Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 503-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: June 12, 2019

Hello Mommies, her name is Battarina but don't you dare call her that! Christina starts this ep with showing us what TikTok's algorithm thinks she likes. And these are some of the COOLEST group of people you have ever seen! There's also a new show on TLC called "Too Fat to Transition" that Tom and Christina absolutely LOVE. The Charo Fart has touched so many lives and there is new merch to commemorate it available in the merch store! Tom and Christina give Charo a call to see how she feels about this great moment being commemorated. The impact of Charo's fart has been felt around the word and we want her to see it! Also, Tom and Christina have upped their coffee station game and remind everyone which coffee is supreme, plus one elderly woman goes for an extreme helicopter ride. Next, Josh Potter joins to discuss his pending trip to the Big Apple to see Robert Paul Champagne. Plus we get to see some entries in the "Make Josh Come" contest. You wouldn't believe how genuinely great these submissions are. We're all really excited for him. Finally, we have a Theo update you might not like.

Here we go Yeah This is the Bobby Lupo beat by Zach Thanks, Zach Zach. I Have a some new news some new news November 14, Pensacola, Florida November 15 Lake Charles, Louisiana at the Golden Nugget Lake Charles Grand Event Center December 5th, Erie, Pennsylvania December 6 Columbus, Ohio and December 7th Grand Rapids, Michigan. Those are all on sale at tomcigura.com

Second shows that have been added you can still get tickets to our Kansas City June 30th Toronto August 15th Winnipeg August 16th, Vancouver August 17th Durham, North Carolina September 14th Denver September 28th Minneapolis October 11th, and then Amsterdam and Dublin both have added shows that's October 28th and November 3rd all at Tomcigura.com slash tour Jean Jean's Washington DC the District of Columbia, please get your tickets now June 20th through 22nd I am there help me sell out all my shows so I don't have to fly in early and do morning press

That's the whole that's all I'm asking That's the goal August 2nd and 3rd wise guys comedy club in Salt Lake City, Puta September 5th Milwaukee at Turner Hall ballroom September 6 Chicago Talia Hall September 7th the Wilbur in Boston October 3rd for threat that was that first yeah October 3rd through 5th Nashville, and then Seattle Portland tickets at Christina P on line keep your jeans up All right Are you doing your homie dance? Elbows up side-to-side elbows up. I learned it on tic-tac side-to-side. We're gonna get into that in a moment

All right, I think we're ready to get this thing on the road Jean yeah, bro. I'm real. I'm ready. I'm excited. Let's open the show Since I have to fucking do this Hi guys, I'm batterina But please don't ever fucking call me that when you talk with me Please call me rena if you have to if you couldn't tell I'm a 20 year old Vampire just look at the fucking bad ears on my head and one thing to definitely know about me is do not ever fucking piss me off That's the wrong thing to do

Bye Okay Tom Segura So tired oh My god Yeah, oh You guys wanted it you've got it nobody wants it This is horrible six more minutes

You had a point to the other guys in the band Keep it going guys intro song This is horrible Okay, five more minutes Dude, that's all they want they want the intro nobody wants everybody wants the I don't know who you guys are reading on the comments Nobody likes this all anything I've seen for the last month is why is your intro so short? That's all people are saying stop native. Stop nodding. He monitors the email

That's that's the main email that always comes in is like why is this intro so short? Why is it not longer? Yeah, you know, you don't want to satisfy the audience? Okay, I mean we you know We serve at their pleasure. Oh my god Yeah I'm tapping my feet Yeah, it's so good man It is so good match man. Yep match man. I mean it could easily we could do an hour of just the intro

Absolutely, I think release it as the intro episode. Yeah, I just play that the people want it Let us know in the comment section if that's something you guys want. How do you guys want just a solo intro? Where we just play the intro for an hour Okay, guys super lame super cool. I hate it. I don't hear it that long. I don't hate the intro I just don't want to ask you a question. I feel like bad arenas audio was out of sync. Yeah Yeah, here it was. Yeah, is it not in there? Yeah, it was out of sync here, okay, and don't fucking call me batterina I don't fucking call her batterina, but my name is batterina, but don't fucking call me that but so you didn't see that in there

Now that looks like that's something that we're gonna need a fix for next week. Sorry guys. Okay. All right. Well in the meantime Four more minutes I'm just thinking of Somebody for the first time listening. Oh my god This shows the fuck is this so annoying. These people are the most annoying people I've ever Because the intro's hot, bro Bruh, you don't like it That's what it's all about. Did you know that there is such a thing as red-haired juice like that's a thing. I've yeah

Did not know that and he's but Nadav is acting like he's not an anomaly in the Jewish world. He's not you're not no Definitely, I didn't know that. No, sorry, bro. Yeah, I like that. It's throwing your game off I know I can't stop thinking about it. You're like, who is this guy? Yeah, we've only worked with him for like four years I know and I'm like you might be the first red-haired Jew that I've known I didn't know I didn't know Nadav, how do you feel about that? Sorry, what was that? I said, how do you feel about that? About being confused for yeah, I don't know what she thought you're Irish. I mean, you know, I didn't think you're Irish I just didn't know that that was a thing like there are red-haired Jews. Well, you know people

Usually when you're redhead, you're either, you know, a Jew or Irish. I did not know I thought just Irish Because I only know it's like Pat Keen. Yeah, I understand Tino Fucking gingers fucking gingers wasn't it Keen who was like, it's a fucking insulting. Yeah He's like it's like calling somebody a pussy head Because people's crotches are ginger and he got really mad and he's like it's like calling me a pussy head. Yeah, it's not though No, I don't he had that way off Which is the best that he was like that is the most insulting thing you can say to somebody it's like no, it's not No, it's not. No, you're just a ginger, right?

Is it a pejorative term ginger? You can say it with pejorative flavor Yeah, you can say it like an insult and that's how it'll be taken, right? You can be like, oh the guy's a ginger Yeah, like how you fucking ginger and fucking ginger. Yeah. Yeah, that second one sucks. Fucking ginger Piece of fucking shit. No, yeah, we're like, hey, Nadam, you're ginger, right? Yeah, it's different. That's the tone. That's the inflection Yeah, it's all about context. Sure. Yeah, sure. Okay. It's like saying he's gay. He's gay Fucking yeah, he's a fucking gay. It's putting fucking Yeah, well, like it's fucking morning. It's fucking morning changes everything. It does change everything. You know what never changes You gotta give them what they want

Absolutely nobody nobody I missed you, you know, we haven't been doing this show for a minute I know took a little time. You were on the road for seven days. It was horrible Now you're back and I missed you. I missed you too. That's all your expressions, you know Yep, well good news I've been curating quite the TikTok collection on my insta stories You may follow me there at the Christina P. Yeah, and I've saved the best ones for your mom's house It's a oh my god. Can we talk about bad arena for a second? Yeah, of course She's the catch of the century. She's the fine of the century. Yeah, you posted this

Yeah, I mean when you showed me this I was like, this is a gem. Yeah, one of my favorite I mean things just to start first of all, she has bad ears on Yeah She says my name is bad arena, but don't fucking call me that That's I think it's one of the most unique approaches to Introducing yourself to somebody. My name is Tom. Don't you fucking dare call me that if you have to And then there's like there's a real special lane of people who really buy into whatever you do

Don't piss me off. Yeah, I was just gonna say you see it a lot in I'm trying to think of the way to prison. Yeah, you see it like white trash Yeah, you know, you see it like outside 7-elevens. Don't you fucking piss me off, man Don't you set me off? The worst thing you could ever do is piss me off And it's like if that is your you know Explanation to people. Yeah, you just you're introducing yourself as a as a volatile Unpredictable violent person. Not smart. Well, that's why I like batterina. It's a she's a triple threat. She's not only a bat Duh, she's like I got vampires dummy. You don't see that fucking batterina and then I'm shit

She's like, don't fucking call me that and then yeah, she'll threaten you. Yeah She's like, don't piss me off like whatever you do. Don't fucking piss me off. Yeah So we have two clips from her. Yeah, that's gonna be the second clip But here's here's the other clip that you said to us Christine. Sure. Okay Let's see Then please keep scrolling Okay Okay, so I told you motherfuckers you need to restock the hot cocoa when you're done with it

I can't deal with the bullshit in the school No, this is her at Hogwarts. That's her complaining about some chocolate milk or hot chocolate Well, okay, another common flavor on tiktok is the Harry Potter crowd They they love fuck it. How do you happen? This is just in my feet I don't know why God has blessed me. God is real, but God is really real, but you only have I know I don't I don't I'm only interested in these kinds of people. I don't want to see pretty people Doing normal things. I want to see the outliers. No, they're yeah, they're here. They're People who have their own Olympics and

Yeah But yeah, so there's this whole lane of tiktoker who's into like our if you're not griffin door Don't even watch this video. Okay. There's a lot of that and then um Yeah, oh, there's a lot of cosplay. I've been stumbling upon a lot of that lately How's that going? It's that one's the most painful to watch cuz you're like like I get it I was goth in high school which I could assume is a form of cosplay, right? Yeah, that's true But at least I got laid and did drugs Wait, how is goth costume? Well, like I was dressed up like I thought I was the living dad

So it is kind of stupid. Yeah, I agree with that 00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:45,000 I was wearing like black capes in the middle of summer in the San Fernando Valley and like I didn't go out in the sunlight for You know seven years like it was fucking weird But at least I had like friends boyfriends I did drugs and I got laid like at least I had a life I don't think these nerds have a life. Yeah. Yeah, like it was fun Yeah, yeah, we went to Harry Potter

You're a cunt now. You've always been a cunt Harry Potter Remember? That is from Harry Potter We're talking about Harry Potter You're a cunt Harry Potter Harry Potter You're a cunt now. You've always been a cunt

And the only thing that's going to change is you're going to become an even bigger cunt That's it. That's from Hufflepuff Is that like the wizards ball or whatever? Yeah, it's great So she's upset so but a bad arena here is upset because somebody's not restocking the hot cocoa and the And also that this yeah this video I've you can only watch this if you're Hufflepuff What house are you Tom? I'm a Ravenclaw. I took the quiz online. I'm Slytherin No, you're not. Did you take the quiz?

It's a hard fucking core and all of us are Slytherin I wish it was hard fucking core That's just the way it is Alright, up next, what's the next tiktok curation? So this next one is the original bad arena one that we've played with Since I have to fucking do this Hi guys, I'm bad arena Please don't ever fucking call me that

By my name Talk with me Please call me arena if you have to If you couldn't tell, I'm a 20 year old vampire Look at the fucking bad ears on my head Yep And one thing to definitely know about me is do not ever fucking piss me off That's the wrong thing to do

Bye So that's a full like that's a great profile of a person Here's my name, don't call me that And never piss me off Yeah Cause bad things will happen So weird And like she's got these weird dots too

She's drawn on her I mean there's all kinds of weird There's a lot of things going on But tiktok doesn't stop blessing you there No You've been really curating a really cool collection of people I can't stop myself, I love it Who do you have a line that's nice?

It's like this was meant for me Who's next? Just waiting for my lunch Just waiting for my lunch Just waiting for my lunch I ordered a buffalo burger Yep, game buffalo burger Game bio, so can you want to get here?

Game bye Okay, what the fuck is that? He's waiting for his lunch, duh What's happening with the guy though? Here's the thing You know what I mean? Like I love all these people I like them, I like their videos

I encourage them to make more I like it You like people that rely on public transportation? Yeah, he seems sweet He's just waiting for his lunch Yeah Go ahead There's something going on

There's a lot of things going on On his face and stuff You know to our listeners I mean his videos I'm waiting for my lunch I'm waiting for my lunch But then he looks different I don't know you're talking about But looks normal to me next video

Okay Story time I'm not a racist Just because I say the n-word in a video If it's there, I'm going to say it I'm going to mad it I'm going to say it I also have black cousins

I have black friends And my brother's girlfriend is half black I'm not a racist Okay This girl is awesome Yeah First of all Now you're on board

Now you're on board I promise you this I promise you this This girl could make Josh come Absolutely She is a fucking savage 100% You would just

You would fall apart Now tell me how do you know she's an SLUT? Oh my god She would fuck you six ways to send it And you would just be begging for more Jesus top And then you would be Within moments you'd be like

I got to get out of here And then she would stalk you And she'd put shit in your mailbox She'd mail things to your mother Oh she's mentally some Oh yeah No she's stalker for sure And then you'd be like

I got to get away from you Yeah And then she would tempt you again With that sweet sweet butthole And then Yeah No I know what you're saying You would collapse again

She's the kind who's looking for love Right Look at the eyes It's always in the eyes Yeah and the eye makeup If you're not If you're just listening When you pull this up

You'll look at these eyes And you'll be like Two things I know for sure I can't not come And she'll ruin my life Yeah I agree And I think it's proportionate To how much black eyeliner

A girl wears As to how crazy she is Like the thickness of both The bottom and the top lid Yeah She's mucho cracker By the way An always solid thing

For any white person to do Is Explain How Saying the n words cool for you And that you know a black person Yes And that's why it's cool

But she has black cousins baby Even my friend's dad He knows someone And that guy's black too So how am I racist? Right But if my dad's friends black How can I be racist?

Exactly Well that's the logic That I always like in these videos Yeah Makes total sense So why And my thing is like Look in this day and age

Why fight for the right To say the n words You know what I mean Like is it that important To you creatively Like I gotta say the n words Sometimes God bless it

Yeah I gotta say the n word In my tiktok Otherwise I can't do these Creatively I'm talking about you for me I mean Yeah She's gotta die on that n word sword

That's how it is man Okay next clip Thank you man I love this one Tee let me see that one Oh you'll be good They'll heal up in the next day or show We can't leave until this answer

And go as a way though Okay So Now Wait this is a whole other lane Of tiktok or two Yeah But

They do these like Scenarios where they pretend To be in a war zone Or they pretend to be in battle I don't understand the screen So there's a guy Who's not a child He's an adult man

He's probably 19 or something Yeah He's wearing Camo pants Four jackets And a camo hat He's got A Punisher logo on his hat

Yeah He's got an earpiece Like for your Like a headphones You know like ear buds in And that's like his tactical gear And he's got a toy gun And he's talking about

He's basically talking Like he's in a war zone Right And it's something you see a lot with like Maybe like seven, eight year olds It's different Usually when it's Somebody over three feet tall

He might be touched I don't know But I do like his gun His gun is like bright green and orange Like he doesn't He uses like a real children's gun We have played again Let's hear what's going on here

Yeah, so there's his orange gun Thank you man Okay Let me see that wound Let me see that wound Oh you'll be good They'll heal up in the next day or so We can't leave until this

Instrum go is away though Uh huh So Who's watching this? I don't know me Me, I am I love it And here's the thing

I feel like Like they have to tickle me in a certain way Like when I see them I have to laugh And what I love the most is like Sincerely I love when they're really sincere About their tech docs God bless a nigga

If it's a jokie I can't stand it Yeah He's very nervous No the sincerity of it Is what really takes it to another level Yeah What was next?

The next one's one Stinky man The next one's really good This is really This is Captain Marcel My sister went down Going down to the mountain To take my sister

To tell everybody I'd be back I need to be back up I'll see you later bye Gotta say bye Gotta say my sister bye This is Captain Marcel Bye bye I don't know

I love her I love her This is not good man I love her And she also makes other videos Reminding people to drink a lot of water If it's hot outside It's good advice

And sometimes she shows you Captain Marcel What she eats for lunch I gotta save my sister And then she goes I'll talk to you later Bye Wait one more time

Let's hear it again Hello this is Captain Marcel My sister went down Going down to the mountain They say my sister To tell everybody I'd be back I need to be back up I need to be back up

I'll see you later bye Gotta say my sister bye Bye This is Captain Marcel Bye bye Oh this is her This is her in the daytime And please do not go outside yet

Wait till the sun goes down Then you go outside to the park Ride your bike with your family But please stay in the house for a while It's very hot I'm going home Take a shower And have a glass of water

I'm going to rest Talk to you later Bye Bye It's all useful stuff You can You can spend time Looking at these

I spend so much time with these people I just love it I have not signed up for TikTok You have to What are you guys doing It's better than anything On television right now It's not

No it's not Yes cancel the cable Forget Netflix Get on fucking TikTok Dude your feed Is fucked You are not Fucked or blessed

I think blessed This is This is the best feed on the planet Do you feel Dumber Like You do I love it

I live for this shit I live it This is like It's finally they made an app that I'm into Like I didn't care for Vine Don't go outside Drink water You gotta stay inside when it's hot

What I know But it makes sense right I mean I guess What are we in kindergarten What are you I love it Is there more of this shit

I mean if you guys want What's up ladies and gentlemen Oh my god Here's a piece of advice If you are unemployed Or about to be unemployed Make sure that you buy Multi vitamins

Trust me this one ladies and gentlemen It's gonna help you on the long run Cause the reason why is because If you are unemployed And you don't have any money Coming into your bank account Yeah Trust me

You need multi vitamins You have to It will help you on the long run It will help you on the long run I promise you this one Trust me Okay What do you think is happening

There's a lot I mean it's Babe Everybody you've shown me is Mentally ill Everybody Everybody has something Severely wrong with him

Or her I mean wrong Or just different Bad arena The fucking There's a wounded soldier Yeah I'm going down to the mountain

To get my sister If you're not gonna have a job soon You need multi vitamins It's gonna help you in the long run Nothing makes any sense No I know I love it I don't know

How often are you I've seen you on your phone now Just staring at it Yeah every night I have a problem I can't stop loving it I won't even sign up for Tik Tok You don't have to

I'm doing it for you Hi you guys What's up This is Bethany Signing in to Tik Tok What's going on I'm over here at Starbucks This is what I gotta say

About Duck and Dough It's coffee It sucks McDonald's coffee It sucks Freakin' Burger King coffee It sucks

But Starbucks It's 100-ly Specifically Delicious See Now that one I got for you I feel like you relate to her I do relate to her

And I 100-ly Specifically Agree with her on that Yeah Yeah I agree Specifically No

No No There's still three minutes left I don't want to Okay My sister went down Going down to the mountain That was your favorite

You told me when I That's true Because I also got just The audience knows I just go through Tik Tok And then I send them to the group I send them I just wait for my lunch

I send them to the group I just wait for my lunch I just wait for my lunch I just wait for my lunch I just wait for my lunch I just wait for my lunch I just wait I send them

To Nadav To Josh To Tom Chris, I could put you on that list too And I just like to brighten people's nights And days That one is my favorite

But you liked my sister I'm gonna go get my sister My sister went down Going down to the mountain It's so, so crazy Like As an improv It's like

My sister went down I gotta go down to the mountain She's on backup I'll talk to you later I mean, I got it back I gotta go get her What's going on? Oh, fuck

But that's Can I tell you the one I don't know When there's a platform that comes on That lets Marginalized people shine You know what I'm saying? These outliers

I just love them Yeah They need to be celebrated And I'm celebrating them You're welcome I'm not a racist Just because I say the N-word in a video It's always a good start

To any sentence So we discovered a new show That Tom's really been into You wanna tell the audience about that? Yeah We're always looking You know, you kinda gotta peruse The TLC lineup

On a monthly basis They'll just drop gems on you Out of nowhere We're still waiting for Smothered To come out Oh my god Smothered might be It might be out

We gotta check tonight We gotta catch up So Smothered are the people That are so obsessed with their moms That they still live with them And they're like 20s and 30s Share the bed And go out together

Every take bath together Is really fucked up But TLC is good at that TLC curates fucking weirdos The way Christina does TikToks And they do great shows about it So anyway We saw

Lost in transition Right Which is a transition series Which is fantastic But then We also Just got to see Too fat to transition

Which was phenomenal They had a bio-woman Transitioning to be a man And a bio-man Transitioning to be a woman And they were both fat And they went to the doctor And the doctor was like

I will perform the surgery If you're not so fat And then they had to go on this They had to really commit To And actually I mean I don't want to spoil it for you But one did well

And one did not so well Oh really? I know which one I can tell you which one went well Because I feel like You can really tell what somebody's made of If you're like Well especially if you're like

This is the only thing I want Because both people were like This is what I need to feel complete Which you can empathize with Of course And then you see who basically Is being honest About how I can't

Not get this done Right And then one of them Had a lot of excuses A lot of excuses Yeah real Which separates The boys from the men

The boys from the trans men The trans men But my favorite part of that show Is just the clever title Too fat to transition Too fat to transition Well Josh said We should call it

Trans fat That's hilarious Such a good joke That is great Too fat to transition Gosh Who is thinking about this Potter

Potter with Homer Yeah She just sent an email into them You guys missed the boat on trans fat The one thing I do wish though That like men When they're transitioning To become women

Like there has to be somebody out there That can help these men Pass better as a female Because the guy with his blonde wig It was so terrible Like everybody knew he was You know Trying to pass

They look terrible Yeah Like just go buy a good quality wig That's all you gotta do bro Yeah that's true It looked terrible And then he would work out and sweat With that stupid wig on his head

Remember that Sweating is But then he took the wig off Yeah it looks You almost look better Like when you're working Yeah You look way better

Way better Yeah Yeah definitely You can work out that full wig On crazy train But anyways If you want to go on the TLC app You can

You can watch too fat to be burnt And I mean you can watch too Too burnt to transition Whatever It's a fun show Too burnt to transition Anyway

Oh Before I Forget People Have loved these posters That I've had on the road And we threw up the

Overstock Of Like Paul Grenise Is this amazing Designer And he He did the The

It looks like that Portland one there He did the Boston the Hat Comic He did the Another one And then What's her name

Hadley did the Barista Strangler Seattle poster Paul did that one With the private jet poster That's my It might be my favorite one

Yeah that was amazing It's Tommy sitting on his Private jet And it's like a toy jet for a kid Yeah it's really He's amazing They're so good So we put the

Overstock in the store We put the new 2395 Hat in the store That's another Paul one there 2395 And then The one that I'm

Most excited about Do you have The photos that I sent you Of the thing that's Going to be in the store Can you put that in there Oh yeah Give me a second to set it up

Yeah okay So in the meantime I'll just tell you Anyways these are all in the Store now It's merchmethod.com Slash Tom Segura But we had to

Also Throw something new in To commemorate Celebrate What Charo did On episode 500 You're referring to

Yes So check this out Right here As a reminder This is the remix Of the Legendary Charo fart

And then It's so amazing And then She turns You see it See the smile Look at that smile She's so proud right there

And then You're not my son anymore You're not my son anymore You're not my son anymore So Oh my god Charo is not happy But

I have You're not my son anymore Merch So We have a mug That says you're not my son anymore And her face is on it And then it says

Big Farts Brewing On the other side And then we have a couple Of shirts In men's And women's Cuts So if you go to the store

The What's it called? The mug is on sale The shirts are on presale But you can see There's the There it is What a great design

You're not my son anymore And it's got Charo With the look of shock On her face Which is just Fantastic And Big Farts Brewing You know what

I'd never noticed on that video I've watched it So many times now But hearing the audio She grunts Before she farts Yeah Yeah

And I've never That detail has I just picked up on that detail And it's just special It keeps giving Yeah It's pretty amazing man It's pretty amazing

I gotta tell you Nothing Has Impacted people The way that my mom's fart Did I mean I got so many Messages

I got texts from people That I never speak to Like Who do you mean High school friends Yes everybody I mean I had relatives Be like

Holy shit People in Peru hit me up People here Like it was just And that's my favorite thing That you couldn't really See that well Is that she

She's satisfied With what she did Right She's anticipating Being pleased with herself Like what do you think Of that Yeah

How do you like me now How do you like me now So anyways It was just a thrill A quick update by the way That we didn't We were going to have The Tiger Belly crew here

Yeah Bobby Lee And Kaleila Am I saying it right Kaleila Kaleila Sorry But then Bobby

Is not Is sick So he's not going to be able to make it He sent me this message So that's Hopefully he feels better soon So You know

That's actually a voicemail On my phone From Bobby Oh Like I thought he's forwarding Like his mom or something I don't know Like how I used to get

The Persian voicemails It is It's exactly like that But with the differences This came to my phone I sent it to Bobby And then I saw him at the store And I was like

What's she saying He goes She's speaking Chinese And I go Yeah What is she saying And he goes I'm Korean

I'm like What is she saying So But I have been getting English-speaking ones too Hi, Jim This is Joni speaking I just got a call from Ronnie

He's He's fainted at the credit union In an ambulance on the way to the hospital So I have to cancel Cody's voicemail I hope that we get What That came in What

This is hilarious Hi, Jim This is Joni across the street I was just wondering If Cody was planning on coming For his list And today It's now

Almost about 3pm And I don't see him So I hope everybody's all well Wait, you're These are real You're getting these These are on my phone now

And when did this start Last week So somebody Yeah Obviously has Cody has lessons Cody, yeah James

Jim I'm Jim Cody has lessons Someone fainted On the way to the fucking emergency room I know Geez Hi, Jim

This is Joni speaking I just got a call from Ronnie He fainted at the credit union And he's in an ambulance On the way to the hospital So I have to cancel Cody's voicemail Make sense I hope that you get this message

Yeah Because I'm thinking too That Ronnie's okay Because that one was first And on the second one She's just like, oh, hey, you know And Cody's back in the lessons

And we've resumed life It's not like I went to the hospital Ronnie died No, I think Ronnie's gonna be fine How fun Don't you love getting to peek into someone else's Of course

Affairs It's the best Of course Like when I used to get those Persian voicemails They would just make my week Of course I know Okay, that sounds like a recorded message

Yeah, it does So it's like they're soliciting, right? Maybe They get them in Spanish in time I still get stuff for Adis Adis went to rehab Oh, yeah And then I got them pills, dog

What was it? Sticks I got the sticks Xanny's on deck Sticks on deck I used to get texts from drug dealers Looking for Adis Adis, what's the deal, bro?

Yeah And the best part is too Is that I It was connected to Adis' Facebook page And so I would be logged into Adis' Facebook page When I linked up my phone number to Facebook Yeah I want to see this guy's stuff

Yeah So I got to see what he looks like in everything It was cool Yeah He's cute Hey, this is cute Young guy So in light of our lives

We've got a few things to report I had an interesting fart Yeah I remember that You know I can't tell them about it Week and a half ago Yeah You know, it was

It was interesting It sounded like an animal What kind of animal? Like a cougar Yeah Yeah, it went Those are the best farts When they make animal sounds

And they go in layers And they change They change octaves Well, you were proud of it, I thought I thought it was something special Because I'd never heard anything like it That's true I mean, usually

You know, sometimes I have duck sounds and stuff You're disgusting You know what you did for me the other day? Yeah The other day you You woke me up with a fart Yeah And then

That is my absolute favorite thing to do As I love that She always goes to bed before me So I love If you fell asleep and I just go like And you go I just fall asleep And I like that

And I also like Like 6.15 You know, I feel it And I rip it And you're like What a nice alarm to wake up to Those are my two favorite farts And you did it the other day

Both times 12 hours apart Yeah 9 hours apart It was a good night fart And then a good morning fart Those are the best, man Yeah, and they smelled horrible both times

Yeah, but that's how it is when you party Yeah, so Also, in light of my recent Renaissance of taking care of myself Yeah I've come Because the way our house is designed Is that Tom and I sleep on

In the bedroom that's upstairs Yes So we're the only thing that's upstairs This is brilliant of you Thank you Finally A little credit You've been calling me R-worded

This is absolutely brilliant I get nothing but chastise about how dumb I am All the time What did they say that? Stupid bitch What? That I'm R-worded But

What is that all about? No, you always say like How broad this and that The drops The constant Oh, the drops But I'm not like You make it sound like

I'm like, you fucking idiot Yeah Okay So anyways You know, I realize that By the time I come downstairs in the morning I'm already thrown into You know, Bitsy had diarrhea

I got a clean-up diarrhea The other day she had diarrhea so hard We make her sleep in the pantry So I open the pantry door And then the diarrhea slid under The door The door And now it's like

The diarrhea under The underside of the door So now I'm like, you know I have to figure out finally I'm trying to wipe the door To get the diarrhea off I figure I have to floss it I take like paper towel

Wet it And then like floss under the door You know Yeah But yeah By the time we're downstairs The kids are screaming The dog's diarrheaing

And I haven't even had my coffee yet So I had the genius idea Of putting a coffee station In Our Bathroom This is the brilliant idea

Boom So just so you guys know Like in our house A normal morning Would be waking up You know 6.15 to 6.45 Yeah

And then it's a matter of You know You get yourself together You brush your teeth You get You get dressed You go downstairs Maybe there's one of the kids

Has just gotten up So And all this you're still like You know You've been up 30 minutes now You still want your coffee Right And then maybe you have a coffee

15 minutes after that And you're like Oh Jesus Christ Anyway Christina We actually were This is what the idea came from We were looking at houses

Yes And we were looking at houses A while ago And We're not looking for a house anymore But anyways We were looking at houses Because it's just

Interesting You're like We're like house shopping Yeah See what's out there So we We're touring this one house And then

They go This is the master bathroom And they had it Built in Into the master bathroom A coffee station So like Oh yeah

This is just like You open the The cabinet And you see the thing comes Like when you say in a hotel Like sometimes has like a Choric thing You know

Like yeah The coffee station in the hotel And you just think of it as Automatically being there It's like not It's not odd But in a home For the bathroom

To have it We were like What the fuck Like yeah So this way Like you wake up And you have your coffee Right there

Anyway You took the initiative Thank you To order Basically what you see In hotels Or in this home And put it

In the Fucking bathroom Yeah bro So now you get up And like 6.15 You have a coffee I'm telling you

I now shit Ten minutes After I wake up Yeah Like I sip the coffee And I'm like There are lives Yeah

And you wake up You wake up fast Yeah Well Now if you're going to do The coffee station in the bathroom You have to do it in the bathroom Yeah

Because you need a sink You gotta rinse out the mug You gotta rinse The spoon It's very important Now I got this On Amazon The Nespresso

Using our banner Go ahead to Yourmomshaspodcast.com Click on the banner At the bottom of the homepage To your shopping As you normally would And I got a tiny fridge

See that blue tiny fridge Yeah And you put the milk in there And then I've got And that's your mother That's actually the mug That Well that's the first thing

I sent my mom Which is a mug Of her passed out I didn't realize that was on the shop Yeah That's my mom passed out On the couch I made mugs out of it

She was over for Christmas Like two years ago Yeah And she was napping on her couch And you took this horrible picture Of her sleeping And then I sent it to her And she was like

This is a picture of me dead And I was like Yeah it's the funny part And so We made I have this stupid website Where I take pictures Of all our children

And I put them all on mugs And so we made Like five mugs And we sent them To everybody in the family Yeah Pretty good Of your

Looks like your dead mom So So great So I got my mugs down there My Brussels graffin mugs Yes I got my stash of coffee Down there

I got the pods The tiny fridge The sweetener The spoon It's fantastic And the machine It's really changed my life And I just used that

From one of the kids rooms That they weren't using that shelf Is it like a diaper changing? It's a brilliant thing you did I'm so stoked man I'm really, really proud of you Like little things like this Have really been improving my life

I agree I'm just so thrilled Well you did it man It makes my life so happy Yeah Alright take that down Please This is something I'm dying to show you

Yes Oh So I don't know where it came from But this is footage of a real Helicopter There she is Well you didn't even tell me

Did you agree with her points of view On Starbucks being the best? Of course Over Duncan And McDonald's It's garbage Duncan is East Coast garbage Garbage

And they're all fucking Drinking that stupid coffee Kool-Aid They love it They think it's such dog shit It's garbage coffee It's the worst Yeah And if you like Duncan coffee

You're a garbage person It's such shit The drip coffee just tastes like Horrible office coffee And I've had their lattes And they're too milky There's not enough espresso in them Dude you have to really, really spell it out

For a Duncan employee Yeah When you want I mean Basically every Duncan employee Would be in your TikTok fucking algorithm They are as dumb as they get Of course

They're fucking Duncan is just a bottom feeder That's terrible But I do like their donuts I like their That's what they should lean on The donuts Yeah

Now they're like They're so dumb Yeah That they rebranded And they changed their name to Duncan Oh interesting That's the signs now Just just Duncan

Duncan what? Dum dum Duncan Duncan what though? Duncan coffee Duncan don't Duncan Duncan TikTok is what it is

Yeah That's what it is Dunk duck I mean if you want to feel like Dummies You want to know Why an education is important Go to fucking

Duncan donuts Walk in there And you see somebody behind the counter And you see why you need to go to middle school Yeah And learn to read And graduate school And fucking get your life together

You just walk into Duncan It's It really is It's garbage Yeah Now I've even been in the airport Zero respect Zero respect

I've been in the airport On the east coast Like at that 6am flight Just desperate for coffee I still won't go to Duncan You should right now I'm picturing I'm picturing all these east coast people

All the fired up Oh yeah They're in their car Drinking their fucking dog piss Duncan You know they're in Philly Boston They had a whole New England area

New Hampshire No they love it They fucking swear by They're like it's the best Duncan's the best man Garbage Well so is McDonald's coffee No offense to your father

I know who's a huge fan No he's He's fucking wrong It's disgusting It's the worst I say the same thing to my dad I say it The exact same thing I'm saying to you about Duncan

I say it straight up to my own Father's face That it's garbage I'm like this is dog shit He's just like Nah he's like I like it more than And people are like

Well Starbucks I agree That is not the best coffee in the world I'm not saying it is What? What do you think is Oh I mean if you want like Real Primo coffee

I'll tell you The best one that I'd ever had Was that Seven Seeds brand That's some shit Now that's some shit That is fucking Buttery and good And

I agree with you You know Laird Hamilton The guy who's The adventure fucking You know Surfer He has that I was at Joe's studio And he sent his coffee brand

Over to Joe You make it It has turmeric in it And whatever it's called That was one of the best cups Of coffee I've ever had Now that is blows away All these other coffees

But also you know These other coffees We're talking about are produced On a massive level It's like If you go to a banquet And you have scrambled eggs You know

Fucking make it for A thousand people It's not going to taste like If a Michelin star chef Make you an omelet Or something right So it's kind of like To compare it

But Yeah Now how do you feel I'll tell you which Okay I'll give you I'll give you A dog shit

I just want you to know Okay now here's Which one's worse sir Okay I'm going to go Dunkin Donut Coffee Or That horseshit

Caribou coffee You've seen that Pete's Pete's is dog shit too Fucking Pete's As if you're on welfare Get kicked out of a place They send you a fucking

Pete's coffee That's a shit mix Pete's is garbage And it's like Strong garbage So they There's taste strong And it's not good

Caribou's terrible too Caribou's terrible Dunkin's if you get You know Like you're getting off heroin And You're living in a halfway house They give you dunkin

But I do like the Dunkin Everything Donut The one that's rolled in We're talking donuts It's a whole other conversation Talking about coffee The donut that's rolled in The death crumbs

Of all the other ones That's a fantastic idea Yeah But that coffee bean is okay I'd say that's second Blake Starbucks coffee bean Yeah What?

It's funny though McDonald's Caribou And then Dunkin At the bottom Dunkin Diarrhea I mean It's definitely down there It's funny though

People They swear By their coffees Like people do with their Sports teams Oh I know It's like regional And they just have

Like such And you get these Canucks And they're Tim Hortons And they swear That that's good That's fucking bullshit too Yeah, bullshit

That's not good It's fucking bullshit I've stepped in there Plenty of times And I have had Your piss water And it is nothing To fucking write home about

So What about What about Now their donuts are fine But Tim Hortons coffee It's fucking like Drinking blood It's nothing

What about Prémanger? Is that what that's called? Prémanger You know what you say? That's on the East Coast That's in Europe too I don't know Oh oh

It's like a It's like a fake French bistro Yeah Yeah that's fine I don't think it's great It's not great No

Now I do like Ili That brand ILLY In Europe I like that brand That's my favorite But like the best coffee Is always gonna be Like

Something that It's not in a chain You know It's gonna be some gourmet show Yeah You know what I used to love Was Joe Yeah

They used to have Remember that brand That Italian brand I would buy We were poor And it was like 3.99 No Don Francisco

The Don That's the rocket fuel Woo Yeah Make you want to fight somebody Yeah man We used to get That's just good

Ripped on Don Francisco Bro You go down to Ralph So you can buy A whole tin of that For three bucks Yeah And you will get

Faded homie Yeah Man that shit used to Buy my ears I loved it That's good I would get whacked Get you ready

To fight somebody Alright sorry But chopper Your chopper thing Oh yeah Okay so This is real footage This is a rescue operation

So You know I don't know What led For this individual Being rescued But you can see That the helicopter

Has them on that You know the rope And then Oh my god The person is laying On a stretcher You know Secured

Okay So just go ahead Watch Now also something to keep in mind Is how old this person is Yeah the person That is being attracted Is a 74 year old woman

Oh dear So it's just to keep it in mind Is she regular Or plus sized No no she's just regular old 74 Regular sized Yeah

Okay So Oh I got the spin I gotta let it back down Trying to get that under control That's not good That's not good

That's not good That's not good I'm not going to get past that By now Oh shit Oh shit If you're just listening She's doin about

Three G's right now They're going to try to Why does that happen It's spinning out of control I hate to see that That's hilarious That's not good Well

Your brain does not Operate the same way after that Yeah, I got the spin that picks up She's doin like Four or five a second And then it goes into Super spin mode She's passed out by now

For sure she's passed out She has no idea what happened You realize that right They got her on the ground She's like What? I can't This poor woman

She spun over And I said Chief rescue pilot said It's very rare Very rare For a hoist helicopter rescue To spin like this Sure

I mean I've seen footage of that Before I've never seen it happen like that To know that it's an older woman too Like it's basically You guys have seen my mom My mom is trapped for that right now Ah

Just terrified It'd be so funny To have a camera on her She's like Put me back down Yeah it is like that Space training You know what NASA

When they put you in like You know Or like fighter pilots You know they're like They have to like fight The passing out Because the g-force is so strong Can I see it spin again?

It spins God that was so funny So so fucking fast Shit Oh fuck Man that's brutal Aw dude it's so fast It's as fast as a propeller

Dude usually you have to pay for parking To have something like this happening Right This is like Holy shit So fast Do you have the footage Like

And that extract Like can you just play it in From the news people talking about it Like can you actually pull that up Uh yeah let me pull that up Give me a second I mean at that point She's wished and she didn't get rescued

You know You're like just leave me in the desert Yeah Let me die in the desert Yeah of course Don't make me spin around I'd rather get stabbed Than have this happen to me

I know I'd rather get eaten by coyotes Than Get this nonsense Oh that poor woman Can you even imagine I would barf everywhere It's just unreal man

Nah it's so funny though I just An elderly woman The fact that she is elderly Is probably the best part They're talking about the local news one I sent you Yeah

That was just like Oh fuck man How does that even happen Yeah they said it's something about Like I mean I think the The way that the hoist Was Tied down

I guess usually they have something That keeps it you know Balanced I don't know Right let's see how it starts This was the Original footage that I saw This is some of the most dramatic

Video of the day Phoenix Firecruise Called out to Payasua Peak To help a woman who got hurt Well out on a hike You can see there that she's being air lifted But Sky Fox is showing that She is spinning around and around

She's quite the bumpy ride She's placed in that basket Hoisted up in the rescue helicopter But she ended up spinning there Unfortunately for quite some time Out of control Spinning around for several minutes We're told the woman is 74 years old

And got hurt while out on the trail It's not exactly clear how Or how serious those injuries That she sustained on the trail were But we're trying to figure out If she sustained additional injuries While on this rescue Spinning out of control

What a horrible situation It looks like a blender I know she's going so fast I bet like And I bet there's people that would be like I would love to experience that They could probably make money Like you wanna

You wanna feel what that old lady felt Before she died Get in here Jesus Christ man Well the best part is like How do you And I know Part of the job of being a local news person

Is to never laugh at shit like this To remain sympathetic when it Clearly is funny I could not have done that I could never have done that And look at the caption Or the title it says This isn't right

But I was laughing Well that's who posted Right I know but like It is so funny And I usually don't laugh At a horrible shit like this No I know You're finally coming around

Yeah this one's good Just because I keep thinking how old she is So 74 That's really messed up It's literally Charo on there And it's gotta be hot out there too In the desert She's already passed out from the

Is that Bobby Lee? Yeah I miss him I wish he was here You know I do I know I was kind of I was really looking forward to seeing those two I really liked them a lot

I saw Bobby He and I did a show at the laugh factory A couple weeks ago And I was just I love watching him He's so funny He's so funny And there's nobody like him

He's just the sweetest Oh before I forget People have flipped out At the closing song From episode 500 That Brendan Urie did That song is on The Your Mom's House clips channel

So we have our regular Your Mom's House podcast feed Where you can watch this show You can watch Dr. Drew After Dark You can watch The Honey Do Those get uploaded to that channel But we also have a clips channel That just plays highlights

That song is on there right now I know I've gotten a lot of messages About being able to play that song And I talked to Brendan Urie And he says he's gonna set something up Where people I think might be able to play it On SoundCloud or something I'm leaving it to him

Obviously I mean I'll stay on him about But I'm saying since it's definitely his song I don't wanna You know what I mean Let him do whatever he needs to do it What a song Yeah it's unreal Are you kidding me with that?

You know I feel like I've had this I got sick a few weeks ago I swear to you Are you kidding me? Well That part's the grossest when you do that Yeah That makes me wanna vomit

In my own mouth Well the babies are sick They've been sick for a month Everybody's sick Everybody's fucking sick You're so gross And what you do is You go

Do it Oh Oh god Oh Sometimes I do that to scratch my ears You ever have like an ear Your brain itch And you're like

Oh It's the only way to scratch it And chicks dig it A lot of times I'll do it in public And these girls will be like Oh that's fucking It'll come up to me It happens all the time

No but the brain itch is one thing But then you go Like you hork it up It's hot Hock But yeah What you do is a hork and a hock No

It's called hokalugi No I'm a cool mom And I come up with my own words And we're changing the lexicon No and native blue band Did a disgusting sound When we were meeting What was your sound?

Well yeah because Catch me outside How about there Horking I also got sick about a week ago And I've also It's been taking me a while to recover Just there's mucus

And so you know Sometimes I've got to clear my throat And throw a little Yeah Oh god Is it bad? I mean It's the most disgusting sound

I think it's funny to me that Like I don't even register A guy Yeah it's like breathing It's like this sounds the best Now I'll tell you this Here's one that's fucked up You're

Sitting next to a stranger Who continually does it That's what you know what I mean It could be in a movie theater Holding shit Yes Sitting next to a guy doing that For two hours

Yeah that's fucking crazy But like Just walking around No but I'm like No but blue bands doing it Like aggressively That

That's how you get it Yeah but that is Like when I was I remember when I was That's how you get blowjobs What? That's how guys get blowjobs Apparently

It's like a mating call But there was a girl A girl in my seventh grade class Mandisha And that's And she would suck her snot in So aggressively And it was like a tick

It became a tick for her Because I think she'd been doing it All year long Like it wasn't just Repetitive prolonged I'm with you Oh okay It would make me sick

And I'd be like Mandisha are you okay Like do you need A tissue or something She's like no I'm fine I'm fine But it was Mandisha

Yeah Yeah Mandisha I forget her last name We were in seventh grade Yeah she was No she sat next to me In the English class Okay

And like super sweet girl Not Mandy No Mandisha Mandisha Yeah But she would do that Yeah See it happens

So many sounds But the horking I make those sounds Chicks get wet It's just how it goes Speaking of chicks Wait I don't make sounds Do I make any disgusting

You're not No you're definitely I'm soundless Josh and I were talking about this How he and I don't make sounds Like we're not Irritating sound people The perfect transition

Because I want to get him in here And hear about Too fat to transition I want Josh to lose some weight Transition Come in here Sit down I want to talk about

His balls I would love to So let's run through this And then let's transition to that Okay We're going to switch up here And I'm going to tell you also That I appreciate all the feedback

We got about requested guests We went ahead and put out Invitations To Nicole Bayer, Anthony Jesselneck Dom Herrera Love Dom so funny Anyways we reached out to everybody That was requested

And Well because the show is invitation only Invitational only And I love that people Were so emphatic about Who they wanted to hear And we reached out to absolutely Every single one of them

So let's switch up And let's get our Very own cockroach On the couch Your mom's house will be right back And it is that time again Everybody's favorite Is back in the room

Hi Josh Hi everybody Hey Josh putters in the house Josh is here He's okay That girl Probably not

I don't know Do you get turned on by that? No It's just the most familiar sound I hear When it comes to the ladies Do you have a fucked up thing like that Where they cry? No I'm saying like some people's

Like that's somebody's turn on Oh yeah yeah that's a lot of people's turn on Wait a minute I've never actually heard this Is this a category of porn I'm unaware of? It's definitely a category of porn But in terms of like Crying? RL probably a little more rare than porn

Yeah tons of crying porn Guys love it when their girls are like They're like Choke on my dick and they're like And then they have the mascara coming down And they're like But I'm saying it's one thing to have Mascara coming down

It's another thing to be like To see suffering and be like I'm worked up right now It's that like turned up to 11 You know what I mean It's the same feeling that Whoever enjoys the gagging And the crying on the dick

It's like you turn that up to 15 And then you got like Well I can just watch a girl sob And I'll get hard you know I mean that's That's really problematic Yeah you're going down a dark road Yeah

You gotta start tying people up Yeah yeah yeah Oh for sure Oh yeah Oh man So I'm super I've been so curious There's a few updates

The listeners want Of course And I think the first thing on everybody's mind Is when are you going to see Robert Paul's Champagne And what's the status Well I'd like to keep the day and time Yes

Obviously anonymous But we can say that it's relatively Yeah it's very soon On the day of this taping From the day of this taping It's going to be before you know it So Great

So there's a ticket Oh yeah we've got concrete plans You have What a videographer Hopefully he's He's skilled in like MMA or something also Because he has a side Sort of like

He has a great kickboxing game Okay good good good But you have airfare You have Or you have your ticket You have a hotel booked Yeah So I have a bag that I'm going to give you

We need to go over some of the things But you're giving him gifts And cold hard cash Yeah I can travel with cash Of course Okay so I've never Yeah I don't think I'm to a certain amount

We're not giving you You're not going to think I'm like Drug dealer No That's my fear Well also I was going to say this Is that I'm going to

Be going to New York Later in the year And I'm going to I'm going to meet up with Robert as well What? Oh my god What? Chips in a bowl

Yeah have you been like DMing with him? No I just want I'm just going to follow Josh's path And All I'm going to do is Like have you reach out

Right But the main thing is I'll just bring him more money See I was really concerned About how much money To send Yeah A like for your own security

And safety B for My Own assumptions About Robert's financial literacy And I didn't want to do

Checks and stuff I thought cash was what No Bitcoin You don't want to hook him up With some Bitcoin So Can you imagine What's going to happen like

I imagine you're going to show up Because you're going to Fly to the East Coast So it's going to be the evening When you arrive Or lay down It's actually going to be the morning But you're doing like

You're doing a narrow way down You're going to have to sleep a little Yeah A little nap And then you go to his house And knock knock knock Apartment 2C 2395 Apartment apartments

Yeah Before you go over Masterbay but don't come To You're a little He can't come Fill up the Get it up to the tippy top

Yeah So it's ready to spill over See I want him to see A little bulge in the pants Like what's going on Yeah Just like Throb up

Yeah Just to see what's up So I can get into the door You mean Yeah Well he'll look through that peep hole And he'll look down And he'll pull down in the bottom

A little bulge going there Yeah he's got a Got a down here peep hole A little Yeah All right Do you think he'll have his He's not black

His jar glasses out You know his piss His piss glasses Well that's the dream I'm going to go in there I'm going to take part In all of his hospitality You know

Yeah So he's going to offer me a drink He's offered That many times on his live You know come over Have a drink You know that kind of thing I make him sound like Leno

We got to go over We got to go over Some of the necessary questions Yeah For sure we're going to have a A sheet All that I'm going to get

The whole I'm going there just for this So we are not walking away Without any Yeah Sort of content here I would really love it too If you could

Can't wait Manage Either At least drinks Or dinner outside Just to see what the natural Whoa I don't know

If the world is like Yeah Habitats I got to disagree here Because from what I gather This is You're like the guy who made Jurassic Park

You're like Let's bring the dinosaurs to San Diego now Insanity Yeah Because from what I've witnessed I watch his stories Or his Instagram lives

That he's really comfortable In that apartment No It should all take place Of course I'm saying If you're there And it's like

You're leaving And you go Hey We're going for lunch Tomorrow He's like I got a designer meeting Or

Do you want to just grab To see what You pick up on In the world Sure Maybe he's got to go On a shopping trip I would love to see that

Trip to Rite Aid or something Believe me I am excited So I think the world is Exciting I'm excited I can't wait I'm like

And you're going to go out After me as you mentioned So like It's like I'm the guy who goes out Before the battle Like I ride over there I come back

I go You got to see the shit They got over there Yeah You're coming back to Spain There's Indians And there's gold They got savages

Yeah And Weapons Gosh I'd want to meet him But I'm afraid Like I would have to take one He wouldn't give you the time of day

Yeah He wouldn't even look at you He's been commenting On my photos lately He comments on mine Yeah He's like Nice pic

I like when he's like Sexy He writes nothing else I don't get sexy I do Yeah Oh My favorite picture

That he put up was just I think is his penis But his face is on both his penis And his face Oh I think I saw that one Yeah I like the one that he had That's getting artistic

Where the guy's just like Resting like this And he barely covered up his cock Oh yeah Yeah And then he just posts that Like this is what I'm feeling I cocked that

Big mood Yeah What if everyone just posted Instagram pictures of what They came to that day Like that was their That could be like your That could be an Instagram movement

Like your Me Too movement Yeah I came today Me Too Well And then what you came to Yeah First of all I think people are Doing that

Just to be clear Are they? Just to be clear I'm missing this Yeah That's definitely happening I came too But I like it being

Yeah I like it being more Kind of streamlined And clear You want to be able to Think of it for yourself Speaking of I came to Hashtag I came to

Someone If you would like to animate Our pool story That we told Our pool fantasy Yeah With our Ellis' swim teacher From last season

Pretty nice We would love to have An animated version Of that sketch That we pitched I'm sure we're going to Get some really nice Yeah

Oh boy Yeah just have pool animation And in the subject of There you go There you go Speaking of Bust and Nuts The whole world waits Yeah

Spaded breath About Whether you have Nutted With I still have not I'm trying out there Folks

We told the listening And watching Viewing audience That if If they wanted to Submit On their own A video of why

They should be The one To make you come Because for those That don't know at this Moment You can finish But not with

Not with a person No No So we have some submissions I have not seen these You've not seen these Neither have I I've not seen these either

Oh wow This is Exclusive So we have We have six submissions Wow The first three Are a little fun

A little jokey But the bottom three Are Serious And you have Collectively you have How many did you get A bunch of them

Yeah I mean These are six Usable one Okay So hold on Just a week Is there any tiktoks In these

Just a recap So if you've missed On the prior episodes So we're trying to Make Josh come At first we thought Putting him on tour And the girls

Come meet him on the road And then we thought Why not have a contest Where women submit videos One minute Or men One minute Or shorter as to why

They should be the person To make Josh come The winner of this contest Tom Cigarette will fly out To meet Josh Yep I'll fly you out And I'll put you up

And whatever happens Is on your own And you You know You don't have to do Anything But I'll give you the opportunity To be in close proximity

To Josh That's right I will be very passive By the way I'll be very like I'll probably look at my shoes A lot And just be like

Hi how are you Did you have a nice flight And then you have to Basically take over If you want To get this dick So Good to know

Without Any more Waiting here Well this stuff We're already in a bed Yeah I'm not sure about this This is Robert Paul Champion

Come Let's see I like his tie Who is this first submission from This is Tony Okay Let's see what Tony says What's up mommies

Make Josh come tour 2019 Josh's problem is He needs a bro The bitches can't make Josh come Josh needs a bro Who knows what he's doing Fly me out there

I'm gonna watch that show And I'm gonna crank Josh's lever Make Josh come 2019 Take it easy Keep an OS baby Take it easy Big time

This is big time time Love when you do big time Time time Remember this is the gift of tomorrow Remember if you ever fall down You gotta get back up Old school way baby Keep an OS

Keep an OS So what do you think of that It is real hate always Well you know I mean The thing is He's a man That's about it That's the only

I mean otherwise It's a very Intriguing offer He's got a tie on No way You'll come though No yeah it's just If I could come from a man

I would have done it by You know what I'm saying I would love to be gay I'd be so gay I'd have AIDS That's how gay I'd be Yeah Alright That's a great

That's That's a great thought Yeah I mean I'm just saying I'm open minded Did you know that there's Anyway I was listening to this thing where There's a part like a sex phone

Place whatever I can't talk A sex phone place Okay A lane of sex phone Operators Operators That their thing is

The gay men that call They want to get AIDS That's the fantasy Like give me AIDS Bug chasers or something They're calling The gift The gift

Yeah So gay I don't know Okay you're not into that I'm not into dudes But I mean like Maybe they know He's cute though

That guy's cute Hello welcome Have room Have condom Have care Well I've got to tell you So Oh

Mother Mother Mother Mother Mother Mother Mother Mother

Mother Mother Mother Mother Mother Mother That's a great others I mean

Exactly She's Not You can do it I do too I think you'll win I think you'll come But hold on

Are you into Asian ladies Yeah I'm so far so good I mean Everything about her is wonderful Except for the fact that she didn't submit herself Patrick submitted herself That's true What are we talking about here

That's a problem But she does put off like I come from a barrel vibe You know what I'm saying Like I come from a barrel Also that she's like She is not going to lose

I feel like this person If you were like No because she'll be She'll be like great That's another thing now Well yeah she'll be scared That if I don't come She'll die at the end

Yeah So she's like on a real mission This lady's undefeated In making people come Yeah she knows She's a pro She's a pro but that's the problem you guys I have a sneaking suspicion

She might be a prostitute And I Yeah Against her willer I know that's a thing She just filmed at like a bar Or something Is that where he's at

Somewhere I think he's in Thailand Hanoi Yeah It's on vacation I don't think Yeah the thing is like The tough one

I mean she would very well be great At all the things that she could provide Yeah But there wouldn't be like that connection That I hope I get like Just a small spot I don't need to fall in love But I mean

This one she'll be like She'll just be like I'm going to make you come now And then I You know it'll be like a real I know what you're saying Utilitarian thing I know what you're saying

I make you come now Is actually the And then she'll be like You're coming yet Oh my god And there's Since you like It's paid for

Yes In the eyes Yeah There's nothing going on Yeah I need her to want to do it That's so true Not do it to just save her own life That's

Yeah That's the old school way baby So Let's see who's next I think I'm definitely Jesus Is that Chris?

Objects Make sure you come You can piss on me Beat me Do anything you want I got the tightest in the game You know what the fuck going on You know just hit me up

So What a happy I was I missed that part I looked away What happens then? He got it Come You can piss on me

Beat me Do anything you want I got the tightest in the game You know what the fuck going on You know just hit me up So yeah So if you're listening Yeah

Use the snapchat You know The filter The one that makes you look like a girl Which is highly offensive to us Yeah With fluctuating pronouns I don't like that at all

Stick to your gender But you can then you can really Adapt to what gender you want to be that day Okay So this might be the real show Okay Here we go this is the real deal This is the real one

Alright fucking finally I'm already on board for you right here Yeah she's cute already It's blurry but yeah let's rock it Yeah I'm into it I'm Daniel Okay let's see So

Oh boy Hey mommies This is Daniella here Submitting my video for Make Josh come Ordeal I have a dog She says hello

Aww I also have other things That Josh may be into Aww Psychopath But This is my submission Saying try it out

I do have a full set of teeth Ignore the pimple if you will Yeah And And my farts might be as good as this one Maybe that's what he'd like Try it out Wow

So far I feel like Here's the thing Yeah She's game for whatever you go Like can we try this Yeah She's gonna be like yep

You can try that I agree Can I tell you something You're gonna fall in love I like her That's girlfriend material I like her a lot She's great

The thing I'm Adverse to pain And that Rack in the background was like Yeah but she's not gonna hurt you That's optional You're right It's optional

I think she's really on your side here Yeah I see a good person I like it Can I tell you And I'm not even being No I'm not joking either I think she's a really good person

I think you guys are gonna connect Dude she's cute She's cute She's down She gets our humor She's cool Yeah You don't need

You don't want some middle school check Who's like Where did they touch you here This is a fucking advanced man I like it So far out of the no women She's the leader She's awesome

Should I want to be friends with her I like her I think she's cool If something happened to you Like if you were hit by a bus I'd give her a call No I'm definitely into it I like her vibe

Yeah I like that she started out Was just like What's up This is currently I mean an amazing offer Like I said Out of the zero total leader

Let's see what else we have Huge fan her Good morning Joshua Jesus It's me Jackie from Ottawa Canada And I think that I should get to win the contest To make Josh Potter come Because I'm in Canada

And he can't actually come here to see me So I need to go there to see him Fuck dude And I've heard that you're pretty into lesbians So I do have a friend That could be potentially interested in joining me Lock it up Lock it up

What Can you Jackie from Canada Can she bring us I just want to point something out Yeah You owe me your fucking right I do

I've told you that many times This is unbelievable Yeah who's that last girl Well What's her name The first girl Jackie the first girl is Danielle Danielle

Here's a deal Here's a deal man You're gonna f Jackie Right And her friend God willing You're gonna fall in love with Danielle

Okay He's trying to bust right now Yeah I know No this check's perfect Now how many filters Alright so Danielle You chill for a couple weeks While we get this one

Can you buy two plane tickets Or can we bring the other one The third party I'm willing to let you try an orgy out Hell Jesus Dude this offer Hell bring Danielle too

Here's what I like about this one I thought this might be Start off like kind of generic or something Yeah Pointed out that she's like You can't come to Canada So she knows Yeah

I need to come to you also That you like You're a fan of lesbian Behavior And she's like I can also supply that for you Your dick's getting hard right now Yeah

Tom What Great this is a great option Do we have any more windows We have another option We have one more option I think I think this one's sealed up

Dude this is unbelievable How are you going to top that shit I don't know How are you going to top that shit Oh my god This is Ariana Okay Good morning jeans

My name is Ariana with two ends And I'm going to make Josh come Wow I saw on Dr. Drew's podcast That he has two problems Which is Born relationships And eye contact

And so Here's how I'm going to figure this out I'm here to tell you There are no strings attached So you don't have to worry about that And I can do this shit with my eye For a long ass time So we'll even out the playing field

The whole time Although it'll only take you four strokes to come Because I know myself I'm home here now So you can hit me up But I just figured out That Instagram has DMs So give me a minute

But hit me up And I'll show you how these tits fart Dude You're living the dream right now I mean Tom What Let me think about how happy he is

I'm so happy Do you love our life or I mean Do you even love me anymore I mean This sounds pretty cool But I mean No

Look We live different lives I don't want to be in Josh's position Yeah But I'm saying Dude I'm saying If you're Josh

He's fucking over the moon right now Yeah hold on though I know that the blonde chick was really cute She's got her lesbian friend Christina this is not a question His mind's made up Yeah it's She's great

This one's great too She's aggressively telling you No And if she would have come before the other This is a great Great They're all great They're all

All three are been awesome To be quite honest Let's be More even Explicit You deserve none of them Right Yeah

100% No We have to celebrate How wonderful These people are To make this video This charity service Send it in

Oh my god man I love all of you Yeah The three of you The three of you who did it I think Yeah but you You definitely

You know we're not going to pick for you No we can't No Or can we I mean you can I'm happy If you were to be like We're going to punish you

And not give you the bono I'd be like Okay I wouldn't feel like it was punishment I would feel still rewarded Well here's the thing That's insane I think that

Look they're all Amazing I think they're all beautiful And they all would try to make you Come But the fact that The one Also mentioned

One of your Favorite things Right Which is the lesbian behavior Yeah Alright And she's going to bring Another one

Listen I'm just saying The last girl Really sounded like She was dedicated To the cause Of making you come The middle girl Yeah she was like

I have a lesbian friend What if she and the lesbian friend Do their thing more So than worry about you I'm worrying about You and your needs Getting met Do you understand what I'm saying

I think I'd be cool Okay Well it's your I would be cool with that But it would be a real bummer If you were like I got into this with these two women And then you know

I couldn't come so I Or they couldn't make me come So then I jerk You gotta try We need you to try Oh my god I'm gonna try dude Okay I'm gonna try

The scary thing What if I can only come from Two women I guess I have to live that way forever Now how are you gonna Are you guys gonna all get tested Before you get together You probably should

I get tested I've been tested recently I get tested again Yeah That's the only doctor thing I do Here's what I learned about He

Yeah And someone else On our staff that isn't here today Who can't defend himself Josh doesn't wear rubbers You make that You say that in such a way That it sounds damning

So wait How does it work When do you I'm not like one of these guys That's like Eight toots I don't wear a fucking rubber Alright

So don't think that's happening I would love If you did talk like that But what's your problem I mean How do you bring it up No you just You just hope they forget about it too

Oh my god Yeah You know you can get like Everything from a girl Yeah Like you gotta hope Here's the thing If I have sex and they're hot

I'm like oh my god this is awesome I definitely don't want to wear a condom I hope they don't tell me to If they don't tell me to Then I think we're good to go They're on birth control yada yada yada Yeah on the bus See on the bus I have a condom

Oh my god Stop it You gotta I don't care what you say I gotta wear one too No Well we don't have the risk of him Getting somebody pregnant

Even though you can't get pregnant From pre-come Yeah that's not even coming out of his That's not even coming out of your dick No no no But you can catch herpes Oh no It's so hard to catch those things

They say it's easy It's not easy guys Okay Give me one Now give me a I mean you get The ones that are easy to catch You just go to the Planned Parenthood

You take one of those little shots And they go away Your pee burns for a couple days But I've never had any of those by the way The other ones are trickier and viral Oh herpes Yeah but the herpes have to be visible

Has to be exposed Nope not even Not true The virus has to be shedding So you can get it right before an outbreak Towards the end of an outbreak Yeah I'm with you You're not gonna get anything

So Valtrex baby Just to Make this clear right now You picked a winner Yeah Her name is Is it Jackie

Daniela Yeah it was Jackie Jackie So will you reach out and see if She wants to meet Josh at an upcoming show Yes Are we giving an invite to her friend also

I think that would make Josh happy I think so we have to Yeah we have to And we need a full report Oh yeah we're gonna give a video Okay Let's not do that Legal

You don't wanna see it No thanks What if I just send it to you No I'll check it out Oh okay you wanna see it Hey I just wanna say thanks to the other girls too Yes

Really nice of you Unbelievable I can't believe women actually submitted videos Me neither Yeah Women are Gosh we really are doing God's work Oh my god

Incredibly kind Incredibly kind Okay Anything else I think we gotta I gotta go Go on to that Josh thank you Can't wait for the Robert Paul update

Yes it's coming Very soon Soon we will be there We with you on a Jackie and friend update Yeah Yeah Alright

Alright Your mom's house will be right back Pretty wild Pretty wild episode Hmm Always Yeah I can't believe that People really wanna

Help One of our staff that much You know A lot of nice people out there in the world There's a lot of love Big hearts The world is a dark place Oof man

Well Alright You ready to do this Yeah We've been We've been dreading this part of the show But It's um

We wanted to make sure we did at the end and not at the top but It's time you know People have been asking for a while about Theo So It's um It's tough to say it but um Theo died Last week

He was obviously a big part of our lives He was a part of our family And he was actually part of the show for a long time You know When we started doing the show Theo would jump in And uh Talk

And um He uh You know He would do segments We would bring him to shows A lot of you met Theo at the shows And um You know

Made artwork And uh I mean behind me There's painting right there There's two This one Uh What done behind me

Is a me of the Virgin Mary with feet And then Here he is with his dog tits and um Uh He was sick For people who don't know He was sick for a while Uh

He was sick and he was on meds and um We you know We knew we were like entering the kind of Final phase of his life But we didn't know To what Like you know They gave us like that range

So you kind of just don't We weren't really expecting it the day Yeah He had um About a year ago I We had to keep taking him in To get his heart looked at

And then um You know They were like I don't know Could be Could be a year Could be not Could be a week

And we're like What the heck We um Um He was on a lot of meds towards the end Yeah It was terrible He was on like 15 different meds a day

And so the guy was struggling And he passed away in his sleep So I don't think he suffered too much And uh Yeah But you know He was um

He was our guy Yeah He was an amazing dog He um He definitely He definitely You know He changed my life

I'll be honest with you You know It was a credit for um You got on this Fixation On Brussels Graffins And it was like Like seven years ago

Yeah Then we started entertaining the idea of getting a dog Brussels Graffins If you ever saw What is it The movie With Jack Nicholson As good as it gets

As good as it gets You know That dogs are Brussels And You know We started looking I remember photos And videos

And then you You know We found this uh Shelter It's a kilt shelter In LA And uh Yeah

There he is And then we went We got him We told our We were renting a A guest room A guest house And we told

The landlord about it The day after we got him I was like Hey is it cool to have a dog And he was like I mean I guess Not really Uh

I got him I got this guy Um So yeah we rescued him He got really sick Yeah he's I mean there I am Wearing his shirt too

Yeah and So we rescued him And he got really sick And so Within a week Yeah almost died And he was in an emergency room And he was on oxygen

And they were like I don't know if he's I mean it was terrible We had to sign a DNR And it was a nightmare And then we even You know this was before We were selling tickets

Or anything We had to do a fundraiser Yeah Um Because we had this huge hospital Bill for a dog It was A week

A week A week Right Our own And we were like Oh shit And uh You know we took him

All over the country Um we took him That's the first day We got back with Bitsy He was like Fuck this dog Bitsy was a puppy And he was having no part

If you're listening right now We're looking at photos Pictures Um But yeah So FIFO There I am That's my favorite photo

Ever taken with FIFO And I It was I remember Tom You were in an audition Yeah In an audition And this is before we had kids

Before anything So FIF came with us everywhere And this is a beautiful spring day And FIF and I were sitting out Under this tree And we took this photo Of course the name switch So he was

We adopted him And he was Theo Huxtable Um He was our messy son Who didn't pick up after himself Um Theo Huxtable And then in light

Of the Cosby scandal His name became FIFO Um so there was He had a name change Well we went down to the DMV He had to get his license Yeah He had to get changed

All his paperwork Social security card Oh my god Such a nightmare His electric bill started And then You know he was a WGA writer So he had to switch all that

Over to FIFO But You know always be Well he wrote down to NABCH Yeah Which happened in our He won He won so many awards

And he also Had to slang drugs on the side Yeah bitch You know what it is Yeah And there was that whole era Where FIFO was dealing And he was always talking shit

To you you fucking bitch Stupid ass bitch And I was like I love you FIFO You're the best You're the best Fuck out of you I got action NFL season

Hit me up with the point spread He was selling cigarettes Yeah Taking gambling Yeah Bats taking you know Selling Coke He was doing all kinds of

Crazy shit man He was from the streets of Downey What do you expect For sure man He's hardcore Hardcore So we got this dog And we didn't raise her at the time

And we raised the money to pay this Astronomical medical bill And so basically You know we saved his life twice Yeah we got him And then you know But you know how it is If you rescue a dog you know

That they actually Yeah we never And we never Oh my god for sure He was the best He totally Totally changed I mean you know

I would go into the When I take him on the road too And I'd go into radio stations With him And here's me this big dude And they're like Are you one of these fucking little Dog guys

Brings your dog around And I was like Yeah I guess so And I was like You know I would do anything for that dog Oh me too And we did

Look how beautiful he Like this is us in Redondo This is before we had any Any kids anything going We were broke as a joke He was the best man Theo was our guy Yeah

And he changed our lives And he You know I think in a way When you start rescuing an animal At least at the time we did It was our way of Dipping our toes into having kids Yeah

Is this something we can do Can we take care of Take care of somebody And then you realize Like what they bring out of you Oh Make you love so much You know

He really was a special guy And then we got Bizzles right there Yeah He was the best We love him We got a lot of love From you about him over the years

So also wanted to Tell you You know it obviously took us Quite a few days to process it Yeah And I wept like a baby Oh stop it And I got home the other day

It's horrible But anyways I wanted to You know we wanted to share that with you And to celebrate And part of our celebration Of our beautiful wonderful Theo Huxtable

Our dog I thought we would close on a classic Obi-Wan can only made this song That blew everybody's mind Still does Because he took me doing Theo's voice And he made

Rhymes out of it Which is just I mean think about the amount of time You would have to spend Huge You know what Sam was saying Like I would sit there and go Yeah bitch you know what I mean

Like and then he would make that rhyme With another time that I spoke And he had to figure out How to do this to make this song So this is the song that he made Obi-Wan who's made a lot of music For us over the years And that'll be our closing song today

And he called He titled it Theo's Jam Part Deuces This premiered years ago Yeah this was one of the first Like amazing songs ever Oh my god yeah We were like

And all time classic I love you Theo Fifo wherever you are Fif you're the best Best dog Alright guys we'll see you In another week I run LA basically south of the town

Feed me sandwiches Pets all the time Balls licked Get some barbeque I'm Theo all goddamn day Run shit south of the town 10 times 10 with an S on the hand From the Hunters Black

Boa Baca I don't play around these parts You know what I'm saying Run shit south of the town 10 times 10 with an S on the hand From the Hunters Black Boa Baca I don't play around these parts

You know what I'm saying I'm a wild animal Stab you in your sleep Get your ass out my face Respect my privacy I don't feel nothing I get what I need I'm a wheeler

I'm a do-it-all scythe Get some your jeep I've been outside You ain't shit I piss and shit Where I want You better not forget That kind of damn y'all lazy

I never stop hustling Give me something Get something they gotta pay up You could get kidnapped You're under my care Better show motherfuckers respect Uh, yeah Of course not a little

New Corvettes What I do is what I've been doing No shit You could not disrespect me Could not Alright Motherfuckers Blah blah blah

Pineapples with a big F And just get your shit done 24 was sailing Who's number one? Booms Run shit south of the town 10 times 10 with an S on the hand From the Hunters Black

Boa Baca I don't play around these parts You know what I'm saying Booms Run shit south of the town 10 times 10 with an S on the hand From the Hunters Black Boa Baca

I don't play around these parts You know what I'm saying You act like I didn't live outside for three years I live outside Caught stepping up the game Yo when the fuck are we going back to the dog park? I have people Chihuahua

Goofy Gert Labradors