Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 541 - Moshe Kasher & Natasha Leggero & Creators of HBO's McMillions - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: March 5, 2020

We got a special one for you today, mommy! We start off with just the main mommies and we get through A LOT! The cool girl raving about NRE has a boyfriend who heard YMH talking about them, and turns out, he likes it a lot! Also, Tom has officially decided he's done with his wack Adidas phase, and is back on the Nike train! Then, Christina reveals a super hot dream she had about Tom. Do you dream about your significant other? We then find a cool guy who wishes he had a girlfriend who let him... do certain things. He likes that he likes that he liiiiiiikes THAT! And what better way to pay tribute to FedSmoker than to keep feathering videos from his very deep vault? This time he's hanging out with Native Americans! Then, we got Moshe Kasher and Natasha Leggero coming in to Studio Jeans! We Moshe loves to argue with people on the internet almost as much as he loves Burning Man! We run them through a BUNCH of cool guys, including a clip from Cobra Tate about how faithfulness is a one way street! So cool! We debut the next episode of Pissspots to Moshe and Natasha, and they're certain HBO will pick it up for a full run! Speaking of HBO, we have Brian Lazarte and James Lee Hernandez, the creators/directors of HBO's McMillions, joining us! The docuseries reveals how McDonald's Monopoly game was rigged for a LONG time by the mob. They tell us all about how they got involved in the project and what it's like to work with Mark Wah-Wah-Wahlburg. It also turns out that Brian is Tom's cousin, so they reminisce what it was like to grow up with each other.

F*** back down, I took two mil away, Rather eat or to stay, can't say anyway, With the freshest mousse and hand-cut fries, Get fat like Bert, call me Super Size. Are you bathing? Are you staying clean? Are you my girl? Do you really love me? Unleash. I know you really wanna kiss, but I'll hot in your face, Cause you smell like piss, Chuck Berry.

Don't confuse with Cool Terry. When Cool God Terry put a plug in his ass, Double-ended fucks leave, got him coming fast. Virginity is cool. Come on, come on. Virginity is cool. He's got it, he's got it. Virginity is cool.

What up, what up? Virginity is cool. He got it, he got it. Mind you, say sweet, The expiration date lied to me. F*** you, bitch, or call me back. Ain't no slut too busy for that. Got a hole out of love Got a hole out of love

Got a hole out of love Got a hole out of love Got a hole out of love On the cool God Club Got a hole out of love On the cool God Club Stand back, momma, coming at you fast Shit in your mouth, spit it back in your ass Red damn, grossest thing I ever heard Eatin' booty, poolside, mouth full of turd Oh yeah, he ain't lookin' like that Remind you one time, fuckin' bird is fast Spent $30,000 on his tattoos He ain't supposed to be from the back of shops at Whole Foods Weighs 30 bills, but he looks 210 Amazon package on his porch again

Name's Hot Rock, dick, got a 12-inch dick You should try it out if you can handle it Scat break Scat break Scat break Scat break Scat break Scat break Scat break

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Scat break Scat break Scat break It was a nice walk down memory lane seeing all these gentlemen that have touched our hearts and our genitals and made us feel sick inside. The cool thing is that there's no shortage of more of them. We have some for you today. They are here. They're really cool. It is so in the zeitgeist though isn't it? I mean exposing men's bad behavior. This is great. It is cool. We're doing a public service. It's really great. Oh man that really got me going. That was fun. I know. That was fun. I forgot about a man uses lung infection as instrument. Yeah. Which was Nadav's brilliant title on that clip. Stay in my life. Stay in my life.

That guy brought us so much joy. Oh wow. What a talent. And the spoons guy. I saw him clickety clacketing in it and it enraged me again. Just seeing him even in that brief moment I got angry that that's considered talent too. Yeah I know. It pissed me off. That guy I remember he's like. Oh God. People are in a fucking arena. Do it again. You know what it reminds me. Dr. Drew because he and I'm doing Dr. Drew after dark now with Dr. Drew. And he mentioned that you know the IQ how it runs the IQ score is that there's a mean meaning the middle right. Average IQ is 100. So right. So that means that half people are under that middle point and half or above. And when he said it to me like that I thought well first of all I'm pretty sure I know which half we're on. But yeah that the most people are under the average. Yeah. And that's why they're watching a guy hit their his body with you can figure it out if you talk to audience members. Show you start doing crowd work and then you start talking to somebody and you're like you're not really putting much together are you. No. I threw a premise at a guy. No. And he was like no that's not true. And I was like no I don't think you're following what I'm saying. And then I laid out for him.

I did like a whole bit to support the premise. Yeah. And at the end I was like now do you get it. He was like no I was like God damn it. Yeah. Well it's funny I was reflecting on that. And I think the reason one of the reasons you're so successful as a comedian because I'm kind of dumb. No. You're very funny. But you also lay out the information your premises are extremely clear and concise and you make a you're making a big deal out of that. Like you have you have to right. Well because half the population is under the average intelligence. I think of two people when when I think of like being clear with premises. One is now he's in prison but Bill Cosby. I looked up to the heavens. Yeah. The prison in the sky. He used to make that point that you got to you got to simplify things for audiences. And then who I think of the most is Chris Rock. Yes. Chris Rock is famous for repeating the premise. But second time Todd Todd Todd Todd Todd always repeat the premise and people would attribute it to being stylistic. But then you realize like especially if you do stand up you're like oh he's just making it clear. This is what we're going to tell jokes about. Yes.

You're minding the audience used to pay for shit that used to be free right to pay. And then you say the second time used to pay for shit that you pay for sure that used to be free. So now it's like it's in your head and then he's like bottled water. You know. Right. So it's like you repeat premises like he does. And are you really clarify them. And everybody goes this is what we're going to joke about. Right. Well we think about hearing new information for the first time. It does take a few times. And here's something to go. Oh that's what we're talking about. And if you try to dress up your premise. Forget it language. Forget it shows how sophisticated you are. You just lost half. And let me tell you you can't use big words. Not not those big words. You can't use words. For instance I had a joke with the word philanthropist in it. Oh yeah. Forget it. Forget about it. Philanthropy. Forget it. Yeah. Like done. Nobody knows what. Big words. Not those big words. Yeah. Well it's still that you can still say big words. You know. I don't say different words. Oh yeah. Wow. That's a different big word. That's a. Wow. And then any big words. Dude isn't he saying a lot. Any. Yeah. What do you mean. On your sound board. Oh. Oh sorry. I was like what are you talking about. Like any is walking around the office. You know what you want to know.

All day. Yeah. There he is. Yeah. He says it the most. Sure. Sure. Well it'd be funny if we had Nadav recording those. I mean I'll record words that I'm allowed to say for you. What are you allowed to say. I'm allowed to drop some hard K's. You know. Oh right. Some hard J's. Oh yeah. Hard J's. Sorry what's the J. He's the J. What's the hard J. Just saying you. Oh right. Right. Right. I'm allowed to say it aggressively. I don't think you are. No. It's kind of rude if you. Yeah. You were to like chastise him. Those G. D. J. W. S. Yeah. That'd be a lot. The K word is. What's the K word. What do you mean. What's the K word. What's the K word. Can someone tell me. Oh what the word. Also which one of these action here. I didn't know this. Should I mean. And he doesn't know lots of stuff. Really. What do you mean. You mean like up until when. Up until working here. Like he said the word and I I didn't know what I was like what is that supposed to be. And he's like it's a it's me. Slur. Right. It's me but bad. That is a great way to explain a racial slur to somebody. It's me but bad. I can tell my foreign relatives that about all about all the slurs. I'll be like it's him but bad. You never heard that before. No. No. I think that probably speaks well about the group of friends you've chosen. Well did you you grew up in L.A. though. No I grew up in South O. C. that's why there's no J. W. S. is in South O. C. OK.

A bunch of what's what's in the O. C. It's just a bunch of crack people and white people and Asian people. That's it. Did you hear Asian slurs. I heard a few of those. Yeah. Yeah. See that's OK. It makes sense. Which ones. Yeah which what's your favorite one. I can't recall top of my head but there's definitely some out there definitely some out there. Do you remember any of them. It's just it's not it's not coming to me. I'm going to have to refresh my memory. Is it a blur. It's a blur. Also which one of these dolls should I play with going Batman or Superman. OK. All right let's let's start the show. You ready. I'm ready. Many while we out here boy on the future highway boy. I swear to Lord boy this baby in about a liquor liquor full of baby doll. It's a baby out here in the middle of the road. I never seen like this. Who is Randy. Bring anyone loving to this.

Your mother in the fucking stand. Yeah. I might be one of my favorite opening clips ever. We found a baby out here man. But the part that really gets me is the spit. Yeah. That's the part I lost. During that. We got a baby. But he didn't really turn his head. No straight on spit like a llama. He didn't even. It's a baby out here in the middle of the road. I never seen no shit like this.

I mean he just had to spit. What are you going to do. He had to spit. It's important to make the video. It's a baby out here on everything in the middle of the road. In the middle of the fucking road. No pants on those shoes. No I'm going to die. I can't watch this clip. See that guy though. He's putting a sweatshirt on him. Yeah they're taking care of him. Did he just run out of his. He must have run out of his house nearby or something. Let's finish watching.

We done caught one time bruh. This baby in the middle of the future highway bruh. A whole white baby bruh. A whole white baby. No nothing on. And his parents still ain't showed up. Yeah. I mean the whole white baby not just part of him. That is so fucking fun. Can I tell you what makes me laugh is that my Indian stepdad used to talk and in the middle of talking he would like find a piece of food in his mouth and he would be like I think I'm going down.

Radio shack later and he would do the similar thing. Whole white baby bruh. A whole white baby. Dude he just spits like straight forward. Damn. He had to spit man. What are you going to do. Please tell me they found this white baby. We done caught one time bruh. This baby in the middle of the future highway bruh. Whole white baby bruh.

No nothing on. And his parents still ain't showed up. Yeah. Y'all to anybody know this baby bruh. Oh my god. This baby in the middle of the future bruh. No. Baby just outside here. I ain't never seen no shit like this one.

No. Cold as it is I hear my thumb had to give the baby the damn jacket. Baby out here late. Whole baby. Whole baby. He's tired. Of course. In the road. Please tell me.

One time pulling up right now. Holy pulling up right now. We been out here about 30 minutes. Ain't no parent been behind him or nothing. Baby just outside here. Oh. What's the that highway he keeps saying. Frugera highway.

This is like is this is this outside Atlanta. Is this like a. I mean it sounds like Atlanta accents to right. Like a Georgia slang. He been in a row. He was in a row man. We been out here about 30 minutes. Oh my god.

I can't handle. Oh my god. What are you doing. That's it. He's like I get my sweatshirt back. Yeah bitch. She's like and she's like wait she's like oh what do you do. She says what are you doing like he's eight.

Yeah you stupid baby's like. I would have lost my mind if my baby was gone for 30 minutes. No there you are like a cat. Oh there's Lester outside on the highway. My fucking 18 month old is out on the highway. This kid. This rascal. She's not even traumatized or upset.

I'd be out of my mind. Does it end there. I love it. Look at his wife. Excuse me. What are you even doing. Look at his wife. Excuse me.

That's it. Yeah that's my baby. Excuse me my baby is over here. That was disturbing. I know. That actually gives you like such a good feeling though about humanity. Of course. These guys are like young dudes rolling around and they see a baby and they spend their time taking care of a baby.

She didn't even thank them. No she was like. Here here thanks for the sweatshirt. There's my ball. Yeah like she just lost her soccer ball. We were looking all over for this thing. Remember we kicked it and then forgot which way we kicked it. I mean amazing.

And startling that that's a mother's response. To her baby on the highway in a stranger's hands with police there. You would have to fucking peel me off the wall. I'd be so nuts if I lost my child. And that I'd be like out of my head. I'd be hysterical. Oh my God. This checks on drugs.

Fucking white people are crazy. Do you remember your NRE? How can I forget NRE? Do we have the NRE or how do I find the original? The original is in that folder. It's going to be the top one. Oh the original post. I see a lot of TikToks and this particular one really haunted me.

Well everybody was talking about this. This is it. This was the TikTok that you curated. I mean I played it for Drew. It was on Instagram. People were commenting on it because it was on the episode. Everybody was weighing in on whether this was authentic or whether this was somebody who was pretending to be excited

just to give you a background. Here it is. All you people isn't just the most amazing feeling when your partner finds a new girlfriend or new partner. And you get to just soak up all that NRE and knowing that somebody loves your other half as much as you do and waking up, they're still asleep

and seeing their phone going off. Knowing that that's their new love. Descending the messages and waiting for them to get up in the morning. My husband found himself a girlfriend. It's one of our best friends and I am so incredibly happy. I can't share this on Facebook. For obvious reasons. I get to share it here.

Because I just can't hold it in. She's so amazing and they're so great together. I love seeing them holding hands. Me too. My Polly people. What's been your favorite thing? My eyes as a painful. Everybody.

This is the clip and this is what people were weighing in on. They were saying like, oh, I don't believe that it's sincere. Like this is made in a vindictive, sarcastic way. And then some people were saying, well, I mean, that was the opinion. I know I'm saying no. I don't agree with that. But then some people were saying like, you know, this is delusion. You can't possibly be this happy.

And some people were saying like, I guess this really is that NRE, that new relationship energy that she's speaking of in the Polly world. Well, it turns out her boyfriend or husband. I think she says, she says, um, husband. But in this title here, it says GF. So I don't know, whatever their Polly, you know, they're together. They're together. Apparently he got wind of us talking about this video.

And he made his own video. Oh my God, I can't wait to see it. Sue, one of my favorite things about being Polly is just watching people. Minds go boom. Recently, I just got a text message featuring my girlfriend at your mom's house. Oh, girlfriend. It's a YouTube channel and podcast. And she just blew their mind and they took everything they could from that video

and they try to dissect it to make it fit their narrative in their box. You know, saying she wasn't smiling right. She sounded like she was crying or her husband must be a jerk. I like his chain. The chain is cool. It feels Polly. There is a certain aesthetic to the male Polly person. Yeah, that's one of my favorite things about being Polly.

Walking down the street holding her hand while she's holding his hand, giving her a kiss and then watching him get her a kiss. And people just kind of looking blank. What just happened? Did he and he did not kill each other? So this is part two, mostly because I've been sending this video out to a lot of my friends and someone been texting me back being like, dude, this is not showing you guys in a very positive light.

You know, they're making friends, your girlfriend, her husband, putting, you know, this whole community down. And I'm like, dude, whether they're talking good about us or they're talking bad about us, they're still talking about us. He needs a tremendous beard. So to all those people out there who are afraid of the LBGT community and polygamory and things that don't necessarily fit your box, please keep talking about us. We love it.

I'm getting garth vibes. So to be clear, he said my girlfriend, her husband, blah, blah, blah. So this is not that girl's husband. Right. So maybe this is just one of her boyfriends. One of her boyfriends, that's right. It gets a little confusing figuring out who's committed to who. But I mean, just to be clear, this guy is not the husband that she is speaking of in her video that she's so thrilled for.

This is a separate guy, a boyfriend of hers. It gets confusing. That's what it's like to be poly. There's so many people. Yeah, which fedora goes on which guy's head? Who knows? This guy seems like a nice guy and he seems lovely. He's fine.

He's definitely, you know, he's I will say, though, it does feel a little adolescent that his favorite part is that people like tweak out on it. It's like when I was goth as a teenager, you know, when you're and you're like, why are people staring at me? You know why? Because you're dressed like a vampire in the middle of summer. You're dressed like a fucking asshole. Yeah, you're trying to get attention, negative attention.

And then you get mad at like people just pointing out the obvious thing that you're doing. You're poly. You're people to know. I need to be fucked a lot there. So I get it. I get it, man. It's very cool. No, he seems like a nice guy.

No, look, they are having fun. I think just to a couple of traditionalists like you and me, it's it's always interesting or other people's things. Let's be clear. Hey, they put it out there. We didn't steal this video from their private stash. It's not like we're the traditionalists that are. How about society is like what?

So he's right. He's right when he says that most people are like, what's going on? That's right. Ninety nine point nine nine nine percent of people are like, huh? Because they don't do that. Yeah, because it's it's really kind of. Yeah, it's kind of time consuming, you know, to go through all these partners. It feels like a lot of energy to expand, you know, new relationship energy.

Yeah, it is a lot. I just feel like a lot to juggle. I know to have a job and a child and children. You're like, ah, who am I fucking on Thursday? I kind of like to know who I'm fucking just forever. It's just nailing that part. Everybody has different preferences. I get it.

It's fine. I'm the kind that just likes consistency. Who's my husband today? Who's my baby daddy today? Who am I sleeping with tonight? You can change that. Right. But I prefer not to.

I'm kind of boring that way. I just like to know who's in my life. I guess that's where we differ. So let's. Are you dating somebody? Hold on. There's a big announcement we got to make and I've been holding on to this. Oh, I'm sorry.

I don't want to interrupt. I love this sound so much. It makes me laugh. So silly. For only the biggest announcements, do we reserve cat eating kill me? And this is going to blow some minds right now. I know it. It blew minds Saturday night and spoke and that was just in a room.

Yeah. And here are you ready? I'm ready. I. Okay. Am back. To getting Nike products. What?

I know. What? I know. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I thought we were a three stripe family only. I think I'm allowed to be just a regular citizen. What do you mean?

And like just like I always had been before just have, you know, products from both brands. I got into a totally delusional state of mind for the last couple of years. You said you didn't even know this. I didn't. I was not aware. So I'm aware of the bit that you did. Okay. So let's let's clarify what happened.

Okay. All right. Let's walk them through. Let's walk them through just to like set up the whole story. Sure. I do a bit at the end of disgraceful towards the end of disgraceful about talking to Nike about free shit. And then they basically were like, oh, I wanted to buy stuff at their store. And they told me I couldn't buy stuff at the store because I was a person of influence.

Oh, right. That was the term they used. Nike said you couldn't buy stuff at the employee store because the person of it. And I go, well, how do I get stuff like from you? And they're like, well, you have to go through the entertainment division. Like you get free shit. Oh, the free shit person was like not today, basically. Okay.

So I made it a joke, obviously, right? Right. You know, you you dress it up and you exaggerate certain points for the bit. And I put I did this. I did the bit in a special. And then, of course, I was like, fuck you Adidas. Anyway, then Adidas reached out and they gave me a bunch of shit. Right.

And they gave me a ton of shoes and clothes, which was really cool. And I appreciate it. And then, of course, I did the right thing and like not only wore it, but, you know, I would post it and everything. Anyways, then like the special comes out and people are constantly saying to me like, oh, yeah, Adidas, man, did it. And they, you know, they would just make reference. Like, I know you hate Nike.

And then I would be like, yeah, oh, yeah, I hate him. And, you know, people were feeding. They were feeding the fire kind of that narrative of like, you're with Adidas now. And I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then I was in Portland and Adidas Adidas rep said, you can come if you want to see the offices and I do that. And they give me another stack of shoes. So then it like re puts in them.

I'm like, that's that's right. I'm with you. Right. Your team Adidas now. Yeah. And then like my closet's getting full. I have to donate. So I just donate all my Nikes.

Then wait a minute. So you're saying that. So you have your Adidas stuff. I didn't. I wasn't aware that you went back and you were like, I am done with Nike. Oh, yeah. I'm donating all my Nike. Well, it wasn't.

It wasn't in one moment. That's the thing. It's like I'm even now I'm summarizing things. It's like a slow thing. Right. Then like guys would like they would give me shoes. You know, like people would be like, hey, I like that guy who most I forget his name. He painted a pair of shoes for me.

That's a different guy. But this guy just like paying. He goes, I know that you hate Nike. So I painted these for you. I was like, right. Oh, no. So it would just constantly drive that narrative in my head that like I'm on a deal. Like I don't have a contract.

You know what I mean? They just gave me some stuff, which was really nice. So anyways, I realized I slowly like one time I was at a hotel gym and I just had on a Nike like a workout shirt. And a guy was like, Hey, what are you doing wearing Nike? Shut up. He was like, I thought you were Adidas guys. Like I don't.

It's just like a t-shirt to work out in. And he was like, huh, that's what like you had disappointed him as a fan. Like they're not going to be upset about that. I'm like, what are you talking about? You're not the NBA. Yeah. So anyways, this I'm in Spokane. Thank you very much.

Everybody that came to the shows. I had a blast. It was really fun. The day before was in Tempe and thank you to those people doing the Spanish show. But we're in Spokane. We're killing time. Jeff Tate and I, and one, uh, we're just killing time early in the afternoon and we in the, we're in their mall and then it says like Nike store.

He goes, I want to check out the Nike store. So I'm just like rolling with him and we walk in the Nike store. And did you, but did you feel like was there a moment of like, I shouldn't go in there or you're kind of just Jeff's thing. So that's okay. Yeah. It's like, I'm, I'm going with Jeff. Like it'd be like if you were buying makeup, I'd be like, I guess that's what chicks do,

you know? So I walk in there. Jeff's buying new, new clothing items. First of all, I'm just happy he's buying new shoes or something. So we're in the Nike store and, uh, and I realized it's kind of like a factory. It's like a factory outlet kind of store. You know, it's not in Nike town. It's like one of those anyway.

So we're seeing, we're like, Oh, do you have Jordan's? He's like, do you have any Jordan's? And the guy says, uh, oh, we just got the retro threes yesterday. Like, and we have them in the back. They're not even out on the floor. He goes, do you want to see them? And I go, yeah. He goes, what size are you?

So he's asking me now. And I go, you know, 10 and a half. And he goes, okay. And he comes out. Yeah. That, that right there. So he comes out with them and he goes, Oh yeah, we have them in your size. And I just look at them and I go, I'll take them.

And I felt a rush inside. Wow. I felt almost guilty. And then I, I boxed them up and I took them back and I wore them to the show. And as soon as I walked out of the green room, like I'm waiting in the corner to get introduced, one of my friends was there with his wife and, and he goes, my wife says, what are you doing now? I was like, what the fuck?

This is right before I go on stage. Like, I haven't, no one's seen me yet. She's like, why are you wearing like everybody's looking for it? Isn't that funny? Isn't that hilarious? So anyways, I had to like really talk to myself and be like, it's okay. And then it's like when you have those breakthrough thoughts that you and I talk about all the time, like you can buy more than one phone charger.

Yes. Or you can towel dry yourself off completely when you get out of the shower or stuff like that. What's going to make, make you laugh. So I have that, that, that thought where you're talking about like, like, oh, I can do that. I'm allowed to do this. So I sit on the plane on the way out of Spokane and I start buying shoes. Like on the store, on the, on the, on their online store.

And I'm like, this feels good. This feels right. And I, I place my order and then I get home and I just, it's just funny. But like, read, read this sentence. Like this is the email I get. I used that was funny. It says, hi, Thomas, your recent Nike.com order has been canceled. They canceled it.

So I was like, oh, they're telling me you're not allowed to buy our stuff. So you felt, so you read that first line and you were like, they know, they know that I'm an Adidas guy. They know that I'm a fucking double agent. But it says we're unable to verify your billing information. So it's just cause we, yeah. So I had to call them this morning. Hilarious.

And they were like, yeah, um, we just have to like double check this. Hilarious. But that's not funny. It's like the universe being like, you can't have these Nikes after you allowed yourself the joy of having them. Yeah. Yeah. So anyways, I mean, yeah, I mean, it did bring me joy.

I'm having them on today. How do you feel? I feel great. Which ones do you have on the ones that he just had? Those are really cool shoes. Yeah. I got on my Brody. Brody is my friend.

I know it's the anniversary of his death. A couple of days. Yeah. I'm wearing those right now. Dude, those are really cool. I didn't realize how cool they were. I'm just really now getting into sneakers cause I don't wear heels. I buy cool sneakers instead.

I really do like those. Yeah. Those are great. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Now I feel like I'm allowed to have Nikes. I didn't realize there was a ban, but I'm so proud of you now.

There was a ban in the home. What else do you think you're, you're quietly like, cause we all do that where you block off parts of your brain. You don't allow things. Yeah. There are rules in your brain that don't make sense. Yeah. There are.

There are definitely rules in your brain. Right. Like these weird unconscious rules. I know. And you go like, then you realize that, oh, what? Like everything's fine. I know. I can do that thing.

I don't need permission. I can just do that thing. Yeah. So ridiculous. I feel ridiculous. Yeah. But now I feel much better, like having set it out loud and having bought a pair of shoes.

You feel like you're back in the groove of it. I do. I actually do. I feel much, much better. Like a new lease on life. And I, you know, I'm not leaning, I'm just, like I said, just buying whatever I want. Right. Yeah.

Like there's no. Yeah. Just live your life, bro. Yeah. I think I'm, what I'm about to tell you will make you pretty happy too. So the other day on Dr. Drew after dark, I brought up a dream that I had. I dreamt the other night that you had two dicks. Two?

Two dicks. Where were they? Well, that's the thing. So I had one of your penis in my mouth and one of your penis in my, my meow. But I don't know where they, I don't know where on your body they came from. Was one on my forehead? Must have been. I think we were at 69 because remember I was asking you what your closer was.

Yeah. And you're like, Oh, 69. Yeah. So maybe in the dream we were 69. Yeah. And you had like a childo or something, a chin dildo, a chin dick. What do you think that means? Would you try the childo?

Yeah. I don't care. You want to order one? Let's do it. Yeah. Can you pull up a childo? Yeah. They look cool.

I think a childo looks cool. Dude, I would definitely. There it is. Which one should I get? Is that the most embarrassing thing? Well, I liked that they modeled it on a mannequin as opposed to a person on the first two. Like have a person on it. Not him.

Look at that guy. That's awesome. Yeah. We're a childo. And what? What? Wait. Would you try that?

I mean, I guess. Yeah. Sure. I'd try it. I feel like this. It's vaginal. It's fun. This right here.

Yeah. It's going to. It's just going to be a lot of. Yeah. A lot of neck work. That's true. You know what I mean? Wait.

Because you're going to want to just put it in there and do your thing and then you're going to be like, Hey, how about some neck? And you're like, All right. Like that's a really good point. And then how will I have to be on the edge of the bed so that you can be on your knees? Because you can't. We can't both be laying. Well, you could.

But I think the edge of the bed is better. That part's fine. Are we 69? And you can use the childo. You could. But no, your neck won't go. Sorry. You're going to have to do some post.

A post blur. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. The post blur.

Oh. Oh, that's how you use the childo. Before I forget, do me a favor, pull up my YouTube channel so I can just lay this out clearly before I'm going to totally forget to do this. You guys, everybody has asked me about this. We have been doing Spanish episodes and people in the first episodes were like, we're the subtitles. So episode five, the one with my mom, we did a whole episode together.

The subtitles are burned into the video, right? You see the English subtitles. A lot of people complained about the font and the spacing and the lettering. We heard you. So for episodes, is it three and four? Right now it's just four. We're working on three. Okay.

So for four, you put it in the closed captioning. So if you want to watch that episode and actually see the English subtitles, you just turn the closed captioning on and we will be doing that moving forward. Where are we doing it moving forward? So we're attaching it to episode three. Yeah. So wait, in three though, is it going to be in closed captioning? Yeah, it's going to be in closed captioning.

So if you want to see, if you're watching on YouTube right now, just to the bottom right corner of your screen, you'll see a CC button. With that hit English and then you'll have English subtitles. Okay. Like that. Great. Great, great, great. Well, a lot of people asked me about it and they said they love watching and listening

to Spanish and reading it in English. Yeah. And then moving forward to all episodes, we'll have them. We'll have that with the option to turn on closed captioning. To turn it on. Because I saw that some native Spanish speakers were complaining like, hey, this shit's just for us. Got you.

Okay. Can I go back to my two dick dream? Yeah, please. So how do you feel like it's an honor that A, I have sexual dreams about you. Yes. And B, that like not only are you so virile, you have one penis, but you have two dicks. I'm fat. I would love to hear a dream interpretation of it.

I'll talk to my shrink about it this week. But don't you see, like I don't even have dreams about other men. Like I have never had a sexual intercourse dream with another person. That's crazy. Always you. That's not Polly at all. That's so different. Well, it's not Polly.

No. But how does it? Don't you feel like you're an extra man because? I do. I really appreciate it. I actually feel, it makes me feel good that you have those types of dreams. Two dicks. Right.

Yep. I kind of wish you'd thank me for that. Thank you. I appreciate that very much. You're laying on your back. You got me in your mouth. You got me in, you know. Yeah.

No, nothing, nothing but related. No. No. Just, just a vaginal. No anal. No. I don't like butt stuffs. I know that baby.

Yeah. I'm not into butt stuffs. No, no. It's pretty cool though. Do you ever have sexual dreams about me? Yeah. When? When I'm sleeping.

When's the last, when's the last one? You know it. I meant when's the last one? A couple weeks ago. Really? Yeah. What was I doing? Taking it.

Just taking it? Yeah. Missionary? Kind of, yeah. Drill dog, yeah. Drill dog? Like pile driver? No, I wasn't a pile driver.

I don't dream in pile driver. I usually dream in like a doggy and like, you know what it was? It was that, it's that you were, it was, it was like there was people outside the room. That's what it was. For children? No, no, no. Like we were somewhere like in someone else's house. Oh.

And I bent you over a table, you know. I wish you would tell me about these dreams when you have them. I kept it to myself. Yeah. Can you share? All right. I like knowing. And it was fast.

The drill dog. Yeah. Yeah, because it was like there's going to be people. Gotcha. You were in a hurry and did you begot? Did you finish? And did you blow load in real life? Did you have a wet dream?

No. No, you have to be really, really, really backed up to have a wet dream as an adult. Is that right? Yeah. As a 40-something-year-old dude? Oh my God. Your tank has to be just. Really crazy as a grown-up.

Crazy as a grown-up. I'm not going to release this ever. When's the last time you released in your sleep? Uh-oh. I can't remember. Adolescence? No. Nadop?

I feel like I had an adult wet dream once. I think I had an adult wet dream once, like in my 20s. But most of the time you just have so much and you dump in your clip all the time. Can I ask you, how old am I? Am I 43 or 44? I can't remember. How old are you? The other day I'm like, am I 44 or 43?

Tom, how old are you? I'm 40, babe. So I'm 43. The other day I was like, I cannot remember for the life of me. And then I didn't want to do the math of going like, hey, 1976, 2020 minus 1976. I can't even do that math. And then I was like, just forget it. I fell asleep.

I was like. But do you ever just like, when you're in bed and you think those thoughts, you're like, it's too much effort. I don't want. I don't even care. That'd be so retarded. Yes. I remember.

I'm like, I'll just ask Tom. You are 43. I'm 43. Okay. Good. Thank God. Yeah. I got something cool AF to show you.

Yeah. Are you ready? I'm ready. All right. This guy is awesome. Where is he? Best friend. Here we go.

Sorry. Here we go. Here we go. This is a message for all the ladies out there. My fifth video of the day. I want to go down on you. My last girlfriend was so self-conscious, she didn't really go down on her brain. My first girls, I've been with the first two, loved it, the third one.

I did it for some reason. I don't get it, man. I don't get it. I miss that. I miss that. I miss that. The Cool Guy Club. That was pretty awesome, huh?

It's cool that he's on the gun range and he had to stop shooting his gun to make that video. Yep. It's my fifth video of the day. I want to go down on you. He has what some might describe as manic energy. I miss that. I miss that.

I miss that. I miss that. I'm shooting. I'm making five videos a day. I love Miss Eating Pussy. It's a full day. Stacked calendar. That's a lot.

Definitely a lot. Fifth video of the day. My fifth video of the day. Okay. Woo. All right. Yep. Really cool.

Message for all the ladies out there. You think he'd take the headphones off to make the video just don't look normal? Some guns are about to go off. He's just protecting his ears. Yeah. I'm trying to. Sorry. Yeah.

So stupid. I don't even realize. Message for all the ladies out there. My fifth video of the day. I don't know. Thanks. I want to go down on you. My last girlfriend was so self-conscious.

She didn't really go down on her brain. My first girl, I've been with the first two, loved it. The third one. I did it for some reason. I don't get it, man. Wait, hold on. I don't get it. I miss that.

I miss that. I miss that. I miss that. First of all, it's not this. It's this. Stupid. So if you're going to do it. But he had her on her side a lot.

He was like. Dipped shit. You know. What? He had her on her side a lot. He put her on her side. Look at you guys. You're like, yeah, boy.

That's so dumb. It's so true. He was looking pussy from the side. Oh my God. That's how I'm going to start doing it. Stop it. Stop it with your beef tongue. Jesus Christ.

I miss that. I miss that. I miss that. You guys are horny. We needed. We need the drop of creation saying you guys are horny. Yeah. Yeah.

Very cool. This is terrible, Tom. God rest his soul in heaven. Fed smoker keeps getting tributes. And one of the things that also keeps happening is that people are rediscovering some of his not as well-known material today. We have him at a Native American gathering. There is a dance and song going on.

And as a historical fan and a fan of different cultures, common was there to pay. He was very respectful. That's really cool. That is so funny. The lady to our right looks over at one before and she's like, that's not what to do. Hold on. He looks different. There's no hair.

There's no head hair. And I'm seeing there may not be eyebrows. Yeah. He may have been feathering that day. Feathering his brows off. Super feathery day. Different dog. It's a puppy.

Isn't that a different dog? Yeah. That is a different dog. He had like a German Shepherd. He has the turnover we were talking about. Had one dog this day, another dog the next day. Oh boy. You don't need the same dog every day.

Yeah. They kicked him out. Yeah. Saying the dog pissed on the floor and he needs to leave. Oh, that's what got him kicked out? I'm sure they were like, hey, how do we get him out? And then they're like, just say the dog pissed on the floor. Where was he when we were New Year's Eve?

Remember at the... And there's a smile, by the way. He's like... He loves it. Where was this guy? New Year's Eve and we were watching the dancers, the aloha dancers. Oh, yeah. And the guy with the tits was doing his dancing.

Yeah. Wouldn't you wish he was there in the audience? Fat smoker? Just terrorizing them. Just ruining stuff. I love it. Just respecting them and then somebody had to come over and be like, hey man. That makes me laugh.

That makes me laugh. Your dog just peed. We need you to leave. Your dog peed. He's like, I'm Native American. All right. I'm going to be in Las Vegas, March 6 and 7 at the Mirage Hotel and Casino. Very excited about that.

And then I will also be April 18 Valley Center, Harris Resort in Southern California. I then go to do Spanish shows in Dallas, Houston, Austin and San Antonio. Oh, we're adding actually a Spanish show here. Let me tell you about it. I'm doing one in the belly room. In the belly room in Los Angeles here. March 12. March 12.

If you want to go to the Spanish show, March 12 in the belly room. In May, I'm back at the Mirage May 29th and 30th. And then I go to West Palm Beach in Florida, 56 Spanish show, the 7th in Miami. Back to the Mirage July 17 and 18. I'm doing the Borgata in Atlantic City, August 15th. And then the Mirage again in October the 23rd and 24th. All tickets at tomcigura.com slash tour. And I'm adding a bunch of dates soon to be announced.

Very excited to be coming out to a bunch of cool places. Jean, where are you going to be? So the early show, The Ice House is sold out in Pasadena. There's still some tickets available on the late show, March 7th in Pasadena. I go to Miami and then Addison and Prop. That's actually Dallas. Caroline's Comedy Club in Jewdork titties, April 3rd and 4th. The Funny Bone in Des Moines.

New Westminster, British Columbia at the House of Comedy. Phoenix, Arizona, Cleveland, Ohio and San Antonio, Tejas. Ticket links at Christina P. Online. Follow me on the Grom at the Christina P. And check out where my mom's at. I do a podcast of mom stuff and it's actually, I think, pretty fun. And I talk to these clowns in the booth, Native and Annie and Chris. And we talk about all kinds of mom related stuff.

There you go. Check out my Netflix specials. You know what I'm saying? Great. What was the other? You know what I'm saying? This is a Chevy Suburban. You know what I'm saying?

I got a 2001 Chevrolet Suburban. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? That's one of my favorites. Say it again. I got a 2001 Chevrolet Suburban. You know what I'm saying? I'm putting it off in my city.

All right. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, you know what I'm saying? All right. So coming up here in just a moment, we will have another comedy couple. Mosha Kasher and Natasha Ligero. We will be back in a moment. Bye, Gene.

But they say coronavirus is from eating a bat. Are you kidding? Who ate a bat? The Chinese people, they ate everything. They're just not like us. The Chinese eat everything. They do like everything. They do eat everything.

You guys ready to get going? Oh, that's not going to get on there. That should be the opener. I thought it should be, too. You got the title of your episode. No, we were rolling. We were rolling? Yeah, just keep going.

Well, now I'm thoroughly panicked. I'm sorry. I figured we could talk about it. Let's make it clear that our guests today are married comedy news team. Mosha Kasher and Natasha Ligero. Let me ask you guys something. Are you guys just cracking each other up all day? Oh, it's endless comedy.

Yes. What about you guys? You must be doing it, too. I've never been asked this. It's so fun. Wait, who's funnier? Wait, now if he says something funny and then you, who owns it? I mean, no comment on the who's funnier.

I don't want to get myself in trouble. I would actually say comedians who you're married to who are funny in normal life are usually more annoying in fights. In fights. Yeah, like if you're fighting with a comedian, they're like way more annoying than fighting with just like a regular person who's not funny. Well, their skill sets so much higher. Yeah, so it's like.

Yeah, because a comedian has battled with audiences. You know, for decades and then you're going to argue with them. Yeah. I put them on YouTube. I put our fights on YouTube. A comedian takes down an uptight bitch. Moshe likes arguing so much. He joined a Facebook group just for arguing like different points.

Oh my God. I love that. No, that's it's specific. And I think you'll come to my side of things. I stopped arguing with random people on the internet when something happened where something changed in the last four years where people stopped going like, you suck. You're not funny too.

I know that you live in Silver Lake. And I was like, okay, you know, you win. I think you win this. Maybe you can cut that out. No, it's a neighborhood. Nobody looking at me doesn't know I live in Silver Lake anyway. That's true. So at that moment, I stopped fighting with people on the internet

and I still have that instinct in me where I want to fight. So I joined a Facebook group specifically to excise that part of. Do you really? Do you get into like, you get to type out your argument? What are you arguing about? Like Trump 2020. Wait, wait, wait. First can I just say I always know when Moshe is in the middle of an argument

because we start getting into fights about how much he's on his phone. So he just all of a sudden is like whomp and like furiously texting with someone and then I'll be like, what's the fight about? He's like, why are you saying that? I bet he's tough. Anyway, look at the look of his face right now. He went there. He saw that.

I bet you suck to argue with him. He does so bad. I'm not a fun person to argue with, but Natasha is not cool about it. She'll pretend to be interested. She'll be like, oh, something going on online? What's going on online? And it's bullying. She knows that I'm in a panic state.

I'm 100% with you. Yeah, I know. Because she does the same type of shit. Yeah. I'm like, oh, are you really interested? Well, because he'll watch. What he likes to do in the morning is watch videos of people screaming. Oh, you watch it too?

World star? Sure. All day, every day. I guess. I go email, Facebook, CNN, World Star. That's how you get a feed? Yeah. Those are my opening stanzas of the day to figure out what's going on in the world.

I know. And your kid is like going to sleep with like, you know, someone like yelling at a Walmart, like having a mental breakdown. Right. Or it's at the breakfast, it's in the morning, first thing in the morning. I'm like, what are you watching, babe? What enlightening program? See, it's that tone.

And then it bleeds. I know exactly. That's a very shitty tone to give. And then I get chastised because the doorbell rings and I go, fuck. And she's like, what's the problem? Yeah, what do you agree about? Well, the doorbell just interrupted what I was doing. And that's why I got upset.

And that's why I said, fuck. And she goes, now you're going to program our child to think that doorbell ringing means you got to get really upset. Say fuck. And it has happened now. Our son screams, fuck, every time the doorbell rings. Our kid was in the tub the other day. She's two.

And she goes, she looks at me. Fuck, I'm tired. I was like, neither of these came from you. No way you're tired. Fuck, I'm tired. Our kid says it. What did he say? He says, oh, the other day.

Oh, he goes. I was like, where the fucking wipes? He goes, he goes, oh, you got to do. He's four, right? He goes, you go like this, you fuck it up. And then you go like that. I go, where did you get that from? He goes, no, you just do it.

You go fuck it up like that. And then you go like that. All right, man. Fuck it up. She also came up to me the other day with a stick of deodorant. And she goes, you need it, Dada. Oh, shit. Yeah, roasting.

That's hilarious. Are you smelly? Well, that day I was. Yeah, she was actually right that day. Are you hairy? I am hairy. He's very hairy. I'm very hairy.

Because Natasha's not smelly at all. You didn't see the famous Moshe cashier arms? Yeah, I got quite. I feel like a hab. They're really intense. Where's my camera? I didn't see any. I never even noticed that was hairy.

But every time I post a picture of you online, there's like all these people like. Cheaming you. Who let the wolf out? Haha. I know you live in silver. Like, bitch, get ready to get murdered. So, hey, did you used to go deep on the arguments?

Oh, yeah, I thought there was some part of me. And I know that it was fake. I know that it was my ego that thought it was a part of my comedy brand that people enjoyed watching me like really get into it with people. And in reality, it was just me trying to continue a fight with it. But I would go. I would like to try to really infuriate strangers. I think there's a case to be made, though, for what your thought was.

You think so? Yeah. I mean, like, here's the thing. As an observer, if I were observing you engaging someone in a back and forth, I mean, that could be entertaining. It would be fun. Yeah, you're pretty quick with stuff. Yeah.

But then you see some people online fighting and you're like, Yes. You're too good for this. Why are you? Exactly. Why are you bothered? If you get too emotional or too worked up about it, then you go like, you know, it's a fine line of being able to do the argument.

And also the internet is endless. You can never really win. Never. And what are you going to do, Paul? Can I tell you the best thing I ever saw you do, Natasha? Yes. You were hosting a New Year's Eve thing. Oh, was it on NBC?

Yeah. And you made a joke about old people. It was like a very harmless joke. Yeah, it was like they couldn't chew the spaghetti. Veterans, veterans gumming their spaghettios. Yeah. Purple heart recipients specifically. Yeah.

Right. And of course the fake outrage came and blah, blah, blah. And I remember you were like, I don't apologize for jokes. But that was a different time. Suck it. No, but that's... Now I think we apologize. Oh, really?

Oh, never mind. People do all the time now. Yeah. I always think about you. I thought that was so admirable. Oh, but you do now. Oh, but wait, but the thing that's important to mention about Mosha's argument group is these are very hard arguments.

One of the things he told me, it's like someone will pose a question. If you're trans, are you obligated to tell a person before you kiss them on a first date? And then you're arguing with trans people and you're arguing with other straight guys. It was an interesting query. It was like, actually the question was if you hooked up with a person, you went on a date with a person and they were trans, but you couldn't tell. They were so passing that you had no idea. Are they morally obligated to let you know before things become physical?

What do you guys think? See, it's like a really hard one. It's tough. Yeah. Because I feel like there's the right answer and then there's the truth. Right. Wait, which one's which? No, you're 100% right.

I feel like you mean the politically correct answer. Yes, the political answer is like, no one is obligated. Everyone's just people and if it was passable to you, then where is there any objection? I think the reality is that most people would want to know. Would want to know. And I think that because of that, I think it is kind of the right thing to do. Otherwise, there's a strong case to be made that somebody's misrepresenting themselves. But then they would say, their counterargument would be, how are they misrepresenting themselves?

If they're saying I'm a woman and they are so convincingly transitioned that you don't know that they're a woman, what do they need to represent to you? But they haven't always been a woman. There was a change. But what if you used to be like... A Republican or a Democrat or whatever. Right, right. You're not obligated to make that...

Or obese. Okay, here's why. Because those things... Like you. Like Natasha. But morally. But because those things... There's a strong filter on her camera.

But those things don't have an effect on other people. That's why. You have to think about the other... But how does it have an effect on someone else? If you're a trans... Yeah, if you were once a man and now you're a woman, maybe I am transphobic. I'm not interested. I don't want to do it.

I feel weird about it. I'm not evolved. Sorry. This is the kind of argument. There you go. So I'm not making either of these arguments. Let me just counter your argument. I'll go ahead and counter your argument.

So what if you're a racist and I'm an eighth black but you can't tell? Am I obligated to tell you that I'm an eighth black? Did Tom tell you that he's Latino before you guys hooked up? I kind of knew from his dirty last name. I'm just saying if I hooked up with somebody and they let me know that they were Latino, I would be like, thank you. I'm a strong racist and I'm not trying to go there. I didn't know and I really appreciate that.

This conversation is definitely over. I kind of actually want to go back to your hypothetical. I wonder how a racist feels about an eighth black person. I agree. Because I feel like even a really racist person would be like, that's not that much. It's not that much black. See, it's different. What you're saying is that's an eighth iteration of something.

However, if you say I was black last week and then I converted to white, that's different. How about just a Jew? How about just a Jew? Right. Are you obligated to tell someone? Yeah. A skinhead that you're hooking up with that you're at? Yeah.

Hilarious. Well, you wear that around your neck and it lets people know. I'm a tribe. Right. All the Nazis I fuck, they know. Right, they know. They're fucking you. When they enter me, they know who they're entering.

I can't even see your neck. It's like the Jewish version of the Italian stallion thing that my dad wears. You know, like the Italians wear that little like, it looks like a sperm almost. What is that? Oh yeah, what is the sperm? It's like a stallion. Because Italian men love to have jizz on their chest. You guys know that, right?

I saw, wait, I saw your dad one time. I saw your dad in a Facebook. Johnny Legs? Johnny Legs in a Facebook. Moshe says he has more pinky rings than he has pinkies. He's about as Italian as it gets. They came to visit and I opened the drawer and I was like, there was like fresh mozzarella, prosciutto, salami, and I was like, fuck the Italian's are in town.

Like, you know, there's a porcini. Like those like, they're like buying like appetizers. That's awesome. Do you like Italian food or no? Of course. It's just too unhealthy what they eat. Like cheese blocks and roast beef and au jus and like. Oh yeah.

I love that stuff. And so did you take up a position in that argument? Yeah. What did you, what did you argue? I feel like you have probably had a strong opinion. You don't want to say? We'll be right back. Can I say we'll be right back?

Am I allowed to do that on your show? Sure. Also, it's private, right? That's another thing about like apologizing and all that. No, but that's just interesting. I think what I argued, the argument I was making was kind of similar to what Christina was saying, was like, what if my orientation? Because I mean, the cool thing about this argument group that I really like about it

is you're not allowed to use sarcasm. So it takes away my biggest weapon immediately, right? Oh, they say these are the rules. There's rules. There's rules of engagement. You're not allowed to name call. You're not allowed to use sarcasm. You're not allowed to say, well, you're okay.

Well, you're a woman. So you would think that you're, you know, Right. Insulting. Putting you into a group that says you can't have a reasonable argument because of who you are. It really becomes like an exercise in how to effectively argue. That's exactly right.

I'm a way better arguer now than I was when I was. That's actually very interesting. The thing I don't, but the thing I don't love about it is I always ask Moshe, how many times do people, like when he's in a heated debate with someone, they never seem to change their mind. That is true. And I'm like, everyone's just on there stating their opinion. Every time I've ever changed my mind and opinion, it's been in person.

Oh, is that right? That's really interesting. Every time I've somebody's, I've said something like bullheaded and like, and then I've talked to somebody and at the end of, I can recall a number of times of that happening. That's really interesting. What, like what? That's an example of something that. Like Black should ride the bus with us.

I'm just like, I'm trying to think of the most recent time. I mean, like there's just, I can think of just being in arguments with Christina, you know, like. Yeah, we're pretty. But like having disagreements and then like, you know, being like very emotional about it. Right. Like a heated argument.

And then after calming down being like, no, I actually see that you make like, I see your saying, I didn't see it before. Blah, blah, blah. I feel like it's a, maybe a male thing that we need to like go away and go like right now. How dare you gender this conversation? No, I just think that men use logic and women use emotion and men use intelligence and women use like their long hair.

They're voodoo? Yeah. I hundred percent was with you. How dare you? Oh, yeah. Long hair. That makes sense. I think I want.

Yeah. That's interesting. And does anyone change their mind about anything? I, yeah. In the written word, it's like, I don't know. There's this thing too. That the only, usually the only way you convince somebody to change a position is you, they have to feel like you're not attacking, critiquing, diminishing them.

Right. All. So you almost have to like support their right to feel this way. And it's like a, there's like a savviness to convincing someone to change their position. You know what I'm saying? I also find you saying, you'll change your mind in person. The other way that I change my mind is over time. Yeah.

Right. That's most, most of the time. Experiences will change your mind. Yeah. Exactly. Most of the time when I change my position on something that I was strongly held, it takes sometimes even years. Like I'll have a, I know in college I was like extremely reactionary pro-Israel on every

argument always. That was my default positioning. It took me 10 years to have a more nuanced view of that conflict. Right. In fact, I realized, oh, I was just, I had built myself into an ideological corner. I was a person that defended Israel and without looking, I would always look at every argument angling towards the one that was the most sensitive and the most forgiving of the Israeli position.

And now I have a much more nuanced view on it. And the truth is there's probably, the truth lies in, we're all right. You know, that's what's so great when you do like a point counterpoint and listen to like two different sides of the story. Like everyone has great points. Like we just saw what the constitution means to me. And at the end, the lead of the play debates with an actual high school debater on the debate team, if the constitution should be abolished.

And you see both sides and it's, it's, you know, it's restructured and don't you think like... Right. The argument was, should the constitution be thrown out and rebuilt because it's an archaic document that no longer applies to our contemporary life? Or should we take this document and build on it? What's the more powerful thing? Take the document and update it to be modern or throw it out and start over.

Oh boy. But then there's also like... But you need to hear all the information. Yeah. There's too much to even... I mean, even like, I mean, I think that the way, the more probable thing to do in something like that would be take the existing one, right? Because...

That's what I ended up thinking after I heard all the information because it just seems not so chaotic. You know, at least there's like some, some format that's already... Most societal norms change and they have so quickly in the last 50 years even. Yeah. Like, so if you change it based on today's standards, it's an infinite changing system. We'd always constantly have to be updating, right? Oh, you'd always have to throw it out every year.

Every year, yeah. That was what I came to was that, and it was that the, the fact that I don't actually have any feeling of like, when I think of the constitution, I'm not like, those are forefathers. I can give a fuck about stupid idiots. Yeah, I don't give a shit. But it totally excludes women. The constitution excludes women. Of course.

Of course. I give a fuck about these like, pantalooned morons who threw tea into the bay. People who are devout constitutionists. But the fact that that exists, the people in this country think, oh, it's got a, it's got a... It's meaningful because... It's got power. That means you should keep it because anything you throw out and replace it with, people

think everyone will be like me and be like, who gives a fuck about this? Throw it out again. That's right. Let's start over. Right. It takes a, it takes like a real... Too nuanced. What is the like...

Oh yeah, you guys got some videos you want to show us? Well, actually, yes. I mean, first of all, are you guys into that NRE? Are you Polly? Are we Polly? Yeah. I am and she's not. That's a bit of an issue.

I mean, the whole argument of women having, like having open relationships after they have children is funny and absurd. Crazy dude. It's like, oh, you're breastfeeding at the singles bar, like trying to meet new people. Just do it. It's so different for a man and it just feels so obviously sexist to me. Do you feel... Oh, it's obvious.

Especially when you know Mosh is seeing someone new and the texts are coming in and you're just like, oh my God, he is... Oh yeah. It makes me cry. I already know what... I know what you're queuing up, by the way. I've seen it and I love it. Isn't it just the most amazing feeling when your partner finds a new girlfriend, a new

partner and you get to just soak up all that NRE and knowing that somebody loves your other half as much as you do and waking up, they're still asleep and seeing their phone going off. There's like a lullaby playing. That's their new love. It's for kids. Just sending the messages and waiting for them to get up in the morning. My husband found himself a girlfriend.

It's one of our best friends and I'm so incredibly happy. I can't share this on Facebook. I get to share it here because I just can't hold it in. She's still amazing and they're so great together. Let's check back in two weeks. My Polly people, what's been your favorite thing? You know what this reminds me of when I was 12 years old and in rehab and I was trying to be a gangster but I would be in therapy and the therapist would get me and be talking

about my mom and I would be trying... You're like, I'm so in love with my mom. I would be trying not to cry but also trying to be a gangster at the same time. You know, things about me and my mom. The whole time she felt like she was like, if you just poked her in the belly, she would have just started weeping openly. The first time I saw this, I did not hear one of my best friends. That's to me where it's like, okay, let's check back in a week.

See how you guys are all faring. You're all still BFFs. One of her boyfriends pointed out and I'll let you guess what he looks like in a good-looking guy. What do you think the common denominator is between that kind of a guy? If there was a certain accessory one would wear. Is it the eyebrow ring? Gages in the ears.

These are excellent. Excellent. But it is, of course, a fedora. One of my favorite things about being Pauly is just watching people minds go, boom. Recently, I just got a text message featuring my girlfriend at your mom's house. Okay. YouTube channel and podcast and she just blew their minds. They took everything they could from that video and they try to dissect it to make it

fit their narrative and their box. You know, saying she wasn't smiling right. She sounded like she was crying or her husband must be a jerk. You know, okay. I have a thought on this. You wrote this story, right, Christina? I put this on line. Oh, that's how I saw it was for you.

That's right. I like to take credit. I curate these TikToks with great care. How many hours on TikTok do you have to spend to get a gem like that? Thank you for asking. I hear the audio only all day and all fucking. Oh, how dare you, Christina? No, no, no, no, no, no.

Yes. You were lambasting my man Tom for watching like swill in the morning. The content wasn't up to your standards and this is what you're looking at all day. She has headphones on. This is called making it rain, bitches. This is your mom's house content. I'm doing the Lord's work and I curate. So actually, it doesn't take hours.

I've made my feed so efficient. I like only the craziest shit. So now my feed knows that I only like the algorithm picks up in sand. So you just found a silhouette of a fedora first five crazy shit pops up. Yeah. Okay, I have a thought. I have a thought on this. So curious.

There's a big conversation right now about Bernie Bros. Right. And the and the Bernie Sanders has a toxic supporters. Right. Yes. And the problem with that argument is that it's only the loudest people of any scene that make you think that's what the scene is. It's the same thing.

I go to Burning Man and have for 20 years. I know. I've seen your Instagram posts. I think when you think of Burning Man person, pretty much somebody like this. And that's because the people that are the loudest about Burning Man are the people that are the most nerdy. It's the same thing with comic book. He's cute.

What's wrong with him? He's proud of it. It is. I like him. I'm saying these Polly people, the loudest people of talking about Polly are the people that are the worst advertisement for being. Have you been Polly? No.

You guys have done it. You guys have done it. This is actually a great point you're making because I think the same logic that you're presenting applies to backlash of anything. In other words, a movie, a stand-up special comes out and you go on Twitter and you see the explosion. Right? But that's the loudest people.

Exactly. That's five people. Everybody hates this special. No. Fifty people with really loud Twitter accounts hate this special. Exactly. So this level of polyamory, polyamorous people, these are the activists. So of course they have fedoras.

Of course they have that weird spell. Honey, where are your fedoras? Dora, you look cute. Dude, you could rock that medallion. I've probably seen that medallion at Burning Man. I guarantee this guy goes to Burning Man. He actually has a good, I'll say this, he has a good disposition. He actually ends up saying that he enjoys it because we are talking about it.

They're making friends, your girlfriend, her husband, putting this whole community down. And I'm like, dude, whether they're talking good about us or they're talking bad about us, they're still talking about us. He knows his angles. Yeah, yeah, he's got his camera angle. He definitely knows. You think he likes eating pussy? No, I'm kidding.

Well, it's funny. He likes eating his wife's friend's pussy. There's no flavor like my wife's best friend's pussy. He's fucking a girl and her best friend. And she's really happy about it. He's got sex power. You know who misses eating pussy, Natasha? Who?

This message for all the ladies out there, my fifth video of the day. Oh, I want to go down to you. My last girlfriend was so self-conscious, she didn't really go down in her brain. My first girls, I've been with the first two, loved it. The third one, I did it for some reason. I don't get it, man. I don't get it. I miss that.

I miss that. I miss that. Maybe it's because he thinks pussies go sideways. Right. That's what I was thinking. I figured he just put her on her side. He looks like he would bring a glass of merlot with him to lick her pussy and just kind of wash it down.

Enjoy the experience. I just like, I like that it's his fifth video of the day. He's at a shooting range. Yeah, I was wondering, are those guns? And also the energy is pretty manic. I like that. I miss that. I miss that.

I miss that. I don't know who's going to let you eat their pussy. I think he'd be pretty good. I think he'd be pretty good. What is that, Natasha? It seems active. He's got a strong tongue. He'll be grateful.

He'll be grateful. Good energy. Very grateful when he gets down there. I like the bearded gent before because then, you know, all the juices in the beard. This way you guys can make out after. Oh, I'm not trying to kiss him after, but I would let him lick my pussy for sure. You would let this guy lick your pussy? This guy.

Wait a minute. This is so disrespectful to me. By the way, we need to call the gun range. This is not a person that should have a gun or an angel in your weaponry. At all. I miss that. I miss that. I miss that.

But you know what makes it feel better? Let's go to the mall. Oh my God. This dude is definitely should be on a watch list. I miss that. I miss that. I miss that. Oh my God.

It goes to the mall. It's like, I hit that. I hit that. I hit that. I hate that. Dude. And you know, again, I just shout out to him for putting it out there. The big thing is when you want to eat some pussy, you need to tell the world.

Right. Right. Broadcast it. Don't keep it inside. When we were young, I mean, how sad was that? When we were young and we wanted to eat pussy, there was no YouTube perks to go to. Can you imagine how sad of your YouTube? Unreal.

You especially weren't more of a deviant and you're younger. I was a deviant. Sexual deviant. Yeah. I was definitely a slut. Yeah. In fact, when Natasha and I first got together, she's my first like long-term monogamous relationship. And can I tell this story?

I pitched early on in our relationship because I wasn't used to monogamy. I pitched that what if I were to hook up with girls just at Burning Man? What if I could have just like a week off? I'm sure that went over really well. It was intense. Yeah. It was kind of like silent for a while. And then she was like, I need to think about that.

And I didn't hear from her for a week and I thought our relationship was right in the beginning. Wait, how long? To be honest, I don't remember this. Really? Wow. You don't remember? Really?

It was a big moment for me. Yeah. Because it seems like it would be burned into your head. Yeah. I'd remember this. I was wearing the fedora. Maybe she's like, that was a different guy. I said, I said, I'm not going to talk to you for a week.

No, no, no. You said I need some time to think about that. We weren't living together or anything. We didn't talk for a week? Like we were in a fight or something? I just didn't hear from you for probably a week, five days. She was mad. And I thought it was over.

I really thought. And then did we ever discuss it again? Yeah. We got back together. We got married eventually. Yeah. We have a kid. No, but do you remember the conversation after you guys spoke?

I do. I remember it really well. I just remember him. Here's why I don't quite remember it. I just remember him in general being kind of immature. Right. Or different. Right.

He had never had a girlfriend. Right. So it's like he didn't really get it. You know what I mean? Like to my credit needed to be. I was I was trying a monogamy going like, well, maybe this is a kind of thing. Would this work? Like I literally didn't know better than to not have that conversation.

Right. You know, I was so new. And I didn't know. I was like, what if this would this work? And she went away for like a week and I thought, fuck, I fucked it up. Like we're not. We're done. And she came back.

It was actually to me was very powerful. I get that it was imminently forgettable for you and not a big, but it was a huge moment for me. I was just busy for a week. Yeah. I was like shooting a show or something. She's like fielding offers for stand-up. And she said something to the effect of I understand that for you, sex is less meaningful

that you could acknowledge that you could go to Burning Man, hook up with someone, come back and still love me and it wouldn't be that big of a deal for you. Right. I mean, when I hook up with someone, it's got to have, I have to be into that person. And so I have one of two choices. One is sitting at home waiting while you go fuck people at Burning Man for a week, which seems like shit. Or the other is to go pursue people that I'm going to fall for.

And that also, do you want that? Is that something that you want? And I was like, I heard it. Was this in the Facebook argument kit? Wait, were we in the hot tub when I said this? I feel like I remember this now. Yeah. Maybe so.

Yeah. That was really good. I didn't even think of it as a rebuttal. I felt like, honestly, not to get too sincere, I felt like heard. And I also felt like, I felt like acknowledged that I had these desires or that I was new to monogamy. And then I also heard her argument was like, that makes total sense. And I felt like, thank you for considering it.

And we've been monogamous ever since. Wow. That's why going away by yourself can actually, now I'm starting to remember all of this. I think that it can like just having space. You can sometimes think, that's why in the moment, I never like having like, he's so good in the moment, but I need time to think about what I think. Since that conversation, I've kept every affair I've had at Burning Man Secret. That's really great.

I didn't want to know. That's great. She didn't want to know. And I heard that. And by the way, that is actually, that's showing you huge respect to keep it to himself. That's how much I love you. I don't tell you about them. Do you use condoms or no?

At Burning Man? Yeah. They're not allowed. Yeah. Well, that's right. They're not natural because you can't leave them on the playa or whatever. You have to fashion one out of the dust. Yeah.

You just can take your penis and dust. You ever choose to meet another suitor? I think I have the guy. Women. Let's go for the chase here. Women should clean up. Not only should women clean up, women should clean up unprompted. And I'm going to tell you why.

Oh, okay. Snake arm. It's very, very simple. We live in a world where things need to be fair. 50-50. Gender equality, blah, blah. I pay for things unprompted. You don't have to ask me to pay for shit.

If we go for dinner, I'll get my wall out, pay at the end. Don't even check the price of the bill. My card always works. Unprompted. If you're with me, your life is effectively free. Everywhere you eat, everywhere you go, where you sleep, you ain't paying for shit. You ain't getting in my car and I'm asking you for motherfucking gas money. No.

I pay for everything. What's up? As a man should. Hell yeah. Wait, is this guy from Birmingham, Alabama or Birmingham, England? What has happened? It's a very interesting case. He was born in the UK, I believe, lived here, has gone back and forth.

I think he's a British national, but he spent a lot of time in this state. Does he have six fingers? I'm sorry. Honestly, aside from his old school views on gender equality, his vibe is very attractive. Other than just his stuff about men and women, the way he says things makes you want to be with me. Look how clean his house is. Everything.

Oh, that's a green screen. I think it's a green screen. Oh, it is? We'll figure that out later, yeah. Well, you can also hear that echo doesn't sound natural for a room like that. I want to see where he lives. See, he's not... If he was living in here, I'd be a little more impressed.

He could fuck us all up. There's a world-class kickboxer. Is that true? Oh, shit. I like him. I think he's cool. He seems like a cool guy. Respect.

Is he a kickboxer? Yes. He's really cool. Now, when I say this, girls go, I don't like cleaning. No problem. Here, how about this? I'll clean. When I say I'll clean, I mean, I'll hire someone else to clean.

Okay, man. I'll get the house clean. My card always works. And you pay for everything. How about that? Oh, no, you can't do that either. Can you? Because you're a fucking moron.

And you realize that making money is much harder than getting some fucking dishes. Who is he talking to? There's a lot of women. Ah, yeah. His mommy. Yeah. Why would someone put this online? Voluntarily?

Did he? To be on our show. Don't you get it? Is he not? The only water I drink is sparkling water, because sparkling water is for rich people. I'll tell you why. You can get non-carbonated water, still water, from the fucking tap. The government gives you that shit, effectively for free.

Sam Tripoli over here. Sparkling water you have to buy. So, if you only drink sparkling water, you only drink rich man's water. I explain this to someone, some bumba-claw, and of course, you reply with the typical But I don't like sparkling. You don't like sparkling water? You don't like water? Yeah, but the bubbles.

The bubbles? Are you scared of bubbles, you little bitch? I'm coming onto this guy's team a little bit. Well, guess what? We have a new video. These are from The Vault. He has a new video. Oh, sweet.

We're really excited to check it out. So today's topic is girls were baffled by cheating. By what? Cheating. Cheating. Okay. What are those fucking bimbos, whose man cheated on them, and instead of sitting there like a good woman, looking in the mirror and saying, my tits are a little saggy, and I don't listen

enough, of course that's why he cheated. That's true. That's true. What are the dog pictures behind him? The aggressive dogs? It's in the room. I don't know. But honestly, he's not wrong.

He's not wrong. He's not wrong. I've studied this, actually. I have a degree in psychology, and they say that about 72% of infidelity in a relationship of what it's male generated is due to saggy titties. That's actually, yeah, that's just clinical. And I don't listen. Yeah, not listening.

I don't listen, no. Men are the enemy. Men are pigs. Why did he do it? I can't believe he did it. I'm so confused. What are you confused about, bitch? When's the last time you cooked him dinner?

Do you suck dick on demand? Yes or no? Wow. Do you obey? This guy's so cool. Is he real? This can't be real. He's real.

I think it is. He's fucking working, and he comes home to hear bullshit from you. And then, you are the only female on earth he's allowed to have sex with. And when he wants sex, you don't want it. So he's to go through his life sexlessly because you're a fucking frigid-ass hoe, and you're confused he cheated. I don't understand why. I understand why.

Because you're a fucking piece of shit. Look after your man-bearer, maybe he won't fucking cheat. Now there's a cool guy. So it sort of reminds me of a conversation you and I had recently. I just don't understand what is wrong with him. I think there's a little bit of... Performance? Yes, yes, yes.

So in other words, I think he's leaning into being the big provocant. It's Tom Likeis. Remember Tom? Dumb that bitch. Yeah, Tom Likeis. Yeah, it's that shtick, and he's kind of remixing it. Is that his Twitter right there? Oh, and G.

Oh, this thing was hilarious. He posted this. I've never seen Star Wars, and I've never seen that. This is him. Never will. Oh my God, you're missing out, maybe. You're missing out on being a multi-millionaire. Keep your movie.

And then he's standing in front of a Bentley. At a Bentley dealership. At the dealership. Yes. It doesn't quite suggest he drives a Bentley. No. Right. And the plate says TB Sexy.

Tuberculosis Sexy. Wait, he's someone that men can subscribe to, to like learn? Probably. Yes. Yes, they can. You can sign up for his... His services and everything. Yeah.

And his name's Mr. Plenty? I think so. Looks like him. But he's also a world champion kickboxer? He was. He's no longer competes, but he was, yes. That is kind of cool to be that big of an asshole, and then no one will ever say anything to you.

Mosha has told me this tweet you just pulled up. He has told it to me so many times. Which one? The other one? I'm like, I go, stop telling me that. You said, yeah, you know, like they always say, what is that thing? I say, show me a... I don't want to say it.

Show me a beautiful woman. I'll show you a man who's tired of fucking her, is a saying that I ever... Right. But he's saying it like he thought of it, and you've told me that so many times. I'm like, he definitely thinks that about me. No, I don't. The woman you're obsessed with... We're on like the seventh time he's...

He's fucking some guy who's bored of her. How long have you guys been in here? Seven, seven, eight years? Oh, so you're at the seven-year itch. Isn't that a thing? They... I don't know. But I had the 30-day itch.

You were like... That was our first conversation about Burning Man. No, I don't feel a seven-year itch. I've gotten clicked in. You dialed into it. I'm in. Plus you have a child. It's different when you're a family.

It's like, who... Who's time to cheat and be in polyamory when you have kids' stories? Men. Yeah. You know, because the woman just naturally takes on a little bit more of the childcare duties, even if it is like getting the nanny and scheduling everything. It is. You're just, as a woman, way more absorbed.

I don't know. My experience, I feel like. No, me too. I'm the head of the fucking house house. The in-house house. Oh, you guys... It's true. Women take...

When's the baby's next doctor appointment? Go. It's later this year. You want to ask me? Yeah. When's the next physical? When is it going to go? I don't care, you fucking hoe.

You bomba-clat complaining saggy-titty hoe. You come to me. I want it to blowjob on demand. That's what a doctor... How about a head doctor? When is the head doctor appointment? Fuck yeah. Yeah.

That's what's up. That right there. He makes money all day, bitch. All day, bitch. You know what? You know who I am, bitch? Mr. Plenty. Did your car never get declined?

Never. There you go. What was it? Somebody said... Somebody commented under that video, when he's like my car, and then he's like, yeah, it's called overdraft protection. These aggressive dog photos, I'm not feeling it. It's so weird.

It's probably a set as well, though, no? Yeah. It doesn't... Maybe... It feels odd. No, it looks like a more like a real dog. It's a dog. It's a dog.

It's a dog. No, it looks like a more like a real setting, but... But it's still not very ornate. It's not good. His whole philosophy seems to be directed at one person. Yeah, he's angry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It seems like he's like...

Yeah. He's very personal. Another thing, Diane. Yeah. This is all for Diane, everything. 100% it's actually... I think you hit the nail on the head. This is an ex-girlfriend.

Right. He's some girl fucked him up big time. Someone had an NRE with a different guy. You know what I mean? She left him for his friend. NRE, Tosh, do you know what that is? New relationship energy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It sounds nice. Diane, you have saggy titties. You specifically, your titties sagged. And she never cleaned. He's so mad at her. She didn't fucking listen. She didn't listen. She didn't give him blowjobs on demand.

She didn't give him blowjobs on demand. This guy's going to be like 80 when he's going to be like... Oh. I feel like Diane knows now. Yeah. All this shit. What is that? How do you even ask for a blowjob on demand?

Like, how would you even... Well, you don't ask. Let's start there. Oh. You come home. They push your head down. You come home after having made a bunch of money and you go... I demand a blowjob.

And then if they don't give it to you, you're like, you saggy tittie bitch and you go fuck somebody else. He just shows me the check and he's like, you know what to do, bitch. Tom, when you go on the road, you come home with Publishers Clearinghouse checks on the venue. They gave me one at a venue. One of the venues was like...

A big check? Yeah. And it was in the office. It was like you would want that on the plane. And then they go like, hey, we made this for you. And they wrote out the actual amount and everything on it. And I was like, okay, cool. Can I get the real one?

Regular check? And then they're like, yeah. And then she puts it on the wall. I go, hey, aren't you going to have employees come back and see this and feel weird about seeing the money written? She was like, oh, yeah, I didn't think about that. Was it your actual amount? Yes.

Yes. I was like, erase this. That is very funny. It's very bizarre. Bizarre. Very bizarre. I don't know what this is. This is somebody in a grocery store.

Is that what is happening? The guy calling out behavior? I hate to leave this guy. Yeah, I know. This guy is really fantastic. Have you ever had a boyfriend this horrible? Like back in the vaults, back in your 20s. No, no.

I had some horrible boyfriends though. Yeah. Like what's the worst piece of shit you dated? What did they do? Don't look at me, bitch. I mean, this actually goes further. What else we got? I mean, I'd like to hear it a little more.

In all cheating scenarios, 100% of the blame is always on the female. Yeah, that's true. If you looked after your man properly, let me tell you something. Men are a lot more lazy than you give us credit for. What a weird point. That is a good point. He's having a mental break. We can't be bothered to go out there, find some bimbo, talk shit to her,

take her for dinner, buy her some shit, listen to her opinions on fucking her favorite dog breed and scroll, oh yeah, your Instagram filter. It's a specific person. Men, we don't want to do none of that. We do it because eventually there's some sex at the end. So if you gave him enough sex at home, he's not going to bother with that shit.

Why am I going to talk to this bitch? My bitch already sucks, dick. I don't need to. If your man's cheating, it's because you ain't looking after him right. So stop the confusion, stop being baffled. I'm telling you right now why he did it. No, no, no, go back, go back. Go back.

You see the veneer start to crack. He was about to laugh at his own. If you gave him enough sex at home, he's not going to bother with that shit. Why am I going to talk to this bitch? My bitch already sucks, dick. I don't need to. If your man's cheating, it's because you ain't looking after him right. So stop the confusion, stop being baffled.

I'm telling you right now why he did that. See, he's not real. This guy's no gangster. He probably is married. Inspired by you. I don't know. If your man does cheat, the most stupid thing you can do is leave him. You're going to leave the man you love.

The man you were head over heels in love with. You're going to leave him and find another man who you don't love, who's still going to cheat on you because you're still a trash bitch. Okay, now he's making an appeal to... See, in my argument group, we would call that an appeal to logic. And that actually doesn't make sense. There's some sense to that. You leave the guy you like.

You go to the next guy. You're a trash bitch, so you're going to get cheated on. Assuming the premise is it's the woman's fault that a man cheats. Therefore, all men will cheat if you're a piece of shit bitch. So he's right. Let me ask this one question. If she goes to the other man, are her titties going to get perkier? Or do they still saggy?

They still saggy, so there's nothing that can be done. He's going to cheat again. She should wear a shirt that says still saggy. Because that's what's up with every bitch. I dated a guy once and I remember he got mad at me. I think I might have cheated on him. But he was like, I can't believe you moved to Hollywood.

That's all Hollywood needs is another 26 year old with eye bags. Wow. Or crow's feet. Crow's feet? And I was like, so young. 26. He did not. Stunning.

You had to crow's feet when you were 26. I had a boyfriend call me fat when I was like 21. I maybe weighed 120 at the time. He was like, you're fat. He's like, well, you're not exactly as thin as you used to be. I was like, I was literally

just like a rail back then. So he was just trying to find something. That sounds like he was saying something back to you. Yeah, I don't remember. I think I was, I don't remember. I don't remember. Did you notice that? I didn't say that.

He was like, well, you're not exactly. What mean shit did you say? I don't think that was being mean. I think it was like, I don't remember. What's the meanest thing you've ever said to an ex? Or to Tom? I mean, come on. Does anything stand out?

On deck? I can be vicious, right? I can be a mean old bitch if I want. Go for the weakness. You would make fun of his physicality? No. I had a girl once. I used to look kind of a lot wilder.

Like, I was like a kind of a hipster to the end. I kind of look like Judah Freelander, actually. This is before comedy. And a woman told me, I can't bring you, I can't let you meet my father looking like that. And I was, it was the most hurtful thing I'd ever. Oh, jeez. And then I took the Cubic's Arconia studs out

and cut his hair. And I was like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I took the Cubic's Arconia studs out and got a haircut. I was like, I need to make some changes around here.

So that was really hurtful, though. Oh, it hurt bad. That was a rough one. That was terrible. Do you really not remember what you said to this guy? I was 21 years old. I remember this. We were driving around San Francisco

in North Beach. And I was wearing denim overalls. It was the 90s. But I don't remember what prompted him to say, I think we're falling apart. The relationship wasn't doing so well. And I think he kind of blamed my fatness for it.

But you're saying you weren't fat, you were skinny. A girl, I mean, compared to now, like, yeah, no, it wasn't fucking fat. I weighed 120 and I was 21 years old. So he was trying to intentionally hurt you. Well, let me ask you this. I was skinny. What was up with this area in your face?

Were there any coat feet or eye bags at all happening? Yes. Oh, yeah. Since I was five. I think of like your meanest thing. To you? I don't fuck. I mean, we've said crazy shit to each other in 15 years. I'll say me too, but sometimes I'll say mean things

but accident. I didn't think it was mean. She told me the other day. I was in the bathroom the other day and the kid was having a bath and she's like, you can go. And I was like, what do you mean I can go? She was on her phone and she was on her phone,

looked up from her phone and was like, you can go if you're going to text. I've never had that happen before. A person on their phone talking shit about my phone use. Well, I was trying to bathe the child, but then you were standing in front of me on your phone blocking my view of my child. Literally, her face was being glowed

by the phone going like, you can go. And I go, don't talk shit about my phone use while you're on the phone. But I was probably just texting someone. You were like in the middle of an argument. It was a much deeper general vibe. Because he's on Nicaragum. So he's like chomping.

Like a masticating like a cow, like cow chud or whatever it's called. Like, it's like con-cud. Is that what it is? So he's just like. Like, I see red when you say shit, like, oh, Oh, boy, oh, yeah.

I got so mad. And then don't forget to give her extra. For the dry, I go, I fucking know about the kid. Yeah, anything. The eighth time, the eighth mention. And then don't forget that he has lunch. Yeah. Yeah. I know I got that. But you guys are like.

Sure, sure, sure. You have in the past. You've forgotten to give Claudia the money. That's why I remind you 500 times. Why do you guys care that if we're taking on more of the responsibility, I'm asking you to. Why do you care if we just give you a little reminder

in case you were going to forget? 100 times a day. It starts with the obnoxious premise that you default assume that women always care for the child more. It's not women. I'm just saying that's my experience. That it's what is your experience?

That I just naturally take on a little bit more. But you also applied it to Christina. I do. I feel like I'm more in tune with the day-to-dayness of the children's existences. Tom. Yeah, yeah, sure. Yeah. I mean, this is honestly this kind of talk. It's all women, but it is like

a lot of the ones I talk to have the same experience. Back me up on this. This kind of talk is the reason we cheat. That's true. This is the reason we cheat. Let's complain more. You two are so fucking lucky to even be in a room with us. You like your life, Jenny?

You just keep spitting that stupid shit and you'll find out what fucking happens. So you find it like enters the realm of nagging when we tell you a bunch of times? It's not nagging. It's the assumption that we kill our own child. It's not for the reminder that you swoop in. It's true. It kind of feels like

I feel when I'm spoken to like that that I'm a child and a shitty condescending teacher is telling me something. That's interesting because I don't say it to you in that tone. It literally is Don't you fucking talk to me like that. Yeah, I don't do like that. I literally go,

Jeans, don't forget. Today's the day you have to pay Claudia. When I'm typing it to you or telling you, you hear it as mommy telling you you're stupid. You call him Jeans all the time. I don't think it's always neutral. I think you might think it's neutral.

Jeans, don't forget to pay. I think you're isolating one way that, sure, sometimes you say things neutral. Sometimes you don't say things neutral. Here's the thing we have to remember you guys because we study relationships because we study our own and we talk about it on our podcast

is that we have to together make a team. Some of us are better at certain things than others. That's what I was trying to think. Moshe is so good at cooking. I was like, I want him to start doing more of what he's really good at. I'm way better at scheduling.

He loves to do all the driving. Just like maybe letting him do the thing. I don't know. Whatever is strong. Tom's good at taking out garbage and stuff. You're one of the best. You're one of the best. One of the things that a team has

one of the classic things that the sports team has is a guy that goes out and finds new players to join the team. He has to go around the country. It's a year-long job. It's a hard job and it's a vital to put new energy

maybe new relationship energy back into the team. A recruiter, if you will. Go to Burning Man once a year and just see what kind of talent is out there. It's a great job I've given Moshe. He hasn't quite accepted that this is his responsibility

but I scheduled the Nanny. You admit that, right? A job that I want him to do is log on for all of our flights and get all the boarding passes. Do all of that. Get it all ready. Check us in early. You assign that.

Can you just always be in charge of that? How do you feel about that? I didn't mind it until I realized right now in this moment that she had assigned me with that job. When she asked, will you check us in? I'm like, it's all good but now that I realize she's like, a new job that I've given the boy

is he's in charge of that I didn't like. It feels bad. I don't think Mr. Perfzy or whatever his name is would be accepting it like that. I'm just saying, I'm trying to find the things you did at. Check in your own flight, you saggy titty bitch. Okay, our daughter just had a birthday party.

Who planned most of the party? Who got the cupcakes? The food? Christina, did you just move over there? This is so weird. The entertainment. I know. Who planned Christmas party this year for those

saguras? Who planned that party? You let them put the chips in a bowl and they think they did the whole thing. It's so funny because when this guy came on when he came on I was like what a caveman regressive asshole. I'm so grateful to be

enlightened. Now you're talking to one woman. And now I'm like, you know what? This kickboxer knows what's happening in the world. I'm 100% on board with him much more so than I was. But I want to be able to do that and I want to have control of that

and I want to have control of the schedule because I'm just better at it and I feel like I can do so many things at once and I'm totally fine taking that on but then there's some things that I want you to do. There are. Like get railed by like nine dudes at once while I watch.

That sounds cool. That's what I'm into. Is that too much to ask? Is that something you'd really want? No. Why not? As long as he checks us into our Southwest place. Make sure we're not in group C. I'm fine.

I half-life like this dude. He's banging my fucking best friend. At least I love him. Maybe I love him and I stick by him anyway. Now you're starting to fucking sound like a real woman. Sort your shit out. I can't. I think my stomach hurts watching him.

It's a bit much. It's hurting me. You guys have HBO? Yeah. Have you ever seen Piss Spots? No. Alright. We're back for another episode. Greenwood liquorice in the back parking lot. I'm going to do this.

Australian for gear. We got 99 Peach. Let's do this. Schnaps? Yeah. This guy started a new YouTube series called Piss Spots. He drinks

and then he drives and then he parks and then he goes, I peed here and it's a good spot to piss it. This is on HBO. Natasha. No. I thought you said earlier. He did.

I think he was doing a bit. No, but you're right. They are very progressive. They do all kinds of cool shit imaginative. I get Natasha's point. Some of these are very fascinating. This should be on HBO because we're hooked. We're on episode four and it's great.

Do people sometimes make content for you and send it? Do you ever get the impression? You ever think like, the guy like this, your podcast is going to cause someone's death? Piss Spots. We're on Mulholland here. Hold on and then he just careens off. Not until you mention it.

Who else we got in the bank here? This guy, he did Piss Spots one and two. Then he didn't post for eight months. I thought naturally jail. But then when we played them, he was like, I'm back. So now he's doing weekly episodes.

He's really putting the content out there again. Piss Spots. But he also likes to show us which containers he's in and how. Wait, he's driving drunk? He just like down something quickly. He's in a parked car.

Sometimes he's been in a car and then he's like I'm on the side of the highway. It's also funny, you don't have to drink alcohol to piss. Very true. You can just drink water and then pee. You piss probably every day, right? Do you think that the internet is making people

start to feel that if people don't know who they are they don't exist? Because it feels like everyone wants to be noticed now even for something really negative. It's a little scary. And the dumbest of the dumb are usually

they want to get noticed the most. I mean maybe this is a passion. Fosses is so bad. All right, you know what? I'm gonna piss my pants. Oh, he does it in his pants? I thought he was gonna pull it out. Usually.

Does he film while he pees? Oh, so you get to hear it. You get to hear that hot piss hit the ground. He's going in the parking lot. He can never have kids. They're gonna be like, oh that's the piss guy. That's piss dad.

By the way, I love that he really up the production value for episode 4. Some of the other ones you could see clearly now, not so much. You know what? I think the show has jumped a shark. Because last week on Pissed Spots he peed in his favorite spot.

It was his room. And then he showed us with the lights on how to pee inside of a beer bottle and how to get your piss inside a tinier opening than the width of your penis. Do you have to look at his penis? No. I just feel like the last episode was more informative

and better lit and this episode I'm not really following it. Have you ever pissed in like a cup or a bottle? Of course. I'm a savage. I pissed in a cup like five weeks ago. Really? You didn't tell me about this. Where?

In my hotel room because my baby was sleeping in the bathroom and I had brought her on the road. No, obviously not. I would not have done that. You just didn't want to wake her up. I didn't want to wake her up. And you know they have those little paper cups and you pissed in a cup?

I mean, I was either that or have the baby cry and then I have to wake up early because she like, you know didn't get her full sleep. Go ahead. You think that's gross? It's shocking to me. I didn't drink it.

If you had drank it though. That's what she doesn't do while I'm in the room because I'll have to go out immediately. You wouldn't have pissed in like if there was a sink that was low. No, I would have pissed in the bathroom. You need to wake the baby up. I'm not afraid of waking the baby up.

This is the thing about women. You're so worried about the baby that you end up doing things that are unnecessary. A baby can sleep through you, me peeing next to her. But she has woken up before from someone peeing and flushing the toilet or whatever. I wouldn't flush.

Well, I didn't want to leave her in like a toxic smelling small room. You would have sat down. Yeah, but the difference is that baby wakes up and now your day is fucked because that's her free time that she wants to keep. Are you there too? Yeah, we're equals. But are you in the room at the same time?

No, at this particular incident I'm saying so she's probably just trying to preserve your and resting time too. What do I lose by peeing in a cup? A little bit of dignity. What I'm hearing from you two? A lot of this. We'll suck your dick, Tom.

I just want to hear how he rated so far as a cookie. I chugged three quarters of a foster's can and I had a 99 peach or a grape. I don't remember which one it was. I give it, yes. I give it 5 out of 5.

5 out of 5. Piss bottles. Piss bottles. Where is he? He's in the New Hampshire area. Yeah, he's in the Northeast. I used to pee when I was young. I would pee in the heater. Because it would like sizzle. And the whole house would smell like my piss.

What kind of heater did you have that you could do? We had like a really big, it was like a bed, like a plug-in heater but it was giant growing up. It was a big one. It was like the size of your whole desk. Yeah, it was metal. Oh, radiator. One of these?

No, it was way bigger than that. That is way worse than peeing in a contained cup. No, I had mental problems. Christina, you would really pee in the cup too. Yeah, I've done it before. I've done it many times. I've peed in a cup in a moving car one time in his old Chevy Malibu.

Because I was in the desert and I didn't want to pull over and I was scared because it was nighttime and I got piss all over his car seat. You were there? No, I was alone in the desert. I was afraid. I came back from some gig and like... You kept driving? And I tried to like slow the car down really slow and piss. You were driving while doing it?

I didn't go well. I heard an old trick and I've used it which is that truckers say if you are driving late at night and you fall asleep, you jerk off. And you can't do it to completion. If you do it to completion, you'll fall asleep. But if you jerk off, the horniness will keep you awake

and I did it to great effect once. Wow, that's cool. How long was the drive? Two and a half hours. I was actually driving from Burning Man to the Reno airport at like one in the morning and I jerked off the whole way and I made it. And did you finish when you parked? I arrived alive. I think I must have.

You jerked off for two hours? I got myself awake. Because I had a gig. I remember I had a gig and I had already been up partying for like four days so I was like afraid I'd fall asleep on the road. I got to the Reno airport, completed, went and did a college gig, flew back and drove straight back to Burning Man.

Wow. Dedicated. You are dedicated. Do they still have those types of booths at Burning Man like orgasm for an omelet and like eat out girls? There was like an orgy tent. Yeah, there's orgy dome. Things like that but it's not quite as overt

not quite as overt as you think. I mean orgasm for an omelet, no one's really having an orgasm. Yeah. Some guy in a fedora going come in and everybody saying no thank you. Yeah. That's true. And do you shower? You can't really shower

Burning Man. Tell them about Dr. Bronner's where we shower. That is pretty fun actually. There's a camp that Dr. Bronner's does. The soap company. Yeah. And they're a cool company actually. I like their eucalyptus soap.

I like the almond. And they go out there every year, they have a big camp and they do like a big dome where they have a party and you have to wait in line. You line up for like hours to get in. Naked. And you're not in line naked. When you get into the dome, you take off your clothes

and there's like a dancing situation where you're dancing naked. And a little more of a line when you're naked. And then they come up on top of the boxcar and they spray you with Dr. Bronner's phone. It's like, we were calling it like the fun holocaust. It was like, it felt very holocausty

but like kind of cool and fun. Yeah, silly. There's techno playing, you're getting clean. But it feels very like Auschwitz-y because they're like spraying you down on Auschwitz-y. But it's definitely the closest I've ever been to like penises that I'm not fucking. Yeah.

They're all around you. It's the only shower you're getting over four days because that playa sand is... It's the only one I got. No, I have an RV. I own an RV and I shower in the RV. You do your own showers there. But I don't let Natasha in.

You showered in my shower. I took a shower in there but I would always like to go to Dr. Bronner because it felt... Felt nice to have that many dicks around you. It was just a nice feel. I mean, it's really dusty there. It is. It's really nice to be inside and see what the camp is like.

So you felt like that... I'm not participated in it, but I've seen the camp. You went to Burning Man for the show? So it was called the Hitchhiker Chronicles and we picked up Hitchhikers and one episode is we went to Burning Man. And so they let us in and I got to just drive around and pick people up and interview them

throughout the course. I want to see that. It aired a million years ago after Hurt Burt, Burt Kreischer's show on FX. It was cool. I liked it. That's the perfect way to see it. The only reason the deterrent for me is the weather. It's so hot.

It's gnarly. There's no question. And sometimes it's so cold. But at night, sometimes I had... My toes were numb when I was working in the cafe at night one of the years. So it's kind of uninhabitable. It gets super hot and then super cold some years and it's just way too dusty.

The dust is terrible. But Moshe is already pitching it to me like now in February. I want to bring the kid. A lot of people do. You want to bring her this year? I'll bring her this year, next year, whatever. What's the thrill for you there?

For me, I think that I like extreme experiences. I like weird shit. It's why I like comedy. I like to laugh. I like things to be weird and odd and odd people. That's why I like comedians. And it's one of the highest concentrations of bizarre people

and spectacle and things to do less so every year. What do you do there when you go? Coke, I guess. That would be fun. What do you do about it? Well, he works. I used to work there. I used to volunteer there for a long time. What do you do as a volunteer?

I would be the person at the front gate that would check the cars as they were coming in. Really? I don't do that anymore. But I did it for years just to be a part of the community there. We would get showers as a result of that. We'd get fed and stuff. How long ago was that?

Three or four years ago. Wouldn't you have people be like, oh, hey, you're Moshe. It felt too weird. People would start to recognize me more and more. I wanted to be a part of the community. When you're getting recognized, you don't feel that way. There's no point in doing this.

That's when I realized that Moshe has a small fantasy of being a cop. That's when I realized that Moshe has a small fantasy of being a cop. He likes telling people what to do a little bit. He likes telling people what to do a little bit. I don't have that at all. I don't want to tell someone they're in trouble. That's also why I quit. Whatever. What I do when I go there is I generally...

You're like the gatekeeper. I like to wander around. Take in the artwork. Take in the spectacle of it. Meet people. Sunset's beautiful if you bike around. Have weird interactions. See people on the extreme fringes of life and society.

And then at night, we go dancing. We'll go listen to... There's so many things to do. I have an RV. Can you go brown? Can you pee and poo in your RV? I remember there were porta-potties and that looked terrible. Portos.

I would hate that. We did that though. The first year I went, I had to go in the portos. No. I was pregnant one year and it wasn't really rough. In the heat? You own an RV? I did it to show them I was fun. I own an RV.

It's literally the most important thing in my life. Do you have people like... There's air conditioning on that. Do you have people when you have an RV and you're at an event? I know nothing about it. Are people knocking on it like, hey, can I crash with you? Is that like a... I brought a friend last year and he was in a tent

and I would let him come in and shower once in a while. You don't have people harassing you because... Like random people? Most people have their stuff situated. There's people who spend all year preparing a float. They prepare artwork that's moveable and that goes along the play.

People really prepare for this. Like this last year there was an installation that was like... It was crazy. It looked like a Peter Pan fantasy house and it was like three stories tall. It was probably 50 feet tall. I mean it was gigantic and there were towers.

It looked like literally from a movie set of a Peter Pan film. And it was like super intricate old magical looking house you climb a spiral staircase with books up in the top little attic and then downstairs you'd open something and there would be

a looking glass. It was the most fantastical thing you've ever seen and I saw this crazy live jazz performance in the center courtyard of this thing. It literally just looked like a castle that they built and at the end on Thursday night they set the whole fucking thing on fire.

Dude, you need to look up Las Fallas. First of all, in Spain there's festivals every week. There's a special one in Valencia and they have these abilities spectacular floats and everyone's partying and they all go to this one square and then they set them all on fire.

It is a spectacle. So that I think... Europe and the old world does this better than America. America, the problem I have with America is that when people moved here when immigrants moved to this country the charge was get rid of your old

archaic ways and become American. And as a result of that, there's some positives to that the negatives to that were that we got rid of all our rituals and you go to a place like Europe or you go to the old world and there's still these crazy rituals and that's what Burning Man to me, there's a lot of power in that

that they've created this. The only people that have rituals is hippies in American society. For all the negative things you can say about hippies they've kind of created a world view where they've recreated the old rituals. And so that to me

is a big part of what's fun about Burning Man. Yeah, that's cool. I can respect that. It's a pretty rad, it's a far out there thing. And it's nice, it's cathartic. Either it's that place you put your friends who have died, you put your letters it's lovely. There was some Brody stuff out there

that I don't know who put it there but we would walk over like, oh my god every year, the Saturday night the big parties, they burn the man. And it's the most spectacular fireworks display by a factor of probably a hundred. Fourth of July I can't even watch Fourth of July fireworks anymore.

Because of how spectacular it is. It's so over the top and insane, there's gas bombs, there's diesel bombs where a 50 foot fireball is just exploding and then there's this crazy fireworks. It's a big, crazy insane party. But Sunday night they build this thing called the Temple

which is where people, they go and they put the memories of the people that they've lost in the last year. And I'll tell you what's powerful about it is you see how much loss there is in a community of just 70,000 people and then you start to realize like, oh this is just 70,000 random people. Everybody's experiencing this level of loss

with nowhere to put it. Because we don't have ritual, because we've done away with a lot of that, we don't have anywhere to put our loss and so you see like, wow, this whole community is leaving and like I said it was a trip, I would walk into this temple and see like friends that have passed of mine.

I wonder who put that here and then there was you know, like I said a Brody cut out and there was like, somebody printed it up and anyway, and then they set that on fire and that's not really a party, that's like pretty much silent. There's a silent on Sunday night, nobody parties, they just set this thing on fire. It's a pretty beautiful experience.

Yeah, it's nice. It is nice. Well hearing you talk about that is nice, but I still have to say the festival has never moved me. Right. It's always kind of failed to like, do it for me. But that also makes sense though, right? It makes sense that it's like the whole thing of

somebody obsessed or moved, let's say even by a band you hear it and you're like, yeah, they're good. Yeah, I totally get that. It's not for everybody. I'm like an old school raver, like that was my childhood, my teenage years were raves and like, and so to me it's like, it's a little slice of that

old counterculture that I was into in the 90s that kind of doesn't exist anywhere else anymore because of the fucking internet. But there is no muse, like the music at Burning Man is what's kind of annoying about it because it's all techno. It's not like it's a music festival where there's bands and stuff. But you love that shit.

I love that shit. Look, this was a lot of fun. I'm so glad you guys came today. Where are you guys on the road coming up? We actually are about to cancel our tour because of the coronavirus. We are very scared about the tour. We're doing a tour called the Royal Family Tour coming up where we're going all over the country

and to Europe. Where were you planning to go in Europe? We were going to go to Dublin Glasgow, Manchester and London. Awesome. Maybe we should mention the dates that were actually and Wuhan. But we have a whole bunch of dates. We're going to Hawaii.

We're going to New York. I don't think we're going to Hawaii anymore. Are the tickets We are going to make it to Fargo. Fargo is going to be great. Fargo, and you know what? We're also going to make our Bakersfield date. We're going to make our Bakersfield date. And we might go to San Diego. So check us out. The Royal Family Tour, but we will have more

dates in six months after they sort out all this stuff with the CDC. MochaCashier.com or NatashaLigero.com and also we talked a lot about love and relationships today. Tasha and I do this podcast where we take call in live relationship advice. People call in for advice. You guys could call in. Actually

maybe you could be. I would come on. You guys want to come on? And then people call in and they like say their relationship issue and you can give them the answer. I love it. We'd love to have you on sometime. I would love to do that. And of course, it's called the Endless Honeymoon podcast. I should say that. That's a nice

title. Endless Honeymoon podcast. And of Christina and Natasha, I know you guys have some parting words for the audience. He's saying we're mentally disabled. I just thought it was fun. Because you're women. Because we handle the

schedules and clean up after you. Christina, do you have anything to add? See, that's disrespectful, Tom, what you're doing. I thought it was the sound of a cow and I thought you were saying it because they have those saggy titty like others. Titty like others.

I thought that's where you're going. That's more respectful. Saggy titty, saggy titty, saggy titty, saggy titty. You didn't say back, Christina? I think I found this TikTok. Don't you use this against me? My own curation. You're like an art curator but you're on

TikTok. Christina, I didn't tell you this. I didn't tell you this but when we did Lights Out the other day, we were talking about the kid and you said something to me, you said that it rebuilds your entire DNA

and then you were like, none of this matters. Nothing matters after you have everything and it really, there's something about the way you said it that really stuck with me and it really, it moved me in a good way. In a good way. Because I'm having an existential crisis and I think I'm worried about death all the time.

I want to hear what you said though. It was just like this idea. Thank you. Once you have kids, everything gets rebuilt and your priorities have just been completely rejiggered so that all this show business and career striving and all that who gives a shit, who fucking cares.

And it really, it kind of struck me in a really good way. Does that mean you'll agree to cancel our European tour dates? Well, it was just a trip to hear it because of the sound effect that you made like that. That's what I was expecting. It was more of a

handbag. Stupid chicks. I'm glad I could affect you. That's good. It's very insightful. I am very insightful. I am. No, no, but that is actually a great, it is true. You care so much about the show but I think your perspective definitely

changes when you have little faces looking at you. Yeah, they're most important. And forget about the cheese because I guess probably people are like, oh, that's cheesy, but there is like, when you hit a certain age, you need something to recreate the value and meaning in your life because it's like, is this it?

Am I just going to like look for like money and recognition only? That's what my whole life is going to be. Oh, it becomes so masturbatory. My whole existence, it's like, what am I, what are we doing? Another brunch. Life is nothing. But a search for a new

place to piss. Why don't we leave on one of Christina's TikToks? Okay. Why don't we leave on one? I'm afraid. No, no, this is one of your good ones. Okay. All right. All right, outlaws. Listen up. What makes you all think we're related?

No, no, stop this. Let me see this. Listen here, mother fuckers. You've done pissed me the fuck off and I'm already in a bad goddamn mood today. Well, little advice to those that think we're cousins, no the fuck we're not. I'm not related to her. I'm no

kin to her. And if you keep the shit up, I'm calling the fucking CEO and every one of y'all's little goddamn accounts are getting shut down. Do I make myself clear? Just FYI, he's Cherokee. I'm not native. She went too far.

You have a loud mouth. Well, secrets out. Fuck with us and watch what happens to your accounts. Goodbye. I mean, they look so unbelievable. Oh my god, I am getting on TikTok. It's pretty great.

Look at my stories. And then as you had them on the show. If you're listening to open it, elder, elder chief big rig truck monster truck boy.

He told her to shut up. Oh, I love that too. He was like he's Cherokee. He's like, no, don't go there. You have a big mouth. Well, and do you think he's got the CEO of TikTok's phone number on deck? He's got the contact and I got some new accounts for you to shut down.

He seems like he doesn't have an email address. No way. The fact that he even knows CEO that there is this radio. And that they even came up with a username. A lot of these monsters only have like at nine five. Now, is he responding to someone saying

like people are commenting. They're commenting. So this is like a couple that is like publicly kissing on TikTok. Oh, you guys are related. They look so related. They definitely are related. Same sunken eyes.

And let me just say this. I don't have a fucking TikTok account at all. So I'm willing to say the truth. I'm not scared. This is outlaw. Y'all are cousins. You call this any CEO you want. I don't have an account. But you are welcome on our podcast anytime. I don't think you guys are cousins.

They're going to shut down your Instagram. They're going to find out. All right. This was a lot of fun. Thank you guys for coming. Thank you. Thanks for having us. Woohoo. All right. We're super excited to have the co-creators,

writers, executive producers, directors of HBO's hit docu-series McMillions, James Lee Hernandez and Brian LaSarte. Am I saying that right? LaSarte? Any relation? Now, I got word that one of the other executive

producers of the series is Mark Is that correct? Yes, that is correct. I think it's pronounced The ball is silent. Mark So it's

I'm sorry. It's unrealistic ideas. So that's Mark and Steven Levinson and Archie Gibbs. Yes. I remember so full disclosure for the viewers and listeners. I know Brian fairly well. We were born

two weeks apart next door to each other. Spent a lot of time together. I remember when... Wait, and your cousins. We didn't say that though. No, but I mean I was going to get there. We were bathing together on display in our home.

That's when we were like 18, but also stuff for when we were kids too. But I remember when this first, first story like when you guys were first, I guess got the rights to a part of the story. And then, I don't know, there's this

thing about documentaries that I don't know, documentaries have become super popular I would say in the last decade especially, right? They're just, it's uploaded. And I think everybody feels like when they hear any seemingly

interesting story or meet any type of character-ish person, you know, they're like, this would be a good documentary to do, but like this guy Hank, he's always buying coffee, he wears hats with feathers. You guys should do a documentary on him. How do you filter out

that from like what you feel like would be a really actually exceptionally good documentary? It's a good question. Usually the first question is, how did you guys get into this and how did you meet? Of course. It really comes down to

like what do you think is an interesting thing to dive into? Yeah. So you start to look into it and little pieces of it and there's always a thing of like somebody might come to you and say, my friend lives next to an airport and now his whole family is cancer. Super sad.

I don't know if that's related. You start to look into it, but specifically with this it's when you first start to learn about the concept of, okay, well, the McDonald's Monopoly game was loved by all, especially me as a kid. We should have said, we just said the title,

but that your docu-series it's on HBO right now, McMillions more specifically is about the McDonald's Monopoly game that was huge when we were kids. And you guys further explore in this docu-series that there was massive

fraud and that the winners were basically not legit winners. Right. So from 1989 to 2001, there was a fraud ring that was stealing the game pieces and selling them around. And nobody knew about this? Nobody knew. The FBI

was tipped off about this in 2001 and then they looked into it eventually take the entire thing down in a pretty hilarious manner, especially for what people think of as the FBI, but for us when looking into this story first it's like the personal interest.

I loved the Monopoly game as a kid. My first job at 16 was at McDonald's during the time of this. You did work there. Really? I got my license the day I got my license that came home showed my dad like, I got my license. He's like, go get a job. So I went to the Youth Employment Service Center

and saw a big bulletin board said McDonald's is hiring and underneath it said food on all your breaks. Can you still eat McDonald's to this day? I went through a really long period of time of not, but on this project we've probably eaten there the last two years

more than I had in the previous 20. What was your go-to pleasure break food when you worked at McDonald's? I was at number three super size with a Coke. What's the number three? That was a quarter powder cheese, super size fries and a Coke or a sprite depending on

that Coke formula and the Diet Coke tastes different than anywhere else and also I remember going to McDonald's and if the fries weren't piping hot I'd be like, these are cold and I would get new fries. Well they go from great to terrible

immediately based on the time and also it's one of the only I felt like it was the only food or at least the first one that I ever discovered that if it had gotten cold and you microwaved it, it tasted nothing like what you were

it did not taste like a hot version of food again. It chemically altered. But I mean usually you finish it so you must have been buying two or three of them and taking them home. It's possible. I'll save one for later. It might have been. I'm not going to call

names, we're not going to insult each other but yeah, I probably did that a few times. Sorry, I just have a McDonald's question about the amounts of pickles and everything. That's all regulation. Do you have a number of squirts of ketchup? How many squirts of ketchup on a quarter pounder

with cheese? Because I feel as though it's an inferior. It's not enough. Well it's been a few years since I was in the kitchen but so they have a gun and the gun automatically does it. You do one squirt and it does like three perfect little splooges of ketchup

and then you put I think it's three pickles on a regular cheeseburger. How many pickles on the McRib? Go ahead. Oh, God. I wasn't working there during the time McRib was available. I just made that up. Why is that soda so much better? Why is that formula better?

I don't know, it's like a miracle. Even a movie theater soda is ten times better than if you like crack a coke at home. Yeah. Before we move on to more about McMillions, you're Hernandez, you're Lissarte. Were you guys tempted to feature Chipotle because

you were part owned by McDonald's? Oh, that's true. We talked about it and we just decided I'm not as huge of a fan of burritos as you are and we at least had Common Ground with Apple Pie's.

Stick to what you know. Our negotiations with Taco Bell broke down. So you're here now with McDonald's. To answer your question about what makes something worth pursuing as a documentary, we saw this not only it was character

and story. If the story is just a surface like oh, the FBI cracked the case, few phone calls, they didn't under cover operation and that was it. Maybe that would be an interesting short or maybe that would make a good short story or you could build a whole

feature script around something like that. But for us, talking to the FBI agents who were the first people that we actually spoke to in this process, hearing how far back this went, how, you know, it was a flood case that lasted 12 years. How far into the conversation

that you're talking to these guys, do you realize how rich the story is? Is it in the first time you talked to them? It was almost it was definitely before physical, like we actually shot anything. So we got a lot of the court

transcripts. So we had a general idea of the overall story, but there's a lot of confusion like in reading through transcripts, you kind of you're getting pieces of the details. But in talking to Mark Devereux, who was the federal prosecutor, he really laid out so much and there was a story

that he's great, by the way. He's great. Oh, yeah. Well, he's a performer. He's a trial attorney for the U.S. government. You have to be that showman. And you can tell too that like even watching him do anything like he's in charge, like he tells the FBI guys what's up for sure.

Sure. One of the first things he told us was about the story where the FBI had three people from McDonald's when they finally decided, hey, we hit a wall. We're going to get three people from McDonald's in on this

and have them come out to FBI Jacksonville. And we're not going to tell them why we need to meet them. Yeah. And and we he picks them up from the airport, drives them personally to the FBI. It must have been shitting their pants. Oh, yeah. And we were

asking and this is not really covered too much actually in the series, but we were asking the FBI and Mark Devereux, like, why would you tease them? Like, why would you have them show up? Not say like they're talking about the weather. Like, what are we doing here? And Mark is like, you know, it's sunny out.

Yeah, exactly. Like, oh, well, we'll get into that fucking I mean, state prosecutors like, how's this rain? Right? Why are we going to the FBI headquarters? And Chicago to Jacksonville is not like a 30 minute flight. No, they're stewing over

what in the world are we being brought out here for us? Well, and you think from their perspective, if if why wouldn't we go to the Chicago office of the FBI is the third largest in the world. So why wouldn't we just drive 20 minutes over to this make the fly to Jacksonville

Florida? So he brings him into the FBI. Rick Dent greets them and they take him through what is called a man trap at the FBI, which is basically you enter into one room and all the doors shut behind you. And you need someone

from the FBI to like punch in another code to open another door for you to enter. And so all of this is being dragged out and, you know, we were asking like the FBI, like, what is the point of this? And they're, they were saying how it's part of a strategy to actually see

if any of these people get rattled. Yeah, because like, you know, if they were guilty, they would give off signs like they would start sweating because they would know why they're there. Right. Right. And so it was all built into this, like built because he says in that

in that first episode, Mark Devereux, no, not Devereux, Chris Graham. No, what's the Mr. personality? Doug Matthews says that I think that he came in when he came in his suit that he was also checking out body, you know,

we're reading body language and everybody at least passed the eye test, right? Because they did, they really had no idea. But they're trying to discover just to restate for the audience that this humongous game, the McDonald's Monopoly game,

the FBI at this point is basically has discovered or is it in the process of at least partially discovering that there are no legit winners of big prizes. So like free coax and stuff. Yeah. But the big money prizes are being

stolen. And at this point, early on in this investigation, they have to figure out is because they don't know to what degree this this conspiracy, you know, how big it is, they have to look at these McDonald's corporate people

and be like, are are they a part of it? Is it in at McDonald's, you know, the whole thing, like I was saying, but right before we started recording, the thing about this series is that it is really like a fun crime caper, like has that

Ocean's Eleven, you know, these guys are, they're stealing, but you don't, you know, they're stealing from a corporation, not that it's like justified, but you don't feel like it's going to be a depressing story. It's like, it gets more and more outrageous. The characters are spectacular, real

people. And every episode that that passes, it's like another twist and turn comes that you didn't expect. It's like a fun thing to watch. Yeah, it was a big thank you. Yeah. It was at first you look

at it and you see like it's not about a mass murderer. It's not about, like, somebody wrongfully jailed for 25 years. Right. So there is that the latitude to where you don't want to do like six episodes of like, here's the dungeon I slept in. Oh, Christ, I know.

Yeah. Well, you know, we, we're also big fan of that style of a show or that style of a movie. And the stories that we heard, I mean, when we talked about, I mean, we talked about recreations for the series early on, that was part of our initial pitch. Yeah, it was immediate.

And it's, everything is so cinematic within the story. It was like, basically, somebody wrote this, but it actually happened in real life and you can't, there are no cameras inside of an FBI office or in McDonald's. But the story is so fascinating. You needed to live that

moment where the FBI agents are sitting there with McDonald's and Doug walks into that gold suit. Yeah. Not nearly as entertaining if just Doug's just sitting there telling it and laughing at himself. Yes. Although still mildly entertaining. Yes. But we, we also know it was a bit of a experiment

and it was kind of risky to ride that line of humor and seriousness. Like, even when we were pitching, we told HBO, this is, there's a lot of humor here. And they were definitely an incredible network and partner to have throughout. But there was

definitely that, like, how's this going to be funny? Right. And until they saw it, until they realized, like, oh my gosh, like, you know, Doug is a phenomenal character, but just the style and approach, we hadn't seen that done in a true crime series before. Yeah. Well, the subject

matter allows you guys to be funny too, right? Yeah. It's like, if it was, like, a docu-series about a bunch of kidnappings, it's like, you know, they might be like dial down the funny. Yeah, it's a monopoly game. Yeah. You know, I was just thinking though at that FBI thing you were talking about when they take them into the room and they close

the door, I feel like I would give off tells, even though I wasn't guilty, because I feel guilty going through TSA. You know, you're like, maybe there is something, right? Like, I feel guilty no matter what. When I landed in Singapore, when I was doing that Asian tour a few years ago,

we flew from Hong Kong and they gave us a heads up, like, before they're like Singapore does not fuck around at all. And you're like, okay, and they're like, no, they put people to death, you know, for any type of drug offense. And I'm in that line and I know I don't have drugs on me and I

start just like emptying my backpack before I get to the front, because I'm like what if there's like a joint that I forget about or an edible or something and they're like, they will hang you. They'll hang you here for that. And it was like that built in and I kept digging through the backpack, just trying

to, like, I know there's something. And I'm sure if they were like watching me and I'm like, what the fuck is up with this guy? But, you know, they do that. I know. And I go out of my way when I go through TSA to look casual. Sometimes I'm like, act cool, Christina. I'm like, there's nothing in your bag. There isn't anything in my bag.

Really good? Yeah, I'm such a dork. Hey guys. How much money, what's the most amount somebody stole from that game? It was just a game. Individually, you could only do a million dollars. There was talk of, in the last episode,

and one of them there's talk of at some point a five million dollar game piece, but there's nothing we've seen about that. But a million dollars and there would be multiples every single time they ran the game. So without giving the super, whatever details

we can't reveal until this is, episode five is just aired, okay? Four. No, five, four when this comes out. Oh, right. Just kidding. So without giving out anything that you can't give out,

how many years was there never a legit big, big winner? Well, so the game started in 1987. In 1989 was the first winner who we could find, who was

Marvin Braun, who claimed a piece legitimately with Jerry Jacobson. So from 1987 until 2001, and there's kind of this gray area somewhere in between 1987. 1989, right?

So, in 1987, you said 87. So, 89 was the first stolen piece and was 25,000 dollars. And then, that was basically a proof of concept. And after that, that's when every big winner. So this is a really interesting thing.

The FBI couldn't prove that people were stealing the entire time, but that's because certain key people that were involved with this died. So there are people who have won that possibly were part of this, but never got busted.

At the same time, there are people who could have won in that time who were completely legitimate. There's no way of knowing. You know what I'm wondering is McDonald's gave us 2.3 million, and we had to give it back. Do you think that

Yeah, they didn't know that? Did they have to give back the money that they stole from the game pieces? Because they wanted their money back real fast when we got fired. We're not sure how you guys handled your legal You might have had a great attorney. There's actually a lot of contracts. We shouldn't really keep talking about it.

But Yes, in this case oftentimes with white collar cases whether you plead or you're found guilty You gotta give that money back. What happens obviously I'm just curious if this

passes on to your necks of If a person wins in this scenario and dies, does the government go after the family? Is that what happens in that scenario? We could call up Mark Devereaux

and find out for sure. It's an interesting question because it's really based on what you stole and not what you actually received. For example there were people involved in this and we explained this in episode 6

but let's say you gave 10 people a million dollar winning game pieces. You personally only got dollars from selling those pieces off. You're responsible for 10 million. What? Wait, why? Explain that.

Well this is a question more for the Department of Justice but Do you have a million dollar piece? Sometimes they negotiate it down. In every case for this they'd negotiate it down

but potentially it's sort of like the maximum sentencing for fraud in this case is like 5 years in prison. You could be on the hook for the full amount it just depends on how cooperative you were that they're willing to work a deal

but it's the idea that I think when we were talking to Devereaux it's really designed to be a deterrent so a lot of people in white collar cases don't go to prison for a long period of time but you are financially screwed for the rest of your life

and this is one way to do that. I have a better question which is why steal million dollar pieces and give them to somebody else? Keep it for yourself, suck it? You can't claim it over and over. So one main person is taking it

but he couldn't keep doing it also. Amateur criminal over here. Sorry guys, but then he gets a kick back. Correct. Did you find, because I've found this from watching this series and maybe you experienced this when you're making it especially is that you start to play

those lifelong hypotheticals in your mind about what would I do in the right circumstances and I felt like a certain you know what people are doing, what some of these people are doing is wrong but

something about the way the story comes out and getting to it's not a mugshot, you're hearing someone speak you start to empathize with them a little bit like, oh man, I know this is wrong but I feel I almost feel badly for you, for some of them

because I believe that some of them weren't bad people but the temptation of that much money in that moment was too much. That was a big theme throughout it is just sometimes good people make bad decisions

and you don't realize that some decision can lead to being a federal criminal. It seems very very harmless on the surface. Because I think most of us if you, you know, like right now you have careers and you're established and you know

you don't need that that chip or whatever that piece of paper to get that but like there's certainly a week, a month, a year in your life where somebody approaches you and they go like you want a part of this and you're like yeah man

that would be amazing. Well think about it too, this was in the 90's and prior to 9-11 I think we all saw our lives in this country a little bit different. We were far less skeptical than we are today just the information super age

that we're in, we're privy to so much more that we were back then and if a friend or family member came to you with the opportunity to win a million dollars to say you're the one who claim you're the one who peel this off a game piece

like no one's looking at those games I actually phrased incorrectly, I'm trying to think of like the four years where I wouldn't participate yeah, same. 2008, the year we got married and we had like no money in the rampart division yeah, someone offered this to me, I'd be like

Tommy take it. You don't have to kill anybody you don't have to kidnap, yeah McDonald's, they've got money somebody has to win anyway I mean you look at that great show Locked Up Abroad, it's one of my favorite shows yeah, because you know hey man, at 19 years old

I didn't have a dime, I wanted to travel if someone was like just take this bag of whatever to Turkey or back from this country, you may I may have done that too in the 90's like... We have an extra hole in you now for sure Turkish prisons, no joke

no, it's no joke to dehumanize the criminal element because oftentimes if you think of this when we were talking about the story, it's like oh, a syndicate, right? All these people involved with the conspiracy, over 50 people were involved across 23 states

so that's a large amount of people and you have to consider that that was like an enterprise like some sophisticated, intelligent criminal ring and it really wasn't that, there were just people who were, how did they get away

with that for so long? I'm sure you answer this in the but what's the short form summary of how this was able to be well, diversification right, so Jerry Jacobson was diversifying

not only his recruiters but his winners and nobody really knew too much about who else he was dealing with so for instance, AJ Glom who is in episode 4 he was the drug runner

who went on the run he had the previous criminal past and a phenomenal character and joined us for our last podcast he was responsible for 10 million dollar winners wow

but he didn't know that Jerry was doing any other tickets with anybody else he thought that was it he knew that Jerry had done this in the past but he didn't know that there were actively other recruiters doing the same exact thing and it's a victim, isn't it a victimless crime?

I mean, who are you ripping off? McDonald's, a huge corporation you're not taking food out of baby's mouths but you're thinking like a real criminal now I'm on board now now I'm pro stealing from McDonald's it definitely looks like a victimless crime and to think like

somebody had to win, all they're doing is redirecting who wins and they're taking a little kickback for it other than a sensational story does the federal government think that that's a worthwhile pursuit of the time and resources to solve a case like this?

it's a great story is that worth it to them to bust this? it was because basically any sort of plan to defraud other people with property or money is a fraud

eventually you start to see in episode 5 and then you really hammer home the scope of the amount of people that were involved but 53 people were indicted 53 people so this is like taking down a mafia family exactly

they didn't know as they were doing it was anybody in McDonald's so the FBI was doing healthcare fraud cases that was their primary fraud that was happening at that time in the country and so if you think about fraud boring

of course it's boring you're talking about stealing money from corporations from businesses they're also the tax implication of what that means to steal and across state lines

there's nobody else who can actually stop somebody so how do you deter people from committing fraud even medical fraud with doctors and pharmaceutical companies who were

committing even to this day the amount of money that's actually being spent tax wise Mark Devereaux was talking about this most recently to us half of what's being spent in the pharmaceutical industry

is going to fraud we just don't know about it how do you catch people you try to deter them by catching other people and locking them up fraud is a big deal and if you turn your back to it

it gets rampant and it's constantly shifting the main thing that all these people got busted for was mail fraud and wire fraud I think like well why those are very broad terms

but fraud changes so much what fraud is today with what you can do online and what you can do with computers completely different than it was 25 years ago and you can't the government can't keep up with changing laws for very specific things

so they say alright well where's the money going how's it getting to places and then are you utilizing the US mail so interesting that the deterrent works so by making an example of the bad guys so we should be doing this on everything else like for theft

we should be rounding up those thieves cutting their hands off in public letting everybody see bring the kids around in Saudi Arabia it works really well it works really well there China too they don't have they don't have a lot of drug dealers there they don't have them in the Philippines

because they put a bullet in their head that's what I'm saying it doesn't work for drug dealing in the US what about child molesting I think we should round them up and cut their wieners off in public is anybody opposed to that that would be a good deterrent

at least for some that's strong enough for others there's some crazy people out there in the world I am learning that the older I get would you like to see some what a perfect segue did you write that

what do you want to see well I imagine that you are Brian let them put the crazies on please play us some crazy I mean there's all kinds of stuff I can show you here isn't that literally what tiktok is just that if you're going to go ahead and bring them up

I guess we'll pull out the tiktoks where are you on the talk I literally just got into it because one of the PR people from HBO is obsessed with it and she's like you have to get into it it's so new

I just really want the name that I want to select in case it gets popular and it's the new instagram I have a good handle now well tell you what go to at the Christina P and look at my stories I curate the finest talks in the business it'll get you a nice leg up on how this app works

I was crying about your time I love you do not let me please I love you that's something that appears on Christina's phone and she thinks that's my feed

let me share that look for real all I'm saying is that if your coochies think his pet is small y'all belong together y'all are fishing shrimp basket

that's science I believe that's science what do you think of her Tom? uh dig her eyebrows I think you should try to go as her for Halloween oh my god that's a really good idea

I can I'm halfway there you already have the lipstick well I just have to shave my eyebrows and pencil in a line you can probably do the prosthetic cover up like so oh my god I do look a lot like her I should not be thicker than my eyebrows

which I didn't realize so I hope in this video that my eyebrows look better did you hear that? that your eyebrows shouldn't be thinner than your eyeliner that's a good rule of thumb could be our next t-shirt

really cool find it kind of is that was a good one I just want all the lesbians gold stars to stop that's just really a misogyny it's biophobic, it's transphobic it doesn't mean anything, it doesn't make you any gayer

Virginia doesn't exist and it's heteronormative as hell did you get that? you know heteronormative is a new term I've never heard of well so are all those other things you want to break that one down? so what she's saying is do you know what a gold star lesbian is?

uh yes it's where lesbians never had a penis inside their vagina and they're considered a gold star you weren't defiled by a disgusting male penis that makes a lot of sense so she's saying to call yourself a gold star is essentially misogynistic

because it's heteronormative you're defining it in the patriarch and virginity doesn't exist and virginity doesn't exist gender doesn't exist, all kinds of cool things you can learn watching this show there is no objective reality is anybody like Darth Vader

what are you doing? uh this is Cody uh I want to meet the real Vader dark vader thanks baby he wants to meet dark vader do you guys know dark vader?

babe what are you doing? he wants to meet dark vader you guys are in show business do you know dark vader? hey I'm going to skip this one let's go to the next one baby I didn't mean to do this please call me

I didn't mean to do this I don't know why you're so mad at me I love you I apologize he likes this one I want to know so bad what happened? what did he do? okay so this is the second one in the series

that I've discovered there's a few other things I'd like to point out A, he does understand how this app works it's not a private message so this is made public and B, if you'll notice he's very her suit you'll notice there's hair follicles

on the bridge of his nose go ahead and zoom in and you'll see the hair on the bridge of his nose so he's done something wrong and he is repenting now to the public the next video I believe is another confessional go ahead and cue that at time Jesus Christ

baby call me please I said you're right awake and everything but you're not calling me or at least text me let me know what you're doing okay I love you look at this

first of all, who gave him the idea to trim his beard? I was thinking too it should be all or nothing I mean, just here yeah, bizarre I feel kind of bad no, you're supposed to feel good when you watch oh, you don't feel better now?

wait a minute, have you guys ever made an apology video like this to a girlfriend? no not that anybody will ever see have you gotten them personally? videos will not in this era no I've gotten music

I've had people writing songs I had an apology song one time that was nice I played a song over the phone one time not to me I love you I mean okay

he would write me a letter from a hotel stationery and it'll be like I made all the farts today I browned in the toilet and he would mail it to you basically like snail mail stuff one time I did it the hotel had a typewriter

I think I threatened violence in it too yeah, typical but that's typical I met her she saved me just in time from when I probably would have started sending dick pics I've never sent a dick pic

and I'm sure if it were like a few years later I'd be like I got a bunch of dick pics out there so Tom sends me dick pics of his? no, not of his anyone else's randomly

I sent him the one that you sent to Leigh Ann and everything the coronavirus one I sent that to him do you know that that ended up ruining Leigh Ann's life? so our friend Burt she sent it to the wife too and the wife was

on a flight and was trying to open it and couldn't so she copied and sent it to her softball moms like the softball kids too and then she sent it to her daughters she was like y'all gotta watch out so this was a total text that read

like hey by the way coronavirus is here which is now going to be real but at the time we were like well and it's like news and it specified like what area of Los Angeles we lived and so I'm thinking like oh there's reports of

virus here like nearby so of course I click on it because it comes from you but I'm definitely not thinking that it's a gag and it was this lady sent it to her 12 and 15 year old daughter and it was a big

guy with a huge dog oh you sent that to me I did and we should point something out we should point something out it was not hard they don't all look like that no no this came from

Josh Adam Myers and now it's all the way into your world how funny is this thanks Josh Adam Myers for ruining everybody's life so what ended up happening with this whole softball team she said that when she landed because he was sitting next to her she goes oh something must have happened I got a bunch of text messages

and then she said she opened the messages and they were like oh my god that's so scary and the next one said like I think I experienced that in college and then people she was like what and then her husband was like I think you maybe need to check out

so she immediately called her daughters and then one of them was like that's gross and the other one was like I didn't even open it yeah coming from for me it's coming from my cousin you but it's you know comedy

comes in many forms and that was a big form big one alright outlaws listen up what makes you all think we're related no no stop this let me see this

listen here mother fuckers you've done pissed me the fuck off and I'm already in a bad goddamn mood today well little advice to those that think we're cousins no the fuck we're not I'm not related to her I'm no kin to her and if you keep the shit up

I'm calling the fucking CEO and every one of y'all's little goddamn accounts are getting shut down do I make myself clear just FYI he's Cherokee I'm not native you have a loud mouth well secrets out

fuck with us and watch what happens to your accounts goodbye so they got sick of people saying like why are you fucking your cousin and he's gonna call Mr. Tiktok himself the CEO of the internet he knows who that guy is

CEO of the internet true so Bri Bri you grew up with a young Tom Seguera was he always a degenerate or did this happen later how was Tom when he was little the audience

needs to know so Tom had always liked to make fun of people yeah even since we were kids and we would be sitting across from each other and he's just like look at that idiot who just walked in the door but he would use other adjectives

and you know descriptors and I'm like Tom like that guy can hear you and he was like I'll give a fuck like and he it was almost like you wanted to get beat up but he never did and I think also in high school he would do this and because Tom was so big like nothing threatened Tom

that gave you your I think they called that bullying that sounds like air is a term because he would never do it to their face you know he was very nice very nice to everybody but like when if we were talking he'd love to talk shit about other people

dude but I think it was an exercise see if I could get you to laugh that's really what it was but dude that's like the foundation of our marriage and this podcast that's what we do all day I think it was also he liked to make me uncomfortable he knew that

I would start to get all squeamish and he was like that's the fun it was fun because you're definitely more sensitive empathetic towards other people's feelings and like you're nice

we grew up he and I were like every day every day together we spent a lot of time together we did school and playing after school going on family trips I actually was just talking about how your folks

came over to my house on a weekend a few weeks ago recently I had never experienced the onslaught of questions that I heard from your mother in such a compressed time in such a short period of time

and so my mom is Tom is Chado's sister and they are their fart buddies like they are what do you feel when you first saw this what? that was the best moment yeah

do you remember when you first saw it? I think I watched it like 10 times in a row weren't you kind of like someone's finally captured what we've been seeing for our lives the thing is my mom at this point is hard of hearing the industrial strength

hearing aids to actually hear so she will rip them and she thinks that they're silent nobody can hear them she doesn't hear them and she also has no control she doesn't know they just happen and it's like

I couldn't stop that from happening but the two of them together they are inseparable and they think alike and they fart all day long they fart a lot they both fart like that level I've not heard Blanca fart like this

the smell though, that's the thing too you can't pick that up in a video I'm sure you were gagging at the same time that you were laughing so with her I feel like sometimes they're that loud and there's nothing and then the very next fart

is silent or even half as long you're like oh it's a mini one I mean their insides are rotting for sure, they're in their 70s and the older you get the worse your farts smell don't you think? it's a build up

let's ask Dr. Drew about this the older you get your mouth smells worse the older you get that's for sure your ears grow, your nose grows and your breath gets worse especially in an older man's mouth the decay is real

yeah every time I see my dad hey man open your mouth again I feel like those bats are going to fly out it looks terrible what what did you brush your teeth? go back dad mouth

now your dad nice mouth but speaking of this what you guys make your series I feel like it also touches on the thing when we were kids and playing this game it's almost like it's almost like a kids opportunity

to get involved with a big prize like the lottery bingo and your dad has the itch to be involved in anything where there's a prize more so than anybody in my life

and from my perspective I don't know if you feel the same way is like the lucky guy the guy who it's kind of astonishing when you break it down right

talk about your dad's luck yeah so you grew up with me so my dad won the Ohio lottery in 1984 and at the time it was only 20 year payouts

and it wasn't as much as the lottery is now so it was the equivalent of 90,000 a year so after taxes it's like 60 that was huge by the way we were so young when you

hear it we were just like uncle Dave won the lottery you're a gazillionaire so growing up there was always that don't ever talk to anybody about it don't tell people at school that this happened

he started his business like building products and he never went to college so this was like his opportunity to actually apply some of that money towards his future you know we didn't really have

like a fancy house I know that we did a fancy vacation every year and you would come along with us but I don't know if you even know this story but within a year of my dad winning one of his friends said hey

let me shake your hand I want some of that luck and so my dad shook his hand and that week that guy won 9 million dollars in the lottery what? did you know that story? I do know

I do remember that in the subsequent years he also won a number of raffles one of which he won a home in oh my god and then our parents really into cruises

and say they would always go on these cruises and on the cruises they have a casino that opens up once you hit certain miles offshore because they're always going to the Caribbean cruises dude all the time it felt like every other time they would go on a vacation

I would go how was your trip and my parents would be like this great oh Dave won in the casino and we're talking about slot machines now hold on does he put in a ton of money in the slot machines how much is he spending to make? he has a system for sure

he has his own unspoken but he would hit regularly like 10, 20 all the time all the time didn't he win some other? he won the lottery again he won like 125,000 twice in his life

he's won a major there's growing up one of the luckiest people I mean personally no but that degree of luck I think plays very much into it's definitely not something

we've talked about we've talked about it ourselves but not publicly or anything the idea that you could be that lucky and win something obviously I think all the time

is that Jean gonna be passed on to me did it ever pass on to me and I've played the lottery a couple of times in my life and have never won do you feel like you have the bug to play more though? do you think you have that? not really

so I don't like gambling Brian's big gambler you never struck me as a gambler but you do strike me as wanting to buy the raffle tickets well yes I've definitely

what is the Special Olympics win the house raffle I've done that a couple of years but I've never obviously I didn't get anything the odds of at least winning something even if it's like a notepad are pretty good and I haven't even won that

so I don't really think of it as one day I'll have a chance I actually stopped playing the lottery although occasionally my mother-in-law plays the same numbers every week

very religious about it it's not a matter of if it's a matter of win she plays it every week same numbers we'll see if that ever happens but the chances are it's pretty small

I went through a phase when I was 19 I was convinced I was going to win the money to get an Escalade for whatever loving hip hop music all I thought about was like man the Montell Jordan video has new Escalade I need that shit

but outside of that I just love craps do you have an Escalade now? I didn't get to achieve my dream you can get it now speaking of winning you guys got some prizes for these not for McDonald's

but for you because of our past relationship they're technically HBO branded and I can wear these oh my gosh so exciting thank you winning these are dope

love it you look great we all have that in us the ability to win the lottery the desire to win winning from nothing or for a dollar there's nothing else in life

where you could spend a dollar and walk away with like a hundred million dollars dude I remember when we were on vacation and I won bingo oh shit that's true and you were with my dad and I was with your dad and I was with all of you

and I won and I thought I was nine I thought I was set for life so they gave me like in 20s and I was like what the fuck man and I remember we went back to the room there's 200 dollars your mom was like

hey you have to share with your cousin what the fuck and I was like how much I forget what it was but it was like split it up my empire it's a no communist country I wonder if we have that on video

we might even have that on video I forgot about that so we were with my dad he wins bingo in this big we were on vacation and there was this big dinner bingo thing and then we were on a family

vacation with my dad and my wife Iris played bingo who's been on where my mom's at by the way check her out and she won seven thousand dollars what did I tell you we didn't make her chop it up

you're like where's my cut let's go actually we did well no we didn't make her chop it up but there was a sense of obligation because I think my parents had wanted to treat us

to it was a week long cruise and we had never done they were into the whole cruising thing we have not done one since and so she wanted to divvy it up give them a little bit

and also at the time I think her brother was in need of some cash and so she gave them this would have been a totally different scenario if this guy had won it would have been like fuck I can't even

list the number of places with my dad where you would have that degree of luck some people have it I feel like this episode really painted me as a childhood bully no but here's a deal man

I found out I was kind of a bully as a kid too because I used to make fun of other children and then Dr. Drew was like but I want to be clear I did not go and like punk kids out what I would do is wait till they were gone and then talk about them and make fun of them

especially if something really stood out wrong with them you were practicing material I remember one time in Florida we went to Denny's in the middle of the night and we were with

I think your friend Ramon and so we walk in and just out of the blue I think we're trying to get a table and you're like well do you know who that guy is and the server

do you remember the story the server the host at the time was like no he's famous he's an Olympic champion and you were building him up and they were all excited like we had an Olympic champion sitting at and then they gave us free stuff

and then they didn't bother to ask and then at a certain point you were like oh yeah for table tennis and like I couldn't keep a straight face and this was well before you were yeah yeah sure but you had the funny bug

it was fun to get them to be so excited but I guess that was harmless it was nice you were also trying to do something nice for your friend make him feel special all I'm saying is by today's standards

all these cry baby snowflakes would be like oh he's a bully he's a bully bs cry baby it would be totally different back then you were just noticing other people's weaknesses and explaining them to get kids to laugh

but why was I doing that because I was new and I wanted kids to like me and that's what we do on this show so I don't remember this but Tom apparently was like really shy really early on we did

live next door to each other for many years but I think before we were 2 or 3 we lived 10 minutes away from each other and when I moved next door to him and we were like 3 and a half or 4 years old do you remember

your parents telling the story of how you would take you decided to take me to every neighbor's house and like ring the doorbell and say this is my cousin you don't remember this story he's blocked that out that's just years of therapy

you brought back, thanks that sounds really sweet though he's proud of you being there this is my cousin we're going to get married one day I wanted to show you that you gave Christina gloves but I also have gloves

these are called hander pants they're underwear for your hands and they're great for night logging or podcasting you have to wear them they cut down on your hands I feel so much better when I wear them man I'm jealous I want to wear my hander pants

over my gloves have you worn those out in public yet? of course driving? they help for driving sometimes the steering wheel slips and you're like fuck you need grip on your hander pants

like yoga toes pilates that's really cool can I try one on? over? over my regular pants that's like super girl

it's like dumb and dumber see how much drier this hand is now? now you can write look at the grip before it's like oh fuck that feels right oh fuck and then I go like this and it's dry as a bone

wait before we go because obviously everybody knows to watch Mcmillions on HBO and I'm sure if you've missed you can see it on demand or HBO Go which are fantastic you also

we've been lucky enough to just be here but you guys have been releasing podcast episodes to support each episode of the series what's covered in the podcast we'll find it the podcast is

so you can find the Mcmillions podcast on Apple Podcasts Spotify, YouTube, the HBO No and Go apps everywhere where podcasts are available so the big thing for us was the story is gargantuan it spans 12 years

the 53 people that were indicted across 23 states there's a lot within it there were a ton of stories that within the show they were either they were really interesting but not vital pieces of information or just

really cool things that we thought people would want to know about so we went to HBO and said hey what do you guys think about doing a podcast where we can add these things in and then also there's so much information that the people that were in this whole situation like the criminal side

and the FBI side that they wouldn't know until watching the show and have those people on and talk to them about what they've learned from watching the show the FBI agents even say to us like Chris Graham who is the squad chief of the white collar crime squad talks about how we know

10 times more than they ever knew because all they do is figure out what they need to get convictions and then arrest and then convictions for us we can dive into the back story of everything they didn't know the whole thing with Gloria Brown and what she went through so to be able to get those reactions of

on another level for people involved with the story especially the investigators it's got to be fascinating for them to watch this and to reveal all the little details that maybe they didn't have time or access to a big thing that

episode 5 has the crazy fact story about the FBI and knowing it just from the criminal side of how close they could have come to just blowing the entire investigation right before all of the arrests and it's just a fascinating

thing to understand the podcast has evolved a little bit because we always looked at it as this was where we could play our deleted scenes that didn't make the show we could dive deeper into some of the interviews

deep dive we're not supposed to say that we were saying it too much in the podcast like our producer was like exactly and we were very fortunate

to make this series as unknown directors prior to this without a track record of directing a feature unrealistic ideas which is Mark Wahlberg Steven Levinson and Archie to their credit

when we teamed up with them to go out to HBO supporting us as directors as unknowns and the vision that we had for it because you don't really see that too often where an unknown director has the chance to direct a series

you see it in the feature world a bit more so that was a huge thing for us and we've had their support and HBO support for the series and then the podcast was not only designed to be a place for all these extra

things but really it's kind of evolved more into the character study of some of these people because characters are what we feel make stories interesting like you can have an interesting story but if you have a dull character

like no one's going to watch it and there's only so much time that we could fit into talking about who these characters are within the body of the series and so that's kind of one of the ways that we've been able to explore a little bit deeper and we've had some, you know, every subject that we've

had on every podcast is great we should also mention that. Yes, go ahead something happening. Well, you know, after next week which is the finale episode episode 6 there'll be an episode 6 podcast but

we've been talking about doing a bonus episode podcast episode with a very special host because James and I we had never done this before the podcast world

and we can talk I know you don't like to admit how green we were in doing this but I know we were totally. But this was a bit of an experiment for us and we didn't know if people would actually want to listen to it or like it

but it's hard for us to just talk to each other all the time because we don't talk to each other like, Brian, so how do you feel about getting lunch right now? But we always wanted

somebody who could come on and be an outside voice, outside perspective to, you know, if not host the entire podcast series at least to do the bonus episode and there's a phenomenal

guest who is actually going to host do you know who it is, Christina? You don't? A bonus episode? Oh my god, it's a very special guest. What? I'm having chest pain! It's me. Wow!

You're kidding! Congratulations, this is huge. I am the guest host with the bonus episode. I'll make millions. HBO is very happy with the choice. I love it! We fought tooth and nail.

We're able to make it happen. I can't wait to hear it. I'm excited to do it. I'm also excited to see what you guys do next. You just wet everyone's beaks so you're going to have to

give us a new series soon. We're working on it. We've got some things and some cooking. We'll leave it at that. Check out McMillions on HBO. On Demand, HBO Go.

HBO Your Mom. And then check out the McMillions podcast everywhere that podcasts are available. Did they do the thing where they put the audio on the YouTube feed as well? You can go to YouTube and click on it and listen to it.

You can even do it through the app that you watch the show. That's phenomenal. Do you have the podcasting bug? Are you guys going to become podcasters now? It's pretty cool. It's nice to be able to turn around something really fast.

To do a show took us a year and a half to do the thing. It's great to be able to do it and then be done in a couple days. Pretty awesome. Thank you guys. Congratulations. Thank you so much.

We're back again this week with Mark. You got it? You got it I got it I got it I got it I got it

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