Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 444-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: April 18, 2018

Any ladies out there looking to beat the sissy of Fremont for fun? You have to be white and tatted, but he seems cool if you meet that criteria. By cool we happen to mean decidedly NOT cool. He does however do his video shirtless, which we've come to realize might mean WATCH OUT - not 100% well man sharing thoughts.  Plus we talk about Andre the Giant's farts and more importantly his best friends beard. What do you think of a chin strap beard? AND, how many donut holes could you eat in one 12 minute sitting? We feel a competition brewing.  Tommy defends the open defecation accusations and MORE! Pull em up!

that's uh what is that called flute loop fruit loop flute loops by dylan thanks you can always get your instrumentals or songs submitted to the show send them to your mom's podcast at gmail.com i got a big announcement the pre-sale starts today oh for fill her up delphia oh go into the mariam theater saturday november 17th it is on pre-sale beginning at noon the password is funny f u n n y not k sensitive password is funny it's saturday november 17th the general on sale begins friday this friday april 20th but i gotta tell you i don't normally talk like this i don't think it's gonna last until then i think if you want to get your tickets to this show you should get them in

the pre-sale i think it's gonna go fast i'm very excited to be coming back to philly it's been a while and uh yeah that's happening right now again huge thanks to everybody that got tickets to the pre-sales in orlando and jacksonville jack her offville uh florida those are november second and third those are now on sale um really great turnout or response for that and um tickets are on sale in brea and breastballs beach florida as well those are in august i think everything else is gone um so go to tomseger dot com click on the tour page i also added by the way a feature if you go to my website and this is for the big tour that i have coming up that's going to be announced um if you sign up on the mailing list it'll prompt you don't send me an email that it says

like if you hit tour page it'll pop up if you enter your email there you're going to get advance notice of the tour good idea you can buy tickets before the general public so fuck the general public there you go this is uh this is just for you so you can sign up what do you got gene april 29th man friend disco cobs comedy club just a handful of tickets left that one will sell out it's almost sold out so if you want to go this is it dudes i don't think i'll be adding another show to that night so there you go may 4th huntington beach the rec room comedy club that one's almost sold out as well so get your tickets may 9th oxnard levity live coxhard coxhard coxhard levity live december 8th the grammar c theater in jew dork titty's jew dork awesome and

the presale was a maze and that that's moving quick too and you can buy the general admission tickets now for december 8th grammar c theater tickets are at christina p online i mean the links are guys not the actual jump on a show there with chappell and chris rock you did at the grammar seat wow i'm feel special now i get to perform there yeah i couldn't believe because i was going to watch and they're like do you want to jump on the show and i got no because i didn't want to i really did you know when you just like the same way i was like i'm good i don't like it like the second guy was like hey man uh thanks for coming by you jumping on and i go no and then i walk in the green room and then chappell goes uh he's like oh hey man i don't really know him at all

yeah and i go hey you know so i had to see he's like you jumping on right and then i look at the guy and i go yeah yeah of course save chappell asked me and then i went up there and they were so disappointed that it was me all right yeah they go we have a special guest and you can hear them like you could like looking at each other like oh shit who's it gonna be kevin hard or something uh john stewart close and then you go and then it was like uh yeah like that and i was like all right this fucking guy all right gene amatic gene stars got your mom glasses on i do it's when i'm tired my vision gets worse worse or why worse or why worse or yeah now i noticed you said you had some farts building why is that because you gave me a really heavy veggie omelet yeah scramble i should

say it's the pregnancy scramble it's going to make both of us dump yeah you said you've been struggling more since it's hard yeah there's a there's a time when your intestines just get pushed all the way up yeah you know what i tried though the squatty potty today and that actually really helped what about anal what do you think that'll help i know i kind of want to stick my hand you ever have the impulse to put your finger in your butthole to pull out the the turd no i do i just its imagination i want you want me to put a little toy in there for you i mean that could help why not i'm so against that try it out try it out i'm so afraid of that would you let me do that to you yeah try it out let you try it out sure beads sure why not oh you

would don't lie i'm serious why are you lying to these people i would let you do it no you wouldn't yeah should we do it for your birthday tomorrow that is my birthday you're right happy born day tom you mean 49 um yeah i think so how do you feel about your smurf day i feel pretty great about it i'm excited you're gonna be 39 i know you're not even 40 yet i know i know gross you're not even a person you don't think i'm a person yet now 40 40 is when i think you really change at least for me that's when i was like oh i'm gonna die soon yeah like you really start to feel your mortality and things do you have a sense of urgency to them yeah i'm on the cusp of that i mean i remember i remember the 29 i remember getting i don't know

i remember feeling like wow this actually is happening it's happening but i then remember that when i officially hit 30 like when it was 30th birthday day i was like this feels different they usually don't feel different you go through 24 25 26 years like i know same thing these last few years 35 36 37 like nothing but i i do expect that i don't think i'll be affected much by turning 39 no but i think that when i hit the big four i'll be like wow it is half the point it's kind of crazy you really aren't the halfway mark theoretically i mean if you're lucky if you're lucky yeah it's so scary i do think about i don't want to live super old no no well how will do i shouldn't say that it's not about the number i don't want to live for a long time in poor health

that's how i feel i see a lot of old like older people oh my god like oh fuck yeah and you can't not have my faculties and you don't enjoy anything yeah the good thing is those stand-up comedians because we tend to use our minds they we can work for i mean look at melton burrell how old was he we always either we die really young or very old yeah phyllis stiller like 96 and she was still performing at like 94 or something and then hopefully all of you that that our fans now will be fans when you're old so you'll come see us and we'll be like i really did shit my pants today and everyone was like that's funny yeah good one good one got jeans yeah carlin stayed fresh he was 80 something 70 he was always 70 he died at 70 well he did a

lot of drogas that looked older he looked much older yeah but he did a lot of blow he did i think what we've been talking about is that you can't you can't party at 50 like you did in in your 20s because i think that accelerates the aging process pretty much yeah the partying dude partying will do it yeah yeah fuck those are old comedians are we a fucking rickles he lived in night like 90s he was working and he was doing shows doing shows dude even numnuch jerry lewis right is he still alive no he's dead he was you know talking shit old he was old as fuck yeah he's old as fudge burns bob ho all those guys all red buttons all those guys buttons your favorite you love those guys we're all oldest shit man yeah so there you go

no i know maybe the maybe doing comedy like actually being around laughing and stuff helps to definitely and just keeping your mind sharp and performing and you gotta keep your sword sharp too 50 50 50 50 do you think that's how jerry lewis lives so long is that he's just sharpening a sword every day that'd be great if you turned that awful interview into a conversation about that the best conversation then i'd start to really like him yeah he was like you know i can control my orgasm just like nobody i know now that's an interview yeah god damn dude yeah i know i think about that because my parents are on that i mean you know your dad too they're in that window right before it all falls apart it's falling they're in the last chapter yes so like

you get to enjoy them you know i do you do you enjoy yours for this last uh this last run yeah this is your last hurrah however i feel like your mother will outlive us i feel like she's she's one of those going to sneak under the radar yeah she'll be here for me like i'm dyin i hope they stick around i love your folks yeah i do too i do too they're fun i feel like i need to try to see them more you know hey i know you know well they're coming out they're coming out in a little while for the birth of the kid in july yep for uh carls jr somebody somebody said that to me the other day they're like what are you gonna name your son carls jr and i was like hey listen we're show yeah carl jr is great i think dominos for this one carls jr was supposed

to be ellis's name yeah dominos now i'm craving dominos 24 seven with this one i just don't do it i don't eat it all the time what if you named him seriously first name dominos with the apostrophe and middle name belonging to dominos yeah the middle name thin crust right it'd be kind of cool that's what we order extra cheese extra pep can't eat pep when you're preggers man stopping preggers god oh no oh yeah we got to get into this food thing we were going to talk about why don't we open the show let's have on the fucking show shit come on lanka shit lanka shit lanka there's a lot i want to get into all right here we go here we go here here you go here you go blow me up tom all right hi oh my god i'm looking for a white lady oh shit tattooed

and dominant and be willing to put me in a dress and beat the shit out of me okay call me i'm gonna assist you three mod street this is big time who is randy don't bring anyone loving to this you're burning the fucking stand welcome welcome to your mom's house with tom segura and christina the nits and christina welcome to your mom's house down down in keeping with the theme that we've observed is also a shirtless guy

this is a thing now right now right now right now right now right now right now right now i don't even know what i was observing i don't know what i was feeling i don't know it's the sissy of freemont street are you being serious that's what he said freemont is in san francisco i mean i can only assume but i'm not i don't know can i please see that again oh sure i'm so confused right now hi oh my god i'm looking for a white lady it's tattooed and dominant and be willing to put me in a dress and beat the shit out of me call me i'm the sissy of freemont street yeah yeah yeah yeah he's got a lot going on so much it's like where do you begin with a clip like this put this

on the dr drew uh checklist hold on that's right i'm gonna call this one the sissy of freemont street i think it's an accurate name for the file sissy of freemont jesus i mean in freemont sissy gemini again you stupid white bitch that's what i'm looking for is a stupid tattoo white bitch that put me in a dress and beat the shit out of me call me 22 white slut now here's what i find interesting about this is that it begins everything almost like a beg you know submissively yes i'm looking for this and but then he switches it and gets aggro i agree i'm not sure what the tactic is here is it to shame her or to woo her in with his submission i well because it kind of seems like to me that maybe the tactic is by insulting the potential dominant

person oh makes them more aggressive he's gonna antagonize her and then she's gonna come with a fury in a really tight dress yeah you better wear this dress you fucking sissy yeah really beat the shit out of him oh my god because usually you don't see i want to be submissive beat the shit out of me and then you bitch stupid bitch they don't i i didn't know that they could insult the dumb i didn't think so i didn't think that was protocol maybe he just really wants his ass kicked i'm more intrigued with his hair and that's why we're married yeah i i i'm more intrigued with all the things going on visually i'm more intrigued with the selection of which teeth he chose to keep you know what i mean i also like the framing that he it's all the cost six feet

above the head so you can see the ceiling really clearly now the sound was good yeah he's got a newer phone he's got it yeah um but i'm just saying why keep the entire bottom row of teeth and then none of the top hmm and the bottom is really gray and yellow yeah like some interesting spaces here yeah like why one two jump one two jump one two jump yeah yeah but why preserve just those like you you can clearly you're capable of keeping some of them why not try to keep all of them yeah you know it's a really good question so really good how much for you to fulfill this man's desires tom oh my god let's talk a dollar amount i mean mouth wise whose mouth mouth are you more into his baby i'll tell you of the other guys yeah only because

this guy's mouth smells of booze too this one here soaked in booze it smells like a like a warm beer yeah you don't think the other guy drinks not like this guy this guy's been drinking all day yeah what do you think they're both pretty disgust pretty wretched but see i think the other guys are more disgusting human being overall why do you say that now that's an interesting he's a grosser dude yeah because this guy's clean like he's got a clean pair of jeans so he just didn't have any regard for his teeth but i mean right the other guy we're wearing sunscreen now yeah i know he's been outdoors for a while about doors for about 50 60 years but he's the other guy is i mean i wouldn't be surprised if the other guy keeps you know toenail clippings and like he's doing weird

she's on the floor on the rocks on and he's just you're right that's interesting nasty you say yeah you're right he like jars his um he puts his turds in formaldehyde yeah he's really gross yeah he's especially disgusting yeah yeah a lot of problems yeah he's got more mental problems this guy's just a fun drunk yeah this guy that's his parlor trick he hates himself and then he hates the person that he's asking the favor yeah i'd say he just hates himself yeah it's all projection that's hilarious you white slut yeah i'm waiting you white slut a lot of people are probably gonna see slut life um the parallels between him asking for that favor and then uh the piss on me uh beat me guy you know well yeah there are many yeah this is now we've uncovered by the way this is in

your mom's house exclusive yeah uh we introduced the excuse my building tried out i'm gonna fuck a piss on me try it out see seriously quite only just fuck man i'm looking for a hardcore see the difference is that this guy is definitely amped up on some he's he's he's already at a 10 yeah he's at our guys at a two he's gonna get at a 10 once the girl says yeah but the other guy i feel like maybe not into drugs you know we don't know we don't know he doesn't look good nothing looks good for sure on any of the people that we our show policy is if it looks good don't play it but yeah i mean this guy this guy is in overdrive asking for his favor the other guy's actually pretty chill about it well i was gonna say that he has a really creepy child your mom's house

has broken so many video genres uh the boring video and really born so many stars and the fart videos the excited dad boner videos and now we're breaking the overly excitable sexual request videos it's just exciting when we come up with a new genre we break the barriers glass ceilings shatter on this so yeah this guy's hopped up on drugs it's uh the other guy you could see him the lighting was better the sound was again shirtless so he does meet the shirtless criteria is huge here it's really something and you have to have a shitty apartment background there you got to see like a ceiling yeah like a cottage cheese ceiling i was so surprised how uh dr drew led with that on every analysis he's like let's see what's going on in this apartment

i never really paid attention to it i would always be focused on what the guy looks like or what he said but no and drew looks surrounding yes like hmm not really the best decor well with the guy with the breathing and the c o p d is that the word um his closet was behind him and you could see how disheveled his oh that guy is really really crazy and really high yeah yeah he's really disorganized mentally too now who do you think's the most fucked up so the c o p d guy the piss on me beat me now we've got julian fellow's teeth see here's the thing about piss on me beat me guy is that he might just be super fucked up in the sense that he is chemically fucked up with him saying with drugs oh his drugs he might be able to behave normally not when he's sober right

yeah yeah it's a totally i mean it's like anybody could fall into that trap in the way in other words if you put me on drugs and alcohol make a video it's not gonna be a it's not gonna be a good video but i might be able to keep it together sober you know you really think no i just let me just hear what let me hear what we hear for if you hear your argument correctly you're saying that the piss on me beat me guy when sober is somehow sane like he he could be like you or me maybe not no not like you or me because he's not normal right okay and he's not in the circle of normal but i'm saying we're seeing him only amped up right on dust and so this is a real heightened version of who he is amped up yeah it's a good word for it he is amped up you know

also c o p d guy he's also high as fucking all his videos but i think his eyes are more clearly mentally ill and so like he would register more like a shooter like a fucking you know well yeah because he's i i think the c l p d guy also has delusions yeah no he's really sick he's really yeah but piss on me and beat me guy piss on me beat me guy i feel like probably has a job piss on me yeah you know he's gainfully employed yeah he's got a house he's got keys to his house you can tell him like i need you to get this done he'd be like all right just drop it off over here yeah he would do it but fucking c l p d guys is held and capable he'd be like well i was walking i i see what you're trying to do to me and he's super paranoid he's like i fucking set that

shit on fire you asshole right hyper paranoid now what about the right now right now right now right now super paranoid fucked up guy i think he might be bipolar yeah i'm gonna go with manic or manic depression yeah the mood swing yeah i think there might there might be an element of mania to that right now right now right now that may not just be drugs yeah it's crazy because that feels like meds right now right now right now yeah that's mania that sounds like man you know what all good questions for dr drew next time he gets in here he can um yeah he can tell us the verdict doesn't matter the subculture it's mad manic yeah hear how manic that is he's sick he's very sick yeah now this guy but which okay so now that we've gone through all of our sickos yeah julian

fellow's teeth here yeah i feel as though he might just genuinely be an old school 100 homegrown sf pervert yeah just a hardcore guy who just leads with his dick and he's putting himself out there like he might be the most normal you're totally right he might be the most together yeah because he seems sober i would say that he's sober in that video he's he's kinky he's weird he's the guy who when he's waiting to pick up his coffee goes um uh wouldn't mind if you put a little extra cream in that right everybody goes like come on man and then lile he gets a little kick out of it and you're like yeah he just he comes in here he says stuff like that you know like yes like a creep but he's not really he's a creep he's a creep he's a creeper he'll come in um he'll get off of his bicycle and

he'll be wearing like the tight bicycle shorts and like the clicky clicky shoes or something and he'll come in and he'll be annoying and he'll be gross like you said yeah yeah but he's not mentally i don't think he's mentally ill i think he's just got a kink yeah well we'll see you know then again i feel that way about a lot of these guys excuse me and then two or three videos deep and you're like oh there's a lot more shit happening there's a lot more shit happening well i hope he finds his uh padded white slut uh pretty soon hope she beats the shit out of him too he's so and another thing too is that he's got an extra chin like a lot of chin meat yeah and you think that you'd record from the top but he does it from the bottom which is not flattering you want to show

what's out there you know yeah um not flattering yeah that's true no it's not very good um yeah see i mean yeah it's not a good angle you're not you're doing yourself any favors lady that's tattoo yeah he's just a perv you know yeah that is a yeah it's very hangy that second chin um you know this reminds me of what um we're watching that andre the giant documentary oh yeah and there's uh the interview well the interview a bunch of people it's it's really good yeah it's a really good documentary i mean i always loved andre the giant but do nothing about him yeah um and uh bill simmons um company did this it's a really cool documentary it shows all of uh like his whole story where he started in um uh france france and and they they have this or the naked ladies dance

like really in-depth look at his upbringing and how this you know he was like a normal size kid right which is you know you don't picture him like that and then he had this uh pituitary right which kicked in around 15 which sounds about right right like adolescent yeah and then he he really turned into an actual verifiable giant and he his organs kept growing because he refused medical treatment and what happens everything is bigger but your heart doesn't run into organs or squishing and and the thing is they offered him a surgery after he was already enormous yeah so it would have been fine because he was worried about oh well my whole career go away yeah you're not going to shrink and uh so he just kept growing yeah it's sad it's very sad but um

but to your point i believe you wanted to bring up his friend yeah i'm trying to i'm trying to find this uh let me see this i had this photo um at your insistence actually you uh this man appeared on screen you go we have to look at this guy to study him yeah well you know here's the thing i am i am by no means a supermodel i don't think tom claims to be a model we we're not in show business for our looks uh but i do know that when a camera is on me i i try to look good like even today i make it but sunday i'm pregnant i don't want to put on makeup i do because i know all the internet is watching and when you're on camera you should just try to clean up a little bit of what's there yeah that's all i'm trying to say i work with what god gave you uh hygiene you know grooming basic

grooming stuff that's all so this guy yay model this is a bad look dude this here um yeah it's a lot of red it's drinking right yeah but it's it's just interesting facial here it's more let's start from yeah okay like i don't understand what's going on because so it connects it's down here then he shaves off the whole chin but leaves a chin strap just a little chin strap at the bottom nothing underneath that thinned out thins out the part between the top of the mustache and the nose so it's like pencil thin pierre yeah nothing it is very odd it's a very odd because i'll tell you huh as a guy with a beard and yes who observes beers what this guy needs is first of all what don't dip it low here okay see how he

dips it low yes exposes more of this cheek fat here you want to cover that and then you see this here definitely cover because this just looks like you're in a period piece there's no reason for this at all exposed all right and then i would let this grow you want to just cover some of this loose meat right here because it's he's got a gullet that meat because here's my my highlighting the gullet right the beard is meant to kind of conceal your imperfections which i'm all for i get it now what his mistake was is that he tried to contour his face with the beard sometimes guys with really huge faces too who have no no sense no semblance at all of a jawline will make a fake jawline so they go like this is where the jaw would be if you know it's terrible and then there's

just a it's like somebody drew it's like a surgeon's about to perform and they draw like here's where i'm going to make my incisions that's what they draw and they think that that's giving the illusion that you're seeing a jawline right but it actually makes the face look thinner and weirder because all you're doing is looking at the line looks very noticing that all this fat you're actually it looks worse way worse yeah it looks worse yeah this is just this is just bad bad work on bad concept and bad execution now as a beard kind of story yourself what are you so what are you suggesting he should do well he should first of all he should just i'm saying fill this out don't dip this down no keep it what's the line that he should keep like he should go

like he should go from here yeah across here there you go fill this in yeah fill this in completely the chin well because what we're saying for those of you who are listening is this guy's first of all he's got a very he's a white guy with a very red red red face and then he's got like a white beard like that kenny rogers white but it's a super short shortly cropped beard and this is and and it's nonsense and he's got his entire chin cut out of the beard except for a little chin strap like he buckles like you're buckling a helmet on he left a little bit underneath it's one of the more bizarre beards i've ever seen yeah me too it just doesn't make sense and he's american he's not like yeah no he's a odd choice speaking of nationalities by the way and but you know all

respect to to uh andre and his friend here but you do need beard help okay he needs a lot of beard and also help and choices yes what do you think of my fashions today oh i i think you're you're out of your fucking mind here i think that you've officially gone over to my team of euro trash yeah i don't know how it happened you and i kind of switch places here uh i think if you were to land in budapest today people would start speaking hungarian to you really oh my god you you could be related to me right now like you could be legit one of my cousins but the only thing you need is some white jeans yeah because that's you know you're still looking to american here but that is a wild jacket for those of you listening he's wearing a like a tie-dye powder blue adidas

old school three stripe like zip up right which are my favorite but like crazy blue patterns on it crazy psychedelic yeah it's it's really out of your wheelhouse it is yeah yeah i don't know what possessed you to wear this like what are you feeling inside i just feel like this is my birthday and um i'm stella i'm getting my groove back feeling you think yeah stuff like that yeah well it looks good on you i will say i'm very jealous i kind of wish i had one like that this is something that's totally in your wheelhouse with regard to andre is that he was purported to be an amazing farder i know i love this part about the documentary covered in the dock for people that that's so funny oh this is vince mcmahon talking yeah well he would be talking if i gave him the

volume all right there we go andre so enjoyed flatulence when he passed gas it was it was an event my kind of guy flatulence that was his trademark and he had a real mac for lifting his left leg i would see him go into the launch position and i'd say oh my god here it comes you've never heard anything like it it sounded like you know like a deep roar kind of like thing it would rumble the sound of of andre taking a fart taking a fard they were loud big man big fart yeah you'd love to get you in an elevator and cut one of those long 30-second farts it sounded like skin was flapping together i remember every once in a while the charter plane but to see the pilots you know almost like somebody gets smoke in their eyes i'm like you're gonna wreck the plane andre

you can't fart like that in your pants and the pilots will be gd this f that god never get never on this plane again that's pretty cool huh big man big fart that's what they should have called this documentary yeah i know that's it now it's so funny tombstone big man big man big farts even bigger yeah that would be a contest yeah andre versus a king ash ripper well i think it's funny that what everybody remembers of a man's life is his farts that's pretty impressive they're just saying you know it's one of the things they talk about his drinking too remember that yeah he's a real boozer said you know i got i got to a point of mythology about his drinking but the but a couple people were like well you know his standard like his evening out began with 24 beers 24 and then

like three bottles of wine he would drink those they uh rob reiner said you know princess bride is like would you drink the guy like four bottles of wine three bottles of cognac and they're like are you are you drunk and he was like ready to go like what do you want to and he would start in the morning of shooting which is pretty funny but to him you know a bottle of wine is like a glass of wine oh i know because he's a giant he's like it's enormous yeah you know he must have a holding a beer and it looked like a look like one of those mini cans you know oh my god yeah his paws were just tremendous huge they showed uh he had like a size 22 ring which i don't i'm sure that's not even something that they had to you know everything is custom made for him and

like a regular guy put three fingers in yeah i know that makes me think what do you think the uh speaking of three fingers yeah i think downstairs was like well i mean his finger itself had to be like a normal dong a sausage yeah he's crazy when he's just like tap tap tapping away in there well they said that he was really big with the ladies everybody was curious about what kind of horse cock this guy had on him well it kind of makes me think though that if it's anything proportionate to him it would just damage most women yeah it's not it's more of a novelty thing i don't think you'd want that on a regular i mean at least personally it's kind of like giving birth to a kid all the time it was up to seven four five hundred and that's crazy everything on him

was just so big how big were his nuts that's more i think that's even funny or like carrying around those big ass giant balls what what about that thrust power though i don't know i don't think he could because at towards the end like his back was so that's the end what about in his prime you don't think you want that guy on top of you i'd be scared yeah i think most people would be like you lay on your back yeah yeah this cowgirl all the way what if he had like just weight like just waves of load that it would just take 25 seconds and he like i'm more curious about you know and this is one thing that the documentary didn't address and i think we're all upset about what were his dumps like we know about the farts what about the dumps oh it had to be really insane

his shits must have been bananas of course i can't believe that guy could shit in a normal toilet i'm imagining well and that was the saddest part actually about this documentary is that he spent most of his life on the road i know and and it's years ago it's before like modern day you know accommodation i mean i had a lot of empathy as i know you did for his travel burdens the travel burdens and then getting on airplanes and having to take up two regular economy seats and then not being able to urinate like for he'd go to japan from the states can't fit in the laboratory yeah he couldn't be so i had to like pee in a bucket and then put the bucket in the toilet and they would just pull the curtain yeah piss in a bucket so sad and dump the bucket and then beds

and cars and just must have been a torture for him horrible yeah well anyway fascinating documentary very well done really really good i really enjoyed that um i mean i do this real quick sure i want to give this shout out because nothing is more exciting than free stuff and i came home from this last week in atlanta to so much free stuff it's always just i mean i feel very lucky to get it but i just wanted to i got tons of stuff from roots of fight all those t-shirts sweatshirts all that fight stuff a lot of yes yes that was awesome oh i remember i had you model it for me it was great the undefeated sent me shoes and hats thank you for that um i forget the guy's name is it jessie i don't know his name but um the team and undefeated if you know anyone there

thank you guys for sending that i got coffee from smoking aces in lexington somebody who was at my show i spoke to him for a minute during the show sent me coffee we got a bidet from bio bidet which is getting installed monday i am so excited for this bidet yeah so i don't have a review yet because we haven't used it but it's it's getting installed and then i also wanted a shout out to um because i remember if i you know with with this schedule with the movie it really fucked up when i remember if i said something everything's like out of order um but i did rogan the other day if you want to see that i was on uh joe's podcast i did colbert a few weeks ago if i don't know if i mentioned it on this on this show i think you did um i tell the jared subway

story um so it's uh it's funny if you want to check it out a lot of people ask me do you guys talk about politics because i don't want to watch it i'm like no so there's no politics um you can just watch it if you want and i did deezus and mirro um the vice land show if you want to watch that i'm on an episode of that too very so i'm just plugging those things because they were all fun to do a lot of publicity for your special a lot of publicity for the special yeah it's wonderful yeah most importantly and i don't know if you're ready to bring it up but i'm so excited i'm so chomping at the bit uh to start talking about this because we we sat around yesterday yeah and i've been thinking about it ever since okay i mean are you ready okay well we were talking about

we had some friends come over and we thought why don't we get like some donuts for them yeah that's right and the friend goes you know what actually we're not going to eat them we're pretty health conscious and we're like yeah we are too we just thought it would be funny we haven't had donuts in forever yeah and then we got to thinking like what's your favorite donut what's your favorites okay if you're gonna do a donut run what would you get i personally i'm a cake all the way yeah i hate um i don't know what the other one is called like batter or something i don't like that squishy i don't like shit with jelly it's very light it's a lighter cake is heavier i like heavy and i like some chocolate frosting i like my sprinkles on there yeah but um fuck

anything with like a jelly filling i fucking hate that like i don't like those um what else do we hate what else do you hate uh yeah i'm not into the jellies and jams and yeah it's gross i like a bear claws i can tolerate for like two bites and then i'm really over with the french cruelers is that the chocolate topping the swissy circled one yeah i like those those are good i'm uh i mean a regular old-fashioned glaze i'm i can i love an old-fashioned glaze i can do that i like those as i used to say let me get a dozen classics classics yeah um i do however enjoy a crispy cream and i know that's not a cake donut if it's super fresh and hot and hot oh my god yeah i do like the donut holes well here's what happened when i like everything donut with all the disgusting

crumbs the ones that you get at um i know i'm not a dunking donuts person but i do like that they're everything don't here's what we ended up saying so we're like we're the crumbs we're having the what's your favorite one what if you're making a yes and then from there it went to how many of those things you could eat in other words if i if you go like a crispy cream fresh hot one yeah how many could you handle both and then we talked about how many you could eat before you felt sick you know well with crispy cream i think before you feel sick is one let's be honest like you eat it tastes good and then i'm already like it's such a sugar rush it's so much sugar it's overwhelming and it's good but crispy cream realistically i could eat maybe three before

i wanted before i vomited you think so you'd vomit after three any more than three and i would i would feel so sick i could see that i definitely can't do it pregnant um but how about you i don't know i mean like i i definitely i've never done more than one or two of those hot crispy cream ones you know it's one or two you never don't i've never i've never bought them in other words i've only had them when i am like in an office or yeah i've never i've never actually stopped in and purchasing oh yeah i know right never i've had donut holes you know the like the those are not from there from like a Dunkin Donuts or something but again i like the cake version i don't i hate the mushy whatever the fuck that is so i wonder but how many could i max out on

are you talking about the donut holes i'm wondering that one right so here's a thing here's here's a thing here's wait i think the chocolate donut holes are usually i feel like those are cake like we're talking about and then that the that the glaze ones might be that they're old-fashioned no it's not old-fashioned it could be either or you can get them old-fashioned holes okay okay so anyway what's your favorite let's start there like what is what's the donut that you can eat the most of it might be just chocolate like chocolate chocolate in other words the chocolate cake style one yeah yeah you could do more than a few of those like that's what you want to eat multiples of what i'm saying i think so i mean i you know i'm with that stuff i don't want something

crazy i just want you know i like powdered donut too like an old powder oh you're so nasty with the gel no the jelly no no jelly no no no wait i hate those and they're all squishy and then the powder gets all over your face and your mouth and your beard yeah those so which one okay so here's the thing though if you're gonna do a challenge which i think i feel like i should challenge this is where it's happening someone to do it though right i don't know sitting alone and doing it i think it's better to have competition well who are you thinking i mean obviously we know a really fat guy are you serious well i mean that he's super fat and i'm sure there's a challenge should we try to call him yeah let me see if let's see if i'll do it there's no way he wouldn't do

this but but tom but wait before you call him yeah we need to determine what type of donut this will be okay because here's our thinking okay we talked about this yesterday there's the regular cake donut let's say chocolate with chocolate frosting yeah versus the donut whole now a lot of people will be like oh clearly it's harder to eat the whole donut with the frosting i could eat you know more of the whole i think so many more holes i think the hole is the way to go because it's more fun you know you you get a bunch you can yeah i think and i i don't think you can eat as many as you think well yeah that's a good that's a good part about it too yeah especially mr exaggerates yes so let's see i think you're gonna get really sick quickly on those holes because the

sugar on those oh shit he's not answering it's fucking full we'll set it up okay i think the sugar content on a on a whole is it's a lot because i can only eat like two or three of those before i start to feel kind of like one more time i think it's deceptive and i think maybe he's flying because it goes straight oh it's sunday he's flying yeah yeah shit yeah okay so so let's let's talk about your number then versus what you think he's gonna say i think so we're trying to max out here right you're trying to max out wait in a time frame so it's got to be within a time frame you tell me what are you comfortable with here's here's yo we're going to set up the parameters with burt yeah so that we we set up the game how many i think i'm trying to think like eating

cat because you know i also don't want to do like a in a minute or something you know that that sucks here's the thing i don't want to see i don't want the hot dog eating the nathan's thing where you're cramming and it's a quick yeah you know what i'm saying it doesn't have to be that it could be like it a leisurely enough of a pace i'm talking i want to see volume i want to see i want to see quantity how about um 12 minutes 12 sounds good a donut uh yeah two three there you go and that's that's plenty yeah 12 minutes 12 minutes okay how many a minute let's see casually um he's not gonna be casual no he's not he's gonna go but that's the thing it's almost like which strategy do you want to use right i mean do you think we could do 40 in 12 minutes oh my

god that's so many you think so sick dude i think past 10 you're gonna want to barf oh 10 is nothing come on here's the thing i think after two dozen i would feel pretty sick and then it's how much further can you push it past sickness yeah so i mean after 24 be like whoof that's a lot feel pretty gross it's a lot of sugar it's a lot of cake yeah and then like so much in your stomach yeah and i'm gonna vomit yeah you're gonna be sick you're gonna want to anyways yeah you can't digest all that shit right but your dump gonna be like after all that sugar that's just a crazy sugar sugar binge should i go for 40 that's so crazy tell me no 20 no that's so easy that's not even a challenge 20 of those is disgusting but it's not a challenge though i'm

saying i could just fly through i know i could are you gonna train for this no no just show up let's say i'll say 40 okay and then what do you think he's gonna say well definitely if i say 40 he's gonna go yeah but i think well let's let him say his number first well we already said it so he's not gonna hear this no people are gonna tag him on it for sure oh man i think if i think i would challenge him i'd be like do you think you can do 80 i'll just start with that just to see if he's like course of course i could make you mental g make you now easy i'll do 100 now he does have a high tolerance for sugar because of his alcoholism he also has like a high tolerance for indulgence yeah like you know i mean just for like yeah taking it in so yeah he does he he gorgeous a lot yeah

yeah but that's the thing is i would see even the 40 thing that's not really that crazy of a number it's almost like i'm i'm predicting it based on how sick i want to feel because in truth i could i could i could eat more but i already i'm i'm already picturing how sick i'm going to feel doing this oh my god and i really just want him to see him eat even more like that's that's the goal so that maybe we just make your number lower so that he no higher yeah yeah yeah he's gonna he's gonna try it out do you yeah now here's the other question do we go store-bought antennas uh-uh no we go fresh donut hostess do we go gas station no those packs with like the chocolate the cinnamon the fake ass powder are not cool no uh-uh so where do we get the donuts it's it's gotta be like a

fresh fresh donut shop yeah we'll talk to them we'll set up like we're gonna buy this many yeah no fucking way my mom used to get those shitty ass antennas uh the the powder ones with the red jelly in the middle or the hostess shows so fucking nasty dude by the way somebody noticed they were watching back episodes and yeah and when our son was baptized episode 353 yeah mom's house you're talking about how your dad couldn't make it yes and he went overseas where'd he go do you remember that shit was it yes and you made a prediction and they pulled it stop it yeah so you know we had we had a great time yeah it was great and our son's going to heaven and hopefully we'll have a cool picture from vietnam too maybe i'll have a new mom i don't know i got checked

this just wow you predicted your new mom wow my vietnam if you will mom yeah wow isn't that interesting i knew back then yeah what a neat story maybe this is when the love connection began who know i mean it was an interesting choice that my father chose to go to vietnam over attending his only grandchild's baptism that in and of itself was a fun thing to deal with yeah what is amazed yeah so there you go wow i wonder how many thank you for pulling that yeah that was amazed whoever noted that how many half vietnamese brothers and sisters i have what do you think allister found it thank you allister how many oh how many vietnamese like how many siblings do you think i have worldwide is the real question there's no way it's none there's no way it's none

no i mean he's been straight banging since 1980 i would say like hardcore dropping seeds in bitches internationally and like your dad he is not of the generation that's like responsible for you know what i mean no i talk about it on stage how i didn't i mean my dad told me that he he's never ever pulled out it's crazy life he's just dumping clips and people you always just did it he was like yeah i'm like how did you know that you wouldn't get pregnant he's like i don't know like they would say they don't care i'm like and yeah but in your dad's doing it around the world dude international clip dumps for a long since 1980 dude yeah most of his adult life has been spent just bam bam third world countries there is no way i i bet you man i'll

bet you when he kicks it i'm gonna have people coming out of the woodwork like i'm your half brother i'll be like you fucking do look like me yeah like a half vietnamese brother or sister that'd be crazy yeah yeah well be nice to have siblings i mean i am an only child i welcome i welcome you my international siblings wherever you guys are thailand also he visits philippines places like that can have siblings there well kinds of stuff happening there um that's so crazy i can't believe it that we predict i predicted this being hey mommy's i have a question that's been bugging me for a few days i thought two of you were the only ones who could help if your arm was cut off at the shoulder would you still need to wear a deodorant

furthermore would you for appearance's sake shave the lack of armpit hair or just rock the hairy shoulder mound thanks jane brett ps piss on me beat me yeah give me up yeah hmm well i think if you are cut off at the shoulder you don't have to wear a deodorant because there's no there's no pit yeah yeah there's no nothing covered like there's yeah there's no sweat yeah it's just open air there's no sweat it's like putting deodorant on on your back or something you know i was watching um britain's it was called shut-ins britain britain's fattest people yeah and it's only where the folds of fat are that these people would kind of take a wet rag yeah wash between the places you want to deodorize the places that are mashed together sure so yes i

think they're pretty big right yeah tremendous i mean it's all in stones do i 28 stone i'm like i don't know what that shit is i had to look it up but i'm a pretty massive people that's a good one britain's britain's um fattest yeah britain's fattest people yeah yeah it's not called britain's fattest people it's called like shut-ins right uh britain's yeah fattest here's another email mommy's i'm writing this while listening episode 442 you're debating the cleanliness of the so far in the ass sure you are assuming that nothing can live on the soap bar but i have a grade eight science fair gold medal that says otherwise oh for my experiment i had subjects place their hands on petri dishes then wash their hands with a used bar of soap then place their hands on another

petri dish after incubating the dishes at my dad's lab it was shown that the post wash dishes contained more bacteria than the pre wash dishes thus demonstrating that bacteria thrives on soap bars shit if you're running the bar across your ass there's shit bacteria on that bar hope that helps i gotta run i have a homeless black thug coming over to fuck me in the ass regards chris hope this helps i love that that's a helpful email thank you chris really helpful thank you very much for that um so yeah that is uh here where is it no i don't have it here fuck oh here it is fuck with my ass man um it's not gonna stop me come at my i read a tweet that i had come in yeah yeah i was just gonna say that with regard to that message um i i definitely

won't stop doing that no neither will i and i believe it builds a resilience a tolerance to these types of bacteria it's fine you know i've not gotten sick so far uh you gotta you gotta live your life i can't i can't be worrying about every fucking germ you know what i mean true that now tom this one's for you you're not gonna like this but um in light of our open defecation conversation a while back the tweets have been pouring in the emails have been pouring in i know i know what you're about to say oh let me read a tweet okay let me quote the listeners on this one yeah they're very fired up at you this one comes in from cj foster he says whoa hold on christina p and tom segura tom said he never opened defecated what about the poo pile

and his friends that him and his friends had hashtag serious news uh yes cj thank you and the many others the tweets that poured in the emails tom i'm gonna ask you on behalf of all the mommies watching and listening what about the poo pile yeah it's a great question but it's um it's very easy defecation um i saw it said open defecation open defecation it was a song called open defecation i didn't realize that open defecation open defecation that lady's dissertation was on yeah that's great and in fact many households in rural india don't prioritize having a latrine so let's compare india to some other countries in the world on the vertical axis of this graph we have the rate of open defecation in so i'm curious about the song so here's the answer to people

questioning open defecation versus the poo pile okay uh the poo pile is in a backyard and while that's outside no i just didn't consider open defecation what she's talking about is people the way i interpreted it's like walking down the street finding just a a place that is not designated for it and doing it we had x marks to spot a ladder a group people watching everybody's doing it so it wasn't like it wasn't the same as saying like oh yeah i just i had to go and i was uh i was in front of a business i just dropped trial and i took it that's why so so you're you're saying your interpretation was that as long as there is a designated location for somewhere to poop it's it's it's not considered open i mean i thought so because i mean it was a it's first of all it's

an enclosed backyard with a fence trees um you know i just didn't think of that as as open defecation right and and see i interpreted as many of our listeners did um open just outside outside well it our rather in a place other than a toilet yeah no and i i can see the place designated for pooing i can see how there's not many places you should poo the toilet is the only place true unless there is a poo pile mark for you to poo on and that's exactly what we did and i'm going to see my two poo pile comrades this weekend actually well and i would like some kind of a testimony maybe a lie detector situation yeah i'm serious i'm so sick of not knowing the truth behind this truth is here i'm telling you the truth no i want to lie detector test about this fucking poo pile and i

think the listeners deserve it we can do it great donut challenge and then after that lie detector test okay my detector test why not is anyone out there a lie detector in person we don't have to estimate we'll find somebody oh look how nervous you look already i see the fear in your eyes zero fear in my eyes i was one of the founders of the poo pile and one of probably the best pooer in the whole group yet when the subject of pooping outside came up it didn't even trigger a memory inside of you because it was designated as the place to go but an outdoor place to go theoretically yeah it's an outdoor place to go but it's not i mean i'm talking about people shitting on the side of the road shitting into the ponds shitting you know like go into the lake at the

park and taking a shit there that's what i interpret this was like hey let's all do this together let's as friends as friends and family now walk me through this again at the poo pile that there's a ladder and then you mean to tell me that you hang your your ass off the top of the ladder you're sitting down on the top of a ladder it's like a makeshift ladder on a tree okay again this makes this i don't know if this is the same story listeners you guys are the experts go ahead and compare stories in the past like like boards nailed into a tree so you can climb words nail okay i mean like okay i'm listening okay can you draw a diagram i mean i can draw a diagram for you okay go ahead here so there's a let's let's try to make this lie happen go ahead

shiriyana brown lock here in effect did i spent two weeks of law school go ahead so all right all right i'm trying to it it makes no sense to me it makes a ton of sense that a group of guys at first of all the stench must have been overwhelming there's no way you want to shit on top of your friends shit and this is so stupid and silly and so disgusting okay all right and then let's see let's see the physics of this all right i'm trying to do what time of year did the poo pile take place that would be uh late spring early summer oh so it's nice and hot and this is in the south north carolina yeah yeah so you mean to tell me and the humid southern balmy summer night summer day you guys were taking turns shitting on a pile of poo

that's what you're trying to tell me and where was this in proximity to your living space right there right there so you guys probably had windows open too for summer breezes and such and you didn't mind the stench of a poo pile coming into your room you didn't bother you guys to be next to a sewage dump uh tom is that what you're telling me and you had girls coming over and looking at your pile a number of them oh bullshit yeah i'd like to talk to one of those girls if you could produce said girl if there's a woman out there that saw the poo pile let me know okay all right well that's so something else here is what would happen yeah here's like a big tree okay and then nailed into the tree are pieces of wood that would act as a ladder in other words

sure sure you know i mean you could like a like a child would use for a tree house or okay so you climb up this tree and then on this huge branch here and then we had like a toilet seat out here oh and then we had it now that's a new addition to your story i know it's not it's well you know it's like it's it's a makeshift that's it that's a new addition and then you hold on to this so you don't fall what's that what is this that you're talking about what are you holding on to it's like a metal bar that we nailed into the you nailed the metal i didn't do it must be casey okay and then and then you just poop through it into the poo pile there okay this is the you think i was born yesterday no i'm serious yana this is baloney no it's not baloney it really isn't poo baloney

we did this for a while and a lot of people pooped off of this is a lot this is so dumb you don't understand the carolinas no i understand a bunch of 20 year old guys and their primary motivation is to get laid not to shit on top of each other's shit you really think this was going to help you get laid in college we weren't thinking like that we're thinking more like bonding with our neighborhood the group experience oh and your neighbors didn't mind the smell of human poo washing in summer nights primitive we would we were all into it yana you know the main thing is that when you would call out that you're going to do it so many people would run who would run towards this neighborhood kids um other adults now we're now or the lie no i'm serious the lie is

let's hear what this song is like i don't remember this one okay defecation open defecation defecation defecating the open i like it defecation it's like equine diarrhea defecate the open it's like equine diarrhea i've seen a guy shit an alley saw a guy shit downtown anytime you have the urge to shit you would just drop trowel and just go as dj show reference with open defecation really good but yeah i know the poo pile is definitely real and um it's not real i understand why people were

questioning and the more you tell the story the more senseless it becomes and the less sense it makes and the more detailed the more webs of lies they go into the poo pile it's it's utter nonsense this is nonsense i don't know anything you're talking about right now but it's complete lies okay you're out of your fucking mind with this stuff i'm not i'm not i'm really not i'm trying to help you i'm really trying to help you okay um what i want to scatting oh speaking of scatting yeah everyone was really really into scatting and it's so cool and look at these two oh christ i mean look at the people go crazy for them doing this too do

my favorite now these are two very talented individuals yeah Ella Fitzgerald for me yeah for sure really super talented people and this is annoying the shit out of me this is terrible yeah I could listen Ella Fitzgerald sing all day but yeah this is fucking nonsense loves it I like yeah but I like sitting next to that it's like your cousin Brian in the front your cousin Brian would love something like this is my face right here yeah like fuck are they doing do you understand this is the same audience member who thinks that like remember that movie that came out a while ago that was silent yeah years ago they made a silent movie and this

is the person on the academy that votes for things like that like oh what a treasure yeah what an artistic treasure this crap Tom let's do our duet like they're doing where he answers and ready yeah we did it that was great we should be hosting whatever piece of shit that thing was well maybe we could get better at it I'm not sure okay but you know I'm from singer secret and today's video is for all my jazz singers out there we are going to be looking at scatting even if you don't sing jazz and you've never scatted before you will still get a lot out of this video because in order to scat you actually have to have a few ninja music things going on first in order to get

it going we didn't benefit your entire singing vibe anyway so what is scat well if you've never heard of scat before it sounds like this oh no don't do it please that kind of using nonsense syllables to basically turn your voice into an instrument because there's no instruments around and you don't have the ability to play them right instrument that's very similar to the way that a horn would be up on stage so saxophone or a trumpet it's not though it's not no of course not it doesn't sound it just sounds like like you said a two-year-old playing pretend yeah it's annoying we should nominate our son for a granny this is what infants do in their crib night before they fall asleep yeah when they wake up they kind of babble to themselves it's the same

shit yeah it's it's so fucking retarded i mean this is uh another check this out each contestant will have one attempt to scat for as long as possible without taking a breath oh no i have scattered professionally um and i'm pretty well known for my scat style in the midwest welcome to the big leagues sweetheart uh-oh and she's off to a very controlled start that you need a commentator and i'm sure you millions of diehard scat fans back in the midwest are rooting sonia on right about now and she's not disappointing she's a fan of this worksheet diatonic progression outstanding bring it home girlfriend girlfriend and there you have it 36 seconds damn sonia seems quite

disappointed i was a little distracted by the band i really wanted to groove with them and then before i know it i had i had to hold my back i was staring at you that's one jump out you know jump out the hole with the scat but it was cool next up is terry who needs to be 36 seconds for the title oh my god oh dear i'm not quite sure exactly what style terry is going with listen to the style of everyone or if it really even qualifies as a style at all oh my god but you definitely can't question that young man's heart his sanity maybe but not his heart so is this like this is a gag video actually oh right this must be well i thought the lady before him actually she seems sincere really was

like yeah doing it this this is clearly over the joke so all right so silly nonsense it's the worst um we'll be working on a scat album for those of you guys that are interested in a quick comedy we're just gonna do scat from now on yeah there's such a demand yeah um jeez let's see what this oh i wanted to read another email that came in our tweet rather yeah last time we were asking how is it that tattoo artist learn how to tattoo oh yeah that yeah that was cool this came in from left-handed morty on twitter and he writes hey tattoo artists practice on pig skin before they ever tattoo a person pig skin is very similar to human skin and if you wrap it around a mannequin body part it is a great training tool for aspiring tattoo

artists um yeah so that makes a lot of sense now that makes sense doesn't that's pretty cool it doesn't make a lot of sense here i have to learn um speaking of uh skee ba doo bop oh cool things uh all right well quick quick stop off in studio g here oh shut up it's a quick one you're kidding i'm wait have i not been up on him here listen oh fudge the dream still lives my dream is for us to love one another all of us oh that's right i'm sorry i did see this this is so ridiculous that all of us it's really reminiscent of i like that yeah i really like that yeah uh yeah he's so he's so phony it just reads so false doesn't it uh his beard needs yes i was gonna say that yeah let's see trust to love one another all of us oh my god all of us i bet he is just insufferable

yeah remember when um he was like he was interrupted doing studio g for his birthday he was like it's just supposed to happen what's going on here yeah he he wasn't that nice guy was that yeah all of us all of us yeah he's creepy super creep he needs beard help definitely he needs to grow it out a lot more he and the other guys should get together go over their definitely yeah what is this right here this old lady polluting her street by parking oh this is like an old lady losing her shit you want to see it yep okay what who the shit are you literally uh it's none of your business get off of your goddamn phone no man get off your goddamn phone are you my mom are you my mommy oh Jesus Jesus Christ

why'd you go back to africa where you're wrong oh wow get the shit off here wow she's got a crew cut she's real crazy yeah she's got a buzz cut you see that she does have a really cool haircut yeah she's she's only missing that guy's beard because she has his haircut the yeah go back to africa well to lead with that she just was like get out here go to africa i'm gonna go in the hell are you doesn't matter get the shit off my street bruh this is public this is public property this belongs to the city this belongs to the city get the shit off here you'll get the fuck out of here get out of here you get out of here go back into your house i like him i also like that get the shit out of here is not an expression it's not it's

fuck and he corrected her yeah you get the fuck out of here well and go back into your house shut your goddamn mouth no no shit get the hell out of here no i like i like parking this specific spot me too he is right though and i hate when people think that the front of their house belongs to them it doesn't belong to the city yeah if you're on the street you're on the street yeah dude and no one likes for the record no one likes cars parked in front of their house of course same way but you're allowed to of course it's public property yeah stupid bitch i almost like that um it seems like her level of anger doesn't match her face entirely of course like she's kind of flat

like the expression is kind of strange she's like get the hell out of here now but she's not you know i mean like it's like it's not reading in her eyes yeah that's interesting yeah i don't know if she had too much botox what did i do to you shut up you shut up you shut up nobody's threatening you you're pretty much right i'm polluting your street you should just go back into your house polluting your street since when did the street belong to you yeah she's real crazy get the hell out of here no if i were this guy i might come back and park here every day for this show god damn yeah she's real fired up i'm gonna fuck i don't give a fuck yeah you done you done you think she's just old and crazy yeah she's angry she's just full of rage yeah

she flipped out actually at first just the anger started with who's parked in front of my house yeah and then she had to take it up a notch god she's really angry though yeah well hell you think she is i can't tell 80 something i was gonna think like 47 48 oh she's way up there she's not doing so hot jean end of her road yeah it is the end of her road um somebody pointed out that they think that um oh my god i have a hilarious clip tell me if you think this is hilarious or not ready no here we go this is pretty good oh no no no no no no no no no no i don't like this i don't like it oh my god babe

what part is funny the scream is funny you don't think that's funny did he crush his legs jumping off that thing i don't know you don't get to see it he just he didn't jump from that high you know so the cars there's people listening there's a car on a tow truck like on the upper like a double decker and it starts to roll off and the guy jumps real funny story you know and he just jumps what that's not that far i mean it's higher than you want to jump but then why is he screaming he heard his leg i think he heard his leg no he heard his leg babe

you you don't think that's funny no oh why not because i feel bad for him he heard his leg i think it's not it's not okay babe he's a poor guy okay i can't it's too it's too sad i feel sad really it's a hard job he already has i know that i feel bad for him you take the fun out of a lot of stuff oh yeah uh so these guys are jumping out of a plane check this out pretty crazy this guy i don't know he has he has to like improvise

uh better do something i don't know why his parachute's open but something happens why are you laugh i don't know why you're laughing it's a funny scream that's like my worst ever don't make too much it fucking hurts so bad oh god i got hurt too fucking bad oh god he broke his leg i broke his leg okay i got too big oh god the right one oh too big this fucking car i don't think it's that funny

um oh god yeah and then when he cries does that make you laugh or when you when growing poor man in the military i can't believe you don't find those you are so mentally disturbed you got to bring this to your therapist this is how do you not find that funny called empathy babe i got it i feel really bad for that guy yeah me too i hope you're all right sounds sincere uh yeah i thought you would laugh harder yeah well you know i was really hoping for you gotta agree to disagree on these

if there's even a debate i don't please not another one my name's dexter and i'm a ball hog it's a dog that's cute it's a ball dog my name's sasha and i'm a ball hog ball dog yeah they're ball hog dogs yeah this is a new porno series we're producing dog dick afternoon and the sequel ball hog dogs ball hog dogs yeah oh man i really thought you were gonna laugh harder at that you might like this one this is more your speed okay here i don't care i don't care what you do niggas so these guys are arguing on twitch right mm-hmm it up your forehead tell your forehead they want to fall say fall for him

now try to run me bro that's in the day i didn't know what you're saying but your mic is dog shit i do i'm about to fart in my mic you keep talking i swear bro i'm not even gonna lie i'm sick i gotta sit here and smell that shit i'm not gonna lie to you that motherfucker funky something wrong with your dumb ass you know so that was funny he farted to end the argument this is good tactic yeah it's a good move see that was the palate cleanser for you that was great that was a nice fart sorbet thank you yeah you wouldn't want to see the other guy jump off again or no what to jump off the no i don't want to see any more violent shit like what i don't like that

thing you can't really you don't find those screams funny oh my god those are great screams tell me what it's not for me babe it's not for me i make life i don't destroy it okay such a bummer yeah all right somebody said uh i think it was maybe even blue band that this guy made this video and that he reminds him of my dad oh that this is like top dog it's okay well you know you hear a lot of things here with sir david the barg i try to be cutting edge information i have found a new scientific way to uh enjoy um our sex organs now sit down don't anybody stand up and cheer this is a serious scientific report

okay dad voter makes a real dad voter yeah he doesn't now it's coming out of byu no pun intended i wish i'd known about this when i was at byu and i i just knew i was going into outer darkness because i would masturbate and i thought oh my god you know when we die everything we've ever did according to the Mormons are going to be on videotape and everyone's going to be able to see it like oh jeez you know i'm i'm a nasty boy any anyway he definitely has a laugh and the he's amused himself he's i i'm just a like self okay i'm just the reporter don't kill the messenger okay this is called dick d i c k which means penis soaking s o a k i n g penis soaking well i don't know all right let's go down here and see if we can find here's the urban dictionary

okay number one dick soak in the Mormon faith couples who wish to engage in premarital activities but do not want to dishonor their faith use the dick soak method the dick soak method occurs when the male's erect member is placed inside the female vagina and lays still uh your dick's in there though it's a stupid now you know you gotta talk to the little general about this go into battle and lay down and hide i don't know i don't know too many little generals that are gonna agree to this but that was kind of top dog ish right that was very top dog he likes little general yeah he would say that he's like i don't know if i could lay still yeah yeah yeah this guy yeah he's definitely is the he's got the innocence of a top dog the sweetness yeah i could see it yeah um is there

anything else gene no no no i gotta go lay down oh it's tired all right closing song oh the it is the open defecation song that's the song so i guess you get to hear it in its entirety now that's why it was here all right um that is uh let's see it's uh defecation dj show reference thanks guys thanks mommies defecation defecate in the open defecation it's like equine diarrhea defecate in the open defecate in the open equine diarrhea it's like equine diarrhea

i've seen the guy shit now he saw a guy shit downtown anytime you have the urge to shit you would just drop trial and just go doing bro public defecation shitting in public it's it's popping right now it's very hoppy drop trawling drop trawling drop trawling drop trawling drop trawling yeah it's urban living drop trawling drop trawling drop trawling drop trawling open defecation take two shits this morning open defecation open defecation

i'm gonna really shit my pants lately open defecation yeah yeah oh yeah it's popping right now it's like equine diarrhea defecate in the open defecate in the open equine diarrhea it's like equine diarrhea man have you ever shit outside i saw a guy shit downtown anytime you have the urge to shit you would just drop trial and just go what are you doing bro public defecation shitting in public it's it's popping right now it's very hoppy you miss 100 of the dicks you don't try to stuff in your hole that's blue man that's your next project dude