Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 537 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: February 6, 2020

It’s a brand new episode and we’re all basking in the NRE this morning. Don’t you just love when your husband gets a new girlfriend? Tom just got back from his trip in Australia and New Zealand. He had a celebrity sighting of Hannah Gadsby (Nanette) while staying in Perth. Since he’s been home, however, he has been on Full Brown Alert. New FedSmoker merch means new FedSmoker videos and today he is doing his civic duty and addressing the city council, will they get BR stamps? Christina saw a pair of boat shoes in the wild and she completely hated it. Josh Potter was slightly injured lately and have you seen the Aaron Hernandez documentary? Also, Tom and Christina describe what it was like to hear the news about Kobe Bryant's untimely passing. Plus, a Tony Johns update. Take your Uvers, we up outta here.

That's what it is. We're back, I'm back from overseas, wearing my foreign pants. Good day, Mike. Good day, Jean Jacket. You took mom's Australia and Juiz Island. I believe it's New Zealand. Is that how you say it? Yeah. To Auckland, how do they talk in New Zealand?

They go, Hey! Hey! Like that? It's not how they talk. Did you go to Christchurch? Christchurch? Now I just did Auckland.

They go, How are you going? How are you going? By the way, that is the level of assimilation you need to adapt to in Australia and New Zealand. Oh, it's like America, but they do stuff on the wrong side. It's like you're in Michigan. I know. If you're like, I don't really travel, it kind of freaks me out to go to foreign lands.

Believe me, you're not going to struggle in Australia and New Zealand. The food's the same pretty much. Yeah, it's basically cleaner. Yeah, nicer. They're nicer people. Yeah. It's just like, it's an overall better environment. I know.

They speak English. And they're smarter. It's America, but better. Yeah, that's kind of their slogan. And they talk all funny. Yeah. We talk funny and we're better. We're better.

Wait, so do Australian accent and then do New Zealand. So what's the difference? So Australian is like, good day, fuck off. I did not say fuck off. Good day, fuck off. You know what they say? They say, how you going? How you going?

How you going? And then in New Zealand, they say choice, bro. What's that mean? That's how you say I'm doing good. Choice, bro. Yeah. But say like they do the Kiwis. They say, oh, choice, bro.

Did you hear any cool new slang? I'm trying to think if I had any cool new slang. No, not really. But you, choice, bro is pretty good. Choice, bro is pretty good. Yeah, that was, that was, that was the Kiwis. Okay. All right.

Okay. Now there's so much to get into international stories, amazing clips, things that we've watched. There is just a plethora of things to cover, right? That's a big word. Yeah. All right. Let me see.

Make sure that this volume is up. Let's get into this show, Jean. Ready? Yeah. So my Polly people, isn't it just the most amazing feeling when your partner finds a new girlfriend? Crazy. Don't bring anyone loving to this.

Yo, mama in the fucking stands. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura and Christina Pajitz and Christina Pajitz. Do you see my new dance? You guys are really good dancers. You should do a dance video too. I don't know. Impressive. You're a lot better at it than I am.

Yeah. I was, I was gone. So long. Two weeks. It's a long time. I got to tell you, I could not have enjoyed two countries more than Australia and New Zealand. They're just pleasant.

It's a good place. It's not a suck place. I love having like just overwhelming feelings of gratitude on that trip. Well, just for like, you know, being a being in the position to be able to fly across the world and do shows and like have all these people come out and they're so enthusiastic and it was just, it was a, I had the best time. The Aussies are, they're down for a good time. They always have a great sense of humor.

All that stuff you hear by the way. Great attitudes. Everyone's always like, I always hear they're so nice. They are. They're better than America. Definitely. Yeah. They're super friendly.

Yeah. Yeah. I did. How's the food? What did you eat? Anything exciting? I did. I had these crazy dishes.

Steak, salmon, eggs. Salmon. Thank you. I did go to this insane. I want to make sure I got a restaurant in Sydney. I had the best tour manager, Charney, who has been managing tours there for musicians and like she knows the game. Yeah.

She's like, she's like, what do you want to do? I go, I want to pet Kuala, she's like, okay, I know where to go and like sets it up with me. Can you, speaking of, do you mind pulling up the photo that he, did you put this photo on public? I don't know. Or just privately? No.

Of you holding that Kuala bear? I don't know if that's on my public feed. You didn't do it publicly? Public feed. Man. Well, you sent me a photograph of you. A photograph? A photograph?

Why'd I say it like that? You said it. Really stupid. It's such an idiot. Yeah. There's me with the camera. There's me with the camera. You sent me a photograph of you and that Kuala bear and I swear I've never seen you look

that happy. Not even when you were holding our newborn children. Oh, stop it. You were, you, so that, see that look on your face, so genuinely thrilled, like, look at you. Yeah. You're never this happy. You just, you loved those kangas and those koalas.

I mean, animals are like that. I know. Awesome. They, you get to like be around animals. It's, it does really put you in there. It's so special. It is. It's a special thing.

It's a koal. Like I, when she, when she brought it up, I was like, so I landed, okay, I fly in, everybody knows there's these huge bushfires been going on, devastating fires that have been killing animals more than anything, right? Like about a billion animals died in Australia. Oh my God. It's really horrible. So I, we're flying into Melbourne and excuse me, Melbourne and we are about like, it's

a 15 hour flight from LA. So you just, they go, all right, you on the phone. So it's 15 hours. Did you shit on that flight? It's a long time to go without browning. Did you brown before you got on the plane? Yeah. Yeah.

I think I should. Before you got on? Yeah. Because it was, it was also a night flight. So I slept through most of the, most of the flight. Now did you fly in first class? Do they give you a nice cream sundae? Sometimes you get special cuisine.

There is a first on there. I did not. I flew business, which is basically comparable to a really nice domestic first class. So they make the announcement, hey, we're approaching, you know, we're going to be landing soon. So you're like, okay, you know, it's a long flight. So you get your stuff situated, right? You sit up and you're like, all right.

And then the guy goes, ah, good day, everybody. So I would like to say welcome to Melbourne, but we're actually being diverted to Sydney. I'm like, what, and you look out the window and you just see so much smoke and he's like, there's too much smoke to land in Melbourne. I'm like, oh, fuck. So we're landing in Sydney. I'm like, what's going to happen now? We land, we pull up to a gate and they're like, we're just going to refuel and we'll

be off to Melbourne. You're like, I thought there was too much smoke in Melbourne. And they're like, well, there was, but now, now we're going to go. It's only like, it was a 30 minute delay. And then we flew to Melbourne. I'm like, this doesn't feel right. And then we land in Melbourne. We get in the van, going to the hotel, it's summer, obviously, in the Southern Hemisphere.

So it's like 90 degrees. And I'm like, okay, you know, there's, there's other, like there's a smoke, like a warning today about being outdoors, you should probably stay indoors. You're like, all right, kind of, you know, try to get our heads wrapped around everything that night, like a few, you know, whatever, eight hours later, it rains and the next morning it's 60, it dropped 30 degrees, clear skies, just like, is that common for the summertime in there? I don't remember doing that in the 90s when I was there.

I don't know. But we're in Melbourne, which by the way is like coffee heaven. I love Mel. I'm always drinking ice drinks here, but there, like when the coffee is Primo, I drink proper like hot coffee, you know what I mean? Because every drink is like an orgasm. Every coffee is, you remember that company that I loved years ago? And we had it sent to the house and it was so good.

I got a couple bags on the way. Good job, dudes. So the coffee there is unbelievable. And I actually remember, this is how good the coffee was. I remembered the name of the brand of the coffee that I drank nine years ago. I don't remember. Like immediately. What was it?

Seven Seats. So when I got there, I was like, is there still seven Seats? And they were like, yeah. And I go, can we go get bags of it right now? So I went and bought bags and had it shipped to me. So good. I remember that. I remember that.

It's like oily and good. Yes. It's like a buttery richness to it. And I mean, it is the best coffee I've had. And the thing is, I think a lot of people who aren't familiar with Melbourne or with Australia don't necessarily know the coffee culture. You know, like you think, like for me, I always thought of coffee as like, you know, Turkish, Italian, Spanish, like those are coffee places.

Italians. Yes. Yes. Europeans. The Guineas, the Spicks, the Turks. Yeah. And then. Right.

But because of the, it's because of the koaliturds. Did you know that? They eat the eucalyptus and then they shit. And then that's what the coffee beans are grown in. I had you for a second, at least, and I can't lie to you. The baby koalas eat their mother's shit. That's not true. That's a hundred percent.

That is not true. Hundred percent true. No. Yes, it is. And I'll tell you why. So koalas only eat eucalyptus. Eucalyptus is toxic. So the only way that they can digest it is by eating the bacteria of the mother so that

their body adapts to process eucalyptus. That's cool. I didn't know that. And they do it instinctively. The baby's like, nudge the mom, like, hey, take your shit so I can eat real quick. And then the babies eat the mother's shit. That's a hundred percent true. Can't they just drink her milk and then get the end?

Okay. That's not how it works. Wow. I held a koala. I asked questions. Jesus. I was just there. Oh, here's the other thing.

In Australia, of course, everyone in Sydney and Melbourne is like, why are you going to other cities? These are the only cities to go to. And like you go to, like first they're like, you're going to Brisbane and you go to Brisbane and you're like, the city's beautiful. It's like a beautiful city. And then you're like, oh, they're like, where are you going next? Perth?

They're like, why are you going to Perth? And I'm like, because it's my tour. I don't know. And they're like, they basically describe like a village. You're like, oh, village. And then we flew to Perth and I was like, oh, this is amazing. Like the hotel was amazing. The show was incredible.

Hannah Gatsby was at my hotel. Oh, did you say what's up? No. So Hannah Gatsby, who of course had the international, sensational, special, Nanette, right, that like blew up some standing outside of the hotel in Perth, which is, by the way, by far the best hotel of the tour. Amazing hotel. Path.

Como, the Treasury, I think that's what it's called, unbelievable hotel. It used to be a mint, like a Treasury building and it's converted to a hotel. So like, it's just super cool, right? So waiting out front, we're going to go to dinner, full charge and Charney, the tour manager. So we're standing out front, or I'm standing out front waiting for them to come down. I'm like 15 minutes early. I see a car pull up.

And it's just, you know, like a blacked out windows, like obviously a chauffeur, right? Car. I'm just like standing waiting and I see the driver get out of the door and I see Hannah Gatsby get out and then another lady get out the other side. And when I see her, I'm like, oh, in my mind, I go, I should say hello. And then like, I got beat, like a second of thinking comes and I go, she doesn't want to meet me. Like, there's no way.

She's no interest in me. It was really great to meet you. So I'm like, oh, I should just, I should leave her alone, you know, like a getaway. She's on like, just let it leave her alone. But then I see her in the lobby. Then the next morning I go down for breakfast, right? I'm all, we're extra time zone screwed again because not only we've flown to Australia, but now we're in Western Australia.

So it's another three hour time zone chain. So I'm sitting down there. She had just finished her breakfast at the neighboring table. So I just sit at the next table and I'm like saying hi. And then Hannah and her lady come and sit at the next table. And I'm like, again, I'm like, I should say hi, right? And then I'm like, that's the point. Yeah, I go like, she would be like, she's like, so what?

Yeah, like, I don't like you. You think she wouldn't like you? I don't know. I feel like I feel like I'm a nice guy and nice enough to meet and I would be obviously nice. But I feel like if I was like, this is who I am, like I'm a comedian too. And then she'd be like, oh, but you're like the kind of comedian I despise. Yeah, you're kind of on the other team.

You know what I'm saying? You're not really a social justice. I felt, I felt, I felt actually conflicted about it. Yeah, I hear you. I was like, I should say hi. And then I was like, no, she doesn't want me to say hi. Yeah, I know what you're saying. There are certain comedians too that I don't think I would.

I'd be like, they wouldn't be jazzed to meet me. Right. So I go, I was like, I'll just let her have her time and you don't need to say. Yeah, you don't need to say. I don't know if that was the right decision. It's just how I was. Yeah. Well, sometimes when I get real excited about the celebrity and I'll go up to them and I

be like, I don't care if you want this or not. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to ruin your day. I always feel like I'm in that circle, that fraternity with comedians that you say hi no matter what. Yeah. I've approached all types of comedians that I didn't know. We ran into him in Hawaii, you remember?

Rob Schneider. We ran into Rob Schneider in the lobby. We just sat down and talked to him. I've never had a conversation with him before. Talked to him for 20 minutes. That's how I mean, I had that story on that this is not happening where I met Bruce Bruce on that flight, but I just saw him and I was like, oh, I'm going to talk to you. Well, I feel like Hannah Gatsby, let's be honest, is a lot smarter than us.

Probably way more just like empathetic than we are to certain things. You know what I mean? I doubt her podcast would open on the kind of clip we play. Well, we're going to get into it here in a moment. I just feel like, yeah, she's like way nicer and stuff. What I was saying was, here's what I thought was, she's having a good time. Right. She's having a romantic or appears to be getaway and it's like, do I need to throw this into

her pot of a weekend? Right. You know what I mean? It's not like she's like, God, I wish this guy would say hi. That's true. She wasn't looking at you like, are you going to come over here, cigar or not? She wasn't. She didn't let her have her time with her lady.

There was one point in the table where we were sitting at that I felt like she looked over and laughed and I told that to the tour manager, I was like, oh, I think she just looked over here and laughed like for whatever, but you know, those things can be in your head. What do you think the laugh was about? I don't know. I don't know. Because we were talking about touring and we're right next to her.

So, you know, because she's a tour manager, so we were talking about. Right. You think she overheard you, Hannah? She was like, these guys, do they not even know I'm right here? I don't know. Oh, I don't know. Oh, this is the other funny, the hilarious thing. So we're being driven.

You get driven everywhere, right when we do like the international tours. Of course. You don't want to drive in Australia. It's on the outside of the road. No, no, no, no. It's but it's not just that. It's that like the tours are put together by a big promotion company and the promotion company covers everything.

So that's part of the deal. They put they cover your flights, hotels, transportation. They arrange for it all like you don't do any. It's really great. Easy. Very easy. So but you have different drivers. So we're on our way full charge and I are on our way to a show in Melbourne, the show

there. And we have a driver older guy, I would say, you know, in his sixties. So he's driving. And you know, we're I go, oh, hey, we're going to New Zealand in a few days. And it's just like a general thing to get like an Australians person. I go, what's what's New Zealand like? What are New Zealanders like? And he's like, they're poor.

Oh, my God. I was like, what? He goes, they're they're really poor men. Most of them are really struggling. It's not. And I was like, really? He goes, oh, yeah, it's a it's pretty rural. Not a lot going on there.

And a lot of people are kind of in a in a bad place. He goes, I don't know if, you know, guys like us, I don't know, I was like, guys like us. What? And he goes, well, you know, Anglo-Saxons was like, I haven't heard that term in a while. Who's in New Zealand? I thought it was all kind of. Well, I mean, what he was implying, first of all, is that guys like us who are Anglo-Saxons, which think about using that expression, he was saying white guys, it's not our favorite

spot. And I was like, huh? And then he goes, I go, I go to I go fly fishing there, it's great for fly fishing, but that's about it. Geez. And I was like, where am I going? You know, like, I don't know that much about New Zealand other than, you know, Lord of the Rings.

Right. So I was like, oh, Jesus. Then we go to New Zealand and we stay on a yacht harbor of just yachts. Oh my God. And I was like, wow, this is really shitty, huh? And then they're like, oh, they're preparing for the America's Cup. So there's also some sailboats over here. And I was like, okay.

And then I go for a walk and it's just like, I don't know, a million dollar condo after a million. I was like, who's this fuck? I tell the story to a New Zealand driver and he was like, I wish that guy was here. I know. That's so stupid. Well, I was just, you know. That sounds so wealthy.

Wait, so, but most importantly, and I think the audience is so curious, how are your browns? Well, it's interesting that you, I was, I was trying to get into this cutting out sugar again and like carbs and I did for the most part, I actually did something that I don't normally do, which was like, I was kept having like glasses of wine with dinner. Really? Yeah. I think when, you know, you're, when you're abroad, it's like, it's relaxing, it's tired and the end of the day.

So I had like pretty, pretty normal ones, you know, for the most part, I will say that since I got back, I decided to completely eliminate that stuff. So I've been like pretty much all protein and fat and some pretty explosive diarrhea has been happening, including at school today or some school drop off. We just, we just had it. We pulled up and I was like, I, I really have to take a shit and I, we walked our son into school and I was like, why don't you walk him to class and I'll use the adult bathroom. Because there's one in the teacher's lounge.

That's it. The bathroom is in the teacher's lounge for guests. Yeah. And guess what, at 8.45 in the morning, the teachers are hanging out in the lounge. Like they're, they're gossiping, they're making coffees, they're having snacks and I was pacing outside of it because I wanted them to leave. And the principal was like, hi, Tom, I was like, hey, and then I finally. But that's the thing is, so I put Alice in the classroom and then I come out and you're

still hovering in front of the teacher's lounge and I go, go in there, just go shit because you're gonna, you're gonna, it's an emergency. You were very seldom are you like, it is code red, I, or code brown rather, I need to go now. Yeah. So I go, just go, who cares? Go blow it up. Yes.

And what happened? So you go in there. Well, I go in there and the lady who had just asked me like, how are you doing? I was like, I'm fine. I see her and she's like, hi, I was like, can I use the bathroom? So now she's like, oh, this guy's got a real situation. Of course. Because when a guy comes in, yeah, because you guys can pee anywhere, but you can't

brown anywhere in public. That's the thing. It's all women. It's different when you're like, you shit in front of a bunch of women. It's just different, man. So I, and I knew what was in here. I could feel the bubbles, you know, I could feel it. I knew what it was.

So I just, I go in there. It's fucking two feet from them. It's like right there. How come you're shy? You're shy around these women and never around me. You're special. You're a different person. How come I get all the glory?

Because you're, I love you. I'm not even a woman to you anymore. What are you talking about? I feel like because I'm, you say there are those around those women, but because I'm not a lady. I don't have, I don't get the privilege. You're my main lady. So I get all the farts and all the browns.

You are given the gift of everything that is me. That's a gift. Yeah. You don't like gift. I wish you thought of me as a woman. I do think you wouldn't do this. You would miss it. You would miss it.

No, I just think I would. Your brown smells very particular. It's a sour brown smell. Well, it smells like sour. Was high on the sour chart. Yeah, I bet. Wait. So go, so wait, hold on.

So they're, they're all making their coffee and they're chatting and then you're in there just dumping. I, I knew what I had. I knew, I knew it was going to be quick and nasty. And so I, I went in there, I hear them. They're like, oh, and then in room six. Oh my God, I shut the door. I look on the wall.

There's no fan or light or anything. It's just dead silent. Because women don't really do that. Something like, oh fuck, the window is open. So I go, thank God. And then I go, I just run the sink and I just go for a flush and shit, you know, to kind of mask it. So I go flush, shit.

I just feel just such an explosion. And then I try to clean up quickly. And I turn around and I do, I stand up to, to leave and I see that the toilet's all brown. Wow. It's all brown. And then I spray and then I made a quick exit, like a real quick exit where I didn't say hi to anybody on the way out.

No, no eye contact. No, but I was like, oh my God, I'm so ashamed. That's so funny. And they're all talking about it. You know, they're like, you know, the top screw, the comedian. Do you know the guy that shits? You know, Ellis's dad just took a dump in the, in the conference center. Yeah.

Oh man. Well, big news. I got to tell you though, I've missed you. It's been very, you know, the kids got sick, everybody got sick without you around. And I've been on the talk a lot. And I came across this one that really tickled my fancy. It stuck with me. I've been thinking about it for three days now.

I send it to you. I've been on it now. And I just want to play it for the audience because it really stuck a cord with me. I have feelings about it. Yeah. This one ended up being the, let's see, I think it's. Is she there? I think it's here.

I think this is it. So my Polly people, isn't it just the most amazing feeling when your partner finds a new girlfriend or a new partner and you get to just soak up all that NRE and knowing that somebody loves your other half as much as you do and waking up, they're still asleep and seeing their phone going off, knowing that that's their new love, just sending the messages and waiting for them to get up in the morning. My husband found himself a girlfriend. It's one of our best friends and I am so incredibly happy.

I can't share this on Facebook. Why? Why not? I get to share it here because I just can't hold it in. She's so amazing and they're so great together. That sounds cool. I love seeing them holding hands and my Polly people, what's been your favorite thing? Well I can tell you as a Polly person that I've experienced that joy many times.

Have you? I'm still sleeping and then my phone's lighting up and it's like I see it and you don't have the lock on so it's like what to do, bring that, what's that pussy doing? Because someone else loves me as much as you do. Someone who we've been together for 15 years and this new, our best friend. Our best friend loves you as much as fucking my wife. So cool. It's such a cool feeling.

It feels like my worst nightmare. All this sounds so horrible. How forced? It's so forced. Do you think her brain is playing a trick on her? Let me tell you. It's great. Well yeah, because if you look at her mouth, it's pointed down and if you look at how...

Don't do this. What? What do you mean her mouth? You know what I mean? If you look at her, the physical, the eyes, her words are betraying what her body language is saying. It's really apparent. There's sadness.

It looks like really sad. She looks like the most broken, lowest self-esteem I've ever seen. She's fooled herself into thinking this is okay. There's no way she's okay with this. No, she's not okay with it. There's no way. No one is. I don't buy any of that.

If you are, then you're not into the person that you're with. No, you don't care. If you're like, this is awesome, it's because, you know what I mean? If you started dating someone and I'm like, this is awesome, it's because I don't care about you. Of course. You know what I mean? I'd be like, oh, thank gosh.

She's fucking dating someone. This is great, man. I know. This would make me... Hey, why don't you guys go on a trip or something? Yeah, right? Yeah. Ricardo or what's his name going to be, Tom?

My Puerto Rican boyfriend. Ricardo works, yeah. I would be either, I'd probably be both suicidal and homicidal if this fucking happened to me. Really? Oh, I'd kill myself or I'd kill you and the girl. Jesus. I have so many strong feelings, I'm like, ugh, this is terrible.

But I am happy for you when you have a new girlfriend. There's no way this can... You wouldn't be happy for me at all? Real. There's no way. You wouldn't be happy for me at all? I have a girlfriend. You're not happy for me?

And all that, N-R-E? That, by the way, is new relationship energy if you're not well-versed in Holly acronyms. She's fooling herself. There's no way. You know what it is? Is the guy's kind of a P.O.S. and he's talked her into this bullshit lifestyle. You know what I mean? He's bringing her along and she's like, it's just so great.

Can we watch it again? I just... I don't... Watch her body language. Isn't it just the most amazing feeling when your partner finds a new girlfriend or a new partner and you get to just soak up all that N-R-E and knowing that somebody loves your other half as much as you do and waking up. She's a smith.

They're still asleep and seeing their phone going off, knowing that that's their new love, sending the messages and waiting for them to get up in the morning. My husband found himself a girlfriend. It's one of our best friends and I am so incredibly happy. I can't share this on Facebook. Why not? I get to share it here because I just can't hold it in. Jesus.

I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. Facebook. I love seeing them holding hands and my Polly people. What's been your favorite thing? I just love seeing them holding hands. You can't share it on Facebook because she knows a shit storm. Of course. Yeah.

Because you know it's counter everything. Basically, all the stuff we're saying would be written out. She'd be like, there's so many mean messages. Right because on some level, she knows that it's not cool. It's not cool with her, I'm saying. This is insanity. Level. Yeah.

Of course. It's not even okay. Of course it is. No. I like when she corrects herself too. She's like, you know, when your girlfriend, when your husband gets a new girlfriend or a new partner, like we have to be PC even in the Polly thing, you know, just so gross. It's really blows me away.

I'm like speechless. I hate it. I saw a clip of, they won't really add up to here, but you know, everything in Spanish is masculine and feminine, like words are. How dare you. That's how the language works. Yeah. And there was this girl who did an interview on a news show about, and she started using

gender neutral. No. Words in Spanish, but here's the thing, that don't exist. So it doesn't make sense. The word doesn't exist. And the anchor was like, what? He started to like really call her out. It got pretty combative and he was like, you're not even speaking this language that we both

speak. It was pretty great. It's a brand new day. It's a Zimzur day. And she was like, that's how we should speak. And he's like, that's not the language. And then when she would use a certain words that she would say it correctly, he would then try to make that gender neutral.

You know what I mean? Oh gosh. Right. Oh, right, right, right. And she would be like, oh, don't you mean like less cameras? Like it was pretty, I don't know, it was pretty weird. But yeah, this is all nonsense. It is nonsense.

There is no way you're happy for your husband being your best friend. It's just not even possible. I don't know. There's no possible word. What if you did start dating Bert? Oh my God. Oh my God. He's my best friend.

And you started. I love him. I love. Wait, are you happy for Bert and my NRE? Yes. Are you happy about all the texts Bert's been sending me? I'm fine with it. I love that my friend loves you as much as I do.

Yeah. And Leanne, you're with Leanne now, right? I didn't. We didn't go there. You're going to swap. I thought we were going to do a swap. I just thought that you guys were, you and Bert are dating, which is cool. I'm trying to picture you guys.

I don't think I could. Making love. Oh. He's like. Stop. Stop. Tom. Tom.

And that doesn't turn you on. That doesn't make you really hard. I forgot to brush my teeth this year. That doesn't turn you on, but I just want to remind our listeners that Bert is a great guy and we're continuing to be nice to Bert campaign. So don't forget to comment on his posts. Hey, Bert, you got real nice eyes. Hey, Bert, your eyelashes are extra strong.

You have strong eyelashes. That's a cool shirt you decided to wear for this photo today. I wish you would keep wearing them on stage. Your stories are the best on Instagram. You tell. Oh yeah. You have fun stories. Everyone should follow you.

Stuff like that. You're not that short. Yeah. All good things, Tom. All good things. When am I going to get a new boyfriend in our Polly situation? Well, here's the thing. There's different types of boyfriends out there.

You know who would be a cool boyfriend for you? I think it could be... There is this guy. Where is he? This guy. This could be a boyfriend for you. All right. Episode two of Piss Spots.

I want a random road. I'm pulling my dick out. I want a random road. I'm going to piss in this monster can while I talk. I'm on a random road. I should have been a 20-minute drive going on about 50. Yep. I'll tell you what I'm pissing into and I'll tell you where I am.

Cool. By the way, if you didn't realize, this is episode two. What are they doing the first time? Well, it's just a different place, different cup. Oh, yeah. Needed. Much needed. Wait, needed.

So I'm thinking this series is going to be wherever I need to fucking piss when I'm drunk. Oh, he's drunk and driving? Oh, there we go. All right. Cool. Pissing myself. 50 miles an hour and he's drunk.

Let's do what we normally do. We'll pour it out. Oh, actually, you want to see the surroundings? Oh, shit. That's the surroundings. Let's pour it out. It's a hammer. Yeah.

Oh, God. And he peated to a can, a monster can. Oh, my God. That takes skill, no? Yeah, it's kind of. It's one way to look at it. Jeez. This spot, the 102 breakdown lane, I think you would call it, in comparatively to the

seawall. I'd say I'd give it seven. Seven. Very seclusive. I like it. Seclusive. Wait. Is that the word?

Seclusive? Is that a word? Can you Google that? No. Chris, you're smart. Yeah. Seclusive. Is that a word, Chris?

He's a. Secluded is the word he's looking for. Right. But wait a minute, but it's a word comparative, more seclusive, superlative, most seclusive. This guy knows a word I've never heard. There you go. And he's right. If you don't mind.

Oh, sorry. Sorry. He's not done. Sorry. At night time, you got lights on. I don't think it'd be a good piss spot on. Let me zip up. Let me zip up.

There we go. And this is. Pissed to myself. Yeah. Seven. Seven to eight. Pissed bottles. Wow.

Well, that was a really cool video. Now there's a cool guy. Wow. Wait, what episode is this? This is episode two. If you don't mind, please continue tracking future episodes of piss pots, where I'll piss when I'm drunk. What do you think his episode summaries are like?

He's like. In this episode. You just saw it. That is the episode summary. You just saw front to back episode two of piss pots. And I'll just, I'll just, I'll just rank where I just pissed when I'm drunk. And he's in a car. Yeah, he's driving.

He's driving drunk. He's driving. And then he pees into cans. I mean, that's pretty impressive to pee in a monster can, right? The opening is not very large. So does he have a smaller peener? What's going on here, Tom? Well, he pissed all over himself, so don't forget that.

So he might have a totally normal sized dog. He made what one might describe as a drunk decision to piss into a can. On the side of the road, recording himself while drunk. Piss pots. What do you tell the cop? I was, I was doing an episode of piss pots. But I would say good marketing on his end for coming up with a title. Piss pots is a pretty good name for the show.

It's accurate. Yeah. It's pretty cool. Favorite marketing. Pretty cool. All right. So this is really exciting. I got to tell you.

You got that NRE building? I have an NRE with my new girlfriend. But this is, I mean, pretty exciting. What's up there, Chomo? This is your mom's house. You don't like it? There, there. Retard.

What a great take on the lunch. I feel like the world of YMH has been captivated lately by our boys. Now that's a thrill, motherfuckers. To light yourself on fire, light your brain on fire. You know? Huh? Yeah. Doesn't that feel great?

When you're feathering. Oh, it's just so amazing. When you're feathering it, brother, you got to get a good drip on it. I am riveted. I mean, he is just, oh, God, how do you get a job here, you fuckface? Me or a fuckface? So anyways, we did it because everyone's been asking us to do it. So there are two new items in the store.

One is you didn't follow Proto. It's from the Office of Double Agents. That's exciting. You can get that. Oh, my life. We also have. What did you take? When you're feathering it, brother?

Oh, when you're feathering it, brother, shirt, where the hair's on fire, there's a little blood on the lips, and it's just full action. I have a feeling this shirt will take the YMH community by storm. I think so, too. It really touched and tickled my fancy when I saw the look of it. The thing about the YMH shirts is that I feel like it's almost like writing a joke. You know, when you write jokes and you take it up there and it gets like, let's say on a scale of one to 10, it gets like a six, and you're like, you're like, OK, like it's

there's something there. But then you go up there and all of a sudden you hit a nine or a 10. And here's the thing that there's like a thrill to that, like the thrill of that. Yes, that's what we do. That's how I feel about the shirts. Like we put them out and I go, we'll see what happens. And sometimes people are like, yeah, but then something will take off. I feel like Feather in it, brother, is going to be colossal.

The the slogan of 2020, 2020 is all about Feather in it. I'm seeing it everywhere. Everything I do, like I post, I post with those kangaroos and people are like, look like you're Feather in it, brother. So yeah, I feel like it is the well, because you can feather anything. You can feather it. And when you're Feather in it, you're just adding flair. You're just Feather in it, brother.

And I say it to people now and they're like, what are you talking about? And I'm like, you know, and you're Feather in it. And they're like, whatever. But then they kind of say it back to me. Yeah, I get a good drip on it. So you get a feather in it, shit. It's so dumb. I want you to take, when you're Feather in it, brother, yeah, I get a good drip on

it. I didn't say it. Well, especially the phrasing, it really is just finding that combo of words when you're Feathering it, brother. It's like, that is poetry. It is poetry, because you're also, you're being a teacher, you're being a mentor. You know, you're telling somebody else, like, look, Chris has all that hair. He could feather his pretty easy.

Feather the shit out of that, man. Yeah. I mean, you could feather your hair, brother. You could feather it, brother. You know? Wouldn't you feather in it, brother? It's pretty great. Ah, and then he does that, too.

He goes, ah. He went to a feather in it, brother. He went to city council. You're kidding me. And he, no, he did not. He spoke about, they're all like, what the fuck? Wait, as a civilian or as a double-double agent? So I would like to thank you for having a great police chief and a great sheriff.

And you guys are getting this stamp on your face, which is a real great thing, you know? So thank you very much. Can you tell me if I can get a police report on this with normal counsel out there? With this woman? That's tribal land? Okay. Well, you got tribal cops needing some feds to come see them, because I'm going to arrange that if I can with everything I know.

What? Yeah. So he's at a city council meeting the town of Parker. Do you know where that is? I don't know where that is. Town of Parker. No, let me see if I can figure that out. Where we could get a location on this guy?

City council looks to be quite impressed with the retired double agent in front of them. He has his glasses on the podium where the, I don't know what these are called, on the frames here that goes over your ear. They appear to have blades on the back of them. What? I mean, they kind of did. Wait, where are you seeing that? It was sitting on the...

That's what those are? I would like to thank you for having me. Those are his glasses? Yeah. A great police chief and a great sheriff. And you... What? That's metal.

Those are metal glasses. Oh my God. Those are his glasses. Oh, it's Arizona blue band sing. Wait a minute. Yeah. Okay. So let's study this because I'm just seeing this now really for the...

I thought it was a bike handle. So it looks like he's got glasses taped with no lenses and then razor blades. And he also has a pouch that says baby raper on it. Yikes. And then he goes, you guys are lucky you're not getting the stamp on your face. He says that to like six city council people and there's a policeman sitting right there like, ah. What is his point?

He's like, you're lucky. That's a good thing. None of you guys are getting the stamp on your face, which is a real great thing, you know. It's a real great thing that you guys, by the way, you can look at it as a real positive for you guys. That you're not getting the baby raper. But he's letting them know that they're not going to get the stamp today. Is that why he visited a city?

I don't know. He said he wants a police report. I don't know where it goes. This cuts off here. Does it go somewhere? Yeah. It means there abruptly. It does?

Oh, here's the thing. You didn't realize because I was, I was looking at these. He uploaded separate videos for each beat of this, so each video is about this duration and it's a separate upload. Interesting way to do it. Yeah. Maybe he's parsing out that monetization or something. He's doing a slope.

You know, it's actually a pretty smart YouTube strategy dude. He talks to this. He talks to that. If you go to his page right now, if you go to the page that you found this on, you can see that like the next upload is just a, like go to that page though. You know that it's, that it's uploaded on. Yeah. A channel called Filthy Churches.

Yes. And then it's everything from like hit videos, right? Filthy churches. And he actually... See how there's like multiple things from that day. It's all from that day. And then it keeps going. There's a cop outside.

He talks to that guy. What's interesting though is that he labels these with titles, unlike Robert Paul Champagne who just does the numbers. Right. Oh, this is, exactly. This is much more, like what is this title? Tribal police white guys trashed a native woman, had her naked for patients to see. Hmm.

It sounds like an intense episode. Yeah. He's trying to pick up on that algorithm. He's trying to rip the clothes off of a woman and allow other patients to observe her breast hanging out at least and grossing the hell out of me. Is that... Something I have to say about it is the town of Parker has nothing to do with the positive thoughts.

Yeah. All right. Well, it's just, I would like to say your police. I've screened city after city for 50 laps around this country. Your sheriff's ain't doing this kind of crap. Well, he is doing a public service. He's going around the nation making sure they're following Proto. What's the, if you back up one.

Yeah. I go to that. What's the next one? Is it that one? And then he talks to the police outside. See, isn't that a cop? That's the cop who was sitting in the room. You see?

All over the nation and like I said, I've taken cop after cop down in this country. Even chief of police is for arson, sergeants, everything you can imagine. Prichard and the hospital together was in on this crap together. Okay. They wanted me to see her because these are cam shades and I don't go too many places without them being on. Okay. But there is a hippo violation.

You can't be doing that in hospitals. It's a good... Well, that's, those are cam shades, Tom. And then... You didn't know that? So... Why didn't you know that? You guys, do you know how I could probably do that, chief?

Personally, I would start with the chief dinner. He's a new chief. Okay. He's a new chief. Okay. All through what I... All right. Okay.

Ah! Yeah. I mean... He's following Proto, but this guy's following Proto. That smoker's really doing the work. Yeah. He's just claiming to take dirty cops down. He is testifying.

Yeah. The city council's being like, this is my job. I do this. He is the fed smoker. He really is. He's not a false fucking blood. No. He's not.

He's not a false... No. He's really... Yeah. Holy shit, man. Yeah. He's really spending time on this. He's like, how do I take care of this?

In between feathering it, he follows Proto. I mean, if... I wonder if they would be interested at the city council of watching him remove his teeth or get it... Yeah. Of course. Or go to Falcon Kar-Wa. Of course.

What I love is that this is... Su-woo. This is the first video where they're all watching him, and then by the third video, they're all avoiding eye contact. Well, it's also... It's hard to remember when you're watching this that he's being him like this and holding a phone. Yeah.

So... So I take down dirty cops all over the country. Why the intensity of the talking? Like, why is it like this? You know? What's going on? I think you just have to... You've got to be intense in this world.

You can't be passive. Do you think it's the meth? The meth, I mean... Because Drew said he's taking meth, yeah? I don't want to be lumped in an accusatory tone towards the fed smoker, so I would say I think he's just a real intense dude like David Goggins. Yeah. Oh, sure.

Yeah, just on that level. Just on that level. Like a marine. Getting shit done. That's what I'm saying. They have a drive to them. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Gene. Intensity. Yeah, go ahead. We had Sarah Gamble in here. Oh, my life. I became obsessed with you, this show on Netflix last year, and I got you into it. And then now we're in the world. And season two dropped.

Even better than season one, if that's possible. I didn't think it was possible, and I do think it is true. It's so good. It is so good. And I even DMed Sarah. I did too. And I was like, dude, I don't know how you did it. She's like, have you finished it yet?

I go, I'm like, not yet. She's like, it's about to get crazy. And it really... Did you watch it, native? Yeah. It was great. Great season. Holy shit, dude.

I really didn't think, because when that ended, I was like, oh, this feels like this could be like a one-off. Like, season one can live on its own as a story, right? You're like, where's it going? There's definitely a beginning, middle, and end, and you know, crazy way that it ends, you feel like, OK, it's like a movie. And you go, that's the end of the movie. And then there's season two.

You're like, how's this going to end? They really took it to another level. They really feathered it. They feathered it hard. They feathered it hard. They feathered the shit out of that. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I really... They feathered the fuck out of that. Now, by the way, they announced they're doing season three. Oh, I can't wait. What if they include Fedsmoker in season three? That's the only way to top it. That would be the best.

If Will, AKA Joe, is like, I have a new roommate, and he's like, are you bringing that stinky trot over here to clean the house? Oh, this new roommate, I love it. Oh, he's so aggressive. So annoying. He's lighting himself on fire. Fedsmoker, why do I wake up with a baby raper stamp on my face? He's like, because he's been not feathering it, brother.

And I like his love interest as well. She's such a great actress. She's phenomenal. I love her mouth. She's got great teeth, and the way her mouth moves, I really enjoy watching her talk. And... Do you know what I'm saying? I know it's not stupid, but I really enjoy it.

That you've been watching her just speak. And the building manager, you know, the Latina that I... Fantastic. Fantastic. Now, I've also been... You got me to watch Parasite. No thank you. Thank you for ruining my night.

Have you seen that one? No, not yet. I've heard amazing things. Yeah. I need to rent it when I get home. It's a good... I see what Tom likes about it. Let me just say that.

I see what Tom enjoys. Wait, wait, wait. Yeah. Hold on a second. Sure. We always say to this that like, this is Tom's work. This is Juan the Golden Globe, Oscar nominated. Don't care.

International sensation. Couldn't care less. Wait, you're trying to say this is not a good film? I think it's done really well, but for me, it made me sad and depressed. Yes. And angry. Yes. And it stressed me out.

Yes. And I didn't feel good watching it. Yes. I didn't like it. That's the fucking movie. That's the fun of it is to feel stressed out and angry and sad. Yes. It's an experience.

You watch that movie, you go through an emotional roller coaster, it is an experience. You actually... Yeah. I mean, here's the thing. It's such an original story. You know what I mean? It is very original. You watch it and you're like, oh my, and I've said it before, but the whole thing I look

for when I watch a movie is I want to be surprised. Every movie is a fucking blueprint, carbon copy of the... The movie starts and you're like, I know who these are, I know where the story's going. You know what I mean? You waste two hours and you're like, yeah. I knew that was going to happen. It was fine. I knew the whole thing.

I knew it from the beginning. No, it's good, but it put me in a sad place. It put me in a weird mood. Yes. I just got bummed. I got a little bummed. That's what I live for. I know.

Dracula on Netflix, have you watched anyone? It's so fucking good, you guys. Check out Dracula. It's like three movies. It's not going to bum me out. It's fucking Dracula. It is, but he's great. You're going to love it.

It's kind of a newer take on it. It's fantastic. Man, Aerosight keeps you on your fucking toes. You are the whole time just like, I can't believe you're doing this. I can't believe you're not in it. You're not celebrating what this guy did. Maybe I was in a weird mood. I think I was alone in the house.

You were far, far away. I was feeling sad that you were gone, a little scared. I don't need to see stuff like that when I'm feeling vulnerable. That movie has made me want to dive into Korean films more. Oh, okay. I'll do that with you. Yeah. I love Korean stuff.

Yeah. I love them. I like Koreans. I like the Korean soap operas. Is your new boyfriend Korean? Totally. We have that NRE. Are you so excited for us?

I am so happy. You know when your wife starts dating a new Korean man and that NRE is filling up your house. And he's your best friend too. That's the best part. And Bobby leaves just at your house and he's with your wife. But you're like, I love Bobby and he loves her as much as I do. How much do you like it when you know that I've come home from just having sex with Bobby?

You smell NRE on me. Babe, I like I take a shower first and you know I'm just washing him off of me and stuff. I go, don't wash him off. I want some too. Give me some of that kimchi. You know what else I've been into on the TLC, the learning channel is thousand pound sisters and I've got to get you on there because it's combined they weigh a thousand pounds. One is 600 and one is 400 and one has so is so fat that there's fat on her forehead.

Do you Google the photos for them? You got to see these two and they drink their sodies every day. Oh my God. I'm guessing six bills is on the left. Yep, there's still six bills and the one on the right is married and has a relationship. The one on the left, not so much. Okay, so what's the? Well they're going to try and get their stomachs stapled.

What's the trauma all about? Oh yeah, their mom was a real piece of shit unsupportive. Dad left them. There's so much trauma and the best part is they meet the mom to announce what they're going to do the stomach stapling and the mom is like, good luck, y'all never stuck with anything before like totally dream crushing them. Cool. Yeah.

Hey, we're finally going to go for it to try to get healthy. Wow, you've always been losers. That's right. Pretty much that's what the mom says. Cool mom. I'm like, you guys need a lot of therapy. They definitely do and she does have a. See how fat her forehead is?

It's crazy. Yeah. The bone structure of her face has changed. She looks special. It's so crazy. Have you seen that? It's so crazy. Have you seen on Instagram, Adele lost weight.

Did you hear that? No. She lost a bunch of weight and anyway, there's people on Instagram that are like, don't fat shame Lizzo or so and so because she's still healthy even though she's overweight and I'm like, I'm pretty sure that's not true. I don't think being overweight is healthy. Am I crazy here? No, you're not crazy.

I mean, it is weird when somebody is notably overweight and people are like, it's fine. It's good. You know, yeah. It's like to say that it's healthy. It's it's no, no way and I've talked to our physician who's a really, really bright physician and he's, I've brought this up to him and he's like, it's never, it's not okay ever. You're not supposed to be.

It's not good for you. It's not even, even he told me, he's like, you need to lose. I need to lose face. He's told me every time in very direct terms, he's like, do you think it's good that you're overweight? I'm like, no. So I know when there's somebody who's like a hundred pounds overweight and people are like, it's awesome.

Like, no, it's not. That's what the culture is saying. And then there's these Instagram posts, remember, I sent you the video where they're like, I love my curves. I love how I fit in these jeans. Like, no, you don't. I'm fat and I'm black and it's awesome. Right.

It's like, what? I mean, and like, I don't apologize for these curves. Those aren't like curves. You're really obese. Yeah. You need to not be that fat. You absolutely either have or will have serious health complications because of how curvy you are.

You're not curvy. Well, I can't. It doesn't feel good to be overweight. No. It doesn't feel good at all. I'm going through diarrhea, intense diarrhea right now to try to shed some pounds. I know. I'm drinking the Cardi B tea.

I'm trying not to eat like a pig because I could be a thousand pound sister like that. I have it in me. I want to be a thousand pounds. It's a struggle. Yeah. You got to fight to fight. It is helpful when people are like positive with you about it. That is the truth.

You know, like if people are like, it's great that you're doing this, hey, you know, keep working out, keep eating healthy, you know, celebrating and pushing you along the way in a healthy way for your mind. But the whole denial and dance of delusion that people do is crazy. Dude, you can be 350. And you know what? I think you look great. No, you don't.

No, you don't. You don't look great. You don't look great and you're not doing well. It doesn't feel good. You're going to get diabetes for sure. You're going to die before other people. Right. But now do you know that the culture is like, if you say that about obese people, you're

fat shaming and you're not letting them love themselves. If you're like, hey, you're probably going to get diabetes, you're going to be sick or like, no, that's not true. I'm healthy. Here's what you're doing now. You're shaming people who have decided to give up. And what people are saying is like, it's OK to give up. That's essentially what this conversation is about.

Because there's people who just go, I don't want to try. I don't want to make a diet change or a lifestyle change. I'm overweight and like, I'm just going to stay like this. And then people go, we should have acceptance for that. Here's the truth. We should not. I don't think so. We should not.

Well, that's like saying we should have acceptance for people that are just like, I'm going to give up and be a heroin addict. Like, no, you shouldn't fight the fight. Fight the fight. You should fight the fight. Well, I actually, it's funny because by the way, this is not coming from a place I'm better than this coming from a place like of somebody who's struggled with this my entire adult life.

Right. I'm always either up or down. But I hope like I've always tried to get to the point where like, I'm going to try. Of course. Bitches be snapping back after they have babies. I'm on the snapback now. I'm working hard for my snapback. But I offered actually somebody, remember, I, because I'm doing weight watchers and

I offered it to someone of my relatives for free. I go, I'll do this with you. And she, she refused it. She goes, no, I want, I like to eat and I want to stay fat. It's exactly what we're talking about. It's saying, I accept, I accept this lifestyle, which you go, why can't people? Yeah, you can. You can and you've, and people do, but don't dress it up.

Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Like if you, you know, I mean, if you want to do that, fine, but don't dress it up. Be like, and it's, and it's good. And it feels good. It feels good. And I still think I look good. You look terrible.

Terrible. You look terrible and you look unhealthy and you're going to die before everyone else. It's true. And you're going to have more problems. It's so true. No, I agree. I agree. And speaking of people who have given up, I took a photograph of a man in the pharmacy

the other day I was standing in line. Nadeff, can you please put this photo up on the screen? I had such strong feelings when I saw this man and the way he dressed. And I just want to go over this with you. Do you see what I see? Yes. Can you describe it for the audience and let's, let's go through it bit by bit. Our boat shoes, their leather boat shoes, the kind of shoes you wear on a

dock in Florida and yeah, he's got shorts on. Here's what I. But what does he not have on? What is missing? Well, you don't wear socks with those. Why not? Oh, because your boat, because you're on a boat and. Yeah, those are like.

You should be. Those aren't. Yeah, those are barefoot shoes. They're designed to be worn like that. They, here's the thing, 100 percent smell. Yes, that's all I can think about shoes stink. That's all I can think about. Like a dead guy's dick.

They don't smell good. I'll tell you that doesn't smell good. It does not smell good. That's all I can think of is how disgusting his feet smell and his wife has to smell those feet when he takes the shoes. Those are the kind of like those are the kind of shoes you can smell. If they, if you take them off when you walk by the room, you can be like, the fuck is that those are those shoes?

And if he wore those all day and then like sat on the couch and put his feet up on an Ottoman across the room, you'd be like, Hey. You need to go take a shower. Yeah, because that's the deal you're making with a devil is when you decide to go sockless on those shoes. Those don't breathe. They don't. They're not breathable.

So the sweat sits in there. Yeah. And the leather makes them sweat more and they just carry an intense bacteria and smell to them. Yeah. And the same with toms. If you've ever worn a pair of never worn them, I used to like them, but then they make your feet real sweaty and smell.

There's like nylon. Again, right? Cloth, a cloth and again, no breathing. Not breathable. Yeah. And it's just, so basically if you're buying these, I thought these were called top ciders. Now, what is a top cider?

I don't know. And what is a moccasin? I feel like these are in that moccasin world. Yes. It's in that same world of, of like nerd shoes or just like uppity white people's shoes, right? Like nerds wear these, right? Yeah.

These are for dorks. Top ciders, nerds. Yeah. Like in the eighties. Yeah, geeks wore this stuff. Yeah. Perhaps. No, this reminds me of Florida.

I had a pair of these when I was in Florida. People would just, you know, this is, this is a part of the game. Yeah, I don't like them. I don't miss them. I'll tell you that. I don't, I'm filled with shame and regret right now. I just don't like seeing a man not wear socks. Anytime I'm out in public and he's not wearing socks or a shoe.

I don't wear that's also a big that not this style, a cooler style, but that's very prevalent is Miami. In Miami, they're like you're a fucking chomo. Yeah. If you don't have sockless, right, like slip on. That's part of the gear. Well, you have to have an outfit. No flip flops one thing, but I'm saying like you're going to someone's

beach party condo, you got to wear slide on shoes with no socks. You look like a dork if you have socks there. That's true. You know, you're wearing, it's like a beach culture thing, you know. But yeah. Well, this was in the San Fernando Valley. Yeah. This guy, we got to get him out.

It was cold out too. Like I don't think so. That's actually in his favor then at least at least it was cold out. But I love that you made took note of this. I did it because I had such a visceral reaction and he's very pale and pasty. And I imagine that his feet are pink like a pigs. OK, put them in those disgusting lot of P's there. Pale and pasty.

Yeah, yeah, it's an alliteration. Yeah, I really like that. Or an auto as an automotor. Take it down, please. Alliteration. Yeah, disgusting. Please how white that guy is going to fucking vomit. Yeah.

Also, I wanted to bring up. Yeah. On my show where my mom's at, you know, we were discussing someone. Someone wrote in an email saying that my husband does the laundry. And if there's something that needs to be done in the house, he'll he'll just do it. Like, for instance, if one of us walks by a pile of dirty dishes, we'll just do it. And if I do the laundry, my husband will fold the laundry. And I was just wondering because, you know, I like to talk.

I'm curious about other people's homes and how they do stuff. And it was brought up on the show that maybe I could suggest it to you if we could start kind of being a little more equitable in the division of duties around the house. Are you being serious right now? Is this a joke? It's being serious because I said that I would ask you and then video the response. But I feel like we should just do it on why I'm H.

OK, no, really? No, what are you talking about? You wouldn't fold the laundry. No, I know. And I said this, too. I'm like, there's no way because in 15 years, I've never seen you fold laundry. Not what's not. And it's not going to happen tomorrow and it's not going to happen in 10 years.

So, yeah, no, the answer is no. I'm not going to. I knew it, though. I knew that's what the answer would be. And I'm not doing dishes. Yeah. No, you haven't. And you've really stuck to that for the last 15 years. You're if anything, you're very consistent.

Well, here's the thing, though. Here's the thing. Yeah. In 15 years, yeah, you're saying that. But you have come to accept that as part of the package deal. Yes, I do. I have a total acceptance of who you are. I know there's things that I've done and I don't do it to be a dick. I'm not like I'm a fucking asshole and a bitch needs to fight like I'm not. Wow. No, you're not like that guy that we played. It was like a woman needs to clean.

No, of course not. I just look, I've always been sloppy. Me, too. I know. And when we were broke and living in the rampart division and like scrapping together money for rent, we lived off of Trader Joe every week. Trader Joe burritos, chicken burritos. Yeah, twice a month, maybe once a month,

we would scrap together $80. Like, you know, we're not going to whatever go out to dinner this week. And somebody will come here and do a deep cleaning of this apartment. Yep. And I just feel like, you know, I've never been the pickup person. I'm just saying who I am. You're not. And I'll tell you, but you know, I don't hate you for it. And this is why on where my mom's at, like I joke about it.

But the truth is we've always had someone else do it. We've outsourced the problems that to make the house happier so that I don't hate you. We outsource it. Same with grocery shopping. There's an Instacart app. If there's something you want, put it in the fucking Instacart or you tell me and I'll put it in and that's fine. Yeah. So we've outsourced those issues. Yeah, I agree.

It's a huge marriage saver. It is because I don't get mad at you for not doing that stuff. You scrap together the cash. Yeah, you just do it. Somebody do the cleaning and you go into debt to get. Yeah. You know what? Oh, you go into debt to get teeth always. Teeth are priority. Teeth and a housekeeper.

Hell, yeah, we both did that. Pay interest. We put it on a credit card. Pay interest. BTDubs, speaking of a dental update. Yours are a little yellow. We do you know that our dentist just up and left? Yeah, we don't have one anymore. Yeah, he's gone.

He just retired and didn't kind of like they didn't know. They sent out messages. They did? Yeah, they sent out messages. Because I called him the other day just out of curiosity. It's gone and so are my x-rays that I just took. So now when we go to the new place, I got to do a full set of new x-rays, which sucks. By the way, it is pretty funny.

And I'm thinking about it now that I would do laundry. No, you would never and like never. And I never handle the dishes. Hilarious. Well, and I have scores of men writing me being like, yeah, it's not a big deal. Like my I'll do the if my this one blew me away. If my wife cooks, I'll do the dishes.

And I was like, never happened. Not I don't think that's ever happened in our lives. Hello. But it's just what I know about you. And I just OK. So I've accepted it. And and look, there are things like that, that you resent and reject from your parents. And there are things that you adhere to and like you kind of copy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just I also I grew up in a house like that. Yeah, it's just something that I was always, you know, like the woman does it. No, it wasn't like that, though. It wasn't like you're a woman. Let's do it. It was a natural kind. Can I tell you something? There is I wish I could remember which comedian said this at the Laugh Factory.

But he was so spot on. I got I wish I could get in credit right now. He goes, you know, a woman stops loving you when she doesn't put a plate of food in front of her man. That's that's what's up. And that is for me, 100 percent true. The minute I'm like, fuck him, he makes his own plate of Thanksgiving dinner or whatever.

The woman doesn't love you. So but for me in our home, when I cook for you and the children and I put a plate of food in front of you and them, that's love. Yeah. Now, I don't like doing them dishes. But look, all all those you take out the trash. I do, I do. You take care of the cars. You do the outside of the house. All those things are also, by the way, nonverbal.

Right. When I was a kid, my sisters would natural like on their own help with those things in the house. Do you know what I mean? Right. They picked it up from your mom. They they just did it naturally. And then I would naturally watch my dad do all the cars. The car, but you'll put gas in the car for me and you'll make sure that that stuff's maintained and blah, blah, blah.

And I think I grew up with that, too, because the European way is very similar. My mother and my stepmother, both cooked for the husband. Your dad. Oh, my dad's a man. Fucking way, he was like, I'll clean up. No way. Never. When I was he might be going more on that, like, you better fucking.

No, it's you better. And I'll tell you from the time I was. Oh, you better, of course. By the time I was 10, I was his maid. I would clean the whole house and he would go play tennis. And then I would come back. He would come back four hours later and I had to clean the whole house. Yeah. No, I was his little lady servant

and I would cook for him and stuff when I was 10. Yeah, that's super good. That seems like kind of a little excessive. Yeah, you fucking bimbo. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that was just because he was a fucking maniac. But yeah, I didn't realize that that guy. I mean, I was reading more of it. I think I saw that.

But he's he's like a legit kickboxer. Yeah. No, really? Yeah. And his dad was a legit chess champion, like a chess master. That sounds right. Yeah. Yeah, it comes from a long line of champions. But just to be clear, I don't do your laundry either. No, our housekeeper does. And here's the thing.

And I don't I don't hold your fucking laundry. She does. So that's why I don't hate your title. I'm fucking lazy. That's why I don't hate you, just so you know, because we outsource. And like, here's the thing. The other day, except the dishes, I left on that trip. I had this clothes that I needed cleaned. I went by myself down to the laundry room, washed it.

Oh, my God. Dried it. Pulled it out of the dryer. Oh, my God. Put it in a suitcase. How did you feel? I felt fine. I just needed to get it done. Yeah. Yeah. It's fine. OK. You lived when Mike.

So in Latin culture, you know, most of that world has help. Yeah, like a living or at least somebody that comes like in the Philippines, too. Yeah. And when my cousin, when my cousins came to study English, he was 23, 23. And I helped him get an apartment here. He's doing English courses at USC. He was like, oh, fuck. And I go, what? He goes, how do I use the laundry machine?

Oh, my God. What do you mean? He goes, I've never used a laundry machine before in my life in my life. And I had to walk him through it. Twenty three year old guy. That's terrible. Well, my kids aren't going to be like that. Ellis already knows how to do it. No, he's going to know.

And he likes a bitch. Get over there and fucking pick that up. OK. All right. Um, finally. Jean, what did I want to tell you? Oh, I wanted to talk to Josh Potter for a second. Oh, my gosh. Josh. Um, let me ask you something if you could.

First of all, you played. Where was it? Wilmington? Well, yeah, how was this past weekend? It was great. Dude, you had sold out shows. Yeah, it was awesome. And thanks to all the Wilmingtonites who came out, all the folks down there. Did you ever go to Wilmington?

I never meant that's coastal, right? Yeah, because it's I thought it might be near your college. No, I was much further west. Where is Wilmington? It's not LA. Oh, OK. Yeah, not LA. Don't care. Go ahead. But the shows were fun.

Yeah, they were fantastic. There was so much fun. That's awesome. The club was great and can't wait to go back. How'd you do in the lady department? There were a few nice ladies in Wilmington. But there was one a couple of weeks ago that that I had some issues with.

Wait, what kind of issues? Well, there was not really an issue necessarily, but it was something, you know, that was fun. You know, I I don't know. I think I heard somebody at the Laugh Factory say one time, like, if she doesn't put a finger in your butt, she doesn't love you. Oh, boy, oh, boy. You know, that old adage.

I do know that played a finger in the butt. Yeah. So I had, you know, she volunteered. That was fun. So wait, can we go through this, though? Yeah. So is is it a finger while blowing you? Is it the reach around while you're banging her? Is it just like? Yeah, while blowing me while blowing you.

Yeah. She puts the finger at middle finger. Yeah, which I couldn't. I'm trying to figure out. It's probably index. It felt like a pointer. Yeah. Is that the index? Yeah. OK. My bad. Yeah. Called it the pointer finger.

Yeah. Yeah. It didn't feel like it definitely wasn't a thumb. You know, I felt that. And so this this was enjoyable while you were. Sure. I take a finger here and there. That's fine. You know, I don't mind. And how far up are we? You know, well, so then I, you know, she was doing a good job at it.

So I was like, you know, you don't have to. You can you don't have to be, you know, shy about it all. What's, you know, see what's going on. Yeah. So then she got a little aggressive. And I forgot that she had like nails on. Oh, like the press ons. I think they were. I don't think I don't.

That's not disparaging to suggest. Perhaps they were fake, but I think they might have been. They were still on when they came out. So that's that's good. That's good. But at one point she goes, oh, my God, I'm sorry. I didn't think I was on my period or anything. And she pointed to a spot on the bed. And I said, oh, no, that's probably probably me.

Me because it definitely got a little too aggressive. At one point and I got a bit of a contusion or no, what's the word when you get a scratch, a fissure, laceration, thank you. Yeah. And you you could feel it. You're like, oh, that hurt. Yeah, I thought I had a cross country flight a few hours later. And that's where it really became apparent.

Was how much blood basic economy is where you find out you had a little scratch in your asshole. I it wasn't a lot, but it was a portion. Now, was the did the laceration feel like it was on the rim outside or internal? It was inside. It was inside. Hondo percent. Do you have hemorrhoids on your anus by any chance?

I don't think so. I think she would have mentioned that maybe. Well, you can feel them, too. I don't feel. No, I don't. By the way, I mean, with in the last, I don't know, six months, you've really been on a fucking tear, man. Yeah, it's crazy. So did you any progress on completion or everything's the same?

Oh, no, everything's the same. Yeah, even that's why I was like, you know, let's test this finger theory out, you know, but no, no dice. So so hold on. Let me just get a clear picture because so for her to really make your butt bleed, she was really going in and out. Well, it doesn't take much to be quite honest with you. I don't know if I never had a nail in there before.

And so found out it doesn't take much. It's a sensitive area, Christine. It is inside your butthole. And this was a this was a road hookup. Yeah. Wow. Roadbeave, huh? Yeah, not Wilmington beef. No, no. OK.

Were you afraid at any time? Did you feel like you had to brown when she was doing that? No, I was pretty evacuated. In fact, because I didn't expect the hookup to occur. And I had a real day. Oh, real road day, if you know what I mean. And you weren't afraid for her to. No, I took two showers before.

Two showers. But wait a minute, because it was that much of a day. But you're saying that you had diarrhea that day and then you allowed someone to finger your butthole. But wouldn't you wouldn't that be kind of a sensitive area to begin with? No, Christina, because you see, I evacuated myself fully. OK. I love the. But I love diarrhea makes your b-hole tender.

No, no, no, that's a serious to me. That's if you have like repetitive. Yeah, you've got some particles in there that's like and then you're wiping over and over super much that you just have like in a, you know, if you're just pissing out your butt, you're yeah, yeah, just like a right. It's like taking a laxative. You just cleaned out exactly. It was one of those.

It's when you want a finger and eat it up because it's so clean. Yeah, exactly. I knew I was like, there's nothing that's dry as a bone down there. You should have been like, what else you got? Can you put your hand up there? Okey-dokey. And has anybody licked your scrum down? Hell, yeah. Hell, yeah. Recently?

No, not recently, not recently, unfortunately. Who's licked your scrum? What kind of a lady? She was older. She was I was like 26. I felt I feel like I've told the story before somewhat, but I've asked him to tell me this story so many times, I could tell the story. I'm like, tell me what it was like, Dad.

She was like, is it like PAPA? Did they bring bread and water and everybody had some? He's told me this story at my request. I'm like, Josh, tell it again. Oh, stop it. I'm serious. OK, well, now I've also, by the way, Christina, I'll have you know, because since you brought up to Kate Kennedy, you were like, girls, don't do that.

Blah, blah, blah. I've had many girls. I've had a many reach out and say that they do, in fact. They reach out just to tell you. Yeah, they're like, I'll do that. And I say, well, hey, I hope I get to your town soon. Let me say something. Nasty girls.

How do you even keep what's going on organized? You have a spreadsheet? Honestly, man, are you like, it is. I will be in Houston on March. Like, how do you do it? Well, I once I get a DM where and then we strike up a convoy. If it goes to that point, I then find out a where they're located. And then I get on the email and I go, I got to find a venue in this town.

You know what I'm saying? So and then I have a few pins on the map that I need to get to. By the way, is it all in the head where they like, let's say you set it up. And then, you know, some time goes by. Are you like, oh, who was where? Or like, do you know what I mean to you? Oh, I wish it were that the volume were that expansive. But you actually get them all.

Yeah, but you keep it organized. Yeah, I mean, yeah, sure. OK, all right. Well, of course. Good thing is you guys are getting this stamp on your face. So how's your be-hole now? It's better. Is it still bleeding?

No, it's better. It was a while ago enough where it's healing, but it took a little while. It was a cross country flight was rough. Yeah, yeah. So this lady was in Boston. Now, speaking of Boston, I don't think you're familiar with it, but there is on Netflix, a recently, a documentary series came out about Aaron Hernandez, he was, of course, the star tight end for the champion

multi-time Super Bowl champion Patriots. This was one of the most incredible national stories that broke out a few years ago, because when he was arrested, he was definitely an A-list player, a pro bowler. He had signed a 40 million dollar contract. He's on the Patriots, which is like, you know, the team of teams that's just always winning, winning, winning, and he was arrested for a murder. Wow. The documentary did an amazingly well done.

By the way, they also I don't mean to jump around, but the Boston Globe did an audio version a few like a year or so before that is incredible. It's like a six part audio version. You can go on YouTube and listen to it. But the documentary on Netflix is incredible. And one of the things that you it's basically like breaks down. Like how how did this guy end up here? Yeah.

And it goes back to his childhood. He grew up in Bristol, Connecticut. He was the son of a an alpha male star athlete. And his father died when he was a teenager in high school. And a lot of people who have studied him and his life feel like this is a big turning point, you know, a big turning point in his life where things really change for Aaron. He didn't have that figure in his life anymore and he was lost.

And it's almost like he was, you know, kind of stopped the trauma, made his brain kind of stop evolving then. Like even when he was in his 20s and all this stuff happened, he did in a lot of ways behave like a teenager, you know, like he was. But it also reveals this this documentary in more detail that Aaron was at the very least probably bisexual or just gay. Right. I mean, I'm saying that because he had, you know, a fiance and a child and he had

was around women, but he had a relationship with his high school quarterback. And that guy was like, yeah, we hooked up. And that was the guy with his dad, too, right? That was the coach where he was like, it's it's fine now that he's gay. But back then that was not pleased. Yeah, he was like, I would not have. I was not a fan of them. And now he's right here.

But then you see that, like when you when you watch the whole piece, you kind of go, holy shit, this was what feels like this incredibly gifted athlete who's who so was ashamed and in fear of it being revealed that he was gay, that all these things were a cover, right? Didn't it kind of feel like that? Well, yeah, like it was all an ingredient to live a dual life almost, you know, right, but it almost felt like the like everything, like the the tats, the way he behaved, the aggression, ultimately murdering and then and finally committing

suicide were all tied into being repressing this thing. That's what I was wondering if I was jumping to conclusions, because the documentary didn't really like hit that nail like on the head, right? It wasn't obvious throughout the whole thing. They would bring up a couple of stuff here and there. Then they would be like, and then he was gay also. And you'd be like, huh, OK, and you're trying to piece it together. And it never really looped around like, did Odin Lloyd were Odin Lloyd and him

doing stuff? Well, yeah, that that doesn't become obvious. I mean, there's there's things that like another thing that they revealed was when he died, he hung himself in prison like the day after it became news that somebody was saying they had a gay relationship with him. Have you seen the guy that was saying it to that was talking about it? The guy in jail. He looks like if like Justin Bieber and Post Malone were to have like a baby

together, he's like a tatted up Justin Bieber almost. You know, yeah. Yeah, he's a real white rapper kind of guy. Yeah. Aaron was such a good looking guy. Yeah, this guy. They were he was talking like we wouldn't love and shit like he was saying all kinds of stuff in an interview.

But people are saying some some of his shits talking tales out of school. So yeah, he could he wasn't in the documentary. So that's what's confusing to me. Yeah, I mean, it could have been there could be multiple reasons why they couldn't get him in the documentary, you know. Yeah. Isn't it terrible though? Like if Aaron Hernandez was just openly gay as an NFL player doing the things

that he was doing. Oh my God, he would have had like a gay holiday named after him. Oh my God. At this point, if he was mature and comfortable with it and not, you know, not insecure about it, not writing himself, not self loathing about it. Yeah, he would be he would be like he'd be on the cover of, you know, Time Magazine. He'd be like on the quarter. Yeah, it would be that the culture is so homophobic, right?

Yeah, but I feel like there would be a couple of people, you know, the people that's like get mad when Cam Newton smiles, they'd be pissed that Aaron Hernandez was gay. But I think it would be very like accepting at this point, maybe not in the locker room. I don't know how that would go. But there's so much to, I mean, oh, well, I was saying was that after he hung himself, they did an autopsy and his brain was so heavily damaged. He had like an advanced CTE and he had essentially the brain of an elderly

person with dementia. Oh, wow. You know, he had like really, really high level brain damage. But that stuff doesn't exist, right? It was a real balled up piece of gum. Yeah. And the x-ray, it was crazy. And they said, especially in the frontal lobe, which that is all like impulse

control, you know, like just doing things because he did crazy shit. Like someone would like walk by him and they'd like maybe spill a drink on him or something a little bit. And then he would. Well, that was exactly what happened when he murdered a guy. Yeah, two of them. Two guys on the street because they spilled a drink on them. And he got so crazy and he couldn't control the impulse to murder.

I mean, it was just such an irrational. It's like when someone makes your drink wrong at Starbucks. How far away are you from? But you know what I have? I got that frontal lobe. You still have yours? Yeah. Okay.

That's when you'll know something's wrong with me. Oh, boy. If I'm like, they made it wrong, they made it wrong. And then I just cut them up. Yep. A couple of head injuries away from that wall breaking down in your frontal lobe. Yeah. It's a good thing I didn't play college ball.

Oh, how sad. No, it's really sad. He killed those two guys. He killed his fiance's sister's boyfriend. This is a separate one. Then one of his friends who he was rolling with, who knew, because it was with him when he shot the two guys just spilled the drink, he shot him in the head. So he tried to kill that guy.

The lover in prison, by the way, said during a night of canoodling that he confessed to a fourth body. Oh, my life. And then don't forget that he also shot somebody in Gainesville when he was at Florida and they never tied it to him. The Tebow team. You must look back and go, haha. Yeah.

The savages. Yeah, they're all animals on that team. There was a coach who got arrested and all his other stuff too. And then they're like, national champs. Yeah. How about the pouncy guys being in that documentary? They got a pouncy twins be gay. That's the one thing I know about football.

I got it. Oh, shit. You know what you're talking about? They might be that. No, I don't know what she's talking about. The year they got drafted. Yeah. I remember this so specifically because I was laughing so hard about it.

There was an Ole Miss player, right? Who was Twitter was like kind of because the twins have been in the NFL like 10 years or something. Yeah. Twitter was sort of newish, right? Yeah, it would have been like. It was probably around that same draft as Aaron Hernandez. Exactly.

Oh, nine or something. Right. So it's a couple of years old, but it's not like what it is now. And so it's like, oh, let's go on Twitter. And this, this Ole Miss player was tweeting like hilarious shit about everybody in the draft and when that was the year that they didn't enter the draft the same year. So Marquis went like the year before Mike or vice versa, right?

Pouncy. Yeah, I don't remember. So whichever one was first, he gets drafted and the brothers stand up and they kissed and they kissed like on the lips and then that dude wrote. Pouncy twins be gay. And so I started tweeting at that dude, the Ole Miss player, and he blocked me. What did you say to him? I was like, they be gay, huh?

Like, I just kept like trying to provoke him. But it was. And you've held that now for over a decade of your brain, Christina. Yeah, it's a man. I can't believe that came out of that vault. Right away. It's like the joke. Just I must have been talking about it.

If you're, if you're. Yeah, because I remember you saying it. Pouncy twins be gay. And you would say it around the house and then it's like, lock that up for somewhere. I can't remember what I had. Oh, yeah. I don't know what I did yesterday, but I know Pouncy twins be gay and I know

talking about practice because I retain only. I wonder if there's any truth to that though. Now that I've, you know, they were like calling their boy up in jail. Yeah, no, no, I think this is, this is all part of. Hernandez's, you know, web that he. Yeah, they were part of the cover. Of course, because did you hear the way he would talk to them? Like he would get all gangster.

You know, I'm saying they got bad bitches down and then not like, like he was. He was dropping some big words. He dropped big words. Is he allowed to drop big words? A lot of Puerto Ricans. What is I was going to ask, what is Aaron Hernandez? I know he was a Latin. His father's was Puerto Rican.

Okay. And his mother, I think, is a white lady, but, you know, he had like that. He definitely had those. Does that lead into not being wanting to be open about being gay? You think? Oh, that was a super, like his dad was a super macho Latin guy, you know, and that definitely would not have been cool in his house. Yeah, that part's clear.

Right. It's not cool to be gay if you're a Latin or African. What race do you think's the gay race? The gayest race? White people, right? We're the gayest race. Do you mean like people invented the Greeks? Hey, you're always homophobic?

No, they're just the gayest. Who's the gayest? The most openly gay. The whites love to be gay, don't you think? Yeah, I guess, but I mean, you can go to, you can see every race be super gay. Like in Atlanta, you see like, you see black queens like swaying it down the street all the time, right? I'm going to go for Middle Easterners, because they're like down low gay.

Or you ever see like in Greece, the dudes that hold hands when they walk down the street together, that should be gay, son. But that's like a cultural norm there. Right. But that's what I'm saying. It's so like, we're not gay. Saudis do that. That's what's up.

But I'm saying, yeah, like it's not gay if you butt fuck a guy before you get married. You're practicing. Like that's their mentality. It's like, it's not even gay. Well, that's true. What we fucking do, we butt fuck. Yeah, that's what I did. That's when I told that girl in Boston, you're like, why a finger?

Don't you have like a strap on or something? Yeah, those cultures are so unaware of homosexuality. They're like, so it's not even in there. They're like, this is just normal. We're just gay by normal. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I feel like, I feel like white people probably people love to talk about it and be open.

I feel like there's more acceptance of that, right? I wonder if they ran the numbers, though. Like who would be the gayest? Yeah, what race would be the gayest? Which race is the gayest? It probably has a direct correlation to just population. What is there the highest population of? Or you get a percentage of each population.

But I'm saying, so whoever has the most population by that logic, the Chinese should be the gayest. There you are. The gayest race. And now the conversation is over. Chinese are the gayest people in the world. And it's followed by Indians and then the rest of us. Yeah.

But I feel like what he's saying is like, who enjoys being gay the most? And I would say, you know, white people really enjoy like, I'm fucking gay and you better enjoy it and let's parade and let's be white and gay. I don't know if they always say it like that. Yeah, but be white and gay. But then Latins are the best at being gay because I love a gay Latin man. A gay Latin man. It's the best.

That's the thing. Yeah. They're like the best at it. Aaron could have gone such a different route. Oh, my God. Imagine if he would have been like in Versace. Yeah, dude. Off the plane.

Right. I had 12 catches, three touchdowns. How's your motherfucking fantasy league doing, bitch? And he just like sashay around. It would have been amazing. And bring and bringing different guys to like events. Yeah. But that dude that was on in the documentary that was like just commenting

on being a gay NFL player, he was wasn't he on the same team as Aaron Hernandez. Imagine if they scored a touchdown on the Super Bowl and then just like Frenched in the end zone. It would have been like a moment. It would have been a more than a moment. That would have been, yeah, defining for for an entire generation. It would have been like when the after World War Two and that sailor

dipped the lady over and kissed her. It'd be like the most famous kiss ever. Yeah. If they kissed or like they pretended to blow each other as part of the dance. Like you just go like Aaron Hernandez catches it, then he bends over in the old line and comes up behind him. It's like, yeah, like that. That was a dope, dude.

I would have loved all of it. I do like a black gay guy, too. The other thing about sports is like, so now it's revealed that, you know, like we've always known there had to be gay athletes. Yeah, sports and it was always, you know, no one said shit. Then as time passed, you know, it was revealed, oh, this guy is gay. You know, he retired at first. It was like 20 years ago and then 10 years ago and then like, you know,

the guy retired and then a couple of years later reveals it. And, you know, now there's been so much like there's so much progress made in terms of like not just gay rights, but also in society's acceptance of it. And we've always been thinking and saying like, well, they're the crate. Like the thing that would really take it over the top would be an active current day, not just gay player, but star player, right? Like imagine like the like a star player is gay. And, you know, he could have been that, right?

Like, right. There was there was hope in a way with Michael Sam when he was drafted. You know, he was SEC defensive player of the year was like, oh, shit. Like and he went into the draft openly gay, right? Right. And the Rams drafted them when they were in St. Louis. Didn't work out from in the NFL. I don't think I don't think he owned it enough. You know what I mean? Like if I was a gay linebacker, oh, my God. No, he didn't. I'm saying he didn't deliver as far as play on the field.

Right, exactly. But I think I think he could have like ascended higher in the sport if he if his mentality was in the right place. Like if he went into that and like, you know, he was probably worried, you know, I'm open. I'm the first open guy. I'm getting a lot of scrutiny. Yeah. Oh, for sure. So if he went in there and he was staring across the line at those guys, he's like, I'm going to kiss your whole fucking mouth. You know what I'm saying? Like, and he was like, I'm going to.

And like, if he got on top of a guy in a pile, he's like, yeah, this is my fucking dream, bitch. You know what I'm saying? He would terrify them and terrorize them. They would get so intimidated. Yes. There would be guys dropping balls across the middle all the time because they would hear more than his footsteps. You know what I'm saying? I'd see. He's right. You could terrify them with your femininity.

Yeah. Or you just make your feminine femininity aggressively masculine. Yes. Yes. Man, you got suckling fucking lips. Shit. And then you just fucking nail them. It would be cool. It would be cool if there was a savage monster. Yeah. Yeah. Like if like if like a like a JJ Watt, you know, level player, you know, or like a Vaughn Miller was like, I'm a sack every quarterback.

And I'm almost imagine if Aaron Donald was. Yeah, your hands are so big. Yes. That'd be awesome. Suck all your dicks if we went tonight. No, you got to do the other thing. Yeah, be like, you guys win. Yeah. If you guys imagine if his his chain and his medallion was just like a big set of dick in ice out. That'd be so fun.

He would pick it up and put his mouth all the time. I'm just like, yo, dick. I'm going to say, yo, that's so true. Like the Dominic and Sue, like he was like a biggest trash talker. Imagine if he was gay. Oh, my God, he'd be even more dominant. He'd be like. And he was like throwing people and stepping on their heads.

Yeah. What if he did that, but he was doing shit? And then whenever they tickled you, bitch, when they find him, when the NFL is like, you got fine, but he's like, it's because I'm gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just fucking discriminating and shit. And if I was like, Jesus Christ, it's not because you're gay. It's because you stepped on this guy's hand. And he's like, yeah, let's see that to a straight guy. But do you think and in being in all seriousness, because the NFL,

they make so much money. It's an entertainment property and it's a family business in a sense. Like it's, you know, you have it's it's an American institution. And, you know, do you think they'd freak out and be like, but kids can't watch this? The American families can't watch the gay guy on some people say that. But it's it's way too. There's that train has left the station. Yeah, right. Like Ellen is gay. Yeah.

And we're all OK. It's the same people that were like, oh, they had a gay kiss in Star Wars. It's like it's happening. Did they? It's yeah. This is they did on the on the valedictorian or what on the. What's that called? The DeLorean Mandalorian. When it was in the last Star Wars film, there was like a celebratory scene and two women kissed one another and didn't even notice it. It was like a blur by except a couple of people definitely noticed.

Joey Diaz calls it the Maldonado. And then I think it called it the Man of Scalco. Man of Scalco. He's like, whatever, I'm not going to fucking binge this shit. I'm not binging this shit neither. It's great. But yeah, it's the same people that would complain about Cam Newton dancing in the end zone. Wait, didn't didn't a new Star Wars come out?

Yeah. How was it? Around Christmas time. I thought it was fantastic. That's the one I was talking about with the female, female kiss. And then they finger each other. And then that would be one of them is like, oh, it's a lightsaber. I just cut your pussy in half. I wish. Hey, speaking of fingering on on where my mom's at, we were discussing people getting fingered on the haunted mansion

or blowjobs on Pirates of the Caribbean. Right. And Josh has fucking fingerbanged a lot of people. I didn't say a lot. I just said I, you know, she asked if I fingerbanged anyone at Disney World. And I said never I not Disney World, but I've definitely fingered a few people at Six Flags. A few people at Six Flags. Just like three, like three people on a roller coaster. Well, we had a Six Flags in my hometown.

And so, you know, that was what kind of ride. Yeah. A lot of the spinny ones, the Ferris wheel, definitely. That's easy to take. 100 percent. Yeah. The spinny ones. You're just like spinning. When you're young, you could just do that kind of stuff. Not the spinning cup. If you do the spinning cup, you got to make sure you're not double

spinning. You know what I'm saying? I'm talking about the ones where you're just going in a circle. And everybody's sticking against the wall. Yeah, that one's a good one. The UFO. But then how do you finger somebody when you're all stuck? Since Trivical Force, you put the finger next to the vagina and it gets sucked in with the rest of it. Stop. Now you're just lying.

Dude, does the other, it feels like, like a dare. Does the other person actually enjoy? Well, yeah, that's the whole fun of it, because you're just like out and you're like teenagers, essentially. Yeah. And you're 20s or whatever. Yeah. Your hands dirty. Please make sure they're dirty. They're at a fucking theme park.

That's exactly what I said. That was my first thought, is how unsanitary, because you're touching all the theme park crap and then your hands are dirty and you're up or cooch. Make sure you really get your hands on those poles while you're waiting in the lines. Really run them across those metal poles. All right, Josh, what are you going to be? Let us know.

Oh, I'm going to be in Providence, Rhode Island this weekend, Friday, Saturday, and then I'm going to be in Nashville, May 13th. And one that I really want you to come to Huntsville, Alabama, May 12th. It's a great. Make sure you come to that. I can't wait for that. It's a great club. I just want people to come to it. May 12th. Yes, May 12th.

Yeah, please come. And May 13th, like I said, Zany's Nashville and they're all. Go to Huntsville, man. If you're in Birmingham. Yeah, all of them. ATA. Roll tide, baby. Derek Henry. There you go.

I love our gay football scenario. I got a question for Native. I want to ask Native something. Native. First of all, a lot of people noticed that they had questions about your attire. I saw it. They were like, what is Nadav wearing? You're wearing your Dany's.

Yeah. Yeah, it'd be a shame to have all these Dany's shirts go to waste. I think you look great. I think you look great. Handsome point. And then people have been asking about this and I know you've been looking into it. So can you give me an update?

You know, people, because I've been doing the Spanish podcast on my own YouTube channel. And everyone's asking for English subtitles. You've been in contact with people. Are we going to be giving them subtitles soon? Yeah, we're actively trying to find a place that will do subtitles for us. So if you don't speak Spanish, you'll be able to still watch Tom Segura in Espanyol because it'll have English subtitles. Great.

And it's coming. Yeah, yeah, we're trying to lock it in. It'll be there hopefully within the next episode or two. Isn't that cool? That's awesome. I want to hear what you're talking about in Espanyol. Yeah. So thank you.

And thanks for the update. Say habla, Espanyol. Do you remember this song? Carpeteria. Carpeteria. Did you ever hear that commercial? This is an LA thing, California. OK, so now this is the bomber part, man.

Yeah, because we live here in Los Angeles and absolute horrible tragedy happened the other day, which was that Kobe Bryant died in a helicopter accident. And it really was like so, it was such a shock, I think, as it was to most people. I'll lay out for you how it happened to me or how the news affected me. So I was flying back from New Zealand the morning of, right? And I'm flying back and I think I told you, I couldn't believe that we had Wi-Fi. Yeah, you weren't really stoked about that. Well, I've flown internationally so many times.

And I just came to accept it as standard that when you fly internationally, there's no Wi-Fi. I mean, it happens all the time when you fly just to Canada, and we're on the same piece of land and they're like, yeah, there's no Wi-Fi. And they look at you like you're a fucking idiot. Yeah, someone just gave me that when we were coming back from Hawaii. She's like, no stupid ocean. That's Hawaii.

Europe, same thing. I was like, is there a Wi-Fi? They're like, no, of course not. Why are you so dumb? Idiot, yeah. OK, so I leave Auckland and then they're like, yeah, there's Wi-Fi on this. And we just how? And they're like, satellites and shit, stupid.

OK. So I get on line and I'm trying to sleep on this flight and I can't. I keep trying. I put like the eye mask on because you missed me so much. I miss you just couldn't sleep. So, you know, throughout the flight, you know, I'd watch a movie and then it's 12 hour flight back. I pull up Twitter and I actually see in close to real time that because this is

like the night flying into the day that LeBron James had surpassed Kobe's scoring record, scoring title, like he passed him and Kobe sent out this really like classy congratulatory tweet about it like congratulations. And, you know, keep keep going, keep pushing it. And then I saw a picture of them like that. I don't know if the picture was from that night. But it was a picture of Kobe at a game and LeBron was playing and they were like saying, what's up?

Like, hey, you know, and then. Anyways, I happened to actually see that, you know, like I just I was going through my feed and I saw it and I just made like a mental note of like, oh, I didn't know that LeBron surpassed them. That's cool of Kobe to write that like a classy thing. And then I land at at 6 a.m. So 6 a.m. LA time we land from New Zealand and I get in the car and we're going over the hill and the guy who picked me up or regular Clint.

I was like, man, that's really foggy. And he was like, yeah, it's like it's like it was sitting on the four or five like the fog was. Yeah. And by that time, so I landed at six. We're probably not in the car till six thirty seven. And I was like, wow, it's like it's sitting on the four or five. You know, it seems like it's like a gloomy.

Seemed like a gloomy fall day. Right. And then I get home. And the goal of the day on these international travel days is you try to acclimate to the time zone you're in. So it's like the goal would be to stay up and go to bed in the time zone that I'm in now, but I'm just so tired from the right wrecked and I and I hadn't slept.

So I'm just going to take a nap when you wake me up in a couple of hours. So you do. And when you wake me up, I open my phone and it's like. Kobe Bryant died now. And at first I just I was like, I cannot, I cannot believe this. And he, his helicopter crashed 10 minutes from our house. Do you want to know a crazy thing? I haven't even told you this yet.

So we had some neighbors come visit us. We haven't seen in a while. They had a baby and the neighbors said could text us after they had left our house, they go, do you want to know what's crazy? We saw his helicopter overhead. Right, right. Must have been minutes before the crash because they live in their near where it happened.

And yeah, they saw it because they were used to seeing Kobe Bryant's helicopter flying in the neighborhood and they saw it that morning. So nuts. Yeah, it was like. So he, you know, at first I'm just stunned by the story. And then like more information comes out that his daughter was on. Yeah. Board and then another family, husband, wife and their daughter.

And then another woman who's a mother. Yeah. Of three and then a coach. Yeah. Yeah. And then another player from the team. So three girls from the team were on, were on the flight. Crazy.

And then what happens is like for me, I don't know how, like when you process like real tragic news, but at first I was like, you know, just stunned like Kobe Bryant, you know, he's 41. So he's just, just barely older than like a year older than me. I've, I've followed him, you know, since I was. Like he got drafted into the NBA when I was a senior in high school. Mm hmm. And I've lived in LA for the majority of his career.

Yeah. For 15. Kobe's been on the team 20 years. Yeah. Like I feel like I've grown up. Exactly. You have. That guy.

Yeah, you have. He's the only reason I gave a shit about Lakers because he was such an amazing player. And he was like, you know, if you, like some people live, there's only like a handful of like iconic athletes, you know, like there's stars. And but like, if you, you know, you live in a city that has a really iconic, like not every city has that and the LA definitely does with him. He is, he defines basketball and Los Angeles in the city. Oh, yeah, the guy and people just, I mean, he's so beloved here.

Oh, my God, I was in Target yesterday. And first of all, it was eerily empty. And but, but the people that were there, people were all wearing those jerseys around the city. And it was like, I went to the beach. Oh, my life. I went to the beach and people were at the beach in his, in his jerseys. Yeah, it's just heartbreaking. The part that really always fucks me up with like tragedies, you know, is like, I

always see the news and it kind of, I process it as news. I don't like, it'll shock me as like, here's the information, you know, like Twin Towers are hit by the planes and you go, like, oh, my God. But on the coverage of the people, like how people are reacting on the ground, that's what breaks me, you know, like, so I, they showed. One of the games that night, they did a, he wore 20, he wore eight and then he wore over 24. They did a 24 second countdown on the, on the game clocks, on the shooting

clock, and they were in complete silence. And I mean, like 18,000 people, just completely silent. And the clock had down and it buzzed and like, I started crying. Of course. I just started crying. I mean, I don't know, like, I think when like celebrities die, you know, it's always different than, because people die every day, obviously. Yeah.

But it really does, you know, like, I kept thinking about his, his wife, he'd just had a fourth daughter, she was six months old. Oh my God. But it does, the part that, like, it does remind me, I think it has this effect on other people too, is like, it reminds you about how it really, it can happen like that, like nothing is promised, you know, like, I remember thinking, thinking along the lines, not the same type of tragedy, but like, when Paul Allen died, he's the co-founder of Microsoft, and he, he, he

had cancer and he had treatments and then he got, and then he died. And he died in like his, I don't know, late fifties, early sixties. He had 30 billion dollars. And you go like, it doesn't matter what you, you know what I mean? Like it was the type, that type of thing of, it doesn't matter. It can just go. You can just go. I've been thinking about death a lot lately too, because I'm 43.

And now I'm like, oh, I'm over the middle hump. Like it's all downhill from here and it could be, you know, like you can, I hate it. It makes me not give a fuck in a good way. We are like, yeah, now I'm liberated because you're like, it can go. It's all precious. It's all meaningful every day. Yeah.

Right. Every fart I smell of yours is, it could be the last. We got to breathe deeply. It's a real nice place to take it to. You're bad at processing this stuff. Well, I'm still, I'm still depressed about Anthony Bourdain committing suicide. That one, I felt, I felt really, I really loved him and I felt very close. Kobe, Kobe's like, I'm still in shock.

I don't think I can process this one yet. He's such a fixture. More for Kobe. Yeah. Because like he's, like I said, you know, he's a, he's a year. Like it's like, it's like a guy my age who has a wife and kids and he has like, I mean, everything going for him. Yeah.

I mean, you couldn't script a more, I mean, you know what I mean? Like he's, I know the kid, the girl was a star at basketball too. And he loved being a dad. Oh, yeah, he's a family guy. And he, you know, he won an Oscar last year for his short. And he's like a venture capitalist. He's doing like all these things and people just adored him. And to just think that like, just like that, it's over.

It's, it's done. He's not here anymore. So crazy. Yeah. I know. Anyways, it really made me sad. You know, genes, it's horrible. I think everybody in LA is like mourning.

I don't think, right? It's just terrible. We all bought, everybody's bummed out. It's such a bummer. It's such a bummer. I mean, and it's not like he had some rinky dinky helicopter. You know, you think, oh, well, because the first thing I texted you when I saw it, I was like, fuck your helicopter flying lessons.

You're never getting an helicopter ever again. I took a helicopter ride in October in weather in the UK. We went from London to Manchester and helicopter, right? But I mean, from what I've been reading about this story, you know, that that copter had that pilot had a special license to operate in worse than normal weather. Is that right? Well, then now he had that. He had to be granted clearance to continue flying by air traffic control.

He was granted it after 15 minutes of circling Burbank. And then he headed up to Overwoodland Hills. Then he, I think, asked for another permission to go somewhere and they told me he was flying too low. So they said, you know, you're not, you're not, we're not reading you on radar. So you need to go up and then he flew up to a certain altitude. And then, I mean, the only thing that adds up as of now, and I know this is like speculating, is just that he, in that heavy fog that day, I'm assuming made a

movement, goes directly in a direction, you know, has a direct doesn't realize he's flying literally into the side of a mountain. Is that what happened? Yeah. I mean, they, they, they crashed into such heavy terrain that they had to like dig pathways to access the crash site. So it's like, it appears that, you know, if he, if he was flying with, you know, because your instruments on, on these things are advanced, but it's also, you

know, it's a pilot working with the instruments. And so if fog, that's, you know, makes it so that your visibility is not there. You know, you don't see where you're flying and your instruments don't tell you exactly what's right here. You know, usually the only instruments I'm aware, I'm not an expert pilot, are just like, Hey, your altitude is this, you know, I don't, I don't know if those things are equipped with like to your left right here. You can't see it, but this is here because it appears that he literally just went

like right into the side of a mountain. Nine people. That's unreal. Yeah, crazy. And I'm, I know. Imagine a wife hearing that. Like you're not only your husband and your, your daughter in the same day. I would be, I'd be institutionalized.

I know. And people hit me up by the way about Ari, because Ari always tweets horrible things when people die and he got the full treatment on this one. People are asking me, I'm like, don't ask me. Yeah, I had nothing to do with that. I mean, he does this thing, you know, where. Whenever someone dies, he'll tweet something horrible. It's like his, it's like a bit that he does.

And, you know, I mean, he just, he did it on this one. I was like, it's not going to go well. No, it didn't go well. And now he's like, you know, explaining that. He explained that to people because he got like a lot of shit, you know. Yeah. And yeah, when people ask me about it, I'm like, yeah, I don't know. It wasn't my idea.

I, you know, Ari's a better guy than those tweets would indicate. But yeah, he really leans into the. The jerk lane. Yeah, the death jerk lane. I don't know, man. He, I don't know. Anyways, he's one of yours. You explain it.

Yeah, I don't know. I don't think we do that as a whole. No, it's not a Jewish thing, is it? Jesus, let him take the fall. What are you fucking doing? Oh, sorry. Oh, no, you know what? He grew up Orthodox, right?

Yeah, yeah. There you go. There you go. Well, listen, if you have anything to say to Ari, target and adopt. No, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. Yeah, he's such a fuckhead for that one. Idiot. I think he deleted the tweet now.

Probably a good idea. What are you doing? What are you doing? Anyways, I know it's a somber note to end on. Oh, yeah. And then the, the anchor said the N word. Mm hmm. Talking about the Lakers.

Do you want, do we have it? I think we do have it. Well, let's play it. Let's go out on a high note. I don't know that this is considered a high note. Well, she doesn't, she claims not to have said the actual word. Okay, let's see. Yeah, it seems like he was just the kind of athlete, the kind of star that was

perfectly cast on the Los Angeles Nakers, Los Angeles Lakers. Kavita, if I could ask you to stay with us, we're going to go. Whoops. She said that she combined nicks and Lakers. And you know, when you jumble words and oh, yeah, that can happen. Is this the helicopter crash site? Is this what people are looking at? Oh my life.

Yeah. It's in Calabasas, you know. The Los Angeles Nakers. Yeah, I saw that they made a call to fire her, you know. Yeah. Oh yeah. Did they? Um, I don't know if she actually got fired.

I think she might be definitely taking a break for a while. Is she? It's Allison's something I forget. But well, oh, it's just so awful. Yeah. She, um, what is her name? I miss the N word. Jesus.

She said, uh, she said, hmm, yeah. That open to many Allison Morris, that's her name. See if can you, um, can you just copy her name, throw it in and see if there's news? I mean, I, you know, I'm sure she's, yeah, just denies. Yeah. Well, look how handsome and young and invite, you know, that's the thing such like a, such a force, such a positive dude too. It's like, really?

That guy, that guy, can we take somebody else? There's so many other people. Like Ari. Ari. Oh, anyways, all right. Devastating and horrible. I only think they can probably wipe the palette before we go. Um, take your overs.

There is a, uh, there's a Tommy John update. Is that right? Yes, well, and Charles, I'd like to hear about Charles on the next episode. We definitely looked into Charles. No, it's not. I feel like the better lane for us is to start playing people's impression of Charles. Oh, God, just tries to help people. I mean, you know, you have impressions.

Uh, I don't have any prepped, but don't do it. It's bad. Oh, Tommy John is my sweet love. Well, here you ready? Let's say I'm really into him. Let's see. Let's see. Yo, my name is Tony motherfucking John's fucking ladies, man.

I'm currently in a sticky situation. You know, I got no fucking money. I got no motherfucking wheels like I don't got a license. Oh, Tommy, there's no filter on this and no tan and it reveals a real person. Yes. And the hair doesn't have any lots of gel. He said he's in a sticky situation. No money, no wheels, but a ladies man.

It's a very good lane for a man is to be in this kind of situation. Chicks dig it. Yeah. And it's super crazy. You know, I've been going through a lot lately. You know, I've been going through a lot of shit, you know, no fucking friends. The government's fucking trying to fuck me over and I'm pissed off. You know, people don't know me for the real me.

I have anxiety. I have anxiety attacks. You know, I got bad ADHD. People don't know me for me. Well, that's interesting. Full. Yeah, I hear they don't know me for me at all. I got some nice ass fucking teeth.

I got some nice motherfucking attributes. You know, nobody wants to hire me. Everybody thinks I'm a motherfucking criminal, which I'm not. I was wrongfully accused and I don't have a criminal fucking record. Everyone's out to get him. Damn, this is so anyways. I'm I'm I'm doing this video just saying, hey, fuck the law, fuck the government, what they what they've been doing to me because it's some corrupt shit.

You know, I really is, you know, they're trying to make me look like I'm a criminal. What's I don't I love law enforcement, but I'm just asking I'm pleased to stop what they're fucking doing. I kind of always find it curious when people do one of these types of videos and there's no specifics, though. Like what what is law enforcement doing? Well, they're out to get him. It's not him doing stuff.

It's they're out to get him. And he's like, you're not really getting to know the real me. I have nice teeth. Hmm. Drugs. What's going on here? Drugs girl over last night. She fucking gave me some marks. She kind of marked me up.

Even my booty. You see, we go, Ali, come on. There he is trying to call me a method. They try to call me a fucking alcoholic. Kiss my white ass motherfuckers. OK, so he's definitely doing that. I'll tell you this man. This is much more Matthew than I thought it was so Matthew.

He is in a Matthew situation. Yeah. Whoa. When the filters drop, you really get to see him. Wow. For who he is. Damn, something's by the way, huge bummer, huge bummer. This was not uplifting. Yeah, at all. Still looking for that good clothes.

Yeah, I was waiting for something to be like, oh, this will be funny. God damn it. What about the wolf lady? Can we go out on Christina's latest batch of tiktoks? I know there's some good ones. No, that's going to bum us out, too, because they're crazy and mentally ill. And oh, yeah, that's yeah.

Oh, you know, what's fun? Oh, how about how about the woman getting her mouth. I fell. There you go. And hit my pussy on this corner right here. And it's bleeding. There we go. I broke my fucking pussy. There we go. Yeah. That's the sorbet we needed to cleanse the palace.

Who breaks their pussy? What the fuck, actually? Like. Bleeding. Oh, I can't. What's up with the guy puking in the back? I think he saw her bloody pussy and then started puking. I don't think so. What is happening?

I don't understand. I think there's just a separate fucking disaster going on. Just unrelated. Some shiny vomiting just making her broken pussy update. And there's just a guy violently. That was so aggressive. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, I did not know that was there.

Who breaks their pussy? What the fuck, actually? Like. Bleeding. Oh, I can't. She's ignoring it. How is she ignoring that in the back? I mean, she smokes indoors. That's how.

I mean, that noise, the wretching is pretty overpowering. She's talking about her broken pussy. That is like a deep, you know, like I've been poisoned type of puke. That is. That's not yours. No, something's in there. No. God. Oh, good for her.

She's in her own planet, man. She is. All right, guys, I can tell you that they. Ontario show, that's all. Oxnard, February 23rd. That's in Spanish. February 20th in Tempe. That's in Spanish.

That's on sale. Las Vegas, March 6th and 7th. I will be at the Mirage, the Terry Feitor Theater there. And I just announced Harrah's in Valley Center, April 18th. That's going to near San Diego. Very excited about that. Then I got some more Spanish shows. Dallas, Houston, Austin and San Antonio.

That is going to be April 21st through 23rd. Then I'm back in Las Vegas, May 29th and 30th. Then I go to West Palm Beach, Florida. Improv down there, June 5th through 6th. I do the Miami show in Spanish on the 7th. And then I'm back in Las Vegas, July 17th and 18th. And also October 23rd and 24th. The Vegas shows are all at the Mirage,

the Terry Feitor Theater in Las Vegas. Jean jacket. Jeans, Valentine's weekend in Tampa, Florida at the Tampa Improv. Then I do San Francisco, Pasadena, the Miami Improv, Dallas, Texas, Jewdork titties at Caroline's, Des Moines, Iowa at the Funny Bone, Fartnix, Arizona at Santa Bluff, Cleveland, Ohio at Hilarities and San Antonio at the Laugh Out Loud Comedy Club.

Tickets at Christina P. Online. Also, check out where my mom's at. And that's it. Tickets at Christina P. Online. Thank you guys for watching. Thank you for listening and we will be back next week. Jeans up. Fucking double agent. You are a word. You are.

I don't say they are. Yeah, sure, you don't. Sure. You want to fuck with my mind? Big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big. Big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big. Big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big big, big, big, big, big, b-ing. Fuckust thing in Malafa. No, please no. Others rushe.

Big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big! Ow, Taiwan! Taiwan, Taiwan! Tata, their return, tata again, tata again, tata again, tata again, tata again, tata again,션agun again, tata again, tata again, tata again, tata again, tata again, tata again, Tata again, tata again, tata again, tata again, Tata, their retard, very nice cadence, tata their retard, one more time, tata their retard, Hasn't messed with me.

You fucking double agent. You R-word? You R, I don't say the R-word. Yeah, sure you don't. Sure. This is a pretty nice guy right? Thanks for watching.