Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 433-Bill Burr-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: January 31, 2018

Oh my goodness, Jean. We don't really think this episode needs a description. The great Bill Burr joins us and Hen has some amazing, hilarious thoughts, just like you thought he would.  We discuss who is a bigger psycho, Billy or Tommy.  PLUS, will Bill stop gender identifying his child? We hope so.  AND, will Bill laugh at a man getting crushed by a car? We have the footage.  

Tommy? Tommy? Tommy? Yeah? Tommy? Tommy? Would you marry your dad? Just like the gays

Just like the gays Just like the gays Just like the gays Just like the gays Tommy, would you marry your son? Yes, of course My god, I wish I could Tommy, would you marry your dad?

Oh, yeah Yeah, of course I would do it Christina, would you marry your son? Oh my god Yeah, yeah Would you marry your dad? Yeah, of course, I live for this kind of shit Yeah

Just like the gays Just like the gays Just like the gays Just like the gays Just like the gays Would you marry your mom? No I think I'd marry my dad

Christina Would you marry your mom? I don't know Would you marry your dad? Yeah, of course For sure I really would Tommy

Tommy Tommy Just like the gays Would you marry your dad? Oh, man Would you? No I would marry your dad, but I wouldn't marry my mom

Welcome to an episode of your mom's house podcast I am your host Tom Segura and sitting beside me is my triple D slut wife Fuck my stoma Christina P

If you missed it the references in that you gotta go into the catalog Ask them will you ever date your mom and figure out why it is just It's just like the gays Now, you do

Once in a while he calls me mom You would marry your dad over your mom, right? You had to choose between them It's who you can spend time with I'd marry your dad, too My dad and Harvey I would marry him tomorrow

He's so chill Yeah, he's the best I might in my life end up marrying my dad at some point If this doesn't work out I'll tell my own stories It was a real kiss It was a real crush

I'm gonna kiss my dad What is wrong with the world? It was a real kiss It was real Mom Gene A lot of exciting stuff coming up for our road work

As one of the leading non-binary comics in the nation I'm sorry, you're the leading non-binary? One of, I said one of not the I'd say I'm the leading non-binary Agree to disagree You're the R word comedian

Stop it So It's kind of ironic You kind of did become R worded R worded I'll be at the come house this weekend in Pasadena That's not what they want you to call me I don't know what it's called

The Ice House It's all sold out Thanks everybody Desmois, Iowa Next week, that shit's sold out Then I'm going to Washington, Kentucky Sexy, Sextington

March 1st through 3rd Come on a bus, Ohio OH I'm gonna be there March 22nd 24th Shartlake, Titties, Utah I'm going to Australia Melbourne sold out

Sydney has a few tickets left Brisbane's about to sell out Perth as well And then Sperm Can, Washington Shartlet, North Carolina Brea, I just added Brea in August And thank you to everybody In the great city of New Orleans, Louisiana The show on the 29th sold out

We added a show Friday September 28th That is more than half sold out So get your tickets while you can Thank you very much Gene, where are you going to be? I'm in Shartlake, Titties this weekend What are you doing? Friday, Saturday?

Yeah, 2nd and 3rd It's like the Saturday early shows About to sell out And it's getting pretty high those numbers Get your tickets now You're gonna fall in love with that club Wise guys Fucking wise guys

Hey Fucking breaking my balls February 23rd The Calusa Casino in Calusa, California One show only and I'm bringing Mary Lynn Rice Cub with me March 30th and 31st Here I am, Comedy Club

In Portland, Oregon That should be really fun I'm looking forward to that Tickets at Christina P online Check it out, try it out Beat me, piss on me What is he saying? I'm a hot white trash I'm a hot white trash

A hot white trash We haven't even gotten into the grammar of that The grammar on that was sort of the Least of my concern But there's so many concerns to uncover We've just begun Piss on me, try it out I'm looking for hardcore guys

They mean it I want to deliver it I'm a hot white trash Come dump, let's fuck I'm a hot white trash I'm a hot white trash I'm a hot white trash, come dump So actually it's grammatically correct

I'm a hot white trash He's so Just really He beat me Well, now you know what you're getting into This is your mom's house podcast Podcast The podcast is here

Gene, giveaway That's it, Gene We have a really fun podcast We had the great Bill Burr Self-professed ball hog And a great guy A great guest A great comedian

Great guy Thanks Bill for coming over And I hope you guys enjoy this We'll see you next week, bye Gene Bye mommy All right Gene Here we are And here we go

I just saw Fifo humping Bitsy, very rare in this house He doesn't have a high libido We thought we had absolutely none We thought we had a genderless, sexless Asexual Asexual animal for many years He was, we cut his nuts off

And didn't change No, we got him fixed Of course we did No, we did not He arrived to us with these big black balls Remember, he had big black nuts And huge For his little body

That's right because The first day that We got Fifo, we walked him into our house And he was like I am Peyton Lafferty And I'm a ball hon That's right, true story

The shelter named him Peyton Lafferty And we had to change it I got these big black balls And I let you suck on them They were so big And I remember he used to run And they would jangle, it was actually very cute But no, now he has no balls

But he's just humping her He gets anxious when other people are coming around I think he senses we're going to have a guest Yeah, you think so? No, that's the only time he does it When he senses it's chaos It's like when you are anxious Or depressed and you masturbate compulsively

Or when you're on the road and you're depressed Yeah, why are you telling everybody? Isn't that everybody's thing? Especially if you know like a red hat's coming over Then it happens more He gets excited over that I think he knows, yeah He's a huge fan of the guy that's coming today

I know he watches all of his specials Huge fan of ATC You know, and the fucking You know, the fucking guys out of their fucking minds Yeah, you know So... It's excite Yeah, excite, amaze

Anyways, we had a lot to cover Let's get into it Okay, yes Alright, you crazy ball hog Here we go The team developed an ingestible electronic capsule to monitor gas levels in a human gut

When it's paired with a pocket-sized receiver and a mobile phone app The pill reports tailwind conditions in real time as it passes from the stomach to the colon This shit is big time Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this

You're burning the fucking stand Welcome Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura Tom Segura Shits in Christmas Welcome to your mom's house Do it, Tom

Do it, Tom Kabuki I'm petting Laferne I'm a ball hog That's my favorite series of all time I also like the name Patent... Laferne It's such a white girl

It's such a thing to pick your porn name It's an old kind of Wait a minute, that's not her given god name You would never believe it But no Your parents didn't destine you to become a pornography There's like three people that use their real name

Yeah And everybody else obviously picks a performing name And the old joke is like you pick like the name your first hat I mean what if you had to go out there right now and pick a porn name Easy to pronounce, easy to spell

Horrible I'm such an idiot I should have changed my last name 15 years ago when I started to stand up But I couldn't find a suitable I just couldn't I tried I wanted to be Christina Black

But then there's Jack Black He was huge at the time Lewis Black There are I know exactly what you mean They're everywhere They're coming into our cities Yeah, they're ruining everything

No, there are too many people with that last name And that's what I wanted I couldn't think of something What would you name me now Besides Segura obviously But I can't do that because we're not the f***ing Bobsy twins of comedy I know Delilah Dog Hunt

Dog Hunt would be Talk about us, ticket seller Christina, if Dog comes If you were doing Porn and they Do that thing before your scene Where they go, the guy The guy is like, hey baby

You look super hot And you're like, thanks And he's like, what's your name? Delilah Dog Hunt Whoa, let's see this thing That does peak your interest No If somebody texted me right now

You seen this Delilah Dog Hunt Whoa, what? Like yeah, she's doing Porn and she's pretty f***ing crazy Of course, she named herself Dog Hunt That is the craziest She's wild for sure

Delilah Dog Hunt It's so funny That the Porn Industry still insists On calling it things like Scenes or films I know, I love it My favorite language

Thing that they do Is that they call people outside of it Citizens Why do that in comedy? I know, but it's just funny to me That like, because there is Usually when you think of civilians You think of the military

So I think of porn people Thinking of themselves as Really sacrificing Or just the cultural elite Well these regular civilians They don't know The kind of thing that we do We're special

We don't know anything about f***ing Civilians I'm going to shoot my scene today It does help psychologically It's all about psychological Yeah, because you've got to feel okay About being Peyton Lafferty the ball hog Of course

So people around you normalize it Yes That's absolutely true I guess porn back in the day Was shown in movie theaters Which now you're just like Could you even imagine going to All of us sitting in a full theater

Not jerking off like a whole room full of dudes Especially that now they have those recliner chairs In theaters So it's like state of the art comfortable Yeah, you can have a blanket over you You can press a button to call the server In some of those exclusive theaters And be like, I kind of need some more tissues

Sorry, sorry, sorry You have to whisper it I made a mess Can I have the cum cleaner But then the cum cleaner will come around And wipe you off as part of the service He's just an old guy and you're like It's not erotic, you're like, huh man

I've been cleaning cum for 48 years He's got a filthy rag and he's The same rag on everyone He's like, I came here, I needed a job And they said clean the cum And that's how I get my living And you're like, where you going now? I think cum cleaner's got to be the worst

Job in the world I did it Yeah, I was a cum cleaner I got it Yeah, but not like in the movie theater No, but it was nasty as fuck Nasty as hell I did laundry where people just fuss

I had to mop the floor The hot tub Just so people know there was this place called Splash The relaxation spa On Third Street It was my date For some reason every day Ended up at Splash

I'll tell you why Why did they do that? It was monetary, so what happened was Splash They call it the relaxation spa So if you're unaware, you go like Oh, maybe that's a spa Of course you would, because that's what they're calling it

So at a spa, I imagine I go like, I like spas, this is when I first got here I like to relax I like steam rooms, you know Like maybe I can get a discount On the side So I figured, you know, I'll be like a towel boy Like the guys you see at a spa

Dressed up and like wearing their little thing Like can I get you a glass of water or something So I get there And the guy gives us a tour I was with my friend Chuck and we go in there And he's like, oh, it's hourly rentals Of themed rooms

So there's like the Barcelona room That's right, I remember that Japanese garden, Greek room The Greco-Roman, that's a stupid Columns behind them It has like plants and paintings on the wall Fake plants And it has a hot tub and a bed

And so what it would do is It was just to rent Now they would lean on the fact That this is like a date spot Because there were some people That wanted to do that as like A date, like an exciting, now let's go to this But can you, okay, and this is my

Thought always on blind date with Roger Lodge There are two horrendous first dates For me personally Number one, the workout date Terrible Meet me at the gym And we'll put on our gym clothes and sweat Terrible

Number two, the jacuzzi, the public jacuzzi date It's crazy, I mean that's television But they knew it was good TV And when I said monetaries because it was Cheap for a TV production They were thrilled to have the publicity Of Splash on every episode of So what would happen is people would come in

Splash, yeah But that big thing was hookers, right Clearly So because it's also where else can you go for an hour Yeah Now when I got, when the guy was hiring us And training us, he told us People will come in and they'll ask you

About getting a hooker here You cannot tell them You have to say like we don't do anything like that We don't provide the hooker, but you can bring You can bring a hooker, of course But like you can't be like hey can you help arrange A hooker to come here So man

I mean we lasted, Chuck lasted like three days I lasted like two weeks What kept you hanging in Like what was Honestly it was just that I had a job So I was like, but then like it was one of those things Psychologically you break down Because it's gross

Yeah So they used to have this policy that you have to go You have to go to the room You have to go to the room When all parties are there But imagine if you're meeting a hooker Let's say you set it up And you don't, like you're nervous, right

You're embarrassed that this is happening So I would see guys come in and they were like I'll take the whatever room I'm like okay and they're like I'd like to go there And I'd be like well is the other person here No they're gonna meet me here And I go you have to wait till they get here And they would get like they're like I don't want to wait

I just want to go in there and I'm like I'm sorry it's policy You'd see them Just kind of like man Is there nothing I can do I really don't want to be like waiting here Like I'm sorry that's like that's the policy And then Like a couple of times I would see

You know another guy would walk in And go Kevin And then he would Are you Mario? And they'd be like okay I was like okay And then I would take them to the room One time two guys

Or one guy had two guys meet him there And they were in that room Six minutes you know Peyton Lafferty And then I'd walk in there and there's like three use condoms Of course But there was no actual policy at Splash Prohibiting

Of course not Or body fluid being expelled in the water I mean that was encouraged But we just couldn't You couldn't get the hookers for them But you could facilitate the meeting kind of thing I mean you're just like you're renting a room Like I don't care what you do in there

But a room that's also really Unhygienic and really dangerous If everyone's coming in the whirlpool Every day I mean how many loads of jizz were In those jacuzzi's And then now you're going to rent that jacuzzi It's so unhygienic

We had a whole system for like pH balance We had to do that after everything Then we had this mop You had to mop with the special cleaning thing And then you had to Bunch up all the The linens and wash that

After every client Of course no matter what Even if they like didn't use the bed You still had to do it I remember one time this couple came in That was clearly like a real couple And the guy was like Nasty as hell

And she was like no it's going to be fun She was trying to have like a romantic night I take them to their room And like a minute later The guy calls the front desk And I go yeah he's like Nasty as hell man And so I go down there

And there was like pubic hair And I don't know in the sink or something I was like oh I had to pretend I was like oh my gosh So I immediately cleaned it up Of course and I'm assuming that's why Splash got shut down was probably Prostitution and

I don't know I think he actually probably just had a good run That place was It wasn't old but I mean when I moved here Which was over more than 15 years ago He had all white hair And he was Had to be like in his 60s or something Oh I mean Splash has been around

That guy probably I don't know if it got closed for that As much as it might have been just the end of the run But growing up here Splash was the punchline You take your day to Splash Everybody knew that some nasty shit Was going down to Splash

That shows you when you're new somewhere I just walked in there like I like Spods I wish I would have known you right when you moved here I would have told you to run from Splash Yeah it was so gross He was such a weird guy Clearly could you imagine what a rough business to run

He boasted about his friendship with Hugh Hefner And you know Parties at the Playboy Mansion Typical like douchey old guy And the grotto The run down I get a lot of brats Anyways

We saw a movie I wanted to have fun The other day and we made the mistake Of seeing the movie The Post It wasn't a fun movie I don't know why I thought it would be It's a well constructed movie I think all the moving parts

Of a story Are there It's well put together Yeah I just didn't find it that exciting I felt like Am I a dumb person Because I'm not riveted by what's happening

Our guest is here We got to Stop for a moment And get our guest Will you make a note of where we stopped this conversation So we can talk further about it Thank you We had to stop really quickly

To let our guest in He's here now I know many of you know him From his many stand up comedy Specials His hit show I love the 80s Strikes Back I think I did a few of those too

Fart is for family On Netflix It's old Billy Rednuts What's going on Is this your third time Second Back in the old school And now here

Thanks for coming over man Lots changed with you I remember in the Silver Lake days You were just a young little man And now you've got the wife You've got your kid You were just I'm just developing very slowly

A delightful young man I remember I met I met Bill I don't know if I mentioned this on the last one But I met him in person I'd seen him on a Chappelle show And you know At the height of its popularity

And then I was at Melrose And this is like I don't know what It was the year that you moved here And he was at the bar And I just started talking to him And he was like I walked here Silver Lake

You walked here from Silver Lake He was like yeah kind of far And I go yeah And I still in New York Sort of stay in my mind Which makes sense Plus I want to be able to see a little bit of the city It's just like so much of it

It's just like Just go go go go go Somebody up your ass as you're trying to drive or something And I gave him a ride back to his house And I was like this is way far For a walk And then right before he got out of the car He goes do you want to see me come

And I was like alright And he you know He just jerked off Is this a me too story The thing is like I was I wasn't affected by it I'm saying that I was like That's pretty cool man

And he goes that's the secret to being good at standing I remember this story Too many comics listen to me But that is the secret For all you young Open micers out there Gotta start doing it more We discovered that

This is the weirdest story anybody's ever said In a podcast That made me uncomfortable From the beginning too Now it's the serial killer Tone of his Complete lack of emotion Thank you

Can I tell you something From that story is the sound of somebody gagged Screaming in the other room Now I know that you I was just letting go Yeah And I know that you suspect that my husband is a psycho I've heard about this

No I know and I actually agree And I've been trying to prove this on this show For a long time You know there's like bud and there's bud light There's like psycho and psycho light He's not the high calorie one That can't get married and have kids That's right!

But if his thoughts were a movie Definitely NC17 He's a functioning psychopath You know why Because when I started dating him This is a true story When I started dating Tom Segura back in 05 There were red flags

Little stuff Like when we were Dead animals behind your apartment building I remember in the beginning You were all lovey-dovey And you'd be like I like you so much I like you so much I just want to gouge your eyes out

I want to squish your face and kill you And put a sledge hammer in your head Remember that stuff Tom? You're like I love you so much I just want to smash your goddamn head in I'm being serious Somebody said that about my kid one time Oh my god look at those feet I just want to cut him off

And I was just like Yeah fucking lunatics Yeah right there you can't be with a person like that If you ever need a safe house We got a guest room Well I'm two kids deep now I think I used to say I want to put your head Through that dress

But I was like as an expression of love Right and there were other things too It's because you don't like love And you hate that it makes you feel weak or something That you want to violently take it out on her That's exactly right I mean you know it worked out It did actually

You were frustrated that you knew you had no control That you had for your wife So then you were starting to feel trapped I think it was more of like I didn't know how to express how good I felt So I thought No He really just tried to play like dim-witted there

See that's how I fell for it Calculated You're everything you need to be to make in this business Yeah You just can't be creative and just be floating around Like oh that tickles my artistic fantasy You have to have a plan You gotta leave your friends and family behind

This is all these things when Oprah talks about women Oh you're gonna do this She leaves all that part out You're gonna miss your children growing up You're gonna get to the top of the mountain And you're going to be alone And have no real friends And there's a reason I never had children as Oprah

Because I don't have time for that shit I wanted to fucking take over the world That's what Oprah said When you're swinging the sickle with both hands You can't carry a kid No I agree The other side of it Of course you're talking about me

Is that there's a lot of people writing in That Bill is you know much more Profound psycho I've seen it No I wouldn't disagree with that But I also think that like He just fits the

I get away with it being a redhead So everybody thinks oh opi Ron Howard they think like The guy who doesn't get the girl The fucking awkward That's what they think Every time there's a fucking serial killer That is the exact hairline

When they lead him out That is the exact fucking hairline Yeah You know I'm a sweet guy Bill That's why you're an extra psycho And Bill deals with his anger On stage right You've got parts of your actor

The punching of the muffins He deals with his anger creatively You suppress, you push down You push down, you stop What you're doing is you're looking at me on stage As if that's who I am You gotta talk to my wife My wife lives with me and I'm a fucking lunatic

What you express the rage It comes out creatively at least But it also comes out in his personal life Are you angry at home? Over the dumbest shit The stupidest What got you last time I don't remember

Just dumb shit I go to the garage and it's locked And I don't have my keys And I'll just scream of course To the point three houses down They'll hear it Can you imagine by the way she has this trait If you think I'm bad

How you would be with Mr. Burr over here So if I Drop my phone I go god damn it Shit What happened I drop my phone Cause I had so much anger in my house

Growing up everybody's yelling All the time and I don't like it So why did you pick this lunatic Cause he doesn't rage He suppresses it And then he'll let it out of one big spurt I'll really piss him off and then he'll let it Let me have it

It takes like a while You poke the dog, you poke the dog You poke the dog and then the dog eventually I don't bite really though I bite? I'm sure I'm way worse than him I don't want you guys bicker Now hold on Bill, when you say of course

God damn it right when you forget the keys What's the of course That's the movie trailer That's not the movie of me getting angry I mean it's Tourette's Tourette's I have like a string It's almost like Carlin's 7 dirty words

I can't do it unless I'm mad I know cunt is in there Cocksucker What about dog cunt I do that Cocks I go mother fucking god damn it Mother fucking shit cunt

But there's something about pronouncing The whole world it takes the edge off Mother fucking god damn Cocksucker It takes it away You know it's good for you There's studies about people who Angry scientists who are sick of

Their wives bitching at them I got a lot of work to do on myself I'm turning 50 this year so I'm already on the other side Of it so maybe the last three So maybe the last three holes Of the golf course Have you ever gone to therapy Wait do you play golf? No

Do you ever seen a shrink before Therapy yeah I went to therapy But you stopped going Well after a while it's just like well I've told all the bad stories I'm always going to have problems It's just becoming like this life long car Payment now to have to come over here

Be like well this happened My garage door was locked and I just I just felt like a pussy after a while Like when are you going to just get off This fucking couch here and go live your life And stop having to talk to this fucking person Yeah you're full of anger Because if you flog yourself

For being vulnerable Would you stop it like you have some sort of psychology Degree 10 years of therapy So what I've watched the football For 40 years I shouldn't be somebody's coach I agree Yeah I'm not your therapist And then you're going to like superimpose

Your fucking issues of the psychos In your life on to me it's like fucking alcoholics They just always like oh yeah Yeah you're drinking you must be like me The whole world because they're addicts So they're so fucking self-involved The whole world has to be like them Yes I agree I'm so glad you're here

About Christine and her place I'm the worst huh The worst And you know I think you're a fucking shrink right now I mean let the guy be good I'm trying to let him I'm letting him I'm enjoying him I want to ask Bill something is this funny to you

Oh Jesus So this guy is What's going on? Well he's backing into a mechanics garage Oh It's in Another part of the world So he's just kind of you know

Taking his time Kind of getting it aligned Oh fuck Jesus fucking Ah It's funny because you're laughing Dude somebody got to teach that person a little Throttle control

Look how concerned he is Yeah life life is cheap in that shop huh Oh man he just walked away That guy took it like a champ though huh Yeah pretty much man But funny I saw you laughing It's funny because it shouldn't have happened It's unexpected you didn't die

Yeah you know And it's a funny scream too Don't you think that part of the I think the guy in the red shirt would be a little more concerned Unless he was the guy driving Maybe he was the guy driving Isn't it a little funny You guys are both psychos

But if you listen to that you wouldn't think Like just close your eyes and listen to that yelling You know that doesn't sound like I'm pinned Right That's true I don't see it it helps See because Bill Enough already

See he's further than me But he thinks this is the funniest clip we've ever played I don't think it's THE funniest You really like it I think it shows a lack of empathy For others because But that man's heard I have a harder time laughing You know what I mean And I think that's your husband's identity

And that's his safety blanket so he stays in there Because he feels safe Therapizing What's my safe space Say that again Bill Laughing and doing that Wow that Tommy's crazy I like him

I'm not going to say mean things to him Because he's crazy No I don't fucking know You know You know Physical slapstick It's reality TV Slapstick

How long have Are you doing another season of your show Yeah we're Working on season 3 right now Is it awful to do that much work It can be On days when it's not working Days when it's not working

I mean you can say that about any job But I can tell you this It's way better than Back when I had nothing to do and I was staring at my phone But there's definitely Days when it's not working It's like anything, any job Some days it's great

And you're loving it and then other times you're like Oh my god how was it only 1130 Did you love animated shows I just always wondered like No I just love being able to say what I want to say Without a bunch of fucking assholes tweeting about it And for some reason you could do that in animation That's why I went into it

Really? I didn't know that Well because I was telling all these stories on stage And it was like this I feel bad for millennials everybody shits on them It's not their fault it's the people who raised them And everything got labeled And also it's not even people who Raised them it's this social media shit

That came out which is just a horrible For the most part experiment that's gone wrong And Everything just got labeled So all these stories that were funny And you could just oh you know I had a dad like that Or I had my brother was like that Or the guy down the street was like that

Everything got labeled to that Emotional abuse, physical abuse Bullying, fat shaming All of it Right down the thing so it's just This landmine of groans Trying to just tell the fucking story And then I get off stage

Everybody's like oh my god they would say My brother was like that and blah blah And I just got sick of Telling stories like that On stage and then I was walking my dog And I was thinking how the hell can I tell him And I don't know if I had watched A cartoon or something but I don't know

I was like what if I just animated him And I was just gonna make little animated shorts Five minute shorts but like most comedians I say I'm gonna do it and then I never did it And then I met Vince Vaughan And all those guys through Steve Byrne And My pilots never got picked up so I was like

No I don't have a show idea And I'm not taking myself off the table for a year So if you guys have a movie Or a TV and you want to cast me in something I will do that and then they go Oh okay alright now I'm walking down And I kind of felt bad I was like well I kind of have this Idea for an animated show and they were looking to do one

So they literally I was literally walking Out the door and they go let's hear it I told it to them and then You know those guys are like Amazing over there Wild West and They got me in touch with They brought in Mike Price from The Simpsons Mike Price said together we

Co-created the show and here we are It's amazing man it's awesome And you can run for I mean animated shows Fucking go forever man That's kind of the I guess the good and the bad You can get sick of it but it could be It all depends on the yeah If I'm sick of it I won't do it anymore

But I'm not sick of it I'm still having fun In a show like that because it's funny too with Netflix You know you get into one show And you're like how many episodes are in the season It's like eight god damn it The next show you pull up has 13 And the next show I mean what is like a 10 it's 10 okay yeah

Okay that's cool eight's not bad But if they're hour long Things even if it's a good show It does kind of feel like all of a sudden You've dumped all this work in your lap Like I gotta sit down and watch all of these And then if the story starts to go A little in a way that you don't want it

You're like ah fuck well things get I mean some of the shows Like House of Cards definitely got Backy as the Season to Progress I never got into that show I didn't like the assides to the camera That's the senator

And he's a hoobity doobity I just fucking I was like is they really gonna do this Every fucking 10 minutes That breaking of the fourth fucking wall I hate that shit I didn't like it in Ferris Bueller's day off Yeah either do the fucking

Movie or make a documentary I don't like this hybrid shit Like I'm supposed to be excited at home Like ooh he's talking to me There's like I don't know there's story I agree that That device can be distracting But the stories like the writing everything was

I thought spot on So good season one Season two got started off just like Crazy I like mid season Season three season four you're like What the fuck is this It's hard to keep it going It's like this giant pizza dough

And you just keep spinning it eventually There's no show at some point Other than Like the wire breaking bad There's a few that just somehow just stuck the landing The whole way but it's the hardest thing In the world To keep going and not eventually

You know half people going like You know oh my goodness it doesn't I don't like this character and then you gotta After a while you just exhaust All your characters that's not worried about our show People always fucking die on our show Yeah always introducing Characters and then somebody gets killed

So hopefully this season you know We're still working on it nobody dies That's awesome that's fantastic Yeah I'm a big fan man So congratulations on all that For real thank you yeah I love you Even just the way he goes yeah thank you

You know whatever he's just saying congratulations This is the lack of Like our relationship Is him trying to do that And then sees me looking at him like you're a psycho And then he laughs and he has like This infectious laughs and he just pulls me back in Like most of my

Most of my brain is saying I gotta get away from this guy because He's gonna fucking hit me over the head With a hammer But then that laugh I love his laugh Do people ever tell you Especially after he was caught And the movies started to come out

That you have a look of whitey bulger Is that a thing for you or no No never I could totally see you playing Actually I see it too a little bit I mean if they shoot another one I think the role was down to me and Johnny Depp And they were like

Which way do we go That ugly guy I think the last thing I said to the casting director I was like but wait I'm already bald Did you go in? No I didn't go in for that You think I'm actually going up He got offered that

He's fucking Johnny Depp But I figured you know they'd be like It's Bill Burr He sold out an improv Hey didn't you have a clip from Bill's show Oh is this here? I don't know Our producer sends us folders

Of shit I don't know this is it What is this Black guys love to fuck and fuck good If you're a hot black guy And you want to fuck me in 2395 You can move in but you got to fuck me I need to be fucked a lot man Get free food, free rent

And everything else man Is that from your show? No I'm just fascinated by that guy That's about as free as it gets I mean he just doesn't care If his mother sees that I mean you know He knows what he wants

Is that a bow in his hair Or is that just shit in the background I think that's a background He gave that as a dress Like you got free rent You got free food The reason why he's alone is He suffocates you

He's very needy I need to be fucked It sounds like If you were into that That he'd be enjoyable for about 2-3 days It would tire you out Men from jail, homeless Or you're a thug

You want to come move in Man free rent You get a lease and a key You see me when I come over today And try it out Try it out What do you think? He definitely was not built up as a child

No All that stuff Beat me pee on me It's just like your parents were just I think there's whole childhoods Were just yelling you're not good enough I wish the kid across the street That's horrible

I feel bad for that guy It's funny He hates himself He doesn't give a shit How do you get How does he have a job Rent free What are you doing?

Does he drive a UPS truck They're going to see that What he does at his own time He's not We can't give him any Black and high partners Just delivering the white neighborhood We keep that side of him

What do you think about drug use What do you think is going on there I think he's a little high Those rings around the eyes are pretty serious That's such a crazy mustache That if he shaved that off I don't think I'd recognize him I didn't even really think about the mustache

It's a good point It's dated If you want some track red Try it out I'm looking for hardcore guys I mean it I want to deliver it I'm a hot fuck

It's a good offer Rent free He's a hot cum dumpster He's got a lot going on Doesn't he have enough pain in his life He's got to be on this show too You know what I mean You know what I mean

That wasn't like low hanging That was actually If you did that in a movie If that was the character You would be nominated That was an amazing performance I actually What I was kind of addicted to

Was his cadence He had a very unique way of singing It's some sort of It says interesting speech pattern Here That might be the drug thing I've never been like a hardcore Drug guy so I don't know

What that is That's tweaking Is that what the kids say We play a lot of times interesting Speech patterns He just looks on his phone Was I videoing again Just so you know

He gave out his home address On this video We had the decency to block that out But he gives his street address Yeah It's not a good thing The internet is not a good thing But as much as we would still be struggling

If it wasn't the internet It's good for comedians For the most part you can still get in trouble But for people like that He just would have been muttering that around his house Or maybe out in his front yard to people walking Then he could deny it And he'd do that shit

And then they just show their phone Well that was the thing Back in the day it was your word Against theirs And you actually had to prove shit And now there's like video evidence And now it's gone past that now Where if it's just somebody gives a really good detailed story

People just go well I mean How could you make something like that up And that's become due process I feel like now too Aren't we moving towards an age where You remember when the Clippers owner got in trouble And he

They recorded his conversation That his mistress did and released it Don't you think we're I mean it might be past our lifetime If you don't think the police are gonna tap into that Hey Siri How many fucking teeth does an alligator have Those stupid fucking commercials they talk about

You're recording your entire fucking personal life That's what I'm saying Somebody's gonna And then they go Somebody hacks into that thing I'm saying that They will do their cut Of the film of your life

And they'll make you look however the fuck you want People are so fucked It's dumb to have this fucking thing laying around It's gonna happen sooner than we think Where your conversations Anything you said Someone will be able to pull that out At some point and be like this is what Bill said

But you know what the thing about All of that shit is Is you have to like This is a time to be fearless Yeah And I'm finding everybody is like So many people Agree on so many different things right now

That they are so afraid to talk about Because you don't want to get in trouble You don't want to bring it on to you I don't want to say anything You know you gotta like Where the all black tuxedo Where fighting for their freedom Anything about foreign policy

Anything about all these sexual harassment cases Anything about anything There is this one line of fucking Thought that you can have And if you don't have that 100% If you go a little bit out of the turn There's a little degree

Any of that shit out the fucking Well it's heightened in social media too Because there's always been these Nut bags that latch on To one thing you say They congregate online And they can become an angry mob And now corporations listen to these

Idiot angry mobs And like what you're saying with the sexual harassment stuff It's bad enough just being accused of it And now everything gets taken from you And there is no due process There is no like There's no degrees Hey this guy said something

Hey I had a bad date And then it's just all Out in the fucking woods And then like some of this shit Like I don't know like what is the end game It's like these people are they not allowed to To ever earn a living again Are they supposed to become homeless

I just I don't know But this is the thing Obviously that behavior is completely unacceptable And you shouldn't be doing it But the way that they're I just look at it this way It's like this shit was like a fucking pressure cooker

Because no one was listening It's fucking exploding now But any sort of like Okay okay let's Find out what happened There's none of that I've actually heard the argument That we shouldn't

Break down And explain the degrees And the differences of these accusations Like I've heard that I think that's because there needs to be a corrective first There needs to be a correction The pendulum like Bill said And everybody's so fucking angry

So now the pendulum's way here And now with the last thing with the Aziz story I think people are starting to go Well wait a minute maybe there's gray areas To this discussion it's not just There's gray areas with everything If you look at people who created Law who are way smarter than me

You know what I mean There's misdemeanors Of course there's felonies Murder one, murder two There's manslaughter And that's the thing with their anger Especially if they're emotional about it Don't even want to entertain

That conversation It's like you're trying to sell somebody Like hey arm robbery And shoplifting are different right And they're saying no somebody took Something that's the same Behead them in the public square I think you're being unreasonable

Because you're so emotional Which is a totally fair thing to say But everybody else who's kind of thinking I think is open to the idea that Of course there are greats The majority of the people are Because anytime I've said that on stage There's no like oh my god

Heckling shouting down There's no like fucking problems Same thing when you talk about the war There hasn't really been any problem But everybody is afraid to like It's not good To You know when it's this level

Of emotional reaction To just lay back And just be like just okay Just don't get involved Because it's gonna You know The thing about a sex thing Is if you just get accused of it

I've said for the longest time If you get accused of rape They shouldn't show your face or name Until you're convicted Because once somebody just gets accused Of it you're fucked And not to mention Your own like personal life you work

That's gonna get out And now social media everyone's gonna rat you out anyways And it's just like there's no Comeback from that And if you're actually innocent And I've seen people going like well The instances of that are really rare It's like look them up

There's enough of them that there should be Some sort of thing like that But I just don't think you can keep anything under a lid anymore But I really do believe that it's a time For like You know To not be afraid When you're on stage

Especially as a comedian They're just starting to like Paint It's just the weirdest thing Like when I was on stage I was joking with this younger crowd And usually when you get to my age It's like you kind of become like the cornball

Like hey take my wife please Your style becomes old But they are so under a microscope Like I was watching I was at a show last night There was a couple guys like my age We're like the edgy guys We should be the cornballs

Looking at the 20 something year olds In the crowd being like Jesus Christ These people are gonna be running the nation Oh my god remember back in our day We just did dick jokes What are these I'm not really saying the comedians I'm just saying the way the crowd

It's like you're doing a bunch of old people On a cruise ship Well you know it's interesting We had dinner with someone that has 25 year old children And he was saying how these kids Are so terrified now Because of the whole you know

Me too or the sexual harassment stuff They're so under a microscope like you said That every move is like Can I ask a girl off I don't know Like they're so fed Last night I was at the laugh factory And as I was walking out I was looking at my phone And there was a waitress in front of me

And like I just didn't see her And I bumped into like her backside Like her back all the way down I said oh fuck sorry about that And she goes yeah it's cool Oh thank god Dude I've been on On stage I've been doing this bit

About the degrees Of the sexual harassment things Like how they're basically it's a bit about that I did it in Phoenix, Honolulu I did it at the store We get it you're working the road people like you But then I did it

I did it at a fundraiser show Here Well anytime you do a fundraiser People are in this phony Sort of I have to pretend I care Yeah yeah and it goes beyond You obviously care because you're there

But there is the cause but then It seeps into everything else And then it becomes like Usually one line Usually like Gets rid of it or whatever You know what I mean if you just call Them on it then they can kind of like

Relax but My show It went pretty badly You weren't able to recover I was able to recover after More than a moment And there was a little bit of chaos in the room That's how

Yeah it was a totally You liked that it was like Fuel it was fun So I mean if you're steering into it I hadn't experienced that reaction Doing that bit In other words Sometimes you have bits where you're like

I know this is going to run into Like a huge pushback This wasn't that bit to me because I had done it That was my like I had done it in places And it was always like a bit that worked And then this was the first time where I was like Oh that's always funny we were like Ah this one's gonna get

Yeah It's gonna be one of these shows And like obviously everyone knows you've done a ton of specials Do you have In your catalogue A bit that you're like that's the one That infuriated people the most In other words

What got the most hate mail I don't read any of that shit None of it I've read it but it's just It's silly Silly If you're like one stood out I know that I don't mean it

In a delicious way Right So somebody on the internet Or whatever they watch it They have the right to take it like I said it seriously I mean if you want to do that But just because you think that I meant it seriously Doesn't mean I now meant it seriously

You don't control the fucking universe I like when they argue with you Like no I was just joking No I can tell you blah blah So it's like okay so you know what my intent And my thoughts are more than I do I'm just saying I'm a liar But it's just like it goes nowhere

And you make the day if you're right Back and forth and fortunately I've always been at this level In the business where I don't get Like Too many of those types of things But I also think that The stuff that I say

Isn't that crazy I'm not really super dark I'm just sort of I always said just the loud guy at the bar Who's just you know You think he's making sense and then you find out He flunked everything in high school And you're like oh this guy's just an idiot

That is a great description of you I don't mean the idiot part I mean the loud guy at the bar That you flunked everything Wait did you really flunk everything? Were you bad in school? I did really well in elementary school And then I did pretty good in junior high

And then when it mattered Like high school You know my favorite thing is about Like when I hang out with comics what I want to know the most I would love a 15 minute documentary On every comics Like a house Like I would love to see

Like a short doc on bills Is it Netflix doing that? 15 minute document They're just going to whittle the special down to absolutely nothing Comedians houses Wouldn't you love though to see like Bill's folks and siblings That would be the best

I want to hear a therapy version I want to watch mom and dad fight I want to see it all That creeps me out Really? Like I Like I felt like with that Aziz story Like I started to read

It's just like dude I don't want to know about his private This is none of my Fuckin business But just you doing that Just you doing that All you heard was one side of the story That's not how court works Oh I totally agree

If you just heard one side every fucking thing would be A conviction it would be compelling Everything would be compelling and it would totally fucking make sense It's when you hear the other person's side That's where the art is and then trying to sift through And look at somebody's And look at how somebody's like a motion Cause I ran into somebody

And they were talking about How they had some of that bullshit going on And they were like well that's just how it is And it was very laid back about it That's how I fucking live it So I was thinking like that's not a So I don't know what happened But if I was in the jury I'd be like

That's not the fucking reaction Even though he's saying I'm innocent I'm innocent I'm just sort of listening going like You know you sound like you're in a fucking yoga class Yeah he's like that's how it goes You know but I mean it's time we're living in You know kind of fucking It's just like okay

That's not how I would have fucking dealt with it I think about Louis CK and I love him so much I want like I feel like he should just be punished Like we should just shame him a little bit But not take away everything Right I mean doesn't that Feel fairly alright we'll shame him a bit

00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:56,000 Get him to knock it off I think that what's actually going to happen Is a version of what you're saying Cause the shaming has happened The punishment has happened And then it's just time So at a certain time it's not like Dude there's so many people that want to see him

And see what he has to say It'll be the best special ever like in five years I don't know how long but It'll definitely happen without a doubt Unless he's like I'm fucking done With all of this so Move to France They would definitely welcome him

They always do This is nonsense you jerked off everybody Yeah don't they think that what's happening now Is ridiculous that American women Catherine and Brigitte Bardot Are like these Americans Men flat this is how they flat Like they're totally like

Me too is nonsense They're so indoctrinated And they're women that are saying it It's probably somewhere in the middle Like the French get too much respect For like oh they can have Mr. Sizz And it's just sort of acceptable If you go over there like

In Paris or whatever There is a misery to that place So I mean That's true I don't think that there is like Because I used to look at that And I used to be like okay Are they just like honest

Are they just like In the future Or did they take like a wrong turn And I think it's a little bit of both Yeah they are in the future And they also took a wrong turn And I just think it all depends on how you're wired To like plug it in

So I don't know Those are my new points of view by the way Well I just make sure that I say like No because I'm so sick of people talking about Yeah absolutes I unfollowed a lot of people too On like Twitter like when the people who Go into Lenny Bruce mode

And all they can do is just tweet about Trump And be like so this happened And then they put the thing on there and it's just like Every fucking day Every fucking second and it's just like Okay and what's the solution I don't have any I'm just gonna show you all this negative shit

From this point of view Like it's like it's depressing It is it is depressing I used to Like indulging in news Fucking 24-7 From the election day Through the nagging rate and then like

Months and months and months at a certain point I think another like Steve Martin Comedian it's right right now for another just Steve Martin just Silly Silly but there was a brilliance behind What he was doing like that Silly stupid of course

Silly brilliant like this is a good moment For that because it's so fucking Heavy and I don't know And I love silly so I'm looking because I know it's not me so I'm looking forward to whoever the Fuck it's gonna be now you have a child Are you raising your child

Not at all gender pronoun not at all Not at all gender neutral you're doing gender neutral I just throw food into a room In the general direction are you raising Your child by the gender binary Are you calling her she Or is it Zim Zizz Zim Zay

I would never Do that to my kid Well I get into something right I always get into shit and then a year later I don't give a fuck about it this kid has like a Developing brain I'm gonna dump Like my Whatever my fucking

My own constitution of shit on like I just feel like that is like adult Stuff and you should allow Kids to be kids I just can they have a fucking Child because right now what I love about when I grew up Was I was allowed to be a kid yeah And like you know I didn't like this

Like the stuff that these fucking kids Could they could see any of the headings The hardcore horrible all of this shit That they could have access to So I would never have Like some sort of political agenda as to Way um but are you gonna force your Child to be recognized as female

Or are you gonna say like you get to choose Your gender later what do you mean Force my kid to be recognized as a girl No that's That's what I'm saying subjective now You didn't know that you're actually it's kind of A form of child abuse if you To have a gender just because

There's sexual organs are female I don't agree with that and good luck to how you want To raise your kid and I'm gonna raise my kid the way I want To Okay I mean um I feel like you're just Abuse Sweden is the most cool thinking country in the world Comes to questioning gender the gender

Neutral pronoun hen is now Commonly used by most Swedes This is Nico's room And how old is Nico Nico's two and a half and me here is Almost five and a half Can I ask you a question is there a Is there a shame to being called

A woman or a man or a boy or a girl Is it shameful somehow The idea is that You are gonna force your child To gender identify As female Just because her sexual organs are female My daughter is a girl

And if she wants to work on carburetors Or do some quote Guy shit I don't give a fuck We have to label it that way You're so binary Cause then once you have two kids If you have a boy and a girl You always have to say their names then

Just over and over and over again You can't just go Hen came in here and pissed on the floor Which hen What's wrong with that You gotta say like Colors I hope you're not forcing her To wear pink

I would appreciate if you stop saying her I'm sorry that they Yeah I mean here's the thing There's this big mystery People don't realize that sexual organs don't dictate Your gender that's just a sexual organ That's the point Bill

I don't know if you can wrap your fucking head around You know I must be a caveman You can do whatever you want to do As long as you're not hurting people I don't have a fucking problem with that We just would like you to open your mind To maybe letting your child decide What gender they are

I listen to you I don't agree with what you're saying And it's my kid and I'll raise her the way I want to Oh there it goes again I have Nia's number Hostile pronouns Family the sex you were born with Does not dictate your gender identity I agree with that

I absolutely 100% agree with that But I don't think a pronoun Dictates And I don't mean to be all male Dictates White privilege Which you are right in there White women saying white privilege to me

Is just because their lives are Slightly less awesome than mine Is so fucking annoying All those white I used to do a bit about that The white women crying when Hillary Clinton lost Like their lives are going to be that affected Like they still weren't going to be drinking their glass of rosé

Four in the afternoon Creeping up to 358 Do I have a problem? Yeah I gotta be honest with you Like I Since becoming a parent I'm still a rookie Obviously only a year in There's a lot of shit that other parents say

To me or stuff that they're doing That I observe it And I just fucking Yeah Because I I understand how much They love their kid

And I'm not going to go in and fuck with whatever Is that they're doing Which is why it's so crazy that these people Who've decided to do this Not that they've decided to do this hen thing Is that they're now going to fucking attack people who don't Right Which is where all that you're not liberal anymore

Right A fascist liberal That's what you are But this is the thing though They are a very Small portion Of the population who knows Where the pressure points are

And they go after advertising money And then everybody caves in and everybody has to Live off of money So everybody gets afraid like oh fuck If I don't start saying hen and if I don't start saying this Then I'm going to lose my job and we're going to become homeless We're going to live in our cars I just said this privilege

And these minority The very small group of people like you said These far far far Paper tiger and everybody's folding It's really interesting how They got to dictate the norms Now like these outliers Of society

Because people are choosing self-preservation Over logic The sky is falling And it's a fucking acorn on your head And I'm not saying that That all That hen shit is bullshit It's like

What they're trying to do is a good thing Their heart is in the right place But to then become Like this fucking fist That it's just beating on people Everyone else has to do If I'm cool with you doing it And I'm doing it my way

And I'm not forcing you to do it my way Then like Why can't you give me that same Common courtesy as an adult I guess they feel oppressed too Because I guess they feel like I've been having to do it your way For all this time

We should all do it my way now or something I don't know, I'm just trying to think of But it's like I didn't come up with the way And I never told you to do it your way But then it's also like That would just be like Somebody murdered my family So now I'm going to go out and start murdering other people's families

That'd be fun We use he For them Sometimes it's mixed And it depends, you know Because in Sweden we have hen The gender neutral pronoun in Swedish I think Mika has always said when I've asked

It's been she Or hen So the other thing is you could also do Changing pronouns If you wanted to do that with your child Like have let them I don't think I've ever given a shit less about a topic I didn't do it but you know

There's like certain things Certain things you come in and you're like There's a lot of stuff in education that blows my mind That people are talking about But I am open to everything Look this is the thing too If people go across the street Use hen or whatever the fuck they're going to say

And that's what they want me to do I'll do it when I'm addressing their kids But when I'm in my house I'm going to do what I want to do If you don't mind If you do have a problem with that You can be Sorry Fuck off

You want to come over for a barbecue Hey hens Would you have a barbecue with the hens If they weren't constantly Dumping their fucking agenda And then also like secretly Trying to put their agenda Into my kid like a fucking lunatay

You'd be flipping a burger And then they'd be talking about Parents of fucking psychos Raising your kid is like a vegetarian And shit People who eat meat The thing about humans The big flaw that we got

Is that a lot of times We want to win More than finding out what's right You just want to win So it can cause you To do shit like that And I've been guilty of it That's a hen from

Fucking Sweden Do you feel like you want to be right a lot? No, I want to win I would love to find out what all the right answers are Yeah, but you want to win I'll be arguing with my wife That I want to win But over the years as I've matured

I want to win for less time If I know I'm wrong You're right I've found I've found the garage door That the being right thing for me Is the urge Was strongest always with my mom

And that as I've gotten older Become a parent And just realize how How much energy it takes That I constantly Throw in the towel before it starts I don't even care about winning It's like self-preservation

That is a high level Of existing that I'm trying to get to I just like this I did real well over the Last couple of years Especially like, you know, holidays Or like big get-togethers Where when people start fucking

Doing their, oh my god, Hillary Clinton Oh my god, Trump, oh my god, the left Oh my god, the right, the fucking transgender people Whatever topic they're talking about And somebody is just going on like a rant And if they say something That I don't necessarily agree with I used to, I would just

Fucking go right like a mosh pit I would go right in the middle of it What I do is My default thing now is to myself I just go, oh boy, that's it And then I leave And I'm trying to go back to the old school rules It used to be

You didn't talk politics or religion At a social thing, it was considered rude Yeah, because it's going to cause fights And it was like one of those things And I've never Ever had a political or Religious argument with someone who didn't agree With me, where in the end we've been like

You know what, now I think the way you think All you do is blow out your voice Scream and yell And you get rage You're in a bad mood, you're going to get in your car You're going to drive like an asshole And it's just I save it for the stage

Now I'll just be like, this person said this I'll save my point to a crowd And then maybe I'll get heckled Like that'll be the worst argument I'll get But I just You know I don't have any answers, dude And I don't want to argue with people anymore

I can't I just do it to avoid the feeling Of how upset I'll know I'll get Oh boy Oh boy No, no, no, good point I see what you're saying Even when it's totally opposite

I know what you mean I don't want to fight with them Yeah, but people try to Put their agenda in Like you'd just be hanging out with your kids and stuff Isn't she cute with that little toy Phone that she has? If Trump passes this bill

Oh boy, here we go Are you Are you road-dogging it right now or no? I took January off because it was my daughter's birthday And I just wanted to The whole month, like the Salt and the Brunei Get her a Lambo No, I did

I made her a cake though That's my tradition, like every year I'm going to make her a cake So hopefully it'll make up for My outbursts Which I'm really going to try not to do Yeah I got a lot of work to do

So she won't eventually hate me someday Do you think about that? I think about that All the time, no, because I am a very hateable person If you live with me I have my good qualities It's weird, man If I could just stay in the energy that I am right now If I could just stay in this

During times of heightened emotion Yeah It's really my goal Because I think if I learned how to do that I would do Doing everything else Fine But that thing is so bad

It's like water damage It leaks into all areas of my life I could just get that under control Yeah, it's like What could she bitch about? I saw you in I got a job, I'm bringing in good money We're living a great life

You don't really have any wants Yeah, what's the problem? I cook, I like doing dishes Jesus You're the best I'm a maniac, dude I wake up, my motor's running I get shit done

But I snap Too much Is it really often Snapping? It's You know I want to say it's gotten better But she doesn't see much champion

Really? No, you know I got to work on it We know we ran into each other at that party a few weeks ago You remember that? No recollection Seriously? That was one of the things I left Man, you seem like you're in a really good mood That's what I was my thought about

You were like You just found out That you fucking sold the house or some shit Like you were just like You had such A happy demeanor I was like, jeez I don't get that review that often

So that's good I might even have to tell my wife that That party we went to, Tom Segora Said that I had a really nice energy I played drums with somebody the other day And she was on bass And she said, you got a good energy This is shit that I've never heard

I was like, wow That's what I took away from that party I think you seem much happier than The first time you did the show I'd say You were different You seem a lot happier than you were I don't want to bring you back to that

That actually breaks my heart Like the eggshells that you just said Because I don't want to be that guy Never wanted to be that guy I became that guy A little more introverted And a little more Distrustful

Back then, absolutely Had the guard up Where's it coming from? I was like the black dude Shaving my head I could see it over there in the trees That was a paranoid lunatic So what do you think

Lessened that I got out of conspiracy theory I stopped doing that because it was just Sane, and I was becoming that guy That you didn't want to talk to I stopped watching the news Because I just realized I can't solve any of these problems

Knowing that they exist makes me sad So I just watched sports And hang out with my kid And this is the thing I'm all about the movement But I'm not the leader of the movement If somebody wants to figure out How to clean up all that trash

In the Pacific Ocean I don't know how to do it But I'm not going to watch a documentary Looking at it and seeing all my toothbrushes From my entire life still floating out there Because they made out of plastic Like I need a new toothbrush right now And I can't get myself to fucking buy one

Because I'm like this thing is going to be In the ocean 200 years after I'm dead Broken down into little particles That a porpoise is going to breathe into Because God forbid I got a cavity So I'm fucking with this thing in the middle Of thousands of miles

Even in the same world as me Can I send you a quip? I don't know what a quip is So it's a new toothbrush You're looking at a prescription I feel like this is the end of a therapy session I'm going to send you a quip What is a quip?

It's a toothbrush Is it a good one? It's a fancy one You can throw it or try it out Is this how you handle your relationships I fucking hate my car I'm going to get you a car You've been with your lovely wife

For how long? How long have you guys been together? I don't know 14, 15 years It's a good run I love her more than ever She's the best It's refreshing I hate when people hate their spouses

I bitch about her on stage But you meant it You saw that bit and you meant it Don't yell at me You're going to put my head through the dresser Because I love you Now You're always looking for ways

To spice it up I'm wondering If that's what you're looking to do You will consider something different Hi, Melanie I'm Scadio With Ecstatic Hearts Tantra We just want to share

There are many ways to orgasm You don't actually have to be having sex You can't Orgasm Just from hugging You know what's funny If you switch their hair, they could be each other They look just like each other

The whole body Can be orgasm Especially when you stop Stop Everything can be a trigger for orgasm That's awesome Would you And your wife

Go to a cum-hugging seminar If we send you that No, because it would Just interfere with all the things I'm trying to succeed with A water bottle You just touch it with your fingertips Bring you to orgasm

That's amazing They found that It's weird when they have a baby They realize how soft it is They're too open It's right up against the baby I'm just loving it In a different way than you

What would you do if your wife came home We need to start getting into Tantric Stuff I booked a seminar I would say no, I'm not going to that If you want to read up on it Once you go to A public sex thing

With other couples The fortress You've left the gate open And some weirdo That's going to come Some fucking person that's into shit That I'm not into Is going to get in there

You think they're going to infiltrate your wife In your relationship You're not doing Something You open in Pandora's box That's a wise What if she were to get into other things Exploring her femininity

Isn't there a clip We could show him about The woman who was exploring her femininity You guys don't have to do the long setup We can just watch funny clips if you want to We wanted to see How I felt about it Or if your wife were to

Suddenly do something like this You have great glasses by the way Thanks, I just got them My vision is getting terrible You look good in those I tried on glasses, it's not a good thing No The first thing I thought of those real effect hits

Of course The second thought Is that the woman from the bangles That I had to crush her You know what she's doing right there though This woman She's coming with Finger paint

And I just want to share With all of you why I felt the need to share Me placing menstrual blood All over my face And what power it holds for us As women to fully own This part of self that we've been

Shaming for so many lifetimes So now the over correction She'll regret the video Yeah But she'll get away with it Because she's beautiful What kind of reaction do you think she would have gotten If she did black guys who want to

Fuck it for free We wouldn't have seen it Because there's so much of that That guy was just in a He flipped the script He might have actually been Reading from somebody else That might have been plagiarism

That's like we know that Maybe a brilliant fit but not a hacky thing When somebody like croons Psycho lyrics to a song Switching it up That's basically what that guy was doing In a sex way It's interesting you brought up her looks

Because we were saying a few episodes ago If this were not an attractive woman There would be a whole different reaction She might have created a new genre of porn A period on the player blood On her face If that woman was at the hugging seminar I might have been more open to it

I'm really sick of people like Regular looking people All the way to ugly people Trying to convince us That our standards of beauty Were somehow implied There's fucking beautiful people And it's special

And they should be naked And we shouldn't be It's most upsetting with children When there's ugly children And people keep saying So much I'm thinking more of adults I'm thinking of this movement

Oh boy I'm talking about where they're like The morbidly obese runway Modeling and you're like We're beautiful and you're like I don't think so If you're going to be in a movie You should be in

The best fucking shape you could possibly be Or You go the other way for the laugh But you're doing it for the laugh To sit there and just Show off an unworked out body And say that that's brave The bravity is the person

Who has to look at it Because listen We all look at each other's regular bodies When you're in a relationship Because you love the other person You have to love somebody That's what's amazing about beautiful people Is you're not in love with them

But you can see them naked That's really in shape Right, I mean I know No one wants to see me naked You know what I look like naked I have the exact same body as the pink panther It's just a big head And it's just straight down no ass

And then I have the pink panther It was like a first trimester But we live in an age though That if I was completely naked I would be called brave and courageous Rather than fucking rude And inconsiderate to make you guys look at me I mean I've been asked to be

Shirtless, I'm like it's disgusting Is it because it's funny Because if it's going to be funny That's one thing I would do it if Can I act like I think I'm good looking Then I would do it But if I'm going to do it like

This is my body, deal with it And literally put the pressure on you To not laugh at me And ridicule me Is I am living in such a world of fucking delugement I don't have any fucking pigment Just for me, no matter what shape I got into To take my shirt off

I would be blinding people But I have Other things that I'm good at You can bake I can bake That's it What do you make I can get errands done

I'm really good at that, I don't mind doing dishes He likes doing dishes Come do ours But don't you think, because beauty is a commodity You know, models, these chicks everyone makes fun of They might, who knows if they're intelligent Or not, but that's a special thing If you're born, remember in the 70s

If you were born and you had nice teeth And real big tits, not fakers This is before cosmetic surgery That was a really big deal You were in the HOV lane Yeah, that was special You know, now you can go to the surgeon And have whatever corrected

But back then beauty was a real commodity Like the lie of beauty So much Like the idea that we're going to act like These really beautiful people Are, you know, not special They are, that's your special gift I get in a debate with my wife

Because she goes, if people want to do that And make them feel better about themselves It's fine, which is a very enlightened Point of view I look at it as You quit, you gave in, it's weak What plastic surgery? Well, that's an extreme stupid opinion

But it's what I just Like a nose job or something I'm of the Belief Especially in this business To age naturally You're going to look way better Because trying to be 50

And looking like you're 25 You're just going to look weird You never look 25 But you kept yourself in shape And you look 43 The best that you can hope for But as you get older You know, and

It's like, you're going to You start to look fucking nuts No, but But you can play like a character Or something like that I love these people who are still like 50 You're going to be the next Brad Pitt It's like, what happened by now?

Just stop trying to be good looking And just be a fucking great actor You got to get on that thing What they're doing with looks Would be like if somebody who sucks at math Should now like design a plane And get into fucking aviation So everybody else has to crash and die

Because this person feels bad That they're not good at math Part of being successful Is not only figuring out what you're good at But figuring out what you suck at So you don't waste time at all I have not wasted one day of my life Trying to become a male model

Trying to go Like what a fucking treadmill That would be to be on I would love for you to start now Exactly where I was When I started What have you started now? I'll be great

But if I did that, it would just be If I was serious, it would just be unintentional comedy And then I would make it I'd ridicule That's true I look at somebody like Pamela Anderson At her heyday You were like wow

She would define the 90s And then as we all do We all get older To try to maintain the persona you had 20 years ago 30 years ago So regular looking people Like myself

If you actually resent good looking people Which I don't, I love them I didn't move them one time I would say who was, this person was so beautiful I never had this thought before Your arms were beautiful That's the level of genetics You were just sculpted

I can't remember my point Because I started thinking of her forearm Pamela Anderson The thing is All of those people I guess these people have issues with She's so beautiful The thing about it is

Is the expiration date And those people never age well Because everybody's look I love when people go did you see so and so What the fuck happened to her What happened to you What happened to you They're coming down to your level

And you weren't looking to begin with And you're 20 years older What happened to everybody Everybody looks older What you're saying is true Because we talk about that on the show The cosmetic surgery thing You just look so much worse

You can give it to both sides I've seen it more now Traveling stuff is like Guys that do it These men that Pull back Their foreheads don't move And they have a bad wig

And then they're older And they have just Blinding white teeth Because they make them Super white It looks like a spotlight From a stadium From their mouth

LED lights on the front of a Jeep And they They're like I look young You look out of your head And you know what they look like too After a while they start looking like raceless That's not a white dude anymore That's not Asian

Are you an alien Did you just fucking land here And you don't know what it is That guy from Cat House With the fake tan The lit up thing Something you do with your eyes You become like

I don't know what it is It's almost like animation The Simpsons look like they do They're live action animated people It stands out more Maybe because it's newer For men But when it's men

It looks even more feminine You look more feminine Coming up I can hype a date During the Irvine Improv On the 30th and 31st of January That was the first time I used to think that the real housewives

Of Orange County They picked some extreme people from down here I went down there and I did it I saw nine people that had Back when Bruce was Bruce The Bruce Jenner fucking eye jobs Walking around the mall And they all had those laminated faces

Looking at them They looked like they had hot wax on their face You don't look younger You just look like that face What you're talking about The pulled and the lips That are so smooth And the neck always gives you away

Of course You know what's weird though If you keep working out Your body can stay looking young But your head I don't know what the fuck it is It just gives it away That's the ring on the fucking shirt

Because it's outside your shirt The rest of your body is covered up This is just taking the weather Will you put up that picture of Dennis The guy from Cat House The Pimp I bet Gimps age great Gimps like when they're that whole

Zipped up fucking leather suit And they're under the floor It's like they're in a human wine cellar all day But Dennis is a great example He's got a white, white veneer Yeah He looks like shit If you get the super white veneer

Then you have to get the fake tan Then you got something Then you start wearing You know the guys who keep wearing tank tops Past a certain age It's like the only way that works Is if you're totally jack or you're fat fuck But if you just have those

Those old arms This is what he looked like Before he got them This is just regular teeth You just look like a regular A regular pervert Fucking sick Love that watch

And everybody who doesn't know This is the Bunny Ranch owner The famous Bunny Ranch owner Has the show What's it called Cat House Yeah, it was on HBO for years Was it already a show called Whore House It's Cat House bell

It's different Human trafficking house That was taken It's legal There's a lot of shows out there You run out of names It's like trying to name a stand up special That was the worst experience

The first two were easy for me to name Couldn't name the third one Sending in submissions What do you think of these six titles I didn't know what to say You've named them well Oh, thank you Walk your way

Here's his latest one Looks totally different Oh, yes he does Hold on I felt more I'm trying to find a That's a problem Bill Is that those red flags

I just find him so endearing Those are not Those are crazy Those are crazy teeth What you're supposed to do I worked in a dental office with my dad for a while What you're supposed to do is When you fix somebody

It's supposed to be subtle Not only did they whiten them up They obviously fixed that chip tooth What you'd want to do A little composite action there on number nine Sorry, it's all coming back They totally changed the alignment Of the teeth

You know when somebody's yard is so landscaped You're not supposed to walk on it You literally can't walk on the grass You can't have teeth like that I guess you can I have veneers, my two fronts They say they have to be Somewhat translucent

Light has to go through them When the people get them They look like chicklets When they're just white Bricks on your mouth That's when they look terrible You gotta get them like glass This is the craziest

He has exactly He had a little caprici salad Heavy on the mooch there The craziest one I saw it He looks better here with his natural teeth Danny Aiello Cause the teeth match the age of the face

So his is like Here's his normal What a great actor by the way But Come on, these new ones I mean They're nuts Here's the thing

They make veneers That will be nice But They'll have like normal Color But That's super white Is that maybe a porcelain?

He just went like a straight He's probably having his bathroom redone Left over material I don't want to make fun of this This guy's fucking great I'm not trying to make fun I'm just saying that the teeth replacement didn't go well I just think it's too white

When's the last time you went to the dentist? Last month I'm actually doing an Invisalign right now Good for you I never had braces I just lucked out that they came in pretty straight But as you get older Your jaw keeps growing

They took a 3D model To put my teeth He scared the shit out of me I was going to look like Mr. Ed It's like a bald redhead And having Freddie Mercury smile I can't have that It's 16 weeks of these things

I'm about 7 weeks in And then at the rest of your life At night you just wear a night guard Which is fine because I grind my teeth anyways Even when I sleep I stress I got to get this done Had your wisdom teeth removed? Yeah

I thought that would prevent that from happening But apparently not I just noticed down here they were getting more and more crooked It was funny I thought it was these The problem was behind Was pushing on them It's pretty amazing though

Every week you put a new one in on Wednesday So it fucking hurts you on Wednesday And they just move it incrementally It's nice considering At the age that I'm at Everything is slowly tapering off It's nice to have something going in Like a positive direction

Can you eat with them in Or do you have to take them out? You have to take them out and brush your teeth Because there's animals and I know It's just like if you do that for a week It's no longer in visible line It's like oh I saw what you had to eat For the rest of the whole week

It's like a retainer I had braces and retainers, it's similar You have a nice dentition is how it's said Let me see what you got going on over there That's not bad I've never had braces or anything But they could be wider You can't even see his bottom teeth

You could go somewhere between what you got and Danny's got Yeah You're supposed to see your bottom teeth when you smile But you never even see his bottom teeth When he talks, his bottom lip is so big I feel What is that? Lay off

I don't see yours when you talk Say something That's fine Now you're thinking about your mouth I'm going to steal a look I can see your bottom teeth That's because I got this fucking mouth guard in my mouth I'm also not a good looking person

We've established this What are you smiling right there? You can't see it? Well that's a silly smile That's not a deliberate That's a silly smile You grew up a wrestling fan? Yeah

There's like the Whatever The single A league of wrestling Guys that like wrestling And kind of do amateur style Open mic wrestling Open mic wrestling is the best way to describe it And you're speaking of speech patterns

So this was sent in as an interesting speech pattern This guy named Lou Jane I'm just going to throw it to you And I want you to give your opinions and your feelings Lou Jane said about you Listen up Lou Jane This freight train I've seen your video what you call on YouTube

About me and stuff That ain't going to happen to me on July 27 Listen up Your ugly short punt You ain't going to take this belt from me Lou Jane I'm going to show your old school That's what I represent You from the old school

This is the new school Lou Jane Is that the real life Cleveland? It sounds like it I would definitely watch this And I love this fucking Village people guy on the fucking left That's his promoter I actually could be a stunt double of him

You could be Not as worked out though He sounds like Forrest Gump He has such a specific Speech pattern Listen up Lou Jane I don't think he's putting it on That guy is a scary dude

Because his Tony didn't yell He was a big guy I think when the bell rings He might not hear it I think you're right What happened there? I just wanted to kill something beautiful What's that fight club moment?

I saw that movie once Of mice and men That's what it reminds me of Remember he loves them so much that he kills them all He's like I was hugging it Did you cry when you read it? You finally related to somebody? I got really emotional actually

I've never read it There's a few things I never saw Willy Wonka in the chocolate factory Till I was like 40 So then I finally just heard I couldn't believe how dark it was I just saw some kids movie And it teaches lessons too

My wife was like the other night She goes you want to go to the movies? You want to see Jumanji or Star Wars? And I was like no She goes why not? I was like what am I going to do? Oh my god we're trapped in a board game I'm 49 years old

I can't fucking watch that God bless everybody in it And that movie wasn't for me So that would be like You ugly short pond You ain't going to take this belt from me Lujan Couldn't even imitate the freight train I don't like to see in movie theaters

I hate seeing fucking bomber movies You want to see the movie about the guy Who's got cancer He's dying Life is bombing enough Don't make me fucking watch this for two hours They're white bummers White people love bomber movies

White people are like And then the baby had cancer Dude I couldn't act like that KC Affleck movie His performance was amazing I fucking had to get him to walk out Manchester by the sea Fuck I would never see that I didn't even have a kid at that point

I don't even want to know The screeners all came in Last year we got a stack We were like white bummer And then it was moonlight It was a black bummer Moonlight was like AIDS I don't want to watch any of these

You know what's funny I saw Moonlight I think it's called Moonlight Moonlight I know it's supposed to be Moonlight I saw that and I have no idea how it ends Really? I can never remember them I saw the usual suspects

I daydreamed In the middle of it It's like massive crazy ADD back then I lost focus So I didn't really pay attention So in the end it happened everyone was freaking out around It's just like I don't remember the movie

So I'll be able to go back and go see it again But what happened was it became such a legendary movie Yeah That everybody said oh my god the ending So I No no no I was never able to go back No as it was happening

So this was all I'm trying to ruin it for anybody I understood what happened but I wasn't on the ride Did you enjoy Moonlight If that's what it's called Yeah I did I really like that movie I like movies where I think

That's a natural reaction I either want it to be Totally over the top blowing everything up Or just an absurd comedy Or like Something that seems like this is really happening That shit that exists in the middle That passes itself off is like a real gritty movie

And it's just like People not holding guns right and shit like this Stuff like that that starts to annoy me after Yeah I like grounded I like grounded comedies where it's like It's not big studio comedy of like You know like In the nice guys

It's one of my favorite fucking movies Russell Crowe Love that movie I like those types of like dark comedies But then I just honestly the only thing I really want to see That I really go for are thrillers I love suspense

I love like a political thriller I love murder mystery all that stuff That's entertainment to me I hate horror films I just hate having the shit skate on it Cause I always take the ride on it Like everyone Blair Witch came out I did a set at the lab factory

And I went and I saw the midnight showing by myself And I walked into the parking garage by myself I mean I was waiting to see some dude Standing in the corner facing the wall Freaked you out That did the ring freak me out I was like Do you ever see that fucking one?

No I forget that And there's nothing to I will literally get angry If there's a horror movie and there's some kid Little kid in trouble Like I get mad at the movie Like what the fuck would I want to watch this We just started Dark

I can't watch it The series It's a German series It's a big hit I'm gonna watch a German horror movie No no no it's a series It's a monster shit on somebody It's like a stranger things

But German kind of But there's a kid that goes missing I can't watch it What was I gonna fucking say You know what we started watching Law and Order Special Victims Unit Why the fuck do I want to watch that How do we go from happy days to that

Special Victims Unit which is like These are the most egregious violent sexual crimes And it's a series It's like crazy You know what we started watching on Netflix Everyone's shit on and we're actually enjoying Is that movie Bright With Will Smith

Oh I want to see that We're half way through it I was expecting like a hate watch It's entertaining I never do that I think that's bad karma to watch something Anything artistic you're gonna watch it Cause it sucks

I don't do that cause I feel bad for the people Especially if it's a guy Who's had great movies And sometimes they just don't come together Right But you're a good guy man You love empathy I actually do as much of a cunt

As I am I actually you know This is my thing I don't like kicking somebody when they're down I don't but I'm sure you can go back In my act I'm sure I'm guilty of it I'm also a hypocrite though so there you go There you go call myself out on it before somebody else Bill Boros funny he said oh I got it

Irvine dates of course they're all sold out You can see him In the And Reno the Reno Ballroom Santa Barbara the Arlington Theater He's gonna do the Patricio Neil Benefit New York February 20th that's right Only a few tickets left you're gonna be in

Vancouver and We just added a show there Check it out try it out Can I do it would you rather with Bill Of course yeah let's do it Do you wanna get the movie the music Yeah I don't know Would you rather smile and only

Show your bottom teeth Or Have to get the worst boob job ever Oh the smile Clearly Master Okay okay ready here you go would you Rather this is just specific

For you I crafted this one just for You okay okay would you rather From now on you're known As the non-binary comedian Hen Bilber Hen right I love this already I feel like I need to reinvent myself at this point In my career so I like this so far

And you're kinda gonna do an Eddie Izzard thing Where you maybe you might wear like high heels And a skirt for the first half of your show And then you might gender flux In the middle of your set And then go back to being a man What does gender flux mean? Good question So gender is fluid

That wasn't condescending at all Gender's fluid it's It can change throughout the course Of an hour the day Hen could be she to start the show And he by the end of the show You could be astral gender You could be color gender

You could be dog gender And there might be intermission Which I think would be advisable Where you switch genders so like your first half Like she said is an address Can I pick the shoes can they have like The ones that don't hurt you back The one with the less sexier stiletto

That thick one big square one That's true okay So you're the non-binary Or the non-binary comedian Or The race comedian Where you do kind of what Don Rickles And Lisa Lampinelli were doing

So it's like Hey the Puerto Rican guy in the front And what's with the Jews Why don't you go clean a hotel room Can I do it as Like a Tony Clifton type character Or do I have to believe it The character it's not you're no longer Bill Burr

The race comedian Really so you can do all the material you want But your presentation will just be as Ten basically I probably have more female fans My fucking fan base is a sausage festival That's true So I maybe have that Prince vibe

He's androgynous so you'd go for that Do some of my jokes in falsetto Fuck yeah Learn a couple of languages He's in And not addressing it would be The fucking most It would be so brave

So courageous So woke Woke AF You know what I mean Jesus Okay so you're the non-binary comedian Very good Performing in Irvine

By the way they didn't mention I'm going to be wearing a dress Yes please Okay would you rather Everywhere you go You have to run To get there I don't even care what the next one is My back can't take it

It's literally like you go to the next room In your house to say something to your wife Exactly always running Never stretching just always running You always have to run to Irvine If someone knocks on your front door You have to run there You have to run on stage

Boom boom boom boom Or join ISIS Alright ISIS Let's get those fucking infidels Or every time you speak You're shouting So you're basically a toddler Full volume shouting

Will it hurt my voice to do it? Of course Neither of these are going to be fun But you have to go like the phoning Hello yeah You always say Everything in that range I found a loophole

I find a loophole I would just ignore people Oh So then I wouldn't have to talk to them I just wait until they say my name 10 times And I'd be like what So it made sense There's the loophole

Because you need your health You need your health and my body Would just hurt so much if I did that Your sweet wife who you love Be like Bill you gotta go yeah You think you can take our daughter to the park You're like yeah and then your sweet daughter Yeah but I could explain to her

I have an inflection It's going to come to my voice I love you more than life itself You're my best friend I got to go to the movies But you're going to have to do the purchase He can't whisper during the movie Yeah he can he can shout it

He's one of my favorite actors Yeah definitely I think the wife did it You get some more pop art That would be fun Once my wife was into it I would just be totally quiet They're having sex

You like that You feel so good It would wear on her I think the bit would wear on her After a while My mouth It's still not sexy This is terrible

But if you run everywhere You'd be in great shape And you can maintain your human relationships Yeah you wouldn't yell at anybody It's as simple as like you have to go pest in the middle of the night But I would be miserable Your body can't take that Yeah but you get used to it

What do you mean? You get in fantastic shape I would just like to love to see him walking in the bag If that's all you need to be in fantastic shape You don't get used to it Your body breaks down He goes into the bag Runs to the line You're next

He's going to make a deposit Run up to the TSA line I'll be fucking maced every time You have to start flying private They sprint sprinting through the airport We're running You're going to take shouting? It made me laugh

Yeah I would take shouting I wouldn't talk to people a lot Ignore everyone But you're acting, you're going to have to shout during your acting I would start writing books And I would live alone You couldn't do the audible version of the book though Sure

After a while I wouldn't have to talk to people But yeah Those are those hard ones Maybe I would choose running Neither one I think I'd kill myself Either one of those would lead me to suicide That's the point

Tom, what would you choose? Running or yelling? Yelling, look at him He's completely out of shape I'm not I run, I lift weights I swear to you I do You should feel bad about yourself

Phil, I've been doing it I'm shaming you You're husky It is husky In the 70's when they used to have that size Husky Husky jeans You'd be a husky when you were a boy

You're a thicky You're just a thicky, thick boy nation That's what I'm part of T-H-I-C-C T-H-I-C-C No, I would definitely Not take running I would yell at everybody

I would take running Maybe not pregnant, but If I weren't pregnant I'd just run everywhere, it'd be good for you I hate exercise This way I'd get it out of the way You'd be insane You'd feel a sense of urgency

They both make you feel insane You'd run into yoga class Then run out They'd be like, you're crazy, man But they'd also be crazy if you're like I'm ready to do it Feeling good You could hide having to run everywhere

More Bill, can you come here for a second? I'm busy I said come here for a second Not in a second Go to commercial These two people live together I like it

Wait, stop running everywhere I'll stop running if you stop shouting We can't, we played would you rather So we're stuck in this agreement That's the steak If you want to move in, you can You gotta fuck That guy's fascinating

I want to hear him talk about other shit though I know It's global warming I don't know if he's gonna come Is that it, Gene? That's all I got Bill, thanks a lot for coming over today Don't worry, we had a great time with you as always

I love what he says, nice shit You do? Just look at the psycho look on your face It's just fucking great to me Everything is psycho for me I didn't realize that BillBurr.com For your tickets

To all his people Fuck me Yeah You can listen to his wonderful podcast The Monday morning podcast You can watch F is for Family It's on Netflix, he has 13

Standup comedy specials And Hen has 13 Now you're on the program Now you're finally getting there Finally, geez Alright, so that's it Gene Anything else? That's it, go to the site, your mom's house, try it out

It's not that I'm cheap, it's this This is gonna exist in the ocean forever So I might as well fucking drink it There you go, try it out Alright, bye guys, thanks so much Bye, Gene Top and tail, we're gonna have a swinging time Get a grip upon the pole

I'm going downtown to the watering hole Gonna have ourselves a 69 69 69 69 Eat that scrum, eat that overjive Get a grip upon the pole I'm going downtown to the watering hole

Gonna have ourselves a 69