Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 519-Ian Edwards-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: October 2, 2019

"I now pronounce you, high and tight. You may kiss the jeans." Today's episode starts with a very sentimental Mommy wedding. SOO WOO! We have a bit of a "home here now" situation with everyone's favorite REAL Blood. Tom had a very great, surreal weekend and Christina learned new sayings. Plus, have you ever given the Piledriver? There's one woman on 90 Day Fiance who might be looking for your services. Ian Edwards is a stand-up comedian who has a new special out on Comedy Central, "Bill Burr Presents: IanTalk - Ideas Not Worth Spreading." Ian comes from an international background which excites The Master of Accents. Christina's heater becomes a topic of discussion as her an Ian share a love of warmth. Ian also tells some stories about comics like Tony Woods and more. Plus we show Ian some real cool guys and gals, and we get to hear a joke Ian has forgotten, but the Mommies have not.

Siwu. Oh, right. That's the general mood today. General mood. Siwu. It's a good way to start off a day. You kind of Siwu it up and you see who's outside. Don't be a false blood.

And you ask those if they want no break. And then. They want no break. You move on and you take on the day. So. We have a very big controversy about that. We're going to get into it. We're going to get into it big time.

We're going to get into all the details. I also had a absolutely magical weekend that I need to recap. But I'll save that for. All right. Storytime. Storytime. Now. A quick reminder that here on the Your Mom's House YouTube channel, you can watch other

programs that we produce. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler, Dr. Drew After Dark, which you can almost describe as a companion piece in a way to this show because Dr. Drew will watch clips that we play on this show. He has guests that have been on this show. And coming up very shortly, we're actually going to do a whole month, a month and a half of episodes of Dr. Drew After Dark where he has the staff, our staff on his show. So you'll get to sit there and watch Blue Band, Annie, Josh, we'll be back on. So there will be guests on Dr. Drew After Dark where he'll break down not just the clips,

but break down our reaction to the clips where he is often not good with. Right. And also to find out who's the biggest mental case on our staff. Yeah. That's true. I'm going to do two bears, one cave with my good friend, David Burt Kreischer, and he, we just had an episode go up yesterday. We're going to actually try to do it for the whole month of October because October started

today for us. And that's a big thing. So that's always Burt and I just goofing around. The Grand Wizard of Comedy, I think is what he's going to do. I call him the Grand Wizard of Fun, or the Fuhrer of Funny. The Grand Dragon. The Fuhrer of Funny. The Fuhrer of Funny.

And then where my mom's at is Christina's podcast. It's on her YouTube channel. My personal YouTube channel, I have Elia Klein on, I've had Alyssa Milano, I've had Leanne Kreischer now twice, and we talk about all things mom and we get real real. We had Elia Klein admit to hating breastfeeding on this recent episode. I love it. It's almost like different people have differing opinions on things, and women seem to be like not accepting of that in a weird way.

Yeah, there's a lot of taboos in the mom world, and I love to uncover all of them. Because they'll be like, no, you should. Even before we had kids, I remember this, we had a neighbor who was like, no, you want to go all natural for the birth, and I was like, what, I mean, some people want, and she was like, you don't want to do that. She stood in my driveway and lectured me on why I should not have a caesarean, and I should try to do it naturally. Even though my doctors were telling me, I shouldn't try to do it naturally.

Well, you should trust your neighbor over your doctors. Crazy bitch. I'm like, no bitch. Anyway, yeah, this is big for us right now, too. We have a three day sale starting right now. If you go to merchmethod.com slash Tom Segura, you get 20% off anything in the store. Use the promo code gene. That includes the all new two bears merch.

There's a shirt, a hoodie, and a hat. There's also a tour shirt that was from the first half of the take it down tour. So it has the first half of the dates. That has a reduced price and is also on sale. There's posters. There's all kinds of stuff. Go to merchmethod.com slash Tom Segura. Use the promo code gene.

That's J-E-A-N. Okay, thank you for that. We will move on. If you don't mind, get this started. Oh. All right. A lot to cover today. Big time guests.

Big time fun. Oh, my stars. Let's start off this show right. No matter where life leads, I know that as long as you are there, that is where I'm meant to be. I'm your FGTRTD. Don't bring anyone loving to this. Oh, my God.

Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura, Tom Segura, and Christina Pajitz and Christina Pajitz. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is unbelievable. So we've also been getting license plate submissions from Florida now, California. Utah. Yeah.

People are getting the FGTRTD license plate. Which of course stands for for girls that ride till death. Of course. And first good tongue. Replaces that dick. Replaces that dick. Yeah. All right.

Yeah, so far. It's a pretty amazing. But this is another level. It's license plate is amazing. Yeah. This young lady. This is Katie. Oh, you look at Nevada.

Has it on? Yes. This is so amazing. This person here. This is Katie and Carson. Okay. Katie and Carson sent in a clip from their wedding video where during her vows, she announces that she will be through his life, his FGTRTD.

No matter where life leads, I know that as long as you are there, that is where I meant to be. I'm your FGTRTD. How do you laugh at that? Yeah. I mean, here she is. She looks stunning. Yeah.

She's a beautiful, perfect looking couple and this is, anyway, she DMed this to me on the gram and I opened it and I was like, oh my gosh, who is this person? This is so funny. And it's her wedding video. And she says their first dance was to Wheeler Walker Jr. That's hilarious. So thank you, Katie and Carson for sending us this footage. It's pretty great.

Yeah. You guys look amazing. And I hope you have a long, happy marriage with each other's FGTRTDs. It is beautiful. You look beautiful and the vows are just so touching. I just couldn't be happier. Wish you the best. It's really fantastic.

FGTRTD. I'm your FGTRTD. Did you wish we could redo our vows now? Now I do. Yeah. Yeah. Of course I do. You fucking retard.

You fucking retard. Tata. Tata, the retard. Yeah. Yeah. And if you ever leave me, I'll have to say to you. Tata, the retard. There you go.

That's dedication to the mommy cause, though. It really is, man. Yeah. Man. So yeah. So we know we open on one of our favorite bloods. Su-woo. And...

It's been getting a lot of steam in our world, by the way. A lot of people at shows are saying Su-woo. Oh, people are yelling it out. And then right before we rolled, any who is in the booth brought something up. He said, you know, I've been thinking about our Su-woo guy and I'll just let it... What is it that's been on your mind about this? Well, the first time that we watched it, I went home and I felt bad because I didn't get one of the pieces that he said.

He says something like, you niggas don't want no rep. And you're like... And I didn't hear exactly what he said. So you played it again? So I played it again and I tried and I just thought, I don't know, maybe I'm just not as black as I used to be. Well, let's do this. Let's...

Yeah, let's hear it. Wait a minute. Are you bummed about your level of blackness? Is that what you're saying? I just felt like I lost a piece of it listening to the clip and not being able to understand. So I had to hear it again, but now I feel like you're not going to hear it either. Well, let's hear it again and you can point out the part that you're talking about so people can play along.

Okay, let's hear it. Go ahead. The public announcement goes out to all you bitch-ass niggas that motherfuck claim that I'm a false blood bitch, call me out and see if I'm a raw fucking false blood. You niggas don't want no rep, sue you bitch-ass niggas. Okay, so where's the issue? So before the last line, he says you niggas don't want no rep or something like that. Oh, right.

So you're saying, is he saying something like, it sounds like he's saying you don't want no rep or it could be work no rep. So in reading his lips, it looks like work and then rep, but I can't imagine what that would be. Let's... Can we hear it again now? You big words don't want... False blood.

You niggas don't work no rep. I see work. Yeah, his lips. You niggas don't work no rep. Work, work. See, I kind of feel like maybe it's like you're picking up work, but sometimes the words kind of blend together. I still think he says you don't want none of this, sue will come after you, because that's

the overlying message is like you're saying I'm bullshit, well, you don't want any of this, sue will, meaning I'm calling my team. You know what I mean? Like logically work, but I guess he could say it could be you don't work. If it's work no rec, I don't know if that slang for like you don't bang on the streets. You know what I mean? Like calling you a punk for saying it about me, because you're not even out there, but I don't know if that's what that means, which is why we have you here.

What does it mean? Well, that was my problem. I lost all street crepes. Yeah, man. I couldn't think of even, even don't want no rep. I feel like it's the most sensible thing that I don't want no rep, R.E.P. or rec, W.R.E. C.K. Yeah.

Which because I'm hearing rec. You don't want no rec. What's blood? You niggas don't work. No rec. Oh, now I hear work. See you niggas don't work. No rec.

I still think it's want. I don't. I think you don't want. I hear work. I hear the K and work. No rec. You niggas don't work. No rec.

See, I, I, I want to hear want, but I don't know if he says want to be parents. You niggas don't work. No rec. Okay. What about this? You, you big words. Don't work. No.

Rep. Is that what we're? No. Don't work. No. Rep. Sure. It's, it's just that.

But what does any of that mean? Right. No. Could you do us a favor? Could you, could you text a friend? Who is the blackest guy you know? The thing about it too, before this, he says Vuh fucking false blood. So I don't, I mean some of this stuff, maybe he's not even saying what he wants to say.

You said Vuh fucking? You said a Muh fucking? That's what he says before. Let's see. Vuh fucking claim that I'm a false blood bitch, call me out and see if I'm a Vuh fucking false blood. Yeah, yeah. See he's, because he's worked up.

Yeah. So that's what's going on. He's angry. Call me out and see if I'm fucking false blood. Right. And when you're angry sometimes, you know, your heart rate goes up, you start stammering when you speak, you know, and he's trying to like look cool, but he's actually super angry that that's happening.

So he's stammering. Well. So I think like his words are getting jumbled a little bit. But. Much like Robert Paul's champagne. When he's horny. When he's real horny. Yeah.

His frenzied home here now. Yeah. New niggas don't work, no wreck. Oh geez. This is a whole new home here now. It is a new home here now. It is. What are we going to do?

Attention, black listeners of your mom's house, please come through for us. Please put in the subject line, I am black so we can trust your analysis. Let us know what Captain Sue was saying in your opinion. Is it want no wreck, work no rep? What is it? While fucking false blood, you niggas don't work no wreck. Gosh, I say logically it's want no wreck, but then I hear work now that N.E. says work. I hear the K.

Wait, why do you, why do you think wreck work, you think want no work? Work no wreck. I don't know. I mean, I don't know what that even means while fucking false blood, you niggas don't work no wreck. Well, here's the thing. It's out there now. It's out there now.

We're going to get a bunch of interpretations. So now it's out there, but I appreciate you sharing because I actually never gave it thought. Now you bring it up. I'm like, oh, I guess I don't know because I always thought it's want no. And then wreck was just, I don't know, you know, slang some shit I didn't get. But I always thought it was want no and now it could be work no. But reppin where he doesn't want no rep, like you represent. So maybe we don't want to, right?

My assumption, the way I heard it without thinking about it the first time was you don't want no rep, meaning like you don't want a real blood that, you know, right, right? Coming to your house and showing you I'm a real blood, right? That's what I heard first, but then I'm like, oh no, but I love that it kept you up. That's my favorite part of this that you're like about to go to Bangalore. What's that blood saying? You're like dozing off, waking up. But that's the essence of a great YMH clip is that they lay seeds in your mind.

And then maybe a week, a month later, you're like, I got to go back to this. That's how Robert Paul Champagne unfolded, you know, it was an innocuous, weird guy in the dark. And then we obsessed and we came back, same with the four stroke guy. It's just these people live in your mind. Now the more we talk about it and what he just said, I think it's, you big words don't want no rep. You don't want no rep.

That would be the logical. You don't want to do this. And he is sitting here like a, like an astrophysicist studying. He's like, what is all my work been for? Now let's test you with other black speakers. I turn it to a telescope. You know what he's saying? You got that one.

How about this? Let me eat you. You got it? Very clear. Okay. Okay. All right. How about you got that?

You got it too. All right. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, look, it's out there guys. Let us know what you hear. It is the new home here now.

So. Home here now. And it was home here now. I was a big moment for us when we, we discovered it was like, yeah, I'm coming home here now. Home me on out. Home me on out. So I gotta tell you this too. Sure.

Man, I had a surreal weekend. You did? I did. I did. All right. Door time. Oh boy. So.

Yeah. I had a surreal weekend. I gotta tell you, you know, these, these tours have been, the tour has been really, really crazy and fun. But this weekend, you know, I did something that I haven't done before, which I was really cool. I brought a friend along who's not in comedy, like not like a regular normal person. Dude, it changes like the whole.

It does. Flavor of the weekend. I did. I brought my friend and her husband to Washington. Yeah, you did that. And it was like, it just made the weekend so much more pleasant and to have like a regular, like a normal person with a normal job around you and show them the club and the, it was fun.

It was really fun. It changed the weekend for me. I'm going to do it more. I'm going to do it more. Yeah, you should. You know, you should. It's good not to be lonely because I think you and I, we like to isolate more. Yeah.

And I'm just going to sleep all day. I'm just going to get weird. Imagine if you were a normal person that whole time. It was good to do it. And, and I also did like, I did a Friday. I did a 5,000 seat venue in Phoenix that was sold out bananas. And then Denver, I did 10,000 seats on Saturday, which was for me. I gotta tell you, like it's been like a, you know, a growth thing selling tickets, but

like that was nuts to me. So, I mean, I, you know, I tried to like tweet it out, but like, I just thank you for everything. I mean, I think you were coming out in El Paso and Tucson, obviously as well in every city, but the, the Phoenix and then the Denver experience. I was like, Denver's nuts. And I remember when Agent Jeans, we, when you guys were talking about doing the Belco about a year and change ago is when you made the reservation or whatever. A while ago.

And the whole thing was like, oh gosh, you want to sell it out and, and you sold out two shows. It was nuts. I mean, I couldn't believe it. The photographs are on your Instagram. He got, I brought Sean with me and he's been doing a lot of behind the scenes video because I'm actually, I'm actually, I guess I'm announcing it now, but we've been working on shooting a bunch of stuff to do web content for my YouTube page.

Oh, that's great. And there it is. Look at that. Yeah. You can kind of look at that. That's like cut off. It's amazing. Well, we got you balloons when you got home.

Yeah. It was very sweet. Did you love it? And then Ellis let them go in this. He actually got video of me walking on and walking off. It was crazy. It was really crazy. Spanianas.

Once in a lifetime. Yeah. Yeah. It was pretty cool. Everybody, I just had, I had such a good time and Jeff Tate opened the shows. He absolutely killed. He just crushed the shows. Yeah.

How's he looking more homeless than usual? He looks like hot dogs and Gatorades are a big part of his life. Still. Still. But he was wearing those high water jeans. He was as funny as ever. Yeah. No.

He's very funny. Yeah. He got a nice new hat though. He got a nice hat. He didn't. I bought a hat. I took a hat picture as a joke. Yeah.

He walked out with one. And he did shows. Yeah. He looks good. He can pull off like crazy fashion. You know, like Ila Klein as well. There are just some people that can just wear it. Pull off wacky fashion.

They look great. It's for them. Yep. That's good. Yeah. Very excited. Well, in your absence, I've been curating a lot of tech talks and also becoming very cool.

I don't know if you know there's new sayings that the kids are into, but I'm here for it. Uh-huh. Have you heard that one? Annie, do you say that? Nadam, you guys are millennial. I'm here for it. I don't think that's a new one. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, that seems kind of, it seems kind of standard. Is that new slang? No. That's what I heard. I could be out of that. What about a VSCO girl? Have you heard an oop, oop, oop?

Take your oovers. VSCO girl? Yeah. That's new to me. See, I'm on the cutting edge. That's the new platform, right? VSCO? No.

VSCO. Yeah. It's an app where people beautify themselves. Yeah. I'm not surprised, you know? You were first on the scene with tech talks. First on the scene with VSCO. Thank you.

Innovators. But then you guys said some slang that I hadn't heard. Like what was it, hot girl summer? Yeah. What's that about? It's good to bring up in October, but yeah. What is that? I mean, it was a song and it's just kind of like a theme.

Oh, it's a song? It's like it's hot girl summer. It's like, it's the mood of the summer, you know? Who's saying it? I think Big. Was it Lizzo? Or was it Big Meg? Big Meg.

I don't even know Meg. I think that was it. Whatever. Yeah. Check your privilege tongue. It's kind of a tough one. I just felt like saying that's another slang term. Yeah.

Anyways. Big mood? Big mood. You taught me that one. And what's that all about? This is like telling my mom what things mean. It's just like whatever the mood is, it's like, you know, it's, you know, like, you know, like you're dressed up, let's say you're wearing heels and a dress.

Oh, right. I like, I like big mood. It's just like enhancing whatever the mood of the moment. I like it. I'm here for it. I'm so here for it. What's that? You know, and then like if somebody is expressing a mood, you can tag Big onto that.

I like that. Oh, he's big angry right now. He's big mad. I like that. I've been hearing, I've been hearing kids say rad. And I'm like. That's, that's called a pullback, right? A throwback.

Yeah. Well, I never stopped saying rad. That's super lame. Well, Christina's been saying like cool stuff, like talk to the hand. That's not true. I know that that's lame. As if. I don't say as if.

At it's so lame. Let's check it with any. Are you saying that? Is that a new slang? Don't be no scrub. As if? Yeah. As if.

Are you saying that's all, you're all that in a bag of chips, girl. Boo, yeah. Every day. Is that your line in the club? It works every time. What's the new slang now? If something's cool. What do you say?

You're like, I'm about it. I'm about it. Yes. We're about it here. We're. Yeah. Redeem yourself. Give us some new words.

I'm out. I'm out. There you go. I'm out. You got to have some new slang. I just say I'm out. I'm out. It's either, it's either I'm about it or I'm out.

That's all you need to know. That's all you need to know. Fuck me. You know, I got it. I feel like Josh must have some slang. He's out there throwing that thing around. He's out there slang in his deal all day long. Yeah.

You don't have any new slang, Josh? I started calling cool stuff gay and laying stuff straight. Oh, really? Yeah. So gay. Is that by the way, is there a big, is there a big movement to reclaim the definition of gay now? I don't know.

I'm hearing this more. I'm serious. Really? That people are going to start, they are saying something's gay when it's meaning like it's dope. I'm. I thought I made it up. You made it up?

Cool. I did. I thought I did. I thought I just did it just now. I think we should, we should pray. I think we should lean into it on this show. I think so. Sounds pretty gay to me.

It's a gay idea. Yeah. I love it. Let's check out some gay shit real quick. Yeah. Remember when people would be named like gay and gay now? Yeah. Like back in the days.

Gay lord. Gay lord. There's a lot of people named gay. There was a football player. I follow FSU and his name is Dakota Fag. And I always thought that had to be why he made it that far is like the rage in his veins. You know? Yeah.

His last name was FA double G. That's it. That's, you should change it. That's like having Hitler as your last name. And then there would be like, and that's a 19 yard reception and a first down, a Dakota Fag. Fag with the hit, Fag with the reception. Yeah.

That was his name. That's good times. I mean, that's gotta be rough, right? Yeah. It's terrible. Yeah. That's not fair. I mean, they could have, he could have just, you know, thrown another letter on there.

Fajo. Right. I mean, Italian. Throwing an accent or something. Faj. Yeah. Right. I don't know.

Portuguese. He was like, now I'm a prop bag. I mean, that's his name. Look it up. Dakota. Dakota. Dakota. Yeah.

Dakota. DE. No, no. C-O-D-Y. Decode. There it is. First guy that comes up. What?

Jeez. Dakota Fag. Yeah, that's unfortunate. You shouldn't leave your bag. I'm not making it up. Oh, geez. Yeah. He's got a great beard though.

No, he was, he was, you know, talented dude. Dakota Fag. That's his real name. I always thought that was crazy. Look at him. Man. He's like, you bigwars don't want no wreck. It's don't want no wreck.

Suwoo big time fag. Come get it. I hope you isolate some of that by the way. It's a lot of F-A-G. Okay, mark it and let's lift some of that. Okay, someone's got me saying some big stuff. All right. Let's, a little payback.

This is a real guy though. I'm not making this up. No, he's cute too. It's too bad that he's got that name. Anyways, you and I have also been into 90 day fiance the other way where Americans go and find their love in third world countries. And it's pretty nutty. It's getting, it's getting intense.

I'm, I'm, I'm ripping through the season. You've been falling asleep and I keep going and, uh, I can hear it. I hear it. It is true. Cause you're like, and then you're like, did you really say that? But so there's a couple relationships that are standing out right now in this season. Of a 90 day fiance the other way, which is there's a an American girl who's going to

go to Korea and which is not a third world country. We should point out cause you were like, so far the ones I've seen have been Americans and like a pig, pig village in Ecuador and then India. Well, I know, but there's, there's, they're going to all different types of countries. Just not America. You know what I mean? Yeah. And they feel safe, not America.

Talk English now. So, but what's fascinating about the 22 year old girl who is going to shack up with the 29 or 30 year old Korean guy is that he lives, not only lives with his parents in Korea, which is a standard and normal thing, but he comes to visit with his parents so that they can be around her and her already three year old daughter. She's pregnant with the Korean guys. She has the three old daughter. First night they came from Korea.

She gets an Airbnb. It's fine. Everybody has, they have their own room. Her fiance, let's say, is like, all right, like gets in bed and then he's like, what's up with getting it in, you know? And she's like, well, my daughter's going to sleep in between us. And he's like, huh? And she goes, he's like, when she goes every night.

This is a man that she's known for basically three weeks. They've been, you know, Skyping and whatever, talking face timing all the time. But she doesn't really know him. And she's like, yeah, my three year old's going to sleep in between us every night forever. Right. But how did she get pregnant in the first place then? I don't know. Do you know what I'm saying?

That's a good question. How in the world did they knock boots to begin with? I don't know. Well, she goes, she, uh, girl, let's knock. Body rocking, knocking. Sing it. You know this one. Right.

Yeah. H town? I think that's who that was. That's, um, horny. Let's do it. No. Come ride it. That's genuine.

Genuine. Genuine. Saddle. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Okay.

So. He's Sophie, that Korean. Yeah. Yeah. He looks like a beautiful woman. He looks like an F-A-G-G. Uh. Dakota.

I feel like. No. He's tiny. He's so tiny and feminine. I know. No. He's pretty. He looks like he should be in a boy band.

Yeah. So there they are. Yeah. No. He's so pretty. He is. Yeah. Like you could put him in the right light and I'd be like, she's cute.

Yeah. You know. No. He's, but Korean men are very beautiful. But see how. That's why the K-pop. I know. Then what happened to Bobby?

Who? Lee. He doesn't look good. Bobby. Yeah. I know. He looks like he could have been like a beautiful Korean man. Yeah.

And then someone just farted on him. And then. And then. You're like, what's that? You're like, that's Bobby. He's like. Yeah. That's nice.

Yeah. He looks like a butt splatter. But this girl's real fragile emotionally too. Yeah. She's crying. Oh boy. She's one of those like every, she goes, I just want breakfast to turn out good. Oh boy.

Yeah. And then you're like, is she crying over breakfast? Yeah. Yeah. And then she's like, you know, I don't know which gate he's flying into. Yeah. Cry. Cry.

That is a lifetime of that by the way. Oh yeah. That's never going to stop. Instability. Yeah. And like she shows up at the airport. They landed 45 minutes ago. Like you don't have an app on your phone.

By the way, that was always for me. I went on like several one time dates with like the emotional girl. I always was like. Tears. I'll never see you again. And that's why you like me because I don't, I don't like feelings. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And right. Comedians don't really feel them. I definitely don't like that kind of shit. Or it's like, I just wanted it to be a good breakfast. All right. She does drop a tear for everything. It's so annoying.

She's so unstable. Yeah. But the little boys. Yeah. The little, sorry. It's a little girl too, by the way. I'm not your three year old girl sleeping next to a dude. That you just met with a dick.

Yeah. Like are you out of your mind? Who just told you he wants to fuck. Yeah. You know, he's like, I'm trying to fuck right now. She's like, just my daughter's going to be here. So just don't. Negative, bro.

It's weird. It is weird. But that's not the way. We're talking about the Ecuadorian. Oh no. We were talking about her. And now we're, you know. Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whereas there's different people on the show. So that's one of them. There's also a 60 year old woman who goes to India with a 30 year old man who lies to her about his family life, his job, his housing situation. So she's like, well, he's going to take care of me. And then he's like, I am poor. I am broke.

And we have to leave with my parents soon. Is that right? Did he say that last night? This is it right here. There he is. Sumit. Yeah. But of course, okay.

Well, let's give that. Americans can never say the name of the person they're dating. She called him summit for like episode. I'm like, bitch, it's even I know it's some meat because he's Indian, you stupid cow. Yeah. Anyways. So yeah, he catfished her. He was sending her pictures.

Like a super hot. I'm hot as F. Unlike this model. She was like, what? Yeah. And then he was like, I'm just kidding. Yeah. Here I am.

That's who she was sending. Yeah. And she was like, what is up? Yeah. I'm like, I love the delusion of the older person thinking that this guy's into her. Like, bro, how delusional are you? Yeah. You really, you really have to be desperate and so willfully delusional.

Like, you know, like, you know that guy right there on the road and that photo is not interested. Right? No. Best looking twenties. You know what I mean? Like I was never that fit. Like I'd have to be at a fitter level for this guy. Yeah.

Like there's no way. Yeah. It's crazy. Oh my God. She's just a crazy old lady. It's just no money. Yeah. And oh yeah.

There was a great scene. So she's 60 and she goes and sits with a financial advisor and she goes, so I want to lay it out to you. I am moving to India for the rest of my life and I'm just going to shack up with this guy there. Can we go over my financial situation? And he's like, sure. And he like, well, he's like, is this everything?

And she's like, yep. He's like, you have about six months of living in India, which is like $20 a month. He's like, yeah, I don't know what you've done with your life, but it's not good. He's like, you have no retirement. He's like, this is all the cash you have. And she's like, mm-hmm. He's like, well, yeah, you could definitely live for six months there. She's like, cool, going to pack up and go.

And sell everything I have and leave behind grandbabies and daughters and she has like a nice family life in America. But the best of the best is definitely the pig farmer. The pig farmer is in Ecuador and Evelyn. That's right. It's Evelyn. Cold as ice. There they are.

So Evelyn and Corey. That's their names. And that's on the bed there. Yeah. I can give you the, I can give you the story. So this guy is a really innocent, nice guy and he's a square and he's a fucking cracker and he's a Mormon live in the woods. Just a do everything by the book.

Nice guy. He takes a vacation and he goes, he ends up in Ecuador. He runs into this girl and he's like, oh my God, she's gorgeous. She's sexy. He's never seen anything like he's never been around. And she's also like, you know, she's got a little attitude. She kind of busts his balls. Well, he is in love.

He's completely in love and he, they maintain a relationship. She ends up coming to visit him in Washington and she absolutely, he lives, he does live like out in the woods, but she absolutely hates it. She's like, well, I'm never moving here. I'm going back to Ecuador. And if you want to be with me, you have to move not just to like Ecuador, not to the capital, Tequito, but you have to move Tequito. I didn't know that.

Delicious. Right. Um, but you have to move to, uh, what is it, Ikebao, yeah, Ikebao, Ikebao. My fish and pig village that is, you know, literally a pig village. There's no pavement. Yeah. There's just dirt roads and mud, whatever that's, that's where she's from. And she's like, that's where I'm staying.

That's where I'm going to live. So if you want to be with me, you have to come here. This motherfucker says, yes, he sells his car. He, he takes his life savings. He sells everything he owns. He gives her money first of all to open a bar in this village, like by the beach. So it gives her a few grand for that buys her everything she needs to take back to mother, sister, father, cousins, grandma, like she's like, I need, they need this, they need that.

He buys it all. She makes him pull over on the way to the airport when she's, when he's dropping her off to go home, get ATM money, give her cash to go home. He packs up his life. He flies down to Ecuador. And when he lands at the major airport, he calls her, he's like, Hey, I'm here. You know what? Where are you?

And she's like, I stayed home, like in the village. And she's like, he's like, what? And she goes, you can just take a bus. Like she goes, you're a big boy. You can figure it out. This is your welcome to the new country, the new life. He's like, I have four suitcases with me. She's like, okay.

Well, not only that, he's like, yeah, I'm the gringo walking around. And I got a TV and one of the suitcases. I have an engagement ring. And the other one, like this guy's ready to get dressed any minute. And she's like, whatever. Then they cut to her with her family and she's like, they're like, why aren't you picking him up? She's like, he's got to do shit on his own.

She goes, hope he doesn't get robbed like that. Like, hope he doesn't get robbed. And they're like, okay. And then they're like, why are you being like this? She goes, I mean, I don't want to like marry him. And they, and they go, he's like selling, he's moving his whole life down here. She's like, whatever, we'll see, like totally indifferent. No intention of marrying this man.

He gets to town and he's like, so let's go to your place. She's like, that's not ready. Like they're doing something there. He's like, so where are we staying? She was, we're going to stay at my grandmother's tonight. And he's like, okay. So they have to walk with the four suitcases, like a 20 minute dirt road walk to her grandmother. And mind you, he's been on an airplane for all day.

And then he had to take two buses to get to Angabeau. And he's panicked the whole time. It's a dicey thing. And now he's like exhausted. And she's like, it's a 20 minute walk cause we don't have a car. So they get to grandma's, okay. And when they get to grandma's, the grandma's like, you know, greets them, takes them to the, to the bed.

She goes, you can stay here. Now the bed is just a mattress with sheets. And there's no, there's a makeshift wall. It's like a cardboard thing. There's no ceilings and there's no windows to the outside. So all the elements can be in the room. And he says, there's not like a mosquito net. And she goes, did you bring one?

And he's like, no. And she goes, he goes, is there any mosquito repellent? And she goes, I think your bad energy is repellent enough. She says that to him. And then he just drops his head. He's like, I'm sorry. Like totally cucks out. And then, oh, and then she's like, you should be thanking my grandmother for putting you

here. Yeah. She goes, you need to show your gratitude. Which is true. Like, hello. You should thank my grandmother for this piece of shit arrangement. Yep. But there's, that's the room, by the way, that he's sleeping in, that we were just looking

at that brick wall and the garbage cans there. That's his room. That's the room. And then he's like, I think I can plug in, is there anywhere I can plug in something? She's like, there's one outlet in this whole house and we're not going to let you use a dipshit. So, I mean, talk about a warm welcome to your new homeland. She's just totally cold and so, but the thing is, you know, this guy is such a sweet boy

and she doesn't respect it. And she, I think she needs to get drilled. That's really what she needs. She needs a fucking gorilla pounding where her eyes roll back into her head and she respects the guy who's dick is doing it. That's what he needs to make her do, make those kinds of noises. Well, you specifically said to give her the pile driver. Yeah.

It's true. I think you're right here. I think you're 100% right, is that she needs an alpha male, a guy who's not going to take this nonsense from her and she keeps trying to make him tougher. That's what the whole thing is. That is. She needs to grow him up. She is.

But like, bitch, he ain't going to grow up. Like, he's a little nice guy. Yeah, he's sweet. Yeah, no. He's not that guy. He needs like. She needs an alpha. Legs pin back and he's just like, you know, like really and she's like, she's trying to

say stop, but it still feels good. How do you say stop in Spanish? Para, para, algo, algo. Yeah. Yeah, I do. Yeah. Do you think anybody really does the pile driver in real life though? Yeah, sometimes.

I don't think so. I don't think anyone really does it. Yeah. It happens. Any do you pile drive people? Is that real? No. I don't even know pile driver.

Tell him, tell him. Okay. So picture like this. The girl is laying on her back, right on the ground, right? Now you grab her ankles and you lift her ankles up. So now it's like her neck and head on the ground, but her and then you drop your dick down into her. This is the stupidest thing I've ever.

No, it wouldn't work for me because there you go. There you go. Squat it. That's a reverse pile driver. Can I? Yeah. Go ahead. That's insane.

Can you find the other one? Can you find the correct one? But that one, you'd have to have your peener down, like you'd have to push your wreck peener down and be hard. That one, that's not too, too crazy. No, no. See like how that image is? What?

No, he's, he's looking for a different. No. Sex position. You gotta put it in. There you go. There it is. That's it. That's it.

That's the pile driver. Yeah, you're gonna. Yeah. You do that one? Who's doing that in real life? We're gonna have to blur a little bit, but you know, you, you get it. You get it. Right?

What do you think? Yeah. But you don't, you think that if he did that to her the next morning, she's like, Hey, I made you coffee. Like show a little more respect. Absolutely. Yeah. See what's going on here though?

Cause as a woman, I mean, I, I kind of get it. Like he's too wimpy. He is. And that's not very sexually attractive. But why? She's doing that thing where she, she wants him to be a different person. That's not who he is. Yeah.

It's not who he is. He is a sweet, nice guy. Right. And he's, that's how he's going to be. So she's essentially trying to get rid of him by icing him out. Like she's like, I don't care. Well, I love you. Maybe, you know, I wouldn't be surprised if like at the end of this, she's like, I love

it. And you, they end up being together, you know? It's one of those things where he's going to like break her down with how he can't, how she can't break him. Jesus. That's so sick. But she's saying mean shit. Like even on day one after all that shit, we didn't even bring up that he says whatever

to her and she's like, why don't you just get your stuff and go home? Like right away. Yeah. She wants to get, but that's a, that's a, she's trying to get rid of him without getting rid of him. Right. You know what I mean? Cause now the cameras are there.

Yeah. She doesn't like him at all. Yeah. It's a very interesting dynamic to me. Like why, why have the guy, if you just hate his guts so much, she just hates him. I don't know. Yeah. And then there's the old lady with the cute guy in Qatar.

Qatar. The American side cutter and she calls him, what, Aladdin? Isn't that Aladdin? She calls him, yeah. Aladdin. That's probably how they say it. Aladdin. Yeah.

I'm going to have sex with Aladdin. Aladdin. Another delusional fat blonde chick, old lady. She's ripped up cute Middle Eastern guy. And he is. He's yoked. Yoked. He's totally yoked and she's so fat and so old and he's like, I love you.

Of course. I don't know what he, what hustle he's pulling, but we haven't seen it yet. What is that? It's really weird. Yeah. Really weird. Anyways, they're all sexual people and speaking of sexual people a few weeks ago. I am a very sexual person.

I am a very sexual person. I am a very sexual person. I am a very sexual person. So are you. So are you. Yes, babe. So are you. It is our favorite acapella singer.

You know him also as the acupuncture guy. No acupuncture no more. Yes, of course. So we put the I am a sexual person vibe out there and you guys immediately responded with a number of remixes. Would you like to hear some? All right. I live for the remixes.

Okay. Up first is DJ Tojam with sexual person. I am a very sexual person. I am a very sexual person. I am a very sexual person. I am a very sexual person. So are you. So are you.

Yep. Okay. So are you. So are you. So are you. I like to. It's got nice vibes. Yeah, you could dance to that.

Yeah, it's good. Did you hear the vocal fry in that? The vocal fry? I think I just heard some Steven Siegall in there. Really? I think so. Really? I think so.

Like layered in there? I think so. Good ear, man. I just heard it. Okay. So Steven Siegall, he's a handsome who definitely he had a banger with no more acupuncture. Yeah. He sent in his let's have sex version.

Say yes. So let's have sex. Let's have sex tonight. Let's have sex tonight. Tonight. Tonight. Put your finger in the hole. Let's do a tixi roll. This song makes me feel very sexual.

I'm in. Great job. He's a very sexual person. Yes, he is. Here is Kyle B with I Am A Very Sexual Person. Big gospel mood. Big mood. I am a very sexual person.

No, no. This doesn't seem... This doesn't seem on the right. It's not on the beat, bro. Let's see. Okay, now it's getting better. It's like a big ensemble, it sounds like, is there for that. You know what I was just thinking? I would not move to Ecuador for anybody.

We were talking about the delayed reaction on those clips. A few minutes later you're like, That's what hit you? He loves that bitch. He's totally in love with her. He's never met anyone like that. I'm a world traveler. I've seen a lot of stuff I'm aware.

But to leave America... Bro, it's not happening. This is the country for me. No way. A pig village, there's no cement. No fucking mosquito nets even. Let's hear a couple more songs. You might like this one.

But thank you for that update. This is Ricky T. in the Tic Tards. So let's have sex. Alright. Oh, powerful. Quick until the point. Powerful. Uh, here's Rico R. with Sex Tonight.

Oh, it's kind of an 80s vibe. I like this. Kind of dark. So what's up, sex? Yeah, what's up, sex? Yeah, what's up, sex? Yeah, what's up, sex? I like it.

I like it, yeah. You bet. Alright. And here's one more. I feel like people don't really just say let's have sex. I don't know, they're the ones out there throwing their gongs around. Like with Tom, I don't go like, hey babe, let's have sex. But do you say that when you're out there in the clubs, guys?

When you're dropping your dingsongs around? Yeah, like to seal the deal, you're like, hey, let's have sex tonight. Let's go back to my place. Yeah, like, do you say that? That phrase? I don't think I've ever said that sentence, let's have sex. Right. It's, you know, you just start making moves and then it happens.

Do you say I'm a sexual person? Yeah, that I do say. I say that and then I start making moves. I can't even imagine what the Dom's moves are like. Oh man. Oh my god. Yeah, it's a... What is your move?

What's your game? I mean, I normally just don't, like I let them be aggressive. That's what I like, I like aggressive. So it's like, you know. You would like Evelyn, the Ecuadorian pig farmer. Not that kind of aggressive. Not like, fuck yourself, you figure it out. But you need a lady to make the first moves, essentially.

You prefer that. Yeah, like whenever I go out with someone, like it's, I normally don't do anything on the first date because I don't know if they like me, you know, it's just all insecurities. I have insecurity issues. Oh yeah, you work here, of course. Yeah. Everybody. We all do.

Sure, sure, sure, sure. I like you. Yeah, I like you. Oh, thanks guys. Yeah. Because I'm a sexual person. I would like to have a kid easier on my face. Oh, I hate him the most.

I am a very sexual person. I am a very sexual person. I am a very sexual person. I am a very sexual person. So are you. So are you. Yeah, I love that he sampled the I'll make you come guy. Yeah, I'll make you come.

That's creativity. The grossest. Yeah. So are you. No, thank you. I got it. I think he's the grossest of them all. He looks like a murder.

I don't like him. I would rather watch the four stroke guy on a loop than watch. Really? Yeah. I've been polite. I don't like him. He's creepy. All right.

Big shows coming up. Yeah. Go ahead. Yeah. Let me beg you. If you're in Nashville, come to my shows this week. Please. I'm at Zany's October 3rd through 5th.

Dear God, are there any mommies in Nashville? Please come. Yeah. And then I do a residency at Flippers in Sperm Bank in the Yoo-Hoo Room every week on Thursday night. It's only 50 people. I love to work out material with you guys there. I'm doing it every Thursday through December, October 10th.

I'll be doing it, but then October 17th. I'm in Irvine at the Irvine Improv in Sperm Vine, California. And then October 25th, Pasadena at the Ice House, 8 o'clock, 10 o'clock show, November 22nd, Seattle at the Neptune. What did I do? Did I fuck it up? Oh, okay. Okay.

And then Portland, Oregon, November 23rd. All right. You can see me in Des Moines on October 8th. I'll be at the Des Moines Civic Center the next day. Lincoln, Nebraska. Then Sioux City, a.k.a. Sioux City, Iowa. Oh, shoot. Minneapolis on the 11th.

The early show is sold out. The late show has tickets available. And then I end that week in Fargo on October 12th. Then a couple of weeks later, it's off to Europe where I do Budapest. Berlin and Amsterdam are sold out. Some tickets left, very few left for Antwerp. Tickets available in Paris. A few left in London and Salford.

And the early show in Dublin has some tickets. Then it's off to Kingston, New York. New York City. Ben Salem, Buffalo, Syracuse and Charlotte. They're all at ThompsonGurra.com slash tour. I also announced that I'm going to Australia in the new year. Here is an update for you. The show January 20th in Sydney is almost sold out as is the 18th in Brisbane and the 17th in Melbourne.

We're not going to add. I'm just going to stick to one show on that trip. If you want to go to it, you probably got to get tickets now. There's still tickets available in Perth, but only less than 200 left there. Then I go to Auckland, New Zealand on the 25th of January. My residency in Las Vegas was announced. I'm going to be at the Mirage multiple times. The first two are going to be March 6th and 7th, May 29th and 30th.

They're in Vegas in 2020. They are also on sale. I know it's way in advance, but that's how they announced it. Go to ThompsonGurra.com slash tour for all of those tickets. I thank you very much. It's rare that we get to have people we actually enjoy on this show. This week, today, right now, it's one of those. It's a person who's fun to be around and absolutely hilarious comic you may have seen

or you need to see his new, his latest ideas not worth spreading. Comedy special presented by Bill Burr is on Comedy Central. I'm assuming you can go and see it now on the Comedy Central site or app. It's Ian Edwards. Thanks for coming here, man. Appreciate it. Is that true? Can people see it on the app, on the site?

It's right in front of the pay wall. Just go to Comedy Central and I guess type it in. Yeah. And it's right there. It's right there. It's free. You don't have to have a subscription or nothing. Yeah.

You know what I love? You just have to be in America probably. Yeah. You know what I love is that it's a play on the TED Talk format. Yeah. Like your stage is at TED Talk. Yeah, it's great. Ideas not worth spreading.

Ideas not worth spreading. Amazing. And that's the truest statement ever said by me. And this, you've been killing it for years and years. People forget. Don't even know this. You're in your 70s and you look amazing. Well, 80.

80. No, but you look amazing. It's funny. I'm at my 80. You're in your 80. Yeah, I'm in my 80s. I've been in comedy clubs and I've seen your photo on the wall. I'm like, who the fuck is this?

Oh, that's right. It's Ian with dreads. I was 10. And you were 10. When did you start stand up? Because I remember seeing that. Like early 20s. Early 20s.

Yeah, yeah. In the 1920s? Yeah, yeah. In the 1920s. Yeah. When they wouldn't let black guys in the club. They're like, come on. This is what this kid do is staying.

Oh, you're so funny. It's fucking amazing. But you're like, there you are. Let's see. Let's let's see if that guy is not me. That's not the guy in the white shirt. It's not me. No, but that is you.

That's me right there. Yeah. What? That's me. That's all handsome. This right there. That's a girl. That's not a white dude.

That's you. That's you. That's me today. That's you with Austin Morris Associates. And then guy from there you are. There you are. There you are. Ian Ray Edwards.

Guys, that might not be me. How often, how many times have you encountered in your life? Because I remember specifically doing a commercial once on set. And this is like, this is like the worst thing that can happen. The directors from Ireland. So you like, I think that plays a part in this because it's a really white place. They flew him in and one of the actors was black. And so right away he was like, do you know what you look like?

And we were all like, oh, shit. And he goes, and the actor, the actor was just like, oh, who? And he goes, Wesley Snipes. And everybody was like. And it's some guy with dreads whose light skin. Right. And the worst part is that the person's saying it. It's not like a grit.

It's the director. Right. So then you got everyone with the director was kind of like, yeah, cool, man. And then I feel like we all were like, and you could tell that the actor was like, I definitely know I don't look anything like Wesley Snipes. So then we all were like, he's Irish. And he's probably like maybe met two black people or something. And then he probably watched like passenger 57 last night.

And then he saw you. And then now he's like, hey, you know who you look like? And this guy I saw. Have you ever had that kind of weird someone associating you with somebody? You know what I mean? Like, yeah, somebody just did it. But not with somebody who's famous, like with an open Micah. Yeah.

Yeah. I just got tagged in a photo of some guy who's at the comedy store. I performed that night. This is three weeks ago. And I was like, I got a picture with the great Ian Edwards and it's some other dude. Yeah. And I'm like, you're like, yeah. I'm like, then I just reposted it.

That's the way to handle it. It happens to me all the time. So it's definitely not. Really? Well, it's not race specific. It's what happens is like if somebody. The bearded guy. Yeah.

It'll be like any guy with a beard. It can be a guy with an open wound on his face. There's a race of bearded people now. Yeah. It's a bearded race for real. It's a bearded race. Oh, that's cool. Any guy with a beard.

They're like, and then I get tagged in a bunch of like met Tom Segura tonight. As long as the guy looks generally unhealthy, they'll be like, they'll be like, I met you. And we're in a baseball cap. Yeah. And a beard. Yeah. I get tagged with like Nikki Glaser, Amy Schumer, any blonde white chick. My favorite is the randoms where they go.

Like, I guess Tom Segura is at my gate. I got a flight and it'll just be a fat piece of shit who's just like eating. That's just people fucking with you though. He'll have a beard. And then they'll be like, they're like, you're here. Cool, man. Yeah. We're just talking about your, you have like such a specific cadence and accent.

You're born in England, raised in Jamaica. You come over at 17. To New York. To New York. So now you got New York. So you're born, what part of England are you from? From, I think I was born in Hammersmith County Hospital. Hammersmith Palai.

Right, Tom. You speak good English. Hello. There you go. Do it for us. Hello. Welcome, Tom. Welcome home.

And Sheffield. I'm just glad it wasn't the typical, I like that British accent, that version of it. Yeah. Would you like the more, do you feel like more people do the refined one or the shooting? Yeah. I think more people do the refined one. Yeah. The refined one.

But a lot of English people, like I watch soccer and those fans, they're not refined. At all. Those are just some hard, those are the southern English people. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, like there are rednecks. Yeah, they're rednecks. Yeah, exactly.

I man, it's like our version of that. Yeah, you're like, what the fuck did you just say? Yeah, Tom. I am constantly saying what the fuck did you just say? To the people who are supposedly speak the language that I speak fluently. Right. So it's like the language originated there and half the time when they're, I'm like, huh?

You speak, this is how it's supposed to sound? Did your English come with subtitles or something? Because I don't understand. Scottish people speak English. Oh, I get it. That's tough too. That's over. Now, we were watching some stupid show on Netflix last night where it's like you and

your mate, you take selfies and then they go out in the street and they, people, the strangers in the world vote to see who's hotter, you or your boyfriend or girlfriend. This is on Netflix. Yeah. It's a stupid show. And they were interviewing. We don't have a show on Netflix. We have.

Yeah, I know. And anyway, their accents were so like, you could tell what you were talking about. Like, because she looks fit. And I'm like, we don't understand half of this shit. He's so hot. He's so hot. I walk with a ball over me right now. I would do filthy fucking things.

I wouldn't say fucking filthy things to him. I go to gym. Yeah. That's pretty much the normal. Yeah. Like that you run into. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah. Everything is in it. Yeah. In it. It's cool in here.

In it. It's cool in it. In it. That's another word they always say. In it. Like there's, there's some one word that they always say. There's something psychological. Yeah.

After everything. To say, like the equivalent here would be saying something and then ending your sentence always with right. Yeah. Yeah. There's our, what's the English right? Right. In it.

In it. In it. In it. Yeah. Basically you're looking for validation or agreement, approval with every, if you speak like that. Yeah. In any place.

If you're just always saying cool here, right? Yeah. You're hungry, right? Yeah. You're ready to go, right? Yeah. You'd be like dude, just fucking. Yes.

Yeah. You're looking for validation after everything you say. In it. In it. In it. In it. In it. In it.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean some acts, I mean. Do this one. Now this guy's about 35 years younger. Here in Kalarani because we've been invited by a very special character. I hear he's a local legend and his name is Sham. Sham, how are you?

How are you? We're here in Kalarani today. Nice to meet you. Are you from Kalarani? Born and bred. Well, here's the thing. They went and got the town drunk. Right.

Right. And they clearly is the, you know, like he's reverting back. His mouth is going back to baby age. That's how long he's been around where like his teeth have died. Right. You know what I'm saying? There's only a few left. There's only a few left.

Yeah. But the impressive thing is that that guy couldn't understand every fucking thing. That's the guy's saying. That's blowing my mind. He has no problem with that. Yeah. He has no problem. He had five miles down the road.

Yeah. Like how come he's not saying say that again? Yeah. How are you understanding this guy? No problem with it. That is bananas. He should be saying, what the fuck are you saying? Yeah.

Yeah. What do you think makes it a great town? Oh, well again. I don't know what's going on. I don't know what's going on. I don't know what's going on. Yeah. Lots of tourists around here.

Tourists don't know what's going on. It's great, isn't it? It's great. It's a prank show. It's a prank show. It's a prank show. It's a prank show. It's a prank show.

No. Yeah. He understands everything. Now, to be fair, to flip it on, I have, if you're talking about like a real born-in-bred hardcore Jamaican, I've seen shit where I'm like, I don't know what the fuck that guy's saying either. Yeah. Because that's not right.

That's true. That's that's that's that's that's why. Yeah. Because I don't understand. I've been to whatever I've been to, maybe Montego Bay and I can hear people talking in that room, but I'm no fucking idea what those broads are saying. Is that all you understand? All that shit?

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Does that ever leave you or no? That's the thing. Does it kind of? It depends. I got to run into somebody that throws me off.

Like some like I haven't spoken to, I'm in California, haven't spoken to a Jamaican in a long time. Uh huh. Like my mother has a Jamaican accent, but it's it's Englishized, you know what I mean? Right. I feel like running to somebody that's just from somewhere that even in Jamaica, you can't even understand. That's what I'm like.

Yeah. My favorites about that, how the language changes is do you ever play ACME in Minneapolis? Not yet. It's fantastic. Yeah. And the owner of the club, Lewis Lee is from Hong Kong and he came over at like 30 or something right. He speaks English with a heavy accent, but he's been over here so long that his Cantonese

has like really depreciated. Right. Yeah. So then I went with him on a tour to Hong Kong a few years ago and he said that like all his slang is like 40 years old. He's outdated. So he's the equivalent of like saying like sitting to some skin. Yeah.

He said that people are like, what? He's saying all that slang to people. So when I started at the store, Barry Diamond was there. Oh, I remember that. Barry Diamond. Was he a booker? No. I don't know if he became a booker.

He was an actor too. He was an actor in a comic. Yeah. He was in movies with Tom Hanks. I remember. When I was big eighties comics, yeah, and then he would go on either before me or after me and do a black guy, but it was that black guy. Oh, oh, like an old school, like, hey, brother, what it is, and I'm like, hey, man, I go on

right. I said, hey, man, I don't sound like that. I don't even know any. Everybody I know sounds like that is dead. Yeah. That's your old. Update your black guy. Right.

Right. Right. So even people, and that's why, listen, I'm a big fan of Eddie Murphy, and he's got the special coming out. Maybe I'm not, but he's got to update his black guy, because he sounds like a dated. It's too dated. He sounds dated. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Like what? Like prime Eddie Murphy black guy. A kid that was pretending to be Eddie Murphy's son, that kid was like 20 and sounded like Eddie Murphy from the 80s. And I'm like, this is weird. So that always made.

And then we found out that it wasn't Eddie Murphy's son. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was just pretending to be. He looked like him. Oh, and then he'd come to the store. He do sets there.

Oh my God. Oh, he was doing sets. He was doing sets. And Richard Pryor has a son for real, for real. So then that kid and Richard Pryor's son, we're going to do a tour together. Whoa. And then they got the Eddie Murphy fake got found out, and I think Eddie threatened to swim or some shit like that.

Damn. But that got that kid. When I said, they said Eddie Murphy's son is doing a set upstairs, so I went up there to see him. I'm like, why does he sound? Why doesn't he sound like the black kids now? Right. He sounded like.

So then that kind of made me. And then later on, they found out that makes sense. Yeah. He was trying to make his voice look like Eddie Murphy. Right. He's doing like a basic. Impression. Impression.

Interesting. Yeah. It's that's dude. That is fast. And you're so right with like, not just like a black guy and everything has that thing of like, it's it works. A references work for like a frame period, right, five year window or 10 year window. But you can definitely start doing an impression that's like distinctly you're like, oh, that

sounds 20 years old. Yeah. Imagine somebody coming here talking like Chaucer. Yeah. Somebody coming here sounding all Shakespeare. Right. Where's your time machine? Right.

Yeah. Because the English, regular English has changed. Like sure. Changes. Yeah. All the slang and point of views also, right, like things that like you. It's funny. We talk about all the time how jokes that were like that a valid joke 10 years ago.

Now you can't even. Yeah. Yeah. Even when I hear certain jokes from 10 years ago that I used to laugh at, now they kind of bum me out or I'll be like, that's insensitive, you know, like, yeah, I'm like, yeah, that's true. That anymore. So your mom, is she there?

Are your parents still in Jamaica? No, no. They both move to New York. They both move to New York. Oh, that's right. Sorry. You went to New York. Well, they're in New York, but one is underground.

Oh, yeah. What? One is dead. Oh, underground. I thought you meant like he's in some kind of cool group that does stuff. I mean, I mean, if I don't know. I could consider dead cool. Yeah.

I don't think. It's okay. So where they play in this week, man, they have a gig, the underground. No, I'm like the underground. It sounds neat. Well, rest in peace to your father. Cool. It's hard.

You didn't do it. It's fine. No, I definitely didn't do it. Did you? No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. From US to Europe. How do you find a relationship there? Yeah. Yeah. OK. For sure. And then yes, sometimes I moved there first and then she got a job and got all her stuff

together and then brought us over. I'm fascinated by its destinations. Like from a country well, New York's never really that surprising because it's New York has this huge the Hmong population, Ethiopian, Eritrean, Somalian and you're like, you came here from the hottest place? Yeah. All those choices. I know.

You got a Minnesota. Yeah. The cold is shit, right? One time I had a cab driver in Knoxville, Tennessee, who was from Africa, like he'd just gotten here from, fuck I forget which place in Africa, but I'm like, really, dude, of all the fucking states in the union, Knoxville, Tennessee, you're the only black guy in the whole city. I don't know.

Like in a. It bummed me out. You know, we were just talking, Dearborn, Michigan has the biggest population I think of. Yes. Is it Middle Eastern? Yes. And it's like, why?

So random. Yes. Random. Yeah. And that Hmong population is, yes, there's like over over 70,000 in the middle. Minneapolis, St. Paul area, you know, it's just, you're like, what, why'd you come here? Yeah. I mean, I don't know.

It's not like obviously you got to end up somewhere, but it's just curious, right? If I'm from there, from their country, and I get to Minneapolis, I don't care how mong sick I get. Yeah. I'm leaving. Yeah. Going somewhere, even if there's just five mong people and it's sunny. Yeah.

You know, like I left New York because I was like, I got a writing job here. The show got canceled and I was like, it's warm here. I'm staying here. Yeah. Everyone's staying where it's warm. I'm not, I'm not going to stay. I don't, you mean I don't have to deal with these winners? Yeah.

Yeah. We were talking to this real estate mogul a few weeks ago about how he invests and he's like, his number one thing, he's like, he's like, warm, gotta be warm place. Oh, sure. And I was like, what about like upcoming shit? You know, what about like, like Boise, Idaho has been blown. He's like, you know, people are going to do when they get their shit together in Boise, they're going to leave and they're going to go somewhere warm.

Yeah. So he just, he's like, it's gotta be a fucking warm city to buy. And that's funny because I've been thinking about trying to get some property in Boise. For real? For real. Really? Because I went on a tour with Tosh. It was a bus tour with shows and I was blown away and impressed by Boise.

It's beautiful. It's beautiful. They got mountains and I saw that, whenever I see that building in a place, then I go in the morning, take a walk, get a smoothie and start asking the people behind the counter what's going on in the town. They said a lot of people from California are moving there and it's building up. And I was like, this would be a great place to get into now. But yeah, that's that, that weather shit, the weather shit.

But I mean, also, I don't know. I mean, I personally am weather wise, most a fan of places that have four seasons. I like it. You want to know. The hotel? I like it. The four seasons hotel? For sure.

Room service. I have to stay in there. No, but I mean, I don't want to. Of course, I don't want to be in an extended brutal winter, but I'm saying I don't mind winter that comes and goes to spring and I like it for a fucking season. I like it. Fuck it. I could live in Florida in a minute.

I love warmth. Fuck. I'm sorry. I fuck London, too, or England to live there. I love the country. I love it. But I live when I studied abroad there, it was so depressing because, you know, the sun comes out for five hours a day in the winter and then you're drunk all day.

That's why England colonized the world. Because, you know, England had America, the entire, a lot of the Caribbean, India, Pakistan, and a lot of the Middle East. And it's because they were like, man, this is shit. We got to go rob some shit. We got to rob somewhere, sonny. I'm not staying here. I know.

And it's like, how are we going to fight like an African continent? There's more people there than us. You want to stay here or you want to fight the entire continent of Africa and own some of it. That's how powerful weather is. It'll just turn you into a monster. It's everything. I always feel like weather is as like tired as a conversation can be about weather.

It is under value. It's under represented. Like it should be the priority of every, like where you're going on a trip to live. It's like, it's everything. It is. It is perfect. It's just too hot. You're just like, I don't want to go anywhere.

It's too cold. Same thing. You're going to be in doors. So where did you grow up? I lived in a bunch of places. So I mean, mostly Midwest places. I did live in Minneapolis. I did live in Milwaukee, Cincinnati and then in Florida.

So I got extremes like extreme winters, pretty extreme, and then brutally hot, extended summers, you know, extends and Christina, where'd you grow up? Yeah, so here's the thing that I was talking about the other day with a friend and it's because you brought it back to my mind. Like when I was a kid, I never asked another kid or had a conversation about the weather. Yeah, right. You know, like when I said, man, like, what's it like out there? Like, you know, some people just as an adult, you're like, yeah, it's hot, huh?

Or what's the got a wind chill fact? Like, how come when we were kids, we didn't give a fuck? That's so true. I know, like only since I've been an adult, have I even tolerated. You're totally right. Like somebody saying something to me about the weather and tagging their thing about the weather so that they can tag it back and we go back and forth. It's totally true.

Like it was never hot or too hot when I was a kid. It's true. And I think you're more pure and you're more just like, you know, you're not thinking about how that's going to affect choices you make. That's the thing. You're just interested in fun. But no, but like as a kid in Jamaica, yeah, so there was never one day. Yeah.

Jamaica is hot as shit. Yeah. There was never one day I thought about not going outside because it was too hot. Right. We didn't have AC. Yeah. Oh my God. And I just don't remember a kid ever saying, man, it's hot today.

No, we're so used to it. Now, same here. It's hot about it now. Don't that was it? Like if it's a super hot day, would you complain about it now? Kind of kind of not really because what bugs me is when people man is it's hot. I said it's California in the summertime. Yeah.

Like it's this way every summertime. You've lived here 10 years. Yes. What are you saying to me? Of course. This is some obvious shit. Yeah. And you know what I admire about you right now?

It's the middle of summer in California and you're wearing a windbreaker jacket. I mean, got the AC on. Thank you. Thank you. I've got my space heater on right now. You got your space. You do? Space heater.

Coldest bucket. That's heater? Oh, for real? She's got a heater on. Because I grew up in warm weather and I like to be warm. I'm like a reptile. Two weeks ago, we were here. It was 105 that day.

She was like heat all the way up. All the way up. Feels good. I kind of like that. Yeah, me too. I kind of. That's because we're warm weather people. Warm weather people, man.

I just like. How'd you live in New York? I'm trying to figure that out now. How long were you there? Uh, for at least maybe like 10 years or something. Jesus. Did you just cry in the winter? You must have cried all day.

Just sobbing. I could picture you. I just cried. I lived for the summer. Like I'm just. It's like a prison sentence. Yeah. You don't have to kill yourself.

Summer's only three months away. And then we just live for the summer. And then it'll end and then you just deal with the Christmas will help you deal with the beginning of winter. Yeah, because it's a favorable fun season. And it's just. Yeah, I get you. I get.

I mean, just live three more months for the. I will say the only term I get like cause I'm with you that it's summer and so it should be hot. I do. I find myself complaining more and getting irritated when it's like late October. You're like, it's supposed to be fall. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you're like, we're getting into November and you're like, it's 97. I like that shit. I like it. Yeah, I love that shit. Whoa. I can swim. Yeah.

Now your mom. Does she, when you were a little boy and she would come for you, would she say, oh, Ian, everything is I read. Comfort to make everybody. Say that. Does everybody say that? Look at us. The random things.

Yeah, I read. When she would rob me, run them things. Yeah. Yeah. That's what you say. Run them. Yeah. You're robbing somebody in New York.

Run that shit. Run that shit, man. You're telling me people don't say I read. Mom, you just gave me the dinner. You want me to run it? Run it. And then would she be like, Ian, don't worry. Ian, hop in.

She'd say, don't worry. Be happy. And then your dad would be like, smoke this. Blunt. Let me tell you something. He rolled up. Pass it around the table. It's hilarious.

What's the name of that guy that came up with, don't worry. Be happy. Bobby McFerrin. That's one of the worst songs that ever happened to Jamaican people. Of course it is. When that came out, were you very upset? Did it trickle over?

You just had to ride it out like the winter. You know what I'm saying? How many years did you hear that shit? Too long. Yeah. They were like, oh, you're from Jamaica? Don't worry. Be happy.

I'm like, I don't even know. He wasn't from Jamaica, was he? I don't know. I don't know. He fucked up Jamaican people's lives. He fucked up Jamaican people's lives. If you're an immigrant aboard and a white person comes up to you and sings to you, don't hear.

And then you punch them in the face. Complete opposite sentiment of the song. Of course. Yeah. No, you want Sister Nancy bumping, right? There you go. That's a national anthem, as it should be. What's the other one?

But nobody said, just to be clear, nobody says I-Ree. Am I right? Yeah, people say I-Ree. They do? Yeah, they say I-Ree. What? I thought it was just a thing that tourists learn. No, no.

That's why I asked you. I-Ree's real. How about... Give me some context. How do you... What did you like when people go... You go, you want something to drink? And then somebody goes, yes, Mon.

It's nice. Oh, so that... Is that good? So that used to bug me. Right. That, the Mon. Mon. Mon.

That's annoying. I can't imagine why. Because Jamaican people don't use it like that. Right. Okay. So when I had auditions and they tried to do like a Jamaican character, whatever it was, sitcom or a Taco Bell commercial, they would just put Mon at the end of every sentence. So it'd be, hello, how you doing today?

Mon. You know? Yeah. What time is it? Mon. So that's how they would Jamaican every sentence up with the Mon. And you're like, none of us speak like this. And we don't say Mon after everything.

So how would you say it? Can I guess? Can I guess? So would it be in the context of a yes Mon? Yes Mon or want Mon. Like it's like high. But instead of what's happening, it's like want Mon. Okay.

That's like what's up. Instead of high, want Mon. Yeah. But that's like what's up. You know what I mean? I wouldn't put it there. I don't hear it that way. And then you just put it where the other people who wrote the audition would put it.

I put it where white people put it. I got this, Irie Drink Mon. Irie Drink Mon. Because there are so many bad Jamaican. Yeah. Like we've ruined your guys this whole thing. Okay. So then Irie.

Then how do I use Irie? Everything's Irie. How are you doing? Irie. Yeah. That's it. Let's like it's like I'm good. Irie.

You're Irie. You're Irie. Yeah. I like you're good. Gotcha. Who knows if that's changed in Jamaica now. All right. You know what I mean?

Yeah. I don't want to go to Jamaica and sound like an 80s Jamaican. That's why you could sound like Louis Lee. Yeah. I could sound like Barry. They'd be the Barry Diamond of Jamaica people. Yeah. You walk in, you're like Irie and they're like the fuck in here.

Hey man. Dude back from the future with the fuck man. That's hilarious. I forgot Mon. Geez. That was annoying. That even annoyed me in the 80s. What's the other hack?

There's got to be a couple other ones. Yeah. Don't worry. Be happy. Irie. That was a bunch of weed stuff. Ganja. Everyone was like.

Ganja. Yeah. Everybody thought because you're Jamaican you smoke weed. Yeah. Like 24 seven. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Which it's not it is not legal in Jamaica to smoke weed. Yeah. A lot of people think it is. That's true. And I remember being there and they're like do not you want to buy weed and go jail. It's illegal. Yeah. They always give you the heads up.

Like if you want a cruise ship and you get off. There's like 20 guys there like you're trying to smoke and then Americans are like yeah this is like you know especially 10 years ago and I'd be like we're going to go up this hill. This mountain. Yeah. No. You know my dad.

Yeah. No. Ganja. Ganja man. And Bob Marley posters. A lot of that. And. Bob Marley was just big period.

Yeah. Yeah. He's like that's just standard. That's everybody's idol. That's like the Jesus painting on the wall. Right. It's Marley. Bob Marley.

Jesus at least have Bob Marley. Yeah. Here's the thing with like somebody as famous as him with with with his catalog you have like with with music people go the songs you the songs that you celebrate are like from an artist kind of dictate how people view you. So if you go like oh Buffalo soldier is that something where if you're Jamaican you're like that's one of them wack ass songs or is that that was that was so that's a good one to like.

Like there's no bad Bob Marley song. So it's it's cool to like the catalog. The whole like yeah. Like every song that he used to have was just a hit like he died before he could get bad. Yeah. Which probably is inevitable. Sure. Any artist.

Any artist. Yeah. But you know he died before. Like you know. Yeah. Like. How old was he? Do you know he was.

I think he died like thirty six. Damn. I think it was thirty six. And he and his forty children are just here to carry on his legacy. Maybe like fifty sixty. Sixty kids. Sixty sixty. Yeah.

I don't know how to. It's a lot. He put it in like he acted like I might die one day. Yeah. So I'm just going to fuck everything moving. Yeah. It's a lot of kids. A lot of kids.

Yeah. Twelve. Damn. Twelve. Well Eddie Murphy doesn't he have like seventeen. He has ten. Ten. Eddie's got ten.

How old was he when he died. I can't read that. That's what numbers you say. He died. Eighty one. Yeah. You're right. About thirty.

What. I can't do the math. Okay. I can't read thirty six. You're right. Thirty six. Yeah. Shit.

What a bummer man. Hendricks. How old was Jimi Hendricks when he died. That's the same. Twenty seven. Twenty seven. No. All those guys were twenty seven.

All those people were twenty seven. Janice Joplin twenty seven. Twenty seven. And who else was twenty seven. The doors. The. Yeah. Marston twenty seven.

And then what's the name. Kurt Cobain. The English chick. Try to send me back to rehab. Oh. Yeah twenty seven. Thank God. If I had died at twenty seven they're like I remember that dude worked at Granger.

Yeah. I know. All right. Did a few open mics. Dropped down a law school. I met Rohan Marley one time. Oh yeah. Really.

And then. I met him too. He was in college. I was in high school. This was the time I went to a university. It was crazy. I went to a university. Miami.

Dude. And he was like five eight. Wow. And like and I heard the stories. Later that like when he got there and it was such a powerhouse school everybody was like coming from like rough places basically you know most people were coming from like you know poverty almost and then they're like this is Bob Marley's son. So he was you know they talked a lot of shit to him and then he ended up being just a fucking

wrecking ball. Just like. Because he played for him. He won a national championship. He probably was on a national title team. I don't know if he would have been on if he was on a title team it would have been 0 1. I don't know if he actually was on that team but he he fucked people up and I mean dude was like.

He might have played a war and sapping him. No. No. Is after that. He played after that. After. Yeah because I remember I was in I was in high school and he was on the team and I was on the field like in that with a bunch of high school kids right and he had on you know that

rampage chain where he wears like a bike lock around his neck. This is like 97 and Rohan had it around his neck because he wasn't playing that thing. I was like that dude has a bike lock around his neck or gold or just a bike lock. No it was like a bike lock and he had like a mesh see-through shirt which was super standard Jamaican. Yeah. And like. I had.

Standard Jamaican. It's intimidating as shit if you're like 17 in high school and then you see a dude with just like a fucking lock around his neck. Yeah. Who's that. They're like that's Bob Marley's son. Wow. And yeah he went on to I mean you know and then didn't he when you put something that

should be on a fence on your neck on your and where it's crazy because like rampage got famous for it. Right. The MMA guy. He was wearing that shit around his neck like walking into to the octagon right right fight and it's super intimidating. It's a tough look. I like it.

Like something that's supposed to keep people out. Yeah. You're wearing it as like body. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like you've got to be strong. So this is a grown ass man that is beating the shit out of people right.

If you click on that one the one that you're on like that dude is walking into the octagon with that around his neck and you're like what the fuck. It's a little W.W.W.F. of rampage. Yeah. But if you are in a if you're in a college football you're hilarious standing on the sidelines. You're in a scared straight program. Why is it twice.

We looked over I swear the whole all of us looked over like oh shit because he wasn't playing that day. He was just standing on the sidelines were like that dude he was serious he was injured like he was he was sitting out of the game but he started to intimidate. Yeah. Hell yeah. And it worked. We were like I guess we don't want to play college football yeah that was that was wild

man. I have an important question for you. When you go into the ocean or don't say man at the end of the month listen man everything is going to be I read OK. If you go in the ocean I'm assuming you do you grew up in Jamaica swim. Do you pee in the ocean or in a swimming pool. I can't swim. What.

Yeah. You're from Jamaica. And I have another black stereotype I know doesn't like dogs you know I know I remember right. Yeah that's true. That's accurate. That's accurate. It's not I don't like them.

I know what you mean. I got better with them but yeah I'm like I'll I'll avoid them if I can you're not into it. So you don't do you can't swim at all do you pee in the shower. I've done that before. Yeah. But you don't make it a regular adult. I definitely pee in the shower would you sit would you sit in like a three foot pool

like if it was you know I mean like I put my foot in there yeah and pissing it or no without pissing it. Yeah. Like would you be sitting let's say we're all hanging out. Yeah Jacuzzi Jacuzzi and you're having a drink having a water lemonade and then I'm like yeah man so later on we're going to go and you're like hold on wouldn't you just then pull your dick out and just piss in the pool. Everybody does.

Everybody does. I've seen girls do that. Of course we're talking about that. Yeah. But if we're all in a hot tub together right would you pee in the hot tub if we're all sitting in the hot tub. I mean I would feel okay the hot tub is different than a pool. It's a little different dynamic.

Yeah. It's way more intimate. Right. Yeah. So now I feel like it's disrespectful. Like if you're like hey Ian is closer to me than we are now are you going to piss on them. I'd be like no.

But you do it to me constantly. That's different you're my wife and you deserve it. So you pee in the hot tub when she's in it but you won't if I'm there. Well here's the other thing if we went on tour let's say we go on tour next month we do fucking 30 dates and then we come back and we're riding on this thing. So now we're really close then I'm pissing on you all the time. This is this is this is a respect because we're not there's a bond. Yeah.

There's a pissing bond. Absolutely. If we go on like a world tour together. Oh yeah. You're going to shit on me. I'll piss in a cub. I want you to try this. So if you were in a hot tub with Tom and myself would you pee you don't have to tell us if

you as you're doing it right. You can keep it a secret. No I wouldn't notice I would just be like that fucking guy's crazy and you know what though this is why I wouldn't do it because this is you learn things about your life compared to other people's life. Yeah. And there's certain people that can get away with shit that you can't really like if Tom did it fucking crazy Tom.

He pissed in the thing and if I did it that motherfucker pissed it and then it'll go around yeah in the negative way right fuck my shit up but what if I couldn't find out but what if nobody is that an Ian life thing. Does everything you do you feel like people are like man now I think there's some things like you know Tony Woods yeah yeah one time me and JB Smith was trying to get to the show we didn't have enough time to get there. We thought we didn't have enough time to get there so we weren't it was a last minute gig like in Tennessee we're in New York Tony Woods was like listen man I was in the military

we're here Tennessee's right there he's using his hand. You guys can get there this is eight hours yeah and we followed his advice and we didn't make it yeah but you know what that taught me that Tony Woods talks to himself like this and it works out for him every fucking time and that's what that taught me and it's like there's just certain things there's things I can get away with I remember this is like you know Will Silvins it's a comic in New York and it's like it's a long time ago and he'll just talk to girls like who you fucking bitch who you fucking bitch. It's a girl that he has a rapport with like yeah and he was like hit her on the ass and

this is back in it and she was like well you're so stupid yeah and then so I know these girls but I met them through Will so I'm like oh we're all friendly yeah right and I did it right after Will did it. I wanted to whoop my no no and then Will did it right after again yeah because it's Will there's certain guys get away with you like that 100% and then their story is man Ian is a savage yeah yeah yeah yeah fucking asshole yeah grab the pussies out here yeah grab the pussies yeah yeah and I just did it because I just thought you know I was stupid I was young yeah yeah and I'm like oh I guess yeah you can't you get away with a lot with me

just so you know you're this guy like in terms of uh dude like the first time he farted in front of me he was sitting in his box or shorts and he takes my hand puts it in his lap and farts that's the first time we, I respect that a thousand percent look I kind of do too it's an aggressive move yeah he's setting the tone this is who I am yeah so are you in are you out right and you roll with it and he's like shit let's get married yeah this works this is the one for me it's clearly the mother of my child yes yeah and then but it goes farther to he peas on me in the shower when we're showering together one time it smelled like coffee because he drank so much coffee and then he'll blow snot rockets in the shower as I'm there snot in his

beard yeah you're constantly being disgusting but you get away with it because you're you you think it's because it's me yeah but it's because it's me with you yeah because you're the type of person that that doesn't discuss right and you laugh and sure it's encouraging like you encourage him and he's like you're right you're fucking right yeah and it's just like I can be myself even more you know what I'm saying he wouldn't you that bound there is no boundary that's the problem Ian you're saying I could have stopped this it had I shown discussed a hundred percent but would you have wanted to know that's not how I am yeah that's why we worked out yeah he didn't hide it right he was he's like man I want to grab this woman's hand and she's like he wants me to

give him a hand job and he's like fart yep and you're like that's cool that's better than give him a hand job look there's plenty of women many that I met and it was myself with who were like oh yeah and then I'm just not married to them yeah but but but in return and you're in your whatever defense or whatever you let me be an animal yeah and I rip on my fart I burp and and you're really static a zero I've had so many boyfriends but I've had boyfriends in the past where I was trying to be me and they were disgusted and didn't work out and I'm a pig and I'm gross so like this is my boo he thinks this shit is sexy right like fuck it yep yeah which you tolerate your woman farting around you you know I can I sense that you're not the kind of guy

that would tolerate that sort of the girl that I'm you know dating right now yeah like like we have a lot of mean ass jokes yeah mean jokes and it's funny as shit a lot of you're not farting yeah but mean shit like what are you saying like like yeah today she's like I fucking kill you and I was fucking rolling yeah cuz I did something yeah you know said some ill shit but she can take a joke yeah and she can give a joke I remember that and it's just fun talk shit and it's like oh we could just be you know boundary list we talked about we've talked we continue to talk a lot of shit to each other oh that's beautiful yeah that's this is giving me chills I by the way yeah I swear to God and like I remember this to dream as a man threatening

violence I was like I'll put your fucking head through the corner of that dress and I go and it's because I love you that was a red flag yeah that was a red that was the one time with him where I was like I don't know if this guy's gonna work out cut the two children later oh my bad but I can say anything to him I do and I say everything and anything and that's beautiful it is nice yeah cuz that yeah I even tell you like if I have dreams and other people are involved or you don't judge he doesn't judge yeah yeah and that just makes the shit free man yeah yeah life is too short to hide you are from don't you feel like as the like we've been talking about a lot like you know obviously it's a day by day thing but like the older you get the more

you're just like don't fucking who cares like you just yeah you try to enjoy things that you enjoy yeah and say shit you want if I can yeah yeah yeah cuz I try to do that on stage is like yeah say the things that I want to say yeah and then when people come up to you after I can't believe you said that that was funny and I'm like I was like there's one joke I got right now somebody comes up to me and said amen I can't believe you said I said I was terrified to say what I'm just happy when people laugh you man I'm on what was the joke you are one of like five five comedians that I would buy a ticket to see yes me too you're so funny and if you have a chance you're out there I'm telling you you look like that you are other level

thank you well can you please can you just give me a take like can you tell them joke you opened on with your TED talk oh the joke which one did I open where now oh I said I said I said can I what I because I haven't done that material sorry I say can I just talk about anything can I say whatever and everybody's like yeah so when I watch bestiality video started out right what a great opener and I was locked in I was like this is the man for me you hooked me along I think the last time cuz you did do our podcast years ago yeah I brought up that I was at a show dude I remember it so vivid I'm gonna tell you something about that show really yeah go ahead should I make the point of the job and that so you did a joke I got it I was

like this dude you did a joke how how come all the lifetime movies oh yeah yeah yeah they always have a scene in a lifetime movie oh what can I say it or no no I forgot about that joke I'm just I'm doing oh shit because I forgot oh but can I say it yeah yeah you're like how come on these lifetime movies they always have the shower scene of like the girl who gets raped and she's just like you know sobbing in the shower but they never show the rapist and his shower I'm gonna bring that back I forgot about that that might be the greatest rape joke ever told well that's a really good rape joke it's a fucked up joke it's a fucked up joke it's so funny and it's also like when you're like I'm in the back of the improv I mean I just wanted to like I

wanted to grab something that one and you haven't oh yeah oh you know I know what you're gonna talk about I also remember I don't know what you don't forget what you were gonna say I remember specifically at the show you told the joke and it was one of those improv show on Melrose well there was like 50 people that you know I mean and and which by the way is like you know all the time and you tell it and then you were like you notice me like what's up with you and it was somebody that was upset a joke and you're like what like you are you upset and the guy was like yeah I am and you're like why he's like I just don't think it's very funny and you're like you know what you are you're a man cut I would have kept that you're like you fuck yeah it sounds like a

keeper yeah you gotta write some shit down yeah maybe yeah wait but tell the haircut or you tell the hair no but what were you gonna say about that show oh I thought he was talking about the haircut did I think it was in you know the super serious show or something like that yeah and then you had like a bunch of sketches yes and then did they you disperse them throughout the show and they had like a poster for that show and I got one from the show and then like when I moved to Los Feliz where I live now I made like a poster like it put it in a frame so like you're on my bathroom walls every time I'm taking a shit your name my name and a bunch of people who are on but it made a nice that's cool that's a nice story Reggie Watts was he on Reggie Watts was on there you this girl from

England I forgot her name right Felicia something but she's doing really good in England oh that's great and the something brothers though the Sklar brothers the the Walsh brothers the Walsh brothers wow for some reason made a great framed fucking post I remember that show remember that show yeah tell the fucking haircut Joe I mean I don't know if he wants to tell it can you tell it yeah yeah why I make it I say you know I don't remember it all so I can't say it I don't remember it just make them watch the special yeah I'm sorry is it on your special no it's not in the special but I'm watch the special I'm definitely bringing the rickshaw that's a great joke that's a great joke it's so funny to be targeting you hear that I especially can you imagine you told that joke

that was years ago doing it now it's gonna piss off it's gonna piss people off but it's a legit thought I'm not so it's perfect for now yes yeah yeah well the Joe is about the rapists it's not and it's not and it's not that he's condoning it I'm just saying running count like moving forward when you do that show how many people start walking like he won't be like right away so many woke people yeah maybe don't open on that one now that's a good table setter you want to start a show this is what it's gonna be you know who's in once they money back you can't leave later on oh man oh shit I forgot that is that fucking joke I went okay what is the Jamaican opinion I just cuz I've always been curious you see the ambassador now of course

no but he can tell me like oh that dude's like it all right Louie Rankin Louie Rankin yeah yeah I people respect him yeah yeah but I'm like out of reggae music shape right you know I'm saying like right I haven't even been really listening to reggae music the way I should and that's embarrassing to say but I mean it's tough for me to like Louie Rankin but as an artist as an artist yeah yeah he was the shit is he really like a tough dude like as I can't even remember now Louie Rankin wait he was in belly yes yes yes he's projected I saw him in an interview I was like this dude looks like no no he's from a lot of them regular artists they from the real deal he seemed like he did an interview with somebody that I saw somewhere it was like maybe it was in

reference to belly and he was basically in character from I believe rate of flexible I believe in the interview Louie Rankin I don't know how old he is now he's up there grandfather yeah he's probably a little older than me you know yeah no he's definitely but yeah that's okay so yeah but legit they probably just told him to just curse somebody out and recorded that scene for belly yeah yeah yeah me he's I mean I bought it yeah I bought it so we love playing clips of things that we find here is a guy just an interesting guy doing interesting stuff he'll be on this this screen here for you I was wondering why that was frozen yeah that guy's very cool too this is a different guy yeah cuz you don't know how to use a phone I don't got to go ahead keep talking keep

talking I'm a motherfucker hell yeah keep talking I'm not the one who doesn't have money what's up with that no neck what are you talking about what animal is he that's okay that's a manatee he's a manatee oh that's what a manatee looks like that's like what a manatee looks like yeah no maybe a badger yeah a badger a manatee badger a manatee badger if this was in Florida it's definitely a manatee you may have morphed out of the water but he's mobile he can move faster than a manatee he's evolved from something out of the ocean yeah like a salamander do you think he used to power lift like 30 years ago and then just stop lifting maybe yes he's like one of those creatures that is there's there's no neck no it's like a Batman villain or some shit like yeah it looks like a

pumpkin on some shoulders I'm sure this is the police by the way go ahead all right go ahead I'm calling the police on your show them the video and they're gonna gladly be happy what type of story is he in I think it's a high-end phone cell phone place how you on cell phone Beverly Hills or Hamptons or something like it is a cell phone place I think yeah it's a weird place because it's bulletproofed off that's yeah it might speak about phones it's about I know but it's it looks nice so it doesn't look hood so I'm confused it is confusing I'm with you I mean cuz it's like you also basically can put together a scenario he's like hey how come my phone's not working and they're like you know how you don't pay your bill ever they're mad at him and then he's just

like fuck you like that's definitely what's what's happening here so go ahead I'm gonna show the police that's perfect that out literally that's beautiful I think you might have a hint of yeah he doesn't have the haircut I know now why you want to be the show sorry this is what I ruined it I'm not tick-tock you can say tick-tock instead of yeah okay police is gonna see this they're gonna love this phone oh yeah from who you yeah wonderful I'd love to see that happen I'd love to see that happen I think they're both tick-tocked I love to see that happen his voice is a little on if he got in that car started driving I'd be I'd be out yeah yeah I mean that's the kind of thing where like I saw there was no more videos but if that

truck was hit I was like he's definitely gonna back up and like destroy and probably just by accident right right right just because do you think he's touched do you think he's the really is something that going on yeah yeah because that's the first guy I've ever seen where has down syndrome body you know saying yeah like normally it's just in this region yeah the whole thing but then the head was like just different right but it's different like I think most of it went into the body then yeah so you're saying that like you know it's almost like you put a pill in the water it dissolved yeah went down yeah so you don't see that the surface anymore right and you see there's still some of it in the eyes right you're like it's at the bottom of

the cup yeah I know who he looks like remember Hellraiser those Hellraiser move there's a Cenobite that looks just like yes oh yeah yeah so maybe the whole thing is if he has some type of development only maybe he just can't figure it out how to pay his bill that's why he's in there you guys are reading way too much he just shouldn't be handling the shit by himself yeah he needs a handle I can't take her somebody to come in you know who could maybe care take him is my nigga ain't done cooling what you want to it's cold as a motherfucker out here kid why you out here butt ass neck with a crack pipe in your hand and you got a stem in your hand son that's real life right there bro imagine if him and the cell phone guy got together yeah he's

got a toddler rod to this guy my form is in doing is that a shadow or that's them would you what you smoking be crack his hands in his ass yeah that's why all that happens kept his shoes and socks on yeah you gotta go sometimes you gotta go I just get his pants off I just like how focused he is yeah like why are you in listen this guy's out here normally when people pull up and he's tells him he's trying to get fucked yeah yeah they're in or they're out right right still there you're still there right so now he has to keep repeating the sales pitch it's all he's it over and over and over to see like what's up are you game and they might be a car behind you yeah that open to the sales I just get the fuck out of here with

little like Instagram video whatever you're trying to make with the lecture cuz I'm trying to get fucked yeah now I am thankful though for the driver and for providing us with the video true that you know so he did it was a certain amount of bravery there yeah yeah it's a service like he helped us out for sure I don't know if I could stand that long in front of some guy with his hand in his ass that's the added like I've never seen that and also to ask a crack head with his hand up his ass hey why are you standing out here naked with a hand up you think he's gonna give you reasonable answer you see a crack pipe in his hand you got it you got the answer yeah ask yeah now he's like you see this yeah so do you want to get fucked yeah cuz the money that I'm gonna

take for you fucking me yeah this is what I want to do more this shit crack and make funny things maybe she looks good she looks just put together look skinny I'm like that she's not yeah she's not fat you know what I think about when I see this is that how useless of a snack sunflower seeds are that's that's what you're taking from yeah like I like the idea of them and it's just a tiny morsel it's not even a nut right Ian right they're useless I guess you know the handful of them but then you got to do all the work to not open the the salty I like the salty shell right and there's a tiny little lot of work a lot of work for nothing those sunflower seeds yeah I'm really into the the racist parking lot lady because here's the thing about about being racist on camera that I'm

fascinated with is that like when it's cell phone it's like you know you're being recorded so you have to it's like we're talking about how you either have to like want the audience let you go like are you doing it in spite of the camera or for the camera right you know I mean because obviously this person's angry yeah what's your theory you see you crossed the line you don't know a damn thing go back to China where you belong she can't get in her car yeah you give the people a bad name here we hate you people go back where you belong jeez that's you fucking cunt damn it's intense she's just a racist ass lady yeah yeah I know but don't you think that all those thoughts would like if you if you saw someone like this you'd be like I should probably that's when that's when

you're just so arrogant yeah you're feeling the you're like I'm so white what are you gonna do yeah even with a camera right you know you know they used to be like marches and more fuckers used to sit their dogs and shit on people yeah with the TV you know that's an NBC camera right yeah but you just don't give a fuck yeah but the embarrassing thing is this entrance into the car is so unsmooth yeah that's when I'd be like hey could you turn the camera off so I can just don't listen you can use the chinky-chinky part but just please just cut it off before I'm really struggling look at her neck don't embarrass me yeah with my car entrance right because she's so fast she can't get in she can't shimmy in yeah this is embarrassing this entrance like you are not a smooth

you know what you give them she's stuck my neck is she's choking nice it's embarrassing it's embarrassing that's embarrassing that's so true see right the arrogance it's the arrogance is what it is to be recorded and then be like fuck her and she leaves fine and then they're like a local teacher at Montgomery High School today like because that lady definitely has some job this lady works yeah and that and now she doesn't work there yeah exactly but she did park over the line her parking job is terrible she did a terrible job yeah of course she did yeah it's funny it's like she didn't want to be called out yeah she's trying to get away with something and maybe the racism came out like suppose it was

another white person right who's car it's like you know it's yeah then it would just be you fucking cunt fucking cunt yeah or a fat piece of shit yeah skinny piece of shit sure yeah yep interesting yeah it's really good analogy from you but it is fucking embarrassing that that shit right there that feels worse yeah that's yeah that'd be funny if she apologized for that you know i mean if she came out she was like i saw the video i am absolutely devastated i you know i was so close to the other car i had things in my hand i feel like i was going to choke on the door handle and i looked like an idiot and i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i actually blamed a person who parked next to me for the exit of that video what an asshole yeah um by the way

so i didn't ask you blue band but like what's going on here what's going on yeah not a kidnap one hitch i'll give you a hitch i just need to get my stuff out my car is right here then you guys can take it all right okay so i can take the car okay until i get my stuff out you can take the car can't take it this second okay so what's going on for people who don't know a guy who's finishing around a golf is uh he's just he's on the golf cart that he obviously rented from the course and then he's surrounded he put he put this post up he's surrounded by orthodox jewish kids and that kid's like then give me give me this cart and then he's like all right after i get my stuff off and the guy's like come on like give it to me and i of course reached out

to you you're the authority on jewish kids ian already told us how jamaicans are so okay but we were texting like what's going on here uh i mean it's kind of hard to tell exactly what's going on here but i mean these are just classic classic orthodox a group of classic orthodox jewish people and what do you mean by that what that was your immediate response you're like yeah of course i'm like what are you talking about i mean you know a lot of people don't like i mean jewish people like some people don't like jewish people but right we do a show with but all jewish people hate orthodox people oh really yeah they just take and they take and as you could see in this video they just take and take and take and they give nothing back

so like normally when you see that large of a group of orthodox jewish men they're asking you if you're jewish because they need like a tenth jewish person to do a prayer or something really yeah so oh in this case these orthodox jewish they're kids this probably started with like hey can we like go on a ride with you on the golf cart and then he misunderstood something and like they asked for an inch and then they understood they could probably take a mile really and you think that's a cultural thing that's a jewish thing it's an orthodox and orthodox jewish thing it goes on i'm taking i'll give you the key when i get my shit out okay you guys aren't stealing stealing my stuff yeah i'll give you the key they're like gypsies thank you i will when i get

demanding the key and they're all on the cart they're very aggressive yeah damn that is legit like gypsies in europe but they're like give me your stuff you're like don't i don't give me my shit i remember one time i was it was my birthday and i was going to a dinner and i i had parked in front of a it was somewhere somewhere in our life forget the neighborhood like a tarot card reading place tarot card okay and i uh i out this uh this gypsy came out and he was like he was like come in here and i was like oh no i i gotta go he's like where i was like i'm going to dinner he was like i gotta show you something and i was like what what and then i go in there and i was like oh i don't i don't want any of this i don't want my palm read i don't want anything and they're

like we just made some food and yeah the guy and they were they were actually cooking up food there and he just like puts a plate in front i go i'm actually on my way there he's like try a bite and i go but i don't want anything like i i want to leave and he's like take a bite and i go all right so i take a bite i go it's really good he's like it's good right i go yeah he's like take another bite i'm like all right i go that's really good i don't want to eat too much here because i'm going to dinner and he was like well they're like come here and let us like read your palms and i was like oh no no no no and they're like just like 20 bucks dude it's like a hard pressed mango no no no i i gotta go and it and i felt the funny thing is like psychologically i felt like i was disrespected

exactly like i felt almost like giving the 20 to just and i was like no i gotta go on there like i mean you're just you're eating our food right it was a whole like plate that's nasty but then so when nadav comes back on here hold on watch guys are going crazy let's do this guys look at this what are they saying what are they saying that's not here go trip are they speaking yiddish so they don't give a fuck oh shit see you later damn it's wild dude yeah they really gang up on you that's so funny this white boy right here has never seen anything like this no so if it's

so if like somebody that's not jewish doesn't like orthodox jews they can for this reason they're still considered anti-semites i don't know being anti-sematic what do you think nadav you're the yeah this is your domain i mean i'll allow it i think yeah just check it my favorite is like nadav said it's cool tonight whenever whenever we have like you know some type of work done here at like hey man i need someone to look at the air conditioning i'm like did you call somebody he's like yeah first guy was really i hung up on him so i'm gonna call this other guy damn well that's true i don't trust my own tribe either if a hungarian were to show up at the house to fix some shit like no push buh-bye east european yeah never not in my fucking house no way are you

the same way uh i'm just like with what i mean like let's say you know i need an electrician jamaican guy he's like every month what's happening don't worry be i'll trust him i'll trust him to do that yeah you're right well in jamaicans they have 10 jobs isn't that the other yeah that's the other oh that's the other one when they come over here they get a lot of jobs some yeah what about selling you something selling me something so like like my mom's peruvian and anyone latin american is going like oh you're trying to buy a car or she should be like we're going somewhere else from there immediately should be like i'm not i don't trust this guy at all it depends on the type of jamaican person but most i i mean that's that's not our stereotype you know what i

mean to be hustlers i mean yeah i don't think that's our stereotype yeah yeah yeah i'm i can't think of what this stereotype is that i'd be like nah you'd be like no but but that's like buying or selling or fixing things you're cool with it yeah yeah yeah you trust them yeah all right well um where you're gonna be on the road this is not gonna come out today it comes right but the website is it e and f was comedian dot com e and f was comedian dot com um or i guess you can go to like runtings rude boys that net rude boy reggae dot com isn't that and then she's a rude boy go to go to brah brah brah brah brah brah brah it's irie ganjaman dot com no e and of course comedian dot com i'm telling you right now if you enjoyed just the brief snippet of joke

that we gave you on this that is he is the fucking best thank you should go and watch ideas what ideas you shouldn't it's called e and talk e and talk ideas not worth spreading e and talk ideas that were spreading go to the comedy central check it out there um thanks for coming brother my pleasure thanks e and this is funny shit love you yeah yeah we'll see you come back right if you're a hot black guy and you want to fuck me in 23.95 if you're a hot black guy and you want to fuck me in 23.95 if you're a hot black guy and you want to fuck me in 23.95

if you're a hot black guy and you want to fuck me in 23.95 if you're a hot black guy and you want to fuck me in 23.95