Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 451-Chris D'Elia-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: June 6, 2018

Daddy is finally here with mommies.  Chris D'Elia joins us for pretty much non stop laughs. We already want him back.  Plus, some lady says she really wants The D badly and can't find someone to give it to her. Can she be trusted?  AND is it possible we found a less impressive, more infuriating musical "skill" than scatting? YES. This is an instant classic. Pull your jeans up. 

Oh, here's a quick tag at the top of the show. I forgot. I didn't forget. This was actually just at it So two shows are now on sale fart Meyers also known as Fort Myers, Florida the barber man performing Arts Hall I'll be there November 1st and in Augusta, Georgia at the Miller Theater I'll be there on November 4th. So the 1st and the 4th those are in between the Jacksonville and Orlando dates that I'm doing in November These are on sale now or excuse me the pre-sale starts today if you're listening on Wednesday It is on pre-sale the code word is champ C-H-A-M-P and

That will allow you to buy tickets. Otherwise the general on sale will begin on Friday. So thank you Fort Myers and Augusta, Georgia You So you You're done with Vegas, but we don't know how you feel about it because it hasn't happened yet We're recording from the past into the future time travel recording time travel show. I was feeling you went great I have a feeling it went superbly well Yeah, and I'm I'm excited to be chilling now and just hanging out until this baby comes

I got a month left and you were able to incorporate those jokes. I wrote for you. Yeah, those are a real hit. I opened on well, let me My second kid is about to wreck this shop My pussy is the twin towers and these babies are hijackers number one and two Al-Qaeda you done fucked up downtown again. I mean as winner Netflix is really stoked. It must be stoked about that. They love al-Qaeda jokes Such such a degenerate joke. Yeah Well, that's great. I'm very excited obviously for you

That's that's that now. Where are you gonna be coming up, Jane? November 24th house of blues in Man Diego Wow, and then I start doing the road in December December 8th at the Gramercy Theater in Jew Dork tithes and that's it for now until we add some more. That's great I Mentioned this last week Breastballs Beach Saturday was close to gone. I don't know if it's gone yet Brea, which is in August has opened up like a hundred tickets each show because they have a new location and a new size new capacity So if you didn't get tickets, they are now some tickets available to each of the five shows

Let's see. I think that that was gone. Oh, there's some tickets left for the second show in Boise Ball Sacramento, California at the Community Center Theater Fuck no, I mean Fresno. She's October 26 Bakersfield October 27th Jack me off Phil Florida. Okay in November Orlando the day after that Fill her up Delphia. Oh and Eugene Eugene Oregon was added also in October. You can get all those tickets at Tom Segura com

Click on the tour page tickets All right, Gene, let's get into our show Let's get into our show. There's so much to go over. We have a great guest on the way It's gonna be a lot of fun today. Oh, I'm G Oh She loves Memorial Day people like her the moose soup lady they live for three-day weekends Oh, yeah, Moose soup lady is is is definitely celebrating. She's one of those She's got the picnic she's doing she's hosting the barbecue now

It's confusing the people because it's way past Memorial Day. Oh shit. Sorry guys But we're recording for as we'll say we're recording on Memorial Day. I'm more of it Yeah, but she the moose soup lady loves those kind of holidays like. Oh, yeah, you know She's hosting all the parties really celebrating the day off, you know, yeah kind of shit. All right. Here we go Hey, it's her day job a lot. I need some dick badly, I'm fucking tired of wasting

This good-ass fucking pussy. Oh, yeah, I'm fucking tired of it. I'm fucking tired of my pussy just fucking wasting Who is Randy don't bring anyone loving to this Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura Christina Oh Oh Dude, I know who you are when you do that you when you play air guitar

Yeah, you're the fucking dude from the Bruce Springsteen band the East Street. Yeah who became an actor Oh, yeah, little Stevie. You're that guy. Yeah, little Steven. You look just like him when you do it Like you got the dad. Yeah. Yeah feeling gosh. I hate that band Yeah, I also I think Frank Sinatra yeah, we hate Bruce Springsteen and Bob Dylan the three people I hate the most I hate those people too, and that's why we are married now. There's some things we digress on Yeah, of course as well. I think I would rather bring back some dictators if it meant we could get rid of those three Well, I mean obviously one's dead

Yeah I'm just a blue collar guy gets up when it goes Pull my bootstraps up. I Think I have a hard time buying that cuz he's a millionaire millionaire a few times over. Yeah Yeah, yeah, it's kind of hard. I don't like Bob Dylan either just cuz it doesn't make Then in the bag on the zen and I'm like, I just don't really I just don't understand pretending to think it's good I mean the very first time I heard I was like, this is dog shit. Who's this? That's Bob Dylan. This is who people talk about. Yeah, this guy is who's celebrated

I tell you though There's people listening right now that their heads are exploding because they absolutely they love these people Yeah, but they're in treatment. They don't know what the fuck's going on It was a third was third Frank Sinatra. Yeah, we hate I don't hate him as much as I hate the other I don't hate him. I just don't like to pretend that it's like Real singing That's not singing. It's sing songy. Yeah Yeah, gonna lucky guy be so lucky

Sing talking. Yeah. Yeah Hey, can I did it? Oh, I'm a luckiest guy on the black Okay, I know we've talked about this. There's a lot of stuff that people like that. I hate most most current music I don't understand it a lot of it's dog. I can get it Every time we're in them in the country club and they're pumping some shit through that I'm like, what is it? Is this a real? I will say that I like New discoveries when they're good like anybody would right somebody says try this food. You're like, oh, what the fuck is it? Like so music wise, you know, I got I got into Thundercat over the weekend

You played that for me and I was like this feels like Stevie Wonder It feels it feels familiar but to me is a new discovery. I was really excited for you You like daft punk lately, I'd have I like that new push a tee album Daytona, which I mean, I knew I obviously knew who he was But I'm saying it's like when something new comes out that you can get excited behind I really much I mean Kanye made the beats and it just it further proved my point when Everyone was accusing him of like whatever he might be going nuts or whatever I was like, yeah, but they won't care if he makes drops that heat on them. Good. Yeah, and those those beats

Insane I like Cardi B There you go. She and I share a due date. Thank you guys by the way for tweeting her Yeah, a lot of tweets and that is exactly what we wanted to bombard Cardi B with with tweets about oh my god You set up the pregnancy with Christina. Yes, and she on Instagram posted a video She's like I just got to thank my baby for giving me this luscious hair and these big boobs You know I'm saying like she's she really is all about it. Yeah right now And I agree she and I are you know Pregnancy besties for pregnancy besties. Yeah, I like I love my hair too. My hair doesn't get that good

But anyway, it's interesting. She and I share a due date. It's very far. We're going to have I mean a little different She might do water births together. She's gonna fly out here. She might do actually announce a gender We're going a little different route, you know, what's your pronoun? We don't believe in an inflicting that kind of thing. It's for them to decide. Yeah Our nursery is totally gender neutral Mm-hmm yellows Greens orange, I don't believe in specific toys either. I also believe in asking Every day. Yeah, what do you feel like today? What are you today?

I especially starting around six months old. I ask for consent when I change their diaper I always ask for consent when you change a diaper feed, you know, pick them up bathe them and then because that works, right? We're asking I mean a half-year-old. We have experiences with one so far and they they're really good at Signaling when they want to do things that are for their are the word. Yes, we hear the word. Yes a lot from a toddler Yeah, yeah, that's one of my first words. Yes, I'm thinking about it. Maybe let me consider the options They're very rational, you know creatures. Sure. So Well, that's one of the reasons I don't have baby showers. I don't believe in having that binary structure. Yeah on gender Makes a lot of sense people giving me gender-specific things

I will say it is rare but always a treat when Well, first of all when like for instance when a couple weeks ago When the female listeners sent in their tried-out videos, which is a really a spectacular treat And then now when we get a video like this where it's a woman saying she wants the sex There's I'll let you know a little secret. There's no shortage of men out there who make requests like this But when it's a lady, it's it's a very special thing Well, it's a role reversal. We're generally not that

Forward about our sexual needs. I mean forward is is a understatement for this. I think yeah I want to get fucked now. Okay. I should be able to get fucked when I want to get fucked She's right. I worked so fucking hard and I never got no fucking time to get no fucking dick like this shit is Yeah, well, she does have a point. Look, she's a very attractive woman. She works. I feel like women It's easier for us to get laid. She should be able to walk. What's her problem? Why is she she should be able to walk into like a park and go who wants to fuck and then a guy Do you think maybe she has like like is the problem that she's going after unattainable men or because you can't not get sex No, she's going after losers. That's the problem losers, but she's not even getting it from losers

She's getting it from scumbags. My my thinking is she's attracting the wrong kinds But she's like fuck me. Okay. I should be able to get fucked when I want to get fucked But she's saying she can't get it period. I don't know what's happening. I mean, is she going to the right places? Are you going to bars? I don't know. I'm gonna go to yelling. I deserve to be getting my face fucked right now Your face cock in my throat. Yeah. Yeah, suffocate me so I can die and go to fuck heaven and fuck who I want to fuck up there, too She might have some New dr. Drew Fuck me lady

Yeah By the way, I always a Has always a huge thanks to dr. Drew people love it. We love it. Yeah, I mean when he's here He thinks I'm I'm being a little is it sadistic when you he was I was really happy because he was getting on you more than me Yeah, he he really he thinks that I'm laughing at his uncomfortability and I'm pond further specula Analysis analysis. I think some of it's that but I think some of it is also the I'll play it for him. Yeah, somebody so overqualified like a legit doctor. He's also been, you know, 40 years treating People the day like he's really overqualified and having him watch our ridiculous videos, of course

It's so it's such a joy for me comedy and I get giddy knowing that we're asking him to analyze these ridiculous videos Yeah, it's just it's my most favorite thing. So there's one or two things going on here This is either a smart lady Who realizes it's the comedy in doing this and she's doing it because she knows it'll get tons of you Yeah, maybe sure or It's a very mentally unstable person She should give out her address like the guy does and try it out guy she would get lots of responses Yeah, you gotta give out your address or your phone number. Yeah, if she wants a response

Let's see because that's so far I mean see here's my point like there's no way this lady can't get someone to just get his ding-dong in her throat Yeah, that's easy peasy. Why would that be a challenge? You know, she's like no one will do it bullshit. You do it I do it right now if she was in the other room. I just walk in there and do it. Is this what you needed? Yeah, silly. Yeah, it's a silly thing. It's they can't be true. I can't do this No, I need some fucking dick like this. I can't live like this. Like what the fuck? Yeah, I got some good Olympian throw Olympian It's a world star

Okay, there it is that's the reason That's why I mean she's an angel. I don't understand what well the the overt crazy is a deterrent Yeah, it might be the problem, but still see I would still go in there at least for one one nut Yeah, but with her it's not one nut because you know, she's gonna blow up your phone. There's gonna be multiple texts There's gonna be follow-up calls. She might find your fucking home and stalk you and this bitch is too crazy Oh, you know, you know, you walk you go to her place to give her a fake number. I mean, it's not that confusing It's like that 35,000 text girl 65 oh shit. Don't just leave 30,000 on the table. No, she's too cray. That's that's the problem. Yeah, maybe

Put it in my throat and he's gonna fuck me from the back Girl You love it all that stuff this is stuff you joke about She's great Your second wife. Yeah, this could be it. This is Dalmatian wife. This might be my Dalmatian She'd be good influence on the voice great mom. Yeah, that's all I'm thinking about. Yeah. Now speaking of love affairs particularly yours and mine Yesterday you came downstairs. You've been fighting this cold getting over it. Yeah

and in the morning we have some coffee before we pick up LJ from the crib and You were horking and Bringing up your phlegm in the kitchen as we were talking and drinking and I look over and I'm like that's okay All right, I held my tongue and then you got up. You didn't really hold your tongue. You got quite vocal I I didn't when I did when I saw you Horking a loogie into our kitchen Sink the second sink the bar still it's somewhere that we wash our hands. We wash glasses the kid plays in like Not really an ideal place for horking like a sick loogie

And I called it to your attention I was like, do you think you could maybe not do that in the kitchen and do that in the bathroom? And I swear at the look on your face was like What like you were indignant like righteous indignation like I can't believe This bitch is telling me I can't halk a loogie in my kitchen sink It was it was yeah, it was it was you know, it's kind of annoying not gonna lie It's annoying. Yeah, it's especially because that bathroom is like five whole steps from where you cocked up. Yeah, five steps. I Mean here's the right, you know when you're when you're getting through fighting through and getting out of a

Sick a bronchial thing. Yeah worst time is definitely the morning for cleaning it because what happens is you sit there I know and that stuff just drips all night. So you wake up and it's just it's like you're coming You're really coming through some some dog shit. Yeah, so You know, the first thing is you take your morning piss. I know you're stuck on now with you It's a medley of sounds. I know, you know, it's interesting is I know what you're doing in the next room just based on sounds Yeah, the other day. I was like, are you scratching your nuts? And you're like, how'd you know? I'm like because I can hear it. I know what the I know what each one means like a deeper

That's a butt scratch a lighter sound is the front scratch So when you get up to pee and there's multiple farts, that's a morning pee. Yeah, yeah, not at night It's a specifically a morning. Sure. So when I got down there, I was ready to drink my coffee But then, you know, I just kind of took a deep breath I was like, oh, there's some stuff to bring up and I brought it up in the kitchen. I wasn't really thinking, you know Yeah, no, I know I know you weren't Know before that you had a paper towel that you would like like a dirty paper towel you'd found on the kitchen table Yeah, and then that one you were spitting into

Forgot to block that one out. I almost I almost vomited and I thought surely he can't take this further and that's when you got up and you Well, I think we're jumping over the fact that when my first got up. I was like, I got a pretty big boner right now Right, which is kind of normal for you. But then your choice of like Cording me and getting me on board with the boner. Yeah Was to hawk and hawk and make these sounds and be disgusting so like in your mind You're like, oh, I got this boner. I love my wife to help me out with it

Like and then every flower blooms differently. Yeah, you know Yeah, every color. I got this boner. Yeah So gross I like how you're like, why don't you give me blowjobs? I'm like, well, I'm you know, seven and a half months pregnant I just barf into my own mouth all day, which I'm fine with. It's really not what I want to do I know, but I mean, I don't I wouldn't let it I wouldn't be bothered by it. No, I would Oh, I just have a constant heartburn

My bad. Yeah Anyways, that was our sexy life yesterday Yeah, then we watch a sexy movie. Yeah Molly's we've been avoiding this movie I know why I don't know why I think it's just I'm not a fan of the uh, the artwork. I'm not a fan of the trailer Yeah, I think that movie is much better than the artwork or the trailer Well, the artwork, you know, why you don't like it because it looks like it's marketed to women because they use a pink font I think and so I'm sure guys are like, I don't want to watch some

Chick movie and it's not really a chick movie not really not at all a chick movie Right. She's a woman who is doing extraordinary things and it's interesting, but yeah, they didn't market it correctly It's jessica's chastain and she plays um, molly bloom who was an olympic Skier who then ended up running a poker games like exclusive poker games in Los angeles and later new york jude or titties. Yeah And uh, anyways, it's a great. It's a really cool story. It's it's really well done movie I mean, yeah, it's about gambling, but it's more about her tits. Well, her tits were spectacular

They were out the entire movie the entire there wasn't a there was one scene where they covered them up and I thought It's I wonder why they're covering them up now It's the kind of it's the kind of movie And the kind of tits where you're wondering why there isn't a more in-depth conversation about her tits in the movie Right because he does bring it up once her attorney is like you may want to dress down for court Like you're not that's right But I thought he was going to be like that judge is going to ask to suck on your tits or something And I have to say as a as a cisgendered

Woman. Yeah heterosexual. I didn't I normally don't I'm not fascinated by tits the whole I was like Enraptured looking at only that you um right away started the conversation you go You think they're real and my immediate feedback was a hundred percent. I think they're real Now see what let's talk about this because they're she's very petite. She's very tiny It's very rare to have such big cans on such a small body. I could tell that there was a lot of help in in Uh giving out that type of cleavage in other words, right? There was a supportive bra And tight clothes up top pressing those Photographs of people watching can see what you're talking about. She's first of all, she's very beautiful

She's very made up in this film. I think every single scene. She's got full hair full makeup Yeah, well, yeah at a certain point. Yeah, she's super super made up and every dress is like a titty showcase dress Um Yeah, even court. She's wearing like a titty. Yeah, see there's her tits there Her tits are there. See I do think they're real. They're real. I think they're real. They have a natural They have a natural drop to them. Yeah, and then they're just exposed more and this bra Is just lifting them up and pushing them together which giving this, uh, you know, the cleavage, which is really nice Now the thing I will tell you a big fan of her droopers. Here's how you can tell by the way

This is the real good girl right here. Where the real girl. That's a real model and she's got big tits, too Yeah So the thing is she looks like she definitely is down Yeah, she's real pretty too Jesus the real girl is prettier than Jessica Chastainite. Are you there? See now here's as interesting is that that looks like a faker faker. It does. You're right. Here's how you can tell if tits are real If when you put them in a bra They mash together. Okay that that like fat lady cleavage where the tits are yeah real tits mush together

Because it's squishy fakers Separate yeah, they're they're apart. There's a big cavern between the two now. It could it could just be her bra Yeah, see I can't tell because they're they're always look like real those are like real hangers. Yeah Yeah, but then sometimes they look fake because she's so petite now. This is all the movie stuff This is her at um a premiere right here and they look well it's already like casual tit pictures So this is her at a movie premiere. She she's got the side spillage here That looks like real tit meat because my tit meat will do that Because fake tits you'll kind of see the bag like they're hard and you'll see those look those fall real see how they're mushed together

In the middle. They're nice. Yeah, they're perfect. She's got real nice tits Until she pumps out a couple of kids think we can get her on the show join them now talk about it I would love oh look this is articles about her cleavage. Oh cool keeping it classy. Oh, so she's still she's 40 Damn, really? Mm-hmm. She ain't got no kids. That's why those titties look all nice. How do you know she doesn't have kids? I'm just assuming maybe she had them lifted after yeah Some bitches are lucky. They have kids their tits pop right back. Yeah, not mine. Mine are the state droopers for life I gotta get something done

Especially with a second kid. It's a disaster now See that's that's the outfit she wears in court and then they're real The whole everything is about those tits Molly. Oh, yeah Molly's ticking was uh But anyways, it's a good movie if you guys are looking for a movie. I haven't seen it. I think it's a it's definitely an entertaining And tits. Yeah, and you like tits these this is the kind of show you're gonna like If you got a wife, it doesn't let you look at stuff. You can be like, let's watch Molly. Yeah, like I heard it was a Really cool story and then you stare at tits for Yeah

Interesting analysis tom, but here's the thing. So I I texted uh This fine of ours He works as a stylist. He style styles all these celebrities, you know I said, do you know Jessica Chastain you work with her? He goes, I don't style her I asked him. Do you think those tits are real? He goes? Oh, yeah. Yeah, those are real. I've seen her before Hmm, and you're right and he's a gay guy. So gay guys, they know this stuff They really know According to this, I don't I don't think she uh has kids

Yeah, that's why those titties look nice. Yeah. Yeah. She she thought he she had tits like that He got no kids. It doesn't say here. I mean it says that she's uh She's married looks like to a real fucking guinea. Gianluca passi the press Oh Oh A normal person Yeah, anyways Yeah, but those tits are they're really something and her teeth are nice and white too. Like she has really white teeth

I admire that Yeah, she has really nice teeth. Those are important. Especially as a movie star now You know, you're a movie star now. Do you think you'll get yours whitened? um Yeah, they're still a little yeah, I was right. By the way, this this italian guy. He's the count of the passi the pre pozzolo noble family Gee a count. Yeah, that's cool. He is an executive for moncler And uh, she married him at his family's estate in carbonara italy. Wow

Wow, what's your title? My name is sir thomas testes The reigning king of horking horking and farting farting and burping hearing gross. That's me. I'm in charge. Yeah. No, I know um This is uh account. This is so good. I hit in the face Yeah, apparently my son for my previous relationship. Oh, cool Oh, oh shit. So good. I hit in the face Oh my goodness, so girls down

do you know that um 25 times a week People send me a link to gene cigar. Yes. I get it too on twitter and stuff for years. Have you ever heard of this guy? I'm like, do you know that you are the eight thousands person to send me that Nick Hundley the catcher immediately waving into the brewer's dugout that Is not a good sign for gene cigar. I know and there's a bodybuilder named maria cigar. Yeah I get sent out every now and then

It was an off speed pitch. It came in at 80 miles an hour, but still at all I think it's typical baseball. I'm not able to get out of the way Almost sounded like it hit part of the helmet. Shit. Yeah. Hit with a baseball That's kind of hard. He walks to his feet and Walking to first base. That's a great sign No Did he have a helmet on? He did right? He did. Yeah. Yeah when we were, you know, one of my previous girls We were always telling him to wear his helmet. So I'm glad he did. Yeah, me too

I've been hitting the head with a I'm playing doubles tennis My partner was serving and she served the ball right into my head the back of my head That was really horrible. That happens. It does. It's not good. I hit my cousin Jeanette with a baseball bat. What? Yeah, why? I was at t-ball and Yeah, I and I hit then I hit brian my other cousin with the same bat. So there was a t set up Maybe you shouldn't play z-ball. Yeah, I was pretty bad at it. And we were kids. We were probably seven eight

and on the backswing I hit Jeanette in the head But what the fuck was she standing so close to you? I don't know. So that was a whole ordeal She went inside. There was a lot of tears And I was like, all right, try it this time and this time I went and I hit the the ball off the t and on the follow Like on the swing through I clocked brian in the jaw Yeah

That's bad. Yeah But there were a lot of tears and then I ran home because I was so fucking upset and scared That's terrible. I thought I killed my two cousins. Yeah, you did Yeah, yeah, I hope you stopped playing t-ball after that. That was it. That was the last time I ever picked up a bat Yeah, that sounds fucking boring. I hope our kid doesn't play t-ball. That sounds like the most boring shit to watch It sounds pretty terrible. So baseball is so slow, man. That's one sport. I can't really watch for long It's pretty bad. Yeah, I'm not into it at all. What could we get him into that involves indoors air conditioning You know like swimming

Swimming is great. Right easy running Yeah, it's outdoors. Shit What are the indoor sports? I don't know, but I want to be able to be comfortable in the in the warmer months here Water polo. Yeah, water polo. Okay. That's good. Hockey you can do indoors. That's dangerous. I don't like hockey You don't like hockey. It's dangerous. I saw you. Yeah um I don't know archery archery. Okay That's not a real sport. Oh, you can get him into martial arts. That's always in that's good. Yeah. Yeah, that's air condition

Yeah, comfortable seating. That's what you want, right? Yeah, so what we'll show them we'll show them like we'll get a A pamphlet ready. Yeah of only indoor sports With comfortable seating and air conditioning. I'll be like And no traveling I don't want to have to get on airplanes on the weekends to take him to games in other states and places This is like mother of the year stuff And then when he goes uh soccer, we're like it's impossible

Sorry, it's an outdoors sport and also I don't want to have to bring snacks for the entire team or be involved in any way What kind of sports do they have for that? Yeah, I think you're you're you're really excluding a lot of sports right now Not a lot left. Yeah. Yeah, soccer Soccer is okay, right? He can't definitely outdoors and there's definitely traveling. That's the way How he can't get hurt that bad right with soccer you can get hurt for sure You sprained your ankle or some shit. No like football. No people get fucked up playing soccer Not every not every game

But I mean people get kicked in the head knees to the head You know Yeah, they break but he's not gonna play soccer because he's gonna have your Built and your stature and and your body. You're not built for soccer You're you're built for couch What else what sports you lifting things heavy things? Yeah, his grandfather was a good Olympic that's what I'm saying. He's got your bill the sagura build. So what kind of oh you go weightlifting there you go

Yeah, wait, that's safe. Oh, that's indoors. That's indoors Great seating too. Yeah, not snacks. No mom doesn't have to bake anything There you go weightlifting. We found this sport. There you go. I like this hours of time Yeah What else are you guys good at and that's pretty much it just lifting heavy shit That's what he was best at my dad. Both of you are good at that. You're broad shoulders. He was really good Yeah, he was a nationally top dog. Yeah, he called you from the toilet the other day Yeah, he did he showed me that he was using a handicap stall

He always takes pride in that. What is this here? Somebody sent me this as a stop dog. Yeah, but you know what? What's that for me? Your shit never smells Oh, yeah No, no, you should take a whip of it now It things have changed but yeah, it's funny. You could throw up on me piss on me shit on me. I wouldn't care Yeah, I'm the same way. I don't carry Just don't give a shit. I don't but it doesn't bother me. Yeah piss on me. Please somebody beat me. Yeah

Do you think that guy's a fanny or mom's house? I don't know found that footage. I don't know. It's unheard footage. So this is our old one Down in gondola. That's the old Yeah, I still have all this artwork up here. Pretty nice Damn, so it's like top dogs trying it out before the try it out thing. He started it We got some more tried out, but do you want to see him real quick? Of course. Okay. Here's a One right here What guys love to fuck Fuck good

You're a hot black guy. You want to fuck me at 23 95? You can move in you gotta fuck me. It's like a 70s Detective file. I love it. It's a real actor. Big E. He's doing like the real dramatic read. Yeah, I need to be fucked a lot, man Free food free rent everything else, man. Here's the deal, man Man from jail homeless fucking thug You want to move in you freaking move it. I'm just doing it For me it was the key. Fuck me piss on me. Be me. I'm on me. I know

See me want to try it out. I can try it out. I'm a barman. We'll fucking try it out. Try it out. Fuck piss on me. Try it out Seriously, I look it's only I'm fucking let's fuck me I'm looking for hardcore guys. I mean it. I don't want to do it. I don't want to fucking deliver it I'm a hot white trash condom. Let's fuck Really good, you know, uh, a lot of times actors are looking for monologues to perform for class This is yeah, I mean, then you can see it or for stage This is definitely something that we've shown to be very versatile as a piece You take this into an acting class. I guarantee

You're you're acting coach's attention if they go, what the hell is this from? Yeah, it's an interpretation. Yeah, you should just say, you know, you gotta Give it credibility. So say, um, oh, it's an indie film. I saw I was uh Watching this thing on youtube and there's this indie film this guy made It's really He's kind of makeup a name, you know Dude, could you imagine if some kid brought this to his acting class? Oh my god. Yeah, it's it's amazing. He's so fucking great I bet our guest today could do a real read of it. Oh, we should have him do it

It's German Kind of Oh, wow I heard that was it, uh, what is it black schwarz schwarz is black Good good stuff guys international submissions now. Um, so that is uh, uh, uh, kim Akim is that how you say it? Ahim. Ahim. I don't know Yeah

Uh, it doesn't stop giving 25 in the building Try it out. Try it out, man. Try it out, man I'm just looking for some hot black guys. They mean it and when you do it Because I'm a calm dump Whether you're in jail It doesn't matter because I got a mental illness I got a mental illness Damn it. It's so funny

Cheese I need to be fucked a lot Oh my god, holy shit. Oh my god That's calay, that was amazing Calay k a l lei I mean the autotune. Is that what that's called autotune? Yeah, that is amazing. Really great, man Well, I'm a calm dump. It's so fine. He took that line that we tried to figure out goes. What the fuck does that mean?

Oh God damn that was brilliant you guys people still every single genius day Send me um home. You know They're like, it's definitely ho a man out. Hold me out. I'm home. I'm home here right now. It's home here now I mean who knew that that one video would spawn so much creative material so much Song and black guys don't love to fuck this guy's at worse. Hey, how are you? Ha ha ha you got caught trying to do it I love the work ones. That was Derek. I'm building my cardio for black guys who want to fucking

You think you can fuck me out of breath for you, right Try it out. Just let me beat you try it out four stroke gang member try it out Bring your friend out here as long as you're willing to fuck Fat leg burt try it out I'm here on 23 95 I'm not home now, but I'll be home later. Hold me out That's Mike. That was great. He's actually on a jog. That's amazing. And then what is this?

This is another animation that came in Black guys who love to fucking fuck good If you're a hot black guy and you want to fuck me at 23 90 You want to move in you can move in but you gotta And look he's got the red bow. He's got the bow. It's all about the bow. Oh, look how nasty he looks. Yeah Pretty terrible. Fuck me. No, I need I need to be fucked Free food free rent and everything else man. Yeah, here's a deal anime from jail homeless or you're a thug You want to come move in friend can move it's two men

We'll post that one to this from uh ghost toast. Well, your teeth are way too white in that animation. Okay Uh the stuttering I love when they get the frantic sputtering and the yeah, it's a you move me I'm hot white trash come down. Let's fuck. Yeah, it's pretty wise. Well, it's interesting about drew's last appearance Um, well, there's a few things but also that the mental illness and the drug use it's hard to tell which is which Yeah, which was kind of a revelation like oh Is it math or is it just he's mentally ill? Sure. So a lot to think about. Yeah Why don't we take a Short break here and prepare for our guest. Yeah. Yeah, sure. Sure. He's about to arrive and farts push the shit out

farts push the shit out was huge and He really felt I like that he got a little defensive. He's like, well, hold on a second Let me um, let me address this like Who wasn't just gonna let that slide? No, because he does not believe that farts push the shit or that shit Shits push the farts out Completely Yeah, wow, we learn something every time with dr. Drew. Yeah, we sure do many. Thanks to him. All right. We'll be back Shortly, you won't know as always that we paused

And we're back from the pause you never knew about And joining us is long overdue Um, it's really long overdue. You may know him from stand-up specials television shows And uh, you may have mispronounced his name for years. Yeah, um, I've seen it. I've seen it live in person I've heard you say that before like people say I was with him on the street I was with him on the street in Vancouver and they're like, I it's funny when someone says I love you Yeah, I love you chris delia. Yeah

Delia. Yeah, they it's delia. Yeah, it's delia And it won't matter that I said that though because it will still happen all the time I say it. I make sure to say it. I said apostrophes are intended. I know it messes. It really does. What is it franche? No, it's an allian. Allian. Come on. I don't fuck this. I'm a I'm a pollock. I don't know No, it um, it's italian and they they just say I mean people every day Delar are you chris delala? They add an L. Yeah, it's like there's one fucking isn't that funny like someone sees a symbol and they're like I don't want to fuck with that. Yeah, I know. I then you go like just it's phonetic dude. Just I know delia

Yeah, I get I guess delia. I guess I could understand but people fucking up way worse I mean, I've been on the phone with people where they go like are you mister, uh, so That was yours mine because they go I think what happens is You know, mine's not as intimidating But you know to some people a g a u and they'll start to go like I don't want to say this wrong, man And I'm like just sound it out. It's exactly the way well your last name is completely phonetic Totally phonetic. I mean there's no way to screw that. It's a disaster. I just that's why I go by p. Just the letter p I'm not fucking I'm always upset. I always knew I was dating her for real like I was like I liked this girl when I could spell it

You're my real Yeah, you're like I don't have to look it up or something. I was like I was like her That's true Lonely my diehard friend my real friends can spell my last name as your is your mom Italian also My mom is Italian. Yeah, but she's all her maiden name is Dombrovsky. She's polish. Oh, Jesus Oh, yeah, Dombrovsky. Oh, is she from the old country or her? No, uh, her parents and her parents parents and shit like that She's got that deep trauma that eastern. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know how much I don't know how much trauma is it?

I don't know how much trauma is in her family like early like like way back when they're pollocks. Are they jews too? No Oh, okay polish. Yeah, I met the hung out with the delias. You did When in Vancouver. Yeah, there's when he shot his last special. Yeah. Yeah. You were there the night before I Something like that. I might yeah the vogue, right? Yeah, the vote and I was there the day after you Oh, you are. Yeah, so you shot your special like on a friday. Okay, gotcha mine was saturday and they didn't change the marquee Which oh, really? Yeah, that's cool. I didn't They gave they were giving me shit about not doing the uh, alt show after my show. Oh, yeah

Oh, and I was like, I'm doing it Taking me shit about doing it after shooting my special. I think right. I was like, you know, I'm not gonna do that You know, yeah, and the guy was like we count we're counting on you. I'm like for the alt show Why? Yeah, and they were like because and then when when they were like, uh, you know like agents and managers were Kind of giving shit back. They're like, you haven't even changed the marquee All right. All right. All right. Our bad on that. Yeah, I remember josh Our manager would always just be like, I don't know. I remember he would just be like, are you doing it?

You know, you know, they really want look they want you to do it. I'll tell him no I could you know, I'm like, dude, I'm not doing and by the way By the way, by the way though me as me by the way, he did uh, I did I was talking about him on my podcast And they apparently like every like week like somebody's like, dude, chris. Do you talk to Like through in the business people like from cAA are like, dude, have you heard this? He's like, I've heard it Wow Because he would always say dude every time I would pitch a fucking idea to him He'd be like, well, there's a show in there

He would say and dude and I'll be like, no, it's the fucking show dude. It's the show And he was like, I guess time to do the work He goes, uh, and he's by the way, uh, by the way, just flush it out He's the best. Yeah, it was a lot of years We've been hearing those fucking phrases. I mean, me and you were like his first Yeah, two of the first I remember I remember meeting you In front of the melrose improv. This has got to be like oh seven And I remember asking you actually remember asking like, oh, do you guys are you do you work with him?

And you're like, oh, he's like helping me out. Oh, wow. Is that that long ago? Jesus and I was like, what do you mean? You're like, I didn't even know what that meant. You're like, like he's helping me out But I'm not like yeah, so it was probably so what happened was I I had started doing stand-up in 2005 and Uh, I before that I was like like a writer like I had made money Optioning scripts and shit. Really? Yeah. Yeah, and um, and I I started doing stand-up and my manager at three arts Name Stephanie Davis who's great. She would always be like you should do stand-up and I would be like Yeah, I've always wanted to stand up like that's in my was your reaction in in my yeah in my Ever since I was a kid. I was like the goal is to be do stand-up. Oh, yeah

100% but it was always like I was always like and I didn't know how dumb that was this was then But like I was like, I'll get in I'll get famous first which is like everyone would hate hate me Yeah Other comics would hate you But but yeah, no, that's like the worst thing to do is is just you got to you got to you know grind and and hit the trenches but but um but so So I so Stephanie was like my literary manager and she was like

She was like try stand-up and I tried I did stand up and I did it for a few months And because I was at this point out because also my things that were getting optioned None of it was getting made. So I was like, are this you writing screenplays? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like I had a movie Uh, Kevin Spacey was gonna produce it Yeah, yeah, you must have been like fucking I was 22. Oh my god. Yeah, and did you have did you I was wonder this like Did you Because your dad was a director. Yeah, did you had had you read just dozens and dozens of scripts? So you kind of yeah, I grew up in it. Yeah, so I knew what it was all about a shit script was and yeah

Yeah, but also but also like Like, you know how like, you know, I go up so much I do stand up so much like when I'm focused on something. I'm so like I would I would literally Sit and write for eight hours a day. Yeah, I know I I can't even fucking believe I did that Do you still do this ever? No, because it because it's all about stand-up now You know what I mean? Like I if like if I'm pitching a show like I'll develop the idea and shit But I'm never like I'm never like I'm always like I got a show tonight, you know And I want to do this new joke or or or develop this or say this new thing

So it's more like I'm gonna put your energy into yeah, exactly my energy. Yeah Can I just say I'm so impressed with your you're such a great performer You're always a great like I you're always great on stage when I see you like I'll pop into the store and I'll see you Do but on television too like you've done these sitcoms and I'm always blown away A you look great on camera and b you can deliver sometimes these jokes that like are not Technically hard jokes and they're funny and you're funny like how fucking hard is that because I took a sitcom acting class recently And it's really hard. It's not easy to do sitcom acting. Yeah. Well, first of all, thanks. I feel like uh, um I feel like it the thing

You know, I don't know but I think that It's it's it's totally different like it's just it's not I think when you try to bring the same Like I was talking about this like because because comedians will be like Because they'll talk they'll ask me about like social media They'll be like, how did you get a following and shit like you can't like do the same tone On different mediums, you know what I mean like like if you're yeah, if you're a comedian on stage doing stand-up like

That's not the same thing as being a character in a show on a sitcom Even though there's an audience there and I always think about this like Like when you're shooting especially for me because I'm real animated on stage Yeah, but like when I go and I do a show in the at the comedy store Um, I know there's people in the fucking back Yeah, you know what I mean So I can be as animated as I as I need to be but like when I'm shooting a special I always have it in the back of my mind that most people are going to be watching this

On their fucking tv. Yeah, so I don't really change much but like I know I in the back of my head. I'm like there will be close-ups So like you can't like put like I've seen comedians I've seen comedians who I fucking love. I think they're some of the top comedians and their specials just They they're just like excited that they're doing the special and you can see it on their fucking face on the close And it and it doesn't yeah, it's not their best performance And so so even in stand-up. It's a different thing like if you're shooting something so if you're doing something as a

An actor on a sitcom or or even if you're on a show, you know some drama or whatever the fuck it is It's all different and even on social media like you can't do the same shit you do on stage on like Yeah, you know, I mean like it's all different. It's all different. So I think that when you try to bring the same energy It just doesn't work. You're talking about acting in a comedy versus drama You're like you said that the dramas are the worst because like you're there all day and then you're like hey, what? They're like cutting like that's that's the fun. Yeah, that's the say that's the show. Yeah, it's it's it's it's really like I mean when you're doing a comedy like you do you you're literally like, I don't know man when I shot this movie called flock of dudes and

uh It was with like all of these great comedians that are you know, like uh, chamele Hannibal Uh, I mean brek gelman was in it. It was just we were we were crying laughing shooting the fucking movie and um And then you do like a drama like You know, I mean I was on the good doctor last year and it was just like You don't have that. You know every time you do um A take on on a comedy. It's like you find out. Oh, this is funny too. Oh, this is funny. We'll do it again This is funny too. You do it seven times. Whatever. It's like funny every time

But you know, I'm talking to this doctor about like I'm the doctor's neighbor and I'm like, ah cool. Yeah, so How was work? It's like Yeah, it's like you guys if you're not unless you're doing like a real like the doctor role is cool You know what I mean like because he's like It feeds him artistically and he's playing this real role and he's got like but like when you're the neighbor in a drama Yeah Yeah, and and I even I did this this movie as if that's every week too That's what I said. I I actually started doing it on stage like the my

I started talking about how like my worst nightmare job is to be on like csi And for eight seasons be rich as shit, but be that fucking guy where you're like, I'm way ahead of you to type in You know, I mean, I'll blow my brains out. I flew with uh, what's the guy that played uh, chris noth played mr Bale. Oh, yeah, yeah on that sex in the city. So we're talking all about this stuff and he goes He said, um, he's like, uh, he's like, you know, that role is like it's fine or whatever and then he goes, um, He was on law and order. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, how was you know, how did you like that? He goes? Well, he's like it you know gave me a lot of financial security, but he's like

Every week it's the same. Yeah, and you just go like You're like, we need to talk to that guy now You walk in and you're like sit down He's like it's just repeat every week. He's like, there's nothing there. He's like, you know what I wanted to be on Was like Downton Abbey. That's what he was like, you know where there's like actual real things happening Like there's a there's the drama swells and the stakes are like and he's like it's just like brilliant writing He's like this law and order bullshit man. And then he got He got mad at the uh, there's a there's a flight attendant

Yeah, who freaked out that he was on the plane because like, you know women especially women know him She saw him she started to shake and he was like god damn it He's like not with american airlines this fucking delta bullshit. They're obviously not professional when she did that He should have just said sit down sit down Then they're asking him for pictures. He's like some professional. Oh jeez. Oh, oh the actual that's hilarious. Yeah, actually Flight attendants from yeah, um like a picture. I don't we were talking about this me and you We don't because burt likes it. What were you talking about when people come up? We don't like it, right? Yeah I'm just not I don't mean to speak for you. No, no, no. I'm like I first of all, I'm super nice to everybody

Of course. Yeah, like anybody says anything to me. I'm always nice. Of course I'm saying that he relishes maya. Yeah, he courts it. I would even say courts it We went to the national championship game. Uh-huh with arie and men People would be like, hey burr. He'd be like, do you want a picture? Like ask them if they want to take a pic and then they'd be like, all right And then he would be like they're like, all right Yeah, so it was totally Yeah, I the only thing I don't like is that because it ends up on the internet and you look like shit

For a minute, you know what I mean? See, I never think about I guess for a woman that yeah, that's brutal You're like, I don't have fucking megabon. I'm always just like I don't in this picture. I don't I I'm I don't know what is um I'm putting expectations of the person I'm assuming them. So I'm always like Wondering where where you're expecting this to go in other words, like, oh, like, you know, sometimes I'll walk in there like come Have a drink with us. I'll be like negative. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know you Yeah, yeah, you're a stranger

Yeah, I'm just I'm just this is the one of the first things you'll learn. No, yeah Well, and burt will like invite people back to his hotel. I'm at the Hyatt. That's crazy Yeah, one time he did it to the audience of the show. He was like there's a performing and he was like I'm staying over there So if you guys want to come and they came in like droves. Oh my especially because they're like we can party with the party guy Yeah, well, that's the whole brand then the bartender was like, that's true. We're running out of shit Like we're not even we don't even have the alcohol anymore. Dude. I like I have like in my head. I have like Like these rules where it's like first of all, I think I was telling you like I don't know what it is with me

But I think and I'm this is not an exaggeration Eight or nine out of ten times They come up. They say something Insulting. Oh, right. Right. I like that They don't realize they don't realize it and I understand I understand, you know, we lose track because we're around people that we Uh, think are are funny all the time, but they're like, oh, oh, this is the only this is I get to see a comedian I like I never have seen that right. So I get that they get the motormouth thing Whatever you want to call it, but like they'll be like, oh my god, like

like, um Man, oh, dude. I always try to fucking my friends fucking hate you and I always but I always stick up for you Like that, you know, like and I'm and I'm and I and I but I and so if that happens I I'm not nice to you because you have to understand that what you just did. Yeah. Yeah. No, I agree Yeah, so I say did you just come up here to tell me a bunch of people don't like me? Well, no, but I do. Yeah, exactly. No, I'm trying to say, oh man And just say you're then at that point just say, oh, shit. I'm sorry. I didn't know what to say But that never happens. They're like, no, no, no, I just got and

I'm gonna one time you you remind you know, you remind me of like I'll be like what you know, you remind me of who that guy Uh from the hangover and I'm like Zach Galifianakis. Yeah, I'm like why because we have beards. Yeah So dumb. Yeah, they bring up other funny people. Yeah, they think are actually funnier than you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah You know who's really funny? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah That's what agents and managers like to do too. Yeah I don't even like but there's also like little ones that are that are like that kind of irk me like, oh, dude My fucking brother's a huge fan. Can I get a picture for him? Always? Yeah. Yeah, you know what I mean?

It's like my friend loves you. Can I he's gonna be good crazy that I took a picture with you. Yeah, I always say Oh, not you, huh? Oh, no, no, I mean, I like you too. But yeah, I like to do christen But um, yeah, agents will do like hey, you sold out the wiltern. You're like, yeah, they're like, that's great You know who sold out six? Oh, yeah That's never enough. I had a woman come up to me once after his set at the comedy store I still to this day don't know what she was getting at but she said Hey And uh, I was like, oh, what's up? And she was like, you're really funny. I was like, oh, thanks a lot. I appreciate that

And so so far right the compliments are really well. Yeah. Yeah, uh, she says, uh, yeah, like super really super funny And I was like, oh, thanks a lot. Like also, that's the other thing How many times do people say it a few times and you're like, listen, I got it the first time You know, you're like, hey, dude, you're so funny. Oh, thanks. Like really? Oh, thanks. No, no, no like Seriously, you're there damn. I believed you the first time dude. I don't know you. I just believe where you're trying to take this Yeah, exactly. So um, so she was doing that She did it like twice and then I said, oh, thanks a lot and and then she said, I mean, you know and I said, uh, I said, uh

I I said, uh, what what you know, and she said, uh, I mean You know, you're not like Amazingly funny. Oh my and I was like and I couldn't believe it and I said What And she said, no, no, no, no, no, you're funny. You're really funny, but you're not like And she would do that and I said, I don't know what you're what what where's it supposed to go? And then she the way it ended was I mean, you're not like Eddie Murphy

Nobody's that's what she said and I said Okay, yeah, fine. I said, you're just being rude. I think why are you pointing this out? It was like, why are there levels just say the compliment and then I the weirdest one I ever had Because it lasted too long and she kept she kept not saying things and I was like, what come on spit it out But man one time I remember this guy came up to me outside of the comedy store. He has them on deck Yeah, yeah, yeah because because I because I He comes he come up to me Is this fucking kid he was in his 20s and he was like, hey man, dude my friends fucking always talk shit about you

They don't think you're funny, but I think you're the fucking funniest and I go like this Fuck you right in his fucking face. Yeah, I go Fuck you, bro. And he had his phone out to take a picture and I walked in and he was like, uh, what do they say? Yeah, he knows why do you think that bothers you something it sounds like the compliment of like The I mean my friends hate you, but I like that seems to be the one that really because here's what it is here's what yeah, because because they think that they think that They're they're saying like

You know, there's that whole thing like it's kind of like saying like oh that band's great. Oh, yeah I liked them before their album came out. I like them. It's like they want they want to be in on the on the thing That other people aren't in on you know, right that fucking bugs a shit out of me dude There's one thing to say. I love your work. Thank you. You're great. That's it And you know what the other thing other part of this is that um That is lost on some people is that they don't make that same concession to their compliment to other types of artists It's like if they saw the actor that's true from the thing they wouldn't be like you're decent enough actor Yes, they would just be like I love you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know that

I've no one goes up to the fucking band and is like you're kind of a good band There's another band Yeah, we're also out on the fucking patio and shit like I was talking to bread urns and he was like dude Think about like if you love comedy and you're and you're like and you and you live in iowa and you're on netflix And you're like oh these guys are amazing and you go to the comedy store. You could just be like hey, what's up? It's insane. That's insane. It is urns was saying it's like it's like you go and you fucking see uh You go you go see derrick jeter at the fucking you're at the Yankees game and you're like oh, hey, what's up derrick?

And he's like hey, what's up? Well, let me just think i'm trying to think from the perspective of the audience member who's like hey my friends Don't like you. I think they're trying to be like Just wanting to know i'm going against all odds here Like i'm kind of telling my friends to go fuck themselves. That's how much i'm going to bat for you You're my guy a positive way of thinking about it. However You have to understand that that's not how it's going to come across He's right though. I mean delia's right. You're actually right too. Yeah, you're right

I'm trying to think like why would someone be like that because they're like i argue with my friends I defend you you're my guy. I think there's also there's this one There's this thing that happens in people's Heads that they're not even fully aware of when they meet a comedian and that is that especially one that they just saw They're like you just made all these people laugh Um, I have a moment with you right and they want to say something either really funny to you memorable or insightful or memorable And so they they kind of go like this sit and they it's a verbal diarrhea and like, you know, I had one last year after a show alcohols a factor comes up to me

I have a good one after this guy She goes, holy shit. That was fucking hilarious. And I go, oh, thanks. She goes, but i'll laugh at anything That makes me mad I go, uh, and then her friends are like she's a fucking idiot So she said that thing don't I go no, no, no, I get it. It's fine. It's fine Yeah, I've had a bunch of those man. I've had a bunch of those that you're just they're just like You kind of want to go. Do you know I also my my pet peeve one What is I find it super annoying is like you walk let's say

Uh from a club into like the ship bar room. Most people are gone. There's people You know, or maybe it's like the hotel across the street and like somebody'll be like Oh, they're like, yeah, they go pretty funny. Oh That that I don't even like knowledge that I'll be like, yeah, that drives me nuts because it's like, yo They're in my head. They're like, I got shit too. You know what I mean? Like I'm good at my job Like, oh, you're cool now You just bought a ticket to see me and you left your ass off and now you're gonna be cool You're gonna be cool be that to me is the equivalent of literally looking at someone and being like you're not bad looking

And you're like, what? Oh, yeah Pretty good. It's so dismissive. I used to get that I get that from men Men say men say because men are competing with you. Yeah. That's what it is Good guys like our girls and guys don't want to feel like they don't want to feel like they're bowing to you No, I give you like a reserve But I I will say I bet chris gets it more because He's you're to me It seems like a lot of like young girls like you because you you know what I'm saying like your demo

Is it maybe like cuter hotter? Not like tom who's a savage Mostly dudes I get guys that look like me. Yeah It's true the guys that come to my show look like they have health problems I I always joke about I'm like I've never seen uh, there's there's no listen christalie His audience is significantly better looking than yours. Like let's just absolutely in court would be proven correct So I'm imagining that you have these like cute girls By the way, sorry in the clouds, they'll be like deli was here. Whoa. I don't know

I didn't know we had people that look like that in the city Right that's what I'm saying. They're all good-looking. So the the guys must fucking hate you It's got to be hate daggers. I get I do get I do get like sometimes like the guys are like like 12 like Dude dudes come out to see me like together and they're like we listen to you and the fucking thing and they're like Oh god, they think I'm like them. I'm like so not that guy. You know what I mean? Like but um, but yeah Do you do you get into twitter battles? Are you one of those people?

Hello, are you talking about you're talking to the fucking grand slammer right? Because I don't pay attention too much, but I imagine you'd be one of those people that would engage It's just my he doesn't let shit slide people say to me like, you know, you should really let that go You know, like people are like you're better than that and I'm like there is no fucking way. I'm better than that I'm that good. Yeah, however good you think that is. That's exactly the level dude I just my One of my feet and people are like you shouldn't let it get to you It's not even that it gets to me and I'm not saying it never does of course sometimes it does but it's it's so fun

Dude, that's that's the whole thing. I think it comes across that you're having fun. Oh, okay. Good. Good. Good. That's good to know That's good to know. What's your what do you what what turn? This is what I love about it, dude. This is what I fucking love about it because first of all We live in the age of the internet, which is fucking bullshit. Okay, because A guy who's not even close to me Who I don't know Should not be able to say anything to me. That's it the rule. He's not in the room with me I don't know him. He shouldn't be able to talk to me. Okay. We live in a world where

Everybody like that can talk to me. Okay, and and that's in my head fucked up all right, so So the fact that that person can just like dude, okay And it's hard to do this without sounding like a pompous or whatever But like if I if if when I was a kid if I could reach out to like people that I like Oh my goodness That would have blown my mind like I remember I met Jim Carrey once and I didn't wash my hands for like four days But now people are just like let me just tweet him. Yeah, you know, I mean, yeah

Yeah, you suck it fucking in this movie. But so so now So now the fact that somebody can do that, okay is And the fact that I can tweet You know, whoever Tom Hardy. It's a it's a it's a luxury. It's a privilege. Okay. Yeah So if you're gonna be able to do that They think uh, I'm just this guy. No one's gonna see, you know, he's gonna see this. No, fuck that. I'm retweeting it Now you get to see how my life is dude. Yeah, I'm retweeting this and I'm giving you a fucking I'm giving you a shot or whatever the fuck you want to call it and now everybody gets to talk shit to you

Yeah, this is oh, dude. What the fuck does not cool. This is my life, motherfucker. Yeah, this is how it is This is this is that you've entered This is exactly what you wanted and this is what life is. This is the internet you get to talk to me So everyone gets to talk to you now. I always thought I was crazy too when somebody will talk shit and then they go, uh They talk shit and if you put them on blast and they're like, it's really not cool the way you Yeah, shared it with everybody and you're like, wait, what you shared it with everyone as soon as you tweeted it It's the internet. Thanks. So what what specific thing on twitter freaks you out the most what what gets under your skin on twitter?

Um, well, here's the other thing. I'll I'll go look at my name I don't look at I don't just because I want to see the negative shit So I'll just type in my name. You truly are a comedian. It's such a comic. Oh my god I look at my name because I I was like, I can't wait to retweet some of these guys and like talk shit Because they don't think because they don't think they have like 36 followers and they're like, I'm just gonna say it Fuck it and then I loved I love to think of them going to sleep and then waking up and being like What the fuck and like having just replies and then because I know I know they get I know their their heart beats a little bit

You and Tom are so sick both of you laugh dude how exciting what okay I've seen you do it tomorrow people obviously the biggest one ever was this Logan Paul one Which I know you've probably discussed as in the ad nauseam, but just to People never let's go. Yeah, that's the the youtube guy He's a young guy. He has like a fucking crazy millions 24 And he has like millions and millions of subscribers on youtube millions and millions of people Follow him on social media. He's a very young demographic. Yeah. Um, and he got a lot of shit Obviously when he went to japan

He was filming vlogs and he made one where he went into like the suicide forest filmed a dead body. Oh, and then You know made his video and then people Around the world were just like dude. You need to reevaluate. Yeah whole leaven You know, he went off for a while. Anyways, so he's he tweets out that he has A video that like everyone needs to see or something and christ just goes like no, they don't And this guy is like This guy doesn't say here Oh, yeah, I'm laughing because I know why your comedy career took a dive. Okay

Which so that's what this guy right says back now when you see that What you called it on the top? Yeah, we come back. Yeah That's the name of the file is a week come back. Um, so when you see it though, yeah, you see it, uh Your your your adrenaline's going right like you gotta be excited when I saw that I I was like I I I like Yeah, I was like so like oh I I almost was like Oh, no, like this guy like what is he doing? So you had a very calm assessment. It was very calm. Yeah

It was very calm, but it was excited. Yeah, but in my in my in me how long between this and you With what is soon to be the greatest the grand slam the grand slam of all time. How long does it take? It was it was a few it was not like a few minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then when you drafted it You knew you had a fucking I I that was just the one I knew I I knew I was like that's just what I was like that this is what this is what the the joke is Like there's not like that's look at this So this is What chris responds with?

At least when my career dies you can film it and put it up on youtube It is retweeted 150,000 times. Oh my god, and liked Six hundred and sixty five thousand times crazy. I I got it. I didn't think it would do that right? How could anyone assume? Yeah, no, no, but you're like is a good one I literally was like, uh, this is the right thing to say. It's funny. You know, I would think it was funny If I I imagine someone else say I'd be like, oh, yeah, I would be like, oh, wow Well, it is like when you know like when you've done roasts roasts, you know most like the like the real experience Roast writers will tell you when you're gonna when you what?

The approach to writing a roast joke is Actually do the thing that you think of when you think of that person. In other words, if you're roasting Um, uh, a giant fat guy, right? You go and they're like if you think like if everyone thinks of well that guy's enormous That's the wheelhouse because then it becomes a relatable joke. Hmm, right? So if the person is if the person everybody knows the reference everybody knows This guy filmed the fucking dead. That's the a lot of people. That's how he was introduced to him So it's like it's like a perfect. It's great. Roast joke because it's like it's a putdown, but it's not like a

Too aggro. Yeah, I didn't want to be person. I mean, I guess it's a little bit personal, but not really but like I wasn't Yeah, oh man, it's so great But but yeah, and then I I and then I went to bed and then I woke up and it was like, you know 200,000 likes and shit and you and then like you must be getting text from people and oh, yeah Yeah, dude, it was like doing the tonight show in the 80s people I would be walking on the street and people were like, hey man got your back from login. It's like It was so funny, dude. It was so funny. It was like, uh But he tries to come back. Yeah, and then and then I started to be like dude. I just

Like like don't and why is he he's losing? He was just like flayed. So like I was like, yeah I was like, I don't want to keep going. I didn't want to really keep going But I will because I'm me and I'm like, I love it. You know what I mean? You're a thanks and how does it feel to have your name finally attached to something fun? Oh my goodness But people it was like the it was it was it was not even really The credit goes to how much he People didn't like him. Right. That was what people were retweeting. That's not necessarily Well, it's the joke, but it's it's because it's attached to somebody. Yeah, who's done something wholly unlikable and you're

Yeah, but I mean he he was like he Like people didn't people Hated him before that japan shit and now there was a reason where it was like Oh great because I mean he would go and annoy the shit out of people and be disrespectful and shit He was like the the The tom green but the tom green was funny. You know what I mean? Like but like where it was like, okay, but be funny You know, I mean any like Follow-up to this whole thing anything that like as far as like somebody reach out to you from that knows him or anything like that or no

No, not really. No, I mean he he uh You know, I don't know the guy. I mean for all I know he's in in the On his phone just like oh, this is funny. Oh, this is fun. I'm yeah. He's having a good time Maybe he is and I'm if I met the guy and he was nice fucking out who cares like I'm not a you know, I mean like if you do something fucked up, which that was pretty fucked up what he did Yeah Um, you know, maybe maybe he genuinely doesn't you know, he feels terrible and he's who knows Maybe he's a fucking reform good guy. I don't know but uh, but like I you know, I I fuck up

Yeah, you fuck up. Yeah, of course, but it's like on twitter. It's like did you hear from anybody who you never heard from in Like supportive in other words, it was like, oh my god, like famous. Yeah, uh I don't know. I saw some people that retweeted it that I was like, oh, wow, that's funny. Oh, right. I can't remember. I can't remember who but like, uh Um, when I you know what I posted it on instagram Yeah, I posted it on instagram the screenshot and like people like Like steve we got to put steve oracle was like wow man. Oh, yeah, like that kind of shit. That's great. Um, yeah So stuff like that People like I don't want no part of you man. I don't want any business with this. Yeah, like dillon mcdorm. It was like nice

So funny like that kind of shit. Um Hey, so give us here. We were watching this tell your your assessment of uh, what's going on with this girl I need some dick badly I'm fucking tired of wasting This good ass fucking pussy. Oh, yeah, I'm fucking tired of it. I'm fucking tired of my pussy just fucking wasting

So do you feel like, um Would you ever have sympathy sex with someone? Like would you throw someone a bone that you're not that attracted to? Well, she's attractive. I'm saying I'm relating something that's not necessarily related to this. I'm just saying would you would you ever throw? I don't know. I never have um, you're never like, uh, you know, I'm not she's not but she's Sounds like you have Because that's not where my brain was going with this and I was thinking of like this real homely girl one time on a cruise that I was like Yeah, I knew I knew it was because of personal experience some girl you bone on a cruise

Some pig I can't believe you never told me this i've known 13 years 14 years. What am I gonna bring it up? We talked about our I want to know so was she real fat was she ugly? No, she was just like And I was like, how did it she was like I want to uh, she was just kind of like, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah lagging behind And I was like kind of went talk to her Because she looks broken and no I want to talk to someone else. Oh, and so what happened was the next day Uh, when homely was like kind of like hey, I was like

and then uh, and then I I got a direct one until the one I wanted to okay. How old are you? Young. Yeah, this has to be 35 36. Oh my god. I was uh, 21. Oh wow. Yeah, very sounds like a real dick thing to do. Now. My dad was on the cruise too Did he know no he would while he kind of knew he was like he was um, you could tell it was like He he was keeping it You know, he wasn't being like gross That he was like it's funny like to watch you like you kind of like lay back

Because he would see me before he would go he would turn in real early You know, but he'd like oh, I see what you do You kind of like lay back and you kind of like assess like a like a hyena. Yeah. Yeah Hang back and then and then you kind of make your move after you've assessed the room and I'm like, yeah, I guess I'm alone. I'm alone on a cruise with my dad. Yeah, we call vulture. Yeah, they know the meat is fresh and I'm gonna wait I wasn't one of these guys who was like because some of the guys especially at that age, you know, like really like yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, I would like wait, you know, so Okay, so I was related to that so I

Need story. I've never I've never done that, but I don't think I don't think I would I don't know. I don't know So this animal though. She um I don't know. We're trying to I was first we were trying to we were like playing Thinking about her as being real and then I was like, maybe she's doing a bit like because she knows She would get but then I I want to get fucked now. Okay. I should be able to get fucked when I want to get fucked She's got a point. I worked so fucking hard and I never got no fucking time I deserve

To be getting my face fucked right now. Okay big cock in my throat. Mm-hmm. Yeah Yeah, suffocate me so I can die and go to fuck with heaven and fuck who I want to fuck up there, too But wouldn't that my whole whole thing with this is like, how are you having a problem getting? Yeah Yeah, well because she's doing it for views. I mean, uh, you don't think it's a legitimate request for dicks in her throat No, I mean, there's plenty of guys that would do that I don't it's like if you're gonna be a slut be a slut for real You know what I mean? Yeah, don't don't joke around about this shit Because this this shit is real life because those real sluts get offended when fake sluts

Trying to be sluts. This is the game, dude. Yeah. Yeah, if you you know, you can't be all You know, go go to target and say this shit, right? Fuck my face Then we'll see then we'll see because that's what I'm saying It's not hard for a woman to get that like you can't just go out in public I get you want You want you you don't just want any guy to fuck your face sounds like she does Yeah, but if she but she would go I mean she could go outside and there's not like a homeless guy or guys out of jail Yeah, or even guys that she isn't feeling. You know, yeah, it's like she wants

Yeah, that is annoying as shit because it's it's like for for views and all that and and that's that is just I mean talk about the internet that to me. It's like that's what's wrong That's just like that's another thing wrong with it. It's like just a little Tay shit or whatever the fuck you've seen it Little Tay. Yeah, well, she's like nine years old. She's like I'm nine years old. I got more money than you bitches Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's really gross good for the future. Were your parents. Yeah. Yeah, all right. They're probably posting it Yeah, they are I'm sure but like what are you doing? What are you doing and then and then and then the um The how about now cash me outside girl? Yeah Who saw her on dr. Phil and was like, oh, I want to see her rap. She has an album now

She's an album and like 10 million I looked I looked yesterday 13.5. Wow Who the fuck I get I like, you know, you know in 10 years are gonna be nobody but like 10 years that's that's generous. That's generous. Yeah, but I mean like Okay, well, yeah, maybe you're right, but I mean, I hope so but like it's like dude you're the glorifying the idiocy of America I guess but it's like It's so fucking weird, man

That somebody would look at that cash me outside girl and be like, what else you got You're a real talent. That's so weird to me. I know No, it's so you're saying you wouldn't F that girl. We just saw the other girl. Yeah, no way. That would be a fucking insane. Why why no way? It was because well, first of all, she's crazy. Okay. Yeah You can tell right there. She's crazy You know because we see these videos so much and I'm like, I can't tell is it mental illness is a Anybody that would put that on there is a crazy person. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I haven't dated since the 90s

So, you know, I'm right. Right. Friendster was around with Tom. Yeah. Yeah. No that that yeah I don't know this shit anymore. Yeah. I was trying to find this one. I didn't realize Tom was getting it on cruises Was it a carnival cruise? It's real bottom of the barrel. Tom cruises are horrible. You know, well, yeah, I went on too. I had one Good time I was 21 and I went with a girl and it was so fun And then I went on a fucking cruise on a bachelor party and I wanted to jump off It was the worst. Have you ever done the gig on the cruise ship? Uh, no, I won't. I won't. No, no, no, no I came real close. Yeah

I got a call and I you know, I didn't have that much money and And the agent was like now you'll have to do like this welcome aboard thing Oh, no, and then you'll have to do like two clean sets. Oh, but then you get to do one dirty set get to Yeah But the good news is and no, but it was like a thousand dollars more than I was used to making right and I was like I think I remember this is like oh seven and then I feel like something Came up like an international gig where I was like, oh, I actually can turn this on

It was relief. It was when I turned it down. I was like, oh my god Oh, wow, because I wasn't prepared to turn it down really. You know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Um, they were I was this close to getting an offer to do Olivia cruises the the lesbian one Oh, really? This is like this is when we were living in the rampart division. Yeah, there was talk of it And I was like, I don't know. I'm not gay. I might I might Shout out to god I wouldn't love to see the person just shooting it just so like

I don't know Okay, but by the way those people unless her parents are rich like she's not making that much money No, there's no fucking way. They're not it doesn't I like what what It's like it's like these the girls on instagram that are like have like 10 million followers that are Like where they're like by this tea or fucking coffee scrub. Yeah, body shit. It's like They're first of all uh Their followers are all

Men so they're they can't sell shit to ladies They're not making that much money that what what is what brand is paying her like what what what brand is paying her? What what what is is windex paying her? No, it's it's what brand it's like And there's no there's also that's like the you know, the big thing is like there's obviously no skill set there Well, yeah, yeah, yeah Well, and and I get and I get that's if you're 12 who cares just like I want to watch that shit But like this is the the the following of a spectacle. You're just watching the spectrum, right? It that that is just oh my god, man. You guys have kids. It's like imagine

It's never gonna happen to our kid. No. Yeah. No, I I Obviously, but I mean just imagine if you had that kid that was like God, I want to go see that girl. She's gonna be at the house of blues. That's the thing is that they all have these tours He's like this girl Like nah, bro. No, come on. We're all going No, you're not No, I'm just like the next day. I'd be like I bought you eight books last night. Yeah Yeah, yeah negative

Um, yeah, so she said, you know, I'm saying a lot. This is apparently Uh, somebody who drops everything like that a lot Um, yeah, you know, we had a few odd man rushes there in the first period Which was uh, not good for us But I mean everyone had their nerves going everything like that and then Which we were glad to just keep them to one and everything like that And then we went back in the after a period in the locker room Just talked about what we need to fix and everything like that stick to the game plan

Get back on it and everything like that. So oh Stiffen up defense and everything like that. Oh Oh, no, come on from him coming in here to the tournament. Um, yeah I got a nice uh long text from him this morning saying, uh, don't let the atmosphere You know, get your nerves shaken up and everything like that Play your game Which is what I try to do out here and everything like that. Oh my god Definitely help from him and everything like that

Um, it should be a great game. I can't wait to play him. I know they're uh doing good Only one loss on the season. I believe in everything like that He can't even He doesn't know what he's doing. He doesn't know what he's doing. He's gonna see you later I know here. We did it for him. Here's a bunch of your everything's like that, man Everything like that and everything like that everything like that everything like that everything like that, you know Everything like that everything like that everything like that everything like that Jesus christ, that's mortifying because you're right. He's probably not consciously doing it

I guess you know what's seeing that makes me feel a lot better for people coming up giving me back hand a compliment You don't know what you're saying Yeah, and I especially you know with uh with with people with athletes period at any level It's like sometimes we we expect a uh Just a a better a hero and also just somebody to be as articulate as a broadcaster Sure, it's just a guy that fucking skates and bangs his head against you And then he's like and everything like that And we're like, how come you talk stupid?

It's like cuz I I hit stuff and everything like that He doesn't know what he's saying Whoa, is that a new thing and everything like that? I think so Oh man, that's hilarious How about this was from the 2016 Man, that's something that's so funny. He has to have been his friends have talked about that sucks You know what sucks if you're not famous and then you become famous for something at least with like you guys It's like, oh, yeah, but we I got a body of work. You know might know me from but like

Oh my god That guy just being being the fucking or being the guy who like fell down and got shit on his eyes Yeah, or like that's your the internet sensation Or being I mean, this is a more dramatic example, but this this lawyer in new york Who's uh, you know, he was like screaming at people for speaking spanish and like that now it's that's you forever Like you're the racist lawyer no matter what he ever does. He'll never get away from that white lady Who was who called the police on those black people? And and and she deserves it. That's the thing

Yeah, like even smart people are like, well, you deserve that You know what I mean? Like that's they're barbecuing with uh, man that when and then when and then when everybody went and had the barbecue the next day It was the it was so that shit is just so fucking did that thing But I think reminded me of kids where you remember when like when you're a kid You can tattletail and then if somebody or somebody Goes like this isn't something that tattletail about you get emotional because you kind of know you did something wrong There's a camera on her someone's filming her when the police arrive and she's like Yeah, I know she starts breaking down and it's like I think she's breaking down because she knows

Yeah, she knows it's she's fucked. She's fucked. I miss that but she but she starts to twist it as um, I was just so scared this whole time. Oh my god, it's horrible dude. The memes of that lady are the funniest man Like like obama and michelle kissing and she's in the background I know the memes are the best. Yeah, uh, fuck the internet is so great though. Never lose that shit That and um the royal wedding we love those memes that came out like people were cutting in um coming to america Oh That music

There was that one. I saw the stretch one. Oh the because it had the black preacher and they laid Um, uh, what's his name? Arsenio hall. Yeah as the Preachers audio and it looks no it kind of matches really. He's like we're very own of randy. What's it? No? Oh, man. Fucking amazing It you know what you know what sucks is like I try so hard to come up with jokes and be so funny And it's just I just feel like it you'll never be I'll never be as funny as some bullshit like that That's a talent. That's a skill too. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, I know I know I know

Yeah, fuck that's that's so funny It's pretty great. Um So wait, where's this? Oh, check out this. This is a lady who definitely has I don't know what the fuck is going on with her but she goes into Taco bell And she's already funny. When's the last time you ate taco? I know I know the answer. I know the answer Okay, I was 19 That's a long. Yeah. It was a long fucking time ago and it was in union square in uh, new york city

And what what made it the last time I ate taco bell I walked I ate it all at the taco bell. I walked out and I thought I thought that wasn't that that wasn't that wasn't that good Yeah, and and it doesn't feel that good. No, and I thought I'm never gonna eat taco bell ever again. Yeah, and I thought You know how everyone always says they're not gonna do something but then they always end up doing it again Yeah This time i'm not gonna do that and I haven't eaten it in fucking Almost 20 years. It's been 19 years because that resolution to stop eating taco bell

I too had it in wisconsin after the shows in 2011 I drank um three glasses of red wine and taco bell was the only thing open. I hate when that shit happens Yeah, and I had a mexican pizza and a bean and cheese burrito great. They're great And I won I tried to sleep at 2 30 in the morning and I wanted to vomit all night long And I I did the same thing. I never again and and you did it ever again never again. Wow. Do you know neil hamburger? I don't know him personally, but you know about us. Have you seen the taco bell thing? No This is one of my favorite social media thing really all the time. So what neil does Semi-regularly yeah, is he will go on twitter and use the search function to and he'll just type in like taco bell

And retweet what people are writing really about taco bell and it's all shit like I threw up on my taco bell Taco bell got me feeling. I feel like I've been poisoned. I think taco bell poisoned me Fuck you taco bell. Just puke taco bell It's amazing, that's funny. Yeah, it's it's absolutely fantastic. Um, yeah, he uh, he fucking Oh, man, is that him by the way? Yeah, that's him. Jesus. I didn't know what he looked like. Well, he does that. Um Is he the guy that goes hamburger? No, that's hamburger jones. Okay. Yeah, that shit kills me Yeah, I remember seeing that on deaf jam like the first time I saw that I was on the floor Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, and I was like

I also had that thing where I'm like, there's no way he's gonna keep this up Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and then I came to find out like that's 100% is that that's so funny because he doesn't curse So every time really first he says hamburger. Yeah, I mean, yeah, so it's like I'll never be that funny I walked out and I'll say hamburger like yeah I mean it's shit like that that makes me want to quit. I'm like, all right. Well, I give up that we were talking about um earthquake doing a gig somewhere and My agent your agent too was like, uh, he's like man It was like

So devastating the level he was killing it. Oh, he was like, you know, it was like like the building Was gonna yeah calm like fall down and he goes you'll never kill that hard and And I go, oh, I know and then I could tell he was like, I mean, I didn't mean like You won't kill. I was like dude. I know exactly. Yeah, and by the way, I will never right, right, right, right? Yeah, I've been in rooms. Oh, dude. I went to you know, donnell rollings, right? Yeah, like just I mean Plains could be crashing into the improv and you wouldn't notice that's how hard he's killing. Yeah, right, so

I remember they wanted me to do and I I I I don't it's not my favorite gig, but I like doing it because I know sometimes the students want want like guys that they like and shit and I know sometimes they ask for me but like the um the uh The rose bowl shows at the improv you ever do those? Uh, okay so I guess people don't know at home, but like every every year whoever's in the rose bowl Yeah, the football team the football teams. They'll have two shows. Yeah one for each team and they're always at like 5 p.m. Yeah

And you know, they'll reach out sometimes. I guess if the coach was you know, the coach will be like these are the comedians we want or some and Um, so they asked me and you know, if I'm in town, I'll do it because you know, it's cool that this this kids are They're students, you know what I mean? Like they're so I go in and I um, and I'm like who's on the lineup and I don't even really ask this all the time, but uh I was like, who's on the lineup? They're like Theo Donnell A few other guys and I was like great. I was like, uh, she was like, um, this is the lineup She sends it and it's gonna be I just remember the last three was gonna be Theo me and then Donnell and I was like

I was like, uh, oh cool. Uh, I don't want to follow follow Donnell, right? Yeah, because that guy just murders. Yeah. Yeah um, but I won't If if the lineup were to come out and say hey, uh, it's gonna be Donnell and then you I wouldn't have said Can I go before Donnell because I I part of me is like, I want to see if I could do it Right. Do you know what I mean? Sure. So so so I get there and and I'm I arrive and As I arrive I'm walking into the improv and I hear utter destruction on stage. Okay, so I'm like, oh, this is a great crowd

because Whoever's on is murdering. I can hear it from the platform. Yeah. Yeah, and um And I go up to and by the way, Theo's fucking hilarious. I follow Theo all the time. I know how to do it I don't follow Donnell all the time. Okay, so I've never done it. So so I'm I'm on after Theo and I go in And as the destruction is I'm I'm like, it's probably Theo on stage right now because I'm showing up almost at my spot time as this is happening the destruction out of the Showroom walks Theo. He's like, uh, what's up? And I'm like, hey, what's up? I was like, uh, oh shit, man

They're running behind, huh? And he's like, no, no, Donnell's on and I was like, oh, shit. So he got here early He's he was like, nah, I was like, so you're going on next. He's like, nah, I went on and I was like, uh, oh So, uh, there's only one more comic and it's me, huh? And he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you can crush though, man And I open the door to the improv uh I mean every single all men 260 plus pounds because they're the they're a football team. Yeah, they're all Standing up

They're standing up Going like oh They're all screaming jumping up and down shirts like this and donnell Is singing he's just like it's like it's like a It's like the joke of a black church, whatever it would be, right? He's like, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah That's what he's doing and they're fucking people are on shoulders

They're fucking losing their minds and I say, uh, I go I walk and rita comes up. I have anxiety right now Dude rita rita the only you know the rita. Yeah, she comes up and she's like she literally is like you're gonna do great And I'm like you're only saying that because you know, I'm gonna eat my fucking dick I'm gonna you nobody can follow this I'm gonna eat my fucking dick. I was like just end the show End it. Yeah But but part of me is like Ah, fuck it. I'm like, I haven't bombed in a while. Fuck it. I'll just go bomb who gives this shit

But then like you don't want these kids you want to like make these kids happy, you know So I was like, uh, I'll fucking go up and thea was like, oh, you know what open up with that Uh thing about how because it was happening I used to have a bit about how when black people laugh they relocate And they get up and they move around totally do that's fine. And that's what they were literally doing So I was like, oh, I'll fucking open with that great. Thanks, Theo. Uh, by the way, I haven't done the joke in seven years It was my first special So I was like, I'll just do that. I guess it's kind of annoying that I got to do that

But fucking and I can't you know, I don't feel confident enough but um I went up and that that bit ended up doing that bit did really well and then but then it like it like was like I was like, thank god. I'm only doing 15 minutes because I was like, there's no way I could sustain this It was like it was like the level of he murdered he murdered and it was just like petering out very slowly And I was like, I had to do crowd work. I was doing crowd work and but man, I mean like you're good at that though Well, thanks. I mean, I had to do that. But dude, I mean, I I don't think I've There's been maybe two or three times. I've seen somebody crush that hard

I cannot believe what Dono Rowling does Dono Rawlings. Yeah I've seen um No, there's no feeling to especially when you're like It's it's so when it's like this is going perfectly for that person Like so, yeah, like every line and like the audience has Absolutely losing their minds and I definitely want to go like no no no. Yeah, call it. Yeah Well, I'm filming this the degenerates of comedy. Oh, yeah, that's right. That's awesome

And they added the sixth person and you know who it fucking is Brad motherfucking williams and the first thing I type to josh. I go. I am not following brad Williams because he crushes like that too where there's nothing no, you can't follow brad williams There's no following that he's he there are some guys like that that are just like, I mean joey ds Joey too. I was like, I'm gonna fucking follow Joey. I mean that guy too. He and I are taping on the same night Oh, yeah, I go first. He's gonna go last. He's gotta go last. Oh, he has to go last. But I mean like they yeah Ah, fuck. I'm mad one time. I was walking. I mean, it's funny, dude I walk into the comedy store once and Joey Diaz is just like I know that you're fucking pussy and everyone's just like nah

And I'm like and I walk in and I literally walk in and I go Ah for fuck's sake like because I'm next, you know, it's so funny I I love that though because it's so like I failing is so funny, man You know what I mean? Like especially when you're gonna be the guy to fucking eat You know, it's coming. You know, it's coming I also feel like you know after you've done this a while like when when you're like looking back. I feel like you you You think of more adjustments oddly enough earlier on for me Oh, I totally agree with you dude. Like now if I'm like if I'm after someone just

Lighten the place on fire. I'd be like I'm still just gonna go up there and it's either gonna work. Yeah, where it's not gonna work Yeah, it's and I'm like a Slow starter anyway. So if I follow someone killing a lot of times people will be like, I don't know what you're doing Like it takes maybe for a few minutes. Yeah, but yeah You've always been like that though. Is that you've always known exactly who you are and what you're doing. You don't adjust for anybody I don't I don't adjust never happen I don't make any adjustments and like people who like like my dad who doesn't know shit about country like he's been to shows where he's like

Uh, how come you don't like, uh, maybe try to you know, make it for them And I'm like, but that's such a character strength and that's something I wish I would have learned earlier because I I'm the monkey that's like, wow, what am I gonna do? Should I dance this way? How about this way? You know, I don't do it as much now, but Oh my god, the hardest I ever bombed I followed a black guy. We're basically doing a black guy compliment Yeah, but yeah, um black guys really who it was a guy in Canada and it was all it was a canadian show all white audience obviously and his name is tricks and uh, wow and in them and like

10 15 minutes into my set somebody goes bring back the black guy Like they actually yell that wow and then I mean it went it went downhill real It went really bad really bomb like boo booed me off. Oh really asked me to leave. Yeah. Yeah, it was bad when It was 2013 It was a week. I always remember this detail It was a week to the day that I shot my first special a week after So I saw it was so interesting that like at the time your career highlight shooting a one hour special One week to the day later booed offstage. Oh later. It was after you shot your special

Oh, wow, that's the neat part about stand-up. I know that you can feel great about yourself one minute And then you can feel like a total piece of shit then. Oh, that's interesting great like showcase of what standard can be to people Shoot your special Yeah, everyone's saying out with the special like with the material that is your special Whoa, dude that that actually makes me feel better because it's like That's interesting because it's because your special is fucking whole because you're hilarious. Oh, thank you, but to be That funny and then to just have it not work It makes me feel better like when it happens to me, you know, I mean like where's nothing like bombing no one

You're never better than the room. You know what I mean? It's like Oh, the other by the way, the other person who I've never seen anybody kill this heart in this room I've seen people kill. Yeah had good sets there at the comedy magic club in Hermosa beach Rodman have you ever seen him? Oh, I know that guy. Who's that? Oh, oh, wait. Who is that this guy? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He was on um last comment. Yes. Yes. That's how I know He did us. He did a couple sets Mur really like the kind of shit we're talking about we're like he's closing this out, right? Yeah, like well now he is Oh, right, right, right, right?

Call this show over. Yeah. Yeah, they did it to me when I was starting to Headline the improv as they always put a black guy as my feature act I guess for diversity things and I like guys do not fucking put them like you're so fucking funny. Yeah, it's so hard to follow Yeah, they're fucking so hard. So funny. Um, all right, so check out this that we didn't watch this before so this lady Okay Okay, so so this lady goes in there. There's a camera rolling so she's she's dead wrong. She's she's wrong There's no Yeah, so at this point you go. Oh my bad. Yeah, let me get a taco or I'm gonna go find burger cake

Those are the two choices. All right, this is where she takes it Anything that's helpful Um, and by the way, so for people listening She's wearing like a workout, you know, like a looks like a sports bra. You know, she's her her belly is exposed Right. It's got headphones around her neck. I did his track pants. Yeah, I mean, you're like, all right I don't know. She's coming from the she's doing her post workout taco bell or burger king eating but But anyways, it's been the lady though Pearson working there is what has handled it correctly. Oh, definitely We don't have french fries

This isn't burger king so far. She's being helpful Okay, also still She's like, you're she's yeah, but she's getting irritated. Yeah person, but she's also like I like I know this this lady's starting to say, what do you sell that's like french fries? Yeah, that is what she's saying, right? Okay, and the lady the lady behind the counter is like the menus above my head As it is in all of these types, right? And by the way, you don't have to read it. There's pictures Right. Yeah, there's no extra thing that we don't have that's up there So you can read there anything that's like a french fry that you think you can get that

Okay, here's where the turn is going to take place The girl who was asking for fries said this is racism and its finest And then other patrons of this Taco Bell were like they have tacos and burritos. That's what they have here So, you know, wow And now This girl is first of all, she's getting emotional about is she on something? Yeah Or mental illness it's it's either or it's really a game of like is it mental illness or drugs? Yeah, I mean Which is bad game show

And I never So again the other the patron was like would you go to Burger King and order tilapia? He's pretty good. Yeah, which I love It's a very specific fish. He didn't say fish. Yeah, he said tilap pretty good very light fish, too Yeah, it is very light fish. Yeah I never I'm gonna go mental illness. Yeah. Yeah, maybe not drugs. Maybe yeah, because he doesn't seem manic She doesn't seem too low. It makes it less funny. I know I'm not familiar with the show

I usually doesn't deter us. Um, yeah, I mean, she's definitely going through something some maybe maybe It's uh, she's just went through a bad breakup and she's just like, you know, that's funny. Then that's fun Let's write that back. Yeah Her guy who loved french fries always like And then she here's the best is that she asked somebody else if they were french fries That's what she just gave away and that other person was like, yeah You're at Taco Bell. Okay. Now. All right. So if you were in the Taco Bell at this point What would you be doing? You would be doing nothing, right? Just watching ear to ear smile

And I would be praying that the guy that already yelled I'd be like, I hope he's got something else But you would stay stay I say out of it would you get involved? I think I would have to say something. She said something Let's say like right now because this turns like, um Unstable emotional behavior turns me off big time where I got like I don't want to be but I'm amused I'm amused at the people interacting if she said something Really fucked up or insulting. Let's say to the worker. Yes, then I would jump in right right, right, right Yeah, no when I see crazy unraveling I stay back and I enjoy just like Tom

If it's crazy if I know it's crazy then I won't engage But if if I'm like, you know, but she's probably crazy. She's like, fuck you bitch. Get me fries. I'd be like, hey Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, there's no fries anywhere even on the block like Okay, I mean that wow she really handled it really well the cashier. Yeah, she really did wow Wow Wait, is that viral now people are going to be going and asking for french fries You know Yeah, you guys have for hey guys go ahead and send us your videos of asking for french fries

Now del taco or taco bell Uh, I think probably taco bell is better del taco I I've probably had in my late in my early 20s, but um, I was I have you had the burger at del taco? Never. No, it's it was kind of good, but I I haven't eaten fast food and I mean, I've eaten in and out But besides that you're pretty clean. Are you pretty I mean, dude, I honestly here's what it is I eat pretty clean until 11 p.m. And then I just I thought I'm hungry real comics I was like, I got to get something to eat because what time are you going to bed usually? Two yeah, that makes sense. Do you sleep in usually?

Yeah, if I have nothing to do. Yeah, like even even this I was like even this when you were like 11 o'clock Monday I was like, oh good this way. I have a reason to get up to get up. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, but you have you know, you have a young Yeah, that's all. Yeah, that's all we've been making fun of scat singing for a while. Yeah You know the scat man, right the Things you need to do to learn to scat Right, you need to listen to no learning. It's not a skill. Especially Oh my god, it's not even a skill, right? I mean

I mean, do you need to learn seriously? And then my son does this he's two and a half. He's a pro. Yeah Is Wow, that guy is so serious about that. He's super serious and now there's you know what handboning is Uh, I know the word. What is it? So this guy is a handboner um And he also incorporates I think incorporates scatting into it too. This is going to encourage me. It's just going to anger me I know it

No, it's the combination. You're good at it. I'm too It's too Um, completely useless skills combined Uh, the internet see the internet people will just find oh, it's like, oh, this is like you can do anything and just have a fan base absolutely Now you don't know what this is. I want to to be don't be don't be alone. Oh, I've seen this guy Do this I bet a couple minutes his balls smell better than his beard. This guy

I've seen this I've you know, I have you know, I have seen this guy. Why somebody made a meme about it I forget what it was, but it was really funny. Oh, he can go fuck himself because I don't think this is a fucking talent either Oh, fuck off with this you guys sells more tickets than I do. Oh, yeah size this place man all three of us Oh for god's sake. Oh fuck off I just hit himself You're doing it Whoa, hold on at what point in his life was he

He's old is this his career was this is like he was the because that makes sense in 1930, right? Right village guy. Like you can't hear the instruments. Yeah, so I'm just good to it from here. Um Yeah, but it's not It makes me so annoyed when they laugh me too It's not a talent Oh, no, he's literally it's your drunk grandpa at christmas. It's not a fucking skill Look at this asshole smile. Look how impressed he is That guy's a that guy

It's his fault. What is what like I want to know what that guy sees all the time that that makes him smile What does he see just war All of the time just people getting hit by cars just his whole day Are just people Yeah, and then he's like, oh not war. That's literally what he's thinking when he sees that guy Oh my god, fuck off. Yeah, here we go What's so funny? You know what nothing nothing bro

I hope he gets shot at the end of this. I think I literally think an hour I could do in an hour. I could go on over this. I could figure out 80 percent of this. Yeah I'll fuck off Do you think he sells CDs afterwards? Yeah Here's all right, here's the grand finale, right? Of course he does the grand finale Okay All right guys, I have a question for you. Okay, who's more talentless. Yeah The person on instagram

Who's just like the model and then they do meet and greets and they make like like Cameron Dallas for instance Right, like he's millions of followers. Yeah, and they do these tours where they just meet great right or this fucking asshole Like who's more talent who's less talent? Oh my god God damn, I think I think I think Well, just to remind you god, I don't know Like what's more I mean

Fuck the hand bone. I'm inclined to be like Cameron that's a good question. Like the internet model like that. Okay. It's beauty is an innate thing. You're you're blessed with it It's it's useless though. Just like that one's you it's a it's a good question. It's a tough question Who's more talentless? Yeah, like who makes you angrier? Let's let's go with the feeling. Well, that's different. This guy makes me angry Yeah, he makes me but I feel like the the cute kid is less talented because he's keys But that's all he is but he said he's handsome. He's a model. Like, you know, he models. Well, okay No, um, let's put it this way modeling's a skill. No, no modeling is a skill I I think it's hard to people buy tickets to meet that kid to meet him

Yeah, this people people buy tickets to watch them do that Yeah, he um, I think that fuck this guy. Well, there's this guy I mean, I'm just trying to find the argument here, but this guy At least Figured out something to do That's it. You know, um, the other guy and and tricked people into coming to see. Yeah. Who's the real asshole? I guess Yeah, I mean Imagine if we went

Oh, no Three of us went like how we would be crying. I mean, I have to eat an egg when we get through Okay, tom. Who's more talented him or the stay in the line stay in the line show christ That you'll see. Okay. Oh, yeah, it's a good idea. But in the meantime, you know, let's let's go through the logic here See that is it is Here's the other thing like, um Cameron dallas, right? That's his name. Yeah, that is cute. Nice day. Nice day. Nice day And this table

I paint mine to see this guy do this Where is he? I think he lives outside, uh, but I'm going by the uh, the four headlines and not all Not all his I feel like he's more talented than that. Fuck. I like this more. Yeah, I like this way more Put it this way if you were watching a movie And over the soundtrack this came on be way more interesting. Yeah. Yeah, you'd be like, oh, that's cool. What is this? Or if you walk into a room, you'd be like, what is this?

Fuck if you walked into a room and there's a small stage and this guy was doing this You're like, I know that song and and you kind of go but if some guy was like You'd be like, fuck this guy, man, absolutely He doesn't know the words They I'll tell you what But this guy's got rhythm this guy's got charisma This guy's got an angle the other guy feel like he's a hoodwink. I feel like he's he's bamboozling me

That's that's a good feel gypped when I see this the old fucking white You know what the intention is and you know if he's doing it well See because you know the song, you know the rhythm So you've say united You know that say united is the song and so when you hear someone singing it you're like, I like say united but You don't even know if that guy's hand-boning. Well, like when he does feel like I don't even know this I'll tell you I bet I I guarantee you there's other hand-bonus that are like, yeah, this guy fucking sucks

That is they're like And they're they're more mad than we are they're like, this is the fucking guy You never close with a you never No, there's another guy. I was like, you know the it's my thing. Yeah. Yeah, that's true How long have I been doing that? Yeah a long time. He's right right and then he's just Yeah, I mean he didn't even pop on that one. Yeah, but the amount of this is intricate too There's a lot of moving parts. He's got to sing the song. He's got to do the lung infection part He's got to hit his jeans

What's emphysema we are Dr. Drew came in and said I was emphysema. He's got he says he's upper respiratory issues I don't think you need to be a doctor to know that Wait a minute. How is this guy lived that long? Oh, no, what this guy's you know what he's 35? Yeah, 100% Yeah, but that's why it's so amazing. He's a medical marvel. He's working against his disease. Oh my god, but he looks like the last guy Okay There's a lot of stuff happening rhythm singing and he's like He's one of those guys that if you saw if you were standing there and you had

Loose cash in your pocket. Yeah, he's doing this. You might be like, yeah, hell yeah, but not fucking old there's also a just on a Behind his face You know, you're like you feel for him. Yeah, the other guy is like smug. Yeah, and you're like this fucking guy This guy you you want you are like, oh, I can see behind his face. He's like maybe, you know I mean, maybe he's crazy, but like you're like, I feel for him like he wants to entertain you And I feel like he's warped or something. Yes warmth. That's what it is. Yeah

Yeah, I want this guy wants to put on a good show. Yeah a long inspection guy Yeah, but the other guy the other uh, but yeah the the Fucks sake dude. That's funny. Do you uh by the way, you saw that lady the the tim Horton's lady, right? Take a shit and tim Horton Oh, yeah, I saw you I saw it from your thing. You repost it. Oh really? Yeah, it's so crazy and you know what in my head The I was like I was talking my opener and he was like, uh, what the what the fuck you think happened? And I I like I was like, oh, she's saying I need to use the bathroom They're saying no, you can't but you need to buy something and then I just like the only thing we discovered

First of all, you're right because we looked at oh is it? Yeah, okay happened, but the thing That also came out. Is it the reason that they said no to her specifically is because she was a known problematic So like it's like she came into their place and then like hey guess what? Yeah, no, then it's then it yeah She's well, it's a crime no matter what but If if I didn't know that if it was just me doing it and say anything about them no, you know, I'd be like I would My thought would be like I should shit on their floor and then give them the business and we'll see what's up

Yeah, yeah, so I I could understand her but if she was a known person then no, yeah No, that's crazy. She I mean Yeah, everybody's been we've been talking about this everyone's been sending in their um They're trying out Videos, do you know what I'm talking about? No, I'll try on the original. So the yeah, so this thing with your show Yeah, yeah, so this guy has a video that we play. Oh try it out. Yeah. Oh, yes. No, I know I know about it Yeah, what is it? It's this guy Black guys who love the fuck and fuck good

If you're a hot black guy, you want to fuck me at 23 95 if you want to move in you come move in But you gotta fuck you got a funny. I need to be fucked a lot, man Get rid free food free rent and everything else man. Here's a deal man Whoa, yeah You're a thug you want to come move in a friend can move with you, man Free rent you get a lease and a key. Fuck me piss on me beat me a homie. I know You see me when I come over today and try it out try it out, man If you're my building try it out. You want to fuck a piss on me try it out

If you have to fight only just fuck man. I'm looking for hardcore guys. I mean it and want to do it And I want to deliver it. I'm a hot full white trash. Come don't flip the fuck so that guy Try it out. Yeah Oh my god, he has wait, where do you find it? Well now people find it but now they find it for us It comes to us. So yeah, it's it's been. Oh my god. I know it's been so much since since that came in So what was the thing you're trying to people were trying to do it? Well, we want to you we want people to use it as a monologue and kind of be creative with it

You know when acting class for like bringing a monologue that's kind of yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, okay So people have been just you know doing their versions of it guys love to fuck Fuck good You're a hot black guy. You want to fuck me? Yeah, they start sending these in Black guys love to fuck This guy gets Right um

I'm building my cardio for black guys. You want to fucking fuck good. You think you can fuck me out of breath This guy did it in german It's amazing so and then The week before we had a bunch of women did it, you know black guys who like to fucking fuck good If you're a hot black guy black guys that love nice props props, right? If you were a black black guys who loved to fucking fuck good if you're a hot black guy And you want to really animated. Yeah a lot of energy black guys like to fucking fuck Jesus

She looks she's getting fucked So yeah, will you do one for us sure? Just you know camera. Yeah, I'll set it. I'll send it over if you want to shoot it good though I'm gonna use like a real camera. Yeah Yeah and I would love to see you do it. I mean people get real dramatic. Yeah. Let's give it like a real interpretation Yeah, yeah, yeah, so sure I'm gonna get it. I get a live studio audience. I'll do a sitcom acting

I would love that. How would you do it? Okay black guys who love to fuck yeah black guys like to fuck fuck good Yeah, try it out. I like to try it out is really I feel like Honestly, the guy was just winging it, but I think that getting to the try it out part earlier Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean? Because I don't know how long that is, but if you got it to a like a 35 second banger. Yeah, that would just be true. Look at him editing it and this is fantastic You want to move in you can move in but you gotta fuck you gotta move in you move in you can fuck What accent is that we've been trying to what do you think it is? That's a good, uh, right because we're trying to place it. It's not like moving

It's east coast for sure. Yeah, this is my building trot out trot out. Yeah. Yeah from my building Do you want to know the big mystery? What so we we played this audio for a lot of people There's one line where he goes, um, it's he goes piss on me beat me Piss on me beat me homey. I know that last part homey no so A lot of people thought he was saying homey man out like piss on me beat me homey on out homey man out Homey on out home homey on out like he's like, oh, hold me on out or homey homey on out. Oh, hold me on out Yeah, or uh, um, hold me on you piss on me beat me homey on out

And and then there was just like all types of submissions to what he's saying homey on out and then we we we decided That he must be saying he's like rambling through it And he's saying home here now because he gave out his address before so piss on me beat me. I'm like you can do it Yeah, could be home that's out home here now. Yeah, I like how you have forensics on yeah, we have forensics on it I tried different It's like that yanny, uh, laurel. Yeah, thank you. Did you find out? Do you know what actually was being said by I know what it is. It's actually laurel Yeah, well it well they say that if you're old enough you can't hear the higher frequency and the higher frequency

But he recorded. Oh, oh, oh, really? Recorded saying laurel. Oh really? So he was on an interview. He goes we said laurel But you're right in that it's also device. You were a yanny, right? I was a hundred percent yanny. I was laurel It was uh, and he said he's saying laurel But the pitch either that you naturally hear or the pitch that your device is playing So if it's a higher pitch, you hear because I put somebody played on their other phone It's like wait, but that sounds like yanny. Yeah, but how funny would it be if he was talking and somebody was just like Oh, yeah, because he's because a yanny and they're like, what are you a fucking lunatic? Yeah, like I said laurel

That's insane. It's insane. Um, I'm home here right now. I'm only in there. He says come in the building Yeah, he said he refers to are you in the building if you're in the building 2395. Yeah, I'm here now. I'm home here right now I'm home and he also cuts his own work Homeless or um your thug. He says men from jail Home, I mean, he's here's my address men from jail. Yeah, yeah and bring a friend which is yeah And they can move in here at least in a key dude How how weird is like sexual desire and preference like you have no control over it That's the craziest thing it is if you want to get fucked by a bunch of jail people in jail and that's what turns you on

Oh, well, yeah, that's how the cards fell. Yeah, you're like just cut it out of my brain then because that's what I Know. Yeah. Well, dr. Drew says it's a lot of trauma. Yeah, he's got a lot of trauma and he's kind of you know dealing Yeah, but you're right. That's that's the hard. It's the hard wiring Yeah with the trauma. That's a good somber. I told my fucking intern to make a sound bird It's the fucking worst thing in the world. It's the worst thing in the world. Really? You just click it and I have it. I click it. I'm waiting 20 seconds And I'm talking about something else and that's like Okay, okay, fuck my black guy. Oh by that time. I'm like, it's over. Yeah. Yeah. Um, all right. Oh, so

I don't forget. Um Just let me pull this up Chris did we do how long have we been doing this? We've been we're over the two hour mark Damn that flew by that was so fun. You need to come back. You're such a great. Yeah. Yeah, please I can't wait for you guys to ask me. I'm never the guy's like, let me do your podcast, you know But I don't I want to do so few podcasts, but obviously I wanted to do yours. Well, no, we're so happy you came Chris is on a big tour right now. He's doing a lot of venues go to chrisdalia.com click on the tour And you can see he's coming up in let's see the count basi theater in red bank

Wilmington delaware Reading pennsylvania tulsa Looks like he's going to be close to or okay. See midwest city dallas. They're all at chrisdalia.com How's the tour been going fun? It's fun. Yeah, so far it's good. I mean I kind of just started but it's been It's been good to do theaters again because I stopped I I did it like years ago I did a theater tour and then I was like, I want to do club. We were talking about this I want to do clubs, but then I was doing like 40 shows and I'd like to dc improv. Yeah You're doing Carnegie Hall. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, pretty cool. Yeah, very cool. Have you done it yet? No

I'm not there yet. Geez. Come on. Yeah All right, so that's it. And then of course Congratulations is the podcast. Yeah, I have a lot of fun doing that. I didn't think I would I I didn't know You're one of the few people that could pull off the solo podcast too. Yeah Yeah, uh, yeah, I I was like I'm I when I started I was like, oh, I don't want to do I don't want to have to rely on getting guests. Yeah, of course We had no guests for two years. Oh, really? That's the reason. Oh, that's cool. We just we're like, let's just do it Yeah, way and then so why just start getting guests just because just we have the studio

But you can do it by yourself, right? You still do sometimes That's cool. Um, yeah, um, I don't know and then I was like, I'm just gonna do it and I was like Uh And I was like, do people do it? Solo and I was like, I knew burr did it solo And then I think like Theo started doing it around the same time I did it and we were like, oh, yeah, you do it by yourself too And but it but then it I was like because I I was like, I don't think I can do an hour talking

But then after like two episodes, I was like, oh, I get it What do you do? Do you go in with like a kind of like just like a I mean sometimes nothing, but but sometimes Um, I'll have like three or four things like You know, you like this happened. I'm gonna talk about yeah, like if I if I like Yeah, exactly like the Taco Bell thing or if I saw it or like, you know, or like, uh The Met Gala I'll talk about that. It's basically like a riff thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you go in there Yeah, and I get bits out of it too, which is cool. That's cool. Yeah. We've gotten bits out of this. Yeah. Yeah, for sure It's great. Um, and your instagram is very funny. Yeah, it's great. I like the I'd like the those highlights too from the

Oh, cool. Yeah. Oh, thanks. Um, yeah, so go see chris live or of course, he's at the comedy store all the time listen to Congratulations come see all of us at the comedy store. Yeah, bro. Um, this is a A song let's say this is therapy breakthrough by Pete sake to take us out And I think it has a bunch of uh, trying on out to try it out and Dr. Drew being Oh, I love it. Great. All right. Thanks guys. We'll see you next week. Bye jeans I think you would all be like this is one sixth twisted Oh The screaming is like it makes me

These schizophrenic and dangerous. He's a kind of complete lack of emotion. Thank you. I have what's called empathy. Why do you have it? I think it's a red flag. He's a second I'm nearly schizophrenic and dangerous. He's a kind of complete lack of emotion. Thank you. I have what's called empathy. Why do you have it? I think it's a red flag. He's a second Tills that hooker kills that hooker kills that hooker I think you think you're a serial killer. I'll kill us both. That's where to go to well Now you're in an awkward conversation with a serial killer You're about to get out to get burned

Do you know what kind of a psychopath I look like screaming is like it's it makes me laugh The screaming is like it makes me laugh The screaming is like it makes me laugh I hate who I'm becoming socially doomed I'm just saying for Jesus. I've never considered that. There's no psychological training. You can pick that up. Everything is psycho playing Am I out of my mind? That's right. I'm crazy. Remember my face. You know when you just get like real rage like And then I fucking killed the guy. What would you do as a kid? Were you twisting rabbits next?

What would you do as a kid? Were you twisting rabbits next? What would you do as a kid? Were you twisting rabbits next? Think you're a fucking shrink right now Don't go there when you're talking to a sick person. I'll really piss him off and then he'll let it let me have it And I know that you suspect that my husband is a psycho He's a functioning psycho With me verbal thick something's really wrong with me verbal thick something's really wrong with me verbal thick Something's really wrong with me verbal thick You're about to get burned

This really feels like it feels like it makes me laugh This is the best photo You