Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 538 - Michael Rapaport - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: February 13, 2020

We recorded this episode last week, but there is some URGENT news about FedSmoker that we just HAD to address. Is he alive? Tom and the YMH staff try to make sense of what's going on. Then, we get on with our normal show at Studio Jeans! One Mommy is having trouble sleeping so the other Mommy had to milk them. Can you guess which is which? Also, whats the N word? Tom did an interview with Larry King and has selected some of his favorite moments. The Mommies did not do well in school, but they’re not as dumb as old people. Plus, more Charles, more fed smoker and more Piss Spots! Michael Rapaport is an actor and podcaster who sits down with the Mommies to hash out the Ari stuff. Michael also spoke about his acting methods and some of his roles, his love of rap and growing up in Manhattan. Tom and Christina try to show Michael some interesting confrontations, since those are his favorite. Plus, a lengthy convo about proper public brown etiquette.

This is a YMH exclusive. YMH exclusive. YMH exclusive. Oh man, this is an emergency session that we called. We're trying to want to do this the right way. There's an empty chair next to me for a reason. It's a symbolic gesture. If you have not, if you have not yet heard, it appears that one Connell Eugene Peterson, aka Lord Fedsmoker, has passed away. That is what people are saying. That's the rumor, if you will, and I say that. Let me get a job here, you fuckface. I say that because we're still at the point where we haven't confirmed everything. Now, there are images out there of a car that appears

to be at least like the car that Fedsmoker would most recently roll around and he had multiple vehicles over the years and over the videos. There is a body that's covered with a tarp and an arm is sticking out of it, holding what one would describe as a milk jug or a urine container. It has tattoos on the arm. You could argue that are similar or those that Fedsmoker had or has, hopefully. I asked you, you reach out to the corner's office there. Where is that in park, whatever, in Arizona? What did they, what did they tell you? They refused to confirm or deny it. They know that there's a lot of people watching this case and they're not trying to leak any

information before the proper time. If you don't know, I mean, first of all, his real name is Connell. I've never even heard that name. Have you ever heard somebody named Connell? Not Donald, Connell. No, that's like a real old-timey name, I think. C-O-N-A-L-D Connell. Con, short for Con, or long for Con. Con, the long Con. I've heard people named Con. I thought it was short for Conner. Right, Conny, Conner, yeah. Here's Connell. I mean, I want to do it respectfully. I mean, that looks like his car, man. I don't know, man. Why are you a doubter? This is just, this is seeming all too, I don't know, man. This

looks like foul play. I think he's trying to fuck with us. Well, let's, let's, for those of you, if this is even him, if those of you that don't know, we're talking about, you know him as Fessmokers, a retired double agent, an innovator, an entrepreneur, his guy owned Falcon Car Wash. He started a dentistry practice, barber, massage therapist. I wish we had had a video of that. I want to see him giving a massage. Just, you know, he is a Renaissance man. I think the proper way to honor somebody like him is stop making excuses, man. I mean, this is a guy that did it all. So if you're like, I'm tired. I don't have time for that. How'd he get it all done? He got everything done.

I think he still has time to get stuff done. I'm not convinced this is Connell. Why are you, why are you not convinced? Okay, there's a lot of tips. There's a lot of things here that scream at me that this isn't him. First of all, he's, the last thing he did was grasping a piss jug. Why is that hard to believe? That wasn't shown in any of the videos. He's never talked about it. I mean, we've just been in like piss spots, right? Like that guy is, if you're doing that, you're all about it. You're talking about it. You're telling people about it. You're showing people where you're peeing. He's just grabbing a piss bottle. So, and also, I think we've seen his tattoo work, at least I've

seen his hands. Those knuckles are way too clean. He has ink all over his fingers. I do not think this is Connell. And also, where's the dog? I don't think there's a world. How do you explain the car? I don't think there's a world where Connell survives and his dog doesn't leave this world with him. How do you explain the car? Look, is this a heavily modded car? Yes. Is this Connell's specific, heavily modeled car? I don't think so. Or modded car. Look, there's a lot of stuff going on here, but I think even just from looking in the window, it's like, where's the laptop setup? Where's all the crazy shit? I'm not seeing enough wires hanging from the ceiling. You're seeing crazy shit on that car? Look, I'm seeing stuff strapped to the top. But that's like, look,

this is an old, this is an old Vic, right? An old crown Vic, it looks like. I could see some bars in the back window of a couple that looks like it might have been a cop car. I don't know, man. Look, is this a fucked up car? Yes. I don't think it's the specific fucked up car that we're used to. I don't think this is Connell. Well, that's all we have to go on, right? Is that it's a fucked up car and we see a hand that looks like it might belong to Fed Smoker. I mean, other than that, there's no confirmation, right? Yeah, I just, yeah, I mean. Fed Smoker is alive, Tom. You think he's alive, for real? Believe you me, Fed Smoker is alive. I gotta tell you, I want him to be alive. Well, your wish is true. He's alive. There's no way this is him. I would put money on the

fact that this is not him. Really? Mm hmm. I'm that confident. Can we just do just a random internet check if there's anything that's come out in the last moments about this? You know, I don't know. I'm just, it really, it upset my night. It really did, man. Reported. Shit. Shit. On monstersandcritics.com, Connell, Fed Smoker, Peterson, reportedly dead. But I will say that I think our subreddit is where a lot of these rumors are starting and where people are thinking that this is actually him. Okay, can you make that bigger for me? Yep. Also knows is dead according to several reports. Peterson was an internet personality. That's true. He had many YouTube accounts. We counted. How many? I, someone sent me a list of 40 active

accounts and that's enough. That's the other thing is that and he posts constantly and grand, he switches accounts all the time. So I would put money on apparently he most recently posted on some church, something church, right of his accounts that we saw. I think that was what I mean that episode is coming out on Friday where you and Drew watched him playing piano at a church. The thing we just watched this guy. We just I spent an hour looking at Fed Smoker videos with Dr. Drew yesterday. We're going to have to put a card at the beginning of that episode. That's a good call. I mean, if he's actually left us, I still, I mean, from multiple reports, notice that there's no links to those reports. I'm not seeing anything here. Look, several unconfirmed reports

that Peterson died. Unconfirmed. Yeah. Unconfirmed. Is there any way you can? I'm going to revisit some of his classics right now. Can you look on for that YouTube channel real quick as I play this? Which one? Oh, the one that we found the church? Apparently, people were saying in comments that in some of his recent posts, most recent posts on one of those 37 active channels that you could see this car in it. Oh, shit. But I mean, can is there any way you can take a quick? All right. Yeah, I'll do a quick search. As you look at that, I'll revisit some of my favorite moments with Fed Smoker. I was, I believe I was first introduced to him by this video. I can tell you know anytime I want. You're getting a fucking baby raper on your face,

okay? You want a baby raper? You're the one who looks like a baby raper. Baby raper. What do you escape from jail? What's up there? Chomo, listen here. What do you guys, how do you get a job here, their fuck face? Well, not by talking like that. Oh, you know what? You're fired, bud. No, I'm not. I thought this guy was pretty cool. You know, he was pretty active with the hostility to a stranger, and I was like, that's an interesting guy. You're talking to me? I'm a fucking American, you'll fuck. You don't touch my camera through the fence, you faggot. I'm going to talk to the sheriff's department about you, buddy, okay? Go get him. Go get him. Yep. Threatening the fire security guard, who's just, you know, looks like he's just doing his job, but Fed Smoker wanted to

really drive it to him, you know? You know what? You're fired, okay? You didn't follow Proto. How do you get a job here? You know what protocol is? Yeah, I take cops badges all the time doing it. You know who you're talking to? A retired double agent there, you fucking retard. Man, it's just, if he's really gone, I'm going to be so bummed. I mean, the next thing that really got a lot of everybody worked up is when he removed his own tooth, you know? This is probably going to hurt just a little bit. Yeah. It's going to hurt just a little bit, so bear with me. Yeah, this is, what's nice about this knife here is the tip's been broke off, so I'm going to bear with me.

It's working up, you know? I cut my lip. Fuck. Working up the strength to remove your own tooth. It's wild, man. I mean, this guy really, really had it. Parked illegally. Quit. Quit, quit, quit. Quit. Is that the arm that you see sticking out of the tarp? There it is, right? There it is. Yeah. That was really, really cool video that, yeah, I mean, I knew we had someone special there. Took his own tooth out. I think that's over at, and he tells you, like, you can do this too, you know? Oh, god, I think I got it. Yeah, you did. Oh, fuck. Look at that bad tooth, folks. Look at that fucking thing. That's the way you do it at Falcon Car Wash.

Such a, oh man, such an amazing guy. Is that the car? This is the inside of the car. I'm trying, it looks like most of this video just has interiors of it. I'm trying to find a good one. But you know, I mean, a lot of these videos are fed smoker approaching people or shooting from outside of his, from inside of his car outward, so it's hard to get. But it does appear to be a black car. Does it have, what's the thing on the hood called that like, that gives the engine extra juice, like the, the, the, a lot of muscle cars have it. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah, I don't know what it's called. Because in that, in that picture that we saw, it had one of those. And now I'm just trying to see if we could see maybe the view from the dashboard. Yeah. That

we could see that maybe his car has that. But I don't know, I'm having a hard time trying to find this. Right. This is of course the, the famous haircut video. Gotta get a good drip on it. See, you gotta feather that shit. You gotta get it going buddy. You gotta get it going. You know what I mean? And he's just gotta get it hot too. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Like when you let your brain on fire. That's that's real motherfuckers. To light yourself on fire, let your brain on fire. Huh? Oh man, what you got there? I don't have any of the audio on it, but it looks like he's really getting into it. I mean, is that music he's listening to? Or is that just, what made him do that? Let's see.

Oh, nice. He did love dogs. Look at the amount of dead there. Sopping wet out there for a while if you like. Okay, do you see that hand? Yeah. Do you see how fucked up and dirty it is? I mean, I think that's bad tattoos and I don't think we saw any of that in the in the. There are bad tattoos on that. Sopping wet out there for a while. What's your on that crime scene photo? Yeah, but I don't think it goes all the way up to the hand. That's also the other hand. That's his left hand in the in the photo. It's the right hand. Yep, I think yep, you're right. I just don't want this to be true, Tom. I know it's a fucking I'm doing everything

in my power to just I mean, and this is probably confirmation bias at at its best, but it's like, I don't want this to be true. And I'm probably acting a little rationally and stuff, but it's just it'd be too sad. I know it's like, what's going on this year? We got Kobe, Fed smoker, it's like icons left and right dropping. Once again, if you're not a scurvy ass bitch with a dirty twat, you have a good opportunity of coming here to live and clean this house. Leave all your increase in information on this site. If you're not scurvy and your twat smells like roses, give me a holler. All right. And I just I don't even want to fuck you. I find my own bitches. I need a house cleaner.

And I just Chris just noticed something really interesting in this video that I have up. What's that? These bars in the back window. Those bars? Okay, which is the same one. Which is the same one that we saw in the crime scene photo. Show me. This is, I don't, this is what I told you, man. I really don't want this to be true, man. I know. It's a bummer. Like everything about this, like you even see the hurly sign on the part of the muscle thing, which I think would stand for herkster, you know? Well, look, I think, I think he has, he's gone and I just wanted to say that, you know, that's a real guy, you know, it's Connell Eugene Peterson. He's a fat smoker to us, but

to he is, he led a wildlife by all accounts and he was documenting it 20 seconds at a time for us in most of these videos. And look, he brought a lot of entertainment, a lot of joy, a lot of laugh, a lot of laughter, you know, I don't know what the real story was, but a lot of people are saying, you know, rest in proto and feather in peace, FIP, keep feathering in heaven. And there's people who are saying this is, you know, this is just fat smoker up to his antics. He's faking a death to, you know, to probably flush out some baby rapers in the federal government. I don't know, but look, man, I was highly entertained by this guy. I was bummed out when I saw this. I was like, no way this is

happening, but it appears to be true. If it is true, I just want to say, you know, like I said, feather it up in heaven and stamp those, those baby rapers who deserve it. I hope you follow Proto up there. And I think just one final time, I will say to you, Conald. And now it's back to our normal show. Jean. Jeans. That's what I'm talking about. What's that? That's my sleepless.

Yeah. Tom is your, you only slept for, it says four hours and 43 minutes. I know. This is what happened. Let's talk about it. This is when I got up to pee. Oh, Jean. And you got up to pee and that's when you couldn't go back, you said. What happened? Let's talk about it. This has been happening to me a lot. And I worked out yesterday and I just, you know, I don't know, I felt, I felt good. I went to bed.

What time did you go to bed? It's about around 11. It's not that late for me. That's not, but were you doing work? You were looking at a screen. I think that keeps, doesn't that keep you up? Did you have a hard time falling asleep? Uh, a little bit, a little bit, but I, man, I remember I went pee. I got back in bed and I just started to go like, oh, fuck, I'm not falling back asleep. That's the worst. I'm not falling back asleep.

And then I knew it was like, I knew time had gone by five, six. And I was like, God damn it. The stress of like, you know, you have to wake up soon or two and then. It's like when you have a flight coming in. Oh, forget it. Oh, I hate that stress more than anything. Oh, it's going to be, I got to, I'm going to crash so hard. I know. It makes me so angry. I keep doing this. I keep going like, not a good sleep at all, then great sleep.

Yeah. I keep, I'm not consistent with it. Neither am I. I haven't slept in five years since we had kids. I think that they just happens. It kind of ruins everything. Yeah. Let me eat you. Maybe I'll feel better. No, don't say that. I didn't, I milked, I milked your prostate this morning. And that hasn't put you in a better mood and I was hoping it would.

I honestly did it. I took one for this team today. Yeah. Because I was like, he's going to be all cranky and he needs milking. And I milked my husband for, for everybody listening, for everybody's benefit. I made him a lot happier for you guys. Just, you know. You know, It put me to sleep. Put me back to sleep. I know. It's too bad we couldn't just go back to sleep.

Fuck. Yeah. Anyways. You know, you just taken a dump too. You clogged the toilet. Yeah. And I was like, are you sure you can, you want to go? You just dumped and you were like, yeah, it's fine. That's true. There's no dump refactory period for you.

For me, there is. I can't do it right after dumping. It's disgusting. Um, look, we have some amazing stuff though, this episode. So I feel like. I keep it juicy, juicy. I eat that lunch. Oh boy. Do you like that song?

Yeah. Are you ready? If you see it from the back. What did she say? If you see it from the front. Okay. Here we go, everybody. Hey guys, a lot of people have been calling and saying the N word.

What is the N word? What are you guys saying? What N word do you mean? Also, which video would like me to do one of these? Which one of these guys would like me to do a video of? Superman or Batman? Oh man. Don't bring anyone loving to this.

Don't murder the fucking stand. Welcome, welcome, welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segura talking to Segura. And Christina Pajitz and Christina Pajitz. Welcome to your mom's house. Oh my god. May I just say? May I just?

Hey, can I tell you? I'm a little jealous. I'm a little envious of you right now. Why is that? Because you've been doing your own little curations. This is, this is a tier one talk. And I am so upset because I'm upset that I didn't find these. I don't know what you're doing to your feed that I'm not doing.

This, this one when I, first of all, I mean, you couldn't script something. No. Funnier than this, this guy. And what do you mean? What? So I have a funny question that I'll skip out. So, dude, this guy, I mean, watch this, this talk again. It's, it's phenomenal.

And then, and then the transition from that to be like, well, superman. Yeah, it's everything about this. All right, welcome to the end word. What is the end word? What are you guys saying? What, what, what, what end word are you meaning? Also, which video would I be doing one of these? Which one of these guys want me to do a video with?

Sidman or Batman? Jesus Christ. Just so you know, he's holding, if you're just listening, he's holding a Superman doll and a Batman doll. And he's like, what's, what's the end word? And then which video do you want to see me do? Is that a Batman video? That better.

Then what do you mean? What a segue. That's so hilarious. Big words. But kudos to his parents because I feel like you, you do hear that stuff in the home. You have to be taught those words. Yeah.

So if no one's saying that stuff around him. You want to give props to mom and dad for not saying it? For not being racist pieces of shit. Hey, you're doing a great job if you are leaving out horrific racial slurs at home. Well. Give a big toast to all the parents out there who have not dropped the end bomb this week in the house.

Well. That is what you just said. It is. Well, may I say because kudos to the parents because in my house that shit was said a lot. My parents dropped end bombs and said every racial slur. Your parents are pretty racist. Yeah.

Everybody was in my house. So to. Well, yeah. But I mean, how many people is that? Four parents. I had two, might have been that they divorced. And then my step parents were racist too. The irony of that.

I've heard it all. Is that your stepdad may have been the most racist. And he was Indian. And he's an Indian immigrant. And he would say the end bomb all the time. He's like these FNNs about everything. And you're like, what about? You're pretty down there.

Yeah. But he was a Republican and he donated money to the Republican party. So he considered himself not. He was like, I'm a white guy. Hilarious. Oh my gosh. But that is where you hear it, right? I mean, where did you hear that?

Mom, dad, I'm black. OK. Oh, man. Or like a neighbor has to tell you, right? At school or like some kids like. The N-word? When did you first learn the N-word? Yeah, like where did you hear it?

Because your parents don't say that stuff. No, of course not. No, it's like in school. Yeah. At school, because in school you learn like taboo words, you know, so kids are like, you know. Remember they're trying to get me. I remember them in fifth grade.

I still hadn't said fuck. What? In fifth grade. Oh my god, dude. I got in trouble in first grade for yelling it during bingo. Yeah, you had a different home. Wow. Yeah, a different home.

Dude, you know what? Oh my god. No, it's school they used to call me N-word, lips. Because I had big lips for my face. And then I and now look who's making dollars off of these DSLs now. You know what I'm saying? I feel like I'm doing two bears or something. Why?

I got you. I'm just being honest. I said it. I said it was to me. No, yeah. I know. And then you're like, look at these lips we're doing now. Now look at these.

Now they all want to be my lips. You know what I'm saying? Uh-huh. Okay. Oh, stop it. Guys, stop pretending like it's so problematic. I'm just reporting the reality. I got something I got to shift to real quick because this,

I don't know what the fuck's going on over at Larry King. But so I did Larry King. Yes, a while ago. Yeah, when Instant Family came out. Instant Family came out when the big fires were last year. So it's been almost a year. Like nine months or something, right? Ten months.

And they only released it in clips. It'd be like if we did an episode of the podcast that we only put out the clips channel. And I was like, oh, that's our, I mean, you know, I just saw it little clips and I was like, whatever. Time. Then like two weeks ago, they released the full episode. Nine months later.

That's so weird. Why would they do it that way? And I'm like, what? What? So there's, there's just like a few. So people started to hit me up. Hey, I saw you on Larry King, saw you on Larry King. I'm like, what?

Yeah. And I go, no, I did that a long time ago. And then I saw that they actually just uploaded it. I don't understand. Why would they do that? That's quite a long, quite a long tease. Yeah. Well, maybe they have a, like a guy just learning

fucking adobe pro or something. Maybe it's, is it Larry King himself that's working on a YouTube channel? He's like, it's, I streamed it, but I don't know. Why do I title it X, X, Y, nine? So, no, he's a really nice guy, but some of this is going to make you laugh. Starring alongside Mark Wahlberg and Rose Byrne

in Instant Family. All right. You share the screen with Mark Wahlberg. Yeah, you got it. I got it. Yeah. No him a long time. What was that like?

Mark Wahlberg. That's so great. Mark Wahlberg. This guy goes to the Lou Holt School of Broadcasting. Okay. Oh my God. You know what really makes me feel pressure in a weird way?

Yeah. Rapid fire questions. When they go, I'm going to ask you this and then move to the next thing. Does he prepare you in advance? No, no, no, no. So, so first it's just an interview, like, you know, talking about the Muba.

And then they're like, we're going to do this segment where I'm just going to be like, you know, what's your favorite city? What's your favorite thing? I know it's so pressure. I wouldn't know what to say. So you know what I, what I ended up doing? I lied and it happened so fast because I just didn't know.

And I'll just tell you what. Okay. So here's one of the questions. What's the food you can't stand? I don't really like oysters. I hate eggs. You hate eggs? I hate them.

Get out of here. I hate them. Anyway, poached fried. Can't stand them. Really? But they're so easy on the gums. You ready? Yeah.

I love oysters. I do. I just, I, I love oysters. Oh, that's so funny. I eat them all the time. Three dozen oysters. Why did that come to you then? Because I couldn't think of a food that I hate.

And, and I wanted to answer quickly. But you know what I do hate? It starts with, you know, olives. Oh. I think I was trying to search for it. And I just didn't want to draw a blank. And I just was like, yeah, no oysters. I love oysters.

I just lied so that I would have something to say. That's so funny that you said, you know what I fucking hate more than anything? Is like chicken. Like chicken breast. Yeah, you don't like chicken breast. It fucking angers me. I make them all the time.

They taste like dry pussy. And I hate it. Just a dry pussy meat. I just feel like I'm eating a dry pussy. Okay. Why did you say oysters? You do love, you eat everything. I'm telling you, it was, it was panic.

It was a panic where when things like, so what is like, what's your answer? And I just want to be like, I can't think of some I don't like. So I just threw out of food, but it's not oyster. You look handsome. You look, I love your silver whiskers. Thank you. You look cute.

People tell me I'm old. And I like your blue jacket. That is a nice jacket. You're not old. You look great. That's a nice jacket. Oysters. Yeah, you do like them.

Are you ready for? Yeah. What's your other lie? Well, no, this, that, that was the only lie. But here's, here's the, hold on. Guilty pleasure. Chocolate souffle. Sock and souffle.

Chocolate souffle. Chocolate souffle. Yeah. Isn't that the best? It takes a while to make. It does. And I actually took a French cooking class and I learned how to make it

and I gained about 22 pounds in a month. Socklet souffle. Sock and souffle. Oh, the French. Excellent. Sock and souffle. Oh my God. Mark Wahlberg.

Is he still on television? This isn't on television anymore, right? No, this is on YouTube. Okay, so he's doing it himself. Yeah, I mean, he has a whole crew. Right, no, but I'm saying like, he's not like on a network anymore. No, no, no.

And then this is what literally, I'm not exaggerating, this literally made my mother call me weeping. Oh no, she's crying. Is there something you long believe to be true and then realize wasn't? Jesus is our Lord and Savior. He laughed at that.

He let you down. Crying. Crying. She cried and then she spoke to me about it and she goes, it's okay if Tommy calls me a whore on the piece of jet, but he cannot talk about Jesus like that.

No. And I didn't say anything. I was like, well, I'm sure, I go, I'm sure he didn't mean it and you know, it's just part of it. How do you like your life? Charo. How do you like that gambling?

Charo. Charo. That's what he said where I go. How do you like it? Jenny. And you laughed so hard. That was a great answer though. Suck a souffle.

I mean, that was a good answer for what? That was a really good answer. For on the spot, that was really good. I don't think I would have come up with something that great. I'm a professional comedian. Don't you gender yourself.

You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Wow, he really. Now you know how big that font is on that paper too. Yeah, yeah. He's fucking like 87 or something. Fuck.

Yeah. He's like, how many wives now? Larry King. Seven. Suck a souffle. A sucker souffle. Suck a souffle. Suck a souffle.

Wait, say Mark Wahlberg again. Oh. Mark Wahl, Wahl, Wahl, 00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:24,120 00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:24,120

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00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:24,120 00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:24,120 00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:24,120 00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:24,120 00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:24,120 00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:36,840 Yeah, you got it. I got it. Yeah.

Know him a long time. What was that like? Oh, Larry. Man. I could, we just, we should just end the show. I know. Right now.

Nature is a bitch. That is not far off for you and me. We're halfway there. Yeah, true. Imagine if we're still doing this podcast. Yeah, at 80. Yeah. Look at this guy masturbating.

This guy. I told you. Larry King is 86. He's 86 years old, you guys. Wow. Do you remember when, do you remember when Seinfeld snapped at him? I don't.

Do you remember that? Over what? Seinfeld was not when it was on CNN and Larry King, it was just after the show I think had ended and he was like, so, you know, you're on for nine years, you get canceled and he goes,

canceled. He goes, it's the number one show. Like I voluntarily took the, like, stop doing it. He's like, oh, okay. And he's like, what do you canceled? And he's like, so pissed. Oh, Larry.

I like when Seinfeld gets mad. Oh, it's great. It's like, remember when Kesha wanted a hug and he was like, don't, I don't want to fucking hug you. I love it every now and then, just that little darkness creeps out. And I'm like, yes, he's awesome.

Yeah, it's great. It's great. Yeah. And then he goes back to like, where's my sock? Yeah, I know. Because we've all got the darkness in us as comedians and when it comes out of Jerry,

I really enjoy it. Yeah, yeah. Very rare. Mark, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what? Mark. Whataburger. Balaburger. Mark, whoa, whoa, whataburger.

I like Mark Balber better. So you were gone. You were gone. To Pustin. Thank you, everybody, that came out in Pustin. It was phenomenal. So many mommies. Yeah.

And I do meet and greets after my show and everybody, everybody, was like, you're the personality champ. Tom would never meet me after a show. And I was like, I know. True. But then they all said that you were, you look good, you look thin,

and that they're excited to see your Spanish shows coming up. I can't wait. I got a bunch of Spanish shows coming up. I cannot believe that there are people are snapping up tickets. It's exciting. I'm really excited for you.

It's pretty wild to feel like you're going to do this show. I have like the excitement of when you do stand-up like your first year. Oh my god. Because I have no idea what's going to happen. I have no idea. That's really taking a leap. I'm so impressed by you.

That's really smart. Well, I don't know. You're smart. You might, let's talk to me after a moment. What was your SAT? I think you did better than me. It was pretty bad. Mine's really dumb.

Mine's pretty bad. I don't think I barely- Here's the thing. I definitely, it's not great. And I was like, oh, that's what I got the first time. And then I took it again, it went down. And then I took another practice one and went down again. They're like, just stick to the first one.

And I was like, okay. They're like, you lucked out on a few guesses. Yeah. My whole score was verbal, not math. I think I had like three something. My guidance counselor, so he would- The school had a few of them. And then they would, I don't know if your school worked like that.

So like each, the school had various guidance counselors who were also teachers. And they would be assigned a certain bank of students. Yes. And this guy was a science teacher at our school. When he was in high school, he scored a 1600 perfect. And yeah. And then he, really brilliant guy.

He was really nice to me, but he was like, look man. Do you want to go to school? And I was like, what do you mean? And he was like, well, I'm looking at your grades. And I was like, yeah, you know, I like school. And he was like, he recommended the school I went to. Oh, that's good. Yeah.

But I go, he goes, you should check out. And he looked at this piece of paper. He's like, Lenore Rine. And I was like, what the fuck is that? He's like, it's a school in North Carolina. And I was like, what the fuck? Why would I go? I'd never heard of that.

And he's like, go check it out. Thank God. Well, then I checked it out. And I was like, I don't want to go here. But then I applied because he had told me to apply. And then I got turned down by every other school. So that's why I went to Lenore Rine. I literally had one option.

And then I tried to transfer after my freshman year. I was like, this school fucking sucks. So I applied to other schools to transfer. And they were all like, no. Now you're too dumb for. Yeah, my guidance counselor, too, was like, have you considered community college? And I was like, I don't want to go.

I want to go away. I want to go to a four-year college and get out of my house. And I got into the University of San Francisco on the wait list even. I didn't know that. No, I wasn't wait listed. I was on a probationary.

I could only take 12 credits, pro-units. And I had to take a college success course my first semester. What is that? It means that I was so stupid. I don't know how to go to school. Yeah, I had to take a college.

And yeah, and I was on probation. So if I didn't do well, I was going to get kicked out. Dude, I got turned down by schools that had like 90% acceptance rates. I also had the most embarrassing thing happen. I think I've told this story before. So my first choice was Denver, right? University.

And I applied and I got turned down. And when I applied there, my best friend applied there. And he got accepted. And he didn't go. He just was like, oh, you're applying there? I'll apply there. He got accepted. My dad finds out he writes a letter to the school

without me knowing. And he's like, he tells them to compare. Because I had higher SAT without me knowing. So I just see a letter that comes another. Denver sent another letter. He's like, oh, I wrote them a letter. I was like, what? He's like, yeah, I told them to like reconsider.

I mean, I understand now that he did it out of. But I was like, you know, fucking embarrassing this is, man. Like I didn't ask you to do this. You wrote them a letter being like, will you consider reconsidering to a college? Oh my god, it was humiliating. You know, I was like, dude. Well, it's humiliating because it didn't work.

And they're like, you're still liking it. Yeah, yeah, that's true. But it's also like, I hate shit like that. Like don't fucking. Don't do anything on my behalf. No, it absolutely enraged me. I mean, it absolutely enraged me. I was like, just let me be dumb.

Yeah, you know. My no, let me figure it out. Yeah, you're kid. The dummies have to figure it out. And then they were like, yeah, we got your, your letter telling us that your son is not. Our worded. Yeah.

And we begged the differ. Like we did the evaluation. He's fully retarded. There you go. He's retarded. Okay. All right. How many times?

I'll say as much as I want. Jesus. Will you fire me for my own podcast? Okay. You use our word. Go ahead. Take it away. Well, am I not going to host the awards?

I'll tell you who might be our worded is my aunt. She came to the house. You're lucky. You were in fucking Houston. So I had my aunt and uncle in town. This is my mother's sister. Okay. And her husband, they stopped by the house.

While you're gone, see the kids. And man, the fucking questions. The questions, right? We had a couch that was that's getting reupholstered. So there's another she goes, what happened to the couch that was here? Did you sell it? And I go, no, it's getting reupholstered.

You bought another one. No, it's getting reupholstered. What is where is it now at the reupholstery place? It was that who cuts your grass? A gardener. When does he cut it on Wednesdays? Every Wednesday? Yeah.

Why not every other Wednesday? I don't know. You'd save money if he came every other Wednesday. I guess so. Does he water the grass? The grass? No, it's there's a sprinkler system. Do you program it?

No, he does. How does he know how much water to put on there? I'm like, what the fuck are you doing right now? Oh my God. I mean, this went on. I'm not kidding you. 30 minutes machine gun style. Then I was just like, at the end of it, when she left,

I sunk into the chair. I actually felt my insides fucking shutting down. I go, I need to take a nap. They suck the life force right out of you. I mean, what is with all the fucking questions? Do you know what I would do? We use this fertilizer. I'm like, why are you doing this to me right now?

Oh my God. I hate it when people ask me inane questions. Like, is it really that interesting? One time I was eating spaghetti squash in front of your aunt. Yeah. And all you do is bake the, you cut it in half, you bake it, and then you take a fork and you rake out the squash. Well, you would have thought that I was splitting cells

in a fucking Petri dish because she came over. What are you eating? And I'm like, it's squash. How are you doing this? I'm like, I'm just fine. I'm starving too at the same time. Like, I was so angry and I was so mean. I shouldn't have been meaner, but I was like, it's nothing.

I'm just, I don't know. Like, I couldn't answer. I went to one time, she asked me for help. It was like Thanksgiving and she didn't do anything because she couldn't find the saran wrap or the kind. Do you have tin foil? I'm like, no, I just, whatever, just cover it in anything. I don't fucking care.

You know what I mean? Like, they can't adapt. No, she made my brain fucking. Shut down. Oh my God. Speaking of, do you know what I was noticing on my travels this weekend? Or can I have your phone just to show you? Yeah.

I always observe older white guys in terminals. It's my favorite thing to do. I like to see how they dress. I like to see how they behave. This is, this is the older parent, well, mostly older white guy move. They hold their phone in their left hand and then they use their index finger to navigate and push a button. Like, you don't do that, right?

Everybody knows it's thumb action. Like, you have to be super fucking old. My dad does it. Yeah. Old people use their pointer. Yeah. He'll like dictate to you. Do you think you could put this in there and put it in there?

It's like it's a special code. It's just fucking da-da-da-da-da. She did this, by the way. So she goes, your mother said when you are in Australia, you had to, you met some animals? I was like, yeah, I got to hold koalas and kangaroos. She said you had pictures? Yeah.

So then I open my folder of photos and I just quickly create an album of just like 10 photos. Right? I just go like, I select them and I go, just otherwise she's going to be like swiping through the phone for a fucking hour. So I create the folder, I put 10 photos in it, emu, kangaroos, koalas. She goes, huge swipe, huge swipe, huge swipe, huge swipe. And then she's like, how did you get to hold the koala?

I'm like, I went to the animal sanctuary and they just let you hold them? Oh my god. I'm like, well, it's not, they're not roaming freely. It's a section and then you just get to hold them. Well, if you get in the line, how many people are in the line? Oh my god, it doesn't matter. And then they all get to hold them, not at the same time, but yeah. And then do they tell you what the koala eats?

Yeah, they mention it. Yeah, eucalyptus. Eucalyptus, how can you eat that? They're fucking animals. I don't know. They just eat it. I mean, it was like, I hate it. To the point where I was like, I don't fucking, I really was like, you know.

Suck a souffle. I mean, I didn't know what the fuck was happening. I think I hate when people ask me details about inane things. Yeah, like questions about shit that it's not really interesting to me. Therefore it's, I don't want to go over it like hashing out the details of it with you. I don't like it. I get really fucking irritated with people. Just believe me, this just had quite an effect on me.

But I couldn't take it anymore. Yeah. Well, one exciting thing happened to me with the Christchers this last week. So Josh Adam Myers sent me a text that was like coronavirus found in your neighborhood and click on this link to read more. And of course, I click on it and he got me. It was a picture of a huge dude with his dong out. Yeah, he's like a famous meme, this guy.

I've seen him for years. It's so great. It's a big black guy sitting on the end of a bed and he's got just he's enormous. Like he's he's he looks like a fucking lineman and he's got a big, big old fucking stinky cock. Yeah. I mean, oh, here it is. Here's what I sent Burt. So I sent it to Burt and Leanne knowing that because their parents look at his eyes.

It's so great. I just woke up. I still got this dick. It's such a big dong too. It's so awesome. It is so awesome. Yeah. It's just a fucking great picture.

And anyways, so so I sent it to Burt and Leanne. Nobody said we're just a great picture. I think it's hilarious and and and appetizing. I get real hungry when I see that photo. I don't know why I want to eat chili dogs anyway. OK, so then and I wrote I go read the article because I wanted Leanne to click on it because I had a worry in the back of my mind that she would just forward it to other moms. So I was like, hey, read the article.

I can't hit right. But what you didn't know is that she was on a plane about to take off. And so I got this from Burt when she when they when they when they sent it to her, she tried to click it and it was she was in between like Wi-Fi and, you know, cell service. Yeah. And she was like, oh, and so she just copied, pasted and sent it to the softball moms on 15 moms. And then she sent it to Georgia and Isla.

And then they took off and they're like, oh, and then when she landed, she goes, something must have happened to Burt. And she goes, why? She goes, I got 25 text messages. And he said the answers were like from the moms were like, oh my goodness. I had something similar happen in college. Like they all started like hitting there with and then finally somebody was like, I don't think you clicked this before you sent it.

And she was like, uh-oh. And then she jumped and then she goes. She's she immediately called Georgia. She's like, did you click that link? She was like, yeah, what the fuck? Georgia thought it was funny. And then they go, she goes like, Isla, did you click it? And she was like, yeah, it's pretty scary.

We all got to take better care of ourselves. Like, it's pretty serious health hazard. So Isla did not click on it. See, that's funny. I didn't know the whole genesis of that part. All I heard later, like Burt texted me. He's like, push, Leanne sent this to like 50 moms. And I was laughing and then I felt so bad for Leanne because I'm like,

oh, is she mad at me, dude? Because I did not mean to sabotage her because she's not a comic. You know, like, so I'm like, oh, dude, I'm so sorry. I'm so great though. Super funny. So thank you, Josh Adam Myers for the, he's the origin of that text. He is. Yeah, he's got a bunch of good ones like that.

He said that other one that you tried to get me with. Yeah, he's got some good material. So BlueBand, as you guys know, was in China, brought back the Wuhan coronavirus. Yeah, thanks, dude. And he has infected any. So, you know, these guys won't be here much longer. Well, you know, we're doing our best.

We're still showing up to work, as you could see, you know, and people switching. Keep commenting that you really are dressing to the nines. And they're like, what's going on? And I keep telling people he's got that Danny swag. Yeah, yeah. It's like, if I got it, I'm going to flaunt it. How do you, are you, you're happy with your Danny stuff?

I don't think I've ever been happier with clothes. You look great. The clothes have made the man. I'm telling you. And you don't need an excuse to wear it. Just wear it. Yeah. Yeah.

You deserve it. I just like looking good. I like feeling good. And then, you know, mixing and matching it with all my super authentic, like Supreme and Air Jordan. And yeah, that's really fucking cool. Yeah, it's like a little mix and match. You know, I'm bringing a little street to it.

I really like it. Trying to drip. Well, it's great. But yeah, you know, coronavirus, I just want everyone to know because they've been asking, the incubation period is two weeks. I'm way past the two week mark. I can't speak for any. I think he might have the snake, the snake aids.

But great. Yeah. Fuck it, man. Fuck it. So that's how you live. Yeah. Just fuck it. True.

Yeah, you got sick with this last week. Yeah. I mean, the bad symptoms are gone though. I had the hot eyes. That was bad. And I was the hot eyes. I never even heard of that. I know.

Just keep them in the booth. Okay. Yeah, I just don't touch my phone. Don't touch my dog. Don't meet the guests. Don't meet the guests. You stay in there. Stay there.

We'll bring your lunch in here. Yeah. Yeah. Shut the door behind them. I'll just show you guys. Don't worry about it. Thank you. Don't talk to them.

How was your dump? See, we've been crapping. No, sickness makes it way, I mean, in my opinion, better, but you'd probably say worse. Now you and I are both fond of the sour belts. That does that makes me shit like crazy because I'll eat a whole bag of them. And the acidity of them makes me cry.

It doesn't make you shit. Damn. No. Have you not picked up on that nothing makes them shit? Well, I just figured like, I don't know. No, I had one of those, the big, like the huge containers of them. Yeah. And I've already had like half of them in like a couple of weeks.

Yeah. They doesn't do anything. It doesn't matter. Well, I'm excited to hear your bowel movement updates. Will you keep me posted? Yeah, absolutely. I've been, I've been tracking it actually on my stories because I never, because it's the thing I always forget.

You guys always ask me when's the last time I don't remember. So I'm putting it on stories. Great. Wow. Shout out. So once a month you get a cool little emoji. There you go. Just so I know, just so I remember.

That's exciting. Thank you. Can we please visit Charles? I miss him. What's going on? It's Charles. Charles. You guys remember Charles, right?

God damn it. How can I fit? What's going on? It's Charles from Match. Just wanted to do a video instead of a text or a phone call. I've been here, I don't know, since 7.30 doing. No, no, please, please.

What are you doing? I just like him. I'm setting something up. What are you doing? All right. Come on. I enjoy. Actually, my new office.

I really like it. Not going to lie in. It's got this really cool view. Where are we now? There we go. A. There we go. There you go. There's Charles.

Just giving everybody a refresher so that you don't shit all over your pants when I tell you what's about to happen. Do you remember, hey mommy, thanks jeans. Of course. Where we told you how we were ordering in the Starbucks drive-thru and then you guys went to the drive-thrus and you started to place orders, record

them, sent them. It's honestly one of my favorite things in the history of doing this podcast. In the nearly 10 years, that probably made me laugh the hardest. Well, step aside. Hey, mommies, because what's going on? It's Charles from Match.

Just want to do a video instead of a text or phone call. I've been here since, I don't know, 7.30? Doing some little point work, you know, typing them. It's going in a report. They're coming in. I actually have a new office. What's going on?

It's Charles from Match. Just wanted to do a video instead of a text or a phone call. I've been here, I don't know, since 7.30? Doing some little video editing, I should say. I had to zoom in on that. Going up on YouTube later. And my office, actually, my new office,

really, really like it, actually. Not going to lie. It's got this really cool view. Where are we? Where are we? Oh, there we are. Anyway, women talk since, I think, Saturday. So tonight, I'm looking at Lilies and Union Square.

I'm going to be there around 8 o'clock at 15. And I'm going to be in a fantastic mood. Yeah. You know what I always get confused by on these videos? Charles, is that... By the way, I was Don first and this is James. Wonderful work, you guys. I'm really impressed.

But it always confuses me why Charles is in a good mood because he has so much work to do. Why would that make him happy? That makes me upset. But think about it reaching out to a potential suitor at a date and being like, am I at fucking work when I go on a date later? I got a bunch of shit to do. I don't even know why I'm fucking texting you right now.

That's true. It's like negative Nancy energy. Yeah, you've got to be like, hey, I'm a fucking... Plus, I think that's who Charles is. He's a positive upbeat. He's a positive guy. It's like when your husband gets a new girlfriend and they're so happy for you and all that NRE.

NRE. Yeah. Yeah, true. I'm just so happy for you guys. Feels good, man. What's going on? It's Charles from Match. Just wanted to do a little video.

I've got like, I'm looking around. I got like, posted notes. I have my to-do list and everything else. And you know, it's just everything's around me. I've got, you know, the rubber gloves, the bleach, the chloroform, the zip ties. So, oh, and of course, I've got my ice latte. But anyway, shoot me a text.

Shoot me a text. And let me know if eight o'clock works, because I could do 8.30, but a little bit earlier might be tough, just because I do have a lot to do. So, shoot me a call, or I'll have Karen, I'll have Karen, my secretary, call. Karen! Collar.

Karen! Karen! He has Charles' laugh down. He's got it down. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. What's going on? It's Charles from Match. Just wanted to do a quick video instead of a text or a phone call.

This is depressing Charles. I've been here since, I don't know, about 7.30, doing some video, video editing, I should say, for this video that's going up on YouTube. And, uh, I got this brand new fucking office mate. I'm going to take a look, I'm excited. Got this killer view. But anyway, we haven't talked, I think, since Saturday,

and tonight, I'm looking at Lily's in Union Square. Ah, I'd say about 8 o'clock, 8.15. And, uh, I got a bunch of stuff to do, I'm having to be in a pretty good mood. I got a bunch of post-it notes going around here. I got my, my ice latte. And anyway, shoot me a call, or shoot me a text, whatever you'd like, I don't know if 8 o'clock works.

I can do 8.30, maybe. But any earlier than that might be tough, because I do have a lot to do. And, um, did I say my name in the beginning? It's Charles. Dude. It's a very interesting interpretation of the text. That's what I'm saying.

Yeah. I never saw it going this route to, like, a deeply depressed person in a dark room. And it's very funny, it's a very funny take. I also like his view is of a poster of New York City, which is great. That is Jordan. Very clever.

And before him was Trevor. Oh my God. So, uh, really enjoying, uh, your guys' interpretations of Charles, uh, the great Charles. Who, I, I want to make sure I, um, do you know, hold on, is this, uh, Um, anyway, we haven't talked, I think it's in Saturday. So, uh, tonight I'm looking at Lily's and Union Square.

Oh, say around eight o'clock, eight, 15. And I'm going to be in a fantastic mood then, because I have so much to do. I'm looking at my to-do lists all around. I've like posted notes and everything else. And I got my, my ice latte. Oh, so is there, have you heard? Can you give me the update here?

What's going on with Charles? So, he is aware of us. Okay. It was brought to my attention that he, I think, got into the comment section of that video, where we premiered him. There is a video where he responds to being in the show. Okay.

I don't know if you want me to tell you it now or prep it for next week. Oh, just tell me now. So, yeah, so there was a bit where he was like, yeah, you know, they put me in a show. That's pretty cool. You know, I guess any exposure is good exposure. The lady that tweeted this out, he's like,

he sent this to her five years ago. Okay. And he just starts going like, yeah, this is how good her life is. She's posting something that I sent her five years ago. Hope everything's going well. Like stuff like that. But other than that, he seems like a pretty well-rounded guy.

Yeah. Like we were looking into his channel to see like what other funny stuff we could find. Yeah. But it's all, it's all kind of not funny. You know, he's kind of like a self-help type of dude. Right, right. Charles is a guy who's got his shit together.

No, he's a positive guy. Super positive guy. And he does, I saw that he fucking post videos just alone talking of like 55 minutes. Like, hey, remember, you gotta take every opportunity you can get and just will rant. What I just said, like his response to the video or to us showing his video,

happened in minute 45 of a video that he posted. Oh, okay. Did you have to scan that whole video? Someone did. OK. Someone sent it into us and gave us a time code, I think. Well, I think Charles is, there's a charm to him because you know he's not malicious.

He wasn't like, good morning, Julia, where that guy was clearly mentally ill and a predator. Like this guy is just, sorry. Charles is just shooting a shot. Yeah. Like he was taking it, he was trying to impress a girl and he made a video that, you know, he's endearing, he's sweet. He is very endearing.

01:02:15,640 --> 01:02:17,240 This is probably a more important update for most of the listeners. You guys remember episode two of Piss Pots that we caught. All right. Episode two of Piss Pots. I want a random road. I'm pulling my dick out.

I want a random road. I'm gonna piss in this monster can. I mean, piss me. Oh, I talk. Around episode two. We found episode one. I guess I hate starting shows out of sequence. Are we binge watching today?

This is a tough one to put together. You start episode two, you're like, how the, where had we get here? Well, now we can finally figure it out. Is there a recap? Because also, if you don't remember, in episode two of Piss Pots, he mentions that he's in his car drunk. On the side of the road. That's right.

It's central to the plot. Oh, yeah, I needed, much needed. So I'm thinking this series is going to be wherever I need to fucking piss when I'm drunk. Oh, there we go. So it's solid premise. Myself. Well, it does make sense.

That's a good TV show. I'm thinking this series will be just me pissing when I'm drunk. Today, I'm in my car. Well, you guys want to see how it all started. You remember when George Lucas made Star Wars, and it was just a wild idea? This is pretty similar. Pissing in random places.

This is episode one. Part one, I'm at the Seawall in the Oakland Beach. In his car, though. Warwick, Rhode Island. Check it out. Yeah. Oh, cool. On location.

Pretty cool. You've got the traveling episodes. Nice to have the car freshener. Well, the black car, black ice car freshener. I am not racist. Okay. Got to make that distinction. Well, you know, you laugh at the idea of a series

based on piss pots, but I mean, it's happened. They made TV show, I mean, movies out of pirate to the Caribbean. Highly successful franchise. Haunted Mansion. They've made movies out of that. I'm just saying, I'm not going to be surprised if Hollywood is like a traveling drunk guy on location. To travel, he finds himself in a place to piss.

All right. So we're pissing the cup, the show of the piss. Oh my God. He needs to drink. That's too bright. That's bright yellow. Yeah. It's very, either he's drinking.

That's the piss. It's vitamins. All right. Let's, uh, hold on. Let's rest that there. Hopefully he doesn't spill. Put my dick away. All righty.

Episode one riveting. All right. Guess dump it out. It's good that he's driving. He's driving again. Oh my God. All right. So I'm going to review the piss spot.

This piss spot. Oh, is it piss spots? I'd say five out of 10 piss bottles. Whole time I thought it was piss pots. Yeah. Yeah. He's really missing an opportunity there. It's piss spots.

Yeah. Well, now the branding makes more sense. So he's like finding spots to piss. That spot. And then he's going to recommend places. See, I'm not an ideas guy. This guy's got all the ideas. But babe, is he going to be like a connoisseur of places

to piss when you're drunk? And then he's like, I like this area. That's what this is. No, this is different than piss pots, though. That's what I'm saying. Oh, it is. Because before it was just about the container, the piss pot, and now it's piss spot.

Now this is a good show. He is like the Anthony Bourdain. Yes. Piss spots. Yes. Yes. Good job. Really good.

All right. So I'm going to review the piss pot. This piss pot. Did I move it to the wrong screen? I'd say 5 out of 10 piss bottles. Oh, 5 out of 10. Oh, 5 out of 10 piss bottles. OK.

What is that? I feel like I moved it. Oh, there he is. I don't want to miss a moment of piss spots. Of piss spots. No, of course not. Nobody wants to miss it. We're just so you know, we're almost

at the end of episode one. I just wanted to give everybody. Is there going to be a cliffhanger to keep us locked in so we binge? I don't know. It's kind of coagulated with people. Whatever. All right.

5 out of 10 piss bottles. This was a spot piss review with Joey Ervs. And I will catch you retards on the next video. Well, he does know his audience. What the fuck, man? I'd say who is dumber, him or us, for watching it or him for making it. Because I feel pretty dumb that I'm enjoying this a lot.

You're using all of them. Yeah. I do enjoy piss spots. That's a really cool way to sign off with your audience. OK. Now, I will say that I looked into his channel. Yeah. And there's only two episodes.

What? Of piss spots. No. Episode two was uploaded eight months ago. Oh, man. And same with episode one. So it looked like he was on a train. And then something came out.

I'm going to guess. I'm going to throw a wild guess out there and say there might be a jail stand in his timeline. Yeah. I think something's definitely keeping him up. And I also am going to take another wild guess and say that it won't be his first defense for whatever he's in for right now.

This is not. He's not new to how DUIs work. It's not like what? It could be public indecency, right? It could be a hand for sure. There's a lot going on. Look, it could even be. Suck a souffle.

It could be. How much would you love prison piss spots, though? I would watch the shit out of that. I prefer to see him park somewhere. It's a fun spin-off. Yeah. Pee. It's pretty exciting stuff.

Piss spots. Man. Man. It's pretty crazy. I really like this guy's work. Yeah. Well. Oh, God.

All right, guys. If you want to see me live doing stand-up, I have a seat in Spanish, February 13th and 20th. That's Oxnard in Tempe, Arizona. I'll be in Las Vegas, March 6th and 7th at the Mirage in Las Vegas, of course, at Terry Feitor Theater. April 18th, I am at Harris in Valley Center, California. That is near the San Diego area, as I understand.

Then it's back to Spanish, Dallas, Houston, Austin and San Antonio, April 20th through 23rd. Then back to Vegas. I'm doing a bunch of shows there at the Mirage, 29th and 30th. West Palm Beach, June 5th and 6th, and a Spanish show in Miami on the 7th. And then I'm back in Vegas again, July and October. Those are all at tomseguro.com slash tour.

Thank you very much for supporting me. Jean? Jean, I'm doing Tampa coming up on Valentine's Day weekend, Cobb's Comedy Club in Manfredisco. I'm thinking 8 o'clock, 8.15 show. Yeah. Pasadena, March 7th. I'm doing the Miami improv.

I'm doing Addison, Tejas, Caroline's Comedy Club in Jewdork titties. Gansdown. Oh yeah, and I'm having Shuli Agar open for me and Caroline's. I'm so excited. Des Moines, Iowa, The Funny Bone. And I just added new Westminster, British Columbia. I have not done my motherland in so long.

You're doing the House of Comedy there? Yeah. Yeah, Sean. I'm so excited to go to Canada. Fartnix, Arizona. Stand up live. Cleveland, Ohio at Hilarides. And then San Antonio, Tejas at the Laugh Out Loud Comedy

Club tickets at Christina P. online. 01:10:56,760 --> 01:11:00,120 This might be my favorite episode of just drops and clips that we've had in forever. That's pretty fantastic. It's so freaking good, homie. OK. We'll be back.

And we're back with the royal ranter himself, an amazing actor, podcaster, comedian. Michael Rappaport here, everybody. Thanks for having me. Thanks for coming in. The dog barks. She's a fan too. We were just talking.

You know, it's funny because you are a fantastic actor, but it even stands out how much better of an actor you are when the public gets to see who you you're real persona. In other words, you know, a lot of actors, their whole thing is like, whatever, they'll do interviews and they'll be like, yes, no. Right. And then they're like, you know,

I just want you to see my characters. You've gone the route of being like yourself. Yeah. Everybody gets to see who Michael Rappaport really is. Yeah. And then we get to see you act. And I think it makes it stand out more how good of an actor you are. Well, I appreciate that.

I mean, you know, it's the, you know, though we were talking about atypical, that character in particular is so, and that's like what I'm doing the most right now acting. That character is so sort of emotionally repressed. And then the dichotomy of what people see me online and your sport show is very different. You know, I, you know, I probably when I was younger

could have afforded to been a little bit more mysterious, you know, as an act as a persona instead of like, you know, like, because, you know, so many actors are so full of shit in terms of, and listen, you know, it's branding and all that stuff. But like, it's like when they present themselves on talk shows and stuff, I'm like, who the fuck is this? You know, because like, you know, these people are like, who the fuck?

Like this is the way they take themselves. So we don't speak this way in real life. But, you know, I mean, like I said, I probably could have afforded to do that a little bit more when I was younger. But, you know, as, you know, Wait, do you regret stuff? Like, have you said things in the past? No, no, no, not, not regretting.

Just, just, you know, I wanted to be like my goal as a young actor was to be a character actor. And then when I'm like, I could have, you know, I could have just chilled a little bit when I was in my 20s and in terms of like not being so rough around the, I don't know. It's like, I have a, I'm very lucky to have the career that I have. So, but when you look back, you know, as you see yourself age and shit, you know, like 20, 21, you're like, damn, you know, I was kind of good looking.

I never thought that, you know, I never like, I never looked at myself as like, I never like, when I was young, you don't pay attention to your looks, you know, but you could have like, you know, I look at photos from like premieres and show up with sweatshirts and hoodies on and shit. You know, like, you know, when you could have like, had to maybe like, put a jacket in the suit on and shit, but I was like, fuck that, you know, fuck that, you know, I was like, on that, fuck that shit. Yeah.

I was really on that, fuck that shit. So, so, you know, whatever. But I mean, like, I did that because you were like, I'm not one of these pretentious actors in a way, right? Yeah, but I was in a way because I mean, I wasn't whatever. Who the fuck knows? It's so long ago, like, I see like, you know, clips of like, you know, you'll see these things pop up.

There's a there's this online thing. It's it's called like opening night and they'll show like premier photos from the 90s, from the 80s, from the 70s. It's kind of a cool website. And I'll be like, oh, what the fuck, you know, like that night. Oh, like, you know, and I just I had like a real attitude. I had an attitude. That's why that also got me working.

For sure. It's all good. You know, I mean, and you know, it's just kind of like, you're able to get perspective on who you are as you get a little older. What is because like, I've always wanted this for for you because you're you. I mean, you seem like, you know, just such a real ground to dude. What your approach to acting? Do you, you know, there's people who go like, well, you read the fucking page

and you do what's on the page. And then there's, you know, the other end of that is like, you know, really methodical, trained acting where it's like, you know, whatever. It's like method or everyone. Do you like fall in between? I think I fall somewhere in between. And I think I approach acting and every character and really every scene and every show or every movie with what is necessary to get to where that is.

And now, you know, I could do something that may be very simple for me with a specific part that would be challenging for somebody else. And there could be a specific tone that somebody else is uncomfortable with there and that that would be challenging for me that someone else is like, oh, I'm easy. That's comfortable. So for me, it's like, it's on a kind of a part to part scene to scene, a day to day basis, you know, but, you know, like, you know, as far as a method and you have your own method.

I mean, one of the things about acting is like so much of it to me is your energy, like your energy, like, I mean, there's elite, elite, elite actors like, you know, the Christian Bales and the Denzels. You know, these are elite, you know, guys that could do everything. And they, you know, have just a skill set as actors like the checklist, like, you know, they could do, you know, characters, you know, they got the looks. You know, great with accents, you know, Meryl Streep, you know, but like, at the end of the day, your energy will come through, whether it's Christopher Walken's

energy, you know, it's a very unique cadence. His energy is, you know, people say he's creepy, you know, or, or De Niro. Like, you know, it's like, as we get to see him a little like, that's De Niro. Like, that's who he is. Like, you know, when you're in front of him, like that charisma, that birthmark, you know, that's just fucking Robert De Niro. Yeah. Or, you know, and, but for me, like, I just approach each scene, each show,

the way it needs to be approached. And some days you have to sort of, you know, some days you could snap in and out of it. And some days you have to kind of stay in that rhythm and stay in that vibe. And yeah. And, and, and it's just kind of like a, like a day at one of different strokes. My favorite thing, like, you know, you've done, you've done so much movies and everything. But like, I feel like you've been in everything.

I've been watching you forever. I've been lucky. I've been lucky. But one of the things that I was like, man, because at that point I had seen you for a long time, the episode of Louie you did. That was fun. Dude. And here's the thing that I, I feel like I've, I more believe with every year more is that when

a character is kind of dumb and you're like, this guy's so fucking dumb that I, I, and I, and it's believable, you feel like the person playing that part is smarter. And you know what I mean? Like you have to be intelligent to pull off dumb well. Yeah. To make it seem real and grounded. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't just be like, I'm dumb.

Yeah, I agree. And to make it genuine. To make it genuine and authentic. Yeah, that, I mean, that was. That was so great. And you know, the writing was so fucking good. You know, it's crazy because of that. Like the Louie show has been like, I can't find that episode anywhere.

Really? Like scrubbed. Louie, the Louie show is gone. That shit's gone. And, and, and, but I mean, the writing was so good. And, you know, like, I think I got it on a Friday and, and, you know, well, like I had to be in New York on a Monday and it was freezing. I mean, it was fucking freezing.

And I had never met Louie before. And like we were out there, you know, he had like a ski mask and, you know, he was like, let's just do it. And I was like, let's just fucking start because it was fucking freezing. But he's a really, really good director and a really good writer. And, you know, and it was a good opportunity. And like that, that was like a cathartic character for me. Like that, that emotion was very something.

Like for me, like I was able to, you know, let loose a lot of emotions that I was having specifically at that time. Like that. And I was, and I really enjoyed doing it. You are a very passionate person. And I, I, you know what I do love hearing you talk about acting now and knowing you just very little that I know you in person. You are so real.

And that comes through. Like you're, you seem pretty down to earth. You're an earth dog, right? Yeah. To quote Howard Stern, his earth dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're so passionate. You're, are you in touch with your feelings?

Do they? Yes. Take over? Yeah. I mean, yeah. Are they ever subtle? My, yeah, I asked my wife. But I mean, they're, they're, yeah, I mean, you know, like, I don't know.

Like it's, you know, I'm definitely, you know, I think that the lighter shades, the feelings, you know, as far as like the lighter shades, I could probably be more improved at the time. I'm very good, very excited, very angry. I'm with the very, sometimes like the very soft, I mean, but, you know, like, in that, you know, like the lighter shade, you know, like I look at, when I look at acting, you know, we talk about the good, good actors, you know, like the crayon boxes, you probably got your kids, you know, they got like the 16 crayons or 32 crayons, the 164.

Like for me, the goal is to have the 164 at your, at your, like those great, great, great actors, you know, they can make them accessible. Yeah. So, so that, you know, but in real life, you know, I'm probably at a 32, 64. I'm good. Yeah. But there's a big box where you really. I'm at a five.

I'm the kind they give you at the restaurant for the kid to play with. Is your wife as intense as you? No, really? Is it like as a. It's a good balance. It's a balance. It's a good balance. Is she ever like, Mike, dial it.

Oh, she's all the fucking time. Yeah. I mean, yeah, she's all the time. Of course. I mean, come on, man. No, I know. Yeah. I've seen you.

I'm like, she's gotta be. No, she's all down. When did she tell you to calm down last? Super Bowl Sunday. Super Bowl Sunday. During the game or like prior to the game? It was the fucking whole day. You know, it was the whole day.

You know, we were, I was, you know, I've been trying. Me a plant based diet for the month. Shit, man. How's that? You know, because she's on that shit. That's the worst. So and also I got some health issues. So I was like, let me try, you know, to see inflammation.

Jews, you know, are you Jewish? I'm not. I wish. I wish. Now, but we got one. Okay. We got the quarter. You got one joke.

Okay, cool. It's good. Yeah. But he's like, really fucking right. Super Jew. I heard the Hebrew. But anyway, but like I was very excited about breaking in. I had these pastrami chicken wings and, you know, and my

wife's like, you know, she's got a lot of, it was just like, she, but now her new thing to me is she's like, because I make a lot of noises. Oh, like during the game? No. Oh. In life. Like I, like I make like, you did a noise when we started. You were like, not that's nothing.

That's nothing. It's like, like, it's like I'm like a 96 year old dinosaur. Yeah. That's what's in me now. So she's now because she's like, are you okay? Like she literally like, are you okay? And I'm like, the fuck are you? It's like, yeah, I'm just making noise.

She goes, yeah, but those are not normal noises. You know, she's, I'm, I'm, I'm, this is my second, second marriage. I'm one for two. Okay. You guys, one. This is one, but his next one will be a 20 year old. I'm going to get a fucking dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. I got you.

And I'm going to give her handbags. I got you. Just put things in her mouth. And to shut the fuck up. That's what we've been saying. Wait, is that what your second wife is? Hell no. No, no, she not.

She no, no, no, no, no, no, no. So what, you want the other way? No, she's, it's just a good balance because she's like, like, you know what is a, in a simple context without boring the shit out of everybody is like, she's from the beach. She's from Santa Monica. I'm from the city. Yeah.

Right. So if it's really like water and like concrete, that's the balance. Gotcha. And she just, you know, that's, that's in a nutshell without, you know, is she like yoga and, and she's on, she said the much of that too much, too much compared to you, in a sense. Yes, but not fucking like way to fuck out like annoying. No, I mean, you know, she'll dip into shit like whatever.

I don't want to like, but, but, but it's just a good balance. You know, it's just a good balance and being the marriage expert that I am since I've had so much success. Yeah. I think that the balance is important. Like you can't have too, you can't have too much concrete. You can't have two rapper ports together. Oh my God.

Two of you. Can you imagine? Oh my God. Jesus Christ. It's fucking overwhelming. So I'm still paying Alamon. Yeah. The first one.

Was your, was your first wife more rapper port? I would say in hindsight, yes. Yeah. More just how long have you been with your second wife? Well, we have an interesting thing because we dated when I was 21 to about 24. Oh. Like, which I think is it should be legal. You shouldn't be able to be in like a relationship when you're

so fucking stupid. It's so true. You're so dumb as a guy. I mean, I can't speak on the women, but I could tell you how dumb I was. Yeah. And that is when, like, I know how dumb I am now. Yeah. And the fact that I know that shows that I've gotten a little smarter.

But when you're that young. You have no awareness. You, like, you can't see like six feet in front of you. Like you're dumb as fucking shit because you think you have it all figured out. Yeah. So I was dumb as fuck. But then we re, we got back together like 10 years ago after blah, blah, blah, blah, and, you know, and it's a good relationship.

It's a good marriage. And I think it's, it's, it's an ever growing, improving vessel, which I like. Oh. I'm talking some real. I love it. How long have you been married the second time? We've been married now only three years, but we've been together for 10 years. OK.

So it's, it's good. It's good. Oh, this just hit me right now. Didn't, did you make the tribe documentary? Yes. Yeah. Because I'm a big tribe fan. Yeah.

And that's right. Like, that was, that was great. And like, you know, I mean, you know, if you're, if you grew up a fan and to see, I mean, obviously there's obviously very sad parts of it, but just to get some type of story, some closure, some information, you know, because most like big music acts, you just, when you have questions, they just stay unanswered. Yeah. Yeah.

You don't get the access to it. Yep. But you got. That's why I wanted to make the movie. Yeah. Because I had the, like my whole impotence to make the movies. Will you guys make another record? Yeah.

That's like a theme in the movie, but like that's what spawned it. And I just love tribe and, you know, and tribe called quest and hip hop and, you know, that music is like, I'm, I'm, I have no vested interest other than being a fan of it, but I'm, it means so much to me and it's, you know, the music of my youth and it's informed who I am, how I speak hip hop and being around it and being around it in New York at that time when it was unfolding, like tribe and all those, you know, golden era groups and, you know, Dayline and Eric B and rock came in. And just talking about what this is my husband's collection right now.

You guys are music soul mates. But that's part of, that's one of the reasons I was drawn to you even as an actor was because I knew that about you. I'm saying even years ago. Yeah. And then I felt like, you know, you feel like a kinship with, you know, who has the same music interest. Yeah.

I love, I love all that shit. It just is, it's, it's, I mean, it's part of my everyday life. There's not a day that goes by that it's not either listened to, thought about, you know, whether I'm walking my dog and, you know, fake beatboxing, like without, you know, just, it's just part of my fucking life. Did you hear that let the new gangster album? Yeah, it was good. It was good.

I like it. But the fascinating thing was the way, the way that that came together where he had to buy those crazy solar and then he told me about that. And then he didn't just go like, I'll put this beat to this song. 01:27:11,560 --> 01:27:19,720 He made beats for the, he basically created songs from the lyrics. It's amazing. Yeah, it is.

It's amazing. Premier is amazing. And it sounds like a gangster record. It does. It doesn't sound dating. You would not know like, oh, that's. I know it's dope. And, and, and, you know, making it under such, you know, turbulence and the tribulations of,

you know, someone passing just like the last tribe record with their fives passing. Yeah. And they have, and they have verses from him. Yeah. And you can feel the emotion in both those records because of that. So yeah, it was dope. I like that record. It's very, yeah.

Impressive too. Like he's really impressive. He's an amazing time. And those producers, like for me, like that's the biggest thing that I complain about with hip hop. Now it's, you know, there's, there's some good producers now, but like the production, like premiere and tip and all those dudes and, you know, a large professor and Pete Rock, like it was life and death.

Every beat you put out, if you put out some bullshit, you could be like, you're done. Yeah. So, you know, and the, like, you know, the first image of the Dr. Dre movie, the, I'm sorry, the NWA movie is of Dr. Dre laying in all the records and all the records. Yeah. You know, he was in love with the records before. But part of that has to be the fact that these, all those guys you name grew up with vinyl, right?

So they, they really were digging through crates. They really were finding loops and being like this. And even just, I'm saying from a practical, logistical standpoint, a kid now just wouldn't do that. Yeah, it's different. He's not going to dig through the record stores and being like, listen to these and being like, oh, break beats and figure out like this hook would work. And it just, it wouldn't even, you would have to really extend yourself.

That's so true. The technology has just made it that kind of discovery. But those guys, like Jay Dilla and all those guys were just obsessed with. They loved the shit. And they would be like, what'd you do this week? I bought 800 records and I, you know, went through, played all of them. Just to find the thing. Just to find this thing.

Yeah. And then that became, you know, the beat on a Nas song is because that guy was so like digging through crates for years and found this one thing that nobody ever paid attention to could be a beat. That just doesn't happen. Yeah, I agree. I agree. And that's why those guys, even the, those guys that are like, they're in their 50s now,

they're still great at it. So good at it. Yeah. Yeah. So good at it. Crazy. All loaves matter, man. I don't even know that.

What's that reference? It is. Oh, shit. All right. All right. Yes. Speaking of juice. What do we have for you?

Yes. So tell everybody caught wind of Ari Shafir. Yep. And he's one of yours. So fucking we all know him. It's been a crazy couple of weeks. Yeah. It's only a week.

It's only a week. Yeah. I don't know. Do you, do you have anything? You know, that situation, I don't know Ari Shafir. I don't know his comedy. Yeah. I've never like had any interactions with him.

You know, I, I'll talk about the Kobe situation. Obviously it was devastating. It was shocking. You know, it was, you know, it was so upsetting. And, and that day, that Sunday, as I was, and the rest of the world, was piecing together, you know, what happened and praying and hoping that it wasn't even real, like your own, you're almost in, you know, like you're, everybody's in their own sort of personal nightmare.

Like, y'all had this fucking crazy dream that that happened, you know, because it was so just upsetting. You know, whether you are a basketball fan, a sports fan, or not, like he represents a time in our life. You know, everybody for the last 20 years have heard, has heard that name, even if you're not even in the NBA, into the NBA. So when that happened, and then you start hearing like, you know, that, you know, there's other people and that, you know, his daughter was on,

you know, you're just like, It's devastating. Devastating. And you're like, what's real? What's not real? What's real? What's not real? Can this please not be real?

And then I was, you know, just going through Twitter and social media to see, see, you know, find out more information and watching the news. And I saw somebody had retweeted, it said something about his video. And I turned the video on and I'll be honest, I haven't even watched the whole video. When I got to the part where he was saying, and it was so, I'm not, I'm a shit talk of myself. And, and I'm not like, you know, like, I believe, you know, comedians, you could do what you want. The ramifications are the ramifications.

If you go on stage and you're doing fucked up jokes, I don't judge you. But the nastiness in that video hours after this, after what, and it was, it was nothing funny about it. There was no intent to be funny. I was disgusted by the shit. And I'm not, I have, I have thick skin. I, I don't give a fuck about what people say. And I've stuck up for other comedians publicly when other comedians don't stick up for them

with the Shane Gillis thing who I just met. But I, you know, like I've put, put my, my mouth on wax, my tweets on wax in support of, of, of him and thought that was fucked up. And, and, you know, and, you know, in different versions of Louis CK and my opinion on that and a bunch of other motherfuckers don't say jack shit and, and Shane Gillis's friends didn't say shit for Shane Gillis and other comedians were attacking him. But this was not a joke. This was not an inappropriate joke.

It wasn't an inappropriate tweet. You decided hours, two hours after this was broken to put a camera in front of your face with such nastiness and, and disrespect towards this person, the unsolved mystery of who is in there and say this. And I was just disgusted by the shit. And, and I don't consider myself a fair, you know, like light in the, you know, I don't consider myself soft about that shit. But I was like, nah, and, and I retweeted it and I put it on my social media.

And if anything, he should, he should send my wife some flowers because she said take it off your main Instagram page. He should, he should send my wife a bouquet of flowers and some chocolates and maybe, and maybe a fucking handbag because if it had been on my main Instagram page, it would have been worse quick. I don't give a fuck about Ari Shafir. I don't give a fuck about the ramifications of him getting his shit, his shows taken. I don't want anything to happen, happen to him.

But you say some shit like that, you have to deal with the consequences. You have freedom of speech and other people have freedom of the response that they're going to have. It was, it was disgusting. So, you know, that's how I felt about it. That's how I do feel about it. And any other comedians that have a problem with it, they should fucking put a camera in front of their face and say what they want to say. Because, you know, the, the majority of the comedians that I've seen have been like,

have said the same thing. And, and, you know, I know there's a lot of clicks and comedy and all that stuff. And I found out more about him. And I even like about the Burt Kreischer thing. Yeah, we draw them people. That shit's not funny. You're not funny. And then he said, you know, well, this is what I do.

Well, obviously enough people didn't know that that's what you do because people don't know you, but they know you now for this shit. And if you think it was misinterpreted, go down a staple center where there's a bunch of people still mourning, go in front of those murals and do the bit again in front of that. Do, do, do the same thing in front of the murals of Kobe. Go to the staple center and do it. And maybe you'll see if it gets a different response. Maybe, maybe I was wrong.

Go to Staples and do that routine down there. Because it's one thing to do it at the stand in front of your fans and another thing to do it, you know, at the comedy store in front of your friends. If you think you were misinterpreted, go to fucking Staples and do it outside of Staples. And see how people respond to you then. So that's my take on it. And I'm not moving off on it. And like I said, he should send my wife some flowers and some chocolate.

Because if I kept it on my main Instagram page, it would have been worse. I fully endorse Ari having to send your wife flowers and chocolate. Not only that, I would like to hire the camera crew to follow him down to Staples Center. To do the routine. To do the routine. Maybe I was wrong. I would love to see it. Maybe all the other comedians that spoke out and maybe all the other people that are,

you know, saying maybe they were all wrong. Maybe, maybe when you do it live in front of those people, it'll get a different response. No, I've known him a long time. And I thought, I had a similar reaction where I was like, the fuck is wrong with you, man? And I think he didn't. I really do think that he really didn't, did not register for a while. The way it came for a while. Like a couple of days in, he was like, what's like,

he's like, oh, people are upset. I'm like, you don't understand. Just to be clear, what did Ari say so that people listening if they have heard? Play it, play it on the thing. I didn't listen to the whole thing. It was fucking disgusting. Let's find it. Well, and also, and you gotta understand, it was, it was the, it was during the day.

I know it was during the daytime. Like it was, it was that day. All the information wasn't even out yet. Right. And it was just which, which nasty for him was, oh boy. Here we go. Well, yeah. I don't want to hear the whole shit.

Yeah. Play it. Play it for play. No, I think this is an edited video. Let me try and find the original. Okay. Yeah. I mean, basically, so Ari does this thing every time, like for years now,

whenever a public figure dies, he tweets a tweet about like in other words, like celebrating their death, you know, like Luke Perry died. Like he, he writes these dark death tweets about famous people. Yeah, it's a stick. It's a thing. And if the person is not as beloved, it can kind of go over. But then people in LA was just the whole city was devastated. Oh, it was devastated.

And he was the thing is he happened to be in Charlotte when this went down. Charlotte drafted him originally. Kobe. Kobe. And so he was, he was in front of Charlotte's arena. It was, look, man, it was all in line with like what he does, but it was the worst possible take, the worst possible moment done in the worst possible way and received exceptionally poorly.

I mean, people really, really lit him up. They went after his man, his reps. They went after the venues. He was going to perform at people. They canceled the shows, reps dropped them. It went like this is a severe blow. And I honestly, I haven't, I've only heard about it second hand because I didn't even want to watch it.

Yeah, because I'm so you don't have to play. But I want to let's hear. I haven't heard it. So I'd like to see exactly what we're talking about. Okay. And remember, this is this is during the day. It was like the like Sunday. No, it was.

It was you weren't even sure who else was. You remember I flew back from New Zealand. Yeah, it was Sunday the day. But I'm asking you, this is Sunday. That's what I'm saying. It's that day hours. Yeah. Like within the hour that it happened.

No, there's always a lot of like hate pain in the world. And it's always a bunch of terrible stories. And every once in a while, there's a good story. Good story come down. The guy who got away with rape got his today. Kobe Bryant is I'm here in Charlotte, the home team that originally drafted him. Maybe wouldn't have raped that chicken dinner if he'd been if he'd stayed in Charlotte with the Hornets.

But anyway, the point is, dude, it's like, as I know, there's always a lot of like hate. Hey, it didn't even finish. It just looped to the beginning. Yeah. Okay. Well, you get the gist of it. And it basically was not he was any acquitted of those charges. Yeah.

It wasn't even a. Yeah. Yeah. The charges were dropped. Silly. But but the whole point is that when he did he did the tweet. So there's the written word like, oh, he got, you know, he's dead and blah, blah, blah. And he posted the video.

So what people would do is they would on social media, they would post. They're like, look at this guy wrote and look at he went to the extent of the video. Fuck them up. The video. Fuck the video. Fuck them up. A tweet you can, you know, people. And then he didn't then he didn't apologize.

When it was when it was coming out and he's explaining it like, yo explained it what a couple of days later. But he's saying this is what I do. And I'm like, you're not that dude. No one knows who you are. Like your little people that fuck with you, they fuck with you. But the rest of the world, the majority of people don't know that's what you do. It's it's that one.

Yeah. Yeah. Every time a celebrity dies, I post horrible shit. I've been doing who cares. Yeah. Yeah. This is his. Well, he's explained.

And if you if you page to the right on the little arrow there, yeah. All right. So he's like, I've never heard. I was bummed. They're all jokes. He's basically explaining what it is. And then he basically said when I posted that thing, I didn't know all the details and that there were, you know, kids and stuff.

It's still like a troll thing to do. Yeah, I wasn't with it. I didn't know about the Burt Kreischer thing. Oh, the Burt thing. Yeah. He drugged him. He dosed our friend Burt. He could have killed him.

Yeah, he could have. Because he was on blood pressure medication at the same time. And his kids were there at the house and he like dosed him with a wife and the kids. That's crazy. Yeah. It's crazy. I mean, it's crazy. I don't know.

I don't want anything anybody to do anything to Ari. Me neither. But it would be funny if he died. Like naturally, I'm saying, like hit by a bus or a subway or something. You know, I'm not saying for you. That's a funny joke. That's a joke. Yeah.

So, all right, let's switch it up. Oh, we throw in your cans for one second. I want to, uh, uh, those right there. I just wanted to, I just feel like you can, can you hear, are they coming through? Yeah. You can, you're good at like, I don't know, just picking up on things quickly. So, so tell me what you think happened just before this video plays right here.

01:42:03,000 --> 01:42:03,720 That's all we know. Man, that's it. Yeah. Shit. I've got some theorists. What is your theory? The dog has a dog. Got a theory.

I think somebody peed on the floor. You think you peed on the floor? Look at all that liquid down there. What's all the wetness about? And the thing is about it is that it's a horrific scream, but everybody's laughing. You know, the group, all the people that are laughing, everyone's laughing. That's interesting. So, it seems like it's not as severe as the screen.

Oh, that's interesting. And they're all, they're all recording it. So, it's kind of a hot. 01:42:33,960 --> 01:42:34,920 They're having fun with it. Okay. What do we know what happened? No, that's all.

Oh, we're really, we're really guessing. Like connect the dots. Shit, I don't know. I mean, I don't think, I think, I don't, I, I thought that about maybe throw up or, but I don't, doesn't seem like enough pee. But there is a little trail of it. So, you see, like at the top, there is a trail of it. Yeah.

Whatever he's being dragged on his front and his front is dragging that liquid. We need to, did you guys see the, the documentary? Don't fuck with cats. No. I haven't been able to watch it because the trailer fucking spooked me. Here's the thing. I can watch you guys home videos of somebody chopping a person up, but as soon as they're like, they heard a cat.

I'm like, I don't know if I can watch this. What is it even about? Cause I'm too busy watching atypical right now. Yeah. And you got kids. I get it. I get it. It's, it's about these, it's about these online people, regular folks who are so great

as a documentary subjects. They just happen to be like, you think I, it was so well done. I was like, is this shit fake? And are they actors? Cause I was like, this is too fucking out there. But it's about this, these online people, regular people who get wind of this video of this guy torturing cats, right? They don't show much of the torturing video and they, they get obsessed with tracking

this fucking guy down. And then it happens again, then it happens again. And they're like, life becomes, we got to find this fucking guy. And it gets worse, worse, worse and way crazier things happen. Um, but the plot twists and the twists and turns and their obsession, they would get this. They could fucking figure this out. Don't fuck with cat's crew.

They could get this in a, in a manner of like, like an hour. Do you think this is real? We throw them on one more time. Sorry. I got a couple more to show you this. Do you think that this lady is acting or this is real? What do you think about Hitler? Um, I don't know who that is.

She's straight up. I'm assuming that's some kind of rapper. I saw this. You really? Yeah. She really doesn't know. Well, no, I mean, she was right. He is a rapper.

So, I mean, I saw this, you know, she really doesn't know. That's a dumb fuck. That's a dumb motherfucker. She's dumb as fuck. That's right. But that is real. I saw that. That's just a dumb motherfucker.

You think she's that dumb? Dumb as fuck. But it would be, I mean, you know, it would be dope if it was like little, you know, they got like little this, little that, little Hitler, little Hitler, like tattoos on his face and shit. The little mustache tattoo. I love that. I like your opinions.

Very strong. May I digress for one moment? You and I are huge stern fans. You're not a fan of Brent Hadley and his swinging with his wife. It's not that I'm not a fan of it. What's going on? It's, it's, um, I just, I felt at a certain point that whole thing with Brent on the stern show started because at a certain point I was like,

it's too much of it on the show. It's too graphic. I listen to the stern show in the morning. I don't want to start my day listening to this vulgarity. And I'm, I consider myself a vulgar person, but like it's, it's, it's getting too much. It's too redundant and it needs to be shortened. So I had called in, uh, make it stop, make it fucking stop. And, and, and, and then it can, you know, that he didn't want to hear that,

but constructive criticism. Cause that's what it was. So you felt that Brent was over sharing in the details that he was giving. And the wife. And the wife was over sharing. And I know it's like, oh, you can't talk about the wife. Well, the wife's on the show. She's now a character on the show.

So, and, and then it was like, I was being critical of his wife. I'm like, she's on, she's putting it out there too. So, uh, uh, then when it all backfired, when he's tripped to Los Angeles, I was excited about that. Gotcha. And when the jackhammer came in and he jackhammered his wife in front of his dog in his own bed, I'm like, this is what you get. You fuck you.

Yeah. See, I, you know, I love the show and it's not personal. It's not personal. He, he took it. I think he took it personally. Like I'm just like, as a listener, a paying customer, the customer's always fucking right. Interesting. Yes.

That's what they say. Yeah. No, I've heard the customer. I'm paying for serious. That's a, it's not, it ain't no three 99 shit. And you didn't want to hear it in the morning and you felt it was too graphic. It's too much. You don't want to hear him talking about eating pussy and going to the, the Swinger Club with

the big CD and all that. He does give a good depiction of the Swinger Club because it's like, it sounds just not good, not fun. You could smell it when he's talking about it. And that, and why does that bother you? What, what do you think is going on? Are you in therapy ever? Do you go to therapy?

No, I was in therapy. I'm not in therapy currently. But do you, are you weirded out? Is it sex? Does that weird you out? No, no, no, no. Sex doesn't weird me out. His sex weird me out.

And why is it because he's married? No, no, no, it's not even that. It just was, it just became too much. It was too much. It was too much, too gross. And like, like the idea of like his breath and, and, and the Swinger's Club and the bad music and the, you know, the, the, just all of it. I was just like, enough.

So I had to, I had to put a stop to it. And inevitably I feel like I won. You did. Because I feel like now he's not, you know, he's not swinging and they're not talking about the swinging. It took a little bit longer than I thought it would. But I feel like inevitably I won. You did.

Okay. Well, that's, that's what we bonded over that. That's right. See, this is, but this is why I love you is your passion for things that are just so silly. Like that, like I, because my husband knows that I'm a huge fan of the show. Oh my God. And I get very passionate too. And I'm very involved in these people's lives.

So I just love it that you're, you're, you're fired up about shit. It's good to be fired up all day. And if I'm going to involve myself with the Stern Show, I don't want to be. I'm not a super fan. I'm going, I want to be in the, in the fray. You know, that's why it's so great. Like you got in there. Like I'm not going to be like, oh, boo, I'm a fan.

No, I want to, I want to rip those big fucking teeth out of your mouth. Bubba boo. I want to pluck those fucking giant fucking work. Like I'm not like, Oh, no, you're in there. I want to be in there. I know. Like they say, Oh, you're close to whack pack. Well, then so fucking be it.

So fucking be it. I could, I'll work it out. I'm walking around my house. I love it so much. I'll just be like, I'll hear something. I'm like, what is that? And then I walk to another part of, and I, and I hear her. Like, what are you doing?

Yeah. He hates my joy. He's hated when I'm happy. You're like, you hide, you hide in like rooms. And listen to the kids. You listen to it at your house. Yeah. On my phone all the time.

I'll put it. I'll tuck it in my bra as I'm like cooking dinner. Just so I can hear it in your shot. Just for you. I got you. I love it. I'm just getting ready to do makeup before she goes. Oh, I love it.

I love it. I love it too. I'm a fan. I know. I know you are. It gives me entertainment. And I love when you call in and get all fired up. It's just great.

I love it. It's so fucking great. It makes me, it makes me giggle. Yeah. It's good. I love it. I love East Coast stuff. Yeah.

Yes. The I am Rappaport Stereo Pockets. We're on Luminary. We're behind a paywall. Oh, you're behind a paywall? Yeah. Luminary. $2.99 a month.

OK. And I love doing the podcast. I mean, talk about freedom of speech and sort of an unfiltered point of view, whether it's good, bad, and different articulating an emotion. The Kobe one was very hard to do and just being able to articulate that. Or if it's fucking Trump shit or the New York Knicks or I have a segment that it's an award-winning segment called The Sick Fuck of the Week, which is a great. This woman here, did she, I think I actually, I'm pretty sure I mentioned her.

She might not have been into The Sick Fuck of the Week, but maybe I think I called her the dumb fuck of the week. But The Sick Fuck of the Week is like people that, it's a lot of times people that, like I'd say, it's a big category of teachers that fuck their students, men or women, I don't support it. They should all be locked the fuck up. Or people that, like there was a gentleman last night in some small town in Texas that was fond of having his way with cows.

Oh my God. So that's a sick fuck of the week. That's a sick fuck of the week. We have lots of sick people on our show too. Yeah, we have a lot of sick people. Yeah, you go through them. Yeah. Yeah.

So you can't miss them. And it's like, at a certain point, I had to clear the docket because I had gotten inundated with so many sick fucks. So actually yesterday's podcast, which just came out there, was just, it was just like, I had to clean the docket because I'm the judge and jury. Do you want to watch some sick fucks? I mean, I have no, I mean, is it, is it graphic stuff? I don't know.

You're like, you won't watch, don't fuck with cats and you're going to put on something. Let's see what he had. Let's see what we have. Grab your headphones. Grab your headphones. Because otherwise you can't hear. This, I haven't even seen. Okay.

This right here, I haven't seen. Shit. So I don't know what this is. Okay. She shat herself. You animal, you fucking animal. But she was trying to do a sexy fart video. That's what I gathered from that.

You think it's a sexy pun? That's what she thought it was. She definitely thought that was it. She shat herself. She shat herself. Yes. How many times have you done that? Wait, wait, wait.

Wait, there's more coming. Leave your headphones on. Walt Christina? Yeah. Do you shit yourself a lot? No, well, not recently. But I will. You're on that all green fucking diet.

No, no, no. No, I have ulcerative colitis. And I've actually been in fantastic shape. But I am very open about the fact that when my ulcerative colitis isn't right, Runyon Canyon, the 101 or the 405 becomes my personal bathroom. You'll shit anywhere. If, if, yes, if need be because, but it's not for sport.

It's not one of these people. You're not doing it to be a pig. I'm not doing it to harass or, you know, there's people like they're serial shitters, like they'll go around and like then they'll catch them. That's not me. And trust me, when I had ulcerative colitis, when I first got diagnosed in 1987, the surveillance, the surveillance

world wasn't what is what it is now. Oh, yeah. But rest assured, rest assured. I do have a three a three wall technique where I try to do this. This is what I'm wondering. How do you shit on the freeway? Okay. Well, the freeway is easy.

The freeway is easy. Freeway is nothing because you have your car. You have the bush. You have doors and you're like, it's you done that. He's just said the 101 personal. That's my personal. Like, you know, they opened up Starbucks bathrooms. Like that's been.

So wait, you just throw the hazards on. The freeway is easy. It's not like I'm in the middle. I go pull over. I'm not like a fucking in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. You're pulling over and you don't have a hazard.

I just want to preface again. I'm not into shit jokes and I am telling you. I am. Okay. But I'm just letting you know because I'm not the like I have all sort of colitis. So again, I'm not doing it for sport. Right. But if push comes to shove and I have to make a choice,

am I going to shit myself in my car or shit on the 405? Or am I going to continue my hike at running cannon? Or am I going to shit in a bush at running cannon? And I'm going to make the choice for the second. Can you imagine if you're like, is that Michael? That's my biggest fear. That's my biggest fear. Is that fucking Michael?

No. That's my big. It can't be. You've done the run in one or no. Oh, yeah. Wait, wait, wait, let's go through it. So you're on the one on one. I mean, that's easy because you got your it's a three.

It's a three prong technique. So I have the front door. Right. You open the car doors. Two doors. Right. And then you have your so the only way you could be seen if by chance you're being seen is by in front of you.

OK, the freeway. There's not an overhead. Right. Cameras. The car door here, the car door here, because you open the back door in the front door. Right. You create like a little vestibule.

Right. Facing obviously not traffic. Facing right there. Boom. And it's it's so it's so quick. Fast. My technique is so boom, boom. Yeah.

And you don't you don't wipe though or do you wipe? Yes, of course I do. With what? It's my car. My car is like a right aid. What are you going to? I got like a right. It's like a right aid in there.

Like I mean, it's like wiping is the least of it. I mean, I mean, you could do you could do surgeries in there. I got band-aids. I got all kind of all this shit in your car. I just like I just that's just how I am. You are you wearing anxious anxiety? No, but I like, you know, I keep like my nail clipper, my nail filer.

Oh my gosh. Yeah. I mean, like I got, you know, it also is from kids. I got the band-aids when they were little. But like, you know, I'm a clean person. You're a clean guy. So so you take the wipes with you or the toilet paper? Boom, boom.

Yeah. Boom, boom. And then you shit. And then you go back in the car. What's the most proud you've been of yourself for pulling off a public shit? Like where you're like, good question, Tom. That's a very good question.

And it's a well thought out question. And it's a question. I'm going to just let me have a moment to think about that. Because we're talking about, you know, 30 years of this. Yeah. I would probably say like the 101, the 405, a running cannon. That's nothing to me.

I would say one, I'll tell you one time. This is what we have. One time. I'm on pins and needles. Yeah. Forget the acting school. Central Park, beautiful, beautiful spring day, broad daylight. And I will say, I will say that as I was as I was raising up,

and it's it's like a dog. It's like a squat. Boom, boom. And this is not like, oh, you're I don't mean to be graphic because I don't like shit jokes. Yeah, yeah. But this is not like I'm struggling to lose. It's like a pull your pants out.

Boom, boom. I don't mean to be offensive like soft serve or soft serve. Yeah, man. Of course. It's an emergency. This is yeah. It's an emergency. You know, Wuhan in there, he doesn't he goes.

He shits once a month, once a month, once a month. I'm serious. That's disgusting. It's disgusting and it's wrong and he needs help. Yeah, you need you need to go. But the doctor. But Dr. I'm talking about.

It's OK. So that ain't OK. Just believe me. Fucking crazy. That's not OK. It's not OK. It's not OK. Wait, where are you shitting?

Central Park, Broad Daylight. Where? Behind some bushes. But I was facing Fifth Avenue. But when I was on the way up, somebody made eye contact with me. And I was and it was the kind of eye contact like is is that. But I was done. But it was like I could tell they were like what why is he over?

Like maybe he thought I was taking a piss. But that I mean, you know, flower flower pots in New York City, Broad Daylight. This is in the 90s. What? But I mean, I was. Yeah, I mean, this is nothing. And not not a fucking thing.

They were like I've never and I don't want you to jinx me. Yeah. OK, I don't want you fucking up my streak. I'm like Cal Ripken. Yeah, I'm like fucking Cal Ripken of this. And I don't want you to jinx me. And again, I don't I take pride in my discretion. OK, but I am not a serial.

I'm not doing it for sports. No, you it's a medical condition. Now, where in Runyon Canyon are you browning? Oh, plenty of spots. What? Yeah, the bottom. I got a spot at the bottom. Does doing the exercise kind of trigger it sometimes?

You know what I mean? No, it's usually not really like. And again, it's not like I'm like I'm responsible. Like I don't leave the house because I have ulcer of colitis. Things do happen, but my body and the ulcer of colitis and shout out to anybody that has Crohn's ulcer of colitis. What up? You know, they will say that, you know, they understand it.

But like if it happens, it happens. And if it happens, like, you know, like I can make jokes about this woman here. She's in the comfort of her own home. So I don't really have compassion about for that. Yeah. That shouldn't happen in your own house. Right.

You know, you've had farts. Yeah. You're very upset for her. Why so angry with her? I judge her. Yeah. I judge her because she's not on her peas in cubes. Right.

Now, do you fart willy nilly? Are you very afraid of your farts? Does the do you shit in front of your wife? I mean, is she aware? Yeah. I mean, she's she, you know, when we were the first together, she saw horrible things. I mean, she was around.

I mean, but like as a woman, you know, like your husband, you're not going to shame them. But like, you know, that's when I had very, very, very, very active colitis in the 90s, you know, very, very active. Were foods causing that? You know what? To be honest with you, I think that foods accentuate it. And I think, you know, like I'm not a drinker.

Alcohol is very bad. Citrusy things. But I believe and, you know, like I said, I've had it since 1987, 1986. I was diagnosed with it 86 or 87. I believe this is just my take on it. And even my doctor now, he agrees with me that it is caused by stress.

But when when it happens, medicine and foods need you. There's no there's no way to go about what I had without medicine. No way. There's no homeopathic. And I tried all that. It's like an open wound inside. He's like, you know, you're it's like a terrible, terrible ulcer situation.

I don't mean to be too graphic. No, no, you're not. Believe me. But let me ask you this. We're painting a picture. You're you're in bed. Yeah. It's a.

Have I you're you want to say, do I have I shat the bed time? Well, I want to get your questions are very insightful. I just want to appreciate that. Of course, I want to know if my wife is going to leave me. It's Saturday morning. Saturday morning. You're laying in bed. Yes.

You're both kind of like, you're waking up. Yes. She's like, hey, Saturday morning. It's a beautiful Saturday morning. Little music waiting in the background. You're doing your stretch and then you feel. Oh, I got like just your standard Saturday morning fart in the chamber. Do you trust it?

At this point, I do. You know what it's when at this at this point, I do because the ulcer of colitis is it's not fully a remission, but I could I could fart with pride. Okay. And sometimes my wife will be like, did you fart? And I'm like, you know, you don't have to add. Like she'll go, you did fart. I go, it's the dog because I take pride in being able to make a fart

that doesn't, you know, end up with me shitting myself. Yeah, right. How dare you ask me. Right. So that's why you see this woman. She shamed her. Yeah. Like and I public shame her and I don't have your heart shaming.

Yeah, I'm far. You shat your pants, lady. And you're looking surprised in the camera. You look I don't like the look was. Yeah, she had the look of taking a dick pill. Have a what? Ever taken a dick pill? Oh, I think if you were taking a dick, though, I was like, what?

I haven't taken a dick pill ever. Never taken a dick pill. Would you ever try it? For what? Like I'm all fucked out. Like I think at a certain age, like you're all fucked out. I love this. What age do men get fucked out?

It's like, you know, like when you're young in your twenties, it's like you want to like, you know, you want to like, you know, you want to kill the pussy. Yeah, I'm like, and I don't know if girls at that age, the communication isn't like, maybe she doesn't know what you're like. You, you know, it's like you want to impress, right? Who's got time and energy? Like I just like, let's just get this.

Let's get it popping and let's continue watching Bravo. You know, like, you know, like, sport fucking and, you know, out of breath and, you know, I got back is too much. Like, you know, and the colitis and the colitis. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That must have put a damper on your love life. Sport fucking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Are you going to take dick pills? Is that why you brought that up? No, I just realized that there's a guy who found a shortcut. You don't have to take a dick pill. What do you take? Well, here, throw these on. Throw those cans on. What are you like, like some, like?

I've never taken. I've never taken. What's the point? I mean, they just want to be hard for hours, man. Rubber dicking. That's called rubber dick. Rubber dicking. Yeah.

I mean, listen. If you've had any kind of erectile disorder problems, I'm here to tell you, forget that bag or forget about salads. Forget about dick and plants and all that stuff. So I don't know if you believe me or not. But if you like to see me smoke some meth with a small limp dick, then get harder the other way. And watch it get harder and harder.

The more I smoke, the harder my dick gets. It's unbelievable. Your dick head becomes so sensitive that you don't need lube. You don't need spit. That breaking bad dick. Stroke that dick head this up and down a few times. Just barely do it. And you'll shoot an enormous amount of very thick,

thick, hot, white cum. Damn! Brother didn't believe me. But when he smoked with me, he put out his dick. I can't believe how big his dick was. He jacked off in four strokes. His brother did. And shot the most cum he'd ever shot in his life.

Him and his brother were weird. And he's fine. He has no neuropathy problems. Isn't that cool? That's dope. Yeah. You know what I feel like? Me and my brother?

Your brother? Yeah, I have a brother like that. Oh, you guys got to smoke, man. No. And how did they get, for sure, that would bring us closer. And maybe our sisters are chilling there, too. Why not? That'd be so cool.

And here's the thing. It's even better if you and your brother aren't close, because this could be the thing that pulls you together. Yeah, and I'm like, I didn't know that about you, Eric. Yeah. Professor Eric. Professor? Yeah, he's a professor.

So it'd be really good for his career. You might be like him and be like, I can't believe how big your dick is right now. Yes, Eric. Professor Eric. Like, goddamn. You're a real fucker, huh? Pretty cool.

Wow. Yeah. That's good. I just love watching you watch these. Yeah, yeah, that's the fun. I want to show her just you watch these clips, because I love your reaction. It's perfect.

Yeah, he had the right reaction. I'm like, look, it's so upset. I love that. It's the best. It's the best. You ever talk about your erections with your brother? No. Are you close with your siblings?

We're, you know. You grew up in Manhattan? In Manhattan. Yeah. And that would have been 70s, 80s, right? 70. I was born in 1970s, 70s. Oh, yeah.

You know, one through 10 in the 80s, you know. So you were in the Manhattan when people were like, I mean, you might not know this having, you were there. Everybody else was basically like, don't go. New York is a scary, scary place. Yes. That's how everybody, I mean, I was a kid. I was born in 79.

Where are you from? I was born in Cincinnati, but we moved in, I lived in the Midwest and then in South Florida. And you bring up New York and people would be like, well, yeah, you could, you have to go with like police protection in New York. That's how people talk about New York. You mean at the time, like I want, you know,

New York, Manhattan was like my playground. You know, like we didn't think that way. You know, the burrows, they're part of the burrows that were rougher, but Manhattan itself was, you know, we were out all hours of the night, you know, on our bikes and, and you know, what part of the city were you in? Right. East East, way East, like by the East River East. Okay.

And, you know, I was in taking a bus to school in the third grade by myself, public public. I mean, you would never do that shit. Never. But, you know, kids in Manhattan, you know, because it's such a walking city, like, you know, out here, you know, we're all freaked out with our kids. I'm the same way.

But, you know, like I'll see kids, 10, 11, they're on the fucking bus by themselves in New York. In New York now. And, you know, I think Manhattan is a safe place. I mean, obviously the world has changed, but I mean, the burrows were, were, were rough, were rougher. But Manhattan itself, I mean, obviously 40 deuce, Times Square was fucked up, but I didn't go there till I was a teenager by myself.

And, and, and like, I just, I don't know. I mean, shit happens. Like shit has happened, but I never thought of Manhattan is like that. I just never felt that way about Manhattan. Like Times Square at the time, you know, like the taxi driver images of that. But I wasn't there in 74. I wasn't like four years old.

Like, man, you know, yeah. So, yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't know. It was always like for us, it was, I think it was like kind of described as more like that. Yeah. Just like Sodom in the morning. Oh, the only reason, I mean, you're, I was a kid, the reason you're saying as a kid is because the adults are all saying that.

The adults are all like New York's terrifying plays. But not the New Yorkers. Of course not. We were comfortable with it. And then, you know, like it was a good way to grow up. I mean, I wish, you know, I wish I grew. I wish I raised my kids in New York. You did not?

Mostly out here. One of them is in school in New York, so he's getting sort of catching up to it. But I wish they had that freedom. Are your kids actors too? Not as not that I know of. Okay. I mean, they're sometimes at home.

They're fucking like, you know, Lawrence Olivier. But no, they're not. I don't know if they'll, I think they'll, they're in the arty world, you know, but, but I don't know. I mean, acting is like, you know, this business is not for the meek. You know, you can't as people, like I tell people like, you know, say, well, what are you for a young actor? Like, you better, there's no dipping your toe.

You better have to do it. It has to be something you have to do. There has to be a compulsion and a drive to do it. You can't go, I'm going to try acting. You're not going to make it. If you're just going to try stand up. Same as stand up. Try acting.

You have to go all in and it has to be something that you have a need to do and a need to express whatever that is. That's, that's my, and the tenacity to with, to withstand the highs and lows of a career is almost more important than the talent, you know, the tenacity to continue to recreate, to continue to go on. Of course. That is like the marathon of it.

Yeah. You have to have that tenacity. Like, you know, for me, I, I've always related it to sports. For me, it's always been, it's not so much anymore because I have more of a comfort with it. But like when I was younger, but still now, like in regards to comedy, like it's sports, it's like, I'm going to fucking kick ass. Like I have to fucking kick ass.

And like that conversation myself is in regards to like, it's like Mike Tyson walking into the ring. Like when I go into auditions, I don't have to audition so much now, but if I do, but certainly when I was younger, it's like, this is a fight. It's so silly because. Yeah, yeah. But that's what you told yourself.

Auditions has nothing to do with you. It, you know, you, you know, they might want a guy who's, you know, got blue eyes because the actress has got green eyes. They might want to, much might not be your fucking day. They might have a, but you know, as a young actor, you're like, I suck at all that shit. You don't know that. Yeah.

You know, you drive yourself fucking nuts with that shit. Dude, speaking of tenacity and things, you are going to be hitting the road now. That's right. So let's tell people where they can see you. Bridgeport, Connecticut. I'm hitting the hotspots first. Yeah, let's do it.

So Bridgeport, Connecticut, the stress factory next week, the 13th, 14th and 15th. I mean, ideally people, like when they say Valentine's Day, they go, we need to go see Michael Rappaport. In Bridgeport. Historically a thing. So 13th, 14th, 15th, the stress factory in Bridgeport. Then the next week, I'm going to be in Tampa at the Tampa improv, which you said is actually in Tampa.

That's an E-Board City, actually. It's E-Board City. Okay. 21st and 22nd. And then 29th in Chicago at the Vic Theater. That place is dope. Can't wait for that. I can't wait for that. All tickets, all information is available at MichaelRappaportComedy.com.

So I can't wait to go back out. I love doing it. I love doing stand up. I love the process of it. I love, I love it. I love the unpredictability of it. No, boy. I believe you.

Well, you're great for many reasons. You're very bright. You're very outspoken. You're very articulate. And you're fucking fired up. And that's good. Yeah. That's what I think it requires.

I think so too. Yeah. You know, and it's such a good time, as you guys know, for comedy, because there's so many different kinds of comedians. There's so many venues. There's such a, you know, there's so many fans of comedy. It's pretty fucking crazy. It's a great time.

I mean, you know, and you go international and doing it. I mean, it's wild. It's a wild time. This is a huge boom time for stand up. Huge. Huge boom. Yeah. So it's dope.

But I just, you know, treat it, you know, with a lot of respect and humility to the craft of it. And I dig it. I just, I love it. I love, I love it. I love when it goes good. I love it when it doesn't go good. I love the expression of it.

Yeah. Because for me, like, my goal as a comic is to make it as personal as possible. And I'm not there yet top to bottom, but that's my goal. You know, they give away specials so easily, right? Yeah. You know, like, for me, like, if you're going to do a special, it has to be actually special.

And like, you know, like comedy, you know, for me, like, it has to, like, for anything artistic for me, like, I always remind myself, if it's not personal, it can never be, if it's not personal, it'll never be original. Because that's all we have is our own personal shit. We could all do Trump's shit. We could all do, you know, topical shit. But at the end of the day, like, there has to be that moment of,

like, oh, this is a real, he's really talking about something that genuine to him. And you want to make it in a funny thing. But like that levity, you know, of like, this is genuine. That's my goal. But in that genuine specificity, that's the right word, specificity, is the universal. You know what I'm saying?

It's in that of like, oh, that's so detailed. That's what everybody is doing, too, with feeling. Yes, yes. That's harder to get to that little kernel of truth. Yeah, I agree. It's fun to get to, though. And, you know, it's a never-ending art form. Like, you look at, like, Dave Chappelle last year that sticks

in stones. They talk about a career of monumental fucking crowning jewels, and then he might have surpassed all his stand-up after doing years of stand-up. So that's inspiring, because you're like, you could just keep going. You could keep going. And if you look at, I always think about this,

like, as a comic, you know, you're always looking at, like, the class ahead of you, right? People that have been doing it longer than you. And then I get to this point now where I go, oh, I really think almost all the best comics are 50 or older. So then you go, like, man, that actually is inspiring. Right. Because you go, like, oh, they just kept getting better.

Right. As they age. It's not like they're like, oh, they aged out of it. They just, they kept getting better. Right. So that's a cool thing to look towards. You go, all these guys that are like, and girls that are the top of the game, almost all are 50 or older.

Joan Rivers, I saw her before she passed, was the best she's ever been. That bitch was saying crazy shit that nobody would say today. Think about all the different, the lanes of it, too. You're so funny. Like, if you think about, like, the different, like, the Joan was obviously fantastic. Now, you know, Burr, Chris Rock, Chappelle's almost 50.

You know, Rock's over 50. Yeah. Joe Rogan. Rogan, Pat Noswald. That's it. They're all fucking bastards. No one's, like, 28. Yeah.

And, like, killing. Yeah, awesome. If you're a comic and you put that in your head, you realize that if you keep working at it. That's the cool thing about it. And, like, you know, with acting so much of, for the majority of actors, you know, except for the elite of the elite,

like the Brad Pitt, Leonardo DiCaprio, like the Denzels, like the people we mentioned, you know, you're going to, like, how many cops, you know, you can keep casting me. I love playing cops, but it's like I play the fucking cops. That's so true. You play cops. You're always like, first responder is your lane.

A lot of dumb dads. And that's dope. And I knew you could continue to play with it. But the thing about comedy, it's like the landscape is just, you know, and you have so much control of what you want to articulate it. If you can do it, I don't think it's necessarily going to be funny. But the, but the palette of it is, like I said with Chappelle,

it's like he just fucking surpassed all his other shit. You know, and his other shit is we're talking about high level shit. So that's what I enjoy about the idea and the goal of it. Well, go watch Michael fucking achieve his goal. See him at Michael Robberport comedy.com for tickets. Listen to the podcast. I am rapper Port. Yep.

Luminary. There's the paywall. We try to have one Jewish guest a year. So I'm happy that you stopped by. I appreciate you saying you matched the quota so far. This is it. This is it. This is it.

And watch atypical on Netflix. Is it, do you know if it's coming back for a third season? You're asking the hard to that question. But I feel, I feel, I feel very, very, very, very, very optimistic. It's such a good show. Fucking deadline. Chill out, lady. I love it.

I'm into it right now. I don't like as of right now, I can't say. But I feel really optimistic because the fans have been so good. So it hasn't been. I have it. I can't. I don't know if it's coming back, but I feel very good about it. I hope so.

I feel like I've learned so much about autism. I had no idea. It really humanized the whole thing for me. I'm like, oh, and I'll say about atypical real quick is that I've done a lot of shit. The response from the fans of that show has been more on the side from, I mean, top to bottom ages all over the place has been, thank you. Not, oh, it's funny or that was dope. It's like so many people have thanked all of us for doing the show.

And that is not something you could plan or predict when you get a role in something. It's it sparked a resonated with an emotional core to the audience. And that's because it's really not even people go, I don't want to know. Maybe you don't want to watch because it's about autism. It's not. It's about loving your kids and having relationships. So yeah, it's a family.

It's ultimately this family that has its own unique set of problems and what family doesn't. Yeah, exactly. And it's so great to watch you then, you know, you learn stuff too along the way. Yeah. It's so great. It's such a great show. You know, I'm proud of it. So hopefully, hopefully, hopefully.

And see if you can go on the black market and try to get that episode of Louie. So you can watch that performance that I talked about. It's really fantastic. And there is. I just want to make sure you know this. Like you could search online because I feel like you like you were saying that you said the black market like to find like me shitting at running cannon. That doesn't exist.

Well, well, give it a shot. Yeah. Give it a shot. All loaves matter. I appreciate it. Michael Rapports. Thank you. Bye.

Bye. Appreciate it. Thank you. It's daily 24 seven or scratching daily. He want to catch a he want to catch a he want to catch a he think I don't care. He think I want to catch a there's nothing harder to be in the feet. We go through a hell of a lot of stuff. What do you think is the biggest challenge to women today?

I'm pussy fucking staying. I'm pussy is itch. I'm pussy staying. They have these huge words that go on them. I'm pussy like fish. I'm pussy is itch. I'm pussy staying. I'm pussy fucking staying.

I'm pussy like fish. I'm pussy fucking staying. I'm pussy is my fish. I'm pussy is fucking staying.