Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 482-Liza Treyger-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: January 16, 2019

Sometimes reading the bible brings you peace and sometimes it reminds you that you beat your wife. Er, we better let the good Pastor explain this one.  PLUS, the viewers had a lot to say about the new set. Will our corporate sponsor help explain the choices we made? We hope so.  AND The Cool Guy Club keeps growing. What's that? Well, we just happen to luck out and have a lot of cool guys appear on our show. This week might have the coolest guy of all. He's a toy reviewer! AND the very funny Liza Treyger joins us in studio to talk about her love life, her fascination with porn and a lot more.  We're lovin it!

I got some uh huge announcements really yeah for the tour um thank you but first of all everybody who's come out so far we did two weekend so far San Francisco San Diego and they were bananas amazing crowds you're going to call it the Polly and by tour well is that the next one that probably i mean this year i'm announcing that i'm Polly i think next year i'll announce that i'm also bisexual but um yeah but people have been just unbelievable so i just want to say thank you to everybody that came out to those shows and let you know here is where we're adding we're doing a second show at the john lineman center for the performing arts in newhaven connecticut come net account we are adding a second show in portland may first

at the keller auditorium parkland we are adding a fourth show at the moore theater in seattle washington me and here is the big one that i i can't believe this came together so the chicago theater sold out two shows in april and we couldn't add any more that weekend because of the other shows around it so i'm coming back to chicago june second to do a third show at the chicago theater those are all on sale beginning wednesday uh this wednesday which is what january 16th 10 a.m local time in each of those markets uh thank you so much and uh for the people asking about the other cities that will first be announced on my email list if you sign up at my website tomscura.com slash tour that email will go out in probably uh six weeks and that'll announce the second half of

the tour your big ass stadium tour my big ass theater tour i like that who knew you could do it who knew and those will all be that's going to be all the canadian stuff the rest of the u.s new york la all those markets that's going to be um in about six weeks you're not saying any of these cities names properly and you're fending a lot of people well why don't you chicago take over for me judork titties yes okay uh thank you everybody who came out to the main room at the comedy store last week we had such a great time and for those of you who didn't come go fuck yourself now i'm just okay i have another round of la shows may 31st you can see me uh may 31st through june 1st i just added that weekend and sperm bank california at flaper's comedy club and uh also denver

i'm coming two weeks january 31st through february 2nd denver wow how do you say denver again you always used to say mom for mom for i love that uh to come on your works their tickets are really moving quick so get them now february 23rd west solom springs i'm doing that oklahoma cherokee casino february 28th through march 2nd madison wiskumson the cum club on state yeah april 4 through 6 mini apple tits fantastic city amazing yes the acne comedy club and then may 10th and 11th this is going to be good tempe tempe uh and you got to say it like a real arizona tempe tempe tempe arizona the tempe improp may 31st through june 2nd like i mentioned flaper's here in sperm bank and then june 20th to 22nd washington dick cum at the dick cum improp

tickets at people really want to hear that they do they love it okay i'll tell you because when i tweeted out right the correct way i get chastised by her fans okay uh christina p online for all those ticket links god bless you uh before i forget i don't want to forget um the store has been uh blowing up thank you so much to all you for all you guys uh supporting the the stow um there are of course the good morning julia shirts and full throttle there's also a good morning julia mugs and good morning julia socks um in addition to that we have restocked some of the all-time classics that people love such as uh just glassing um piss on me beat me bikes bikes um there's a few other ones and they've been restocked so thank you very much those are at merchmethod.com slash tom

cigar also i like to repost a lot of your videos on the gram i'm at the christine and p if you want to see stuff that we don't cover on this show that's true the christine and p all right you're cigar at tom at cigar tom because a british boy is tom cigar he's a nice kid though mommy oh mommy oh and there it is gene what's gonna happen we got our business out of the way sure it's going to be show time are you ready to get into this are you ready to do this show i'm a little nervous because you've already told me that you're fond of one of the gentlemen oh this isn't that this isn't that this is good too no this is really good but yes there's a lot of good stuff today okay okay i'm scared let's get this party started sure i'm sitting in my backyard um reading my

bible but i wanted to make this video i want to confess um regarding domestic violence and the seriousness of it i've been with my wife for 19 years i believe in beating women i believe in i have beat my wife in the past several times and i'm serious i'm very serious this is big time who is randy don't bring anyone loving to this don't burn me in the fucking stand welcome welcome to your mom's house with tom cigar at tom susan and christina positsa christina positsa welcome to your mom's house so what do you think i see a trend forming in our clip choices what kind of guy what kind of guy

would you describe him as just cool guys guys who love women yeah pro ladies he's so sincere yeah he is i actually think he's a pretty nice guy yeah that's the thing it's confusing because he does come off as a really swell guy and then he drops that bomb and he just he just has a different angle you know i don't understand why everyone's a fucking stupid idiot yeah you know what i mean yeah it's really descended into a cool lane but you know what's what is scarier the guy who's yelling stuff like that guy yeah or a cool calm and collected guy who's like you've got to beat a woman right right right i see your point which one's more serial serial killery i mean definitely the cool calm guy the call this is more terrifying because he didn't pass for a

regular human i mean he's got let's see what else i think he's got some other things to say sitting in my backyard reading my bible but i wanted to make this video i want to confess regarding domestic violence and the seriousness of it i've been with my wife for 19 years i believe in beating women i believe in i have beat my wife in the past several times and i'm serious i'm very serious um i believe it comes a time when you have to just beat her especially when she hits you and cusses you out and get out of place definitely this is how we had in the past when we used to drink and club back in the day when we wasn't um say we may get into physical altercation right when she would hit me she was about 135 then i was about 250 i would just

sit there and crack up at it and laugh and just say what are you doing women are not scared of us because they are they were came from us they're not scared of us so they they want a five three women which challenges six of a man because of the man that's in her but um the way i beat her i literally would just ignore her if i ignore her she'll jump on my back i'll just laugh okay wow sounds like these two are a volatile couple to begin with yeah and he's all i mean he's he's going over the bible right now it's in it is in the bible he does he prompts me it gets me in the mood you know it was um like to me whenever i go like i'm gonna read the bible i'll think about when i beat women too right he they do have all kinds of crazy shit like that in the bible though

the bible does have wild shit yeah so this guy is just reading he's just doing what he's told yeah yeah he's doing what he's told um how much is he way he said 250 and she was 135 yeah that's not a fair fight yeah but now he said he said like oh what i do is i'll laugh at her and i'll ignore her and that's how i beat her oh sure yeah i think he was trying to make a point that like you can beat someone emotionally yeah you can emotionally abuse somebody and win which is fun too which is really all key ingredients to a great marriage listen what are you getting out of punching a woman in the face what what are you right right it's more it's more of a victory when you beat her the right way and then they still want to come at you hard i want to fight you

this is what you do get naked i'm talking to a man and women if you're in a heated battle if you want to beat her both of you just get naked because if you get naked you can't stay mad that long looking at your wife and man's beauty there's a way to beat your wife and i'm not talking about physically i'm talking about psychologically he tricked us how often and be honest yeah do you want to hit me not often no no come on third times i really make you mad no nine when you really don't like me uh never no no women are stupid yeah thanks for introducing that meme that whole thing because now in my comments and on my twitter and stuff it'll be like a great show christine you dumb bitch coming to see in denver you stupid cunt like oh oh cook me why is it so

hard to meet a girl just a fucking fuck bro yeah christine you stupid bitch yeah that's a fun new lane a lot of women out there are fully fucking full of shit and it's stupid yeah says einstein you like that this guy's done his research by the way i think that pastor actually has good intentions yeah but he uh he used this phrase is like there's a way to beat your woman right he meant to say like there's a way to deal with anger correct if don't be physical like keep composed and maybe you know walk away but he said there's a way to beat your woman yeah like he's right as you're saying he's saying beat her as in win the argument or something it sounds really aggressive but he still wants to hurt her which is me which is like the point of your spouse he's like i want her to

emotionally fall apart and that's how you're gonna fight because that's really the key to a good marriage is when you want to destroy that other person right of course and you're fighting or just shaming them and that's how we do that's how you and i'm stating different advice you know different people you don't like it delete me ban you i don't give a fuck is that my boyfriend that's your boyfriend ted so you've been getting a lot of those oh my god it's just a it's it's fun it is right there's hey hitler that's a neat one obviously always always and now being called the dumb bitch is really special really fun when they yell hitler when you walk on stage it's still a really cool thing to hear there's a hitler i'm like cool because there's still people that don't know

of course you're at the comedy store on a Tuesday night yeah packed main room yeah and then somebody just as the applause dies goes hey hitler dude what are you doing well now i'm gonna get christine you dumb bitch i don't know make me dinner he's stupid bitch hey well look we have to get into it yeah look we have to get into it first of all um i love it here and i just wanted to say that but i wanted to point something out it's not just that i love it here you love it here the fans love it here i have never seen anything like this yes we literally got 100 percent positive feedback hey on the new set and that was something that i didn't expect so yeah i'm glad that everybody feels like it's a home run yep and that everybody wants

everything to stay the same and people love change if it's one thing we know about humans it's they adapt really well to new things yes i'm just so surprised too how much love we've been getting on the set absolutely yeah people really you know they they they they're just thrilled with what we've done so i'm happy that they're happy sure i want to point out a couple things though so one thing uh that somebody pointed out was that uh they thought i didn't control the the sound anymore well that's false got that wrong i have a a pooter to my right that you might not be able to see yeah but i still play all the sound drops uh myself they're all right here so yeah secondly yeah there are some things that have changed and um that's just the way it goes

you know one of the uh one of the things that happened was that people were were sending in comments and i asked our great production staff here to pull some of the um comments about the new set great i'd love to hear you know i feel good because it just reinforces that we've made good decisions and that the audience is on our side that always feels good to read well here's some of the one you want to hear some of them i'd love to hear it all right my reaction to this new studio is the same as the decapitated german shepherd's reaction okay positive yeah smiles go ahead this set is somewhat both a mcdonald's and a 1980s finished basement yeah looks like a chinese communist party boardroom uh-huh studio looks like a courtroom in a mcdonald's that's good okay the new

studio looks like a library that sells vhs tapes i think you mean library definitely a green screen behind tom this set might actually be a joke i hope it is i also got a lot of green screen messages why are you in front of a green screen why is that they don't believe the dog's real i don't know i don't know but i think it was like the lack of shadows or something it's not a green screen but here all right let's let's just get straight up tell tell people clean what happened yeah so we're going to come over here we're going to build this set and um you know all of our agents to stuff know about it so i get this call um a few months ago and one of my agents goes hey how do you feel about working with mcdonald's and i said like i don't feel one way or the other about it honestly well i

love mcdonald's product i mean yeah it's great but i i mean at the time i'm like what do you mean he's like well you know someone over there they they like the show their fans um would you consider having them uh have help decorate the new set and they'll give you a hundred thousand dollars and i said dude like i have integrity right i'm not just gonna let mcdonald's throw a hundred thousand dollars at me and just go oh now they they pick the color scheme you know so he's like fair enough i i you know that's fair and i figure that's that and also keep in mind mcdonald's has discovered that the way to really advertise and reach people is to do it more embedded like remember we covered that thing that story where the asian kid took a picture of he and his friends and put

it in the mcdonald's and corporate kind of realized the way to sell now to the millennials yeah yeah is to make it more embedded and and more organic so that was that was the yeah part of the intention that they had well he calls me back a week later unprompted we haven't any comment or conversations about he said hey mcdonald's wants to know i thought we i thought we already talked about this he said uh they'll give you 250 thousand dollars and i go dude i'm not like i'm not doing that you know right so i don't hear from him for uh this time like i don't know three or four weeks more and this time now the the the layout is is picked and there's already a design coming he calls me up and he goes hey i know this sounds crazy but you know mcdonald's and i go again with

the mcdonald's he goes how does 2.3 million dollars sound oh yeah right and what do they want to do he's like they want to design the set and then you guys get like free mcdonald's all the time and i go do they dictate like uh you know are they gonna pick out what we can talk about and stuff he's like no he's like go hardcore you know right just let mcdonald's have a little fucking stay yeah yeah and i'm a huge fan of their products already this is kind of a no-brainer easy i tell you i can't remember the last time i had a filet of fish but it's fantastic have you had this fucking drinks are amazing amazing the coke is always so sweet and bubbly it's just

and the nuggets i love the nuggets which one's your favorite iced in this but yeah i really like keep it simple cheeseburgers fries chicken nuggets yeah especially if you're drunk they ask us not to say that but if you're drunk it's even better oh fuck yeah we also picked up our happy meals on the way in thanks mcdonald's thank you mcdonald's the neatest part is that i mean we're trying to get them to redo this policy but they did ask is the happy meal for a boy or a girl yeah what's up with that why don't you pick your own pronoun we're gonna have to educate them on the non-binary stuff but other than that what toy did you get and your happy meal well let's see what did i get i got the boys one this is a truck i got a red truck no it's gay uh oh i got a cat

it's a girl oh what do they put fruit in here now oh no oh boy i like these fries though it's delicious it really is thank you mcdonald's you know so many people messaged me about mcdonald's some in very insulting ways one in such a way that i didn't even feel comfortable uh repeating it so i had it um recorded this is what somebody messaged me about our new set you got a mcdonald's nigga and uh yeah huh i don't know what tone that is is that complimentary oh you're saying that we got that as a as a common comment and then you had somebody maybe read it out loud yeah can we hear it again well that was you got a mcdonald's nigga that's one way it's like he's a little dismayed by it or something sure you got a mcdonald's nigga and that's celebratory right like you did this

yeah good for you so the answer is yeah i did and uh i'm loving it so there's a lot to celebrate and i hope that everybody's uh as happy as we are with um the corporate sponsorship we have the burgers we have filet of fish and we have many many french fries many many french fries all that we want it's so good it's so good i know it really is last time in a big month it's been a long time but now i feel like it's going to be a regular part of my diet of course with uh their involvement so well you can't make it paleo if you just don't need the bun let me just tell uh some other address one other thing about the new setup here some people were really flipping out about you know how everything's working just give it a second man things will change you know like right

some people flipped out it's like dude we're trying things out like today for instance you know we have tech things going on today if you're watching the show you won't see us picture in picture we have some type of glitch right you're gonna see the videos full frame i don't know you might end up liking that maybe we'll end up doing it who knows well another difference you might notice is that the set lighting is darker it's darker and that's mcdonald's gave us the okay yeah we had to ask them we said can we turn down the lights and they're like yeah okay we did feel it was a little bright for steakhouse yeah i was like do i have to get back any money and they're like no right but you know don't don't make it any darker no we want people to know that you're still at our

restaurant restaurant yeah so right yeah well the neat thing about mcdonald's is a sponsor is that they don't censor us they don't they let us do what you want what they want and like you know we might even do some things we're like well we'll take some of you guys out to mcdonald's you know well that's cool yeah like a cool maybe like we'll do a a road a live your mom's house and then we'll take everyone in mcdonald's that'd be awesome or we'll have it catered you know that's the kind of life we live here now you have your own mcdonald's no way yeah i fucking do so let's get social so shall well anyway so that's what happened and that's what happened speaking of awesome sponsors yeah um the wonderful people at satva if you listened last week

um we're kind enough to allow us to do a type of contest gene and the contest is that we can um we put out a call to the listeners and we asked you guys to tell us why you deserved a free satva mattress they're letting us give away a couple of them we're gonna do a a satva luxury mattress and a lumen leaf memory foam mattress and you have to tell us why you bombarded the email account with so many submissions these guys had to filter through i don't know more than a hundred or two hundred you said and um yeah a lot yeah so uh these are your selects of some of the best ones yeah we narrowed it down um there was hundreds that got submitted and uh me and josh went through them and uh picked our favorites okay um i guess we can

should we just watch them in succession let them rip yeah we picked our top eight okay we think it's a good representative of everything should we stop after each one sure okay all right let's let's let's go ready gene i'm ready good morning satva it's me train just wanted to say hi wish you a great day and tell you that you've given away a free mattress to a mommy in need is one of the greatest opportunities in my life since i finished putting myself through college i had to move out of state for work and haven't been able to afford furniture so i've been sleeping on the floor oh jeez a beautiful ground molding please help me erase that from my memory i'm in all of this mattress like it's never been loved before i could really see myself fall into sleep on you so let's make it happen chow baby

very clever well done and also tugged at the heartstrings a little bit yeah he definitely expresses a clear need here for a mattress he does he does tray is sleeping like i did on a dog bed yes no you at least had a mattress poor tray yeah so far so good i mean i would say the tray good morning satva it's me joe hear about you extend away mattresses the other day i couldn't stop thinking about you as you can see my mattress here it's old and many times i have a guest over they say that they're scared uncomfortable they just want to go back home to the old mattress so uh i hope this message doesn't scare you but i promise if you send me another mattress i won't ever go back to my old mattress someone even know who my ex mattress was but that's all you're getting for now satva

chow baby wow for those of you just listening to the show he had a woman tied to his existing mattress yes in the background had ankles wrists and a bag or something over her head so it was terrifying and very well very creative very well orchestrated i will say for this gentleman yes what i do like is his shirtlessness he really got some points there yeah yeah that was yeah steve and sarah sure big points for going shirtless well that's one of the your mom's house hallmarks yeah of a good video shirtlessness poor lighting uh drugs i think i should get the mattress because i have never had a new mattress and i'm currently sleeping on the one my grandmother died in oh dear oh dear winner winner chicken dinner i think that's pretty great yeah that's pretty great

yep i like that here's the deal man i'm a broke college student i need to get fucked a lot man how can i expect hot black guys to want to move in and piss on me and beat me when i'm sleeping on an inflatable mattress on the floor so please satva open up your heart and your arms to me give me a real mattress home we are now waiting for delivery i love it man you know who gets my vote for sure that's one i mean for sure she's getting one well you know what i like is that she chose reason and logic that was a a reasonable argument yeah is this person a pre-law because i don't know but she so she knows her audience she certainly does um good morning julia just wanted to say that even though i'm a real handy guy that i need a new mattress right now right now right

now right now right now right now right now because i'm looking for black guys who like to fucking fucking good all right i don't want to move in get a lease and a key and even bring to friends man i here's the deal man but i can't do this on this piece of crap so i need your help mommy's help me get a new mattress because i'm a hot white calm dump and i need to oh my god wow wow i mean look she's got the lighting down she's got different themes from your mom's house she's got the acting chops yep wow she's she nailed it too fuck that's so hard go ahead Todd and Christine i think i should get the mattress because i don't have a fucking mattress oh man love you guys oh sweet to the point yes very direct

long as long just for strokes will do again very creative wow very talented people out there and you know 30 seconds is not a lot of time i know to be funny and informative so yeah it was good that we kept it to that though for sure mommy time mommy and christina coming at you from your favorite camera angle let me give you a glimpse into my mattress situation the springs are going full throttle i'm stabbing through my mattress so i have to lay a towel on top so it doesn't stab me save me from my standard mattress i like that one a lot oh my life i mean how are we supposed to choose i don't know man i don't know that was really good though i know and again like when they when he shows you the uh

horrific mattress i know but then there are people that don't even have a mattress i know and then there are people whose grandma's died on their mattresses and then there are girls that want to fuck black guys on their mattress all right do you think that all right so um i can't decide right now are we supposed to decide right now uh we probably should yeah oh my who's your favorite which one spoke out to you the most i like the girl who meshed together the different videos and at the end finished in the dark okay as the tried out guy i mean i have sympathy for the last guy and the grandma one those three i feel like tugged at my heart my fart strings i i like those as well i was gonna vote for the last guy and then the the first girl with the bike

in her living room with the air mattress oh she's trying to smash you know she's trying to get get with the black dudes so you're saying we should get a black guy and then the girl who wants a mattress to fuck the black guy is on okay can you not ruin oh sorry so um here's what i'm gonna i don't know um yeah i vote for so who do you vote for yeah i mean i personally i vote i vote for rey the last guy i mean he seems like he's most in need of a mattress he's got a like a metal spring poking him in the back that he's got a lid towel down for gosh so we all agree that there's one give that guy because like that level of suffering yeah and sometimes sleeping on the floor is better than sleeping on a mat on that kind of okay so there's one oh my god

okay go ahead what about what's your what's your next favorite one uh next favorite one i'd probably say the girl that runs through all the different y-mage stuff yeah the girl that i liked that one at the end yeah okay that guy uh that has the girl tied up in the bed that's really creative there's points for that there's points for that true well it sounds like you both voted for that girl then right yeah all right there it is there's two people they won hey those are our winners congratulations you got uh three so the two people are is the girl and uh and the guy with the metal spring poking out yes okay yeah all right congratulations guys you did you won enjoy your new slot for mattress we've been sleeping on ours for a long time thank you for

participating in that fun giveaway that was fun yeah it was Tommy you had some explosive browns today i was really bad i don't know what happened to me but i have a theory all morning long bad i know i'm set because we couldn't come here fast enough and you couldn't use a fart mic oh it's empty now there's nothing in the chamber man i mean i gotta say if i had had what i had last week or like this morning last week it would have been so epic right i was actually i i will say and i give you full credit okay i'm not trying to share the credit i give you full credit a lot of people were celebrating as they were knocking the studio design they were saying well the one saving grace is that fart mic right which is your credit yes um i honestly if i could

go back i wouldn't have even farted in it the first time what are you talking about it was such a minuscule fart what are you talking about it was so insignificant and to me the fart mic should be reserved for huge impact farts only wait what are you telling me you're telling me that you're a fart supremacist and you only want the biggest farts yes that fart last week was so like it was like tom all farts matter no i don't think so i'm not going to grab this thing every time i have to baby you've got to do it that's your obligation to the listeners that's what the fart mic is for when you heard what i did in the at home today in the morning when that was like an that was amazing so that was amazing that's something that i would share but what kind of

attitude is this that that not all the farts are going to make it to fart mic some are good and some are better that's just how life is you can't bad you can't bad a perfect score whatever they say in baseball right i'm so empty right now there's nothing left why don't you eat some more mcdonald's i will look the sponsor up wait so no but you're being serious here that you're going to be kind of lazy about the fart mic is what i'm hearing i'm going to be selective i wouldn't say it's lazy at all i'm going to say i'm going to grab that fart mic when i feel like oh this is this is something but i'm not just going to do it for any like i broke the mold here i christened but it was with uh it was a lame fart do you feel that people judge the fart that it wasn't big

enough i know that i'm more critical of myself than other people are i'm a perfectionist right i want it to be a certain level so yeah i'm sure people out there were like what what is that that wasn't even a fart that's what you heard that's what i heard you know i think i think you should bring this up in therapy because i think you're just hearing your own negative talk that's negative self talk that's true i think that fart was great no you need to give yourself more credit for your work f a r t i don't think so you need to give yourself some credit that's very nice to you but i don't feel that way okay sorry i can only you know you you hear what you want to hear yeah just didn't i don't i don't i didn't feel like it today well then just for the audience listening

i'm going to continue to give you all my farts all i have and you decide which ones you like yeah that just feels like on a side note i just wanted to give you a surprise um if there's something i've been working on uh with nadav here what for a minute um well nadav uh we know there's been a discussion about who drinks the most water oh for fuck's sake and we just put a little compilation how many episodes is this so this is a span of the last four episodes and something that i've been doing for the last six months is whenever someone's taking a clear sip of water i cut to them for the duration of the sip so i've compiled a little bit of stuff to show you guys uh christina's got a lot of footage over

the last four episodes oh my god sure go ahead roll it let's see it last week my one of my favorite moments when we had done again on was when you and i just looked at each other yeah that could have wow now hands you know uh educate me gary old real kiss nice first day baby this stuff before that that that doesn't really yeah yeah you say that but i'll tell you this and i thought this the other day that's clean my room geez me too what's up like so me too and like i've never it's it's the best thing i've ever heard okay videos so long i can eat a big mac is coming on so all right ask me she's like when he was feeding people all right it's very long we're maybe halfway oh my god you want to play that for the audience i was going to but you know

well it made a judgment call uh let's uh take a look at tom's foot oh for fuck's sake all right here's tom um that's very very funny well i can tell you something yeah um that will probably blow your mind and that is that i was actually told to dial back my water that is not true yeah true stop it it's true when are you gonna stop with the excuses it's not an excuse it's very true you're such a liar face no i was over at that diagnostics like i did blood and they were like you need you're hydrating too much uh huh so what i've been doing is i just pick a window of time

when to hydrate you're such a liar not i can't believe now you're spinning this that it's a medical necessity for you to drink less water there's no doctor that's gonna tell you to drink less water oh yeah oh yeah there are good ones well oh my god i can't believe you're such a liar well are you finally going to admit that i'm the true water champ now the evidence no i'm not i mean the evidence was there that video we had to stop watching it it was a minute long of montage of just me drinking look what you did in that video while sure it looks it looks like it's impressive if you're talking about a camera rolling all day i would be like in

an ocean basically okay you're doing it you're like oh there's a camera unbelievable hold on unbelievable you do your little show unbelievable yeah unbelievable is right i can't believe yana will allow the audience to decide guys you decide i mean you've been watching me drink and hydrate and he doesn't it's clear that i'm the champion thank you how's that nugget delicious what's your favorite dipping sauce i like the barbecue i want to thank steve and denise and mcdonald's for setting it all up today yeah it's good i like the mcrib it's a seasonal item did you know that it's not there all year did you know that there's a there's pickles on the mcrib too yeah of course some people didn't know that it's fantastic yeah great american food great american

food um this is rare but i drink so much water that i have to take a pee break oh stop it so let's do a quick pee break all right and we'll be right back oh man those are good pee break i know i just ate that big mac i feel so sick now dude i feel nourished i mean it's our sponsor crying out loud women are stupid feels good yeah anyways i feel so nourished and i feel healthy and happy now that i ate some mcdonald's me too um you know we have to pause for another bathroom break we um we went like a month ago to uh laker game which was a thrill i've always loved sports i always felt like you're kind of on the edge with it like we were like well take her to leave it or whatever not really care

but you had um the best time i did i really enjoyed it you really really loved uh going to the game i want us to go back to more that big black cock i don't know what you loved about it i mean i had different ideas but um you you mentioned that you were having a great time it got me excited to want to go to more basketball games and there's this um young lady here who is also a fan of basketball you might relate to her in a lot of ways oh okay cool my favorite basketball team is whatever mga player i'm fucking i love watching basketball it's just way more interesting when there's someone on the team like that i'm linked to but i don't really have a favorite one just players damn i think she's real too i i believe it she's really cute she's cute she's a nba slut

she is and uh look at her was she eating her pasta making videos about it too in a way you know what this really is it's like this video is like a bat signal yeah a player yes so she talks about it in a general sense but then if you're a player you're like hey what's up what are you like hey what's up i'm a being you got a mcdonald's yeah there's uh there's definitely i mean she knows she knows what she's doing too i believe it well i believe i think you're right it's kind of like that chick that called herself super head yeah remember and she's like i did the best and then before you know it there's a line of guys around the block oh yeah right tom oh yeah tom goes oh yeah the white boys at school don't have dicks like that

yeah good for her i will say you know in my youth i was so stupid because i was like i would just give it out give it out for for a free hotdog or whatever yeah at least she's getting her money you think she's getting her money she's eating good pasta that's the i don't know i don't know i'm hoping that she's getting something you think they're paying her for it or just getting like handbags and stuff you know for sure not me like i was like i love people i i bet yeah i believe in love and stuff like that first thing off the dome is the dome because i love sucking dick but here's the thing there's a lot of guys that i've been with that i never sucked your dick or if we were intimate it wasn't a focal point so i don't know now that's one of your favorite

things is when girls talk about how they love yeah i always think that's a little fishy when a girl leads with that like i just love sucking dick but i also believe that she's good at it well because she puts it out there yeah but that's like the same guy who wears a thumb ring and he's like i'm a feminist it's the same it's the same bait of like look how cool i am i do the thing every everybody wants me to do of the opposite sex but do you feel like all you got to do is basically i don't know put it out there like if you say it then people will believe yeah yeah you're just defining yourself like i'm the world's greatest comedian you keep saying that long enough and people believe you you know what's interesting sidebar is that this new craze with the eyelashes

have you noticed this yeah that girls have just outrageously large eyelashes they're big and fake and they they look so matted together it doesn't look good anything that seems like an extreme starts to look cartoonish yeah you know you look like a cartoon i like her message though it's sort of the same message uh that um i'm telling you remember huh that our friend last yeah that guy's not good thank you yeah no thanks like i don't want to hear i don't want to visit it again it's great all done all y'all beautiful women nope yeah he's the guy right no thanks he's he's so good at it you heard me okay all right i don't know do you think she's a good slut oh yeah yeah see you you've always said that that you can tell who's a slut and who's not right but i feel like

your criterion is kind of arbitrary i would have pegged her i would have i would have known how do you know she's a slut okay let's just say like she you don't hear her talking about second dicks and stuff yeah tell me what the giveaway is i mean there's look it's a combination of things it's the way that it's definitely the way you know they look the way they look at you you know the eye contact the way someone's dressed the hair eye contact yeah of course i'm looking at you right now like what what do you mean it's a special eye contact of course there's a slut eye energy yeah i slut eye energy yes can you show me your slut eye energy slut eye energy hold on you can't tell by looking at this hoe that she's a hoe no because when the

video started i was like oh who's this nice young nice young lady well does she say anything else like this that uh makes us believe that she's i'm just honest here you go i don't fear anyone or anything so i never find it necessary to lie you ask me did you come babe nope try again next time okay last question two bits of advice i allow myself to feel if i don't allow myself to feel the emotions get trapped therefore i'm suppressing and then when i suppress i become when you allow yourself to feel it goes number two is i don't judge myself i allow myself however much time i need to get up for it hey and actually can i tell you something yeah she had real insight there sure she really did she's been in therapy for 10 years too from yeah i'm putting it out there so

much oh oh that's what it is you think because so many guys have run a train on her so much calm yeah pistons the clippers christ yeah for sure is she a cheerleader spurs she could have been because i always think those uh like when we saw the lake or is i'm like i wonder i wonder if all those cheerleaders are banging all the players they are right i think back in the day i don't think anymore i don't think anymore because there's no money in cheerleader you gonna sleep three days my baby no thank you uh so so this is what i've been so excited no thank you but by the way i want to say a couple things about that girl i think she's actually highly intelligent yeah she seems bright yeah i think she's bright she had also had her nails there's another

give off nails nails were hoish right she had the i didn't see it in the first thing but the the half top thing that's a slut that's a lean that's a basic leaning into your home yeah um and yeah i think she's bright but she's put it out there and it's fine no hold on i'm happy for her can we bring up now i like her i know that you think i thank you you're married two children two dogs show together yeah do you think you can identify give me some other slut markers oh i mean leggings shoes certain shoes are giveaways what are the shoes and the leggings there's just there's certain there's certain like there's certain heels that are for hoes oh and uggs absolutely certain boots that hoes wear that uggs are slut shoes sometimes this depends let's see who's this

hoe right here you are so funny you're always saying that to me because yeah but see like her whole gear it this isn't the hoe outfit the this is where like the ugg so she's not a slut that's is this girl a slut she fucks i mean i wouldn't call her a slut but i mean it's not like it's impossible to fuck her she but she's not a she's easier but she's not a full slut uh yeah i mean yeah because i wear that how about that girl is that girl a slut no no what are you talking about i look like she goes to sculpting class with that pattern on there okay okay that's me by the way how about that lady i mean she fucks you could tell you know looks like she she definitely fucks hard now i wear leggings with ugg boots and every time i do at the house you're like

you're like such a slut um yeah i mean let's jailo is she a slut no i mean that's like you know in the outfit again like it's it's the the ugg it can be an accessory of hodum or it can be like a obviously um something that provides comfort i mean here she's obviously on set she's probably wearing heels or something during the scene and it's just downtime i mean i get it i don't think that that in this situation defines her as a hoe but i mean there's definitely a lot of hoes that that wear them you know those ugg boots though they're made with dog fur on the inside oh man they stink to high heaven oh my god they're called that because they stink is it dog fur for real kind of furs in there it's not dog fur uh so here's the okay this is what

i've been so excited no thanks i already see it you know no hold on you know how you know how i gotta get my shrink on speed dial i'm already like has featured some of the coolest guys i have bow talk so i can't scowl but i want to scowl through the bow talk you know how some of the coolest guys ever have appeared on this show well here's something cool there is they they there's no end to how many cool guys are out there all right i'll tell you yeah yeah thank you and there guys speed again and i'm here to do a little video no i'm gonna use this butt vibrating toy that i bought this new one and i thought i'd try that in and then i also wanted to try this double-ended um fuck sleeve that has these like massive bullets in them stop did of

course and then i went to look and they didn't send any batteries what's his hand i don't want it stop the damn video i cannot park but the butt toy vibrates so i'm sure that's gonna get me off it's got this cool i'm gonna vomit i'm gonna vomit and then i got this cool ice a friend of mine had one and he fucks it with his boyfriend and it's a double-ended dude so i really want to try this um because i like fucking stuff but first i'm gonna try and get this in my butt and then um turn it on and it's even got this cool little um remote control and let's just see what happens okay it's got a nice texture to it i think it'll be easy to go in can we pause this please is there any way to can we pause this i can't take it i need a minute

i can't just watch this we're maybe halfway through all the clips yeah i know i can we just pause i'm gonna throw up i'm maybe at some mcdonald's but i i gotta take a minute here i got it i got it i think i'm blind i don't like it babe what the fuck is happening is this kind of YouTube with this shit where is it doing this he's putting something in his ass on the internet i'm gonna fucking throw up no i don't like any of this i don't so this cool guy made this video and he did not post it on youtube this was on a hardcore sex site oh is this judge potter's thing no no i i was given the uh the great benefit of having this emailed to me i can't and somebody wrote i'd love to give him credit they wrote um hey i saw this

video it seemed awesome and perfect for your show and i was like all right i'll see what this is i started to laugh so hard that i forwarded it and then adab told me he's like i had spent a lot of time cropping because he's he's got a heart on the whole time and he's yeah he's jerking off about the entire video and then today when i was looking over the clips i noticed that there were some spots that i missed so i had to go back you'll see it yeah i thought so because his other hand is doing something the whole time that he's doing something yeah and i'm like what is this animal doing so right now though we are freeze framed here in studio throw up with his uh leg is coming back okay can i i got it i got it that's why i had to stop and take a minute because my lunch is coming

up there's nothing more disgusting to me than a man at this angle do you know what i'm saying with his leg up and his foot in the frame it's so disgusting it's so gross cool though that he provides this service it's not to the community nobody i got these toys i got a review for you nobody you know how they work nobody needs him to do any of this by the way though let's start with he does it regularly because he's so comfortable he's like hey guys i'm back you know it's like like those guys that open like uh you know like i got the new samsung and galaxy like check it out yeah so he's doing here review well he's nude he's shirtless he's completely naked he's got a crazy tan like he could tell you he goes to tan tanning beds and wears like his little speedos in

there um but the back let's see how the stuff the background is hideous too he's got like an Aztec car i'm gonna throw up i can't oh it does have kind of a good size head on it so it may take me a minute okay take your time i'm looking in and i've had anything in my butt since my last uh butt toy video oh okay so you do do this a lot take it in oh yeah so i've said this before with butt play if you're new to it you gotta go slow don't try and rush it yeah don't try and go too fast yeah it's a little hurt you won't want to try again and trust me once once you get used to it you learn how to breathe and relax yourself yeah butt play can be a lot of fun sure okay i can't take this

it feels pretty comfortable in there okay okie doke thanks madame i don't feel it poking oh it's nice it's a nice feel to it stop please pause no please i'm gonna die i'm dying i'm dead wait why do they call it he's always like they're always like butt play and then i'm like oh this hurts like what part of that play implies fun and pleasure and they're always like this hurts going in your butt play yeah it's butt play you know it's not play it's a playground play implies positive feelings it's fun there's just a little discomfort at first this head's pretty big yeah i haven't had this feeling since the last butt plug video i made uh man he's uh who he's really how do you get to this point in your life like what's happened up until now well

obviously this guy is like this is a good idea for me to do on the internet and he's got to get positive feedback about it tons yeah i mean people are like hey wait wait hey jimmy when do you make another vid terry he's a terry i feel like terry terry make another video this week or what but how do you get this comfortable with it you know i imagine the first one he's a little timid i think it's it's just doing it a lot that's the thing like with practice practice it's like he was saying you don't shove a dick in there the first time he's into it cool so now he's making videos all the time i gotta say decent camera the angle's not flattering not flattering check lighting not great yeah background not great yeah yeah he's got his teeth which is disappointing

go ahead let's watch the end of this is there more oh yeah let me try to turn it on the remote doesn't seem to work at least when i first tried it with turning on it just it cycles through the steps so oh that's just a constant that's even higher yeah that's like a throbbing i'm gonna try out the sleeve now and like i said i'm really kind of disappointed that this won't be vibrating too but i think with this thing going off in my butt do you like it um it's gonna be okay and this has some really weird knobbies i mean inside there you seem really upset how much shit is he gonna put on him and in his butt and in his dick i mean i keep waiting for it to end like how much shit are you gonna put up your butt and around your

dick and on your this is the last clip on your balls like really nicely no thanks i'm done i'm good no i'm gonna i can't take it i think i might my brain's overloading i can't i can't i'm out whoa whoa wow it's pretty tight i wasn't expecting that oh that's cool cool feature okay dammit uh oh oh fuck it oh fuck fuck fuck fuck ah oh oh god dammit dammit so i think that's what you call a ruined organism because i did look at this cat and it felt really good and that thing buzzing my butt just sent me off i wasn't expecting it so i want to try this again with the vibrators um the bullets oh cool and then of course having a

buddy to do it with me someday be nice really fucking awesome yeah take care of you guys hope you enjoyed that we definitely enjoyed that terry i don't know you fucking killed it bro i think he needs a mattress too it doesn't look like there's not in that apartment just let me eat you the cat everything is so fucked up babe i really think i mean we've seen so much on the show where does that rank for you that was right over the limit like i think i'm that was like i think i've tapped out of the show wait what what was the worst part all of it i had like just watching him blow his load he's like oh this is so great i'm like i'm god dammit why did you show me that because i thought why would you do that to me

don't you love me anymore yeah of course do you love me yes of course why would you do this to me because it was funny it was funny to watch him and it was funnier to watch you watch him you're the worst i know how to make myself laugh oh my god that really that really for me hands down easily the highlight of 2019 yeah i feel like i need a nap like i'm emotionally exhausted me too i haven't laughed that hard in a fucking while oh my god we got it this is terrible i was gonna say we should show our guests but i'm not sure she needs to see it i think she would have loved i don't think we need to share it with another woman you don't think she likes cool guys oh my god i think she likes cool guys oh my god that was so cool the cat the cat was the best the cat at the end who doesn't

know what the fuck is going on what is that what do you think that room smells like that room definitely has a funk to it yeah he's got a butt plug in it smells you know what it smells like it smells like bleach in there because he's probably always like that guy probably had aids i don't know i'm gonna clean this up yeah for sure there's problems in that room but he's also an outdoorsman you actually need an emotional break wow wow i've never seen this before like something really i think i have trauma reaction i'm like that was so bad i'm serious i have like a trauma do you like when he changes on daidai he pulled his legs up that there is no worse position on a human man yeah like i think we've done it as a joke

where you pull your legs back and i just pretend to change it like at home as a joke and it's so horribly i took a lot of me took a lot out of me i feel like we're like we're our work here is done that was the lord's work here in your mom's house yeah yeah okay oh yeah what a nightmare yeah it was a really something man who god i'm scarred thanks tommy that was neat i've been wanting uh you got your prostate exam coming up do you think this was good preparation for that but yeah you know he really i we can't say his name no but um it's our doctor yeah he really does i've talked about him in my act before in specials dr dick yeah he really is and he really does do that he really did that last year to me the he he goes um take a deep breath and i was like okay and and you're

the thing is when that's happening to you it's never been done before right so um we mean your first time yeah yeah the first process i've never had it done before so you're you're really i mean you're naked you're in the fetal position yeah and you have this almost i wouldn't say you have shame but you're you know you're it's almost like you're embarrassed a little bit and you're um you just want you want it to be over i know and you wish that um babe every woman listening is like we go through this every year i i get it the speculum of your cooch and then if you have children it's so demeaning so that's it it feels kind of demeaning and i'm i'm just staring at the wall and uh he's like um all right and take a deep breath i'm like okay he's like there's plenty of lube here

like okay he goes and you're just gonna feel slight pressure that is my cock my finger dude and i just start laughing but i'm laughing as i'm his fingers are so clamping on his finger and then he's like and when i when i when he's done he uh i'm i'm still laughing i turn around to look at him and he goes uh like he pretends that he's he switched hands he's like uh ridiculous man so i'm sure yeah he's really a fantastic doctor though yeah i know um he is he is the best doc he's so thorough yeah no he really is i trust him more than i've trusted any other doc yeah that we've had but uh yeah that's very rude of him he's incredibly that's incredibly he he has said the wildest shit to me i mean things that i haven't said

in my act you know one time i saw him when i had a sinus infection and i still remember i was going to indy i was going to play crackers in indy and i get on i get in his office and i'm like he checks me he's like oh yeah it's bad you know you're you're you're sick and i go that was that time where you're like you put your those shows ahead of your health yeah of course so i was like i have to get on this plane he was like you definitely shouldn't fly and i go i'm flying is there anything i can do to improve my you know chances he goes yeah yeah sit at a window seat and i go sit on a window seat he goes yeah left window excuse me i go why he said well you have an infection in your left ear so if you sit on your left window when your eardrum ruptures it'll splatter

all over the window and he just looks at me i'm like what the fuck yeah he's like well that's what you could do yeah i go okay thanks shit like that yeah he's but he's blunt because he's right he's right of course he was right and that was one of the worst decisions i made to fly to fly and do those show oh my god i know i know so sick but your eardrum did not rupture it did not rupture but i got really sick i know it's terrible one time i got on a plane i got the phone call that i had my urine tested and they're like there's blood in your urine and i was like what i gotta get on this flight to san francisco and i got i did shows pissing blood like what are we thinking like just to become convenience um it's just you're terrified yeah you're terrified

yeah 300 i gotta go on this plane yeah you're just so scared uh but you're gonna see him when is that tomorrow tomorrow yeah what time is your 11 all right i'll be thinking about you thanks i have to fingered uh no you better eat your mcdonald's now i'm gonna hear i'm gonna have like six servings of mcdonald's before i go to bed you know so that i'm nice and stuffed for my physical you like that uh he's gonna like hearing that you're on a mcdonald's diet and be like i don't really have a choice man it's mcdonald's time you know i'm loving it so it's the new sponsor you gotta do it is is the new sponsor and we couldn't be more thrilled you know over the uh home organization sorry james no go ahead go ahead i was gonna tell you that over the holiday you know

in la we have what's called the rose parade and we were hanging out the house we didn't do much this christmas holiday we've got two little children so we just stayed home and farted around but uh you know i i we were in the house and i jokingly was like oh you know we haven't done the days watch the rose parade because that is one of the most fucking boring things it's like it takes place in pasadena every year and people line up and spend the night like nights yeah on end to see the fucking floats go by and i've seen the floats all close they're really nice like it is i understand i mean it's unbelievable if they choose to do that well that's what you're laughing because you're like oh my god that sounds like the worst thing ever hands down the thing i think

if i were to make a list of things that i find the dumbest least appealing to me this would be in the top three me too yeah i would rather go to like a lala palooza yeah fucking coachella or burning man all those things there was a footage i saw of a coachella show i think it was last year that had upwards of 250 000 people at one of the shows i'm like oh that's that seems cool like to have a quarter million people around you well how do you take a piss and they're all drinking beer they just piss right there what do you mean how do you know for sure they do you can't just piss right you know how much piss and shit is probably on the grounds of those things well a burning man i know this is more dignified a little bit but then but where are they pissing

and shit they piss in the didis they were didis look at these lunatics look at these psychos and i'm sorry to say it god i hope you don't you're not upset but there's a there's a lot of chicks out there that lead the way in these excuse me they're really are no no they're really i don't understand why everyone was a fucking stupid idiot okay can we not start this that's the last thing we need yeah no this is this is this is universal these are idiots everywhere men and women no they are to see floats i mean i i couldn't think of anything worse it's for days and in the cold they're doing this shit over christmas it gets cold at night there yeah very very cold i mean it's um i can't think of anything i care about that much to spend the night for you know even people

that do that for black friday sales they sleep out on the sidewalk for like nights before it's crazy it's totally crazy is there anything in this world you got ten percent off more if you sleep outside tonight yeah that's like but think about miserable i've been broke by the way broke wanting things and just been like i guess it's not for me yeah and now the people are like all i had to do is sleep outside on the sidewalk overnight and you get 20 percent off i got a tv okay okay i mean you think about the misery of sitting outside in the dark and in the cold there's nothing on this planet like if someone said look your children's lives depend on that i'd be like yeah absolutely but sure that and they don't there's nothing in the world that can make me do no and

that parade shit like what do you get out of that the what when you sleep when you sleep outside parade yeah now i got i'm i'm front row as the people walk by and people will wave at us and then we get to see the float and then you ever watch channel seven news the the guy and the girl that do that they'll be right there too like what the fuck is wrong with you but you're you've nailed it that's exactly what they want it's like a then and then waving then they wave and you can wave last year you know uh sharyl from channel five she wave she wave right at me okay is that a good time and it's like you've got television you can see it on tv you don't have oh you mean like in high death right and with cutaways and you sit on your

couch and you drink a fucking hot cocoa right or that have a hot dog or in your house i like that macy's thanksgiving parade people stand for that shit too i can't imagine anything well how about those pieces of shit they go to time square for new years fuck you i know the absolute regs of humanity the drags if we have a plague we should drop it in time square absolutely and wipe those absolutely that's who dies first yeah well and especially because in jew dork titties it's so cold and it is i mean can you imagine a worse place in the country to be out of then jew dork titties no midnight on new year's eve you're out of your fucking mind it's really crazy you gotta be out of your fucking mind you know when i was there um i saw wrong with you yeah

that's right wrong with y'all you niggas are crazy true it is true when i was in jew dork titties at the beginning of december they had the stupid thing where it's like a santa pub crawl and i saw all these idiot frat boys dressed up as santas and the girls dressed up as elves and they just go bar hopping or whatever and they're all in the middle of the fucking day how fucking stupid is that one too i mean i'd rather kill myself the way that people like the creativity that people need as an excuse to drink is always astounding it's like just have a fucking drink you could do it any day but not a part of the festival no it's a it's a 10k and you gotta drink it dude just just drink get it why don't you just get drunk like you know you're an adult and you can get hammered

any time of day all times are times you should if that's it if that's what you're thinking about you should yeah you should go to time square you should fucking live there yeah and get drunk well you think burt ever asked himself do i deserve this beard no he just drinks it all the time all day there's no excuse all day every day there's never a no there's never there's never the thought i shouldn't drink do i deserve a big mac absolutely all the time of course i can eat them whenever i want yeah of course man you got it thanks to our sponsor our great great sponsor mcdonald you have your own mcdonald no way yes okay would you rather i'm being serious yeah you it's burning man or or new year's eve in time square

which of the two okay fuck i think i i hate the heat more than the cold so i think i would have to take new years seriously i think so yeah i think i think so i'm trying to i mean i like music more than i like a fucking crystal ball dropping oh it's so boring but the idea of being with those people at the music festival really really now i know somebody who go i know a couple of people that go to these so yeah like regularly like art didn't already go ari likes those kinds of things he goes to uh uh what's the tennessee one bonnaroo another horrible nightmare my favorite is when they're like you know they have a comedy tent you can you can get booked and you go to all the shows for free and i'm like mm-hmm you could also just inject harrowing into my asshole i would never

just pass out where i'm sitting right now oh especially when you hear things like the comedy tent yeah like comedy should never be done in a tent i've done it a few times i don't like it outdoors no i don't like it intense and i don't like it on a music festival no matter of fact i don't even like it at a comedy festival i like shows and then i like to leave i hate you know my like in the part what i hate the most about a comedy festival when they go uh it's a great hang though i'm like a great hang they're like yeah you look like you can hang out with all the other comics i'm like do that every saturday at the comedy store yeah i could do that whenever i want in la and actually i can pick the ones i want to hang out with i have this phone i can text like

people i like right like oh yeah you go to the festival you can hang out with everyone right now here's a deal man here's the deal man though about your choice now new year's eve yeah it's one night with drunk idiots essentially yeah burning man it's over the stretch let's say a week at burning man yes it's hot but there's like half naked burning man yeah that's okay i thought i was talking about compared to a music that's not a music festival oh no burning man it's like dirty hippies yeah yeah and they're saying that versus it's like a bunch of computer nerds who once a year they go to burning man they do a bunch of drugs yeah and then they make floats and they ride bicycles and they're like half naked and they're like have an orgasm contest and then like nasty people eat

each other out in the dirt and so it's on a playa so the sand is very sticky and it's unhygienic and there's you know you have to use porta potties to shit and piss okay all right i think i'm decided say new york you're still gonna do do over that yeah man of course okay yeah terrible what about well hold on let me just think would you rather do burning man or you sit and wait for the rose parade and that's it's it's a week waiting for the rose parade a week because you have to do a week in either climate no get the fuck out of here it's a week at burning man or a week waiting for the rose parade i would do burning man and see how many people i could get pregnant i would just be like let's see if uh and then like i have tests at the end of the week like stupid how many of you

got pregnant like that that's easy that's easy let's do that yeah they have to wear their uggs and they have to wear their their crop tops so i'll be like you're the sluts that's how i do it okay yeah i would choose burning man you would as much as i am fundamentally you've been there like a fucking real slu to not not as a as a show i worked on i worked on a television show i filmed there i swear god i would do it the show aim here what was the show called the show is called the hitchhiker chronicles on fx it was the lead-in show to hurt burt actually before i when was friends of burt christier wow yeah and we picked up hitchhikers that was like when he was under 300 pounds when that show that's right those are his skinny his lean days um you would really take you would take

why would you take a week there i don't like the cold the cold yeah you hate the cold and i can just imagine the inane conversations i'd be having on the parade trail here's the thing i could also get really high you know on the parade trail yeah just like shut down and just you know let my eyes roll back and like wake up a couple days later like what's going on you're right like yeah what happened like well it's thursday like oh shit thursday parade's about to start yeah man you're just laying in your own piss you've been like this for days but you could do that at birdie man stay warm couldn't i get my little tent though like they do some people have yeah i do the little tent thing but you have to pack it for mcdonald's and sleeping bags

but you have to have a chair you know how they have their beach chair you know what else i would do i would have a tent and i would have like my my chair and my foot and then i would have hardcore porn playing so people would start to spread away from my tent to get a little more space no that's not what that would happen to birding man they'd be like oh that guy's just jacking off yeah but they'd be like i don't think i think they'd be like let's hang out in pasadena they'd be like call the police great this guy's jerky drop an instant i'd love to get out of here take me to jail that's my way out of this they don't tolerate that monkey business in pasadena yeah they don't they don't they don't um why don't we take a quick break you again no our guest is

gonna arrive soon so yeah and we're back after that much needed break everybody peed and now we are joined by a comedian and also a fellow degenerate i think you mean comedian a lovely and delightful comedian a lady a lady comic everybody uh glitter cheese herself it is he's a traeger everybody hello i'm so happy to be here thank you for coming thank you but when people introduce you for spots do they sometimes say um despicable or deplorable people say all weird words i can't remember degenerate yeah they know they say you're from your mom's home oh yeah and then they just go from netflix i think that's probably easier i had a guy a drunk guy in the lobby go uh he goes oh like i was walking through the lobby in san diego he goes oh and i go hey he

goes dude don't tell me like and i go okay he's like i'm drunk i go okay he goes mom's pot house that's it it's mom's pot house or we had that lady who was like oh my god i'm obsessed with you guys like i watch you every day what's the name of your show yeah yeah i want to do that you say you watch us every day yeah when people compliment you and then they're like what's your name though do you get recognized every day he does a lot just depends where you are though depends you know like um first of all sometimes she's like oh no then you realize like oh we were home all day today so okay but i think like high population areas you know if you go to once you start traveling like if we're in or it's like we're in like uh Beverly Hills like in the center of activity

there's so many people it's like being in an airport so you you know recognized more there obviously but shopping and yeah and in jude or titties that's where you live yes do people recognize you a lot from the show from the degenerates no just once in a while it's usually like a fun gal that's on par for new york though too i feel like yeah new york's not gonna be like but i was recently in san francisco with a friend and her friends came to meet us and they couldn't believe i was there and they were like you really know each other and that felt kind of fun that's it was exciting yeah it's exciting um so she was happy we have mutual friends but am i so i live in crown heights and um in the past couple months the carbon monoxide alarm has gone off three times

oh and the landlords being kind of a bitch about it won't fix in getting defensive and yelling and the plumber keeps fixing stuff but keeps going off there's poisonous gases we found out the building next door had squatters they broke into our basement and set up generators what and so those so the landlord was being not so nice but she was also like nothing is wrong with the building and i'm like you're i'm gonna complain i'm taking you to court and then i just found out that it was squatters with generators i want to understand this people squat people who don't have like a place yes we're able to get into a building yeah and hook up a generator yeah and then live in the building next door and then and they're powering it from your from the generator yes well and then

there was a gas leak upstairs so basically just almost murdering us yes for months but also speaks to the ingenuity of new yorkers yes just and i'm gonna stay in the apartment like that to me was the best case scenario that it wasn't the building's problem so i'm like gonna say what do they do now do they finally kick these people out well no the cops were just like because i was on a plane and the neighbor called me he's like guess what this is this happened and uh they said the squatters might come back to watch out they can't guarantee the squatters won't come back now here's they unhooked the generators yeah i got rid of it jesus but i had to break my door down because i was at the airport on a plane so they broke my door down got into the basement and found the generators

did you did you know in la by the way in the state of california the squatters have rights and there's like a protocol to kicking them out you can't just be like get the fuck out of my property i also this maybe not not want to ever be a landlord was learning about like how it varies state to state but you can rent to somebody and they can just be like um in certain states i'm not paying i'm you know i'm not paying you and then the process to evict them can be like three months months yeah what the fuck yeah but most landlords aren't good people really yeah maybe that's in new york yeah because my other one he wouldn't give me my deposit but like i told him the heat wasn't working and he came back with a device and like he was like i don't know it's fine i'm like i'm wearing

a coat inside like i don't know they don't right they think that people are trying to scam them yeah when it's like i'm just cold or there's just monoxide like i just don't want to die i don't want to die i'm like she kept being like the plumber said it's safe the fire department said it's fine why would it's fine and i go it's just not worth the risk i don't know and she's like just stay there and then i'm glad i didn't i went to a friend's house and then the next day was full like level the carbon monoxide levels were at 35 and they should be zero whoa and i was just sleeping there i've been sleeping with windows open all winter because i'm just so terrified of dying that's terrible you gotta move to la i can't yet well i'm not done with new york you're

not done with new york it's just too and i come here enough now when we met we met in chicago in peoria it was a peoria first peoria at the jukebox and then but then we did schaumburg together i my friend opened for you i just came to watch yes we were at the jukebox we've talked about the jukebox that's a great club yeah real there's a dirt club the dirt track yeah well what's the neatest part is that when you're doing your show the dirt track gears up and then you can hear the cars yeah i mean unless you're killing no one's really there though that's part of the club that's neat too there's no one there any punches holes in the wall yeah he's wild he's wild but i do have like these fantasies of like making it big and going back to peoria i'm being like i'm

gonna sell out for you but you want to a part of me what's that all about i don't know you all show you piece of shit no not in a bad way at all it's just like wild to see he he won't book like youtube stars because of integrity and i'm like just get him in here yeah sell the speed fill it up he's like should i have the real housewife on i'm like have her here sell tickets well it's also like don't yeah don't judge it if people like it it's entertainment who gives a shit just do it you're right yeah sorry i'm getting my space heater it's so fucking cold in here are you cold it's just me okay for right now i'll probably put my denim on it wait wait are you are you from there though no i'm from the chicago suburbs yeah that's what i thought you are skokie oh very jewy known for

nazi marches kkk marches that's nice we have a good library so it's a nice blend of jews and nazi marches yeah the nazis used to come all the time because they're the biggest population of jews outside of israel oh and then when i was in school the kkk would march and then we'd have discussions in school about freedom of speech that's lovely yeah yeah kind of super charges yes it was a diverse neighborhood it was fun so now you also mentioned that you're going to do the avn awards yes what are you gonna do that lake my ass lake my ass yeah lake it can you tell who that is is it ramon namar no okay it's really specific no who is it it was it was rocko safari oh okay you're you're familiar yeah were you like did you watch this documentary of course

yeah i did anabella dangers in it who is one of my faves yeah um but he's a weirdo yes i mean he's like creep he's a sex demon he's a demon he is a sex demon his kids are like 17 they're like dad are you gonna stop he's like yes now it's your turn to do what they're like we don't want to do for no so true yeah a lot of them have kids it's a lot that's what that's why once you have kids you start thinking about that you're like what the fuck well because i'm even nervous about our boys watching this show yeah you know in a decade or so but could you imagine doing pornography and his kids like they they're at that age they know that their dad doesn't just have sex yeah but that he is the step on girl's necks yeah put toes in their asses and just like

go to like he is the he's the sex satan basically yeah no i that's one of my pet porn pet peeves is when there's like a random foot i don't like it yeah i don't like a foot in the mouth all of a sudden someone's licking a toe like i don't that's you need to warn yeah yeah i have a few pet peeves but that's okay i've got some too what's your i don't like grundle shots what's that like from the back with the balls waving like i don't want to see man butts i agree it's nasty flopping i don't want to see that and i don't like like when it's like a giant gaping butt and i can look inside and they like eat cereal out of it yeah i don't like that wild i don't like uh yeah the gaping butts i don't like the gaping butts either i gotta tell you i'm not into it when they're

like they're like look and then because you know it starts to just feel like surgery you know it's like anatomy so medical it becomes yeah it shifts from any type of sexual thing to like like that's what it looks like in there yeah it's the same thing like i don't want to see a camera go down into the throat oh well that's my pet peeve is the choking gagging it just doesn't feel voluntary a lot to me yeah the face fucking yeah is that what that's called yeah i don't like that yeah were you always into porn no um but as a grown-up like i would say in my 20s that's why i don't think it fucked with my brain too much as a road dog just like out there because that's when you really that's when i started like really start kink.com is like my favorite yeah but i don't know is that

fetish stuff yeah so what's the what are you into my favorite channel is public disgrace what's that but my therapist has ruined everything for me but uh explaining it to you well yeah she said it's our brain takes trauma from our youth and makes it fantasy and that's like why we're into what we're into which is upsetting um but she's like no it's our brain is magical but i'm like no it's like sad that but i like when they take like a girl and there's like a dominatrix girl and then everyone kind of fucks her at a bar and like passes her around sometimes they pour beer on her that's interesting see i'm into they really like a they shame her public disgrace now i'm into i could kick a guy in the nuts and feel good about that like those videos where the guy gets kicked and

like i could do that easy piece um yeah i for a girl needs to be degraded but i can't just have men around like there needs to be a female in charge yes that makes sense to me too i don't like lesbian porn i don't do anything for me well i'm kind of newly sort of gay i had an ex-girlfriend what and i think i'm gay i dated a girl like maybe a year and a half ago for about six months i got dumped it ruined my life that's why i started therapy but i think i'm more gay than i ever anticipated so i want to find a girlfriend and because i'm new to it i've been watching and learning from you're saying you're not interested in men at all at this point not at all but i would like a wife okay but i'm not not like i find men hot sometimes oh well that's good uh i would

fuck a dude i feel like i so i can't see myself ending up with the guy do you think you're bisexual though right now i think so yeah i'm open i want to be i want to be in love i want to find a partner i want to be married that's great i've wanted that forever that's what i want it's exciting you should you should you say that i'm proud to have come out as polyamorous and now i'm excited to share that i'm bisexual no no i don't polyamory is like losers to me i don't like the word i don't like the like i don't yeah it's just like be fine you're looking for love i want love i want to be married and have like a dog but you're definitely from what i'm hearing you're you're really like dating a girl you're channeling that energy towards women yeah yeah like on the dating apps i'm all

i'm looking for only girls well i gotta tell you something but in life because here's the thing what i of course am i am a fan of yours i i say we both are tom hello i know i'm just speaking for myself but yes we're fans of yours uh nothing would make me happier than to see you happy and i want you to find the love of your life i'm nervous well there's no reason to be what i'm gonna do is are you currently single yes i'm very single i haven't had sex in a year okay okay okay i'm so glad you're here i'm gonna throw at you okay some different men who are available okay and even though you're putting out there i'm respecting the fact that you're saying women i would just like you to consider yes you may just give me your take on them okay as they you know all right display

themselves on the screen okay so let's go ahead before you have sex if you want to be horny for two or three hours like you've never been in your life and you have access to marijuana too good weed listen to me true weed alone can get you really horny or the normal but benendryl take about 10-12 benendryl before you want to have your sexual fun with your partner or whatever you do your masturbate all right yeah uh about an hour later when you feel it just kicking in smoke your weed and then go ahead and get horny and i promise you it'll be millions and times more you'll be so blissfully horny that you will not want to come trust me so is this a fan uh we hope so

we're fans and his yeah but um you know what you do would you go out to dinner huffing i do like his beard yeah but um positive outlook that guy has i don't like the snorts that he was doing yeah what i'm sorry what do you mean the snorts like he made like breathe like you know what's funny i don't like snoring we had a snorts oh i see that's what wait that's what turned off not the other the 10 to 12 benedryl and then the or the setting the way that it looked the setting is goofy uh where do you find these we're lucky we're just the best fans in the world that guy by the way um he has um some respiratory issues oh is that what it is yeah but i figured you could help him you know maybe like one of the things you would do is wheel in the oxygen every day

as part of the new relationship no i don't know i'm not good at like improv games no no no it's it's totally we just we want to find love for you what if like let's say let's say this scenario took place um you meet a guy he's like Lisa Lisa and you're like what and do i know you he's like uh nothing i just i know i i've seen you on netflix and anyways would you like to have dinner sometime and you're like i don't i don't know man i'm kind of not and then it was just me have your number and then you give him your phone he takes it he puts his number in but he calls himself so he now has your number right kind of a slick move that's what this guy did and then the next morning he just sent a video of himself to this girl who he'd met one time okay i'm thrilled

ready yes good morning julia it's me joe just wanted to say hi wish you a great day tell you that meeting you yesterday and getting a look at you was probably one of the greatest moments of my life you were so beautiful you don't know how beautiful you are to me i mean just you're gorgeous you're precious but it's been sitting in my mind when you said to me you want to go back with your ex-boyfriend please erase him from your memory don't ever go back in the past i know because i've been there and i understand when you know you're trying to find somebody and you go on dates and nothing compares to your ex but there is that better person out there and julia i promise you it is me i mean so far i love you like you've never been loved before would you

feel terrified um not to i like that he's showing off his home you do like the whole thing i like the plant no i hate the word precious a lot yeah i hate that do you like ceiling fans though he's got multiple ceiling fans no yeah a lot no i got some chic fans actually you do yeah i have some vernado vernado is that a massive brand it's a fancy fan brand really yeah i like it i did buy the dyson airblade one too but i thought it was an air conditioner and they're not they're just six hundred dollar fans oh wow i bought two yeah they're like 350 each and i thought they were air conditioners though but they're just air filtering fans so i returned them immediately oh they're yeah that's no yeah yeah someone that i had a crush on told me to buy them and i did it

and then can i ask you though would you would you respect this move of the guy no no no no no this is too much right no you know the answer though yes sending a video the next day also i hate when people are like you don't know how beautiful you are that's so rude i don't like that it is rude and the the hair on his face looks weird it looks like it's too smooth everywhere yes and then just so his mouth looks like an asshole yeah i don't like this at all well it's a little intense too right very intense it's a lot for a courting video and he doesn't know you know yes no yeah no one would agree with that this is a good move though right i don't think except for joe he thinks it's a good move he thinks a great move yeah i wonder what he does for a living it is a

nice place wow yeah i wonder do you know where he lives i do okay small town no big cities so he is making money he makes a good living yeah yeah yeah that's pretty good no this is crazy we were thinking about reaching out to him and then we were like uh probably not a good idea let that one lie yeah yeah yeah let's go let's go and i don't like gel no that's a problem yeah there's just better products out there there's pomades and creams right there's no reason to use a gel sure that's right it's it's dated at this point yeah like if you're if you're doing gel you're like um a guido yeah yeah yeah fucking guinea wop so this guy's sorry i don't want to yeah yeah okay how about this guy just see if you like this one would you give him a shot no i'm done fucking okay i've been

on here i used to do it i can't kind of been honest and sincere now i'd like to have some right on my lips i would like to have some titties around my face i would like to have some sex i'd like to have a woman in my home who i can make a love to i'm not like one of these young men or these little boys they get their cells off and then oops they don't care about their partner okay oh i'll make you come yeah but this is what my avn experience is gonna be it's gonna be me interviewing guys like this and you're gonna be like i'm just like sick of old white dudes yeah well you know the internet's ruining my life right now no they found racist tweets and they're really bad they're so bad it's really yeah i'm so embarrassed i can't believe i wrote any of those things i'm truly humiliated

how did someone why did someone dig it up how did well because i did the msnbc thing and i said i'm sick of old white guys and bernie's old and ugly like i just but it was just i was just excited to go on the show because chef tom clickio is gonna be on and he's a hero of mine my friend was at my house braiding they sent me topics i'm like yeah bernie's annoying i'll talk about him and then people love bernie so i've been uh i can't i have not gone online in a few days that's quite smart that's smart that's the tactic i think yeah they were like diaminoxide bitch but yeah the tweets are bad um i apologize but a lot of people don't believe that i'm being sincere but they're i i'm humiliated but like i was the more scared of my friends and my friends that i care about have

texted me going you're fine so that's all i really care about just like because i think every almost almost every comic has um some experience but in this in that if you've had twitter and you twitter's been around a little over 10 years yeah you might have gone from being someone in your young 20 in your early 20s yeah to your 30s it's um you know you make jokes that are just well i also feel dumb because i was told like scrub your twitter and i was like i don't think i have anything i'm like pretty good of a person and then i they're old though i said the n word in 2016 i don't know what i was thinking because i knew it was bad then but i did it yeah it's okay well there's like 15 asian tweets um and then a couple about indian men on like i don't know what i was

i can't even but i'll tell you what you know what if they just posted it going like this dumb white bitch i'd be fine with it but they're going and anyone that's black or asian that's following me they're sending them the screenshots oh jeez so i just that's kind of weird i know but i think that like the like it's kind of interesting psychology to comedians yeah is that like even if you if you hang out with comics all the time um you start to you build this thing where you go it becomes about like can you say the the thing that gets a reaction out of other comics so you start to naturally say more inflammatory things not to excuse it like yeah but like i if you hang out with comics you'll hear more racial sexist just crazier language that you don't really don't

hear and then you start to think of it as like the norm you know and then and then you get distance from it and you're like oh that was pretty reckless way to speak yeah but i mean at the time you feel like you're just you know you're being a rascal basically like you're you're saying to be provocative i mean isn't that the gig to be provocative and to push the boundaries blah but also this isn't going to make me like burning you know what i mean like i don't know what these people's kind of uh no motivation is but i had fun on the show so i have a funny question to ask you guys is it cool if i say that inward it turns me on is that one of your things that you're into no i would rather be degraded i don't want to call anyone that i can't well one person so the

tweet was about so i took accidentally my niece and nephews to see kianu and because i thought it was just a movie about a kitten and then it was so many n words strippers oh it's a key and peel movie yes and so one person tweeted like i don't even care she said the word but she took children to that movie her judgments obviously fucked we can't listen to her about politics people are just people yeah it's better not to read it you're smart yeah you're smart stay away no i'm not yeah um i gave my pastor to someone and i'm not going on it good for you don't go black it out i can't yeah they're just uh there's a lot of crazies out there let's talk about your porno pet peeps what else is that like what i hate fake noises yeah that's why i like i think the pup like the kinky

stuff because you know it's a little bit more real there's like hitachi's everywhere oh right so i like real noises and then sometimes i'm fans of porn stars that don't like turn me on but i'm just i'm obsessed with them like adrian a chechik i just like i'm obsessed with i don't know i pay i give her 12.99 a month but i don't use it to masturbate for her only fans because she's a slut on her off time and that's like the best so her only fans account it's basically her sometimes she'll suck a dick at a davin buster's i do jokes like she'll just put it on or she'll be at a music festival and she'll just suck a dick in the middle of it or um and she gets people on craigslist and they come over and then they have sex with her and then her boyfriend has sex with

she's just like wild when it's and all her best friends are porn stars so they'll have game nights and then she'll just tape them doing whatever so i like watching her on her off time yeah i don't yeah it's like it's almost like if you're watching that's uh like porn stuff and then you see a behind the scenes the behind the scenes seems like it's um i don't know a little more exciting because like yes they're not performing you know yeah it's like a little more and then my favorite girls they are lesbian married couple but they'll get another girl and they'll be in a hotel room and one will tape and the others have sex and i kind of yeah i like it grounded but not amateur i'm one of professional yeah i hate they don't know the angles and stuff like i don't want to

watch amateur right and you learn this over years of right like you said in your 20s or early 20s yeah i got more into it in the past few years i would say yeah i'm lonely yeah um and i'm into it but i also watch the interviews before and after and i watch there's like a series called ask a porn star so i get to i like to know yeah about their fascinating world well you seem like a lot of work would you ever do one it sounds like you're very interested in i would i would never uh i would never but i like in my private life i like it so i am terrified at any moment that someone will release something what's going on well your foot is on this cord so many wires and crap okay um i don't mind the coat oh no i want to yeah i don't think i'd do porn but i like

sending dirty shit and i like getting it well there you go that's what guys do all day long you know right well i i think i do a joke about this but i told someone to send me a dirty video once and he sent me videos of him fucking someone else and like coming on someone else but i felt bad because i don't know if she knew so i watched it like twice and then deleted him oh really yeah look at you i had to delete it how long was the video not long at all like 30 seconds each or something does the girl know she's being recorded in it yeah yeah for sure because each one we had sex he tried to do stuff and i was like i don't trust you and now i'm glad i didn't send him i'm fascinated by um the uh the change in your dating

guys yeah how do you discover it how do you find out basically i was in australia i was in melbourne for the comedy festival and me and this girl it's so good i want to go back so bad it's fun there um but uh we had a mutual we have a mutual best friend so i knew i'd hang out with her and then we were at an uh an art museum and i just looked over and i was like oh my god i'm fucking in love with her and then i was like nervous but then i finally told her that i liked her and then you started and then we made out oh okay and then we hooked up and then um i had to go to sydney and she had to stay but we immediately started texting i'm a creep so day two i was like can i buy tickets and see you and so we met up and then we just like would fly around and see each

other wow and then we would like you know text is she a comment too yeah wow yeah was she uh uh native no she's london she's in the new netflix things that came out oh shit yeah put her out there yeah she knows no i talk about everything she actually asked me she's like can you please stop talking about me oh and she's like can you stop calling me a compulsive liar on podcasts i'm like i'll try but it's hard so you guys are officially dating right now no no i got doms broke my heart was broken i was depressed for about six months and then last year i started therapy and that's helped me oh that's right a lot because i was really truly sad that's yeah i really loved her but now i'm like remove you know it's fine yeah but we text sometimes what's your therapist saying about this

like well that a lot of my i think it was the first time i felt fully like loved and gave like i don't know i just it was a really good relationship uh while it lasted but she said most of my issues and why i can't let it go is because of other stuff that i'd never explored and that she kind of gave me everything i've ever wanted so wow it's like more than that interesting yeah i never felt seen before yeah i think a lot of comedians have that issue yeah seen heard acknowledged all that stuff yeah all of that i mean i would have married her but now i'm glad we're not together wow you were really really in love with her oh yeah i would have yeah absolutely and so because i would have been fine being long distance and everything but she couldn't do it up until you meet her at the

festival mm-hmm you is it occurring to you that you might like i've had a two i've had one group thing and i hooked up with a girl and i was like 21 in portland okay and then that was it where it always yes and yeah i was staying at an anarchy speaking co-op man i got stories oh see my yeah scott's dale is my arizona time but um no i didn't know at all but i thought i liked having sex i just enjoyed having sex with her more than i've had with any dude that's great yeah now you know i think so isn't that great though to know yeah no i'm just embarrassed because i'm so old you know you're not i should have known i'm gonna say you're very young i think that's we're not knowing you're kind of gay i don't know yeah i feel so ignorant because my friends are like so gay i don't

know it seems weird i didn't know but now everyone's like oh now you like everyone will be easier for you the pool's widened but i think it's like so specific now yeah i want like a short haired girl dress is kind of like a boy oh well unfortunately what are you gonna show i want to show you something cool okay okay this is a guy who uh like let's say you you said hey will you send me oh but i do want to tell you that she looks like all the boys i had crushes on as a young girl really that she looks like a boy bander like she looks like nick carter like leonard de capri see that confusion okay that always that's the part i don't understand about lesbianism yeah okay so you like a woman but then she looks like a the boy that you did so like it's wild right so like what

so confused it's fluid jesus but she also fucks boys too we're all just yeah we're all just kind of what's your pronoun wishy washy do you have a pronoun that's what i always say this sounds about but it's like i don't know if i can date a they that seems so complicated like i wonder if they have a sense of humor they know but uh what's your pronoun um all right so here's a cool guy and um is this gonna get graphic no it's gonna be it's super chill so just let me know like what you think of him of like his whole appeal his style just like just check him out for a second hi there guys it's pete again and i'm here to do a little video i wanted to use this but vibrating toy that i bought this new one and i thought i'd try that in and then i also wanted

to try this double-ended um fuck's sake that he's like massive bullets in him i haven't used it of course and then i went to look and they didn't send any batteries so i'm not gonna be able to use the vibrating part but but by vibrates so i'm sure that's gonna get me off yeah um and it's gonna it's got this cool uh built-in cock ring oh and then i got this cool i a friend of mine had one wait hold on hold on so cool i love him he's my favorite of the group isn't he great he's good i like this guy you like he's got great energy great energy i like that he is uh fun about the toys yes he's so excited yes and i like that he went bad bad because of the batteries yeah he's a fun guy man you and i are different you like one of the other guys better than this you like uh

benadryl yeah and oldy i would take benadryl or joe over this guy this guy's amazing you would take benadryl benadryl benadryl is severely severely unstable i know but that's why he won't harass you much he'll pass out what are you talking about pretty gay you know yeah yeah okay this guy's definitely gonna fuck you though benadryl guy's gonna pass out before anything benadryl guy's gonna chop you up and put you in a box he'll be asleep before then no this guy's a maniac but at least you know the benadryl guy would get caught he would not get away with murder he would not get away he would get caught but you'd be definitely dead yeah yeah yeah so well keep watching then i'm fucks it with his boyfriend and it's a double-ended dude so i really want to try this

because i like fucking stuff but first i'm gonna try and get this in my butt and then this is the best part and it's even got this cool little oh that is cool control and let's just see what happens okay it's got a nice texture to it yeah i think it'll be easy to go in he doesn't like this part i love him yeah well i don't like the foot yeah there you go yeah it's got a nice built-in cap ring which i thought was kind of cool that is kind of cool i just like that he's supporting his local porn store he totally is yeah and he's and he's also you know it's like one of those review videos and people are like yeah hey have you seen the new bmw3 series uh here's all the features you know he's like one of those guys i love him yeah do we have more uh they're definitely more

sit with me take me a minute oh to get her in i haven't had anything in my butt since my last uh butt toy video someone's got to do it yeah yeah someone's gonna test these toys it's the side eye too like he's really focused she put on a hoodie because she's so upset with this guy he's just so open with his sexuality that's what he's not including anyone else in his you know he's not like come on to my dungeon right i'm gonna make you feel good he's just like i'm gonna have fun by myself and you're gonna be going to you said avian's yeah is that soon yeah i'm going on the 20 i'll be there the 23rd through the 27th and then cardy b's performing at the awards this year okay but cardy cardy so i

love her do you my favorite thing is watching her eat shellfish it's so good yeah she goes these are some good-ass veneers i started doing that shit on instagram dude it's like look at all this meat like she's just love her i love her she's so fun she's fine yeah she's like tapping on crab shells i just i really like her i'm really excited what are you gonna be doing at avian so people know so i'll be at the brazzers booth um and then i'll be at the red carpet at the award show and then i'm just gonna be a fan in a glitter dress watching the awards wow and cheering for me like i vote for them like i vote for all the fan awards yeah i treat it like i treat any other business i think that's what's like fucked is people don't respect these girls that are just

working yeah no i agree we agree that's why we celebrate the porno industry here because someone was telling me riley reid has over a billion streams a billion a billion which is like if she was a musician or a comment or anything it's like yeah she was on youtube she would make so much money and she's not it is a performance art thing too you know these are performers yeah and people like dick hello hello yeah um what are your guys's categories i'm so vanilla i tell you what's not my categories it's weird because when you have a baby and you blow out your veg like i've done that twice now it's really hard for me to watch porn like right after you have a baby because you're so medical like your body is still kind of yeah so like i hate milk stuff too

i'm like oh like that makes me cringe i'm trying to think i'm i'm just i'm kind of boring sorry regular regular one two people two straight people or a few yeah that's fun suddenly so shy but i'm so i'm so but because i'm in so mom mode like i'm only like almost six months postpartum so i'm not like super sexual yet you know i mean your your body still kind of kind of that always weird oh there's is a trend that i found that uh when she has a favorite squeeze um their breast milk on people i hate that i love i hate that too no i'm not into that i'm really i don't like it i don't like that black cocks really do matter what i do like i do like the nba is what it's homeless yeah yeah we i took her to a basketball game oh yeah oh this is

really cool i would love to come back to watch these guys play basketball and like and then i dreamt that wait why are you being what's who's sarcastic do you hate it no i loved it and then that night i dreamt that tom had a big black dong that he was everything else was his color normal color and yeah yeah black well everything else was my normal color in size and then she was like but you had this big black cock right after the laker game i mean come on i bought season tickets you did yes cool what's your genre i don't even know anymore i just like to see a girl get dogged out you know just like ragged around with like a lot of dudes yeah yeah i watched i like no i mean i am pretty like i can watch you know how when you go to the tube sites

there's like a home page yes i mean let's say there's 20 videos 13 of them work for me oh see i have to i'm like i have my favorite set up like i have to like figure out what i'm perfectly in the mood for i mean i'll tell you what i saw last very indiscriminate really i i saw like i'm kind of boring though there was like some bj video then there was like nope stepmom i'm not into anything hey oh me and your sister are gonna teach you how to fuck one of those was on hate that but it makes sense with what my therapist said about the trauma and turning it pleasurable like there's a reason all this incest born is so in so in you think it's just trauma it's like in the middle yeah i think it's like a lot of people turning their creepy lives into

i also love little dicks it's humiliating i really don't like it i don't like it either i hate watching for sure for sure no but whenever you see a little dick like with the glory whole ones it's like i don't know i want to see that i hate seeing an average size dick in a porn i'm serious i really i'd for me i'm like come on man like but give us some fucking equipment to work with right i want to see something impressive i also actually like when the girl goes like jeez like yeah i can fit all this and they're like we're gonna make it fit you know yeah i like it too yeah i don't i i can't get off on really on lesbian porn i have to even with a strap on no even i put my toy in and everything because that that feels extra fake to me lesbian

porn it really feels like their actual gay girl yeah so my favorite's nicky hearts and her wife's hot and they're tatted up and they're gay and i like it i like the tatted up girls yeah i like belladonna she's neat she puts baseball bats in her butt she's a veteran she's retired yeah but an icon yeah i like her i like her look she's nice is she yeah i met her once yeah i guess what they talked about so um is there another cool guy or okay oh my god please no more about the quiet area no no please so listen um we have this game okay um and we like to play it i want to set it up correctly for you do either of you watch bravo a ton okay this is like so much like andy's clubhouse really yeah with all the fun stuff yeah oh you gotta keep adding show we watch a million dollar

fisting okay uh what's his name jeff lewis although that show just got canceled which we're in love with jeff lewis i'm so bum i don't like the housewife shit though i don't watch oh see i like the vanderpump you guys would love vanderpump yeah i eat at a restaurant every now and then my shrink used to be right by there i love vanderpump they are such trash bags yeah oh what is this tom what are you doing oh yeah you know the scene in requiem for a dream and everyone's like it's so sad like that is that turns me on okay i love that oh okay okay like that end scene reverence like it's so sad like sometimes i'll pull it up oh wow yeah our traumatized yeah i don't have my intro for it but i do have so this is what we do is we play um these videos

and we call this segment horrible or hilarious and we just basically want you to watch it and tell us whether you think it's horrible or really funny okay okay i'm scared yeah that's it it's a wrestling video for people listening you want to taste the tuna two girls you want to taste the tuna she says all right well i thought it was just gonna be like a pussy juice hand yeah and i yeah well you gotta explain the audience what happened for the listening audience is that she pulled a uh a tampon out that was very dark in appearance wiping me out yeah what league what wrestling league is this in oh that's a wwe no i know i don't know i don't know but those sounded like real fans of wrestling

they did sound like it um it looked like do you think it was a fake tamp though yes yes i hope so i hope so i think so but again great performance you know great for the fans great for us yeah i don't know i was upset i think you were upset did we not explain what we didn't explain it very well this woman with two female wrestlers one pulled out a bloody tampon and put it in the other woman's mouth and said taste the tuna now see we laugh about it but to be to be fair uh when we were actually watching it christina was like this and you were like this i don't think i laughed i definitely didn't laugh i didn't think you thought it was hilarious no did you no no i don't think it was hilarious but as long as it's fake i'm okay with that okay i just don't want it to be a real tamp

well i thought it was going to be the fish finger too had you ever watched the osborns um Sharon Osborn would give the fish finger to her daughter really which was really funny what yeah she did it in the episode of the osborn well she did ten years ago i'm going to give you the fish finger and then she put her hand down her cooch on her pants and then rub it on the upper lip of her daughter i'm giving you a fish finger it's cute i thought it was funny motherly love i didn't think so oh okay um i have another one for you there okay i am liking the vibe of this okay yeah me too go ahead oh the claws still on it

are you laughing i'm not laughing my husband's laughing why didn't he try to take the claw off though he just kept enjoying i don't know i just don't get why he didn't try to save himself yeah i don't know he really flipped out though i think it was in the pain it looked it looked scared yeah i'm not into that i'm not interested i liked that that was pretty funny okay you um but it's it was real right it wasn't acting yeah i yeah i mean i didn't laugh so i guess it wasn't funny but no i'm sorry it's okay i get it oh fuck um i want to you know what's next or do we talk i know i'm scared we're just you know it's terrible it's you're not supposed to

laugh at that i think it was i want to laugh at something mental illness don't don't laugh at that that wasn't mental illness he just had a crab on his dick your mental illness oh i'm laughing that's fair this hurts people are hurting yeah i don't like watching fights in movies like if there's a fist fight i turn away really in a movie even yeah like in the movie kids i don't know if you remember that like that to me was like too much i don't like physical fights or world stars stuff like that like people actually getting hurt i don't like that i don't like when someone's head bounces off of cement or something like that that doesn't do it yeah if i'm out and about and i see a fight i i get really like scared and upset yeah for sure yeah i'll call

the cops can i ask you what do you have any opinion i know you're from the chicago area yes did you ever know anyone or or maybe you yourself became a fan of garth brooks no but i know garth brooks fans is and how do you know them um they're everywhere i mean he is very popular very popular he's really popular are you a little astounded by it by the level of notoriety and fame yes it's pretty significant maybe if we saw him live we would understand i've heard that argument a lot i tried i mean i watched the concert on cbs and like it's just hokey he's kind of a corny dad boner like at one point he was doing like the heart hand like i love you i was like no um i they're cooler than just playing country but i saw the dixie chicks a

couple years ago and they were great they were great i got too hammered but i cried so much and i just loved them you know some people ended up buying a bandana did you really dixie chicks bandana there's some people who think that you know garth may have bodies hidden on his ranch and that he pretends to be human and that it's all just a big act um this is footage from his most recent cbs concert you were talking about yeah this is the one i watched where he's uh pretending to be human go ahead and um hey everybody garth brooks here in iconic noterdame locker room this is where the players go out to take the field every saturday this is where all our players are getting ready to take the field for this concert so tonight the fighting irish

they're gonna become the singing irish this is gonna be good that was like real just dad bonery yeah manufactured yeah i just feel like when you're famous for that long you become semi just mentally fucked yes i don't think you can stay normal being famous for decades especially that famous yeah it's just impossible that's why they all are nuts i can't because everyone is fake to you everybody no one is real everyone wants something from you or treats you too nice and no one tells you you're wrong and i and you can't go anywhere and i think it just makes you absolutely insane i think you're right i think you're totally right and i think you know maybe he's handling it well as compared to like a michael jackson yeah clearly it it just fucked

yeah or like when people act mad about everything madonna does it's like yes she's been famous since the 80s it's bound to make you not a real person yeah yeah yeah she's always posting do you follow her on the gram yeah well no i i'm addicted to instagram so i just recently unfollowed like thousands and thousands of people oh no it has to be only people like so i don't know i just can't so now it's like you're all caught up and i have nothing to look at but then i just go to the explore page i mean i just love instagram i love it too i'm fascinated but i follow her and she's adopted about i don't know 12 african children at this point and the only thing she plays is of them singing and dancing like she makes them sing and dance constantly it's like this looks terrible

like having madonna as your adopted mom like you think it's fun it's just terrible no come on dance let's see what else he's got what are you i don't know just guys we're at Notre Dame don't miss it only cbs legendary coach lou hopes had this sign put up it's now probably one of the most famous signs in football history play like a cbs quality video i love that well they ripped it you know oh okay so yeah you're right it's it looks like a high school it's super compressed yeah yeah yeah now lou holt's you hope yeah that's the guy that's the sign yeah and he was on one of those horrible football shows you watched where he would be at the round table telling the bad dad i'm like this mush mouth is on television yeah great and they're paying like millions millions

meanwhile they can't let a woman over 60 be on television yeah it's true yeah yeah she's always pointing out something i never noticed before but i'm like oh you're totally right is like a guy can be a fucking dog a fucking basset hound yeah and he gets prime time television spots but like that a woman they'd be like get out of here with that fucking face like no way you could also be a super hot woman and they'll still tell you that you're disgusting yeah that's true that's true i haven't thought about that part that's true you can be on your a game i mean people call rihanna fat you know it's just like insanity she's perfect she is perfect yeah her and milie are like my oh milie's hottest for me yeah milie and rihanna your celeb crush

your celeb crush yeah would you go gay for rihanna and michael b jordan i think so i think anybody would go gay for rihanna you'd have to she's so pretty it's very pretty and she's wild i heard she made leonardo de caprio lose weight before she fucked him what i heard she's like you're fat and got him a trainer and he had to lose weight to fuck her who knows if it's real i don't know but i want it to be real that's straight savagery man i love it hey what's up she's like uh uh not with that waistline oh she's so cool would you eat the booty though i eat her butt no i wouldn't eat anybody i don't want to eat but and i'm not interested i'm not interested in any butt play i'm not interested in any butt play so you guys in kindergarten i think well my prediction is eating

ass is slowly on the decline and pissing is going to go up in popularity tell us about it i just think water sports are going to be more in i think people are going to be more confident to talk about their pee fetishes i really think pee will be in huh this is just on a limb this is coming from no actual sources but i think because squirting's been so in recently that i think it's just like such a stopover to the now what do you think of those people that say that squirting is actually peeing some of it is yeah i believe squirt is piss i don't think it's i don't think it's a hundred percent piss but i think it's maybe 40 percent what would be what would be fluid be if it's not all piss i don't know i'm not sure magic magic it's magic it is magic i don't know what it is but i

know the girls in porn drink pedialyte and gatorade frost and they're peeing really and they're hydrating and pissing it's not fully squirt but um yeah because it's not yellow right no it's not yellow so it can't be all pee they're well hydrated though they are they're hydrating but asked to me is i don't want it i don't want it and tom's been trying to get me to lick a scrum for a decade and it's just not gonna happen would you would you let someone else lick his butt i mean no we're married i can't we're not open even if you were in the room no i wouldn't be comfortable with that like a nice oh maybe you can just get a fake uh tongue you're rich and i want someone to i want i want to feel the spread you know you wouldn't let someone

do that no baby why no would you let someone like my scrum if i wasn't willing to do it uh oh now you're opening up a whole thing how's that opening up a whole thing if there's stuff you won't do your someone else can do it right the the premise of this is that you don't want to do it i understand so she's saying would you hide would you let someone else do it no and then you're like would you let someone do it to me but i'm i'm willing to do it see that's the difference right but if we find something that you won't do am i allowed to have someone okay such as staple my tits of the desk we've been talking about that for yeah but you don't really want that i'll pay problem is you're too open yeah you're too willing i'm too willing you just have to get that

toy that's like a a spinny thing of tongues and then it'll just there you go and she can spread your butt cheeks see and you'll hold the tongue machine i like that idea or even if terry if you got him to come over with his toys that's right we got terry yeah he could help me put the plug in can i can you help me out you know i put your foot up on the table like lisa likes oh yeah for my step there i can look to the thing is a double headed so we could both like terry and i could look at each other i hope yeah i also hate when the girls are like doing the when they're on the floor but then their legs are fully oh it's just and so the guy's standing on top oh the pile driver yeah i don't like oh man i hear our wedding bells whenever i see those shots i love that shot

i want to see photos from your wedding oh it's really nice we were just looking at him last night yeah yeah i'm gonna be a bridesmaid for like i was a bridesmaid in my sister's wedding at like age 12 but my one of my best friends asked me this week and i'm doing the speech at the wedding yeah i'm excited are you gonna tell the wedding crowd you're going to the avn's from there they all know how they do they know the wedding's in december really this is like my best friend her mom knows me they all know that's cool they all know i like porn good but i also i think the reason it's damaging to dudes is they don't realize it's like a job and the girls are acting and doing stuff and then they take the moves home with them and it fucks with their brains and what sex is

supposed to be like but i think i'm aware enough that it hopefully you realize my brain it's entertainment yeah and it's to turn you on i just hope i i hope it doesn't mess me up yeah in my brain but oh is that your concern with watching porn yeah how much are you watching i actually haven't watched since i've been here so like for a week yeah i guess i'm okay right now yeah but at home i'll just be like i'll be late to stuff for sure yeah like i should get in the shower and i'm like why should i should watch porn before i get in the shower right remember one time i was i was late to the sclar brothers one time i was watching porn great so was there in any situation because i don't i'm not interested in ass ever and people always tell me what if

someone showers completely and you see that and i'm like i still don't want to tell you why i mean real talk i i love taking shits i love i like browning and i to me it's not sexual and i don't want a dick or a finger anything in there yeah it's not hygienic man there's poo poo in there yeah poo poo comes out smells bad i just want a couple nice lips a couple mouths back there just eating up some lunch have you always wanted this no yes of course never it's never gonna be my scrum master no he's his butthole's harry he's harry you'd have to get it waxed yeah he's nasty you know it's all hot back there even touched a guy's butthole yeah my ex one of my yeah i have i've been in there yeah so it's not it's not nice it's like hot and steamy and harry well because

then you don't want to do anything else with your hand of course and you have to like you're just thinking about it i remember one time too much i got a surprise digit in there you know from a real slut and then i returned the favor and there was a lot of chocolate on my no yes yes what was this with oh a long time your african slut no what god well that's what uh yeah the porn stars i watch this interview thing and it's like what's your most embarrassing moment on set and they've all shat and someone like everyone i believe they're like that's where like if you're gonna play yeah you're gonna you're gonna encounter it yeah and then the other crazy thing if they work on their periods they put makeup sponges in their pussy and then sometimes they forget about it and that's

the other gross thing that people talk about it's like you'll just get a girl that's on set and they smell so bad and it's because they forgot their makeup sponge up there makeup's get away from us i was what i just put like sponge like there's an actual menstrual sponge you can put up there or it's a form of birth control i forget well i bought a cup yeah it was very difficult it did not work for me i can't imagine that being it wasn't that good too much work it was it was a problem for sure but that's the thing with also being with a girl know the period that no one's really that grossed out which is helpful wait but then when you're both on your ladies i wouldn't we were we that never happened well but you don't you go downstairs you go downtown when she's on

um i didn't but she there was just like blood all over our hands but no one really cared it was kind of an invigorating i don't know i liked it i am so square apparently i'm the man well but you're getting it in more often like i'm pretty sexual i guess in a creep but i don't i i not enough people want to have sex with me so it's a problem no i'm telling you like i haven't had sex in a year i fucked this weird couple in scottsdale exactly a year ago in scottsdale that's what i said i said we were just talking about arizona is so weird for that kind of stuff swingers yeah well yeah they don't do anything it's hot they have nowhere to go and then the houses are cheap so they have enough room yeah to do what they want and you so you had sex with a

married couple or just how did that how did that start tender well because i didn't know if i was gay or not what i was going to do and i hadn't i was like i hadn't hooked up since i got dumped so i was like i'll fuck a couple and so i found them on tinder and there was a hotter couple that i met but i didn't pursue a couple on tinder or you're just looking for one person well usually if you if you look for girls on dating apps it's there's so many couples to the point where lesbians were like not interested in threesomes i don't want to fuck your boyfriend so a lot of couples will go on as just the girl wow yeah and they had tattoos and stuff so i chose them i feel like phoenix is the city where over the last 10 years has to be four or five times where people like a couple have

been like do you want to hang out tonight and i'm like don't want to hang out tonight and they're like do you want to hang out phoenix always i feel like it's in the water there yeah there's a lot of partiers out there it attracts a certain party girl or party guy yeah yeah yeah they always shows and scott stale guy came up to me after my sentence that just so you know she squirts all over me all the time okay thanks yeah it's cool cool yeah no there i felt more connected with this couple but then it wasn't a good thing they had like neon blue lights around the bed oh god it was bad that's terrible but i stayed and i he was racist i think so that's right up your alley yeah yeah it was perfect no he was gross she was pretty fun so that yeah i just have to find a girlfriend

i'm sure there are people that will like fuck me but like i want you know i want to like the person of course of course but um how was he gross he was just nasty looking dude he just it was more about him he kept trying to be bossy and it wasn't about everyone's he was just like too uh me me me and it bothered me and it seemed like she was trying to like please him versus herself i just didn't like the dynamics of and then in the morning not in the morning i didn't stay overnight but afterwards i was waiting for my car and he told his wife he goes hey don't forget to ice your pussy so it doesn't hurt in the morning oh which mean like a which meant that he said that regular yeah yeah don't forget i would tell you the pussy's all sore yes it's like they're just

fucking for pay i don't know it just was weird i i mean i gotta tell you if you're in a married relationship and you have family and a mortgage and all that it just seems crazy doesn't it seem crazy to you it was normal to me to be like yeah let's just meet this strange nice lady on an app and then have her over and they party man it's a crazy lifestyle it's a party well and it was funny they were telling me how all of his family like hates her and the whole time i was like yeah i get what's happening here i don't know was there a big horse or the black sheep of the family was there an age gap between them you know no but she was from iowa she was just not wait was that you seem very like you're like that's why i did did did you have three sums before i

had one for some of my life um before that and they were in the front row at carolines what yeah just from the show they took me they basically after the set we talked and then wait what's the layout after the set there's two guys it was two guys and a girl okay and um i've been telling this story for so long i'm so boring like i need a new sex story but um i thought the guy was hot and so i waited for them and then we chit chatted and then after i had a drink they were like listen we're actually not a couple we're all here to fuck each other we have a hotel room there's coke molly we'd love for you to come wow and i said absolutely good for you and do you do you have to do the drugs i don't like cocaine but i did molly yeah but i love molly and then

was it a crazy experience was it was awesome it was like all my dreams came true it really was like a fantasy fulfilled it was fun yeah i liked it and they were they were good people they had like a drawer full of toy you know they were like prepared this is their hobby and it's something like that how long do you stay you know i mean like oh i went straight to my babysitting job in the morning from yeah i'm glad you guys have a gnarly did you shower before no and i didn't think i was gonna have a wild night so i didn't even have my phone charger or anything and i just showed up in black healed boots and like a black dress with lace sleeves at 8 15 in the morning to the upper east side were they cool no the mom knew something was wrong today the new the mom knew

but i was a backup nanny so i worked for an agency for years so i just showed up and did like last minute care did she send you home she know she went to work i mean it is wild that people people just i wouldn't maybe they trust the agency but the amount of even tiny babies i would show up and they'd be like notes are on the table bye and i'm like all right it is weird i mean i was very good at my job and i care about children but it it is really crazy that they just trusted a 20-something girl i would usually show up in sweatpants and they would just leave me with their three months old for days that's crazy yeah i don't know i'm not down with that shit at all no it's weird who watches your kid you have your nanny but then do your parents or something or you have a baby

sit or you trust we have no parents involved just just like yeah a couple people that we trust okay like our lady's been with us since ellis was four months old he's three now he's three now like we yeah we're very no way i do no fucking way no it was weird because i would come from partying all the time i can't believe i've babysat probably over a hundred families wow and um wait but back to this person oh yeah i gotta ask you because i always wonder because i'm so uptight like i mean i'd be wouldn't you like so be in your head like oh i'm so fat like i'm fatter than anybody here and like well yeah i wasn't shaved or i wasn't planning for a wild night yeah so you're you're no they were well we were on molly so i just feel like you kind of feel great but they also were

because we would take breaks or chill or two people we would watch it was like an all night kind of extravaganza so while we like chatted they were like really impressed like we can't believe it's your first time you're really in it i'm like thank you these guys were like pros yeah they were in town like his the other one's wife was coming and they were all going to go to some sex party like this is their hobby this is because people always ask like were their condoms i'm like yes this is what they do yeah they're not pros they're not gonna fuck with and where they all here's a thing though a lot of times you watch these shows like real sex and stuff yeah or like you know these documentaries like series like that and like there's some real dogs doing this yeah are they

attracted one of the guy was not hot but the other guy was really hot um and the girl was really cute but they neither of their dicks were like giant or anything right but they had tons of dildos right so you're like they didn't care yeah more than enough that's nice it was wild but yeah maybe the dude i yeah real sex was weird for sure yeah because that's how i got my sex education was real sex and howard stern at midnight after s and al had put it on right and i remember that real sex show you're right it was always like we're into group masturbation and it was like the most unattractive people in the world that you would never want to be naked and so many glass dildo episodes yeah there was always making glass dildos at factories and so many ponytails like how

many fucking ponytails we're gonna see in these guys my friend just recently got a new ponytail and he's like i think people are treating me different i'm like they sure are they sure are i'm like you're basically like hey dude he's like it's not fair i'm like no but you can cut it off yeah it's yeah people are not gonna be nice to you know what's happening you're disheveled you're unlikable and you're pushy yeah you tell me i was just trying to make a point about how people talk about women yes yeah i just i don't know i thought you were great on that i had so much fun but i think people are people are like you don't know about politics i'm like whether do you we don't know shit it's whatever like anybody who comments on anything there's gonna be people

that say that on you know i mean like you could say that about football you could say it about uh hunting you can say it about politics like if you make a comment yeah and it's on a popular platform i guess that's what it is too where i've never usually no one cares what i say so i guess i was shocked that people watch you're getting the experience of a lot of people you know paying attention to it that's what it is yeah yeah but the best thing to do is to do what you did and not engage on ignore but at first it was like all these fun gifts and i was like this is fun and i love the news i don't know i doubt it's new but i like when people say like i see no lies i like that i got a lot of those yeah yeah well i think we are in the era of um you know nobody

you don't have to be an expert in anything anymore to just have an opinion which is kind of great and kind of not great simultaneously you know because you don't get the if you do make a comment and you're not an expert people shit on you however because of the internet it's like the democratization of information and everybody can read anything and figure shit out and i don't think we're actually reading anything i think for me it's just headlines twitter and what my friends tell me that's how most people are reacting yeah that's why when people are like you don't have a grasp of modern politics i'm like i'm sure you're right but i don't think you have more than me right i just don't buy that they're smarter than me and your comedian your job is to be funny and entertaining and you

did that yeah they're just evil i don't know what their goal is go to work like i just don't understand what you're doing you're tagging every single black person that follows me yeah it's like insane got a lot of time dude that's so crazy misdirection and i wonder if they all know each other no and they're like if you're this progressive person that loves bernie why are you shutting people down dude it's it's not indicative of like like social media isn't even reality you know yeah really you can get lost in it that's the danger you can get lost in it and you can start to think that this is the world and then you realize if you do what you did like jump off for a couple days you realize like that's not the world yeah i was i was going down some crazy rabbit hole that i can get so

involved in that i think it's everything and it's it's not a really a reflection of the real world no so not at all um it's been weird to be off my phone yeah it's probably healthy though for you you know i was listening to this i think it was actually dr drew's podcast about habits anyway this person was saying when they could write and they were sitting down to write they would leave their phone in another room in the house and that way they weren't tempted to compulsively look at the phone because it's a compulsion at this point most yeah i read that it's like um it's having a slot machine in your pocket right because not every time you get dopamine but you know it's coming soon with any like or message or text yeah so you just keep checking it for the hope that

someone's giving you attention right i know i wish i can get a landline and just have an answering machine and live that life i want to go back you can't so bad yeah we'll see i don't know i'm really because when i i have been leaving my phone at home if i just i'm leaving the house for a few hours but the whole time i'm like i'm reaching for it constantly or i'm about to oh i should message this person oh i should take a photo oh i should you know insta story that it is weird even without it i'm just thinking about it all the time you know uh arisha fear is like big on that yes he has a flip phone he has a flip phone which is totally psychotic but he's always encouraging us um to like take social media off our phones and all that stuff and you know sometimes i he'll hit me

with the right message on the right day about it and i'll i'll just like not look that day and i do feel better yeah you get more done i mean that's what i was reading too it's like our memories and experiences are going to be looking at our phone because we're it's hard for our brains to multitask so all the new experiences that we're having in our brains remembering is phone-related like we're not creating new memories with the world around us right it's wild yeah but we're addicted we're totally addicted but i bought a planner and an alarm clock but i keep just on my phone i can't i don't know whatever no it's dwindling down let me ask you uh road stuff you have anything coming up um i'm going to be in vancouver for jfl fantastic city one of my

favorite cities i don't know where i'm going to be honestly i'm glitter cheese you are glitter you can go on the internet follow you um where am i i don't know where i'm going to be well i know you're going to be at the fort worth texas i think in march okay and that's it and she'll be at the brazzers booth yeah at the avs brazzers booth i bought a really slutty outfit i'm excited oh yeah off the internet do you shop on asos no i love it i've seen it yeah no i don't it's so good okay we have to do this quick update um so as you know the studio is still under construction there's still soundproofing um we actually had to shut down soundproofing because other businesses in this business park were like what the fuck is going on over there because it was so loud and that

has delayed a couple things right so what what's up with the other shows coming to the to our channel so right now the tentative schedule is for the other shows to be starting around february okay that's like february first week of february yeah first week second week of february we'll start staggering them out so you know we'll start off with either dr jew's show sickler santino okay um and also santino since he's recording in his other studio we'll start posting some of those videos that he's recording in a different location till he starts here okay so we'll put like his videos on our channel yes okay great coming in february um you guys are such a cool married couple no thanks yeah you're really doing it yeah i love her are you guys gonna write a book or what i don't know

we're made babies advice yeah we made two children already yeah advice i don't know for oh no good advice i don't know well it seems like you're happy and honest with each other i don't know i think this podcast is our our gift to the world right yeah kind of yeah it's just us being total totally like ourselves i can kind of tell you what is the best actually advice or whatever as a married couple is find something you enjoy doing together like this is kind of what he and i do together that we did before we had children so kind of reminds us of a time of total silliness total lack of responsibility we were just two dickhead comedians who started to show so yeah if you find something you enjoy doing outside of like children and career whatever if

you can't i mean even though this is our job but yeah that helps that's huge like a hobby together something you can do together uh any tennis what else you guys do do you guys do date nights yes we have date night uh this week thursday yeah yes you start to schedule it more when you have babies yeah you're like we will have dinner on thursday no having babies seems insane it's yeah having more than one baby's insane dude i just remembered something what i was like you got any date we're doing some gigs together yeah i'm opening for you in boston oh well there you go i'm so excited yeah she's super funny when's that so people know um those boston shows i think is it april or may one of the april or may we're actually that's exciting so go see li's open for uh

tommy buns chowder yes we are doing i'm telling i'll tell you right now it's uh it's april you're right we're actually starting in bethlehem pa oh cool the sans casino and then we're doing medford which is just outside of boston like 15 minutes then we do proper boston and then we go back to medford whoa so we're going back and forth um but we're going to end up doing one two three four five whoa and see that's going to be fun oh that's so wild well see her see li's a trigger on uh the degenerates what number are you on that one i forget number four four go check her out she's number four number six did you guys already talk about how the door almost fell on you yeah countless times what a nightmare what a fucking shit show i can't believe it how much how many weeks

or days later did you give birth oh uh about six weeks later okay so yeah that was like the last thing i did and i just sat in my pool for the rest of summer i have a special kind of brag thing i know you're trying to end this but um i i have friends here and i was with them the day she found out she was pregnant with her second baby and then wildly i was in town and i was going to her house and i was there the day her water broke so the day yeah and so i felt really special and cool and i met the baby yesterday or two days ago how she don't go go um she's good i don't know it's her it was an unplanned thing so their babies one and a half and now they have a two month old so it's really in it say goodbye to her for a couple years because the baby doesn't even understand why anything it's like they have

two babies that's crazy town that's a crazy short age gap yeah but if you're jizzing you're gonna i'm gonna get pregnant you're that's right that's right do you watched um uh what's it called i didn't know i was pregnant 19 mom no love after lockup love after lockup yeah no love after lockup is fucking amazing and that's on what is it we tv yourself yeah sound like that it's on it's people that meet people on the inside you know like they do the pen pal thing uh there's sites for like hey do you want to meet a felon i guess and they start these romances and then it continues you know the camber crew joins as the person is released it's a basically a formula for disaster every time but there's one couple where this is like my favorite the guy and the girl had a baby like three months

before he went to prison he's getting out of prison he now likes another girl not the the baby's mother he's like i'm gonna have i have to have sex with to keep her chill and then she's like we're not gonna use uh you don't have protection but it's like i don't know like we'll see you know we'll just see what happens and then like but she's also realizes he's totally unstable and not a you know yeah but she's thinking if i could lock him down with two babies he's not gonna leave me one baby someone can walk but she's thinking like two babies yeah he's that's what i do with you i know are you guys svu fans or no lonorder svl no but i feel like he should be because he loves crime and killing so much i love mariska hargatay really yeah they're just good detectives

benson and stapler they're just great but there was one episode with john stamos and he was a reproductive rapist where he would have consensual sex with women but poke holes and condoms and so he had dozens of babies everywhere and he just kept wanting to make more and more babies oh that's nasty yeah but john stamos is one of the only people i've seen in person that i got giddy and like lost my breath like he is really handsome so handsome i never ages i couldn't even get my words together i've never felt that way before but he really is hot he is who is john stamos that was genetically gifted though yes yeah it's gotta be like fucking 58 or something oh yeah yeah all that yogurt god damn it i love that bass you know you know who got married that

last week megan trainer and the boy from spy kids oh who exact okay all about that bass about you know that song so she got married but one of my favorite the i became obsessed with them because there's a photo of them leaving a sex store with like a bag of dildos yes and this is really your wheel and they got married last week and i've been stalking them on instagram didn't we do that in toronto we bought sex toys on the road somewhere in toronto was it toronto uh-huh did we bring them to the show i don't remember what the fuck maybe anyway let's do it again um i want to thank um the great people at satva all our sponsors obviously our huge corporate sponsor mcdonald's for all the money well i told christina but i recently at an antique store

found an old happy meal toy of a mcnugget witch whoa and i have it that's fantastic yeah wow yeah i wonder if we'll have access now to like old library of toys and you know and stuff from our connection to them yeah i hope so i have a hamburger toy or something this is for my son we got this in the happy meal it's a truck fantastic even though we don't gender him mcdonald's yeah of course talk about that but yeah yeah they're like it's not a boys toy or whatever or they said it was a boys toy right they they declared they're like it's a boys toy toy yeah and we're like we'll decide what's a boys toy um you know i'm not gonna let somebody tell me just because yeah someone tells me it's my son that it's my son you know what i mean let him decide he's three yeah he knows it

by now he knows what gender he is yeah i mean they fuck there you go again tom it's child abuse you changed our younger son's diaper today did you ask consent no i just changed it that's something you're supposed to do did you do that when you were babysitting no oh did you guys is it watching the circumcision documentary what on netflix are you anti-circumcision i just honestly i didn't have an opinion going into it yeah but everyone on every side is a lunatic and they get crazier and crazier as the movie goes on you kind of end up hating everybody yeah but um i guess i don't i'm i guess i don't get i don't care but i don't get why people are so into it yeah i mean the people who are really anti-circumcision kind of i don't know they kind

of amused me yeah yeah when they're like how dare you just figure these bodies yeah but the people that are so into circumcision are even crazier yeah i don't know i guess i've never heard you have to watch this documentary it's a lunatics after lunatics um the whole way through wow stresses me out i'll track it out um sorry i brought it up no no it's fantastic um all right so lisa traeger glitter cheese go see her on the road go see her at avn come see her with me watch her on degenerate she's watching her on degenerates lisa traeger's her name netflix um christine is going to be a next in denver denver mom for colorado at the comedy verx downtown downtown that's the one that's downtown january 31st through february 2nd those condos are so good yeah

i'm still but tickets are almost gone a lot of those shows are almost gone so buy them the last thing that i have tickets available for this month is but the third show in dallas at the majestic that's on sunday january i believe 27th so there's a few tickets left if you want to grab them otherwise pick up uh the tour again in uh long beach in february um i think that's it for us ah my fucking cunt okay and this song is uh full throttle the ballad of joe and julia by the t c r thanks so much we'll see you next week guys thank you change uh

uh true and