Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 500-Brendon Urie-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: May 22, 2019

It’s the big 500, Mommies!!! And we're pulling our jeans up so high and making them so tight, your insides will explode. We start things out with Big Time Tommy! Take it ease! Have you seen John Travolta’s Instagram?? Christina is obsessed with certain TikTok videos because she's a #CoolMom. Plus, a very exciting Episode 500 treat, an appearance from Top Dog and Charo that you do NOT want to miss! It's TMZ-worthy!   Our guest for episode 500 is long time Mommy and lead singer of the band Panic! At The Disco, it's Brendon Urie! He is just as excited to be in Studio Jeans as we are to have him! We learn how Brendon became a Mommy, some of his favorite YMH moments, we look at some new instant classics with Brendon and we also get to hear him give YMH the Panic! At The Disco treatment! Episode 500 is higher and tighter than everything that’s come before it. Try it out! Right now right now right now!

All right, we have a few quick things that have been added since we recorded the show. So here they are. Durham, North Carolina, the first show at the Durham Performing Arts Center sold out. So we added a second show. It is going to be 10 p.m. on September 14th. It goes on sale this Wednesday, the 22nd of May at 10 a.m. local time. It's Durham, North Carolina. Go to TomSeguro.com slash tour for the direct link to those.

Also we're adding a matinee show in Dublin, Dublin, Ireland. We are going on sale with an early matinee show. That is going to be a 4 p.m. show. The details of when it goes on sale will be available shortly. They have told me that it's added. We just need a few more moments to set that up. And then real quick in the store, people have asked for this. We're happy to do it.

We're doing a sale, a Memorial Day sale. It will be from the 24th through the 27th of May at merchmethod.com slash TomSeguro. If you go there and use the promo code Jeans, you get 20% off everything in the store. So go to merchmethod.com slash TomSeguro. Use the promo code Jeans. Jean, did you have to add anything? Yeah, Flappers May 31st through June 2nd. If you're anywhere near Flappers Comedy Club, Burbank, California, come see me.

Trot out. I'm going to be online for tickets, 2395 Wagner Apartments. Wagner Projects, Part 2C. She doesn't do anything? Hey, guys. We're here. This is a push for the music. This is rain under the streetlight.

I love it. By Notes Floats. Can I do mine days first? Go ahead. I'm so excited. Do it. I have announced on the last show, but I'm doing the Ryder Dytour, the second half, starting in August.

I will be starting in Shark Lake, Titties, Utah at the Wise Guys Comedy Club, that Salt Lake City, Utah. September 5th, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, at the Turner Hall Ballroom. September 6th, Chicago, Illinois, Talia Hall. September 7th, Boston, Massachusetts, at the Wilbur, October 3rd through 5th. Nashville at Zanies, November 23rd, Seattle, back again at the Neptune Theater, November 23rd in Portland, Oregon at the Aladdin Theater. Tickets are at Christina P. On-line.

I'm so excited to do the Ryder Dytour in these places. Thank you, Jean. What else? Oh, if you don't know, if you don't know me, Cashmouse Ad, I'm on Netflix. I got two specials, Mother Inferior and the Degenerates. I'm eight months pregnant on the Degenerates, telling shit and piss jokes. There it is. Tom, take it away.

Jean, I will be in Chicago. The early show is sold out. There's tickets to the late show, June 2nd, 8.30 p.m. That show is moving. Get tickets. If you haven't yet, that's my fourth Chicago theater show. Thank you very much to the great city of Chicago for supporting me. I move on to Richmond, Virginia.

The late show has tickets June 13th. From there, you'll see Tulsa's almost sold out. The late show in Wichita, June 28th has a few tickets. The added show in Kansas City, that's June 30th. You can try to get tickets to that. And then the tour rolls on. Go to TomSegura.com slash tour and get tickets. The only additional one that has come on since this last recording is we added a second show

in Winnipeg. That's August 16th. That's on sale now. Thank you guys very much for continuing to support the tour. I appreciate it. Don't forget to go to merchmethod.com slash TomSegura. You can get a bunch of merch from the tour. From this show, we got a bunch of stuff celebrating Robert Paul, $23.95.

And for people asking, of course, we are giving him a bunch of stuff in merchandise. We're giving him gifts. We're buying him gifts. And we're also going to give him cash money. Something tells me he's not big on checks and the bank. But we are going to hook him up. So, of course, we would never not take care of our good buddy. Also, hey, if you're shopping on Amazon, which I hope you are, you may want to use our banner,

yourmomshousepodcast.com. There's a banner on the home page. It's like going to do your shopping as a normal. All right. Now. Oh, my gosh. This guy. Finally.

Nadav, which episode is this? This is episode number 500. Isn't that incredible? We have 100 episodes. I can't believe it, Jeans. I know. It's amazing. And we have lined up the best guests and some of the best content that we could find

for this amazing episode. So this shit is big time. Let's go ahead and kick it off. Go ahead. I ain't doing Instagram, it's big time, Tommy. Is my daughter the day? Live the best life you can. Hades will hate always.

That's what they do. They hate, but you know what? They hate themselves. Live your life and fuck all the haters. That's the old school way. Take it easy. Take it easy. OS for life.

This shit is big time. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Yo, mom, where the fuck is dad? Welcome. Welcome to yourmomshouse with Tom Segura. And Christina Pajitse, Christina Pajitse. Welcome to yourmomshouse.

No. No. Don't rock out. Don't rock out doors. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. Don't rock out doors. I know what's happening. The extra long mix.

It's horrible. It's horrible. This is OK. This is terrible. All right. But the people want. It's not what the people want. It is what the people want.

Not in my social media. Not according to my social media. The word on the streets is that the intro is too short. Yes, it is. Nobody wants a longer intro. Yes, they do. They're eager to get to the fun, so I imagine they are too. Here's the fun.

This is not the fun. Oh, finally. I'm glad it ends. One of the cool things we're going to be doing, since we've just surpassed episode 500, is every week, now, the intro will double from the previous week. So next week, it'll be like three minutes and 15 seconds.

Right? And we'll build it until it's an hour-long intro song. And just on a loop, that one guitar. Yeah. With the audience, you've got to give them what they want. Babe, do you know who recorded that music? Yeah. Who is it?

The match man. Ryan match man. That's right. That's right. A long time ago. He did a lot of those, yeah. Wow. Well, I'm really excited to hear the longest version we could do.

It'll be a couple of hours at some point. Yeah, everyone wants that. By the way, so this guy, we opened a big time Tommy. It's big time Tommy. This fucking guy. This guy's been sent to me no less than five times every 30 seconds on social media. Yeah. I mean, and people are like, have you seen this?

It's like they know what we're going to like. You mean shrugs? You mean Tommy shrugs? He's got, he's just like a neck and shoulders. Yeah. And then he smokes a big piece of dog poop. Yeah. He's got a big old shit log in his mouth.

Yeah. His head's the size of a fucking basketball. And it's unbelievable. And he's, he's. You know what though, Tom? Wait a minute. New York. Are you hating on big time Tommy?

I am not. I was saying I love basketball. And I'm saying that he looks cool. And you know what I like about him? Like his chain. Is that he's giving the people inspiration. Yeah. For instance, I've never heard.

It's big time Tommy. I've never heard live your best life. Have you ever heard anybody say that one before? No man. Or F all the haters? Uh-uh. It's an original fresh message. Fresh perspective.

You know what I mean? And fuck all the haters. Fuck all the haters. And he also sounds like he's straining to talk. Like he's the kind of fat that it hurts to talk. Yeah. That's what Biggie Smalls had too. Kind of like.

Like he sounds like he's chewing. Well Biggie Smalls died of bullets though. But yeah, I know what you mean. He did. Struggle to breathe. Yeah. He's going to die from fatness. That's what's going to kill this guy.

Yeah. It's possible. But I mean, did you hear Joey Diaz when I did his podcast the other day? Did you hear what he said? No. About this guy? No. About Bert.

I think I heard it a little bit. What did he say? He goes, I saw Bert at the store. I thought he was a fat chink. He goes, his eyes are swollen shut. Yeah. He's like his face is so fat. He's just spitting it in the bottle.

Who says that anymore? Who can get away with saying that? Joey. I don't even know if I can get away with repeating him. I know. Yeah. It's the old school OS baby. Who the fuck says OS?

I thought he went off screen. As if everyone's going to be like, oh, you mean old school? I only know that you can put it together. Well, I thought I was being a lame mom because I didn't know it. I'm like, what's OS? What's he doing here? So he's in the shower. These are a series of motivational inspirational videos.

So this is one is hot take from the shower. Show me now, but it doesn't rain forever. That's the old school way. Never, ever give up. Big time Tommy from the shower. Take it easy. I do like the song. Yeah.

I don't know if it's the old school way. Is that old school? It's just the way to never give up. Yeah. That's pretty old school, I think. They've been, I mean, they've been not given up since back in the day. I think. Yeah, I guess so.

How long have you been not given up? Long time. So you're old school then. I guess that's what you're saying. Right. Yeah, these are not new ideas. But I'm saying like someone today who's young could be like, don't give up.

That's an old school idea. It just feels like it's not accurate. No. And the shower is an interesting twist. I mean, that is a prerequisite to a great YMH video. Crappy sound, crappy lighting, crappy BG. Yeah, it's almost like he's trying to get on the show. Mission accomplished.

Big time. It's big time, Tommy. You got to do a parody of them. Yeah. You guys would be perfect. Yeah. You got to shape your beard. I just got to do more shrugs.

He does remind me of like one of my dad's old Hungarian friends, Dr. Seuss. Doesn't he look like Seussie? Well, it just screams criminal. Yeah. Like everything about this guy is says unethical, immoral. Yeah. Reprehensible, felonious behavior.

Gold chain. It's always in the gold chain. Interesting. Yeah. But you're not wearing yours. But when you wear yours, you look like a cool rapper. But when he wears it, I think if you're fat and tan and shirtless and oily and you wear gold, then that makes you a scumbag.

You sound like a real fucking hater right now. Oh, sorry. Yeah. Haters will hate always. Sorry. Hate always. Always. Always.

Oh. I ain't doing Instagram. It's big time, Tommy. Here's my thought of the day. I ain't doing it. Live the best life you can. Haters will hate always. Yeah.

True. That's what they do. They hate. But you know what? Why? They hate themselves. That's good to know. Old school baby.

And fuck all the haters. That's the old school way. Hell yeah, dude. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. O.S.

Look at that. That's quite a... Oh my God. His hands are so fat. Like how fat his fingers are. Quite a big gauge on it. Right? Like that's larger than an average.

Yeah. You're making a real choice. You know. Do you think he's going to teach seminars? On how to smoke cool cigars? No. Just like a motive. Like is he the next Tony Robbins?

I ain't doing Instagram. It's big time, Tommy. Here's my thought of the day. Okay. Life always offers you a second chance. Not really. It's called tomorrow. Oh.

If you guys don't succeed today. No. Then tomorrow you got another shot at it. Not really. Give it everything you got and don't ever quit. This is not a good advice. Sometimes. No.

That's the old school way. The gift of life is not tomorrow. It's today. Yeah. You have right now and that's it. You're not guaranteed tomorrow. And you're not guaranteed a second chance. Those are gifts.

No. Big time got it wrong this time. Well, to be fair. Look at the fucking size of it. He probably didn't study with gurus in the overlays. But I mean like he's struggling to get that thing in his mouth. I feel like we're out watching black.com or something. Hey, doing Instagram.

It's big time, Tommy. Here's my thought of the day. The comeback is always stronger than the setback. Don't ever let nobody get you down. You get knocked down. You get back up. Don't ever let anybody tell you that you can't do something. Positive thoughts.

Bring positive things. Just when you think that you've fallen. Yeah. You get back up and you fight stronger. All right. Is somebody pissing? It sounds like they're urinating. It does.

Make America old school again. We got it, bro. Okay. He won me over with that one though. Yeah. I like that one. Well, first of all, I like the message. But then when you threw the idea that someone could be pissing right next to him,

it took it to another level. But that is a good message. No, it's a good message. It's all good messages. It's not bad. I mean, he was just so off with the gift of tomorrow. But this is actually true. You should get back up.

Don't let people tell you can't do anything. And yeah, I think positive thoughts bring about positive things. But especially if a guy's pissing in a bucket as you tell your story. I love that these are like new inspiring ideas for him. And he has to share it. Like he's so stoked about his new ideas. Like people are going to be like, God damn, I never thought about this shit. Okay.

Who would you rather... Eat their ass? No. Oh. You have to hang out with them for... You need to be with this guy for a week. Just you and him? Like you're on vacation together?

Yeah. Or Robert Paul's champagne? Oh, 100% big time, Tommy. No. He's so annoying. No. Tommy's an easy hang, for sure. This guy's a fun hang.

He eats a lot. But then you have to listen to him pontificate on nonsense. Yeah. And he would. And then once you're like, yeah, that's a good point, he'd be like, yeah, it is a good point. I'm going to Instagram that. Yeah.

He'd be like, I got a pretty big following. And you just, it would be easy, you know? He would, it would really be just like different stops at different bakeries and restaurants. And yeah, he would pontificate. A lot. This, this, this cigar smoke might get old, but. Lots of sodium in time. RPC is going to be unpredictable in a predictable way.

There's going to be a lot of booze. Oh, wait a minute. Nude. Okay. What about the women? The women are fucking stupid guy or Tommy? Tommy. Yeah.

The women are stupid guy is fucking terrifying. I would take RPC over him. Okay. What about the four stroke guy? Shit. That's a problem for stroke guy. Well, he's just going to, you know what I feel about four stroke guy? He's going to get you in a dangerous situation.

Yeah. He's going to be like, yeah, quick stop real quick to get a coffee or something. And you're like, okay. And then he's like, uh-oh. He's like, are we in a crack house right now? Just for a second. Yeah. Well, you guys know Showtime Tommy.

You know what to do. Big time. I'm sorry. Big time Tommy. Yeah. You guys know what to do. Be nice. Oh yeah.

Let's destroy this person's social. Like we have everybody. Well, it was pretty, it was pretty great that I didn't even have to say anything. And Travolta's Instagram is different. His comments. I know he's like, I don't even know what happened. It just kind of happened. It just kind of happened.

Yeah. Yeah. You know what to do guys. Yeah. Please be nice to big time Tommy. Give him inspiring things like I never thought about that. Like let's encourage him to be even more inspiring to us. Oh, don't comment on the kids.

No, no, no, no, no, no. What's this one? Look at that hair he used to have. Yeah. And Travolta used to look really good. People, are they writing nice things? That's good. We'll see.

I can't read it. I left my dad glasses at home. Nice. Anyway, you guys know what to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys are great. If someone deserves a lashing, we'll definitely tell you. Oh.

Can we, can we, before we get into this next segment, because I think it's exciting. Can we just discuss the license plate behind me very quickly? Yeah, sure. Let me give a shout out to homeboy. What's his name? Edgar, who submitted the FGT RTD license plate. Sorry. Do we have his name blue band?

I apologize. I should have fucking thought of it. Any hoodles. Here he is letting you know. We'll find his name later and I'll give him a shout out proper. Like if you want to get your own FGT RTD license plate, here's how we did it. Yeah, let's hear this. Hey, mommy's.

It's come to my attention that some of you want to have your very own FGT RTD license plate. I can't say I blame you. It feels pretty awesome. But you're worried about what you're going to tell the DMV about the letters. So I'm here with your YMH tip of the week. It's pretty simple. I just told them via the online form that it was the initials of my favorite author and the initials of my favorite musician.

That's it. Easy, right? So if you want your own FGT RTD license plate, try it out. Christina happy belated mommy's day. Thank you. Thank you for the accurate hat and the super comfy sweater. I love it. Love you guys.

Keep it high and tight. This on me beat me later. That's amazing. Eric Cooper. So thank you Eric so much. It's a legit license plate. Yeah. It's a real FGT RTD for girls that ride till death license plate.

He's got one on his car and we have the other one. It was so cool. I flipped out when I saw it. I thought that was amazing. Okay. This I have been. Oh my gosh. Losing my mind.

It's an exclusive. Make sure you just set it up. Don't press play yet. It's a YMH. This is huge and I haven't even seen it yet. I'm so excited. Man. This is a huge chips in a bowl.

This is cats eating kibble. It's everything. It is absolutely everything. It's chips in a bowl. All right. So here's what happened. So my folks were staying at a friend's place for a little bit and then I went to visit them for a couple days.

They're packing up. It was the evening and I my mom's in the kitchen. Everything all right? Everything fine? Everything was good. Yeah. Everything looks good. We're fine.

Okay. So it's just episode 500 excitement guys. So anyways. My mom is in the kitchen. Okay. And of this apartment and then I walk in and I make some comment about her about like I bet you can't fart. Now for those of you who don't who've been listening to the show for a while,

you know that I talk a big game about what my mom can do in the fart department. Yeah. And here's the thing. Like before you ever heard it live. Right. You heard stories about it. But my point about that is that.

But for years I had heard my mom can fart crazy farts. Yeah. And for years she would not do it in front of me. Right. Like we had to be married and then it was like a few years after we were married. And then it was like a unicorn. Like it was a special thing. A special thing.

Like the Haley's Comet of Farts that I happened to catch her doing it one time. Here's what I'm so excited about. Years. In life everybody can relate to somebody talking about someone they know and a skill set. And but like you don't always get to see whether they can back it up or if you do it's disappointing. Here's an example.

Somebody goes you got to meet my friend Kevin. Right. He's so funny. And you go all right. Then you meet Kevin and you're like. He freezes up. Yeah. Just you know whatever it's fine.

You're like okay. He's not. He's like an amazing basketball player. Bobby my friend Bobby you go play pick up one day. Bobby shows up and you're like Bobby's guys. All right. Yeah. Bobby's an average.

No. Yeah. It's like that's but so it's like people always will throw that out there and and now I actually have the the evidence like I've you know I've I've tried to get her to fart for money. Yeah. We opened up didn't we open up the website fart was it fartmistress.com for you to start farting for money and she wouldn't do it dice and then anyways it just kind of has been

this thing where like I I was so amazed when I capture what I captured and also her reaction to it that it's been so hard to keep it from you. I haven't shown you. I've been dying thinking about it for a week now and I don't know. She didn't know I recorded until she turned around. Here's the other thing that's amazing about this is you know she forbid me to play this. Yeah. She's shy about it.

Yeah. She was like I'm your mother. She's you know she's OS like time OS off screen. She's the old school. She's like you want to play a clip of your mother farting. She's like yeah could you put me any lower. That's what she kept saying. And I'm like mom it's great people want to see you she goes fart.

So I had to buy her a bag when I was with her and agree that I'll fly her to a casino. Put her up and give her gambling all this and I was like yes just to get this video today just to get permission from her to play it. That's a lot of scratch just to get this fart video just just for this 15 20 second clip here. And here's the other thing I'll tell you is that I'm sick of my my copy written material being stolen. Yeah.

You know double pipe classic is on Urban Dictionary. No mention to me that's a that's a phrase I came up with show me how those big tits fart. That's yours 100 percent. And you know what we found by the way I think you guys sent it to me last week I was trying to like pull up there's an a vice interview we did remember when we were in Toronto yeah 2014. Yeah.

Where you mentioned that I say it to you show me how those big tits fart in the end also it's documented that it goes that far back to 2014 but people don't want to give me credit. No. So this time with this clip I asked Blue Band to just go ahead and TMZ and throw some water marks on it so nobody can just steal it without giving proper credit. Now what are we going to call this is like mom farts. Charles Fart. I don't know.

Now sorry sorry no go ahead. Go ahead. Well let's do volume up. Oh my god. Let's let it rip for episode five hundred. This is huge. Here is my own mother char and this is real. This is not doctored people are going to be like oh you know this is a sound effect.

This is a hundred percent. And it should be pointed out that this was a lucky fortuitous filming like this is not a setup. As she turned around and I thought maybe she's going to fart. I reached in my pocket pulled out my iPhone. Thank god the iPhone has that button where you can just forget about that button all the time. So the camera was and I was just rolling and just that shows you that God is real.

Yeah. Look at God. God is good all the time. This is a magical moment. Let's do a volume up and let's let's let's watch. I can't believe I'm finally asleep. Oh my god one more time please again. I can't believe it.

Wait hold on. Before we go on. Oh my gosh. That was perfect because she really did not know you. She didn't know. She didn't know. How did you how did you sense that she was going to fart that big. I didn't.

I just you know it was there's times like there's morning and evening farts that are pretty impressive and I just I just was like this might be a big one. I mean now just so you know she's she's gone bigger than that before and longer than that for sure. And just so you just revving the engine. But that's real. That is what she is capable of and that the multi levels and that took me years to get the privilege to see in here years before she trusted me.

So this is huge you guys can we see it again please. I love it so much. Show it to me. All right let's do something real quick because this moment is so amazing. She's so mortified. You can't I mean that look is genuine like you got it. You can't be like hey act like I know that is genuine mortification. You caught her dude.

You know what we should do. Oh my god. We should call top dog real quick. Yeah. We haven't had him on the show forever. Hey buddy. Hey buddy. It's top dog.

Hey buddy. It's top dog. Hey buddy. It's top dog. You need to wipe down. It's top dog. Oh man. That fart was a maze.

She was mortified that you caught that. Oh yeah. Yeah. And it does make sense that she would barter with a handbag and a trip to Vegas for that tape. That was amazing. That was amazing. It was pretty it was pretty wild man.

Oh my gosh. Where is this. Oh my gosh. Here we go. Oh okay. Sorry. Are we calling him now? Okay.

Yeah. Okay. Okay. So excited. Hello. Dad. Hey buddy. How you doing?

Good. How you doing man? Just chilling right now. Nice. Dude. Guess what? We just we just got here. We got here.

We got here. Oh my gosh. What a nice day. This is the end of the day. It's a good day. Oh my gosh. We just got here. It's a good day.

This is a good day. Hey buddy. How you doing? Good. How you doing man? Oh just chilling right now. Nice. We just we just played the mom's fart on the on the show.

Oh I bet you that got a lot of interest. Oh yeah. I mean people flipped out. I mean in the studio here they've never seen it. They've never heard it. I mean it was a it was a pretty epic fart. You know it was like a good. Well I think I think it's you know it's right up there with Mal St.

Helen's exploding. Okay. Yeah. I mean and for people that don't know how common do you would you say that is that she lets them rip like that. Well the fact that she's capable of doing that maybe five percent of the people can do that. Right.

And do you feel like you hear those like those those kinds of 10 second farts daily or every other day or weekly or what pretty much every other day. Every other day. Yeah. Yeah. What do you what is it the great stuff. But yeah what do you think creates that. She has a long an unusually long intestinal tract and so if the air just kind of gets

trapped in there and once it finds a path of freedom it gets picked off. Yeah. Freedom. I like your assessment. If you don't think it's diet related. Yeah. Do you think a diet diet could have something to do with it as well or no. Her diet defies analysis.

Okay. It's it's something I wouldn't even begin to think about. Okay. Yeah. I don't know all that sugar and all those things that they tell you not to eat. And she weighs a hundred pounds. Yes. Exactly.

It's really crazy man. It is crazy. How are your farts these days. Well my farts today I had one today that was you know since I've had to deal with all these things in retirement was really smelling. I mean it was really bad but you know the biggest the biggest thing that I did in retirement now that is I only use top of the line the toilet paper that I buy at the house. Charming ultra soft by the way is just the best.

And it's good. And notice. Free plug. Yeah. Well that's what I use. Okay. Yeah. I like that you're being honest about it.

If you're going to buy what I settled you know you go into these office buildings and airlines and other things and they had this really cheap toilet paper. I hate that. It's the worst. I hate that. Well what happens is you can get butthole rich if you city toilet paper. Yep. Well I have not had because I use my pretty much the most of my stuff in home now.

Okay. That's good. I have not had a case of butthole rich. Wow. This year. Wow. That's you know what by the way what's been happening to me a lot more especially in these last few months as I've you know gotten a little bit old now I'm 40 officially.

I've been shitting on flights a lot more. I don't like to shit on flights. No I don't like it either. But nature is telling me what's up. Well you know I think one of the things you have to figure out is what's a jump in your diet. And to me you know the one thing I've had to deal with what I've worked every day between eight and eight twenty I'd run into the men's room and bombs away.

Okay. Yeah. That's all drawn away now. Oh because of your new schedule. Yeah. Yeah. What are you doing now? Well you know I woke up the other night and midnight and did one.

Nice. Oh wow. That's impressive. I don't like waking up midnight. Yeah it's annoying. It's really annoying. You gotta go back. Yeah I've taken more shits on planes in the last year than I did in the previous 39 years.

Perfect. You know what I it's a you know it's a good tip by the way if you if you do have to shit on a flight you know what you should do to clean up better. Use the paper towels in the lav and wet them. Oh my god. Because they're thicker. No. Yes the toilet paper is cheap and will tear.

Yeah. That's a good point. Yeah. This is why this is why in the house you know having you know high quality toilet paper and you don't have to have no excuse. That's true. But don't you rub your beehull raw with the paper towels being wet doesn't it hurt your beehull.

Well you know if you did it every day yeah but I think what Tommy's talking about is those emergencies. Yeah. You know and the other problem is is when you're on the road. Oh yeah. You know you're eating strange food and oh yeah. Bacteria changes. Bacteria changes and so are you watching are you watching war dogs by the way in retirement.

And what war documentaries. Oh yeah. Yeah. American heroes channels. What am I love. Yeah. I tell you you know thank god we weren't in world war two. What do you mean.

The casualty rate was so bad. Yes. Oh you mean like thank god we weren't alive during then. Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh my god a number of people got killed. It's a lot. You know and of course in Vietnam what we used to do we carry this what's called an entrenching

tool which is nothing more than a small shovel. And when we had to go we would dig a little hole in it. That is perfect so far. This is new addition. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. How come we never as authentic as it gets.

How come we never had the dogs barking in the past. Where were the dogs before when he just killed a dog. He did. Oh wait is that Charo. Yeah. Can I say hi to her real quick please. I'm going to say hi to you real quick. Okay.

Oh Jesus. Hey mom. Hey mom. Hey guess what. We just debuted your fart on the show. Oh my god. It was epic. People are losing their minds.

You're about to be recognized at the grocery store in airports at church. You're going to be an international celebrity. You know you can be happy because I won't leave this bedroom for the rest of my life. Mom it was so awesome. I mean Christina just saw it for the first time. Oh my gosh. Tom has been. He withheld the video from me for a long time and Charo I got to say that was good work

but it's not your best. Yeah you could do better. I've seen you do even bigger. Two guys. I don't know if I should love or cry. I can't believe at the level that I have got in my life. Can you imagine I was alive. If your mother was alive.

She'd love this. She would love this. No she will die in a moment. Mom that was a world class fart. You just surpassed the king. You surpassed the fart mistress. Your number one now. Yep.

This is so you know you know how proud I am to be that. And you got your ring. You got your I gave you that nice bag. You're going to take a trip to go gambling. That's all on me. Christina the DLS two tickets first class. I heard. My destination.

A couple of thousand dollars to gamble if I run out of that five hundred dollars more plus the room. Oh my god. For one fart video. For one fart video. I think you owe us a few more. For that. No.

No. He owes me more. No. Could you ask dad. Could you ask dad to roll camera on a few new farts coming up though. That is yes. Yeah. The timing of that to me the look on the face.

Yeah. I made it not only the length of the fart but the look on the face. Yeah. You're right. It's all together. It's like a film. I'm embarrassed to even talk about this topic. Well.

I'm going to leave you with the fire and you can farting. Charo. I'm kidding. We hold on Charo. How long have you farted this long? Like how long have they been this powerful? Unfortunately for my life now you didn't know me all my life. Oh your whole as a teenager you could fart like this.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. 00:42:46,960 --> 00:42:47,960 No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. There's a whole- All. Slate. You're cool.

You are. I'm going to see all the DMs, so apologies if you've ever DMed me. I've never written you back. You're cool, by the way. Kwon. You're so cool. Kid I saw it. How about this?

That's you. You're the cool Mom. Directly not like a regular mom. I'm a cool Mom. Exactly. But DMs have been a whole new, and I've been DMing with people who listen to the show over nice polite topics like my flowers. I posted a story about my flower, our flower bush in the front yard.

Things of that nature. I made Pulachinta yesterday. I showed people that on the stories, and they write that they like my Pulachinta. They like my roses, and I answer them, stuff like that. So I've really been into TikTok. It's kind of a unique app in that it attracts a certain kind of user. What do you mean? What kind of user?

I like them for the dance videos. I like seeing the newest, coolest dances. So you're saying there's dancers are the type of videos? I like to hear what people are listening to and what the dances are. Then there's this whole other category of user on TikTok that might be considered special needs or... What? Huh?

I'm happy today. I'm very happy. I'm really happy. A happy day. Very good day. I'm so happy I'm gonna explode. Woohoo! Okay.

But I want you to know that I encourage people, and I give them a thumbs up, and I like their stuff when I follow them. Okay, what's going on? What's that? I don't know. But I like it and I encourage it and I follow her. I might have to be careful with the music. Yeah, that's part of TikTok is that you play the song and then you dance or you make a funny video and stuff. Well, you sent me another TikTok guy that had no music but was definitely a cool guy.

Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes people just rant on TikTok, which is not, I believe, the intent. Uh-huh. What's this guy all about? I don't remember. All right, today's lesson is all you weasels out there, how to get your fucking woman off. Because you just don't know how to fucking give a girl more guys. You know, too many fucking women walking around there is for your shit.

Okay, let's get this straight follow. You call me grandpa. I'm not your grandpa. I got news for you. I'm your fucking daddy. Your mom, your dad, you thought your dad was couldn't handle your mom, so they called me. So just call me daddy. So a lot of you guys are good beside me.

You know the fucking girl. You see the girls I'm tired. You see the young girls I'm getting. No, I'm not the fucking sugar man. I'm not fine. I'm like, it's just I know how to eat pussy. I know how to fucking get their G spot. Now there's a cool guy.

Yeah. That is so nasty. It's not a matter how fucking fake your dick is, man. I can get a fucking girl's G spot my fucking dick. I hear fucking girls G spot my fucking tongue. It's about positioning them. Getting them in the fucking bed, getting them in the right position. Yes.

Yes. I like them. See, so you like TikTok now. Do you want me to continue sending you these informational videos? 100%. This was really good. This was really good. So there's all kinds of cool stuff I've discovered.

And then when I was in Tempe, Arizona, I met a lady at my show, Danielle, and she wants to make Josh come. Really? Yes. And so we made a little video for Josh. Oh, okay. Let's see.

Let's see what it is. Yeah, I'm that hard. Oh, what was that? What was that? That was a cool guy. Don't play this whole thing though. No, I split it up. Okay.

Okay, so I'm at the Tempe improv and I'm here with Danielle. Hi Josh. And Danielle has said that she would like to make Josh come. Yes. I'm ready for Josh Potter, make Josh come to her, come to Tempe improv. Wow. I'll be here.

Okay. I'm waiting. What do you think your strategy will be to get Josh come? Maybe what's not worked for him in the past that you're going to change? I think it will. I'm going to have free reign because he saw me beat me. No, no. I'm being serious because what do you think?

All right, Josh. Well, you heard it. Come to Tempe. Hi Josh. He's talking. I'm a mess. I'm going to give Josh a special message. I can't wait to meet you.

I can't wait to make you come. It's going to be fantastic. Jesus man. Let me know when you're here. Or I'll find you actually. Just kidding. She's home here now. God.

So. So this got me to thinking. Why not have a little friendly YMH contest where we ask all the girls out there who want to make Josh come to make a video one minute or less telling us why you think you're the one who can make Josh come. All right. Let's go over these parameters real quick. It's a minute or less in the video.

Make Josh come in the subject line. The email address is your mom's podcast at Gmail. There's no house. Your mom's podcast at Gmail. Make the video, explain why you think, I mean, you know, and obviously send in the video if you're willing to do it, you know, say your name, your special skill, why you should be chosen. Right.

What about you is special that what how are you going to make Josh come in the way that he hasn't been able to come in the past exactly and we'll throw this out there. If we choose you, if you're up for it, obviously, nothing, you don't do anything, you know, I will fly you out to a gig that Josh is doing and, you know, you guys can just take it from there and see if there's magic. Well, it's so silly. I mean, we've been doing this the wrong way. Instead of just throwing Josh out into the world and letting the girls kind of come to

him physically, like why not have a contest to see who can make him come. So send us your videos and we'll go through them and find out who the real scrum master is. Yeah. I mean, shit, we might have to do it. Make Tom come. Oh, hello. What?

Oh, yeah. No, no, I'm just saying like for fun, right? I'm right here, babe. Don't talk about that. Oh, yeah. I'm just saying like for videos be fun to see. You're under the weather today. You're sick.

Otherwise. I'd make you come. Was that sexy for you? It was nice. Yeah. Yeah. That was very nice. Yeah.

Everyone's got boners right now. Yeah. Big boners in the booth, huh? Big boners. Oh, well, speaking of. I suck the fucking dick to get the fucking cum. Yep. All right.

I think we should mention that today's episode, Gene, is episode 500. It really is an incredible thing. I can't believe it. Yeah. That's just amazing. We've been doing this show since late 2010. It is May 2019 right now. That's so long.

You know, from the Silver Lake apartment to the Guest House in Redondo Beach to... We had an office in Redondo. The office in Redondo, then the house. Someone died in it, and then the house, and then the other house. And then before that, we did it with Red Band. The first one was Red Band. Yeah. We did that in his apartment.

Man, it's come a long way. We still love clips. We still love acting like juvenile kids. Yep. That's the best part. Why don't you say, is that after having two dogs, two children, a mortgage, and adult lives, we're the same old genes. We are.

We still pull them up, and we still... You know, I've said this in interviews. I've said it before here. It's the most fun thing I do is doing this podcast. It's just... I feel like I'm really myself on it. I get to hang out with you and be silly and talk about the shit we would talk about, you know, off-mic.

Yeah. That was the most fun part. And now we have this great staff here and this amazing studio, and we still get to do whatever we want. We play the clips we want to play. We invite the people we want to be here, and we have conversations and getting to hang out with other comics, and now it's kind of spread out into like, you know, there's musicians and actors, and it's become this whole thing, but it really...

It's because of you guys watching and listening, so I don't want to be too cheesy, but thank you very much for supporting us, and thank you for downloading the show, subscribing to the show, and letting us continue to do it, because it really is a blast for us. It is, man. It's been quite an adventure. It's crazy to think how much we've grown as people and as a couple, and we've built this life together, and your mom's house is kind of a silly chronicle of a decade of our lives together.

It's crazy. Our kids are so young now, but when they're 30, they could be like, let's just do a deep dive on the fuck our parents were doing, and then they'll just be like, what happened? I know. People ask me that, like, do you think you're going to be... What do you think your kids are going to... I'm like, you know what? They already kind of know who we are.

I mean, we don't say half the shit we say, obviously. Well, it's crazy too. I think that this show could easily last another decade. Easily. I mean, there's no reason why it couldn't. Oh my gosh. Yeah. I don't know.

It's exciting. Thank you, guys, too. It's been quite right. And yeah, when I meet you guys, and I'm kind of a personality champ, so I like to meet people and talk to fans of the show. I just... Ridiculous. Thank you, you know.

I will say too that Episode 500 is a big deal for us, and we have Brendan Urie, the lead singer of Panic at the Disco, who, turns out, is a huge mommy. So he's been listening to the show for years, and it's always fun when you get a celebrity guest who also listens to the show. There was nothing like Danny Brown when he came in, and then Brendan is in that vein as well. So very cool. We hope you enjoy it.

And yeah. Try it out. Episode 500. We'll be back to talking about farts and dicks after this quick break. All right. It is time to step it the fuck up. We've been having a bunch of dirtbags, comedians, piece of shit actors, fucking nobodies, and now we are graduating to the big leagues.

I don't know if you know this, but this is Episode 500. So this is a huge episode for us, and we finally are breaking into the big leagues. We're going to retire. After this episode, thank you to the great Brendan Urie for coming here today. Thank you so much. Thank you guys for having me. I just have to put it out there if you guys don't know. I'm a mommy, and I've been a fan for years.

It's wild. It was so exciting to find out that you were a fan of us. Oh my god. I mean, you're like a major star. You're an actual talent. Yeah. You actually do stuff. Sometimes.

No. This is so exciting. What happened was how we discovered that you were a fan of the show is on Periscope. Oh, yeah. A few years ago. Yeah. A few years ago. You were backstage with your band.

You were eating tostitos. That's right. Out of a jar. And you're like, oh my god, you guys. This podcast. That's a hurt impression of you. Oh my god. You sound way more manly than me, which I very much appreciate.

You're all fucked. You guys are fucked. Fucked. You guys know your mom's house. Dude, I fucking, I remember getting my band on board. I would just put it on in the background in the dressing room and we would just be dying laughing. And then when you guys were talking double pipe classics, I was like, guys, this is something

that is unattainable. It's a rarity. It's very rare. And then one day we had a show in Russia and everybody went outside for a little break, a little smoke break and it was me and our drummer and I had my first double pipe classic and it blew my mind and he was there. Wow. He witnessed it.

Dan, you can corroborate. Unbelievable. It's beautiful. People that don't know. I'm sure there's a, there's probably like some people joining the fee that normally don't hear. And they're like, oh my God, I got to hear this interview. What he's talking about is that he farted and burped at the same time and it's called

a double pipe classic. Not one right after the other. No, no, no. That doesn't count. No, that doesn't count. It's synergy. Equal exits. Absolutely.

Here it is. And here's the tweet. Oh yeah. There's the tweet of it. Oh my God. Wow. And this is dated June 1st, 2016. Yeah.

That's a while ago. That was a couple of years after. How I interacted with you on, on Twitter, how you're like, I play this song when I want to feel good. Oh yeah. And then I sent you the try it out guy and you're like, yep. I'm the same. You can fuck me.

You can beat me. Dude, that, that is the best shit. By the way, I made a remix and I forgot to send it. Maybe I'll send it to you. What? I made a different remix of that. The, uh, if you're black, homeless, or a thug. Dude.

What? Do you know that just a few weeks ago we found him? Yes. We talked with him. We talked with him. Yeah. Reminding his name again? His name is Robert Paul Champagne.

Robert Paul Champagne. Greatest fucking 70s porn star name in the world. Oh my God. Yeah. What? Just a genuinely honest, smash and black guys for decades. Or being smashed by. That's right.

I love it. That's true. I love it so much. And piss drinking. I don't know if you caught that. I didn't catch that. Yeah. Drinking his own too.

When, when someone doesn't. This a new development or this is like? Yeah. We didn't know. I didn't know. And then in his video, he was like drinking my piss right now. So yeah, it was new. And then he would make a fresh batch.

Like he would piss in it like hot and then. He started doing insta live, you know, to like show people like. He treats it like soccer. He does a cold one and then a hot one. Yeah. There he is. Wow. He does do like soccer.

Hot ass, hot bro. Uh huh. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Oh. We had to do the little blur.

Yeah. Big blur, Robert. Big blur. Big blur. He actually has a big hog on him. Oh. He topped it off. Yeah.

And then he's like. I had some wine and piss. I'm gonna get drunk. Feeling loose. Trying to get fucked. Feeling loose. But you know what? You, you, you picked up on something that a lot of listeners have.

They're celebrating how open and honest he is. Yeah. He's just like, this is what I like. Yeah. I'm attracted to, to being your true self. Better be careful. This man seems like the truest. No, no.

I said what I said. He'll be like. I said what I said. I want, I want nothing to do with it. Yeah. But be yourself. Well, if you're ever in New York, 2395 Wagner houses apartment 2C. Oh.

Oh yes. Wait, listen to Tom do the address. Go for it. 2395 Wagner houses apartment 2C, 124th and 1st Avenue, East Harlem. Oh, 718-930-9723. Yeah. I love you have that. Well, he's, he only said it 600 times in all his posts and writes it under everything.

See, he's a genius, the marketer. I mean, he's getting, he can get the, the word out. That's amazing. He, he lets you know, he really did put out there like, you know, this is what I like. And here's who I want to come over and here's my address and phone number. Knows what he likes. Yeah. Like a man that knows.

Now back to this double pipe classic. Yes, please. June 1st, 2016. Yeah. Walk me through it. You're in Russia. Oh my God. Where in Russia?

In Russia, in a show in Moscow. Okay. Sorry, Moscow. They hate when you say Moscow, I think. They do? I guess. I don't know. They hate a lot of stuff.

They hate everything. It's my tribe. But I ended up just eating the worst food, stuff that, you know, bubbles you up a little bit. Yeah. It was a combination of Pirates Booty and some other vegetables and stuff. Pirates Booty is a good one. Pirates Booty is a good one.

It's a good bus treat. A lot of good gas in there, a lot of good air. Yeah. I ended up sitting down with my drummer and we were hanging out and it happened so organically. I wasn't pushing. There was no, like, pre-thought. It was just, that would be nice, you know, like maybe a wish. Yeah.

And then out of nowhere, felt the urge to burp. Didn't feel the need to fart. Right. And when I burped, the fart came out. That's what, that's how it happened. That's how it happened. You can't be like, when you try to make it happen, one will sneak out. Yep.

One will sneak out before. That's why it's magic. That's why you know God's there. Yep. Yep. It was absolutely astonishing to me how proud I was in that moment. You know what I mean? I'm glad that you let us know.

Absolutely. How could I keep that? You know, there's so many high and tight girls were like, oh my God, Brandon just had a double pop out. Fart out farts? Yeah. Dude, they, no, dude, they love it. My fans love it that I fart.

Yeah. Yeah. Of course. Everybody farts. Listen, okay. Should we just get into your ultimate rock stardom? I mean, where do we begin? Oh my God.

You are, I mean, the epitome of a fucking star. Like we watch your videos and you're like, this guy, you're a fucking movie star. Do you want to do movies? That'd be fun. I hate auditions. I hate auditions. I've been auditioned. You need to audition?

I don't know, man. Fucking green light dude. We talking about. Tom Cruise has to audition, right? No. No. Not Tom Cruise. No.

Maybe Nick Cage has to audition. Maybe. I don't know. They're like, are you going to show up? We got ADR and you got to do that too. No, but like, do you ever think about like, so like, you know, in entertainment, there's these, there are the things that's like making it as an actor, comedian, all these things where it's great.

You always feel lucky. But like the probability has to be the lowest for a rock star like to be like, me and my band are going to make it is insane. Absolutely. I mean, we had so many, you know, the lightning striking twice in so many scenarios where it was just like, this shouldn't be happening, but I'm going to run with it because our foot's in the door now. Like, that's how it started.

We posted a link on this, you know, fan forum and then this guy from follow boy saw at our buddy Pete and then, you know, back then he was like, I'm starting a label. We're like, yeah, we know, idiot. That's why we put our fucking link on your goddamn fan forum. Like, sign us. You know, we were so mad. It was like, dude, we're, oh, we said something like, we're better than your band. Come check out why it was like a, such a troll, like, you know, kind of get a miss.

But wait, when that's happening. Yeah. How long ago is that? That's 2004. 2004. Yeah. So 17 years old. 17.

Still in high school. Still had a shitty job at a smoothie hut. Sorry, tropical smoothie. I love you guys. But it was, yeah. You mean you don't want to work there anymore? Yeah. What?

No, it was, it was whatever. And you guys are just playing. Like, are you actually doing the road? No. So Vegas is interesting because you have to be 21 and over to play gigs. No, he was, you're from Las Vegas. You grew up there. Not born.

You're moved. No, I was born in St. George, Utah. My family's all Mormon. They moved us to Vegas when I was like two and a half, almost three years old. That great Mormon Vegas community. Great, great, beautiful synergy with the strip clubs and the cocaine. Gambling.

Absolutely. Why Vegas? There is a massive, they want to convert everybody, I think, but there's a massive Mormon community in Vegas. That makes sense. Makes sense. I think it was founded by Mormons. Where the vices are.

Yeah, that makes sense. So insane. Yeah, exactly. You know where all the evil is and change them. Yeah. But it just, I don't know. It became a thing of like we wanted to get out because we couldn't play any gigs. So, so trying to get out of Vegas, that was the goal.

So internet became a thing, thank God. We found my space. We started putting stuff on pure volume and like all these websites. You're so young. We're 17. Are the whole band is 17? Yeah. One guy was older.

He was a year older. So he was 18 at the time. When we started touring, he was 19. We were 18. Now, hold on though. You're 17, but he's like the hot guy in high school. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it became of an escape, obviously, music was, but then when we finally got that opportunity, then it was like, all right, meet with our management, meet with our label, meet with these people, hey, go do a networking thing. I'm like, the fuck does that mean? You have to sit

in meetings and talk to business people and stuff. So we started doing that, hated that, just realized I wanted to tour in a band, so we just did that. My parents loved it, no, they fucking hated it. Yeah, of course. They wanted me to go to college and go on a mission for the Mormon church. Were they, there's hating it, and then there's like, you know, in some people's minds, you imagine Mormon parents being like extra strict. I mean, were they like, you're not fucking touring. No, they wanted me to do music. They just wanted me to do college or do a mission and then college, then find a nice Mormon wife and settle down, get married, become a lawyer. But they wanted, like music has always been a thing in our family.

Rejoicing with music was like always a thing. My mom played piano to play guitar. We always gather around the piano and sing songs, Christmas time, whatever, but I needed more. Like I wanted to leave Vegas. I wanted to get laid, dude. Yeah, bro. Oh, man. Tell us some smash stories. Yeah, bro. All right, this one time. Oh, fuck yeah. Were you like, I'm Brendan Urie. Suck my dick. That's how it works. No, I can tell you one time I hooked up with this girl in England and she sounded great. Like, no, at the time, that was like my second time in England, and I thought it was so attractive, that accent. Now I go back and sorry to my UK fans. I love you guys. You know this, but it doesn't sound so sexy anymore. You know, you're in a bar and

there's like, oh, you want to tell me, no, I can fucking, you know, it's like, oh, shit. You're just like Americans like, right there. You're all right. I forget you're the master of accents. Yeah, that's, I don't know. I met this one girl. We hooked up at the end of it. It's got to be so easy for you. I mean, at the time panic was on the rise. So yeah, I was also young. We were all, you know, like 19. You guys just pull your dicks out. You actually talk to them first. I mean, this was pre me too. This is pre like all those times up. Yeah. I mean, time wasn't up back then. So I was ready to know my name. Shut up. I've never. I don't give a fuck what you're. Yeah. Never, dude. I'm such a nerd. He's the sweetest. He's married. That honestly makes me laugh so hard

because it's like, you get on all four words. You're like, you know where to eat. I go eat it from the back. Scrum master time. Scrum gang. Is that our next song with Taylor Swift? Scrum masters featuring Taylor. That's my song. Dude, Taylor, get at me. Dude, this one time, this girl, I hooked up with her and at the end of it, like we, you know, I had a great time. It was all done. And at the end, she goes, I want to suck your willy now. And I was like, whoa. Wait at the end of it. Yeah. But I was late, like 45 minutes late for bus call. And I was like, I'm already late. Like I have to go. So I ran out. So I was like, thank you very much for the offer. I have to leave appreciate it. I ran out of her flat and I ran downstairs, ran outside. It's like two in the

morning and there's no cabs, no cars anywhere. I was like, oh my God, I'm so fucked, you know. Finally, like serendipitously, this car comes down the road, this cab. And he's smiling like this huge smile. And I go around the side. I go, yo, can you take me to this venue? You take me to the O2. I need to get back to my bus. And he goes, yeah, sure, mate. I jump in the back. He goes, was she worth it? How did you know? You can see the sex, the guilt and the happiness. He just knew. So you grew up in the LDS church. And did you have a lot of guilt and shame around sex and sex? I imagine. I walked in on my parents having sex. Sorry, mom and dad. When I was eight years old, yikes. Yeah. And they told me about sex at eight years old because I

saw it. So my mom took me upstairs, showed me the anatomy book. I was like, why are you, my balls are still up. I don't know what this means. Like that's crazy. So I learned it pretty early. But actually, I was grateful for that because, you know, they tied in their whole church thing, but kind of left that to me to decide what all of it meant at eight years old. It's kind of crazy. I'm not so young. But I think for me, I just, I needed to rebel. It was not super strict. Like we had a good time, super close to my family. But dude, so they tell you, you can't do shit and they never explain it. And I can't deal with it. I'm like, dude, I need an explanation. Did you do the thing, by the way, like you have your homeboy come and then during the show, he's like picking

out the hotties. Like, I mean, yes, dude, I'm not going to have him around and like, that's right. You gotta be like, he's terrifying looking dude. They're gonna be like, yes, I'll go with you, whatever you say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's such a terrible. That's what I do now. It's great. Did you stop with your man of stature? You're tall. That's right. I'm like, get her, get her. And then they come back. She's a hard. You're like, I like your jokes. You are so nasty. I know what Cosby used to do. I heard he would. Yeah. Well, he's a little different. You'd be like, why don't you have a little sip? Follow the greats on the shoulders of giants. But then so the first time you bust nuts with a girl, do you have like this weight

because I went to Catholic school and I have to say that like until I was married to Tom and having marital sex, a part of me was weird and guilty every time I had, I had premarital sex. It was like this unconscious weird. How could you not? I mean, of course, that makes sense. I lost my virginity when I was 13. What? Of course you did. God, on the last day of eighth grade, me and my friend, we were, excuse me, we were best friends. You can burp in the mic here. I forget. Yeah. Thank you. Wow. Imagine that with a fart coming out. I know. But you're a legend. You're the best guess ever. Come on. Get out of here. What were you talking about? No, so I lost my eighth grade. I lost my virginity in eighth grade. Last day of eighth grade, we planned it. We were like,

all right, let's date for a couple of weeks so it's not, you know, so it's like legit. It was kind of cute. And so we were just really good friends. Wait, she was in eighth grade too. So I was 13. I would have busted so far. Oh, dude. No, we, dude, it was crazy. We had sex for like an hour. What? I think because I was so nervous wearing condom and like never wearing a condom in my life. Just always, you know, lotion, trying to figure your, discover your body. Yeah. And so I ended up drinking piss and everything. Trying to see if I liked that or not. It just, it was nice. Like it was like a cool thing. And then like a week later, I called her and was like, hey, so we should just be friends, right? It was like really mature actually. Jesus. Yeah,

it was weird in eighth grade. See, I was like, but then a year went by, then I had sex. I didn't have sex again until I was 14. Okay. Why, why the year? I don't know. I think I was just trying to process it too soon, too soon, 13. I would have, I had sex and I'd be like, I love you. I know. Look at us now. But you, but do you think that, that hoe now is like, damn, dude, I could have had, we could have been something now. No, for sure. She looks at you and she's like, no, she's happily married. Those cool high school guys that gave you nicknames are probably like, I bet their lives are dope. His shit kind of worked out. Dude, one time this guy that used to bully me, his name's Danny Scolari. If you're listening to this, bro, oh my God. So funny.

Double bird in Scolari. He gave me a concussion in PE. We were playing, we were playing flag football as he called it. Fag football. Yeah. And decided to up the game a little bit and decided to tackle me and knocked me unconscious. When I came to my friend Steve was just hanging above me. He's like, bro, are you okay? I was like, how long is I always like 30 seconds? I'm like, okay. So I got up and then a year later, he got shot in the leg. He lived through it, but he got shot. And I was just like, yeah. Yeah. Fuck you, Danny. Fuck you, Danny Scolari. Piece of shit. He's still alive though. So it's okay. Yeah, you're fine. As long as they live through fucking limp. That's true. So 13 you pop your cherry and then you're 17 when you start

in the music biz. And then so it's 2004. Yes. And you get signed to a label 2004. We start the band in 2005. Yeah. But he got signed. So being signed, like that happens to so many. And then you're like, I guess this is our shot, right? Right. And then, but like, for the most part, that just doesn't pan out. No, I mean, it's such a shot in the dark. It is. It's like any of this shit is, right? You know, like putting out a special auditioning and getting a part. And it's like, you just like, I don't know what's gonna happen. You never know what's gonna happen. And then when it starts to take off for you, like it must feel surreal, right? Oh my God, we dude, there's so many interviews where we were just assholes. I think it was like to compensate. Yeah, to be like, to be like,

you know, fake it till you make it like act like you've been there. And it's like, oh, this is nothing to me, dude, like fucking be an interview on MTV, bro, whatever. I mean, it's like, dude, what a shitty attitude to have. Yeah. So there's so many of those interviews that I remember watching those back. And I think I hated myself at that point. So I got back on like medication for like ADHD and anxiety and depression, all that stuff. I'm thinking that was going to fix it. Made it so much worse. It did. Oh my God. The medication. Yeah. Why is that? It made me, it just made me like not really present. So despondent, you know, I was just like, I don't want to be here. You know what I mean? You could look back at old interviews. I'm like, oh, yikes.

But it's interesting that you say like when sometimes when you see especially like people in bands and interviews look like act like dicks, you realize later on that like they're probably just like insecure at the time. They're probably terrified. Yeah. And so they're acting out to like not feel vulnerable and afraid. I'm like, seriously insecurity. It's like those people. I'm so jealous of people on Instagram that can take cool photos with fans when they're like, like not affected because I'm always like, dude, same, you know, I cheese so hard. Yeah. Yeah. There's no reason. I mean, I'm meeting somebody that's like, I fucking love you. You know, how can I not be like, oh, sick, dude, let's go. I'm so excited. I'm way cooler than you.

You are. Cool. I know. I'm like, I can't help myself. What's up? Yeah. So cool. So I asked you before we started rolling, if you would listen to this clash podcast on Spotify, I'm fucking obsessed with it. Chuck D narrates it. Check it out if you're a fan of the clash. I'm definitely going to now. So I didn't realize everyone says how dirty the record business is. No, I never heard that. It's good solid people. They want artists to thrive. Absolutely. But I didn't realize the details, the devil, the details until you listen to this clash, the story of the clash and how they got buttfucked by CBS records. So fucking hard. So they signed a five record deal. Their first record was like lightning in a bottle. CBS comes,

you know, and they have to crank out these records and they're not seeing a dime on it for just years and years. Meanwhile, they're touring and they're smashing up venues. So everything costs twice as much. So they're dope. Like they're fucking broke idiots. Anyways, how do you then how do you become successful in a business that's kind of set up to sabotage you? Like you're vulnerable. You're 17. Hey, you want a record deal? Yeah. We'll sign your life away. Sign the next six records away. We own it. Yeah. How do you fucking make any scratch, bro? I think that the clash history kind of helps like this generation, because I don't really like we grew up with behind the music, you know, so I could watch that shit and be like, oh, yikes,

I'm not doing cocaine. Yes, you did that in your videos. We like, but yeah, totally. I made it. Yeah. I made a puppet. I mean, some of that's autobiographical, but it's more like it is such a toxic industry. They can turn in you into, you know what I relate it to the best is Dave Chappelle actually had that bit where he explains Pimp, the book, and he's like, really, it's about how much mileage you can get out of a hoe. And in this, in this, I have a lyric that says that I'm a hooker selling songs and my Pimp's a record label. So I was like, that's so true, dude. You know, and I accept that and it's fine. But to what extent do I allow myself to run out of mileage or to allow them to like homey out to where I'm just spread to thin, you know what I mean? So

you're always thinking about it then always, always thinking about that. I never want to be taken advantage of because it has come up before. There's this thing that when we first got signed for like a year, we were safe a year into it. This thing popped up called a 360 deal where you were going to make more money in the long run, all this shit. What it ended up being was they would take you, we owned our merch and they wanted to take that money too from the tour. They label wanted to own the merch. So I was like, heck you. So we said, no, thanks. And it was because of our friend Pete from follow. But he like warned us. He's like, don't sign this deal. It's probably not a good idea, but I'm going to have to sell it to you because I'm part of the label. I was like,

okay, at least you're honest, you know. So wait, what's the response when you go like, we'll pass on this or do they then try to like? They're bummed because they sell it to you so good, but we knew it going in. That merch is valuable. Oh my God, that's everything. I mean, if you're, I'm a glorified t-shirt salesman is what I say because I'm doing music, which I love, but I have to sell merch and stuff to survive, like to actually live. So is that because of the record business? So how do you guys make your money? Because it's on the iTunes. It's touring. It's mostly tour and then we'll do like private shows, which pay crazy. It's like some rich guy's daughter's a fan and he's like, come play the Bahamas.

Come on down. Yeah, it's just crazy. Oh, it's insane. It's a bat mitzvah and you know, like we did one that was a corporate gig. It was a, you know, uh, 600 employees and this billionaire just like bought out the entire resort for them. So we were just walking around people just like, oh, sick, dude, love your band, bro. I'll see you later. I was like, oh, shit, this is crazy. Everybody's super nice, but like you bought out the resort, the entire resort in the Bahamas. Bro, it was insane. What's the, what's the worst thing song thing a little bit? All right, man. Dance monkey. Yeah. It's like shit. One time, um, somebody asked me to roast at a wedding party and they're like, the bride is Catholic and the groom is Muslim. Can you just like tell jokes?

Oh, this will be easy. Yeah. I go, uh, sure. $25,000 is like a fuck yourself. That's awesome. No. And I didn't, they will give me that kind of, if they did, I'd be like, all right, $25,000. But that's what, that's what kind of change for us is that we started just saying no, the power of no and then listing crazy fucking numbers. We're like, we'll do for a million dollars. They're like, okay, okay, dude. And you're like, wait, what? What? That's all it take. And a private jet there and back. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Dude, the jet is everything. We started doing that last year. Heart flex on you guys, but like, no, this is what I'm talking about. This is why you're here. I mean, you got your jet though, dude. Let's be fair.

Good to balloon. I got the balloon. And listen, I've, I've, the chain's nice. It's a good step in the right direction. I've, I've been chartering buses for a while. Okay. Let's talk bus talk. I did a few jet charters. It's amazing. I just want her to sign off on the card where I buy the hours, you know, do you do that? No. So like we do the, I mean, that would be smart actually, but we're, we have a friend who bought a bus and then rents it out to his friends and other things. Okay. Okay. So we got spoiled. But you, but you charter it though. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And how about the plane? What's your favorite plane? Let's talk planes. Oh, let's want to talk planes. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to go G five. Have you been chartering G fives? Yeah. Fuck. Wait,

what's the G what's so special about it? It's like fucking $60 million. Yeah, but, but, but, but, but, but no, no, no, no, no, no. So, so we go through a company and they give us deals because of how we use it. And it's also through like when you're in the industry, you have friends of friends who are managers of managers of friends and stuff. It's like very incestuous, incestuous. Yeah. That's right. But everybody knows each other is like in business with each other. So you just make a call and if you have a good enough crew that are trustworthy, they're going to get you a deal. So our guy shout out to Tony Marino and Zach Hall. What's up, Zach? And it just makes it like easier. Honestly, it's the best. It's the,

it's the absolute best. It is. When you're, when you're doing that kind of business, you do for sure. Homie, but to own it, bro. No, we don't, we don't, we don't want the car. You want the car. You want to do a renting thing. Let's talk about the next tour. Let's talk about, let's talk about etiquette. Yeah. So what's the number one rule that you were told when you have a bus? You don't make chocolate on the bus. That's damn right. And I'm glad that we have the same start to the language. Apparently, I've heard that you, if that the new, the new, new is they have like a grinder thing in there. This is what I want to talk about. So I just had a bus, this last tour that had that would never drop a bomb on it because of what the grinder is. Now a grinder,

it sounds convincing. Like it's going to mash it all up and it'll disappear the shit, whatever. Dude, it's a, it's more of a masher. So it just matches it. That's what I'm saying. Wait, wait, it matches it and rinses it. It doesn't really grind it. Mashes and rinses. It mashes the brown. Yes. And you like a paste? Kind of. So wait, you didn't shit on it or you did? No, no, no, no. Cause I mean, even if you shit on it, it's still going to be stored in a liquidy form. Doing a state of the art bus at the end of this month. So you can get the ones that grind it and then shit it right out and like pure, like put it through its own filter so it doesn't stink. Yeah. So it sits in its own tank. That's what I was going to ask. That's expensive. So you're

telling me you make the brown into soup, but then doesn't that make it smell more? It pushes the particles everywhere. The brown. You would think so, but the water is the thing that dissipates the smell when you're shitting into a toilet. So I don't know. Wow. See, the crazy thing about it. We gotta ask Dr. Drew. I think we need to try it out. I think we all need to shit. We do. On top of, maybe the, I don't know, what would stack this shit? Why don't we just get a bus to pull up here right now and go, let's go for a ride. Zach, we need that. The fucking thing is, you know what's weird? Like people who don't know is like when you, when you get on most of these buses, the drivers first of all, they're always like super nice. Oh yeah. A lot of times they're

Southern and they'll be like, well, uh, you know, it's, I would not make a solid. A solid. If you do, it'll come through the vents. Oh my God. I mean, we'll just deal with it, but, you know, it's probably emergency only when you're like, all right. So then you're like, for my, like for my busy weeks, we're doing two shows in a city and then, oh, wait, two shows in a day or two shows, two shows that night, right? So like two shows every night. So I'm saying like, it might be, what'll happen is it'll be Friday night and I'm in Chicago and late show ends. It's 12 31 in the morning. I maybe eight dinner right after that show. And then you're like, all right. And they're like, we're going to Nashville. Like you get on the

bus. You're like chilling and you're like, I'm going to go to sleep, right? And like, finally after a couple of hours, then you're like, I got to take a shit, bro. And then it's like two in the morning or something. You're like, come on. Like that's when you're like, there's a really a no shit rule on this thing. Wait, but what do you do when you got a brown it too? You have to pull over. No, I tell you what you do. I had to do this one time. Not what you, not what you do, not like do this. This is like the worst way to do it. But on our first bus tour ever in the States, I had to shit so bad. And so I took a plastic bag. They gave me like an old Vaughn's bag, stacked it into the toilet, sat on it, shit into it, wrapped it up, threw it

out the window, out the window, littered like a boss, dude. Yeah. That's a ball of move. By the way, if I was a cop, I had to pull them over and been like, Oh, is that Brandon? What's up? Not back then. You've been like, who's this fucking? He forgot this guy. Damn. Hot bag. That's what hotbagging. Yeah. Holy hotbag. So you've got three boys and one girl and your band. Yes. And you guys all share the bus. So I have my own bus. Have to do it. I've only started doing that in the last like two years though. It would never used to be like that. I love sharing a bus with the crew and the band because like, we're actually all good friends. So it makes sense. Do you need your privacy? Yeah, especially like when I fly my wife out and my dogs, you know, when they come out,

also need to rest the voice. Yeah. I also don't want people looking at me. That's what I'm saying. No, that's what's up. That's fucking. Now, do you guys fly G five together? Yeah, be the whole band. Yeah. So like, usually the deal with that is that it's not worked into our deal anymore, but I got so used to it that I started like saving money, not spending it on stuff that I usually would and being like, I'm going to use that toward the thing so we can fly everybody to the gig. It's just, it helps morale too. Absolutely helps you de-strat like you're not a stress when you show up to a gig and like everybody's eat. And the best part of the best one I ever did was, um, was flying into another country. So I flew into Canada and then customs

meets you on the, on the fucking. And it's so quick. And then they're like, welcome to Canada. That's worth it. You don't have to wait in a line. That's worth $60 million. Absolutely. But let's, let's talk pre Brandon has his own. Sure. This is like a bunch of smelly dudes in a bus. Before we had a girl in the, in the band, we had four guys in the band and we were sweaty teenagers in a van, in a conversion van, towing a trailer that's not supposed to. That's why the engine block cracked halfway through the tour. We had to buy 50 passenger van. It was really stinky though, but we used to, the great thing is we used to have these speakers in the, in the conversion van. They were so stupid, but you could angle them in certain places. So whoever was sleeping on this

side was the loudest speaker. And that was right when some band event seven fold came out with friends. They're so not the nicest people. You put it back to that thing and whoever was sleeping got really mad. But that's how you welcome up for their shift. It was like your turn to drive for six hours. So you guys would take turns driving. Yeah. That's how much of a role. Like you went from driving, taking turns driving a passenger van to flying on G five. I know it's pretty wild, man. Pretty cool. That is so fucking. It's very weird. The first time you heard this. Here we go. This is the part that took me a long time to produce. Ready? I had to go. Yep. Yep. Timing. Go Brennan.

I showed that to my band when you first put that out, dude. We were dying. You know what it became? It became the song we played in our meet and greets when we were meeting fans. Seriously? That's not a joke. Really? Yep. That reminds me now of the meet and greet. You guys have had such an influence on panic at the disco's rise. And then I am honored. I am beyond honored. And then we got her on the phone. Hello. You got both her name, Melissa. Gloria Estefan. I always forget her name. Vila Lobos. Oh no. Vila Senor. Vila Senor. That's right. Oh my God. He's so good. Dude, her impersonation is insane. She's actually got Gloria. I know. Well, she got bombarded on Twitter. I was like, who are these people? That's gonna be about farts.

Well, Melissa Villasenor is now on SNL. Yeah. For those of you who don't know. She was on YMH many years ago. So cool. Oh, so did you want us to do that to some of panic at the disco's songs? If you could. Yeah. Oh my God. Remix, please. I mean, yeah. Yeah. I mean, there's a whole, I mean, you have to talk to R8, whatever. But yeah, we'll do every album. Every album. Yeah. Do you think your fans would appreciate that? They would love it. So the first album is called The Fever You Can't Sweat Out. You Can't Sweat Out. Oh, you could do pretty farts. Oh, yeah. Bro. Yeah. I mean, that's great. It's a whole new demo. You're tapping in. Now, you know what I like a lot about you? Is that in an era of cynicism, farts at the disco, Blue Band, right? Thank you.

High hopes could be fart. High farts. High farts. Yeah. High and tight farts. Now we're collaborating. High and tight farts. That's it. Can you put the hook in there? Just replace it. Please. Talk about merch. Please keep singing. I love it. I love it. I love you guys. What's the best penis of merch? Shirts? Oh, so how to sell her. Oh, God. Best penis of them. Yeah, I don't know shirts. No, hoodies go crazy. Yeah, we have hot farts. High farts. High farts. See it. Before I forget. Oh, sorry. Were you about the last part? Well, let him sing that. High farts.

Shooting from my anus. Never gonna spill it. Always get the farts and I keep it with her in this. Always got hot, hot farts. Tears in my eyes. That was so beautiful. This is gonna work out for you. I'm getting real hot farts right now. This is really happening. Uh-oh. I love you, sneak. You're jammed. You guys are amazing. Listen, there's this other artist who you recently came out with a song with. Taylor Swift. This is nobody's forever. So she's a singer. So she does some dancing. She's a really cute artist on the rise. On the rise. I've heard of her. Dude. Adorable. You guys put out this song, Me. And I think like in a day or something, it had a hundred million views.

That's ridiculous. On YouTube. I don't know how many streams. I saw a thing like broke every record. I watched the video. It looks like it cost over a hundred dollars to make. It was almost a thousand dollars. Almost a thousand dollar video. You can tell. You can feel like there's easily eight, nine hundred bucks in this thing. No, it looks like a fucking Lord of the Rings production. It looks insane. And it's an amazing video song. Do you just get a call? Are you guys friends before this? No, not friends before. We had friends who were friends, but we'd never talked ever. And so I was on a day off on the second week of tour in January. And I get a text from her. This amazing text. Excuse me.

This amazing text. Best guest ever. I mean, we got the fart song. Episode 500, man. Episode 500. So sorry. I'm so sorry. No, but I get this text from her. It's just amazing. And she's just like gushing over the band like, Oh, I love you guys. I was like, Holy shit. So I reciprocated obviously like, I love your stuff. You seem amazing. So it was really fun. She sent me the song and it was missing a bridge and like a couple little things. And then she asked if I wanted to work on it. I said, absolutely. It's really fun. So then the day that we were supposed to work together, we had a day off in New York. I had 104 fever. I was dying. I lost my voice. I was like, this sucks. This sucks. So I had to text her. I was like, listen, I don't think I can make it.

And she texted me the sweetest thing ever. She was like, listen, maybe just give me an hour. And if you can't do that, maybe just like a Skype session, like I would love to work. And I was like, you know what? Fuck it. I'll just be sick. Just know that I'm sick. I don't want to get you sick. So I showed up and she was so cool and cute. She had this like set up for me with like throat coat tea still came in and gave me the warmest hugs. She's really a kind person. And so I showed her this bridge that I made at like 8 a.m. where I'm like, I'm like hacking up shit. And she was so sweet about it. And then yeah, we just, we finished the song together within a couple hours. And then she hit me up like, hey,

I have an idea for the video. I was like, great. She's like, it's tiring watching her work because she's so good at it, but such a hard worker. Like it makes me sleepy thinking about it. It's one of those ultra driven ultra visionary. Like right when we finished the song, she's like, I already know what the video is going to be and started explaining all this stuff to me. It's going to be a snake. It turns into butterflies. And I was like, Jesus, your mind is mesmerizing. Yeah. But I was noticing what I love about you. And I can understand why Taylor Swift and you two would work well together. And so you're both like positive people. Oh, do you know what I mean? Like there's no like, fuck you. Yeah. Well, I appreciate that. I really

appreciate it. Like your music, it's not, it's not like you're not a fucking bummer. You know what I mean? You're not like too cool for school. What? Thank you. Yeah. We need some kind of ration out. He's all right. No, that's really kind of you. I love that. I like, I don't know, man, I just don't, I'm very selfish. So I don't do things I don't want to do. Yeah. I only say yes to the stuff I'm like stoked on. But it's got to be wild right to get a call or text from like Taylor Swift. Absolutely. And we talked briefly on the phone. I was like, well, you're the coolest. She sends me these voice memos. Dude, she got like, there's so many cool things like, I'm just building the lore of Taylor Swift, but she's like truly phenomenal person.

We were, we were shooting the video and she got this cat from a rescue to like come in and be the cat that I give her in the video and stuff. And they pulled this thing out of the crate and she like saw her like fall in love. She's like a cat fanatic. I saw her fall in love with it. And I was like, holy shit, this is crazy. And then mid shooting, she goes like, is it available? They go, yeah. She goes, can I have him? I was like, yeah. I loved it. Like just like that. Taylor had a new cat and I was like, God, damn, that's dope. Most people, they were like, well, we're going to come by your house, see how you live. And if you fill out and she was like, kind of have it. And they're like, you have it. Yeah. You're not coming to my house. So yeah.

You can give it to me. That's amazing. So do you write the lyrics? How does it work? Some of it. Yeah. Yeah. I have a bunch of friends that I work with though. Like I try to tell people because they're like, oh, it's all just Brendan now and they're doing his thing. And he's like, no, man, I'm only as good as the people that I surround myself with because if I didn't have them, I'd be fucking just playing video games, probably not doing much, you know. So what's your like process? Are you laying in bed? It comes to you at like four in the morning. Oh, I got a fucking that's the roughest when it wakes me up out of a sleep. And I'm like, fuck. I have to like go work on it. Dude, it's seriously frustrating. Sometimes I wake up and scream and say, I'll be like,

what the fuck? Like you need to calm down. I'm frustrated. I have to go work on this. I'm inspired. All right. I'll create it. Yeah, you're my fucking muse, bitch. I love you. I never going to stop loving you. Shit. I love you God. Oh, God, dude. God, bro. No, it's it'd be like that sometimes. Yeah, because in comedy, too, if you think of a thing, you have to write it down. Does that happen to you a million times in the night? You know what, you know what laziness is? It's going, I'll remember it in the morning. And sometimes you'll sit there. You're like, I definitely remember that as a good one. And then like, you'll start to doze off and you're like, you're not going to remember that. You're like, motherfucker. Yeah, it's just to get up and

go the thing, you know, but that is like, it's funny how you you make it a battle. Like at certain point now, I guess, you know, now I'm aware enough, like just fucking put it down. But it's for some reason, it's like, it's annoying, right? Like you're like, I don't want to. Well, you're so comfy. Yeah. In your spot, you move an inch. You're like, I'm fucked. How do you know it's going to be cool? Because like, I can't write lyrics to I can't write a fucking song. We're like, different. I've been a fan of this podcast long enough to know you've got material. She's got bro. I mean, you riffed this fart song here. I that would never be able to. I don't know. I don't I think what are you not like what you just did hot parts. That's a smash hit.

I mean, that's so good. Yeah. Well, I don't know. I mean, as a producer, I produced this song once. I don't know if you've ever heard it. Oh, yeah. This is a classic. Yeah. This is a really good song. Oh, yeah. But hole. But hole. But hole. Yeah. But hole. But hole. Yeah. Why do my ice cubes smell like a but hole? Yeah. The smell. So avant-garde smell. I mean, the smell. It was like, like really powerful. Yeah. That's a great lyric. Thank you. You know what I mean? It's not as a producer. It was like really powerful. It was like really powerful. You can make anything sound good, bro. I mean, dude, you know, see, I used to be as far as I could feel a shower full. You know what I'm saying?

I've been working with her. I want to work with somebody else. Yeah, man, powerful. I mean, what if I text you like a Taylor-like text? I'm like, yo, man, you're just great. As long as you suck my dick enough, dude, you can do whatever you want. I'm metaphorically, you know? Oh, yeah, I got you. Not going down. Just like a text where you're just like brown nose and I'll be like, yeah, yeah. If you suck up to me, dude, I will do, I will work for you. Right. Doesn't that work for anyone? If you butter anybody up, but you haven't done, you know? I know. That's what that also helps, like being positive. You know what I mean? The thing will be too, this shit happens to us all. It happens to me all the time. Someone will

be like, dude, it'll happen after this. Someone will be like, oh my God, you're so funny. Oh, thanks. I saw your specials. I'm like, oh, thanks. They're like, I mean, I show it to all my friends and I'm like, cool. And they'll be like, is there a way you could get me in touch with Brendan Urie? But they butter you up on you and then they're like, can you connect me to somebody else? Totally. That happens. Yeah, that happens. Yeah. Can you, can you introduce me to someone? Yeah. All right. Yeah, man. Here's his address. Go up, go to his house. Cool. Cool. So, okay, I have to ask you musical questions. You kind of sometimes remind me of a Morrissey, but like a young, cute, the hair, the look. Sometimes even though you're like a little,

you know, he's not, he's very morose. My super, my gay mannerisms. I don't know. Is that it? Are you vegan too? No. No. No. I was vegan for like six months. Six months. It was like a trend in the emo scene. Yeah. Yes. Cause that's the, that's where you're kind of from. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's very cool. That's very nice though. Thank you. You're welcome. So who's your, who do you, who'd you grow up? Like, oh, like worshiping? Dave Grohl was one. Yeah. That's a bad S. Yeah. Met him once and he was incredibly kind. Okay. Let me tell this real quick. Love you We played up, we played a festival one time and I knew foo fighter, foo fighter, foo fighters, we're headlining. Yeah. Can't speak. And I walked up to my dressing room. I'd just gone to the bus

to grab something, walked back up to the dressing room and there's a guy with long hair sitting in my chair in the, in our dressing room. And I was like, oh shit, I'm sorry. I don't think I had, oh fuck. And I saw was Dave Grohl and I was just like, oh, yikes. And I didn't know what to say. I was like, do you want to beer something? Like, I don't know what to do. He's like, oh no, sorry, man. I'm using your room to finish the thing in my set list. My, my band is like raging in our room. So I can't really like think in there. I was like, yeah, dude, it's no worries, whatever. He invited us on to stage and the reason that we do a double shot before our show is because of foo fighters because they have a cart roll out with drinks and they all make like a double shot.

And then they throw it back and then they go on stage and that's what you guys do. Yeah, that's cool. It's dope. Do you get, you ever feel the hyper awareness? Do you get ripped before you ever get really like, oh, I have, there was a tour like two year period went by where I don't remember most of it. I was your rock star and you're supposed to be. Yeah, it was great. And like we pulled it off and the show sounded okay, I guess, but like, I don't know. It's, it's different. Like I can be a little bit high. Like I hadn't editable before I came here, but it's not like I'm like freaking out. It was more than like 15 milligrams. I'd be like, oh, what the fuck? Yeah, yeah. See with comedies, like it's weird. Some comics can go up high. Like some of them do it.

Oh yeah. I can't do it. I can't do it. I've done it. I've done it. And I get way too in my head. I don't feel like I'm like naturally flowing. But I see you guys like I know Joey Diaz will like just rip 170 milligrams and go up on stage like a boss. I'm like, yeah, he's got stories for days and can do it. But I don't know how I could. There's no way. No, I can't remember fucking anything. Yeah. No, he, that's a natural state for him. Yeah. Yeah. That's him going to like a place of comfort to be like, I just ate a death star. You're fucking cock. Then he feels normal. That's his normal though. I love how comfortable he is though with this comfort. That's like a true talent. Yeah. Yeah. I told him what I was like, I guess

I ate an edible with him and I was like, that was like a few hours later. I was like, that was terrible, man. I was freaking out. I go, I guess you just don't get that way. He goes, what are you talking about? I had like three panic attacks. And I was like, what? He goes, it was great. It's like freaking out. The freaking out feels good. I hate freaking out because I feel like that that video about the puppet one where you're talking about your mom and your it's kind of autobiographical. No, like the mistakes you made as a young musician of doing blow and parting and then you've kind of like figured your shit out. Yeah. Luckily, cocaine wasn't like a cocaine wasn't like a thing for cocaine, but it wasn't, it wasn't like crazy.

Like I tried it and I was like, this is kind of cool, but I don't know. I'm more of a stoner. I love weed. Yeah. Down, down, down, down, down. But you figured out. I wish I could do quailudes. Oh my God, bring him back. You figured out like how to take like, you can take it too far, but you figured out a young age and you figured it out before you, you didn't like fuck everything up. That's true. That's kind of yeah. I had a friend who did and luckily he's been sober enough for four years, which is fucking awesome, but it could have gone way more south, you know. And I think it's so easy in the industry in comedy too. We work in bars. Literally, yes. It's everywhere and everything's free. Everything's given you. They're like,

do you want drugs? People give you drugs. I have fans giving me weed all the time. I'm like, listen, that's very kind, but you need to, you should take this. I'm not going to take your, go get high and remember how nice I was. Yeah. But when I watch you, I'm like, this guy is a star, bro. That's so kind. That's what I'm saying. The movies, you're a fucking movie star, dude. I appreciate you saying that. But you watch like, watch Brendan perform. I mean, how do you get there? Like you're level and I'm not just talking, it's everything. It's your presence. It's that confidence and it's not arrogance. It's like, you're so grounded and you, it's charming and it's, you're not a piece of shit. I don't know. Well, I wouldn't go too far. I'm a

pretty big piece of shit. I appreciate it though. I appreciate you saying that. Have you always, how did you get there? Do you know what I mean? How do you hone that presence and that confidence? Because somebody listening now is going, I'd love to be a singer in a band, but I don't have, I don't have the confidence. I don't have the talent. Like, what the fuck do you do to get to where you're at? The confidence comes like way, like way fucking later, dude. Like I, I fucking, because that's real confidence later. Real confidence later. You can have full confidence early on. You can fake it till you make it like they say, which I usually hate that phrase, but it's so true. Because if you just show up,

that was the greatest piece of advice I ever got. Like right when the band first split up, and it was just me and my friend, Spencer, the drummer, we, we didn't know really what to do. We were like, well, we need two more members. What the fuck is the dynamic going to be? What the fuck are we even trying to do? Are we going to start a new band? And my friend Rob, like I wasn't leaving the house. I wasn't getting out of bed. It was such a terrible time. My friend Rob Mathis is amazing. And he said, dude, just show up, like get the fuck out of your head. You're not that important. You're going to show up and do whatever the group wants to do. It's not like it's your fucking call. Just show up. Literally just show up and things will happen. I was like,

okay. So I just started showing up to songwriting sessions, doing all kinds of stuff. But that came on later when the band was already a thing. I think where I got it was growing up in my family. We're all, you know, Mormons are entertaining people because they want everybody to have a good time. So my family is the same. Like we love each other. We're so close still, which is awesome. I'm fortunate to have that, especially with the Mormon family, but religious strict family. But I, I remember just doing home videos as kids. Like we would make fake commercials for shit. We made it. Oh, fuck. I have one of my phone. But please we have one where like we're doing fake computer commercials. Like we've got our first gateway and we were just like,

so this computer is like very great. And it's like the first technologies I've ever had. And I had to do like German accents. And I had to do dumb shit. So it kind of, or kind of became like this perform for family. It'll show up later in life. We always kind of had that though. It's a skill that you honed early, not knowing that that was going to be a skill for you later. Totally. But still dreaming of like being on stage. I used to, before we could afford guitars, I used to take a piece of cardboard box in my garage. I would cut it into a shape of a guitar, put yarn through it and just like stand in front of the mirror and be like, all the small things like singing pop punk and shit. That's so crazy. It was, it was crazy.

We made a trade. I remember making a, made fake Steven Segal trailers when we were kids. So like, cause all his movies back then were called like out for justice. So we made one called Steven Segal is, and then we like take a pause. Mad as hell. They did this stupid, you know, fight scenario. It's like ridiculous. But yeah, it's like you're, yeah, you're just trying to make it think. Well, I wanted to ask you because you mentioned it earlier. So are your parents now? I mean, like their son's a rock star. Is it like, are they like, yeah, they love it. It lasted a month that they were bummed because I told them I wasn't going to college. I was like, I'm an atheist. I don't want to go to your church. You told them that

because I heard that they will shun you, right? They'll excommunicate you if you go to get it done, but I never got the paperwork done because I'm a lazy cunt. So I was just like, eh, I don't care. So I just kind of left it to the wayside. I don't really give a fuck. You're like, check out this G550. Yeah, I'm sure that this motherfucker. I ended up just like wanting to do what I wanted to do. And when you're 17, you're like, fuck everybody. I know what's best for me. Yeah. So I just kind of did that. They're super proud now. So proud. And like a month into the recording, we had five weeks to make our first album. We had like $10,000, which for an album, that's nothing. It's fucking dirt. Like that's nothing. So we did that. My parents a week into

recording sent me this care package of my favorite orange, like home-baked orange rolls and everything. My mom wrote me this amazing letter like, matter what, you're my son. I'm going to be proud. You know, we were just bummed. You didn't go to college, but like we love you no matter what. That was the sweetest thing. And they've still been like my biggest fans ever. And you bought them a nice house and some shit. Yeah. I remember getting my mom like a nice pair of like Burberry sneakers and she was like, oh, these are cute. I was like, yes. Cute. It's 600 bucks. Mom, you better fucking. Yeah. I love it. So can I ask, and you don't have to get into too much detail if you don't want to. So you mentioned that the band split up the original.

What happened? Like, is it just living together on buses for years? Yeah. A lot of it was that, but most of it was the two guys that left didn't want anything to do with the way that me and the drummer wanted to take the band. It sounds like so fucking shitty and cliche to be like, oh, it's creative differences, which it kind of was. It was creative. But at the end of the day, we were like, no, dude, we've been around each other every fucking day for two and a half years. Fuck off. Well, what is that? Like when people say that, though, when they go the direction we want to go in, like in layman's terms, is it like we want to make this type of music? And other people are like, no. What it meant for us is every time we try to work on something from

this point, even the last like month, we haven't seen eye to eye and we're not going to. So we better stop before we become enemies. I got stay friends. So it's almost like you're pitching like us like here's a song I want to do. And then like, I'm not really feeling that. Yeah, they're like, that sucks. I don't even see how I was like, well, I have a lot of songs that are similar to this. I don't know how. Yeah. Okay. So it's like, it's evident you have songs that are like that. And you have something to show and they're just like, yeah, we're not feeling that we want to sound like this. You guys want to try doing this. We're out, you know, and it was fine. It actually was good that they left. Yeah, because they needed to they wanted to disassociate from panic playing

music and everything. I think so. I don't really talk to him honestly. Yeah. You know, if it was a text, like I remember texting a few times just being like, bro, let's hang out. Of course, we never did. But I saw, you know, a couple of times I'd see them like another friend's house or like a show or a Halloween party. One time I saw my old friend dressed as a gremlin and I was like, yeah, it was like the last I didn't see him in like five years. I'm like, this is so weird. Those those friend breakups are necessary. You gotta like cleanse your it's happened to all of us. And it happens like as you get older and also like as you become more successful, sometimes people just aren't even ready for you to be where you're at. Yeah. And I feel like it's

more, I don't know, powerful is the wrong word, but like, I'm more confident with a smaller circle of friends. Like I have a hard time having a lot of fucking me like I'm not gonna have 20 fucking friends with them. I don't give a I don't go out, dude. Well, that's like big dinners. I'm like, no. Yeah. No, thanks. One of the lyrics in your song actually makes you mentioned that you were like, I don't need a bunch of friends. It's a fighting out who your friends are. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you can't trust, yeah, you trust me, you'll be lonely. Yeah. Basically, yeah, you have to you, you got to like, keep your circle small and make sure that you fucking trust those people, especially in this industry is like talking about that. It's like, man, it's a shit show.

And if you don't have like a small army behind you, because I mean, dude, you can take over the fucking free world with three people by your side, you know what I mean? So it's kind of what it is. You know, this, this show, it's episode 500. We have to debut some new clips. So can I just say it's such an honor to be here and for 500. I know this is awesome, man. I mean, oh my god, so excited right now. This is a lady. All I know. So I'm with you on this, Brendan. I'm with you. All I know is that our wonderful producer blue band right there told me a lady is getting an asshole tattoo. Oh my god. Yes. So let's, let's see how this goes. Getting her butthole tattoo. Oh, oh, fucking nigger. Big words.

Oh, fucking assholes. Yeah. That's a wow. That's her first go to. That's right. It was the hard hour. Right. Right. Right. That came in hot, dude. Shit. That's what she does when she stubs her toe. Like, Jesus, son of a, like you really have to be a racist at your core. If that's your go to, right? You black asshole. Yeah, I've got a question. Oh dude. I mean, you can tell that's her go to word. Come on. Yeah. Right. Look at her. That's a lady. No, she's like, that's my first time saying that. I didn't know it could taste so good on your lips. Dude. So I have a funny question that I asked you guys. Is it called, I say that inward? That's from, is that a porn? That's a porn. Yeah. She's getting banged out by BBC. Yes. Yes. And then they're like, you may. Yeah. But

it's a funny question. Is that the universal rule? Funny question. Yeah. Funny question. I have a super cute question. There's a, there's this funny thing that happens too. If, if someone's dick is not in you and you ask, it doesn't go so well. I was going to say that's kind of carte blanche for anything. Yeah. They're like, yeah. Go ahead. Yeah. That's fine. I just came by the way. A butthole tattoo. A butthole tattoo. What's the utility? Really? You joked about getting your like, or it'd be like, wow. And just using the butthole. But like, yeah, I saw one in a movie once in an adult movie. And then I also did a gig on the butthole around around the actual and then there was a girl in Philly that would come to the shows and they're like,

she was on one of the big radio shows and they're like, she got a butthole tattoo and they're like, she's awesome. You know, you should ask her about it. She'd come to the shows like the club. You're like, do you have a butthole tattoo? She was like, yeah, I did. How many of your fans do you think have a butthole tattoo that you don't know about? I would, I would, I think, I mean, there's definitely one. I think it's cute. Well, we just, it's a savage move, dude. Yeah. Bro, it's like, is this her, it can't be her first tattoo. That's not a first tattoo. Hell no. Yeah. What tattoos feel like? We get one on my asshole. I don't know. Time out.

Yeah, there you go. That's where you're getting it is. You're saying fuck me with that over getting an asshole tattoo. Oh, they're so drunk, by the way. Yeah, you're not supposed to, right? Well, your blood's super thin. I drink while I'm getting tattooed, but that's different. Is that right? You can. Now, why can't they put a numbing cream on your skin? They do. And, and just really, they didn't. That still hurts. I did it like this one right here. Woo. That's a sensitive spot, right? Very sensitive. Oh my God, it hurts so bad. Now, there's one thing I wondered, like when you, when you start getting tattoos, there's like everything else. There's so many

levels of artists. Yeah. So like now that you're Brendan Urie, the fucking rock star, I mean, do you just, do you put it like, do you target, so you're like, I want to work with this person, that person, or you just go, cause you're not just going to walk into any shop, right? No, no, you vet because like so many people in the industry, and especially like on our side of it, in the rock world have tattoos and they're really good artists. So you have ends with friends, you know, another one that's like, Hey man, you got a guy? Yeah, I got a guy. Just I'll text him real quick. So it became like a thing where you don't have to pay for the tattoo as long as you tweet it out, you know, and kids are going to see it on stage and stuff. Yeah. Oh, that's cool.

I want to get a tattoo. I want to get my first one. I wanted to double, I wanted to say, I have a funny question. And then on the back, it's just N word and the number. That's a funny question. Can I ask you? Okay. So Dave Grohl, you fucking nerded out. Yeah. Who else have you met rock star wise? You're like, Oh my God. Oh my God. You guys are going to love this. Yeah. I met Garth Brooks. No. No. Yes. And in 2013 at the Kennedy Center Honors. Yeah. Couldn't have been nicer or a war a plastic smile. Yeah. You know, I like that. I really like that. Yeah. And I remember him talking and he shared a common ground with our buddy Zach, who's from North Carolina. They talked about the old highway being built that first could take you out to

California. And they're both like similar age, I guess. And they was like, Oh yeah, I remember taking that freeway out there to California and living out there for a little bit. Yeah. He was just like, I am listening to everything. Yeah. It's weird. Like he gives bear hugs, dude. Like it was intense, like big bear. But I was intimidated. I was like Garth Brooks, you know, it's like he's like, I don't I'm not a country fan, but I'm like, he's a fucking icon. Yeah. So for sure. Who's someone that you're a fan of that you're like mother fucker, Billy Joel. I We huge fan Tom loves Billy Joel. Yeah, I bet Bruce Springsteen, Frank Sinatra. I love that you knew that. Of course. But I have a tattoo of Frank Sinatra, too.

Shut up. You do. Let's see. I do. That's him. There's two dames at the mark. And I'll say this as a master of accents, never a better impersonation of Frank Sinatra. I've ever heard in my life. Thank you, sir. Give credit where it's due. Thank you. Show me how those big tits fart is my lyric. Yeah, you know. Is there any coming those balls? Thank you. Coming the wall. Okay, what about Rocco Sifredi? Yes. So far, you're the superest fan. You're the master of drops. I told you. I'm in a fan. Okay. What about have you met ever Perry Farrell? James Addiction? No. I love him.

I would fucking love to though. Yeah. He started Lala. He's fucking who sucks that you were like. Yeah. Who's the worst? Oh, I don't mind if they sucked. I would tell them they sucked. Who sucked? Fuck. I wouldn't say they sucked, but they weren't very happy with the way that we went up and said hi. It's Kathy Bates. Dude, she was at the Kennedy Center party. Yeah. Yeah. Really? She was there and she was just hanging out and me and my wife went up and like, hey, can we, you know, we're huge fans. We list off a couple of things just to like make it credible, like shitty assholes that want to sell for you. Like, could we take a picture with you and our, you know, have our friend take it? And the picture came out and she was just like, like it looks so bummed. Yeah. She was nice

enough about it, but I was like, man, that sucks. We have that picture forever that we do. You were so stoked to meet her. Of course. Now you gotta frame them, right? You gotta frame that shitty picture. It sits right next to the bed. Me and my wife have maritals. Sweet Marilyn. We call it maritals. We get Kathy. Cause I, that's part of the reason I don't want to meet my heroes because then what if they're shitty to you and now you'll have that. It's a possibility, but for the most part, like 98% of the time they're great. People are great. People are great. Wait, did you meet the Pixies or not? No, I was fucking loved to. Yeah, I'm a huge fan. Huge Pixies fan. Met Kim Deal once big day. Fucking yes. Dude, breeders. I remember the first time

I heard cannonball. It blew my mind. Yeah. Yeah. We met. We actually met Kim Deal together. What? I was with her and she was like, what do I do? And I was like, fucking say something. She's like, really? Was she super cool? She was picking her teeth. And she was like, and she had one of those like, like the actual, you know, like the floss. Yeah. She was like, oh yeah. That's pretty cool. Like that. That's a real, that's fucking yeah. That makes me happy. I was on Hyperion. Met Dolly Parton. What? You did? I saw her. I saw her in the airport in Atlanta. I was fucking loved to be Dolly Parton. Yeah. She's pretty rad. Big sweaty tits. Happy tits. Yeah. Wait, who's your hero growing up that you listen to?

God, there's fucking, there was a ton. Yeah. Who did you emulate? Because your presence and everything. My mom, like honestly, all my dancers, my mom taught aerobics growing up. Shut up. She used to teach elderly ladies in this place called Sun City, Nevada, Sun City, Las Vegas. And it was where it's like all geriatrics, right? Just a bunch of old people. And I would have to go at like seven, eight years old because I, you know, no babysitter couldn't have money, whatever. My mom would take me to these classes. I'd sit in the corner and like color in a book while she was teaching these women like, okay, one step and one and up and down and up and spin. And then she would like put on like Will Smith's like, tick, tick, boom. And then like fucking do

crazy shit. And then that was your, so that was my dance inspiration. So Mama Yuri. Mama Yuri. Shout out to mom. What up, honey? And then musically, like who are you listening to as a kid? Oh my God. It was, I had all my older siblings music. So it was anything from like the cure. Yeah. So a Tribe Called Quest. Nice. To Pearl Jam. To like all this random, my brothers were really into like hip hop, like De La Soul and stuff like that. So I kind of picked up on that, started skateboarding, making skate videos and stuff. Love. That's dope, dude. Yeah. Cause you guys were considered an emo band. Yeah. Are you still considered that? I don't know. I mean, people call us that, but I don't really care. Cause I never knew like what it, so to me

it was synonymous with guys with like the hair in the face. Yes. That's a different color. And they wear like wild makeup, which we used to wear makeup, but it wasn't like that on stage. It was interesting. Okay. I don't know. I don't mind it though. Yeah. I grew up goth. And so I grew up listening to the cure and Bauhaus and the Smiths and all this dark stuff. So an emo came around. I was like, what? Like, what's that? You know, it's called goth. Yeah. Yeah. Come on guys. It's such. So blue band told me that we didn't finish this and we need to see the end of this. Oh my God. Sorry. We got ahead of ourselves. Sorry. Okay. Lovely. You can't move. At least how much she should. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Fuck yeah, baby. Oh,

fuck yeah, baby. Oh, fuck me. Fuck me hard. Fuck me hard. And then Lisa. What? What? How much? Lisa, how much meth? Yeah. Do you think Lisa rubbed on her butthole before this happened? Who's the guy who goes, yeah, I'll tattoo your butthole. I mean, I get it. It's like a extra hundred bucks, but it's like, dude, come on. Have some dignity bro. I don't care. I can say whatever I want. I'm getting my asshole fucking raped. Whoa. A hard R. What a full circle video. I mean, two hard R's in one video. Yeah. The hard R's we have starts with racial slurs. There's a butthole tattoo and then she's like, I'm going to turn this into an orgasm. We're not even halfway through the goddamn. Oh, yeah. This video, this clip's not, let's go. Let's go.

Is she putting her, wait, is she a master? Oh, where the fuck you are? Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah, yeah, baby. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, do me. Do me hard. What? Lisa. This is so good. This is so much better than I thought. Oh. Now it's out. Two minutes in and she finally says out. Ow. What the fuck, dude? Dude. I lost my court. Why would the, holy shit. Why? I, I mean, weird. She's used to that feeling. I don't understand. I'm feeling so many things. That's the. Oh, there's so many feelings. I think I just fell in love again.

She's like, he's raping me. Jesus. Dude. Savage. It's good you held onto this one for 500. This is pretty crazy. Yeah, it's a good one. Good job. I'm so honored to be here. Lisa's hanging around for a while. I feel like. Oh my God. This should be her profile. But that's so cute and playful. Like what a little kid would do, you know? If the video started here, you'd be like, this is kind of fun. What's going on with this silly lady? Oh, he's raping me. This is why you don't do drugs, people. I need some weed. Say no to dope. I need some weed. Yeah, you do. The weed's going to make you feel it worse. Is that right? Wouldn't it make you

more sensitive? I mean, she definitely needs more of whatever she's on. That's, that's so, I'm like, I'm crossing my legs because I'm hard. Yeah. Yeah. Well, if you're that guy, by the way, if you're doing the tattoo and she's like, oh, yeah, like fucking put it in my. Like, are you going to put it in her? I think you start getting worked up a little. Yeah. I think I'd be like, this is not a bad idea. I don't know. This chick's not. Well, do we get to see the tattoo? Remember, you're not looking at her face. Right. So her face is away. Right. So it's a double win. You're like, oh, wait, you're like, yeah, she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, fuck yeah. And it looks like she was reaching down. Maybe that's what I'm thinking. So then you're

like, all right, she's not going to get mad. If you butt, but fuck her. Yeah. Well, he, but Brenna makes a good point. How's she going to make brown after, after having a tattoo there? Because you can't do it on the bus. She can't come on the bus. She can't come on the bus. And what is the tattoo of? Do we ever find out blue band what she got? I'm really hoping it's the wow idea. Was that? I think it's a literature. Her mom. Yeah, mom, mommy, mom. Mommy's favorite hole. Oh, man. I need a blunt. I need a blunt. Oh, oh, how long is this going to take? A while. Yeah, baby. Yeah, you're getting a tattoo. I mean, unless he's just outlining the hole, I don't know. I don't know. What is it done? I can't be quiet.

Right on the thing. My asshole. My asshole. My asshole. My asshole. It's the best. That's a better profile. My asshole. My asshole. My asshole. She does get better. If you show this to people when you go, what's happening to this person? Very few might guess. This is a great game though. Why don't you guys do this as a game? No, no, we should do that. Absolutely. What's happening here? What's going on here? Getting fucked again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Butt tattoo. Butt tattoo, yeah. Would you ever, by the way, so would you ever do another region's tattoo? Uh, no. I've seen one on the ding dong and I'm like, ooh, that looks like... Oh, so

of high. I've seen it in porn. Yeah. What would you... Oh, on your dingoling? Yeah. I would tattoo a bigger dick on my dick. No, I would do... I would never do anything like that. I want it to show off. Like, I got the tattoo so I could be like flex with it. You know, like, hey babe, look at my balls. I got him tattooed. It's pointless. Wait, but think about tattooing the butt hole. It's wrinkly. He's got to like stretch the skin, right? It's for the story, I think. But does that change as you get older? It might be the only piece of your body that doesn't really fluctuate unless you really gave it, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Blue my mind. You're right. It doesn't age. Your butt hole doesn't age. Your ears grow,

your nose grows, but your butt hole stays the same. But you got to be in the business of showing your asshole off a lot to have it pay off, right? Because like you said, it's like for someone to see. I feel like if you got a bow hole tattoo, you would be in the business of showing it off because like, you got no other tattoos. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, if you're at a strip club and the stripper's like, you want to see some shit, you're like, all right, what? And then she takes a shit. No, she spreads her cheeks. She's like, check that out. And you're like, oh, wow. Yeah, I didn't realize. It just says two for one. I'm like, yes. That's awesome, dude. That is cool. That's a dolphin going in there. That's wild. Do you have any tattoos you

regret? All of them. Really? No. No, I don't regret them because I'm just like, it's for me, it's like a yearbook. It's like, oh, I remember where I was at in my life when I got that, you know? Yeah. It's like a little trip down memory lane. I got you. I don't know. Man. I have a tramp stamp I regret. Do you have a tattoo? Well, in the nineties, I got a tramp stamp before they were called tramp stamps. It's popular. It's a dragon superling. Sick, dude. Super sick. Just a dragon. It's not anything else. Oh, it's the lint. It's just a dragon. Small. I mean, that works though. G.O.T. is Game of Thrones is massive. That's big and it's a nice tramp stamp. Stop it. See, Tommy appreciates it. It looks poorly done. It's so bad. I had it.

And it's like, it's like, I think it's like the hot, like the worst it's done, the hotter you're like, this is a dirty tramp stamp. It's faded to green now and it's, I was done in Australia and the guy had a scorpion on his face. Dude, you should keep it. We should make an album called Fade to Green, by the way, to be fucking huge. But after the album comes out, then we do the music video is you getting lasered. I would love this. The answer to get that laser. The answer is yes. And I'm, well, let's do the video and I will do it with you. I'll pay for the lasers. I want to ask you, you've been here now for a minute comparing what you went through in the last few weeks with Taylor and the me song video dropping and being here. What feels like a bigger

thing? I mean, there's no comparison. I obviously have to say it's your mom's house. I mean, there's nothing, no platform bigger. I mean, no one, everybody else just has a pipe class. You guys have the double pipe class. It's something that already is made manamously better and exponentially greater. You guys are, you know, ventures. I will make two terrible words, you know, ventures, dude. I love it. Also, I mean, oh, you have something else to show? Yeah. What are you going to show? Yes. Let's go. Okay. Let's go. The show. Brennan's down. Dude, I can't believe when we were watching the clip. Oh, my thank you. Happy birthday. Okay. Let's go. Hi, everybody. Hi. Just wanted to say, say, hey, you know,

in the tub, clean it up, get ready for a game bang. Yeah, gotta have me some black cock, you know, I just totally love it. And more the merrier, by the way. Um, I just wanted to do just a little minute video let you guys know, you know, we got it. Yep. Yep. Thank you. Tight pussy and she loves black cock. Oh, he don't know. So we don't say nothing. But when hubby's away, this big black bbc whore will play. Whoa. That is not acting, by the way. No, if it is awards, awards, awards, awards. No, I

I am so I love her charisma. I love how nonchalant she is. Yes. So hanging up, waiting for the gang bang. Waiting for some big old black cock. Well, it was really cool that she's I like that she is she's showing you that, hey, by the way, I get clean for this shit, you know what I mean? She's not like I'm laying on the bed. I'm soaking in the tub. So you don't have to worry about anything. Look at the filth around the tub. Like look at the it's dirty. It looks great as a tattoo that I had. It's blurred out right now. Can we unbler that? No, really? Why? What's what? What are you blurring out? It's just completely black. Her, her vag is black. Yeah. Like the pubic hair, where the pubic hair is,

it's just like a black block. But I would think that she would look like it's pitch black. That is weird. I would think she would want to keep it white so that the black cock looks greater going in. Why would you camouflage the bbc? I need to be fucked a lot there. Yes, this is the female version. It is the female version. I need to be fucked a lot there. Bro, can I tell you what I admire the most about her? And I admire about anybody that can do this. It's like her body's not what you would call traditionally pretty. It's hotter, right? It's like that. Right? But I love that a bitch doesn't care. Like how do I get there, bro? There's something sexy about that. Right? About just like I don't give a fuck. I'm gonna get fucked either

way. It's like, oh, okay. Let it out, girl. There's a deal, man. Yeah. Here's the deal, man. I mean, Robert does that too. I know. He's just like, it's what it is. I'm fat as fuck and I don't care. And both of them are after that bbc, that piping, man. Yeah. Because I'm too, I'm way too insecure naked to do, to put the leg up and that angle, like. Yeah, that's not like posing naked. That's a whole other level, man. That's not even basic instinct. That's like fucking god damn sloppy instincts. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Salute you. I salute you and I honor you. And I bow to you. I appreciate you. Yeah. Thank you for existing. You're a wonderful person. And I would love to come over. She seems fun to hang out with. Yeah. You think you want to

take her on tour with you? I bet she plays a great game of Gin Remy. Oh yeah. She parties, man. She parties, bro. Yeah. Like, she would actually be the kind of like, you're going to bed? Like, what the fuck? You can't start it. You're like, it's 4 a.m. I can't believe how big a dick was. Yeah. Came in four strokes. So I normally wouldn't do it, but I feel like the opportunity is too good. I mean, I hope you don't get upset. Go ahead. If I were to gift you the fart mic, would you mail it to Taylor? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Imagine Taylor Swift having a fart mic. Mail it to Taylor and what have her do it. I'll say don't put it anywhere near your eyes. Yeah. But appreciate this because it's not easy to give up for these guys. No, I'm putting a case or

something, you know. Oh, I should case. I should frame it for her. Yeah. That's a really good thing. With a vent on it so you can still smell it. Taylor Swift was like, I got this fart mic from Brendan as a thank you for the multi platinum. She was like, I thought he was going to send me like flowers or like a watch. But he sent me this fart mic. Yeah. I'm sure he's going to do that. She would really appreciate that. Of course she would. She's Taylor Swift. All right, Brendan. Let's talk about sexuality. Please. Can we talk about pansexual? Sure. Let's talk about it. Okay. How'd it come about? You're out. Yeah. I'm out. Feels great. And pansexual. Explain it to people listening. Mansexual is it's all inclusive, whether you're like, you know, you got like you guys

non-binary or like, you know, any number of things. It's just that if there's consent, it's more like hedonism. Honestly, I love it. I'm open to it, you know. And as a teenager, I remember like, you know, oral sex was traded off between me and a couple guys. And it was like, they weren't into it. But I was like down. I was like, this is kind of dope. I don't give a fuck. Yeah. You know, can we get some girls in here too? Yeah. Can we get some whatever the fuck else? You know, let's do it. I was open to it. But I guess to be fair, I have to tell people my sexuality is I'm married. I'm an agamist. I'm in a monogamous relationship. So that clears it up because they're like, what, you're pansexual. So you're married to a woman, but do you just go off and

fuck a bunch of dudes and trannies and shit? I'm just like, whoa, that's I don't know. I mean, yes, but like, I don't know. It's nothing like that crazy. It's just that. That's just tight. It's a job, dude. No, but it's nothing like that crazy. They just want to blow it up into a thing. I'm just like, listen, I just don't care. Yeah, you like fucking. I like fucking. Right. It sounds actually with consent, with consent, obviously. Bust and loads, bust and nuts. It sounds like the best of all possible worlds, actually. Like you get to do everything. Now you don't think Sarah would be okay with a little extra dick on the side. Three ways. I mean, we've talked, we both like will say it while we're watching movies, you know, and it's dangerous now that like the band

I'm getting bigger, the band's getting bigger. And it's like, well, this might be a possibility. I think we have to. Yes, it is. So our celebrity list down. I don't know. It's a frappe. Shut up. We'll say it. We're up. We're up. A hundred times. We're up. And I think that just for me, I just like, I don't, I don't really want that, honestly. I had my time. It was fun, dude. Yeah, parties and, you know, we fooled around. But I never like when I met my wife, I was like, well, shit, I think I'm good. You're good. Yeah, because it's because Tom and I, we watch everything. Like we love these documentaries about Paulie and all that. It's hilarious. Oh, I know. Paulie and Emory. Yeah, Paulie and Emory. But the, but the reality is,

I'm personally, I'm very insecure and we have children and all that shit. And it's like, I don't know how I would really feel if I saw him with another woman or with a guy or whatever. You'll dig it. You just got to like, if you, if you treat them like you're sex slave, you both own that person. That's right. Like a cum dog. We had this theory. Yes, a cum dog. Millionaire. Yes. Absolutely. Fuck my stoma. Yeah. Oh, I forgot about that one. Yeah. Now, Brendan, would you go for Tom? Like, is he your type? You see how attractive this guy is? Oh, he's the best baby daddy. Hello. Look at those baby blues. Dude, I think the first time I saw your face, I was like, that's a handsome man. Yeah. When I saw you in person, I was like,

he's taller than I thought that that's hot. You like tall. I'm like, tall. Yeah. No, I mean, I don't really, you know, but I definitely, you're an attractive man. There's no way around. He is so handsome. Right. Now, do you like the beard? You're a very beautiful woman too though. You can't play that down, by the way. When you try to play it down, I'm like, bro, you got to be, you got to let people know when I saw you walk in. I turned into a telescope, man. I was like, this dude, you're a fucking movie star. We've said it. Striking. Stunning. So Tom, is he or is this a type? Like, do you have a type of man that you find attractive or is it personality? No, it's personality. Most right. Because I read that

it means you're attractive to the person. Yeah, I'm attracted to the person. Absolutely. I totally understand. That's great. I have a hard time. Like, even when I was, you know, being cavalier with sexuality in the early stages of the band before I settled down, I couldn't sleep with somebody if I didn't have that connection, which they thought was lame. They were just like, what are you fucking gay? And I was like, yeah, a little bit. Yeah. And then we're just like, well, I don't know. It's fucking lame. I'm like, yeah, I don't, I don't like you. You seem like a bad person. I don't want to do sex with you. I felt that's kind of why I was never able to bang around is because I don't like a lot of people.

And I wouldn't want them ejaculating inside of me. Like, I don't like you. Oh, yikes. That took it way too. Right. I mean, that's another step, dude. The coming in, if we're talking cream pies, that's a different. Oh, no, no, I meant just in a condom. Oh, like I wouldn't want someone's fluid thing. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I want somebody naked by me if I didn't like them. You know, it's like a vibe. It's like if I went to a nude beach and somebody was annoying to me, I'd be like, I'm dressing and I'm leaving. Exactly. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. It's a vibe. Like if you're out drinking and then you have a friend who's not drinking and he kind of brings the party down, you suck. Yeah. That's how you're quitting. That's not true. Don't you feel like

I feel like it's another thing that actually raises your profile and makes fans go, oh, that's fucking cool is being kind of just direct about what you just said. And that's the thing where it's like people connect to and celebrate honesty and like just someone who's like putting it out there. Yeah. This is how I am. As wild as we think Mr. Champagne is. I mean, I have to say I respect his genuine nature. Yeah. His honesty, his forthrightness. I don't think that, you know, you can go wrong by doing that or maybe you can. Maybe that's a that's a rough thing to say. But, you know, not often does it happen that you can go wrong by being that direct. Yeah, it really is the best policy. I think just, you know, and I like doing that with my fans because it seems that

they, you know, want to talk about, you know, mental illnesses and they want to talk about social anxieties and stuff like that stuff that I've been afflicted by. And it kind of makes me feel less like alienated. Oh, yeah. I can tell you a million things and I feel like you would be fine with it because you share the same question. Yeah. Well, I think that's why comedians and musicians are so great together because we're all about just putting it all out there and being like, I got these fucking problems. And the person listening who has like a nine to five drop, did they have fucking problems too? Everybody has the same shit going on, but we just put it out there, you know? So it's liberating. But we can learn from that. That's what really got me

into comedy was like, they're so honest. They're saying the things I wish I could say, but I would get in so much trouble for. But what not as a rock star? I don't know. I feel like a lot of musicians definitely want to be comedians. I think that there's that saying right? Musicians want to be comedians want to be musicians. Absolutely. We totally, I know because some of you guys are so fucking funny. Some of my friends, Zach is the funniest person I know. And we had this thing going on tour where anytime we found an open mic, we would just go and run that. There's like 18 of us crew included. So we would take us and our core crew and go to like a bar and just do open mics and just rip on each other for like five minutes. That's kind of the best. Are you gonna do stand

up now? No, no, no, no. I'm terrible. But then it's fun to just like shit on your friends because there's no like when you're putting on a big show though, too. Like if you're feeling it, you start riffing between songs. And you can see, I mean, I've been to shows where you see the, you know, lead singer just like being funny. I mean, like totally, they're comfortable, they're confident. And it's like, you have this adoring fan base there. If it's in you, you can just do it. For sure. And sometimes it helps, especially when you have like a technical difficulty, something breaks, it helps to lighten the mood. If you're like shitting on yourself a little bit, you're like, okay, he's not so serious about it. It's not a huge thing. You're

not devoting up. I have a question. Okay. Yes, Christina P. Go ahead. Go ahead. What's the most unglamorous part of your job? Oh my God. What's the thing that people, I'll tell you in common and stand up. The most unglamorous thing is you're doing a theater. It's sold out. You're like, this is amazing. And then they walk you behind in the dumpsters and you're walking through garbage and there's garbage everywhere. And you're like, I'm the comedian tonight. And I'm walking through dumpsters to get to the, to like that. So anyway, so that happens. Yes. That's a similar thing. You guys have a way harder. I think especially like coming up in a rock band, you play similar venues to comedians to see their comics. So it's like, you know, when you're doing like

1000 cap 1500, 2000 cap rooms, you're getting a lot of the similar venues. So yet we do, we would like walk through the alley next to the dumpster, step in some shit and go into a green room that smelled like piss and beer. Well, this is the fucking venue that happens more often than not. I think people do misconstrue the glamorous lifestyle with it being synonymous with all the time. Yeah, it's like, no, man, you pick your battles. Sometimes it's cool. Like you get a flying a G five for a show. But then when you get to the venue, you're like stuck in a closet with four other people losing your mind for six hours before the show happens. Six hours. Why is that? You get there early. Yeah. A sound check and there's line checking. You have to test the

video content. You have I have to do a couple interviews. And this is something I've always wondered. I think I've seen the footage of it now, but I'm always like, when you watch a show, like a live concert, you're like, oh, so you guys before that will run through. Will you run through and play in another room? The songs? Sometimes not, not usually, but usually like the sound check happens. I stopped sound checking just because I was tired. Really? Yeah. So I just let them do it. And I saved my voice. We also added like 30, 40 minutes to the show. So it's like a full two hours now, which is great, but it's it's just like taxing. So now they go and sound check and then my band is so good at just keeping warmed up for the show. Like they take

their instruments with them in the room. They'll sit there and play for a couple hours before the show. Then they'll be warmed up. We'll hang out for 30 minutes, do our shot, listen to 90s alternative jams. What do you listen to to get pumped? Oh, man, anything. I mean, we any 90s, like it just takes us back to being like kids. You know, we're just like, like I said, we'll put on like Tribe Call Quest and just like, but need to have a bow. We'll bounce around to that. Or we'll put on like we'll do like, I'll need a Franco and shit, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know. Just like ones that are quirky and like remind us of good childhood. You know, I'm doing a tour right now and I have. So when the audience is being like, sat, you do get to pick a playlist. I do a 90s

hip hop playlist because that's what I like. Yeah. So I'm hearing it in the green room. Yeah. Like through the monitor in there and it's like, I do panic at the disco. Everybody gets here panic at the disco. I'm a fan. Anyways, so I was going to ask you to oh, I had a good one. Fuck your mom. So fucking my mom. So fucking your mom. So look, um, this has been unbelievable. Um, do you have another question? I'm sorry. Well, I'm trying to think. Hold on. There's rock star I'm really not interesting. What's the oh, wait, what's the most bulls? What's the most wasteful shit you bought since getting? Oh, that's the question. Yes. Stupidest thing you bought stupidest thing you bought. But you're like, Oh, what the fuck is this?

I was really into sneakers for a while. Yeah. And I did like the Nike like I got the three bears. I got the fab four. I got the fucking I was so into it for like six months that I had all these fucking sneakers, half of which were fake in my house. And I was like the fuck am I doing? So I gave them like half of them to my friend and then he sold them and found out they were all fake. So it was just like bullshit. So where are you buying them online? Just online. Oh, because he got really into it. He actually like was addicted to buying sneakers all the time, like the new exclusive thing and whatever the glitter, like whatever the fuck. And so then I got into it for a little bit because he was into it. Is that funny how you can get, um,

like obsessed with something that it takes you a while to realize you're not that into? No, it's peer pressure dude. I don't know. I might get this 1956 Jaguar E type. That's what I want. And then you're like, like a monthly check. What the fuck am I doing? Oh, that's so true though. I know because you're cool and everything you do looks cool. What's the uncoolest thing you do that your fans would be surprised about? I wish I could fucking fart right now. I didn't do that. I love that. I wish you would too. I hope so too for the sake of the show. Episode 500 will just be that's it. I don't want to leave here without making an animus happening. I feel like I've let you guys down. I'm looking

for some of the shit. I don't know. Right there, right on the couch. Sick dude thing. No, I wish I could fart. I don't know. Like if fans, I'm pretty honest with them. I do this thing. Like I stream all the time on do it and stuff. And like, yeah, I'll sit down for like hours and just talk to my friends now in the chat. They donate to the thing that's like all goes to a non-profit. So like no one's making money. It's just going to a charity, which is great. So they feel like they're doing more. Which charity do you guys? What do you do? I started a foundation called Highest Hopes. I wasn't trying to plug it in the thing or anything. Of course, man. Highest Hopes Foundation, just a non-profit. And we push a lot of it to a lot of the funds to LGBTQ plus.

A lot of our fans are LGBTQ plus. What's the plus? Oh, that's future acronyms. Joe Strummer said that his one of his least favorite songs was like one of the clashes most biggest. Oh, I'm sure like the pop hits probably. Yeah, he fucking hate it. I forget. Yeah, it was probably like, should I stay or should I go? And he's like, I fucking hated that song. What is your... Stay by me. Yeah, I think that's it actually. I think it's stand by me. Most punk rock artists and rock artists hate their big hit. Yeah. Because it's the one that broke them, but it doesn't really like stand for their cat, their discography. So what's your least favorite song of our catalog? Yeah. That you're just like, Oh, fuck, I don't want to do this one tonight.

I'm gonna fucking blow my brains out. Or I'm just embarrassed. Like, I can't believe I wrote a lot of stuff from the first album is embarrassing to me listening to it because we recorded it when we were like 17, 18. And I was like, try and sing like that. But it's down. You know, it's sound fucking like whiny. That's Ali's favorite album, by the way, which I love. And it's also part of mine because it's like a yearbook for me. It's like, I remember exactly where I was at all the good times we had like writing it and all the shit, how important we thought we were. But it was more like, if we play those songs, now it's better because we're better musicians. I can sing a little better. I don't know if I have like a least favorite though. I'm not like

that's true because you were doing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. God damn door. Yeah, that's a good song. So okay. So that but so you say that album is kind of yeah, it's not nothing's really cringe worthy though. Like nothing bums me out that bad. That's good in the band thing, which is fucking unheard of. Yeah, I'm sure you have bits where like people yell it out to your like motherfucker. It's a new like fuck off. It's a new hour. Of course. I'm sure that has to happen. Yeah, kill yourself. So, but you don't. So there's no song on your current playlist when you're touring that you're like, you just kind of get through that one. I mean, imagine being the guy that, you know, you have to sing Margaritaville or whatever, fucking, what's his name? Jimmy

Buffett and you're just like my friends. I love Jimmy Buffett. Get it together, man. No, there's really nothing. There's nothing. Did you watch hip hop evolution on Netflix? No, it's one of them. It's phenomenal. It is really, really great. And one of the funniest parts is like, they get to, you know, the thing that like commercially changed things was rapper's delight, you know, oh my god. Yeah. And like all the like New York OGs are like, that song fuck it sucks. Yeah. So funny. They're like, that's some bullshit. They hate that song. It was like the boy band version of hip hop. And then one of the dudes was actually lifting those lyrics from another guy. That's right. I remember, I saw the drunk history on that. I didn't see the hip hop.

Damn, bro. I need to watch that. It's really good. Okay. One last. Yeah. Who's the unlikeliest influence in your music? Meaning people be shocked to know that you were a fan of ba ba ba. Celine Dion. Really? Michael Bolton and Celine Dion. 100%. He can really just as welcome. Bro, he can. Yeah. We're supposed to live without you. Dude, he's, he was in a people, he was in a fucking metal band, my bro. What? Bro, before they picked him out of the metal band, he was in a metal band singing like now he's. Yeah. But now then yeah, then they pulled him. They're like, you're gonna make so much money and get so much poon if you start singing this stuff. And he can, he can get belt, bro. Yes. I bet his

show is a fucking show too. Oh, I bet there's not a dry seat in the house. No, definitely. It's just moist sliding off chairs. Yeah. Women just fucking finding their newfound second virginity. They're like screaming the n-word and they're at her. All right. Great. Thanks, Tom for bringing me in the mood. Anyway, that's all I got. I just want to say, I mean, first of all, for us, it's episode 500. Fuck. You guys are doing good. And the moosoo. Yeah. I have to just, I mean, thank you again, but yeah. No. And then like, what a treat to have Brendan Urie stop by for our big 500 episode. And also, you know, we've been exchanging messages for a few years now. This is really nice of you to come by. So thank you,

man. Yes, thank you. Of course. Thank you guys for being so kind and just awesome. It was awesome. Can't wait for a matching butthole tattoo. Oh my God. What are you going to get? Wow, we're mom. Let's get mom. Mom. So that's it. Thank you so much for coming. Thanks, Gene. Thanks, Gene. We'll do it again sometime. I hope. Please. All right. Okay. We almost never do this, but this is episode 500. Big episode today. During the episode, you know, Brendan Urie, the lead singer of Panic at the Disco mentioned that he had something he had recorded with regard to RPC, Robert Paul Champagne, try it out guy. I initially thought that he meant that he did his own try it out video. Like, you know, the black guys who liked it. Oh, like he was doing his

homage. Oh, that'd be cool. Like, yeah, send that for sure. So I texted him and I was like, do you have the thing you said? And he was like, oh, yeah, hold on. I'll send it when I can. And I was like, all right. Then it turns out he actually recorded a song. And I got to tell you, I mean, it's funny when when it came in, I'm like, what is this? I see it's an MP3. And I start playing it. And, you know, it's just the talent of a talented musician is always like it's awe inspiring, right? Just like, man, that isn't it's so different than like a funny person. You're like, that guy's really fun. But like, no, when you mean like a legitimately talented person's voice is like someone someone with amazing talent lends himself to absolute silliness.

Absolutely. And then look, 99.9% of the time, we just would have been like, you know, we'll just play it next week. But we're like, this is such a big episode for us. And this is such an amazing song that that Brandon Yuri wrote and recorded about Robert Paul Champaign that we were like, we got to get in here and we have to inject this song into episode 500. Robert at the disco. So are you ready for it? I'm I love the song. We've been listening to it. I was doing my car. So you guys get ready to be blown away. Thanks again to all of you. Episode 500. And thank you, Brendan Yuri, for showcasing your talent and lending it to the great cause of spreading the gospel of Robert Paul Champaign. Here it is. RPC. Here we go.

Black routine. Oh, you are. Oh, sex con. Come check it out. And seven, eight, nine, three, seven, two, three. Black guy, almost awesome. Men from jail. Hot black routine, guys. Hot black top. This is for Robert. Crete to king. Crete to king. Crete to king. Hey, this is for Robert Paul Champaign. Definitely not insane. He knows what he wants. Black Latino thugs. Give him all you got. Hey, this is for Robert Paul Champaign. He don't got to hide his face. Just give him what he wants. If you were black Latino thugs, give him all you got. Hey, Robert, they gonna take you on a damn plane.

All you expensive things and not a champagne. Homeless guys that wanna give you damn brain. Hey, Robert, we gotta start up on your campaign. Tell all our boys to eat you like some chalmain. Hundred of bodies down in the lobby ready to party. This is for Robert Paul Champaign. Definitely not insane. He knows what he wants. Black Latino thugs. Give him all you got. Hey, this is for Robert Paul Champaign. He don't got to hide his face. Just give him what he wants.