Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 506-Amanda Cerny & Steve Byrne-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: July 3, 2019

ATTN: We here at YMH Studios would like to apologize on behalf of the entire production team for the error in the Intros length. We will strive henceforth to be diligent in providing what is required in terms of Intro expectations. We appreciate your patience as we look to rectify this situation going forward. A lively debate about who the "fan champ" is starts off the show before we do another dive into Christina's TikTok feed. What is everyone's "sneeze limit?" Christina also continues her evolution as she has recently discovered pop music. Plus, Tom discusses his recent stance on Comedy Club pay for openers in 2019. Amanda Cerny has had a whirlwind last few years. The Mommies get the skinny on Hef and the Playboy Mansion, show Amanda some TikTok studs and try to get Amanda to join the ever-growing "Second Hand Panty" industry with them. She's the best and we hope you like her as much as we liked terrifying her! Next, we have on Steve Byrne who has created an incredible documentary called "Simply Amazing" all about The Amazing Jonathan. You can watch it on youtube right now on the All Things Comedy YouTube channel! Steve talks about how The Amazing Jonathan came into his life, his time making Sullivan and Son and we see if he finds certain videos "Horrible or Hilarious."

All right, Gene, you have a big announcement you have to insert into the episode. It's so major, so my brand new podcast, Where My Moms At, is premiering July 8th on YouTube, on the iTunes, everywhere you can get podcasts. It is a mom-driven podcast. I'm getting comments, videos, questions from mom listeners, and now by the way, dads can be moms too. Well, you got a lot of dads writing it. A lot of dads.

So I don't see gender, and I'm going to cover all things mom my way, so it's not going to be, you know, lame. But it's important to know which channels are going to be on. It's going to be on my channel, the Christina P. channel. That's what I'm saying. That's where it's going to be on the YouTubes, because this is a little different than YMH. All right. So try it out.

Check it out. All right, review and subscribe. Also, this allowed us to mention that the store is having a sale July 3rd through 7th. If you want anything in the store, 20% off, go merchmethod.com slash Tom Segura and use the promo code YMH4July, YMH the number 4 July. And finally, this is great news for our very near and dear to our hearts, Josh Potter. A lot of you know that he had put a show up for sale in the rendezvous in Seattle. September 5th.

Well, it sold out immediately. So instead of adding a show, they just moved him to a bigger venue. So you can go see Josh at Chop Suey now, September 5th. Anybody with tickets, you can go to the, still go to the show over at Chop Suey. If you want tickets, get them. Go to Josh Potter's Twitter page. That's J underscore Potter, and he has the link right there. It is September 5th.

That's going to be at Chop Suey now. Very, very good news for Josh. Oh, Gene, also you may want to mention that merch sale is between July 3rd and 7th. I did. Did we say that? Yeah. Okay, just reiterating. Yeah, yeah.

July 3rd. You get your 20% off. You get your 20% off. There you go. There you go. I said all that, guys. Okay. Okay.

McDonald's. Cheeseburgers. McDonald's. Layafish. McDonald's. Chicken Nuggets. McDonald's. McDonald's.

McDonald's. You got a McDonald's, nigga? Burger. Burger. Layafish. Burger. Burger. Chicken Nuggets.

McDonald's. Cheeseburgers. McDonald's. Layafish. So good. It's so good. Thanks, McDonald's. Thank you, McDonald's.

Is it happy meal for a boy or a girl? Yeah, what's up with that? Why don't you pick your own pro now? And the nuggets? I love the nuggets. Who's watching your video? Many, many friends with us. Many, many friends with us.

Many, many friends with us. French fries. You got a McDonald's, nigga? Burger. Burger. Burger. Layafish. Burger.

Burger. Layafish. McDonald's. Go hardcore. It's even better. How does $2.3 million sound? Burger. Burger.

Burger. Layafish. Burger. Burger. I like these fries. McDonald's. Cheeseburgers. McDonald's.

Layafish. Thanks, McDonald's. It's delicious. I can't remember the last time I had a Layafish, but it's fantastic. Oh, fuck yeah. Thank you, McDonald's. I think Fart Simpson made that. Yeah.

Yeah. It's pretty impressive. Here's the instrumentalist's boat. It's produced by Felonies. All right. I'll take it. Thank you. Always, as always, you can submit your instrumental tracks or your songs about whatever.

You can send them to yourmomspodcast at gmail.com, yourmomspodcastatgmail.com, and you guys will find it, right? You go through there. Yep. I find all of them. You find them all. All right. Thank you very much, everybody that came out in Tulsa, Wichita, Kansas City.

My next, I have some time off here at home, but then I go out in July. I'm going to Appleton, Wisconsin, Rockford, Illinois, Peoria, Illinois, Cedar Rapids, Iowa, and Evansville. Very much looking forward to that. The great Josh Potter is joining me on those shows. Also, shortly thereafter, I will be in Albany, I'll be at Foxwoods and Hampton Beach, Burlington, and then I go to Canada, and I have added shows in Toronto, Winnipeg, and Vancouver. Those are all in August.

I added, most recently, I added another show in Austin, Texas, on November 17th. That one's at the Paramount. The day before, I'm shooting at the ACL. Oh, my life. It's coming up. Coming up, man. Very excited about it. Thank you very much, TomSugarra.com, slash, tour for tickets.

Farts? Farts, thank you, everybody who came out to the DC Improv. What fantastic shows. The Rider-Dyed Tour continues August 2nd and 3rd in Salt Lake City, Utah, September 5th, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, September 6th, Chicago, Illinois, September 7th, Boston, and then October, Nashville, November, Seattle, and then November 23rd, Portland. Have you ever done Wise Guys in Utah? Yeah.

It's amazing. It's a great crowd. I love, and I love the audiences. It's one of the best clubs. Yeah. They're so fun. They're really nice. Nice people.

Yeah, sorry. Yeah, get your tickets there. Also, check out my two Netflix specials if you have not, Mother Inferior and the Degenerates. Christina P. Oh, I've been waiting for this for so long. There's a lot to get into. Man. We have a loaded show.

So excited. We have the man, the biggest Instagram celebrity that I know of coming up, plus a great comedian and director. Correct? All on this episode. All right. And award-winning content like this. Let's start the show.

Hey, y'all. I got four pennies. One, two, three, four. Beat him. No one can not catch it. Throw it up and catch all of them at one time. Ah! I did.

What's up? Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:42,720 Oh, shit. That was awesome. Hold on. What folder did you take that out of? The folder marked today's episode? Shit. Uh. That was awesome.

Sorry. I put the wrong one in there, man. I'm sorry. No. That sounded perfect to me. That's how long the intro should be. That was fantastic. Thank you.

Uh. Why did you do that? It was an accident. Like, we had a couple short versions from last week and I guess this one just kind of bled over. I don't even get the regular version anymore. I don't think it's on the laptop that you have right now. You don't think I want the regular version even?

I know you do. I just fucked up, man. I'm sorry. I'm happy with it. So you don't even want an intro anymore? Well, I like the short one. We got the gist. Did you hear that?

That wasn't even... Let me hear it again. It doesn't even say the name of the show. I know. Who was Randy? I would have liked to who was Randy. Don't forget when it's mine. Well, that's what I'm saying.

Yeah. That's three seconds? Well, you need the... Your mom is in the fucking stands. Yeah, that has nothing in it. That's your mom's... Yeah, we'll go back to that. Isn't that a little aggressively in the other direction?

No, I know. But it was nice that it was short. You want it to be a three-second intro from now on? No, I want the three things. I want... Don't bring anyone's mother into this. Your mom is in the fucking stands. Who is Randy?

Who is Randy? And then that's it. That's enough. That's it. I think. Not even the name of the show, not us. It's fine. They know what they're listening to.

They've downloaded it. They got it. By the way, there's a ridiculous petition going around. Have you seen this? Yeah, it's got well over 5,000 signatures for 10-minute plus intros. Yeah. You seen that? It's on change.org.

Yeah. Only 95,000 more signatures, and I think the president used to respond to it. Is that right? That's amazing. It's a change.org petition. I think Chase started it. How hilarious. He, yeah, put it up there.

It's basically to show support for me and to spit in Christina's face that the intro is way too short and that people want a longer intro. But that doesn't mean we have to respect the petition. I do. I respect what the listeners are... How many signatures do you require to make it a 10-minute intro? It's ridiculous. Well, I think if, okay, let me ask you this.

I mean, just be reasonable. What do you think if 25,000 people signed it that you'd be like, all right, we'll do one 10-minute intro? Yeah. That's an inadequate number, yeah. Okay. Well, now we know with the amount of people that download this, the average views, if you really want, you heard it, if you really want the 10-minute plus intro, if you sign

the document, if you sign the change.org petition and we get 25,000 signatures, you'll agree that we can do a 10-minute intro. Yeah, but here's the deal, man. Everybody thinks it's a ha-ha funny idea, 10-minute ha-ha hour-long intro song. So it's a three-hour intro. Nobody's going to listen to it though. They like the funny ha-ha, but the actual bit is not going to be funny. I agree, okay, I agree that audio only, it could make you maybe want to put a bullet

in your head. Yeah. But if you're watching, you could make it entertaining because you could do things visually as the intro plays for that one. Oh, I'm not going to listen. I'm not contractually obligated to sing it. You're not contractually obligated to do anything. I'm going to go take a shit or go pee or go eat a pop-top.

But I will stand here with the fans that I love. Oh, my God. And I will engage with them. Wait a minute. Whoa. You're pretending like you're the fan champ? I am 100%... Can I say something?

Can I say something? You don't want to do this. You don't want to do this. What are you talking about? They know. They know what? You're not the fan champ. No, I mean, I'm nicest to the fans.

No. Oh, my gosh. I bet you... I say hi to people. I take pictures. I'm nicer than you are. I take pictures. I smile.

We'll go... Okay. You should see what I did with the fans at the McDonald's activation. In the comments. Go ahead. Oh, Christ. I had right. Oh, God.

Who's better than the fans? Please don't. You know, I don't want it. It's because... What the hell you asked for? You incite them, and you incite them, you get them all rallied up, fired up. Yeah. But the objective reality is I am nicer than you.

I have a better personality. I drink a lot more water than you. Uh-uh. Zero, zero, zero. That's your score for all those things. Well, can we please get into my curation of TikToks? Well, can we talk about what the fuck I saw at the beginning here with the pennies? What was that?

It's called Talent Tom. Is that TikTok? Yes. That guy's on TikTok? He's like, I have four pennies on my fingers. That TikTok's on TikTok. Josh Potter has a new phrase for our words. Sorry, that's our...

That's the official. Yeah. So we're going to go... So Josh Potter calls our worded TikToks. Yeah, it's pretty funny. Makes a lot of sense. I feel like it makes sense when I see somebody being on TikTok. Yeah.

Well, if you would like to see... So the ones that I can't show on our show, I put on my gram at the Christina P. in my stories. You can see my curation. I'm also the water champ on TikTok. I don't provide content. I'm merely a humble curator of what's out there. So I've been sending these to the Dove and Josh, and I took you off of the text because

you said they upset you so much that you don't want to see them all the time. Why didn't know Bert's on TikTok? I didn't know... Well, hold on. We didn't... We got to play your TikTok intro. I heard you, bitches, was looking for me. Bitch, here I go.

Oh my God. Wow. That was TikTok for sure. It was super TikTok. You used the hour. Okay. So let's see what you got for me. Yeah, this is the biggest batch of TikToks yet.

Thank you. Well, I've been working pretty diligently. And we're going to shift from this into your corporate recap. Well, first things first, I mean, you know, the most important stuff is fans. Let me see what you got. Go ahead. Never date Ayandere. Ayandere is the Japanese line for basically a woman who loves you so much she's willing

to kill anybody who basically lays eyes on you, trying to get a hold of you. And I know some of you in the comments are going to say, huh, you never have someone like that. To be honest, I wouldn't want someone like that because she would kill my sister, my mother, my grandparents, anybody who even looked at me remotely. They'd be dead because she's so lovey-dovey that she goes insane and then wants to trap me in a fucking basement and help me in the kinky way. No, I mean, she will legitimately kill everything you care for just so you are the only thing

she has. Yeah, I don't I don't think she's I don't think he needs to worry about that. I know. He's he has that. There's a there's a specific way that a person who's immobile lays and makes videos. You see it a lot on TLC where where you you lay on your chest and side and you don't see where a neck used to be. And then this guy is like, you know what my real problem is?

Chicks who dig me too much. I know that's why I do you love it. Yeah, I think you're all right. Maybe maybe a little gastric bypass delusional if he thinks he has to worry about what the fuck is up with this guy. What is up with y'all? I got four pennies. One, two, three, four, thank you.

No one can not catch it don't and catch all of them at one time that's a real that is a real tick tock right there. That guy's fully tick tock fully tick tock. Now what do you know how excited he is to have caught four pennies when I know I don't But truth be told, I'm not sure I could either. Like I don't know if I could do that trick. It's pretty good. I don't know.

But you know what's neat about both of these gentlemen, they're they're shirtless and large yep breasted. Yeah, they're big guys in there. Yeah. They're. What is his knuckle and the knuckle tat say? It looks like B I C H or rich maybe R I C H could be rich. Yeah.

I don't know. Do you want to bet that he's not rich or no? Dude, you saw how many coins he was catching. That is poor. Yeah. So there's a there's a whole like there's a motel room you think? No. No.

No. The thing I found is that a lot of them don't live in mansions. These people making tech talk and it is it appeals to a specific them socioeconomic demographic. Oh, it appeals to someone like you. Yeah. That's what it feels. Yeah. I'm really weirdos.

I'm sitting there at night now you guys, you know, she had the balls to accuse me of being a psycho for for watching, you know, crime shows. Sure. Do you realize that I'm in bed and I hear and then I'm like, what the fuck? And it's her just watching tech talks watching like I got four panty and then you can catch it like that. I have to tell you this is but this is more interesting than any television show out there right now.

This is more interesting than anything going on. All right. Okay guys, we're going to do a guy acting like a cow. You like this one, you like this one, I knew you like it, I knew you like this one. Yeah. Thanks for watching the freaking dog. You know who that is? Yes.

Right. Yeah. And he knows the weather. The weather and he's from Saskatchewan and he's trying to build up his tech talk following him. I might sign up. Yeah. Well, because he says it on these tech talks, he's like, I'm also a YouTube star.

Wait, what? I'm doing his accent. I don't know if I would do that again. I tell the weather in Saskatchewan, what I'm doing his accent, he's got a Saskatchewan accent. Yeah. I'm Canadian. It didn't sound like that.

I'm doing the weather. Sounds like you're kind of tick-tocking it. You know, I'm just appreciating art. He's got a new book out. Huh? Frankie's got a new book out. He does? Yeah.

He wrote a book. What's it called? I don't know. The weather. It's called the weather. Tech talks. No, no, he does. He really has a new book out.

Well, Frankie, I've known who he is for a long time because he had a big YouTube following. Yeah. I think Twitter following and he'll, he likes extreme weather. Yeah. I think he'll comment when there's things happening. So I applaud Frankie. He really made me laugh with his being a cow. So yeah.

I like, so those are, those are certain lane of tech talks I've been into. Go ahead and play this one. Let me remember. There's a little funny story. My friend just texted me and told me my ex Perry is in jail. I wish I could find out for what, but I don't know. If anybody can find out for me, let me know. Thanks.

There's so much going on. Who's the fuck are you doing? Well, why can't she figure out what Perry did to get in jail? Like, do you think she has really small nostrils for how big her nose is? Doesn't it look like there's barely enough enough space for air? Yeah. But then it's not a small nose. Yeah.

And what's interesting is it, it sounds like she doesn't have teeth, but then I can see that there's teeth. But I want to know what's going on. Is that like an arty thing? Like where she, she was in the Coke for a long time. No, no, she's, maybe she got hit. I don't know. But I wonder why she's putting the call out to TikTok to figure out why Perry's in jail.

That's a part I understand. Like just text your friend who knows Perry or his mom or something. Like you think the general TikTok audience knows why Perry's in jail? I feel like there's a bad lane for us to get into. What's that? All of these? What are you talking about? It's just humans.

Okay. Now we're going to get out of that lane. Special lane. And now we're into a different world. Go ahead. Clown check. I see fucking pieces of, I have a good day, I'm by the J.E. and I'm back like a baby. So that's like the whole ICP.

No, I figured that part out. Grab a hold. I went down. Yeah. Yeah. This one's my favorite. And apparently on TikTok and he's, he does a lot of golf cosplay, so I really appreciate his work.

But somebody I think has insulted his lady is what's happening here. I just don't understand why people have to pick on me for all kinds of reasons. I wish I was on my girlfriend's live, literally just chilling, having a good time, watching her have fun and all that shit, when all of a sudden two trolls who are following me where I don't, who I don't follow literally are making fun of my OCs during my girlfriend's live, saying they're gonna beat up Kronos or saying that Kronos is like gill with a hat. What?

Is that like your problem? Cause that's mine. Okay. I make my own OCs. And if you have a problem with that, just block me for I give a shit. But no, no, they keep, they keep making fun of my girlfriend saying, are you single? No, I said that she's taken. And then I tell her and she's like, all right, I'm gonna break a pencil or some shit.

What? Like, why do trolls come at me? This is fucked up. I'm not this close to stop. I don't be done. Okay. Don't stop. Don't be done.

So now he's threatening his fans because this is the kind of stuff that he makes. And now he's saying like, I'm going to stop doing these if you guys don't stop rolling my girlfriend. This is one of the things he does. This is my favorite. Yeah. All right. Before I continue making videos, I just want to say something to my friend Ross and Prince.

I don't care what you guys have to say about my girlfriend. All right. Julia is fine the way she is. And if you have a problem with that, you can go away because we're not dealing with it right now. All right. I love her who she is. She makes me feel happy inside.

If you can't understand that, back the fuck off. I'm serious guys. Whatever you have to say or what to tell me is not my concern. I don't care what you have to say or what you're going to do, but I want you to do one thing. One thing only. You don't like her what she's doing with me or her. Lock us.

I don't care at this moment. Good bye. How embarrassing. How embarrassing was that one? How embarrassing. That's pretty bad. You should never respond to your haters. I just want to say good morning, Julia.

He's very intense this kid though. I like his work. Okay. Now this one's for you. This one I thought of just for you. Hey, you guys. June 2019. Yeah, I have lots of men friends, Roger, Steve, Daniel, Skip, Ken, but anyways, those are

my friends and the trees. Don't forget the trees. Yes. I am 48 years old. Jackie Land Anderson, J.L.A. This is tough. Anyways, I am not a virgin. That means I never, I mean, I have sex before.

So keep it real. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just saying. No, I'm not a hoe or a player. Just I haven't had a real, real boyfriend yet. So she's still looking.

Jackie W. Bye. Okay. I think I'm good now. Can we be done? Wait, can we do one more? Please. Oh, this one's good.

This one's good. This one I just sent. What am I looking at here? It's a pig. It's an enormous pig. There's a pig on a couch. It's laying on a couch. Okay.

Your daddy's home. It's Bert coming in. I know. It's so weird, right? Yeah. So for people listening, what's happening here? Yeah. For people listening, you just press pause.

A man, a shirtless man approached his 350 pound pig that's on the couch. And he's kind of like toying with him. And the pig is going. And that's what we just watched. I feel like I'm tick-tocked after watching all this. Oh, I like it. But you don't feel like it's fun? One more.

Just one more. Oh, my God. I've spent so much time putting these together for you. Last one. Okay. Fine. But it's... We gotta go, man.

I can't believe it. No, not this one. Another one. What is this? It's just an Indian woman crying on her wedding. It's not that good. And they're feeding her some from their hands? This is fucking horrifying.

Next one. That's what she said. This one's good. This is good? Yeah. Doesn't look good. Yeah. That's my favorite.

Okay. That was a woman pretending to be. I just want you guys to know something. When you're weighing in on who you like to engage with more. I can't help what I like. The heart wants what it wants. Those are all Christina's, I guess. Yeah, but I like this.

This is my entertainment. You like your murder shows. I like this. You like this. I like this. I like this. I like this. I like this.

I like this. I like this. I like this. I like this. I like my murder shows. I like this. You are completely retarded. Anyways, so I just want to bring up McDonald's.

This is unbelievable. Yeah. What a great segue for them and for us. For people that don't know, not only are they back. They can't play that ad. What? No, the Instagram ad. He can't play it on our show.

Oh. Not only are they back. Hmm. They came crawling back. Well, I mean, come on. They came back and they brought you to Clusterfest about a week ago. Right. Well, for the listeners of Ironware, McDonald's has returned as a sponsor.

They realized that. Many, many friends rise. That the, them being upset about the Uncle Terry video was not inclusive. Yeah. And they apologized and they support the LGBTQ plus. Of course they do. Community. And now they're back in the fold and Tom's been shopping for Ferraris.

And I got to go to Clusterfest as a brand ambassador. How cool is that? For their activation at Clusterfest. A comedy festival. And this is not a joke. People think it's a joke. I mean, we have some even, I think we have some videos and some images. Well, here's the deal.

I put out a call to all our fans there. I said, I'm at Clusterfest. Come meet me. I'm at the McDonald's activation. I'll give you a free tomato mozzarella chicken sandwich and free strip waffle McFlurry's from the Netherlands. And they did. And they showed up and I took pictures.

I made Instagram stories with people. What a great day. I was amazing. You got to eat McDonald's. Free McDonald's. Take photos. There I am. I'm coming to Canada.

I'm meeting, and here I am with fans of your mom's house. These were actual mommies who came. And we did the, what are those called? Boomerangs. Those fun Boomerangs. And I met these two fans. Christina is the personality champ. Let's see.

Let's see. Here with Danielle. Danielle, who in your family loves strip waffle McFlurry's the most? My uncle Terry for sure. He loves the strip waffle. I thought so. Look at that. It's official.

The McDonald's logo is behind me. I'm wearing my McDonald's denim jacket. It's great. And I met this gentleman at the activation. Hey, my name is Nick. Keep it OS. Old school taking McDonald's. Woo-hoo.

It's great. And that's because I am a personality champ. Yeah, it's great. I love our fans. I like to engage with them. Look, I love to be in business with McDonald's. I don't see any videos of you with your fans. Yeah, I know.

Go ahead. I love to be in business with McDonald's. I'm a big fan. I think they make, you know, obviously, it's quality, amazing food, and they're back. And I'm happy about it. Me too. It was so fun. Yeah.

And you can look on my Instagram for the ad that I did. The Christina P. You can see the McDonald's ad. Yeah. It's really great. It's pretty amazing. Back in business. So they, oh, a lot of people are asking if we have to paint the studio. McDonald's said we don't have to this time.

Okay. What else? Yeah, and there's no limits to the content anymore, which is nice. No more content limits. Yeah. Okay. That's a... Oh, and we're allowed to go back into McDonald's now.

That's really important. That's the biggest. I'm loving it. Yeah. So thank you. Thank you, McDonald's. Thank you, McDonald's. We're excited to be back in business with you.

Yeah, this is really good news. I know. The Stroopwaffle McFlurry is great. I like to get extra crumblies on top of mine. Oh, yeah. I didn't try that. They have all these foreign, right? Four foreign things.

Well, for a limited time, they're offering the worldwide favorites menu available. Four of the most popular items. Yeah. I like that you're still in ad mode. Yeah. Yeah. So it was very exciting, and I got to speak with the McDonald's executives and ask them questions about the McRib and all the stuff, and it was great.

It was really great. It was really fun. They're very nice people. So we were talking about earlier, what you said to me, that you think there's a limit to the number of sneezes. Yeah. People should get in public. Well, because I was on the plane, and you hear people sneezing, and one sneeze, okay,

two sneezes. God bless you, but a third, it's like, stop. Go outside, go away. I sneeze in twos. No, you sneeze in threes. In threes? Yeah. I thought it was twos.

I go, bless you. Bless you. And then I get angry. No, no. When I start just things, you go, bless you, bless you. Oh, that's right. I do pre-emptive twos. I do twos.

No, you're right twos. Yeah. But then don't you find the third to be just exorbitant? Like, what are you doing? Well, it's annoying, but it's involuntary. No, but. Sneezes, you don't go like, ah, I'm going to sneeze right now. It just happens.

You should go away if you have a problem. You have a sneezing problem. If you get a cough, please leave me alone. Yeah. Well, because Annie was saying, don't your friends have a two-sneeze policy? Yeah. Two sneezes and they're like, dude, shut up. You see?

You're done. You're done. But I mean, and if you keep sneezing, they're like, just get the fuck out of here. They're like, dude, can you go somewhere else? Like you're bothering me. See? I mean, like, I kind of. I agree.

Understand it. But I mean, I don't think someone can be serious about that. Have you ever been around one of my dad's sneezing fits? No. Dude, they're all the time, but like, so he's always had allergies and he will sit there and sneeze. No. Not exaggerating.

Sometimes eight to 10 times in a row. And I've seen him have as many as like 15, 16. Yeah. That's so annoying. And he also, like, I think Potter asked me, he's like, well, doesn't he think that something in the room is causing it? No, he does not. He sits in the same place that he's in and he's just like blows his nose and he's like,

huh, you see how, you know, his eyes are all watery and he's just like, oh, I'm like, dude, you sneezed. Right. But it's disruptive to the other people in the room. I know. Like it, it stops the conversation. It does. It's distracting.

What do you, what do you propose that they leave? It's the same if you have an annoying car, if you're going to, it's basically you're being annoying. Like you have two times. I get a cough like it's leaving the room. I agree. You know, you're blowing your nose too much. Like, you know, the person that's like, okay, no, that shit is like, but here's the thing.

Some of those things are prolonged. Like that guy or that, you know, all the noises. Like I've been on planes with people who were like, I mean, you're doing this for two fucking hours, man. Yeah, the tics. That shit is, is, is ridiculous. But sneezing is involuntary and it's over relatively quickly, but it's still annoying and you should excuse yourself.

You should leave. You should leave. You know what? I had a driver who I did. I was like listening to the radio and I wasn't talking to him and I, he ever do that. People go. Oh, it's the worst. That bothers me.

Like, I sat next to a guy in a movie theater who was going, yeah, for, for a movie, the duration of a movie, just like sucking his sucking spit through his teeth. Yeah. But that's like, that's like, I want to leave the room. That guy should get fucking stabbed in front of everybody. Exactly. Because he wants your attention. They're doing it.

It's an attention getter. Like, look at me. But a sneezer is not asking for attention. Yeah, they are. Look at me, everybody. I'm sneezing more than once. You get too. That's not what's happening.

Yeah. You get too sneezes. It's involuntary. Yeah. But you can control. You can stop it. No. Yeah.

No. Blueban. Yeah. No. What do you know? How many times do you sneeze? Well, no one would want to sneeze like more than two or three times. Yeah, it's unpleasant.

Do your limbs go numb? Like after the third or fourth sneeze? No, your limbs don't go numb. Why would your limbs go numb? I don't know. Isn't that so? What's the body? No.

You need to see a cardiologist. No. Really? No. Your body doesn't get numb. Are you being serious? No, I'm being legit. Like my arms will start hurting if I sneeze four or five times in a room.

That doesn't happen to anyone. You've had heart attacks you don't know about. No. But also what she's saying is completely wrong in that nobody is deciding to do that. They're not deciding to, but then they have control over being in the room. Okay. I'm in the room, yes. Now, personally, if I'm with strangers and I'm having a sneezing fit, I would leave

the room not out of politeness, but because I'm kind of embarrassed. I'd be embarrassed. Yeah. See, you should be embarrassed if you're on a fit. If I'm having a fit. It's disgusting and everyone has to say, bless you, bless you, bless you, bless you, bless you. I have to belch after like a bunch of big sneezes.

That's so weird. It builds up air. Like I build up because I sneeze so forcefully. It's like air gets trapped here and then I have to belch. Do you ever have both at the same time where you burp and sneeze at the same time? Not really. That's not. Yeah, that's happened before.

That's happened to you before? It hurts a lot. That sounds like it hurts. It does, yeah. I like, I like sneezing. I'll tell you what feels really good to me. Oh God. He loves his body functions.

I do. I do. How do you love sneezing? I love sneezing. I hate it. I don't like body functions at all. I love that there's like a little buzz after you sneeze, you know? It's like a head buzz.

And I feel, I feel lightheaded. I feel like, I almost feel like I took like a good hit, a weed or something like, ooh. I feel it. I like it. And I like sneezing with reckless abandon, meaning no hands. That's fun. A free sneeze? Yeah, a free sneeze.

You go like, yeah. You see it like go everywhere. It feels so good. That is fun. We do sneeze tag for a while. We would sneeze on each other. Oh, sneezing on each other. That's a fun thing.

I mean, that's usually. Yeah, it's fun. I recommend couples only. Yeah. But like, I like being in the car. And I'm like, oh, I feel a sneeze coming. And if she's distracted, I'll go and sneeze on her. You can't really get away with that unless the person really loves you.

Yeah. I like the sneeze type. I've done it to my sisters too. But you can do it to somebody you're much bigger and stronger than. Yeah. Or someone who loves you a lot. So that's who you should preserve it for. Potter is disgusted.

With which part? I think the sneezing on people. Oh, yeah. It's gross. But it's fun because they can't do anything back to you. You know, right? You can't just, it's not like when you cough on someone, they'll just cough right back on you.

You need to have one in the chamber. Yeah. But Josh usually agrees. Josh, don't you agree that three sneezes is like, it's over the top. If I sneeze three times, I'm saying I'm sorry and I'm walking out of the fucking room. Thank you. Yeah. I agree.

Fix yourself. Man. See, Annie's friends are like, bro, you get two and then you're done. It's like, hey dude, let's go. Yeah. It's enough attention. Like you're asking for so much attention. Yeah.

I mean, I've gotten annoyed by somebody sneezing a lot. I have gotten actually really annoyed by my father sneezing. Yeah. It's annoying. Yeah. But he's also going on an extraordinary role. You know, he's doing 10 sneezes. Yeah.

He's sick. He needs to get help. Yeah. And then I'm like, he's like, I can't help it. I can't do anything. I'm going to leave the room. I can't. I can't.

And there's cough limits too. I don't want to hear so many coughs. Really? Walk away. Oh my God. Anyways. God, that felt good. So interesting development in my life.

Yeah. First it started with towel drying myself off and then it evolved to a coffee machine in my bathroom. Yeah. From this trip to DC and stuff, and I like pop music now. People won't understand the implications of this. For the last 15 years, any pop song, meaning a popular, let's say, radio hit. Like mall music is what I call it.

She calls it, she's just like, oh, like just can't. So I, you know, you adapt kind of to what you're, you learn what your spouse, your partner's into. And you go like, oh, okay. Like she just doesn't like anything popular music wise. It's got to be like, ah, don't kill yourself. Like she likes that kind of. Don't kill yourself.

You mean kill yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You like kill yourself. I like. The world is dark. Yeah.

Yeah. Punk new wave. I like the clash. I like Bauhaus. Why do we live here? She's like, that's a good song. I like it. I mean, if there's one thing I definitely don't see eye to eye on with this broad.

It's music. Yeah. Okay. So I accepted that. Like I like this kind of music, like things that make you dance, bob your head, feel good, happy. And then she's like, death, death, death, die, die, die, kill your parents, then yourself. I love it.

I love it. Yeah. So. I like it. Now she comes back from this one fucking trip and she's like, do you like Willow Smith? And I'm like, what? Well, okay. She's like, she's got this no sock and Taylor Swift can really put out some hit tunes too.

And I'm like, yeah. But can I, but do you know why? You did DMT on the strip? No. You know what happened is because I'm so out of tune, out of touch is like a middle age mom. Like I don't leave, I don't go to like clubs. I don't know anything cool.

So all I know is the internet. Yeah. And through Tik Tok, I've learned about music. Are you fucking seriously telling us back to Tik Tok? It's all, all roads lead to Tik Tok for me culturally. And there's this Willow song I like, it goes, and I'm here right now, right now, because everyone. You don't have to do that part.

Everybody's the echo. No. Just any other song. Singing. Yeah. Joy. And I like Willow Smith now. I like that one song.

And then I like Taylor Swift, mostly because, you know, our friend, Brendan Urie did a song with her called Me. Yeah. And I started watching it because Brendan's in it. And then I fell in love with T Swift and now I'm down the vortex and I started listening to her. I really don't know what's going on. I don't know either.

I don't know. I think it's part of becoming a middle-aged mom. Like this lameness. And then can we talk about like you're, you're like talking about a standup? Yeah. You want to talk about it or no? Yeah. Go ahead.

You're like, oh yeah, man. I just, you know, she, this is the first time that she's ever, she goes 15 years. I just want people to have a good time at the shows. You know, I don't. I've never felt that way before. I was like, what? I've always been like, I want to start a fucking riot. I want to put a brick in it.

I want to get angry. I want to get fired up. You know what I think it is? I think it's because I've matured and I've been in therapy for 10 years and I'm not angry anymore inside. Isn't that weird? Yeah. I'm like happy inside.

Yeah. And I want to make other people happy. And I think, and I enjoy Taylor Swift now. Man. I don't have rage inside of me anymore. I don't hate my parents anymore. I think that's what it is. That's great.

I think that's great. You don't like Taylor Swift at all, though. You like the shake it off. I don't have any problem with Taylor Swift. That's a good song, right? Wait, I'm not not. I've never knocked Taylor Swift. Oh, OK.

Don't knock Taylor. Well, wait a minute. How does it come to that? I've never said I'm the one that likes pop music. All right. Just checking. Well, who's your favorite pop star? Let's talk about it.

I don't know. I mean, I like. Rihanna. I like Rihanna. Yeah. Yeah. I like Rihanna a lot. I do.

Who else? Let's look at my fucking. Let's talk cool jams. Here's what's going on with my. I think this is just what happens in middle age, too. Is like as a lady mom. Well, this is some throwback. I mean, I listened to Envogue.

I have them on today. Yeah. But you like you have like the musical taste of a 12 year old girl. OK. Because Envogue sings never going to get it. Never going to get it. Never going to get it. Yes.

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Now I like I have talking heads on here. No, well, that's from me. But that's not from you. That's not from you. Moded.

It is not from you. You listen to talking heads before me. Yes. Oh, bullshit. Yes. What was your favorite song? The person who really got me in the talking heads was not you. It was Dan Gabriel.

It was Dan Gabriel. Who the fuck is Dan Gabriel? He's a comedian. Well, I love talking. Here's some biggie Smalls. Let's see. Here's some part of him. I mean, most of the stuff is.

I mean, look, I got some Kendrick Lamar here. I've heard of that. I've heard of that guy. Because they dated a Kardashian on Instagram. I know that, right? Was it Kendrick Lamar with a Kardashian? Different black guy. Somebody Lamar.

Lamar. Lamar Odom. Yeah. Lamar. He's a fucking retired basketball player. And he's with a Kardashian. Was. Was.

That's why Lamar was in my head. This makes you seem a little out of touch. Yeah, I'm told. I just admitted it. I raised small children. All my free time is spent with tiny children. All right. What about Waka Flaka?

Waka Flaka. Waka Flaka. We've had him on the show. We have not had Waka Flaka. Not as a guess. We played Waka Flaka in the past. I thought you were like, no, he was right there. Wait, was that Danny Brown?

No, that was Danny Brown. No, Waka Flaka. We've played his clips. Yeah. Mm-hmm. All right. Let's see. From you right now.

ASAP Rocky. Right now. You know, under that. Thundercat. You don't know this. Del the Funky Hummus. No. Eric Abadou.

Of course. I want a rim job. Hey, diggy diggy. Come on. That's not how it goes. Yeah. Let's see. Wiz Khalifa here.

Soul to soul. That's old school. I don't know that shit. Drake. Two Chainz. I know Drake. I don't know who Two Chainz is. What's Two Chainz?

That sounds terrible. Let me see. That sounds like mall music for sure. Well, that's what you're going to get into. Forever 21. Here's my throwback digital underground. I know that. I'm going to run down by the Humpty Dance.

I got some free wood Mac here. You like that? Okay. Some Daft Punk. Okay. That's kind of... Oh, how about this Camilla Cabello? You'd like her.

I don't know. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You play that for me. I like that. That's pop. That's like pop music. That's good. Yeah.

She's good. She's talented. All right. Tribe called Quest. Everybody knows that. Heller. Heller. Here's some Danny Brown.

Some SWB. He says it's cool. Yeah. All right. So I'll start playing some more of my pop music for you and then you can decide. I was very surprised. I feel like this is a new... You don't understand how just almost traumatizing this is to hear that you're like, oh, I like

fucking this stuff now. I know. I don't even get it. It's like who is this woman that I've married? I know. It's a big change. I feel like I've changed in my 40s. I'm becoming a nicer, kinder, gentler person.

I think it's a good thing. Well, speaking of that, I tweeted out the other day, if you can pull that up, that I think it's ridiculous that comedy clubs haven't raised what they pay the emcee and the features across the country. It's been the same rate for over 20 years. I know. Well, actually, you wrote the emcee makes a hundred. I think they get less.

I think it's 50. No, I said if the clubs paid the emcee only. Oh, I'll say in the middle. Yeah. Which is reasonable and easy. Oh, right. That it would change their lives. And for people who...

I know. A lot of people weighed in, people who obviously have no fucking idea what they're talking about, which is my favorite. When they're like telling me, I'm like, dude, you don't understand what you're talking about. These are not people making $50 and $100 an hour. Oh, no. This is something that they worked on for a long time. And keep this in mind.

So the way that... What I'm talking about is not the comedy store or the comedy seller. It's the clubs that you go to when a comic goes somewhere for a weekend. Typically, it's a three-person show. The emcee is... Or the host, the middle act's called the feature, and then the main act is the headliner in across the nation for over 20 years. That rate...

More. Didn't this rate start in the 80s? Well, no. In the 80s, they got paid more. Oh, my God. But for over 20 years, they've been paying the opening act $50 to host the show and the middle act $100. And of course, there's a huge sliding scale for the headliners.

So let's just say that if you are a new headliner, you're not selling tickets, so you don't make as much money, but you get a living wage. If you're a big headliner, obviously you have a lot of draw. You get... Lamborghini money. Yeah, the part of the door. So what I'm talking about is the emcee in the middle are developing comics. They're people who are going to be headliners.

And of course, yeah, they shouldn't make headlining money. But by not paying them even a reasonable wage, you cannot expect them to, A, make a living to develop because they're going to have to get like two and three other jobs. And you can make the argument, well, that's what they should do. Well, I guess, okay, that's what they should do. But to be fair, everybody else at those clubs is making more money. You understand what I'm saying? From 20 years ago, the Booker, the club manager, the box office people, the servers, the bartender,

the cleaning crew, they all make more money than they did 20 plus years ago at that comedy club. The only people not making more money are the people on the microphone performing, which is why the place is open. So it's like it's it's time that those clubs just step up and pay them a little bit more. And by doing so, one or two of those or a few of those comics will be able to maybe not have to get that other job and be better at comedy, which the comedy club benefits from. You end up raising the level of talent and the level of talent means there's more competition

for great comics and all of a sudden you have more great headliners that can sell more tickets. It benefits the entire business. So it's just something that I've always I felt like that for a long time. I mean, you know, when I am seed shows at these clubs, I was making $50 an hour and fucking 15 years later, the same people are making the same rate. It's like, come on, well, it's crippling to because you have to go into such severe debt just to become a headliner, which you and I did. We, you know, you put these flights on your credit cards to be a feature act.

And then well, that's here's the thing that like ostracized like more to that point is like people were like we're hitting me up. Why don't you pay people more? I'm like, wait a minute, we're not talking about me. I pay people extraordinarily well that open for me. Correct. I'm talking about you're working that week at a club. Yeah. And the club pays those. Yeah, the club pays them.

And so it's it's not about like whether I mean, yeah, people in my position can take care of who opens for them. I'm saying like, dude, you realize too that like while you're talking about, you know, it's been 20 years, other things have changed. And like rent is way more flights. They don't pay for middles to fly. So if you take the middle easy at the fucking Dayton funny bone, you get $100 a show. So you might have five or six shows.

That's five or six hundred dollars. If you're flying from Austin or Phoenix or LA, that's going to be a at best fucking four hundred dollar round trip flight. So you'll make two hundred dollars. Literally, that's what you make for the weekend. You make that much. And then, oh, and then you have to eat while you're there. Yeah.

And you're lucky if they put you up. Sometimes they don't even want to put you up or they'll put you in a shady condo. And a lot of people are like, how come there's not a lot of female headliners? And well, most of the women are not as great, not crazy enough to do what I did and go into debt. And also it's dangerous. Like they'll put you in condos that you don't know how many people have had access to before you could have copies of keys where the doors don't lock properly.

I've stayed in condos where like sliding doors are fucking wide open. I've stayed in condos where I was sketched out. Of course. I've stayed in condos where I put shit in front of the door. So have I, yeah. I've barricaded the door. Or motels. They'll put you at the club will be cheap and put you in a dirty motel where

like your door faces out to the parking lot. And, you know, you go through all these hoops for like 10 years just to get where we are. And yeah, and at least you can do is fucking throw him some scratch. I don't think I'm, you know, dangerous. Suggesting something like socialist and totally crazy to do. It's like pay the people at this point. It's it's it is reasonable to ask for this raise. The other thing like the last point I'll make about it is at the trend.

Like comedy is so hot right now that the current trend for new clubs is bigger. Though it's it's it's more seats, it's expansion. New clubs opening all over the country are four and five and six hundred seats. That's essentially a small theater. And when they even if they if they have an act who doesn't sell, if you're able to give away five hundred seats and, you know, that many people come and they have to do the two drink minimum. You're talking about per show, even on free tickets.

That club is now generating an extra an extra four or five thousand dollars in revenue per show than they would if they had a two hundred and eighty three hundred seat club. So over the course of a five or six show weekend, you're talking about an extra twenty five thousand plus in revenue. And they're like, you get fifty dollars a show. It's like it is it is at this point. I mean, I think it's gross.

And I'm not like saying it to like shit on clubs. Clubs are the foundation of stand up. I love clubs. I've worked clubs my entire career, but I think at this point it's like you got a certain point go like it's the right thing to do. You know, yeah, it is the right thing to do. And I hope they understand that this is just it's totally elementary. It is. But maybe that's what separates normal people from comedians

is your willingness to suffer. Yeah. For ten years being broke and being treated like shit. It's pretty inspiring. All right. What do we got coming up here? We have our guests. Yeah, we got to do this, though. Yeah.

All right, I think it is time to do that. And also we'll take a break. We'll be back with our guests. Hope you enjoy the rest of this show. Your mom's house will be right back. Our next guest is a superstar. She has a just a meager 25 million followers on Instagram. She has a fitness fashion line and she has a brand new podcast out called Oh,

Honey, you can get it on her YouTube channel. You can get it wherever you get podcasts, Spotify, iTunes. It is Amanda Cerny. Thank you for coming on an intro. Thank you. I mean, I have to say you might be the first lady that's ever been in the studio. And what do you mean? I mean that we've had female women in here.

OK, but you know, it's like this is the first time you're allowing women on your phone. No, no, no, no. It's usually female comics who talk about squirting piss. I got it, I got it, I got it. Like we had there's some real stocks. No, we had what was her name? Who created you? Oh, yeah, no, Sarah Gamble.

She was a lady and that. But really, like you're like a beautiful fit young lady who probably doesn't talk about pooping a lot or belt. She don't belch or fart a lot. Well, no, I get gassy. I I plant based. Oh, good. Well, make sure I'll try to brew it up for you.

What makes you gassy? I think all the raw vegetables. Could you are you vegan? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I like to say plant based, though, because it's so like intense. I bet you're so regular, right? I have like is it 8 a.m. Just on the dot.

You're just like, it's time to be serious, though. Doesn't the vegan does sound so cookie cutter and boring right now? Oh, guys, we love talking about the thing is, though, I have my cousin was vegan and she's like, I take Tyrannosaurus size dumps all day every day. You're like your bowel movements are just so much better on a plant based diet. So, of course, has to be. Yeah. Some days I'll be like, man, it feels like I'm shit in glass. Oh, yeah, I haven't had a vegetable in three days.

That's why I know I need to see if you don't want to shit glass. Eat your veggies. Maybe that's a new shirt. I think so. So this is just to give people like some background on this. I I went to high school with a lovely, lovely lady who is your manager. Right. And so this conversation started like a few months ago.

And, you know, she told me you were going to be doing a podcast. We're talking about all kinds of stuff. And she's she's absolutely wonderful. Lacey Abbott. Yeah. Is that OK to say her name? Oh, yeah, for sure. Lacey. She lives at one to one. And so we were talking about that.

And, you know, I was learning about you. And I mean, I don't want to just fixate on the number, but it is an astonishing thing to build what you've built. I mean, five million. Can you wait a minute? How much is Paris Hilton have? I think you might have more than Paris. Yeah.

Dude, you have more than like. No, you do. I'm a fan of the gram. I am on the fucking gram. Like, you have more followers than you ever look at Paris. Give more than like the New England Patriots. You have more than Tom Brady. Bro, Paris Hilton only has ten point eight million. But I mean, Amanda has twenty five million.

Do you ever stop like before we get how you get there? Do you ever stop and go like, holy shit, this number of people? I mean, it seems like. Yeah, I mean, overwhelming almost. It was overwhelming for me when it was at one million. Yeah. And I was like, that's a lot of people. Those are like humans.

Like that's real people. It's not just like a number that's like. How long did it take you to get to one million? It took me a year. I was a year. Yeah, I was on Vine. And that was my first million. It wasn't on Instagram first.

It was on Vine. Because you still do your content. I mean, you do short videos and like some of them are on the IG TV. Yeah, of it now. But you've always done like, you know, short, funny content. Yeah, like sketches, sketches and stuff. And then so take me back to how. So you start on Vine before that.

Do you have like, is it? I got a backstory. Yeah. Yeah. I want to know. Well, I was at college at Florida State and well, yeah. You too. I'm a big Seminole fan.

Oh, OK. Simon Holzer's baby. She always rubs me the wrong way with that. But yes, I'm a big or the lifelong fan. Oh, I love that. Well, I went to Florida State and then when I was at college, like I had, like I was a bartender, I had like three jobs to pay. It's expensive. Sure.

And then I would go to the gym and then I'd also have a lot of free time. And then at the same time, one of my friends from my hometown emailed me and or not emailed me, messaged me and was like, hey, you should submit to Playboy and become a playmate centerfold. And I was like, I'm not doing that. I'm going to school like doing well in school, going to be in the CIA. Really? Like Jodie Foster and Silence of the Lambs.

That was the FBI. That was the FBI, your honor. What's same thing? That is not the same thing. I am similar. It's similar. One is domestic ones in her name. Oh, well, you knew that.

Guys, I've read. I used to read. So you wanted to be in the CIA. Yeah. Whoa. But my mom, maybe you still are. I mean, no, I'm not. But when I was. Your face was like, what?

I was waiting. I was like, what if she's a spy? Yeah, she could be. And I actually worked for the IRS. So I don't want to. I pay my taxes. We do a lot. So OK.

So your friend tells you this. You're like, I'm not doing that. Yeah, I'm going to be weird. But you did you want to be in Playboy? Like, was that something? Never even on my radar of things. But then I knew what it was because the girls next door was on at the time. Remember that show with Kendra.

Yeah, she was she was so ghetto. Yeah, she was like, I'm I'm getting drunk. And you're like, this chick's a playmate. This chick has to blow half with the other two ones. Oh, my God, what a job. They were girlfriends of half. They were right, right, right. Like the playmates.

So oh, they weren't playmates. Kendra wasn't a playmate. I don't know if she ever became one, but she wasn't on the show. They were all just girlfriends. Wow. Imagine having to go down on that. You know, apparently he butt butt fucked a lot of them.

I heard about you talk to him about I interviewed him before I died. Now, I heard that from a former girlfriend of his, that he used to butt sex them so that he wouldn't get anybody pregnant. That's the word on the street. Yeah, I'm surprised that, like, because you can't put it in soft. I'm surprised that he could get it ready for anal. The Viagra, I mean, the guy was like, it's fucking like it's like 87.

Oh, he's so on those stupid silk pajamas. Yeah, he's like, come down here and put it in your butt. No, you know what he used to do is have the pajama parties and they will watch a movie in Heff's dirty old room. And then he would butt sex and he would want the other two girls to make up. I've heard it on an interview with a former playmate on Stern. Okay.

Yeah. And you know that get all my information from from that show. I think there's a lot of tell all books and stuff too. So I haven't read them. I'm saying that he's probably not opposed to Mal's or vagina's either. That's true. He might be into that. It's not like half was like, no, no blowies for me.

Yeah, I heard the mansion was run down to. Yeah, I've heard that too. Yeah. Yeah, it's a lot of continuance. You guys heard a lot of things. I've heard a lot of things. It's all important stuff that I wish I were. Yeah, that's very...

You need to TikTok. I know a lot about that too. Yeah. I got a TikTok. You have a TikTok? We'll go through some TikToks. Well, I can't start following her because then my whole algorithm will be messed up

because she's like attractive and normal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I only feel a really special algorithm going to TikTok. Oh, really? No. Yeah, that's good. I want to see it. It's not like your feet.

I promise. It is not. Okay. But sorry. So we got an interesting place. So your friend, all we know is that your friend was like, Playboy submit. You should be in Playboy because you're super cute.

I'm going to completely contrast everything you guys are saying about having Playboy. Uh-oh. But I was like, oh, it's cool. It's like, you know, he's done a lot of amazing things for Gay rights. Of course. And like, so I was like, oh, this is an awesome magazine.

I'm going to the gym two times a day. I'm like, I'm confident. This feels cool. All right, I'll send bikini photos. Super pretty. Why not? You should exploit your looks and make your money. And that fuck, yeah.

Sell your panties online. Do whatever you have to do. Are you not doing that yet? And selling my panties? No, but if you want to run that business for me. What? Dude. Yeah, we have an agent together.

I got to tell you, we have been doing a lot of research lately. And guess what? You're leaving a lot of money on the table. Well, have you seen Orange is the New Black? Well, yeah. I didn't watch the last season. Oh, well, I think it was, I think, I think it was in,

I don't know what season it was in. I know what you're talking about. Yeah, they did have a business. They had a whole business of selling the panties of the inmates. Yeah. It's brilliant. And if you plug that to your followers. Yeah.

Do you have any idea what's going to happen? I could get all the people that have a following, all the celebrities, and whatever you want to call them, sell the panties, even your panties. Well, I'm only at $254,000. I'm not. That's $254,000 people that will pay for your panties. The way you say that, you're right.

Yeah. You make a lot of sense. Yeah. Here's, OK. Here's the game plan. We'll go back to your story in a moment. Yeah. Here's what you do.

Because it's so exciting. You start. Everywhere you go, you just carry ziplock bags. OK, so you go to the gym. She's twice a day at the gym. Yeah, two times. As soon as you're done. OK, you do morning workout.

Panties go, zip lock bags, zip it. You write down morning workout. 8 AM. That goes, and then evening workout. And then you're like, ugh, I ate a big salad, farty day. You write that off, right? Yeah.

And then, you know how you can bank episodes? You bank. Just like panties. A whole bunch of them. Wow. You go up, and then they're like, I mean, you say your price. She's really listening to you. Of course.

There's poor women. Poor women. Forget everything I'm doing. Oh, wait. Do you have too much money, or do you want more? So you fucking. I would love a house in Malibu. Posting these, you're like, hey.

And then it's right there. Just like it's another post. Someone's, oh, what's this? Oh, it's $1,000 panties. What do you spend on them? 20 bucks? Fucking great return. Is that like, see, I like that, but I feel like we can do more.

Go for it. Go ahead. So we have to. Because I can't run this on my own. No, no, of course. I need help. Yeah. And you guys, this is like a business meeting now.

Yeah. But I feel like what we could do is because we have access to so many different celebrities. They have followings too that want their panties. And then expand this. This is what I'm talking about. Make it a brand name for the whole panty line. That's right.

And then all that. Yeah. And then you could sell unused panties for the people that can't afford the worn panties. That's right. What do we call it? Insta panties? Yeah.

What's the app? Do we create a whole new app? We could. Is this like. See, there's levels to this. We just need to trade market. Cameo for panties? That's right.

It's like women empowerment. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck the patriarchy. Sell them your panties. Why not? Sell these dumb guys your panties.

Right? If a guy's like, hey, I heard you farted a lot today. She's like, I did. Here's $1,000. Are you going to tell me you're like, no, I don't want this guy to have my fucking panties for a grand? Yeah, it saves you all that wash. Yeah.

Yeah. Anyways, I just feel like. I agree. One in one makes three. That's what my old manager used to say. Yeah. And I never understood what she meant. And do you know?

And I fired her. But now I kind of know. OK. She's really bad at math. She was terrible. OK, so. Look, I just want us to not abandon this conversation. I don't.

We'll table it as they say. We'll put a pin in it as they say. Well, honestly, I've told this story a lot too. So it's not like completely, you know. What? Which story? Her origin story. In my origin.

Oh, I'm sorry. No, but no, it's not. Don't be sorry. You haven't heard it. No, no, no. So obviously I didn't tell it enough. I'm going to tell it right now. Tell it now.

Yeah. So I was at college and I sent him bikini photos. And then they emailed me back the next day. And I was like, all right. Like, that's cool. And were they like, we want Bush? And they were like, we want to fly you out for a test shoot. Oh, amazing.

Yeah. And I was like a free trip to California. Awesome. And then they flew me out in October 2010 for just to go out to the mansion for a week, do my test shoot. I went to Paris's birthday party or Halloween party, one of the two I don't remember. How was it?

Was it fun or was it overrated? It was fun because I was my first time seeing celebrities. 01:05:37,400 --> 01:05:41,720 And I saw a Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite. Love that guy. Yeah. And that was like my. That was your jam?

Yeah. I was so excited. And then so yeah, I went to a Hollywood party. And you met Heff? Oh, yeah. I met Heff, of course. So wait, on that trip, are you because like, you're a college girl coming out to LA?

I mean, are you like, holy shit? Do you feel like this is probably like just like a one off thing or are you like, I want to get in on this? You know what I mean? Well, I was kind of like whatever about it. Like I came out. I was like, this is a really cool thing. Like I land, they had a limo for me to bring me to the mansion.

I was like, this is awesome. Definite like experience and check off the bucket list for sure. But it wasn't everything to me. Like I went out there. I was like, all right, this is cool. And then I was like, if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, then I have this. And when you're out, do you do the test shoot as well?

Yeah. And what's that like? Is it his daughter that runs it or something? She did. When I was there, everything changed so much since like, after my year, I feel like that's when things really started changing with them trying to be more modern and like, revamp the whole company.

So everything kind of changed. So but it's your first test shoot, which means you're, are you fully nude for, you ever done anything like that before? Okay. So you were nervous. How intimidating is that? Yeah, that's got to be terrifying.

I was like a deer in headlights because it was a fully professional set that they had. They had the same photographer that they've had for 50 years shooting all the centerfolds. Well, that's kind of nice. So you can trust that this person's going to make you look really good. Exactly. That's their whole job is to make you look hot.

Is there just deep breath moment though, right? Like, you know what I mean? Like, I imagine that there's something like there's a robe. And then it's like, all right, we're ready. And you have to go like, oh my God. Yeah, yeah. And I, and I looked that way too. And they're like, all right, the makeup artist walked up to me.

She's like, Amanda, I could tell you're like really nervous. Yeah, by the way, I'm nervous right now here. She's like, by the way, everybody, because I was 19 at the time too. Oh my God, your baby. Yeah. And then everybody there, like there was a lighting guy. There was just like so many people in the room.

But all them, again, super professional. And she was like, just know the lighting guy's focusing on the lighting because he doesn't want to get fired. He's doing his job and he's getting the photo. And then the photographer is working on getting the perfect shot. It's like art to him. Like it's just, and she was explaining that to me. She goes, I'm looking at your makeup.

Like everything is just so like focused on just doing your job. That's a good speech that she gave. Nobody is like, is that chick a 10? She's not fucking hot. They're just so excited to see you. To be great. Yeah, of course. Because at the end of the day, they take those pictures that they shot

and send them to Heff. And then Heff looks at them that day and then tells them. And he's like, I want to put it in her butt. Bring her. Exactly that. Provider to the pajama party. So wait, is that what happened next? No.

Oh my gosh. No, ew. No, ew is reality. I'm waiting to do that. Wait, is there no moment like when you're, okay. So the photos go over, I assume that in the next day or so you fly back or do you stay out here? Well, the next like in two days was their Halloween party at the mansion.

So you got to go there at this point. Wait, but that's the big deal. Like the enchanted forest or whatever. And then you dress up and everybody's dressed in lingerie. It's a big deal. Yeah, the Halloween. Well, that's the, I think, the mid-summer. When you go to the party, now Heff knows who you are.

Like he's like, this is the, I don't know. But it's like, there was like three other girls there that were test shooting to become a playmate, centerfold too. So all of us were testing at the same time. So it's like I made friends with these two other girls. Did you really just fucking bitch like inside? You were like, that's the thing though. When I got to the mansion, I thought everybody would be super catty.

And cause I didn't know any of the girls. I thought it'd be like competitive. And I went in. Sorry, guys. Oh, come on. The phones, I was on my way in the middle of the- No, I got my nanny, my kids. You've been doing this for 10 years.

I got two children. Okay, that's a good excuse. Yeah. Yeah. Are they okay? Yeah, this is just Amazon. Huge priority, guys. I got like five packages a day.

Same day delivery. Hell yeah. Okay. So you're at the house. Half walks by, whispers in your ear and put into your butt. No, it never happened. Does he say anything lude to you at all? Yeah, do you meet him?

Do you meet him? No grope? No, like you're like, hey, get your finger out of here. Wait, wait, but you do meet him, right? Yeah, I met, so I met him when I first landed and I put my bags in the guest house. That's nice. And then I went up to the house and they had the dining room area. And Heff is usually always in his room.

So I went up to the bedroom. He's always in his room. No, okay, I didn't do that. But like, because he's older, he was like 79 at the time. But when I met him, he was 79. Yeah, he was still like completely co- In my pajamas, and he's like, you want to see some old bags? No way.

How bad do you want it, sweetie? You guys, that's not what happened. But he likes blondes. I hear that the blondes get to be the girlfriend. This is true. So he was like, hey, pig, what are you doing in my house? No! He like tolerates burnets.

He just, just to be all inclusive. What's that brown-haired dog doing in my guest house? And they're like, Heff. That plant eater. So he was nice to you. Wait, wait, one more question before we move on. Now, I imagine, because women are weight fluctuates, depending on your hormones, and like,

did you brown a lot that morning? Because you're like, my stomach has to look flat. Like, you know when you shit a lot, and then your stomach looks way flatter? Like, did you think of stupid shit like that? Not really. Because your stomach's probably naturally flat. Sorry, I've never had that in my life.

I was like, I got a shit more today. No, I see what you're saying. I didn't eat a ton of food the night before. Right. Because I didn't want to wake up with like a full belly. Like a lasagna. Right, that's what I'm saying. So you are aware of like-

Because I get like a pregnant looking belly if I eat a lot of plants and the gas and- Yeah, sure. Sodium, I don't know. See, I'm- Anything can happen. So you did eat light the night before and you, yeah, fly. Okay, hold on.

Are you getting the diet tips for everybody? Yeah, because I'm like, because I, every time I see like a, like a pretty girl on a bikini pic, like you're on your Instagram, I'm always like, does she, because my stomach poofs out like if I eat like a grape, but I've also had two children.

So it's way looser and fatter down there. But I'm like, do they think of that stuff? Like, oh, I'm going to be taking photographs. I should not eat this morning or something and keep it looking flatter. You definitely do because you're, you have, you're naked. Yeah, yeah.

So it's like you have nothing. I wonder how I would do. I think, you know, I think you should take the robe off. You know what you should do is demand that you want to be in Playboy as an inclusive thing. Playgirl. No, you're a trans woman.

Oh my God. And now you want to be in Playboy. But I'd have to friends. So it's worth it for the bit. Just do it. For the joke. Just for the joke. For the stand up.

Yeah. Sorry. Okay. So you won't get any negative feedback for that at all. And then Heff is like, who's this dog? I wonder, I bet you if I- Heff isn't here anymore, guys. That's right.

He's done it. Yeah. If I did a photo shoot, I bet that makeup bars would come up to me and be like, just, you know, everybody's disgusted right now. Like the lighting guy, the photographer. Her name's Sarah,

and she probably would come up to say this to you. She'd be like, this is gross, and nobody wants to do it anymore. You know, but full circle. Again, I did my guest shoot, my campaign with guests, like a year ago. And Sarah, that was my playmate centerfold, like makeup artist.

She was my artist, makeup artist for my guest shoot too. Oh, that's nice. I was like, this is crazy. Yeah. Wait, so you've got the centerfold. So hold on. So you're at the party and Heff's like,

I don't normally like brunettes. But fine. Yeah. You're a real hog. Yeah. But I'll take you. Because some men like that. And then, so yeah, they approved me.

Did you, did you meet a lot of celebs? Was like, yeah, it was cool. You got to get bombed on at a fucking playboy thing, right? Yeah, but it was like, it was like a cooler party then than it became. Because it was like people. Wasn't social media blowing up? No.

No. I didn't even have like an Instagram. Nobody was like taking pictures the whole time. Yeah. That's going to be the worst part of something. I think the biggest following I got from my playmate centerfold was like 25,000 followers, which is a lot of people.

Yeah, but you're like, this is a bit moderate. Yeah. Yeah, that's a part. So wait, so let's fast forward some. So when you get that, it comes out. And then do you feel like, okay, now I want to get into entertainment, influencing or whatever?

Or are you like, that's just a one off thing. I'm going to do something else. Well, I was like, I'm not working for the government anymore, for sure. So. Is that right? Do you think even now? I guess now, yeah.

It's hard. I mean, yeah, I don't know. You think this. Yeah. I mean, back in the day, this is, yeah, you know, you're right back then. I think now people are like. Hollywood barely accepted you.

Yeah. You didn't. So if the Hollywood won't know about the government. But yeah. So from that, I was like, all right, I'm not doing this anymore. I still had like a semester left at Florida State. But I'm like, all right, not using this degree.

Yeah. So I just moved down to Miami. And I was like, all right, I'm going to. Wait, did you graduate or no, you left? No, I had my AA degree. And then like so many credits away from getting my bachelors. But then I just like went down to Miami. I was like, all right, I'm just going to not waste my money on this.

So I ended up going down to Miami. And I was doing acting classes down there. Because like I always had fun in front of like the camera and stuff with my sisters, we put on plays and stuff when we were little. And I was like, I don't like modeling for me. That was just like something random. Check it off. I did that.

But you can't really express yourself so much with modeling for me. And it's like, you know, I just I want to be more than that, I guess. Yeah. So when I went down there, there wasn't really many acting gigs in Miami. It was a lot of this is when like EDM, EDM music was kind of like on the come up. So I started doing live EDM event hosting in Miami and just like opening up the shows and stuff for all the artists kind of traveling around with it. But then like a host of yeah.

But that kind of got boring for me too. I'm like, all right, not a massive fan of festivals and all this stuff. So I need to move out to LA and I kind of knew some people in LA just from being back and forth with the Playmate Center Fold releasing. And then when I came out to LA, I was looking for like management agency. But everybody was like, oh, you're a Playmate Center Fold. So that's the roles you have to go for. Or that's, you know, that's what you are.

You can't like branch out of that. And that was super annoying for me because I was like, all right, I did this as like something I've done in my life that I thought was cool. And now it's putting me in a spot that I can't get out of. Even though it was like one moment in my life, it defined me for the rest of my life. That kind of sucks. So I was like, all right, I'm just going to build my own reel and then show them what I can do and the different roles that I can play.

And then when I was starting to do that, I met a friend, Jimmy Teichro, and he did a lot of YouTube videos. I was like, all right, put me, I'll be available whenever you don't have to pay me just for any of your YouTube content. So I can just like build my reel. And so I started shooting with him, but then he went to New Orleans to film 22 Drums Street because he got a roll outside of social media. I was like, that's really cool that he could leverage his platform for that.

And then this app line came out and then I was like, all right, this is a great platform. Six second videos that I can learn how to just like do comedic skits or just do like learn how to edit or learn how to do storylines and all that stuff. So I started doing it on there. And then I'm like, all right, six seconds is pretty easy content. Like there's only so much you can learn with that. But like bettering my comedy throughout it. And then just deciding, all right, I want to do longer form stuff and then studying

how to edit because I didn't have, I only got 25,000 for my centerfold, which for me paid off a lot of college debts. That's all they give you is 25,000. Yeah. That's so upsetting. I feel like you're worth because that's that like you just said, it's, there's so many advantages to doing it obviously. And then there's, it kind of does cast you in a lane.

So now you're really relegated to doing X, I mean, like not, not to say that you can't break out of it, which you did, but it does make your life kind of fucking inconvenient. Yeah, which, you know, I like, I hate complaining about it because it's like something that I decided to do that like it was, But you're 19. Do you know what I'm saying? Like I did road rules back in the 90s too.

You did. I'm a million years old. And I remember they paid us like, they didn't pay us as talent. They paid us as employees of Buna memory, the production company. Oh, wow. Yeah. And that's how they got away with paying us like $600 a week. So people thought like when I came off of that show,

they're like, you must be a millionaire. You are an MTV. And I'm like, no, they paid us nothing to do that show. And they stack checks on you. But then, you know, you take the exposure and you parlay it into other things, which is the trade off I guess. And that's what I thought that like that would be so great for me to do, I was like, Oh, this is like a platform.

It gets me in the door and then I could like build and build and build. And then it just like every single meeting I had was just like, Oh, that's what you are. And like just like, and kind of like there wasn't really any like respect had in any of the meetings too. Like I went to like some sketchy meetings also that people came across like as amazing. And then that's kind of what you, I guess, learn when you're in LA, you meet a lot of shitty people and a lot of awesome people.

But like, yeah, I even had a meeting one time with like a producer that was like, Oh, I'm doing like this, all these movies and stuff, just come over. And I'm like, all right, this is like normal for LA, I guess, like people are super casual. And then I show up and it's like, you know, like six PM or, you know, like end of day kind of. And then I get there and knock on the door and then I just here come around back. And I'm like, all right.

And then just going around back and then I get around back and the guy's completely naked making drinks. And then there's two girls in the hot tub with two other guys all naked. And I'm like, okay, but I didn't want to at the same time. I don't like now I would be just like, all right, bye. But at the same time, I was like, I don't want to be rude. Right. Oh, so I'm like, amazing, by the way.

I think about this all the time because I'm super polite about how many times I'm getting better at it with age that I'll stay in something I don't want to be a part of. Because I'm like, I don't want to be rude right now. Oh my God. But then the older you get, the older you get, go fuck yourself. So wait, how long do you stay there? Well, I only stayed for like 20 minutes. You're like, I bang all six and then I was out of there, let them put it in my butt.

She's got the role, so that's all that matters. But then do you like, you keep it cool. You're like, ah, so I just, I got to split. Yeah, I was just playing like pretending they're all like not naked. Like it's normal. Yeah. I'm like, do you want to drink? No, I'm okay.

I drove. And then that is so bold to be like, just come around back. Yeah. So gross. Really confident in his life. And then when you leave, he's just like, all right, we'll talk later. Well, they all went in the hot tub and the two girls started making out in the hot tub and he's trying to tell me like, oh, this role is amazing.

And I'm like, and I'm like, just, you know, just trying to like date me to stay there. And then I'm just like, it's like, we can talk later about this. This is fine. You seem like your hands occupied right now. Yeah. And he's like, come on in. The girls are like, come on in. Like, don't be shy.

Like Lauren, me and I'm like, no, it's fine. Like, thank you so much. And then I'm like, I really got to go though. I have another meeting with a producer. Uh-huh. A clothed producer. Can you tell me, was the producer, was it Steven Seagal? No.

Yeah. But would that be that? It seems like, it seems like it seems about right. Do you know what's not hot to me about that scenario? Cool naked guys. Well, like, come on, come in the hot tub. And they're trying to like entice this scared girl. Like, how hot is that to have like a scared, unwilling

participant in your nasty orgy? It's like, it is though. It's not even cool. It's like, it is the epitome of. Noticeably awkward. It's not hot. She's terrified. That guy knows to shoot your shot.

You know, he knows. It must have worked for him. 100% no. Because like, he probably had the experience of like, have her come over and take your time getting there. And he's like, you know what I'm going to do now? I'm just going to be naked. And my girls come over and be like.

Yeah, either you're in or you're out. Because then someone's either going to be like, I got to go or they're going to be like, I guess I should stay. And then same time too. Like it's also me just being naive because it's like, I was at a club. I was out and then I met a producer and he was like talking about business.

I'm like, this guy's awesome. And he's like, very helpful. Oh my gosh. Very helpful. Wow. And then, yeah, meet me here and talk about the movie that I'm doing. I'm like, very hopeful, I guess.

And then I'm like, this one guy that believes in me. Everybody goes through it though. Everybody, but we all go through horseshit. And then you figure it out. And then you get agents to keep you away from you. I remember having manager conversations where they're like, do you want to do this thing? And I was so broke.

And they're like, this thing pays like $2,000. And I was like, what? It's a porn. And then he's like, just send your press kit here. And I was like, I don't even have a press kit. You know, I was like 25. I didn't have anything like that. And then you try to throw something together.

And then they just don't respond to you. And you're like, I think this is my opportunity. I don't know what to do. And you start getting nervous about how to. Yeah, all your hopes are just revolving around that. Around this one random person that has messaged you about something. Yeah.

Can I tell you something? I'm talking to Amanda and seeing you in person. Because I've met playmates before too. And like you guys are. You wish it was blonde. No, I don't. You guys are objectively better looking than everyone else. And I think it bothers me, like this whole fat model

horse shit, because they're trying to make everybody pretty. And it's not. And I get inclusion. But I feel like why take that away from women like you and like Pam Anderson or whoever the fuck. You're genetically gifted. And they always want to discredit beautiful women. But well, it's all airbrush.

No, bitch. It's not. Look at her. She's fucking perfect. You want a genetic lot. You're gorgeous. And I hate that they always think that today's society doesn't just let her be fucking gorgeous and let you.

That's your gift. You're born gorgeous. But we should shame ugly people. I think so too. No. I see what the movement is and what they're trying. But it really does. Because even for me, when I was little,

I was like, I can never be a model. I have a scar on the side of my face. I was bit by a dog when I was little. And I thought I was the ugliest thing forever. Because a lot of photos and magazine covers are airbrushed in. Of course. And they're like everything's so perfect. And it's the perfect person.

And I'm like, I never thought I could be a model just because I couldn't live up to the standards of what I saw. So I'm like, all right, that's never going to happen for me. And then it happened. And I was like, oh, that's cool. But it's just because I'm from my body or whatever. And then I got the guessing. And I was like, oh, that's cool.

I can do anything. And I don't have to be perfect. And I think them putting those images out of the girls that are just so confident in their bodies, and that kind of resonates for the people that are seeing it. For me, when I was younger, that would have inspired me. And allowed me to be more confident. Fat too.

And I can model my half. Just to be more confident, I guess. It doesn't bother you. It bothers me that everyone's pretty. Not everybody's pretty. You're objectively better looking than anybody in this fucking building or in the zip code. It lets you have it.

You know what I mean? I do think that it's a bit much when people are like, we're all models. No, we're not all. No, sweetie. I don't know what the fucking Gapz thinks they're doing. But I walk by there. I'm like, who's this dog?

And it's like, that's the guy from this show. He's like, he's a model now? Maybe they're trying to take away the idea of modeling. That's what they're doing. That's what they're saying. Like, it's just more of a real. But that sucks. That is not real.

But reality sucks. We are reality. You're the ideal. I want to see you two on the cover together. I don't want to vote. But we're not on vote, because we don't look like you. That's the thing is you're supposed to look at magazines and advertisements and aspire.

That's right. To this unattainable thing. That's what I'm talking about. I talked to this. One of my friends, she was a pageant girl. That's a rough gig, too. Yeah. And she was talking about that to me on my podcast.

But she was saying how she wishes the pageant is all great. It's all about beauty. But people scoring about that. But a lot of the girls are being so unhealthy to achieve that. They're like, some are throwing up. Some are passing out. Some are like so many things. And then she was like, it'd be so much better

if it was just about just health and wellness. No. To add it. No. 01:27:29,000 --> 01:27:30,120 They need to get wheels. They need to throw up. Yeah.

It's what we want. Exactly. Let me tell you something. Because when athletes go into the ring, when boxers weigh in to make the cut, the weight. That's an interesting way to look at it. Don't they do that, too? Yeah, they do.

Yeah. The greatest tequiro Kobayashi, the greatest hot dog competitive eater of all time. That guy trained. He punished his body to be the best. And then Joey Chestnut knocked him off his ass. Go America. Right.

We fucked him up. We fucked up that guy. No pain, no gain. That's right. But isn't that part of the discipline? And look, stand-up comedians, we travel in garbage motels. We eat chili dogs at two in the morning. Right.

You got to do it. We suffer for the craft of entertaining drugs. For the related ability. Yes. I do think it's kind of bullshit, though, honestly, for the world of modeling, if a guy like me is like, I want to be a model, that's not your lot in life. But just get offended, and then people will support you.

Yeah, that's probably true. Yeah. Oh, right. If I cried about it, I would cry. Not inclusive. You're not including Tom. I'm full-figured. Please.

I want genetically superior models. Me, too. That's what I like to look at. Prettier people than me, to look at them. I also like to see prettier people. Kissing, I don't say. Everything. Me, too.

Acting? I don't want regular acting. Or in porn, when there's like an average size dick, I'm like, come on out of here. I want to see an anaconda comedians. Me, too. Some people like, you know, no. Regular stuff?

No. Who's watching regular people porn? I mean, I'm sure people are. No, it's like amateur, amateur. I actually never watched porn before. Ever? Ever in my life. To this day?

To this day, yeah. And you've never had a boyfriend try to show it to you and you're like, no? No, I'm sorry. And no girlfriend ever tried this? I lost you. No, sorry, it's a guy with nanny stuff. Oh, OK.

She's like, this girl sucks. No, no, it's my nanny and the kids. How does it go through a lot? I don't even understand how that's possible. Yeah, I've never, ever. You've never been curious? You've never wanted to? No, yeah.

I don't know why. Like, it's not like I'm like, oh, it's bad. No, no, you're just like, I'm not into it. She ain't into it. Some, you know, just believe it or not, and I know we're such derelicts here. There are people that don't watch pornography, talk about shitting on other people's chests,

pissing on people, beating people, selling panties. There are people that are civilized. I know. I'm going to have the same feeling of when I left my producer meeting. She tells me all the time that my head is full of garbage. Full of garbage. You're such a degenerate.

I know what you're talking about. I actually, I'm just like, just so I don't forget. Yeah. I just need to play this for you. You need to play this for me? Yeah. Uh-oh. It's from Lazy.

Uh-oh. Oh, my, my high school player. No, don't, don't do not play that. I can see what you're leaning into, Medav. She's a nice girl. Don't, don't play this. Oh, for fuck's sake, the most horrifying one. Oh, no, don't do it.

No, no, no. It's not, it's not, it's not like that. Oh, just, it is like that. It's cool. Why are you playing? It's cool. She's a nice lady. Okay, hold on.

He's, he's, oh, oh. This is my first time. This is my dad. Hold on. This is a boy. I mean, can we be nice to my dad? We should have regular people on our show more often. I like Amanda.

Hi there, guys. It's Pete again, and I'm here to do a little video. I wanted to use this, but by greening toy that I bought, this new one, and I thought I'd try that in, and then I also wanted to try this double-ended product review. Oh, it's a product review. It's like massive bullets in them. I haven't used it, of course.

Massive bullets. Wait a minute. This is the video that lost us our McDonald's sponsorship. We were sponsored by McDonald's. This guy took it away. Yeah, well, I mean, you can get some of the products he has on your show. Do you know about the Netflix show, Scam City? It's about people getting scammed in random places.

I think it's called Scam City. He's on the first episode. This guy? This guy, yeah. Really? And then we found him. Oh, that's right. We found out about that.

If he can do it, I can do it. You can do it. Yeah, so hold that one second. I'm just going to play this. When you go on the podcast, ask Tom to sing along with you. I'm a little sick, but not bad. God, Saint Edward, Saint Edward, how proud we are of you. Our hearts, our minds, our loyalties are true.

The spirit of the white blood goes on internally and won't tell the world we are the best we can be. I can't believe she's one of those people that actually knew their school's fight song. I've never known that. Holy shit. Yeah. Lacy, and she's going to be very disappointed. I know this. I'm just going to tell her you're staying along with it.

Oh, yeah, just tell her. Yeah. Can you just sing it? She's going to watch this. Can you just sing something? She's going to watch you and be like, what's it? She's going to be pissed. I just played it because she wanted me to sing it and not play her audio.

She's going to apologize to you for setting this up. She's going to be like, I'm sorry. After she watches this, everything she has this memory of you that is just so great. Yeah, really? Oh my God. She's so sweet. Lacy's the sweetest. Okay, wait, before we show, I want to show you some TikTok stuff.

Oh, yeah. Sorry. So you're on TikTok. What's your TikTok name? Amanda Cerny. Gotcha. Yeah, I'm pretty like I'm really cross-platform. I want to jump to something, though.

So I know you moved to Miami. You're doing your own videos and you're starting to shoot these sketches. And then does it start to pick up track? Do you go like, oh, this is actually getting. It wasn't in Miami. Like Miami, I was doing the EDM. Oh, right. Okay, so you move out here.

Yeah, it was here. I moved out to. You meet cool producers. You start. Horrible meetings. I'm like, shit, I'm just going to do this on my own and build my own reel. Mine started. Started doing these horrible mine videos and then just kind of bettering them.

Mine was hard. Six seconds is not a lot of time to produce killer content. And I have so much admiration for you and the other people that built following. Would you study other people to think? You know what I mean? Because I remember I saw when Vine was a thing, I was like, I'm not fucking doing this. That was my.

No, it's too much. Is that how it would work? You'd be like, what's what makes a good one? Yeah, it like, I mean, your whole goal would be to try to make somebody smile or within six seconds, you know. And so that's a challenge in its own. It's not a lot of time. It would actually be 6.5 seconds.

And we'd be that's like the point. Five seconds is like heaven. And you'd really. Like study how much to put in six and a half seconds. Yeah, because you could have like 10 cuts in a six second vine. So it's like, you know, just kind of putting something small together. But for what it was at the time, because mine, like people still call videos on platforms, vines,

like it became like this whole thing of its own. And a lot of people kind of grew with that platform, myself being one of them. And from there, I was like, okay, I grew to four million followers on Vine. And I was like, all right, that's a lot of people that like kind of grew with because it was almost like this cool platform that like it was new. So which is what made it cool. Can I ask you to at the time you build the four million plus vine followers, are you putting all your attention just there?

And or are you present in other platforms too? I don't really have time for anything else because I would do my own. I know there's six seconds, but sometimes they take like an hour to film. I believe you. Yeah. And then people started moving out from like Ohio, all different places around the U.S. just to be able to collaborate with other people that were doing well on the platform. Wow.

And then so we all started doing stuff together and spending like entire days just shooting Vine content. So we had a ton, like probably shot like two movies worth of content in like vines like throughout the year. And then so we like filled this platform with all of our content and then always be on like they had a popular page on Vine. So we'd always be like the top ones on the platform, like the top like 20 minors or whatever.

And then from there, I was like, okay, this is cool, but I grew up following there. Like let me just a Snapchat just came out to with like public sharing of their stories. And I was like, all right, I can do because I was doing improv classes at the time too. And that's when I just kind of started them and started them. And I was like, this is a great way for me just to like have fun with the platform and not like invest so much time into it because it disappears after 24 hours, but to tell like improv bedtime stories on Snapchat.

And that was the first one that started doing that. And I became like the top 10 most viewed influencer or like celebrity or whatever on the app. And then like I had like more views than DJ Khaled on the app. Jesus. And then I would do that all the time. And then I started doing Instagram got video and that's basically what killed mine. Yes. It's like they got allowed 15 seconds instead of the six seconds at the time.

Did you make that switch pretty quickly when you saw that? Yeah, because it's like you have so much more content and the app and the people that were running the app like weren't catering as much to the influencers on the app. So let me ask you this though. So you go over there, you see that like that there's more time. And then in a year or so, you build about a million followers on Instagram. Yeah. And then so what year is that?

That's like 2014, 2015. So then in another four to five years, you add another 24 million. Yeah. And like let me ask you this. Jesus Christ. I imagine you may have thought. That's more than Billie Eilish. I got to go look at Billie's.

Who's amazing. Who's amazing. I love her. I found her on the gram. Yeah. See she's so good. So what I want to ask is like do you ever stop and think about like there's so many people trying to do this and there's whatever lane you want to call it.

Like there's pretty girls posting videos all the time and photos and they're beautiful photos and beautiful girls and maybe they're doing the emulating to a certain degree. You have as many followers as Billie Eilish. Really? You guys are about the same. Cool. So do you ever stop and think about like what what like to someone who's going like, how do I make this grow more?

Like what separates, you know what I mean? It's hard now. Well it's a lot more difficult now because I feel like everything's about timing too. Like for me when I started doing Instagram videos there wasn't a ton of people doing it. When when something starts to become a trend so many people come in out of nowhere that's like not organic to them also and just try to like capitalize off the market of what's been successful for other people and when I was doing it not a ton of people were doing it. It was just I was doing it because it was the next step for me from buying to like

start creating a little bit longer form and then longer form in the YouTube and then Facebook. So a big credit to the success is the fact that it was like an organic natural. And you're an early adapter. That's huge. Yeah. Yeah. And that makes ship at the right time. There's so much content like on social media now.

It's just like it's really difficult for people like to have a million followers. It's a lot and that's great but there's a lot of people to have that now. Yeah. To and it's like very difficult to grow outside of that even with algorithms and stuff like that now that they have in place that makes it a lot more difficult. So I would say unless you're just doing something completely unique to you like you're going to struggle a lot with it because I see a ton of people doing like the booty picks. So like all those stuff and expecting to be this massive like celebrity from it.

And I'm like following that it'd be like eight thousand followers and you're like how does this person you know what I mean they're just stuck in. Yeah. And I think a lot of it is though if you don't have a strong passion for what you're doing and you know desire to grow and just like keep bettering yourself through things like it's you're just going to be stuck in that same spot because a lot of people just do it because they want to be famous or they want to just want the likes they just want the follows. Yeah.

And they're not like creatively satisfied on the platforms either. Amanda let's talk turkey. I'm a huge fan of the Graham. Oh yeah. Give me your secrets. My secrets are. Let's talk about time. Does it matter what time of day or post it.

Let's get into that. Hashtags are they important in growing your audience. No not anymore. I mean like some people will see them. I guess I'm only speaking from like where I am now. And so it's for me I don't use them ever. Wow. Now that's interesting.

Unless it's like branded content. But if people are looking for panties and you put hashtag panties. Hashtag panties. They may find it. They may discover it. Now what time of day is the best time of day to post your Instagram post. I just kind of I'm not. I'm the worst person to answer.

No but here's the thing you're talking to like fucking Bill Gates about his banking. It's like. Right. Am I asking the wrong question. Yeah. She's already. What do I need to ask. She doesn't have to worry about.

Well that's the thing is that. She's just established. You know what I mean. She's already. No hold on. I can't give some. Yeah. Go give me some tips.

I want to grow my gram to 25 mil. Right. Okay. So they have analytics now which they didn't have before of the best time to post. So you don't have to like feel out your audience. You could just look at your graph and be like okay. I need to post two hour before that like peak in the graph. An hour before the peak you're saying.

I say a couple hours before it would be good for you. She said two. Two hours before. I paid attention. You said original content. Yes. Are you thinking now I've known some famous Viners and YouTubers. And they tend to create from the outside in meaning.

They go oh for instance Billy Eilish. That's a that's a hot topic. I should create a content based on what's cool. Yeah. Brandy is important too. I mean I could do that on YouTube all day and just say shitty things about people and like have the drama channels and stuff. But that's not like kind of like what I want to do with my life.

But it just depends what I guess people want to do. Because you can just capitalize off of the fame of other people too. And kind of cannibalize like that bad person's famous. I'm going to pick on them. Yeah. Make them the thumbnail. Yeah. Oh geez.

Yeah. You can do that. I mean if that's your thing. But I don't think that's your thing. That's not my thing. I'm not interested in that. I don't care about other people. I'm very self centered.

Yeah. So posting should I be posting bikini pics. Now do you think there's a mom bod market that I could be tapping it. Yeah. Really. Yeah. Like my flabbier lower hanging breasts could be. I think I for sure.

Of interest to somebody. Hashtag low tits. Low tits. Mushroom curls. I like that photo. I don't think so. I want to ask a couple other things if that's okay. Are you done with your.

But I want the secrets. Give me some more of those. Consistency. All the way. Tell me about that. How consistent is consistency every day. I would say focus on I used to say videos grow you a lot more than photos do and they do. Just for like just human nature you see somebody on a video and you're more likely to be more

interested in them than a photo. Wow it's so true. Consistency so once a day twice a day. Once. Once a day. Yeah. Okay two hours before the peak. That'll be good for you.

Okay. Thank you. I'll be DMing you shortly with other questions. Keep updated. Things will come to mind. I'll let you know. Tech talk. Yeah.

One of the things that like we were talking about. Collapse. Collapse. For this. Whoa do you know that move. Oh no see I don't do that. I don't I can't I am I'm probably the same with you when you're watching tech talk. Like I I can't do that.

And you're not doing the dances. No. Hey Julie. Heard you got the drip drip drip. No I don't. You know more about it than I do probably. So yeah. Yeah.

Go ahead. Sorry I didn't realize that. I want to die. So no one of the things we were talking about briefly out there and we were talking about it earlier is like you know all of us have these aspirations of like like that the mainstream entertainment is the goal and that we know we're relegated to this second class if you're big on social media if you're on the internet. Yeah.

Right. But then this thing happens where when you actually build something and there's a following you have all these followers and you're able to you know you have a fitness clothing line right that serene fit and and you see how it grows you're like wait a minute what what the fuck am I doing trying to do the other thing like this is it the thing I have going that I'm the boss of I'm the I'm the brand I don't know why anyone even once they build something want to break out of that I feel like you get on a TV show yeah I feel like if you get on a TV show like right now whatever you're it's like it's a punishment.

It's going to take away time and money from your business. Yeah well I think people just and a lot of influencers I see this too like they just like look up to it because that's what they were raised on too right but now the younger generations they don't even think about that they want to be youtubers they want to be like you'll ask any kid and they'll be like I want to be a youtuber. Do you feel like that now that you want to stay in the lane of what you've done and built? No because then it's not like I'm not growing like I just want I want to definitely get more respect in the industry that I've always wanted to be a part of too and just like learn from

those people also because yeah I'm doing like producing packaging things and directing like my own stuff but I can learn a lot more and like me being on set with those people like on that hands-on experience it's going to teach me way more than me watching YouTube videos about it. And also it's like now I'm able to like produce and package things and put those together with like traditional actors on traditional platforms so I am doing more of that now. That's great so is that is that the the next thing for you is like is it producing features or television or? Yeah it's both like that's the thing now too you're not stuck in any one category

like even for you like with you do your stand-up you do your comedy you could do movies you could do anything you've podcast like you know you're not like people don't put people as much as they used to in a box anymore just because you're able to brand yourself right and that's why I love social media so much is because like I was put in that box but then I kind of like thank goodness in a way that social media wasn't really relevant at that time and I was able to brand myself completely outside of that to where now people are like oh she did that like that was like an extra layer to myself that people had no idea about and for me that was amazing because I was able to like show different sides of myself without being judged based off

like one thing I did in my life that's awesome it's so great it is and also these gatekeepers are losing their power and Hollywood and show business if they didn't you know crown you an actor they they resent you until you're so big and you're so undeniable and then now you're in the fold but they like to make you you know that's all it is it's snobbery but those gatekeepers are losing their power and it's fantastic and good for you yeah well thank you no it's awesome what you've built um we want to play a little game with you and that you know you're this you're this well known sorry in advance star social media um yeah celeb so here's where we're playing okay is that the same guy no it's a different guy it's a different cool guy so he's cool

you guys are big fans of him yeah so here's what I want to pretend you are opening up your DMs and here are different guys with different approaches you tell me my comment yeah how you you respond to like the guy and whether you're interested or however you want to respond okay okay so here's the first guy boyfriend's gonna love this before you have sex if you want to be horny for two or three hours like you've never been in your life you have access to marijuana too good weed listen to me is this what half said to you before feed alone can get you really horny or the normal but benendryl take about ten twelve benendryl before you want to have your sexual fun with your partner or whatever you do

your masturbate all right uh about an hour later when you feel it just kicking in smoke your weed done and then go ahead and get horny and I promise you it'll be millions and times more you'll be so blissfully horny that you will not want to come I feel like he's a friend he's not hitting on me no yeah I mean he's kind of giving you advice yeah and he's like like he's you're right he's kind of like saying like I'm I know you're taken listen to me just go home ten or twelve benendryl twelve benendryl feel tired yeah have some fun then smoke your weed and then smoke your weed then he directs you oh the way to if you're alive out in ten to twelve benendryl I like that he does I just picked up on that he tells you then get horny so he's telling you like withhold

your hornyness until I tell you uh so like closet yourself yes do all that and then go out so you're feeling like he's just kind of giving you nice advice I think he's trying to get me to become single because I don't see how that could be attractive to my my boyfriend me walking out I just like falling asleep every I guess oh you're saying that he's he's giving you bad advice yeah like he's like he's sabotaging me take ten to twelve benendryl you don't want that's kind of a good point so that's actually I thought he was my friend yeah he's sabotage oh no what's the game here here's the cool thing there's a game I'm positive this is Florida so my response to him was thank you thank you okay yeah thank you but I'm gonna play with your booty

in your kitty cat but I'm gonna put my hand in there and I'm gonna smell it what a love you think it's a game it's a game I ain't gonna play with you my baby I'm gonna put my hand in your kitty cat look in your face and I'm gonna do like that I'm gonna smell it I'm gonna smell it you know why why if you clean you clean if you dirty you dirty I'm gonna let it be known with my hand what's the question for Amanda what's the what's the game the question is I would respond and say oh my god I've showered you're clean there you go I was just saying like do you like him oh oh well obviously you're you're trying to say which of these suitors she would choose

with a gun to her I'm saying every guy I'm sure guys just hit her up all the time are you single or would meet me here but oh my god your dm yeah are you actually some very like romantic ones yeah romantic how are your dms is it just nutty is it like oh here's my dick here's my other dick I don't get here's my other I feel like the dick pics are more for like snapchat but you know like Instagram's pretty like friendly like people say not like I don't get much of this surprisingly enough yeah what about this this this could be a real nice one here for you good morning Julia good morning a man yo okay just wanted to say hi wish you a great day tell you that meeting you yesterday and getting a look at you was probably one of the greatest moments of my life she's taken there's you are so

beautiful there's no way you haven't gotten messages like you're like I know this guy yeah he sent me this too yeah well I think um a little bit I would heighten the security of my home if you got this yeah yeah I agree yeah that's a good that's something that you should really actually think about oh oh my gosh yes I don't even have a home yeah you don't know how beautiful you are to me oh boy I mean just you're gorgeous you're precious well thank you but it's been sitting in my mind when you said to me you want to go back with your ex boyfriend oh no it's getting weird please erase him from your memory don't ever go back in the past I know because I've been there and I understand when you know you're trying to find somebody and you go on dates yeah nothing compares to your ex but

there is that better person out there okay and Julia I promise you it is me Amanda I will love you like you've never been loved before I will cherish you I'll make you feel like a woman a real woman and believe me after you experience me you won't even know who your ex boyfriend is oh yeah you're having all the right reactions on a scale of one in ten how turned on are you by Joe's message a two wow have you ever gotten anything like that of course every girl I'm saying I just like how confident he is to show you this home yeah he showed me his home like what he's working with and then he's also like hey after you get me you'll never think about anyone he like a swag oh my

god guys are we really better than like after you get me like maybe you will think that like it's better than being shy about it sure yeah I mean you know what he's doing he's basically showing you the hot tub in the backyard he's like here's what it is which his clothes on though with the clothes on yeah yeah and then he's letting you go like all right so are we gonna show her all the potential suitors and then she's going to decide the okay well I mean like she's been reacting but I want her to decide on shoes at the end yeah like who are you gonna marry I can do that okay who are you gonna marry yeah I have to marry this is a pretty serious game can I divorce them um no no it's a year you have to stay together for one year okay over two years because they're okay one year just

one I'll I'll give you could you tolerate of this stellar crew for one year for one year and you have you have to you know you have to stay you have to live under the same roof and be monogamous and share a marital bed and I should have a bed but some people have two separate bedrooms that does happen no not in this marriage better sometimes no so you're starting with I want to be separate that's how you want to go into this no can I have a pull out like a no we have to sleep on the floor no same marital bed it's husband and wife you must do breakfast dinner you know what I mean like you've got to live as though you're married very like I feel like married couples don't even do that Christina is really good at these breakfast lunch and dinner well no we yeah we have breakfast

lunch dinner most when he's home yeah and we sleep in the same bed every night you gotta do that's how you keep the marriage alive you have to make your love together family work together and you gotta make sure that the big thing is that every morning and every night you gotta give him a big kiss like I love you so much to whoever you have to be intimate with them yep and sometimes you have to shave their necks for them shave their back I did that with my boyfriend now how are you guys doing together um almost three years oh you're about to break up when you see this clip ready okay I've been polite I've been kind I've been honest and sincere well I'd like to have some right on my lips I would like to have some titties around my face

I would like to have some sex I'd like to have a woman in my home who I can make a love to I'm not like one of these young men or these little boys they get themselves off and then oops they don't care about their partner last lady 10 15 times before I even went boom once before you went boom is this the kind of are these the kind of guys that you met at the playboy mansion probably nowadays if I were to go this would be there this is the new standard all have sold friends that are still around they're like I used to in the 60s oh my god so is that it are we done that's all the cool guys please no more those are for fuck's sake

I can't do anymore who who found me please just one last she's like and where yeah no is this a new cool guy no he's been on before hi I'll make this brief my name is John Lai you shipment I'm looking for girls for pussy uh oh I love to eat pussy oh god if you're an effect guys you're looking for some action you live in Missouri please call me at one five seven now there's a cool guy did you add that so far there's a lot of hot guys showing you there you guys are so nice to me all right who

do you choose is it good morning Julia is it the gentleman who will smell your cooch with his hand and his glove and then determine whether or not you're clean yeah is it the 10 to 12 benadryl guy is it the I'll make you come guy with the big teeth who's like why am I here who's a fan of Rachel Maddow or is it the calling lacy she had such she had the same look that when she walked in that backyard she saw her look at the ground flashbacks I thought I got past this are we gonna show her this cool guy too we got another one last cool guy this last one please no more here's my question okay why is it so hard to meet a girl just to fucking fuck bro why does every girl want to come in your life and make your life fucking complicated meanwhile their life and their

situation is solely fucking upside down okay but they want to fucking come disrupt your life I don't understand this shit okay a lot of women out there are fully fucking full of shit and it's stupid straight up one thing to fuck with my head but ain't nobody gonna fuck with my brother's head I'm not letting that shit go down so it's a very specific situation I feel like yeah what's up on my instagram he's on instagram he's on the ground oh yeah and I'm gonna roll today because women are fucking stupid okay so he doesn't follow me he doesn't follow me now you have another potential suitor well and a potential panty client I feel like this guy is all these cool guys are potential clients he wants like the power in the relationship a lot yeah so he's pretty

aggressive yeah he's a little scary that one yeah he's a he's one that I wouldn't marry for a year yeah no these other guys um how do you I think all right should we run down the list again and you can choose who you're I'll give a solid answer eight is after we have the good morning Julia guy we have the gentleman who wears a glove who wants to smell your vagina first this gloves are probably so dirty oh yeah um so dirty 10 to 12 benadryl horny guy the guy who will make you come as he watches Rachel Maddow I don't know if you noticed he's in his glasses um the fat guy in Missouri um or the guy who looks like a caveman very on point um I would say the benadryl guy is number one yeah my mind exploded I don't even understand your logic I would I would do that tell us your

reason because he would probably fall asleep by the time great rational yes yeah and then I was like oh he's and then he'll dream that it's this insane experience and then he'll wake up and be like my wife is awesome and then you know I did my job but I didn't have to do anything let me ask you this brilliant what there's a brilliant answer brilliant answer wow what would you like to do less watch five more guys like that or an hour of porn five more guys like that or an hour of porn well I don't know like what if it's the guys in the porn video that's like an hour of watching them sorry oh geez yeah oh that was no I know I was torturing her I didn't I didn't even mean to I thought this is fun I thought yeah this is fun question mark did you hear that inflection are we having fun

this is a good time not sure oh yes okay before we let you go and by the way thank you so much for coming today it's fascinating I love hearing your story um I love what you've built I'm I'm generally a fan so me too and it's so refreshing to have like a normal person in the studio not you scumbag comedian yeah you're actually they're actually showing us like human reactions yeah it's nice you know I'm happy thanks yeah um it's been a treat so here is the algorithm of Christina's tickling oh yeah here's my take this is what people like curate right pops up on hers okay okay fine since I have to fucking do this hi guys I'm batterina but please don't ever fucking call me that when you talk with me please call me rena if you have to okay if you couldn't tell I'm a 20 year

old vampire yeah look at the fucking bad ears on my head duh and one thing to definitely know about me is do not ever fucking piss me off that's the wrong thing to do I want to mess with battery yeah bye no yeah you know what I would love to see the exact exact equivalent video but just you do it I want you to do it I'm gonna do that and you post it this is batterina this is batterina one thing you do it do it do it do it do it do it yeah call me rena don't ever fucking call me that I like how she's so like strong yeah and there's always that um yeah there's that that's what word for it that line that you hear from a certain like group of people like trash people they go uh whatever you do never piss me off and that's your ammo for life yeah yeah it's usually

like you know high school wasn't an option yeah yeah I want to see like somebody piss her off though and if she just still leads on with like don't piss me off yeah like does she keep going with that no no attack no but I understand there's a lot of aggressive I follow a lot of aggressive tiktokers too they're like there's that song there's a bit no I like them there's a whole genre like there's different lanes yeah um there's one there's a song that's like if you see me in the street you know I'm out no like bitch get out of my face I'm bobbing my head though yeah it's like cool do you see me in the street bitch and there's another one that's like I'm the queen bow down when you see me yeah and like they're very aggressive but that's usually like like white

trash like target bitches was looking for me it's but why is it so entertaining because train wrecks are entertaining they are yeah well and also there's a certain lane I like I like authenticity I don't like it when it seems bitty right like it has to be sincere and has to be what you were saying yeah that's what you were saying no they believe yes and she believes she's a bat she breaks a lot of shit I guarantee you yeah there's a lot of broken things around her work and home you know what yeah yeah I mean I kind of feel bad a little bit I'm gonna go make you feel weird and take away the comedy from this though if I go down that lane so I don't want to you're like this is actually a really sad person yeah this is dark oh yeah it is just waiting for my name a lot

just waiting for my lunch just waiting for my lunch I ordered a buffalo burger yep game buffalo burger okay bye also can you want to get here okay bye okay bye like I feel like um I can relate to this that's what I'm saying yeah because you know how it's like breakfast time yeah you know you sing when you're excited for food yeah he's like I'm waiting for my lunch you're waiting for my lunch because I feel like when I make videos that that's what I look like to people where I'm like I'm just waiting for my lunch like I don't know what to say I always feel like a doofus you know like he's just speaking his truth yeah exactly he's like I'm just sitting here might as well talk and waiting for my lunch right yeah that's a positive spin on that video what do you think

Tom I was thinking other shit but again but authenticity it's it's real for him and that's why I resonate that's why I'm drawn also let's be honest Amanda's really nice she's the nicest person we've had in yeah okay story time I'm not a racist just because I say the n-word in a video if it's there I'm going to say it I'm going to map it I'm going to say I also have black cousins I have black friends and my brother's girlfriend is half black I'm not a racist I feel like um she's just fine like you're like interesting yeah I feel like she's definitely racist clearly I mean but that's fine like oh this one's my fave I like these I follow this guy a lot he makes one every man consistency oh team let me let me see that one oh you'll be good we can

they'll heal up in the next day or show um we can't leave until this sandstorm go it's a way down oh he's not so oh is that what this is yeah oh my goodness I didn't even put that together but this is this is me uh day one on vine hey what is he doing this I see so he's acting oh I thought he was being sincere like he's playing a video game maybe and he's acting thank you man team let me let me see that one yeah this is like um oh you'll be good we can heal up in the next day or show um we can't leave until this sandstorm go it's a hero so he's a hero he could be the next why are you following him yeah he could be the next time Cruz if he just practices more oh can you expect an Amanda Cerny follow after that performance or no

um yeah you know we'll write down all these names wait oh thank you who are you following on tiktok I think I follow like three people and I don't use it at all we got we got some I kind of browse through it but I will follow you on there just to see your playlist thank you I've got an interesting curation yeah do you make your own no I'm not too old for this no no no no no no no no no you think I can do work like this though yes yeah I think you could tell her to you should you should you should just take on like this character yeah like combined all your favorite people yeah and be that yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah breaker breaker one now I'm gonna look at from a sister I'm a bad hello this is Captain Marcel my sister went down I'm going down to the mountain

they say my sister tell everybody I'll be back I need to back up I'll see you later bye gotta gotta say my sister bye this is Captain Marcel bye bye what the fuck you love do you love like uh Avengers I thought you were gonna say something I thought you were gonna say like you love medicated people I do positive twins always positive twins I like I feel like you always wanted to be a like a hero in your no psychology with no I just again I'm but again this is just one one rabbit hole I went down I'm currently under I'm into the cosplay group now I've been into goth the goth tech talks I just like to go down different that was just one week of curation I'm I constantly send the dove and these guys would I curate like I said right now I'm into the

goth glane yeah I like that one yeah I I'm gonna follow you for that please I will be much better than Tom's DM thing oh it's garbage yeah do you answer people's DMs ever on Instagram uh fan stuff like hey I'm you know I did well that's 25 million people it's got to be overwhelming for you actually well I do like sometimes I'll go through it just if I want to get like feedback and see like response to something that I'm posting like just to see media response so cool that way yeah um but no I don't go like through every you're not you do you interact with comments and stuff you're like thanks or fuck off yeah I'm gonna block you yeah how much would you like to do video with us we like to make a video I would love to do that I think we could do something fun

okay would you do bitch here I go we'll talk about it okay I would love to talk about this but so just people know there's a new podcast come it's out right now yeah it's out right now yeah because it's out so it's out it's out it's out now oh honey oh honey yeah and you're talking relationships yeah relationships dating life friendships like all that stuff advice from somebody who's not a professional it's great you know it's the best advice it's like hanging out with your friends and you can watch it on youtube also yeah it's on youtube it's gonna be on Spotify apple podcast great that's awesome um and you're also uh is there tv film stuff that you're yeah I just said um a movie with mcgee he directed it yeah he's an incredible

director he did charlie's angels yeah yeah what's the movie um but i'm only in it for a scene so what yeah it's awesome it just came out on netflix it's called rim of the world awesome are you excited yeah i'm super excited and people love the movie so far it's called room of the world rim rim of the world yeah rim of the world okay check it out um there's that and there's active where there's active where which i'm gonna wait to talk about okay so i can okay got you yeah that's very exciting stuff and uh we'll be obviously working together um i look forward to seeing your future grams i'm already a fan on the gram and i'm gonna go to your talk now yeah i love you now thank you so much for coming today though yeah thank you you're awesome no thank you guys and we'll come up with some fun

content to do yeah with all of your characters combined into one i really want you to break a rigger one man i got it rogies on the my lunch my lunch so good already and then i could do mine too uh if you take ten at the well bend your own and then you smoke your weed you might get reported i'll make you come you're like a child that i should work on yours don't forget we're gonna be we're gonna be building a celebrity uh use panty platform oh yeah no we're gonna be billionaires with this company though yes we are yeah yep you guys need to reach out to all your contacts all the same nobody wants to buy do you think people want to buy joey deas's panties yes there's niche arie chauffeer's panty burt christier's during

we don't have friends that look like you or smell like we do now it's all in how you brand it i know you're right perception is so smart you need to teach seminars and shit on this i mean one other thing did i see this thing um were you in india yeah for what was that that was a youtube thing yeah it was a youtube fan fest i went out there and nuts i saw just little yeah like that's a i'm like Beyonce in india for real it's awesome though like the fans are so amazing and what is the fan like what happens at fan fest you just so you go and uh for me it was a bollywood performance like a bollywood dance performance at it and i'm not a dancer but they gave me the choreo like two days before the event so i had to learn this bollywood dance of

just like things i don't normally do holy shit um but it was cool it turned out great and yeah it's hard it was uh it's a it's a really cool story very happy for you what you have going on i drink a lot of coffee and water that's thank you and tell us that half story off mic now yeah yeah that's the one you want to hear yes whoa oh you got it whoa i am beyond embarrassed i learned from tiktok whoa hey julie heard you got the drip drip drip drip okay so our next guest is a comedian now also a writer and director he has a documentary out called always amazing yes uh which features yes whoa whoa i heard you bitch was looking for me bitch here i go whoa is it just one whoa no you have to go like this yeah

oh whoa whoa maybe you don't maybe you don't teach it and then you go criss cross applesauce baby carats me you know that one and they go criss cross i don't know baby carats i feel like here i go that newscaster in ohio that is trying to act urban and cool and now you know right yeah then i went whoa you did it you just did it you just did it the western traffic on the tens yeah whoa yes you just did it you're so cool some of those local weather guys will be like it's drip drip dripping you know i'm saying up until three o'clock and you're like oh my well isn't that the new trend where they'll show newscasters doing like hip hop dances but that's when you know whenever anything is done yeah when the weather guy but what or when i'm going whoa it's

often is he yeah yeah uh sorry so steve burn is here we should probably who we have a guest oh hi hi hi we're having so much fun with you so you um everybody knows you from stan how many specials i was thinking about like you have a crazy work i had specials before netflix yeah yeah but so but so many i had i had four and then netflix came wrong and then everybody's starting to like blow up and that's when i was like oh i don't get these anymore he did four did four yeah comedy central right i mean i remember seeing comedy central first two then the third one was netflix then the fourth one was showtime but it was netflix it was on netflix when it wasn't like yeah presents and all that yeah yeah so but that's huge i mean that's a lot of first that's a lot of specials yeah it was

nice yeah yeah it was a good run and you did i mean you're constantly touring every constantly touring and i'm touring and i'm i have a new hour ready to go but with these films i so the one i'm going to do is i'm going to do a talk show but i'm the only one on the talk show that's the special that'll be the special so i come out i do 20 minutes of monologue jokes that i worked on with argus hamilton yeah and then i do uh panel and then i do stand-up and it'll look like a talk show but it'll just be me and you'll be in different uh outfits and stuff no i'll keep the same outfit but it's just like after 20 minutes 20 minutes i'll go more to come and then the band which will be the goddamn comedy jam uh they'll they'll be the band it'll look like a talk show dude let's do

this instead and when you go to the band let's just shoot you in each instrument so yeah i mean so they're just like hey and then like we have a dancer here today and you go whoa whoa yeah that'd be fun that's fucking cool man that's a good concept i i like the concept and that's when i like the concept then i was like all right now i know how to write for it so there's like there's one thing about like with stand-up where um there's very few people breaking out of the standard this is a special format which is cool like i think i feel like jeff ross for me is like i'm always blown away that he'll think of like a new way of doing a special you know yeah well you had the best cold open the cold open you're cold open to that i remember uh tweeting and then you

i think that was the first time i like corresponded with you because i'd seen you in passing yeah yeah but that opening was so saccharine and sweet oh yeah it was shot beautifully and i was like it was really endearing and then all of a sudden the guys just started cheating on you i was like it's fucking great yeah that was just a great introduction that was for mostly stories yeah that was fun you shot that in downtown downtown then we went to the act we went to these uh east la projects yeah with no obviously like no permit and i'm there with my friend rami hashash who is a director and then like these kids come over this the overpass bridge they're like what the fuck you all do in real life start rolling yeah everyone was like we gotta get this in go yeah exactly yeah

roll them up roll them up dude um but you did uh you also had like i fucking you had your own television show too which is Sullivan and son yeah on tbs right tbs ad support at basic cable television is how i like to ad support how many seasons are that huge though it was fun at the time it was it was it was it was great it was a great experience i got to go to the Warner Brothers lot you know for three summers and and the great thing about that show was that it was it was a bar mm-hmm but it was a functioning bar so we had a live studio audience so people always dump on multi-cams like oh this is just like it's pumped up laughter it's like no the tough thing about doing a multi-cam is you got to get the laughs so if they're not laughing you didn't get it with a single

cam you film it's like i think we got it yeah i guess we got it that's what filmmaking is like yeah you're like it feels funny and you watch it and i think sometimes with single cams it's so like they get so many of those ivy league writers yeah those shows that it you watch you go oh was that was clever yeah clever yeah but like big bang cheers married with children those are shows i still appreciate watch i like having on the background and when we were filming if you didn't get the laugh you convene you pump out the jokes and then you go back and then do it again do it again and yeah hope to god it works it's funny how many do you ever have people like message you about they're like yeah there's a laugh track in the uh special and you're like that's not yeah

you're like that's there's a thousand people there no that's not it's not yeah yeah like we're talking about like that's a laugh track like there's no there's a thousand people in the room yeah it's not scooby-doo right the 80s you know you can see like the audience is laughing that's an applause break that was earned you didn't you can't fake that i've seen that message like a bunch of times they're like i like the special like don't do the laugh track though like what are you talking about like you don't see like that shot at the open where it goes over the audience like yeah there's actually human beings in the theater that are enjoying me thanks for shetnam but yeah but though i liked it but i know that they didn't like yeah oh but i will tell you on sullivan

incident when we did it we'd kick the audience out you know thank you for coming and then we hook up kegs to the taps had whiskey all over the place and then the jukebox was just hung out there and we we would party until like three or four in the morning on the set on the set whoa we set up karaoke one time and what we do is we have these golf carts i get fucking blottoed and i drive down on that back path we're like uh Jurassic park the jeep thing was cool and i'd flip over the golf carts and stuff there were cone setup for film in the next day i'd run over all the cones that's fun we got so many letters like you gotta stop this can't continue it was just like i never know what i'm gonna get cancelled so i'm gonna live it up every fucking moment that's great it

was a blast that's a dream you ever think about like because you've done things already now that like having been out here a while and you know done a few things and tried to like the improbability of getting a show on the air oh my god you ever think about like how many people go through development season pilots and like i'm saying like almost everyone i talked to who has done this for years is like well yeah i mean like you expect to not get on the air no i mean when you think about to get a show on the air is amazing the actual probability of it i mean how many you're up against how many other pilots even just to get to that point of making a pilot and then you're up against one slot the equivalent of like you played college ball and you got

drafted and you made the team you know i mean like that that's what happened yeah but i was on in the summer on well i mean look look i don't negate it you know but the one thing i will say was that when we were filming this book called top of the rock came out i remember i read that about the sitcoms yeah it was about NBC's heyday like thursday night must-see tv and i remember reading this story that no wiley had told um the author when he was on er he went back to the warner brother lot for like an interview after he had been done with er for years and um after his interview he walked back to the er stage on the warner lot and he walked in and it was vacant there was nothing there and all these memories kind of flooded back to him and and the one quote he said in the book

was it was as though it never happened and when i read that i remember being the writers room i was like i'm never going to take this for granted i'm gonna i'm gonna enjoy every second i get because this is why you pack your bags right you leave your hometown you go off to the big city thinking you're gonna make it and then when it was happening was like oh this is the best the fucking best i mean bryan dole murray and dan okay can i just tell you that that's one of the three funniest human beings that's ever lived he's the nicest guy this is my favorite story about bryan so he we we'd go over to his house bring him up because i'm like make sure the audience knows because i'm not sure i know the owner of no is arcade on wanes world it was like i'm working with

this guy oh yeah he's bill's brother he was the first one to go to second city then bill came and everybody else came yeah along but oh i know you're talking about yes yes he's so fun i know the older guy yeah he's rad dude he's rad he is so fucking yeah so awesome and he we went over to his house uh we used to go over to everybody's house we'd all have picnics and barbecues and stuff and we were lining up some whiskey before we left and his wife uh his wife goes bryan we're holding up the shots of whiskey she goes bryan what did you give up for lent he goes uh religion and we all cheers and did it i was like he's so quick he was so great so funny man look how many movies he's been in i didn't realize that he's been around kora caddy shack

i mean he's just unbelievable and then christine ever saw who was on our show she won two tony she did weekend update with bryan dude i remember he also wasn't he in the christopher guest movies too then he'd do a couple did he do appearance in that that i don't know i wouldn't be surprised if he didn't i mean he pops up in everything yeah he's you know the thing that i love about bryan dole murray is that he can also just do so much with just a look you know i mean yeah like he mastered like just looking at someone yeah and like that becomes a joke it's so funny yeah like the timing of how he does it that it says it says more than any line could say well i'm more impressed that he can go by three names whenever somebody gets a three-namer like oh it's so special yeah that's not

an assassin yeah yeah lea harry oswald john ryan dole murray he's a talent right time you know about all those murders and killers that's some good guys that are not respected it's enough yeah yeah a lot of talented family for sure those guys um so wait so tell us because i actually remember when you when you first told me this you know i thought like that's so unique but i remember being a kid and there's certain like you know i remember seeing raw and i remember seeing yeah bill cosby himself i remember seeing uh the amazing jonathan as a kid yeah i think on an hbo did you have an hbo he did a hbo young comedian special that john canny hosted i remember watching that and fucking like almost puking from laughing so hard you know yeah it's like so funny and i love seeing

somebody like usually somebody that does something visual and has magic is a certain type and then like what if somebody like that doing cursing and being outrageous was a mix of the two things you never expect right i've never seen amazing john oh my god i know the name but i've never watched so what's his deal he does like magic tricks comedy magic he's like the freddy kruger of comedy is what he was marketed as but it's like tom said it's like there's like magic i think has a stigma of kind of being nerdy i love magic if you don't love magic then you'll love jonathan because he he takes it to another level like another degree where he incorporated blood into it a lot because he was busking in san francisco he's a street performer with rob Williams and this one guy goes

man i got these blood caps so she should throw this into the thing and then once he did the blood and discussion from his mouth and pulling razor blades out of his mouth he would be like i'm doing magic and be like oh fuck i fuck yeah that's hilarious but that's part of like his thing too is like i like guys can you turn down the lights please can you turn down the lights he'd be in the theater and a huge fucking light thing would come down and dunk him on his head and he dropped down and just all this like physical humor because his comedy and magic was rooted in failure and that's why i love watching it so how did this even come up like how did this come about well i so when i was in new york at the cellar and all the all the clubs i got a road gig first for two

weeks to make it profitable because i traveled down from new york so my first week was with brian reagan this is charlie goodnights and rolly and the second week was the amazing jonathan and i just saw jonathan i was like holy shit man this guy's you're working you're doing a week with him working a weekend with him i i loved it and then his road manager joel osborne who's who's shown prominently in the film as well joel is like the heart and soul of the film like jonathan's the face but joel and i love oasis so we're trading each other bootlegs and stuff and that's how i got to know these guys so i did comic view on bet that was my first like tv spot so jonathan let me crash on his couch and every time i came out to la i'd crash on his couch and

then i'd go to vegas and see him at the nugget and he'd get me a room and stuff it was just like he was one of those guys that you saw on tv that was like the first guy you met that you became friends with you know i don't know who that was for you guys right like jonathan was kind of like real friend like your celebrity you guys actually clicked like you you clicked and became friends yeah clicked and became friends and then essentially he was diagnosed as of today five years ago with cardiomyopathy which is a degradation of your heart so his heart i believe is at like 55 capacity now it might be lower but given his manic energy on stage no good you can't match that so his doctors told him with the concoction of diabetes and being

a lifelong drug addict you got a year to live so wrap it up so he got his affairs in order and was resigned to dying he outlived these expectations and about the third year he said i'm gonna see if i still have it i i want to get back on stage so he announced a return to stage three shows on the east coast in boston and the minute i saw the announcement i was just like i'd love to see that because i love docs yeah and i love stand-up and i was like this would be a great stand-up doc then so i called him up i said could i do this and he said absolutely because i know jonathan's trajectory but joel osborne jonathan met joel when joel was 12 years old backstage after a show in australia it's just a little kid asking for an autograph

comes back the next year 13 hey can i get an autograph keep seeing this kid the kids keeps following him around australia and basically jonathan teaches him tricks and each year after year he he kind of fosters him along the way and joel had his parents had just gotten divorced whatever so i think he looked at jonathan as a father figure and watching the tapes over and over again basically joel turns 18 jonathan says will you be my road manager take an 18 year old kid to road manage a drug addict in los vegas and joel this kid got put through the ringer he oversaw a nasty divorce a suicide attempt the perils of los vegas and joel kept jonathan alive and on track and basically got his life in shape said i'm going australia became a comedian on his own so

when jonathan said i'm coming back to this stage joel came back to open form so it all kind of came full circle that's cool the minute it all kind of happened i was like this kind of plays itself out i saw it so did you have to did uh he agrees to do it did you pitch the idea then to you know i don't know financiers or companies to i took a few different places um and essentially what ended up happening was i just went out of pocket it was a passion project and i love jonathan i love his act and i love joel and i love their dynamic so i just kind of did it on my own and as you guys know sometimes these projects they start to spiral out of control and the money starts to consume you but at the end of the day i was given a choice of like where to let this live

and i just wanted as many people to see it i want as many people to be reeducated or reintroduced to jonathan as possible as possible so in talking to bill burrow now magical at all things comedy i said let's just put this on youtube and let's let everybody see this i'll take a bath on it but the response on it thus far has been tremendous anybody can just watch this right anybody can watch it it's on youtube you just type in always amazing and you guys know the comment section on any youtube video can be uh yeah very inspiring and uplifting good for your ego and self-esteem we're at like probably like 97 positive god i thought i thought we're gonna get some real trolls here but it's been nothing short of just like we're just kind of blown away at the response

well now i have to see him i gotta research this always amazing you can watch it just for free for free on youtube and there's a good production value we put a lot of money in this thing but but my goal ultimately was was to get this done before jonathan unfortunately is no longer with us and thank god i did and i'll never forget the first time i did it for him i showed it to him in vegas at his theater room and he said i love it and he got up and walked out and i was think it was probably you know getting himself together and i remember calling my wife immediately afterwards i was crying and i was like i don't care if i ever make a dime on this thing which i haven't but that meant everything to me it meant the world because he he placed his his legacy his

story in my hand is he no longer with us he is still with us yeah uh he has good days he has bad days as of late from what i know i'm talking to him i think he's having a few more bad days than he is is there is a treatment you know uh available to oh this is the aspect we left out of the film which maybe i should have kept in but he's still with us today because and and he said this on film but he uh he basically takes stem cells from the black market through mexico um wow so for example this one story he told us that we left out because i was like that's a bit much he lost his toe he lost his toe and his toe because he's diabetic he has no feelings in his feet right so it just his toe just pulled off he just pulled it off what he pulled off his

toe so he goes to the doctor and they inject stem cell where the void was of not having a toe and it grew back what but not but not like what do you mean what grew back like a nub grew back so the doctor had to like whittle it into the shape of a toe so he kind of this is what happens with stem cells mexican stem cells yeah yeah so i guess it's like it's like mexican coke you know it's it's a little stronger a little more potent but it's sweeter too sure this is the fetish material i want this is the content i'm looking for i'll say i'll have him send you some socks you can just smell them thank you can we have a documentary about this toe i feel like that's its own story believe it when he was telling when i put it you see the toe yeah how's it look

um you ever see christian with a shirt off yeah by the way this studio is so much nicer than his yeah so much so tom's tour bus is nicer as well you guys have like a great dynamic it's like when you see christian and his wife it's like ah they love each other but you don't see the chemistry that you see it's just like a better mojo in here oh yeah everything's better i mean so much more handsome too yes they're well lit she doesn't like him yeah he doesn't like him his place smells like bad cabbage yeah also that's something you can't yeah smell when you watch him yeah and it's like do you want to see a i mean there's racist people why would you go to pay to see people don't know this but when you walk up to that shed or garage there's all these tiki torches leading you into

it yes yeah yeah and he's like zig dial welcomes in my podcast yeah i don't want to see that shit no one does no burning crosses he's a racist he's a racist man so uh i think i would really like amazing jonathan i really like magic i don't know why people poo poo it it's just it's entertaining you remember the magic castle that shit is fucking amazing dude it's great thinking of fun he retired from performing at the magic castle actually oh really what do you mean he was like a he had a resident he was a regular there and i was really respected super fun experience yeah it's the best yeah it's like uh you know offices will go there like it'll be like an office outing but you go there and you know i mean like it'll be like hey let's uh this is your christmas

can we do it let's have a team building effort but then you go and you're like this is can we do it for my birthday you want to go fuck yeah i haven't been in like i take the crew let's go let's go to the magic castle you want to yeah all right you're invited and i want to we got to bring any because black people oh yeah amazing they don't know what to do with hold up what yeah they lose their minds call back here's the thing they think it's witchcraft they do people listening so it's true people yo that's some voodoo shit y'all like it people are gonna listen or watch and be like this is super racist but i want to point out burt wrote this segment that he wrote this segment and it's also a hundred percent accurate black people and magic is like yes they go nuts it's baking

soda and yeah it's just yeah it's good something's gonna happen there's gonna be a reaction yes they just react they give the best reactions they do they get they're very incredulous usually it's usually ends with them leaving yeah you ever seen was the david blaine right yeah they run away he would do street magic they either freeze where they run and i wonder how far do they run like is one guy still running wait sorry i'm stuck on the magic castle i'm very excited about this for my birthday next week have you ever been to meet evil times no never been no is that still around after i saw the cable guy i'm like man i'm good right yeah yeah wait is it good no dog yeah yeah it's a great time so what you watch jousting and you eat yeah you like go and there's like you know there's

like six nights and they assign you like hey here's a green crown you're gonna be cheering for the green night it's kind of just like a tournament but they hard i heard they are upcharge you on everything sure it's like yeah i like a fork it's like yeah it's 25 cents for the fork yeah it's like uh can i get the you know everything with your hands yeah but don't they upcharge you for everything i had a friend with this kid it's like 30 bucks yeah you get wasted with that beer yeah doggie i'll go and get hammered there yeah should we go should we go to medieval times when i came in he said do you want do you want a coke yeah i was like what are you selling us on the side yeah man he's got a whole business going on yeah there's you want some blow you want some blow

i'm gonna do a boss studio asshole what you want what you want mind jack yeah so wait i want to tell the audience this so a you can watch amazing always amazing yeah on youtube just watch it for free but i had the great pleasure and benefit of knowing you and you offered me a part in a feature yes that we shot last year right it was last year i was about to go it was a night i was supposed to go into labor remember that's right oh my god we were on labor watch so i was like i hope i hope this works out i don't know please don't make me call burt it was please terrible by the way did you know when he first started it was burt kuh kuh kuh krisher yes it was that was on his head shot so like man he was kkk the chitlin circuit is what it was

but no i wrote a feature called the opening act about my earliest and stand-up and so many like this stand-up films come out it's like something in their 50s or like 60s and they're like i was like it's so fucking boring and a lot of the stand-up films i saw i was like i i haven't seen one that i felt was like that's how it really is yeah i agree and so i just wrote about that important part of every comic's life where you you can see your life in front of you but you know you have this burning desire to pursue your bliss and so that was it it was like the impetus this kid gets offered for his first time to go on the road and the whole film takes place over four days and it's the first time he ever gets to mc at an improv and so i remember that that

experience so vividly it's so crazy and the memories start flooding back for it where was yours braya oh brayers was yours oh you told me that right yeah that place is like the old braya is like yeah yeah it's like magic you had a lot of great memories because you i that's the first place i mc'd and then headlined too right featured and headlined that's really that's awesome man that i'm so glad we got to do it there then and i headlined there way before i should it was an off night for like they're like we somebody's doing like a fundraiser yeah you want a headline i was like okay yeah and i just what i did was i wrote out every joke i had ever written yeah till that point and i was able to to do it and i thought i was like oh i guess i'm a headliner now no i was like so not ready for

that but yeah my first feature weekends my first mc weekends were all there yeah that's so awesome it's i i think the film really does like the first half of the film is all the romanticism optimism and blind like faith and partying of hanging out with the feature act yeah and then the back half of the film was all the isolation sobriety and realism of him finally warming up to this road weary veteran that's played by sedger the entertainer yeah and you had a great cast man well thank you for being a part of it oh thanks thanks for the yeah the offer i mean it's like uh you gave me the some of the things i wanted to do more than anything uh which i get to be violent and sex well the best part is when you pulled up you know you play cop i don't tell

too much but yeah but all the improv you did on the uh handle saying all the things i never want to say but uh but the story so that make the cut is it make the cut oh it made the cut yeah there's a few lines yeah great great and it's really fun but but that incident whatever this does come out people see it they'll go there's no there's no way that that actually happened to me it happened to me uh in um in north carolina was at charlie goodnight so what in raleigh in raleigh north carolina yeah holy shit i ended up under somebody's trailer what oh we have to see that yeah that's wild yeah that is wild it's pretty cool no i can't i mean so when can we expect to see it because i definitely i'm i'm so pumped to see it i think probably early 2020 yeah is when

it comes out there were there was so many things like i wanted to incorporate like there was a there was a fight i had um early in my career like i was talking to jay larson about this like he's never been a fistfight in his life and then i was i was doing burrs burrs podcast he's kind of a girl and we were yeah but he doesn't seem like i've been in a fistfight you know you've been in a fistfight was it through stand-up no no just in junior high school talking to shit i wouldn't even say it's a fistfight i would just say that i attempted to swing back like i don't even call it a fight do you know what i'm saying like she hit me i tried to hit back and it probably lasted three seconds yeah i mean you both ended up crying no not this bitch nobody tried no i ended

up crying that bitch won the fight but go ahead sorry but i like when i was on burrs we were talking fight and like have you ever been in fight i've been in i've been in for stand-up for stand-up yeah no i mean for stand-up i've had people that wanted to fight me yeah and i've had like the staff been like you have to wait in the room and right right and i've had i've had security come and been like you know escort me out of places yeah and i've had like people screaming in the lobby at the manager about you know i've seen i've seen that like yeah a number of times over the course of my career right people very upset that they saw the show that kind of thing that's the best when you're like a feet when you're headlining but you're not established yet i've never heard of

like a violent refund though i want my money back oh yeah oh yeah i've seen that the best one that i ever saw was a was a lady it was at the old i was at the old bray or urvine i can't remember one of the two it might have been i think it might have been urvine and and the lady was just in tears really upset so what'd you do just did this being him just yeah and uh she was like you know because basically everybody laughed at something that affected her personally yeah well as it was yeah it's always a missing tile in the bathroom so you go like okay so i i just kind of got to see it by hiding around the corner and watching and i saw the the club manager go like uh yeah no i know yeah it happens and he's like i'll tell you what i'll do because they're like we want we want

to get out of here and hate him he's like i'll give you uh he's like i'll give you free tickets you can come back to any show you want to see yeah and they were like i'll come back tomorrow they're like they finally like agreed to it and then like as they're walking away he goes hey i just gotta tell you something i can't promise you the next guy won't be an asshole too i think i know the club owner and it sounds like a certain somebody we love well i my greatest achievement in terms of eliciting eliciting a reaction from anybody in the crowd was i was in sacramento and i was on a run it was it was about like it's about like farting or cropping it was like years ago and it was just like it was a good bit and it could never do on a tv which club was it was it the punch line there

saccharine apart next to the sleep train right the sleep oh my this is the scariest place to go in the weirdest place so are blue yeah so i'm on this run and i got the audience is one of those nights where you just feel like you just you got the momentum it's going and i saw it happen i saw this dude just kind of like he was dying laughing he just stopped he sat there just like stone face and then i saw a little bustle and stuff and i saw security come over security tapped the guy on the shoulder and the guy didn't even talk to him he just got up and ran he just took off and basically would have he shit his pants he was laughing so hard he shit his pants during the saturday saturday eight o'clock show he ran out past the ten o'clock show as they're waiting in line the shit is falling

out of his pants in front of these people wow so i mean all those people got to be thinking this got to be the greatest show i've ever seen in my life this guy is shitting his pants so collin joe's two was opening for me at the time is like as soon as i got off stage like dude you got to come here you got to check this out and so he showed me where the shit was there's like two or three chunks of shit and i kneeled down in front of it i took a pose and then like years later collin framed it for me and put it on a plaque and put the date down and everything that's amazing not only that i did it again in calgary you made someone shit themselves at yuck yucks i made somebody shit the pants same bit different bit oh whoa so international burn different bit two

people shit their pants wow yeah i real you know we need yeah you whoa you need to have brown wine buck do your promo video for like steve burn makes people shit his pants and then they get ready people yeah that's a great talent dude that's amazing that would be a really i'd be full of pride over that yeah me too yeah i'm uh i'm pretty proud of that it's a good one i thought people vomit in my showroom i had somebody get a blumpkin at columbus during my show what during the show during the show that's when you're taking a brown and someone blows you right yeah what did they do they go they're like oh they put the speakers on the bathroom yeah why yeah let's enjoy this but security i remember after the show there was a big hub at the bar and i go what's going on

this guy's like you ever heard of a blumpkin i'm like uh fuck yeah he's like someone was getting one during your show and i'm like it's pretty sweet that is pretty great you're like the shit comic our audience i guess so yeah love you yeah i saw somebody i did a show up north once where it was like one of those like pretend clubs it's like a bar and they're like you got to wrap it up at ten because then we turn we dance here oh those things yeah and i was middling there and somebody vomited in the uh front row and then laid in it yeah like in the on a table just put their head down oh is that your friend and the person's like yeah i was like do you want to help them and they're like it's fine so we just did the show all right i guess i got 10 minutes left

they just let their friend lay in their puke yeah and like but i would make it clear the person wasn't laughing so hard that they puke they just puke they were just like and then i saw somebody oh this is calgary's yuck yucks my buddy garith reynolds yeah he was featuring for me and some dude had a heart attack during his set and brought in the stretcher and garith is on the microphone the whole time like commenting but like kind of making it like okay and and then the guy was on the stretcher went out gave everybody a thumbs up and got a huge applause it was that to me was crazy after i saw garith do that i was like dude you're a headliner now you know it's me i think a lot of people barf in showrooms because i was just at the comedy

store like a month ago and a woman got wheeled she was sitting in the in the main room in front of the stage and um yakup smirnoff was on stage and she just just barf and he was like all right good night like he didn't address it he exited and then i forget who i'd go up after i feel like that's the veteran move like that's your problem yeah he was like fuck this but i would think he still got a power through yeah um no now you know i i probably would be like all right what am i gonna fucking somebody pukes in the main room yeah in the middle of your it's like a hot it was a saturday night crowd i'm surprised it just happened more to be honest i like that i like that they're not updating their and upgrading their air conditioning for summer it's so hot at the store

it's so worse and then you go like he was ready to laugh you know it's packed here every night you're like you know how expensive but it's not like yeah you're packed with pay for it and they're like nah too much what is it like 10 grand i don't fucking know to fix the fucking air come on adam opened the back doors yeah like there's fans they literally have box fans like this is embarrassing just a hundred degrees and you see people like it's really funny they're like fanning themselves it was like a hot diaper in there and she's like who wants to why is everyone bummed out in this comedy show because they're dying they're dying everybody's like killed over like uh bring up the next act um i want to show you something it's very funny or actually maybe you won't think it's funny

but i want to gauge you know what you think is fun oh fucking okay is it somebody shitting their pants during a show because then i'll love it it's pretty good stuff just like something that we like to show our guests uh here we go no no quiet oh steve don't laugh steve get the fuck out of the car and help him there he is he's helping but he he's helping look at that level of concern see how he's helping he looks like he's worried and then what are you gonna reach down and help him out i gotta get something to eat man man i gotta hydrate his head that's a winning sense of humor see well no he's very funny he makes people shit their pants

but he has a good sense of humor i know he laughed at all the right parts because it happened in a different language that's what makes it's not real when it's another country thank you that's real and you don't see any of the damage you don't see any of the damage the fact that he'll never walk again is not in your mind you just know it hurts i do love the level of concern of ah see but then he went down but then he and then the car just uh it went down again yeah that's the part that kind of made me laugh worried you think he's down for the my favorite is it back for more we uh we played it for a long time and then we had no idea what was being said yeah and then somebody wrote in it takes place in

taiwan and he's basically screaming stuck i'm stuck my favorite video of all time do you remember that fat chick on a motorcycle when she hits a bump and then the inertia propels her forward and you just see this lifeless tundra of a body just beluga whale just shut my fucking the one that's one of the first things i've ever seen like online that made me cry hysteria well here's maybe you'll like this oh i know what you're gonna play i've been watching it all week just another garage oh i thought you were hoping the other one that's the other one well this is russian right oh oh christ there's a kid there oh no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no oh

what part makes you laugh hard is her screaming to terror the the terror that she's knowing that it's over you know a man in overalls is going to do nothing no one's ever been saved by anybody in overalls and those like foreigner overalls like eastern blocker ones you know they're like too narrow or something yeah blue band do i have the helicopter from last week is that in there or no oh i don't think you have it but i could set it up you just show fat girl on a motorcycle yeah i'd like to see this fat show this is literally my favorite you know i wish you wouldn't fat shame and my wife would see it and she'd go i don't i don't see anything funny i'm like how do you not find this fucking hilarious oh here's this is kind of funny did i play one

or no oh no it depends for me it just depends like there's there we've we played one of a woman getting airlifted for on a helicopter it was pretty funny what is this fat chick on a motorcycle do you know which one it is yeah it's that it's the um one above i'm a dick oh yeah down fat girl crashed her bike right up there you go i just yeah i do she's paralyzed right yeah oh but you know that she's got enough cushioning i feel like she's okay that's rude well that's true though but it's her body's big right but you play anything like that to the benny hill theme

song and anything's funny that's true yeah benny hill theme song really does just make anything absurd you gotta be happy yeah yeah any porn yeah that's true yeah hotel rwanda sorry any genocide even funny but that's yeah here we go oh this is the best so let me just set it up all right so there's a 74 year old woman okay that's went on a hike so she's able-bodied and i don't know she got injured or you know lost or whatever so or hurt obviously so they go we're gonna airlift you out okay okay so that's kind of what you need to know and then just keep an eye on her okay this is something that doesn't normally happen during a helicopter doesn't look that high okay well here's the lady 74 oh

look at that holy shit oh you hate to see that that's that guy she was it one spinning as fast as the rotors yeah right do you realize that like at first when she went up her mind she was dude do you know you think you're going crazy right like if you're getting airlifted by the people that are saving you and that you're like you're just crying like they're trying to kill me you're saving me thank fucking kill me i'd rather die i know rick your day can't get

worse 74 74 she is she dead she has to die no she can't be alive i think they would have mentioned that in the story and then they killed her but she was taken okay she was taking us on stable condition man her diaper however yeah can you imagine when they open that thing like what you got she was like what happened and they're like nothing you just got airlifted out that's just a standard airlift she's like oh i'm real scary um can i pull one other thing up from this yeah i want to show steve is a because this one i never understood why christina didn't laugh at this one so please don't make me watch these if we're going i hate some of these they bum me out they're like they're like old friends you gotta you gotta say hi to her so check this one out steve

okay oh he's like and then this guy the second this other guy here he's like all right come on man look cigarette so guys no that's the best part where is this this has to be an eastern europe it's gotta be like ukraine or something like that right i love those cries though like you know that she's all right the cries what was that a rhino sorry guys drago got loose my apologies look how a bull can fuck that was a boy by the way the health department's never been in this restaurant no never no there's no score they don't do scores there jesus that was a rogue bull so yeah maybe spain or somewhere but no but that guy seems a little more eastern european

he kind of does yeah i mean but that's great right sure great i hate the screaming what is wrong with you what is wrong with you your evening viewing has been horrendous lately no last night when you got chased by an animal i wouldn't make any i'd just be running i don't scream i don't i'd scream i scream you do i'd scream a bull oh fuck like i'd be like fuck fuck fuck i don't remember the situation where i like screamed out of fear no no i just i let out i let out the craziest high-pitched scream you scream i screamed i don't normally scream yeah this they got me so good with this we were in uh we were doing military shows in gantanamo bay at gitmo and all over the base yeah so every night they would take us to like a bar here and then a bar

here so it's like one of our first nights and there are there's an infestation of banana rats i don't know if you could pull up banana rat but like just to get an idea sorry i just got to hide my boner yeah so there their banana rats are all over the island okay so if you oh fuck and if you go to like that far right one there like these things are like they get big they're pretty big yeah so there's a guy on the on base whose job it is to just drive around base with like a 22 or something i mean look at the the size that's that thing right not a rat that's like no it's like a possum or raccoon it's like it's a fucking big ass it's like a big cat yeah and he just shoots them on but like he's like we you know it kills whatever 50 a night and they're like it doesn't

even put a dent into our Jesus Christ so anyways when we pull up to this one but it's at night we hope to do a show the van comes up and the lights are on and the guy goes that's a banana rat right there and he's like you know they they just eat vegetation and they're they're totally approachable right just a nuisance you know so we get out he's like just you know approach slowly so that we you don't scare it off you want to get a look at him so we start walking up slowly like four of us yeah from the van and one of the guys as we get like really close i kind of lean in he just takes two fingers and he runs them up my back i was like and then he goes through and i go and then they all looked at me and they're like was that real yeah no

it was it was around here i was terrified you know at jonathan the amazing jonathan's house it's rigged everything is rigged with tricks oh yeah yeah so you go sit at his desk and he's like hey i want to show you something on a computer you go sit at the desk and there's this antique chair it goes up to like it goes up like another five feet it's really cool looking let's just sit there he's like hey let me just stick and he hits this button and the chair just flips back absolutely and you go flat back and there's a cushion there that that gets you and then he had this thing that's cool man he has a painting that uh is of a cow and you hold up a glass to it and milk comes out of it oh and that was cool and then the he's got two ones that scare the shit out of you he's

got the original like chuckie doll and you go over and you're like yeah check out this chuckie doll it's it's original it's from the movie and he's giving you the history and he keeps telling you about and you're kind of looking at it and he goes behind the wall he's got this lever and he pulls it and it just springs out in the eyes pop out and you will shit he framed a spider he said oh i found that in my uh in my pool it's like a spider like this big and it's all furry it's real spider and you're looking at it and he starts telling you the story about the spider and as he's telling it a spider comes down from a string right in front of your face and he's got all these kind of cool things in my favorite part of that is that that's just for the people

in the room yeah i mean that's just for that moment oh yeah with one person yeah you're just doing that for the moment he's just doing it for the moment but he's he's he's he's he's constantly pulling pranks on people and constantly doing things he's constantly doing magic like you go eat lunch with him he'll find a cable and he'll somehow find a way to create a trick out of it and he's i don't know to me it's constantly entertaining and even in doing the dock like he puts his knife through the arm it's the first thing you see in the film and um it's one of those more famous tricks and they were always telling me they're like do you want us to show you how i'm like i i never want to know i'd rather just enjoy the trick how could you resist how could

you resist there was one thing he showed me and i was like oh you got it you know and i i understand how he figured this shit out man he did this for example the thing he comes out on stage with a briefcase and there's a bowling ball right but but he comes out with a briefcase and he opens it and there's a bowling ball in it and then he drops it and and when he drops it you realize oh that's a real bowling ball it's a heavy but he comes out in this slim case you're like how the how the fuck did you do that and what you do is it's all i i wish i didn't know now but he cuts a hole in the back of the suitcase so half the bowling ball is exposed and he walks out with the suitcase facing front so then he places it down and as he places it down he opens it and then the ball comes out

so it's just like shifting the ball as you go through it it's just all slight a hand yeah but i mean like i wish i didn't know when i see these tricks i'm like where do you even start to you know i mean like to conceive of this stuff and and and work i don't even know how you work on it it just seems like it's i don't know i remember watching like those as a kid remember they said like televised copperfield special oh yeah one of the ones that i thought was like so ridiculous to show on television was like he's supposed to made a building disappear yeah the sexual liberty he means to do that but that's why you're watching from how your house you're like yeah can't the camera just be on something else right now yeah and that was yeah well we interviewed

copperfield in the film and i'll tell you he's i know somebody said it's the most expensive property in vegas uh his home and he's a billionaire right so you go over and like the door is like 20 feet big and it opens up and it's the most gorgeous home i've ever been in in my entire life i'm sure you guys have been to like nice homes yeah yeah stars homes but then it's like yeah i never seen anything like this um and the guy was incredibly nice incredibly kind and i don't know it was it was great to hear his perspective too on like what made jonathan great because copperfield's talking about you know he does almost like these disney-esque production value like really high-end things and then jonathan is just kind of like this walmart wd-40 and duct tape

slapping things together and getting just as big as reactions but just kind of like being more makeshift you know yeah yeah just kind of fun but it's so cool man i think the creativity that you see with jonathan's stuff is pulling the razor blades out of his mouth i still don't know how he does it i know that there's a blood capsule in it but he's chewing on a razor blade and then you see him put each one of them in there and then they come out on a string all five and how do you do that i don't know i saw it on youtube but i forget now and i'm sure once you if somebody told you like oh it looked it up because i was listening to rogan he interviewed this magician this famous magician and yeah i mean obviously there's tricks there's

only so many tricks in the world right it's just how you interpret them and how you put your own personality how do you reinvent them but the great thing about jonathan was that in his live performance he would do it but he would fail at it and it was all a success a succession of failures that's why i love watching that's a brilliant everything went wrong let's look up the razor blade because i do remember at the time it's obviously not a real yeah oh fuck i forget how they do it all right you want to do that now i don't know there's got to be a way i remember i went to um i was i was a while it's too long yeah i was on i was in seattle and i went into like a magic store yeah i was like i want to buy something for my kid he's only like three yeah so they're

like well there's just like entry-level thing for kids and it was like you has like a little red ball in it and you can you can basically pick it up and there's like a fake um compartment right so you can show it and then you if you hold the top of the thing a different way you can hide it and then show it again and then hide it right dude i was like this for a three-year-old i'm fucking mesmerized i mean i was doing that all after you know i was like yeah like alone i was like check it out because it feels cool to perform a trick like you feel like you're being an illusionist yeah like it's like you have a secret right and yeah i don't know i mean i i think if i were to get into it i would lose my mind i lose my mind well he taught me like this thing like i and as soon as he

taught it to me i showed my kids where you put your finger through your ear uh she's kind of like that you pull and it looks like your fingers yeah through your ear right so i do it with my pretend to pull it out and you go like that with it and like the first day i came home and showed my kids that they were losing their fucking minds that's how do you do that that is so cool and it's just literally just like manipulating and pulling it yeah it's so fun it's just for the sake of silliness too which i always love it's just frivolity just silliness it's a great escape and i i don't know i'm always enamored by magic i kind of like it well look you guys can can watch it and i really highly encourage you congratulations thank you so much thank you guys for having me

by the way i really appreciate it go to youtube always amazing watch it now if you're black probably with friends let's not say black let's just say if you vote democrat you're really gonna enjoy you're gonna enjoy it yeah um you can see steve on the road are you touring right now yeah off to rolly nashville um all the everything steve or live if you follow me at steve or live you get the link to the film and all the stuff all it's the burn live and yours truly will be in a movie that steve graciously well he wrote and directed graciously offered me a partner absolutely for that and you did a great job by the way thanks a big laugh so i'm not super played a piece of shit right that's something that's what she's always like is it an asshole or is it a piece of scumbag it's

that's when it really shines it's it's really you know it's an example of consequences that can happen while you're on the road okay and that's ultimately what it won't give it away i won't give it away yeah um but what's it called do we have a title the opening act the opening act um all right well look steve thank you so much for coming by thank you for having me and congrats again check it out guys always amazing ever I'm not a racist. I'm not a racist. I also have black medicines. I also have black medicines. Gotta save myself a life. This is Captain Walsall. I'll sit the whip down. I'll sit the whip down.

I'll sit the whip down. I'll sit the whip down. I'll sit the whip down. I'll sit the whip down. Try it out. By the by the by the by the by the by