Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 496-Scott Thompson & Try It Out Guy - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: April 24, 2019

Following Passover and Easter, The Mommies bring us the MOST holy day ever... Today we speak to the "Try It Out" guy, Robert! But before that we learn about Tom and Christina's first date when the Mommies ponder what dating would be like now. There is a Men's Hugging Group, which seems to be strictly social by nature!! Who on the YMH staff has the longest body hair?? We find out and award Zim with a Perfect Package from MANSCAPED.   FINALLY.... ITS HAPPENING. The "Try It Out" guy is on the phone with Tom and Christina! We learn the answers to all of the questions we've always been wondering about and then some. We're home here now!   Last, but certainly not least, from KIDS IN THE HALL it's Scott Thompson! Tom has had some of his dream guests on and now it's Christina's turn to fan-girl! Scott tells the mommies how he has PTSD from the AIDS epidemic in the 80's and discusses all the nitty gritty involved in his world at that time. Scott opens our eyes to a side of gay culture that we rarely think about. We also hear about Scott's K.I.T.H character Buddy Cole as well as another of Christina's favorites, and his future.   This episode was hardcore fun and we know you mommies will love it just as much as we did!

Welcome, welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura, and Christina Pazitzi. Welcome to your mom's house. The library blocked my password. We're back. Welcome. That's your mom. This week's episode of your mom's house. We're super excited about this week's episode.

Oh, come on. We have just amazing, amazing conversations who share with you a phenomenal guest who really enlightened. I mean, there was a lot going on with this interview. Man, and I got to tell you that you've had your heroes on the show. You've had your big daddy, Kane. You've had two short, and I got to tell you that this guest is my two short, my big daddy Kane.

Yeah, yeah. Scott Thompson is coming in. He's here. You invited him. He's here, and I invited him because the show is invitation only. Yeah, you can't just come on. You can't just come on here, and you know what, you can't just tweet at me and demand who gets to be on your mom's house.

No. It doesn't work that way. We vet the guests. Make sure they're of a certain caliber, and Scott Thompson met that criteria. You know, in a big way. Scott was fantastic, you know, invitation was extended. He came what we have right now to kick off this episode. Big episode.

It is something that I didn't think existed. I didn't think whatever happened. That is that, in my opinion, the definitive clip of all the clips we found on this show and shared with the audience, the one that stood out the most to me, the one that defines the type of show that this is, and the one that I would play in court that they were telling me to summarize this show, is one that some of you might refer to as the try-it-out guy clip. Well, somehow, some way, through the love of Jesus Christ in heaven, and the saints,

whom many of you pray to, this man put out another video, and I gotta tell you, I don't know how much time has gone on between videos. He has not lost his way. He's on the same path. He hasn't been turned off in any way to pursue any other goals in his life. Are hobbies or interests? He actually still has the same decor, and just the same message. The message stays the same.

He's like the Dalai Lama. Yeah. He's like, I am just going to repeat this until people understand, and why do we even ... He's the same ol' G. He's the same G. Why don't we just give it a little taste, start the show, and then we can get into some real homework.

Oh my God. So if you're a top, and you're a black, or a Tino, or you're a homeless ex-con, come and check it out. May I say 1-8-9? I'll be waiting. And you're the boss. This shit is big time. Who is Randy?

Don't bring anyone loving to this. Yo mama, the fuck is there? Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segura. And Christina Pajitsiki. Christina Pajitsiki. Welcome to your mom's house.

With Tom Segura. Tom Segura. And Christina Pajitsiki. Christina Pajitsiki. Welcome to your mom's house. And Christina Pajitsiki. Christina Pajitsiki. Welcome to your mom's house.

God is good. And, you know, I just, I never thought that. I need to be fucked a lot man. That the great try it out guy. Everybody knows him as a try it out guy, right? Well, the try it out guy. He's a deal man. Everybody knows him and everybody loves him.

And he has inspired so many of us to create our own theatrical videos. I mean everybody, we even did a whole series of try it out videos. I know. And we cut them, they were super cuts of it. I know. It was, notice by the way that it used to be try it out and then now. Come check it out. Wow.

Checking it out. Wow. Little bit, pretty much the same thing. Same message. I got to say now he's a, it's a lot more calm. Let's start from the beginning. Yeah. Let's go through the fine tooth comb.

It's the same message, but he's a little more chill. He's a little more subdued here. And I would say he's cleaned up a bit. He looks as though he may have rested a bit more and the mustache is a lot bigger and thicker and we've got a red bow above his head. We had that before, I believe. The bow was there. He likes boats.

It's consistent. He likes his boats. Are you a hot black Latina guy looking for a place to live? How much? $23.95. You don't have to pay any rent. He sleeps in a key and you will be the boss of the house. And he goes from mild to wild to kink.

Okay. Nice. So far. Mild to wild kink. That's a new addition. Mild to wild to kink. Right, but that's a new addition. Yeah, yeah.

Before it was a straight piss on me, beat me. Fuck me, I need to be fucked a lot. Yeah, it was more of a frantic call to action. Yeah. This is a little calmer, a little more. It doesn't have to happen to all of us in life. Particularly men, you know, you kind of a little more aggressive and you're, and then some time goes by, you get a little older and you kind of chill out.

You're mature. Yeah. He's, his needs have been, um, that's the word I'm looking for. Just refined. Yes. It's a good way of putting it. Polished. So if you're a top and you're a black Latina or you are homeless ex-con, come and check

it out. And he said, one eight, nine, I'll be waiting and you're the boss. Oh, and he added that in there. It was kind of a sexier plea. It was kind of like he knew he was a little too desperate in the other one. Well, the other one too, it's like, you seem like you're the aggressor. And this one is clear that he's saying, you be the aggressor. You're the boss.

Yeah. And he does a little sexy thing, you know, hey, you're the boss. You're the boss. Letting you know. And what's interesting. I'll be waiting and you're the boss. You see, it's like. Now I clearly hear in New York.

Yeah. For some reason in the first video, the accent wasn't that clear to me. Now it sounds distinctly New York. Distinctly New York. Yeah. And he's more playful. You're the boss. He's more relaxed.

I think he's matured. Like we said, he's calmed down. And also you'll notice that he's not so strict on the black guys who like to fucking fuck it. Opened up the door. Yeah. Opened up the door to Latino. Now we're into Latinos, which is interesting.

I mean, he's making white guys not feel so good about themselves. But you know, the fact that he, that he's a little more inclusive. Yeah. Inclusive. That's exactly the right word, Tom. Hot, black, Latino guy looking for a place to live. Come a 23, 95. You don't have to pay any rent.

He leaves in a key and you will be the boss of the house. Still throwing around. He goes from mile to wild to kink. Anything goes from mile to wild to kink. Anything goes. Oh, see he does a lot of speaking without pause. Anything goes from mile to wild to kink. Right.

He said anything goes from mile to wild to kink. You know what I mean? Like he gets too excited sometimes. He's excited. And what he's trying to say is like anything goes from mile to wild to kink. To wild to kink. Anything goes from mile to wild to kink is how he says it. That's what kind of threw us off in the first video.

Now I heard. It's a lot of running. It's a lot of run on running it. I heard from mile to wild kink. That's what I heard him say. Go ahead. It's kink. Play it again.

You don't have to pay any rent. He leaves the key and you will be the board to the house. Anything goes from mile to wild to kink. To kink. Oh, from mile to wild to kink. We can make out. We can drown. Or we can do some fetishy stuff.

Board to the house. Anything goes from mile to wild to kink. Okay. Piss on me. Beat me. Piss on me. But see he doesn't go so far as to specify. No, I think maybe that didn't yield the results he wanted.

Right. That's just your message. That's what marketing experts would tell you. Right. He's casting a wider net. Now he's just saying kink. It's an umbrella for many behaviors. Got to feel it out.

He's trying to, yeah, more of an audience. Here's the deal, man. It's interesting. You just got to try it out. Here's the deal, man. Here's the deal. What a gift, man. What a gift.

I know. It's a treasure. He's a treasure. Here's the deal, man. And he's not as aggressive as he was in the first one. Way less aggressive. Yeah. Are you a hot, black, black, Latino guy looking for a place to live?

I played at the same time. That's why. Whoa. Are you a hot, black, Latino guy? Sorry. And it's check it out. And it's check it out. That is right.

Come check it out. Come check it out. Come check it out, man. Come check it out. Yeah. Wow. Speaking of dating, we have discovered a brand new dating show on Netflix called dating around.

Love it. Love it. Love it. Me too. I knew you. Love it. I love it. I found it on the road and I was like, I just saw myself.

I want a millionaire matchmaker. I want to see people fall in love. I do. I like it a lot. Well, I love it because it has that thank you patty moment that you love so much where you get to see who he likes or who she likes. Great concept. Masterfully edited.

So the concept of dating around is you have one person, the main goes on five dates. With different genes. They edit it in such a way that you see the five possible suitors in the same area, like the same place for each date. Let's say the appetizer drinks, the entree, and the post-drink hangout. You can see, you watch people. You're watching someone go on a date and you see where there's chemistry. You see where there's friction.

I've ripped through a few and I'm hooked. I cannot wait. Well, can I tell you what I love about this version and I'm so excited that they finally figured this out is that people don't need a host. You don't need a Roger Lodge. You don't need a Patty Stanger, you know, messing with people. If you just put the camera on two people having a first date, it's interesting enough. You don't need the bells and the whistles and the gimmick.

Well, there's a different show with Patty. I love what Patty did with her show. Her thing was more about coaching people who are very successful in one aspect of life, usually their work, business life, and couldn't get their romantic life. What we're talking about is the millionaire matchmaker for people who don't know. So she was like, she would coach you basically. These guys are like, you know, CEO of a company and then he's like, I don't know, he's got like a fucking pole in his living room and he's got jet skis and she's just like, your

whole shit's out of whack. And she would coach him to basically put on a better version of himself. Interesting concept. This one is more raw. It's just like you said, watching someone go on a date. It's horrible. It's so painful. I mean, it's like, you ever see like a couple, you know, they're on a date and you know,

it's an early date at a restaurant and you're like, man, I wish I could just listen in and watch. Yes. It's like that. I know. It's so great. I predicted correctly, by the way. The first one.

And like the first sequence starts and you get to see the introduction of each person. I press pause and I go, I know this is who has the chemistry makes a dick hard. And I need an anti thing. When I watched the first episode by myself before I told you about the show, I did too because I went up that guy's into her. You can you can tell it's like a physical unconscious thing. Yeah. I think I could tell more with a guy when the guy is dating multiple women.

Yeah. I can see I could be like, that's who the guy likes. I could figure it out. I can see like where the chemistry is like there are some where you're like, oh, this is good. These two could be friends. You know, these people are already have zero interest in each other and then you can see who has actual chemistry.

Yeah. I don't know why I love watching. I love it. And you know what? I love in a bad mood when they when someone's mean. Oh, I hate it. I hate when people are rude on first dates. Like there's somebody awful on the wall.

Cool. Here's the deal. Man. I'll tell you that. Oh, and you know what? I love to is how nervous people are when they meet each other for the first time. And you can always tell who's the most nervous because they order shots. Oh, yeah.

Those are some shots. Like they're so nervous to be speaking to a stranger like to just chill to like walk into, you know, a setting of meeting someone be like, you want to start off with shots? Yeah. No. No, like I would for me personally, for someone else, that's a wonderful person, if you were to do that on the first day, I'd be like, you're an alcoholic. Why do you need shots to talk to me?

Like this isn't going to go well at all. What's wrong with you, man? You can't just talk to somebody. But they're okay. I just I'll let we'll spoil or alert the first episode. There's like a girl from Jersey on there. And she's trying to be like, I'm like, I'm so independent. I'm like the confidence and you're like, you're not, but you're not.

Okay. Angie Martinez. I don't know who that is. I know. Who's that? She's talks like you talk. Oh, but I don't know. I just she just bugged the shit out of me.

She did spoiler alert. She did the fucking worst thing I've ever seen somebody do on a day. I couldn't believe this. What? She was like, so I chew loudly. Yeah. And the guy's like, I'm sorry. She's like, I chew loudly.

I smacked my lips and I, you know, I was like, my family always makes fun of me, but I chew loudly because I like food. I like flavors. He was super nice about it. He was. Oh, yeah. Cool. Yeah.

I'm like, ugh. And then they you see them ordering food and she's like, ugh, so nasty. She's so fucking nasty. Of course the guy's like, yeah, there's no blood going to my, my dick right now. Because if she, but if she were super hot, like if Charlize Tehran did that, you'd be like, that's fine. She can smack her lips. That's true.

I think, I think out of the gate, you'd be like, I don't care, right? She's beautiful. But if, if she had that personality, maybe it would turn, there's a lot of people. Even like some hottie. I don't know who the hottie is right now. If they had that whole personality, well, because it doesn't help that she's got major fillers in her like anybody who's under 30 with like filler work is fucking crazy. It looks cuckoo bananas.

And I don't like the ordering for you. That was aggressive. How she did it. I was really like, we're going to have the pad thai with extra peanuts. And we're going to have, I'm like, bitch, you don't even know this person. Like, like I don't want anyone. I mean, I never was that guy ever. No, they'd assume I'm in an order for somebody else.

It's very difficult. But I definitely don't want it done for me. Like he's sorry. What? Yeah, bitch, I don't know you. No, I don't want you to order for me. You don't even order for me now. We've been together for 15 years.

I would never presume. Super weird. And it's a power move. It's a weird move. Well, that's what she was trying to like it. She was at least not. I don't think she was misrepresenting herself. She was like, this is who I am.

She's like, she's like, I'm a piece of garbage. Yeah, I suck. I'm kind of a dick and you're probably not going to like me. You like me? I, um, everyone thinks I'm an asshole. I just want you to know that because I am. Especially my family. They're always saying what a fucking dick I am.

Oh, OK. You know, but I will say something, too, is that I don't like eating on the first date. I don't like I don't like in front of people. Right. And you're already kind of nervous. You know, you're not really hungry on a first date. At least I wasn't in the first date. You're just doing that version of yourself.

You want the, you know, of course, like you just I don't want to be eating like a bowl of spaghetti in front of a guy because it's messy. It's not very attractive to eat in front of a stranger. So I'd rather do drinks. What would you do if you had like a like let's say you have a day with the Lakers? Yeah, tonight with LeBron. Sure. Oh, stop.

But you got to put some extra Maxi pads in for sure. Well, because otherwise you're going to soak through your panties and slide off. Max, something to stop up all that juice. You are so nice. What are you going to do? You're going to be like a snail trail on every seat you sit on. What is wrong with you? How would you do it?

You're so gross. You'd be like this pussy's dripping. Stop pushing is dripping down my fucking bar flushing. You say shit like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, girl. Here's what I would do. Am I trying? So here's the deal, man.

Is that when you're dating men, do I want to do I want him to wife me up? Or do I want to just hook up? Those are two different dates. Hook up. I'm not that girl. A bar. Did you do people go to bars? Of course, that's where you should do it.

Bars are for fucking. That's what you're doing. You're you're lowering your inhibitions. You're you know, you're you're what? He's writing BlueBand LeBron loves wine. It's true. OK, so then OK, so here's my first day with LeBron. OK, you take me to like a nice wine bar.

I do. I drive you there. No, you do. Yeah, you're the driver. You're a designated driver. Hey, baby, enjoy your wine date with LeBron. You're not in the picture, right? I'm single. I'm like 27 years old. Oh, yeah, we're going back in time.

Great. Oh, it's not my line. Oh, I can't date LeBron. Why? Maybe I'm all into you, man. I'm into you. Go right, go right. This is before we got together.

OK, OK, OK, 27. This is the year before we get together. OK. And yeah, we go to the wine bar. And I'll be like. If you're 27, he's in high school. Oh, shit, that's right. Or maybe not.

I don't fucking know how I'll hold this guy. Well, wait a minute. It would be. Just whatever the fantasies. All right, fine. OK, he takes me to the wine bar, and then I pretend not to know anything about wine. You're like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

What's wine? And then he's like, girl, I'll show you what's wine. And then I was like, what's a peener, noir? And then he tells me. What's a peener? What's that? Did you put your hand around my back? And he's like, no, that's my dick.

I tickled with down the bottom of my pants and I threw it around your neck. And now it's hanging down the back of your neck. Oh, my God, LeBron. You're so charming. And then we get like a charcuterie plate. He's like, check out these motherfucking clown shoes. Yeah.

Oh, shit. He's got some big old shoes. Yeah, yeah. And then the only thing is. But then I don't want to go back to his hotel. I'd do him in the limo. What? Doesn't he have a limousine or something?

Sure. Why do you want that? Well, I don't want to go to his house if I'm just hooking up. Now, if I want him to wife me up, we're going to I'm going to take you might as well go to a nice dinner and stuff. Yeah, yeah. But for the hookup, you'd want the car hookup.

I don't give a shit. Really? I don't know. I've never done it. Honestly, I'm not like. But wouldn't you want the whole experience of like. Or like, what do you do? Well, the hotel suite or like or mansion, you know.

I don't want to go to his house. I'd really go to a hotel. Really? I don't want to get to know the person who's smashing. I guess. Yeah. Why don't you want to get to know them? Because I'm just one night standing, right?

OK, but I just didn't know the the thought behind it at all. I don't know because I've never had a one night stand. OK. But I would imagine I don't want to get to know their world. Like you just want to. Right. So let's just summarize it again. You you go on your wine date.

You fuck LeBron in a limo and the next morning you open your phone and you see I turn it to a telescope. I'm like, oh, no, he fell in love. He coughed feelings, homie. Damn. Oh, what the kids are saying? He slid into my DMs. Yeah, sure.

I hope that I hope we can make this happen. I think I am the worst dator ever. I could not survive a day in the wild without you. Yeah, yeah, I can't do it. I would never do it. I hope I hope one day you can be on that dating show. Thanks. I really do.

I'm not meant for dating at all. I'm meant for monogamy. This is it. Not me. Sure. I'm I'm going to get out there. OK. Put myself out there.

Okey doke. Date more. Yeah, all right. It's our first day. Let's talk about our first day. What did we do? What was our first day? We went to a bar.

You wanted to go hiking. That was your suggestion. I was like, nah, I don't do hiking. Then we went to a bar. Because they could smoke. Because it was the Colorado. It was in Pasadena. Because you could still smoke there at the time we both smoked.

And I was like, all right, let's just go smoke some cigarettes, play pool, talk. If I like you, then that's what you're going to do for the rest of your life. It's on body. See, it's exactly what you're saying. Because you had a smash kind of path in your mind. I thought you were, do you know that you

were supposed to be my first one night's date? Yes. So you took me to a bar. It's like what we're talking about. You didn't think of me as like the nice dinner guy. You're like, I wanted this pig to just hoe me on out. And then we went from there. And then you took me back to your place.

I know. I tried to hoe you on out. You did. But then I liked you. I was LeBron catching things. I suck the fucking dick. I get the fucking cum. That was you.

And then I was like, I think I love you, Tom Secret. I couldn't do it. I know. You were very cute. You were only 25, I was 28. That's crazy. And now you're 47. It's almost your birthday, Gene.

Well, by the time this comes out, it is my birthday. This is out on my birthday. Oh, happy birthday. We're after it even. Happy 50th. I'm not 50. But I am 40. No.

You have that midlife crisis? Yeah. All right. I got that. I ordered some jewelry. Jewelry? Yeah. You did?

No. No, I don't order jewelry. I hope you do. I don't know. We'll see what happens. You may have to join a men's support group for your 40th birthday. A men's support group for what?

For anxiety. Did you know that there's a men's support group you can join? It's not sexual. It's just where men cuddle and hug each other. OK. You want to hear about it? I'm listening. Go ahead.

Let me see what this is. A Montgomery County men's group is looking to heal through the power of cuddling. On its media page, the men's therapeutic cuddle group says its goal is to provide a safe, structured, and platonic environment for men to experience acceptance, affirmation, and affection. It's not sexual.

That's what platonic means. Guys sometimes just need to hug to heal. God, how many times have you put this message out there? It's totally normal for guys to get together and hug. And just feel better about life. There's a lot of normal things out there. There wasn't any other trainers. There wasn't anyone to teach me.

So I had to go out and learn and put together the ideas. Well done, Seeker. Go to a present for me. Yeah, just like a cool pop play guy. It's not sexual. It's a normal thing that happens. That's how little puppies don't like this. It's an important thing to do.

Oh. Oh. It's OK. Oh. That's OK. Oh. Is that the men's cuddling group? Yeah, that's kind of what it turns into, I think.

Some huggers don't like this, but some do, yeah. You've come because you need a tail, haven't you? Oh, boy. Yeah? Good puppy. Is this the tail you'd like us to give you? Yeah. Good puppy.

Whew. Yeah. Is that all the audio for this cuddling group? There's one more where we hear the rules. This is the best. Here's the rules. It's must shower, before, and remain fully clothed. They specify this is strictly platonic,

and they're accepting men of all backgrounds, but they say men who are obese or have back or knee injuries may have trouble fully participating. What? For CPS Philly. Knee trouble, because you can't get down there and suck those dicks? Hey, wait a minute.

And by the way, no fat guys. I love that, that the organizers are like, we don't have any fat guys in this, right? No fat guys allowed. Oh, and also showering. It helps to be hot if you want to be part of our group. Yeah, nothing sexual. Yeah.

Well, and the mandatory showering beforehand. Yeah, why? Why? Just cuddling. Just cuddling and being cuddled. Oh. Let's have a look at the middle. Oh, shit.

Oh, sir. Oh, big dog. This guy with the mask on was going like, oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. That's the noise the dog makes.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Hold on. Hold on. Hoppy, you are coming. Hoppy.

Hoppy, let me close that for you. Oh, man. You know what I love too, which is unique to men. Yeah. And a men's cuddling group is that they have to tell the guys to shower beforehand. Like, that's how disgusting you guys are. Yeah.

Oh, you guys have to shower before you come to this cuddling cuddling group. Yeah. Like, no duh. No. Anyways, speaking of horrible things, our own blue band has a horrible or hilarious. Yeah.

You teased me and you're like, I have horrible or hilarious. I'm like, OK. Yeah. You're like, it's of me. And I'm like, wait, what? Yeah. So just a little setup on this. OK.

So I was hanging out with my friend and we were getting ready to go to dinner somewhere. So I went outside. You will see me on the left side of the screen right there. Where? Tell me the area. Right there. Oh, OK, OK.

So that's me. And you're leaving a friend's house. I'm leaving a friend's house. I'm waiting for him to input the alarm code. So I'm just waiting outside by myself. And then I notice this tree over here. And it's blossoming. I'm like, I wonder if the flowers smell nice.

So I lean in to go smell. And the rest is what happens. OK. So we have a driveway shot and we see on a security cam. Right. So I'm walking out. He's walking out. I'm waiting for my friend.

I see. Yep. Just looking around. Oh, I noticed the tree. Oh, yeah. Oh, I wonder if it smells nice. Let's see if this smells good. Yeah.

Let me just smell it. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What happened? I fell. This is how terrible my balance is. Immediately, the second I lean, immediately lose balance. Wait.

You fell from leaning? Yeah. I leaned forward. Nothing hit you? No. I just leaned forward. Go back. I immediately lost my balance.

Go back. Go back. Look how he lays there for a while. I know, dude. Like the old lady. So I'm laying like an old lady. Like I fall. Oh, my God.

I fell five feet and for a period of like four seconds. Like I fell slowly. Oh, my God. I thought something like pricks you. You know what I mean? And freaks you out. Lean in. I immediately lose balance.

Dude. And then right as I fall, my friend comes out of the door right here. Yeah. And we just kind of lock eyes and just kind of laugh. And then I look in this direction and I notice the security camera that is currently capturing all this. No. Yeah.

You look at you laying there like the life alert commercial. Yeah. I had fallen and I couldn't get up. Yeah. I mean, you look like it's all over. No, yeah. I really scuffed my palms there on that. Really?

Aw. There's your friend. He's like, hey, dipshit. And you're like, what happened was I leaned and then I lost my balance. Yeah. He was like, what happened? I was like, I leaned about two inches off my center of gravity and then just everything comes down.

This is too fucking funny, man. I like this part where your hands go up. I mean, you can't. Yeah. It's the most cartoonish fall. It is cartoon. And also that you stay there for a while. Well, yeah, because I'm not 100% sure how hurt I am.

I got you. I'm falling and I can't get up. I'm not hurt at all. And you're not hurt, though. Okay. You're okay. That was the best. But then I also do have a different thing for me to show you.

You do? Yeah. Because I tweeted it a little bit. I tweeted it a little bit and I figured, you know, this is probably also something that's worth, you know, just sharing a little bit. You have to watch, Tom. Okay. So here I am.

I'm falling. Yeah. And then that. What is that from? I just looked up gigantic explosion. It looks like Israel. Yeah. I think you're right.

I think it might be in the Middle East. Jesus. Please post that everywhere. That is amazing. I have three or four more of these, but that's definitely the best one. Please click it on the YMHA Instagram. That's amazing. What is it, by the way?

YMHA Studios? Yeah. If you follow the official accounts, they've been a little inactive, but each one should have its first post. YMHA Studios on Instagram and on Twitter. Great. It's awesome. Hilarious, man.

Yeah. So, I mean, I know that the main thing that makes it funny for you is the sound, but is knowing the person? Does that add another layer of funny? Because I remember I've missed these before, where I thought I knew the thing that made you laugh, and then I was just completely wrong about it. No, I feel a little bit worse for you because I know you. Interesting.

I feel the complete opposite. What is the thing? I feel better laughing because I know none of them. I was a little worried. I have a little more concern watching it, because I don't want you to be hurt. I think, to me, the funniest part is the beginning of it, like you going, like you're on ice, and you're just leaning forward. That was the funniest part to me.

I like the laying down part. That was the funniest part to me. The laying down is the neatest. If there was audio of you letting out a hellacious scream, I'll go back into it. I'll see if there was maybe an audio feed. That would be great. Did you let out a yell? Oh, do I think?

I mean, this happened like two weeks ago. I definitely yelled. You did? I was like, oh my God! And then just cackling like an idiot after I've already fought. Hilarious. Did you even know what caused you to fall? Did you go like, what happened?

Yeah, the second my arms went, did you try to keep myself from falling? I'm like, oh, I've lost my balance. How poor is your balance? It's terrible, Tom. I don't have great core. I don't have great core. I don't think I've ever seen anybody like that. That fell as cartoonishly as that?

No, I've never seen anything like that. It's cute. It's endearing. It is endearing. It's endearing. So I think we should probably get into this contest before we get into the... I don't know. Do we have to?

Josh actually just went out real quick. Oh, he did? But actually, you don't really need... No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this is a... Yeah, you can go ahead and set it up. So we set it up a while ago, and then I didn't want it to let it go.

We mentioned that the boys here could compete for that cool Manscape kit that was set to Oh... Oh, I'm going to throw up already. I actually have a gag going on. Oh, God. My eyes are curing up. Can we get Josh back in here? Is he like on a run or something?

I think he's probably grabbing lunch. Yeah, he's grabbing the lunch. Oh, my God. But I mean, hey, there's the Manscape contest we had. So you came up with the... Oh, man. You came up with the idea. My eyes are watering.

Yeah, it's hard to even look at. I feel sick right now. Oh, you're back, Josh. Good. Yeah. So I feel sick. I can't even look. What I was letting people know was the contest was for the Manscape kit, the groomer, and

all that stuff. You guys are savage. And... Oh. So you guys propose that whoever has the longest single pube should get the kit, which makes sense so you can trim your fucking horrendous pube. So we're looking at A, B, and C. A is kind of... C looks most like a classic pube.

Right. Like a hotel. You'd find that in the hotel. They're here, by the way. You taped them down here. I feel like I'm gonna vomit. I don't want to look any closer. Yeah, but you're supposed to measure them.

How are you gonna... I can measure very clearly. I can see what's going on here. There's a clear number. No. Yes, there is. Well, look at C. C is curled over. I know, but you can see...

It's not extended. The portion of C is curled over. You can pull that back with your eye. And C... I don't know. B and C are really close. You may have to unravel it with your fingers. No, you can see it.

Could you identify whose is whose? Well... That's the game. So... Well, I can't see the color. I mean, obviously, blue bands gotta be red. I'm gonna fucking puke if I lean over and start... I really am.

I don't know why. I didn't expect to feel... Ew, I feel sick and I'm not even near it. I feel absolutely revolted right now. Okay. How about this? Can the owner of C unravel it so you don't have to... No, we don't need to unravel it.

But I'm convinced that it's deceptive. No, you don't. You can see it. You can see it. It's deceptive. It's clear. You don't know. B is the longest by a mile, which is what this is all about.

Well, I think we need science, babe. You're not doing this to exact... What are you talking about? This is... You're cheating. Well, you need to unravel it. You gotta unravel it. No, you don't.

Do you want a fair contest or not? You can see that... You're just eyeballing that shit. Number one is... Like, the winner is clearly B. So, the game here, just for us, is to guess who is who. That's it. I can't...

Because I can't see color, blue bands is obviously... Blue bands is obviously going to be orange pieces. He is C. He is C. Oh, okay. Blue bands is C. Okay. And then Chris is A, and disgusting cockroach...

Cockroach is B. Cockroach is B? For sure. And he's the one getting laid the most regularly of those. Do you guys want the answers? Or should we... Do you want a guess? Okay.

I'm going to make my guess. Okay. I don't want to look at the actual paper. Okay. Here's my guess. I'm going to walk you through my logic, okay? Okay. Okay.

My mother... Yeah. Because my own mother was a ginger, like our lovable blue band. I happen to know that ginger hair is finer than dark-haired folks. So, I'm going to say that C is actually blue band's pub. I'm going to say that B, fuck. Yeah. I'm going to change my guess.

Okay. Now, hold on. I say... I'm going to go that Chris is the nasty here with the longie. And I'm going to say A is Josh Potter, only because... Now, I don't know if Chris has a girlfriend. I don't know. Mm-hmm.

I'm going to go on the assumption that Chris, if Chris does not have a girlfriend, his is B. And what if he does? Then he is A, and Josh is B. But I'm saying blue band is C. I have this. Go ahead. I thought blue band was C-L-L-Long.

I'm switching, though. I think Potter is A, and Chris is B. Yeah. So, now you're using... That's mine. I said that blue band was C. I said that first. Okay. And then I guessed that Potter was B, but now I think his Greek blood black asshole hair

is A. I think it's super dark and coarse. Interesting. I think it's super coarse looking hair. And I think that... That one strand looks like it's five times thicker than anything else on the paper. All right. So...

Which one, A? Yeah. Now, reveal the answer, please. All right. So, A is, in fact, Josh Potter. Yeah. I knew that dirt bag. I knew where I got it.

No. Where? Where? It was down deep. It was down deep. In your asshole? No. Taint area.

Oh, taint area. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. B is our very own Chris. Knew it. Knew it.

Yeah, I knew it. That really surprised me. Yes, Chris. Wow. That's a great... Congratulations, Chris. And then C, yes. Yeah.

Congratulations. We guessed. You guys crushed it. Wow. Pervolting. So, I guess that means... So, who's the winner of this contest? It's Chris.

It's Chris. And down. Congratulations, Chris. Wow, Chris. Good work. Chris, will you please trim a little bit? Oh, my God. I mean, it has a nice guard on it.

It really is effective. Maybe do it before and after for us. All right. Now that I'm going to throw up... Burn that paper. That paper is so gross. Can we... Jesus.

Those are savage. So, our guest, do you want to do it? Yeah, I feel queasy now, too. Well, actually, we're going to get into that segment we just did, but then our guest, which we actually introduced, I think. Yeah, we already did that. So, it's actually time just to say that not only did we have a new video of the Try It Out Guy today.

What else happened, Gene? Well, because of you, your mom's house listeners, because of you, the genes that investigate on the interwebs, you have found the Try It Out Guy. Therefore, we have found the Try It Out Guy, and this is a YMH exclusive. We're getting him on the phone right now. Right fucking now. This is a YMH exclusive. YMH exclusive.

YMH exclusive. Oh, my God. Well, this is unbelievable in a day that I can tell you we never thought would happen. This is something that it's beyond excitement. It is chips in a bowl. It's a cat eating kibble. It's explosions. It's all of those things.

We have the opportunity right now to actually talk to the Try It Out Guy. So I'm so nervous. We're both nervous. I really want to get this going. I don't know what's going to happen, but this is him. This is the Try It Out Guy. Hold on. What are we going to do?

Okay, here's the thing. His profile was discovered late last night at midnight, right? And then it makes, what time do you discover it? I actually, it was sent to me a couple days ago, and at the time, the top 10 posts were not him. They were just screen grabs of things, and I was like, oh, and then it was sent again, and I saw that it was him, and I was like, and I saw that he's posting videos and giving out his address and everything, and I was like, dude, he's like Potter.

I was like, you've got to get in touch with him, and then he did, and he's expecting our call. I'm so excited. I don't even, I don't even know if I can talk to him. I'm so excited. I think you're going to have to take the lead, because clearly he's in the guys. I don't want to lead you. He's not into women.

I'm ready to do this. Okay, okay. Ready? All right. I'm so nervous. Let's see what happens. Please answer. Oh my God.

Please answer. Hello? Hey, Robert? Yeah. Hey, how's it going, man? This is Tom. I'm here with Christina. We're so excited to speak with you.

Thanks for jumping on the phone, man. I'm doing okay. Oh, good. Hi, Robert. We're such big fans. Thank you for taking time out of your day. Okay. So here's what I was going to say, man.

I mean, first of all, I love your Instagram account, and I love that you are direct with what you want and what you like. I think a lot of people out there, you know, kind of beat around the bush, but you, you go, you put the message exactly out what you want. And so I think it should be celebrated that you're doing that. Well, that's what I like to do, and I always, always thought that'd be honest. Yeah. That's great, man.

So here's what I wanted to ask, man. You know, you put out these messages, and you're pretty clear that, you know, you like black and Latino guys. How is the, how's Instagram working for you as far as getting a response? Are you getting the response that you want from it? Sometimes. Sometimes. Now, does it, do most people like respond by commenting or do they, do they respond by

direct message? Direct. Direct. And how does that work? So the, some guy goes, I'm a hot black guy, and then how does the exchange start? I give, well, we talk, and then I greet, I come over here for a drink, and I just test them out to see what they like. Nice.

And they come out like you, you ask them like, hey, are you into this or are you into that, or how does it go down? Well, no, I haven't come over, I have, and then we, we have a drink or two, I had to see if, see how they really are, if they weren't comfortable, but I know they're not my type. Oh, gotcha. See, you have a good system, man. You have a good system. Now, this, you're not into white guys, right?

Well, I can. You can. But I mean, it should be kind of like an aggressive guy, I'm guessing, right? Yes. Now, one of the things that kind of stands out in those videos is you're pretty bold in that you are open to men from jail, ex-convicts and stuff. Do you ever, I was thinking that maybe you would get fearful in a way of somebody like that.

Do you fear them at all? I don't fear people. But even if they're like a convicted felon, you're not worried at all? I don't think everyone. I think people go to jail, just get the wrong term. I don't think they're, I think if you're good in them, you could probably get the good of them. Okay.

Yeah, all right. I like that. Well, that's true, because we've had friends that have actually been in jail and are very nice people. That's true. And they've changed their lives. And you've also offered people a lease and a key. Have you done that recently?

I did one person, but they didn't work out, but they gave it back. But this person, they're sad dressing up or wore a male, but they dressed as a drag queen and I couldn't have him in a house. Oh, because you don't, because you're not attracted to drag queen? No, I was just too much gossiping and I didn't want to hear she, she jokes and I said I had to move. Yeah. It's not your thing, huh?

So, but they come over and it's just, it's just, you know, free food, free rent, right? I have, I keep a lot of food, I buy liquor in the house, I fix the place up beautiful and I want to be alone. Yeah. Yeah. That's great, man. Now, do you invite any type of aggression? Like I feel like I've seen a video where maybe, you know, you're incurred, like someone

can piss on you and beat you. Is that all right to do if you like them? If I like them, I know what else is all right, but if I know, if I know when we get along, it's okay. I don't get around like bruise, bruise, you know? Oh, okay. So they're not supposed to just beat the shit out of you though, it's just like a little smackin' around.

Yeah. I got you. Okay. That's good and clear now. I'm glad that we made that clear. Now, is the invite open to how you on out? Like is that what you want to happen? Yeah, I keep an invite, people want to come after they call and I talk on the phone and

I talk to them and I get a little read out on them, yeah, now I can come over. Do you tell them that you're home here now? Yeah. You do? Of course. So can you say I'm home here now? I'm home here right now. All right.

That's great. Now, I gotta tell you, we have a pretty big reach and I want to know, do you want us to give out your Instagram handle because if we do, if you want that to happen, we will, but I want you to know that if we do that, you'll gain a lot of followers and get a lot of messages and I just want to make sure that would be something you want. That's no problem. Okay. And you know, just so you know, I mean, if you do that, a lot of people will have your

phone number because you post it in your address and I just want to make sure you're comfortable with that. I have Facebook, so Facebook is so slow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, Instagram is the way to go. So let's, let's see this. I think our guy here can pull up your Instagram account. Do you know your own handle well on Instagram?

Yeah, I know it. It's Robert Paul Champagne. Is that correct? Right. Okay. But the handle is actually Robert Paul. Well, yeah, P L. Yeah, Robert Paltz.

P-A-U-L-C-H. And yeah, you have a lot of great artwork on there, beautiful men, a lot of different posed men with amazing bodies and physiques. And then there's some of your stuff in there. You're wearing different hats and masks. I really like your page. Well, Jeremy, I could be sexy, but I also, when it comes to summertime, I go to Coney Island.

I perform my karaoke. That's what it is, because you said, I'll see you guys at Coney Island performing. And I was wondering, so you perform karaoke for people. Is that what you're saying? You're saying, and like, I do Humphrey thing, Tom Jones, all these people, I generally like for gifts, gifts to the people, I know. And then if I, if I have a good day, and I know, I know a lot of people like Coney Island. I can't like toys for the kids if you can't get a lot of money.

So the parents don't feel so bad, you know? Oh, that's nice. Yeah. Can you look at, can you sing like a like one line? Not right now. Not right now. He needs music. Well, yeah, I'm just just saying that right now. We're good.

OK. So you're you're a New York guy. Do you do you frequent any area of New York or you just like people to come over? I have people come all the way up. I don't go to the village because it's not my scene, the water village. I kept bored of it. Really? Yeah. So now it's basically putting out these posts and kind of seeing.

So you're kind of you, you've evolved into the digital era, basically. You're doing what's the modern thing now. Yeah. Yeah. That's fun. It's fun to try it out, you know? It is fun to try it out. The thing is, our show, like Tom said, has a huge reach and a huge following. And if you're looking for black guys who want to do it, you're going to find it on our show.

Oh, they're going to hit you up. I mean, guys who like to fuck and fuck good are going to hit you up directly. Would you? I was going to. Now is your opportunity. If you wanted to put it out there, why don't you tell our listeners what exactly it is you're looking for? That's a great idea.

Just give us your message. Well, looking for our black men who are aggressive, they're not shy. They're not they're not in sentiment. They are they could small, they could drink, they could be themselves. They're fun to be with. They're sexy. Oh, they're erotic.

They're combination of charms, but I can both see. But then again, I like to watch it when I come home because I'm a control person. When I come home, I want them to control because when it goes on control, you know, what kind of work are you into? Like, what's the field? What do I do? I design things. Really?

I design like costumes. Oh, you're creative, creative. You're a creative guy. So now with these guys, you know, black guys and some of these Latino guys, what's like the ideal piece of equipment you're looking for on a guy? Because I feel like you've probably experienced some different things. What kind of size do you like? So I like to like built, I think I'll go to a gym or possible.

I think it's a shape. Yes. Yes. You like a good body. If I go out, if I go out with them, if I do go to those, but then we're going, I want some of the location, I want them to be a little envy or something like that. And it's OK, you know? Yes, it's like putting on a nice piece of jewelry. You want people to look and be like, that's nice.

Yeah. Yeah. Swag man right here. So you want like a, but you want a pretty a pretty aggressive top is what you're looking for, though. Yeah. OK. Because he's a power player by day. And I think at night, right? Is that kind of it? Like a night you want to be you want to take care? So during the day, I have I'm more of a control when I come home at night,

I want them to have control. I'm tired of me being only the one making the thing to come home. You know, I'm tired of it. And how do you feel about drugs? Are you open to people using them or do you have a strict policy? No, it's safe. If they take drugs, OK, but I don't take drugs that badly to them. I don't take drugs.

But you will drink, right? You'll have a drink. I don't have drinks in the house. Should I have all kind of liquor in the house? I smoke cigars and everything. Nice. They thought they could do it if they want to do some stuff they can. OK.

Yeah, that's that's good to know, man. That's that's good that you're open to to whatever. Yeah, these guys can hold you on out if they want to. But like with you keep saying that phrase. Have you ever heard that phrase? How homey on out, homey on out? No, no. No, yeah, that makes sense.

I understand that. How did you get into, by the way, because I love talking kinks and everything with people, how did you get into the piss pissing? How did I get into it? Yeah, I was. I was about 20. I was taken to a leather bar and because I didn't care for the drink. Well, I went to Mr.

M. Bar and I got into it and I'm seeing and I got a little more into that. Nice. And then it evolved there. Yeah, we had it there at that time. We it wasn't like sense of that. Now that I think so, sent it. Now we have a little more freedom. Yeah, I agree.

I feel like people are a little more, you know, uptight nowadays, huh? A lot, a lot more. So we're letting people know the page. They can they can go and they can it's OK. You're you're saying go ahead and follow me, Robert P. A. U. L. C. H. on Instagram. Robert Paul Champagne and you're saying it's OK for them to send you messages

and you're you're open to it, right? I'm open to it, I can say. Because I have Facebook. I put in the Facebook. So Facebook is getting slower, but so much of Facebook is slow. Yes, Instagram is way better. I totally agree with you on that. And hopefully these guys that reach out are

it's really going to pick up for you just so you know. You're going to get a lot of messages and I hope you enjoy it. We're big fans, man. So thank you so much. Thank you, Robert and doing this call. And you put the call out there and you're going to get a lot of responses. And I hope you find what you're looking for. I think you are.

There'll be a lot of black guys and Latino guys that that that fuck good that are going to want to take you up on the offer. OK. All right. Well, thanks so much, man. I hope we can talk again soon. OK, have a nice day. OK, thank you, Robert. Take care.

Oh, my God, I'm sweating. That was so exciting. That was the best day of my life. We did it. We did it. And we got to find out key pieces of information. It is not homey on now. It is not homey on. It is exactly what I fucking thought it was from day one.

It is fucking home here now. It's home here now. It's home here now. It's home here now. Confirm confirmed from the source. Oh, my God. This is major news. I'm shitting my goddamn pants right now.

That was so exciting. Oh, my God. Homey on now. I'm home here now. Of course. Of course, it's home here now. Here's a deal, man. So the difference was that he was really fired up

in the original. Yeah. So he must have now I asked him about drugs because I wanted to know if he was right. Member Dr. Drew was like, I can smell the meth from here. Now, who knows? Most people are not forthcoming. Right.

They're not going to be like I was really loving meth back then. Yeah. But he wants, by the way, he is not shy at all about what he wants. He wants you to piss on him and beat him. It's nice to know that he wants a little playful beating. He doesn't want you to fucking knock him out.

He just wants a little rough housing. And he wants you to be an aggressive top with him. And I did find it interesting, too, that his perspective about men out of jail. I mean, look, we've had a few guests of our own that have been in prison in jail. And they're not these demons. Well, that was actually a very evolved answer on his part.

He's like, oh, you find the good in people. It's still, I gotta tell you, it's still a pretty dicey thing to put out there. Like, are you fresh out of jail? Why don't you come over to my house? You mean you wouldn't want to lead? I mean, with that is the maybe not the profile. Piss on me.

Beat me. So he's beat me within the context of S&M. Smack me around a little. But don't fucking crack my ribs. Right. But I think we had interpreted as piss on me, abuse this shit out of me. I thought he was like, put me in a coma.

Are you a convict? Yeah, I thought he wanted somebody to savagely harm him. So I'm relieved to hear it's just sexual. It's kind of logical for your mind to go there. I mean, the video is still one of the most outrageous things I have ever seen. I never thought this guy. He's the sweetest.

Was just gone, you know, out in the universe somewhere. Never, ever, ever be in touch with the try it out guy. But due to the magic of the mommies, this is because of you guys. This is because of your. I don't know how you did it. I really don't know. Your vigilance.

I gotta tell you too, when I got that. I can't believe we found it. I got this message like a few days ago. Hey, found the try it out guy. And I see like some of his, you know, has pictures of like just random men. I was like, oh, this is just someone's joke. I didn't go, I'm going to research this.

And then it came in again. So crazy. With a clear picture of him. And I was like, my heart stopped. I was like, try it out guys. And you know what I, what I realized this morning is that we haven't even come up with a name for him. Like Terry is Uncle Terry.

Yeah, yeah. You know, we always had these names. Like the try it out guy was so out there that we didn't even think of a name for that guy. It's outrageous. This dude's fucking phone is going to shut down. He has no idea. He has no idea.

No idea. He's going to get like eight more messages. It's just going to be nonstop blowing up. Dude, everything he posts is going to have like hundreds of comments. He's going to be like, oh no. These guys do want me to fucking piss on them. All right, man.

All right. Well, let's, well then let's set some parameters for the mommies. Well, look, if people are going to do what they want, I would say this, you know, there's a lot of good people that listen to this show that do things in the spirit of what it's intended to be. Yeah.

Which is like, it's comedy, it's jokes, it's fun. I would encourage you to not mislead him or be malicious towards him. Yeah, serious and quarries only guys. I would say if you're trying to fuck and you really are trying to fuck. Yeah. Hit him up, compliment him in his posts.

Yeah, please don't, you guys, use your common sense. Be nice, be kind. This man has been, he's given us so much joy, so many people joy. It'd be cool if like, if he posts a picture and you know, you're thinking to comment, it'd be like, you know, you look dope dude, like this, I hope you do find a homeless convict

to move in, something like that, you know, like have- Be nice. Be nice though, but don't- Don't ruin it for us because, you know, he's sweet. It not only has you provided us with countless hours of entertainment, but he was so gracious on the phone. Yeah.

I mean, you know, just be cool to a man. Try to be respectful guys, don't be jealous. There's gonna be always a few jerks out there, but I'm saying like, don't try to fuck with him, you know? Yeah, he's sweet. He is, he's very nice. God, that was like, I mean- Why don't we just retire?

I know. Let's just end the show forever. You know, and like, I've seen Tom Cruise in public, I've seen Gwen Stefani, I've seen, I've met celebrities, Kim Deal, nothing compares to talking to the Try It Out guy. I did press for Instant Family last year, and they were like, I forget who it was,

was like, if you could meet anybody, who would it be? And I was like, the Try It Out guy? And of course, it was one of those things where the interviewer was like, I'm sorry, who? And I was like, just this awesome guy on the internet, we can't find him. Can't find him, but we did.

And they were like, okay, and I cannot believe that it actually happened today. I can't believe it. I feel connected to the world. I feel connected to the mommies who listen to this show. I feel like- I can't believe we're actually holding this- Oh, it's so special.

For a few weeks, like from when it's reported to when it comes out. I know. Just because of the nature of how this, we've had to bank things. Well, oh man. But when you hear this, it's already been a week or two.

Two. Oh my God, yeah, it's unbelievable. I mean, I wish this were streaming live right now. I know, I wanna put this out right now, right now, right now. God damn it. Now the only other- Just something deep in your home, you know.

The only other YMH celebrity that has refused to come on the show or even really acknowledged us is King Asher. Uncle Terry would be great, by the way. I don't know, what do you- I would love to talk to him. I think he's a cool guy. And I think he's the president of the Cool Guy Club.

But I think that- CEO and founder. Yeah, what's his name? You don't think Robert's the founder of the Cool Guy Club? Well, maybe, but Pete, Uncle Pete, AKA Terry, can really, I mean, he puts up videos all the time. He's a natural in front of the camera.

He articulates well. I think he'd be great. I mean, King Asher is the, what is that? It's almost like Bigfoot, you know? Like I've seen photos and videos, but yeah, yeah, yeah. Terry is, yeah, he's more accessible. King Asher is just a mystery. And I feel like we'll never really know what's going on.

Terry is unboxed therapy for porn. Yeah. But King Asher, you're right. Look, you guys don't know. I mean, it's different now. Maybe if somebody made the effort now to get him, we tracked down that he was in Michigan. You know, he shifted though.

He shifted from his fart stuff to gluttony stuff. Right, his art has changed. So now he weighs, he's got to weigh a fucking hundred pounds more than he did at the start, which by the way, you look great, man. I'm not saying anything, but he never responded. He shifted gears in terms of what he does. He gave us a wink.

He did give us a shout out. He gave us a wink in that he posted a video and in the description it said, this is dedicated to your mom's house podcast. And that was like, I think his way of being like, I see you, I acknowledge you, but I'm not, I'm not gonna do what you think I'm gonna do. Well, it's upsetting because so many of us adore him,

adore his work, much like you, the try it out guy, AKA now who has a name, Robert Paul Champagne. I mean, I can't believe I'm saying his name. You know what I mean? This is just, this is such a special day for the momys. Such a special day. It's amazing. It really is amazing.

Mommy power, guys, this just goes to show the mommy power out there. I just don't know what else to do with my life. I know, I know, I know, it's huge. I don't know what else to do with my life. It's huge, we just got, we caught Bigfoot. I understand what it is now to win an Olympic gold medal or be like, I'm at the top,

I'm at the summit of Mount Everest. They know. And then people are like, I was thinking about this for years. I know. And then they go, what are you gonna do now? And you're like, I don't know. I need to reevaluate my whole life right now.

I know. I know. How do you move on? I'm wearing, I have 10 championship rings. I know. When I start putting them on my toes, like. I have to tell you the level of excitement I felt this morning.

We woke up at six or eight this morning with our children. And that was the most exciting, is finding this guy's account, looking through his stuff. It was like Christmas. And there was also the moment where I looked at this picture and I was like, this kind of looks like the try it out guy. You know, like, I was like, this kind of looks. And then I scrolled and I was like, no.

No, and my heart started racing. It was like a detective. Like he's been doing a case for a couple years. And then they're like, we're just gonna see if this is a DNA match detective. And then the guy called you, he's like, it's a match. You're like, what? And they're like, and we have his address.

It's 2395. We know exactly where he's at. Holy shit, man. It was that level. It was really amazing. Oh my gosh. It's weird because you'll notice on his profile, there's well lit photographs.

And then poorly, and he lays in the same spot as the try it out video still. He still lays on that couch. He loves that area. Is there a nice place? And how come I love it, man? And then he still has, he posts photographs of himself in the black dark, in the so dark.

You can't even see him. And he's an attractive guy. Yeah, no, he's doing this thing. He'll be surprised when you see his face. Actually, he's a good looking guy. Yeah. That video doesn't do him justice. He's much better looking.

I think he was kind of tired in that video. You think so? In the original. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he looked a little tired. Yeah. Yeah.

Could've been. Cool guy club. Yeah, chairman and CEO. Founder. Yeah, yeah. Yep, I don't know where to go from here. I don't know. We got a guest.

Who's our guest on this one? Scott Thompson. Oh, my God. My favorite. Kids in the hall, Scott Thompson. Powerful episode. You'll see in this episode, Mommy Sea Freaks out, because I grew up adoring Scott Thompson.

It's true. Although you do obviously love him as well. Yeah, he's great. I would say he is. We had quite a chat with him. A little partial to you. He let us know a couple things. But he was a great guest.

And really, I mean, things got interesting. Some points were serious. But it was all actually, he was really funny, too. Really great. And if you're in Los Angeles, he's performing his live show every Tuesday night at the Virgil here in Los Feliz. So get tickets to that. I should plug it now before.

Yeah, before it comes on in. All right. Well, I just, I need a moment. I need a moment, too. So let's enjoy Scott Thompson. Thank you, Robert. Wonderful. Try it out, guy.

And enjoy this episode. Jesus Christ. Your mom's house will be right back. All right, here with us today, I'm so excited is the fantastic Scott Thompson. Clap for him. Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Oh, I can clap him. That's me. Clap for yourself. And I just have to say, we've had so many celebrities come in here. Have you? I am so excited for you to be here. I can feel it.

I can feel their aura everywhere. Oh, this is a very fabulous place. But I think everybody knows you from Kids in the Hall. Yeah, probably. Obviously. And I just have to say, you are one of the earliest comedic influences. Because I got Kids in the Hall in sophomore year of high school.

And I was a goff. And I was weird. Good. That's right. That's our target audience. And my friends and I found you. And it was like, it was just a miracle. Because sketch comedy before then felt kind of lame.

Like SNL, OK. But you guys were edgy. It's kind of lame again, isn't it? Yeah. But there's nothing. There seems to be no sketch comedy in American television right now. Yeah, that's pushing boundaries or really.

Yeah. And I don't even just sketch itself. I can't think of sketch shows. Well, SNL still. Oh, SNL, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's right.

That's still on. Still on. It's crazy that it's on. It's still crazy that it's on. You know what's really crazy? It's like, I always thought that everybody, at least like I say, if you grew up here, maybe in Canada too, you have your period that you watched it, right?

Yes. And then there's like real psychos. Like a guy who works here. Right, Josh. Right. Oh, I met Josh. Yeah. Josh Potter.

We're going to talk about him later. He has such a lovely poetic name. Yeah, it is lovely. He hasn't missed an episode. What's wrong with him? There's a lot wrong with him. We're going to get into that. You may have to help us.

Josh Potter has never missed an episode. Never missed an episode. I knew there was something wrong with him. And he's a real scumbag. So it's like it doesn't even fit the. You know, he thinks he's hiding it, but you can read it on his face, right? Yeah, totally.

I could smell it. Well, wait, let me finish gushing on Scott Thompson. So, okay, so there's kids in the hall, amazing. My mind is blown. All of a sudden comedy can be cool and edgy. And you guys are just, you're Canadian, so you're different and weird. And then there's Scott Thompson,

who's different than the rest, right? One of these kids is doing their own thing. Right. And it's because, look, I grew up in LA. I wasn't like a stranger to gay people or to cultural, whatever, but you were like. I was a freak. You were awesomely gay.

You were owning it. Yeah. No, there was no one. Like now everyone's. Oh, God, gays are so boring now. Yeah. But I was very lucky to be getting in in the very beginning when I could be alone.

And I'll be honest. I mean, I knew what I was doing was mental. That was crazy. Yeah, there's a lot of risk associated. It was terrifying. Was it terrifying? Oh, yeah. It's 92.

A gay man in the, well, when I met the kids in the hall was the 80s, which would have been 80s, and the 90s. Oh, my Lord, it was a terrible. I mean, I'm in a weird way. You know that Arab saying, may you be born in interesting times. I got cursed by that.

That's a curse and a blessing. And I was born into a basically a war. I was born into like the HIV war and a plague. And so I came out and within a year of me coming out and it took me a long time to come out, which probably saved my life. Everyone's dying. So when I was with the kids in the hall,

it was very much like there's nothing. I might not, I actually believe there's, I probably won't make it to being an older man. Like I won't make it into middle age. So I had nothing to lose. So I just went, I'm gonna jump off this cliff and see what happens. Now, what was the immediate like,

so like the group like as far as, like they know you're gay before you. Everyone knew I was gay. I was openly gay in comedy. I was the only person and it was, it was a freak show. People were just, it didn't make any sense. But were the guys also part, like no.

I'll be honest, it didn't, not overnight. No. No. No, at the beginning there was an enormous amount of pushback to like, you can hang with us, but like, could you knock it off? Well, could you stop acting so faggy or, you know. Oh, really? No, that's not true.

Because the truth is, the truth is I'm, I wouldn't say I'm butcher than they are, but I can take every one of them in a fight. You absolutely could. Because they know that I have gay rage. And you don't fuck with gay rage, especially if you're a gay man that was born in my era. So I think that's what they really respected.

Sure. And I, they were punks at heart. We're punks at heart. So they knew that what we were doing was completely against the status quo. So that, in that way, they were absolutely aboard. They knew that I was kind of like a secret weapon, like a bomb.

Right. And so that thrilled them. And that really pushed them into exploring their own sexuality and being women and, and yeah. Yeah, you guys, you guys were owning that. We did. Francesca. Yeah.

And it allowed them to access their feminine side. Sure. Because they're like going, you know, because I mean, in some ways, I mean, I'm, you know, like I would play a lot of the macho guys in this show because I studied men. I have to learn. I had to learn.

My generation had to learn how to pass. Right. So I had to learn how to be like a man. Like you don't have to nowadays. So it's a very different world and in comedy, but I did know I was savvy enough to know that what I was doing was, was new. And that, that thrilled me.

I thought no matter what happens, even if I'm not that good, I know I'll be first. And that was a thrill. That was a thrill. Yes. That really was, was a bomb for the pain. Do you know what I mean? BALab bomb.

It was definitely, it made it easier, you know, to, to know that, well, I'm first and I know that that's not easy, but I learned that, you know, I thought there'd be more money being first. Hey, but you know what? There's no money in it. But here's, here's what's, there might be, because here's what's really sure.

There might be now. There might be. And here's why. Not yet, but there might be. Here's why. I feel like you are one of your very, you should be more celebrated for your bravery and comedy. Because when you,

Well, I'm not going to say much about that, but because that's not, it would be very un-Canadian for me to agree with you. But you are a pioneer. You are a pioneer. You're going not. Yeah. The courage that it took to come out.

And not only that, now you can't even say the word, the F word. I can't say the word. You can to me. I don't care. I do. And I know that it makes people blanch. Well, let's talk about that because you,

But it did even in the early nineties, but you owned that word and you reclaimed that word. Yes, I did. Yeah. And now I look at it and I go, is it time for me to jettison it? And I don't know if I really can personally. Well, no, because it's your because you came up saying

that word. It is. It's the word that it didn't define me, but it's, I heard this stuff. Interesting story. My niece, who's a very, very progressive little girl. She's like 12 years old. She goes to like a really nice school,

like a Montessori kind of a school. Very, very wonderful parents who try to protect her from the world and blah, blah, blah. Anyways, recently, I don't know. I was telling a little story in the story that I said, Faggot and she just about collapsed and I went, what's wrong? And she goes, what, what, what, what is that?

She was just responding to the actual sound of it, the heart, the, the, the T and the G, the double G. And I went, well, Faggot is what you, you call a gay man. And I go, what, why would you use, what, I don't get it. She didn't understand. I said, well, it's what you, it's how gay men are abused and she didn't understand it. And she said to me, I've never heard the word before.

And I just had to slap her. I'm like, well, wake up. I feel like Sharon Moonstruck. Get used to it, whatever the hell she said. But she literally had no, no, and they were like, and their parents were like, don't, don't say it. And I'm like, look it. I'm the uncle that's going to introduce her

to the real world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the real world. I mean, if you're 12 and you're still never heard something like that. Isn't that something? Isn't that kind of like indicative of, of parenting today?

Of today. Yes, today's culture. It's like, I really do believe that every generation thinks they fixed it, but they haven't. They just, they're just doing it wrong in a different way. And I think that the new overprotection is in many ways the new abuse. I agree.

Because I think it is abusive to not prepare your children for the world. You're totally right about that. And, and one of the, the big groups that does that, like probably the most is just academia. Oh, the world. The more education, the worse parenting. Yeah.

You really need, that sweet spot is like working class, just before, that's a sweet spot for parenting. I say it's the 80s mom. That's kind of what I'm adopting. Cause some of that wasn't horrible. Do you guys have kids? Yeah, we do. Oh, and how are you raising them?

Like, like, like orcas? I'm like, you faggots every morning. You're little girls. So, I hope you call your little boy a little dyke. What are you doing in the overalls? Wait, but you're, did you just gender our children? Oh, fuck. Don't you dare gender them.

Let them pick their own children. That's a good look with that. Good luck with that. We watch this, we always talk about gender. Oh, we love gender stuff. And in Sweden, there, right? Wasn't in Sweden. It is in Sweden.

It's out of control. It is, it is. And so this, this guy is like, has his child. And then in the mornings, getting the child dressed or school goes like, what gender are you today? What do you feel like you are? And you can see, the kid's three. Okay, it's a little, it's a little girl, okay?

And the little girl's like, you can see that she's like, I'm a girl? Yeah. And he's like, all right. I mean, today, that's fine. And of course, like, how can she even process what the question means, you know? It's like, she wants you to tell her.

Of course she does. You're, you have an identity. That's abuse. Yeah, I think it is. I think it is abuse, actually. Leave him alone. Let him figure it out. And you know, I'm, I think we've gone a little mad.

Yes. I really do think we've gone a little mad. That's why it works, right? It goes one way. So it was like this really, everything was swinging, you know, culturally one way. And, and then you try to compensate, but you overcompensate.

Oh my God. Yeah, the pendulum's gone. And this, I really think that the pendulum has gone further than I ever thought it would go. Really. Why, why do you think this has happened? Oh, I think social media is a big part of it. Is it like a magnifying glass?

That's something brand new that we've never really known how to deal with. I think you have the, the, the lax parenting of today, which has made children think that they, everything they utter or think is phenomenal and must be heard. That's dangerous. Super dangerous.

And I also think that this is a, this isn't one of my, this might be a controversial idea. I think the loss of so many gay men really hurt the gay and lesbian. Well, I don't, I can't even say LGBT cause it makes me ill to say it. I think it's the stupidest acronym ever. Really?

Oh, I won't. Why is that? Let's talk about it. Cause you know why? Cause it takes sex out of it. It denatures it all. It's a LGBT, that could be anything. That sounds like the PTA.

That takes out cocksucking and, and muff diving. And those are the two things we need to, and sodomizing. And without those three pillars, it collapses. Yeah. And it, and it, and I think it's, I really think it's a subconscious reaction from society towards the HIV epidemic. That this, we've taken it in kind of subconsciously,

almost narrowly that, that the sex is what killed gay men, this plague. And so we've kind of, we've desexed everything. And I think it's also what's driving the new puritanism. You know, I mean, there's many things driving the new puritanism, the Me Too movement and this sort of thing. And they're all, they all like, like, like,

they all are, have good intentions. But as we all know, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Yeah, yeah. And I, and I do think that's, that's part of the reason for that. Yeah. Let's talk about this, the AIDS epidemic for a minute, because.

Yeah. Cause I think that's something I need to really. It's a huge deal. I don't, I mean, I don't think, I know that people really have no concept of how terrible it was. Yeah. I think there's, I think the gay community wants to, wants to kind of move past it.

They're, they're, they're afraid to confront it. It's too painful. So many of my generation are lost and the ones that have survived are mad as hatters. Really? I think we have, I think we, I've, I've, I've realized at my age now that most men in my generation or I'll have PTSD and, and really have not,

and really have not recovered. Pros, because of living through that. Yes. Well, you see your friends dying. Your lovers dying. We've just never recovered. But if you were really in, in that world, like you were. Yes, like I was.

It was like, almost like a war zone. It was a war embedded in, you were like in a war that was embedded into a society at peace. And, and people would come in and out of that from the outside, they come in and see our world and they'd be like freaked out. And I really believe that we, we do not want to confront it.

Cause we've made so much progress. And I think straight people don't want to confront it because they don't want to see how badly they behaved. Right. Cause there was so much hysteria. They do not want to confront how terrible they were to us. Yeah. And I think that we're also living in a very, I call this the punishment era.

And I can understand straight people being afraid. I can understand white people being afraid of being, we're in a world where white people are, can't do anything right. Straight people can't do anything right. Man can't do it. Forget it. He's out.

Straight white guy like this, this bearded. Dead. Acronism I'm staring at over this giant male desk is, you know, no one wants to hear about it. And I feel like I've got, I've got empathy. So I'm very attuned to bullying. And so when I don't care who does it or what your excuse for it is, I don't like it.

Yeah. But that's where I think we're at right now. And the AIDS epidemic, I think we have to, we have to confront what happened. When you, when you think back to that era, cause like now it's different because we have, the knowledge is accessible, is accessible, you know? But like when you look back, cause I remember, you know,

being a kid and then just being like, you know, you could get AIDS by just, if someone coughs, you know? That's before they knew how you could get AIDS. But I'm saying when you were in living through that and people are dying, would you sometimes just go like, you know, I might get it. Sometimes every single day of my life. You did, yeah.

Every single day for almost 20 years. That's pretty traumatizing. I thought about AIDS every single moment, every single sexual encounter, every cold, every cough, everything was AIDS, everything. So I'm a young man who grew up thinking that I was garbage. And then when I finally had the courage to go, well, maybe I'm not garbage.

I come out into a world where it seems to be saying, yes, you are garbage. So it's there. And I don't think I'll ever get over it. I don't think I'll ever be fully whole. It's okay. I mean, yeah, I accept it. I accept the world that I lived in.

You know, sometimes it hurts, it upsets me. But I go, well, you know, at least I did the right thing. Like at least I was out there. Like I was a warrior. I went, okay. You did the exact right thing. I'm gonna go through that door first and regardless of the consequences, I'm doing it.

So you- Cause it's the right thing. As you said, a gay man of your age too, cause you guys had it so much harder. You had to open all the doors now. Yes. That these boys can grow- No, and they have no idea who I am.

Which is crazy. They have no, the gay community has completely written me out of history. What? Why? Because I'm too painful of a reminder. Really? I think.

No, I have no, I have, my audiences are usually straight people. I've never, I don't even like to talk about this cause it makes me upset. And it makes me, it kind of opens my bitter boxes. Which I've- I love it, let's go there. Yeah, I've been-

Bring it here. I'm trying very, I'm trying very hard to let go of all of it. Cause I know it won't help me. As a comedian, you have to have maybe a certain amount of anger. But when it curdles, you've got to let go of it. You can, it'll curdle you.

And it took me a very long time to understand why it happened. Why I was not talked about. Why no one paid me any attention. And I just think gay men really, really hate themselves. And I think this new generation is gonna be a vastly, vastly different generation. It is, for sure.

Yes, and I mean, and I'm very happy for them. But I'll be honest, I'm also intensely jealous. Oh, I would be, I'd be furious. And what makes my jealousy so toxic is that no one knows that I was one of the first people to do it. That broke, it broke my heart. Yeah.

It absolutely broke my heart. Well, you think about now, like if somebody was like, even in like smaller cultures, I'm saying within the US, somebody says they're gay and somebody is not accepting to that person. Now the person who is not accepting is attacked. Absolutely.

Right, like that's how, which is a great shift. Yes, that's a huge shift. But that's nothing like what it was. No, no, no. When I was coming of age, when I was, we were in the kids in the hall. It was very much that- What was it like in Canada?

Cause we always think in Canada. It was very much the same. It was? People think, people, you guys have a kind of a, you see Canada through rose-colored glasses. Yeah, we do. Totally. You do, you really don't, it's not what you think.

Especially Windsor. Especially Windsor. And you were from Brampton? Brampton, isn't that where Russell Peters is from? Yes, Russell went to one high school, I went to the other. Yeah. But you know, but Canada was very, very much the same

as the States was. Definitely, we definitely aren't as macho as you are. Like I think of countries as basically human beings and I think of Canada. Like this country is a straight male. Straight white male. Totally. Right?

Canada is a lesbian. Yeah. It's a lesbian. It's all about communication. I love it. Listening and what do you think? And that's very similar. I love it.

And Russia's like a serial killer. Russia's a serial killer. Oh, absolutely. This is the sociopath guy on the ball team. Yes, drunk and really drunk. Frappoy, yeah. Which makes us hot. Yeah.

You're like, I mean, I gotta be honest. I keep politics out of the groin. So I find that extremely attractive. Cause I still like men and I love them the more toxic, the better. Is that right? You like them. I love men.

Complicated though. I like, yeah, I love complicated men. I love macho. I love men. Did you ever? Yeah, I'd love men, yeah. Did you ever worry about towels? What do you mean towels?

Like towels could have AIDS. So who said that? That's Pat Robertson from the 700 Club, the preacher. That is. And by the way, I thought that was Joe Rogan actually. No, no. That's not 20 years ago. That's like four years ago.

Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah, this is. This person says, I'm planning to go on a mission trip to Kenya in December. I believe that God heals today and I'm not consumed about the chance of contracting Ebola.

I'm also a person who's willing to take practical precautions. Do you think there are undue risks that we do not know about and the dangers are higher than perceived here in America? Not in Kenya. You might get AIDS in Kenya.

If people have AIDS, you gotta be careful. I mean, the towels could have AIDS. Oh, there you go. Towel-y might have AIDS. Towel-y. What's up? I think towel-y. I mean, he's always putting a loving message out there.

Always. Or that bath mat in Big Mouth probably has AIDS. Have you ever watched Big Mouth? No. God, it's funny. It's hilarious. The one kid's always fucking his bath mat or pillow or something.

It's just this semen-soaked pillow. Oh, I was gonna come on your pillow. Yeah, we just talked about that this morning. When she was out, I thought it'd be funny that she comes home, lays her head down. It would be funny. I would, I wouldn't mind that. I would love.

You wouldn't mind that? No, I think that would be real. A comp-soaked pillow? By surprise? It would be really hot. And I don't want him to ask or anything. I just want him to do it. Wait.

Why can't you change your perspective? No, here's the thing, though, because I like penises. I like balls. I'm not so keen on his butthole. But comp is not my favorite. Well, here's the thing. For a man like me that has been denied comp

for his entire sexual life. There you go. I have fetishized it. Right. So, I mean, I didn't, I never, it's only very recently that I know that I can take it in me. And even though I'm not, like, I mean, you know.

Take it in me. Swallowing me. But I still can't. Psychologically. I don't like to. I don't like to taste. No, I can't. Because of psychologically.

I'm psychologically incapable. Traumatized. Traumatized. And like, you know, look, I don't think I could hold hands with a man in public still. Really? No.

I know that's a sad thing to admit. It's sad. And I am sad to even say it, even saying it makes me feel like, wow, that's tragic. But I don't know if I could. And I know that people say, oh, everyone's on prep

and you can't get AIDS that way. I'm going, well, I just, you can't, I can't get over it. It's there. It's deep in you. It's very, very deep. And, you know, the fact that I'm like here and I'm my age and I'm HIV negative

is the greatest thing I've ever done. Amazing. It is my biggest victory. That's great. Okay. Because I had a lot of sex. Good for you. Because I did not stop having sex.

Well, that's good. Would you encourage her to get like a little butt play with me? Oh, totally. I'm so afraid of it. Why are you so afraid? Here's the deal. Is he willing to have his explored?

That's what I'm asking for. I'm afraid of his butt. You want to be pegged. I mean, I would put a couple of fingers in there. But I'm afraid of it because I'll tell you, it's very hairy. It's very hot. I've grazed it.

Man, it sounds fantastic. It sounds fetid. It's like, I'm just not, but I'm not used to that. But don't you understand that men are the ones with the button up there, right? Right, yes. God wouldn't have put it there

if she didn't want us to press it. She, I like that. Right? God knows that. And she wants them to. There's a reason for the gay male to have that up there. Right, right. The male.

And the gay, I do a routine about this. And I'm going to be very blunt about this. This is the stuff I've written, but I'm not like one of the, I'm just going to, I'm not going to pretend I just came up with it. But it's like, I always tell straight men, you know, like think of the ass is the moon, right?

Think of gay men as the Americans. Yes, we may have been the first there, but it belongs to everyone. And so for a man, gay or straight, to deny himself the pleasure of a clitoris embedded inside of his anus is just an example of deep homophobia. And maybe homophobia on your part. Thank you.

Because women are absolutely capable of homophobia. Yes, they are. I'm going to go even further. Thank you. I'm going to, I'm going to actually give a shout out to Tom here right now. I think the new homophobia is actually the main drivers are women.

Really? It's a different kind. I think straight men are less afraid of us today than you are. What I embrace, I love. Yes, but you're afraid of our sexuality. You like our design ability. You like our, you like our drag shows.

What am I afraid of? But you're afraid of the, the fucking. Butt sex. I'm afraid of butt sex. You're right. But I've talked to my gay man friends about it and they're like, I only have that much butt sex. It's mostly oral.

Well, that's, that's then they're not doing it right. Okay. But how do I put my, I put my fingers up his butt? Is that what I'm supposed to do? He could take care of things too. Like all I'm saying is, you know, he could give himself a little douche to make sure things are clean.

Will you douche your butt? Sure, sure, sure. You shave your butt? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course he would do that. Just like the gays. And here's the thing. I'm afraid to get poop on my fingers.

Well, you know what? It's sex, for God's sake. It's dirty sometimes. It's dirty sometimes. And I think that, you know, like, if you feel like I can help out, if you want. Do you want to coach us? Okay.

I'm gonna, you want, I'll do it. Okay. You can direct because we need more women directors. Okay, okay. That's right. That's true. But I think that if tonight, if Tom doesn't get pegged by you,

then this podcast has been a failure. Wow. Can we at least start with a finger? I'm afraid, I'm honestly afraid. I'm afraid of poop on my fingers. I am. I'm not gonna lie. I'm afraid of, look, he takes nasty dumps too, Scott.

You don't know. Of course he does. Look at him. I know. And that doesn't, that doesn't scare you when you see a bear. Are you into bears? Yes.

Okay. Yes. I do. Tom's a very attractive man. I know, he's cute. You're both, you're very attractive. Thank you. Thank you.

You really are. I appreciate that. Thank you. You're very hot. Thank you. And people don't say that much anymore. No. But I'm just saying, you're both hot.

Thank you. Thank you. And I'm glad that you appreciate that. I'm afraid to tell people that they're hot. Dude, do you know how nice that is? I know that chicks get it all the time. But when you're a guy, it's like, yes. People are always telling women that they're attractive.

And then you're a guy, you wouldn't hear it too. But a man who's not homophobic doesn't mind, he doesn't care where it comes from. No. No. Right. And I'm telling you, just how about just like the tip, like the fingertip.

How should I start? How should I start? Because I can't go from junior varsity to pegging. And you're not gonna, you're probably not ready to rim. I'm sorry? That's put my mouth on his bum all. Yeah, yeah. No.

Oh, poor Tom. Poor Tom. I believe, you know. No. Maybe you're right. I mean, I'm not afraid of gays, but I'm afraid of gay sex. See?

There you go. There we go. But I'm not afraid of gays. That says it. But no, but you are. I'm afraid of gay man sex. But without gay sex, there are no gays. Interesting point.

All we are are a queer eye for the straight guy. And that's, what is that? But I don't mind if you guys do it. I don't mind if you guys do butt things. But you deep down, I think you do. I'm afraid of it. I don't hate it. Fear is different than hate.

Fear and hate are cousins. Why, but I fear. I'm more vulnerable. Well, I know, but you're kind of denying him sexual agency. Okay, okay, okay. So you think I should put my mouth on his b-hole? Oh God. Here's the thing.

I was such a dirty boy. I did that before I even sucked cock. Can you believe it? Are you serious? Whoa, really? My friends used to call me the rimsis. And I was deeply ashamed. That was, that's ashamed.

And then I, now I look at them in the world, I go, oh, apparently I was way ahead of the curve. Yes. You know. Gosh, you were, you were varsity already. I really was. You went from. Cause I, my belief was sex is I'm just like,

when I finally decided to come out, I'm like, well, even just being a garden variety cocksucker, I'm still a criminal. I'm still a monster. See, I might as well go for it. Right. Cause a gay man, if you don't explore, I do the other thing in my show

where I talk about threesomes and this young gay guy tells me that he never had a threesome. And I don't even know where to look. Cause you're like, what do you, how do you even deal with that kind of threesomeness? And I, I think I might have cried. Yeah.

Cause I'm like, you're 24, you've never had a threesome. What is wrong with you? Like, are you really sure you're gay? How old were you for your first threesome? Oh God, this is the thing. This is, I don't want you to make, you feel too bad. My first threesome probably, I was certainly under 30, 27, 26.

But I didn't come out till I was 24. I had a threesome before TV. Okay. Yeah, absolutely. And there's the thing I said to this, this young gay guy, I was like, you never had a threesome. I hope you don't have any, do you have any straight male friends?

He's like, yeah, I go, well, don't tell them that. Cause that's just like rubbing salt in the wound. Can you imagine hearing from a guy that you can have threesomes whenever you want and you don't? Like that's just, that's just rude. It is rude.

Really? Wait, let's talk. Who was your first threesome? No, I never, I'm a square. Can I tell you why I'm a square in part because of the AIDS epidemic? And I went to college at the University of San Francisco. Oh God.

Which is gay mecca. Yeah. And she was there during like the party time too. Like the late 90s, early 90s. And so it was so rampant there. I was like, I'm so afraid, I'm so afraid of fuck. And yet straight people really had, your chances of getting were so fantastic.

Yeah, but I was dating dudes that were kind of playing both sides sometimes I think. I think. That's understandable. Tom wasn't though, was he? No, I met him. Have you ever had an encounter with a man, Tom? A gay encounter?

Yeah, no. Never? Nothing in high school? No, really? He's handsome though he should have. He is handsome. You do have a lot of masculine energy. Oh, so masculine.

That's what I love. I just never do. Well it's kind of a dirt bag. Like he's got, when his beard is fuller, he looks like a scumbag. It's very trim today. It's too short. He had it cut yesterday.

I had it cut yesterday. I was thinking that, it would have been nice if it was a little. No. Yesterday, it was kind of messy. I like it when it looks like a bird's nest. Yeah, me too. Kind of stinky, it smells like cheese

or what I had for lunch, I like that. Now, I have some professional questions to ask you. Oh yeah, comedy. Comedy, you keep referring to your show. You guys said it would be like a show about poop and peanut butter and farting and things. Actually, do you want to, oh, you have a question?

Well, we can get to this. I just wanted to, you want to do this clip first? Well, I had this thing. Oh yeah. It's actually, so this was a play off of, so Dr. Drew's show is done here. She did episode one.

I was on episode two and Dr. Drew referenced that he had talked to you about what goes in the, what goes in, talk to Christina about what he, when he's asked, what's the biggest thing that should go up someone's butt? Right. So I just wanted to play for you what was said

and then you can weigh in on it. Oh, you look so good in that, Tom. Thank you. Thank you. I think you're Scott's type. You are my type. That's the reason he is my type. Really?

Blue eyes bearded. The blue eyes I can do without. Really? The bearded. I like bears too. All right. But the diameter with the circumference should be of what goes up the shitter.

Wait, what should go up there? Yeah. I don't understand the question. You're saying what is the- I said the okay sign. What's the diameter? Oh, of the big white supremacist. Yeah.

Oh, is that what that is? White power. Oh, geez. It's a healthy thing to go up. But I would think that most people could handle more than that, you know? Could handle it, but may not be healthy. Double anal happens all the time.

It does. Does it? Double anal. Double anal. Look at that, he didn't even play. He doesn't know what he's talking about. Yeah. No, he doesn't know.

He didn't play this clip for Dr. Ramam. He does not know what he's talking about. My God. I thought there was a lady who had done a number of films and she had a prolapsed, you know what I'm gonna call it? A rosebud or something? It felt like a sleeve.

Yes, a sleeve, right? And then she would, she continued to work. And in my world, I just look at those videos and I think that's a surgery. A big surgery. A big surgery. So they've all seen them? They've all seen them.

Just like, you gotta go in and repair the whole setup down there. It's a major surgery. So you should, I mean, you shouldn't be doing double anal. Should not be doing double anal. Should not be prolapsed. No, you disagree, Scott? Why don't you put their message out there more?

I'm doing it now. That's why we're doing this show. How about your first show? That didn't come from double anal. You shouldn't be doing double anal. That didn't come from, you mean DP? Mm-hmm. Yeah.

You pretended to be naive about it. I think it's called double anal and you knew it was a DP. I don't know what it's called. I'm just an innocent old boy. It's a muscle. You can train your muscle. It's a muscle. Oh, so your sphincter can.

You can, and it will go back. Just like you can train your tongue to go for a little dance around my back. Yeah. No, I really believe, because I have another theory about anal sex. I believe that it's actually one of the reasons that gay men have been so persecuted

across the planet for thousands of years. And I think it's actually the original sin. I believe that in the story of the Garden of Eden, that when they talk about the apple, they're referring to Eve's anus. Because if you think about what the apple would have been like back then, it wouldn't have been like an apple today.

It wouldn't have been cultivated. It would have been like a little crab apple. So my thing is Adam was like, they were like, you know, walking around naked. Eve was at the river and she was bent over. And she bent over and her little, you know, her little bum opened up a little bit. And he looked and he went,

and his snake, his penis, went, you know, hard. And he fucked her in the ass. And they're like, this is phenomenal. And we don't get pregnant, which I didn't even really know about. But I think what it did was it took God out of the equation and God realized, oh, these fuckers, I found a way around my prohibition

against sex, they found the loophole. And therefore he wanted to get the power back over Adam and Eve. So, and so the snake is the penis, the apple is the anus. And it's the original sin. And so sodomy became the original sin, which God, Adam and Eve kicked out of the garden of Eden.

And therefore throughout history, since that day, I mean, the Christian world or Judeo-Christian world, whatever, God has made sodomy the ultimate sin. Because, and that includes oral sex, really. It basically is sex without procreation. And sex without procreation allows you to not have, you can have fun and you don't have God

or the natural world, whatever you wanna say as the stand-in for God involved. And so that's why I think the male homosexual has been the most persecuted creature on the planet. Wow. In every racial, ethnic subgroup. I've never thought of it like this. Now the Greeks were butt-fucking, were they not?

Yes, they were butt-fucking, but they had a very different way of butt-fucking. Really? It wasn't like you couldn't be an open homosexual and live as a gay man. The way that the Greeks and the Romans didn't have male homosexuality was, it would be an older man and a younger man.

And it was considered to be a kind of a relationship that would last for a certain amount of time until the boy kind of came of age. These are very different times. Can't judge them from our times today, even though that's what everybody wants to do. And then the boy was expected to move on from that to a woman.

So even no one, no one, Oh, it's like a training camp for badge. Yeah, like maybe Plato or Aristotle lived openly as gay men, but I don't think so. And even that male, the older male, and it was always an older male and a younger male. And the older male was supposed to teach that boy a new life.

Interesting. And then once that boy was of age, that he was expected to, as they say in the Bible, cleave to a woman. Right, marriage. That's a wild introduction though. Have some old guy just dump his clip in you and then he's like, now go do it to a girl.

I mean, he wouldn't have to be that old. Right. Handsome. I'm picturing like a really old guy. No, I'm picturing like a, No, I'm picturing like a, I'm picturing like a, A nasty old man.

I'm picturing like Santa Claus. I'm picturing a 42 year old. Okay. Clive Owen. Oh, that's cool. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. I'm into that.

And the boy I'm picturing is like a, maybe a Leonardo DiCaprio. Oh, Jesus. When he was like Titanic. When he's like 15. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, whatever. The Gilbert Grape era.

Gilbert Grape era. Yeah. Skinny face. How high up on the list is Clive for you? Clive's way up there. Yeah. He's way up there. That's a man.

Yeah. That's a real man. Yeah. I think Clive Owen, there's, I think, yeah. How about the, what's the guy's name? Liv Schreiber? You like that guy? I do.

What's that show called? I don't know, but his brother is Pablo Schneider and I work with him on American Gods. He's also a very handsome, masculine man. You know what? But I do like, you know, I love a weary man. Weary. Wait, her favorite.

Yeah, this is the guy. Scumbag. This guy's a man. Oh, you'd like, yeah. I like him. He's kind of dirty looking. You like the, what's the show called? Scruffy, dirty.

Oh, there's Ricky Whittle from American Gods. Oh yeah, Ray Donovan. Rudy. Ray Donovan. What about... Benicio Del Toro. She loves Benicio Del Toro. Oh, I think he's hot as hell.

Yeah, dirty, smelly. I kind of like that. Yeah, he's Vincent Gallo. I love him. He always talks about this. Weird. Yeah, he's a little too skinny for me. Too skinny, yeah.

Idris Elba to me is a man. I like this, yeah. That's a man. That's, yeah, he could do anything to me. Yeah. Anything, anything. I love it. Are you seeing anybody now?

No. Okay, you're free. No, I'm free, yeah. Putting it out there. I'm putting it out there, yeah. Thank you. Okay, now back to my technical question. Oh yeah.

You were referencing your show earlier. Yes. And I just want to say one of my favorite lines that stuck in my head since I was 15 is when my friend Opal asked me to coach her lesbian softball team while she was away fighting in the golf. I said, sure.

She was a sailor, right? Yeah. Yes. Yeah, that's a good one. Now, who's that? Butts Buddy Cole. That's Buddy Cole. Yeah, that's Buddy Cole.

Now, Buddy Cole is what you're doing now, right? Yeah, Buddy Cole. You know, like, here's the thing, when I was young, if I was a young gay man today, I'd probably be, I would have gone right into stand-up comedy. I wanted to be a stand-up, but it wasn't. And I've seen you do stand-up in San Francisco

at the punchline when I was in college. You were my first stand-up comedy show. Whoa, really? Yes, I never told you this. And I saw you, because I recognized you from kids in the hall and I was in college and I thought, you can do that. You can be in sketch comedy and then become a stand-up.

And you totally, again, blew my mind. And I was terrible back there. No, you were not terrible. I was so raw. Yeah, but that was fun to watch. I know, but oh. You were amazing. Well, you tell him.

That's you saying. I think it's not what they say. No! I'm mortified by the way I was. No, you were fantastic and you blew my mind and you inspired me and then later on. Well, I would have loved to have been a stand-up. I became a stand-up the last 15 years.

I decided to really concentrate on it and to get good at it. And I love it. But back then, I would have. In fact, in the mid-80s, when I was meeting the kids in the hall, like 85, 86, I started doing stand-up. But it was so awful. Like the atmosphere from the other comedians,

from the audience was so terrible. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. And so I created Buddy Cole, I think in a way. That's what I'm trying to get at. Is that I think Buddy Cole was in many ways, he's a character, but he was also my stand-up voice. Oh, interesting.

In a time when I couldn't be that kind of a stand-up. And now Buddy was based on a lover. Yes, he was. He was based on a real lover who died very, very quickly. He was taken, I met him, we had an affair. And I'll never forget it. And he was a very effeminate man. And I was, and he was really effeminate, effeminate.

And I found him attractive. And I was like, well, I don't usually like guys like that. But his femininity was like weaponized. Like he was an alpha queen is what I would say. Oh, right. Wonderful. And so I just found him incredibly attractive. And then I'll never forget it because he died so quickly.

I'm not gonna say his name, but he died very, very quickly. And I actually remember the night we were together. And I really looked back on it. And I think it was the night that he transitioned or transformed when I could, he had a fever. And you know what I mean? He didn't have sex or anything. And he was just a mess.

And he was quite promiscuous. And I really believe, looking back on it, that that was the night that the virus took him. And I look at it, I'm so lucky. I was so close to the fire so many times. But I was one of those gay guys that I started having safe sex immediately. Really?

I was like, I'm going to survive this. And so even if I have to wear a con of the rest of my life, I will. But I start after he died, and he dumped me in a very ugly way. And then he died. And then he died. I mean, I literally knew him for less than a year.

You know, he just blazed and then he died. So many of them did. And I started imitating him with my friend Paul Bellini, because Paul Bellini had a video camera at the very beginning of the video, a home video revolution. And I just started imitating that voice. And that was where he was born.

Yeah, and Buddy Cole, by today's standards, I think even back in the early 90s standards, was very shocking. Oh, he was shocking. Oh, people were furious at him. Straight people were just shocked by him. And gay people hated him because they felt that I was doing a stereotype, which I was.

Which that's the whole point, isn't it? And I think a lot of gay men were very much in denial about the way they really were. But like an informed stereotype is hilarious. Yeah, that's what people. And he's smart. Like, he's smarter than anyone. He's smarter than any of my characters.

He's enlightened. He's an enlightened guy. He really is. He doesn't care. He does not care about what, which way the wind is blowing, right? In his time. All he cares about is the truth.

Right. And he knows, he's quite often, he's quite often spinning into the wind. And that's where I'm at today, actually. So you're taking Buddy on stage all the time. Yeah, the last year and a half, I've started developing a brand new Buddy Cole show and it's been going fantastic.

That's great. It feels like he's needed a game. I agree. And he, even with the standup, which I just love doing it, but I felt like he can take this ball now and run with it. And you can't really, even the young SJWs who find everything offensive,

they have to listen to him. Right. He can get away with shit. He's a war vet. He's got one leg. He's got PTSD. Do you know what I mean? He's shell shocked.

He doesn't give a fuck. And those youngsters are going to listen. Yes. Because he's been around. And I've been around long enough to know that life is cyclical and things come and go. And every time we think we've solved something we've really haven't,

we've just fucked it up in a different way. Yeah, I agree. Kind of this SJW culture now is a remix of the 90s of when we did, we started political correctness when we started using words like European American, African American, and there weren't retarded people

or retarded people. Hey. I don't know, but you know what I'm saying? Absolutely. We just renamed the shit. The late 80s, early 90s is exactly like this time. I also feel like that was a time when there was enormous social and cultural change.

You had the AIDS epidemic. You had the collapse of the Berlin Wall, right? The end of the Soviet Union. Yes, we just talked about that. You had Tiananmen Square. You had massive, massive changes. And today we're in a very similar time. And I think we're going,

I think the bubble's about to pop. Great. And I'd like to be one of the people that I'm going to answer. You're gonna be because Buddy does not give a fuck. It's needed right now. It is needed. Because the truth is, it's like I'm doing it out of love

and I'm doing it out of knowledge and I'm not doing it just to be an asshole. Which is a big, by the way, it's a big part of why it'll work. I think so. The audience has always sensed intent. Always. They do.

They know. They know. They're animals. They subconsciously, there must be an organ that we don't have found yet. But they know. Because people say to me after my show, how do you get away with that?

That is an appalling show. Yeah. Because I think they understand the intent. Of course. Well, Anne, you and I discussed this a minute before we started rolling. I feel like gay men and women, because we're marginalized,

there's a certain, you get away with murder in a way. You get to say shit that this guy over here is gonna get into a lot of trouble. That's right. And I don't think, honestly, that's fair. Because I think, I don't think that's fair. No, but it's your advantage

and you may as well use it. It is an advantage and I will use it. Yeah, celebrate it. But I don't think it's ultimately fair because it reminds me of the way it was for me before. When I couldn't say those things. And so I don't like it. Of course.

But I understand it. But I don't really like it. But also I think like I do a whole routine in the show where Buddy takes on the Me Too movement. And there's no way a straight man could say what I say. No. And women, they know that I'm talking to them one on one as like going ladies, what the fuck are you doing?

It's going too far. And I think women understand that when I say it, I'm not, I'm talking to them as an equal. Like going, I know when you're being an asshole. And so I think the asshole behavior of women right now, I'm calling them on it. And only a gay man could do that. Of course.

Totally a straight man. And I really do, I'm doing it out of love and I'm doing it out of, I think I see women in a different way than straight men do because I'm not after pussy. Yeah. You're free. And I understand males.

Males, everything's about sex. Yes. So I don't have to flatter women so that their legs remain open. Right. I don't care if they tie their legs off to me. And all straight men do. So they're pulling their punches with you.

That's what I'm doing. I think you're right. They're lying to you. And I'm saying to them, they're lying. You know what the worst is though? What's that? The straight, full of shit advocate. The guy who's like, I'm your ally.

The male feminist. The bullshit. And the fact that you can't see through them. Oh no, I see through them. But a lot of women can not. It's in my acts. I talk a lot of shit about the fake male. They are dumb brats.

They are pathetic. Women are stupid. The ones online that are constantly like, virtuosically wearing their pussy hats. And their fucking thumb rings. And those guys are dangerous. They're dangerous. They're very dangerous.

And they're, you know what? They're not hot. No, they're not hot. It's not masculine. It's not masculine. But see, I like lesbians for the same reason because they're not seeking male approval. And I fucking love it.

Because they're just like, fuck you. Women are stupid. There you go. That's really nice. So Buddy Cole is doing his show. We're at the Lyric, you said. Lyric Hyperion every Tuesday. Oh shit.

So that we should come see it. I did, the preview two nights ago went great. But starting April 2nd, it'll be every Tuesday for six weeks. Oh, we're gonna go. We're going for it. Eight o'clock, Lyric Hyperion. It's a residency, which is exciting for me. Oh, that's very cool.

So I'm developing this show and I'm trying to get it. I'm trying to get a special for him. That would be fantastic. And I really, the last 20 minutes are just a barn burner. Buddy just goes after, you know, woke culture, me too, gay marriage. What's that great line you had about woke? Well, the last piece is called Woping when it's over.

Exactly. That's a great line. Because it's just like, oh no. But can I tell you that? I want to call you out for earlier. You use it all along. Well, that's why we play drops like that. I think that the majority of people are sick of it.

They are. And they really are. You can't say it. You can't say it. Most people can't. No, but that body can. But I can't. I think that's why that's, you know, and the white ones too.

Like they're pathetic. The white woke people are the most pathetic, right? Because they think that they're protecting everybody. Well, you suck them. Yeah, well, that's actually the arrogance of that. It's a new form of racism. It really is. It's over the years done all types of jokes and plenty

that are involving race. Yeah. Man, of the hundred times someone talked to me about it, 98 were white, usually women. 99, I would say 99 for me, white women. And here's the thing, like even during shows. And the grossest thing would be, you do this joke, it goes over great.

And then you'll hear something, you're like, what was that? And then it's this white person going, you know, you should apologize to him, like what? And then they're telling somebody in the audience how they should, like that person doesn't understand their own feelings. Someone who's not white, probably. Yeah, someone who's not white is like,

now I'm cool with it. I'm cool, yeah. And then the person's like, you know, basically I'm going to rescue this person of color who's incapable of feeling offended themselves. I know, I know. It's really embarrassing. Well, which the irony is, if you've done those rooms,

you've done, I've done black rooms, Latino rooms, whatever, AA rooms, they can take a joke. Oh yeah. And they laugh the hardest. That's right. And actually they've done studies which the hard left doesn't want to look at, which is that it's actually people that are non-white

that are most sick of political correctness. Oh my bad. So it's just nonsense. It really is. And every time I do like race, I do tons of race material. But it's like you watch the white ones that are uptight and they won't laugh until someone who's not white laughs

which gives them permission. Like Kevin and McDonald and I did a tour years ago called Two Kids One Hall where we both toured and did stand up. And I had a route, it was in San Francisco. And it was, oh, San Francisco, Seattle and Portland are the worst. I know.

I love the worst. And I remember we, I did this, I have this joke. I talk about cancer. Not our crowds though. Yeah. And I'm a cancer survivor and I talk about losing my hair and I do this whole routine about,

you see, I do this routine about hair, about black hair, white hair, right? And how white hair is better, but black skin is better, right? And I'm going, it's just a trade off. And I was going, and I praise all the colors of white hair and all the textures and people like, and black women fucking love it.

And then I go, well, you know, you see, I ever see a black woman that's bald. You're like fierce white woman cancer. And a woman, a white woman took her shoe off and threw it at my head. Whoa. Threw it at my head. Always.

I remember one time we were in Portland and Kevin was doing the same show, the same joke. Another white woman jumped up and started screaming at me. Oh man. They had to take her out. They had to escort her out. The black security guard had to escort her out. You should come do one of my shows, baby.

I just find that hilarious. It's hilarious. Like, because I love talking about race. I mean, it's one of the most interesting things. It's so interesting. And it's kind of taken off the table now for standup. It's considered, that is the, it's so taboo right now. It's so difficult.

Buddy doesn't give a fuck. Buddy doesn't give a fuck. It's sometimes I'm up there going, oh my God, I must be the freest white man in their 50s in the world doing comedy. You are. And it's a thrill. So we have, we always have, you know,

we play clips on the show a lot, but there's always, there's the vault of classics. And this is like one of the all time classics. And it's just, I just, watching you watch it, is something we want. I've never seen this. Yeah, even better. So this is obviously aired on the new,

and I'll tell you the follow up of what happened, but I'll just, just set it up and. Let you, let you sink in, marinate in it. I'm your mom and you're my son. And I, in falling in love with him, he said, are you really? I said, yes I am. He said, you know what?

I was scared to let you know too, I am too. We're both consenting adults. If it comes down to it, you know, it's just like the gays. No. As long as they're over 18, everything's fine. No. What? What are you saying?

It's not like the gays? Oh, that's so sad. And they both have like teardrop tattoos. Yeah. So they both killed people. On their own. On their own. And they got reunited.

That's trash. I asked him, will you ever date your mom? And he said, will you date your son? I said, on the truth, yes I would. Cause 19 years, you're the best thing that ever happened to me and I really want to be with you the rest of my life. There you go. And so what happened after this?

It was aired and then they got arrested actually. Good. They got arrested, yeah. And what happened? I don't, I think they had some type of like plea deal, but. Well, she should be, she, she's. Well, you know, we actually. That's a criminal.

She's a criminal. We asked around a lot about it. I think even Drew weighed in on this first time we showed it to him was that it's not uncommon for family members who are separated for a long time. Oh, yes. I've heard of that. To be when they're reunited, have sexual feelings for each other.

Have siblings and that's very, were they separated? Yes. Yes. So he didn't, she didn't see him for like basically 18 years or something. Okay. And then, and then, you know, it's what happened. He said is that there's some theory about, you know,

the wiring in your head about like how to process the emotions of reuniting sometimes just, you know, they get crossed. Well, plus if she hasn't been maternal towards her own son for 18 years, she probably doesn't know how to be a mom. Yeah, that's, that's probably it. So it turns sexual. I don't know. That's so sad.

I know. And it is just like the gaze. I mean, how about, yeah, it's just like the gaze. It is like the gaze though. It's good question is, you know. Ask them, will you ever date your mom? Would you ever date your mom? My mom?

Yeah. It would be easy cause she's in, she's got Alzheimer's so she would be so easy. And you know what's funny? My mom doesn't have any idea who I am when I visit her. And she comes on to me all the time. Does she really? Really?

But she flirts with you? I mean, now she, yeah, she flirts with me. Now, actually that's gone. Now she can barely communicate now, but there was a period when she would be like, every time I would see her, she'd be like, oh, and who are you? I'd be like, I'm your son.

And she said to me one time, oh, don't be ridiculous. I'm too young to have a son your age. And I, and I go, well, sorry, old lady. I'm actually, I was wondering like, she put her hand on my knee. Really? And how, like, in those situations with, I'm saying with somebody with Alzheimer's

and their minds going, do you, depending what they say, sometimes roll with it. You do. And sometimes though, you got to go like, no, no, no, like that's not the case. I'm your son. I roll with it up until, up until intercourse. You know, definitely I take the diaper off

and they're all the rest of it. I stop at full fledged, you know. But she, you know, they tell you to just play along with everything, you know, within reason. You know, you've had a pretty eventful life. I have, I've had a very eventful life. Jesus Christ.

I mean, I have, yeah, I've only, probably, I only know of the tip, but first of all, I just, I have to ask you this question because I heard an interview, you did a while ago back and you, you went on this like Canadian exchange program when you were a teenager. I did. I lived in the Philippines.

Yeah. But not the good Philippines. No God, no, no, no, I was adopted by a family. It was amazing. How did this happen and tell us the story? I'm telling you no more. Well, you know, they have a program in Canada called Canada World Youth.

And it's sort of, I don't know if they do it anymore. I don't think they do because I don't think parents would allow this to happen to their children anymore. They wouldn't give their kids to the government for a year and say, take them to a God forsaken third world country and dump them with a family in the middle of a jungle and we'll see them in a year. Yeah.

And how old were you when 18? I never been out of my, I'd never left the country. I'd never been on a plane. I'd never, I'd never seen an ocean. I'd never, I didn't know anybody that wasn't white. I didn't know anything. And then the next thing I know, I'm living in a village in the Northern Philippines.

In a village. Family of 14, 12 children in a cinder block home with no electricity, no running water. Cute little sky. Shitting in a hole. Really? Working in a rice field with a water buffalo in the middle of a, in the middle of a civil war.

What? The best year of my life. Are you being serious? Absolutely. It changed my entire life. Did your parents know what you were getting into? No. I mean, I think there were,

this is that these are different parents than today. But did they think you were going to live with Uncle Tata and everything? They thought I, Tata, yeah. They thought I would probably be in like a middle class home in Manila or something. No.

And they, they had, if they knew, oh my God, the things that we saw it blew my mind. It changed me irrevocably and in many ways for the good. Because for one thing is as a young person, like a young white person from a first world country, from a middle class community, suddenly I was thrust into this world where I really took it inside of me that, oh my God,

people are the same. Not, not me seeing it on paper, but feeling it viscerally like, oh my God, they really are the same. We really do want the same things. Everyone and wow, what an unfair world we live in. And so for that, in many ways it burned off any kind of like white guilt I had or any of that thing.

It just, it changed everything. Cause I went, this family took me in. They adopted me pretty much and I didn't, they didn't speak English. I didn't know what was going on. So what's the exchange? Is, does one of their family come to you? No.

Just throw a Canadian in. You spent half the year with one of them as a counterpart in a part of the country you're not from, right? So the first part is they throw you in. So I went to Northern Alberta and it was adopted, me and Joji, Guy Aranaud. We were partnered and we worked in a newspaper as cub reporters in a Northern Toronto,

Northern Ontario, Northern Albertan newspaper. And I lived, we lived with a farm family and they took us in. And their idea, part of the country you're not from, so you learn about your country. And then you go there and you're partnered with another Filipino in another part of their country. And so it's like half the year in your country,

half the year in their country. And there's, it's not like the Peace Corps cause that you don't do anything like you work, but you're not like, there's no illusions that you're, you're helping them. That's what I was going to say. Were you like slave labor for them? Well, like it's a very, it's a very 60s kind of a thing.

It's a very Canadian kind of a thing. The actual reason for it is just to foster awareness between the first world and the third world. That's it. It was just to allow Canadians to understand, cause in Canada, we have a very different way of looking at the world. We are deeply pro-immigrant.

We understand that we are the second people to arrive that we have, right? That most of us are immigrants. We have, I think a different relationship with the native people. Definitely. Definitely. So basically the idea was just to foster awareness.

That's it. To basically, it's just to build understanding between races, between countries, between- Could have really had an effect on you. It changed me, it changed all my work. It gave me the courage to tell my parents that I was going to be a comedian.

It changed, it made me kind of look at people who weren't my race and just go, it's just paint. I don't really see race as an uncrossable barrier. I don't see gender. I think all of them are just silly fences. We're just meat, meat, meat and cheese. We're just different meat vessels. Most importantly, you're six months in this village.

What about the fuck it, man? Well, no, here's the thing. No, I did not have sex at all. Oh dear. No, no. And here's the thing, but it was my first experience to homosexuality. It was your first in the Philippines?

And it was, but it was in a very, very culturally different way. They have a thing called the Bacla, which are, and it's very much like in India has that, with the, and it's basically the third sex. Oh right, yeah. And so basically- So it's the what?

They call it the third sex. Oh. People with both. Like bird ashen, which is a Native American way of describing homosexuals, which is what I really do believe we are. I don't get lost in any of this modern talk about gender. I find it all kind of nonsense.

But they had a thing in the village where I lived, homosexuality was very, very bad, but if you were a man and you wanted to live as a woman, you could be accepted. Oh. But you could not live as a man. So every village in this, in the country, and I lived in the rural parts of the Philippines,

they would have these, they would have men who would dress as women. They weren't considered women. They weren't, they weren't, they were called Baclas. And they were openly homosexual men, but they had to behave in a woman, stereotypically female way. Like if you were a male and you walked around like a male

and you had sex with males, you were garbage and you would be routed out of the village. But so that was my first experience. You pretend to be a lady. But if you pretend to be a lady, then they're like, okay. You'd be accepted. And that's quite common in many parts of the world.

And so I don't really like it. But you know, I'm sure it's changed now drastically. But no, I was in love with a soldier because the country was in military rule, but I was in love with a soldier who meant the barrier between the town and the villages. And nothing ever happened, but I would get drunk with him in his guard post

until the village took me aside and said, you can't be fraternizing with him anymore. Because the town- Because they picked up on it. Well, no, it wasn't the homosexual thing. It's because he was a representative of the military. And I discovered that my family were actually rebels and that they were involved with the New People's Army.

Oh, so it was political. It was political. Jesus Christ. So that they told me that I could not, I could not fraternize with him anymore because it was, people were talking. And there was lots of things happening. Like there was one-

It sounds heavy actually. There was some heavy things. One time when I was there, like if my parents knew, oh my God, there was a village near mine. And the New People's Army, they were called the NPA. They were guerrillas in the jungle.

And they would come out of the jungle and they would kill people. They killed the mayor from the next town over and they put his head on a spike- Fuck! ...aside the town. So these sorts of things happened. Damn.

I get you wouldn't be kids to, parents today won't even let their kids walk to school. No. So, but I was very blessed to be one of the last free-ranging children. Yes, yes. And I really hope the kids today rebel. I really think they need to rebel.

They need to rebel. They've got to shake off the yokes of these clingy parents. Hopefully. Hopefully I can come up with some cool music and cool variation. I hope so, cause where's the rebellion? Yeah, I agree.

There's no subculture that's like- You're too friendly with them. Yes. Okay, kids in the hall chat. I have to do it. What's your pronoun? What's your pronoun? My favorite sketch was Running Faggot.

Oh, it's a good one. It's a great one. And I didn't write it. Bruce wrote it. Yes, so let's talk about the origins. For those of you who hadn't seen it, could you describe Running Faggot? Running Faggot is basically,

it's two guys, Mark and Bruce, playing. Oh, there it is. They sing a song with a kind of a Daniel Boone. It's inspired by Daniel Boone. The Daniel Boone was a man with a big man. This song about a great folk hero. And that sort of thing. Running free, running free, running faggot.

There he is. Running free, see the faggot, see the running faggot. Running faggot, running free. I think it's a, Bruce Tull came to me with it, I remember. It was when the kids in the hall had been separated by Lauren Michaels. This was written. And he thought he could take Mark and Bruce

and turn them into SNL members, but it didn't work. And so I remember I was visiting Bruce and Mark when they were on SNL. Lauren brought us to, brought them to New York, they were originally the first two. They were brought like illegally. Oh. And then he paid them like a money under the table.

Really? And it didn't work out. But then when he brought all five of us, he did the same thing to us. But Bruce had this idea, which I think they rejected. Obviously they rejected it Saturday Night Live. And it was kind of an homage to me. I think he was kind of honoring me.

And he said, I have this idea about a folk song. You're like a kind of a Western cowboy kind of hero. And you're like Daniel Boone. And it's called Running Faggot. And I was like, well, that sounds funny. To be honest, at first I was like, what? I didn't quite get it. He just told me, I want you to be like,

we're going to write this song about it. And you're just solving problems by being yourself. And he wrote it. And I thought it was really great. Well, because the character solves all the world's problems. And I'm like, hey, what should we do? These guys over here, we're in a war. Should I go shoot them?

And you're like, or you could go talk to them. Talk to the Indians. Talk to the Indians. He's like, oh. Should I just kill them all? And people, I think when we first did it, it was fascinating because when we first started doing it, this is definitely, that's from our vault.

Like that was stuff before television. And when we would do it, quite often guys would come up to us and go, ah, we really liked it when you suck it to the faggots. And we would say, no, no, actually, we're actually not. He's a hero, yeah. And then they would go, actually, I'm gay.

And they're like, come on. No fucking way. No, I actually really am. It's actually honoring me. And they're like, ah, I don't, it didn't really compute. To remember a very different world. Like in the 80s, the idea of paying homage to a gay man

was not even, not on the table in any way. It hadn't even been, it wasn't even, it was a bill that hadn't even been introduced yet. Right. They're basically like, you're like, we don't kill you. You know? Yeah, like what? I mean, homosexuality was, it was,

comedy, gay men in comedy were literally, it was open season. Oh my God, you watch those Eddie Murphy specials. They're shocking. The first 10 minutes of raw and delirious are literally fag, fag, fag before he even tells jokes. I remember, we were talking about this once about how the world's really changed

with regard to that in the last, I mean, I would say I started staying up, I was just staying up 17 years. And I remember early on, even like for the first of those, of these last 17 years, for the first seven, eight for sure, you could even just imply that someone was gay. That's right.

And that'd be hilarious. I'd say. Like they would be like, if there were two guys, they'd be like, what are you guys together? Everybody laugh. And then yeah, the crowd exclaim. And then now if you go like, are you guys together?

Everyone's like, maybe they are together. You know, it's a total like shift. Absolutely. If you could, you could just, you know, say, it was their hack jokes, but like somebody would say something's just about, not like that's gay, like that's lame, but if somebody was just like,

and then a guy came in and looked at, you know, it's like something about like a man, just being gay, that was the punchline. There was no need for any jokes. Like I remember when I first, when I was very young, and I did go to about four or five open mics at Yuck Yucks in Toronto, when I thought I could actually be a stand-up comic.

And I wasn't even out, but they could tell. And when the comedians would introduce me, and something you might know, but I'm not punitive right now. I'm not in that phase right now. I'm waiting. I have so many. You have a good list.

I have such a, I have areas lists. You know, do you watch Game of Thrones? I got a list in my pocket of people that have wronged me. That if they do something, and I'm like, I'm a gentle man. I'm an empathetic man. I'm a man full of forgiveness, but don't fuck with me,

because I know what you did. But they would do things like, they would wipe the mic and go, I don't want to get AIDS. Oh, that's how I was introduced. Wow. Wait, introduced? Brutal. After I'd come on,

and they'd do that on stage? They'd go, we've got to wipe the AIDS germs off, damn. And then I would be called faggot. I mean, every time I went up, I was called a faggot. Wow. And then the fourth time, I lost it. I jumped into the audience and I got into a fight, and that was the end of me.

And I'd already met the kids in the hall then, and I'm like, okay, this is okay. But they would do a thing, and what you're saying is exactly true. If a guy went to the washroom during your set, all you had to do when he came, he's getting a blowjob or, and that would be hilarious.

Or there were two names they would call men, Lance or Bruce. Bruce, yeah. Bruce. Hi, Bruce. Hey, Bruce. Hey, Bruce. You just say Bruce with a list,

and that would be hilarious. And if a male, two males were together, all you had to do was imply they were gay, and that was it, and every comedian would pick on them. That's literally what it was like. I will say Bruce is a pretty good gay guy, I think. It is, yeah.

But you know what was great about you is that you made it cool. I wanted to, that's what I said. You were cool. You could have just been just broken by that type of abuse. I could have. And I could have been really lame

and just asked for tolerance, which is so unattractive. Oh, it's so boring, right? Who wants tolerance? I'm like, no, no, I want people to go, that guy's cool. Right. That was my goal.

I went, no, no, I don't want to be tolerated. That's so unsexy. But the funny thing is fast forward all these years and now that's what everyone's like. Is this a space for all of us to play? Is everyone inclusive? Save space, guys. It's embarrassing now.

There's so many people. It kills comedy. It's not funny. It does kill comedy. It's not funny. No, it's not funny. Inclusion, this whole diversity madness is, come on. It's getting, it's crazy.

We just, we went through this whole pilot thing this past year, the third time or whatever. And it's funny now. It's like at the pitch. We love this idea. How inclusive this is going to be? It's immediate. You gotta be like, there's an Indian guy

and he's there all the time. It's not helping. Yeah, I know. It's not helping. And it's embarrassing and I'm actually embarrassed for people. Cause I find it sickening and patronizing. It is kind of, it's very sickening. And like, you're right, there's room diverse.

No, it's hilarious. Yeah. That should be the main. It's hilarious and there's nine Jewish white guys. Yeah. And I honestly think we're going to eventually, and I think anybody from a minority is feel, I feel patronized by it.

Yeah. You know. Well, who was in here and we're talking about, I should be, if I'm offended when guys make jokes against women or something, and they, remember who the fuck was it? And they're like, but you're a comedian before you're a woman.

That's right. And I'm like, yeah, absolutely. Someone can make a joke about, like we play that drop, stupid broad women are stupid. I don't give a fuck. It's funny. It's stupid. Because it's true though, you are a comedian.

Because I am stupid. And women are stupid. I am. I'm the same too. I'm a comedian. I'm a comedian. That's a gay guy having sex. No, it's from the Buddy Cole show.

No, that's Mack SF. Do you know who Mack SF is? Oh, okay. He's a big bear. No, he's a fucking, really a diesel dude. Is he? Yeah, he's a fucking. No, I think it's comedy is, comedy's a dangerous thing.

Yeah, it should be anyways, if it's fun. There's a reason that like a comic is not, you know, you go that way and you're not like, I want to run the PTA or something. Yeah. It's a totally different mindset. Like we're not going to survive this HR error. No.

It's just not going to, we are different. And I don't want to be held to the same standards as the insurance companies. Right, yeah. And it will just, it's art for God's sake. Can I say the A word? Can I, I mean, it's ludicrous. And I think we're going to eventually,

and I also believe that diversity, it's happening. It's happening naturally. It is. And I love a diverse world, but I don't want it done from the top down. Well, cause they ruin it. When the corporate gets a hold of it, it's spoiled, it's done already, it's not true.

And I don't think, and this whole idea, companies, like the Buddy Cole show, it's not a safe space. That's how you should advertise. It's not. And I knew, no matter what you are, I will come for you. Dude, you should think about at your showroom, putting up some signs of like, this is not a safe space.

I do like that. Crying your fucking tears. Yeah, and cry, baby. This is not an inclusive area. Gone, yeah. This is my place, babe. Or your tickets, your VIP could be a non-inclusive area, not a safe space.

And I do believe, I do believe that's what, comedy needs to, it needs to get its mojo back. It is, I mean, and I will say podcasts like this, comedians like my husband, myself, and Joe Rogan, and Joey Diaz, worked completely not social justice. But let me ask you one more question about Kids in Home. How did you get away with doing sketches,

like Running Faggot? And you were so pushing the envelope, especially for American television, because I watched you guys, it was on Comedy Central. You guys built Comedy Central. We did, in a way. We were kind of like the, we were like the mourner. You didn't kind of, you did.

That was the first show. For no money. Oh, don't tell me that. We had the worst contract since the Negro Baseball League. That's what I'm saying. That's terrible. Like terrible. Oh.

No, they had a deal, such a sweetheart deal. They could play every single episode four full times, which means they could go through, and there's a lot of shows, 120 episodes. So they could play that entire cycle four times before they got any, we got any residual. No. And so I've never received a residual from Comedy Central.

All of that was done for free. Whoa. What? Well, maybe that's why they played it so much. That's because they could, they had such a great year. But it was on 24th. Every time I turned on Comedy Central in high school, you guys were there, and that's how I became familiar.

And that's it. So that was part, you know, like, yes. So they were like, we do this four times, you guys. Yeah. Oh. And we were like, and what they, you know, there was a lot of, I made some very big mistakes. I went in and I confronted the head of Comedy Central

and said, don't fuck with our material. That was a dumb thing. Because they were, they had a, we had a deal that they were breaking. They would, they were not allowed to cut, they were not allowed to put it in commercials in between sketches. Like you had to pull out, play out the full sketch.

But some of the sketches were quite long. And so they would, they started stopping sketches in the half, you know, halfway point. And then putting in commercials and I went ballistic. I actually went down to Comedy Central and demanded an audience and then screwed the rest of my career. But I, I, I did the right thing,

but at the wrong time and in the wrong way. Yeah. It's a learning lesson. Yeah. But you know, we, we definitely had a bad, bad deal. But we also, the one thing we did have that was smart was that we owned our characters. But it's also why Lauren never made movies with us.

Really? Because he didn't own any of our characters. Oh. That's why there's no chicken lady movie or no crushing your head movie or no buddy movie. So for the SNL movies, he owns the character. Yes. God damn it.

Now that crushing your head stuff. I mean, there wasn't a kid in the world that wasn't doing that. And that was, that was the biggest. That was so fun. That was the biggest thing that came out of us. Even that didn't get a movie. I mean, Mark got to be, he put him on a Saturday Night Live

but he, no, that never, cause he never owned that character. Oh. Yeah. But now we're in talks. Hey. Good. And we did kids in the whole life too.

We're gonna get a Buddy Cole special out there. We're hoping. Hell yeah. Yeah, we're hoping. Can I send you by the way? So from that Drew segment, we actually came up with his first shirt. Can I send you the,

you shouldn't prolapse your anus shirt? Yeah. I'll ship it to you. Do you really? Yes. Yeah, take a look. I would love that. Oh God.

Oh God. He, when I told Drew, I was like, we're gonna make this a shirt. He goes, I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I mean, I don't think that's a controversial position. You shouldn't. No. I don't think you shouldn't.

And you shouldn't, you shouldn't, if you do, you shouldn't be proud of it. Yeah. Yeah. You're gonna get in there. I'm gonna lick the scrum tonight. Whoa. I'm not gonna lick the scrum.

That's what Scott says I should do first, to put my mouth there. Oh, that's what I did. But what about me, a timid mother of two? Well, I mean, you know, I mean, shower. He's gonna shower. Okay. Clean, you know.

And then what do I do? I got these, I got these ball wipes. That mans capes on us. Have you seen this? No. These are real. Why would you do that? Why would I do that?

Why would you wipe your balls? These are actual for your ball. Like I'm like a real, like a sticky day. You mean like a good day. A good, yeah, yeah. I don't hear it. Damn. I'm the one that says don't shower

before coming home. Oh, I got you. Damn, your hardcore dude love. Yeah. You love a dude. I love a dude. Yes, sir. Yeah, I do.

Stinky nasty. You like it when the bears grow their musk, when they build a musk? Yeah. Yeah. You know, we used to live in Silver Lake. Yeah, I do. I just love men.

Yeah. We lived in Silver Lake and we used to go to the bear gym. Bodybuilders. The bodybuilder gym. And those bears, they would just build a musk and then they would, you know, the fans are blowing. I do.

I do. He's like, you mean Steve? Yeah, Steve. And then the fan would just blow the bear's musk right into our faces. Like, oh, this must be paradise for Scott Johnson. There was one particularly savage dude and he had like the, what's it called?

The doorknocker. And like, you know, he was like Polynesian. And this dude. Yeah. Like we were downstairs. He'd be like, the fuck is that? And then you go upstairs and like he would, he would like turn the corner and his musk

would hit you like a fucking fist, you know? And he was so big that like everyone was like, yeah, I'm not gonna tell him to shower. He was a big fuck. No. No, I got, yeah. You know, are there still public places for gay men to hook up?

You know, like bathhouses. They still do that stuff? Yes, they do. I don't know how long they're gonna last though. Right. Yeah, I don't know. I think that the next wave of repression is gonna come from the left too.

It's gonna be them, they're gonna be the ones that are shutting those things down. I think it's gonna be fascinating to see. But I do think people are gonna go, what, they're having sex with each other? And no, that's not gonna stand. How promiscuous were the most promiscuous days?

Beyond belief. Because it's guys, it's guys on guys. It's men. Like women keep us, keep us checked. Women keep, women are women create civilization. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because if it's just guys. Can you imagine?

Oh my God. Well, we have to grow the babies from sperm. You do, women are the breaks. Yeah. But when it's your world like that. Oh my God. It's like you're just busting nuts left him, right? Yeah.

And I definitely, you know, and I'm certainly not one of the worst or the best, but I definitely, I'm sure I've had way more sex than you have. Without question. Without question. Let's talk about it's the height of kids in the hall. You're in the US.

You guys are touring or whatever. Is that your peak time? Is that peak? No, I never, ever get sex from that way. Really? Like I don't have groupies or any. What was, what's the peak time? Like a gay man generally wouldn't come and see us.

Oh right. I don't have a huge gay following. That's right. Interesting. I got my sex the old fashioned way. Game, spit and game. Spit and game, letting my, lifting my towel up. Old fashioned way.

Bars, bars. Bars, bath houses. Here's the thing, back in the day, I was a real park queen. I loved outdoor sex. I loved parks. And here's the thing. Was this, this means that this is always,

in this case, is this strangers then all the time? Yes. That's gotta be a thrill, right? The best. Yeah. And it's funny, because I mean, I remember sometimes I would have straight friends that would like be squeamy.

She's like, you really, you go to a forest and you don't even, then you have sex or something. You've never met. I'm like, fuck off. I'm like, park that bullshit. That's gotta be the best. Like, if males knew that there were parks in the world, filled with women, waiting to blow them for free.

Yeah, it's great. As if there would be any blade of grass standing in any park in the world. Like, it would be crazy. It would be crazy. I'd be a fucking park ranger. Of course you would. There come smokers.

There come smoking and other fire. So walk me through it. So you're like. And that's all, that's kind of over. Of course, that's what it is. It's still hot school. Wait, wasn't that the big George Michael one? Right?

He got caught in the bathrooms. I know that. Wasn't it by a park? It was a park bathroom. Park bathroom, okay. But you see, you go to these countries that aren't as far along and it's still happening. That's why I love the Arab world.

Cause oh, it's easy to get laid. But fuck Tuesday. There's nowhere easier to get laid than the Arab world. Really? Well, because it's so repressed. But it feels kind of scary too. That's what's weird about the Arab Muslim slash world is that there's more gay sex than anywhere.

Oh yeah, I know. Yeah. Yet there are less gays than anywhere. Right. Well, you can't live as an openly gay man in most of those parts. Most of the world. In Iran, forget it.

You have to turn you into a woman to be a gay man. Wait, so walk me through this. You're sitting here, excuse me, in your house and you're going, you know what? I want to go and get laid at the park. Yeah. What do you wear? Is it shorts?

Are you thinking easy access? Like, do you have to dress? Cause you're like, some guy's going to pull my pants down by the tree. You have to just be strategic. My thing was, here's my, my, my MO was when the bars would close, I would walk home through all the different areas

where I knew men were going. Oh, so you knew. Yeah, there were like, there were different parks that I would go to. There, I shouldn't be, I mean, I'm not ashamed of it. There were different like underground parking lots that were very notorious. Things like that.

So wait, when you show up, go ahead. Yeah, yeah. No, so what's the process? So it's all done, it's all done silently. Oh. That language is all silent. So you just eyeball, you make eye contact and it's like-

You let your hand brush your crotch, that sort of thing. What about, is there a thing about like, who's doing what? In other words, like, are you trying to get- Yeah, how do you know? You figure it out. You figure it out.

You figure it out. I mean, no one- Do you say, I do this, I don't do this? I think they do a lot of that, a lot more of that now. Right. But back then it was much more instinctive. And then you're done and then you just walk.

And then you're done. And then, and this is a weird thing. And then if you see them in public, you don't even acknowledge each other. Well, that's smart. Cause you don't know what he's got going on. He might have a boyfriend or a wife or God knows what. But that was the glory days.

I was definitely, I was a park queen. Yeah. So the parks, that was the best place. I bring that back for sure. Loved it. Yeah. And why is it not happening now? Well, because, well, there are a lot,

gay men don't have to, we don't hide in the shadows the way we used to. I think society has figured out a way to stop it. Everything's done online. The bars are all dying. And they still happen, but I haven't been picked up on the street in many, many, many years, but it used to be like that.

Yeah. Well, yeah. But now it's just apps, Grindr or whatever. And I don't use those. So I, really? Why not? Cause I'm afraid of someone saying, I got Scott Thompson on the line.

Let's see what he's into. And then someone saying, oh, look at this little text train that Scott taught. I don't want people to know what I'm, even though I talk a good game, that I'm very open about everything, but I don't need, you don't need to know the particular.

No, no, you need some privacy. And so, you know, I'm not ashamed of my sex life, but I just, I just don't think that's going to work for me. No. No. So you still hit the streets though, right? Working the streets.

I'm certainly, I'm certainly still open to it. Yeah. My whole thing is, here's, I think to myself, I'll get back on television and then I'll meet someone. Yeah. That's how it is for me now going.

Cause I'm like at an age where I'm going, I gotta have a TV show now. I love it. You know, and I still like, I still have a sex life. I've got a fuck buddy that I see regularly. We're not dating, but I really like him. And you call him up when you've had a drink or two and,

yeah. Hey, come over. What's up homie? Did you spend the night or strictly? No. Nuts and then you're out. No, but I like him. But here's the thing,

my thing is I, sometimes I fall for my fuck buddies. Cause I do, I think of myself as like a man. I'm like, I feel like I've got a woman's heart in a man's body with a man's hormones. Which is I think a deadly combination.

We don't have to pick your gender at that point. You know. I also think I probably have a woman's brain. I know that's a controversial thing to say, but I probably do. You might. And I probably have a woman, whatever a woman's heart is.

You know what I'm talking about. But I have the male hormones. And testosterone is not to be monkey with. It really isn't. And also, I mean estrogen and testosterone are very, very powerful things. Oh, I know. I've been pregnant with two boys.

And the first time I was pregnant, I go, it's a boy, I know it. And she goes, how do you know? Cause I feel angry. I feel like I'm gonna fucking fight somebody. And she goes, well, but testosterone, she goes, it makes sense. There's testosterone in your blood right now.

That's how they detect the sex of the baby. They take your blood. Well, I'll tell you something. This is an interesting thing that, for me in the hormone journey, when I was, I died cancer 10 years ago. I know. But I beat it.

But I had a very rough go. And I had non-Hodgkin's lymphoma in my stomach. So I had a lot of chemotherapy and radiation. But the chemotherapy did a number on me. And one of my side effects was it converted my testosterone to estrogen and I grew breasts. What? So I had to have a double mastectomy.

Are you serious? I had about three years after I was finished, I kept, well, as soon as I finished my treatment and they told me I was cured, I started growing breasts. And they weren't gonna take them out. Cause they said, oh, it's just cosmetic. And I went, well, I'm sorry. If a woman loses her breasts, you pay for it.

So you're gonna pay for mine. I don't want tits. But because of the hormonal journey that it gave me a real insight, especially in today's world where the heart left, tries to pretend that men and women are the same. And they kind of poo poo test. It's fascinating cause they're like,

on one hand they're saying, oh, gender's irrelevant. Yet at the same time, we wanna change our gender. Do you know what I mean? Like how can it be both? Right, you can't have both. Is it irrelevant or relevant? You can't have both. But for me, it was a fascinating journey

because I got flooded with estrogen. I became a different person. You must have. A nicer person? Oh. Did you have more energy? Cause estrogen, when I was on that for a second. No, no, less energy.

Less ambition, which is a very dangerous thing to say. And your sex drive also. Went away. I didn't wanna fuck the same way. Now I have to say, that's probably as well cause I was fighting cancer. But I literally lost my sex drive. I became kinder, I became more touchy.

I did a lot more rubbing people's backs. I think I became a more empathetic person. I think I became a kinder person. But I definitely, and then once the hormones started to reassert themselves. They did, right? Yes. Naturally it happens.

Naturally, I changed again. Yeah, back to being a monster. Yeah, and I remember at one point when I was filled with estrogen, I had little tiny Jody Foster taxi driver tits. I was like, you know what? I think I'm fine with what I've accomplished. I think I don't need to do anything more.

What I need is, I'd like to get a little thatched cottage like Jane Austen would have liked. And I just wanna write kids books. Yeah. And that really was your thought. That was it. I love it. I don't need to get on stage.

I don't need to change the world. I just need to write YA novels in a thatched cottage. Until the testosterone started coming back. How long of a process until the testosterone? Couple of years. Couple of years. Yeah, because they first put me on testosterone therapy like a patch and that changed me.

And then my sex drive started coming back. And then I had to fight the government to get my. How long did you have to fight them for? A few months before. Well, here's what I did. It was very simple. I said to my doctor, I said, I want the government to cover it.

And they said, no, it's cosmetic. And I said, if you don't cover it, I'm gonna go to the press. And I'm gonna accuse the medical establishment of Miss Andree, which is the hatred of males. Which is the opposite of misogyny. I'm gonna say, you are saying that me having breasts is not a big deal.

And when a woman loses her breast to breast cancer, the government pays for them to be reconstructed. I'm a male, I do not want breasts. So I'm, and then I said, you don't want me to make a stink about this. And so I got it. Wow, good for you. Cause I said, no, I don't want tits.

Yeah. I don't want. Yeah, why would you? Good for you. I'm a man. And I think it's very, as a gay man, I think I was much more open about it. Like I think a lot of straight men,

when they kinda come at you, it's called, I think they're ashamed of it. And they might not even talk about it. But I'm like, I don't really have, I'm not really inhibited that way. And I went, no, I don't want this. But it was funny when I got it at Women's College Hospital, which is an all female hospital.

And even they do a lot of breast cancer and stuff. But they had nowhere for men to, like they would do these breast double mastectomies on men. Very, very rare side effect, but I got it. But they had no place for men to change. They had no pamphlets directed towards men. Can I actually think about that? And I said, that's sexism.

Yeah, yeah. That's female sexism. I bet you're empowering some guys out there right now that are listening to you just talking about this. Yes. What is that, is the process like, because it's hard to imagine without knowing about it, is it like, is fat being sucked out?

Is that what it is? Mine were very tiny. So they didn't get very big, but they were ugly. For me, I didn't like it. I felt dysmorphic, I did not like it. What they would do was they take, I didn't have to have my nipples actually cut off. They just went inside and they sucked out the fat

that had deposited there. Then they sewed it back together. And they told me that I would, this is another funny thing my doctor said, you'll lose all sensation in your nipples. And I went, what the fuck? And he goes, for most men, that's not a big deal. I went, you've never seen my nipples.

And then he looked at me and went, oh, that might be a problem. And I said, I don't want to lose sensation in my nipples. I love my nipples. So I did lose all sensation, but they came back. Oh, good. Yeah, and I'm thrilled. And I said, no, my nipples are part of my sex life.

Yeah. There's a purpose for them. And again, like men that don't know, I don't know if you're in touch with your nipples, but men have nipples and an anus. I kind of wish she would play with those too. You need to have a seminar for straight men because it fucked my stoma.

Yeah. Yeah. Fuck my stoma. That's from an old episode of your mom's house. You need to give a seminar to straight guys. All the pleasures for your anus and your nipples. Well, I think he needs to give that lesson to straight guys' wives.

Maybe he needs to start a seminar. Because this is a thing. We were given this beautiful thing, this landscape that's ours. And because of internalized homophobia, men don't take advantage of this beautiful body that we're given because they're afraid of it. It's fascinating to me that homophobia

is so deeply rooted in males that they can't even explore their own bum or their own nipples. Isn't that sad? Well, not this one. He's up his own bum all the time. He's been begging me to eat his scrum for a long time on the show.

I pinched my nips on the reggae. That is a woke man. I know. He's always like, when are you going to eat my scrum? When are you going to put fingers up there? I remember. I remember some of those old-schooled animals I used to hook up with and they would do it

right out of the gate. What are you talking about? Old-school animals. These hussies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those college girls were like... Look at him. He loves you.

Yeah, this was so much fun. Aw, thank you so much for coming. It was great. Let's plug. So the lyrics are going to be, you're going to be there six weeks. Yeah, it's starting in April 2nd. It's starting in April 2nd.

So he's already there because he'll be out then. And that's going to be every... Every Tuesday. It's every Tuesday for six weeks. Yeah, second, the ninth, I guess the 16th, 23rd, and the 29th. The last one isn't on a Tuesday. But it'll be five or six dates, yeah.

That's awesome. And people can find you on social media. Yeah, Scott Thompson, underscore on Twitter. And I'm on Facebook, but I'm barely there anymore. I stopped going at Christmas and I can't go back. Yeah, I don't really go there. I hate it. What about Instagram?

You on the gram? I know, I've had this account, but I don't do anything. You've got to, it's really exciting. I love it. I probably should. I bet I didn't enjoy it. I like pictures.

I like pictures more than words. Me too. I like pictures. I don't like to hear people's thoughts. I know, I do. Well, Twitter has become like a whole wasteland now. Garbage dump for people. And like as a comedian, I don't say boo.

I heard that. They just, people are so uptight. Totally. But this was fascinating, dude. Thank you so much for doing this. We love you so much. Come back again later. I will.

Let's do it. Let's do it. All right, bye guys. Thank you. Thank you. Yes, full audience laughter in this arena, arena, arena. Crank it. Push it.

Yes. I'm wearing prescription frames. You got it. Positive push. Look at me wearing denim. Brave enough to wear denim. You help me. I help you.

I scratch your back. You shave mine. Talented skills. Put the time in. You know, I was in the hangover. Who saw me in the hangover? Two people. Great.

Stay with me positive push. You got it. Yes. Enjoy it. You got it. Me. Brody. Feeling good.

I get it. I'm from LA. Eight one eight till I die. Sometimes I go down the batting cage just to play catch.