Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 526-Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: November 21, 2019

All the Mommies are under one roof once again! When's the last time you played Tic Tac Toe? Bet you haven't played like this. A new celebrity has joined Instagram and he is putting out some serious Garth vibes. Plus, are you single or self-involved? And, Tom gets a new idea for the future from Cars singer Ric Ocasek. Since Tom has returned from the road with Josh Potter in tow, we have the Cockroach on the couch to recap all of the gallivanting across Europe. Tom and Josh tell Christina their experiences in each country and we find out the conclusion to Josh's escapade we were previously teased about. Plus, MJC contest winner Jackie and Josh Potter have since gotten together, we get her whole review of the occasion and we hear about Tom's NETFLIX special taping in Austin, TX.

and we're back we're back guess who's back guess who's back jeans are back guess who's back I missed you so much I missed you too I was sitting there I was down I was by the mountain hello this is Captain Marcel my sister went down I'm going down to the mountain oh boy um she's been doing a lot lately I went down there and I got my sister and now I'm back so it's really good to be back it's funny I've actually really really missed you know this show what about me the show is such a special thing to me you know I think about the people that are here Nadav, Annie, Josh, Chris seeing them again being near them has brought

me a joy a happiness I haven't felt in a month so it's great to be back boys I missed you and I love you and there they are so I would say it was a combination of Nadav, Annie, Josh and Chris. Wow what about and could you rank the people you've missed? The people that I've missed the most I would say who's the most you missed? Annie and Nadav tied for one then Chris second Josh I was with a good bit so I couldn't miss him as much but those would be the four primary people I've missed the most in my hiatus yeah okay hey so it's good to see you again haven't seen you in a while I missed you too I missed you I'm sorry I

forgot that you were here I missed you so much I missed you a lot and I missed hanging out and doing this show it's so much fun to do with you it really is I actually think a good break is good for the show you know yeah recharges your batteries so many exciting things well I found myself re-listening to our I don't really listen to our show a whole bunch but just because I missed you and I missed our dynamic on the show and the guys and I was re-listening Robert Paul Champagne ejaculate on YouTube I really I really enjoyed it it was yeah yeah that was good yeah okay forget how fun it is yeah I'm gonna come yeah yeah I'm

gonna come now and then he goes yeah he's awesome well this is one of the things I got to say it on tour every night and people went bananas as we're recording this show it's not in the store but it will be on the store the moment the show comes out but if you go to merchmethod.com slash Tom Segura you'll notice that those of you who ordered Sioux shirts were refunded immediately because well the police don't think it's good yes to wear them but I was very bummed out and I don't even know if the guys know this but as of midnight tonight so like I said it's not even up there as I'm recording but it

will be up there by the time you listen to this merchmethod.com slash Tom Segura there is a new shirt of a non-descript Asian woman named Sue Wu and this way you can wear the shirt and not have to worry about any gang repercussions yeah and if anybody gives you a hard time just say it's your realtor or you know your music teacher that inspired you or something so those will be in the store and everybody's excited about them there's also new shirt we did another iteration of Sioux you're just going doubling down no no it's a lady named Sue no I got it Wu there's also Tata their tic-tac those are hitting the store at

midnight oh that's so exciting I didn't even know that exactly and there's the new cool mom shirt from a big inspiration from where my mom's at let me tell you it is flying off the shelves and I designed this shirt with the mom bod in mind you'll notice it's very very soft the neckline it's a scoop neck because everybody looks better and that the sleeve cuts at the least fattest part of your arm and the length is perfect and it doesn't it's not tied on your tummy exactly what you need I plan this just for now it's brilliant yeah it's great you're gonna love it we did a a reorder of the thick boy nation shirt from two

bears one cave and a lot of people have asked me about the about the posters that have been at the shows every time that there's overstock to get shipped back to our store they're all autographed so there's from different tour runs that I've done those are there and if you were in Austin a lot of people asked me about there were special shirts made for Austin special posters as soon as those get back they'll be up there that'll probably be within a week or so but really excited about Sue Wu and Tata there tick-tock oh I'm real excited yeah I'll be in the store and we're very excited about it what else there's a

lot going on there's so much to get into I shot another special I know we'll get into that in Austin that was a lot of fun have a fun recap of that Europe I tell you all about Europe we'll bring Josh out for that lot going on but we should probably get our show started right mm-hmm let's kick it off here we go hey you want to play tick-tock tell my face man tick-tock so then you put X X oh yeah welcome to your mom's house you having a nervous breakdown yeah you know what I like about this is that he

managed to make tick-tock toe sexual yeah he's like yeah you gotta you gotta X yeah you gotta oh I've never heard someone go yeah you want to play yeah how did he do that he also has got like this cool head wrap on but the video doesn't end there did you think it ended there wait hold on let's let's start from the beginning cuz I want to really walk through these and also we should tell people people after we we showed his famous what's the title of that video it's five two seven seven one eight four C dash six seven one that one oh my life that one the next day YouTube took his countdown but and

people were really bummed out he's back on YouTube oh thank God he is back and he is on Instagram and he's a hold on we had some maybe better lighting but this is still great but I'm happy I'm happy he's he's dressed like lovey howl right from Gilligan's Island didn't lovey wear a turban but who's the guy that wears a turban now what's the guy the black guy on America's Got Talent oh Nick Cannon Nick Cannon oh he's got a Nick Cannon turban on Nick has been wearing that for a minute yeah he's like this is the this is what I'm doing but he's cute he can pull it off he can pull it off great it's um I like the pink one with the

rhinestones it's wild but yeah he does this hmm I don't know is this religious stuff is he has he just remember there was a story he he he started doing this I remember I heard on the radio one day and they were like he's committed to it I forget the reason though I don't know it's got to be religious right it's not religious no no no and he is just like a black guy thing it is yeah I'm sorry a black guy thing like yeah like okay no it's like this is this is like a real black guy it's definitely just a Nick Cannon thing oh okay well I mean thanks any all right I don't know I mean that could be a black guy thing a cool black

guy thing could be like a do rags that you don't see many white guys wearing do rags it's a cool black you definitely don't see a lot of white guys wearing do rags no I hope and he starts wearing do rags I mean sorry turbines no no turbines oh turbines yeah yeah yeah how much to get any to wear a Nick Cannon turban he would wear it I think he could pull it off much yeah you want me to wear one to a magic castle sure anyway he's wearing the lovey howl Nick Cannon turban he's wearing that and he goes you want me to play tick-tock yeah you want to play tick-tock kill my face man tick-tock so what do you guys think he's

watching X X oh yeah yeah so so he lost you know he lost his own round of tic-tac-tac X X oh oops you beat me it's like it's like playing tennis by yourself do you want to write something else on them okay here we go you want to put you want to put pig on me man yeah pig yeah let me know man pig yeah pig yeah let me know guys man yeah yeah I'm gonna come how much trauma do you think happened I mean a lot but you know there's there's a lot of talk of one friend of ours dr. Drew wants to actually meet up I know and I can't imagine why I think it'd be great I would love for them to meet up you think I mean only if it could be helpful I

mean do what if RPC sees Drew's body and he's like I kind of need you to sit a little closer that's true cuz Drew is using great yeah he looks maize yeah writing pig on his as they're talking it sounds like and it sounds like circus music is playing in the background there's a yeah there's probably just some background TV I've never seen somebody do this yeah you want to play tick-tock on my face yeah right pig on my chest you want to see something real cool that I found RPC that you might like mm-hmm okay morning my Instagram friends this is gonna be the start of the roughest three days of July according to the

long-range weather forecast I've seen Thursday being the very worst one supposed to get in the low 90s today and Friday it's supposed to be just coming up short of it but that's bad enough wait a minute now this was found on Instagram yeah I'm a little upset because this should be on TikTok yeah if he wants to garner a following I mean that's not the right platform for this kind of what do you think going on we describe to the listeners what's going on well he's a shirtless larger gentleman he's got a really hefty second chin that's resting on his chest you don't even see his neck which is amazing

and he's kind of hairy yeah very rotund he's got thick eyebrows I don't know what the teeth situation yeah but he's also he's got a lot of awareness like he's talking about what the weather is gonna be like I mean he's you know today is the day I'm gonna be calling Leonardo's to have one of them Nicole bacon cheeseburger paradise large pizzas delivered to my place do not need a large pizza add some extra toppings no you don't already comes with onions but I'm still gonna add to it garlic anchovies spinach and artichokes and make sure they put a whole wheat crust them you know for the base right that's gonna

get my fiber in my diet sure I love this I live for this stuff oh yeah me too I love weird stuff man what do you fiber in my diet but what is it is this just like is he's is he on the spectrum is he artistic I don't think so well no he's just I mean you know he's actually just kind of in his own world I think like he he's lived the life that he's lived and probably discovered social media like a year ago yeah like cool to like put something out there and you get a response yeah because my tiktok feed that generally it's for shut-ins and people that are generally more marginalized in society but now that

they found an outlet yeah it's like special for them yeah I think so I mean like this guy is just he's actually probably pretty content yeah you know I'm serious I think he enjoys he enjoys the out I I'm saying I think he enjoys the outlet that social media provide because he doesn't think of it the way most of us do for him this is like oh I have friends out there like people are hitting like people are commenting things you know I mean like yeah man fibers good for you you know like they're just like go get that pizza Al or whatever his name and then he's just like oh this is fun you know that you know that he's

being mocked by two dickheads on a podcast he definitely doesn't know that right now he'll find out yeah I mean like I know I'm not I'm not trying to like I don't want to bully the guy I just like course not it's an amazing video yeah no I got that Potter shoulder hair see it over there I love it yeah yeah who does he look like he looks like a cartoon villain I also want to give a shout out to my nice neighbors who helped me in out of a dire the woman with my injured knee to help me get my groceries into my apartment they always have injuries the morbidly obese yeah there's always a lot of my knees are well

yeah there's a reason your knees hurt you know you're carrying a lot of extra stuff and can't move my legs anymore at least I got the whole wheat crust so I get my fiber in my diet and yeah he's a motorized scooter now it's definitely not gonna amputate my legs from diabetes oh yeah no yeah gladiator that guy that guy's not doing well I'm upset this guy's not on tiktok I feel like I'd follow him Jesus Christ oh my god the fuck is that so John Travolta has been doing the social media thing on Instagram and I just love it when like

older people don't know how to do and like it's I don't know it's the most unnatural can we see the videos cuz he'll be like hi oh we've played some of his yeah I know it's just getting weirder there's like the family vacation stuff and his vacations are not like our vacations you know yeah Sandy I thought you're going back to Australia here I am in Sydney I can't find you hope you're gonna be in the meet and greece and West Palm Beach on the 13th and Tampa on the 14th and Jackson on the 15th I can't keep doing this Sandy Sandy

oh it's so embarrassing do you ever feel so embarrassed for somebody like it hurts oh man I've been searching high and low for a living Newton John I started at the highest building in the world in Dubai but I'll tell you if she doesn't show up tonight I know where she will show up at the meet and grease in Florida West Palm Beach on Tampa on the 14th meet and greets wait why is he doing meet and greets it's only because you need money yeah but doesn't John Travolta have a night I don't know I thought I don't know he was like nine planes yeah that's what I mean sell a plane and then you don't have to do these

greets you're like fuck it I'll do the meet and greet go up up up to the vacation stuff with his fan up further up no I mean look at him and he's having a vacation he's on a yacht yeah it's great but he's got to do the meet and greet in Tampa the meeting greet thing is so weird keep going yeah I mean what is this now he's riding a camel in Dubai or whatever falconry is one of the biggest sports in Dubai like dude yeah no he's just a weird guy so weird of course but I have okay this theory I've never been disproven on this being insanely famous fucks with you yes it's just there's no way to navigate through

life in a normal here's why it is unnatural to become super super super famous yeah it's just it's an unnatural no one's supposed to be world famous like psychologically it's just not supposed to happen right right there's seven billion people in the world this level of fame happens to like 200 people and so there's no playbook on how to like they're just you know I don't in a way I don't blame them it's like look at like the most extreme example would have been like a Michael Jackson right like where you remember like at a certain point you're like the fuck is up with this guy like yes he behaved in such

crazy way but it also he you know there was a time where he would get off a plane and a hundred thousand people would cry and scream like I don't know what that does to you over time well yeah a hundred percent being adored that much is weird it's so weird and for not really who you are but the thing you're doing right and not only that you're so removed from day to day experiences yes John Travolta can't go down to Ralph's no and by you know a pumpkin for Halloween for his kids like that's that is over for you like imagine not even being able to go and go to a Starbucks that's what I'm saying it's like it's

not cool and then you lose contact with everyday people and things and then you become so insulated I think in your little world yeah get weird with a Falcon today yeah I guess there are some benefits to it you know yeah well you know you don't have to fight disease like everybody else that's so true you know that is so true like magical Johnson magical Johnson when he got HIV everybody was like he'll be dead in a week yeah that's like at the time what happened to people yeah cuz he got it he was one of the first public cases and then he he kind of she went backstage with some of the doctors and he was

like I don't think you understand I have a few hundred million dollars and they were like oh no like HIV doesn't kill people but it kills poor people and he was like that's what I thought well cuz I remember magical was drinking these like shakes mm-hmm that they that were just an astronomical amount of money per shake and they're like like extra protein it's got like banana butter it's got like a uranium from Russia yeah and it kept him alive I'm telling you these it was some cocktail that he would be taking I want to know about this shake it was a cocktail it was a special it was called like the cocktail really it was

very early in HIV treatment and I remember being in the news that it cost yeah I want to say it was 90 it was called a 91 that he came and he was taking it was called a cocktail and that was yeah how does he survive 20 years with HIV and might be there well do you remember also that a few years ago they were like there's no HIV detected in his in his blood that's I mean I don't even know he doesn't he does not test HIV positive anymore that's amazing and then that wild it is wild I don't know how that's this guy was H and then they're like not anymore now and cookie never got it either now cookie has actually like an

immunity to it was crazy as the as like studies progressed about HIV they found that some people have like their own genetic makeup makes them unable to basically get it it's amazing it just so happened that she like a guy is married to a woman named cookie I know it's weird magic and cookie but also can't get HIV that's amazing they're meant to be together Tom I know could you imagine could you even imagine though your husband bringing home HIV and you're like that's okay we'll just stay together I mean cookie stay with magic she did they're still together yeah I know I'd be super pissed well how pissed I don't

know but then again maybe cookies like it's a few hundred million dollars I'm not that yeah I mean then why don't they divorce I always I'm like yeah but if you divorce magic you get half of stuff and then you get the kids and she like some I don't think I would like you after you brought on me I'd be like I'm sorry Jesus you ever heard of saying I forgive you oh my god I don't know how I could how what do you mean babe that's kind of unforgivable why you're immune that's lucky though that's just a kawanki dick what if I weren't then I'd be like here take my shake he just got lucky that he defeated this I know but

I'd be like look you can get the treatment too why don't we go together spa day you know let's go have some relax babe you would murder me and the guy that gave it to me if you brought HIV home yeah who would die first the guy who gave it to me or me probably the guy yeah because I would be like that's so fucked that you the guy almost almost 100% knowingly did it yeah you know well well the thing is a lot of times these things can happen unknowingly which is obviously terrible but like if you knowingly do it that they'll charge him well the charge with attempted murder well did you ever hear that thing

that Charlie sheen he has a yeah he's fucking other level he's crazy but he said that he told these women that he was having sex with that he was HIV because it and then put them under the care of his doctor yeah I mean that's like a whole that's a level of rich and famous delusion and addiction oh yeah he's a crack addict he's like there's a doctor here at the house but you're not gonna get it right here and then these chicks to to be like I don't know HIV I know it's the baddest thing you can get it's not it's not good here's 10 grand all right your life yeah it's crazy it's pretty gnarly well look speaking of

like super famous I mean we've always said that like you know it can make you fucking weird right yeah and we've we've we've pointed out a few times that our buddy well I guess it's official I really wasn't sure about this at the start right in front of mine said something they just made all kinds of sense she said think of it more as a conversation I like that I mean it couldn't be more weird right creepy there's nobody in your personal life who would make an announcement like that like it's it's just a super famous guy who's trying to be relatable he's doing the best he can and you know whatever I don't know if

he's killed anybody but the thing is he has the there's a new addition to social media who's also very famous and couldn't be more inauthentic and awkward and that is Oscar award-winning actor Matthew McConaughey when people go to my page I wanted to see see me but this is my first venture into sharing myself and my views with the world and I'm a little bit nervous about it oh yeah are you so to posting because quite frankly I'm I'd like I know I want to have a monologue I'm not sure I want to have the dialogue I'm not sure what the inappropriate laugh but I've learned that you got to have the dialogue to have

the monologue just as you have to have a monologue to have the dialogue so I'm looking forward to what is going on what's going on what is happening here what is happening forward to is he mentally sharing who I am with you I'm looking forward to seeing if well if who I am translates if what I want to share translates translate it was your funny bone makes you think a second makes your heart swell up a little bit oh my he's got a complex take quite a moment for a walk go I gotta check in with him in the E with the M in the E hopefully all those things let's have some fun with it though and let's let's again let's keep the high

eye not low eye high eye he is insane I think he is mentally ill I mean is Matthew Hanahan out of his mind think of your rolodex of people you deal with and then I was like yeah not reminds me a crag a lot like you're out of your fucking mind I think he's yeah he's something's wrong I don't know if if I can really think of the time when you know I had a monologue it wasn't a dialogue but anyways you know and I hope what I say translates tickle your funny bone check in with the M in the M in the E the M and the E I mean who even thinks this way this guy is on another planet yeah he's fucking crazy check in with him and the

E this is a level like like you were saying of fame and delusion where nobody has said anything remotely negative like you know when there people are afraid to criticize talent like we've had that happen where you're on a set and you could be doing something so ridiculous it's not working but they're so afraid of just being like hey Tommy Christina this isn't working or you may want to change the outfit you're wearing yeah doesn't look good right and when you're at that level people tippy-toe around you oh the can you imagine him being like I want to do this for this scene and being the director being like

I don't know if that really makes no sense and then he's like yeah yeah I'm doing it and they're like all right yeah I'm an artist and that's when you really believe this nonsense I mean artist I think Captain Marcel is less crazy than I think you're yeah it's a Marcel very down to high I that's low I and like all these I mean that's not even like a really creative funny thing you know that's something he says all imagine taking a walk in like in your day to think about something because you're like I was I was watching this and really made me think about life you know Matthew McConaughey yeah he was he

was really mmm it tickled my funny bone and then I decided I had to check in check in with you know but then again I mean what do we expect from that part's insane that's insanity but what do we expect from people who play make-believe for a living like I think too we're expecting actors to be thoughtful thought-provoking introspective types and they're not like they're attractive people yeah that have a specific skill of playing make-believe yeah playing pretend that's exactly right and and they're crazy because of it they got to have they got especially when they're especially when they're good at it he's

so good that's what I'm saying the best actors are like they're professional chameleons they're actually like professional psychos yeah so yeah but then you see like one who seems like oh no it's a skill set but I'm not that I would say that would be like a Meryl Streep oh you see here in an interview and she's just like oh you're like a you seem like a kind of put-together lady she's grounded yeah and then you get this fucking psycho well and don't forget to a very attractive man yeah that is a superpower yeah like women get hit on constantly we've had we get sexual attention all the time but when a man

gets it yeah they don't even know what to do right bless your talented oh oh I mean this guy has got too much power right in the world exactly so he doesn't even know what to do with himself when he's not even a person he asked these guys to film this to imagine oh my god man I'm gonna be here I'm just gonna say like you know I don't know if I'm ready to share and they're just like yeah Matt had an idea does he have more posts or is this the first he has some other like what else is he doing I gotta follow him on the gram yeah I'm afraid oh my god but this made a big splash everybody was talking about this video because it was

so nutty he's already got 1.7 million followers I mean he's got some stills and then is that script notes is that what we're seeing right there with the glasses that's kind of what it looks like right what's this say anything process process wow process could you imagine if we did that with our comedy stuff like here's my here's my well that's the difference we're not we're not allowed to really well you know I'm saying like it's like comedy you you can't be that sincere no you can have a sincere process right you can't be like this is how I do it because people would be like fuck is wrong with you man yeah I'd like

I know I want to have a monologue I'm not sure I want to have the dialogue the maniacal laughter keep the high I not the low I oh my goodness it's so unbelievable you know what the thing is what fame does to you it gives you the delusion that that is significant to say you know I mean right when you like when you say keep the high I not the low I and there's a group of people standing around him laughing and right then they go like do you hear when Matt said that was pretty fun cool huh and then we're in reality like if you said that I'd be like once you shut the fuck up with that yeah no one cares yeah well some crazy

guy on tiktok could say that yeah like this guy's out of his fucking yeah yeah keep the high I'm like okay so I can take a shit keep your high up your ass Jesus Tommy yeah but what did you look in it all right now I'm just making sure we got this we got that thing coming in you've been CC'd on it okay the thing to download don't worry it'll be it'll be it'll be coming soon it's just a special treat for who well it's I can give you a teaser for it because actually oh yeah because we're recording this and it'll come out yeah yeah yeah so I should just say it now so you remember like a few months back Bert made

a dance video yeah I do I do well a lot of people don't know this but Tommy made a dance for it too I do know this and it's being sent over at the moment it's very exciting you've been working on this for a while now yeah when Bert posted his I remember the caption it said one word dash dash dash wow and I watched it and I was very critical of it on this show only for the fact that because he sucks at dancing mm-hmm and I was bothered that people said that it was good when it's terrible so I made a dance video and I'll just say that the caption I already have it chosen what is it the caption is going to say two

words dash dash dash no mercy wow so it'll be on my YouTube page it'll be on my Instagram it'll be on Twitter check it out so it's an exclusive it's exclusive we're very excited about it and I can't wait to see the finished product yeah yeah I'm very happy with my life so a lot going on oh and also I should just mention to those of you who may not know I've been posting a lot more to my personal YouTube page so if you go to YouTube type in Tom Segura go to my personal page I posted a lot of videos from like sober October you know flying a plane driving a car the Porsche experience shooting range I even did

this sweat house thing with Bert it was a lot of fun I'm just saying that if you're looking for that content I've been putting it up I've been paying attention to that page I looked at the sweat lodge one it was really funny yeah and I heard a rumor that you were talking shit about Leanne and I at the sweat lodge you know and I want I watched it hoping to see you guys talk some shit and didn't remember that oh I thought you did I'm so upset I mean I'm not saying it's impossible but I don't remember doing that on there okay Bert talks a lot more shit about me yeah anyways we kind of hey thank you for

joining because this is a real gift we're really excited to watch you so also in the time we were gone Emma Watson came out with an announcement and I'm sure you guys have heard this she said that she's self-partnered mm-hmm and not in a relationship she is self-partnered yeah and it's a bummer because I really like her and I think she's stunning and talented but it's is it ironic do you think she meant it jokie jokes or this is a real it's Ernest yeah she's a sweet girl beautiful to her mind absolutely beautiful woman yeah I mean it's like we pay attention to famous people because they're famous I mean this

is a stupid fucking thing to say it sure is nobody nobody would if you worked at the grocery store and you're like yeah self-partnered they'd be like you know that that mentally ill person in the deli I think we might have to let her go she says she's self-partnered well and she's around sharp stuff all the time so and here's the problem with with what's happening in today's world too is that you can't even call crazy shit crazy yeah exactly so now they'll say here listen to the subtitle here celebrities like Emma Watson and Gwyneth Paltrow are reframing traditionally negative relationship statuses and

helping remove the stigma here's how to go from single to self-partner first of all I didn't I wasn't aware it was really a negative thing being exactly single I never took it that way I mean I know a lot of people who like they're thrilled that they're think they're they're single yeah they're always like I'm single it's great I'm out there doing what I want yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah more insane yeah she's out of this world I know it's like there's no stigma attached to being like if that means like it they're trying to suggest that Emma Watson has no choice but to be single well she did whoever the fuck she wants today she's

famous she's great looking she's wealthy she's single because she wants to be single or she hasn't met somebody that's you know she's matched up with so what isn't that like fucking half the population I know and I think it's cool more now than ever to be single and like hook up and be on the apps and what now sounds like you're really wanting to get I mean I'm on all of them but isn't it cool now like it's there's a whole culture yeah I think nobody nobody goes like oh single you're right yeah it's not like that anymore help you out no yeah yeah like usually know about people who are single because we talk about us

all the time single people they don't have to be here they don't they can drop what they're doing at any moment yeah they travel when they want they have sex whenever they feel like it with whatever fucking person they can get a hold of yeah look at the Josh Potter he's single I know the cockroach he's gonna be out here soon we'll talk about my god I can't wait to hear all about Europe and and you guys doing so good oh one thing I wanted to bring up too is when we were part Rick Ocasic the singer of the cars yeah and he and his wife Paulina Poroscova if you don't know who she is she was a supermodel in the 80s she's

like a perfect looking Russian woman show gorgeous and she was with ugly Rick who is and we got to say that at the time of like if you're younger you know recall this was like a talking point that people would be like what because you would look at Rick and he was this lanky not particularly good-looking you know musician of course talented musician he was with this just stunning like supermodel of the day one of like the top you know 10 of the day and so it was always like can you believe that this fucking broad she really loved him she must have loved him it was like when Julia Roberts with it was with Lyle

love it remember people but gosh but anyway so he dies at 75 years old they were together for like 30 years and they separated three years prior to his death and he did not leave her a penny yeah and wrote it's because quote she abandoned me yeah I mean and they had a they had like a nice divorce or whatever separation they were still in contact with each other it didn't sound like it was contentious look at that I mean and she's still stunning like the woman still that's what she looks like now like Paulina doesn't well I mean you know there's a he was bitter yeah he was better are you gonna do that to me I

would if I was 72 and I was like on my way out and you're like mmm gotta go I would be like oh really okay yeah we can stay friends call the lawyer make sure she fucking doesn't get what it does make you wonder after 30 years together and he is 75 like why why give up now you like is she but she maybe is like much younger than him maybe she's what 50 or something no I would do I would be like I would call I'd be like higher professional kidnappers to take the kids and make her think that they're gone oh my god send her into a trauma and then like if I left you and yeah yeah yeah and then like well they just be

like in veil but you just wouldn't know they just be skiing every day and then like you're like I can't find the kids and I'd be like you look like you're sad you're like I'm all broke I'd be like yeah they're alright and then you'd be like what I just wanted to get you back for leaving me do you think there was another man maybe that's why he's probably like that's the only time I think men get real malicious yeah and vindictive is when there's somebody else that she's banging yeah there must have been some some absolutely that could have been yeah I mean also she's probably what 15 at least years younger at least

20 years younger so you know he's 72 it's like she starts to go I'm 50 yeah this is the last kind of stretch of life you know so yeah maybe she was like I want to go have some fun and he was like cool I'll just hope you die broke yeah she had her own money thank I think she did she had to have some of her own huge and they have two sons together and everything but maybe you know what he could do too because he's probably like oh the kids are gonna hook mom up with money so he'll put the money in a trust and make them wait to get the money so she's dad yeah what a dick that's what I would do yeah I'd be like she'd be like well the boys

can take care of me and they're like we don't have access for another 15 years and then she's like oh and Paulina has to go work and back yeah he was malicious damn yep after 30 years together I just I don't I guess I can't see getting that resentful to somebody you had it you know children with you never know the possessive thing is you never know the real stories you know well like I'm trying to think what you could do you'd have to have a serious affair with some fucking bitch and then yeah I would fucking kill you then let's stab you I'd take your children definitely why you don't get violent this

is too much that's offensive okay is it of course but it's how I feel in my heart I'd be so pissed I would say if I gave you HIV and yeah and had other kids with that's enough that's what that's a deal breaker if you had other children but there and then I have three other kids oh my life but we're all HIV positive okay yeah I'd be like all right I get it you're upset well um Jesus Tommy let's uh let's stop down here we'll get our our buddy out here have some fun let's recap the magic of the last few months we are back so much to go over and we are with joy uh announcing our guest

today is our very own Kukaracha himself the great and very funny Mr. Josh Potter oh that's right I can't play that because I plugged it into this I can kind of hear it oh you could yeah well well you can just plug it in yeah that's right I can just go back and I can do it again there you go although I'm not so sure that this theme song it's buzzing it is buzzing well you know what it's um to me it'll always be the Josh's theme song I know but he's scoring chicks left and right it's out of control I don't even understand left and right the guy is an inspiration to the Kukaracha the Kukaracha is an inspiration

to men all over the world now um sex symbol sex worker yeah yeah did you ever think this would be like not in a million billion years what would you like sometimes I go man I wish I knew Josh when I was like 17 and oh my god lacking confidence and being like you know how do I talk to girls and then I see you out there now I'm like this guy's a fucking professional uh it's been wild I'll say that I I mean I thought about this last night like uh and I appreciate this you're like my father my brother my best friend you spent thousands of dollars literally to get me laid essentially I can't wait till your funeral when I can talk to your grandchildren yeah I can be like your father was such a great man thank you he paid thousands of dollars for me to have sex

and I'm gonna repay it to you all of you all of your grandchildren that'd be a beautiful you yeah yeah it would be nice if like people were up there and kiss your face and I say he was so great when people tell all these heartwarming stories and then Josh walks up and he goes I wasn't fucking anybody and then people are like what this guy right here your great legacy Tom he's getting Josh laid well first we should say this uh Josh and I embarked on a European tour together yeah which was so fun we went to Budapest Berlin Amsterdam Antwerp Paris London Manchester Dublin that's crazy all in like 10 days yeah yeah bunch of shows we were on planes and trains and automobiles and I gotta say I'll I can say it now I was actually like

man I don't want to get on this first flight like to go over the whole thing seems like it's gonna be a drag I don't know I mean who's gonna be in the crowd or these audiences even gonna get what we're doing like it's just kind of I was like oh boy and the shows ended up being like some of the most fun shows of my entire tour really I will say that one of the most terrifying horrible things that ever happened to me was that I got violently ill yeah for show one yeah and I mean I mean really really sick well let's back it up because our kid got it Ellis got stomach he woke up with a stomach bug one night and then two days later Julian the baby gets sick right I get sick but few hours later but on meanwhile you're flying across the world and I'm fine and you're fine I'm fine

so I'm like I I escaped yeah I go I escaped I'm fine we land in Budapest we go out to dinner I'm fine that's where I didn't become fine yeah well we went and we I was like you gotta have Papadecash so we go this place we get a very rich Papadecash but it was excellent I mean it was unbelievable and and then the next day I'm like oh I have some pretty intense diarrhea but he's like oh yeah me too I'm like well it's dinner yeah I wasn't hungry every time I go I get diarrhea too it's very new well it's international road yeah it's international road it's also new bacteria introduced to your system it's not unusual right so that part I'm like not not a big deal as the day is progressing because this you know obviously we have a huge time change I'm like man I am really

like the diarrhea keeps building up and pouring out it's not like oh that was a rich meal it's starting to feel like sick diarrhea yeah yeah because it's a different kind that I had it too the stomach virus it's different it's like a hose of caca just coming out and it doesn't even hurt it's not like food diarrhea a lot of times a rich food will give you a one-off where you're like whoa that was crazy and then your body's like you had to get that out this is like it's wave number three wave number four at this point I remember that I hadn't really eaten in like I don't know let's say eight hours and I was like well I got a show come I should eat something so I ordered food to the room and I remember I took a bite like just one bite and I was like I don't want to eat anymore

it's like you know it doesn't taste bad I just I didn't want it and I was like that's weird then I'm sitting there and I'm like I just don't feel right and then it's like all right the car is going to pick us up in 10 minutes and as like I feel like oh man oh here it is and I instinctively I'm ready to go downstairs I take my shirt off because I know I'm going to throw up yeah you prepare yourself and I want to get any back so and I go into the bathroom and I puke intensely like then I call my my driver and uh he's like I tell him like I'm throwing up he's like okay I'll tell them so he sets it up I go now of course the last thing you feel like doing after throwing up is doing a show of course I had to cancel mine that night because I was puking

we go oh yeah we go to the ice house we go over to the venue and they're all like it's so great to have you here and I'm like yeah it's great to be here um and they're like we heard you're not doing well I'm like I'm not just like not doing well I'm actively vomiting so I get you know then we have like 30 minutes till show time I'm shitting I'm shitting Josh goes up there oh my god he's on stage I'm like waiting in the wings and I go and look at the the guy I go I gotta throw up again oh my god I have to run back to the green room huge huge what are you puking them because you hadn't eaten uh the fluids that I was like replenishing with oh wow because I started to like drink water and then have a sip of coke you know you're like trying to like settle yeah all of it comes and then

like and then dude that that time then I'm like well now I feel like like wiped like no energy and they're like he's about to wrap up oh my god and I go up there and I did uh I think I did just 60 you know I told him I go look I might do 45 I don't know what I'm gonna do but the crowd was amazing yeah and I thought that on this run it would be my imagination was it'll be all expats it'll be like you know whatever Americans are in the area it was like 95 locals really they just spoke English well enough to understand that's amazing yeah I mean the level of people's English fluency abroad is astonishing crazy yeah I mean you know Berlin first of all is completely bilingual uh Budapest you run into most people have some proficiency some completely

fluent uh Antwerp same thing everybody was fluent English speaking um Paris they speak English but they'll let you know if they do or they'll be like yeah I speak it but I'm not going to right yeah they're very snobby about that and which I I've learned to respect actually yeah everyone's like the French are assholes I'm like that's kind of why I dig them yeah well we both fell in love I was like I want to move to Paris yeah because their culture is awesome they have every right to protect it it's really good it's great it's great I first of all I love the city I love the layout I love the attitude I love people that don't want to talk to me yeah exactly it was great it's a perfect match I was like please Tom learn I started down I downloaded uh French lessons yeah city of

assholes you know man she was that I eat uh the man eats oh I like that the farm boy now you the lady drinks hey you were saying that you you opened some you opened up with gypsy jokes in my native land shit so I have I just shot a special on on Saturday and uh I have a a chunk about getting in trouble for saying gypsy one time on television and so the whole well the whole way is from my international experience what I realize is it's very easy to go to overthink and be like oh should I do this should I do that and what I told Josh I was like just go up there and do it and then make adjustments if you need to but don't try to overthink it you know so that's what that's what we did we just do do the act do what you normally do if you're doing stand-up

so this the first the first show is in Budapest everything's working fine there's like one thing that like I'm like oh that doesn't land as well and then you start to think about it when I get to that gypsy joke and I threw on a little extra hot sauce on it because I uh I know how to say and then I hear that in my family standing they're just like it was like Churchill just gave a speech yeah they were like this is a problem here when I told the uh our driver was like 23 and it's really young uh funny funny kid very professional so I was telling him you know I get in the car and of course he's speaking English to us and then I'm like yeah he's like you know the Hungarian words and I was like I'm trying to tell him the the ones that I know and then I get

to I go I know a Tiga and he was like yeah and I go I know a Roja Tiga he's like whoa he's like you have to be careful you say that over there they'll kill you yeah for those listening it's rotten rotten gypsy so Tiga is a gypsy but Roja is like wrong but he was like they will kill you they will kill you and then I go yeah yeah yeah then I go uh I go are you serious he was like gypsy he was like oh yeah he goes there he goes the eighth district whatever part of town he was like big problem I go what about the Jews and he was like no Jews are fine well you told your uh you told your gypsy stuff in Berlin and they those people looked around like this sounds familiar that is many high fives gypsy joke there they were we heard this before that he went harder he was like

and they smell and they lower property values but don't you find because like I every time I go to Hungary and then like I go further west it just gets more and more that's civilized is that what I'm saying is that the word or just more conscientious and like well they've seen some shit over there yeah too uh yeah it was Berlin was like a weird I love Berlin it was so awesome it was my favorite so like wildly progressive and like they have like the wall still there it's like a reminder and all this stuff Berlin is fucking rad I've never been I fucking I really and like cool art everywhere right like the artists kind of I told him like this is like like sometimes on this trip you go oh I want to stay here for a week you know I mean because we would be we would be in some

place of 24 hours but I was like I Berlin I want to stay here for a week like this is a town oh we got to go back wait but hold on before we move into the other parts of Europe I don't know if you're going to use this joke in your special that you told about this in Hungary how how oh no rip no but that would you say it a lot I just want you to say it's such a good joke so I was there you know what it is when I was touring I would obviously like open with talking about you know the cities we've been to and so like you're moving along and you're like you're saying this about you know hey the Parisians were like this and the Amsterdam was like that and then I would be like but this all started in

Budapest and I was like man they're kind of wild I go as soon as you get there they're like do you want to throw a rock at the gay and uh all of Europe was like yeah they were all like we know that's how they are I actually put that uh on my uh on my personal YouTube page the a little bit of the set that I shot in Manchester because yeah it is so funny like they um which by the way for people that don't follow the news you know Coca-Cola did a just pro not even like overtly pro just gays are people in their ad and uh Hungary was like you were going to find you they don't want it they don't want it and the president or the prime minister of Hungary banned this the putting of funds towards studying non-binary yeah and gender studies yeah he's like

we don't need to know this shit this is not this is not for us yeah this is not for us oh it's and also they have literal border walls in Hungary where they're like actually no one's welcome yeah yeah they're like yeah stop trying to come here we don't want you well the way my dad explained it it's like they're it's not that they actively don't like other people it's like they like to maintain their culture they don't want well that's how they would describe it uh elsewhere it's a spin yeah it's a spin yeah but they don't want it sounds familiar yeah it sounds familiar so okay so Berlin it was your second stop yeah awesome a lot of history they've glossed over in some of the things that we uh looked at yeah I was like where's this stuff yeah they're like

what stuff oh yeah ever like we um we were like walking around like children's snickering yeah we were looking for the we found the Gestapo headquarters remember yeah that's fun did you go to Hitler's bunker well no I fucking didn't realize it so we I said it to him in the train station I go Hitler killed himself eight miles or like a mile from where we were and I was pissed eight minute walk you could have seen your fears place your heroes well I just wanted like someone to give us like a cool story and everybody was like they were selling old hats and stuff like that I'm like hey oh yeah that was like patches I'm sure we were like uh because they had um they had a bunch of like uh you know like the Russian hat and then like from like east and

west Berlin and we were like I've got one of these stories you can go to be like where's the good stuff like take me downstairs I've got you kind of hit there probably like I got cash and they're like all right like you know crosses maybe other symbols where do you keep that and they're like let me see it let me see the cash yeah right here they really are ashamed of that heritage they don't want to talk about it of course they are it didn't go so well it didn't go over nicely I uh I mentioned his name in my act and I thought I was going to get arrested afterwards they're not actually aren't you not allowed to dress up as Hitler in Germany it's banned you're definitely you can't get arrested yeah I didn't try that yet you actually can get there's laws there

about saying you know expressing views that are yeah yeah they have a lot of things in place to to not slip up again I made it out so remember when we tripped up yeah in the 30s that whole couple of years there um yeah so that was awesome Berlin and did you were you able to eat by that point like did you get your appetite back did you eat anything good that was not good no no no wait did you get the stomach flu too no I was fine he just had like massive road ass international road ass nine time zone different yeah by the time we got to Amsterdam we were feeling better and I just could not we had less than 24 hours there but enough time to take a walk and like you know obviously when you're a kid all you hear about is like we remember when we was like but like what

happens as an adult you walk around you're like Jesus this city is stunning like it's gorgeous never seen never gone on a walk like that before in Amsterdam yes oh it's stunning I just was like this is the most beautiful city I've taken a walk in doesn't it make you really resent how ugly America is well you're like look at this strip mall strip mall strip mall it's dog I really had like a wild realization of how much homeless people we have in Los Angeles like they don't have them here there's just like a guy named Larry smoking by the train like that's about it but what was your joke what we do at the homeless yeah in Amsterdam oh we push them into the canals as they sleep that's so true and you see those big old bitches on the bicycle oh by the way this is there

was a post of me that now became like a meme in our world of smiling by a canal and people were like I've never seen you smile like that and the reason was because I was doing it so I mean it was going to be like a normal like selfie and then Josh was like you know you could drown somebody I was like I've never seen myself smile I didn't know he was taking a picture and I was just like yeah you could definitely throw someone over yeah so Amsterdam is where hookers are and stuff oh my god I almost almost jumped onto the next city and I forgot how could you forget dying to hear everybody's dying to hear because we got word you sent a video over and we played it on ymh and I should say that like that's what I love about Josh is so just game all the time for like

you want to do like anything that's like fun crazy Josh is like yeah so I've thrown out there like you know we're like we're on this make Josh come tour and have you officially titled it that I have I've called my dates that yeah yeah yeah I had to put MJC on some of these club websites because they're a little I'm a little but I'm also I'm a little bummed that we're like we're moving city to city and I'm like ah we don't have time for you to meet people you know yeah then we're like we're in Amsterdam I'm like oh I go would you get like a did you get a hooker and see if she can make you come and he was like yeah so no no no he said can I buy you yeah yeah yeah and I was like well uh well and how much are they now well that's an important this is a very important detail

so I also feel like it's going to be fun to see like you know there's a famous red light district if you don't know in Amsterdam and you had never been right I've never been and it's legalized prostitution you know not a big deal it's like seen as probably how it should be like where it's regulated people are tested and it's like you want to do that here and everything is you know not like seedy in the streets and then people are getting arrested and like it just it seems like a a much better system regardless I make that offer to you you say uh sure we we have two shows in Amsterdam so now it's late after the second show and I'm like all right let's go to the red light district we happen to get into a cab and I'm like take us to the red light district and the guy's

like for what I was like what do you think like just for the girls and uh he's like you want to uh go to the like I guess just to look I was like well my friend's gonna probably pick one he's like well if you want he's like you wouldn't want to go to a nicer place and I'm like what do you mean he's like well red light district these girls are there 10 15 years they're worn out you know basically like if you want to see spider-man in America you go to universal studios you don't go to hollywood boulevard exactly you know exactly yeah but the benefit of the red light district we were thinking is that because they're lined up and they're in these separate boots they're like little boxes shoebox type things yeah and that like if one girl doesn't make you come we

can just go down the line and then you could go to the next one and the next one and we would force you to fuck tell you eventually yeah jaculate well we could have done that as well yes well explain well then so I'm like well what do you what do you mean like like in my mind I'm like that's where it is the red light district like that's where we don't know any better yeah I don't know any better he's like no man he's like if you want something I'll take you to a sex club and I'm like what he's like this is like a nicer place way better girl this is where the young bitches are oh yeah you said young bitches yeah let's go there I was like all right yeah yeah yeah and he's like you know it costs more but it's worth it I'm like everything in life's like that right you pay you

get what you pay for so he pulls up to basically just a nondescript house really yeah and then isn't in like like in a residential neighborhood yeah you're kidding is it legal or is it an illegal operation don't know we don't know we don't ask this guy comes out and meets us like kind of on the drop the guy drops off on the street we're walking up the like the pathway to the front door and the guy comes out and it's it's a very straightforward um normal kind of he goes okay he goes hey how you guys doing introduces himself shakes our hand he's want you to know and he goes this is a sex club people come here to have sex I'm like okay he goes so you pay an entry fee and then you're gonna sit in this lounge area and there's a there's a bar

and we can have you can have drinks and there will be women seated at the bar and around they are not allowed to approach you so in other words they can't try to sell to you you tell me who you find attractive and then I'll bring her over and then you can have a little conversation with her and if you want then you can go up to your room and have sex with her and I'm like okay of course not if you want right you will go upstairs yeah yeah yeah like so you have to now immediately there's two things going on I'm such like a fucking child at this point I'm like I go first of all I'm not going to be having sex and he was a brave little soldier yeah and I was like it's just for my friend and he was like why don't you just see what we got I was like no no

no I don't mean it like like that I'm saying like I'm I'm just here I go I'm paying though so like you're don't worry you're getting something out of me I'll pay but but I'm not going to be doing that he's like sure so you come in and have and I go oh also it's sober October yeah I take part in this thing with my friends so I also won't be drinking any alcohol he's like whatever man no so we get in I pay our entry fees we sit down it's a nice it's like a little lounge area like this there's like maybe three or four women at the bar I'm kind of like it's dark and I'm trying to like what kind of ladies like what nationality there's a there's a international uh I mean it could been I didn't I well here's the thing uh we sat down they asked if we want to drink I thought I

could have maybe a couple drinks here you know I'm about to fuck a prostitute uh so I thought maybe I'd get a couple drinks in me right away they're up your ass like which one you want to fuck yeah to talk yeah yeah yeah yeah well first of all the guy comes over and he's like you want whiskey beer and you know he chooses his drink and then he's like you sure you don't want like a whiskey and I go do you have diet coke it's so it's sober October he's like he he looked he's like you really don't want to drink yeah nerd so he brings over the drink he's getting on him he's up my ass about it so who do you like who do you like all right who do you I'm asking Tom because I can't really tell from a far away you know and the which part for me is like I was like all right I go

because yeah he's vision wise too he yeah is it dark in there yeah kind of dark it's like purple you know smoke machine yeah I see I go I leave no I go I think the one on the far left is the best looking one right because there's like one who looks like I mean there's one who's like distinctly I would say Latin looking one like dirty blonde there's one across the room she was just regular blonde but yeah dirty and then and then there's this one who looks like tan she looks like a porno chick yeah yeah they all look like kind of porno yeah and I'm like this is that I think of what's in the room this is the the best shot so eventually like she comes over and she's like hi and you know I have to like like a child be like do you want to come over and sit with us or whatever like or I

told the guy actually right yeah I'm like can you have her come over he's like all right she's like hello how are you she was Italian the one that we selected now here's keep in mind from Milan they're all they're not allowed to say anything to you right they can't solicit but they sit and then what happens is like you know they'll just go like they'll just turn look at you like from the bar and then they kind of turn back after their basic interaction and the then the decision to go up I am now left sitting with my Diet Coke and the four that the the four or five other girls in the room and and the guy comes over and he's like are you sure you don't want me to bring one over I go yeah could you tell them

that like I don't think they're ugly like because I feel impolite you know I'm like yeah you're insulting these ladies yeah and I don't want to respect I don't want to insult them they're nice ladies yeah I go I'm just I'm just not doing this and he's like oh don't worry about it so he he's not going to convey the message obviously because they in their mind they're like there's always a a shot there's always not yeah opportunity to make more money and so constantly you can see that they'll like different ones will turn then they start to like look at each other and they're like what's up with the fact like yeah and then I'm like you know I'm on my phone and the whole time I just want to be like I just I'm not could you just know that and I just keep

looking at looking at my phone yeah I have another Diet Coke yeah yeah yeah yeah but then what am I sending you because you're texting yeah this is hilarious so I'm like I'm in the sex club Josh is upstairs with an Italian prostitute which we'll get to the details in a moment and she's like she's like don't you're not going to fuck any hookers and I was like no and then she starts texting me pictures of our kids and she's like don't forget about us dad don't ruin what we have I love you daddy I love you dad if I recall that was your same strategy when Tom met throat Zilla that's right that's right very effective though yeah didn't get a blowjob but they did and then

I mean the pictures kept coming up it was like each of my kids like smiling and like they're like we miss you dad so I fucking by the way it felt like of course when I'm sitting there with my phone also you know how you feel when your batteries dying so like I wanted to just get lost and stuff but I see my batteries like at oh sure 16% like god damn it so we're texting I'll like I'll update you when I know something I'm just waiting you're up there and then I can't like there's no TV like you can't there's no look other than your phone other than your phone or at the prostitutes who you're like no thanks yeah so if finally you know you finally come down and I'll let you take over on what was it like up there oh my god oh yeah Luciana yeah she was from Milan I found out I forget

what her name was Luciana it was like Lex Whistler or something yeah I forgot what her name was but um yeah she took me upstairs we picked her and we went upstairs and she was of course like very porno-y very hot wait what's the room like so the room is like just a small European room there's a giant jacuzzi in it in a bed and she starts drawing the bath for the jacuzzi and I told her I'm like you're not gonna need that I'm not going in the fucking jacuzzi dirty yeah not because of it's dirty I'm like what am I I'm not I'm not gonna just like where I thought about it first I'm like I didn't bring my suit but then I got you don't really need that but then do you want to get like covered in chlorine and right right right like I'm not trying to like yeah how are we going

to fucking a jacuzzi by the way before you go any further I've paid now hundreds of dollars and I'm like because I know that like there might be the option for like something more so I just grabbed what I have which is like another 80 or I'm like here in case oh yeah yeah you can to get more yeah yeah he passed me and I'm like okay cool yeah like if there's any option like just take it here's 80 bucks you know so it was like I don't know if you want me to yeah go ahead expose the details of the finances but tell her like it's 300 euro for just sex blowjob the nitty gritty if you will and then it's 200 more if you want to like have like kissing and licking whatever the fuck that means just basically more stuff like where I can put my mouth on her basically wow maybe

tits or whatever but I couldn't do like very much of anything to her and it was just straight up beach and sex for 300 and I had that because like but I gave you the 80 so I gave you the 80 because I was like I go what does this get me she's like nothing but I know why it would I gave you the 80 because I thought it could be like maybe uncovered yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah which was not the case that was even how much would to get an uncondombed I didn't get to that level because I only had 80 right so she's like we're not even have that fucking conversation yeah I need it right now Jesus yeah by the way if there had been an ATM there I would have been like here it is yeah but so it was definitely which looking back is probably the best thing to have protection or

whatever but uh they really go kind of ham on that thing like she swabs your dick down with like an alcohol swab or something like what some sort of like uh chloroxy type wipe you know just and then you know she puts the condom on you then she blows you over the condom which is like you know what are we doing here yeah it's like nothing so I told Tom going into it I'm like I don't even know if I'm going to get an erection from this because of all the like red tape involved with it you know so right away though it feels clinical yeah exactly it felt like my doctor was giving me a blow job essentially over a condom and the blow job just felt very like I was able to like get going during that I was like okay you know I got hard during the blow job and she was

doing her whole like mmm thing you know and it's like all right I can tell she's not really into it you know but she's like pretending and then uh so then it's like she's like do you want me to get on top and I'm like sure and then all of a sudden it's like she pulls out this fucking lube and she's like you know lubing up the condom and then she lumes up her pussy and then she like gets on top by then I'm like all right we had sex for like a few minutes and then I was like done with it you know what I'm saying like my dick just was like want want want oh really yeah I just couldn't because I couldn't do anything I wanted to do except lay there and essentially get fucked and uh like you couldn't touch her I could touch her but I couldn't we couldn't like do anything

else like I couldn't like uh put my mouth anywhere yeah like you couldn't like actually get into it yeah you know that's a bummer and then like I caught her like looking out the window at one point I'm like all right oh my god that's depressing because it's like well the thing about it is like it's not before she's just at work you know what I mean yeah that's what I realized I'm like what I realized was like the things I enjoy about sex are pleasing the woman and like having them enjoy their time yeah and uh there's none of that on the table that reminds me of the uh there was like that HBO documentary on uh porn you know that they put out a few years ago and that there was that one part when they're they're talking to I forget somebody who was like yeah you know sometimes

you're just thinking about I gotta pay my bills I got it I got it right the dog this morning it's like anybody else at work they're like shit you know I mean I leave the stove on or whatever you know so I got that vibe from her and I was just like all right and then she like tried to like jerk me off for a little while and it just wasn't happening and then she's like so you're from Los Angeles uh the homeless problem is so out of control there and she started talking about politics while we were like naked for 15 minutes they sat across each other and had a political conversation wait a minute but doesn't she want to get you out of there so she can get the next she's she's booked for an hour oh so she has an hour with you she maybe just chat she's blocked off yeah and then

like it got to be about the 45 minute mark and I was like all right where's my underwear let's get out of here you know and did you feel like you had to say something to her why you couldn't yes I apologized to her and then she was like I don't care you know she's like I don't give a fuck about it yeah then I realized that and it was kind of freeing but also yeah like pathetic you know what I'm saying but yeah I even was like can I finger you and she was like on the outside I was like that's fucking stupid you know so on the outside yeah she doesn't want your yeah your nasty fingers in her yeah yeah yeah all of it I couldn't do anything to her really you know that's terrible I didn't I wasn't aware that you couldn't really like again for the 200 bucks it probably

could have became more but it's like she's never gonna enjoy it you know what I'm saying she I'm just like number six tonight or something you know what I mean so I realized in that moment that it's like the things that I enjoy about sex have nothing to do with that it's like you have to be a certain type of guy to get off from that I think you know that's a really interesting point like a guy who has no interest in the woman's experience right sounds like whatsoever like kind of an evil piece of shit well maybe or I mean just like I don't know that's the thing I can't ever I can't relate on there's probably so many different fact I think what to me your story and like what we've talked about with you know the josh not coming thing and this experience it sort of gave some credibility

to the theory yeah that that there's an intimacy right because in this case where there was literally zero I couldn't even like maintain an erection so it kind of makes you go like like I mean I don't know but not an expert but it does make me feel like oh the argument of like you needing to connect with a girlfriend yeah a hundred percent probably you know I mean sure yeah it has validity yeah so okay so that was a no go and what about this is the most exciting so wait let's finish that we so we leave Amsterdam you don't come but we had a great time we do a few more shows I got to say all the shows were a blast Paris blew me away not just because of the city but that was the show that I anticipated I was like that'll probably be the rough show of the tour

oh my god it was electric absolutely amazing you maybe want to go back there and do like club weekend yeah yeah it was it was so cool and then we did um the UK which was just outrageous right yeah unbelievable Manchester it's amazing when it's their first language too yeah yeah that's it's really the Queen's English it's like an exciting time to like they they I always feel like that when you go international especially to an English speaking place they and they recognize how far you came there's like an extra they appreciate it they show you that like they appreciate you made the trip so all the UK shows um Ireland and you know they were just they were just amazing so we fly back we do New York which was also amazing mm-hmm you came to

and then I came for like 24 hours yeah you're there just for day so I can see you after Europe and then we make I make it to Buffalo mm-hmm and this is where you get to meet up with the winner that's right of the May Josh come I can't believe it so many firing minds wanted to know when it was going to happen even on this road trip they were like what's the deal with the chick from Canada what's the deal like well you're gonna find out let me ask you before we um one million percent more successful than the prostitute I'll say that one million huh oh well but uh yeah so I mean long story I mean not to make the long story sure we get into the details but everyone wants to know what it did it happen and it did and it didn't you know what I'm saying wow meaning like I did come

but it was of my own uh fruition right if you will like it usually is unfortunately but we got close we didn't have a great time trying yeah a lot tried a lot so you tried a lot yeah and it was a blast I had a great time okay um and you'd say that she's a strong performer yeah 100% she did a great job I got to meet her beautiful girl yeah she had so much fun at the show she just she mentioned so and uh very outgoing very uh personable uh I'd like to hear her side of this yeah let's see what she has this is like love connection back in the day hey chuck how'd the date go right this is like a recap uh whatever it's like the end of a limo date yeah do you mind if I go ahead and no touch it Jackie let's see what happens yes Jackie let's see she's

very attractive in her video now when she when you saw her in person she was exact she didn't have any filters or anything like that she was she was just that good looking yeah no false advertising great let's see hello Jackie yes it's Tom Segura how are you good how are you great I'm here with Christina hi Jackie we're so excited we're so excited talk to you yeah we're so excited uh I'm sure the audience is super excited you were so I was lovely to meet you and you were obviously so gracious in your offer when you sent in your video that you would meet up with Josh and now you know the people are dying to know what was it like what was it like being with Josh Potter oh wow um well it was lovely but yeah I know it was awesome I am uh

fully in love with Josh Potter so oh my god wow what that's aggressive I felt like the guy from you um yeah no it was sick it was fun wait well hold on well let's start from the beginning so you fly to what Buffalo to Buffalo yeah and does Josh meet you at the airport how do you what is yeah it was super sweet he had a sign um no uh I actually got questions super hard at the airport when I was trying to leave the country um they actually had me pull up the email chain and the title of the email chain was make josh come wait a minute did they did they point that like where they like what's that all about uh thankfully no but at one point he's just like why are they calling you mommy

joke podcast but I think he was asked yeah but it's okay he let me go it was like great this is fully happening to me right now and wait and when do you first when do you first meet Josh I don't remember the that detail when did you guys actually meet up uh so he came to my hotel which was lovely um so we met up by the globe in do lobby okay and and and he walks in and what is he wearing yeah do you see like an aura behind him is he is it like you know I mean like the yeah I actually know uh one of her uh I came down I think he was like sitting somewhere and I feel like we're both just really socially awkward so we're just like texting like oh where are you I know you're probably like 15 feet away from me when too awkward to actually just scan the

room so then we met up and went outside and promptly got high oh nice oh okay that's great that's great now Jackie did you wear a special outfit because you're meeting josh for the first time what did you wear uh well yeah I uh I'm a pretty big fan of lingerie so I had a full lingerie outfit on and uh I definitely put sweatpants over it to go outside so I think that added to it hold on oh my god okay so you're you're wearing lingerie under your sweatpants you guys go out outside you get high and is that helping you ease your nerves uh yeah well yeah and honestly just a pretty big stoner so okay and you see josh in person regular what are your thoughts when you see him in person yeah match up to what you've seen on youtube and what did you what are your first

impressions yeah um kind of like thank god like that he's like because I don't know if we see someone online or whatever yeah it might look very different so you're please I had this weird fear that he was gonna be really really short like because not that that's the worst thing in the world but like I am not a super short girl so I was let's go it's gonna be awkward so uh no he shut up and we were like pretty much the same height so I was like oh kick it okay so that was honestly like the worst thing I was concerned about was just that's all he was okay but yeah so no that was good so so uh he meets the height requirement he can get on the ride and now you guys right you guys take it upstairs yeah yeah so like how long do you spend together before you go upstairs

uh well we went upstairs like fairly quickly um but I mean we also like hung out in the room for a while got you okay okay yeah and then who all right I'm dying to know who makes the first move uh it was for sure josh oh nice all right all right josh the aggressor now is there alcohol too or just weed uh yeah no well I mean I was drinking I was mostly solo drinking because josh doesn't drink much but I kind of forced him a little bit um but uh a little bit drinking yeah and then what he was trying to keep my dick oh okay and then does he kiss you like is he does he lean in and you're like oh my god here it comes no so I'm the worst and I was just like super nervous so I was saying that we should go and have a cigarette and then I was going for my fucking sweatpants again and

you just like stop me like it's actually kind of cute here to grab me and kiss me hmm nice and were you were you you were like awesome was he a good kisser is josh a good kisser yes actually yes yeah yes and then he grabbed your fucking hair and he's like shut up no tom oh I don't know I don't know I'm guessing I don't know okay so then what happens next so you guys are frenching and then what oh god I'm like uh and then I believe we went to the bedroom or we were in a bedroom uh I believe we went to the bed yeah uh I've tried it I like honestly I'm like I don't even remember that's terrible um so you're frenching is there is there a lot of hand action are you did you touch his d at this point did you were you pleased with

the d size did you had you yes actually um because that's always kind of a gamble too right yeah yeah it's a big problem you just don't know what's in there it was like everything was good like it was all good so you I don't know they all look different like some are a little more haggard than others yeah everything was nice and clean and never there was no visible you know herpes sores so that's great okay and he was clean down there his his manscaping he trimmed the head just okay good yeah now wait let's get to the performance was he was there oral did you do oral sexes on each other yeah we 69 super hard

um did you really 69 no I'm not fairly confident with my uh my head game so I'm sure that I whipped that out pretty quick nice not as confident with my hand job skills me too same same may have breathed through that but but you're also I mean you're saying that he also is doing a pretty good job right you're happy with his performance oh yes actually you know what I think that's how it started I'm pretty sure that he actually went down on me first hey good man Josh real nice guy and uh all right then it's then it comes time to actually you know really shove it in there so now you're actually doing it and in your mind are you like am I am I gonna get josh to come like is this gonna you

know I mean is that a good question did you have a strategy Jackie going into this encounter because you you got to be thinking like he has hasn't been with someone like me right that's why he hasn't come oh yeah it's funny uh actually no so I I mean your reaction to my video was honestly lovely because I have zero self-esteem so I literally was just thinking that maybe he'd actually like maybe we were just five and like maybe you'd feel comfortable enough with me and like then that would happen you know so I mean I feel like I know I feel like confident in the skills but I was hoping there was going to be some sort of like element of us like clicking got you um yeah so uh I mean in conclusion though I feel like he should go on with Danielle obviously

oh so what happened so you guys are doing it you're doing intercourse and so what happens uh well I think at a certain point I need to take break so I went down and I had a cigarette some trash uh I then came back up and then I think we had sex again and then actually I do remember this so it's like and then josh wanted to take a break she was tired but you know fair and then we were lying beside each other and you needed to like take five and then all of a sudden I just heard him like he wasn't snoring but I could tell that he fully fell asleep and this was like 3 30 in the morning so I was like okay really I'm not gonna yeah wake him up but had you but had he come at this point you still no it's 3 30 in the morning you guys have

been fucking this whole time I mean how do you just I gave it my all guys I mean I try I believe you and then the next morning ask about the next okay so the next morning go ahead um oh yeah oh yeah okay so the next morning uh well I don't oh god I don't know if it starts in the morning but I just know that but um I believe that I went down on him and then it was a team effort and then he came in my eye so by the way I love it I don't know if I get maybe like a half point for that like sorry to get uh super partial into the into the details here but are you are you coming from a vaginal entry and you're shooting for distance or are you up near the face no she's giving him a beat oh okay okay and then she blows him and then what stops and

then you finish the rest I see okay so that was a loving assist yeah in the industry yeah partial credit partial credit I would say Jackie did yeah you got partial credit yeah for that but Jackie ask somebody who's been in the in the out in the bush now you've been to war with this man and you know what his uh struggles are what is your assessment of why josh has struggled to come what is it oh uh well I well I don't know I think potentially maybe that it may be the whole intimacy thing because um I just feel like if he lives like more comfortable with somebody and like really got to know with someone and like maybe it's a better shot I don't know or maybe just feel like not worried about it like I don't know well Jackie I think I think

Tom's got something here with the intimacy because if you'll listen to the story they effed all night faded you guys were both sounds like completely which means you're not connecting you're not really there and it wasn't until the next morning once you've established some kind of rapport and trust with Jackie and you weren't fully fucked up I'm assuming you didn't wake up and get hammered again no that you could probably trust her enough at least to give her partial credit yeah of course it sounds like that is hilarious that is very good insight thank you I'm very good at this I've been in therapy for a while I just want you to know that I can come oh my god I came real hard last night he did he did well Christina is a better woman than me all right no I'm not

no I'm not but Jackie I think that was a noble effort and what I love most about her thank you her story is that she it was so memorable for her that she's forgotten most of the encounter yeah it's really neat yeah you are very memorable well thank you Jackie do you think you will be making josh come anytime in the future would you be down for another sesh oh I mean well if you'll have me well yeah this is like love connection and he says yes he's in so we're gonna go for a round two all right I cannot wait maybe we can send a documentary crew next time that'd be great and Jackie I want you to take copious notes because I want more details I don't like this stoner memory of yours next time I want full details what did you not get detail yeah I felt

pretty detailed like I don't remember um she didn't remember like the positions what uh could you describe that vein that goes from his ball bag that's what I want well ask about my dick well I don't know does he has a good practice actually whenever he came in my eye that I was sucking on his balls if that's a wow wow I gotta tell you wow Jackie you will expect a merch bag because wow you're one of the winners out there you're a good person a ball suck you and did you lick his representing my country yes did you lick his b-hole no I didn't not a monster oh you know what I didn't you're not a scrum master so we won't be sending you that much but the rest of them you're lovely Jackie we really appreciate you yes thank you your time and thanks for doing this

that you did on your own nobody pressured you into anything there's no money exchange for this the opposite oh wow yeah great uh well we'll be talking to you soon Jackie thanks so much thank you Jackie we love you all right well thanks you're the best goodbye bye bye go Canada what's my tribe too yeah there you go get for you oh I feel bad that she didn't uh she was like you know we should have had Danielle or whatever no no exactly she did a great job oh I mean I think the Jackie got you it sounds like Jackie got you like you said it's partial credit she got you hard she got you almost there do you think if she continued giving you a bj longer maybe you could have I don't I it's at a certain point through my extensive research I've noticed I have to take

over at some point why is that is it because of the grip the firm hold the pacing of it um it just doesn't get me to that like I've had it uh where I can then continue it a little bit and then they take back over and then that'll happen sometimes well that's but that's good that's yeah that's great yeah yeah so I mean it just takes a little bit uh work you know and in the morning it was tough you know it was the morning it's only going to go so long you know as we said it was already kind of a marathon session it was amazing man um oh and also just to recap you know to put an end to all this too we then got on a bus we did Charlotte Pensacola Lake Charles oh my gosh and Austin yeah how sick of me are you no it was great man and the shows were amazing and you absolutely set me up so well

at the special taping so thank you for that you know that was an honor thanks for letting me do that it was awesome and the and the tapings were were wild so fun yeah I mean thanks for showing me the fucking world no it was wild there was a fucking world in like a 10 days yeah yeah man it's crazy I know I was reading your dates while you were gone and every time I'd be like I can't believe my husband's doing all this shit right now I know I can't believe we got I tried to take that day by day because it was so overwhelming yeah but when we finished uh the late show taping in Austin Saturday night I was like oh yeah you could tell it was like a demon left your body or like yeah yeah it was great and that show was epic and it was so much fun the next night too because it was

like so free after yeah the taping there was like no skin in the game almost you know yeah it was really and those shows were some of the best dough um all right real quick uh some dates coming up you can see your boy I will be in Melbourne November 29th uh Miami Florida not sorry Melbourne Florida Maxwell's King Center for the Performing Arts the 30th in Miami actually uh sold out the Olympia Theater uh 12-5 I'm in Erie at the Warner Theater Columbus got two shows at the Palace Grand Rapids is all sold out at the at Monroe Live I'm going to be in your home country I will be at the Coliseum at Caesars in Windsor Ontario Canada December 8th and then I do not leave again until we go to Ha Va'i uh December 28th and 29th one show in Honolulu one show in Maui

oh Kalua Lua Lua how do you say that that's right Kalua Lua Lua and then uh in the new year uh I go to mom Australia it's all sold out there are still a few tickets available in Auckland New Zealand at Bruce Mason Center Theater and then I have a number of shows next year at the Terry Fator Theater in Las Vegas Nevada at the Mirage I'm very excited about it those tickets for the March and May shows are on sale now I'll be announcing more 2020 dates soon but that's it for now they're at TomSkura.com slash tour Jean Jean for the rest of 2020 my Portland in Seattle sold out thank you for everybody who bought tickets I'll see you very soon flappers I'm doing a residency every Thursday in the Yuhu room Josh Potter is going to be on these through the month of December

now and November and then 2020 I start kicking off the ride or die tour continues January 9th through 11th Austin Texas at Cap City Comedy Club January 30th through February 1st Houston improv February 14th and 15th Tampa improv and then that make good on the October 25th date that I was vomiting is now March 7th so all tickets will be honored if you bought tickets to October 25th on March 7th March 13th to 14th Miami Florida and then the Addison improv in Dallas Jewdork titties April 3rd through 4th Des Moines Iowa and late April the funny bone and then stand up live in Phoenix June 12th and 13th I'm trying to see the dates behind the camera Christina be online for tickets follow me on the gram at the Christina P and Josh oh and for me

in 2020 I'm going to be coming to the dead crow comedy club and the comedy connection in in Rhode Island the dead crow is in Wilmington North Carolina those aren't on sale yet but January 2nd through 4th Laugh Boston is on sale and this week Saturday I'm going to be in Baltimore at Jimmy's famous seafood the place Sikler goes all the time so get those tickets on their website right now that's happening this weekend and links can all you can all go to Josh Potter's a twitter page they're all up right there on my profile great well thanks guys thanks for listening thanks for watching see you next week love you jeans hi jean we ain't drinking no pool water over here nothing but that glacier you feel me

uh-huh water water water water water water water water get your ubers if you've been sipping what's the problem why are you so messy why are you dehydrated gallons i drink dirty tell me where's your water tell me where's your what it could be hydra spring water only you're so fire oh super h you know fiving on the road all these bottles in the road got sources on the low saying you ain't got the water better do what i gotta do where's your water where's your water where's your water since you drink it water i've been sipping you need to eat i'm putting in wires just like me

got a love for the crew at studio g send a rescue boat for those hating on me just finished a 12 pack waiting for my lunch and take crazy here in what a sky punch you're a flower but girl you must be trippin if you think that i ain't sipping if you want to have something sweet don't even look at me all i gotta do is shoot with me yeah yeah all day shoot with me water water water water water water water oh if the doctor said i need to drink less water that's how much i'm drinking right now i mean you wouldn't understand that's only for the chin you know what i'm saying

oh