Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 481-Dr. Drew, Ryan Sickler, Andrew Santino-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: January 9, 2019

It's finally here. We have moved...Inside Studio Jeans and we got our friends together to celebrate the new space and their new shows.  It might be an upgraded studio but it's still Tommy and Tina and all the wonderful clips and conversations that keep your jeans so high and tight.  When Christina was anxious last week what did Tommy show her to calm her down? It may not have been the best idea.  PLUS, Louie CK's new set was leaked and ripped to shreds. T&C weigh in.  AND, they are joined by Dr. Drew to discuss his new podcast, Dr. Drew After Dark where he examines clips from YMH and how Tom and Tina reacted to them. Plus Drew will talk to a comedian and explore what's going on under the hood with them.  AND Ryan Sickler steps in for a hilarious conversation and to talk about his new podcast, The Honeydew. Sickler will have rotating guest hosts, and guests to discuss low points in their lives and how they found their way up and out of them. All the podcasts will be available on their own RSS feeds for download or on YMH Youtube channel. Pull em up! Finally Andrew Santino stops in and once again kills it in the guest chair. His new show, Whiskey Ginger

Well, I guess it's official We're finally here Inside studio Jean. I'm Tom Segura. She's Christina P. Big titsky That's rude And we did it We're in the studio and let's get physical. Let's get physical making a palm cast. Oh my gosh. Can you believe it? What do you think of this? That's amazing. It's amazing. We'll get into it. Okay. Let's go through these dates It's official, man. You know, I mean Tommy Salams

All right Should I start talking? Okay, here we go. All right guys just so you know January 10th Comedy store main room. We're almost sold out Your queen jeans is going to be headlining but guess who's added to the lineup Tom Segura Josh Potter has just agreed to do the show and so many others is going to be a fantastic night There's just a handful of tickets scoop them up if you're in LA January 31st or February 2nd Denver, Colorado

comedy works February 23rd West Salem Springs, Oklahoma at the Cherokee Casino February 28th through March 2nd Madison Wisconsin at the Comedy Club on State and then April 4th through 6th many Apple tits at Acme May 10th and 11th 10 B at the improv June 20 through 22nd Washington Dick come At the dick come improv Christina P on line for tickets. Thank you. All right This weekend. I'm in San Diego. I have three shows at the Balboa Theater the 11th and the early show on the 12th are sold out but The late show still has probably some singles

So I would try to get those if you are in San Diego Let's see, Oklahoma City Is all sold out. There are late show tickets for the Houston show at the Revention Music Center. Is that how you say it? Yeah, Revention Music Center. Who's that? That is the 25th January 25th and Then the 26th is sold out, but we added a show the 27th There are a few tickets left there if you want to go. That's at the majestic Go to Tom scurra.com Click on the tour page and get tickets there. All right. Oh

My god, well, oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god It's gonna it's worth it's about to go down. We are in the new Studio studio jeans we're in studio jeans There's so much to talk about so much to get into yeah, but as always we have to get the show off to the right start let's kick things off in the new studio with an all-new clip and We'll cover everything. I can't wait. Are you ready? I'm ready. Let's do it. Jean new monitors. Yeah For all your beautiful women you feel me this let me eat you one time This let me eat you one time and you're gonna I guarantee you you're gonna you gonna ask me to stay to your house

You gonna sleep for three days my baby This shit is big time. Oh, it's random. Don't bring anyone loving to this. Don't momma in the fucking stand Welcome Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura Christina Pajitz and Christina Pajitz Welcome to your mom's house Oh

I Know see that it says next stop brown top at that. It's my lipstick some lady. Well It's official. It is official and and your mom's house is continuing to enlighten the audience with these hard to find men and their irresistible offers I I thought this is the new R. Kelly show everybody was watching This is it I guess you've never seen our Kelly before so that's him. Yeah, he's aged a little just a little bit Yeah, but you know still talking about sex by grinding and yeah You know, what's amazing is that like that perverts don't age out

You know, you're like these surely. There's a time where you're like, I'm too old for boners I would think that yeah around Ten years younger than him. Yeah, I'll stop offering to eat girls on In videos or at least the point in your life when you put the chain on your bifocals Which is what he's done like when you've got a rope around your neck to keep the glasses on the eyes the eyes always tell a story and I think Dr. Drew would Maybe say something's going on in the eyes here. What do you think? I don't know. It's just it's not a normal gaze you know

That's not well and and Yeah, I like the way he phrases it. Can we see that? Yeah, because it's a whole nice offer That's nice you feel me this let me eat you one time This let me eat you one time and you're gonna I guarantee you you're gonna you're gonna ask me to stay to your house You go you go sleep for three days my baby, but he's at the European That's when his accent popped. Yeah, the three days, baby, but you might be from the islands Jamaica Well, I tell you this has some of the makings of a great YMH video

You try to ruin the show with that god damn it a little dust in here Well, number one, let's go through it Framing how are we doing? It's pretty terrible framing, but I've seen worse, but yeah, I mean he would make he would make the cut Now, I'm embarrassed to say this man has a shirt on Revolting that he would dare to send in his video However, there is a hole in the hole and he makes up for it with a bandana Bandana is weird bandana gets you extra points He doesn't have all his teeth. There's a couple gold ones. So that's pretty cool

Yeah, that's perfect and the fact that he chose the gold is kind of it switches things up But subject matter is a one point. That's how he That's how when you get When you when you open like that, it's just it's fantastic. Well, and also another Checklist is location location location. Yes, and this one he chose his front lawn, which is bold So there's an outdoor video neighbors sure kids are playing. Yeah It's what you want from somebody That is living in your neighborhood, which by the way, I don't even know that he lives in this neighborhood

He might not I don't think it's his yard because he in his offer He's like if you let me eat you you'll be like stay and I think he's like basically off He's basically this is basically a petition to can I sleep at someone's house? You think so? I think so and the trade-off is I'm really good at eating you So we could match him up actually with like get a lease and a key try it out. This is his this is a try it out If try it out guy was a beautiful woman No, try that guy wants a black guys. Yeah, but I had a jail. Mmm. I don't think that try it out guy would I don't think this Guy would enjoy he might do the beat me like you know piss on me beat

Yeah, he might try it out, but he's not gonna eat him. What else is he saying? He says some more stuff No, thanks. He says some other good all done Next push no push You need to see more like we got it. No, we didn't guess what or I can show you what time it is Sure, never tell you got a man of a world. I could cook for you. Mmm clean up your house Listen when you come home, baby, you just gotta jump in jump jump in the tub with all them bubbles Okay, so I'm definitely on point He is looking for a place to stay. You're right. How did you know that he needs housing?

And He's not a dick. I'm gonna cook right. I'm gonna clean and I'm gonna he's basically this is leading up to I'm guessing I'll eat you right after that bubble bath, but he's saying be clean for me to do that That's always and that's always a big issue is vaginal cleanliness to these guys. These guys are very picky about guys meaning Meaning every guy that puts out the cool cool rational. Yeah, I got you But they don't seem to care about hygiene in themselves, but it's very important that she have hygiene, which is yeah ironic I know this of all the two fees you could be missing to have your front two. It's always unique

Wait, but he's If you go back a little more yeah, I know I saw it There's you can really see it clearly There you go. Damn it and you can highlight that the missing two fees because the one next to the missing is gold Hey, that's gold. Oh, hey, there's no tooth. Well, that's the thing is that he sprung for the gold Why not spring for like the real the veneer, you know, I mean are the implant maybe he's living his best life And doesn't he's not like I don't need all these teeth. I see one or two. He's living a good enough life Good enough life

Need real teeth is I'm living an okay life Yeah, Jean Jean it's I can't believe it's actually here. I can't believe it's finally happening If you can see behind us we are in studio Jean we're proud of ourselves ourselves You look we discussed the motif it is steakhouse meets the people's court. Yeah, we want it to be Yeah, that is true. It's masterpiece theater steakhouse and the people's court. This is a long time coming Yes, I mean the the dream of it is longer the reality of it is You know, you were super pregnant. I went out and started looking at spaces, right in around June

Yeah, all right, so that's six months ago and then found this place I think I I want to say I didn't sign a lease until I think it was September October gonna lease in a key. Yeah, I got a lease in a key in September October and then What happened next oh, I had a guy who was gonna do everything oh build the sets Do the tech do everything and like the day after I Signed the lease so like now I'm committed and I walk. He was like, yeah, it's not really gonna work out for me What? Totally screwed us our member. I was very pregnant floating around in our pool trying to keep cool

Yeah, in the middle of summer and you're like this guy. Just this guy pulled out And you know who really helped who really helped the first guy I call was was Ethan Klein. That's right You know Ethan Hilo from H3 and I was like Cuz I know he knows a lot about production and sets and I was like dude can you and he hooked it up Yeah, you put me in touch with the TJ Moore who built this set and then Nadav our very own bird blew behind in the nest sir. Yeah, he

Came very involved and then we got you know technical aspect going Potter help with a lot of production stuff and then we hired Mel and this great lighting crew and then I don't know it all Came together and then after all this was set up. We were like, oh, it's not soundproofed enough in here So then we had the higher top tier Soundproofers, which we are actually halfway through it. So I don't even know how this I hope this sounds good to you guys It'll sound even better next week when they're Completed with it, but it's uh, it's been a whole

Oh, yeah, well, I will say I mean look we used to film the show next to our son's Bedroom when he was sleeping as a baby. So we've done the show in many different locations above Pilates Studios Yeah, I think the thing this is still pretty good. No, this is still great It's still great, but you know, but I would like to point out some old-school features Just so some of you I know don't like change my therapist tells me I'm not good with change There's a lot of stuff from the old studio if you'll notice we have our dog mask or mascot Gigi Allen is here. I got Webster behind me city connection FIFO with all the dog tits. Yeah

Yeah, of course blue band my one of my favorites fans submitted things of Me as the Virgin Mary bottles of water bottles of water toilets all the stuff you know and love and behind me Wait a dog. Yeah. Yeah, the pup play the terrifying pup play. Who's your owner? Yes but Last time I came out as Polly. Yeah, and I'm proud to say I'm bisexual great, but also I'm so excited and I'm ready for this big announcement Cat eating kibble what other sounds I

Chips in a bowl, yeah Big announcement we're building up Ready do it. I'm ready go for it guys after many years of talk I'm proud to announce behold the fart mic It's here, it's finally here Wow, we've been talking about this for so long We really have been and I have to say so many wasted farts

But I want to thank blue band and Josh Potter everybody for making this fart mic possible I don't think this audience understands the level of importance She put on this yeah for today. Yeah, because I was more worried about you know these monitors Working and sound drops and you know those types of those boring technical problems and Christina was like if this Fucking fart mic isn't here. Why did we even build the studio? I agree because I know how important the fart mic is to our listeners I feel like they've been demanding it for years and if we're gonna spend all this money and time building a studio

This to me is the most important thing now. It's we should also point out that yes right now It just looks like an extra mic laying around. We're gonna dress it up. Okay. It's gonna have its own arm It's gonna have a label own people are gonna know for today for episode one. It's merely a mic but this will soon have the appearance of Special of royalty basically this is really gonna be something else and hopefully we will on it's on the arm We'll be able to pass it over to guests and Share it with one another

Yeah, I was a little upset because that we usually we don't record the show this early usually But we woke up this morning. Yeah, Tom had such great farts at home I had really I took a disgusting shit last night really. Yeah, I had well I had an omelette for dinner and then I watched the national championship game And Bart and airy came over so last year we went to it this time. They came over the house I don't drink normally. I'm boozing it up cuz I got this booze bag friend over and you know I mean for every one drink Yeah, he was like pouring scotch to the rim of a glass. I was like, what are you doing, man?

Yeah, so anyways, that's sitting in my stomach and I had to take a dump at like midnight really Where did you shit in our master and in our bedroom downstairs downstairs? Oh, wow bold I know and then I Got up this morning Well, you woke me up to be fair with the fart and then yeah, I had a few and then I was like Oh, this is not gonna be but it upset me that we didn't have the fart mic at home Oh, it upset me that we waited so late to do this show We should have been doing this show at 6 30 in the morning, right? Yeah, I'm sorry guys. That's the new call time

Well, that's just you throwing money out the window it's true that could have been on fart like it's very true So the good news is we had a lot of bean dip while you're watching the game I'm hoping that there's still some farts in me from last night. We stopped at Starbucks So let's hope that all that is gonna create but I want to make a point here. Sure. Okay. This is a Amazing studio. This is yeah You know, we're gonna do by the way a behind-the-scenes Tour of everything right and we'll show everybody all the ins and outs like to what level everything was Built out. This is better audio. It's better video. It's all that stuff, but it's still your mom's house and

one of our listeners actually made a Quick your mom's house supercut. Do you know who built it? Caleb is it Caleb. I don't know. I'm not no I forgot to look it up. Okay. All right. It's also very cold in here I know you're happy about that. I'm happy about that, but can we take a look at this? This is pretty cool what he built here. All right. Good morning, Julia I woke up so hot and horny just wanted to say I changed the locks on your door If you want to move in you can move in please fuck. Don't ever go back in the past I know because I I need to be fucked a lot man

And I understand when having sex with a guy in the asshole disgusting as fuck Nothing compares to in from jail homeless. I take fucking 30 Benadryl at once at night I'll make you feel like a woman for Right up man after you experience We know who your ex-boyfriend is home, you know, you know what I'm saying, let's go full trial You may say I didn't mean to curse, but fuck I want to fuck you pretty I love to get blowjob. It's right up. You're gorgeous. Let's go have some fun. Let's get physical Have a good day motherfucker

We gotta find out Wow, yeah, those are all the gentlemen. I forgot about the And you can add let me eat you But all the gentlemen I forgot about how Benadryl guys Sometimes in a bad mood He's I rate he when when he goes have a good day motherfucker That's he's alone

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we ever made that good job. It really Yeah, really Sorry, I had to see them all together like that was kind of jarring all the scumbags Celebrated on this show. Yeah, it's true, right? It's like it's a lot really crazy. It is a lot. It's um, it's It's weird when they're all montage together like that. I think it's fair to say I mean, I don't want to be like too Arrogant, but when you see something like that, we've kind of changed the world You know in a lot of ways how just like Giving people a platform to shine that would otherwise

What if in some universe like we've actually helped these guys get laid Yeah, like what if someone right now is like, yeah, like some woman is like how those guys sound hot. That's true I think that'd be rad. Hey, that probably is true. No, probably it is true We have to talk about by the way before we move further along that Over the weekend or before the weekend. I think before the holiday week during our off week so to speak Louie had a set that was leaked. Yeah created this Insane backlash. Yeah in the comedy. I love it. Don't you love it in the chaos? What is happening? It disturbed me on so many levels. I mean, I'm serious. Why what what was the worst?

What was disturbing for you? Okay, first of all the idea That I mean, especially when when people in comedy who know better Yeah, act like they don't is what it what bothered me is that This is clearly a workout set, right? Like the guy just you know, he did it's not a theater It's like at a club in Long Island. He stopped in governors in Long Island, right? And he does like a 45 minute set it's probably His 15th 12th the 15th time on stage since being off stage for like 10 months Yeah, and this is part of the process of how you build

material like you do these pop-ins And then you take that material to clubs And then you work out some dates in clubs And then you take it to a small theater And then a bigger theater and then for him he can go even beyond that to an arena But I'm saying the process is that you remove Your feelings about what he's done. You're talking about comedy now like stand up Now we're going to

You know We're going to act like the uh Well, what what are people saying about him? Let's start there. Well, that's the thing It's like first of all the idea that you're judging a Workout set is insane. Yeah, I get it if you're from from the general public and you're going like what are you talking about? But the point is you do those sets to be kind of reckless You do that you speak irresponsibly. Absolutely, and then you figure out Like there's parts that let's say really don't get a laugh or get a

As you move along right right or you go too far and you go Oh that that broke that didn't bend and then I'm going to rein it in here and there of course And then you you rein it in and you kind of go like okay. Well, this is how I'll You know, I'll make these changes, but if you release, I mean you release the 10th time you've worked out your set Yeah, it's so it that part's crazy to me that people in comedy are like, oh, it's this and it's that it's like dude It's not done and you know better. That's the point You know as a craftsman is someone who's been doing this for 20 years. Of course. What are you talking about? Why are you acting like it's a first draft? It's a first draft

And that so that part made me crazy Then the like just the need to really Beat the shit out of him like his comedy. Yeah. I'm like, what are you doing? Yeah Why are you why are you doing but what are you what you're saying is so people are now saying like, oh, he's so thoughtless He's acting like an old grumpy man against millennials and it's like And it's like well He was always that pov. He Louis hasn't changed his pov at all. It is exactly like here's what makes me crazy

Somebody if you go there's people who go like I've never found that guy funny. I've always said he's not funny. Okay You don't have to like everybody that makes sense. There's I have but people who are like I was a big fan and now Now he's I heard this And now I hate him. Okay. What are you talking about? Yeah, like it's the same sensibility It's the same guy doing the same type of material. He's done. It's like vintage Louis It's the same thing except now, you know something so weird and dark about this person And can you still know that and and like him?

And I think what's interesting and if you look back at all the artists a lot of people that you've loved have been colossal pieces of Shit. Yeah, if you look at um, well, hey, our kelly who's in the zeitgeist now, right crazy stuff He's done and can you listen to his music? um Elvis Presley was baby Priscilla Presley who was 15 years old Jerry Lee Lewis marries his 13 year old cousin To be fair all those guys way bigger pieces of shit right like not even close Right, but I'm saying can you separate the man from his work and that's always the big philosophical I mean, I I okay personally like on the comedy side of things

listening to that and then hearing people purposely deliberately Try to characterize it as a alt right And and now like they're like oh, he's an old washed up hat. What are you talking about? Like even and here's the thing it kind of shows you that if you decide to frame something as such Yes, and start telling people. Yes, and they people go along with it. Then it becomes a truth. It's like trailers

It's like when they were recutting trailers with different music like the shining and making it a comedy Right, it really is about lens and point of view framing except here's the content Here's the thing in this situation like not in all situations, but in this situation. I'm actually So well informed on a subject right that I can't be swayed to believe something that isn't true Like I am so well informed of how this works and what I'm listening to and what I'm seeing that none of the

You know Opinions of others can make me see something that isn't there. Yes. I agree with you there. It is not A hacky no premise. No what he's like what happens is people are going like oh, he said like These kids today are so crazy. It's like well if you frame it that way then that's the premise But if you listen to it and you actually hear what was said you realize it was a much richer concept layered. Yeah, of course and and here's what I will say too is that yeah, we all know what he did It's not right. Da da da da da. I listened to the whole hour. Yeah And I laughed and I haven't had because he's hilarious

I haven't had I'm telling you and I know I see Kamila time aside from you and a handful of our friends Nobody makes me laugh and I was like this is I'm so glad he's back And I really fucking liked it and you know, you struggle with it You go can you separate what the man did from the stuff he does the work he does and hey? I'll tell you what he's fucking funny enough that I think I can't I think I'm probably I mean I just I just God damn he's talented and I was like can I tell you something else? Nobody is funnier when they got nothing to lose

And louis has lost everything And I think it's made him fucking way funnier when you're like he said it he goes What are you gonna take away my birthday? I know fuck you and I love it bothers me They're like, you know, he's he's had to Like you can't act like Just because other people have suffered that he hasn't as like the the idea that This year has been just a peach for him is is is ridiculous to me. Yeah, you know, it's like they're like, yeah But what about the I mean you could still respect that there's other people

That have been affected and still say like it's not like this year has been chill For him like you've been publicly shamed You have two teenage kids who see this and see you all the time. You think that's fun Right, but they're like, let's still kick the shit out of them for his workout set like what is going on I know he's really taken it taken. I don't agree with it, man. I don't like it But I do want to point something out What aside from that unless you had something else. Well, I was just thinking too like when did it be when did we become? Such a bunch of fucking sissies that you like you can't have sympathy for a group

Or you can't have real life feelings for somebody For a group and yet still make fun of them. Like what happened to that? You know what I'm saying? For instance, jones rivers her husband was deaf, right? And so she would make jokes about deaf people And just because you joke about it doesn't imply that you don't have sympathy for that group Do you know what I mean? Like well, you can joke about things that he might still feel sympathy for you So make you do it all the time

I know but but right now i'm saying people don't have that distinction in their minds They think as you make fun of it that you're you're an asshole. You're not pro these people. They do. I think everybody Who gets it gets it in other words people. Yes reasonable. Yes. They get that It's and here's the other thing The people that don't get it the only thing that's making us go like what the fuck is wrong Is that you hear them because they have we all share this like yeah these platforms Yeah, so you see them going like what's wrong with you? How could you make fun of that deaf person? You know and so because you ingest yeah, yeah, they're nonsense. Yes, you go. Oh my god. Everything's fucking my hands are numb

But what I was gonna say My face is frozen too. Just uh Let me put on my jacket. No, you know, it's an here's my theory on these people that come out against the dark comedians Okay, the social justice. Yeah, give it to me. I'll tell you what the theory is I think these guys Are so afraid of their own dark-sidedness. They're so afraid of the demons within them That they're gonna call it out and somebody else are you you're bad. You're sinful It's just like the preacher who's hating the gays and not you know

The homosexuals are gonna burn and it's the same guy who's blowing other guys in the bathroom stall and doing crystal meth Right like ted haggard. I gotta say you usually don't say anything smart, but I think you're pretty I think it's the chill in the air. It's really the chill in the air Is making your brain work. Okay I'm serious though. I tell you what these fuckers that are calling lily out first of all For those of you don't know it's stand-up comic code It is just an unspoken code that you don't shit on another dude for what they're doing creatively. You don't shit on other comics Stand-up not on the stand-up. We can we critique on your personal life

Yeah, but it is nobody's fucking business and free and for these people to come on the general public That's different but it's code. You never fucking do it and and the fact that these guys are doing it It's I think despicable and it goes against everything creative and and there you go that I fucking said it Yeah, I just god damn it. I was bothered by it. I think we're both Do we have a minute? Oh Yeah So Yes

What I wanted to talk about was it was so fucking funny That's one the other day when you were telling me. Oh, I hate you so much. Yeah So what was going on? You're like, I'm really why was I having oh, I was having anxiety about the baby and He was getting sick or something and I we went to have dinner. Yeah, so we're in an uber brand and you're like I just you know, I just feel it. I'm worried about the baby. I'm like, I think he's really sick. He's been coughing I gotta go to the door. No, I just had a cold. But in my mom brain. I'm like, ah, fuck. We gotta go to the doctor I get tomorrow. I hope he's okay. I hope it's not the crew blah blah blah and then I'm like

And I look to you for comfort And and you go here watch this this'll this'll cheer you up No, I just go you gotta see this you gotta see this and I I set up my phone I I give it to him like watch this watch this and it's the The trailer for us the new Jordan Peele movie You know, uh-huh. Is that a rom-com? Is it a a jaunt? It's good for anxiety. Sure because Especially about your children. Yeah, it's a perfect it's um, but the the trailer is amazing

And I was I was pretty stoked. He takes a I got five on it the loonies track From the 90s and slows it down And so it sets this tone for this deeply disturbing thriller And then you were like the fuck are you making me watch this for I said, I'm anxious Like the one thing you don't give somebody when they're anxious is a horror movie trailer I don't know. It really made me laugh about like losing your kids and stuff too. Oh my god. It was pretty great

It was pretty great. It was like here watch the new jody foster movie Thank you for doing that tom. You always know how to really make me feel good. You are welcome Well, look at oh snap. All right. Um gene. So excited We should Take a moment and we'll be back with a great guest Right after these words Your mom's house will be right back

All right, and we are back All right, pretty good We're back with an all-timer a hall of famer first ballot I'm so excited We're so excited That you're here. I love when your voice goes. I love when your voice your octaves and your pitch changes But we're also not just excited that you're here to show you stuff But we're also so excited to announce that you are going to be doing

An additional you only you know, you don't work hard enough. So we have thrown your way Yes, you're going to be doing a podcast out of here. Yes on our second set that we have here Let's be fair. We should be even be calling it a podcast. It's a youtube Yes, right, right. It's a full-on All this stuff you have here. It's going to be deployed. Yes for that. Let's call it a pod for the moment. Sure. Sure a show It's a show. It's a show. It's a show. Um that we're here's the cool thing We we respected that when you first came on it was just like, hey, would you come on and It was well, I was fans of both you guys

Well, that's very nice and I and I kind of knew what your mom's house was I did not know what I was going to be subjected to Nor did I know what a sadist your wife is So enjoy my discomfort or that the audience would really enjoy your discomfort. Well, it's your audience But not only the discomfort. I think we enjoy having a professional opinion on what's going on in these clips To be fair not just the clips, but you I was I was reflecting today when I was thinking about coming over and how joyous I was and And sort of um, I want to congratulate you guys. I'm excited for you. Yeah, and I thought yeah the opening volley with these guys was

Does fart push stool out or not? This is why we have you on the show and I thought wow, so here we are Here we are. We're coming full circle. Did you ever think that your medical Degree oh, I've been to radio a long time and sort of nothing surprises me. However, that moment stayed with me Farts push the shit out of this shit push the farts. That was that was that was on the show big thing That's right. Yes, and then we played for you a tons of funny clips funny Yeah, you know, so um funny that was funny, right the guy that was a snake bite I didn't get to see no. No, that was just audio. Okay Bad bite. Yeah, he's just he's funny people's misery is funny, right? Is that that what I'm supposed to do?

It is and that's why we have here I'm seriously reflecting on all this this morning and the other thing the other thing that Is aside from your glee at my discomfort. Yeah, the other thing was tom's genuine joy at people's misery. He was like, yes Yes, yes, this is joyous and it was that that likes a layer of discomfort on me that I almost couldn't tolerate So that's where the discomfort really goes over the top yet. You came back you come back. Yeah, I came back I've made maintained friendships and and not only that I'm going to be a part of this this ship. Yeah pirate ship Well, that's so here's the thing I wanted to like in summary is that you came on you didn't know what to expect

The audience so loved having your voice In this world and then that's what led to the idea of like what if you did a show? Here where it it's a little mix up of like, you know Speaking of things that you want to talk about on your own lane. Yeah commenting on Clips from the show, which seems to be like a really fun thing to happen. Yes, and then talking to some people too Hopefully comedians. Yes deconstructing them. Oh my god after dark dude. I love it. Dr. Drew after dark That's what it's gonna be and it implies all the fun you're talking about sex drugs and rock and roll And crazy comedians and I want you to psychoanalyze all the comics. I'll do the best I can I want it

If you watch dr. Drew, so fascinated by that. Yes. Is it your own stuff that you're fascinated? And your husband now everybody Every I'm fascinated by human beings and I just thought about how it is my voice in this world Is that what you said to him in this world in this world in this world? And it is it is an alternative universe over here and you should know that your fans are quite Enthusiastic. Yes. I was at a MTV movie awards that I tell you the story No, and a woman flew out of the booth to like I had just gone over and gushed at

What's The kid's name that does shits creek. Uh, it's I don't know. Oh, it's a great show. I we tried Oh, really? I don't like many comedies. Okay. I was talking about Dan. I've got his last day. He's the Anyway, and I leave Dan leave it I was gushing over at him. He's he's the other ones. What's the dad's name? Eugene's dad is the dad and uh, and I was just gushing at him And then I was literally nearly tackled by one of your fans who was like a 35 year old female. I mean not exactly what I expected

Right attractive 35 year old female who like not expecting that he who who seemed sane But was behaving insane right and and I say this with peace and love peace and love peace and love. She was one a lovely woman Would not leave. Yeah, like couldn't get enough like like wanted to be a part of this world We encourage that. Yeah, is it you you did it? I told if anybody sees she's true That came from God wasn't bothersome. It was not bothersome. She was he was much like christina I was an observer of this human behavior and thinking wow, this is a different world that I've become a part of and I better double down. I bet our show on it. Well brace yourself our fans are have let's put it this way

They have transformed garth brooks's social media Right tommy wouldn't you say that we've taken over we've taken things by storm. So just be prepared. I am we're gonna fill you in There's look, there's limited time with you. There's a lot. I want to show you So here's what I wanted. First of all, I want to I want to be a good video. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so Here's what I wanted to uh So this has been the the latest Like thing that blew up on the show and to set it up. I'd love to get your full thought on this. Okay, what's going on? So here's what happened

I feel like here's the setup. Let me just tell you. Okay. I feel like somebody who like Either like needed major dental work like revisions in their mouth and I'm going in now again. I'm like, hey, here we go I'm not used to this but oh Jesus. Don't start drilling. I love it. Okay. So so are like cancer patients Last time you likened it to testicular cancer Yes, getting chemo and going. Oh god. I need this but All right, here we go. So I just went like okay. I want to give you the setup first because it makes more sense this way Here's the setup This man was at the gym. Is that this guy? Yes. Okay

He was at the gym and he sees an attractive woman Leaving the tanning room at the gym Sees that she had signed in at the sign-in sheet. Was this pre or post me too? This is pre Few years, but but he's he's he sees her sign in so he knows her name Okay. Okay. So when what he does is he's think he's on the spot. He goes, you know what? I'm gonna follow her out into the parking lot and he says her name. Is he one of your listeners and viewers? No He's behaving like one, right?

No, this is pretty this is pretty oh advanced. Oh keeps going. Yeah So he so that's where your listeners cut off and the right videos began. That's right. Okay. So this guy sees her He calls out her name. Her name's Julia and she thinks because he knows her name that They must be so she's like, yes. Yeah. Yeah. What do you need? He just tells her like, oh, you know, I Saw you here, Bobby. Blah. I'd like to take you out sometime. She's like, well, I'm kind of thinking about getting back with my ex You know, he's like, how about just dinner? Can I have your number and she goes, how about I'll take your number one of those moves? And she shows her phone because it's in her hand. Uh-oh. He puts in his number and dials himself

So now he has her number So but that's where she goes Thanks. Good night. And then she goes home and the next morning She wakes up And this Has been texted to her number this video. Now. Now. Is she the one that sent this to you? Yeah. Well, eventually Eventually, yeah, but yes, it came to us through listeners. But then we made contact And then we ended up meeting her and getting this story

But so I just wanted to get your take on this as a hello As a I met you yesterday Are there body fluids involved? No. Good morning, Julia. It's me, Joe Just wanted to say hi Wish you a great day Tell you that meeting you yesterday And getting a look at you was probably one of the greatest moments of my life. You were so beautiful

You don't know how beautiful you are to me. I mean just you're gorgeous. You're precious There's more perfectly normal perfectly natural Okay Does he hold a gun up to his head? Why do you please you're gonna go out with me or else? But it's been sitting in my mind when you said to me you want to go back with your ex-boyfriend Please erase him from your memory. Don't ever go back in the past. I know because I've been there And I understand when you know, you're trying to find somebody and you go on dates and

Nothing compares To your ex, but there is that Better person out there and Julia. I promise you it is me Perfectly normal perfectly natural And does he hasn't threatened to kill the boyfriend yet? Okay It's just pathetic like you've never been loved before. I will cherish you I'll make you feel like a woman a real woman and believe me after you experience me

You won't even know who your ex-boyfriend is. Here we go We're going down. We're going down Are these is this all one video I said it's all one video, but it's chopped up. Okay, open up your heart to me in your arms Let's go full throttle I could see me falling in love with you They just I don't know. I just looked in your eyes and I just melt Yeah, okay, so he's still on the pathetic zone. Okay. Okay. I feel bad. What are you waiting for?

You're waiting for it to cross into well, hold on. So I'm expecting I'm heading off I'm expecting either some sort of Totally sexually inappropriate move, which then we get disgusting or some sort of threat of violence I'm expecting one or the other So So, I mean he feels like both are possible, right? So if I were this woman, I'd be like, oh, Jesus Christ Yes, all cops are all the FBI Yes, okay. Okay

Anyhow, I'm heading off to work. This is my cute little home everything you see behind me I built everything every square inch from crown mold into chair rail to floors to lighting to plumbing doors windows You know lighting does he have like some special like instagram lighting in his kitchen? Did you see that? Yeah, it looked like pretty oh like weird like weird lighting. Okay. It's pretty unique. Yes Do you want him to work on your home? No So this is the type of guy you're getting I'm a very handy guy and uh I'd love to build you whatever you want

You're a sweetheart. So I hope this video doesn't scare you. Oh, sorry. That's how I feel Sorry, dude. I just want you to know that. Okay. Okay. I look forward. Um going out to dinner with you. So Let's make it happen Ah Dude, I'm so sorry. What's going on with this guy. What's going on? What do you think's going on? No, you tell me because It's so rare. Yeah, this this layered. Well, yeah, what's what's wrong with him? Oh, man Uh peace and love peace and love. I don't know this guy. I don't know you sir. I don't know you sir I don't mean to disparage you

Why are you guys laughing? You guys understand something you now have a physician on your platform. Yeah liability comes with that. Yeah, you understand Yeah, sure. And so peace and love peace and love. Yeah, this is strictly an analysis based on a video and not knowing this man But I mean, it's a kind of a narcissism, right? I mean, it's a it's a like not really processing reality and not reading social cues You worry that it flips into sociopathy where she's just an object for him Yes, and so, you know, it doesn't really matter to him what she's thinking or feeling because he's decided She's the one now on his defense. How would you say this guy is this guy's probably 45? Really? Yeah, I was hoping for 27

No, no, well, you should know there's lots of this going on in the 20s Interesting. Yeah, lots of stock. This is stalking behavior essential. So I say simple stalking Yeah, sorry in the 20s as an as always people are 20s are just now the millennials they because They what are you smiling about? You're happy with this I'm just fascinated So I have to breathe deep in this place. I love it in this house. Um They are not doing normal sort of dating

They don't they don't form and break relationships normally during adolescence, right? We normally you have them and break them and have them and break them and you date None of that it's all sort of hooking up and hanging out And so when they actually develop sort of a real attraction or an attachment to somebody They don't know what to do with it. They don't know how to navigate that to manage it. So we get a lot of people going males 27 or more like 25 Going, uh, well, I met the girl my I met her met the girl my dreams and we went out And she wasn't so into it

But that was just there and you know, she was she didn't understand and so we became friends and we're good friends And I've been waxing her car and cleaning her carpet for the last two years And now it's time And those two years have been stalking, right? Wow. He's hanging out stalking way And now he's like now you need to now it's time. Well, can I tell you the full story now? Oh, no So he followed her. Oh, she found out where her ex lived So it was a real stalk and then he disemboweled that man on the freeway in new jersey No, I'm just

If you hadn't Please let it go let let's see where I go with it. Do you know why I couldn't because I don't have the kind of cruelty My husband does to lie to somebody and let you believe that horrible It's like that's my dad No, I don't have the heart to torture you. I like my husband. No, that that didn't happen You know the last but he did send a few more videos Yeah, he's stalking now me She was she able to get rid of him or yes

Yes, no, he is aware of his creepiness because at one point he goes, I hope this doesn't scare you like there's an awareness there's And it but it's a dismissing of it, right? It's like right. It's it's like you you wouldn't of course you wouldn't be you know You're not scared by me of course not because it's me And I hope it doesn't do it because it won't anyway because it's me Yeah, it's yeah and and the duration of this stuff and the so let me ask you then for a to me I get very sad. I see a guy. He says usual when I watch your What this is why we're interesting so when I see people get run into in a garage where their legs get cut off

I feel bad When I see this guy You your your production staff has never apparently never seen us in action because they're laughing their asses off Yeah, or see guys like this. I feel bad for them because you know, it's interesting I was listening podcast recently and they're all like the persuasion has become a really hot topic lately I think I think because of trump. That's all he's doing is using persuasion and And people go you must got to take other people's point of view. I see that point of view and I go No, it's all I do all day as I try to put myself in there

literally in their shoes in their body and Feel it not not Invade their body or be overtaken by it but to really try to understand what that is sure and so I automatically see this guy I just oh poor dude. Oh man. It's so bad. So bad. So sad because it is so desperate, right? I've ruined it, right? No, I love it. Now. It's even funnier. So we we've actually gone back. I don't know if you've seen the t-shirt I'm wearing today It says good morning Julia, which is how this starts Let me ask you this drew for the women listening because I in my 20s had guys like this too Who didn't seem to understand boundaries and that I wasn't interested. How should a woman deal with something like this? You gotta

Fuck him You gotta fuck him. I was gonna say that You did didn't you you did? Yes. Yes, we're married now. Is this what you wanted? And then you go get out of here. He built the studio with his bare hands. Me top Uh So is that what you were gonna say? Sorry. No, I was gonna say firm just very firm But none doing that hysterical or emotional I think and and and then that'll ramp it up Well, any contact ramps it up, right? So you have to be firm deliberate swift and sure and then no more contact

Because any contact Reads it. So just how about a nice? How about a deliberate text back like let's say a girl gets this kind of video What is the text back to this guy the texting or emails that kind of is a good idea? Because you have a documentation and just say any and really make the any for the contact here It's what I'm going on the contact the FBI and the local police you are freaking me out. I'm sorry and be kind but Farm and clear In no cracks in the wall because they will exploit any crack and any And they will escalate up to no blow jobs. Nothing. I'm sorry. I know I know they worked for you a couple times

That's why they keep doing it because they keep working right push push. Yeah, true Um, oh my god, please. Okay. Yes. So We've been really fascinated by garth Brooks and I want to tell you why here. Okay I'm not sure I understand why and by the way, it's not that we're mess. We're not shitting on his music or his talent It's nothing. Yeah, he's a super talented guy Who's unbelievable has an unbelievable fan base, right? But he has a dark side I think so and I also think that he has this really disconnected

Sense of like how to interact with right so the so garth book the human being Probably different than the guy you see with the head up there on the stage. Yeah, probably carefully protected that image, right? That's where your evil Especially because of this like Country music fan base where it's like ah shucks. I just like it bacon pie with like daughters So there's something Something bro. I think something and here's the thing the cracks in his real self show in these So, obviously his team was like you need to be on social media and he's probably reluctant

I don't know if you've ever seen we didn't I don't want to do that the initial Do you have when he I've not I've not I've not gone down the garth Brooks Okay, do you have the initial announcement that he's joining facebook or no, is that cute? I don't have that. You don't have that. Okay. Well, this I want to see this Well, this this is interesting. He looks not well here. Well, this is okay so this is he has inside studio g which is Like his behind-the-scenes look for the fans. Okay, where it's a studio and it's it's access to you know Here's where I work stuff out always with a smile. Yeah, everything's always glorious. Okay, every I'm always in a good mood

Everything's great and his wife is yes, Trisha year would year would So As she's doing this she's very harsh especially on I don't know why on women but as He's doing this segment for his like behind-the-scenes show. I think it's like his facebook channel or something A door opens. Oh, oh, he's like just so you get to like what's the welsh guy's name that was on the golden globe with the heavy Christian yes, you know, it's my name finding as I get older as you Christian bail like a Christian bail moment where he screams at the staff you remember that Well, it's you'll see you'll see if it's a certain

Yeah, let me just say unfortunately what I'm seeing Just look at the picture here. Peace and love. Peace and love. I don't look like rocks a little bit of what we call plethora A little bit of little rosacea. Oh really a little bit of piranha enlargement. What does that mean? Maybe some booze maybe Let's see. Okay. So here's this clip. Let's take a look at By the way, nothing wrong with that. Yeah, I know I just want to say Yeah, let's see. Let's take a look at this clip and just we should be drinking this morning. It's a small Small moment. I just want to get your thought

Very subtle Is that supposed to happen? Happy birthday to you Do you think he murdered whoever knocked on the door or no, he would have a word not a birthday I got Look at that. Oh, look at that. Look. Yes. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about darts darts. That's supposed to happen The rage, right the quiet seething rage. Tom did a very good. Let me see a very good seething rage That's supposed to happen. No, that wasn't as good this time. Last time was more real do it again

Is that supposed to happen? There we go. Yeah. Yeah, but you sense it too, right? Like he's seething Blink sos christine if there's any problem at all. He's just blink. Well, I'll be here pretty time every week on friday No, yeah, that's uh, okay, so he's got an aggressive side to him that we didn't know about For sure. Let's just just check check But but to be fair to him, I mean, he's like a crazy superstar Yes, you know what I mean? Who knows what he's used to and can't tolerate. Maybe he's tired and so I I'm willing to just go Maybe that was a moment. Maybe I really like that Does he smoke cigarettes? No, but sometimes he'll talk real sexy in some of his voices

So he does the gutter a lot the fry the That's gonna ask you to have you heard of his alter ego chris gains. Oh my god. Yeah, what is this? You don't know about that. It's the goth version So he did this thing for a while where he put on a different persona called chris gains where he was kind of goth looking And he even photoshopped his face to be thinner and gaunt and more fey and more sensitive and And it was it wasn't I don't think his fan base appreciated as much as they appreciate what this is a backstory for it So that like chris gains his parents died when he was young. Oh my god So he's he's trying to capitalize. He wants to be like a grunge artist. Yeah

He went for it and he put out an album as this and then He nearly wiped the internet clean of it after he decided not to do it anymore Pretty interesting. This is an interesting empire. You guys have tapped into something. I love it. This I'm not a conspiracy theorist But I think you found something here. Yeah, does he have a a civilization on the backside of the moon that chinese are going to do you might Let's talk to tom. He's doing stadiums right now for for his latest tour stadiums. Oh, he's a huge superstar Yeah, it's a big deal. It's pretty wild. But and you don't know we really don't know what that does to people, right? No

But that's the thing is I think a big like a big part of what we're picking up on With him and being kind of just weird is that I can't imagine what that level of fame does to you. It just well, especially There's sort of a confluence of factors is the kind of person that seeks that kind of fame The kind of person that we as a society elevate to that kind of pain fame and then what it does to them This is a confluence of factors. No, it's not the fame itself. Right. It's That seething rage is already there. I'm saying and the intolerance is probably You know just the overworking and the alcohol whatever else

Whatever else, I don't know pills whatever, you know, I I feel like I've got um the An insult dog behind you. What what? Oh, yeah, this is for pup play. It's not sexual. It's not sexual at all You've seen those people that they wear masks and then they pretend to be dogs and smell each other's butts But it's not it's not sexual. It's just a may I see that please tom May I please you want to see this? I want to see that Because I've not seen that I've seen furries Yeah, I imagine this is sort of a furry part But when you got to the sniffing each other's butt christina, maybe that's your version of the dog

Oh, we have it. Do you have a dog mask clip? Well on my show Could you write that down I will uh look into this and maybe we should have a a dog butt play every week That's a great idea. They have a theme or may I ask you your professional Council on this as well the other day. I was experiencing some anxiety on the drive home from dinner with my husband Uh, you know, the baby was sick and I wasn't when it was when we all went out to dinner. No, no, this is like really Oh my god

Stuck with this guy. No, I love you guys. Okay, and um, and I was like, gosh, you know, I'm experiencing anxiety and he goes here Watch this. It's it's really good. It's really good at this. No Is this by the way, does susan know you're putting out like you're doing webcam stuff alone? What is you this is me. Is that not you? It could be let's see. I'm in the middle of my story. You would be required to make daddy come What? Is that I didn't know I didn't put it out. She would be done in a way that you want to do either with your body Or a friend of yours. That's a girl that you can sell a picture and say daddy stroked her

What yeah normal perfectly natural. Is it perfectly healthy? Um, he reminds me of like a spider-man evil villain. Yeah, he's like like I wonder what he's like. I would love to see him in his real life I wouldn't you know, I mean that's the part that I find fascinating Yeah, like this is such a this I guarantee you this piece of him is something that he puts way out over here He and denies it exists. Oh, and then he goes through his life as a bank president Right, you know what I mean? And then what is that doing that compartmentalize compartmentalize trauma That this traumatized piece of himself that comes out once one needs needs attention, but he's like that's always

It's detached though. It's disconnected But the the trauma is morphed into a sexual fetish as it always is. Oh, is that right? It's one form or not? I mean, no, let's put it this way. I'm sorry guys. It always has a let's put it this way I'm not saying there's a direct relationship between trauma and sexual fetishes I'm saying that when you're traumatized naturally it affects important parts of your life like your sexuality Right and so especially when you have a cutoff part of yourself that may be injured and dysfunctional Who knows what's there right that knee is aggressive and angry and whatever so it'll act itself out Hey, good time man. It didn't seem like the healthiest message to put out right did this alleviate your anxiety

I know this isn't the video. He showed me a trailer for a horror film It's uh, Jordan peels new movie us that that trailer Just what do you think of that? Is that like asperger's where he doesn't read the social cues or I think you ought to document these things Just one day there will be a court case. Okay And child custody will come into question and so you're gonna you're gonna need this on this episode. Thank you I have got a licensed physician here. Thank you, sir Listen, you know, it's interesting the the last I was trying to show her that trailer all day So I was like you have you seen the trailer and then that dinner

I was like, have you seen the trailer and then we were in the car and I was like you got to see it And then when I showed it she was like I'm anxious Oh He's speaking of which can I have bird on my show immediately? I sort of created bird. Do you know this? You don't know this. What do you mean the first time you told them you fed him? No, I unfortunately didn't do that. But the first time you told them the machine Story was on a love line. I made him come back the next night and tell it again Really and his he said I should go out and tell this story in public and he thought that was his career began

Wow, you ask him if that's not the case. That's true And we'll bring him on and I love him In you know in the certain kind of way and I wonder his podcast too. We should I should go over and do his and promote All this stuff. Fantastic. Maybe we should all go over there and do it or something. Yeah, that'd be great Yeah, he came over last night and drank a lot Yo, he drinks. No. Yeah, okay. It was neat because most people said October I have uh, I have scotch or bourbon and I you know, I put it in a nice There's like nice glasses for it. Yeah, and uh, you know, usually it's like

Halfway kind of pours how it served he would and then he would do a pour and do it to the rim of the glass Of the nice of the nice bourbon glass. That is rough. That is what are you doing? That is rough. He's like, what? I don't drink. I don't drink. Do I do? No. Oh, oh, okay. So I'm gonna check Oh, but let me ask you this then doctor. Yes. Yes. Yes. There's the man that puts the the call out for somebody to be his baby Sexually, this is a daddy thing. Yeah, and then what's the woman like who who's answering the call? It is also somebody injured who wants to exploit and make money from injured men It's it's a prostitute. It's gonna be somebody it's somebody who And who's also compartmentalized but isn't able to tolerate it to a certain point and

Fuck it. I'll just be interesting. And what about women who make fart videos? What's the deal? Do you think I could do that and what's the you'd be the cake fart type? I think right? She was sitting on the cakes farting. I'm just saying I I know her right tom. I got Is it really that wrong? She always sees, you know, sometimes we've played uh Like uh dom videos, you know, and like there's this one where they like though There's some guys who actually like getting kicked in the balls. Yes and punching the ball really hard to watch Yeah, oh my god. I'm using killing eve yet Killing eve. Oh, it's so good. What's that? You gotta oh, you'll go insane for this right now down killing eve

Wow, it's like a nine-part series, but it's what's under oh one the golden glow for them. Oh, really? Yeah, and it's uh It is she eve She's they're actually in a weird way two eaves, but she's one of the eaves and the um, and I can't explain it without you Seeing it, but there's a scene where a guy gets his balls clamped I don't know. I mean we've seen we've watched these for a laugh and it's it's really crazy to and sometimes I gotta tell you there's there's a lot of stuff that I just don't fully get Yeah, I mean I'm like like I don't know how you physically can can get by Or get a ball. Yeah me too. I I don't quite get it every time we've watched these things

Um, she goes I could do that. I could do that. I could that would be fun to do I don't say fun expresses. Show me one. I want to see your reaction. Let's see it in real time Can you show me one? We don't have the internet. Yeah, clearly. I have to come back. You have to come back Well, that's not another thing for him. Yeah, no, here's what I'm saying And we're actually we're having too much fun because we're actually running out of time Okay, okay, so but but there is like I I will be back. I'll be back and come watch my show here on this platform So We didn't even mention there's a fart mic here too, if you want a fart mic if you have a fart

I love it. Did she say my con? Yes many times. Um, by the way, uh, we had uh New hats made or no if you like these I'm not sure of angel and I'll let you have that How'd you get those my wife? How did we get those? Somebody was working on the the lights. I think right and he came in. He goes. I worked on Drew's show. It was mel Yeah, the lighting designer worked on a show of yours. Yeah, and he brought these in. So anyways, would you like one or? No, it's okay. I want to give them to the fans. Okay. Oh, nice. We're selling them for like I do like your guys swag I I wear the I wear the just glass and the thing all the time. Oh, really?

You know the last stand up. I saw you did you you spoke differently about your dad that I've ever heard you talk about Yeah Yeah, you really I I don't know. It's funny. I because I've christina's idealized view of your dad Right. Yeah, winner and and you were a little bit more realistic. Let's say Probably that's probably the closest funnier funnier. Yeah, yeah And so I I'm interested in that too. I'm as the time goes on. We'll we'll dig into that. Oh, yeah, I'd love to but whenever you say Hear hear me use the word wonderment. It's it's that I wonder I wonder I'm I'm thinking or whatever whenever I shrink does that to me

And that's how I know because I've heard you say right but even when you know it even you know it it still works Yeah, it still works. It works no matter what I know It's one of those things or she goes I have a fan to see that but but but and I'm like god damn it Is that what I'm doing? Yeah, and then she's great. She gets it every time. So is it how long have you been therapy 10 years? I did 11 years and and I contemplate going back for psychoanalysis. Yeah. Yeah. I love to do that. I'll tell you Yeah, anyway, I've got a great lady. Yeah, I'd like to say my life analyst or a psychoanalysis. Yes Well, you're doing analysis, but I I have to commit to like four or three times a week. Yeah, I'm only at two I would want to sit on one of your sessions. Yeah, they're really it's literally

Literally, I wrote my therapist a note years later. I went how the fuck did you tolerate that boring bullshit for all those years? That's what are you really? No, I nothing like you know, I think they get bored. I'm sure they get bored Not only should get bored. I mean, no because she she was very attuned that she was busy attuning to me And that's what I needed and I'm still like, how'd you tolerate all that dribble and nonsense for those years? Like thank you for just sitting through that because there really wasn't anything to complain about I have a good life. No, thanks. So no, I'm glad you're trying the trauma. Did you resolve here? Yeah, my parents were shitty. Yeah Oh, that's yeah plenty to complain about. Yeah, so I did it for 10 years. Yes. I meant to live But that's how long it takes to get into the I know and I had sort of trauma light compared to what some people experience

Do you know what I mean? So yeah, but don't don't minimize your trauma. Thank you. Thank you It's valid, but we celebrate trauma on this show. Oh, yes, you do. Yes, you do Is there more video for me? Is there one more? I don't know come daddy's was that it? Well, we want it to be cognizant of your time. Yes. Yes, and I'm really kind of running out and stuff But I'll come back to do we have two on the on the books now. We're gonna do already Yeah, there's a couple things we definitely have to show when he comes back And we got to get deep into the dog thing because I think Well, the smell the part I understood the smelling of the button

Well, I mean he talks about smell creating your own smell to like smell you stop. I'll get to see this Yeah, it's so gross He goes when you think on the crack it is Yeah, he does and smell it. Oh that is that it's only smells. Okay. It's only smells That's different. That's a guy. What's he saying? That guy said it's only smells rockos a freddy. It's only smells Okay, it's only smells. He's he's having anal sex with a woman And he pulls out and there's some shit on his dick and then she's like, I don't want to do it anymore. He goes It's only smell. Is this okay?

To get her to keep doing it, you know, they just they just no, I don't listen. I just speak volumes about men Yeah, that is his kneecaps be bleeding on falling out. It's just just a little bit of flesh food. No, we do keep going Keep going and they do keep going. That's the amazing thing. He really is To me the more amazing part is not him, but the woman that he's going well And I'm like, what the hell we also have clips of delusional men who are like missing teeth and Clearly disheveled and they're like, I want a virgin. I want a woman who 120 pounds only the best for me And you're like, what is wrong? Well, can you play can you play from real quick? She seems like a minute just today's opening clip just the first like

Just to get him like Sauced up properly. Well, just to see like, what would you think is going on with this guy? You know, I mean like Whenever you open with that, tom, I get a shudder down my spine. What's going on with this guy? Yeah, I just want to see what do you think what's going on? You know, right? Yeah Go ahead for all your beautiful women. You feel me? This let me eat you one time This let me eat you one time and you're gonna I guarantee you you're gonna you're gonna ask me to stay to your house

You go you go sleep for three days my baby and he goes on. I love him. He's pretty great, right? I even love with him. He offers to cook and clean. Oh my god. He just says just take a bath when you get home If I were a woman, he'd be my damn fucking bring my husband. Yeah, how could you not be just overtaken by that? And somehow somewhere really put together somebody actually went for that. Yes. That's why he's able to do that I would like to know who it's probably a mirror image. I'm expecting I bet we can find her in your video pile too. Um, but now I'm wondering I'm really wondering what's going on. Is he is he on the streets? Do we know it looks like uh, it looks kind of like that, right?

Yeah, it's a yard somewhere It's astonishing to me there's this this world of of Of schizoids schizo effective schizophrenia that sort of zone. Yeah the things they can believe about themselves And and their place in the world is always just just delusion It's delusional and it may and it may be subtly delusional like you can call this subtle if you want. Yeah, I'd call that kind of subtle Uh, and it's to me. That's just I just I just it's one of the I have zones where I like I can't like process

This is one of those zones. Sure. You can't relate I can't relate because I have low self-esteem and I don't feel I feel small and not important and stuff and to have Somebody go hey, man, let's go. I'm the bad right. I should be the president and the truth is you could probably eat somebody real well But you're just yeah putting out videos like that And maybe he'd have to like build up to that point where you could actually engage in said behavior Call me crazy. I'm calling me fucking crazy I this is gonna be bad for my soul. This is going to be bad for my soul. I know it That's why I'm having this horrible thought like oh, what have I done?

It's gonna be great. Why but why do they not have this is why I know I've got a problem. Why do they not have teeth? It's always part of it. Isn't it? It is part. That's that's listen. Where's your checklist on these videos? There's poor poor lighting Poor topic the teeth are missing. Yeah, it's in it. You usually you go. Oh, there must be math or something else But it's not necessarily drug addiction. It's in that schizophenase schizopheno forms schizo effective And some of these people can be in kind of kind of in the world. They just aren't really in the workplace Right, you know what I mean? Like they're they may be dependent on somebody and they may kind of look sometimes Semi normal and these days they get caps and things and see you if they have like a family that's taking care of you

You miss the teeth part, but the teeth is a is a clue. Yes. I think so too. How fascinating Because part of not being in the reality, right? Right that this is all a mess and oh, well, anyway, let's go eat this chick Oh Right That enough we will uh, we'll go on that dr. Drew. I hope your fans are happy there. This is a That's fantastic. This is amazing and you're gonna be here a lot. I'm going. I'm going down I'm going with them. I'm going and if I need to stop now, please

Um, go to doctor dot com and give me your thoughts Uh, absolutely. Yeah, but as now I'm I'm going with them and where else can people find you this pod? You can get a doctor dot com. Everything will be a doctor dot com. Yes, and your instagram. What is it? Uh, dr. Drew pinsky and I'll do some instagram lives and stuff and maybe we'll do instagram live like maybe a routinely starting these shows Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I just want to say that the uh, the new show He'll be doing will be available on this youtube channel on fridays Um, and also be available to download if you want to listen to it. Um, it'll be dr. Drew After dark after dark. All right. D d a

D a d d a That came a fucking spell. Yeah, d a d d a dad. It's gonna be the dad We'll be back to talking about farts and dicks after this quick break Um, so real quick. I know thank you for sticking around an extra minute. We were about to just jump off. Yeah, but uh, but we couldn't resist one of our producers and and a great comic and and friend josh potter Uh, we were talking about this the other day Um, josh go ahead and tell what what happened. Well, uh, so dr. Drew I just want to preface this by saying my first job in radio

Was board-opping love line really when I was 19 Uh back years ago. We're what studio we've had many many. I worked for 103.3 the edge in buffalo new york Oh, okay. So you're okay. So you were one of our affiliates. Yes. I was just board-opping not your it was a satellite Got it. Yes. Yes had nothing to do. So I listened to the show often and uh, I decided I needed help with something so I'd call in and I called in uh, and told my problem And then you said, oh boy another delayed ejaculation call and then you hung up on me And as a person who does radio that's what happened. It was corolla. He's the one probably as a person who does radio

I understand why you did what you did the show needed to move and you needed I wasn't in control of the phones So it wasn't me. I'm sure no. I think it producer may be hung up on. I think corolla, but go ahead. Okay. Yes No, so I I never got the answer. All right. Here we go. And also it's still Well, yes. Yes, and go well. No, so I mean it is still an issue and I have not I've not read it It is the fact that I I can stay you have delay. I can maintain. Yeah, I just cannot go over the top What's that all about? So I I'm thinking of more of a biological thing that people want to make it a psychological thing That you're not willing to be open and free and you give of yourself to the person kindergarten teacher beat him merciless

Okay, well, there's that By the way, strangely, that's what happened to me. My kindergarten teacher grabbed me and shook me to my I almost said shaking babies in there. Yeah, I saw I got have a kid have that done to him in my kindergarten Yeah, well, maybe we were in the same kindergarten pinecrest. Okay. I'm sorry back to god. Just dick. Yeah, so Are you ever able to I have like twice? Okay, so what I can when with myself, of course Right. So what he unfortunately has to do is bring himself right to the point Has he knows how to do and then include his partner in the is that all in his head then? I I really think it's it's it's it's very hard to treat

And I think one of the reasons is very hard to treat it because it is so biological It's just I I understand it the guys that tend to be more on the premature side. It seems incomprehensible But that's because that biology is so very very different And uh, there is no I mean people talk about treatments. I think I've never seen anything That's really very effective other than you got to work. We have to have a steady partner You have to work with him or her regularly on this and they have to be sort of willing to kind of go along with it So a big thing would be like a regular partner would probably I just need someone who can push the right buttons No, it's actually not that it somebody is willing to

Watch you or listen to you or or have you do what you need to do and then and get themselves involved in that in various ways We got to start with a coffee date first I think the video we learned earlier on the show send a video Yeah, maybe with a full on how to and you hit that they are into that Now do you have like really kinky little secret things that you do to get yourself off me? Yeah, no not at all I'm pretty standing. I think I'm very mundane Whatever it is, you got to bring that to the end but basically all sex though just ends without you finishing Yeah, and you know some girls love it all all right. It can be very effective, right? Yeah, but but all like here

Every time Tom asks a question about it. I keep thinking I'm fast. I'm fast. How's this work? I'm fast I'm super fast. I understand. I saw that every question you asked. We have two small children. Yeah. Yeah. I mean without kids. I'm still just like that, but But I mean, I'm just I'm just amazed though. I'm just amazed. I'm saying like I want If if we can get anything out of this show, it's just for josh to come So that is it is it possible? Yeah, you'll have to keep tuning in really this will be going. So okay. Will you help out? Will you help josh jaculate? Nope. No, I don't mean with your hand But will you talk to him? I'll talk to him. Can we do it? But will you talk through it more?

Of course. Okay. Okay. I want josh. Okay. You want to finally be that guy. Thank you, dr. Drew Oh my god I can't wait some day great. That'll be you one day. Yeah, baby. Can't wait. All right. Thanks. Thanks guys, api And we're back. Uh, we have switched out guests. We tossed one into the trash And we picked up another one This guest is a long time friend who I would bet you to say is even It's like a son arm deck

One of my good buddies one of your good buddies a great comedian a great podcaster ryan aka sickle cell Yeah, hey, thank you. Welcome. Welcome. Look, I'm very excited to be here at day one Of your mom's house studio. Yes. It's studio jeans is what you're oh, is studio jeans inside studio jeans Oh, I'm inside studio jeans at your mom's house. Yeah. Oh, I just got to learn the lingo Yeah, that's gotta learn the lingo man studio jeans at your mom's. Uh, yeah, you were asking about my pup play mask Yeah So well, I was asking about that mask. You clarified that it was a pup play mask. That could have been a halloween mask No, it doesn't look sexual. No, it's

The eyes do the eyes scare scared me and a couple of friends a guy They're nice guys and we just hang out and we put how many of these we put like seven guys We're getting cages. We put tails in and then a guy basically trains us, you know to be outside one inside A dominant one in or you got an outside. You got like a sick outside owner outside the cage and he commands us owner. Yeah, he's our owner. Yeah, but it's not sexual again It's really just a way for guys to hang out get to know each other and just chill dudes that want to just relax It feels like it. Yeah, I got I got a rock wilder mask at home. I'd love to come play with you guys A rock wilder, that's my favorite rock wilder and

Rock people in maryland. I used to hear these dudes always call a german shepherd I heard a guy one time called a gerberman shepherd. I was like, you got doberman and german shepherd all wrapped up wrong, brother You know german shepherd, you know, you have such a unique accent I know it's like mississippi or something like that, but Mississippi we were we were going over because christina doesn't know how to say certain things Could you tell me I saw that you did see that? How do you say that word the mini word the full version miniature miniature

Minna not miniature. It's miniature. It's not and I'll tell you what it's many the queen's english says miniature miniature There's no queen over here Number one in jean studio. There is I'm gonna get that right queen Here's a here's a true test. Go ahead. How do you say the the wax? That you color with a crayon, okay versus what else is the other option crayon or crown No, crown. You have a crown. I've never heard that queen's english wears a crown, but I don't fucking color with no crowns

I've never heard you've never heard crown. That's really from deep in your neck right crayon I I did get crown a lot from kids in school like hey, ryan. Do you have any crowns and I'm like, mm-hmm But you knew it was 64 of them right there. I'm like none of these are crowns Now also, there's a word that I've been saying incorrectly that I just figured out. It's dissociation Not disassociation I've been saying it incorrectly for right my entire life. I just how about um, I'll be honest. I don't even use that word C-o-m-b-a-t-i-t-i you know Come back. Oh combative. I was saying combative. I said combative for like 40 years

You're making you're gonna make me confess something. Oh, there's a word where I add that extra i and it's uh, oh What the fuck is it? I can't say Oh, I gotta think of it. It'll come to me. There's one where I add an i too and I'm like, it's not it's not there Fuck. Yeah, uh, we wrote down some other ones. It is with kays Kays plural people throw the s on the end. Oh, do we have the words? Oh, right? Yeah, Nordstroms too People always throw a Nordstrom. How do you pronounce this word ryan? s-t-a-t-u-s Status status not status. Yeah, I say status. Yeah status, but some people do say status

What about d-a? What about d-a-t-a? Data I say data on that I say data to you. I'm gonna data. What do you say? I think I go more data data. Yeah, data. What about that school in indiana or also the You know n-o-t-r-e where regards just play the concert. You mean Notre Dame? Yeah You said it right. I didn't say it right. It's Notre Dame. God damn it. It's but that's it. It should be Notre Dame He's right. Yeah, I mean but in america. It's Notre Dame. It's Notre Dame I said not so dumb. I say this especially if I'm hanging out with like college football buddies You know you get that you get that?

Yeah They love it. They love it Fans here are really into that. I'll bet. Yeah, that's a Hardcore college football fans. Love. What are you guys wearing in your ears right now that aren't the headphones I have on my head that they're sitting here next to you as fuck, but these are these are inner ear ones. Yeah Oh, yeah, I had to put on my winter jacket because it's so cold in here It's it's yeah, it's studio cold in here feels no shit. You're alert though I'm wider. I'm on point Notre Dame

Notre Dame Notre Dame Um, have you ever had this uh ryan where you're talking to somebody you're having a normal conversation and you ask them like a Basic question like where you from and then they have to close their eyes And they're talking to you like this like ask me where I'm from christina. Where are you from? Well, I was born in Windsor, ontario canada and then I Moved la when I was you've asked someone do that shit to you that was five seconds where if I see that my ass is gone

You ever see that that's your window to run. Yeah Yeah, you get that a lot. I have seen that like when you engage someone out of Kind of kindness and humanity like a toll booth guy or the guy in the lobby and you're like, how's it going man? He looked funny that you asked And start and he's like, yes, you're the first guy that asked me that shit today And I'm gonna tell you all of it. I'm gonna say wouldn't you want to start with childhood and you're like, what the fuck Here's my book open up to the chapter one right there. We'll start now. I'm gonna put it on Damn it. It's like your drivers that you keep text to me about they love to tell you way too much

Those drive the same guy that's the same guy. Maybe that's not that crazy if it's the same company But the same guy in different the first time he picks me up He this guy He picks me up and he goes terminal six today, sir And I go, yeah, it's a nice nice guy. He's wearing a suit big, you know SUV like a suburban And I start emailing and then make a phone call and when I finally hang up I look up I realized we're pretty close to the airport

So I go, oh, we're making a pretty good time. He goes because I fucking drive man And I was like shut up. He goes, oh, you know, you see this hands on 10 and two kind of shit I don't fuck around. I fucking drive man. Okay, and I go, yeah And he's like, you know, you see a lot of stupid shit out there. I mean all the professionalism just come on He goes, you see a lot of stupid shit a lot of times you wonder why is this stupid shit happening? And you pull up it's because there's a stupid motherfucker in the cop And I was like, yeah, true. That is true. You can drop me out here if you want I feel like he's like he's like ramping up and then so I text both of you guys about that guy

two weeks go by I see I walk out with my bag go to the airport. This time. I see a sedan nice a nice car and You know, I hand my bag and I'm like, this this is the guy I think, you know, I don't say anything He's like, how you doing put put the bag in the car in the trunk And I get in the back and he closes the door. I go This is a nice ride and he turns he goes. I call this the pussy car Are you kidding me? I swear to god

Immediately the pussy car. Can I sit up front? And then he starts turning around he goes, oh everybody like this, you know, everybody wave at me and shit And I was like, okay. It's like a nice car. Is it is it something like it's a nice sedan Like i'm Mercedes or nothing bigger more than that though. No, no, nothing flashy draw it like pussy wagon on the back of A fucking quentin quentin. I was a rapist by the way. Yeah, it's not sexy. He fucking turns the car around We're going to the stop sign that is 40 yards from our house. He goes I'm fucking a couple older bitches Are you serious? I swear to god

And I go really and he goes, yeah, man. He goes, I got a theory I go, what is he goes women in their 60s? It's like the pussy comes back to life And I go, all right And he's like he's like, yeah, man. They just want to fuck want to fuck want to fuck and I go cool He goes the body sometimes tight, but they can't hide that face, man I'll fucking wrinkle. I just don't look him in the eye and I go, okay How about you look straight ahead? Put that sifty strategy

to work He starts, you know, he's uh, he's like, yeah, man. He's I got this other bitch She she's a tease though, you know, she'll play with my dick and uh, you know, fuck around smoke something drink something Then I'm I'm you know, I'm trying to I'm trying to fuck or she'll see she has to go home I told her I sound like I don't got I don't got no time for that shit because when this dig is not the pussy wagon It's ready. Go man. Jesus. And then it's like and what how would you say he is probably in his 60s too late 50s Oh late. He's like talking about older. They're old. Yeah two years older than me

So We're in the car this bitch seed your citizen. How old are you 60? We're like quiet for a minute and I'm like, all right, you know Just kind of like having one of those moments. He told me this crazy story And I'm just quiet and he goes Hey, man, you ever notice when you don't come how that'll fuck with a bitch's mind. Oh my god I don't have that problem. Yeah, right 99%

Score rate on that. Yeah, but that's that's the conversation Freeway and then we put that he's like have a nice flight Drop me off. So crazy Tommy. I know what did you say to all that when he's I was just laughing and like Or I would did you record any of it? No, I thought about it. Then I felt yeah, just audio. I know I wanted some audio He I'm I'm sure I'm gonna get him again. I'm sure they're going to if the guys come twice It's it's like it feels like he came twice last night. He's an old bit watching old bitches, man I don't know if you go get him again. He might get fired He's always told me he sounds like he's job job job. I like this shit. He told me that and I was like, that's cool

Yeah, the guy that's got your life in his hands behind the wheel I didn't give a fuck right. I like that's what we were joking about because he said uh What he's like, I don't have fuck all that tether to shit all these airbags and shit, man I didn't have any of that when I was a kid. Let's see what this thing's ready to do. It's ready to do a semi It's all right, man, man. He's All right, he's telling you he's terminal He's like, I don't give a fuck. I'm not tonight. I'm a photographer by trade by trade. Yeah. Are you serious? Yeah. Yeah Jesus

What a psycho But you have a knack for psycho drivers Remember the guy that used to pick us up and we lived in korea town and he liked to smoke crack I talked about that dude in a in a special How did you find out a driver like to smoke? They're usually actually pretty I was gonna say they're pretty open This dude drug guy. He ran. I mean, this is when like, you know, he's old as fuck too This was like the best option for us at the time for an airport ride Because a crack at

Yeah, well, y'all y'all come a long way to studio jeans. So what is that? I get it, right? He had like a car service From crack drivers. I know So right here guys. I'm proud of you guys studio jeans But if you have the if you need to get to the airport and like you these are flights for Like our middle weeks and you know, like yeah start starting to do. Yeah, we had no money So he would be he was for a long time He was reliable because I'd be like I have a flight at eight a.m. I need to get Henry says right. Yeah

Um, I need to get picked up at like six thirty or whatever and he would be like, I'll be there I'll be up. Don't worry. I'll be up. No, he said it Do you know why though? Because he had already been not partying He was up in the neighbor because that's where he bought crack from so that that that neighborhood's really latino And can I say the name of the street that I remember? Yeah karanda let yeah, that's right That name has stuck with me for some it's such a weird name. You always said it like karanda karanda let it's actually I think you could name someone that yeah, no, you could Maybe like uh

Introduce my girlfriend karanda Sounds like a first team all acc safety or something. That's Karanda let he'll shake it play corner Let him come over let's go over the top Uh, uh, this dude one of the first times he drove me. He's like, I like I like these girls and we pulled up and they were like young Latin girl. He's creeping up next to him. Well, like because we're pulling the stop sign He goes, I like these he goes. I love the little brown ones, man

I was like, okay, and he was In his 60s. Yes, you know, he's like, oh, I like these little brown ones, man Okay And then yeah, uh one time he was he's like you want to you want to hit like as Of what weed? I'm like, he's still driving me. I first I thought you're gonna say crack No, because he would smell pot and drive us to the airport. He'd get high as he was driving us Running a car service, right and never asked once if you're okay with that or the smoker and he was like I mean, he's like, are you cool or what? You know, and I was like, yeah, gonna be a pussy about this shit or what?

Yeah, and then he did uh And then he's like this shit, you know The conversation It evolved from From like him talking about weed. I'm like, yeah, I'm cool with weed and he was like What I really miss is the fucking hardcore stuff And talking about smoking crack. I was like, really? Like you do that. He's like, I mean every once in a while I don't do all the time. So I was like, oh, you still he's like I dabble, you know

When it's time to like have some fun, you know, I'll fucking I like to just freak myself I remember he told me I like to get real high just freak out look through the peephole just Look Because I remember yeah, we were like What do you like about I said because I remember like what do you like about smoking crack? What do you enjoy and he said I get real paranoid and freaked out and I like to look out the peephole a lot and see who's coming I'm like, yeah, you know what until this moment. I've never even considered the fact of Just the sheer volume of humans on this planet at any given point to billions of people

A percentage of them probably do like to be scared and freaked to fuck out. It makes sense Maybe that's what maybe that's what the crack addicts are that percentage of people that really live a high tolerance Enjoy that for anxiety. Yeah, but also I have a high tolerance for weed, but also I'm a weed smoker I would smoke my weed a good, uh, you know Probably two minutes after I dropped y'all off. I wouldn't be smoking weed driving your lives to the airport. What I'm saying is this though Do you ever have you did does the experience exist for you where you've gotten too high and you're a little paranoid? Yeah, so one of my friends is a daily smoker You know people who have like contraptions like, you know, you put this

Volcano thing in here. Get my kiln fire And there's like It's always the newest way to get so high and then the weed is never just weed. It's like there's crystals They said this to the moon and they brought it back and it's got all types of shit And you know, it was in the the rainforest and you're like, all right, man It's like you smell it. You're like this Unbelievable looks crazy. So this dude I smoke a little bit and I go. Yeah, man. I I'm way too high. I'm kind of freaked out

He's like, yeah me too And I go I go don't you smoke every day. He's like I do this every day I get I get to that like paranoid freaked out part and I go Why don't you hate it? He goes. Yeah, but then I like going back there too You know, so like I I hate it while I'm this freaked out and then I go back and I do it again So he likes to live. Yeah in that anxious state But can I tell you something? I get it now now that I think because you know, I'm just thinking about what you're saying Like, you know, you know, you're like done too much acid and you're like, I gotta hold it together

I just got okay, but whenever you do too many drugs You have to hold it together and you're just trying to hold it together and it's like All your focus is in holding it together and there's something freeing about that It's like when people rock climb or do something dangerous, right? You're so present because you're just trying to hold your shit together. You're in survival And when you're in survival, you're not thinking about bills your divorce. It's a good point the children you're ignoring or whatever Two smart things today. It's crazy Do I get a star? Yeah, you have a chart. I'm gonna get you a new hat

Yeah, the hat comic right Oh, I gotta put on my one of these toboggans. Is that what people called beanies? Yeah, she's really cold Yeah, you look good in a beanie christina. Really? Yeah, let me try it out I got to get a ymh one. I was gonna say do you guys sell those because you should of course Oh, wait, you'll look we gotta show you I gotta show you this So this was where I'm watching. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So there's uh, this this these twins were on in australia on australian tv I'm a twin. I should know. Yeah, so check Check this out. They're mixed race twins. Oh, let's forget that

Not sure these are twins. Listen to I've read science. You gotta listen to the uh, I've read science the anchor Like just clearly listen to what they say. Go ahead One of the sisters is obviously black. Riava is white The alma twins come from a mixed race family in the uk Maria has taken after her half Jamaican mom with dark skin and brown eyes and curly dark hair But lucy got her dad's fair skin. Good on her along with straight Look at the guy he said the way mike mayer snapped his head when kanye said george busch doesn't care about black He was like, wait a second. This is live right now. I'm stuck with that

Look at that Glass is almost shot off. Look at she said your white congratulations Good on you girl. Good on you. You got you got the white stuff. You got the good stuff By the way, I'm very observant. I watched down here that the went from 24 degrees to 25 degrees It's almost the same temperature in this goddamn studio right now I know Wait, let's hear it again. Can we hear it again? And is there please tell me some why I reacted out of that What's that? One of these girls say anything about it? No. No. Wow. That's terrible. They're like we hear all the time

Twins turning heads this dude turns his motherfucking head. Oh, he does. He does. It should be co-hosted The alma twins come from a mixed race family in the uk. Maria has taken after her half Jamaican mom Dark skin and brown eyes and curly dark hair, but Lucy got her dad's fair skin. Good on her along with And she says dark skin she goes down in tone when she says that but she Do your Australian is this Australian I'm assuming yes Do your Australian accent again? That was really good, right? Go ahead. The other twins got her father's fair skin and complexion and what

Got her father's fair skin and complexion and um supremacy. Good on you She does go like And the other guy got the good stuff and we're so sorry for you, but Her twin sister. Good on you got all the goodness of the white I felt like a hearsay But don't worry the other sister was not as unfortunate. She got the white stuff the white stuff All the white stuff How old is this? I don't know what you'll do with that red hat, but oh

It's unreal my life fantastic. I've read uh good honor like I said science and um You can actually have two kids From two different dads who are twins like there's a This is what I read. There's a small window where you could actually impregnate a lady twice two different people And they come out the same day everything like this And by definition your twins because you're in there at the same time and everything But it doesn't necessarily mean biologically. That's the same. That's some real ho though right there, right? She's it could be It's a real slut that one

You know unfortunately gave a child dark skin, but hey she made up for it Probably had sex the next day to balance it out And there's a bit of threesome could have been a threesome now I'm chelsea lately once we did a story where a woman had two uterus two uterize and both of them was impregnated Come on by two different daddies too. I think Yeah, and you can and then have both those babies. Yeah out of your pussy Wow out of your my not my pussy Out of your pussy hole

Hey, by the way, uh, I love that that made you think of anything Uh before I forget we have the official your mom's house fart mic So if you feel as though you have to fart during the show, let me know I'll turn it on you have to turn it on and then you go ahead and fart I kind of feel like I was an inspiration Did I not tell you guys you should have a fart mic or fart on the mic or you should record or maybe not Well, let me take credit for something. Okay. Well, okay. Sure. Okay. All right Um, so I can just get up and grab that let me know when oh

I'll play heads up. Oh, you have to you have to power it up. Well, yeah Yeah, you wouldn't want to miss that. Yeah She's real excited. Really give me a five minute heads up if you could right it's got a power Um, I feel good right now. I'm so bummed that I don't have any guests speaking of farts. Let's uh, check out this Check out this It's already starting off good. Check this out. That's gonna be I know I shouldn't eat so much beans Baby what? The beans you cook get into me

You gotta poop. You know it It seems like that something's gonna happen, you know Doesn't it feel like it's about something's about to happen something like if I'm her I'm moving right Oh, I don't know where's the boot in there. Oh, get it up Ah, don't bite my ass. Okay, let out. I'm ready What what is going on with you guys? My stomach just turned. I know she is nothing for her mouth. No, she's not I thought he was gonna fart. I thought he was gonna fart and accidentally shit all over her. That's where I'm at

Well, let's see what happens. Well, we're at your mom's house. That ain't happening Ah Right in her fucking face What is happening, you know, it's interesting we fart on our dog's heads and one of them does not like it And the other one let's do this again. Yeah, I just want to make sure I see this correctly. I don't need to Oh That's in her mouth. That's called b. That's called bings right? Oh That's a lack of respect is what that is for yourself. She put herself back there. He didn't make her

He wouldn't even ask That was her That's how you come. Okay, I mean, let's get taco bell But it's rare that a woman enjoys the that's what that's what stands out the most is that like you'd always I mean If that's the other way around you're like, yep, there's just another sick fucking guy, right? Like it's just there's just endless one thing we've learned during the show There's an endless amount of sick fucking guys Really to do anything but when women do it, it definitely stands out more special. It is special. It is special. She's a neat chick

She is hey, she's making this guy really happy. They work on it gets to go Baby, I got a fart about she's like, well, hold up Hold on don't waste that shit. And then she gets in position face in his head told him to hold Hang on real quick. Yeah, don't let that lose. I want all of that. He did one of those like bite his lower lip kind of like First of all, that's what I like. God damn. Hillary Clinton never did that to me Yeah, never did that to me during that. I've got the burps, but not the farts today. I Yeah, that's a tough one for me because you could be the best woman in the world But if you were like if you were everything, yeah, I mean a good

Person to my daughter great to me. I should say great to everybody my daughter included not just good to her and great to me but If everything checked off and you were like, I'm a millionaire. You don't ever have to work again I couldn't kiss you. I couldn't I'm sorry. What do you mean? I couldn't know that the one Hangup of all the shit on the list is like I just like you to fart my mouth I would be like I can't That's a deal breaker for you. Yeah

I have to disagree with you pass You pass Does it have to be done on video or can that be some shit in private? No, whatever needs to work, but she's like don't you go fucking wasting those goddamn farts She gets mad at you when you fart and she's not there and then when you fart she fingers herself. How do you not? I'll tell you what here's what here's what's here's what's get I'm already entertaining it That is so nasty. I couldn't think about you've got There you are. Hillary Clinton. That's me. That's right. I left you that message

That's back when I was smoking and drinking whiskey real heavy when I was in my 60s So wait back to this so this awesome this angel comes into your life angel now And she does everything right right everything money to like unlimited money. I don't even have to work You don't have to work come here in pocket. She loves your daughter. She likes she's like I love the ravens I want to go to games. I just want to bought you a box Bought you a box. Let's have crab cakes. She's you know, she's just the best You just love everything about her and then she's like just fart in my mouth You know not even every day every other day

I mean look it would be tough. It's all I can think about it's that's that one thing Is all I can think about not everything else you just listed at all like we'd be flying to a ravens game and I'd be like I haven't kissed this woman right here. I just farted in her mouth last night. Like I don't know. I don't think I could do that I don't think I could mentally get better. I would try I don't think I have the stomach Okay, I hear what you're saying that that part's kind of nasty the the shit Kind of the fart particles in her barely nasty. It's barely now. I agree. It's barely nasty You can fart through the fabric of your jeans and that way the particles don't get in her mouth of poo

But here's my thought In terms of fetishes, he's like, huh? I'm waiting in terms of fetishes It's a really easy one to accommodate You're not really actively doing much except for what you normally would be doing you would normally fart anyways She's just enjoying what you normally do It's kind of a blessing in the skies. You have and always have had a way with me christina So i'm going to entertain it and say okay, you're not 100 wrong because it's not me That's getting the fart in my mouth. I'm delivering the fart and when you say it like that

I might be able to power pass it for a few months. Okay, but what if you fart you have to fart through Could you imagine if I brought her over and you didn't know anything and then when we broke up your guys would be like Why'd you guys split? I'd be like Number one. I just can't fart in her mouth anymore. You're like, huh? That's what she's into If any woman wanted that I don't I couldn't get past that I could I don't think I could that's a lot Seriously, is that the deal breaker? I just well, I wouldn't know that like I don't have by the way I've never had that precedent set where I'm like, I'm not gonna date any woman that ever

This is the first time it's ever been asked to me and it's the first time it's ever Well, let's discuss your threshold. What if she insisted on wearing this dog mask? When during your love making does that ideal every time every time it's her thing. That's that's a deal breaker. Yeah She wears it. That's a deal breaker. Yeah every time What do you how do you see in a pattern? What about role playing what if she's just like, you know Just call me like uh Puerto Rican slut or something, but she's white, you know, like she has some type of like race play fantasy or something

What if yeah, and it's like horribly racially offensive for you. I I actually was I had that one time. What? Yeah, I was I was with I was dating a black girl who wanted me to talk to play that kind of shit in bed And I was like nope Really? No, no way. She said call me names. Yes Offensive names and I was like no like what? Like karanda left I was like, I'll go karanda. Let that is it Did she want okay? Just give me a ballpark. It was the n-word. I'm guessing one of those was other ones were just

Other horrible just things and I was like, I can't I couldn't get past the n-word. So I don't even I remember what I should ask you guys Is it cool if I say the n-word? It turns me on Like that Yeah, but she wasn't saying it. She asked me to say it. That does not turn me on No, so she was like call me that that was one of the things just other just filthy nasty horrible shit And I was like I'm good filthy nasty this by the way. This is not Uh

The one who the one no like the girl who stayed at your house And like no that that crazy girl. No, okay That was not another one That was an email and it was all because of an email you and I exchanged and she got my password and read that email that you And I exchanged and that's why she got mad. What is a totally different girl? There's a totally different girl is not that at all But um, I met this girl. She ended up staying at my place one night I left ahead of her and just was like whatever and she hacked my password on my computer

And just went through emails and saw one that you and I had said and it was nothing it was a simple joke um And I really don't remember what it was, but she was just like fuck you how dare you talk about me like that You clearly hacked my password. So I changed it and I was like leave me alone. I'll leave you alone And that was it sure, but it really wasn't anything terribly offensive. She just was pissed that we were talking about her Yeah, what kind of horrible things did the other lady want you to say go ahead the one we were already talking about The end of the show she's like call me the n-word as we're doing it. I mean like filthy How does she set you up? How does she set you up for the rich? She's like a daughter. Did she go like?

Oh, sorry, wait. She didn't listen to this show your daughter. No, she will. She will in 10 years. That's true Longberry how does she set you up like you guys are is it like you're making out for a while? No, well if it was set up this way it wasn't Like this one time gradually got to getting crazier like it was there was one time where she was Staring me in the face so much and we were we were done. I said to her I feel like you wanted me to call you a bitch and she goes I did and I was like holy Shit, and that's where it started like she kept getting at it like Call me names and I was like I'm not gonna fucking because if I'm wrong

I mean that is not gonna be a good thing Sure, but who knew how wrong I was allowed to be and then right, but I'm saying did did the next time when did it come up? Again like in the heat of well then bitch just became a thing because I didn't have a problem calling her that That's whatever if that's I don't mind bitch, but yeah But then you know whore that slut that stuff if she was okay with that. I'm like, uh, that's your thing That's fine. I mean you're requesting it, but so you were going you're going along with that part of yeah It would get a little bit And then it got to like but when the request came in for like for the tip top

Amen, was it top was it in like are you like naked or is it like you're just having dinner? She's like hey by the way tonight. I want you to step it up. I think we were at shakey's Shakey's Oh I really don't remember but I would probably say at that point We were just I mean we're probably even at that point like Still close on just making out talking and stuff like that and then she started like you know, and I was like See, but that's interesting because like you can generally

I mean can't you generally gauge when someone is like game for something like you know what I'm saying like It's kind of bad on her to not gauge that maybe you weren't comfortable with That kind of stuff. I I don't know. I mean It's an odd choice. It's an odd choice. It's definitely an odd choice For could have it would have been amazing if she had said would you do that? You're like, I've been waiting the whole time I'll do it, but only at the grocery store Thank god you asked man. I was just like I cost to this day. That's uh This the same girl. I've said this before on stage and everything. This is the same girl that when we first had sex

She's out loud to herself but way out loud I can't believe I just slept with a white guy I laughed so fucking hard. I was like that is great and then it progressed and I was like that is this turn not great here guys See, I'd never heard this story. I I forgot about it until you uh played this this romance here Get me all fired up here and uh studio jeans mother but you get tight up front Oh before before we I don't I don't want to forget about it the new podcast It's called the honeydew Yeah, the honeydew. Uh, you can subscribe now. You can you can start listening to it

You can get a prescription right now for it. Um The audio I just got that. Yeah audio is going to start coming out on monday's Right Yeah, so we're going to move things around currently right now through january audio only until we get in studio and do video Is wednesday every wednesday through january when we hit uh february and we officially get in the studio We're going to slide audio to monday video to tuesday. Okay, perfect And the studio or the video you can watch here on the ymh youtube channel You're going to be over on this set here studio. What's that set to yeah set to set b. Yeah

um also native Can you jump on for one second you set up a separate uh channel for clips, right? Correct. Yeah, so now people can subscribe to what is the the if you go to youtube.com slash your mom's house clips And that's like highlights and things like it's highlights of all the shows that we'll be putting out from the main channel So full episodes on the main channel, which is the one you're currently subscribed to and then the clips channel is where all the Highlights are going to go so if you want to watch like the three minute thing or the clip or like the highlight of this This call or this animation or whatever those will all be on the clips channel full episodes only will be on the main

Correct. Now. Can I ask a question as an audience member and fan as well? So We will have one your mom's house youtube page where all Uh shows will live that's right and then a separate completely clips From all shows. Yes as well. Yeah, that's great. Yeah, so you can you can just you'll you'll get clips from all these shows So in february you can look forward to watching the show. Um the honeydew on Tuesdays, right? Your mom's house Wednesdays dr. Drew fridays. I'm not sure about there's another show or two We'll know soon whatever

But honeydew you did do the first one. I did with uh, was it josh? He was my he so I'd like to have a rotating co-host at times that I vibe with that I just think also I'd like to have promote and come on and laugh with but um He was the uh co-host for that. Basically I introduced myself to anyone who's doesn't know who the fuck I am which is pretty much because you did the crab feast for years Yeah, and reintroduced myself and I don't know that I've completely got I don't think I ever really got into my story that deep on crab feast I think I did on other podcasts

um And it got a lot of uh, really good, um Response and reviews and even Karen co-guerra for my favorite murder gave it a shout out and it was a huge bump. Yeah, so I'm very excited for the things ahead and to be here in uh studio genes at your mom's house And christina, we're ready to have you man. I'm stoked. I really want you to be once we get cameras up I really want you to be like number one if you can do it. I'll be honored We got to talk about you and I always talk about it. Anyway, I might as well just record it for a fucking change I'd be honored to I think that'd be so fun

It'll be great Tell them what the premise is of honeydew for those of you don't already know So the premise of the honeydew is just highlighting and laughing at the low lights of life anytime you've ever felt Thrown away or not good enough or it could be a life story. It could be an individual story maybe it's a divorce or a firing from a job or whatever, but it's all about um the negative in life and laughing in the face of it and and Coming out on the other side and looking back and being like god remember when I thought that shit was the worst and thank god

That happened and why is it called honeydew? It's called the honeydew because uh, I was eating one night And and I didn't eat the honeydew out of my fruit cup because I never eat the honeydew out of my fruit cup And I don't have a serious like hate for honeydew. I just don't fuck with the honeydew and then when I walked out I saw it Everywhere on the tables and I was like, oh, I'm a honeydew. I've been thrown away time after time And break people's hearts. I wanted to know I want to laugh at that shit because it's it's empowering and it's therapy It's still sweet and delicious if you get a good one. It's right if you get a good one

There's nothing wrong with it But since then I had a fruit cup yesterday. I tweeted it. They didn't bother with the fucking honeydew What do we wasted our money on the after for people been tweeting at me like hey? Here's the fruit platter left at my work and it's like three pieces of cantaloupe and just honeydew Nobody likes the honeydew on a bed of lettuce someone doesn't who the fuck's putting fruit on lettuce I like cantaloupe, but not the honeydew. I do too. I like cantaloupe There's a small percentage of people that do like honeydew Just like there's a small percentage of people that want farts in their fucking mouth from their loved ones

Very small. Well, you're right. The honeydew is the fart. It's the That's right. It's by the way, it's that woman of the fruit world. Let me um put a call out one time we put a fart call out to Guys who have the fart fetish because we're like come on Like are you for real and these guys wrote in who really they're like, yeah, and they explained their whole thing I just want to put a call out if there's any women out there with uh With do we really you're definitely gonna want to hear from them. You're going to hear from them the woman It's like okay. Not just do you like shame her? She's well. No. Here's the specification though

It's not like do you like it when you're hubby farts? It's are you aroused? That's what I want to know Do you want to put your mouth up on it? It's a thing for you It's one thing to dutch oven somebody. It's another thing to just put the shit right in the oven. You know what I mean? Oh god, it makes my stomach burn By the way, do you want to give him we were discussing before sure what you would Do if you could eat anything and never yeah, so tom and I had this discussion a while back You know, there's a point where you turn 40 or even your late 30s where you can't eat shit Or even me like early 30s. Yeah, go ahead

Like you just can't fucking eat the way you did and it's a bummer Like now we have the soda at the house like stevia shit Like you can't even drink a soda because you're gonna get fucking fat So I was like, what would you do In order to be able to eat whatever you wanted and never gain weight like what would you give up? And so we start running through this stuff and I was like tom, would you give up a tooth? Just missing one tooth, but you can eat anything you and at first I was like hell no and she was like What about when he's back?

One of these grandma teeth back here didn't bother back and then I can eat whatever I want and never get a pound I was like, yeah, yeah, that's a good deal and that tooth done rot. It's already gone. You save him money all around That's a win-win. There you go. So we all agree that we'd lose a tooth easy easy easy. What's the next one? Okay? Would you live in Nebraska? Okay, and here's the stipulation. I know Well, I'll say here's my answer. This is what I look like right now I don't live in Nebraska. I'd rather just look like this But here's the thing you you live in Nebraska nine months out of the year

You're allowed to travel you can travel for three months. You can catch spring training go eat whatever I want Somewhere else, but you're eating everything you want in Nebraska. Keep in mind. Yeah, so you know, it's American So it's like gravy and shit Gravy, it's like no flavor. All you do is eat gravy. No fucking flavor. They don't have yeah They don't have like vietnamese food pot roast garbage. I can't fucking hate that shit, dude No, one time I made a mistake somebody invited me over dinner. I was like make whatever you want And they were like, I'm gonna make pot roast and carrots and I was like, I'm not coming That's the one thing I probably should have fucking put on my list. Yeah boiled. Uh, no, I would not do that

I wouldn't live in Nebraska. No even Omaha well No yeah Again, this is what I look like I live in Los Angeles Sure, if the choice is to stay looking like this in LA, I'll take it. Yeah, I'd I'd keep these extra 20 pounds on me Yeah, I wouldn't I'd keep these extra 40 live out here. Yeah

You need that in Nebraska though. Those nine must be cold. Well, now here's the thing in Nebraska, you're skinny Like you're in Nebraska 10, but what if you in your mind are like, I want to be fat I want to be fat then stay where you want. Exactly. Yeah, that's true. No, you're right. Okay. So we all agree We're not gonna fucking Nebraska. That's right. Okay. Would you Sleep in the dog crate with the dogs at night? Like, you know how I put bitsy and fee for the good night Tommy and you go in the crate and I just get to eat what I want Yeah, and I think I'm good. I'm good on that. No, would you clean up crime scenes? Like no, like really horrific brutal crime scenes. There's a then you can eat whatever you want. Yes

Yeah, I would take that. Can I tell you a story? I would take that. No, you wouldn't I would take that You know why you get so desensitized after one or two weeks of that shit? You would be vomiting everywhere Every time it'd be some new shit like an eyeball on the wall up here. You're like, I can't see that This attitude of like a problem is such bullshit, but then I could come home and eat lasagna and eat my feelings away You would not even make it. You wouldn't you would be so physically ill. You think so? Yes I feel like I could just a woman torn open. Yeah, but you've become desensitized. No What are you talking about? Yeah, you've become fucked up Not desensitized, but think how skinny I'd be in hot

To who the dead people are looking at you every day. They don't even they can't even say hey, you look nice lady Like, you know what get my arm over there. I like it here Lincoln You look you a Lincoln 10 girl. All right. Well, would you sleep in a dog crate with my dogs? Hell no, that's easy Or a dog howl. No, that's not easy Okay, what about pooping outside like my dogs every time every time you have to be Yeah, he's no problem. Not a problem. He's great. I pee outside last night a few times. I peed outside We were in the backyard. Yeah having a cigar You pissed in my backyard a number of times your boy. What do you think your boys are gonna be peeing?

Yeah, well, I know but the example And then Bert did too great. He dropped his pants to his ankles to take a leave like a child. Yeah, I'll show you You toddler So I so you would pee and poo in my backyard. No problem I'll be honored. I'd do that even if I look like this. Look. Yeah, because that's oh my god My friend did that at the we went to a ravens game And you know how when the urinals for the men there's like a line of 10 deep and every one of My buddy walked up dropped his pants to his goddamn ankles like Bert did right there in the front of everybody just peed

And I just couldn't I could not stop laughing. I was like, what is a hundred fucking feet? Okay, you have three kids What if what if you can eat anything you want, but every time you you start a show a stand-up show You just subtly say hi'll hitler. My name's ryan segway No, you mean the one time I get to say that I get to look like what I want for the rest of my life I'm good, but what if you gotta say it on talk shows and stuff Yeah, yeah, no, no, I don't I'm good on that. I'll I'll go 300 pounds wherever do that shit I'm like wheel me out. They said I'm ready. All right

What if you just have to work a hi'll hitler in conversation? You don't have to start but you just be like you just have to find a way to work it in Organic you would do that. Yeah. Yeah I'd be like, you know funny thing ryan. I'm studying the holocaust hi'll hitler and a funny thing they used to say and I would work You want to do that? That's easy. I feel like that that's blue band so far shitting and pissing in your uh Would you do that one? No dumb is just Jewish to squeeze in a hi'll hitler Yeah, but to be able to eat anything you want and never gain weight Ooh, and all I got to do is say hi'll hitler. Yes. All I gotta do. Yeah, you have to find a way to say hi'll hitler

Hi hitler like that. Hi. That's a hi. That's a friendly. Hello. Yeah, I would do it. Yeah Dude, I saw a chinese hitler. I saw I swear to god campy if I didn't remember this when I was in um san francisco over the weekend Amazing by the way always amazing amazing shows. I'm walking down uh grant street. Yeah chinatown. Yeah, there's a dude who like Probably in his 30s

He had his hair pulled back into like a man bun. He's wearing like a throwback 49ers starter jacket And he had a hitler stash. I was like this guy Is and he was walking with such confidence. He was like I dare you to point out that I have a star. I'm chinese wearing a Starter jacket Starter jacket. I'd say so he had boots on like like kind of boots military boots like hitler boots Not like no no no he had like Uh, I don't know like you know Like cool the cool guy boots. I don't know what the fuck you would call doc martins

No, not doc martins, but they were like, uh Like johnny dab would wear. Yeah, like that kind of boot, right? And like then so then and then jeans Throwback starters 49ers jacket You sure it was 49er logo not a nazi symbol and then you felt close up or I mean a deliberate Oh, he walked right it has to be deliberate to do that. Yeah, it's only deliberate And you're just daring people your whole life's like I dared someone to say some shit to me right now Yeah, because no it's not like you can't know That's where I thought

That's where I thought you were gonna go. I thought you're gonna ask if I would shave the stash like that Would you no I wouldn't do any of that to eat whatever you want and never So far I will shit and piss in your yard. That's where I'm at so far. Okay. I'm sure you have morca What if You just say the n word to you once no once a day You have to work it in until your podcast Fucking what? Out you will be me alone on that fucking desk filling a whole god damn thing. Oh

I miss that So I have a funny question to ask you guys Is it cool if I say that? I feel like is she on her knees about to do a gang bang with like 10 black guys Yeah, she's pausing to have a conversation. Maybe I should tiptoe lightly and say n word first Weed out this so it's just gonna be seven of you then. Okay Yeah, so you wouldn't do that either. Hell. No. No, would you? No, you would? No, I would not my life your life is ruined. You can't and also, you know

The fun thing is to ask someone like hey, would you ruin your life? Oh, you wouldn't that's weird I'll do it. Okay. Okay. Now you are a twin brother. Do you think he'd believe you if you told him? That you could come in four strokes And do you think that Okay, okay. I'm being serious. I know you first of all, I know you are Okay You smoke meth with your brother This is hypothetical

You have to do this once in your life and you can eat whatever you want never gain weight This is a one-time occurrence. All right. You smoke meth with your brother You masturbate and you ejaculate in four strokes And then he pulls his penis out and he does the same And that's it. That's all you do, but you can eat whatever you want and we have to watch each other do that I'll smoke meth with them once but I'll keep my dick in my pants You wouldn't do that just once. No No, and we share why not? We shared

We shared a room growing up. So I'm sure we were uh doing it around each other I know I was getting my fix in the bathroom and everywhere else Yeah, never once did I walk in the bedroom. But I was gonna jerk this real quick. Why don't you get out here and Play some double dribble real quick and I'll come back and switch Comey fucking controllers. So you wouldn't come in front of your brother. I would not no I'm sure he's listening right now disappointed in Delaware, but uh, I wouldn't do that though All right, well serve yourself. Pretty sad. Yeah

What a square. Would you do that in front of one of your sisters, Tom? That's different, man How about your dad? Yeah, okay. How about this? Would you watch your dad come in four strokes and then you can eat whatever you want? If you could stung my dick. I'd never be able to get so I was just gonna say I'd never be able to keep it down Ever. That's all I'm thinking of. That is so traumatic though to see your dad masturbate. Oh, I couldn't even imagine. I don't think you could eat again Yeah, no, you're not eating. That's why you'd stay skinny. That's trauma trauma and stress the rest of your life

Like I can't eat all right Look, I want to make sure people know it's the honeydew. You can subscribe right now after that list of westerns. Let's pop That was organic. Thank you I don't want to I don't want to get it wrong. You wouldn't jerk on in front of your father Let's just remind everybody that it's the honeydewpodcast.com. I'm ryan sickler on all social media That's the worst plug I've ever had in my life It's the worst slash best I gotta be honest. It's studio jeans. What happens here? Here's studio jeans. Yes. Oh my god

I'm very I'm very excited for the what the future holds here at Studio jeans your mom's house. Yes. I'll be doing the honeydew podcast in studio b. So exciting I'm very excited. I think it's a really good line for you to be in. I think you're gonna have a really interesting perspective on stuff I hope so. We'll see. I'm you know, I'm nervous. I'm starting all over again It's you get out of your comfort zone, which I like that feels good But also, you know, there's so much that goes, you know There's so much that goes into starting something new and and ending something you've been doing for such a long time So I'm very excited and I really appreciate you guys

Making me a part of the family worse. You're always can't wait to shit and piss in your yard I'm doing that for free. And you gotta jerk off with your brother and picture your dad doing it. Oh god That's what the show's about. Honeydew. Honeydew every Monday and then Tuesday's the video Beginning in February. Currently audio on wednesday. You will get audio Monday video Tuesday in February. Wow Fuck! You guys are doing good. We are And that's it. We'll be back momentarily. Thanks sickle cell. Thank you guys And we're back. We ate

unfortunately wasted a couple farts in the Green room here in the lobby, but Who knows maybe some magical happened. I'm waiting right now. I had a bean Casadilla for my lunch. That was pretty impressive. So I'm hoping to have some farts If you have to fart you just give us the heads up. Well, we gotta say who's here Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm excited Our final guest for today's episode is the great Andrew Santino. Thank you. Yay. Thank you

I might fart. You might fart. We have a fart mic. It's a fart mic. If I have to you'll just pass it over here Yeah, that's so great. Yeah, you guys thought of everything at this studio. Well, you left nothing out She was like there's no way we're moving to a new space and not Getting a fart mic. It's a priority and yeah, the audience has been asking it's off So if you feel it, you got to grab it turn it on. It's like, uh, there is no windsock on there either No, it's gonna stick in there. Yeah The fart mic is ironically what every microphone is at any comedy club I've ever played how disgusting does a microphone smell? Oh my god

It's who I don't know what comic said it, but it made me laugh so hard Someone we were at the improv and someone was on stage like like spitting and like yelling and spitting and doing a lot of that stuff And then the comic that was like in the booth by the improv next to me was like I wish I brought my own mic and I was like, that's so funny Because part part of the time you do get up there and you're like, oh god, this fucking reeks By the way, do you realize how it wouldn't be it wouldn't be that crazy sounds crazy? But the reality is it wouldn't be that crazy to show up at gigs. I'm like, oh and I brought my mic And then you like they'd be like, okay, and then you plug it in it'd be like a forgotten thing

Totally, I mean bands people should do it bands who play like when you go to see like a band at the whiskey Yeah, they all bring their own shit. They don't share the same many things. So they're like, I don't want to share that guys mic or Yeah, or drums or like they replace everything and no one cares. It's not like it's a good idea We should start doing that. I think it would be even even funny if we just carried like a windsock We just put it over just to protect Well, I've done shows at a comedy store where the guy before me is sick and he's sniffling and everything I'm like asshole when I first moved to la don barris who does the the the midnight the last spot at the comedy store He probably maybe still does he would lick the mic

No, oh, yeah, I would lick the microphone and like rub it all over his body and it really smells. Oh my god You can get a whiff of a mic and you're like, oh, that's what disease and death And just a horror smell like sad a lot of sad, you know, it doesn't smell these mics. No fresh We're gonna do we're doing asmr right now Right that is so weird that that's a huge I mean props if that's your thing, but I tried watching one I I get uncomfortable with that. Oh, it made me upset But people fucking love it. No nicky glazer came in and told her she's like I'm one of those people But since tingles down my back

I can't because because I watched the one There's this she's actually kind of funny too this black chick on youtube who she she has really long nails She oftentimes will like touch the mic with her nails and shit and people I I mean the comments It's like millions of people like love it, but I tried that's what she does. She does that's her thing Yeah, I mean, she also it's kind of like a podcast too I think like she does she talks and talks about stuff But she just like analyzes like a bag of doritos and she slowly opens it She talks about you imagine that's your fucking lane

And you're like you see my new house in my fucking car. I'm like, what do you do? I open dorito bags and I I scratch the microphone and tom Tom's making a lot of money doing that dorito thing. He does asmr Well, we weren't just talking about it at the lunch break here that You know the the metrics involved like networks will have the neelson family, which I've never met a neelson family I think it's real. I think it's such a lie. I've never met one either But the lengths I've heard of one You know, I mean you know someone that knows someone that has one

That's the only like that's the closest I've come is my friend said that his friends Were a neelson family see but like I don't you know, you know, I think might be the neelson families like there it is Into the mind. This is the burp. Oh you need to oh you need a separate burp and a fart fart mic I think the neelson family. Oh, this is yeah, I don't want to burp and this is too nice I'm gonna be I'm gonna be a polite guest. Thanks. Yeah, you stare at her You just burped in the mic Yeah, I think the neelson family those people when you know when you drive and you see a house with a huge satellite on the back of Like a huge dish, you know what I mean not the direct TV like a bit when they have like a radio

That's the neelson guy. That's who I think that is I remember those in the 80s like people got like a hundred hundreds of channels back Those huge dishes. Yeah, they put them like and they're like sitting in their yard And I always was like I don't know that it looks like it's got to be government issued or something That's what I mean. That's the neelson thing. Like I don't know anyone that's known them direct But someone's like yeah, he lives next to my uncle. He's that guy, you know, he like mows with the mower That's not automatic. You know the fucking right. Yeah, we were just talking before we were on like that mower You worked at old navy. I worked at old navy and I was thinking immediate thought was like you had record sales

I did. I was actually a really good salesman at old navy. I'm not kidding. I really was what was your move? Well, this is really funny. I joked about being the sandal salesman But because like sandals at old navy are kind of like Um, three dollars. Yeah, well not even I think they're like two two two like they're like two for two for four or something They're right by the front register. Yes. So you so like every time I was at checkout I would always just be like you want to grab some sandals or you know, whatever people like without thought would just be like, okay The power suggestion. Oh my god. Well, they're there and they're just someone always goes I guess I need sandals. You always do for summer or if you're going on a vacation flopping around

I'm thinking of like those those weird purchases because you do it with gum like you're never really looking for gum But just have it if somebody says There's some good gum here. Yeah, okay Of course the socks when you buy shoes like you want some socks and you're like, yeah, you have socks But you're like, yeah, yeah, but those are what goes in these shoes. So I guess I should buy those I should buy those too. They should make shoes that come with socks. Yeah Like already in Yeah

So nasty Those are called Birkenstocks How long have you been wearing those socks? You're like like eight years, man. Yeah, man Wait, let me ask you a question about old navy because I've had my suspicions over the years I'm a huge old navy fan fan of the gap. I love it all and banana It's no it's not for me. Isn't that interesting two of the three is cool to me Yeah, but like like banana for some reason is like uh, Bananas like um, j crew's like, you know, lame nephew. Yeah, you're like, it's like office wear

But I don't wear too stuff office clothes. Yeah, but correct me if I'm wrong I feel like old navy sizing is this everything's a size up from the gap But they make it appear a size smaller. So for instance An old navy two is a reality four right or you know, eight is really a 10. Well, you think it's probably because of uh Well, I think old navy's volume is probably way bigger. So they service more people than the gap does right? So I imagine it's because of the average human american body Is a little bit bigger But they do do that right like and I've noticed that the sizes are bigger

But they say that they're smaller I think it's also because like if they ever made a mistake in the sweatshop when they were like make it a four And they just made a billion of them and they're like, okay, that's that now. That's that's our shirts now I think they just have to like stick stick to it at some point. Yeah It's not a true. It's a it's a mass. Yeah, it's old navy's basically casco for a close Yeah, I love it. And by the way, casco has great clothes. Yeah, ironically enough. They sell like great clothes I had a guy yesterday telling me he was like dude He had a huge chunky watch on and I was sitting at my local bar watching

The bears lose and I don't want to get into it, but it's fine. I mean Anyway, and this guy had a huge watch season otherwise Yeah, except for that and then it ends on a kicker missing a kick, but whatever Um, hey, I said, where'd you get that watch from? He goes casco. I was like, really? That looks like a nice nice He goes, dude, it is everything. Yeah. Yeah He hits me in the face with it But he was like, yeah, no, usually these are, you know, whatever 800 bucks, whatever and I got it for 129 I like how does casco do that? I don't know. I don't get there. It's got to be some weird science to it

They're like tricking us already. Here we go Shh, shh, shh, shh Did that work? Yeah I love that in the booth. They both nod and smile. Mm-hmm. That's exactly what we wanted. I've been waiting for this moment my whole life Well, it's official. That's it. We're wrapping up the studio. Okay, that's it. That's the only reason we move here And now wow, I I'm so proud of you, babe. Thanks. Oh, let's have tears in your eyes. Yeah. Wow. This is real love. Wow See you guys about to have another fucking baby I'm tearing up

Can you smell by the way easily for today my worst part, you know what I mean? Yeah, I had some rips earlier But that was just kind of the that was the weakest one one of those like you guys soundproof. Did you smell smell proof the studio? No, I would stay over there. Okay. I'm gonna sit right here. Oh my god. That was the best moment of my life Just do you guys fart in bed together all day? Yeah, but not like you gotta get a whiff of it. I mean, you know It's interesting because I There I know there's some couples that I've talked to that don't fart in bed They'll fart outside of bed in front of each other, but in bed. They won't you know what can be interesting Would you show our buddy?

That guy that farted in bed and tell me how you think you would handle something like this I'm so excited So wait, can we just address the fact that that moment took like 10 years to happen the fart mic? I know and it finally just happened. I've been waiting 10 years. Can I tell you something? I'm proud to be here for that moment. Thanks a lot, man. And we're proud to have you. Thank you. This is really huge God that was guys that was major for me. I don't yeah. Yeah. That was a big deal. Thanks. I um Do you want to make it make a speech? Well, you know before I I've farted before on this show But you got to stand up. You got it. It's a whole thing. It's a whole thing and to have a designated fart mic

I really you know, you see it like golden globes last night I really want to thank i'm serious here You're a hundred percent do the credit because yeah When we were leading up to this I mentioned earlier I was concerned about the lights and the video and these mics and making sure their control booth was ready to go And the internet right and you Last week we were testing video and audio and you were like god damn it. Is that fart mic ready? And when Nadal was like, no, it's not really a priority. You go. Why are we even moving?

Why are we moving if we're not going to step up our game? And I really did because it's important to the listeners. It's important to me. I don't know how important it is to the listeners Guys email us. I'm just gonna say wait wait to you here. Wait to hear how many people are like, please Look at the fucking comments right now. This has to be a highlight. It looks like a You're gonna get a lot of appreciation for this Oh god, I was like the birth of my children my wedding day and then the day of the fart mic One two three. Yeah easy. That's great. It's really something. I don't know. I feel blessed down. It's gonna be at your eulogy By the way, yeah, birth of children married and the fart mic. Yeah, that's true

I know, um, I love you. I love you too. Um, but I want to show Andrew this doesn't smell good though. So this guy I already like the image. He's uh, Videoing himself. Yeah, go ahead and uh, give him a little Taste of what's about to happen I know I shouldn't eat so much beans Baby what? The beans you cook get into me You got a poop?

You know it So Is this what you and your lady are like the way that he goes? You know it So we know that a poop who's coming coming and we just don't know what's gonna Like is she about to run out of the room? What you know, what's gonna happen? So I'll uh, let's see Oh Oh, I don't know where's the poop now. Oh get it up Ah, I'll bite my ass. Okay, let out. I'm ready

Um, do you see my fucking face? I did see and I that's exactly why we play these videos. Oh my god, and then I genuinely I genuinely am like, oh, this is so funny. He's gonna shit his pants. No, no, no, and she's like hurry up Oh No, yes, right in your mouth. No, right in your mouth. No No guys. Yeah. No Right in their mouth What would you do if your wife started this with you if wanted me to fart in her mouth? That's it Seriously, that is it do it again. Yeah. Hell. Let's see it in your mouth. Yeah. What's the problem? I don't see the big

Um No problems The phone is ringing an old timey phone. What kind of chick what percentage of chicks you think Are are into this? Yeah, it's got to Two percent of women into this less No, I think two is a pretty safe number people under some weird shit. Have you seen the videos on that? I mean you have you guys. What am I? What am I asking you've seen people that love to get kicked in the dick as hard as yes

We talked about that that should be a way lower percentage and it's way higher than I think Like I've seen the videos online and they had like 40 million views and you're like well people like this I'm like there's one we watched we watched that like argentine one where she was like suffered She's like pulling pulling his nuts down and she was like I want to suffer I want to see the blood and then she just like like a fucking speed bag just drills him It makes me nauseous when I see like penis stuff that stuff just makes me laugh But like anytime tugging punching kicking pulling penis. Woof. I don't know how but that um, that's repulsive But good for them if they're in love. Yeah, if that's there if that's their love if that's what it is

I just also think Um, something is violently wrong with that girl. So that would be a deal breaker for you and your wife Yeah, I feel like if you're gonna eat farts, I feel like that's it for us How long have you been together? What if she's like so perfect in every other way? And I've heard you speak glowingly of your wife Yeah, and she's like oh look all I'm asking is that when you got a fart every once in a while You tap me on the shoulder. What's the problem when I eat it? Um

No You don't need to I feel like you know if she says hey, babe. I really want you to fart in my mouth And I would say anything else pick literally anything else anything she goes. Do you want me to come or not? Not anymore Not if that's your thing But she doesn't even look like she's getting sexual pleasure out of that. That's just a that's just like a thing they do Let's talk about this though, but what what's the harm in it for you? If that's what she likes because I have to kiss her mouth at some point. That's what ryan said

Yeah, this is what ryan was saying. Yeah, well, that's just the next logical step. What am I never going to kiss her over again? No, what if we what if you wore pants or jeans or some thick Denim so that the fart particles don't actually get into her mouth It depends You know I did some research after after doing you guys a show and there's only so many genes that have enough Thick enough denim to protect the fart particles. There's only two made around the world. Maybe you had a hole Davey jeans are one of them. Yeah, and then this company out of alaska. Okay No, but I think I first of all that's boxers. He's in boxers. Yeah

He's got that he's throwing it. He's really pushing. He's pushing Boxers might as well be paper mache. So that farts streaming right into her mouth Are you about to go please? Please I feel like it's on the precipice, but you know how like light makes someone sneeze what makes someone fart Yeah, wait, what can you do? I want to jump the gun here guys. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Give me a minute Hey, don't do that to us man. I got real excited. Yeah, I know. I'm sorry You're on deck right now. We need to in the batter's box swing in a donut I'm afraid I'm gonna pee myself because I work the pushing if you push too hard

Yeah, no let god let it happen when he wants Or she I don't mean to gender misgender It it Do you ever do you ever pee when you fart? Yeah, I since I had my second child I pee when I cough I pee when I laugh Yeah, it just just it just happens. Yeah, because your muscles are still weak. I just gave birth five months ago So it's still still tightening back up. It's still um still reeling back in. Yeah, I get that Do you do you have do you have um is leakage a thing? That's a big deal

Yeah, you can buy panties that actually absorb the the little amounts of pee that you create. Oh, what if they don't do that for guys You guys should have that. Do you have a little bit of leakage? Do you have a little bit of dribble? Yeah, isn't that crazy? No one talks about that. Yeah, why don't you have a pad in the front? Like underwear built with a little bit of pad for absorption. Yeah, we have two ideas on the show That I feel like we could sell make billions of dollars. I don't know. I don't know what the fuck we're doing Yeah, I feel like that's the thing that nobody wants to talk about that men As you get older every guy has a little bit of drippage, but no one no one says anything So you go pee and then the last there's always a little bit. There's always a little bit

always a couple trips Even if you shake You know, especially after I've been having a few drinks Sure, then if I shake in a pee whatever I still got some and sometimes you walk away from like a urinal You're like, oh my god, I think I'm pissing down my leg I'm still I'm just pissing. It's not dribbling. I'm full full pissing on my pants Now I want to bring this up because yeah, I imagine you have Pretty good game. Okay. It's just like a sense that I have and we have

We played a guy We're not going to play him right now, but this guy became a you know Quite a hit on the show for his very forward approach To contacting this woman. Is this Julia? That's right. Okay, and then I'm excited. We got so we got a hold of this is just voicemails voicemails Apparently, I don't know how long they've Been around they've been around a few years at least but we've never heard them

So this woman released these voicemails that this man Left on her phone and we'll play them in succession like how how she received them. I'm still thinking about that. This is Julia No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no totally different. Okay different woman releasing voicemails that a different guy But you can you can hear the build. Okay. Yeah things change. I'm excited. Yeah, such a good fart Hi, Ashley. This is David Five o'clock Tuesday afternoon I don't know

What time you coming home? If you have time, maybe we can Go right here in brandwood. We can have dinner together. Oh right here bro. Can you call me back? Please three one oh Nine or one. Bye. Bye Okay, so I know you edited that but a piece of me is like this guy doesn't even know how to say his phone number 80s Three one oh he reminds me a lot. I don't know if it reminds you of um I love Salome. Yes. Yes This is David. I'm guessing David's not as god-given. Salome, by the way

Is uh, so there a lady was leaving extensive messages on christina's phone when she switched her number and it was how does she get your number? No, when I switched my phone number to a new phone number. Oh, it was somebody else. I've done. I've had that before Yeah, right for years. I'll get I still get like this guy's a drug dealer hits me up if I want Xanax and and then this other one That's kind of nice to be honest It's like a gambling thing. He's like, hey the nyx versus the whatever you want in I'm like, jeez Did you adopt a burner phone number? Yeah, I don't know You gotta generate remember that call me. Yeah, and she was and then sometimes she would get mad

Call me she would leave most the message in farsi And then we'd have people translate and they're like, yo, she's raw, dude She's like tell this motherfucker to get to she was telling her how to keep squirrel squirrels out of her fruits Like tie plastic bags all around your tree Crazy so this guy keep going with this guy Hi Ashley. This is david is 7 30 p.m. Tuesday night. Oh, it's the same night. I haven't missed Phone call on my phone. I don't know if you were trying to call me back. No, I didn't uh, I missed you or uh, what happened or

My phone you didn't ring But I have your number as a miss call. No, you don't if you did call me. Can you please call me back again? Nice 7 30 p.m. 310 98 imagine leaving this guy Two hours later. Hey, maybe you called And wires got crossed. Did the operator not put you through to the right? What year is this guy? I think this is my favorite move is like, uh, I see the miss call And I I think that maybe it's you even though I don't I don't see that you call. Here's my number again

Just in case. Yeah, just again. Just in case you saw me already bother you before Did I wonder if did he send text as well? I don't know if you sent text, but I'm curious definitely left more messages Let's hear Hi, Ashley. This is david is nine o'clock two more. I don't think you can be that busy Not to return my phone call. Can you just call me for five minutes? Let me know If you're available to go out or I should have stopped calling you and Just forget about you. I thought you're a decent human being but it seems to me

You are not so I don't know What to tell you I thought you are someone I can talk and you are somebody decent So can you just call me for five minutes if you are not available so I can just throw your number to the garbage It seems very

Out odd to just print out a phone number and then throw it in the trash If you picked up on the fact that as that message was ending there was some anger building Yeah, just a tad if I can throw to the garbage. That's how my he thought you were a decent human being By the way, he mentioned that twice. I thought you were a decent human being That's right Not someone who would call every two hours bugging you. That's a good person. We're on we're on call number three Yeah, number three. So it's five seven thirty nine. Yeah on a tuesday about friday. Is that you can't be that busy You can't be that busy and a decent person wouldn't be that busy impossible decent human beings aren't busy

So are you gonna call me back or should I throw your shit in the trash? Right now you can feel just the end. He goes. So I don't know what to tell you Yeah, which it's like almost a murderous ploy of like his brain was Deciding whether to say something aggressive or not and then he ended with like Or do I throw in that garbage? Like he didn't know whether to be like fuck you or right back But he but he saved himself at the end by just saying just come on call me back or do I just need to stop this I wonder if he calls again. Maybe maybe this one's nicer

Ashley again, you call and the phone is disconnected. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with your phone every time you call Yes, did it come did you hear how nice? The leather the leather again, you call and the phone is disconnected I don't know what the fuck is wrong with your phone Every time you call you disconnected. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with this Phone call or the way it is. I cannot even talk to you. What is this? And the message doesn't know how that works. Wait, so does he step it up? I don't understand

Well, can I say disconnected? First of all, he didn't leave a time Didn't leave his phone number again. I feel like the consistency is broken now. And so now we know he's mad Every time he calls is disconnected. What does that mean? The phone is disconnected. Yeah, we don't know what's going on It's broken. You know how often your cell phones gets disconnected. That's such a common thing. What the fuck you called again I see another missed call. Yeah, Ashley. Yeah, so so this is is is this the beginning of the me too movement is this kind of I feel like this is how it's done. It should be It should be but but there's no way this guy Just like your mother you're a fucking asshole cocksucker

Motherfucker And this message for motherfuckers and for three three or four prostitutes I would love to have a counter on that that that sounds like you know when somebody takes spanish 101 when like a white kid takes But and he only learns a few cuss words. Yeah. Yeah, and he says them over and over and over like he that's all Motherfucker prostitute. Yeah. Yeah, motherfucker prostitute. Yeah This is I mean, this is go to let's go to numb. Yeah Beautiful Fuck my dick you don't you don't even

To suck my dick because you're so ugly mother fuckers. I have to put a pillow on your Fucking face not to see your fucking face It's ugly short Sucker mother fucker. Don't call me anymore I feel like Hocksucker mother fucker. I gotta say this could be a nice monologue piece for you Like you think I like it as a performance because I print it out the uh pause because I have to put the

pillow over your face because you're such a Ugly mother fucker. I mean it really emphasizes it, you know, it is it is very obvious. I didn't like he went racial Yeah, that was a little mean you just stick to prostitute cocksucker mother fucker and then you've been good Now what's interesting is that what good morning julia and this guy having common what dr Drew was mentioning was that narcissism? Yes It's the same thing of like he was waiting for joe to turn ugly like that instead. This guy ended up turning That's right. Yeah. Yeah, so it drew analyze the good morning julia guy. He was just bracing He's like so it's it's about to get violent or grotesquely sexual

You know and yeah, it didn't go there and then he was just like well, this is you know, this guy's obviously has like kind of sense of Grandios, you know feel really delusions of grandeur. Yes. Yes, and and basically Most people like that and like this are without shame too. You know, you can't shame them. Yeah, but this guy He does a he does a thing here. That's very interesting Let's if we psychoanalyze this for people that have no background doing this at all or schooling I'll just say he says You're a cocksucker mother fucker and then he says

You can suck my cock. Yeah, motherfucker. Sure. And then he said and then he said you're too ugly to suck my cock Right. He wants it, but he doesn't want it. He's playing real hard to get here and then go suck some black ticks Yeah, why do you know maybe he's into cocking? Maybe he wants to see her suck other black cocks. That's what that seems like So you cocksucker go suck black cocks. You can't suck mine. You should suck. You should suck mine. You're too ugly to suck mine I'll cover your head, but let you suck it This guy is his full circle. He's all over the map. What does he want? He's emotionally unavailable as I think what this is That's the breakdown I think he wish he could be really more attuned with what's going on his emotions and he just can't it's a cry for help

I think it's a cry for help. Yeah, I think I think I think his last relationship ended very poorly I think that's what really happened here. He's trying Could you imagine but this is essentially the guy in the bar who's like in brendwood. What's up? Yeah, but he's like Hey, what's up? What's your name? And he's drunk and then you're like, I'm not interested. Fuck you bitch. Yeah, it's that It's weird that that's a real guy. You you you experienced that your whole life my whole life But he's usually very drunk. Yeah, you can see him, you know coming a mile away You know it. You know what the minute he talks to you. He's fuck it But you've had enough guys in your dating life experience that have done

That have done that to you that have been like yeah, you're hot and then you're like I'm I'm good and they're like fuck you Yes, a lot. It happens. I mean, it's got to work all the time. It happens. You dated every one of those guys Yeah, everyone married married one every like every time you're out late night at a bar by 2 a.m. That guy rolls right So alcohol plays a part. Oh always, but see that's why LA closes at 2 and that happens places like Chicago They never close. So you kind of just avoid that to some degree because those guys just keep blacking out all night Yeah closing time that makes some it's that sense of I got to get it now sheer. Yeah Yeah, the Chicago bars are 4 or 5 a.m. They just end up sleeping there That's some they go ask a girl and a girl's like I'm good and like and they just keep drinking and then they just live there

For a day or two. That's crazy. I've seen that by the way. I've seen guys sleep at the bar Put them outside put them in an alley or in a you know then wake up and they're like, I got something to drink Yeah, you want something to drink? Yeah, it's seven. We started serving an hour ago. Oh my god. It's a good life Hey, if that's all you got Why LA doesn't do that what's our deal because that seems pretty profitable They just had a um, they just had a vote this past Session to put it to three maybe to 3 a.m. And had that go they shut it they shut it down It lost by like a landslide what yeah, because it was something about um being there's a budget increase then in police force

To deal with the deal with assholes that are leaving the bar blacked out problems. Yeah, there's all sorts of bullshit You think that there would be just like I such a like a bump of people spending money out that it would be worth it though I don't maybe not though. See you say that but I think like a lot of times people get so fucked up so early They I think a lot most people leave the bar before 2 a.m. Because they know it's going to close. Do you know what I mean? Like either go get more liquor and go to someone's house. I feel like 2 a.m. Only on peak maybe a Saturday night is the bar packed when it closes every other night of the week. It's like You know staggered. I feel like that's

I feel like every time I go out and I see that if I've ever closed a bar I look around I'm like we're the we're pretty sad. There's like 15 of us sad people here Staring at each other lights go on You know like we should go home. Everyone's like, yeah, this is a bummer. This is like a really bad Yeah, well in England it closes at 11 Yeah, well they but British people drink all day all day. So you start earlier Yeah, they don't really have I don't think they care because they're like they wake up and I don't grab a pint Eggs and beans, you know, I don't know how you laugh. You can't laugh if you really do that, you know

Like the days where you're like it's it's morning. You're like, let's get drinking right now. Can't do it Yeah, people do it and I'm so impressed. I'm gonna be honest if I say like, oh, we're going to a baseball game And I'm gonna have a couple beers the night is called off. Whatever was gonna happen that night can't can't exist It's over. Yeah, won't exist. I'll be at home and people like you have to come out Do you remember when you fucked that guy rick? We tell this story 100% So I met rick in charlotte. Uh, well, I should say this I met him in the Appalachian mountains Right. So I met him in the mountains and we were both hiking

Yes, and and uh, what happened was is I'm hiking during the day and I was a little bit Sad and lonely. I was gonna have a big fight with my significant other and Uh, this guy rick. I was out of water. My camel pack had ran out of water and uh, rick had had a camel pack Had a one of the 12 gallon So at first it's just like a necessity. I well, I I was kind of bending over dry coughing, you know And he goes, you know, hey bud, you know, he's on another peak. Are you you thirsty? I'd love it and he goes you can suck on my pole. So that's what they call him suck on my poles sharing camel backs Yeah, so he you know walks over the you know, the other peak with me and you know, I give first of all, I give him a big big hug

Yeah, yeah, and he big guy big guy real big guy. Yeah kind of like, um Uh Real heavy probably like 330 345. Wow. Um, but not tall, you know, he was a short 410 410, but 350 365 maybe And he shoved his really big hole in my mouth. Yeah big guy shoved it right in my mouth is you know And just you know made me suck and I sucked it down and um, I said, you know, I have a show tonight I love you to come see me do stand up and he said no chance, but you can meet me at my hotel afterwards And he's not a comedy fan. That's crazy. Yeah, it was nuts. It was not you still went and did your show

Bombed bombed two sets because I just was thinking about rick the whole time Yeah, and the moment I got off the second set, you know, the the donor was like, oh, fuck it's so mad You know, I was like, I got a roll dude and I went right to that high it and just yeah How fun was that? It was at first it was a little daunting to be honest with you because he is a large man Yeah, and I just didn't and you know, uh, there was never a discussion over top or bottom. It was pretty obvious Yeah, so You know, um, how was recovery?

Uh, it's not bad. I mean not too bad at least He made me an ice bath, which it takes so many trips to go to the hallway because of the ice machines Yeah, it's never enough ice probably never ever ever just a little baby bucket. Yeah So we borrowed a few buckets from other people We kind of got it was like a communal, you know community thing was like pass the bucket down And everyone was like, why are we doing this? Is someone sick or someone hurt? And you know, I bent over I opened up my moon pie and I showed him what happened Yeah, yeah, and uh, I sat in there for about an hour and a half and everything was fine. I gotta say

It's one of my favorite stories. Yeah, but can I update you on something? Yeah, you've asked me a few times Rick has fled the country. Where is he? You know, he said he he I got a suspicious email Um, I have some weird suspicious email and it just said I'm leaving and I'm going to the netherlands So I think this fall is going to be my trip to the netherlands to try to find rick. Wow. Yeah, that's cool I could probably build a tour around it right it off, you know, love that. I would absolutely love that But then again, I'll be thinking about rick not comedy the whole time. Yeah, you're bomb. So I'll be just bombing bombing That's pretty cool. Yeah, it's so romantic

Yeah, it kind of is it kind of is, you know and in this modern age No one really talks about nobody really will romanticize every time two guys have like a gay joke and film They're always like, you know, it's it's just too cheap. This is real love. This was real. Yeah Yeah, for the first time in a long time. I gotta tell you. I remember when I met uh, santino I was like, hey, tom. He goes. I'm just glad you're not named rick. I was like, that's a weird thing to say Sure, you know, yeah, but why and then you tell me the whole story. Oh Do you say that to everybody? He's like if they're not named rick, I do Most men. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't trust most guys after experiences like that. Oh, I bet

Yeah, so I just you know that that and that stuck with me and I know you brought it up because it's the podcast but it does Stings a little bit. I'm sorry. That's okay. This is your show and uh, I'm gonna let it go I didn't mean to hijack. No, come on. No, no, no, it's not disrespectful. Not at all No, it's respectful. It's respectful because it's your it's your house. It's your mom's house I want to make something clear. We are overjoyed. First of all that you're going to another list of find rick But secondly that wisky ginger your podcast that everyone should subscribe to please download review Thumbs up stars write a love letter

Also, you will very soon be able to watch The uh, watch his podcast here on this youtube channel He's gonna record it in this set over here And the video coming up will be coming up on monday starting in like two weeks. Is that right or That's something like that give or take. All right So but it'll be a regular thing where you can watch the video on the youtube channel Or you can download and listen to wisky ginger. You are hilarious, dude. So I i'm super super pumped that you're doing Thank you. I'm so i'm excited. You know like uh, I know this sounds like i'm pandering but uh, you guys are kind of

I mean, there's only two or three people that really Told me to kind of get into it and you guys are kind of part of the reason that I did it I avoided doing a podcast for a long time because I just was like, I don't know I don't know and I'd like doing other people's podcasts, but I just didn't I just didn't feel like I was like I don't have anything to To offer and all that shit But you guys were kind of the part of the the last thing that pushed me over the edge to do it Honestly, do it for rick and do it for rick and he can hear it

But I have this weird fear. You were natural man. You're natural. Thanks, man. Yeah, I have this weird fear. He's not listening That's the weird thing. You know and that kind of eats me alive There could be like a cool easter egg in every episode for rick. Yeah, you know, I mean shout out to rick Yeah, like maybe you get a camel back and you kind of do things. That's my that's my carol bernett signoff I suck a little bit of a camel back for rick Exactly Or like, you know, I don't remember what you said was his favorite food, but maybe we put a little bit You don't remember I said what I said

I forget. Are you serious? Wait. Was it pistachios or I was a chicken pie yard pistachio mash That's like that's elaborate elaborate. I've told I think I feel I've told you this 10 elaborate to have set up a you know to get I was thinking put a little bowl of it on you have a studio here. We got these guys can cook some shit up All right, I'm sending a recipe and I want that every time. All right. That's in my rider. What is it a pistachio? It's a it's a chicken pie or pistachio mash. Wow. Have you never had that? No, I'm a delicious dish Well, what rick turned me on to it. Oh my god. Can we move on if I talk about? Yeah? Yeah, this is gonna really that's That's crazy. It's gonna bury me. I don't want to get you going

But I also have this clip Lake my ass Sorry That really goes deep for me I have a clip of pristina. I haven't played it on the show. Yeah, great black dick. Hello I'm available There you go. You you sound great there by the way. Thanks. I look like my older career. It's my career before How did you skip out on having the valley voice?

Um, I because I I thought I know I think were you super conscious of it? Listen, I'll tell you what when I get with my bff shona who grew up in the valley too We we regress into like oh my god, dude like fucking bro like dude bro like bro, you know But that but but but valley up up speak up speak up speak that that was a revival with parasilton I think in those girls, but no Parasilton was kind of like the Nicole richie, I think and those that that girl brought it back. I don't know but it was big in the 80s speaking of comeback You know, lindsay lohan has got a tv show now. Does she do you guys know this?

MTV I just saw billboard on sunset and I immediately googled it. That's the name of the show I googled it. She has a fucking show on tv. Is it about rehab or something? Yeah, I imagine it's life. It's her life. It's just it's a reality show It's gotta be sad though. She's she was so talented. I know isn't that weird that that talented goes the other way Yeah, I like it's I never that's so strange to me When you're kind of mediocre mediocre and you fall off like if when I end up falling off people will go Yeah, yeah, okay. That's fine. But when you like when you're when you're like huge and you're the thing Back with rick for sure now. Look at him. Yeah, I'm getting you put rick in my head

Rick used to tell me you're not worth it. That was kind of my favorite. That would turn me on. You're not worth this And he had this sweet deep voice. We have to get a search party out there. Look at we got to find rick in the Netherlands Yeah, you guys have you toured the Netherlands 365 now. Well, we all get let's can we go so we can maybe yeah He's gonna stand out. Those people are all long and lean. You know, yeah, you'll find you're gonna mention it people like Oh, you're talking about rick like short fat rick. Yeah, I know exactly everybody knows gay rick That's the name of that's the name of the tour back. Yeah, let's find rick. Let's find rick the tour I'll go. I'm I'm I'm so down Um, very sorry. Lindsay low hands. No, nothing. She I feel she's doing a tv show and I can't it's just like so funny to think that

There's so much good garbage television. Yeah, man. It's awesome. I think it do you watch the bachelor bullshit or no? No, we're really the way Into the bachelor into the bachelor. No, it just started. We don't like we're watching 90 day fiance bad stuff. Yeah I'm all over it. You kidding me? So good. It's one of my favorite shows. I've ever seen It's one of the best shows of all time ever created Ever created, you know what? I love after lock up to love after that. I like it, but 90 day has more drama You like, okay. Yeah, 90 day has better drama for me the kid the kid And the names are bad. I'm bad with names, but the kid who has the wife that has the baby over over in russia that he had to

Come back. Yeah. Yeah. I believe their love. I actually believe they're actually believe their love And do you also empathize with him when you see him getting angry? You're like, you're young Just got to work this shit out. Totally take a couple deep breath They're just kids like going through a weird love struggle and I buy that. You know what I mean? Well, it's so much responsibility at such a young age in another country. Who's loved you not by the most? Uh, well, there is no there is literally no love between the uh, The girl who has two kids from two different dad the blonde girl with the jamaican guy. See she does have two She does have kids. I thought so, but you don't see that. She's mentioned it. She's mentioned it

Well, okay another reason that I don't believe it's real love because this woman has two children. You never even see Well, that this is what she mentioned like I go But then you're watching like three episodes and you're like they've never come up again They're probably with their father so she can do this nonsense show. I got you see that's why I don't believe in any Also, like I think he cheated on the wedding day, which is a bold that is a bold move I mean if you're going we're not that far yet. We haven't made it to the wedding day that you make Sorry, no, my favorite. Our favorite couple is the brazilian woman Oh, I'm I'm the queen bitch that girl who's like on the stairs. She's like

That is she goes. I like a biggie house And the coltica we get to biggie pool. She's so great and she hates the mother biggie say biggie pool We get to biggie pool And her teeth are enormous Nice car Wow Her teeth are bigger than veneers. You know veneers are big. They're bigger than those Yeah, like the big the steve harvey. She's she's good and the um

The kid that that that's the vega. That's vegas. Yeah, that's the vegas. That's vegas That's my favorite part that he lives with his mom and she hates the place that they live and he lives with his mom That poor guy. I don't even I don't I feel so bad for him. It's not even fun anymore Do you know there's like some people on the show? You're like, I don't feel bad You trapped yourself like the dad that disowned his daughters. Yeah, so the other girls could it's like Dude, I don't feel bad for you But the vegas guy I feel sad for because he like he loves vegas. He loves his mom This girl's like fuck vegas. You're mommy's bitch and she and he's like, I love you. You're my dream girl

He it's the it's like but colt we always say like because colt at one point He's like well You're everyone knows a boy's best friend is his mom and then they have like a a joint bank account He and his mother 33 33. I know and then she's like, what about when we get married What are you gonna do as far as the bank account? He's like just keep you on it, you know All three of us all three of us. Yeah, be like a big happy family my mom my wife and I you know I can share a checking account a biggie checking account It's imagine the fights that will come from that that the mother is like fighting with the brazilian over what she saw

She bought on their check. I mean like couples do that husbands and wives do that Wow, that was way better than yours. Wow. Yeah, that was Dude, are you pushing off the leather? Are you getting lift? That's the best day of your life Well, she did say kids wedding farts, but now that's two farts. So I feel like that moves up moves up a little bit Man, that was fun Hey, can I tell you something you have great compression

In your farts Let's talk about it. It just sounds like a perfect bubble came out You know like a perfect fart bubble just Yeah, tom's was more like You know, I a little ripply. Yeah, there's a little poo poo in there. Yeah, I'm so mad Because I had such killer farts today. I know and then you let them all go. They now I'm got captured You know, it's like when you're trying to get a set and you're like a fucking killed it last night Then you set up the camera. Yeah

Nothing Hey, can we say this? Yeah Your farts are just as valid as her farts. Yeah, why are you don't get down fart hating? I mean you're far shaming you're far shaming yourself. Yeah, I know. I should just celebrate yours, you know Yeah, try to be happy for me. Yeah, that's true. Sorry I'm sorry. It's okay. That was a really cool fart. You know what? Next episode you're gonna have some farts of your own Yeah, I have a feeling

And this is love said he heard that without headphones In there Thumbs up Yeah I'm so happy. You know what? I'm really happy about is the people listening to this podcast wearing their earbuds now They can hear the fart clearly. Imagine some with a good sound system in their car the bass on that. Yeah. Whoa. Yeah Talk about new advertisers Just opening the gates for marketing like hello money

Well, how many other podcasts do you know that have excellent? You know who does have it? Who your mom's house, that's right. That's fucking right. That's the only one you're the only one who has it I know let me build. I also didn't eat like a big enough thick breakfast. I'm really mad I was on the run this morning But if I had a big breakfast This is about the time that i'm letting them ride Like I had to go pee in there before the you had to run you went for a run Yeah, but I but like I had to pee before the show

But like I thought Another hour and I'll have to shit and I was kind of bummed I couldn't shit here Because I would have loved to christen this place with my shit day one. Oh, yeah No, I mean from my front of personal level. Yeah. Yeah, I do like to make myself known and in place that I'm new to Yeah, sure. Yeah, like every time I go to a meeting in Hollywood. I always shit. I'm not I'm not joking I have a cappuccino machine in my house and I make probably three or four shots of espresso Oh, wow. Yeah, do you time it out so that you know when yeah if the meeting's at 11 o'clock I'm up I'm up at like eight o'clock to like do work whatever and I and I have my last sip about an hour and a half

Prior to getting the meeting up that'll give you perfect 90 Because I can show up 10 minutes before the meeting I can go in the lobby awkwardly talk to the one Where is the bathroom? It's right here. It's in the office. Perfect. Do you let people know in the meeting? What happened or are you like, hey, just so you guys know sometimes I say to the receptionist I go got a lot of stomach issues Just so that might get passed down the line on one of those eboards. That's like Shitting here and you let me know. Yeah. I just let an hour move and they're like that's definitely I think it's a power move I bring my own baby wipes wherever I go. Yeah Just yeah, I do they're in my car. They're in my car. Yeah, just in case I need to you know

Clean up, you know, and I used to do I used to have comedy deodorant in my glove box That's really smart before I used to be so nervous and I would just put just to put on an extra layer Before stand-up shoes. Do you do you does your sweat smell? Do you have a smelly sweat? Because I sweat a lot sometimes, but it won't smell. No, she doesn't smell Well, then it doesn't matter then who cares about no, but then you get the rings on your shirt on stage Like I would be so nervous that I would get the sweat rings third idea We're going to make our third product of shirts that come with sweat rings. Oh, that's so cool Got the built-in socks sweat rings. That's it. And then didn't we have something out? Oh the fart or no the

Well, the p-catcher in the front, which by the way will be our highest seller. I mean, I think so So we just chopping up our like a billion We just have like forklifts carrying the money around that we're making from these ideas I guess somehow can these guys can you guys help carrying money in there any idea? Yeah, I feel like they can they'll figure it out So we always we have like a gift for just being sent the coolest guys on the internet and I know that this These videos of just like guys that are out there. They usually there's a certain criteria Usually the way it looks and and anyways, here's a new one. Oh, oh nice. Yes already a great image I don't want to hear it

Let's see what he has to say not interested hear him out. Very here's my question. Okay Why is it so hard to meet a girl just to fucking fuck bro? Why does every girl want to come in your life and make your life fucking complicated? You know, I mean preach Yeah, true Every single piece of that was true. Yeah, what the fuck bro. Why can't we find a girl to fuck? This guy looks like a crow magnet. He does Right. What is that? What is that spanish for beautiful? He looks like a beautiful caveman a beautiful man. Yes. Is this a geico ad?

That's right. It's like that stupid What else is meanwhile their life and their situation is solely fucking upside down Okay, but they want to fucking come disrupt your life. I don't understand this shit Okay, a lot of women out there are fully fucking full of shit and they're stupid Straight up Here's what's weird. He says their life is upside down. I feel like perhaps his might be upside down. Well What's in the background? I will tell you this before we play this This fits all the mold for a perfect your mom's house video

Go ahead. Tom. What are the criteria? Well, uh, horrific camera angle Got it Less than ideal lighting. It's perfect Um, the shirtless Shirtless double shirtless is huge. Yeah. Um, either missing teeth and or unkempt in a general sense This guy knocked that one out of the fucking park and some type of either

drug induced or mental delusions that lead to A rant that is aggressive in nature and or disturbing Well, and also don't forget. Yeah location location location. It's a right place. Yeah, where is he an affect shop because there's A mommy behind him wrapped in an american flag. I don't know what that is imagine this guy What is this picks you up for a day? He's like come check out this place You stupid fucking bitch Come inside you dumb bitch Dinner was good. You want to come inside you stupid stupid bitch?

One thing to fuck with my head, but ain't nobody gonna fuck with my brother's head I'm not letting that shit go down. So what it's just gonna fucking go kick rocks I don't know if I don't understand why it's so hard to meet a girl just to fucking fuck I said it. You don't like it. They leave me ban you. I don't give a fuck Whoa, dude, why is his brother have anything to do with this? I don't know. It'd be nice if we saw his brother side of it was brother was like, dude I don't know support any of that shit. It looks like a skeleton in the background like a it's it's fine. It looks normal What do you have in your room? I mean shit, this is just all right

But this relationship shit with bitches go clean up your own backyard before you come to a niggas backyard asking for shit Time out. Why are they outside? Get inside if you're gonna be on a date you put them in here all that cool stuff you got in the room Don't be in the backyard Cool stuff. Cool. What is this man's name by the way? Who's the Ted? Is this Ted? I think so Isn't it? I imagined a Ted. I was going for something like he dropped. He dropped big words. He did right?

He did he dropped he dropped quite big words. Yeah, got the angle and here's the thing He's already not a traditionally handsome man time out What makes you say that? What the fuck? What the fuck makes you say that? Are you taking shots at this guy's looks? What is it about this guy that's not hot? You're right. No, I should be this guy looks fucking awesome. What are you talking about? Give me two things. I'm sorry. Give me two things that you find unattractive about him. Just two seriously If you say no's it doesn't count go go What's unattractive about this guy? Yeah

What's not appealing from this angle? I'm sorry. Go ahead. You're right. You're right. Don't back down. No, at first I was like is this Brad Pitt on a bad day? Maybe the angles Uh, here's the deal man. Like if you are ready on that side You know, why don't you try to make the angle flattering? Like you just know like not under here is never good It's never going to be good from here Never I I feel like this might be his most dominant What if he's extreme? What if he's what if he's an LP and this is his best angle is up? If he's an LP I never thought of that. Yeah. Oh my god. Look at the doll behind him

See the like the bread of Chucky doll. It's so beautiful. Yeah gorgeous art. Yeah, that's just so great gorgeous art Can you zoom in on that on that doll is that doll that is like zoom in on that doll in the background? Look at that What's up on my instagram ads? I'm on a roll today because women are fucking stupid. Okay, they're fucking stupid Okay, I don't understand Why it's so difficult for good guys to meet a fucking sane woman I don't understand why everyone was a fucking stupid idiot. Could there be like some Could there maybe be like some paralysis or something going on? Yeah, like just the way that

So maybe we should feel bad for him that the chest doesn't always feel bad, you know What if he's okay, you're gonna feel bad. What if he's legless? He's not like, how do you know? We don't see any of his legs. He would make it an issue He would make it an issue that might be where this anger is stemming from This is old legless legless ted I feel bad for old legless and here you are throwing shots at his looks. Hey guys You're what am I looking at on the lower left frame there? Is that is that a tattoo? God? I want to know what those tattoos are so bad. Yeah

Oh, right. I want to know it looks like a bird wing. You know, it's probably right off screen that you don't see Christina, you big meanie is the straw that he blows in to make the chair move, you know He is fucking stupid, bitch And it moves another couple he is not don't don't you put that on me. Hey, do you you you really? Are you gonna be this mean to this man, don't you guys don't you put this on me? I don't understand it I just don't do you understand we are in the situation we are in because woman ate the apple It is woman's fucking fault. Give me back my fucking rib and go back to where the fuck you came from Dude, he is religiously informed as well. This dude knows what's up for sure

You telling me if this guy sent this video out and you saw it you wouldn't think I need to give him a shot I let him take you would come on Well, he does make some good points. Where's your first date with him? Oh, let's think about it. Hold on. Let me really think Let's be real. Let's be real. Where's your first date? No, I know. First of all, is he gonna call? No texts Like he'll call he'll call you from a pay phone Yeah, yeah, he'll call you. He'll find the one. He'll find the one pay phone at the airport. Yeah It's weird. It's got to be a weird location. I met my brother's house I'm at my brother's house. I can't believe how big his dick was

Yeah, you know, this is brother No, I'm gonna he I gotta take the bus down to see uh my car is in the shop in the shop It's such a great lie his car's been in the shop. Yeah his whole life. Yeah, he doesn't have a car never had a car No, so he so he takes the bus and he says how about we meet at the restaurant Do you think it's a restaurant or do you think he's gonna go starbucks? I think that's what he calls He calls everything a restaurant. How how quickly How quickly do you think he goes from like, all right, we're like so three o'clock. Yeah, so like you're fucking stupid Do you think do you think it's a matter of if you're like, I don't know about three and he's like fucking bitch

You're like, no, I was saying like three fifteen. All right He's real. Do you think he's like right on the edge of andrew? What's his life like? Yeah, well, you're really good. You're really good at nailing teddy. You analyze this last time. Yeah, teddy Well, here's the thing about teddy and the thing that I said that I knew that you didn't know is he is legless And that is that is the truth when times that about the chair. That's true. Okay, okay So he does take the bus and that's only because the buses are equipped with already Chair loading accessibility

How big of a side you should feel bad about that bus driver let when he sees the chair at the stop Who mike the bus driver mike is mike like All right, it's gonna take a second like you think it's really annoying to him every time it used to be But I could tell you this guy's chalk feel a good jokes and he always tells a good joke when he gets on Ted's pretty good at you think small quick stuff. You know what I mean? Like, uh, you know, he says, you know, like when he's when he was rolling on the bus The first time mike was annoyed and he's like, come on, dude, you know, like speed it up and he's like, you know I have you well. He goes look you got a leg up on me. You know what I mean?

You know his fakies, you know, he looked it up his and mike thought All right, so now he's like, hey teddy, right, you know, there's a second couple a second couple of times He did hold up the bus an insignificant amount of time Yeah, yeah, because there was a girl the bus up. He was calling a stupid bitch and a Yeah, it was yelling out like these rants are common for For Ted very very common But it all stems from the fact that his brother Has a bigger cock. Oh, yeah, that is a big issue in their family. So does he live out in four strokes?

Yeah, it's just a fact about their family and do they live together? He and his brother still or does he live alone? Does this guy have his own apartment? Is he gonna take me back to his own place? No, Ted and his brother live together. Yeah. Yeah With the dolls and skeletons and all the cool stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's they share our room in a house in Tarzana So if somebody else was home, we don't really know those people to be honest with you But they live together in this room for sure. Ted goes like You like dolls and artifacts and stuff like that. Yes. Yes. No, I don't want to see that. She's like you fucking idiot, bitch Yeah, and you're like, I'm sorry like here like here like I'll be the girl and on the date with Ted

You guys go ahead and you know Give it to me. Give it to me. This is how it goes. You're the girl. I'm the girl Uh, so Christina have uh, are you familiar with um, homo figurines? Not really. What is uh, oh, I collect them. I have an extensive collection. Oh You don't like homo. Fuck you, bitch. Is that what you're saying? Is that how that was pretty good? That was really good And you see my reaction. Yeah, I went like this, but you know what I really went like. Yeah, my pussy's wet Yeah The moment you yelled at me like that. Yeah, I got you know, I can see it by the way

Yeah, that read as I'm terrified. Where can I go with you? Yeah, it goes back and then right in that's what you were like I'm scared. I'd like you. Yeah. Yeah, interesting. Yeah, that's what that's kind of his rhythm Why he does it because he said that happens so many times like multiple But seriously, where does he take where does this guy go on a first date? Like let's be I'm being well I feel like if it so if you do, you know, you're you get the call you take an uber. He takes the bus Uh, and and he says let's meet up. He says let's meet up at this Let's meet up at a tire rack, you know, like a the to change, you know, he's got to meet there Wait, what that's where his brother works at the tire the tire rack. Yeah, it's a tire exchange store

You don't want tires and he his brother works there He shows you some of the dopest tires that they've got that's that month on sale And if you're kind of not into that that's you're not into that he's like, all right, you're a stupid fucking bitch Exactly. Do you not like pereles like you dumb fuck you dumb bitch What are you a michelin bitch get the fuck out of my life? He tells his brother show this bitch these p ones and she was like, uh, she didn't get it For sure and then his brother rocks, bitch Fucking dumb bitch dumb bitches work out

So that was that was the test that's the test if you let's just say you passed the test, right? I love a p150 tires. You do that shit is tight you dumb bitch. I love that you love that shit. Fuck. Yeah, dude You want to go to dinner you fucking tramp? Yeah So it's a win-win. Yeah, and then yeah, but here's the thing. He says let's go get something to eat Where do you think he's gonna take you? This is what I'm wondering. I'm being serious now I Del Taco

Too easy too easy. No because that's kind of that kind of that's kind of nice too. I think it goes like this Do you want to get something to eat? Yeah, I'm hungry. I'm not hungry Oh That's it that's it kick rocks kick rocks. All right. I guess I'll eat later. It's like, yeah, yeah, you will It's fucking expensive dumb bitch want to eat food all the time. Nope. He's got to blow out. Oh, yeah, he's got to blow out You know where I think he might take you you know what I think he might take you Someone like you someone like you because you're prettier than the average girl. Oh, wow average girl. He probably treats a little bit worse Definitely

But someone like you I feel like he would take you Um To a johns, you know the other not vans, but johns. Yes He would take you to a johns to the deli department let you pick out your own sam I feel like that's he'd let you build your own just a few meats. Maybe yeah You're like ham and like he's like ham's on sale. Yeah, give it two slices to him two two meats tops, bitch You're like, can I get the italian? He's like, yeah, right, bitch. I'm not letting you get four kinds of fucking meat Capicola and get out of here. What kind of bread? It's not giving her bread. Just give her the slices

Yeah, hand sandwiches you go out for hand sandwiches with Ted You don't need to eat bread bread get fat. No one's a fat bitch. All right, let's roll So then when you're turned on after your meal, he's rolling out of there And you got to go back you go back to his crib and you're down to fuck. Are you down to fuck at this point? I mean, aren't you turned off from the whole experience so far? He's talked to you cool He's taking you to cool places. This guy is a fucking get some of them some sliced ham You got two hands you got two hand sandwiches The sad thing is I can picture the woman that is into him like there's a woman broken enough

Oh, please. She's like, this is what I'm worth. This is what she is. Yeah, this is nice. He gave me this meat He gave me a nice hand sandwich And yeah, and he's only called me a bitch like six times. It's not bad. I think he's just playing I think he's just joking around when he calls me a dumb bitch. That's just his thing Aggressive sense of humor You get back to his place where his brother is there in the room. You walk in the room His brother is curating some of the doll work. I can't believe how big his dick was. Yeah What's with the dolls though? I'm being serious. Why does Ted collect

The dolls that's their passion That's always been something that him and his brother have been into. I don't know if that's something to laugh at by the way That's really their passion. Yeah, so people have like a bunch of stealers shit in their house People who collect sports memorabilia, this is the same thing. Sure. This is their true love and passion. It's an investment too Because first dolls are worth a lot. I mean, I like football. You're gonna mock me. Right Right, so you get back there. His brother's in the room. His brother's in the room and his brother is already deroped Oh, so he expects me to do no, he's got working legs though. He has nice thick working legs This his brother can squat like 550. It's insane

No, his brother's derode because that's how they work in the nude. What they work in the nude They curate in the nude You don't want to have all the paint and all the bullshit all over your clothes, but you're gonna ruin some of your nice shit That's why he's shirtless. They're they're curating. Yeah, they're making stuff They're making cool stuff And so his brother and he says would you like to derode and help us with some of the are you not gonna get naked and help Him curate right now you put it that way. Yeah, I feel like that's an obvious But it's natural to be nude and curate because you're trying I get it now that you I get it now

Sorry, I see it and you know what happens at the end of the night Tom, do you know what happens? What happens? They're done curating. Yeah He gets you a bus ticket home. Wow. He doesn't even try to fuck you you dumb bitch That guys that's really cool. Well, he buys me but the last bus runs at 9 30. So He's already he's got that down, but it's dark out. Do you think he doesn't know the bus schedule? Does he walk me to the stop does he walk me he blows you he blows you or he blows along to the stop At first you're like he goes I'll get you a bus ticket home and you're like, oh I think it'll be it's like 8 50s. Like I'm not giving you the money you stupid bitch

I'm not gonna let you spend it wherever you want. I'm gonna get you a ticket So you make sure that you spend the money sure on the ticket right pocket it try to get rich off Which does sound like something that women have done to him in the past which is why he got mad He gave them cash. He's like, yo, this is for your bus, bitch. Yeah, and they went and got something else Yeah, I gotta get her to the great right. Oh, you go to Sephora you fucking bitch. Yeah, you bought some rouge Bitch that was for the bus for the bus use use the money for what I fucking told you to use it for you know Some rouge. Here's the thing my mother used to call On your way home you're on the bus you just like lost it in that glow of love that new relationship energy

And you're just like that was awesome. Do you think you're like immediately like I got to go out with him again What's like the feeling you think well, here's that you're just gonna happen. Yes I am in love and I think to myself When's he gonna text when's he gonna call right? But he's playing the game too because he's playing the wrong game full three days before any contact So it's a game of chicken where I'm like do I text Ted? Right? Do I acknowledge that we had a wonderful night together? Do I wait for him that could be a risk though? But here's the thing

It's 2019 and I'm a progressive sort of gal. Okay. I'm not afraid to reach out and let a guy know how I feel and take initiative So I'm gonna send that first text. What do you think your first text is of Ted? Super cash Hey Which is a thanks for the bus fair home. It's super nice meeting you and your bro. He's big into punctuation I'm just letting you know that. Oh, okay. So you want to know what the big curve ball is gonna be though His brother ends up texting you on his own Oh, do you think so? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah squats a lot. Look at this as you're texting Ted. Yeah

Oh, what it that's a new number Open it up. Yo, what's up? Oh shit. It's Micah you fucking bitch Ted's brother Micah that's a biblical name. No shit. He talked about God. That's right. They're religious. They are. Yeah And you have that that moment now I have to choose between the two brothers Hello I'm available Yeah, what are you gonna choose? This is a big issue. Okay. Well, hold on. Let's go through it the merits of both

On one hand, you have Ted. It was kind of a quiet introvert On one hand, yeah, you got this cool guy Ted who we've discovered right on the other hand Micah's got a cool job at the tire store. He knows tires front to back. I mean You'll never have a tire question in your life and your life and he's employed like Guy with a good job. That's a thing health insurance. Right. You know what I mean? Think about these things for you for your future for your children, right 401k health insurance strong man lifts all day Right. Well, and like, yeah Ted took me to the deli counter. He did don't forget that I'm not forgetting it

But I feel like his brother let you choose two meats two meats Yeah, you didn't just get one because Micah is known to be a guy that only lets you have turkey It's true. He's a turkey. No Micah, but I'm saying that Micah might take me to a sit-down restaurant I'm talking olive garden. Maybe really you that's a big leap for a guy I don't I think he doesn't I think micah's more conscious of his finances I think he because he's making a lot of money He's been making a lot of money and he sees some some hotty blondie come through and you know All you bitches like the money, dude. Where do you think he's gonna take me?

Where's Micah take you? Yeah, you get you get cooked at home and he makes you cook the meal for you guys But hold on. That's the invite. That's it. Hey, why don't you come over and come over and cook? But I can't but then the brother is there. What are you fucking making? How am I gonna cook how the brother's gonna be there too if I go back? He's got to take me out. Micah's already devised a plan to get Ted away from the house He does this thing sometimes where he has a buddy who has an astro van Remember the old astro vans? Yeah drive him way up out to like seamy valley and he makes them try to get home Anyway, it's like a game that they play. He's like you got to get back, dude

So he's got a couple hours to kill brotherly love it is but it's just for fun They're just joshing around but it does give him a good gap of time. That's true So you're there. You're gonna be alone with him then. He's like, you'll come over and fucking cook dummy That's true. So you go over to Micah's house to cook. I mean when you put it that way It's like is it easier to pick? Okay, and then I come over I'm all also we don't have pots and pans fucking stupid bring your own shit Why some shit on the way over here? Okay You guys have a weird sense of humor. You guys are so funny. That's what you guys are hilarious

So you you go through all this breakdown Who who is more worth it to you Micah or or Ted? But that's what okay, so like I said on the one hand on paper Micah looks better. Sure on the other hand Ted's a little more secure and he's a gentleman. There's more emotional security with Ted. Um, he's not gonna cheat on me Micah's got a lot going for him. No. Yeah, he won't you're actually right about that And if I'm a girl who's a little insecure and beaten down like a you know, yeah I might go for Ted because like if you're have you watched love after lock up Oh, yeah, the premise is like you get somebody who's so weak that they're never gonna leave you by the way

And that's what you want. Yeah, you do great is uh A 90-day fiance the indonesian chick that comes over to My favorite and how about he's like, uh a left for a week is places such a mess not darn it and it's such a fucking dump Dude, so sad It's such it's so depressing, but you you end up feeling so much better than that guy Yeah, always like you just want to reach through the tv and be like you fucking idiot Yeah, no, but you know what he a lot of those people ask for it. Yeah a lot of those people ask for it They want it. They know it

Okay, you're on a tv show called 98 you have to get married in 90 days to approve someone's visa You're rushing this thing You for no at no moment. Did you step back and go? This seems a little contrived Right no moment. Well, then you ask for it Like if you're that into it that you don't have the self-awareness to go This is a little crazy a little like a little weird a little crazy if you have none of that self-awareness I'm cool. That's gonna. I'm fine with it. Well, and the girl from jacarta, right? She has extreme wealth like she comes from a which is very odd

But I think what do you think it's to come here to get her medical I know, but it's got to be deeper than that. Yeah, it's to get away from the family because Because medical you can get they can get visas to come. That's what I was wondering why use that guy There's got to be something What do you there's got to be something that we don't know something about like property or real estate? That's a big thing for people overseas to come to buy property in real estate or investing in something There's something that we don't know that's happening But I I like how depressed she gets when she realizes what his life really is like. Oh my god

Oh, we all get depressed It hits me harder than it hits her it's rough because she's just she's literally going down She's smart enough like to have the Analyzation of like how sad it really is. Yeah, but it hits home harder when we watch it Because you're like you're in this you're stuck in this thing. Yeah, this is like quicksand for her She's actually not a stupid person. No, which is so weird that you're like, it's not a trick She's not like being coerced or she's not being Pulled into something sad and gross. Yeah, she is smart enough to use the system

But also like put herself in a worse situation. Yes, that's why I think something else is going on. It's fascinating Something must be underneath the surface That show on tv. We have to wrap up. Yep, sadly You are always the best. Thank you for loving coming. I love whiskey ginger subscribe now. It's a great podcast Prescribed now. I'm sorry. Prescribed now You will soon be having the videos up on monday's here on your mom's house Podcast channel excited will play. We also will have a separate channel just for clips We'll do highlights of your show there. Awesome. So that will all you can also subscribe to that

Is there anything else you want to add before we wrap up? I don't have anything. I'm um January 19th. I'll be in bakersfield if you're up there come out there and then the next weekend I'll be in dc So or or the dc metro area. I got I got yelled at about that. I was in it's in arlington and people Oh, yeah, that's not dc. I'm like, I'm sorry. I apologize. You fucking bitch. Yeah, you're fucking draft house Arlington draft house. Yeah, you fucking idiot This is getting I got yelled at about that. Um looks like uh fart mic by dj fart moose is gonna take us out Oh, all right. Uh, thank you guys for for joining us this first episode of the new studio great new episode. Thank you

We love you. We'll see you in a week All right team gene We've been looking into fart mics, which has been a long time coming a lot of people need to fart my fart mic Toot-toot. Yeah Toot-toot. Yeah Toot-toot. I'm serious about the fart mic I'm Professional mics. Yeah, we've been looking into fart mics, which has been a long time coming a lot of people need to fart my part

My part my toot-toot Tom That was a perfect part. Thank you. Yeah, we got the equipment Tom I feel like a lot of our listeners are saying this about wanting it. Can I have the fart mic? Uh You're kidding Oh, it's so upsetting. Yeah, you did all that work Well, these chairs like you've said before they're not conducive to fart mic. You got My tears come to my eyes that was

Really had to be proud of yourself. Yeah, but you cut that on on start