Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 518-Big Jay Oakerson-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: September 25, 2019

The Mommies are starting things off with an interesting way for a man to make $20. How much money would it take you to complete this "task?" Tom and Christina also wonder who is purchasing adult movies in hotel rooms? They recall the times they've made such purchases. Christina has developed a fascination of Josh Potter's ability to get laid and inquires about that. Plus, Cool Guy Tony makes his triumphant return from Jail. Big Jay Oakerson is a stand-up comic who you can hear on one of his many podcasts, including The SDR Show, Legion of Skanks and on SiriusXM's The Bonfire. Jay also recently acted in a film with Jennifer Lopez called "Hustlers." Jay and Tom talk about meeting during the Oddball tour, and what went wrong with it. The topic of NYC's new found "woke-ness" is brought up as Jay had an incident at The Comedy Cellar. Big Jay and Dan Soder often watch clips on their show The Bonfire, including Good Morning Julia, so the Mommies get his insight into it and let him in on what they've found. Big Jay and Dan also reviewed Charro's video, so we relive that with him as well. Robert Paul Champagne is brought to Jay's attention and Jay recounts a story from back in the day when Josh Potter was driving him around for a weekend. Big Jay also tells The Mommies about Skankfest and the Louis CK appearance, and the murder of his manager and owner of The Stand Comedy Club in NYC, Dave Kimowitz.

it's simple your biological sex and your gender identity are not tied to one another it's it's not that complicated it's not it's not and if you're out there and you're you don't understand what i'm saying when you look between your legs it has nothing to do with how you identify and if that is too rich of a concept for you well ta ta their return there you go tom what are you fluid today what are you feeling your gender no i mean i i have you know i'm i'm a man i'm a male always though come on not everybody's a hundred percent male all the time that's true but i mean like right now i am today today i am but it's also the beginning of the day it could go anywhere that's what i'm saying you don't know where your gender will take

you that's the wonderful part about this being fluid yeah you and i are both fluid and we're polyamorous mm-hmm we're pansexual mm-hmm we're asexual we're in a thrupple yeah we're doing everything i fuck a lot i fuck a lot yeah all right and i'd prefer if you didn't refer to me as she from now on oh okay i'm it it all right okay you got it you got it and um i don't know i feel like if you don't get that you don't get this show you know this is a show about educating people well check your privilege tom yeah yours is gendered white male i know a lot of privilege in that beard of yours no there is there is i'm not i mean i'm not unaware of that there is a lot of privilege and it feels good i'm sure it does actually but not now and now you have to share

your privilege with others yeah that's gonna be bum does that bum you out thinking about that little bit i'm like oh you're not you're not represented yeah yeah but does it anger you to see all this diversity no no i'm cool with it i'm cool you know i used to don't forget i used to my parents used to force me to go to another country every summer yeah so i'd be around all the brownies and i'd be like all right i get it this is another there's other people out there but you know you deal right you deal with it deal with it yeah i mean they're all over l.a everywhere i go i'm like you're not white you're not white you know how bum do you think my dad is because i feel like he is your dad about diversity if he were listening right now he'd be like tom he's making a lot of sense

he would not pick up that there's any joke that's what i'm saying that's what i've been saying i've been saying this this is bullshit it's bullshit it used to be nice it used to be whites look around 100% and but he justifies that he's like it's not that i'm racist against others i just like things everybody acts the same yeah looks the same it's easier it's easier yeah it makes me uncomfortable when everyone's not white you know yeah yeah yeah it's better it's for his comfort that everybody looks and acts the same when he got back he i don't remember it's been a long time now but he got back from that trip uh he went to hungry yeah and he was like you know it's it's kind of crazy right now things are going very far right people are talking about the jews

yeah right and we were like no shit he was like yeah talking about how they're a problem we were like whoa he's like but you know you know they've got a point you know and we were like what he's like it's true i like the jews but i like i like kind of annoying yeah it's it's a problem it's a problem you know you know it's so funny is when my stepfather was racist he was from india yeah and he was the most racist of everybody in my family that is by the way a fucking television show i know my gosh like an indian guy indian ish an indian guy the next off the but not like born in india right and just like came over at 25 or 30 he came over at 30 yeah so he's an indian guy who's like oh like yeah there's so many indian people everywhere they're so fucking stinky you know

fucking goody goody front everyone he he was like i'm not black i'm oj exactly like he felt that because he donated a lot of money to the republican party so he was like i earned it he basically he felt that if you were at a high enough socioeconomic level in this country that you bought yourself into being a white guy and in a lot of ways he's not wrong yeah because you know he had a framed picture of the last five republican presidents in his office they gave it to him that is always so much money such an alarming choice to put up photos of presidents i don't care which party you align yourself with and you're like she's got the presidents i know it's so weird you care that's your favorite thing to put up the president you know what my favorite thing is is when you see people

who make their houses look like the white house yeah like when you drive through there's a few of those yes they're from la there's people that love to live in the white house yeah like what do you do they do their knockoff version of the columns of the front they're like who are you oh well you know what it is it's a fucking egomaniac it's a megalomaniac who's like who's like uh and then especially if they don't acknowledge it if they're like it yeah i mean i guess it kind of looks like the white house it's so weird you you decided to buy the president's house i know full on columns white and then there's always like the super patriot we have a super patriotic neighbor that likes to have like an official us flag flying in his front which is great i love america i'm

it's not on like the like sometimes you see the house with the flag off of the awning kind of thing yeah this is its own centerpiece with a 50-foot pole yeah and lights yeah he's just like it's like dude it's it's he's out there taking it down when it's raining and folding like what he it's just too much work to have a real flag flying how are you that committed i am i that's what i'm gonna do i mean no i love you know i love living here and stuff but it's like oh this is the best place to live and we know that because we've been watching 90 day fiance the other way and where we played this game last night like where would you rather live where would you least rather live right the pig village in ecuador or india just all of india deli there's deli

katar katar is developed pretty developed no i know but i'm saying i'm mentioning just the country's on the show no fucking is a woman i forget katar i took the pig fish village that's where i would go in ecuador you know why because it's like geographically it's still it's closest it's latin it's latin there's a geodeo christian foundation that's my dad would say i'm gonna go down the list that's the thing about the asians they're wild is he really yeah because they're not geodeo christian yeah buddy the things the japs would do in the war are unspeak they're not like us anyway go ahead and give me a diet cook but you know you make a good point i would say living conditions the worst one is the pig village

in ecuador there's it's nothing but dirt it was pretty bad and pigs were literally running around and malaria and again she was the hottest she's the hottest one of the so then it's like do you live amongst pig shit for a hot girl but he's got a lot of vaccines he needs to take but he takes the malaria pill every day a pussy and then she knows it she's like you're half a fag so yeah oh she takes advantage of him you're not going to let me go home without money are you catching my camera here's where he's in katar they don't respect women especially a fair herd like me oh hell no kidnapped that you can't go the sultan you can't go i would be i dyed my hair dark when i went to the middle east there's exact there's places in the world where you just got to be like i'm not

going to be i'm definitely not going because i'm a woman i definitely i would get snatched up yeah yeah and gang rape by a bunch of guys cheek outfits or whatever they wear those white robes you can see and those are by the way those are the countries that um right now in the world afterwards you would get arrested and then stoned for getting raped by all those guys i know they blame you yeah they're like they're like you whore all these men got to rape you you fucking whore i know and then people are like wow what a bunch of savages and people like how dare you talk about them well that's the that's the neat part about today's climate is that yeah we're we're the assholes because we're not calling out the rape village i mean the taliban yeah no they're scum fuck yeah

like the taliban the taliban these whores came by and made us fuck them we stoned them all the dead yeah now hold on india no i don't have many rights there either i don't know if you don't have rights there i mean i'd have to be married i'd have to be wiped up right i don't i don't know i can't comment on it really because i don't know the indian culture that well but you'd have diarrhea all the time yeah but you'd adapt you'd adapt i don't know i hear that delhi belly is a real thing it's called delhi bell it's a true thing yeah when when uh the tourists go over there it's called delhi belly and that shit is real well that's what i'm saying though that's a visit what i'm saying if you were to move oh my god could you imagine after a month you'd be like dude

this shit doesn't even make me fart anymore i'm just adapted i weigh like 80 pounds it's awesome all right listen should we do something yeah you ready to start the show tata they're retard i've been saying it all we oh stop oh stop i like how you guys are like oh we don't joke about that stuff on on this show oh like i'm the only one that likes tata they're retard oh my god oh my god tata they're retard hey man i'm not trying to host the emmies i know i'm not trying to get on s now i'm not trying to do any kind of corporate work i already know that is long gone for me it is this show and stand up that's all i'm doing let's do it you ready yeah here we go we've got this $20 bill

he's gonna be like ozzy ozborn and take a bite out of this rat's head $20 right now nigga don't bring anyone loving to this welcome to your mom's house this feels like it might be an instant classic clip a man was presented with the overwhelming offer of $20 to bite the head off of a dead rat now correct me if i'm wrong he goes just like ozzy yeah that was like a bird wasn't it no it was a

bat was it a bat i'm pretty sure he bit a bat was a bat i mean look that's also revolting right guys yeah it was a bat wasn't it alive yeah that's different too it was different and then potter says he he bit the head off off a dove as well that's what i was saying i remember the dove cool yeah that was cool the symbol of peace yes of course it's a beautiful thing to do um yeah this guy i mean also this is again privilege but when you even entertain $20 to do something like this i'm like who who is being like 20 all of it and the thing too is that that is not a fresh rat no it's very dead it's been around for a minute it's smushy because i pick up dead rats on our and it's hard like it's you know you can see that its body isn't flailing it's hard and it's been

mushed because i pick up dead rats on our property a lot because we poisoned the shit out of them which is awesome and like when they're fresh i have nothing i love more than finding a dead rat but when they're kind of freshly dead from the night before they're still intact yeah and they're they're stiff but there's there's a little bit of weight to them they'll give but that yeah that thing's been mashed and it's got like dirt on it and stuff it's really disgusting i would not bite that rat now this guy who's considering it looks like somebody you could walk up to and offer $20 to do something and he doesn't get mad you know like most people if you were like i'll give you $20 to bite the head off this dead rat i'm like fuck you like you know it's so insulting this guy's

like you know well plus he doesn't have many teeth well there's always a tooth count and that's how you can tell who you can ask that to when right away you're like there's a lot of missing teeth and you can do that like if that's one of your instant summaries that's your bargaining your bargaining chip is what you're saying absolutely you go into the deal yeah exactly all right oh boy here we go he's gonna do it take a bite out of it just rip his head off like oh spit it right through the garbage can't do it yeah you can all right bite his leg off i don't care see it's really bad that thing's been dead for a while he just broke he broke his leg yeah it's really dead now also too i don't know if he's aware rats carry diseases they've been known to

carry one or two yeah just a little thing called the plague yep may not want to put that in your mouth or touch it and then touch your mouth i mean we could call a doctor just to make sure but i'm yeah i'm pretty sure i've read about this because when i pick up dead rats on our on our in our backyard and stuff yeah i put on black latex gloves and then i take out two hefty bags i open one i take out the other hefty bag i put my hand in that pick up the rat yeah put it in the other so i literally have about three or four barriers of plastic yeah and then i wash my hands quickly out like that's how sterile i am i love that though just touching it this guy's instinct is correct the guy being offered the twenty dollars is like i don't know that i don't know

but he's contemplating well that's what i'm saying he's still in there he's like i got six teeth that's twenty dollars what do you think he's gonna come on just bite the head off we gotta get back to work baby all right well hurry up just grab by his leg and just bite his head off real quick look that's Daniel's face right there oh my god oh my god look at the rat's mouth mm-hmm oh yeah it's got a lot of like fungus on the fur i'm gonna i'm gonna get sick watching this i just realized like its mouth is open yeah because when they die their mouths are open like that okay that's true oh shit look at those little come on man how much you gonna cost i give another ten another ten right now all right i i give another twenty that's 40 whoa

you have ripped that motherfuckers head off though bro if you don't rip it off his own will forty dollars tom how much are you going for to do this be real and i want you to be real let's be real how much are you doing this for a hundred dollars one hundred us dollars what one hundred and ten us dollars oh god okay what about a thousand us dollars no of course not of course a thousand i mean we're getting in the ballpark i think yeah to take just to bite the head off you have to eat it yeah you can spit it out you can spit it out you can spit out the head you just have to bite it off yeah i mean like look would i do it for a thousand no would i do it for close to a thousand probably like like i think like wait does any have a price you have a price

no there's no amount of money let's be real one million dollars i've had i'm offering you one million dollars oh why would you do that no i know it's a million dollars you would yeah of course of course everybody would fine yeah a million fucking dollars jesus christ i'd be fucking pissed at you though yeah i'd probably fight you afterwards but yeah i got the million yeah millions a lot and then so we'll be like how'd you make this million dollars man and you'd be like my dumb boss i'd just say i don't want to talk about it should we start a Kickstarter for this but here okay i got a question for you are you ready yeah 38 thousand dollars in cash is this a real offer are you really offering this i mean i'm just saying would you entertain that

what 38 it's kind of arbitrary tom i know it is uh no 38 no no no wow what i just want to it's a lot of money that's a lot of money no that's a year's salary for a lot of people dude not me 38 000 a dove easy you would do it yeah yeah he was down for a thousand yeah wait now would probably do it for free no why do we do it for the show i'm just saying i'm having a hard time with this one uh i'm not gonna like it even look at it uh i would cry in attempting doing it i don't know that i could do it what about 8 427 no that's too low what no it is really yeah i don't know if you know my cameos oh that's right are you still doing them they come in every now and

again and what's your price now it's a hundred dollars wow wow so when you said a hundred dollars i was like i mean i'd put the fat or the wrap between my toes oh a hundred dollars what about that shoulder here could you put it on your shoulder i'd make it dance a little yeah i'm not gonna eat it though you just have to bite the head off you're not eating it i would really like if everybody please watch the screen for this next oh please all right i can't it looks like our man just wiped his mouth like he's getting his mouth ready let's see if he does he's ready but he doesn't have the teeth to bite well let's we're gonna it's gonna be crunchy like a frito it's gonna crunch like a pork rind watch just watch it's gonna be easy all right it's gonna be an easy

wow why do you have to go big words at the end again you know what it reminds me of you know when you go to sushi and you order the ama ebi sweet shrimp and then they fry the heads for you yeah that's exactly what that's right and it sounded like it it's delicious that's delicious that i would do for less than a million i don't know that i here's a deal man i don't know if i would have done the rat teeth up like the open mouth that was stupid i would have done it teeth down i don't know i did road rules i feel like this is not that crazy i'm like i'm more that i even think about that i want to fucking throw up all right yeah oh man yeah it's pretty nasty rats are just nasty they are they're nasty

okay fucking gross yeah are you okay what about cockroaches remember um when joe would host fear factor and that was always the hardest one for me to watch is people eating cockroaches cockroaches yeah i would rather take the head off of that thing than eat a cockroach a live cockroach though what would you rather do i hate it when they eat cockroaches man this show's gonna make me sick for the first time i think i guess i would um okay i guess i would yeah maybe the dead thing over the live roach yeah that's gross i can't do that i can't i always remember that and joe would be like it's squishy like when they bite it and the like the bug juices would score out oh that was so hard to watch that was for a million right no fuck no wasn't back then huh no i give

people thousands of dollars like for that isn't that hilarious that people did that for like ten thousand dollars crazy i would never do that shit man what are we talking about now road rules we never had to eat anything nasty we just had to do dangerous stuff like we had to like go to the crocodile farm and put bags on crocodiles heads and stuff yeah and it was terribly dangerous actually looking back you know what you asked me the other day by the way you were what did i ask you you're like who the fuck buys hotel room yeah because i was staying at their night in a hotel yeah and i noticed they still offer pornography but you know how the economy works right tell me well if if people weren't buying yeah they wouldn't be on there man

so it's definitely i think the biggest thing is probably there's a lot of dudes who especially like the working you know the traveling businessman yeah who probably doesn't get to watch it at home like because of their setup you know right right the kids the kids how do i i think that's probably the biggest buyer is he like oh finally big tip patrol and then he you know but then wouldn't you just put it up on your device it's free you can get it for free on the interweb different experience to lay back on the seat on the big screen hear the sound the theater experience yeah man that's a totally different experience i never thought of it that way now can you purchase hardcore pornography or just the bullshit here's what i found i've only i've probably ordered hotel

room porn i would say twice in 10 years because i'm like you where you know there's the internet on my phone on my computer but the times that i've done it here's what's the bummer right you go oh it's a orgy house party and you're like great i'll kind of like skim through and what it finds it'll be like one long scene the movie the movie will be 60 minutes of one of like everybody's arriving and then they're like hey let's party and then you're like all right there's these three girls with these all right i'll i'll see this and then it's like you're fast forward you're like they're still blowing them jeez it's been 25 minutes but don't remember like in softcore they kind of loop the same thing over and over is that what they're doing like looping the same no it's i mean it's a

hardcore scene for sure you see vagine you see everything jizz it's everything yeah yeah but it's just like they on the internet it's like short attention span right and i think in the hotel room they're like this is it you're saying you get the story you get the character work you get the acting layers you get layers yeah and look he's a good it's a good thing if you're if you're a pro porn yeah it's good because you're actually putting money into the business oh right good i didn't think about that no it's true because like the sex work well that's but that's one of their top complaints about like tube sites and stuff sure that they're like you know we're not getting paid for this so it's eroded the whole economy of pornography has their memory used to

be able to go to the pussycat theater in la and watch porn in a movie theater i didn't do that seems cry not right kidding me no but i definitely i went um how do you sit through an entire feature film in public but i remember uh i got a video i got like a dvd from a store before a dvd from a store yeah yeah yeah everyone did that and that was a thing and then you were supporting the business though too yeah from a business standpoint but once the internet was like don't fucking buy it uh you know with music too music music got sabotaged but um if i'm just thinking like how crazy would it be like in that movie taxi driver when he takes her the date they go to the movie oh my god he's so crazy yeah he's like when i go to a movie he's such a maniac and then she's like um he's like

huh like he's uh he's such a psycho that he doesn't register yeah he's like what are you upset Jesus all right i could see you doing that to me when you're dating going to the porno movie first date like like you ready to go to a movie yeah could you imagine how many guys are just jerking it though in that theater like they're all jerking it right yeah i probably would used to be much more acceptable to jerk it i'm sure there was probably like tissues back then like on the yeah in the aisles but yeah i think in today's world it's a little bit more frowned upon you know no yeah number one peewee herman's career got destroyed because he jacked it yeah movie but i mean jacked it in a porn he didn't jack it at a disney movie i know you know it's one thing if you're jacking during the

lion king but if you're at a porn yeah you're supposed to be you can't be that upset i know what's this guy doing he's jacking off at a porno his life got ruined yeah well interesting i didn't even look at the hotel pornography options no i just assumed they would be inferior to the quality that i could receive in my regular tube sites yeah because remember that time we went on vacation and we we ordered some feature films remember on the crew was it a cruise ship and it was soft core oh yeah and i called down to complain i called the concierge because we were like what is this don't they have what is it he was Filipino he was he goes oh oh i go sir i bought a movie yeah it's not it's soft core you don't get to see any penetrate he goes oh

okay like i'm trying to i'm trying to see you know like when it goes in and out i want to see hardcore and he was like oh yeah hold on one second yeah and then he like asked around yeah he asked around he was like okay no charge and then one time we stayed in the dominican republic that was that was awesome and just on our regular tv in our room was channel 69 channel 69 yeah it was 24 seven hardcore porn and i told other dads about it at the pool and they're like i don't get that channel yeah i guess we just got lucky we got lucky like they unscramble it for our room and then they gave us a questionnaire on the way out what was the best part of your vacation here and i wrote channel 69 yeah channel 69

speaking of 69 i can't believe so i mean i don't know how much josh is going to let me tell about his life but let's just put it this way josh gets laid yeah josh gets laid and like not that he's so delightful as a human but i'm like what's the game like how is josh getting so late i think that he was getting laid before he was on your mom's house correct yeah yeah he's been getting laid but i also think that like you know the older you get the more comfortable you get with yourself and the and the less like when you're a young man most of the time you're freaked out by women right and like the prospect of like it's it's intimidating but the older you like he's he's taken way more at bats he's just i think he's just more comfortable am i wrong no no i mean uh when i was younger i was

like they want nice guys and i did all that garbage not to say that i'm an asshole now or anything but i understand uh how to slow play that a little bit like uh let's not buy flowers on the first date kind of sure what i'm saying right but you don't know that when like i wish i did know that i know the hair i had back then too i would have been fucking oh my god i know such a weight so what is like the potter approach though yeah what are you doing i don't i i wish i could give you a concise answer in terms of uh what i'm doing because i'm just as when christina said it to me the other night she's like you're getting laid it's so how are you doing it i'm like i know isn't this wild you know but yeah i'd like to think that it's uh my unbelievable charm is uh

overcoming but do you try because you know i mean like the do you try to get laid well what i'm trying to say like do you it does it register that like you're trying or do you initiate i think so i mean i think honesty and being cut and dry about it all is pretty good like what do you what does that mean you're like do you want to sleep with me i make it pretty aware that i'm not here for a friendship yeah you know what i'm saying and you do that overtly or is it like something that somebody i guess it's a case by case issue like some of them you like just lay it down so they pick it up you know yeah and some you're like hey by the way i want to fuck right you know and then what you don't say that necessarily say it in so many words wait what do you say okay here's i wish like i'm trying

to conjure up an example okay okay josh because i think what's working for you is that you seem safe yeah you seem like a guy who you're not gonna you're not gonna dick me over well i think the thing is if i were to dick you over you'd be like okay so what right so there's that you know right like no big loss yeah there's no skin in the game for the girl yeah that piece of shit didn't answer i'm all upside baby you know like yeah when you get in at the ground floor like this it's all upside yeah it's tough to disappoint when they come in at that you know what i'm saying like plus i think there's something there's a sweetness to josh yeah you'd be like i could see like you want to help him out you're like he's not gonna come in my face yeah like he's not gonna do anything shitty to

you you're like i don't want to say charity but i think it's like a well you do get a good sense of yourself if you're with me like hey i'm not a shallow bitch after all you know i'm with this guy you have amazing perspective on this yeah yeah want to listen you're you're smart you're uh attractive yes you're taking some digging in to find some redeeming qualities but they're there they're definitely there but don't you feel like part of it too though is the thing where you know when you're younger you might go like i i shouldn't even be having this conversation with you and that now you're like like you're you're not as uh wowed or you know i mean thrown off by the girl that's talking to you oh sure i mean it takes it's i'm not gonna

be very impressed with most things that's what i'm saying you know what i mean yeah so it's like i kind of like hey this is fun if i don't i don't i'm not affected by rejection anymore interesting so it's really a numbers game at the end of the do you take a lot of swings then hell yeah dude i take i i swing at every pitch outside the zone curveballs slurves i'm all over the place i love this guy and this is what i'm i'm excited to film our new documentary josh potter fucking in europe and what's gonna happen is i will be the director of this film i'm gonna guess i guess i'll get to watch you in action i wonder how good i'd be in europe though it scares me because i have to use the english language to overcome my shortcomings do you

know what i'm saying i think i think i tell you something i think you are going to be the exotic desirable there because you're a foreigner you're going as an entertainer yes yeah you're putting on the shows you're gonna have maybe everybody laugh and then they'll be like you leave now and you'll be like yeah i'll leave in a few hours but i could still you know anal is still an option and then he just dumps it in there enough time for a couple anyway i think what you write your conversation skills are good because you actually listen to women and i think that's really novel like i don't think a lot of men really listen to what women say and i think that's your strong suit but i'm curious what your approach is to like

being direct so do you like you throw it in kind of cat like okay we're at we're we're at um what restaurant are we at davin buster's we're at davin buster's and we're having nachos and are you know what i mean and well what i've been very fortunate enough in recent months with is that the woman is often very direct too you know they come into the scenario going like i know what's going on you know what i'm saying like so she's like she's like so do you want to go back to my place and eat nachos listen i've i've i've been up against it in so many ways where it's like i have to knock down the door like bettering ram knock it down like try to get in there and that's a woman that's on a date which i but when it's a scenario where i'm the person

that's pursuing them i have to like go jump through a bunch of hoops and stuff like that and so when i get the green light right away it's like oh boy this is oh so right when they're like yeah yeah i'm down too you're like oh this is all right yeah then it really doesn't take much after that how much of it is centered around your comedy all every 100 percent wow that's that's what he did see he's lucky in that he found a skillet something he's great at and yeah because like it's attractive it's basically you should be advising the guys out there who are like i need to i want to be like it's basically find that skill set right yeah i think if you i think if you ascend to a level that is like elite in any profession that you're in you start getting pussy thrown at you i mean

my dad ran an old country buffet when you started getting pussy thrown at them so i mean shit women love power yeah exactly yeah mm-hmm but like do you do you do lines are you like i don't like lines oh no fuck i'm not a fucking fan i mean like like i'm trying to see how do you have a job here to fuck face i mean like but what i'm saying is so how do you let a woman know you're interested in her sexual because i i would friend zone you all right let's say well yes i know the difference on it now okay so to let them know i'm into them sexually i would make it known you know what i mean

how do you make it no i think you have to be no i can't just there is no like there is no x y z to it there's it's it's a situation by situation sort of thing like it depends how down they are if you're friend zoning me i know right away and i immediately then cut the head off that fucking snake and i don't let that infiltrate my world you can't i don't get friend zoned anymore if it's friend zone it's like peace be with you you know what i'm saying so you'll text her like let's say hey you want to hang out tonight and then you'll be like let's hang out at my place like you i wouldn't even fuck with a girl whose friend intentions were friend zone unless i wanted to be friends with her of course that's not i'm

friends with plenty of girls but if it's like someone that i want to fuck and i know that they're not into it or date or whatever and i know they're there that's not what they're into i don't even spend time on that anymore that's the difference from when i was like 22 i see so you you cut the you cut the yeah it's a crudeless endeavor i don't even fuck with it cut those girls out quick if she's like hey uh there's this movie i really want to see you're like just let me eat you right that's a great technique yeah like have you ever had someone go down on you in a movie theater i've done that one time okay you had the last girl that i had sex before i moved to la i fucked her in a movie i'm gonna be sad how did that happen i proposed it i said to her have you ever

like because we were listening into the radio and that lannis more said came song came on right she goes down on you in a theater i was like have you ever had someone go down in here she's like no i was like that sounds like it'd be fun and she was into it and then we did i forget what the movie was it was it an empty theater hold on which theater it was at noon and it was uh i'm like on tuesday at noon okay where in alice so okay before i moved here good empty theater and it was empty yes we got gorgeous christ oh yeah it was wild it was so much fun good for you man i recommend it you were talking about the porno theaters fuck that yeah go ahead and fuck at them it wasn't like a children's one you're like our little fuck animal that that works here you're such a deviant

i know i mean it's all nice and tidy it's not like it's yeah yeah but her her vaginal juices are all over the seat yeah they clean it up it would only don't clean it up oh the floors aren't already sticky uh yeah but you don't want to sit on someone else's vaginal juices it was the back row corner no one's going up it's fine i'm proud of you thank you all right all right any other uh inquiries no i'm good i'm good good job josh thank you i feel like any his game is pretty straight on though like you like he's attractive he's got he's got a car he's got a watch like josh he's got a car got a watch wearing a hat he's got a whole bunch of things going on he's got a hat he won't eat a rat for 38 000 dollars got dignity no and he's an obvious choice then do you do you pull a similar game

that he's talking about uh i kind of just i mean for me it's the challenge so if i feel like i have an opportunity and it'll net me something i just kind of go after it but but he's right there's no x yz it's kind of like you know per basis yeah so wait but you want you want it to be a challenge though like if it's if it's like super easy see josh goes for the low hanging fruit yeah the ones that are like i'm all in and any is like no no no i want that one up there and i'm gonna work for it yeah i see okay well they're in two different two different leagues here well yeah but i mean they're both effective because they both get the bus at the end of the day that's right that's really the goal that's all that matters that's all that matters try to get that nut any do you what do you

say to do you even have to say anything to women no i don't know there's not like a no he's he's got you say like i see i see a pretty little bitch sitting over here oh my god who are you i see you pretty little bitch yeah yeah i think that's what anybody wants i mean actually i feel like if any said that and i was a girl i'd be like hey what's up oh of course he's smooth he could say anything to you you'd be like you want to suck my dick here bitch okay yeah dude that is actually something i wanted to experiment with like say stop hitting the table i wanted to see uh if i could take some of the things that the cool guys have said and make it work for me yes in real life yes i think it could i bet you could do that i want to try it yeah i'm looking for girls for pussy could try that

you think that should be the first one no i turn it to a telescope yeah you know that could work for you oh thank you guys all right all right here we go anyways we'll be talking about getting laid getting paid yeah um we know who's back i wanted to show you oh really exciting it is really really exciting you're so gonna love this oh just got out baby so late county let's go here's my boy baby let's get it yeah so late county baby all right we up out of jail that is a time to say we up out of here he got it right once wait i mean so does he say why he's been put in jail i don't know but he's at s lc yeah whoo just got out girl let's get it it's a beautiful day baby we're doing it and we're moving it baby

wow he's really fucking it's fired up well it does feel good it feels good to get out of jail but it still you know whoo i did a week baby a week baby just got out and we up out of here he said his phrase all right toadie for those of you i've missed him so much not not familiar with who we're talking about this is his original piece you know like that as though like break up so hard don't get me wrong ladies ladies and gents play boys and play girls whoo break ups are hard but you gotta realize yeah that ass whoo you know a sexy italian boy like me the most fucking drop that gorgeous guy in this motherfucking state of utah yeah i can't get any girl in the state that ass we are funny i wonder if that ass if potter would adapt that like persona if he would get

laid a lot i don't know just the thought i think i think you would i think you would he says he's italian he's the only italian josh could be like i'm the hottest buffalo greek boy you know what i'm saying i did a week baby a week he did a week i mean that's a lot of time in jail well no no for a regular person that would crush me well yeah no it's not good you don't want to do any time in jail but a week it's like what could he have done i mean i i bet you he had warrants he had like unpaid shit and then had to get it figured out something like that you know it's not it's not what are you saying that it's like they're like what's he getting arrested for he probably you know ignored his revoked

insurance and uh it's stupid shit yeah toad he's on dumb shit he's not doing anything real it is it's like i murdered a couple kids dead ass they dead ass it's not that it's definitely yeah you're right and strict expired the tags and you got pulled over the tags aren't on the car do you like you're not supposed to be driving he's like on my bag like no you're going to jail what officer please dead ass but that might be why he's so insistent on you taking your uvers yeah because he has to take the uvers you know what i'm saying because he doesn't have a license anymore that is true i love tony i've missed him on the gram i can't take your uvers i can't find him yeah she said he's i think he went into hiding a little bit well he's a i think he does pornography

what i think so i think he does pornography what yeah that's the rumor on the gram how do you know somebody sent me um a dm on the gram with hit the profile that didn't i send it to you native his profile his porno profile no i think he just sent me the uh the compilation that i found this on okay there's no there's porn of this guy there's no i didn't see it i thought for sure yeah so i mean he was reviewing a fake uh pussy but i mean i didn't prep that one yeah that's just normal i just want to say you know let's message for katie okay you know what i'm saying i just got this fresh cup baby you know what you don't deserve this italian young buck baby because you know what girl there's the watch again i got plenty of girls sitting me up they like oh

he's amazing i like i don't know what it is i'm really drawn to tony they're like tony i want you to dick me down i want you to show me a good motherfucking time tony you know what baby you don't deserve this young buck baby you know what i'm saying katie yeah you know why i love him i see him i see inside he's just a vulnerable you know insecure little boy i see that i see him as a little child so you kind of want to you're like okay with it you're like yeah like this is innocuous to me but the guy who's like i want to lick your pussy let me lick your pussy okay well i don't like that i'm gonna be having girls the whole weekend they're gonna be squirting baby oh my god there you go now i'm over it yeah i liked him but now i don't that's what you were

it that's what you wanted why the nips stuff come on nobody wants to see a man playing with his nips no they're gonna be squirting baby but don't you do you think that's something women really i think as a whole we can agree on no i don't want to see a man pinching his nipples i'm into it you're into seeing other men never i love that older guy who was like oh he's like flicking his nipples that's for gay guys other guys you know i'm talking about like that grandpa that guy was he was like uh that was i mean i i wish that was on billboards when i drove around i love that guy yeah yeah he was uh he was really kind of you know tony johns taunting there you go yeah oof he's oof be gentle bitch nipple baby yeah

yeah all right all right he needs to be gentler with himself oh god yeah we're gonna throw up okay i would rather watch 10 10 guys biting rats heads off in this are we done oh okay okay okay i can't even watch it i'm done thank you all right is he still doing it nbc is back this week the conners the conners no that's abc nipple pinchers that guy was awesome i would love to see that when i'm just driving around you know you can you're just not looking hard enough it's all around no but i want to see it on billboards you know like screens just playing that guy all it's just flicking you know you can do that for your crowd when they're loading in your shows

you can have these on screens no just him for an entire hour as they load in the audience and it's just multiple screens of that guy like in the audience is like oh my god what are we here for we got to go yeah yeah i did some show i did a casino show i did a casino show like a month ago and i had people because in casinos what happens is you have your fans buy it but they always withhold tickets and they give it to vip's they give it to like people who are just looking for entertainment so they give it to people who have no idea who you are yeah and somebody told me that i ran into there like man uh you like five minutes into the show i hit like a particularly dirty joke he's like as soon as

you said it i saw the row in front of me just pop up out of their seat they just got up and they were like nope yeah don't want to hear this yeah i had a child in the front row of my vegas show a seven-year-old girl on her iphone the whole time i'm like whose kid is this and the people next to them are like oh it's so bizarre i was like this is weird well it's vegas yeah vegas is like please more tony johns i i just love him so much i'm so taken with tony they're gonna be squirting baby yeah young boy yeah and my bad we are about to hit jail cool guy tony man cool guy tony that is though that is though the whole persona is amazing there's also this for you for our listeners one of the greatest discoveries in recent times is back with something else i am a very sexual person

i am a very sexual person i am a very sexual person i am a very sexual person so are you so are you yes babe so are you okay nice you know what to do internet so let's have sex let's have sex tonight let's have sex let's have sex let's have sex tonight i feel like okay got it i got it tonight that's josh flotter that's that's josh's inner dialogue that's really what it is let's have say x let's have say x tonight say x i'm gonna make josh say i'm gonna make josh come out to that every time he does shows opening for me but don't you feel like this is every pop song ever

written of course he's just spelling it out he just forgot about metaphors so yeah yeah no you're i am a very sexual person every prince song ever isn't this the premise of every of course i'm down to fuck yeah hey could you could you dress it up a little bit for us let's have say yes yeah say x yeah yeah say x say x remember when that song came out with george michael who six every that's not i want your sex yeah i'm gonna be like whoa brazen he said the s word it was so brazen back then you're a kid you don't expect it and everybody was like he's super sure um this is pretty cool yeah and tonio clown is a brown is a uh football player and tonio brown yeah and he is um a self saboteur oh dear who has ruined his career but one thing that came out

recently is that he went to get um his body fat i guess checked by one of his doctors and there's video of it and uh well here it is what an asshole i love him so much my bad what team is this guy on uh none oh i like him i mean it was a pretty good far i have to say but it's really it doesn't really compare no nothing compares to this so that's one thing i can tell my mom she's better at than antonio brown and tonio but you don't i love about the antonio brown which is what i love in any part is like he looks at the camera and he's like pleased with himself and he's like my bad my bad it's so coquettish i love it

and that those didn't sneak out me push those out may i see his farts again yeah i love it it's like booger from revenge of the nerds it's a smile after he rips one i know it's a good smile that's pretty good he did good work they're little farts but you know that one was tiny the second one has a little yeah but you know it's no it's no char it's no hello patriots there is another available talent her fart has layers to it it goes like rounds of it it does yeah pretty great like a panther wow all right uh this is just announced very exciting news i am in fact truly coming to australia at

this time and i am adding new zealand i've gotten all the jokes that when are you gonna cancel um that would probably be the week before but until then it is on the books i'm coming to melbourne australia brisbane sydney perth and ockland new zealand uh i'll be in melbourne starting january 17th and i will i'll be out there for about a week so very excited that the shows are on sale now tomsaker dot com slash tour um coming up let's see this week uh el paso um tucson and what has left there's a few tickets left for the late show in denver and that's it um and then in a few weeks demoin iowa linkin nebraska sue city iowa minneapolis and fargo those are on sale at tomsaker dot com slash tour and then of course i do my european tour

with josh potter we're going to be in budapest berlin amsterdam antwerp paris london salphard and doublin and uh all those and more tomsaker dot com slash tour jean well exciting news jean i'm doing a residency here at flapairs in burbank california and i've extended it through december so pretty much every thursday i'll be doing the yuhu room at flappers comedy club in burbank very intimate room only about 50 tickets that's why i do it so i can really kind of you know lock eyes with you pet your head nuzzle with you um october third through fifth i'm in nashville tennessee at zany nice um october 17th urvine and the urvine improv october 25th pasadena the ice house and then

november 22nd seattle and then november 23rd portland and that's the year and then we're looking at 2020 now that's fantastic and i just got an update that um i have a contract uh with uh los vegas next year i will be at the mirage um for a number of weekends so the first one they just announced is friday march 6 i'll be there march 6 and 7th and may 29th and 30th and that's at the terry feitor theater in los vegas at the mirage those are on sale today or excuse me by the time you see this they're on sale now they're on sale now go ahead um go to tomsegar dot com slash tour or just go to the mirage website thank you very much los vegas all right we're back with one of the best comedians working today and i'm so happy that you're here jay ochre

so thank you for coming this is a long long overdue um i see you like every uh you know three seven years yeah that's always great we cross paths yeah um i remember we did uh oddball um the last oddball ever because they're like oh this is a fucking failure of an idea that was that was a sebastian year that well he was doing like three dates right that was that was the thing no he did a bunch of them but also sebastian's audience is man they are for sebastian only well that it's not a comedy audience so when he was done they were uh they came especially to what was the beat the it was jones beach yeah that was like the most packed one and there and then everyone was like oh this looks really italian and then he went uh second to last yeah he never went and like 14

thousand people oh my god yeah and it was like jim jeffrey's talking to like 100 people in an yeah but we did um that was fun you did i got i mean i still think it's like the hardest thing because you forget it if you don't do it for a while you were opening the shows in amphitheaters so like people are getting beers and like you fucking i did that for concert like like music concerts so before do you enjoy it um i like the access and like hanging around like that environment worth it immediately yeah no i wouldn't do it again i don't think unless the like the money was crazy because it was never a money thing it was just like you like serious to go do that yeah uh in your life just going towards like a popular band like that so that was fun who was the

band he's done it with a bunch of i did corn just like oh my god just like a tour of them they were like the headline and then i did twice a mayhem fest which was like where us fest became audiences cool like i can see if like being at a show like that where they might just think it's fun to fuck with whoever's not corn oh absolutely i was afraid of that that's why i went so like aggressively at them oh you did yeah so you go up there yeah i wouldn't just try to go so uh this town's pretty crazy i'm from a crazy town do you know i didn't try to do i didn't try to do any introduction of like comedy it was like you know it's like look at these fucks over here yeah yeah and plus isn't it daylight still um like on the it was great that the way it worked out by chance just probably the

only way it could have worked out the the corn tour was like night time only concert so it was i'd go up to open the thing for like six seven minutes oh thank god bring up like a local opening band they would always use and then i'd go up for like 10 minutes while the band support act support act set up uh then they were going then i would go out and do like 15 minutes before but by that point the place was packed so it was the best environment to try to actually like get them going and they would actually become good audience in some cases those were good because it was places that were manageable it was called the ballroom blitz tour so they chose to do small venues okay to go from that where some of these venues were a thousand people 1200 people which is very manageable to

like the first amphitheater when we was saying Bernardino and was like get out there you're on before rob zombie and like the people are very excited for rob zombie and they have no they're like did a fucking roadie just grab a microphone and started insulting my girlfriend i mean i get anxiety hearing you describe this right now like i would have anxiety on those oddball shows what like watching you start because i would obviously envision myself up there and i'd be like i just start shaking my head like nope don't want any part of like people thousands of people finding their seats and you're still dialed in doing your thing it's amazing also i mean people don't i couldn't do this with the music concerts but oddball

and i'm sure uh brody did this too because he was hosting the side stage for years before i did it too and it's really like it's it's what you make it like yeah the production itself doesn't have any vibe of like let's make it's just here's all the shit we're offering yeah check it out if you want go check out the small stage and i would just be like at 6 p.m or 5 p.m whenever that small stage started and i was hosting that for the local people it was like it's really not fair to just like there's nothing really directing them to do it so i'd spend like an hour on the microphone like telling people to come over tell them what the main stage isn't open and like kind of organizing that and the same with the with the main stage too they want me to just be like all right walk out

there and start talking to the people you know like let them know you're the host and it's like there's got to be some kind of like yeah like intro to it but let us let us know that the show has started oddball fell apart hard yeah because it was by the way it funny enough the promoter on that not live nation but the actual like independent promoter of it was the same guy that did the mayhem festival so i knew the guy around so they just i remember those like a lot of genres he looked like a fucking mayhem guy yeah the white shook knight that guy is it's so funny if you go back and watch guns and roses like behind the music and stuff he's all over that he was like their manager through like their heyday yeah and now we just like tour promotes what happened to oddball

so people listen well here's okay so people don't know oddball was like comedy's lala pelusa or you know i mean big comedy festival and the way it works is they book enormous amphitheaters and the way the only way to do an amphitheater comedy tour is to have you have to have a star headline it because you're talking about 15 000 plus tickets yeah a city right so the one that like and you also need somebody to who it's worth it for them to do it on a tour like this right like if they're can be responsible for 15 000 tickets like they probably make a lot more money just doing it themselves themselves yeah and they ended up used to like be part of it i mean they had you know in previous years when you should pel did was the headliner one obviously right huge success

they had louis headline one they had aziz and aziz was the final but like amy and she was like red hot so like you know the biggest names are doing this tour and it lasts like a month six weeks and you hit like all these crazy said well the the year that the one that i did it because i think you did multiple ones right i did the amy and aziz year and then sebastian so but the so what happened was right before they were they were they're like i was like who's the headliner and they're like uh we're out to chappelle and we're getting they're supposed to announce it in august like we're giving them till like um july 1st to decide and i was like that's a late yeah so what happened in july 1st came around and i was like so is chappelle doing it and they're like

we're gonna give him till like july 10th so then like another week goes by and then they're like he passed i'm like so who's the headliner and they're like they're out to rock and like what's then it's like july 18th oh rock said no now what well they think that like sarah and somebody else might and then i think they made a problem too not to interrupt you but also is the chappelle and chris rock uh word leaked so people were the world was getting ready for the chris rock chappelle to a big comedy fans were ready for a rock chappelle tour by what they've heard is basically definitely happening right and then everybody pulled yeah and then like there was i remember that like they go well there was this like a few dates in florida that you know sebastian couldn't do so for those dates

one of them will be gabriel one of them will be reagan then we're going to go to this other region and uh you know malaney's going to do this date but he can't do the next so there was no consistent no and then we all clear our schedules commit to like 30 days and they're like we're doing 11 they cancel like half of them they've canceled more than half yeah it was by the year because when i did it the second year part of my like nervousness and even going was like man it's long and they said now because of the success of the i guess the schumer year yeah they're like we're like we're going bigger with this we're going to do a bunch more cities and they thought they had like you know those names coming on and they didn't they had to kind of throw it to the wall with sebastian

and man i mean that exodus was wicked every night second to last see it happen second to last you would just like ants marching just like as soon as he says good night like it's just a weird they're like shows over like no there's one more no shows over yeah then why wouldn't they switch the order is it was just that's the demand i think i think the contracting too though yeah i think the person who gets like i think the sweet spot is the second to last because amy didn't go last oh and that's odd that is an oddball uh john oliver did i remember he did he did two dates and so he closed the two dates that he did okay i don't get it yeah it was just i don't know but it was all contract well the thing is you don't want i just found that out we did the legionist skank stand-up show

last night yeah the main room and it was one of those we want to get everybody on and a bunch of new york guys are out here so we brought and by the time and because the legionist skank show is like well i'll i'll close it i guess and then you the show was over i was like i guess i give myself more of a sweet spot yeah i got there those the ovation was great but it's a nice sit down and start talking you just see their faces like yeah how much longer is the show match like we're over two hours in and you're just like hey that's good out of here uh jeff ross told me on that that i had one of the sweet spots which was the spot right before intermission 100 percent same with african when you did that like a build build build the sun's going down sun's going down and

then it's like hey intermission is gonna come up people are gonna go away but they're gonna stay for this one like they're finally dialed in yeah and so you get to do your 20 and then and then you're just like oh i'm fucking just done feels so good yeah there was a guy we did a tour in south africa tommy and i and a few other people and there was a guy i the second to last was also the killer the killer he was the look the chris rock of south africa louise agola yeah no no it was david cow but louise wasn't he on the show then that's a different louise definitely oh sorry any who knows somebody insisted on i get it so he insisted on closing out as part of his contract every night and he would just eat dex he would have to follow he would it's like follow him

like following sebastian in atlantic city you know where you'd be like no thanks no don't care what the check looks like i don't want to do it it was like i mean david would fucking oblique he was not only just killing because he's a good comic but he was also there like south african and would refer like make references to south african culture politics things in the news things you you weren't even aware of we didn't know the audience is just like falling at us and you're like oh and they're like someone's going after this you're gonna die like it was it was almost hard to watch i did a cape town festival like years ago 16 years ago they did a cape town comedy festival out there and it was jim jeffreys was out there before he ever came to america or anything

that was a weird like it is so funny seeing those international like they go guys big photo op you have to go downstairs uh graham smith is here so like you know we go down now before he leaves because we want to get these pictures and i'm like who is that and they go i mean the captain of the national cricket team graham smith and i went i go i mean i'm gonna take the picture it's fine and there you go to the wrong guy yeah their description though was that he they go he's uh they go graham smith he goes dude you don't understand this is like taking a picture with like barry bonds yeah and like well it isn't because you know who barry bonds yeah dude cricket cricket you ever talk about cricket uh to like somebody from

india or pakistan like i love it their um like instagram team page following is 50 times the size of like uh patriots or yeah you know i mean like a big sports team here or if you go to uh any like ral madrid um you know barcelona soccer teams you and you see what a what a fan base can be yeah and you're like there's 185 million people following this and then you go to tom brady it's like six million you're like oh my god like that's when six million seems like yeah you're like this guy sucks no one's a fan of him it's kind of shit going on it really is like the difference when you like the global sports are it's it's not even comparable you know i mean overseas uh comics too like when they're popular oh yeah multi millions of like that louisa goal

name i said bernice guy i met him in south africa he's got like tens of millions of followers what was the louiso louiso louiso i forget he's doing really well he's doing great ended up being he was on our show and this is no shit we're doing theaters we're doing durbin johannesburg and you know they're like 1200 cedars like legit theaters and you see this lineup of all comics who have been working for years and he's like this my third show like what yeah he's like yeah i did it last week and then they i did it thing and then they're like do you want to do the festival and you're like really and he's a really nice kid you're like look man just you know just try and don't don't worry and then he's like killing for sure i was like i've never seen anything

like this he was like a prodigy yeah like he's he was just that was so bizarre i was like so tonight was your sixth show ever and he's like yep like the whole week um one thing i wanted to ask you about is uh so like you're you're one of the best comedians you're one of my favorite comics to watch i love watching you and you know you always go for it i feel like in the last the shift in the last i don't know maybe i'm wrong about this five to ten years new york has gotten like so woke about like you know i mean like as a city so how often do you are you doing like does it affect stand-up in that you do things because you go for it like you really go for jokes and by the way he we did the degenerates together yeah you guys did on ball we did the

degenerates yeah in las vegas yeah and did you like it did you like it it's on neflix out the tape out like what are the actual taping itself the taping it was so i thought the crowds were like not that amped up no they were terrible for a stand-up like thing it was like the crowds did feel like they were like subdued for sure yeah i was terrible i mean it went well i mean it was fine yeah i was fine but it's like uh yeah it was funny when when you get out there was one of the shows i went at the end and you do have those like uh those feelings it's always funny when you get that when you're like one person does okay other person doesn't think you know they're funny with the crowds like yeah and you go let me get out there and change the level this game and you go

yeah and you go it is the crowd yeah you never believed was the crowd till it happens to you yeah and like by the way the crowd's tired i fucking hate the idea that it's never the crowd i'm not one of the people that subscribes to that it's never the yeah that's some people are like it's never the crowd you're always you could always like no that's not true it's definitely also i always hated the if you're a real comedian and there's a microphone you'll do it anywhere no not really no one of the biggest bummers i've had is showing up to like just hang out and someone being like you gotta do a spot and you're like no i i really don't want to yeah i don't like that either like oh i thought you were coming i'm just like you know i'm not tonight

yeah yeah spot like no or the um the idea of coming off of like you know a lot of shows so you're like someone's like you don't want to do time like i did eight hours this week yeah like it's i'm it's multiple hours yeah so it's funny it's funny as your head lining more to that like the idea of local spots i do less and less than them but they are important some degrees yeah no they definitely are important but so i wanted to know because like i think of you i think of a guy that is hilarious great jokes goes for it pushes it you know i mean like you know like what i sound i hate the expression but like you are you know you you're edgy whatever the whatever the expression is like you're you're somebody who i would go to watch because i like

that type of camera so does does it happen though because mine i might i feel like new york is very really the center of of like that's not okay now do you encounter that a lot shows do you think it's worse than la i think it's more i really i think la is way more woke oh i don't think so in my in my experience i think joe the rosa said he's getting the fuck out of dodge because he's like out of here yeah because he was just like it's too easy he's come down really but i think they were spoiled by the store so maybe oh yeah the comedy stores are pretty much all i do you know um yeah new york has been yeah for sure i mean i was surprised to find out at one point somebody told me there is a a network of shows that they're calling safe space

i've heard this comedy shows i've heard this but i just the concept of that is so mind blowing to me because like it's it's just too like isn't that subjective yes to what's like safe space to you so if you go so what if you go there like i'm going to a safe space comedy show in the comic to something about divorce like i just got divorced like a person who would go to a safe space comedy show would be like no divorce it's too much some people in the audience have been divorced exactly they'll get like that you're you're now playing to the people who are watching only to find the reason to hate you right seems very bizarre um it's hard not to give like any time or or value to it but yeah more so you think la the skank stuff how it's like built up you guys

have created a not safe space following so then people go for fun they come for exactly for what it is yeah that everyone takes it as a joke i said the proud was talking about this last night what's become weird is when people put their thing into you like you're raging against something for them yeah so i've had a lot of people and it's sweet yeah i know they're born they're like man say more racist stuff and more sexist things and be more dark and dirty and when it and it's like and you know it's like fuck these motherfuckers and you'll show them and it's just like i really am just writing things i think are funny that's it yeah i just dick around like it might be about something as benign as buying a car to like or something as raunchy as whatever so yeah exactly

it's nothing i've never done it like i've never written a joke that wasn't like super filthy or whatever and i've gone like wow it's not really on brand i'm like i don't think it's funny i think it's funny yeah it's been so it's funny uh how much that like safe space and like woke energy has created like these people raging on the other side too for something that's not i did a thing how about just watch what you like and don't watch what you know that's exactly so popular like what joey dia says when he was here that people are listening to a wire tap it's the idea that like this is how people talk behind closed doors yeah a lot of us have to pretend to be a lot woker in public i mean i'm serious and then you get how many friends you're like i don't know what the fuck

this pronoun shit is but you joke about it i'm not saying you're necessarily hateful no no but you're just like what what is but also part of it too now is the idea that um people you know people actually are layered and complicated yeah and but in social media or when people like to analyze things they just like to go like what was what's the thing you said about this now i know who you are right and when you're like but that's no like yeah that was a joke about this i actually have you know a full spectrum of opinions on a lot of things like well there's a lot to be said for like hey interview the person don't like just take a comic set start basing everything on that i know it's i know it's not a great analogy but it's i do think it's similar to like running edward

norton over the coals for his white supremacist beliefs you know why did you attack that store and go in there with your white supremacist skinhead friends yeah that was a film yeah yeah i was like yeah but i mean you did it so you probably also mean it yeah exactly no it's true i'm sure i um i just read some review of of a comedy show you know which i it's i always think it's crazy but like of like a live show in the review you know the person was somewhat informed but then they're like at the root of every comedian's jokes or material is a revelation of how they're like no it's not it's not a revelation of how they must feel it could just be that's the best joke they could write about that thing that's it and sometimes you know sometimes

you have some words like i think most comedy gets explanatory like that though when you're kind of forced to yeah like you wish like this hammering weird direction off color punchline is just going to get what it deserves but like you end up making a point because to get that joke to work you have to now explain to an audience right what's okay and why it's just that i'm a kidding and you shouldn't be upset bizarre you know we have a tie-in to the degenerates actually was that they they asked me to remove one joke which i thought was crazy isn't that show it's called the degenerates yeah uh you know oh i heard about this i never got to talk to you about it yeah i know we never and uh it was saying the word uh retard hey on this thing i don't say that

sorry the r word well but the point was whatever the backlash was going to come from it was just a preemptive strike because i'm saying the joke but particularly that joke yeah there was plenty of things in there i did a joke where i say tranny that got some shit and they didn't have a problem with that at all it was that because of the flak that had already come back from it and uh and i just thought because of the joke i said but listen the context of the joke is saying that i understand sensitivity to it but i didn't mean you know it's the trigger it's an explanatory joke that that takes the steam off of anybody getting angry at it you went and it's uh and they were still like yeah context means literally nothing yeah because all people are going to hear is blah blah blah

i think the trigger word isn't that crazy though yeah i mean but i have said that isn't a degenerate thing i was like i i think it's bizarre that if if you're like transgender people should be murdered and they're grotesque abominations people go hey transgender though at least that was cool we gave him the term you gave him the right versus i saying like you know i said i've had uh weird things from like women online that have come to me when i said things online like uh you know maybe it's time for abroad to be in the white house might be time for a chick president they go broad chick it's i'm saying you should be the president of the three world i've been also just trying to pick like that's how i talk i try to find like the funniest we

whether it's trivializing or whatever it is just trying to be but it's so weird to be uh slowed down but it slows down your day i feel like the the the thing that like i've come to i don't know i have an opinion on about this is that engaging or entertaining anybody who's like chick really that's the pro like they're not they are if you if you engage it yeah then just don't answer it what the problem is oh and the comedy clubs start coming down yeah from it though they start going like if you could avoid saying chick or broad they don't do that no no no but that could be gets like it starts getting like this club doesn't say this this club is it getting have it has it happened i don't know how far off it would be i mean it can only it depends on the that's owner

owner also some owners buckle hard to the audience and some are like so comic-centric so yeah there's a yeah and the comic-centric ones sometimes go too far but you know they want to be your best friend and also have like a weird like you know they fight for you too hard i was thinking because i posted something today on social media from where my mom's at where i clearly it's a joke and i go you know psychologists will say the best way to motivate children is through fear and anxiety and then i do it with bit and people in the comments are like oh well that's not the right way to do it don't you know but dare program did it work can you i'm a comedian by trade not a not a child psychologist just laying factoids on you yeah fantastic but don't you know that

oh was my was my joke incorrect right dipshit but i think i think part of that too is people it's really just happening on social media because prior to that like what you have to write a letter to the comedy central or whatever and it's really just a way for somebody to steal your light for a second like you've got this funny bit up and then someone can just write something and like take your energy take the energy from what you're doing it's a way of style sucking it's like and a bad sign thunder suck yeah and a bad sign for where it's going the comedy cell or in york and they called me in one time to sit down and talk with me it was it was insane about what jeff ross and natel were doing bumping mics around the corner i was watching

that they told me they were going to probably bring me on and the manager of the club goes they uh you know the booker and the owner want to talk to you i go what all right and i went over and they uh it was a talk to me about a four page letter they received from a 20 year old white girl about how racist i am and they were talking and i'm like it was laughable because you're going guys well i've worked here 14 years yeah you think i slipped through the cracks and that you didn't realize that i was a raging racist and i go well no but like then what what are we doing what are we doing here man are you gonna do this for every you know girl with a ponytail who walks out like stink face because it's insane what made me angry is i know who wrote the letter really because let's get her the night

well i don't know i don't know her by name or anything at all they wouldn't give me that but what it was was when i came off the stage that night great set as far as i remember it's fun you walk through an aisle that's got just lined with booths so you're seeing some people's back some people are facing yeah you kind of be lining through there and figure the most you gotta do is like kind of high five the people that are facing you so a guy that was facing me stood up and he was like you know fan or whatever shook hands and i i try to be nice to that means a lot to me so i'm genuinely like i'm like oh thank you man thank you so much it's so cool and then a girl behind him was turned with her hand extended and so just in the succession i go thank you so much that's so

cool and she goes you're a fucking racist do you know that and i went what but my legs are already walking yeah she was you're a fucking and then pulled her hand away like like gross touch me yeah yeah and i was like well and then i thought i was like oh this is like i'm not gonna make a scene in the club i go i'll let me go outside she's going to say something outside and then we'll make her look like a buffoon and she came out and just you know did the angry pony tail swing walked in to say anything and left and i just no one thought about it again uh charott small was calling me a racist outside hilarious and just kept yelling that over and over again uh yeah just a black guy yelling hey you is racist and uh and it was just like uh went away i thought and then three days later

they called me and did you ever i mean i'm they they dropped it they literally said it by the end of the conversation they were this was dumb to bring you in i don't i think they're just frazzled yeah of course you know it's scary louie came in the front door and then you know there's like protesters yeah were there protesters yeah but it was like two fat ladies from somewhere just like with like homemade signs and then like but it just you know a business gets like wound up over yeah for sure it's scary it's scary to them what if they say our chicken fingers are bad yeah yeah also what's next was your was it one joke or a set huh was it one joke you think that you know i mean from what did you say oh i told me i thought it was great what i think happened

what they said was uh i was talking about a hotel and i said uh a mexican lady has to clean it in the morning that benign and whatever well factual quite honestly um but it wasn't even uh it was that what i think it was because i thought it was just this yeah i thought there was someone's gonna say their anger was about this but i think they just found something beyond what i said i made a joke about a hotel room i said something about uh you know i always said stay stay at trump tower hotel someone said they were staying at trump tower hotels and i go you guys should write uh like jizz messages all over the wall and everything you know like trump you fascist scumbag and the crowd started clapping and i don't do politics and i don't give a shit and i was like i was like

don't fucking clap i'm not leading a charge and i go i voted for trump how about that i go is it still funny what i said just assume i should vote for trump and now tell me if the joke was you know because i didn't vote for trump i don't give a shit about but like uh the point is just being like i think saying that even as a joke makes her just go like well this guy's a monster for even saying it's like i didn't vote for trump but it's like you know i mean like i don't i'm not a trump supporter of any way but i just like i also at the same time like it doesn't infiltrate my comedy at all right so circumstantially saying that one thing i think is what wound her up damn and because me just go i was like don't clap for but it's also fun for someone like her to uh you know

they walk around with these feelings and then to have these feelings and then have somewhere to that something to target because you like if you're like you know she's mad about whatever and then it's like that's where to put my energy that fucking guy who now i know his name and where and like i can write a four four page letters press a lot it's a lot of handwritten things handwritten jeez wow pen to paper wow i don't even teach that anymore quentin tarantino over here writing the whole thing out so crazy and also and also let's say here's here's what kind of but i don't mind if you're sjw if you're whatever but like let's say you were the world's most racist comedian

jay ocherson big joker the most and i thought you could drop for later the world's most racist like okay so what don't you have a and the audience laughs let's say the audience laughs and you do well like okay like why can't everybody just coexist the racists of the world the sjw of the world the woke the not like just because the thing is if someone's a racist like the you don't have to do business wouldn't let them but i'm saying i'm just saying that like what's inside of them like brewing will not function as a comic right 100 percent that's what i mean was almost 100 when tosh went through that thing where they're like rape a power just the bummer is bill cosby fucked this up for everybody because my real belief would be

you think dan tosh or somehow slipped through the cracks as a pro rape person you just never found out to that one day he had to explode on stage like that right like doubtful did you see the wait but what you don't want me to write the thought you just said is so true that the audience senses real hate the audience will not laugh if they sense you have real animosity or real hate in your heart you cannot deliver the joke yeah it's not a joke if it's like uh if they can tell dude they read it but sorry go ahead just to make that point to the audience i was gonna say did you see when they did when all that was happening i think sam maro and tosh both had the should come down then for rape jokes or whatever then they were using the term rape comic which i thought was

interesting oh right law and order svu with jonathan silverman did an episode of like the rape comic i think oh yeah and they did you watch it at all was it uh first of all the cop the cop play it did you play it on svu no to jonathan silverman oh jonathan silverman okay yeah from week in the bernie's was the was the piece of shit uh comic they had him at the comic strip in new york the opening scene is this him doing stand up which i mean quote unquote stand up with the svu cops are in the front row for some reason probably not a good audience for comedy in general because they're all wearing their guns and like pissed in the front row yeah before he even gets on and then he goes on and they have a guy doing jokes like uh hey you know

if you buy her a lobster dinner and she starts saying no you could just take it right rape uh huh and and they're the only four human beings in the world that are going like i the why is everyone cheering and like they're raising the fucking roof of this place and they're going so nuts for these nonsensical no punchline jokes just raper and then the idea is that that night two guys who leave the show are so inspired by his words they rape a girl and then it's like that's the episode is he responsible for that and then they do whittle down to at least at very least no he's not responsible for that is what the court case says however little side where they where they pull from the headlines and then add a little extra yeah the comic is in fact himself also a rapist like then

after that they were like well we got to get him on something like maybe he'll rape one of us if we go undercover and he just did he just tried to yeah awesome oh this is why you make jokes about it because you're i know i've never tweeted out at anything like that ever usually dates or something funny if i can i was just like that was the most irresponsible thing i've ever seen yeah work to that's really the only thing you're putting out there of this kind of story is like yeah he incites rape and is a rapist i mean i said i guess it could be a little cosby wink right you know i think it was before cosby oh really i do yeah i mean not before the obviously overall yeah yeah like what's going on with this guy like before decades of raping you mean yeah his decades of

just nailing it even i thought it wasn't gonna i'm in my eighties in the right you told me and i just wanted to revisit that one of your favorite things is yeah my mom's part for the record eight point five seven seconds really yeah her face when we went through this on the bonfire um what struck me so hard at first that i laughed over and over again was she was doing something at that sink yeah and everything in the world her whole world for that eight point five seven seconds was about that far yeah isn't that neat

and then you the shift of emotion from she was on a genuine exhale of like thank god that's over yeah yeah she goes she was on the exhale like uh and then just seeing you can see damn the uh the smile creep yeah she's so pleased what is that and then it just all crashing down yes yeah i yeah whatever that cost you i don't work this past weekend was the uh the weekend um that i flew her up to foxwoods and foxwoods comedy club restaurant bar and casino hired the car service to pick her up and then had the gave her gambling money she was she thrilled she was happy with it yeah she was just burning through it it was like free money you did a show out there yeah and that yeah that's great i had a long weekend before fart last night remember it was i walked from the

bed to the toilet and it was like a multi-sounding multi-tune yep yep you hate it i mean it wasn't my favorite oh stop it wasn't a nice experience oh stop it i've been my girlfriend for a while now like seven eight years and uh yeah still you haven't farted oh no we have but like i don't like it either you don't like it we'd had it we'd had a nice oh hold on guys i'm sorry but do you fart in front of her yeah make her smell those rips i'll tell you what yes i had it got to a point i'd say maybe a year ago it got to a point where just casually and freely i would and then she also said to her she was like yeah it's like a lot when you do it i don't by the way i'm not like a very like fart all day and fart loud person i really don't but just circumstantially i have in front

of her about and she showed the slightest disinterest in order you know having a problem with that and i try now to not at all well that's really nice because i doesn't happen in our house i didn't fart yesterday yeah you fart every day you're always shitting or farting i mean everybody shits yeah look you should all she's gonna have to yeah there's shit sounds we live in a new york apartment what happens yeah do you live uh in the city yeah it's so funny too because our the size of our apartment is kind of where everything's set up you know we watch tv together at night like the only time we can kind of sit there and just relax every time she gets up to discreetly just go to the bathroom it's you know i she just wants to go and like go real quick and kind of

come back but i don't want to explain what's happening on tv right so i hit pause and then grab my phone and then just inevitably from this year really like so you hear it anyway you hear he's here a sweet girl's voice going turn the fucking tv on back on don't pause it i know what's happening yeah it's good stuff i love it um this is the other thing i wanted to talk to you about so we discovered this um gosh i think it was i don't know it's over a year ago now and then when we played it people mentioned they're like oh jay and dan was this good morning julia yeah yeah um yeah yes the people have tweeted us there was cross over that i mean this guy is i mean i so who you you interviewed someone related to was it julia julia we found julia we found julia

it's great and um that was quite the experience because first we were probably like you guys obsessed with it right yeah obsessed obsessed and then we found mortified mortified and then she sent us other videos that he had sent her really yeah so he kept going yeah he sent a few i really love a guy that just gives his value in in home fixer up like handyman stuff yeah great he's like i built this shit from top to bottom crown molding the chair rail the windows but also he started a whole new lane of videos on your mom's house which is the cool guy lane guys they're oblivious to how creepy they are yes making disgusting requests but i mean just for julia don't know joe just wanted to say hi hi wish you a great day tell you that meeting you yesterday

and getting a look at you was probably one of the greatest moments of my life you were so beautiful you don't know how beautiful you are to me everything inside it's a more are we right that it's uh it was a gym bar uh like a gym jeers bar well it was out so there was all these theories people talking about here's what happened there was even like online blogs about it like and when we actually got to talk to her like what actually happened when she said what actually happened was when you go to her gym you sign in so like i guess a name had been been seen and that she she actually was done and she was in the parking lot and he must have seen the name and he was like hey julia and she was like yeah

and she goes oh like do i know this guy so she was like what's up and he's like hey just started talking to her and was like asked her out and she's like oh no like i'm not you know interested whatever she was like really nice about it and he's like well like uh can i call you sometime and she's like uh yeah why don't you give me your number so he took her phone puts his number in and calls himself so now he has the number and so that's that's why he was able to send her videos is because he dialed his own number from her phone was she afraid uh i think she just thought he was just like she's more of a loser than afraid of oblivious i mean let's say we could also just go this guy she's oblivious and doesn't get it i think she was

at what in her initial uh that the parking lot conversation she was just like she was not afraid because then she would egg him on remember well no that's that's later on that's way later on you're jumping ahead oh sorry i forgot the steps to the story yeah she she she initially was just like not not a worry this is just a guy trying to you know get a number get a date blows him off or whatever gets this has forgotten gets this and is like holy shit is embarrassed that she even has this doesn't tell anybody then goes out with her girlfriends they all party she's like you want to see some shit and shows them that and they are just like fucking falling out right and they're like give me that video so then they start circulating it gets on the internet

and then much later like one of her friends is like hey let's reach out to that fucking toolbox sent you and and try to get him to send you more videos and he sent one well so he got there was the follow-up yeah it's a really to me in your arms okay open up to me let me show you my value as a man so this is the type of guy i can fix any grout work you got problems with i'm pretty good with a caulk gun garden is usually for fruits but i mean you know right i'm handy yeah it's so my penis is thick but average length and the grossest part is like getting just to look at you yesterday oh he's so beautiful you saw i hope you know that i'm so insecure that i need like i gotta be pretty

sure a girl is going like i'd like you it was funny when someone's hitting on you and you're insecure and and she gives you insecure reasons still while she's hitting on you she goes you know what like she was i think you're really cute we should hang out sometime i was like dang she goes but she goes but you know like john goodman is like my dream guy for some reason you're like all right yeah yeah yeah no i've heard that exact line yeah okay like i like bigger so and then when we went home i went home that night sleep on the couch oh please stop this one makes my stomach hurt disappointed you got me wrapped around your finger cute months later that's all you get i'm exhausted

yeah play again i love the way i love that i could see how you feel yeah did he ever ask her if she wanted dick pics no i don't think so i think he was courting her we don't have the truck one his next his truck one he's like good morning my flower uh let me keep looking for it this one's so gross see i'm half asleep on the couch you disappointed you got me wrapped around your finger cute but that's all you get i'm exhausted oh so i laid all this pergo so this is the one she's elicited yeah she asked for this one yeah she was like haven't heard from you a while like disappointed and that's why he's like oh you're

disappointed you got me wrapped around your finger you know you think his aggressive nature i bet he's fucked out of his weight class several times yeah yeah like out of his league like for sure because like sometimes you just go for it i think some women are like this guy must he must have something going on he's right and then the next morning that's when they're like yeah this is like in you know he's like i made you some orange juice and then they're like oh shit yeah fresh squeezed yeah i made the bowls in a pottery class yeah and they're like this guy's probably ready for a zombie apocalypse didn't dr drew say that that he could switch and become angry and stalkerish very quickly yeah what did he call it i mean stalker behavior stalker yeah i mean he's stalkerish in his courting

process yeah exactly so what's it getting the no yeah forgetting to know where and have a reason to believe that he needs to be with her yeah it's parking lot hook that also too like that put your number in someone's phone be like oh my god you'll hit me up yeah um so it's always been a dream to have you see some of our most famous videos yeah um just to get you know because you're like i said i just wanted to show you some of our please you're kind of store of good things here's some cool guys we found are you a cum slut are you a little cum poor are you a cum sissy do you love watching yourself jizz i just hope can i say that uh that with that last video i don't remember what she said because my insecurity made her just look at that falling back tooth because i have one

too and all i do is think about that i'm like can you fix this i guess not um this is a cool guy who really like um having their pussies like oh god i love guys i hate the ones that really want to lick pussies you know what i love about this is that pretty much every guy has the thought like hey i'd love someone put their pussy in my face or two but like 99 whatever percent just go like i mean i probably shouldn't put that video out there though you know yeah i'm asking for pussy on her face like i should probably just keep those thoughts in my head it's this this guy it's it's the Hail Mary of the fat man though is letting me eat pussy goes i'm gonna disappoint you with my dick right what you're gonna have to see above my dick is gonna borderline make you want to run

away but if you don't mind staring at my freakishly square head i'll leave your pussy you're right it's kind of the way fat women can always wear shoes nice shoes i think you're gonna say suck dick good no no but it's the way that it's because shoes will never disappoint like he can wear a night you can be like what do you think of this with his tongue you're right because his dick could be tiny no listen it's not going up right now it's going to be disappointed yeah it's this fact it's really bad where's yours you know what i know you're not gonna believe me this guy fucks like a stallion i mean he never gives up this thighs for days i guess carrying around that you're right wait you're right you've just completely opened up my this will blow your mind you're right this guy's

a bad lay doesn't have an eight and a half inch cock i promise no no no yeah i didn't know that i didn't put this together that's all i really want you know god um to be truthful that's all i keep asking god for god is it honest to god just want to look pussy that's that's where my heart said you should we add him to hand the god i just want to eat some pussy yeah you know what's really neat though is the camera angles very flatter that's a good heavier gent lord as my witness i'd like to eat some pussy yeah what is that is he wearing one of those old western at like six flags pictures this is me with a musket i really want to have that let me know because i'm seriously interested in doing that like a lot okay i wonder too it's like sometimes you know they tell you hey whatever

you put out there someone's gonna respond i wonder if like if anyone actually like would see this and be like yeah i like that guy yeah like women with no arms some people on tiktok i follow or like a chick a chick that like uh has like you know her house just smells of animal yeah we were just talking about this before you got here dude we knew somebody who works here yeah said that he went on a date and he was like he was like damn it was he was the first time at this girl's play he's like what the fuck is that and then she was like i've been meaning to clean this and then he looked and it was just a whole strip of dog shit in her living room on a date yeah yeah and then she's like i've been meaning to clean it up and it's like but who first of all who's just like my

you know my dog has to shit i usually kind of direct them to the that part of the house yeah and then and then i know you're coming over yeah and i'm like i like because i'm sorry guys i forgot to pick up this shit he goes i got lost shaving my toes upstairs just all things you don't want to hear yeah you're like man all right so i think i'm getting a little bit of strep in the throat but when your dog shits and when our dog shits in the house i can't pick that up fast enough like the thought of leaving it there force you're an adult making decent decisions yeah this guy hasn't made decent decisions i mean from like drive through orders to wall accoutrement nothing makes it that looks like the house of a serial killer but you're right that is a type of personality

where their house smells like animal smell yeah you sit in the house and you come up and your shirt's covered in like white hairs or sorry that's puddles he sheds this time of year there you can be a hundred percent type of animal lover that doesn't have an house to smell yeah we are you know yeah like you you have to have some self love and care but like because the idea that you're like well i like animals that's why this place smells like a fucking zoo that's not true you have been a monster who has just given up and they always for some reason their couch is made of lint brush like some microfiber that it pulls all the animals hair off so you're sitting in like you're the move balls of hair oh it's ridiculous man oh that's a whole new one oh god this guy's

yes i'm looking for a white lady that's tattooed and dominant and be willing to put me in a dress and beat the shit out of me sure you got it tell me i'm the sissy of fremont street and fremont sissy gemini again you stupid white bitch that's what i'm looking for is a stupid tattooed white bitch that put me in a dress and beat the shit out of me call me call me i've always been if there's just four there's four people in the world though that respond positive to this if they happen to catch it they're gonna be like this guy's awesome this guy's cleaning because stupid white bitch is what is that me it's kind of i've always been speaking to me that this guy went from um i'm obviously trying to be submissive to switches to being like you dumb like he's

asking you to be dominant and then he becomes dominant you know i'm looking for a lady to beat the shit me it's stupid white he's antagonizing the dog right i don't think you're supposed to do that he's acting really showing his range yeah now i'll be dominant guy but tom interesting point you brought up on the last video is that we've all had thoughts these all humans sexual humans have these thoughts but what's the mechanism that pulls that you know what i mean the pin because i got it i gotta put the video on real quick yeah um what is the switch that flips to action this you know what i'm saying look what makes you take action you must feel like i i actually think is people thinking i gotta put this like putting it out there is what's gonna this message

everything else has eluded me yeah because i didn't realize this was the answer it's the message out there yeah these people are always looking for another route and reason why this my life hasn't worked out this exactly this i keep going the bingo on tuesday videos out there yeah top golf that's where you do it bowling alley bar it's also like the the guy in the weird town who like this year found out about youtube and he's like what you you can control your own and there's millions of people out there that watch these i should put these out there remember when nickie glazer was on the show and she was like how are these people uploading the videos to well like i don't even know how i don't know if you can pull up robert's channel robert paul's i'm impressed with people

who like just they're at such a level of not give a shit like he didn't even get together for the it's like well let me do this in my way from like taking his shit to putting on my breakfast shirt and and he puts it because i'm always like he would meet a woman on a date have with like a knee brace showing do you know what i mean like he just doesn't give a shit doesn't give something it's like the ugliest shoes some kind of weird like fucking spotted up legs and just like this is what it is this is yeah it's it's not a good thing okay this is my favorite thing so robert you guys uh the try it out guy is on youtube now and the uh video titles are just code so he's exactly who you're talking and nickie was talking about so like his latest video is called 58726458 space

1f48 season and they're all just fucking code like a lunatic somebody help uh will you play video there's no descriptions i mean this is how he's hi and welcome to lucifer's hot corner here i am for you there lucifer's hot corner that's right you know live at paul champagne i'm here don't mind the hair well you know you gotta look good when you go on stage okay so so what's going on out there people people what's going on uh hello josh christina and tom and mr clavicles and everybody else from your mom's house what's going on and i should say i feel good well don't feel good we're not today but then again there's a chance to go out and do something in house something constructive yeah all the heat these pitchy people you're this you're that you're that

you're this because i don't know maybe they just get no attention and i don't have time for that people kind of have a life to live that's right like how long is this video what okay it's 10 10 minutes too hot black or latino guy he's still doing the plug right wait press play i gotta hear the message or you want him you can move in i will give you a lease and a key and oh you're just gonna help me straighten a little bit up and i got your ice room in the air i have food in the house and everything else and this comes in my heart as well as a sex part that that will work out fine but you gotta be a superstar and because i have a lot of needs baby and i gotta make sure that that you to have these needs and we're compatible okay i could take a black or latin

guy in or i could take one of each hey take three your process possibly i'm gonna take two or two guys in and you'll get a lease and a key or you can leave them on five months totally free jesus christ the number is nine one seven three five okay all right we're good so he's dressed like a wrestler or a keen yeah that is uh that's a quite an eccentric uh shirt or whatever that guy goes for though but that guy is doing like he thinks he's looking but he also the difference between that and this right he thinks he's looking his best right there in his mind like he's trying picked it out i'm talking when when some guy at the point of like you're right he's just throwing a hail mary goes ah look i'll be mean or you could be mean to me i just need a vagina in the room yes

get here i'll give you cash i guess he actually put on jewelry yeah yeah it's thought out like this the person doesn't give a fuck this is high he won't look worse when you see him yeah no nice gonna look better yeah yeah you'll be okay when you aren't coming not as terrible i'll put on pants yeah yeah in town oh we said we got the haters back again people the haters are back now they're claiming tom and christine and mystic oh laugh they got me sorry i get along with josh i get along with tom because there's no problem with no you're just mad because you are sitting there in a background and no one knows who you are that's right robert paul you tell just want to be clear about something robert i love you i support you and one day a black and or latino guy

they are gonna move in and they're gonna live rent free with with free food and they're gonna fuck you a lot yeah until you ultimately kill them and keep them change their outfits every day i agree look we've been putting the call out for robert paul champagne for two years now this is exactly what we were just talking about about like just put the message out there now i would i would i would give you one bit of advice robert i would maybe start titling these and not i think you'll have a higher success rate yeah i mean i love 77cf 1476538 ekb one but maybe you do like it's tuesday and i'm feeling saucy yeah right you know he really caught his rhythm around 75h oh my god this is my favorite fucking new thing that he put out

just it's just a little clip attention man coach comes up is here attention man coach comes up is here he's got Danny trejo character or something he's got so many characters so many like was that potter getting the nod the last one that was yeah i really potter why isn't he on instagram anymore did we find out do we know about this what the because he got the new phone he can't figure out how to access his old account unfortunately really yeah i'm trying dude i'm trying to get him i mean but his didn't his account his instagram account looked like it was shut down or suspended or something yeah i don't i it was and i don't think he knows how to like go through the steps of getting it back on track again so he made a new

one he doesn't know how to go live he was putting his dick on the stories a lot yeah we were almost involved in a double vehicular homicide that you guys were oh yeah what do you mean in buffalo he was like i'll give you guys a ride back oh no i've had the ride from josh at night time yeah in a car that was i can only describe as like a battle tank around him i think it was like a monty carler or something but it was big and uh we were going and he was talking it was me and mike fenoy in the car and there was two black women that were getting into the driver's side of a car you know parked on the street so they're in the street and we are as over in the right lane as you could possibly be and nobody wants to insult josh and say maybe those crazy glasses are

for a reason nobody wants to insult so we're just like everyone's kind of keeping quiet even the black ladies in the street weren't making that big of a deal assuming like something's gonna change from this imminent course we seem to be on yeah and then way late in the game was like hey josh josh and then it was like a real extreme i mean these black women almost like luke duked over the front of the car and he's like whoa didn't see him yeah he said it was a kept going calm was i mean yeah wow even i had a no range in heart rate at all whatsoever no no he i never saw any of it he didn't see it at all we have the burden of sight yeah he uh he gave me a ride home in in the winter yeah it was also winter we had i think we'd been drinking he's like i'm good

we'd also been drinking yeah i'm leaving out pretty important thing yeah and then it's like halfway home i was like i have a wife i want to have kids a few years ago everything's going good right now i don't want to go away i don't want to lose what i got and josh is like you're just chill the fuck out bro smoking jesus um this is by the way though this guy's right i'm going to show you on this one right here is one of my this one of my you didn't play okay i've been on here i've been polite i've been kind of well it's important that you you i like that he starts by saying hey hey i've been polite honest and sincere now i'd like to have some right on my lips i would like to have

some titties around my face i would like to have some sex gross gross gross i like to have a woman in my home okay i can make a love to you not like one of these young men or these little boys they get themselves off and then oops they don't care about their partner oh i'll make you why does his nose break right now last lady 10 15 times 10 before i even went boom once there you go his left nostril is definitely a quarter inch higher than his right nostril you're right yeah his whole nose is a fucked up thing troubling all that pussy that's sat on his face yeah yeah some of that pussy my nose wasn't able to support some of them we used to 69 no more that come across the bridge with them butt cheeks i got a soft nose oh man um i don't know those glasses

alone looks like he just came from a gun range it does they look like gun range glasses i said you my version of this remember i did i didn't like it yeah nookie nookie some titties i've been polite i've been sincere i've played your games society yeah now it's time to live outside the yes i will murder three hookers and then proceed off the grid uh is this one i don't know i just breathe my name is john why you shipment i'm looking for girls for pussy i love to eat pussy again i probably not a good dick what happened was to be said for the whole the phone up here man no these guys are going all bullfrog face yeah it's not a good that's rule number one guys you're looking for some action you live in Missouri no one's looking for fat guys they

deal with fat guys call me at one five seven or text me at one six three his text is different than his phone number yeah well you can call the home line i think but if you're texting you don't use up all my weight so do you think he's trying to talk sexy is that what no no that's an upper respiratory problem because what happens is the weight is pushing down on his throat and his chest and so it's affecting his voice it's a condition called meat neck yeah it's definitely not sexy voice there's no not talking like this something's coming up or going down i can't keep mother fucker of course a sex winged time machine out of beef jerky okay i'm done okay i want a girl who can roll a block with her pussy okay text me at one six i'm looking for a sideshow performer oh my god

these are so great i haven't seen these in so long i know i'm so i want a girl who can kill a bull with her hands he's slightly walleye too is he not he's got the biggie smalls kind of do you remember this he looks like uh like something in star wars it's like one of the not doing things at an organization yeah we gotta find the one spot where admiral question it's a captain captain that thing yeah captain yeah it's like one of the planets they never really go to but he's there for the big group meeting yeah he definitely is guy what he's upset that they stopped having mom and pop videotape stores vhs rental mom and pop places yeah here's a guy who's unlimited porn that they bring it all home as long as i bring a buck next time

this guy really you would be required to make daddy come is that understood and it would be done in a way that you want to do either with your body or a friend of yours that's a girl that you can sell a picture and say daddy stroke to her yeah i hate it this reminds me of me and my girlfriend have a we've gone on a site what was it called omegle do you ever hear of omegle it's like an like an adult's section of omegle there's one where it's like just it's like chat roulette okay yeah whatever that used to be yeah and uh and you can go on this one you can even like disarm your camera because never we're not doing it for anything sexual it's purely if you go in the adults it is 100 percent

it just goes guys just be and there's a sweep of guys like beat all the and then they see it's like this couple like laughing at them they're like so you can do it for 20 minutes just seeing guys like and they're weird yeah they're already in full flux of beating off and then go yeah like we're the ass yeah yeah sure real nice real nice ruin my trying to jerk off for strangers a piece of shit you guys get your giggles like this we did that one time with uh chat roulette where what happened was we laid in bed and i would hold the phone to her so guys would be like just jerking and then i would go like like that yeah get all pissed off so great yeah that's a good time yeah there was videos they have that i've got it looks like it's uh like a pussy or something

they're filming these pull back and it's like their armpit yeah that's a fun one there's one last guy i want to show you because i used to be not bummed out no because i want jay to show me does jay enjoy this i've enjoyed these so far right yeah i'm gonna roll today because women are fucking stupid okay they're fucking stupid okay i don't understand why it's so difficult for good guys to meet a fucking sane woman i don't understand why everyone was a fucking stupid yeah i mean good camera that guy looks like he has uh like they had to put on s and l make up during a short commercial break right and they're like it's gonna have to do for the sketch all right like people will get it we've got Geico caveman started getting terrible i don't like your

society i just don't you understand we are in the situation we are in because woman ate the apple it is woman's fucking fault give me back my fucking rib and go back to her the fuck you came from wow yeah this guy's definitely he owns bone tools yeah not not tools for bones right tools made of bone you want to fucking crowd a good nigger but meanwhile you got garbage in your back i don't even know if this guy's the race that can say that here with this shit bro i'm on a roll stay and the dolls in the background what's with the dolls everybody has their thing that guy's nose stays broken yeah yeah that's a fucking no it's like a character i know like it looks like movie makeup it does it doesn't look like a real guy at all but the emotions are real

and that's what counts it was easy to pee all that off and maybe it's like ariana grande under like crazy amount of makeup like she'd be surprised like undercover boss and someone yeah boss everybody i know you're a fan dude what you guys have done i want to tell you uh with legion of skanks is amazing oh thank you man like it's a crazy following and you guys put on like festivals now it's like yeah yeah skank fest is a big thing we're doing it in new york now yeah it's gone i mean the first year we had like 400 some people and like a small venue that just we did two days of programming and they came and enjoyed and now we're up to like from all over the country like 1500 people and we and we we keep us like we could do more at this point but we keep it that's

because it is like an intense sort of the thing you never leave a building it's like a ballroom and then a rock club and it's all in this one building that's very cool and it's a pretty amazing yeah i saw the uh that'd be cool i saw the clip of you uh from i think from the one this year where you guys had louis come out yeah and like the ovation was insane is it crazy i perverted like those stories and i said i i talked about this a lot i think like having the burden perspective it bums me out more than being there for that and i would have went outside and smoked a cigarette it was funny soter it was like dan soter was like hey he's like let's go watch Louis go on i think he's gonna go on next let's go watch like the ovate i was like oh yeah sure and

we went up and watching it was such a goosebumps moment yeah and the you know the the venues turned on us since and said that they were afraid to stop that because they were thought violence from the or whatever nonsense that would have never had none it would not have happened because to get him off stage it would have been going to somebody in the back you know christine my girlfriend was one of the producers or louis whatever it isn't just saying like you know i would be arguing about giving him the light does it make sense it wouldn't be a shutdown of the power thing and no one was upset anyway the staff there was thrilled about it and it's such a cool moment in comedy and i hate that if you if you live with the perspective that like

louis like an incurable unapologetic piece of shit you know if you're gonna throw like extremes in him either rape whatever it is you think he did that's so terrible it looks like it's a room of people like you know the people have met that narrative like so good you guys are cheering for a rapist and it's like he's not a rapist one and they're cheering for like this comic they didn't know was gonna be here it's a big deal they haven't seen him in a while it's like a positive moment yeah it's like nothing about it was people going yeah this guy made women uncomfortable but like no one's cheering for it's not that about there was a comedy thing and like i hate that that if you if that's what you want to believe like that's a moment that scares you yeah look at everyone

just loves him still and everyone doesn't care about women it's just so not about i know it's not that it was it was an amazing moment there yeah it looked like it i don't know though but honestly like because it's a i go back and forth on louis i can't i can't make up my mind sure like i'm so fine and like you know i just i don't know where i stand and then and then if you'd pop up at the comedy store how would i feel seeing him after all this shit has happened i don't know how do you think you would feel i don't know is what i'm saying yeah now i think you'd be fine very quickly you know i mean i think he's one willing to discuss it if you weren't discussed that bad i think he doesn't make he does he makes apology and i think he

genuinely is like yeah man i didn't know i didn't know how much i was fucking up apparently i was fucking up and he i think he's like uh made as a men's he could i understand also just being like yeah but in my world i check out on that guy yeah i think it's fine yeah i just think like no i don't think anyone that support again it goes like that kind of sycophantic thing that you worry about when we said people going like you gotta go dirtier and darker it's like people that get sycophantic like yeah fuck the haters and just like just let the guy do i got a message look he's still talented no hands down one of my still favorite comics but i don't know if i want to i don't know if i want to work with him if you're at the store i don't fucking know that's

fair go ahead no no i was that i got more what you were saying i got a message from somebody who was like oh man i was at the show uh you know it was good time but i was i was really hoping you were gonna uh piss more people off you know like what he was like you know that's why i come to your shows like not even noticing that would be a bad show for you you'd be like right if you got the person to some degree or made them look stupid there's still something like yeah like i think there was somebody in the audience yeah like that was pissed no i'm not i'm never trying to piss off an audience never i'm i'm hoping that you're having fun with what i'm doing that's the goal boy i have a i said it's a bird yes they do and i was thinking

the bummer of that people getting angry at your comedy is that like i have such a boyish innocence to the act of stand-up comedy you know the things are obviously not child like just when i go up there i go man i really hope everyone likes me right i hope when this is over everyone's like that was so funny and fun i don't care if they come and go i really thought about some shit but i don't care about anything i just like man that made my good you know you guys this is a very popular show the thanks people give you from just entertaining them while they do their mundane thing is crazy or even it's an important thing but they have to drive three hours a day or two it how much it means to them is such a cool thing yeah well yeah because there's shows

that i listen to that get me like you know i'm a huge stern fan yeah Howard Stern yeah sick every every minute every minute of every week i through the through the course of a week i listen to every minute of Howard Stern and then all the stern thoughts and stuff me too is what i fly with and it's everything it's a background on my i see the background music of my life so i get that the fact that we are that to somebody else yeah exactly it's pretty that hits me in a way the other one that gets me is um you know like you'll scroll through messages and you know a lot of times it's like it's fine it's nice and you're like cool you know someone's like i saw the thing i laughed at this but sometimes people are like i've been going through a really bad period

and what you you know your comedy or something was the light of my month those still those get to me every time yeah absolutely people yeah i've had all kinds you know when they're like i'm depressed and then the one thing maybe want to kill myself and then i'm ready to die i'm ready to die i've had real serious words like i get dialysis every day oh they've given me seven months and still i like you're like yeah i know and it's like is there anything i can do like you could fly out to illinois and now i'll just do the show for you man that show's gonna rage on for you after that candle burns out no i know there'll be like uh can you come meet me i'm like no no no i'm not gonna like i'll go if you go to the stage door yeah and i happen to pull up

yeah i'll put my arm out yeah five years i'll i'm fine with waving if you want to wave i'll give you a wave you know not a personality champ waves are nice definitely not a personality champion uh man oh and i'm i'm sorry to hear about david oh yeah man what's really what a crazy thing that even knows someone that happened to i can't believe it it's one i mean i've never i didn't know him or anything but the whole story is is like beyond comprehension so do you guys have like do you guys had living nannies ever something like that ever no no but we've had what mean you know we've been having you know we've had two kids and we're very busy and so we've had people spend a lot of time you know like sometimes overnight on uncertain occasions and um yeah

no i the whole story is the all but being like an all pair which i found that the difference of that in the nanny recently yeah it's still a company it's like everything where you're like it should so be on the up and up with everything you know and just like just a wacky boyfriend this is like your this is your manager my manager yeah yeah for eight years man it was a bummer for sure but like just intense such an intense thing for me it was like uh to be frazzled like just how fragile it all is yeah like i said it's one of those that really hits you it hits you i think giggling with a guy with you three hours before and then you know him three hours before yeah i said you know it was interestingly uh i thought was we it's probably come stoned out here

non-stop in la yeah but they they just released the uh footage of him of the the guy who did it who killed dav uh going to court for i guess uh his indictment or whatever or his arraignment and he goes in and it's he's just wearing like you know dress clothes and he's like hairs and i just to think you were involved in such a a psychotic event yeah the murdering two people yeah and then at some point that morning he had to be like looking at me or like you know like like tucking a shirt in yeah like now it's like this you know it's like yeah it's like the fact that anything normal how you know picking up a fork to eat a whatever you know it's just such a crazy like for people that don't know like a listening yeah

it's like you know you're manager and one of the owners of the stand right yeah he's one of the owners of the stand uh comedy club in new jersey he went home uh a couple weeks ago one night his live in all pairs family wife and kids thank god down the shore and uh he went home from the comedy club that night he was going to meet his family down the shore the next day went home went to sleep and then the nanny's boyfriend she broke up with him he wanted to kill her she had given him a key no one knew about and then he went inside and like yeah the bummer of it all is like i remember someone saying that you know i i say this half in jest but like it's the truth i remember everyone's first question like was he fucking the nanny right and i go i hope so yeah i mean that'd

be my i was like please tell me there's some crazy reason why and because it wasn't it was just like while he was sleeping like let's give me get this out of the way so he doesn't stop me from doing what i want to do which is fucking great it's like oh man not even a reason it does yes i mean i think i'm not even not and he didn't in the in the guy in his confession didn't even say like i think there was something up he said like needed that to get handled so i can so i can not be bothered while i uh while i kill my girlfriend and they she's just broken up with him yeah yeah i know the crazy thing for you know for you it's a friend it's an intimate crazy relationship like that like when i hear it beside it being like a crazy violent thing that

you know you don't want to hear about yeah you start thinking about because we have fit kids and you know the people and you're just like it's like a nightmare man how it's funny my daughter is almost 17 now right we have young kids so yes sometimes but uh and then when uh when she was younger though just me and my ex-wife just were good at like our schedules just worked that we never hung out with each other it's probably why we're not together anymore yeah but like we were good at like it was parent all the time in some way of the swap but when you can't do that man it's like people have to have you know baby and she has a my daughter has a sister her mom had another baby who's four years old and like you know if it wasn't for my the good news

is my daughter's 17 there so she can kind of babysit for thing you know so you don't have to bring a lot of strangers in it's gotta be like yeah i mean well if they've been all pair process of paperwork and all that stuff isn't keep you safe somehow like well it's a freak situation obviously but you don't want to say it's something that i mean it's it's unlikely and that guy just fully confessed he's like oh yeah i think from what i read in the paper like when he did and then pleaded not guilty which is it's always good okay well that's also an abusive boyfriend sitch i have a friend in high school her sister got beaten to death by her boyfriend in the bathroom like it's not i don't know if it's having an affair and your family really ran into her at the mall and she's

like my sister just got beaten to death by her boyfriend and we're like i think we're desensitized cpk right now can can take action on it say it again like i'm desensitized like i said you think we're desensitized of violence as far as like being able to act on it because like i'm desensitized short to whether it be pornography violence from the images you see even like i have a hard time like i can't i will turn away now if like the when the beginning when the beheading videos came out oh yeah had to kind of look yeah yeah and then can't watch it only takes like one uh seeing what how real it is do you go yeah i shouldn't have watched that right so i don't like gore it's so fucking yeah i also feel like those story like usually you read a story like like the story

we're just talking about it's somebody you have you know there's no connection what you read it like it's news the closer it gets to like you now you know somebody that knows somebody then those start to affect you more and it's funny too about uh how jail always has always seemed to my life a lifetime in jail has always seemed like a fair punishment for not a fair punishment like a just punishment like put this guy in a box for it but when it is close to home it's funny to start to think about like uh if this guy ever just giggles at a thought in his head or over here is a tv episode of mash playing on black and white tv in the common area like it's too much right oh man i don't want this guy to have any he will he will experience your mind will adapt and

he will experience joy again at some point which is odd yeah that's funny so it's odd how much that hits when normally if somebody if i had no attachment to a person go like my my friend's sister was just murdered in a situation like i was like i could the guy rotten a box the rest of his life right now he might play chess yeah i don't want this guy to learn the guitar this guy's gonna get a degree while he's locked up yeah i know i also have zero i think i have zero forgiveness for something that but in fact i think i could accept forgiveness with still like just punishment like equal punishment yeah i'm not the family but like putting myself in the shoes of that if 20 years down the road this guy's done a real turnaround and just realize how crazy it was and

how he can't believe he has a hard time living with what he did i go that's fantastic i believe you and still like i would only be asked to get into the room to accept that apology to try to get at him yeah even if i believe i go yeah i believe your apology but like i but you should die yeah like you should have to die no stakes really light people up anymore you know i know new york doesn't you and it's jerry this is jersey and jersey doesn't either i mean texas aren't they still do it yeah they're still toasting people figured it out we'll do it right in the jury that's the last pace you want to fuck around in this country with a crime like a violent crime texas gets you you're done i mean you are done forget a violent crime yeah smaller crimes yeah i have

a buddy who had like less than a person's worth of mushrooms for one dose and it's like these five years probation well just like you know yeah the end of the world but i mean that what he had to go through to just get that yeah fucked up is nuts you should be able to give the lethal injection yourself if somebody murders your family there's a petition for that it's on uh change.org if you want to sign then you feel like that would make me feel better if i wouldn't know i think i think it sort of wouldn't yeah anything where you've seen like that where i've watched a bunch of documentaries about that before any of this happened just on the id because i i get that too it's a good thing you should want to see them dead they always go it

doesn't make anything better it's just like yeah it's like you start thinking then about like well even this guy's a piece of shit his mom is sad still that's true i had an initial uh reaction to that i thought was weird and then i changed in like under a minute just this range of emotions i went from finding out that his mom was helping him try to get out of the country uh after he did the day of the day if you try to get him out of the country and i go well that piece of shit should be brought up on charges and everything i go ah you know what man my mom would probably 100 i think if i called and i was like i mean i'm sure he didn't call on goes like i did it i murdered them i'm sure he was like i fucked up i'm in trouble i fucked up like i just did something

and she was like i think my mom my mom might have like second thoughts as i was gone but her immediate thing would be like protect my baby of course 100 get the fuck out of here i just fully get it because you're like well nobody i don't want to lose my kid it's like there's already so much loss here so where do you go where would you escape to he was heading to mexico yeah that's the place what does she have ties there maybe i think yeah they're they're all in spain i think they are i'm not gonna tell you guys where on the podcast in case damn you're really planning better believe it it's definitely not going to be Juarez mexico we're at down a small plot of land for some very low pesos yeah deep europe deep eastern europe

somewhere oh yeah no one's going there see here mexico's so accessible i know you go to like ukraine or something there's like later i got some relatives yeah get you out yeah can you just run over the border to mexico i know no one doesn't you can you can walk you can just go right you can walk there's a bridge and you don't have to go through like a gate of like a person walk you audio semi go no it's literally it's a it's a yes it is a gate in tijuana like you just go from san diego you just walk across the bridge now you're welcome to mexico now coming back in that's a different story that's when they stop you oh yeah they'll let anybody you don't have to show a passport to get into mexico no later maybe they do now i didn't i used to just go right in

they don't give a shit going in like you sure you want to come in here man yeah all right come on in i've never been to mexico yeah i always just believe the guerrilla warfare violence in the streets they say it's always going on i mean it is but it's still it's an it's a massive country and there's a lot of places where it's not going on oh i'm sure but just when they go oh any of those i've been asked you know my my ex-wife is columbian and argentinian so my daughter's been going with her to those places for the longest time and i've just never i just picture it's exactly like a you know an early 2000 schwarzenegger movie yeah jungles yeah and and people who are wearing army uniforms that aren't an international army oh yeah uh like taking you somewhere against your will

yeah is she from columbia no she's from but her mom her mom still lives there part collie really no she's uh santa marta which is like nice oh that's fine but any country where someone goes like oh they go you'll be fine like if you were and they go if you were like a well from like a wealthy family in in columbia like maybe or if they you were a celebrity's kid coming out they knew that and i go yeah but maybe they just throw anything at the wall like grabbed up the white people and they go you're family rich and i go no and they're just gonna kill me because i'm gonna say something yeah who knows like it could be that like uh i used to because i spent a lot of time in peru and they would just always be like uh don't worry the watch i'm like what they're like

you know it attracts attention like all watches or they're like no that that watch just get a get a shittier watch and then place like brazil where you gotta watch the kids you gotta watch it for the children yeah i'm going for patrice o'neill famously had that he they went off resort to get food and uh some kids asked patrice for money i mean he said like children yeah asked for money and uh he didn't he's like no he goes what he goes he didn't give him money but he bought him all he's like a hot dog stay he bought him all hot dogs and when he said and patrice told the story when he pulled his wallet out and you know gave the cash for the hot dogs the guy who was like their guide ran over to him and he was like let's go let's go let's go we're out of here we're going

back to the resort right now and i was like you can't pull your wallet out like then these kids are gonna tell more kid and they're gonna come back and try to do something oh yeah he goes he's gonna be waiting for and these these like little angel face kids that look like that are coming back with a problem yeah yeah that's true i mean that's why we gotta fucking go down there and bomb these fucking these gypsies yeah it's one good backhand no no you stay in line we'll come visit um j o christian you can see him live are you have any dates coming up are you gonna be yeah i'm in uh hyena's fort worth texas this weekend and i have a bunch of chicago coming up a bunch of fucking big j comedy dot com big j comedy dot com one of the best comedians working today i feel the

same about you man thank you but i you know so i had the chance was we both did such a great job we both really changed shit that day tom almost beat up some uh crew guys that's right yeah i was eight months pregnant i adore almost fell on it's one of my favorite positions to take about talking about comedians is when someone's like uh who's your favorite comics i'm like after me i would like like who would i like who would i like i like me i like some of the stuff i'm doing i've inspired a lot of people the following uh no you really are so fucking wait how long are you in LA for uh doing spots yeah well we're doing god damn comedy jam tonight oh that's fun nice are you gonna what song are you gonna do we're doing two uh 90s rock hits cracker low

and bound to the floor local age i believe you can you sing i bet you can kind of yeah i bet you can kind of sing carry it to it i think yeah now i want to find out if i could hip hop dance oh we're gonna get the challenge going either way man i think we just do it um and then of course lesionist skanks check it out hilarious podcast live shows yeah bonfire on comedy central radio series with you and dan with dan so yeah um i appreciate man thanks it's such a long time coming yeah yeah thanks for coming man absolutely all right we'll see you bye guys thank you and why do i feel like there's a wall in your pants your hand let's know that you know he pulls down the girl pants at a seven inch wall on it and here we are

and you're in a house and i'm not gay i'm not gay find out the guy's name says he do you such other nonsense like it is such other nonsense take it ease such other nonsense take it ease

and this is what I'm doin walkin' down the road in clown makeup and Auga might be behind me Walkin' down the road in clown makeup and Auga might be behind me walkin' down the road in clown makeup and Auga might be behind me

walkin' down the road in clown makeup and Auga might be behind me walkin' down the road in clown makeup and Auga might be behind me walkin' down the road in clown makeup and Auga might be behind me walkin' down the road in clown makeup and Auga might be behind me

walkin' down the road in clown makeup and Auga might be behind me walkin' down the road in clown makeup and Auga might be behind me and this is what I'm doin'