Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 492-Sean Evans-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: March 27, 2019

One of our all time faves is the master of all that is spicy. Mr. Hot Ones himself, Sean Evans, is inside Studio Jeans.  By now you must have seen Hot Ones, the First We Feast concept that puts celebs in the hot seat, eating progressively hotter wings while answering questions from the best host in the game, our guest, Sean.  This one will go into the vaults as a fan favorite. There's love in the air, there's tons of water and the denim is thick here.  

Yeah Yeah That's another Obi-Wan original I'm on the road this week dawg I'm out there doing it Let's see if there's a chance you can get into any show I think you might be able to get into the late show This Saturday in New Haven, Connecticut

The late show, 3.30 you might have a few tickets left After that, I'm hitting the road in a couple weeks Going to Madison Late show has tickets on April 11th Milwaukee Late show has a few tickets April 12th Nashville Maybe has a few tickets left on April 14th

From then, I roll on out I'm in Boston In late April, the only show with tickets Is April 28th April 28th at the Chevalier Theater in Medford May 1st I'm in Portland, Oregon You can get tickets there

The May 2nd show is sold out Then I roll into Seattle For the 3rd, 4th and 5th of May And the late show on the 5th Is the only show that has tickets available Those are all at tomsgirl.com I gotta tell you, if you're listening to this show Watching April 9th

The email will go out to everybody on my email list For tickets for the 2nd half of the Take It Down Tour You can get that email if you sign up on my site There's a prompt that comes up If you sign up for it You get the email, you get access to tickets Before anybody else There's gonna be 25 plus US cities

There's gonna be a whole Canadian tour And there's even gonna be an international leg So, sign up, get that email And that'll come out April 9th The general on sale will be April, I think, 10th or 11th So, good to know What's up, Jean? Okay, homies

Fucking good morning, Con It's fucking morning All right, mini-Apple Tits I'm coming for ya April 4th through 6th I got my 8 o'clock shows Sold out on Friday and Saturday Thursday tickets are still available

As are the late shows So, snatch those up They're moving really quick May 10th and 11th, Tempe At the Tampon Tempe Improv That's in Arizona And then May 31st through June 1st Sperm Bank, California

Here at Flippers Comedy Club June 20th through 22nd Washington Dick Come At the Dick Come Improv Cash me outside How about that? Oh, my God Oh, my God

Hang me outside That's your fault You play that fucking song Tickets are available at Christina P. Online Also, if you're new to the show You have not seen my Netflix specials I have two stand-up specials Mother and Fear, you're my hour

And a 30-minute special called The Degenerates What I did 8 months pregnant That's pretty wild It's so crazy Also, Rider-Dai T-shirts Available, that's my tour name Rider-Dai

Available at Tom Sakura's Merch Page Yeah, dawg What you got in that box, homie? I'm so excited, homie What you fucking got in there, homie? It's fucking the enemy Got to ride over there, homie

We're in fucking Syria, homie Homies, check this out, dawg What you got, bro? We are ready to do this show Jane, are you ready? I'm very ready I can't wait to watch this opening clip This is good stuff right here

Let's do it Okay, so I've got a fun video for you This is for Jeans Good morning, Julia Are you having fun or hardcore fun? Let's go flip throttle! Try it out Take about 10 or 12 Benadryl

Well, that's a lot of Benadryl Don't do that Chill, baby So, I hope that's what you wanted And I hope it sounds like your group of friends is super fun And a little crazy You've got a lot of inside jokes So sending you lots of love

Thanks, guys Aw This shit is big fun Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this Don't burn me in the fucking stand Welcome, welcome Welcome to your mom's house

With Tom Segura Tom Segura And Christina Pajit Christina Pajit Welcome to your mom's house What you guys That's a lot of Benadryl I'm sorry, I talked over it

That's okay That's a lot of Benadryl What you guys heard This was so amazing This was sent to me Tom and I this morning I'm sorry, forgive me For the person who sent it

I didn't credit them on Twitter We'll figure it out It's a clip from Cameo It's Cameo where you get celebrities To make videos where you pay them A certain amount of money And this video came in This is Beverly Mitchell

Remember that show Seventh Heaven Yeah, this is a potter Used to have a crush on her Is that right? I didn't know that Anyway, she looks the same She looks great She plays like one of the younger kids

And somebody obviously got her Oh, at Mr. Denison Mr. underscore D-E-N-N-Y-S-O-N That's who sent it in Who sent it Let's go for throttle Give him some love For that one

That was crazy That was the best thing ever She looks great She still looks nice Remember that fucking show Seventh Heaven It was like a weird Christian Yeah, I never watched it Neither is lame

I remember that Jessica Beale was on it Uh-oh, Diaz is calling I should probably answer, right? Yeah, go for it Just in case Hello Diaz is coming over For people listening

To do the podcast And that'll be in a couple weeks from now Yeah, it'll be in a couple weeks But he calls me I sent him directions with a map on it Like the PDF Which shows like Here's where you turn

It's really like explicit It's to give anybody Who's trying to find the place Clear direction And he's like So when I get off the highway I go right And I go, yeah

Right So you're going north Away from the city He's like, don't start with the fucking north I know I don't get that shit either And I go, alright He goes, I'm not a fucking boy scout

And I go, alright, man I go, well, I don't know what to tell He's like, do I go right? And I go, yeah He's like, and then At the other street Another right And I go, yeah

I have no idea I'm just like, yeah And he's like, and then what Then left at the other thing And I go, mm-hmm Does he have a iPhone? Does he have a GPS? Come on, who are you talking about?

Hang on, he won't even accept text messages He's like, tell your wife I've been drinking this shit My asshole's going to be on fire I can't wait Yeah Oh, good, we got the fart mic I don't know if you want to give that to him

I don't know if you want to start that I do, actually You know what? We haven't had a guest yet You're sitting pretty close Just a reminder I don't care, I'm used to Joey's farts And he's like my kid at this point

Holy shit Anyways, we lost track here So this is Beverly Mitchell I was saying, I remember Jessica Biel Because that's what she got famous on And everybody was enamored with Jessica Biel Of course So pretty

But then this cameo thing's kind of It's an app, if you guys don't know It's an app, right And all kinds of people are doing it Where you can pay them to send a message And they have different tiers So like there's Instagram people And then there's TV

And then like Brett Favre You know, Hall of Fame, Super Bowl winning quarterback Is on cameo I think you have to pay him 500 bucks Just to be like, happy birthday Yeah, exactly Sally, it's me, Brett Favre Hey, Jim, you're referring to Bob Lowe

He like you a lot He said take a break to help you Make sure you bone Alright, Rangler's a good pants There's another thing Don't forget about that Rangler's a good pants Go Packers

I just, I don't know I feel like If I was going to start making I'd just do it for free for fans You know what I mean? Well, I mean, you know I'm not, yeah I'm not hating on the, whatever

I don't want to do it But I think it's fine that people do it But I really like that people are Hitting up people and having them Do your mom's house stuff That's hilarious You know, that's a good investment Yeah

You know what's so funny is 7th Heaven That was like a blatantly Christian value show It was? Yeah, I think the father Right, the father was like a priest on the show Right? Yeah, he was like a minister And I think they like

Oh, you used to watch that show, huh? You did? Really? Yeah Wow Did anything scandalous happen? Jessica Beale's really the only thing I remember Yeah

I mean, is that why you watched? Yeah Yeah, and you're like, God Let me marry you Yeah Yeah And like, she, you know She seemed kind of young on that show

I was like, oh, that's kind of obtainable Dude, I work, you remember When I worked as a sight rep We were married Yes So it was less than 10 years ago I worked as an adult man I don't know if I ever told you

But there was a guy So as a sight rep, you would go to a building That they're shooting a movie or production in And you just represent basically the building So that the production doesn't just destroy it Because they will They don't give a fuck Yeah

You'd be like, hey, this is Kristina's house I'm just here to make sure And then they'll start like nailing shit in the wall Yeah, of course So you had to kind of protect it And one of the other sight reps This guy was like 26, 27 He was legit obsessed with Jessica Biel

Oh, boy And he was like, yeah, I have pictures of her All over my room Oh, boy And he's like, I know I'm going to marry her one day And at first, if someone said you're like, yeah And then he was like, no, for real And I was like, you're going to marry Jessica Biel?

And he's like, yeah He's like, we're meant to be together And I was like, fuck, this dude's seriously delusional Yeah And I would bring it up Like I wouldn't see him for a week I'd see him at the office I was like, hey, Jessica plans coming up

And he would be like, oh, no, I know you make fun of me for that But Was he a gangbanger, too? No, he was kind of a vato, though He had like some vato blood He was from Ventura Okay, homie And he liked to surf

He's like, we're like a perfect match, you know It's a delusion, man The level of delusion, though It wasn't like, it's one thing if you see like a teenager like that This dude was a grown man I know, I used to think that Ricky Schroeder and I would fall in love and get married, too Or were you like 31? Silver spoons

He was my first love My first crush was Ricky Schroeder Yeah I mean, he was well off, good looking Yeah, I mean, I had that crush on Alyssa Milano Of course And then what was the blonde, the beautiful blonde on the other? The one that's got bail fingered

Yes Yeah What's her nickel agar? It's gorgeous, nickel agar I used to think too, I used to think if you learned their names There was a good chance you'd end up together Right, right, because I was an advanced level for a kid For a kid, yeah

When you're like, oh, I read the credits and I know this person's name And I used to buy, I used to buy like those big bopper magazines Remember those stupid magazines for like Teeny Girls Yeah And then Ricky Schroeder would be all over it And I had like the poster on my wall I just loved him And then it became Johnny Depp when 21 Jump Street came out

Oh my god, 21 Jump Street Johnny Depp? So cute Yeah, yeah He still looks great though Yeah, for a total fucking lunatic, he does look great I know, crazy He's a wild, he is a wild dude I know, I wish he would come on our show

You know what the craziest thing is about that article about him? The spending article? He's like, he really has like diagnosed, you know, spending issues Compulsive, yeah Sure, sure Where he's like just, he's like, buy 30 of those Okay The craziest thing to me still is that he smokes in his house

Like he's rolling up cigarettes Guy spends 30 million a month and I'm like, yeah, it's kind of crazy And then he's like smoking cigarettes and I'm like, this guy's fucking nuts I know, I wish he would come on our show But our show is invitation only It's an invite only show, yeah You gotta be invited Yeah, he can't just come on here

No, I mean, but unless you want to, you want to issue an invitation Why don't you go ahead and look into your Invitation Are you agreeing that you want Johnny Depp to be on our show? Yeah, yeah Johnny Depp, if you're listening to your mom's house, you're watching us on YouTube You're invited to come on as a guest I extend the invitation to you

You're welcome That's very nice of you Yeah Speaking of nice things, guess what? What? I don't know if you guys, I don't know if you even know Do you know that Hard Rock Nick was on Tosh.0? Oh yeah

And we got a shout out Yeah And they played footage from our show I know That's pretty cool I can't tell you now, I'm a little upset Because they only mentioned Tom They're like, and Tom Segura's podcast

I'm like, what am I, chopped liver? What about Christina P? Two Netflix specials, hello Yeah What am I fucking, just a dumb girl Chunky in the gator You know, like on radio You know, you're Rick D's and who am I?

Yeah No, I understand The sidekick chick, just some dumb blonde girl Well, yes, but I think that I co-created your mom's, we're co-creators Yeah, yeah, yeah I'm very offended, I'm actually very upset with Daniel Tom You're very upset?

I'm offended Josh says in radio that that role is called the whole On the whole Oh, the gash, the girl I don't know, Josh The whole, that's terrible, Josh What, giggle gash Yeah

Did we come up with a proper name for Chucklefucker? Yeah His was giggle gash, right? Yeah, Josh's was giggle gash He's out of his fucking way To be fair to Tosh, though, I actually know him Yeah, so do I No, no, no

I've talked to him backstage before No Yes No I fucking know Daniel Nope I know Nick Wegner That's his guy's name

No, it's not, he worked for him That's a different guy Yeah, it's a different guy Guys, I'm ten years behind Yeah, catch me outside God, I've toured with Daniel, though Oh, that's right, I forgot, yeah So he was giving me a shout out

It's fucking disrespect No, he's just like, there's just some blonde chick there Exactly Just some fucking dumb bitch And then a cool jacket But anyways Unbelievable, the level of disrespect Aside from that

The level of disrespect The segment was very funny It was, and very flattering And very flat And they did, they gave a shout out to Yeah, they did cite my name But they played a clip from our show Correct, yeah

With the two of us talking about Hard Rock Nick The whole talk And Hard Rock Nick, in his defense Was game and was very fun on that Yeah, you know, I have to give him credit here That he reacted differently Than what I would maybe have expected From somebody so attractive

And so muscular And so wealthy I would think that somebody like Hard Rock Nick Wouldn't even give the media the time of day Yeah, yeah He's busy Dude, he's very busy I thought he was hilarious too

That he has not broken on his claims So on, I saw him on a radio thing And then they're like And you really are worth like 100 million And he's like, mm-hmm He's like, yep He doesn't bend at all on any of those claims It's pretty fun

No, it does bend I think he's having a good time I think he's having a good time And he's on cameo, by the way Izzy, you can get a Hard Rock You can get a Hard Rock, yeah, I'll plug it Okay, shit, okay Go check out Margaret

I don't know what he's charging though I know, I wonder A guy that rich shouldn't be charging much Yeah, that's what I'm saying He's a millionaire, he could be doing this for free Yeah But I know some other people do Kathy Griffin She does them

I don't know Did you do it? No, they even approached me And I said, no thanks Yeah It's not, you know, but I don't know, it's not for me Personally, like I said

If I wanted to do videos for fans I'd just fucking do it for free I'd give shout-outs to people on their birthdays And Happy birthday to you We should start doing birthday shout-outs Like on the radio, you know Like those fucking dum

Whose birthday is it today? Nothing I hate more than a happy birthday Oh, I know The fucking, I get emails all the time We'll be at your show on Friday And My friend Cynthia

We give her a shout-out Also, she's got big ear lobes If you want something to make fun of her about Like, yeah I know I can't wait to stop my show To do that It's my adult friend's birthday

The only thing that Which is crazy to me Like you're an adult And what cares It makes me more insane Than like We'll be at your show Sometimes it's like

There's a group of us coming Ted, this guy is crazy If you want to fuck with him You know, he's got a truck It's all dirty and shit If you want to make fun of him You're like, what? Yeah, you're going to stop your show

For thousands of people Ted here Why don't you blast your truck? Everyone's like, that's hilarious So fucking stupid No, my favorite is I get people emailing me Hey, Tom's doing a show

In Fort Lauderdale Can you ask him to help me And propose to my fiance? No That's the one that I hate the most And by the way Just so you know how unoriginal you are It is every week

Every week Every week I get multiple emails So do I We're going to be at the show Saturday And I wanted to do something really special Like what? I want to propose to my girl

At your show Hoping that maybe you could bring me up On stage Oh my god I'm like, what? Do you realize how little everyone At that show cares Nobody wants to see it

About you getting engaged? Nobody No, I just I had to stop myself from writing back How much I hate them when they email me that But it's the worst It also brings the comedy fun To a grinding halt

Yeah, let's stop the entertainment Let's make this show That has 1,800 2,500 people out Let's make everybody stop And watch you go Alyssa You know, you mean the world to me

You're a girl And he's all nervous and shaking Because he's on stage And then he has the story of Remember we were at that show Everyone hated us For stopping the show So I could propose to you

Remember I'm not going to say the club But they would I had it happen twice in clubs I've had it happen several times Yes, but then The owner wants you to plug the blow job shots Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah

Before you're set Yeah, it does Dallas Fort Worth, yeah It's so stupid Just go ahead and plug these blow job shots And then just go with your acts It's normal That's the one where the guy goes

You're the only guy that's ever said anything about this He told me I was the only guy That's ever complained You should stick in the mud I was like, okay All right, man Yeah, no, I had proposals Here's what I had

So the first time I ever had it happen I was working at a club And they were like They basically informed me They were like, someone's going to propose No And I was like, okay It was as bad as you can imagine

Yeah The guy's all nervous Yeah, and like people And then People are eating nachos When I realized how much everybody hated it The next time it happened They had to ask me

They were like Do you mind if somebody Proposes during the show? And I go, I absolutely do mind And they were like Hmm, what can we do? And I was like You can wait till I'm done with my show

And I go, you can do it after the show And that was the compromise I was like, once I'm offstage Yeah And back in the green room I don't care You can have the guy take a shit on stage Yeah, and people are filing out

Yeah So that's what they did And finish with their nachos I hate it I've had people ask me to marry them a lot And I'm not going to do it Just because I don't You don't want me

Yeah I mean, I appreciate the No, the offer's nice Yeah, it's stunning The offer is nice to say Would you like to be the aficionate in my wedding The offer is insulting and selfish to say Do you mind if I propose during your show?

Yeah, because it takes your time Because it's just, you know, you're fucking rude Okay Oh, my God You're selfish Your balls are freshly shorn But they're backed up You need to get your dick melt tonight

Yeah, no one wants to see you Keep snapping already At Starbucks Fucking propose At the show All right Testosterone running through you right now No, you're right

And again, I appreciate the offer to Aficiate your wedding But I'm not the right candidate Yeah, but that's different I'm not like that That is different That's saying Yeah

It's an invitation Like this podcast It's invitation only That's absolutely right It's the same thing Not just any a-hole can come on here You can't just send me a fucking thing, you know Yeah, hey, why, can I be, no

No, no, of course We have to ordain you That's right Worthy of being on our show That's right Well, who is he getting text message from? I'm getting all these chicks like Sexting people

You want to fuck and like, yeah, hold on Yeah, I want to fuck Ugh Stop Can we talk about your beard? I'm trying to fuck Ugh I know, I knew that would upset you

That's why I brought it up Man So, ever since I've been going, like, real short With a haircut and everything Yeah I have to do this horrible maintenance Of getting it clipped all the time Yeah

Because it starts to look shitty When it has any growth on it So we get haircuts, like, every two weeks But I like it when the beard is a little wily You look homeless And you look dirty But if you don't understand that was my attraction to you Is that you look dirty and gross and homeless

I like it Don't you get that? I've always loved that about you That you're just a nasty, stinky bear I like it You're all hairy and stuff I love your silver whiskers I have such a different image of myself

Really? Yeah, of course But I like it when you're a little unkempt It's masculine All right Well, I just meant that, like So here, obviously in the front It's thinned out

So when you have thin hair in your front of your head And you're doing the buzz cut You've got to keep it short Otherwise, when it gets any growth It just highlights how thinned out it is You know what I mean? Yeah, sure So it started to get there

And I was like, I just need to go get it cleaned up I keep calling these two places to do it Because they're near us One of them is always packed And I never remember to call ahead of time I always call it day of But I'll call it like nine in the morning They're like, we're completely packed

And I'm like, Jesus Christ, man How many people are getting their damn hair cut? I don't know They're like, you want to come and wait? And I go, no So I call the second place Wait your mom And there was a lady who did a pretty good job

Of course, she's not there So I go in yesterday And I tell the dude what I want And I mean, it's not totally fucked up But He fucked your beard He fucked my beard up No, I'm not

You're the one that said that when you came I know, I know I'm not capping on you Just so you know The funny thing is I give them all a nice, I'm nice But I give them like really explicit instructions And he was like, yeah, I get it, man

And then he did it And I was like, that's not what I wanted No But the good news is it grows fast It does grow fast So in a week it'll be normal again He cut the line He took it up

I know Here's what's wrong Is that he cut Like he gave you the dad line Like your beard grows It's got to go further down here On the chin I know

He's not American Oh, he wasn't Of course not Oh, that explains it What was he? Not one of us Did he microwave his curry? He's like, it's fucking morning

I haven't had my coffee yet Do I eat all me? It's fucking morning It's fucking morning It's fucking morning Who says that? Fucking morning Yeah

That's how I would want a boss to talk to me Me too Like you get to work and he's like It's fucking morning Go ahead, Jean Oh, soreños Here we go, homies Thank you guys

And of course now it's time Enough with the business We're going to get into it We had the great pleasure The joy, the benefit The wonderful time To have Sean Evans here It's so delightful

And we invited him on the show Yeah, and he is like Just like Hot Ones Sean is the host of Hot Ones The wildly popular online show YouTube show that first we feast You were on it I was on it, yeah

I was on it last season Yeah, it's a big show And Sean is like just the sweetest guy I think the best host and interviewer in the game He's absolutely my favorite person That's ever interviewed me And I love watching him host that show If you've never watched Hot Ones

You can do a deep dive on that It's so fun We watched the Shaquille O'Neal episode Yeah, we just watched that one He usually has a mix of like athletes Actors, rappers and comics Always plugging a comic into every season And it's great

And so I'm thrilled that he came here We had the best time with him We played our own game with him So we played Wet Ones with him So I hope you enjoy it Here is Sean Evans, everybody Hey, what's going on, everyone? For YMH, I'm Tom Segura

You're watching Wet Ones The show with bland water And even blander questions Our guest today is Sean Evans Sean, you are the CEO, chairman, host, president And director of what's it called? Hot Ones Hot Ones, yeah

That's another show Anyways, this show is much better So first up, we're going to give you The Sassani This is a shit water for shit people That don't know any better Go ahead and crack it open I won't even taste mine

Because I think it tastes like dog shit Yeah You know what that tastes like? It's disgusting Do you ever have a hose attached to your house? Yeah, yeah, I used to do that Pull that move It does taste like hose water, I agree

Sean, what's your favorite color? I was actually thinking about this the other day Because I think I just wear creams and greys And blacks all the time But I feel like those are boring colors I'm happy that orange exists Do you wear it though? It doesn't look horrible on me

But orange I think is my favorite color I appreciate it the most Are you at the point now where you start to appreciate Somebody who will wear colors? You know what I mean? Yeah, because it's bold Yeah Sometimes I'll see somebody in an orange

Or a real blue that pops I'm like, yo, I wish I could be you Yeah, it's aspirational And I won't do it Yeah, we won't get there Next up Is Aquapanna This is Italian

Yeah, yeah This is natural spring water You know the difference between that bullshit dasani And this? Minerals Oh yeah, you can taste the minerals for real Yeah Now I don't know if I would reach for this

When I'm wanting to quench my thirst But it's an exotic drink But if somebody offered you this bottle of piss Or this This a hundred times I'm gonna put this, I think we should square them off I'm gonna put this to my right That means a preferable place

Sean, did you ever think in a million years That you would be doing what you're doing now? No I mean, we didn't even think that You know, we didn't even have that high hopes of For the show Like just in general Do you think it was a one off?

No No, I thought that we could make this quick fire internet side show You know, like celebrities coming in Burning their face off I thought, you know, even I didn't know if necessarily it would have a host Or that you'd see the host Or that it would play that role in it

Like originally our idea for it Was it for to be this like swinging light interrogation show Where we'd just be like Interrogating a celebrity And forcing chicken wings down their throat And they'd just be like Fighting through these questions in the wings Maybe by themselves

Like maybe I don't even eat Yeah And it was Tony Yeo from G-Unit Who helped us workshop the show And he was kind of like You know, no self respecting famous persons Gonna come in here and just choke down wings While you pepper them with questions

Like if you want this to work I think you have to eat the wings too And it was like Really? It was like the best And that was like unintentional That that worked out like that Yeah, but it clicked for us

Like I remember the light bulb going off Or like, oh yeah Like that makes a lot more sense And then Hot Ones was born Dude, it's an amazing show Thank you Tony I appreciate that And the best part about it

100% is you Because you are a gifted Broadcaster and interviewer I don't know how you do it I really don't I think part of it is that you actually Seems like you take genuine Interest in your subjects

Which is like What you realize if when you watch You know, a talk show Or radio interview Especially like We're always the subject Of interviews, you know Where you go in

And like A lot of times with radio They'll be like They're just reading like Like a bio line They'll be like You went to University of San Francisco Yeah, it's like a Wikipedia thing

They just print it out And you're like this is the second line In my bio And it says here you did Netflix special What was that like? But yours What was that like? Yours are way

Way more researched In depth It feels like you actually Take an interest Well, I think that It's such a competitive space Like the interview space is so competitive So if it's like

You're gonna get eyeballs You know, and you're gonna compete for those Then I think your show Has to be that exceptionally good And then I think the other thing That's played into that is the audience So many people are Cult like

With hot ones They're hot ones fans And they're just They're there every single time So you feel like you have to impress them Every single time Wait, are you telling me You respect your audience?

You know what I am? I'm scared of them I'm scared of that audience I'm scared of them, I think They put such pressure Hot ones have a fart mic? No, but we need one This is a fart mic

Oh my god You should have a fart mic on hot ones If ever a show needed a fart mic Wow It is hot ones We're giving you permission To take the idea 100%

Because I thought you'd cornered And by the way, if you please If you have to fart I'm grabbing I've got you Do you feel anything coming on? No, but you never know You always have to be ready

At any moment Although as an alum Of hot ones I gotta tell you When you're in that room And you feel a fart You're not sure what's behind it Oh yeah

Why imagine It feels like this might be A shit mic real soon Well, because I remember asking after you did Hot ones I'm like, how was your brown After? And it was

I took my Hot I'll tell you this You could pass this advice on To future hot ones Who are hesitant To go forward with the game So to speak

When I worked at Chibo On Sunset Many years ago Which I think is still around The all Mexican and Guatemalan staff They would make Crazy hot dishes All the time

For us Everything was like Super spicy And a lot of us You know would be like Man, that looks spicy That's gonna kill me On the way out

And they were like That's what you gotta do, man You get bread And you butter up that bread Heavy butter Lines the track Like if you know You're gonna eat spices

And that would completely And now A lot of times When you go out For something spicy You weren't much Let's say planning on it So you're ruined

But whenever we did that When we ate the Buttered Like thick buttered bread It like I don't know Did you do that Before hot ones though?

No, of course not I'm not smart I'm saying I remember that Yeah And you know It's weird that I come across Somebody on the other side Of hot ones

But I always do ask them Like one What was like The next couple days like And then Do people come up to you In the wild And they're like

Hot Oh no, cause Definitely I mean First I remember Okay, going to do hot ones As it got closer And like it was really

First we did First of all We did the Burger thing Which we'll get into it But when we did the hot ones We definitely had some Apprehension

And I was like I was like Oh man Like how bad is this So you start You know you're watching them Then you get distracted by How good the show is

You forget That's going it But then like day of Or day before I remember I called Burt Cause he had done it Yeah, yeah And I was like

I was like I mean what's gonna happen here He's like It's hot It's very hot But he was like It won't be that bad Just have fun

And if it hurts Just let it hurt That's what he told me That's good advice Yeah it's good He was like He was like He'll recover

And I was like Alright And then I still remember Being there like I don't know It kind of feels like You know There's a parachute in a way

But you're still like A little worked up about it And then The thing was that For me From my personal experience I was like Four or five wings in

Like this isn't bad at all But then there was The bomb Yeah And that was worse Than what I had imagined It could be Yeah

That wrecked me Yeah there's no Prepared for that But then it's funny Because when I watched When I watched it And I'm just watching it As let's say

Trying to take myself out of it As content I go This is like One of the funniest parts Watching someone struggle Yeah Sweat

Like I actually remember That I couldn't remember What you had asked me A couple of times It gets loud You feel like that Speaker feedback situation Or something

Yeah Yeah so I was like Oh man That's right now Alright man Stop ruining my show Oh sorry So the next water

No go to Fiji Just jump ahead to Fiji Yeah this is dog shit too Yeah We just put the dog shit Out there to remind them That they make dog shit water But this one

Oh this is garbage too This is actually They put that all over the place Like I feel if you're like It's terrible An IG model chick You product place With the sentia

Yes Right It's very specific And accurate Yeah Didn't we learn They have like a real I feel like that

Didn't we learn that the PH stuff Is nonsense It's bullshit Yeah Martin Risa is The water America's water saunay Of German descent of course But Martin taught us a lot

And one of the things he taught us You know how when you drink Fiji There's like a silkiness to it You ever feel like a smoothness Yeah yeah That's the mineral I think it's called silica Yeah

Silica You could feel it Yeah It's smooth That's minerals man That's silica And that is delicious And that leads us to our next question

FedEx or UPS FedEx or UPS FedEx Yeah You know like now I've been next day in some stuff Lately And every time I hit the FedEx

I feel like in New York You hit a FedEx Like every third or fourth door Yeah So it's just in that I mean UPS I'm always like Are we fucking really doing this right now

I agree It's such a third world Sort of carrier company I don't think I've I don't know if I've ever Been into a UPS FedEx has the U.S. Unlock

But then you go international Maybe with UPS or What's the DHL They do that like DHL It's like if I want to ship some to Zimbabwe You better do it through DHL But

FedEx has really got it down here Yeah Yeah I don't fuck with UPS No You know what I mean Yeah Alright are we moving on Yeah

Is real bullshit Yeah But the reason I bring it up Is that it's brilliant marketing It's probably In the running For the dog shittiest Of the dog shit waters

And we learned a lot about this From Martin as well It's like triple distilled Which means it's stripped of like All minerals So again It's like You know

I don't know You might as well drink pool water Right Do you like straws Well you know Straws I feel like There's a lot of bad PR With straws right now

Yeah the plastic ones I feel like I'm a bad person If I use a straw But then at the same time I wouldn't You know like the metal straw situation Or the substitute Like who has time for that

I have those You do I do at the house Yeah but then I have veneers So I'm always afraid They're gonna chip them Or clink But then do you have to like

Think ahead and plan You know Like straw is so impulsive Like there's just A million straws on the counter You just grab the straw When you're drinking something Yeah yeah

I'll have them in the cupboard A bunch washed Ready to go Yeah And I just pull one down Put it in my smoothie Whatever See I know I'd have a hard time

Doing that But then at the same time Straws are good Because I feel like I have bad teeth Like I feel on a genetic level Really My parents handed down bad teeth Let's see that smile

How are they bad No I think I'm like But I think I'm just like On a cavity level Like I feel like I get them Like they're just They're softer and weaker

Than most people's teeth But a straw It'll help You know Cause like if you're Drinking something Straw it'll bypass the teeth You know

Yeah You don't take on that contact Now do you use Sensodyne A sensitive tooth No just a straight Crest 3D You know

I'm very That may be stripping Your teeth even more Really? I would argue You should switch to a Sensitive toothpaste Like a sensodyne

Alright well I'm sold Yeah I'm open to I think there's some type Of scale Like so You know how like Basically a few months ago

There was like the real Big pushback On the straws And they started Like we're going to take Straws away Starbucks I went into the

One of these I go every day to one And one of them was like Oh yeah There's probably not going to Be straws soon So now they're doing For ice drinks

For cold drinks A lid with an Open I hate it And I was like Well I just go like Well this is just the new reality You know I just like

Coming children I mean and I just I kind of was annoyed But I was like You know what It's not that bad And then The next week

They were like No the straws again And I was like What happened And I was like People must have been like Fuck you I'm not

Not using a straw It went away like Immediately I don't know Like they were basically Announced that No you're a child And then people were like

No I'm not Yeah okay Well I like when The people win it back Yeah The first straw I guess Um Well

I'm a huge fan of Avion I would argue with all These waters This is the highest quality I like the taste I will pay the extra money In the airport

To drink avion I'm a fan Also a specific taste If you really I feel like I could Swig it up on it Really? You grew up on this

Damn homie You got a lot of money I didn't grow up on this shit Okay offset What kind of money You're talking about dog Damn hot ones I feel like it's a good water

But water champ Are you gonna Bark this one down Excuse me Are you referring to him As a water champ? No my bad You saw the eye contact

Wow Exactly where he was looking When he said that Wow And guess what Gold Guess what We have a new water champ

Bottle It's in the store now Go to Merchmethe.com Slash Tom Segura And look up The new Water champ bottle

Where you can pretend To be the water champ In your house Just like Pretend Watch the footage Watch every episode of the show I'm constantly drinking more water

Watch me right now Neat Watch me outside What did she say Catch me outside Catch me outside How about that How about that

No How about that Do you feel like Here you are This good looking guy You're making money You're getting famous More famous every day

You're in this relationship How dumb does that feel Yeah But I don't know I feel like I'm playing up in that I feel like if you If you pulled 100 people

And you showed A picture of me And go ahead And put all the stats Go ahead and put the resume there Yeah And then you throw one up Of her

I bet 96 out of 100 Are gonna say He's lucky to be with her Not she's lucky to be with her Really Yeah I bet it would be like

In the 90s Let's talk about What's your lady What's going on Who is she Your first date Was actually at your guy's show Yeah

They came to the Comedia store La Tienda de Comedia And That's been a sad Yeah And then How about that

Yeah Okay And she's a fan actually She likes the 80s mom bit You know a lot of people do Right now I'm gonna have to expand on that

It's hot It's hot Okay So what's her story What is she into She does This sort of thing too Not comedy podcasting

But she does On air hosting And red carpets And So she's very pretty Yeah She's got to be stunning To do that kind of stuff

Yeah She's like a Laker girl Miss California See now you Oh and jeans really A Laker girl Now you'd walk it back Now you'd walk it back

You know what Tom You know Hold on Hold on I'm sorry about what I said Laker girl Yeah So

She saw a lot of These I don't know I don't know She allowed to I don't think so But I think that

Are you reading about The cheerleading stuff That's coming out You know I feel like It's such a tough job Like they don't get paid They have to pay their own

Ubers out to like Whatever Retirement home They have to go shake hands At or whatever You know I think it's a tough gig Being a cheerleader

And then I think Yeah If you like Talk to somebody on the team You're out of there Wow I think it's like that That's crazy

School don't have dicks like that So I took Christina Game And this is not too long It was like a couple of months ago And First of all

This is somebody who Together 15 years basically right Yeah Sports Zero interest No games Like never She's like

Oh you're watching a game Just walks away I take her to the Laker game She's got a pool of drool On her shirt Her mouth is open She's like She's like licking her lips

And then we get in the car She's like I really like these Laker games And I was like Oh yeah They're so big And strong And you can see everything

In the shorts And I was like Okay I thought we couldn't see enough In the shorts Yeah Yeah Blackhawks really do matter

Yeah That was you But that's not me And then Telling what happened that night Oh And then So then she was like

Anyways The next Laker game You can set up That'd be great And I'm like Okay I'll keep it in mind That's your new favorite activity

And I was like Guess what I had a dream about I was like What She goes I dreamt That I was with you But instead of

You having what you have You had a big black cock I'm like Whoa Yeah It was him But he had a big black dong Yeah

It was cool She was like I just really like this That cock Especially big black cock Okay So How long have you been with

This lady So I don't know I think that show Would have been like I don't know Like 10 months ago or something Yeah That was really your first date

Yeah And I remember Your first date You were like Oh, it's sold out No, I know But that was I think you made me look cool

Because Then you put my name on the list And then To the Comedy Store's credit They're very old school that way You know, they're very like These are Tom's guests You know

And then like Three people come down From the ceiling And they're like Oh, let me show you Your seat That's nice You know, like

They're very Yeah We went backstage And we chatted for a little bit And then Hannibal rolled through With Thundercat Yeah Oh my God

It was a good I was just telling him Your first date I've been like Yeah, so impressive You look super cool You do look cool You look cool

You look all these cool people I have a Thundercat's album On repeat That was what you asked me yesterday Yeah What is it? It's just been on a loop For I don't know how long now

Dude, and I'm such an idiot Oh, sorry No, I was just saying that Like I've been listening to that Album on a loop For a year and a half I know And then when I met Thundercat

I had no idea who he was And I was like Hey man And then I just Walked out of it It's true Well, and this other famous Singer in there

That beautiful girl And Hannibal was with them And I was like What do you guys do? And they were like We're musicians And I was like I bet you're super famous

I don't know who you are Yeah, no That was par for the course Yeah Sure Yeah Okay That's cool

Yeah, just coming full circle Hope you get married Yeah Why don't you fucking lay off A little bit I love it I can't wait Hot seat

Yeah Move all this shit away from my face How many seasons are we into Hot ones now? Eight Eight seasons Eight Finishing eight

In a couple of months 150 episodes Can you announce anybody That's coming up or no? Is that like top secret? I don't really The only thing is Like fans get so like

Like when they're like Looking for their episode But I don't really care I think So this week We're dropping Billy Eilish Shaq Wow

And then He's got a big one That's what I live with, Sean Big Can you imagine Imagine that though On Tom's body I know

That's what dreams are made of Win-win That's a funny question To ask you guys Okay Uh-huh Funny question Yeah

And then Theovon after that Yeah And then We shot one with Chelsea Handler Oh good How'd that go? It was good

It was fun I like the By the way That you keep the comics in the game Thank you You've had like You have the big movie stars Yeah

And then you have athletes, rappers But I love As comics I love that you keep comics In the loop And I think that's just good For a show To just always be cranking the knobs

You know Like people I think sometimes people Want a very specific Kind of viewer experience All the time But that's what makes it good Is when it's like the sort of

Island of misfit toys You kind of know what to expect But at the same time Don't know what to expect Week over week things So thank you for saying that Because we take a lot of pride in that Absolutely

Um Yeah and then we booked like A big finale today I'll keep that hush for now And then And then And then we And then the show is

You told me I did That's a good one Yeah And then And then we'll take like A couple weeks off I'll whisper to you after

Just to be And then And then we'll take just A couple weeks off And do it again You know It's on fire Thank you

Appreciate that And there's a You guys are actually You have hot sauce out there What In the game Brilliant Can I show it

Can I bust out my gift I brought you a gift Wow Yes Oh my gosh That's awesome We use hot sauce Oh snap

We use a lot of hot sauce Classic hot sauce Got the classic Damn homie Bam We got here We got the Los calientes

Los calientes Tienes que decirlo como así Los calientes Damn Y Por fin Oh Last dab

That you know This one makes you go caca In your pantalones The last dab I love it That means the last The toilet paper too And that's when

Oh When you do the show That's when you throw on the last wing Hell yeah You want to die Go for it And then you do it That's terrifying

It's so terrifying It's funny to watch I think that's the best part Is watching people react too I think that's half the fun Is like Oh my god Watching famous people hurt

Is pretty funny Right Because I think too That's the most common man thing Like celebrity is inherently This unobtainable thing It's like everyone's always Trying to make these

Like what's it like to have A beer with them shows You know But like really the most Common man thing Is dying on hot sauce It's like something that Everybody knows

And it's like the only legal way To like physically harm someone It's such a great concept And it is like this It's relatable in a weird way Yeah exactly You're like I know what it's like To eat something spicy

Yeah exactly And then to see the different levels Of suffering is like amusing And entertaining too And that's been such an education For me because Now that I'm thrown into this world It's not like I was some hot sauce

Guy or chili pepper guy Before all this happened But it is crazy the range people have You know some people can eat a curry And it's fine It's just chill They might as well be eating cereal And then some people like one bite

And they completely start to melt down You know so that's even interesting The tolerance is incredible It's all over the place Yeah people really Some of them you know If your life has spent eating certain foods It's like you can't

Yeah you can't get there Yeah you can't even scare them Right and even now like Having done this so frequently Like now I can you know The tolerance has definitely gone up for you Yeah I believe that You know when I was in Korea

I would go eat in the malls Did you say that like an authentic Korea You said Korea Korea I would train myself I would order sundubu And they're hot ass soups

Yeah And I would just blow it out I get like diarrhea every day And then by the time I came back to the states Dude you see me eat that shit All the time Korean food, kimchi When I stopped eating your ass I remember that

I would say 2012 But I don't get diarrhea anymore You can really train yourself Yeah your biology completely flips How does this work We can ask Dr. Drew this question You don't know him It starts with a B

Lasting with a K Does it with alcohol Drink drink drink drink drink Nothing happens Yeah His insides are falling apart Yeah yeah He's fine he can drive

One of the most racist, Fattest comedians in the game You've heard of him Yeah You know what's interesting about hot wings though Is that it's sadistic When you want to hurt yourself Or masochistic

I always forget Which one is the Which one's the sadest Which one Anyways it's self punishment Going into it And I love hot wings Is it masochism

When you hurt yourself Maybe I don't know And I love them I know anything I don't know You look like you'd know You wouldn't know You're really into that stuff

But you order it just to punish yourself You know It's like the most It's the most bizarre meal And I do it a lot Like I eat them a lot in airports and stuff Freaking on planes I'm like why am I doing this

I throw a hot sauce sometimes When I don't want hot sauce Because it's offered Right I order a lot I eat a lot of eggs And on the road And they're like do you want a hot sauce

In my mind I'm like that And I'm like yep And then Yeah why And then like I don't know And then like sometimes I'll be like That's not enough hot sauce

And then I'll drown it And then I'll be like This is gonna hurt And then I eat that Everything hurts now My stomach hurts Do you ever catch a buzz off it In a

Yeah That must be what it is It's a weird way It's like a hide Yeah I catch a little high sometimes Yeah I like it to hurt my mouth

If it's sour too I love sour I'm like Oh it fucking burns It hurts I love to I hit you up about this stuff I love studying

The business Of You know What we do Like entertain I love the numbers I love all that And I

Like Gordon Ramsay Episode Blew up Yeah You know I was hitting you up Like do you believe this shit Cause I was excited for you

No it's crazy too Because You know From the time That we put up the first episode With Gordon Or without Gordon Ramsay First episode ever

Everyone's like Gordon Ramsay's gotta get on the show You gotta have Gordon Ramsay on the show And then like That pressure was so Loud all the time Like every tweet People would respond to it

Is like When's Gordon Ramsay on the show My IG comments Like whatever So there was so much Pressure that like Forced us both In the room together

And then you feel like You have these ridiculous Expectations for it But we're like Alright We're just gonna throw the Kitchen sink at him Just try to

You know Just make this Just the most outrageous experience Then he went to Bristol Farms And like Picked up all that stuff That he was like using Like the lemon and lime juice

He did Donuts Yeah And he's just like Fighting off the spice that way He was really aggressive with it The Brits The Brits are

They have like A real aversion They're bland Their palates very bland Every person from the UK That we've ever had on the show Has always been Struggle city

Yeah Yeah It was funny to see him I mean It was like Donut bite Every like You know

It came from a Educated place to as a You know Highly trained And a showman level And a showman level But the other thing That's like

Fascinating is like Obviously I know He's super famous You know Like you know He's a well known person That response To that degree

Is like I got excited Just seeing that response Me too Like we'd never had Anything that Crazy You know

Like we knew we'd drop it And it would do Well Like we knew that But The way that people just took with Like the way people took off I don't know

Probably like 30 million or something What Isn't that fascinating That's crazy man It's amazing It's wild It's amazing It's so great

Good for you Yeah So crazy Man That is That's nuts Man Oh

Do you wish you were taller Yeah I think like If I think about things I'd change about myself Adding two or three inches Would probably be In the top five

Yeah I would love I think I would take six two And just be like How tall are you Are you six foot Yeah

Like right at it You know Yeah But I feel like Six two would be like You know You're like Yeah

You don't want that Especially if you can't ball Then you're really No No Then it's like Your hand is way over there Like how would you even control

I've got one Okay Would you rather be taller Or have your peener be bigger What's up with How dissatisfied are you I'm just Asking

It's just Would you rather be taller I think we know I think we know Your answer For me I'm just thinking Because I was just thinking

Women don't want to be taller Generally I don't want to be taller What would I Be a guy Absolutely I wish I had smaller boobs But

I could buy that What would you want for me What would you want for me What would you want for me What would you want for me For you For me Yeah

Babe you're perfect I don't want anything for you That's called a wife Sean Okay Sean What would you want Taller or a bigger peener Taller

I feel like I feel good I'm like a dick level I feel good Like I feel like I just have like Like when you draw In a store

Right You know it's very It's like factory standard Yeah And I feel good about it And then I've seen it It's nice

But then Yeah I would like to get taller What do you want Would you like to have Like hair Like surfer dude hair You know what I don't have

I don't know if I would either I don't have Any desire I swear to you Like people are like Oh you know We have a similar thing going on Yeah

And you keep it close Same And I kind of like it The way that I cut through the air You know The way I feel the breeze You know it's a dozen perspective It doesn't bother

I actually like the way it looks Same So I'm fine with it In the maintenance I'm good I mean if somebody told me like Hey would you rather be like Like perfect physique Or taller

That's one where I'd be like Perfect physique I'd take perfect physique Perfect physique You know I made it this far I don't obsess about the height Whatever Yeah

Alright I saw this in a movie Oh sorry what were you going to say Sweet I didn't mean to cut you No I was just going to say You looked down That'd be awesome Do you wish I had like another couple inches

Oh my god no No down here Babe No I don't I don't Oh my god okay I saw this in a movie Just a little more growth

So I can't take credit Kind of like the water bottle I can't take I can't even touch my finger To my thumb Babe Okay Okay I got this from a movie

Again I can't take credit for it Would you Would you trade Five years of your life You lose five years of your life To be in perfect shape To have like a model's body Yeah

You didn't even hesitate on that one Yeah Five off the end I'm not going to tell you which five What do you mean Could be five prime years I'm going to take five prime years How does this work

You just go into a coma or whatever And then you can like No I take away thirty You go to sleep at thirty You wake up thirty five That's a coma Sure fine I'd take it

I'd take it But your body's rat Like you look perfect Your whole life Yeah I think I'd take that Take those years gone Yeah fuck it Yeah

And I'd do it right now Yeah I'd check out right now Where do I sign And then I'd just come back And be like the boys are in school They're doing well You check out your children's lives

Just for the first five years Yeah that's not an important Happening there I'll come back to like Who are you and like your dad Sleep in your apartment And they're like Well who's LeBron

And I'm like that's Another guy Oh my god Yeah Okay What about you Yeah Oh yeah

You would check out Yeah I don't give a shit None of my child None of someone would be like Now because of my children Like obviously If you go back to being like Thirty to thirty five

Fuck those years yeah Take them Fuck those years Those years you got married Don't care Don't care But you know when you come to the Realization like I just

You know in your brain you always Have the hope that one day You'll have a perfect body Oh yeah You're like this is the year I'm gonna work out And I'm gonna look perfect Like I'm like

It's never gonna happen for me Did you finally Are you there right now Yeah like I had that realization This morning I was like Today This is all wrecked Today

Today You look great You know but you have the Realization that this is as good As it's gonna pretty much get You feel like that This is it I had two children

This is ravaged This is gone Do you feel like it's all downhill From here Absolutely I'm gonna maintain I do Pilates twice a week And I'm gonna eat well

But it's not gonna get great Is what I'm saying Right I'm never gonna look like a model Yeah You know what I mean I kind of The illusion that you're gonna be

I think so How you look when you're 20 I think sometimes Yeah Yeah I think I get I think I do Yeah

And then what'll happen is Like you know you have like a couple Good or decent naked days Yeah You go to the shower Yeah Especially if it's like I've worked out like three days in a row

Yeah And I just came from lifting So muscles are a little swollen There's like blood in them And you're like you know This is pretty good And then maybe like You have a day off

And then the next day How do my body go to shit in a day? Yeah You feel like I mean it must be Obviously all in your head But like I'll feel like Oh no it's back to shit again

But maybe it makes you kind of lazy Sometimes I feel like it does that Where I'm like Oh well I could snap this back in At any time Right So fuck it You know

Now I feel like I'm I'm pretty far from It being even decent You know You look good You look good That's nice You're a nice guy

No baby you are You're beautiful Beautiful Thanks Handsome man You're a handsome man Appreciate it I'm on

I'm in movies You are You're imperfect I love you I just booked another movie That's not gonna be nice Okay Now

Now like all my parts by the way In the last I just booked a part I did three last year The parts were like Obnoxious brother-in-law Corrupt city councilman Yes

Corrupt police officer And coming up Corrupt Like asshole tech guy But the family one With Mark Wolpe That's got a good He's an asshole

It's got a good rotten tomatoes Though it does It did pretty well It did pretty well Right but I've told you this That you're going to flourish As an asshole Your character is asshole

My spouse That's what you're good at But that's what he's good at Communities She goes You know what your key is The way you've said it to me She goes

You know what you're really gonna Really do well in You're a fucking scumbag You're a scumbag She's like Well she knows She knows I mean casting

Yeah Like you know You don't know how you look You look like a scumbag Homeless Degenerate You married this I love it

Well why do you think Who are my types Yeah she likes Benicio del Toro I like Benicio What's the guy with his dick In the girls mouth Vincent Gallo

I like crazy Homeless looking Yeah Smelly lips Sometimes I'll catch her I'll catch her at a stop Like looking at a homeless guy Kind of licks her lips a little bit

And like Oh stop She's like oh he needs a hand Stop Now His legs Sean do you ever play this game When you're on an airplane

And people are filing past you When you see a woman do you go Like that could be I think I could love her And then you find something Immediately wrong with her Or like could that be my spouse And then you go

Because she's got like Her hair's parted poorly Or her teeth are bad You're like oh three toe rings The fuck Yeah I think I am like a people watcher Of warrior at heart

And sometimes I find myself Staring at someone And then trying to think about What it would be like To walk a mile in their shoes Or something Really Yeah I start to like wonder

What they're like Or how you know If I see somebody Walking by carrying bags of stuff I'm like you know How did they end up in this Position in their life Where they're carrying those bags

On this street and stuff And then I Start thinking about it I think a little bit more than Your average person Your average walker by would You know Yeah

I think that too But I don't do that specifically In the plane I'm not like Oh I could marry that person Then trying to find something To disqualify that Oh that's Christina's game

That's my game I think I could love you I could never love you And then I'll find a superficial Reason Yeah Do you find yourself going Rooting for who's gonna

Sit next to you All the time Yeah me too All the time And praying it's not that person It's always that smelly motherfucker Right next to you So I gotta ask you this

Cause it seems like I actually think you have the Best gig going in entertainment You know it's like It's such an awesome job And the show keeps getting better And the you know It's like

It feels like it's the perfect gig Right You know in a lot of ways It is everything that I Always wanted And it's a small team You know which And every time I talk to

Somebody else who's doing Some other thing I pop the hood on it And I realize like Maybe that I'm in my lane Doing my thing And not in that lane Doing that thing

All the time It's labor intensive Obviously we travel so much There's so much research Built into it The post production in the show Plus like the frequency With which we like crank

These things out The edit is like the key One of the most amazing Components Thank you Yeah I appreciate We work so hard on that Because I kinda just want

Everyone watching it To really feel that pain In those moments Like I always think Like the evolution of it Is some IMAX experience Where like They spit out the water

And you get like Sprayed with water Or something like I always think like It could be bigger than that Some sort of like Oculus Rift You know

Experiential thing Is like when I look into The future And think about What the show could be Or whatever But there is the wings There is constantly

Eating death wings That's true It give and it take Yeah okay That's the part I get But I feel like You know there's gotta be Either it's floated to you

Or it's in your own mind Like well then You know The TV show The talk show Right It's a natural You'll be a total

Obviously natural host At it Thank you Tom But then you go like You know And you know Maybe there's a time And a place for that

But I feel like Every time Like for us We'll you know Like oh you know You need to be doing TV And more You know

Stuff that like Traditional shows And you're like Oh there's so much Shit you have to deal with Yeah Then we come here And we're like

Oh we get to do whatever we want Bring out stupid water bottles And crazy clips Yeah Nobody's telling us we can No one tells us anything That's the thing Kind of the great gig

And I think too Is we've made this team Like as we've You know Conquered every single day Added to this team So now I love everybody That's around me

And yeah creatively There's nobody Who's gonna get in my way About anything You know like I could die on any hill That I want to Be supported

By the people that Are on the team And I'm really Proud of the show And what we do And the way that It's just sort of Done laps and laps

And laps around everyone's Expectation And then just Completely changes Your whole perspective On everything So in all of those ways Like you know

You kind of want to Soak in this moment And stay on track with it And maybe even Try to help that train Go higher and faster But yeah I think about that

All the time Cause people you know Like whatever Like what's next What's next What's next You know Or like

That's just people And that's the nature And I'm like I kind of just want to Tighten my grip On just this thing right now Yeah Especially if you've got

A successful thing Ride the fuck out of it I know But don't you feel like People are always like Yes What's the thing What do I know

I don't know Do I want to Rip all the cords out And try to put it into Something else And then try to get This whole thing back Like

You clearly have And people want to Watch it Just keep doing it Right And people like the show So I'm like What do I want to

Fuck it up Yeah But I know People fucking People like are fanatics Yeah For hot ones And people like

You know I've experienced The people coming up to me Just from being on hot ones It's like You know They'll quote lines from it Yeah Yeah

I get emails about it And you know People They love that Like I brought up Trick Daddy Because then they're like You not only were guest

But you clearly had Been watching the show And that Trick Daddy Episode is like a super That to me is the most Underrated episode ever It's not like this It's amazing

Ramsey like tens of millions Of views but it's arguably Like one of our best interviews And Trick Daddy What I love about it Is when he first got there He didn't know what hot ones

Was And he was like Looking at it Like Are we rolling like that I don't even see his Shoulders drop And he just falls into the

Show So effortlessly And then We're having this Like deep dive career Spanning interview On Trick Daddy And he started to

Rock with it in that way And then that Acidine part That you referenced is One of the One of the moments We're most proud of At the show

Barnaby Eat a booty gang Eat a booty gang Eat a booty gang So you seem like A pretty together person Do your parents Support your career?

Yeah My dad With the gifts He's getting them now Right It was a good Christmas For my dad But yeah

Like They've always been Super supportive Well my mom passed away When I was in high school But my dad's super supportive Even like Coming out to New York

Because at first It's like hard to explain Even You know He's not watching YouTube and stuff So he's like Oh you're gonna do

You make a web talk Show on the internet You know Exactly Okay But he was super supportive And then You know once we got

People like Ricky Gervais in the chair Once I did Colbert Like that was a big deal For him Because he was such a Huge Letterman fan

So like that being In the same theater In the Ed Sullivan theater That was like He was like Oh okay That's huge Amazing

And you got Colbert To play your game I know That was You know when he Spit milk On the stage of the Ed Sullivan theater

I was like You know That's awesome man Now you're originally From Chicago Yes We love We're big fans of accents

Chicago Have you noticed my droll? You I don't I feel like you're a professional Broadcasting You're so smart Did you go to a good college?

I went to a pretty good college Yeah Where'd you go? University of Illinois Yeah But you couldn't be We were just studying Yeah

They get top dollar What did you study? Wait I'm gonna get Broadcasting Yeah Have they had you come back yet? Well I want to go back

And yeah They've kind of Hinted at it And I get like Tagged in like The schools Twitter And stuff

And then kids that Work at the Newspaper It's a buzzing thing Same with like At my high school Well what I think is Weird

Is that I grew up in a Northwest suburb Of Chicago And I see that the Like local Newspaper there They've never said

No You know like The hometown has never been Like Has never even acknowledged it But Whatever Like I'd love to go back

To University of Illinois I think it's like Because that would be cool I think that if I were a Student there now And I watched the show I think that would be Like so cool

Yeah Like I think Hugh Hefner Went there Some good Broadcasters Went to you Roger Ebert Hugh Hefner And me

Well the accent Is like that When someone has a Hardcore act Like all types of act We're just fascinated by it Yeah But one thing that's

Really interesting Is if somebody I don't know if you ever heard Let's say somebody with a Hardcore Chicago accent Who's actually Really well educated

It's a pretty Amazing juxtaposition So check out this guy Speaking And just You know Just give us your thoughts Preserve on the

San Joaquin Delta It's pretty amazing It's nice You see the Bunch of willows It would You'd get that Be a massive coast live

Outgrown on the shore Is a bunch of invasive Blackberry brambles And despite the The metastic tumor Of modern society You know There's still a couple

In danger plants Which haven't been knocked out I mean this guy Really knows Yes The metastic tumor And he's kind of Feel a soft work

Like it's not Just about the plant life Right Yeah It's like that You remember that SNL Chris Farley

Like the Yeah Duff bulls You know Duff bears Duff bears Duff bulls Now by the river

My D Jordan 242 The rest of the guys 6 6 Yeah Including the Antioch doing

Primrose And then there's There's supposed to be A wallflower Eurysthmum Which is an Abracica family The Abracica family

I think it might Have bloomed already Dude I've never heard Anything smart Come out of that He's funny Or do you think he's Just going

No For a second I'm like this guy Thinks he's Farley in the Sketch And then I'm like No I think this guy really

Just knows this shit And he's He's one of these guys Who's fascinated by Something no one else Is You know Like he's

Really laying out What plants are out there With enthusiasm I think it's genuine Yeah He's a smart guy That sounds Dumb with the accent

Yeah exactly But like They don't persuade you Like you know I'm into it A little bit more Right When you guys play these clips Do the people in the clips

Ever Acknowledge Sometimes Hot guest No Sometimes Do they ever reach Yeah like either

That's so funny Or stop doing it Yes they love it Sometimes like The people who you're like Look at this fucking Shit show They're like

Can I come on And you're like No And then the people who you're like I wish we could figure out Who this is You'd never find her The ones that were desperate

Like king ass ripper I don't know if you're familiar With his work He's a gentleman that farts on Food and eats the food Yeah He's just a girl Farter

Oh my god He won't come on Oh I wish we could find that guy He's another one Like Allusive Yeah

I mean There's a deal man Yeah It's another celebrity We'll never know We've tried to find this guy Not a chance King ass ripper we actually

Would you have him on the podcast I feel like that would be Which one This on me Yeah try that guy I would Yeah That would be the move

I would send a car I'd put him in the trunk I'd send a car And I'd be like Yes Please come talk to us Piss on me I'd probably hire security

For that day though Yeah The guy's out front I don't think Yeah no I think try that guy We'd need to be like Can we have an armed officer here

I guess I don't know where This is gonna go But I would really love to To the bottom of that video Yeah Yeah that's my favorite video Yeah It's an interview only you guys could do

Yeah Now Uncle Pete Uncle Terry Oh he would come on No I don't know if we could have him on We couldn't No we couldn't

Can we have him on you think I don't know man I know we can't even play his clip anymore We should probably Actually right if Like if he's talking And he's not shoving stuff up his ass Then I don't see us getting flagged for that

But I mean we've lost so much money Because of that guy already Yeah that's true Yeah he's really fucked us But Yeah basically We're not allowed to play

For people who are wondering Because we had to cut him out Of a couple things It's because People are The video people were like You can't have that guy Putting stuff in his ass on yourself

You know that's how you lose the McDonald's That sure is That's how you lose the McDonald's Wow you're so You're really up on her stuff You're listening Goodness gracious Yeah

I'm four stroke gang He's ride or die this boy So nasty So that's That's Terry having an orgasm And super slow mo We're allowed to play that I find that we're allowed to play that

That's so nasty Now is your girl Is she cool Is she in a fart Yeah She's chill She's cool Do you fart in front of her?

I'm trying to keep the romance Alive as long as I can Man I'll keep hearing this from This is modern Yeah what is this Tom has no idea This is pretty good Now did you fart in front of other girlfriends?

No he's not the kind No This is a gentleman here Tom How long before you started Just freely farting No it was a few weeks No no no no it wasn't It was a few months because

I remember the first time I spent the night at your place I was next morning watching TV In your box for sure In my box It wasn't a week one It was a few months It was a few months

But what I did was To break the fart barrier I went I'd instead of being like Here's a little fart I just decided to go for it In Paul I didn't think about it Yeah

But I took her hand I put it between my legs And I farted on her hand for the first fart And she goes Smells like garbage Smells like garbage And then I was like well at least we're in there now

I think that if you're going to do it That's probably the way to do it I think so too Wake somebody up with just the bucket Full of ice water like that That's exactly what happened What did you think about that afterwards I never really

You know it's another red flag That I chose to ignore You're so You know it was that in the serial killer talk Early on It was a red flag And I was like I don't know there's so many good things about

Yeah You I just pushed past it I just liked you You know Tom I'm so attracted to him It's like this just thing This unconscious thing

I can't control it No matter what he does If he farts out He could shit on my chest And I would just be like Ear to ear I would just adore him Oh come on

I would adore you That's really sweet There's nothing you can do Besides cheat on me I would fucking cut your painter off But other than that She meant that I mean it

That's like the only thing you could do What counts as cheating Oh my god I don't know Shut up I mean we have our I have my tour bus permission Your bang bus privileges

I'm allowed to like I know you told me I could throw it around in the bus Oh my god I never told you that Oh shit Alright And condoms are a must I always wear a condom

Okay And then You know Right So what did your dad do growing up Were you Are you fancy Did you grow up fancy

No He's a judge So like You grew up fancy as fuck But I didn't It wasn't how fancy A judge sounds real serious You're smart and fancy

I'm not fancy I didn't grow up fancy It didn't feel fancy Is he a federal judge He's like He works for the Human Rights Commission So You know

Civil rights cases Shit He's smart as hell He is smart He's smart as fuck Yeah Wow He is super smart

He's like you're the wing guy, huh But that's what I mean He was never You know Yeah But I mean now Yeah but now I think

But that's It's like kind of crazy about YouTube and the world and stuff Because now Wing guy makes more than the The judge For sure Now were there expectations

For you to go to law school And follow in his footsteps No And I don't even think that he'd Want that He didn't really You know I didn't have that kind of pressure on me

I was like You know if anything Because he worked so much And then So I feel like I was like Almost had a latchkey childhood A little bit more

I was very like Yeah I was very like $40 By the phone Sort of childhood You know Like that sort of situation Grudge door combination

Comedy go Sort of childhood I love it And how old are you Are you 40 yet? 32 Oh so you're young You shouldn't even be a latchkey kid

I thought you were 50 You're not 40 yet But that's great Because that's really the I mean look Gen Xers traditionally We were latchkey kids And you know

We created the fucking internet And now you guys Are creating cool content On the internet And taking it to the next level That's so great I wonder Does your dad do the dad thing

Where he like Without getting into it Do you do the finances Where you tell him And he's like What the fuck Oh my god Well

He's just to kill himself A little bit A little bit A little bit Without getting into it He's The side of that That he shows

Is more of Like he's proud of me Sure You know He It is good to have Somebody Whose opinion

You can trust When it comes to stuff like that You know Because whatever People Will try it Yeah exactly So I actually like that

My dad will be He'll come from a place Of just trying to Help me You know Of course And he would be Like excited

Like if I moved to L.A. And I had to Get a car Or something Like he would be excited To go car shopping With me Cause he's like

You know It would be an experience I'd like to show him You know That'd be cool Yeah I hope you do do that I know

When are you moving to L.A. I think Within the year Oh that's right Yeah This time You know Cause whatever

The show The way that it runs Is on these You know 12 episode seasons And these three months on One month off Sort of production schedule

So I'd be able to Finish season 10 By the end of This calendar year And then I could make Or relocate the show out here Which isn't that big a deal Cause it's basically

Yeah Just an editor We'd have to Take our editor Who's already a California kid And bring them to Cali And then And that would be

All that we'd need to do To make that happen So I think like January 2020 I'll be in Los Angeles Not in New York

Hey Hey Welcome Avocados Sunshine Or in and out in your body Yeah Hey have you seen Jean

This clip And this is from One of the documentaries That I've been Watching Do full volume here And there are two Types of personality features

That you have A great deal of The first of them is called Anti-social personality disorder Yeah What it refers to Behaviorally as someone who Yes

Does not have a conscience Does not have remorse Does not feel a sense of guilt But most of the bad things they do Is impulsive The typical things we see Before age 15 And people who

Earn that label Are Cruelty toward animals Cruelty toward people Yeah I think your acting range You could widen the scope You could play a

Psychopath serial killer Cool Easy And then the kids Making these memes Are getting borderline Too good at them Yeah

By the way You realize where technology Is going next Like you saw that guy Did the one Do you see the one where like He had like Rogan Diaz

The bikini walk Yeah It was on my Instagram The Christina P If you want to see it Yeah That was It looked spot

I mean That didn't even look like Anything but You know Like it really happened I couldn't see the seams You know It was

And this was Jenna Sunday Thank you Jenna I knew it It was her work She's done a bunch of these By the way Somebody on Twitter

Posted one And they're like Hey Christina Is this you on road rules And it was like A girl in the shower With her tits

And I was like Oh my god Is that me? That's what I thought too I was like Oh man I'm going to jack off To this old footage

Of my wife It's not me I know But I jacked off Babe I didn't know I didn't jack off But I did think it was you at first

And I started I did too But I was like Those aren't my tits Yeah But she had like Your expression Your shoulders

And you know Uh-huh And I was like Here we go Here we go And I was reaching down And then I didn't Jesus

Well I'm flattered That you still want to Jerk it to me Yeah I do Sweet of you babe I do it all the time Really? Sure

That's not even the truth It's the person that creates that That's where they all get together All those great meme makers They do all that stuff They network? So they created like This comedy content collective where

There's like Oh Deezus And Jenna Oh my gosh They all put their stuff together That's smart Yeah So it's great

Without them There's no Yeah Memes They do All the Photoshop songs You know Just hilarious stuff man

So what's coming up next man? Just finishing out the season Then I'll take a little Vacay And then Where are you going to go? You can tell us Yeah you know what I want to do

Yes At that Well I always feel like I have to go back to Chicago Say what's up to the family And you know what I want to hit this year Have you guys been to Yosemite? No

I want to hit a national park I want to see a bear in the wild That's cool This is my new move So this is my new move for this vacay You're going to take your lady Yeah Wow

Give her a pose to her At Yosemite Yeah it would be so exciting I'm getting a jet I'll give you a discount on the charter If you're looking at it Oh okay yeah Alright cool

Yeah That's cool That's a pretty Exciting trip How long How long are you going to go for? Well because I only have like 12 days Or something

So whatever Maybe I can sneak a day on each side Stretch it to two weeks Pop into You know Chicago For Five days Hit Yosemite

For like a long weekend And then Exciting Right back to Wolfen Down Chicken Wings What do you do for fun? What's your vice?

Um Well I think now I just work so much But I find myself When I'm in LA In that In that West Hollywood vibe Where there's that

You know there's the comedy store Dudes And then there's I know I thought you may have been into dudes When you said that Really? Oh he's into dudes Even after the whole

Alright The girlfriend You know no shit Yeah that's weird But uh There's that Hotel triangle there Like Andaz

Like I'm a big fan Of that pool on the roof Yeah Popping into the pods Margarita You know some chips and salsa That's such a vibe up there But then like

The summer scene At the Mondrian I like that I like that pool scene Yeah And then there's some hot ones Fans that like Work out there

By the pool But they're like Like pool, towel, grunt Sort of But that's like That's the best connection That's the best That's the best thing to run

So I'll be on like Those day beds or whatever That are like Have like a four thousand Dollar drink Drink minimum You know that are usually reserved For like whoever

Is in their pop and bottles I'll just be like Eating nachos on those things Yeah Yeah that's awesome Those are the That's a good vibe The working class person

That like Listens to this show Is my favorite to run into You know like Same The dude who's driving The FedEx truck Or

Sometimes they Even like You know drive by That's like the Orkin man Yeah The guy cutting grass And like they

That's my favorite shout out To get Dude one time I was at the Fartmassy getting my prescription Felt And a guy goes Christina I go Yeah he goes

I'm listening to you right now And he was stocking drinks At the Fartmassy Yeah And I was like This is crazy Yeah Whenever we do a show

And Or like Whatever If I'm speaking at some Thing It's like The people that work Backstage

Or like Making food or something Those guys are always Hot ones fans And it's like The biggest point of pride For the show Like for the people who make it

Like we love We love that scene Plus those are the people That can make it happen for you Absolutely Yeah That was absolutely then Sean

Thank you so much for coming Thanks for having me You're the best We hope you continue success With the show And hope to see you again soon man Alright Thanks guys

Hi mommy I've been smoking like a mother fucker man I run L.A. basically south of the tent Feed me sandwiches Pets all the time Balls licked Get some barbecue I'm the all god damn dig

Eat some burnt shit south of the tent Ten times 10 with an S on there From the hundreds black From the world Vodka, gin I don't play around these parts Eat some burnt shit south of the tent Ten times 10 with an S on there

From the hundreds black From the world Vodka, gin I don't play around these parts Eat some burnt shit south of the tent Ten times 10 with an S on there From the hundreds black From the world

Vodka, gin I don't play around these parts Eat some burnt shit south of the tent I'm the wild animal I stab you in your sleep Get your ass out my face Respect my privacy I don't feel nothing

I get what I need I'm a wheeler I'm a doolus I forget some of your jeep I bet outside You ain't shit Get me something Get something

They gotta pay up You can get kidnapped You're under my care Better show mother fucker respect Uh, yeah Of course not a little New Corvettes What I do is what I'm doing

Oh shit You can not disrespect me Can not Add Mother fucker black Pied apple to the big eye I just get shit done 20 for a sailor

Who's number one Eat some burnt shit south of the tent Ten times 10 with an S on there From the hundreds black From the hundreds black Fucker I don't play around with these parts You know what I'm saying

Eat some burnt shit south of the tent Ten times 10 with an S on there From the hundreds black Fucker I don't play around with these parts You know what I'm saying Yeah, I didn't live outside for three years I lived outside

Caught stepping up the game Yo, when the fuck are we going back To the dog park? I have people Chihuahua Doofy Gurg Labrador I'm deal