Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 468-Finesse Mitchell-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: October 3, 2018

Burps? Yup. Face farts? Uh-huh. Jizz into a cup and then sip your own? You know where you are.  It's another episode of the award-winning, life-altering, always enlightening YMH.  More evidence that not only is Christine a snitch, she's a hypocrite too! Plus SNL alum Finesse Mitchell stops by to talk some ish and promote his new special, The Spirit Told Me To Tell You, coming to Showtime October 19.

Hey, what's going on? This is Bill Burr from the All Things Comedy Network. I'm very excited to tell you that we are going to be releasing a stand-up special from the unbelievably talented, unbelievably hilarious, and unbelievably original Ted Alexandro. He has a new stand-up special called Senior Class of Earth. You can check it out exclusively at ATCspecials.com and follow the All Things Comedy Network for more ways to support your favorite comedians. This is huge for us. This is everything that All Things Comedy was about. We wanted to get in business with great artists and help them to maintain control and ownership of what they created.

And this is our first foray into that. Once again, it's called Senior Class of Earth from the great Ted Alexandro. You can check it out at ATCspecials.com. And the real thing on the face of art. It doesn't make sense to me. I can't put it together what the face of art is. Absolutely amazing. Humongous thanks from me to all of you for making the Take It Down Tour pre-sale and on-sale a wild success. It's bananas, Jean. I don't think people understand how fast your tickets are going.

Yeah. You're selling out big theaters within within hours, minutes. So if you guys want to go see Tommy, go get your tickets right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now. Well, here's where we added. Added second shows in San Diego, Dallas, Medford, Washington D.C., Chicago, Tampa, and Oklahoma City. Geez. Some of those are not until, you know, midway through 2019, but they've gone fast. So I really am

thankful, honored, humbled. Thank you very much. By the way, the just a quick point out that normally in Boston you do, you know, I would do like a run at the Wilbur, but Wilbur wasn't available for all the nights. So that's why I'm doing the Chevalier, which is in Medford. I think it's about 20 minutes from downtown. So Saturday in Boston at Wilbur went lightning fast. Crazy, and that's a huge venue. I mean, so the Chevalier is the one we're gonna do Friday. So if you are in Boston, that's just, that's just where I can add. Thanks very much. They're all at TomSkirro.com.

Also, restating again for all the other cities that you would expect me to go to, I will come. I swear to you. Those dates will be announced later. That'll be for the second half of 2019. We'll announce it on the show. You can get on my email list and you'll get first dibs. That's gonna be, you know, Toronto, Vancouver, Minneapolis, Austin, New York, Los Angeles. All those are coming. It'll be later in the year. All right, Gene, where can people see you? Well, I've just picked up the show November 10th in a place called West. Let me see if I get this right. West Siloam Springs, Oklahoma. Can you believe I'm going there?

Oh, snap. One night, one show only at the Cherokee Casino there. That should be fun. I've never been to Oklahoma. So there you go. It's Oklahoma, I thought. Oklahoma. You're right. Sorry, I mispronounced that. We've added the 10 o'clock show San Diego, California, November 24th. That's Thanksgiving weekend. Get out of the house. Come see me. Get out of here.

Get out of here. Take a hike. And then December 7th, I've added a late show in Fill Her Up Delphia, the first show sold out. So we've added a 945 PM show at the Punchline in Philly and that one on sale two days. So get those tickets right now, right now, right now. Also, JewDorkTitties sold out first show, added second show, 1030 PM at the Gramercy Theater, JewDorkTitties December 8th. Look at you. Look at you.

Look at you. Me and my guerrilla tits and I are telling Joe, I want to call this tour. These tits were made for talking. Yeah. But my agent was like, no one can say that on local news. Yeah, they want to be able to plug it. Yeah, that's the problem. Or guerrilla tits. What about, what if you just made it Spanish?

I like that. Like these tits were made for talking. Then they're like, I'm not sure what I'm saying. Then you have all these dorky news people, like these tits were Tittas? Christina Peklinski is going to be at the huge tits for your face tour. Yeah. In town. I'm taking suggestions for tour names, guys.

I know that's probably dangerous. You think? Can I tell you something though? I think nothing would make me happier than doing like a fan-based tour name. Like if someone actually, a mommy came up with it. And also I wanted to point out, a lot of people ask me, oh, if we're coming to shows this weekend and like next month, are we not seeing the new tour?

No, that is the new tour. It's just not branded as it. But of course it's the new hour. So Sacramento, they opened up 100 new tickets for the late show this Saturday. I was going to tell you guys too, what I started doing is doing VIP things. So if you, it's like I reserve 50 tickets and if you want a VIP package, you get like a piece of merch and you get to sit in the front. Those are for only 50 tickets on my theater shows.

Oh my God. Just because I like my fans more than you, because I'm kind of a personality. All right. There you go. Let's start the show because I want to make my big announcement and then we have to make a phone call, right? That is so true. Let's do it.

Let's do it. I'm pregnant. Just kidding. Okay. Never. Here we go. All right. All right, folks.

Time for some more burps. Haven't had a video in a while, but it's time for some more burps. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving for this. Your mom in the fucking stand. Welcome, welcome, welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura, Tom Segura and Christina Pacific. Welcome to your mom's house.

Yeah. It's a very powerful burp. That was a very powerful burp. It's interesting because all the power burpers we've showcased on this show, they all sound alike. It's like that deep, like that girl in the nice dress that did it. Yeah. Sounds similar to this guy.

Similar. Sorry, I said that word. It does sound similar. Yeah. Yeah. There's this lovely burper actually had a friend here and went for a double burp. Oh, dueling burps. Pretty cool, right?

It's really nice. Yeah. This is going to be our house. I was just going to say that. You know, and thank goodness I like this kind of stuff because it's all happening. It's all going to happen in our home very soon. Hey mom, you see our burp video? I'm like, yes, because you and I like it so much, they're not going to do it.

That's true. They might be like, God, you guys are so gross. I'm reading, God. Why are you so nasty? Yeah. It was nasty. I've got to be nasty all the time. Oh, wait, who said that?

Like, yeah, it was nasty. Oh, it was Doug Mallard about your farting in front of his fiance at the time. Well, that barely knowing her, he goes, it was nasty. It was pretty nasty. Yeah. We're at to make a call in a minute, but I would like to make a big announcement. Could you please play the chips in the bowl, sir? Sure.

Sure. One second. Very excited for you. Any horns you may have. Ships in a bowl. Big announcement. Tell me what you got, man. We finally have a release date for the Netflix standup comedy special, The Degenerates,

starring none other than the fantastic Joey Diaz, Yamanica Sanders. We got Big J. O'Kersen. Huge, funny, hilarious people. Brad Williams, who was a guest researcher on the show, and myself. And we're all doing 30 minute spots. It was shot in Las Vegas at a shit dump place. And it was fucking rough. I'm not going to lie.

This was definitely a rough shoot. You came with me. Yeah, I did. And I love, I love going to shoots where I don't have to stand up. It is so chill. You're like, what's the big deal? Yeah. So it's such a different experience.

I know you were ear to ear happy. It's great. Just go have fun out there. Go find it. So I shot this special. I was eight months pregnant. It was about 150 degrees outside. It's crazy.

I was sweating. The set collapsed on you. The set collapsed. I was, yeah, literally the door fell on me right before I went out. And the crowd was bonkers. And I don't mean in a good way. I'm saying there were, oh, yes, there were mommies there. Thank God.

But there were like straight fucking wackadoodles in the, in the audience, like people that may be hearing voices in their own heads, things like that. So it was kind of a miracle that this shoot happened. But anyways, check it out. Try it out for yourself. October 30th, the degenerates drops on Netflix. October 30th. Mark your calendars.

October 30th. The day before. The day before, hollow jeans. And, you know, a lot of people are like, why do the half hour, Christina? And when you've got hours, I'll tell you why I chose to do the half hour, because I ended up generating so much material, topical material on this Me Too move. And I was so inspired by all the crazy shit that was happening

that I couldn't stop talking about it. And I wanted to get it out as soon as possible, when it was still fresh and in the zeitgeist. So if you wait to do your next hour, it could be another year and a half, two years before that material makes it into the world. And I wanted to just get it out there to you guys now. So you'll see some crazy shit.

I don't know how it's going to land. I don't know what's going to happen. But yeah, we'll see what goes down. It's pretty exciting, Jean. It's very fun. You did a great job. I was at both tapings. Oh my gosh.

So hard. So crazy. Yeah. I mean, it's actually, you know, it's not fucking easy to do, shoot a special period, to shoot one eight months pregnant. So stupid. I don't know what I was thinking.

I think because I agreed to do it when I was five or four months along. And you don't think like, oh, how enormous and uncomfortable you will be by the time that shit crawled around. I was like, oh no, can I cancel this? I had to fly with a doula just in case I went in the labor, man. You were a champ, man.

It really, you really were. Yeah, it was fun. It was worth it in the end. And I'm glad I did it. And I, I can't, I'm looking forward to all those tweets telling me how fat I look too. Like, why are you so fat? Pretty wild, man.

Like you dummy. Because I got a baby in me. So it's been like a 30 diaper. Do you want to set this up or do you want me to? Well, do you have the sound drops that we can, this is, this is kind of a legendary call we're about to make right now. It's pretty amazing that this is a reality.

Yeah. This is a very old school your mom's house referenced. We touched on it when Andrew Santino was here a few weeks ago. And if you missed that, by the way, it was such a great episode. God, wasn't that nice? Yeah, he, he's really a natural. He's kind of an honorary mommy at this point. Yeah, he's really a great guest.

So one thing that was in the news was that I come at my dad's funeral, which was like one of our original mega drops. This was like one of the mega drop. Well, it was because of persistent arousal, genital arousal disorder. These people was a documentary we got our hands on, or these people just come all day. Yeah.

And it focused really on this one guy who, you know, he, he. When you're on your knees at your father's funeral, at his casket, and you're saying goodbye to him, and then you have nine orgasms right there, but your whole family is standing behind you. This makes you never want to have another orgasm as long as you live. Oh, why not? But you know what, you just keep on coming. The truth is like we, we laughed a lot.

Yeah, I was really, really provider of so many laughs. We laughed a lot. And then we, you know, of course you're aware that it's also probably not the greatest thrill for it to be a reality. But you know, this is what we do. We just kind of find something and we, we josh around about it. Yeah, we're, we're professional assholes. That's our job.

But anyway, in the news out of nowhere popped up that the person who went through this transitioned and so it was in the news again. And it turns out they got wind of it and want to talk today. That's amazing. I apologize for not knowing the original name, former name, but now it's Christine. What? Yeah. Well, clearly they've been listening to this show or hanging out with Joe Ideas.

If I can. That's so fucking awesome, dude. What a great name on the phone here. Hello. Christine, how's it going? I just wanted to say thank you for joining us today. So you seem very happy. That's great.

How about the condition? Does it persist as far as post-transition to the same degree? It's no, not to the same degree, not at all. But that's great. Right. Oh yeah, like when you when you strip the body of testosterone, testosterone is the chemical that causes, that triggers the orgasm. When you strip that away from somebody, they lose the ability to orgasm.

This is the same. It's kind of the same thing as chemical castration. This is why they chemically look at sex offenders. You strip the testosterone, there's no more sex drive. Interesting. That's fascinating. So in a way, it was kind of a backhanded compliment that my PGA gave me because the PGAD was the catalyst that allowed me to accept myself being trans.

Sure. Wow. Wow. That's great. That's great. So at its peak, what was like the most, I was saying by the way, I don't know if I was saying wrong. I was like, you're coming all the time.

Is that wrong? There's, okay. So let me clarify this because this is one of the biggest misconceptions of my story. The head's out there and that's whether or not I'm jizzing all over the world. Yeah. Dude, that's all. It's so important. I was like, when you were before you trans just now, I was like,

this dude's busting nuts all day, like everything's soaked and that's not true. No. Okay. So let me explain how this worked. Okay. Okay. Okay. The first few times that happened, yeah, I ejaculated.

Okay. Right. But when you have five orgasms in a row, back to back to back to back to back to back, without a break, it runs out real quick. So you were out of come, literally. Exactly. Yeah. So then what happened is over time, I was having so many orgasms that my pelvic floor

muscles got so tight that they pinched everything inside off. So even if I wanted to ejaculate, I couldn't. So just so you can understand this, this is like the world's worst case of blue balls times a billion. Oh, no. So it was actually. That's what I had to walk around with. Just like an ache.

An ache. Every day. Yeah. So you can never get rid of. Where's it? Oh my God. So was there ever, and I mean, I'm being honest here, was there ever moments of like, let's say before it happened, you obviously know that we'll just say an orgasm feels good

throughout. Once you, your condition came about, did at any time was any of this pleasurable at all to feel at all? This is, I mean, this is kind of complicated to explain, but I'll try my best. Okay. So we all know orgasms feel good. Yeah. Mental.

Sure. Okay. It's a release. But there was a lot of physical pain involved after a while. When I had those first five orgasms in the back of that ambulance on the way to the hospital, those felt good. Right. I mean, it was just like a normal average orgasm.

And the paramedics were like, Jesus, what's going on, man? The look on their faces was so priceless. Because you're having like, your eyes are rolling back. You're like, oh, like you're, yeah. Are you in pain? Are you in pain? They give me pain medicine in my IV and I'm like, I'm like, not just had a bunch of orgasms and they're like, what?

The one guy started laughing so hard. I know I was in shock. And this, just as a reminder for, and for people to know, this was after a back injury. Is that correct? Yeah. Okay. So this is another big misconception because Barcroft didn't let me explain any of this stuff. Okay.

In my story. Okay. So I was getting out of a chair. Okay. And I was getting out of this sideways. So I was in a recliner. My legs were over the arm of the chair. Okay.

And I pushed myself up to stand up. Well, my kitchen, as you can see, is right there. And my chair was right here. So I had to turn around 180 degrees to walk to the kitchen. Instead of taking the step, I decided I was just going to spin on my foot. And when I did that, my shoe caught the linoleum and my whole body spun and my back popped. And I spun around 360 and fell face first on the floor. And immediately my right leg was completely numb.

I couldn't move it. I couldn't feel it. Nothing. So you had nerve damage like immediately. Yeah. I mean, I have, I need to go through a five disc fusion in my lower back. But the surgeon said, if I do it, it's pretty much going to cripple me. So try to hold off as long as you can.

And would that let it done? You're not going to be the same. Would that alleviate your, your just, you know, disorder? The, or the. It might. It might. Nobody knows. There, you know, as of today, there is no cure for PGAD.

How many people have it? Do we know? No, we don't know. And we'll never know because of the reactions the public give us when we step out. How many publicly have it? Well, let's see. There's myself. There's Amanda Grace.

There's Kim Ramsey. There's Kara Anaya Carlisi. And there's another girl. I don't remember her name. She's in England. So she became a porn star or a prostitute, one or the other. Nice. So there's less than 10.

Yeah. That one public. And then there's Gretchen who sadly took her own life. Now, unrelated to PGAD, you, uh, did you know you wanted to transition always? Well, I mean, it's something I knew since I was a little kid. And there was tons. There were tons of signs people around me missed when I was growing up. Sure.

Like, okay, I'm like six, seven years old. My favorite show on TV is bosom buddies. Okay. My favorite singer was, um, oh boy, George. From Culture Club. Me too. Oh yeah. Shit.

I'm going to transition. Like, Pete, you guys laugh at me because I had bangs. Okay. Do you want to know what those bangs represented to me? He said because we made fun of his hair. I didn't make fun of his hair. His hair looked great. I said she looked great.

No. Oh, did we owe right now? Well, yeah. Everybody made fun of my hair. The whole world made fun of my hair. But let me tell you, those bangs were like the one thing that was like my grasp towards feminine. Oh yeah. That makes sense.

That makes sense. Okay. That's why I always wore them because I always wanted to have that look. But like, I mean, when I'm growing up in the early, late 80s, early, mid 90s, you know, but nobody ever heard the word transgenderism. Of course. Or transgender. No, no, no.

I think our sole view of it, like that type of person was the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Oh yeah, I love that guy. And everybody back then was attached to the gender binary. It's like the fuck, right? There's more than two. Yeah. I know. Back in the day.

Back in the day. I didn't know how to deal with it. I didn't know how to deal with all these things that were constantly going through my head, you know, as I'm growing up. So I just kind of manned up a little bit extra and kind of just turned the volume up on being a guy and like kind of overdid it. That makes sense. To sell it.

Yeah. But, you know, I was offered the opportunity to do a presentation at a conference called, it's called the ASECT conference. It stands for the American Association of Sexual Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. Yeah. 3,000 of the brightest sexual minds from around the world gather once a year to talk about all these things. Well, me and Kim Ramsey, one of the other ladies who came forward publicly with this,

were given the opportunity to give this conference a presentation on PGAD. 00:22:50,300 --> 00:22:50,700 Okay. Yeah. It was at that presentation in front of those people on stage behind the microphone, where I stopped my presentation mid-sentence and came out right there on stage in front of everybody. Oh, wow.

It's just something told me that if there was ever any time that was perfect to do this, this is it. That's great. And those people at that conference are the ones that set me up with all the people that I needed to have around me to begin my transition. That's great. Let me ask you this. We've been talking for a bit here, and the natural thing everybody thinks, wants to know when

they're dealing with you, is, you know, orgasms. So, you're no orgasmic sensations during this? Or have you been able to, like, suppress them? Well, I mean, I, you won't know if I have them. The only way you would know is if I get a little quiet, because they're not, they're nowhere near as intense as they used to be. I mean, they used to make me cry. And this is, I saw that video where you hit the ground.

Yeah, that's because the muscles tense up so much. And now, the lack of testosterone has also dialed back the intensity of them, right? Oh, yeah, a lot. Well, that's great. Like, I can drive, and they don't, like, I can drive right through it. Like, it doesn't even... Oh, that's fantastic. I just got people to drive.

Like, I don't have to time out my drive, because even though they keep using the word random, they weren't really random, okay? They came in clusters, okay? Like, eight, nine, 10, 12 orgasms in a row. And then I'd get like a two, three, four hour break, and they would happen again. Jesus. It was like my body had this repetitive buildup and release of energy. Were you during this whole period of time able to have sex at all, or that just went out the window?

No way, right? No, I just didn't know, I'm asking. I haven't had sex in six years. Yeah, I wouldn't either at that point. Wow. That's too much. Wow. I mean, are you looking forward to doing it again?

Someday. I'm so, it's been so long, I forgot. Now, I don't know if it's like riding a bicycle, because I've never had a gap in my life that's been this long. And why not hardcore solo videos, you know? You know what? I'll tell you this. I won't drop the name of the company, but I was offered a multi-million dollar, a two-year multi-million dollar porn contract.

Hello. Hello. This is in the world. Wow. And I hadn't had a chance. I couldn't have sex. They what? I couldn't have sex.

There was no finish. Oh. I couldn't evacuate. So there wasn't. The day my story broke, they were on my phone. Wow. Why don't I get a stunt cock to come in and finish the shot? That's true.

Well, let me ask you a question. Okay. How big do you think my story was? How what? How big do you think my story was? The original story? Yeah. Hard for me to gauge, because, you know, you get so wrapped into your own world that like,

it dominated our show. I'm talking about when it originally came out. Was it six years ago or something? Whatever it is. Or, okay. Or 2014. Whenever we first did it, it was like dominant for us. But I had no grasp on the reach of the story.

Do you want to know what the reach of the story was? Sure. It's been seen by over a billion people. And when the story first came out, three days after it came out, my phone rang and I answered it. And it was a gentleman who claimed to be the vice president of BuzzFeed. Okay. Yeah. He then went on to congratulate me because my story was the first story in the history

of their website to trend number one worldwide three days in a row. That's wild. That's crazy. That's how big this, like I've found articles as far away as Zimbabwe. And I'm pretty sure there's an article written about me in Zimbabwe. There's been an article written about me in every probably, man. Yeah.

Everybody's like, look how much cum. So much cum. My agent truly believes it's one of the most viral stories ever. I believe it too. I didn't know that data. It's stuck with us for years. Christine, does your cold heart want to ask any question before you wrap this up? I don't know.

I don't know. What do you like most about being a lady now? There you go. Wow. That's, um, I had to save the attention. Really? My Lord girl, I'm telling you, I have like half the Middle East blocked on Facebook. My, my block list is over 2000 people and I'm not quite sure why I'm so popular in

the Middle East and with Middle Eastern men, but holy cow. They're very angry with what they want to. They like blondes. I got to say, it's the attention I get. I never got comments on my looks as a guy. Yeah. And now I have people telling me I'm beautiful 500 times a day. Yeah.

I will say that you are gorgeous. You look flawless and that's really hard because we, I mean, I can't imagine how hard it's got to be to transition, but you look so great and I'm so happy for you that, that you're happy now. Christina has told me many times that she thinks I would transition horribly. And then I, Oh my God, you'd be the worst when they ever, you know, if you had a picture of yourself without a beard,

I would show you what you look like. You get me a picture of you without a beard and I'll show you what you look like as a girl. All right. I will, I will send you. Please, Christina. I do have a question for you because we were watching a show about men transitioning and how did you, because your makeup looks impeccable, your hair looks fantastic. You did it right.

So what's your secret to doing it right? Some of the, some of the guys don't know how. Transition, we were like, whoa. They didn't go to the right places. I mean, I know some of you can't help what our natural genetic makeup is, but they, yeah, some of the approach was, it was too intense. Like some of them were real too drag, you know, like it just looked like drag. And then some just look like offensive linemen for the Packers, you know, in, of course,

in wigs and you're just like, nah, like some people like really transition well. Do you think you just lucked out or does it like? Well, I think it came very natural to me. Like my this face right here, I've had no facial surgery. Really? You're so lucky. Yeah. See, that's the luck part though.

But I need to, I got to get this crooked ass nose fix. No, you're perfect. It's so crooked. No, you don't. No, you don't. And I got to get this Jay Leno chin trim. No, you don't. No, you don't.

You look great. Look, we, we were really looking forward to this. We have to get back to the show. We have some important burp clips to play. But we mentioned one thing. Yeah. Okay. I just want everyone out there to know that the five years since this has started,

I've been writing a book. I've been writing my life story. Okay. And I got it finished on in April and I published it on Amazon. And if anybody wants to check out my story, you can look it up under my name, Christine Hazel Decker. It comes up on Google. It's the first thing that has been listed as an author and all kinds of stuff on Google now.

But check it out. Like, and it's called, it's called stripped. Stripped when dignity disappears, a life buried by PGAD and transgenderism. All right. There you go. So find this book on Amazon. Find this book. Find this book.

And thank you again. It really is a thrill to talk to you. And I wish you nothing but the best. Thank you so much, Tom. I hope we get to chat again sometime. I hope so. I hope so. Take care.

Have a good one. Have a great show. Thanks for having me. Bye-bye. All right. Well, we did it. She really looks good. She does look good.

I have to say, and I, I mean, yeah, of all the people we've seen transition on the TV shows we watch and stuff, she's like the best one. Yeah. She really did a great job. That's awesome. I kind of love that she was like, it's something that Christina said that really hurt me. I was like, yes.

Maybe so happy. You know, I got, I got to tell you, I do think I get to fly under the radar because I'm just a lady. Yeah. And people, I got to say crazy shit. The crazy shit. 00:31:30,540 --> 00:31:33,100 And I get away with so, I do, I do because I'm a girl.

I'm telling you, you'll see on my new special, the degenerates, coming out October 30th. I know. I can say crazy because I'm a blonde girl. I know. The best part about being a lady and not being in an equal society is that I get underestimated constantly. It's so, the bar is so low for me.

It's really great. It's a great advantage. I don't want a quality. I want to keep flying under the radar. You remember this guy? Of course. Good morning, Julia. Good morning, Julia.

Just wanted to say hi. Wish you a great day. Hi, sweetie. Oh my God. It's so weird, right? Somebody messaged us. He's just looking for love. They were listening to that podcast with the good morning, Julia video

and the bitch and goatee feller. My friend's little, my friend's little sister is friends with Julia. Uh-oh. This was sent, this video was sent to Julia or to her after Julia got it. Miss Julia is an 18 year old university of Iowa girl. And this borderline 40 year old townie. She goes, us girls watched it every morning for a good two months and still greet each other with good morning, Julia.

Good morning, Julia. You have to say with his good morning, Julia. Hello, gorgeous. Good morning, Julia. Poor dude. At least he can make a mean crown molding. Anyway, bird is fat. Christina is the water champ.

Claire. Thank you, Claire. That's really fucking. I do all this crown molding right here. That's the, that, that was when a fair part of that video is he was like, see this house? I built all of this. Look at everything around me.

All with my hands plumbing. The windows, the fans, but to, but that is alluring. I feel like that's pretty rad, dude. It is rad if you go to someone's house and it kind of comes up, but like just to open a video the next morning of meeting someone, like I built this house, but you don't think Julia appreciates that they'll never have to hire contractors to do this kind of work. Maybe if Julia liked him to begin with, I don't think it's a cool thing to

bump out. I could redo your bathroom, Julia. Man. No, it's, it's, it's the height of cringe is that guy's video. It's tough to watch. I mean, I empathize because I know we've all done something this far on that, but that is like, yeah, every guy has been like, oh fuck, what did I just say? But that degree is way crazy.

I don't know. I've done something, but you know what? I feel like my cringiest stuff like that to a woman is like as a teenager. It's like something you look back on and you're like, oh my God. Yeah, yeah, but I was 14. Maybe he really was taken with Julia though. No, he definitely was taken with Julia. I don't know.

He was just taken. Have you not been swept away by love like with me every morning? You probably wake up and you're like, I'm so in love. I'm so in love. And then you go to your shrink and you're like, I'm so in love. How do I, how do I stop being so in love with my wife? What? What do you say?

Nothing. You know, people were, um, we got a message that somebody's just astounded by your hypocrisy. Well, I just want to know what happened. This is not a good day for me so far. This listener said, I was listening back to episode 185 when something stunned me. Okay. The water champ Tom was talking about T.I. and GZ's net worth

when all of a sudden the lying champ Christina said this, Tom, I would hide your guns. I would hide your drugs. I would lie to the law for you. Needless to say, I am floored. How can four years turn you Christina from a true FGT RTD to the low and loose narc you are today? What changed Tina?

Piss on me, beat me, homie on out Simon. Okay. Simon, I would hide your guns. I would hide your drugs. Thank you. I would lie to the law for you to just see. Damn. When was that 2014?

Do you have a date on there? It just says when I don't know. I'll tell you exactly Simon what changed. It's called Julian and Ellis Segura. These are the two children that my husband and I have made together. And when you have children to protect, you think differently about stuff like that. Yeah. You think, well, I need to keep their father in their lives

and not not one serving 40 years. Not when their father is a sociopath who kills a barista because his order got, his order was made incorrectly. You're such a POS. You're such a POS. Now, would I help you hide guns? Yeah, I still would. I'm just talking about, listen, there's a lot of crimes I would stand by you.

A lot of crimes. Why can't I talk to them? So, so frustrated. There's so many things that yeah, I stand by you for with. But first degree, premeditation, murder, when it's something so arbitrary, because it means you've snapped, dude. If you've snapped, it means you're going to snap at home eventually. It means something's wrong with you guys.

Screw loose. Can't have that around my babies. So anyways, there's your, the disappointment champ. Christina is commenting on what a disappointment she is to all of us. What about this? Listen to me, Yana. What if I do help you, I had brunch with my friend, Rina, and we were discussing this because she has two sons as well.

And she brought up a really good point because she's listening to our debate. She says, if I help you, let's say I help you bury the body in a first degree murder thing, then they find out that I was an accessory to this stuff. Yeah, that's true. We got to do a good job. And then we both go to prison. They go, we got to do a good job. I mean, they find out.

Why are they finding out? They're finding out because they're finding out. I don't know how they found out the neighbor saw us. So now I go to prison too. You want both of us to go away? Who's going to raise the kids? Okay. That's just a good point.

And you just, you know, I just feel like, you know, it's, I just, I didn't know who I married either. So, um, Tom and Christina, we've been watching the podcast at work and love it. I decided to get a tribute and Garrett tattooed this army in our downtime from all of us at Trinity Art Collective in Tucson, Arizona. Stop reading fan mail from now on. Piss on me. Beat me. Give it a try.

Andy Pratt, Garrett Ayoko, Kevin Patrick, Jake Kluse, Tony Standard, Erica Joe. Check this shit out. Look what's getting tattooed on this person. FGT RTV. And you want to see the final product? It's Steven Seagal as a seagull with FGT RTV. Oh my gosh. That's the best thing I've ever seen.

Unbelievable. Aside from this cute little dog with a tattoo over his eye. For girls that ride till death and a very adorable Steven Seagal tattoo. That is amazing. No, its first good tongue replaces that dick. Well, it depends who you are, but that's true. It also means that. That's a maze in sight.

Wow. Your jeans are so high. So tight. FGT. We'd love to piss on you and beat you if we ever come to Tucson. I wasn't in Tucson last year. I very much enjoyed it. Tuxin.

It's pronounced tuxin, isn't it? But you also have a super fan who was so inspired that they wrote to us. Mommy's, I recently visited Cincinnati from the moment I stepped off the plane. There was a stench of dirty wet comfarts. Soiling the sweet northern Kentucky air. I knew from the moment I arrived, it had to be either open defecation or the sultry remains of what's left of Christine's butthole. I hopped into my rental car and made my way to the Renaissance Hotel in

downtown Cincinnati for further examination. Upon arrival, I walked down the sixth floor hallway and to my surprise at the face of room 618 stood the originating smell that left me gasping for my very life. I have attached the video evidence and a few small photos for proof of my fateful visit love. Erin, here you go. Guys, I'm just at the Cincinnati Renaissance Hotel. I'm walking down the hallway and I smell something kind of gross. Yeah.

I don't know what it is. It could be. I remember this. There it is. There it is. Could it be the Cincinnati fart? Smells like Casey's butthole. Wow.

Now, for those of you who don't know the history of the Cincinnati fart, it was when I was pregnant with our first son Ellis and we were in Cincinnati for a wedding and I'd eaten on the boat buffet. The boat buffet, the rehearsal dinner. Correct. And I remember that day I had mixed bread rolls with butter. I had some meats. I had some.

It's pretty rich. Pasta. I had some fruits. And it wasn't paleo. It was not. This is before we were eating like that and in the hotel room of the Renaissance 618, I had the longest, loudest fart of my life. It was pretty outrageous.

I was there. I witnessed it. I heard it. I smelled it. It has since affected me emotionally. I've gone to therapy about it. It affected my sleep the way that I trust women. It's really made quite an impact in it.

For everybody. I think we all, we've all felt the impact of the Cincinnati fart. I know that the Renaissance hotel chain was impacted by it as well. Well, the mommies bombarded them with calls. There's new locations. Don't even have a room 618. They said it's just cannot be duplicated. I don't know if my fart smelled like cum though.

That one's a little, were we butt fucking when I was six months pregnant with Ellis? Were we? I don't think so. But we can look into that. And we never butt fuck. That's not our thing guys. No, no. Here we go.

Can I get into this after that? There's a lot going on at this summerville home. There are two adults, three kids, more than 60 animals, including some fish and a whole bunch of moose turds. Mary Wynch and Batch runs Turdy Works. It's art made from the stuff that moose leave behind. Everyone takes a crap. Everyone goes to the bathroom.

So everyone can relate to that. And every, the terms that I use to name these products are everyday terms that, you know, people are used to hearing and stuff. So it just kind of, you just try to, you know, combine the two to come up with something halfway decent. That's funny, you know. She seems neat. One man's moose turd is another man's art.

For example, the first thing that we make now, instead of a cuckoo clock, see, this is a poo poo clock. And what we did see is we took them turds and we crammed them in between the number this. So that's one, thirty, two, thirty, three, thirty. That's just one of many products. Come on, Bruce. Now over here, we make fecal people. And depending upon the shape of the middle turds right there,

we can do them with big boobs or guts or butts or long legs or short legs. See, because there's no two turds that are ever light. You ever seen a turd, the two turds alike? No. Can I tell you something? You love her? If I know America, I know that our country will love something like this. I think they already do.

Can I tell you? I kind of want one of those turds. The two, the two thirty clock. There's more. No. Mary says half the battle is getting her product, but to do that, she doesn't have to travel far. The turds are all local.

We just go out and track the moose and wherever the moose are, they're going to take a crap. Sure. And I have found that when a moose takes a dump, you walk about 50 yards in any direction and they take another dump. Sure. That's true, Mary. Well, she's been studying this for a long time.

Yeah. I mean, here's the thing. I like her product, but I think product is solid. It's great. But how do you devote your life to moose turds? That's got to be something else, you know? Yeah. That's just got to and how does it doesn't smell?

I'm assuming by the time it's on the clock or something. Yeah. I mean, it's it's dried out. It's still part of me just goes, oh, there's just pieces of shit all over that. But that's the fun, Tom. I don't know if that's the fun. That's the novelty. Yeah.

I kind of like it on video. I don't know if I need it. But imagine an efficient business model. And when a moose takes a dump, they'll crap out between two and 400 turds every time they take a crap. So it's like, I get five bucks a turd for these things. So I get jumping right up and down. I get excited when I see a turd.

I get excited when I see a turd. It's pay dirt. Hey, can I tell you why people get this? Because it's the fun and the novelty of being like, you see that clock over there? You like it? Oh, I get it. No, I get that. It's a moose turd, dude.

Since going viral, she doesn't know what her next local stop will be. But she's upping her game with the new Turdy Works Facebook page on the pedal for poop. Get on there. And that's all my turds are on that on that page right there with the prices and click on them and then get to me and let me know what you need for turds. And I shift it everywhere. I shift it everywhere. Is this real?

This is real. Yeah. I think I love her. Yeah, no, she's great. Dude, she's my soulmate this brought. Yeah, she's great, man. I shift it everywhere. Yeah.

Turds are all local. I love that. The turds are all local. Organic. Yeah. She gets excited. She gets fucking juiced when she sees a moose shit. Yeah.

That's so funny. Everyone takes a crap. But a moose takes a dump. You know what I like to is she says that they're all personalized. Every poop is different. Yeah. And there's no two the same. Yeah.

She's like, have you ever seen two of the same? No. Like snowflakes. That's really what they are. I get excited when I see a turd. Yeah. Yeah. That has to be one of the top 10 weirdest shit.

That's definitely one of the weirdest clips I've seen on this show. It's pretty great. That's a genuine weird. Yeah. That's good. It's really good. Yeah. What is the baseball?

Face front. Face front. Face front. What is the face? It's about. They say, how do you... What is the face? Face front.

Face front. Face front. Face front. You know what I like to... Oh, just try it. It's a trap. Is equine diarrhea. That was one of my favorite clips too.

That was great. It's pretty funny. I didn't aim about animal poop. I really like that. Equine diarrhea. Equine diarrhea. That was also... Equine diarrhea.

Didn't I make an equine diarrhea song for you? I did. I did. I don't know. Back in the day, I did. It was just... I just basically kept dropping that into... Equine diarrhea.

Well, our 10th wedding anniversary is coming up if you wanted to make something. If you want to buy me a moose poop collage or whatever she's making. No, I don't. Wind chimes. No. No, I don't want to do that. Moose poop wind chimes. You want that?

Yeah. No. I don't want our kid touching it. Then your fucking two-year-old is going to put it in his mouth and stuff. Of course. We're like, yeah, I ate this clock today. No, you don't want that stuff, bro. What's on the clock?

Just a bunch of moose shit. You guys cool with me doing that? Uh, this shit is nasty. Are you excited for the holidays? I am. Yeah. What are you excited about? Well, I raid decorator house for hollow jeans.

Yes. I went to Michael's arts and crafts with a kid. Oh, I'm so excited. I love it all, dude. I know you do. Now you're in sober October. You're not even going to talk about that shit? Yeah.

I did, um... Oh, his glasses are hurting now. I did Rogan's podcast yesterday with Bart and, um... How fat is he now? What is his weight like? He's super fat. He's almost 250. No.

How fat was he when you started your guys' weight loss challenge last time? He, last time he said he started at 250 something. Oh, so he's in the range that he was before we even... Did the weight loss. Yeah, he's almost that big. And I also, I mean, I would believe he says to almost 250. I'm sure he's more than two. He always kind of...

Right, fudges. Yeah. I just peed a little. But yeah, so this time we're doing sober. You know, the sobriety part is not hard. Not for you. For me. So I'm not worried about that at all.

But I don't know. The thing we're doing this time, instead of the 15, 90 minute high yoga classes, we got these heart monitors and they give you points based on your effort. So we're shooting for highest point total. That's cool. So explain how that works. It calculates points dependent on your effort, meaning like how fast your heart beats. Yeah, heart rate.

Now you have the heart rate of a serial killer slash sociopath. So does that give you some kind of advantage or disadvantage? No, because what has that happening is as soon as it determines your max heart rate, it gives, you know, you first plug in your age and it determines it based on the formula. But then when you work out a few times, it figures out what your peak is. Gotcha. And then it's really giving you points just based on your effort with relation to the percentage of your max heart rate.

Does that make sense? Yeah, right. So it kind of gauges it first as a baseline. It'll adjust based on what it gets up to. But basically, you know, the person that can actually earn the most points isn't like Joe's probably, not probably, is the best conditioned athlete among us. Oh my God, yeah. But that doesn't mean that he will actually earn the most points.

Because actually he probably recovers better than anybody. Meaning that he'll get less points once his heart is in the recovery mode, right? Once it's actually lower. So actually Fat Burt can get a lot of points because his heart will be so stressed because he's so out of shape that it'll spike a lot more and you get more points when it's at the accelerator. 00:49:53,340 --> 00:49:54,940 I do wish we could have a camera. Oh no, you guys proposed this.

Was it called a scram bracelet last year? I thought that was really funny to put a bracelet on Burt to monitor him. Basically what that does is tell you if he drinks alcohol. Even a drop. It sends a signal to us. It'll give us email notifications. Now that made me really laugh. So I'm a little bum that we can't do.

We should do scram bracelets on all of you just to make it fair. They're pretty expensive. Oh, are they? How much? I forget, but they're pretty expensive. Can no one donate them? Are you a listener that could donate a scram bracelet? He's so great.

That would make me laugh so fucking hard. So last week we proposed this. Hold on. I got to show these guys. Your preposition. The prep preposition. Why can't I talk today? Oh, I know.

It's because I haven't slept in three years. That's maybe I haven't slept through the night. That's it? That's it. No, I literally have not slept through the night in a year since I got pregnant with the second baby. It's fun. Yeah.

I'm on another planet. Can I have a sip of your coffee, Gene? Yeah, sure. It's cold now. Farts. Is it noon already? So last week we talked about the psychopath test. Yeah.

And I can run through some of these questions with you. May I do the asking? Okay. Well, I feel like you're going to pick the ones that are best suited to your needs, not the objective needs. No, you don't pick. But we're not going to do all of them right now is what I'm saying.

So you're going to pick, you're going to cherry pick right now as we're doing this segment. No, no. Let's just run through a couple of them and I can start scoring. Sure. Go ahead. Okay. Success is based on survival of the fittest.

I am not concerned about the losers. For you? That's, well, what, how are we doing this on a one to 10? One to five. Five is I very much agree. One is not applied at all. Well, that's a seven for you. Okay.

All right. That seems, are we going to take this tested dependently and then let's do the first five questions. Yeah. Yeah. And then we'll do more. Okay. Go ahead.

Okay. Are you answering as well? Yeah. Okay. I find myself in, in the same kinds of trouble time after time. Isn't that everybody? Oh, what kind of trouble am I in?

I'm not in any trouble. That's true. I don't, I don't get into trouble either. No, that's not a match, babe. Okay. Go ahead. For me, what's right is whatever I can get away with. That's definitely more of a you than a me.

Just so you know. No, I'm, that's a, that's a 10 for me. Yeah. You need to go ahead and. No, I know that. But that's my immigrant mentality. That's not a sociopath mentality. Yeah.

Okay. I am off and bored. I mean, I have small children. Yeah. I don't feel like I'm off and bored. Oh, no, neither do I. No, no, answer your question honestly. Bored.

There's a scale. So you can be like, you can somewhat agree with it. You can, it's one, two, three, four, five. So. One, two, five. Moderate match is a three. Oh yeah. Okay.

Go ahead. Number five. Okay. Okay. Give me the last question. Okay. Number five is in today's world, I feel justified in doing anything I can to get away, to get away with, to succeed. I mean, here, the thing is with that question, it's like anything I can't.

I mean, you're, we're self, self starters in a way, you know, showbiz people. Yeah. Not anything, not anything illegal. Is that, I think that's what they're. There's a sliding scale though. So, you know, you, you, you say it however much. Okay. All right.

Okay. Let's start. So number one, what did you get? Read the question again and tell me what you got. So number one, success is based on survival of the fittest. I am not concerned about the losers. I gave myself a high match for that, a five. Are you being serious?

Yeah. You're not concerned about the losers. 00:54:08,860 --> 00:54:12,940 Meaning by any means necessary, I believe that is what that translates to. It says success is based on survival of the fittest. Like, so there's winners and there's losers. Right. And I like to surround myself with winners and I believe in associating with winners.

Right. And I'm not concerned with like bottom feeders and pieces of shit. I'm sorry. Read the question and again in, in its entirety, not with your additional commentary. Success is based on survival of the fittest. I am not concerned about the losers. Right. So you're one of those people that would say like, I don't care about welfare people.

I don't care about the homeless. We don't society is to care about. Well, that's an interpretation of that. I didn't interpret it that way. Well, why do you interpret it as? I interpret it as like in my field that I work in, there's, you know, in order to succeed, there's a certain mentality you have to have and there's, there's people that will bring you down. Those are losers.

I agree with that. So I ignore losers. But you're a five on that. But I'm associating it with my interpretation of that. Sure. I think you're interpreting that to be kinder than it's meant to be interpreted. I say that, I see that as like by any means necessarily. Well, that says you might be right.

I'm doing my thing. You might be right, but I'm saying that maybe I interpreted it wrong. But I got it to, I'm just going to tell you, I'm going to two, because I think that losers should be, you should be sympathetic to losers. Maybe I don't, I don't think you should do it. You should succeed at the cost of others. I don't know that it says that though. I'm not concerned.

Let's go to the number two. Yeah. I'm not concerned about the losers and it's calling them losers. Right. I don't call them losers. But I'm saying that's how this, that's the statement. Sure. You call people losers in your head is what you're saying.

No, no, it says losers. Right. And you, you've strongly agree with losers. No, I'm saying that if someone says that, that's the statement. I'm saying that if someone is a loser, right, which is how this is describing a person, I am not concerned with them because they're a fucking loser. Gotcha. Next question.

I find myself in the same kinds of trouble time after time. That is a definitely. We don't get in trouble. That's what I'm saying. I'm at a one. Yeah, I don't do trouble. For me, what's right is right. Whatever I can get away with.

No. Yeah. I strongly agree with that. Yeah. That's, that's totally your mentality. Yeah. I'm a five. Okay.

Totally psychotic. I am often bored. No. Yep. Oh. Okay. Well, number three, I, I, I'm restless, but that's always how I've, I think what it is is I'm, it's, I get, I get bored.

Yeah. I need to be intellectually stimulated. I see that as a sign of intelligence. Right. Am I, you know, On the fifth one in today's world, I feel justified in doing anything I can to get away with to succeed. No.

No. But I think there's some, you know, there's a dialed down moderate. Like you do allow yourself, I'm saying little things that aren't egregious or truly. Like you cut a little corner. Everyone cuts that. So I, I identify with that a little bit, but I don't, I don't agree with doing things to hurt people. No, but I'd say that I cut corners more than you do.

I'm, I'm shadier in some way. A hundred percent you are. Stuff like that. 00:57:34,220 --> 00:57:35,020 Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, this is an extensive, that's just the first five questions.

First five. Yeah, there's more. We should be taking these independently and, you know, having them evaluated. Okay. And then we get, you get a score total and then we'll see what that means. You know what, I think that, you know, I don't think that you're, you're sociopathy, you're no neuropathy problems. I think it's more about your rage.

I, I, I see you one day acting out of rage and, and being impulsive with your anger more than this kind of stuff. Like I don't give a shit about other people and do what I want. Yeah. I don't really feel like that. I really, I mean, that question, I feel like maybe I misinterpreted it, but I thought it's trying to tell you like, what do you think about someone who they're calling a loser?

Right. See, but people like me read that and I don't think of people as winners or losers. So you'd have to agree with them to use the language there, that there are winners and there are losers in the world. Well, I feel like the statement is saying like, the way I basically took to further interpret that is like, Hey, there's, there's a negative people. Right. That's what I'm saying.

You're, you're interpreting it, I think in like the Tony Robbins sense. Yeah. I think they're interpreting it as like a callous way of referring to somebody who's just a fucking loser. You know what I'm saying? Like I agreed to like, like the way my dad would be like, you hang out with these fucking losers, man, meaning like people that don't have their shit together. That's what I'm saying.

Yeah. But I think they mean like, that's what the sociopath calls people that they don't think are worthy of being considered human, the fucking loser. Like they're losers in the world. I wish I could get some clarity on that. Yeah. These tests are kind of, I don't know. You're definitely something wrong, but definitely something wrong.

I'm glad you see a therapist at least weekly. That's really important. Okay. Um, let's, uh, let's take a break. Okay. And we'll have a guest with us here soon. Should be a lot of fun. We haven't seen him in a while.

Yeah. And, uh, that'll be that. All right. We'll, uh, take a break that you'll know nothing about. Yep. All right. We are back from our break that you didn't hear, um, and we are joined by a friend of ours, a comedian, uh, an alum of trash ass Miami.

We are here. It's rivalry week. Uh, Christina doesn't know this, but this week Florida state and university of Miami are playing. And it's a big deal. I have a feeling my guess is that the underperforming and unranked seminal's will defeat the, uh, overrated Miami Hurricanes and that our guest Finesse Mitchell on Saturday will end up being a crime motherfucker. And that is how it will go.

Man, I guess I'm allowed to talk now. Yes. Yes. 01:00:32,060 --> 01:00:33,020 Thank you for joining us. Oh, absolutely. Uh, thank you guys for having me. Uh, so let me start off.

South African comedy festival. Um, yep. Yep. Yep. Absolutely. Nando's. Nando's. Nando's chicken.

That's right. Sponsored by pretty good chicken. Pretty good chicken. Yeah. I still remember that. That's their slogan. It's pretty good. Is that right?

No. Oh, I don't. I remember I had Perry Perry saw us or something. That's right. Right. I just saw Ian bag last night. Did you last night? We're at Sunday.

No, son. What's, what's today? Tuesday. Yeah. I saw him Saturday. Yeah. Saturday night. Got a new baby brain right now.

Yeah. He's got the same brain. I know. Well, your wife and I had babies run right same time. What was July 20th and when was your baby born? It was July 2nd. See. Yeah.

It's pretty close. I think. Where'd you see Ian? Which club? I know. We did something for John Stites, the American Legion up on Highland. The vets have a new theater. Okay.

So we went in there. It was super great. The theater is super dope. You can shoot a special in this theater. And that was there. That's like Hollywood Highland area? Yeah, Hollywood Highland. And it's off to the left when you're coming down.

You won't even pay attention to it if you knew it was over there. You know, you just drive right by, but it's a huge building. And in the back of it, it has to be like an 800, 900 seat theater. It's beautiful. Yeah, it's beautiful. So we went in there and killed it. And he was just like, you know, Ian is.

01:01:52,940 --> 01:01:53,980 All that type of stuff. Yeah, yeah. No. But yeah, man. But back to your intro. I just agree with everything you said. I want to shout out to 305 boys, 954 boys. 7th floor crew.

7 who? 7th floor crew boys. I guess if that's Miami or South Florida. Yes, all of them at the 7th floor crew. They put out that 7th floor crew. Wasn't that it? Uh, is that what it's called? I think I know what you're talking about.

Let me see. Hold on. 7th floor crew. Hey, guys, are you really talking about that? Yeah. Why you find that? Yeah. I just want to say, like I said,

shout out to all the Keynes and, uh, you know, is that it? But this is marvelous. This song, what did I say? The players put this out. I know this song. You do? It's not meant to disrespect any women. If that bitch only knew?

Yeah. Well, you remember it? All right, bring the track. She got nutted. I remember this song. It's a good one. Oh, 305. You love it for that?

What? Only knew. All right. That she was getting fucked on the 7th floor. Hey, is that the Miami boys? Yeah. Jesus. Jesus.

What term did he say? Muddy? Muddy. Muddy? What does that mean? This is from the Greg Olson, John Bees, and Don L. Jenkins days. So I guess that's like, that's early 2000s, right?

Jesus. You love this song. You play this for me all the time. Ha! Hey, marvelous. What you do? Yeah, heck, yeah. I conceived of this song right here.

It's so true. If you only knew that your heart was getting dug up by the whole 7th floor crew, tell me, what would you do? Would you cry like that? Miami don't even have no 7th floor. We don't have no dorms that high. So what are they talking about? Maybe they moved into some building together.

I guess. Did he start off by saying, we don't mean to disrespect nobody? Yeah. No women. That's the essence. Right. Very perceptible. Because we alum, because we educated down there, man.

We, you know. We're not going to disrespect anybody. Your bitch is getting muddied by the whole crew. Mudded. Mudded. Good lord. Nobody want to go after John Beeson. No.

Greg Olson better go first. Wait for us. Did you grow up in Miami? No, I'm from Atlanta, Georgia. And I had the choice to walk on at any college. But I chose Miami. I was really looking at Clemson or Duke. And after interviewing with Duke and Clemson,

just on the educational side, I was just like. Wasn't, like, because it was going to be too demanding? Well, you know, the thing was is that. People don't know, by the way. People don't know that academically, Miami's, because a lot of them just. It's private school. Yeah, they just associate football team.

They don't know anything about the school, but it's a top tier university. Small school, we probably have maybe 7,000, 8,000 students. You know what I mean? Oh my God, it's tiny. It's tiny school. But the school and the brand of the team and the logo and just the winning and just whooping floor to stay that

year after year after year and right, right, right, left. And all this nonsense. Yeah. You know, and then the NCAA came in and just said, you know what, this is ridiculous. We're just going to slap sanctions on you for no damn reason. Nothing. And we ain't do shit.

We ain't do shit that nobody else was doing. And basically kill scholarships and was like, you could have 20 scholarships a year for like five years. And so it just killed the program. And so they've been clawing their way back. But do you think they're back? Do you think they're back now? I think that I think they're close.

They're close. Yeah. I think I think, you know, I'm a Mark Rick is our new coach. You know what I mean? And he was a great recruiter at Georgia. And now, you know, he's he was the perennial 10 win season. That's that dude. 10, 10, 10, 10, 10.

But the big games is just like, you know, I wouldn't have called that play. You know what I mean? Yeah. He's that guy. Like, why did you call that play at the big game in the big moment when you're supposed to go to championship? Back to your to your you said when you were so you're leaving

high school, you interview or you go to Clemson and Duke. Yeah. Clemson, Duke, Auburn and Georgia Tech. Jesus Christ. That's also a great issue. You visited there too. No. Well, Georgia Tech is in Atlanta.

Right. But you visited FSU also. I did not visit FSU. But here's the thing. My SAT scores were not the best. Mine either. Like they weren't under. They weren't over a thousand.

Mine either. So for these type of schools, you got at least, you know, break a thousand. And I was like, y'all know I'm trying to play football, right? And then they were like, you still got, I said, I know a lot of them cats aren't breaking a thousand. Right. And they was like, yeah, but you can't have a 740.

I said, OK, cool. OK, OK. But what it was FSU. So I took it again and I got like a 930 or something like that. And it was like, OK, this is respectable. We're going to we're going to get you in there. But most of the schools were like, you got to start June 10th. And school let out like June 7th.

Right. So I'm like, no summer. And when you that age, you're like, nah. And Miami was like, come on when you want to come up. By the way, the reason I didn't play college football is because school asked me to take a summer class seriously before freshman year. So I, you know, I graduated this guy as a small school,

not like Miami little shit in there. Like, OK, so, you know, we'll talk to the coach. She's like, so you'll be here. Can't wait. And I'm like, yeah, all right. And then like an academic office person was like, so your math scores are horrific. So you need to take this math class before you come in here.

And I was like, nah, negative. And then the day before summer camp, he called me. He's like, we're excited you'll be here tomorrow. You know, it's going to be you're going to be a contributor. Right. I was like, coach, I'm not coming. He was like, what? I go, you guys said I had to take a math class. He goes, so I go, so I didn't take it.

So I'm not coming. And he was like, I'm just finding this out right now. I'm like, well, I mean, I just didn't want to take a math class this summer. It's summer after senior year. I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm saying what? But you're so easily, easily deterred in high school. But look at what you realized. Oh, that wasn't like the right decision.

Of course. But at 17 years old, you're like. You could not have talked me into that math class. There were certain colleges I didn't apply to because there was an essay. Yeah, of course. Yeah, absolutely. You're like, I can't write this fucking thing.

Do you know when I wrote as an essay, I made it up. It was terrible. I was like, there was this kid and he had cancer and he inspired me to be a better student. Did you get into that school? No. I wrote this whole thing. I was like, I still think of him every day as my friend.

Like it was so like bullshit heartfelt. And I was like, this makes me look like a good guy. Yeah. But how many of those do you think they get in the admissions office? Probably thousands. It's all, it's all sad stories. Sad stories. Yeah.

I don't think people read that shit. I don't know. Who's reading that shit? I don't know. I'm like, other students are reading that shit. People ain't reading that stuff too many. You got applications from, you know, 30,000 kids. There's no way.

That's true. I wonder if they even do that nowadays. Or you just look at somebody's Instagram. I think they look at an algorithm of how many white males do we have? How many white females do we have? How many black males do we have? You know what I mean? And then they try to like pull applications and sort them out.

Do you know what happened at Harvard earlier this year? They're like, we have too many Asians. And they're like, we're going to start with like turning down more Asian applicants. Because they're just, we're just full of them here. They're just so many qualified Asians that we got to be like, nah. So they're turning down then some Asian students. But that's fucked up too. I mean, just because they're Asian, it's like.

Of course they're going like, hey, man, I got 1600. I got 4.0. Yeah. They're like, yeah, but you're Asian. We got a bunch of you. That's so funny. The white man. Yeah.

The white man. Fucking whitey. Yeah. Let's go back to funness. Yeah. Hey, hey. I predict the score to be like 28 to like 13. Well, look, I don't know much about the semen holes, but they're having a bad year

from what I've seen. What's crazy. Semen holes. Yes. Yeah, she loves it. How do you even start liking them, though? As a kid. Okay.

As a kid. I mean, honestly, you know what it was? I remember as a kid, it was probably honestly watching prime time. Like, I mean, you're a kid. You're playing like little league football. You see Dion is like, what the fuck is that? But do you see Michael Irvin on the other side?

No, because I remember watching games and seeing them just smoke people. I'm talking like eight, nine years old. Like I wasn't even really aware, but I was like, it's white and gold, looks clean. They're kicking people's ass. And then we moved to Florida. And then once then it just solidified it more. Because I already had like a following of them.

And then you're like, well, you got to choose one of the big three. I was surrounded by Gator fans. I was like, I hate these motherfuckers. And then, you know, I just, I dove in deep. But I don't, you know, I'm not one of these fair weather people. I still, you know, I stick to who I stick to. That's cool. I was born deaf, man.

I was like, that Miami Vice show is cool as fuck. Yeah. I'm going to Miami. I love the case. That was it. Ricardo Tubbs. I love that too. I love Miami.

I don't know what Phillip Microtromo says to this day. But Hannibal Burris told me that he almost went to Miami because of Will Smith's song for real. Wow, that's so funny. Yeah, he was like, yeah, that song was like so catchy. He was like, I want to go there. People be thinking like, you know, if you're not like in some like a legacy type of situation,

when you're like, I got to go to this school. When people are like, hey, you know, what college are you going to? I'm like, uh, the one that accepts me. Right. The one that my parents probably don't want me to go to. Of course. You know, there's so many things factoring to it that you would never even think that you would take into consideration.

Like I literally didn't want to go to any school that was like, you got to start in June. Yeah. I was like, fuck that. That's five off. Yeah. And you're your pick on the litter, it sounds like. I went to the college that accepted me.

Me? I got to about one school. It's a small school in Norrion College, North Carolina. That's why people were like, why'd you go there? I'm like, because they said yes. Right. And basically nobody else did. Wait.

I was such a dummy in high school. I got into college on academic probation. No, I got waitlisted and then I got in on probation. I had to take a college success class when I got there. That's how stupid I was. How'd y'all meet? Stand up. Stand up.

We made, we met as open micers at the cat club on Sunset Boulevard 15, no, 16 years ago. I don't even know what the cat club is. Yeah. It's no longer there. It can't be there. It was like, it was owned by a. Straight cats, the guy in the street. Yeah.

It's rock. It was just like a, it was a small venue. You could, there's a bar and they just. Well, at first sight, it was y'all just like. No, he likes me. Kept just showing up and seeing each other. I liked her. I knew right away.

You know, when they're like, oh, she has a boyfriend right away. And I was like, all right, cool. We're doing shows together all the time. So you just be cool. I just wasn't. He was like a grown man. I met him when he was 23. And I was 26 years old.

But Tom Segre acted like an adult. You know what I'm saying? He looked like he, he looks old as fuck, right? Tom, Tom comes off as I'm 55. Yes. Probably. Yeah. When he was like 18, 19 years old.

Yes, that's exactly right. And to this day, even, even in South Africa, everything was just like, we could die if we walked down that street. So let's probably go this way. And I'm like, who talks like that? That is so perceptive of you. Well, black people would be like, fuck, no, I ain't going down that motherfucker.

He's just like, no, let's not just give that a chance. Just go this way. You're like, talk like that. You know why? Wait, I talk like that? Yeah. Because nothing, nothing excites you and nothing fazes you. Right?

He's always like this. Because he has an abnormally low heart rate. The way serial killers and sociopaths do. They need extra stimulation for excitement. No, even when I told him I was pregnant. I'm going to give you, I'm going to give you an eye movie tutorial because you can make your own videos right here on your laptop. When I first opened up my Mac six years later to say,

you know what? I should probably follow up on what Tom said and went to eye movie. His video is the first thing that I saw of him trying to help me set it up. That's crazy. But go ahead with you. No, I'm saying that he has no, there's no excitement

or there's no, he's very, he's very calm, steady. Even when I was like, I'm pregnant. He's like, that's neat. Narrow bandwidth. Yes. Not too much excitement. Right. Not too much, you know, it's just, I stay here.

There are very few things I've seen you get really stoked about. One of them? In 15 years. Football. I was about to say, gotta be football. He goes bananas. Gotta be football. You mother fuckers.

That's why I can't even watch it in my house because of the kids. But this is what I tell people. That's, it's only worth liking a team if you're emotionally invested. Right. When somebody goes, yeah, I like it. And then they go, oh, they lost. I'm like, why are you even watching? Right.

Like if you don't have, I'm not saying you should punch holes in the wall, but like if it doesn't do something to you emotionally, is it even worth? My Canes and my Falcons. Fuck that. Oh, they're the Hurricanes, I know that. Wait, so when you arrive in Coral Gables, 18, you walk on. Holes.

Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead. My brain jump. I mean, what you're walking, it's like early 90s. Yeah. 91. You're fucking stacked on that. Yeah, championship day, yeah.

So wait, so, but I always wonder this, when you, when you walk on to a team and it's full of like future, you know, all pros, I mean, don't you have that moment where you're like, do I belong here? Yeah, absolutely. And isn't it terrifying to agree? Absolutely. When I went, so I sent the letter and Erickson was the coach at the time and I think it was the mid-July, end of July, it was like tryouts.

You know, if you're here, come on down, tryouts. I'm like, I'm there. And when you arrive for tryouts, it's just guys trying out. Yeah, pretty much. You're not seeing the scholarship guys yet. No, not yet. You saw some people working out that was on a different field, but it had to be like maybe 40 guys down there.

To try out. To try out. Okay. Cheers. And so that shit was like a play. They did all the shit that, you know, constitutes trying out for a team. And at the end, they put up a little list, fucking eight names up there. And it was, you know, you follow your finger and you see your name.

You're like, mom, I'm a hurricane. She was like, baby, I told you that you was going to be a hurricane. And so as soon as I saw Coach Eric's, I said, I wrote you a letter. He was like, I got it. I'm like, fuck, you didn't get my damn letter. But, um, and then when I got in the locker room and then you meet the guys, because back then the whole team was Miami and Texas. And then our quarterback was either from California or, you know,

some weird place we pluck a quarterback from. But, uh, when you're around the team, the first thing I said was, I am not going to say my name is Alfred. That's the first thing I thought. I said, okay, I'm going to go with Finesse. I'm going to stick to it. Was that already a nickname? It was, people was already calling me Finesse.

So it was just like, all right. I didn't know that was your, not your God given name. No, no. Alfred. Alfred. Alfred Mitchell. I mean, Finesse was believable. Yeah, you know what I mean?

Fuck it. Yeah, you do look like a Finesse. You know what? I grew into it. Yeah. I kind of grew into it. So you're like, I'm not giving them that ammo. Yeah, you know what I mean?

Because it was just, so what up my, you know, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, so why don't you try to like really listen just to decipher how their catans are just by saying hello. Like, you know, because everything was foot, boy, foot, nigga, foot, did that, did that, did that. It's got me whoop your ass out on there, got damn feel, foot, foot, out of that.

So, you know what I mean? Really? Fuck the shit. You know what I mean? Just talking, just every day lingo. It just, it starts always like that. I imagine that your practices were fucking crazy. But when we, but when I stepped out there

and saw like the other 18 year old kids running four threes or a huge as fuck. And I was like, I should have went to Duke. I should have went to fucking Duke. I would have been starting, I would have probably, I probably probably gotten a league six, one corner back, you know, with like four or five speed and this Duke, they would have looked at me.

Yeah. Because I would have been going against the same, you know, talent. So, but anyway, I felt so much in love with the school, with the atmosphere, with the women, with the, you know, failing economics year after year after year. I didn't want to quit.

I was like, fucking, I'm going to get it more than a D out this goddamn class. So, and then became a frat boy, huge frat boy. Really? What was your, oh, okay. Is my fraternity. And it's so funny how you say what was like white fraternity sororities.

You're like, that's, you do it. And then it's kind of like done, but like we get branded. We get tattoos. Yeah. This is for life. It is for life. So I'm still capital like I'm, you meet up with the boys.

All the damn time. Really? We go vacation. We go to meetings. We go to all that stuff. That's cool. Wow. They're friends.

That's good though. Remind us like 91. Who were some of like the big names from that era? From the. Warren Sapp. Fuck. Dwayne The Rock Johnson. What?

The Rock. I know that guy. Ray Lewis was on the team. I heard of him. Yeah man. Hall of our tight ends. Like I can just name stupid crazy names from that era. From like.

Did you ever run into The Rock dude? One time bro. Crazy ass story. His rise to fame is just insane. That's insane. 01:19:32,620 --> 01:19:34,940 Like he's the top box office girl.

01:19:34,940 --> 01:19:35,580 Bananas. Yeah. In Hollywood. And he's got that super positive place to live in Florida. And in college had your demeanor, had your tone. You know what I mean? Just like a real easy laid back guy. Yeah.

Dwayne. So now I know what my future is. Yeah. I'm gonna be like the biggest movie star on earth. I love it. You're like 15 years behind. You're taking your time. Right.

Right. You know. But in my 60s I'm gonna kill it dude. You know what? I told somebody the other day. They was like what's your goal finesse? Because I got my first comedy special coming out. Hi.

Congratulations. What's the name of it? The Spirit told me to tell you. Nice. Showtime October 19th. Hey. Put it in your calendars now. Shit.

Absolutely. Put it in your calendars now. You're so funny man. When we spent time in Africa. This shit is big time. Thank you brother. You were so funny. You just you're such a killer.

And my favorite thing about there's I feel like there's different lanes for comics is that at least my take on finesse was that he really wants everyone to have a good time at the show. Yes. And I appreciate that. You're a true performer. From an entertainer. I go like this guy wants us all to leave here happy and laughing.

A giver. You're a giver. And it was like hey you're gonna be in you know do you mind hosting. I was like no well I think the job of the host is to make the best show possible. Oh yeah. I appreciate that too. Yeah.

So as you I don't know if y'all remember but I was like Mitch Fetal can't follow David Cal. I don't know why we keep doing this city after city. But we are proving to ourselves that David Cal who is a native South African. He's a monster. Kind of has the pulse of his own backyard. Yeah. So we might want to let him go last because he's a monster.

Yeah. He's making me laugh about politicians. I don't even know. Me too. I remember that. You know what I mean. I'm like he's doing politics in Africa and I'm dying. I know.

And then the whites and the blacks and the colors everybody's standing ovation. Yeah. And then Mitch comes out talking about nipples. I'm like it's not a it's not a good show. Fucking David Cal brought the heat. Yes he did. And everybody was super funny. You know it's so funny because when you talk about South African comedy and people who are

familiar with it. It's two names. It's Trevor Noah and it's David Cal. And just like society the light skin dude gets the daily show by the darker comic. It's just a huge humongous local talent pulling 17,000 people at his shows. It's crazy. You know he has that show blacks. Blacks only.

Blacks. I love this shirt. We asked for shirts and he gave it to them and then I wore them and then I'm like I look like a dick because I'm walking around with blacks only shirts. It's just not going to translate. I wear it around the house and just remember like oh this is South Africa. Where people in South Africa just like when is the show and even white people like when is that show.

Yeah. But you come to America with a black shirt is not gonna. I don't know man. Don't you think like they're if you you could put that show on Atlanta for sure. Yeah. Right. Like in a big big black metropolitan area. No because here's the thing especially about Atlanta that a lot of people don't realize.

The reason the city thrives and is such a dope city is that the white people that live inside of the city has pretty much said you know what you guys can have it. Yeah. You guys go on the show. We're going to enjoy football and baseball together. You know we're both not going to attend Hawks games. You know we have meetings. Yeah.

But as far as politics and like the hierarchy of like you know it's like it's pretty much always been a civil rights type of yeah brand city. Yeah. And but we get along great but we're not fooled. You understand what I'm saying. It's not like we're going to go around and put on a black only shirt. And go to the Falcons game because then it's like they're going to make a phone call. You know what I mean.

So you don't want to like. They couldn't make it. Yeah. You don't want to like test the waters to see how much you can push it. Right. Yeah. Because they enjoy living on the outskirts of the city and driving in versus living in the city.

You know what I mean. Where it's like we're going to vote out the black mayor and get a white mayor. I mean they've been trying for years but it's a unique experience to see a black dominant American city. Right. Like when you go to big cities you see a mix but Atlanta you're like oh like you guys run the show. You know it's a it's a it's a dominant city.

But we and what brings us together is sports and music entertainment and sports. Now let me ask you a question about your time in South Africa with us. Tom and I ate so much on that trip that we actually had to go shop for bigger pants. Did you get fat in Africa too? No. How did you not get fat? I bought pants at the department store. We got so fucking fat there.

They go these are the biggest pants. Unless you get pants made there's no pants for sale bigger than this in Africa. That's crazy. Yeah. I'm such a finicky eater though. I ate a lot of that chicken. Yeah. And I think red meat.

Did you eat the steaks? There's a lot of steak. That's what we were eating at night. We would finish the shows, eat steak and then like a full meal. So you know what we we me and my lady who address who came with me we really loaded up on breakfast. We could never really adjust to the time. Yeah.

So we had to set our alarm to actually wake up come out of the hotel and go down and eat that buffet breakfast. So I don't know if y'all remember Durban with the monkeys. 01:24:54,380 --> 01:24:54,860 That's not. Yeah. That was fun. But so we would load up on Durban then we had that casino

joint in Joberg that we stayed at. And then but when it just came to like night time, it was like, hmm, are we going to go find a nice place to eat? It was like, let's eat at the show. And it was just that type of shit. You're smart. No. Oh, we did a lot of room service.

Oh, that's what you did. Remember the really nice place we stayed at? Yeah. That was in Joberg. In Joberg. Yeah. That was like Regal. That had to be seen on the next door.

Yeah. God damn. Yeah. Oh, and you were the only guy who brought merch. Motherfucker. So brought merch. It's like show eight. And I'm like, I kind of feel like I should have brought merch now.

He's like, so you can have this. And it's like $5,000. He's out in the lobby just stacking checks. God damn you. It was like I had the official merch after everybody said. Yes. Hey, do you want to you want anything to remember this show by? Come by my merch.

Come by my merch. So smart. And look, and we had so much fucking ran. It was called ran, right? We had so much ran by the time we got to Joberg on this table. It was like, we was just taking pictures. Like we were drug dealers and shit. Look.

Remember how they would get that we had like runners that were like run us around? Yeah. I remember the guy took us to the airport. And I just I just reached my pocket because they run you around all the time. They're part of the festival. I just pulled out what I had and I was like, thanks man. And he looked at it and he goes, thank you. I'll buy a beer with this.

Like he told me. It was like, I don't even know what they brought me some weed. I was like, like I was looking around like I was like, man, y'all, you know, if y'all get a weed connect, let me know. When I tell you, they brought me a huge zip lock bag of the biggest joints, like super thick, as thick as your thumb, but they weren't even blunt. They were joints. And they had a tip on them and everything.

And it had to be like $10. It had to be like 20 of them, right? And he really, he literally gave it to me for like maybe 40 American US bucks. Wow. Jesus. Now I couldn't smoke not one. Why? Because it's like, when am I going to smoke one?

My wife wasn't a huge smoker. So she's like, you really going to smoke one? You don't know if that's real weed. I'm like, I doubt it's fake weed. But what I did is I took that entire bag in that very nice hotel in Joburt. And I stood up on a chair and I put it on the entertainment thing. And I said, one day somebody's going to get curious and look up here where the TV is. And they're going to find a whole bunch of weed.

That's so nice. Because sometimes you know how as comics, as you go to the comic condo. Yes. Yeah. So like in probably like a good 10 years ago when we were starting out, we were milling a lot and you have to stay in the comic condo while the real comics stay in a nice hotel. Yeah.

Yeah. We would leave stuff, you know, so we should find out who's in the city. You did that because I would find all the shit. You would find, you just leave stuff, random stuff. And you would see how the story got back. But you say, hey, who's featuring? Because there's never a lot who's headline. Hey, who's featuring in Miami at improv?

Yeah. Are you standing in the condo? Dude, go to the sink. That's right. You know what I mean? See if this is still there. So you should do that. I left weed in a couple, I left joints in a couple places.

Yeah. Yeah. There's always pornography in comedy condos under the bed. Always look under the bed. Condoms, all that shit. Some of them are so fucking nasty. They're all nasty. One time I was going, got the manager of a date and picked me up.

I was like, how's it going? You're doing small talk on the way there. I was like, how's the condo? He was like, well, we just cleaned it up. Had to. And I'm like, oh, Jesus. Why is that? He's like, you know, Jay Medicine had,

he was shaved his pubes all over the bed in the sink. I was like, motherfucker. Yeah. I go, why did you even tell me then? I don't want to think about that shit. He's dead now. So. He is?

Yeah. God damn. What's your favorite comedy club? Comedy club. Comedy club. I mean, it's hard to top a few. I mean, that downtown comedy works in Denver is amazing. The Acme in Minneapolis.

I like that too. That's a great club. I started out there. Really? I can't, well, not started out there, but they used to show me the most love and one of my rooftop videos that has. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Rooftop. God damn. Acme's a great club. I'm going to do that for the first time pretty soon. I've never done it. I've never got booked there for the first time. I'm going to go there.

Lewis is the guy's name. Yeah, that's right. Lewis Lee. He's a great guy. I'm trying to think of other clubs that I really enjoy. I always liked that Phoenix club, the stand up live. I actually like that club a lot. That's a good one.

I was supposed to be in Rick Brunson's. Oh, right. Phoenix. What is it called? The Phoenix Room. House of Comedy. Rick Brunson's House of Comedy. I'm supposed to be there this weekend.

Minneapolis? He has Minneapolis, Phoenix, and Edmonton. I also really like the comedy mix in Vancouver. That was always a fun room to me. I'm about to go to Vancouver. You're going there? I'm about to book something. Dude, you should do that room.

It's a great, great club. Is it downtown? It is downtown, on Burrard Street, basement, hotel. It's always a good time. I think we went there. I shot Roadies there in Vancouver. And Ron White was on the show. And Ron White all of a sudden was like,

hey, I'm inviting everybody to come to the comedy club, and I'm doing the set, and everybody can come. And I was like, oh. Okay. And so I was like, all right, cool. So we all went. And I think it was a comedy mix. Because when you go in, it's downstairs.

Yeah. And it's a small little, you know. It's not huge, but it's, I think that's it. It's not yuck yucks, right? No, it's not. So it might be the comedy mix. All right. But it probably was one at one time and rebranded.

Okay. Where did you shoot this specialist coming out? I shot it here, bro. In L.A.? Yeah, good for you. I shot it in Glendale. So of course, for me, I'm like, you know, I'm thinking North Carolina, because I love that church laughter.

Like there's something about the South, but not Atlanta, because Atlanta's almost kind of L.A.-ish. Because how big the city is. Yeah, you know what I mean? So many, but like a North Carolina, people are like, I mean, it's just like belly, roll over, laugh. Or any place in Ohio, I think is great. I agree.

Ohio's like one of my favorite comedy states. Because they're so smart. I love Ohio. Yeah. But it's so middle of the road smart. You don't have geniuses, but they're not dumb. They respect politics. And if they don't agree, they let you do your shit anyway.

Yeah, I love Ohio. Because they know they're one of the people that choose the president. So they're like, you know, it's a good place. But swing states. Yeah, you know, those are dope. Yeah, that's a good point. It's a swing state. I never thought of it.

But when Homie was like, yeah, Glendale. And I was like, ugh. It wasn't ideal, but it turned out great. That's all that matters. And that's all that matters. What's the venue? The Blah Blah Theater. Yeah.

The Blah Blah Theater. Blah Blah Theater is good. Yeah, up in Glendale. You just forgot to name it at theater. You just became a father for the second time. Yes. Did you register your child as transgender or no? No, you know, I thought about it.

You know, when we saw both body parts, we were like, fuck, I'm out again. You know what I mean? Right. And I was like, this is your side of the family easily. We got an email from a listener who said, as new parents like yourself, my wife and I spent a lot of time in the pediatrician while filling out paperwork for our sons.

We stumbled upon this. You can now register your newborn as transgender. Oh. So that's pretty interesting. How do they know it's, sorry. Does that mean that it has both genitalia or we're assuming they're pronouns? You don't want to assume.

I think it's about, are you assuming, are you letting us know that this, what we see is not what we're getting right here? Right, but I'm confused. Because wait, the infant can't tell you. Maybe they can. Maybe if you actually listen with your heart and not just with your ears.

Finance, I hope you're asking for consent before you change your infant's diaper. Yeah, that's really important. You got to say, do you give me consent to change your diaper? Yeah, I do that shit all the time. Yeah, see, he's on board. I diaper rape my baby. I rip that shit off.

I try to get that shit done as quick as possible. Of course. Like I could care less what mood she's in. I don't try to butter her up. I just snatched that thing off. I got night shift. I'm already fucking in a bad mood. You know what I mean?

And it's the worst type of sleep ever, because you land on the couch and right when you start to doze off, so you look up and I'm gonna fucking sleep. Yeah. Sound asleep. And you're like, I know I heard what I heard. Yeah.

So when you really try to go to sleep and right, it's just waking up like that. You know how your head hurts. Please stop it. Your fucking chest is beating heavy because you think something's wrong. I know, we're in it too. Yeah, so it's like to do that night after night after night

at least until like, well, they start going, what, sleeping through the night at like six? Well, here's the deal. And then right when you get them sleep trained, they start teething. So that shit starts all over again. You had a fuck year basically. Oh man.

Well, you're at the turning point. So are we. The 12 week mark is almost here. And that's when they're out of the newborn and they become babies. So now you can start sleep training, maybe four months right when the doctor says you can or whatever. But it's fucking hell.

I hate this beginning part. It's my least favorite part of having children. Right. Those first few months. Oh, okay. This is it. We're in the trenches. This is the worst time.

Shout out to my wife too, man. She does a really good job with that shit. Like she, yeah, me too. She allows me, you know, she lets you go out of town and do your shit and come back and act like you've been in the trenches the whole time. Thanks, baby. When you're really happy.

Thank you, finesse. Thank you, finesse. Shout out to. Breastfeeding. Finesse for shouting out to the ladies. Huh. I'm a mud you bitch. Man, my boys.

Keep breaking them off and sugar that dick up up in yours. Oh, Jesus Christ. 01:34:43,580 --> 01:34:46,300 Christ, no, Jesus Christ. But she goes with all these inches. Cause I keep my touch there. She doesn't know what to do. Now, just having girls.

Does that change you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 01:34:54,780 --> 01:34:54,780 01:34:54,780 --> 01:34:54,780

01:34:54,780 --> 01:34:54,780 01:34:54,780 --> 01:34:54,780 01:34:54,780 --> 01:34:54,780 01:34:54,780 --> 01:34:54,780 01:34:54,780 --> 01:34:54,780 01:34:54,780 --> 01:34:54,780 01:34:54,780 --> 01:34:54,780 01:34:54,780 --> 01:34:54,780

01:34:54,780 --> 01:34:54,780 01:34:54,780 --> 01:34:54,780 01:34:54,780 --> 01:34:54,780 01:34:54,780 --> 01:34:54,780 01:34:54,780 --> 01:34:54,780 01:34:54,780 --> 01:34:54,780 01:34:54,780 --> 01:34:54,780 01:34:54,780 --> 01:34:54,780

01:34:54,780 --> 01:34:54,780 01:34:54,780 --> 01:34:54,780 01:34:54,780 --> 01:34:54,780 01:34:54,780 --> 01:34:54,780 01:34:54,780 --> 01:34:54,780 01:34:54,780 --> 01:34:54,780 01:34:54,780 --> 01:34:54,780 01:34:54,780 --> 01:34:54,780

01:34:54,780 --> 01:34:54,780 01:34:54,780 --> 01:34:54,780 01:34:55,580 --> 01:34:56,060 Hmm. That she was getting fucked on the set. It's nice. I'm asking him a question. Who don't tell the girl that she going up to the 7th floor? She knows what she's fucked.

She knows what she's going up to. You don't accidentally stumble on the 7th floor, man. That after this. Is this where I get mudded? Yeah. I'm gonna get fucking mudded. They're like, do you know what lineup you want? Do you want to go tight end first, detackle,

old line wide receiver? She's like, that sounds good. You're right. Wait a minute. If that bitch only knew she was getting mudded by the whole 7th floor. Cause how does she not know? I tell you, one motherfucking thing.

What's that? Social media was out in the early 90s. Yeah. So many people be locked up. So many people be fucking locked up. Yeah. You know, you was taking a picture with a fun saver camera back in the day.

Right, right. You know, cell phones and cameras weren't even out yet. No. You know, I had a beeper when I got to college. You know what I mean? So it's like, like you could actually record who you fucking and you know we would.

Yeah. Like we had actual cameras. You had to set up in the closet and put a little, put a little tape over the red light. Oh yeah. Not that I did that. But I'm saying some of the stories are stories of people doing that and recording.

You know, sex and shit. Wait. So you're, you're some of your teammates. It's insane. I mean, so the rock was you talked about. Did you say you ran into him once? You did. Yeah.

At his uh-huh. And it's been so long ago, but I saw him at his scorpion king release party. Really? Like his first, like big movie. Because uh, I tell this story. We, we were at this barbershop, Ms. Barbara, his famous barbershop,

little hole in the wall barbershop in coconut grove. And uh, and it was like, hey, what are you, what are you going to do? You know, what are you going to do? It's senior year. What are you going to do? I'm not going to the league. I quit the team, like after my second year,

like we won a championship. And I was like, I got a ring. I have a 1.5 GPA. I think we could probably fix this. Yeah. Um, but I was like, man, I'm going to go on a comedy. And he was like, you got to be funny to go on a comedy. And I was like, what are you going to do?

And I, and I didn't know I was going to go on a comedy. I just thought about it. Really? So you're just throwing it out there. I was actually just throwing shit out there. Okay. And he was like, um, probably going to go on a wrestling. I was like, and I'm a huge NWA fan.

I'm from Atlanta. So the NWA, you know, Gordon Soli with Ric Flair and the four horsemen, you know, anything about wrestling? Not a lot, but I know some of those names. Okay. 01:37:15,420 --> 01:37:15,980 Of course. But I was like, you need to-

Did you know that his dad was a wrestler when he said that? Kind of. I didn't know his dad was a wrestler. Kind of. Yeah, yeah. Who's his dad? His dad and his uncles. Old school, I don't know his name.

Rocky Mavilla. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And then his, his uncles are the Jimmy Super Fox Snooker and uh, and uh- Those are his uncles? Samoans. Yeah.

From, yeah, all those guys. So I think of those all, they're all really- He's a big old fuck. I mean, he's like six, five, six, six. For the rock? Yeah. Yeah. He just has one of those bills that if he just eats-

Yeah. You know. And did you see his peener in the locker room ever? Never. Never. I remember, I saw an interview with him. He just won't register to you as much, but he was like, you know, I was, I was at Miami.

I was like ready to, you know, whatever, do my thing, play ball, kick ass. And I, you know, he played obviously, and then he's like, then this freshman came in named Warren Sapp, and it fucked up all my plans. Who, that's what Dwayne said? That's what Dwayne said. When I tell you, Warren Sapp came in as a tight end, he's a tight end. Best hands on the team. He was just, it was just something about him.

There's so much dog in him. Yeah. That I don't know who told him to, you know, let's try you at de-tackle. But that was all she wrote. So anybody who thought they were going to start at de-tackle. No. Got pushed back. He's not even that big of a dude.

He's not a big guy, but he's a wide guy. He's not a tall guy, but he's a wide guy. But that's, but that's just like Aaron Donald. Like I was hanging out with Aaron Donald at the last Super Bowl. Yeah. And I was like, you, so you, you're Aaron Donald. You know, I was kind of shocked like, all right. I mean, I see it, but you're not, you know, towering over me or this and that.

So he's like six one, I think, or even six feet. But you see the muscles, but it's, but de-tackle is about moves. It's about quickness and getting inside leverage on somebody. And being like you said, have that dog in you. Yeah. And it's just, it's a certain fight that certain people just don't have. I was watching, I like to, I don't know why, but you know, I think I'm a coach. So when I record the game, I go back and I go watch each player to see if they

deserve to be on the field. So I got the little, I got the little pause button and I watch each play. And I see who's missing blocks and who's doing this, who's doing that. And there's some people in Miami on that team, on that defense. I'm like, oh, they monsters. Yeah. And this one kid named trade, trade, and Bandy, he plays cornerback. He's five nine.

That kid is a monster. Like he want to, he want to fight you every play. Yeah. And then he makes plays. So it's not like he's a dirty player, but he backs it up. He's trash talking. He's the littlest one on the field. And I like players.

Well, I love watching Jalen Ramsey play because he talks so much shit and backs it up and just asks for it. Who's the best, who's the best receiver on your team? He's like, you ain't shit. Right. And then just plays his ass off. I love watching it. Said Matt Ryan was overrated.

I was like, oh, he's just going for it. And the whole Atlanta was like, oh, we want to get mad. But oh, it's kind of true. It's a lot of fun. I, uh, yeah, no, that's, that's, that's wild that those were, you know, your teammates. Hey, uh, somebody, I haven't seen this, but they sent us this, uh, clip. I don't know what you think of this. I want to show everybody that proper way on save on your toilet tissue.

Okay. If you'll touch the toilet tissue, get down this low. You don't have it anymore. What you do, you take one of these. Now this is going to help you save on your toilet tissue bill. You turn around and you fold it one time. You fold it two times. Then you fold it a third time.

Okay. Then you see there's a little tip right here. Yeah. You tear that off. And you have a swan. You're sitting on the stool. You put it beside you. It's origami.

What is going on? Once you get done, taking a shit or pissing, you put your finger in there. You wipe your ass. Okay. Then you take this and you wipe off. All this off. Genius. Okay.

All that shit. That guy's a genius. Then you take this, you put it in the stool and flush it. Did he say basically wipe your ass with your finger? He said there was a tip. You clean off that shit out of your finger. That little tip. Nasty as hell.

This guy's done this his entire life. For those of you who are just listening to the show, this guy basically, he's like, he has one square of paper and he pokes his finger through the center of the square of toilet paper. So you wipe your asshole with your finger. And then you use the surrounding tissue to wipe the shit off your finger. And it's quite brilliant when you think about it. It's quite brilliant.

It's so nasty. It's nasty as hell. Wipe your ass with your finger. It's nasty. Now, have you ever tried a bidet? No. How about a washlet? What's a washlet?

It's kind of like, I mean, it's basically, bidets, I think, of more old school. Like Middle Eastern. It's separate. Like, we might have had them in South Africans. Yeah, we had them in Southern. Right. The washlets are like built into the toilet seat,

where you actually sit on the toilet. You don't have to go anywhere. You just press a button. And it squirts water on your b-hole. Nah. Nah? Nah. I'm afraid I'll be on that shit all day.

I might like it. Yeah. The closest I've gotten to that is a wet nap. Yeah, those are good. All right. So here's a funny story. Me and Felipe Esparza, we on the road doing an army tour. We're going on, like, 15 army bases.

We're driving from, you know, pretty close. So we're driving. This is coming next week, by the way. He is he? He's sitting right here. Ah, dope. I'm going to go do his joint, too. But he's such a funny dude.

Such a cool dude. So smart, dude. Yeah. Like, he's way beyond it. He's one of these people who have been here twice, once you start talking to Felipe, right? And so we eating, and he's smoking, and we driving, and we passing cookies and chips and shit,

because he got all these damn snacks. And I'm driving, and once I'm finished eating, now I pull out, you know, a Ziploc bag, and they had wet naps in it, you know? And I take one, I'm wiping my mouth, and I'm wiping my fingers as I'm driving. And he's just quiet, and he's looking at me. And he's like,

was that a wet nap? Was that like a, what was that? Was that like a real, like, that wasn't a paper towel. I was like, no, he said, you brought him in a Ziploc? I was like, look, man, my wife makes me bring him. Like, since I met her, she's such, she's the queen of the wet naps, and she, you know, now I'm addicted to him.

They're great. And he's like, oh. So she was a stripper? I was like, what? And I knew what his brain was going. Yeah. Man, I died. Yeah.

Man, we almost, I almost crashed the car. That shit was so funny to me. And we was high. I'm like, man, that's the funniest shit. I'm like, no, it's, you know, damn stripper. What, why would you, all right. I get why you would think that. But no, what kind of shit was that?

She loves wet naps. It just, it made me visually think of him in the strip clubs he go to, where whatever goes on after the dance, the chick is pulling out a wet nap. And they clean the poll, right? Yeah, they clean the poll. I see it on Instagram.

They clean the poll, though, not with a wet nap. They actually squirt alcohol. You see when they squirt alcohol on the poll and just have a rag, the thing that I don't like is they use the same rag. Right now, it's nasty. They use that same as rag. Not that I've been in a long time.

Yeah. But when I went to, yeah, well, when I went, you know, I mean, that's what they do. I bet in Miami days, you may have heard about other people going, bro, we had the Rolex and, and Coco's and we had some dope strip. Man, look at the, there was like a shine in your eyes.

01:44:43,420 --> 01:44:44,540 Oh my God. I mean, I've never seen that type of joy wash over your face. I used to manage a stripper. What? Are you serious? Yep. I was, I was dating a stripper and at the end of the month,

like she would make $500 one night, $700 one night, you know, $300 one night, $1,000 one night. But at the end of the month could not pay rent or car note because she would either spend the money, she would make the money at the top of the month and then stop going to work. But then by the time rent and shit was due, she had to go dance her ass off for the last three days.

And I'm like, let me manage this money. Let me, let me, let me do this. Let me give you a schedule. So we had that thing rocking for like a year, you know? Really? Yeah. In Miami? In Miami.

Yeah. I worked at Humana Medicare sales. So I was selling Medicare insurance. Managing a stripper. And managing a stripper. I was like, just manage your funds. You know what I mean? Did you ever get jealous of when she'd go working?

Do I get jealous? Yeah. Like if she, No, that's the rule. And when it comes to managing funds, you're only in love with the money. You're not to, you know, connected with the physical aspect of it. Oh, okay.

It's a relationship, but it's a business relationship. You know what I mean? And at the same time, it's like, I can't be your boyfriend. I'm watching you day after day sometimes do what you, just went in the back room. I don't know what you did back there. Right. But I know you, I know you better pay this card note.

Yeah. You know what I mean? So I was a friend. It was like, I was a friend. Oh, I thought you meant like you were dating. We were dating, but I was, it was a friend with benefits. Oh, I see that.

You know what I mean? He's not in love with her. Yeah, I wasn't. You're not going to wife her up? No, no, no, no. No, she can, she can go to the 7th Float. I don't think you wife the girls. You know what I mean?

Hey, hey, what's your name? T. Good. What's that? I'm a plumber. How you do it? I laid a pipe for that. That's a big thing. If y'all hold a wine game fort on the 7th Float,

then you would know because the bitch don't want you no more. She told you she met a guy. Let me tell you something. How do you not get suspended from school? How do you not get, how do you start that Saturday after you release this track? You have just gang raped. This is your gang rape.

This is your frickin' Brett Kavanaugh. Goddamn mixtape. You are gang raping right now. Right. That's what they're saying, right? Yes. They're like the whole crew's on her. She's up on the 7th Float.

What are we supposed to do? Jesus. I know. Now for sure you would get. No, this right now would be. It would never happen. Fuck no. No way.

There's no way you're supposed to take pictures. This is record. None of that shit. That's just during the time where, and you know what they, you know what, and you know, that's how Miami works. They see shit back in the day and they're like, hey, you remember the Super Bowl shuffle?

I remember the Super Bowl shuffle. Let's make a song about gang rape. And they go, they record that bitch. You know what I mean? Instead of being inspired to make their own, we going to bust your ass on the football field and get our own national championship. Their mind went straight to, what about them hoes though?

Yeah. The best is that they were like, all right, so let me Friday we'll record the song. Right your verse. Like it's all about coming up here, getting mudded by the whole crew. And then right before they record, one of them was like,

we should make a point that this is no disrespect though. Right. Yeah, here we go. Here we go. Hey, no disrespect. Here we go. All right, stick your dick. What's your name?

Big Nick? What you do slang dick? Yeah, it's like. The only thing they mad about, oh, he wrote his shit down. He got paid. Exactly. Oh, he ain't real. You know what I mean?

That's the only thing. You didn't do it off the dome, man. You didn't do it off the dome. That's true. There is kind of a credibility, right? If you don't write, like Jay-Z's always like, I don't write shit down. Yeah.

Do you believe that? 01:48:34,620 --> 01:48:35,100 Yeah. Really? Yeah, because even Wayne, I was watching a Wayne interview. Dope album, card of five, go cop that. That one, that one joint, it's a bunch of them on there. He just dropped it out of nowhere.

But you know what? Baby finally was like, you can release some shit. I heard, well, you see them make up at a concert? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Baby, you know, he. Christina, I know. I don't know who this is.

Sorry. I know Jay-Z. That's as far as I go. All right. Well, Jay-Z doesn't write down. Wayne has a actual recorder where he records shit in the moment and just plays it back. Which is totally respectable.

Yeah, that's even more genius. That's even more genius to be like in the moment he records the shit. And then he remembers what he recorded. And then he just pieces shit together like, damn. But I've seen interviews with people that were in studio with Jay-Z. They're like, it'll blow your mind.

Because he'll just come in and he's just listening to those. Like, you got something? Like, yeah, I got something. And then, you know, fucking big pimping or whatever. Right. And then he's like, that was just in your head. He's like, yeah. How do you remember every breath, every pause

I don't know. It's crazy. Yeah. He's gifted though. Yeah. People have, like when you go to, I guess, was that his, not, what's the one? But you can find your lineage here.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Like 23 and me. Yeah. Like that. Yeah. 23 and me. And what's that?

It's another huge one. It's another one too. Ancestry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ancestry. And when you're like, oh, you know, I was a queen. I was backing my great-great-great-great, you know. Yeah.

And then the way that person may walk around. I believe there are people who are like, yo, my job is to run this message from this village all the way to that goddamn village that takes three days. But I'm the fastest and da, da, da, da, da. And I think those type of gene pool get passed all the way down to where a motherfucker is catching touchdowns and or running track and or it just has to be that way.

Of course. So when somebody is like, I am the storyteller of this tribe and I'm the one that when we sit around this fire, I tell this story. And back in the day, if they were making it rhyme or not, I think all that type of gene pool gets passed now. Absolutely. Because there's no way where you're like, okay,

I'm from Holly Grove or wherever Wayne is from. But my vocabulary is probably bigger than any Supreme Court justice. And not only that, I can make that shit rhyme without even writing that bitch down. Like that. Why are you born like that? And then like, I just tell jokes, you know what I mean?

It's true though. It's all, it's genetics. I mean, there's things that I can, I'm good at swimming. I can play tennis decently. Those are the two things my father's really good at. And I just. That's not my chance. No, I've always wondered.

I mean, I'm sure it's easy to ask. I just never asked, but like for like a great lyricist is it doesn't add up to just have access to those words. And like, just for it to flow that way, I always wonder if they like were really voracious readers. You know, it's like without some, without devouring language like that, how would that just come out?

You have to be. Yeah, I would think that I'm curious as to whether or not they read a lot. In between drugs, in between the seven floor parties, in between the clubs, motherfuckers are going away somewhere. What a book. You have to.

You have to. Yeah. There's no way. You read like you listen to most death and you go like, okay, this guy's intellect and vocabulary. It's not, it's unnatural that you would be like, he just did same school as everybody.

I mean, I could see that you could say he's more intelligent, but the access to that vocabulary and intellect has to be raised up by reading. Has to be. I know that he actually, I mean, I know this from when he was older. He bought a bookstore and so he loves books, but I mean, that to me makes a lot of sense.

Right. How could you not be. Now, there's some people that's just straight. You know, I went to the university. I went to, it seemed like half the rappers went to Hampton University or came out of that, you know, DC area or whatever, but you know, from Diddy to all these cast comment and all these different rappers.

He's another one too. You know, I went to college. I'm, you know, I'm a dope ass rapper. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. But for some cats that's like Wayne, who never even really talk about, I went to high school every day.

Yeah. And then I'll have aspirations of going to college or all the trap rappers in Atlanta. You know what I mean? It's like, I can't even see them walking down the hallway in school. You know what I mean? But then you hear stories like Migos,

where they were like, I heard they was kind of nerdy. You know what I mean? Coming up in high school. Yeah. You know, but when you grow into, but they were musicians and when you grow into your talent, you know, and then all of a sudden you get a look

that matched the direction you want to go in and the music is banging. By the time you like mid 20s, you were old ass OG in it. Versus like, you know, that's still young to us. Like 25. Yeah. But to them, they're like, man,

we've been beating on tables in the lunch room since we were 13. Yeah, that's true. We was mad at 17 and we ain't got a sign yet. Yeah. I mean, right. One of those dudes was a baller too. One of Migos. Yeah.

Uh, damn, I'm drawing a blank on Migos. Offset. Quavo. Quavo. Don't look at me. Yeah. I'm a fucking nerd. All right.

I'm a nerd. Before we forget. I don't know anything anymore. But don't want to forget this. Hold on. Oh, shit. You like this jam? No.

Hey. Three or five, here we go. For this, Mitchell. Yes. Mic'n on the mic. That's how I do it. We're going to be FSU and everybody know that's what we're going to do.

Because we do you, we do you, we do you. And sitting with Tom and Christina P. That's how we be. Everybody know I'm the FI NE Double S. Pretty impressed, actually. Wow. Let me tell you, your wife, we ran into you guys at the hotel.

I like, she was only, what, days from giving birth? Yeah. She looked amazing. She really had it together. I mean. It was like, oh, what do you guys, I mean, she seemed like. She, she looked great. Second time around, she was a trooper.

Yeah. You know, second time around, she was just like, I got this. She really did, dude. She looked great. And, uh, yeah. So, so what about dental work? She used to barge everybody. Yeah.

Because she's the best. So do you, did you have braces? No. I had a lot of shit. Any root canals? Nope. As a matter of fact, I need to get my wisdom teeth pulled. Oh, really?

Yeah. They don't hurt, but they've been in so long. And this is like. They're going to cram your other teeth. Good drugs, man. Yeah. What? They'll give you some good drugs.

If you get them done. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Post. And what's the recovery time? It's pretty quick. No, it's not.

Give yourself, so don't lie to the man. Listen, wait until this baby is kind of. What are you talking about? Because it's, if you get all four done. Are you going to get all four done? Yeah. Here's the thing. Let's be realistic.

You're going to be kind of laid out for a day or two. Co-dean. You're going to take your pills. But if they get, you have to keep them clean. And then it's painful. You can't eat really well. You're not really. They get infected and whatnot.

Okay. Full healing. She's giving you like the. This is basically like what she just told you. If you're like, hey, how long does it take you to get your oil changed? And like, no, it depends if the whole transmission collapses. It's like, it's not necessarily going to happen.

You could go, you could be in and out in a same day. You could be doing the same shit you were doing earlier. Just depends how you take to it. But your jaw is fucked up a hundred percent. I mean, your mouth is like, you know, like. Can't eat a cheeseburger. No, you can't eat a cheese. Please talk about the day of you get your wisdom,

people who can still do things. No way. Because you have these big open gashes in your mouth, right? You had this done all four at once. Yes. Well, maybe you're super human, but for me, the day is ruined. You got to take your code.

Yeah, I would say the day of, but the next day, you can be up. Yes. But it's going to hurt. You're going to be sore. I'd say wait until you're not up and running. All right. The next day is men can't handle pain. What are you talking about?

Okay. The next day, you'll be doing shit 100 percent. Don't listen to me. Well, I definitely got to get mine done eventually. And I'm going to Google quip. Yeah. I mean, I would say if you get your wisdom, you should plan on, I don't know, maybe six weeks down.

Six weeks. That's what I'm talking about. Two weeks for full recovery. Yeah. You just said two weeks. Yeah. No. I mean, I think maybe eight weeks for it to be fully recovered.

And you should hire a nurse. No, no, no. Just listen to me. Can you just hear me out? Here's what happened. So you've got these holes. Oh, okay. I get it.

That shit was going over my head. So here's what happens. When you get your teeth full, then you've got these sockets. Okay. So there's empty sockets in your fucking mouth. So every time you eat, you've got to syringe it out. You've got to, it's kind of an ordeal. It's uncomfortable is what I'm saying.

So you're going to be uncomfortable for two weeks after you pull them out. And you're going to, you know, you're going to take some hand medicine. Yeah, you're going to take your medicine every day so they don't feel it. Hopefully, if I could in Percocets. Yeah, you're going to get some nice drugs.

Yeah. But it's not, it doesn't feel great for a couple of weeks. No, it sucks. Yeah. Yeah, it sucks. 01:57:40,860 --> 01:57:41,340 Great. Y'all, y'all, you ever took pills?

Just take them? No. Yeah. Yeah. You had a problem with pills? Problem, I say. A problem. Yeah.

In college, I take a bike and then drink a couple beers. That was great. That was a good idea. You know, my favorite was one of the football players like got his shoulder cracked and he was like, I don't like these. Does anyone want them? And I was like, hello.

Yeah, they're so good. And yeah, take one and a couple beers was great. You? And what? No. I don't even know what it does. Wow. What?

Just to get a nice high. Oh, okay. I mean, it depends. Some people. Is it like a weed high or? No, it's different. It's a body high. Yeah.

You feel like you're one. You just want to sleep. I mean, I took him in the hospital. I had this baby. You're just kind of out of it and you're not in pain and you're relaxed. It's wonderful. Yeah.

It's pretty nice. You ever go through any depression after the baby? Of course. If you're not depressed, something's wrong with you. Okay. You know what I mean? You're fat. You're the breastfeeding and staying up for all hours.

I might have to do that breastfeeding shit. Good for her. My dad was like, you're going to raise a criminal. It's the nutrients from the breast that make them a lot better citizens. Put them on that floor, man. They're going to rob somebody. Oh, that's hilarious. Okay, dad.

Good for her. That's so funny. See, I yielded to the pressure, man. I fucking hate doing it. This will make you feel better. All right. So this video is clearly for scientific research because we need to get to the bottom of this.

Do vegans actually taste better? And I have actually been vegan for 12 years, like over 12 years. So who better to test this theory than me on myself? Do they taste better? And I haven't really tasted myself in quite a while. So I might have went ahead and shot a little bit of myself into the shot glass. Oh, man.

This is the new seven-floor crew. Can I ask you something? Seriously, guys, just I want your opinion. Do you think that guy's gay? This guy? Yeah. No. Hell no.

I'm going to fuck with a killer. Obviously, I've been with. A whole bunch of different guys. Not a whole bunch. I'm making myself sound a little silly. Oh, I was wrong. But I feel like meat eaters. They're so salty, which is weird because I eat a lot of salt,

but all my exes are like, yeah, you're really sweet tasting. And I'm like, how is that even possible? Like I eat like 10 times as much salt as you. Let's see what they are always absolutely disgusting tasting. They taste like, I don't know, bleach. So that's what he's saying. Regular meat eaters taste like. And then he's going to give himself a tasting.

So let me try my first reaction. I didn't look. If you're listening, Vanessa Mitchell turned away as a guy. I didn't look. Oh, it's so smooth. It's so good. My eyes are watering. Dude just swallowed his gizz, people.

Yes, he did. And a dixie cup. It has this weird flavor. Like it almost reminds me of like, if you were to take like a vanilla chastic. You won't even look Vanessa while alive. Like so where it's like still. Because the imagery, my gift and power is imagery.

Really? And that's how I write my jokes. And I ain't picturing that shit. You don't want this in your mind. No, bro. I don't, let me try it. No, what? That tastes the same as the first time.

That was actually amazing. What? Whoa. Yes. Highly I'd like to throw up. Exquisite. I'm using big complicated words. I love the wood decor on this paneling.

This is so nice. It's very sweet. Is that James Brown? Which is really odd to me. I'm going to Google where I shot my special. 02:01:17,100 --> 02:01:18,460 Why are you guys looking out for it? We're done.

That made my eyes water. Okay. Because I think seeing gizz in like a dixie cup type of thing is different than it organically happening. As a woman, because I've eaten that, it's not the end of the world. But when it's presented in a cup like that, it's nasty. That is so gnarly, dude.

Why doesn't anyone want to be my boyfriend? Because you drink your own juice. That's why. This is fucking delicious. I love this. Arrest yourself. You should go do that. Arrest yourself.

I'm just like, I can't believe I just did this on YouTube. Why are we doing the same thing on YouTube? So this guy, that's the face he should have. That's what I was just thinking. I was like, that smashes me. He has over two million subscribers on his two channels. For drinking his own gizz? He calls himself the gay god.

Oh, he definitely earned that. All right. Now how many subscribers does I got? 18. You want to try a new video? You know what? I'll just stick with eating cinnamon on a teaspoon and just start there.

And make the faces. That really is foul as shit. That is nasty. I ain't even, you know what? There's so many things I guess you can do. I didn't even think about you can do that. Yeah, me neither. The loan.

Do it. Yeah. Hey, you know you can drink your gizz. Oh, you know what you can. I never thought about that shit. Well, I ain't got shit to do tonight. Do you know that there's somebody right now doing that? Like, you know how you can, if you can conceive it,

it's happening? Like there's somebody right now that's their favorite thing to do. And that guy right now is like, I'm so glad I'm home. I can just crank one out and drink it. I, you know what? I want to be, I want to, like, I know I'm a dope comic. I know I'm a dope actor. I love this business.

I'm a dope writer, dope producer. Okay. I always love people to be in their, just in their best element and get their story out. But I can't, I suck at the turning the phone to myself. Oh, right. And just self-promotion. Oh, the worst.

I suck at it, bro. It's the worst. I drop a flyer. I'll say, yo, I'm going to be in this city, that city. Oh, by the way, I will be in Denver. Denver improv coming up. And I got San Diego all in October. Are you doing American Comedy Club?

American Comedy Club. It's a good time. Yeah, I like that place. But when it just comes to like all my friends and crew, that's just like, yeah, welcome to the shower. And let me tell you something. When it comes to liquid soap, it's like, wait a minute, I don't even think about it.

But I watch other people's shit. I know. I'm like, oh, I could. You could do that. But the thing is, we're all saying the same shit. It's always the same shit. I'm working out, just eating my cheeseburger. I'm kind of like, I don't fucking care.

And to this point, it's even corny to complain about it. Either getting the game adult. So I don't even complain about it no more. But I do know if I got to get 2.2 million subscribers by drinking jizz, I can't do it. Yeah. I respect that a lot. I can't do it.

I'd rather stay at 18. I'd rather stay at 18 and book a show. Right, right. You know, get in the movie, get in the TV show, whatever the case may be, and just do it that way. You've done a bunch of acting. Yeah, man. I just booked a pilot.

Susu in the city, shot out to Eden Shear. She's the young lady from the ABC show, The Middle. And never watched The Middle. But I heard it was on a long time. Congrats on the booking. Yeah, you know, so all I know, I was supposed to go do Jimmy Fallon next week to do, you know, to promote the special, go out and do four minutes of stand-up at the end of the show.

And I got to cancel. Why? Because your boy booked a pilot. Hey! There you go. I love that. That's all we do. When do you film it?

Tomorrow. Oh, shit. You're shooting tomorrow? We start shooting to, you know, tomorrow through to 12. Is it? We have rehearsal tomorrow. It's a single camp. Yeah, so that's work.

Yeah, it's a lot of work. It's a lot of sit around and wait. Yeah. So we'll see how it's going to go. Did you follow all the Kevin Hart? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you think? I am.

I am. I followed it too on Instagram. Yeah, yeah. There was a lot of right on both sides. So that's how it was. Both made valid points yourself. Absolutely. Both made valid points.

So on Cat's side, it was just more or less like, you know, Hollywood. Hollywood is not Atlanta. We are not in control. We got, you know, Will Packer is Channing Dunn. There's some black execs that's killing the game. But it's not like there's a flood of, you know, black programming on all networks. It's just not. So the slots are very limited.

And then when it comes to comedy, believe it or not, you got to make your own way. You know what I mean? So the cats that's on social media doing what they do, killing the game and forging their own path. And eventually that will lead to a gig. But it's when I think Cat was referring to Hollywood, picking somebody and saying, you know, Tiffany Haddish, who I feel is incredibly deserving.

I totally disagree with that on Cat's, you know, whole breakdown. You know, she, she did her, she should, she should get everything that's coming to her. Yeah. So, but how they pick people, like she got the audition. I was at that same audition, auditioning for a different character for Girls Trip. She booked. I told her she was, I saw, I was like, oh, you about to get this role. I know exactly what you're reading for.

You about to blow this shit out of the water and you about to take over this film. Because you just had that, you're going, you're just going to pop on camera. You know what's crazy? I remember about this. I don't know if you remember. We went to the movies and it was, it was actually get out. It was the, it was, it was the end of the run and end of when it was in the theater. So we saw some afternoon and there was like 25, 30 people in the theater spread out.

And the preview for Girls Trip came on. And I'm not exaggerating. She killed in the preview. I remember that too. Like people, how many times are you, were you like, people are laughing hard on a trailer? I thought that was like, I remember I was like, wow, she's really. The performance. It's just so authentic.

Like it's, okay, I'm going to be this character, but at the same time, I'm still going to be Tiffany. The character was Tiffany. That's why it was just effortless. And you mentioned get out. Little rail had, was still in scenes and get out. He was, you know, it's T s motherfucking. Hey, yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.

But when it comes to stuff like that and people see it and you see it and Christina sees it and she's like, that little rail, I want to see more of him. That's how Hollywood work. When you saw Top Gun, you was like, that Tom Cruise was pretty good. You know what I said? That Val Kilmer was pretty cool. I want to see him again. Right.

When I saw that motherfucker in Tombstone, I was like, I know it. This motherfucker's a genius. When he played Doc Holiday, that shit was way better. Their version was way better than Kevin Costner's version. We were just talking about that yesterday. I was with Joe and them. I'd never seen those. I hate Westerns.

And they've made me watch that scene with Val Kilmer. Bro, watch Tombstone and watch anything with Val Kilmer in every scene. He murders the movie. So when you see stuff like that, the reason I say Kevin was right on his, what he was saying, because Kevin was saying, look, man, Kat, it's not like you wasn't the guy. You are the guy. You came through like gangbusters. Pimp Chronicles 1, Pimp Chronicles 2.

I mean, you were it. But I don't know this because I'm not personally, but if you're not showing up for every type of promo shoot, every type of, they really, you got to do more work after the film is made than you do making the film. And if you're not willing to put all that work in, they're not going to keep gambling on you. They'll move to the next person.

So to me, in our hierarchy, Chappelle and Rock are who they are. But on that real urban side, Mike Epps was killing it. And then Kat Williams just came in and killed it. But then it's all of a sudden, they took a break. It's almost like they took a two-year break. But Kat kind of like took a long ass break and Mike just took a break. He was also, I mean, like Mike's still killing it. Yeah, Mike's still killing it.

These guys are millionaires. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kat also was dealing with shit too. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? I'm putting, that's my way of saying, you know, I'm not going to say I ever seen Kat do anything. Right. But Kat took a break.

Right. Can't take a break in this business, you know, especially if you're a white female or a black male. You just can't. No, you can't. They're going to replace your ass quick. Even white males. What the fuck is Nicholas Cage?

Hey, he's all fucked up though. No, but that's, you can't take a, but my point was, I could go on and on and on. It's not about time off, right? You know what I'm saying? You just can't take a break. What happened to Kat did though? So when somebody like Kevin Hart comes through

with the work ethic of Beyonce. Oh my God, he is such a work ethic. He's not going to let the top spot go until he's ready. Right. And he has expanded his brand into helping other comings and just more content. He's too smart and his team is too broad and everybody's going in the same direction.

It's too organized. He ain't taking no break. But now you got other millionaires, i.e. Kat and Mike saying, yeah, you ain't all that. And I just don't get that part of it. I got you. So that's why I say they kind of both right. Yeah.

Kat's right because sometimes Hollywood propels a star. But they're like, yo, this dude is bankable. We going to push this person. Why are you getting mad? If all of a sudden they're like, yeah, we're going to push this person because not only are they funny, they do everything you can do, but they show up one time, right? And they want to work.

Well, and sometimes Hollywood pushes people that are so deserving. Like Hattish has been, I've known her for a million years. And if anybody was ready, it was Tiffany fucking Hattish. Absolutely. So, but we've seen it time and time again, though. So why do you pick, why do you point out people who are just as ready? But they just, they weren't at that audition or got that opportunity. It's not Tiffany's fault.

It's definitely not Tiffany's fault. So it's like, why say, yeah, she's not deserving. She is deserving. Oh, she's crazy deserving. And Kevin is deserving and Kat Williams is deserving. And Mike Evans is deserving. You know who really is deserving? Finesse.

Finesse motherfucking seven floor Mitchell is deserving. I am deserving. October 18th, October 19th, Friday night, showtime. The spirit told me to tell you. Yeah. First released comedy special. Put your, put, set your DVRs now. You can do it.

You can set your DVRs. Now I just got an email from Showtime with my face on it. Ooh. And they're advertising the month of October. And I'm like, you know what? This is happening. It's happening. And I'm pissed because I only did one show.

And you know how you're nervous? You did not one show? I only did one show. You know, you're nervous, right? Sure, of course. You need that second show to be like, I'm about to punch a hole in you, mother fucks. I never got that chance.

So we couldn't edit from one show to the other show. So it was just really like, once you see that show, it's like, that was it. That was the show. So there were some mistakes. There were some jokes. I had a key joke that I've been saying for two years. You fucked it up.

And I fucked it up. That happens every time for me too. And it was like, can I go back? And they're like, no, you can't. And I'm just like, and my wife was like, but it's your art. Damn it. Call him back. And I call it.

I call it back. And I was like, yeah, did you forget something? I was like, no, I just, you know, just want to. Okay, gotta go. Bye-bye. Babe. They said no again. All right, go fight yourself, basically.

Yeah. Because they're like, hey, man, we did it. It's great. It's been sold. It's been color corrected. It's mixed. It's all it's too late for that. You want to go do what?

Yeah, but this shit has been on my mind, bro. I don't want to put my shit out there. So is it out and you cut it out? No. You left it in. I left it in. Because it's funny, because people don't know what the joke is. It's basically a joke that says suck high.

And instead of saying suck high, I say suck better. Is that weird? It's kind of, and nobody will, you'll still laugh. But now in this kind of me too movement is, I don't want to hear no shit. I don't want to defend nothing. And I ain't gonna. But I just know I fucked up the joke. Yeah, I got you.

I got you. I know. I noticed this weekend. I've done that too. At the height of this, it's not just me too. But like, you know, with the Kavanaugh hearings and everything. Just bringing up sex made people shift. Like they're just like, well, just like, where are you going to go with this?

That was like a different feeling than normal. You talking about the hearing? Or you just talking about the general? I was at a show, I was performing, and I could just tell that the audience is different. The temperament is different. Country is different, bro. I hate the hypocrisy of our mother effing country when it comes to what we get offended and what we protest and what we.

We talk about this shit every week on this show, man. It's just crazy as fuck to me. Yeah, but how many people are, this is the other thing, is how many people are truly offended by shit? There's a handful of fuckers on Twitter that are ruining people's lives, wanting to ruin people's careers over things they say. And then there's the majority of the people that we entertain weekly in nightclubs that are laughing at fucking normal people shit.

Don't comment Vanessa Mitchell with some bullshit talking about you said, I don't give a fuck what you said I said. If I was at work and that's my job, I said that shit. And if you didn't like it, don't pay for the next show or unfriend me or unfollow me. But don't be like, oh, he's not a comedian. I got years and years in the games of making people laugh. And the people that's in the crowd laughing their ass off, I can see if the whole room got up and walked out.

Something's wrong. But if it's just you, then it's motherfucking you. You need to handle it yourself. Yeah, I agree. So you can find that comic you like, man, we was at the seven floor handle shit. We were at the improv and I ain't gonna never forget this. It just happened not too long ago. We were at the improv and Whitney Cummins got up and when I say lit these women on fire,

God damn it, we're not safe. And men got to start recognizing sometimes that they go too far. And nobody want to freaking, I don't see men walking to their car with their keys in their hand positioned a certain way ready to jab a motherfucker in the throat who jumps out. Women, we got to do that shit. She finished a set. Shit was humming. I was next.

And I was like, hmm, gotta follow this shit. I went the totally opposite direction. I got up there and I was quiet for a little bit. And I want to say, first of all, give a round of applause for Whitney Cummins. Crowd went crazy. And then I said, and secondly, some of y'all women can get to y'all car just fine. Ain't nobody jumping out attacking none of y'all. I spanked that table back there.

Man, when I tell you, people just started dying because it was just the opposite. But I didn't say she was full of shit. No, that's going too far. I just played off of it. Yeah, I played off of it. I made it funny. And then I went into just like, yo, I get what you're saying. Shit is crazy.

This and that, that, that. So by the time I finished my set, when I tell you these people, the shit was humming again. People was loving me just as much as they love Whitney. Yeah. Bill Burr walks in. He's next. He didn't know what the fuck was going on.

He did not hear her set. Did not hear my set. He just walked in to do his set that he was going to run later at the forum. And he was just rehearsing. And he was Bill Burr. First thing on his mouth, fuck this, me too, shit. And it was just like, what? And the bitches was like, I said, bitches, I'm sorry.

And he didn't know. He was like, wait, I've been saying this, you know what I mean? I'm touring with this shit. This shit works. What the fuck is going on? And when I say women went to the manager, complain, they were like, he shouldn't be allowed to perform. Oh boy.

So I had to go and as I heard them talking to the manager, I was listening. And he was like, well, you know, you're right. And we're going to give you some free tickets. And I said, no fuck you ain't. And they were like, no, we loved you. I said, no, no, no, I said, we all the same. I said, we comics, we performers. You don't like that guy, I get it.

But you can't tell that guy he shouldn't perform and you shouldn't be rewarded because he made you feel uncomfortable. You weren't uncomfortable when Whitney Cummings was up there saying men ain't shit. Right. And she basically said that. Yeah. She was like, you men ain't shit. Yeah.

And women were cheering and dudes were just quiet. And we were like, this was a little harsh. But yeah, yeah. Then she throw a joke in every now and then. But it was for the most part, I first thought she was ranting. You know, but the women weren't enjoying it. So I went up there, I did the opposite. The men weren't enjoying it.

And the women were like, OK, this is funny. OK, we can laugh at ourselves. And Bill just walked into like a hornet's nest. For a grenade into it. And it's like, yeah, you women are just over the top. And this is me too, bullshit. Boo! Yeah, I fucking, I have so much disdain for the idea that I didn't enjoy this.

So what do I get now? It's like, you get what you got. That's what you get. You got two drinks. Yeah. It's like, I didn't like this movie. OK, well, I mean, some movies are for you and some aren't. You just leave.

Get out. Don't see it. And it's the nature of the business, but I hate a really bad comic. And I don't hate them personally, but I hate sitting through a set. I don't care if you're new. I don't care if you're just testing out material. But if the set just really sucked and you held me hostage for your 15 minutes, it felt like an hour that I couldn't get back.

And it made me feel unfunny. And I'm on the show too, or somebody else is on the show. But it's just like, I'm more offended at that than somebody getting up there. Just like, they're confident. They know what their material is. You don't agree with it. But hey, you don't agree with it. You're going to agree with the next comic, maybe.

But you're not going to just stop the show and start yelling out shit. You ain't going to yell out in cats. If they fucking Broadway play and I'm like, I like dogs. I want to see more dogs. You know this shit we call cats. 02:19:37,020 --> 02:19:39,260 Well, of course. And you can research who's on the lineup.

The clubs generally post the lineup and research these people. Yeah, you can put it on. You don't like it. Don't fucking show up. I remember one of my favorite incidents with a complainer one time. This is like old Brea improv. Dan Godfrey was running it. And I said something that offended this woman and her husband.

So I'm kind of off to the side behind one of the partitions, like tucked by the office. And I'm watching him talk to her in the lobby. The show's going on. And he's like, I see him. He's like, yeah, yeah. And she's like, he's a fucking asshole. And she's crying and stuff.

And he's like, yeah. You know, I just, we just, this guy's doing her thing. And she's like, I don't fucking, I hate him. And she goes, he's an asshole. He goes, he's a good guy. He's actually a good guy. He's telling this woman who doesn't want to hear that I'm a good guy, that I'm a good guy.

He's like, he's actually a good guy. She's like, fuck him. He's like, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll give you some tickets. And, you know, you could come do another show sometime. And then they're like, okay. And she's like wiping her tears. And he starts to walk in the other direction.

And then he stops and he turns around. He goes, oh, by the way, I can't promise you at that other show that that guy won't be an asshole too. All right, thanks. And he turns around and walks away. I was like, yeah, why would they even come? I don't know. I was in Chicago Laugh Factory and having a great set.

And this was around the time when a little kid fell in the monkey pit. So of course I had the monkey jokes and how they shot the monkey and all that. And you could just hear this lady just like, hmm. I know exactly that sound. Yes, I know it. And it's getting louder and louder. And finally I'm like, did you know the room break? Or whatever the monkey broke.

Did you know him personally? Yeah. Because it was either shoot the monkey or he just might just bane the kid. Yeah. You know, on the ground. He's scared. I don't know if you remember the Avengers movie

where Hope finally takes back and forth. So I was making those type of jokes. Right. But she was just, she had something to say after. Man, she tried to hear me up in the corner after that show talking about animal rights. And why are you at a show? And I was just like, lady, it's a joke.

It is a joke. So at the end of the day. I gotta tell you, I've heard the argument against it and I've heard people embrace it. They go, you know, you can say that a joke is a joke but you do have some responsibility with it. And I really think about it and I don't think so. I don't think you have to be responsible.

I don't think so either. I think you're joking. I think you're joking. And I think there's an agreement that you're joking. Like in that space. It's different if you're like, hey man, I want to come to dinner with my family and I start saying shit and you're like, that wasn't cool.

But it's like, I'm on stage. And there's an unspoken agreement that I'm being ridiculous. Not even an unspoken, a clearly definitive agreement that you're now entering a comedy club. The rules are out the window. I just don't buy into this. It's ridiculous. Yeah, but you, it's like, what do you mean I meant?

The whole thing is that I don't mean it. And I say it like I mean it. That's part of the joke. But then if you're not allowed to make fun of one group, don't you dare say this word or that word. Then what about the next? And what about the next? And then pretty soon all we can tell jokes about

is fucking water bottles and cell phones. It's exhausting and it makes me just want to jerk off in front of you guys right now. Oh. Makes me want to jerk off in a cup and taste it and pass it. And pass it around. Never taste it. That would pass it to someone else.

You know who I bet did that a bunch? I was nice and camped. Oh. I said come on over here. Or the big dick man. Say he had a big dick. It's really nice. Thank you.

That freaking trap for the goddamn quip. That shit is dope. What's that called? Quip. Oh, quip, yeah. Our dental update music. He likes the dental update. Yeah, I was like, OK, he's reading the commercial.

But then I'm sitting there like, I think that's Ali Zimzer who made that. I think Ali made that. Yeah. That guy's real talent. He submits a lot of songs to our show. He does. Yeah.

He's pretty good at it. There you go. You like that? What? One, two. Here we go. Quip, baby. Finance, Magellona, Mike.

Christina, she did the right. Ah. You got it. It's pretty good. That's Quip Zimlona, right? Christina, he's sitting right to my right. Tom's in front of me. You can see that everything we do is just so sexy.

We own a goddamn podcast, people. That's what we do just to get back down. You're good. That was a surprise. That was better than anything. I can't freestyle. That was fantastic. Back in the day, I used to freestyle.

That used to be kind of fun. This shit should be easy. You know? So final predictions for Saturday for our listeners, do they know? My brother, U.M. is going to whoop that ass. You think it's going to be pretty bad? I mean, I don't think it's going to be pretty bad

because I think they get up for each other. You know, I mean, they step up to play this. It's a fun game to watch. I want us to win. Of course. I think Florida State has the talent to win. They fucking came back on Louisville. That was crazy.

They shouldn't have. They shouldn't have. I thought they were going to lose by like 40 points. It looked like one of those games where Lamar Jackson was quarterback and this shit's about to get ugly. But Florida State came back. Pretty crazy. I mean, Miami's look good.

Miami has looked good. Florida State's looked like. We changed our quarterback, bro. I know. Rozier's gone. Rozier's on the sideline with a headset on. And we got the freshman that's highly recruited and he's so far living up.

There's a lot of that going on in college ball this year. Clemson, you see that? They demoted Bryant. He's like, I'm transferring and then Lawrence gets hurt. That was crazy. And that Bryce kid came in. Very next game, Lawrence gets hurt. And how good is Clemson that they win the fucking game anyway?

And Syracuse looks damn good. Syracuse looks legit for the first time since Jim Brown played there. And yeah, they look great. There's a lot of great football watching this year. If we win, you wear the Miami shirt on your next podcast. So when I tune in, I want to see it. And then if you got a Miami shirt?

No. You don't? No, I don't have. Come on, man. Don't fuck, bro. All right, fuck that. Oh my goodness. I got a gazillion, Tom.

So you can keep this one. Yeah, put that right here for you. So Finesse has a shirt that he's wearing under his shirt that he's giving to Tom. Yeah, so I had on a Miami shirt, but then I realized I double dipped. But that's all right. Here's what'll happen.

FFSU wins. I'll have my editor, producer of this show, cut together a promo for your special, which will look cool, but I'll lay the war chant underneath it. So it'll be the Florida State fight song. You know what? So it'll be like,

Ness Mitchell, all right? All right, let's go. It'll promote your special. Thank you, bro. It'll be Florida State themed. You know what? I can't even get mad. It's almost like, you know what?

I'm going to tell my 2.2 million subscribers about your special. Yeah. But you're going to drink this juice. There you go. You're going to drink this. It's so good to see you, man. I hope we can do this again.

Absolutely, man. Invite me anytime. You know what? I'm about to start a podcast. I don't know when. Don't know where. I got a microphone. We'll let people know.

You let me know when you do it, and we'll let people know about it for sure. No, absolutely. Absolutely. Oh, good. Nando's South African Comedy Festival alum, Miami alum. The new special is...

The Spirit told me to tell you. October 19th. Showtime. DVR it. Watch it live. Showtime on the go, or Showtime on demand. Check it out, people. It's super funny.

They're going to call me one take, Jake, because I only did one show, and what you get is what you get. He's a super funny guy. But you're such a pro. I bet it's amazing. I can't wait to watch it. We're going to watch it.

Our closing song was submitted by Chase. It's called Lyric Champ. You can let me know what you think. But thanks again for coming. And also, I want to remind people, October 30th, the degenerates drops, you guys. Oh, snap. Oh, and I also want to say,

if you find me on Instagram, at Finesse Mitchell, F-I-N-E-S-S-E. Oh, I'm going to find you right now. And in Twitter, but more so Instagram. I pretty much like it. Oh, what is it? What is it? F-I-N-E-S-S-E, M-I-T-C-H-E-L-L,

at Finesse Mitchell. At Finesse Mitchell. You're verified. I have you right here. I just followed. Make sure you send a lot of shit talking to him about Miami. Just trash him.

Okay. All right. Do that. Have fun with that. All right. Thanks, buddy. Here we go. Here's the song.

You already know what it is. Bird crush of the fast motherfucker I've ever seen. Bitch, please home in a rub. Me, you'll come off like a dog. Can't don't forget that glass of water when you spark a bad blunt. Bitches, I'll free my street like that tattooed blood drama.

I've got so many Sahara deserts. Bitch, we call that drama. We got Miami Christina, who will just cocker snatch up. Better watch yourself, the water chapel, come and get ya. Keep your jeans high and tight, no matter how loose they ditch ya.

For real though, don't fuck up his order, or he'll kill and ditch ya. I don't know what the fifth sent. Oh, it's you guys are doing good. Anything's better than me, but fuck my gay ghost that's in the hood. One woman or house, can you guess what it is?

You can piss on me and beat me, but please don't fuck your kids. It's just like the gay. Like the gay. Like the gay. Like the gay.