Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 442-Alison Rosen-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: April 4, 2018

Open defecation - we're into it. Unfortunately, it's not that popular in Los Angeles. Let's explore where it's still a thing AKA where people know how to party.  We thank YOU, the listener for sending in your Ball Hog vids and we talk to everyone's 'Best Friend' Alison Rosen about her new book, Tropical Attire Encouraged.  Pull your jeans all the way up for this one, unless you use a wash cloth in the shower (because you are poor). Thank you for supporting our sponsors:   ZipRecruiter.com/house Stamps.com code: MOM AdoreMe.com/Mom Dollar Shave Club: There's no reason not to join! Get yours at DollarShaveClub.com/MOM

Yeah, Gene, it's great to be back in the studio. It's been a while. This is a fun episode we recorded. I, um, let's see, I have a couple things to add. I will be in Atlanta. My first show sold out April 8th at Tabernacle. So I added a show on the 26th of April, also at the Tabernacle. I've been going back and forth doing this movie. So the 26th still has a few tickets. I added a show in Spokane, Washington and Sperm Can on Thursday the 17th. I just today added a show

May 31st in Charlotte, North Carolina, the Comedy Zone on Thursday. I added a show in Mamaha, Nebraska, Brea, Breastballs Beach, and New Orleans are also on sale with some tickets. Go to TomSugarra.com and click on the tour page and you can get tickets to any of those shows. What about you, Gene? Well, big shout out to everybody who came out in Portland, Oregon, by the way. We had four sold out shows. It was absolute bananas. And the, you know who the best fans are? Who's that? The mommies. Yeah, they are. If you listen to the show and you listen to the standup, it's like they're bananas. It was so fun. So thank you guys. Moving along, April 29th, Manfrendisco at Cobb's Comedy Club, one show. There's only a few tickets

left on that one. So if you want to come now's the time. Buy them May 4th. What should I call it? Cuntington Beach? That's pretty good. Yeah. Cuntington Beach, California at the Rec Room Comedy Club. And then May 9th, 2018. Coxhard. Is that it? Coxnard? Yeah. Oxford? That's another way of saying it. California. Yeah. Oxford Levity Live. Tickets at Christina P online.com. Not.net. Check it out. Try it out. Try it out. Is that it? Are we good? That's it. That's it for now, homie. Until 2019. All right. Thanks as always to everybody for getting gear. The most impressive thing has been the amount of people ordering the mugs. Oh, the mugs are outstanding. I hate everyone. And next stop, Brown Top. Brown Top.

And also the water champ hats. Of course. And there's a, there's one with Christina's likeness and there's one with mine. And they've been very popular. People are getting those. Well, mine's been very popular. I don't know what yours is. That's not true. Ask the fans. They all know I'm a water champ. I can actually just reference the sales report. That's rude. That's rude. People are getting the moose soup shirt and still popular. Glass and all that stuff. Very good. There's some new ones coming up too. So thanks to everybody for your support on all those. Here we are, Jean. We got a guest coming up. She'll be very fun. Now she's on her way. Alison Rosen's coming in. She's my new best friend. She's everybody's, she's my real life

best friend. I love her. What? I love Alison. She's great. Yeah. Now I'm very excited that she's joining us. It's been a long time since I've seen Alison. We had her on, my God, maybe back in the redondo days. Is that long ago? Yeah. Well, you know, we took a hiatus from guests. We had two years with no guests. It's quite a hiatus. That's pretty nutty, dude. I had some people come up to me back then and go. So I just, I guess I just, I'm not allowed on your show. You don't want to have me and I'm a, we haven't had someone in a couple of years and then they were like, okay. Yeah. Comedians are getting very offended and we're like, no, it's just, we don't have the space for years. And even now some people will be like,

hey, I tweeted you about doing your show. I'm like, what are you fucking 14? I know. Like, dude, send me a text or email me. I'm not booking you from a fucking tweet. Well, like, you know me in real life. I know. We have phone numbers asshole or email. Yeah. People are like, I DM'd you. I'm like, on what? I don't care. I'm not, I don't fucking look at my apps and look at those messages or I Facebooked you. So, so does every other lunatic. I know. So we're not looking at Facebook messages. Get your life. Yeah. I guess some people and also if you, if you have something to send to the show, don't fucking Facebook it. So people are like, oh, I sent you a link. You never played it. I'm like, where'd you send it? I sent it to you on Facebook. I'm like, dude,

I've said it a hundred times on the show. Send it to the Gmail. We don't go off of Facebook. No, I don't place stuff from tweets. It's just the email account. That's it. Your mom's podcast at Gmail. There's one central place for a fucking reason, man. Yeah. There's no house in the email address. Your mom's podcast at Gmail. Send it there. If you have a link, if you have an instrumental, if you have a song you made, that's where we, that's what we check. All the other shit. I don't, I don't check it. I don't fucks with LinkedIn. I don't fucks with LinkedIn. No way. Not happening. Oh my God. I just, I feel like I'm still burping up a barbecue. Oh, let's tell them the story. Oh my fuck. Yeah. Here's the, uh, I wasn't ready to die. All right. Here we go. Here's

the opener. No, so this one almost fucked that up. All right. Okay. Okay. All right. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. So there's a trend line here, which means that richer countries tend to have, uh, lower rates of open defecation than poorer countries do, but India is really far from that trend line. India is an outlier. This shit is big time. Don't bring anyone loving to this. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura. Christina Pajitse. Welcome to your mom's house.

That looks different. Oh, it's not centered. What's going on? You want me to center it, Harlan? Yeah, that looks really weird. All right. I think so. Right? Yeah. That looks funny to me. I don't know. We can never get these fucking things locked off, right? Is it working? Yeah. No, I know, but I'm saying week after the next week it'll be like, I know we need to get these cameras mounted on the walls. That's blue band. That's your next project, dude. We talked about it. Yeah, we've discussed it. I think this might be my favorite intro clip of all time because you were going to love it. Well, it incorporates some of my favorite elements.

There's the intelligence of the TEDx talk, the seriousness with which she's talking about it. Yeah. And then shitting in public. A listener brought this up. So, oh my God. Jean, I was listening to episode 437 and you two Zers talked about India. I remembered a YouTube whole I fell into last week. There's a TED talk about the awareness of shitting in public in India. Of course, I had to watch and thought you two would enjoy. Love the Palmcast constantly laugh out loud and get strange looks at home from the wife, Ben. Ben. Ben. Yeah, because we were talking about public defecation. That's a really big problem in India. Did you ever talk about that when you stepped in? Is that how this came up? Well, no, not about when he came to the States,

he didn't know that you could sit down on Western toilets. He thought you stood on them, right? Yeah. So he would be squatting and his roommate walked in on him once and was like, what are you doing, bro? And he didn't know that you could just sit directly down. But no, he wasn't, he didn't shit in public or anything. No, but I remember we, I remember we were talking about public shitting. Yeah. It's a problem in India. It really is because they, they're trying to curb it right now and people are upset about it apparently. They don't, oh, they don't want to be able, they don't want to be told not to do that. Yeah. Like, I mean, imagine you're used to it and then someone's like, you can't, it's like a toddler. Like you can't do it anymore.

Well, yeah, because it's, it's great that anytime you have the urge to shit, you would just drop Trow and just go, yeah. It's crazy. It's crazy. Yeah. It's crazy. Like, aren't you, I mean, it's directly related to poverty. So I don't know if it's, you know, the funniest thing we've ever talked about. It is for me. I don't know why. Man, that makes me laugh. I've seen a guy shit in an alley. We were, we were thinking about living. I saw a guy shit downtown LA. That's what I'm just going to talk about. It's the time we were looking at lofts. We were considering. Is this the same guy? Yeah, man. Black guy. Yes. And the alley, remember, and he was, he was standing, he was barely squatting. That was, that's what I remember most about. Me too. Me too. No, he would just,

he was bent at the waist. Like he was, like he was leaning over a leg to try to see something, you know, like someone was like, look down there and you just leaned. That's how he was shitting. Yes. I remember him vividly. It's so funny. You have the same memory of that. I think he had mental problems though. No, I think so. Oh, stop it. I would guess. You don't, wait, you don't think he was like a banker or a lawyer? No, I don't think so. I think it was also because he was barefoot that gave that away. I mean, maybe it was Saturday. I just don't know. It was his day off. And it, if you don't recall the weather that day, it was a hot, hot day, summer day in downtown. We almost moved it downtown. How nasty would that have been?

It's, it's popping right now. That's where it's at, but it's not our lifestyle. Now, cause we like the country club and suburbia. Yeah. That's urban living men. Could you imagine? Well, here's the problem with downtown LA. Is there like, well, okay, the rent is like five grand. It's crazy expensive. Oh, did you want to park? Okay. That's another thousand dollars. And that's five blocks from here. And then you got to walk in the middle of the night. They're literally, they've priced people out of town. You guys don't know if, if you don't know LA well, but they used to be such an undesirable place to live and not even a long time ago. It's a wasteland. Yeah. I mean, we're talking in the last decade,

downtown has completely changed. It literally was a place where they just pushed all the homeless into those igloo houses. It was just a place for homeless people and crackheads. All the homeless were most, you would see them the most in the toy district, which was, I always thought was so ironic, you know, the terrifying toys for little kids. And you see like guys walk and make it across the street. It's still, it's still, and that's the thing is that it's not a hundred percent cleaned up. So you'll go to the toy district. Once that sun goes down, all the zombies come out and it is terrifying. But Southwest downtown is really nice. Yes. Restaurants and art galleries and it's very hopping. It's very nice. And if you're young

and you're cool, like that's the place to be. It's the place to be. But you don't want your fucking kid looking at guys taking shits. Maybe you do. Maybe you want to do it. Yeah. So it's a real issue here, you know? Yes, it is. And in fact, many households in rural India don't prioritize having a latrine. So let's compare India to some other countries in the world. On the vertical axis of this graph, we have the rate of open defecation in the country. I mean, this is an actual talk. Yeah. That's the crazy. I know. This is like you're serious. You can tell she's a valedictorian too. She's smart as she is. She's such a high strong performer. She's so smart. You know, I know this girl's smarter than both of us put together. Oh, yeah,

yeah, for sure. And that's what she's spending her time on. So there's a trend line here, which means that richer countries tend to have lower rates of open defecations in poorer countries too. But India is really far from that trend line. India is an outlier. Outlier. I've never heard outlier use for that. Neither in that way. For taking shits in public? No. Usually it's for exceptional people and things. But maybe this is her. What if the talk here turns and she goes, and that's what I want to address. Nobody shits like we do. And she drops her pants and she takes a shit on stage. She's like, my family comes from a line of high, strong performing public defecators. A lot of shit. She's represent. She's represent. Of the 55 countries that are poorer than India on

this graph, 46 of them have a lower rate of open defecations. I just love open defecations. I know I've never even heard open defecations. Neither have I. It's like equine diarrhea. It's one of those catchy phrases. Equine diarrhea. Open defecation. Equine diarrhea. Equine diarrhea. Equine diarrhea. Equine diarrhea. Open defecation. Oh, man, I've never heard those two words put together. Open defecation. Open defecation. So many good ones. Man, have you ever shit outside? Stanema. I've never shit outside. Not once in my whole life. No, I don't think I have. Not once. Not once. I've peed outside a bunch, but never. I haven't even really shit my pants lately in a long time. Although I got to say yesterday could have happened. Goddamn. We were lounging and we were

about to order. It was like around lunchtime. We're like, let's get some lunch. What should we get? And you know, you said, I really feel like getting some Thai food and I just go, okay. I wanted flavors and I go, I'm down for it. Let's do it. Thai food. And you say the place that you like, the quality spot is closed. They're not, they're not open. So then all the other places, all the other places give you open defecation. Yeah. You said open defecation was coming if we had ordered. So I was like, we can order from somewhere else. You're like, no, they're dirty. Cause there's some nasty places around here. Like you don't want to even know about. Yeah. So, so then the next move was I go, all right, what do I want? And I was like, I want

something. I want meat. I've had a steak, you know, the night before and probably two nights. I just want something different. I was like, oh, let's do some barbecue. And I bring up. Steak and barbecue are different. They're very different. So I bring up one spot and you're like, nah, that place is open defecation. So then we settle on another place and I'm doing it through I'm doing it through the app. And I gotta watch the rest of the talk. Where did this go? I'm going through the app and I'm just kind of, you know, I'm tired. I just kind of, I'm not really paying attention. Like it's like, what do you want? And you're like ribs, cool. Full rack. Yeah. Another one. Yeah. Of course. Full rack. Yes. And then I'm just hitting yes to

like the sides and just, you know, I do the whole order in 20 seconds. That guy drops it off at the house. I'm like, it's a lot. This is heavy. Like big bags. And they always peek in to see how many other people are in the house. Is the party in the back room or something. So I start unloading the bag on the table and you're like, whoa, this really is. Well, because you're pulling out like these metal, you know, bins with like, you know, like, like picnic style where people are like ripping lids off and it's like an 11 by 18. You're like, what is this shit? It's a lot. It's a lot. What did we do? So we start unloading it. It's way too much food. I mean, it is way too much food. So much. Well, we ordered, okay, a half slab

of their onion rings. Yeah. Half order. It was a bin. Enormous. I'm like, dude, nobody can eat all this. Then you got baby back ribs and the beef ribs. They look like dinosaur ribs. They were so enormous. Yeah. And they had candied finish on them. Like it sounds good, but then I want to vomit. Like I know it's too rich. It was just overwhelming. Yeah. And it was also, I think it was good, but it was too sweet. Yeah. And I burped it up until like 10 o'clock last night. And here's the thing. We took shits. Yeah. The shits smelled like barbecue. Yeah. The burps, every bar, burps. I peed last night and my pee smelled like barbecue. How is that possible? I don't know. It infiltrated every orifice and system in my body. Well, because I took a doubt.

I took two shits this morning and I went in after you took your dump and it smelled like barbecue. My piss smelled like barbecue last night. That's so crazy. And then we had dick tips. See, this is the thing. You order these things called burnt ends and then I'm like, well, what are they the ends of? They're dick tips. What they do is they, they, because they use a whole cow or hog when they make this and they saute the dicks and cut off the tips and they make burnt ends. That's what a dick is. It's like, yeah. Like what's that in the Funny Farm movie when he's eating the cow balls, lamb fries? Yeah. And they call them like Rocky Mountain oysters or something. Rocky Mountain oysters. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. These are just

dick tips. Just the tips and they're nice and burnt. Really good. Yeah. Oh my God. It's like a piece of bacon. Oh my God. And the onion rings and then the fucking corn on the top. Yeah. It was too much. Well, anyways, we had fucking so many leftovers. Tried to offer them up to people and I was trying to give them to neighbors and they were like, no thanks. No thanks. Yeah. You know, we haven't gone out like that in a while. I tell you what, I've been reigning it in this second trimester. I haven't, I haven't really blown it up. Yeah. With my eating and that was it. We just went, we went crazy. I went for a walk after that. Yeah. After that meal. Just like, I felt like my body, I owed it to myself. I went for a laydown. I had

to lay down the rest of the day. I was so fucked up. Yeah. It was pretty wild. No, no good. No good. No good. There's some meals like that where you go. I'm going to have that. I had that and I'm good now for months. I don't want that. I can't. I know. I could not even eat last night and then this morning I didn't want to eat and like, I'm pregnant. I have to eat. Like I was light, excuse me, lightheaded this morning because I'm like, I physically don't want to eat anymore. Yeah. What I have to. Anyways, so you and I also, we don't normally watch these, you know, Oscar movies. I think you and I are kind of the outliers of the, that world where we don't give, I don't, I generally don't give a shit. I don't care what wins awards. I don't want to see bummer. We don't like white

bummer. We don't like white bummers, cancer. The guy with one leg and I don't fucking care. And then she still loves him anyway. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it. But we watched the shape of water. Now you are away shooting your, your movie. I watched it on the flight to shoot the very first flight there. Okay. Because I have, the way that the movie is set up is it's a drop. I'm on a drop pickup schedule. It's called where they, I shoot for a week and then I have a few days off, then I go back and I shoot and then I have a few days off. So it's back and forth. To reload your loads. Right. For the scenes. So because they literally take every ounce out of me, right? So anyways, I have time off. So, but back and forth. So anyways,

on my flight there, Octavia Spencer, who's in shape of water is in this movie. She is. I didn't know that. Yeah. Yeah. I met her the other day. You're kidding. I didn't, she's fantastic. She's, you know, I heard a story about her in my acting class that she was one of those people that didn't hit it until much later and she got turned down for Grey's Anatomy and was like beside herself. Like she was one of the final people and casting to make it. It's between her and this other chick and she didn't get it and she was like depressed for a year. Well, what do you know? The help comes around that movie and because she didn't do Grey's Anatomy, guess what? She's free to do the help. And now, so it's like one of those wonderful stories in Showbiz. I made a joke after I met her

to the producers of the film because they were sitting like a little video village and they laughed a little too hard. I was like, I go, oh, I was talking to Octavia. She asked me if she could come by later for like some acting tips and they were like laughing on there like, can you imagine you teaching her how to act? I was like, they're like, they're like wiping their eyes. I was like, all right. I'm like, come on, clown. I was like, okay, go deliver your funny parts. She was very sweet though, very sweet. But in that movie, the guy Michael Shannon plays Richard. Oh my God. In the shape of water. Now, what else has he been in so people who haven't seen it? Michael Shannon. He's got, he's one of those guys that you recognize immediately,

but I don't know. That guy, he's such a good deadpan. He's such a good miserable dick. Like he's a great actor. Oh, he's not. He's so fantastic. He's got a great face. He looks like he eats rocks. Yeah, this guy. Oh, I just love him. He was, um, let's see. Oh, he did at home with Amy Sideris. How funny. I love that show too. It's so silly. Yeah, it looks like he does 10 years a year. He's everything. You know, the guy at Boardwalk Empire. I remember him, he played that, uh, that killer, um, the ice man, Richard Kiklinski. He played that. Okay. There's that movie, the ice man. See? Yeah, Mary, that's Tom's favorite. I remember that one. Mud. That's the movie we named our son after. Yeah. He's somebody you've seen a hundred times.

Hey, he's always the creeper. Yeah. He's a good creeper. God damn. He's got a real, he's got a real serious creeper look to him. Like his eyes look like, you know, yeah, that he looks like he's, he means fucking. That guy's gonna, that guy's gonna fucking rape you. Yeah. Yeah. He's a very serious actor. So you're watching the shape of water. I actually wanted to see it because I saw a trailer for it and I, and I like that Guillermo. What's his name? Del Toro. I like, I like Latin filmmakers. I like whatever. He's a great director. Yeah. So I wanted to see it and I knew you watched it and I was bummed that you'd watched it. So sometimes we watch movies when you're away. We watch them together and then we'll kind of

recap together. It's like we watch together kind of thing. Yeah. Now Richard is the character he plays and I want to give away too much. Yeah. Yeah. But at our estimation, this guy is the comedic relief of the whole movie. Absolutely. By far the funniest guy in the movie is Richard Michael. Holy shit. He has the best lines. Funniest guy. And then I was watching the movie and I was, I was definitely laughing. Again, I'm on the flight watching it and I'm laughing at some of the stuff, but then there's a part in the movie where, so I call you, I tell you, I saw the movie. I tell you, it's a good movie and I go, I lost my shit. Like I really laughed hysteric. Like remember last week or, or a few weeks ago when, when a blue band made me laugh so

hard with labeling the file. The long infection file. Yeah. Which by the way, sidebar, my favorite titles for ever clips have been guy uses long infection as instrument and homeless man gets raped by gay ghost. Yes. Go ahead. I had to say before I forgot it. Yeah. But so go. So I'm sitting there laughing so hard and I tell you this and you go, Oh, I'm going to watch it and I bet you, I can guess. Yeah. What is the, uh, what you laughed at? And I was like, Oh, this is a great game. This is by the way, that's homeless man raped by gay ghost. Of course. Of course. One of the original, uh, we should play this for Dr. Drew when he comes home. See what he thinks is going on there and put that on the list for Dr. Drew. Um, anyway, and then it was so fun because I would

wake up and I would be, I was, you know, to, to shoot a movie, you get up, you fucking call times like seven 30 in the morning to be there. And then that means the crew's there at four. Oh, it's crazy. It is long hours, but it's been, I've had the best time on this, but the fun thing is I would wake up and cause we're three hours apart. I would wake up and you, and it'd be all your guesses. You'd be like, I would, so I'd wake up, I'd check my phone and you'd be like, it was at this or that. And then you'd be sleeping. So I'd write back like great guest. I did laugh at that, but that's not the moment. And then I'd get off of the work and you'd have new guesses in there. It was a fun game. It was fun because I feel like every time Richard opens his mouth, it could

have been a moment because it takes place in the sixties. So it's very inappropriate. It's very sex. It's very racist time. And that's the best part is that Richard is like totally indicative of that era. Oh, he's a piece of shit. He's a pure and it makes me laugh. I love that stuff. That makes me laugh so hard. The inappropriateness of that character. And he had so many great moments and I, I'm not going to give away too much, but it definitely was an ultra violent part. And I didn't, I was off by a moment. Like I feel like, You're right. And the moment that you cited was like funny. Did it, did you giggle? I feel like the moment that you, that you thought it was actually made

me go like, like that. Oh, that's okay. Like, oh my God. Oh, okay. And then like a hint of, of joy, but in an, oh my God way, you know, right? Yeah. Like, oh shit. But the part that actually what I told you made me laugh, fuck that I laugh so hard. And of course what made me laugh the hardest was a, the act of what I was witnessing and like that it was happening, but also the other actors in the scene being there. Same as like that Henry thing. It's, it's wasn't so much that he did it. It's that the other actor, the other people are there going like, holy shit. So just for the people that have seen this movie, I know how annoying this conversation is to not clue you in. So I won't give anything

away. I'll say the scene that I thought it was, Tom would find the funniest, let's just say there's a gunshot in an extraordinary place. And the way Richard handles it, handles the man literally bananas. So I thought for sure that was number one. There's a part where he gets romantic with his wife. That didn't make me laugh too. That's definitely on the list. Yeah. That was, that was very funny when he was, when he made love to his wife. Hilarious. Yes. But the moment that won that I wasn't aware of is it has to do with his fingers. Yeah. Which is a constant theme of which is a constant theme, but uh, their demise or how that, how way, how they, uh, how that storyline kind of finishes, let's put it there. Yeah. Yeah. Now when I told you,

what did you think? Did you go back to remembering that scene? I did. And I, and I thought like, that makes sense because A, it's really inappropriate. Yeah. B, it's extremely painful and vulgar. Yeah. And you're enough of a derelict, a degenerate to find that funny that moment. Cause that moment by definition for me wasn't, it wasn't funny. What, what were you going through during that scene? That one was more like, oh, that was an interesting choice for him. Like I literally, I didn't get grossed out was like, cause like it's, I knew that was going to happen eventually. Cause that's the kind of guy he is. And I was like, that would suck to pick, to clean up is what my thought was for her,

for Octavia Spencer being like, oh dude, she's going to clean that up. This poor woman cleans for a living and now she's got to clean this fucking thing. You know? Yeah. But I didn't, I didn't think that that was the funniest. No, no. Yeah. So, you know, you think, you know, you're a spouse and then. Yeah. Very funny. Oh, Jesus. Everything okay? Yeah. I just got to check on stuff here. Make sure everything's okay. Well, some other interesting things going on. You mentioned to me that you have some changes in your own family dynamic. You know, I would, I don't know, man. I got it. I got it. I just wonder sometimes like, am I related to anybody who's remotely fucking functional and normal? Like what do you think?

You know, you know all my relatives. Is there anybody that is just a fucking normal? And I know people, what is normal? Okay. Here's what is normal. No personality disorder. No alcoholism or drug addiction. No severe depression that cripples you or prevents you from doing things in life. Yeah. Functioning. You know what I'm saying? That's what I'm saying. Okay. Yeah. So, let's do that. So, I haven't talked to my father in a while for various reasons I won't go into, but let's just say, you know, we're not, we're not speaking right now. But so I heard through the grapevine through my cousin that celebration, a celebration is in order that I apparently have a new stepmom. Really? Yeah. You sent me this image. Is this right?

That's, I think she's a little older than what I'm talking about. Okay. So, apparently my dad married a Vietnamese woman. He met online and she's 34. There's my new mom, guys. Don't you dare make fun of my new mom. Yeah, don't. That's not cool. Right. So, and we've been watching Aged Gap Love and it turns out I have a real Aged Gap Love in my life. You do. Aged Gap Love is fantastic. Right. I'm so hooked on that show. I've never been so into a show. It's on Netflix and it basically just features people from all over the world, which is also one of my favorite parts of it. It's not just in one area. There's a lot in the UK, but they're also, they go through other parts of Europe here in the United States.

They've been just featuring all these different couples, men and women, where sometimes the man is much older than the woman, sometimes vice versa, which is even more interesting, I think, when you see the older woman and the younger. And then yesterday, that episode featured an older woman who's married for the ninth time, ninth. That part's not okay. Ninth time and she married a guy, her ninth marriage, definitely has some developmental problems. Oh, he's touched. Yeah. I mean, he was mouth breathing. It was weird. It was very weird. But what do you think's happening in like my dad's situation? Like she's 34. I don't know anything about it. I don't know anything about it, but I'm just saying like, I mean, it, it sounds like true love is all I'm

saying. Like you come from a poverty stricken place and you meet like a nice 71 year old guy. I'm sure it's just, yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah. I know what you mean. It's very exciting. There's a voicemail that she left you. Could you imagine we have to have her over for like Thanksgiving? Oh my God. It's a good thing we're not speaking right now because I can't handle that shit. What just the language? The language and then having to pretend like it's normal. Oh, that they got married and everything. Like, oh, my mom is my new mom. Yeah. My third mom is like younger than me. And what? Yeah, it's fucking crazy. It is weird. But I don't know anything that's going on. I mean, I don't know. It's, it's, uh, it's curious to say the least. I know, I knew

he liked to party online and meet people. He's very social. Sure. He would take a lot of trips. What if she's like, you want to fuck with Ming Ming? Could be. I'll be like, damn, you're that girl? What if that was her? That could be exciting. If she was that chick? Yeah, she's like, yeah, you got to get a job. I don't know what's up with my parents and like the remarriage to the, like the third world honeys. They bought my mother liked Indian guys and then my dad's marrying open defecation too. God, your, uh, your pops had a girl for a while. I thought the marriage would have been to her. I know you. It's always a wildcard with my family. Just when you think they're going to do the normal

thing. Nope. Change leads. Are you going to check in to find out what's going on? No, you know why, you know, I had to put down a boundary and I have to hold. I have to maintain. Yeah. I think it's only right, but you know, I, uh, good luck and, uh, wow, what an interesting turn of events. It's a nice way of putting it. Yeah. That is something. Do you think that Vietnam Do you think Vietnam is an open defecation country? I mean, in some, in rural parts, yes, but I think in, in, you know, in the big cities, no, I don't think so. Yeah. It's, it's, you know, they, they, they got their shit going on. Do you think he really rubs her? She really rubs him. What?

What? Jesus. What? I think, what? Don't make fun of my mom's accent. That's how my mommy talks. Guys, I have a new Vietnamese mom and I'm, Kim, that's way too old. Yeah. That would never work. Imagine what she could put on your dad though with her experience. Kim, that would be a match made in heaven. Yeah. Oh my God. What if she's like, you better respect me. I'm your mother. What? Okay. Okay. I'm older than you. What's your respect on my name? Yeah. Yeah. Geez. What would you do if your dad, uh, your mom dies and like that's, that's your replacement mom, your new mom. I don't know. I can't wrap my head around it. It's so different. I mean, because of their different lives and saying my, my parents and yours.

Yeah. It's always weird when your stepmom's like the younger, younger model and you're like, that's a creep. It's so weird. Well, yeah, because everyone's natural thought when this would be like, oh, like you're just trying to get something from. No. Yeah. No. That's the, that's the thought. Tom, wait a minute. Don't you believe in love? I love love. How dare you? I believe in love. I can't, I can't believe you'd intimate such a thing. Yeah, I know. No, it's all, it's all, it's all on the up and up. Yeah. Happy Thanksgiving. Babe. What? What are you doing? Don't make, I can make, she's my mom. I can make fun of her. You can make fun of your mom. That's true. She's my mom. Asshole. She gave birth to me.

This is my third mom. Yeah. It's true. Oh my gosh. So crazy. Yeah. Well, we'll see how it goes. You know, third time's a charm, right? Could be. When, when I die, who are you going to marry? This is an interesting one. We've had this talk a bunch. Yeah. I don't know. You're, you seem to be like, sometimes we'll go down like a jokey path and then you're like, Oh, it's got to be a comic. You got to be ready to a comic, I'm sure. Well, because I think you'd be bored with a regular civilian who's normal. I don't know. Or just someone that doesn't have a warp sense of reality. Yeah. I think you get bored real quick. I would get bored if somebody didn't have a depraved kind of sense of humor. That's what

I, yeah. Or at least, at least would not, um, willing to play ball with mine. Yeah. Like a, last night on age gap love, there's one that was a total four corners. Like she's 50 years old and she was such a fun. Like no fun. Yeah. Yeah. I couldn't be married to that. You're right. No. You died. I don't know. I could do a comic again because just because you're the only one that makes me laugh really. Oh, come on. Somebody else can make you laugh. No, not like you. Like we know each other so well. And you know, you have to get used to another person's smells and another person's whole thing. It'd be such an effort to get remarried, don't you think? Yes. Yes. Didn't you ask for a text? Yeah, this might be the groceries though. Okay. Let me stop.

All right. We took our little break. We're back. Oh, and I'm so excited because the fan of fabulous, I was going to say fantastic and I wanted to say fabulous. You stepped on it. My fat, fabulous. Well, okay then. Alison Rosen's here. Yay. Thank you so much for having me. I love being here. I love you guys. You, Christina, have given me so much advice in my life. No, it's all been good. It's been, I feel like when you and I met, we had a sort of like peer-to-peer relationship and then somehow it's turned into me just reaching out when I have like looked at Instagram too much and I feel terrible and then you give me perspective. No, are you kidding me? You're an inspiration to me and you've written a book, which is crazy. What's the book? It's

called Tropical Attire Encouraged and Other Phrases That Scare Me and it's a collection of essays and my husband did the illustrations inside and Tropical Attire Encouraged. I was invited to a party, a bunch of skinny blonde women invited me to a party and the invite said Tropical Attire Encouraged. I didn't go because I didn't have tiki clothing. And that's what pulled you out of it, just the, that phrase being. Just that phrase, yeah. Because I'm like, I can't go, I can't wear a sweater and jeans, even though I want to. Right. So I'm just going to write about it. It's so true though that something like that can just turn you off from doing something. But who are the people who see that and they're like, yes. There's a lot of them. I know. That's kind of what that, that

particular essay is about. Just like, who are the people who are looking for another opportunity to peel it all off? Tell me about, how did it, how did the idea of, did that lead to you get, like, saying I want to write a book? Well, no. So I had a syndicated column. It's actually a fun backstory to this book. I had a syndicated column and my husband took all the columns from the first year I was syndicated. He's very, very creative and like, he'll decide he wants to make something and then he'll look up how to do it online. And he presented me for my birthday that year with a handbound book that he made himself and he had illustrated each column and he did it because I have been wanting to do a book for a long time. And I think he did it to show me, look,

you've already written a book and also to show me up in terms of giving gifts because I am terrible at giving gifts. He's really good. And I feel like that year he's like, I finally won. Yeah. Well, if you already know Alison Rosen, she has a wildly successful podcast called Alison Rosen is your new best friend. She's been at your mom's house. How many times have you been on our show? Like just once, just once. But I was on That's Deep, bro. Yeah. He's been on That's Deep, bro. Your mom's house was a long time ago. We played Tom or Black. We did. Jesus. Yeah. Must be like four or five years. It was a long time ago. Yeah. It was a long time ago. Yeah. Anyway, this is, you know what I love about Alison's voice and her whole perspective? I went to Hooters

is the title of one of the chapters. Goodbye underpants. No chips, no nuts. I feel like you are the enter. I do not enjoy dancing. Like you're the inner voice of every human being, but it's the stuff that people are afraid to admit to. Thank you. You are so nice. I just captured that stuff so well. Like you're so vulnerable and it's so much fun and I love it. Thank you. Yeah. So the Hooters thing, that was weird. I was on the Adam Crowley show for years and you know, we all had access to the calendar so we could see who the guests were, what live shows were, you know, everything. And all of a sudden one day like Hooters pops up and we had a live podcast scheduled at Hooters and I had never been to Hooters and I don't think of myself as

a prude and yet I was very uncomfortable knowing that we were going to be doing a show at Hooters. Even having not been there before? I think because I hadn't been there before. Oh, interesting. And I don't, it wasn't, it wasn't about I don't want to be in a Hooters environment. I think it was that I don't want to be standing next to Hooters women because I feel like I'm going to be objectified in a negative way. Like I'm not going to measure up. You think that the gentlemen there are going to be comparing you to the waitresses and being like, that chick's not a Hooters girl? Yes. Sniff those balls. Sniff them. Like that. Exactly. I guess that's, I guess that's what I was worried about. And then people reassured me like it's really just a wing's place with women

in tank tops. It's so much more than that, Alison. Well, I mean it's that a little bit. It's so much more than that. It's so much not more than that. It's a place where dads can go and feel like girls like them again. That's true. That's the job. That's the job. And then they're like, Hey, my name's Mandy. And then they write their name on the tablecloth. Yeah. I see you know, that's funny. You really know the whole drill, don't you? Why do all men, because my husband is the one who reassured me. And I was like, Oh, I didn't know you had been to Hooters this many times. You know what's embarrassing as a guy by going to Hooters is when you end up at Hooters with a group, you, this is how my mind works. You want the server to know that you're not like them.

So you're like, Oh, you're like the cool guy. Yeah. That you're not like trying to drop dad jokes on them or like being like, Hey, do they make those shorts any shorter? They're like one of those guys. Yeah. So like what I do is I completely shut down. Whereas some of the guys turn it on. I shut it down so that in my mind, at least I'm going, you're not being that guy. So I'll like avert eye contact. I'll just be like, yeah, no, no, thanks. And when they do like their smiley thing, especially cause that's when the dads really light up is when she's like, she's like, what's extra shrimp sauce with that? And they're like, Oh, I do. I'll just be like, no, I'm fine. But that's your game, Tom. That's how you get me, Mandy Mitzi to fall in love with you. Cause

she's like, he's not like the other dads. I feel like he's negging me. Yeah. Right. Oh, we learned that from mystery or whatever. Yeah. But I'm doing it out of not to get her. I'm doing it because I'm so embarrassed to be there. I'm not here. I'm not here. It's like I'm embarrassed to be amongst the people who are acting that way. And I don't want to be thrown in with them. So you're saying that when you're at Hooters, you try to act like I'm not like these guys who are my friends that I'm here with, but are they doing the same thing? Well, look, I haven't been to a Hooters in quite some time, but I feel like the last time I went, it wasn't like me and my friends were going, let's go to Hooters. It was probably when I was working in a office like production

job. And so you're going with people who you're actually not your friends. It's coworkers. Right. So it has like that. It's a different vibe than I'm going out with friends. Yeah. And oftentimes when you go somewhere with coworkers, that's when you discover the kind of people they are. That's true. Like, oh, you guys are Hoot, you're part of the Hoot Club. Yeah. Join the Hoot Club. Isn't there a credit card you can have if you're like a dad member of the Hooters Club? Is that what it's all about? Yeah. So stupid. It's horrible. Now, I had one of my friends, this is like the saddest, this is like who I would, this is what would drive you from going to Hooters is that one of my friend's roommates was going like five days a week. So he was a regular and he

was talking about, he's like, man, this is so funny. She always never has the men, the napkins you need. And you're like, oh my God. Tiffany. Yeah. And they're leaving 50% tips and stuff. And you're like, oh, he's like, they're like, we're close. Like we're friends, you know, I'm like friends. Like you hang out outside of Hooters. No, but you know, it's like the stripper that likes you. Same guy also. Yes. Said that the stripper likes them. Yeah. I always thought it was interesting the Hooters uniform, the nude nylons with the white socks and then the orange short shorts, but the nude nylons was always like, really? Like that's just, I don't know. It kind of took me out of the fantasy. Hair net for your purse. What is that? Why do they need that? Why is that? I

don't know. It's, I think it's a really dated concept of making the legs look nice because when I see nylons, I see, I think so. I think it would take out any blemish that you might have. Oh, right. Like I see it. I see it. I'm like, oh, are you from the 1950s or something? Like, why are you wearing that? I remember, do you remember Undercover Boss' episode? Yes, I do. That was an amazing episode. Yes, I do. Did you see it? I didn't see that one. Undercover Boss did an episode with Hooters. Hooters still open? Yeah, I think so. I believe so. God. And the episode they did with Hooters, man, it was, they had, so you know, like that's like where the president or CEO acts like he's trying to get a job there. So they have them

like washing dishes and the actual guy that running the day-to-day operations of this one Hooters has no clue. He's like hamming it up for the camera. He's like, hey, he's like, all right. He's like, now he's like, these girls think they're hot shit. So, you know, you got to kind of put them in their place a lot so they don't get a big head about it. And he was, he was, he was a total pig of it in everywhere. He looked like a pig. His attitude was pig-like. And then he's like, so I do this pretty regularly and he had paper plates and he poured beans on them. And he's like, now we're going to hold them out in front of these girls. And they have to, whoever can eat the pig, the beans off the plate, the fastest, no hands. So they have to hold their

hands behind their back. He's like, you know, just like pigs, you know? And then he was like, yeah, he was such an animal. And so, and he was talking shit about it the whole time. And the man, then that, you know, the end of the episode is where they, they confront the people. And then this guy just turned white. And I couldn't believe he didn't fire them. I don't know why he didn't. He gave them another chance, which was like, really, dude? I mean, look, these Hooters girls still deserve respect. Well, they do. I mean, they're just, they're just, they're just trying to sling some wings, make some money. Yeah, make a few bucks. No, I don't know. Were they good at eating the beans? A couple of them really really were. A couple of them,

I think, most important. See, she has the most important questions. They have a scarf down. And I think they actually, they did not enjoy it. They were all like, it's really demeaning when Scott makes us eat the plate of beans. When we asked for time off. No, they didn't like it. No. Yeah, I've been to a strip club once as part of like a co-worker outing. When I worked at a company that sold airtime, like media airtime. I remember that was uncomfortable. I was like in my early 20s. What was it? I've never been to a strip club. It's always sad. Like I think in theory, I would always get stoked on it. Like, yeah, let's go to Cheetahs and like the clown room or whatever. And then every time I go, I'm inevitably

bummed out because you're like, I mean, I'm glad these women make a living and not everybody's doing it for sad reasons, but I, it just always made me sad. Like, oh. Yeah, I think there was a point at which, thank you. I think there was a point at which I thought it's an empowered thing to do. And if you have listeners who do that and feel that it is an empowered thing to do, more power to them. But also, I think the older I get, the more I see it as potentially exploitative. Well, I look. We went to a strip club once. Hold on. It's one thing to make your money. It's another thing to have to stand and pick up the dollars that are thrown at you. Like, okay, at least give it in a, that's the part that always made me sad. Like just fucking

hand it to her like a person. She just gave you a nice show. Spoon the beans into her mouth. Yeah. You fucking asshole. Like that bothers me. Some guys are really, I think it's a, it's a place where it's like, you know, when you go out and you see what people are really like, you go to strip club with people. Yeah. You can see what they're really like. And you can see the dudes that hate women. Yeah. That's what bothers me. It's very obvious. Is that their, their, their attitude towards them is like, you fucking bitch. Of course. Instead of like, hey, thanks for giving me the titty show. No, they see the power dynamic shift at the strip club where they have the money and therefore I own you and they, and all their rage kind of comes

out because that girl never looks at him when he's not in the strip club. And that's it. And that's why that's the dynamic I must feel when I go in there and makes me sad. Yeah. Cause I want it to be sex positive. I want it to be like, oh, how fun environments of strip clubs where it's like that. Yeah. You know, what the problem is you're not going to enough strip clubs. Your sample size is too small. Yeah. Do you think I should start going now? Six months pregnant? Yes. Should we start getting into it? Like as a couple? Yes. That's our thing. Yeah. Six months. There's nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with that. Yeah. So now you're going to say that we actually, that was one of the first times we hung out before we started dating is we went to

a strip club. Yeah. Now what happened was I was dating a lawyer at the time, a guy who would, they just finished law school and we were out celebrating that he had completed law school. That's right. And it was, it was near a Tangier, the comedy room that I used to run. And so Tommy, Ryan Sickler, Matt Fullshron, who else was there other comics? I don't remember. Maybe like Jay Larson. Maybe. I go, come on, we're all going to, I'm going to get my boyfriend lap dances because he just graduated law school, which just goes to show how invested I was in that relationship. Someone's got to touch you. It's not going to be me. So I think I had one foot out the door on that one. Never offers me that shit. No. Fuck no. Father and my children. No, you don't get any of

that. So anyway, we go to the strip club. I don't know what stripper to pick to give him a lap dance. I'm not that. Everybody, all the other comics go, ask Segura, ask Segura. He'll know which girl to pick. He'll know. And I, I was like, really? She did come over to me. She came over to me. I still remember that. Yeah. I remember. Okay. So, so I forget the girl you pay. You just said like, Hey, everyone said you're the guy to ask. Like, who should I get to? Cause you, you knew their roster so well. No, I didn't know. I'd never been there, but they, they all were just like, if anyone knows what to look for in a stripper, it's him. And that's what she came over and told me. Nice. Yeah. And did it turn out to be true? I don't know. I just, I think I was just like,

Oh, uh, and I just looked around the room and I was like, she looks like she stinks. Go, go ask her. Like how would you, I mean, what would, what would you look for? Like, I don't know how to pick good fruit, you know? Yeah. That's a good question. I mean, you would, you would see who like, you don't want the stripper, I think, who, uh, thinks too highly of themselves. Oh, too much self-esteem is a bad thing. Oh, in a stripper, for sure. Yeah. Unbelievable. We were just talking about how the power dynamic bums us out. And they're like, she can't have that self-esteem. Yeah. No, no, no. You just want, you want someone who's, who's game, like who's, who's down for the, like a rescue dog. Great, grateful to be chosen. And you know what, the rescue dog, all they want is treats.

And that, and that rescue stripper, she just wants ones, just one, one, one, one, one, one, one. You just give her those ones and you get the show. So you, because there's also the game amongst men where you're picking the lap-downs for your buddy. We have to pick the brokest. Now, that's what I did when I went to my friend Red's, uh, uh, bachelor party 15 years ago. We went to this run-down strip club outside of Charlotte. And the lady that looked like, you know, life had just handed her nothing but, but broken fucking dreams. But ripped dollars. Oh man, she was like, she looked like, she looked like she'd had maybe six, seven kids. Yeah. Everything was kind of hanging. And yeah, you know, nobody was looking at her. I went over to her, I gave like a hundred bucks. And I was

just like, just sit on them and just keep dancing. She was like, okay. So that was, that's fun to, to send you. I can't decide if, I can't decide. Like in a way that's sweet. Yeah. Because you chose her and no one was looking at her. Like the way you portrayed it, it was very sweet. However, isn't the game, hey, look at this fuckly lady. Of course. No, I was done to mock her and him. Okay. Yeah. It's weird that it sounded sweet. It was so artificial. Well, that's what my husband's good at. We were all, we, the sweet part was that we all, we all looked at each other with joy, like all the friends were like, look how horrendous this person is that we're sending to our friends. So that was sweet. But you gave her money and that's what she wants. That's all she wants. Yeah.

And you know what? She, that woman still thinks she's kind of hot. That's the thing about her. Yeah. I mean, that's the only way she could keep doing that. Yeah. If she was like, I'm not good enough for this, she wouldn't be there. So in her mind, that's the, the amazing thing about that, that type of stripper is that she actually thinks that she's got it going on still to a degree. So you're not ruining that for her. I would be the laziest stripper. I would be an entitled lazy stripper. Christina, by the way, how do you feel about ball kicking? Like kicking a guy in the balls as a Dom, you think you could do that? Some guys like, here's, here's 500 bucks. Just keep kicking me in the balls.

Yes, I do. But I think it would, I think I would do it, but I think that it would be sort of like where you like in a hammer and nail in and you're like, you know, take it easy. Yeah. Well, I feel like I'd like wind up. Well, actually, I was always terrible at soccer. So first of all, I would kick, I'd, I'd miss the balls, but I would try to like really wind up. I'd probably throw my back out and I'd probably just graze them. But I would, in my heart, I would want to be kicking them. I wouldn't want to drop blood or bruise. So you actually don't, you know, you're not enjoying the element of it that I enjoy, which is the, is it sadistic when you hurt somebody else? I can't remember. The sadistic

element of like, this guy wants me to hurt him. I've got lots of anger. We're a match made in heaven. Oh, really? So you're, oh, I could, you could be into this. I could do ball kicking, fart videos is another one. I feel like I'm already doing them. Why not profit? Easy peasy, easy money. I actually just, yes, I think I could do it because to me kicking balls is not like, not a, you're not really hurting someone, but I think, oh, you really are. You gotta see some videos. Oh, you're really hurting him. Yeah, you're really. Do we have any videos for her to watch? I mean, the way I'm envisioning it, the way I'm envisioning it, it's not really. Oh, it's fair. No, we're talking about full windup. You kick him, he doubles over. Oh, no, I could,

I cannot inflict pain, but he loves it. But he loves it. He wants it. He asks for it to keep doing it. And then he's like, I'm bleeding. I'm pissing blood, you know, and I think I could handle that. But Christina, you're into that. I'm not into it. So we don't practice it in our personal life. But if some guy were like, I'll pay you. This is, this is, by the way, a fantasy that exists outside of me being a wife and a mother and being who I am today. Just had to make that clear. Yeah, not now. In case anyone's writing any offers. Right. Like, but yeah, if some dude was like, I got this amount of scratch, I don't like five grand. Five grand? Hey, it's a lot of money. I'm not your fucking broken down stripper.

Yeah. 50 bucks. No. I think you're worth five grand. Thank you. If I had balls and enjoyed them being kicked, I would pay you five grand. Because here's what you're going to get with me. You're going to get pure rage. I'm going to dress up nice. I'm going to really put my heart into it. Like, I'm going to come. You really think you could do this and have the guy just like sitting there like, and you're kicked? Yes. Yeah. I know I could because I know it brings some joy. No. No, it's no. I think it's because I have a great, I, when I took, you know, Kung Fu in the park and stuff, I like punching. I'm very angry inside. And I like to, you know, get it out. And that's a cathartic release for you. It's a win-win. He wants it and I want to give it.

You know what I mean? I want to, I want to get the rage out of me. Okay. Where do you normally get the rage out? Don't therapy. I do Pilates now. Comedy, stand up comedy. How many works? Yes, it does. Prayer too. Well, you know, speaking of all these offers, men and women and everything, here's an offer that a man put out there on the subway, just to everybody on the train. And I'm wondering if you two ladies would respond to this. Maybe, maybe in your single days, maybe now. I don't know. Let's see. He has $20 a sack of weed. He stays with his mother, but she goes to work so that the place will be to himself. Yeah.

What do you think? Did you see no floss and no stocking? I didn't hear the floss part. No stocking though. So he's not gonna. Oh, he's not gonna. Okay. Yeah. He's just like, here's the offer. Right. It's like a, it's a, you know, clean offer. Clean. I have $20. You get to keep. I have weed. You get to smoke. I have alcohol. You get to drink. And you get to have sex with me. And my mom's not going to be there. And he lives at his mom's place. So it's probably, it's clean. Okay. That's probably nice. Tonight's the night. I'm going to take that offer. What do you think? I personally am going to pass. I'm good.

I mean, I appreciate his pitch. I love a sales pitch. And I got to say it's kind of sexist and unfair in our society that, you know, gay men can throw this pitch out. We have another famous clip we play where this guy is like, Hey man, you want to come over here? You want to piss on me, beat me, try it out. You want free rent? Like he just throws it out there and it works for gay guys. Why can't it work for straight guys? It's a really good point. I feel like this is a new era. Maybe, maybe he has some takers. I mean, we only saw him from the back. Whoever filmed this. Yeah. Well, they were trying to discreetly. Right. But maybe if I saw him from the front and I was like, yeah, I, I want to sit on that. Do you think there's an age where you may have taken

him up on the offer or a night? There's probably been a night. Yeah. I mean, a long time ago, because I used to drink pretty heavily. Really? Yeah. Oh yeah. I would drink real heavily and I would, whoever I was dating, like it was very vital to me that they come home with me or I go home with them. Cause I was like, sorry, it's going to get really, it's going to get real, just like that guy. Because I'm like, I don't want to, I don't want to feel anything tonight. Oh right. I don't want to feel these feelings. And if I go home, I'm going to feel these feelings. So I'm trying to delay, I'm trying to put more time in between now and when I have to like, have my moment of reckoning of like, who did I talk to and what did I say and how much did I

drink? And yeah, this guy's, this guy will help you forget for sure. Yeah. Oh, he would. So there would have been a time. Wipe that memories, those gone, just, you've been, yeah. And plus you keep, you keep jumping over the 20 bucks. I know. I'm forgetting about that. I'm forgetting about that. That's for you. To win-win. You keep that. Yeah. All yours. Now, why, why wouldn't he just go to a prostitute? One wonders because... I don't know, 20 bucks doesn't... Yeah, I was going to say, maybe I'm not aware of how much they charge. How much do they charge? Tom. Yeah, yeah, Tom, you're the expert. I feel like at least $30, I think, is the opening bid. I don't know. But I feel like 20 is probably well known to not be the amount

they charge. It's like a blow job, maybe, or hand job. Well, we watched that lady give her pitch on the streets and she, it wasn't good. It wasn't a good pitch. My list is depressing. It's a wrap where she puts her price list out there and what you get for the money. And it was like, that's it. Jesus Christ. Let me see if I can... Yeah, it's like 20 bucks for the blow job and the hand job. You're like, geez, man, you know. But it's got to work for somebody. It must have worked. He's doing it. I got that deep throat scrumptious point on star head where I lick the ass, lick the balls, put that dick weight on my throat, choke on the gag, gonna catch a swallow that nut. It's the best thing you got on. Yeah. It's scrumptious. Yeah. And that was only like...

Yeah. I think 50. How you doing? How you doing? I got that deep throat scrumptious point on star head where I lick the ass, lick the balls, put that dick weight on my throat, choke on the gag, gonna catch a swallow that nut for a high 60, how tight does she want to see? A high 60, you know? A 60. That's on the internet. Let me show the street. It's 20. Oh, 20. Oh, that's right. Well, let's link them up. No, I know. This is also, I think, a level of prostitute. Maybe not. Yeah, but I think it's the highest echelon, $20. But how excited would she be for that free weed, free alcohol? She, her evening's made. Yeah. And a nice place to do it at. Now, my guess is that she is below that man's standards though. That's how, how full of himself he is. And so, it has

to have worked for him at some point where he just throws it out there and some, and then what woman's gonna be like, I'd like to in front of everybody else. A lot of women. I don't think you know many women. A lot of women. That's how we are. Sir, I'd like to fuck you. Guys actually would go for it. Black guys who love to fuck and fuck good. If you're a hot black guy, you want to fuck me at 23.95. If you want to move in, you can move in, but you got to fuck me. I mean, I need to fuck a lot, man. Get free food, free rent, get something else, man. Somebody, you know, we've watched this clip probably 40 times. Somebody pointed out to me that there's a whole lot of shoulder movement in this. We never really realized he's actually probably tugging his meat this whole

time. No. Yeah, there's a lot of shoulder movement. Let me watch it again. If you're a hot black guy, you want to fuck me at 23.95. If you want to move in, you can move in, but you got to fuck me. Then from jail, homeless, or thoughts still moving. So Christmassy. Free rent, get a lease on a cake. Fuck me. I think it's because his neck is cranked uncomfortably. I think that video just made Alison sad. That's Ron Jeremy, right? It looks like him. Oh, it's not him. Okay. Because I was going to say I didn't know that Ron Jeremy. It looks like him. Oh, yeah. But yeah, it's, I don't know. I think you guys should open up your attitudes a little bit. I guess we're a little closed-minded. Squares. Couple of fucking nerds we are.

Of course, a while ago we were introduced to ball hogs. Hi, I'm Sierra Sin, and I'm a ball hog. And ever since we introduced people to ball hogs, they've been making their own ball hog videos and sending them into us. Alison's really stepped into a unique episode. I know. I'm excited. I'm excited to be here for this. Cock and ball heavy. Oh, I actually have a, I have a sex question based on something that was discussed on your last episode. You were talking about double pen where, or triple pen where two guys or three guys are in the same hole. Is that real? Yeah. I was just talking about this with Tom yesterday. Yeah. How, how did like, like puzzle pieces, how do they position themselves? Yeah, it's a good question. And generally speaking,

yeah, it works. It works. What are you talking about? What do you mean? Two and you three in you? Yeah. In the same hole? Yes. Well, how do three dicks get in one? She's right. How do three? First of all, you got to have the right attitude. You got to, you got to want it. Yeah. Life is full of obstacles. Yeah. You got to just, if there's something you want to do, you got to, you got to push for it. I mean, keep pushing. Right. You got to do like what my, what my husband says he'll sometimes do if his team at work is putting resistance, which is, you know, which is be like, but let's say we could make this work. How would we do it? Oh, that's smart. Right. Or you could use Cameron Haines philosophy, the, the ultra distance runner.

Yeah. Keep hammering. Keep hammering. Keep hammering. Keep hammering. Keep going. Right. Yeah. You miss 100% of the dicks. You don't try to stuff in your hole. There you go. That was wisdom right there. Knowledge. That will be 100% isolated for this show. Perfect. You're our new drop. That is, it's so true though, but here's what usually happens. I think is that, so there's a guy sitting down. Oh my God. Are we really going to? Yes. I need to understand. So a guy is sitting down, right? There's a guy sitting on the chair behind you. A woman is seated facing him with one in her. Okay. Then another guy comes up behind her. Oh yes. There's two in you. There's number two, two in you now. Or worse, number three.

But that's like doing a real that inside you. Yeah. Yeah. That's, that doesn't sound comfortable. I don't think it's ever comfortable. Right. But people want to push the boundaries and the levels of what they, what's possible. You know, landing on the moon. If a kid can come out of there, I mean it can accommodate a lot. It can accommodate a lot. You're right. That's a really good point. Shoulders and oh God. That is nuts that that comes out. Right. You saw it happen. Yeah. Human being comes out. What was your reaction to seeing it, Tom? You're so removed from the physical part of what's going on. It's just that like you're seeing a baby, you're your baby born that you're just, you're just in awe. You're not thinking about,

oh, that baby came out of your puss puss. It's like, it's just that like baby is born and you're just totally in awe. Right. Yeah. I mean, somebody could have just tapped me and I would have probably fall, fell over. You know, I mean, yeah, you just, and then that nice moment you said when the ego, and then I looked down and all this shit just came out of you. Yeah, all this shit fell out of you. Yeah. That was after birth or like actual shit. But no, no shit. Yeah. It was like, no, it was a the placenta fluid and yeah, just look like, uh, look like a, like a sewage valve had been opened and just like, was it purples and reds and it just, it looked like, I don't know, ocean water. It was just like a, it was like, yeah. Did you see the placenta? I don't even remember. I was so focused

on him. I didn't know. And, and then I was like, is he a ginger? Cause we had a real bad moment where we thought we were going to have to give him up. So it looked like he might have red hair. But then it, you know, everything got better, but that was a really rough moment. He's blonde now. Yeah. He kind of has reddish hair though, doesn't he? No. I don't think so. I don't think so. Yeah, his hair looks like Christina's. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. That was a magical moment. You go, when he recaps to me, he's like, I saw the head come out and then the body and then a bunch of shit just came out of you. I was like, oh, romantic. It was like a pool. I was really like, you know, out of stuff. Now, did Daniel watch you? Yes. Yes. And he, his comment was he just couldn't believe how huge

my vagina had gotten. Yeah, I imagine. Did you even notice that part where it was like? No. Because even like when you're, like when you're, I think maybe if it was a stranger or something, you, you start to objectify the X's and O's of the whole thing. But when it's yours, you really like thinking about, you're monitoring the heart rate monitor and you're looking at her and then, you know, when, when the head starts to crown, you're really like, holy shit, this is about to happen. So your mind isn't really going there. I think you're so in the moment. Was it pretty fast for you once the head crowned and then he was out because it wasn't real slow on my end. I'm beginning to give him ample time to notice the size of the head first. It wasn't fast for me.

It wasn't fast for me either. Cause I, I think he, I couldn't push him out enough. That was a problem. They're like, keep pushing. I'm like, bitch, I am. And then she's like, do you want a mirror? I was like, fuck no, I don't want to turn down the mirror too. Fuck you. Just get him out, man. The mirror would have made me like clench everything up. That's what I thought too. Once I saw what was happening, I think it would get in my head. So then I just kept pushing and pushing and that's when the scissors came out. And that's when Tom goes, I saw the scissors come out and I looked away right away. Well, she took, when the scissors went down is when I was like, I just didn't want to, cause I knew that the, uh, it would be stamped in my head. So I just go like, if I can just miss

that moment and then turn back as it's a second later, then I won't notice it. And that's what I did. Was it just blood everywhere? No. I mean, it was, it was, it wasn't bloody. It just was one of those things where I go, I just don't want, it's like watching, um, some violent YouTube thing and you're just like, well, that's in my head forever and I can't get it out. So that's what I was trying to avoid. That's smart. Yeah. And you didn't feel about it all, right? No. And she's like, I'm, she was sewing me up and talking to me afterwards. And then she's like, hey, I'm going to put my finger in your rectum to make sure there's two holes. And I was like, yeah, I don't give a shit, put your arm in there. I don't feel anything right now. I swear my, cause I did feel

a lot of stuff. I swear my OB put her finger in my butt. Yeah, yeah, they do to make sure that they sewed you up right. Oh yeah. I feel like it was while he, while I was still delivering him though. Oh. And I can't get up the nerve to ask her. I saw her recently and I was like, just ask her, just ask her, just ask her. That's my new thing in life. Cause I, I really don't like that feeling of regret of like, you know, like the staircase. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, it's in French. Um, that thing afterwards. So I'm like, just say it in the moment, but I couldn't, I couldn't do it. I couldn't say, did you put your finger in my butt? Um, and then I've read that it could just be a sensation of like the baby's head pushing on something, but I'm pretty sure her finger was in my butt.

Or maybe you just shit a little. They told me I didn't. And I don't know if they're lying to me. I had a salad. I had a salad a couple of days before. They lie a lot to ladies about that. Do they? Of course. Did I really wanted to know? Not that I noticed, but I'm saying if you, a lot of come on, I don't understand how I could have not. I was really pushing everything. Did you shit when you were in labor? Cause I, I remember when I first started going to labor, like that's what happens. Everything just comes out of you. Cause it's like your body's way of cleaning. Imagine if you do this every day and there's multiple deliveries and you've seen people get embarrassed that they did. Probably a lot of them, their auto response is like,

no, you didn't, you know, I don't like that dishonesty. Cause I asked, but I asked like right away. Did I shit? Everyone said no. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Weird how important it is to me to know the truth. All right. I have speaking of shit and pregnancy. I experienced a double pipe classic while pregnant. Wow. Now I know that's why I bring it up because someone, is it, is it your listeners who think that it's, that doesn't count? Yes. Yes. And I say, don't take this away from me. However, then I listened a little longer and now I'm afraid that maybe my double pipe classic is invalidated because it happened while I was sitting on the toilet. It wasn't, it wasn't a pure like one, two, three, which I feel like is the, the like, that's the

platonic ideal of double pipe classic. I think you're right. It was more like I was on the toilet farting and then I burped and I went, oh, that felt really weird. Oh my God. It was a double pipe classic. I don't think that that doesn't count though. It wasn't, it wasn't just, it wasn't like non-stop farting. It was, it really was like a fart and then I burped in the midst. So I feel like that should count. I think it counts. Yeah. I think so too. Yeah. I think that still counts. But it wasn't as pure as if I was just like going about my day shopping or something. Yeah, but you also weren't like, it doesn't sound like you were trying to manufacture it. No, I 100% was not. Sounds real to me. Very innocent. Congratulations. Certified.

Yeah. That's good. I do think you have a good point, Tommy. It's the organic happening. It's like you're not trying to make it happen and then you're surprised when it does. That's the true essence of the double pipe. That's true. Yeah. So I would say that Alison earned hers and we'll have that shirt shipped to you. Thank you. I can't wait. Now, here's the ball hog thing I was trying to show you. Yeah, I'm sorry. People have sent us ball hog. Oh, great. Great. Them saying ball hog lights. I like these. Hi, I'm Elijah and I'm a ball hog. Oh, hey, my name's Ari. I'm also a hog. I might get him.

Stupid. So Ari may have an appearance as a ball hog. My name is Peyton Lafferton and I'm a ball hog. That man is in his 70s. That's Will. Thanks for making the ball hog video, Will. Thanks, Will. I'm Peyton Lafferty and I'm a ball hog. Wow. Wow. She really committed to it. She did great. Like I believe her. Yeah. Yeah. Look at the way that she's looking at you. They're dead behind the eyes. But I think she wants you to know. No, she's doing it on purpose. Yeah. She's showing you she's the ball hog. Because that's a real ball hog. Cohen, what is mom? Mommy, it's a ball hog. Mom's a ball hog? Yeah. Terrible. Just tell me exactly what she is again. What is mom? Mommy, it's a ball hog.

Get on the game. That's abuse. That's abuse. That's from Taylor. Good job, Taylor. There's another one. Babe, so what are you? My name is Peyton Lafferty and I'm a ball hog. She's too cute to do this video. She's too pretty for that. Stop's being funny and starts being real. I know. Marcus from Ontario. Thanks for doing that, Marcus. And of course, everybody else. Peyton Lafferty. Ari. Sorry, who's Peyton Lafferty? She's an actor. And she is a strong performer. Very strong. I am Peyton Lafferty and a ball hog. Everybody really gravitated to her name. So why would you not? Yeah, it's like a comedy club. Yeah, it's pretty great. Peyton Lafferty. I'm Peyton Lafferty and I'm a ball hog. It's pretty great.

That was good, Tom. You like that? Yeah, I can't believe Ari did it. I know. I have a voicemail from our friend Joey Diaz. Okay. He left me. He told me he was taking this natural laxative as a weight loss supplement, basically. Sure. And I don't know. He's been encouraging me to try it. And this is, I guess, his report on how it's gone for him. Just thought maybe our audience would enjoy it. You don't need to call me back. You don't need to do that. You know, I always try to help you out. I'm going to Amazon or the Swiss Chris. Swiss Chris. Take four tablets a night and watch what happens to your asshole on the fourth fucking day. Let me tell you something. I took a shit yesterday. It had to be 62,

63 inches of eight different colors, bubblegum. You know, the 80s women didn't shave their hair, so I ain't asked, but I shit a fucking handball. I was like a werewolf in the fucking toilet. I thought it was a baby fucking possum in the fucking toilet. Swiss Chris, you want it for two weeks, you lose 10 pounds, and it makes your body feel like when you were a kid, it takes all the toxins out of your body. Your shit's come out of different fucking colors, bubblegum, bones. I mean, it's fucking tremendous. I was like, I should have taken a picture of that shit yesterday. It looked like a fucking cane. I couldn't believe it. Anyway, thinking about you stay black, give the wife a hug. There you go. He's thinking about you. Yeah. That's sweet. That's a very sweet

message. It's called Swiss Chris. Swiss Chris. Yeah. Eight different colors. I'm kind of into that. I don't know. I ordered it. You did? Yeah. What is it? Amazon or something? It's just like a natural like, it says lax. It's like a detoxification thing. So you're supposed to just take a few pills a night for like a week. I mean, if it works for Joey Diaz. Can you imagine what's exciting him? What do you think is inside him? Like he said, pubic hair, bubblegum, bones. Everything bones. It's a possum. Yeah. Damn. Yeah. Pretty good stuff though. Jesus Christ. Nothing like a voicemail from him. Not special. Very special. I don't fuck with Lincoln. You know that, you know, the piss on me guy, the, the come over and fuck me. People, someone's made his,

him a tender profile. We got this swipe right if you're a hot black guy and you want to fuck me. And it has like the whole thing, men from jail, homeless, if you're a thug, you want to move in. Your friend can move in too, man. For your rent, you get at least in a key. Fuck me, piss on me, beat me. Jesus. You see me and want to come over today and try it out, try it out, man. That's, that's their tender profile. This is from Canada. It says less than a kilometer. Yeah. Yeah. But anyways. Wow. I wonder if he's getting any traction on that. I'm sure somebody would. You know, I have a single friend who's on these apps and he sends me screen grabs of these complete animals. And it's like a lot of swingers, a lot of women, they're like, my husband and I

want to play that. I'm like, that sounds real dicey, man, to show up some, some lady. You don't know. You don't know if the husband's really on board or not. Or like, is he going to beat the shit out of you? I mean, have you tried something like that? What? Craigslist. Meeting people online. Yeah. How'd it go for you? Great. I almost got married. Craigslist is the bottom of the barrel, right? For that kind of hookup. Yeah. I think, I think you should stick to the apps. Well, that's, when you were saying though, what your friend has found on the apps, I was thinking it's weird that we all agree that Craigslist, oh, that's super dicey, but these apps are okay to just meet a stranger. Yeah. I guess. But the thing is with apps, I mean,

people sign up with a, you know, like you're, there's like an agreement in terms and right, you're using your photo and like, and that, what's the one where the women, women have to initiate? So that's another level of farmer's daughter. It's not that, but that is, oh no, that's a bar. Farmer, there's something for farmers. No, there's, there's farmers only. Yes. Yeah. That's, I heard a bit about it. That's how I know. That's in like a lot of rural places where, but, but, you know, letting the woman initiate. Oh, was it bumble? I think it's the same of it. I think so. And then there's one that's just for celebrities called Raya. Yeah. And you have to be, you have it's like getting into the Soho house. You have to apply. And then I don't know how they approve

you. Oh, doesn't it make you want to know if you would be accepted? Of course. Want to know. I will know. Let us know. Yeah. Remember Ashley Madison? Is that still around? I think so. Yeah. That is scandalous. No, but they got, they got hacked. I know. And then it ruined a lot. People killed themselves. Yeah. Yeah. Damn. Hmm. Have you heard ads for Madison Reed hair color? Yeah. I'm in Madison Reed. My daughter named after my daughter. She's the worst. It sounds just like Leah Remini though to me. No, that one was terrible. So there's this commercial they play on Sirius. Yeah. For Matt, I'm Amy from Madison Reed. She's got like that Chicago accent. It's for hair color. I can't believe it's not Leah Remini. I hate her. I just heard her listen to today. It's a hair thing. Yeah.

It's like a home hair dye kit for women. It's nice and easy. But it sounds like a hookup site. Madison Reed to me, but it is the hair dye. Yeah. Yeah. Alison, we've talked about this before, but somebody just wrote in about it. So I'd like to your take on this. Okay. Somebody writes, hey, mommy's long time listener. My girlfriend and I recently had a debate that we'd love for you at your mom's house to settle. Earlier today, my lady and I were enjoying a nice shower together when all of a sudden a woman thought it was disgusting that I used our shared bar of soap to clean my ass. Bear in mind, I only ran it along the crack of my ass so I wouldn't come back with shit on it. Regardless, she insisted that it was nasty as hell. Then I used our, that I used our

bare bar of soap without the loofah to clean my ass. And she still needed to wash her face. I said it's a bar of soap unless there's a brown streak on it. It's always going to be clean. Can a bar of soap be dirty? Perhaps a question for the philosophers, which is why did we decide to email you our favorite genes? Am I in the wrong for using the bar of soap to clean my crack and balls? And does the bar of soap get dirty if I directly clean my ass with it? Thanks for letting us your ears and settling the dispute sincerely. Sal and Emily and we are ballhawks. That is not okay. Really? I don't think that's okay. I know that probably nothing can live on a bar of soap. Nothing. However, were they taking a shower together, as she said? Yeah. So he just

took the bar of soap, cleaned his ass, and then probably put it down. You just, you should never do that in front of her. I think, I think here's the technicality. Wow. Am I really zicking when you guys are zagging? You gotta fucking take a shower with this ball hug. Oh, you're gonna take a shower real quick? I'll bring my own soap. Go ahead. Sorry. I think that probably it is okay cleanliness wise since soap kills germs theoretically, but it's just aesthetically super disgusting. Do not do that in front of someone. What about just lathering up in your hands and then using your hands? I know many people, many people, many people just use washcloths and not I. I just use my hands. I don't care. Poor people use washcloth. Is that what

it is? Of course. The open defecators use washcloths. That is not for us. No, we're not a washcloth family. So use your fucking hand. Be a grown-up. Yeah. I don't know. I'll shove the entire bar of soap in my ass and put it down and expect it to be just clean. Alison, you don't even know what I live with. I mean, why? I mean, why not just lather up your hands and then use your hands? I do that too. I do that too. You can, you can really get in the nooks and crannies. No, that's true. Sometimes what I do is I'll take the soap bar. Let's say start rubbing it over myself. Then put it down and then get some more lather from the bar, but I'll put the bar anywhere. He puts the bar up his ass, in his ass, on his chest, on his face, on my face,

on my mouth. Like he doesn't care. Do you understand this guy? Listen, I stopped, he broke me down 14 years ago. I've been so broken down by this man. First of all, he'll blow snot rockets in the shower with me. Full snot rockets. He'll piss on me and he'll drink coffee right before. So it's like someone dumped a craft of coffee in the shower. I mean, he fucking farts, he pees, practically takes a shit in the shower. Then I spread the cheeks. Spread the cheeks. And I get the water running in there. Come on, man. That I do, man. You got to spread the cheeks, right? Of course. What do you do with the soap, Christina? I don't put this bar in my ass because I don't see the, there's no need. I put it on my

hand and then I use my hand. That's enough for me, but I don't have hair. Excuse me, like you do. Yeah. You got mashed stuff in there. I mean, I guess if you do, if you apply the bar directly, then you're getting more soap in there. I guess. I never really thought about it. And like, I always thought that like, yeah, the bar is clean. It's a bar soap. There's always like armpit hair on it from him. Oh God. That's nasty. He's nasty. You're nasty as hell. I'm just so used to it. Does Daniel not do anything horrendous like this to you? No, no. I'm trying to think of like the gross thing. Oh really? How long have you guys been together? We've been married for, we just had a four year anniversary and we have been, we were together for like two to three years before that.

I think I'm actually the more, the grosser one between the two of us. Really? No, no, probably not. He's more in, I'm more into open doors. He's more into closed doors. Yeah. That's the one barrier we have across. It means that if he's going to go take like a big old meaty shit, he would like the door closed and he doesn't want me to know about it. Oh, yeah. And you want him to know? Well, for the longest time I said I did, but I think it's more like I resented him wanting privacy. Sure. But then I think it's healthy. I think that's good. I was like, how dare you erect a boundary. There have been a couple of times where the door is actually open and then he'll like sort of walk towards the bathroom and I'll be like, can you close the door please? And I

realized I actually don't want, I don't want. But you left it open. Yeah, I did because I thought he was in the other end of the house. When it really comes down to it, I don't want him to watch me shit. Yeah. And that's the one thing I don't want Tom to know. I thought I did. I was wrong. Just because, but you thought you did not because you enjoy that per se as so much as you're like, why is there a privacy boundary? Yes, I wanted, I had this idea that there should be like 100%. I was actually just listening to an episode of your mom's house. It's like two episodes ago. When they hear this, it probably that time I will be off. But Tom, you were saying that nothing Christina does could ever gross you out. She's never grossed me out. She could shit on you

and you'd be totally fine with that. She's never grossed me out. That was so romantic. Well, it's true. I thought that was very sweet. She's never smelled. Oh my God. That's not true. You don't smell me enough. I smell you all the time. She's never had B.O. Not even during pregnancy because there's some funk that happens. That's what I'm telling him. I'm like, I just smell different when I'm pregnant. My everything smells different on me through a musky. Yeah. Yeah. He doesn't even notice it. It's so crazy. You don't smell. You don't have any B.O. That's sweet. Yeah. But that but yeah, but Allison, it's not, I don't know if it's so much a function of sweetness or that he such checked out a pig. No, not checked out, but he's so at home with himself and the horking

and the blowing snot rockets and the spreads that to him, the bar is so low in terms of what grosses him out or high rather. The bar is high. Yeah. So like nothing can phase you because you're not phased by you. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. You're pretty open. That's pretty good though. I don't know if it's romance, but we don't shit with the door open. That is the one boundary and you don't like it when I talk to you through the door. I feel like you don't, you want your alone time. Oh, I like shitting in peace, but that's just more because that's my time. That's your time. Yeah. I like to just, you know, not talk during that. Yeah. I understand. Yeah. And I don't, I don't want you to see me shitting either. I don't like it. Did you ever go through

a phase where you did? No. Okay. No, it's just me. It's just my own thing then, I guess. No, a lot of couples are very, I know, I know people that are, are fine with it. We knew a couple that one would be taking a dump and the other one would be eating her morning bagel. And that's too much to me. I'm talking to him. He's sitting there plopping and she's just like, yeah, so, and I would see them because I knew him real well. And I'm like, you're just going to eat that in front of them. And they were like looking at us like, what? How did you know? Who told you, who revealed that this is what they do? Or had you seen it? Oh, I saw it. I saw it because he was a close roommate of mine. I saw him shit all the time.

But when they were dating, I'm like, you're just going to stand there and eat that while he shits and didn't even register. Do men frequently shit in front of each other? No, but you know, there's a thing where like, if you're like really good, good friends, you don't want it to happen, but it's like, you don't go like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Like, you do it with like a stranger or somebody. So it's like, I don't know. You just kind of, I don't know. It's like a, it's not a bonding thing. It's more like a ball busting thing. Like you're taking a shit. Yeah. And sometimes you have conversations and then come in here. I got to tell you something. Like you want them to run into the right part of it. Right. Yeah.

That makes sense. You know what bothers me about the eating of the bagel? It's just that you're eating in a room, excuse me, where there's shit flex everywhere in the air. Yeah. It's not a sanitary eating condition. It's nasty for sure. Yeah. I'm not sure I agree with that. You're hella nasty for doing that. Yeah. I don't have many about like weird things about pooping and stuff, but that, to eat a bagel, the cream cheese is out and all the, the guy's shit, shit flex are in the air. Shit flex. The germs. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's not right. What do you think of this? Hi, my name is Becca. Hi, I'm Amy. How are you? Good. How are you? Oh, I'm bored already. What is your personal philosophy of rehabilitation? So my personal

philosophy of rehabilitation... Isn't that... What is that? That's her laugh. Isn't that just... No. Yes. Yes. I thought that was like something falling over or her fart or something. That's her laugh. No, that's her laugh. No. Yes. No, let me, let me... Yes. The audio is great, by the way. The quality is stunning. Well, they're making a video for, you can tell in the kitchen there, it's very nice. The rehabilitation. So my personal philosophy of rehabilitation... No, that's not her laugh. Yes, that is her laugh. Yes, it is. Wow. I don't understand. Well, it's her laugh. Oh, I hear it. That's not her laugh. I want professional. Professional what?

Girl uses lung infection for a laugh video. Yeah. Isn't that nice? Oh my god. Yeah. By the way, this is too much personal info, but Christina, you know how you asked how the home search is going? The way that kitchen looks, I feel like we've seen a lot of houses. That's an infection. That's pretty bad. She needs to go to the doctor yesterday. That's a bad cough. She has pneumonia. What if there was someone who sounded like that at your show? Oh my god. I've had it a few times. I've had crazy, crazy, crazy laughs a few times. Yeah, where the funny thing is most of the time, the better rule is to completely ignore it, even if nobody else is because it becomes such a distraction for the show. But I've had a few

times where I had to address it. It was so crazy. You know, one time a guy was sitting in the front row. He was actually loving the show like the kind of person you want at your show. He was beating the table and laughing so hard at even minor things. And his laugh, it wasn't like this, but it was a different sounding laugh. It sounded like he was in a struggle for his life as he laughed. At a certain point, I was just like, dude, and I thought that because what happens is when you address somebody about their laugh, sometimes you kind of ruin the show for them. They start to feel really self-conscious. Yeah. But he went right into it. He didn't care. Like so, it was fine. One time I had this weird sound. It was like a Darth Vader sound. And I was like, this is so

weird, man. And I didn't want to address it. And lo and behold, some poor person was on like a ventilator. Yeah. And I was like, but you know, there's lulls in the, and you'd hear Yeah, she sounds definitely sick. She's a good doctor. She's dying. She's dying. Do you have some penicillin? I mean, God, like, what happened to you? I saw, you know what it is? She was on her way out of like a bronchial infection. Yeah. Like she, she had been really sick and now she's able to go to work, but it's still the remnants are still there. So gross. Sounds like FIFO when he, you know, he chokes himself on the leash. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. He goes, oh, your house, your house shopping. Is that what I picked up on?

Yeah, we have been for a long, long, long time. Oh, really? Yeah. We sort of, like we're into it and then we stop and then we go get back to it. And now we're very serious again, but it's just hard to find anything that you're going to compromise in one place. And we don't want to compromise. So therefore we won't ever own a house. No, you'll find it. I think we will. You will. I feel like we've gotten close. Yeah. Yeah. No, we saw a lot of houses like that too with that kitchen. It was when LJ was a baby, we go house searching and remember when the house we went into, it was so sad looking and Ella started crying right away. We're like, we got to go. LA can be real depressing to shop for a house. It really is. As I imagine other just big cities

are like, fuck man, this is what I'm, this is my level. Right. Right. And our level has crept like what I remember, the price that we wanted to pay when we started, it's gone so much just because it's like, oh, there's nothing you can get at that. Yeah. You know, I mean, luckily we, like it's gone up a little bit, what we're able to afford, but just what was our comfort, it's not even about our comfort zone. It's just like, we're going to pay everything we possibly can. And we, we're still hoping to find, I don't know, you know, it's just, there's a lot of nice places that are very small and we want space and that's the challenge. That's always a challenge challenge with LA before we leave the book. Yes. Tropical attire,

encourage and other phrases that scare me. Is it available everywhere where books are available? It will be available everywhere. It is available officially April 10th and it's available for pre-sale March 21st. So go to allisonrosin.com and I'll have links to where you can get it or just go to Amazon. Allisonrosin.com or go to Amazon tropical attire encouraged. Also, Alison Rosen is your new best friend. Yes. Get that everywhere. You get podcasts, but a quick way to get it, itunes.com slash Alison Rosen for Alison Rosen is your new best friend. Follow me on Twitter at Alison Rosen and Instagram at Alison Rosen. Fantastic. Thank you so much. I can't wait to read this. I'm so proud of you. Yeah, very proud of you. All right. This

closing song is psycho ball hog by DJ Bill Cosby. I have not heard it. I don't know. I can imagine what it's about. Anything else, Jean? No, I'm just so impressed with anybody that writes a book. I know. It's amazing. So amazing. Thank you, guys. You're the best. Bye, guys. Thank you. Bye, meow. You're a psycho. My husband is a psycho. That means he's a functioning psychopath. When I started dating Tom Segura back in 2005, they were red flags. Little stuff.

Dead animals. And he'll be like, I love you so much. I just want to smash your goddamn head in. I like you so much. I just want to gouge your eyes out. I want to squish your face and kill you. You can't be with a person like that. My husband is a psycho. Now he is. My husband is a psycho. It's the serial killer tone of his complete lack of emotion. Thank you.

Every time with the fucking serial killer, that is the exact hairline. Most of my brain is saying I got to get away from Scott because he's going to fucking hit me over the head with a hammer. I can't control myself. Injuries to me are funny. That guy's got broken legs. Broken hips. You're going to murder me in my sleep. That dude's broken.

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