Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 478-Adam Ray-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: December 12, 2018

Uh-oh, better check all your previous tweets, thoughts, voice recordings and more! They're coming for you and want that apology. You giving in? Kevin Hart said, "No, thank you" to the Academy and comedians around the world are forever grateful.  Plus we have the good stuff. An amazing YMH EXCLUSIVE! It turns out that Julia kept an extra video from Joe and she's held on to it all this time until now. We have that video! Get that vomit bag ready for another winner from Joe.  Comedian/actor Adam "The Voice" Ray joins us in studio and he is a natural fit. Check out his podcast About Last Night that he does with another YMH alum, Brad Williams.  We also have some video special affects that you'll have to check out the Youtube page to truly appreciate. 

Oh, yeah. No, both of those rides. I had no idea. No wonder he wanted to give us a ride again. Yeah, we had two. You had this where you have the Uber driver who's terrible, but you're respectful like you're just like, you know, you kind of bite your tongue. Well, you want to live. Yeah, you want to live. You don't want to complain during the ride. And then you're just like, I'm not gonna be a dick. And then they're like, I'll give you my card and you can just hit me up directly. And you're like, for what? For more of this shit? For I'm trying to get nauseous. Why would I call you? And they're like, this way we have our own relationship, you know, direct. And I'm like, no, thanks. Well, my favorite is that the second guy's car wreaked of the cologne.

Yeah, I wanted to throw up the whole time. My favorite also was that this guy goes, you know, who was a dick? Yeah. And he talked about like a famous basketball player. And I was like, Oh, really? That's too bad. Like, I guess it happens. He was like, yeah, he's a real asshole. And I was like, yeah, that sucks. He's like, yeah, I mean, I went to drop him off and I asked him to take a picture. And then he was just like, no, I'm like, wait a minute. Yeah, you made it sound like this guy was a dick out of nowhere. You mean you were driving him in your professional job and then you insisted on a photo? Yeah. Someone didn't want to take a photo. Maybe he's not in the mood because he thinks he's just getting a ride to the airport asshole. Maybe he thinks he cannot deal with you at the moment.

My favorite is like, everybody should always want to take pictures with me. Yeah, he's a human being. Maybe the guy's tired. Maybe he doesn't feel like he's fucking taking pictures with you asshole. Motherfucker. This is Scorpion. This is Scorpion. Produced by Mike Calico. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. I appreciate you, motherfucker.

Here's my two big ads this week. If you don't know, now you know. So my Boston week, I actually am going back and forth between the Chevalier and the Wilbur. You know, normally you play one or the other. So if you wondered why it's the back and forth, it's just because the Wilbur wasn't available. Normally I'd just do a Wilbur run, you know, like stay there. So Thursday, there's two right now. Sorry, Friday, there's two at the Chevalier. They're the late shows almost sold out now to Saturday at the Wilbur.

We're adding a Sunday. Jesus Christ and at the Chevalier. So it goes. It goes, I tell my agent says, is that wrong? It's the French. It's France. It's the Chevalier. Chevalier. The Chevalier.

The Chevalier is going to go on pre-sale Wednesday. The code word is Boston. The word is Boston. If you want to get tickets, noon, local time, code word is Boston. That's in Medford. Thank you so much. Boston area has been extremely generous and kind. May I suggest for Boston?

Yeah, sure. Ballston. Ballston. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds like a really good idea. No, it's better than what you got going. That's not even how you say that city's name. It's Balls Town.

OK. The other big one I'm excited about is we added a show in Nashville at the Ryman April 14th at 9.30 PM. And what's we just talked about? Oh, and Louisville. Louisville at the Brown Theater, which I know would make you happy. Yeah. Did you special request that?

Tuesday, May 28th. It's going on sale local, I think 10 AM local time, Wednesday, this Wednesday. So thank you. Tuesday, May 28th. I'll be in Louisville, Kentucky, the Brown Theater. That's that. But then the rest of the dates are all there. ThompsonGirl.com slash tour.

It starts off January 4th, the take it down tour in Manfran Disco. I will be up there and I'm bringing the great Josh Potter with me at the Masonic. You think you'll talk about murder? We might. I don't know. What about you, Jean? January 10th here in Hollywood, California at the Comedy Store. I'm headlining the main room.

Get your tickets for that. January 31st through February 2nd, Denver, Colorado at the Comedy Works. Now, yeah, downtown. That's common downtown. Yeah, come on, come on. February 23rd, West Salem Springs. I've rebooked that one in Oklahoma at the Cherokee Casino. February 28th through March 2nd, Madison, Wisconsin at the Comedy Club on State.

April 4th through 6th, Minneapolis, Minnesota. Finally, I'm going there. I've never been. Yeah. We're doing Acne Acme, not the Acne. Not Acne, no, Acne. Now, I've been told there's some sporting event happening that week. So if you guys are traveling from out of town, I would recommend getting your hotels now,

because there's some major sporting thing going down that weekend. Which weekend is it? April 4th through 6th. Oh. Agent Jeans was telling me about it. I have to book my hotel right now. Oh, boy. May 10th and 11th, Tempe, Arizona.

Tempe. Tempe. And then June 20th or 22nd, Washington, Dick-Com at the DC Improv All Ticket. Links at Christina P on Line. Get your Jeans. There you go. There you go. I'd like to give a special shout out to all the mommies who came out to fill her

doubt, Delphia and Jewdork titties. What a phenomenal run I had. I can't thank you guys. It's amazing. It was something special, really special. Proud of her, Jean. Very, very excited for you. No, really, big things are happening.

Big Jeans are happening. Big Jeans are happening for you guys. Big episode, you ready to get started, Jean? I'm so ready. All right, let's start this part of. Let's go full throttle. Let's go full throttle. It's another fucking faggot.

Oh. Gay person. No, it's not a faggot. I didn't mean that. This shit is big time. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Don't burn in the fucking stands.

Welcome, welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura. And Christina Pazitzin, Christina Pazitzin. Welcome to your mom's house. I've seen a lot of people messaging that, talking trash about this water. Why? I don't know. Maybe it's, well, it's purified. So I think that's one of the things that Martin taught us is not.

Well, I'll tell you what. I don't actually drink the bottle, the water that comes in that bottle. I refill it at our house. Yeah. I don't like to waste the plastic. And I, on truth be told, I know I bought reusable containers for the water. I don't like them. They taste like plastic.

Let's look at the marketing behind this. What makes Ascension better? Our proprietary process turns water from any source into supercharged, ionized alkaline water. It's even too pure to be tested by pH strips. Oh. Let's see. That's your tab water I'm drinking.

That's filtered water. It tastes like my house. Thank you. You got it. You got to love a guy who's angry enough to make a post and use a naughty word, but is self-aware enough to correct himself right in that moment. He was so angry. He was like, all right, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean like that. I mean, you never hear that. I didn't mean that. He let it go. He's like, I'm sorry. Can I tell you a real talk? I think in New York, I may have done that. Wow.

Really? This is fucking, oh geez. I can't say that anymore. I think I do the same thing as this guy sometimes. Yeah, he's really upset. I didn't mean that. You know why he's upset? No, why?

He's upset. Here, I'll let him explain. This is why he's so upset. Another gay person messages me a picture of their ass, and their ass looks like a woman's ass. And I think it's a woman's, and I open it, and I get aroused. Ever a fucking gay. I'm going to kill that motherfucker.

So apparently, he's mad that he's becoming sexually aroused by men's booties that he thinks are women's booties. Has that ever happened to you, to be honest? Like where you're surfing the webs, looking for stuff to beat your meat to, and you're like, this chick's hot, and then you're like, whoa, that's not a chick. Oh yeah, for sure.

And then do you beat yourself? Because it sounds like he's really beating himself up. He's beating himself up for even just having the moment of being like, oh, that's hot. Oh, that's a guy. Like that's what he's doing. I mean, I don't know who that hasn't happened to. You've seen like, you know, you can see,

I've even seen like a girl in public, like she's pretty, and then be like, oh, that's a guy. Like that, that's crazy. And non-binary? Yeah, you'll just see like long hair, and maybe a profile, and you're like, what's an attractive woman? That's a guy.

Like that, that happens for sure. But yeah, on, if you're like looking on porn sites, you can definitely get tricked, you know? I mean, obviously they're going to advertise that, but you can scroll, you know, they have like the pop-ups and all the- And you're like, whoa, I have clicked on- And people have sent me, you've seen the thing right where

it's like, someone will send you a video and you open it, and it pans down, it'd be like gorgeous face, gorgeous body. You'll see tics, you're like, oh, shit. And then they pan all, you know, like all the way down, and then like huge dick. It's the dong. That's what I was just going to say, is that I've accidentally clicked on thumbnails

I thought were one direction. And then you're like, oh, those are two dudes. He makes it sound like, I mean, look how angry he is here. He makes it sound like people, well, he's saying that are sending him. Well, he's like, you're forcing me to come to these gay dudes. But someone, he said they're sending me, right? Doesn't he say they're sending me?

Right, right, right, right. Which means that he's, is he being like targeted, you know? Another gay person messages me. So someone's messaging him. That means directly being like, you should look at this. Interesting. Do you get sent those a lot? No, I know.

I only get, I get the compliments mostly from men. Right, you get the bear community, the gay bear community is definitely your demo. No, the way that I do it, it's kind of, they'll be like, oh my God, you're so funny. I love, you know, the special or the podcast. And I'm like, oh, cool. And they'll be like, you're also pretty cute.

And I'm like, all right. Doesn't, doesn't hurt that you're easy on the ass. Yeah, I've gotten that. I just wanted to say you're hilarious. And also the hottest, come on. I'm like, okay. And do you think they're, But how would that upset, it doesn't upset me.

It doesn't upset you, but I like, I like their tactic because it's like, I'm going to throw it in there. I'm going to just throw the hook out. That's what guys do. And you never know if he's going to be like, Oh, that's just, wow. Wow.

You're cute too. That's men, straight or gay, doesn't matter. Yes. Guys just go, throw the line out. Let's see what happens. Go fishing. These are the guys that fish on the Santa Monica pier. Like, you know, you're not going to catch good fish,

but you're still going to, I'm going to throw the line. See, I know the straight version of that guy well, because I, you know, I'm a guy and I've been in high school and college and you always have that friend, even into your twenties, I would say, who's like, he just compliments every woman. Yes.

And you're like, Jesus, this incessant complimenting. Yeah. But he does it because every once in a while, it gets something going. Girl, I love you girl. You're more beautiful. I remember one of my friends. All the stars in the sky girl.

He would be like, he would say, well, he would say this to girls more in public. I was always the fucking wreck was just staring down, you know, it's not. Antisocial. Yeah. And he would go, he would go,

how are you doing? Or she'd be like, oh, I'm good. How are you? He's like, I'm better now that I'm talking to you. Oh boy. Yeah. Now the whole night's making sense. That made you shit like that.

Yeah. But like how many of those girls were like, oh my God, you're so sweet. Some he hooked up with a number of them. Of course. Yeah. But it would be a certain type of girl, if you know what I mean.

A broken kind. Well, just one who's like, I'm down to fuck over some compliments. Yeah. I'm broken. Yeah. DTF. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm guessing that's interesting. Because you know what I would say this, and you know what, I don't like that game. Because what I like though, here's what I do like about him. He had success and it wasn't over this,

this negging bullshit of like, make sure you take her down to get her. I hate that shit. That's a tactic. I don't even feel comfortable around that tactic. That's gross. When I hear guys do that, I know it works.

It works to the insecure girl. I was amused by my friend who would do, he would always do the positive spin. He would make like a seven feel like a 10, you know? Right. And look, it worked. A few times a guy had tried that negging stuff on me, and I'd be like,

Ugh, I'm like, get the fuck out of here. It made me physically uncomfortable, even as somebody not involved in doing it. Well, I remember one time the guy said that to me. I forget even what he said, like, I don't know, I don't remember how, but I remember being approached that way, and just being like,

Ugh, who the fuck are you? Well, that's what now what they're expecting. They want the girl to go like, Oh, yeah. Well, I should wear my hair up. Oh. And I do like the positive approach. I'd rather have a guy be worse.

Of course. It's better now that you're here, girl. Yeah, he was ridiculous. He was so ridiculous. I know who you're talking about. Of course, you know what I'm talking about. Can I tell you though? He had a pretty good batting average.

He did. Because he's sweet, he's attractive. Yeah. He means no harm, and that's why that works on some people. He was just like, girl, girl, my whole life's changing right now. It was ridiculous.

You're in my heart. Yeah. For real though. Yeah, for real though. Girl. Like a boy band, huh? They all sang like that. You don't deserve to be in a place

where you deserve a better place. Like kind of Joe's tactic of him being like, you said you're going to leave with your ex-boyfriend. Exactly. Don't do that. Don't look back. Joe knows. Don't look back.

Well, I'll tell you one thing about this guy too. This guy right here. I don't think he can host the Oscars. Can you believe that shit? Can you fucking even believe? Gay version. How nonsense is all this? How much further is this going to go

before somebody stops? The hysteria keeps growing. It is hysteria, by the way. It is at a new level. If you don't know, I'll be surprised, but Kevin Hart was tapped to host the Oscars. Then they pulled up some eight and nine and maybe even 10-year-old.

Tweets. Yeah. And they're like, these are homophobic, anti-gay. And it was things like, here's, let me give you one of them as a, if I came home and found out my son was gay, I'd break a dollhouse over his head. Hilarious.

And they're implying that it plays with dolls. You're going to violently attack your son. So I don't know. What makes me the craziest about all this stuff, I mean, a lot of it does, is when people pretend, because they're pretending, they pretend like they don't get what part of these statements are jokes. That's what makes me the craziest.

Like, or what part of it, when they pretend to misinterpret it, you know, if they did it with Norm McDonald, when he did the, his interview where he was like, yeah, so I hooked up Roseanne with Louie, because they're the only two people that have been through something like that. And they're like, what do you mean, been through something like that?

There's victims here. And it's like, yeah, but. Not the media. You understand what he was saying. You don't need an explanation. And you're purposely, purposely pretending to be outraged, because that's a thing to do now. Yeah.

And you have your target, but you know exactly what he meant. You know that he meant, here are two people, that lost everything in a day, and probably only know what that feels like. Of course, you're right. Not irrespective of the other details. Obviously.

Obviously. And then with Kevin's thing, it's like, so him threatening to break a dollhouse over his young son's head. Call child services. Is because he found out he's gay, like it might be not be funny, it might be hacky, it might be tasteless,

but or whatever, but you're going to act like, hey, he's probably going to really hurt his son, because he's like, that's so exhausting that I have to, because I know that even if you are outraged, that you know that that's a joke. So now we're doing this improv in public together, where I'm going to acknowledge that I understand your outrage. Now, I understand what you mean,

because he really shouldn't hurt his son for saying that he's going to be gay. Well, and also Kevin has apologized already. That was his point. And secondly, he's already addressed it. It's the corporations who acknowledge these. First of all, if you talk to the average person on the street, I don't see anybody outraged.

I don't think most people give a shit. It's these weird marginal groups, I guess on the internet that are coming after these corporations, and then the corporations couch out of this lunacy. So if the whoever's hiring Kevin just goes, oh, really, you're upset too bad. Kevin hurts our guy. Yeah.

Instead of like, exactly, appeasing these dummies. Well, that's why it's ridiculous. You really got to celebrate Kevin for not doing it. Of course. And also, you know what's happening too, I think, is a lack of context. Like what you're saying is that people are taking things out of context. It's kind of the way we read tweets.

You only read 100 and whatever characters, and completely out of context of space and time. It's like comedians doing anti-wife jokes or whatever, the fucking the 50s. You're going to hold all those guys responsible. Yeah. It's just silly. I mean, exactly.

Like 10 years is a big difference. It really is. It is in this era. For sure it is. For sure it is. I mean, when he made that tweet, like, you know, again, it could be tasteless and not funny or kind of offensive, but like, it's a different time.

It's before we had legalized gay marriage, you know. So his tweet, okay, here's the, yo, if my son comes home and tries to play with my daughter's dollhouse, I'm going to break it over and set his head and say in my voice, stop, that's gay. Okay. Then he was, he caught his son, his then three-year-old son having a gay moment he was not proud of.

You should nip it in the bud, he said, and in a 2011 routine, they're just waiting, they're just waiting for you to get certain opportunities. Yes. And then here's the thing, you need somebody in Kevin Hart's position who literally doesn't need it. Like there's sometimes when you're tapped to host something like that, where you're like, this kind of put me out front again,

like, doesn't need it, doesn't need it for the attention, doesn't need it for the promotion, doesn't need it for the money. Like they're lucky to have them, you know. For you to be in that position and be like, I'm not going to do the apology thing, it's huge. We need more comedians to be like, I'm not fucking apologizing, fire me, go get Hannah Gatsby to do whatever the fuck you want her to do,

I'm not doing it. He said, you know, it's come up before, which it has, he did, he addressed it in a, I think it was a Rolling Stone interview. He did it a few years ago. It's so stupid. Well, we need to stop apologizing as comedians. And also, I'm not sure the apology gets you anything anymore, because you'll apologize,

and then you're probably still going to get fired anyways. So now apologizing, it serves no purpose. I think we should do what Donald Trump is great at doing, which he never apologizes. And that's actually a really smart move. He doesn't, he's like, I'll fuck you. Well, look at him, he gets away with murder in the media, I'm saying, because he's like, no, fuck you,

this is what I'm doing. And in a way, I respect that, because it's like, okay, that's the tactic. Don't apologize. Because why are we rewarding these marginal idiots who aren't, who aren't understanding things contextually? It's just silly. It's, this is absurdity what's happening.

It's totally crazy. It's a fucking stupid witch hunt. It's a social justice warrior witch hunt. I'm just happy that- Dumbest thing in the fucking world. Now he did like, after he stepped down, he sent out an apology, like, hey, if I ever hurt anyone I never meant to.

Of course. But he did it on his terms after giving up the gig. He was like, I'm not gonna do it on your terms. But rest assured, I'm, there's no comedian. I've never met a comedian in the history of comedians, whose intent is to hurt people's feelings. That's never the fucking intent. No, I know.

That's not why anybody picks up a microphone and sacrifices everything in your life for a decade just to get paid a nominal amount of money to tell jokes to people, to hurt them. That's not why we do this, right, Tom? Yeah. Did you travel across the country and go into severe debt for a decade,

miss birthdays, holidays, new years, everything, to make people pissed off? That's why you did comedy, right? To offend gay people, to God forbid. It's just the stupidest fucking thing in the world. I don't know why they're coming after comics. It bothers me. I know it, but I also like the gravity

that people attach to the jokes, too. Like when people are like, you know what? That's fucking dumb. We just, we'll get, we'll get back on track. He just, we just need, you know, you got it. You got to be like, I screwed up there. I don't, I don't think you do. Here's what we're gonna put on the death list.

Remember we had the person we're gonna execute who listened to videos loudly or make calls loudly? Yeah, gets in my act. Yeah. Okay. Well, I have a list of people I want to kill, and it's going to go, this isn't going to be the next. People who don't understand fucking jokes.

Yeah. Are you kidding me? It's embarrassing. It really is embarrassing. It's embarrassing that, that the culture has evolved at that point, you know, that everyone, because you know what it is also that's really annoying is that it's selective outrage.

So if you're going to attack Kevin Hart for past tweets and things said, it's not fair that it's just about gay stuff. You got to get it. You got to get it all. Otherwise you're, you're not being fair. You're being priced. Right.

I mean, has any probably, I don't know, made fun of people, I don't know, different races. Women, little people, yeah. We all have, it's all in the catalog. So, but why, why is this the only thing to be outraged by? I don't know. You got to be outraged by all of it. There's so many great comedians

that have made fun of all these things. It's horrible. All these things. And that really is why podcasting is the most amazing thing because you have no boss. Nobody can tell you anything. No. And our audience, our audience gets it.

I mean, it's clearly because we talk about the stuff. We make fun of everything and they get it. I just, I really want to salute Kevin Hart for doing that. He's just like, I'm not playing the game. I'm not stupid. I'm not playing good for him. Yeah. So last night we did something we've never done.

Yeah. We went to the Lakers, Los Lakers. Los Lakers, homie. We set it up with our, it was actually, we were treated by our agent, Agent Jeans. And Agent Jeans came, took us to the game and we saw a great game. We saw LeBron, Dwayne Wade play

and the last time they'll face each other or at least last time Dwayne Wade would play at Staples. He's retiring at the end of the season. And, you know, seeing a legendary player in person. And here's the thing that I was thrilled by. My wife fucking always rolls her eyes at sports, hates most of the sports. And she was like, we gotta go to a Laker game.

You had a good time. I love it. I like basketball. I grew up playing basketball here and there. I grew up playing basketball. No, I mean, like I was tall as a girl. So I actually was decent at playing basketball. I didn't play it.

I couldn't believe it. You're like, that's a traveling call. I was like, how the fuck where have you been? It's the one thing I know. We're going to go to basketball game again. Yeah, I like tennis too. We can get tennis tickets. I don't know what the fuck.

Tennis tickets. You know what I love most about the Laker game though? It's the audience. When they put the camera on like the dude, it just made his fucking ear to be up on the Jumbotron. And he's like, oh, fuck, it's me. I don't want fucking TV. Like it's the best moment.

They lose their shit. They go nuts, dude. They just love it. But we saw it. I mean, that was it. It was down to the wire that game. And we saw amazing play. I mean, everything from just beautiful basketball,

you know, like something just really coming together, pass, pass, pass. We saw amazing passes. We saw kind of blooper plays. We saw alley-oops. You saw guys driving the whole beautiful threes. And it was back and forth, back and forth. It was, it was like a high drama.

You sound like an announcer with all those. Well, I mean, we just got to see so many cool aspects of the game. It was actually a really good game. And I never seen a game live. Like I've never been to Staple Center actually. I'm embarrassed to say. Well, this is an interesting thing because somebody wrote in, oddly enough, an email about something that I wanted to bring to your attention.

Okay. Okay. Somebody wrote in, I have a question for the mommies. I says, actually, hey, Theodore and Caroline, I have a question for the mommies. Caroline, that's really morphed now. I'm watching the Florida State basketball game right now with my wife. And I see how demonically tall, number 21, Kamaji is.

I tell him, I bet he can't do a lot of things like ride in a car, take a group picture, fit in a shower, get on a plane, et cetera. The first thing he says, meaning her man to her is, I bet his dick is huge. Yeah. I told him he is gay and to go jack his friends off in four strokes. And he said, that is every man's first thought when they see a really tall guy. Is this met, is this true?

Are all men a little gay inside? Love to all my mothers keeping it high and tight from Kansas. Lauren, well, Lauren, I got to tell you something. Your man is 100% correct. First thing I think about when I meet most guys is I wonder how big his dick is. Is that true? No, but definitely a huge guy. Well, when I see a bunch of big dudes running back and forth on the court,

that is the first one I think of. And then I compare their dick sizes in my head. Yeah. And I think LeBron's got the biggest dick. Just because he's the king of basketball? Big dick energy. Oh, he's got a lot of big dick energy. Yeah.

But I don't know if, I mean, it's kind of hard to, here's the guy that she was talking about. Okay. This guy right here. God damn, yeah, he's got a huge one. He's seven four. That's crazy. Yeah, seven four.

Giant, these guys. I mean, yeah, these guys are big. Look at this, I mean, yeah. I mean, if you look at his leg, his dick's probably right around here. Do you think his balls are big in proportion to his penis? Or it's just a long dick and the normal size balls? Do you know what I mean? Like, do the balls get bigger too?

Yeah, I think so. I think the balls proportion, I don't think it'd be like a 10 inch dick. And then little tiny balls. No, I think it's probably proportionate. Yeah. Do you want to know something crazy, Gene? What? I had a dream last night that you and I were doing it.

But that you had a big black dong. Isn't that crazy? Like you were you. You were Tom colored. God damn it. Yeah. God damn it. And then your, but your dong was like a big black one.

And I swear it's because I was watching the Lakers. And I was like, dude, there's not one white guy on this team, right? There's like, there's no Larry Bird. You're just like, black dick, black dick, black dick. Yeah, all the time I was like. Were you thinking about black dicks? No, but I, I, it was, must have been an, Just tell me.

No, it was an unconscious. I'm under the table now, tell me. Were you? No, no, I've never dated a black guy in my life. Were you sitting there looking at my chops? Pass the ball, pass the ball. But I was thinking, you know what I was thinking? Cause they run fast.

I know what you were thinking. Going on here. He was going on here. And you know, on those loose shorts, their dongs flop. Well, no, they had, they were tight compressions underneath them. Oh, they do. Oh, of course. Otherwise it would be just be a dick and ball fest.

That's what I was thinking about. Sure. Is how do they run with their dicks? They were tight compression shorts. Their dicks are a real issue. Sprinters too. Sure. They have big old dicks and balls.

Sure. And they have to tuck them away. Sometimes, sometimes you see them flopping and sprinting. That's what I'm saying. You see, cause I've seen guys playing basketball like in high school. Well, those, and those dicks, they swing and they flop and you see them. But in the pros, their, their dicks are too big and their balls are too floppy and they wear compression shorts.

Yeah. Otherwise it would just be dicks everywhere. Can you imagine what their dick and ball smell like after a game? It probably smells stinky. Yeah. Especially for telling me their way. You're just fingering yourself with stuff at night, huh? Or are you just like trying to go to bed like, oh, black cock.

Like that. Come on. Just tell me. Wait, let's talk about this. The compression. Tell me. The compression bands, are they porous or are they sweaty? So it's probably not good for your junk.

Yeah, they're, yeah, yeah. For sure. It's not that breathable. I'm sure. Yeah. So your dick and balls probably smell really bad after. Yeah. Yeah.

That's, it's a really interesting detail to bring up. Your dick and balls probably do smell really bad after a game. Maybe we can get some confirmation. Anybody play on the NBA? Anybody, any NBA players out there want to confirm what your dick and balls smell like after a game? I'd like to know. Now I grew up in the era of Shaquille and Kobe.

And I never, unfortunately, I got, never got to see them live play. I did watch the games on television. I saw Jordan play live three times. Who? Michael Jordan. Oh, Jordan. I saw. But he's on the bulls, wasn't he on the Chicago Bulls?

He was. I got to see Shaquille play. Yeah. That goes massive. I got to see him play early in his career when he played for Orlando. I went to games there. For Orlando. Hey, Shaquille probably has a huge dick and balls.

Well, there's been stories. It's interesting you bring that up. It's, it's interesting that you bring that up because what happened was there were many stories about the fact that Shaquille was this enormous man. Seven one, you know, at some, now he's probably 350. But, you know, he played in his prime at seven one, just over 300. And just gigantic, a giant human being. And there was like some, some hoes, you know, some like video hoes and stuff that were like,

his dick ain't all that. That his dick was not proportionate to what you were seeing. Again, what might be happening is that this guy is so big, right? That you're expecting a fucking tree trunk to fall out. And it might be actually big compared to any average size guy. Right. But not big compared to what you're looking at. Meaning proportion.

He's not proportionate. So maybe he has an eight inch dick, which is definitely above average, but you're like, I thought this thing was going to be 16, you know? Yeah. That's what I would expect from Shaquille. Would you tell him that if you met him? Yeah. Wouldn't you want to see it if you met him?

Yes, I, yes, absolutely. And I want, who is it? I didn't know you had so many Blackhawk fantasies. Oh, please. Oh, please. Now, who is it? Was it Magical Johnson there last night? No, no, the other guy.

He probably was there. What's his name? The older, the older asslaker, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. He was there, yeah. He's a shit. Now I grew up watching him as a kid because they used to wear the short shorts back then. I picture his dick polite, kind of. Kareem's?

Yeah. No. It's an, it's an assaulter. You think so? It's a big hog. I bet you Kareem's got the biggest dick of all of them. Really? Just because he's long and lean.

Well, they're all long and lean. Not Shaquille. Shaquille's meat and cheese. I know. He's tall and he's meat and cheese. Yeah. He's built like a football player. Most basketball players are lean, long and lean.

Yeah. Like the Harlem Globetrotters, they all have long, lean ones. How do you know this? I don't know. My mom dated them. I swear to God. All of them? I don't know.

She dated a few of them. What? Yeah. My mother, I promise you, when she came to the country, she was cute, blonde, big tits, and she worked over at Universal. I swear to God. And one day I was going through her belongings and she had all these signed autographed pictures.

I'm trying to tell you a fucking story. I'm trying to listen to the story. Go ahead. You're saying that's my mom? With the Globetrotters. So she had all these signed? I don't think it would be easy. All these signed pictures of the Globetrotters.

And they're all like, to Edith, you know, you're the best. And I was like, how the fuck did you get all these pictures of these Globetrotters? It's so rambunctious. Well, I knew them. I was friends with them. I went out on a couple of dates. I was like, what?

A couple of dates. A couple of ding-dong dates. I got it. Thank you. Yeah. You are so nasty. Remember Curly? Curly was a short one.

Yeah. Now, do they still have the Harlem Globetrotters? Yeah, they still do their thing, you know. That would be fun. We should see them next. Anyways, this is my new favorite thing are going to Laker games. I'm huge.

All right. I'm huge into it. Cool. I got my glasses of white wine. I got two glasses of Chardonnay last night. I had a pretzel. Yeah. So it was a lot of fun.

It was a lot of fun. Now, there was a fucking asshole next to us who was loudly rooting for the other team. And a fucking... So disrespectful. He was like really rooting for them. And I was like, motherfucker, you're in LA, bitch. Sit down.

He was wearing like a fucking suit, like a douchebag. Get out of here, man. You know what was funny? Last week, one of my favorite moments when we had Dunnigan on was when you and I just looked at each other when he said... I know what you're going to say.

No, he was like... I know what you're going to say. Hold on. Hold on. Let me get this for you. I know what he did. I know. I know what he did.

It's okay with Christine. Right? I know. What the fuck? It's okay with Christine. And I... Okay, so I just... So, Tom, how much?

It's okay with Christine. Christine. And I've been getting emails of people. People have known me for years. They're like, hey, Christine. I'm like, what is happening? What's going on? I know.

And then... Absolutely lowest you would take. Be real. Okay, I'm real. I'm saying let's really be realistic. Yeah, Christine doesn't find out about it? No, like Christina. Yeah, so he did go get it right.

He corrected. Yeah. Do you think he remembered? Or he heard me say it, maybe. Maybe I said like Christina. And he was like... We got to ask him. Yeah.

But he definitely had a Christine. Oh, hard Christine. Hard Christine. Yep. Christine. Yep. Okay. One of my favorite things.

I usually don't bring this stuff up to people who do it. Because I think you've told me it's too mean. You're like, you're gonna really hurt them. Oh, no. Which is, well, when people are like, dude, you look just like my friend or brother or dad or husband. And you're like, look at the photo. And you're like, no, I don't.

No, I don't. You just showing me a guy with a beard. And they're like, no, no, no. You guys are twins. Yeah. And so, but now when it's a friend who does that, you can be like, oh, I can call him out. So Brendan Schaub posted this last week.

Yeah, that's fun. Hey, fun fact. Did you know my barber is Tom Sakura's Mexican brother? And then here's the guy. Do you want to look just like him? No, Schaub. Well, I put fun fact. Did you know that Brendan Schaub has experienced severe head trauma

and doesn't know what his friends look like? Because I felt like he was the first person that I could really lay into for this thing. I know, Brendan. It's not that's just a guy with a beard. That's always what it is. That's always what it is. I would say one out of a hundred of these that I get.

Is it somebody that I remotely look like? This guy's got a beard and eyebrows. Is that he has a twin? Oh, you mean like, oh, I see it. We have a nose. Like, what are you talking about? This is not you at all. Here, here's some other guys I looked just like.

There you go. Well, that guy's, yeah, beard, okay. He has short hair. He's got short hair, but that's really it. He looks like James Gandolfini this guy more. How about this guy? No. What are you talking about?

Look at it. We both have lips, right? And then we have different eye colors, but our head is round at the top. And his beard is a lot fuller than yours, I'd say. There's another guy. That guy. No, you're talking, that's twin.

That guy is so old. That's my twin. He's like 60, that guy. You don't know what you're talking about. There he is. That guy's not. That looks just like me. Not like him.

We have beards. He got a left ear. I got a left ear. Look. You see it now? He's got shoulders. You've got shoulders. I've got shoulders.

Oh, there I am. No, no, that guy's a famous actor, but. And he looks just like me. No. Yes. Yes, he does. Here's another guy. Look at him.

Is he happy? Is he on the Lakers? Do you realize how many people, too, send me? They send me. They're like, I'm going to freak you out right now. You're about to lose your mind. I just realized, and it's either like, I either saw your doppelganger or they'll be like, my husband or my dad or my is your twin.

And it's basically Idris Elba. Like they're like, see? I love Idris Elba. They're like, see? Looks just like you. I'm like, no. I do like his black on black on black ensemble. Well, yeah, you're talking about his suit.

Dope. That looks great. 00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:14,040 But I'm talking about that people. No, I know. I get it. But you know what? I didn't want to be selfish.

So I also wanted to point out some people that you look just like. Oh, yeah. I like that one. Yeah. That's not my. I do not like Angelina. Yeah, that girl does look like me. I could see that except I don't.

I have brown eyes. Christy. Christy. Yeah. Has someone sent this in? I don't know. This looks like Christina. I just had them pull some.

Yeah. That girl could be me blonde. I mean, but that's you think you're twins? No, no, no. I look way more Eastern. You're there. You are. No, that's you on the left.

That is you on the left. Sure. That girl's just blonde. Yeah. It doesn't look a thing like me. I think you're starting to get it. Yeah. That girl's a slutty blonde.

See, I'm a different kind of blonde. I have low lights in my hair. And then there's girls who only have the blonde. Well, I don't know. Those don't look the same. She's holding a child and you're obsessed with the black cocks of the NBA. There you are.

There I am. God, what size are those milkers you think? I don't know. It's cheese. Pretty good. Those are bad. Big ones. Yum, yum, yum.

I wouldn't mind taking it back. 00:40:26,520 --> 00:40:27,240 All right. Do you dream about big black boobs? I've dreamt about all types of of sized tits and asses and everything. I have my asses terrible. No, it's not.

It's disgusting. Jesus. It's always been disgusting though. Babe, it's time for that. Are you ready? What? That. Yeah.

Okay. Your mom's house will be right back. Wow. Thank you. I like that announcer you played right before. That's Jake. He's great. He's done a lot of voiceover stuff for us.

Yeah, he's so profesh. There's things really developing in this sector. Good morning, Julia. Oh man, you're telling me. Oh my goodness. So it has grown and grown and we're so thrilled about that. Lots of photo shops, artwork, obviously. It's really exploded actually.

The shirts were a hit. You guys were asking for when we put them out. They were such a hit that I have socks coming next week. Those are good morning, Julia socks. And I did the small and larger ones because I know that women would want some. But it's been, it's the hit of the century. Good morning, Julia. I mean, look, we never know.

You never really know what resonates with the audience. I'm so happy when it's shit like this. Me too. There's something so pure about this whole thing with Julia and Joe. And the fact that we got to meet Julia. I know. I've been texting. I mean, so let's, first of all.

She's a full throttle. Let's go full throttle with this. She's full throttle. You're not saying you're right. Full throttle. So there's been more people are sending in their unique. Good morning, Julia. So let me play you some of these.

Oh, I love these more than life. It's a kid. It's a kid. Here's another lady. Good morning, Julia. Anyway, yesterday was the best day of my life. You know, you see this? See that?

I built all that with my bare hands. I know now someone do my bare hands. I'm gonna choke the shit out of you. I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna put you on my backyard. Don't go back with that ex. I'm gonna fucking kill him too. I'm gonna put you on my backyard.

Okay. Good morning. I love you. Good morning. There you go. Good morning, Julia. Emma. Good morning, Julia.

Hey, it's me, Joe. Just want to say hope you're having a great day. Fuck. Sorry about that. That's why I say that I'm born up for about three or four hours today, really going full Toronto, thinking about Joe. So open up your heart and hope to hear from you. The kiss is always forgets me.

Yeah, he tripped over a fan there. He had a floor fan. He did. You know what I love when he goes, because there's different parts of good morning, Julia, that I fixate on every now and then. Yeah. But what I've been hearing in my head lately

is open up your heart and your arms to me. 00:43:27,400 --> 00:43:29,480 Like, uh, that, that one. Yeah, you start, you start having that loop play. Different loops will play. Yeah, I get that too. What are you looping? Open up your heart and your arms to me.

Heart and arms is a big one. Open up your heart, because it's also like open your heart. And then he's like, and like the choice of words. Yeah. Yeah, it's very odd, you know, put up your heart. Cause, cause I thought at first I thought it was open up your heart in your arms. Oh.

And then I'm like, oh no, he's saying and your arms. And your arms. And it's also like, he was saying like, be sweet, but he's like also be physical. Correct. Cause that's really. Correct. And that's,

Open up your heart. Yes. Which is an emotional thing. And your legs. But also, yeah, he meant to say, open up your heart and your legs and whatever's in between your legs. Yes. I'll open that up for you.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Because on, on the surf, I love this analysis, you're right, Tom. On the surface, it's like this charming, just open up your heart. But then he layers in the hyper sexual. It was his brain.

He didn't even, he wasn't even able to stop his brain from doing that. Cause that's every man, even like when a man is like, let me get the door for you. You know. He's thinking, let me open your legs for you. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah.

You guys are horrible people. Men are horrible people. We're just wired for this. Yeah. But you guys are terrible. That's terrible. That is true. Is there ever a time when you're just a normal, not sexual?

I think on your way out, when you're dying. Like 80. Yeah. No, that's when they get even perverted again. George Bush was slapping. David Copperfield. Anyway, open up your heart and your arms. Good morning, Julia.

It's me, Garth. I have to say, me and you last night at my, my big ass stadium pool, watching you get physical with my music. One of the best days of my life. And I know you said you wanted to get back together with JX, but me and Miss Yearwood would love to go full throttle with you down here at Studio G. I wrote all my own songs from Rodeo, and Two of a Kind, and Thunder Roll,

all the way down to Friends in Low Places. Anyway. All right, Katie, song you wanted, Julia. Just come to as many shows as you can. You know, you're my flower. You're my flower. And the kisses. Cause I got friends in low places.

Tommy killed again and left no traces. He got away. And the dead is slain. Uh-huh. Okay. What's really neat about this guy is that he meshes two of our favorite things together. Garth and Joe. Two greatest guys of all time.

Joe Brooks. Yeah. What a nightmare. Good morning, Julia. I know you like a strong man, not like your ex-boyfriend. I just wanted to show you the ceiling fan and show to you how strong this ceiling fan is. Oh, God.

Demonstrate how strong you are, Julia. Oh, my God. So when you and I go full throttle, Julia, I think. Are you really taking serious? Oh, my God. It's how strong my love is for you. There's nothing wrong with it, Julia. There's nothing wrong.

Ciao, baby. That was scary. I don't want people hurting themselves for this. He walks his head into that fan. He's experienced with that fan. He knows the fans. He knows the capability. Yeah, he does.

He's done that for fun before. Yeah. Okay. Good morning, Julia. Oh, God. It's so hard to watch these. So it's not cool that you call the cops on me. I keep running.

I keep finding me. I had this field here that I built for you. It was going to be where our house was going to go. Now I might have to, you know, bury you in it. But I got to go. Good morning, Julia. More children. My one of you at school was the best day of my life.

Let's go full throttle. Ciao. Oh, it's cute. Let's go full throttle. Devon, a couple more. Julia, don't leave me. I finally found you. Julia, we can't do this here.

Julia, Julia, I got you gloss greatest hits. Julia, Julia, please. Julia, fuck. Julia. Ciao. Man. I love that. Watch out.

Kissing him. This is chasing a vehicle too. I know kissing me. Kissing after her is amazing. Jesus. Here's a. I love you, Julia. Morning, Julia.

Windmills. I just wanted to send you a little message and tell you that meeting with you was one of the best few minutes of my life. You know, something's been sitting heavy on my mind. When you mentioned something about wanting to get back with your ex, don't look in the past. Believe me, I know.

I know. Don't look in the past. Oh, God. See these fans back here? I built these fans. Every square inch of them and never look back. Let's go full throttle. Ciao.

There's a crown mold in to the ceilings. This hand-justing too that he does, the crown molds, the ceilings. He's like, I did all his shit right here, Julia. There's even Christmas, Julia submits. Oh, no. Yeah. Good morning, Julia.

When I was at the Gramercy. Good morning, Julia. It's me again, Joe. Look, I just wanted to let you know I heard what you had to say on the Todd and Christine contest. It was one of the best moments I've ever had. And I wanted to get you a gift in the light of the holiday season. The basket I built, the wine I built, the pine cones I built.

These Christmas tree trimmings come from a non-disclosed location somewhere in North Central. I call it the cabin of terrors. I wish you the merriest of holiday seasons. And I hope you enjoy Christmas full throttle. She managed to get creepy, too. I know. I think oddly, I think women tap into something.

Yes. That guys, because the guys you believe, and then you really see like that the woman is flipping what she's experienced before. Yeah. This is because we've all had the guy, the Joe in our life. Jesus, Mary. You know, it's funny when I was meeting fans

after my second show at Gramercy Theater, I meet fans just because I'm a personality champ, like people like my personality. I don't know, some guy, some guy goes, we built this theater for you. God damn it, I love this thing. Open up your heart. And yoms.

And yoms. Yeah, there's another one. Good morning, Julia. She's got the beard. Just wanted to say hi. I can't stop thinking about you and your beauty. Also, I just wanted to show you, I built us a little gingerbread house.

Everything you see here, I built. We've got a little gingerbread Julia. A little gingerbread Joe. That's the other thing. This is amazing. It's emphatically making it clear. Yeah. Because he also, what he says in that video,

he says everything you see here I built, and then he goes, that's the kind of man you're getting. Right. So he's letting you know, like, you're getting a fucking guy that's more than handy. Right. I can really, I can build you a home. You're getting a lot of free stuff here.

Here's the trade. Right, right, right. We're going to have a home. Right. I got, I can do all this stuff for you. You can make my babies. Yeah. I'm going to have to pay a contractor.

That's the best part. This is all free labor. Exactly. I am a contractor. Yeah. You lean in on me because we got to lean on each other for support. That's too much. And a little gingerbread Joe.

I love this. You lean in on me because we got to lean on each other for support. I also built a little room. Even the eyes. I love this. This one might be my favorite. But looking at you. Yeah.

Like we got, that's the message. We've got to support each other. Like being so serious about. The overkill. Yeah. This girl's my favorite. Gingerbread house that we can hide all of the dead bodies in. Maybe your ex-boyfriend.

I really think that we should go full throttle. If you don't agree. I might be stabbing myself in the hot with a candy cane. That's Kelsey. Kelsey. I love you. And I love your facial hair. The goatee is horrendous.

His goatee is in the 90s too. Joe is also not fashionable. Yeah. That's pretty good. God. Good morning Julia. Just wanted to say hello. It's the Grinch.

Yeah. And I tell you they meeting you yesterday. Nice and full makeup. Probably the best day of my life. Look at that. Anything that you see behind you. I made my bare hands. Including that child.

It's the kind of guy you're going to get. What do you deal with me? So. That's the kind of guy you're going to get. I love you Julia. Have a, have a merry Christmas. I love you Julia. Ciao.

See ya. That guy's, that's amazing makeup. The guy's dressed like the Grinch for real. He's performing. Yeah. He's clearly a performer. Yeah. It's awesome.

Including this child. Oh my God. Just as a reminder this holiday season, I'm watching you. He's the elf on the shelf. The elf on the shelf. Good morning Julia. And there's Andre, Andrew. It's Christmas time Julia.

I want to let you know Julia. I built this for you because I'm very, very good at building things. I built this gingerbread house for you. Julia, I built it for you. Please come. Please. I built it for you Julia. Watch.

Check the, Julia check this out. That's what I do baby. We can live in that gingerbread house if we want. I promise you that. What's he doing? Putting lipstick on. He's putting on chapstick. A chapstick.

I love you Julia. Merry Christmas Julia. It's always the kiss that gets me at the end. Here's the thing, Jean, that we gotta tell the audience. Yes. You, I think you sent me, no. She sent me a message and then she sent it to you, but she sent me a message when I was,

we were going back and forth after last week and I was like, you know, you were great. And she said she had fun doing the interview and you know, some of her friends listened. She goes, oh, there is one more video. I was jamming with her on Instagram. Yeah. And I go, thank you for doing the show.

You did amazingly. The audience is going to love it. And she goes, well, just, you know, I have some other videos. I have to go check in my other phone. Give me a few hours. I'll be right back. And this is not a bit because I know people would, who listen to this show regularly,

they'll be like, they're setting us up for a joke. No. This is not a joke. No. So I, so I'm bated breath. I'm, I'm waiting at LAX airport to board a flight and I keep refreshing my email. And you hit me up.

But when you tell me, that's what it was. I was so excited. I messaged her immediately. Julia has a video. I go, Julia has a video. And she's like, yes, I'm looking for it. And she said, she goes, my, like after she got more comfortable with the craziness of it, right?

That her and her friends hit him up once. So what it was, so she sent me two videos and she goes, so my friends and I were kind of trying to bait him into making another video for us, for me, for Julia. And this is what he sent. Yeah. So they were trying to get him to be, to act a fool a little bit more because it like, eventually she and her friends were just having a great time

with it because it's, you know, mortifying. Yes. So I'm so happy to be able to bring to you. This has never been seen anywhere else except for Julia's phone. So maybe Joe's seen it, but, but that's it. So this is, you know, you've seen the first one. You've seen the one in the car, the next day, my flower. But this is actually, this is a YMH exclusive.

I'm so excited. This is, I'm so excited. I can't, I can't even handle it. The video that no one has seen. Never before seen Joe footage. Joe footage back to Julia. All right. Here it is.

See, I'm half asleep on the couch. You disappointed. You got me wrapped around your finger. Cute. But that's all you're getting. I'm exhausted. It's so gross on so many levels. It's a little more understated though than the other one.

He's tired. Man, he's engaged. Now he thinks like there's a little something going on. Yeah. They didn't have to be as put on. But here's what I don't like about this one's more disturbing. Yeah. Because he's trying to be sexy.

Yes. And he's like, I'm just laying down here. What's pat pat in the chest. You're getting me all tired right now. Jules. Yeah. Like he's about to whip his peener out. And he's about to frantically masturbate.

Watch it again. Oh, no, I can't. See, I'm half asleep on the couch. You disappointed. You got me wrapped around your finger. Cute. But that's all you're getting. I'm exhausted.

Always with the kisses. Big on those kisses. He's like, and my favorite is the playful laugh. It's like, yeah. It's so cringey. You got me wrapped around your finger. Yeah. I imagine the dialogue being like,

which will fucking strangulate you. I promise. Julie is like, send me another video. Come on, please. Yeah. And he's like, got me wrapped around your finger. He's like, you did that like coy.

Yeah. Like, yeah. Sexy time. That's what I'm saying. Like he's like, she's like, send me another video. Come on, try and bait him probably. And then he was like, all right,

but I'm going to make it sexy. Like this is sexual. This one is like, yeah. Yeah. It's like, oh, I just got home. I don't have a lot left in the tank. I'm all sweaty. But I'm thinking of you too.

And it's dark in there. It's poorly lit. So he's like, I'm just laying in the dock. I feel like those are all things you do to children, not the people you're romantically interested in. What do you mean the children? Go muah, like that to a kid. Not to a girl you're serious about,

like you want to be. Hey, I'd like to take you out sometime. You got me wrapped around your finger. You say it's like a kid. Like I'll do anything for you. To say that to an adult is weird. How did she not vomit? Julia herself also has had fun with this with her friends.

Yes. So that's what we learned is that Julia's friends, you guys have been submitting these hilarious Julia videos. They've been doing sending them to her. So she sent us a cut of that. Accomplish. Good morning, Julia. Good morning, Julia.

Good morning. Good morning, Julia. Morning, Julia. I just want to say good morning, Julia. Ciao, baby. Good night, Joe. There she is. There she is.

There she is. There's Julia. Lovely Julia right there. She's so pretty. That's why Joe... Oh, for those of you just listening, we have Julia. She's giving her. She's giving her kiss and a heart.

I did it more. She's beautiful. And then it says good night to Joe. Ciao, baby. Good night, Joe. What a perfect end to this whole thing. That is great. So for those of you just listening, Julia is blonde.

She's got long blonde hair, brown eyes. Beautiful. She's a beautiful girl. There's a reason Joe followed her into a parking lot. If you were imagining a pig, she is not. No, she's great. She's a sweet, lovely person. That is so funny.

And then here's Joe's next message. That's what he wants to say in this last video, but he dialed it back to like, look at what you've done to me. I miss you, Julia. Look at what you've done to me. What does this say right here? Someone said that their boyfriend mixed up the flower delivery.

He must be cheating with me on his sidekick. Julia, what's this mean? I got a Christmas flower delivery. And I was thinking, wow, it's so beautiful. But who is Julia? This is the kind of man you're getting. Let's go full throttle. Who is Julia?

That's so funny. How hilarious. That's funny. Good morning, Julia. Good morning. All right. Our guest is here. Why don't we step away for a moment and...

Look what you've done to me. Come right back. You got me wrapped around your finger. We'll be right back. Okay. We're back from our break you never heard. And we are joined now by our guest, a friend of ours, a comedian, a podcaster, an actor, a working actor.

That's just one of some of those people go, I'm an actor, a working voiceover actor as well. Mr. Adam Ray, thanks for coming by. I'm pumped to be here. Former Wolverine. Former Wolverine. Is that right? Come on, let's not drop that stat.

I didn't mean to do that. Oh, it's okay, man. A lot of X-Men characters don't get there true. Oh, I thought you were talking about University of Michigan. I'm not bad. Oh, I wish. My mom wishes. Yeah?

Yeah, sports fan. Well, yeah, not that I wasn't a theme park character. That's true. Yeah. The beauty. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. Not the Hollywood Boulevard though, like actually inside the theme park.

In the theme park. And not that I want to knock the guys that cruise the boulevard with like peanut butter shoes and stuff. It's a hard gig, I imagine. Those guys, I think, got it really bad because they're trying to like, at Universal, people know you're supposed to be there. That's right. The boulevard, people are like, all right, Elmo, I was looking to go check out,

you know, Ripley's Believe It or Not, and now you're costing me for six bucks. How many people do you think are thrilled if they're at Hollywood Boulevard to see those people? 01:02:47,960 --> 01:02:49,240 They're like, oh, that's awesome. Because I see people like. That's Elmo. Like, I don't have to go to Sesame Street now.

Yeah, they're kind of. They're delusional. They are. I saw a kid just. They're two delusional types meeting up. They might just cancel each other out and nobody knows what the fuck's going on. I think so. I think they're probably really pumped.

I think a lot of the tourists that go there are just like, they want to soak up every piece of that street. Isn't it exciting hearing this voice in your ear? You know, he's a gravel tourist. So good. Oh, man, that's tequila and weed and just X-Men stories. I feel like I only have this voice after a rough night. You've got a deep voice, though.

You're not a great voice, by the way. I was Adam's when I hear Adam's and the more like that that level of bass he has. There's times where I wake up and I'm like, oh, I should do voice over. He's got that Alec Baldwin kind of deep. Yeah, lemon. Yeah, shit. So wait. So you were like one of those costume people.

And so what's the worst part about that? We prefer a face character. Face character? Yeah, it's OK. Yeah. And did you, I mean, how fucking hot was it? Talk to yourself about free tickets. What's that?

It was hot. It must have been so hot in the summer time. She wore this like spandex, you know, muscly suit with the fake abs, the fake chops, the fake fangs. I actually went in there one summer, my boss who was like a former Disney princess turned head of the characters. I won't say her name on this, Jenna, but she was like kind of the worst. And like, because she kind of took it out like just had a sense of entitlement

and she pulled me in one summer. And and, you know, I look, I could be in better shape. But at this time, I felt like I was in pretty good shape, even for being a fake fucking theme park character. Yeah. And I'm like, you're giving me fake abs. So you're always already telling me I don't got to do a ton of work on my own. But I was fine.

And she pulls me and she goes, hey, so I just, you know, we're we're universal people come in. They want to meet Captain America, Spiderman and Wolverine. I go, yeah, it's awesome, right? Fucking people think that we're the real people. This is crazy. And she goes, yeah, and you are. And so I just, it'd be great if maybe you just took a couple of weeks off

to just firm up a little bit, just tone up, just get those arms really. Wolverine. I'm like, I don't even think that's a real term. Wolverine. He's like, get a little, you know, just jacked up. You seen do Jackman like that? So I'm like, you know that, like the guy who plays Captain America has a bumper sticker on his escalator that says nobody's ugly after 2 a.m.

Right. Like none of us are the real guys. Right. But they just, you know, there was this like, you know, attitude of like these kids think you're, and they did like, and I didn't know shit. Like they would, you know, every other day, like, you know, what's Wolverine's favorite food? And I would always joke about this because I would just be like to make characters laugh.

And they were always chastising me for being trying to be funny. Like Wolverine's not funny because they'd hear me being like, you know, what's Wolverine's favorite food? And I was like, potato salad and shit like that. How long, how long would you have this gig? Maybe four or five years. That's a long time. This was, yeah, this was after 2000.

Because it was a tour guide at Universal Studios first on the tram. That's a cool gig. I like that. I'd make up facts all the time. And this was like when you first got here? Yeah. Yeah. I got here in 2001, went to acting school at USC, and then 2003 myself from here.

I was like, I need a summer job. And so tour guide was cool. And I'm going to, you know, I went with a buddy of mine who wanted to do it. He was like, will you come with me just to the audition? And then he didn't get it. He was like his dream to like tell people that that's jazz. I was like his dream and then he didn't get it. But just so people know who've never been to Universal Studios,

so they take you on a tram. And the tram takes you through all the attractions at Universal. Desperate housewives, Dolly Parton house. The psycho house, the Slair Jaws. I like how I opened with Desperate Housewives. Come to Universal Studios and see where Terry had you for eight blowjobs. Who gives a shit right? Did you, did you get like?

That's what I would say on the tour too. Who gives a shit? At E.T., the E.T. ride at Slair. That was big. And the wild, no, not the wild. There was, you know, the tank where Kramer swam in Seinfeld. What else? Do they prep you all?

What about the Red Sea? Wait, how long do they prep you? Do they prep you? It was a three week training course. They give you a binder. And I was in a fraternity in college at the time. So I'd lock myself in my frat during parties and memorize, you know, hours of material

because you had to know all the facts for the certain stops. And then if you got stalled in the summertime, like backed up, chances to get like six deep and you'd be waiting to go into the earthquake. You got five deep. So you'd have video clips before they brought in video clips to play. You had to just have stall material. So that's when I would start doing standup

and doing like beds and just trying to be like, when do you flex some of this open mic material on this? And, you know, some of it will go over well. I love, by the way, the journeys of people, like all of us have it, that try to do showbiz. Don't you like looking back and be like, I was a universal tour guy. Oh, yeah.

I was funny, Wolverine. Yeah. Like all these different stops. I was a cop too. I hosted the Fear Factor live show there, got projectile vomited on, said what the fuck in front of 1,200 kids? Oh, wow.

My boss chewed me out. I was like, what are you doing? 1,200 kids. I got vomited on. Yeah. What do you want me to say? Is that all you got? Bring it on.

He's like, you fucking said, what the fuck? 1,200 kids. And it was something to do because like, it's such bullshit stunts. You're like, all right, when these guys, we're going to put them up on these flat beams. And when I say go, and then the sound effect goes, go-goosh, the bottom drops out.

And then put their attach to this wire. So I'm like, but they're attached to a wire. And I started improvising one time I go, so there's no real danger involved. So what are we actually doing here? And my boss is like, you can't keep vamping on the script. And so they would drop.

And they're hanging. And then it's just like, who can hang the longest without freaking out? But then they have to eat actually a Fear Factor concoction like they were on the show. And it'd be like, I don't know, beaver twats and pickle juice and old milk. And this one guy just projectile vomited on me.

And I'm literally facing the crowd. I go, come on, everybody, let's pump up the fear. Whatever the bullshit, give it up for Steve. And then you just, I remember turning back to him. And he just looked at me and just that was it. And I was like, what the fuck, man? And I heard half gasp and half laughter. So that lasted for a couple months.

Can I ask you though, how much do you make doing the Tram? 52.50 a show for the Fear Factor show. That's good. So it's certain guys. That's actually really good. Certain guys would do five or six shows a day and kill it. Blues brother, the Blues Brothers guys, were making like 55 a show.

Wolverine was like 22.50 an hour. It's like an emcee. Like as an emcee at the club. Yeah, really learning. The tour guy was shit though. And that's why I was like, I gotta get promoted to Wolverine. How much for the Tram? The Tram host.

I'm curious about the Tram. Because that actually is quite a skill. It is. That should have been the most, but like you have to accumulate a certain amount of hours to get a pay bump. So I think when I started, it was like 8.50 an hour. What?

Which by the way, four hours shows a day. No, that's not enough for that. And three week training. And then it, I mean it was bonkers. God damn abuse is what it is. And also I was like making it pretty fun. There's a lot of tour guys who just do the bare minimum and they do the written jokes.

Like, you know, for the Jaws like, oh, Steve. Hey guys, wave to our friend, Steve. And they're like, wait, Steve, get out. Oh, well, I guess this will be his last swim. But I would like actually stand up, take my sunglasses off, freak the fuck out. I'm at a girl cry on like my third tour because like fucking dumb acting student.

First out of college, I'm like, this is an acting exercise. Sure, sure. And I committed. And I was like, there's a fucking shark in there. And she started bawling. I haven't been as a universal in teams. It should go. I want to see it again, I know.

They got a Harry Potter world there now. Oh, and did you go to SC? Yeah. Oh, so you're trolling? That's hard to get into that school for acting. I mean, yeah. So I auditioned for, because you know, my SAT scores were shit.

I had a pretty good GPA, some extracurricular stuff. But then, and then when I went to the admissions people, they were like really prey on that Jew stuff. They didn't say it like that. I'm paraphrasing. But they were like, you know, diversity and all that. And, and then I wanted, you know, I wasn't totally sure if I wanted to do full on,

because in the BFA, which I was in. You Jew motherfucking you. You got a lot of Jews on this show. You know. Oh, rabbi? Yeah. How'd you get my rabbi sound bite? From the end of my bar mitzvah.

Oh, wow. That's how it ended. But he's like, that's life. Yeah. Send you up for life. Send you a man. He goes, congrats. Give it up for this Jew motherfucking Jew motherfucker.

Yeah. My aunt goes, I knew that YG's name. And so, and so I auditioned because they were like, you have a better chance. If you get into the acting school, then they'll tell the school you have to take them because we're taking them. So the BFA is like, you know,

class from nine to six, better teachers, more. It's just a more rigorous program, you know. And so auditioning for that. And then I got in and got in. And because I don't think I would have otherwise. The mean average for the SAT. Dude, the SAT average. I think my incoming freshman class was like 15, 20.

Oh no. Mine was like 11, 10. Still good, man. Is it? I mean, it's like five times. I was like, Kat is too kitten as Fig Newton is to futon. I'd be like, probably futon. Yeah.

Yeah. No. 01:11:33,080 --> 01:11:33,800 I was stupid. 01:11:33,800 --> 01:11:34,760 It was a dumb, dumb. Fucking those. I second guess myself all the time.

Me too. I'm getting my head and put all the pressure on. Yeah. That's terrible. I just think the Jews are great. You're killing it with those men. I don't think you should stop doing it. I don't know.

Your fingers always in the right place. Do you know, do you know about this Joe Julius stuff? Do you know about this? No. I know about your Garth stuff, which is maybe like, and this is why you guys are so prolific and incredible. Let's check it on his Instagram. Go ahead.

And the clips you post of them are just so spot on. And I love like the worst. And some people, it just like, as soon as you post it, I was like, I get exactly what you're talking about. The guys just, and eventually what's so great about it, I don't see it stopping anytime soon. You're going to get him in here. Oh, I hope so.

I swear to God, you're going to get him in here. I guarantee he's a fan of comedy. Who knows what he likes. He could be a big carrot top guy or like, maybe he's like, that Bonnie Hunt show needs to come back. You know what I mean? But he does not, he doesn't like being made fun of, I'm sure. Because we've been relentless.

Well, yeah. Relentless. Look at these things. So the comments are listener taken over his comments. Like, I don't mean like one or two. Like I'm saying of these like 3,000 right here. Are they trolling them? Hard.

Oh boy. It's all our fans. Well, that's what you get from being the biggest selling act of all time. I know. Right? I know. Like if you're going to be that big, dude.

You got to roll with that. The YouTube comments are probably a plenty. You know, like a show. Just roll with it. Roll with it, man. Isn't that one of his songs? Roll with trolling or what? Here are the comments on his latest post.

Top comment, does miss you or eat the scrum? That's from this show. Oh my God. Look at these comments. Hashtag try it out. Yes, you got to. Everything that you see in this house I built, Julia. That's the kind of man you're getting.

Full throttle jeans up. This is all why I'm ancient. It makes your erection. The erection lasts so much longer, especially during anal. Well, that's just like you learn that in the fifth grade. So that's just like people are obviously explaining to people. They're like, it's from a podcast. What time is it?

In comment conversations or maybe some of the best things the internet provides, you know, where people then who don't know each other like, dude, I'll tell you what's going on. I know this. This person said, I'm a fan of both. And so torn and pretty sad. Wait, so Garth, do you think one day you're just going to be reading these comments and all of a sudden you're just going

to see below like and rock 29. You're just going to see Garth knows 62. Like, you know, I don't find this shit that funny. Oh yeah. He's going to hear. He's got somebody. Do you think that's how he's going to integrate his say? Somebody on the marketing team has definitely been like, look.

Of course, you guys are too big for him to not know that this is happening. And at least they're probably like a couple assholes. Just let it go. You know that's how they're breaking it down. For sure. For sure. And I'd like to say this.

We have no ill will towards Garth. We're just having fun. Yeah, it's all in fun. What it is to it's a great example and like, dude, don't take yourself so seriously. Especially when you're a country rock music superstar. When I saw Celine Dion in Vegas, and I've always said that sentence a couple of times out loud.

And I think you should limit it. You should limit it. My buddy had tickets when I was out there for that, this Vegas comedy festival, which was crazy because the night before I'd gambled with a sickler and Josh Adam Myers and Bert Kreischer. And we'd all, we were playing roulette. Bert didn't remember it, which is insane because he instigated. It's weird.

It's all like him. He instigated us winning all a ton of cash. We put down, I think a hundred. It was like, let's put on a hundred before whatever on black. And then we won. And then we're like, oh yeah. And then Bert just looks at everybody and goes, let it ride. Let it ride.

And we're like, yeah, we did it again. One again. Did that five times. And one? Yeah. And then sickler and I were like, I mean, maybe we should fucking step away at this point. Like that's some extra cash.

Yeah. And then he said, let it ride one more time. Bert is the most racist, fat comedian. That's true. He let it ride again and won and then left. And then, uh, and then the next day we were like, dude, I'm gonna sit on my breakfast. And I was like, hey man, thanks for that extra laundry money.

And he was like, we talking about. I was like, let it ride your catchphrase of the night. And he was like, man, I just rugging. I don't even. Black and that's good. It's usually a sign. But it was so fun. But so the next time my buddy is like, I'm supposed to go to

Celine Dion with my, um, with my wife and she's sick. He's like, do you want to go? I was like, I don't know, man. He goes, I got a blunt. I was like, that sounds fun. So we go. We were like fifth row. First of all, she's unbelievable.

But it's one of those Vegas acts and one of these artists that has done probably hundreds of thousands of shows that she, um, she's like, hey man, this is also an opportunity for me to spread my wings comedically. And, uh, I hate to use Caesars as a giant open mic and pump out a little standard material, Celine style. She was like, every opportunity was a song. She's like in between two.

And she'd be like, this is my backup. My backup guitar player Juan. He's been with me for 20 years. He's been with me for 20 years. He's been with me for 20 years. And I'm like, was this on the set list? What the fuck's going on? And then she came out in a yellow dress at one point

and she goes, look at me. I'm so yellow. I'm so yellow. I'm so yellow, yellow. And I'm just like in the back like no one's disputing the color. What the fuck. And then she just goes, I'm like, and then stops and does like a turn to the camera and goes, I'm like,

Celine Dijon and everybody lost their fucking minds, including me, because I reached like the peak high. And I was like, I'm not above a good condiment joke. Yeah, that's good. And, uh, but every, and then she'd talk for 20 minutes and then she go, they're in my ear being like, pick it up, pick it up. You're doing too much stand up.

She would call it stand up. Oh my gosh. And then she'd go into my heart, we'll go on, or that's the way it is. And you just forget about everything she just done, you know. It's an amazing show. Unbelievable. My heart will go on.

She's elevating. There's fake rain. Thought it was fake. Looked pretty real to me. Maybe the Wii was great, but she's just. How does she fucking fly? How does she sing without the accent? Oh yeah.

That's a really big question. I should have, I should have raised my hand and asked that. But I think you do that. I think it went away when you sing. Now I've heard that. I think they have to train themselves. They train the accent out when they sing. Because you can't hear it.

Yeah. Yeah, no they do. You can't hear it in the singing. I know radio people train accents. You can train it out. Yeah, you hear other British pop singers will sound no accent in their song. So weird.

Garth's accent stays pretty consistent though, doesn't it? Oh that'll get free. Does she do a little bit of, you know, riffing in between? I don't know. You guys been to a show? No, somebody offered me this though. They said, they said, if you were given tickets.

Would you go? And if you enjoyed it, would you admit it? And I was like, I have to say yes to both. Yeah. Of course, I would go. I would go. I would say that I had a good time if I did. Yeah.

I wouldn't go into like a sour pose. So I would be like. No. Because look, he's an entertainer. Yeah. It's not that, look, we're not ripping on his music. No, or his talent. Also don't you get curious about people that tour to that size

of an audience? Like even the Wiggles, I'm like, what are they doing that I'm not doing? Of course. You know, by the way, the sleep thing that makes me realize. If you're super famous and a singer, they all do this. Because it's your fans, you get to see what their real sense of humor is like.

And you get to see who is legit funny. Because the audience will laugh at whatever. Yeah. Well, that's what happened with Celine. Yeah. Celine Dijon on paper. That ain't great. But it's good.

She doesn't. It's all right. It is good. But I mean. It just was angry. But I mean, all that between the song, like. That they all do. Yes.

I've been to shows where you're like, I wish you would just sing the next fucking song. And then there's legit, I'm sure, you know, people who are pretty funny. I bet Dolly Parton's pretty funny. Oh, she's the best. Yes. Yes.

I bet Mumford and Sons not. But I bet Dolly is. I bet Dolly is the best, though. She can't do normal. There's nobody better than Dolly Parton. Now, do you think she's a lesbian? Oh, no. There's stories floating that she's been married the same guy

the whole life. She has forever. But that's kind of weird. Wasn't that a Jeopardy question? This lesbian wants to. This lesbian. You've never heard this, though, that she has a, like, Jolene was written about,

some woman that she loved or something? I don't know enough Dolly stuff. Dolly knows someone who's very close with, or very informed of Dolly. So I could ask. Who is? I don't want to say. Oh, OK.

I'd like to know the truth. Let's find this out. OK. We'll find out. She also seems like one of those journey, you know, artists that's just like done it all, seen it all, could have stories where it's like, this one time I was on a flight to Burbank,

we ended up in Mongolia. Next thing you know, I'm sizzering a couple, you know, you know, ESL students, you know, and you're just like, all right, that's rock and roll lifestyle. She's rad. I saw her in Atlanta once in the airport in Atlanta. Cool.

Did you go out to her? No. When you see famous people, do you? Yeah. No, I leave them. I would only ever, ever do it to one person, which is Howard Stern, because I love Howard Stern. I fucking love you for saying that.

Because that's who I would do it to. Really? I would never bother. Even though I've done it to the Goo Goo Dolls, but. Oh, no, the guy that played Ernie, Ernie, Ernie, Ernie, Ernie, Ernie, I did take a picture with him, because I feel metal jacket. All year, all year.

That's fucking amazing. You asked some peace. Yeah. Semper fi. I wouldn't bother like Brad Pitt. I don't give a fuck about. No. I don't care about.

I told, I did that interview with Larry King, and he was like, oh, yeah. Who are you like? Have you ever been starstruck? And I was like, yeah, by rappers. And he was like, what? And I was like, that's literally, I go out running. What's a rapper?

I mean, I think, I think a candy rapper. I think some athletes are cool. Like where I've been like, oh, you know, I love sports, so I've been like, but I don't think I'd be like, like maybe Jordan would make me do that, because no, no. I mean, I would be like, that's cool. Yeah.

Greg Luganis. For sure. I mean, dude, you swam with it. But I feel like if it were, or I know that I've, I've been actually at a loss for words with different rappers that I've just run into in places, because that's just, I feel like it's more rooted in childhood, you know, nostalgia,

and you're like this person defined an era for me. And I think it kind of freaked out by it. Well, your Tyson story is like one of the greatest stories that's ever been. Thank you. Thank you. Happened and, you know. That was crazy.

Broken down. Also, the amount of layers to that story is just like, I remember the first time I heard you say that the ice house before you taped it. And I was just like, I can't even believe, like when it should have maybe stopped, I was like, there's more to this. Yeah.

It was wild, right? Yes. Did you have to? And you know what the layer, the layer of it that I ended up telling the, the condensed version. No, I ended up telling the follow-up story because I realized that the story ends

with a phone hanging up. Like that's how the bit ends. So that's how the special ends. Yes. And people would always be like, did you ever, did you ever, did you ever show up? Yes. And he did.

And so I would tell that story. Great. It took you a little bit to go, oh, I need to add that to it. Yeah. Well, what happened was, since it was at the end of a special, what I realized was like, everyone's asking me about that story. And I was like, well, I know, I could tell you

the rest of the story. So I put that as a bonus on that. Oh, great. But then the thing that happened that really doesn't get the attention because of the way it is, but I put it on Instagram because that's the only place I knew to share it. I get a year later a photograph that this guy,

multiple photographs. And he was like, so I was at the airport in Pittsburgh. And the story that I tell was about being on a flight from LA to Pittsburgh. He's like, check this out. And it's these photographs and Tyson is posing with people and it's coming off that flight. And he's holding my DVD.

So it like really tied it all. Oh. You know, it was kind of cool. Whoa, legitimized it. On Instagram, people were like, oh, this Photoshop. I'm like, no, I just gave it to him. Like it's like the thing I just gave him. Yeah, yeah.

So you see him like holding it, which I always thought was, you know, a trip, right? Yes. Like actually, yeah. And it totally validates the story. But yeah, I mean, meeting, you know, him was insane. Jordan, I feel like would be way less personable, but I would still be like, I wouldn't know what to say to him.

Yeah. I'm trying to think of like anybody else. I met Kim Deal of the Pixies and lost my fucking mind. But you forced me to go up to her. I never would have. You're like, go up to her, go up to her. I knew what it meant to her. I knew what it meant to her.

So I was like, should I say, because if it would have been like that's somebody from that band and I know she doesn't care. Yep. But when I, when she was like, oh my God, Kim Deal, I see her like rocking like it's like a crazy person. I was like, yes, you should. I go, you never get this. And she was so nice to me.

She was a nice. She picked her teeth. She picked her teeth as she talked to me. 01:24:06,920 --> 01:24:09,960 She was like, I had a sitting outside diner. She was like, yeah. She was like, what? I'm gonna take a picture.

I started again. And I was like, yeah. Hold on. And she was so nice. She was so nice. But I mean, no, she was like, I'm doing a show. Yeah. Okay, who else?

So first of all, most importantly, who's got a bigger dong, Shaq or Jordan? Go ahead, Adam. Wow. Well, I was told by someone who met Jordan once that his hands are, oh, like, is that, that seemed like I was going to be like, that Jordan's got the car. Yeah, I thought you were going to tell me.

No, what, that his hand is like gigantic. Gigantic. So I feel like, I mean, it's usually right. People go, what's that? I shoot you. Yeah. He must be fucking with that penis, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Which isn't always true, though. I mean, as a dick detective, I can say that is not 100% true. I mean, I'll tell you this. No, you're right. We got the opening theme. Oh my God. We study them.

We know these things. No, but you know what I'm saying? We got it all started because she was like, one time she was like, well, that guy's really tall. So he's got a huge dick. I go, I don't think that's always the case. Yeah. Left in little dude.

I haven't seen short guys with big dicks. I have not seen that. I've got a few pictures in the house. So yeah, there's definitely short guys. My, my co-host Bradley Williams attests that he, you know, is, he's a little guy packing. Okay. But also, you know, the small, the small hands and everything,

like pretty sure it's bigger. But, but I think with the big hand thing, I don't know. I think there was some truth to that, but also Shaq like, I just can't imagine that that thing doesn't also act as like an extra leg at some point. Even if it's, he can have a large dick that is not proportionate to how big he is. Oh yeah. And you would think that's a small dick.

Yeah. Because he's such a. Proportionate. They go see it and they go, well. Right. I'm saying an eight inch dick on him. Eight inches is definitely well above average. You're fine.

Yeah. And then get into a lot of. On him, you'd be like, what's that thing? You got, you need tweezers? What's going on over there? But it's actually a deep, you know. So, but I'm asking you guys, who do you think's got a bigger? That's right.

You ask Shaquille or Jordan. I mean, Jordan's a great, I mean, Jordan globalized the sport. So I feel like his dick probably even just grew from just like the world recognizing. Thank you for what you're doing for the sport. The natural, the universe. The universe. Big dick energy infested him. I don't know if that's Neil deGrasse Tyson type shit or like, yeah, but he,

maybe it's the secret, right? 01:26:33,800 --> 01:26:40,360 But just be like, if I take Gatorade to China, maybe my cockle follow suit, I don't know. Yeah. Right. But I think just being the greatest, I feel like he's got to be. I think so too. Right.

I'm talking about stature. I'm going to go, but you said Shaquille. You said you know somebody that saw Shaquille's. So, you know, well, there's stories of like hoes who are like, he ain't got all that. Yeah. Well, yeah, but also video hoes and stuff. Oh, really? Yes.

Ho videos. Hoes videos are like his digging all that. You'd think like, do they just know, is it like leaving, leaving his house or is them just posting on Instagram? They've even written about it. Wow. Yeah. Is there a book?

Like tell alls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I mean, you know, these are. That's a bold move, by the way, to write a book after like fucking Shaq. But if you're a ho, you're a straight up ho. That ain't that big. Yeah. Like how many chapters is that?

I wanted my uterus to fall out. Nothing happened, you know. Jesus. Yeah, that could have. Now, hands, you know, the story in the NBA now is a, what's his name? Kwame Leonard. Am I saying it? Kwame Leonard.

Kwame Leonard. Yeah. His hands. Have you seen the stories about that? No. So, he was like in some photo, like after, you know, they have to work out sometimes all and people are like, what the fuck is going on with his hands? Turns out he has the largest hands in the NBA right now.

Dang. And he's a big guy. Yeah. But there's guys that are bigger and it's unnatural, man. And it actually for sure affects the way you shoot, handle the ball, read about. Dude, look at that. I want to see if I can find this photo. You'll be like, oh, shit, that is.

You know, I'm sorry. I'm going into the roll of decks of decks of my past. Jesus, we're back to the decks. And I'm thinking. I'm trying to think of the hands, the hand to dig ratio. And I think you're right. It's it's not the hand to dig rate. It's not the hand.

It's not. It's a general overall stature. Do you think swagger can give girls that there's a. First of all, education that no. Look at this NDA regulation basketball. Sweet. Yeah. It's a maze big.

I mean, his hands are huge. Oh my God. How do girls size up like from a dude, whether they can try to get an idea? Like, is that even a thing? I don't know. I don't think he smells pretty good. It's got to be. Is that cool water?

No. Tiny dick or like. I've been surprised. They're guys who I thought, oh, surely this is going to be a big dong. And it's just it's not all backwards hat. Like you just find something to even yourself. This is what got it going. You want to mess Jersey under his tux.

This is what got the story going. This guy here. Like you don't see that there's actually. Like a ball. Basketball in his hands. He's just holding it. That's crazy. And you're like, wait, what?

What's going on there? And yeah, it's like. Yeah, yeah, that's got to that's got to mean something, right? Yeah, I mean, no, but still it's. But then there's guys like Muggsy Bogues, where you're like, you know, wait, so I got distracted by the dicks. Yeah, you saying that you've you've seen hands like you're like, all right, these are going to be going in the roll of decks of dicks.

Right, right, hold on. Let's give it a couple of thousands of hours. And the thing is, is that it's a podcast. Hold on. You have Christine in a second to think about all the sticks. OK, by the way, I want that to be the song they play people up to when they give the eulogies in my funeral. Yes, as they walk like they're like, all right.

And now here's Mr. Tang in his eighth grade P.E. coach. Adam was a sweet boy. It was going to deepen your voice and have it sound like you've been smoking 10 packs a day for 40 years and have your breath smell just the worst. And then teach us to shoot underhand free throws under. I'm going through my roll decks and I'm telling you that there have been shockers where I've been like this guy will have an average one. In that moment, you're like, oh, this will be a normal guy.

The guy builds his average. It's like a tall lean and then it'll be like underwhelming, like highly underwhelming. I've had that. I've had modest, like really insecure guys who are tall and not no swagger, but you're like, that one's got a big one. Whoa, just because you so unassuming about it. He was kind of meek, but big stature tall.

But then that one was big. That one guy, that is the biggest one. And then did you, now that big one, just in time for the holidays, but that big one though, you suspected it would be? No. What's what we're talking about? Well, that's the thing I, you know, you always hope. Here's the thing.

It's like, it is like Christmas. Always hope. You always hope. You always want the best gift. That's right. Nobody goes like, oh, I hope like, you know, my best friend gets the Barbie princess car. You're like, no, I want that.

Right. That's the thing is you're always hoping it's gonna, you never, you really don't know. It's a crab shoot every time. I'm just saying that there's, when I look back, really, there really is no formula. Yeah. It's kind of like, and so, you know what I was,

But you're saying actually you're making the point that you can't. It's irrespective. Yeah. Yeah. Irregardless. Do you make a noise if you are like under, like, is there a, oh no. No, no. But I've had, I've had.

That's the best moment in porn. Oh geez. Yeah. You know, it's reveal when there are light. It is. Oh stop. You know what's the most disappointing? The most disappointing penis I've had though.

When they're real short and fat. Really? Personally, it's not my jam. Wait, if the, if the dick is short and fat? Yeah. What about, but tell the story of the, I can't do it. What? The I can't, you're like, this is too big.

That is not. That is a story. Babe, it was, it was not because of his dick size. I thought you told me that it was like, you're like, this is too big, this will be damaging. It wasn't because of that. Oh. No, it was because I wasn't kind of, I wasn't into it.

Like, because it looked like it was going to fucking destroy you. That's gotta be a thing. I would feel like if I see one that's that big. Yeah. And that's like, and you're, you're in that world of like, this is going to be a part of my evening. And then all of a sudden, it's almost like, if you go to a restaurant and you're like,

let me get this size of steak. And they bring a real big one. You're like, I don't know if I can eat all that. Now wait a minute. There's some real equipment out there. But can I tell you? I've seen videos where I'm like, if I was a chick and that thing pulled out, I might be like.

Oh, there was a guy. Hold on, because I forgot about that one. Uh-oh. Because I never, we never did it, but I did see it. You know, but that guy was small. That guy was a stature. You would never freaking know. He was a poor raking guy.

He was short. Oh. And wait, so. Yeah, we never fucking know. I don't know. Your racism made you not do it. It's the name of your next special. I mean, why wouldn't you do this?

No, you know why? Because I was, I was too sensitive. Honestly, it's because I'm not that kind of girl. I couldn't do it. No, I couldn't. I was trying to have a one night stand. That's what I was trying to do. And I, I'd never done it before.

You were my first one night stand. You know that. So I ended up fucking marrying the one guy that I tried to do. Oh my gosh. I'm terrible. But you had, so you're trying to have the one night stand. Were there at least some booze involved? Like, are you?

Of course. I'm drunk. Yes. And then you're like, you still go. And I was like, I can't do this. This is not for me. How did he handle that? Not well.

Of course not. Didn't like it as mad. And I was like, fuck you. I mean, you know what I'm saying? Like I'm the woman. I called the shots. Did he try to course you and like be like, well, maybe we just need to play a game or something.

How about just, that's usually when you hear just the tip. Did you hear that a lot that night? Oh yeah. Not that night, but there was another Puerto Rican guy that tried that shit with me. How many Reacons have you, how many Reacons? Wait, so. From the producers of Dick, Dick, Tech, F comes.

How many Reacons? So there was this other Puerto Rican guy, and I did not do it with him, but he did try to judge the tip me. I swear it to God. Oh, what? When you're Puerto Rican, you're just Puerto Rican. Okay.

It was during, I was like, college, this is like around junior year. Yeah. And this guy did try to do it. He goes, no, no, come on. Just, and I was like, do you have a condo? I'm not going to have sex with you. Like, and he's like, no, no, no.

And I was like, no, no, no, dude. And this was the nineties when like, they play like AIDS is rampant. This is a different Puerto Rican guy. And how far did you get though? I did not. I didn't let him fuck me because we didn't have anything. But I mean, you get, don't you get started

before you get there? We're making out. You're making out. And then he's like, come on. And then he's like trying to talk me into it. And I was like, no, bro. Cause this is the nineties. Like I said, I was very nervous about STDs

and fucking AIDS and shit. They're just a tip. Yeah. You didn't say just a tip. You didn't say that phrase, but it was that just the tip thing. Just the top part. Yeah. Just come on.

Let me just, let me just. Just your rethra. Yeah. Just feel that. I got a great rethra. Yeah. Why is the tip always been so like, is that the best part?

Is that like, we're like, No, because he thinks if he can get in. Of course. A centimeter in. If you do the tip, you'll want the rest of it. Oh yeah. That's what it is. Wow.

You're just seeing who's agreeable. Cause if you go, come on, just a tip. And the girl's like, all right. You're like, she's down. She just wanted. Right. She just wanted a little pushback on it. Right.

Right. But your girl is very paranoid of disease. And I couldn't do it. Just Amy, come on. And you're like, you fucking shit. That's rude. That's racist. I didn't.

That's your voice. That's not just like you, Christina. That's not it. I know I'm a raspy. I lost my voice this weekend. Mother fucker. Yeah. That's rude.

That's very rude. Inconsiderate. He's right there. Yeah. That's so rude. Do you want to know where I saw some crazy dicks recently? This is insane. And I posted on Instagram and Instagram took it down.

Upgraded myself to a little first class seating. Right. Nice. And always comfy on Delta. Got the hot towel. Got the weird cookie. And there's a guy two rows in front of me. And it's dark.

It's a night flight. All of a sudden I see him on his iPad scrolling through. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Phone. And I just kind of like look over. And also I'm just like, oh, those are dicks. Oh, those are scrolling.

Those are butts and dicks. Oh, my gosh. Oh, those are butts taking dicks. Those are boobs. And this guy's just going through. I was watching porn on an airplane. Oh, this dude in the front row of the thing. So like, and he's just filing through as if he's got all these.

What? It's a gay person. He had a wife right next to him. Oh, what? And she was, I don't know what's ethnicity, but she had a big garb on. And he's scrolling through all these saved videos. And at first it's just like black people fucking.

And then it's like just dicks. There's old men walking around flopping dicks. It was a whole grab bag of like. Where are you? Are you seeing it? I'm in third row, second row. And he's in first row to the left. And I'm on the right.

He's at the window. He's on the aisle first row. Isle. And I'm right behind him on the aisle. So I'm like diagonal. So I'm like. And I'm just like, what is happening? This dude's just casually.

Casually scrolling through like he's looking at menu items of the cheesecake factory. Is that what you're doing when you're next to me on your iPhone? Looking at fucking. And he would stop on the weirdest videos. And then all of a sudden. No, I would never be up. I'm not see.

I'm too paranoid and to. I'm too private and personal to do something like that publicly. I'll look at crazy shit alone, but never in a public space. But I'll just be too paranoid. Yeah. No. Also, like, what if like the store?

Is it just all of a sudden? Fuck yeah, man. You're so in your porn world. No, I would never. You want coke? You want a drink? Because I wouldn't want the public shaming. No, you know, obviously, like.

She'd have to say something or he, right? Well, they should. They kicked off for that. You should. You should. Yeah. Come on. You're sitting there.

What if there's kids in the fucking. Why? I took a video posted it on Instagram. And good for you. And people are posting. Yeah. And because I was like, you know, and I even took like a little picture of this guy

and was going to add that to it. And then, but Instagram took the video down after about 10 minutes. Really? That fast. Tons of comments. So people will just. I mean, a lot of people will be like,

this is gross. Why'd you post this? Oh, you still have it on your phone, by the way? Oh, yeah. Oh, you got to show it to me. Of course. Yeah, let's see it. I love to see it.

Dick's in Butts on Plains. I love how quick I was like, oh, of course. Yeah. Dick's in Butts on Plains. Dick's in Butts on Plains. It's your next hour title. Do you know about the movie Tiptoes? No.

Have you heard about it? No. Is Kevin Bacon in it? No. But there's some big names in it. Is it an 80s or 90s movie? Early 2000s? Early 2000s.

Great. Educate me. Gary Oldman's in it? Love Gary Oldman. I mean, it doesn't get better than that. Doesn't. Unless Gary Senees is in it, too. The Garry's.

The Garry's. Is there a movie that's just got all Garry's in it? Should be. Dude, that's a really good question. The Garry's. And who are the great Garry's? Matthew McConaughey's in it. Love that.

Gary Garry O'Terry. Garry O'Terry. Is it a gay porn star? Gary Oldman. I just want to, I think we have, this is pretty exciting. I'm sorry I'm pulling this up. How did you become fascinated with this flick? Because I didn't think it was real.

Those are the best. We haven't even watched the movie. We've just seen the trailer. The trailer doesn't seem real. And the trailer is real. Love that. Somebody made this. The studio invested a lot of money.

Well, you have McConaughey. How's Brad doing? Brad Williams is your podcasting partner for those of you who don't know. Yes. What's your show called? The About Last Night Podcast.

01:39:34,680 --> 01:39:35,800 Which we need to get you on. I would love to. Make that happen. Maybe in the new year, right? Yeah, I'd love to. Okay, so here's, this is a real trailer. Because I know you're going to be like, what?

This doesn't seem real. It's so good. By the way, I love movie trailer. Carol and Steven's life together was perfect. I've got to get going. Wait a second. Yeah, like... Hey, baby.

Hey, sweetie. A blowjob? I love you. There's one small problem. Hi, I'm Ron. I'm his brother. We're twins. It can tear them apart.

I think you're going to let me know that everyone in your family is a midget. They're not midgets, Carol. They're dwarfs. Whatever. Or bring them together. Hey, welcome. I'm Steven.

There you are. This is Steven's father, Bruno. And his mom, Kathleen. And over behind the bar is Steven's brother, Ron. All right, buddy. You could have prepared us for this, don't you think? If you embarrass me, I'll never speak to you again. So just get it together.

I think maybe I'm pregnant. Oh my god. When the going gets rough, it's only the size of your heart that counts. Is that big of a deal if our kid was a dwarf? You knocked up this great girl and you didn't tell her that her baby's probably going to be lit.

Is he doing a dwarf voice? We are so cute and cuddly. Don't discriminate against us. Did Bridget the Midget have to change his name? Can you replay this and let me do the trailer for it? Yes. By the way, how bad is the voice over? So bad.

This guy doesn't affect. 01:41:01,640 --> 01:41:02,840 He's barely reading copy. He's just like, McConae's in it, then the midget shows up, Beckinsale's freaked out. She doesn't know if she can suck off a guy whose brother's with the midget.

But I'm saying the VO for the trailer. Yes. He's like, they didn't know what would happen next. Like it has a very not for... Sounds like he was auditioning for the part. They're like, we might give it to you. Hey, do we have any of the demos from the auditions? Just tie it.

Line it up. We're not going to hire a real guy. If you do. I thought these parties got a little wild. I never expected this. There's sure a lot of midgets around here. Back off, Goldie Hog. My man can do what he wants to do.

I'm ready for an adult relationship. What is this man doing in Huvadro? Oh, dude. Matthew McConaughey, Gary Oldman. Hot tubs and midgets. I mean... Was that the alternate title? A Walk Down the Isle.

Oh yeah, this guy sounds like he demoed like a T-Mobile employee. He has bad. Yes. Where he's like, when you show up to the store after five, remember to put the cases back where you found them. McConaughey's heart, let's hope it's big enough to keep this marriage going.

That's exactly it. And here's his... Beckinsale's in it too. She's great. You're like, okay. Now he's just giving personal... Here's his... Here's the final...

Can you believe Oldman's A Little Man? The final title. Can now please send Langley Productions proudly present command performances from Kate Beckinsale, Matthew McConaughey. Nope, Patricia... McConaughey. And in the role of a lifetime, Gary Oldman.

That's one way of... role of a lifetime. Holy shit. Does Brad know about this? Oh, I wish we would have played it for him when he was here. We loved it. It was after he...

Oh, my God. Do you think... Wait a minute. Did Bridget the Midget have to change her name to Bridget the Little Person? You mean now? Yeah. That's a good question.

I don't know. Wait a minute. How do you think... Now, do you think in the pitch meeting, McConaughey's like, So look, I'm very excited for this new movie. Like, you guys... Like, you know, I've been loving to work

with Beckinsale at some point. Right? Oldman, John Fan. No bigger fan of Oldman than McConaughey. Yeah. And they go, We're gonna send McConaughey for the trailer. We'll talk about it.

I've never heard it pronounced that way either. It's not McConaughey. Right? That was different. No. Jean. Oh, you can't really see it, but I can see it here.

Wait, so what's... I mean, are you gonna have a viewing party because I need to know, does Oldman rip him apart? Because Kate's like, I don't know. Didn't she say at one point like, I don't know if I can go through with this?

Yes. Because they're about to get married. They're about to. But then all of a sudden, Dwarf Oldman shows up and throws a curveball into McConaughey's dick. But she gets preggers. Oh, jeez.

And then she's like, am I gonna have a dwarf baby? Yeah. Is that a concern? Yeah, that's a major concern. Whoa, this is like very anti-Dwarf. Yeah. Kind of feels like it.

It kind of is. It's a, yeah, like this. You can make this movie now. Here's the trivia. Also, Dinklage is in it, so it's a good thing you didn't show it to Brad. Oh, my God. Because that's like true nemesis for him.

Oh, really? I didn't do that. Wait, for real? For real? Oh, yeah. We troll him on Twitter and Brad. Why? I don't know.

I thought he was like their... God? Yeah. Is that why? Maybe. Yeah. It's maybe it's one of those things where he was like, I think Brad's people are too.

He's like, he looks up to the oomps, the oompa looms. So people are like, Dinklage is your guy. And he's like, don't tell me I live my life. He likes the frivolous. Yes. Don't tell me who I have to idolize. I like that. Yeah, I agree.

But also I feel like maybe, and Dinklage gets a lot of parts, I think that Brad would like. Oh, sure. Here's some of the trivia right now on IMDB for Tiptoes. Oh. Director Matthew Brite was fired

after he turned in his cut. The whole film was then re-edited. Wait a second. That's a great moment. Where he plays it for everybody and they just go, do you think it's immediate? Were they watching it at the end? And Oldman, the last line,

let's just hypothesize. Oldman just goes, so I guess I'll just grab my shoes and leave. McConaughey goes, sorry, but we're going to have a baby. And he goes, fine, fuck you, credits. And then he just turns around and goes, you're fired. You're fired. And then this is the good version. This is the version.

This was Rhea. And Peter Dinklage said that the original director's cut, which screened in Austin, was gorgeous. But the people who fired Matthew Brite ruined the movie. Who re-cut it? Like what's that? I don't know. Because I'd love to see what else he did.

Did he do like fried green tomatoes or? See, good point. Now that I see this again, the trailer, they're trying to make it into like a rom-com, like a comedy. And I have a feeling the way that it was shot was probably more respectful of Dwarves and of the story. And then they were like, hey, you got to make this for the

general audience. Yeah, let's make this a wacky comedy. And you're like, but it's not funny. And that's why it's not adding up. So what year is this? Because it's 03. It's not that crazy. Dwarves have been around for a while.

Like are we that thrown off that one could show up and all of a sudden enter a family? Well, that's the thing, the reaction when the mother's like. Yeah, that was great. Like, what are you telling me? Are there black people here too? She was really, really reactive. If a black dwarf had walked into a classroom.

Here's some other trivia that's on the page. Gary Oldman kept his jeans extremely high and tight for the entire film to create the illusion of a small person. After initial criticism, Gary Oldman was quoted as saying, just try it out. Gary Oldman said he was inspired by his favorite musicians, Garth Brooks and the four stroke gang.

Okay. Oh my God. This film has been held in high regard for soundtrack, including the original song, Good Morning Julia by Jean McSealing fan. It's relentless. The jeans are everywhere. They're everywhere.

The mommies are everywhere on the internet. So wait, I asked you this a while back before we jumped around, who did you know who Good Morning Julia, what that referred to? No. So that referred to something that's really blown up on this show, which is a young lady named Julia,

one day was at the gym, left the tanning bed at the gym, went to her car, and a man followed her out of the gym and said her name. And the reason he knew her name was because you sign in at the gym. So he was like, Julia, Julia.

Oh no. And she was like, her name is Julia, Julia? Well, yeah, exactly. Her name is Julia. And he was like, hey, hey, hey. And she was like, do I know you? And the reason he knew her name

was because he saw the sign. Creepy. Never thought that that is such an easy way It's like when kids used to wear names on their sweatshirts, you know? Absolutely, yeah. Because I did that as a kid. Right.

We can put a pin in that story. Well, he, so he followed her out and she was nice, like basically, he, she was like, in a polite, roundabout way, was like, I'm not interested. But he was like, let me get your number. And she was holding her phone.

So she was like, why don't you put your number in? So like, I have it. So he put his number in and then dialed his phone. So he got her phone number. But anyways, she was like, that's that. She goes home. And the next morning,

she gets this on her phone. Good morning, Julia. It's me, Joe. Just wanted to say hi. Wish you a great day. Tell you that meeting you yesterday and getting a look at you was probably one of the greatest moments of my life.

Great scenery thing. You were so beautiful. You don't know how beautiful you are to me. I mean, just, you're gorgeous. You're precious. So it goes on. It goes on. Sit in my mind.

When you said to me, you want to go back with your ex-boyfriend, please erase him from your memory. Don't ever go back in the past. I know as I've been there. And I understand when, you know, you're trying to find somebody and you go on dates.

And nothing compares to your ex. It's a lot. But there is that better person out there. With more fans. And Julia, I promise you, it is me. Open up your heart. Okay, I do. To me in your arms.

All right. Open up your heart. Very aggressive. Feel the ocean style. Get out of my dreams. Get into my car. Yes, yes. With you.

It's nuts. It's a lot. Is he purposely given like the, the cribs to her in the background? Like is he very inconspicuously trying to do that? And I got a dope kitchen. Yes. In case you want to come over.

He goes, I could build all this. The crown molding. Filled all this myself. Okay, trim this goatee or let it grow more. Whatever you want. And then he sent her a follow-up video. No way. Shortly thereafter.

Did she respond to that? No. Or this? No. Just want to say good morning. Kate, you didn't know I could wear hats like this. My flower, my precious. No nicknames yet, dude.

My soon-to-be, my everything. Holy shit. Have a great day, love. Oh, restraining order. Table for one. What the fuck? He's just waiting on it now. How many, how many has he sent?

Oh my God. And this is, you know, and it's some stuff like that that I go, oh man, like I, you know, not that I don't feel bad when I hear these creeper stories from gals, but it's like when you see video evidence, you're like, oh yeah, like there was a girl's dating in college. I remember she was at a bar and she gave a number to a guy because we were dating and she was like, I just felt bad.

And I was like, don't do that. Like there's, he's going to send you weird shit now. And he did. And it was just like, she was terrified. Not every guy is, she was terrified. She was not going to her gym because of this fucking guy. But then like she eventually, well like people started to. He sent her videos of him like working out.

We could be workout buddies. I need a spotter in life and at the gym. He got, he got the hint. And, but like when, he didn't seem like he would. That seemed like a video web series ready to be made. She probably at a certain point actually blocked him if I, I don't remember.

That's all it takes, right? I'm sure. Well, she actually got, she thought it was funny after a while. Oh cool. You know, when she got some distance from it. She said that when she got the first one, she was so mortified that she didn't share with anybody because she was like, oh my God, this is so bad.

And there's a thing he didn't seem, he seemed like a kind of affable guy that was kind of like, you're dumb, like almost like your boner from growing pains and your group of friends to where like you're hanging out. And you're like, hey, do that thing with your goatee or like make that fart noise or like something stupid where you had some weird human trick. But then, then you'd see him talk to women

and you're like, we should probably get out of here. You know, because he's going to like take it up a notch and fall in love and start calling girls flower, you know. But that's so stupid. Men should learn that they can't just keep fucking harassing shit, like, look, you call her one, she doesn't answer. That's it. She's not fucking interested in you, bro.

Like, stop. She got your video. She got it. 01:51:29,480 --> 01:51:31,000 Also maybe like, again, maybe like, don't put the ceiling fan in it next time. Oh my God, the ceiling fan, it's everything. Backdrop matters though, right?

If you're going to get a home video, a selfie video, maybe be in the hot tub or maybe like, I don't know, I don't know what the move is, like be holding the parakeet or something. You don't even know half of the shit. Well, she eventually baited him because she was like, when she finally found the humor in it, she was like, I want to do,

like, I want to get another one of these because she eventually thought it was funny. So her and her friends were like, send us another video. Oh boy. And he did send her one more. We just, we just. It's the final one. This is the mom's house exclusive.

We thought we would share it with you and discuss it. I haven't been this excited since Cool Runnings hit DVD. This one is the exclusive. We'll be back to talking. Oh, that's the wrong thing. Hold on. Here we go. This is a YMH exclusive.

YMH exclusive. YMH exclusive. YMH. All right. That's why you guys are the best, by the way. Little things like that go a long way. But this is the video. This is the last one she got from.

Who's saying? See, I'm half asleep on the couch. Disappointed. You got me wrapped around your finger. But that's all you're getting. I'm exhausted. Oh, my God. Too much of a delay before a kiss is bad news.

Oh God. Who kisses like that? Oh God. It's why does it hurt my soul? It hurts. It hurts my stomach. It's just cringy. Yeah.

It makes my stomach hurt. It's embarrassing. I bet like in 10 years you'd be like, Hey, wait, play it again. It's so like. I feel like that's the end of his commercial when he's like, Hey, it's me. What's his name again?

Joe. Joe. Come on down to Joe's syrup farm where you can get the best syrup in Tallahassee. And he does that. He does that like self-imposed sexy laugh. And he was like, you know, like it's like.

Just hanging on the couch. Too sexy to get up. Yeah. Yes. Whoa. Wrapped around my finger. This is all you're getting. Yeah.

See, this one he went full. He went full throttle. See, he's less desperate. The reason he's less desperate in this one is because she prompted him to send something. So all like, he's so eager in the other ones because he doesn't know what's going to get. Now he's sitting back being like,

Look who's coming to me now. I guess I can chill on the couch to that first one. I don't, I don't, I don't have to do any production value. That's right. The first one had to like, I will find you. I will follow you. I will end things. And now he's like, Oh, she's interested.

So when someone's interested, you feel like you can do. You know, kind of laugh. Like, I know you like me. Look who came around. And you know what I like? Swag. That's swag. That's swag.

And you know what I like too is the forced spontaneity of like, I'm just here laying on my couch. Yeah. You caught me in the dark. Do you know how many different ways you lay down before that? Maybe do you think he practiced? There are variations of, or like.

Yes. He's like, I should have done longer beat between the last word and the kiss. You should have held out longer before the smooch noise. I'll tell you, the smooch seals the deal. Smooch seals the deal. Two second pause of four second. You fill it out, dude.

It's weird. But be on the couch for it. What about the floor? You got me wrapped around your finger. But this is all you get. I want to know what he was anticipating. He might give her if she did ask for more though, you know. What if she takes it back?

Don't let that be it. I know. Oh, you want more, huh? Let's move to the bathroom. Location change, you know. I bet, what if she had baited him with like a fake movie? And she was like, let me see that. Oh, we don't know what this guy's capable of.

Oh, yeah. What do you think? That's where he draws the line. He, yeah, you're right. What if he also became a gentleman? What if he was like, Julia McClancy guy. I thought you were classy. Not interested.

And he bailed. That would be the best thing. That's awesome, yeah. Now if, God, now you want me to reopen this exchange with Joe. What if Julia were to respond now and be like, I'm ready. It's been a few years. It's been a few years.

I've been thinking about it. Yeah. All these guys were wrong. You were always right. Lucky for you, I've still been on my couch. He's got to know by now, right? That we've been relentless. You know that people are sending in their own Joe videos?

Oh, by the hundreds. Oh boy. Like, like they've just been nonstop. Kids, you know. Meeting you yesterday was the best day of my life. It's relentless. Are you fucking? It's relentless.

Good morning, Julia. Oh, this guy's my favorite. So many. I know you are a strong man, not like your ex-boyfriend. I just wanted to show you the ceiling fan. Oh my God. I can show to you how strong this ceiling fan is and demonstrate my love to you, Julia.

So we can, when you and I, when we go full throttle, Julia, I think it's that extraordinary. Yes, dude. All right. That guy went for it. He went for it. Now the best would be if you get a surprise video from Garth Brooks. Backstage at his concert being like, Julia, I'm back here.

Well, that would be the best. Getting ready to perform for you. 20,000 people screaming your name. Screaming my name, but they're screaming your name. Julia. If Garth sent us. And that's how he tells you. And that's how he lets you know.

Like, nothing else. He just sends you that. Oh, he's so amazing. Dude, why are you teasing me like this? Sorry, dude. No, that would be amazing. Yeah, that's. I would do nothing but Garth promos for the rest of my life.

Garth's got a show coming up in Florida tomorrow night, 7 30. Now, do you think, Tom, one question, do you think that if Joe's been made aware of the relentless taunting that we've been giving him, that he would learn the error of his ways? Do you think that this experience would have changed him? Or is he the kind of guy? He's cognizant enough to recognize the humor in what's happened.

No, no. Is he cognizant enough now to realize that what he did to Julia was so fucking inappropriate and wrong? No, I think he's on to the next. I think he's just like, she wasn't for me anyway. Some part of his mind. There's other flowers out there. You're a fucking bitch.

That's in him for sure. There's a part of this that you should hear to answer that question. Because this phrase in particular shows that in the moment when he sent the original one, he had some awareness. Correct. And here is the phrase. So this is the type of guy you get. I'm a very handy guy.

It's almost here. I'd love to build you whatever you want. You're a sweetheart. So I hope this video doesn't scare you. There it is. But that's how I feel. He knows that it scares you. Okay.

See, you have enough awareness to go, I hope this video didn't scare you. Because he knows it did. Now, is it scarier to say that? You know what I'm saying? Or it's like, I don't know. I mean, it's that whole like, prefacing it with that thing that you've like,

he knows it's scary. He knows, he fucked up. But he knows it's an aggressive move to send someone like a three minute video the day after you met them in a parking lot. That what fault that did he say? No, I don't want this to scare you. But I feel like we should be together all the time

from here on out. And you should leave your ex and I can help you kill him. Don't be scared. Don't be scared. That's the pitch. That's basically the pitch. Put his head in my ceiling fan. I hope this video doesn't scare you.

What does he say after that? Right after that. Here, let's go full trunk. This is the type of guy you get. I'm a very handy guy. It scares you. But that's how I feel. I just want you to know that.

All right. I look forward going out to dinner with you. No. So let's make it happen. Oh, God. Oh, so that's his calling card. That's his move. That's his closer.

By the way, you think- Joe, you still doing the kiss? He's like, of course I do the kiss. Kiss, love, they love the kiss. Come on, come on, man. Chicks, take the kiss. By the way, you think that's his first date too? Instead of like, he just stands five feet away from him,

just goes, all right, see you later, and backs away and just goes inside. And they're like, not even a real kiss? No, it's the first date, baby. You've got to come inside for that. But see, I was telling her, I feel like- Who ever did that? Like, that was never a thing in the 40s or 50s.

No, it's so nasty. I feel he oddly does, for his romantic interest, things that you would do for like a child. Yeah. Because you see like a kid, you might go, because you over exaggerate. Or a dog. Yeah.

That kind of thing, it's just weird that that's your lane for- And where did he learn that? Did he see that in a movie? Or was like in a- Black and white, a talky, you mean? Yeah, like, I love you guys. Sweetheart. I got to show you something.

She doesn't know this, but this- No, this is good. Do you remember like a week or two ago? I hate surprises. No, this is a good one. I promise. Week or two ago, a lot of people have picked up on that we have in front of Garth.

Somebody made an Instagram post that was so well done. That's great. People thought that it was me doing a joke, but actually she's a video effects artist. And she face swapped me with Garth? No way. Oh my God. And she-

So people were like, I can't believe you got the hat. And you put- What are you talking about? She put my face on a video of him. Brilliant. But like scary, where I saw it, I was like, I dropped my phone. Her name is Jenna Sunday, and she's a video effects

artist in Vancouver. Jeez. So this is the video that she made. Just like for fun, she put this up. Okay. The dream still lives. And my dream is for us to love one another. Oh my God.

All of us. Oh my God. Okay. Oh my God. Oh my God. What's up? Wait a second, man. I wasn't ready for that.

I know. Do it again, do it again. Oh, it fucking freaked me out, man. Oh, I don't like it, but I like it. Yeah. I don't like it, but I like it. The dream still lives. And my dream is for us to love one another.

All of us. Oh my God. Yeah. I mean, it's so freaking creepy. That's what it would look like. Imagine like I opened my phone, I'm like, what in the fuck? I thought, I've seen photoshopped,

but you see a mouth moving and you're like, no. And it doesn't look like, you know how, like Conan used to do those things, where he'd do the face and the mouth? No. Like this looks full on the person. So anyways, I reached out to her. I told her how big of fans we were, you know,

is that right? And I said, well, I was like, I go, this is amazing. Can you do any others? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh my God. Oh, yeah. Let's get physical music.

I like that. Look how stupid your eyes look. Look at that lip bite. So like everything is dependent on, she explained it to me a little bit that everything's dependent on body position, lighting, you know, and like what is available of me. Right.

That's your completely normal cover. So you're, you're making an expression. Yes. By the way, these have got to make his way to Garth's inbox. Oh, I know. And this is when he goes. Torrance. Either it's gone too far or like, all right,

now I respect the art form. Now I respect it. I think it's going to be the former. There's some more. Think of it more as a conversation. I like that. Like that's got a little Nicholson to it as well. I want to post cool stuff, slick stuff, neat stuff,

but most of the stuff I'm going to post is going to be raw stuff like this. It's so creepy. Raw on the edge in my element. Is this like a, here's what's coming on my Instagram if you follow. This is when he announced that he was joining Facebook. He made the weirdest post of all. That's why we're, that's why we're making fun of him. That's why it started.

That's what started it all. Yeah. Because he's so lame with his social media. When Will Smith joined Instagram, like that was a big deal too, but obviously he did it in a very cool big willy style way. You know, he wasn't like, this is going to be where you get the raw willy stuff. There's nothing cool about Garth social media.

And that's the problem. Is there anything wrong? I guess it's official. No. And there's nothing. So when he's like, you're going to get raw stuff, like me telling you about how raw it's going to get. No, there's no raw.

You know how raw it's going to get? Just me talking about the rawness that Garth is going to deliver. You got to see this. This is the actual video. This is the real. Oh, it's so great. So this is just, imagine you just joined Facebook. Like a year and a half ago or something.

And you decide to post this for joining Facebook. Well, I guess it's official. We're now on Facebook. I really wasn't sure about this at the start, but then a friend of mine said something that just made all kinds of sense. She said, think of it more as a conversation. I like that. But I'm already finding out on my own.

So it's wiping the walls out between you and me. And I really like that. It allows us into each other's worlds. Or I guess in my case, hotel room. What if he was watching tiptoes? I think about things I want to post. I want to post cool stuff, slick stuff, neat stuff. But most of the stuff I'm going to post is going to be raw stuff like this.

Well, you got to pick one, man, because that's a whole different genre. Slick and raw. He keeps doing that sexy voice thing. No, he's raw stuff, raw stuff. Slick stuff. Yeah, it's like. Hey, man. So this is truly a conversation.

Here we go. And I say, let the conversation begin. What the fuck? It was so weird. If he ended it with a, then I'd be like, all right, now I'm on board. You know, slick stuff, like, come on back for more raw garth. And I really like that. This is on.

Is this getting as much attention from the world as you guys are giving it on this podcast? This video stuff? Garth is, Garth's entrance to social media. Oh, yeah. I don't know. Well, I don't know if he's getting, we are. You're doing a lot of the leg work. Educating America.

His Instagram is over. It is. It's destroyed. It's destroyed. It's destroyed. Yeah. We've infiltrated. Dude, there's going to be meet and greets where people are, like, coming up to him, like.

Oh, you're right. For telling them some of these sound bites. Dude, the meet and greets are mommies are probably going to be like, hey, Hitler, wear him up for stroke gang high and tight. He's like, what? Why is everyone telling me they want to jerk off of me this year? Wait, that's something that's been going? Oh, yeah.

They're like coming for strokes. Yeah. All his comments are inside jokes from us. And they're usually vile, but like, like some weirdly veiled. Like they don't add up if you don't know it. That's why everyone's like, what's going on here? This is okay. When he, you're going to get him, by the way.

I just feel like. Garth, come on, man. He's got to know about this. Okay, okay. Be weird with us. Or how about this? I challenge this is to the mommies. I know you can do this because you guys have risen to every challenge we've ever posed.

If somebody here can meet Garth Brooks, get a video of you meeting him at a meet and greet or something. There you go. And throw out some moms, your mom's house phrases. That would be the ultimate. Yes. That'd be great. Get him to do them.

Oh my God. Get him to do them. That's actually. Because sometimes they're just so unaware and famous where they're like, Hey, say, happy birthday to my aunt Judy. And then say, you know, and then he was like, oh, keep your jeans high and tight. Jeans up.

Todd and Christine. Then game over. Yeah, it is. It is game. It will move on after that. Oh, that would be amazing. There's no top in that. But look, I didn't want to be.

I didn't want these videos to just be me. Oh, shit. So I also asked if she could do one or two of you. Oh, is Trisha. Am I Trisha Yearwood? You want to see her work of. Okay, let's see. Hanukkah's over.

But it's Jenna Sunday's VFX work for Christina. Okay, let's see. Especially in the vagina. Oh, my God. That's the part of it. There you go. There you go. Thanks, sweetie.

That's Kim and I know who it is. I don't remember. Thank you. In my asshole. Asshole. To Jinsmen. Asshole. With extremely large.

Especially in the vagina. That's the part of entry. That is horrendous. We sent another one. Do you want to see the third one? You're a horrible person. Oh, she topped it. You want to see it?

I don't know. Here we go. Justina, here you go with your hit song. My face looks a lot smoother than it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Wow. I don't know.

You guys look like freames. Can I have this to put on my social media? Yes, you can. On the Christina Pete on Instagram? Just so you know. Oh, my God. I had a feeling. That was my next guess.

If you were like, what kind of face do you think comes with that sound? That would have been... Oh, my God. I wonder if him, remember the golden voice guy? I bet it. You know, remember that guy who got discovered on the side of the road?

And he was like, he was like, 95.5. And then he got like a Kraft singles commercial right after that. And then he got... He's like, Kraft macaroni and cheese. And he's like, rub the cheese sauce on your taint. And they're like, dude, that's not... I think we got to mix it up.

You're good. We're good on that take. And he's like, I got more. His voice was nuts. He was unbelievable, though. Yeah. But then didn't he smoke a bunch of crack and then lose it all?

Yeah. Well, he blew all his money. They gave him like 40 grand and... You can't give someone who's been living on the street. No. No. Just a windfall. No.

You'll get it together, right? All right, so here we go. Like, no, it doesn't work like that. You give them like $10 a day. And they like, don't spend it all. Have them on a program. Yes. A couple more.

You want to see a couple more? Oh, Christ. Those are unbelievable. By the way, that's my new favorite thing that I've seen on the internet. Yeah, right? Because that... And quality does matter.

It does. Because that really... You know, you can't... But it's terrifying to think... It is. Like, with that first one especially, be like, if it was at that level, and she threw that together casually,

didn't spend like weeks doing it. Yeah. Like, what is capable? What is possible with face swapping? Oh, to where like, maybe they're doing it, to where then people post videos. I mean, if you do anything. Like, with this Kevin Hart shit that's going on.

What if somebody posted some video with his face being like, and we got the tweets, we also have old footage of him saying stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But I mean... Down with the Jews, down with the...

Through Jews in there. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we thought we were just talking about gays, but... Well, you don't know where, how far it goes. And especially the gay Jews. Yeah, the gay Jews, yeah. Or if someone could...

I don't know, maybe... Make Bert Chrysler the racist comedian that he is. I don't know. You ready? Ready for this one, Gene? Okay. Here we go. True weed alone can be usually worn

in your normal butt. Ben Endrell. Take about 10, 12 Ben Endrell before you want to have your sexual fun with your partner. Oh my God. All right. Oh my God.

I hate that so much. I hate it. How about this? That is... Machines with thin. Machines with thin. They got a gun. They got a gun.

Yeah, they got a gun. Turn in your gun. Yeah, machines with thin. Oh my God. Machines with thin. That is amazing. T-16. If you guys are not on YouTube yet subscribing,

you have to subscribe to your Mom House channel. You have to see these videos. You guys got some amazing stuff up there. 02:10:27,720 --> 02:10:28,680 Holy crap. Got another Christina one here, please. Okay. Hello, everybody.

Oh boy. Rain and Floor. That's one's good. It's really good. I'm going to do a urine enema for the first time. Oh God. Why would you capture that? Christina, why'd you do this?

I remember. I thought it was a good idea at the time. And at the time. I thought you were an enema. Everyone was asking me. Everybody wanted me to do it. Show us what it looks like. She did such an amazing job.

That's amazing. I want to point this out before I show her last one. So Jenna is doing, she did a performing at Yuck Yucks for the, this is going to be a stand up for mental health 2018 summer class graduation show. Very cool. She's performing in this? She's performing in it. Great.

So that's why I'm plugging it. So it's going to be Sunday, January 13, 2019 at 7pm at Yuck Yucks. You can go to smhsociety.org for tickets. I believe all the tickets will benefit. All profits go to the SMH Society. It's all mental health. So if you're in the Vancouver area, you want to support very talented, funny young lady and her class.

Go to smhsociety.org. She made these, which are just fantastic. That's amazing. Super talented. It's really good, right? And that's her last one that I know who resonate with everybody who watches this show, but I'll just have to. That's going to take hours to do that.

Oh, for sure. That's not an easy just drag and click. I think so. You spent a lot of time. Ready? Black guys, we have to fuck and fuck. Good. If you're a hot black guy, fuck me.

23.95. If you want to move in, you can move in. You gotta fuck, man. I need to be fucked a lot. Get free rent and everything else, man. Here's a deal, man. He's a deal, man. Man from jail, homeless.

Oh, my God. And this is the landlord, right? You want a free room? You gotta fuck, man. Free rent. You can at least make it. At least make it. I mean, I'm seeing my face on this phone, man.

Jesus. You see me when I come over today and try it out. Try it out, man. Is that trippy? Does it feel like an old sketch you did that you're like, I'm freaking like, did I do a YouTube video back in the day that we surfaced? I'm here shooting some stuff in college. Was this me before stand-up?

If I didn't think, like, if my bill didn't try it out, I'm gonna fuck a piece of me, try it out. I have to say, this one is especially creepy because your face shape and your dark under eye circles kind of match. Hand themself to him? Yeah. Yeah. And that's, I didn't realize the similarity between you and the try it out guy.

Thank you very much for pointing that out. There are a lot of similarities. Try it out. Simularities. I will post, I mean, this, that whole highlight will be on our YouTube channel, but I'll post a couple of those on my Instagram page. That was terrifying. Holy shit.

God, somebody had to ask for advice. Maybe Adam can jump in on this. Please. It says, hi, Tim and Christine. 02:13:24,920 --> 02:13:26,360 I am a new college student. I'm having a hard time adjusting to a bathroom situation. Mainly the toilet and the toilet paper department.

As a hairy boy, I require plenty of wiping. Seize up on the personal nicknames. I know. I'm a hairy boy. I'm a hairy boy. Being finished using the toilet. And this is something I was okay with until getting to college at home. I have a nice soft toilet paper.

Don't have any problems getting it all cleaned up back there, but now there seems to be some problems. My butthole is not only chafed after the amount of times I need to wipe, but also I need to wipe even more with the lower quality paper. Ah, and like the dorms. Oh no, yeah. The dorm toilet paper, it's like, it's terrible. They really just, they go to Kinkos and they're like,

do you guys got any leftover sheets? What kind of deal can we get on 100,000 rolls of paper? That's what they ask and they're like, this shit's fucking a dime. I just thought it was our dorm. It was good to know that it's universal, the dorm toilet paper was inferior. They go, you're not going to wipe your butt with this toilet paper, are you?

Wait, so that's, so he used the relief. So he says, how do you believe I should bring about a change? I don't want college tuition rates to go up because of the change in toilet paper quality, but I can't keep living this way. No. Also, another thought, maybe a communal bidet could be in order. There's a lot to ask from your students, man.

So he's in college. He's in college. A communal bidet? I mean, nobody offers that. You could do that. I mean, here's the thing though, these kids, man, they get together and are changing the world. You're right.

Get a Facebook group on. What about getting them marching on campus? Like, clean our asses. Yeah. Like, you know, if all the Harry boys got together. If we bidet together, we'll stay together. There you go. There you go.

Smoking. Yeah. Yeah. And you got to find a bunch of Harry boys. Bunch of Harry boys. What if he's crusading for Harry boy rights? There you go. But boys spelled B-O-I.

And it's a non-binary Harry boy. Maybe get Harry Styles to help lead the charge. He's like, I'm the hairiest of the Harry boys. The more he could fucking exaggerate how marginalized your group is. That's right. That's right. And the more hysteria you can create.

I mean, the president of your school will soon be like, I realize how wrong we've been for so long ignoring the Harry boys. If you stir the pot enough, someone's going to have to take a sip. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely.

Because he's fucking crazy. Who said that, Darth? I don't know. The only other options are shave your ass, wax your ass, flushable toilet wipes. But maybe that's expensive for a college kid. It's a lot. You can't afford those.

Yeah. So. Or maybe he can. Maybe he's one of those rich college kids. No, I disagree, you guys. Listen. No. He's not going to get a fucking bidet.

It's not going to happen. He's got a Harry asshole. Right. You have to invest in wipes at this point. They're more discreet to carry into the bathroom than a roll of your own toilet paper, which is another suggestion, I would say, by a high quality and just...

But then you don't want a girl to see you walking in the form. You're the weird guy walking into the bathroom with you on TP. It's gross. Yeah, that's weird. So get the wipes. She's like, oh, is it BYOTP? And he goes, yeah. She goes, oh, I guess it is.

It's like, I don't want you to be scared. Or you can chip in with some guys on your floor and you guys can hold my toilet paper together. Shime in together, make it a dude's thing. Make it a dude's night out. Guys, let's go get the better TP tonight. And you guys just have a stack of rolls in the toilet and then you make it.

You share. But then, yeah. And then that's going to, you know, maybe there's like a 10 bucks a month type thing. Yeah. But that is an issue though. College does... That's the one thing that I think they do slack on.

That's a terrible one. You pay so much money. I mean, I'm trying to go back to like, you know, my wiping days in college. And it's a tough time remembering fully. But I know it wasn't like great. And I know I never was walking out being like, you know, what's the best part about college?

Oh man, the acting school is pretty cool. But I got the cleanest fucking butthole. You know, like... Well, I have another suggestion for him, actually. I don't know where your showers are in proximity to your toilet. That's a great question. But I used to... On our dorms, the showers are right there.

So you could shit and then go straight to shower. It's a little gross in a communal setting, I know. But what are your options, you know? What are your options? You got to keep your b-hole clean if you want to get laid. And I know that's a priority for college guys out there and girls to get laid. You really do.

It's a time. How about this question? It says, good morning, Julia. In order, in an older episode, Tom tricked Christina into getting on all fours so that he could milk her. Tom then requested that listeners try that report back about the reaction.

See, years ago. That is years ago. Yesterday, I got my wife down in her hands and knees as I reached for her tits. She yelled, are you going to fucking milk me? That's the last straw. Today, she served me the divorce papers. And I honestly cannot thank you enough.

I have to go to work now. Chow baby, love Joe. Oh my God. That's the milkman. I remember that. I remember that. You got me good. I did.

Piece of shit. You're like, get on your fours. I want to show you something. And then he started to milk my tits. And I was like, babe. God, was that like a weird fetish or what? No, I just try to be funny. Just try to be a clown.

Was I shirtless at the time? Did you get me down? Do you like big tits? That's my rabbi again. That's my mom. Do you like big tits? How about this one, Gene? This is for you.

It says, hey, Hitler's. My triple D slut wife always has positive comments. Such a normal email opening. What up, guys? So anyway, my big ass titty slut wife. That's because it's the same. I know, I know. I know, I know.

I'm very familiar. It's just still amazing. They want to know about your lipstick choices. She wants to know what brand she uses, specifically the red ones so that she can try it out. Oh, I know. Thanks, Bradley. Okay, I'm going to tell you guys once and for all,

because I get many inquiries. Yeah. A lot of you have been asking about the scarf I'm wearing. A lot of people are asking, yes. But wait, Tom and I, do you remember people on, you ever seen people on Instagram that were like, a lot of people have been asking about this shirt I wear. It's like, nobody's asking you dickhead.

You're like, people keep hitting me up about this hat. You're like, what, two fucking people? Nobody asked. You're like, I can barely fucking walk through the airport. Okay. Nobody fucking asked. 30 views. Okay, so I'll tell you finally, once and for all,

I'm only going to say it once. Okay. God. Your girl uses, I'll tell you, there's a few different shades, but the brand is called Smashbox, and it's made specifically for television or long wear. That's why I wear it. It lasts forever on stage.

The color I generally wear is called Infrared. What? Not for you to get something, I'm sorry. Okay, it's called Infra, I-N-F-R-A-R-E-D. And it'll stay on for a fucking hours and hours, but Infrared, yeah, it's a matte. Love it. Smashbox.

This email was making me laugh, so another email came in. It says, my question is for the water champ herself, Ms. Christina B. Thank you. I'm finally getting a lot of acknowledgement. Okay. As a fellow lady of Hungarian descent, or proud Bohunk, if you will, I have found that I am an avid consumer of water. In fact, I would say that my Bohunk mother and I drink more water

than anyone else I know. My boyfriend never drinks water, and I often find myself disgusted by the color and smell of his urine. I can't understand how anyone can drink anything other than water when they are truly parched. How do you deal with the fact that Tommy only consumes his cacao water Starbucks drinks? And because of that, how do you handle the smell of his man juices?

Piss on me and beat me and keep him high and tight. Love, Ashley. Ashley, I'll tell you real talk that this whole discussion about the water champ came because Tom peed in the shower with me. Oh boy. And it smelled like someone had dumped a carafe of coffee in the shower. God damn. Did you give your heads up or did you start going?

Oh, he just went. He just goes on me all the time. His wife. Do you do that yet to your lady? No. No, is that a, do you wait till marriage for that or? 02:21:03,880 --> 02:21:04,360 No.

No, he did that. Get out of the way before so you know like there's a preview. That's how Tom feels. If you're cool, if you're real cool, then you'll be all right with this. That's how I broke the fart barrier in the most bold of ways. We have been dating a little bit. Isn't Harrison Ford in the fart barrier? He got a spittick.

Oh yeah. That was so wrong. That was Jack Ryan. The fart barrier. Yeah, there he goes. It smells like shit. It smells like shit. How did it get in here?

The fart barrier. The fart barrier. Harrison Ford. He did a lot of great movies. He did. People sleep on the fart barrier. The fart barrier is good. They're like fugitive.

Yeah. Air Force One. All the Indiana Jones. All the Indiana Jones. Wait, what is the plot of the fart barrier? The fart barrier where it's like there's a... He's running from the fart. The terrorist.

He's a fart beauty. There's that terrorist group. Oh yeah. They take over the U.S. Capitol and they have a fart barrier outside of it. And nobody wants to go in to save them. You don't remember that? You don't remember that? Well, he's a movie star.

Everyone's farting on the outside of it. 02:22:07,720 --> 02:22:08,760 And he's called up out there. And little Harrison Ford is the most respectable actor. He is. He never is frivolous ever. He was at the Ligger Game last night. And they put him on the Jumbotron.

He was there? Harrison Ford and the fucking thing. Kevin Costner was there. Oh, sorry. Oh, so great. Wow. This one. That means you're already turning into my mom.

I have such limited brains. Hey, two guys. Yeah, yeah. I have two small children. 02:22:32,360 --> 02:22:33,320 What's that, Keaton? No, that was Lucy Liu. Jesus, mom.

I have two small children. I have no bandwidth. Oh, they have. Will Ferrell was there. He got a huge one. Denzel was there. Denzel looked great. That should always be the biggest.

Yeah, it was. It was. It was the biggest except that it was the biggest for acknowledgement. Yeah. But Will performed, meaning so Will got even bigger. He's a comedian. Yeah, he did something funny.

He did a funny face. Yeah, what happened was like Kevin Costner didn't even know. He was not like his kid kept being like, you're on the fucking thing. Oh, Kev, come on, man. Right. So he was like that. And before that was, oh, Jessica Beale got a big ovation.

Very cool. What's the quarterback, Jared Goff? Yeah, for the Rams. He got me. I don't think they even knew us. I don't think they recognized him, honestly. He looks like a contestant on Double Dare or Wild and Crazy Kids.

They just grew up and like, it's like I'm still acting. Yeah. So it's like building, building. It's like, oh, people are cheering for him. Then Denzel, they go fucking ape shit. Love it. But then they cut to Will Ferrell after him. Big ovation.

And he goes, yeah. And Will's angry funny. It's the funniest. Yeah, it's the best. Yeah. Last leg game I went to met Jack Nicholson. You met him? Oh, wow.

One of my favorite actors of all time. Of course. He's at the game. He leaves at one point. And where we were sitting, we had access to this like, there's like a side room that's like, we can get drinks and food like at halftime. You're on the floor.

We were on the floor, but we were in. We just had access to it somehow. OK. My buddy was Adam Devine. So he's got tickets. Why is he such a big Clippers fan? He was a big NBA fan. And I think, you know, Omaha, where he grew up,

didn't have a team. I think when he got out here, he was just like. I'm a Clippers guy. Yeah, Lakers were. I can't, I don't know how he got it. Oh, he loves Blake Griffin and Chris Paul and Deon Ray Jordan. And they were big 14. And they were workaholics fans.

So it was like a mutual thing. I think they might have hit him up. And then he went to games and. Because I remember him being a Clippers fan for a while. Yeah, since he got here. OK. Yeah. But I mean, when he got, he would have got here

when the Lakers were smashing. Yep. Maybe it was one of those things of like, I'm taking the other side. I'm taking the other side. Yeah. So we go back. And like all those guys are, sorry.

All the, I remember all the workaholics guys would go to those games, right? Yes. Eric Griffin goes. They got season tickets. Yeah. He's the most insane person to go to a basketball game with. Because he has talked so much shit.

I mean, in the best way. He yells it out. And he's got that big voice riff, boys. Yeah. And he's like, we don't want y'all shit. And they fucking turn around all the time. It's really. And sometimes they recognize him.

So then they laugh. And a lot of times they're just like, man, fuck you. You know, like, yeah. But so we go to the back area. And there's this little bar area. And then you go to the bathroom. And you walk straight back. And then there's like two doors to the bathroom.

And then like a little hallway in the back, where you can kind of almost wait. Or there's a chair in the back corner, facing where people are standing in line to get into the bathrooms. And I just walk back there. And Jack's just sitting back there, leg spread, holding the coffee.

Looks like just an old man chilling on a porch. Like just back there, just like sunglasses on, smiling, not talking to anybody. So now there's all these dudes and girls lined up. I mean, it's a small area, maybe four or five. And everyone sees him. And he's looking at us, kind of looking down. And you're trying to like, everyone's gauging.

Like, do I say something? So one dude in front of him. And he's like looking at the girls as they go into the bathroom. And you know, have a good one. He muttered something. Take a good shit. Yeah, good luck with that piss, you know. And so with that piss.

I mean, again, paraphrasing. But he said something. And the girls laughed. Like, you know, Jack Nicholson. And then I remember the guy in front of me was like, I got toilet paper on my tongue. He's like, I'm going to throw a Hail Mary and say something. So he goes, what's up, Jack?

And he goes, hey. And he goes, what you doing, man? And he goes, takes a pause, looks down. And then goes, the fuck does it look like I'm doing? Oh. Yeah. And he goes, I'm drinking a coffee in the corner. And I go, awesome.

And then the guy goes, hell yeah, man. And he goes, like fucking guy. And then he goes through. And then I get up there. And I'm like, hey, man, I'm an actor. You're the man. And like, you know, and then he was like, cool. I go, yeah, man, I got an act.

And you were my favorite still are like, you're a God. Hope you're having a good time. He goes, it's a great time to live, isn't it? And I was like, yeah, man, when are we going to see in movies again? He's like, who knows? And I was like, yeah, fair enough. You know? Yeah.

You did a real fan thing though. That's nice. But you were polite. Genuine polite. Yes. And also it's like, you know, we're talking about like, I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say.

Oh, man. It's terrible. There's also in such a confined area that I was like, sometimes, you know, it's weirder to just stand there in silence. Yeah. I mean, not for like urinal small talk. I'm a big non advocate of that. I remember one time some guy said something.

He's like, man, aren't these urinals like too, too small? It makes my or too big. It makes me feel like my dick's too small. OK. And like, basically, it would have been weirder for me not to say anything. So I was like, yeah, man, I bet you're fine. You know, like just chiming back in.

He's like, no, look, look at it. Look at it. Look at my dick. What do you think? It's like, don't talk at the urinal. Wait a minute. Can I answer this girl's question? Yes.

Yeah. She asked how I deal with it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So the point is, is that you sometimes drink so little water. And I'm being serious. If you look at our desk right now, what's he drinking? Brown soda. It's not brown.

I'm drinking water. And sometimes when you drink a lot of coffee during the day, I can smell it coming out of your pores. I'll smell your forehead. And it'll smell like coffee. I'm going to get one after this. Right. But you got that mocha forehead.

He does have a mocha forehead. By the way, that's the name of the lead actor, the young kid, in Fart Barrier. Is mocha forehead. Mocha forehead. Yeah. Yeah. He's trying to stop.

That was his breakout. The Fart Barrier. It was introducing. The Fart Barrier. Yeah. Because there's always like in a movie like that, there's always some young kid that you're like, who's this guy?

It's mocha forehead. What's his real name though? That's it, apparently. Yeah, mocha forehead. He's been acting since he was a fucking toddler. I'll show you his Cheerios commercial. You don't, but you don't pee enough, because you don't hydrate enough.

You don't. I'm the same way, man. I need more. Are you just so much coffee? Well, look what he's drinking. Black fluid, too. He's drinking. I know.

I'm trying to think of. I'm serious. That's going to be a painful thing. I'm trying to think of what I would say because to Jack Nicholson too though, I feel like that's a tough one. I know what I'd ask him.

02:28:44,760 --> 02:28:46,040 What we were talking about last night when you're sitting at court side. Smash last night, dog. You smashed. No, because he sits court side. Now, how does Jack Nicholson take a piss during the Laker game? Because won't he just get swarmed by fans?

What do you think? So how does he piss when he's sitting fucking court side? Um, a little bottle and just whips it out. That's what I was saying. Court side, you get like, it's like the benefit of being that close to like Jack. Well, we love, it's a lot of publicity for us. If you open it up and just go and he's like,

I was already planning on it. Yeah, I'm planning on it. And then one of the Laker girls comes over with a cup, holds it, pulls his dick out, he pisses into it. He goes, but I'll shake myself. Oh, he shakes himself. Okay. No, I like it.

I like it. I think that's the part where he goes, he don't get weird if she does it. I think when it gets full and like he puts his dick away, she looks at him and he goes, you can take a sip if you want. And she's like, and then he goes, no, really, take a sip. And she's like, she goes, tastes good.

And he's like, yeah, you know it does. And then just get out of here. Can I tell you watching? Watching anger management on TBS. Oh man. That's such a funny, I love it. I feel like his stories of how he closed deals with chicks has got to be the greatest in the world.

How many Laker girls do you think he's nailed? Because. Great question. He, obviously that's happened. I mean, there's so many different genres of women that you could ask that question about. Seven. So you could be like, how many women you think he's nailed?

How many? No, just like. How many women at. Laker girls. Fucking places. No, just, but just, I'm saying, because he's at the games every week. We're talking 80s, 90s, 2000s, right?

And. And those 70s. Right. And those Laker girls, they make what, 50 dollars? Not a lot. One of my buddies, girls was for a while and it sucked, man. You do it just. They give you two seats and they were up on the nose bleeds

and they're just like, this is a privilege. If you don't want to do it, we'll find somebody else. And they will. And they will. What a. That sucks. That was a story about the Cowboys cheerleaders. Oh yeah.

Yeah. Something like that. But back to your thing, Nicholson has smashed a lot. Yeah. Probably more than Will Chamberlain, who they said, you know, was. Oh, well, yeah. They say like over like a million. He said he served like 50,000.

Now hold on though. I'm going to throw a wrench in your theory. Like three a day for 50 years or something. Here's where I'm going to throw a wrench in your theory. Yeah. Jack Nicholson did not get famous until he was about 28 or 30 years old. Now hold on. I would say older than that.

Okay. So, okay. So let's say what? Mid 30s. Yeah. Maybe later. So easy writer he does when he's 28. That's like his big one. Now you look at somebody like Justin Bieber, who's been busting nuts since he was like 12.

That's true. That's a really good point. So since he wrote busting nuts. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. He smashed a single. Right.

Busting nuts. So Bieber has been started. He started earlier. So you, you know what I'm saying? You have to take that into account when you're looking at nuts busted throughout the years. So when is Nicholson, when does he get famous? Can we look that up? Yeah.

Let's see. And do the question. You do the math. Let's see. What was Cuckoo's Nest? Was that? Let's see. Or no, I'm sorry.

Shining, shining. The shining is what? 1980 or something, right? Yeah. Hold on. You too. Let's see. Jack Nicholson.

I bet he was before too. I bet he was that guy in acting class. He's 81 now. He's 81. Yeah. So he got started late. I saw 81-year-old Jack Nicholson. Yeah.

Tell someone like, what the fuck do you look like I'm doing? But see, he doesn't have as much. That's old man swagger too. Yeah. But he doesn't have as much stanima, Tom. Right. If he's starting fucking at like late 30s. So he may, like, you know what I'm saying?

Viagra didn't come around until when? Early 2000s. I don't know. Do you think this guy fucked a lot though? That guy fucked a lot of course, dude. Give me a break. Like, hey, you'd say like, Jack, do you sleep well? He's like, well, I don't have any cum left in me.

So yeah, I do. He's all brittle. If he said that on like a Jay Leno interview, if there's a sound bite of him somewhere, I'd be like, how do you sleep, Jack? Well, there's no cum left. All right. Well, we are like, vertical horizon here.

I'm all out of cum. That's his last. Can we see if we can figure this out? Oh my God. Did Jack Nicholson documentary? His biography, your autobiography. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be the story of his life.

What would it take for him to genuinely chronicle like just the tales? I mean, would any, because no one, no Hollywood elite has ever done that, right? Like, these guys that are known for being just such. Poonhounds. Yeah.

Yeah. Like to actually write some book where he was like, chapter one, Denise, you know. Right, right, right. Chapter, like. Chapter 840 million. I mean, that just beats. Can you do math?

Are you good at math? I'm all right. All right. So let's, let's figure out this age thing. Because I'm, I'm kind of curious now. So. You do the math. You do the math.

So he's born in 37. Okay. Jesus. And I'm looking at when, when like. Can I calculate? I know. Well, I'm just trying to look at how old he was in certain things here.

So what's, what's, what's the big one you said? Easy writer, like the break out. Easy writers is first roll. So that's 69. The big one. So that's 32. Yeah. So he's 32.

69. He's 32 for easy writer. And that's like the beginning of the ascent. Because he's in all this stuff before that, that, that doesn't really. Yeah, yeah. Then Chinatown is huge. Huge.

That comes out in 74. That was, that was almost like his. Hey, here's Jack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 74. That would be like when you really start smashing hard. Yeah. So 74.

What's the math on that? He's all, he's a, he's going to be. He's born in what? 35? 37. So he's going to be 40. He's 30. Open your calculator.

So what? So 37. He's 37. He's 37. Yeah. So he's 37 there. Late start. Late start.

But, but also. No Viagra back then. No, but yeah, but you're 37. He's now, he's, he's more mature. So he really knows how to play the game more. See, if you learn, if you're chasing, getting puss in your teens and early 20s, your game's kind of weak because you didn't really develop.

Like true, true. So he actually is way more confident and grounded because he's almost 40. More selective. Yeah. Then he wins an Oscar. Yeah. He's an Oscar for, maybe I don't even know if he won one for that,

but he won one for one for over the Cuccos and that's in 75. So he's what? About to turn. He's 38 there. Plus you're getting that high end model stuff. You know what I'm saying? You're getting like the famous actresses. You're getting the Meryl Hemingways or whatever.

And it is fucking, it's pomp and dump. You're getting the extras? Think about the extras from like. And that's what it gets. Think about the girls that were like, I'm not really a Greg Keneer girl. I'm more of a, you know, something's gotta give. You've got to have daddy issues if you're begging Nicholson.

Yeah. You think so? He's always been old. So you know what I'm saying? Yeah. He's always had a very, you know, just fatherly demeanor. He was watching Christmas vacation and Doris, what's her name?

The mom. The shining in 1980. Those people are always old. Like Alan, Alan Arkin. Yeah. He's always been old. Yeah. We are like, dude, this is fucking old.

Is there a young Alan Arkin picture? Probably. You want to see it? For looking up? I'd love to see your face on an Alan Arkin video. Oh boy. I mean, how old? Yeah.

He looks old as shit. Yeah. He's always just been. But he's always been old. I've never seen him young in a film. Yeah. Same with Doris. There you go.

With our name. There's Alan Arkin. Wow. Oh, he's cute. Yeah. He's sweet. But this is how you know him. Yeah.

Old as fuck. Damn. Just always old. He's so funny. I know. He's so fucking funny. Tribeca is another one of those guys that I feel like has just always looked the same.

Yep. Yeah. Let's see here. Yeah. Let's see. Oh yeah. This guy right here. Out of cum.

Whoa. No cum left. Totally drained. Yeah. You've got his eyebrows. You've got nickel. Oh, this guy? Come on.

Look at that smile, dude. Great smile. Great skin. Rocks and tank. Smash. Smash. Smash. Smash.

Oh yeah. Come on. Come on. That's the stuff. That's the prefix. Yeah. This is pretty. Yeah.

This is when he was like, who am I? Yes. Okay. Well, let's talk about. I'm drinking a coffee, you fuck. Let's talk about. 81 years old.

He probably was still that guy. I bet he's been Jack all the time. You know? Yeah. People that know him since he was that young were like, oh yeah, he's always just been. Of course. What about Bert Reynolds?

Talk about a smash machine. Wow. Real hound. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. I mean he. Calendar full all the time.

Yeah. Especially, especially he had more of a window. I feel like. That's what I'm saying. Nicholson's post is kind of spread out, but Reynolds had a 10-year window where. He was the king. Yeah.

The king of showbiz. That guy was banging it. Now what about a guy like Leonardo DiCaprio? Oh, legendary. Yeah. Legendary. That guy has been smashing since. And he started early in showbiz too.

He doesn't know what it's like to not be adored. He doesn't have memories of that. No. He started like fucking two years old. Exactly. So he was famous like at 14 doing movies. Yeah. So imagine.

Growing pains, plus he was probably just, right? Sure. Oh yeah. Is that cute little kid on set? Oh, that's all he's done. Kurt Cameron's like, dude, why are you fucking man, save yourself. He's got to be like early 40s.

Yeah. Right, yeah. He's got early 40s and he's just been a movie star for decades. Yeah. Now what about Kurt Cameron? When he was on growing pains, was he Christian then? Yeah.

So he wasn't smashing. Oh no. He was being like a good boy today. Yep. Yep. What a waste. And it's weird, I know that, but when he really came out and was just like,

God. If my kids were gay, I'd fucking send them to, you know. Gay camp. Uruguay, yeah, or gay camp or something. Oh, geez. Yeah. And it was just like, oh, you psycho. And then he just, and then they would go back

and be like, and apparently Kurt Cameron always felt this way. Wow. He was the same guy to the VO for tiptoes. And he was like the gays. Yeah. And he was like, and so they'd be like, and the, I don't know if they interviewed other actors

or something. They were like, yeah, man, he was like the hottest shit ever. But he just like girls would come to his dressing whatever. And he'd just be like ghetto. Like he was just very much like. Maybe he's.

That's not what this is for. And just, you know. Yeah. He might be it. Him and Leo must have butted heads for sure. He must have been gay inside. For sure. You know what I mean?

When you fight it that hard. I mean, that's so. You think so? When you're like, I hate to get, yeah. I would send my kid to gay conversion. What are you so afraid of? You know. That he knows something else is going on.

And he doesn't want to acknowledge it. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. Whenever I look at a guy and all his blood goes down. He's like, Leo, get out of here, man. Stop telling me about all these women. I'm going to fuck you. And just, I mean.

Just let's run lines. We have to ask you a question. Yeah. Okay. Christina seems to think that I find certain things funny that she doesn't find funny. I got to go pee now is a great time. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

You got to be here for this. I got to pee. So this segment is called horrible or hilarious. You just watch it and you just react. Great. We just see what happens. I love these two. I love these two.

I love these two. Is this funny to you? Fucking fuck. Look how much you like that. You're going to murder me in my sleep. Okay. Horrible hilarious. So far it's a great intro.

Another great thing. That's just an intro. Yeah. So here's the clip. You got to watch too. I know. I don't want to, but I will. Okay.

Here we go. Oh, it's going to be, uh, oh, shit. Oh, God. Yes. Yep. This is the difference between guys and girls. When they say there's no difference in the genders, this is definitely.

02:39:44,520 --> 02:39:45,240 Oh man. Come on. There's a lot of genders. Which genders are you talking about? I'm sorry. A butt naked window fault. Come on.

But he's dead. You live that on a track? No, he's not. Yeah. No, the way he hit, look, he's probably going to get some sort of reconstructive surgery, but. Yeah. He's bruised.

That garbage kid. Yeah. He's bruised. That's the other thing about dudes. There's resilient. Like he's probably falling out of a tree as a kid like that. She's, she's so sad. Yeah, but Ally pictures my son like.

You're something not doing this. Yeah, but he might one day. What was that guy escaping from? I don't know. But something that with a lot of clothes. Yeah. Because he was, he was really trying to get out of there. Can you imagine me in that situation where like if the guy,

like I, I got me usually pictured like he was with some girl and the guy came back and he's like, I just got to get out now. And you don't even have time to think and there's only one way out. That's the guys there. That's what you thought. That's exactly what happened. So he got outside and the guy was like, you really going to jump out the window?

You know, I'm just, I don't know. It seemed like it wasn't, it seemed like it wasn't in America where that was happening. It didn't seem, it didn't seem local. It didn't recognize the trash can. You didn't recognize the font of the trash can. That's true. Wait, what did you think was happening?

That's the only storyline. Oh, I thought it was like my immediate thought was this is a mentally ill man hanging out outside of his window. No, he's having an affair and the, and the other guy. I'm telling you what I thought. We'd have to find out more information. Yeah, I think he was like, I'm going to go change the thermostat.

And the next thing you know, he's outside and his roommates are like, he does this a lot. He's a little off. Yeah, yeah. He's touched. And then he dropped. Is it, do we see some, but here's the thing though, is somebody in the, in the building, the room that he was in.

Yeah. No, see what I mean? Like no one's there like pointing, grabbing. It's like he's alone. Well, maybe the wife is dealing with her husband right now. Does he sleepwalk? The husband probably wants to murder this guy. He's not really trying to pull himself up.

And did he let go? No. Oh, he's probably stuck. Oh my God. I love the one person there that just had no clue someone was hanging. I know. All right. Yeah, you're right.

She turned out over here. What the fuck? Over here, someone. Damn it, Darren. This building's full of naked dudes hanging outside the window. Oh yeah. This person doesn't real. You're right.

Yeah. See, she turns around. Holy. Imagine you're just walking. Oh my God. I don't like it. Like boom, right? I don't like this at all.

Let's just carry her laundry. How about Mr. I don't even flinch. This guy was just like. He was waiting for it. Maybe that's the guy. Maybe that's the guy that was in the room. No. And then he's outside the window and he goes,

he goes, go ahead, hang out there. I'll meet you downstairs. Yeah. Yeah. Because he doesn't even flinch. Doesn't even flinch. He bounced off that trash can. It's so nut.

That's a lucky fall too. Because he is fine. Yeah. Yeah, he's all right. If you miss those trash cans, that's it. That's a wrap on the day. So what's the vote? Horrible or hilarious?

Hilarious. Yeah. Christina. You guys are sociopaths, both of you. And you have no blood in your body. No, no. I think that's what you mean. In your chest.

No. No. It's holidays. It's rude of you to say that. Now, do you find physical stuff like that funny at all? Is it because he wasn't clothed? No. As a mother, you don't think of your son

as doing crazy shit. Yeah, the thing is, as a person of Earth, a sweet person. A person of Earth. A person with sympathy. And I can put myself in other people's shoes. You are good at that. I just don't, I don't like seeing others get hurt.

I don't want to. Oh, no. Oh. Hilarious. Hilarious. There goes my veneer. See? There goes my fucking fake teeth.

What about like jackass stuff? Don't find any. 02:43:08,520 --> 02:43:09,560 He loves it. But you know why I love it? Sociopath. No, no, no. Because it's not.

You're one of us. Because it's not accidental. Those are adults. They're consenting. And they're doing it of their own free will. That looks like an accident. When they're accidental, it's like, oh, they didn't want to do that.

So if his buddy had looked in the camera right before and been like, all right, it's time for naked German wall jumps. Yes. And I'd be like, you fucking idiot. Yeah. Totally. Different story.

Fair enough. About last night is the podcast that Adam and Brad do together. Yeah, baby. You've been doing it for a minute. You've been doing it for about five years. I've had Tommy on, Santa Bullock, Bill Burr, Dana Carvey,

Melissa McCarthy, Jason Drullo. Jeez, Louise. Patrick Harris. It's a lot of fun. It's a big time. Yeah. Big time. Have fun.

You know what, we gotta have you on. You know what, Brad? I'm dying to. You know what, Brad told me when he was here. Did he tell you? I listened to that episode. He was like, you gotta do it sometime. And I was like, I heard.

I heard. Dude, when I listened to him say at the end and I go, you're closing the podcast with a, I don't remember you were on my podcast. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I scolded him.

02:44:06,760 --> 02:44:08,200 Do you beat the shit out of him? I hope so. I just kind of like put my hand down and you go and palm him. Tiptoes. Yeah. Yeah, we've been doing it for about five years. It's a long time.

Yeah. You guys are so sweet. It's a blast. And as I was just telling you, we were, oh wait, no, I can't say yet. Oh, you can't. What I was going to say about that. Oh, wait.

And don't forget, you got to show me. I'm we're going to rap. The porn video. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And Adam Ray comedy.com from my tour dates. Where are you going to be? Where are you going to be coming out? Where's the ones that's coming out? This will come out tonight. Fuck yes. Yeah. Tempe improv next weekend.

Tempe. In Arizona. And then January is Helium in Portland and Philly. I'm sorry. Herium. Herium. It's a hard. Sorry.

Herium in Portland and Philly. And then Spokane Comedy Club. And then Punchline and San Fran. Those are all good. Fun. All great. All great venues. And then Comedy Works in Denver for the first time.

Oh. Which one are you doing downtown? Oh. I've only done this out on pumps. Oh, get ready to never go back to any other club. I know. It's the best. We just did a live podcast there.

Brian and John Heffron and Josh Blue. And it was like, that place is unfucking real. Best audiences in the country. I don't know what's something about the under, first of all, just underground comedy clubs. I feel like are just a little extra special. Right. That's cool too.

And then the way it just holds in the, it's where I think actually I'm going to premiere the trailer for Fart Barrier. Fart Barrier would be great. I can't wait for Fart Barrier. No, is that the screening you're going to in New York or no? So I have a couple of scenes in this Jennifer Lopez movie called Second Act that's coming out.

Oh, I've seen the built boards for that, Adam Ray. Couple of scenes. And it might be, I've been told a couple of scenes. It could be a couple of lines. But yeah, it's always fun. But I don't know. But the director of it, I've known for a little bit. It's Peter Segal.

He was directed Tommy Boy in like 51st AIDS. And Nutty Professor. And so he threw me this whole thing. And I just want to go and hang on. I got a buddy that's going to go with me to the premiere. That's awesome. Speaking of Segal, Stephen Segal makes movies too. Yeah, his movies are really good.

You may want to be in his. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's actually why I'm here. Oh, really? Yeah. We have a direct line. I know you do.

Yeah. So bridge the gap. I'll tell you what, as soon as we're done here, we can get your audition together. Oh, I already have a self tape ready to go. Oh, good, good. Like in a file. You have a zip drive.

Yeah. It's me doing all the lines of Gary Oldman from Tiptoes. Tiptoe. Tiptoes. Adam Ray, hilarious comedian, go see him live. Listen to his podcast. Thanks for coming out. This is a blast.

You guys are, I mean, you're the best. Thanks for having me. This closing song is called A Very Handy Guy by Yahweh. I don't know. That sounds, that's what it is. Yikes. They send in the songs and we just play them. Thanks a lot for listening.

We'll see you guys next week.