflix and I think it's a poor translation of the title or just lazy translation. They do that both ways. Yeah. Why be so lazy? Why not really try to think, excuse me, about the title? I know. They'll do things like, I don't know, they'll be like, what's a big action movie here?

It'll be like some taken. Token. Yeah. But in Korea, when they release it there, they'll call it like, he's had enough. They give it like these... Because words don't have the same impact. What's this Korean show called? Well, it's shittily translated to Hello My Twenties.

I was looking for some light bullshit. I'm so fascinated by Korean culture because when I was in Seoul like 10 years ago, I would watch their TV and I would wish I could understand what these people were talking about because it's so dramatic and they're so beautiful. They're such a beautiful people and always frustrated me. I finally have access now, it's subtitled, and I'm hooked. I'm halfway through it and it's a dark show. It's actually very dark and very complicated and very cool.

God, I would give anything for this to stop right now. Oh, you're telling me. The coughing. Oh, it's the worst. I hate myself. No, I mean like it's annoying. Yeah. People don't want to hear it.

Nobody wants this. Stop it. Thanks. Now, you are also into... My telenovela. My abuelita watches her telenovela every night before bed. I got, I mean, I blame Diaz and I'll tell you, you know, anything that Joey Diaz tells you, you're like, okay, buddy, like, you know, you're out of your mind.

So he was telling me when I saw him last, he was like, you know, we're talking about different shows and how much I love Narcos and he was like, oh, you have to watch this show. Hotahota. And I was like, what? And so... What does hotahota mean? JJ.

So that's the letters in Spanish. So I'm like, what is he talking about? So just out of curiosity a few weeks ago, I pull up this show, I see it. I think, I don't know if it was like a new release at the time, it's called Sobra Viviendo Escobar Elias Hotahota, which means surviving Escobar. So I'm like, and I've been on this Escobar, you know, rabbit hole, I just have a lot of... Because every, every time I pull up Netflix, there's like a new show about them. So...

Yeah. Because I pull up your profile and it's like Escobar, Escobar, murder, murder, drugs, murder. Yeah. It's a whole thing. And they have a new series. And they're out about a drug, you know, cartels and more documentary style though. So anyways, I pull up his show and it's a Colombian show, it's a series.

I pull it up, I watch the first episode, I get roped in and it's about Escobar's right hand man, his hit man, Popeye. That was the guy's nickname. I love when gangsters have cool names. Yeah. Popeye. It's a good baby name. We gotta think Popeye.

He personally killed like 300 people. That's it. Yes. Murderer. Wow. He's free now by the way. He's... Of course.

He did his time. It's so weird. We get so in this country, you associate your experiences like certain crimes align with certain punishment. And then like you start going around the world, sometimes in countries like this guy murdered a guy. He did his five years though and like he's like, all right. The value of life is significantly diminished.

It changes. Is he, where is it? Colombia? Yeah. I don't know about life there. But the series is so good because it basically picks up at the end, like the last day or two that Escobar's alive and he and Popeye part ways. Escobar tells him.

He's his right hand hit man. Like, I know this is coming to an end. How does he know? Just the feds are closing in. Yeah. Yeah. The search block is closing in and all his guys are dying and it's just not... He knows it's...

So he tells Popeye like, go ahead, like you've been invaluable to me and basically go for it. And cause Popeye's like, I'm going to turn myself in. Like I know that I'm either, I'm going to be killed, they're going to keep searching for me. So I'm just going to go for it. So he turns himself in and the series starts with him basically arriving in prison. God damn, now I have to watch this thing.

Yeah. But here's the thing. There's so many episodes behind you though. The most unbelievable story of him turning himself into a crime boss from prison. Of course. That's what they'll do. And the dramas in this prison of the different, cause there's like the paramilitaries and there's the guerrillas and there's the narcos.

They each are on separate sides and they each have, you know, different story lines of trying to get each other and then there's romance and there's relationship. Anyways, you know, sometimes when you start a series on Netflix, you start watching it and you're like six, seven in and sometimes you're like, ooh, like how many do we have left? Like when we're watching like Ozark, you're like, how many are left? Because you want it to be longer and you'll check and there's nine, let's say, or 10. And then relief washes over you.

Yes. Relief. No, there's enough. Yeah. Or like, or you go like, oh, shit, that sucks. This is about to end. So I'm like episode seven of this show, I'm like, and this is good. I wonder how many are left.

I back out of more episodes, 60. What are you fucking talking about? How many seasons do they do? It's considered one season. What? It's just the way that they have, have it, you know, uploaded on Netflix. I think what happened is this is an original, like a Colombian series. Oh.

That's what I think. I didn't, I didn't. Yeah. So I think it aired there over, however long. Yeah. You know, bought it, licensed it. And for whatever reason, they just call it one season. Oh my God, 60.

I'm, I'm 32 episodes here. I'm wondering how long Abuelita is going to be watching her shows because like every night I sleep and I'm going to get super depressed because I know that if it's 60, that's the series, you know, it's 60 episodes. It's not like they're going to be like next season, we'll have 60 more episodes. It's got to be. No, you're done. Yeah.

But I'm super into it, man. I wake up every now and then and I look and there's the ugliest motherfuckers on that show too. There's some ugly dudes on that. That's ugly as shit. Yeah. The fuckers on TV. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, it's exciting. You know, the problem with my Korean show is these bitches are always eating this delicious Korean food. I cannot believe you on this. She's watching this Korean show and then every day it's Sundubu, Bulgogi. I've been eating all this shit for days. And I'm like, are you serious?

She's like, well, I was watching it. So because they have good food, they have the real stuff. Yeah. The kimchi and the noodle soup and oh, I love it all. Calbee. I see them eating and then I want to eat the same shit. Fuck. Speaking of Netflix, the reviews are in.

Yeah. Yeah. And disgraceful. Yeah. 100 percent. Everybody loves it. You're kidding. No.

That's really hard when everybody is on board. I've never had something where it's only love. Unanimous. It's unanimous. Good for you. 100 percent fans. Yeah. It's pretty exciting.

Well, I'm so glad to hear that. Yeah. I've never had anything like it where everybody likes it. Everybody. There's not one person left out. Well, that's wonderful. That's kind of the goal of a good comedy show, I think. It sure is.

Well, listen, if you're a comedian, you've got to be able to entertain everybody. At all times. At all times. You don't want to upset people or polarize or let make anybody feel bad. Not at this guy's show. I mean, my show, that's what I usually begin my shows by going like, I hope each and every one of you has a great time and I hope each and every one of you leaves here feeling good about everything.

Yeah. That's kind of how I do it. You know, I was thinking today, are there any topics that nobody can take offense to? I don't think so. Like, let's say, going into our five o'clock hour, it's going to be a lively conversation, I expect, because we are going to be talking about Tom Segur. That's a radio show. Yeah.

He is a stand-up comedian and on a recent Netflix show, he did some jokes and he did some stand-up about specifically here in Lafayette and Louisiana as a whole and Cajuns. And so it's pretty vulgar. He has some vulgarity in there, but you know, stand-up comedy, it's vulgar. And there's been a lot of people watching this video, a lot of comments about it, a lot of people very angry, very offended, very upset because he really goes after Cajuns. I never thought that this would be a thing. Really?

Like, of all the topics you covered, isn't it surprising the ones that kind of catch Pete? Dude, I did. By the way, I heard somebody talk about, I think it was on this show, I got sent the link that this guy was on there being like, oh yeah, I know that he's talking about a specific guy he met in Louisiana. I'm like, what? I met a guy in Louisiana.

I met a guy from Louisiana in Kansas City in the first, like during the first week of 2017 last year, if you were in Kansas City and you came to one of those shows I did, there was a guy in the meet and greet. No, okay. And that's what I say. I mean, I don't say Kansas City in a special, but I say like, I was on my first week of this tour is where I met this guy. Yeah.

It was weird that somebody's like, he met a guy here. I'm like, why would that even register? I'd be there. Anyways, I think it's funny like the backlash of people from Louisiana being like, I mean, first of all, I have to say, I've never gotten so much fan mail in my life ever for anything like I have for this special. Like I've been bombarded with this, you know, just amazing fandom and support and people telling me that they love this special, which I tell you, it never gets old.

Like I totally, I can't tell you how much it's crazy how much it has come in. And I've gotten a lot of it from Louisiana. So I don't want to make it sound like only people from Louisiana are upset because a lot of them are like, I live in Louisiana. I love the bit. You know, like they've been very supportive of it, but people, the ones who don't get it or who don't like it, it's like, you know, this is a joke, right? No, it's not a joke.

I feel like there's so many people out there that are, I don't know, they, I think they're taking, it's like they're holding people on like what they're saying on stage as equal to what you would say off stage. Like, you know, that's not the same thing. Well, I think there's a thing called context, right? So if you're going to a comedy show and you're all agreeing in this social contract that what we're going to have in the room is called fun and it's not meant to be taken literally or seriously in context, it's called a joke.

I believe unless you were giving a lecture on, you know, geography or one of my favorite parts about this is these guys are going to discuss this thing for like a while. But then this is one of the comments. I have to say, when I heard it the first time, I was a little, oh, wow, man, that's pretty, that's pretty rough. But it is funny. Okay. It is funny.

It is funny material. It's just that we are the, the, the target of that, that comment. Okay. So a lot of people don't like that. Yeah. I mean, that's, that's how jokes work though. Well, you know, every joke has a victim and I feel like you can get upset. You know, you, you tell jokes about cats and the cat people get mad.

Yeah. Tell a joke about the dog, dog people get mad. Well, just so you know, a couple of things I'd like to point out a, um, the joke that I tell that it's a, you know, has Cajuns in it basically ends with my saying that we should build a wall, uh, if it's around the state of Louisiana, um, and, uh, we have a build the wall shirt, it's build the wall shirt and, um, the wall is in the shape of Louisiana. Very nice.

So that is item number one. You can go to the store. I'm offended. Um, but you're using bricks in that wall. Yeah. My cousin was a brick. And here is the other piece of news that I'm super excited to announce. I didn't say it at the beginning of the show, but I'd like to say it now.

To show you how much love I have for the state of Louisiana, I took the very first available date. I'm going to the civic theater, uh, in New Orleans, Saturday, September 29th. Oh. The, the tickets are on pre-sale today, the 24th of, um, of January beginning at 10 a.m. is when the pre-sale starts, um, so you can get tickets to that. There's a code word if you're, if you're participating in the pre-sale and the code word is Cajun, C-A-J-U-N.

Perfect. Cajun is the code word. If you want to get tickets, again, I'm coming to New Orleans Saturday, September 29th. It was the first available Saturday at the civic theater this year for us. That should be a very interesting show. I'm very excited to be going. I just wanted to let you guys know that. Um, and again, I, I can't thank you guys enough for watching the special.

I really appreciate it. And I know that, um, you know, it's, I've been getting a lot of back and forth how it's always how this works, these things trigger other things. People watch the special and then they end up watching your special because I keep getting messages about your special. Really? I've been getting so many complimentary texts from our friends and family and Twitter messages about how fantastic yours is.

So I'm, I'm really happy and I just, I wish she would just tell jokes that didn't hurt people's feelings. I know. Can we make a list of approved subject matter? Well, yeah. I mean, can we do a consensus of, of what's it, what's okay to talk about? It's acceptable. Yeah.

I don't want to hurt feelings anymore. Grapes. Grapes. That's good. Remember yesterday we had, there was grapes in that lunch for a LJ. Yeah. Who would take, oh, no, no one would take offense to that. I don't think so.

Right. Yeah. Fruits. Let's see. What about winemakers? Wind. Oh, they're probably going to get upset about that. Cause you stop grapes.

Yeah. Oh, that's true. That's hurtful to the grapes. We're not taking grapes feelings into consideration. That's true. Weather. That doesn't seem to agitate people. What if you live in a bad weather area and you're like, why are you boasting about how

good your weather is? Yeah. That's why I was here from people that live in shitty places when I tell them I live in California and they're like, I fucking hate Los Angeles and I'm like, but the weather's great and they're like, so I live in this shitty place and we have shitty weather, but I like it more. You know what I mean? Like it kind of, I feel like it gets people in a bad mood.

I know. I'm going to, you know what I'm going to do for your next special, I'm just to help you here is I'm going to start making a list of pre-approved topics that everybody can get on board with. I like that a lot. And that way people don't ever get mad. Yeah. All right.

I know from experience that cyclists get very mad. I think you're right. I remember that was one of the first times you'd ever received hatred. Significant amounts. It's so funny because you really can't predict what will set people off. No, you really don't. Cause let's be honest. We both have said pretty inflammatory shit about lots of other people and both of our

specials and it's always surprising. It's always surprising when you're like, you know, it's a comedy show, right? Yeah. I don't know. Actually, I feel like most people do understand that most do. What happens is the people that are upset are very vocal. So yeah, they're so angry. They're so emotional that they like the person that loves your show usually will message

you. I love the show. Yeah. And it's just more messages. You know. Well, and I also think that people have always been offended and upset, but now because of social media, they're given a platform to kind of mob together. Mob mentality.

Yeah. And it's just, it takes on a bit of a life more so than it could 10 years ago, 20 years ago. When you have a mob, they'll also like not actually, uh, watch the thing or they're not reacting. They're reacting to a, like a story that they heard about. I heard that you talked about, yeah, you're like, you're not even paying it, you're not even going to give it.

It's due diligence. Yeah. No. Yeah. They just want to. I've heard enough. Yeah. I got, I got messages like, you know, I don't need to watch that.

I've heard enough about it. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, people got mental problems. You got to, you got to get your life. Get your ass into therapy. Let's talk about something. Don't worry about it.

First and foremost. Oh yeah. You always, anytime you are sucking your guy's cock, you want to have a connection first and foremost with yourself. Love yourself first. You just don't want to be sucking someone's cock and you don't even love you. What do you think of that? Well, it's kind of a good message.

It's kind of what the self-help movement's all about. If you're going to have a blow job and you're not cool with yourself, you'd feel probably really depressed as you're doing that. How are you going to love that come if you can't love your own come? What? That's way more than I was thinking. What's with you and the balls lately? You seem to be on a ball thing.

I mean, I just opened the folder. It's here. Oh, it's blue bands on a ball thing? Maybe he's in the balls right now. I didn't send it to him. He's in to getting his balls touched and licked and stuff. Yeah. Maybe he is.

Yeah. So, and then secondly, you want to have some type of connection with the guy, you know, that way. No. You will have some kind of like for his talk and as well as his balls. I disagree. I always say that if you're not so sure about how your partner likes his balls to be stuffed, you always want to start off, you know, licking them and sucking them in a gentle manner.

That's true. Yeah. I don't know how people have indiscriminate sex or licking indiscriminate cocks and balls. Like a lot of people do that. Like a lot of girls will opt to give a blow job. Oh, yeah. To be like, I don't, I don't give it up on the first date. That's a good one.

That's one of my favorites is like, Hey, I'm not easy. You're not just going to get in my pants. I'll suck on your balls though. Because to me, that's way more intimate than intercourse. I've heard this. What are you doing? I've heard this from you and other people that graduated college that that's a pretty intimate thing to do.

So yeah. Put your mouth on someone's genitals is, I mean, that's their everything. You know, it's their. Do not use your teeth. Oh, shit. These are no. She's going to give us a demonstration. Who does she fucking 12?

We know this. He said bite my balls. And that's when you want to use your teeth. Here's the thing. Who's saying bite my balls? Nobody. Here's the thing. You don't bite fucking balls, man.

Yeah. Sniff those balls. Sniff them. Okay. No. Let me put it right up against your eye. Bat your eyelashes. No one bites.

No one says bite my balls. But this is so fucking seventh grade. Of course it is. Like, dude, we covered this shit in junior high, bro. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, welcome to this podcast. What are you talking about? No, no, no, no.

Not this video. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We covered this shit in junior high, bro. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, welcome to this podcast. What are you talking about? No, no, no.

Not this video. I'm saying that girls have been talking to each other about this shit. Yeah. Since like seventh or eighth grade. So like, bitch, you're too old to be like making these videos. You didn't fucking cover this in junior high. I know. I know.

With finger banging and, you know, maybe she's just like really good at this and people keep telling her jam. Like maybe like, how about every guy she hooks up with is like, you got to make a YouTube tutorial because you're so good. I need, I need other girls to find out about how good you are at this. I guess. Could be. She could just be like, remember the grapefruit lady?

Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You got a grapefruit, your man. This is stupid. Put your dick between your legs. Yeah. Put your dick between your legs.

And stomp the yard. Yeah. So you want to take them. Now I don't have the shaft here. I'm just focused on the vaults for today. Okay. It's actually an ad for her to get laid. Yeah.

She's, I mean, what happens to her inbox when, when this, you know what I mean? Like if you're, if you're putting that out there, this is what this is one thing that I'm annoyed by as somebody that is not participating in the back and forth of meeting people online. This is somebody who will put out a video like this. And then their next post will be like, do I have to say that I don't want your sexually suggestive messages in my inbox? And you're like, you put out a ball sucking video.

Why can't I just post a video of me sucking on some balls like cherries, like balls and how to be about me? It's my form of expression. Yeah. Well, cause you look like you want to suck dude's balls. You're soliciting balls. They want to get their balls sucked. So you're putting in by now.

When you're sucking, don't forget too many jewelry, too many bracelets and shit. You know? Yeah. It's a weird. I mean, that's the, everybody is. This is what I mean. It's like, I just, but I feel like everybody knows how to do that. Like, isn't that kind of intuitive?

She's not really giving me any new skills. Not everybody knows how to do that. There's people out there are definitely watching like, what? But if you were to suck balls, isn't that fairly? I think she's introducing the idea. Yeah. Of that to people. In other words, there's ladies out there who are watching that.

Like, I don't really fuck with balls. Yeah. No, that's not me going around the world. Not really kind of, you know, yeah. Yeah. You know, there's no son. There's not everyone's a triple D slut. Why?

Hey, we've, how about fun? Is it to call sluts? Sluts. Man, we've been doing this for a long time. This is a fun one. You've got to do it, by the way. Don't be like, the fun is to do it with your, with your friends. Don't be a jerk and do it loud, but it's for your own amusement.

No, it's in the car, windows up. It's just the two of you and like a girl walks across the street, maybe a jogger or just like a normal girl and jeans and a shirt. The more normal or like the more professional and the less promiscuous or sexual her attire and look is the better. Yeah. So when you see a like a pantsuit, just executive woman with a briefcase crossing the street, you just go in your car, you go,

look at this slut right here. Be a total slut. Look at these sluts. Look at these sluts walking to work right now. I also like to do it to like, like young teenage girls. I only say that because I can kind of get away with it. They're not, they're not sluts by any stretch, but it's funny to be like, look at sluts over there.

Yeah. Just walking. Yeah. Sluts. I don't know why it makes me laugh when we do it all the time. It makes me laugh too. Yeah. It's so inappropriate.

Or if they're like, if they are dressed super slutty, then it's funny too. Yeah. If it's on the line or if it's just like a nice looking, but it's like when they're like, also if it's like two 80 year old women. They're sluts too. They're sluts. That makes me laugh. That's more fun for me when they're like older.

Yeah. Clearly not sluts. But like when we're in a restaurant and like couple like girls walk in and you're like, oh, couple sluts are going to go have dinner right now. That makes me laugh too. Well, you like it when I say it the most. Yeah. It's more fun.

It's funnier when a woman says it. It's one of those things where it's like the origin, the source of the line makes it funnier. Yeah. Context, Tom. You know, one of those things, I'm just learning about this like context. Yeah. I'm learning about like how reading the words isn't the same as like hearing

and seeing somebody say it. Oh, yeah. It's all these lessons. It's so fun. I mean, I didn't know that like a certain expression can be said satirically, ironically, sarcastically, and that it then changes sort of the intent and the meaning. All this stuff is I'm going to comedy camp right now and I'm learning so much. So yes, I do.

I do appreciate that. You know what I like? They used to do back when we were in the bro and stuff. You've done it in a while. Whenever we see a pregnant lady, you'd always be like, what's wrong with her belly? Yeah. She's so fat. That always made me laugh too.

Oh yeah. One time I posted a lady on TV who was like seven months pregnant and I wrote like, hey, maybe next time don't have like four beers and 18 sandwiches before you do television. And all these people were like, she's pregnant. Like she's so pregnant. You know, she has a small frame. It was so clear that she's pregnant. It's one of my favorites.

Another one of my favorite games to play in the car is there's your dad. What's your dad doing over here? What's your dad doing is another good one. Any guy eating out of like a trash can, any guy with like, you know, shopping, shopping cars and shit's falling off of it. He's barefoot. He's white, but his skin has turned black from walking on the pavement. Black souls.

You're telling your dad was here. What's your dad doing here? But that's a super mean joke. Why? Because I mean, he can't hear it and neither can anybody else, but it's not cool. It's not okay. And it's not funny. It's not funny because someone's feelings could get hurt.

Theoretically. Like if he was in the car with us and we're like, hey, are you my dad? And he's like, what? Why does milk and ham not taste good together? And we're like, what? Get out of here. Right. Theoretically.

We were having a conversation with a mother yesterday who we're acquaintances with over the phone. And she was talking about a nanny she had with her son and something. She says something like, you know, I don't teach my children to point and laugh at strangers. This was the best. And both of us. Tom and I looked at each other and were like, yeah. You don't need to wait.

What are you talking about? Yeah. It's comedy 101 people. That's what you're supposed to do. That's how you get a sense of humor. Definitely. She was like, you know, we don't teach them to look and laugh at somebody for their appearance. It's called funny.

I don't understand. What do you teach them? Yeah. Isn't that like, what do you say when you see someone? If you don't point and laugh. Right. What's the point of life? Now our kid yesterday.

She's also like, I don't, I'm not like, I don't like, you know, somebody like pointing at the, their thrill of seeing a Porsche and I was like, oh yeah. Really? Yeah. One of those. I mean, like, aren't they awesome? I thought they were. I like stuff.

I like stuff. The problem with being a comedian and a mom is that I laugh at a lot of the shit that our kids doing right now and I should be disciplining him. Yeah. Yeah. We caught him. He got into my red lipstick, like my stage lipstick, like the shit that I wear for 10 hours state, like it's really saturated color.

Yeah. Just dark as red, red fuck all over his hands and of course wear on our white ass wall. And we left him for like 30 seconds because he's at the edge now where like, you know, you could be in this room and you hear him dragging like an Amazon box through the halls and you're like, all right, that's what he's doing. And then it was quiet for like 10 seconds. And then you're like, get over here. And I'm like, come on, you have to see this.

He was like. Smacking the wall, laughing. And he was like, do you want me to get the other wall now? Yeah. Smack, smack, smack. Just layered and red. So happy. And of course we start, I start laughing and then he's laughing like, oh, this is cool.

I guess I'll keep doing the other walls and then he starts to take off to go to the other wall. I was like, no, stop. Oh, I scrubbed the shit out of that though. We got it out, but that's the problem. Balls. We got an email. Yeah.

Always eat the scrum. Oh, the mommy's just an FYI, you can't spell scrumptious without scrum. Therefore the scrum is scrumptious and there is no reason to be afraid of it. Just think of it as a delicacy, slow cooked in the cockpot all day long. The cockpot. Marinated in all the pheromones you fell in love with Alexandra. Wow. That's a lady who I think is probably a slut.

Tom, don't slut shame her. I know, I know. It's a lot of, oh, there was like women marching this week and they know it's a lot of sluts marching. Right babe. It was like a slut parade. Slut march. Hey, Hitler, on a recent podcast, Christine mentioned meeting a different soap for every

part of the body. I have one bottle of shampoo that I use for everything. Why can't I wash my balls with shampoo and beat me, kind regards, Johnny, because I'm gonna beat me. Uh, first of all, Johnny, I'm 100% on board with you that shampoo is soap and you don't need soap if you have shampoo. You can wash every part of your body with shampoo. All you need is suds.

It's not different nasty. So I've survived for years before I met you with just a shampoo bottle. Shampoo suds up. You do your hair, do your beard, you do your underarms, you do your, your butthole, you do your crotch. I mean, it does it all. I mean, I bet technically you're right because a detergent is a detergent. A soap is a soap.

However, I think it's more of a text, a textual thing. Is that the word I'm looking for? Textural, text, texture. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I mean, I don't think you should put soap and, I mean, shampoo in your vagina because women we have to, we have to wash not up inside of our vaginas, but you got to get in there. And I'm thinking that it might burn.

It might hurt my vag. So that's kind of like a utility thing, you know? That's true. Um, like a mint shampoo probably wouldn't be good down there. Uh, another. Are you still doing that? By the way. I'm still doing this.

No, I, we have soaps. I'll split it up. Yeah. As long as the thing with you is you'll adapt to whatever. Whatever's there. Yeah. Anyway. I swear.

If it was fucking 409, I would claim myself with that just whatever's there. So adaptable. Yeah. Uh, an email. Hi, mommies. I've been thinking about this theory since I was the brown master of my house in middle school. It seems more and more clear to me that my body gets set in a weekly brown cycle.

Hear me out. So I'm currently a college student in the past semester. I decided to try out my theory every day. I would pick up precise time varying each day of the week, whether I felt I needed to or not to make some chocolate soft serve. Sometimes it would be difficult to hold it in, in some shits for a few hours after taking 10 to 12 Benadryl. But after only two weeks, my body seemed to have regulated to what I now call the fecal

cycle. Huh. I have now been able to find to this weekly cycle to a time that fits my needs. Oh. I mean, he can dictate the times that he, that he wants to go. You can, you, you can train, you can train your, your asshole. It's absolutely true. I've done it with, uh, when I used to work a nine to five.

So he's asking, does anybody do that congrats on little jeans 2.0? Yeah. Thank you. Try it out. Piss on me and be. Um, yeah. I mean, I feel, I guess I don't know that I don't know that I dictate it, but I do feel like it happens.

It happens at a regular time. And then what always fucks me up is, you know, travel or schedule, but he's saying you can retrain your duties so that you're like, for instance, let's say you start a new job. Yeah. And you want to take a dump before you go to the office, but you're, you've been unemployed for a month. So now you're taking your dumps at like 10 a.m. You can retrain your bowels such that you're shitting at 7 a.m. versus 10 a.m.

But I mean the, the training involves, but also just to train intense training. Well, the training involves also changing your probably your sleep cycle because if, right, if you're getting up, if you're shitting at 10 a.m. every day and you're like, I want to be shitting at 8 a.m. You can't get up at 8 a.m. and do that. You know, you're going to have to like six or something. I mean, you have to make some change. You got to wake up.

I, you know, if anyone out there listening is having and struggling with this issue, we both brown, I would say you brown quicker and earlier than I do. Yeah. Every morning you're like up and you're like, I got a shit. Well, yeah. I mean, we go downstairs, but within 30 minutes, you're 45. You're definitely like, because my body is trained. Even just the smell of coffee can induce.

That's true. What happens to brown? But I usually shit about an hour after you. Well, I'm telling people, I'm trying to get valuable life advice. I'm sorry. Tell them, tell them. If you want to train your dumps, I recommend you wake up two hours earlier, drink your coffee.

Like for those of you who aren't drinking a high powered coffee and then complaining that you can't shit, we'll get your life, man. You got to drink high octane coffee. I mean, Daddy Jean's here. I, I greatly appreciate my French press that you got me. Yeah. Tell me a review. How do you feel about it?

I love it. I love it. I was intimidated by French press. Can I tell you how fucking not smart I am? Well, I didn't know and didn't think to research making my first pot of the French press. Yeah. He went on intuition.

Yeah. I looked at it and I'm like, Oh, this is obvious. Yeah. So I put all the grinds at the top. On top of the press part? Yeah. And then like press that there. And I was like, that makes sense.

Or like, no, it was like between the, you know, there's like a screen and a, whatever. I put it in the wrong place the first day I made it. I still drank the cup. And I was like, it's pretty good. And I was like, I should probably just, it's amazing with YouTube. You just type anything in, I type in the actual brand that you got me and make it. And then like in two minutes, I'm like, Oh, I was doing it completely wrong. Yeah.

But now I make this brown lightning and brown lightning. I drink a like basically one of those crafts. I got a moderate size one. It's not like a crazy size, but it's a, it's delicious and I love the process. I love the ritual of getting those beans out in the morning, grinding them, uh, finding out, you know, what size grind you're supposed to go to for a French press. And you know, even the ritual of you're supposed to stir with a plastic spoon because a metal spoon can crack and scratch the glass.

Oh, I did not know that. I mean, all these little things. I'm like, I feel like I'm a barista when I'm doing it. Yeah. That's the whole point. You're waiting for that. The coffee to steep. And I don't know.

I love trying these different coffee, but I missed, we were doing the pods, you know, they're very convenient, but I missed that ritual and I missed the smell of the beans and grinding it up. So now I'm buying coffee beans again. And I love it. I love it. This is why originally I was so opposed to the Nespresso machine, but you're hooked on it.

Well, cause it's convenient. That's what I'm saying. I missed the portafilter and locking it in and putting the grinds in there nice and fresh. You know, I missed that stuff too, because that's a real cup of coffee. Oh, yeah. You know what I was, you know, now I don't have the fucking time for it. I got a kid crying, cooking another one in my belly and now time to fuck around making

coffee. Get your life, man. I know. Time for that shit. Do you know what I'm saying? I know. Let's see. There's this email, there's looking at the different emails that came in, the Infinity

Wipe. No. Solved. Yeah. Tell me. Hi, mommies. I've struggled with the Infinity Wipe all my life. Every once in a while, while I've eaten some moosuit, my beehive behaves like a dirty

bitch. Here's the high and tight solution. Once you've identified that the cleanup is likely to go into infinity, simply flex your pooper as if you were trying to squeeze out a little dingleberry and proceed to wipe. When your, how you say asshole is in the slightly flexed position, a hand with toilet paper, toilet paper can reach the hidden brown and hitlers, your life will be changed forever. Try it out, Nick from Boston. He's saying if you push, push out basically, you're pushing and you wipe that you will

get the remnants that are causing the Infinity Wipe. Yeah. He's saying flex that hole. Push, push. Yeah. And then when it's fully flexed, reach back there. Yeah. Poof.

I don't know. The problem with my beehole, it's still got, it's tender from like hemorrhoids, from pregnancies, you know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Like I don't like to get in there. I don't like that. I like the water of the bidet. You do.

That's what helps. Yeah. Or the shower if you don't have a bidet. Sure. You can get a fucking bidet on Amazon for like 50 bucks though, guys, or 40 bucks, a tushy. So great. You got to get one, dudes. It's really great.

You know, I know everyone loves a squatty potty. I tried it. It's okay. I personally, I think a bidet is way more effective. Get one. Try it out. You got to try it out. It's our banner.

It really is the hole, the best thing ever. Try it out. It's like a fire hose, the tushy one is. Yeah. 60 bucks or something. Yeah, maybe. Try it out. I think they have even cheaper ones.

And you just hook it up to your toilet, super simple. And then now your whole life is transformed. You're not, I think it's so gross now to mash toilet paper against shit on your skin. It's so fucking gnarly. I know. I go, I got to admit. I hate it. I, I, I finish browning now and I just let water run.

Of course. Oh my God. I've been telling everybody about this shit. Do you ever have a poop where you sit down and you're like, that was it. And you're like, there's not going to be anything to talk about. Yeah. Like I'm going to just go, I'd be disappointed. And then I looked in the bowl.

You think it was going to be the rabbit pellets or something? Yeah. I was like, that was so fast. Like nothing came out of me. Well, that happened to me the other day I sat down after Korean soup and I was like, whatever. And I looked down and it was the most gigantic brown eye, like a one, top 10 of my life. And I, why does that happen? Like sometimes you think it's not going to be brown and then it's a real big one.

But why did it come out so fast? Like it was so big. I love how you asked like a little kid would ask you asked exactly the way a kindergartner would ask, like, how come I didn't think it was going to be anything that was live chocolate in there. But you know, but you have that too. Of course. We are like, it doesn't feel like much.

But then I looked in the bowl. Those are amazing. But what is that? The mystery poops. Those are our mysteries. Yeah. Then there's the ghost. Shit.

It totally disappears. No, I consider a ghost shit when you shit and you wipe and nothing's on the, how is that even possible? You're like, and you look, you're like, there's a big shit in there. And you're like, wait, is there shit somewhere else on my body? Like you reach around. You're like, there's no shit on the cheeks. There's no, how is there no shit?

It feels like you, like you want a lottery. Yeah. Doesn't it feel special? Those are the best days. Yeah. I think part of that too. I think you can prompt that a little bit. Somebody told me is if you spread your cheeks before you sit so everything really goes

apart. But I still think that's I think that could follow you know, that's counterintuitive. Honestly. Yeah. Because if the hole is bigger, you're not pinching it off. So that to me would create an infinity wipe scenario actually. Yeah. I disagree.

You want it pinched. Yeah. Well, interesting. So many different theories, you know, let's see. The world is a mysterious place on a United flight. They just suggested the seat belt be low and tight. This goes against all my beliefs. Should we start a campaign to educate them?

All love, no hate, F all the haters, Nick. No, I'm offended. Yeah. I want to be high and tight is the only way to live your life. Only way to live. I mean, low and tight? So terrible. No, it doesn't feel good.

No, it feels horrible. Low and tight. God, air travel is the worst in this country. Yeah. It's so demeaning. It really is. It really is the worst experience. I was watching this show.

The new one I'm watching. I forget the fucking, this is us. Yeah. And there's a surprisingly good show. It's so good. For a network show. Yeah. And there's a character on there who's battling with her weight and she's, I don't know what

she weighs, but she's really large and she gets on an airplane and the woman next to her is totally eyeballing her and she's like, don't worry, I bought two seats. And then the, you know, the flight attendant comes by and he's like, I got your seat belt extender, like totally loud. She's like, thanks. I got it. I was fucking embarrassed and then she's like, I know how to do it. You know, like, and I just felt so, if you feel so bad for her, cause you're like, oh,

like you did the right thing. You bought two seats that you're not like ruining anyone else's day, but it just seems, I just feel so badly for those people with the seat belt extenders and everything. Yeah. I mean, it's terrible being fat. I imagine it's hard cause that's your addiction, you know, but everyone gets to see what your addiction is. I know.

It's so hard. On a flight actually with Burt and the flight attendant did like a discreet seat belt extender. Like they, to him, to him, they gave it to him and he was like, thanks. And then, you know, she came back, she was like, you need anything? He was like, take another vodka soda if you don't. Oh my gosh. Yeah. But it was the thing.

I've seen them give, I've seen it done discreetly, which is nice to do it that way. They do it kind of like, like walking by, like they're dropping something off, you know, like not make a scene of it. Yeah. Don't be a dick. I mean, they're embarrassed enough. I'm sure. Yeah.

It's terrible. You'd have to buy two seats on a plane. Jeez. Yeah. But Burt does it all the time. Yeah. He does. He just flies first class.

Isn't that why? Cause the seats are bigger. Mm-hmm. That's why he does it. Yeah. A little bit of room. He barely wedges into those seats. I know.

Yeah, fullHaking. Um, this is one for you. Mm-hmm. What do you think of this? Mm-hmm. Why don't you read that out loud? I can't. Okay.

Hi, mommies. Congrats Jeans. My aunt and I have gotten into heated discussions about what pre natal vitamins do your nose picking. She thinks that because the vitamins make your nails grow so long, yeah. You people that know the training system for titled vienen v팅er native people. Have I been chosen? I completely disagree and I've used my claws as shovels to grab that shit up from, from

up in my brain. My question is obviously for Christina, queen of personality. Thank you. Do you use your prego claws to your advantage or do you cut them? These are the thoughts I have after my husband has left for work and picking my nose waiting for my coffee. Thanks, mommies. I love you.

Sarah. Well, Sarah, I have to tell you right that your nails go, do you know that? Your nails grow like those crazy people that we play videos of. Faster? Yeah. So it's, you have to, I like them short. I think it's disgusting personally to have long nails. Well, think about how if somebody with long nails feels hearing that right now.

I mean, seriously, you didn't even say I prefer long nails or short nails. You say those people are disgusting. I mean, I said, I think it's disgusting. Not the people. It doesn't matter. Do you think that they, I mean. Yeah, you got to think about everybody's feelings all the time. No, I find it unhygienic because I personally get a lot of dirt.

Think about how people with poor hygiene feel when I make fun of it. Yeah, man. It's not okay. God. If somebody beat me. Oh, the trauma. Oh, so sad. So, so sad.

No. Anyways, to answer your question, I keep them shorter because actually I found that nose picking is enhanced with a shorter nail. Yeah. You're going to do more damage with a longer nail and you're also going to introduce more bacteria into your nose, which is how you get sick. Now, apropos our discussion earlier, how I avoid sickness. I'm a compulsive hand washer.

I wash the backs of my hands like a surgeon. I sing happy birthday song three times as I wash. That's the rule. You're a mental patient. And I do not pick my nose if I know there's sickness in the house. This is truth. I will use a Kleenex instead because that's how you get colds as you pick your nose, you rub your eyes, you put your fingers in your mouth.

True story. All right. Don't touch your fucking face. That's how you avoid sickness. Okay. You're not a nose picker like me. You're a thumb picker. I've seen you.

You do this. You do this. Yeah. You pull out a scrounger, you roll, and then you flick off the back. I like to flick, yeah. Sometimes I dig with the index finger too. I've seldom seen you. And sometimes pinky.

I've seen you do the pinky. Pinky, I'll do that too. You used to roll your boogers in my car. I flick the one on the floor. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks for doing that. It's really cool.

Flick. Flick. You're so nasty. You nasty. Now I'm into picking my son's nose. It's a fun game. It's kind of the best thing. It's very rewarding.

And he's like, he'll raise it, he'll let you, and then he doesn't know what you're doing. He's like, whatever you're doing, man, whatever. It's just as gratifying to pick your son's nose as it is to pick your own. I had no idea. It's one of the joys of parenthood. Now, I don't like picking your nose though. I think it's disgusting. Yeah.

But our son, I love it. You remember last week, I think it was last week, there was this big news story that dear leader Trump supposedly in a meeting referred to African countries and Haiti as shithole countries. He said, why are we getting all these people from these shithole countries when we could be at one? I prefer to get people from Norway. I mean, you tell me if there's any subtext.

But yeah, so obviously, and then he came out and said, I never said that, and then people confirmed that he said that, and then I think the Republicans that were in the meeting said they couldn't recall what he said. Either way, this came in that some big words were said on CNN by somebody who was trying to make a point about how offended he was by hearing the president say, or the alleged comment that he said that there's people from shithole. Well, the president never takes responsibility. Nothing ever happens.

It's never his fault. Phil Mudd, let me get your reaction to what the president said about these immigrants who want to come to the United States from countries like Haiti and Africa. Well, here's more because I'm going to give you a reaction and it's personal. I'm a proud shithole. My family was called Wops and Macreleaders. We came from Italians and Irish who were regarded as people from shithole countries. Oh, wow.

A century ago, we called people slan eyes, Chinese immigrants that were now ashamed of speaking about in those terms because they came from a shithole country, and now they're a backbone of this country. In the 1940s, we called people traitors because they came from a shithole country. We called Japan and we're ashamed. We call people who fled from conflict in Central America, spicks and wetbacks, and we're ashamed. Jeez. The president is growing this country on the backbone of bigotry that comes from when

I saw my family called spicks, Wops, and Macreleaders. We should be ashamed. Macreleaders. We've learned too many lessons and history will. Okay. What's a Macreleader? Macreleader. Is he talking about Macaroni?

Macaroni eater? So what are you saying? Macrel, like the fish? I don't know. Let's look it up. I've never heard that one before. You learn something new on this show every week. Just like a dog-cunt, yeah, Macrel.

It was a, oh, a Macrel, what? Link of the fish, right? It was once a sectarian slur for Roman Catholics. Oh, right, because they eat fish on Fridays or your ... Oh, yeah. Well, that's funny. That's hilarious. Yeah.

What about Hungary? I'm a shithole country. Yeah. What about Eastern Europe? I know. What are the slurs for them? About Slovakia or whatever, Ukraine, Russia. Are we all shithole?

Yeah. Anti-Hungarian sentiment. Oh, let's see. It's called Hungarophobia, anti-Hungarianism, is distressed, racism, xenophobia directed against the Hungarians. Sounds like it. It could involve hatred, grievance, distrust, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, due to Hungarian background.

I'm trying to see if there's any ... Goulash eater. Yeah. I don't know. Hungos. I don't see any list of slurs. Give me some hatred stuff. In English, oh, a Bohunk.

A Bohunk. It is a combination of Bohemian and Hungarian. Cool. And hunky, derived from Bohunk. It's in the movie 16 Candles. It is? Yeah. Long duck dongs.

It's an Himalayan oily Bohunk. The dad calls her fiance a Bohunk. Hmm. Let's see if there's another. Genie's marrying a Bohunk. Yeah. It says Bohunk here. Yeah.

Oh, so he's a hunk, though? No, but I'm saying that's one of the ... It's like the slur. Oh, cool. Now, you are a spick, right? Pretty much through and through. I mean, you're a ... Christine the Bohunk. Yeah. Pretty accurate.

Yeah. Pollock. I got to call pollock a lot growing up. Did you? That makes sense, though. Well, yeah. It's more common. Yeah.

As defined here, it's just a person of Hispanic descent. Theories include no spick English, and that's where spick comes from. Oh, no spick English. Oh, that's funny. But it believes that it's the abbreviation of Hispanic. In other words, spick English. Interesting. All right.

No spick English. No spick ... I know spick English. Everybody says it like that, though. Every ... A taco head is a Mexican person. I've never heard taco head. He says that's from born on the 4th of July. That's where it was ...

Yeah, it's not real. That's kind of a made-up one. Yeah. Spick's pretty good. Yeah. Spick, spick, spick, or spigotty. It sounds so mean, though, spick. Spick sounds harsh.

Yeah. Greaser. Isn't that a greaser? Greaser? Yeah. Oh, that's a full metal jacket. Let's see. Greaseball.

But that's an Italian, right? I guess you could also have ... Oh. Italian greaseball usually is what they say, right? Yeah. Italian greaseball. You fucking guinea greaseball. Yeah.

Yeah. But then that guy goes on Don Lemon, the same guy, and he pushes ... He's seen these conversations that this is economic, so let's be clear. Philip Mudd. The white honky from Norway couldn't come here, but a black dude from Haiti can't. What does that tell you in America that in one generation called you a nigger? What does that tell you, Don? Whoa.

Big words. Nice. He's just throwing ... He's throwing all of them out there. I didn't know you were going to go straight to that. Holy shit, bro. Jeez. You've got to ...

Big words. He's very fired up. I can tell you that what that tells a honky like me, we're no different than we were a generation ago, and we're learning the same lessons that we learned when we called a Chinese man a slan-eye, when we called a man from Guatemala a spick and a wetback, and we called a black man a nigger. He likes to say them. I think he likes to run through his knowledge of them.

Yeah. He's like ... He's like, I got good ones, guys. He goes, give me a country. Give me one. Go. That is kind of a real gift he's got. That's what it tells me.

We got a ways to learn, but we can step back and say, we're proud because I spoke this on CNN, 30 to one, the emails I got were saying, you speak for us, and we are not from Africa, and we're not from Norway, we're from Italy, we're from Ireland. Okay. Wow. We got many Haitians speaking of. What do we call the Chinese man a slan-eye? Oh my God.

God. When we called a man from Guatemala a spick and a wetback. Holy cow. Geez. I got you. That's such a beautiful region of the world. Where? I don't even think Trumpers has been to, I.T.

I.T., yeah. Dominican Republic. That is a beautiful region. Conan went down there to do his show. You know that? Oh, very nice. Yeah. When the earthquake happened?

This is the last week. Oh, he did. Yeah. Oh, just to show Trump. I mean, yeah, he just like did a few shows from down there. That's wonderful. It's awesome. Yeah.

It's like the most beautiful, they're so nice. It's really like the sweetest culture to be diminishing of them. I mean, it's like what? Saba. I.T. Yeah. They're so sweet. Speaking of Conan Gingerboy O'Brien.

Yes. I'm going back on his show. Excite. I'll be on there. If you're listening, I'll be there Thursday, the 25th. That's exciting. Please watch. Please enjoy.

I'll be talking to Mr. Conan O'Brien. He's wonderful. You went on there. I was supposed to talk to him today. Oh. Not him. Not him. I was supposed to talk to him.

Yeah, today. I forgot about that. Yeah. We went on there when our son was first born. And then I went on again last year. Oh, right, right, right. I forgot about that one. Yeah.

It's exciting. Very exciting. He's a nice dude. He's the nicest. And so is Andy. They're very, very nice people. They're so funny together. They're great.

They're really nice people. Check this out. Check it out. Check it out. Try it out. So there's a new rapper on the scene from Australia. I love Australia. And here's the thing.

Is that a shithole country? That is not a shithole country. No, and our president would be glad to accept Australians. Why is that? I don't know. It's weird. Anyways, this rapper might have a cease and desist headed his way. Because guess what he's using as his MC name, his artistic name?

No. He is going by Top Dog. No. I can't stop and I won't stop. I'll make it pop. I'll make it drop. I'll make it stop. This is Top Dog here in your ear.

This is what you're about to hear. Because I'm back for good. And you ain't even Hollywood. You think he's a fan of the show? Must be. Must be. It's not impossible. Hmm.

I mean, you heard those presales are good for Australia. That's interesting. This guy just out there using Top Dog's name. I like his raps and flows though. So far, the words have rhymed. Yeah, it's not bad. It's still a blunt to a man that is six feet tall on that wall. Yeah, I am and I don't care what anyone says because Top Dog is he.

So bring it, suckers. Can you guess what I'm fixated on? Just knowing me for 12 years to be married. A technique, the way that he goes from the like his cadence kind of sets himself up for the next line. No. No. Facial hair. No.

Just knowing me personally. Wait, let me, hold on. Let me watch a little more. I'll see if I can figure it out. God, it's really hard to watch. You reach. I think you're not. I think you're a snitch.

I think you're a snitch. Well, baby, you know me. I'm the craziest man you've ever seen. Yeah. Wow. That's, um...yeah. It's pretty good. It is pretty good.

It's hard to...in case you haven't guessed, it's the teeth. You think you're rich. It's hard for me to watch. I think you're not. I think you're a snitch. Well, I think you're a snitch. But baby, you know me, I'm the craziest man you've ever seen. She was thin.

Walking down the streets. Walking down the streets. Walking down the streets. Yeah. She's the worst thing. See, I think our machines with that guy just has a little more passion. I don't know. This guy seems pretty passionate.

I just...this guy's got more technical ability. But our guy is like... Okay. I just feel it more. I think, again, you know, what he's missing is just a great producer. As always. Can we get Jimmy Iveen? Iveen?

Is that what his name is? On the phone? Yeah. Okay. Let's go down to Malibu and find him. Yeah. Could be. Get him to produce this guy.

Because I am. It's hard. That mouth is... It's better than him. Fucking bad. We'll be one day. Definitely one day. Slay the AK.

Yeah, this is my day. Yeah. Top dog's day. Bitch. Well, he definitely...I mean, he definitely rapped a lot. He rapped a lot. I mean, it's good. Again, it's so distracting the mouth.

I can't...I can't get past the teeth. She's worth it. There we go. There's my boy. She's worth it. Walking down the streets. Walking down the streets. Walking down the streets.

Walking down the streets. Walking down the streets. Yeah. She's worth it. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. There's our dude.

So what were you fixated on? I got it. Teeth. Yeah. No, I didn't think about that. They're really bad. I mean, yeah, but that could be part of the hook of the, like, you know... Should we call it DJ Bad Mouth?

Not DJ Dad Mouth. That was great. That's really good. We should suggest that. Yeah. I mean, that was terrible. Let's see. Here's the thing.

If you embrace it, it's like you embrace... Yeah. Like, what's the lady? She has kind of crooked teeth. Which one? She's a, you know... You know what I'm talking about. Jewel.

Jewel. Oh, yeah. Snaggle tooth. Yeah. It was a long time ago when she was going to fix her teeth. Oh, yeah, no, no. And her fan base flipped out. No way.

It's like Barbara Streisand's nose. Everyone told her to get a nose job. She was like, no fucking way. And now people love it. Just like me with my quadruple d-tits. Super slut 15 d-tits. Yeah. I really...

The more pregnant I become, the more I feel like Doc the Bounty Hunter's wife. It's not a good look. I just feel like I look bigger. You look great. You look great. You know what I mean. The bigger they get, the bigger I get. Yeah.

You got big old knockers. You're going to feed a whole bunch of babies with those titties. Fuck dude. Yeah. You got big old titties. Oh my God. We were watching dark. Oh, Jesus Christ.

I can't watch missing kids, dude. Okay. So if you haven't seen dark, it's on Netflix. Dork. Dork. It's dork-sided, but it became... It's kind of been this international, you know, sensation. I've heard a lot of people talking about it.

One thing I'm fascinated by, I've never seen this on Netflix. Or really, you don't see it that often if you are watching programming at all in the United States when a foreign show has dubbed as opposed to subtitles. It's rare. But I have a theory on this. My theory is this. Well, because they have a lot of subtitled stuff. Yeah.

Like Netflix, it's not uncommon to see subtitles. I think my guests, and I want to research and find out if this is true, that they dubbed as opposed to subtitled because through their own research found that Americans didn't want to listen to German. It's a beautiful language. I think that's where... I really think that's why... How dare you offended.

I studied German and college is a beautiful language. Other... Because why would they... Because there's a bunch of shows with subtitles. He's all the way... Like, why would they do that if that's not the case? Why? Why is Narcos all in Spanish and subtitled?

I don't know. I mean, my guess is Narcos, a biggest show as dork, meaning is it bigger than dork? Oh, yeah. I don't know, dude. I mean, it's fucking... I don't like it. It always reminds me of those KTLA morning movies where they used to play Pippi Longstocking and then they dub her shit over.

And I don't like... They had a lips not moving. I don't like watching things not match up. I admit that, but it is easier to follow. You end up being lost in the story. I mean, but there's so many Latin... I mean, so many Latin people in the US. Right.

Yeah, maybe we're just more used to hearing Spanish. That's what I'm saying. And I feel like Americans, for the most part, are like, what the fuck? Or maybe they found that people were clicking off the show because it was subtitled. There you go. And they're like, no, this is such a good show. We need people to be watching. Actually, the first time we tried watching dork, the subtitle feature wasn't working.

Really? Yeah. We were watching it twice and they just weren't coming up. Like it wasn't working at all. And it was all in... It was all in Sprecken zu Deutsch. Deutsch, man, heißen. Yeah.

Yeah. Ich bin ein Berliner. Shut up. How the fuck did you get that? Bagnat. Bagnat. Okay. Why don't we just wrap it up, man?

Oh, okay. Yeah, try it out. Try it out. Piss on me, beat me. Piss on us, beat us, try it out. Thanks, as always, for listening to the show. Thanks for watching on YouTubes. YouTube tubes.

We have some great guests coming up in the next few weeks. Your emails are always appreciated. The email address is yourmomspodcast at gmail.com. There's no house in that email. It's yourmomspodcast. Christina, you got to tell us next week about this show you did with Gal Gadot. Someone said this to me on Twitter and I've heard it before. I apparently look like the girl in Supergirl and that photo.

It really does. I was like, oh my God, did someone photoshop it? Yeah. Her mouth and her eyes. It's her mouth and stuff. Yeah. It's this expression. Similar face.

How funny. But she's missing something else. No tits. I do love that Gal Gadot. Yeah, she's sweet. You got to see Wonder Woman. It's so good. Yeah, this girl's got it.

Hungry. Hungry tits. Feed them. I look at your chest and there's nothing that she got. Hungry tits. Take a spoon and make your titties eat. All right. We got to get going.

Thank you for listening. TomSegura.com. Christina P. Online. Hungry tits. Is that it, dog cunt? Is that all we're doing? Here's Dog Cunt by Brassica. We'll see you next week.

We got a good one for you next week. All right. Love you. Bye, guys. Love you, James. Jesus face. Nice on the hot day. Ah, baby.

Put all that in first. Yeah, fucking dog cats. Jesus face. Nice on the hot day. Fuck you. Dog cats. Ah, baby. Jesus face.

Nice on the hot day. Fuck you. Dog cats. Ah, baby. Jesus face. Nice on the hot day. Fuck you. Dog cats.

Ah, baby. Jesus face. Nice on the hot day. Fuck you. Jesus face. Nice on the hot day. Fuck you. Dog cats.

Ah, baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby. Baby.

Dog cats. Baby. Baby. Baby. Fuck you. Baby. Baby. Baby.

Baby. Baby. Fuck you.