Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 498-Sera Gamble & Heath Evans-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: May 8, 2019

HELLO, MOMMIES! We're still reeling from all of the Robert Paul Champagne memes and content you've made for us. It's been overwhelming in all the best ways. Tom and Christina review some of the reaction to RPC coming on the show the last two weeks. Have you ever had a fart bully in your life? Is Emma Stone hot enough to be cast as Ryan Gosling's love interest? The Mommies debate. Next, Josh Potter is on the couch to wet our whistle for our first guest, Sera Gamble. Josh tells some wild stories of cyber stalking and is presented with a proposition by the Main Mommies. After hearing about some cyber stalking tales, Sera Gamble (writer and creator of "YOU") is in studio to give her insight into cyber stalking and how "Joe" in YOU has implemented social media to become a stalker. Sera also gives us some teases about the upcoming season of YOU and the story of getting the show out to the masses. Next, he played for the Seattle Seahawks, New Orleans Saints, Miami Dolphins and The New England Patriots, but more importantly, he played against Tom in High School. It's fullback and broadcaster Heath Evans! Heath and Tom reminisce about their time in high school and the small differences in their athletic career, plus Heath has some great stories from his NFL days about Bill Belichick, Tom Brady and Randy Moss.

Here you go Jeans jeans jeans I am listening to this is a Cuban links by trash beats. Thanks, man Real quick quick update. No, hold on. Hold on. I think there are no tickets left Oh, then why are you talking about I don't know there might be a few singles left May 17th in Riverside, California May 18th. I'm in Las Vegas at the Cosmopolitan and then May 28th Louisville, Kentucky. We add we added that show because the 29th is gone

So you can go ahead try to get tickets the 28th the May 30th. I'm in Indy The 31st st. Louis. You're not even saying that nearly right June 1st I mean it's June 1st. I'm in Detroit at the Fox a few tickets left there and then Chicago June 2nd the Early show is sold out the late show has tickets. That's June Second as of my fourth show in Chicago and from there I go to Richmond, Virginia and there are tickets available for the late show there The rest of the tour is all laid out Tom Segura comm slash tour hop on those tickets now before they're gone

Tom Segura comm slash tour Jean Jean Jackets. Oh by this time May 10th and 11th. I met Tempe Is this already passed in anyway if it hasn't does it? Shit. No, it's not. You're good. All right. Tempe Tempe improv May 31st through June 1st I'm here at Flappers comedy club here in sperm bank. I'm home here now Burbank June 20th or 20 second Washington DC at the DC improv Christina P online I'll be announcing the rest of my year very shortly. It is coming. Also Riverside I have relatives there. Yeah, there's an actual river in Riverside. That's why they call it that That's really interesting and an El Torrito that I used to go to quite a lot

Yeah, El Torrito coming through with all the fun facts today All right, oh, I like I'm very excited about today's show we got a lot going on I We have we basically have two people who reached out to and we just said, you know We're big fans for totally different things and they're both here. It's pretty amazing. It's amazing. It's exciting It's exciting lot to get into all right. Let's start the show a Man who claimed his workmate bullied him by passing wind in his general direction has lost his court case Engineer David Hynx wanted almost two million dollars damages for the flatulence attacks But his case was today thrown out of the court of appeal Jackie's laughing. Mr. Hynx says he'll now go to the high court

Who is Randy don't bring anyone loving to this Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura and Christina Like everybody I Have a project for you this week. Yes, I would like you to take this song and loop it so that the Instrumental part plays out three times longer. Oh my yeah, yeah, let's make the intro like ten minutes. Yeah

Down I mean everything that I'm seeing in the YouTube comment section is asking make it longer Yeah, that's what I've been hearing. No, no, no. Yeah, it's gonna read comments But even like I'm not doing these shows and people go why don't you have a longer in? Well, you know what they ask and they shall receive. Okay. Yeah, is there anything worse? What? You're the only one that likes how long it is everybody people came up to me. I was in nobody likes where was I was in Boston people? Like hey, man. I want to park the car and make your thing long The car oh and Boston. Yeah. Oh gosh. Yeah, I'll talk like that. It was awesome. Awesome. The fucking string dogs tits It was great. What do they call the car the car park? Yeah

They love that I would I would do like ten minutes at the top of my shows like that Oh, not how they sound stupid stuff. No, I'd be like you guys want to hear a funny accent Yeah, and then I go you want park the car And they were they would just fall out of their seats Yeah Um, oh, okay. Yeah, look a lot's happened in our mommy world. Do we want to get into this or what? There's so much to Breakdown, I mean obviously I want to pay my respects to that man that was farted at work that we played in the opening clip

And he sued for two million dollars two millions a bit much scared me because we have insurance But I started to think about you know the people that work here And the fact that you know, I mean here's the thing. I really feel like You know, we're here. We're usually in the separate room We don't like to interact or get too close to our staff, but you know, I mean are you guys Respectful of each other when it comes to your farts and stuff. I mean, I know I try to be like I always Shaking his head. What I don't fart in front of you. I always go into a different room. You do. Yeah. What about Potter Potter I'm not farting in here. Yeah, he's not. No from Fart. No from Potter. No from Fart. What about three dudes in the room?

What about any? Any do you fart? He doesn't fart. I don't ever fart. Yeah, I think he has like a real healthy system I think once again. No he doesn't. He had two pop tarts before we started the show. I saw him eating two sugary pop tarts I think the red flag. I don't know what you're talking about. What were you eating? It was frost of pink. It was actually four He had two before you got here I think the spy that we got to be wary of is Chris again. Yeah Oh, yeah, isn't that other room you think he's reporting to the better business? He had that crazy long pew He did he did he had that crazy I listened to that episode again, and I was amazed that it was Chris dude now looking back

It should have been Josh. I remember it by the way We were wrapped up that episode and Chris was like so can I get that manscape thing? He's out to get it. Yeah, I wonder if he trimmed up or not. Oh, we should do a follow-up with him. Yeah Yeah, yeah, you should make sure we switch as we'll ask him about it. Yeah, I Want to know what happened. Do you really want to know? Yeah, see it dude those His view is marly that long. Yeah Manscape gives us more clippers we could redo the contest and if everything goes right Chris should come in last place, right? Of course, he should at this point. Otherwise. It's like his own kink. He's like I love my long boots

You know was especially never let him go though for a while and you're like shit. This is yeah You know is really gross Relistening to that is that Josh Potter goes I reached down in my taint and he goes I pulled out an extra long one for my taint like he went deep into his stuff God. I know and He's got so much hair. I know I mean, I think I'm hairy, but then Josh You think Josh Potter's hair ranger than you? Oh, he is for sure. Oh for sure And the doves not because you're a ginger Yeah, and is that it considered a PC thing? Can I call you a ginger or is that considered like the n-word to ginger?

Why do you think someone got mad at me? No Pat Keen Pat Keen's being called the ginger He's like it's like the n-word for ginger. I mean, it's all the same letters, but I don't think it's as offensive I I think they don't like it cuz I I Think I said Yeah, I said it to Santino. He got defensive to tell he took it. He took it. Well. Did you say it offensively like what's up? You ginger fuck. Yeah, I didn't say it like hey. Good morning. Ginger is rarely used in a positive. No I said it like you're a fucking ginger. You're nobody He was definitely, you know, he was hurt because his ginger emotions are sensitive

But yeah, I mean, I'm surprised how long the doves were pubes were Even though he's a ginger and they're very fine. They don't grow as long I'm assuming because they're so fine I would pay by the way. Would Josh be down for like a high-end nude shoot photo shoot Josh Yeah, yeah, I'll pay for it Are we trying to recreate that image from the one? Oh my god. No, I want to go more It's great. I want to go more artsy more erotic more artsy. Yeah, okay Are we trying to post this on the Y image studios Insta? I'm willing to do whatever I can make a calendar for him

Oh, that'll be great a Josh Potter calendar. Yeah for Christmas. That would sell out I think so too. Yeah, and like a lot of like, you know, Koi No, coquettish. Yeah, I don't know. I would love to do like he's got a secret in every month Yeah, and then because we're trying by the way, did he find any more? Um, or did he find any more locate like I know he's trying to set up this tour Oh other places where you could possibly come on his tour. Did Josh come to her Josh? I'm Yes, I have

Okay. Well, we need to we need to get it locked down so we can announce it soon because people are asking me Everywhere when you're coming All right We'll get that working. All right. You fucking Greek mutt. Josh comes So can we please get to the matter at hand though? Yes. I'm so excited. I finally wanted to come now We kind of shoot these episodes a little out of order and Last week the tried out guy we interviewed him. It's a butte Tried out the response from you guys was overwhelming. We had people

It's unbelievable. Um saying that this is tantamount to when Obama went on mark maron's podcast Ten times bigger. Yeah. Yeah And people were just beside themselves with joy. Yeah, I was beside I was so excited the next day It was crazy. I couldn't sleep. I was so excited. I feel like that it was Here's the thing like there was the moment where he answered and we actually spoke to him. Oh my god, and then You know, it was like that the moments after that like did that just happen? and then Honestly, you know, we we do these teasers every week. We put um, you know

highlights Of the show up on social media and you know, depending on what it is. There's a there's a Feedback to it. You know, well, we did a teaser the day before on instagram and on twitter and I don't think we've ever had That like people were like what the fuck and it got like 300,000 views like the little instagram teaser and there were

Thousands of comments underneath it like you're not serious Same thing on twitter and I go, oh wow like the the people are really actually Engaged with this and then the the feedback when it came out was nuts And then we actually just to go back we actually had him on again last week little follow-up Which is good Here, right, which is your you know, well, you've now heard that too, but this is our first time really kind of basking in the glow Of and of him and I have to tell you the day

That that episode tried out guy episode dropped. I had a the new york times wrote an article I was I was featured in the new york fucking new york times This is my second new york times article. Yeah elli wong amy schumer myself featured in it That was not as exciting to me As the tried out guy. I know and I'm not even like not even exaggeration. I was all day. I re listened to the episode I fucking talked about him to my therapist. That's how it's like a kid leaked into therapy dude. I was happy for you I was happy for you for new york times. Yeah, and but I was also like, but let's be honest. That's nothing That's not the news of the day

It's not the news of the day not in our world Because I think in the mommy community in our world the tried out guy was everything dude. There were Thousands of comments. There were people commenting and messaging me that I didn't know listen to the show You know Actors and like didn't you say uh, uh, jimmy o yang came in here to do drew Yeah, he was in here yesterday to do drew and that episode will come out in a couple weeks But like drew was like, hey, so do you know who this tried out guy? He's like robert paul champagne

Like immediately knew what he was talking about started quoting off references. It's like he's a he's a fan That's yeah, I had all kinds of people messaging and I actually think there's this um, you know people were writing and posting and This video chris o'neill Um Is a listener posted this and like it best summarize. I think the feeling of us and of so many listeners captured the moment I cannot remember the last time I felt this much joy

over nothing over the podcast getting to hear robert paul Try it out guy. This is the stupid podcast, which I love and listen to every week But going home from work and listening to him call in was Amazing Such a good day. I'm such a

I'm so happy. Yeah, that was it. That's it. That's like the perfect summary of like this is essentially utter and complete nonsense and We're all like it happened So great and then this is what this is the uh Yeah, this is the guy that did that uh that report on burt a couple weeks ago Oh, right So he put together a whole thing. We'll only play a little bit of it, but we'll upload it to the channel. Okay

robert paul is So much more to me than just a poorly lit gay man who lies about not being on drugs to me He's like a father My name is pete melphy. I'm 32 and I'm an outreach pastor for jollo steens lakewood church of god I was brought to the lord by a traumatic experience When I was 27 I went to an empty comedy club to see a little known comedian named brian kramer Who coincidentally turned out to be even more racist than the kramer from sign fell

But his disgusting overt bigotry was only the beginning of The worst night of my life After the show kramer brought me a drink and kramer he must have put 10 to 12 benadryl in it because The next thing I knew I was I was waking up to the comedian masturbating over me on his tour bus This is yeah, this goes on for a while, but we'll upload everything to our youtube channel and he talks about try it out guys Yeah, how much it changes how you know, he ties it back in it's hilarious. It's great funny. It's great production quality, too Yeah, pete did a great job. Yeah, it's real too good for this show. You know what I mean? It's really good. No, it's great, man That's awesome. But back to robert paul champagne's instagram as of now, okay

He started off with what maybe a thousand followers. Yeah, he's up to 14.7 as of this morning. He's doing better than our instagram Now i'm a little disappointed, you know last week we featured his insta stories, which I mean I was a huge fan of He was drinking his piss He was right on his dick a lot showing his dick and I think ever since the fame He's backed off of the insta stories and i'm a little disappointed. He not just stories, but going live So I think if uh, if there's a mission for us this week with regard to robert It is like hey, man Can we can we go live with some stories, please because yeah the stories are where he thrives

That's him on set. You know you want to you want to see him really? Chilling and having fun and talking and and drinking urine Uh showing his boss and making pleas Also, I realize that robert has no idea how to reply to uh a comment on instagram He just comments So then it becomes a game because if you go to his comment like his comments It'll be people saying things and then him commenting in a in succession. Yeah, maybe I don't know

We'll see about that and you have to like do solve A sudoku puzzle and be like oh this goes here and this goes with that So maybe we could tell him to hit reply And then comment, but yeah guys or not walk him through the instagram etiquette And also what I've noticed is so somebody called him lucifer When we were watching him on his insta story and now he's adopted lucifer's layer as his thing But he misspells lair and he spells it Are you like welcome to lucifer's liar and I'm like oh you guys

You know, maybe he's like god christina autocorrect But I do want to commend the mommies on being super kind and thoughtful. I've seen a lot of nice. Yeah. Yeah He's being so nice to him and making him feel special That's ultimately the goal here is to celebrate robert and not you know shit on him. That's true But I do it. She come back to his stories Please come back and do your stories. Let's ask him that it's really pretty. Please go live Go live go to insta live Show us what's up. Take us inside the dungeon

Show us what lucifer does every day lucifer It's a pretty good name. It's like and by the way you watch that you'd be like, yeah, this might be He is Dude I brought him up in therapy. That's how much he affected me like the joy that he brought me I one time told our therapists Our therapists my therapist about things we do on this show and try to show them videos And I just saw him like his eyes kind of dart and he was like

Yeah Like I was like, you know what I mean like how that's funny and he was like you find that funny and I was like Yeah, I know like One time I asked her about non-binary. I shot him the fucking car accident What did he say? He was like I was like, well, you know I tried to explain and he was like, mm-hmm. He was just like, no, I'm just trying to understand you

I was like Well, what did he say did he say you'd like rage or something? No, no, he was basically I you know I think it was something along the lines of Laughing through discomfort like my own discomfort, you know, that makes total I could tell I could tell that he was also like Yeah, I don't find this very Yeah, because I I tried to ask mine about non-binary and stuff and she's like, why are you interested? Why do you want to know and I'm like, I don't know because I'm non-binary Like can you just tell me like what's going on?

Why are these people doing this and she wouldn't give me like a clear answer She's kept wanting to know why I wanted to know I brought it up before and Yeah, he wasn't He uh, I was surprised He he basically was more Uh, bothered by it than I am Really? He's a highly respected he's a highly respected guy in the field too. I was like

I was like, I mean it kind of sounds like, you know It kind of sounds like bullshit And then I was looking at him like, oh, he's about to lecture me or something. You know, I was like, fuck And he was like, mm-hmm And then I was like, I mean, what do you think because sometimes they won't tell you what they think You know what therapists will be like? Well, this is about like it's about you. Yeah And I could tell he was like, yeah Well, I've encountered it a number of times and I go and he goes it's insanity. It's guy. It's insane. I was like, all right

Yeah, I feel like there's definitely a divide in people like there's there's those bus that feel it's a little 90 And then others who are zims either. Yeah, just how it happens to go that way. What's your pronoun? Yeah But we respect all I mean of course and that's why we have a non-binary bathroom here in the studio And we have a non-binary employee. So, yeah, which one? Zims in the other room right now Zims or something So we discovered a new show on netflix Um, is it called together again?

It might be and it takes place in mom's Australia It's on netflix and it's people who Were together at one point and then they get back together again After years of not being a couple And it's so fucking great But there's this woman on there back with the x back with the x. Oh, sorry back with the x. I think that's it. Is that right? No It's on netflix. It's australian anyways

So there it follows like four or five different couples And there's one couple who they had like a two-year fling one guy the guy was in australia She was in the u.s. And they were in their 20s and then now they're both in their 50s They're divorced and he's been thinking about her every day Since they were together in like the late 80s or 90s. Yeah back with the x. This is it. That is it. Okay, and um So they're together and she's go like they both look fantastic But they do tom and i are so uncomfortable with her how she talks because she really likes to Explain her feelings all the time. That's her that's her diane. Yeah, diane god. It's uncomfortable

What but why does it make us so uncomfortable because I know what it is I think it feels sometimes there are people who it's generationally different like yeah my grandparents You know when they were alive if you saw how they interacted or spoke it's It doesn't feel like it is from another era So what do you mean they were more formal? Yes, it's a more formal way of interacting and like they Just talked differently, you know and and it was like and how are you and like this is to your to your spouse

Well, you know to like to the grandkids like i'm fine today and that's very nice You know, it's a very pleasant day and like she kind of has that Yeah, that way of being like I was just taken By all these And it's fun to get to know him and I think in today's world where People can be you know, we're like and a lot of people are so honest with each other Right and they drop all the pretense and just like hey, here's who I am that reads Foreign and inauthentic and the irony is that it's

It's it's an australian show and she's the american who feels Foreign as shit to us because yeah of how she talks well I love the australians because they're like you said they're they're very informal and they're they love to keep it real And they're always like what's the phrase they always they're like, uh, I can't remember I like how they speak to each other. They go. It's shrimp on the bobby. Oh my good. I And um, but I like how they're they're just they keep it level. Yeah, okay. Here's what I don't like is when um When she would give him updates on how she was feeling like during the date For instance, like she'll be like

You know, peter I am really enjoying this process right now Of just getting to know you and I'm so uncomfortable and she's like she goes She's like and I'm looking into your eyes right now and I see your feelings and I feel that you're here and I'm like Oh my god, it's making my skin crawl. Well, that's the thing though is that it doesn't feel like It it feels like it's from 50 years ago. That's how I read it. You know, it's like that's how Somebody would go on a date Uh in the 1950s, you know, I read it. My dad gave me that advice one time. I was like, I go, yeah I uh, you know, I like this girl. He was like, you know what I would do. Oh god

And I go, what? He's like, I would call her up and I would say, you know, I think you're a nice gal And I'd like to take you out sometime maybe dancing or something Oh my god, and I was like, I just looked at him. I was like, you mean to fucking say that He was like, well say it how you would say it. But you know, that's what I would do. I was like This is really cool dating advice from my dad. No, remember the bank teller. Oh my god He goes, it's it's a really nice dress you're wearing and if she wears that dress again You know, she likes you. It's all about getting the conversation going buddy

If you like a girl just like do you prefer sweetener or splendor? That was his icebreaker No, he goes what what what do you talk about to the girl? Do you prefer sweetener or splendor? And then if she's like what then you go, yeah, they're different What do you like? And I'm thinking she'd be like, I don't know fucking sweetener, but see you got the conversation going That's what you need Yeah, I love it. I love it. I mean that's that is a different era, you know There's what I'm saying is you're not going to see it like a 24 year old girl is not going to act like no

The difference is that that woman's 50. She looks great. Like she looks fantastic. She looks 50. She acts 80 That's what's going on. Can I say no, I think what bothers me is that she talks like she's from the self-help era I think that's what makes me want to vomit is the whole I hear what you're saying and I'm going to mirror that back to you. Yeah, maybe she works in that field She might yeah, she talks like my therapist. Maybe that's why by the way all these like super romantic dates And it took like five of them before like before they actually kissed like hands were on thighs They're like feeding strawberries. Oh, I hate when people feed strawberries to each other. It's super weird. Oh, it's so uncomfortable But it's like even on that. She was like, what a great time I'm having

With you and they're drinking champagne and I'm like, are they is he still not fingering her or anything like Then I know finally like on the fifth date of all this touching and then she was like By the way, I hate watching people. I hate watching people tongue kiss even on pornos. I'm like, don't kiss her. I know she's a slut I know wait, what was I gonna fucking say? Oh, fuck. I had a good point too. God damn Oh, oh, oh, like here's my big beef with that love affair Okay, some of the exes they've only been apart for like four years. You're like, that's not too long of a time Yeah, dude, they haven't boned in 20 years

My thinking is I do not want to bang the dude. I banged when I was like 25 and smoking and now I'm like 42 the mother of two my body's a garbage dump. Like do you really want the Person you banged in your in your best era seeing you again. But here's the thing though and they they aged with you That's the whole thing. You know, I mean, I guess I didn't think about like they're old and shitty. They're the same I mean, they're not embarrassed to be old and shit. Well, I'm saying usually if you're you know Aging along with the person you're not gonna be like, how come I'm still 24 and hot like you're also 40 Yeah, so it's like so you're both ugly and old. Yeah or the same amount

The same amount but the of course those two the two oldest ones are in amazing. They look so everybody. Yeah, they all look great They look great Anyways, that was that's smart by the way, I'm I'm happy about that from a production standpoint Just you know, put good-looking people on shows always. Yeah We're all here trying to aspire to be better. I want to be entertained Yeah, and I tell you what really bothers me now about this. Everyone is beautiful horseshit Oh my god It fucking kills me because like I was on the Levi's website see that shit looking for disabled people everywhere

Oh my god people with skin problems And and and little people for christ sake I don't want to buy the outfit because the whole point is it's an illusion when I wear that outfit I feel like a model. I know I want to see blue eyes. I want to see But I will say I was on the Levi's website looking for jeans And they have all these fucking fat models on there and I go, you know what? But when I wear the jeans, I want to look skinny and cute. I don't want to look like a fat person That's what I'm trying to fucking camouflage. That's the thing is don't show me the fat model

The illusion you're trying to have when you shop online is that you see someone who looks awesome wearing it That's the point and then you go. I want to look like that Yes, that's the fucking point in your mind. You're the model. You're not your fat self the model to look like Look, hold on. Where is she? Yeah, scroll down. They have fat models on this fucking Levi's page and it was such a bummer You know not that look see do you want to buy those fucking fat jeans? No, I bet I bet those have lower sales Of course, you know, nobody wants to admit they love because they're plus size though. So they have to that those are plus size Yeah, I know, but I don't want to see it. You just make it look different Put it on the different page. Don't put it on by the way. He's farming me out. Have you seen Burt?

Yeah, he looks terrible. He's an Amsterdam and his insta stories his face is bloating. He even made an insta story He's like, I know tom's looking at this right now. I'm going like, oh, you look like shit. I look from far He looks worn out terrible and uh, yeah, he's been partying partying non-stop Um, look at him. Oh my god. Oh my god. You know, he uh It looks like garbage. Look at him talking Well, his eyes are swollen shut from sodium intake and the alcohol and no, he's gonna be by the way I think, you know, this is like this big tour for him It's gonna end with a kidney transplant. You know

He's gonna have to make all this money to pay for the kidney a dialysis and He's gonna have to a fucking nurse that accompanies him on the road Dialysis machine on the bus. Oh my god. Yeah It's just uh Yeah, he looks terrible Sober october couldn't come any fucking sooner Is he missing teeth too? It looks like well, they're different colors, but I don't know if he's actually This was uh always had different colored teeth like candy corn. Yeah, it is like one of those. That's him

Oh my god. Oh my god. That's an that's a few days ago You know when people like saw that picture they're like, they're like, did you guys do a workout contest? Like yeah a few months ago Oh my god. God damn, dude. That's bad. I showed that picture to ellis today He was like he drinks too much water and I go no Not water. It's vodka. He just looked at me like I don't know that word And I go he eats a lot of cookies. He goes. Yeah, too many Yep, he eats too many cookies, buddy. We've been would you want to play this?

What's that bird? You know, bird creature Can you say bird is fat? It's my son melas and bird is fat Yeah, teach him early. Yep. That's our son. I hope he meets him and he just goes like cookies and too much water Birds like, how'd you know that? Anyway, speaking of attractive people so as you know, I'm a huge Ryan Gosling fan Yeah, and I was watching that movie crazy stupid love

And it occurred to me That Emma stone who's a fantastic actress no no disrespect to Emma stone. Who's a talent and beautiful. Yeah I kind of i'm feeling that Ryan Gosling is so effing hot And then Emma stone is like not up to his level of hotness. Are you serious right now? Yes, I am. This is this is the point you're making Yes, I just think that his Look look look at one look at the other

One of them is hotter than the other wait. He's a 10 and it's just I gotta disagree with you so much though Are you kidding me? No, because I'm looking at this photo right now and I if you tell your like if you go like that's not a famous guy That's just a guy. I I don't think you go like Holy shit. That's a fucking good looking guy. It's not a good photo. Okay. Have you seen drive? It's a very sexy movie He's a great actor and he's a good looking guy. I don't think that he's like You know shit your pants. Oh my god, though Well, so you're saying that you think they're a good match

I'm saying I think that dude if you if he wasn't a celebrity movie star Wow, you wouldn't freak out about how hot you think he is. I disagree really you think if I've seen his abs There's a there's a scene where he takes his shirt off the guy look and there's and she goes. Oh my god Look, it's like your photo shop. I mean the guy is fucking flawless. Okay. I just say I'm looking at his face Google Ryan Gosling shirtless. Oh wait. You're looking at his guy. Look at the whole package You got to see the whole deal man. This guy, but we're looking at faces right now. All right I'm going for a whole pack. Look at this fucking guy. He looks normal. That's an average normal This guy's an average body. What are you talking about?

That looks like a regular guy. This guy's a fucking stunning human. What and they pair him up with this As you it looks like every other guy this pound puppy. I mean look it next to him. She looks like a fucking Pound what do you call the dog pound? You call my friends the dog pound your friends are the dog pound You your friends with the rescue society This is not that I'm sorry. Are you kidding me? If she walked into your friend group I'd start making you guys fucking breakfast lunch and dinner Do they come over to the house?

But doesn't she's a ginger? No disrespect to the ginger. He's not why would you feel disrespected? All she said today is like no disrespect. These people are gross. I don't like to look at them I didn't say these. I said Emma and again, no disrespect. She's beautiful. She's beyond. She is very beautiful She's very talented. However next to Ryan Gosling. She's a you know She's a fucking bull the kibble. I gotta say she is not hot enough. I'm just gonna go out here and say it I think he's very average. Wow So who do you think is a top shelf leading man? You saw him fucking shirtless there. Okay. I thought he looked normal shirtless

Wow, you think Jonah Hill look she's opposite this fucking fat Jonah Hill with his bitch tits look That's the other I Jonah how he annoys me to know when they always pair him with like hot chicks They put Seth Rogen with Charlize Theron in this latest movie. I can't even fucking believe. No, that's ridiculous. It's such a double standard I mean, I mean, I think he looks like a normal guy. This guy Gosling. Okay, I think he looks fine. I think Yeah, I don't know. I bet she's Okay, native Potter

Any what are we thinking in the way you guys think if Emma stone is hot? Yeah hot enough to be opposite Ryan Gosling. Yes She's gorgeous. What about any? I don't know any See Potter I mean, I'm not she's not like your favorite But are you like she doesn't deserve to be in this doesn't seem to be opposite Ryan Gosling No, yeah, I mean I think compared to Ryan Gosling. I think it works. Wow. That doesn't sound right Because he looks like potters on my side potter chime in here, please

I think she looks like the shrimp from the Muppets Shrimp from the Muppets Fucking google that shit dude. That's an obscure reference that I love Man He's not a shrimp from the Pepe the king prawn. That's his name. Emma. I think you're beautiful. She's beautiful. Listen. I'm not I would go to scrum town with you You can't you know, I'm just saying look at in real life This Ryan Gosling is hooked up with Eva Mendes. Yeah, who's that that's she's a smoke. That's the smoke show

I would put it Every she's fucking stunning. That's who bangs Ryan Gosling. They have two children together Can you imagine how hot their kids are gonna be? Yeah, that's who's fucking Ryan Gosling. Do you see what I'm saying? She's no Emma stone. I don't understand. Yeah, see look at those two. God damn now. That's a beautiful couple Yeah, he looks better looking right there in that photo But I still think he looks like he works at a fucking like jamba juice unbelievable You know un He's talented. He's handsome. He's very talented saying he can dance. He's handsome

Like for a regular guy. Oh my god. He just looks like have you seen the notebook Torah? No, we gotta watch the notebook I don't want to see that shit It's every guy loves a notebook Your what? No I watch that shit on a loop when you're out of town Do you I love it Yeah, she's gorgeous. Oh, I would pee in her butt. I gotta tell you Pee in her butt. I would you're so dumb. She she

Speaks to me. Emma Mendes. Where is she from? She's lying. She's your tribe. She is a latin. Is she Peruvian? Is she something like that? She might be your sausage look up her, uh Our nationality I feel like she Baby shark But She's a cuban american. She's cubano cuban american. She's 45 and he's 38. She looks amazed. She does. Yeah Yeah, that'd be the kind of thing. I'd be like, oh you're you have latin parents Me too and then she'd be like, okay. You sound like your dad with his pickup. I know dear dear dad

Well, somebody was just telling me that they're they're like that they they met somebody who was of their Like uh, somebody they were like, you know, they're german. Yeah, they're meeting a well-known german person And they were like, oh, you know, uh, my parents are german too and we immigrated like you and he was like that's cool That's how yeah, so disappointing They were hoping to connect on that and then they were like, okay I've done that so many times with hungarians like I'm I'm and then they're like, oh, yeah good for you Yeah, I'm like, all right. I'm not even gonna find just trying to be friends. Who cares just trying to be friends um

Let's see here. Do you want a fart for fart fart harder than you're doing? I'm looking up something. Okay. We're all set. I wanted to make sure the announcement was cool to make So we have because mother days mother's day is coming. I know. What are you planning for? Well, I'm planning big things for you. I just wanted to say for our fans of the show We have a super big fat sale um Use the promo code mom starting may 9th At midnight goes through may 12th at 11 30 p.m. We restocked a bunch of items. There's signed

Posters from my last few tours. So like the the private jet one There's new items like the waterchamp socks. They just restocked the waterchamp bottle. They did. It's the third time people love the waterchamp bottle There's the new bike stuff There's the um, don't prolapse your anus. Oh the dr. Drew's bunch of stuff So and there's going to be even more items by the time This airs on that are not on there now merch method.com Slash tom segura has all of our stuff Again, there'll be new items by the time you hear this and everything will be 20 off in the store. Happy mother's day

Use that promo code mom at check out speaking of those shows Don't forget that on our youtube channel every week. We put up dr. Drew's show dr. Drew after dark that video drops on fridays at noon, I believe correct and then Uh, the great sickle cell ryan sickler show the honeydew That drops on tuesdays. Yep, uh, audio drops mondays and video Tuesdays at noon I just did one with him a couple weeks ago. Yeah, that was a great episode Where I told incredibly embarrassing stories many of them. I actually completely turned Red blush. There was yeah. Yeah, but it was really fun because he's doing it with like a a good friend

We had a lot of laughs so check it out the honeydew Every week monday audio Tuesday video and dr. Drew's show Audio thursday video friday at noon on your mom's house podcast youtube channel Your mom's house will be right back It's always a good time always fun to welcome a friend A staff member writer producer a writer choreographer Um a very hilarious stand-up comedian who we are fortunate enough to have here

You know him as the guy who can never come It's josh potter Sup sup sup Yep, yep, how are you? How are you? I'm great. I miss me. I'm right over there I know, but we don't get to see on the couch. I know I like miss the couch too And I thought today because we're gonna talk to sarah gamble from you Yeah, a little bit which I love by the way psych so great so great and I watched it, of course Uh, and I had

Different feelings about it as it progressed, you know because in the beginning He does things that everybody does I mean you guys what was it like in olden times to date Did you have to like send a raven to tell a girl like dearest christina We should have by the way just hit me now. We should have called julian be like have you watched you? That could have been your life. It was like a less intelligent you it is julia. Yeah, it was yeah Because he was just like i'm just gonna go right on the phone and do it. No joe is no Yeah, he had no no tact at all. No, uh game plan. This is the kind of guy you get and

Crown olden. No, you're right. You know, you had to call me. Yeah, I actually had to call and voice call Talk did you have to talk to her dad? No, I didn't talk to her dad, but I do remember I do remember going over there after we were dating for a while, but yeah, there was just different thing I mean we basically we just missed the window on I mean online dating had started, but it wasn't like now Only freaks were doing yeah, it was freaks. Yeah, it was real fucking sad You had to be it was like for people that like to be pissed on and beat on Yeah, or just like like people who have

Zero capacity to say hi to someone, you know, I mean people like Oh my god, I write code during the day They could fucking that's interesting that you think that because Do you look at it now that everybody's doing it that it's taking away that ability to uh, probably yeah It's like how nobody can navigate, you know, how to walk three blocks Yeah, just like how do I I gotta put the address and like no you could go They make a left and they're like whoa, whoa, whoa, you know, I gotta because I was watching joe And I was like seeing when you meet a girl that you're like, oh my god. Look at her

You definitely I mean at least I do. I don't know. Maybe I'm gonna out myself as a terrible person here but I definitely would be like And then go on the computer and do some Investigations. Yeah, and see what they're all of course. I would if I had the google whatever back in the day I would have looked at all your weird stuff on twitter All the things that make you laugh and be like this guy's red flag city and then I would not have dated you We probably wouldn't have right no way interesting. So if you'd have seen what makes me laugh, you'd have been oh my god This guy's a degenerate. Yeah. Yeah, but you're not like out there on social media the way some people are

That's true that you go. Oh, I don't know if I could tolerate this person What's the red flag to you for dating like when like if I want to keep it going No, I'm saying like if you were like, oh, this is like I'm interested in this girl Then you go there and you're like, I don't know if I could handle this like what is it? Oh, man It's the uh speaking to their phone constantly in the stories where you look and it's like So today they're just in their car with their seatbelt. I'm like so today I'm going to the store and like the store is so freaking lame right and like that kind of shit It's like, I don't know if I could tolerate

Because you're gonna have to like sit next to her and she's like what I'm just doing a story Yeah, you're like, all right any time I try to do one and I know we're in like comedy and stuff And we have to do them once in a while and I'll do one and I just I'm like, where do I do it? I know I'm like, there's people over there. I can't do it here because they're gonna see me I'm gonna look like a psycho like I don't I don't understand that at all but in you I thought it was interesting how he did all that recon I go. Yeah, that's what that's what everyone does And then he kind of you know escalated it obviously a bit a little bit just a smidge, you know

But I thought I would bring up Some real life cyber stalking cases that don't necessarily have the happy ending that you had Yeah, the romance part give it to me, man. Yeah the part where he like gets away with all of it Yeah, I love these ones. They're kind of like sad. So I thought the first one The stalker like goes to jail. Where's the girl? Um Um I had I'll start out with one where it's kind of crazy because um, this guy was a cop And his and his ex-girlfriend decided I don't want to be with you anymore. So he decided to try and ruin her life

By sending her thousands of texts and emails Trying to goad her into suicide Oh my god. Yeah, and could you imagine like a cop doing that? How are you supposed to I don't know when I think of a cop. I think of like Not barney fife, but you know like kind of like a Upstanding guy, you know, he's gonna help you out in this case the cop is like doing all these Dirty things on the side and when she made this made like authorities aware of him He goes no, no, no, you're looking for the wrong person. You should be looking for this katie smith

or no katie jones, excuse me and uh What katie jones was was like A alibi for him. He created a whole different person to send himself emails Saying brilliant. Yes. So like real detective work going on. So they had to actually Do the re like figure out whether what was going on. Yeah, like he even took Pictures of his own home and stuff and saying like no this same person's after me Watch. Wow. Yeah, so he did all this stuff. It just it's so elaborate. There's a cool guy Yeah

It's so elaborate. It makes you wonder like how much detective work was he doing? Well, that actually is a degree of joe from you, you know, yeah Because he was doing elaborate things to cover his tracks, right, right and uh, I respect the scott man He ended up getting caught. So he's not as cool as jones. That's too bad. Yeah, he's kind of But I really salute his effort, you know, right and you know, what's crazy even still is he Ended up going to jail and in court was his now live-in girlfriend the new girlfriend Yeah, that means he has one Oh standing by his side. They always do. How long was he sentenced for?

I think three years, but it's one of those like you could get out sooner kind of things And the judge asked him like when do you what do you plan on doing when you get out? And he's like, I'll be with my live my girlfriend who I live with And the judge goes you should run for your life. Wow to the girl. Yeah Wow It was in the news article and everything. Wow. Where was this guy a cop? In uh, he was an arondacoit Uh police officer this upstate new york shit, uh by rochester there elementary

That's where we say that. Yeah Amongst a couple of other things. I've been getting so much support by the way for the way that I say that word There's no way who's supporting you. It's the entire upstate new york, uh area Those retards don't know how to say it. That's it. Whoa I think you mean retards Hey Now christina go ahead has there ever been an x of tom's Where you were like fuck this bitch and you wanted to like

Ruin her life anybody who's ever mentioned though. She's just like what fucking whore is that? Always well, there's one x I won't say who it is that I do bring up as a joke constantly and be like This could have been your life had you stayed with oh, so you go to her social media and say like no look what poor You could have been involved No, I do I never go to her social. I never go to her social interesting. Okay. No, which do you never have an inkling? You never have like a no Oh, I do I do and I asked him to look for her for me on facebook the other day

And he did and we both looked at it together, but I would not search her out What about when you go on like a mom-cation together and you're like you're in the lap of luxury Do you ever just want to like tag that bitch and be like see what's up? No, I think I've won like I think we've been you don't want to show it to her that you want you don't want to prove her She knows no, I think I know oh, she knows already. Okay She also does this thing where if I'm like, oh, yeah, and that's when I went out with so and so You know in in whatever this city she's like, oh, is this one of those fucking whores you were with? Yeah, yeah, well, maybe yeah, this woman will be an inspiration for us here

Well, there is one slut that I would want to make sure that really yeah the african slut that you talk about Tunisia that it's in his act even she's dead though, right for sure. She's dead. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She was a fucking drug addict Yeah, she's dead. That's the one. I think he still carries a torch So what? She was so nasty Well, do you know her? So nasty, do you know where valuzia county is in florida? Yeah, you ever been? No, but yeah, I know it's a real cool area with cool people this while this chick is super dope

She's ride or die to the end her name is carolin rico aspina. I don't know that's latina. It sounds like it something in there So basically she was with a fella who she loved You know and this guy had an ex-girlfriend who was all up on the gram She was like a workout model. She had thousands of followers. Oh, fuck her. She's russian, you know Nice. I'm saying check check check, right? This is the ex-girlfriend. I'm in love. Keep going. So carolin She wants to make it known that she's with Yeah, yeah, not get your russian ass out of you svetlana So she goes to the gram or to facebook or all of them really she just starts peppering this poor woman

Being like saying things like I hope you die a slow death. Oh I hope your family watches I hope your mother watches when we burn both of you together Oh my stars or should I show up to your grandfathers in tampa? Fuck So this This woman the ex she's got thousands of followers on there. She's looking hot, you know in her yoga pants and ship Yeah, dude, this woman goes further. She says I will bury you alive and let cancer eat your entire family. Oh

That's something, huh? How do you like cancer do that now? Can you get in trouble for doing this? Ah, yeah This is the part well actually up until this point. It's just harassment. Yeah, just your run of the mill harassment Now we're threatening death, right? You're threatening. Yeah, that's kind of gray area when you start doing that I know in california. It's kind of serious, but florida's like whatever florida's like, yeah, did she do it? No, okay, so But here's where it gets sticky and this is where she got into trouble. She also says, uh, she threatens this way too She goes, uh Thought I'd never do it, huh? And this is about leaking the woman's nudes to the internet She goes thought I'd never do it, huh? You rush in blank. What do you think she said there?

Cunt, that's what I'm gonna. That's what I don't know. It's blank. I thought we could theorize on her Slut cunt. Slut cunt. Yeah, then she says how about your naked photos with your hairy blank on them? Oh What's hairy or hairy with your hairy toes? Maybe Your bunghole you think bunghole? No, it's probably your cunt or pussy. Yeah, yeah, but pussy's ours You know they're supposed to be hairy. That's true, but maybe she's like I she's letting me know Yeah, she's letting her know I've seen your pussy this poor woman This poor woman this woman who's very insecure clearly. Yeah, you know seeing all of these things you think

She probably has a smooth pussy and she's like gotta find any little point she can get on there She's like, ah that's fucking hairy pussy. Yeah, so what are tits are nicer than right, right? Yeah, florida likes a lot of shit. I I threatened a guy's life in florida and uh Wasn't as bad as you think. What are you talking about? That's just how you say hello in florida. Yeah, right? What happened on a phone call and then the sheriff he had the sheriff there at the Where he worked I told him I was gonna kill him and cool. Is there a reason or yeah? He was disrespectful another coffee order. He was disrespectful. Let's just say that Disrespectful and I told him he was gonna he was gonna pay a price for for it

Is that the only time you've threatened someone's life? Yeah, out in outward like conversation. No, okay But this is one that like the wheels were moving You're gonna kill somebody Not keep him away from florida. Oh, I know I feel like it's part of it's like When you're in florida your blood, it's like we're here, you know, it's like you turn It's like venom or something like that superhero, you know You're in the zone and it's like now he's gonna turn into his full werewolf, right like here's who you really are Yeah, yeah

So, yeah, these are that woman went to jail That's too bad. Yeah. Yeah for a for quite a long time for considering this but yeah So, I mean maybe now if you come across africa woman on instagram, maybe you avoid all of yeah I wouldn't get involved with her. I wouldn't know And by the way, she's probably out of her fucking mind. Why don't I even know her name? What's her? I don't know her name. You tell me off mic and I'm gonna fucking find you do not want a piece of this I'm telling you that she is an a volatile unpredictable Very, you know

Just a wild individual that you don't want any part of oh my god. You think I can't take that bitch on This bitch travels africa alone looking for heroin like no, you're oh my god And you had unprotected sex with multiple times Oh my god What if you have a love child running around after I very well could yeah, man. Yeah, he definitely killed people. Yeah Now I get with this one of the reasons I wanted to do this. You you are booking your tour, right? You are good Yes, I'm uh, hey venues Answer the phones and uh respond to meet your boy here. Email me back and stuff. What's up?

So we're trying to book this hammer in the south, but there's another reason we wanted you to come on the couch today What's that? Well, we have to tell you Both okay some good news both and some bad news Which do you want to hear first? I always love the bad news first. You do right? I knew All right, here's the bad news. Oh boy We need you To get on a plane And go hang out with robert paul champagne for a minute. I thought we discussed this

We did and we had to meet again and and it's a it's a necessity. Okay. It's kind of gonna happen Okay, we discussed it. I mean sure. Okay, so I don't have to bring him back here, right? No, no, okay See, that's but like, you know hang out few days Like have a couple meals. Yeah get to know I have to stay at his apartment. It would be better if you did Yeah Do I have a safe house that I can like escape to if shit gets real? What works on that? Well, how about we book you 23 96?

Apartment 3c Hey, we could put my just submit my tax form and we could maybe get me that legitimately that you know So excited about this But we want you to really get inside of his head and form a bond and be really good friends with him Find out what makes him tick find out what turns on yeah, and when there's also here's the thing There's things we need to give him and I do not trust his package retrieving Abilities. No for sure. I can make a delivery. Yeah, so and I'm thinking it's been a while since I've been in the big apple I think what would be fun too is you go you come bearing gifts

Something tells me that maybe a second person should accompany you All right He might be more interested in that second person depending on like, you know, what type of person you're gonna say I don't feel completely sure about sending you solo. Yeah, I don't know But I don't think he's I'm not scared of him to be honest. Okay. I don't think so, but I think it's best Yeah, I feel like if you send okay, let's say you send like a security guy with me. Yeah, somebody spit fallen You know, yeah, what does you know typically a security guy? We all have an image in our heads right now Yeah, what that would look like. I think you'd be more interested in the security guy than me. That's true

It's true. I'm just there's just a minute because there's a guy in the works of my mall He doesn't have any legs. Is that the guy you're talking about? I don't know just your typical door guy, you know, yeah, maybe he's a a guy who's He maybe likes to Could be up roberts now. Here's the thing though. I don't want just want to report. I need recording Oh, so I need audio. I'd like video, you know, you think I'm just gonna spend time in there without something rolling But then like, you know, you got to let us know like how good of a cook is he what's his Like, you know, I mean like a full we definitely have to do a full cribs on him. Yeah, what's his day?

Like his fridge. So after this let's sit together. Let's figure out a schedule That's the bad. That's the bad news. Okay. That sounds pretty good. But what's the good? Wow, you're really gonna be happy The good news is if the u.s. State Department allows you yes To get a passport i'm inviting you to do the european tour with me. That is big deal I think I can go to everywhere but canada. Okay, what? Yeah Okay Can I may I ask

What happened in canada honestly the truth is I have an alcohol related arrest in my youth and canada is Pretty big. Oh, they are that's correct. Yes. Okay. Sorry, but you think the other country will let you know I have I've had a passport that just recently expired. So I just gonna get that bitch renewed and we're all set Okay, go get it renewed and then Don't make sure that we're gonna be like Burt We're gonna go everywhere man. Yeah, well, yeah, we're gonna go. I just mean am I gonna get fat Of course, you're gonna get fat. Hell. Yeah, and and all these european hoes can try to make you Fuck that's true. They don't know remember. Isn't that the whole thing christina where they're like, they only know yes

Yeah, dude, you're foreign people This challenge is gonna see another level. I think yeah, you're probably gonna be like, oh, you mean, you know Yeah, because we'll be in paris. You'll be like, maybe it's one of those girls, but I bet it's gonna be one of these irish girls Oh, exactly. Oh, yeah those two. Yeah, genis down your throat And she's like you're gonna come at me now and then you're gonna be like, this is it. This is what I needed That's where they say cunt like as affectionate Fuck my cunt cunt, you know that kind of thing. Yeah, you're gonna get international p us as well. Oh my goodness I went full reports every morning. What if I can only come in europe? That would be great. That's where you need to move

Have now. Have you been overseas? I have yes. I've I ran away to europe for a moment. You did. Yeah, it was fun Where'd you go? I went to amsterdam. I went to spain. I went to france all over the place I just ran around morocco. Jesus. How long ago was that? That was in 2008 Was that before your arrest or after? Way after way after. Okay. So you were able to oh, no actually it was before Oh, so that's why I need you to verify you can definitely do this But I've been to london and uh, I've been to amsterdam since then since then. Yeah, okay How exciting you two are gonna have such a great time together. We'll have a lot of fun

And i'm excited for you to make josh internationally come. Yeah. Oh my god. It's It's this is gonna be crazy. Oh my gosh. So, you know, it's in october. We'll have fun. Yeah, late october over the november I'm so happy for you. So when do I go talk to robber? Champagne way before then We'll we'll meet after this. I hope I don't die. We'll meet before this We'll meet after this and we'll figure out a schedule. Okay, cool. But uh, robert There's gonna be a guy coming over and I hope you're excited two three nine five

Wagner houses apartment to see 124 first avenue east harlem Do the cross streets. I did 124 and first avenue east harlem first avenue seven one eight nine three oh nine seven two three Don't tidy up robert I want to see it all. Oh, I think you're really gonna piss them off with that one. Okay, do this YMH will be right back I am so excited because this rarely happens. I'm excited to yeah You get you nerd out on something and you reach out to somebody who is responsible For your enthusiasm and entertainment and we were able to make it happen

So sitting with us now executive producer writer of the hit series You is sarah gamble. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you for having me. Thank you for inviting me I want to tell people right away that if they're uh, they haven't watched season one Look, we're there's gonna be spoiled. There's a spoiler alert. Yeah press pause Go watch it come back because it's only 10 episodes. Yeah, it's it's but I mean and you can rip through it like I did Everybody but everybody has been ripping through it and my husband who's very fennec about what he likes Was emphatic that I watch it and I and of course I was on the road in a hotel room and just like What's happening next? It was so everybody's like that with this show. Let's start. Let's start here because there's so much to talk about

It's such a such a great series There's different people stories about how it came about. Can you give us? Yes, like tells the origin of how this actually started it started with a book A woman named caroline cabinet if you matter, she's the sweetest woman She seems like light and filled with joy and she wrote this book that's inside this guy's head From page one. He is it's entirely inside his head Back walks in on the first page and he's like this is why you're wearing those bracelets This is why you're wearing that loose sweater. Let me let me Sherlock Holmes the shit out of you

I um Greg Burlanti who is sort of a mega super producer I've known him for a few years and he sent it to me and he said I just read this book. I'm not going to say too much I'm really addicted to it. I'm sending it to my friends. They're binging it like a tv show When you read it, maybe you'll get it call me if you get it. You'll also if you get it You'll get why I can't write it myself And the short form of that is like you kind of need a girl in the mix He was like, I'm not going to write a show by myself About stalking a woman. I think I need to write that with a woman, which I respect a lot. Um, so I within 30 or 40 pages

I was like, I totally got it. I called him. I was really excited. It felt like a really special book So we I'll tell you a little story about how we went to sell it because you know when you're when you're selling a tv show You um, you go around and you pitch to executives at the different networks What we did with the help of our assistants was lightly stalk one person in each room Wow brilliant Nothing you can't find on whatever social media or interviews or websites are out there So you knew like we're gonna pitch to this team of these four executives going to hbo

Let's pick like the you know Maybe the second in command at hbo who might be in there, you know, whatever that is all at all of the place So I was like, this is either gonna work or I'm never gonna work again Right or that person's not gonna be in the meeting that day That didn't happen though, you know, we get a list of who's gonna be there. Okay. Um, this was I mean I credit and blame greg for this brilliant idea Um, but we the point we were trying to make is that you don't really have to be mr. Robot to stalk someone Get a lot of really specific information about what they get their hair done. How did your kids go to soccer?

What was your choice for like bringing this out in the like, how did you do it in the pitch? What'd you do? You know greg is a really nice guy very warm He's pitching to you maybe his show, but you feel like you're just having a conversation with him He's delightful and he'd be like, you know and the thing about joe is that he's he's just like me or you He doesn't have any special skills and just the same way that I and then he'd like just pick up a piece of paper He'd be like no that you go to the dry barn and see you know at sunday on 10 at 10 a.m Usually for your blowout and that your kids go to this summer camp and that they you know went to the taylor swift concert last season and the tickets were vip and like

Everyone's eyes just got huge, but it proved to the point that privacy privacy is dead You don't actually even really need to be active yourself on social media You know humans who are active on social media and if somebody really wants to they can they can do A lot and you know, luckily I think that most people are less unhinged than joe But that was one thing we so we went around we sold it. That's what we did. Okay, so now Amazing pitch idea You get the show is Initially as far as I understand

Produced by lifetime. Is that right? So we sold it. So we sold it to showtime to showtime the lovely folks at showtime We wrote a few drafts. We spent Probably a year in development at showtime and and we just had a difference of opinion about the direction of the show and they were very um friendly about it and we sort of parted friends and then With that finished script Lifetime picked it up straight to series now. Is that them didn't show did showtime have the rights to it because they developed it with you Or how does that work? It works a little differently every time

I think a common way that these things work is that you work with a studio and then the studio You know, essentially the studio is selling or renting it to the network and that work is kind of the buyer So you have your studio and they they try to get the best terms that they can to protect the project in the event That you have to take it somewhere else, especially in this day and age A lot of things are enjoying second and third and fourth lives Right because they're I think probably in the time that this podcast will happen Some new version of hulu will be born, right? Yeah, we'll hear about it in the trades next week. So Um, it behooves the studio to protect itself when it can right and in this case, you know

I mean, it's kind of above my pay grade exactly how they make that work. I'm not really in the the legal I mean, I read contracts when they send them to me, right? I'm not the expert in that But basically, yeah, we're a year in development at show time You guys part ways in a nice way and then you go, okay, uh life lifetime says hey, we'd like to make it Um, so then it's like this is this is where it's gonna live, right? Is that that's and but that's it Obviously, you're like, this is where the show is gonna live I mean netflix were our international partners from the beginning. We were it was a co-production with them But the first airing in the united states lifetime so it was a lifetime show which I found subversively wonderful because it's about

You know gender dynamics and stalking and it's turning and everyone at lifetime was in on that sort of Quote-unquote joke, you know of that that was sort of in on the tone of it from the beginning and really embraced it It was kind of a departure for them. It was a risk So you did you know from the get-go that it would have its window at netflix? That's an understood thing Yeah, we we knew that after it aired on lifetime. It would air on netflix What happened internationally it would premiere as a netflix original. That's what okay. Okay. Yeah But I mean when it's when it's airing on like I never knew about it on lifetime the obviously there's no much that much lifetime I don't watch that much life. I mean, there's also so much content, right? There's so many channels

It's like, all right I remember like the way that I learned about the show was twitter because I opened twitter one day And uh, the netflix account had tweeted about it. Yeah, they said like 46 million people watched you and I was like, what? And then which they never by the way, disclosed. They never give out the downloads. They won't tell the public so many people I know so many people wait. So that has to hit you have no idea that that's coming, right? No No, no, no the day before like maybe the day before they had shared internally what that number would be and

So again, Greg Berlanti came by the office and he's like he was basically like here Just stand right there because I want to see your face when I talk to him Because I've been working on shows that I think could probably be called cult hits. Maybe um, you know, even supernatural Which is a show I worked on for many years And this still on the air and is this a 15 year run 15 years. There's plenty of people who are like I don't know where that is. I don't know what that is. That sounds like a witch thing or something You know, it's not a thing. This is much more of a mainstream I would when I went on social media, I saw all these memes with Penn Badgley's face in them

I was like, oh, this is an actual moment. Yeah that um, you know, it goes a little bit beyond the line at comic con Yeah, so that that's been a fun new one for me. So when Greg tells you you're you're like, holy shit Yeah, I was like, holy shit and then I mean what it has to be a thrill that like you've been working as a writer producer And you know putting out good work, but then you hit when something like hits beyond Your imagination and what's the feeling like? It's I mean, I don't think any of us are writing so that just our moms will see it

Right, we want people to this is the dream right like it is it is yeah And it's also something I made peace with a long time ago that I have no control over right There's something that's so much That's sort of none of the artists business About how their work is received. It's like you do the best you can you work with your collaborators You put it out there and then it belongs to whoever finds it and responds to it The bad and the good and I've experienced plenty of both in my career The idea that it catches on and a lot of people want to talk about it. It's

I just I almost felt like an anthropologist watching that happen I was very happy for all of the writers and actors and directors and everyone I work with because They want to feel like their work is seen and and they want to be proud of it And it's fun to work on a show that people know about and what do you but what do you think the thing is? That's hooking 46 million plus people I mean, do you think at a certain point people are like everyone's talking about this and now I have to see it Do you think that happen? That's the

That's that's the that's press play. Yeah, that's not why you rip through it. That's not I'm I can't leave this room until I find out what happens to these people I saw the the tweet and then I didn't go watch it What happened was like we have almost a like a same routine every night where we're in bed She always goes to bed before me and I'm flipping through and as I'm scrolling through I see the card and I go like, oh, that was the the tweet was about this. I was like, maybe I'll just Yeah, see how it starts pen badge is like giving you the eye And so I I go like I'll just start it and that was it. I mean once I I just you know

Well, we engineered it as best we could to be bingeable You did a great job. I I come from I and many of the writers and producers to come from a background of network TV It's a different era now in the last few years where most TV a lot of TV is coming at you And it's like these beautiful eight or 10 or 13 episode packages Wrapped in shiny paper It's a little story and then Julia Roberts will be done

But that's not what it was like when I started in TV, which is over a decade ago Most of the stuff was like CSI Yeah, where you had to really understand how to make an episode How to cliff hang the episode and make people wait for next week, which you know that model is going away But we applied it to this because we really wanted an engine We wanted people to come to the end of the episode and be like I really need to find out what yeah peach. That's what I appreciate it so much That's what I appreciate peach so much about the series was one thing was that a lot of TV

Now I feel like they go Well, you know, we got a this thing has to have legs to continue Yeah on and on and on so we can't like you can't have that many things actually happen You can tease that something will eventually happen But then when you see I mean we can we've already given that there's a spoiler alert for this talk about obviously season one But like when you see that he follows to the house You imagine in your mind as a viewer when he goes to where it's a peaches place that like okay He's just going to sneak out you never imagine that there'll be the confrontation

And a shooting and you know like that's actually you're like, oh my god. How is this show going to go on? Yeah, like yeah, what's gonna happen after that? That's crazy finds the box in the bathroom. Oh You go like well she can't like she can't possibly put it all together because then the whole thing is up It explodes the whole thing. Yeah, so like every time those things are yeah, you're like no way And then eventually when you build to the second to last and last episode And he's basically got her kidnapped and holding her house as you're like, all right in your head You're like, so I guess because you know, there's a season two announcement. They came you're like, all right She's gonna forgive him. I guess next season will probably be about like

How how they they make like she's gonna make up and not maybe they'll tease how that he could Charge his press like you're running through these things in your mind. You are never going There's no way that that it's gonna end that way. Right. It's just like it's a thrill As far as entertainment like that's what I got so hooked on the entertainment value of the whole thing The longer I do this the less interested I am in just making a story that can that has to go on forever Yeah, exactly the same form right I'm I love working with people who are interested in seeing what happens next when they write themselves into an impossible corner

And I think if you have you know, if you've been doing whatever your craft is for a really long time You start to get comfortable with the parts that used to be the most uncertain and like I can't I can't go there because I I'm not sure if I can get out Yeah, but then as there's as more and more aspects of your craft become I mean, I don't ever want to say easy but known to you. Right. Okay. It's familiar. Yeah, and I don't know if this is a A direct comparison to what the two of you do But I'm sure there are aspects that like took a lot of like

Manual variety every time you went on stage or whatever right and then over the years It's like there's certain things that you just kind of know you do correctly or that you know And so finding the aspects that are more challenging. I think it's absolutely crucial Like you can't just don't want to do the same thing forever. We would all be very It's like it makes you stagnant. Yeah as a An artist as whoever you were that came to this form to begin with does that make sense? Yes It's a little esoteric for you. No, it's true. But um, so I really like it when the whole writer's room is in there and it is a room. There's many writers who work on each show

Um, when they're all like, but if we do that, we don't know what happens next because like well Neither does the audience right right? Yeah, hopefully someone will figure it someone always figures it out I mean tweeted early the other fascinating aspect to me about it is that is that you This is like a thing now Where obviously this is something that audiences love which is a quote bad guy. Yeah that you cheer for It's really bizarre. Yeah Because there's a point when you watch it and you're like, I kind of want a boyfriend like that guy Like he's really in there and then you're like, oh, no, wait a minute. But like problematic

I feel like you kind of go really likes her like from my thing you're like It's the thing about the human condition too is that Forget entertainment just in life a lot of times we like to paint people. They're all this Oh, you like this music. That's who you are Like and then we apply it to also good and bad if you're good, you're all good. If you're bad, he's all bad and When you have layers to a character like joe Uh, you end up going like obviously he's doing these bad things

But then there's parts of him that you're like, oh, I like this part of that peach was kind of a con You know, I mean if you go like or you go like, um, you know, he's thoughtful He actually he wants to love her. He just wants her to love me was kind of improving her life Yeah, I mean so you end up it's like the walter white Thing right where it's like the end of the end of uh breaking bad You know a lot of people are like why don't his wife have to be such a bitch about this shit, man We just got about the wife on that show how quick everyone was to Yeah, blame her. Yeah for

But you find I find myself being a decent human and Isn't that fascinating though because we all do I did I turned on skylar But then you're like, oh, she's just a mom. She's protecting the kids Programmed to root for these men. I know Yeah, I mean the whole show was sort of Playing around with that. We're exploring that we're going like how far how far can you push that? And then this was because this was my experience when I read the book was that I

You know by midway through you're like, okay, I see what she's doing. This guy is Unhinged he's doing really fucked up shit. He's a killer And and then they would have a sweet scene together and I'd be like, you know, maybe these two crazy kids Even the cage and I was like, yeah, these two crazy kids make it work. Yeah. What is wrong with me? How did I internal it? I thought I was immune to a lot of that I mean, it's not like I'm living the most conventional life for a woman in our culture And I thought for sure I was immune, but I realized I love the great romance and built into that is An expectation that the guy

I mean to be really reductive about it won't take no for an answer. Yeah, you know That he has to struggle against things and win the golden fleece, you know To but really what that translates romantic comedy behavior is criminal. Oh, it's terrible If you yeah, the pilot white right, what's every romantic comedy? I hate you. You're the worst guy ever And he is like a cheese is there through an airport. Yeah She's like, wait a minute. I think I love you. I'll change him or whatever. There's also that mythology The entire thing hinges on lies or that you just failed to mention to me that you're the richest man in Asia Right. Yeah, like right. That's something I would want disclosed

Somewhere around the thousandth time. I thought with someone I would just let me know that you're the richest man in Asia. I would be leading with that all the time But I loved that movie. So I mean, I loved I know I watched a romantic comedy five times. I know me too I love anything Ryan Gosling's and god damn it So I had this feeling reading it because it worked on me. It worked on greg berlanti It worked on the writers So we all and you know penn badgley was very on board in life. He is The opposite of joe. He's like what joe seems like when you first meet him

He's sweet and he's sweet and thoughtful well read You know kind of politically aligned with what one would hope Not a killer. Yeah, for example So his skin crawled about a lot of stuff that we were having joe do but that's correct You don't want someone too comfortable with the creepy guy for the creepy guy like that wouldn't make sense I don't know though. I kind of a couple times when he killed people. I was like, that's what's up, dude. Good job I Can't argue with you there. I mean some I mean Benji, but um, yeah. Oh, yeah, I know

I mean we did construct him to in a glib way kind of deserved death, but sure and the building guy, you know It's like it's like it's kind of a dick. Yeah, I mean, you know that that therapist was crossing a lot of ethical lines Yeah, like he did deserve to be if nothing else pissed the whole house guy I fucking my jaw dropped at the end of season one. I was like no like that's not So fun and beautifully our producing director mark gocega just shot the shit out of it I will tell you like so early on we did a screening in in austin at the atx festival There's this um cool theater called the alamo draft house. Have you guys? No? Anyway, it's cool that you can get a taco there while you're watching. Nice. It's very cool

No, I have been there. Yeah, I have been so we did a screening and it was packed because I think um, largely because penn bachelor has a lot of fans and They were very interested to see his new thing and it wasn't I had I was so kind of I'd seen everything so many times I'd been in post and watching the episode a thousand times and I'm suddenly in the audience and realizing that like We're in act one and he is masturbating in the street Yeah I was and I it's the best part. I just remember a great show. That's when I was like, I'm a bench me too I'm like, I'm all in well that was the one moment in the whole process where I pulled out my phone to text my

You know writing partner on this and just be like, I think we're gonna lose them and never get them back Because I was feeling the energy of everyone going, you know, and then by the way, he picks up that old lady's luggage With the same hand. Yeah, and I was like, they're gonna hate him But by the next scene with back he had won me but I experienced the same thing and I think I don't know this Again, I have this uh, sort of philosophy when I look at it. It might make sense. It might not But I like writing stuff that just makes me ask hard questions And I do not have a great answer for you about why

I would still root for them. Yeah, it might intellect being so Sure that that is the wrong way to feel And yet I do right so that's where I come from with it It's like let's explore this because this is so interesting to me about my own human nature Well, don't they meet each other's needs in a way. I mean if you look at He makes the point joe does right she wants to be seen There's a reason she's masturbating with the there's no wind There's no curtains on her windows, man in her living room and

She's out there and she is posting every morsel of her life It's like well on some level she wants to be seen and here's somebody who wants to be the seer and wants to But here's my question about that horrible. It's terrible. Like how is a young woman like her supposed to Move forward in the fields. She's interested in if she doesn't post all that stuff Do you know what I mean? Well, like it's a bit of a trap for like it's a bit of an impossible Well, she could put curtains on the damn well. Yeah, the curtains. She definitely should have died Sorry, I roll. I mean he's got a jar of human teeth, but yeah the curtains But what you're saying, oh, right, right, right. Yes, right

But especially I mean yeah, because we have to post constantly on social media for our Lives and our jobs and like there's certain things you don't Disclose right like you don't have to tell everybody we were eating of every minute. No, that's true. That's very true I mean and you know the curtain thing specifically when I was her age I didn't have any fucking money for curtains, right and it was the last thing I was thinking about To be honest with you. Yeah, I I was it's like, okay, so that I walk by in my underwear, whatever you know, you don't You don't think you're gonna get a stalker until you do I think

I just I mean, maybe it's not the smartest thing she does all season, but I related to it Right. No, because you're in that age and you're not broken. Yeah, that's pretty great If I had 50 dollars, I probably wouldn't have gone to cost plus world market for curtains with it I probably would have done you know, there was others, you know, I might have seen a dentist No, you're right. I think I would put sheets like I think I did Tack up sheets, maybe tin foil at that. Yeah, I think yeah I would do garbage bags just because like I have to sleep in a blackout room I was just like if I were her if I had three jobs if I was never home, you know, whatever

She's like, what it's a quiet street feels like no one ever goes by except for the that one stalker guy who's pretending to be a boyfriend And he's so cute. Oh, it's so horrible. He's a sweetheart. Who's that pen? Pen. Yeah, Joe. I'm really talking about Joe. What a sweetheart So I I messaged you that I actually I did a movie I shot I worked a couple weeks on it and I got to uh Work with Elizabeth. We worked together on the movie. So Isn't she the best? She's great. What a sweetheart. She's great. And then So this is us on set, but then I was like, I got to do a shout out to you. So I have my you tip of the cap Go ahead and pull up the other one

There it is Do you see it? You look like you're judging her in this photo. I'm trying to just be a stalker Yeah, that's your best. That's my there you go. That's my stalker vibe and she's doing her. I'm not aware Yeah, she's doing pleasant or like I'm gonna hold it together, but I'm feeling a little uncomfortable Yeah, and there I am just stalking. I know she's so pretty. She's so cute. She's so um, she's a great actress, man She really has so many layers going on and she makes it so organic and natural that I think it's easy to miss sometimes Because it just feels like effortless effortless from her But what she's doing is so sophisticated. You could see like on when we were doing

Man, she's the type where she'd be like, yeah Hi, you know just like friendly and then they'd be like and Action and then she'd do this thing where like you're in the scene, but you're actually watching her You're like, oh shit And then you do your line that I cut and you're like, what the she's like, was that good? And you're like, uh, yeah, that's perfect I gotta say too like when you are on that set and you are inside the cage They close you into the cage

Because they need the door to be closed so they can do the shot And they need all four walls around you because they're made of glass So you'll see all of them and I was there for Much of the filming of the last episode and I walked in and she was walking into the cage to do her next shot And she basically spent four days in that fucking cage I went in there to chat with her and they closed the door and I was like, okay I might have a panic attack in here like it Aside from everything else. It is actually really legit

It's legitimately frightening to be locked into a cage even if you're surrounded by a crew There's a and I think she harnessed that and utilized it and probably was used to it and got over it by day four But I had a conversation with her about it and it's just I have so much appreciation for what actors go through every day Oh my god, it's you know Infrequent that you would be somewhere physically comfortable right while you're doing anything You don't know how cold or hot or late or early it is when they're doing what they do and they just They're doing so many layers of make-believe The early calls are the worst the early calls are the worst

When they're like and you'll be here at 5 30 and you're like god damn it And then and then you do the my favorite is like hair makeup go to set and then it's like 11 30 We're gonna get to you here in a second. You're like cool seven hours later. This is awesome. Yeah Hold on. I just had a brain fart. Maybe this is stupid. I'm trying to construct a theory here Okay, why are we drawn to this dynamic of the guy the powerful overpowering guy? Right and the girl same women like twilight too. It's the vampire thing the overpowering guy and clearly What's his name team edward edwards kind of a perv? I mean he's like 300 years old. She's like 16 That line about watching her sleep. Yeah, what the fuck man says I like to watch you sleep it

I feel protective. Yeah, and he's like creep and honor and not only that the christian gray series the 50 shades of gray Women love this dynamic of a controlling guy even though Yeah, christian gray is a dickhead that not that they're all parallel But there's some element of this that women are we're drawn to this What is this loss of control? Maybe is it the Incubus succubus, uh, you know what I mean? Well as an expert in incubi and succubi. No I mean one thing That immediately leads to mine when you ask that question is that there is a difference between real life and fantasy

Of course. Yes, and I am no problem with everyone So many people being fans of a thing where the guy I I'm not super familiar with the 50 shades Saga, is it a saga? It's a trilogy. It's so wonderful But she there's some tying of each other up and yeah, whatever fan. He's a control freak And maybe he's a control freak in her life I mean beyond just like you prefer to have sex tied up or not tied up which yeah, it's not even you know Whatever flitzer's consensual boat, but like um, I Assuming that he does some of that same romantic comedy behavior to her in her actual life

I think some of it like I'm not against it. I think I'm not against people Writing their fantasies enjoying other people's fantasies Fantasizing about someone else just taking over the minutiae or I love the movie secretary. Yeah, that's another It's like a sweet little romantic comedy about how there's a lid for every pot and this particular pot He's a very particular lid and they work it out for themselves um, so I have no I have no judgment about that, but I do think What's interesting is to play with where that line is and where it leads into Our beliefs about how men and women should really be in their real lives

And um, so, you know, the job of the show is to extrapolate to go from what he thinks Which is guys like me are always getting in jams like this while he's like in her shower While she's changing um with her panties in his pocket, right? Um, he's like, oh, I'm living that beautiful romance and we're thinking no, this is crossed a line Yeah, and so I just had a lot of questions about where that line was and What do we really believe and Having discovered that I like this in my entertainment. I was wondering how much of it had seeped secretly into my life And those are the kind of questions we ask ourselves

Yeah, I think there's a little bit too of of a fascination with first of all I love the um storytelling devices you use of the technology showing, you know And the way he narrates things and you see just like the the graphics of you know logging in and it's a great way to Share the story too, but there's a little bit of a fascination with everybody knows the feeling of The fantasy of looking at someone being like I should be with that person Yeah, and then you and then and then how much yeah the airplane thing and then you go you know Part of your mind can entertain the idea of what if I could read that person's

Emails and texts so that I say the perfect thing, right? That's a fantasy You never act on it and seeing somebody act on it is like Oh my god, like this person took it too far I mean, I haven't been single in a few years, but if I met someone I was interested in now I would definitely go on their twitter and see how they talk go on their facebook go on any available social media I would try not to be obsessive I think I have that level of self-awareness, but when you're like interested in someone It feels in 2019 it feels like due diligence

You have to check it out because if they're psychotic on their social media better to know quickly, right? That's what I would say to get indicator It's just joe goldberg is like well then obviously it's in the same category if I google image her photo So I figure out where she lives and obviously it's not a huge leap It's just I'm just making sure if I call in a gas leak so I could get into her part I mean there's a point where he crosses a line. Yeah, but where he starts. I think is not different. I think he's vigilant. He's fine. He's okay He worked out great for them. Yeah, and he's fine, you know Yeah, nothing happened to him bad, you know, nope. Nope. We get into that more in season two. What happened to him too?

He's doing great. Yeah, what can you tell us and I fully of course respect the idea that yeah But what can you tell us about season anything? Yeah, we're in the middle of shooting it right now. Wow We're shooting episode five Some of which happens at a A retreat weekend worthy of goop Goop like one of the pal trough's website. Yeah, okay Because it's a weird place to start with It's because we're in la and see thin too because of the events at the I don't want to totally spoil everything

I mean Binge it. Enjoy it and then know what I mean when I say shit happens to him at the end that encourages him to leave town Um and try and kind of start over and so he goes to los angeles Which is the last place in the world a died in the wool new yorker like joe would want to be He I don't know if you guys have noticed new yorkers sometimes look down on la a little bit joe does a lot Oh, I don't want to be there. He's there because he has to be and um And then we get to see la through his eyes I love it an interesting thing in the for the writers is that if we really write la people as they are

It's actually too broad and it backfires on us because it doesn't seem realistic at all Really they're reaching for the joke. We tone down the people at Whole Foods. I love it to make it Just funny enough, right? We want to you know have fun with but not make fun of yeah Yeah, but as soon as you accurately portray the people that I have chatted with on abitkenny It seems like I'm I'm making one of myself too by the way. I have plenty of tarot cards at home But it seems like joe could have a real problem with the amount of much better looking people out here than those dogs in new york But yeah, I can see how that's everyone is la is so full of beautiful people

That's what i'm saying The wellness thing is is really a huge thing right now and he gets a job um at a uh a place that Is a little akin to an air wand. Do you know that grocery store? Of course, um or like a bespoke mom and pop Whole Foods. That's perfect for joe. Perfect It's yeah, because he's just like great gluten allergies. Sure, whatever Nobody's heard of toll story Nobody's are you know, he's a book guy and everyone's like, oh well, I've seen the moot. I mean that's the essential la

So he's meeting new people that he has judgment about I love his contempt leaving the grocery store with the amount of Petitions that that are out here. I don't know if it's the same in new york But out here where you're like, I'm just trying to get some fucking bothers me at Whole Foods They always have those dirt bags with their dumb petitions and then as you walk away You walk away. They're like air clean water. How damn it. They're like, you don't want to feed the kids and you're like, oh Jesus man We are in a shaming moment. Yeah in our culture Um, yeah, why don't like bringing my own bag? You know what I mean at Whole Foods and they're like, yeah, and I bought a lot of reusable bags. Yeah, dude. Here's 10 cents

Here's a dollar. You know what I like to do at Whole Foods though. What is like when they go? Would you like a paper bag today? I go you don't have plastic No, I'm like, I guess paper is fine. Yeah. Yeah, just to try to write back. Yeah I really like plastic more, but it's fine. So yeah, we do that We do a lot of that we do a lot of like how much is that green juice 85 dollars? Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of that and then also just the Just the tenor of the culture is a little different here than in New York People but but people are also essentially the same everywhere. That's from Joe has that sort of x-ray vision where he can Distill people down. I love it. I love it. Some more people. Yeah, me too

There's a body. I mean, yes, it's not I don't think I'm gonna shock anybody if I say that though Joe Is not a killer would never want to hurt anyone Nevertheless somehow for reasons he does end up having to dispose of yeah, I understand that I'll just say at least one body in season two. Yeah. Wow Not for me. I mean, I mean as he explains to us really clearly. It's not his fault. It's never his fault But it's never a good guy. That is true. It's right. It's always like something he had to do. It is. Yeah I get that totally um

Our good friend chris de lia is in season two And I can say he's the best and I can say because it's in the trades and yeah, I texted him immediately I was like you're in you and he was like he wrote back He's like it's the only thing that I've Like, uh, I've ever been like a big fan of and then I get to work on which is that is very cool. Yeah It's that's very cool. He's great, right? He is great face It's got a nice body too. No, I mean comedically. He's got the rubber face. Sorry. Sorry. I just know he's been working out a lot Oh my god, um, he's

Such a good. I mean he's perfect for this role The I will I without giving away too much. I will say that his role is quite intense. Yeah, um, and He brought all of his chops for this and um, he does he plays someone who is a comedian He's not playing himself. He's playing a character who is also a comedian Who is known and the first time joe goldberg sees him He's in public and and he's just he spots this guy who's very dressed It's this very la thing that we have all I think experienced who lived here Which is live here, which is that you see somebody who's sort of dressed no different

But there's a certain air around them a certain magnetism and then you see people start to go up and ask for autographs and selfies And you we you may not know them yourself, but you realize they're famous something's going on And then for a minute you really are an anthropologist where you're watching There's something so interesting when you don't know who it is Yeah, you're just like this person is having a very specific effect on all the teenagers here or all of the 40-something's here And yeah, so uh, there um, there's you know, we had to throw in a moment or two like that And his that's his introduction as the character is at lax in a moment like that. Oh Yeah, I was so excited. Um, when does it debut?

Do we have a we don't have it yet. Okay an air date a streaming day yet. Um, but I'm hoping that it is Soonish, I don't know. I really don't know probably. Um Towards the end of the year. Okay. We're still making it They got to translate those texts into a lot of languages for Netflix. Oh, yeah Like now you're probably going to what like 110 countries or something. I don't even know I don't know. Honestly, it's such an interesting thing to talk about when it's done But while you're making it, it doesn't really help to think about that's true. Um, all of the people who might hate it Yeah, I just try to block that out. There's a there's a there's a lot of teasing. It's okay. I'm tough. It's cool

Yeah, with praise comes blame. They're gonna love it though. There's a lot of teasing last season with his uh Ex-girlfriend. Yeah, Candice. Yeah Yeah, that's right. That's like what you would now you're fucked if you haven't seen yet. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah, but I mean Well, I mean, but it sets you up that way. I mean that the series the series was in France guys She you know, I'm so excited now. Can we I it was all a misunderstanding. Really? No, of course with him and Candice It's really the yeah, it's just a small misunderstanding. I hope she's up in episode one I hope she doesn't say anything wrong and get her neck snapped But the thing about her is she's met Joe. She's met the real Joe like what happened between them, which we will get into

Come on. Yeah I'll show you right now and you can just brought no kidding. Uh, I mean we get into all of it and So interesting to have him sit across from a woman who insists that she knows the real real him in a way that Makes him uncomfortable to hear and then that's just the beginning of the fun Yeah, yeah, so we're not afraid of a wild plot point on that show and there's some crazy ones I love how he breaks up with his girlfriend like his placeholder girlfriend Right like in the apartment building. Yeah, that's the best. It's me. Just like he comes home one day and he's like, all right We're done. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and she walks away. Okay much better for having broken up. Yeah

Yeah, and by the way that scene um, real psycho it was like, I don't know I there was such like a An experience watching that scene the way that she handled it like an adult Yeah, like it's all that was also unexpected because you're like, how's she gonna take this and she took it like such a grown-up I don't know. I felt like it was almost a lesson hearing her say it, you know Well, we the way the rules that we have in our head when we're making it We do try to ground all of this. It's not just crazy. So poppa everybody slaps everybody in the face all the time, right? We do ground this stuff in

In the experience that we have of how relationships go. Right. So when we were talking about it, you know, you sort of You cheekily like put the murder to the side and you say what are the steps of his relationship with back right now? Oh, they're honeymoon period. Oh, then it's where it gets a little suffocating. Oh, here's where you know She's not sure she wants to pick him or You have bad sex and or you break up and then what are you doing when you're broken up? And so that character of Karen minty is like We tried to make it work Maybe we're essentially bad for each other me and back and so let me try to pick someone healthier and better for me

Right, right. I love it. And she's great. She's fantastic. Yeah. I was happy that she walked away alive. Yeah She she doesn't know she missed she dodged a bullet. Yeah for now. Yeah. Yeah, he's gonna find her again But it's sort of like I love it. I love those moments I I thought about it a lot when I was watching breaking that actually there are these moments that the writers wrote For this character where he could have made another choice and just stopped Right like right around the time he's standing in front of a literal fucking mountain of money. That's so huge She has to spray it for bugs. Yeah that like in a storage facility somewhere where he just could have been like I think i'm done right now and there were there are actually many moments like that and good storytelling about

Bad people like joe. Yeah, and so we build those in where it's like if you just Stayed with karen or maybe didn't start sleeping with back again Then things could go differently, but he's swept up as you know, people get I wish he could have just gotten back to forgive him, you know, that's what I was hoping for I mean, if only beck had acted a little bit differently. Yeah, I know Beck, you know, god, I really hope people I'm being just kidding. I know you guys are bringing out a level of sarcasm I'm not usually I don't usually feel comfortable to use People will misinterpret it. You made it clear that we're giving away so much

I uh when I was on the on the set of that movie and I was just like doing the same thing I was talking all about you and I was like, yeah, you know, it's crazy because you end up cheering for joe And she's like, well, yeah, but like you didn't want me to die, right? I mean But I mean I wasn't mad, you know, so We have uh, we have a clip to show right now. Is this um Billy bobby brown Yeah, she had uh after she was watching season one

She uh, she had an opinion on uh And for people who don't know millie bobby brown, of course is the star of stranger things the other 11 Netflix show Yeah, she's fantastic actress. Let's see what millie said So I just started that new show you He's not creepy. He's in love with her and it's okay. So I'm obsessed with it. I've been watching it Absolutely banging at flicks Okay, and everybody's gonna say oh, he's a stalker. Why would you support that? No, like he's in love with her

And it's just like just watch the show and don't judge me on my opinion Did everyone then proceed to judge her strongly for her? Of course except for me. I'm with you millie bobby brown I mean, there's so you know, I don't think she watched the whole way. No, I'm sure her opinion revised as she went along But also she was she's being a bit Cute and cheeky about of course, you know the tone of the show she gets the tone of the show I think is what we're seeing. Yes. Um, I'm sure there was a Pylon Of people after that who are telling her she was bad and wrong, right? Of course and she's also a teenager

Yeah, she's not an adult. Let's not anytime I see someone young in the entertainment business at all I have such a strong instant feeling of protectiveness. Oh my god The um the world now for the very stuff we're exploring on the show the social media of the world now It's um, there's such a direct line Where you can just express your yeah your instant knee jerk rage and fury Or just state you can just I think we have lost touch a little bit with that We are all human beings who should be fundamentally kind Of course and come from that place and um, you know, we're all war torn veterans and

Make our entertainment about it But when I see someone like her who's just this immense talent and she's such a bright light like she's so Sweet. I'm just like, oh, she gave an opinion on the internet That's not going to go well. I know, you know, and she should be free too. Of course, but this is a different world now It's like imagine if you go back to when you were 16 and all your opinions are shared. Oh my god. Oh my god I would have um each time i'm 42 and i give opinions I mean if i'm going to have directly tweeted at joss weeden at that age to tell him everything I would do, you know Yeah, thank god. There's no record of the strong ways that I was absolutely correct when I was 16

So embarrassing. It's and I don't know. I mean, we're talking about it We're we're talking about it because you know, millie bobby brown did a little instagram story, but Um, I have to say this because i'm an essential bummer of a person Yeah, which is that it is also to blame for our entire political climate It is in essence It's and so therefore you can extrapolate that our relationship with social media is directly Responsible for a lot of what's happening climate. Yeah, you know, it's like you can Look down the line to when there's nothing left but white walkers on earth and go. Oh, it's from twitter and i'm on twitter

Of course, you know, I just contemplated a lot in the course of making this show You guys you look like I just no, I thought you're talking about you. No, it's because you're like i'm a bummer I'm like, yeah me too. Let's talk about being bummers. Let's talk about it Oh, that's fine. Are you a bummer bummer adolescent? No, I was just thinking about being an adolescent though And what a bummer I was as a goth teenager. You were a goth teenager. Oh my god Could you imagine? Hardcore I was goth until I was like 20. Well, I'm saying like it's not just like a jacket. She had blue hair Yeah, you know, the knee-high boots

Wet and wild eyeliner girl. Yeah, I had all that crazy makeup a lot of mohawks and shit She was down for the call Tommy But could you imagine if you had instagram as a teenager and there's like a girl that you liked and you're like What's up, Jessica? Um, just you're chillin by the pillow. I'd have fucking 18 murders under my pillow I would have been stalking and sleeping in rooms and No, what I think about is how you know, I would have been I would be mortified of my So embarrassed already especially like the adolescent male and me

Uh, you know just making a fool of myself at that age, which is totally normal But I'm saying I'd be cringing at that now seeing all the posts of me saying stupid shit And you know just acting a fool that that to me. I'm glad there's not as much of a record of that as there is today I mean, I hope that because that that's the way it is now and because so many 16 year olds are now just acting the fool That it just sort of all Cancels itself out. Yeah, like there will be a point in time where there is no Presidential candidate that doesn't have a dick pic somewhere or something. Do you know what I mean friend? That's terrible Yeah, or like he's caught in the back of some party that ended up being weird for reasons. They hadn't do it

I think it pushes us doesn't it push us to the point if that is true that we get to a point where It becomes almost a shameless society. We're all like, all right Like now there's a thing of like there's always public shaming You said this and people act like they've never said something outrageous and you know They love to attack the person for saying or doing something then you go I mean part of your mind goes like, how are you not? Thinking of your own stupid shit at that point. I mean what you're talking about I think is the best case scenario that what it does is equalize and

Limit our ability to shame each other what I see so far is that I'm witnessing shaming culture just get stronger and stronger. It is I think it's it's ramping up before it goes down Yeah, and like, you know, if you're a person who has any kind of a Loud voice in the world for whatever reason because it's amplified because you write a tv show or because you Stand in front of audiences and you have a podcast, you know people. Um, I think that there is a You know in some people there's this sort of like little animating force where they have to kind of do something about that Yes, like make sure that you're not, you know, are you handling that responsibly? It might even come from a good place or it might just be what's ever going on with them

But I think it's gonna be less shaming. It's going on than last year. Yeah, it's going on It's always what's going on with them. Well, that's the whole the whole phrase like That didn't exist before when people are canceled like you're canceled now You know, I mean like that's the thing that is done now Like if you express an opinion that like it might not be a great opinion, but people express opinions on things There's people right away Ready to be like and that's how we are done with you. You no longer. Oh, I've been through a few cycles of that Yeah, it's like really personally. Yeah, you're kidding. Yeah

I mean not as certainly I have witnessed it in people that I know and people that I don't know in a much huger level Um, but yeah, of course. I mean my social media is public and I'm a person. Yeah. I'm a woman among other things. Oh even worse, but um, uh, but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah That's uh, cancelling people is a thing right now or attempting to attempting to you know, and I think um I don't know. I feel this this uh Little responsibility inside me, you know, like I don't think I make a very good I don't think anybody is going to elect me role model of anything in particular But I know because I go to places like comic con

Young women will come up teenage girls young women will come up to me and be like I want to do what you do Right, so I do feel this need to just sort of stand strong in moments like that and be like people are entitled to their opinions And their feelings and they are in 2019 entitled to To um, you know, they are you get to go on twitter and say what the fuck you want for sure You know, and it doesn't mean that you will be greeted with the same Level of passion. Yeah, you know, you can be heard and you can be heard kindly And then I will go on about doing my job and my thing So I it's weird. I don't know

That's where I guess I'm saying it to you guys because I wonder if you guys have a different opinion like what do you guys do? But I see that as my job to just You know be a person who's like, yeah, I'm gonna keep I think you're right, you know Especially as a female entertainer because where at least in my business is it is predominantly your business to our business But in comedy stand-up comedy There's like five women and then the rest are dudes And like I can't hold a torch for every group of women in the world, but I You know what you just do you you do the best job

You can as responsibly as you can and everyone's gonna have their fucking opinion and I can't you can't you can't answer people You can't please everybody Isn't that a thing god damn it whenever there's not quite enough You know because there's not what you're saying is there's not enough women in comedy Which I agree at a certain level. Yeah, well, it's happening now I can see it in the right. It's coming But yeah, but because it's a there's many reasons but yes, right and I mean I've heard a few and you could tell me a bunch more and I think what one of the weird things that happens is then you're carrying

The load for many more people wanting to be represented than you really should Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you're not that kind. You're not every kind of woman. You're just you Yeah, exactly. So if there was you know a hundred percent more Yeah, that'd be great a thousand percent more than it wouldn't you know There will be it wouldn't fall to you to be every blonde lady on earth every blonde white lady. Yeah. Oh, man Well, we'll just tom have an opinion about being a woman in comedy. Holy shit A lot of women out there are fully. Oh, there you go. There's a stupid. Yeah, there you go. I can't argue That's me from an earlier episode. Really?

No, it's not my husband. I was more about women. Oh, I have very interesting things to say Um, women are stupid. There you go. So that's uh Okay No, I uh, sorry. I was just gonna say that no, I Don't bring that guy. This is the guy who's that. Which guy? It's this really cool guy. He's he's got a lot of opinions and uh, He would tell you that's him. That's not a good angle. You don't think so. No Instagram ads I'm on a roll today because women are fucking stupid. Okay. Okay. They're fucking stupid

Doesn't he look like a caveman? I don't understand. I don't see it His hair is luxurious. Oh, that's a nice positive. I like you. You did a nice pivot there and you looked for the I mean, if I don't know I There's so many other features you could have talked about. Yeah, I know you went to the nice one. She's such a nice lady I'm not that fucking nice you guys. No, I I'm really not. I know but I still you did say the nicest possible thing Why so difficult a good guy to meet a fucking sane woman I mean everyone was a fucking stupid idiot. Yeah, this is joes in her dialogue. These are The ultimate questions that he's asking how about season three right here this guy

We'll have penn grow his hair out. Yeah, get a little goatee going May have to give a couple other prosthetics, but yeah, yeah um Man, I I actually I could stop when the whole idea that the you know, everyone's shamed now I think the one thing that happens is like the bigger you get the more exposure you get Yeah, the more comfortable you get with people Fucking hating your guts. They don't actually hate you personally They actually just hate like something you said or your public persona

Right, you stopped like when you're when you start getting that exposure You're like, oh my god, like you internalize it. You're like, oh god someone fucking hates me Yeah, and it feels badly and then the longer you experience that you're like, oh, yeah, they're just um They're barking at the thing that I barked out and it's just like it's noise right and it starts to affect you less Yeah, emotionally and you're just like like, you know, you put out a we put out specials and someone You get all these people that love it and people I fucking hate your thing and you're like, yeah I know like some people are gonna hate it some people hate your show and you're like, yeah Yeah, they do and they tell me about that

Isn't that neat people who are not trying to be um necessarily, you know, they're not trolling They I not infrequently will get a message is just like, you know, the writing is crappy on that show And I'm like, do you mean the show that I write? I don't know if they even really make the connection that they're talking directly to a person who might have written that But and then there's also people who are like, you don't understand you're bad and wrong And I really need you to hear that and I think you know, like when I was I really need you to hear that But many years ago someone much smarter than me, you know, I was upset about something somebody had said

And I was much younger and it was it was a different era of the internet. It was more of a message board era But um, they said to me, what if you as an experiment Took in everything and tried to see it if it was true like if some part of it was true They're calling you a cunt Can any part of you feel that you were a cunt? Yes, you know, and I was like that is ridiculous Yeah, like that's really mean no part of me is the villain of this story or whatever But over the years, I never forgot that And there's something very, uh, I don't know. It's a cool like quasi spiritual practice to have I think in a way

I ended but like I'm so much older than this teenage girl We just watched who was expressing an opinion on the internet, but over the years and even decades now I've been able to be like Okay, glib heartless A bad writer, not what not wrong and not what we discussed, right? I can I can find that I can find all of it Inside of me, you know what I mean? So you look to do it. You look to find the to find bad No, I don't look to find people saying bad things to me I mean I gotta live my life, but if you if it hits you you go

I don't I don't not I you know that mechanism of like tensing up against it and going um That's not true and you're being mean and fuck you Um I have moments of that. I think it's a human thing for sure. But then part of me is like, oh, yeah, maybe that's true You know, yeah, but there's a freedom and going like I don't I'm not holding this um This uh strong uh attachment to being perfect. Do you know what I mean? Like, um, I can't Be a part of the you know, beautiful groups of people that make these tv shows, right? Because you assemble this amazing team and you're like one component of the team and um

part of my job being a showrunner on a show is to Encourage and foster each person to just like bring their a game pitch the crazy idea be creative You create these pretty safe spaces, right? And um for me to say to them, it's okay if you fail It's okay if you pitch a bad idea It's okay if we make the episode and it didn't turn out exactly the way that we wanted I can't do that and also be bracing myself against every fucking criticism, right? So um, you know So that's what I do. I just go okay. Yeah, okay. Have you gotten have you gotten the cool thing over like you go like, oh, uh, Yeah, I wrote uh you and they're like, that's cool. Have you seen Ozark? That's a

All of it. Yeah, really, you know, yeah, we get the comedy version of that or like, oh, you do comedy, right? You know, who's really funny, man? And you're like somebody that's not you. Of course. Other persons are so worse. It's okay Yeah, of course. It's all right. No, it is. All right, but I think you're real funny, too What you're talking about is that um because I talk about this in therapy too. Yeah, I think you're right It's it's when you don't acknowledge your shadow sides And then someone on twitter will point it out and if it's a shock to you, that's when it fucks with you That's so interesting. You know what I'm saying? Someone's like, soon you got a big fucking sloppy tits and you're like, gosh I was trying to repress that like I didn't think that anyone else's on my sloppy like thank you

Yeah, and you're like pointing that that's when you feel badly, but if you're like, yeah, I got big fucking I know I have sloppy tits next. You know what I mean? It doesn't it's not a shock to you. You're like, I got it What else? I'm stupid. Yeah, I know You're talking about thank you. Thank you. And and like I don't know. It's a bit of a free-for-all in the world. Like, you know More people need to know that they need to face their own tits first. I know Fucking takes your own tits first. Yes. No one will have any power over you. Yes. Thank you But that's you know an advanced practice you're talking about 10 years in psychotherapy. I have a same issue with my balls because there's

They're super sloppy But no one can come at you about that because you've accepted it in yourself. It's not a weapon anymore Exactly. You know, they're like, uh, you have a little dick and you come back Right, you've accepted it. I know I know that I know that I know my flaws. I know I'm super strong accepted the darkness um Before uh, first of all, this is a thrill getting talking about this stuff But I want to talk because I know you also have the magicians Can you tell me a little bit because I haven't gotten into the show. No, so I want to know

Do you like fantasy stuff? Of course. Um It's a fantasy stuff. It's uh, it's you know, the like elevator pitch is that it's uh, harry potter for grown-ups That's how we when we first were telling people about it It's based again on these beautiful best-selling novels by lev grossman and it's like um or even claw. What's your house? Slytherin obviously Wanted to be Slytherin. Yeah, see that's the practice embrace your Slytherin Embrace it. It's a somebody's got to be Slytherin. I'm 100 Slytherin, dude. Oh, you didn't even take the test online When I saw that Lin-Manuel Miranda was Slytherin, that's when it all opened up for me. They preemptively messaged me

They messaged me. They did not At best you're hufflepuff, but you're definitely not I'm Slytherin His bathroom mirror melted a witch walked out of it holding a snake and was like you're one of us I'm Slytherin. Yeah, I'm sorry to interrupt. Yeah. I just was very excited. Go ahead. Go ahead. Yeah. Don't worry about her. Go ahead Actually, um, no, I say yeah, so it's a lot of sex and drugs because it's a graduate school. Cool Where that's where it starts. It's gone far beyond that but when you when you enter that world It's a it's a world where there is a school for magic. Fuck. You want to start tonight? Yeah Graduate student Quentin Coldwater gets accepted into the school realizes magic is real

And he starts to find his people He also discovers that a very adult version of Narnia is real and he and his friends eventually go far beyond this magical school and Into these magical worlds. And so it's all of this fan time I mean, this is the thing it has in common with you The plot points can be crazy and on the magicians It might be that like that person is a dude who likes to bake biscuits also is a werewolf on the full moon And then in this episode gets turned into a fish like that could happen. I love it but the

But the true heart and spirit of the show is the Emotional inner lives of this group of interconnected people Some of them are best friends or lovers and some of them kind of hate each other and keep getting thrown together to save the world But it's about kind of becoming an adult and facing very adult things and you're seeing like a magic fantasy should happen Yes, yes, there's a lot of vfx magic sold. Here's my reaction tonight, bro. Here's my reaction on netflix I'm super excited. I expect in more orgasm jokes. There's been only three or four I don't know. You're so disrespectful disrespectful. It's a part of life. It's a beautiful part of life She wants to hear your fucking giz sounds

She'd love to have a husband that makes giz sounds boyfriend. I love her I'm not gonna ask. Um, I'm not gonna bring my don't all right. I don't bring your fancy Don't don't I'm not gonna do it. Do you need to get married? I am. Yeah, when? This year imminent. Oh, wow. Congratulations. It's exciting. Yeah, good. How long have you been together eight years? Have you guys done it yet? Have we had sex? We're planning too soon like after the wedding, but I've been waiting for how special I have this conversation with a straight face. I'm sorry. Have you seen his pee pee yet?

You don't you're presuming that it's a he you don't know. Okay. Sorry. Have you seen every day this one is a he This one's okay. All right. I don't want to just presume your problem. Okay Let me ask questions uh Have you seen his butt? I have on occasion you guys we live do you guys? Oh my god You're breaking all the rules. Have you seen do you guys go to the bathroom in front of each other? God, no. Okay. Yeah, that's our. No, that's our only boundary. That's our thing. We're still doing

We're still don't go to the bathroom in front of each other. How long have you guys been together? 15,000 years? 15 15 I feel like that's I am to it that that's a good boundary. No dumps. No poop, but we talk about them. We talk about them with your Yes, we don't do them. Yeah, yeah, but I talk about that. But I'm not like I've always sort of been that person that people want to disclose medical information to yeah So are we we're those people as well? But that's good that you talk about it. Do you fart in front of each other? That's a big

I feel like part of the mark of any close relationship is that you have spent enough time together That inevitably at some point you fart in front of each other You guys are gonna be together forever. That's the hallmark of a good relationship holding in farts It's holding all of my deep friendships in farts. They if you don't feel comfortable to fart in front of me There's something wrong. We should talk about it. Yeah, if you can hang out another hour, we're gonna be good friends Perfect That is how you get it on fast forward Okay, I got a quick pitch for you, right? Okay new show. All right. Oh, no

I'm in a character because I I have a wife and Oh boy, I chop her up and I Put her in the oven and I eat her and then I meet someone new and uh, it's great I have I have a note. I have no Go ahead notes constructive. Yeah um, if you make it that after

Your misunderstood first wife is murdered And then you meet someone new and you're happily ever after with them Then the story is over So what you actually have to do is make it real fucked up in the second relate like So you might as well probably not kill the first one and just work it out with her Great. So you have to keep having some kind of drama. Why don't we there's no child? Hold on. Why don't we go? All right, well, let me let me workshop it Yeah, what about what about the first wife isn't dead. She's still alive. Yeah, she takes half his money

And hooks up with a Puerto Rican 27 year old guy And takes the children and all the cars and all the jewelry take that back put that back I've noticed that your jewelry is beautiful. Thank you. How much substantial would you buy your husband for his 40th birthday? A nice necklace like that You should probably have sex first Um I would want to get him something really nice

What You you would want to I would want to and I want to spend a lot of money. Yeah, not this. Um, and so But I don't know your taste. She's tactfully saying this is the taste. Is this what is this how you usually present? with the huge No, this is called new. I appreciate you recognizing the sauce boss sitting in front of you. But what I'm saying is that This is a new thing. What would you spend the money? Like, what would you get your significant other? If you were like, this is a big time present. What would you get? um, uh

A car a pony a car a pony. Is he like ponies ponies are cool. I don't know if he likes ponies, but I would find out He likes trucks likes trucks. Yeah Yeah, he's got like one that he's It's beloved and he's had it for a long time and doesn't want to get rid of it And the people are always leaving little notes on it offering to buy it because there's like a truck subculture in los angeles Yeah, is it enormous? No, no, no, it's just like it means something to truck people Is it a special model like I don't think so. I just think it's like it's old Okay, I mean it's not like so old that you're like that's beautiful in an american graffiti kind of way

But it I don't know. I mean this is really an area where like if he talks about trucks I'm just like, okay, you just kind of tune out. Yes. I because I want him to you know Love what he loves. I'm telling you that's how he is when I talk about werewolves and fish that turn into money He wants this. Okay. Okay. That's what I'll get him for his birthday. I'll get any of the purchasing information from you later Let's talk about an rice. No, hold on. Let's talk about A vampire just real sidebar here for my home girl because I have a feeling she and I fucking share some shit When you were a gothic teenager, we all about the an rice I'm just gonna say twilight series or an rice. Go ahead

All respect to the twilight series me too. I hey, I read it much love. No hate as did I Now why do you feel an rice's superiority in the vampire categories? It was dirtier. Yeah. Did you ever read? The rose I read all of her stuff when I was young. Okay. I did. Yeah, and I was looking for some messy sexy angsty Yeah, it had all of that for me But I mean the twilight stuff came out and I was probably too old for that to hit my sweet spot as it were Yeah, well, here's my big problem with twilight. Okay. Um vampires cannot go in sunlight. Okay that killed Lestat

We all know that how the fuck do these vampires live in the light? Well, they live Since you asked. Yeah, how do they the twilight in the shadiest city in the right? I know that pacific northwest Usually they don't sparkle because usually there's no sunshine. I don't buy it. It's cleverness through the clouds Someone broke that piece of story. If you want to go ahead just chop out the last few minutes They work too Um for the the real fans of vampires. Go ahead So, uh, do you know by the way that um, one of my high school friends father dated an rice?

No, I saw on rice on an airplane. What's almost fucking shit my pants. We could reach out. Yeah, really? Just used to live in New Orleans Wow. Yeah, I would love Okay, she changed a lot of people's lives. Dude. Yeah, really me too. I liked her. I liked her. I heard she was down too Great, thanks, Tom She's a little lady now Tom. Yeah. No, she still puts out you think she's dtf for sure If I would be so uncomfortable talking about miss and rice this way you guys queen Dude, can you imagine if she hooked up with me right now? No, she would never 77. I'm 40. I come in there

I'm like, what's up? I just fucking pick her up throw across the room. Did your husband talk like this? Yeah I heard she went christian didn't she go christian? I heard that Yeah, I heard that. Yeah, but she's still like we'll okie-dokie. Thank you so much for joining us So Just to be clear We're through episode your shootings. You're at season or episode five right now of season two Yeah, we're prepping episode six episode and we're gonna get 10 new ones. I'm gonna get 10 Nice. Yeah, I'm getting ready to co-write the finale right now

From here, I'm gonna go in the writer's room and work a few things out with greg berlanti and neil reynolds the other writer and At what point do we get a tease of whether or not there'll be a season three? I don't have that tease yet. I mean, I'm I'm hopeful I'm really proud of everyone's work so far and I'll call Ted sarandos right now. Could you Will you let him know that I'm a fan of his? Yeah Hey, Ted Season three for you or go fuck yourself. That's from sarah gamble. That's the part, you know There you go

We all just fired our agents, but clearly you could be You know, that's right. Yeah, no one's got agents. No one's got agents. Come on gild get it to fucking together. No more packaging fees So that was inside baseball for the 16 writers you were watching. That's true. Um, no, but look I I really want to thank you for responding to my direct message. Oh, thank you for giving us your time today We're huge fans. You're a brilliant woman. This is such a fun show and I really appreciate you coming here Oh, I thank you. You guys are very welcome. It's fun to talk to you. Yeah. Oh, by the way, don't we have something for her? Oh, yeah You we're brought on to the show. What size t-shirt do you wear miss sarah?

I mean M you know like an m ms. Yeah ms Do you have a multiple scrolls this shirt? Do you want to wear? I'm wearing I mean since we're talking about it. Oh, Bruce. Hey. Oh, I like that. Yeah. Did you watch that doc? I did How was it? I'm not a crier, but I cried really. Yeah What a

Fucking amazon that one. Yeah, I know she's old as fuck. She still works out. Is that what you're talking about? I mean The body of her work for her entire lifetime, but most that she wears the diva sweatshirt and works out every morning And she's what if she doesn't exercise is great. I don't know how old she is. I just know she's an actual living superhero Yeah, so that's a good little inspiration one if you haven't seen yet hanging on Yeah, she is. Yeah, I let a candle for her every day. Yeah It's very cool Yeah, no, that's

By the way, are you do you binge on anything right now? Are you watching anything awesome? The last thing I binged was russian doll. Have you guys seen it? Yes. Love it. I love the very existential very Very wonderful. So we are debuting This shirt just for you. You're the first guest who's going to receive the brand new your mom's house official font Right is classy and good a little retro invitation only invitation only your mom's house We only have people we have invited to be on the show You're part of the elite club of people that can proudly wear the invitation only your mom's house shirt. Yeah, so

Thank you. Really nice of you. Miss Sarah. Thank you for coming. Thank you for making an awesome show and we hope to talk to you again Yeah, thank you Your mom's house will be right back. All right. This is Such a big deal Because I've been trying to make this happen. I don't know if you remember I tried to make this happen When we were in silver lake. Oh my god I go we're trying to make this happen when we first started the show everybody who who follows the show knows me knows that I love football. I've talked about I used to do a podcast just about football

I loved that I had the chance to play football as a kid And everybody not everybody even has the that thing where you can say you played against or with somebody that made it And I did and I've made I've talked about it It's always I always got cool points because it was such like a unique Like, you know, I mean some people can say like I played with Jerry Rice. You're like, all right, man but like I got such cool points because The guy that I played against who definitely made it the furthest is now sitting here and it's heath evans And dude, this was like I wanted this to happen

So badly because you don't understand you have the burden of having played college football and in the nfl for 10 years and for me Uh, it all ended as a senior in high school And you are the mountaintop of what happened. So your heyday was done when you were 18, huh? For sure For sure. Well, I tricked him for about, uh, what 13 years longer than you You played for 13 years 10 in the nfl and three in the sec. Yeah, it's pretty wild man. Um, you don't understand How vividly I remember certain things this is gonna like maybe impress you help my memory because

Might could be a little shady. Yeah. Yeah, you have you have a few extra hits in there. So Um, like I remember first of all, you have to understand that like in high school It is so weird to know an opposing player's name. No one knows You know chuck plays on that team like you don't know their name dude as a sophomore I remember being a sophomore in high school and we're playing we both went to these small christian schools I had moved to florida from milwaukee. I go to this little christian school We actually had really good players that are for a small school. You know, we had seven kids on my senior class Played college football. So it's pretty pretty good talented to him. But you know, there was a pretty wide

range of talent on the opposing teams So I remember sophomore year This guy Gets off the bus. He's the only kid on their team wearing a tank top. You're in a white beater It was floored. It was hot. Yeah, nobody else had went on He's walking like this and we're like, who's this guy? And they're like, that's heath like other kids knew his name like on your team. They knew they knew his name Like that's heath. I'm like, who's heath like he's gonna make life rough today and then

Then uh, did you shake your pants when you saw heath? No, because like I mean he looked like a big strong kid, but you're not like, oh my god Like what what made me shit my pants was So I played center which means like I snapped the ball and I played defensive line So both side he played linebacker and running back so I remember playing center and he lines up over me Like right right over me to like as soon as I snapped the ball

And I blocked them, but I was like, I have never felt the impact like nobody else hit them I was like fuck and then And then I remember even uh, junior year Playing against him. His team was garbage, but he was so good. Thank you. Tom. Thank you but his so like I'm saying you could play you could you could You could make plays where you end up near him and then you had to pay the price of getting to him, but like I remembered

one time I got in the backfield and hit you And tackled you in the backfield and this was another thing he did. I don't need to see the film one. Yeah I don't I don't believe it. Well I remember being like first of all like my head hurt so bad and like I You know, I mean like I made the tackle. I'm like, I'm on top of this guy And I'm like why's my head hurt man because it was like he hit so hard even like on a on a losing play And then he would go that was a great tackle man. I was like what?

And you get on with kindness dude. He would do this all game long great block good effort Like pat us on the head and we were like what? You know, it's it's emotional warfare. You know, maybe you wear him down Was that a strategy of yours? You did do this, right? I did. Yeah, I was just nice Was that really what was going on? Yeah I never saw Unless you came at me I was never going to be the guy that was going to be the instigator pushing your face in the dirt and stepping on your hands

And doing all the dirty stuff like I just assumed let's say let's go have some fun My team's probably going to lose. I'm just trying to get a college scholarship out of this thing So let's let's see where we can get you know, well health. Okay here. I have so many questions for you But how all of us who signed up let's say you play pee we right you're in a little league You have the fantasy of like the nfl. So I was four So you're four and you're like, I want to play professional football And then you must have were you just laser focused for ever on this? I think you know being you know Laser focused and labeled add probably helped me. Uh-huh

I knew very very young what I wanted to do. I was like eight years old My dad's lawyer was sitting in the front of the house talking he played ball at northwestern So he had played some big division one college football. Sure little heath. What are you gonna do? I'm like, I'm playing the nfl and I said like it was nothing You know, I was like wow and I remember Mike crayons looking at my dad being like man A little guy just has no clue how hard it is to make it. Yeah, and I kid. He's just like Engrained in my mental DNA still to this day. Yeah, and um, and so I think about 13 or 14 I got really serious and my dad the marine came to me and said hey listen if I'm gonna be a good dad

Are you serious about these goals you have because if you are I need to be a good dad and help you achieve your dreams. Otherwise. I'm I'm not being the dad that I need to be I'm like, yeah, I'm serious So he made me basically sign a contract of my life away to do whatever He told me to do to get bigger stronger and faster And it worked and uh, so you guys got real serious about training though. Yeah that he works you out your your dad the marine Put together like a physical Yeah, daddy program for you. Is that what you're saying?

Well, he did all the strength stuff and then the stuff that he didn't know He'd point me in the direction like there was a guy in my church that played like 11 years in the league And so after eighth grade of spring football, you remember spring football They're about to move me to offensive line because I was a little short little chubby wasn't fast enough I'm like heck no So I asked my dad. I'm like we got to get faster points me to a guy in church And I asked him how do I get faster? He gave me a plan. I lived out that plan all summer. Honestly, I lived out that plan for years Um, but I came back after that eighth grade summer

Only lasted on jv a couple games because I had hurt a couple people and opposing teams were like you got to get him off That he's hurting all our kids So I might like I think maybe like two or three four games into my freshman year I got moved up to varsity and I was starting it on varsity as the running back in six months earlier I wasn't even fast enough to play jv running back so crazy But yeah, so dad and I always like if dad knew how to do it He would do it. Otherwise he'd be like no go ask for help But he taught me at a young age of like hey, humble yourself and go ask for help because nobody has all the answers

Go go find them. Yeah So part have been wonderful. Did you guys? Yeah, it wasn't wonderful when I was going through it, but but I'm thankful for it now Did you guys ever have the thing though the when you were at like because So we played at the like I said these smaller schools smaller division in florida Did you guys ever have that thing especially as you were getting better like maybe we should Send them to a bigger school where they you know My dad the no-nonsense guy We're never going to sacrifice your education and your spiritual upbringing for your football if you're good enough

They'll find you it sounded really gruff and barbaric at the time Yeah, I tell the I tell parents all the time now if your kids good enough I promise you so how they will find you how like here's the thing like because you always wonder this like when you If you observe or watch football and recruiting sometimes you see a kid Dynamite at a lower level school and you're like, yeah, but what about when so we're schools hesitant about you I don't know what and what your recruiting process was well I had florida state, you know, I'd gone to the florida state summer camps And so I'd gotten in front of bobby bowden and I'd gotten in front of some of these coaches that would leave florida state and go elsewhere

So I had some schools that were interested from really after my freshman year going into my my sophomore year I'd committed to And I say interested like it was all a bunch of verbal affirmation It never means anything until they give you like a written letter. Hey, this is your full scholarship offer We want you and so I'd committed to florida state. I wasn't even taking recruiting trips I was playing basketball just kind of doing my senior year deal And I was also like the idiot kid that didn't want to go on recruiting trips. I didn't want to miss workouts I was like the paranoid like

You know, everyone else is looking to go to the the the recruiting trips to go to the bars and go to the strip clubs Do all the stuff I'm like If I miss the workout someone might take my scholarship like that that was like my thinking as a kid Like I was like just you're never going to catch me on a bad day, you know, and so Um, but florida state pulled that offer off the table a couple weeks before signing day It's like, hey, we're going to put you at linebacker there and I'm like, no, you're not Because you're like, I definitely want to carry the ball. Yeah. Well, and I just I wanted to stay in the backfield I was a smart kid. I always do like hey, listen, you're a big white boy

Everyone's going to assume you can only play fullback. I just said I've already proven in the state of florida that I can play tailback And when I went to the you know, all the all star games Yeah, everyone's like I had to go there and prove myself against all the four or five six a talent Did that in a week's time. Um, I just always had the confidence that if someone I don't want anything given to me Give me an opportunity. Yeah, and then I'll take advantage of it. So I was realistic in my thought process about having to go earn it Um, but um, yeah, so florida state pulled that off wanted to put me at linebacker and then uh, so you say no Yeah, and what happens when that are they like I remember so mark rekt, you know, um, he

Was the office of coordinator just recently was the head coach at miami had been at georgia Um, he was the one that told me and it was me and my mom and dad sitting in our family room in our house in south florida And um, when he told me why I I started crying. I was so mad Like it was like the anger tears Like, you know the kid that you like this starts crying before he fights and he rips off all his clothes And those are the people you run from. Yeah, that was kind of where I was at But I wasn't going to fight him I marched out into my my weight room that I had in the house and just started going at it and my dad told mark rick

Yeah, I don't know what you're thinking That's probably gonna be the biggest mistake you ever made you just motivated that kid more than anything You know, and so wow then you go fast forward about three and a half years I run into mark rick mark rick tells me that bobby bowden had told him That was the biggest recruiting mistake they ever made really which was such a not like who raheeth But it was just like hey, no you took a punch in the face Turned it into hard work and then by the grace of god, you made something good come out of it. Yeah, and so Those stories are

The ones that you kind of hang your hat on and you teach your kids And you try to love on other people and kind of give them those examples with that's wild So when uh when he told you that, you know, you get upset you like obviously don't want to do that Did you already have an auburn offer? No, it's why everyone everyone knew like I mean all I mean from syracuse, ohio state Everyone that had kind of showed interest I'd been like i'm going to florida state. I mean and I didn't hide it Most people try to play the slick recruiting game process, you know, you kind of play it cool I might not I believe garnet and gold have always wanted to be derrick brooks was there deon sanders

And we know all these greats marvin jones a hundred percent go knows all the way like that's I mean like that's the cool That's true. We have for sure Christmas ornaments of the summonals. That's all I have man We probably still have them in the evans family house in florida somewhere because we work garnet and gold through and through and So yeah at that time, you know, we kind of had to put my name back out there on the map And so I took a trip to syracuse which us florida boys don't belong in syracuse new york I got off the plane and like the worst blizzard they'd had in like 10 years I'm like, no, thank you kind of go back home and they lost my luggage crazy some freezing up there for two days Um, and then the next week I went to alburn

And they they sealed the deal. It was yeah, it was an awesome trip. It was you know, it's funny though They recruited the heck out of me and here's what I mean by that So when I walk in the first I mean the first thing I remember out there's recruiting trip is my mom and dad went with me Everything else rodney allison was a running back coach and you imagine walking into this running back coaching room And he's got a whiteboard and on the whiteboard he has this You know statement written out. He's like, can you read boy? Like already already kind of coming at me like a marine would come at me And uh, I'm like, yes, sir. He's like we'll read that board

And I'm and it says Better off to have died as a small child than fumble the football Wow And uh, he's like, do you believe that I'm like I do now And uh, and so from that moment on they just started triggering my mind my my process and and how I worked and so and and he was you know for there is like, hey listen I don't think you can play tailback. I don't think you're good enough to carry the ball in the sec I do think you can be the best fullback that alburn's ever had and we've had some all american studs

We've had a bunch of guys go to the nfl. I don't think you have what it takes He's already messing with my mind. He's setting me up perfect just to know because he knows i'm a prove it guy Yeah, challenge me watch what happens and so they had through the recruiting process They had kind of gotten to know me they just didn't have a an opportunity to ever really sell me because I was just committed to Florida state so as soon as bobby bowden bowed out Um terry bowden who was the head coach at alburn at the time, you know got back in the game and um, so terry and his staff Um, they had us hook line and sinker, which is you know, we went to these private christian schools and so Jimbo fisher who's now the head coach at texas a&m. Yeah was my recruiting coach at alburn

funniest story first day of pads In refreshment year 1998 Um, I did something and jimbo was like you son of a bitch And he's and then he looks at me with these odd things. He's like, please don't tell your mama I said that you know they had they had gotten so close with my family in this recruiting process Right, right. They were like they had some like reverence and respect for my mom and dad It did so jimbo was like, oh, yeah, please. Please don't tell your mama Needles to say he didn't stop calling me that yeah, but uh, he had a colorful language i'm sure

He was animated but I grew up like my dad wasn't a cursor But my dad was passionate and he was marine corps driven. It was mindset. Everything was a mental challenge Everything was you always have a next level to up yourself. And so I love that. That's how I mean I was the bill bellichick. So when I got to bill like I was like, oh, I'm finally at home Really wait, well, let's go back though. Okay. We won't jump too far. Yeah. Yeah. So first of all, did you know that Our best player actually went to Syracuse. Really? Yeah, there was a few of her look What was his name? It was our daryl our daryl thomas. You always talk about our daryl. Well, he was like our I remember that name. Yeah. Yeah. So if you if you if I showed you the thing you would you would recognize him

He he was by far and he played with mcnav and and those that's awesome But okay, so here's my question. So I'm I know the the the games you're playing in in 2a football Yeah, so when you get to auburn like and you're finally playing with like these tequila spikes Yeah, first day of practice beast. Okay. Are you like what? She's like, yeah, I know I don't know but I kind of Tequila spikes his his neck is like my thigh. Yeah, all right. So and he was like Meat and cheese all all american all sec Um, no, he looked he looks like a nightmare. Oh my god. Okay, but just tequila you handsome devil

Yeah, look at the neck. Come on. You want no part of that. Absolutely, but like not not just like physically impressive But like that fucking neck he he was so athletic. It's so fast. And so we literally The first couple days the speed of the game was Because you're that you're so you're so separate. I mean for people You're so separate from everyone. You're basically playing around and with and against and then you get to a place where it's like It's a bunch of Top tier right savages. Yep. So I mean these guys are animals, right

The the best thing my dad ever did was like, you remember like, well, how well do you know like palm beach county? I know like lake idle park now So my dad would just like take me and drop me off like not in the hood But kind of the hood, you know and and be like a go go play some pick up basketball Drone just grown men. You know what I mean? Like All different, you know persuasions, you know, I mean, but but it was mostly a bunch of just big black great basketball players Just like that Just like that

But there, you know, I was 13 14 15 time, you know, maybe you're probably even younger when I first started But I was playing against 25 30 year old grown men that were fast and athletic They jump out of the gym and so I kind of always Like I was always here and then dad always forced me to play here Even in like pop Warner I was like the eight year old that weighed 100 pounds So I had to play with all the 10 and 11 year olds Right. So I kind of always up your game. Yeah, you know, and so when I got to the sec

I'm like, okay, this is just just one more time another ladder that we just got to climb again But this ladder but like their first day of pads though Because I I'll tell you this I mean again Clarify for me first day of pads at your point. You're wearing your protective like you're actually Right. So like where people are getting rid of knock me out before you go before pads It's like, you know, you're you're you're not wearing pads. It's like you're running. You're stretching You're you're like you're getting loose and they're like, we're gonna see who's a man here in a day So like like I remember like vividly from high school like there's big strong kids

But I seriously do remember that like hitting him Whether you were hitting him or he was hitting you was completely different than hitting other people. Seriously like I mean Felt it in your jaw. You could feel you could you feel in the back of your you felt it in your chest You're like Jesus Christ like every time it felt like it felt like a Mack truck You know, it's just like you just knew how to hit and you were a big strong dude and it fucking sucked Yeah, but I helped you up and told you good. Yeah, then you're like good job It was the weirdest I swear to you for someone to be like you were like, bam Like you make a play and you're like high five and then he's like, hey, that was a really good job. You're like

No, but it messed with him. See like he's still bothered by that. Yeah, they wouldn't hit me that hard next time We would be in in the hub like he'd tell you good job Yeah, so weird. So wait, so the night before you do your pads Yeah, or are you like can you sleep the night before are you fine? I always gotta be full of anxiety I've always been a good sleeper But like but there's always just that that excited anxious. Yeah. Yeah And and when I first got there that the freshman kind of report early So we got there three days before everyone else

So we were already kind of tired and fatigued a little bit They'd been running the mess out of us and then we get out there and then all the the real the real players show up The one that have been there doing that for the last couple years Um, but my my coaches were just such jerks to me And so like like the first day of pads I remember like my coach is standing out calling out the play So tequillo spikes the best linebacker in the country at time Can literally meet me on our side of the ball

I've never really blocked the day in my life. You know, I always carry the ball Yeah, and so man, I'm just getting destroyed But like I'm just I'm running in there full speed trying to knock people out But no form no technique never been taught how to do it and they're just testing my my mental aptitude How tough is he? Is he what we thought and so they push me and push me and push me Um, and uh, it worked and what was so like is the first time though you hit spikes, you know You're like, oh man, this is what's funny. So this isn't st. Edward. Yeah Not a chance the uh, um, I remember that first time

Jesus and and then I remember, um, throw up levon kirkland So my rookie year at seattle levon was like past his prime But sitting about 305 310 middle linebacker middle linebacker. Yeah. All right. So look at big 99 That was that that was the first blocking experience in the nfl in two days in my rookie year 2001 Now this monster. So those are my two first like hello. Welcome to the sec. Hello. Welcome to the nfl. Yeah. Yeah Now, but there's got to be a point I remember I imagined that like especially when you get probably on both levels But like when you first arrive

In big-time college football that there's got to be You know people on every team maybe every year who who are like, oh, shit This is more than I thought I could handle Oh, yeah And then but then there's the flip side of it is like is there's a day maybe it's that day where you go like All right, I I can handle this. Yeah, I'm gonna be all right here. Well, I went in It was probably some fake bravado and fake confidence But my dad had made me confident and I knew I'd put in the work

But I also knew physically I was as strong as anyone there Tequila was probably about the only guy on the team at the time that was stronger than me across the board Seriously, you were that strong as a freshman. Well, yeah, my dad. We just always were like we just it was like that paranoid mentality Like you just outperform at work everyone that way like maybe they have more talent But they haven't put in the work, you know, and then so you'll be smarter and tougher And so that will win out in the end you relied on your work ethic. Absolutely You know, we're not let's ever if you make it to the sec or the pros everyone's got athletic ability But but it but the higher you get on that ladder

The athleticism it's more about the detailed the hard work right disciplined or you are Are you going to blow it in the fourth quarter or can your coach trust you in your fourth quarter? The elite teams every year, you know, we'll get to the the Patriots stuff Bill could care less about your athleticism Are you going to screw it up into fourth quarter the Super Bowl? And if you are you're not going to be here if I can't trust you if you're not mentally and physically tough You don't belong there. I don't care. How good athlete you are, right? Let me ask you though

What do you think separates the people that can handle handle the fourth quarter pressure from those who can't? Because we go to these games man. Like we just go these Laker games And I'm like how the fuck are these guys playing with people screaming at you With the pressure with all this money with everything on the line The the century old battle of nature and nurture, you know, I think it's more nurture I think you can raise champion. I'm I'm proving it with my two daughters. I think you can you raise Championship caliber people, you know, not just athletes The people like I tell Eva Naomi all the time. Listen, if you if you can just be mentally tough

You're growing up in a world Like you'll rule the world because you're growing up in a world full of cupcakes and snowflakes Absolutely If I can teach you how to tell yourself no and discipline yourself tell yourself no to things that you know You don't need to be doing or wasting time doing or partaking in like you're gonna rule the world because we just this society is like it don't even get me started on that stuff, but Champions are made Michael Jordan being cut from his basketball team what that flipped off in his mental psychology

Just shipped his shoulder Through all the NBA championships. He always had I listened to his coach tell stories about the way he thought about himself We live in this like You know Love yourself self talk boost yourself up. No Michael's a patient awards Michael was in his head by your garbage someone's catching you someone's gonna take you someone's better Even so and then it drives him it drives him and drives them. So those are things that I think You just got to nurture in people, you know self-loathing is a wonderful tool

And and doubting yourself David Letterman. I read a book about him in high school After every taping of the his show letterman show he go home and watch it and hate everything He had said and done that night and it compelled him to be better and funnier and better and funnier I'm sure there's an extreme to that but like I that's more my type Me too. I mean my dude MJ's famous, um hall of fame Induction speech you watch and you're like he's still Mad. Oh, he's still on it. He's still carrying. Yeah after his whole career. He was like, fuck you guys Yes, yes, he's still like people are like you're Michael

He was crying and he's just like and to this guy and like he's still good for him holding it on to it And that's why the argument of the greatest ever is null and void and anyone that even tries to argue anyone but him I work out with even like magic and in golds over in venice that that type of championship mentality Like this day and age. Well, let's go buddy up and win a trophy together. Oh, yeah, I want to vomit and punch you in your throat Yeah, like these like Like these aren't men. I'm like Ava. You're not allowed to marry a LeBron James Like we're marrying real men around this house. You know what I mean? Like it boggles my mind like who would like I might have patted you on the head and been like good job

Yeah, but I never would have been like let's get nice Let's buddy up and go win a trophy to get no like even like Benjamin tried to recruit me to come over there Yeah, you know, I mean like and I'm like No, I hate you guys You know and so I don't I don't get all that stuff, you know, and they hate a strong word But it's kind of I had one of my best games against Benjamin. Yeah Now, you know, I had I got to find this I'll just this like my my all-time highlight is against Benjamin because I I'm telling you man

What do you remember what year? It would have been my junior year. So 96. Okay. So 96 I I shed the blocker running back comes at me. I hit him. I ripped the ball out of his arms Go the other way. Yeah, so and then I get a Second one later. So I stripped two two guys and I and then the best is at the highlight Of the time where I strip it and run I run off to the sideline and the Benjamin coach just takes his headset The Ron Reem Yes, so 96 or Jimmy Clark and all them boys would have already been gone. I'm trying to think who's uh Wait, did you play against glades by the way? Oh, yeah, they fucked up our whole shit. Oh, they I never beat them

I I hated them. I hated them. I went to the hospital Yeah, seriously, and they were dirty. They were dirty. They were racist. I can say it They were I don't know for super openly racist It was all these like country boys And then and I remember like the speech we got from our coach before that and they're like these guys are not playing around This is before the game. We're like, what kind of speech is this? And then they were like they would come to the line and we have you know There's a black guy on this side of me a black guy on that side of me and they're straight up

Like saying like saying crazy racist shit. And by the way the guys in our those two guys on my team were like, what's going on? like What have you stayed up for themselves dag? No, they were like, uh, well, they massacred us they massacred us My junior my senior year we had a closer game and then we met him again in the playoffs But we lost every time and I they killed us too. I played him in the state semifinals My senior year somehow I had like 200 yards and we had six points to show for it Yeah, I'm like, how do we get this many rushing yards that can't score points? Yeah, no it was it was it was bad. But yeah, they had a crew out there. They were well coached and

Well, by the way, so I told you this in uh in the lobby there But like your success is it's funny like when somebody from like even the area or like a team that you play against It became a thing where you know, I go off to school. I'm not playing football, but we're all From different cities when you go to college or from different places and then you know, we would be watching Sports center or just talk watching football games and I'd be like, oh, that's you know We played against him and then as you you know, you get drafted in the NFL I still remember like talking to just like high school friends being like you see Heath man He's in the NFL now. Isn't that crazy? I mean that day for you and your dad must have just been like

The most amazing feeling it was special. I mean mama Evans played a played a huge part too She was she was a real tough one Like she was the one that had to feed me and put up with all you know But she's also the one on like the high school vhs tapes like where I lay on the ground like a half a second too long Get up. He you're not hurt. Are you serious? I'm like, hang mom. I'm just trying to catch up a breath. I'm tired here You know, but yeah, she's like I'm carrying this whole team Do you not see that I don't get to come off the field mom? So but uh, yeah, man, I had my high school coach

I just I was so I just had so many good men that poured into me I had a lot of mentors and I had a lot of good men That even today just like despite all the screw-ups and just everything else like they were just in my corner Yeah, man, we just love you We're gonna support you no matter what when lose your draw NFL or not Like we just love you that's cool And they would also kick me in the face when I needed to be kicked in the face for being stupid You know and so those are the best type of people to have around you. So draft day though

Are you home? Do you do it from? I mean we did it in in uh an albert in alabama. He went to albert So we just it was easier to have mom and dad and kind of a few people from palm beach come up And have it there where all my boys were and you know, just you know, so many people that we we wanted to celebrate with You know, even the coaches at that point. So Yeah, we were we're in alburn and you know waiting around and Third round finally came and and we went now when you finally okay, so The jump from From 2a to alburn is enormous

But do you feel then Because you're playing obviously three years of sec ball. You feel pretty ready then for the NFL It wasn't as big of a jump right, you know, you're like just the best of the best Yeah, high school to sec was like it was a whirlwind. It was night and day and then from the sec And no, so it's not disrespect to the NFL. I mean obviously to jump, but it just wasn't as significant Sure, you know and alburn we were just locked and loaded at the time with talent I mean after seeing to keel run around and practice and like everything else was slow Because he was one of the best linebackers to do it in the NFL for

14 15 years, whatever he did Do you have because you played it's a first of all how amazing it is to have a 10-year Career in the end for people that don't know, you know people the average career is two three seasons So you're playing more than three times the average career. Do you have uh from your memory? People who you're like man that sucked to always face this guy. Yeah, it's it's never people always ask about ray lewis Yeah, you know or brian urlacher and listen all all beast, you know, yeah, but it's funny because Urlacher had a guy right next to him named lance briggs lance briggs war number 55 I was about 255 pounds lance was about 235 pounds

We were both about six foot lance was probably six one But god just made him better than me period in his hips were more powerful He could hit harder he could explode if you put us in a 40 I'd probably beat him in a 40 But for some reason when we hit he just wanted to separate my shoulder Both of them. Yeah, and he separated my left one and my right one really And I only had three games against him ever in 10 years The joker was like you know about when I hit you you're like, oh man that guy just hit different when you hit lance

It's like man. This is like a bank vault like I just like yeah And it shatters your spine. You're kind of like you really separated your shoulders both Absolutely ac joints I'm like dang and they're like the separations that you got to play through because you can't be a you know Sissy and tap out with them. So like oh god. No, I gotta play the rest of this game with the busted up shoulders Yeah, and he was just an absolute beast. Yeah, that's the best description I have of Remembering hitting you is like hitting a door. It was like somebody shut a door doesn't move. Yeah Um, yeah, it sucks so much

The like the but the ed reads. Yeah, those are the guys that you they those ones hurt the most So like when you are when you're carrying a ball when you catch the ball in the open field and you're running It's never the linebackers or really big halody natas or it's not those big dudes It's it's the dbs that are like 205 that are running a 4 3 40 that are like heat seeking missiles. Yeah, and they never want to hit me up high So of course they're going to put their helmet inside of my thigh somewhere And it those you just you hate them You know one thing that never like you don't understand like when you play like the little league stuff you you you watch

You're like, how is this possible? Is that you see these guys in the NFL who are obviously the biggest and fastest and strongest guys? With no leg pads. You're like, how does how do they survive this man? Not me I asked the same question or the guys that didn't really tie up their cleats. How do you play an NFL game and run out of Your shoes like I just don't get it. There's a sir. They're just better than them. I'm good They're just better athletes and like like your quads and like exposed and they're like, yeah They just wanted to be lighter

I'm like, listen if we were track stars, I'd get it like when they line up for the hundred meters And they've got earrings and sunglasses and jewelry. I'm like, why wouldn't you take that five? But like hardly anyone does it, right? You see I watch games and I'm like, no one's got leg pads I'm telling you now they got some rules. They got to throw a black pad in there and little hip pads But they're still not protecting anybody so All right, you're in you're in Seattle Let's the big obviously everybody wants to talk about you you play for the patriots

And like that's become, you know, the most polarizing organization in the NFL But you play for this legendary Team now and the most legendary iconic coach of our era by far What's it like? Here's the thing that that that becomes like cliche almost is that people Be like patriots. Well, there's the patriot way. What's that? It means everybody does their job but like Is it really the the fact that people go there and they just Want like you either are buying into a certain way of doing things or you're not

Yeah, well, it's the Belichick way for one and then I know people have labeled labeled it the patriot way And that's that's cute and all that stuff, but it's bill's way. It's bill's way and Um, he's been the mainstay, you know, obviously brady's been the mainstay as well So both deserve equal amount of credits, but brady will be the first one to tell you too that the the mental processes that he goes through to prepare to win on sunday to you know, have the six rings that he has Bill taught him the majority that stuff now bill, you know Drafted brady because he knew he was a mental monster here. He knew it physically. Yeah, you're kind of lacking brady But we can probably do something with his mind and arm, you know, and now we've seen what he can do 20 years later

Um, but the the Belichick way is simply put I'm going to do all the work I'm going to sacrifice all the hours of sleep. I'm going to sacrifice all the man hours. I'm going to sacrifice everything So you guys can go get the glory Trust me Don't worry about you and your stats Buy into team first mentality and then I promise you I'll make you the best player you can be But you got to trust me and you got to do what you're told to do

So ultimately you got to submit to authority But bill's never going to take credit and he'll be the first one 18 and one super bowl. He'll be the first one. I screwed this team my fault not your boys I let you down my I I didn't I didn't adjust the way that I needed to this loss is on me And not for a second. Did you believe it was just lip service? He believed it He lived it every single day. And so in that environment, you only survive there if you can submit to authority Yeah, and you can humble yourself to trust the process because that process is going to change every week How do we beat Buffalo this week? How do we beat the chiefs this week? How do we beat?

Uh, whoever it is, it's going to change every week So every week you got to come back in and be like, all right What bill's going to teach this week and then just buy into it Now, what's here's the thing because like that's a great explanation But I always wonder this about somebody who's as successful as him or like, you know On the college level you see like Sabin urban Meyer stuff is you go. All right. So these guys You know have their system. They stay up late. They don't go home like like the other coaches How are the other

Coaches not adopting or mimicking this well enough after this time like why does it only work here? Well, it's hard to teach a lot of like so bill's photographic memory I mean he will he'll pull a play with Lawrence Taylor out of his brain from the mid 80s And then go coach, you know his you know a linebacker that doesn't even know who Lawrence Taylor is And then that will make bill's brain explode and then he'll probably cut that player because he doesn't know football history Well enough, but I'm just playing but but but there is this um mental genius and bill

that can Know your personality. Know yours. No mine. Know everyone out there waiting in the lobby And within 10 or 15 minutes of moving and interacting He's going to coach you totally different than coach me and coach you totally different than coach both of us So he'll switch it up and he might be in your grill And then he might just kind of come grab me around the waist Not being super nice, but more loving me up a little bit And then three days later

He might know you need something else And then he's going to come at you all soft and lovey-dovey and come at me all hard But the best thing about bill is there's not a lot of people that can mother f tom brady in a in a team meeting room And when you're in new england If if you're the superstar You get coached harder than everyone else And if you're the 53rd man on the roster or maybe like the 35th guy on the roster like I was Then you're going to be in this staggered scale of your level of accountability and how hard you get come down on because

he knows Ultimately me at 35 man on the roster is going to follow brady at number one in the roster So if brady's not challenged and he's not working and he's not being held accountable, then you create this level of Um inconsistency. Yeah, and so that's a gift in itself But then judging talent And when when I got cut from the dolphins bill's like, oh, I can I can make something work out of him No, no one's no one knows how to do what I know how to do with heath Took him took him a year

converted me into a totally different player that Um, everyone thought was a possibility when they drafted me But my combi didn't know how to do it. Nick Saban didn't know how to do it And bill showed the world how to do it. Really? That's amazing. No, no, it's um, so by the way, brady gets it then in meetings from bellichick. Everybody gets it. Really? Yeah now um, there's just I remember it was oh seven we smoked the team by like 50 points and uh

bill comes in and He's mouthing off at brady about something about Trying to remember how it started, but he's like if you weren't so worried about you and giselle's next gq magazine Maybe just just maybe you wouldn't have thrown that interception. What is this christmas? It's it's october brady christmas come earlier something I can go somewhere for foxboro high and get somewhere to throw that ball better than you like so We just like going at it, you know Now here's the thing about people don't realize all the people that come out like the uh Marsh cassius marsh these losers that come in there and like old places no fun yada yada yada

Man when you're a winner in your heart, there's no better place to play There's no more fun because we're all dying. I mean when he's getting on brady You got maganist over there You got brusky of rabble all my old boys that were there all laughing dying laughing because brady's getting it now brady's pissed as can be because bill's going in his chest Now you knew it was coming and and you and if it was like a monday morning meeting after a game That you knew you we had won, but you knew there was like probably two plays mistakes. Yeah Oh lord. No, he doesn't miss anything all hellfire and brimstone is coming at you

And that's just what it was and so he would go through we call them low light reel meetings because like most most most teachers Most coaches have highlight reel. No, no, no, we don't have those in new England. Yeah low light reels Do you remember getting it? What? Yeah I I had this great game when I first got there He comes in and throws on the field or on the film and I had caught a ball spun made the first guy miss Made an open field move made a second guy miss turned 10 12 yards out of like what should have been a two or three yard catch Hey Gale sears

I brought you here for your for your physical toughness. Who do you think you are? This I don't ever want to see this again It was a 12 yard like I had made a great play And he all he was trying to do was trying to ingrain in my mind Hey, listen, you're here to beat people down when you get the ball in your hands I want you to physically impose your will because we have other backs that can do what you just did so your piece of the puzzle Is you beat people down when you have the ball in your hand and then we've got kevin falk

We've got cori dillon. We've got others to kind of do the dancing stuff. Yeah, quit your dance moves, kid But I'm like, oh, man, you see the sweet movies big big boy dancing. No I'm like And no one else really does that right like no other coach Not be like not like that not like that because like sean patin will get into everybody I mean, I loved my two years in new Orleans. Obviously won my ring there everything else, but But he's never going to rip drew breeze that way, you know, no way, but there's but there's also very few superstars that can take that type of

You know humbling process about You know, are you trying to get better? Do you think you've you've arrived? The problem is most people think they've arrived and they don't want that type of coaching. They're too thin skin They're too sysified. They're the two just whatever and they don't want to be great You don't last there if you don't want to be great I remember that um, it might have been that so maybe the year that you were there I'm not sure or the year that you guys went 18 and one is um, is that the year that uh, he had like 50 touchdown passes and

And moss had like 29 All kinds of records So I remember that the following year I might have some details of this off But moss had insane numbers and the next year Just like week three or something He had he said something in the press about like Either catches or contract or something and the next week he was gone and you're like what? It took a little bit longer than that

But yeah, I mean and and I always take a I always want to praise randy because randy came in at 07 Yeah, it helped our team is a brilliant football player one of the smartest players I've ever played with and worked hard um but you You always see different wounds in people like can you look at someone's history and they're upbringing and you're like, okay Now I see why they move and react that way. I see why they respond to authority that way I see why they they they can get so easily offended, you know, and so I love randy. I mean, he just he was a great teammate Great man great file. He just he's just an awesome dude. Um, but

He got offended over about his his contract price And it kind of let him boil up in his heart and then you know before too long he was gone And that's something that's what's so unique about the Patriots, too Is that they'll be like oh it doesn't matter who you are We'll just let you go because like it's I always explain like this. Are you gonna let one cancer cell start floating around in your body? Not a chance if you know, it's there you're gonna go kill that thing and you're gonna do whatever Because because you know one is going to become 75 right and that's the way a team works That's how people don't treat the team mentality that way

So like I don't care if you're a fortune 500 company. My buddy owns top golf, you know, it's a five billion dollar business There's a lot of the same thought process of like I don't care if it's the HR person in the office in new york Like it's going to eventually affect the office in seattle. So get rid of our Our our our process of thinking like we we don't tolerate Um me me me personalities. We don't tolerate. You know, what about my stats? We don't tolerate, you know pride We don't tolerate anything other than what's best for the team. Yes. We have that problem with josh potter here Fire josh but

Uh, do you realize by the way you you telling me the fsu part you and randy moss could have been fsu teammates Yeah, it was randy randy's older than me case randy hears this just one year though, right? I think I think uh I don't know. I think randy's got two years. Maybe two years. Yeah, because he was 90 99 draft, right? Yeah, you might be right. Yeah Really? Yeah I don't know after that. Can I tell a randy moss story for sure So, um, you know, I had moan charity for years

Raised a lot of money to help victims of sexual abuse. We would do these private golf tournaments down and at the breakers And it was just a nine hole. I hated golf, you know, but it was the easiest way to raise money from rich people So, um, especially palm bees Exactly. So we would do this just nine hole golf course and I would bring in randy and brady and mr Kraut all these different people and then people would pay 10 15 25 thousand dollars to golf with them And then it was going to a great cause Well, we're like three or four holes in and this lady on the golf cart comes by with all the gatorades and the peanut m&m's and all the stuff is out there and stops at randy's hole and um, you know, she is like

She's 15 months pregnant. She's she's ready to pop. She is like randy, you know Is the tobacco and his you know, my girl. I'm a daddy. You can't be out here in this florida humidity It's bad for the baby. You got to get home. Oh, no, sir. It's fine. I can't I can't do I'm fine the doctor said I've got I got kids. I know you can't be on your feet like this You know, he's like touching her belly and stuff like just sweet as can be It's like sir, I need to work. Doctor says fine randy whips out a wad and I mean a wad of hundred dollar bills And just hands it to the girl and tells her to go home now He knew she couldn't go home. She's not gonna just leave but but that's the randy that that's why I hate the media

Like what's so bad about fake moon and somebody in green bay? I know absolutely nothing so silly But we vilify people like I don't care like you can look at it in politics You can look at it anywhere across the world Like we vilify people for stuff that like if we're ever willing to look at ourselves like I've mooned somebody before Not just fake moon. I've mooned. It's shame culture, man. Yeah, you know, I mean and that's it But it's just like oh like oh mighty me. I'm like, have you not looked in the mirror lately? Because I've done some screwed up stuff. So who might ever pass judgment on anybody for to go after him for the fake Like people I'm horrified that he would do that

Isn't there that fake there is that air of fake righteous indignation? Especially in the NFL too, right? Like I mean look, I'm not an expert by any stretch I just kind of overhear what tom watches all the time And um, like I know these names. I know the name tom Brady. I know bill bellichick But like when somebody loses even and the press interviews them It's like you're not even allowed to just be like, yeah, we fucked that up Fucking mad at myself. Like they have to be like that's a $15,000 fine right there Two f-words by the way. Can you hold that up for our camera? Because we always have a water champ battle going battle

So that's the water you gotta stay hydrated. Yeah, you look like you look like you really let yourself go Um Jesus I saw your workout stuff on instagram. I'm like is he going back like you look I mean you're jacked Well, he looks jacked through a dumpy sweatshirt. I know, you know what I mean? Yeah That's why I know you're in shape. Why she's gotta call my sweatshirt dumpy. Yeah, you know what I mean? I sell these Thank yeah, it's a lovely sweatshirt. I'm saying like you're dressed down and we can see that you're clearly She's saying that I don't look the same way in this one. Nobody looks that way. By the way, um Nobody looked that way. This is um, we're both south florida high school football alums

This is a clip of uh, did your coach talk like this was in this is a high school football bill bell. I check this is not bill But um person out tom brenner. Look at number 11 shoulder pads. Huge. Yeah, let's hear this. Yeah Face in my house. This is straight than me. I gotta do something about it. My family right there, bro I gotta protect my mama. My mama sitting in the stands, man Your person right now there in your house, man. Your mama in the fucking stands Sounds like my this is like me in my house and grab a fucking grab a fucking remote control That's exactly what they did. They come in your house grab a fucking remote control Derek willis and control your fucking tv and your mom for the house

TV that can't run in the house Put on the son shit you got on It's that fuck you There you go. You ready to play? I mean, he'd be fired this day and age, right? He can't even can't even say that you can't you can't even talk tough to people anymore. That sounds like michael ervin Is that what ervin is? It's like ervin is gonna give a pregame speech down to south florida because that's another south florida boy. Yeah That's probably so that is uh, miami north western high. Hey, it's a well-known

School and that guy's son, uh played in the nfl that coach. That's that is tim harris coach tim harris Yeah, okay, son tim harris jr. I believe is his name corner in the might be still be in the league. Yeah, um, he ended up coaching over at A book or tea which is also in miami and then he ended up being a canes db or running backs coach. Wow Yeah, this speech is one of my favorites. I always think about it one before show in the opening of your mom's house Yeah, absolutely. I those are the speeches that I would look back at like I don't really know what he just said but I'm kind of ready to go hit somebody. Yeah, yeah

Did you have speeches that you're like that was nuts? I mean, I always feel bad kind of telling this story, but juniors say I was just such a great human being So god rest his soul, but I remember kevin falcon. I in 2006 being on our knees like before a game and juniors was giving us like this Hurrah speech And I remember kevin looked at me when we were when juniors got down. He's like I don't have a clue what he just said But I'm ready to play some ball And it was like because it was hard to follow. Yeah, but it was just junior like it was 55 up there

Making a hoopla out of nothing. I mean it was probably a team that we ended up smoking. Yeah, like buffalo bills or something like that, but you know But uh, uh, yeah, buffalo you could just send the practice squad, right? I mean We had some we had some doozies up there and good old raff Wilson. It was uh, it was always too cold There was some famous. What was the um, who was the eagles head coach that was uh A black head coach herm. No Maybe it wasn't maybe it wasn't with the eagles this God damn it. I figured josh would know try to think of it. Was it like a Not the cardinals. It was a there was a pregame like this dude looked no nonsense

um There was this one of the guys told me a Denny um, not not Denny Man crown him. You want to crown him? No, uh No, no, I remember that speech this speech was not broadcast. Okay, and the whole thing would have been beeped out Yeah, the whole thing. Well the the the The the the version I was told was that it was halftime And this coach everybody was like

Looking around and talking and then everyone got quiet. He was just staring at them and he was like He told them that the other team Was fucking their mothers and their wives and they were like, uh And he said like across the line. Yeah, you were like you would have crossed the line for me too Yeah, but what dude and then said like he had zero respect for any of them And then he was like all right second half. Let's go Oh my god And then home grin you played for home grin. I did I heard that um

I was told that on the I guess it was the game Maybe it was a super bowl or the game before the super bowl that he played in last Was that are you were you on that team or no? That when they went to the uh, oh five was my first year. Okay, so when that um at that halftime that he had just In the locker room unveiled like a million in cash and was like get this money. Oh my gosh And then and then I guess you know players were like, yeah, let's get that money But then they didn't get that money. I don't know off to ask Sean Alexander about that I haven't heard that story that doesn't that sounds more like a uh

That sounds more like a Sean Peyton that it does uh a mike home grin, but uh, yeah Who knows I might not put that past mike. That's it's pretty Intense you have a locker room question. I have so many questions. Oh, let's hear them. Let's get to the hard hitting Okay, okay number one like I said a very cursory knowledge of football, so let's preface it. What does cursory mean? I'm just I'm not sure. It's a big word. I just did um You guys wear those tights Like the tight pants. What is that? Yeah, they're what's the fabric and how sweaty does your junk get? It's gotten a lot better since I've I left so when I came into the league

It was all Reebok, which was hot garbage stuff this stuff weighed like seven pounds When it's trying to get that sponsorship gone. Yeah, no, no They they couldn't pay me to represent Reebok back in the day, but um I was a Nike guy through and through but um It's now that stuff is like so like the the ladies pants that you guys wear that tries to make everyone's booties look better Yeah, it's it's a lot like that stuff now and Nike has mastered the lightweight feel of that before I forget Ray Rhodes Was the guy that allegedly said that you know Philadelphia. Okay, so All right, Ray Rhodes looks like he does not fuck around. Can we pause for us? Let's table. That's important discussion. Here's a here's a Ray Rhodes

Yeah, I want her to see who allegedly and I'm saying allegedly. No, no, no. I have no RHO DES is the last name I have no doubt that that ray probably said that so ray was a defensive coordinator during my day in Seattle And so that that's my man right there click click at one of those like imagine That guy's not fucking around go up to the one The next one over to the right where he's in the Seattle Seahawk one. I love coaches. Yeah That one right there. Oh There we go. So this is during his Seattle Seahawk days. All right, so he comes into the cafeteria with me one day and says heath you know

When i'm done smoking cursing And cheating on my wife I'm gonna become a minister I didn't so you gotta remember i'm a rookie. Yeah, I didn't know whether to laugh Yeah, I didn't know what he was doing like we like me and shine alexander a bunch of others and just like come out of come Out of bible study, you know, and i'm like, is this a setup and i'm like if i if i laugh or if i don't laugh I'm gonna get cut, you know, but yeah, that that that's ray rhodes for you

So I have no doubt that he gave that speech really see now that no doubt he gave that they are fucking your wives and mothers Yeah With much more of a grumbled aggressive voice Um, but back to my question What is it made out of span not spandex? It's it's probably spandex lycra, but that stuff is so nice now It's so like just form fitting our stuff was a little bit more rugged. You know, um, that stuff like you Sorry, but a quick question because I see sometimes butt crack I actually see their butts if they're wearing white tights. Yeah, why don't you wear panties with your

Leggings, what do we call them because you are you're asking questions about how sweaty things get panties You know will then cause you to chafe in all the not good areas So maybe a good jockstrap, but this day and age those pants are so thin. I'm like They really need to start putting stuff away. I'm like, ain't nobody trying to see that I see all their stuff and I like it. Yeah, I mean kudos for you. You know what I mean? That's the best part of football for me is seeing their stuff I mean, I don't think any of us can avoid frank gore's stuff. It's everywhere It's falling out of time or two falling out. I mean, you see the booty. There's like people putting their drinks on his

Frank gore. I'm not sure who this player Frank gore is one of the best running backs to ever play the game Miami hurricane. He's been in the league for 33 years. Yeah, 37 years. You know, but Oh, this guy he's got a lot. He's got a lot of stuff He's just but but there again, like I just don't even know how that stuff's comfortable. You know, I mean It is what it is even get a full body shot. Yeah, man, right telling you the stuff the junk and the stuff Oh, yeah, it's everywhere. Oh, I think I see you. Oh lord I'm there Yeah

But yeah, the nike's done a great job with the it breeds it a little more. They're not Yeah, the rebuck there was nothing breathable about about those uniforms So then what happened to your twig and your berries and did it get Chafed honestly, it was held in in a better position because like wait, did you wear jockstrap? Oh, yeah I always wanted jockstrap like I mean a We've all been hit there. I mean you haven't been wait. Did you wear a jockstrap and not a cup? Yeah, never a cup. No, it was too bulky. Like anything is is My thighs are so big as soon as I put the iPads on

I couldn't get hit in the junk. You know, so yeah Um, I don't know anyone that's ever worn a cup. Do any fat white offensive linemen have a big dong I mean people are thinking like why is he thinking about this? Well, because we showered again Like that was my next subject is don't because basically big fat white guys You know, listen, it's all it's it's funny. The big boys are normally the ones that you know, it's like fat people Like you have issues. You need to lose weight to for appearance sake. Sure Them little little Wayne looking dudes. Those are the ones you got to watch out for Hey, stay on the other side of the shower. Yeah, I'm questioning my manhood. Yeah, I mean, well, I was gonna that's my next

I'm highly uncomfortable right now. Yeah, I know This is what this whole interview was about Y'all just baited me into this. This is all we care about. Yes. Well our listeners care Important stuff. I mean, so you've you've been on several professional teams. You've changed with a lot of players And what tell me who's got the biggest dogs In the nff. I had a lot of concussions. Yeah You know, yeah, how's your brain? Oh, my brain's good. Is it yeah, negativity cells Do you have a very good stuff's true about brain stuff? No, no, I don't you know, I just don't I mean

I was at nfl network for seven years. There was 30 plus of us there that all played 8 10 15 years William McGinnis at linebacker kurt warner quarterback fullback Not one of us. You know one guy complained about headaches here and there. Yeah, but of that whole population study Yeah, that had all been out of the league now Four or five years. Yeah, some guys were 50 plus some guys were 35. None of us have issues So that whole concussion movie was full of a bunch of garbage nonsense You know, it's it's it's media day and age like it's you know clickbait stuff

Like people just negativity cell fear cells and it's hurting our game And that's what I really hate about it because I think it's the greatest game in the world And I think what football teaches Young boys how to become young men how to be tough men that can Lead by example and push through pain whether it's emotional pain physical pain Our game it hurts a game because people believe lies and the numbers just don't support it, you know Whether it's early onset dementia all-time or suicide rate drug use alcoholism all our numbers are better than the average male population that never played in the nfl

and the nfl doesn't want to do anything to defend itself and Um, it is it is what it is. But when you when you just let people control the narrative and you don't deliver truth Yeah, that's what you get that being said. Do you feel like defensive backs have the biggest ding dong? Right all players. Yes, probably. I don't know I don't want you to put your okay. Maybe don't tell me who has the biggest But let's let me ask my question, sir Is it is the stereotype true or false that Black men have bigger donks than it's true. It's true and false. Okay. You've seen you've seen both see. Yeah

Do you think there's a correlation? yonah Let me question the witness Now is there a correlation between Hand size and foot size and don't size. Well foot size and don't size. I have he wasn't doing a project They're like we're in the weeds now. Come here, man. See your hands Well, let's see the feet. I would I would say no Because again, it was most the little guys and most little guys would have probably small hands and small feet

See so you can't the whole point of this study is to say that it's not always that six five Does it mean? Oh, no, most time it's the opposite. What? I thought we're going to law and order special victims. I feel like a victim right now Yeah, well, thanks for playing along with that But you're saying that there is no correlation that the the big guys you think would have impressive junk's don't Yeah, most time it's the exact opposite. See there you go. Now. Um, one other thing before before we wrap up There's there's actually two things first of all Money wise because we were talking about this. What's this like?

I have to go back to like you and I are the same age. We graduated high school together You enter the workforce as a professional athlete So you go from being like, I don't know probably like splitting pizzas with guys or something At auburn to be like checkers burgers at auburn. Here's a check right and you're 22 or something. I don't know 22 so Like what's the dumbest shit you bought? Did you buy anything stupid? You got to remember like I was a fullback So like even and I was third round which third round is basically like the first round for full backs Like everyone there's people telling me because I ran a 4 4 40 and all this

Oh, you're going the first round. My agent was the coolest agent in the world. Heath You're not going to the first round You don't even need to start watching until maybe the late end of the second round You're probably going to go in the first few picks of the third round. He was right, you know, so Um I I just took the check and then went to training camp But yeah, you talk about so my signing bonus my original one was like 500 something thousand You guys pay taxes in this crazy country. We live in so let's uh, we're going to go deposit

250,000 after everyone has been paid then you pay your agent and everything else. So I'm never complaining about the money I made. I played 10 years made great money. Yeah But the most guys on the roster from, you know, 30 through 53 honestly probably 20 through 53 Aren't making millions a year. Right. So I mean my my best year Ever was my my last couple and you know, I was making about a million bucks a year and that was amazing money It's amazing. Well, wait, it's not like everyone's like, oh, you make like 10 12 million dollars a year. No, no, no Those are the quarterbacks. You know what I mean? Um, and people always, you know, pay your agent pay your prc. You pay this. Can you tell me you're just always responsible?

No, I wasn't my my ex-wife spent it all All right, I mean, honestly the craziest stuff I ever bought was probably for her. Oh, yeah, really for her Yeah, what was the craziest thing you ever bought her? cars Levergeenies no Escalades Range Rovers. Yeah. Yeah, you know, that's um stuff like that. You know, maybe but but my my my rookie year Christmas Like I went what's up with it like that chain right there. Yeah Um, you know, I'm saying but it was all the stuff that I bought for that. I didn't know I bought for that really hurt me

Oh, dear. It's like you you go you go into they're like, man. Why does half the closet still have tags on all the stuff? Are we gonna wear this anytime soon? Yeah Yeah, so I got all my clothes free from Nike. So that's kind of cool. I was like whatever When you're a athlete like do they just ship you you're just telling what you want It depends like so I was a Nike athlete my 10 years So, you know, you have a catalog or a website going along on and then they just they send you the stuff You have a based on your contract, you know, you have a certain allotment that you can spend might be 10 15 thousand dollars a year Some guys it's unlimited

You know, it was cool being in Seattle because we had the Nike town downtown So we could just you know call ahead and have my agent call and go down the Nike town take my daughter shopping or That's awesome dude. That's great. That's a cool perk. So that that stuff's um You know that that was always, you know fun stuff to do but you know, that's cool I still should have played, you know, I'm back or something a lot more cooler than fullback. That would have been Bigger checks. Yeah, much bigger checks. Yeah, dude. That's awesome Um, you have anything else? Well, I mean, I feel like I asked the hard-hitting stuff I know here's uh, all right. Here's my special treat ready

I was able to get uh footage of us For my senior year. Oh, wow You're okay. I've never seen you play tommy. I had to I had to call Oh my god So some of these have heaths some don't but there are so I think this play is this play with heath or not? You tell me the ones that he's in. Yeah. So the first four that we're gonna see are just tom. Oh, great Yes, friend the last three are gonna be with you. All right. All right. Okay. What number's tom? Uh 69

It was for the fattest person on the team That's really what they had it for 69. All right. We got the highlight dot and everything. Yeah, man Let's see I already lost you. Let's see. All right. Great great gang tackle there There you go, there's sigua That's fantastic Meet and choose gang tackle. Look at you, dude. So there's 89. That's 89. You see, okay?

He's the one that played a Syracuse. Awesome. 78 played at Howard. I'll give you a few guesses about About those two guys why they played at the next level. All right, keep going What's this here? This is this is a part. Oh, I know what's happening here. They told me they were gonna do this So we've got a safety and then she's sick. I'm looking for a high five and they Fuck those guys See look, I'm still looking for a high five No, but

There you go. It happened to Brady too, right? Oh, yeah, that's the kind of the worst, right? All right, what a high five Thanks for the slow-mo 26 All right Good to go What's this one here? Oh, is this with heath? No, that's still you You get them taken down and you're getting taken down. Excellent. All right, let's see this That's a chop. Oh, that's a chop. That's illegal. That's illegal. I got my high five there you go

Oh, dude, that could Tom you gotta finish the play man. You gotta get in there on the pile. I know dude Believe me. I don't feel good about it. All right. What's this one? Oh, this is this is your highlight. Oh, this is a highlight. All right, but heath you take it from here. Okay, you call the play Alrighty, so we got toms in three technique at the 35 pushing the pocket for a sack for minus 12 yards Don't really count that quarterbacks horrible You want to know what's you know, want to know what's crazy? Okay, I could tell you I tell you I vivid memories of certain things. I know

What happened on this play Vividly, I remember that I talked to my coach coach Chuck Harbin and I was like, I'm just gonna bull rush this dude He was like, yeah, blah blah. We talked about it. I did it and when I sacked the quarterback and I got up But I looked I was looking at Cecil fielder. Oh, wow. He was at the game Big old big old baseball player, huh? That's right because prince you remember his son prince fielder played in yes The majors for a while. He went to our school for two years So Cecil you should used to come to games and we would be like, holy shit You would always come in like a viper or like a f4 30 or something

And so that's what I actually remember that I I sacked him then I look and I see Cecil fielder And I'm like, what's up Cecil like raising my hands Cecil fielder. Did he give you high five? No Didn't acknowledge me, but dude The slow ball is is something else is something else All right now what now we get to Heath Yeah, I believe these next three are with you. Okay. All right, and this is all we could find from senior year. So Is that you? This is me. Yeah, there's heath on the left and tom is over there 69 on the right. Oh shit Damn you miss that shit. He I was tired so

This is Oh I feel like I blocked one guy and then I blocked another guy with my back The first play this game Was a kickoff return for a touchdown. Seriously, you guys kicked it to me and I housed it. All right, man Yeah, for some reason our school took that out of the highlights I would have to yeah You took back to open and

Yeah Okay, okay, okay. This was probably yeah, this was so I'm playing center and you're Kind of how I remember. Yeah standing over center trying to ruin people's lives. Oh my god. All right. Let's see what happens Oh, yeah It's just avoid heath as much as we can Now how many teammates so there there's kevin randall 21 Justin kiers 42 look at you. Damian caraballo 44. Do you still remember your teammates names a lot of them? Your brain still works pretty well

Yeah, I see that's uh, george william. Who is 22? That's george william. He had a loud mouth. He did. Yeah Yeah, he was a country boy talked a lot of shit. He had a loud mouth. I remember yeah He was he talked a lot of shit. Yeah, and um, he drove he drove one of those You know every florida, especially like that county as soon as you get That you get uh one country boy who had a pickup truck with like super swampers on it And his dude roll up into school with like four foot tires, you know, oh my gosh That was him. Yeah, george williams. Not a real redneck. His parents were too wealthy. That's true Damn

That's funny I remember him. Oh and by the way, so the quarterback from our school. Yeah, also was our kicker Yep, and uh, he got a full ride to virginia And never kicked isn't that wild? Wow. So he was the first full ride kicker there Get your school paid for this is you. Shit. I hope that I don't think we're gonna actually see you smoking us Look at this old t formation. I know but that's heath right there. Oh, boy You Unbelievable. Hey now watch my my quarterback was one of my best friends. Sean McElhaney

That was all me the ball the ball hit me in the chest. Hey, sorry I got I got it. I got a ticket and I'll give a rocky noble credit. You got the recovery Rocky noble rocky noble AKA norbert later today on my instagram folks. I'm gonna post the real highlights to this game. Oh Just kid. Oh, yeah, it would look it'd be pretty wild. It's funny. I don't we remember the good place I don't remember that fumble. Yeah, I didn't I probably blame Sean McElhaney my quarterback I didn't remember not getting high fives Until your boys pointed it out. Yeah, thanks fellas. Is that it? It's not rude

Yeah, so that's all because there's obviously if we could gotten game tapes We could have really shown your highlights, but they just they sent me a highlight of the year And they don't go like let's find heath evans best place for this. It's smart. It's smart. You guys you guys, uh You beat us what 14 to 12? What in that game? Yeah, are you sure? Yeah 14 to 12 that was the score of that game. It's a great memory I don't remember that but it had to have been because we missed two extra points Jeez, look at you. But the earlier years we beat you guys worse than that the year before for sure. Yeah, my uh I was trying to think

You kept you keep you kept your team In the in every game. Yeah, because I think because that was that was a 96 season, right? No, that would have been the 90s the last season. Well, you're right. 96. You're right. You're right. Yeah Yeah, it would have been. Yeah, I think it was 14 12 That's crazy. Y'all busted up my shoulder in that game too. Really? Yeah Hey, what do you do for fun? You seem so disciplined. I'll pull up his pull up his instagram. What do you do? What do you do? I mean, I've got two daughters. You get hammered. No, never not once Not once in your life

I've drank once and it was like with my ex-wife. I Does nothing to me like it doesn't uh, look at you. Oh my god. Look at this big fat sloppy. You know what I mean? Yeah, what a dump. So what are you doing? Like are you just? Oh, wait, you guys got to show that other video. He's working out every day. No, I know This video right here is hilarious. What is this? It's just something to make Listen to his friends His friends laughing at him was the best part, you know what to show Oh my god, I think you guys are soulmates. I think you and heather

You got to have the like the caption of that post was like you need at least two or three friends like this that when you Do something retarded. Yeah, they're gonna ask you and make fun of you I think you guys are long-lost brothers. You're here Oh, no, what do we have? This is another funny video. So, um, yeah Go ahead Oh And then here's your friend your friend's coming around to check you here in a second You see hey, what's up, man?

What you doing back there? He's not even concerned Not even a little bit. Look at these two evil savages. Both of you psychos. Hey, he's fine. He's fine. He's totally fine. He can talk. He's fine. Yeah, you know That's like the motorized chairs available today. Like you can do anything, you know You use the owl one, but um Yeah, cc. He's got a great sense of humor He does I I'm interested that your mother used to yell get up pussy when you I didn't say that. Get up you f-word. Yeah, she didn't say that either F-ing f a ggot

She just you know, she would just she just yell and scream a little bit You know what I mean? She didn't like her baby boy laying on the ground too long. Wait, are you training people? Are you just working your ass off here? I I'm just I'm just I'm just working. You're just working out. I'm just working but yeah, so the um Listen, obviously I am 40 years old kind of Starting career number three everything I'd ever dreamt to do playing the nfl and then turned it into a broadcasting career I accomplished well that um all got shot to hell and back about a year ago and so Now I am uh building career number three

Wait, what is it though? I love people so I I'm I am gonna blend My my faith in fitness worlds. I'm gonna blend them together. I'm gonna give people Well, not me. I'm gonna try to give people healthy souls and healthy bodies because Truth is we had a lot of miserable people in this world And most of them are the most successful people and they still can't find a happy place in this space, you know and um And so I you sit back after working for NFL network for seven plus years and you're like, all right, so Now what do I do? You know and um There's a lot of options

But what I'm passionate about has always been people Probably the same reason I patched you on your head after you hit me in the backfield and tackled me You know, I just I just love people, you know, so um, I don't have all the answers But I know how to people. I know how to help people get healthy. I love their fitness stuff and I definitely know where to point people to Find peace and contentment in this world, you know, so will this be like a will it be? I mean is what you envision like some type of online coaching kind of thing Um, not so much coaching, but there's going to be a podcast. There's a youtube series that we're getting ready to build

Good the the mindset that I grew up with is like this this built ready that no one's born ready for anything Of value. I mean you got to put in the work. You got asked for help. You got to grind it out Um, but I just started looking around. I'm like, I've been through a lot of crap. I've been through a divorce Yep, I got falsely accused of sexual harassment. I got cut from football teams You know Nick Saban said I wasn't good enough bill ballot check put them to pick me up I've I've been through a lot of crap that people like it's not the same circumstances But people can be like I can relate with this dude You know like I was I was better than most of the people around me in high school

But I wasn't michael jordan. I wouldn't call me brian. I wasn't lebron. I wasn't you know, I wasn't frank gore You know, um all like the fred tailors down there in our area like those guys were just the elites of the elites People have always been able to find a way to to kind of find themselves in my story And so when I was kind of forced to go, all right, what am I going to do with the rest of my life? um I just wanted to take my ability to be transparent and vulnerable and all my screw ups and everything else and be like Hey, why don't we come together um and try to point people lovingly to truth and help people out We got a lot of people in this world. I love it man

You know, they just um they need to be loved on and and we live in a day and age where people run from truth it's almost hate speech to speak truth and Those people don't bother me. I've got a big mouth and I'm scared to use it. I love it. And where should people find? Yeah, where should we direct people instagram? Um right now? Is you know ad heath heavens 44? um, I have been plotting and planning for about the last eight months And um everything will keep expanding off of the instagram. It's instagram. So we will um Hopefully see a lot of these things you're talking about right the youtube. You'll be promoting it here

Everything will start everything will start right there. And is that your lady? That is lindsay So you're a fitness lady, obviously. Yeah, she is um, she's let herself go like you too. Yeah, absolutely. You know, so uh Wait a minute her number 69 too. Yeah, what there you go So she that was her at the arnold, um Uh about six or seven weeks ago. That's a perfect match for you. You guys wake up like let's drink a gallon of water Yeah She she she does help me keep my diet on track. I can tell you that Or you could you need to help somebody by the way for grace your fat one of my first client

Yeah, his soul and his body absolute garbage tanks, but I'll try to put him in touch dude. I can't I can't thank you enough for coming. This really is a dream Happy for everything you've accomplished. It's really really a treat and um Yeah, I mean, I hope I didn't you know make you weep too hard by watching those I I wouldn't have expected anything less than what we saw. Okay. I thought they'd be worse. Okay. Okay. Good. Good. Um, that's it Thanks so much. You guys are awesome. Thanks for having me. Thank you You're gay. You won't believe how good it feels if you're straight. You won't believe how good it feels

Your dick head becomes so sensitive that you don't need to live. You don't need to spit You just stroke that dick head this up and down four times as this hot man can do it And you'll shoot an enormous amount of very thick Hot white come more come than I've ever did in my life Dick hot white come More Hot white come more come Hot white come more come

Hot white come more come More come than I've ever did in my life I don't want you to do anything Smokes I don't want you to do anything So It's a proven fact if your dick will get hard. So if you want to see me go from a limp dick to a hard dick I will do it this weekend and I'll tape it and I'll tape it and I'll tape it and I'll tape it

He jumped off four strokes Dick More come than I've ever did in my life Dick hot white come more come than I've ever did in my life Dick hot white come Your dick head becomes so sensitive that you don't need to live. You don't need to spit Dick hot white come More come than I've ever did in my life

Very thick hot hot white come White come