Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 475-Ryan Sickler & Sean Anders - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: November 21, 2018

Jeans are back up and on and thankfully no more fire in our hood.  We are BLESSED this episode to be joined by comedian and podcaster, Ryan Sickler! His new album, GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF is out now and currently #1 on iTunes. It's definitely worth your time - go ahead and check that one out, playa! AND, Sean Anders the writer-director of INSTANT FAMILY stops by for a long conversation. It's real and neat and raw.  This is one of our faves in a long time, JULIA. Mmwaahh!

Oh man, a lot of crazy things happening. This episode is going to be nuts, but we've been adding a lot of dates on this tour. If you don't know yet, the 2019 tour for me is blowing up. We added a second show, San Francisco, the Masonic, that's January 4th. San Diego, we sold out too. We added a third, January 12th. That's almost gone. So I don't know if we're going to add again.

After that, Oklahoma City, San Antonio, Houston, Dallas, they're all on sale, TomSquare.com slash tour, and the added shows have been happening left and right. The most recent ad, I can't even tell you actually, I don't remember, but it might be another Seattle show that went on sale. That's in May, May 3rd. Just go to the site and grab tickets. I'll see you guys in Pachanga that sold out next week. Gene, what about you?

All right. Gene, this Saturday, I added a late show in San Diego at the House of Blues. That's November 24th. A few tickets left on that late show, so I'll snatch them up now. December 1st, Flappers Comedy Club in the side room, I'm doing a 730 and a 930 show. And then December 7th, Philadelphia, late show, just a handful of tickets left on that one. December 8th, Gramercy Theater, same deal.

Yeah, December 8th, New Judoerk titties. And then January 10th, the comedy store, January 31st through February 2nd, I'm in Denver, Colorado at Comedy Works. And then in February in Madison, Wisconsin, the comedy club on state, I'm doing the Rider Dye Tour. You can check out the tickets at Christina P. Online. Nice. There you go, Denim.

All right. Don't forget the degenerates, of course, on Netflix and Instant Family. It's in theaters right now. Go check it out right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now. I hope you enjoy it. A lot of people have told me that they laughed and cried and they're upset that they cried. All right. You're terrible.

All right. Is it time? It's time. It is time. The great, you might know him as Sickle Cell, but to us, he'll always be known as the great Ryan Sickler. He's like a son to me, man. Like a son to me, man.

He's like a son to me. He is here. The new album is out. It's currently number one on the iTunes search. It's Ryan Sickler, Get a Hold of Yourself. Let's keep it at number one. Go try it, check it out, try it out, and let's do a proper show open and get this whole thing started.

All right. Here we go. I know Christina will like this one. Here we go, Gene. Okay. I went to a telescope when I see your pains. You feel so good to me, babe. That when I meet you and you talk to me, I want you to melt me like hot chocolate candy

dude. Mm-hmm. And not with hot brown, but with cool. I love you, babe. You melt me every day. This is big time. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this.

Your mama in the fucking stand. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura. Tom Segura. And Christina Pajitse. Christina Pajitse. Christina Pajitse. Christina Pajitse.

Christina Pajitse. Welcome to your mom's house. I thought you would dig that video because it was like a really smooth guy talking to chicks. I couldn't. I couldn't get past his teeth. What was wrong with his teeth? Can I tell you what?

I thought of that. Sure. I want to know. I had two questions. One, where the fuck did that guy get a cell phone and sunglasses in prison? He's in prison. Okay. The dental work and the haircut are prison appropriate, but the cell phone and the fucking

sunglasses. Where do you get cell block fees over there? Get a fucking shout out. I just, we're always fascinated by the length, the depth that men will go to. I mean, all of us want to get laid, but like, like, you know, some people just out there like, I'll make you come guy. You know, yeah. Well, they throw it out there too hard.

It's not, it's not always a good approach. This guy's just, you know, good rising on this great Saturday. I've been looking at your pictures so long, babe, and they magnify my eyes, baby. Oh, see what happened was your picture did that to his eyes. Oh, telescope. I'm a telescope. I turn it to a telescope when I see your page. When I see your base.

You feel so good to me, babe. That when I meet you and you talk to me, I want you to melt me like hot chocolate candy. Yeah, dude. And not with hot bro, but we're cool. Hot breath. I love you, babe. You melt me every day.

That is prison poetry right here. That is. You know what though? I know why this works. I know why guys are doing this. Please tell us. I got it. Because it does work and because every woman deep down inside wants to be told this stuff.

Maybe not not like that shell. Yeah. Like not in that presentation, but we all want to hear that. You want that candy bar? Just not that wrap. That's right. Thank you very much. Yes.

Look at how handsome Ryan Sickler looks. Look at you, dude. Thanks. Get a hold of yourself. I like this title. I appreciate it. There's different guys who put it out there in different ways. I don't know if you ever.

Oh God. You could go. Just make love to someone. Trade them nicely though. And then in the morning, they go their way. You go your way. Yeah. Prostitutes.

Yeah. Prostitutes. What's he watching in the background? That's always the question. I wonder what that is. It's usually Rachel Maddow. It was Rachel Maddow, which I was like, I didn't figure this guy from MSNBC type, but this right here, right?

Well, it's nothing. Just having straight up sex or play. I have a clean person. Clean. Be clean for me. Somebody who smells good down there. Down there. Keep myself clean.

Guys are always worried about that. Yeah. And also. You think he put his teeth in just for this? Well, different videos. He treats you differently. So this is one without. Short.

Tall. Skinny. Quite a heavy. Yeah. Yeah. I can't look rich woman. And then he's nice enough to be like, I'd be nice if she was rich too. Take care.

Here's the thing about that. There is someone out there. I know. Someone out there is like, I'm here. Me. Somebody did. Reach out to him. And then he put his teeth in.

Hello out there. Whoa. Hope you're doing great. Looks a lot better. New look for me. Yeah. I like those two. For all the vagina panty shots.

Yeah. I appreciate that. Very nice. Everything about it is like the lighting is better. His energy is up. Yes. He definitely is fired up. He also, he meets.

That spit between the teeth is always something. That's nice. He also meets your mom's house criteria of having the television on in the background loudly so that he records his audio and that audio at the same time. Right. A lot of beautiful women on here. If you get your guy, don't look all great. You got to stay with you longer.

They won't cheat on you with another one. They won't cheat on you with another guy. All right. Is that the sales pitch for Hamlet? I love all his knick-backs back there. Do you see him? Well, Ryan, I don't know if you're familiar with the criterion for your mom's house video, but A, the lighting has to be garbage.

B, the shot. The shot has to be bad too. It's got to be shot from down here. There's usually like a fan or something in the background. The TV. The TV, the audio has to be poor. You got to take all the boxes, huh? Have you, I'm so excited to get to this and jumping all around.

First of all, why don't we, before I forget. I love Ryan Sickler. He's the best. He's so nice. So the album, where did you record the album? I'm not allowed to say. Really? Yeah.

They made me sign saying, you probably know by me saying that, but they made me sign a deal. I was like, I'd be happy to promote that. And they were like, nope. So they wouldn't let me say, but it was in Southern California. Okay. What's the, I'm not even going to, I'm not trying to pry to get it, but like, you know, what's the, why did they say don't, you're not allowed to say. I don't know.

I don't know if it's part of like, they don't want anyone thinking they can come and do that. You know what I mean? I don't know. Maybe it's a riffraff thing or because usually the places are happy to have them put that shit in a large print. Yeah. Okay. But you recorded it at an Anaheim Angel Stadium.

I'll just go ahead and say it. A hundred people showed it was in the dugout. That's where we set the Pac-Man, right? Wasn't it? That was it. Anaheim. Bill Engvall seats. Roy Firestone.

Okay. Tell you guys, guys. My favorite thing when the two of you get together. Yeah. Cause I've known you too. I consider you a brother, Ryan. Thank you. Sickle cell.

It's been about 15 years. I was just thinking about the other night. It's been at least that, maybe more. You've been a guest in our home for holidays, Thanksgiving, everything. And my favorite thing when you come around is that you light Tommy up. That's really nice. And the two of you. Look how he lights up.

I know. I'm telling you, look. I'm so happy he's been all day. He's got that guy's teeth in right now. Yeah. And the two of you. Feeling better. Start talking like black guys immediately when you get together.

Okay. Yeah. You start yelling in black. I don't like that. You just did it in the dugout. Well, we were yelling at Pac-Man. Just yelling. Yeah.

Oh, not yelling in black. I don't know. I don't know. In black. In black. Black voice. In a funny black voice. Oh, you have brothers.

I do. Do you ever smoke meth with them? Never. Ever thought about it? I have smoked weed with both my brothers. And that's as far as my drug really goes anyway. I'm not crazy. They've done a lot more stuff, but you're someone who I always wanted to show this

to. Smoked meth. Do you know about this guy? The meth guy? I'm not sure. Oh, shit. Let me get a look at him. I'm not good with names.

We'll see. Okay. If you've had any kind of drug, this order problem. Oh, it's the same. I'm here to tell you. Forget that bag or forget about salads. Forget about dick and plants and all that stuff. So I don't know if you believe me or not.

God damn it, man. If you like to see me smoke some meth with a small limp dick. That doesn't get harder the other way. And watching you harder and harder, the more I smoke, the harder my dick gets. It's unbelievable. He's, first of all, he's making edits on this video. Oh, you know what's interesting? Every time someone new comes and sees it, they add a layer.

You're right. But let's, can we go back to Christina's? This is clearly a halfway house. Can we go? I have a relative. My cousin's in one. This is like a halfway house. You want to go back to Christina's last point of what great framing and...

It's all there, man. These guys are all sick of the boxes, man. The camera's got to be under your chin. Is a layer, is a layer in the, in the criteria. Is it also a ridiculous ask? Because this guy's like, you want to see me smoke meth with a little dick and then it gets harder and harder. I take like a choo-choo trap.

The other guy's like, if you just want to send me some pussy shots and panty shots. It's always a ridiculous ask. You're right. You've got to add that to the box. That's actually probably the production value because there's edits. Yeah. And then, and then... Well...

You're right. The ask should probably be near the top. Yeah. But wait, it's... So here's the best part. As ridiculous as that is... You're right. Which one?

This one? This was the lowest, most... This is the least ridiculous point of this video. Let me continue playing this for you. Oh boy. You won't believe how good it feels. If you're straight, you won't believe how good it feels. Your dick head becomes so sensitive that you don't need lube.

You don't need spit. You just stroke that dick head this up and down four times. It's just hot. I'm gonna do it. And you'll shoot an enormous amount of very thick, thick, hot white cum. This guy's not a veteran at this. He's a veteran. Like that's how deep he is four times.

He knows all the steps. Wait, hold on. You haven't even heard the best part. More cum than I've ever done in my life. And I know I'm gay. I love to get blowjobs. And I'll tell you what. I cannot wait when I'm so fucked up and hot and horny on myth.

I'll let anybody suck and get me a blowjob. That's nice. Anybody can do that. I mean, he's friendly about it. Well, here's the best part. My brother didn't believe me. But when he smoked with me, he put out his dick. I can't believe how big his dick was.

He jacked off in four strokes and shot the most cum he's ever shot in his life. He's only 49 and he's fine. He has no neuropathy problems at all. A lot of other problems. Harder and thicker and even more cum. He believes me now. He believes me now. He believes me now.

This guy just told the world his brother smoked meth with him, whipped his dick out and shot a load bigger than he's ever, ever has in all 49 of his years. That's unbelievable. Are you gonna do that with your brother? I can't wait. I can't wait for Christmas. We've got something else to do now. So if you want to see me go from a limp dick to a hard dick.

No thanks. I will do it this weekend. And I'll videotape it. We got it. And this is a small deal. We get it. He's using a phone with the same videotape. Harder and harder.

That's a pretty bad deal. That's a pretty bad deal. Let me know. Then bother me a bit. If you say yes, I'll show it to you. Okie dokie. Why does he have to keep reiterating? He's been reminding you.

He's in a halfway house and just off camera. Over here playing solitaire on a cot. Somebody over here has got some pea soup. I know exactly what's going on in that room. They don't even give a fuck. They're like, whatever. Larry's in it again. He's talking about coming a lot in his four strokes.

I was back in Baltimore for my shows this weekend. And I went to a Ravens game. And you know, we make fun of the Baltimore accent all the time. And I heard so many really good, just one liners, but with that accent. But the one that stood out to me was this guy. We're all in line at the Euro. And it's like five, six people deep, each one of them. There's always the one guy.

He's entertaining the whole bathroom. And he starts talking about if you had to, would you eat your own dick? And that's in the bathroom. This is the question he presents to a public men's restroom. And everybody, this area, this corner where he is over there, they're all starting to talk about it. And one guy's like, first thing in my mouth ain't going to be my own dick. I got two pinky toes and one dick.

And I'm going to eat my pinky toes first. So they keep going. And he's like, I'm asking a buddy of mine, if we got to die, you got to eat me. He's like, I ain't eating you. And finally, this one salty dude in the back gets tired of it. And he just goes, put your dick away and move on one. I started fucking laughing. So goddamn hard, dude.

Put your dick away. He's up there all talking to people. And he's like, put your dick away and move on. Move on. Ones two as a two syllable. Oh, say, can you see me? Yeah, that was a lot of fun. By the dawn's early white.

Can I tell you what bothers me about the four stroke guy? Is that he has to talk about. Wait, something bothers you about this guy? He has to keep saying, if you want to go from just a little, little limp dick to a hard dick. Over and over. He says it like fucking 10 times. Because he's actually trying to see who's excited about it, you know?

Oh, he's throwing it out. If you want to see it get hard. And because there's somebody, there's guys out there who are like, fuck yeah, there are. I love seeing hard dicks. Yes. And also my little dick, I want it to get hard. Oh. Have we now, to make sense of it, I want to show you the submission so badly.

I'm so disconnected from it. Are you familiar with this, Ryan? Are you familiar with? Good morning, Julia. I mean, so far I'm over here. And that's, so it's like, we're going to be consistent here. Let's hear this. You heard that.

Did you know what that was? Me, Joe. You know what that is? Joe, wasn't it? But do you know who this is? Good morning, Julia. Is this the triad guy? No.

Okay. Fantastic. He has no idea. So let me just give you a little background. So we were actually supposed for people that don't know, we were actually going to talk to her last week. Julia? Yes.

But the fires created like kind of, you know, this has, we kind of left here in a different day. So we're going to have her on, hopefully, I'll say hopefully next week, we actually found Julia. Julia is a young lady who one day had an encounter with this individual and then next day, and by the way, she wasn't like, what are you doing? I'd like to talk to you more. She just met this dude and then, like, where do you know?

I believe the story at the gym. So a public place. Yeah. The story was being passed around was that she met him at a bar and she let me know. She goes, that's not true. I didn't meet him at a bar. So I'll give you the full story and I was told that the correct story is that they go to the same gym and he just happened to pick up on her name and somehow got her info.

She spoke to him like, like, hey, how's it going at the gym? And then next day opens her phone and gets this on her phone. Good morning, Julia. It's me, Joe. Just wanted to say hi, wish you a great day, tell you that meeting you yesterday and getting a look at you was probably one of the greatest moments of my life. You were so beautiful. You don't know how beautiful you are to me.

I mean, just, you're gorgeous. You're precious. It's a little much. But it's been sitting in my mind when you said to me, you want to go back with your ex-boyfriend. Please erase him from your memory. Don't ever go back in the past. I know, because I've been there and I understand when you find somebody and you go on dates and nothing compares to your ex, but there is that better person out there and Julia,

I promise you, it is me. I will love you like you've never been loved before, cherish you. I'll make you feel like a woman, a real woman and believe me, after you experience me, you won't even know who your ex-boyfriend is. Open up your heart to me in your arms. In your arms. Let's go full throttle. Let's go full throttle.

Let's go full throttle. I just looked in your eyes and I just melt. Full throttle. And this is someone he just met. Keep in mind. I mean, a day earlier, a day before, the day before, so she gave her his, or she gave him her number. We don't know.

We don't know. I mean, a normal guy like this wouldn't do anything shady, like pay to find out what her number was. He was just, I'm sure she did. The story, I hate, I hate continuing. I don't want to spread misinformation because we were about to get the full story from her, but somebody who said that they were friends with her said that he even discovered her name by the sign in sheet.

Yeah. That's crazy. So how did this video get out though? He sent it to her and she posted it? No. She shared it with friends and then they, someone in that circle put it where it started to share it more. No.

Just send it to their friends. This went viral from that one woman saying, look at the dude I met at the gym. And then it got sent to us. Well, actually, to be fair, Buzzfeed, I didn't know this at all because, you know, things get so big on the internet, so far, it's bigger than us. You can, you can get latch onto something a couple of years. This had a life, I think on Buzzfeed a few years ago, oh, years ago, couple of like, like 2016, let's say.

And so, but I mean, you know, it got some notoriety and then it died down. We discovered this, I don't know, a couple months ago. I mean, you know, it's new to us. Has anyone contacted this dude? Well, I don't know. I mean, I, now tell me this, if you're like me, because we've shown this to a couple of people now, don't you feel like as a guy, there's the part of your brain that identifies with what he's doing?

Like, you know, I feel embarrassment for him because I go, you don't feel embarrassment for him. No. Oh, I feel embarrassment for him. I'm going, I'm thinking about your question. You know that like, you've met someone who you're like, I wish I could, you know, whatever, like you met someone, you want to send them a message, but your brain goes, don't, not this, don't, don't put out too much, like hold back, like your own instincts tell you,

if don't go over the top, I'm like, oh my God, I love you because that's crazy to do. And it's like, he doesn't have that part that goes for him. It's like, just put it all out there, open up your heart. She's going to love this. She's going to just love. Exactly. She loves about me. That's why I live alone with three fucking ceiling fans.

Go back. He's got two in the kitchen and some, and some lighting. He's got a lot of shit on the ceiling. This is my cute little hall. Oh, thank God. You see behind everything. I built everything. Every square inch from crown mold into chair rail, the floors, the lighting, the plumbing,

doors, windows. You built plumbing. So this is the type of guy you're getting. I'm a very handy guy and I'd love to build you whatever you want. Anything. You're a sweetheart. I hope this video doesn't scare you, but that's how I feel. He knows.

Everybody else is fucking scared. Of course he does. He knows. I look forward going out to dinner with you. So let's make it happen. Chow baby. Chow baby, double negative on the sign-off. He knows.

He slipped on the diamond board, hit his head and fell in, two of them on the way out at that time. He knows. He knows it's fucked up to do it. And then he's doing it. You know why? Why? Because he's telling the people first.

They all said, don't fucking do it. Like three, three guy friends, he was like, what do you guys know? You're fucking single. I'm sitting here talking to you. It's I'm doing it. Look, now I'm so happy to show you this. Can I tell you something? No.

I have a lot more sympathy for him right now. Why? Like I just feel every time I see it, I feel, I feel worse and worse for him. You know what I mean? Cause I get the impulse like we talked about a single. He's still single. He's like, I see the desperation and like he wants so badly to have love. Yeah.

And he just doesn't know that you got to be cool in the beginning about it. Let's see. That's the thing is he thinks that is cool, but here's the other thing again, hang on. I just want to say good morning. This is hard to her again. My flower. Please say it's the next day. Yeah.

My soon to be my everything. My soon to be my everything. Have a great day. Love. That's even that. Now it's getting weird. He's driving there. He's still feeling bad.

Now it's getting weird. Why? I don't know. The first video is excusable. The second one, when then she doesn't respond is like, oh, she might have been busy, Christina. And that's how he's thinking. That is right. Now how do you feel about this?

Oh Christ. Morning, Julia. Needless to say, Julia, the last three, three months have been pretty hard. Julia, I turn into an internet star and wait. Is that really him? No. I was going to say. He was just sending it.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I was going to say he was like this. He's got busted eye. College town. I met another girl, Julia. Her name is Trisha.

Good morning, Trisha. Anyway, Trisha's boyfriend. He's big. I'm getting sick. He's sick. I'm getting sick. I'm getting sick. He's sick.

I'm getting sick. I'm getting sick. I'm getting sick. I'm getting sick. Right. Thanks to me. I took down all the fun and Joy, I got rid of everything. The fans are gone.

The fans down my little house. Sorry. And then I got a gun, played hook damn. What the heck. True. This guy is killing it. Look at his eyes. That's the one I know, man.

Man, I gotta tell you, our listeners are so goddamn funny. The stuff that, like even just on Instagram, the photo shops we've been getting of Garth and of Utah. Yeah, your Garth brook shit is, I know someone in his team has had to be like Garth. I'm a Garth brooks fan, like legit. I am a Garth brooks fan. You are. I'm a fan.

I am, but I never knew that about you. Also, I love shameless. I love much too young to be this damn old. I like those Garth brooks. What about Chris Gaines? Chris Gaines. I don't dislike Chris Gaines. Are you serious?

No, I dislike Chris Gaines. I thought I knew you. I don't like his alter ego, but I do like his haircut. That's cute. He actually looks cute. The emo haircut looks good on Chris Gaines. Dude, let me. But there's no way he hasn't heard this something.

No, he's got. Hold on. Can we address something? What? Quickly before we move along is that the last time we were recorded this show, we were under threat. Oh yeah. We're such assholes.

Of fires. Sorry. Let's kind of. Because it was a real panic. Yeah. Can we address that with the audience? Well, yeah. Of course.

I feel like we just. We're all over the place. Sorry. Yeah. Sorry guys. We've been recording this out of sequence. That's why. But just so you know, obviously we're back.

Everything's fine. And we were. Terrible. And we lived. We live fairly close to like the, for instance, an exit, one exit past us, two exits past us was shut down. Yeah. And it was coming like.

And the wind was moving it. Oh, and were you officially in the evacuation? No. We had a voluntary. So they were. But they weren't like you have to. But I mean, this neighborhood basically emptied out, you know. Well, and if you wait for them to tell you to go.

Yeah. It's too late. You don't have time. And they're babies. And Tom travels. And so I was like, let's just fucking go. Anyways, so the amount of relief I saw on her face when I was like, yeah, yeah, let's just go.

She was like, oh, well, there was raining down ashes and it was really smoky too. Anyway, we're back. We're back. We're fine. Thanks for everything. It's fine. And thank you for all your kind tweets and your comments and stuff. This is what's hilarious.

It's scary. So we're back. I was in that one right there in the canyon where you used to live. Remember that one? It was a fire early in the year and we got the, it was like an amber alert style text on blast on our phones that said, you are officially on the line of evacuation. It's a voluntary one, but if it creeps any farther south of like sunset, then you have to go and it was ash everywhere and we got a scary, scary lady.

It looked like Armageddon going through there. Joe's. Joe's was mandatory. And here's what's crazy. Neighbors of his, their house burned down. It did. Uh-huh. And but he also had neighbors that stayed home.

And I'm like, dude, I'm like, if you're multiple houses are burning down and then he's like, there's neighbors that are like, yeah, I'm just sticking it out. I didn't even tell you today. I took our, our tiny jeans to the doctor today for his four month appointment, driving through, driving up North. I haven't driven. It's all black. Everything's burned up, man.

And houses and everything's just gone. It's, it's fucking crazy. It's like the apocalypse going North from here. So it's really scary. And it's exactly like two exits anyways. We're here. So this is Garth's Instagram. I know I've been on it, but I'm just showing it.

Loving it. So like you open it, look at the comments. It's full throttle. Yeah. It's full throttle. Mommy's all over the place. Uh, oh really? Thanks so much for, here's my new fan page.

Um, sorry. The, uh, G is, yeah, G is going full, let's get, let's, let's get physical playing music. I like that. I love it. Um, it's just been. We've infiltrated. Oh yeah. Oh, you're, you're way.

Come later for moose soup. That's the best part about our fans is that they infiltrate. They get your fans, or let me tell you, your fans have been super supportive of me and my podcast and this album. And I still, from time to time, am asked if I really ate Hillary Clinton's asshole. Really? I still, I swear to God, I still get, yo, did you really eat Hillary Clinton's ass? Look at this.

People ask me that on Garth Garth's page. Have you ever had the desire to call Hange and Philly on stage and have a, her blast of fart in your face? This is to Garth Brooks. There's nothing they can do with that either. No, there's nothing they could do. That shit is on there. No.

He is blast of fart in your face. The trans Canada highway. You guys have taken over this page and it couldn't make me happy. Me too. Let me see. Me too. Nothing gives me joy like this form. Jeans up.

Here you go. A nice smile, Garth. I know that they're all saying it from here. Nope. Look at all that. Tom, they're asking me like, do you want to sign up? They're all like tagging me and all his shit now. It's fucking.

I don't know. I love it. I love it too. You're right. Somebody like in his marketing team is like, definitely, there's someone paid to read that. Oh my God. What if we could get Garth Brooks to call in on the show? You know, we got Gloria Stefan to call in because of our bombardment on Twitter.

Do you think Garth would be like, hey, I don't kill people like you guys say I do. I don't know. Maybe we could start a campaign. Maybe. What do you think? I mean, this is kind of its own campaign right here. Good morning, Julia. Yeah.

I'm making this video so that when you wake up this morning in the trunk of my car, I'm going to freak out too much because I just need you to know, just like I fixed my house, I fixed your water heater. I'm going to fix you too. And if you keep making noise back there, I'm going to drive this full throttle. So funny. Hey, Julia. The ceiling fan store.

This guy wins already. Last night was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Later than that time, I went to Mawley Crew and got to sit front row in 1987. I want to care for you. Care for you. I want to vanish you and keep you in my modeled house and never, ever let go of you. As you can see, I remodel a lot. I have lots of ventilation in this whole place.

Just think, you'll never think of your ex again for the rest of your life. So come be with me, Julia. I open up your heart to me, Julia. Open up your heart. I'll open it up for you. Full throttle up in here. We'll go full throttle all the way. Love you, Julia.

Got a sponsor out. He's got a full throttle with him. He's drinking. Good afternoon, Julia. I just want to say, it was one of the most beautiful times in my life hanging out with you last night. So funny. So I just want to show you here.

My face. Oh, I built it all myself. He built this. All of them. All of them. All of them. Sand over here. I put in the whole playground.

I planted trees. That's the kind of guy you're going to get. So I plan to take you to dinner tomorrow at Bonnie's. Let's do it. Let's go full throttle. All right. Mwah. Mwah.

The kiss. Andre. Oh, my God. My face hurts. Mwah. So funny. Julia. It's me, Joe.

I just wanted to say that that conversation that we had the other night was the best 23 minutes of my life. From then on, I knew that you and I were meant to be together. I could see myself bringing you around when I'm with the boys. Maybe introducing you to a seven-floor crew. Like that. You see this light? I installed it myself.

And sometimes when I sit and stare at it for hours on end, it just reminds me of me and you. Turned on and lights up my life. Oh, God. I'll let you make the distinction of who's who. He does a great full throttle, actually. Yeah. The earnest.

Oh, my God. Good morning, Julia. It's me, Joe. Just wanted to say hi. Wish you a great day. And just want to let you know that I'm meeting you yesterday and getting a look at you. This is great framing. First of all, it looks like it is 5.30 a.m.

It looks like he's literally doing this in the morning. It is. It is, right? No precious. And it's just been setting my mind. Break lights lighten up his face and shit. Just to erase him from your memory, you're never going to see him again. He's in my trunk.

He's dead. That's the type of guy you get. That's the type of guy you get in. I love that. The fan store is still my favorite. Yeah, dude, that's the one. One last one here for today. 100 fans.

This is right now. Here's Matthew. Oh, my God. Morning, Julia. He's got one. I just want to check in on you. I hope you're having a great day. I just wanted to say.

God, his house looks like this. I think Jew last night was one of the best days of my life. He is so beautiful, Julia. And any thoughts of getting back with your ex, just put that out of your head. You can forget he ever existed. He backed in so you could see it. That's nice. He just chopped up in a black hefty bag in my garage.

A garage I built myself. Everything from the crown molding to the floors. I keep you nice and clean. My ceiling fans go on corn frogs. If you're getting a fan, Julia, I love you. Let's do this thing. Please ignore any pictures of my wedding day or anything that has to do with my wife, because I'll fucking kill her too.

Julia, come on. Oh, my God. This has gone to another level now. Oh, God. Oh, God. These are getting better. Those are getting better. Oh, man.

I love our audience so much for these. That is so fucking fun. I know. It starts as a seed and then it grows. But also the guy in the fan store is in a public place doing that. I know. You know what I mean? Like a manager could walk by and be like, what the fuck are you doing, buddy?

That's so good. The crown mold. Crown mold. Jesus Christ. Oldest back here. But the life that this had on Buzzfeed, it didn't have this life. No, no, no. There's been no pulse for two years and all of a sudden you all just fucking Frankenstein,

this motherfucker. Well, that's why she reached out. She was just like, hey, I thought this was over. I thought this shit was behind me. You're like, hi, Julia. She seems so nice. She seems lovely. That's why he probably fell for all these guys' lovers.

Well, what happened was, I'll tell you what happened. I bet you he says something and she's like one of those sincere, nice people who was like hi and made eye contact and saw him and was like smiled and he was like, this is my wife right here. I'm going to make this lady my wife. She just paid attention to me. Like really gave her a normal mistake. I'm going to make sure I clarify that normal mistake would be like, because I've made

that mistake too when someone's been overly friendly and I'm like, hmm. Yeah. But as far as I'll go is to offer my number. I don't ever ask for theirs. I give mine. If you want to call, you call. If you don't, you know, you're going to get the fucking point. You don't, if she never calls, you don't fucking send videos.

You know what I'm saying? Like the normal, I think again, it's a mistake. That's a lot of times like with a waitress, especially their job is to be flirty and, you know, be overly friendly and touchy and all that shit. Right. Especially Hooters. That's their job. Yeah.

Yeah. We have a friend that used to go there quite a lot. Yeah. Three of them. He was very close to you. Do I live with you? Oh yeah. Yeah.

Oh yeah. He was a regular. He was. He was. He had a table, man. What are you talking about? He had regular titties. He was a, he had, he was the guy.

And there's guys like this who, who at who, like, I'm the type of person who, uh, resents the overly friendly waitress in a place like where I know they're coached to do it. I'm like, I stopped smiling because I feel like it's so contrived. You know what I mean? It's an authentic. Like when they're like, and then smiley face on the thing and like, all right, like I'm not, I'm not a sucker. Like stop.

Well, the Hooters girl is trained to treat you like a sucker. I've liked her to fucking treat you like a sucker. Yeah. He's the guy. Our friend is the guy who's like, I think that chick really liked, he's captain save. Oh yeah. That's who you are. Yeah.

She's trained to do that. He's like, no, no, no. No, not for me. She put her hand on my arm and she told me if I was, she's like, you look happy today or you look sad today. I was going to cheer you up. I'm like, that's all coached. You don't know that's coached.

Wait. Now that's a question. Now hold on. So this mutual friend, cause that seems to me to be the guy that's prone to making the Good Morning Julia videos is a guy that misreads the sign. So did this guy kind of overstep recording boundaries? I don't know. A lot.

Yeah. Multiple times. Yeah. So many times. I don't know how. I don't know how much I shouldn't say. Because you know, but yes, he, well, I'll tell this story. There was one time where he went into the back of LA weekly and found a masseuse and then

he hit me up and he's like, God, I'm a sooth coming over tonight. I'm like, I'm a sooth. Yeah. My neck and back have been bothering me. I'm like a house, a house masseuse. Yeah. So if you hear the door, just, you know, let her in. I'm like, okay.

And then she knocks on the door and I open it up and she's like, hi. And I'm like, are you the masseuse? And she's like, yeah. And I'm like, where's your table? Where's your chair? No. Where's your oil? Where's your towel?

You got, you don't even have a fanny pack on. Like I've had massage. And she's like, oh, he's like, stop, stop. Stop it. So he lets, he lets her in. Yeah. He lets her in. And he, uh, you know, spends a few hours and then she leaves and, um, no, no.

That's right. Thank you. Thank you. She doesn't leave. She, uh, he sends her into my room to take a shower. So I, I had left. I come back and I'm like, Hey, who's in my shower? He's like, oh, the masseuse.

I'm like, what the fuck? Dude, that's basically a prostitute. Okay. No, she's nice. I go, there's a lot of nice prostitutes. I go, but my wallet and shit are like, what are you doing? Like your bath? That's my room.

Like all my personal, why couldn't she? She had a bathroom. What? Cause he didn't want her dirty ass in there. You know? So I go, Hey, I'm beating on my door like, Oh, you got to wrap that shit up and get out. Get out. Got to get out of my bathroom.

He's like, don't be like that to her. I'm like, he's like, she's not like that. I get you just spent an hour and a half with this woman in your room getting a massage. What do you mean? She's, you don't know a fucking thing about her. So I do a show one night. This is back in the Ontario days when you would drive out and back and out and back. And on that Saturday night, remember you did an 11 o'clock show and I was middling.

So I don't, I'm not getting home until one 32 o'clock, you know, and I'm always on an adrenaline high. I can't fall asleep right away. So I'm watching some TV and it's about three 30 in the morning at this point. And I see this bedroom light turn on and I hear two voices. I'm like, Oh, well, good for him. He fucking, he got laid and the door opens up and here comes the masseuse. I go, now I go, what the fuck are you doing?

Well, I go, how much did that cost you right now? How she didn't charge me. I go, Bullshit. She just wants to get to know me. That's it. So does the hood. Yeah. I made a fuckload.

Okay. I was at a strip club with him one night. Wait, wait, wait, but he did pay her. Wait. So you found out that he did pay her. That woman's not coming over for fire. That better one. The strip club.

The strip club one was him going to a strip club multiple nights. We're like, are you going back to strip club? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then he's like, it sounds like a good morning Julia thing where Ryan's like, how much money have you spent at the strip club? And he's like, in the last couple of days.

Yeah. That's what he had. If you have to ask if there's a clarifier, he's like $800. Oh my God. And then he was like, beat, beat, beat, but this girl really likes me. Oh no. Really 100%. He, I would, I went a couple of times with him and he's like, I'm going to go in the

back with this girl. Okay. And you just go get a, you know, you go get a lap dance or whatever. But those girls will fucking be straight up with you. Like for a couple of bucks, you know, we can work some shit out. So he was gone. I mean, it was a while and then finally I was like, well, fuck this. I went, this is how long he was gone.

He was gone for like 30 minutes and I'm sitting in a strip club by myself, which I always think is creepy anyway. So I'm like, well, fuck, I got a joint in the car. So I go out to the parking lot. I smoke an entire joint by myself. Okay. I'm out there for a good 20, 30 minutes. I go back in.

He's still not back. And then, and then when he finally does show up like another 30 minutes later, he comes from behind me and I know that's where the ATM is. And I go, what the fuck, man? I said, I thought maybe you crossed the line and they were back there fucking you up. I didn't know, but I can't get back there. I didn't know what was going on. Didn't hear from you.

Well, here's what happened. She likes, she likes me. No. He said that he can't come from head. So he's paying for a blow job, but he can't tell her, Hey, this doesn't really work on me. So he's being overly polite letting her do this because he doesn't want to stop her. What he forgets is that you also have to, you're paying for the dance per song.

He's back there for like six fucking songs more. So he's paying the dance plus fees. Yeah. Why did he just jack off? I don't know. I'm looking into it. Yeah. So wait, you should ask him, Hey, can we pull up his, that's what it was like.

It was like a $1,200 a night. Oh my God. He forgot about the fucking, I have a, I forget who it was that told me. I don't know if you, somebody we all, somebody told me a story about being, being at a strip club. I gotta be a stripper. I know. No.

And so talking to somebody, like talking to the girl, just like, I'm here, you're there. And he was just like, it just went on and on. Just kept talking. And then after 20 or 30 minutes, he was like, all right, you know, it's going to go over here now and talk to somebody else. And they're like, whoa, whoa, the girl's like, you owe me like 600 bucks because that was like six onks. And he was like, he was like, I didn't talking.

Yeah. Well, for her time, right? Correct. I understand. She was like money. She was saying that it was that he was talking to her in an area that was all the boy. He was in the bullpen. He was in the bullpen.

Like if he talked to her over there, it's all right. It's up to her. It's up to her. I see. And that means you're. Wow. And he got like, you know, then they security, because I'm not paying you a fucking dime. It's not fair if you're not made aware of that policy beforehand, is it?

I mean, that's not cool. I mean, yeah, if it's a range, then it's a range. Yeah. She should tell him, hey, dude, do you mind? This is what the deal is. This is a money seat. Yeah. Well, that's, he would have conversations.

He got to know all their real names, all their real names, which by the way, isn't their real name. They've got three. I'm Tyson. Okay. What's your real name? Chanel. It's probably Jennifer.

You know what I mean? It's none of those. And he would tell them all the time, his line was, you're better than this. He would say that to these girls and they were like, no, I'm not. I'm making a ton of fucking money. I have a great life. Right. Right.

I want to do this. Yeah. He wants to save everyone. This is a perfect time to say, I got a message this week from the stripper, the emailed, Hey, Tom, I'm a huge fan of yours and Christina's. I'm a stripper. I really love your comments on these weird try it out type guys. I have a story for you guys.

This past weekend, I had a customer come in who's really into castration and I was wearing a plaid outfit. I guess this will make sense. He ended up getting a lap dance, but a lap dance is not what he wanted. He laid on the floor in the lap room in the lap dance room, asked me to stomp on his balls with my sharp stripper heels. Great. While role playing as a farm girl who's going to castrate her least favorite bowl.

Okay. I wish I had a video of this conversation. So do I. So do I. That sounds amazing. I would love to hear. That's the layer of this fuck, isn't it? So I love that, by the way.

Good for her. But that's why it's good to be a stripper. He didn't, she didn't have to have sex with him, right? She said, no, it's crushes nuts. It's great. Stomped on his nuts. That's what I'm always saying is like the fart videos, the nut crushing stuff. That's easy money.

That's money on the table. If you're a woman and not doing those things. Now let's talk about the psychology behind the guy that does the good morning Julia and the $1,200 stripper. What's going on with him? You started to say a little bit that you think it's the, he wants to rescue these girls. He feel, I think that makes him feel good. You know what I mean?

Like, but here's the other thing. It's, it's complex because after that night, after he was in the back, that was the first time he'd been with someone. He got in the car and he just took a deep breath and he looked at me. He started getting a teary-eyed. He's like, I think she was a prostitute. I said, she, you gave her money for a sexual favor like she's a prostitute. That's the definite.

He was upset with himself, right? Because he felt he was better than that. You know, you see what I'm saying? Like now he's putting it off like, no, no, I, I'm better than that. I, I'm, I'm now one of those people. I'm like, they're the people you shit on all the time. That's who you are. You know?

Yeah. But I really do think that that particular person we're talking about and this guy too, he wants to, here's what he's saying. Look at all I can do. I can provide for you. I can take care of you. I can protect you. I can love you like no one else ever has.

And I know that cause we, I saw your name on a cup. I like you. Yes. All right. Quick break. Do you have a dental update, Gene? Um, I've actually been doing all right. Let me see.

Now I think they're a little yellow. We, have you been, um, brushing? Um, yeah, I've been brushing. I'll tell you a dental update for a two year old. I took him to the dentist last time and, uh, and the lady goes, you need to, the dentist goes, you need to start flossing. I go flossing my two year old. She goes, yeah.

I go, well, how do you suggest I do that? She goes, well, I hold my son down. I just hold him down and he screams and I just go ahead and floss as he screams. I'm like, I'm pretty sure that's not the way to do it. That's the way to do it. That first dentist visit was horrific where he laid in like the text lap with it. He was like, ah, that's how it was for me too. They hated.

She, but our dentist office has, um, that's how we found the movie trolls. I'd never seen it before. They laid the chair back and they put a TV on the ceiling so the kids can watch them shit up here. I bet we could do it now. Yeah. And, uh, yeah. That was, she was not having that either.

By the way. How are your teeth? Yeah. How are your teeth? I mean, I've been to Cal Ripken of good teeth for years and years guys. I've had my day. Let me see. Yeah.

They're nice. I didn't get my first, now look, there was a lot of work done to them, but I didn't get my first cavity until I'm 45, uh, 42. God, you're old. You're 45. Yeah. Six years older than you. Krasher.

Yeah. He looks it. Yeah. You're like 15 or an all of it. Coming up on 60 plates. Do you think I look like OC guy or Sholo with my flannel? Christina, you know, I saw the, I saw your, yeah, it's kind of fucked up. I'm going to go OC guy, uh, with a black on black truck, with blacked out windows.

Yes. Yeah. Like a raptor. Yeah. Yeah. Like a Ford Raptor. Tahoe. Tahoe.

So you can tow your motorcycles out with the dunes. Yeah. One of those guys. He goes to the salt and sea. Yeah. Come over for the Q dog. Q dog. You probably got really long shorts and socks.

You probably got this much skin showing on your legs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You smoke a lot of reefer. Yeah. Yeah.

You drink a lot of like energy drinks and shit. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hold on. I want to bring up one thing before we go forward.

Okay. This is kind of a mid roll. Uh, my, our dear friend, you know him, Eric Lundy. Of course. Look back. He and I used to work and, you know, writing children's stuff together for years. Anyways, he moved back to Kansas city for the last few years has been working on a comic called Hollow Leg and he spent years.

It's crazy how dedicated this guy is to this. I mean, I'm serious. The level of the time and commitment and the artistic craft, building a, a comic book catalog. Oh, he's an enormous kid. He's a fantastic artist. He just hit me up today. But this would be the equivalent literally if you, if you've been like, you know, I've

been staying up for years and you're like, yeah, I'm like, well, I never said anything till now, but I have 19 albums. Yeah, literally. I'm serious. That's how it is. It's like a 19 box set. I mean, it's, it's that much he has built. If you go check out his thing, you're not going to see like, oh, this is cool picture.

Maybe I'll give him a shot. You, he actually has the content ready to go. It's amazing. He's got me stuff over the years. I love his stuff. He's, and here's the best part about Eric. He was a standup comic. Yeah.

So he comes from our world. Um, he's a fantastic writer and he taught himself how to draw. It's unreal. Oh, I didn't know that. He self taught and he did it all in the last few years and he's been working and working. Anyways, he's finally launched his brand new app and I really, I encourage you all to try it out. Check it out.

He's also a mommy. He listens to the show. So, hey, Eric. Shout out to the people. Hi, Lunderpants. Hello, legcomics.com. Right. Hello, legcomics.

He's on Twitter. Hello, legcomics. Instagram. And you can download the app on iTunes right now. So check it out. Hello, legcomics.com. Shout out to Eric Lundy. Amazing.

Congrats. And he just got a dog. Oh yeah. More important. Um, he just got a dog. I should plug the sale. It's the holiday sale. It's Thanksgiving week.

Black Friday. Geez. Um, here it is. Here's the on some of the online stuff that's coming for this year. It's already moving. This was the first item we'll definitely sell out by the weekend. So Jesus wore jeans as our holiday sweater. Jesus wore jeans.

T-shirt. There's a stocking and ornament. And then there's Santa Claus stuff, uh, Christmas stuff. And then we move into Christina's new ride or die stuff. The Piss On Me shirt, uh, home here now. Try it out. It's just all there. So here's the deal.

If you want 15% off, use the code TOMFRI. Like for Friday, uh, at checkout. That's merchmethod.com slash Tom Segura. And it's all there now and the Christmas sale is going. And this year we're going to be supporting, uh, Starlight Children's Foundation as our charity. All right. Uh,

That's good. Do you think of this, Gene? Right here. Watch this. Watch. This person is drying their underwear on the plane using the air conditioner. Look at this guy looking around. I mean, I mean, seriously, isn't that unbelievable?

Look, look at this dude. Look at this dude toss his, uh, his look around. It's my favorite part of this. He's like, no. This guy right here. Anybody else seeing this? It's so nasty. She's pushing on her vagina particles and particles throughout the plane.

It's not okay. Isn't that people do nasty nasty shit? Yeah. It's, uh, bare feet, always freaks me out when you find it here. Yeah. When they put it on your fucking. Yeah. Seriously.

Yeah. I've seen a lot of people testing shit. Pick their feet. Pick their diapers. Yeah. I mean, I look for that shit. I've seen diapers rolled up just left on the seat and when they get out of the plane, I'm like, you fucking pig.

I've seen people clip nails. I just want to tell a red table talk family that, you know, it's going to be a difficult, sensitive topic. We are going to be talking about race and racial relations between women and ain't going to be easy. No, because you and I have already had some conversations that we've gotten pretty tight about. Yeah.

And all our biases, because the sad part is, is that I realized I got some serious prejudices and biases myself. So there's a racial divide between women of color and white women. We don't talk about it much, but it's real and it's deep. Any comment about race, no matter how well intention can set off a firestorm which scares people away from even talking about the issue. Now what about this? The thing that really breaks my heart is that white women understand what it feels

to be oppressed, because what it feels to exactly because of their sex, what it feels to be ostracized or not being treated as an equal right. You know what? I found this, this quote, I'm going to read it prejudice is the emotional commitment to ignorance. Hmm. Well, I have to admit, I'm guilty because I do have my own biases specifically with blonde women, blonde hair on white women just triggers me blonde hair.

She has blonde hair. Both those ladies have blonde hair. That's her mom. Her mom, yeah. Her mom looks damn good. That's why she cleared it up, because she goes blonde women, her mom was like, huh? Because I do have my own biases specifically with blonde women, blonde hair on white women just triggers me.

Okay. I knew I had something special with Jada. I knew it. Yeah. She and I would be natural enemies apparently. I guess so. Damn. And so did you have a specific incident with someone who had blonde hair?

Absolutely. All throughout my childhood, I do remember experiencing being teased by white women in regards to my hair, how I looked, you know, feeling belittled. I think it's always interesting though when someone's like the way I looked and they're literally like a perfect looking human being. She's gorgeous. She's gorgeous. She's fall.

I get teased about this face. Okay. Well, I mean, I believe her, but she hates white ladies with blonde hair. Damn. What if she was like, you know, I hate, like I get triggered by white women with blonde hair, Christina Peake, other people. She's just so germane. I love that.

She was like, I hate her so much. I love that. There is a love to like, if someone that big hates you, you got to support that. Are you kidding me? That would be awesome. You got to lean in on that. Yeah. Thank you.

Did you hate me? I didn't realize. Yeah. We have a prank call that came in from Fart Simpson. Oh, cool. I like that. This might have been his Halloween one. Thank you for calling.

How can I help you? My name's Ty. Hello. How are you? I just moved into this house about two weeks ago. There's been a lot of weird things happening since I moved into this place. I've been talking with different people around town and they've been telling me about different ghosts in this house.

Are you trying to get rid of those spirits in your house? They told me about this woman that used to kill moose or something like that and then make soup out of them. Okay. There was also a guy that used to let strangers sexually abuse him so they could live in his house. I also heard about a guy that used to smoke meth with his brother and they would do sick and disgusting things with each other.

And check this shit out. They told me about this Asian massage therapist later on. They committed suicide in the house, something like that. Okay. Have you seen or what kind of things have you heard? Most of the cabinet doors come open. Things fall out the covers. Okay.

Yeah. There's no sign of someone like you. So I'm going to need your help. Help me summon these spirits right now. Okay. Spiritus, satanica, potatoes, incursio, etsecta, diabolica, humanus, cretaurus, ghost, can you hear me? You can have many things.

I'm sad. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. He's sweet. He's called Desmond. Human, saltiest, paragonist. He's a free Frenchman. He looks like he's a rough, rough, rough, rough. Venom, propneri, you've got a subcutitie.

You hear that? I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do.

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I do. I just do with it. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do.

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I do. I just do with it. I do. I do. I do. I do. I'm doing. I'm showing you what I'm doing.

I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do.

I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I just do. I just do.

I do. I just do. I just do and just.... I do. I just do. I just do is. I just do. I just do.

I just do... I... I can't get off. I mean, that's... Oh my God. That aired? That aired? So...

That's how I fall and I can't get up these days. Yes. Terrorist. So we were in a hotel room during the evacuation. And we were watching television and this comes on. And I'm like, oh my God, that's the most horrifying thing I've ever seen. Like the whole cheesy I fall and I can't get up is enough. Now it's horrifying.

Now you're putting an image in children's heads of their older parents who are home alone. It's so dark. Oh my God. That was terrifying. And Linda. Yeah. She's going to die.

She's down there. I mean the... Jesus Christ. Yeah. And you're like... What is this? This is terrifying. Like that's grandma's house.

I didn't know what... You know what? I didn't know what the fuck you guys are about to show me. And this is the legit thing. Yeah, that's real. This is where grandma lives. I know. Look at that nice neighbor.

Grandma's doing all right for herself. Yeah. And she's down there weeping to herself. She might be doing a lot of these slip and falls. We don't know. You know what I'm saying? Grandma's got some scratch. She might be gaming the system.

Look at this. It's a nice two-story house. And then she's down there crying. Face down? Sweet Nana. No, I thought she was face down too. But I see it now. She's face up.

I thought... Yeah, first time I saw it, I was like, man. But see her nose and mouth is open. No, she can breathe and scream. Yeah. She's like, look, if you guys are going to let me lay here for 10 hours, I'm going to be on my back. You know what I mean?

Look at this dumb bitch though. She was carrying her laundry. Oh Jesus Christ. And then her shit fell. Maybe you shouldn't carry that laundry. Help me. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ.

And right off to the side here, somebody's going to be like, and... Cut lunch. That's a cut. We got it, Linda. We got it. Need help? No? You all right?

Okay. You want to... Can I tell you about a gaming assist, a good game in the system that I just learned in Baltimore while I was there? This is... I'm proud and not proud at the same time. Yeah. So the racket that I haven't seen here with these lime scooters and these bird scooters

in Baltimore City is... These intercity kids. You're just out there toward the Harvard shit they've run up to and they push you off of it and then they take it because it's on your dime and however much... Oh my God. And they just ride it until the shit runs out and then you know where they throw them? In the harbor. So they had to start taking them away because they're throwing them in the harbor.

Jesus. Oh my God. So there's a bike share program and Baltimore City is the only city in the world that partakes in this bike share program that doesn't want to share the fucking bikes. They stole every bike. Okay. So they created something again. It's called the Baltimore Lock.

It's the only city in the world doing this and that didn't work. And now the bike share program is gone because the bikes are gone. Oh my God. Baltimore City. Humanity. Humanity. They're hustling down there. Jesus.

Man, I got something. I keep coughing. Oh my God. Pains. I maybe do. I got to get something. Bicycle cell. You're going to be working with us pretty soon, man.

We're going to be, we're working on this project with a new studio and we'll be putting out podcasts and yours going to be one of them. It is. I'm excited. First of all, thank you for having me. I'm stoked to be a part of your, can we talk about it full on your network? Is it am I allowed to say that? I don't know what it's called.

I just know we're going to be producing podcasts and trying to put out content. Glad to be on the umbrella. Yeah. It'd be fun. Oh yeah. I'm stoked for it. The way people know is, is just that like you'll sign on, you know, whatever you subscribe to podcasts, but also on our video channel, you just have like a full new show, you know,

we'll try to get you something five days a week, you know, so it's like, not us five days a week. No, no. It's something that like is, you know, one day is Ryan's show and then we'll have, we have a few other people that we, we think will be a nice fit as a companion to your mom's house. So the whole idea is it's people that we know that this audience responds to. Yeah.

It's not people who, you know, you know, everyone likes, everyone doesn't like everyone, but it's people who the majority of people are always like, yeah, we, we like this person. Well, I'm excited to have video, like I'm excited to have a video, you know, I want to take it. I want to do a lot of stuff. I have some ideas for Patreon. Awesome. Patreon.

Put that shit down. Put that shit down. I'm excited to do some stuff with you guys. It's going to be fun, man. It's going to be fun. And just so everybody knows the mommy's listening and watching, we're not going to change our show. So don't worry.

Nothing. Your mom's house is going to stay exactly the same, except we're going to upgrade the studio a little bit. You, you'll see some cooler shit, some slick stuff, some neat stuff, some real raw stuff too. And we're going to get full throttle. We're going to go full trial. We're going to get physical with, with music.

So that's going to be nice. Yeah. Physical podcast and physical with comedy. You got to do it. Get physical with podcast. Fucking promo. Yeah. You got to do that.

Let's podcast. Let's get physical. Let's get physical. Podcast. I like that. I like that. I've been like that. Oh, shit.

You can't, you're smiling genuinely. You need to do, you do look like them though. You do. Like, well, honest to God, you do people when they photoshop it, I have to look three or four times. Like, is this really? Or like, I'm like, is that just as I was like, you kind of look like, but Tom, do this, bro.

Do the smile, but don't let, don't really smile. Like make your eyes not match your mouth. You know what I mean? Like just do this part, Tom. Go like this. That's how he smiles. But bigger. That's it.

Without it matching. Just like them, man. Yeah. The one that I didn't post, I didn't repost, but this one, I was like, whoo, the photoshop looks like it was too easy. That's what I'm saying, man. Just lay it right in there. Yeah.

Just put a hat on Tom. Yeah. Just go right in and out, man. Because he's got blue eyes in the same coloring as you, I think, right? He does. Yeah. There's really pretty blue eyes. They're probably photoshopped.

Tom's aren't. No. It's already buried. I mean, shit. Oh. It looks so ridiculous. It says let's get physical. Ridiculous.

So real talented photoshoppers on there. You got some, you got some beasts out there. All right. The new album, it's, what's it called? Get ahold of yourself. Get ahold of yourself. Available everywhere. iTunes, Amazon, Google Play, Spotify, Pandora, everywhere you get it.

Sikler's the best. Support the album. Thank you guys. Please get it. Super funny. Number one on iTunes right now. What? Play it.

Sorry for the quick abrupt segue. I forgot to do it live, so I'm doing it now. We're going to jump over to our conversation with Sean Anders, the writer-director of Instant Family. It's a great time. Sorry. Here's that. So excited and thrilled that this worked out.

It is holiday week, obviously. It's Thanksgiving week. And I can actually say that yours truly is in a movie that is playing in theaters right now. You can take your family, take them today, tomorrow, all weekend long to see Instant Family. And we're being joined by the writer, director, producer, Mr. Sean Anders. Thank you, Sean.

I just realized my chair is sinking now. God, why don't you lose some weight? Jesus. We haven't had somebody weigh so much that sits here before. Oh, Bert sat here. Well, Bert probably broke the chair. That's true. Thanks for coming over, first of all.

Thanks for having me here. Thanks for making it. Actually, I know this feels hokey and sincere, but you actually made a dream of mine come true by putting me in a movie. Wow. That's true. It's been waiting a long time. I don't want to get too emotional.

I'm going to remove eye contact. No, but when I moved out here, the honest I got truth is I never had any aspirations whatsoever to do stand up. I didn't come out here with that idea. My whole thing was like, I just want to act and I wanted to act in movies, not television. I love movies and I thought I would be a comedic actor. That's really what I thought I would do. I went to the groundlings.

I did some shows with second city groups like, you know, sketch shows and I was like, you know, I booked a couple of commercials. I was like, oh, this is like a natural progression. I'll be an actor and I, you know, I fell into standup and I started to work as a standup and then that went that way. But man, the last, it sounds crazy, 15, 16 years, I was always like, man, fucking sucks. And then as specials came out, I'd be like, there's not one fucking director that could watch something that I'm in and be like, he could play a part.

Turns out there was. And so thank you so much for, for giving me the opportunity, man. Well, no, man. Thank you. You killed it. And it's funny because my, the way I got started, I was kind of the opposite. I loved movies, but I never thought in a million years that I'd have a shot at doing this kind of stuff.

So me and my friends just made a movie just purely just for fun and just to have a good time and just to see if we could do it. And it turned into this nonsense. You know, so. And you have a fucking crazy career. What did you first make? Tell us that. We made this movie.

It's called NBT, uh, Never Been Thawed. And it was a mockumentary because that's what you do when you don't have any money and you want to make a comedy. And it was about a group of people that collect frozen entrees and they're trying to put on the first frozen entrees enthusiast convention and it was just kind of about subculture and nonsense. And, and we just did it purely for fun and it, and it kind of, oh, geez. Is that it?

I should not have said anything. That's me. That's it, right? Yeah. It's amazing. You know, what's so interesting about people who do incredible things in their lives is that there was a time when you were just, you know, this kid in Wisconsin who was like, I'd love to direct movie someday and we just made this thing and then this happens.

And so dumb, by the way, so incredibly dumb, like just so, just painfully dumb. And I don't know how, that's how you describe yourself. Yeah. Painfully dumb. Well, we were just talking about Isabella right before we started about Isabella Monare who plays Lizzie in the movie and she's just crazy talented. Yes. And it's also, it's funny you say that though, um, we were talking about how talented she

is and what a career she has gone. The other thing is like when you talk to her, a couple of things that come through like in my experience was that like a, um, super intelligent, um, and like doesn't conduct like when I talk to her on the set, I don't feel like I'm talking to like a teenager. Right. You know, you kind of feel like you're talking to an adult. Yeah. And I'm sure that contributes to confidence and success as a 16 year old, right?

You know, because, uh, that's not the way most teenagers conduct themselves. Oh, but that's what I mean is that when I was that age, I don't think I could barely even put a sentence together. Oh God. And actually she inspired me being around her. I started bringing my kids to work more often, bringing them to the edit bay and stuff because I thought I need to just, I need to make sure that my kids are around grown-ups enough to just get that confidence to be able to just, you know, when the grown-ups come up

and say, Hey, what's your name? That's so true. Yeah. Yeah. Because you think of grown-ups. You always have this thing just before we even had kids where you always noted when we, um, walk into like an elevator or something, you're like the, like you'd say hello to like a kid and you're like, the kid should say hello.

Yeah. Yeah. Like hello to somebody. I was always like, Oh, okay. Well, because the assumption is when you're a child that adults, because they're older than you know everything or they know better than you. And then you become an adult and you're like, these dumb motherfuckers, these people are dumber than me.

Yeah. What are you talking about? And also having the audacity to dream big and to do the thing you want to do. It's so important. You know? I could never do that. I could never do that. Like, yeah, of course you can.

Yeah. I talk about that on stage now. Yeah. About, about going. Just doing it. Yeah. I mean, like I make jokes obviously, but I do talk about like how dreaming big is like so important and not letting people, you know, because a lot of the times you say like

something like, I want to make a movie and they're like, yeah, you fucking, you know, people are like, come on, man, like you're not going to make a movie. And people really say that a lot. More people say that than the other way, you know? Right. Well, you were saying that your father was a mailman. Yeah. And your family is pretty, you know, they're working.

My dad was a forklift mechanic. Yeah. I think too, the thought of being in show business was like, I may as well have told him I wanted to go to the moon and live there. It was like, why would you even? Yeah. Were they supportive of you? They were supportive, but kind of like what Tom said, my dad grew up very poor.

So it was all about, you got to punch in, you got to get a steady paycheck, all that kind of stuff. Sure. I was like, I always wanted to do kind of what I wanted to do. But my parents were always really supportive of whatever, because they never had that thought of like, I think they knew from an early age, he's not, this guy's not running for Senate, you know? So whatever makes you happy.

But you know, I have to say though, your attitude about all of that, it's really special being on set and having people around. And we had a lot of them on this movie who, even people like, like Julie Haggerty as an example, who's been in like a thousand movies and has been doing it forever and still has this glee about the process and about being there. And whenever you have people around that are just like excited to be there, it makes it so much more. That set was really something cool.

He talks about it. Tom would come home and be like, I love everybody. I love everybody on this movie. Everybody's nice. Everybody's normal. I was like, I'm turning into an actor. Oh, you've got to meet all the other actors, like, such great people, but it's infectious. But it also wasn't a, you know, for lack of a better word, it wasn't like an actor-y kind

of vibe around there at all. Everybody was just really, really cool. Michael O'Keefe, 100% thought I was a studio executive producer. He came up because I was wearing the leather, rust leather jackets. And your douchebag outfits. Everybody all day would talk about my jacket. Like, is that your jacket? I was like, this is fucking awesome.

Those jackets were inspired by my brother. So, rust is based on your brother. Well, he's got a little, he's got a little Bob mixed in there. Little bit. So, but these people would come up and they're like, Jack, but Mike goes, thanks so much. And I was like, for what? This is like right when I meet him. He's like, it's just excited to be here.

And I turned to John, your writing partner. And I was like, he just thanked me for this job. And I was like, no problem, man. It took like a day from the figure out that I'm in it. You're not the executive. Yeah. Well, I look, I look like a douchey producer on our park dicks. I had my, my leather thing with the stripes and sunglasses.

I love your. This is like a Hollywood dick kind of. Can I tell you the best part about seeing? We saw the screening of instant family. I think we, I just gave birth to Julian like a week before and we went to go see it. And it was so stunning to see my husband on like the big screen and your beard was darker. They took the gray out and your outfits were so funny. I'm like, oh my God, this guy's such a d-bag.

They put you in this douchebag clothe. It was so funny. It was great. It really is fun dressing in things you wouldn't normally dress like that. You know what I mean? And embracing it. That actually is probably one of the most perfect for the character. The fun things about acting though is like, you know, doing things like changing your

hair, changing your clothes and then. Do you remember what we did to you with that double? With that double? Remember there, there was the day that the double showed up because you weren't going to be able to be, there was a, there was a shot. It didn't end up in the movie because honestly the double was too far off. Remember, you don't remember this? So this guy shows up who's going to be the Segura from behind double because we were

just going to get a shot. Oh no. We're going to get a shot of Tom and Alan walking toward the house on a day when Tom wasn't going to be able to be at that set. And the guy came up to just kind of like get his wardrobe approved and you were going like, what? I don't look like that. Dude, I kind of remember when that would have been.

He looked pretty different here and we ended up not using it. Like super hot. Was he really hot? Yeah, he was just ripped. Oh man. So for people, I mean, obviously I've, I talked about, we used to do episodes when I was in Atlanta and between weeks, you know, while we were going back and forth and then I've been talking about it coming up.

Then you and I went on Rogan together last week, but for the people that don't know, instant family that you wrote and directed, I should say co-wrote, right? Yeah. With John North. John also produces and John's there. I'll ever step out of the way. Yeah. John's the best.

I haven't seen him since this whole thing, but I, I mean, I didn't run into him anything, but John is fantastic. But this story is inspired by your life and it's about foster care. And then you and your wife actually fostered, adopted three siblings. Yeah. And this, so like, I think it's, I was always thought it was important to note that, that it's not just a guy going like, we should write a movie about adopting and like try to hook people on that.

It's like, it's influenced by something you really did. Yeah. It was amazing. Yeah. No, it was, you know, after going through that process and being about three years into it, it was actually John who said, you know, we should do a movie about this because, you know, none of us knew and I didn't know anything about it when I got involved in it. And I was surprised.

There's not that many things nowadays, you know, where you get into, into a process and you're like, oh, I didn't realize that you have to take these classes and I didn't realize that you, you know, there's so many things about it that I didn't know. And John didn't know. So we thought, well, you know, it would be good to shed some light on that stuff. And also we thought we had sort of a unique perspective on it, given that it is happening in my life and that so many movies that are made on the topic really just focus on the sort of tragic elements of it.

And there's all these other elements of it too that are really wonderful and, you know, full of love and laughter and all of that. So we wanted to be able to kind of cover all of it. Oh my God. It's awesome. I, and I tell you, I'm pretty much, I'm a comic, I'm cynical, I'm made of Teflon for the most part. I've cried on the show once last, last week when we were, we were talking about the fires

and I was crying. But I'm telling you, I haven't cried in a movie theater like that in so long. And then the laughs and the tears, it's really so unique in a movie. You never, you don't get to go on that much of a ride and it's such a well done film. And everyone go see it for Thanksgiving. This is a perfect week to take a family and go see it. And so, how old are the kids now? Well, my kids are different ages than the kids in the movie.

So my kids are now 13, I hate it when there's that little pause and you're like, oh, I look like the worst parent in the world. Cause I pause on my kids at, no, 13, nine and eight. I know my kids age. All right. Um, but no way, and it's one of the stories I like to tell about the movie that, um, when my wife and I got into it, when you go see the movie, you'll see that the, the characters go to this bizarre thing called an adoption fair, which is a really controversial strange

thing. And we went to one because, you know, they, the social workers invited us and we went there and it was one of the weirdest things we've ever been to. And we did meet a teenage girl there and her younger siblings, uh, like the characters in the movie. And we did not, we did not feel ready to sign up to have a teenager in our house, but of course, this girl seemed great.

She seemed really cool. And we just thought, all right, so we wrote, we wrote them down on our sheet with just a lot of trepidation. And then, uh, and then before anything happened, uh, they, the social worker called and said, these kids have been in care for four years and this, the teenage girl is really holding out hope that her mom's coming back. So she's refusing the placement. So anyway, that's why we have a teenager in the movie cause I never forgot that girl.

And then when it, the time came to make the movie, I really wanted to put a teenager in because those are the kids that really, you know, are misunderstood and yeah. And, uh, but yeah, my kids. So what happened in my case was shortly after that, our social worker called and said, Oh, but there's these other three kids. And that's how random it was. It was just like, okay, there's these other three kids and they were six, three and 18 months at the time.

Oh my God. Oh my God. How did you do it? I don't know. It was, it was horrible. Well, and especially going at first, at first it was horrible because the normal, I mean, normal, whatever traditional route is you have a newborn and that you're thrown into that chaos and that's like your bootcamp for being a parent, but you got like all three

children at once and we were so cocky. Like we really thought like we thought, no, no, no, we can, we can, you know, I mean, we knew you kind of know intellectually there's a storm coming, but like you don't, you just don't realize. Did you, at the time that you, when you first got your children, was it schools time? Were you like able to have at least your own? No, and that's a great question. Nobody ever asked that question.

And that's the thing is that, and they're strict about that stuff. So it's like, welcome to our home day one. Okay. And then our two younger were, you know, they didn't have to go to school, but our oldest, our son had to be like right into a new school like that day. Oh wow. So you don't even get a minute, you know, it was like, we had to go and sign him up and then it turned out the school that was closest to our house didn't was over full.

So, but it would, the other one was like, you know, 0.2 of a mile further away or whatever. And but no, it's, it was, so it was just everything immediately. It was just school and teachers and kids and it was intense. Yeah. It was intense. Do you have the kids or the oldest or all of them seen the film? Oh yeah. Oh, they love it.

They love it. I mean, they, they don't see it because it's not, it's not a biopic about our family. They recognize specific moments that they remember, but they've been around for the whole thing, including when I was talking about it, when it was a script, because we'd be having dinner and I'd be, my wife and I and my kids would be trying to remember certain things. And, and then they would come to set and they were in the edit bay and they've been around. It's been a cool experience for them. Yeah.

It's been a really cool experience. And for your wife? Yeah. I mean, my wife, one of the things I love about my wife is that she has absolutely zero craving for the spotlight at all or anything like, you know. Okay. Yeah. Like if I did a podcast, my wife would never be a part of it.

She would not. No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. How dare you? And if I did a podcast, my husband, sorry. I mean, I don't know. It's your podcast. So anyway, uh, no, she just, so this has been interesting because she has been, you know,

in these interviews and in certain things and she's been great about it, but she's kind of like ready. Ready to be done. You guys, you must have some fun, because the one thing I was thinking about earlier today when you're on your way over here is like your children are Latin. My mother is. Yeah. And my mother looks distinctly Latin, right?

Like you. Yeah. Like me. Like my younger, my younger sister, it's weird the way genetics work because my younger sister looks like a carbon copy of my mom. Right. And then I definitely, my dad, who's like a white boy, white boy. Uh, I just inherited, you know, the fair skin and everything.

And throughout my life, I can tell you countless times where I do with my mom and talking to someone and then they'd be like, who's that lady? I'd be like, that's my mom. Yeah. And they're like, you're, did she adopt you? And I'd be like, no, that's actually my mother. Uh, do you run into, um, you know, I guess you'll probably, at some point it gets like countless looks or whatever, but do people go like, are those, no, I mean, I mean, so

often, you know, either I'm just with the kids and I think people just assume that my wife is, is Latin or whatever, you know, um, and you know, it's funny when we were going through the classes, the, the foster classes, cause you have to take these like eight weeks of classes before you, before you're certified. And they talked about that a lot and people get really jumpy about that about like, well, what are, what are people going to say and how are people, you know, and we, we had that moment of, well, how are people going to perceive this as far as us being the white family and all of that kind of stuff.

But we didn't have any worry at all about like, oh no, people are going to know our kids are adopted. I don't care if they know our kids are adopted. I mean, and that, that's, I think part of it is that people are, I think nowadays people have a much better understanding that you're, you love your kids just as much. That's true. This is a different era. But there was a time, I think for a long time that people would almost approach it with

pity, like, oh, couldn't you have your own kids or whatever, whatever crazy things people would come up with. But we don't, no, I don't, I don't really, my older sister has black hair and dark eyes and she married like basically a Nordic guy. And so both of her children are blonde, blonde, blonde with blue eyes and everywhere she's like everywhere I go, they ask me like if the mother knows this because they all assume she's the nanny and it makes me so happy because they're like, where does she live? She lives in Florida.

Okay. And she's just like, she's like, she'll bring them in and they're like, and then as, as their mother aware, then she's like, I am their mother and they're like, okay, that's true. Oh man. She deserves it. Now, so this is the one I, okay, are you ready for this? Before we do that, the other thing that I just wanted to give you credit for because

you're the only person that said this. When you guys came to see the movie afterwards, when we were talking afterwards, you said that you loved that Pete Nellie, who are played by Mark Wahlberg and Rose Byrne, seemed like a couple that actually loves each other. And I was so happy that you said that because, because as we were making the movie, there were, there were different people along the route that were like, they should be fighting more, they should be attacking each other more. And I was like, you know, that's not really how it was for us.

For my wife and I, we, you kind of, you have to kind of stick together a little bit in that situation. Well, it's you against the kids. Yeah. Exactly. But you were the only person who actually said that. Very smart. And I was, I was, I made me so happy.

I called Beth and I was like, you know what she said? That's sweet. I'll, I'll say this too. I mean, like we, we watch a lot of shows together. One of the thing that just over time that we've realized is that totally removed from this film or story. It's such a bummer to watch couples that don't like each other, you know, like in movies and entertainment.

Like you see all these shows or like the show will be like, here's the reality of marriage. Yeah. And then it's like, you know, just bickering or the resentment and you're like, okay, I mean, maybe that's some, some, what a reality, but like, I don't want to watch this. I don't want to watch, I got a piece of advice from a really good friend a long time ago. She said that her mom gave her this advice, that her mom told her, you, people are going to tell you your whole life that relationships are hard. Yeah.

And she said, it's not true. Yeah. Bad relationships are hard. Yes. Good relationships are relatively easy. Thank you. And I think, I mean, as, as, as dark and just crazy, funny and bizarre of places that you guys go into on this podcast, as much as you guys might not want to admit it, a huge secret

to the charm of your podcast is how much you guys obviously enjoy. Of course. And ironically, it's kind of a family show. And it's our family. But yeah, I liked watching the couple in your movie because they also had normal reactions to extraordinary circumstances. I don't know if you guys kept it in the movie, the final cut, but where's that one? Where Mark Wahlberg is kind of to the wife being like, should we give them back?

Should we give them back? And I liked it. I liked it because I'm like, I can, I say that about our kids all the time. Like, do we make a big mistake? Well, it's really funny because yeah, the scene that you're referring to, they're, they're just sort of at their wits and they're at a very low point. They're lost. They're scared.

Right. And they're talking about there's got to be some way back to the easy, quiet life we had before. And my wife and I very much had that conversation. I'm not proud of it, but what I've found in, I've been screening the movie for groups all across the country. It's really funny when you show it to regular general audiences, they sort of gasp at that scene and then, but then when you show it to adoptive families, they roar at that scene because they're all like, oh yeah, we totally had that conversation like seven

times because it's just, it's a hard adjustment to make. And then once you do make the adjustment, it's the best thing that ever happened to you, but you still have to get through that hard time first. Of course. I think even, yeah, I think that because we just had our second baby. So you then you start to go like, oh my God, what did we do? Like one was manageable. One, we could still leave the country.

Two is like fucking chaos, man. Well, I'm going to crush you right now. Three is a great, it's a great number. I'm shut out. No, it's shut down. I have shut it down. I've said it to her a bunch and she's nagging at me. I was like, come on.

I don't have any. Because when they get a little bigger, three, well, that's fine. When they get a little bigger, three is such a great number because they can kind of pair up. If one of them wants to be alone, the other one still has somebody to play with and they kind of like, it really is a, it's a, it's a more manageable number than you think. I don't know. I think about four.

No, no, I did tell you this. I mentioned this, I think last week when we did that podcast, but the funny thing is that ever since being in this movie and talking about it, men, emails left and right, messages left and right about people who either have adopted or going to adopt or know someone that is adopting. Yeah. So you end up learning, I mean, and even one of my friends, Greg told me that his sister and her husband are adopting four siblings this week.

Oh, wow. What? Yeah. Yeah. What are their names? I don't know. Oh, who is it? No, he's a comic in Minnesota.

And he was, you see, when you hear that, what's, here's what's so incredibly cool about that. Four siblings run such a high risk of being split up. Here we go. Greg Coleman, my sister and husband are adopting four kids next week. Wow. The entire fam is going to see instant family next week as a warmup. Good for them.

That's, that's really cool. Yeah. Now I want to adopt a third. Just add four. Oh my gosh. Well, no, you know that when my wife and I, when we went to that adoption fair, we also met five girls that were between two and like 12. And I just, I just was watching these kids go and like, oh my God, nobody, five

kids and my wife was like, there's no way. Five? Yeah. And, but we ended up, this is how crazy we are that, that when the thing with the teenager didn't work out, we did sort of, because we just kept thinking about these girls where like, they're definitely going to get split up. They're going to get split up. So we called the social worker and we were like, what about these?

And she was like, oh no, they placed them all together. And we were like, thank God. Oh good. They got, yeah. So, um, so, but it made it, it was like swinging five bats on the undead circle, you know, in the end, cause it was like, you know, then after talking about five or talking about a teenager, all of a sudden three younger kids seemed a little more manageable.

All right. It wasn't, but it seemed it wasn't though. But it's so interesting. And I like about your film too. I think cause I had just had our second child is like, you, you don't realize how complicating parenting, how complicated parenting is until you really do it. And you're like, oh man, there's so many emotions.

Like I go from like joy to anger, to exhilaration, to exhaustion, of all day. Well, you don't realize how crazy you are until the kids come in and sort of draw that out of you and then you're like, Oh, I'm a psychopath. I had no idea that I was just insane. Yeah. I had this full, the two hours while you were gone with our big boy was, I was like, I'll walk with him, then I'm on a notes call. Yeah.

Doing a note on a walk with him. He's like, trash cans. And I'm like, I go, yeah, the other scene we could probably just like, it just reminds me of bikes. Like, I gotta tell you, you just have to surrender, you know, right? Like, isn't there a point where you're just like, fuck it. It's just chaos. And then he wrote on there, on the couch.

Oh, right, right. We got back and I was telling Sean, I started to talk to him, like he was going to give me an explanation. I go, why would you do that? I told you not to do that. And he goes, five minutes. Yeah. Yeah, you're never gonna get it.

I know. Anyways. Well, we had this thing where we always have these meetings, like we'll have dinner and we'll be like, okay, it's going to be like family meeting night. We're going to, you know, talk about whatever we need to talk about. And my kid said to me at one point, you shout too much. And I was like, I know I shout. I hate shouting, but you guys won't listen to any, to one syllable that I say

until I start shouting at you. And then all of a sudden you're like all ears, but up until then. So then I said, how about this? How about I say, I'm about to shout. And when you hear I'm about to shout, just take that as I'm already shouting. And then, and then listen to me and look at me. And they were like, okay, all right, we can do that. And then it'd be like, okay, you guys, you guys, I'm about to shout.

I'm about to shout. And they'd be like, whatever. Keep shouting. Damn it. I'm gonna, I'm going to shout. Oh, you're going to shout a lot. Two boys. Yeah.

God damn it. Shit. You know who I wonder shouts? Okay, here we go. Inside Studio G, where music is first here. And I like it that way. Really cool. I got it.

Is it supposed to happen? Right there. Right there. Rage. You're a director. The rage. Look at that look. That's a great emotional turn.

There's a knock. Let's see it right there. Yep, right. There's nothing. I got it. Because this is like, I'm thinking about. Is this supposed to happen? I am thinking about reaching under someone's chest plate and removing their heart

with my bare fucking hand. Seething, seething. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to G. Oh, happy birthday to G. Okay, buddy. Sure, pal. I don't fucking.

Did you ever get, you know about, you know about Chris Gaines, right? Yeah. And he, he's a, that was his character. It's alter ego, right? Oddly, there is a song in Instant Family that was written, I believe, for Chris Gaines, really not performed by Chris Gaines, but there's for him. There's this beautiful song that we, we use near the end of the movie called It Don't Matter to the Sun.

And I think the first appearance of that song was on the Chris Gaines record. And then it was later. And it was later covered by Don Henley and I think Stevie Nicks or I can't remember exactly who cut, maybe it was just Don Henley. Well, we definitely played some Chris Gaines stuff, hundreds of episodes before, but we've been talking about Garth so much that people have asked, uh, you know, more about him. Can I tell you, I love this so much, this era that we're going into.

I just, I don't, I'm so, I'm enthralled with him. I'm fascinated by the psychology of this. He's a fascinating person. I love people, social media. So people don't know Garth years ago got sick of his successful career as Garth Brooks, yes, decided he was going to play an alter ego, Chris Gaines, whose parents had died and he was doing different type of music. And I didn't know there was a backstory question that I get about Chris Gaines is

what's it like to play two different people? And the answer is first, let's get one thing straight. I'm not playing two different people. I'm playing one, the Garth Brooks thing is just who I am. What? Oh, the Chris Gaines thing, though, the closer you look and the more you find out, you realize Chris Gaines is Garth Brooks. So all it is is a stretching of the arms and all it is is taking Garth Brooks and Chris Gaines and putting them together the same way we took a song

from the 60s and the 90s and put them together to create a new song for the millennium. It's probably the crossroads where Garth and Chris meet dead on and probably the most they're alike. Do you know something? I don't know. This is the most sincere I've ever seen him. Yeah, yeah. When he's talking, do you know why?

Do you know why? Because Chris Gaines is his shadow self. It's the darkness inside of him that he's finally addressing. So when he's talking about the darkness, he's alive. One of my favorite things. That's actually a really good analysis. Ten years in psychotherapy. Also, the Garth Brooks character, even though he says that's just him,

my assumption is that it's him, but it's also any time you have a public persona like that, that's a lot of work to kind of keep, to keep that up and to be the. Well, that's why it looks, it seems, I was telling you, it feels contrived and more than anything, it feels exhausting because there's nothing natural about it. Like he doesn't go like, hey, I'm coming to your city. He's like, hi, I'm coming to your city, I'm from Rio. I love you all so much. I just want world peace.

And you're like, all right, man, like no one talks like that. Sounds like you're in a beauty pageant contest. You know, it does, it feels forced. And I'm not saying he's not a nice guy. I'm sure he is about him. But, but I just know that, well, especially, I mean, the guy was like the Michael Jordan of country music for like 10 years. Yeah.

And so, you know, to just keep that up is got to be exhausting. So to, to just pretend like you're somebody else for a while, had to be like the most funny ever ad, you know, well, he took so much time off. He took all he saw famous. He took a lot of time off to, I think it was to raise the kids. It was Trisha. I'm sure it was just to bury bodies, but it was he was taking raising kids and then now he's back on tour.

He's doing state football stadiums. And they're selling out like in an hour, like stadiums. But this was him also explaining how he photographs differently for Chris Gaines. The hard thing about playing Chris Gaines as an actual person that you're filming is for a guy that's two hundred and twenty pounds to try and look small. And Chris is this supposedly kind of a smaller built artist. So in all the pictures, it's easy. It's God, I love it.

You suck your cheeks in and your face becomes real thin and you can do that. There's the problem is that he starts singing these big old cheeks come out again. We know Chris will be the first one to tell you in his biography that he's had a lot of great relationships that he has personally thrown away himself. So when it comes to women and when it comes to commitment, he's not really the first guy in the shadow. The shadow self. There it is. The darkness.

You should do this. You should do like a Vegas, like not a, you know, not an Andy Kaufman thing, but like, you know, you should do a skinny guy, cool guy, like not that you're not skinny and cool, but you should do like a, you know, you should do an alter ego comic with long hair. It's a great idea. Yeah, it just does like really, you know, stuff that only 15 year olds get right. You know, yeah.

Did you have rodeo? Yeah, I did do rodeo for a while. I don't know this one. Rodeo would do urban rooms and he would wear oversized white t-shirts. He had like a pencil thin beer and then he had a call who go, hey, oh, rodeo. So like for the punch lines, but I would do only like hack premises. Like you got to hit your kids, man. Yeah, you probably make a fortune though.

Right now. Yes. Just blow blow myself out of the water. Forget it. Yeah. Like my age is like, you got to stop touring as yourself. Yeah, they don't want that anymore. You stuck with her. Yeah. Oh, can I say before I forget, I was so excited. And this is so corny, but so excited to hear Bauhaus in your movie.

Oh, third uncle, dude. She's the greatest ever. Again, only other person, only person to ever mention that. Thank you. What a great song. Very observant. Now, are you, do you like goth music? Is that where you got that from? I don't know.

Not goth music, you know, like I'm not like, you know, an aging goth or anything. But I did. I always really loved Bauhaus. And Peter Murphy and Lovin' Rockets. And yeah, what the fuck? Now, how did you that's I didn't know. Oh, good. I love that stuff too. Both used to go to lesbian clubs a lot. Let's be in clubs.

Yeah, that's what it's got clubs. Well, I was so impressed because I never hear. I've never heard that song in a movie. And I was like, Tommy, it's Bauhaus. That's so excited. Yeah. No, I didn't say that. Chris said that.

Oh, well, it's better. So anyway, this guy comes out with this long hair and he hides out for three or four years because he's really not happy with his face, which upset me. But, you know, and he kind of looked like Prince, you know, except this guy gained a lot of weight after the correct. Oh, so this is explaining the first look is what he looks like. Oh, he's showing them.

The chicks love it. Yeah, of course. There's. Okay. Is that the unveiling? Oh, yeah. That was unveiling Chris Gaines to an audience. Yeah. What a bizarre thing. It's just.

No, Sean was saying he hasn't yet. He can't put any faces to people we've, he's heard on our show. Like, oh, see, I don't, I don't want this. I don't want this. That's the first time anyone's ever said that on our show. I listened. See, I was saying to Tom that I only hear your show because I'm always driving when I'm listening to it.

So I haven't seen any of these lunatics. Yeah. But the pictures in my mind are, are frankly worse than that. So. Okay. Okay. All right. I got you.

I have an asphalt belt and this is the buckle. I want to see if I can't. I got to be careful here. Sorry. Jesus. I'm sorry. I can't believe how big he's taken. You don't want to see that guy.

You don't want to see the four stroke guy. Do you have a research person that digs for this stuff? Or is it all you? No, no, no. We have, we would now have two staff. So people send in emails, your mom's podcast at gmail.com. It sometimes gets like 5,000 plus emails a week. I know.

And they have to, we have to work in tandem to just dig through. Have you told the story on your show about when the video, when the trailer for the movie first hit? Well, there's a couple of things that are pretty fun. That happened recently. There's the trailer, which is now, by the way, that trailer. If we do a YouTube, let's see, instant family, it is 100%. It has 10 million views.

The trailer. Jesus. I mean for a trailer, right? It's pretty nutty. Oh, she's so pretty. People who take the foster kids are really special. They're the kind of people who volunteer when it's not even a holiday. We don't even volunteer on a holiday.

Over a half million children are currently in foster care. The county puts these on because they can match a lot of kids and parents quickly. Look at the big kids. Everybody's avoiding them. I'm going to go inside. But they're teenagers, okay? They use drugs and they watch people playing video games on YouTube. They're not equipped for any of that.

Hi, this is FYI. We can all hear you. It's okay. I'll mingle with the kiddies and don't give it another thought. Bye-bye. She was cool. Lizzie comes with two younger siblings. Three kids?

Too much. Oh, my God. They're adorable. Why would you show us that? That's wrong. Here we are. Make yourself at home because you're at home. Do you like the clippers?

Oh, I'm more of a Lakers fan. Oh, no. You hit me because I like the clippers. I think the clippers are awesome. They were smart for trading glee griffin. The best player. Just stay there till the fire department comes, okay? All right.

This trailer has almost 11 million views now. If you go in here, look, the third comment, Tommy Bonds. I want this out right now. Right now, this is from our show. I know. Adopt me, feed me, try it out. Highest and tightest trailer I've ever seen. So here's what happened.

The marketing people at Paramount, wonderful people, good people. They're very nice people. They put up the trailer and you know, it's always kind of like, okay, they worked really hard on this thing to try to, you know, get the message across of what the movie is. And then they want to see how people react to it. And the reactions were really, really positive, but mixed in were all of these cryptic, bizarre things from your fans. And they were like, and it took everybody like a few beats to be like, what's going on with

this trailer? Oh, yes. What the hell is high and tight? And then they called me to tell me that I knew at that point, but they called me to tell me, those are just Tom Sigoura's fans. They love him. And it's been really fun. Oh yeah.

And now with people, what I love is that there are these great people have been posting these great, you know, your fans have been posting these great, you know, things on Instagram or whatever that are sort of admitting that as cynical as a kind of humor that they like. Yes. But there are so many of them are really digging the movie and obviously loving Tommy. Well, and I think because there's real, like I, that moment I was discussing earlier with a, they're like, oh my God, what have we done? There's real moments of, it's funny, but it's also real play.

There's nothing corny about this movie. Do you know what I'm saying? It's not like, oh God, it's really a good genuine. It had to, they finally got to editing some of the IMDb trivia, which for a month was just made. Your mom's house. Yeah. It was, yeah.

It was just made. I'm on there. Yeah. Right now they're the, the top piece of trivia still says Tom, who stars as Russ was famously known as the water champion as well as beating the world's fattest man, Bart Grisler and weight loss competition. That's obviously not true. That's not, or that's not trivia for movie fans.

Kind of is this right here. Oh my God. This is just an actual review of the film based on true story by a director, Sean Andrews at home family life. It's a full review of it. The film is bolstered by strong supporting cast. Tom Segura keeps things high and tight as the impishly maniacal husband of Ellie's baby, crazy sister.

Small role, but a notable one as Segura effortlessly, effortlessly adapts his warmly sociopathic comedic stylings. Unbelievable. That's crazy. And then they call, go on to like write a really great review, but unbelievable how you guys, I love warmly sociopathic. Oh, warmly.

Everyone's hitting me up with that right now. So yeah. I don't know that anybody's ever been described that way. Yeah. I don't know if it ever will be. Not an easy thing to be. No. Warmly sociopathic.

This show started kind of uniquely like that. Didn't she say Tommy? This show was started as like a dance between it. Originally it was Tommy and I playing Gigi Allen. Do you know Gigi Allen? Yeah. All right. Yeah.

We love that documentary. Hated. So good. And then we played another documentary. Stevie. We're in all weird. It started the dark weird shit that we liked. Stevie.

And then what happened is there is people that were like, yes, we like weird too. And then they kept emailing it and then we kept playing it and now it's, it's listener generated. Yeah. He does. Yeah. Oh yeah. He just got so sad.

I know that documentary will take a lot out of you. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't watch that at the beginning of your weekend. Yeah.

No. When you woke up to a rattlesnake. Crazy. Yeah. Okay. So here's. By the way, have you guys ever seen My Brother's Keeper? Wait.

Is that about a slow adult? Well, it's about these three old men in upstate New York who lived on a farm and one of them murdered the other one. Put it on your list. There you go, Tom. It's very darkly disturbing. Interesting. Oh.

Just weird. I guarantee a lot of your listeners will know what I'm talking about. By the way, Ted, have you seen Tiptoe's? I know. You know, it's funny. I was just, as I was driving over here, I hadn't caught the last episode yet. So I was just catching up on the last episode. Tiptoe's.

That is, are you making that up? Yeah, that's real. No. That sounded like, as I thought, they must have just cut something together. It seemed like, now I will say this. How does that happen? How does that movie get made? Well, and the funny thing is when you said the date, you said like 03 or something, which

doesn't seem long ago enough for that to have happened. No. Because if you had told me that, oh yeah, in 1983, they did this. It'd be like, all right. Right. But really? Permissible in 83. I mean, at least this was later, when somebody said that there was a cut of the movie that

was actually great. And, you know, that happens when someone gets fired and then the studio is like, edit it like this. And I mean, not to... Tiptoes. But like, I mean, no, this is really... See, I only heard it. I didn't see it.

It was perfect. This is weird to me. The blow job. I've got to get going. Like this. Right in the trailer? Yeah. It's a bit forward, no?

Hey, sweetie. I love you. There's one small problem. And the voiceover ceremony. I'm Ron. I'm his brother. We're twins. And it's Gary Oldman, too.

It's Gary Oldman. Are you parents? Wait, that's Gary Oldman? Yes. Yeah. It can tear them apart. I think you're going to let me know that everyone in your family is a midget. They're not midgets, Carol.

They're dwarfs. Whatever. Or bring them together. And the voiceover. I was so obsessed with, like, the... It's... It's like the comedy sounding. Yeah.

It's like if you were making a parody, you'd have this guy do the voiceover. Yeah. Hey. Welcome. I'm Steven. Aw, there you are. This is Steven's father. Oh.

His mom, Kathleen. And over behind the bar is Steven's brother, Ron. All right. You could have prepared this for this, don't you think? If you embarrass me, I'll never speak to you again, so just get it together. And they're buying drinks. And they treat them like... They're like, you have aliens?

I know. Yeah. It's not just people. Yeah. It's like... You mean these people with disabilities? The fuck? No heads up on that?

You could have told me he's in a wheelchair. That's the weird... It's only the size of your heart that counts. Don't really mean that big of a deal if our kid was a dwarf? You knocked up this great girl and you didn't tell her that her baby's probably going to be little. I'm not like you. We are so cute and cuddly. Don't discriminate against us.

Well, they're also southern and little, which is interesting. Gary Oman is English, right? Yes. Wow. Peter Dinklage right there had like a French accent. Where he was a French? Well, you know, choices. They let them make choices.

Was he Cajun or something? I don't know. I guess he discussed this. So weird. I'll talk about Matthew McConaughey. Who I believe he played twin brothers with. We... Yes, I was his smaller twin.

This is Tiptoe's. Tiptoe's. In which he played a dwarf. I did play a dwarf. How was that experience? It was... You know what? It was...

I must say, it was a little strange. It didn't turn out as well as we thought it might. It's one of those where you... I mean, it's all the role of the dice, I guess. But, you know, it's not my finest hour on celluloid. I really wonder because it is an incredible shame if... Because, you know, you've seen where they take the shining and they recut the trailer and make it look like a romantic comedy.

Yeah. It is amazing what can be done with music and cuts and whatever. Sure. And it would be really heartbreaking to find out that this was some beautiful movie. Peter Dinklage said that it was. Yeah, he said that. He said that it was a beautiful... And this, the trailer was cut improperly.

Well, he said the film ended up getting like the studio changed the entire film. But there was a cut that was... He said it was great and that it just completely... We got to get ahold of this, though. Yeah. But the title, though, too. Strange because I spent all the shooting time on my knees with... And I worked with real little people, you know.

So they would say, okay, that's, you know, one hour lunch. And I would stand up. It's odd. The thing that made me think it was a parody when I was just listening to it was the title. Yeah. And the way the guy said the title, tiptoes. Yeah. Yeah, it's like an SNL.

Yeah. It doesn't seem real. Oh, man. Tiptoes. Tiptoes. Tiptoes. Tiptoes. Okay.

Are you ready to do it? What would I ask you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. This is what I was telling you. I don't know why I agreed to do this. This was my idea. Oh, shit.

You agreed with yourself. I agreed with myself to do this. But the reason I think, I think I did it because I actually, when you like someone, you don't mind feeling vulnerable around them. Christ. And all I do is make fun of people, you know. We make fun of people. So I feel like this could be so embarrassing, but you know, I'm just going to go for it.

Oh Christ. I asked Sean to pull my audition. Oh no. Oh my God. I'm embarrassed already. I'm so embarrassed right now. I'm shaking. Oh, shit.

You're actually blushing. I am. It's mortifying. Oh, I can't watch. See? No, it's so painful to watch these things. I know. But not that you probably, you probably did great.

I think, I don't know. I did actually. Auditions are so hard. I wish we had a illustrator for this. Oh my God. Okay. Hold on. Hold on.

That's so embarrassing. Do you do a lot of auditions? Not a lot, but sometimes if I like it, yeah. Do you know what we do? My sister's an actor. And so what we do when we run auditions is we always have a note out in the lobby that just lets people know you're coming into a friendly room. That's nice.

We're like, we just let them know that, hey, if you want to try some things, like whatever you want to do is cool with us because I just, when I have to audition people, I feel like the biggest jerk in the world because it's just one person after another coming in and we just destroy their dreams. It's brutal. It can be. I mean, I've prepared auditions where I've had to prepare characters and sketches and things.

And the casting person will be typing the entire time. And I'm like, I spent like a week preparing these, you know. I've had somebody, I've had somebody read emails as I was auditioning for them. Yeah. That's the worst. Yeah. This is my version. Julia.

Oh, I thought that was you. It was your audition. This is my version though. Good morning, Julia. This is my good morning, Julia. Oh God, I'm so embarrassed. Okay. So the reason I asked him to do this is because Sean actually, one thing that never happens

when you audition for anything is that you talk to the director afterwards and he tells you about the audition. You know how it went? Right. And you don't get to hear any feedback formally, just silent, radio silent. And by the way, to be clear, that's what's so brutal about auditioning is that you have to go in for, and you can't blow it off. You have to go in and prepared if you, if you want to have a shot at it.

And so often on our side of it, we're looking for something really specific. So more often than not, as soon as somebody walks in the door, you're like, not right. You just know they're not quite right. And every now and then somebody will surprise you and you'll go, oh, okay. This isn't what we've had in mind, but this is different and this is cool. It really is, I told my sister, I said, you need to be a reader at auditions. It'll take the pressure off because you'll just see one person after another coming in. And the best thing you can know going in, especially for the colder the audition is,

is just know you're not getting it. Just go in, just knowing this, I'm not getting this, just don't be nervous, just have a good time with it. And because if you do, you do, and you know, but it's, it's rough. It is. It's terrible. Joe Rogan, I, when I just did his podcast a couple weeks back was saying, uh, you just can't really give a shit when you go in for auditionings, auditionings, auditions, like

for fear factor, he kind of went in and he was saying, as a joke, he's like, is this real? Yeah. And he was kind of shitting on it. And they're like, you're the guy. Yeah. Yeah. I think the thing is too, it's like you, um, the, like even talking to Sean about this

move, but I grabbed before I would, you know, read the script and he would give me some insight about like another character, like, oh yeah, but the person who plays that should be like this. And I was like, oh, I see, I didn't pick up on that re reading this, reading, I read your script and I, and I thought that this part should be played by this type of actor. And he was like, well, no, because blah, blah, blah, but hearing that insight about that totally made me go like, oh, see, like I, I didn't even know how that part should be played.

I was very, I was very, people couldn't even talk to me or that Jack at the whole time. This is, uh, this is, so I think this was my original. Oh my God, I can't. Can I leave and come back? I'm so embarrassed. Because I feel your, my more, I'm like, yeah, like I get it. Oh, fuck. You dragged us halfway across town to see this shingle.

Wait, just have a little vision. I can't. I can't. You guys have rollers. They don't keep the sun off you. It's like a bunch of striking shadows. Everybody's still hot. Good.

Look at that play structure our back in the schools here. Fantastic. And if you have a ba- I mean, when you have a baby, we are having a baby. We are having a baby. She's manifesting the universe, something she does now. I say the universe, he goes, Oh, well, we want it, and wouldn't have any pain on the ass for a feature.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You know, I'm just playing. It's going to happen. It's going to happen. Okay. I know. If this place is so great, why don't you guys move in there?

It's not bad, Tom. No. I'm not mortified. But this was what was wrong though, right? No. Well. No, we talked about this. No, we talked about this.

Yeah. So here's the. I'm so uncomfortable. Here's the other thing that's funny about that a lot of people don't realize about auditions too is that as the writers, you're hearing people do the dialogue and they're always doing sort of like the longest version of the scene. And when you read a lot of people, it really helps you to cut down the scenes and figure out what to keep and what to let go of.

But the poor actors, they've had to go and do like the longest, most tedious version of the scene possible. So that's part of what we're seeing here too. But no. So to give you some, some insight on this, I was on Skype while he was doing this and it wasn't bad. There was nothing bad about it, but, but there was a problem with it. And the problem was he wasn't warmly sociopathic.

No, you know, you know what it was? It was missing. Right. His jeans were. It was missing. It was missing his low resting heart rate. That is what it was missing because he had, but if you watch what he's doing, he's, he's good.

He's, he's funny, but he's just like, he's trying harder than he tries when we see, because, what I really responded to when I saw his stand up was I liked this kind of leaned back that he would say kind of sometimes outrageous things, but just say I'm like, all right. You know, I just said that. So what? You know, right? And then when he came in for the audition, he was more like here, like just sort of laying into it.

And I was like, oh shoot, but I didn't know because you've been in anything else. I didn't really have any frame of reference as this. Oh, is this just a choice or can he not do that resting heart rate thing? And plus, I mean, I've never been in a movie. I don't know, but I guess film acting too. I mean, your head is huge. So minimal acting, right? Like you have to kind of play it smaller than you would if you were on stage.

Yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, yes and no, depending on what you're doing, sometimes you got to go the other way because sometimes, you know, I think with this guy, yeah, he had to be bold without seeming like he was making an effort to people, right? Because also his character is a little bit dominated by his wife and in places. So he had to be, you know, that guy who is just kind of that sort of devil may care guy, but he when he does care is when he just doesn't want to piss off his wife, you know, for my

girls. Please. Okay. It's hard to watch. I can't do it anymore. Please. She's asking me to stop. Well, because I know what that is.

I've done these. It's fucking mortified. I know. The thing is, you know, like even asking you to send these, which I'm so happy you did, I started to get that thing of like, what if every audition I've ever done could be accessed? No. How embarrassing would it be to showcase all your auditions?

Like, because this is one where ultimately it worked out, right? Cause like I booked a job, but I think about all the ones I went on where you walk out and you're like, oh my God, that was so bad. Like when you know it's bad. And what is that? What is that in our brains anyway that does that to ourselves where it's like you're doing this thing, you're putting yourself out there, you're, you're being bold, you're taking chances. That's the only way you're getting anywhere near anything that, that, you know, big in

this world, but we're so mortified by all of that. I think, you know what it is, it's like, I mean, for, I get, I say it for this, it's like you're, you feel like you're, when I'm showing this, that I'm showing something where I was trying. Yeah. And sometimes the truth is we all have these standards where you want to be seen as great. Without effortlessly great. So you want to be like, oh, you want to see my audition and someone sees it.

You want to feel like everyone's like, that's amazing. And anytime it's not that you kind of are a little bit, depending on how far from that it is embarrassed by it, you know, you want it to be good. I mean, for stand up, you know, we at least get to showcase that one time where we prepare, prepare and prepare. And it's, you know, it's months of like preparing and you show that and you go like, okay. Cause it's perfect. It's near, it's near.

It's like as good as it can be. And even then sometimes, I mean, if my standup came on right now, I'd be like, okay, we can turn that off. Like I don't want to see myself do it. Standup. I've always thought that this is what's really interesting about standup is that a huge component of standup is being self deprecating of, of acknowledging whatever your own folly is or whatever.

Right. So you're supposed to be up there presenting like, I don't know, I'm just this regular goofball of a person and this is just what I think about things. But at the same time, you're supposed to be this entertainer and, and you're supposed to be kind of cool on some level. And it's a, it's a tough balance to get all that to where, and so much of it is just making all these people feel comfortable so that they can laugh. Right.

You know, cause that's the thing. Like you've seen comics where they just, they immediately, they make you uncomfortable and you're like, I don't, it doesn't matter what this guy's going to say. Yeah. I just feel so bad for him right now. Oh yeah. You know, yeah. Yeah.

No, I mean, I think thank God with standup at least, probably with everything, but with standup, you know, longer, you're the one doing it. You start to feel more comfortable with all the elements of it. Right. Performing and the writing and the, you know what I mean? But I had the dream to do it when I was younger and I didn't have the nerve. I'm not going to lie to you. I never had the nerve.

I was just like, yeah, probably too healthy for it. That's why I love that that was normal. Psychologically, there's so many different components to stand up though. I think it's a psychology game too, cause you're reading the audience. You're reading everything. You're self them. By the way, what, what, one of the reasons I brought this up was that last week when Sean and I were on Joe's thing, he talked about how, how I let, I, I leaned

into this one, but then he actually called me and remember, I worked on it. 02:07:15,340 --> 02:07:16,980 I remember, I remember this time. I don't have any of those, but I'm just want to see just two more. I can't, I'm like, I don't know where my crystal balls are back. We got some news. Okay. I can't see it now.

I do. It was a little, it was dialed up a little bit. It was dialed up a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. And no, so what happened was I, I called him cause I was in Atlanta and I, and the other thing was I also had really high hopes. I was really excited that you were coming to read for Russ and I was like,

you already had the job, but you didn't, but I did. Cause then I saw it and I was like, oh no, I don't know if this is going to work completely because I need that, I need that, that, that thing. I need that, that sort of relaxed vibe with this guy. And so then I called him and I said, would you be willing to come and work on it? And by the way, that's also really cool for somebody to just say, sure, I'll take time out of my day and not knowing if I'm going to get it. And it's cool for someone to offer to work on it with you more importantly.

I think it's cooler on your end. Yeah. Well, and what we did more than anything is, it's not like we were just practicing it all day. We were mostly just talking about it. Like you said, just talking about the character, talking about the movie. And it was really fun. And you gave me this note, by the way, during filming a few times too.

Like, like just like throw it away, chill out, lean back, don't. Yeah. Like you, you brought that up. I remember that a few times. Yeah. Throw it away was, was always good for us. Yeah. Just let it get out there and don't, you know, but I also just so you know,

told him this, I confessed that when I left this audition, this one, that clearly was not what he was looking for, that I called my agent. And I was like, I knocked that shit out of the park. I was like, I would be amazed if he doesn't say funny. Like, I swear to you. And then he called me. He was like, he said, I remember he goes, he didn't say it was, it was perfect. He said that, you know, that you could maybe improve it.

Like he was so delicate. I was like, he said, can he call you? I was like, yeah, he can call me. You know, what's interesting now that you say that, OK, how come it's the auditions you think you've nailed it and you're like, bam, it's always and you never get the call and the times that I've always gone in there and been like, I don't give a fuck. I actually went in one time, I auditioned for a commercial and I did not give

a fuck so bad that I was eating their snacks. Like the casting people, I was going to eat their pretzels and they're like, do you want to do this? And I was like, oh, yeah, sorry, but a but a but a and I booked it. It was a national commercial. I made a ton of money, you know, and I never, I didn't think I'd get that. That's the and that that's kind of a huge secret to life right there. And actually for John and I, it's been the same way on the writing.

The writer's version of that is pitching, pitching is ridiculous. It is a nightmare because it's like an audition that goes on for a half an hour. It's it's brutal. And you have to go in there and you have to tell them the entire movie, but you can't tell them the entire movie. Because I mean, if I sat down and told you the entire movie of Star Wars, you'd be bored to tears in 10 minutes, you know, and there's a Boba fat guy. Exactly.

So you have to find some way to make your story interesting, not just as a movie, but as you telling it in the room and you have to bring energy to it. Because if you just go in and go, look, guys, it just goes like this and this and this and that. I mean, sure, if you're a superstar, they'll go great. We'll buy anything you have. But when you're out there trying to make your bones, it's you got to go in there and you got to put your back into it. And you got to sell. And I do not like selling. I've never, my brother's a salesman. I could never do it. So I just go in there and it's

exhausting. And but like you're saying, there were times where John and I would go in on something and, you know, like a rewrite job or something. And we'd be like, you know, we talk about it and we kind of go in and we didn't give a shit. You know, we'd go in and we'd be like, well, I don't know. I wouldn't do it like that. I mean, I, we'd do it more like this. I don't know. You know, and they'd be like, great, you're hired. But anytime we were just like so desperate to get the job, isn't that interesting? It would just be like never.

By the way, so how you get everything is when you're relaxed. I think as people can see your essence and they can see who you are. It's the dating. They love the same thing. I love you. And they're just like, but if you're like, I mean, whatever, I'm not that interested. Then the person's like, oh, I'd love to go out with you. You know, always like that. It's not about not caring. Correct. Because that's also, I think, really unappealing to people acting like you don't give a shit or anything. It's about, it's about being

confident in whatever choices you're making at the time. And, and more than anything, being confident that if you don't, if this thing you're doing right now isn't successful, that you're going to go on survive. Right. There's zero, it has to have, in all facets, no desperation. Yeah. Because people can read when you're desperate for work or love or anything like that. Well, and I think the reason why that, that happens like that naturally is because if you are desperate, you're not going to do a very good job. Right. So I think people can read that. And I think it's valuable that if somebody is just so

desperate to whatever it is that they're doing, it's probably not going to work out very well. Yeah. I will say they need it too much. This experience also, like just for other actors, I would say it showcases, to me, the nearly, I won't say totally, but like the near almost, the nearly impossible task of getting cast in a feature studio film without previous experience. It really is a hurdle. Right. Like you really need allies. Like I had you wanting me to be in this and it's like, it's still, you start, you know, you start seeing how movies are cast because, you know, you realize that studios go like, well, who has done this before? Who has a track record?

Well, yes. Sometimes it's that because in your case, I don't think anybody at the studio quite had an idea of what you're following was. I didn't either, to be honest. I had seen your, your specials on Netflix and I just thought they were brilliant. I think what it is more than anything is that through your stand up, you were cultivating, you were digging down, drilling into your personality and different aspects of your personality. And in this business, you have so many people that have been doing Shakespeare from the time that they were young and they are good at being actors, but they, they sometimes can lose track of who they are as people. And that's what you're looking for more than anything.

You're looking for who's behind those eyes that can bring something to this part beyond just, there's a lot of people that can deliver the dialogue and make it sound reasonably, you know, believable, but it is hard, right? To get cast. I mean, well, no, it's, it's very hard. But what I'm saying is that it's not so much about knowing that somebody has experience or whatever. It's, it's somebody coming in and bringing some humanity into whatever it is that they're doing. I got you. And that's what the experience allows people to do. I think particularly with stand up, I think the reason why, you know, like Chris Rock is a really good actor. I mean, so many stand ups are really good actors. Adam Sandler is an amazing actor, you know, and I think it's

because you got to go out there on stage and just sort of like put yourself out there over and over and over in front of so many different people. You're going to drill down into who you really are. Yeah, after to be good at it. I think about a lot of times, I mean, because if you're fake on stage, everybody, they know it, but that's why people bomb. It's because the audience can smell the inauthenticity or if you're terrified, like that, that comic you were talking about feeling uncomfortable. Yeah, it may have been his terror because they're like, it's like an animal thing right away. They're like dogs that smell your, but doesn't everybody have to sort of start there? Yeah, we all have the experience. You fuck up for years and bombing and like horrible. It's horrible.

Like they're emotionally traumatizing experiences. It's the trenches. But when you speak about like comedians and their humanity, I always think about Robin Williams. Oh my God. Because, you know, it was like, it's like, man, like he really, that read so much whenever he was on screen. Yeah. Just like the human being that was there, you know, that like, you really connected with, like I would see him in, you know, he played countless roles, but like in, especially like in a drama or something, or even when he was in a comedy during like the dramatic scenes that balanced the movie out. Man, you always felt like, wow, I really am, see the person here. Yeah. You know, when he wasn't being funny. And I don't think it's any coincidence that so many

standups who you just think of, oh, that guy or that woman is really good on stage, that it's no coincidence that they are effortlessly be able, or they're able to turn in these roles. I mean, Sarah Silverman, so many people that have done these incredible roles in movies that, you know, that if you're one of those people that started acting lessons when you were four years old, it must be, it must drive you a little crazy to see somebody who's been telling jokes and bars for 10 years come, come in and just crush like that. But I think the reason why is because they're also doing this, something really similar to what you're doing when you're, when you're pursuing acting at that level, you're just drilling down into who you are.

Yeah. And I also think too, I think what's great about being a comic is that there's a level like you can be successful, but then you can also eat shit every week. Like you're never too high on your own Kool-Aid. You can get checked hard. You get checked all the time. But like your ego, there's not a lot of bullshit. Well, after a while too, you learn to not listen to that, which is a really funny thing. Yeah. Like in other words, you'll be on such a good streak of like great shows, but you won't buy into, oh, I'm amazing, because you'll know that it's not true. You'll know like keep yourself grounded because this shit can go sideways quickly. So you don't, you actually don't buy into getting lost in all my shows go well.

Yeah. And you've seen people before you who have risen and risen and risen and then started to fall off for whatever reason that people had kind of gotten used to what they were doing. And they, so you never know. I mean, the way I look at it for me is that when you look at anybody's IMDB page, it stops somewhere. There aren't that many people, particularly directors or writers, where it just goes on and on and on. Usually it's sort of, it just stops somewhere. So you, A, you want to be grateful for whatever time you have and B, you want to always keep that in the back of your mind that this isn't a gravy train that just goes on forever. What do you tell yourself? Like you just go like, we'll just keep working, keep doing the work.

Yeah. I mean, John and I, we've always seen ourselves as pretty blue collar in that way. We know we're not geniuses. We know that, that we work for a living and we get together every day and we sit in a room and we talk about nonsense and we just, just keep poking and prodding at it until it comes together in some way. And we try not to ever turn in drafts that don't, you know, hold up, you know. But everything that we're doing is so subjective. You can write a scene that you think is the greatest scene ever written and there's going to be somebody that's going to go, ah, that's a piece of shit. Kind of an asshole would write that. So there's no way you can ever, so you can't write for them though. You can't write for them, but you, but you can't,

it's like what you're saying. You can't ever think that you've got it all figured out because you just never will. You know, so you just keep doing the work. Listen, I had such a good experience with you. I want to thank you again for the opportunity. Thank you. It was so awesome. I feel like I won a contest. I think I did. And we, we've had fun with you here. I want to encourage everybody. I know I got a ton of messages this week, man, from people that were like, I'm going to the movie just to see you like sit to me. And then they're like, I ended up loving the movie. I wasn't expecting this. I wasn't expecting to cry. Fuck you piece of shit. Go to a movie where I cried, stuff like that. But I think you made

an amazing film and I'm happy to be a part of it. And it's Thanksgiving week and I want to encourage everybody to go see it and bring people. It's an awesome movie. Yeah. Thanks. And by the way, thank you for being in the movie. I mean, you, you brought a ton to it and even just having you on set with that attitude of being so excited to be there. I mean, that's really valuable to me. Who gets used to being in movies? I know. How are you like that? People do this thing too, in case they get used to it. I mean, I gotta admit, I'm, I'm a little bit too used to being on set. And sometimes that's what's great about having somebody who comes in who's not there all the time is that it's a good reminder of like, oh yeah, we get to make a movie. Oh, I was like, I was like,

can I stand here and watch the monitors? And they're like, yeah. I was like, I was like somebody visiting set. And that's like the fucking craze. I mean, you, you met half of them of the actors. Yeah, they're awesome. I love Julie Haggerty so much. She's so great. And our, our grandma. Yeah. Grandma Sandy. God damn it. I love her. Isn't she the guy? God damn it. My younger sister was like, I'm so proud of you. It was awesome. I love it. And I go, thanks. She goes, I thought Grandma Sandy was the best. I love Grandma Sandy. That's gonna be me. No, she's so great. I feel like, I feel like one thing I could do that I could borrow from Trump is the way he, he has this like self-promoting thing that he does really well that I think an actor could do, which is,

he'll be like, a lot of people are saying this. And so I'm going to just start going, a lot of people are saying it's the performance of a lifetime. A lot of people. I just keep hearing that. Yeah. Yeah. He'll be like, I keep, I'm talking to people and they're just saying that, you know, that they've never seen better. Everybody's saying, everybody's saying, is incredible. A lot of people. When you hear about the tears, you know, that it's, they're pretty much all coming from him. A lot of people, a lot of people are even saying that they're crying because I'm not in certain scenes. Right. That's another thing I've heard people say. That's the tears. A lot of people. I love too that you get that one extra laugh in the, in the last scene when you're with,

with John Morris's son. Oh yeah. Yeah. And that, that always gets a, gets a good laugh at the end of the movie. I think people, because, because, and I think the reason why that gets a good laugh, you know, nobody knows what I'm talking about right now, but I think the reason why that gets a good laugh is because people really want Russ to, to make this work. Sure. You know. Yeah. They like Russ. They want him to. There's so many great characters and multiple storylines with like, with the whole family, you know, the different people and that one. Yeah. That's a fun, I'm glad that made the cut. Yeah. Whatever that day. All right. Well, Sean Andrews, thanks again so much. Thank you. Go see instant family.

And that's that man. Thanks. One of our best, we have a rigid, we have bad ass photo shoppers. We have amazing people that do remixes and songs. And one of my absolute favorites is gaping dad. He's, he's created some bangers for this show before he just sent in a good morning Julia saw. Oh, I can't wait to hear it. I haven't heard it, but here it is. Can't wait. Thank you guys for listening. Again, support Sikler. Go see the movie. You know where to find us on tour. Watch the degenerates on Netflix. If you have not already and then get, let's give everybody, let's give a garth wave to our cameras. Here we go. Good morning Julia. It's me, Joe. Just wanted to say hi. You were so beautiful. Good morning, Julia. It's me, Joe.

I hope this video doesn't scare you. Good morning, Julia. It's me, Joe. Good morning, Julia. It's me, Joe. I will love you like you've never been loved before. Good morning, Julia. It's me, Joe. It's been sitting in my mind when you said to me, you want to go back with your ex-boyfriend. After you experienced me, you won't even know who your ex-boyfriend is. Please erase them from your memory. Don't ever go back in the past. I could see me falling in love with you. Let's go full throttle. Full throttle.

Full throttle. Full throttle. Oh, I smell. Oh, I smell. Full throttle. Full throttle. Good morning, Julia. I really like that. Good morning, Julia. Full, full, full throttle. Good morning, Julia. It's me, Joe. It's me, Julia. It's me, Julia. It's me, Julia. It's me, Julia.

It's me, Julia. Ciao, baby.