Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 517-Steve-O-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: September 18, 2019

Jeans Up! The Main Mommies are back in Studio Jeans and we may have found our favorite new cool guy who has a problem with authority... Ta-ta! Christina is back from a weekend of doing a couple shows and got the chance to ride on a choo-choo train! How good can trains actually get? And what was Tom up to when he was alone for the weekend? Loving being alone! We got opinions on eye contact from Uber drivers and a Would You Rather too! Then we have our amazing guest Steve-O, who you know from all the Jackass shows and movies! He tells us about how he got started with that crew, what it was like growing up in his family, and all the crazy stuff he used to do! We hear amazing stories about him painting himself and doing stunts like "Skyjacking." Catch his Bucket List Tour!

I Once went to see a doctor We She wanted to see an acupuncturist He turned out this vision He was an old He Oh

Oh I La madre way Sean Sison con dos freaking needles Bienvenido otro episodio de la casa de tu madre yo soy su host for today El campeón de agua Tom Segura a mi lao la princesa de pedos Que hoy es un poquito Cristina P in el booth El pájaro rojo el blue van a su lado negro y por detrás el flaco Chris

En este momento está por el camino Josh la cucaracha Ese hijo de puta mal parido tiene no sé cuántos Embras cueras si se ven bien bonitas que le quieres ayudar en la cama porque no puede botar leche de su pinga Milk dick si Que tal todo bien Oh la claro kissy e2 muy bien vamos a hacer este programa todo en castellano ya. Yeah, okay It's just like sabado gigante Show on TV

All right, are you gonna tell the audience that you're auditioning to be on sabido gigante? I am trying to be the new host of Salud gigante That's the best show ever Yeah, I have like DNA tests and fun. It's also six hours long Salud gigante last all of Salo It's a giant Saturday show it's a giant Saturday show all Saturday. I understand nothing that's happening There's a clown. There's penguins. There's a song that's happening. It's the best everybody's cheering

That guy is that guy's like 87 no, and he's not isn't he from like Germany or something originally? Oh well He's yeah, he's German blood, but Chilean. I think okay. That's I think that's the don Miguel. Yeah, don What is his name? Do you want to hang out? What is donkey? Sabado gigante. It's done. I think it's done Miguel. No S. A. B. A. E. That guy's the bomb dude He got the G. I. G. Yeah, there you go. What's that guys? Don Francisco on Francisco Now hit that see where it says on the right there presented by on the scroll down See presented by on the right him on the widow. Yeah, there is this fucking guy

You're right Chilean German. See yeah, it's a rat. How old is this dude? 100 scroll down 78 Rockin that shit man, and that's no joke to do a six-hour show. I mean, I don't know how I know Stanema to do that long of a show every second Francisco Your Spanish is impeccable. No, it's not it's got a lot of flaws But I need to work on it which makes me think I might try to do something Spanish. That's a great idea Yeah, I think you're fantastic. I I mean when I understood that's it was great for the for the gringos and gringas

They think I do, you know, so the gringos think yeah, yeah, of course But I mean it's the natives that you got to be able to which accent Well, are you is it Peruvian that you learn to speak with like that? Dialect or whatever. Yeah, I think the dialect that I'm most comfortable with for sure is it's Peruvian Yeah, Latin American Spanish because it's different specifics to that like Mexicano Spanish is different The accent is different the slang is different the you know, but I mean you can definitely understand anybody who's also Speaking Spanish, right? What are some specific Peruvian Spanish? Bad words bad words, right? Like there's a different way to say if your mom

Yeah, and it's going to to mother a same in Mexican Spanish. No, they don't say that. What would they say in LA? I don't know. She got your mother. Yeah, I've heard that in the kitchen a lot when I worked in Waitress. Oh the way see way no way no way. Yeah, wait. Yeah Flaka, they used to call me that one flaka. Gordo. That's all That's all there and then you go to Spain and it's completely different What are they like versus like if you said what's it like to speak here versus London? You know, I mean and do your London Perfect, I will be telling you some jokes perfect in November. Is that the Queen's England? You did like the Queen's

That's how the Queen talks how you do it the Queen. That's the highest To my country So good. I got fucked proper right by the King last night. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, so that's that I read All right, we should probably get to our business for a moment business work So much to do today we have great guests coming it's gonna be a fun I am so excited for these guests today. Oh, it's gonna be a blast. I've been waiting forever for these two people we're gonna have You know this thing is really funny too in like Latin America for nicknames they they just call everybody who's Asian

Chino really everybody and if you're like, yeah, that guy is Korean. They're like, right it's you know, like Chinese for Chinese Chinese is that's interesting in Hungary. They just call them pussy eyes Yeah Yep Poonsi Semed. Poonsi Semed is is a much more aggressive and disrespectful way. Well, Hungarians are very racist It's just a matter of pussy eyes. Poonsi Semed. I don't know is what my family we call them. Yeah, it might be not it might not represent All of Hungary it might just be My racist dad

Well, I know the proper word is quinoa for Chinese people, but I don't know if there's any distinction beyond it's hilarious Because when you're in you you're around latin's you're like, I put a lot of chino and you're like Okay, I'll just go ask the Chinese man. Like that's basically what they're saying. There's only one version Yeah, they see an agent like oh yeah, Chino and then and and then the Asian person will always be like, what's up? They always respond He was saying blue man was saying that in Farsi it's something similar. Oh, is that right? Yeah, the word that they have for that is just like almond eyes And like when I went to college one of my friends took a Farsi class Because we all knew that that's what they called them

And so when they went over like what you call the different races Yeah, they said the word for almond eyes and my friend was like, isn't that like derogatory though? And someone correct. It's like that's the only word we have Sorry, we're not changing Yeah, no, it's funny in like in a Spanish-speaking country like actually I'm Filipino. They'd be like you're Chino Just tell you that's what we call you well also, too They're very open about your shape or your like if you're fat you're a Gordo and they do it like 100% Gordo is really that shaming if you're really fat. They'll call you flaco, right?

Like I thought Flaco is skinny. No, no, it is. Oh, but it's a joke. Yeah, you're such a fucking So they'll call you Gordo or Gordo and then they'll be like you're a big fat ass. Okay, Flaco Yeah, and Hungarian we just call it disno. It's like a big pig. Yeah, this nose again. That's Kind of less listen to this white trash laugh. I have how many packs Oh This is the coffee I got on the flight home. You're sick. I'm telling you man. I don't know how anybody Doesn't get AIDS from traveling all the time. It's the worst. I get sick all you get sick all like then there We have children too on top of it makes it worse fucker. All right now. I know let's let's let's get to the show

Let's open the show. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we haven't even done it. I'm still thinking about those frickin needles. Those It's been in everybody's I know it's a real son. It's real banger in the car today He's like I want to I want to listen to I go what I was thinking he's gonna say he goes no more no more Because we've been listening to one of the versions at the house a lot. Yeah, all right, let's start the show ready See I'm gonna talk to the sheriff's department about you buddy, okay Don't bring anyone loving to this You

Yeah, this is a pretty nice guy, right? Well, it's always bold to call the guy in a security outfit the F word. Yeah, well, it's also by the way The guy in the security has done nothing to promote this man. That was just fucking crazy. Where is this? I'm not sure where this is, but this guy is such an asshole that walk Hey, bro, I'm on record for a moment. What is this place anyways? What is this place? You don't need to film. Oh, I'm gonna go to documentary. Listen here. I don't care I don't want to be this is America. You dumb son of a bitch. Okay, you dumb son of a bitch I'm a private person and I'm fucking America. You stupid fuck. I can ask you anything I want

That's how he starts his morning. This is a morning to this guy's like I'm gonna take my dog for a walk start some shit Yeah, there's this guy did nothing wrong, but drink a 12er before he looks red in the face Looks a little hammered I can tell you know Baby raper on your face. Okay, you're the one looks like a baby raper Baby raper would you escape from jail? What's up there? Chomo? Listen here? Well, how do you get a job here? They're fuckface. I'm not by talking like that. Oh, you know what? You're fired, bud Oh, okay. Mm-hmm guys whacked out on drugs

Yeah, I always one of the great things about seeing clips like these is to remind yourself That people like this are walking around everywhere everywhere everywhere you go There's a guy like like that who you think is just like oh, it's just guy walking his dog. No, no He wants to come up to be like, what's your fucking problem fuckface? That guy's just walking around. He's just waiting for somebody Oh Yeah, terrifying. You're talking to me. I'm a fucking American You don't touch my camera through the fence. You faggot. I'm gonna talk to the sheriff's department about you, buddy

Okay, go get him. Go get him. Yeah, I'm gonna talk to the sheriff's department You know what you're firing. Okay, you didn't follow Proto. What do you get a job here? You know what protocol is? Yeah, I take cops badges all the time doing it You know you're talking to a retired double agent there you fucking Fucking double agent you are word you are I don't say the hour. Yeah, sure you don't sure okay He just lost your life. Okay, as far as your job goes my life. I told you job Job bitch. That's not what you said. Well, we're changing it to job because you're taking it out of context there What's your name anyways?

Uh-huh. Well, what are we gonna go for drugs or mental illness? This might be one for dr. Drew I'm I'm I first I thought drugs. I'm leaning towards mental illness. Yeah, I would definitely add this to the drew list But yeah, I'm going with a combination of the two. I think it's mental illness exacerbated by alcohol and drugs Ooh interesting combo now. There's some level of delusion. There's something that about about Starting early that kind of makes it a fun. Wait a minute. I am really Harder I fuck this don't judge people shit. Yeah, I agree. I'm really judging harshly these morning drinkers that I keep Like, you know, if unless it's spring break you're on vacation like this daily morning drinker type I got to tell you you're a piece of shit. Well, you think it's bad to wake up and drink alcohol

You're insane, of course, you're crazy thing to do The only time it's okay is if you're in first class and they're like do you want a champagne or mimosa? That's it. I don't know man. I vacation right you can drink at the morning on vacay. Sure, but like I'm on flights You know person next to you for bloody Mary. Oh, yeah, you know 6 a.m. flights with the guys like, you know, they go I do anything. I go, you know, just water. Maybe you want coffee and the guys like You give me a couple jack and coke. Yeah, it's six o'clock in the morning Yeah, even a coke at six in the morning is gross so gross. We know hold on my theory with this one Is that he didn't go to bed the crazies?

They stay up and they party all night and then the voices in his head told him that this guy is an f word our word I got to tell you it's a it's a reasonable theory. It's a it's a reasonable theory that this guy's not big on getting his hours Yeah, like I don't think he was up walking the dog or getting his exercise in fucking piece of shit I think he was called sheriff's department. Yeah, I think he was up tweaking hard all night He got all fired up and he made a theory in his head that this guy is a target and he needs to go straight in this guy Yeah, that's what happened. Yeah Yeah Touch my camera through

Okay Here's the end you want to see how it ends. I got it. I think I got it. Here's the big end. I understand So you see these wire here, but you just got your job there, buddy. It's baby raper on your face clothes. Okay, ta ta there return He didn't fall proto buddy. You're done Ta ta there retard. Please tell me that's a drop. That's please tell me we have that ice. Okay Ta ta there return The best this is my favorite job right now. Yeah, ta ta there return one more time ta ta there return It's such a great alliteration tap on the teeth

Ta ta there retard very nice cadence very fluid. I think we have a second drop It's almost like not so Christina's you know saying the same thing light of my life fire of my loins I said my job here to fuck face Like you expect I'd be like, oh well what you got to do is there's a form that you fill out He's like glad you asked. Yeah You're asking me a little hostile, but Jesus how do you get a job here to fuck face? I Like this guy's whole speech, you know, he's he's got he's he might be

Borderline he might be like, you know, he likes confrontation. He likes come. He's got to behave interesting. You noted because People who start with like fuck face. They want they want that action You know what? You know what that action boss. This game is like a wine drinking contest where we we take a glass and then we What are we smelling? What are the aromas? What are the notes of your behavioral issues? A lifetime of trauma Drug use alcoholism untreated mental illness doesn't sleep very much Abandoned therapy Violent tendencies, let's see we have yes with three years in prison back in

Yeah subtle notes of rage and depression. I'm gonna go with here's voices. I'm hearing a lot of schizophrenic notes I'm gonna go with no marriages No can't maintain relationships You got that smokers laugh too, have you noticed that and that's her natural laugh Yeah, you sound like dastardly dog when you I do I do I know what is that flim? Yeah, it's always there flim is always no flim's not always there. How come you laugh like you're even smoking? I don't know 27. I don't know. It's just how I laugh. I know. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah, get it looked at. Yeah I'll get it looked at

By bye you But it sounds like that home alone thing. Yeah, keep the change you felt the animal Yeah, it's that it's my tata you retard Do it again Keep the chain keep the chain tata they're retarded Jewish McCulloch Olkin what is And wave he's like six years old seven tata you retard All right, did you miss me I was gone you win I

I Was gone I went to milk donkey. I went to Chicago and I went to mom's and massive huge tits And it was fucking insane. I mean I'm talking theaters full of Mommies so who literally and that's everybody was screaming soo whoo, which is a gang thing and any was expressing some Why are you acting like you're just learning that now? I forgot Okay, what do you think people are saying it from I Remember the tick tock that guy. Yeah, who was like call me fake blood soo whoo mother fuck

But I didn't know that sue it was like a shout-out to the Crips. Yeah, it's like let's get down It's like we're ready to do this. And he went to battle cry. Well, what does sue woos down? It's short for something Yes, no, yeah, it's it's exactly what you said. It's like a battle crab, but it's not for Crips. It's for blood. Oh sorry Fake-ass blood get my affiliation straight. Yeah, obviously you're a false-ass blood, but if you This public announcement goes out to all you bitch-ass niggas that motherfucker claim that I'm a false blood Bitch call me out and see if I'm a wall fucking false blood. You niggas don't work. No wreck soo whoo bitch-ass niggas Right

Is not playing and by the way not playing I do not doubt his Dedication to the no Now I have a couple of tick-tock you the man updates. I won't bore you with the clips this week I've just been putting them straight on my Insta stories. Thank you at the Christina P. I put them all there You may look at my stories. I keep them up to date a couple of notes Unfortunately at 95 pigeons was let go from his job. Do what? Yeah. Yeah, 95 pigeons That's the guy who did the my one of my favorite tick-tockers. That was the one where he goes Oh, he poured the coffee goes. I wish this car

This coffee was your your spit. Yeah. No, this is This was my spit in the cup with your mouth and then he poured the coffee into the mug and then it overflowed He's like wouldn't that be nice? He just smiles It's so funny. That's very funny. Well, and I recently reposted one of him He spits it in a frying pan at his job, and I don't know. I'm not saying it's my fault, but I I Think he was let go because of the they someone found the tick-tock. So yeah, it's not your fault That would definitely be on him First spitting in a pan at work. It was good

It was a it's on my Insta stories if you want to see the one in question. He did a great job So if anybody would like to offer 95 pigeons a new gig, I think he'd be open to that Maybe you could you get him to promise not to do that? Yeah. Yeah, I think lesson learned I mean also the I heard you bitches was looking for me She's very close to being fired from her McDonald's gig right now It looks like it's about to happen. So if you want to give her a gig too, you may reach out to how often her How often because I don't know how often does she post? That you know, I mean the variants of I heard you bitches look for me

It's here. I go every day. She's a different variants And I think the problem is that she's been doing it at work in her McDonald's uniform And I think management's coming down on her for that, you know, and they're trying to find other ways to squeeze her out But you know Yeah Well, I wish we could find 90 that you can't find that one the best best to to both of them And yeah, I hope somebody hires 95 pigeons. How was it? Did you ride the choo-choo train? I did. I rode the choo-choo from Milwaukee to Chicago

And it's so fun. I think it's such a fun It's so exciting and I think I'm far more excited than most people. You got me my beats by Dre Headphones and now I feel way cooler than I am wearing those around town. They're super comfortable. They're so good It got me thinking though First of all, what What is life like when I'm not around for you? What do you do because I came home and I noticed you were sleeping on my side of the bed So that got me thinking what else are you up to when I'm not home?

What's the variant in your routine? I'm trying to think it's really it's it's not that much different It used to be different when we didn't have kids and we didn't have kids and you left town I would feel like this very bizarre Sense of not knowing what to do not feeling grounded Yeah, and I would stay up till four or five in the morning every night. Mm-hmm and just like, you know I would eat at like 2 a.m. I Wouldn't cook any paste the floor I would not and then you'd come home. I'd be like, oh, it's time to

Have like an adult. Yeah. Yeah, it's different when you have kids now. Yeah I mean, I definitely watched a bunch of serial killer shit Yeah, and as loud as you wanted because I wasn't trying to sleep next to you. I'm assuming yeah So that was that's one of the big differences. Yeah, I mean what else it's not that much different What about your masturbation routine? Yeah Sometimes I try to save it for you. So you have a nice treat when you get home So I try not to waste it, you know, it was really neat this morning. I'm clearly not I'm under the weather I'm coughing. I'm sick. And what did you say to me as I was getting ready? I don't know

What did I say? You're like, are we gonna do it or what because it'll make you feel better. Oh, yeah I thought it would make you feel better. You said you weren't feeling good and you thought intercourse would help my car I mean, I thought a brief like a brief in-out in-out might make you be like, oh, I feel better now You know, thanks. I mean, I don't know. I still don't understand how it's a problem Well, I don't really feel very good. Yeah, but maybe you'll feel better. That's what I was trying to say Like do you want to feel better? Or do you want to stay sick?

Anyways, I noticed When you're gone My routine's really stringent actually really. Yeah, I felt like I put the kids down and then it's bitsy time She and I that is different aggressive. That is just my girl. I hang more with bitsy Yeah, I bond with her more when you're gone because it is just us Mm-hmm, right when you're there bitsy's there and we spend time but when you're just kind of kicker off the bed And yeah, when when you're gone. We spent a lot more yeah close time more pets more pets for more cuddles Scratch more belly scratches. Yeah. Yeah, I definitely wear

Radier pajamas and I look shittier when you're not around Like I don't make much of an effort But then when you're home, I want to look nice, you know, yeah makeup and stuff. I feel like when you're gone I really step up my game, you know, I Take care of myself. I put on Try to see what's going on out there. You know, I mean, what's going on Stupid see who's So now that I didn't milk your donkey

Before your trip you're about to leave tonight. Yeah, does this mean you're gonna get sexually gratified on the road? I don't know Means whatever happens happens You're gonna get it at somewhere else cuz I didn't put out today. Yeah, it could happen What yeah, it's not even a possibility that is so stupid. It's not it's not happening Now with our I get hit on a lot Please I get hitting on you a lot of who's hitting on you. What kind of girls very good-looking girls. I was wearing my My Saudi Arab hat Mm-hmm, and

You know you saw Whitney Cummings spotted me. She did she lives just down the street and she was like hey, that's It's a really hot hat you have on I was like, thanks And then she was like, oh my god, I didn't realize with you I thought it was like this hot guy wearing this cool hat There it is. Oh, there's the there's 95 pigeons 95 pigeons and then there's yeah, there you are and then Couple as soon as she walked away. I was like leave me alone. I'm trying to work out these two other girls They're like you look pretty hot. Are you alone? Are you walking alone? I was like, I mean, I guess Then they follow me and they like showed me their tits. I was like get out of here. Okay

Anyways, you're in maximum dad mode with this look. I came up with a stellar. Would you rather on the road? Oh, okay, it's been a long time. Yeah Terry that's a Terry. Yeah. All right. Are you ready for my would you rather? Yeah Okay, this is for everybody to play so listen up you guys Would you rather well? No, it's not really that it's more like an option. Okay You can eat anything you want and be thin like you can be your ideal weight and eat anything you want basically or any yeah Mm-hmm But you have to take an inch off your peener

Okay, and you can be your ideal weight for the rest of your life. Yeah Yes, yeah, and that's it. Okay, what's the other? There's no other I'm just saying like would you do this thing? Yeah But to take an inch off of your peener. Oh, yes. Oh wow nidov Well, I mean like if I'm any weight that I want to be I feel like I'm already gonna gain some inches on my peener Yeah, so I feel like it's kind of like You know what I lose. I've already gained. Okay. So what are you saying? You'll do it. Yeah. Yeah, of course. I would do it and he's already there. Yeah. Hey, yeah I mean, I got the best of both worlds

I got enough to spare on the peener. I'm gonna be my ideal weight forever. So it's okay. All right Everybody has their gift. Everybody has their gift. Okay. What about height? You can eat what you want stay thin, but you have to be five inches shorter than five inches shorter Five oh, sorry. That's too much. It's pretty dramatic. What about? That's good amount. No, then they know these no, I'm not gonna drop down five inches. Yeah No, that's a whole that's a whole new world. Yeah, it's a life of change. Yes That's what I know it would revamp who I am as a human being right, but you're skinny. I know whatever you know It's a different experience. I don't want it. No

You guys eat anything you want, but five inches shorter. Yeah I feel like I'm already under six feet. I feel like I can't I can't do that So I'm like 510. So what I'm gonna be some 5-5 loser Pass real nice way of putting that. Yeah, geez I Would do it for the height thing. I guess I could be my badge would be looser. Is that the mm-hmm an inch looser No, no, you're at your badge would be five inches looser. No, no the first scenario my my badge would be an inch Yeah, I don't care yeah, okay to be skinny I'd have it blown up. No, it doesn't work like that

You have to have that super loose roast beef Then I do bit I do but sex and then you I start to learn to do but sex like sure Sure No, you wouldn't no you wouldn't you would not You would You'd have your super loose badge. Yeah, and then you'd be like all these guys you'd be like oh, I got all these options Look at all these guys. That's the problem and then there'd be like three of them in you at the same time And they're like we still can't feel it

Okay, two inches off your peener You know you're taking more dick size away. I'm taking more dick size Two inches is kind of significant two inches off your peener one. You can kind of be like all right, but two I mean there's not that much to work with Well, that's like that's the catch right like you're gonna attract all these sweet honeys because you're all fit and shit But the body of your dreams you get to have the body of your dreams, but I'm taking two inches off your peener I'm just gonna stick with how I am Yeah, yeah, I just deal with it. You tune it up. Choose a lot. Yeah, choose a lot. Choose a lot, dude

To let me maybe not for any here. We go So this is this is one inch right here. That is not So you got let's see that's basically like two inches bro, so that's a lot of dong. Yeah My sloppy badge would be that I don't think so. I think I would just be like You know, I would just be who I am and if someone doesn't like it. I would just be like talk to other retard, you know I mean Todd Todd they're retard My god, I'm so dumb

I got to the I got to the train station early because I don't really take trains and I was like a nervous Nelly and I ate breakfast at the Amtrak station. It's a fucking bad idea. I was so disgusting. Yeah, that's such a stupid idea I'm like, oh my trains make me nervous. Yeah, I get so nervous Riding a train, right because I don't ride them regularly. Yes the the boarding like I actually I went up to a guy at Penn station Who was talking there and I tapped him on the shoulder and he looked at his shoulder Wait as is to signify Why are you touching me? He was like

And I go, oh hi, I just Supposed to go to Philadelphia He was like, okay And I go I just I just want to make sure cuz I get I get nervous I'm like, I want to make sure I'm in the right spot. He was like, he's like, yeah What I don't like their system either. I'm like, why is it on the board? And they're like when it's ready to board it'll pop up on the on that board that gives me panic Like but it is leaving from here. Yeah, but it doesn't say it anywhere. Mm-hmm. Not till they're ready to go

And you're like, all right. Well, that's yeah, it's not it's not a system that Would make you feel at ease. I agree. Yeah, so anyways, it freaked me out I But I do love Like I love the train ride. I love it. You do right. I wish I could take them more often You can actually take one from here to Seattle Really, how long does that take they're like double the time on Amtrak? A couple days. I'm sure that's too much, bro I don't want that but they didn't serve any food which bothers me

I hate feeling like there's no way to eat food on the travel area I get very nervous at least give me a snacky snack. Yeah Give me a snack or water. I get very upset. Oh, there it is. Look at that. Look at the chooch there. Yeah, all right Get pull up. Oh, it takes forever, dude. I looked at it one time. I think Experience is the experience there or destinations But I'd want to take a fancer train not the frickin Amtrak had it the dirty Amtrak Right, so isn't that? All right, oh, that's where all the Amtrak goes. Wow, dang you could go all the way across the US pretty much in I know man

I want to take I Always do that when I'm on those trains, too I talk I talk to like the people that work on it like I'm a kid I go the choo-choo gonna go keep going and they're like, yep Is it scary? No, sir Like, okay, we make choo-choo noise. All right, I do get excited though. It's so fun to go on a choo-choo How long does it say hours? I should it's gonna take days to get to a meat rattle. Yeah, dude from LA to meat

Rattle about at least two days three days. That's what I was guessing. Yeah, but I don't think that'd be a kind of an awesome ride No, not on an Amtrak. I would do like the Orient Express. No, these have sleeper cars These aren't are they like nice ones or they like what do you mean like don't 33 hours It's got to be nice, right? That's your bunk bed doesn't it have to get a bunkie Does it have like some image of what the train is like? There it is. There's your drawing. There's your bunkie. It's like prison No, no, no, dude. That's fucking not nah nah, bro. Look at that. It's like a fucking changing table It looks terrible. There's gotta be a nice one stuff. There has to be a nice bra. Of course there is Coach business class seat. Let's see. There's there's definitely a nice one. I'm sure okay

There's no complimentary bottle of water in business class Snap stepping it up But I did take a lot of uber yovas. I took a lot of oovas and Had a lot of people driving me around. Oh, that looks Horrifying looks like a dorm room like a four people crammed in I gotta say they're not really selling it on their side With the yeah, you don't want to spend 33 hours in there in the shoe In the special housing unit of Amtrak. No, yeah, they're just they should they should have a photo this drawing is not like There's you and I we could be up there scroll up. There's time and I holding it

Look at the toilets right by your head, too. That's nice. It is just like a prison cell. Look at that Look, you got a living room. You can take a shit right where you're sleeping. That's fun more. Okay. All right Okay, so it's not terrible. No, I think it'd be fun I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna take these guys on the train. We'd scroll up in a dive I want to see Tom and I sitting together. I'm an arm up up up There we are. There you are. Yeah She's giving him a hand job under the paper. No, she's not. Yeah, you don't see her other arm. See And where's her other hand? It's on their Bible right now. She's like don't you like how you can eat whatever you want and not gain weight?

Your dicks can fit in my hand now Yeah, you're so thin He comes That's really nice. Can you imagine taking a shit on this this photos like they don't babe listen Their whole marketing division needs to get any help. It's really like why are the elderly on you should make it cool People are fucking old. They shouldn't be on a train. Listen. Yeah Do you think you would be hard to take a dump on the Amtrak though because you know how it's like It's moving I can dump there. No problem. No problem. No, I don't think I could dump on the plane

We're gonna do a family. We're gonna do a family train ride. No, please. Yeah. No Like that. Who's this guy? This is rapist. Did you see my caption? It was pretty good. Yeah, you want to get into porn? I was like you're trying to break into the adult business. Are you tested and willing to work power at me? Kind of looks like that, right? No, it's not kind of definitely look like that. Yeah. Yeah Wow, it's looking good. Mr. Ladybug right there. Ladybug Mecca Changing like seasons. I was walking in I was walking out of a ride aid and this Black lady who was I don't know probably like in her 20s. She goes. Okay, Ladybug I was wearing that shirt. Oh, I go what she goes. Mr. Ladybug

Okay, white shirt. I was like, I'm gonna take that. I'm gonna adopt that nickname right now I like when people do that. Yep. So that's why that's how I go by it's endearing, isn't it? Mr. Ladybug. Yeah Yeah, it's like sounds like coming a sugar foot. It just feels like a good. I like it. I like it What would my nickname be your nickname? Milk flaps, I knew it Donkey tits donkey tits is good. I like donkey tits. I'm gonna write that down DJ donkey. What's up 2% Yeah, 2% milk. Yep. Welcome is only 2% you don't think I can make whole milk. Okay, whole milk then. What's up almond tits? That's a good one stupid

It's a good one Oh, but one thing I did have a lot of when I was taking my uvas Yeah, is the driver who looks in the rear view mirror as they're having a conversation with you So they can make eye contact and I hate it so much. I discourage it constantly It's not safe to do sir. One time we had dry contact a guy pick us up when we lived in the South Bay and We he was driving he was looking talking. He was like, yeah, yeah, and then he was like You know what else is crazy is and he he would turn Oh, and this is on the 405 like, you know, you're driving

6575 miles an hour Fuck that's so dumb, bro. It's so unsafe. I don't need fucking. I don't need you to look at me Look like I can talk to you. I don't have to look at you. Go ahead and talk to him. Yeah. Hey, see it works That was a really good test. Yeah That was such a good example of how that works. It works. Yeah It does work and I took a lot of squirrely dumps on this trip, man. Yeah, like you would not believe Well, you're like you're you make the brown and then You're like, I can't believe I'm making more brown right now like it's all soft serve and it was so much

I had to shit to shower a few times on this journey Okay, no like your dumps weren't squirrel. I'd I've had nice dumps. All right. Well, you were gone. I had really nice dumps Just saying I did If you're interested, they were really nice And don't forget to check out the merch store store merch method comm slash Tom Segura So a bunch of things sold out during the last sale. We're restocking. We have some new stuff coming out in a couple of weeks So we're excited about that. Thank you very much for supporting it It's almost time to take a break because we're gonna have a guest here very soon

Let's get into some Shows right some day coming up. Let's do that. I'm just I'm just I'm just I'm just Frickin needles those freaking needles way No, like you puncture no more No, like you puncture. Well, I like this one too. Yeah, this is a jam. This is a Catatonia by Kanan he likes it. Yeah This is All right, who's going first? I'll go go. Oh, you go. I'm gonna be yeah

San Jose Oakland and Los Angeles That is this week, please If you haven't gotten tickets San Jose, so has a few the early show on the 20th Well, excuse me the only show in the 20th in Los Angeles Santa Barbara that has a few tickets available Then I am off for a little stretch before I go to El Paso Tucson

Phoenix has a few tickets left in the late show in Denver on the 28th. The other one is sold out Then I go to Des Moines Lincoln Sioux City Minneapolis and Fargo Minneapolis has tickets available to the late show And Fargo is nearly sold out Try to get tickets to that While you can then it's off to Europe for me. Oh my god added a Second show by the way November 7th in New York City, and I've added a second show the next night in Ben Salem

Very excited to do that plus Buffalo Syracuse Finally a late show a fourth show has been added in Austin. That is November 17th. Very excited Thank you so much Tom cigarette comm slash tour for all those shows gene Excite so I'm doing a kind of a residency at Flappers Here in Burbank. I'm doing a brand new material in the you who room every Thursday Starting this week the 19th come and see me in the you who just very intimate I just like to fart around and then September 22nd I'm doing the life is beautiful festival in Las Vegas. That's a festival guys

So you'll just see me do a spot there September 26 back at Burbank in the you who room Nashville Zaini's October 3rd through 5th. Yes, October 10th. I'm back at Flappers in the you who October 17th Irvine sperm vine California the sperm vine improv November 22nd See at all at the Neptune tickets are almost gone for that one same with Portland at the Aladdin theater November 23rd Get them now Christina P. Online. The shit is moving fast yo, you know the Neptune I know That's why I love it. It's like a it's a good feeling. It didn't tell me where Ali did hers too. I love it

Yeah, it's it's like a friend All right We're gonna take a quick break That you'll never register and then well, that's how you why we tell him I order lunch for you guys I try to order gasses gassy foods so that you guys fart a lot and that you'll fart in the fart mic Fart mic subset on Twitter. Okay. Will you fart? I don't think so All right, I'll see you soon. Bye Okay, this is wild

I cannot believe you're actually sitting here because we've you know, I've known who you are for so long Sometimes when you do these shows, you're like, there's no fucking way that person like I'm meeting this person You know, I mean, I've seen them from a distance and now you're sitting here jackass alum Wildman comedian Dog owner all-around good guy Steve. Oh, so thank you for coming today. I'm very happy you're here Thank you for having me. Let me just say I think it's amazing that you're alive. Yeah, and in one piece. Yeah, I agree I'll just say fuck it if you guys can hear that I'm good. Okay

Because we got stuff to show Terrible start but dad, but thank you Great way to get going. Oh Have to ask you. I've heard nothing bad, but fantastic things from everybody. I told that I'm coming here today. Yeah Steven Randolph Here yes, and he told us This you know well a bunch of crazy shit But one of them was how like he was in the building like the hustler building sure guys were there and he was an intern

for big brother magazine, which was the incubator for jackass Just like a bunch of reckless skateboarders, right? Right what it was was This just this magazine that was started by like a skateboard company tycoon Who? Just wanted to have a pet project Making a magazine that served essentially no purpose whatsoever other than to be just completely inappropriate

It's all wildly offensive. Yeah. Yeah He had a company like a conglomeration of companies and there he would promote his companies like with these absurd ads like one was For the skateboard company and it was just a picture of a kid with a gun is a little kid with a gun in his mouth And it said the name of the skateboard company and just kill yourself And that was like you know apart for the course for how this guy Steve Rocco promoted his skateboard companies But when the kill yourself ad arrived at Thrasher magazine and Transworlds skateboard magazine They both said hey, we're not printing this to send it back and sort of indignant this guy said oh, yeah

You don't like my fucking ads. How about fuck you? I want my name. I'm gonna start my own magazine So that's wow that was how big brother started was just fuck you and he didn't want to put anything in the pages of Big Brother Unless it was like would not be Suitable or allowed in another other magazine. So that was like sort of the bar and that's very punk rock of this guy Oh, he's fucking epic. Yeah, it's his name Steve Rocco there's a whole thing and They came out with like, you know, and they like smart people and like legitimate journalism So when they wrote articles like how to buy crack, you know, like it was real, right?

You know like the ten most effective ways to commit suicide Totally real it was filled with nudity. It had like, you know for the for their cover concepts They would actually like put together a stack of Bibles set it on fire and have like a pro skateboarder dressed up as Satan holding a Pitchport jumping over it, you know, that's awesome. Yeah, they crucified people. They did all kinds of awesome stuff and Then when they put out their their Kids issue what this was for like the the best very young Skateboarders in the world. Yeah, and Ryan Sheckler was there's an eight-year-old Ryan Sheckler on the cover And that they were just saying horrible things to these to these kids and asking them if the kids if it would make you a pro

Skateboarder would you fuck your mother? That was what pushed them over the limit, you know, where at least you know people got outraged and yeah So Larry Flint found out about this when there was like all this kids issue and they're what they're doing these little kids And Larry Flint viewed it as an exciting First Amendment kind of a thing and so he bought Steve Rocco's sold big brother magazine to Larry Flint and I was in the first magazine The first issue that was published by Larry Flint was the one that had my article Which was called the Burning Boy Festival where I burnt the skin off half my face and And that was how my career essentially started but when Larry Flint bought the magazine from Steve Rocco

the editor in chief, you know They did the creative guy was Jeff Tremaine who would go on to Jackass and direct all the movies and Jeff Tremaine knew Spike Jones Mm-hmm and And they had like every so often big brother was all of the filth all of the fucked up shit that was in big brother magazine Periodically, there would be like a video where you got to see like the behind the scenes of everything that had gone into the magazine And these big brother videos were wildly popular super popular and

Jeff Tremaine who was in charge of making those videos reached out to Spike Jones and he said hey spike. I think You know with the this crazy cult following this popularity of our videos He says I really don't think anybody gives a fuck about the skateboarding that's in there He says I think if we Subtract the skateboarding from the big brother videos then what's left over could make a great TV show and so they just put together a video Like of everything except the skateboarding which left You know me and Knoxville and we man and Chris Ponies So wait were you guys cuz like this something I'm sure you've told the story a bunch, so I apologize

Yeah, it's all good man. I love this the there's actually a documentary about the like the the origins of jackass and it's called Dumb dumb. It's just called dumb. Okay. Yeah It's called dumb the story of big brother magazine when you guys You guys were all buddies and you're all I guess, you know, obviously skateboarding fucking around having fun making each other laugh Are you because most of the world is introduced to you on this show and then the movies as Part of this click but as like the fucking most Outrage like doing the crazy were you doing that to like amuse your friends before the cameras like were they like hey Who's gonna jump off this fucking thing and crack their head you're like, I'll do it like I set my hair on fire and all

Yes, I Was a disturbed child from you were on set. Yeah I had a real a really rough go at childhood really sort of yeah, like I was Like so driven so compelled to really try to win the favor of my peers Yeah, and I was so aggressive about it so like overwhelming and like I had that it brought about the opposite results I was seeking what about like But what does that mean like well like that's actually something that my sixth grade teacher wrote on my report cards it's Steve so wants the approval and

I know whatever the you know the attention and the adulation approval the you know of his peers and What he does, you know to brings about the opposite result. Oh, it like ends up horrifying them Right like here. Okay. Here's a story that I've distinctly told before but it's quick and it's fucked up I was in fifth grade attending school in London, England Because you grew up in different I grew up. Yeah By the time I was Four I had lived in three different countries and spoken three different languages. Really? Yeah, military. My dad was a big corporate hot shot Which just run us really quick. I guess born in England. Okay, six months old moved to Brazil

Spoke my first words in Portuguese because I was raised by living maids And because my dad was the president of all of Pepsi Cola in all of Brazil Which he describes as Like guys first like I don't know a startup entry-level job or so. He was a fucking badass my dad And so then he got promoted to all of running all of Pepsi Cola and like all of South America and So then when I was two we moved to Venezuela Cheese and I spoke fluent Spanish in nursery school. Oh and then when I was four we moved to

Darian, Connecticut, I forget if that was still Pepsi I think it was and then he became a big tobacco CEO and we moved to Miami Wow, and then he ran Like Del Monte canned foods and like all of like Asia and what was your mom and all this she was drunk Which explains Side of the family like mom side of the family Alcoholism does not skip a generation. It has not ever right generation It's actually never missed a leaf on the tree or the family trees. The roots are all so Yeah, that's why I was so eager to get a vasectomy

Is that why yeah, but well that because I always had that cool stunt idea the vasectomy Olympics So much people faint at my on my new tour wait, let's go. Let's go back to the story. Okay. Yeah, so well the the story with the I'm in 10th grade and Sorry, I'm 10 years old in 5th grade I It was like my my the last of my baby teeth there, you know, right? And I had enough experience with tears coming out

That I knew that right when it first You know feels a little bit loose, but it's not like it's just starting to get loose that if you rip it out like Like really like sort of violently like, you know prematurely it's gonna bleed a lot, right? and so And this is like, you know, I had this experience So I walked into my Spanish class and there was this like like

Pretty girl in the class who I would otherwise would have been terrified to sit next to you But on this particular day, I walked in class and I went right sit next to the pretty girl and I said to her I don't have to be in class today. I can leave whenever I want and she looked at me like I was like, you know Like whatever like you weirdo, you know And so then sure enough class started and and I just grabbed this tooth and I just ripped it out and there's just all this blood and You know, I let the blood be like coming out of my mouth and I raised my hand to the teacher And I said teacher I need to go to the nurse

She saw the blood and she said go go, you know, of course go to the nurse And I stood up and turned to the chick and I was like I told you so And I just went like get like prancing and dancing around through the hallways of the school Just like the little creep that I was just bleeding out of your mouth. Yeah And then pain isn't an issue with how do you deal with pain? I don't have any spectacular or you know an unusual pain threshold I just have like such an overdeveloped need for attention. Wow. I consider myself a world-class attention But that's fascinating though. That's really actually really interesting when you're talking to stand up calm

Yeah, we get it, but it's also like it. It's I mean, I think it's important a for people to know That it's not that like you should you should definitely not try stevo shit at home. I don't think people do There's been plenty of that but the Finger of blame hasn't been pointed at me or my buddies for a long time now the the internet is kind of yeah taken off Yeah, no, there's that what is that that human? Superhuman you've seen that guy super the juggalo who just jumps off of his back porch on to this different You know, it's always like that's a pretty cool. Yeah, I mean it's misspelled, but He it's always him jumping off of his back porch like this. There you go. Yeah, and so he just

He says, you know It's always for juggalos Keep it fresh and exciting. I don't know Always shirtless and then he just He does it on the bar wire on the right like an old air conditioner he was so faced forward like it, you know How do you feel about it, how does that make you feel you're like rookie machine, you know I don't want to like talk bad, but I will say that doesn't look you're the expert Well, let me there's a kid who who caught my attention online, you know

Like a really overweight kid and he was like strapping fireworks all around himself and and he called it like a suicide vest or something it was like and And I really like I thought it was really great, you know, and I I put I posted it and We actually arranged for the kid to come out and film and I'm thinking this kid is so next level gnarly like like just like and And by my house I go on this hike. There's all these cactuses. So I thought, you know, okay, like You know, the kid would probably be happy to like ride a skateboard down this hill and just into the cactuses, which I had to share not be he was all going home and I tried to impart on this kid like here's the thing

It's important like when when we do stuff like this that it not just be like, hey, I'm gonna hurt myself Like we want to find a way to like make it compelling to like sort of wrap comedy around it So I think that the way to make this more like palatable more like light and and fun is to say, okay This is so exciting that like the he's actually gonna come down here We've got this ramp and he's very easily gonna jump over this entire cactus patch. Like, you know, oh And I reached out to Tony Hawks I was like, yeah, dude, you know, we got Tony, I get it like the whole thing It's like we actually went around and we put a landing ramp on the other side

And yeah, that was another one that was a real hit. Yeah I loved and I think you make a good distinction here is that if it's just dudes jumping on barbed wire or getting kicked in the nuts Like even though that's always funny It gets tiring but what was so great about jackass and I was I fucking watched every episode I saw all the movies The joy of just the theme song because you knew like it was a bunch of guys who were buddies who liked being with each other Who are just being a bunch of slap-dicks like you guys were like the cool Skateboarders in school like the cool boys that you'd watch do record shit. I fun I

appreciate the kind words and and thank you If You know, I don't know the like the cool I think what the what worked for us is that we That we were able to not take ourselves seriously and like we were sort of comfortable being uncool You know, and that's where I think of the yeah, like the barbed wire thing. I mean, okay There's just there was just something kind of like Like this is a serious thing, you know

I don't know and again, I don't want to like, you know be mean or anything but That's what I think was good was good about jackass was that In all of the stupidity there was something kind of like if not clever like light-hearted fun Yeah, and then you guys are having you as like as it developed The audience is in on the fact that it's like its bits and like you guys are trying like you're having fun Watching these guys fuck with each other. Yeah, and you know, they're attempting something and you're like, is it gonna work out? Is it sure hurt? So it's like a game, you know, you kind of feel like you're hanging out part of the group

There's a lot of science and yeah, yeah, and after talking about that the kids we did we He had this Instagram handle his name's Zach Holmes and he had this Instagram handle That was like trilly some weird number and then like TSTD and I was like, why does your fucking Instagram say STD? and like how the fuck did and so I reached out to Instagram on his behalf and I was like Hey, this guy's screen name is bullshit and you know like and We can we want to change it to Zach ass because his name's Zach

That's good. Yeah, and so we got it's a Zach ass for him and now he's got a little career going No, I root for the kid. That's awesome. I have so many things to ask. Yeah, let's do it. Let's keep this moving, man We gotta we gotta we gotta make the goods. Well, this is stupid. This is just a dumb I have so many dumb questions for important guests, but yes, one of my favorite episodes Was it what I think you were getting a tattoo in a moving Jeep? Yeah, the worst Can I see it? If you That's not the worst one. Oh my god, that one made me laugh so hard. Yeah, if you blur your eyes, you can see it's a smiley face

Um Moving it was like a bumpy road and you're getting a tattoo. It's crazy. Yeah, I was so on Cocaine for that whole pretty much that whole movie and and particularly I was I think maybe on days three Of a cocaine bender for that scene. Would you do like bumps right before you roll? You know, I mean where you like Oh, yeah, yeah, like let's go. Yeah. Yeah, yeah Yeah, that that whole first movie like I was on a cycle of Like awake for two days, you know two days on one day off two days on one day up like Yeah, and that went on for so when you guys when this like when those videos

I remember when I remember when the videos like when MTV first started airing this and we were like holy because you know You're a kid. You're like this is fucking up. And then they had the big warning like don't sure Warning if you do any of this stuff, it'll be really But so when you guys probably I'm assuming do you have you don't have any expectations or do you that this is gonna be a Thing or are you like? Um, I thought that it I mean I was such a fan of the big brother videos myself and I was so passionate about like what you know but I thought it was like just too gnarly to really be allowed on TV, you know, like what we were doing and

I remember when the pilot got ordered Jeff Tremaine, he said, you know, he's on the phone. He told me it's not a pilot anymore. We're going we got ordered to series So we're gonna come out. We're gonna shoot you, you know, right ideas and and right now immediately take all of the best footage that you have and Send it into us so that we can acquire it, you know, like license it and just put it straight onto the show Which they did with a lot of BAM's footage So I sent in everything that I had, you know, all like all the good shit that I had and and Jeff got back to me He said sadly not one clip you sent us

Because MTV was particularly touchy about Fire trailer park where a kid Burned down a trailer and killed his sister and they said like why did you do this? He said because Beavis said fire fire like MTV had like a real A real bad one over that and they had a couple other fire instances

So like their standards and practices was so Not sense of humor about fire and then they had another thing with that They were touched about is if you jump from the things that were really high And that was my specialty was jumping from shit. That was way too high while on fire Well, you have a you went to clown I developed, you know, the first career in simultaneous fire-breathing acrobatics ever and before I went to clown college How did you learn the fire-breathing? Well, I uh, okay when I graduated from high school I

Went straight to the University of Miami. My intention was to become An advertising executive on some level you see the skateboard had led me to the video camera But I wasn't that great at skateboarding I knew that there wasn't gonna be like a professional skateboard career and so I thought I love making videos And maybe I'll make TV commercials that are really cool. So I went to the University of Miami I just ran into a real problem getting to class, you know, like I just couldn't pull it off And I couldn't keep a job and I couldn't yeah I just like really felt that I lacked the survival skills to make it in the world and I

Failed out of fucking class. I got kicked out of the dorms, you know I just upped and dropped out and on my way out of the University of Miami You know, like the question was what are you gonna do now? And I was like, I'm gonna become a crazy Famous stuntman. You really made this like proclamation. Yeah to yourself or to other people I told everybody and they just all felt that it was so tragic and sad One of the people the president of Pepsi Cola Brazil your dad Super stoked on it. No, what do you think? What did he think like as you gain success? Was he like, oh, you know, this is so rad that like

Before the dad did not come to my my graduation of Clown College But but then again, he had divorced my mom and mom did go to my graduation Clown College So it would have been weird if they were both there at the same time So I mean, who knows that's not a big deal But he kind of just wasn't back in it and then after Clown College and still I had been in a few issues of big brother But there was no indication that it was gonna become more than a skateboard magazine And I hadn't made a fucking penny and and it was at that point before I had any success Before I had earned any money dad came to me, you know deliberately and he said I feel I've done a disservice to you by not

Supporting you in this career and it's clearly not what I would have chosen for you But hey, I didn't choose what my dad would have chosen for me Like my dad was a black sheep for going into business, you know, he came from a long line of Theologians and clergymen and academics and PhDs all that, you know, Jesus. Yeah, it's the I'm a hybrid Right, I'm like you can really see both sides of my family like mixed in in me and And even hearing sorry to enter but even hearing you speak like I I've never heard him talk Sevo and he you're so articulate. Oh, thank you I'm like really blown away because I've only ever seen you on Jack. Yes stapling your nuts here

It's always been crazy Yeah, I appreciate that too. Um, but yeah, so dad pledged to support me And and I really loved like the fact that you know, dad and I don't have a good relationship because I'm successful I actually feel, you know, pretty strongly that I'm successful Largely because I have a good relationship with my dad really because he supported me Yeah, like like from the very first deals the first one was a real TV if you remember I called up the number on the commercial and I was like, I don't have footage. You might want to see I have footage You fucking need real bad

And then sure enough they said we do they sent him the tape They said we wanted the footage of you lighting yourself on fire on the roof And doing the simultaneous fire breathing front flip off the three-story roof into the the five-foot pool and Jesus Christ, and I was like, is that all you want is out of everything and said that's all you want They said, yeah, and we want to give you five hundred dollars for exclusive rights And I was like, whoa, what does exclusive rights mean? You're like well then that means you don't own it anymore We do and I was like wait what no that sucks, you know, this is my legacy like oh

I like and so I called up dad and I was like freaking out and dad say hey mellow out is really simple figure out Well, like at which point it's a deal breaker. It sounds like exclusivity is a deal breaker So why don't you come back and say no exclusivity, and I want a thousand okay, okay, and so I called it back That's what I got you got it. Yes, and dad and I were kind of in the same corner. That's what what initially like drove us apart Ended up bringing us closer together Now does he did he as you you know you got more famous and you're doing all this while would he see it and be like What the fuck are you doing? He is able to compartmentalize like what like his values are he just says, you know

Like a lot of the time his go-to is I I'm not your demographic I recognize the you know the marketability of this to your demographic and like and he's able to just have his business had on But at the same time he gets a kick out of some of it but in any case back to the where the University of Miami, and I've just fucked up so terribly and I I dropped out and I'm gonna become a stuntman But I you know I ended up like traveling around like hitchhiking

having the government test drugs on me for money in like and you get here as this as a Subject in medical studies. Oh, yeah, you get You get more money if it's more dangerous. So I had like drugs for pigs and cows tested on me Yeah, I Like dangerous medical studies possible because they paid the most and how much did it pay? I I got two thousand bucks for 12 days of having a roof over my head when I was home Yeah, um and

And I always worked my way back to the University of Miami You know where I lived on campus Which I wasn't even allowed to be on and homeless and I like slept on people's floors and how long Were you enrolled there? I made it to my second year. I dropped out in the beginning of my second year And I showed up second year as a freshman because my grade point average was like point seven nine for my My second I've never even heard of that. Yeah, there's great. I told you I couldn't make it to class, but um And that was only for my one my second semester, but

So now I'm like vagrant. I'm living on on couches and floors But like I've got this I'm on this mission to become this stuntman You know and in my view like to be able to do a backflip like while waiting for an elevator Like just to freak someone out would be like really cool to me and that was one of my first like real things I wanted to work for and I And I loved the pool I learned like all my my roof jumps at the the University of Miami Olympic pool

You know where like they call it suntan you and everybody's just sunbathing and the the Olympic team Like Greg Luganas has his you know mural painted on the wall with all the divers Well, there's three other people have their murals painted on the walls because that's what you get when you win the NCAA Championship and they were the number one number two and number three ranked platform divers in the nation NCAA status and They all have their murals painted on the wall They all lived in the same apartment in the athletic apartments and I lived on their floor because these fucking guys loved me They're like this asshole is great

And they like formally Like I mean as formally as you can like at a keg party like trained me to do like a really clean Standing backflip, you know to walk up and down stairs like on my hands Like all this like crazy kind of circus ship like way before it I was going for circus stuff And as soon as they taught me how to do a clean standing backflip, you know I was playing around with fire fire breathing in like the most like unconventional and fucking Awful ways with like rubbing alcohol. That's the worst thing you can use for fire breathing What do you use for fire breathing? Um, you want to use lamp oil like but I but it's best to not like really encourage anything

No, I'm always Horrified when if you use if you use the right kind of lamp oil and you blow a fireball like point blank against a wall The wall won't stand fire like that's where it makes it like more safe I would use all this shit. There was like terribly flammable and I would click the lighter This was how I did how I came into the the the acrobatic fire breathing was that I Called up a radio station. They were having a freak of nature contest and I was like, oh guys, it's gonna be great I'm steve. Oh the alcoholic gymnast and they said great. We love that I was like, I would drink so much fucking alcohol on stage that I will literally get drunk before the crowd's eyes

Intermittently did you know it in between acts like woven through the show. I'd come out and pound more Yeah, alcohol. Yeah, so I'm like there's no way around it I'm drunk and then I'm gonna go do an acrobatic routine and Like and I'm gonna like breathe fire. This by the way, too is the first time I wasn't I knew that I was gonna have a career. I'm like, man, I'm so dedicated to this I'm gonna be fucking famous and I know it but I was like not just convinced if I wanted to Have my name be Steve. Oh, I thought man, is that gonna like is it gonna be? Am I not gonna be legitimate because I have this goofy name, you know

I was I was really I don't know Do I go right Steve Glover like and when I did that freak of nature contest for the radio station There was like an audience of 700 people and and the more I drank alcohol on stage Shockening beers and like clearly they could hear you could hear a crack when I did it and then I'd throw it down He could hear that empty can fucking empty when it hits the stage They were like you you could tell that I drank like all 10 beers, you know and And it sucks that I didn't do 12, but I did 10

Yeah, that's what you're thinking, right? Yeah, but it wasn't like Bud Light or anything. No. Yeah, it was proper Budweiser and So the more I drank the crowd just loved it and they were like they started when I came out again They just started chanting Steve. Oh Steve. Oh this whole crowd in unison and I remember drunk as I was thinking There's just no way that they would chant Steve. There would be right there would be no chant Right in that moment. I was like, okay. It's official. It's official. Wait. Now. Where does the name does the name? It just came from drunk people screaming at keg parties. Really? Yeah, Steve. Oh, is your last name with an O? No No

So so during this freak of nature contest I uh, I'm like now I'm gonna breathe the fire and it was just like had nothing to do with anything There's a separate deal, but I clicked the lighter and uh, I I fucking blow this rubbing alcohol into the lighter But I blew out the lighter. So there was this anti climactic like mist of of liquid with no flame And it was like, uh, and I'm like, oh dude, I'll do it again And uh, so then the second time where I where I clicked lighter It did light, but I also spit the rubbing alcohol all over my hand So I this big I blew the fireball, but then my hand remained on fire

I didn't even realize and then all of a sudden I'm like, oh and so I'm like shaking my hand out and uh, and I it was the most Like interesting thing because I thought wow, I have like A problem with what do I do? Like, you know, I'm blowing out the lighter that can't happen anymore And when my hand was on fire, I didn't like Like like it burned really pretty light on my skin like it was so I thought fucking here's the solution I'll pour the alcohol on my hand first Then I'll light my hand and that'll be the torch and I'll use my hand as the torch and I can't blow that out

So then I'm like, okay now I've got this cool way to breathe fire. That's reliable and then And then once I had the standing backflip You know dialed in from the diver guys training me Then I was like, okay So I light my hand on fire and then I swing into a standing backflip and as I took Upside down I blow it off my hand mid backflip and I dialed it. I dialed it perfect. I would do it like You know at every keg party Yeah, and then I figured out

Fire breathing front flips that way you blight you're blowing it down as you rotate and the fire rises Your head just passes right through it. Oh, right And so then I was like, okay So now I'm going to put Hairspray all in my hair So that when I do the fire breathing front flip and my head passes through the fireball Now I'm going to land flat on my back with my head on fire And then like I can get up and have people blow fireballs off my head using it as a torch

Yeah, so it became this whole just fire mania And uh, and that was how I ended up burning the skin off half my face and and uh becoming Endear to big brother. Yeah When when there is something win-win You know like it's a fascinating thing how you're saying how You don't have a crazy paint threshold, but you do have a high need for attention. Sure I think there's also something fascinating about Human beings where you know when you're describing

Drinking 10 beers and doing like crazy shit. It's inherently fascinating to watch that Like if you told me right now in that room you go through that door This dude's gonna chug fucking 10 beers and do shit like the there's that part of you that knows it's destructive But you're like, I want to see that You want to see it. Yeah, you want to see crazy That was like there's very few things that I consider myself world class At but shotgun and beers was I think if there's anything because and and I respect like world class shit, you know, I'm like

And that was another thing with my diver buddies That that these guys were distinctly world class, you know, they were the best at at landing in water as you can get And when I would come to them with like my new video like I'll check it out Um, you know up three story. I'm like, dude. I found a pool. That's only four feet deep And I did a front flip off a three story building roof into that And I'm six foot and these guys I just kind of developed because I would start like off the balcony I'd gradually work my way up and figure out how to like hit the water and curve in so I slide on the bottom of the pool

And not hit the bottom, right? I kind of developed my own little thing. That might be the most dangerous thing you've ever Oh my god, I just broke my ass so fucking bad. I always wanted to jump off a roof into a hot tub And I finally did it like a few weeks ago and I only just got done And you're not I'm not paralyzed. Thank god. How are you not? I mean, what are what's the injury count? Let's let's go through it. What's um, you know, I'm gonna make a video Like one of these like my my worst injuries. Yeah For the longest time it was uh at the university of Miami in the same student apartment complex that the divers lived in

um, I Was super drunk and on pills and it was at a keg party and I Told this chick who I was trying to impress. I was like, I'm gonna be this rad stuntman and you know, like Imagine this like a fight scene on a balcony because we were standing on the balcony of the second floor And I pretended to get punched and just threw myself off the balcony In a way like I used to throw myself off that balcony all the time And I had it pretty dialed in but in this case for the first time while really drunk and fucked up I was trying to like pretend I was being punched like

Which was not protocol for how I would do it. And so I go over the railing and I didn't like Do what I spun over the railing and off the second floor balcony fell all the way to the ground below on the concrete And broke my skull Like I mean I say broke my skull Really what I did was I fractured my cheekbone and I broke seven teeth And I had 10 stitches in my chin and a broken wrist and And I would imagine a pretty pretty solid concussion

So can I ask you when when you've had like these crazy injuries doing these things? Is there ever because everybody like has very Small versions of what you're talking about from like fucking around as a kid, right? You're like, I'm gonna jump off the couch into this thing and yeah, that hurt. Yeah So you fuck around and then inevitably 99 percent of people are like, well, I'm never doing shit like that again Right, because you ever go like from one of the big ones like that and you do you have the thought like no Like I'm or you don't even entertain that I um

Like I was pretty clear on what had gone wrong in that instance. So you're like it's it's something went wrong Right and and you know, I always would would stage isn't for fun. You know, like what's People ask what's your worst injury? You're like, oh, well, I broke my skull and it says 17th, you know, and like But that was back in 1995 and I was an idiot back then All right, now I've got it Yeah, now I'm much more professional the thing was that uh, all of my like really bad injuries It it wasn't um as much about doing stunts It had way more to do with uh being intoxicated and I really determined that if I was gonna

Avoid trips to the emergency room The best thing to do would be to put on all the protective gear like when I sat down at the bar Sit down at the bar put on a helmet and then pads and everything would have been uh Because being being fucked up must have like I don't know gotten you through a lot of these It caused them and then got Yeah, wait, I want to ask you so did you know how to do a backflip at all before those guys? I I began to teach myself standing on um The side of the pool, you know just the side of the pool and I went into the pool

I'm able to do it up the diving board and I was like no I want to learn how to do it on flat ground So I would do it on the side of the pool into the pool, but I had no rotation to make it So then I went uh while I was like, you know hitchhiking across country Um, I was uh, I wasn't hitchhiking. I was traveling with a dude who had a van but um but But we were in colorado and there was snow and so well like one of these like generators like uh, you know Like if it was for air conditioning or generators something big metal box in the parking lot

And I would do that off into the snow And I started to dial it in a little bit and I got good enough where I could do it off like a picnic table But I needed to be a little higher up to get the rotation and what it was was the divers Really taught me how to swing into it and do it like tighten it up so that it was clean And I could do it on flat ground and you can just do a standing backflip. Yeah, and you still do that I don't fuck with it too much anymore. Yeah, I mean technically. Yeah, but uh Yeah, I'm not I asked you one more that I wanted to ask sure was that you know, and sorry, but but the the real achievement with the the backflip was um That I figured out and maybe you just seen seen there used to be part of my comedy show

Like uh, the I called it the double back and I would do it like you know at the end where I do like sort of uh, you know Sexy dance a little bit, you know pull down my pants take off my shirt And there I'm in my boxers with my hands up in the air I thrust my hips back and forth back and forth and then on the backswing I jump up and open my legs and like clasp so with no hands whatsoever. I Thrust myself and jump up into a mangina And once I land it then I rip down the boxers to reveal the the the mangina, right? It's pretty like pretty cool acrobatic thing. Yeah, I call it a double back

but I I actually like I invented the double back backflip right some mangina backflip and landing that clean and still tucked Feel like you're gonna rip your dick off Yeah Before I show you something I wanted to ask this about how you know, obviously we hear about like the origins of it You guys are like these, you know, crazy fuck around Skater dudes and you know, you're making shit essentially to make each other laugh right at first

And then you get tv and the movies come out it goes to a whole other level and a lot of times You know, we've seen it in music and movies and comedy where like success You know changes relationships and did that was there a big you guys became millionaires and movie stars and Did it totally fuck up the dynamics once it became so successful? No, um I don't I don't think so and for my part I didn't give a fuck about money because I did not see any possible way that I would live to be 30 years old So I wasn't I believe you I believe you I believe you too. I remember when you had a skateboarding ramp in your apartment

Right. I I I I have caused more people money on their celebrity death pool Then like, you know, yeah, I used to fucking really be a a big big odds and um So I didn't see your money didn't really I was never really terribly motivated by money because you know, like really again what I wanted was attention And like to and I think that people probably have a tough time like sort of reconciling that but I can say like really Like in a in a serious and meaningful way That I believe our and I'm working on making a stand-up comedy bit

That that actually like, you know, it's it's I used to try it and it was like I really think there's something there But like the premise is that I think our human experience that are our condition as human beings Is just a fucking awful prank on us, you know that like it must be evidence that god Really just hates us because how else can you explain that we have only one instinct which is to survive And only one guarantee which is we won't right? We're in a fucking pickle over here. So as humans It's like, okay We're in this fucking awful situation where the one fucking thing that we don't want to happen is all we can count on And that sucks. So the only real purpose in our dilemma is to wrap our fucking head around our mortality

So it's like, how do we do that? It's very clear that people really seek to do this to find peace with their mortality and the way people do that typically Is to reproduce so it's like, you know, part of me lives on I've you know, I've got children offspring So it's okay that I'm going to die because I've left this legacy of children. Right. That's not me Then there's a whole contingent of people who they uh find comfort in religion, you know Because that's the only fucking point of religion is that I you know I want to convince myself that I'm going to be okay that I'm going to go to heaven

And so that dying is I can wrap my head around it because I'm going to go right Which is seems pretty self-serving and like doesn't work for me either And then there's like the third camp that I recognize which is like the cavemen Who drew stick figures on the wall because they're like, you know, I'm going to be gone But this fucking stick figure is going to still be here. So I came to the you know, I approached I approached the video camera As like a sense of like fucking religion I'm like dude, it sucks that like we're all going to be fucking dead

But like fuck that because I'm gonna like I want to live forever I'm going to have like videos that like, you know They make people laugh that distract them from their fucking shitty day that like make me somehow important like potentially Forever and that was like my whole deal Yeah And so when I thought that I wasn't going to live very long It was just like a hustle and hurry to try to pack my message into the bottle You know, and I didn't give a fuck about my lifestyle

I didn't give a fuck about anything except being the most absurd And outrageous notable character that I possibly could to You know to be remembered forever It's really fascinating To hear you Explain it in a more thought-out and like calculated way like even like I'm gonna be this famous stunt guy all this stuff I had no idea. I always thought sure this fucking lunatic. Yeah, who just kind of Dude, he's fucking Aristotle. Did you know what he just said? Of course

My my brain just exploded like Jesus Christ. She's a thoughtful person There's there's jokes too in this you know premise in this bed. Yeah, of course I know but I'm saying even a bigger scale just the fact that like you thought out these things Before you've been saying this like that you had a vision that you were pursuing It it makes sense to hear it. I just never would have imagined it without hearing you say it I like early in my uh, I maybe I wouldn't even call it a career before I had a career I was kind of like I felt that I lacked the survival skills to make it in the world. I wasn't gonna see 30 I was just gonna fucking fail at life

And before doing that, I wanted to document enough stuff that I could might be discovered posthumously like I wanted to be the really I wanted to be the van go of the video camera the van go of idiots Wow I mean, I don't know like that that's like But then again part of me also thought no fucking man the world's gonna find out like how the you know, I'm rad Well, the interesting thing is you are you've leaned into that Continuously to today where you're you're putting out a lot of content. Oh, I'm hustling and and and I feel like I would Be irresponsible of while we have people listening if I didn't point out that yeah, I do have a pretty remarkable story

If anything I lived my life Deliberately so that the story would be I almost forwent my own personal experience or satisfaction in life Just to make the story good, you know, and I did I did that effectively And I have like a real hell of a book that's um got like an average customer rating on amazon It's a five star, which is pretty good. Yeah, that's great. And uh, it's new york times bestseller And um, it's so juicy man all of the shocking arrests. What's it called? It's called professional idiot a memoir and if you buy it on my website every copy is autographed Awesome. Yeah, and like I keep everything like pretty fucking reasonably priced on my side

It's like everybody's like 25 bucks for an autographed book. I actually have pictures of my dick For eight bucks I'll be signing up for that. Yeah, but in the picture of my dick It's uh, and and this is It ties into the the tour that i'm on now, which is called the bucket list tour and what it is is like I've been doing the stand-up for Approaching nine years of consistent touring and gradually like my worlds have converged like my first special was Straight stand-up. It's on amazon prime. It's called guilty as charged

And I intermittently did stunts at pertinent story points in the act on stage But it was just stand-up and then as I put together my second hour I I thought like oh my god one night my head exploded while I was performing I thought fuck all these stories that i'm telling in this act It like largely All fucking happened on camera, you know, so what if I taped my next special? but like You know in post edit in the footage of the stories. I'm telling so it's this multimedia stand-up act

Illustrated by the footage. I was like, oh my god, so I started um I started taping my shows and and editing the footage in like just routinely which and it previously Was difficult for me to watch me do stand-up, you know, like Still it's the worst. Yeah, but um, but because I was I was actively editing making new versions of this this idea It forced me to watch and then I it and then I naturally addressed the things that drove me fucking crazy Yeah made my stand-up so infinitely better. Yeah, sure and um, then I taped that that last special and then for the next one

I was like, you know, I don't want to I don't I want to mix multimedia with stand-up I want to mix footage in but I don't want to be telling old stories anymore So that's so I decided for my new tour. I'm going to do all new shit And it's going to be so fucking the bar is so high and when I when it's like To figure out what to do was not a difficult at all because I've had this this list of stunts Which I call the bucket list and it's just the bottom of the barrel shit that like the idea has been sitting there, but I never Thought I never planned to go anywhere near like the vasectomy olympics. It was just absurd. Like, well, yeah You know, I'll get on a horse and go galloping around bareback like after

I get a vasectomy, you know, I'm like whatever that did all this crazy shit, but um, there was uh Like to to take on trophy hunting There was um, I thought if I like these people why do they murder the animals? Why why not use tranquilizer darts and let the fucking thing wake up if you really want your douchebag photo with the corpse And so then I wanted to do a stunt getting shot with tranquilizer darts And I was like one of my buddies and I will go to the track and field and it'll be like on your mark It said and they shoot tranquilizer darts into our butt cheeks at which point we sprint for distance You know, wait, you did this? Uh, well, I ran into a problem with that because of the drugs that would be in the darts

Yeah The tranq darts and the tranq darts. Yeah, they're talking about ketamine and halodol Yeah, like shit that I love and I can't have So so I and that put me in a position where I was like fuck the two things I care most about which is my sobriety and attention Like at odds and so I almost went crazy, but then it struck me that that uh I've had so many surgeries and sobriety

Say, you know, and so many like endoscopies like some like so many procedures where I got knocked out with general anesthesia Like a bunch of times and I've never relapsed over that. So I felt very comfortable changing the idea To the general anesthesia challenge where I changed the plan to it's just me on a bicycle With an IV in my vein and they plunged the general anesthesia drugs into the IV Which should give me like 10 seconds to fucking ride Oh my god. So that I did you did do it. Where can I see it? On my tour I the the footage on the tour. Oh on the because because because with with uh With my bucket list show on the screen

It's it's an act about that the whole stand-up act is just these ideas that are so fucking absurd that they're perfect for stand-up comedy And after each bit I screen it so one of the bits One of the bits which which uh, I had on my list forever I'm so excited about was based on the premise that because women can paint their boobs And just cruise around like nobody's offended right that I went straight to I should be able to paint my dick And do whatever I want. Yeah, so I was like, okay now like how do I do this? And I think okay painting painting my dick like what's the

You know, I thought okay span something with spandex because like so then I thought okay the cyclist suit This is the bit's going to be cyclist so I put together this hardcore cyclist suit and uh, you know with the helmet the Spandex shirt tends to be bike, but we painted on the shorts, right? My girl's a set designer and so she does a great job with this big gallon of black paint and the the bit was to go around and crash the bike in front of like Random unsuspecting dudes in in the street So they see like this violent crash and then they come over to reach their hand out and help me up

And I'm just laying there with my schlong, which is which is to me like super classic. I love it. Yeah, I loved it too and um, I filmed it while I was still on probation, which was a hoot but um, so and before going Like before like we're I'm all decked out Paint jobs done. We're ready to go. We got all the gear And uh, I got my girl to take a photo of me Like hoisting up the bike You know just because I looked fucking so great and saw this photo and I was I was just so proud of it And I texted it to Johnny Knoxville

And like I'm all proud and he writes back That's the smallest black dick I've ever seen And it's like so it worked out so genius because I didn't even think about it in that context I was just like because I had a blue smith. It's like Happened to use black paint. That's right. And uh, and so yeah, so that very photo That uh, I texted to Knoxville. Yeah, we made it into a pen Where like if you're writing if you're bringing remember the old pen The underwear goes away and you see the dick what made it so that the pen I'm wearing like actual black shorts

If you got it right set up But if you turn it upside down that the shorts disappear and you see my painted dick right there You can you can you can I like to buy that one where people's reactions Like when they would come where they laugh where they'd be upset where they weirded out. Oh or everything um When they came to help you They uh, it's like like awkward. I got awkward. I got offended but just get the fuck out of here because like My favorite reaction

I got like, you know, like not in this part of town You know, and uh, where did you do it? Where did you do the bike? I did downtown LA and I did uh, like, um echo park kind of Um, oh wait a little bit in the hollywood hills. You throw the cans on real quick. I want to show you something Yeah, but first of all, let's let's see if you can hear the dick pig pen. I think it's eight. Are you selling that? Oh, I'm gonna buy that dickpigpinsonstevo.com. That's amazing. We gotta get those I gotta get a whole bunch. Can you hear now? Yeah, I can totally hear. All right. Here's I just want to know what you think of this cool stunt

It'll be over here on this screen. So right here Oh for fuck's sake His legs It seemed like something went off legs and kind of charged Ah He's stuck. He's not laugh stevo's not laughing. I didn't know I'm just feeling him out And here's a real maniac here He's fine

He's not laugh. I'm just showing you our collection of videos. Okay. Good Oh The best part is the uh, well the woman crying is the best part but the The guy that like kind of shoes the bull out is so unaffected by all of it Like he's just like the bull comes out and this guy's got like a cigarette dangling from his mouth. He's like, come on, man So third one. They just get out. You know what? I love how watching. I love that They're actually Chinese What I love about watching stevo watch these is how like it doesn't faze him

Other people people are like, oh my gosh. He's so chill, right? That's like him watching, you know, this should this could be um stevo right here easily. Oh my god Dude on my bucket list. I had uh skydiving Better do something Like the the whole thing about skydiving is that I For years, you don't know maybe decades. I said, oh man, everybody does that shit. That's not a stunt I'm not wasting my time with it

I said if I ever go skydiving because the first time you have to have a tandem dude strapped on your back That I'm going to be butt fucking naked and furiously jacking off And I'll be all pent up and while I'm fucking whacking it like like when I pass the point in overturning I needed to really time it. So the right when I blow a load is when I fall out of the plane And uh, that is the most layered Fucking just genius bit from like from just the the the idea itself When I went to good tape the my my second comedy special Knowing that I was going to build my new hour out of the bucket list

There and I'm behind this fucking bar at the back of the theater because I'm going to come through the crowd For when they introduced me to start the taping And it's just game time and I'm so fucking focused and just like I'm so ready And like this kid spots me like sort of I'm stealth behind the bar And he's like yo stevo and I'm just like fuck. No, dude, not now not the time I'm trying to ignore the kid. But then he says dude, you got to go skydiving man I'm a professional skydiver and I knew that I'm getting ready to do this and to me is I'm just like fuck This is too important. So I just turned my attention to this kid and I told him the whole idea which I call skyjacking

Yeah And uh, this kid just like he's just sitting there. He's just like this is the greatest thing he's ever heard and he looks at me He goes, dude, you can totally come all over me So real it's a real quick. I got his number And uh, are you gonna do that bit? Have you done it? I did and I fucking screamed this I screamed footage of me naked Fully hard jacking off falling out of an airplane with a dude on my back. He's the guy. He's the one. Well, no because it turned out I signed it up texting him. Are you ready to get cummed on?

And uh, and and this fucking kid man as sweet as he was He let us get all into the planning fucking stage When he breaks the news that he didn't actually have his tandem license And I'm like you fucked face you so then And thank god it worked that way because the the bid just becomes so much more layered and and beautiful Because now we're calling up skydive companies. Can we come on? Right I got my uh, my road manager, you know co-producer calling up. We got this great idea We really think it's gonna bring a lot of attention to your business

We caught 15 fucking companies that did not want that attention Yeah, so then I go on uh, then I go on my um Social media and I put this video message out, you know, I was hey everybody. I'm looking for Licensed tandem instructors to film a stunt with yeah, I just to film a stunt with like contact my dude So my dude's like yo Like that's that was like a 24-hour instagram story and I got contacted by 72 licensed tandem choppers. Yeah, so I go I go fucking sweet dude not telling the idea

And so what's your guess over like out of 72? I believe my fucking mind how many said yes 20 of them said no problem Wow 20 guys were willing to catching that we gotta narrow it down. Are they all men? I think so. Yeah, uh-huh. I believe so. So now we have to narrow it down to all fucking 20 or that which which of the 20 to do it with And uh, this one fucking guy He's all like, please let me be the one

It's like so like it's like, you know, which is a red fly, but it's also hilarious And uh, the guy was super polite and sweet and he explained that that uh, he works at a company called sky dance Skydiving, which is just in northern california super convenient And they hold the fucking world record for the most naked jumps. Oh, so it's like in their laying time They're all over this and they want this all over them Is uh Did he get hard like why he did not get hard? No, but uh, he was very supportive. He was yeah And you're just just went flying everywhere as you're jumping

It was uh, the wind caught it not a drop landed in the plane So wait, you're but I hadn't fallen out of the plane yet I just got my winger out into the wind and the wind caught it and blasted it into the slow-motion camera That was mounted on the side of the plane. Wow, which was like just a full brunt fucking money shot and and then and it's good that way because Because had I had I blown the load after falling out of the plane it wouldn't really tough to catch it This is right in your face. If it was in 3d, you'd be like So you're on the precipice

And then jump like that Yeah, I mean, I'm jizzing as we're scrambled as we're going out. Holy shit. Yeah, I'll show you Yeah, I'd love to see it You're hanging out the door essentially. Yeah, that's when you're jizzing. Okay. Yeah, and uh, how do you get your like? Are you uh, just escaping in your mind? Yeah, how do you get I brought a portable dvd player? That's actually like the funniest part of the bit You know, the funniest part of the bit is just like the experience like because it got so intense when like, uh You know, I had four dick pills for breakfast. I planned this. Yeah, four sialis tablets

Holy shit. Yeah, four of them and uh, and and I I planned it like, you know I did not blow a load for four entire days and nights leading up to the I'm all pinned up with a hair trigger. Yeah, I don't think you can blow a bigger load than four days You know after that your body starts cycling it. Yeah four days is a lot four days kind of maxed out Yeah, maybe 10, but I'm not trying to do that. No, it's trying to do that So and and another advantage I had is that um, I I stopped watching pornography You know before this you mean or just like years ago. Oh, yeah, like I it's been

I think it's I think it's been multiple years since I've viewed pornography I think it's destructive to a healthy relationship and like But I made an exception for skyjacking because skyjacking means of course work is work Yeah, otherwise it's just ted back there. Right. Amen. And so we had a dvd player like You know taped down in the plane and but the thing was that they said, okay, here we go I'm excited to see the dvd player. I'm backed up. I've taken dick pills Like, you know, I'm I came prepared. Yeah, but the thing was that before we took off They said okay now that you're gonna have to there's a two minute window

Then for the jump because before or after the two minutes Like we're not over the drop zone So I'm gonna have to time this ejaculation. Oh, that's skills airplane full of dudes pointing cameras at me with one of them Strapped on my back so tight that his fucking chin is resting on my shoulder like a parrot. Yeah Like Like and I have to It's thread the needle over here. Yeah, I gotta fucking do this within the space of two minutes And I thought about it and I was like, okay

like Give me one minutes notice Before the two minutes starts. Oh, wow. So you start pre-gaming the jack. Uh, I start pre I hit stroking semi-regular. I had my jack-o's buddy Preston with me. He's my fluffer. He's got the lotion Yeah, right. He you know the when that when I hear a t-minus three at 15,000 feet after they open up the door I go lube. He squeezed the lotion on my hand And then I click play And I start whacking that's like, uh, there's no pregame. There's just hit play. Oh god, full fucking go. Oh, wow

Yeah, and are the cameras rolling when you're that at that beginning point? Our cameras are rolling the whole time. So that's a lot of I mean, I would say you give a little more respect for like a porn performer almost. Yeah Well, I think they can give more respect to me Is there any I mean, I don't know there's a but and and uh, this um It was just because it was this blowjob scene that I just thought was like I saw a few seconds of it I was like, oh my god, I haven't watched porn so long. This is gonna be like That's just gonna do it for me. So easy, but that wasn't my experience. Like we said, I'm like fucking

Jacking and it's just not like working. So I'm like, fuck man Like I'm burning time. Like I don't have time for this. It's gotta work. And so I think if I hit visual fast forward Then that's gonna like scoot You know, like maybe I'll get to something that it'll get But the thing was I hit visual fast forward and now I'm trying to fucking whack off to a sped up blowjob And that's like super not any easier So I'm like and I'm like fucking starting more lube and I'm like I just gotta take a gamble You know, like

I hit skip track And then like who knows what I'm gonna see who knows that was a fucking mistake, man What'd you end up seeing? Well, the next chapter had started with this fucking like obnoxious like up close shot of a fucking shiny metal butt plug in this woman's tailpipe And I found that distracting man. So now the butt plugs throwing me off and I'm losing my boner So then what? And then I'm that I'm fucking freaking out. I'm in a panic and I'm like my love

Like so I've screamed lube like fucking like 18 times, you know, and I'm like whack whack whack lube and skip track lube I'm all over the place. It turned into fucking chaos and um Then uh, I was actually just about resigned to just saying hey, you know, it's funny that I even tried. Yeah The final seconds dwindled away and and and I was just like man, I believe I'm enthralled at this masturbation story I'm like, it's like you're telling me a world war. Yeah I'm on tender. It's a big bit and it's it's like it's then how did you eject? Well, okay, so the the final seconds The final seconds are dwindling away and I'm like, I'm just thinking that like all hope is lost

I'm just like bracing myself for a reality where this doesn't happen and and um But then I did like It was magic that last the last skip track was your jam was a good one It was yeah, and and and I'm too much of a gentleman to explain what it was on the dvd that like really did the trick for me Really, I'd love to hear about it Okay, so last chapter it's it's uh Man, I I feel like I'm looking around these cameras. I'm like, why am I fucking giving away my bid on this?

Oh, but maybe whatever I don't care. It's fine. Um, okay, so it's got this huge wiener There's this huge fucking uh enormous cock coming in and out of this woman's butt, right? And that's not my thing right like I don't I'm not even into anal, but like what it was was that This fucking massive cock came out of her butt and there's this beautiful cinematic shot And it went all the way up into the air and then it swooped like just Like just flying right into this woman's face And she was just so happy about it. She was so just joyful

Yeah, as she accepted that wiener like right out of her butt back in her mouth with just pure Just delight and and and and that did the trick for me, man So so then I gave the sign. I'm like, ah get the fuck out of the plane, you know That's the best important. I think too is like when you can tell that like the girl really enjoys it Right really doesn't like right both of those get me going. Oh, dude. This was just like It meant the world to her. Yeah But I want to see a a porn girl like At least look like you're enjoying sex or find it reprehensible

Like either of those the sad girls the girl that looks like she's gonna is balling like once to escape Yeah that for me. I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm losing right Yeah, that's why we're so successful you and I together and I don't I don't fucking care about like uh about You know sort of giving people a glimpse into this show because let me tell you this people want to see the show, dude I I believe it man. I put a lot of fucking work into it and there's a lot of uh, of There's just a it's like The show is like part jackass movie premiere

Part stand-up comedy show like just this I have that I've always had an approach to my stand-up Where I don't like seek to emulate anybody, you know, it's just like authentic doing what you do, you know And and I have at the same time though been Like on some level like kind of self-conscious about like You know, I'm steve o the jackass dude and like if if I like on my social media It's like I'm doing stand-up, you know We're like photos of me doing stand-up like I have this like built-in like self-consciousness that people are gonna like

Not want to see me that way not accept me that way and In hindsight, I think I did myself a disservice By not just like just owning it like fuck How many years do I have to be on a successful comedy tour? Like it's before I can be like, you know what fuck you I do stand-up and I care about it and I'm good at it and I do it in an authentic like Unique way. Well, I think also Stand-up comedians are very protective of the of the craft of the form like we're like fucking

Marines we're like if you're not in the trenches with us You're not one of us like there there is that culture of the hard knocks thing. So I get it There are some there's really only like two people that like spoke up about like no, I don't approve approve Okay, sort of yeah, and I don't even like, you know, I want to bring them up and and both of those people like have a sense like You know even Acknowledged that that was silly. Okay. Well, that's good. Right. We're not good

But uh, but in any case, uh still, you know, for me like to be here with you guys It's it's it's an honor, you know, we're honored to have you To have just performed uh at just for laughs in montreal Fucking huge honor. I did the just for laughs in vane kubernetes And I'm going to be uh just for laughs in toronto. Nice And uh, it's it's just it's really meaningful For me because I like I'm so passionate about what I do Yeah, and uh, I think that there's that's such a consensus of people

who don't Think of me as an articulate thoughtful or funny guy, but rather just this thoughtless maniac. Yes, and um, Do which is your fucking fault? That's not working on it. No, you're doing a good job. You're so you're very deep, but man, I'm just listening to him I know you know simultaneously. I'm finding myself hearing you like you have this crazy death wish On the one hand. I mean you really do you're like a daredevil, man You're a daredevil and then on the other hand you want to be remembered and immortalized and And appreciated it's like this you're like a death

I think that the whole the the death wish thing is actually like uh flipped on its head Because I think that like with the this mortality complex, which I believe is just inherently human Like like the more it's like I'm mad at mortality like I'm mad at mortality because of this fucking catch 22 human Condition and so almost like acting out and like fuck you mortality like I'll show you like I'll pretend Is if I didn't even care and I'll do stuff that seems like I'm gonna die and you know and in fact like There's no part of me that has ever had a death wish Right, you don't want to die. Now. Let me tell you before you go. We've got to wrap up here in a second is um,

Your little child out here Wendy and you told us before you started your um You actually your most viewed video my most viewed piece of content uh on facebook and it Well over 100 million views like given for like how many places posted it like Ladd bible unilad whatever 25 million like the animal on dodo like, you know But I'm on mind like a couple times 25 it all like 100 million views crazy

What dog that you rescued a video of me finding a dog in the streets of puru. It's crazy and now Now by the time this is up I don't know when this goes up, but uh, I know from when we're recording this tomorrow Her follow-up video which chronicles the her experience since coming to america from the streets of puru We're calling it the fabulous life of my puruvian street dog And that's cool, man. She's driving her own little ferrari through children's hospitals and stuff like And uh flying in a helicopter over the grand canyon like riding a surfboard on waves in Puerto Rico like We've been to four different countries 21 different states. She's got her own bit on uh

In my on my bucket list tour Where uh, it's a pretty classic bit where I make fun of service dog vests Like uh, it's really cool. She's a sweet dog. She's so sweet. Yeah, I wouldn't Put the service dog vest on her or travel with her if uh, if she wasn't so perfectly suited for it She's never made a sound in public. She's never uh Pied in a hotel room or on an airplane like wow She's she's and people can watch the follow-up on your youtube channel. Yeah, which is youtube Like the hub for all things stevo is stevo.com

There's all the links to any social media that you type it in. I'll have the little verification check mark This uh, wendy video will be exclusively on youtube Embedded on my website and uh, it'll pop up on facebook at some point down the road. Cool Um, this is like this has been a real treat to talk to you. Hey, thank you. Yeah, it's uh, I'm also working on getting my own podcast going to You should yeah, I uh, I felt like self-conscious and self-conscious I felt like uh Reluctant to sort of jump on the bandwagon like in my mind. I'm like fuck every fucking asshole has a podcast like like You know, like of course not you guys because I've I've sort of I've promised myself many times

Is I fucking I'm gonna make a rule if I haven't heard of the podcast No, I won't be on your fucking podcast if I haven't heard of it No, you know, but then you got all your buddies and you do it from you know Largely the most annoying question can be like, dude, will you be Will you do my podcast for sure because so many people have it and I'm like, I don't want to jump on the bandwagon But what I I was able to wrap my head around because I said if I have an angle on it Then it'll make sense to me So if I got a camper van and outfitted as a traveling podcast studio

I could have conversations with guests as we went to go get into some kind of activity which really opened it up and give me an angle and uh My experience has been that uh That it It's just stopped do the youtube shit where like it's great youtube content Do a podcast where it's a podcast and don't try to mix the two because you're making like lesser versions of both Got you by like being and by driving around trying to do a podcast You limit the podcast and like if you're gonna go do awesome shit, just do the awesome shit. Yeah separate

So I'm finally just looking to to get the right deal with the podcast thing. You're a smart guy, dude I could tell I mean you're doing you're doing a lot of very You know, you're you're smart. You're creating content. You're giving people what they want and it's uh, it's very cool, man I appreciate that a lot man, and and I do oh it's uh, it's a sobriety, man Like I know a lot of people who have been letting a lot of years Slip through their fucking fingers Sure, and I'm so grateful that I that I personally suffer from alcoholism so badly That like there was zero question. It was black and white like for me like I

It got so bad. I absolutely had to address it Yeah, and I think that it would be a living fucking hell to just have alcoholism bad enough That it doesn't have to urgently stop it can continue But I have it bad enough to interfere with my relationships like impede my ambitions You know I like just fuck up everything sure and like and cause me to get nothing done You know where for 11 years now. I've been largely like pretty focused and uh, you know as a result of I've just kind of applying That you know becoming part of this community Yeah, like you know and knowing dr. Drew you did dr. Drew after dark

And you've known him for 20 years almost 20 years. Yeah, he knew me Before sobriety. Yeah, and uh, it's just rad, man. So I'm just grateful for the whole Thing with you know sobriety and to have integrity in a relationship, you know I wear a ring like I'm married, but it's an engagement ring. That's right. I saw her on instagram. You guys are just so cute together You're always they're always naked on instagram effing each other. Yeah, I saw you effing against Right you were in some hotel against a window. Yeah, uh, we we uh, we enjoy our naked ship in any case, man I just wanted just uh to just say that again. Thank you guys for having me. Absolutely. And uh, You know everybody listening. Thank you for listening and um, I would love to see you on the road

I do a free meet and greet after every single one of my shows Which is like borderline masochistic Insane Every single person at every single show who wants to get a photo. I will not go anywhere until well, let me be clear about something I will not So Not a personality kid. Um, go to stevo.com Go see the shows watch the content now. Let's let's wrap this up and watch you jerk off on them. Oh, yeah, I got you

Zach Galifianakis is back with his two favorite ferns in between two ferns the movie Zach and his oddball crew take a road trip to complete a series High-profile celebrity interviews and restore his reputation Watch it all go down on september 20th only on netflix This is captain morsell morsell My sister went down down to the mountain you might be a tech talk Tech talk I gotta say my sister

Tell everybody I'll be back. I need to back up I'll see you later bye I'll see you later. Bye. Bye. Just waiting for my name a lot. Just waiting for my luck. Just waiting for my luck I ordered up off a little burger Oh My dinner my dinner my dinner I ordered up off a little burger My dinner my dinner my dinner

I ordered up off a little burger As I got the movies Okay, guys, we're gonna do a guy acting like a cow Oh Oh