Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 504-TigerBelly-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: June 19, 2019

Your wish is the Mommies' command! Praise be the longer Intro! Miracles are abound today as we see how a man has overcome a very bad injury and what he intends to do with his new lease on life. Christina is worried about the poison in Tom's brain that he gets from watching murder shows, but the whole world is worried about Christina's brain because of TikTok. We see her latest discoveries. "Yo, that's a beautiful rainbow, doe" Tom is feeling the inspiration from the day and decides to embark on a new business venture in the "Panty" industry. Who better to call than The Fart Mistress herself, Charo! The Mommy Dome fills to the brim as Bobby Lee and Khalyla from the podcast TIGERBELLY enter! Things get off to a wild start as Bobby's feet are brought up sexually. We find out what TV show they have sex to. A Fakening strikes too close to home for Bobby Lee. The Mommies get an education on sushi shaming and it all rounds out with some wild brown stories.

it's fucking morning it's actually just after fucking morning it's it's it's now noon fucking afternoon so it's jamming on the one jamming jamming on the one thank you aphrodisiac for bringing us back to the crib you know I mean quickly I can tell you that as of right now the late show in Wichita has a few tickets left as does the Kansas City show on the 30th the 29th is sold out with the 30th at the Arbus Bank Theater has a few tickets left as well from there I roll on to Appleton Wisconsin Rockford Illinois Peoria Cedar Rapids is sold out and then Evansville Indiana those are all in

July there are tickets available at tomsegar.com slash tour I then go on to the Northeast Hampton Beach Burlington and then a big Canadian run so there's late show tickets available in Toronto Winnipeg and Vancouver those are all in August but you might want to get your tickets now Jean. Jean the Ryder Dye Tour continues please I am begging you Washington DC the District of Columbia I'm there June 20th through 22nd I will give you a million dollars if you sell out my shows before I have to go just so I don't have to what you're committing to giving a million dollars per customer if I don't have to wake up and do

press to sell those last 10 GD tickets on that Friday wish we would talk about these okay moving right along August 2nd and 3rd Salt Lake City Utah September 5th Milwaukee Wisconsin September 6th Chicago Illinois September 7th Boston Massachusetts October Nashville November 22nd Seattle and finally Portland around out the year please get your tickets now now now Christina P online thank you okay it's exciting to know hey guys we did the dates I'm total idiot and I forgot to add the dates that we just put on sale so I'm stupid and they are Pensacola Florida November 14th Lake Charles Louisiana

November 15th Erie Pennsylvania December 5th Columbus Ohio December 6th and Grand Rapids Michigan December 7th there we have already added a second show so get tickets to the second show in Grand Rapids they're all at TomSeguro.com Thank you let's do it let's start the show so how long did it take you to walk Dale? Dale boy talking to you how long did your wife have to go without sex after your car accident because I'm walking I'm ready to walk to North Carolina and fuck your wife Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this

Don't mind when the fuck is there! Welcome to your mom's house with TomSeguro Christina Pajit's secret presenter Welcome to your mom's house Fucking feeling it man You think the audience likes this? This is what they want? This is what they want This is what the audience does the audience not want this? This is all I've been hearing like this is all they want this is what this is the verdict they want longer

Yeah longer intro everybody's talking about it everyone wants a three-hour show of just intro My inbox is honestly like just make the intro longer why do we even listen to your show right you know what the other thing that's been coming up I don't know if you've seen this or not I'll take a quick break from the intro for a second no no what are you doing just for a moment the audience is turned out the audience we lost them I've seen a lot of requests for an intro only episode where it just plays the right that's what he was saying no but I'm saying like let's put that out there a one-hour clip right intro where it's

you guys just rocking out to the intro for an I'm not gonna do that I'm not gonna sit here for an hour and rock out I'm not gonna give our audience what they want that's what you just say what I don't want to listen to that for an hour I don't want them to be happy I don't care if you're happy I don't want you guys happy at all that's how you're pretty blue eyes match your pretty blue jacket thanks so handsome so shiny eight more minutes there's no other podcast doing this you have like a white supremacist jacket on

what are you talking about isn't that what skinheads wear it's a blue bomber wait wait wait that's all I mean what's going on you're back in England in the 80s that's what I think skinheads that we're jumping around I'm just trying to put perspective on the alright well this fucking guy I don't want to hear a theme song anymore all right fine is this guy gonna fuck your wife this guy does he have leg braces I love this guy this guy well first of all he sets up exactly what's going on in this open in the first clip here before it's to make sense of this song go ahead and play this six weeks ago today I tore the

quadricep tendons on both my legs look at me I'm walking down the street I'm yes indeed I'm walking I think here's what I love about this is that in that in that clip you're like oh it's just a guy who was in this horrific accident yeah who is he's rehabbing and he's improving like sure that's a right he's inspirational yeah kind of OS there is nothing about that clip that takes you to where it's gonna go I'm excited to see my favorite one so he's like I'm just rehabbing from this car and I was in looking me walk now aren't you proud of me right and it's inspirational I like every I like that kind of a story great

hey man what else you got so how long did it take you to walk Dale Dale boy talking to you how long did your wife have to go without sex after your car accident because I'm walking I'm ready to walk to North Carolina and fuck your wife that's the that's the fucking punchline on his like but about when I've rising them I get a little yeah yeah wow so I'm assuming Dale was like in the wreck with him and he's like look how much healthier I am bitch I mean like he's he's really calling Dale out you know I kind of wanted your wife have to go without sex but here's the deal man I want to have that guy over Dale you do

because I like that kind of energy yeah you know what I mean I like he's like bitch I'm gonna take you down like I like you but the like it masculine energy masculine I love masculinity the lane shift though you know why no I love it my quadriceps are growing back to Dale you know what I'm gonna do yeah I'm ready to walk to North Carolina and fuck your wife man that is that's quite a jump and put some hot sauce on that game so yeah I went to school in North Carolina and there's a lot of dales there so there's no way to limit this down yeah we can't figure out who he's talking to why there is a lot of the

southern the day I was real popular and having like that be your second name yeah Randy Dale mm-hmm Doug Dale Bobby Dale yeah what is that Gunner Dale yeah smart that's what it is and let's see where he takes it somewhere else even there's more yep look at me walking there's my walker Dale only so little stroll six weeks after my accident and I'm ready to fuck your little dick didn't work for fucking a year faggot what did Dale what's going on with Dale I mean Dale wasn't in this because he's citing that Dale couldn't get his dick up for a year he knows Dale well and it's also not playful this is not his friend you

don't think so I don't know no that doesn't feel playful oh I thought you just saw you think that feels playful yeah I just feel like guys being am I reading this one listen you and you and your guy friends you know you you taunt each other you're so totally over absolutely but you and bird and Joe and Ari there's a tone to this that to me doesn't read like you know like he's like I'm gonna I'm really gonna fuck your wife if he's it seems like I'm ready to fuck I love it I'm ready to fuck that guy too let's go yeah he doesn't really seem like a little faggot I love it God I missed that word don't

you think it feels genuine oh yeah this guy yeah really hates Dale really hates Dale yeah he's uh he's really calm how long did she go without getting any dick you're right now that I hear it again now that when you isolate the tones like the tone is different it's much more can you play it again sure I like to hear your little dick didn't work for fucking a year yeah you're no you're right I thought it was playful like alpha male stuff yeah it's hostile no no yeah he hates Dale and he wants Dale to die and he wants to fuck his wife yeah he wants to kill him and then fuck his wife it's a real fucking big threat man now I'm

gonna walk with my broken legs fuck your wife I gotta know that I'm ready to walk to North Carolina and fuck your wife yeah I gotta get the backstory on these two anyway we could where's this from yeah I think walking distance from North Carolina I'm not a hundred percent no no where did the clip come from it got sent into us what is it the original video sent like did the person who filmed this send it in I thought is it a link to something I need to do some let me do some back to you yeah I'm gonna go yeah I'd really like to meet this guy yeah I'll see what more info I could dig up please do this guy I like it

kind of guy I like to feature I guess you know what though and I and I know this is not politically correct in today's feeling climate I like guys like that yeah I like masculine alpha no I'm serious like today we were taught like we were out we were getting a coffee and we were talking about football and how that made you into a man waking up doing those two what are they two days yeah yeah and you're like it was hot as fuck and I fucking did it and it doesn't make me a pussy and I'm like yeah that's but that's why I'm attracted to you yeah you like when I lift things and move oh my god yeah yesterday you were opening

the big umbrella and I was like that's my baby daddy right there I just like watching you do guy stuff and it gets me excited I'm like that's why you're my boo yeah sure man 15 years I know fucking kicking people in the face I love it masculine I don't want to hear all your feelings but I want to see you I saw a guy lying on the sidewalk and I kicked the shit out of a guy shoving a bike pedal up his butt that's right I can't do it crack your fucking jaw man yeah but it's gone a little too far lately you've really been into these wife murdering shows you like masculine that's that's a lot like last that's

couple nights you've been watching a movie I don't know you say oh I'm watching the best movie last night yeah this movie I guess it's called Fracture and it came out a few years ago and it has your boy I mean it has Ryan Gosling who you love I know when I have to say it from what I watched he's not lit well 12 years ago he's not lit well and he's doesn't look as cute as he normally does or maybe he was just younger but the premise spoiler alert spoiler alert he's too young premise of the movie is that in like the first couple scenes you see Anthony Hopkins put a bullet in his wife's fucking face so right away you're

hard you're ready to fucking watch a fun movie and then and then there's a there's a trial and it's just really it's a it's a legal you know it's like a courtroom drama but man he plays a great lunatic Hopkins are you studying him because that's your future and cinema I would love to play that kind of look at Ryan see he doesn't look his hand that maybe it's 12 years ago in the movie yeah I like him aged now yeah yeah the thing is is that you you're really into this film and you've been on a theme I feel of like wife murder you know what's great though in the movie like there's this thing that happens where you're like

you're pulling for Hopkins you know you're like come on man get away with it like you're like happy for him you know and he's very masculine like you like he's a real man no Anthony Hopkins is not he's a gentleman well he's a gentleman but in this movie you're like yeah she's fucking talk shit get hit you know that's not what I mean that's kind of what happens like you don't want to bullet through your face maybe shut the fuck no that's not what I'm talking about I'm just talking about I like a little masculine men I like a little yeah stink on me too you know this is me too I'm I like I like Pete I like the fuzz on the

peach fuzz on the beach you know what I'm saying man manly man manly men but I worry about you and I'm being sincere because you before the wife murder it was you're watching Ted Bundy there was like a two-for-one movie deal on iTunes I'm being serious it was great Bundy and who else it was like a back-to-back move double feature I don't know maybe and then maybe it was the green river killer the green river killer and I'm telling you this is like I love you yeah and I worry about your mind because I've you listen I quit smoking through hypnosis I'm a huge fan of the unconscious mind and studying how that

works and neuro linguistic programming right power of suggestion and I have to tell you that that's a big thing is you got to watch what your what garbage you're putting in your mind before sleep it's very important there's a cool guy that's how I felt about Bundy and the green right that's what I'm saying is that you're filling your mind with garbage murder terror fear I don't and then you're like good night yeah just the happiest can be sleep great green river killer night night mommy I love it puts me right to bed here's a deal I never mm-hmm yeah and I like to dream about rainbows and puppies and you know good

joy I have great dreams I have dreams where I'm flying what a while I'll tell you what I watch before sleep um romantic romantic comedies I like Marie condo she tried to hide the app you know like gentle stupid TLC shows there's great silly silly silly sure that's what you like Shaws of Sunset silly silly we like different things right but how can you go right to sleep after like a baby I had a great dream last night what do you can I tell you something great dream last night I got in my dream you know there's a killed your wife no happier we have a handicapped neighbor across the street I dreamt that I I broke into

their house and I tied them up okay I just I I killed him and his wife but do you understand like I've been you know what everybody was saying in my dream they're like you're pretty masculine guy okay and I was like yeah shut up may I say something though what real real talk I wake up mornings I woke the other day I had this dream that I was in a Wes Anderson style house everything was Wes Anderson and I was beautiful in this beautiful dress and I was in a party I like it right positive in 15 years I've never ever once woken up with you and you went you know what I had the best dream it was I was

flying and I was free as a bird and I was up you know what I mean like there's never a joyful I had joyful dreams I've had joyful dreams but I like terror yeah like you had to fill your mind up with garbage before you sleep I like mystery suspense I like the last image I like to see as I fall asleep it's just someone screaming right that's what you that's what you're doing to yourself but I understand I am in heaven when I have those thoughts and dreams I really feel that doesn't scare you I like it I like I'm being I'm being dead serious though that this kind of garbage in your mind this terror this fear this doesn't

affect you you think unconsciously no no I would beg to differ I would think if we had the shrinks listening yeah I just don't think it's it's good for I like mystery there see that's what Tommy likes ah my husband's gonna kill me that that feels that's interesting and it makes you smile it's fun yeah I love seeing that expression women terrified that's your fit that's it that's it that's the kind of shit that he's watching as I'm going to sleep I hear this yeah that is women screaming mascara down their face that is a dream to me that's a dream look how does this relax you I'm just saying like to unwant this is your

unwind I know she's not going anywhere oh my god you know how are you unwinding look at that guy so what's the what's the herd dream is like the you know here's what I like to watch before bed rainbow I've literally I like tiktok I will tell you that I have a problem I have a problem but hold on but hold on I like puppies rainbows you like you were watching tiktok the whole time when I was finishing that movie the other night because I don't want to hear murder killing you're seeing complete chaos though it's not cast as people singing nice no unstable people with not everything going on it's not normal no

it's nice simple people singing simple people is a real special way of saying it but simple people are happier okay so Christina said you like to see rainbows a lot of rainbows yep I know you're not going to sleep just yet but we do have a oh okay excite easy out here chilling you know something out nigga but I just seen a motherfucking rainbow Nick whoa ain't that motherfucking down nigga that shit beautiful than the motherfucking my baby mama probably at the end of that bitch with a gold digging ass Nick it's a beautiful rainbow but see anybody can get anybody can appreciate a rainbow that's true who's not getting stoked on

that rainbow yeah it's amazing it's a huge perfect beautiful rainbow it's a double rainbow and even a thugged out gangsters like yeah he's like my baby mom's at the end of that rainbow gold dig in my gold he's right that's pretty fucking funny man that's a dope rainbow yeah that is a beautiful I'm surprised you can even enjoy that kind of thing knowing what you really like ticker no tiktok really brings joy tick tock your tiktok shit is just off the chain people really love my curations my insta stories are blowing up whoa they love it that shit beautiful than the motherfucking yeah yeah are we looking at

my my curation for the week I got a couple of that you sent us over here we go let's hear it warm it up Chris I'm about to here we go yeah PSA please stop using the fucking audio contact if you don't know why it's PS and you never fucking it's very offensive to me as a let and the other boys and let's out there I'm pretty sure of it I see you love your makeup but not that you don't know the words yeah okay so she's really upset if you claim the ICP is what you're into but you're like not familiar with all the lyrics we'll listen to it again fully dedicated yes are you into it or not yeah yeah PSA please stop using the

fucking audio contact if you don't know why it's PS and you never fucking it's very offensive to me as a let and the other boys and let's out there I'm pretty sure of it I see you love your makeup but not that you don't know the words yeah pose hers she's really takes it seriously she does babe so I fallen into the juggalette hole now on tiktok and then I fell into the cosplay I don't know I like the wrong people and I go into different lanes okay like the wrong people is the name of your name wait this is my favorite I fallen down the witchcraft hole now on tiktok the witches are my favorite okay right here is a

selenite charging plate this little friend of mine is a selenite palmstone and this is a selenite wand that works with your chakra selenite is great it never needs cleansing or charging and anything you place on or near it gets cleansed and charged your lazy quick witch duh okay these are all the witches I fell down the witch rabbit hole on tiktok I love the witchcraft ones those are good what else do I get hi I have to do this really quickly because they don't have a lot of time I'm so sorry about myself I'm a boy my name is Pisces I'm about seven years old I'm very feminine even if I'm a guy my mama is Scorpio

and my papa is Gemini okay I don't know I don't know much more emotionally bothered by any serial killer documentary I've ever seen but that makes me go right to sleep happy because that does because that makes me chuckle I'm like this bitch is crazy good night like I love this makes me happy this brings me joy this psycho shit make yourself useful you stupid dumb fucking cock sucking motherfucker Jesus yeah what was that drop about that was about this girl oh well she's a Gemini and a Pisces and she's also a boy do you not hate her hi I have to do this really quickly because I don't have a lot of time I'm so

I'm a boy my name is Pisces I'm about seven years old I'm very feminine even if I'm a guy my mama is Scorpio and my papa is Gemini bye I don't know okay I don't know is it cosplay or something he's fucking nerds in their cosplay yeah I can't stand the cosplay community sorry if you're listening and you like to dress like a Pegasus or whatever on the weekends but I don't get it I don't get it at all and they really commit like when they do their tech talks the cosplayers they're like really like hi I'm the jellybean fairy listen to me piece of fuck one I'm not bisexual two I'm not gay three no I'm

not goddamn fat I'm skinny as hell and four I'm fucking wick and I love that guy free tiktok he should have been tiktok and like a motherfucker and I'm fucking wicking wicking and I'm fucking wicking you know what they listen to me you piece of fuck you know what they like to do on tiktok too is they'll do like rich boy check you know that you know that whole thing and then they show like there are stuff that that nothing that you are saying is anything anybody knows when you're like you know what they're doing on tiktok no none of us know well I'm here to tell you what's cool I'm like learning how to put

sentences together yeah I'm a cool mom anyways so what they do now too because there's different ones there's like goth check and then the girls like dancing to bow house then they wait there's like witch check and they're like half the people you follow on tiktok aren't even toilet drain yet they're really not you know I really wish you'd respect different people's lifestyles and you know if you just open your mind a little yep hmm yeah anyway I have a coffee station update I wanted to show you guys yeah I've bought a different thing on Amazon purchase through our banner go to your mom's house podcast calm look at

the banner bottom the home page you're shopping as you normally would I got a white one to match our furniture yeah I'll tell you something you know this might sound elaborate if you're listening but it's really not all she did if you want this I think it's a game changer is you just put yeah brah your your coffee your curing or whatever it is an espresso hundred dollars change your life in the in your home your ups your master bathroom yeah it's like you wake up and you just have a coffee ready to go well and you see what I've added here to I've got my pods down there I've got the mugs yep and I've added a sono

speaker that I may listen to my jams in the morning to and that's a tiny fridge up on the upper right I put the milk in there and then I use a gavel sweetener in my coffee but it's pretty this is pretty cool because exciting you put your music on then you can shake off those terrifying nightmares if you're telling me you know but the night terrors that I had something fresh in your mind yeah well no wonder I sweat all night all I hear is screams when I I'm terrified of my practice I'm practicing my fucking Wiccan I'll fucking Wiccan listen to me you piece of Wiccan all right yeah it's great man

I'm really happy about it yeah it's a life changer it's a game changer it's a game changer yeah so listen the other day what look okay go ahead sorry I'm sorry so oh yeah this is something we wanted to do is there any way we can get Josh to say a few words I don't want to say them for him yeah but we're gonna have him say these words just to hear how he says he said something incorrectly before during our meeting and I I wish I could remember I was like oh yeah that's not right he says everything so I for the record I say everything correctly it's the it's the rest of the world can I ask you one

other thing yeah did you did you contact our winner of your contest I haven't uh have we contacted her I didn't think I should make the should I make the first contact why would you guys not yeah more official are you are worded get on this this chick wants to bang it yeah but still I mean all right yeah that makes sense okay now that makes sense oh we have to reveal it that's right that's right okay all right so everybody thinks you're our word so you will you say these large bold words and just see how you say them well I know how I say them yeah that's how yeah you are supplementary documentary couple

complimentary and that says Cassandra yeah you got that right but so a movie like like always amazing is is a a documentary yeah and if you're saying everyone somebody says hey you're a beautiful lady that's very complimentary are you being serious that's how I would have said it until I've been pointed this out and now and not in front of you I wouldn't say it that way complimentary literally everyone from Western New York has piped in and said this you are correct Tom and Christina are the our worded ones I know so you're telling us it's a regional dialect yes yeah yeah but that makes sense right

yeah people say things stupidly yeah no we're in the south basically so who knows I mean you guys are like we're in the south yeah what do you mean what LA is the south south of the country of what no no it is south is not not how we're close to Mexico right right so that's like the south so people talk our worded here too okay we should do a geography lesson with him too you know that the south refers to the southeast though you know that well yeah sure I guess okay but but you you talk good I talk well yes wow there suck on that one yeah yeah so Josh people want to know about our PC what is the status of your visit with him

I will be going there this weekend cool so by the time the next episode airs you will have a real update I would have landed on the moon by then yes come back to come back to earth I am excited oh my gosh he's been commenting on my Instagram photos and stuff and he's like sexy pic or oh yeah funny vid yeah who are the pics of Tom no I'm so excited for your update oh my gosh I mean you're either it's either gonna be a phone call from the coroner's office coming back here to tell us an amazing story one of the two yeah either one I'm excited I'm excited yeah that quarter is gonna have some real secrets too if that is gonna

be like whoa he's gonna be like it's much more than just a simple homicide you have no idea I have a sneaking suspicion that his bathroom might be less than sanitary could be no you think so it might be worse than an arc the weird thing is like you're gonna discover so much more by spending the night oh my so what if he doesn't have a bathroom he does wait is Josh really gonna sleep over there I sure hope so I mean me too if all goes well enough elementary if he invites you to sleep over you have to yeah you have to I'll just say that just get ripped I want you to come back alive okay okay all right hold on I gotta move

on so so somebody wanted you to know oh Christ it says CP isn't the only our word thanks guys what a compliment are completely retarded it says for years when I washed my blender I would put the sponge down into it and cut my fingers on the blades like one out of three times then this girl I started dating showed me how you can unscrew the bottom and wash all three components separately what this blew my mind I was 33 years old Daniel I could hear these stories all day this is my love these guys send us your your are worded stories yeah where you've been doing things wrong your whole life shows you

now I remember the time remember that yogurt fudge yeah and it falls over and I was like well why do you think it folds directly for years I would like scoop out the fruit put it in there slap it up and I was like one day I just saw you tip it over I was like and now we're in our 30s but I didn't know you could unscrew the bottom of a blender I didn't know yeah oh my god cuz I that's how I wash our blender I just put my hand in I wouldn't have even known that it has you I would I would think you watch it with the lid on how does the water get in there I'm so dumb this is something I love hearing these please send in more

are worded so you've discovered this is something I'm so fascinated by okay so I tweet the other day I tweet hey like I can help you sell I can help you sell your worn panties and socks let's work together to build something for both of our futures hit me up with a handshake oh that's each emu yeah cool mom anyways it gets a bunch of obviously like a lot of heat on this tweet a lot it gets a lot of joke joke responses like it's it's a prompt for a joke and then it gets a few a handful of like hey I'm actually really doing this and then I go oh like well I can tell people how to do it yeah and someone's like well I

rather just like you know email you directly about I go okay so I get an email but here's the fascinating part about this we've been talking about this for a long time well I have always felt that women should be doing this that if you're struggling why not sell your worn panties why not kick a guy in the nuts if that's what he wants right I mean I I've said it first the thing if I if I could have done this shit back and if the internet was as big as it was when I was coming up as a comic I would have fucking done here's the thing that the internet and these platforms have provided this is accessible to anyone

now dude here's okay my favorite part of I'm gonna get into the details yes let's instruct the audience on how they can sell their war this is what this is what she said first of all she's been doing this 10 days so we're not talking about a veteran we're talking about somebody who just started and was like dude I'm making money right now yeah and she's like yeah I'm happy to tell people what I do how I do it and you know and tell people that like look if you're a woman and you're in debt or just need extra cash I really don't think this is a bad thing to get involved I agree if you're a woman and you're not selling your

soiled panties and socks get your life it's kind of crazy so I'm gonna tell you yeah tell them how much money we can make dude so it starts by this woman's friend that tweets something and then as a joke she sees it and goes hey anyone want feet pics I want to sell them mm-hmm she goes some dude must have been searching that found my thread hit me up asked for a preview I sent him one and then he's he was like hey I want more started sending me money to send him pictures how much money are we talking well let's see here so for the preview sent me like 50 bucks oh then what's the preview what is that just so what do

your feet look like then but isn't that the picture of your feet that's one then some dude was like I want a hundred send me a hundred twenty dollars to take a two-minute video of my boyfriend tickling my feet easy easy money in two minutes come on that's two minutes then another customer wanted pictures of my feet while I was sleeping so it's just like feet sticking out of the bottom of the sheets come on dudes then another guy a hundred and thirty five dollars just random numbers for a video of me putting my feet to the camera telling that he's disgusting pervert oh easy money now I offer my used panties and

socks I'm sending a few to Ohio the guy asked him to be filthy and disgusting so I'm going to give him what he wants check I'm diving deeper into this world by doing things like I'm not pegging people or doing things up the ass but like telling people that their pieces of shit direct messages they're paying me for that I call me goddess and mommy and sending me Amazon gift cards and Starbucks gift cards great shit I gotta sign up for this I know she just started doing this 10 days ago 800 bucks in like a week amazing then says oh so here's what she goes this is all I would tell people to do you just Instagram account

whatever your lane is start putting pictures of that it sounds like she's really strong in the feet and used panty care categories so she's got nice feet and soiled panties and she said you so you start putting up your you do your Instagram account with whatever your thing is feet armpits you know arm it's our lane too yep underwear socks whatever and you do that and then you go hey here's here's what it is if you want a custom thing hit me up you have your direct messages open you set up a Venmo or a PayPal account and you just go like and here's the thing oh she said the thing that I learned you got to get

money up front so it's like you get the money up front she goes it's mind boggling I've been in this over just over a week people are asking my advice I'm giving it to them yeah she's like I'd like to see this checks account it sounds like here it is I'll tell you what it is she says we can we can we can plug it plug it okay it is feet by it's with three E's F E E T right F E E E T sorry by B Y K K a Y that's it now I I always thought it was illegal to send panties in the mail because of body fluids I don't know about this stuff well I think so no no you got to go to Instagram first probably search it

within Instagram or just do the handle just do the at F E E E T by K there she is K there she is she just started she just started DM me for business cash app Venmo like wow and look at every she's got nice she's got the dog there next to her feet yeah that's it and they're not do you want a custom video just send me and for those of you listening like do my feet have to be exceptional her feet are really nice she's got great feet sure pretty these are pretty they're the same color nails I got on right now it's pretty feet so she did her thing pretty phase pretty girl dude I'm saying if you if you're talking about in a week 800

bucks for your first week doing it like you're gonna start paying your rent and shit off of this I mean like I said have this existed and panties how much you think panties oh if you're like I'm gonna send you my filthy panties yeah that I sweat and farted in no I would do it now I used to know a female comic that did it back in the back in the day when we were coming up and she would meet guys behind the Chucky G's and have her bag full of panties and exchange them because she said that she got caught trying to mail them FedEx yeah FedEx sorry I said that wrong and you can't by the way I always I got always clear the

plug I cleared saying hey you want your thing plugged please you know check her out be nice and if you want to request something do it but you know don't harass her I'm just trying to be nice to her be nice to her I always try because I mean most of our fans are super cool with it but though the last line the last thing that she says is PS I love the I love the podcast I always keep it high and tight I want to challenge your mom to a fart duel interesting and I'm like it got me thinking how much money is my mom leaving on the table you're telling me you know so it's like that is that's a that's a serious but this

whole dirty panty stuff it's a waste if you're not a woman if you're doing this and you're I'm sorry if you're a woman and you're not doing this I mean like how many dirtbags want to buy your dirty panties can I tell you this too if you're a woman out there I know we've talked about this before or guy I'll just say but like you know listen if you're like well I don't I don't have the prettiest butt or doesn't matter dude doesn't matter somebody out there is totally into you do you think what I mean what about celebrity panties this is something that I feel like is has so much about like a podcast panties I

mean I think mom panties I think the amount of money that like you know if like it's somebody on TV was just like I'm saying like they don't need it but like if they're like like whatever the fucking star of CSI was like yeah you guys want my panties I wore on Saturday I farted a bunch I think the amount of money they could make or yeah what's her name the Latin Charo the Latin one a modern family oh my yeah Sofia Vergara yeah Sofia Vergara she sold her panties oh my god make more than she would on the damn sitcom for sure I mean people would be like just I farted all day yeah I had to make so many farts I had

Lomo Saltao and then oh I just fart my ceviche farts all day this chick can make a fortune first of all she would just be like it starts at you know five grand a penny at least yeah then she's also and she's breaking in 50 grand a week on her panties I know I mean this is this is the lane to be in but I also think I also think you could sell your panties there's a lot of that I feel like I'm limiting it to women I feel like if you're a guy dude if you're a good-looking guy I'm serious like let's say you're I buy Ryan Gosling's dirty pants that's what I'm so if some good-looking actually is struggling for cash yeah I

bet you could try the same thing of course you can set up your account set it up under a fucking weird name and then the thing is the hashtags you just have to look for the right hashtag so find the popular hashtag for that thing right and start putting up pictures and be like what kind of custom video do you want Josh our own Josh Potter just changed his bio because he wants to test the waters on the potential panty and sock he's gonna sell his nasty why not there's somebody out there that'll like it there's a gay dude out there that wants Josh's filthy absolutely and I want him to make that money I mean

there's probably gonna be we'll probably have this you'll probably do this a couple weeks and be like you know I can't work here anymore man I got these panties and socks and I'm selling so I know it's such a great business I mean it's so crazy not do you think your mother would be interested in going down this lane with no but I think that she wants that money I think when we start talking dollars I think we should try to convince her do you think that when I get really old I could do this absolutely panty would you mind do you understand that the there's a genre for everything that it's always there

somebody wants a 90 year old woman to fart in his face man you know it's so funny women are like oh the patriarchy sucks like does it because there's dudes out there that make they make more money than us than us but like they'll pay for your dirty panties a hundred percent and they're stupid like they'll do that because they're horny and they're dumb and that's all they want I know and they want nothing else I know and then got all I'm like sure spend your money and then they're like tell me I'm a piece of shit yeah and this girl's like you suck you're a piece of change a hundred dollars there's this thing you were

tweeting that already I know I do that you're an asshole where's my money there's a one one type of fetish thing where you drain somebody's bank account and they get off on you draining their bank yeah like how stupid is that it's fantastic I know be that person be the woman that drains the dudes balls in bank account there you go go after her kicking guys in the nuts I've always said that I could do that I mean yeah easy peas yeah they want it I'm here I'll kick your nuts I'm home here now so I'm super excited by the way so we're gonna call Charo yeah one of the things you should know is that I told her

there was merch coming out there's merch on sale now okay and I told her about this I said there's merch coming out with you and she was so upset she was so upset you can't see it there but it's on the store so it is on the store go to merchmethod.com slash Tom cigarette there's Charo mugs and there's Charo shirts it says you're not my son anymore from her famous fart video so I'm gonna bring it back up to her and it's just it is so amazing how upset she got it's like it's my favorite thing ever okay she's really mortified right now by the campaign yeah she's how far we've gone no no this is honestly my favorite thing

I've ever done in my life course this is what we've been working on this for a decade and watch I set her up to do this call and she won't answer the fine yeah she'll be like I left it and the dogs are barking yeah I have to find the phone yeah I'm like your calling now forwarded to an automatic and I told her I was doing why are all parents are worded when it comes to like answering the phone changing the channel I know it's like they can't do a damn thing I know this just what happens when you turn 70 I think so your life just becomes like oh I can't answer the phone it's super man I'm never gonna do it to my children

justina yeah well we say that and then it'll change but it's absolutely dealing with this is like this brings me closer to rage yeah why don't start watching mom murder movies and now I'm calling him calling top dog yeah to try to get a hold of her like the way that we set it up I like I literally watch and now I'm gonna call again yeah hello I'm like well I told you I couldn't find the phone to me and then you're gonna be mad at her and then she's gonna have to deal with your rage hello hey mom I'm calling you from that line that I told you I'll call you from okay so can I talk can I call you now from it yes okay

I'm gonna call you right back okay okay I mean but she knows you're just gonna call so why is she going outside with the dogs she knows you're gonna call this is like I know it's infuriating okay okay that's like parents just become R-worded this just happens when you get old their logic doesn't make sense oh my god I got my mom's dad to talk to her anymore my dad's gonna die soon probably yeah it's a nerving hello Charo hey hey what's going on no much no much well cleaning this inspecting oh there's a couple things that like people are fired up about number one your merchandise is selling like hotcakes well that better

be a joke it's not a joke you're you have mugs you have t-shirts you have pillowcases towels hats keychains we did a whole line and it is honestly the hottest seller that we have had we even have like flash drives we have umbrellas backpacks everything embroidered and well don't don't forget to add it sleeping bags rubs yeah people are people are for the floor and come in for the dog yeah people are not it added this is a whole fashion line now where it's funny for me no funny you realize that you have sold my soul so embarrassed my family doesn't even want to see me anymore what are you talking about mom Armando send me a text

and he says I didn't know you were a celebrity are you selling yourself cheap mom do you understand that people are can sit talking about you like you're a god yeah a god of art yeah yes and being a god of that well you are you do you realize when you're probably top three in the world at something so I don't know if to laugh or to cry when you talk well this is true this is true can you mind how embarrassing this is for me to annoying me to be in that incident in that incident I haven't left my house well I have good for the fear that I might run into somebody to see your stupid thing and they look at me and I say oh

my god and the only thing I think is my butt no my face well the combined views are around two million now on all the platforms and yeah very funny no it's true it's true when you combine the Instagram the Twitter the YouTube all the views yeah it's about two million now and people you realize but you realize what you're doing to your mother oh wait a minute yes I realized that we're about to hit the jackpot so this is what I wanted to talk to you about we have so many requests for custom videos of you farting like looking over your shoulder and farting and like doing different activities farting and people are

willing to pay so I've set up a site I've set up a PayPal so people can pay you directly and basically god stop yeah don't even keep going yeah I just don't even this is just I am not going to we're talking we're talking we're talking listen to this stupidity mom can you imagine this is your mother mom we're talking asking me to look over her shoulder and fart and tell it what is the word you're talking about mom this is like real money real money okay mom we're talking seven eight thousand a month every month okay I'm gonna I tell you what I'm gonna do I'm gonna put it I'm gonna do it put in a bottle seal it and send it

to you in a shape of you know it's empty but actually it's my air so you can tell it yeah yeah that's like $500 a bottle a fart yeah okay without a video okay I mean if you're serious but people need to see at least a little evidence can you do a few videos a week no not videos can you do one where like they like to see or like you walk by the dog and you fart and the dog goes like like that kind of thing or we're not talking about this bullshit okay okay I am I am done down with you relation well yeah ways you see the wait till you see your merch check then you're not gonna be too upset I promise you that yeah yeah I'm

not joking well yeah this is a great idea so how about this and I'm and I just want to straight up answer just I'm being honest would you fart into like let's say your underwear for the day and then put that in a bag and ship that out yeah of course I love you you're the fart mistress you're the god of all that is glorious wrong with you okay how much do does underwear cost $10 for you would be 10,000 okay no I'm saying if under when you buy underwear $20 so I don't know how much you spend in Christina why don't you make Christina do all this she's she signed up already I'm asking you now because you're a legend but I'm not as

famous nobody wants my farts you're the fart mistress or people don't know about yours Christina that like you you're the one with the the millions of views yeah you're the master I fart into this microphone every week I try to be what you are it's it's not there yet it's money on the table listen you're leaving so much money on the table you've got a talent you know I can't believe the lack of disrespect that you have for me you said lack of disrespect that means I respect you that is not that means you respect me yeah I lose that lack of respect oh yeah yeah the lack of respect that you have but I totally respect you

I actually honor you and I honor you and I hold you up to the light in which you belong which is queen of all farts and you imagine we're building a brand can you imagine you are that you don't have to imagine you're number one okay I'm gonna make you the king of poop okay yeah and I I'm gonna have you in the highest standard because you are the king you have broke a toilet in my house do me a favor do me a favor and you remember we have that what is it called the plancher yeah every time you went to the bathroom because it was so much I don't know but I'm I feel that's a game I have the money do you feel like if you were to go

over to dad and be like hey how do you feel about an extra seven eight thousand a month he'd be like nah I don't want that right of course he wants it right why don't you just fart a little bit and get your money guys I'm beautiful I just can't believe this conversation well look I want you to know something because I think you think this is a joke but I want you to know how proud I am of you because I when I put that listen to me when I more than proud when I put that video out I made sure to put my name on your body on your face when it plays so that everybody knows that's my mom you know

so I I want people to know that's not just some random lady that's my thank you for the mother thank you for the other so there is no confusion of a random lady right it is my mother and she is my house she is number one at farting number way to keep me in my house and by the way if you do go play bridge and these other women it won't happen I put you on the idea that I run into one of these this is thousand it's thousand people who play each one of those happen to see that that would be enough for me to bury under there but those are called haters Charles those are haters they're just jealous what if you what if

you go see one of your friends and they're wearing your new shirt they're wearing it do you do you know what you said to me the other day when I told you that your merchandise was coming out yeah do you remember what you said I was going to bury myself alive no you said okay I'm just gonna go kill myself yeah well same thing if I bury myself I live I'm killing myself right that's true yeah she goes I'm going to kill myself I'm going to kill myself I tell you that's better be a joke to me I'm not killing you with that one what the merch yeah it's already a top so much is on fire your mergers are you guys I am

sure you have lots of money for me lots of money well yeah well we have the start sending those bottled farts pantyfart pant dirty panties custom videos yeah yeah you're making real money yeah well anyways I took the liberty of setting up your site setting up all the pay stuff so all we need now is content content content this is this is as far as you can go in talking to my mom I love you I'm trying to get you more money no you can give me money from your pocket you don't have to insult me and put me here's the first request I got it said please make it look like she is cleaning up in the living room she bends over to pick

up some magazines from the ground and let's an accidental fart out like that this is not yes how can you allow to allow him I encourage it because we're just trying to grow your brand listen when somebody like you it's like a Haley's comment once in a generation a talent like you we're trying to build your career this is a once in a lifetime opportunity I realized that I don't deserve any respect in this world the only thing I'm worth it is a fart that well I gotta tell you I've never been prouder I love you so much and I can't wait to get this money with you okay I love you okay well I love you and keep

farting God bless I'll talk to you later I mean I don't know why talent gets reluctant it's like if God's giving you a gift that was run that was amazing and here we are with two of my favorites at the hosts of the wildly successful podcast Tiger Valley Bobby Lee and his much much much much much much better half you're so beautiful articulate funny attractive smart do you ever wake up in the morning and look over and go what the fuck am I doing you know I I yes and no yes not because of how he looks right which is what people think his behavior but what I've come to terms with is I have a very different type of

man I think I've dated the whole variety the whole gamut of good-looking men and I realize I really like them fat and wild really that's my type that's ultimate and you discovered this through just living your life fat and wild that's special fat and wild I like them fat and I like them a little crazy just batshit crazy unpredictable right volatile yeah can we get you here say something yeah let me say something to you my friend yeah you know society is the one that told you know us what good-looking and bad-looking is true okay yeah and in many in many eras throughout the history of mankind I'm

sure that my look was like huge I think and here's the thing I 16th century something right I might be I might be go I might go to a club then and like the needy like Chris Delea style right you know you're not wrong because you know like to show status in the Philippines the Chinese people that when Chinese people have kids they make them extra fat to show status yeah because they're well-fed Chinese people just no in the Philippines Phil Chai he's not Chinese though what are you are you Korean wait a minute what are you you were saying you but he said Ming dynasty right here's what's kind of fuck yeah I send you I

text you this voice well I asked for your help and you're like not even gonna respond you're very bad at returning text I have a few times I'm sitting here confused hey what's going on with my phone right now and it's like hey Bobby can you help me out not even a fucking hey man she needs you to put the papers back in them whatever I think I do I think I do remember this text now yeah and then I'm like hey what's going on with my phone nothing you can look in the mirror and convince yourself Tom that you're liberal that you're open that you're a future person yeah but no deep down inside yeah your old school I'm

old school yeah and you I've seen you look at me at the comedy star look at you yeah and and you want to say hey there's my flat-faced good friend or whatever right but comes out hey Bobby I don't say yeah yeah yeah yeah it is not me Paulie hey hey Bobby yeah that's better okay and but beneath it the tone right yeah is like back in Deadwood when you fucks used to go into the opium then remember we were working there yeah yeah right this way mr. Segura right you'd lay down yeah it's like a pipe in your mouth yeah that's how you treat me wow Jesus that's for first of all let me say this okay let me say this let me

say this all right okay I know yeah right that you're a likeable fella yeah I know oh yeah I have an audience or whatever right and I respect them yeah right but I see right fucking through it okay wow and what what do you what do you wow what do you I mean what what do you see I listen so don't do that you're gonna rip that arm okay so here's the deal dude here's what you see through it all it's it's like this it's like when dogs sense like a coyote that's a good example right babe because we walk our dogs right and sometimes I don't see the coyote right but then it's like my dogs will be like really extra attentive and go a while right but so you

know they can sense it right that's why I sense you you're like the coyote wow so danger danger like a racist kite you're saying that he's a racist yeah that's old white I think that's what I'm pretty much trying to say yeah I don't see you as an equal or a friend or anything like that no no you do I mean I feel like if I was in an internment camp in Japan yeah and I and I always judge my whites this way would they sneak me a sandwich underneath the fence at three in the morning and I think you would I want to cry I think you would thank you but you're saying but ultimately you know she would not bring I would bring you your favorite I'll tell you which was that sandwich when I think of you when I think of you bring Korean barbecue

like the the first thought I have when I think of you honestly is his paper is stuck in butter oh no like that that's right what is that it's just an Asian quote it's like an old quote from your act isn't it your own isn't that your act oh no why is that guy fucking a dog what's his real name I meant saying it wrong it's Nadav Nadav it's fine it's fine Israeli he's one of those close enough you know what I mean yeah what did you think he was racially two these are two for sure yeah you know yeah well like only Jews would do an ape Lincoln like cut with this beard you know I mean like he's living in the pioneer days I know about those days I've seen the movies yeah you're not a part of that because let me say this right now Nadav right in the pioneering

days back in the 17th 18th century in America they would have eaten you up alive in the forest my friend get that get that write that down as a tattoo or something your arm okay you were saying earlier but are you a therapy yet are you have you come you know you know what you're aggressive today I know I'm so sorry what's going on with him I bet you she's more attracted to you today yeah are you came in here you're fucking shoving people in the chest does that arouse you Kolela no because usually you can't get a word in right when he's this way but oh really but he I'll subdue him in a second just pat him the side of the belly see his calm again so it's like you have a pug you have like a yeah actually he breathes like once you have your

that's how he breathes normally does he snore he yes oh my god but he has like an emphysema kind of like high cholesterol type of breathing yeah for sure yeah yeah and then all I have so um I smell how tell him how I smell you actually he doesn't have my feet oh yeah if well we know about your feet we don't know what happened it's just it's just green and full of my left foot my left foot you know how Daniel Day Lewis did a movie called my left foot yeah they should do a remake with my foot it's green and full of it's not even that it's it's it's uh studio 54 but it's not that he doesn't want to fix it like it partied yeah yeah yeah it's a weathered you know he we have the medication that actually works for it but um when it started to work efficiently he wasn't into

that he wanted a hobby his left foot is his hobby he wants something to scratch at night he likes the itch he likes scratching the itch and the satisfaction from that feeling yeah is this for has this hold on has this replaced the glue behavior are we still getting naked and playing video games all of those things just that now the foot is the eighth hobby okay do you feel like I feel great you're a caretaker of some oh oh yeah you do yeah but I think I thrive in that role I am not somebody who does well with being doted on a lot I think it actually brings out all the bad parts in me it renders me sort of a bitch really yeah if the guy's like a baby I got you I can't do that wow I can't do you every day good mornings I love you you're the love of my life I

can't do that that's all I ask it's all I want from him pet me love me tell me how great but if you do you give it willingly and every day sparingly okay but that's that's morsels I get morsels of head scratchies and just like I love me kiss me love me and okay sometimes he gives and that's enough to get me to the next I get that I think that's why now we're getting to a point where he gives me so little of that but I I I ask for it yeah but she's the first girl want to make love oh god sex right yeah where I go do you want a warm towel because I'm not at all over her back a warm towel yeah because I do that with ladies come a gentleman yeah I'll go get like a dish rag or something how do you make it warm I put the heat on the faucet I have hot water oh you've

hot water in the house I'll strain it I'll give them that and then they can wipe their back or whatever right yeah but she's the first one that said no you want a warm towel she goes no I don't know first start you want to hold each other no first starters he doesn't have a very um far ejaculation trajectory all right it's it's you have never hold on one second you have never skied it on anyone's back not in a million years it kind of is this tiny little dollop that just weeps out of his dick and you know that's true I have old come I'm an old guy there's no there's none of that this is what the people want so so it basically is a sad drool it's yeah it's it just weeps out he goes and hasn't changed in the time doesn't make a noise by the way so that's

ridiculous like it's never made a noise a little bubble for how long is there a mass of it is there six years so he was 50 when you started dating I remember that and then so holy shit he lied on his tinder profile too he said he was 36 when he was actually 42 but you could wikipedia him and find out all the truth I think his birthday is wrong in his wikipedia too oh wow what's his like sexual strength oh tom you fucking bastard you know what my strengths are I bet I don't I am none you know for somebody who is really eccentric in real life he's actually he's a square kind of a square he's a square he's very he's a missionary type of guy okay look okay look at okay let me see something okay he just listen okay this is et's finger right okay it's been

she stuck this right in my anus that's awesome without asking with permission no permission no I felt like it wasn't asking no you weren't clear about what you're doing you're going choo choo or whatever making a noise I definitely asked okay I'm a woman we asked they went in there right and I'm not into it you're not into her I'm not into any like weird I don't want anything in my butt either but she's saying that you're just traditional you only like missionary what do you have you tried anything else in my life I've tried doggy with her try it off I did her legs are long oh that's right she has long legs right yeah so once you get to on her fores right yeah I can't get angles I can't right so what I have to do is do prison style and go lay on your stomach

right oh right lays on her stomach right yeah and I go and I sometimes I put my hand a hand around her mouth that she can still breathe she can still breathe through her that's fucking right he loved you do you say shit like shut the fuck yeah yeah yeah do you watch like wife murder movies before bed what do we watch I can okay I could write down well I can write down ask us let's play again ask us what our favorite tv show to making love is and we could write it down and we'll be the same thing really yeah let's do it wait when you do the mouth cover though you do the mouth cover do you say something fucked up wait what do you mean you're gonna ask her to write down and you here okay do I know this here here's another pen is this like the wedding game yeah the newlywed

game oh the newlywed game you guys fuck to a tv show yeah we talked to a tv show I didn't I didn't even know people did that we don't do that we turn the tv off yeah tv off and we we put musics on okay hold on yeah we show it at the same time okay okay all right I want you to get so this is the tv show you guys fuck to yeah you make every time this show every time go ahead okay let's see they both wrote my 600 pound life you really fucked to that yeah really what about it now when it starts do you start getting worked up no that's not what it is friend okay we don't know why yeah but it's it's just on over it's just

all over having sex every time it's just always on like in other rooms like is that on tlc yeah right that yeah I don't know who turned it we're fucking and it's on I'm sorry to do this but can we go back to the mouth grip do you whisper threats or anything and no we do no we do her her like scenarios like I'll start she's very good at it she's never taken an improv class and she knows how to add information yes and that's what she is yeah insects right so I'll go um yo lady I never met someone so hot at like a summer camp right and then she'll go add yeah and I'm the counselor and you're the five-year-old boy we do better than that five-year-old boy yeah come on it's a rough rough rough rough rough that's masturbating oh really

Rob we do a little bit better than that like we do like star-crossed lovers like he's he's an American soldier and I'm um you know I am an ISIS you know fighter yeah and then but I'm also a man so now we're gay lovers oh that's interesting yeah I'll switch I'll switch sexes oh wow that's great and do you peg or do you ever what's a peg man he's square I'm telling you he didn't like the finger no he doesn't like any of that he's a missionary he's a he's a church boy in that way in the bed yeah really not in my mouth yeah but my ideology yeah you're so eccentric wouldn't have all these crazy ideas and you're bouncing off the wall that word you know that word it's so funny that use that word what word and it's a word that I think it's a negative word oh I'm sorry

which one he's in centric eccentric eccentric why that's a flattering it's not because I've heard that like sometimes I'll see like a crazy dude and go you know what's that guy's story and some of that guy's eccentric no that's different like Oscar Wilde was eccentric I know which is you're you're an artist is that are you are you a centric no I'm very boring may I tell you something by the way yeah allow me to flatter you for a moment who we did a laugh factory show together about a month ago and I'm telling you man Bobby Lee went up before I had to follow him you're so funny you I don't know if you've just really come into your own is a comic or what it is all come together for you and I just feel like you're you have such a wonderful

presence now and the material and everything and you're just fantastic I was so I remember I came home and I was bragging oh my god Bobby Lee is so funny I mean you've always been but I think now as you've hit a stride we actually have a clip from that show I don't want to see this hilarious that actually kind of sounds like you so yeah she did she did come home and didn't I come home and say yes Bobby Lee is so goddamn funny but I saw him sitting there like almost he had to meditate to take the compliment that I wanted to snap him out of it yeah so funny and when the audience would go like they grown like he'd make a funny funny joke and then they grow and he'd go he'd go they're jokes jokes jokes what do you

say thank you thank you what do you say I don't know man go jokes jokes uncomfortable it's not that it's just that like so funny okay but you know I don't you know what I I realized that I do it not for that I don't think what do you do it for I do it so that um that I can be brave in the world really yeah because before I did stand up I couldn't talk to anybody I couldn't talk to like a cop look at my eyes I couldn't do it because I just authority figures and also white people I'm being real I was threatened by them and then um when I started to stand up I realized that I oh I can talk to women and authority figures now I've been doing it now though since I was 23 I did open mics at 23 you're 60 what now 64 40 here's

hmm oh yeah attack from both right for both people I got attacked but here's do you feel this though I want to feel good I want to feel I want to know if this is true do you process that like the reason that we feel comfortable saying that stuff to you is because of how much we adore you we love that or no I'm curious serious that's right right right like if we didn't like you or admire you or think you're funny we would just be like oh that's oh that is interesting yeah so but like do you don't do you get that like when people people feel comfortable comics love to fuck around and have a good time with you because they feel like your game and they love you no interesting you know it's it's like

it's like our do bullies in high school I bet you've asked a bully in high school see that nerd that you beat up is your friend he'd be like yeah he's my friend I'd be my buddy and the nerd would be like no that guy picks on me every day so that's how you feel about us wow I don't know have you seen the footage of you on the boat wow okay I'm gonna say this yeah I will answer your question about the boat right but I'm gonna say this and I'm gonna warn you and you're gonna play the boat all right but if it's not me in this footage this is if it's not me right and you play it and um for a laugh to make fun of my ethnicity whatever I'm not doing right I'm just saying it better fucking be me it's you it's all right I'm gonna play it because if it's not we're gonna

have a very big problem okay I was sent this and it says this is Bobby or no no no stop all right I have seen this this is great oh I've seen this I think oh you did okay go ahead what was your new year resolution that's you most people just talk about it are you going to make an effort a lot of people in America are wealthy filthy rich it's the next millionaires going to be tell me that's not you it is okay it is so wait are we it's my face it's my face okay yeah um yeah it is racist I'll tell you why I'll tell you why because you didn't make that right I did not make I know you didn't make it right that's like the account is on it's called the faking it right yeah yeah yeah yeah but you took it I was right off of the internet I was happy when I saw it okay but you're

about to get right and you said I can't wait to show this and for the Bobby yeah to humiliate him no no no it's a humiliate no why do you know you're right thank you I'm saying he's made them of me on I know he's a really talented guy uh he made them of me on Ralphie that was he also made me as aria stark right yeah so I'm fine yeah okay that's a very funny video what else do you say in this it's the easiest time to make a fortune in real estate in the 1990s if you know how to take advantage of the current opportunity a lot of people think there's a recession it's so funny it's a little crisis because this guy time to buy a lot of real estate and he's really so good at this though I know he's creepy he is but I grew up with him you did what

yeah in the late guy's name being this is something right okay then but he was one of the reasons why whenever you come up I would go into a deep depression because I was in high school when his infomercials were on and I knew that it's guys like him was the reasons why I wasn't getting laid oh because right like he just didn't yeah yeah it doesn't represent my kind of asian right right he's rich with it doesn't matter yeah but he's a nerd yeah he's not like a cool asian guy yeah he'd want to bang yeah it's when but there's not a lot of that representation right like who's a cool asian like in crazy rich asians that guy's hot the the love no i think steven steven youn's hot were you in the uh these walking dead big asian oh yeah he's cool come out lately

yeah are you're in always be my maybe no i mean i auditioned for it how about uh great you weren't in crazy rich asians i try to get an audition they wouldn't give me an audition they wouldn't give you an audition no you tell them who you were yeah listen it's funny that you bring this up because i've been very sorry i just make me laugh you're just silly you're just silly i know that's why it makes me laugh i can't even imagine what kalayla goes through like i want a documentary crew to follow her and like her dealing with you at the end of her life she should be gifted a solid gold statue yeah oh yeah that's it 20 i didn't i didn't finish okay 20 000 yeah right because i've never seen anyone endure the kind of fucking hell i put you know what i feel like

once somebody hangs out a little bit watches you two they pick up on that i think i think they pick up on that like she really has a heart of gold for you yeah she has such a like you guys have the perfect dynamic you're this eccentric wild he doesn't like that word i let it go i'll close my eyes i don't pick a different word squishy korean man with all the i like that's funny and uh and you have all kinds of crazy shit going on in your head and she's like it she's meant to be there to to bounce off of all of it puts you at ease you guys have like the perfect i think you're the perfect match i come from a really crazy family so he's not very far off from what i'm used to there you go so he gets along really well with them so when he goes back home to the philippines

with me it's they're all on the same level there's something about um when asians eat yeah right or they get together where white it's not it doesn't fit with what white people do like it there's an element of crazy yeah that i'm glad that she because i know her family and they have the same thing as my family my family you know there was always fights and people stabbing each other on crazy shit right her uncle killed her other uncle with a machete right so he got broad daylight and when bobby sees him for the first time in the airport because he gets nervous that he doesn't know what to say to my uncle carlo yeah he points at him like this and he goes you're my hero yeah yeah wait carlo's out he's out now carlo served 20 years he's out now and then he greeted us at the

airport with his machete no but he was wearing a rosary around his neck and like a wife beater don't fuck with that guy too and of course yeah and bobby got nervous did he kill his own brother yeah and broad daylight yeah he severed his spinal cord it was a money dispute money dispute yeah my family is fucking bad shit yeah carlo and your family allows him back into the fold um well he says that you know he's like over four he was an alcoholic then he no longer is we're all really just really afraid to not give him any kind of support because he knows where everyone lives so we sort of just uh you know keep the fire out now interesting because i love the show locked up abroad and i don't know have we ever seen a filipino prison before i don't know we saw a filipino

prison there's been a number of episodes in asia filipino prisons are wild i actually go on google searches a lot because they're they don't have individual um cells they're all just in one giant room piled up on top of each other the that's no good the conditions are really rough out there so if you end up in a filipino prison you're fucked carlo's seen some shit yeah carlo's yeah he survived oh there's a picture so he's he's a survivor oh my god yeah click one of them click one of them christ holy fuck man my life yeah how do you think you would do bobby in i would just feel punctures in my asshole every fucking every 10 seconds like you hear right and that's somebody fuck me in the ass some different person though because you're in a crowd you know what you'd

roll with it though i feel like i'd fall i would have the looses butthole in it would just be you know the actually it'll stick out like a tail like that has a tail no that's his ass holes and then they'd be like we're done fucking him you get over it yeah that's what it is yeah yeah i'm gonna be so loose they're not gonna feel any friction i'm gonna be like fuck yeah it's gonna be like a hallway right so then i'm gonna be like that that's a good idea it's a good idea get fucked a lot is no caller id don't pick up but who would that be i mean how the fuck are we supposed to know who does this is a cia people have you ever seen the filipino prison dancers that dance to michael jackson yes is that real yeah so now it's it's in my island actually and now it's a tourist

attraction so these guys just all dance not i mean they're just not regular dancers they're amazing dancers yes i've seen this before there's a still of it i when i was in the philippines i did a talent show do you guys know that well you know you put on a local judge yeah you judge we all right guys show some respect there's no good bro bro don't do that to yourself not only was it not good not only was it not good too yeah for a split second i'm like i might not want to be friends with this guy why that was so fucking sad what you did i know like because you can't tell sometimes you know but when i'm talking

right you're not getting interrupted it's gotta be a solid like yeah earthy i know no look i'm as disappointed as you should be so fucking embarrassed i'm embarrassed fuck you sir girl oh my god this probably fart in front of you oh yeah yeah yeah we were talking right before we went on mic that you're not an asian draw right yeah um so what do you think that is oh it's it's it's it's simple it's i feel like it's simple if you're if you're from any marginalized group and you're proficient good at that thing usually that group goes we're drawing you know i mean like the indian guy who's a good comic we'll start drawing indian if you're you know it's i think i think it's better to draw if i'm in like anywhere i sell tickets i know you do and

when it's when it's mostly like when it's mixed yeah those are the best shows it's it's it's better it's a feeling that i did what i set out to do i totally agree so when other asian comics like yeah i sold out in san francisco with you know 300 other asians in the audience yeah in my head i'm like yeah it's not something that i would why do you think that because i'll tell you why because there was an actor a Korean actor i'm not gonna say his name i want to so badly say it no something pack no that's not Korean actor and i i went up on stage this is probably 15 years ago i was at the store yeah and he came up to me goes you're a disgrace to our people what i tell you what was yeah this is a known actor yes and i go what he's like everything you he has a little accent

everything you do on stage is a disgrace and then he just walked away was tears well up on my eyes this is at at at a comedy show at the comedy store and he was he's not a comedian though no he's an actor i just said he just watched chan and then no he's pretty big though no he's not that big he's an iconic i could say jackie chan because you know i mean there's no way that he would ask you was it mr. Miyagi no fucking mr. Miyagi he's mean as fuck no it's no it's a way like a younger guy who it is that can't and you don't do that i won't because then i have i was about to say it and then what happens what then i have this fucking guy okay can i he said it he fucking said it fuck him by the way you're not a disgrace you're

you're i'm just saying that the reason why a lot of asians don't follow me or like me is because i am filthy yeah i'm not filthy i just i'm more american than i am korean and it comes out more so cal you know dirty skater kid than more than asian yeah you know and you think that's part of the reason why i mean it makes sense to me but i'm just well i used to do an act where um you know i cater to asians but i you know i it's just one day you know i just said just be yourself you know i just can't do this anymore so then why would this guy say this to you though he just saw you do one of your sets at the store he's a hater he's jealous i mean i mean i showed my pubes i you know i mean i talk about sex i you know i do crazy things right yeah and he was in the back

and he was like a traditional korean dude and he basically he said um you're a disgrace and he's an actor korean yeah we gotta figure and i'll tell you who it is you will in between break yeah okay yeah he's handsome too he's a famous korean actor and adopt google famous he's not that famous you're not gonna i first of all if you find i'll give you three guesses okay and if you guess it i'll be i get that's the guy you'll never guess it is it chow young fat you will never get no you think are it more american korean he's he lives in america although he does have an accent okay i was gonna say you did do an accent when you did and mr miyagi would be the obvious choice who would it be here no he died many many years ago he said younger i think too let's see who we have now i haven't

not actually heard my voice in the conversation for nearly three years now i feel like okay okay let me see let me see can you go back can you go back scroll scroll scroll okay those are all cute that's what i'm saying so like i thought like would actors united states south korea you said well no he just did uh i could go so what about daniel daniel kim i love daniel it's not him yeah yeah he didn't say to you no he doesn't have an accent these people are also young they're also young there too young yeah i know yes he has louis he's cool it's so funny i i you know keep going caron oh i love caron oh me too i just saw her was it mine to keep going no she's keep going jesus david chang babe where david chang right there yeah keep it going

that's it yeah is he on the page yeah you know it's sad i'm not even on there oh that's what you're looking for yeah oh my god you're not you're american they're all american i know all of those guys they all have a lot of them aren't yeah do you hang with them a lot just turn it off and let me be so sad let me turn it off it put me in depression turn the whole thing off turn it off turn it off turn it off turn it off turn it off turn it off please thank you pull that down oh my god how cute is john show he's good very cute he's cute as fuck i thought you would know when this is real

kalala how often do you have to talk bobby off of a ledge like a show business every day every day how do you do it though what do you do um i start with a real with jersey mike's mike's way or an italian regular sandwich um after that you know i actually um practice a lot of tough love with him because he's somebody who you know he he has he's an addict so he's very good at um how do i say not manipulating but um um bargaining um and he's he's very he's very talented at debating and all of that stuff so i i i'm actually pretty rough with him when i need to talk him off a ledge so for instance i imagine he's going through instagram and he sees that somebody got something that he wanted a movie role or a booking and i imagine that's how the spiral

begins like oh my god i can't believe so and so has the thing that i wanted so i start off by uh being nice you know i think you're equally as talented there's just a lane for everybody i start off doing that reasonable stuff and then it slowly graduates into don't be a pussy ass bitch get out there then okay you know like i i everyone stops and he knows that and we get into fights about it i don't want to see this okay the reason why i'm like that okay it's not because i have low self-esteem is i genuinely feel i'm i've never said this out loud before okay i generally feel that i'm the funniest one i believe that i i do i that's what's that's why the depression and me comparing myself yeah kicks in because i truly believe i'm probably not i'm not at all

i'm sure there's a billion asian dudes way funnier than me but i believe i am right right as you should by the way as you should but you are a hundred percent i agree with you but i agree too i agree with that i say i also will add that you are the laziest of the bunch there we go so it's a it's a really uh yeah there we go now if you know that that's the the issue nope you're not going to change that no no no i'll tell you why i know no no i'll tell you why sure yeah i thought about why i do it comedy and all that stuff and it boils down to a long time ago i guess when i started doing stand-up i thought if i can just do this and make this amount i could be happy right and so um i don't know what why my point was i was gonna i asked you well the question was if you know

that it's laziness that's the issue oh yeah that's in your control and that's in your control yeah so here's the thing is the whole reason why you're gonna break our mic arm i'm sorry i'm sorry i but whatever i'm gonna break your fucking arm if you break that can i finish my point yeah yeah yeah yeah forget it no no no tell us no so why aren't you so why why won't you stop being lazy if you know that's the problem i went into comedy thinking i don't want to do anything right like i don't want to show up and to work okay anywhere yeah so i go i thought oh you're you could just go up and the most an hour a night right and so um the reason why i did the comedy in the first place

is that i didn't have to work right so you so you don't want to start work yeah so yeah yeah so in the last whatever 20 years i've been doing it i put zero effort and look at i'm fine no everything's done yes you done well can i could i have could i have more yeah now wait can i ask you something yeah there's more to this point i'm not exaggerating when i say this okay the person who i am asked the most about this is for real true who like i'm out doing shows the person who i get asked the most about of when will they do a special is you okay so my congratulations people congratulations tom no i'm saying people ask me about it i get it do you have an answer for that no i don't you're not going to do one listen dude all right i'm not

going to grovel for a special i'm not asking and and and people want me to grovel and i'm gonna grovel why are you gonna grovel what have you had to grovel what are you talking about i'm asking like you're the one of the funniest guys working i'm not gonna fuck with your arm okay but you're i didn't touch it they're on i'm gonna i think i need a different angle though babe are you gonna fart on me no no i was gonna face them you want to fart mic no it's okay wait so when you when you like everybody just goes like oh i want to do that's the business side of it yeah some of that's out of your control you don't even want to do it could be your management you could be your agents aren't doing the right things i just want to say this is that um i've made the call before yeah

i've had people call to make inquiry inquiries inquiries yeah okay and the feedback is always in the realm of no so i don't know what else i don't i don't feel like this how come can i ask you another question yeah how come you don't see many asian people with down syndrome and now you're about i'm gonna answer it with the most racist thing because you're setting me up to say something racist racist i want to answer this to you right sometimes you can't tell with koreans okay we have the same amount as you white people it's just that sometimes you just can't okay and if you want me to say that you set me up right and so everyone listening right now yeah you know what you're doing wait what are you saying you're saying what i'm saying what kind of

what kind of people what koreans are are look like what they look like what down syndrome people right so basically here's how this is what happened right she wants to say that i don't want to say that i don't want to she can't so i don't want to say so that i say it and then she can go there we go you know they fuck you and fuck you hey man how paranoid you feel like in your head how often how often do you are all your thoughts basically white people are terrible yeah is that big because i feel like that's kind of what's i feel like he's a he grew up he's a white boy at heart in fact in fact i know this because when i first went to his house i was looking all over for a rice cooker he's the only Asian that doesn't own a rice cooker doesn't know how to cook rice he doesn't

even know the finger method he is not asian in that way but you're always going off about white people well yeah no no he's it's it's a it's a psychology one-on-one thing he comes in here and tells us we're racist because that's what he's thinking about he's the racist no that's interesting yeah you are all because you're thinking about it where i wasn't thinking about that body lesion today we got it we got an asian thing oh yeah koreans oh you are completely retarded it's true yeah it's true um you're right i think by saying white people all the time yeah it seems a little um 1990s you feel like yeah i do so um i'll make a new deal i won't say it as much that white people are terrible because at the end of the day i am i grew up in america i grew up in

the suburbs yeah in poway green valley yeah i went to painted rock elementary painted rock i went to twin peaks middle school and went to poway high um i had white friends black friends mexicans Filipino friends who are your favorites of the group well my dad made me a list of races best to worst yeah so i follow that you followed that let's start the bottom 100 who's the worst well the i already know well the the list only was 20 so i okay well the list was 20 from beginning what do you want to hear the word and i would say black people weren't even on the list so they were like 50 or something this i was gonna say right yeah yeah they're not on it

old school korean guy yeah black people are not on this list top 20 he's like what are you talking about it goes number one korean obviously yeah right even though they oppressed our country for 50 years and is japanese second second right right yes the third one is i'm not kidding you probably snake like it goes drastic to from humans to number three snake to animals yeah yeah to animals and then you'll go back to like mexicans and stuff okay wait a minute so hold on hold on number one the koreans to the japanese three snakes yeah four mud people i don't know maybe something broad like that and then where do white people fit in am i like eight eight okay seventh okay it's not bad you're you're definitely above filipinos wow oh yeah the top 20 the jungle

well i'm saying right now yeah have you said that before what jungle asians have i said it before yeah on on air just remark that people go crazy over that they don't i had to apologize what are you talking about what are you talking about dude i had to apologize rogan had me say that vietnamese i was just talking yeah and i said vietnamese were jungle asians yeah right and then the next thing i know i had to get a publicist to apologize to vietnamese news organization yeah that's not gonna happen that's not gonna happen no i feel like yeah but i'm not i'm not saying it like you're that i'm saying your dad's list obviously would be like if you go filipino's your dad's gonna go jungle asians yeah yeah he's gonna put yeah all them there yeah that's how i'm saying yeah and i but they love her

which is strange who does why is that strange because she's filipino yeah but she i mean she's great you're their son but you're also when i go to your house i spend five days just being your handyman yeah that's why they love me oh you're like my dad my dad's everything i fix everything i do everything i do coffee runs i'm my dad you know what about you who so who takes care of you my sister yeah yeah i have a really good support she's here she lives in the yeah she's actually the van nice um head nurse oh van nice jail head nurse she's a jail nurse yeah wow so she sees the the the best types of people in l.a and does she get along with bobby she does yeah she gets it oh she's like oh you always like these fat weirdos yeah i'm the i'm the i'm the first

no you weren't the first i know but i've seen your photos dude she she like if you like australian bane i may name them oh there's a guy named i named australian bane uh-huh so it's tom hardy but australian so i know like a bunch of male models right he's just a thick ass right i'm a is spanish professional soccer player oh wow what the fuck is that fact i can't you what i say i didn't you what did i say anything bad just now you didn't you no no i was gonna say it sounded fine an f word you look faggot get that can we just am i in trouble for that right now oh yeah no yeah our listeners are real social justice i remember that um that spanish player when i first started dating yeah and i first started

posting pictures of us together you know he didn't speak english that well right but he must have mustered up all the english he knew to ask me like if i was mentally okay wow yeah and then remember i showed you that right that's why i don't like to fucking fuck her and then here's another thing right she was telling me along so yeah and then what do you say about me on like instagram sorry he said something like is he the guy on hangover or something oh yeah i think might maybe i know he did say that he thought i was dr ken jong to shame me a little bit more i gotta ask you about the korean the korean actor off mic you gotta tell us who this is yeah and now you're really bothering me that i don't know who it is it's not he's not on that list he's like a level

below if you see cce louis and all these steven units i don't want you to google the list again though because i don't want my feelings hurt yeah what what hurts your feelings about the list well i just feel like you know here's what it is if you google top 100 korean actors or comedians in hollywood right they don't do that but i'm just saying if i'm not on that list using me i'm saying you get a feeling of like oh what did i you know yeah yeah like this is the first year i'm going to montreal you're going yeah i've never been what are you are you doing just your own show no i'm doing hosting a couple of dirty shows yeah and i'm doing a couple of like television and you've never been dude you're gonna have so much fun but that's my point are you going she

is gonna go you're gonna have a good time but that's my point and my point is is that and i don't want to sound like um i'm complaining you know or you know but um i never get invited to do the cool thing you know what i mean like there's movements and then i you always feel like you miss the boat on that hello yeah are you guys listening i am listening i just think can i tell you something and i'll tell you here's what i learned over the years you're right there are movements and then there's also agents and managers in the business side of things that you don't even know about and all that shit is just puppeteering yeah the backside i promise you i know what it is because i know and i've i've always said that what's happening at club level or street level when

it comes to comedy isn't necessarily what the business is happening in hollywood no right they don't they're not privy to what is really going on so then you have these middlemen like agents and stuff who like you know just you know they embellish their client or whatever to make them seal seeing there you go so you can't take that stuff personally right when you know it's like a business that makes no sense there's no rhyme or reason yeah you figure out long enough trying to find eventually it works kind of you're trying to look rationally at something yeah it's not out of your it's not in your control it's out of your control but without tagger bellie yeah i don't know what would have happened with regard with it just in general really i think that yeah

my podcast tagger bellie kind of reinvented you know my career you do it's huge it's such a good podcast and it's so fun yeah but i am so it's and it's one of those things where i never thought that i could ever do really even thought yeah it's her it's all her oh she's the one that did it i just set up the mics i didn't do anything yeah but i would have never done it are you amazed like when when you think back to just setting up the mics to what you got like the following and you see aren't you kind of amazed yeah i think that um but i always i wasn't surprised by you know how many people latched on to bobby just because he he had done any any podcast that i'd heard him on prior to that was just the greatest thing i'd ever heard so i knew that once i put a mic in front

of him and i knew it had to be at home because he wouldn't show up otherwise so it had to be six steps away from his bed yep and um the slap king man yeah and he had been talking about doing a podcast with somebody else for a really really long time eric riffin and um they just never got it together and and i was like well the only solution is if we put a mic next to his bed yeah and so i set that up it's been it's been um fruitful but here's the thing it's like i've never i used to do the road and dread it i used to dread the road because the people that would come out to see me were a mixed bag it was like some people that knew me from chelsea lately some mad tv i mean there was just a different variety of things but what tiger belly did is funnel it

right into a specific my real this is my real fan base and they know you and they love you for every i can make everything that you are not just an asian caricature that words inquiry inquiry if i mess up on inquiry i don't fear messing up a word like that because you know they just know that i just don't know much yeah it's wonderful the podcasting audience is so different they know everything about you and they love you despite it and they show up and they have such a good time i know it's like it's a miracle isn't it it's you know you you can you know it's like i was i'm not kidding you i was on a show for two years it got canceled and maybe one or two times somebody came out to me out of the blue one said i love you on spilling up together yeah tiger belly it's

20 times a day of course crazy yeah the reach is amazing so yeah let me ask you um did you uh i heard i saw something about andy dick being on your guys podcast was that a while it was a shit show what happened it's not a shit show baby it was a shit show well we talked about on our podcast it was a good show good show um he wants to protect feelings i was really disturbed that night and i hated that whole experience i do love andy a lot though i think he's a really kind man who's probably just wasn't doing well that day um but it's just he showed up unpredictable and yeah with with another person who i felt like was an enabler and and he showed up then 12 people showed up in our house and then people were in the bathroom doing whatever the fuck and i have animals

and they're like my kids i didn't like it it's when it's when he said i want to be political and friend i don't want to do what you do which is like everything was fine it wasn't fine it was a shit show i've never had a guest on on on my podcast say hey dude i have 12 people coming up oh no 12 they just got here no first he said i have a friend here and then like when george went to go collect the friend it was a whole bunch of people and they look like dead pools enemies and you've seen where we live it's a tiny tiny space they look like eastern european gangsters they just hung out in your in your apartment or your place like you know small that places but they're like we're just gonna stand here in the kitchen and then they were going in out of the bathroom because

she's like i think they're gonna steal stuff so we were looking into the living room i didn't say they were gonna steal stuff i was worried about my animals yeah and what did he say anything about like hey there's was he like i didn't know as many people were gonna be here i think he was just a little lost in the sauce that day he he's any dick is one of the funniest human beings on planet earth and he's a case where if he would have just got gigantic like time together sobriety time that he could have really reinvented his career right but he keeps slipping back into and i think because it is he's a really like gentle demeanor so i think people exploit that a lot they take advantage of him because he's he really is a sweet sweet man the sweet man so funny yeah he's very

fun yeah but well until we won't do that until he's sober again yeah but it was hard that is our nightmare is like dang dong and we're just expecting one person and then 12 people so up like in general that would make us crazy because we're sort of recluses yeah we're not really super social with a lot of people and even doing the podcast is you know he pays us around in his underwear for an hour before people arrive because he's nervous and the higher the underwear tucked or tucked in his shirt is his underwear the more nervous he is so um when 12 people show up and one of them was like hey i need some water oh yeah that's right i go oh i'm sorry you're parched who the fuck are you yeah in my house asking like demanding yeah and of course i get idiot i get

the good fiji water oh no i get the cold chilled fiji water i give him the whole thing about when that happened like hey you guys all got to go like you can't be here we were in the middle of recording oh i was looking over like this and we just sort of tried to not make a giant fuss about it because i just wanted it to be over with i didn't want another commotion because i do i i can i could have popped off i would have been like at the fuck out now but the podcast would have been over would have been over um and it's it's like it's surprising how sometimes you'll have a guest that like you think this is gonna be easy and it's difficult yeah you know where i've had guests where i would turn to kalayla and go i don't know what else because they don't add information right right

they just painful one they're like yeah that's true then you're like yeah yeah it's you got she's great at adding information oh yeah you guys are great team but you guys just you inherently have to know how to do that though right right and it dick is a guy that you know knows how to do it but when he's partying he's just not the same he's not as bright he's not as quick sure and he also goes on these weird like kind of psychotic tangents about something you know and he's helped here it sounds like he's there's a lot of there's a lot of there's a lot of there's a lot of comedians that need help you know do you guys openly talk about guests you don't like or do you just do it amongst each other we just do it amongst each other i said i love

yeah i i loved him i hated the guy sitting next to him oh yeah baby baby don't say it can i just say it i wanted to get it off my chest for so long he's the best and your friend you're welcome any just let it go and he was good fuck that other kid kalayla what was the kid's name i think his name is paris dylan and he kept crying about how his name was paris dylan was the exact same as a porn star and he was like she stole she stole my name because that's my real name and his real name actually was a french name and he was like trying to start beef with this porn star and i was like shut the fuck why are you even here yeah very strange that was his name you know what else is strange our clip today our opening clip was of this guy and he's in a he's in a bit of a

beef with dale and we don't know what the origin of it is but we want you to take a look and wait but before you do it can i ask the question real quick yes okay japanese are number one what's your question okay my question is this we're seeing a video yeah about what there's a guy there's a guy it's not an aging guy right and so do we comment is this kind of show where we comment yeah okay go ahead you can just say whatever you want okay but do i have to say something no i just want you to what i'm saying is that we watch this video and we go hey what's exactly happening here and we just like when people weigh in with us so this is the video okay there you go six weeks ago today i tore the quadricep tendons on both my legs and look at me i'm walking down

the street i'm walking now yes indeed i'm walking this point what you see is somebody that has obviously been in some type of horrific accident and he's showing you that he is on his way to recovery right yeah but yeah but okay okay keep going okay so this is where it turns so how long did it take you to walk dale dale boy talking to you how long did your wife have to go without sex after your car accident because i'm walking i'm ready to walk to north carolina and fuck your wife i mean nice little button on that it's quite a turn though right he's like i'm recovering i'm look look at me i'm walking i want to fuck your wife i mean yeah really what do we do we do do we know dale we don't know we don't know the story yeah it's not even done yet good

keep going okay look at me i'm walking there's my walker dale nice little stroll six weeks after my accident and i'm ready to fuck your little dick didn't work for fucking a year faggot he got serious with dale yeah what did dale do dale's his brother you think so i think so yeah yeah he's gonna fuck his brother's wife i feel like it's like the mountain hound kind of situation you guys watch game of thrones no they don't well why it's too late now i know but why we tried twice and i felt like it was lord of the rings times 10 and darker i'm like i can't do this i literally just started the pilot and i was like i saw a dragon i was like i'm out there's no dragon in the pilot all right episode two there's no dragon there's not there's no dragon in the first

fucking season i saw some shit with fire yeah but you know what i'm you know you're a fucking liar dad that's true it is true right you just looked at me and you lied right in my fucking face i did not i saw the pilot i saw the dragon i was like whatever with the white thing there's no dragon in the beginning you fuck and then it was like brah there's no brah oh fuck what if the other little fella doesn't let us live all right you know it's so fucking funny because you guys don't okay so basically what you're saying there's a lot of lps in that show too right what's an lp man little person yeah there's one i thought there's like 10 in the oh that's the most racist thing of sizes thing i've ever heard of my fucking life it's exhausting to act like they're gonna be regular

people in a show you know what i mean it's like give us i get it you're the court jester you know that oh you fuck peanut butter in your head you son of a bitch to fucking act like you're a regular actor and we're all gonna sign up for that shit i can't believe you're saying this loud note to the little people out there what are you talking about this is his opinion not bobby lee i agree though it's like it's like fat models too like like they're regular models or not they're fat models you know where you belong yeah do a fucking cartwheel get us something to drink holy fuck that's crazy that's crazy that's not true you can be an accountant and you know how to count and all that stuff there's no no midgets no there's no we're talking about midgets right i thought we were talking about

ations no really okay you're like they can be count i was like uh oh anyway why not so you don't you'll refuse to watch game of thrones yeah i mean until they recast all right can i say this i i i will move on i will move on from it i'm gonna say one thing and then we'll move on i'll never talk about it again okay okay uh with the arm god damn yeah it's it's here's the deal okay it's how he's at his show too though he's always i know he's a equipment right yeah that's you okay that is it do it do it do it say what i'm gonna say do tom do tom say it yeah yeah 100 accurate yeah here's and also we were gonna buy a house closer to where you live but we didn't why fall for your trap trap it's way to fuck out there don't say where we live i'm not gonna say

that's how i said that big house big yard i don't give up but we got a studio city we got a house oh you did get a house here we bought one yeah okay you did close last week yeah when do you move we have the keys now i don't i'm gonna wait to cut like three weeks you guys that's so exciting tell me about the house describe the house come on give us well all right but i'm not gonna forget about this game of thrones ran i'm about to do tell me the game of thrones ran and i'll ask you about the house nobody watches that show you know it's so silly you guys play the silly games huh what is it what do you mean you're playing the dum-dums what are you talking about what i'm saying is that you know when star wars in the late 70s when star wars was a big hit and you asked

somebody like have you seen star wars and they're like no i won't watch it there's there's dragons in it right you'd be like did you see it no that's not what i'm into it's a cultural event we tried it's a cultural two times we tried i tried twice to get into it and i was so fucking bored there was no fight fight fight fight you're right i know i'm right i i think it is a cultural event and i think it is uh something that people should make an attempt like if you're living in the current time is to be familiar with like the pop culture phenomenon that's why i'm on tech talk i'm curating the best videos are you guys on there whoa whoa hey julie i heard you're looking for me bitch here i go most importantly i have a question for you being that you are asian both of you

is it possible is it even physically possible to get full eating sushi the way we eat it yeah now okay here's what i'm here's here's what i'm struggling with so i've been sushi shamed we both have many times so many times by both chefs and servers where they're like that's too much food and i'm being polite by not doing their accent so they'll say like that's enough just do the accent yeah it feels more organic so that's too much food oh my god they've actually been like don't order this amount and i'm like all right and then like you know start like are you still hungry yeah okay i'll play you i'll play you play guy okay like because i don't know what you're saying okay excuse me ching chong um

hey hey ching chong nobody says that nobody that that that that that that that right chong there we go ching chong yeah um itching um ching chong ching chong ching chong so i get this number three the boat you know what i mean the boat with all the sushi on it how many fans come with you what did you even say i've ever heard my life what are you talking about we gotta get out of here that was dead oh my god that was crazy that was dead on do it again do it again come with you oh my god all right so yeah yeah all right so we did it so then a couple weeks ago i go to one

and it's always now you know i go i'm always gonna do this omakase and let them let the chef take me on a ride if you go to a good place yeah so i said i sat at the bar so i took out what you want the sugar fish or something no i want to uh straight up the best joint in town i'll tell you off mike so why can't you tell me the sushi restaurant i'm not trying to fucking ruin it all right so i go there the the guy fucking rides his bike to the fish market every morning at two in the morning he's a fucking you know so he he's like you know telling me giving me piece by piece describing it and then i'm like you know it's delicious and then it's like he's like full like you want more like yeah please a couple more pieces still like yeah dude i want like 40 more

pieces and then i feel like then we go out to dinner where uh we have we had a work dinner at another sushi place was another like authentic japanese place and i start ordering off the menu like four pieces of this six of this four because there's a group of us and the lady's like you should just do omakase and and let the because if you're gonna order this much i'm like oh okay then we each get like four separate trays of four oh and i like that it takes the fucking yeah 15 minutes in between each round of yeah four pieces and she's like good night and we're like um i thought that was the fucking warm up is is so obviously you say you go deep you eat a lot but is the etiquette is like authentic sushi eating supposed to be just here are some flavors or is

it supposed to be you can actually get full satisfied you know i mean is it like offensive literally to eat that much i think that maybe just in general japanese people don't eat like super large portions but when we eat sushi um we don't go by the rules we go to this place in little tokyo and we sit there and we when we haven't had enough the trick is start ordering hand rules yes yes we tried that with and we started but their hand rules were weenie but they were just like bullshit maybe just go to flood rockers um we we do both so we do that and then we when we're done with that we order more oh you do okay they never give us a hard time we we walk out of their full and i eat a lot of right don't answer anymore of his questions about sushi why it's

fucking dumb what are you talking about i'll tell you why right why can't you say this bye bye and they go bye bye you go i want another one to play it but can you order more no i'm telling you they say i'm telling you you they don't like to order they said no to us they're so so you order so they literally said no i'm sorry sorry sorry sorry yeah i just want to be clear right yes so yes this is what happened yeah so you know do you want more yes i do no is that what happened it's here's how i know here's how it and then i'll have another one of those and i had too much what you order too much and i go i know i want no she goes you order too much food it's too much food and we're like what too much food she wouldn't bring it to us then then with the

with the all-star what no i'm not no it's in redondo beach i will fucking give you the address then the all-star the all-star chef i'm telling you about the guy who's like unbelievable yeah literally he's like still hungry and i go yeah and he'll go like you know five minutes later he's like two pieces and then i'll eat them and he's like still hungry i'm like yeah man he gave me two more bites yeah and then he'll be like yeah one two and i eat them he's like did you ever see the dill hungry did you ever see the movie hero dreams of yes yes you have yes okay well then if you that's how he says good morning yeah no okay that's odd too okay sorry so anywho um you saw that movie yes that you know it's a it's an art sushi right yes right but we're in america

yeah i understand that i like a lot of all right well then go to fucking fud ruckers they don't make good sushi you fat white people can go wait there's your favorite for you all the time i don't i'm not ashamed of it i want to go to fud ruckers you like fud that's your that's my favorite place do you think i can go to fud ruckers be like you guys got spicy tuna rolls no and then maybe that's not for you though i know there's some foods for you would you go to this sushi place with me if i tell you it's as good as it gets if you embarrass me though it's end game how would i embarrass you by asking dumb things what am i gonna ask what am i gonna ask like what where's this fish from michigan and i don't know what your question is one of those i don't know

why is that i don't know is it a fancy looking place no because the place our favorite place is a hole in the wall this is only like 12 people we go to a place like ero dreams of sushi where that's what this is that's what this is where they they just make it can't be on your phone and can't add soy sauce here's the thing this place when you walk in you though your first thought is like i'm gonna get right that's what you think when you walk in there and then you're like holy shit this is a fucking dump man yeah like orange wall and then you know roaches on the serve you in this fucking dump and every bite is more amazing than the last one yeah and he's like in $400 you're like what do you spend the money on bro because it's not on decor it's not on anything

i mean it's like no alcohol even maybe it doesn't have maybe the fish is so fresh it's super fresh it is when there's one they serve you alive remember and you like moved around on your mouth have you guys seen old boy yeah okay we know when the the when the octopus yeah yeah yeah yeah hang on his face that's a great way are you guys by the way are you are you gonna get married we don't know okay what you're doing right now i don't know what you're doing you can't go from sushi to that okay all right let's just go to this now let me ask you a question now yeah quick answer i've never required it i've never really had great examples of marriage in my life so what right here right here that's not i mean true but in like in my own family oh yeah yeah so here's

what i want it's a house full of lies here's where you live okay here's what it's a house full of lies and i get it let me say i'm gonna ask you a question real quick though because i have i'm going through a problem i need your advice okay all right are you being sincere are you messing with me it's fucking fuck man what the fuck fucking fuck what i'm asking if you're being sincere i'm always sincere that's why when i all right okay i'm always sincere i'm a sincere guy take it easy all right please tell me the question what exactly sincere mean no what is that is it a real life question or it is so we're but we bought a house okay because i know you bought your house over there yeah i didn't say it okay okay now we know okay so we we need to get a lot of fucking

furniture yeah yeah right what did you do did you buy all of it at once or was it like a three-year thing like here's an ottoman that's i do you want the real answer yeah so i lived in so many places where you go like the fuck you you just end up walking into rooms and you're like oh i'll take care of this and then it's like a table and then one thing on you see the just blank walls and i'm like i don't know what i'm doing that we finally pulled the trigger and hired somebody an interior designer who comes and looks and basically consults with you on each room like how about this how about that and you make choices and the the truth is it took time to do all the room so you know you'd have your part like i need to get the living room in the kitchen done

but then over time over a year it takes a year a year of like and then how about this other room well we'll get to that room like that yeah so it took time because it's really stressing me out but that's the thing is you need to put that stress onto somebody else so you hire someone and just do the primary rooms your living room your bedroom your kitchen yeah kitchen three rooms you need the most and then worry about yeah and then take your time with the other ones if you have a guest room like dude you can do that right how many rooms are in the house just three it's not it's not a very big house they're very big one but we like what i loved about it is that when you walk in there's like the first floor would be the lobby of the podcast into the podcast room yeah and then when

you go upstairs it's where the kitchen and the master is so it's like it's separated what i don't like about now is that people just go through my apartment yeah it's too personal that's horrible yeah that's why we move the studio outside we move the studio we always go back but thank you for having us on okay i'm just trying to figure out just so i want to get certain things out because when i leave podcasts i always go i should have said that what do you want to say i love you both so much wow i do um i'll tell you why i didn't like you before yeah i didn't know you before right to tom yeah like when i first i honestly when i did when i did oddball they go who's i go who's in it they go sebastian and then they go um dang cook i go who else they go tom sugar i'm like

what you know but then when i saw you perform and the nice gesture you did for me i just know that this is gonna be a lifelong friendship so when you heard i was on it you get what that's what you're telling me you're like that no say it again ask me ask me again so when you heard i was on you were like what i like that like what am i doing on the lineup but what is great it's okay yeah that's what you tell me that's what it is claula can i ask you a really dumb question like it's so stupid you guys probably anything way loves me but i feel like i have to you do you ever um this is so dumb i know i have nightmares that i get tattoos like i have nightmares and then i can't get rid of it do you ever like go like oh i wish i hadn't

done that to my all the time i have really i have a tramp stamp on my back me too me too that i got when i was 16 and i took the design off a wall me too and i'm like yeah that dragon looks like something angelina jolly got yeah same here wait a minute and bobby's what's your trip bobby's spray in your back mine too it looks like the low and brow beer symbol i have to see it's i think mine too i have to see yours do we have the same tramp possibly it's a very popular dragon and the 90s we have a dragon too early 2000s for 2000 for me dude we might have the same tramp stamp yes in that case i don't want it gone right here um no are you wearing a tampon is that a maxi pad this is tag oh my when did you get that well what happened was what happened

was what happened was i met paulie shore in 1996 uh and he goes come to vegas with me so when i went to vegas with him i opened for him at the riviera how was it i only had five minutes of material oh my god but paulie had me open and it was me with wild willy parson's and paulie but i was i went to walk by a tattoo parlor and i go i saw a ladybug so i want that ladybug on my butt cheek i never had a tattoo and but then later i sat on it and smeared and it looked like a dingleberry it looked like a piece of poo that was like shooting out of my asshole if you had a certain angle so for years like women would say yeah i saw i thought you know that was a real piece of shit on your thing on your ass so then i put a star over it really yeah because it's the embarrassment

of people thinking that there was like a piece of little poo shooting out of my butthole that's not a good look do you ever do you ever did you ever shoot good loads because they seem to look they're really disappointing now like when you were a teenager like when you were younger did they have some distance to them like fuck her fuck you about the distance babe it's because let me say this let me say this okay let me say this and the quantity is it a little just a little dribble yeah but if you thick if you had a microscope that means he's dehydrated he's probably not drinking enough fluid yeah if you put my cum in a microscope and you looked at my cum i bet your money it's it's more like my parents than me what do you mean in terms of work ethic

you like i think me i'm just a lazy guy but my family like through generations we're hard working people yeah so if you looked at my cum they'd have like minor hats you know what i mean and they would be like we're ready to work you know you know but like you know so don't think that my cum is weak yeah it penetrated her shit oh gosh yeah yeah anyway are we good yeah i want to show you so one day when you really let that those soldiers work and do their thing if you're lucky it will end in a beautiful birth oh no i hate these water birds natural water in a jacuzzi and it feels so good the chlorine and fucking richard kazinsky will be there in the tub with you you

you imagine if you're uh just the neighbor and you don't know what's going on yeah i know she's giving birth yeah you're just hearing that you're like you know you know what it's really as time to move as the only person in the room that's given birth twice excuse me i'm offended you are no i mean really guys i mostly hate him i hate ever i hate all of these dudes the way that he's just looking at his fucking soda he's like he's like just have it already just have the baby see why people are fun bro why people are fun that could be your next girl you know i mean a nice white lady like that just like let's have this baby in the tub are we done with this i don't want to be supportive of

anyone's birthing process but that's a noxious no particular one in lame it doesn't have to be this crazy and it just doesn't you know there's hospitals there's drugs is there more there is more oh she's theatrical at this point yeah right this is for the gram of yeah that that right there really bought an asshole that part is performing she's yeah this shit is so painful there's no way it's remotely positive it's not i had a good time there it's fine can i ask you in this thing i hate them both we were just talking about selling panties is there a is there an actual graphic oh no that is that my thing i got you i thought somebody actually had one on there you were sitting about selling your panties online bobby oh like warren

panties i bet you could get some money you could get a premium for hers but i only wear i don't wear cute panties i wear granny 5000 you could probably still get even more i like him just above my belly button sell those have my period panties all day i love them both those would get even a higher upgrade but yeah be like be like today was today was that these are period panties and i was real farty today and they'll be like a thousand dollars yeah the dirtier and the nastier the better yeah oh i didn't know that don't want ratchet yeah yeah yeah just start starting instagram page called uh kalilah's granny pants and you just put pictures up and you go dm me for customs bobby's looking jealous what's going on give me a money idea it's great i actually order the old lady korean

panties online seriously or the filipino ones are so and ones they're really just really horrendous looking but they're the best to wear what do you like best about they kind of hold you in yeah and i don't like um um i don't like but lace i don't like any of that i like comfort i agree i like full flavored cotton yeah you know breathable material i even have the kind that catch a little bit of pee because every time i cough i pee a little yeah so that's kind of a neat thing there's period panties we tried those what are they they're just panties that absorb you can bleed in them i can't do that i can't do it either yeah it's a little ever signed up for anything like that by the way i feel like you have a a thing maybe where you're like i used to sign up where people would send me

their arm armpit trimmings or something you're nasty you've signed up for like a panty subscription nothing soiled underwear it's so funny that you say things like this you enjoy smells you probably enjoy your own smells yeah i'm probably um the most christian person you know really yeah my foundation is um midwest for sure okay so um whatever you're asking me right now it's not it's it's a house not built on sand but you look smelly like i feel like you're smelly because i'm gonna say this i spent how much money do i spend i spend so much money on cologne you do yeah i go to son i go to la lavo to get son tell 33 you it's really weird about his armpits he doesn't naturally have any body odor that's exactly what i'm saying but but he does it's more of a

scratch and sniff situation where if you were to smell it directly you'd smell nothing but if you were to scratch it scratch it the amount of smell that comes out how much smell a lot it smells like yeah if you scratch any living being another blood's gonna come out and that's gonna smell no no blood doesn't smell like that like right out the gate to his balls smell bad i think they would i just don't think he's a great wiper yeah wait are you doused cologne all the time mm-hmm wait what i just like smells he doesn't he wants to smell like the future soo he goes for sense that smell like a greek church i like are they nice smells and it needs it needs to be like it's gonna be like what smells so weird but here's that's a better compliment than for me

for you yeah then then you smell great and somebody smells great yeah you want what is that smell yeah i'd rather hear that yeah now do you you don't want your lady to be like that's a i don't give a fuck about her nose but the thing is i love her as a person though but you don't want her to be like god that smells good she already loves it she loves my thermos i don't have a choice but what's your okay so what's the cologne is it a expensive cologne like i'll dude i'm telling you right now i don't know anything about you don't ever do lalabo i don't i don't know what the lalabo smells good he goes to the um santa maria novella what's that go there too it's it's a it's a cologne shop and they have some really hardcore scents that smell just like wood burning like

what's burning oh it's bobby that where is that yeah that's neat there's one in melrose that's one like a that's a spanish is this like this is like the the cologne spot of course lobo's what's it called this okay santa maria novella or no or lalabo i think lalabo is cool because la la maybe why are you holding on my finger like that but i like the idea of like smelling like burning wood like i i love those smells more than i do traditional there's two different stores you named yes i want to go with you can i go with you oh i'd love to go to lalabo i'll buy you something too yeah they don't have a lot of fragrant things they just have they have things that smell like other things okay so my friend kelly cole he used to own a clothing store

on fairfax one day he was walking to lebrea and i go i smelled him and i go were you in a fire he goes no you smell like you're you were in a fire you go on the lobo and they wouldn't got it yeah and you love it i love it that's cool but you know what you know i stopped you know why i stopped though because that little weasel tony hanscliffe yeah what's his name tony hanscliffe yeah hanscliffe yeah that fucker asked me he went up i didn't think he could afford it but then he afforded it he could afford it and he was smelling lalabo and then i stopped wearing it because i didn't want to smell like him yeah but lalabo's gotten very popular in the last two years i'm not really into that did you like it when he smelled like that yeah i actually

that tony hanscliffe yeah if you know like a zombie apocalypse you don't want him on your team no he's a kind of a guy that will stab you in the back whoa he'll steal your food whoa right he's not good with rash are you being serious what do you mean okay we can't we can't just sit here and rag on he's not here to defend himself i'm just kidding i love him oh i thought you'd be serious jesus um i love starting war let's do this look at this check this out more this is at the grocery store look at this she's just pissed yo this nasty motherfucker why it's a girl you jesus christ it's a girl yeah she's actually pretty

she just pissed all over the ground she doesn't look like homeless now but she the eyes crazy definitely crazy but this is what my sister deals with every day of her life what do you oh and as a jail nurse and she's the head nurse there she just gets fecal smears doing art and if they want different like color gradients in the art they'll pick different parts of their poo she was as green and yellow tell them what i've done tell them what i've done what have you done with poo yeah you shouldn't the backseat and i have to clean it that not only that but at work what i used to do what at mad but mad tv wait you've done all kinds of shit art what what are you when i said you sit in dickless but you shouldn't people's you know property that's just what you

do wait what what you shit in the backseat of your car yeah yeah he he didn't want to actually crawl out of the car because he said that would be too embarrassing so he decided that the backseat was adequate and my friend Jenna and i had to clean it this guy's this guy's mr missionary what is going on the guy that shits in the backseat of the car what is going on i also pooed in um my boss's um office how did he feel about that you couldn't they couldn't fire me why because i was popular at mad tv at the time he knows that you did it immediately yeah he saw me he saw you shit in his office what's with the acting out you need to see a shrink you got to get the therapy you're acting out he is you know what i never thought of it as that i and but you're right

it is acting out i always just thought it was like p.m being an exhibitionist like a toddler yeah and especially to shit and knowing that your your lady's gonna clean up your browns i mean that is just so nasty you know that she loves you that's why are you trying to push her away okay yeah here's a deal why are you trying to revolt her and and disgust the time i shit in my in the backseat was four months ago okay this is what happened four months five o'clock on a friday you're a 60 year old man you can do better than that five o'clock on a friday right i'm on the 101 and it's congested yeah right and i had a 911 and you're a shit emergency both driving down there no i was by myself okay okay okay no what does one do pull over and find a place to shit you're in the middle

of the 101 yeah and it's friday five o'clock on a friday i could i oh like it it was one of those situations like i'm gonna go in the next 20 seconds no matter what happens it's logistically it doesn't make sense because if you have time to pull over and crawl into the backseat you you have time to step out of the car and silly you could have pulled to the side and then out of the car real crazy move yeah did you have diarrhea yeah no no no no that's the thing christina it wasn't diarrhea so i know it wasn't it wasn't that urgent why would i it wasn't that urgent because it was still semi-solid mostly solid my diarrhea is notoriously and semi-solid why are you acting out what's going on what is that the log is on the ground oh no it's on the actual passenger seat

i mean i mean what why did she have to clean it why couldn't you clean leather what is it it's cloth but but why doesn't it's right that doesn't put like something on the seat no see his dad used to at least put a plate if you bring my dad into the shit your dad my dad's a good man he worked hard i believe you okay but he's shit in the car too he has a problem but on a plate right a baby shut the fuck up all right my dad had a stroke no but this is alone yeah when he was healthy used to do wild things like shit in cars whatever man on plates a fuck it all right i'm vulnerable in front of you right now why does she have to clean it why wouldn't it why but why let me ask you it's one thing to shit in your car it's one thing

to shit in your car but wouldn't you be so embarrassed so listen if i had to shit in my car i would be so full of shame that i would find a place to hide i would pull over and i would clean it up secretly i would not go hey tom come clean up my shit that's crazy that's crazy that's crazier to be the shitting in your car you told her hey there's a log in the car yeah you clean it up it's crazy you're out of your fucking mind yeah one day are you are you yeah shift for years yeah airy shafer is what okay you gotta lean back bobby the camera can't see where is it lean back it's over here so is that good yeah it's probably better yeah he he shit um on my car in the handle why did he do that in the handle on the windshield wipers right he put a little

bit on the windshield all right thanks for coming it's been really neat wait i want to know why did he do that what prompted that no why are you making her clean up your browns i don't want to hear about arie why are you making your lady do you please tell me why arie did that to you because i peed on his but that's not that that's not that's not the proper response it's not equal it's like you know it's like you know the japanese attack pearl harbour right right and then hero shima nagasaki i mean it's just a little drastic it's it's yeah it's called am i not right it's called escalator yeah that was way like you know maybe one nagasaki would have been cool yeah but you don't destroy two cities right because you killed 300 america so it's fine

what they did was wrong and they read the situation wrong the japanese should know better okay yeah but what i'm saying is is that pee and poo are completely different ballgames all right i hear you and also on top of that just a real quicker because i know this is the end okay well poo is to ask another adult to clean up adult poo it's it's ridiculous okay it's not even an ask not an ask wait no no no i gotta just say something it's not an ask bro let's let's do this let's do this wait a minute what no no no no what i take us through wait wait you have the emergency and you go we we're past that do you now on your way home go you're gonna have to help me when i get home or do you wait till you get home and say coli like okay out in the car like take us coli like also

coli has also seen me do it she's seen me run across to a street to a house and i shit on who on somebody's what magnolia magnolia's okay good so there's a fact another fact all right i did do that because i had diarrhea again okay so what i'm saying is is that when i had to shift i don't have the proper maybe the muscles deteriorated through time okay that's fine listen you should you should we got that part i'm not i'm not upset about back to christina's point how do you wait till you get home till you see her to let her know the situation or have you called so when i came up that day with the but in the backseat i was covered in shit because of all of my jeans it was right no you called me i know i called you i know i called you and what do you say and he was like

something terrible has happened but he's also giggling so he's really really bad tapping but he's like holding back just laughter i'm like oh no i already know i already know what's happened it's life because that wasn't the first life has happened before right so you knew when one door closes many over can i be completely i have a theory about him sure no no look how long let's tell the theory because she's she's the voice of reason i honestly think in a different life he would have been um a scat um porn actor he would have been that that that german guy who just eats poo out of someone's ass yeah he's he has a poo fascination so and i think that it runs deep in his family i think his his brother has a when you're gonna bring my family into it now lady

your dad shit all right my dad has stroke wait when he was healthy why did he shit on plates he didn't show because he was more considerate than this asshole shit on a plate in his car no at work like a paper plate like he wouldn't shit on the actual backseat he would find a paper plate to shit on and dispose of the paper plate why would he do that as opposed why would he do that as opposed to the as a random my my my my my dad my dad used to own fashion gal okay where's fashion gal there was one in insinidas okay clothing stores all over the country this is before forever 21 became a thing i'm familiar with fashion is that possible it is possible san fernando valley was a location yes growing up yeah okay and in fact i just did a

job where a woman was a she was makeup right and she goes i grew up in san diego where she goes insinidas like all my parents had a store in insinidas she goes your parents own fashion gal i go yeah because your dad fired me in two days accused me of stealing a thousands of i go that's my dad that's him where was he why was he shitting on a plate because toward the end of my dad's working life yeah he used to have employees but he couldn't afford it anymore so um he owned a clothing store that he was only don't do that don't smile like i'm just getting vulnerable i'm sorry don't do that right now i didn't know if you were doing a thing no no i'm really vulnerable oh i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i didn't know if

you i know what i know but when i'm vulnerable i didn't mean to no no no when i'm vulnerable you're smirking i didn't mean to honestly that's that pisses me off i wasn't trying he does it all the time sorry i just finished it without you smirking yes yes yes so my dad um he worked so hard and couldn't afford you know employees anymore so you know he couldn't walk away from the register so he's just shit on a plate you're being serious yeah he is really the yeah how hang on that's not so he's in fashion gal in the hold on he's in fashion gal it's two in the afternoon and there's customers walking and he says i can't walk i can't close the doors and lock it for a minute and go in the back and shit i'm gonna let the customers looking here and i'm gonna shit

it's so funny that you say that it doesn't even make sense it doesn't make any sense because i'm going to tell you do you know all right that's interesting that you would say that because do you know what with the layout of fashion gal my dad store was because you're making an assumption that there was a bathroom in the warehouse or behind behind why wouldn't you build a toilet so his employees and him could take a shit there i mean it's silly it's silly because my dad doesn't own i've worked retail in small stores and there was a toilet let me say something okay let's say you open up a store at a mall right and there's no toilet in the building you got to sit back you've got to lean back the camera can't see you maniac right so don't do that it happened

like that shit on a plate okay all right this doesn't get to the the core of why do you expect kalai to clean your browns what about that behavior think about it why do you want the woman you're sexually active with to clean up your sloppy diarrhea browns maybe i enable him i think that's part part of my fault wow see she she blames herself how'd you do that fucking wizardry you got her to blame herself for having to clean up your brown it's her fault yeah all of it you guys don't do that therapy therapy all right anyway what's amazing is there any new horrible hilarious or no or is it all the other one because it's on the list how long let me ask what how long does this go for we're about to we're wrapping up right now

sorry oh yeah check this out watch this tell me if you think this is horrible or hilarious okay this is supreme this guy if you don't if you're listening there's a guy standing on like his back patio and then there's bald up barb wire on the ground in front of him it looks like he's gonna do some type of jackass move here go ahead okay this is supreme teacher today we jump onto barb wire this is for juggalos and juggalites don't try this at home i hope you like it okay oh shirt off oh this shit i think it's funny because it's a juggalo and they're apparently not bright i mean someone doing it to themself which is yeah it's voluntary dummy it's not someone threw him into it is that

where it ends jesus it's really dumb that guy's vote counts as much as mine yeah isn't that crazy he makes it that's the real crazy party that at some we're on an equal level playing field in america and i'll just make this point for you i'll make the point for you it's a white guy stupid so you vote that's why we the voting i don't think democracy is working i think we need a philosopher is another one no you know i think we just gotta get rid of electoral college but that's my opinion yeah anyway um was really a dandy to be here great do you have any shows coming up you want to plug when it's gonna come out of Wisconsin oh madison are you ever been there before it's fun it's really fun so i'm yeah i'm on comedy comedy at state comedy comedy i don't know what

it's called but um i'm gonna be in madison this weekend is this come out this week uh no next comes out next week with my anywhere next week um next week you are in i actually i'm not sure i don't go anywhere next week what's your website bobby lee live dot com bobby lee let's pull it up live i want to make sure uh your website is down your website's down bro it's not god you know is it babe that's not okay and let's pull up to your body no so where is he oh ontario i said ontario the tempium problems in may so you've got your may dates up that's good okay madison yes and then ontario california so that's the one and then you're doing comedy works love that room which is an elinor carragans with you she's great yeah elinor's great and then you're gonna be in oxnard

yeah i live there live which is great uh laugh out loud i did that was tough and then arlington draft again okay oh maha nebresca funny bone braya funny these are all great yeah so uh go to bobby lee live get tickets now go see him he's an amazing hilarious comedian and i thought tonight today's podcast went fine i thought it was good i thought it was good chemistry and good energy do you want us to go out on the asian song or yeah yeah yeah ching chong ching chong that one you want to fuck with my my that one yeah there's two of them oh what's over well because there's one that somebody made chong ching chong this chong ching chong i like that one the other one you want to fuck with my money this is real it's just like ghetto um hood asian lady who says crazy

shit um and somebody made songs from her saying it so if that's the right one then we'll do that one um bobby lee you can see him on tour you can check out the amazing um taggerbelly podcast taggerbelly podcast this is the girl by the way my girlfriend khalilah with khalilah which is khalilah and me this is the origin of the song just so you know where it's coming from ain't shit without them eyelashes on that makeup one i bitch wear i'm still cute as shit get the fuck out of here i might look a little bit more ching chong ching chong don't get me fucked up bitch i'm still hood as shit and we'll fuck your ass up okay you want to fuck with my money huh you want to fuck with my money that's an asian person now you know

is this is her oh really play it is that the same clip with my money holy shit i haven't seen the clip in i don't know how many years years that's her ain't shit without them eyelashes on that makeup one i bitch wear i'm still cute as shit get the fuck out of here i might look a little bit more ching chong ching chong don't get me fucked up bitch i'm still hood as shit and we'll fuck your ass up okay you want to fuck with my money huh you want to fuck with my money there you go dude why don't you do that on stage oh my god my god i hate that lady you do yeah i just come from a different stock what do you mean yeah she's Vietnamese no that's

the one i'm sorry what'd you go try to do that i thought that's what you meant i just want to say that i come from a different stock you're much better than her that's not what i'm saying we're all equal we're all you know we're not your dad made a list we're not there's fucking little people out there we're not all equal that's true you're right i mean i'll go i will go with you on that one i'll start a war with you i'm an adult man i should on a plate when i have to go because when i see brad williams yeah i secretly laugh behind his back Jesus man oh my god i love brad oh i have some uh off my questions for you i'll get it away you're kidding yeah we're done rolling so who's the korean guy yeah all right but if you air this no no no you can't do it sorry

so then you lied you lied you know what what's happened to you used to be so cool tiger belly featuring kalayla and her lie like that kalayla and her friend bobby um he wouldn't have cared what are you guys gonna come back to us hold on i'm i love your podcast it's the best you were great today kalayla is always a winner guys i think she shows up she looks great she sounds great she's great input she's funny she's engaging thank you she really is she dresses cool i know you are smelly you're smelly whatever weird wake up man when he's down your gross kind of ruin our equipment disgusting no one likes you all right yeah he's a project human so i like he's a fixer upper yes you like a shelter

dog when can we come back when can we come back to tiger yeah anytime ooh in our new our new place yeah we're gonna do it our new place you are we can have the both of you on yeah love it yeah would love it you let it let us get it set up um i want you i want to honestly thank you for having me on your podcast i really appreciate it i love you i think you're i really honest no i'm being real i know i when i see you yeah you're so ridiculous forget it tell me that's you're ridiculous i love you bobby lee we love you stop just tell me what you're better this way tell me what you're gonna all right when i see when you see me yeah tell me i uh my heart flutters oh i get heart pop on lotations that makes me feel good i honestly think that you are um

probably you're very funny thanks but you're also kind hearted guy thank you and i think that um you and bill burr you guys are the future wow very nice future of racist white comedian why you've taken it there you've ruined the whole thing what you mentioned hurt i like him too where we differ yeah vaughn's good too anyway bye bye bye mommy's do you want to hear the song it's a good song listen to it listen to it you didn't wait for the bass to drop come on listen it's a good song though right oh i'm a bad mother because i make crazy ass videos

so whatever come on little side bitch let's go get you some self-respect and dignity and a life you're taking the wrong