Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 490-Wheeler Walker Jr. Too Short & Kevin Blatt-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: March 13, 2019

My oh my. What a colossal episode this is. We step into a world of fun with our very own Josh Potter. He gives us some real insight into some super neato musicians and the super cool people who support them. R. Kelly being exhibit A.  THEN, one of our all time faves - Wheeler Walker Jr. returns. He's married with a baby now, but will forever be the poon king to us. His voice is angelic but it's the way Ol' Wheeler doesn't hold back on anything that really wins over our hearts.  NEXT, legendary Oakland rapper Too $hort is in the building with his Blow The Whistle co-host Kevin Blatt. Tommy nerds out on how Get In Where You Fit In was his high school theme music and how embarrassed he was to find out he quoted it incorrectly in his last special, Disgraceful.  Blatt fills us in on the world of sex tapes - how to sell them and more importantly - how to make them go away.  Epic episode, Jean. 

I don't know if I'm supposed to say the word me or just MIH. It's Obi-Wan. Uh-uh. Obi-Wan Kenoli. That guy's a hit maker. He is. Dang. All different kinds of music too. So talented. All our music people.

Hip hop stuff. EDM stuff. Sends me goth tracks. Okay. I make porno's of his shit. Mmm. I'm digging it man. You want to go ahead? What you doing homie?

Okay. I'd like to thank everybody who came out to Madison, uh, was come on your concert. Sold out shows. Amazing. Everybody was so kind. Thank you. Uh, rolling along on the ride or die tour April 4th through 6th. Many Appletits. Minnesota Acme Comedy Club.

May 10th and 11th. Tempe at the Tempe Improv in Arizona. May 31st through June 1st here in Spermbank, California at the Flapper's Comedy Club. June 20th through 22nd. Washington Dick Come at the Dick Come Improv. Tickets at Christina P. Online. I got a lot of dates coming up. Other cities.

I'm not going to announce just yet, but they're coming. And I'm going across America guys. And also, if you're new to me to the podcast, I have two Netflix standup specials, Mother Inferior, and I have a half hour called The Degenerates with Joey Coco Diaz. I have a trigger. I have a trigger. And Lisa Trigger has been a guest on the show. So check it out.

Trot out. Gene. Gene. Gene. Gene. Gene. Gene. Studio.

Gene. Yeah. I'm going to be in flow right now. Wait, this is going up in another week. Okay. I'm going to be in Portland, Maine. Let's see. All those are sold out.

There's some late show tickets March 30th in New Haven at the John Lyman Center for the Performing Arts. Early show is sold out. A couple tickets left for the late show. Then I'm really excited about April. You can get tickets to the late show in Wisconsin. In Madison, Wisconsin at the Orpheum, the late show in Milwaukee at the Riverside Theater, and the late show on Sunday, April 14th in Nashville at the Ryman Auditorium.

From there, April goes from Bethlehem to Boston. The only show you can get into in Boston is April 28th at the Chevalier Theater in Med-fed M.A. And then from there, Portland and Meat Grattle is going to be a really fun time. I thought of a new word for you. What's that? Instead of Orpheum, the Horpheum. That's really good.

You got it. You can text the, you know, the comedy on state people that. They own that. They own that. You're telling me I had a great idea today. I should. Does your marketing team know? And she'll be like, cool.

Thank you very much for that suggestion. They're the nicest people at that club, too. Oh my God. I really appreciate you calling it the Horpheum. I know we would have done without you, Christina. Thank you. He's it. Catch me outside.

How about that? You know what I mean? Catch me outside. Yeah. Was that Dr. Phil that I checked? Yeah. And then it became like a huge, she came around right? Now she's got a good career.

It's crazy. It was catchy as fuck, though. It's super catchy. I didn't come up with that. She came up with it. She's doing real well off that. She's very inspiring. Catch me outside.

This show today is loaded. Oh. We've got too much good stuff to get into. Okay. Let's go ahead and start the show. Excuse me, it's ma'am. It is ma'am. I can call the police if you'd like me to.

You need to settle down. You need to settle down. Mind your business, okay? Ma'am, once again. Ma'am. This shit is big time. Who is Randy? To your mom's house.

Oh snap. Really funny that you would ask. What's your pronoun, Tom? Today. I'm he-him. Wow, traditional. I'm ze-zim he-him. That's who I am.

I'm always they. You are? Well, yeah. My gender is fluid throughout the program. Oh, so you can go anywhere. I started as a woman this morning, but I'm feeling a little neutral right now. What's your pronoun? Yeah, that's nice.

Yeah. So you feel- I'm coffee-gendered. Hey, that's a new one. Yeah. I really like that. It's ma'am. It's ma'am.

Ma'am. Like, gosh, you can't tell why somebody would be confused by you. I mean- The righteous indignation over the confusion. Excuse me, it's ma'am. Clearly. Clearly. Yeah, I respect.

And I really do. If anybody was like, here's my- Yeah. My pronoun. I'm going to call you by your pronoun. Your preferred pronoun. But you've got to expect some mistakes, you know, out of the gate. Right.

There's no way you're walking around like that. She looks like she could, you know, start at defensive tackle right now. You're getting my fucking money back. Excuse me, sir, there's a young man in here. Excuse me, it's ma'am. It is ma'am. I can call the police if you'd like me to. You need to settle down.

You need to settle down. Mind your business. Okay? Ma'am. Once again, ma'am. So I guess she is at a GameStop or something like that, right? Yeah, something like that. Let's just call it a nondescript game store.

A nondescript game store trying to, I think, make a return. And I think it's, you know, she's being offered. As all game stores do, you're like, I bought this for 60 bucks. They're like, we'll give you $2. You're like, okay. So trying to maybe do a sale, like return or something like that. And then gets indignant, very upset about, I think, the offer that's being made for the game and then is misgendered.

Uh-oh. No, you said sir. Once again, it's ma'am. I actually said both of you guys. Right beforehand, you fucking said sir. Motherfucker, take it outside. If you want to call me for a game, I will show you a fucking sir. Motherfucker.

Oh, and then she kicks over merchandise there. Yeah. I like how, well, hey, her genders fluid too, because when she wants to be a sir, she can be a sir. She did say, I'll show you a sir. She's like, I'll fucking show you. So that's sir. Catch me outside.

That's pretty, that's pretty fluid. Yeah. Fuck. You guys are doing good. I need your corporate number. Call them and talk about how it was misgendered several times in the store. Oh. I need your corporate number now.

Get it for me now. I'm gonna ask you to call down and stop cussing. Get me your corporate number. Well, I'm gonna ask you for the fifth time to stop calling me a man, because quite clearly I am not. Oh, clearly. Oh, man. Get it for me now.

I'm not cussing. I'm not cussing. Get me the corporate number. No. Please. Oh. Man, my phone. Oh.

You're just gonna keep bucking. You're going to disrespecting trans people in this store, which I plan on telling the entire LGBTQ community. You're going to lose money over this. Damn. Whoa. She's so fired up. It's almost like.

I know. I kind of feel bad. You know. I do. But I imagine it's very difficult when you are trying to present one way and people keep misgendering you. You're like, dude, look. But you know what I learned from, what was that show?

Lost in Translation or Trans Life or? Yeah. Yeah. One of those, like the TLC one. Yeah. As a, like, remember there was a guy who was transitioning. Lost in transition. Lost in transition.

Yeah. There's a guy who was transitioning to a woman and had just basically started and looked like me with longer hair and no beard, but like big shoulders and she was getting her nails done. And somebody was like, Hey, man. And she was like, God, why are people calling me man? And I was like, well, because you look like a fat guy with a pink, with a pink crop top. Yeah.

The pink crop top doesn't mask everything just yet. I mean, you got to give it some time. Traps were full and shoulders. It's like, I want to get my nails done. And they're like, okay. And then someone was like, sir. And she was like, God damn it. What do I got to do?

I've been doing this for two weeks. I don't know. You need a lot more surgery. I know. And well, and too, I think I would, it would be rude of me to be like, what should I call you? I don't know what you are. What should I, what pronoun should I call you?

Yeah. I feel like that might be more rude. Really? Yeah. Then just making an assumption. Not according to the pronoun expert. Right. Hey, how are you?

How are you? What's your pronoun? What's your name? What's your pronoun? Yeah. That's how you should do it. Yeah. I don't know.

I would feel more rude. Don't you think? No. Now that I hear it and I see this. Yeah. Now I feel like you probably should. But, and you know what the lead in is? You don't just say what's your pronoun.

It's what's your name? What's your name? Angela. And you'd be like, oh, I was going to go. Okay. But then you get the SNL thing. Yeah. What if it's Pat, Chris, Terry?

Well, yeah. But like then the, if you're following it up, what you go, what's your name? What's your pronoun? Then it's like you're trying to make an effort. And if they're like, the fuck are you asking me that for? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And they're like, it's Kyle, my guy.

What the fuck, man? Yeah. I'm sorry. I just thought maybe that you weren't. Well, and here's the, here's the deal, man. Here's the problem. Yeah. Is that a lot of these?

Yeah. I would, if I had another, if I had more time in my life, I would become like a trans coach and I would help women dress, new women dress like more feminine. The problem is these bitches are trying to dress like they're a Kardashian hot and they wear like the velour tracks suit, the casual female style. Like if you're going to, if you're a new female, you got to really femme it up so that the public knows like, oh, they're very much presenting as a female. Yeah.

You know what I mean? You have to kind of go overboard and then dress it up. And then when you're more changed, then, then you can dress down as a hot chick. You know what I'm saying? I got it. Yeah. Yeah. Like I go big dangly earrings.

Right. Well, it's real obvious. Long, long, long hair extensions and shit. Yeah, I agree. You can't be like, I'm just like casual chick today. Casual girl. No, dude. Like I can pass as a female.

Like, you know, this is casual girl. Yeah. What are you saying? I mean, I don't know. Do I present as a woman? Sometimes. This brings me to my next topic. Yeah.

I was on the airplane traveling. I don't know if you do this. What were you doing? What were you doing? I was in Madison. Oh. Do you like big tits? Go see Christina.

Do stand up. Now we're talking. That's my mom. Yeah. She's got big tits too. She's got big old tetas. Yeah. And she doesn't like to wear a bra.

Anyways. So any hoodles. I don't know if you do this and I wrote this down because I wanted to talk about it. When you're on a plane and you're in an airport and you're looking at people. Yeah. And let me preface this by saying it's so random who you end up with in life, right? It's crazy. It's a matter of like that night I could have gone out with a different comedian, a different

person and then fall in love with somebody else and now we have a totally different life. Yeah. You have one that doesn't involve sold out theaters and nice house, Ferraris, McDonald's, sponsorships. I mean, I'm fucking ball. I know. And I, that's why I preface it.

I clearly made the right choice, a lawyer. But do you ever stop and think like sometimes I'll be like, what if I wasn't like with Tommy? Like, do you ever see people every day on the plane and like, what if that was my spouse all the time? Really? Of course. But then I immediately find a flaw in the stranger and I'll be like, but we would never work out because that guy were top-siders.

I think that's top-siders with the gayest thing ever. You always find something like, where you're like, man, she's got French, she's got French manicure. Yeah. Fucking hate French manicure. Yeah. And then like, I could never love somebody with a French manicure. And then I feel like telling her, I'd be like, you know, you got a lot going for you,

but I would go with a solid color on this nail. What? I feel like telling them too. That's so funny. Yeah. Like if, like for instance in Madison, it was so cold, it's like two degrees and then there's a guy in front of me who gets on the plane wearing shorts and sandals and sandals and you're like, I could never love you.

I could never love you because fundamentally we see the world so different. I think as human beings, it's completely, it should be like mandatory that your mind plays that game. And your mind should also, if you're somewhat, I mean, unless you're like miserable, but your mind should get to the point where it goes like, oh, but this wouldn't work out. So like that's the game that your mind plays. I think everyone does that though. Yeah.

You see the person, you're like, I can be married to you, baby. I don't ever think I go, like I'll see a nice looking guy and I'll be like, I wonder what they're like. Like what's wrong with that guy? Cause there's always some, there's always a rub with people. There's always their, they're given their take and their bad sides and you're like, what's the darkness in that person? Like what's their flaw?

And then, you know, you make one up in your head and like, no, that guy's immediately. Sometimes you'll be like, yeah. Yeah. What if I was married to her and then she starts talking and you're like, this bitch never shuts up. Yeah. Or you'll be like, yeah, she doesn't give good head. You can see the way she's eating.

You think so? You can tell that just by watching somebody casually. Oh yeah. I'm just saying, well in my head, I'm making it up. Oh, you're like, but she gives bad blow drop. I'm like, yeah, she doesn't use spit enough and, you know, she always neglects the balls. Yeah. Yeah.

That's what you're worried about is the blow drop quality. Well, also, you know, like just conversation is a big one, right? So I'll start being like, oh yeah, that could, I mean, what if I was married to her and then she starts talking and I'm like, oh, for fuck's sake. I think about that one a lot. Yeah. I'm married to somebody who wasn't a comedian. How difficult that would be for me because I have to pretend like I'm this normal person

all the time. Yeah. Because I did date an attorney before you and it, when I became a comedian, it ruined our dynamic. Do you ever have that now? I've had it now where I've met a few people and I have just, I don't know, I guess my professional demeanor on with them, like just polite, nice, you know, a couple of times and then they come to a show and they're like, whoa.

Yeah. And you're like, well, that's really who I am. Yeah. You know, I was being polite because I met you at like whatever, you know, an accounting office or something. I reigned it in. Yeah. Because I, like on this show, I get to be myself 100% in our home life.

I'm 100% me. But then if I, you know, I'm at the airport or if I, I'm trying to be a normal person, it's a concerted effort for me to hold it together and not say exactly what I'm thinking all the time. Of course. And you know what I love about you too? And I, I told you that's the other day where I think I'm so lucky to have you. I'm so messy.

Yeah. You really brought, you were really into that. I'm so messy. I just dropped shit. You're like, thank you for never giving me shit about being messy. And then 15 years together, you've never once been like, God damn it, you pick up your fucking underwear. Why don't you pick up your so, like you've never, and you let me wear any of your shirts

to bed. Why would I not do that? Because I've had boyfriends in the past who have been like, you can't wear that shirt. That's like my good one or what? I know. Okay. Horrible people, right? Yeah.

That's see that's why I only can marry you, babe. Of course. I go retarded. No. I'm not into that. I know. No, but you never give me shit about it either. No.

I know. You're, that's why we work out. I know. Thank God. So you almost married this guy on the plane though. No, it's not, there's no, there's no like specific, but something like literally like I'll be sitting. Did you touch his leg?

No. I'll be sitting in the plane, like people pass me by and I'll be like, could I love that person? No. I want to hear about the ones that you could. I love that person. It's very specific for me. I'd like to see some photos.

Okay. Next time I find a guy I think I might love. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If I could love that person. I'll start doing the same thing. Okay.

I think I might love her. I think I might love her. Yeah. Yeah. Could I love her? Could I love her? Not I think I might love her. It's can I love this person?

And then you have to find the flaw in them immediately. And then I'll be like, ah, we hooked up. Right? No. No. I fucked her and she was lame. No. Here's the game.

Tom, the game is, ah, you stupid shit. The game only lasts a total of 10 seconds, by the way. I can last that long. If I haven't done it in a while. No. I mean the game of everything. 10 seconds. No.

No. Here's the game. You're on a plane. You're watching people file in. You go, could I love this person? And then within 10 seconds you find the flaw. And then you're like, that's why I'm with my husband. That's why I love my husband.

What happens if you don't find the flaw? Then are you like, oh my God, that's the one. No. You'll always find the flaw. Because then you go. You'll always find the flaw. Well, in my mind, because I go, I'll be like, ugh, that guy's way too neat. He would never put up with my mess.

Tom puts up with my mess. No, I know. I see those type A women too, who are like, super. Perfect. Oh my God. Can you imagine how mad they would get at me? Oh my God. What is this?

The farting and the burping. Ah, scratching. Scratching my armpits. Yeah. Yeah. I'll be like, oh, shit, I took big shit earlier. I should be like, ew. And she'd be like, you know, I did not sign up for this.

I'm like, that's what you got now. I know. This is your new man. I know. And then, so there's that story. So play that with your spouse if you're listening. And I'm curious to see what you guys come up with as deal breakers with strangers. Maybe.

Run your finger along your crack. If you're us, you don't need to finger your hole. You don't need to come back with shit on your finger. It's a fun game to play with your spouse, too. You got to know what your smells are. You got to learn. Stupid. You do have to learn.

You have to learn your smells. Like, don't you know your smells inherently? You should kind of know them a little more. Everybody knows their own smells. Do you know what your ass smells like? Yeah. From running your finger along it? I don't have to run my finger.

I feel like I just know. You just smell it. Yeah. Don't you get a whiff every now and then? I guess. I guess. My nuts, yeah. I wore those compression shorts to the gym yesterday.

Yeah. And then I didn't have time to shower. We went to that appointment. Yeah. Then I came back and man. Really? I stripped down in the bathroom. I was like, whew.

Right. Yeah. Really ripe. Do you wash the shorts? I hope so. Yeah. I put them back on right away. Let them.

Yeah. Yeah. How many guys out there? Musk kind of bruised. I know. How many guys listening are like, yeah, just put them back on. Oh, there's guys right now who are like, oh, keep talking, Tom. Shit.

Oh, no. God, that's hot. Not stink? Yeah. It's so weird that that's... Smell what you're not smelling like at different times of the day. Oh, yeah. That's right.

That's so weird. Without coach, I wouldn't even know what to do. Without coach. Yep. And so also another topic I wanted to bring up is that when I was away, you came up, you have a new thing. You found the new show. Oh, yeah.

I'm really excited. And it actually informed me, and I think you're going to be happy about this. I now think it is stupid and wasteful to get jewelry for my 40th birthday. Thank you. Yes. Thank you. Praise Jesus. You know why?

There's no utility in jewelry. You're absolutely 100% right. So the idea that you would spend that amount of money on something I just put around my neck is silly. It's stupid. And as Danny Brown said, someone could come and snatch it. Exactly. And that's why I want to refocus my efforts and yours, hopefully, into getting a jet.

I was watching this show, Selling Jets, where couples who look like they own jets were buying jets. Babe, how much money do you think we have? Like, we don't, McDonald's, we had to give back the money. We don't have $2 million. Well, here's the great thing. I learned that most jet brokers let you just put 20% down. So it's like buying a house.

And we just need, how much is 20% for a jet? Well, that's the thing is that there's so many options, you know? Like there's light jets, mid-sized jets, super at mid, heavy, I mean, I think right now we're probably looking at like a super light or something, you know? And how much is that? I mean, that's the thing. I don't think... So stupid.

I don't want to get lost in the weeds of the numbers. Oh, right. Okay. I think it's just something that it makes a lot of sense. So much more utility than a stupid chain. You're so funny. I know I can hear the future. We also have to buy the helicopter that goes with the jet.

That's way later. That's like three years from now. All right. And then we have to build the helipad on top of the house. That's a great idea. And you have to buy the yacht with the helicopter landing pad. Why do you have a chopper if you can't land it on your yacht? Right.

Look, all I'm talking about here is just a few loans. Yeah. Okay. A few loans. We got to get some loans. How many millions of dollars are we talking about? That's the fun part is you can decide, you know? You just basically look at, you know, your needs and here's the great thing I found out.

Rockefeller and his jets. I found out that through executive charter services that manages these jets, we can bring down basically our whole operating cost by at least 50% just by chartering it out 150 hours a year. Oh my God. Who are we? I don't know. I just, you know, I think it's a good idea.

I'm turning 40 in a couple of months and I'm looking forward to seeing a vroom in the driveway. Oh my God. Will you get a plane? Tom, I would get yes, but what would our church think? I mean, that's true. They don't, you know what I mean, they're going to be like, why aren't you donating money to the church?

You should be giving it to us. What can I say to get you to just sign off on this jet idea? Nothing. Nothing. You can say that would make this remotely logical. I got an idea. Oh God. I'll donate some of my flying hours to the church.

Okay. Good. Deal. You got yourself a deal, homie. You know how important it is for the church, for me and my church. I need my priest to be able to fly around in comfort. All right. You have a point.

Commercial. Would you be open to it? No. No. It's insanity. I mean, it's, you're talking like a crazy person. One dream I can pursue that you'll support. Here's what I will tell you.

Real talk. Yeah. If you're at that like Ron White level, where you know what I mean? I know Ron has a plane. It's crazy. That's what I'm saying. Like if you're there and... I got an idea.

That makes sense. Hey. We got a book, Ron White. Oh, he's the best. We got to get him on here. We got to talk about. We got to get him to talk here. Doesn't he live in Florida or the South somewhere?

He has a Texas place, but he's in LA a lot. God, he's so fine. We got him to do a sales pitch on why we should get a plane. Okay. All right. Great idea. Thanks. I love Ron White.

Thanks, Ron. In advance. All right. And also, we, I mean, I'm still upset about it. We watched the Michael Jackson. Yeah. We need to actually, we're going to do this. I think this would be a great conversation to have with our very own Josh Potter.

Oh, the expert in creep salad. Yeah. Sad dude. Why don't we, should we stop down for a moment? Yeah. Okay. Hold on one second though. Why don't you do that?

Oh. And then we will take a break in a moment. Go ahead, Gene. Yes. YMH will be right back. And we are back. And this is one of the most exciting times that we have doing this podcast. We get to bring in a hilarious comedian, a good friend, and a questionable person.

It is Josh Potter. It's good, right? I like that. Yeah. I like it a lot. Thank you, Tanner, for making that. Thanks, Tanner. You really affect the ladies, Josh.

I guess so. I have some sort of effect, I guess. Right. I guess any effect is good as none. That's true. Their effects on me so far have been the same, and that is no effect. Still. Still.

We're still in no, in no come. Did you smash recently? I have. I have put some reps in, sort of some research, if you will, to find, you know, to keep finding the bottom of this mystery. And I did, you know, I started at the bottom, and now we're here. And so far, you know, I've gathered some research. I think I need to have like a brain orgasm first.

You know what I'm saying? Like a connection with somebody, I mean? Yeah. Because I drift away. What is that? What is that? Oh, that's my bedroom. Oh, my God.

That's where I bring girls to come. Do you like it? I had a girl not like it recently. What did she say? Yeah. She said she was like, am I going to die here? Yeah. She said she was cold, and then she was...

Well, yeah. Let me tell you everything from a woman's perspective. Yeah. Why don't you describe it first of all. Let me break it down. Describe it. Okay, I'll describe it. Well, listen.

A, it's clean. So that's wonderful. You're ready? Yeah. I don't own any things. So there's no way to make it messy. Right. So it's just like a bed in a corner.

Yeah. And there's blinds. I have a candle. And you have a candle. Hey, that's A for effort. And that's my weed next to it. And that's your weed. Good.

I mean, look, it's sparse, but I like that it's clean, and I like that you even have a frame. You have a headboard. A headboard. That was there when I got there. So... Oh, really? I was really pumped about that.

I've never had one of those before. I've slept on an air mattress. Oh, dear. I've slept on a regular mattress. And what are you sleeping on now? That's a Tempur-pedic dog. Oh. It's not as good as a Saatva.

But it's, you know, I... Look, we're swapping that out immediately. Yeah. What are you doing? For sure. I mean, I'll take a new mattress for sure. That's a suitcase, that's a suitcase, by the way. I know it.

Okay. I see that. And then what's draped over the headboard? Are those headphones? Oh, no, that's just the blinds from the... Oh. Yeah, but I tell you, number one, what's wrong is that his bed is pushed against the cold windows.

I like it there. Oh, that's perfect for him. Of course you do, but any woman who's laying nude in your bed or semi-cloth, it's fucking cold. You're not supposed to sleep next to the... He's a total lunatic with that pillow. I know he's a cockroach. Are they complained also that I, like, I don't have enough, like, pillows or something?

How many pillows do you have? No, that's all. I have only one head. Wait, what? One pillow? Yeah, can you see? Wait, so what about for the chick that comes over? Yeah.

I get one from a couch or something, you know? No. No, no, no, no. No. She can't sleep on a couch. You got to get... One pillow tells a woman this is not going to be a good experience. Isn't two pillows presumptuous?

Like, it's like... No. Human sleep on two pillows. Can I tell you how many pillows? You deserve two pillows, yeah. For yourself? Yes. What the fuck is that for?

Oh, my God. Blue band. Do you sleep on two pillows? Yeah, I'm not a psycho. Yeah. That's a psycho move. I have one head. Your bed should have four pillows.

Oh, my God. Four pillows? Total, yeah. I feel like I fucking... That's more... I don't even have four of anything in there. No, you should get four pillows. I don't have even four blankets.

Two for you, two for the lady that's not going to live long after she lives there. Okay, let me ask you this. What's with the medieval tapestry? That's the Buffalo Bills. That's Buffalo Bills' helmet. What? Okay, that needs to go... No, she's thinking of the serial killer.

No, this looks... It looks like he's got a medieval carpet tapestry thing. It's a Buffalo Bills blanket that I got from a couch. Now, take that off. This is terrible. Then I don't have any blankets. It's like a dog blanket. We'll get you one.

Yeah, let's get you a different style blanket, you know? Okay. Yeah, that's not a bedroom blanket. No. That's just some clutter at the end of my bed, I'm sorry. That's fine. It's actually pretty bare. It's sparse.

That's how I live. Dude, that suitcase, I put that down the day I moved in. That's where it stays. It's like my nightstand. Okay, so where do you... You don't have a nightstand. We should get a nightstand. Yeah.

What? A nightstand would be good. That's what the suitcase does. No, no, I get what it does, but I mean, you know, you're not a freshman in college, right? Yeah, but I mean like, I guess here's the thing, like for real, I always think the next day they're going to throw me out of these places. Why?

You know what I mean? I don't know. I've lived in so many different apartments. You've been here now for a while, right? Yeah, yeah, it's been... This is maybe one of the longest apartments I've ever lived in in my whole life, so that's why it's like... Can you take them?

Jesus Christ. Take them to Ikea? Yeah, somewhere and get some... Yeah. Let's go shopping. For furniture? Yeah, baby. Yeah, you need help.

I just want to get you some pillows, a different blanket and a nightstand. I'll tell you another thing that they... Is there anything hanging on the wall? Well, yeah. That's where I was going to get. They said that that's weird. Of course it's weird. Of course it's weird.

Nothing? Zero things. It's all bare? Yeah. So he's... Because he's living like he's a transient. Yeah. He's kicked out at any moment.

Is that a real threat? I've never been kicked out of an apartment, but I've had to move at a rapid pace a lot. And then like, you know, you're on the road, sometimes you don't want to have an apartment. Yeah. You're just kind of living in other people's apartments. Do you think you'll stay here for a while? I want to. I hope I stay here for a long time.

The bare wall's not good. No. I know. What do I get? Like a... So I should get like a Jim Kelly poster or something? Yeah. A what?

Football player. A football... No. Boo. No. Maybe like, you know, whales jumping out of the water. Like a neon Miller lights on? Yeah.

There you go. For like a 3D one, we have to squint your eyes and the image pops out. Where would you rather spend an evening? In my bedroom or in the now vacant Neverland Ranch? No. Oh. So yeah, we were getting on the topic of that. I mean, look, if you want to listen to Michael Jackson's music, don't watch that documentary

because it's so hard to go back to loving him after all that. Hardcore fun? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the part that makes me the craziest is that he wasn't trying to conceal the fact that he was a pedophile, as your dad says. Yes. There was no concealing it.

Like in the 80s, he paraded his boys around. Out in the open. Till the very end. He did that. Yeah. And we all were complicit. Everybody was like, Emmanuel Lewis is your date to the Grammys? Cool.

No problem. Yeah. He just likes kids. He likes kids. What's the big guy? He would make a joke at night being like kids pants are half off and then everyone would laugh and we'd all clap and then we'd listen to Thriller and that would be that. Yeah.

He's the ultimate. He was the ultimate. Like we've seen this with people that are talented, where we the talent pollutes our mind into excusing certain behaviors. It's a hall pass. But he is the ultimate talent and fame where he was so famous and so talented that we were like, he fucks boys. But I mean, have you seen Thriller?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what the sentiment seemed like. He's weird with kids, but boy, I get him in a studio and it makes match really. I mean, off the wall was a pretty perfect wall is a man that moonwalk. Yeah. I mean, that's my kid.

You know, if you can do that, oh, by the way, in that documentary, yeah, if they, if the parents were my parents and they were like, they were like, Hey, you know, sorry, we've been separating from your child so much. We just need, we want you to have the nicest hotel suite. My mom would have been like, yeah, you can fuck them too. I don't care. As long as we have a hotel suite, that'd be dope. Yeah.

Hook it up. You knew your mom would tell you be like, just do whatever you want to. Actually I think my mom would be the, she would have been, I would have been like so pissed at her. She would have been like, you can't go hang out with Michael Jack. I'd be like, fuck you mom. And then I would like go listen to Michael Jackson in my room and turn the music up real out.

It would be because I want this guy to fuck me. But mommy said we're going to fuck and then she'd be like, it's a disturbing doc. Whoa. Oh my God. What's most disturbing to me is that the parents are still recounting the, the events with Michael fondly, like, and then we got to fly first class. Oh my God. Wasn't that great?

The glimmer in their eye. Yeah. When we talk about it, it's sickening. Yeah. They're still recalling it like it was just a pleasant tale. Nothing bad happened. If you put them in that situation again, they'd be like, yeah, I think it all turned out fine.

We got to write in a limousine. Wade Robson's mom seemed unfazed and it's like, well, my son became a dancing prodigy. Yeah. So she's like, how bad was it? That's the way she makes sense. That's the way she looks at her face. I know. They all were like, it was really an interesting house.

Yeah. Oh my God. They went, I wanted to bring up the house actually because it is for sale right now. Do you know that Neverland Ranch is for sale? I mean, besides the jet. I don't know. I'm pretty in on this jet. Okay.

What's the numbers? Because it went on sale initially in 2015 and it was worth $100 million. God damn. What? Now, since this documentary is coming. Yeah. Let's talk about the bargain. The value has dropped significant.

Okay. Uh-huh. Where do you think it's at right now? Damn. That's just 500,000. Since this thing came out? Yes. Really?

Yes. Well, it's a 10-file. Well, also the prelude to this coming out, you know, in... Yeah, people talk. You were saying, you know, this is going to change the way you see it. Yeah. There was a lot of hype on this before it came out. So in the wake of that, where do you think it shows up in the market now?

I think to the non-sexual abuser, it's probably a turn off. But I think to somebody that celebrates pedophiles, like my dad says. Oh, it's a pedophile hall of fame. Oh, yeah. Fuck you. This place is covered in jizz. Yeah. That shit's Canton if you're pedophile.

I was talking about, before we guessed the number, one of the guys was talking about all the rooms. Yes. He went in full. That's another craze. Now that's going to think, I think, lower the value even more because now you know the details. Yeah.

We fucked in here. We did it in here. Whereas before, if you didn't know any of this stuff, you'd be like, I want to have this Michael Jackson house to remember, honor Michael Jackson. Now you'd be like, we got to tear this shit apart, man. Yeah. This is like a murder shot. Let me preface this by saying.

I had lunch one time at the Charles Manson murder house. Right. No, I want to get to that in a moment. Oh, okay. First guess your figure. Okay. So to be clear, it was. But I know that it's discounted land.

Hold on. Murder land is discounted land. It's significantly discounted. It's always child sex land. Okay. This was priced at 100 million. I would say it went down to 70. I'm going to go lower.

I'm going to go 70, 25 million. Damn. You are in the department. You're kidding. It dropped 70%. It is now listed at thirty one million dollars. Wow. Wow.

And I don't think it's going to go up. Now you mentioned. Is it just banks? Nobody owns it. I don't know. I don't know who like the broker is. I made a Ferris wheel. This is where I had the cotton candy machine.

And this is where the monkeys played. And this is. Do you think he was like that all the time? Do you think he talked like that? Like, because you know, he was like, let's go imagine and play. You know, he was like, it's ignorant. It's ignorant. Or do you think behind you be like, you're mean, your shit's off key.

Yes. Yes. I do. You know, I think he put on that voice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Totally.

It's just gentle and I like children's. How did he get his, how did he get his skin lighter though? That's all surgeries. And when you have that much money, you can do anything. He made his daughter in a lab and she's gorgeous. Probably gorgeous. It probably started with his asshole. And then he was like.

He bleached his asshole first. I think so. He's like, I'm going for this shade. Yeah. He like lifted it up. Showing it to the doctors. No, no. Take a closer look.

And then they were like, oh yeah, that is pretty white. Because there was a point where he was perfect. Like I would say when he came out in thriller, he really looked, his nose was in a good place. He was cute, like off the wall, a little rough. But that's the thriller. He started plastic surgery. Yeah. If he had.

He looked great at thriller. If he hadn't pushed it past that, he, yeah, it would have been like, oh, this guy had a little work done. But he, you look, and then he just kept going. The nose is just right. Like many that do have plastic surgery, he became probably addicted to it. Yeah. And he had total body dysmorphia.

For sure. You know. But you mentioned the Charles Manson home. Sorry. So the Manson. That you went to visit. Yes. So I had lunch one time on Cielo Drive.

And I spoke to the gentleman that purchased it. And he said, well, yeah, that murder land is discounted land. So he got it at almost half price. Now it was a tear down. Exactly. He tore it down and he built this completely garish nuns. It was multiple waterfalls and Elvis Presley room. The guy is a total.

But this is not a. This is a common thing. John Bene Ramsey's house has been for sale forever that they had to change the fucking street name. OJ house. They tore down. OJ house. Yeah.

Oh, he didn't even kill her there. That's right. Yeah. Those apartments still function. I bet someone lives in that fucking unit. Yeah. I got a bed in a suitcase. I can move into there.

But I got a lease and a key. The question is, would you rather live in a home where a terrible murders occurred? Yeah. Or the Neverland. Murder. Murder. Murder. Why does everyone say murder?

What? Why? Well, what is the ultimate? The worst evil is definitely what Michael is doing. There's nothing more evil and sadistic than what Michael Jackson is doing. I'm thinking in terms of aftermath, you know, like in terms of living in a place, the murder, they splayed open. Their guts are everywhere.

There's blood everywhere. Sure, you clean it. But that happened. A person was inside out in the home. Don't care. Don't care. Not compare to being happy to a kid. Yeah.

But there's nothing. I mean, there's nothing left. I would rather bathe in the blood of a hundred slaughtered women than even step into a room where something happened to a kid. Wow. In the Sharon Tate murders, she was seven months pregnant. They cut open her pregnant belly, took her baby. That's what I'm saying.

I would live in the Manson House over Neverland any fucking day. That's terrible. I mean, look, man, even in prison inmates have a code that what Michael was doing is I would have fucking been wrong. Oh, yeah. I would have signed up to watch that. Well, do you think R. Kelly, too, if R. Kelly does go to prison, do you think they fuck him up or they're like, they fuck with him?

They won't put him in the general. Yeah, he'll be in protective custody, but he also, there's a term for it. I forget what it is. I've seen it in one of these shows that he actually targeted women entering their sexual right age, like 14, 15. That's what I mean. So the prisoners will be more because R. Kelly's brother in this documentary about R. Kelly, for instance, if we can shift gears for a moment, his brother creeps is involved

in the documentary and he's actually in prison from the documentary. He is. Oh, good. Yes. He's he's interviewed from prison. Now, R. Kelly has a couple of brothers. Yeah. He's got a brother, Kerry, who's younger.

There's R right there. He's like, well, I do, man. But he's so talented. He yes. And then what he did was he'd be like singing about sex and and fucking and shit. And then he'd go, I'm going to do a church song and everyone's like, it's forgiven. Yeah, that's true. You know what I mean?

Well, same with Michael. Wasn't he like, you got to save the world. You got to make the world a better place. R. Kelly, you are not alone, by the way. It's it's it's always the and you know, yeah, R. Kelly wrote that. You know, actually nailed years ago. We play years ago. Representative Peter King, I think that's his name, right?

This guy is the only guy with the right opinion. This is right after Mike died. And I think this guy's still in office 11. But he summarized the the celebration of Michael as being ridiculous like this. Hi, this is Congress from Pete King. And yesterday I watched in two fourth of July praise and one tour. And I really reminded me of the great men and women who sacrificed so much for our country, people fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan today.

Cops, firefighters, teachers, none of whom really get much credit. And yet, to the last, I don't know how long now, this low life, Michael Jackson, his name, his face, picture is all over the newspapers, television, radio. So we hear about his Michael Jackson and let's knock out the cycle bubble. This guy was a pervert, a child molester. He had a file and giving this bunch of coverage to him day in and day out. What does it say about us as a country? Well, he must be really mad today.

Oh, my God. This guy's the most. He's probably playing this too. Look, I knew it. I know. Let me tell you something. This is the only correct opinion on all of this. Oh, sure. This guy came into my head immediately.

Right? The next morning I woke up. I can remember that guy we played. Yeah. This is the guy. This is the right fucking way to think about this whole thing. Play the rest, doesn't he? We're too politically correct. No one wants to stand up and say, you don't need Michael Jackson. You know, he died.

He had some talent to find the people dying every day. There's men and women dying today in Afghanistan. Let's give them the credit they deserve. I really think the media has disgraced itself. I think of too many people in public life. I've made fools of themselves by talking about Michael Jackson as if he's some kind of hero. There's nothing good about this guy. Maybe a good singer, did some dancing.

You let your child and grandchild be Michael Jackson. Never, never. You may have been a good singer. Oh, my God. Did some dancing. Oh, by the way, I want to I just want to take this moment to thank you for taking me on the road and never making me stimulate your nipples. You're welcome for that.

Or spread. That was my favorite. I did see your anus and it did turn me on. Yeah, yeah. I just hope I don't get old and gross and kicked off the tour. Yeah. Yeah, but our good singer. Dancing. That's what I said.

The singer did some dancing. But I wanted to show you our Kelly's brother because he is in prison and he is the only one coming to his brother's aid in this documentary. Hmm. Yeah, I haven't seen the art, Kelly, Doc. I can't. Why can't? There's a jet I could buy. Oh, Jesus.

A commercial jet. Sure. Younger women. You have people who have fantasies about different things. I like holding women. Go figure, you know. But that's just a preference. Right. It's a preference. Everyone has preferences.

It's true. So what is the big deal? What's the big issue with my brother? Care to answer. Yeah, I mean, I think for people who don't know, those people who are listening or watching who don't know about the R Kelly details. Really? You don't think so?

For sure. It's I mean, with the documentary, I thought there's no way that people have the same amount of this. This story has the same amount of exposure as Michael Jackson. No way. That's a good point. And I think, though, it is in the news right now. Michael Avenatti has picked up another charge for R Kelly. So he is being prosecuted again in the wake of this documentary.

Yeah. But his brother, his other brother, Cary, was not so right or die with R Kelly because R Kelly approached him about taking the fall for the PP tape. Being like, oh, tell him it was you in there. You just turned on your radio. We're talking to Harry Kelly, R Kelly's younger brother. You did a body double for your big brother, Robert, and your body's calling and things kind of turned a little ugly

when this whole child molestation thing came into play. People were trying to say it was you. His attorney said that it was me in the video. So that was the argument. He never came forth and said, hey, you know what? Child hearing is not true. I am not a child molester, but it definitely wasn't my brother in that video.

Exactly. And when my kids started getting teased at school, I had 15 year old mother that got stumped by 15 girls. I made police reports the whole night. She was just defending her father. That's it. So tell me what you saw on this tape with these 12 year old girls. Why do we say that they're 12? Well, because he's like he was interviewing them on these tapes. So the girls were on there being interviewed by him

and they're saying their real names and that they're 12 years old. You see the sex and all like that. Right. You think your brother's going to do jail time or do you think he's going to get off? Well, my opinion is this. What's done in the dark, she'll come to light and everybody on this earth got to pay for what they done. If even if he don't do jail time.

Yo, did we have another tape of her? There's a child molester. Do we have another tape of Bruce? I can't remember. Oh, yeah, that's the third. Yeah. Can you play that one? This is Bruce's reaction to his brother not liking the idea of being not only the body double in music videos, but in his sex tape as well for what he done.

Robert simply asked Gary to tell the truth. Do a deposition with his attorneys that the things that he was saying was not true. And he said, if you do this deposition with my attorneys, I will give you a hundred thousand dollars and a one record contract deal. I never understand that as long as I live, you could have been rich.

I never understand that. So he's like, I can't turn that deal. He's like, a hundred million dollars in a record. Shit, put my fucking name on that deposition. Oh, my God. So to Bruce, what's he in jail for? Well, he's in there. I had to write down his charges.

Nothing wild, by the way. Nothing like R. Kelly has ever done for the record. It's just burglary and things like that, like drug possession and stuff like that, no violent crimes unless you consider it. Basically, like for people that aren't well informed on the R. Kelly scandal, it's that he like part of it is that he's been keeping women basically as sex slaves.

Oh, yeah, like locked up in homes with like no cell for rest to that because he's been allowed so much leeway in the past. He was just kind of doing things like Michael Jackson where he was bringing younger women around and things like that. People just thought, oh, he likes younger women. People help facilitate that. He married Aliyah when she was right. Yeah.

So and it's also the thing too is like prodigies that they build. Right. Yeah. Out of these kids, like Wade Robson has turned into an international dance super mega star choreographer dancer. Did you know that? I did not know the way that I did not. Yeah, the Australian boy. Yeah, yeah, he he's a he was the choreographer for like Britney Spears.

I didn't see. Well, and then it was kind of worth it, right, guys? Is that the argument? Michael, what did I say? What did I say? Michael's like, you see what I did? I want to be a comedian more than I want to be anything in the fucking world. Yeah, I want it so fucking bad.

And if you if you make me go back in time and you told me like, this is what you do, but you're going to be Sebastian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know that I would have said. You take the deal. Really? No, you would just have your childhood robbed from you. And now you're doing Madison Square Garden, right?

There's because think about this. I said this to somebody and they think I'm a monster. There are so many children that are victims of terrible crimes like this that are in a fucking alleyway or a fucking dumpster behind it. You know what I'm saying? Like terrible circumstance. These kids got immune park, at least. Right.

Free popcorn got to see screeners of fucking Bambi before that came out. Probably a pedophile. I don't know if I can get on board with this line of thinking. I'm obviously all of its parents, but wait a minute, you are a comedian. You know, you know, I know what I want. You know what I mean? Like I and I'm very happy to be a comedian, but that's my point.

Like I my desire is so much that it's like, how much do you love dancing, dude? Like, is it was a way I would like to ask him that question. Was it worth it? Yeah, because being Michael's sex slave as a child. Oh, my God, when are we going to bring Sebastian in on this? Do you want to hear another fun quote from our Kelly's brother, by the way? Yeah, me and my brothers, we all have our ways with our girls. We're very jealous.

We don't want our girls doing certain things. You're not going to see our girls talking to too many people. That's just the way we are, because he was keeping them by and closed doors and shit. And like he was keeping them, you know, keeping them quiet. He really is ride or die. This brother, yeah. Well, could you imagine being in jail for all these petty things?

He's probably in there for for quite a few years, you know, after amounting so many crimes and his other brother gets this other opportunity. He's just sitting there and they're like, shit, what the fuck? I would love to fucking do that. You know what I'm saying? I wonder what you would be willing to do for some of the things you want. This is interesting. I'm not concerned.

He's OK with this. It's not about what I would be willing to do to anyone else. It's like what I would be willing to have done to me. That's what I'm saying, right? I would degrade myself to levels of which are inconceivable. Really? To achieve my goals. Yes. What do you mean? I mean, I haven't sold my soul or I haven't now at this point.

I mean, like, I don't know. I let's say a big time promoter. Yeah, he's like, you know, I can hook up any gig and I have a plan for you. What we're going to do is we're going to start off in these clubs. It's going to be this and then theaters and it's a three year plan. You're going to make millions of dollars. You're going to sell all these tickets come to my house. First things first, hands behind your back, mouth open.

I'm dipping my balls in your mouth. And who is this guy? First of all, is it he's a Michael Jackson guy? He's a little creepy, a little weird. He's a heavier set man, older, doesn't smell. Is it the tried out guy? Kind of like the tried out guy. Yeah, you have to do the tried out guy.

You're his sex slave. But the end game is something inconceivably successful. Or Terry, or we have to do Terry's butt plug every day. I think, no, I think try it out. Just the butt plug and try it out guys. I have to put you try it out. You come over to his house to make him come every day. He lays it out for you.

There's a deal, man. He tells you the deal, you know, you got to you got to bend over. He likes to come a lot. Yeah. And he wants, you know, now what if I'm you, you said, I have to make him come every day. Yeah. Do I have to make him come or do I have to at least try to? No, you have to admission. He doesn't come.

I and I put in all the effort. Yeah. And I'm really just firing on all cylinders and I'm giving him everything I got, the whole kitchen sink and everything. And he doesn't come and I still lose out. You can make him come, though. No, you can. Yeah, you can. It's achievable goal. Is it? Yeah.

OK, because that's the only thing that would concern me is if I was put into the situation and I couldn't succeed in my end of the responsibilities. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Then he takes it away from me. Then I wouldn't have liked to put myself in that. He's just kind of aggressive. How many days do I have to make him come?

Like, is it excessive? It's a deal with the devil. Oh, so it's like forever. It's forever. I don't know if I could do. All right. Let's see. Here's why. No, no, no. Let's do forever only because when you molest children, it ruins them for their whole life.

Like, I still have the psychological damage. You've not as an adult. It's a little more when you mess with children that way, you destroy their soul for the rest of their lives. Why don't you put a time limit on it then? All right. No, he needs to have the rest of his life be destroyed. Let's have a time limit, though, to see if this works. I don't know that I could do rest of my life.

I think I could put a... Let's say there's a six year window. Throughout the... Well, you mentioned the three year... It's a three year progression to success. Yeah. Once I hit the mountain top, I get to stop. Yeah. I would be like, all right. Yeah. Sniff those balls.

Sniff them. Okay. Now, let me put it right up against your eye. No, no, no. Let's do this way. Let's do an actual deal with the devil. So he gets successful. And then in the afterlife, saying there is one every day, he has to suck the tried out guys. It's like fantasy land stuff.

I'm talking about a real fucking pitch where the guy is like, I am giving you my pitch. This is the pitch. The guy says, come over to my house. Yes. Suck my balls and eat my ass every day. I'm going to fuck you in all your holes, and then I'll give you gigs. I will try to negotiate some of it down.

I'd be like, every day is tough. I mean, I got stuff. So then he's like, get the fuck out of here. Okay. Well, then I'd be like, can we do three days a week? Can we do, you know, get out of here? Do you want it? Fine. Yes, I'll go. I'll do every day.

We'll see how long would you really do it? You think you would really do it for that? I don't know, man. I really think I'd think about it. I really do. I don't the first time the first time he comes all over your face. Yeah. Yeah, you're like, and you go like to wash off and he hands you an envelope.

He's got like eight grand in it. He's like, yeah, yeah, good job. I would feel and then he's like, you're playing the improv this week. I would feel disgusting with myself, but it doesn't. I would feel happy at the end end result. I already hate myself. So that's not going to like decrease. Really?

Do you know what I'm saying? Like so much therapy. I just don't think like I think it would be out to I'd call my friend and be like, you know, I had to suck this fat old man's dick. It was terrible. Yeah, it was every it was as awful as you think it is. But he threw me an envelope of a crane and I've got a fucking I'm doing all the improvs now.

So I think other comics would be like, well, shit. All right. You really think you would do that though? I think I might think about it. That's all I I don't I've never been put in now. What if he started really the way that you put it? Like when you're like, and you're doing theaters, I'd be like, am I selling all these tickets because I sucked a dick?

Then that's all it takes. Then fine. Now, what if he really started hurting your asshole? It's going to hurt. I mean, but you're selling more tickets, more pay more game, baby. Let's rock, you know, I mean, I see his point though. Yeah, it's so hard to sell tickets and to become something in this. If I just had to suck a dick, then I would do it.

The way that I pointed out, yeah, speaking of tickets, where's your show? March 22nd at the Hollywood Improv lab. I will suck all your dicks by tickets 10 p.m. Show 10 p.m. Show line up in the back after and we'll get it going. You know, you're putting that out there. They have a right to get their dick suck now. Okay, some dicks.

All right. All right, good. Um, I would I would rather get butt pounded than suck it, suck dicks. Jesus, don't you think the taste people? No, no, no, that's oh wait, like you'd rather. No, I would rather also. I would rather have a dick in my ass than in my mouth. Wow, you would too.

You would really think about it in my mouth. What's in your butt? No, no, no, no, no, but easily think about it for one minute. Your ass is a nightmare already. Yeah, who cares if there's a dick in it? Yeah, you can get I agree. You put jizz in your mouth, dude, then you have to taste it. I don't want to taste it.

You're gonna fucking have to scope and be like, oh, yeah. And you're gonna be like, it's your head, fucking teeth. It's your face, babe. Someone's fucking your face. And your butt or your poop comes out. Who cares? I agree. I'm with Josh on this thing.

100%. All right. Have to think about it though. Yeah, you really want them in your mouth, bro. You want to come in your beard and stuff. I taste it all day. You can't get that taste out. You don't even eat it.

You don't like you don't even eat certain foods, right? Yeah, it's so true. I don't like olives. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine like olives all in your beard, on your eyes. Oh, Jesus. And depending who's dick you taste, it could be like an olive dog.

It could be like a big olive. And his nuts could stink real bad. Oh, they will. Yeah. This guy, this promoter guy. Yeah, I'd rather do in the butt. He's got stinky balls. Because then you can just hear your butt can heal.

You can shit all the jizz out of you too. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's right about that. He's definitely finishing in your asshole. Yeah. But I mean, he's like, oh, oh, and he's like AIDS. And then he comes, comes in your butt.

And then I'd be like, oh, you know, it's tough to sit down. But I'd rather that than be like, huh. Yeah. We're like the rest of the fucking day. You taste it every time you think about it. It's in your tummy. I don't want that. And he's like, oh, God, it came so much in your butt.

But good news. You're playing tell your hall in Chicago. I'll see it. It's all sold out. I'd be like, I'll just sleep on my stomach till then. I had some other nightmares I wanted to bring up. If we have time, I don't know how much time. I don't know.

We may have to. Yeah, we're running out. We may have to shelve it. But there is one other gentleman I'll end on that is from a band called The Lost Prophets. It's a band I listened to as a child or as a teenager, I should say. And they weren't very popular at all.

That's the band right there. He was Michael Jackson on steroids, but had no fame and nobody helping him in this regard. And he was not like as you notice that these guys are like all elaborate in their schemes and everything like that. This guy was not at all. So he was pretty easy to catch on a monster.

We got out of the realm pretty quickly. What happened to him was the British version of the NSA went to hack his computer because there was rumor that he had child pornography on it. Jesus Christ. And they didn't take long to crack it because his password turned out to just be I fuck kids. Hi, Vay.

What? That was his password to his computer. Could you imagine being in that crack team of detectives? And you? Do you think it took them long? Do you think they sat there and were like, I'm just going to try a couple things here real quick and just put in a couple of passwords?

Guess number one. Yeah, he's like, the guy did one, two, three. And he's like, no, that didn't work. Let me try my second idea. And he figured it out pretty quick. But this guy's in jail. Now you listen to his music? I had t-shirts.

I had I was into the band. And it was. It wasn't like I didn't give a fuck. I'll never listen to the band again. Like it wasn't that prevalent in my life that I was like, I'm going to miss music. Is he locked up right now? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, he's fucking in jail for a while. If I saw this guy on a plane, Tom, to go back to our first discussion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, OK, this guy's walking past me now and I go, could I love him? Here's number one.

What do you think the turnoff is? Hair? Yeah. I'd be like, the hair is too complicated. He's got these two, he's too interesting. I was going to say the earrings. Too complicated. Yeah, I don't see the earrings.

And I don't like his facial hair. It's too dark. It doesn't match. Sorry about that. Thought those lobes were earrings. No, no, I don't think so. But he's too, he's too complicated. That's what I would say.

Yeah, he was in like, you know, an emo band. Yeah, that's why. Yeah, see, I don't like it. He's got cold, cold eyes for sure, man. Well, yeah, he's going to jail in that picture. Yeah, it's probably like, you know what? I'm fucked. Yeah, I fuck kids.

It's definitely. Okey-dokey guys, next topic. What a terrible password. Thanks, Josh. Do we run through this real quick? This, I mean. Yeah, do we have time? Yeah, let's run the script.

So what is this? Well, this I have here also, like we have talking sex tapes and yeah, all kinds of celebrity musicians that are into wacky wild stuff. This one's a little more fun. It has nothing to do with children. It's just a fun guy. You know this one, right?

Chuck Berry. Chuck Berry. Yeah, Chuck Berry. You know, my cousin. It's your cousin, Marvin. Marvin Berry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, back to the future. This is credited with being like the pioneer of rock and roll,

right? Yeah, he's like the king of rock and roll. He's the man. Well, he also enjoyed filming women that he would have sex with and doing a number of demeaning things to them. And in fact, he has a sex tape somewhere in this world. But because of the time that it was in,

like the 60s or 70s or whatever, we don't have it heavily distributed. So what I've gone through is the transcript of the sex tape. And I've delivered it to you so we can reenact it today. That's awesome. In the role of Chuck Berry will be Tom Segura. And in the role of Blonde White Horror will be Christina P.

Wow. Will you read the? I'll read the stage directions. OK, all right. So I'll start. It's a table read in the industry. Tom, this is what you did for your movie? This is all allegedly, of course.

Yeah, right. Yeah, he's dead. He doesn't care. Yeah. All right, ready? OK, do you have any tips for me at a table read? You're a Blonde White Horror. OK.

With big, big tits. Yeah. And you're Blonde and White and Horror. OK. All right. That's what it says to our corners. Here we go. All right.

Are you bathing? Yes. You got to get clean. Yes, I do. You like to stay clean, don't you? Yes, I do. You really do. I'll give you something to bathe for.

You know what? You know that? He stands up over her. I'm going to give you something to bathe for. See this here? Yes. He's wiggling his dick. Yes.

Yeah. That's what you bathe with. It is. Kiss it. Kiss it. Again. Suck on it. You my girl?

Yes. You love me? Yes. Very much? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I'll bet you do. I do.

Well, you really love me? He begins pissing on her face. She gaffes, surprised. I really love you. Yeah? Put your hands down by your thighs. Take it. She continues gasping as she continues to piss.

Take it. Take it. Take it. Open your mouth. Open your mouth. The sound of piss gurgling in her mouth, and then Barry unleashes a loud, long fart. You can smell my fart.

Piss on you. That's what I'm doing. Pissing all over you. Mm-hmm. You love me? Yes. Tell me you love me. I love you.

All right. Then drink my piss. Drink my piss. Chuck grabs a towel and hands it to her. Draw yourself off. Clean yourself off. How's that piss taste, huh? Bitter.

All right, all right, all right. Tastes better, doesn't it? Salty, yeah, I know. Yes. You drank my piss. Yes, I did. Yeah, suck this. Suck it.

She is sucking and gasping and grunting as if in pain. Here, clean yourself. Clean that piss out of your eyes, poor sugar little baby. What's the matter, baby? Did I piss in your eyes? Yes. Did I piss in your eyes? I'm sorry.

There's piss all over your neck and your hair. But you love me. I love you. I won't betray you. I won't betray you ever, believe it. He leans in to kiss her, then stops immediately. I can't kiss you. Smells like piss.

I know. I'm sorry. Clean yourself off. Take a shower. He walks out of the tub as she turns on the faucet to clean herself. And scene. Wow.

That was really good stuff. That was nice. We should send that one off for you. I think so. Got some role you could play Chuck Berry in the bio pic. Is that what it's like for the movies when you guys do your table reads? Exactly like that.

I kind of want to send that to a couple directors. Yeah, you could play some abusive. Yeah, yeah. Oh, abusive guy, A number one. God, I would love to play something like that. What do you mean? That's perfect for you. That's what I'm saying.

Russ and instant family. You're a jerk in that movie. Yeah, but I mean, he wasn't pissing and farting on girls. You can't be. Is that what you took into the role in your mind? You're like, OK, behind the scene. I'm Chuck Berry. Every time.

Yeah. All right. This was great. Thank you as always, Josh Potter. Thanks for having me. I hope I see everyone. March 22, Hollywood Improv Lab. 10 PM.

Get your tickets. Yeah, yeah. Your mom's house will be right back. And we are back. Everyone peed and farted in eight. And we are back now with one of our all time faves, a real country singer. It is Wheeler Walker, Jr.

Thank you very much for having me, guys. I love Wheeler. The new place is fucking killer. Thanks, man. Stakehouse Vibes. That's what we're going to do. Studio what you call it? Studio Jeans.

Studio Jeans, yes. Inside Studio Jeans. I like how you didn't model it after Studio G. You actually put shit up. That's right. It's not just an empty conference room. That's right. You know, I didn't really notice that.

You're right, Wheeler, that he just doesn't even bother decorating it. Well, he didn't give a shit. He thinks people are just going to fucking look at him. Yeah, he's right. Right before he snaps somebody's neck. And we hope one day he tells us where the bodies are. But Garth is a really, we were talking about Creeper

musicians. You know who we didn't talk about? We didn't have, I was trying to think of his name, a Jerry Lee Lewis. Yes, he married his 13-year-old niece. There's a movie about it. That's like pedophilia and incest. Yeah.

And then Elvis, I mean, she was a fucking teenager. Priscilla Presley was 15. But the room, I think the story that he tried to tell was he met her when she was 15? Right. Then they get married at like nine. That's 16 or something. Whatever the legal age.

I waited though, probably, right? He's like, I waited. No, but didn't you? I mean, does Elvis not get what he wants, you know? But we were just talking about the Chuck Berry thing, man. I love Chuck Berry, but the day he died, you tweeted the pee video. And I was kind of bummed, like, fucking Chuck Berry, man.

It was crazy that I was alive at the same time. And I started getting bummed out about it. And once you see him pissing on white women, it kind of, you know, it's just kind of like, it brings you back. It's like, you know what, I'll be fine. I'll get over it. So it helps you, I helped you grieve in a way.

Well, there was no, I grieved for about half a second till I saw him fucking pissing on women. I was like, you know what? The world's probably better off. I do love his music. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's what we're talking about, that weighing the fame and the talent

against doing something horrible. Yeah, I mean, it's strange too, because we were talking out before. It's like, am I allowed to listen to Thriller now? Like, how does it work? I know. You know? I mean, you definitely are allowed,

but it's like, does it play a game in your mind? Well, I haven't listened to it since I watched that thing. Which, by the way, and I don't want to start controversy, I think he's guilty from the doc I saw. But I just don't want to get myself in trouble here and start, you know. Yeah. So, you know.

Right. I'm not the judge and jury. Right. But there was a lot of evidence. You know, once I hear about the actual blood and the anus, I'm like, I think this guy did it. Yeah. And then, I'm like, but Thriller's such a great,

it's not a bad note in the whole thing. It's amazing. It's so difficult. But it does make you wonder. I mean, now we're just in an era where we're accepting that our heroes are pieces of shit. How many of our past heroes have been pieces of shit, too? That we don't even know about, yeah.

That we don't even know about. I don't see nothing wrong. Yeah. Well, my thing is just always assume they're a piece of shit. I mean. Everybody was talented. I mean, you guys know.

I mean, you didn't get into comedy because you had all your shit together. That's true, yeah. And I didn't start playing music because, like, man, I got all figured out. No, I'm going to get them. It was just, God was covering up a lot of fucking shit. Yeah.

But not violent stuff, right? I mean, pedophilia. No violence, no pedophilia. Yeah. I've lived a pretty clean life. Compared to the people, you mean? What's your big vice, though? Do you have a big vice?

Because you don't really seem like you're. I guess my vice, I would say fucking, but now that I'm married, you know. I didn't even know you were married. You're married? Yeah, I'm married with a kid. That's what WW3, my new record's about. WW3 is named after my son, Wheel of Walker III.

Oh my goodness. Fucking amen. Congratulations. Sometimes when I talk to people and catch up, I forget some of the details. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, so that's what the new record is all about.

So that's a little wheeler. Yeah, he's. So you basically retired the Pussy King. Well, yeah, I mean. I mean, he's done conquering all the Pussy. Well, now I'm teaching him. That's like some of the new songs. You know, all the Pussy will slay,

telling him about the new Pussy. He's going to get training him. He's Pussy King Junior, and you know. She's my wife. She has her own Instagram. She's the Pussy Queen, you know. Really? Yeah.

God damn. Wow. I want to see some pics. Yeah, we got to look her up. No, no, no. I want to see the Pussy Queen. Yeah, let's see what the Pussy Queen. How did so.

How'd you meet the Pussy Queen? Yeah, how'd you meet her? I was playing a gig in Alabama, and she came back in the days when I was meeting chicks after gigs. And I was like, oh, I'll just bang her and take off. But I kept talking. I was like, fuck, I want to talk to her again, you know.

What's her handle? Is that it? No. Yeah, that's her. No, I'm just kidding. I don't know who that is. Yeah, what's her handle? What's her Instagram handle?

It might be Ms. Wheeler Walker. I don't know. I forget. I got off social media to tell you that. You did? Why? I'm just, I fucking over it. You know what my main thing was?

Like, when I first started out and I took over country music, you guys saw it. Of course. I was all, it was all about, I felt like I was, I was the new guy I was punching up. I love it. And but now that I'm bigger than these fuckers, I just feel, I'm bored.

It's like, people, I make fun of these new country shitholes. There's all this new garbage pop country, but I'm bigger than them. So it's a kind of punching down. And then these people crying, complaining to their managers and shit, just like, it's just not worth it anymore. Then like now they're coming on. They would go on my Instagram and try to insult, like insult back.

I'm just like, I don't have time for this shit. The point was to get rid of shitty pop country. Florida, Georgia line. Yeah, Florida, Georgia line is still a lot bigger than me. But but all these new, the Florida, Georgia line want to be. So you just don't have time to like insult it. Because country, Nashville, man, they got new shitty artists coming out every two minutes.

It's like a fucking factory. Yeah. Who do you hate right now? Well, there was this guy called he's still around, but that was the fight. I just didn't feel right. It's like, why am I why am I shitting on this guy that no one's even heard of? His name was Mitchell Tenpenny.

That's a real fucking name. That's a really stupid name. Yeah. And he had a song called Bitches. And I just got pissed because I had a song called Fuck You Bitch, which I felt was an emotional song. And that's a huge hit. Fuck you. But then he just took a bit. He's like, I'm he's like literally just like I'm sick of bitches.

Like that's not what my song was. And then he like has a big label behind it and was trying to pretend like it wasn't a thing. It's like it's a whole another thing saying I hate bitches versus. Yeah. Fuck the girl who dumped me, I think. Right. Fuck You Bitch is about a particular person. Yes, exactly. I mean, I don't want to get into an argument with this dope about it.

But it just but insulting him on I was going down. Like I don't want to wake up in the middle of the night and just tweet at some random red, you know. Yeah. Understandable. And these aren't the I mean, I've said it before. I do think most country artists and fans, you know, you know that. I mean, football is so big in the south and high school football. I really think the majority of country fans have CTE.

I think that's where this you don't listen to you don't listen to friends in little places a hundred times because because you're all there. You know, something's wrong. And these people and I think the artists have it, too, because everyone I talk to, like there's I'll meet these guys on the screen. Some are fans and I'll talk to them like something there. Yeah, you're like, what? So would you play volleyball? Yeah, that's it.

Yeah, they all I mean, nowadays, like Sam Hunt, who was one of the big guys I went after, he was a college QB. So I think my my my theory checks out because these dudes. I mean, to like this kind of music, you got to get hit in the head a lot. Yeah, yeah, I think you I think you're on to something for real. Yeah, no, I swear to God. I mean, if there's if you can fill up Wrigley's field. Yeah, with Florida, Georgia line fans.

That's a lot of I mean, they all got car wrecks or something. I don't know what it is. Right. But even going to Seaguard and hearing friends in low places for the thousandth time. I mean, do we have enough of friends in low places? I mean, I've had enough. I've had enough. Yeah, I mean, that was the thing and we talked about a little bit. I think the last time I was here, which is people don't like right now because country music is basically computers and bullshit and stuff.

That's crazy. That's that's found its way in the country. Yeah, exactly. I mean, they're trying to do R. Kelly and there's going to be an R. Kelly of country, I guarantee you. Really? Somebody's coming. Yeah. I mean, the stories I hear about these artists, they're just these guys are are fucking degenerates. But like people don't understand that when in the 80s, early 90s, like it was Dwight Yocum, Alan Jackson, Good Country Artism,

Clint Black and Clint Black. And then Garth came along. He was the Florida, Georgia line of the time, because he was playing that real pop shit. All those guys hated Garth and people now I get why they get pissed when I make fun of Garth. But all but you got to remember because I'm older than these fucking dudes. They at the time Garth was Florida, Georgia line. You know, he was I didn't know that.

I didn't realize that because he was you here at that. Like it's so slick and he was going for pop radio back when well, it's soul. I personally from what I've heard because I watched part of that Notre Dame concert. Oh, God, that was all. Yeah. And I was like, OK, where's the soul? And I know I'm not listen. I'm not an aficionado of country music. But when somebody sings from their fucking heart, you know,

you listen to Dolly Parton sing Jolene or whatever. You look that really grabs you emotionally. But for him, there's I don't feel that from him, the authenticity. Yeah, he doesn't like where. But would you if you just heard it on a blind taste test, would you think that was country music? Probably not. No, it's like pop. Yeah, to me, it's just like kind of almost like just pop songs.

But yeah. And at that time, him getting all that success kind of made all the other guys try to sound like Garth. Everyone's trying to be the new Garth and people like Alan Jackson were just I want to I want to pedal steel. I want to play country music. Yeah. But anyway, fuck him. He's fat. I don't fuck him. He's fat. He's a shorter version of the army. Fuck him. He's fat.

Oh, man. Yeah. So speaking of old G, by the way, how's old Wheeler like being married with a kid? I fucking love it. Honestly, it's just it's like, you know, it always reminds me of which is kind of my dumb movie reference. Remember in a forced dump when he like got that thing in the mail with the that he'd like had had put he'd put a bunch of money on Apple stock before it like got big.

And he just he's just like forced up just like dope gets a thing in the mail. Like he's like a billionaire. He's like, oh, there's one less thing to worry about. That's how I kind of feel like I'm married, like I'm done. Like, yeah, that's it. It's just like pussy, one less thing to worry. Yeah, it's all there. I don't have to do deal with it anymore.

Yeah. Yeah. The fucking texting and, you know, look going out and dates. I just hated all that shit. How'd she feel about you, you know, touring as this country artist and, you know, doing shows on the road? She knows I'm going to. I mean, is she knows what you guys know is I'm the most honest and cleanest guy out there.

So there ain't going to be nothing to worry about, you know. Yeah. So hold on one second. We got to stop one second. Well, that was fun. Thank you for the burp introduction. Yeah. Well, you know, I just try to keep it real on the show. Keep it true to who we are. I said, sorry, I had to take a break. I was talking about my wife.

I had to whack off. Yeah, yeah. I didn't want to do it on the camera. You're so she's so electric. Wait, you met her on just like one of your regular at a gig and a gig outside of Mobile. And you're like, I'm just going to bang and leave. And then I kept thinking about her.

And then what happened here would happen, which there's a song of my new album, W. W. Three. I'll hold it up for the listeners. Yeah. And the song called Still Ain't Sick of Fucking You, which is like it was real. That's because I'm so dumb. I don't know. I don't know what love is. You know, this is my first love album.

Yeah. And I just that's how I'm and I'm admitting it. I don't I just didn't know how fucking dumb I was. I was like, fucking this girl was cool fucking her second. And it's like, after 50 times, is this love? Because I just still want to keep fucking her. Yeah. I think that is love. Is that what it is, Tommy?

That's what I finished and I got off the bed. I go, I could do that like a bunch of more times, like even till I die. And I go, that's probably what my parents were telling me about when they met each other. That's probably exactly what they met. But it's just like, but you know, I like to say it in my own way. Yeah. So I'll do a song.

What's mama think? What's mama Walker think of? Oh, they all love her because she's normal. You know, not no, I mean, not normal, right? More normal than me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they love having a grand kid that they hope won't ever hear my music.

But yeah, that's what it means now about almost a year. He's a year old. Yeah. It's so exciting. Now, the three of us, you know, really like to dissect G and a lot of his antics. You actually, we're always on the lookout for new G footage and material that you actually pointed out.

Yeah. Well, I actually have a G alert. What's it called? It's G alert for the G alerts. Yeah. He put out this thing that was so fucking ridiculous. He did like his own trip, you know, that Bohemian Rhapsody movie.

Yeah. That was I didn't really like, but. Could that guy be any fucking weirder? The lead guy. Yeah. Yeah, I think they always say that's like, man, he was so great. He seemed just like him.

I think being just like the dudes kind of is like, is that really acting? It's that's impersonation. That's true. But anyway, so Garth did this like tribute to the movie, like freelance. I don't think it's part of the like promotion. No.

He did it on his own. He's like G. He just loves it. And shot it with like real, like, you know, like the live in studio G is like fucking iPhone cameras. This is like fucking film cameras. And it looks like he's ejaculating the whole fucking time. You've never seen anybody.

I haven't seen this. No, you haven't seen anybody. I haven't seen this either. He loved anything more than he loves Queen. Oh my God. He starts like kind of singing a long move in his hands, you know, like, like he gets so into the music that I, like I said, I think he's wet himself.

You got to tell me how to set up my G alerts. Yeah. Because I just check. Yeah. Oh God. So the things that Freddie Mercury, this flamboyant entertainer from across the water, had in common with his kid in Oklahoma.

Across the water. Was, we were both insecure as hell. Until the music, we found our courage. Oh my God. Why is he whispering? He always goes a creepy route. So important. But wait, wait till he plays the music

and starts doing his thing. It's already more to come. Courage. Oh my God. They've influenced me in the music. Every time they stepped up to the microphone, every time they did this shit. Wait, pause.

It's so embarrassing. Do you think it's kind of weird to wear your own G hat? Like, should I get T hats and wear them? Would you wear a T hat? I'll wear a C hat. A C hat, yeah. Fuck your T hat. I'm wearing mine, you wear yours.

Well, I've wore Walker Jr. hats and I put it on once, you know, if I forget a hat, I feel so stupid wearing it, so dumb. It's because it's you. Yeah, it's like, it's kind of like, yeah. Can I tell you from the jump what I already am annoyed with? With him is this phony baloney, I'm just a humble boy from Oklahoma.

And you know, and he's like, he's so accepting like, I'll ride the tractor. Yeah, from across the water, to a humble boy Oklahoma. You can't say England motherfucker? Yeah. Yeah, well, that's the other thing too is that I don't, that annoys me is like,

the hottest shit right now is that movie in Queens. So he's like, and then he's like, no, it's really about me, you know? It's like, people are missing the point of the movie, which the point of the movie is that Garth loves Queen. Right. That's how, that's literally how he sees the movie. He has to make it about him.

His Queen resurgent is about Garth loving. He forgot that Garth loved him before the movie, just to make a movie with a reminder. There's a G logo here, there's a G logo here, there's a G logo here, there's a G logo here. All right, go ahead. Oh, they did what was impossible. An impossible was everyday thing for them.

What? Yeah. Anybody. It's all done in gazillion-point harmony. Find me somebody true, then watch this. That's spinal tap shit right there. Yeah. Jesus Christ, man.

Yeah, I think he just came in his pants. And he's also just like, you know, he wants it to look like he's conducting Queen. He writes. Dude, this was recorded 30 years ago, motherfucker. Right, like he has a part of it. And he's like, I'm gonna check this shit out right here. Like that.

Just like that. He's like, as if he quieted them down. Right, right. So you know, dude, that song's been the same since we've been listening to it. So insufferable. God, yeah. The ego.

He's such a weird fucking guy. He should have played for Mercury. They'd be like, you know, we had this one weird guy audition for it. You're weird as fuck too, why don't you do it? Well, he did want to be Chris, the Chris Gaines thing was his forehand. Wouldn't that be crazy if he's like,

he got his, he demanded his people put it on. He's like, he thinks he looks like, I think I could make it great. Listen, I don't look exactly like him, but you know, get the guys who did fucking Jar Jar just make me look like him, you know? Yeah. Totally.

He just insisted these friends. And they're like, he had AIDS, man. You're like, you just, you're way too much. There's nobody that sounds like Queen. And that just tells me how far ahead of their time they were. You try me somebody to love. You dig into those lyrics? That no matter how different me and you are,

the basis thing is we can love one another. Again, with this love one another bullshit. Can I tell you? He invented that, by the way. He invented, you know what we were just talking about, the darkest motherfuckers, Michael Jackson, who else? The cause. They all have these bullshit messages of like,

you just gotta love the world. You gotta heal the world with the love. Meanwhile, they're doing dark stuff behind closed doors. You think there's a Garth doc 40 years from now? Oh, 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it'll be like all, they'll just show footage like this, how he was always like, hi y'all.

Hi. Lots of waving and smiling. And then, you know, his billboards, like just love one another. And then it'll be like, and this is where he cut people's hands off. And it'll be like on his ranch. Yeah, I could see him.

I mean, he looks like, he like works out, but it looks like there's a little extra pounds from eating people. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, could be. Well, I watched Trish's baking channel and he and Trish make a lot of bad treats. Like it's, you know, cornflake, peanut butter balls.

Can't you see on one day watching that and you see like a fingernail or something? Yeah. She's like, what is this? He's like, I'll tell you, I keep finding these ever. I don't know what this is, baby. There's some bullshit spin on it. Somebody, somebody, can anybody find me?

All the stuff that separates us, that divides us, that draws boundaries between us. He says, find me somebody to love in all of that. There's the message for me. For him, for him. We'll simply live forever. God, I never look at lyrics that way. No.

Because you actually know that the lyrics are about something besides you. Right. He thinks, he thinks find me somebody to love is written about God. He thinks they took a time machine and like wrote it about him. It's so good.

The fact that he, yeah, you're absolutely right, like he took a way to, yeah, to personalize this. Yeah, but like it ends with like a, like the, like the logo, Bohemian Rhapsody. Like it's like a promo for the movie that the movie didn't even want. Yeah. I was like, I love that movie.

I'm gonna make them a promo. I think they thought they were gonna use it at the Oscars or something. Every time he wants to really make a point on any of his social media, he always, always goes to, and then he talks like that. Yeah.

He always has to do his sexy voice. I'm like, it's so forced and it's, it just sends shivers down my throat. I like that. I really like that. Bringing us closer together. I really like that. Yeah.

The whisper is like, it's kind of like his way of, it's like, it's like, it's still the same dumb fucking thought. It's just, it's just softer, you know. It is, it is a softer dumb thought. Yeah, I have a dumb, I'm on a step above you. You guys think he's annoying? Yeah.

I respect him. I don't, I just think he's fucking sucks. Wow. I think he's un-talented. Wow. Wow. He's the big three for me. Untalented, annoying and fat.

Wow. Pick two motherfuckers. Wow. Where do you feel like Bert Kreischer fits in on that scale? Well, I think, Bert Kreischer, well, he certainly got the fat and he certainly got the,

I don't find him an, I personally don't find him annoying. I don't hang out with him enough. I'll bet he could hit two of those in the long afternoon. You know. Yeah, I mean, I haven't spent any, like any, maybe I definitely near the end

that when I'm on the podcast, like at two more hours, he would, he could get into garth or anything. I don't think he eats people though. No, I don't think so either. I don't think so either. But it's good to know that, that Bert's on his way to be like Garth.

Well, yeah, it'd be cool if he could sell out Notre Dame. Fuck yeah. Here we go. Here's the problem. Here's the problem. Go ahead. Hey everybody, Garth Brooks here in iconic Notre Dame locker room.

This is where the players go out to take the field every Saturday. This is where all our players are getting ready to take the field for this concert. So tonight, the fighting Irish, they're going to become the singing Irish. This is going to be good. Can you just picture them on the way out there?

Teams have players, bands have players. I just came up with that role, sort of fucking role. And do you also, you realize too that there'll be like, there's like a CBS executive. It was like, hey, we were thinking for the promo. He was like, I got the fucking promo. You think he wrote the copy?

You guys think he did? 100%. I think he did too. There's no cue cards, yeah. No, I think he did. We're at Notre Dame. Don't miss it. Only CBS.

Oh my gosh. Jesus. Legendary coach Blue Holtz had this sign put up. It's now probably one of the most famous signs in football history. Play like a champion today. I love that. I love that.

That's weird. But look at his face right there. It just even caused that. See, that's why. That fake smile. That's skeletons in it. Exactly. There's fingers chopped off in a bowl somewhere.

And he only smiles with his mouth, never his eyes. That's how you can tell a smile is fake. But that smile to me says, there's just butt stuff going on, you know? Yeah, butt stuff. Do you wear a wheeler on stage? Do you do the Janet Jackson headset or do you do a microphone?

I do them. I would never wear that headset. It's the fucking corniest thing ever. This is stupid, but that's the thing too. It's like, what does he need it for? He's not going crazy. He's not dancing. But don't forget, I mean, the early days,

like when he used to come to my hometown, he would, they'd pull him, they'd hang him from that fucking wire, you know? He'd fly around like Bon Jovi. Now he's too fat for that show. And the wire, you know, and he's worth too much for too many people, that wire would fucking break. So now he's just kind of got that face.

He's too fat. Yeah, that's his thing of his biography. Too fat for the wire. But yeah, they used to fly him around the arena. I didn't not know that. Is it I have friends in low places and then he's up high? Is that the...

They probably tried to rig it once, you know, and they were like, this thing's not really flying. He's like, yeah, you're sick of this. This is a special night at Notre Dame. Oh boy. I'm telling all of you to keep the party going by streaming all of our music exclusively on Amazon Music. Hey, Alexa, do you have friends in low places?

Sometimes, but they aren't big on social graces. You gotta love that. He's the only person who likes it. Yeah. You know, his music, it's not on iTunes. Yes, I was gonna ask you that. Do you know what the deal is with that? Why is he doing that?

He did that. Yeah, no, he, well, what happened was like when iTunes and all the other, like Spotify came out, he decided to make, like, I'm not making this up. Like, not instead of MP, he decided to make his own format. Yeah. Instead of MP3, he had, like, a GP3. It was like MPGs, yeah.

It was like, it was like... Studio GP3? Yeah, it was like GP8 or whatever it was. Like, his own, he was like gonna come up with a better one. My own format. And he'll say, put it on my fucking, you know, just, I'm bigger than Apple on big ones. I got a G-Phone, I don't have a high phone.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I'm sure someone, some asshole has to write, cross out all the I's with him. But he tried to compete with them by coming up with his own format. Yeah. And then he also, he didn't wanna give them the 30% cut that, like, everybody does.

And so then he got, he was like, I'll just be, he put out an offer to all of them. Whoever's gonna pay me the most gets it. Cause I ain't playing all your fucking games, you know? So he was like, Amazon made the biggest offer and you can only get it on Amazon. Yeah. So if you're like, if you got an iPhone,

you don't have Amazon. You don't get Garth. You don't get Garth, you know? Oh, wow. I'm really broken up. He's gotta be one of the only, I mean, I know about Tidal and all that, but it's like, he's gotta be the only major artist

where you can't hear one fucking thing on iTunes. Nothing. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, what's weird is sometimes on the country charts, like iTunes will sell like, you know, like some no name or somebody playing the hits of Garth, that'll actually, just to get some Garth on there. Yeah.

Or like, you know, like a, not a fake Garth, but you know, a tribute to Garth Brooks. Well, actually people will buy that because when they search Garth, nothing comes up except for, you know, but I think it's a blessing because I actually want to take my shit off Amazon, so I'm not being sold anywhere regardless. I love it.

God, I like that too. I love it. I like that. He always says that. I really like that. At the end of everything, and I really love that. And isn't that, I like that. Can't come up with another tagline.

Technically, it's called the word of life. Student body calls it touchdown Jesus because it overlooks the North end zone here in the house that Rockney built. Touchdown Jesus was assembled by stones gathered from all seven continents. This is the place. This is where everybody comes together,

all religions, all shapes and sizes. And they're all here to sing. That's what I love about it. That's what I love. I would love to see him like the, like the footage after when they're like, and now just, we're going to take you down this way. He's like, why the fuck am I up here right now?

Like I would love to see him snap and drop the wholesome thing, you know? Yeah, and eat like a cameraman's hand. Just take a bite. Yeah, yeah. Well, I told, I was telling you guys before, you didn't know this about, so apparently that Notre Dame concert was so big that,

you know, usually for live concert movies, they'll do two shows and pick the best of both in case you miss a note here or there, but he's like, I ain't playing two fucking shows. So if you, all those 100,000 people, if they fucked up a song, they had to do it again. You had to sit there at live at a concert you paid money for.

And if he fucked up, you had to, he just, they started from the beginning. Beginning again, it was like a live TV taping. Jesus. And it's like five hours long. Yeah, I know, it was a little long. So you may as well just do two shows because that's how long it'll take you,

went five hours anyway. Well, he don't got that kind of time, you know? Mm-mm. Yeah, I got Friends in Notre Dame Stadium. Yeah. On CBS. I got Friends in Notre Dame Stadium. It doesn't even rhyme or it doesn't fit.

No. It doesn't. And also, since then, you had one more. If you had one more hit that people know that you can run for this. Yeah, yeah. I got Friends in Notre Dame Stadium. Legend has it that New Rockney said this.

When we're on the road, we're somebody else's guest. Let's play in a way that never lets them forget that we visited them. That's what we're doing tonight, Newt. You're not gonna forget this concert. Damn. Any time soon. Really?

I'd forgotten it like since it aired. Yeah. Yeah. What do you think of that buckle? That's like an intense buckle, right? Well, I don't, the light, the light blue denim and then, is he wearing dark denim or is it black pants?

I think he's wearing just dickies. You know, he's gonna go keep it real grounded. Oh, sure, yeah. Yeah, no, those are elastic pants. I'll bet you that those pants come like with the buckle, like sewed on. I could touch children's outfit. It's like a costume story.

Everybody, Garth Brooks here, this is gonna be good. I love that. I gotta love that. Touchdown Jesus. All shapes and sizes. That's what I love about it. Not any time soon. Don't miss it.

Holy CBS. Shit, man, that was trippy. That was really good, man. That was awesome. Good job, Bluebeck. Good work. So listen, I hate Garth, you hate Garth, but we love Wheeler Walker Jr.

So can we, is this, are we gonna hear something off the new album? Yeah, I'll share a track from the new record because I kind of, I'm gonna take a song that's not exactly what they're gonna do. It's not exactly, most of it's love songs and songs about my son, but I haven't played this song live yet

and I want you guys to hear it. It's a song about my experiences and what it takes to be the king of country music like I am. It's called, I Sucked Another Dick last night. I'm gonna take my headphones off. Sure. It's a good song for Potter to listen to too. Yeah.

How appropriate. Josh Potter, we just had a conversation about second dicks. I sucked another dick last night, not saying that's wrong, alright, first few that I blew I could blame on the booze but now it's just something I do we didn't fuck so don't get up tight but I sucked another dick last night now darling don't get me wrong it'd be you if you had a dog please

don't tell our son cuz he won't understand about this cock goblin come swallowing crazy old man please accept me for the guy that I am not what I do in the back of a van I sucked another dick last night not saying that's wrong alright first few that I blew I could blame on the booze but now it's just something I do we didn't fuck so don't get up tight but I sucked another dick last night darling stop yelling the babies asleep didn't kiss neither you until I brushed my teeth now I need you to stop all this judging of me the good lord made all of us differently hey I suck another dick last night not saying

that's wrong alright first few that I blew I could blame on the booze but now it's just something I do we didn't fuck so don't get up tight once a month at most not all the time you have to trust it'll all be alright but I sucked another dick last night but I sucked another dick last night yeah that's great those really growing up yeah it was weird doing it without crying that's that's a beautiful song thank you man yeah and that's on the album yeah it's on the new album WWE 3 available on iTunes and I cannot it's a Amazon exclusive no it's on I didn't know fuck I didn't know that about about this album I feel so

stupid for not like investigating that you know what you you're busy people you got the whole new fucking studio filled with books or whatever it is yeah you got shit to do I gotta read all these books man yeah yeah how far you into these yeah man I'm just getting started I haven't started yet yeah well you got to read them it's looks like good shit yeah now that's awesome man I love it and yeah it's a definitely turning a corner some more mature wheeler for sure yeah I mean I've been hearing that a lot yeah like people are like why'd you go so serious I'm like no serious shit is this 2019 the serious shit going yeah

I'm growing up I'm married I got a kid I'm fucking mature you know there's my song about sucking digs yeah yeah yeah mm-hmm wow I'm like affected by that me too it is nice to see you growing up I was I was a little worried about you yeah people people get worried but you know I'm always gonna you know I still feel like it's still me you know it is because I remember last time we spoke you know think your mom went to one of your shows and she was like God I mean you know you sing so beautiful and this one she loves this one she loves she's like she understands I'm coming it's like yeah yeah yeah yeah so now she gets

it yeah it took a while but this is a song like that that like you know what our son has a heart he's serious he's an artist mm-hmm that's what I wanted to hear how about your dad same thing he still thinks I'm a fucking degenerate but he's also fucking asshole yeah I don't care about him really yeah he's a dick tell us about it I don't know but I don't I tell you that some there's a guy on Twitter who claims to be my dad we're the Walker senior and what and he yells at me every fucking day really that he's yeah these like but what's weird is I haven't like told him to stop because he does sound I don't know how he

know he just like he's every day tweets they disappointed with me and he hates me I wanted to say you know get my manager or something to take it down but it's it's pretty close to what my dad's actually like is your dad that's I see like you know you with this nonsense music is he like is he like that well he's like that until I buy him you know a fucking to fucking AirPods you know then he's like you know he's a fan he's like it's like headphones and no fucking chords you know yeah and then all sudden he's like things all this this these songs are dirty but they're pretty cool yeah he can't fucking afford AirPods if you do

guys have AirPods I don't have them I don't want them no you need my fucking have to I feel like they strong arm me into all this new shit but it's fucking cool I was just talking about that with a friend of mine the other day because about he was talking about he has like PC products you know you know first Mac whatever it's called but like I want stuff made by I don't like the fuck Bill Gates you know given all that money to charity I want the asshole who hates who's just a fucking dick who's focusing on the shit yeah Bill Gates all his shit as chords I want the AirPods with the no chords because that dude hated everybody

yeah and wanted to get back at people so he figured out how to make the fucking headphones with no chords yeah Bill Gates is just spending money like saving Africa fuck all that shit just focus dude by the way I will give you a break on any air chartering you're looking for in future tours with this plane do you have your own jet right I'm sure you're at that level I looked into it but I don't think I'm gonna get it yeah well I am and I just wanted to extend that to you'll give you a discount yeah didn't look I'm I gotta admit I'm lost he wants to buy a private jet I'm buying it I'm pretty close he doesn't know

Wheeler doesn't know we lost a major sponsor McDonald's sponsored this show and we got 2.3 million dollars and then they saw our content and they pulled the money so we don't have the money anymore Tom there's other money and that's not here what I'm saying is Morton's with the only gave us two grand I know but I'm over Morton's completely and by the way I like Larson's a lot more than Morton's just so that the Morton's people can hear that why can I just tell you right now can I just say a lie to your face I'm gonna stop eating McDonald's in protest thank you very much I appreciate that it's not really that good or

convenient yeah that's a friend right there yeah thank you my friend if McDonald's ain't there to buy my friends a jet fuck them no I know yeah I'll give you six to eight percent off any any charters you're looking for cool man what's this company it's just gonna be Tom's planes oh I thought you you're about to do a promo no no no I'm just letting you know you guys are in a fucking nail in it if you got private jets sponsored the show that's next yeah someone said there's like an Uber for jets now yeah yeah yeah that'd be cool yep yeah well sounds like Tom I have just signed you up for it oh my god who's

more responsible with money you or your wife I mean I'm not even close it's her I mean I buy stupid I mean you don't need eight pairs of air pods but you know you've eight pairs well I just kept I just I go to the store and then I was like I want to you know that feeling you get when you buy something cool and I love them so much I want to go to the store I want to have that feeling again so I'm buying it keep buying them just to get the excitement I want to know that people are like those nerd yes geeks are into the box openings yeah I love opening that box and smelling those sweet fucking air pods yeah that plastic and

when you're on the road it's like you're on the road busting your ass and you haven't showered for days and you know you're fucking hungover it's like oh this is what I do it for fucking two little thing in my ears I can roll over I can put my hands here I don't have to you can roll over you can do anything yeah I mean like I've I can do you can do it I've tried really I shake my head those things don't fit for you then though I get great but they look like they're gonna fall out of your ears and scares me I don't like that they're so fucking good really I mean to me like my favorite artists of all time are probably

Whelan Jennings Willie Nelson and AirPods yeah wow which I think their AirPods are not as good as Willie Nelson but like but right there so you're a big AirPods guy yeah yeah I don't hoping that they listen to this and send me some more hey AirPods some air good I'd come on guys rose yeah maybe they'll just send you some money for this free promo this is a great promo I mean with between jets and AirPods someone should step up yeah okay are we gonna hear another song I could play you want let's hear another love to yeah I love your song do you want to hear the hit from this record oh yeah according to my people this is my

biggest hit in the wall okay it's called I like smoking pot a lot all right let's do it I'm gonna keep the headphones on see what the experience is okay some people smoke meth some people smoke crack some people snort coke offer Ricky's ball sack I've tried them all don't get me wrong the best hi there is comes from bomb I like smoking pot a lot I like getting stoned alone I like vaping weed indeed I think edibles are incredible I sure love them gummy bears hemp shampoo for my curly hairs rubbing cannabis lotion on my cock I like smoking pot a lot some people like pills some like huffing glue I like

marijuana but that ain't breaking news some people like booze some like sucking downs brother I like both but that's another song I just played it for you did I like smoking pot a lot I like getting stoned alone I like vaping weed indeed I think edibles are incredible I sure love them gummy bears hemp shampoo for my curly hairs rubbing cannabis lotion on my cock I like smoking pot I like smoking pot I like smoking pot a lot I think I can't get any better it's like it just keeps getting better and better that's how I feel to yeah it's like I you know those those you've had that probably in comedy we just kind of

you just get that lightning bolt you're just like sitting around trying to write a song you're like pot smokes with a lot no one's ever thought about that yeah it's all me man I'm going for it you know yeah yeah you killed it man great work gene you want to go ahead there you go gene there you go there are ad breaks so I willer you guys are the best man love you love Garth it's good to be here it's so great it's so great to have you here I want people to make sure can I see that album can you hand it to me or toss it or whatever yeah there you go boom and maybe we go in on this one here check it out is that a good place to

hold it yeah boom WWE 3 available on WWE 3 is that the wife right there yes sir and that's our kid man that's awesome let me see there you go I showed the kid on the back of the CD but it's like you know I ain't hiding anything from my audience I've seen her on Instagram yeah I know this person yeah gorgeous really I'm sure I really beautiful lady guys out that's Mrs. Walker right there guys how exciting you're cool you guys are cool to leave comments about how you wanted she don't mind if you want to tell her that you find her sexy and want to whack off to her whatever she likes that kind of thing yeah I mean she doesn't piss her

off as my point it doesn't offend me because I know that I got to catch yeah that's awesome man I like that about you are you gonna be now your pie won't be there you're not gonna be you're gonna be in LA for a little bit I'm gonna be a Nashville next month next month I might be there we'll see but all right I mean I'm out here we're trying to make a Wheeler movie and I fucking ain't LA yeah it's much goddamn work yeah I fucked out of a deal before I want to tell the my story you know yeah Bohemian rhapsodies hot we got this Elton movie coming out you got fucking stars born it's time for Wheeler you know I 100% yeah long

overdue because I remember what I was watching the Oscars I see that shitty lady Gaga so the worst Cooper farting it in yeah like I could do this in my fucking sleep yeah no that's my first thought when I saw that shit I was like old Wheeler can nail this yeah I mean how am I crazy but did Brad Cooper Brad Cooper the Bradley Cooper ever name his son like fucking shit yeah he said shit garbage I can't I can't listen to slow boring heartfelt you know what I mean it's like it's bullshit it's not especially with lame ass lyrics yeah I mean yeah I just like I actually thought the movie was stupid I could I

you couldn't pay me to watch that lady I think Lady Gaga should fall down the stairs yeah I agree yeah it's you yeah you're the best man you're the best Wheeler I really am but I appreciate you guys are the best here you guys are the best in the podcast business and like I'm like everything you say I want like I want to buy Postmates right go get on Postmates right good I didn't know you could do it in hotels oh I do it all the time yeah yeah I've done it I did it when we had to evacuate our house for fires we went to a hotel and I first thing I did I called I did Postmates and brought us groceries you can send it to

other people I sent like 40 hot dogs at Bert's house oh really I hope I can get I know where those hot dogs oh yeah they're gone yeah they're gone yeah yeah pretty great man I'm gonna send some hot dogs to my wife yeah that sounds great any live dates coming up and are you taking a little break right now I'm just I'm kind of I'm kind of want to get out see I wanted to I need people to take a break from Wheeler for a little bit got you I just need up to I've just been on the road just like three I did three albums in three years it's like it's a lot a while yeah it's a lot it's like you know I want to I want people to

miss me sure and I'm announcing that on your mom's house wow please miss me well in the meantime download WWE 3 yep check it out vinyl CD sounds what sounds way better on vinyl I'll tell you that yeah I like I like listening on vinyl now now we got that record player I really did I know so man I could get a record player on a jet Elvis had a record player on a jet I'll see you know Elvis had a record player in his Cadillac oh even yeah that's great like it how can you do that all the records with scratch people I mean he's like someone someone told him that too and he's like fuck you put it in he probably

hired someone to just put that needle back like over and over you know put it back yeah I mean at the right place it doesn't work but it's just like you tell Elvis no right look yeah man well thanks for coming by again we love having you and yeah we'll see you guys soon we'll be back to getting physical after this quick break all right we're back and it is beyond a pleasure and an honor you don't know how how hard I'm geeking out I can finally say short dogs in the house two shorts here which is real to say yeah short dogs in the house Kevin Blats in the house you guys have the blow the whistle show that people can

that you're now gonna put it more places you're telling me right yeah it's very soon it's gonna be uploaded to iTunes and Spotify we had some issues with copyright music yeah so for now though it can be where excess dash radio and mix cloud you could find some of our older shows but dash radio every Tuesday night we have a show from six to eight on mixtape and then eight to ten on hip hop acts so there's an encore performance of how did you guys hook up man this is wild I just know KB from we're homies right we started off doing parties together his uh him and his brother promote promote parties uh

generally around porn events so from the start the very first party I did with them it's porn influenced and just you know it it turned out to be you have a lot of fun even make a couple of business opportunities and stuff and just things happen so you know after why we start being friends and if you notice just now you know KB right no just you don't know him no he's the one comic at the store they don't know oh he doesn't talk like that no I'm a white guy that's really a black guy every time you give him a microphone starts going and I used to go to broadcasting school automatic shitty does but he gets on

me every time we do an intro say hey guys you're listening to yeah all the vessel radio yeah shut the fuck turn into mr. broadcaster guy I'm a strip club DJ slash jim club DJ okay okay so that's where I got that man I gotta say I'm I'm I look there you know how there's certain albums or music where it's like a time capsule where I get you takes you to like a certain era in your life yes so I remember I moved I was living in the suburbs of Milwaukee and we moved freshman year high school so it's like a fall of 93 I moved to Florida Viral Beach Florida and I remember was like one of the first days I meant that's a

school for the middle of school year Steve Wrennick comes up to me and he's like I'm we're playing football has just ended so I'm in the locker room and he's like do you burn bro what he's like you smoke trees and shit and I was like oh yeah I mean you know yeah yeah yeah and then he's like what kind of music you listen to and I was like I don't know I like hip-hop he's like you down too short I was like what I didn't know and he was like check this shit out so he gave me getting where you fit in that shit stayed in my CD player not just through freshman year through getting my learner's permit through getting my

driver's license so you're telling me that too short helped you learn how to drive I mean I was like I want to be a pimp this is what I'm gonna do with my life you know the tape get stuck in your machine man it was my it was that last CD so okay he played it till the skip to the oh yeah scratched up got a note a new one leaning you know with the hat the black hat to the side and I was like this is what I want to do with my life man well you know it's a lot of people get it but the majority of people don't get it that part of the the too short legacy the things that make certain songs timeless yeah is that it's

it's very informative very educational very motivational absolutely and it's it's it's almost like um like a motivational speaking technique thing sure because when I write songs I don't write songs and and say things like everybody yeah I really rap from me to like one person yeah and many listeners like if you're in your car by yourself you like this motherfucker is talking to me like especially like songs like getting it it's like you're talking to somebody like you got to get I write like that so I just I make references like I'm just talking to you and it makes everybody like act like they think they

know me when they see me and all kind of shit so it works but but when you add up add them all together yeah all the albums all the songs and just the ones that you gravitate towards after a while you look back and go to show I taught me some shit yeah man absolutely you did teach me some shit like I'm crazy you know it's funny we had but I'm just listening the way rappers think like we had big daddy Cain in here and he talked about studying the greats his whole thing he listened to Marvin Gaye and he kind of was like oh that's how you you're you know a player and I'm listening to you talk and your whole thing is I'm not

talking to millions of people I'm gonna talk to one person so my wheels are just turning at how different rappers approach you gotta find a persona you gotta figure out how to maximize presenting that and stuff you know it's same thing on the stage or comedy whatever yes yes same thing with acting methods and stuff but you know big daddy Cain he at some point so many ladies wanted to like fuck him I guess he's like he realized he was a sex symbol and he's he started his early days he was just like a attack MC that would just attack you and just yeah just murdy on the microphone yeah and then he turned it to

a sex symbol yeah so you know it's interesting though like what you just said this sounds silly but Oprah Winfrey talks about that too and she talks to the audience she's not talking to millions of people she's like I'm talking to the one woman who's sitting in her living room right now or she probably liked me early on learn that that thing works that person right how did you figure that out doing shows just I perfected my technique writing on the public transit bus with a big-ass radio and rapping at like really hard core ghetto house parties where two things on the bus if you plan some music to the

public that's like loud and obnoxious and somebody's gonna say turn that shit off you don't get like like yeah like some kind of back backlash but but people used to love my shit and then at house parties it's like is you know you're at a party where there's no rules regulations there's no security there's there's just people who you know have quick tempers and they don't tolerate bullshit so I used to go to those house parties and rocked the really rough crowds and shit and I knew I could do it and that was all confident so later in life shit just was like it was almost easy for me to like to present the

too short persona and nobody was doing what was that doing that back in a day either rappers weren't really cursing a lot they really weren't talking about pimp shit it was it was a very new area like when he got that CD he's like pimping yeah it was like I used to have to go to the basement to watch like Def Jam or like Eddie Murphy you gotta sneak and listen to this shit like I could not like sometimes I would put I'd give a CD to like my parents are put in the car and shit would be permissible like fat boys or like yeah run DMC to show I was like

give me that shit but I know you know it was like a secret though yeah yeah yeah he was saying like dirty right I still love oh I know I am can't tell you how many times like I can't it's just like endless hundreds thousands yeah but people have come to me and said I got caught listening to two short when I was little and I got my ass what yeah yeah oh for sure like lots of ass weapons yeah I mean you said some foul shit but you also have you remember clean story on our show about how he brought it back to New York and the Dominicans all heard two short and then he became a hero and they stopped being

picked on he was the coolest guy in New York I'll kind of crazy shit man yeah but my favorite is the one where you get the borrowed mom's car or something yeah accidentally and then she gets in it's like bitch yeah we have to talk but you know you know something else though I was in high school I started writing really dirty rhymes in high school yeah I learned I learned early on the first time I ever said a curse word it was like I said something like I had ten hoes sucking ten toes and this was like I was in 10th grade I play and people just laugh right and I'm like I'm about to write a song about all ten of these

hoes yeah and tell you how I met them all and just tell you a story about my ten hoes and it just it just escalated and I just I'm not I just I just swear I learned early on man that that talking shit just yeah and but also like you you know talk shit but you also had like you were drawn to like funky ass bass well the music is the sneaky part I mean that's the that's what I'm at all lady tell me I love your music she's like don't really care for the words right but I love the music yeah yeah yeah still compliment to you though man yeah she's like she's developed a technique where she could just ignore

me yeah yeah but do you think it came because it sounds like the bus and all that that's it's equivalent to like what the open mic is for the comedian you know you're doing sometimes harsh bars and biker bars and places where they don't want to fucking hear you talk so you better come with some shit that's gonna get attention yeah and you talk about some two-chord stuff you're gonna get attention you talk about bitches sucking your stuff and I had a rap partner in high school and our when we decided to try to sell our music in the streets mm-hmm our first customers were drug dealers who were actively working

really so because the logic was well if you want to sell it who's got money right right and instantly we got we got a drug dealer to buy one tape and then the other guys around were like I want one too so the next day we came back and sold them some more tapes and it was each like a tape you had to make you know I mean the set tapes yeah I would I would we record a tape and then we copied a few times okay and then I'm literally the drug dealers who were like three four blocks over they heard about it and they sent word like bring us some of those tapes to no and then we started doing like a drug dealer paper route kind of

thing yeah yeah like everywhere they would congregate to sell drugs we pull up and they started to be a thing like I never had to try to sell music at the supermarket or at school or anything only only drug dealers and everybody did you foresee when you're selling the drug dealers these tapes that like this is actually like is it wild to you that it turned into like legit no we were in high school we were really just trying not to work at McDonald's and shit like that we were we were not trying to be stars we just wanted to get the money you ever have this this is like do you ever have where you listen to a song

any song and you realize you've been saying the lyrics the wrong way do you know that I paid you right you know I paid you no I licensed so in my last special I licensed blowjob Betty okay okay I paid you so that could say this line I fucking said it wrong I've been saying it wrong for 30 years or whatever would you say check it out a bustle left nut bright nut in a jaw sperm on her cheeks is all dissolved there you go yeah it's all she saw I said it wrong for fucking since it came out I was so embarrassed give him his money back it makes sense to yeah thanks can I get my money back it makes sense still it is

right it does come make sense but anyway didn't really dissolve though it kind of just I was just did you feel bad when you killed her with your nut yeah can we talk about that that was actually like a proud moment because if you analyze the story let's go through the story the story starts off as she was a girl who did business with me mm-hmm and okay she was terrible at her job her job was to actually go out and date men mm-hmm and get their money and bring you the money but she was such a party girl she'd fucking forget and like partying just right she'd forget the part to say pay me motherfucker yeah so we call those

thrill seekers she wasn't really like about that that get that money yeah so I cut her loose and I just randomly saw her one night doing her little party girl thing I'm like you know what I'm just gonna step up to this yeah angrily face fucker yeah yeah so I did it yeah and it just that was so much anger in it so much you know yeah fucking despise you yeah and it just just hit that wrong pipe on her or something with that I don't know yeah and then next thing you saw on the news yeah and the reason why it's not manslaughter yeah is because the shit was um considered accidental you know I mean right right right yeah and

it was a bunch of guys you couldn't say who did it was there was no fucking like there was a DNA test or shit like that so I was clear it was an act of God wow that is that was like hearing the but like a story from the Bible told you from like an apostle yeah that was great that was like the blowjob Betty story we just got to fucking hear that yeah that's awesome right here on your mom's house exclusive but it's it's on the song you get this it's in the song you get I know to hear you say it it's like explain it like I mean I always thought about Betty all because people like listen the music is so infectious and then in the end I

busted and killed the bitch and you get a laugh and you like yeah you forget the whole how the story started right right she was pretty shitty at her job and true man I didn't even think about that whole part you don't even think about this she's a bad she's better at her job man and storytelling I'm putting her in a position where she's fucking up from the start so we're not supposed to sympathize with her dad she's supposed to earn yeah she deserves that shit because you had a lot I think I heard you say in an interview you weren't a pimp but you had a lot of pimp affiliates so right well from Oakland yeah you know anywhere you find a

group of pimps one of them's from Oakland at least yeah one or two yeah but um I um I've never been a pimp but I have received money from prostitutes does that make sense I mean because just out of like love and admiration like is that why somewhat in a couple of instances it was just like grateful like just being grateful I learned things from you uh one girl gave me a complete stranger walked up and gave me $1,800 bills and said one line she said you the reason why I'm hoeing wow and walked away I was in Las Vegas wow and I looked at it I counted it I turned to my buddy I'm like chick just gave me $18 like let's put it all in black I look I look around there's nobody

here it's like a fucking ghost I don't know damn so yeah you got a story like that kid I've got a lot of stories but none no women have ever given me $1,800 so do you feel like though because I feel like I already know the answer but if you were let's say tomorrow you wake up you got nothing to your name you could go out and pimp like you know what to do right well you know during the recession did a little pimping you did really shit really you know the economy was fucking up let's talk about it the show money the show money slowed down promoters weren't doing as many shows yeah no oh wait it was a 2008 so you're talking about oh wait oh yeah oh wait 19 yeah it was a fucked up time so how do you find the hose how do you

find a girl who's a who's a good candidate throughout my entire career and it's not sincere like prostitutes really have been flirting with me like like I went on a date with a chick one night and we went to breakfast at like five in the morning and I didn't know she was a hoe she's a very nicely looking young lady and she was questioning me a lot I'm like why the fuck are you asking all these questions and she got offended she's like she's like I thought she I thought this was like an interview I thought you know oh wow really and I'm like oh you're a oh oh oh you know so things like that had happened periodically throughout my life and I think I'm I hang around so many pimps I grew up around it I really felt like it was an alternative choice

as far as a career options but my parents really wanted me to go to college they weren't super happy about the rap thing but then they would have been really upset about the pimp thing if that yeah so um along the way I learned a lot because I would I would actually study different thing literature and stuff about pimping you know shit like a iceberg swim just a lot of it's a lot of shit out there that you could read yeah on top of two short albums and and you know two short songs you can go out there and really study what this pimp thing is and it's not it's you know the ugly side of it is the abuse and the you know forcing of a woman to do things she doesn't want to do the physical abuse that's that's the ugly side there's a

completely different side that is the more about what I like to rap about and put in the songs and that's just like the finesse it's just finessing the situation which is uh you want to know who's a candidate yeah um prime candidates would be like okay you're in Las Vegas and you had a few holes and slowly but show you lost all your holes you wake up one day you got no holes it's known it's a known fact you can jump on the highway like maybe the 15 drive up the salt lake city and you know there's got it's just a great place to find holes you know what I mean why salt lake city well let's be let's be specific why why look look at the lady like me I know I'm too old to be a hoe let's say it's me like 20 years ago am I am I somebody that could that you

would choose where are you from I grew up in the San Fernando Valley here Los Angeles LA yeah a lot of holes from 818 okay but you know I'll give you another scenario go she's walking around I'm walking around I'm gonna kiss you now salt lake is just like a bunch of little you know little naive kind of yeah yeah not knowing kind of that's who you want right naive is what you need wouldn't in that situation wouldn't mind uh getting away from the strict parents and shit and being a bad girl on the other side you go somewhere like Portland Oregon okay they've got like hundreds of strip clubs and the stripper competition is like way up there so in a lot of cases strippers are like working every night making two three hundred dollars bullshit so you pull up

in there and like some fly-ass car with some fly-ass jury asking questions like how long you've been dancing about a year you know you know yeah yeah but about a year it's I mean like a couple hundred bucks a night and I get to ask some questions like where do you live how do you live with my boyfriend we we just were at a place around the corner probably like a struggling-ass boyfriend type situation he's he's you know he's a musician hey I think pretty good no you're not he's struggling he doesn't have a deal or anything stupid-ass questions like have you ever been to Vegas I've been yeah I love Vegas I mean that's what they say see so far so far we're vibing right and then you go get in the car bitch no wait but so far so good right am I in a long story short

the easiest and quickest way is just a bigger and better deal oh oh so you're uh yeah so I'm like I like your jewelry I'm painting a bigger better picture than everything that's going on in your life and then I'm also informing you how no not right off the back though but the numbers are really great it really what how much could I make with you like if I go with you like I make $300 a night here and I don't tell her right away you're gonna be giving me all the money well what well how does he get me to get in the car and go and leave my stupid boyfriend and stuff and then do you offer to be my boyfriend I'm also establishing one thing that you don't fucking have great money management skills you don't right because you're in a fucked up position right now yeah yeah yeah

you really drive a fucked up car right living a fucked up place and I don't so stupid ass trust you got your shit together trust me so in Vegas though literally though um there have been times I don't know the economic state right now but I'm pretty sure I'm pretty sure it's pretty good now because it seems like a good time in the in the country as far as economics people having money yeah yeah when people have money they like to buy pussy so oh perfect so that you're telling me there's a lot of opportunity now what about my boyfriend do I get to bring him or do I leave him behind who gives a fuck fuck the boyfriend okay I mean who I mean who cares I don't know you've got a business deal you can got you you know it could be like Sharon stone and casino

yeah yeah you know what I mean okay double life whatever um but you should just the math is easy you can make about five grand a week you know wow that's really good but then when do you drop on that and that's an average you should really do better than that when you drop it on it but you're gonna give that all to me yeah what what's my take and everything you want what do you want I want five grand no I'm saying what do you want things what do you want oh stuff yeah what do you want I want I want a nice house I want a nice car I want like health insurance will you get my teeth fixed you got to hold the fuck up the more you hoe up the more you can get all that shit oh okay I'm gonna get it quick too we are and quick that's what I like I like quick I like

handbags okay so let me let me tell you another story listen up bitch so so you're like really skeptical about this you're like I don't want to I don't know about selling my pussy right like I don't mind a lap dance I don't know I'll dance yeah so take your strip club strip clubs are rough for like for like rookies and you come back bitches are mean to you yeah you can't get none of the special favors that they're fucking haters too they all hate me they're putting you on the stage when no money's out there like just all kind of shit and you're just like you're like this is bullshit so what what I would do is I would tell you to go out on a date with a friend of mine's girlfriend just go just go hang with her and watch what she does so she's

going to take you to a hotel room and a guy who's already been prearranged is going to come in and pay you guys two grand just to like dance or party and hang out with him and you might be expecting to have sex with him he's gonna be like no I just want to party and he gives you two grand and you come back to me and go I made a fucking thousand dollars for doing nothing I love this shit oh it's brilliant there's a thousand scenarios that and then and then there's the other side too where you're coming from a really fucked up situation yeah the fucked up life yeah like piece of shit people are doing bad things you and the house you live in you fucking hate your life yeah and you like just quickly go black pimp take me away yeah black pimp take me away

like cal gone take me away cal gone yeah I love this and I love some dope white pimps too okay I don't mind I like you I'll give you my pimp are there really dope white pimps yeah I mean it's really it's logic bro it's like logic and I'm I'm I'm I do the shit musically entertainment I find the humor in it yeah I make it educational but also it's fun yeah I'm not giving you the dark gift of the gab like the spitting game of it all everything all that yeah man view if you're a really talented pimp you you don't even ever have to touch her yeah literally I'm so it's all let me ask you this okay let's say there's a gentleman a lot of money mm-hmm he wants to do something okay maybe he wants he and his friend want a double anal with me I'm not sure I'm ready

for that how do you talk me into doing the double anal you would have a barter system going on there well okay and you'd call up another hoe that might not even be your pimp's other hoe you might like bitch I got a job for you and then she's gonna throw you a job no I mean I trade her out like I'll be like dude do you take this double anal and I'll take your piss in my eyes or just throw me a favor later because they're definitely gonna give her a whole bunch of money for that so there's a lot of money yeah she's gonna get a lot of money what else should get for a double anal what's that worth she better get about 2,500 and per guy whatever the whole thing 2,500 sounds very humiliating so yeah it's very that's probably a lot of it's not gonna be good it's gonna hurt black pimp take me

away I swear I believe you wait so what's your percentage all of it 100 and then you get the more you work you get you get spoiled yeah so you just so you just have you decide like how much of that I deserve per customer like there's no fixed rate you get no money oh stupid bitch oh you just keep me alive and like you give me a hand back every now and then you stay with the logo shit and the fucking fly-ass car he pays for the hemorrhoid cream for the double anal see how your nails all done nice my nails done my hair gets done that's all you do is just keep my shirt nice and you doll it up and you sit around you ball out and how much do I have to work like every night or do I get a night off the days to what's my schedule okay that's funny too because it's and this is

just from knowing in life yes like literally you might have a guy who's like you know go hit it like like four or five nights a week and the girl would be like I feel like I can get more and should be hitting that thing seven nights a week on my choice yeah and that's like that's over overachievers yeah over here they need over there in every walk of life yeah okay did you know this that is the best way to become a pimp is to actually find yourself with a real hoe like before before you even when you're a rookie pimp you get a veteran hoe oh right now okay so she kind of teaches you how to teach you how to be a pimp and then wow and then um just get your feet wet and then she'll probably like bring you a couple of a real hoe can make a pimp she can

like pick you like you look like you could be a pimp you kind of got the swag do this dress like that drive like that when you walk in the room act like that then she'll go get in two other holes and say I got the greatest pimp in the world be with him next you know you went from nobody to walk around with three hoes and they're bringing you how much 20 nothing 15,000 a week oh 15,000 a week oh sorry that was my take sorry I got confused I forget you get nothing do I get any spare cash this hoe don't know yet like some spare cash like because how do I get out of hoeing like here's the deal man once I'm in the hoeing like I want to see it like okay let's say I go with you I want to eventually I'm gonna age out of that shit I'm gonna tell you sneaky hoes do yeah tell me what a sneaky

hoe does sneaky hoes make 1500 a night and come home with a thousand oh they dare to not give you all the cash yeah but you sneaky ass hoes get their wigs pulled they're gonna get their shit that's bad I wouldn't want to be dishonest caught on a skate plan that's how you do it though you skim a little off the top because you look at your guy he might be like flamboyant and he's buying you a bmw and buying him a Rolls Royce you like my beamers nice but look what he right you know yeah right he's the big boss and you know they get they get mad a lot too hoes get mad of course because they figure it out eventually like whoa what the fuck man like in my case I party a lot so I get a random phone call and be like noise in the background and I'm like hello

like oh you fucking party and I'm out here I just ran from the fucking police and you're partying right so you just get like the whole blues that's why I'm not the whole blues that's why I'm not a pimp I said that's the main reason why I'm not because of those phone calls because of the fucking psychotherapy that yeah just the therapist part I don't like that part of therapizing the hoes now you gotta you have to be you have to be all that shit you gotta be a fucking father oh fucking boss or fucking accountant or motherfucking psychiatrist yeah oh yeah and much bullshit you know the just a whole venting and all this shit healings taught blah talks talks you don't want to hear that who about you Kevin you ever throw that thing around

a hoes don't appreciate they depreciate so oh there is really no escape plan there's no 401k ask what about his porn star relationships you have porn star relationships I've had many you dated porn stars oh yeah this is something that short gets on me about all the time he's like you're not supposed to like wife these girls up thank you I agree wham bam thank you ma'am but you've actually been in relationships as Sam Tripoli would say shout out to Sam I'm just a guy likes broken toys but he does monetize the relationships he does yeah come on yeah I'm Jewish I mean wait so tell me how though bitch get up and go to work go to work you do all right well you're one of these guys who has zero though insecurity about her doing her blowbang never

well I never did blowbang so my last girl was a webcam model okay that didn't sound they always have the webcam room with their house yeah yeah so you know people would come over my house and there'd be girls sitting on balloons in the other room doing all kinds of niches and kind of looks like this room right and everybody's like I'm trying to watch a basketball game and literally girls are like fingering each other in the other room and sitting on balloons and popping balloons they're like dude you've got like five hot chicks in the other room like why are we in here why are you watching a fucking game yeah I'm like because they're working they're working let them work damn you know she needs to buy some stuff and I don't want to I'm not paying for her hair it's 300 bucks

for her fucking hair fascinated by this was this was you you broke her sex tapes right yes and some big one the biggest ones the biggest one of all time was that wait was that before you dated girls in this industry or no I was dating a bunch of girls and in fact when I first met short like in 99 I was kicking it with this porn star named Houston oh I remember who was a friend of mine and she did the Houston 620 she yeah she fucked 620 guys in one day wow well 621 622 would have made her a whore that's the way I look by the way before I forget was it was it a marketing poll I remember being sad when getting it came out and you're like this the last album he's gonna retire yeah was that marketing because it's brilliant yeah it was just all it was all numbers that was our

our marketing scheme for that album was the um the retirement yeah what was it with all the media and stuff the announcement and then the party and shit and so you're like this is it and everyone's like oh shit this is it but at that time I had a that was my 10th album I remember and it's unheard of in hip hop like nobody had 10 out now you have 73 albums about 20 yeah 27 20 I don't know jeez Christ he's got a new album out right now called the pimp tape which is awesome awesome album it's also very educational it's like a reeducation all right let me get that shit for sure mm-hmm mm-hmm all right sorry but short short threatened to to retire like four different times and then he also threatened to get married when he did married married married to the game

album I got married on on hypothetically okay looking up right now on the internet yeah google married to the game it makes a lot of sense shorts shorts a player for life too short married to the game short one question what's the most common thing men buy when they buy a prostitute what's the what's the thing you sell the most bj's straight I think you'd have to ask a hoe I never I never asked a hoe what did you do tonight they don't tell you I don't want to know I don't know yeah that's true I really don't fair enough that's his wedding picture right there there okay makes sense right yeah yeah yeah oh yeah look at the one I never seen that one over there go up go down over there to the right with the two brides by themselves hey hey go there's a great that was a great wedding night

I bet oh boy what's the most women you've had at once uh four four at the same time yeah yeah I never was into that thing where you like bang a chick then like wash up and go bang another I never seen that shit like before at once I was never into that because I like I like the indulge yeah okay so if I'm indulging there must be something I'm really into I don't I don't want that bang how to get the fuck out and then looking around bang like I'm not I'm not a pervert like that but the night that I had the four chicks it was like I think they were all like rolling super rolling they were all feeling good and shitting and we were in a hotel room and I was messing with one girl and you know she told the other girl it was good okay I try yeah it was good and they like

passed me around it passed you around I thought that I was doing it to them until I thought back on a years later and I was like they fucked me yeah they ran the train on me they did damn poor man but you know short sitting in the shower a little rave shower with the water coming down I just feel so used and they they argued over the last condom too I remember that shit they argued over the last one who's gonna get that last bang man do I have a the same story to tell you so those looks yeah so we can all just tell our old host stories we all have old host stories that's right we all fucking make me the only hole in the room you know I've got some old host don't even talk to me about your old hoes why you're the nastiest of all them I was

pretty nasty oh stop you guys are married right yeah yeah that's the best yeah so you guys try to you guys try the old hoes stories we have yeah but he's nastier than me I remember you're Thomas no stay at that Puerto Rican I do love Puerto Rican dude you went like this like there was two clocks at one time I never did I never get away so let's never admit it how about the how do you get so nerdy a sex tape and then become like all right I can handle getting this out there how do you get the first one that's what I'm saying yeah that's a good story so um I had some friends that weren't allowed to really be in the internet business or telecom business based upon some kind of activity let's just say they were wanted by some people

they called me up one day and said hey we got this tape of the social lighter name is Paris Hilton and um we really want to put it out just like our friend Seth did with the Pam and Tommy Lee tape so we knew all these guys from back in the day and I knew what kind of a debacle that became the Pam and Tommy Lee thing that was a scandal from the start it was like a scam it was never stolen or lost it just well no it was stolen it was that 100% was stolen out of their house it was stolen did they make money of it they never made a dime okay that so that was the standard of what not to do that was a standard of what not to do so some friends of mine in Seattle who who had learned through that said we know what to do with this but we can't put our names on this and and

we want you to go out there and publicize this thing for us and I'm like well what's the worst thing that could happen I'm a PR guy in the in the porn business and this tape is interesting and I met with the guy who had the tape he was a roommate of this guy Rick Solomon who's now known as Rick the Dick that's Rick in the in the Paris tape or as we call him the 50% copyright owner of the tape so Rick around that time Rick was banging a bunch of hollywood shenan dordy all sorts of like Hollywood people he was the guy that was on the inside of now can I ask you before you go further did they make that with this intent or was it made for fun another good question so originally the lighting was pretty good it was the original tape was a green x-ray vision tape if you remember

correctly what her eyes are kind of glowing in the dark that was the tape that came to us originally and was not supposed to ever see the light of day because we didn't have the rights to put it out Paris had not signed off on it Rick had not signed off on it and all we got was a bullshit story from Rick's roommate who said he's got the rights he's going to do it for Rick so we gave this guy $50,000 up front and a third of the back-end profits was our deal until I went and sent two clips out to the media one to Us Weekly and one to Entertainment Tonight oh you know Broklus this is what became known as the very first viral video because that got sent to editors who sent it to their friends who sent it to other people who made up the title that was a dope title one night in Paris I know

I wish I could take credit for it it's like naming a song right I wish I could take credit for it but Rick Solomon actually came up with it with uh David Joseph the owner of red light district video so we had the original uh tape I got sued for $10 million wait hold on did Paris consent to it being sold at the time or at that time no in fact nobody actually knows this and I'm going to tell you guys the story because this is what we do why I made exclusive so um everybody was suing everybody and people were going online trying to find this tape and they were literally a hundred million dollars being made fraudulently by people saying that they had the Paris Hilton sex tape in their members area and back then you could join for $200 and see it and they would get in there and

there was nothing there but everybody was using the rights of publicity which means that you know Too Short is the only person in the entertainment business that could use the name Too Short that says rights of publicity Tom Segura you're the only person who could use the name Tom Segura so using Paris Hilton or Rick Solomon's name you'd be infringing on their on their mark and a lot of people were doing that so at one point when they were everybody was suing everybody Rick in Paris had a conversation and they were like look everybody's making money on this thing we should go back and make our own tape and put it out there and if you notice it's a very well lit yeah so they go back and like this time we're shooting they go to the four seasons in Beverly

Hills wow and they shoot it and she gets final cuts because you'll notice in that movie there's really no nasty come shots there's no up close shots of her vagina or her ass she didn't come shot in the other one well there's a come shot in it but it's not like there's a pretty boring yeah very boring but she did make the dick come she did she made she she worked i put in work i'm sure the four seasons loves this and what's funny is i told this to harvey levin years ago and harvey levin put it on the tmz bus tour so originally when people are going up and down they would say oh wait the four seasons when they go back yeah they shoot it she has final cut right and then they give it to you and they're like here it is they gave it to us uh along with my

brother who now got involved with this with a with a web company up in san francisco and we put up hotel eras dot com which was the only legal place to put it out online and of course we um how do you monetize it though uh people would join for twenty nine ninety five a month oh okay and they were buying dvds back then you know now we just kind of pre-card ashen this is pre-card ashen this is pre-porn hub this is pre like nobody paying for porn anymore so it was a big it was a big win though it sold more dvds than any other adult movie in the history of adult move wow and it was a huge website for many years and in fact it still makes money all these years later still makes money not a lot of money but i mean if you go to porn hub people you know you could see the

parasolting clip for free right but now it's monetized by the traffic and the advertising on there wow so yeah that kind of so you can still make money from traffic on a like a porn site like a free tube site oh yeah really people make money because you're you're buying clicks and you're actually monetizing it like you know years ago it in a niche website niche being like midgets let's say uh one in like 50 people looking for little people online would buy and convert so that was good traffic right a heterosexual site maybe one in 200 back in the day now because there's so many hits on porn hub you got to like one in maybe like 50 000 will join will actually join okay but they're still conversions it's still converts it's still conversion and the more specific

you get and the more niche oriented you get the better off celebrity sex tapes always been the number one driver on search engines just the mere mention that there's a sex tape out there of a celebrity people go on google they go on yahoo they go bananas looking for that sex tape so how i've heard stories by the way um that that the kardashian sex tape was like very orchestrated like as an idea from the start like this is what will get me to the next level at first kim kardashian as you know was a really good friend of paris uh and she saw the phenomena happened in the paris and she said i want to be big and famous too i don't want to just be some hanger on yeah i'm going to put out my tape and i'm going to leak it for free and that's when ray

j came to me and a friend of mine and we had a meeting with him and he was like look you know she wants to put this thing out there for free i'm like no no no no no no you guys could make lots of money with this yeah and he's like well let's do this and i said well let me take you over to a couple places so initially i wanted to bring him over to red light which is where we did the one night in paris and then i wanted to take him to vivid he kind of sidestepped me went to go see joe frances over at girls gone wild who was best friends with vivid they kind of cut me out of the whole thing but again i'm okay i ain't mad at it yeah you know we all i'm still making money off sex tapes all these years later because people still come to me with sex tapes wow but you don't

put them out no now i make sure they go away and and if they're people what wait if you're a decent person more money and making them go away yeah is that even possible well it depends on the circumstance and if you're a copyright holder you know obviously if i steal your so much would you pay for your sex tape to go away we're just going to talk about this um so what do you think well tom and i'm making one yeah so like i'm not talking about one of the old ones though a sure how much we just made it make it go away god oh i wish there was one oh stop it there's no Puerto Rican tape how dare you that doubled can you guys i wish i could see it and i'd love to see that if you guys did a double anal tape i'm pretty tom and i yeah i mean listen i'm pretty gross do you

know we're both i'm i have two but two children i'm 42 the boobs aren't where they used to be you know what i mean this is exactly what goes to swinger parties guys people that look just like you stay away from the bukkake yeah stay away from the kaki oh no i wouldn't dream of it have you been to a bukkake party short i just found out what that shit was last week that's crazy our radio show tonight that airs on page uh is the most after they described it though i recognize it from japanese porn it's some it's some yeah yeah they love that stuff yeah they love it it's a form of japanese porn should be i work criminal i worked with a comic one time from oakland who uh you know i brought you up like just like you know we talked about music and he was like oh yeah i hang out with

short dogs sometimes like really and then i asked him like what's that leg he's like i mean if you hang around with him long enough you'll get your dick suck that's a true story that i could vouch for i'm a great wing man the more the more short hung out with us the more he got his dick sucked oh that's great yeah i met short we booked him for a player's ball that was the name of our porn party he was telling you about yeah and we had done it at a place called the state palace theater in new orleans and we have told the story a million times on our show but it was the weekend of the bayou classic which is basically two black colleges playing each other southern mississippi and i was like rambling yeah yeah so um needless to say new orleans was doing good man

am i thinking oh that's a high school right yeah i think so all right but needless to say new orleans was very dark that weekend and he was sent out to go play a party for two black black brothers is what he thought my brother and i are the black brothers b l a t t oh yeah b and d money k bezel and d money that was our gnome to gear anyway he shows up at the state palace theater and people are having sex on the dance floor and there's a VIP rooms there's blow jobs going on he comes back and he looks at two white boys dressed as pimps yeah and i'm suited and booted with a biggie smalls hat my brother's in a red suit he goes what is going on i'm like hey man we're so happy to have you here tonight yeah i'm such a big fan of yours because just like you i grew up listening to two

short of course and cleave one yeah i was bumping too short you know from 1984 on yeah so um yeah he's like uh all i know is i'm supposed to be playing for two black brothers like oh no we're the black brothers yeah he was the black brothers like yeah and he's like i thought you guys were black and i'm like why don't we kind of are i also love like him and he looked at me because i don't care man i don't care what you guys do what's going on how can i be down because there is people butt ass naked out there penthouse pets porn stars yeah so that was that was my initial that's a kickoff it was a great kickoff because we got to we got him to play with kid capri and uh slick rick that night and it was all my hip hop idol that's awesome man you know back then i wasn't really like

participating with me like avian awards and then and that shit and then you hear these guys come along and they're like got the backstage passes to the avian awards and yeah we're like sure we want to book you at the playboy mansion for a party he's like i'm down you know that's yeah we had some good times so that's how he became friends i'm happy to say 20 years later and i host a show with with two short were friends i was in limo with kb19 these chicks are like porn chicks they're like i wish i could just fuck a regular guy right now i'm like man let me out the car i think you went in right hey maybe a little but we had male talent that didn't show up that night i'm cheap so i'm like hey you know what your wish is my command so are you in porn's no no well not as far as you

guys would know okay what is that i don't know that means his ding a ling's been thrown around all your dogs went in there there's a thing called pov yeah all right and there's no pressure he don't feel the pressure maybe now more because i'm 50 i don't know if i would do it now but back then i was kind of out of my mind yeah i had a good time back then got you sure i want to ask you a question so i realized this like when we when they when they said you're coming on i was so excited and i had i remembered that a while ago like maybe over a year ago i was on my boy handle burris's podcast handle this great comic dj tony trim and randomly i forget how we got into it but we brought up um blow the whistle the song and i realized that in my memory i was like oh i broke down

what that song's about like i was a professor teaching them and then i realized that you were about to come here i was like i don't really i don't know if i got it right i just decided that so can can we show it to you tell me if i was accurate or not let's go i like by the way do you really really explore at the time i didn't i'll just be honest the concept of blow the whistle it's actually pretty deep concept in and of itself that he's a referee calling a personal foul on you taking his expression of that word right like that's pretty i didn't catch it that's what the song was about yeah so the song yeah blow the whistle is that he's a ref basically blowing the whistle so he's you're saying you're saying biatch the way he said it you're stealing from him

man he's coming from the perspective of the referee he is playing a character so he whistles like remember he does like that Dave Chappelle i'm proud of you man yeah but like you're saying bitch like i say and so are all these other blow the whistle that's a good way to call somebody out it is man that guy fucking up blow the whistle that's pretty cool actually that it doesn't get credit for that because it's always getting a dick suck but how'd i do uh you were on on it kind of but um it goes a little bit further than that okay because um once again if you just listen to the words it's actually i'm the ref and i'm blowing the whistle on people who are doing things they shouldn't be doing it's not it's not really the word bitch in the song it talks about doing too much

drugs partying too much standard for days just doing shit that you shouldn't be doing and it's like you know it talks about falling downhill and just you know just if you can't hang with the big dog stay on the point you can't do this shit so because you keep fucking up so it kind of goes in life in general if you see somebody fucking up just blow you know blow the whistle a man blow the flag on him you know whatever the fuck i was almost there you were you were going up that i was like is he gonna get it all right all right some little kids told me it means suck my dick really all right that i didn't that wasn't my meaning but it's like yeah like it means suck my dick generally i'm just saying all right all right we're cool man i'm glad to know that i

almost got it right you almost i had no idea i just like i was i was um owning the word bitch it was why you say it was starting to be an argument out there of where it came from and overheard that argument one day and somebody was saying now too sure i made this shit let's get the fuck out of here that should come and they were logically putting it all over the world and i'm like nah i got it i got to own this yeah because you definitely so it's it's cemented now it's like it's not there's no dispute no dispute no debate it is solid too short said made it that's it and i um you gotta give a little credit to Rudy Ray Moore yeah because i can take it back to some of his songs when he's in duller my character yeah and he's talking in the movies

and on some of his records and he goes bitch yeah and he doesn't i'm like me and my rap partnered back in the day we didn't get it from him per se yeah but he was one of our influences so sure you know indirectly that's the that's where it ended up so he's getting a little credit to okay but you you're the one that's i mean you made it yeah you that's you yeah and then you know snoop dog when he got with death row right he doesn't and they adopted it and then kind of i give snoop the credit for making it go so pop yeah but i i gave it to so many millions of people and then he was one of the ones who got it ingrained in him and he passed it on to so many more million and then everybody felt you know i've seen comedians dusting it on tv show it is

embedded in pop culture i'm got people go you should copyright it and own it i'm like no do you have the button with you as sitting in the trunk of the car it's in the trunk hopefully yeah short's now marketing these buttons the bitch buttons oh you could find on the short store dot com oh yeah and you basically hit the button and it says bitch oh man we gotta get one of these i said thank you yeah thank you now let me ask you about this i'm about to turn 40 trying to get it i'm a big hip hop fan this jewelry what's up with that chain man tell her where i can get one um you got a good jeweler for her to call oh for god's sakes um yeah a lot of hip hop jewels out here i i feel like uh that's a tough one man because i i had different

kind of jewelry for different kind of reasons yeah yeah okay and the bling bling is you gotta have a purpose for you know yeah if you don't really have a purpose it's just like a waste of money it's silly you gotta flash it in videos and tell him the story you told him on the show but he's fucking too short baby he needs the chain you're tom segura the comedian you really fucking need a chain for that he's a famous rapper yeah yeah maybe he's a famous rapper everybody needs pimping tools there you go yeah so i know everybody everybody needs pimping i don't know about everybody i how am i gonna get hoes if i don't have nice jewelry literally though if you if you rolled up with some bigger rims on your car yeah and some jewelry on start spitting life

would change yeah that's all you need for hoes that's but then you you wouldn't get nice ladies you'd get hoes yeah you don't get night the nice ladies don't that's cool i'm down respond to that i want to check out offices do attractive yeah what are you saying have you seen um you never gotta go back and research some white pimps white pimps get it we've seen i've seen the documentary yeah mr. white folks i think you could play mr. white folks i'm close to it snoop used to call me mr. white folks when he's really yeah he thought i was the guy that was then he saw white boys and he thought i was the guy that was a white boy this white folks he thought you were mr. white he gave me my nickname kbizzle oh yeah that sounds like it's my company man

getting a as a white guy getting a nickname from a black rapper it was after he won his adult award for doggy style where you guys having a picture this was actually at a uh he had what's it called he air bmb to place here in la okay so he was like he was handable handable was like fuck hotels i remember he was like yeah i don't like smart everybody you know know where i'm staying yeah i fucking hate me well that guy single handedly brought bill cosby down i realized that right well i mean he got he he you know he was actually just doing a bit at a he got in trouble he got in trouble he got mad at him when he said he got mad at him for just saying like just somebody crazy elite like not supposed to be recording right you know just records that puts it out and then that whole people were like

oh yeah and started you know and that's why they have the yonder bags now when chappelle plays lock those phones away now shit is crazy may i ask you something you don't think if you could find a nice lady who took care of you cook for you that you could wife up like would you ever wife a lady up i've been in relationships i'm not i'm not devoid of relationship really what when's the last time you had one um i'm always really i mean like a serious like seriously they're all serious oh like i'm what what is there no real love in your future in my past present and future there is love i'm telling you you can't not a fucking superhero you gotta you gotta have it you gotta have love of course but i mean is there a a miss is too

short in the future let's put it like this the women women in my life understand what i do for living and you know it's the don't let the music persona distort the reality there's a heart in there all right i know i want to see him what do you think i do on christmas i don't know just fuck all the sand is reindeer's and shit no you stop being a player right around um right when it gets cold outside yeah and then you start back up like right around now yeah that's true i think my dad did that same shit that that's when he would bring some girl around and like here's your new mom and i'm like yeah i know oh he would have been a good pimp and then come spring no more mom yeah yeah yeah i know totally dude he could teach a seminar he's got numbers he's got numbers because he gets

bitches used to clean his house for him and do all kinds of stuff pretty solid yeah yeah we really knew how to he knew and there's a lot of ways to go wrong with the shit too like i know a guy who um i know a guy who was fascinated by the look of it and just the idea of it so he went to an older pimp and he said teach me the game and the older pimp was like flattered he was like because you know the guy had the look you know he yeah he was playing the part but he wasn't really in him yeah so the older pimp went for it he's like but that's what you got to do and he like really schooled him for like a long time like two fucking years of some shit and this guy figured it out but he did one thing wrong the first hoe he ever had was his girlfriend

and they had been together and they were like taking in all absorbing all this pimp talking shit they're like yeah we're gonna do this so what happens is she started working she liked it she liked how he at some point was like you know realizing the dark side and and realizing really inside him that he wasn't about that now he loves this woman before he loved her before they started this and he's like in his mind trying to get her to take a turn with him like let's do something different she's like fuck no that's the money it's that shit yeah so she literally got to the point where she was like well you go if they crushed him they crushed him yeah he went from from good kid to pimp

to like church boy wow he went straight to the church like it it does that to you you could you could man you could end up in situations where you're so called controlling these women and things happen to him and that guilt you can never get over that shit no that's when you go straight to the church yeah you go out there and say uh go to work at that money night baby she never comes back ever in life ever again like whoops yeah and whose fault is that but luckily white pimp that's right luckily there's other hoes out there so i'd be like she's dead anyway what's up pimp talk to you damn it now let me ask you this because you are that's the beauty of two short too is you can sing two short songs to your woman yeah and then kind of mean it but kind of don't yeah

maybe i'm singing a song i'm just singing a song like bitch suck my f*** yeah you think i haven't heard some of that shit over the years uh come on man what is what is okay you've been in rap games this long all the success what's the dumbest shit you've ever bought oh i love this question that's a great question i'm dying to know this myself yeah um i think um i had a one time the first time i ever negotiated for a big check uh i remember uh the check arriving and it was uh it was gonna come in increments like four checks that totaled about like two million like so i figured they were gonna come quick too because it was like we don't want to give you all this money one day we'll give it to you over like 90 days some sh** like that so the first one came and logically

knowing that there were more coming i'm like i'm f***ing this one up yeah so literally i just it's just dumbest sh** i could ever think of um it started it was probably like 97 and it started um like the in one week i think i bought like a hundred fifty thousand dollar car i bought a f***ing hundred thousand dollar boat i went and bought two f***ing jet skis with a truck to pull them whoa and a truck for the boat yeah and f***ing um it was just like it was a spending spree of of you know what this was the logic you know what i've been making this money and living this life doing all this good sh** this one time i'm just gonna f*** it all off yeah yeah i didn't do it a lot of life but that one time i f***ed it off and about two years later i went on a good

roll too because i was like oh that new beamer's out oh oh no sh** they made the special edition oh so about two years i was like i thought i was like this baller dude who and hip hop was kind of preaching that sh** at the time that was just the bad boy videos and the bling bling air and everybody was like platinum jewelry and diamonds all this sh** and people were spending a million dollars on videos and sh** it was just out of hand and out of control in hip hop so i woke up um it was 1999 and all the talk was y2k y2k the possibly sh** could happen the computers aren't gonna reset they're gonna reset when they're not supposed to the stupid y2k sh** remember right right yeah well it's gonna end at night 1999 when 2000 comes in they're like have bottled water

have everything ready to go so it was 1999 and the world was about to end yeah and i looked out in my driveway one morning i woke up i had a big ass f**king house with like a driveway that you could it was like a three-car garage but the driveway could hold like another 15 cars yeah and walk outside my house there's three cars in the garage and there's like eight cars in the driveway and they're all mine i'm like i'm like i spend every day taking one of these f**king cars to the shop to get the stereo fixed to the rim the rims f**king rotated or the god this was just so much sh** yeah and it was that moment that little two-year period i just realized you stupid mother f**k like you really ended up with eight cars i was one driver yeah yeah and

i've never done that sh** it was like a fire so i even um at that point something really great happened because it was this whole end of the world sh** i um 2000 kicked in the world didn't end and i was like i'm gonna do something spectacular so i told like a bunch of my close personal friends i was like everything f**ked up last year i f**king lost every f**king dime i had i think i'm about to lose my f**king house every i'm f**k i'm f**k because i used to be the guy who would always take everybody dinner but you know the everything's on me when we go out just everything make sure everybody make money i just wanted i was experiment i was only gonna do it for like six months or something and i just like i just told everybody for a lot i i was in the house

organizing music files and doing some personal you know sh** i had all this music all these files all this sh** i think mp3s were new i was converting all my sh** to mp3 and i just really like was i thought the world was going so i really i was like i got a little free time in my hand in the world in here so i i played this trick and guess what probably about like 95 percent of my friends just quit calling really yeah and then it was like but in this industry you kind of know yeah that you have acquaintances and you have friends right and i still have the same friends i had since f**king high school so that just tells you how the sh** went but but i just wanted to see people people say sh** like this you give a guy um a $25,000 check for some sh** he did in

music he's the guy who never had money like that $25,000 you earned it bro he goes man i f**king love you i will f**king anything you need i will kill somebody for you now that was always my like red flag somebody says yeah i'll kill like no that's not what the check is for right right but um as soon as that money's gone like they're like yeah like you got 25 more you're like no that was you only earned 25 yeah like well f**k you there man yeah yeah it's just it's just funny like that so sure yeah so um yeah that was that was a eye opener i've never had eight cars at the same time since then i don't take on a lot of f**king close circle personal friends and you know yeah smart you're in the circle okay smart i'm in the circle yeah i'm very fortunate he has not betrayed the

mafia yet not yet no and how did you guys so how'd you hook up to like where did the idea to come to do this the radio show well i was um it's another good question uh Rolling Stones doing a feature on me that's supposedly coming out next month it's all about me too it's all about uh fixing did you do that a long time ago we did yeah we talked to her like what eight months ago so it's been taking a little while but it's finally coming out uh i brought amanda the writer down to meet short downtown because i thought i'd give her a little cross section of some of the people i deal with you know i f**ked with a lot of people so she was so blown away by too short and she was like this is great what nice guys what a great facility short's got a place downtown

called the boombox it's about a 30 000 square foot facility and every really really about 15 000 is it 15 i'm sorry this is like just where you work this is my like where your your play room like that thing it's my thing it's his compound he's got he's got a giant studio downtown yes that's painted like a boombox and the uh the middle where the cassette would be is the actual window into the studio but he's got different rooms he's got a barber shop in there he's got him nice and there's there's recording equipment in every room so if you're inspired you know he's got artists down there that are working in every single room it's like a factory a hit factory so anyway i brought down the writer she loved it and she started saying something about a podcast

and short's like you know we should really do a podcast together again because we did one last a couple years ago when he did it and it was really what a fun time he had snoop and ice cube and yeah Chanel West Coast and a bunch of cool you did you were on the Chanel show yeah so that was that was that was that was a that was kind of like the green light for me was that we had big big big names on the show yeah Russell Simmons and i mean they just the list went on actors sports play yeah and the Chanel and KB show Chanel West Coast yeah from Ridiculousness yeah that was the highest rated show yeah so i ended up being on the highest rated show but it was i i enjoyed it it was because he says shit like um what the fuck did you say on that show

who knows probably told a bunch of sex stuff yeah you say shit oh he's like he's like um we're just having a normal conversation like this and then kb goes yeah like when kim Kardashian got peed on yeah the original tape she was getting peed on was she really yeah rej was being on her rej denied it and kevin denied it but i know what i saw well we were just talking about Chuck Berry's video today over that was Chuck Berry rock and roll yeah he was yeah oh yeah he pissed off before r kelly yeah farts like as she's blown i heard about and then he's like he's like did i far she's like yeah he's like yeah sometimes i do that so maybe maybe r kelly saw that shit and you got yeah yeah maybe yeah like a mint mint work kind of thing going on through possibly possibly

yeah i mean look there's a lot of sex tapes out there that you know about all right let's talk about the sex tapes we don't know about okay thank you kb is a he's a cold brother you know what he does what's that he's like look at this shit and he shows me his phone i'll show him pictures all kind of people you know doing what and it's not just sex i mean years ago i showed short a video clip of Justin Bieber singing a song with the n word in it yeah that got out that got out he had purchased at five different times and spent hundreds of thousands to make it go away when he was 16 he finally had to just fess up and i showed it to short and sure it's like yeah that did careers done we all we all thought it'd be done what's was he singing just someone's lyrics or was like this his

own he had a song called one less lonely girl and he was like one less lonely n words one less he wrote it well he was just like yeah trying to get reaction out of his white friends they're all laughing along with them but it was not nice and uh granted he was a kid all right back to the sex tapes yeah back to the sex tapes but so yeah does Bieber have a sex tape uh no no i'll tell us one i'd be surprised i've signed a lot of nda so i can't talk about some of them yeah but i will say that the tom seismor tape which did come out eventually was probably one of the most disturbing tapes i've ever seen this name like movies or something say so-and-so somebody from this movie and somebody from that movie well tom seismor had the pre-epism which is when you have a hard

on for longer than four hours that's what they warn you against right like name names and you like blink once or twice um that was a bad one i would say uh okay so i'm crew but why was it a bad one tom seismor it was bad because he was high on crystal meth and he had five hookers in the chateau marmont and he's talking in the camera and he's just glazed and you're like whoa i feel bad for this guy yeah and then legal it actually came out commercially vivid put it out for a little while it wasn't he's hanging the five hookers yes jesus man i had the colin ferrell sex tape as well which was a really interesting tape that really with the black chick yeah with nicole naran she was one of the uh seven black playmates in the history of playboy wow but when i first saw it i was my

good friend nicole man she's cool uh i was actually taken in a trunk of a car because these guys didn't have what you wrote in the trunk of a car before yeah i am this guy's calling me up and like yo are your hands free yeah but i was just going up sunset plaza because they didn't have room in their honda to get me up there but i was such a horror one you got kidnapped in the honda for mel's drive ever kidding at me kidding at me and something better nice man i better be a cord like 2019 of course some real trunk space man they um they put me up to this house i got a little string in there you could let yourself up i i wasn't really worried because they wanted 1.2 million dollars for the sex tape but they knew i was the only guy that was going to be able to get it

for them so when i actually went into this house did you kind of kick back like then like sort of like relax like when i got in the house i was like what you doing a truck man what you doing you're doing yeah don't you just i was like this for a second i mean even the the trunk was even did you call your brother no i called him right after this all happened by the way i just got out of the trunk i'm in a trunk right now i drove up from san diego i was living in carlsback in the trunk yeah great great two shorts on by the way yeah in the trunk featured in black panther featured in the opening scene that's right that was a big deal big deal big check big check uh in the trunk is cracked so yeah i was in the trunk i was some friendly ass kid in that present

yeah for real i ended up going into this uh mansion and they put the vhs tape in and there's collin ferrell you didn't really get kidnapped they said get in the trunk because they don't have room for you they said we weren't really planning on showing it to you and we don't have room in the backseat of our car but we don't want you following us up in your car so you would be to get blindfolded to put in the trunk of the car i get it you left out the blindfold i get it it was like you can't know where i was going so i went up it was literally three and a half minutes to the house i now recognize it was sunset plaza that i was going up first windy road because i wasn't living in la at the time i go in there they put the vhs tape in and there he is the shaved head

naked with the biggest penis i've ever seen in my life for a little guy who's that collin collin and he looks at the call he goes girl i could do this for fucking breakfast fucking lunch and fucking dinner i could eat that kitty and i'm like and he's got a cigarette dangling from his mouth and his holy againness i'm like if this isn't like just like tripod off but dude this guy i was like does he breathe through this thing who found her she was filming it she was filming it with her handheld camera okay okay and i'm just going holy shit this is amazing i knew her at the time that was a scandal she was like i'm about to be rich yeah she really didn't work did they make money from this no we shut it down um oh he he wanted it to be shut down he had to pay a lot

of money for it to go really it didn't go to her did not go to her wait why does it so because you're talking about like you know having rights in the copper why does so how does it work if like if you're the person in it who are you paying to make it go away so why so let's say um you're going through an airport you guys travel yeah a lot you got your laptop on one of those little things going through tsi yeah and you get held back or whatever and all of a sudden somebody makes off with your laptop okay okay somebody gets in your laptop they try to put out this tape they can't put it out legally because if they're not on it you and christine are the only two people okay in a sex tape she's a 50 copy right holder you're a 50 copy right holder right now if i get

a hold of your computer i might have possession of your computer but i don't own your computer right which makes me in possession of stolen material right which is how we shut down 90 of them if you don't have the rights of publicity and you don't have the rights from at least one of the people and even one of the people is problematic because you need to have both people so in this scenario though let's say we use your scenario yeah so then it's like so tom you know kevin's got it or whatever um and i don't want it to get out right am i just paying you to give me my laptop back or what you're doing is you're basically hiring me to go out there and vet the person that has it i'm going to find out how they got it what their intention is with them and 90 percent of time

you know we now live in this tmz world yeah people want to go and they feel this is newsworthy oh tom segura he's a huge comic we're going to put this out as a story he's got a sex tape being sold around the valley well tom segura might have a deal with tizney coming up and you're probably the next shaggy dog and you don't need that because you're going to get two million dollar pigs it's a pretty cool porn set you guys have by the way thanks man this does look very very pretty it could do some good the dog head maybe yeah this neighborhood is very porny by the way i can tell you stories about what goes on before porny porny yeah it's porny um but yeah so what we do is that you would actually me alongside with your lawyers we would coordinate

getting this stuff back to you okay and make sure that there's no copies so but is that money being paid going to you and the lawyers or also that guy who just so he needs a payoff well they go away when you pay them okay you know they're horrors too and later on the people who tried to bravely put them out wouldn't they they're just so boring most the most part right nobody really made money like paris yeah yeah look i will say this another exclusive on ymh oh wow okay hold on i this is a ymh exclusive so exactly a year ago last week i was shocked a woman calls me up and she's like do you have a secure line for me to talk to you right like i'm like in the cone of silence or something i'm like okay yes i get on a whatsapp call with her and i'm like what do you have she says a guy sent

me a tape of this model slash actress four years ago and she is tossing his salad and it's you know oral sex yes eat the scrum and i said great how do you know this guy well he's a photographer he's based in florida i was doing some stuff with him okay and who's the person we're talking about and she was beating around the bush and beating around the bush i said who is the person we're talking about here before i call my lawyer and get anybody involved in this you have to tell me so then she says her name is megan and she's about to marry a prince you know what yeah this story is not true too it is true i'll show i'm gonna show you the email communications and you'll see why she's got a picture of a brunette second and dick from the

top of her head i'm here to tell you that i believe you believe it's like an error some shit right in my opinion i believe this is megan and you believe she's she's eating this again i i know what i saw delicious treat and when i reached out to the lawyer and i told him look this is what's going on is she in the change the diaper allegedly guys allegedly we're gonna say allegedly allegedly are his legs pulled up like she's going to change this diaper can't see her man you can't see her i'm tell i seen a she he saw one still photo but i saw show us the shit bro sing your phone i don't have no way she's a lady i got rid of it case in her poll or am i six or a theater listener it is now gone yes it is not in my phone if anyone's

listening kevin's got it yeah or i have nothing to do with this the woman in canada who called me has it damn anyway so yeah that's the kind of stuff raise it's gonna snitch her out there like that uh but there was another time i will say this can i tell the story about when you told about some guy calling me you gave somebody my number about a sex tape you can say his name okay well he's not going to see us anytime soon he might he i hope not he calls me up one day goes hey man i gave your name to a friend of mine he's got a sex tape i'm like oh okay cool he's gonna be calling you i'm at bed bathroom beyond with my ex-fiance i love that place shopping for curtains i see an eight one eight number pop up i answer the phone hey is this kb

yeah it's shook what excuse me it's shook i'm like i can't hear you it's really loud in here it sounds like you're saying it's shook it's shook night and i think it's my brother fucking with me and i'm like the money come on man what you fucking fucking with me for and then i realized hey my brother wouldn't know the shook nights calling me and he goes i'm Todd's friend well two shorts real name as you know yeah of course Todd Todd that's when i realized oh fuck short gave my number to shook night so then he proceeds to tell me what he has and he's got a tape of a very famous rapper's wife who's not with him and i'm like dude this is not something you want to put out honest to god we can't put it out legally and i'm trying to teach shook night

about the law yeah and he's like well fuck that i'm putting this thing out this is how much money did he mention the jailo one yes with the ohani no that came to me a couple times back when the Oscar de la Hoya stuff started happening too that's in my rolling stone article by the way it was a jailo jailo had a sex tape with her first husband the guy by the name of ohani noa that was shot many years ago they shut that down as well so that never came out okay but the one that shook did he end up putting it out no that one never came out um but for two days it was pretty hairy and i was like i had to say no to him i couldn't get involved with them yeah yeah i was scared about uh oscar he just went away too right oscar de la hawia's had three different things

shopped him he got he got shit out there he's got shit out there the first couple things he was in women's uh leggings and stuff i've seen that photo upside down and oh i've seen that photo yeah well the last thing i got the wedding dressing with the yeah he was in a wedding dress the second time but this third time a couple months back somebody came to me with the tape and he was running around his apartment in pasadena and he's got um he's got a way you know the location because they were the hooker said that they came off a seeking arrangement to his place and he was out of his mind on coke on coke yeah he had a big problem a huge problem yeah he's running around and he's got a whisk in his rectum okay yeah and then i have no idea what a whisk is a whisk isn't that

he makes you make your kicks next to him for that short what a screw so he's got the handle of it you know make cupcakes and he's running around out of his mind and the girls are videotaping this and i'm like oh my god this poor guy yeah granted you know whatever and then he puts a another like a spatula handle up there and they're like playing around with it and i'm like oh my god you know and all i'm thinking is if i'm some chick i'd be more worried about sleeping over i mean you know askers can still fight right yeah i know and he's got a lot of money yeah any from la fuck around i'm more afraid of that motherfucker cooking me breakfast in the morning because i don't want to get pink eyed you know it's gross but uh yeah that was um it was an

extortion attempt oh it was yes by the hose by the hose and the fbi got involved and i ended up meeting with the fbi and the uh the writer was from rolling stone was with me when i showed up to meet with the feds and the feds flipped the fuck out they're like what are you doing bring a writer with you i'm like well she's fought with me dude so did did they are they like prosecuting those girls they prosecuted the girls that tracked it down to a woman in florida yeah sometimes i get involved with law enforcement that's serious shit i'd like to turn my uh my powers towards the good i've seen the lajoya pose you know that picture with the leggings and the heels my kb called me one day he's like this chick that you know is involved in a really big scandal

with the football player he's like can you do me a favor call her right now and tell her shut the fuck up yes just tell her shut up and don't say shit and she just ran her mouth ran her mouth yeah man that's the problem with a lot of shooting in no dough no dough no dough this is the problem with the me too generation there's a lot of girls that actually have legitimate you know gripes you know when you're talking about wine scene you're talking about it's not a me too generation well but it's it's we're living in a different movement it's a movement so there's a lot of girls now that don't have like significant claims but they want to become famous sure this started with the tiger woods thing years ago there are two girls that actually had sex with tiger woods

17 mistresses come out of nowhere so everybody wants to be famous everybody wants to be like too short that's right wow you need talent to do that yeah yeah well that's what i used to say you guys have pimp names yeah yeah christina p if you're a pimp you can just go buy a cigar oh yeah see oh shit now i just need to get the chain and then you're the female pimp you'd be christina p yeah for real i could keep that as my pimp name too yeah we that's what we call pimp we're calling pee oh shit i didn't even know that what a pee what a pee are there any lady pimps yeah i call them madams and ladies is pimps too there's a movie out right now um um what's my girl's name uh she was on the show too uh kiki palmer oh kiki palmer oh

hidey flyce she was a very famous madame kiki palmer's got a movie i'll call pimp she's a pimp in the movie oh a new movie yeah it's on netflix on netflix i guess i i just imagined madams to run like a house like you usually see that in uh you know the bunny ranch madams that type of shit yeah i don't you don't see them on the street no wild west salon yeah there's a lot of girls saloon saloon you don't see it on the streets they're pimping on the web there's a lot of escort oh cool well so women are getting their money too you can send a special shout out because you seem to be you seem to be like um like you're you care i care about these holes like you i do care about you know i just hold economics and shit yeah because i i you know um i don't get it i

was so you know about the renegades right what's the renegades those are the holes that refuse to have pimps i like okay see now i'm into that those are independent subcontractors yeah because here's the deal and the same with porn i just feel like we should make money off of it it's just that i just get it i get up you probably like my favorite hoe is that right the ivy league hose ivy league hose i've read a book by a bitch who said that she was an ivy league google him ivy league hose no there's a girl who wrote a book escorts and she was that and she's a british lady and she claims that she volunteer you know i had a great life and i became a prostitute and it was great and blah blah blah ivy league escorts have ivy league degrees no shit and you gotta pay them

a lot of money to fucking date them like a 50 grand weekend or something what oh boy man they better they might change my diaper eat it from behind my life as an ivy league super baby sugar baby yeah wow okay okay you can get into that i can't i can't be a hoe it's not in me man it's so go back and look at the actual websites where you can like go find these bitches ivy league's escort and skip the games i like it escort ivy league companion skip the games skip the games guys yeah she can get it what she want she doesn't look like a fucking ivy league whore that's what i'm gonna say how do you know 50 grand do they have to bring their transcripts to the date well you you should that's bring term papers if you're looking

for an intellectual experience it should be instantaneous you should know like near and night and i would not i you better be for real ivy league if she goes now i went to vanderbilt building the fuck out of it that's not that's not harvard top 10 schools only it's like by yale princeton brown the tops show me the sat this became popular this became popular during um i wouldn't succeed 10 or so years ago during the recession oh really yeah you end up you pretty girl with a degree broke his foot yeah you know makes sense oh rich mother fucking need somebody to go to grease with him that's right yeah i have a hard time i don't you would never do it now i'd rather be broken a gutter you wouldn't even have like good okay let's just say you had a tuesday boyfriend

a tuesday today suzerain yeah okay so every tuesday you come to his office okay and you sit on his desk okay and he's fucking eat your pussy or something i don't know he's like an old executive dude okay and every first of the month he wears you like 25 grand come on you also go to lunch you fucking let me ask you this is there a business you guys talk is there a business where i can just fart in his face or kick him in the nuts and i don't have to let him touch me god there's um yes there is actually those um that's the kind of shit i would do that's what i was nine to five dominatrix you can go right down the street somewhere that's what i would do on some other you can do this shit part time part time tom would be okay with that wouldn't you that's fine with

me i want to see those checks i want to see them you forgot to say bitch bitch i want to see them checks bitch yeah there you go yeah could you teach him the teach him how to get that pimp hand strong teach him some sayings mm-hmm pimps always have to give me some sayings okay well you how do you motivate well listen i don't want to work tonight i don't care if it's raining first thing to say don't call me time no more oh was that name cigar oh that's name cigar all right i like that i like that a lot you on the right train you're on the wrong track if you knew better you'd do better is that what you say i don't do was i don't do fancy say you don't do things no no i just do logic he's like men so let's say my approach is mathematics yeah i'm i'm tired i don't want to

work tonight i'm real tired okay just work christmas take tonight off work and work christmas though well you're saying if i it's good logic you gotta use one day or another you know you want christmas oh you want to work you know you want to take tonight off i'm not i'm not taking you to the pimp and hobo but i've been looking forward to that all year somebody's back there i love that i love that hey come cigar bitch come screw bitch do you call me can you say bitch they like that or they get offended or they get upset no you can't cut you can't say bitch nothing nothing no no but you can call the girls you can't say that's their name oh hey i remember those documentaries taught me he's taught me about bottom bitches like that yeah

who's your bottom but do you have a bottom did you have a bottom bitch so i never got into it like that i'm giving you scenarios okay okay okay i never i never had to i i make so much fucking money i wrap i hear you i i when i did dabble and i i dabbled because it came to me i didn't go looking for it and i'm like okay somebody somebody says i'm gonna give you all this money every day you don't say no you realize how how strong your game has to be but like you're not trying to get into pimping about hose like here's money thank you i know baby's too short though i mean he's fine it's it's it's the art imitates life yeah yeah the cycle never you put it out there right you put it out and it comes back so i'm a player born to mac so their bottom bitch is

your favorite the queen's favorite uh hypothetically um it is uh the most solid one in the crew who is the most trustworthy yeah who sometimes has seniority and who you know either has the temperament and the skills to co-pimp with you oh wow so she's even elevated above she kind of helps you in business you should be able to leave town for like three weeks and you have bottom bitch hold it down you're kidding i did not know that when you get back she secured the bag the money's there and damn everybody's still happy and i'm telling you we should really get into i know we gotta get into procession here's the thing tell them that movie's about that it doesn't end good oh i know no and how is the best thing going let me ask you this and this might be a stupid

question but i'm assuming they've all been stupid question okay okay so i'm assuming you it's a cash business you don't take a fucking credit card you're too interested in pivot we gotta wait to arrest you i've been seeing documentaries about this shit what's the what's the p4 what's the pijitzki it's a terrible as i'm a fucking mouth it sounds like a pollock it sounds like a pivot isn't hard as fuck so i don't understand why everyone was a fucking stupid lady okay so listen pijitzki so so you get out it's a cash business you're a pijitzki pierogi pijitzki so you get it's a cash business but you can't put that fucking cash in the bank what do you know what i'm saying where do you where do pimps put the cash you put in the mattress

credit union what do you mean credit unions take that kind of money oh okay but pimps that's the the mattress yeah yeah come on uh i don't know everybody you gotta figure that part out yeah so he knows but he's like i'm not telling you yeah i saw him get real uncomfortable he's like you can have that conversation off his camera's going on this shit hey so where's your cash laundering not you i see a hypothetical address where's that he sold into the lining of jackets and shit like that um i don't know what you were doing i really don't hey can we do a show together live live on stage yeah like i'll do a set and then you do a set you close it out that'd be amazing you stay up show and then you come out

blow the doors off with some of you know with the hits man we'll do bludgeon i bet he yeah yeah yeah but we got to do it without the dissolved part now i'll fucking get the words right what was that line again i i said bus left no right not in a job spoon on the cheeks is all dissolved instead of all she saw i fucked it up it's all dissolved i don't know man she rubbed it in it would never dissolve you should have thought i would yeah i know i should have thought about it she'd get sticky it's still you still see it you sit still there he's right it's there like years later it's still there it's in there bagaki i think it's still in her dead ass fucking betty's throat oh my god what does she look like can you describe her i always picture like betty rubble

from the flintstones but that's not accurate oh my god she looks like all the other elizabeths what does that mean just she's just a girl next door yeah just a girl bushy brunette i haven't really dealt with a lot of hookers that look like hookers you know i mean oh okay like literally like good girls turn bad yeah oh she's a good girl good looking hoes okay all right let's um let's say it again the show you guys are doing uh blow the whistle dash radio dash radio yes and the new album this out it's called the pimp tape the pimp tape and it is everywhere you want to look for it it's everywhere very educational he's got huge rappers and huge i'm even not contemplating doing a g-rated educational music really what just because

that music is so infectious yeah that i'm thinking we're in a time and day now where different learning tactics you know i like it i'll be an experiment what would you rap about though when your g-rated just like anything just electric company shit yeah okay sesame street shit you know yeah yeah we love sesame street would you guys like to hear some titles of songs off the new album love definitely it starts off with go short dog yeah it goes into break a bitch that's the second track and then tables featuring snoop dog break a bitch the hook is are you a pimp or ho i like that which one are you i'm a girl i'm a pimp eight my girlfriend is my favorite track and it's the best music video you'll ever see by the way you'll have to google that one all

right the video is pretty funny track number five is give her some money hey i like that talking about strippers okay strippers not still they're getting the money no strippers deserve that money track six is save all that love for you for your boyfriend yeah for the boyfriend because daddy don't need it okay how to be a player don't bring it to her how to be a player with e40 yep anti i we got pull your trophies out don't shoot which i'm assuming is not a gun it's kind of a black lives matter ish then we have a dr dray interlude give me back my eyes only dimes is the track number 13 that's with g easy and then twerk the dream the dream was on there also twerk train's another good one there's a lot of cuts on this by the girl chenelle west coast chenelle west coast oh shit and then

my favorite is pop that pussy that's a track nice oh that's the one my mom likes the most of course yes pop that it's not what you think that's that's also a very socially conscious song about about a victim of prostitution not oh really who in the end of the song she she triumphs there you go i like it and she pops that pussy the pimp in the end oh damn that's what song is and that's sad that's sad for the pimp i mean he was doing stupid shit i also like to sit a gorilla pimp he was being very aggressive his pimp pan was strong too strong beater and she ran away and he ran he came across her like when i came across blows that bitty yeah i killed her with the night yeah he really tried to finally murder that would be my that would be on my album like

get the shovel get the shovel oh for god's sakes i love that you guys are too short so see a path of course that is that is the best part of this whole thing where it doesn't be super exciting who isn't who isn't grow up it's pretty scary with those eyes open like oh yeah yeah there's people that like to wear that stuff and then they wear harnesses and butt plugs with like you know tails on them we make fun of that stuff fuck what a dog yeah yeah most of them have unicorn heads though yeah ask your hose i'm sure they can tell you some stories some pup play stories yeah yeah pony play but this was a thrill thank you guys very much thank you guys so much i'm glad i've stained up too short short dog thanks for coming man appreciate it i'll give me

do What's with the