Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 484-Yoshi & Redban - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: January 31, 2019

What kind of dude brings a dead raccoon into a restaurant? A cool SF dude. We have the tape to prove it.  Plus, we heard that a fake orgasm can be detected if you really slow down the audio on it. Was Uncle Terry faking it? Here's a test.  All time favorite derelict Yoshi is back! He talks about more medical experimenting, prostitutes and uses his astute ear to guess which porn performer is screaming into his headphones. Be sure to listen to The Last Days of August available now on audible.  AND our original OG son, Redban stops by and we catch up on his ridiculous life. He's our big boy now and he also tells us probably the most disgusting story of all time, which is really saying something on this podcast. Also, Redban would go gay for about $500K. Not a bad deal.   

All right, all right, all right, let's do it, Jean. Oh, oh, you got to put on my other mom glasses for this. Are we doing? Oh, we're good. Go ahead, Jean. I'm pleased to announce my Denver shows are sold out. So we've added a late show Saturday. It just went for it went on sale today.

So get those tickets now right now, right now, right now, right now, because they will move fast. Go to Christina P online for those ticket links. And I don't even know what I have. I'm just so excited to be in Denver. You're doing the like what is it a midnight show? I'm doing a midnight show on Saturday at the Comedy Works downtown. The Comedy Books Downtown Club, which is such a wonderful venue.

And I'm just so excited. I can't wait to see all you guys there. And the Rider Dye Tour keeps on rolling. February 23rd. I go to West Salem Springs, Oklahoma at the Cherokee Casino. February 28th through March 2nd. Madison, Wisconsin, the Come On Your Comedy Club on state. April 4th through 6th.

Many Appletits, many soders at the Acme Comedy Club. May 10th and 11th. Tempe, Arizona to Tempe Improv. May 31st through June 1st. I'm here right here, right here in Sperm Bank, California at Flapeyre's Comedy Club. And then June 20th through 22nd. Washington Dick Come at the Dick Come Improv.

All ticket links at Christina P online. I will see you there, Jeans. All right. And you, Jeans. This is, by the way, Obi-Wan killing it. Yeah, killing it. We haven't heard from him in a minute. I'm still telling it.

Let's see, I'm in Long Beach at the Terrace Theater. OK, local. February 7th. There's 100 tickets left. So it might be singles the next day, Chumash and Santinez, same deal. And then the next day, Reno, February 9th, same deal. So there's scattered tickets. Um, and then the following week,

I am in Montclair, New Jersey, that's sold out. Pittsburgh on Valentine's Day. The early show is sold out. The late show has a few tickets remaining. Same deal with the next day, the 15th in Cincinnati. Sold out the early show. Late show has a few tickets left. Cleveland the next day, same deal.

And Washington, D.C. the next day at the Warner Theater, same deal. Early show sold out. Last show has about 100 tickets. Here's what we just added. I actually added it last week and didn't forgot to mention it. We added a late show for excuse me. Yes, a late show in Medford.

So the Boston area, the Chevalier Theater. April 28th. Get those tickets. The late show has been added. It is tomscura.com slash tour. There's also a bunch of other shows. I feel like people don't even people keep hitting me up, asking me about like, why don't you come to like

Richmond, Virginia or Kansas City, Indianapolis? Those are all on sale. They're just in May and June. So go to tomscura.com slash tour. And then slash what? Tour, tour, tour, tour, tour. Yeah, you can pull that volume back up. Thanks, brother.

Elementary school. Yeah, that guy. Who the fuck talks like that? Um, on tour. Ah, shit. I don't even know if I have that here anymore. You're a tour bus tour. All right, Jean.

Yeah, is that it? I'm ready to party. I'm ready, man. I got I got a lot to talk about. Oh, my God, there's so much to go over today. We got great guests today. It's going to be a lot of fun today. Don't forget we have really fun guests.

We have two people that we haven't had in your mom's house in a minute in a hot minute. Yeah, and they are going to both be here. It's going to be like a throwback. It's going to be a celebration. Why don't we get you ready to start the show and ready, bro? Let's let's let's get the show started. Let's go.

This nigga didn't bring a dead raccoon in the motherfucking McDonald's. Look at this shit. That motherfucker dead in the motherfucker. This nigga got rabies like a motherfucker. This shit is big time. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. No more in the fucking stand.

Well, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura. Tom Segura. Christina Perjitsa. Welcome to your mom's house. Yeah. Oh oh

oh oh Oh Oh Yeah. I have to say I'm a little jealous. Look at this shit. I'm a little jealous that a guy can,

the guy with the dead raccoon can go into a McDonald, but we can't. I don't even want to, don't get me started. Oh my God, I almost forgot. Morton's Steakhouse, the best steak anywhere. What I was going to say was so McDonald's. Wet or dry aged beef. Oh, they got it all.

I mean, what's your favorite one though? I believe Wet is the way to go. We were going to discuss the difference. Yeah. What's the difference? Well, let's get into that later, but I wanted to talk about, and by the way, there's over 80 locations of Morton's.

Look them up. Yeah. So they. I'm going to go to the one in Denver, I think. As you should. Yeah. Sounds like a great pre-show or post-show meal. Well, that's the neat part about Morton's being our sponsor.

Maybe meet everybody there. Right. Well, I'm saying that Morton's sponsors and we are promised discounted meals at any location across the United States. Yeah, that's true. But I mean, come on, that's a perk, babe. You don't want to start bragging about this.

That's true. So anyways, yeah, the McDonald's thing is, it's a bummer. Right. We've had to return. I returned a couple of handbags. I got my deposit back on the car. Yeah. I also canceled an order on jewelry.

Yeah. And that. For you or for me? No, it was for me. What were you going to get? It was that chain with the medallion. Yeah. Tommy Bond's number one.

Yeah. Well, the good thing about jewelry is that the resale value is pretty high. Well, I realized, but you know, I also, I mean, through therapy actually, I've discussed that and learned that, you know, sometimes it's OK to just want something and I can afford it and get it.

I could afford it, I should say. Yeah. And just get it. Just treat yourself. Yeah. Well, lesson learned, though, treat yourself too much. Lesson learned. You don't have $2 million.

I don't have $2 million, but I gave it back. But you know what, life's still good. It's not like there's no other source of income, you know? Sure. We have obviously great sponsors that we love on the show. We've been touring. Touring. Touring.

And our tour. Touring. Yeah. This past weekend was fucking crazy. I know. I mean, I cannot tell you what that was like. It was like shooting a special every night. I saw your pictures on Instagram.

It was bananas. I got to tell you, like, thank you to everybody that came out in Oklahoma City, San Antonio, where were they? Houston and Dallas. Right, Houston and. And the full charge kicked off every show. We killed it.

So I just wanted to say thank you. It was really. Right. And I saw you went with a tour bus. You did your tour bus this time. And I noticed that Burt was kind of showing off about his tour bus. Well, I wouldn't call his a bus.

I know. More like a minivan. Yeah, it's like an RV kind of thing. It's really sad, too. Like his bus has a one bathroom. Really? Yeah. One?

Well, how many did yours have? Well, two. I'm not going to pee with the peasants in the front of the bus. So I have my own. I have my own separate shower. You know, I have a bidet. I have my own. Chocolate fountain.

Set up in the back, satellite, Wi-Fi, surround sound. Like it's a whole different thing. And then like he painted his name on his. It's so. Can you think? I think this might be. Of a worse idea. Right.

The fundamental difference in personalities between. I love Bert, first of all. He's like a brother to me. Right. But I think the fundamental difference, like if I could sum it up between you and Bert, is that Bert will wrap his tour bus in a photograph of him shirtless.

And yours is like camouflaged. I would rather die. Right. Yeah. Like I, and honestly, I'm kind of, I side with you on this thing. Like I can't think of a worst thing to do on the road. I think he even realized it. Within a week.

He was like, this was a bad idea. When like scores of people at, like when you're trying to sleep at night and it's like, oh, there's a vehicle. And then they're like, hey, wait a minute. There's a guy's name and face all over the thing. Yeah. And then they're like, can we come in? He's like, yeah, sure.

Yeah. No, he's. That's crazy. But anyways, if you want to, I don't know, make him feel bad. Post that we know that your bus is fake. We saw that you have an RV and not a bus. Tom's the tour bus champ. Clearly.

Your bus looks broke. You know, just like, I mean, if you want, I don't know. You don't. Anyway. We're not going to tell you how to act. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, maybe just, I don't know. Just share on his thing.

Let me ask you, because I was very curious about your bus life, how did you manage number twos on the bus? Well, there's a strict pretty much rule. I mean, I talked to actually Brian Regan about this. He owns a bad ass tour bus. He's also been touring like this for like 15 years. And because the rule, the general rule on buses is no browning.

Right. You just. You can yellow. You can yellow all you want, but you don't brown unless we're talking a real level fucking 10 emergency, right? Now, why is that though? Because what happens is the way that the technology, like obviously it's a toilet.

So you're like, why can't I brown there? Well, the way that these are set up is that like the brown smells will get into like the vents. And like, you'll just smell shit. It'll be tear until they dump it. Yeah. So it's probably in a tank that right. It is in a tank.

And it sits on the bus cooking. And if it's and if you took a hot one, it's like, it's not going to be good. A little known road rules fact, too. We did not. We weren't allowed to brown on the Winnie. So you have this thing where you go like straight up. I would tell anybody on the bus, I'm like, don't shit on here.

Also, don't feel embarrassed to say you have to shit. And then the drivers are totally like the drivers know. And there and I go like, I have a no brown policy. They're like, most people do. And that's a great talk to have with a stranger. Oh, yeah. And I go, but if anyone's got a shit, he's like, I'll stop whenever you want.

So like when I told him, I don't want anyone to shit, he goes, it would be best. He's like, I've done a lot of these drunk rockers. Oh, yeah. But I imagine like drunk rockstar shit. And that's probably why they know how bad it is. Barf everywhere. But I asked Regan, I go, dude, you own this epic tour bus.

Can you I mean, doesn't that kind of suck with the shitting rule? He was like, well, I got like the new shit. I got so apparently the state, like if you get a tour bus built now, OK, you make it state of the art, there is technology now where he's like, oh, there's like coffee grinds and a whole system where you don't have to worry about it anymore.

Oh, I see. So yeah, but yeah, I see. Like when you build, when you custom your new thing, you can get that other level. You know, it'd be really great as if you could build a plumbing system when you flush, it just shoots the poo out of the exhaust pipe. Yeah, yeah.

As the bus goes. I think there would be some really upset motorists, maybe. But you could do it when there's like a bicycle tour. Like, you know, those right there by just let all your diary out of the back of the bus, like find those groups of bicyclists and then diary just keep going down the freeway. And they're like, I don't know, it was a bus. A bunch of shit came out of the back.

And this guy's Bert named Bert was his face was on. Yeah, you have to put Bert's face on that bus, though. Yeah, that would be cool. Speaking of brown, you know, last night, I was getting ready, we're winding down for our evening. And then you disappeared into the bathroom and I was like, are you going to make brown now? And you're like, no, no, I'm just going to go read.

And then, of course, I put it together that you were browning because I heard the sounds and I I started to smell the smells through the door. No, you didn't. And then it was so interesting because you came out and you were like, all right, are we going to make marital loves now? Like, and that's fine. I'm just saying it was interesting because there was no lag time. There was no refractory period is between your browning

and then your need to ejaculate. Yeah. And usually, like, I would be like, I'm going to brown. I'm going to take cool off, let the let let things settle and then go sexual, but not you. You went straight into it. Well, the thing was that brown interrupted my sexual desires. So I went upstairs like I'm ready for sex. And then it was like, hey, but we kind of need to make a pit stop.

And then I went back. That's I'm seriously blown away because I didn't realize. Well, thanks for putting out that. That's cool. And you know, what's so funny about you is you're way more affectionate. And I knew it. No, I knew it because I was like, she's like, we were watching Sesame Street with the kid and you were petting my head. And I was like, this guy wants nookie. I know it because normally you're not that affectionate.

Sesame Street turns me on. I wasn't I wasn't suggesting. You want to come. No. That is so nasty. Don't laugh at that blue band. Don't you encourage that? That is so nasty. Yeah, that is so nasty.

Uh, but, uh, yeah, I notice you're nicer to me when you want you want to ejaculate. That's not true. I also feel like so true. By the way, good job last night. No, good job. Yeah, you are so gross. So you were nice that last night. That was nice. Didn't fart the whole time. I know. And you didn't ask me to congratulate you about not farting the whole time.

That was cool. It's a big deal. It is. Oh, and I also, you brush your teeth, which I know is and use mouthwash. Yeah, that was cool, too. Tell me a guy out there that would do that before they slip with most girls. Most girls. Yeah. Is that really you wouldn't do that for just road beef? Mm hmm. Road beef gets a rubber.

They get no lube and you don't brush your teeth. No, no, no, no. I'm like, no, you're getting lucky. You know, yeah, to the. That's there. They're just lucky to have you. And the gutter dog that came in and Jesus Christ. I mean, they sluts the by the rub, rub shirts.

Oh, yeah, those are the dirtiest girls. Yeah. They're great. Don't get me wrong. I love them. Oh, God, don't put it out there like you're hooking up. I'm not hooking up nasty. I'm not hooking up. I'm letting dirty, dirty girls. All right. So God married guys, 10 years kind of.

So you're so people. So just before before it went down. Which went down before the McDonald's took their money back. Yeah, they one of our great, the greatest prank caller ever, as far as I'm concerned, Fart Simpson, hands down, DJ Skull vomit, sent in a prank call that he had done to McDonald's because he had heard the news that it's our sponsor before.

And then he sent this and then like, I felt bad last week, so I didn't play it. But now I'm like, now it's in the past. Right. Anyways, it's pretty funny. You want to I'm over it now, too. And now it's time to make fun of them. Yeah, you want to hear the call?

Sure. He called up a burger place. And then it's me as the caller. OK, my God. Here we go. Hey, I know it sounds crazy. How do you feel about working with McDonald's? McDonald's. Yeah. Why would I want to work with them? Like free McDonald's all the time.

Uh-huh. Try it out. It would have many, many French fries. You said many made in French fries. Yeah, cheeseburgers. I like the burgers. What do you mean? The burgers are good. Yeah, it's so good. It's delicious.

I want some. I want I want a McFlurry. Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah, what's your name? Burnt Chrysler. Dude, now I feel like it's going to be a regular part of my diet. You've got a diet. You want a diet? Yeah. I'm trying to get on a diet. You want to help?

Yeah. Where are you calling from? Where you at? What are you calling from? You know McDonald's. You call for McDonald's? Yeah, I got a red truck. You do? The answer is, yeah.

Hello? Just let McDonald's have a little fucking steak. Would you like to order something? Burgers, filet of fish, chicken nuggets, many, many French fries. What would you like to order? There it is. I like that you just start laughing at her. She liked me.

She did. She liked me. What's her name? Yeah. You almost got in there with her. Yeah. But then and then she was like, because you just kept laughing. Yeah. And then she was over you.

No, that's not somebody else. No, I know. That's something she handed the phone to her friend. She was like, this high guy, he keeps messing with me. Oh, that was so funny. Yeah, that was great. You're like, I got a red truck. I got a red. I know.

I'm like, huh, she's like, OK. That was great. Thank you, Fart Simpson. That was hardcore fun. You can go to fartsimpson.bandcamp.com. I got all his prank calls. It's really fantastic. He sounded R worded in that call.

I'm sorry. You got a red truck. I cannot say that. You use the hour. So. So. I didn't say it, though. Speaking of McDonald's, the McDonald's

is what Cardi B calls it. McDonald's. McDonald's on her Instagram. This fucking guy, it's really crazy. This guy, he has a dead raccoon. Yeah. Inside of McDonald's. But some people eat raccoons in parts of this country, right?

Yeah, I don't think that's a good excuse to bring a dead one. And maybe he put it on the table in a restaurant. Maybe he just trapped one and didn't get any at a quick bite. No, this guy's the guy commentating. This nigga didn't bring a dead raccoon in the motherfucking McDonald's. He's right. He's the sensible one. The guy dictating this is the one who is actually.

Look at this shit. That motherfucking dead in the motherfucking. This nigga got rabies like a motherfucking. This is crazy. This motherfucking crazy. He ain't gonna bring it in there where the food at. He's right. Nigga, you so motherfucking stupid.

Look at this shit. This motherfucking put the raccoon on the table. Yeah, why isn't everybody reacting that way? Like this guy's out of his mind. OK, I finally see this lady here. Look at her hand. She's pointing, right? Wait, behind?

Look at her. She's going like this. Yeah, she's like she's telling him you got to get the fuck out of here with that. Yeah, I got him on the table. And he's getting up leaving now. Yeah, OK, look at this shit. Look, he's leaving now. Wow, that's motherfucking bring a dead raccoon in the McDonald's. This nigga crazy.

Well, I tell you, only in San Francisco. Oh, my God, I never would have suspected I would never and a million I would let the guy narrating this open for me. I know it's just hilarious. He's pretty funny. But here's the thing. Here's the deal, man. I mean, there's a lot of homeless people in San Francisco. And they're all funny.

They're all hilarious. Yeah, this guy was lucky enough to to catch his dinner. And maybe he stopped to eat that for some knuggets. No, he's not going to. I know he wasn't going to eat it later. That doesn't look very appetizing. I'm getting something to eat before you go to work. Look at this bullshit.

He broke them in there. There's motherfucking right here. He's crazy. I didn't see it all. Somebody need to call 911 on this dumbass. Yeah, he's going to bring a dead ass motherfucking raccoon and put him on the table. He's so nasty. So nasty.

So nasty. He's so right. It's gross. Well, as long as we're on animal clips, do you mind if I show you a clip that I found? OK, that I thought you might like. It's the the the dentist one. Do you have it in your drink?

Bank. No, Blue Band has one. It's the the dentist one. Oh, OK, I'll load it up. Thanks. OK, I just figure since we're on the animal. How did you find this? It's just on Facebook, social media, Facebook.

That is not what you did. Yeah, no, I swear to God, you know, me, I'm always on the socials. I'm looking at stuff. I'm finding interesting things for the show. Oh, there you go. So this one's for you. What are you doing, Gaby?

Oh, it's a nice little pool. The click. That's a nice cleaning. This kid's braces, the braces are dirty and the rat is eating out the food from the braces. It's so. No more. Repulsion.

Never wash. You know, soggy now. Oh. Oh, oh, do you realize that if I were in the same room as that kid, out taking that thing and throwing it with everything I have against the wall, yeah, like I would have grabbed it out of his hand and be like, hey, watch out.

Watch it splatter against the wall. You wouldn't let a rat clean out your dirty braces. You know, I've never seen you get this grossed out by stuff. Usually I'm the one. That's true. And I'm so excited. I finally found your thread. Look how happy it made you.

I know. You made it again. It made you really I know because I'm usually the one having to watch guys ejaculate into things. Oh, I got some of that for you. Don't know. Thanks. Don't worry.

But see how happy it made you. Yeah. It made you know, I get it. Oh, since we have this is actually this shit is big time this. Oh, oh, this is a big deal because we lost our sponsorship money. We have some new merchandise. Oh, right.

That is in the store. And this is like pretty exciting stuff. So what we have, first of all, is that whenever I have overstock of like a specially tour made tour poster from a weekend, this one got people flip for Paul Grenise designed it. He's my man. Awesome poster designer. This is the one that's from Oklahoma City,

San Antonio, Houston and Dallas. They always go quickly. So just go to the store. See if you can get one. They're all signed. It says let's get physical making comedy. And it has me with a knife and a cowboy. It's it's really awesome.

It wouldn't be my first choice for a tour poster for you. They were very popular. Sure. So try to get one of those. Then really exciting. This was a design that was sent to us actually like a couple of years ago. Oh, yes. And we actually I actually have this mouse pad at home. That's right. And then we decided to have them made because people would ask me about that.

And in addition to that, we have custom try it out guy stickers from the try it out guy. And these are you. So basically you get them together. So you get the try it out guy, you get the mouse pad. It's a great drawing of the try it out guy. Oh, my God. So funny. If you if you have.

A chance blue band, I don't know if you can find out who. Uh, designed both of those. Try it out. But I'd love to give them a shout. And then finally, for the people, his tits on the try out guy. Huge tits. Oh, my God. It's it's become such a phenomenon here the last couple of weeks. We decided to do an official cool guy club shirt.

Cool guy club. This is official member of the cool guy club batteries not included. So my favorite, it's got the foot up on. Yeah, the foot up my favorite part. The foot is the signal, of course, that you're putting a butt plug in. So it's our own little wink and nod to everybody who's in the cool guy club. Yeah. And you can let people know that you're also your card carrying member, official member of the cool guy club.

So thank you very much. Those three items are added to the store. Merch method dot com slash Tom Segura. That is so nasty. It's pretty nasty. Ugh, ugh, cool guy, the cool guy club. That's is that Josh Potter's voice? I don't know.

No, I don't think so. Oh, OK. No, it's just a cool guy. Oh, by the way, this is just to tell you how amazing our fans are. Yes, we really do have. You guys are the best, the funniest, unprompted. Just them hearing about what went down with McDonald's. Oh, no.

Our fans went to McDonald's Instagram page and just bombarded. Like if you open any of the recent post McDonald's, it's just your mom's. It's hilarious. And I was pointed to it by somebody and I was like, oh, we didn't make it. We didn't ask people to do. No, we didn't. They just did it on their own. That's the best part.

They're the best. They're just comments like this is under like a regular McDonald's post. It says, so here's the deal, man. You fired YMH for Terry's review of a butt plug and Jack's leave. Those other dudes are in the cool guy club. Guess who's not you, McDonald's? It says, good morning, Julia. I wanted to let you know I built all these McDonald's for you, Julia.

That's the type of guy you're getting. Can you believe only four strokes come over and try it out? It says, Rick McDonald's. YMH was the best thing that happened in your company since Moose soup. Maybe do some research next time. Wow. Yeah. Well, that is a good point.

I mean, if I feel like we were told they did their due diligence and then they got upset about what we normally do. So whatever. I guess they put a post where they wrote something about adventure and this person wrote adventure. You didn't want to try it out with Terry. Jeans up. All you had to do was take 10 and 12 Benadryl and try it out.

Goodbye, Hitlers. I mean, this is like all their. Yeah. Anyways, thanks very much for that. Yeah. Another thing that's happened in the Instagram world is you guys have been pretty on top of Garth's Instagram for a while now. Like every time Garth post something, he all the comments.

It's it got to the point of your mom's house. Yeah, I was looking at Garth's every post and within seconds, it was just littered with YMH. There were no more genuine Garth fans. Yeah. Well, his his team has starting has started auto banning things. The moderators there have taken like they look for hot words now. You know, they found words like, I think piss on me.

Beat me Hitler. Yeah. But there's still words. You can get in there. I'm sure there are some that they haven't caught on to yet. Like I don't think they know that Garth could be in the cool guy club. But I don't know that. Maybe they don't know about hardcore fun yet.

No, not at all. I mean, that's that's definitely I really like that. This is a kind of a newer thing. That's a that's a newer thing for sure. Hardcore fun. So by the way, his new album is titled Fun. Oh, so he asked for listeners. Or like fans to send in suggested hashtags.

He's like, can y'all are better at hashtags than me? So y'all suggest them. And it was nothing but your mom's house. I I suggested the Big As Fun album. Oh, that's good. I thought that was fun. Yeah. So I really like fun.

I really like fun. Big As Stadium tour. Yeah, we're going to do the whole thing. But now he should definitely go for hardcore fun. Yeah. Could you play the other clip that she says, do we have it? That would be show. I think hardcore fun.

That would be show. You know what? Oh, yeah. Our word is worded. I don't know if that's in here. Hello, are you how are you today? Are you having a hardcore fun? Are you having a hardcore fun? Oh, would that be in last week's thing?

Oh, you're having a hot. Yeah, I found it. Oh, thank you. Oh, you did have it. Yeah. What is it? You are completely retarded. That is really. That's really something, you know,

but she doesn't pronounce the word that correctly either. She doesn't pronounce it that correctly. Yeah, she says she says it. You are you are completely. Yeah. What did she say? You are you are completely. What? I don't know. What's the next thing you are completely retarded

with a little vocal fry on the end, too. Yeah. OK, I got it now. I got it now. Thanks. You are completely retarded. Yeah. Yeah, that's good. Hotcore fun. This is a teacher. That's an English teacher.

Life is like you trying to learn English? Come talk to her. Yeah, yeah, really something. Yeah, Jean, you told me that you were. You were what was it? You were at it. Well, you had a lunch and you. So I went to sometimes I go to this place in Malibu

and I sit there and I have lunch and I just look at the ocean. And I was. There's a couple next to me. It was like like the rich, the rich guy. Yeah. And he's got like the hot 20 something year old model. Fuck, yeah. Siberia, she's literally from Siberia. And and they just gone like they went for a walk

and they were having like a champagne boozy lunch. And and he and he's he's trying to woo her and get laid. And, you know, she's like, well, in my country, we don't have sunshine and he's like, well, I can't believe that because you're all the sunlight I need. Like that kind of shit. Yeah. And at one point, she's like, you know, I I don't have a good memory. I don't remember things.

And he's like, well, I hope you remember our first kiss. Like, I know it's so rad because I said she was a smoke show. Dude, look, and here's the deal, man, is that I totally was like judging her. I'm like, whatever, she's hot. But she's like this box of rock, which is what you want in that situation. I'm serious. What do you wait? What? Yes, I guess because he just wants to get.

If you're trying to smash you, you want like, you don't want a fucking professor. Right. You know, that's true. And you want somebody who's like, that's shiny. That's and that's exactly how she was talking. Like he would bring up a point and then she would over talk about it. Like he's like, yeah, a friend of mine got fired the other day because he didn't observe the brand or something. She's like, I totally agree.

It's so right to do what the boss tells you. Like she's just so anyway, I'm judging her. And then he's like, the guy goes at one point, he's like, you know, you're perfect, right? And I know. And then he's like, what are your tattoos of? And then she goes, well, the first one is Socrates. The unexamined life is not worth living.

And I was like, oh, my God, that's actually really smart. And that's like something I live by. And then she's like, the other one is Aristotle. And then she has like a fucking Aristotle quote. And I was like, oh, my God, she is perfect. Like it was. So you're like, she's beautiful. Yeah.

And smart. I was like, oh, I'm the worst person in the world. I also would say that's not perfect. But yeah, to be smart. Well, it's kind of a bummer when, like, if you take out, I remember you take out a girl and you're like, you know, easy to manipulate. Like you get excited and then she starts to manipulate. You know, she starts with her all her words.

You're like, fuck, she's got all these thoughts. Yeah. You know, yeah, it's kind of depressing. Well, you know, that's what he wanted because this girl was clearly like a, like a Siberian model. Like she really was cute and he just wanted to get it in there after lunch. Like I think because it was a hotel and I think he wanted to be like, let's just go, let's go right now.

Yeah, let's go right now. Next time, if you don't mind, maybe snap a couple of pics. Oh, babe. Well, I mean, so we are so nasty so we can examine it. Gosh, we want to take a look. Talk about it. I can't even see you doing something like that. Honestly, doing something like what?

Like just like, well, maybe like in 10 years, when you have your full midlife crisis and you abandon the kids and me. Yeah, but what? I mean, right now I got a bang bus. Jesus Christ. Is that all you guys are doing out there? Oh, for sure. The bang bros.

Look, yeah, like I just tell, I have somebody go in the audience. I'm like, pick out scuzzy ones, you know, be like her. Whoever's on the rub rub shirt, that's the candidate. Go get them, line them up, get them on the bus. We do a little drive around the venue. Everybody rides the pony and then we throw them out the door. OK, I guess now that he's in prison, we can talk some smack. Did you care these rumors about Cosby that he would do a similar thing?

What's going on with the cops? I had heard a rumor this is years ago. OK, Rudy, that the cause would have somebody pick out hoes, too. Damn, that's a rock show move. I've never heard that happen in a comic show. Oh, yeah, and I especially at a Cosby show. They're like, I know, look for the sluts. Yeah, pop them on the shoulder.

Maybe this isn't Cosby, but I. Oh, now there's somebody else. I don't know. I mean, Cosby is like people. Whatever, families and bring their grandmother to see. Oh, I know before this shit. But that's why when I'd heard this before, I was just like, yeah. So he would have girls suck his peen through a fence.

Did you hear that? What? Yeah. I swear to God, I promise you that he would find hoes. You heard this. I heard this. But from a reputable show business insider source. I heard. Wait a minute. I heard the fence story about another comic, though. Maybe it's that other person. OK, maybe not the cause. It doesn't sound like a Cosby.

But it does, though. Meet me by the fence. Oh, OK. Maybe it's the other person I'm thinking. I dropped something to the fence. Yeah, you can't see him being like that. Oh, my pootie is squirting through the fence. Somebody got to clean up all this tapioca.

How much to do with the cause? It couldn't have. What? What? How much to do it with him? Not now. Now he's all blind. Up. I thought he meant not now. He's a convicted section. Oh, yeah, I'll add to it.

Fell in the prison. You're like, no, his eyes don't work. OK. I'm just silly, guys. That really wasn't the rule for me that I was looking for. But I'm not the rapey part. Yeah, the rapey part's kind of bad. Who would you rather do, though, Cosby or Weinstein? Don't forget about the balls.

Oh. Who would I rather do? Yeah. Consensually, you don't have to be drugged. Well, probably the cause between those two. Really? Yeah, Weinstein is so disgusting. He's so disgusting. But so is Cos now. Yeah, but less so. I can see the degrees of gross.

Weinstein is horrendous. And the cause is going to make me giggle a few times. I don't know, though, and not if you're awake. He might be. He might like you lifeless, you know. That's true. You might be annoyed that you're a chatty. Kind of how you are with your Siberian sluts. You think he would just put it in while you were sleeping?

Yeah, really? Yeah, that's his whole M.O. He's that's what he likes, right? Yeah, I guess that's really gross. I know it's such a bizarre proclivity. Like, I don't get it. There's the sleeping body. Yeah. I mean, that's like that's towing the line of some serial killer shit.

No, no, like, yes, this is almost dead. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that it's imagine if he would have done some kill bill stuff. His dark hour, like the Cosby like, like the fucking one to sleep on. And people are like, what? And he just did all that would be incredible. That would be like his breakthrough.

I know explosive new hour. I feel like we have to open the comedy gates and allow our convicted comedy friends. Like, you can do one more hour of standup, but you have to talk about the darkest shit. Yeah, just give it to us. You got you can't know more of this. You go to the dentist and then you got the faces all over.

Yeah, I mean, he would straight. Just sit in a chair for like hours. Sit there. Two hours that I know. Seated. Jesus. To be to be completely honest, like, I know he was funny when I was a kid, right? Yeah. But I don't think I could sit through any of those concert videos.

Like, I would watch Eddie Murphy over and over. Yeah. But him just fucking sitting in a chair. I mean, I can't take that. Oh, yeah, Bill Cosby himself was like the first thing I ever saw. Yeah. And it was here's the thing. I mean, I didn't have a developed comedy mind.

I was nine, but I was in tears watching that guy. I mean, I was a kid, but for someone to sit there and tell talk and just make you cry, laughing like that. But isn't that crazy that he can entertain a nine year old? Yes. That his sensibility and his his real stuff was just so dark. So dark. Yeah, he's a fucking murderer.

He's not a murderer. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's true. Hey, are we, by the way, confirmed blue band for the Dr. Drew's show start next week? We're going to be recording our first episodes. Next Monday, Monday, so.

And they'll come out the fall. They'll come out on Friday. If everything goes right, audio will come out Thursday. Video will come out Friday on our YouTube channel. Oh, that's very exciting. Can we plug these the contact stuff for people? Yeah, you sure can.

So Dr. Drew is going to be watching clips. He's going to be answering emails and questions. And he's also going to be talking to comics. If you want to ask Dr. Drew a question, you can write an email to Dr. Drew after dark at gmail.com. That's D.R. D.R.E.W.

After dark at gmail.com or you can. This is a setup number. Yeah, it'll go straight to voicemail. But if you know, you have like a really urgent, important question that you want Dr. Drew's opinion on. Yeah, and I would also suggest if you're calling in and leaving a voicemail, please have your thoughts put

together before you leave the voicemail. You may even want to write out a script of what you want to say. And I know it's going to it's probably going to get a lot of jokey stuff, which is fine. I mean, that's just the world we live in. But if you have a real question, he'll answer that too. So if you want to ask him something real, you can leave the sincere message.

It's not a joke that his first name is Dr. No, no, no, it's it's it's legit. Like the guy is, you know, and the guy really is this very smart, thoughtful, sincere dude. So I mean, you know, he can answer your questions. So, you know, let's hope some legit ones come in. Here you go. Leave a voice. But you'll throw us on the screen too.

Right. The number. Let's just put it in the description at least. Yeah, yeah. So it's 818-253-1693. That's 818-253-1693. And also leave a callback number in case for some reason, Dr. Drew would want to know. Answer follow ups. Yeah, I'd say don't don't leave a callback number.

We get that in the message. Oh, OK, OK. There you go. There you go, mom. Ignore Christina. Ignore what I just said. She's as usual, Tom. That is so rude. Throwing jokes around.

I hope you're Siberian second wife. Speaking of the Cool Guy Club. There was an awesome, awesome suggestion. And that was from Pete Holmes. We realized it kind of all tied together. And that was that the previous week when we played Terry, the Cool Guy, he was putting his butt plug in. And he had his, what's it called, his mistake,

his ruined orgasm, right? Yeah. Everybody kind of just let it go. And then everyone just kind of everybody was like, yeah, that happens, right? But then Pete Holmes made a great point. Do you have that clip of Pete Holmes? Listen to Pete Holmes here.

When you hear a real orgasm or a real laugh, when you speed them up or slow them down, they sound like animals, right? And that's how you can tell, he said. Pete Holmes said that if you actually really slow it down, you can hear, if you hear it in like an animal sound, you can tell that it's real. And if it doesn't, you can tell that it's fake.

OK. So one of the things that happened to me, I've been thinking about Uncle Terry a lot, I wanted to know because you don't actually see it. Did he really have an orgasm? No, he don't. Are you telling me I'm getting to relive the audio now? Well, here's the normal.

Let's listen to his normal speech. No, thanks. I don't really like it. Oh, fuck it. Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Ah, oh, oh, oh, oh. So gross. God damn it.

Well, here's the thing. Are you toying with me? That's what I thought, you know? Are you messing with me? You don't believe that he had a real ruined orgasm? Well, I wanted to listen to Pete's suggestion and have a little test. So I talked to the boys and I said,

can you slow this down to see if this is real or not? Oh, you guys hired like a forensic audio. Exactly. We spent money and time on this. Absolutely, thousands of dollars. And what we wanted to know is, does this sound like an animal? Oh, okay.

Because that's the home suggestion, right? Gross. So let's see. Oh, fuck it. Oh, fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Ah, eh.

Eh. It does sound like an animal. No, we can slow it down even more. 00:46:20,540 --> 00:46:22,540 Yeah, let's slow it down even more and see if you really hear an animal. Close your eyes. No.

Whoa, it does sound like- Oh. Whoa. It sounds like a grizzly bear. Yeah. That's real. Dude, is that real? Yes, that's slowed down.

That's super slowed down. Whoa. That's so great. Oh my god. That's really scary. It is, right? Fuck. It's really something, man.

Oh, fuck. Yeah. That's crazy. That's not my uncle Terry. That's Christina's uncle Terry and I think the verdict is that's a real mechanism. Yeah.

He was really cranking it. I don't think he was playing with us, you know? No, I never thought he was playing with us. I mean, that sounds like fucking better. I didn't think he was joking, though. That guy is all in. You think so? He's all in.

We actually have a really crazy revelation about him. Oh, I know. Should we do it now? Yeah. Dude, I had no idea that we actually played- But read that after, okay. Okay, we actually played Terry on this show

before. His name is Pete, right? Yes, but we just call him Terry. And I had no idea that we played him at like 100 episodes ago? 50 or something? This was from episode 439.

So that's about 50 episodes ago. So like almost a year ago. And here's what stands out. Hey, Pete's been in the game for a minute. He has been fucking things and fucking things in his ass. This footage looks like it's gotta be-

The fucking stuff game? I mean, it's gotta be 20 years old. And he's still the same guy. Same old Pete. Shirtless, happy, and wanting to fuck stuff. Hi there. My name's Pete and today I'm going to be demonstrating a new toy that I got.

And the cool thing about it is it incorporates a power drill and a flush light and your hard dick. Okay. Use the cordless. Whoa. Whoa.

What's going on in his face? Look at the glee. Oh, he's so happy. That is glee. That's something I haven't felt since I was 4. You can't mimic that. I mean, look at that. And look at the stash. Is this from the 70s? It's old. No, I think my guess is that this is probably

I mean, I know the internet wasn't in the 70s, but he looks like he's like he's got the stash in the hair. This is like mid 90s. That's crazy. He's still, he's still fucking stuff. Still fucking stuff. Yeah. He's on the internet making videos. Making videos.

Look at him. Look how happy he is. You get a really fun toy. I mean, did he make that? He built this. He made that. I think he did. I think there's a very good chance that he made that. Of course he did. It doesn't look like he bought it from a store. Do you think, wait a minute.

Now, this is opening up a whole new thing. Do you think Terry made that fucksleeve then? Did he custom double fucksleeve? No, no, no, no, no. That you can buy. Oh, okay. No, I mean, I'm on the road a lot. You can buy. Sure. So you and your friend can... Yeah. I mean, everybody that opens for me,

we usually do a double a fucksleeve. On the tour bus? Yeah. Full charge and you do the double sleep? Or we'll do it right before the show. Like just green room. We'll both put our dicks in it and we fuck it. Then we come on each other's heads. And then... It's a cool thing.

Yeah, we just come together and then, you know... And then we go have a great show. It's like how Madonna and the Truth or Dare documentary would do a group prayer before every show. You and full charge do a group jerk. It's comedy, man.

You guys do the fucksleeve and then you go and perform. Thank you for not... I don't want to watch this again. So thank you for not... Yeah, so if you guys want to... Nope. Visit Terry again. He's there. It's a really good...

That's pretty great, right? And I bet it worked. Unfortunately, he didn't have an orgasm on that tape. Oh, he didn't? No. Check this out. We got an email, Jean. Yeah. Hey, mommies. I can't believe the reaction Christine gave to the video of the bro

making some sweet review vids of bro toys for his fellow bros who use toys. It was bromophobia at its worst. It's almost like she doesn't support the looking good bro, totally LGBT movement at all. Just here for the Crown Molden Joe. Wow.

You got really called out there. I think he's right. I think I am bromophobic. A guy called you... Bromophobic. Called you a Joe hater. So this is the type of guy you're getting. I'm brophobic. Not homophobic. Bromo. What's going on with my ear? See, that's too complicated.

You look like Wolf Blitzer with all this shit in your ears. I love it. I can't do it. I feel like the ear buzz is too loud. And then I'm always worried about them falling out. I'm too self conscious. They look terrible on you. You look like a total dad nerd.

I kind of like it. No, you look really stupid. I got to tell you. I love you so I'm going to tell you. It looks silly, Tom. It doesn't look cool at all. You look like you should be out in Afghanistan doing a... Like reporting? Yeah. It's a little intense

for just watching a guy jerk video. I love it. You're so intense. You're like Anderson Cooper there. I love it. Live from Kabul. I just wish that this one would fit like the other one. Right. They don't. Why not?

We're not professional news characters. We were so dumb, by the way. We were wearing these wrong. And then the viewers wrote us in. They're like, maybe don't wear them like you're stupid. Stupid fucking bitch. Yeah, and they sent us pictures of the correct way to wear these.

The correct way, first of all, it's works for me personally. Yeah. And then I don't like it. I don't like how the sound is. I like to hear the earmuffs. I mean, even though I look ridiculous. Hmm. No. Let me see.

It looks intense. You look really weird. But does this one, does it look the same? Let me see the other one. Well, that earhole is enormous. But is the headphone the same? Yeah. Am I wearing it the same? Yeah, it looks terrible on both sides. You look so nerdy.

It's so nerdy, babe. Thanks, Wolf. I'm standing outside the Capitol. And both sides haven't agreed to terms. There will be no funding as of right now for the wall. But we'll see after a speaker and the president reconvene. We're hoping

that they'll be able to vote on whether or not the government can reopen. Back to you. Thanks, Wolf. That's what you look like. Guys, I look like we are the Braxton's and you'll see that we are not like an ordinary family.

I am keeping I am keeping my dork phones in. Thank you. You look really nerdy. It's fine. I like it. I really like it. Gosh. No chicks are going to date you like that. You're not going to get your Siberian model that way.

You said that you're getting a lot of cool fans out there. I don't understand why everyone was a fucking stupid idiot. Right? Thanks for bringing it up. Are people saying nice things? Yeah. I did Melrose. I was on the Joe Rogan show.

Yeah. And I got up on stage and a drunk woman in the front goes, Christine, you fucking bitch! And I was like, that's a little intense lady. A lot of women out there are fucking full of shit and they're stupid. Like, I

I wouldn't, I'd leave out the fucking, you know, I felt that kind of made it harsh. I was like, whoa. I'd forgotten for a second. Don't you agree? Like fucking bitch is too far. It's a lot. It's heavy. Yeah. Stupid bitch. Okay. Dumb bitch.

Yeah. It's a lot. By the way, this Christine stuff, I just remembered I was looking at our wedding album. Yeah. Do you know that when Tom and I got married, the priest that married us in the Bahamas during the ceremony called me Christine. Yeah. I think legally that gives me an out.

Babe. I think it means that like, you know, we're serious but we're not married. You know? You're terrible. Right? That is so rude. Your name's not even said correctly.

I bet you there's a lot of YMH listeners out there that would love to be married to Christine. Oh, I bet they're, you're right. Yeah. And you are welcome to take them on that offer. Oh my God. What is happening to us? Well, nothing. I just feel

like, you know, it's pretty obvious. Women are stupid. Jesus. Tom, I have to pee. Open your mouth. Well, here's the thing. Why don't we take a quick break and we'll come back with one of the all time

most celebrated favorite guests. I mean, people just absolutely love Yoshi. Oh, yeah. So we'll be back here with Yoshi in just a moment. We'll be back to talking about farts and dicks after

this quick break. And we are back with one of the all time Hall of Famers. A first ballot guest, if you will. Oh, yes. He always has amazing stories. And we're

so happy to welcome back the great Yoshi. Make yourself useful, you stupid dumb fucking cock sucking mother fucker. Yeah. Yo, she's back. We missed you. Your friends are so nice to me. They really are.

They love you there. And thanks for having me on the show. Of course. And I have to say, there's a trend in the show business. When someone becomes really famous and successful. Can you speak closer into the mic? Oh, sorry. Yeah, I'll put it to your mouth. Like this? Yeah. Was that better in Blue Band?

Is that good? Don't forget, he's like a shy Asian guy. Oh, got it. He's like... Right, right. Yoshi's super shy. That sound okay now? I think so. I think so. There's a trend you said in what?

Well, I noticed over the years, once someone becomes really famous, they will cut off all that less successful friends and you guys never did that. So, yeah, I appreciate it. Oh my God. Geez. I mean, I'm not going to name names, but you and Russell, Peter's

been really good to me. Of course, Norton and Atel. Yeah, of course, man. But you're a friend. We loved you for years. You had no reason to, but thank you. We've always been big fans. We actually got together.

You were up in Sacramento when I was there. Not this latest time, but like a year and a half ago or something like that. Yeah, and you came, you did spots. Yeah, and you were very generous with your show. And yeah, I really like your fans. You always make me laugh, man. Where have you been?

We haven't seen you in what, two years now? It's been a long time. Pretty close to two years. Yeah. Are you traveling? Yeah, because also last time you talked to us, you were well, you'd get paid to allow medical testing to be done. You do those

trials. I still do them. Just so people understand, like if they're listening now for the first time. When there's a new medication, they're like, oh, this will treat maybe Alzheimer's or pancreatic cancer. They have to do a trial to see the effects of the drug on

a live human being. They pay those people to be essentially human guinea pigs. They do it on animals first, then they do on Asians. Animals and Asians. And you sign up for these.

Yeah. Is this your primary income source then? I just don't make enough money. I mean, when I do show with Jim Norton or Atel and Russell, it's a really good month because they're so generous, but I don't always do those shows. And quite often when I do my shows, regular shows

have the female audience covering their faces. So that's not a best way to make money. Yeah, primary, but I do get really weird gigs on the side, like consulting stuff on adult business and things like that. Right, because again, for the new listener

you worked in the adult business as like, was it editor or? Yeah, and producing DVDs and PR. For a long time. Yeah, this month it's actually, I had 28th year mark involving a business. And

me and my friend Brandon Daly showed a movie to Showtime. It's been on it and we were kind of shocked because I thought maybe 4,000 people watch it first week. He told me not to give the number, but the number was significant higher first week. People have been watching it. On Showtime?

Yeah. Pornedemic? It's available now? What is the premise of the? It's a funny documentary. It is? No, I'm joking. There was HIV outbreak in adult business 20 years ago. And there was a guy named Mark Wallace being accused of spreading

HIV. He's supposed to lie on test results. And we found him and, but even I was kind of shocked. It was very ambiguous. Did he lie? That's part of the movie. You'll find it in the movie, but I worked on it. I'm still kind of like

confused. About whether or not he lied? Well, what happened was paperwork looked suspicious, but the medical facility that he was getting tested moved to another location. So the paperwork was a little messed up. And I don't think

it's necessary. He might have not done it. It could have been honest mistake on the clinic, you know. Oh, so we still don't know whether he knowingly lied. I mean, I think he's guilty of infecting people. He was so difficult meeting with the industry

people because whenever there's some HIV case, they do this background map who are infected and see who had sex with them last one week a month. They go backwards and test everyone and see who's, you know, and if they're negative, obviously they didn't infect anyone.

Well, Mark Wallace didn't want to get tested. He was the last guy to be tested. He refused to do it for a long time. Oh, and finally we did it. Yeah, but there's a little bit, you know, it's 20 years. So even my, you forget things, you know, like

so. So what does he do now? I mean, I was shocked when Brandon found him three, four years ago because honestly, if that was my daughter and she was HIV positive because I would kill the guy, but he's still alive and we found him in Vegas.

Is he still like around the adult business though? I don't know what he does, but I don't think so. Yeah. Yeah. Even like world famous male talent Tom Bryan. Male, sorry, Tom Bryan? No, Tom Bryan.

What is he known for? I mean, he's he's spending tons of movies since he was 18 and he was in the business for 30 years and you know, I think he's driving Uber. There's nothing wrong with it,

but if you don't take care of your personal finance, it's not like I could judge them. I mean the bad shape too, but there are people who they're having hard time making transition from performing the business

for a long time in the next phase. Like you guys are very successful comedians but you know there's other comedians that you know over the years, you know, they're struggling or there's a time limit on everything in every form of entertainment. You know, you need kind of an exit

strategy. Sure. So that makes sense. Yeah. I'm actually going to go from I'm planning to go from comedy into the adult business. Oh, opposite. As a performer, but I'm going to get into that like that dad older dad porn.

Is that a genre yet? It's very popular actually. Dad stuff? Well, like I'm saying like I'm probably going to stand up I'm hoping another 10 to 20 years. And then it'll be like. Why 10 to 20? You could do it for 40 more years.

Oh, come on. But it's he's physically it breaks him down to tour. So probably better to say this is a joke of being serious. I'm being serious. I think well like I think about I'm 30. I'm going to be 40. Right. So if I do it stand up for 20 years, I'll be 60. Right. That's a perfect time to kind of like

wind down the touring and be like, I'm going to get into some hardcore scenes and you know, I'll be fully gray by then and I'll just be like I'll play older. You know, I'll be like, I don't want to I got to go to the bathroom

and then like get like the nurse to come in. You know what that's interesting. Yeah. There was this really old Japanese guy. He had one of his B.H. porn. He was having a problem with it and no one at the retail store in Japan would help him. So he actually

traveled to the actual company and when he showed up this is like 10, 15 years ago. Just with his tape having trouble with my tape. Yeah. So he literally went to complain. I'm going to travel to get my tape. So he just happened to show up and they're making

porno. So he started watching and whoever's the male talent wasn't having problem. So they asked the old guy he must have been 60 some years old. Do you want to try it? So he's been fucking ever since then. What? Yeah. He must. This is a dream. Tell me more. He needs to tell more inspiring

stories like this. This is awesome. Tommy, you could do that. Or I was thinking we could franchise Morton's. We franchise owners too. That's true. It's a good idea. Or porn whatever. Whatever you want. I love that laughter.

Here's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking like instead of going more traditional like we have the studio space. That's a good point. I start shooting like content here and then put it up on my own site and people have to subscribe or buy

directly from me. You know what? This is so funny to me. I was in Vegas over the weekend for the porn AVN award show. How'd it go? It was great. Estra Koo killed it. She was great. Oh, you're Estra Koo. I remember her. Did she host or something? She hosted and I was really shocked because

I haven't been at the award show in seven years. I was shocked how well the show ran and how disciplined the audience were because you know David Taylor, Jim Norton, all those guys are very funny but they always. Were they there too? No, no, they were there before. Oh. But the problem

is these young girls show their tits and I don't care how funny you are. No one's going to be laughing at your jokes when girls are showing their tits. That's true. That's a problem. Tom shows. There's a lot. There's a lot of hot chicks showing their tits at my shows. You're that kind of guy, right?

Everybody comes to like. It's the pussy tour. Yeah. And when Estra was hosting these girls are way more professional and proper and the show. They don't want to fuck with a girl basically. That's true. Maybe that's something to do with it. It ran

very, very well and Cardi B was great. Oh, that's right. She was fantastic. Would she do a performer song or a host? Yeah. Beginning and at the end of the show. Really? I couldn't believe the production of it. So nice. It was amazing.

But the reason I was telling you you know how they make these gag porn like they'll remake like Avengers 2 but they make porno version of it. Yeah. Like parody stuff, right? I was talking to a couple of directors. They should make a parody porn about podcasting people doing porno. Okay.

So when we walked in I'm not even joking. Yeah. When I walked in like they could rent from you guys. Uh-huh. I felt. Yeah. The parody of our show. It'd be fun. Come in your mom's house. Yeah. There we go. There you go. And have people

just shoot all over the studio. Yes. Oh thank you for volunteering that great idea. Good idea. I'm expecting top dollar for the use of our space, right? Yeah. Here's a hundred bucks and some sandwiches.

Come back in a couple hours. Right. Thank you. Yoshi can I ask you have you ever have you ever dated a porn star or had sex with a porn star? I eat that ass and pussy all the time. I got nothing. Um I don't know. I don't know about dating.

I hang out with a couple of them and I'm a little nervous because like what am I going to do? I'm old, you know, but You don't know you're not. You look about 30. You are the perfect guy. Yeah. You and Josh Potter should both

Who's that? Josh Potter is one of our producers a huge, hilarious comic and you guys are built to date these porn girls. I think you're yes because you're not going to be weirded out.

Not judgmental. You're not judgmental. You're both like down for you're not needy high maintenance guys. I don't I don't think I'm jealous. I don't think dating to right we're but there's certain performers like it's not even sex.

I like I like their personality. Yeah. That's even okay. So even better. Yeah. And then you can eat their asses when they get on it mind. Yeah. And you're not jealous, right? If you ate their asses. Yeah, I would imagine so. Why? Well, because I think

oh my god. There's a difference between work and private stuff, you know, I don't but I don't assume I don't know. We'll see. But the girl that I like right now Charlotte Stokely and Adriana Cicic

they're really good personalities, you know, you like their personality. Yeah. Yeah, they're pretty. Because it's a business for beautiful girls, you know, but some of them have like no fucking personalities and, you know. Bummer. No, these are the girls you like, meaning you know them

personally or you're you're just into their work. I don't know them personally, but I could tell by their Instagram. I think Instagram is a really good. You don't know them personally. I mean, I couldn't meet them, but I like why like I'm known so many. I think that one of the big issues

with guys. Yeah. Dating a girl in this field is that I think you wouldn't get jealous, right? Of the work. I won't get jealous, but I'll be more like concerned for them. In what way?

Well I'll be worried about certain people that they would work with. You know, I know some of the reputations. Yeah, but you could what do you mean by that? Certain people's reputations. What do you mean? I think I better be careful.

I think some guys have some good reputation and bad, right? Yeah. And I think I think some of them could read a girl and figure out some of the girls are submissive. So they might do stuff that

they shouldn't because they won't complain or they could get away with it. There's other girls. There's other girls that's so powerful and strong. They wouldn't tolerate this show. They wouldn't. So you're saying that there are guys that would push boundaries without asking and kind of

consider it. But you would also because you're kind of well informed you'd be talking to your girlfriend in this situation and be like, you probably don't want to work with this guy or that guy. I heard Segura is great, but some of these other guys are like, right? Yeah.

Segura would be great. He's a really strong performer. He's thoughtful. Scenes over quickly. He can take a dump and then go right into the scene. It's definitely not going to hurt. By the way, I don't want to promise anything,

but because the conversation You can get me into the business. Because the conversation over the weekend it was very surprising convention for me, but I had several conversations. I think I have a pretty good chance

eventually. I'm pretty sure I could get Rocco Sephardi on the show here. Oh my God. We stole my heart. My favorite. Really? Yes. I was really, really shocked because what happened

was I have very bad breakup and I have to say Yoshi, you were dating somebody? No, no, from Evil Angel. Oh, right. I remember that. That was a few years ago now. How many years ago? It will be seven years next month. And Christina

and I think you said it too, but old joke aside you're a very compassionate person and I think after we were recording, I think you were concerned how angry I was because it kind of hit you alive inside when you're angry all the time.

That's the issue I have deal with. But I was shocked because I made three or four new people working Evil Angel and they come up to me offering friendship and saying nice things because

people who got me fired from Evil Angel seven years ago all those people were gone last month December. They got all fired. Oh good. And does that make you feel better knowing that those people are fired now? Do you feel vengeance has been done? So I worked

on this podcast the last day of August this porn star that ended up killing herself a year and a half ago. It's on Audible It's for Audible listeners only right now right now. And then it will be available to the general public in April by role famous John Ronson

and I feel vindicated because things that they have accused me it's clear if you listen to the podcast I was vindicated it's a lie. Are you mentioned in the podcast? Oh I'm in it and I've been mentioned and then produced Alina a wonderful job. What is the premise because I actually heard about it. I saw this

in the news that this was announced that John Ronson is the host producer executive producer of this podcast and a reporter and storyteller yeah. And he's done other big ones. Yeah Man Who Stare A Goat which George Cullinan started. He wrote a book called Frank which Michael

Fessbender played in. Yes. He wrote a book called Psychopath That's You Read Oh right that's between you and Tom that's your favorite thing. So but this the last days of August is a podcast that he produced a multi-episode podcast

that explores why she killed herself. This well known porn star. Huge star yeah. So what happens he made us, this is technically season 2 season 1 it's called The Butterfly Effect and it's a story about how

why the available porn on internet like Pornhub and things like that how it destroyed porn industry and how much it had impact on people especially young people their attitude by sexuality and things like that. So that was kind of fascinating. It's great

yeah it was ranked like top 5 podcast in 2017. I don't know much about the sexuality aspect of it but I know that the business side the fact that the internet and like free content became a thing destroyed the revenue of something that people used to

have to pay for. Sure. So season 1 is about how high tech destroyed the industry season 2 with August it's about how industry had impact on individuals. Right. And 2017 5 adult performers died

2 suicide and 3 overdose or 3 suicide and 2 overdose so it was a really rough time. But the reason John Ronson picked August Ames because he wrote a book called so you've been publicly shamed it's a

oh yeah I've heard of this. Yeah he wrote that book so it was a combination of a year before he covered adult business and also public shaming this is a perfect storm of shit it's a terrible story he was going to work on a story about Alex Jones but he shifted to

August Ames so they were contacting people and one of them mentioned my name he and his producer contact me about a year ago and then I talked to them and I helped him with you know they were asking me certain things

and I you know I'm not expert but I know a little bit more because of my experience. You know a lot more. But it was really hard on me and them and I think it's they told me this it's a very sad and dark story but it's

very interesting story. Were you friends with the girl? No I avoided her because everybody told me she's nice typical Canadian but her husband is the guy who got me fired from Evil Angel so I feel really awkward meeting her. Yeah okay but now

this was all this part of the conversation was all prompted by the fact that you mentioned Rocco. Oh yeah what about it? You said that you had this was a one of many conversation I had with people and the people who got me fired

see what a what a okay it's like Game of Thrones people that you hate they get killed but not in the way that you wanted to be so I wish they would get fired after the podcast because I had something to do with they got fired for unrelated to that podcast. Oh okay.

So I had no I had no too bad you know so yeah I'm happy I guess they were out of there but not the way I wanted does that make sense to you? Yeah I understand. Sure you want it to be more hateful and directed I agree I'm the same way so wait so how do you know Rocco and are we going to talk to him about

YMH and tell him that I if he remembers our conversation we had backstage when Tom was shooting were you shooting some Def Jam comedy with Russell Peters and he and I had a very heart-to-heart intimate conversation about his Hungarian wife

she's beautiful oh yes good and he told me some childhood stories even we had quite a moment Rocco they really did we did we bonded I swear he's amazing he's absolutely amazing person he is a wonderful man he once again won

male form performer of the year wait he's back performing? He's performing yeah I thought he retired he won award and he wasn't he wasn't at the convention but there's new people at Evil Angel and every one of them woke up to him say hi I'm so

and so I love hearing all the stories about you and I hate Adam and Kevin the two people that got me fired so that's what they know how much I hate them so that's how they introduce themselves to me I hate Adam and Kevin but

I think they seem pretty it's incredible how they have changed the plays they do a lot of new stuff because they're really suffering because of piracy only way you know just like when I had a conversation with David Tell there's some guy in England

stole his complete act and doing them what? and I told him Dave what are you going to do and he's like well what am I supposed to do you know flying to London punch the guy in the face I think a Tell's attitude is only thing I could just keep writing new material

there's a guy touring with Dave's material that's what I heard it's like Gallagher and Gallagher too remember the brother picked up Gallagher's act he like licensed it or something yeah I had no one licensed it but like is the guy in England must be like an opener level comic right

yeah I think so I don't know if they were still doing it that's got a backfire pretty bad it should and I think Evil Angels are doing a lot of new things you know so like as long as you create something new and you have a better interaction with fans

and I think ironically Instagram and things like that are helping a lot of these people to have a good talent with their fan base I agree it can harness it they have more power now maybe they can build websites right that are membership based

and create their own content that's the big thing right I think that's really helping the girls in the business almost shifting power from the studio and some of these girls they have 3-4 million Instagram followers and I don't know how you make money but I think they are because that's a lot of people

you know wait Yoshi you mentioned when we sat down here that you are producing a show you mentioned a stand up comedy show can you hold part that for a second how did you think though we still don't have the answer

why do you think that Rocco would be willing you are like I think that might happen because when we asked the last time I didn't have any sort of support from Evil Angel or they are saying this is a good thing for you they don't really know you but because there is new people to Evil Angel they are willing to promote the company

non-traditional way and I could tell they listened to your podcast and other stuff and they are all about promoting the performers so next time when Rocco have a big project to promote

it will be easier coming from somebody in offer management now what happened because you saw the Netflix documentary I'm assuming right the whole thing that he was leaving the life and that was how it ended went right back again I think so because I think

he still have financial responsibility his family you know he have to work I think it's even in the documentary I think or maybe something I read afterwards his wife is not jealous at all no she seems totally cool

I got some yoga today I'll see you later it's like this is why make you happy and go do it don't just stay home and do nothing it's a hobby like fishing cars I always say

Rocco is like Michael Jordan porn absolutely even at the 70% level that's still 70% Michael Jordan would you say he is a very strong performer I didn't even realize I said that when I heard you say it I didn't know

yeah that's all you man you introduced us to that lingo because that's how Rocco picked female talents he is like a strong performer absolutely Russian ones are really tough really tough

Eastern European and Russian not fun they are really strong they could take beatings beatings not literal beatings I believe it because we're bread for fucking

and we're very hard hardened culture is he still pretty hardcore in his movie making I think so yeah he has other he'll pick he'll maybe do one scene but he'll have a couple other

strong male performers but I think Eastern Europe and Russia because it's an interesting geography they've been invaded they have a really strong genetic and these are tall beautiful girls and they're

physically beautiful but they're physically strong because it's not an easy place to survive rough terrain under communism under nazi the Germans screwed it up those regions absolutely

those people are not flimsy Rocco seems from what I remember I'm gonna always go for the asshole kind of leans into that why is that? Vaj is just boring to him

Vaj is just boring to him that's what John Stallion said pussy is bullshit it's all about asshole nice quote is that Nietzsche? now sorry because you could fake with vaginal sex

and when you have a huge dick in your ass you can't fake it that's why anal is like a big part of it because ever since 1997 with Viagra there's a lot of guys cheat

and I agree with him I think just seeing naked girls should be enough to get your dick hard and if it's not you should be in the business so Rocco was before 97 it's all him you're never soft now it's interesting you say the vagina

is kind of you can cheat but then the butt you can't cheat as a woman you're saying there's no pretend if there is a ten inch dick in your ass right because it's not as flexible as the vagine which are my favorite

the painful oh fuck plus the vagina stretches it's meant to accommodate a penis or more sure I didn't know I hope everybody go and listen to the last days of August

because in season one I think if you really want to know what's going on fuck with my ass man if you want to know what's going on in porn industry you should because you might agree porn is important because we don't have an adequate sex education

this country unfortunately and at school they don't teach kids they're responsible and they're scared to talk to their kids well guess what when you do that kids going to talk to other ignoring kids or most likely porn so I think industry is trying to change

and I think that suicide last year really shocked the industry and no one was talking about that podcast because I think they're really afraid what's in it and people get blamed for her death in that thing you know let's talk about that comedy show you were doing

yeah that sounds really lighthearted so what is the you were booking a comedy show there was a rehab place called Sunny Acres up in San Luis Obespo and we had a one show

and rehab for drugs and alcohol but 22 maybe quarter of the audience member are registered sex offenders low level whatever that means what is a low level that's what they told me

exposure, exposing yourself to a minor maybe, lewd and lascivious wow that's exactly what my friend Joey said that was his thing he's a field of expertise I'll tell you why because we used to live in a really dicey neighborhood

and there's that what is it called not the amber alert crime maps and it'll tell you what kind of crimes and pedophiles and sex offenders are in that neighborhood and lewd and lascivious conduct I think was the biggest one

exposing oneself to a minor that's a big E2 yeah it was just a fun hobby I had back when we lived in the bad neighborhoods I know I got chewed out by a couple of comedians for doing it sure what happened what do you mean

well so some of the some of the comedians think I'm kind of promoting sexual assault and things like that oh by providing an entertainment for low level sex offenders

but they're in a rehab facility yeah they can't leave and this is like their last resort so I apologize to people who run into a place but it's a huge land and I forgot the guy's name he made tons of money and

he had this huge land in St. Louis you know this route you had to be a thousand feet away from school and church yeah and so he has this facility which is so big

that it's away from all those areas that you shouldn't be and he's providing these guys their last chance to turn their life around and sex offenders need to laugh too yes right but what's funny is

there's only one show with a rosy trend and you know it was a little uncomfortable because I still have a sixth sense of humor so I had 8th grade t-shirt 8th grade the movie so I had that t-shirt on and I did a show for the sex offenders wearing that

shirt and I did a show for them and I had a lot of six jokes and I was very careful what they laugh because they're worried that they shouldn't laugh at rape jokes and things like that right sure so

so when rosy went up she did really well and I had three or four female comedians either cancel or they want to do it because they figured out that it's no I told them from day one okay sounds like a really good gig for a woman

I don't know why would you do that no and I tell you I've done a lot in my day I've been to Afghanistan I've done Saudi Arabia I don't know if I could I think I'd be a little timid I'm glad they're trying to rehabilitate themselves

but I'm not sure I'm their guy so here's my pudding pop would do it oh that's Cosby all the way now that's a prime gig for him you could have gotten Cosby for cheap a bunch of buses got into trouble the trouble

the justice system so unfair yeah I guess my thinking and it's a very minor minority thinking I've been going to Germany a lot wait what's in Germany their way of dealing with six offenders or pedophiles

are even if they assault someone they rather they get some help and they will be charged and they will try to help them but the way we have a system here is there's not even no chance of trying to get help

because you'll be ostracized or you might go to jail so in a really weird logic you're putting kids more in danger because you put enough incentive to punish them that they shouldn't get any help my way of thinking I have a work during a comedy show

and I have a show eventually hoping some community members show them came and watched the show to help because it's better to them getting help not hurting children than hate them so much and they will be

and have them running the streets now it's not a very popular thing to say and I'm always in the minority and stuff like this but I think in the long run I have a faith in that my way of thinking is probably better than

not doing anything about it fair enough but believe me I'm very earful from people does the rehabilitation work in Germany? it seems like it I read several stuff because I go there obviously for like porn and

sex culture and prostitution isn't that your favorite spot? didn't you say Frankfurt was your favorite? one of the best places for prostitution and doingsburg is another good one is it because it's just like

well regulated? it's legal and is it like the Amsterdam where it's like in booths and stuff like that? no it's um I forgot it's in the building so it's not open in public in Belgium and Netherlands

it's like one of those open doors open window so you see prostitutes but I much prefer inside the building so there's a building that you know to go to and um you'll protect them better I'm a little concerned with

Netherlands and Belgium places even though they protect them very well just open in public with cameras and stuff I'm just not sure about that so wait when you get to Frankfurt you know where to go at this point and then is that building

you go in and quite often you have to go stairs like in the floor usually there are between four to five floors and each floor has multiple doors with the prostitutes in there and then do you look at a menu

do you talk to like a madam or something? no there's no madam in Frankfurt there are madam in Athens it's a different system well how would you know if you're in Germany which door do you just randomly open a door? you know where

the red light districts are usually if the doors are closed that usually means there's no one there or they're busy with the customer and if the door is open usually a girl is sitting on the chair standing in front of it so you're getting a show

you can see her already like she's standing and I think if you're going to do something like that it's important to talk to them how much it is how much is it in Frankfurt? it's I guess

it's how low it is 20 euros to 50 do you tell them straight up you're like I want to eat the booty sure if you want to do that that day I'm talking about you I guess so pussy too

but you're like daddy's hungry I don't say daddy but yeah and do they ever say oh I have to use protection they all use protection so you use like a dental dam or something what do you use? what do you mean?

well she's saying protection like when you're going down on I don't put anything and oh so they don't make you use protection for oral stuff I think maybe I had like one or two girls offer that and in that case I said

they're never mine you like to go you know that mountain climber that he doesn't use any ropes totally wearing ropes is so gay either you go up you don't want to have too much safety

Nietzsche said live dangerously well I can't imagine I mean if you're going to do the old mouth downtown to be like oh there's a plastic guard there yeah what's the point it is silly they go study and they always check

my blood the only reason I qualify because it's completely clean that is so deep you're a medical marvel you told me that you've been fucking prostitutes or whatever

doing things with them I never get anything it's like unbreakable and then you're getting like crazy injections and pills you're like a super human so let's go you know what's funny

Rosie Tran kept asking me if I put anything in my hair she says it's dark Jesus how old are you I turned 15 a few months it's gotta be all the chemicals I was losing hair

I'm not joking I was losing hair 3 years ago I don't know what I took it's all that pussy you eat for sure you eat the drug poker pussy makes your hair grow but my hair it doesn't make any sense all my family

males lose hair by late 40s you look great I'm coughing now I might ask you another question about the prostitute thing do you have vaginal intercourse with them yeah I mean anal costs more

how much more it depends on the girl everything is negotiable but when I was in Athens I was kind of shocked because this girl just let me put in a vagina without a condom a hooker did

it's Tom's dream I think it's just crazy oh okay I'm not gonna complain and she was like you have 40 bucks right no it was 20 euros it's so cheap in Athens and where did you meet there's a two area

where there's a ghetto section in Athens where the hookers are 10 euros that's like 12-13 dollars and the rich area is like 20 euros I don't know how many times I went to the 20 euros only greeks only and they'll kick me out

because I'm not white greek or something are you serious? I'm very serious so you would go to the place and they'd be like you gotta get out of here or they do this finger thing so the sign language this is Asian

I think it doesn't bother me no you're not very bothered by those types of jokes or things people who usually like me comedy wise they're white and drunk and slightly racist those are my favorite

they're my favorite audience now were the girls being like get out of here or was it like in Athens what's funny is my friend my friend was working refugee camp in Athens so I went there

so I went there I went there to take advantage of refugees I got you so he was working in refugee camps I went there and I donate by food and give talk about the kids or whatever and during the day I was bored

I was like I wonder what's it's pretty interesting there's so much ever since 10 years ago with the financial crisis unemployment is very high still sure yeah so like

I go to prostitution it's very different like you see a girl that you like the madam's there can I ask you this man when you're in Athens do you start just asking around like are there like district Athens I wasn't expecting and there was one

you said prostitutes, madams there yeah so you go to this area you go in and there's a madam and she said they always say oh no I don't speak English but they always say like

you know fucking suck normal sex 20 years or whatever then they bring the girl out and then you say yes or no but I I was really really shocked by Athens the quality of girls are just unbelievable

high quality are these Greek girls or imports they're like Russian Polish yeah wow you're like a whore whisperer thank you no I tell you how I know because

when I was in the UAE this marine took us to a bar across from the hotel and it was for I was in Dubai too and he goes yeah these are all prostitutes because they were all like white Polish

or Eastern blockers like me not like me but my tribe so that girl that you slept with though regions or whatever they're all great you only have 10 minutes you gotta do your business quick see that's how they turn it's turnover

so they're fucking a lot let me ask you one question back to Frankfurt so you're negotiating with a girl you go in and you're like I would like to go down on you and then I want to have vaginal sex with you and she goes okay so what would that cost let's say sometimes it's the same price

like 30 euro yeah or they'll add more money and if you want bareback blowjob then they'll say like it's 50 or 100 whatever and then you go and I also want anal how much more is anal is what I'm wondering once again dependent girl but I think

average probably 50 more or something 50 that seems fair to me I would pay 50 more backdoor 50 euro more we gotta go on a trip together man where do you want to go excuse me

where should I go with you you gotta do these trip tours for people you're gonna come connoisseur now well you know people got mad because I was pitching this travel idea and originally my travel show idea was starring South Africa

I'm traveling all the way to Norway and the only way I could move from one African country to another I have to fuck one prostitute each time and you move up all the way this is brilliant Northern Africa and then go round Middle East you need to talk to my business manager after this show

let's start the documentary is that what you're saying Africa I maybe want to end in Africa you don't want to start so is the idea that you would spread everything throughout your whole journey get HIV and then you're like I'll give it to everybody

I don't like these shows where the reporters say I'm in X, Y and Z Red Light District but I never have sex with them I don't want to fucking listen to you Yoshi do you know that HIV is rampant in South Africa and it's even higher in Botswana

which would be your next stop right after I want a condom would you have sex with a knowingly HIV positive prostitute if they're like oh you just wear a condom I was thinking about it I'm thinking about it

if it's one of those weird situations what's the weird situation if somebody say we'll give you a million dollars and have sex with somebody with HIV that's not the offer this girl is gorgeous she's your type she's got HIV

I mean it wouldn't bother me if I'm getting blowjob from her you wouldn't even think about it it's very difficult for men to get it from a woman unless she's bleeding out of her body would you check for open sores or anything yeah

I mean I know it sounds really weird but I know a lot of people with HIV and I have this conversation with them it's amazing a couple who are both HIV positive and have a child and she's

she or he is HIV negative I don't understand it but the mother nature have incredible ability to protect children and I know plenty of people I'm sorry but I have news for you America men with HIV with a lot of money they're still having sex with women

and they know they have HIV so that doesn't mean that like the sheen if you're careful you could have intimate meaning for relationship with somebody with HIV you can but that's not something that I actively look for someone

let's talk about this money you offer so you do these medical tests for money if somebody were to offer you $10,000 to give a man a blowjob what about $15,000

no that's cash that's ridiculous I have a higher selfish name than that how about $40,000 come on millions but wait a minute let's think this through Yoshi

because how much do you get paid this sounds like a trick very sincere how much do you get paid to do your medical testing to put yourself your body in physical jeopardy you're injecting yourself full of chemicals that nobody knows the repercussions

I think maybe I don't have the number right but I think I think I got $12,000, $14,000 for one month but I couldn't leave for like one month that's good money what did you do, what did you have to do they inject medication right into my stomach

every other day I can't leave and you know what I hate is it's a lot of scratch though I'm used to scaring me but what I hate is some fucking rookie getting

chance to practice they don't put the needle in the right spot so they have to pull it out like almost like reverse parking until they get the right nerve and like fuck experience one will get in the first time

everything's cool let's rephrase this for this proposal the guy's clean he's not diseased or anything you have to blow him for five minutes $50,000 cash

I wouldn't do that for that kind of money hold on, but you're not being injective if he comes you get another 50 grand cash $100,000 what I don't want to do it so it have to be you know sometimes

you do a job to you and you don't care so only way you might take you make some ridiculous like demand so I'm not into fucking digs and I'm not against anyone doing it I got you

would you ever be a prostitute but for women there's no way they'll be interested in me that's not true that's not true you don't think there's women that are attracted to Asian men they want somebody way

younger than me you could totally play a part crazy rich Asians being Asians is very popular right now nice suit put you some glasses and you can be like I'm a professor I can't take that stuff seriously

so yes Blueban our producer said he has a clip of you here from the last days of August oh yeah did he found something? oh no I don't want to hear it I have not actually

heard my voice in conversation for nearly three years wow that's really that's the behind the scenes thank you wow we also wanted to do this so here's our game

definitely we're really excited about this we know that you you're like the porn whisperer I've been out of it for seven years yeah but I don't know that knowledge never leaves your mind so here's what we did

we pulled the audio of certain strong performers and we wanted to see whether you just listening to them for a clip if you could identify who it is oh no way I thought that you might be able to do this I thought you might be able to get 100%

okay well just listen and we'll do the girls are you going to give me multiple choice or something? no I'm just going to say can you tell by this audio and I'm going to play this clip for you and we'll just let you guess ready? here we go here's clip one

now are these people 4,2012? no this person still after but this person has been in the business probably now we're asking about the female boys right right

you don't know who that is? they're all current they're current but I mean like they're not like brand new if would you like to hear the audio again? yeah wow okay here we go oh my god really digging for that

I see that I see your mind work now does that sound vaginal or anal to you? is she faking it? good question can't fake anal she sounds familiar but take a wild guess who do you think that is?

I don't know right really read? yes it is? wow are you kidding? no way you're making that up no you won we have the picture right there to go with it oh my gosh

when I heard it first her face popped in my head for some reason but I haven't seen her shit in like 2012 but that's how connected you are that's a wild guess that's a wild perfect guess Yoshi is one for one

let's go to number two here really something are you sure you're not making that up? I swear to you close those eyes it is here we go I'm going to guess vaginal on that one too

I think so too can you play it again? I have with pleasure man if you get this one I don't know why but she sounds really tiny girl I like his larger you're in the right place

walk us through it this is like almost like she walks us through your thinking I've heard this person too that's the sad part he's very quiet right now it's like a porn spilling bee yeah it is

would you like to hear the audio one more time? sure this is really something oh my god he's really uh he's digging through shit can you give me a tip

what's the letter of the first name? you want the first letter? it's not really in the um but I'll tell you it starts with the letter K K oh fuck look at his mind he's really digging

I've never seen Yoshi this focused before I'm probably wrong but Krishna wrote it's not it it's Carly Gray I think that's after my time after your time hey look you got your first one right out the gate though

if you could check IMDV I'm pretty sure I've never seen her I don't recognize that name do you want to try the next one so you can get this one let's see if you know this one here oh please wow wow

interesting but you're right not fat but but you can hear the bed squeaking you're thinking that maybe she weighs a bit more when I say big means she's taller right stature can you play it again? sure

why not oh please that sounds anal to me I don't know I don't think I've ever heard of this person you sure this is pretty new or old that I wouldn't I mean I don't think she's old

relatively new I don't know anything I don't really pay attention since 2012 what's the first letter starts with the letter J okay I'm relatively new relatively new one last time

oh please let's just think through it sounds like it's painful right it sounds a little anal it sounds like aggressive yes start with the J does she have a secondary name like you know how the first

let's can we give him a little hint starts with the letter J I've got a clue from Blue Band didn't know this is from okay nevermind J I can't even think of any porn girl with the name

J right now just who's in your mind first name there's a lot of J's out there only name popped up is Ariana Jolie but that's not her that's not her now you knew that it's Janice Griffith

oh yeah that's another new girl another new girl sorry I'm slapping because it's okay but there's a chance you can finish 55 here because this last girl is not new she's been in the business that's what I'm being told okay

so I'll give you the audio okay and you can tell me if you can get this one I would love for you to go two and two okay here we go oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god

oh my god oh my god oh my god wow that was beautiful I'm completely list play it again sorry she's very loud oh my god

oh my god that's vaginal I gotta take a hand what is the letter again a J and she's been around I'll give you the last name initial too

no no guess there it is she was around my time there's no excuse for that one there's no excuse for you we're deeply disappointed but luckily for you the other two I think they're new

let's play the same game with men oh no here we go somebody that you should definitely know are you ready for it to listen here we go that was a great clip look at I think Yoshi knows

he's digging through that wall I can't even tell if it's a white or black I would assume it's a white guy good yes European negative white America fuck

yeah you can hear sounds older he does that you can hear that he's American he sounds old guy is he big he's not old he's white

American but not old but you definitely would know who it is he's not old not super young either not super young and look at that yeah it's like we're

asking for a quantum physics equation or something white go ahead and take a swing at it tell us who you think don't show them yet just give us the first thought

I don't know why James Dean popped up let's reveal you're kidding me no you're making that up fantastic so far it didn't sound right to me because it kind of sound like somebody really

old it sounded like he was having a passionate moment sometimes your voice will change when that happens I'm little taken back by that but guess what you nailed it I'm usually good about showing me dick if it is but sound I can show you a dick and you'll know who it is

prior to 2012 really you just knew them like that I mean I see them 9-10 hours a day so come on right you're saying as an editor wow this is so you're not giving me a retarded help no it's really

I'm really surprised I don't know why he's oops my bad I just had to make that clear for everybody hi mom I am so amazed yeah he knew you want to try the next one yeah okay let's see if you can get this one

is this six-time male performer here at Manuel Ferreira oh no play it again oh don't show it oh that's fine Bill Bailey did you know that? did you know Bill Bailey's work? yeah sorry

what have you been in your guessing trove or no? no okay there's one more don't show them let's see if you can get the last one okay oops let's see here here we go good girl oh

oh mother fuck her play that again? really? sorry I'm sorry Jesus oh mother fuck her

why don't you begok like that that could work on it I need help on this one is this person American or European? man sounds like an American I'm gonna go American yep Potter says American

oh yeah white or black it looks like white play it again sorry I'm probably not gonna get it right god oh mother

fuck mother any guess? wild guess? last guess is this a really big guy or a little white dude? kind of tiny who's in your mind? I'm probably wrong Tommy

Tommy Pisto oh Brian Gosling well I like Brian first of all I haven't watched anything by him so I don't know him he's got don't care

tattooed on his hands I kind of like that cool I'm surprised I'm surprised he works because he I don't know a lot about him but he's really pushing it pushing it? I don't know what you're mean

there's no way I would have guessed him because I don't want you to know but what I've been hearing from people is they call him like one of the max hardcore type of movies oh he's really pushing the women? yeah aggressive

aggressive and like there was always talk like it might be a little problematic for studio to carry his product because really? he pushed to the point where you might get invitation

from the government and things like that what? well I mean that's the rumor you know about this guy yeah I might have seen a couple things I didn't really care for his stuff but um okay you don't have to um

you don't have to humiliate the girl to have a nice scene right because that sounded very aggressive I didn't like the sound of his like this guy's kind of having hardcore fun? like when I used to listen because you know of course I'm comic first

but when they tell me stuff like they grab the girl's head put it down the toilet flush the toilet and all the guys that's hot like I don't like that one I'm talking to myself like guys it's okay to like the girl

you don't have to do that shit you know yeah that's kind of my problem with the pornography today too like I don't really like the aggressive stuff if it doesn't feel consensual it's not exciting yeah and I think this is something you'll hear in that podcast last day of August

sometimes girls I gotta be careful because I'm trying to be fair with them but if your check depends on you having a good time or pretending you had a good time you know you're gonna pretend like everything's cool

Yoshi can I ask you something on your face what did you have for breakfast today why I'm just curious what have you eaten today I had orange banana yogurt and toast that's pretty good breakfast

yeah is this a trick question no I'm just curious about you do you watch television shows yes I do what do you watch I like season 3 how is it fantastic it is

it went back to the classic form of season 1 highly recommended okay I'm gonna watch it it's great Tommy you'll love the documentary on Ted Bundy he tried watching it in bed the other night and I strictly know I stepped away and watched a couple episodes

you did yeah I've watched a few episodes when I was asleep I loved it because I used to live in Tacoma Washington and my uncle a lot of people still think he did it bullshit man he's a good guy and I used to live in Tacoma Washington

my uncle used to be an attorney there so I have to go downtown and deliver documents to the court and sometimes have to deliver divorce paper which is not fun but somebody told me his mother still lives in Tacoma Washington so this is yeah early 90's

maybe late 80's or early 90's so whenever I had to deliver stuff I used to drive our neighborhood kind of see I saw her once walking out of the house cool it's creepy they don't have

on the documentary I haven't finished it because they have it from when that journalist interviewed him and it was in 80 so it's like going into trial stuff still appealing but in

89 right before they executed him when he realized the peels were all he told them stories like in the documentary he's doing this like what if like OJ style thing

like if I did it he's speaking in hypothetical terms they were able to convince him to talk about it finally as third person but in 89 when he realized I'm about to be executed because I understand why there's so many serial killers

up in Pacific Northwest because you're almost running out of the place to run you're in the very corner of it and there's tons of them over there and I think when he was fleeing from all the murders in Utah and Colorado and Washington State

so many he went other extreme to Florida but Florida is big on capital punishment so he made a mistake and what's crazy because he has critical training he's smart he had an option to just accept life sentence and he would have been

I think he was delusional he really thought he could and get out of it he really was like the ultimate narcissist who would you rather have hung out with Ted Bundy or I'll take Yoshi

well you two are like psychopath buddies you and Yosh that was a bigger psycho no no Tom I told Christina before the show last year and a half people keep asking me who's bigger sociopaths of psycho you or Tom I'm not joking

the fuck man that makes sense I beat up my stepmother every where I think I'm a psycho now well she deserved it though she was a bitch for what I understand but Tom's not a psycho a sociopath we'll see

he hasn't hurt anybody yet but the inclinations there you know fair enough are you getting big trouble for saying that we're retarded during the show no I'm not you can use the owl one

I am not Yoshi where do you sleep how do you sleep do you sleep at night it's tough it's tough to sleep yeah I do that are you a very perceptive I'm just trying to figure out what your day to day life is

what do you sleep what are you eating are you brushing your teeth twice a day yeah I don't remember which podcast I said I need a place to stay and my friend run you know my friend

well he's from now but hey you could stay here for a couple of days and that would have been like four years so that ended last July so a lot of couch surfing but it's really weird because in a way

I have so much freedom because as soon as I make money in medical testing I go overseas to shows in like Scandinavia and London I mean I don't make a lot of money but I travel a lot and I don't really worry about seeing something horrible to somebody because I don't have to worry about people

swimming because I have no money to sue it's a really weird way a lot of my friends with a lot of money and homes and family I guess I'm envious of them sometimes because it's nice to have family and Christmas hang out with your kids

sure but you're saying you're free and there's a certain joy in freedom too being untethered to those things yeah and you know sometimes I'll say I want to go to another city to do something they'll send me money this guy sent me a couple hundred bucks

because I said I want to go Denver in April because it's the 20th anniversary of Columbine shooting so I want to go there for the anniversary? yeah so

sounds like a cool trip whenever I plan a trip I don't want to go to a touristy place what would you do on the anniversary though? um I gotta be careful but I'm helping my friend Alex Meyer

she's a writer in England I'm helping her with a project had something to do with mass shooting so I'm working on a project so last 15 years whenever there's a shooting and some gig I'm going they're just having to be shooting

I'll go and visit Sandy Hook and you'll report on it to her? I'm just curious to check out what was the scenario read up on it when I was in Denver last year I went to see a New England Patriots play the Broncos

so I went to Jambane Ramsey's home I went to Columbine shooting I went to the Aurora movie theater but most important I went to Greeley, Colorado the very place where modern terrorism started

so I went there and check it out where? Greeley? Colorado which is the location of what? what happened was there was this political dissident from Egypt they were trying to get him in Egypt so he fled, he was visiting the United States

in the 50s he was so offended by young people dancing with each other in Greeley, Colorado and he became he hated America because of that pop culture and things like that so he wrote

his experience living in United States in Greeley, Colorado and he became the father of modern terrorism he's the figurehead for al-Qaeda, Egyptian Brotherhood ISIS and things like that let's not say that stuff on the show it's not welcome any of you

you are completely retarded so anyway I'll visit there for that sounds lovely so is anywhere you have dates coming up? yeah, where people find you I'm doing a show in Brooklyn

at the platform this Saturday at 8.30pm 1170 Bushwick Avenue this Saturday? go see Yoshi and I don't want to put you in the spot but it'll be cool

if I could do a guest spot one of your shows I'll be around but you're doing yeah, you just have to let us know when you're in what town? when you're doing Tempe and when you're doing Vegas Tempe

those two shows are between my birthday can we maybe get some prostitutes in Vegas or something? alright and the last days of August is on Audible it's also going to be available to the general public in April

we have a show time right now and I'm looking for female comedians if they want to work at Sunday Acres for that show wonderful call to action there yeah good luck I'm sure there's plenty of women that want to do that that's that okay

and with that said Yoshi thank you for stopping by can I do, sorry I'm going to be in Boston Sunday so if there's a place I could watch that Super Bowl let me know I want to thank my friend Mari, Ravi, Chris, Evo, Angel

they were very kind to me and it's nice that they were and where can somebody let you know on Twitter? yeah, Yoshi, Obayashi maybe slow that down Obayashi you want to spell that for the Americans listening? sorry

Y-O-S-H-I-O B-S-N-B-Y-A-S-H-I at Twitter and Instagram they were very kind Johnny Darko and Adrian Chichak you know it's so lovely

you seem happy and I'm glad things are going well for you doing all these projects and thank you for coming back your fans are great, I'm not joking they're great they're always donating money they don't need to but very nice, thanks guys

great to see you Yoshi alright guys, thank you to getting physical after this quick break so excited to bring back the OG producer, a podcast

originator, a pioneer if you will the one and only Red Band hi mommy, hi jean oh my god, I miss you so much I love you so much because I feel like you're so juvenile and that you and I laugh

and I tell them too but I don't know, I like your sensibility, you're so juvenile you're the only guys that I don't feel bad talking about poop and stuff with you don't make me feel bad like we were talking earlier in the conference room about the Seinfeld thing

I think you guys are the only ones that really we're on my side about that for people that don't know Seinfeld had not been to the comedy store in like 30 years and so he came to town he was out to dinner with Sebastian because they're buddies

and Sebastian was like do you want to do a spot like you want to stop in the store and Seinfeld was like alright so Sebastian calls the club and is like Seinfeld's coming and they're of course flipping out Jerry Seinfeld pops in

does a spot, an unannounced spot place goes bananas and then Seinfeld's like there's a little Q&A up here people start asking the most famous comedian of our time all these questions and then Brian

well all the questions people were asking like what's your favorite kind of socks you know like oh I like white socks you know shit like that and then people around me were like somebody asked something crazy and I was kind of buzzed I mean this was like one in the morning

and I was like alright fine Jerry do you wipe your butt standing or sitting down what did you say about my wife like he couldn't hear me and then I yell it again and he goes I'm right next to you you don't have to yell and I'm like

you're not hearing what I'm saying and finally I said it like the third time and he goes oh I wipe standing up of course and then I walk around but like like Sebastian like everyone at the comedy store was with me

I can't believe you're asking didn't he wrap it up after your question no there was like one or two more questions but what's great is somebody recorded it and sent it to me the next day I have it somewhere in like an email somewhere and it's so funny but I mean you have to know

as a big comedian that offering to take questions from the audience is a loaded weapon you know you're going to get a wild card you know someone's going to try to outdo you no not really no I never

I did one as part of a you know an organized Q&A in Toronto at the festival there where they interview you and then the audience a lot to ask questions no I'm not into it I always feel that when comics do that Q&A in like the middle of the sets

they just don't have material so they're kind of just like oh let's just do something else well had Seinfeld done material and then after oh boy why doesn't she tug on my balls at least we know the answer I think that's kind of cool you know

it wipes his butt standing up you know a lot of people don't do that and you got that out of him great work I think that's to be awarded discipline well I don't know I mean this is probably going to be horrible

probably going to hate me for saying this but I feel like the older I get and the more I realize we're all just humans the less hero worship I have and the more I'm just like yeah whatever like I don't who's going to get upset about that I feel like your little

you would be more respectful towards Seinfeld like I think that's really funny and I'd be like yeah he's just a comic like not that he's not very talented and super awesome obviously but I don't I mean why were people upset with you that's what I'm trying to understand because it's immature I talked about poop

I'm a comic and I'm like you know I'm almost like heckling and it's Jerry and they're putting him on like a high pedestal no I would I guess I would do Steve Martin I want to know that answer with Steve Martin but would I do it to Steve Martin? Probably not

I'd probably be like maybe if it's in the hallway or something you know I'm not going to yell you're going to ask him in the hallway hey Steve what's that buddy do you wipe standing up or sitting down like I feel like you're more respectful than I am in that regard

in that regard I don't know I mean that's interesting I'm trying to think of like an example doesn't come to mind you know do you want to ask that question to Jerry Seinfeld I would not have had the balls to but if I were in the same room as that when it happened as you I would have laughed really hard

I've been like oh yes I can go in I just like I'm also the kind that laughed at the class clown you know I there was a guy from Tennessee who farted during one of my lectures when I was studying at Oxford and nobody laughed except for me and like two other people

one of the professors farted no no so we were in a lecture and this guy from Tennessee a friend of mine next to me he goes hey Christina you dare me to fart and I was like fuck yeah dude and he ripped one in the middle of this lecture and it was loud and it reverberated off the plastic chair

and like only like a handful of people laughed and everyone else just ignored it and I was like how we got not going to laugh yeah I mean I think you got to laugh at that in that case yeah for sure a guy farting during a lecture everyone has to laugh at that if you don't laugh at that you're something's wrong with

yeah yeah you're like British or something right yeah I've dated a girl though that was against farts and against poop and like my girlfriend now loves it it's her favorite thing when I fart like she doesn't get grossed out favorite thing like she thinks it's hilarious like like if we're spooning and I fart on her crotch you know

she's laughing her ass off instead of like most girls like are you fucking kidding me yeah like shit like that sounds like marriage material we saw a girl who would eat the farts yeah yeah yeah I know a girl in Orange County that just does fart porn and fart stuff

you know a girl yeah I met her at avian like three years ago and I was just going they have like all these booths yeah in Vegas like the adult video awards whatever and she had fart porn and like I forget her name but god bless her but yeah and that's all she does is farts in like

like farts while sex like farting dirty panty farts yeah it's a real lane that is that is a lane yeah and it's like you're doing it already why not get paid for it right there's there's a market there too I don't understand why people don't think that because like poop emoji is one of the biggest

things in the world right now like if I went to the grocery store wow and they were selling poop emoji like stuffed animal type thing sure we have a pillow at our house a poop emoji yeah that's ridiculous that my mom is going to a grocery store and seeing poop every night that's I think that's great yeah I think so

take that stigma away now your girlfriend how long have you been together three years oh wow do you think you will get married one day absolutely yeah I mean we're not in a rush though there's no reason to do it like but yeah that's fucking fart on these fucking swiss cakes eat over

wow wow sounds like we're maturing a little well you you're gonna marry her fuck yeah yeah I like that answer she's like we haven't even had her first fight yet you know in three years I've never dated anyone where we haven't like gotten

fights like at least once a month you know sure what does she think of your you know you're dating your ex girlfriends is she well that's the best thing about her because I've met her and she was kind of a fan like she's seen every single Rogan podcast every single your mom's house death squad

like she knew me through and through yeah and then I met her and when we first started meeting like I was like kind of nervous like about my past you know and she goes oh I know everything about you and I'm like that's right you do know everything about yeah like everything about me more than people that I've been friends

with for ten years you know you're thinking about what a remarkable like what a remarkable journey and story yours is how crazy it is where you are like you know I mean oh yeah I mean because that because from what I remember like wasn't it that you had met Stan hope

and you were doing some like vlogging or something for yeah I met Stan hope first before Rogan I believe yeah and I used to do his website I designed his website and then you're living still in Ohio Ohio yeah this was just me because I learned I learned how to do websites like

the first year AOL came out you know okay and well and no one knew how to make websites back then you know how old are you just to this was probably when I was like 25 24 maybe less earlier than that and

yeah so I would like reach out to people I like like Doug Stan hope and Rogan and like hey you know if I can help you in any way and so I would go to shows and film Doug Stan hope and make little videos for him which are really good at yeah that is and this was before YouTube though like yeah I know but I've seen like

your editing rhythm and tone and choices it's very you have a skill man thanks man but yeah and so back then you didn't have like videos on your website like it was unheard of because everyone had modems so I was really good at

shrinking videos to really small so you could have them on websites so I did it for Stan hope and then Rogan saw I was like I want you to do my videos you know so then Rogan started flying me out and then one day you know Rogan just hired me and moved me out to California to do it full time yeah the videos at first videos

so you do a few of them he's like this is good yeah yeah yeah and it was great because you I don't know if you remember the story I was working at gateway computers at the time and when I got when Rogan hired me I had to put my two week notice and and I was like hey you know can I talk to you I need to talk to you to my general manager and he

goes you know actually I need to talk to you also I'm like what the fuck and he goes gateway is closing so here's a severance package here's three thousand dollars and like I'm like well he's like what do you want to talk about nothing you know it was just how it lined up it was really magical you know and then

moved out here with a girl I dated for 11 years you know and then what yeah I was engaged and then you know it was weird like I did you know that right like no I know I didn't know you prior to like I only knew LA red band well I don't know your history

this is actually really funny so I moved out with this girl and you know we've been dating so long she moved to California with me she started giving me an ultimatum like hey you know we've been dating 10 years we got to get married I'm you know right because in Ohio years that's like a lifetime yeah yeah but Rogan was so

anti-marriage yeah he wasn't married he didn't you know like he was against marriage so I had to hide my he probably had like bits about oh he did all his bits and about having kids we don't need any more kids you know go on the free go on the four 05 at five o'clock in the afternoon you need duplicates you know he's to have

like all his whole material is about not getting married and having kids how funny and so I had to hide it and then we ended up breaking up because she's like funny she's like I know you're hiding it from Rogan like you're not you're like ashamed and and then like how I got how we got engaged was embarrassing like because like she knew it was coming

so I wanted to try to like hide it so she didn't like was surprised because she knew I was going to ask her to marry me or marry you know at any moment did you put your butt no it's more embarrassing I went to a pf Chang we went to pf Chang's I was just like you know any anytime like

she's not going to expect it if we're just going to pf Chang's right and so I'm in the car and we're about to go inside I'm like hey you want a piece of gum and she goes no we're about to eat and I'm like no no you want a piece of gum right and she goes no let's go and then I'm like would you marry me in the car with a parking lot of pf Chang's and she's like

real yeah okay all right and then there was like an hour wait and she's like crying in the way oh I got you want some egg rolls right my boyfriend the question the pf Chang's parking lot how romantic I know what a

romance I was just thinking of like shocking her uh when you break up so you the engagement ends you get that ring back usually don't but she gave it back to me and nice girl and yeah but except that like you know I had to borrow this money to buy it I was making when I first moved out here I wasn't

making any money at all and I was living in Calabasas because I was like Joe where should I move he goes you're really like Calabasas yeah single young guy and so uh and then when I gave it to my mom she's like I'm like mom you know I got the ring back and you hold it

because I think I'll lose it did you ask your mom if she would marry you no no I should have done that that would have been good good boobs but uh then my mom's house got broken into like a year later and they stole the ring somewhere oh fuck man so you're doing that you're doing like kind of uh website

stuff with him and then you don't you suggest the podcast well how does that work well we were really into doing this thing called Justin TV back in the day before you used no before it's twitch now uh and they reached out to us

and go hey we got this new thing where you could like stream live video and I was like this is sweet so I used to put the laptop in the green room to try to get Joe and Joe ideas to like talk on it and stuff like that and Joe is kind of into it like he liked it Joey Diaz hated it though like like one time

Joey bent my finger backwards he's like turn that fucking thing off okay okay you know like he hated it for some reason and then like me and Rogan were like we should just like do this like you know like once a week at Joe's house and so we did it like three or

four times and then people are like you should like make this a podcast and so we just started taking the audio from like these new stream videos and putting make them podcasts and then like after like episode 10 we're like we should invest in microphones and like like yeah so like every week would buy new

equipment yeah that's why like if the first maybe 30 episodes every week sounded different yeah and I had no idea how to do audio shit I mean I'm definitely on one of the first 10 yeah yeah I remember sitting on that um couch in his office hey do you remember you were with

us in San Francisco when we did one of the live streams in the green room I think probably yeah like the first time I met you yeah what year is this like oh nine yeah oh wow yeah okay and I remember um I remember sitting on Joe's couch I always tell him because

uh he'd be like come on sit forward man I was like in my backyard you know because you have to like lean yeah I wanted to sit back right and then I was like I remember walking I would walk out with Brian I'd be like what the fuck was that yeah feels weird like why are we guys doing this it was so weird

it's foreign yeah he's like ah yeah you know just I go our people listening to this he's like yeah I think so yeah because it was just starting right but it went fast though I'd probably say every week we're getting like 10,000 new people though and then that's yeah then it around

like episode 10 or 20 it's just well this is serious you know yeah it was crazy how fast it happened though but the whole time I mean for years I would be on the road with Joe and every time we were in radio doing radio stations like morning radio every time he would

just sit there for like three hours usually you go in do your dates get the fuck out of there and every time he was having so much fun all the the DJs were like this is the best episode we've ever done of you know our radio program yeah we used to always go you need to do this you know for a living

he was really yeah he can talk he can talk that's that's a thing talk he can engage in conversation yeah yeah yeah that's true that's true why so also you know we would be there when I would do those shows you know he's there Joe's famous now for like the famously long podcast right and I would

always be like you know like after like that 80 minute mark I'd be like are we still going yeah you know and then you end up doing sometimes these three hour podcast but it's always because he could drive it right that long yeah there's there was many episodes where

I just set cross-eyed like after like the second hour I'm like how how is it are we still going you know like yeah but then when you're on his show it just goes by so fast yeah so engaging and like you get sucked into like what's like a different form now I mean I feel like

back then you I don't know it's like a comedy podcast and now it's like a serious that's a conversation though so you just like I feel like the way it's done now is the way to do it and some of those some of those early years are about

figuring out how to do it you know yeah yeah I was I used to feel like we were more trying to put something on for it and like now I just feel like we're just talking yeah yeah that's those are the best ones yeah I agree 100% yeah I'm not even trying were you so were you always

a techie kid growing up well my dad was an engineer and so like I grew up instead of playing with toys a lot just playing with my dad's like electronics like circuit boards and soldering irons and shit like that and so I think because

my dad he made me techie and then he bought me a computer like when they first came out and so I always had computers and I was always trying to learn how to do everything and to me it was fun it was because I was such a video game guy that when computers got big like building my own computer and stuff

I just yeah I guess I've always been a techie guy and now it's just out of control like I have like an addiction to technology it's ridiculous you're always like since I've known you you're the guy who day one you're unboxing the new shit yeah yeah yeah now I

what's the hottest shit what should we be buying right now hottest shit right now yeah let me see one of my friends just showed us a google home that was pretty cool google homes cool I mean I have all the other ones like I have the amazon alexa's and those I have

the home pod home pod and I use that thing like twice yeah it's not the best I don't like serious stupid but alexa's smart yeah the only bad thing I don't like is that I have one next to my bed and I didn't know I had a camera in it and then one day I just came into my room and the camera was on

I'm like why is there's a camera why is this camera on so now I'm kind of freaked out did you hear about like what's going on right now with FaceTime on your phone there's a bug where if I FaceTime you and before you answer if I add a second person if I add myself to it

like if you type in your own phone number it will turn on your phone and you could listen in to whatever's on the phone or the camera would pop up and you could see what's going on without even the person doing anything on the other hand oh it's kind of a serious bug it's a suit really yeah apple's getting sued because I guess somebody did it

while like in court and heard like the other persons like Jesus and they just just they just they stopped it somehow like Apple stopped it but it's so you can't do it now but for like weeks you could do that so that's really creepy yeah well what's the future red ban

what's the next big thing VR VR yeah that needs to catch up a little bit more but being able to like you know feel like you're sitting right next to me during this podcast and just like look over you know but you can kind of do it now we've tried so many times with like kill Tony

and other podcasts I've tried but it's you know it's not there yet where it feels like you're really sitting there kill Tony blew up man you guys are killing it with that yeah yeah it's it's getting real real crazy yeah that's great and you guys are going to do a European tour yeah we're next in two weeks we're going to

uh Ireland Manchester London doing that whole thing it's awesome man yeah I can I've never have you ever been over there yeah yeah how bad is that flight though that's not that bad it's not take a xanax I need to get xanax I don't have a sanny guy you can call a doctor guy

doctor guy really oh yes I could legally get it yeah just sleep you wake up you're there have a drink watch some movies eat an edible actually I wouldn't recommend you know I had a bad edible I had a bad edible on the way to Australia once and that is a long

like you start you have a full panic yeah and you're like oh I only have 14 more hours yeah it's it's rough I wouldn't do that but I would Diaz gave me a couple edibles once and I thought it would be a good idea like I'd knock out I was in the middle seat it kicked in I thought I was panicky dying going to the

bathroom every 10 minutes excuse me can I go to the bathroom no good splashing water on my face the fuck it's terrible that was a nightmare yeah you don't want to do that but you do you can sleeping pill yeah yeah alcohol a little wine make some nightquel there you go yeah yeah it's not that bad man yeah

yeah how long will the whole trip be for you guys I think I'm there for like five days that's good yeah well I was going to I booked all these other shows and I was going to stay there and another week and in Edinburgh or whatever Edinburgh yeah

but then at the last moment I was like you know what I'm already gone for five days I'll just come back you know in the summer or something like that cool yeah yeah you proposed to your girlfriend are you taking are you taking propitia why do you have such a nice I've always had this I just use your hats

I mean what are you hiding this shit for I don't like to be noticed I like I always like to have my hat on I don't know if you ever notice I always have my hat on I always like to try to hide and why why what's the hiding from I've always been that way I don't know why I've always been like the

outsider look at this hair I know it's so lush too much full are you are you your hair you're right hairy back and everything the back's not that bad chest is full yeah right because splotchy it's a lot I have a question for you how

soon after you make a bowel movement can you get into sexual play well I mean I I don't think I've ever done it or I think right away I mean what what what wipes pretty much you know well

you're still on wet wipes well what do you guys use are you kidding me you don't have oh no I don't have the fancy the total watch let a watch that's what you need to get I was gonna by the way fire I texted you the other day if you had a squatty potty yeah because I was gonna buy

you guys one but then I remember you had this toilet and I was like they're not gonna throw it away well no we have a squatty potty in addition to the total watch let but we're not into it yeah I don't we have we have one yeah and it's you don't get you don't like that I don't like it I don't mind it

I I mean it's cool it's not my favorite thing but I mean I've used it I'm addicted to it really if I'm in a hotel room and I go fuck I don't have my squatty potty stuff to make one had a trash can and stuff like that put those feet up yeah I've bought squatty potties for like five different comics

you know like like Don Barris and yeah Sondra and like I just buy him if I find out they don't have people don't have yeah that's real nice that watch let is the way to go man yeah what are you doing well I actually was looking into it but then I found out you have to put power to it you have to get like a

electrician in yes I mean it's just a lot it's not I don't own the place so it's like why am I that's true but man once you have that sweet stream of warm water cleaning up your beautiful raisin cake you're ready I love it so you don't even

use wet wipes anymore no no and I actually I kind of get shit to shower more now because I will dump and then just let that stream run mm-hmm for like two minutes which is essentially the shit to shower concept yeah

yeah and then like you wipe and there's nothing there yeah I still do shit to shower but I total wash let first oh yeah a lot but then I don't even go to wipe I just know that the totos taking care wow how that is a bold and raisin yeah you're like oh I'm sure there's

no I'm sure there's no chocolate well because I've run it for a good amount of time and I feel confident that it's out so speaking of why have you masturbated with your toilet yet because you know women know sorry Tom you know how women like sit in the bathtub

and have like water on them yeah I always wondered if people just you know Brian my toilet is splattered with his browns like there's shit caked on the upper inner realm it's not a good place that's not fair

it is true though it's not caked with shit it's caked for cuckoos yeah how many how many times a week do you or how many times a week do you have diarrhea me yes never never never it's been months since I've had diarrhea go ahead well now

I would say I'm good for a couple a week yeah really yeah a week well back in the day I would say okay back in the day I would say like 5 or 6 days a week oh okay and then when I really

started eating more like cutting much more sugar out big change big effect yeah now I still I'm not a big drinker I still will you know like I got sick a week but that's not I'm not always sick right so I got sick that was

fucking just torrential down like a tropical forest of shit but tropical shower but this is I would say on a regular week there's a couple like whoa what was that but that's you know a few a week well I'm sorry Yana I forgot

I had Korean food for lunch one day and then for dinner Japanese you had bad you had a bad experience and I had a messy brown the next day but it wasn't diarrhea it was just really hot and messy yeah I have I have I think I'm good for at least two a week

what about you well I drink so you have to put that in sure and probably say like four a week maybe and are they usually the morning after like a big booze night or something yeah usually that and it's like fart like it just explodes like a

bomb like like it almost it almost feels like a turds coming out and then a fart goes in the middle and blows it apart whole thing goes away like a suicide bomber yeah what was that was that a real one what is that

that's cash river oh that's snappy oh that's oh that's a good one that's so nap is that what you sound like it's more violent than that more violent than that

I'll record it for you I think I really think I have IBS is that what's called yeah because I mean it's it's power like you want to check that out or no nah I kind of like it no you kind of like IBS no I kind of like just having it come out really fast you know

blue fan really likes this idea yeah wait but it's probably the drinking I'm gonna go yeah what are you drinking hard alcohol yeah yeah did you find did you feel like real you know beef when you met blue band

oh shit I didn't know he was a real person this whole time I always thought he was just that eagle well yeah representation representation of him yeah that's cool but Metamucil I don't know if you ever taken that did you

talk about Metamucil before I'm sure we have okay because I I couldn't remember who told me about it and then one day I was like I saw it at the store like I think Tom and Christina talked about this and I bought it it is it's magical it is great yeah the only thing with Metamucil is that when you

have to go it's an emergency you better be near a toilet right you can't hold it in right so you got to kind of plan your day you gotta plan like eight hours after you take it yeah you know what I haven't had lately though like maybe a year is a Loch Ness shit you know like one of the ones

that you're like how is this not broken apart you know like I used to get those at least once a month at least but those are for healthy you need to be eating I think it's healthy don't you Loch Ness dump where he's saying it's like the Loch Ness monster it's long the real long

one you're like how is this those don't come that often either yeah I used to get him a lot though really yeah I think when you if your diet's clean you'll see that more yeah it's good eating yeah no drinking some salads yeah and I found it's also if I really

get jacked on caffeine if I drink like white lightning like I get real weird and then I hold in the duty for a while and then it'll be like a long one oh really it's a really nice story too how many times you guys go to bathroom per day because I think mine is out of control I mean really

what's your average day I would say seven times I took a shit no you're every day you need to go to a doctor really yeah yeah are you being truthful I'm being truthful how much blood

not as much anymore but when I started keto that kind of went away so I'd probably say once a month no like three times a month you have some serious blood yeah but it's all in a row like because it's it's a hemorrhoid yeah sure you see the red on the

paper oh it's all over your hand it's soaking through the hand that's not normal it's good to recycle your blood though I thought you know what's funny you haven't seen a doctor have you had no self-care do you know that now

they changed they changed the American medical association changed the suggested age for a colonoscopy yeah you know that yeah I moved it to 45 well I had one like four years ago and they were like things

are cool yeah they said everything like I got a full physical guy colonoscopy like you got a colonoscopy or like yeah with finger in me that's not a colonoscopy that's when the GI specialist goes in with and checks you out with a camera and like they flush you

under yeah yeah yeah oh no no this is the one where they put like some kind of weird thing to open up my butt and they looked inside and what yeah the physician didn't do that to you yeah that's when that's when they found out at internal hemorrhoid and they did the rubber band litigation or whatever it's called where they tie

your rubber band around your hemorrhoid really yeah that was the worst thing that's ever ever done to kill the hemorrhoids yeah and you're supposed to come back like two more times but after the first time I was like no I'm never doing that again it was the most pain I ever had in my life really it felt like somebody was pinching the inside

of my asshole like just like non-stop and there was nothing you could put on it like I tried doing pain relief it was just like getting a a titty twister in your asshole where was this doctor was this in Koreatown or was it somewhere special

okay here's a funny so you ever do those like 24 or not 24 seven times a day you're shitting yeah yeah you're sick no yeah it's healthy to poop not seven times a day something's wrong really every day's

like this yeah really yeah like I got through a wet wipe every two days like a package wait speaking of wait let me what do you think of this because we're talking about what are you things going on with this wiping technique right here okay pull this up what was this guy doing

just if you can watch okay hold on it's all in the shadow work but look look how he's going back and forth I don't understand and back and forth oh my god I don't understand what I'm saying right

right it's weird maybe smelling it I think he's doing back and forth and back I think he's passing the paper around left hand right hand oh my god like a basketball or like a ball it's it's hard to see

maybe it's just a crazy person too I think he's doing rapid checking well he's like is there still chocolate there and he looks and he looks oh that was a multiple that is weird that's crazy

I have low blood pressure sounds like there's a lot of good things going on healthy as a horse my physical is like you just need vitamin D that's it but I have low blood pressure they've always told me I had low blood pressure and so I try to do one of those DNA tests where you have to prick your finger

and then put five spots on that piece of paper and I couldn't get any blood out squeezing it and squeezing it you couldn't get blood out? I couldn't and I tried multiple fingers I tried getting my finger warm so then I just waited until I had a blood

toilet thing and then I just used that oh god you used your asshole blood? damaged you used your ass blood there was a lot when you wipe it's all over your hand when it's wiped it's all over your hand sometimes it's really bad

pools of blood it's like my whole hand it's just red I think you need a psychiatrist now I've talked to Ari everything's fine do you live at a shelter now? yeah what is going on with you? do you guys

don't have internal hemorrhoids? no I've seen a little streak before I think that's just dry wiping maybe but pools of blood oh my hand's soaked it's like I murdered somebody

my hemorrhoid my girlfriend she calls her hemorrhoid pinky she went to go get it checked out and they're like oh no you have a very small one you can just keep that one mine is a pretty decent sized one why are you getting these?

I'm glad that you're pushing a lot is that hard to believe or something? I don't know I've had it for a while from pregnancy I feel like my hemorrhoids went away because I eat a pretty decent diet

and I don't push out the browns I don't think they go away they shrink and if you're eating clean though you'll feel way less right now my guy is cool but maybe in a month he'll come back out

he'll fill a bubble inside of me and it just takes a hard turn to pop it can we do the updated physical again? yeah I need to well yeah now once you're in your 40s you should do a yearly physical

that's the normal thing that's the healthy thing to do alright promise man you guys make me feel bad we're just grownups you're an adult you gotta act

you're a grown man this guy's got pools of blood not every day Ari does it too he's got problems Ari goes to the doctor doesn't he? I think he goes out as much as me no I think Ari actually

deals with the problem I don't know he sends me text photos of his wipes and it's just like blood we would just always send each other back and forth whenever we had our blood moon

to see if we were synced up and sometimes we both had it at the same time wow that's really neat I feel like Red Band really he's got a prolific dating history

there's a lot of girls that were like like special girls you did some porn girls what was that like for you? porn girls well they were lesbian porn girls

so it was a little bit better cause they're not getting drilled by guys yeah exactly it was kind of hot so you were turned on by it? because the whole thing about when you really get into that world

you kind of discover that this is their job so did it feel like it was robotic that they were like I shot a scene with this girl today it was 100% like that so it wasn't like this oh my god that's so hot because it's like a show they put on there was nothing sex

you have in your head like porn stars and when you actually see what they do you're like wow this is really bullshit and fake they barely ever come but they act like they're coming and shit like that I thought it would be really jealous

and crazy about it but it wasn't as bad as I thought the only time I ever got jealous is when she's like well I have a photo shoot with this dude on top of a building I'm like who's this guy if she's doing he would be the photographer

because those guys are always trying to fuck the girls so that's the only part that I hated about the whole thing I ended up dating a couple of them and then I dated a boy girl porn star and that was hard

so wait tell us about that how does that go? well I'll tell you one of the worst things so she was known for getting drilled bad to vaginal and anal

well this is an anal day let me ask you this before you even get to the story would there be is it the kind of thing where like Sunday you know that she's working Tuesday and Thursday that week you know what I mean was there build up to things?

she worked every day I don't want to say who she is anymore the girl was one of the top girls and she was working multiple movies every single day she's still doing it? that's why I don't want to talk about it but she was known for getting drilled

she was known as one of the more extreme girls kind of like an asa akira in a type girl so she had an anal day and usually do you know this the day before? no I think I knew this that day I was like what happened tonight?

I got fucking the ass by two guys but I was so dead inside in this relationship I don't even know how I did this and usually she would come home and like shower she had like a thing in her shower that actually just cleaned her asshole out

kind of like a douche stick I don't even know what it was called it was just connected to the shower she got off and she's like pick me up and we went to Slash's house of Guns N' Roses because she was friends with his wife

at the time before they got divorced and Slash's house is this huge mansion half of it is just a nightclub it's just like being in a nightclub they have full bouncers, bartenders, djs he's like 60? yeah it was ridiculous

and we decided to do Molly she had never done ecstasy before so she's like let's do ecstasy and let's see what happens with all these rock stars right yeah I know so we do ecstasy she's never done it before

she's just like I wanna fuck so bad I'm so horny and I'm like let's go outside we go outside and there's a sign like do not go past this gate you're not allowed going up this so we go past the gate and it's his pool area and there's this big bush by the pool and we go in the bush to hide

and I just start eating her ass out and I forgot about the what she did that day before and and and I'm eating her butt and she's like oh my god I can't feel my butt

and I was like I can't feel my mouth and she accidentally fucking farts a shit into my mouth and I go and I taste it you know how like how you it's in my mouth at this point and I'm like I don't want her to know that she did this so I blew it

back into her butt and then I start wiping my face off on her butt and I remember she just had smears all over her butt she couldn't feel that I blew it back into her and then I drank pool water because it was so disgusting I'm traumatized

well thanks for stopping by God God man I need a minute Jesus Jesus just when you think the show can't get any crazy

you thought Uncle Terry was bad you just bring Brian right I didn't think the bar could go that high you thought we would like the story of the woman I thought you would like this kind of shit into your mouth and then you pushed it back into her asshole

yeah was there a was there was there I didn't even realize your shirt me like poop fart was there CUM on the poo

what I couldn't see because it was so dark do you taste it that was the weird thing I felt familiar how do I know it maybe I had a bad wipe and itched my nose at one point or in my lip

I was like this is a familiar taste and what did brown taste like god damn it that might have been the most perfect drop ever at this moment I can't remember what does brown taste like you never told her the rest

you never told her the story she had to know something I know who it is she had to know what something happened because she put on her clothes and her butt had like I wiped my but I did fuck her

and then after that at that moment I grabbed some pool water swished my mouth out and started fucking her in her butt I was on molly man I had no idea what I was doing

I forgot about drugs and then you guys went back to the party and she had smeared all over her not on the outside of her pants but I didn't really check I just remember when she put it up I was like wow that's a lot of shit I think Mortons might pull out a sponsor

after this one wait what's your show about oh my god zip recruiter I'm like I'm wiped from that story I think I need a nap after that I'm pretty tired

I mean have you never I guess never mind guys have any dental updates I need to go to the dentist it's been a while actually I have to get a cleaning done I gotta get a couple teeth replaced my two front teeth are fake

yeah mine too because of all my IBS acid reflux it's just burnt the teeth I think it's acid reflux or reflex it's reflux alimentary so your two friends are they totally fake

or they're veneer they're half totally fake one of them, my right one is like this is a temporary you have a 20 year old you have a temp tooth how is that thing lasted dental it doesn't

does it fall out just show me that one's a temp bra you gotta go I don't have dental insurance nobody does why does no one have dental insurance

it's kind of a rip often do you need it you just skip a new that's true you gotta go to doctors and dentists everything you didn't tell the doctor that cool story you guys are like

in shock right now don't feel bad it's a great story it's real beautiful did you watch the fire fest docs? I watched both of them I only seen the netflix one I highly recommend watching the hula one

the hula one's way more interesting really? the hula one's the only one that interviewed the main guy throughout the whole thing and it's very interesting seeing his side of it it is? I heard he's a total psycho he is but it's still kind of cool

cause the other one you just see clips of him walking in doors where this one you're actually he kind of talks about it it still makes you hate Ja Rule though well that was my question is that how did he come out of this pretty unscathed does that guy took the rap on all of it?

yeah I don't get that part I don't know if you've been following Ja Rule on his twitter though it's kind of interesting what's he saying? I don't know he's been posting things and then deleting them I think it's like a snuff fraud

have you been following soldier boy? yeah a little bit he pretty much went to this website where you can buy these fake video game consoles they're not fake but they play stolen software you can buy one that has every single Nintendo game on it

and it's like 20 bucks on this Chinese website you can buy like 100 of them if you want so he bought a bunch of them slapped his name on it and called it the soldier boy video game system charges like $150-$250

it's just selling pirated software on them and Nintendo is suing him for something like 2 weeks later but he's selling all this crap on his website that's just all these knockoffs he's selling like a fake Apple watch what is happening?

so I'm thinking like how is he selling all this stuff? doesn't he have money? and then I realized he's always holding up stacks of money on the same website you can buy fake stacks of money and you know it's not illegal to buy it it's illegal to try to use it

but you can walk around and hold this money all you want that's a big thing now holding the stacks phone call with the stack flex with the stacks you should get a couple stacks great idea

yeah we've all seen it now but for people that haven't there's a great part in this film where they're talking about for people that don't know Firefest was this catastrophic failure of a music festival

that was that they Job Rule was a partner in it and they attempted to host this on a Bahamian island with no infrastructure and bring in some of the top music acts and you know they promoted the hell out of it they sold out tickets in advance

millions of dollars in revenue and basically nothing was ready of course for this because they tried to make it happen in just a few months as everything was falling apart they realized some of the basic needs weren't ready

to go for instance there was a huge semi full of bottled water that was like stuck at a port or you know some customs person and I guess word was that the guy in charge was gay so the guy

who was running this fest asked one of his consultants to actually go and visit him I think this is a clip we have of that Did Andy ever tell you how he had to get the water out? Oh yeah Did Andy tell you about how he had to get the water out?

Yeah it was like fucking crazy I'm not going to talk about that Let me tell you something we had four containers filled four 18 wheeler trucks filled with Evian water

but I had left the week before for two days for meetings in Bermuda for the America's Cup and when I came back I had missed the big meeting with customs and of course customs had said to Billy and the gang you need to pay us $175,000 in cash today for us to release the water

I went down well Billy called me I'm going to speak completely this won't go that far I'm sure but Billy called and said Andy we need you to take one big thing for the team and I said oh my gosh the team every day said well

you're our wonderful gay leader and we need you to go down will you suck dick to fix this water problem and I said Billy what? he said Andy if you will go down and suck

Cunningham's dick who's the head of customs and get him to clear all of the containers with water you will save this festival and I literally took a shower I drank some mouthwash I'm like oh my gosh I'm really and I got

into my car to drive across the island to take one for the team and I got to his office fully prepared to suck his dick but he couldn't have been nicer and he's like Andy listen I will release all the water I will let you serve it but I want to be one of the first people to be paid

this import fee for what you're doing and I said okay great and I got back and I had all the water that we needed oh my god the best clip ever I mean yeah that guy from customs I'm sure is happy to have that out there

of course what were you saying when we were talking about this yesterday how he was like you want me to what remember no I don't remember he doesn't seem to hesitate too much oh yeah well yeah he didn't even have at least in this story

he's not like deeply troubled he was just like suck a dick alright just go down and suck a stranger's dick he's like you want to do what, what time is it he's like I went home I took a shower I put some mouthwash

I went there to suck the guy's dick would you suck someone's dick well hold on hold on there's a lot of money involved well hold on 20 grand seriously

$100,000 no that's not much money 100 grand in cash that's a lot of money you could buy why are you saying 100 grand it's not a lot of money because 100 grand is not a lot of money

what are you talking about you have 100 grand sitting around yeah Rockefeller but to me that's not enough money to suck a dick okay I would say do you think I offer 100 grand no Jesus man

would you I knew you would but I mean 200,000 do you suck a guy's dick I would say maybe a million but probably not fuck that's easy

for how much 250 grand no that's your hand I don't want to even be there you don't want to be there but you've got a quarter million dollars that's too gay for me man I don't like that gay shit you jacked the guy off onto the back of your knee

I don't even like being in the locker room at 24 hour fitness you're that homophobic I'm not homophobic I've always been like that like in gym class elementary school or high school I just skipped the whole locker room I'm not like Burke Christchurch

where I'm taking off my shirt no one's that fat I know what you mean I don't think he needed the gig that bad you know what I mean he was an established person in his career he's not like a young this guy?

that's kind of weird it's different I know but it's like you would have thought that this question the person who's like alright is like 18, 19 right just young and reckless this is like a gentleman

you know this guy is like well I think honestly he's just playing a little character right there like I bet he has a boyfriend or something but to him he was like fuck yeah I'll suck a guy's dick I think it's just it's also permission to do something like that you know it's like well I'm doing it for the

my business like the boss man asked me to like he thought that guy was cute anyways maybe I can't believe red bands like nah $40 million I barely like you would you for $250,000

jack a guy off Tom you would not do that no but I mean you would not do that why would you I know Burt would Burt would yeah Burt likes hanging out with guys that's his whole thing

like parties and I barely like hanging out with guys would you jack a guy for half a million dollars $500,000 to jack a guy off cash it's not that serious you jack yourself off what's the difference

put your hand on another dude's thing I'd probably do it for $500,000 jack a guy off you gotta spit in your hand obviously but that's not like $500,000 would be fine and then you just rub the there's not gonna be a guy that's gonna walk in this room right now

I hope it's our new sponsor there you go you wouldn't you rub it in like you rub the jizz in to like your stomach but then you're done you rub the jizz in your stomach yeah

that's a different level that's not that big of a deal you're not eating it it's not in your eyes is it filmed no do I get to pick the guy you get to pick out of you have options

there's like five options I met Brad Pitt the other day I've been hanging out with Brad Pitt you've been hanging out with him no if I had options if I had like one of each race and I could choose really you're going on racial

I'd rather do an Asian guy because I could look at him and think my girlfriend and I got to his office and look at his hockey stick okay would you blow or jack off the Asian guy jack off an Asian guy

there was just one there was just no there was just one right there I wish we could have arranged that we just have to get a sponsor no it's weird because like if it's an Asian guy like a Korean I could probably do it way easier

yeah easier oh Jesus sorry did you hear it I just farted a little one we had Zanku again for lunch you had a good fart no it wasn't good it was little you're the fart supremacist

you won't try the fart mic at all times I try all the time that's true I wish I had one right now I know so do I you could be the first guest ever to use the fart mic can I lay on your side to make it come out it gets guaranteed

when I'm in bed if I flip from the right to the left you're shitting seven times a day yeah how can you not produce a fart at that level I've said twice already today I woke up at 10 a.m. telling you man

I have some would you rather for a Brian Redban let's do it okay go ahead what was that that was Terry that was Terry all slowed down so would you

would you jack a guy off for 500,000 no oh come on that's half a million dollars an Asian not like Kyoshi too I'm talking about like a clean one a nice Asian guy 500,000 dollars

I mean the only reason I would do is just so I can move yeah you can move on 100,000 dollars where are you moving to yeah you can there's a house right next to my like this run down house it's a two bedroom one bath run down house

the woman had Alzheimer's it was all nasty they kind of remodeled a little just repainted it and I was like it's for sale I'm like that house can't be that expensive it's just a small little shack 1.4 million dollars right okay but you're saying to buy a house yeah I'm just saying to move and

rent that's doable this guy's got to be Asian now in the scenario no no no you could choose the race I just chose Asian because I ever because I think it would be easier why would it be easier because I feel like you're just doing sound bites

no I'm not I was just trying to hear your rationale for it no I just think that would be easier than doing it what would you what race would you do the black guy no that would be my least of all the races why is that there's half a million dollars that's too scary for me a black

yeah that's but it's a hand job I mean you know how you know how like the hairless this Asian guy would probably be and then what what is the black guy covered in hair you know yeah purple veins and I should like that oh that's great did you get it

we heard it but we weren't on you ah which race would you choose I mean I don't think I would do something like that five hundred thousand dollars you wouldn't seriously I don't think so just jack off just a hand job I know but I mean this theater tour is going pretty

well yeah but no it's not filmed yeah that is half a million dollars for one it's fucking five minutes of your life and then you talk about it in therapy and you're done yeah okay I don't even think you would have to get a therapy I think you know for a hand

job for you're getting all this money you're like yeah that was worth it yeah do you start liking it I would jack all those five dicks all the races for five hundred thousand wait now you're giving out free ones no hundred thousand per race yeah but there are five races but I'm saying you can give

five hundred thousand per race oh okay yeah why I didn't know that I saw do all five how much would it cost for you to go down on Amy Schumer oh for god's sake oh my god what are you doing after what stop she's pregnant all right

oh fuck it no I hate terror ok dokey thing okay all right Leslie Jones after a workout who Leslie Jones after a workout how much would it cost what are you doing I want to know what Christina would do if I want

to other comedians it's not fair all right any woman I don't any woman no what are you talking about but that's going down is different than hand jobs that's way more intimate yeah it's pretty you're asking a lot

it's a lot all right how much would it cost that who what about it's to who do I who's the person do I get to pick you get to choose the person I get to control their hygiene over 70 I was saying it's not happening the fuck up okay I'm gonna do what you

rather just for you right now let's do it custom made for you Brian red band okay would you rather you're gonna go into the Marine Corps active duty and we're gonna station you in

Afghanistan and not like a nice marine base like Leatherneck or Bagram like you're on a forward operating base of fog and there's no cement it's just dirt and you're shitting into wag bags and throwing your bags of shit into

fire and you're out patrolling maybe you know you go on foot patrols you come back every now and then but here's the upside okay every now and then you get a nice MRE with some treat in there you know your food's okay maybe you get to go to

like a nicer base and have like a British base where they have like Lad mags in the PX so you get to like choke your chicken whenever you want so like there's that kind of benefit okay so it's that or you live as a

Buddhist monk that's it sounds more relaxing more peaceful but you know what you're doing all day you're waking up at four in the morning and you're just meditating it sounds awesome

seriously you're making mandalas you're eating a bowl of rice a day that sounds great I could easily be a Buddhist monk I love meditation and I like sleeping you're not going to sleep a lot as a monk I like their food

they don't sleep a lot you're waking up at the crack of dawn you're meditating you're helping the poor maybe sweeping up the whatever you're hanging out in an awesome garden and stuff like that it's great I don't know you obviously wouldn't I think that sounds amazing

you'd be on base I'm asking you between Afghanistan or the monastery the monk thing they're two different forms of torture what is your own internal battles do you sit around meditating

with your own thoughts one is a literal war zone and the other one is a little fun you get in war you get shot at you just see action in one one is an external threat and the other is an internal threat that's a good way of putting it I think Buddhists are adorable

when you see them at the airport they're the only religion that I'm like what are you talking about over there have you ever tried meditating yeah I meditate all the time really? I don't see you doing this what would you take Tom Salom

in this scenario I think it's without question you're not going to be able to bang listen guys we're not banging this it's a cloistered life of women you can't eat anyone's butt

there's no video games when you're a Buddhist monk still masturbate you're in a fucking room with other monks they don't do that stuff go to the bathroom he's going to find a way to jerk off they all jerk off

but it's an entire life of service to other people and there's no girlfriends there's no you know what I mean it's a serious life he's ready he's already lived this life man

seriously I don't want to do any more of that I'm a totally different person than I was five years ago I believe you what did you say I might do a tour in Afghanistan fuck

but then it's over and then you get your life what I don't really understand that kill some hajis what the enemy Tom would you rather never have an orgasm again

but you get to eat whatever you want and what happens or you get to have orgasms but you only eat a vegan gluten free organic diet sugar free, dairy free, no alcohol cigarettes, I'm talking carob chips

maybe some kale chips for snacks it's a pretty grim eating lifestyle existence this one is really particular to when you're processing the question because basically

your sexual needs decline there's an age where you're going to be like the diet but Brian is really mulling this over you said you said too much wait

I wouldn't want to have that diet and I wouldn't want to not have cigarettes or alcohol I would not want to do all that shit so I'd probably do I don't want to do that one whatever that is so you're saying that you'd rather choose

never to have an orgasm ever again eat what you want that's what I'm saying if I ask you when you're 23 I still come like 4 times a day but like I'm saying in this ridiculous hypothetical but it's not necessary

you come 4 times a day usually depends on my girlfriend's working every day I have a huge sex drive still that's what I'm saying I know he's all driven by if your sex drive is that high right now

then how could you possibly give up because it's like the masturbating thing it's more like yeah I can masturbate and that's happening multiple times a day Jesus

you're what you need therapy you need so much help so much therapy it's so much help I'd love to sit down on one of your sessions oh my god I'd love to sit down on a session with you

listen to your conversations maybe you could come on Dr. Drew's new show I'd love to would you be open and honest about heck yeah I'd like that let's arrange that I've always wanted to meet him

let's do that he should talk to him so you would choose she's not coming eating what I want wow I think that's way you live once you can't just have a vegan crap diet

the rest of your life and be super healthy but there's a point where it's like that's too much I could see myself accepting that one in a few years the vegan diet I would be like nah do you think in 10 years

I'd be like oh dude I'll take the clean diet maybe in 10 years you ever had beet chips no okay fresh beets is there another one

I have a filler up sealer shut really? yeah we haven't done it in so long I don't think we have that anymore it's been a while the new filler up that's the original I can't play it anymore they flag it

just gotta play it a little faster that's how I get away with shit on Kill Tony really? I play it 25% faster and no one has ever said anything about it like hey what's that song you just played you know alright good to know

well I'm doing a filler up seal her shut cool guys edition which means we're only doing males cause there's no female cool guys yet okay we'll explain it in a minute

so filler up sealer shut which one would you rather I guess have filled this person would fill you up and seal you shut would you rather get it done by Terry uncle Terry or

the four stroke guy that's who we're gonna debate here? okay I will consider I don't know if you can even pull those up but I will consider I would have to go definitely with Terry

Terry's fun Terry's fun he is he's upbeat he is he's like I think he's always like if you had a party

and you lived in a complex you'd invite Terry to come over he's very fun loving here's Terry this is Terry right here and I'm here to do a little video I wanted to use this vibrating toy that I bought this new one and I thought I'd try that in and then I also wanted to try this double-ended

fucksweep that has these like massive bullets in them I haven't used it of course and then I went to look and they didn't send any batteries so bad bad bad bad I'm not gonna be able to use the vibrating part but and then I got this cool

a friend of mine had one and he bucks it with his boyfriend and it's a double-ended dude so I really want to try this but first I'm gonna try and get this in my butt and then turn it on and it's even got this cool little remote control

and let's just see what happens it's got a nice texture to it I think it'll be easy to go in it's always the foot in his face it's got a nice built-in cap ring which I thought was kind of cool but it does have kind of a good size head on it

so it may take me a minute it'll take me a minute we gotta ease it I haven't had anything in my butt since my last butt toy video you get the gist so wait what

would you rather have that guy do you or the guy who smokes meth with his brother you don't need lube, you don't need spit that guy seems pretty clean and he can come in four strokes he jacked off in four strokes

this is him so this guy is also an option for you if you've had any kind of erectile disorder problems, I'm here to tell you you gotta take care of it forget about salad, forget about dick and all that stuff

so I don't know if you believe in your nut but if you like to see me smoke some meth with a small limp dick that doesn't get harder the other way and watch you get harder and harder the more I smoke, the harder my dick gets it's unbelievable your dick head becomes so sensitive

that you don't need lube, you don't need spit you just stroke that dick head this up and down four times just barely do it and you'll shoot an enormous amount oh my god now here's what you gotta weigh the other guy

is very bright, he's got a well lit up place he's naked and he's just like I like toys in my ass he puts it out there this guy's a little more about that dungeon life

a little more hidden this guy's like a dirty dick there's meth involved you're gonna go for Terry? Uncle Terry? sure they're both gonna come pretty fast oh fuck it fuck fuck fuck

they're both gay guys so that's kinda neat if you have to choose one then you choose the first guy obviously I don't know, I might choose the meth guy no you wouldn't just cause it's more interesting interesting

well I mean he's on drugs so it'll be funny yeah he's probably got AIDS and stuff oh well we use protection it's fine no you wouldn't I know you wouldn't he jacked off in forged drugs there you go

just for you Brian thanks guys you're welcome we would love to see you do that no, you're gonna get a bunch of money I swear to god you got some kind of alternative motive right now what are you talking about?

cause you're doing all this gay stuff oh no it just happened to go that way it's not intentional totally man have you ever seen a guy finger his penis hole? rough

you ever see a guy fuck a girl's clit like clithole peehole? that's an actual thing this is really neat now it's so fun to hang out with you man it's been too long thank you guys

is there anything on sale that's not sold out? cause I know you have all these shows coming up anything we can mention? yeah if you just go to deskquad.tv click on tour dates we have a bunch of shows that are being added all the time we just sold out Philly but they're adding a second show

two killtonies in a row yeah we're going all over where are you guys doing it? Helium? Philly's one of the best man that's a great club they're all good doing a lot of that

doing a lot of other shows awesome our original producer creator sorry for grossing you guys out I feel like I really disappointed you guys not at all you know not a lot

you guys look like you both saw a ghost no this was fun but when you come back I do want a doctor update yeah I would really like for you to get checked out I'll do that so don't forget deskquad.tv Christina added a midnight show

in Denver at comedy works downtown this Saturday make sure to get that I put what's the newest one April in Boston at the Chevalier and there's shows coming up in Long Beach, Santinez

and Reno all the shows for me are at tomcigarette.com and for Christine Christina P online dot coms today was a lot of fun here we go with the closing song

this week is it's called Julia it's me by Nathan B thanks so much for listening we'll see you guys next week good morning Julia it's me Joe

just wanted to say hi wish you a great day tell you that meeting you yesterday getting a look at you was probably one of the greatest moments of my life you were so beautiful you don't know how beautiful you are to me

you're gorgeous let's go full throttle I built everything I love you like you've never been loved before open up your heart to make your arms I built everything let's go full throttle

let's go full throttle fuckin how many ironies recursos fuck the lockロ Mustang we've got free food, free ren drinks we're dealing then from jail to homosexuality your thug want to come fuck me

fuck me i'm your mom and you're my son and i- i'm your mom and you're my son and i- i'm your mom and you're my son and i- its just like the gays that they're you know asked them will you ever date your mom

they said will you date your son i said onstothe- yes I would we're 18, everything's right As long as they're over 18, everything's fine. I asked them, will you ever take your mom? Please, will you take your son? I said, honestly, yes, I would. Thank you for watching.