Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 443-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: April 12, 2018

Skibbity Scabbity doo! We love to pretend to be an instrument with our mouths. It obviously takes WAY more skill to scat than to learn to play an instrument. We are MASTERS of the craft and welcome you to learn from us. Also, God, is he real? Is he a he? Seems unlikely. If you ever wanted proof that religion is likely just comfort food, listen here. We are EXPERTS. Plus, God doesn't like sausage. (This is, of course, difficult to reconcile with the previous paragraph, but we also have an expert on this so just trust us).  We have all that plus Dental Updates and much more! Pull em up.  Thanks to our sponsors:  Stamps.com Code word: MOM FabFitFun.com Code word: YOURMOM

New York City. I'm sorry, I mean Jew dork titties. December 8th, 2018. I am doing the Gramercy Theater and tickets go on pre-sale to day and because this episode is dropped late, it's going to be extended through Friday. Pre-sale tickets use promo code Jeans just for you guys. Promo code Jeans. Go to Christina P online now and get those tickets. Wow. I don't think my pre-sale is still going. I had a pre-sale going, but the on-sale starts Friday. What is it? April? April 13th. April 13th. Is that right? Yeah. Today is April 11th as we drop this episode. This Friday, I have new shows. Orlando and Jacksonville. Oh, Jackson Manville. Jackson Manville and Orlando. I'm coming in November. If it's still

on pre-sale, it's the word champ. I know that you can try the links. How dare you? They picked it. They picked it. They assigned it. That's terribly rude. Go to Tom Segura.com. Hit the tour page. And if that pre-sale is still going, it's a champ. If not, set your reminder that this Friday the 13th, 10 a.m. Eastern Orlando hard rock live and the Florida Theater in Jacksonville, Florida. Those are both November 2nd and 3rd. They'll be on sale. I think I added another show in where is it? I don't know. Almost everything sold out. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, Brea still has tickets and Breastballs Beach, West Palm, Florida has tickets. I think that's it. That's the farting girl, right? She goes, oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh. Let me tell you about my other dates before we do stuff. Is that cool? Of course. April 29th, Man Fran Disco, Cobbs Comedy Club. There's just a handful of tickets left. That's one show only. So, scoop those up now because they are going May 4th, Cuntington Beach at the Rec Room Comedy Club. May 9th, Cox Hardt. Oh, my gosh. She is. Hawks and Hardt, Levity Live. Oh, my gosh. And then to separate New York's titties as a grammar seed. I love her. It's so ridiculous. Well, the best is that she rips the biggest fart in history and then she's like, oh, my gosh. That's my favorite porno clip. Besides Jules, you have two and you have three and you. Yeah, yeah. Honestly,

it wasn't until and this is like, this goes for almost all the moments in the scene. It wasn't until somebody was actually there telling me you have two and you or you have three and you that like it actually kind of clicked and I'm like, oh, my God, this is actually happening. I'm proud of myself. Oh, my gosh. All right, Gene, what do you got for us? This is it, guys. Sorry, it's late. I was traveling, shooting scenes, and I had to get back here in time for this, so. Okay, your scenes. Here it is. Did you have two and you and three in you? I had all kinds. I had so many scenes. Boy, girl, girl, boy, boy, boy, boy, boy, girl, girl, girl, girl, boy. Were you proud of yourself? Super proud of myself. I'm proud of myself. Here it is. Enjoy the episode.

You know, I was on The Gram last week and I did and there is a woman on there. Tell me now so I can just pull it out. Let me find it is terrible. There's a woman who got some kind of an award like a Grammy nomination for scatting. Not throwing her shit in someone's face though, right? Scat play is when you play a poopy. That's a different game. Poopoo? But it was, it's probably the most annoying thing you've ever seen. I have to search through here. I don't know, Tommy. It's really great. I mean, how you don't have this ready already is just beyond me. You know, this is what the show is about, babe. What do you like best about listening to somebody scat? I mean, it's just like, I just feel it in

me scum. Oh, here she is. Here she is. Can you email it to me? Yeah, hold on. Yeah. What a fucking, it kind of feels to me like a racket. Like, come on. It's not really a talent to me. It feels like someone is really hurting. I just emailed her. It hurts my insides, hurts everything. Well, it's not real. It's not singing and it's not rapping. It's scatting, right? So it's like, here I scuba-do-ba-pe-da-boo-ba-boo. And she's like, I just feel it. I don't have to write it. How is that a talent? If you don't have to write it and you don't have to really learn how to do it, we just did it. Yeah. Scuba-do-ba-pe-ba-boo-be-dee-be-dee-ba-boo-ba. Oh, God. There she is. She's got, it's on NPR. Yeah. Grammy-nominated jazz vocalist, Jasmia Horn. Scatting is more

than a technique. It's a means to honor her ancestry and empower herself in the moment. Oh, my God. Okay. I'm a grader. This stage is mine. You ready to hear my favorite form of music that exists? Yeah. Here we go. I don't think about a horn player. I just become the horn player. It's called what kids do. Scatting is improvisation, but it's called pretend time. I don't think about a horn. I mean, for me, it's important because my ancestors did it and they had a reason behind doing what they did. Because they didn't have horns? They couldn't afford cool shit? Yeah. I know. Oh, boy. Oh, come on. That goes like a Jesus. It's on Instagram. When I'm scatting, I don't think about a horn player. Yeah.

Did I just scat? You're scatting. You got the Grammy-nom. See, I don't know if I could do that with a horn. I think if you gave me a horn and you told me to imitate the horn, I'd be like, I don't know how to do this. Yeah, if somebody gave you a horn. Because that's a talent. I'm a horn. My ancestors didn't have horns and even though I could go get one now, I want to be like them. You know, my ancestors didn't have either running water. Yeah, toilets. Yeah, they didn't have electricity. Sanitation. We had to do stuff the old way. Roofs. None of it. Beds. But that's that old way. You got to preserve the cool stuff, right? That's the worst when someone's like,

but people used to do this. Yeah. So what? Yeah, they didn't have what you have now. That's why they did that. I like it. She's like, yeah, I don't need the horn. I am the horn. No, you're not. But you're not the horn. No, you're not. And honestly, I don't even like the way like when the horn plays just by itself. I don't like that shit either. Like, I like jazz. Yeah. But even when I hear a lot of, I'm like, oh my God, my, my head's gonna explode. One of my friends likes like free flowing. Oh my God. Jazz sessions. It's all over the place. Oh my God. That makes me crazy. Gives me anxiety. And especially when I don't know how you watch that, you're like, man, that's good. Because he's one of those guys like, oh yeah, he really loses himself in it. And I'm

like, yeah, he lost me too. So I guess a mission accomplished man. God damn. I mean, I know there's talent. There's clearly a lot of skill involved in doing that stuff. But for me, it just gives me anxiety listening to it. Yeah. It's pretty bad. Oh, good night. Let's do a proper show open. Yeah. What are we doing here? Let me hold on. Let me do the horns for you. You want to do the, oh, you want to do your mom's house horns? Why don't you do all the instruments? Welcome to your mom's house. That was really good. Thank you. Jesus. My ancestors taught me. Yeah. Here we go. Here you go. Here you go.

Re-explaining to me why I could eat pork. Welcome, welcome, welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura and Christina Pajitse. Welcome to your mom's house. Wow. It's like we're instruments. I'm not playing the horn. I am the horn. I was the guitar right there. The thing is, my ancestors, they couldn't play guitar, and neither can I. I'm just carrying on the great tradition of having no musical talent in my bloodline. Yeah. It's good stuff. It truly is one music form I just don't get. Yeah, I don't get it either. God, you can listen to that shit like it's true. I don't get it. No. A lot of stuff to talk about

Jean. Yeah, so the Christians are, some of them are against putting their mouths on penises, right? Yeah. The jeans and stuff. Yeah, a lot of them. I think if you're like, what is it? Is evangelical and like old school Baptist, they really read the Bible literally and then they, yeah, you know what really will change your opinion on, I think, religion? Being a grown-up. Being a grown-up. Being an adult. Any photo from space, you know, when you look at a photo, I was looking at a photo from space that was taken by some satellite from Saturn towards Earth, and you just see a dot and there's an arrow. It's like, this is Earth. It kind of makes you go, like, it'd be like if someone said, and then the people on that star think that a magic man comes

out. You know what I mean? Yeah. Makes you go like, what? They read a Bible. It's absurd. The book said to not eat pigs. And it's absurd to think that of all the galaxies and all the solar systems and how we only know of this planet having life that like we're somehow special. And we made up a mythical story. Yeah. And someone, a man in the sky is keeping track of all of this. What'd you do down there? Did you just bite a pig? Did you suck somebody's dick? Do you jack off? Big trouble. Yeah. Okay. You fuck your mom. Yeah. Did you eat fish on Friday? Like, all that stuff is just nonsense. Yeah. I don't think God even has time. Let's say that there is a God. He doesn't have time to keep track of all that. There's a lot going on. There's so much more

happening. Especially things like if you do something, let's say self-indulgent. It's kind of selfish and greedy. Maybe it's something mundane, like eating pig. Right. But then there's also fires and mudslides. Pedophilia. Yeah. Yeah. Right now. Genocide. He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Did you have sausage? Put that back down. Right. Well, God doesn't even care about the biggies. All the stuff you just named, the fires and the Holocaust Nazis. He's always like, I hope you guys learn. Free will. That's up to you. Yeah. You better stop being bad. That's where this happens. I'm going to send that hurricane and all those queers. Kill everybody. Yeah. And stop being gay. I hate it. That's one of my main things up here that I hate gays.

Right. I think about it all the time. I made you. I made the possibility that you're gay, but I can't stand it. Yeah. God's a big homophobe. Yeah. He really, really is like, stop it. Yeah. It's really cool. So, so ridiculous. It's just like the gays. I know God. It's just like the gays. That is God. That is God's thing, right? Here's God right here. I have a quote from God. I have come all over my face. Oh my gosh. What? Holy cow. He sent me an mp3. He sent you that? Yeah. So yeah, this lady here has like some pretty strong views. Yeah. If you suck a dick and swallow the ejaculation, you might as well eat you 10 motherfucking peas. If you eat pussy and swallow the fluid from the pussy, you might as well eat you 10 motherfucking peas because the

sperm was made to fertilize an egg and ain't that one of them coming from the goddamn mouth? There you go. Yeah. It is interesting how, I mean, you're taught these rules kind of early if you're brought up in religion. Yeah. And then there is a turning point where you go like, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Why can't I do that? Why can't I eat pork or why can't I have? Because the guy said so. Why is this even like? All the stories make no sense. No sense. And also the idea that there's a book in, even in historical context, human history, it's like 100,000 years old, but we're going to like, but 2000 years ago, they're like, that's when the guy was here. Yeah, guys, it's the right one. And that's when the book was written. And then people are like,

that's the book we all should live our lives based on a book that's 2000 years old. Yeah. You didn't know that? Yeah. Okay. Well, and also there's no- So did all the people before him, were they doing things incorrectly? Yes, obviously. Duh. They didn't know because he wasn't here yet. Well, for what I was going to say. Yeah, it's all fucking so stupid. Here's what I think. This is what God is doing all day long every day. Rup. Rup. Rup. He's just jerking off watching TV. I think we're TV. Do you think every time he comes, it's, that's rain? No, that's really good. Really good. No, because these guys, so his comes got to be, that's the hurricanes. Oh, it's right. Hurricanes, tornadoes. See, that makes a lot more sense. It's a God come

when, when there's a hurricane. Yeah. Or blizzards or something. We should run this by my mom when she's here. I think she would dig it. Yeah, it's interesting too with people. I have a couple of religious jokes in my act right now. Yeah, yeah. Man, it's so funny. Most of the time it goes pretty well, but there's been times when it's gone sideways and it is amazing to me how seriously people take that still. Yeah, well, like I do feel like it is something to do with being really, you're really inundated with it as a child and you kind of have to undo your childish beliefs as an adult and a lot of people don't and you're like, wait, that isn't, or the idea that our Bible is the right one is kind of crazy to say about the conversation I had

with a woman on the plane. No, I don't talk. I don't have those conversations anymore on a plane. So I was sitting there and I don't know. It was pretty mundane stuff. And then I saw I peeked at the cover and it was something about Peter, the apostle. So I go, I said something like good book and she was like, it's really good. Actually, it's really good. And I said, oh, okay. And then I said, so are you, I mean, are you just like studying for educational purposes? Or like, in other words, is this, you know, are you learning something? Or is this like, you just enjoying this? She's like, no, this one, you know, I mean, it's I'm learning, but it's what I, you know, I was, I was looking forward to reading this. And I was like, oh, and then we started talking about

that a little bit. And I kind of, you know, I didn't say anything provocative to her. But then I was like, Hey, do you ever, she said something about, oh yeah, she was like, yeah, you know, it's like when people just like, do you have you accepted Christ as your savior? And I was like, I was I just said, like I was raised. That's what I always say when someone said, I go, I was raised in a Catholic house. In other words, I'm trying to tell them, don't worry about me, like, don't try to sell me. But I'm also not trying to further the I go raised Catholic. She's like, oh, that's good. And or whatever she said, but then she was like, yeah, you know, and it's kind of my mission. They're like, you know, I try to save people before and I go,

well, what do you think happens? I go, if they don't, she goes, then they go to hell. And I go, so you, do you really think that people go to hell if they don't accept Christ? And she goes, yeah. And I said, what about, because there's a lot of people, billions of people that are another religion, like back to what you were saying. And, you know, Muslims, Jews, I go, do you think they go to hell? And she goes, it was a really hard conclusion for me to come to. But yeah. So all Muslims go to hell. And she was like, yeah. And I go, and all Jews, she was like, yep. And I go, all right. I go, have a great trip. Hope you have a blessed day. Yeah. One of your earliest jokes.

But isn't that crazy that this human is walking the world with us? Well, and especially because if you, I mean, Jesus's messages is of love and acceptance, and he accepted the prostitutes and he accepted all the people that, you know, were marginalized in society, but except for those, you know, Jews and Muslims. I mean, I get it. If religion gives you comfort, I think you should have your comfort. For sure. Yeah. And then your message is everyone's going to hell. It's kind of crazy. Kind of contradictory. Yeah. This lady is also a little crazy. She's coming from your personal body parts, disperse and fertilize the egg, which is in your ovaries. Ain't no eggs in your fucking mouth. It's never seen,

lost, and goddamn pleasure. And it all falls under the same umbrella. Umbrella. Yeah, she said umbrella. She added an assillable to umbrella. Umbrella. Umbrella. Umbrella. She did it at the Rihanna way. Umbrella. Umbrella. Umbrella. Umbrella. Umbrella. Umbrella. Oh, man. You know, speaking of religion, though, it's funny because I flew home yesterday from Porkland. Yeah. How was that? Amazed. Amazed. Our audiences are by far the best. We should keep pointing out that these are being recorded at a different pace because of the fucking movie schedule. Excuse me. Because of the goddamn fucking movie schedule. Hello. You're a movie star now. You should have a little more regal of a

vocabulary. No, I'm just letting our listeners know. I mean, I'm thrilled to do the movie, and I always love doing this show. I'm just saying that's why. You're a movie star now. You think you should really clean up? Clean up my act. The voice, the act, everything. So I came out from Portland, which was amazed. The audiences were amazed. You guys are fantastic for coming out. I really do appreciate it. Portland might have the best fucking crowds. Oh, they're just amazed. And they're so, they're so down to have fun. I had, you know, it was great. You guys are doing good. In Portland, for sure. In Portland. Yeah. And I came home and we were texting, and you go, is it weird that I don't give a shit about Easter? Don't give a motherfucking

shit about Easter. And it's Sunday as I'm flying home on Easter Sunday. And I go, neither do I. I could give fucking zero fucks. Yeah. But I honestly think it's twofold for me why I don't like Easter. One, because of the stations of the cross, because in Catholic school, it was like, they didn't focus on the Easter bunny or on the fun or the chocolate. Catholic school is like, and then the suffering Christ. For people that listen or watch this show, we all have different backgrounds. But the kids that grew up in Catholic homes know that, you know, Catholics, if you had real Catholic parents, they had a real, a nice way of ruining childlike fun. Yeah. The fun of it. Just, it should just be Easter baskets and chocolate and eggs. Yeah, they would ruin Christmas

with Christ's suffering and suffering. You're like presents. They're like, it's not about presents. You're like, all right. And then it's not about the fun. We're like, everyone else is talking about presents. Yeah. Well, they're stupid and they're going to hell. And then Easter. Yeah, Easter is like bunny chocolate. Like, well, the real part about Easter is God rose after he was murdered. Oh, I'm four. So yeah. But they really dragged it out when I went to an all girls Catholic school. But you realize that's why we fucking go like, oh, Jesus, because it's, it, they suck the fun, they suck the joy. And we had to walk. I remember our campus was beautiful and they had, they actually did the real stations of the cross and we had to walk around with a nun, you know, sister Anne or

whoever. And then she's like, and this is when Jesus fell again and Jesus falls like a hundred times over and over and they beat them and whipped them and people pointed and laughs. And he had a crown of thorns in his head. The crown of thorns. I remember being a kid and then showing us that on an Easter too. Of course. But I mean, like not in school, I mean, being a young kid, you know, maybe five or six and you're like, have your basket with your Chucky treats. And then they're like, there's an image of, and you're like, what happened? That's Jesus. He rose from the dead today while you're eating your fucking chocolate. And then I remember I had this teacher who had to teach us exactly how the nails got put in. Did you know that they did not? By the way,

it's inaccurate historically that they put the nails through Jesus's palms through the wrists, right? Because that would slide off the cross. If you nailed somebody's palms, it would just tear through it and the person would fall. So they crucified you by nailing it through your wrists. I bet it was cool for them to discover that. I bet back in the Roman times, yeah, they were like, oh, you know, the nail, the weight of his body just slid through his hands. And he still died, but kind of fushed up the decoration we were going for. So what we've done is innovated this whole thing. And we nailed through the wrists and then we nailed through both feet. And they bleed out that way. Works well. Yeah. Okay. So that's one reason I hate Easter. Yeah. The second reason

has to do with... The second reason is my dad. I had this childhood memory. It was right around the age where I was kind of starting to figure out that Santa wasn't real. And I think once that domino falls, all the others do like the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy. And Santa hadn't fallen just yet, but I was starting to catch on. And I remember my dad, I was staying with him at the time. And it was the night before Easter and I were going to sleep and I was like, so dad, the Easter bunny is going to come, right? Like I kept asking him, the Easter bunny is going to come, right? And he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, it's going to come. Like of course, ignoring me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the bunny's coming. And of course, I woke up Easter morning and there was

nothing. Like my dad didn't even buy me like a chocolate, like nothing in the house. And I remember just being like, wait, there's no Easter bunny. He's like, oh, yeah, no, there's no Easter bunny. That's how he told me. How are you? I don't remember. It must have been like around the age where you start to realize. So what's seven or something, seven, right? And then I remember going to my mom's house and just crying because like, I was like, there's no Easter bunny. Does that mean that there's no Santa and there's no... And she's like, fuck. She's like, yeah. And I remember she took me to the store and I bought an etch-a-sketch and that was like my Easter present for the day. Yeah. But like he really fucked up

the biggies for me because he was just lazy. He was like, no, I don't want to buy nothing for you. Yeah. So that's... So that was cool parenting, right? Yeah. But we don't... So here's the thing is that we don't fuck up our kids good time. Do you pull that arm down some? I keep trying. As much as I don't give a fuck about Easter, I made sure that our child enjoyed Easter yesterday. Right. We did an Easter egg hunt for LJ and he got, you know, we didn't do the Jesus stuff to him. Yeah. But you got to do it for your kids, man. You got to do it for your kids. Even though we don't give a shit. I know. No, that's the whole thing. That's what being a parent is.

Right. A good parent. Yeah. I'm just saying that's what being, yes. Right. Like a loving parent. Like us doing that yesterday and hiding eggs and that's us being good parents. But like why? My dad was so selfish. Like why wouldn't you just be like... And I remember him blowing me off like, yeah, yeah, sure, sure. It's going to be here tomorrow. Yeah, yeah. Like it was so dismissive and shitty. Like you couldn't have got... I know you went to the liquor store. I know you went down to the 7-Eleven. You could have got me like a fucking chocolate buddy with your six or a Heineken. I mean, that's just fucking lazy. I'm sorry, Jane. No, I'm fine. I'm just saying it's really lazy parenting.

Yeah. I hear you. Yeah. Could have gone down to the fucking Rite Aid or whatever, CVS. I definitely think most men would fall short if they were... That's true. That's true. You guys have no, but that's not, not this generation. I mean... No, this generation is different though. It is a different, it's a different world. We're also, this generation is much more emotionally aware, generationally, you know? Yeah. I mean, your dad would probably just like, oh, here's your, I don't know. You want steak, buddy? Here's your Easter steak. Yeah, I'd be like, yeah, I like steak. And then he'd be like, all right, I order some chocolates too, but I don't know where they are.

Okay. And that would be your Easter? Probably. Yeah. I mean, the women kind of ran the show. Right. But if your kid says, pacifically, hey dad, Easter buddy's coming tomorrow, you know what that means? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a cute little girl asking you for shit. I mean, come on, Jesus Christ. I'm fucking lazy. If she asked specifically, I'm sure you would try it. It was like I was reminding him. Yeah. So fucking lazy. It's unbelievable. Jesus Christ. You're right. The women tend to keep up the traditions. They do. Yeah. I know it sounds like

I'm being antiquated with this stuff, but it's true. Well, yeah, I'm the mom, so I make sure Christmas looks nice. The house looks nice. Easter. I would never do a decoration. I'll tell you that. If it was just me, not a single thing, you would never know what time of year it was. If you were just dropped into this home, you'd be like, I don't know. Is it March? Is it June? Is it November? You would know no idea. Yeah. No, but I like that you do it. Of course, because I know it makes everybody, it brings joy. Just like at Halloween, I decorate the house. I like to have that stuff. Maybe because my parents were so great at it. You know, I'm just carrying on the

tradition. You're carrying on the circle of fun. Yeah. Just like my ancestors did. We're eating pork. We're getting to have a little pressure. Come. We'll fuck you up on the inside in a long run. Eating big will fuck you up in a long run from the inside. That's why we got AIDS and all this other bullshit out here. But, okay, so the term eating, eating vagina, you're more so licky. You're not really eating it. Well, and you're consuming the shit that comes from the licking. You're consuming the body fluids. You're nasty, motherfucker. No. You're nasty, and then you eat a pork and pee. Okay. I love her. She's good. I wish that was my grandmother.

She didn't have a lot of fun in her youth. My grandmother didn't talk like that at all, but I wish she did. That's why you got AIDS. That's why we got AIDS. Kyle from Oral, licking vagines and stuff. I love it. I think it was butt fucking actually, man. Butt fucking is the medical term. When you butt fuck, you can get AIDS. That's what they say. That's what the doctor says. It's a butt fuck disease. I don't think it's a dick psych disease, so much as a butt fuck. Not down with that pork. No, pork is really a big... The Muslims don't eat the pork, right? By the way, did you see this? You've seen this.

Filthy animal. They're all filthy animals. Cows are filthy too. They all step in their own shit. They'll keep the change of filthy animal. This guy, what is his name? Jamie Lee Parker is a tattoo artist. Oh my gosh. I know what you're going to bring up and I can't believe how good it is. I have a joke in my latest special, which is true about sometimes throughout my life and including recently, people will be like, oh, the cigar is that Japanese? There's a bit about it in the special. I don't want to do the whole thing, but so anyways, I guess people have been commenting and messaging me a lot about it. Are you Japanese? Like I was a joke. People who think it's Japanese are like, ooh, ooh, sounds Japanese.

I'm like, all right, man. Anyways, that's the joke. He did a tattoo on someone. Craziness. That's so good. All right. It's so good. I mean, I will say the detail is like, he really got your face, your nose, your beard, the guy is really, whoever this is, is an amazing portrait artist. He even got the beard colors right. Yeah, like down to the whisker. Yeah, like wear like this white hair right here. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Yeah. And he did 14 hours. Damn. It's a real fan right there. This is so amazing, especially in contrast to that Instagram page. I think it's called sucky tattoos or suck my tattoos. That shit is so fucking hilarious because it's

basically tattoos that were done in 14 seconds. Yeah, it's sucky tattoos. And then the tagline is stop getting shitty tattoos. That's what it says. It's so unbelievable. I'm going to try to pull it up right now and show it to you that people would especially when you see how bad these are, it's like, why would you? This isn't like you paid, you bought a painting. Oh my God. You're you know, you're like, I'm going to hang this up. This is on your body. You know, this is on your body forever. And so hard to commit to something. Oh my God. I mean, that guy says, it just says keep it real. Yeah, that's stupid. I don't know what that's supposed to be. That's misspelled believe in myself. It's B-E-L-I-V-E in myself. Oh shit, that's bad. That says

be live in myself. And this says, what about believing in English? Yeah, I mean, has shit like this. Yeah, it's funny. With the eyes on your ass cheeks. The ones that are really crazy are just like the really poorly sketched one. You know where the line work here, you know, like the outer edge is and then look, they misspelled California and then wrote over it. California dreaming and I mean, look at the font. It's like somebody freehand. You let them Oh my God, that was bad. Look how long the legs doesn't make any sense. Now prison tattoos, I don't think that's fair because it's like that dude's in prison. Oh, you think something's wrong with this guy though or no? I mean, I'm, you think something's wrong

with him? There's no teeth in the mouth, but no, but I mean, like you can't, you can't really rank a prison tattoo. It's like, all right. Oh man. I don't know. Just this, they misspelled two, you know, there's two O's and there's two weird to live too rare. Yeah. Yeah, I thought they, they do a stencil first so you can proofread. Nobody, nobody proofread. Here's no regrets. It's a lot bro. Yeah. Anyways, what a, what great contrast, right? When you see this work, you know, like that somebody paid someone for that and then you have fucking this guy. That's a maze through this. I mean, I think it's crazy. Jamie Lee Parker. Oh, Jamie Parker. Yeah. Where's, do you know where this person is? No, no, I just see it in this email here, but

pretty maze. It's incredible. Yeah. Jesus. He even got your silly eye work. I keep forgetting because I look at it, I see a painting. I keep forgetting that this is on someone's body. That's another thing you have to take into consideration is like that, that's on an angle. Like that's a round surface. I know. It's not even a flat. It's like an arm. But even right now I keep, I keep forgetting as I'm looking at it because I'm looking at the artwork and then I have to remind myself somebody's walking around with that. You know? I know. What if you offend him on your next special? I don't know. He like hates me. Yeah. And he's like, I fucking hate Tom Stoker right now. And someone was like, who, what's he look like?

He was like, well, actually I have a photo like tattoo of him on my body. Jeez. What part of his, is that on his leg you think? Arm? I don't know. I can't tell. It's around. I think that's a leg. Oh, you're right. I think you're right. Yeah. So like, not only does he have to get you in your like, your likeliness, perfect, your likeness, sorry, but he has to do it on an angle. So like, how does he even, how do they fucking learn? How do you learn to tattoo? That's the real thing. That means you got to give a lot of bad tattoos, I'm assuming, right? I'm assuming, yeah, but hopefully most of them are just, you know, not tattooed on someone. Maybe you learned all your bad stuff on paper. Yeah, but then,

but then you can't count for like, you got to practice it. You got to do it on scan, man. And I'm going crazy right now. So I do this regularly. Well, because I freak out. I personally have my own anxiety about beard length and hair length. And I, you know, when it gets to a certain point, you kind of go like, I got to get my haircut today. I got to get my, yeah. Yeah. I get the same way. I feel like I look horrible. You got to do it. There's ugly. And I didn't like this over a week, but I can't touch it myself because I go to shoot more of them. Oh, it has to look the same as it did last time. So I have to go tomorrow and let them do the cut and make sure it matches the earlier stuff. Anyways, it's making me absolutely crazy. Shout out to Plymouth, Minnesota, a suburb

of Minneapolis, and we're in my Twin Cities hat today. And shout out to Zachary Lane Elementary School where I went for one year. Okay. You think a lot of those people are listening? There's definitely someone right now who's like, no fucking way. I went to Zachary Lane. Yeah. I went there for fourth grade and then I went to the Catholic school. I forget the name of fifth grade and sixth grade. Yeah. It's cool that your parents moved you around every year. And then we moved again for seventh grade. I went to Lake Shore Middle School in Maryland. It's bad. It's really bad to do your kids. Your beard, I don't feel like it's that full right now. I know how full it is compared to how I've been wearing it. So do you smell the smells more? Because I know that your beard traps more

smells. A little more. It is a little more trappy. Yeah. Yeah. Now, I will say when your diet was way worse or when you were eating like pizza and stuff, your beard would smell a lot like cheese and stuff more often. Thank you. Yeah. It doesn't smell bad now, but I can tell what you've had, what you've been doing. Remember you came home last time and I sniffed your beard and I was like, did you smoke cigars? Yeah. I can smell that. But I smoked cigars the day before. Right. But it's still in your beard and in your skin and you hadn't showered, right? I'm assuming. I think I had showered. That's why it was amazing. Yeah. I can smell it all in your beard. Yeah. Pretty interesting. Let me go on your hikes. Who knows what happens there? I've been hiking lately. Smelling that beard.

Meeting guys. A lot of nice guys in the mood. I'm having a muscle spasm in the same spot for a couple days. It's not weird. What spot is it? Right here. It's moving right now. What's going on there? You see it? No. Do you feel it right now? I wonder why there? Right here. I don't know. It's interesting. What are we going to talk about? I wanted to bring up that Netflix show you and I got into that beach body show. Oh, where people go to Thailand? Beauty in the beach or something? Yeah. Yeah. Thailand for cosmetic surgery. It's people from New Zealand and Australia who can't afford to have it. I guess done there. And then they go to Thailand for discount major plastic surgery. And I'm talking like removing penises, creating vaginas, face work, major. Oh, yeah.

No job, chin implants. I had no idea how much even the discussion of removing one's penis and testicles would affect me. This is not to belittle or demean or humiliate anybody who does it. I think by all means do whatever you want to do to be happy. I think it's great if that's what you want to do. I'm saying that when the person was consultating with the doctor, I could feel my testes jump. I could feel my asshole go like that. And he's like, yeah, and then we'll remove the penis. I was like, yeah. And then we'll invert everything and make you a vagina. I was like, I couldn't. I was having this visceral reaction to it that I didn't expect at all. It was tough. I know you couldn't watch the whole segment. I couldn't watch that segment. You missed it

because they show the dong in her hand at one point. She's like, yeah, y'all painted. We caught it and he's like, what? What did you just say? I'm enjoying the Thai accent, babe. I can do it now. My mom is my new mom's Vietnamese so I can make fun of Rob. Yeah, it's fine. Yeah, he's Thai. He's Thai. Oh, yeah. So he's your rub, rub doctor. Yeah. It's fascinating. 50, 50, 50. Yeah. I guess there's this poor, there's four women in Australia who her uterus is coming out of her vagina because she had five babies and she has like public health care and they told her she had to wait nine years to get the procedure. So she's kind of a sizable weight, nine years. Jesus Christ. Yeah. How do you tell someone that? Their genitals are one thing. Is it public health care?

That's what she's on. I don't know. I'm not familiar enough with their system. That is one of the big things about public health care in different parts of the world is they will pay for it, but they sometimes are like, you got to come back in years. Gosh. I mean, and in that case, I understand going to Thailand, it's closer for, obviously for Australians. And you get it done and it's a nice enough place. It's fancy. Yeah. And anyway, there's this one lady, because they don't show you, first of all, they don't show you a year later, which is really when you want to see what plastic surgery looks like. That's very true. When the face is relaxed and you see how the muscles have kind of come together and the work that they've done.

So you only see like two, three weeks post-op. And they're all so geeked to have the work done and they're so excited and they're all shiny. And there's this one lady who had a facelift done. No, you tell it. I like you telling it. She had her facelift done, whatever. She's all black and blue, which is normal. And then eyelids all stitched up. Yeah. Faces all crazy. And then she's looking in the mirror. She's like, I look great. And then about 10 days later, swelling has reduced. Oh my God. So brutal. Watch it. I keep thinking about, I was a logger, meaning a transcriber on Home Extreme Makeover. What's the name of the show? Extreme Makeover. Love that show. That was the network version. They would air this show on ABC, I think.

And they would basically take people, bust it as people and give them total makeovers. I mean, plastic surgery, new teeth, hair, new wardrobes, everything. And then, you know, they would have a big reveal and people would be like, what the fuck? It was fun to watch. And they should just have a teeth makeover show because that alone, I remember, would just transform people's lives. The teeth were huge. The teeth were done by a dentist out here. Oh yeah. I remember that doctor. Yeah. Dr. Yeah. Fuck nuts. Kind of a douchebag. Yeah. Big douchebag. And he let us get free whitenings and we went there and then his assistants were like, yeah, that's where they told me they're like, you have like 20 cavities. That story happened to me, by the way. But yeah,

it did later. It happened to me. Same thing. You know, I told that story for a long time. Yeah, but then I went, when I had insurance, dental insurance, this one job, and they're like, you have like 13 cavities. 13 is actually the number that I have. That's my number. And then, I was like, fuck you. And I went to my Hungarian dentist and he's like, you have like one cavity. This is a lie. But this story. Whatever. I'm so, I'm glad it's documented because people have called you out on it. No, it's not. Ask my friend Eric. I was, he was there when it happened. We worked together. So. Okay. Anyway, go ahead. I remember when you worked at America's Most Wanted. I didn't ever do that. I know that much. I know that much. So this lady has like the 10 day,

she's 10 days removed from, from her intensive plastic surgery where there are jamming slides under her fucking face and pulling her, her face back. Anyways, she's like, I'm going to go see the doctor today. And when she says she's going to go see the doctor, her left eyebrow, she's like, I'm going to go see the doctor. I have someone I want to talk to him about. And you're like, I think she's going to talk about that eyebrow. And she goes in there and she's like, there's one thing I wanted to ask you about. I remember you mentioning it. And I didn't realize it was an issue until people kept re-explaining things to me like I didn't understand. Is this a left eyebrow going to come down or is it going to stay cocked like I'm in a permanent state of, huh?

And he's like, it will come down. She had a case of Tom Segura's. Because you got that eyebrow, that's your eyebrow move. She had a case of the meanies. I mean, that shit looked just one. And I remember, dude, right before she went into the doctor, I was like, is her fucking eyebrow higher, dude? I was like, look at that eyebrow. It was slowly creeping up, creeping up. Yeah. And then she's like, is it going to go down? When she's being with him, it looks really bad. It looks horrible. And he's like, it's very normal. It will come down. And I was like, no way, no fucking way. The muscle here is active. I need to relax. You need full body massage. Open your mouth. Open your mouth. Let me put my taste in. They do not. Those doctors are very good.

No, those doctors pioneered the whole, you know, cutting the weaning off surgery. That's what it's called. Yeah. Yeah. Dick up inside you. They created that stuff. That's why they have so many good lady boys there. They innovated that. It's amazing. It's even thinking about it now. It's like, I don't know. You don't want to cut your shmackle off. It's just that like they invert your opinion. Yeah. And so that becomes your canal. Yeah. Somehow you stay with good sensitivity to it. Well, here's how they did it. So they took his scrotal skin, actually, and then they show the nurse plucking the hairs off of the scrotal skin and making it soft, like kind of scraping it. And then that's the skin that they used for the internal

part of the vagina is what I'm understanding. And then the, yeah, and they use the tip of the penis to make the clitoris. Yeah. And then the penis skin, I think is the outer glabia. Isn't that amazing? It's amazing. And I wish they would have shown more detail. No. I have so many questions. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You want to have that done? And what if, while they explain it to you, they're like, Oh my God. So moving along topic wise, you and I went into bar stucks. We dropped feet. We were taking feet to the vet, I think. Yeah. And we were on our way back and I had to go pee in the Starbucks. And when I went to go pee, there was a woman next to me who came in hurriedly,

hurriedly, is that the word? Hurried. Hurried. Kind of in a hurried manner. And she dropped trowel and she had full diarrhea. Yeah. And I have to say in girl world, that is very rare. It's extremely rare. It's as rare as hearing a double pipe classic because generally women don't drop massive brown load in a public restroom. Really? No. So what happens? Like, can you hear a little bit? Oh my God. I heard everything. No, no, normally. Oh, peas. You hear pee? Number one only. And you smell too, though. Sometimes some nasty bitch, you'll hear like, and like a two will slip out like, and then you'll know like, oh, she's she's shitting, but you don't sell them do you hear like the full, then like all of it must be a nice world that you live in because

let me tell you something about the men's room. Yeah. You know, a lot in most places, especially a busy men's room. Like I'm saying multiple stalls. It is a symphony of sounds and it smells like death. I mean, you go to LAX. Yeah. Well, that's yeah. Any major airport, but like those, those bathroom stalls are wrecked. I mean, it stinks too high heaven. Well, at the airport, you know, you've got international dumps, time zone dumps, and you see the fucking travel messes of humanity walking through there. Yeah, garbage, garbage people. Yeah. No, it is. This is like what it's like in the men's room. It's like oh,

but why do guys have no shame and why do women have the shame? Some dudes do. I mean, I had time in my life where I was a little more like, ooh, but like, I don't know. I think guys are just like, I got a shit. What do you want me to do? Help me, son, say, yeah, how do I mean, I usually just shit with reckless abandoned. If I have to shit, I shit. I don't fucking care. But for the other gals listening, how do we get them, how do we get over the hump of, because I feel like I would like that this woman was just going for it. I mean, it was Starbucks. Yeah. They basically serve you bowel torture and then some of them don't have bathrooms. So you've heard an eruption though. I heard diarrhea. Yeah. Very rare. Very rare in the

women's bathroom. You just got to realize it doesn't matter. Doesn't who cares. You got it. When you got to go, you should just let it, let the valve and the farts. I think it's the farts that women don't want people to hear the farts or hear the sounds. Why? It's embarrassing. It's not like embarrassing. There's no one that you can't see the person. That's what I always feel too. It's anonymous and you can wait for that other person. That's what I've done. I've had ones where I'm like, poof, like, and you know, the person that I've heard people go, Jesus, you know, like that. I've heard that before. So if that happens and you're feeling a little timid, you know, but I've also walked out and had people just look right at me and you go like,

you know. Have you ever had someone after you violent shit in public and then they're like, hey, you're Tom Sakura. I know you're a comedian. I've had them say, I've had them say like, hey, yeah, while I'm at a urinal and I've also had it while I'm washing my hands. Like, you know. But not like after you just had a major diarrhea. Not like as I walked out of the stall, but I've had it, you know, washing my hands 30 seconds later. But they know that you just shit is what I'm trying to get at. I don't know. I don't know if they know I just shit. No, I don't think so. Because that would bother me if I took a shit and then they're like, oh, hey, I don't like when they try to shake my hands in the bathroom. That's nasty as fuck. I've had a guy try to shake my hands

when I'm at the urinal. Yeah. Holding your wiener. Yeah. And I'm like, well, I'm a little busy right now. I was like, oh, yeah, yeah. I was going to come see your show, but I didn't. I'm like, thank you. That's always the fun. I was going to see you, but I chose not to. Thank you. All right. Yeah. Yeah. So you remember, I was a few weeks ago. I wonder if I have it in here. There was a guy and he had a proposal. I think, yeah, this is it here. I think about him from time to time. Do you? Yeah. Okay, this is the guy. Yeah, he's a real. I'm Lucas Werner and I want to have kids some day. I'm prepared to offer $1,000 to the woman with similar needs that wants to go out with me to dinner at Churchill's in Spokane. So if this is you,

please post a video response detailing why you want to go out with me. Okay. That's really insane. Yeah. Well, at first, at first we felt bad for him. Like, oh, that guy's nice. Yeah. He kind of was just a douchebag. It went down a pretty shitty hole, but essentially he's like, hey, I'll give you $1,000 to have dinner at a nice restaurant, but I want to have a family with you. I don't know. Anyways, here's another video out. I know he's like, you should be under 25 years old. Here's this adult hottie in my lap right now under 26 right now. No frills, no excuse, big titties and intelligence. I don't care. She's a hood rat punk rock or any kind of anything. As long as she's hot and here right now on my 37 year old dick right now, right now, right now,

right now, right now, right now, right now. He's high as fuck. You think so? Yeah. I think everything's worked out. It's on me beat me. He's like that level of mania. I think he just came from Churchill's and he's just full of steak. He's like, I enjoyed dinner, but I want something to top it off. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Again, you don't have to express this feeling. You can feel it. You just don't have to share it. Well, when you're high on cocaine or whatever it is, you're not really thinking clearly. That's true. I bet he's coked up. His eyes are kind of wild, Yeah. He's not doing so well, but this is when you make videos like this, when you're on drugs. Try it out. Oh, for sure. I mean, I would argue that the majority of videos we play are on drugs.

Most people are high on cocaine. Probably you're just never having anything as everybody else gets laid. The gray-haired beers use the research on telomerase. Look at those pupils that dilated. And then you just go with that hoe. Why won't you go with me? I don't need that question answered. I need right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now. After $3,000 of giving food away to the homeless, I think I deserve it. I think I'm entitled bloke and I think that I deserve it now. I'm not going to believe in your God earning nonsense. I'm not going to believe in Satan either. I just want to hear right now, right now, right now, right now, right now. This is a good one for Dr. Drew. I was literally just putting this on the

Dr. Drew list. Yeah. I think he's going to say drugs, but I think he's also going to talk about mental illness. In that first video, I didn't think he was mentally ill. I just thought he was kind of a snobbish. Yeah. I thought he was kind of a narcissist. I'm going to go with the double hitter of cocaine as drugs and mania. He might be bipolar. There's some kind of an episode happening here. Well, that's definitely one for Drew. Yeah. Hold on. There's a little bit more. Let's see what else this is. We need to get rid of this atrobia from chicks under the age of 26. Because of telomeres research, the father is 35 to 55, the kid will live longer, have longer telomeres, the intelligence more fitter. We need to get rid of it like we need to get rid of incest

and pedophilia. We need to get rid of it right now. Get rid of what? Did you catch that? No. He said we need to get rid of something at the beginning. We need to get rid of this atrobia. Agephobia. He looks like the incredible Hulk right now. Yeah. The choice to go shirtless in a video is always a bold one. It's always an indicator. Yes. We've seen that many times. Background, lighting, all these things. 10 to 12. Benadryl is shirtless. Try it out guys, shirtless. Right. There's a lot of... There's a repetition here. There's consistency with shirtless. You know who doesn't post shirtless? Former president, CEO's. Yeah. Just anyone not high. I mean, look at those pupils. Boo. Yeah, they're pretty big right now.

He's really in a mania. Oh, you're only having sex, you're telomerase abundant. You're just going to get stressed and anger and to make everybody depressed and stressed and angry. As you roll with the guy and just go flying later in life, you have cancer. I want to hide in my lap right now, right now, right now, right now. Eighteen-year-old big tit doesn't matter the subculture. Right here, right now, and so can right now to go out with me on a date right now. He just went from 26 to 18. Did you notice that? Yeah, the age keeps getting lower. Under 26 originally, and then he goes 18. I'm like, whoa, that's a jump. He's jumped eight years. Eight years. Eighteen-year-old big tit doesn't matter the subculture. Yeah. Now, right now,

right now, right now, right now, right now, right now. That's kind of, you know, that could be a good jingle. Right now, right now, right now, right now, right now. Like, that could be like, are you hungry? Get a Jimmy John sub. Right. Now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now. You might have written a jingle. You're right. Very good, Tom. Good work. Your car doesn't run, change the toilet on its own. Come on over to Jimmy, Jiffy Lou. Right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now. I like the angry one he does halfway through. Right now, right now, right now, right now. He's really in a place, that guy. Tax day's almost here. Have you been to H&R Block? Give us a call. Right now, right now, right now,

right now, right now, right now. Pretty good. Summer's coming up, Royal Caribbean. Take the cruise that you'll remember for a lifetime. Right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now. That's great. You're right. He has a whole career he's not even looking into. Don't wait. Go to stamps.com before you do anything else. Click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in mom. Now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now. We're going to have to use him for our ads besides try it out. We've got the right now guy. Download this latest episode of your mom's house podcast. Now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now. 50 times down left and right. Make sure your sword gets sharper

and you come whenever you have control. Now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now. He's surprised. Pretty good. I want to psycho. He's a good ad guy. He is. He's the ad man. Who knew? Yeah. Well, yeah. You know, Tommy. You know something, Tommy. Speaking of mental illness, how about this person? The video seems like it staggers a little bit. I don't know what that's all about, but check out this lady here. I am a soul fork. What that means is from non-physical energy. So most people in the planet, there are non-physical energy that is projected forth into a physical human body. I am non-physical energy that is projected forth into an Arcturian body, an extraterrestrial body. I'm listening. I like to hear more. Oh, okay. Lucky for you.

That extraterrestrial being has chosen to then project forth as a human body 12 times. This is the 12th incarnation. It's quite funny, ironically, because before I even came down, there was an entire panel of beings, Arcturian beings, six dimensional beings who even chose the way I would look in this life. See, I just, I'm also kind of fascinated where you acquire the vocabulary to speak like this. Arcturians. You know, I've heard this before, actually. But she has, it's not just one word I'm saying. You know, she's able to speak freely with some command of basically language most people don't use. Yeah. It's a glossary of nonsense. Yes. That's a great title for your next album. I love it. Yeah. Yeah. It's like,

how does she come, how did they, I guess all these weirdos that buy into this shit, or she's read some weird. She read some bullshit book about, you know, the seti, whatever, messages of extraterrestrials. You know, there's a whole subculture. And if you want to go full circle on this episode, it's basically no different than the Bible. It's just a bunch of nonsense with stories of like, what, who did what now? What are you talking about? It's the same thing. It's the same thing. Kind of. Would you like to know why? So I came down here with the intention of reaching people on every single continent. You mean like Jesus? Human beings, they like to pay attention to what's attractive, right? But based on where you are geographically,

certain things are attractive and certain things are unattractive. So a really beautiful woman down in Africa might come up here to the US and be considered pretty ugly. Why is that down there? Why is we up? Why are we up there? Have you seen the continent of Africa on the map? It's not all down there. No, well, in her mind, there is this flat. Even before I came here, it's not like my looks are so gorgeous to one demographic over another demographic is that there will not be a person on the planet regardless of what country you go to that does not perceive some level of attractiveness. Thus they'll pay attention. She basically just said I'm attractive to anyone, to everyone on earth. Oh, okay. I like,

I didn't want to devote the mental energy to figuring out what horseshit she's talking about. She said that she, like I tuned out halfway through it. I was like, I don't know. She said I'm attractive to everyone on earth to some degree. That is what this person just said about themselves. Cool. I'm attracted to everyone. It's too bad she's not 18 to 26. We could set her up with a $1,000 state guy. They seem like a couple of delusional people. At the very least, it would be a good way for her to make $1,000. Hey, that's money in my pocket. But she might not be under 26. No, no, she's too old for him. Think so? How old do you think she is? You're better at this. 32? Oh yeah, she's way too

fucking old. One foot in the grave. I am a sole fork. What? This is the 12th incarnation. Oh, wow. Yeah. Those are drugs, right? Those drugs? Yeah. Or maybe she's just sick. I also think there's just people that are so wounded and they really just need something to believe in, like aliens and incarnations and spiritual forks. I am a spiritual fork. Okay. Okay. Hey, man, it's your world. You got it. Yeah, go for it. Fucking bullshit. Speaking of spiritual forks, I was in the airport and I saw a woman wearing house slippers, like fuzzy house slippers. Yeah. And it's actually not the first time I've seen that. I've been seeing a trend of young girls wearing house slippers out. It's kind of a thing now.

Yeah, I've seen that a lot more. Right? A lot more. It's not the open tonus because somebody commented like, oh, do you hate feet? Is that what you're... I was like, no, it's not the feet. It's that these shoes are not meant to be worn out in the streets. They're flimsy. Sometimes they're covered. They have an open back. Sorry, which one? Sometimes slippers just have an open back. That's what these were. These were like fuzzy slippers, like old school 1960s fuzzy slippers. So there was no heel. It was just like a shitty... It's a trend. It's a shitty flip flop. I see a lot. Not even a flip flop. It's got that one bar. So your toes are exposed. Your heel is exposed. It's really not a supportive shoe. It's a crummy sole. Yeah. I've seen all different versions.

I've seen the sandal version where you see the whole foot, but it's just covered. It's like fuzzy. But I've also seen the house slipper. In other words, your foot slides into it and open back. Open back only. But it's clearly a slipper. But I think it's just... I think it's a fad where the fad is the more that's meant for home, the more you're seeing it out. Yes, I'm seeing that. It's almost like it's a statement. This is such relaxed wear that I take it out because that's how chill I am. I wear my PJs and my slippers when I'm out. And I saw a lot of boys wearing pajama bottoms, like straight jammies. Oh yeah. I'm like, dude, really? Jeff Tate did stand up in them a few weeks ago. No, he didn't. He wore pajama bottoms on stage. Yeah. Well, it's Jeff Tate.

Yeah. He could pull it off. Yeah. I'm just saying that's how relaxed he is. He's that guy though. You'd believe that he just rolled out of bed and did stand up. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, look at his diet. Look at his whole... He brought Gatorade on stage too. He did. Gatorade and hot dogs. No hot dogs, but he did bring Gatorade. You know what I remember about that week that he stayed with us? Hot dogs and Gatorade. Besides, when we lived next door to 7-11, that's all he ate. That's how we got that to say. Excuse me, is that when he would drink the red Gatorade, he would have a ring around his lips of red and in his beard. The color would bleed into his beard too. Yeah. So that was kind of a neat bonus with the Gatorade drinking. Gatorade for life.

And he had the full sugar, not even like the G2, which is what you like to get when you're sick. You get like the lesser sugar Gatorade. If I have like serious diarrhea, then I will have some electrolytes. Let's go electrolytes. The G2. But I don't drink it regularly. I don't like drinking it regularly. No, we have it as an emergency for when you have diarrhea. Diarrhea. Diarrhea. Yeah, like Chicago. Diarrhea or Chicago. The funniest thing is we were joking about Chicago ones. Yeah. About like as a nickname for it. And I kind of laughed at it and didn't really, you know, I just made it like, oh, you have a joke name. And then I went to the airport and this lady, it's a lady in the United terminal. If you fly United out of LAX,

she's a black lady in maybe her somewhere between 45 and 55 and she wears sunglasses, but they're clearly like prescription sunglasses, but she wears them at the gate. So you, you, she stands out because you're like, that woman has sunglasses on. And she was like, fly 15, 28 to Chicago is bored. And now she said it. And I was like, oh, yeah. What? And anyways, I saw her a couple of weeks ago and I said, is there a flight to Chicago? She goes, Chicago goes out of gate 57. Yeah. Yeah. I approached her and said, Chicago and she Chicago was at 57. Yeah. Well, I hear, I've heard lots of people say Chicago. I think I didn't really pay attention. Are you serious? Oh, because that's, that's one of the

first ones that I really, I mean, I saw her do it over a year ago, but I wasn't really key on Chicago. Oh no, I've heard it. It's very prevalent. It's a common thing. People say Chicago. Oh yeah. I've heard Washington. Washington. I've heard that too. That one is like, wait, what? That's terrible. And Houston. Houston. Yeah. Yeah. But Washington is like, it's unforgivable. It's not Washington. That's when you cancel a friendship. For sure. Someone's like, I'm going to Washington. Washington. What? No, you stupid fuck. It's not Washington. It's not Chicago. Chicago. Why do you, why are you throwing an heart in there? Why? People do. But why? Why are you adding a letter that's not even remotely close to it? And you

know what? What I hate too is people who call San Francisco Frisco. Yeah. Because the natives do not fucking call it. It's just terrible. Frisco. And no one says that. When you live up there, it's San Fran. Yeah. But you never say Frisco. It's fucking rookie time. Yeah. No, that's, yeah, it's not, it's not how you do it. San Francisco. Going to Frisco. 69ers. The 69ers, the football team. Yeah. You know, fricking Frisco. I can't wait to go to Frisco again. April 29th, I'm going there. You're going there. April 29th. When are you going there? I don't have it. Well, I do have it on the books. I'm not allowed to announce it yet, but it's not for a while. But I did, I did lock down date. I'm almost sold out for Cubs.

And Frisk Mandisco. Frick Farks Mandisco. Yeah, I'm going to go. I love that city. April 29th. That's when the jizz will flow in the streets. The cum comes out at nine. Cubs come, company club. Do you think God will rain, come on everybody who goes to my shop? That's the way of thanking them. Just your, just me, just my audience. I'm Peyton Lafferty and I'm a ball hog. You are Peyton Lafferty. I keep thinking about the name Peyton Lafferty. Yeah, I looked her up and I couldn't help but look her up. And what's her career? Tell me everything. I mean, she's done more than that video. Yeah. Well, what's her, what's her genre? She just does her job. Well, what is she into?

Double anal? I mean, I think she's just your run of the mill. Like, what do you need to do? What do I need to do today? Kind of the handyman? Like the guy just does all the job. She's a ham and anger. Like she just goes to work, you know, gets her job done. She's like, hey, tonight there's a double headed dildo in you. Sure. Then there's a couple guys, you know, banging you tomorrow. Then you need to hook up with a girl on Thursday. And she's like, all right, I'm here to work. So her agent is like, by any means necessarily, kind of. She didn't strike me as, I mean, I just kind of looked at a run. It wasn't like the most intense thing you've ever heard of. Do you want me to look at a list or something?

She's like a day player. Yeah. Now, because I'm wondering, do these girls, she's kind of all over in genres, but do women generally choose Elaine? Do you know how Bella Donna is like, you know, she's rough. Like she'll do a baseball. There's a Reddit thread about us talking about her. Payton Laffer Day. Laffer the ball hog. Payton Lafferty. That's a good name. Payton Lafferty. I wish she'd think of my show business. Yeah. I don't think she, I mean, according to this thing here, she did a few different things. I don't want to pull up a porn thing on our screen. Is there such a thing as like a porn star Wikipedia? Kind of. This thing took us there. You can see their IMDB and stuff. Oh, you can,

yeah. Yeah, there is. Yeah. But this one here, I think you can get away with showing it. See what you see. I'll put a Laffer Day. Right. Like you see. Okay. Here we go. Cutie Payton Parker, but it says, oh, is that who that is? Payton. Yeah. Come hungry. Payton Lafferty outside sucking hard dick. Payton Lafferty bouncing her bubble butt on a hard cock. So it's pretty run of the mill. There's nothing sucking dick. This is the category. Small tits. Hardcore anal. Yeah, it's pretty run of the mill. That's what I was saying. Yeah. Deep ass screwings. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, you know, she did her thing. Stuff like that. But I think she'll always be remembered as a ball hog. I feel like she, that site says she retired. What? Yeah, no longer in the game. I don't know.

She's so young. Is she her career just beginning? I think she's, no, she's in her 30s. Oh, it's important. That's, yeah. You're 60s. You ready to do your gulf porn and Kimman scenes? I'm a grandma. 60 plus. She loved pornography. She loved Kimman. Yeah. Oh, yeah. She's one of the real dealers. Plus. Plus. Plus. Where's she from, Kimman? What was she? Time. Now was it time? Was she time, Kimman? I don't remember. She, she definitely says it in that one video we used to play. I am from Thailand. Yeah, I think so. I have. Hi, I'm Kimman. And I'm here to film. And this is such a beautiful villa. Villa. We're sitting with the first time of my ever experience in my life with two young men. And they have big hard cock to offer me. This villa is really quaint place.

And it's really, really comfortable with a lot of artifacts inside the house, as well as outside. Speaking of artifacts. Do you think the viewers want, do you think that the men watching are super stoked to hear about the artifacts? Probably. Probably. A lot of art collectors and. We watched all the money in the world last night. Great. How funny was that? I felt asleep halfway through it. But one of my dear, dear good friends, Mark Wahlberg is in it. And sorry, just talking about who my friends are. I'm just one of my good friends. So anyways, one of my buddy Mark's in it and. He's kind of out of shape. Yeah, I'm going to tell him. Not really in shape. I'm going to tell him you're getting fat again. Who plays the mom?

Michelle Williams. Oh, she's great. Guys, she's so great. She's great in it. This is the infamous film that Kevin Spacey last shot. And then about 50 days, it was shot ready to go, ready to be released 47 days before its release. This, the, it comes out that he's trying to fuck or accuse the fucking teenage boy underage boys. And he's a huge person, allegedly allegedly harassing people, allegedly going after underage guys for a long time. Anyway, that, that's the storyline. They go, we can't do this movie with Kevin Spacey. It's all ready to go. It's edited already. So then Ridley Scott, the director says, I'm going to reshoot all of his scenes. This is an already completed film. So crazy. And he cast Christopher Plummer as the reshoot.

So they have to bring in actors that he's obviously in scenes with and reshoot those again. In those scenes, girl boy, boy girl. Right. But isn't that amazing? So what they did was the editors sent the edited, the scenes with Spacey to set and they would see how they were lit, see how they were blocked, shot, everything. And then they would mimic, they would go to the same space that they just had and they would reshoot it basically exactly the way they did before, but with Christopher Plummer instead of Kevin Spacey. It's crazy. The thing, of course, that's amazing is that even though Spacey is a bigger star than Plummer, I mean, you watch Plummer in it and he's actually an elderly man playing an elderly man, which makes sense as opposed to,

Spacey was all in makeup to make him look older. But the character was amazing. It was based on the real John Paul Getty who was a infamously wealthy and stingy man and he had such, like there were some things we were really laughing at. Like, as I'm sure a lot of rich people experience, they get letters about people's hardships and want to know if the rich person can help them. So this, you know, they're in the movie, he has his grandson reading him a letter that someone wrote, Dear Mr. Getty, you know, my brother needs a liver or he's going to die and I would hope that you can help us out. God bless. And he's like, he dictates to his grandson. He's like, right, dear so-and-so, if I gave money to everybody that asked for help, then I'd be destitute like you.

That's so funny. That made us laugh so hard. What a shithead. I'd be poor like you. Well, you'd be a poor son of a bitch like you. And you know what? One of the things, I mean, that necessarily didn't necessarily happen. But in real life, when his grandson was really kidnapped and the kidnappers did demand ransom, he wouldn't pay his own grandson. And you know, in the movie, they have him saying things that he probably really said, which was like, I'm not paying that. And they go, even when his guy that works for him is like, you know, it's a drop in the bucket to you. And he's like, no, because if this thing doesn't work out, I'd be exposed. I don't really have any money to spare. Things like that. Or he had a pay phone

in his house for guests. For guests. That was great. Yeah, that's real. That's real. He had a real pay phone so that you wouldn't make long distance calls on his dime. And then he would do his own laundry by hand and hang it up in the hotel room. That was amazing. It's such an interesting personality trait to have so much money. He had billions of dollars and yet he wouldn't spend it. I wonder what's going on. He did spend, I mean, he lived this very luxurious, I mean, the homes and they were outrageous, you know, and he was perhaps the greatest art collector in the world. I mean, you look at the Getty Museums now and it's unbelievable what was in his personal collection, but he wouldn't spend it on, he'd spend it on art,

but not on, you know, laundry services. I mean, like little conveniences like that. I mean, see to me that's the only reason to have money. That is the reason. Can you park closer? Yeah. And, you know, it adds 25 large park here. Okay. Can I not do my own laundry? Like that's, that's fantastic. That's why you have money. You don't have to do all those annoying things in life. He, yeah, it's gross when someone's that rich and is pinching it that hard. Oh my life. Billionaire. I don't like that at all. I don't like that either. What's the point, what do you, what do you do with all your money? I hate, I hate what I hear. I mean, I guess I like cars, but I also hate when I hear about rich guys driving like whack-ass cars and

like the fuck is wrong with you. Yeah. Well, you love cars. I know, but this one's, it's really reliable. I get great mileage. Like you're rich. The fuck are you doing, man? Live a little. I know, I get upset when I hear rich people not spending money on like education for their kids or they're like, who's sending kids to public school? I'm like, yeah, but in California and a nice, I know that some public schools are great, but where we live, it's really not fantastic for the most part. It depends on your neighborhood, but it's like, dude, just spend the money if I can send your kids somewhere nice. If it's a, if it's, I hate that. Well, it depends on which, uh, what part of the country and what, what, you know. Yeah. No, I know, I know, but I'm saying that

there's a, I'm thinking of a specific family that we know. Yeah. One of the best schools I ever went to was a public school. Yeah, but that wasn't California. That's true. We're like the bottom of the barrel of that shit. There's definitely got to be some good ones here. New York is good. No, there's some like regional. Yes, obviously, but yeah, I don't fucking know. That's my, I actually wish I could have gone to that school for a minute. What about, what about people that don't fix their teeth to have all the money in the world? That's fucking crazy. We see people, we know people like that. Yeah. So it's, it's nuts. I know where you're like, you don't want to, it's what everybody sees. This is the first thing they see. Your fucking dirty mouth. Yeah. Fix it. Get your

toothies fixed. They're colored and there's holes in there. It doesn't look like you know how any of it works. I have to call, by the way, our dentist when we get. Why? What's going on? Because I need, I need to go back. I need to get a cleaning. This is my personal dental thing going on. I need to get a new, uh, mouth guard. Oh my God. You're, oh my God. It's not like your sister. Seriously, your mouth guard. You said, I sound like a sister. Then you said, say it's like, just like my sister. I know. Yeah. Uh, you need a new mouth guard. That thing is, it's been through the ringer. It's looks like, looks like it's been thrown in the toilet. It's like,

right? Remember that time, feet chewed on it. Yeah. Well, that was another one though. And that was, that was not the one made at the dentist. That was like the, the, uh, that was my favorite. We were like in Houston together at a hotel room with FIFO and I'm like, what is he chewing on? Did you give him a treat? I was like, jerk. So you gotta get your cleaning. I would recommend getting another whitening, whitening for you. I just did mine. Yeah. Again. So, Jesus. So listen to this. This is actually very fascinating. My whole life I've had a sensitive tooth issue. I've got one tooth that's particularly sensitive to temperature and to sweets. Oh, is it that brown one over there? Oh dear you. And I got into these Italian cookies a couple

of weeks ago, Italian, Italian cookies, these chocolate wonders. And I started eating them and it started to hurt. Okay. Okay. And I go, fuck, I got a cavity. This is it. This is it, dude. So I make an appointment. I go in there and he goes, I think you're grinding your teeth. I'm like, what are you talking about? He goes, yeah, you're grinding. It's not a cavity. It's just that you're grinding it down so hard with your bite or whatever that it's just, it's eroding the enamel and it's very sensitive. So he shaved down. Uh-oh. Uh-huh. It was so gnarly. He shaved. Do you feel like? Yes. Oh, so horrible. It was so, and he kept doing it and doing it. I'm like, okay, that thing that's good. And he just arranged my bite. Like he shaved off my bite.

And now it's gone and it's been like two weeks and it's perfect. And I'm like, why have no dentist ever suggested that before him? I've had this problem for 15, 20 years, the sensitive tooth. Yeah. Nobody's thought so. Our dentist is really brilliant, I have to say. Not a good personality. He's not a personality champion like I am, but he's definitely an amazing dentist. Well, there you go. I like the guy actually. I like him. I think he's got the personality of an undertaker to quote our uncle, our uncle Bill. Uncle Bill. Yeah. No, he's not. Yeah. He's not like, I got a good story for you. No, he's a terrible personality. He does, he does a good job. He does a great job. We got this email

that says, Hey, mommy's, uh, sorry for the length, but this one has it all. I'm in the army. I moved to a new post, um, busy. And because of that, I haven't seen a dental professional in a while. And then about a month ago, I went for a checkup. I'd known that my teeth aren't perfect. Um, I had my last checkup about 18 months ago, but I was, uh, I was not prepared when the army dentist told me I had five cavities all needed to be filled. Needless to say, I was shocked, made the appointments, haven't taken care of, but I got suspicious when I told some friends about the situation who told me this particular army dental clinic is notorious for misdiagnosing patients. So they can give their dentists more practice at filling in cavities.

Multiple people told me the same thing, leading me, leading me to believe there is something going on at this place. Keep in mind, I went anyways for the next appointment, hoping to at least get a second opinion. The new doc said he agreed with the previous assessment of the five cavities began performing on the first one. And that's when he noticed an oddity in one of my upper teeth and realized that another army dentist from my previous base had tried to plug a cavity by taking a quote aggressive angle into my tooth and he inadvertently killed the tooth. What started as a filling changed into a surprise root canal. No. According to the dentist, this tooth was full, this tooth was full of necrotic tissue. And when he was cut, when it cut into it,

it was not bleeding. Instead it was dry and black. The dentist carved out what he could, gave me a temporary crown, which I had for a week until I got the root canal finished. I am now in the process of going to five more appointments to get the cavities filled in a new crown. Despite all the shitty treatment that got me here, it's been paid for by the US army. So I guess I can't complain. F all the haters, piss on me, beat me, Danny. Danny, you can still complain. Yeah. That's pretty brutal. You lost the tooth, bro. Yeah. I'm so sorry to hear that. Well, the flip side of this, of course, we got another message from our listeners said, I wanted to offer a dental update from my small corner of the Midwest after hearing countless

stories of dentists telling people they had fake cavities, just to pry more money out of them. I was skeptical about getting my tooth of his checked out, but after getting insurance again and a constant berating from my triple D slot wife, I decided to go again. I'm here to give a shot to family dentistry. Really took our, St. Joe, Missouri as they can scan your, yeah, they scan your pearly whites, looking for impurities. The X-rays, they are seeing show up in real time in front of you on a screen. No secret telling you you have 18 cavities when you have two. That happened to me once. Not that I had any, he says. I've done the root canal thing never again. Even though I listened to Tom's appearance on JRE while the root was

being canaled. I'm back to twice a year. I couldn't be happier. These porcelain tufuses feel great and look great. Please come to Kansas city so I can see my main mommies in person. Distance only makes the heart grow fonder. Piss on me and beat me, Kevin. Piss on me, beat me, try it out. It's a really nice way to sign off for everybody. Have all the haters. Yeah. Just so people know, I don't know if I mentioned earlier, but there will be a new, and I quote, new bit of merchandise next week, and I'll just give you a little hint. Try it out. Be out there. It's very exciting. That one's good because it's not dirty. No, I mean, not anybody can try it out. Yeah, you can say it. It's like,

it can be whatever you want it to. It doesn't say, beat me. It's like a work friendly shirt. It's like a Friday shirt. Yeah, just like listen to podcasts. You know what you should do? Try it out. It's very life affirming. Yeah, positive. Yeah. So, but anyways, we're, you know, we're huge, huge advocates of dental care. And that's why do this segment. I want you to get on me about making, no, I got to make this appointment. I've been talking about it. When's the last time you had a cleaning? That's been about six months. Probably eight months now actually. So, are you supposed to go every six months? We should go before our baby jeans arrives because you know all the time. Oh yeah, no, that'd be months more.

No, I need to make the appointment now. I need to make it now. I've been in and out. I go back to the A to shoot more scenes. When I'm done with that triple gang bang, I'll get back and I'd like to get my two fees cleaned. Yeah, you got to do it when you've got a stretch of time at home because you never know what they're going to find and then, you know, okay, we'll get for you. All right guys, get your teeth looked at. You want to see some wild shit? This guy who also, Dr. Drew, could give an evaluation. Oh, okay, I'll put that on the list. Goes into Burger King. Burger King. And he kind of starts some shit. Now look at that though. Oh, so he is talking shit, knocking shit off the counter.

And I think he just pushed a register off the counter. That's a pretty aggressive move. Okay. He's got a thing on his leg, like a brace. You know, he's being all aggressive. I know. That dude just clocked him hard. Yeah, good. Well, he needed it. Okay. He needs to calm the fuck down. Hold on a second. Oh my God. He's standing on his head. Yeah, he's got a good reason to. Jesus Christ. I say, stay on that fucker's head. Did you hear what she said? No. She said, get up. I'm going to tase his ass. Yeah, she should. Good. Good for her. Crazy motherfucker. Good.

Yeah, he's crazy. He's out of control. Somebody just came. Oh, she just kicked him again. Yeah, I don't know how funny this is, Tom. What part's funniest to you? Were you getting tased or kicked? Well, it's just that he's getting it because he deserves it. He went in there and started some shit and then stranger, like that guy that just came in and slapped him doesn't work there. He's just a patron that was like, oh, I can get in a slap too. So she just, first of all, it's one thing if you act out and then like, like that first guy punched him because he,

he shoved him first. It's like, all right, now he's laying on the ground and someone's like, hold on. I'm going to tase him. Like he's already down. So she goes to tase him and then she gets in a little tase and then this guy comes in and she just slapped him. And she just kicked and tased again. I do think the slap was unnecessary, the head slap. It was, it was, that was a bonus slap. It was a bonus slap. He didn't need that at that point. Not entirely, but you can justify it for I definitely think the taser was good. That was a good move on her part. Tase is dumbass. Good girl. Get him again. This guy's out of his fucking mind. Yeah, get out of

there asshole. Good for them. You gotta defend yourself. Oh look, and he has something out. He just, this is his, this thing here at the end. He just grabbed something there. Oh my God. Something like he parked there. Can you see what it is? I don't know. Like a wheelchair or a little wheelie thing for, oh yeah. He's got like a scoot scoot for his leg. Oh yeah. He's got a scoot scoot. This motherfucker has a scoot scoot and he starts shit. And he starts shit in Burger King. He's crazy. Wow. That's pretty wild. Yeah. Well, I love it. Fucking dipshit. That was great. Start some shit. That made my day. I don't know if I feel the same way, but I mean, I just wish he hadn't done that in the first place, I guess. I mean, you know, you go into Burger King, someone says

you go into Burger King on one leg, yelling, push it off the counter. Start talking shit, get in people's faces. How do you think it's going to go? Right. Like, is that a good idea? I'd be like, hmm, you know, that'd be so retarded. I don't think I would do that. You know, so he's definitely started some shit. He's definitely starting some shit. Crazy person. Yeah. That's completely unnecessary. Well, good for them. They defended themselves. Like I could have gone way, way crazier too, man. Somebody wrote to us. You want to answer that? Why don't dogs have to wipe? I have a question for you, mommies. Why do dogs not have to wipe their ass after pooping? But humans do. Justin from Portland. Yeah. Well, I don't know. I don't know because I actually

think our dogs need a wiping sometimes because we've actually had to wipe Bitsy's pooper after a shit. So they kind of do sometimes. I'm guessing because their glands, their anal glands are stronger maybe and they're able to pinch it. It really comes off right. Yeah. But like I've said, we've had the butt stamp on several pieces of furniture in this house. So it's, remember, Fief used to do it a lot back in Redondo. We had a carpet that I got from like some cheapy place, IKEA or something. It was covered in dog shit. Hey, that means my brother, sister-in-law and I were wondering what you thought about which of a conjoined twin pair would have to push to poo. I'm personally horrified by even

entertaining the subject, but I'm sure we are not the only curious ones about the question. I mean, Mommy Tina tore it up in SLC. Best show I've ever seen at Wise Guys ever and way to go. Thank you. Thank you for the compliment. Well, that's an interesting question. They're saying who initiates the push when they're, when they're conjoined. But from what I've seen from the interviews with conjoined twins, all those questions about who does what, it's one of the phenomenons of what happens. It's neither one. They both do it at the same time. So you're telling me they both feel the urge to shit. Yeah. And they both just, it's just saying like, how do you know which leg to put in front? Like who goes first? It's just, it just happens automatically. Yeah. So there's

some things like you just have an automatic body. Yeah. Because they share those organs. And then who initiates masturbation? That's a, that's the same thing. It's like, I feel like coming and the other ones like me too. And then they just go for it. Yeah. Some of those hoes are married. Those co-joined. Yeah. Those co-joined thoughts are married. Yeah. Thoughts. That's stupid. That's an old one. Even I know that one. That's silly. It's true. They are married. Do you think so? No, they are. One of them's married and the other one's not. I think two of them got married. How the fuck. So that guy marries both of them then. You're not married one. Oh hell no. Yeah. And then when she's just along for the whole marriage

ride. Yeah, of course. That's how they live their life. That's terrible. So what if she doesn't want to be married to that guy? Because she's married that guy too. No, they, they both have their own husbands. Oh God, you're just blowing my mind right now. Yeah. So they all say good night, good night, good night, good night. And then those guys end up being like, hey man, all the time. Who's going to fuck her? But do they have one vagina or two? One. Yeah. Stop it. So the guys take turns. It's like my night. Yeah. It's my night. Sometimes they go in there together. No, they don't. Sure they do. No, they don't. It's like a Peyton Lafferty bit. Yeah, they do. She doesn't do DPs. I didn't see that. She doesn't do DPs,

double vads. I'm sure our audience will inform us of whether or not she's done a DPs. Oh, I know. There's a lot of experts out there. I can hear them typing right now. Peyton has in fact done a DPs. It was released March 8th, 2000. Guys, get your information straight. You guys are not fact checking on this. Yeah, we know. It's Peyton's thing. We need to know the truth. We want to get down to the real story. Peyton Lafferty. Is she Irish? I am Peyton Lafferty. I am Peyton Lafferty and a ball hog. It's too bad she's in retirement. I feel like we just boosted her career. You know what I mean? I know. I would have her in studio just to talk about that clip that day, had that feel to be a ball hog. What was I like?

What was it funny to you when they told you about the, you know. I mean, those poor women, because those dumb things they have to say, and men actually, there's all these silly things. I mean, you've got to be able to sell those, those stupid dialogue, just like on any, you know, TV show or thing you're doing. Oh, sit those balls. Yeah. Yeah, like, it's all part of showbiz. About this. What's up, Mr. High and Mrs. Tight? Big ol' fan of both of you. Notice y'all burp sometimes on the podcast. Yeah. Yeah, I can't do that for as long as I can remember. I rarely burp. I've tried many times. Please. Friends have described how to do it and nothing. I can't drink a lot of beer at a time because of it. I just get full. When it happens, what happens is I will

burp maybe once or twice a month, and even then they are always puny little wimpy burps. This means the odds of me being blessed with a double pipe classic, extremely rare, it makes me sad. Now when it comes to farts, oh my God, do I fart a lot? My gut is a toxic waste plant. Anyway, just thought I'd let you know, keep up the good work, Gene's salute, Jake. Well, yeah, I think you just nailed it, right? Yeah, it's going down instead of going up. It never goes up for him. Yeah, I mean, I've heard. I'd be sad in a world without burps. Well, I have, I know somebody very dear to me, very close to me, who can't burp either. It's a girl. And I've tried for years. What's her test situation like? I won't go there. Okay. But I've tried training her. We tried soda.

I've tried, there's different things you can do. You can force the burp. I'll say a B. Okay. But you can't suck in the air. You can train yourself to burp that way. See, I just did that on command. I can do that. This guy says he drinks a soda and nothing happens. What happens is he farts. So it's choosing to go down. But you think that's like, what is going on in this person's body where that happens? It's just the way they're built. Yeah, that sounds like it. I mean, I don't burp as much now that I'm pregnant. I think because I have so much acid reflux happening and I don't want to burp. Look at you. You just did that. You just did that. That would have made his whole year. Wow. Maybe it just did. I think some people are more inclined to be burpy than others.

It's a gift. It's a genetic blessing. I don't know. You can train. I mean, you have to suck up the air. Have you tried sucking it up from your stomach? I just did that. Yeah, I don't understand. I just did that. Swallow more air and then... But he said that he swallows the air. It's bringing it up into sound that's causing him trouble. I don't know how to teach it. I don't know how to teach it though. I feel like it's... I know. There's just some things that you just know in life, you know? I agree. It's an innate skill, guys. It just is. It's just not your calling. No. Next lifetime. All right. Anything else, Jean? No. All right. How about you, Jean? I'm good. We've got to wrap it up. Okay. Let's go finish our John Paul Getty movie. Okay. All right. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. So stupid, huh? Okay. All right. Bye, guys. Thanks for listening to the show. Bye, James. See you next time. I take you to Strawberry Huntington. Yeah, I'm gonna start it. Oh, my God! Hey, I got you on video. Yeah, come down later for Moose Sew. Every free food, free rent and everything else, man. You have a deal, man. Men from jail, homers, you know. You're a thug. You wanna come. Move in. They frankly moved you too, man. If you want to move in, you can move in, but you gotta fuck me.

Fuck me, assamu. Eat me up. Smith for that one. You're a huge one, dude. You're a huge one. What do you think of us? Oh, yeah. Right here. Right here. Right here.

Come down later from Moosu!