Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 545 - Tommy Lee & Brittany Furlan - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: April 1, 2020

Due to their inability to do stand-up, the Mommies have come up with some other ways to “scratch the itch,” which leads to a discussion about Tom’s “type.” Not type of woman to be with, a different type... We have more neighbor fights to look at. The Mommies discuss the meme that is getting everybody through this whole situation. Plus, the “ele-men-tary” debate has new legs and an RPC update! Tommy Lee is an international superstar and drummer for Motley Crüe. Brittany Furlan is a social media influencer and the two happen to be married. First things first, we need to hear about that hog. Tommy Lee has lived many of our dreams, but does it get boring? We learn how wild the partying got and talk about the infamous tape with Pam Anderson. Plus, a mother/daughter contest that won Tommy a few thousand dollars. SPONSORS: - Get $5 off your first order on DoorDash of $15 or more when you download the app and use code MOM - Go to Stamps.com, click on the Microphone at the TOP of the homepage and type in MOM for a 4-week trial PLUS free postage AND a digital scale without any long-term commitment. - Get 20% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/MOM

Go to MerchMethod.com slash Tom Segure and get that deal. The government is trying to stop you, but you just got to do you, God. All right, story time. All right, we're back. Another episode of Your Mom's House. I want to be real clear. This recording was done way before you're hearing this. The reason is we don't know how far or to what extent the lockdown will go.

There's new restrictions every day right now. You're hearing this probably about 10, 12 days after we're recording it. I want to make that clear so that when you go like, hey, how come they haven't talked about all the bodies in the streets? You know why. Tom. Tom. Hey, I stepped over 100 bodies today.

Tom. Hey, what about the surprise vaccine that they've discovered? Hey, the surprise vaccine that makes your eyes melt. Forgot about that. So yeah, that's what's going on. We are, we're so wanting to do just more and more podcasts because, I mean, A, we love doing podcasts. B, we've never had a mandated like forced stop to stand up, which feels so weird.

So it has been already about a week or 10 days, something like that since I've done stand up and it's going to be, it's going to end up being at least six or eight weeks. Very weird. At least. I don't know. Right. Well, when I went on maternity leave, I didn't do it for a while. That's right.

So I'm used to kind of, you'll be surprised. It's like riding a bike. You'll be offered. I know I'll be able to do it again. I mean, I just feel like, you know, I think my long, my record for not doing stand up since I've started doing stand up is somewhere under three weeks. Wow. You know, I've never gone over that.

What happens after three weeks? No, I just, I've never had that type of, I think I've gone on vacation and then, you know, had a break and it went like two and a half weeks or something, but I've never had it go. I mean, you feel kind of odd, you know, that you just feel kind of, you know, you feel like you, you're missing something, right? Yeah. It feels like a big part of our lives is just extracted right now.

Yeah. It's such a huge part of our, how we communicate with the world and now I don't, I can't tell somebody a joke about retarded people. I can't talk about shitting in front of three or 400 people at a time. It's very damaging to me. I think you know what it is. I just realized I always wanted to be, but I never became the guy who's like, I like working out, but I've never been the guy who's like, if I don't work out, then I can't

get, I can't, so there are those people, you know, like they have to run 10 miles a day. I think standup is a thing where if I go more than a certain period of time, I really feel lost in the world. Yeah. I think I agree with you there. So that's the part that's strange to me. You know what it is for me? It's I think of a release valve of all my juvenile pent-up-ness, like it's a way to

release all those feelings I don't know what to do with and like it's a form of rebellion. I'm rebelling against society. I'm sticking it to the man and then if I don't have that, it's like, where do I get that from? I'm going to have to start having online affairs or like fetishes or something. Yeah. I need that zing in life. Where's the zing going to come from?

Well, there does have, there's also this sense that the purge is real. You know that movie where they're like, oh, one day a year, you can keep in all the crimes you want. Yeah. And I've thought about this would be an amazing time to, you know, follow a woman around, grab her, put her in a car, take her somewhere, do things, you know? Like what? Stuff?

Things that kind of happen in my head. Is that your deepest, darkest fantasy is stealing a woman off the streets and then? I mean, it's kind of surface level, honestly. I wouldn't see you as that. I saw you more as a rageful person where you would want to club somebody to death at random. Oh, no, that's fair. Yeah.

Like I feel like that's, I don't think your darkest is stealing somebody raping. I do feel like you're more of a beating person. You kill maim. Yeah. Well, you can combine different fantasies. A woman because a woman is so helpless is that a physically against you, you don't want the challenge of another male. Oh, no, no, no, because I feel like seeing the fear in her eyes has got to be such a rush.

You know? Yeah. I do think about that when I think about why they murder because I'm like, I kind of get it because it's the ultimate thrill. It's the ultimate. There's nothing better, I imagine, than murdering somebody. There's no rush like that, like jumping out of an airplane and moving to shit. That's why you're chasing that dragon for a laugh because you do it and you're like,

that felt amazing. But I also feel like the thing that I would really get off on is like, you know, seeing how scared she is, knowing she's never going to get away, knowing it's going to be, and then going, you know what, I go, I kind of been thinking about it. I really feel badly for what I did. And I'm going to let you go and seeing her being like, oh my God, you're right, and I'm not going to tell anybody. I'm like, all right, so you promise not to tell anybody.

And she's like, I promise. I go, all right, I'm going to let you go. And she goes, thank you. And then I go, I'm just kidding. I'm not going to let you go. And then you really give it to her. Yeah. And then, oh, then you bring out the bat.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know what I heard is that serial killers, once they kill, it satiates that rage for like a decade. Sometimes. Sometimes they get really full of love inside. It fills their heart with joy for so long. It's true.

So is that what you need? Like once a decade, you do something like this? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I'm thinking, I think I got to take it for a spin and see whether it suits me. You know? I think this is the time to do it.

When you have this type of panic, you have this distraction. You have people, you know, and here's the thing. If somebody doesn't see somebody now for a while, who's going to notice? Everyone's at home. That's true. Quarantine. That's smart. It's not like they're going to be like, Susan didn't show up to work today.

Well, plus there is no work. That's right. And there's no internet spotty. So like, oh, we texted her back. Oh, she hasn't texted. So a lot of people have it. I might be able to snag a couple chicks right now. You know, you're absolutely right because I think what's so terrifying for me when I

go to New York City, like, I'll look out of my hotel room and I'll just see all these windows of all these buildings and who knows who's trapped inside. Like, people get just taken and dragged into these weird rooms in New York City. I'm telling you, if I go through with something like that, you're going to never understand how I've gotten such a good mood. Like you're going to be like, Jesus, man, you're skipping around that house. Is he having an affair? No.

No. He just murdered. He kidnapped. Oh, Jesus. How kind of a woman are you going to kidnap? What kind? What's your ideal? Because every serial killer has a type.

That's true. Brunettes. Are we doing blondes? Are we doing Latin skinny women with big tits who constantly rag on you? Is that kind of the vibe? I'm like a Peruvian woman who farts in front of sinks. That kind of energy. I feel like the thing is, too, like, I don't know if I want to get the girl who I feel

like has that submissive kind of, you know, kowtow nature who's like, whether that's a thrill or get like a real bitchy type who it's more fun to poke and kind of prod against. Interesting. Somebody like, somebody like mommy, maybe, with a little sass to her. Who's laughing now, mom? Let's see if I can change her nature a little bit. Yeah. Who's farting now?

And then you just hold her down. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I'm trying to find the light in this dark time, and I think I found it. I feel like I'm seeing that light at the end of the tunnel now. I'm trying to think of who I would want to murder. Like is there a specific person?

No, I don't have a person that I want to murder, but I do. Who deserves it? Hard to say. Wait, but who's your type again? You don't want to submissive, you want to bitch, but physically, who's your type? Well, to kidnap, I think, I mean, you know, by nature, it's easier to hurt brunettes, but I feel like. By nature, it's easier to hurt brunettes.

Yeah. Why? Just because. But I mean. Why? What's your thinking there? No, I mean, you know, no one really likes them, so I feel like it's easier. You feel like brunettes are second-class citizens, and they deserve to be hurt a little?

Come on, babe. But I feel like because the blondes have that elitist aloof quality to them, then it might be more of a thrill to hurt them, you know, because they go, oh, I'm blond, and then you go, shut up. You know? Okay. You guys heard it here. So in case I disappear, this is evidence.

The police can look at this, and I baited you just then to get you to admit your type. This could be my mugshot right here. But seriously, though, in this, so happy, but in this time of quarantine and unsettled ness, a lot of people are taking stock of their lives and thinking and reevaluating. Is there, have you had any internal vision quests, if you will? Yeah. Any internal, besides the wanting to murder, that's very clear now. I was thinking about getting a boat.

Yeah. We're back to the boat thoughts, huh? Boat thoughts. What kind of a boat? Just a, you know, 100 foot Hatteras or something, Sunseeker, and just, yeah, just go out there and live out in the ocean, learn to dive. That's the last thing you would do is diving. I can't think of something I want to learn less than diving.

Well, it's sort of mandated by our situation. Okay. All right, we got to play our opening clip, get this show on the road. Okay. Got it. You know, I even feel good just talking about those murder fantasies. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Like I, I feel like I did it and now I'm in like, Yeah, here's full of energy. Yeah. Revitalized for the next decade. You ready? Mm-hmm. Let's go. I'm with this nigga's ass right now.

Hold on. Get the fuck out of my state. Look at them. You better fucking call the cops. Call the cops for what, bitch? Look, asshole, you're my fucking neighbor. Get the fuck out of here. Whoa.

This shit is big time. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. No mom in the fucking stand. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura and Christina Pajitcin. Christina Pajitcin. Christina Pajitcin.

Christina Pajitcin. Welcome to your mom's house. Yeah. Yeah. Damn. This looks like our place in Silver Lake, remember? This, isn't it? I'm going to sweat.

It kind of does. It does. Yeah. I'm going to shift to Dr. Drew mode. Yeah. Well, meth makes you aggressive. He's not skinny. He's not a meth.

You can start somewhere. You know, maybe it's his first day. Man, this is, yeah. This is a citizen's arrest. George, you're not even a cop. You're going to jail in Mexico. George, you're not even going to jail in California. I suggest you move.

Whoa. That is not normal neighbor level anger. Well, and I wouldn't, I wouldn't rely on that first iron door as a line of defense against that kind of crazy. I mean, I've lived in apartments with that shit. You don't, you don't let somebody scream at you like that through one of those. Look, there's a crack. He can reach his fucking hand in there.

Kind of reminds me of another clip we were watching. You think you can call us names and wipe poop on our garbage can? This is going to keep going. You're going to be getting flipped off. And I'm going to talk to our men. So you're admitting to this? I love this lane. I don't know what you're talking about.

Shitty neighbors. Yeah. Flip you off. I fucking cursed you. I love this guy because I can't open a fucking window in my house. You're not burning clean, bro. God, man. I like this.

I'm gonna whip this nigga's ass right now. Hold up. Get the fuck out of my state. Look at them. You better fucking call the cops. Call the cops for what, bitch? Look asshole, you're my fucking neighbor. Get the fuck out of here.

If you're my neighbor. Shit. Okay. I have to get the fuck out for nobody. You better get your fucking ass together. You got it? Shut the fuck up. Let me talk to Marco.

Shut the fuck up. Let me talk to Marco. Marco's not here, motherfucker. Then motherfucker, get out of the state. I don't have to do shit for you, bitch. I suggest you fuck it. I don't want this motherfucker's ass right now. Oh, damn.

Now, see, this is what I wish the camera would just keep going. Let's go. Or you're going to jail in this state. You better get the fuck out of here. No, dude. No, uh. Oh. And then it cuts off?

Oh, what kind of video is that? How are you going to cut it off right there? Dude, I wouldn't take that guy on. That guy weighs twice as much. Well, he just fucking knocked him down. He knew. Yeah, yeah. Well, this kid's athletic.

He knew. He plays sports. He's like, I'm going to fuck this guy up. He's like, that old fat guy ain't shit. I'm going to fucking knock him over right now. Is that right? I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He definitely does. He definitely does. So you think this kid could take out that guy just because he's an athlete and he's in better shape? Way better. Yeah. And then that kid is a slob. He's just a mess.

That would be a nice series of fights. Like remember, we used to have bum fights like a decade ago? If we could bring back like shitting neighbor fights, like the older fat guy versus like the younger, angrier dude. Just see old people die. Yeah. Kind of cool. Yeah, there is that show now.

It's called COVID-19. I know. You're taking out boomers. Boomer cleanser. Oh, shit. Yeah, Kung Flu. Yeah, Kung Flu a couple of weeks ago, a couple of weeks ago, that was making the rounds. That is going down in history.

That is something that was said at a presidential briefing where a fucking journalist who was Asian was like, so they're saying Kung Flu in the White House. He's like, I don't know what you're talking about. Is there any better time to come up with a silly name for something than now? And you know, by the way, somebody was in the Oval Office and they're like, sir, how about Kung Flu? And he's like, I like it. Yeah.

Good thinking. Sure. He's like, you don't have any other. That's a good one. I like it. Yeah. Are we really going to be as, do you think we're going to be? China virus.

Do you think we're going to be as PC after all this? Like don't you feel like when the shit hits the fan, people start to get real? It's just readjust things in a way that people can't quite comprehend. Yeah. One of the things that's going to happen is we're going to have a whole new generation of germaphobes to a level we've never seen, especially like kids right now who have, because there's a million kids right now whose parents are like, did you touch the counter? And so those kids that are raised like that are going to grow up and be like, I saw a guy

opening a door with like six napkins and I was like, oh boy, like this is going to be a whole generation of people. Our children, the first four years of your life was the most important formative. Like this is going to fuck up our kids in general. No, I don't think they know anything about it. Well, I told Ellis yesterday because I just been telling him that we're on spring break. Believe me, he hasn't registered any of that. Oh, he hasn't, but they register when the adults are nervous.

So I told him yesterday, I'm like, they're just germs. People are getting all weird, bro. I'm trying to get him to stop fucking throwing shit at windows. I don't think he's. I know he doesn't give a fuck, dude. Good. Try not to strangle the dog. Yeah, dude.

Stop hurting the dog. Yeah, what a nightmare. No, he's not paying attention. But I do hope that, because I'll tell you, as a stand-up comedian, my most, my favoritist, favoritist, most favoritist audience is the, not AAA, the AA crowd. I fucking love the AA rooms. Yeah, those are great. Why?

Because those motherfuckers have seen it all and they come to your show. They have a sense of humor. Straight sober and they laugh the hardest because they've seen the darkest stuff. Yep. And I feel like maybe the one blessing in the skies is that this is going to harden us all up a little and we're going to, we're going to relax about. Yeah. As long as we can stay ahead of the curb.

Yeah. You just never know. Go to the library. One of the things that we were talking about was that we both have alarm clocks on our nightstands. Yeah. And we have not changed the time since the last Daylight Savings, which was over a month ago now.

And we have been like. I've been doing the math in my head every time. Well, I think it makes sense because you go, you said to me, you go, why don't you want to go change it back in five months? You know, and the thing is, I mean, what am I, I'm changing it. And then five months from now, I'm going to change it again. Well, just saving, saving that change. What?

I'm just wait. Now I know every time. Okay. Just add an hour. Just know that. And it's, it's such like an extra step too. Because in the middle of the night, I'll wake up and I'll lay at the clock. It's two 30.

No, it's not. It's three 30. Yeah. And then I do the extra math. And I also have that when I wake up to P, I wake up to P and I'll come back and I'm like, it's 545. I'm like, oh, shit. It's 645.

It's actually time to get up. Yeah. So I have a, I like it because I begin the day with disappointment. Yeah. You know, because I'll be like, oh, I can sleep an hour. And then I'm like, oh, no, I can't. Right. And the best part of this is, is that our clocks are the, you can plug your iPhone.

Your iPhone into it. Yeah. So all I have to do is take the case off of my iPhone and put it in there. But I'm too lazy to sit down. And because I've got the Otterbox. But you know what? I don't want to take it off. Here's the thing.

I think we can revisit this in August and see whether or not we've changed. And I think that's important. Should we see how long we can go? Do you want to actually try and go until the next day? I would like to see how long we can make it. Wait, Josh, Google, when's the next daylight savings? How long can we do this? It's sometime in the fall, winter, right?

But I do annoy myself every time I look at the clock. It's so upsetting to me. And then I chastise myself. So I look at the clock, I do the math, and then I chastise myself. Yeah. It's like a three-pronged thing. Yeah. It's so fucking annoying.

One of the, it's called Google.com. Yeah, asking the blind guy to look up something. Oh, no, we got to go all the way until November. November. Shit. Perfect. I mean, that is perfect. April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November.

It's eight months. Just a short eight months from now. We can have our clocks. Eight months from now, the clocks are going to be set. And then you're fine. It's a perfect, perfect thing. It's so annoying. I hate that I wake up now and it's pitch black.

It's so depressing. I know. The kids won't go to bed at seven anymore because fucking light out. Why are we doing this to ourselves? I don't know, man. One of the big comforts during this absolutely disruptive and insane time has been the communication with friends, and I think almost everybody has at some point received a text message from somebody about the virus with a link, and the link reveals a large black man with

a large black dick, and it has become a game of can I surprise you? And there's some brilliant ones. Oh, my God. I mean, it began with like the, you know, hey, there's the viruses in your neighborhood, and there was a link, and you click on it, and that kind of went crazy. But then it got, yeah, then it got more and more creative. There he is right there. Now there's, I saw one was sent to me where this guy, you know when like a, when the barista,

when the barista gives you like the beautiful latte and they make a design, yeah, latte art where they show a barista showing that guy in the art of the, of the coffee, you know? Yes, yes. And then I saw one where he's, his image is like a, in the, the reflection of on a lake. In a lake. Yeah. He's been, there's a Chinese kid drawing him on a chalkboard.

I mean, it's, he's everywhere. Everywhere. And I have to say, though he has been the brightest part of this whole. He really has been. Disaster. He's got me, I laughed so hard last night when we, I laughed or the Chinese kid drawing him on the chalkboard, I fucking, I haven't laughed that hard in weeks. Yeah.

And I'm so thankful for this man. And I want to know more about him. I have to know who he is. What's this other image of him with the writing on it, you know, down right there. You know, you'll take this. Okay. So. Nevermind.

I don't need that one, but his eyes are so kind and he seems like he's such a nice guy. Yeah. I just want to know more. You know what he seems like? You know what it looks like to me? He's, his face to me looks like the face of someone who has seen the, oh my God, reaction so many times that he's tired of it. You know what I mean?

He's like, yeah. He's seen somebody, some people go like, oh my God, that he's like, yeah. It's like when people find out we're married comedians and they're like, you guys crack each other up all day and like, yeah. I know it's almost like his face has the personality of his dick. Yes. Which is like, this is a big old lazy dick I got between my legs. Yep.

I got that big black, lazy. Can you imagine? I heard that he's dead now. He is dead. He's dead. So, but can you imagine in his wildest dreams, he has no idea that his image would come back and get us through the worst pandemic of our lifetime? Not only that.

I keep thinking about this. No idea. I keep thinking about this. Family members of his have for sure been sent texts where they're like, God damn it. Marcus. Yeah. There's fucking Marcus again. I hate seeing this shit.

That's my brother. He's fucking dead, guys. I keep seeing my brother's big black, lazy dick. Every time someone texts me, you know that like somebody has texted his sister, his cousin, his uncle is like, God damn, Marcus, rest in peace. His name was Wood. That's what he went by and he died in 2011. So he's been gone nine years.

I would bet you at this point, more people know this guy's face than what Mike Pence looks like. It's pretty, it's pretty, that is a interesting question to put out there. I'm serious. More people have seen this guy than know who the vice president is. Here's what I would like to know and if you really do know, it would be interesting. What's the story with Wood? We know that that's what he went by.

We know that he was- What's his real name? That's what I'm saying. What's his real name? Does anybody out there know? Did they know this man? Do you know this man? Do you go, oh, this dude lived here. This is who he was.

Where's from? It's just, it would be interesting to know the real story. Yeah. This is kind of how like artists get really famous posthumously. Like I think Van Gogh, he was just poor and then, you know, many years later, people found really took to his work. This guy is this generation's Van Gogh and like his work just took off after he died. That's true.

I mean, that image has been sent so many places. Is that dick real? So many questions. That's just- He's the best and someone sent me, Josh Anna Meyers sent it to me where there's like a roll of toilet paper covering his dick, like there's that one. There's one where he has the surgeon's mask on, you know, and the tip of his dick has it on too. Yeah, it's really amazing.

Who is the where's Waldo meme with him? Yeah. I mean- It's pretty amazing. It really is. Who is Wood? Yeah, no, it's gonna take real people talking about it and it's not gonna be in a search. I feel confident in that. It's really gonna take more.

And I am so thrilled that we have this resource that we can put the call out there and somebody is gonna know somebody. That's the magic of the internet. Tell us who he was. Yeah, I'm dying to know who this guy is. A lot of people have also, I think correctly, spent time talking about the fact- Are you gonna throw up or something? No.

What are you doing? But think about this. Who left us right before coronavirus exploded? Yes, I know. How do you get a job here, you fuckface? The head smoker who supposedly died is not having to deal with any of this coronavirus shit. That's true.

You know what I mean? Well, he's probably immune because he had a lot of meth in his system and I think the virus can't- I think he might have something to do with this. You fucking retard. You think he created it or he brought it from Wuhan? Wake up, America! The Wuhan virus!

The Wuhan virus! The Chinese! I love when people refuse to pronounce things correctly just to be dicks. Ta-ta, they're retarded. Ta-ta, they're retarded, yeah. Oh my god. I got my hair so frizzy. There's a cool guy at the post office.

Oh. You wanna see the video? Yes. Check it out. Hey, are you the manager? Yes. Hi. I'm gonna introduce myself properly.

I'm in CK. He's going live. I'm fine with you. Great. Maybe he's leaving out me out with that. I don't have a whole lot of time this morning. I don't have very good patience. I'm having a really bad morning and not trying to take it out on anybody.

I'm gonna be very specific. My favorite are the comments. Where'd the meth, bro? Tough guy. He left his box of meth here. He also takes stuff like this. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. So he left his box of meth here.

He also takes stuff like this. I don't have a real low patience. I'm having a rough morning and I just don't know where to properly introduce myself. Okay. First of all, by the way, when someone starts with stupid people in their videos, love to tell you that they're, I'm having a real bad day right now. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Right. I'm going to take it out. I'm not going to be able to pay the last three weeks because I got thrown in jail by some bullshit charges. Okay. I'm just going to be honest with you. Okay. I'd say a lot of cuss words and I'm sorry.

I suffer from PTSD, but a lot of people are fucking with me. Okay. And I don't have time for patience. I don't remember the number. I gave the lady my ID and I said, I haven't. I think I know what's up, but which one it is, but I'm three weeks behind. I keep probably not working. It's locked.

It's just, I'm not going to be able to help you. Yeah. So also if somebody leads like in the first 30 seconds with, I got thrown in jail and there's some bullshit charges. You can bet your ass they're going to be back in jail pretty quickly. This guy is letting you know to call the cops. Yeah. It's always bullshit.

Yeah. I didn't do anything. Bullshit charges. Bullshit charges, man. If you don't want, if you're the manager, I'd like you to help me. If you can't help me, I'm going to go right down the road. What's the... I'm going to show you.

It's Winston K. I'm going to give you my ID. Are you the owner of the... Yes, ma'am. And I have a key, but like I said, I think the key's been changed and it's fine. I don't care what the fuck was in there. Okay. But I have big shit that's coming.

And if you can't help me with it, then I don't want to do business here. I have big shit that's coming. What? Wait. What do you have coming? What are you talking about, man? He's got his Amazon packages. Let me just go find out what the box number is.

Thank you, ma'am. 3184. Oh, well, damn. He could have told me that and see. He waited until I... Until he got a manager. I've been sitting out here for five to ten minutes pissed off. You know, he is wearing a cross.

He's a Christian. That's the best part. They're always like that. I'm so Christian. Here, let's see if he's on right now. Oh. What's his handle? Winston.

Let's see. Let's see. Underscore. Kate. Also, I'm not sure what he wants. Like, as a worker, I'd be very confused. I'm not sure. He's like, well, someone changed the key to my box.

I've got the key, but they can't open the box. That means that you don't have... You can't get to your P.O. box, right? You need to have... That's the only thing you need to get to it is a freaking key. He has 50,000 followers. Get the fuck out of here. What's this guy about?

I don't know. On the ground? He's on the ground, yeah. Damn. He posted, look, this ain't going to go away. I told you that wasn't my money and the person money that it was protected. Okay. United States government, they're going to take you at it.

Alrighty. We got it. I think we found our new fed smoker type, huh? I don't know what's going on with this guy. Oh, man. Okay. I don't know, man. Does this keep going?

Yup, sure does. You didn't want to deal with me. No, sir, I said I want somebody that can help me and not fucking play games. You don't get shit twisted and there's no kids in here. But you see what I mean? Tell him to step the fuck off if you can help me, please. He's so fired up. Look at the veins in his neck and forehead.

He's so fired. Okay, you see that text message there in the middle of the second one? Look at the caption. Look, this ain't going to go away. I told you that wasn't my money and the person money. Yeah, and he can read it. I'm not reading that. No, that's what I said.

I said, and he can read it. What's the caption say? Oh, it says this nigga here. Smile Black Mike. Smile Black Mike. We going live in like 10 horror fitting 15 minutes at Winston's cave for show. Surprise Black Mike and introducing Winston motherfucking cave, AKA the caveman, AKA the boss.

Hashtag we out there. Hashtag bet that ass. There we go. Bet that ass. Bet that ass. Not dead ass. That's a different guy. That's a different guy.

That's Jimmy John's or whatever. Tommy John. It is pretty cool. It is pretty cool. Dead ass. Bet that ass. Bet that ass. I don't know how this, what is this following from?

Okay, so. Man, are you the boss? I asked for a boss. Fuck y'all. Fuck y'all. See what I mean? Fuck people, man. Fuck you and the fucking ass, you stupid bitch.

There it goes. All I asked is for a fucking boss and nobody can fucking give me one. Fuck you. You fuck with the wrong motherfucker. United State Post Office. Log off this to Texas, bitch. You ain't shit. All I asked is for a fucking boss.

Fuck you motherfuckers. Call the cops. I'm crazy. I respectfully asked for a fucking boss. Not your little fucking penny any fucking mouth shit. Hold my million. Federal offense, you stupid bitch. Interesting.

Everybody wants to fucking clown on Gabe, man. Well, guess what? I'll be the last one fucking clowning on all you bitches. Okay. Quick, bring it in sideways. Fucking shit. I don't have a fucking address because my wife took my fucking house. You stupid fucks.

Lie down, get the shit straight. Fuck you. Shit. Mother fucker, man. Why? Why the fuck? Fuck that guy fucking joking. Fuck you all.

Son of a bitch, man. Not the way I want to start my fucking warning off. Mother fucker, man. Wait, I'll listen to some music. Oh, no. It's going to calm him down. I like his truck. I bet he's got real big tires, huh?

He's definitely got the kind with the real big tires. He really went like... He really went off there. I felt like they were helping him. Uh, can you make this bigger? This guy's got real fucking problems. Lago Vista ISD dad goes live on YouTube at school, causes lockouts, police say. Okay.

And hit the no thanks there. Oh my god. All right. Can you, uh... Intermediate schools were placed on lockout after a visitor became unruly while on campus. Holy shit. This guy had a school... What was the date there?

What's it say? March 8th, 2018. 2018. Wow. School leaders put Lago Vista Intermediate School and Lago Vista Middle School on lockout after a student's father became unruly while on campus. According to the arrest affidavit, police arrested the man Winston Dale Cave. This is him right here after he started a YouTube video of himself.

Police say the video shows Cave, the school lobby ranting about how the school would not allow him to take his children outside without signing them out. Cave then allegedly made threatening statements about his wife and how he hadn't been able to see his kids because of her. Yeah. And that is an awesome mug shot. I don't know if you can go back up to it or not. But that looked like that was a mug shot that has a neck brace on and a smile. And a smile. How do you smile during your mug shot?

It can be a real psycho to smile on a mug shot. Yeah, so this is basically just kind of pattern behavior. No. Pattern of behavior. He's just having a bad day. Pattern of behavior. He never got frustrated at the post office and had a bad day. And then had school shut down.

Jesus Christ. He never had a bad day. Really something. By the way, you know what this guy reminds me of? He had 50,000 followers, but this woman on before the 90 days was dating a Nigerian celebrity and he had 23,000 whole followers. Yeah, he was. He was. So we are now into before the 90 days, which there's 90 day fiance.

There's after the 90 days. But now before the 90 days, binge if you can. It's fantastic because this is like the ramp up. This is where this comes from. I'm self conscious of my physical appearance. He's so sweet. Because Rose is 31 years younger than me. That's big head.

Big head, yeah. Big head's the mayo guy, mayo in the hair. This is on before 90 days, as you said, which really highlights. This is the sweet stuff of this show. Right. To me, this is everything. So this is the ramp up to delusion. This is where all the red flags are laid out.

And by the way, they're all obvious. Yeah. They're not hidden red flags. No. For instance, this woman who's 53 years old is dating a 30 year old Nigerian celebrity. He's got 23,000 followers on Instagram. And little things like, what was the flags? There's a lot of women around him.

Well, first of all. But he's staying faithful to her. I mean, this 53 year old woman with 30 year old Nigerian rap star. And he's in making videos and he's at dance clubs. Yeah, he's fucking other chicks. Yeah. I mean, you can just, you watch him for 10 seconds and you're like, this is your boyfriend. Okay.

Across the world. Yeah. And she goes, she goes, well, I've got a surprise for him. When I visit him in Nigeria, I'm going to let him raw dog it. Yeah. Because he's only ever used condoms. He's never had like no protection. Oh, sure.

So I'm going to blow his mind. Yeah. Sure. And by the way, I love Ed. He's so sweet. He lives in San Diego and he's got, he's one of those people who's obsessed with his dog, which I totally relate to as am I. And he carries his dog in that, one of those backpacks with a circle window and he rides

a little scooter. Like he's just the sweetest man. He's a sweet guy. And he's in love with a girl who's younger than his own daughter. So his daughter's pissed at him. So the red flags there are that she lives in, is it the Philippines? The Philippines, yeah. And he's sending her packages.

Every day, every day he goes in the UPS and he's like, can you ship this to the Philippines? And they're like, oh, how much stuff have you spent? And he's like, well, I've spent about 5,000 on gifts and shipping. Gifts. And never, ever seen. Doesn't occur to you that something's going on. Yeah. Such a huge red flag.

Then there's the lady who's in her late fifties and she's dating a bodybuilder trainer type but he's never, he's never appeared on the FaceTime because his camera, he doesn't have a camera that works. And how long have they been communicating? For a while. Like two years. Yeah. And he can't seem to apply.

And he's never sent a video either. He's never sent a video and he's never FaceTime her. She's like, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Just completely delusional. And then when asked about it, she's like, yeah, but every morning he sends me these nice texts with these flower and heart emojis. She's like, who wouldn't love that? All right.

Then there's the girl who is dating a guy who she's like, he's a, she's dating a guy who's a coach, a relationship coach for single women only. That's who he coaches. He only coaches single women, which is like something I could fucking picture any doing. You know, I just work with single women only. Okay. So if you want some coaching, you know, watch out at me real quick. Yeah.

So coaching. What kind of coaching could you give? She fucking bullshit. She's like, I feel like she always says the right thing. And they're like, her friends are like, yeah, she goes, I've broken up with him three times in the nine months period that we've been dating. Yeah. And this was the best one she reveals on this first episode.

She's like, we were, we, on his Facebook, he doesn't show himself to be in a relationship status. And on Instagram, he had photos of me and he took them all down on his, on his feed. Red. And when she called him out, he was like, I was hacked. I was hacked. I was hacked. And then he sent her an email, a screen grab, not the email, a screen grab that was like,

you were hacked. He's like, see. And she's like, she tells her friend, she's like, I mean, do you think something's wrong with that? And they're like, yeah. No, it's the best. He's lying to you. It's the best.

She's like, I don't know. I'm going to get on a plane and fly fucking 16 hours, find out. Well, and don't forget. So that girl has two children. And that is what, 15 months old. And then that's from one guy. And then another child who's like four or five years old from another guy. And she's like, I'm going to go leave my babies for two and a half weeks, two and a half weeks

to go meet a guy. It's strange. You're like, dude, what? What? What are you talking about? Yeah. It's a thing. The show should just be called, here are some red flags.

Yeah. Do you see these flags? Yeah. They actually just reinforces to me when I watch that show. I end up actually filled with empathy for human beings because you realize everybody just wants companionship and love. You know what I mean? Everybody just wants to be with.

And all these people are like, I am willing. You know, I'm, they're all hurt. You can tell they're all hurt. Yeah. They don't have really bad stories. Yeah. Yeah. And they're all hurt.

And they all are like, they know that they see the red flags too, but your mind just goes. Nope. I just need this to work. Well, you have never, you've never been through that. Like everybody has. Yeah. Like, you know, when you're younger, you're like, when I was younger, you know, you date

somebody and you know something ain't right, but you just want it to work so bad. It's like when you're dissolving a relationship and you're just trying, you can't decide whether or not to go or to stay and you're like, yeah, but maybe it's just, you can't see the fact. You can't see reality when you want something so bad. You do. But it's like, you're like, this is, this is what is meant, like it's meant to be. It's supposed to be like this.

It's supposed to be like that. And you're, and you're, you have the rush of the, of that NRE, really, you know, you feel that NRE in full effect and you're just like, NRE, give it to me, man. Yeah. Let this be right. Let this be real. Yeah. Oh, so horrible.

It is. Being a guy in college who was such a schmuck to me, he lived across the street from my dorms and he wouldn't call me for like four or five days and I'd be like, well, I mean, I'm sure he's busy. He's just got to be real busy, right? And then like he'd pop up out of nowhere, I'd go to his house and he'd rearranged all his furniture. Well, it turns out he was doing meth and making collages and stuff.

So he was doing something else. He was real busy making meth collages, but you know, I didn't, you know, you tried to make it work. You're like, you spy, it's great. No, you ignore it. We all have. I've done it. I've ignored it, you know.

I remember I was like so into this girl and then she would just, we would talk all the time and then all of a sudden, you know, she would just drop off and then eventually I would be like, well, I just can't get a response from her and then she would come back into my life like after a few months and be like, oh yeah, you know, I just got so distracted with things like other guy's dicks, but I would just be like, oh yeah. And then finally, like after a few times of that, when I was like, no, actually I'm not interested anymore because I genuinely became not interested. She was like, what the fuck?

Yes. She was like, no, I now I want to do this and I was like, no, no, no, no, I'm not interested anymore. And that's the secret of all courtship is the minute that you're like, nah, I'm good. I don't need you bitch. No, she wrote me letters. Yeah. And that's what happened with the meth guy is I, I went away to England for a year

and I was like, all right, I'm done. I'm done with you, whatever. And that's when the letters came and I love you. I think we're meant to be dad, dad, dad, dad, dad. Yep. And now, now what? Now what? Now where is it?

Now we hook up on the rug. No, I don't know. I don't know. I'm sure he's fine. He's alive somewhere. Now I have actually footage of him now. I'm with the naked ass right now. There he is.

The wrecks. Is that him or the other guy? You're my fucking neighbor. Get the fuck out of here. There he is. There he is. But isn't that true that just ignoring the person? It's like an aphrodisiac, right?

Well, here's the thing. Ignoring someone you once gave attention to is actually the move. They go nuts. If you make it obvious that you're into someone, like we're there like, oh, my God, this person, like, and then you retract. They go like, what happened? What happened to my attention? That NRE.

That NRE is gone. Yeah. But that's because also a big part of before the 90 days is the desperation. Yeah. And when you're desperate and a lot of these people have had horrible stories like one man lost a baby, one woman, the older black lady lost her husband of 30 years and they had six children together. So these people are so they're so sad and broken.

And then when you're in that place and you're just online and someone fucking baits you like that, it's just disastrous for them. You know how sad not to hold on. Allie Wong is responding to my latest of the black guy sent out. What? We're recording the show right now. I know, but it's apropos our discussion. No, because nobody will.

She's asking, did you ever figure out who that man was that brought us so much joy? That's what we're on right now. We're trying to figure that out. I know. But what also gives me joy about him is sending his memes to other people and then getting their reactions. Right. Like, what are they that did we upset somebody?

It makes me really happy. Yeah, it's the best. Yeah. You know how Josh Potter, where is this right here? Josh is the the R word. So why is Josh the R word? Because other people are too. Watch, to be honest with you, I always thought I was going to be in the NBA.

Even at a young age, when I knew that I wanted to play basketball, like when I was in elementary and middle school, I knew that I was going to be in the NBA. Just like that. Elementary elementary school. Some other maniac on the planet says it the same way. Elementary. Yeah, I know. I keep elementary school.

It's pretty crazy, right? Elementary, I'll retarded. I'm not retarded. Elementary. Elementary. Yeah, consensus in the box. Elementary elementary. I quite obviously disagree.

I believe it's elementary. I think a lot. Where is this guy from, by the way? Do we know he's from the Oh, it says here, planet stupid. Stupid, Bill. How do you say it? Anything? Everyone's got their own thing, but elementary elementary.

It's not elementary. This guy's not a reader. He's an athlete, right? Yeah. And Josh isn't a reader because, you know, Josh actually is very well read. Really? Yeah, yeah, he actually read a lot. Really?

Yeah, it's strange. I didn't know that. You look at him and you're like, there's no way this guy knows how to read. No way. You talk to him and he's actually very well read. Yeah, it's impressive. Yeah, so maybe I'm right. Yeah, maybe you are.

Maybe you are. Wait, we can find out if you go put in the word and it has a phonetic, you know, in the dictionary and online, are you ready to lose? Oh, yeah, and then it says it for you. We can we can do that. You can look my name up in the dictionary, fuck face. Names are in the dictionary, sir. Oh, yeah, he's like, it's the 15th Connell's back from the from the front.

OK, thanks, elementary thanks, Connell. How about like Ellen, the word put it in quotes in the dictionary? Yeah, like elementary. Pronunciation, there you go. OK, let's see. OK, let's hear it. Elementary. Oh, fuck.

We might come on. Both of us are fucking. Yeah, wait, say it again. Elementary. No, it's elementary. What do you think elementary? That's not elementary. That's elementary.

But if you look elementary, elementary. Yeah, but if you see the phonetic spelling, it says a la men tree. But then she's saying elementary. No, she's not putting an area. Should we try another one? Well, the key, though, the key, though, is that it's showing there's there's an extra syllable. That's the thing that elementary right in the middle of elementary.

Elementary, right? There's a dot between the T.R. and the O. I see elementary. That's the that's the good job, Annie. Good job. Wait, so what I don't understand what you're saying. I think what he's saying is I'm half right. You're half right.

I'm saying that both of you are right because it sounds like there's not the the the sound A in it, but there is another syllable. It's not elementary. It's elementary because there's a dot in between the T.R. and the E. Should we listen to it slow? Yeah. Elementary. Oh, elementary.

It's early, but it's not Terry. No, you're what Josh is wrong. Are your ears dumb, too? It's it's saying it's very clearly not what you're saying, though. It's not elementary. Nobody. No one's saying that. No, that's the verdict is in Josh.

You are completely retarded. God. How many words am I saying wrong? Oh, you see, you say so many things. But that's because my parents are foreigners. They talked incorrectly around me. Do you know what Dr. Drew said the other day? What?

He said, respiratory, respiratory, instead of respiratory. I said, is that right? He goes, ah, it's just how I see the word. I see it. Respiratory. Oh, no, that can't be right. Look up respiratory. Let's see respiratory respiratory.

No one says respiratory. Dr. Drew does. He said it on Dr. Drew after dark. OK, it's just upsetting to be around all this stupidity. You get your dick milked. You're very agitated, I can see. Yeah, see, you're smiling because you know it's true. All right, the kids go to bed.

We're going to get your dick milked. And we're going to do it tonight, OK? All right, so we've all been stressed out, but you need to get your dick milked. You're getting angry. Yeah, yeah. The bear needs to get milked. OK.

She's respiratory, respiratory, respiratory. Respiratory. Yeah, I mean, there's no confusion here. It's respiratory. It's elementary. Come on. All right. God.

Retarded. Retards. Look up retarded. Let's see if she can say retarded. Josh, do it. I want to hear the computer say retarded. It's too much fun. Retarded.

You really want that? Yeah, I want to see her say retarded. Retarded. Do it slow. Do it slow. Retarded. I don't think I need to point out that I need those drops pretty quickly. Both, please, full speed and slow speed.

I prefer slow speed on this word again, again. Retarded. And I'd appreciate that quickly. OK. Retarded. Thank you. All right. Did you see that there was a mommy reference on the news?

What? Yeah. And it's not an accident because there's more than one. Oh, no. Let me see. Check it out. Yes, still see the legit. Almost.

Still see the legit. And what does that translate to? It basically, it's like an Argentinian milk jet. People could buy this. Yes, we sell this in all of our stores, along with a white Nutella and normal Nutella, as well. Missina Tello brother. Typically, you see it's like high in type.

If you didn't, they would follow Proto. But yeah, this is. Oh my God. I know that is a legit mommy reference. Yeah, it's in Australia, obviously. Keep them high and tight and you follow Proto. Yeah. We got both of them there.

Dude, we're official. I don't know who it was, doesn't actually say. But obviously, somebody Australian, thank you so much. High in type, and he didn't even follow Proto. Whoa. It's pretty amazing. Dude, that just made my whole day. I know, that was great.

Oh, I love when we infiltrate mainstream media. How do you get a job here, you fuckface? Now we just have to get like Larry King to say something of ours. No, I really appreciate that. And of course, everybody out there should keep it high and tight and follow Proto. That's that's actually a very, very good point. Well, you'll notice we don't have a blue band in today

because he had a scratchy throat. So we followed Proto and he stayed home. Keep your fucking Jew ass home. Jeez, Tom, you don't have to throw the juice stuff in there. Sorry. Yeah, you need to get your dick milk. You're angry as fuck today. When he starts talking about murdering blondes

and you opened with I want to murder people and Nadab is a Jew. And why are you looking at your text from Ali? You're very pent up. I mean, you're like, hold on, I got a text. Wait a second. Because it was apropos our discussion of. Oh, yeah, she said, who is he?

You know why? Because I sent her a new one. I want to hear her reaction. I thought it'd be funny to read a very funny comedians reaction to my video. That's why. Yeah, you're going to get your ball. How heavy are they right now?

How long has it been? It's not been that long. Yeah. There's glue in them balls by now. We got. God, you got any coming those balls? You got any coming those balls, huh? We got RPC.

Oh, no. No, but this one's good. This is good. It's RPC. They got him. Well, I'll just play it for you. I was seven, three, five, three, two, nine, went three. And the party to see.

Same info. Who is Randy? I don't know who Randy is. You stressed? I don't know who Randy is. I don't. I couldn't tell you who Randy is, OK? OK.

I would say he's definitely unaffected by these quarantines. Oh, yeah. Come check it out. Yep. It's a mile to wild to kink. I mean, he fucked a lot there. And still shirtless, even in a cold New York winter. Now, according to Josh, who's been there,

I'm guessing would you say he probably hasn't left the house? Well, I do have a bit of an update. I spoke to, well, on St. Patrick's Day, he wished me a happy St. Patrick's Day. That's nice. And I said, how are you holding up with the quarantine? And he said what? And I said the quarantine with everything going on.

He just said, I'm good. So I don't know that he knows what's happening out there, folks. I think he's blissfully unaware. Do you think he's not a news junkie? I don't believe so. He is more aware of some things. I think he finds the news articles that

would help him create his content. Because I remember one about the president when he was talking about Black Lives Matter and all that kind of stuff, how he's like, if you're in Black Lives Matter and you want to come over, you can come over and can beat up a white man, stuff like that. So I think he knows that kind of news.

Maybe he'll do some virus content soon. I haven't seen any though. That'd be great. Doctor, come dump, you know? That. That's right, because he is Captain, come dump, right? Officer, come dump, actually. Yeah, he hasn't been promoted yet.

Reporting. Hasn't gotten his stripes yet to be a captain. Strip, stick on his chest. So damaged. Woo! A lot of you also pointed out that in these times, there's no telling whether or not Captain Marcel will retrieve her sister from down by the mountain.

Oh, gosh. I'm just a Captain Marcel. My sister went down. I'm going down to the mountain. I want to know. Well, that's what they're saying. If there's a quarantine, her sister's just going to be there. Oh, just at the bottom of the mountain.

And yeah, OK. Well, thank you very much to everybody that has been, what? I'm just laughing. I'm just enjoying myself. I actually just had a thought of how much fun I had today with you. It was great.

It was great. It was fun to come in here and just get away from stuff and talk about the stuff that really matters to us, anyways. Absolutely. I need to be fucked a lot, man. This stuff really does. It's very important to me. This stuff is great.

I wanted to thank everybody for watching the new special, Ball Hog, which is on Netflix. Obviously, the special is, you know, the name is a tip of the cap to what we do here. Oh, yes. Also remind you. If you get a cough, please leave the room. Please make sure you remember that.

And yeah, I'm trying to think if there's anything else before we go, Jean. If you get a cough, please stay safe, everybody. Follow Proto. Keep your jeans up. Stay healthy. Keep them tight. Hi, I'm Peyton Lafferty, and I'm a Ball Hog.

There it is. Really hoping my press gets put back together after all this so that I can do some national television and have them say, your new special, Ball Hog. Where'd you come up with that title? And I'll be like, it's funny that you asked. That's going to be the best part of that. Do you know Peyton Lafferty?

That's what I'll say. I'll be like, do you guys know Peyton Lafferty? And they're like, no. And they're like, ah, she's my favorite actress. You know what I'm looking forward to is the Times Square billboard with Ball Hog. So every one of our mommies can take a pilgrimage and see. I hope so.

If you see the billboard anywhere, please take photos. Send them in. Ball Hog. Yeah, appreciate everybody during this time. Appreciate you. Appreciate you, man. And yeah, we'll try to keep pumping out podcasts, keep you company.

And I think that's it, Gene. All right. All right. Stay high and tight, bro. Enjoy the rest of this episode. Just to get it going, the Motley Cruise Stadium tour starts June 18th at TI-AA Bank Field in Jacksonville, Florida. It's a stadium tour.

And there's already very few tickets left. So good luck if you want to go. Tommy Lee, Brittany Friland. Thank you very much for coming today. Thanks for having us, man. Yeah, this is a real treat. I wish there was a third mic pointed right at your crotch, because that's who I want to talk to the most.

I have so many questions. When we heard, I mean, look, we're excited, Brittany. I love you. I've been a fan of you since Vine. And I also saw the documentary on Netflix. Oh, the American meme. Oh, fucking. But in all sincerity, your penis was

the hottest topic of conversation. Everybody. Everybody has a love affair going with your dog. That's true. Yeah, it's a crazy dong. Let's talk about it. When did you know it was special? What age were you?

It's special. Yeah. I'm special. I always wondered with guys with big dicks, there's got to be an age where you don't know it's big. You just think that's a normal penis. I guess when you don't see other dicks. Yeah.

And then all of a sudden you see other dicks, you're like, oh. You're like, oh. What's that? And Tommy's seeing a lot of dicks. Are you sick or something? What's going on? So when did you know that yours was bigger than most people? Do you have to stick your thong?

Do you have to stick your thumb in your ass to chase your dick out? Is it cold in here? What's up? Oh, man, felt that one in my heart. Oh, no, no. No, so was it high school? Is that when you know that it's like are people saying like, Jesus, man? Yeah, like junior high school.

Junior high. Is there such a thing anymore? Is there seventh and eighth grade? Yeah. Yeah. What do you think? They just got rid of seventh and eighth grade? I never hear anybody say junior high school.

You're right. No one really says junior high anymore. OK. I don't feel like that's common. I feel like people say, yeah, you hear middle school now. Yeah, they don't. And they don't have gym class anymore, too. So can you see other guys?

Did they get rid of gym class? I think they did on some places. Yeah. I don't think they really call it P.E. They don't call it that. Yeah. So when you were changing in P.E. in junior high, people were like, Jesus. They're like, dude, look at Tommy's dog.

Is that what happened? Because I remember I remember seventh grade looking at Benny Cleveland's dick. And I was like, Jesus Christ, man. Now, he was black. Yeah. Yeah. You know. Wow.

Shout out to Benny Cleveland. That's what's up. They guys come up to you and go, like, why is your dick so big? Did they say anything? Would they say stuff? She's saying not now. I thought you meant now. No.

I mean, when you first started changing in front of guys, would they be like, whoa, man, would they ever comment on it? No, not really. They just were like, give you a quick look like, whoa. No one really said anything. Like, whoa, dude. But you could just tell from looking at other dicks that your dick was superior. Yeah.

Yeah. You just, yeah. You could just tell. Yeah. And you do the things that people should do when they have big dicks, which is very upsetting when people don't, which is that you fucking pull it out and you show it to people and you people have seen your dick. And that's I always said, like, if I had a huge dick, it'd be out at parties,

at dinners. Yeah, like, you know, putting it in chocolate fountains, doing all that. Yeah. Hanging towels from it. Why not? Yeah. I mean, it's it's super lame to not do that and have it. It's yeah, it should be seen.

Yes. And then he pierced it, which is like, wait a minute. When did this happen? Years ago. I've had that for a while. Where? And Albert? It's called.

It's not. Go ahead and show it. Just go ahead and show us all of a sudden. It's fine. It's fine. The internet. No, it was going to regulate. It's called a fern on me.

So like, if this is your dick. It right underneath the head, it goes right through the dick. It's a barbell. Can you look that up, please? But is that not painful? For me, it is. Is that right? Are you afraid of it ripping your badge?

It does rip my badge. Like the first time, remember I asked you when we first started having sex? Yeah, she asked me to take it out. I was like, dude, my fucking vagina is looking like fucking beat up lasagna. I mean, it kind of did already, but now it's really beat up. So that you walk around with that in all the time. Yeah. And if you take it out, it'll close up.

Yep. That's why I was like, I can't take it out. Enhances everything for you? Well, it's actually a very unselfish piercing. It's for the woman. So if you're fucking doggy style, the barbell and the two little balls on the end, they hit the clitoris perfectly. Wow.

Wow. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, gotcha. Right, right, wow. I'm like trying to draw a fucking diagram here. No. You guys get it. I picture it.

Yeah, I picture it. But it doesn't feel rad. Wait a minute. So this is kind of alarming though, if it's for, and she's like, hey, what's up? Does it hurt? I mean, I don't know, I don't know why I feel like you guys haven't had this conversation. No, we have it on your podcast. We divorce here.

We're like, hey, what the fuck? Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Why are you the only one complaining? I am because I just think maybe because I have such a giant vagina. No, there's no way yours is giant. You haven't had children come out of it. You think it's big? It's beautiful.

Yeah, of course. She's tiny. You have a big badge. But it's not tiny. No, it's. Why do you say that? Have you been discussing this? Yes, we are.

I mean, it's fucking meaty, beautiful. It's meaty. It's like Arby's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Literally, like it's just missing horseradish sauce. It's kind of sad. There's the kind of, there's the kind of pussies out there that are, how do I explain this? Loose meat sandwich.

It looks like an uptight smile. Yeah. I know you're talking, one of these, like. It's just basically a slit. There's no meat. Like what do you play with while you're doing it? Right. Put it, I mean, it wants to be like a wet bag kind of kind of dangly.

Yeah, some things, you know. You feel like if you hit it hard enough, it might go like a pop-eye or something. Yeah. But I like a meaty veg. I think since I've had two children, mine's gotten meatier and beefier too. And I kind of find it a symbol of womanhood. He loves meaty veg. Yeah, I don't want some tomahawk.

So that means you're a perfect match. Yeah, it's perfect. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. What if he was like, you're all beefy down there? I would go kill myself. And I'd be like, all right, I know that. Actually, before we got together, I had scheduled a consultation to get the lips

taken off because I watched a lot of porn and I was like, dude, look at their clean fucking vaginas. You really did? I made an appointment and I had met with a lady and she was ready to do it. I was like, I will kill you. And I was right before I started dating him. And then he was like, don't you fucking dare. And they will shave the skin?

And they cut the lips off and they show them so that your vagina is the half smile. What are you guys doing to yourselves? Yeah, don't do that. I know, Don. Why would you do that? Don't do that. Because I wanted it to be pretty.

That's like it is pretty. It is pretty. I felt like it wasn't. That's like getting a penis reduction. Yeah. No, just take some of this bullshit off. Yeah, we should have pride. All this extra meat in the meat.

Yeah, extra meat. Yeah, more meat. More meat. More meat. Yes. He loves it. Now, here's what's fascinating. OK, because do you look back?

I think, like, as we all get older, you look back. Like, do you appreciate the fact that your life for so many people is just a dream? You know what I mean? Like that you that you were in your band exploded. You're a fucking teenager. It's like the craziest ride. It is fucking crazy.

Right. I do pinch myself a lot and go, like, dude, what happened? Like, how do you? It's hard to talk about like where all these years later now and you're about to go on a stadium tour. Like, you guys are going to fill stadiums. I don't play football games. And you look great.

Like, you look, I mean, you know what I mean? Like, your life is good. You have a beautiful wife. Like, you guys are a good life. Yeah, like, you're you shit's working. Wait, let's go back to your dick. So so much. So you get you get.

I'm saying you get stardom at such a young age and you got your you're touring the world. You're playing music, obviously. You're making a ton of money. You're hooking up. So funny is that she busts my pulse sometimes for being when she goes, you can't name every sexual partner that you've been with them. Like, you know, I know, but I'm like, think about it.

He had to. Oh, my God. I like I just ask me that. Yeah, I asked him the other day. I was like, can you like remember any of these? Can you name everyone in Utah? Like, you know, he's fucked like so many famous people. Yeah, yeah, sure.

So that's added pressure. Added pressure. But I've seen you on your social media. You have a very good attitude about it. You're like, I'm kind of honored to be in this. Totally. I'm so grateful. He's had been with gorgeous, you know, Heather Locklear, Pamela Anderson.

Naomi Hamlin. Pink. Like, who else have you slept with? The two. Yeah, he's slept with a bunch of people. Who else? Who else? Let's go down the celebrity.

The beans. Oh, my God. We'll do a bonus episode. Every famous porn star. Really? Jameson. Fucking what's her name? She knows more.

I know all about Bella Donna. Do you ever hear these things? And you're like, oh, yeah, I did. Oh, that's right. He does forget sometimes. And I'll be like, it says you fucked this person on the internet. And then he won't remember. And then I'll be like, oh, yeah, actually, I did.

Hilarious. Wait, so here's what I wanted to give you. So you know how for a normal person and their regular sexual development, you know, in middle school or something, you might see a playboy, see breasts. And you go like, that's right. When you're a young kid. And then as you get older, you go, oh, you know,

I can't just see a pair of tits and be excited. Has to drive it up a little more. If you're Tommy Lee and you have lit, you're a Hall of Fame cox horseman. And you are, you know, you've had all these mouths on every orifice. And it's like, how, like, doesn't it get to a point where you're like, that's just, I mean,

you know, is it boring? Yeah, like where you go, I need to drive up the stimulus. We kind of talked about that. I've never fucked a midget. Right. You know that. Exactly. Or a transsexual.

Exactly. Or a chick with the dick. Or does she ever go like, how about a blowjob? And you're like, do you have six other mouths? Because that's what I do. To get going. As he said that, because you look at it. No, but it's like he's kind of been there, done that attitude.

That's what I'm saying. Yeah, he is. Like he's definitely, we obviously have sex, you know, but he's kind of just like, kind of done everything. But do you get to that point of like, you're like, it's all. Yeah, no. A lot of that stuff centered my mind. And I have fucked around a little bit here and there.

But there's a lot of stuff I haven't done either, you know. So that's what keeps you. Like what? Like what? Well, I haven't fucked a chick with a dick. I haven't. Fucked a midget. You haven't fucked.

Is that the proper term? Sorry. Around here it is. Little people. Little people. We're big fans of the M-word. OK, OK. You haven't.

You haven't. Have you? I'm just trying to think actually you fucked. You fucked every race. So there's pretty much nothing left there. So yeah, pretty much the only things left are transsexual and a midget. Yeah.

And all just is just a straight up but fuck. Or a dude. Yeah, I do. You haven't never done with a dude, anything? Well, not fucking. Blowjobs. Have you given or received one to my mail? Here she goes.

I knew we were going to go here. What? I'm genuinely curious. That's a yes, obviously. So what's the story? I mean, yeah. There was no story. Let's just file that under experimentation.

OK, sure. Everyone. I mean, like I hooked up with girls when I was younger just out of curiosity. Of course. Who has? You're a fucking rockstar. You're a rockstar.

Yeah, your life is above everyone. Like you can do whatever you want. That's the great thing. It's a great explanation for anything. You could be like, hey, here's why I fucked an exhaust pipe. It's because I'm a fucking rockstar. It's a good excuse. Yes, it is.

You're trying to get away with murder. Oh, my God. No, wait, here's what I want to ask you. You haven't killed anybody. I bet that's a thrill. I bet it's a thrill to kidnap somebody and keep them. That would be fucking awesome. I think that's next.

That would be yes. What about Alan, Yana? I have some more questions. Go ahead. Sorry. For the witness. I see who wears the pants here. She's like, shut up.

I'm so curious. Because first, OK, Orgy, yes or no? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That was like Tuesday. He's had a lot. How many women, how many people at once at an Orgy? We have an over-under, guess, on how many mouths

have been on your genitals at once. Whoa. We do. Can you remember? I know. I know. You know, well, yes. Yes, Orgy.

How many people at once, what did you say? Wow. Man. Look at him going in the vault. Four at once? No, sounds kind of low. Yeah. Yeah.

Gets to be too much. But for equality. Got you. It could be nine, but like a bunch of fours. Like guys and girls mixed, or all girls. All girls. All girls. Wow.

But you have done, like, didn't remember in your book? Yeah. Did you guys read Tommy Land? His book. His book is narrated by his dick, by the way. The dick boss? So if you're loving the dick talking, if anyone hasn't read, it was a New York Times bestseller

written by a dick. Does your dick have a deep, bassy voice? Oh, yeah. Remember what you said you wanted your dick to be? Yeah, I was going to do an audio book version. And so, obviously, I would do me, my co-writer, Anthony Boas, it would be him. We were going to get like a black guy with kind of a husky.

Yeah, there you go. Cool voice to be the dick. Sure. And then also the English editor from the book company who would constantly, like, red line the book on, like, this might. This is a crime. This line in here, absolutely, these got this house to go.

Like what? Like what? It would just be several felonies in this paragraph. Full on shit like that. And he's like, and we, in the book, you see my notes back to the editor saying, fuck you, this absolutely stays. And that guy eventually got fired.

Really? Yeah, which is cool, because he was a pain in the ass. He just was like, he was just like, PC in the fuck out of the book. Oh, that sucks. We're not doing that. And also, like, if you're buying Tommy Lee's book, you're not like, hope he keeps it really

piece-to-tame and lame for me. Damn it, damn it. That's good. Hope there's no cursing in this. That's why I bought his book. Oh, poop. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, so there's a lot of gnarly, gnarly stuff in there.

There's some fun stuff. OK. I mean, he had a sex swing in his house. That's right, I remember that. See, I think all that is part of driving it up. You know what I mean? I mean, you're 17, world tour, rock stuff. Yeah, you're going to get sex swings in your house.

Yes. Yeah, eventually. Imagine me trying to explain the sex swing to my children a little, and then I would put like a plant in it. It's a plant hanger. They're like, oh, cool. How old are your kids now? And now they're 24 and almost 23.

And do they? I mean, now, of course, they understand the magnitude of who their dad is. They get it. Was there a time when you look back, do you look back and go, that's when I first understood that I wasn't just like a salesman? You know what I mean?

Yeah, I started bringing them out on tour. And they were younger. But then they started coming out as they got older. And then now I give them jobs on tour. You guys work with the electricians today or with the sound company. That's cool. And then eventually, just the older they got,

then they graduated up to having their own walkie-talkies. And then all of a sudden, they're kind of seeing what's going on. And they're like, hey, Dad, can we get a stack of party passes? No. You know the backstage passes? Sure. And the both of them would go out there while we're playing

and just scope out hot chicks. And they'd be like, hey, you want a backstage pass? Come back. Wow. From a 16-year-old? Yeah. And girls were so desperate. They were like, yeah.

They're just, they're out there with the pocket stuff. So it's genetic. Yeah. They're out there running it till the wheels fell off. And they're both so handsome. They're both models. So it's like, you know. Tough life.

Yeah. I mean, tell them the private jet story with Brandon. This is hilarious. OK. This is where everything started changing from little kid to like, oh, we get, like, when your kids get what you do. Yeah. Right?

You get on a commercial flight. And sitting up in first class, sitting there, my one son, my other son, and their mom. And everybody's boarding the plane. And my oldest boy, like, super loud, he can never just tell you a secret. They're like, hey, Dad. It's like, he goes, Dad.

I go, I go, what? He goes, who are all these people on our plane? Because they've flown private the whole fucking life. And I'm, and dude, and there's other people in first class. I'm just like, oh, my God. He thinks, he thinks there's. This is a private flight. This is a private flight.

He's mad. Yeah. He was seriously like, who are all these people on our plane? I fucking love this kid. I have to explain to him, this isn't our plane. This is like a bus. And this is what will happen if you don't get your shit together. You have to do this all the time with all these fucking losers.

And it sucks. Yeah, and in the back, too. Yeah, in the back. We're real stinky. At that moment, I was like, OK, now. That is hilarious. Who are all these fucking people on our plane? So mad.

So mad. I'm just, like, ready to get off the plane. I just wear fucking flip flops. Jesus Christ. Bullshit, dad. That is hilarious. Yeah, it's hilarious. That is amazing.

Well, because we worry, we have two small boys and we're both comedians. I'm like, what kind of reality? Oh, boy. What are they going to grow up in? I know. And you fly private a lot, I see. I sometimes.

I see it on the gram. I see it flexing. So they know. I never post it. You don't. Oh, OK. Never. That other people do, I guess.

And they tag you. Yeah. Because I see it. Yeah. Like, Thompson. But how old are they? Our boys are four and basically a year and a half. So they're little, little kids, you know?

My four-year-old hasn't experienced, like, I mean, he's already such a fucking shithead. Like, he already says crazy shit all the time to us. So I'm like, what the? Like, he's got such an attitude for a four-year-old. I know, but we all, like, I don't. Where does he get it? I know.

That's a problem. Because I also encourage certain, like, I teach him what weirdos are. I'm like, there is a dumb, dumb. Like, someone crossing the street. Someone crossing the street. He goes, look at the dumb, dumb. I'm like, oh.

The guy turns around. He's like, what the fuck? You know, we're inappropriate. But anyway, god damn it. I love that. Kids are so fun. It's a lot of fun. Just never a dull moment.

Ever the best. Yeah. That's awesome. I'm good on kids. No, you're out. You're out. Yeah, I'm too crazy. I couldn't handle that.

But you also, now, like, if you feel that way, then you just get to do what you want forever now. Yeah, I love that. Like, sleeping in, I just could always do that. Yeah, I can't wake up before noon. Dude, I used to fucking sleep. I used to go to bed all the time at, like, 2 to 3 a.m. That was a standard thing.

And then I would get up between, usually, like, 11, 1130, she'd been up since, like, nine. Oh, your early bird? Yeah, that was early bird then. For us. Now we get up between six and seven every day. It's the worst. OK, he just lives that life naturally.

He just gets up at fucking, he wakes up at, like, seven or six. Seriously? Is that for my kids? Just like, good morning. I feel like I'm missing something. Yeah. I'm laying in bed. I'm like, hold on, something's going on.

I'm missing something. And I'm like, what do you have to do? Like, just go back to sleep. This one holds the record. Are you ready for this? Yeah. And this is, like, not, like, fucked up or been up all night. I don't even do drugs.

This is a normal sleep through the night. I go, I go, I'm looking at the clock and I'm like, whoa, it's 4 30. The next the, you know, the next day. Yeah. 4 30 p.m. And she's still asleep. And I went to bed at 12. Whoa, no, no drugs.

Nothing. Just hardcore depression. Oh, I was going to say, depressed. Yes, I mean, are you yourself asleep? Like that way, you don't have to face reality. I mean, but it's just crazy because I have a great life. Like I have a great partner. We have so much fun.

He's my best friend. My life is perfect. Like I couldn't complain about a thing, but then when your brain is not right. But then you don't you don't just like try to like deal with it yourself, right? You know, I take medicine. I'm on, you know, the effects are like I told you, I've been on it since I was 16. And I've tried other stuff with it. I've had my brains apt.

I did that like, oh, yeah, or they put a thing on your head and they stimulate your brain with magnets and like that didn't work. I mean, you did for like six months and then it went away. But yeah, no, I just have a weird fucking brain. Well, I watched that documentary about you on Netflix and, and, you know, we know you, I know you from Vine and I'm such, I just, I think, I think you're lovely and I, I love, um, it showed you as a child and I didn't realize that you were this acting kid.

Oh yeah. I was a theater nerd. Yeah. And you wanted to do characters and you saw Vine as this outlet to doing characters. And I was like, oh, that's so cool. I was like anything but being me. This is great. Yeah, I don't have to be myself right now.

That's the core of an actor. Yeah, yeah, for sure. So that's like my escape. Was your childhood traumatic? Oh, horrible. Yeah. Yeah, like absolutely horrible. So yeah, that's what it is.

You know, I feel like when you're developing, but I can't like blame that forever, you know what I mean? It's like, you know, you meet people and they're like, get over it. You know what I mean? You know, that's not good advice, but it's like, yeah, right. My therapist, get the fuck over it. Um, but you know, like, yeah, it does, I think, permanent damage while your brain is developing to go through serious trauma.

And, uh, I just spend my whole life trying to get over that, you know, and I spend my whole, you know, but you know, like you said, like you have anxiety and I have horrible panic disorder. So like something, I'll be just sitting there. But in addition to those meds, though, do you, do you also, you talk to, like you go to therapy therapists? I have, I do meditation. I've just started.

Sorry, I cut you out. You said you feel these panics just come on. They'll just come out of nowhere. Like we'll just be somewhere. I'll be in like the most beautiful place in the world. We'll be in like Mexico having a great time. Nothing will be wrong. And you know, I, and I'll just out of nowhere all of a sudden, I'll just go

into a panic attack and then he, and we'll go to the hospital in Mexico. And they'll be like, yeah, you need to just chill the fuck out. Does something trigger it? Like something unconsciously. I think I just have, I maybe I see things or like something just reminds me of something subconsciously. And then he literally is the most chill person in the world. Doesn't take any antidepressants, doesn't have any fucking whatever.

He's done a thousand drugs, doesn't freak out. And I'm having a fucking panic attack. And he's like, well, just like Bruce, like, what's wrong? Like just fucking, just fucking chill. Yeah, people are like, I don't get it. Just like fucking calm down. It's not that hard. Like just fucking calm.

I love your impression. No, that's what he does. Cause he's so mellow. Like he could do like a ton of drugs and just be like, yeah, this is rad. Meanwhile, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd lose my mind. I took an overdose of CBD oil. Oh yeah.

And it gets too gnarly. You had a full blown panic growing panic. It's a CBD with with high, high T.H. Oh, it's like a bunch. Didn't realize it was taking too long. She basically ate a pot cookie. Crazy. I've had an edit.

When I had an edible, I just don't even like. If you have anxiety. Oh, you're a fucking idiot. Yeah, but see, that's just that's your temperament where you just born. So fucking chill. Yeah. And I'm so jealous. I feel like there's a lack of drug experimentation in my life.

And I want to try some. So like looking back on all the fun drugs you did all the good times you had on them, which one like could you rank this drug is the best? Yes. We come back. Tom's addicted to heroin. I know he's all skinny heroin is the best. Really?

By far the best. And I mean, I hate even saying that because I don't want somebody to go like, oh, fuck, I don't know. You don't want them to just but it is. It's awesome. It is fucking incredibly amazing. What's it feel like? Fuck.

That's why it's amazing because you as soon as you pull the needle out or smoke it or snort it, whatever, yeah, as soon as is within a couple of seconds, you just you just go to this place of like the fucking this room could be on fire and I'd be like, you just float. But that's pretty much him like all the time anyway. So it's yeah, you just man, how hard was it to kick that's that that's the problem and luckily I I fucked with it for probably just like a little under a year and the whole time I did it.

I just kept telling myself, man, this is way too good. I could fuck with this a lot and I just kind of talk myself out of it because I know myself and I know how good that is. Yeah, this could go really horribly wrong and you were able to just bail on it. I was too good. I'm not built to be able to do that for some reason. I guess I don't know. Yeah.

Were you scared of shooting yourself with drugs? Like I always picture the needle stuff to be hard. No, that was like the fun part. That was like kind of the romantic part. Yeah, he like loves it. He's like good at injecting the blood and pulling it out and then was the whole band on it to get where you guys all doing it. Just two of us.

Yeah, yeah. He gives me my B12 shots now. He's like, oh, yeah, I got this. He's all flicking the needle. I'm like, this is weird that he's so, you know, we would get so weird sometimes where my partner and my band, we were getting super, super high in a hotel room and look at four seasons in Houston. And we ran out of fucking, we ran out of dope.

We had blow and heroin and we ran out of dope and we were like, fuck. And it's like three in the morning. Where are we going to get anything? So we were, I don't know. My fucking stupid ass goes, dude, here I unscrew the cap on a bottle of Jack and then fill up the cap and then and draw the needle in the cap. And we were shooting fucking Jack Daniels. I go, OK, we've reached an all time low.

Yes. Like this is we could just just drink this. But but no. But we reached an all time low. But you also reach an all time high of ingenuity because that is super fucking awesome. I've never heard of anybody doing that. That can kill you. Yeah.

Yeah. Do you remember did you get super fucked up from that? No, just kind of like you could take, you know, you can taste it in the back of your throat and you're like, oh, it's cool. I feel like I just did a shot or a couple shots. And that didn't burn to put that in your veins. No, wow. He has a weird resilience.

You're really hot, so it may have. Now, what about cocaine? You did a lot of cocaine, right? I did. I mean, was it a was it a fun ride? Fun for a while. But, you know, at some point, it just would be from what I understand, after a long period of use, there's this sort of there's this buffer in the back

of your brain that becomes fuck. It basically reduces the ability to get that dopamine kick, right? Yes. And it's just a buffer that doesn't let it. Yeah. Yes, it's like because you overdid it. Yes, or used it for so long. Yeah.

And then it's all sudden it just it doesn't it's not working. I do not have feeling the same effects. If anything, I'd, you know, do a fucking bump and be like, huh? And he'd go to sleep and be like, oh, wow. You know, like that's just not that's just that's not what that drug does. No, no, yeah. Time for a nap. And now his system's so fucked, he can drink like 14 cop cappuccinos and go to bed.

Like he has has no effect on him. Like he will drink it all day. I drink coffee at night sometimes. Oh, yeah. He's a psychopath because I'll drink a whole thing. I'd be like tweaking out. I take like one cappuccino. I look at a cappuccino, I start fucking tweaking out.

So then have you done meth? Uh, no. I thought you said you did do meth. You told me you did. Maybe I did. I don't remember. But not a lot. Like it wasn't your jam.

Or was that crack? You did crack. Oh, did you crack? How was that? Yeah, what's that like? Fucking super poor man's version of smoking Coke, like freebase, basically. Yeah. But it's the shitty, shitty version.

So it's not that. It doesn't feel the same as snoring coke with all these all the drugs. And what were you the type of person where you could play your show no matter how fucked up you were like some people can you know what I mean? Like or were you like I'll do that as soon as the show is over. Yeah, I would wait till I mean, we would, you know, drink a lot before the show and during, but I never really do drugs because as a drummer, you're the guy holding down the fort.

Right. So if you're doing blow, everybody's speeding up. Oh, right. And if you're doing heroin, you had to actually be like, I'll manage this with just booze. Yeah, you got to hold down the fort. And then like maybe the last two or three songs. Yes.

Um, would you start to start to ramp it up like I'd be playing and my drum tech would, you know, feel like a Corona bottle cap just filled with blow while I'm playing while I'm playing. I just go like this, you know, the audience can't see. So you just kind of, you know, turn your head and you just smash the cap in my face. Yeah, here we go. Bro, three songs are going to be fun.

He's still drumming, but you're still drumming and like, that's bananas. Yeah. And then flying upside down. So when you hit feel good, I'll smash this coke into your face. Yeah, that's the cue. That's hilarious. I know. Dude, amazing.

So as a drummer, I mean, I've always heard the lore that drummers are just crazy people, right? Were you like a hyperactive kid? How did you know that that was what you wanted to do? Um, yeah, pretty much from what my parents tell me, as soon as I was tall enough to, uh, you know, get up and like open the, you know, the kitchen cabinets and pull out, you know, pots and pans and all that shit. I would just set everything up and just fucking my poor parents.

I really feel now I feel bad for them. Yeah. At the time, you don't know it, but I literally made it fucking crazy. How did you know that was your parents, musical people, like did they have drums around? You literally just invented, like I'm going to bang on this shit. I must have been born to do this. I guess, you know, just my parents, my mom definitely wasn't.

My dad played a little bit of, um, a little bit of drums in, in school, but not like nothing like you, you know, it's amazing to me. Like, I don't, I'm not musically inclined to, I like music, but like, I don't know, you know, I can't play anything, but I'll, I'll hear a song. And if somebody then will remove instruments from it and then just leave the drum, I'm like, oh, shit. I didn't realize I was hearing that the whole time in this song. Like I have to hear things removed to be like, oh, and then, and then the

drummer is keeping that going the whole time. I have no ear for, no ear for it. I hear music, like I don't even hear, I told somebody that like when I hear a song sung, I hear the, the singer's voice as an instrument. A lot of times the words don't register to me. Wow. I hear it like it's a sound. That's interesting because I listen to this, I do the same thing.

I listen to the sound and the melody, the melody and the lyrics are way secondary. Yeah, I don't care what they're singing with the melody catches me. I'm like, oh man, that's, that's, that's cool. Cause I've told people I've like, like songs like this song, super fucked up. I'm like, yeah, I've never listened to the words like nuts. I'm the opposite. If the words are stupid, I'm out. I can't even fucking handle it.

It's one of those things like I don't even listen to it unless the melody is like gets me. Then I'll, then I'll be like, oh, what are they saying? The first, like usually it registers that a song is like, uh, insane. If other people are around, cause that'll be like the time that like I'll pay attention to words. Other people are in the car or something and they're like, you listen to this. I've never listened to this is like, this is like a mall music.

Fuck are you listening? I don't know, but I can hum the fuck out. Yeah, exactly. I'm like, it puts me in a, I listen like, it's like a groove to me, like a vibe, right? Like, so that's how I hear music. Um, who did you, who did you emulate growing up as a drummer? Like when you're a little, little hood, you love John Bonham from Led Zeppelin

was my fucking hero. Right. God, like hero, hero, everything about that guy, you know, just his sound, his feel, he had this really, really beautiful, like a super heavy foot, which means drum lingo. That's just like big bass drum. My yeah, everything's real solid in the bass drum. So he had a heavy foot and he always played like, if we call it late or laid

back, the snare drum always comes like a little late, like a God, it's always like on the backside of the beat. And that's a true, you either have that or you don't. It's not something you can teach somebody or learn. And that's, and that's, that just inspired the hell out of him. Yeah. You wanted to emulate that to do it. Yes.

And he's, he's a badass. But even watching you, didn't you feel it when he was going boom, boom, you doing that now, I was like in it. Yeah, I, I can't even do it. Dude, yeah. Like do that again. Cause I was like, boom, boom. Yeah.

Is that good? Yeah. Damn dude. Like I just saw you playing. Yeah. Like does, does he practice a lot? No, at all. No, like I never hear or see him play, but then like somebody will come in and be

like working on a record and they'll be like, Oh, we want you to play on this record. You know, like smashing pumpkins or somebody will come over the house and like wanted him to play. And all of a sudden he'll go down there and just, it's like, it's like for him, it's like riding a bike. He just goes right back into it and everyone's like, Oh my God, he's the best. Like, you know, it's like crazy. You know, they still have him play on like so many records.

People just come over and that's why it's so in you that you can love it. Yeah, I just can do it like in his sleep. This reminded me like when we watched a while ago, the Pixies documentary. We talked about the drugs are my favorite at the end. So in that documentary, they had they'd already been broken up for a while and they get back together, right? They get back together to do this tour and one of the first shows you're watching it and Frank Black stops singing and everyone stops playing.

And the drummer is like, he's all fucked up. You got to fuck up. And then then it's like, you're like, oh, he's doing a solo. Like, I thought I was like, he's doing a solo. He's not. And then he's like, he keeps going. It's like 10 seconds, 20 seconds, 30. And they're like, he didn't get the memo and he's just like, what's that? And they're like, you're on heroin again.

That's how they think. They're like, yeah, it was like Vamo something. He's like, and he keeps going, keeps going. And he's like, I was like, was everybody stop because the song's over, man. Yeah, they're like, stop. Oh, my God. Do you have to be in good physical shape to play the drums? I imagine. Yes.

And you know, this is quick. This will trip you out. I was curious because, I mean, I've always been kind of skinny. And I eat whatever the fuck I want. And I like sweat like crazy. After two hours of driving like a pool of wringing shit out. So therefore I don't wear very many clothes because I'm uncomfortable. But I was curious and I got one of those pedometers.

This was years ago because I was just curious. I'm like, I wonder like how much exercise or what am what am I doing back here for two hours? So I clipped on a pedometer on the inside, on the inside of my tennis shoe. And after the show, I took it off and it said 13.1 miles. And I was like, dude, wow, her show, which is insane. So it made sense. I'm like, well, fuck no wonder I can't gain any weight. Yeah, like I'm literally sweating.

You're a marathon runner. Yeah, literally. Exactly. Every single day you're clocking in at 13, 14 miles. But it's unbelievable. You did so gearing up for this tour. Do you are you going to work out training every day? I was with him for like a week and then I was like, I'm out. I can't she's down in the gym with me every day for like a week.

And then she just I don't feel very good. I was like, this is making me sick. Like working out like the first couple of days, I was like, oh, it's good. It's helping my mental health. And then it just took a fast decline. I was like, oh, my whole body hurts and my brain and everything. And I'm out. I'm having anxiety. Yeah, I'm having anxiety about running.

I can't do this. I was like, I'm out of here. So treadmill, honey, it's not going to get you. Is that what you're doing? You're just lifting weights and weight boxing and just some core stuff. Yeah. Oh, my God. It's unbelievable. Do all tremors do this or some guys just fuck it. I'm just going to go and I would imagine most tremors do.

I mean, it's a pretty it's mostly an upper body sport basically. So you've got to kind of keep that all. And he's like getting like you're getting kind of you're getting bigger arms. His arms were so thin, like almost like mine. And now they're like, you can see, he's just like, it's crazy how much you've gained muscle just in the last couple of months. They're on the ground. Wait till the end of that tour, man.

He's going to be like, he's going to be swall. You're going to be so swall. Oh, fuck. I like I love I always I say even like on stage now, I love when people, you know, go for shit. And I think of like the audacity, like the balls to think your band can make it has got to be, you know, I mean, like to go back to like, you'd be like, we're a we're a good band.

Like people should check us out. It's it sounds crazy to even say, you know, I know, I know. Had to I mean, do you think it would turn into anything for real when you look back at it? Fuck, you know what? It's it's weird, you know, you go from like, I don't know, I was jumping up and down on your bed playing like air guitar, playing on cardboard boxes and thinking one day, I'm going to fucking I'm going to do this. Yeah, you know, I'm going to I want to be in a band.

I'm going to be a fucking rock star or all this bullshit. And you never think like what you think that. But reality is, you know, you I don't know of anybody that sits there and goes, oh, I'm definitely doing this for sure. Yeah. Because I mean, you could think it, but to like be that, you know, sure, convincing or convinced that you're going to make it. I mean, it just really came by surprise, you know, all of a sudden one day,

you know, we're playing around in Hollywood on all of a sudden. And we were just like putting up flyers and doing shit. There's no social media driving in my van, putting up flyers on telephone poles. And then eventually, like we made enough noise in the city that we were selling out like a Friday, Saturday and Sunday at the whiskey. And that's what that's when it hit me. I was like, people are coming and check this out to look at this on a green. This is in my mind.

I was like, fuck, we've made it. Yeah, of course. It's dude, it's the whiskey and go, go Friday, Saturday, Sunday, bro. Relax. Right. This is nothing. Right. But in my mind, I was like, but you should have that youthful kind of ignorance.

Yeah, because you're just a teenager. You don't know had no idea. Yeah, I had no idea. And then there's that there's that day where, you know, the first time you hear your music on the radio, you're like, amazing. Yeah, you know, that's got to see. I think like all the arts, it's like amazing to go for. But I think for some reason, it always stands out to me that music,

it's the most you're the most preposterous that you think you can make it. You know, I mean, like if you're like, my band is going to put it. It just seems it's outrageous. It does. And it is. Yeah, I mean, just because there's so much and the crazy thing is like how long? Like, you know, the you guys is going on almost 40 years, 35, 40 years, 35 years. And like, and then all these are like a stadium tour is kicking off.

It is crazy. And the fans are so dire. Like they're like, they've been fans since they were like 50. Oh, yeah, of course. They like sending pictures of their tits. They're like, I'm Susan McClain, I'm 56 years old. That's the thing is that now people that your match game is going to be tied.

Oh, yeah. Now that they can actually afford it. Exactly. Yeah. Speaking of affording things. So being young and making crazy money, what is like when you look back, what's the stupidest, craziest shit you bought? I cannot believe I don't even know what this is. The stupidest or just something where you're like, I cannot believe I fucking

the dumbest thing I bought. Fuck, you know, something that was so expensive. I like Danny Brown said he bought a three thousand dollar cape. He was like, okay, yeah. He's like, oh, my God, he's like, I bought it. And he's like, it's the dumbest shit ever. The dumbest shit ever. Yeah, okay.

Did you buy anything dumb, honey? You had to. You know, I'm sure he's bought some. He's wrecked a bunch of cars, like hugely expensive cars. At least for a Ferrari Testarosa that mangled that one. Do testarosa is it's imprinted into my memory forever? I had the posters on my wall. Such an 80s.

That was a super course. Yeah, like you saw a testarosa and you're like, that isn't him. Like I will only see this in posters. Yeah, right. Yeah, Miami Vice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That shit. It's amazing.

I think probably the dumbest shit that I ever purchased, because if you notice, I don't wear a watch. I don't give a fuck what time it is, none of that. And I'm not into like, I don't know. I'm just not into like bling and shit. And yeah, you know, I bought a fucking Rolex. This pisses me off. It's just fucking just there is no room for any more diamonds.

Totally studded in the in the around the bezel in the fucking face, the band, everything just iced out just crazy town. I looked like I was in a fucking hip hop. Like how much was it, babe? I don't is probably 110,000 and then listen to what he did with the watch. Listen to what he did. I gave it to my friend. His friend, he's wearing it as he's wearing it.

And his friend goes, hey, man, I really like that. He goes, oh, cool. You want it and just gives it to him. I'm like, this is Tommy's problem. Bro, he gives shit away to people all the time. I like your new car. I like your new car. I do. I like it.

I saw a photo. I like it. He's done this all the time. He's done this so much he gave some guy a motorcycle because the guy came over like some guy didn't even really know that. Well, you gave him your motorcycle because he said he liked it. And then the guy went and put it on eBay. It was like Tommy really's motorcycle. That's shitty.

But I think that it's cool that you get because he does it all the time. All the time. Most loving, generous, sweet, kind person, like I want to come over. I want to see what kind of shit I can ask. Yeah, dude, come on over. Yeah. Look, you know what? I don't have is my very, very first gold record. Yeah. Because once again, you gave it away.

I do. We were all sitting there doing fucking big giant lines across it, you know, and this just pains me. You know, it's like, yeah, you're coked out of your mind when I fuck. I love you, dude. Fuck. Yeah. Like cocaine, like you just get together with your friends and lie to each other. That's basically what that is. Yeah. Yeah, dude, tomorrow we're going to and nothing ever happens. Right.

You know, you know, so and that was it. Like it was one of those nights and like, you know, I'm sitting there and I don't know. My buddy was just like, fuck, dude, this is so crazy. Man, doing fucking, fucking gaggers off of your first gold record. I'm like, here, I did take it. And he's like, what? I'm like, yeah, fuck, yeah, take it. So I don't even have it. And did he sell it? I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know that guy. Getting something like that and selling it was shitty. Yeah. Yeah. That's what bummed me out because the guy gave the Harley to. How are you going to fuck? He's like, I go, I mean, he had it like Tommy Lee's, you know, and pictures of Tommy riding and he just like went on the Internet and he's like, oh, I go, dude, what the fuck are you doing?

He goes, man, fuck, I need the money, man. I like, I understand if you need the money, then sell it, you know, but don't fucking advertise that it's mine to make to make more money than it's worth to like, you're just taking a really wonderful situation. Yeah. And and just you're just milking it like you're being a shithead right now. Of course. So yeah, and he was and he finally took it down and just took my name off it and stuff. I'm like, just if you need the money, just sell it.

Yeah, I agree. Yeah, I fucking agree. But that's what made me fall in love with him is that he is the biggest heart out of anyone like I've ever met in my life. Just the most kind giving. Thanks, poopy. Yeah. You're welcome. How did you guys meet? How did this happen?

You guys from different worlds. OK, we are totally from different worlds, but we live on the same planet. You can kind of like, you know what I mean? Like, we're both really fucking fucked up and weird. Yeah. And it just works perfectly together. I love it. It's so funny. This is embarrassing. Yeah, it's embarrassing.

But it is. We're embarrassed. But it is cool. But we'll tell you. Well, I have followed her for years on Vine. I'm like, man, just just followed her. I thought she is funny as fuck. She's hot. I don't know. I just just would follow and watch her do fucking crazy shit.

And then one day. So weird. I've been single for a while and I was sitting there with my kids and my kids are like, dad, my kids giving me fucking dating advice. Dad, have you heard about this new app? It's called Raya. You guys know what Raya is? Yes. Yes.

Yeah, that's for people that don't know a dating app for like, you have to be kind of checked into it. Celebrity, right? Yeah. You got to be vetted and approved, and I was like, they're like, yeah, you got to like sign up and then, you know, they check you all out. And then once you get, you know, approved or whatever you're in. And I was like, all right, yeah, I'll try it. So I get on there.

I'm like, I get approved, but I'm get on there. I'm like, whoa, dude, they're on here. Yeah, there's crazy people on there. Have you guys ever gone and logged in? No, I've seen it because you guys have been married for since. Yeah, but I want to. I want to. Guys, it's fucking. I just want to see what's out there.

Do you want to see how we she's like, do you want to die? We could date on Raya. Together, because we've been talking about who are polyamory and RE. We love that new relationship energy. Yes. And we want to know what our second spouses are going to be like. Always. Yeah. We're very they start dating on. Yeah, that's awesome.

What if we met on Raya and I was like, oh, my God, you're here too. Oh, my God. OK, so there's like really famous, famous people on there. Like I'm talking about like A-listers. Like Ryan Gosling on there. No, because he was with Eva Mendez, but there was a lot of big, big people. There's a lot. I mean, it's just like swiping and seeing these.

Yes, and I went on dates with a couple of people. I was like, what? Like, this is crazy. It's fucking bananas. I was bugging out and I'm flicking through. That's why it's almost embarrassing. Like, how'd you guys meet? I'm like on a dating day. That's kind of hilarious.

But like, where else? Oh, my God, there's Brittany. Fuck rad. Yeah. You know, fuck, she's funny as fuck. And she's cute. I'm just going to say what's up. So you messaged me. That's how we mess. And he was so sweet and funny.

And he's actually so, oh, sorry, he's actually so funny. He's actually like much funnier than I am, which is awesome because he's so goofy and fucking weird and it just cracks me up. And then was this was your first date a dinner date or would? No, actually, because he lived in Calabasas and I lived in West Hollywood. And I was like, yeah, Casey, you never, you know what I mean? Like I'm not driving a fucking Escondido, you know what I mean?

Like it's way too far. And so then he messaged me one day and was like, hey, I'm playing, I'm playing drums for this artist, Brooke Candy. I don't know if you guys know who she is. She's like this fucking crazy. She's got like barbed wire tattoos around her nipples and shit. She's fucking gnarly. Look her up. She's cool. Why don't you look?

Yeah, she's fucking rad, Brooke Candy, dude. She's oh, yeah, you guys have a real podcast. It's very cool. Yeah, she's on my new record. She's gnarly. She's pretty. She's pretty. Yeah, she's covered in tats. Anyway, so he's playing drums for her. It says at LA, LA Pride, LA Pride, and it's actually really funny because his friend was trying to hook him up with her.

And and so I show up to this fucking pride with a fucking lookalikes. Yeah. I was like, oh, Britney's here. And so I show up in a fucking clown wig, like a total dumbass, like trying to be fucking my goofy self. I'm all, huh, I'm gonna wear a fucking clown. Well, you had the gay pride colors flying. Yeah, I did. It was the gay pride colors.

So this is like day one. This is day one. I show up in a clown wig, like embarrassing, like just to have clearly like no sense of self, like just messed up. And so you're like, oh, fucking idiot. Yeah, I'm like, God, as I'm wearing the wig, I'm like, fuck, why did I do this? You're just always torturing yourself like it's self punishment. All my ideas are stupid.

Yeah, fuck. But then I can't take it off because my hair is already matted down. Of course. So I'm fucked. So anyway, so I'm committed to the clown wig and I show up in a mall. Hey, it's me, you know, like that guy didn't have the nose on and he just fucking smiled so big and he grabbed my hand. He was like, I'm so glad you're here.

And then just carry like took me around the festival. We hung out the whole time. And then I met the chick, the singer, Brooke Candy. And he was like, hey, this is Brittany. And she was just like, oh, get the fuck out of here. I thought I was next. She was so bummed, I could tell she was pissed because she wanted to hook up with you. Anyway, she was like, he held my hand and he never let go.

And it was crazy because he was dating like two other chicks at the time. Should I say? Yeah, I just say. OK, so one of them was some random chick and another one was Carmen Electra, who I think is like the most beautiful girl in the entire world. And even though she's like older than me, she's better looking than me. And fucking way hot. No, she is. No, she is. Trust me, I fucking seen her Carmen.

No, she's pretty. I think she is. Anyway, so where he's dating me, that Carmen and then another girl. And we're going on dates and we get pop, paparazzi. I don't even know what it's called. We get papped at the fucking sushi restaurant, right? And there's a picture of us kissing and then he gets a phone call and it's fucking Carmen Electra. And she's like fucking screaming at him like, you fucking piece of shit.

Like, I can't fucking believe it. Blah, blah, blah, you know. And so then she's gone. So I just had one other chick to get rid of. So then I was like, all right, cool. That got rid of itself. So then I just had this other chick to get rid of who would not move on. Like, she was fucking like who is she?

Now, how early on into this dating? Are you like, you know, I mean, like this is like three weeks. So three weeks and you're like, this is I'm like, you can't keep dating me. And we're hanging out every day. Yeah, like I lived at his house basically right away. Like we just hanging out every night. Like, you know, I had the, you know, had vines. So I didn't like have a job.

So it was like, I just made, I had money. I had made so much money on vine. I was just kind of living my life. And so I was at his house like every day. And then, you know, some days, obviously, if I had meetings or whatever, he's hanging out with whoever else. And so like that's then Carmen was gone. And then that other, this last chick, she had her fucking claws in, dude.

Like she was not ready to let go. Like, I remember you were texting, you texted her and you were like, hey, I started seeing someone. So I think like, you know, it's been swell. And she's like, oh, what does she look like? Whatever. And then she keeps sending him fucking nudes and shit. So then finally, I just fucking got on there and I was like, listen, bitch, nobody wants your fucking old ass nudes.

Get the fuck out. She's like, you know, she's like in her 40s. She's hot, but I was like, I will fight you. Like meet up with me. I will finally get the shit out of you. Did she give a sign that she was done? No, she kind of like, she kind of took a while for her to stop messaging him. Like she kind of would just kind of keep checking in,

like hoping we were going to fail, you know? Tommy's like the hot chick. I know. OK, but can I tell you like what's gotten even worse? Dude, dude, dude, it's crazy. Like what's gotten even worse though is because of the dirt. The dirt on Netflix made all these young girls, now these young bitches. Like what a bummer.

They're so hot and they fucking DM him. And they're like 21 year old pussy. It's fucking tight and hot. And like look at my body and they're like so hot. They're so hot these girls. And I'm like, oh, my name. Well, I'm going to kill myself, but he doesn't care. He's seen all the.

Of course. Well, that's the thing. I mean, at the end of the day, bodies are bodies, right? And how many have you slammed? Yeah, so many. Jesus Christ. Let's let's go through them all right now. So you guys got that. Yeah, yeah.

When did you stop counting? Yeah, everyone counts for a minute. Yeah. Did you ever count? Everyone does. You know, I don't know if I ever counted. You started having sex like at like what? 15, 13, 14, 13 and he lost his virginity.

Yeah, it's advanced. Yeah. And to the classic girl, the girl next door. You really did say yes. Yeah. And then when was the first? What was your literally world tour like a big tour? How were you for that? I was.

Almost 18. Almost 18. I wasn't in the world. Yeah. Just bustin nuts. Was that the bustin nuts tour? Totally. No, you know what's fun?

The bustin nuts. Here's how like that's when it used to be quick. Probably, you know, down later on into the tour. I love telling this story because this is fucked up. Like, you know, after busting many nuts and kind of the the boredom starts, you know, that kind of thing happens. So as a band, we're like, all right, we need to set some like. Stakes.

We need to set some stakes. So OK, whoever nails mom and the daughter. Wow. Ten thousand dollars. Ten thousand dollars. Now, whoever, whoever, whoever nails mother, daughter, grandma. Well, you know, they all came to the show. Yeah, that three way was paying 20 G's 20 G's.

Bro. And now, and if grandma took her teeth out and gummed you. That's an extra five. So there's 25 G's on a three way with mom, daughter and grandma. You're like, I made six hundred thousand dollars. Oh, wait, did you guys did the people hit these state? You know, you did it. Mothers, mother and daughters, several.

Nobody nailed the three way. Well, you told me one time the grandma was there. You told me one time the grandma was there. Yeah, but no one. But she's fingering herself in the court. No one wanted to fuck it. But now this arena tour, you can have three generations. Yeah, that's true.

Maybe the bounty needs to go back up. It does go back up. And you're starting in Jacksonville, which is prime pick in for that. Oh, yeah, there's all kinds of that there. Now, wait, I got a question for you, though, with mother, daughter things, right? Because there's you hear it and you go, your mind immediately goes to the taboo. You know, like porn kind of thing. But in the reality of it, like you're talking, this is a real thing that happened.

Yeah. How awkward are a mother and daughter to get? You know, I mean, it's how do you do it? How does it play out? Well, it's let if it's sometimes they're like best friends. They're almost like could be sisters. All right, you work his balls older sister, younger sister. And then there's the ones that are clearly mother and daughter.

But a lot of times they're very close in age, especially the ones that are bringing their daughters to a show. To a rock show. This isn't the fucking ballet coming to see my crew. It's like it's like they're bringing their daughter along. It's like bringing the it's like a guy brings a puppy to a fucking park. You're out from the girls. Oh, look at your dog.

It's like that. You had multiple mother daughters. Yeah. So hold on. You know, yeah, I need to know details. How does this work? So so your backstage. Yeah. And then the the roadie or whatever is like, hey, this is mother and daughter.

And then you guys what go to the hotel room or you're in the green room and you bang all three at the same time or you bang one one leaves and the other comes in like the same time, the mom and the dog. Yeah. And so they're seeing each other. Get yelled fucking gets weird. Damn, you're like, this is what I need to get hard. That's when that's crazy. Bounty started.

People were just tired of just regular fucking. Yeah, it's crazy. Because when I first started dating him, my mom was like, uh, he's better for me. And my mom was like, because my mom's like 60. And she was like, oh, no, no, no, no, you don't even know about him. I I do. And she was like, I need to date him. Yeah, I do.

My mom was like, there's another 10 grand on the line. Yeah, it was scary for a minute. When she first like, you know, what's what's your mom? What was your mom like the first time she met him? Groupie. She was just total fucking fan. Smitten. Yes. Just oh, my God, I love you. I've had I've had your posters.

Like, I know who you are. I know all your music, like just so super funny. You made a little clip. It's fucking okay. So when I first started dating Tommy, people thought I was dating Tommy Lee Jones because I was telling people I was dating Tommy Lee and people were like, oh, and my family got really confused. And they were like, Tommy Lee Jones, like he's kind of old for her, you know?

And I kept getting confused because I was like, you know, I mean, I'm, you know, 33 and you're, you know, 57. But like he doesn't look old and he doesn't act old, you know what I mean? But Tommy Lee Jones is clearly old. Tommy Lee Jones looks old and action. Yes, yes, exactly. So my family saw I was dating him. That is not as fun as Tommy.

Yeah. So they were really confused because they thought that that's who I was going out with and my friends. And they were like, and then when I told him it was Tommy Lee. Yeah. My dad was like, oh, that guy's got his dick pierced and his nipples pierced. Your dad said that. Yeah. My dad knows. My dad knows about a lot. And he was like, oh, are you OK?

Like, you know, he was like, ask me to take that fucking bar out. I know. So much that clip you made was so funny. Oh, yeah, I did a video. Yeah. That's not like Tommy Lee. Yeah. Tommy walking into the house. It's old. It's an old clip. Tommy walking in the back.

This isn't Tommy Lee Jones. Like they were all disappointed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they were all upset. I think because we set it up, I think we should probably visit some of your talks. Don't you? Oh, yes. All right, but I have to ask him. Oh, go ahead.

Go ahead. Before we go, I'm so excited that you're excited because not many people are to see my talks. I get a lot of shit and you're going to be bummed out. No, I'm following you on TikTok. I love it. I take talk all the time. You're going to follow me on the gram because I post them in my stories. Okay, John.

Okay, I just wanted to thank you. I think for all the guys in the box, we were talking about that your video, your sex video was probably the first one we all saw growing up. And it was actually kind of sweet and lovely. And thank you. Just thank you for showing us your dong and Pam.

Pam and you guys were so pretty. You were so pretty. Everyone thinks it was like a porn. And I'm like, that was just like, it was like on vacation. Yeah. And that's somebody's story. It's a long story that's stolen and blah, blah, blah. But it wasn't really like, oh, let's make a fucking porn.

Yeah. It kind of started like a whole, I mean, after that, yeah, everybody was like, we can probably do this on purpose now. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, crazy. Yeah, but it was sweet. It wasn't very welcome. Yeah, it wasn't shitty.

It was nice. I remember it was great, man. Yeah, you guys were having fun. Yeah, he's very loving. He really is. Yeah, you're sweet. Remember watching that, jacking off Tommy? It was really fun.

Oh, dude. Everybody, all the guys in the booth want to thank you for those jerks. You're welcome, fellas. Yeah, that you got. All right, we're going to do this. All right, it's all right. Fine.

Oh, yeah. It's my theme song. It's the segment theme song. All right. It sounds rowdy. Some, well, listen. It's all chaos. That's all it is.

I love it. I live for it. Brittany, you let me know if you've seen some of these before. Some of your talks? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. These are curations. Oh, these are pics of yours.

These are not my original content. I'm not a creator. This is not stuff that she puts out there. It's stuff that she finds and puts here. Oh, hell yeah. So I guess we'll do what is this one? I also am fine with the horse. OK, hold on.

I'm into women. And I don't just don't like the bitches who ask for money. Your guns got me fucking cocksuckers. And it gets men in my business who, you realize this, I don't care about being gay. And I never will be. Anyone who is, you're going to need to find someone else. Because I already have a girlfriend.

So that's called a big lie. Wow. Yeah, there's a lot going on. But find the one that I like. Which one? I'm not. Sometimes I forget I have a uterus. And because of that, sometimes I forget to take my testosterone.

And when I forget to take my testosterone, I go take a poo-poo, and there's blood. And I'm like, oh, no. But it's just a period. That's a quality talk. You're in the dark side of TikTok. I'm on the light side, like the fucking renegade and the fucking weirdos.

Make up the two reals. You're in the dark. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're in the dark world of talk. Dark talk, dude. Because I follow you because you're a professional social media person. But I wouldn't curate you because this is my lane. Mine aren't this dark.

Brittany had a notable shift in her seat and in her emotions after watching simply two of Christina's choice. And she was like, I am not finding the fun here. Show her the ICP guy. OK, it's coming. Let me see what I got here. ICP guy. In the same clown posse?

Here he is. Oh, that guy. I don't know what's going on with the face tattoo. It's a very slow, slow, slow process. Is that real? Yeah. It's going to take up to maybe two, three years for it to actually see some major, major results.

But sometimes certain lighting makes it look darker and certain lighting doesn't work for what you do. Dude, all lighting doesn't work for what you do. I've seen him getting it removed on the talk. I've seen that one, the one for getting it removed. He's a big, obviously, juggalo. And he went all in on, you know how makeup washes off? He was like, I want it all the time.

So he had that tattooed in, and then he got sober. And now he's like, I want this off. But he says it's a two, three-year process. Oh, yeah. It's gnarly. I actually tried to get mine removed on my arm, and I went like eight times. And they're still like that.

And that's eight times. This is eight times. Oh, my god. They don't have that process dialed yet. That shit is not. Have you ever had anything taken off? I tried. I tried to get something on my neck taken off.

And I went like fucking eight times. And I'm like, dude. And it's four times more painful than getting the tattoo. It's so fucking painful. It smells like hot dogs or flesh burning. Your skin's burning. And it's still not really knocking it down. So I just was like, you know what?

Fuck this. I'm just going to cover it because the techniques and the technology they have is just not there. It's not there. It's not there. This guy's going to be there for fucking ever getting that taken off. Oh, yeah.

I can tell you. I mean, the thing is, like, older the ink, they say the harder it is. You know what I mean? Like, the older the ink, and his ink's probably old. And he said, this is going to get darker in two to three years? Dude, it's black ink. Sometimes it looks darker in certain lighting.

What the fuck is he talking about? Well, I think probably the person the tech removing it was like, you know, in certain light, you can barely even tell you have it. Yeah, that's the lie he was told. Can you imagine the band guys? Like, I always get pumped. Like, people do portraits or bloody crew tattoos.

And you're always like, dude, that's fucking rad. Or I'll sign someone's arm. And they'll get excited. And they'll be, dude, sign this so I can get your name tattooed on me. I'm like, first of all, before I sign it, are you sure you want my name on you? Think about it.

When you're 70, are you going to want that? And if you do, OK, I'll sign it. So you're always flattered with people with tattoos. Imagine the insane clown posse going like, now, that's a fucking fan, dude. That's his face. Like, his actual face. I've never seen that.

I mean, he should at least get tickets, right? For sure. Like, lifetime, front row. Hey, you know how you ruined your life for our band? Because you're a fan. You cannot get a job anymore. Yeah, here's some people. Look, people got mine.

Me on Joey. Yeah, it's fucking no way, dude. Yeah, it's like, look at that. I just, dude, I know, I cannot believe it. Isn't it crazy that people are going to die in like a, you know, at some point that's going to be on their dead body? I see, I get, look at that one.

I get people doing you. That, to me, makes sense. Is that a Theo Vaughan tattoo? Yeah. Oh my god. Yep. Oh, man. And there's Bobby Lee right next to it.

Bobby, yeah. But I just feel like, dude, you want a comedian? You bring people a lot of joy. We laid in bed and watched your specials on Netflix. Oh, really? And died for like three hours we were dying. I'm glad we got that. We get this out of the way because, yeah.

We died. We fucking marathoned every fucking thing you've done. Oh, thanks, man. And I'm literally, dude, for a couple of days, my face hurt right here. Oh, awesome. And Christina's hilarious, too. I've seen you at the, I've seen you around for years.

You know what? You guys are a power couple. You guys are a power couple. I always say, like, I don't know, the gift of laughter is something really special. It's very much like music, you know? You get it and you're like, fuck, I love this song. The laughter is such a powerful thing.

And I just thank you. Oh, that's very nice. Thank you, thanks, man. Thank you for that wonderful gift. Thank you. He's going to get your face on the head of his dick. Yeah, I hope so. Oh, I'm going to see every time I give him a blow job.

Oh, it's Tom Segura. Here we go. That's the least you could do, you know. Oh, man. That's it. Here's nobody's told you today. This is just a PSA for everyone. If you're not black, don't say the N-word.

I don't care what the context is. I don't care what version of the word it is. Don't say the N-word. It's not your word to say. Don't say it. Stop saying it. Period. Oh, that's a nice message.

Yeah, that kind of makes sense. It's for the nails. I feel like that was for the nails. The nails are real. Yeah. He just did it to show off the nails. He did, yeah. Everybody knows not to say the N-word at this point.

Like, have we all gotten the memo? You know? Right, like years ago. It's just for the nails. Forever. Been a while. Yeah. The guy that's picking on the wolf pack,

I do tell you one thing. If you're too much of a fucking coward to hide behind a fucking black screen, come at me. I'll give you my fucking home address. I don't give a fuck. Who would you better bring? Who's the wolf pack? I don't know.

I think it's his group or something. It's his group of nerds that he defends. Oh, my God. You know how they have those things, don't bully us online. All right, nerds. There's a whole lane of people on social media who express their anger and frustration just into a camera. You know what I mean?

Sometimes you're upset, and they'll just be like, their whole posts are just like, sick of people saying shit to me if you want to say shit to me. I'll fuck you up. And no one's talking to them. And no one's giving them shit. No one. No one is.

Like, I don't know. My favorite is also the guy who doesn't know that this is a public platform. He'd be like, Cindy, I love you so much. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry, Cindy. And you're like, dude, everybody sees this. That was like my mom when she first got Facebook.

Please forgive me. Shit. My mom would write on Facebook. Like, she was just sending me a private message. And she'd be like, hey, how's your UTI on my wall? And I'm like, that's my fucking wall. That's not a message. And then it has all these likes.

And she's like, what are those? And like, it's so embarrassing. It's so embarrassing. Yeah. Oh, I love this. I've seen this. I love this. Oh, my God.

I love him. What the fuck are you going to do? In his bubble. That's right. Nothing, because you're a chihuahua and a bubble fool. Get the fuck out of here. You're a bubble fool. Chihuahua and a bubble.

You're not going to do shit, fool. We have a bubble backpack for our dogs. Oh, I love those. And they just stick their face up against the bubble. It's actually kind of sad. I like those. But yeah, they're cute. It's cute.

Yeah. Check this out here. Sorry, baby. I'm like, no, not him. He's too depressing. I'm sorry, baby. I didn't mean to do this. Please call me.

I didn't mean to do this. I don't know why you're so mad at me. I love you. What the fuck? I know. He thinks he's sending her a personal message. Right. This is the private.

He thinks on TikTok. On TikTok. And posting it for everyone. Did you see the We Are Not Related one? That one blew up. That one's great. Oh, I'm surprised. That was a popular one.

This is a couple. And well, I'll just let you watch it. All right, outlaws. Listen up. What makes you all think we're related? No, stop this. Let me see this. Oh, I have some of this in there.

Listen here, motherfucker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've done pissed me the fuck off. And I'm already in a bad goddamn mood today. Well, little advice to those that think we're cousins. No, the fuck we're not. I'm not related to her. I'm no kin to her.

Dude. And if you keep the shit up, I'm calling the fucking CEO and every one of y'all's little goddamn accounts are getting shut down. Do I make myself clear? Just FYI, he's Cherokee. I'm not native at all. So you have a loud mouth.

Well, secret's out. Fuck with us and watch what happens to your accounts. Goodbye. Whoa. Yeah, I've seen that. I've seen that. Exactly. So I think everybody has been commenting, like, oh, what's

like a fucking your cousin all day? And then they decided to just be like, we are not related. He's Cherokee. I'm not even in. It's always like some nine-year-old in Seattle who's like, you fucking your cousin. Exactly.

Like, it's when you're nine. Like, relax. How do you deal, by the way, everybody deals with it? Like, when you have huge platform, and how do you deal with trolls and all that? Oh my god, I have so much hate. Do you just ignore? I guess so much hate.

Or do you respond back? I'll probably get hate on this video. You know what? When I first started getting hate on Vine was probably like two years into it. And it was just like all these young kids were on Vine. And they're the meanest ones. Yeah.

They'll just say fucked up shit. Like, your hair looks like ice cream. Like, just dumb, not even insulting shit. And then there's some people that were like, go kill yourself. And you're like, ugh. And then there's hundreds of people saying that. And you're like, ah, that's a lot. And you have mental health problems.

Don't say that to me. But yeah, so then I just started ignoring it. And then I eventually got off of Vine. That was the reason why I left Vine. And then it kind of ended because people were just assholes. And I was like, fuck this. But then now it's like. You still read.

I do read comments. Comments. And I'm like, babe, don't do that. And he tells me not to do it. But sometimes I do it just to kind of gauge. I mean, I have a podcast. So I just kind of like to read my comments and be like, am I doing?

You know, people will be like, oh, you talk too much. Let your guests talk more. I'm like, oh, it's insightful advice. You know what I mean? So sometimes you'll. Sometimes I take it to like. But if you're a piece of shit, do you just block them or ignore it? I stop blocking people.

I was just like, whatever. Like if you're just going to talk shit, you're just going to look like a dick on here. You know what I mean? Like you're just going to look like an asshole. So I just kind of let it happen now and not too much. You just let your real fans fucking pounce on them. Let them happen anyway.

Yeah. Now people kind of like will come to your, you know, aid. I feel like, you know, I feel like now people are getting a little bit less shitty or maybe they're not. But I feel like they are. I don't know. It's weird. It sucks.

It's annoying. Like, why are you on the internet doing that? Does that make you just you realize that they're just like really. Miserable people. And it's like to go on there and say shit to someone you don't even know. It just makes you're just a sad person. Well, and especially because your intent is to make people laugh. You really genuinely are one of those social media people that like you want.

Yeah. To bring joy. It's all I want to do. And it's like people are like, oh, it's fucking this is racist. Yeah, she gets a lot like because I used to do character. Dora, you did Dora. I did get a Dora and she was like Hispanic accent, whatever. And they were like, well, the fucking racist.

And I was like, no, it's a fucking character. OK, like I can't. So I can only be a white person always or myself. I can't even pretend to be somebody else or it's offensive. You know, I don't know how you guys deal with that. Like, dude, it's James comedy. Like this is supposed to be funny. Yeah, I think at a certain point, you just like you it's normal to go through

all the, you know, the emotions of it and the and like the layers of it. But like at first, you know, you're stunned when somebody calls you out for something and you start to like argue back. I think after a while of doing this, you just go like, oh, I'm just pretty much going to ignore. Yeah, all of it. And then like, if I need to be checked on something, I feel like there are people that I would trust to, you know, I mean to say like, hey, that's super fucked up.

But like, I can't be like, oh, I'll pull the audience all the time and see if they're OK with every like that's just ridiculous. That is crazy. Yeah, it's just it's just like a bomber, you know. Sometimes because you're like, all I'm trying to do is make people happy. And they're getting mad. And I think too, like the YouTube community, the vine people, like that's a different breed altogether than enter like music and comedy.

That's a specific community because we're friends with YouTubers. And it just seems like that's just it's a more hostile environment in general. Yeah, it's really different. People live on there to troll. Yeah, like, what can I say that there's even a terrible whole account? Is just a it's their account is based on trolling other accounts. Right. And they'll be and they'll have a significant following. Like their whole thing is just like, fuck Tommy Lee.

That's their video. And then they're like, they get their views from that. You're like, that's your that's what you create. They live for that. They live for that. It's kind of bananas. Like you're like, whoa, dude, I just can't deal with like negative energy anymore. Yes, bad to be around.

Of course, fucking get out of here. Exactly. That's when you just got to ask for forgiveness. You know, you said you're right away and everything. But you're not calling me. At least text me, let me know what you're doing. What's up with this beard? It's perfect. Hold on. What are you talking about?

What's up with the bridge of his nose? There's hair growing. Is that hair? I thought that was freckles. No, girl. Oh, no. They know you mean here. There's hair growing out the top.

Isn't the bridge here? Oh, is that a bridge? Well, whatever this is, it's actually hair hair. No, no. No wonder she's not calling back. The choice to go quasi amish with the beard. It's like it's a beautiful choice to fade out the interior and leave the exterior. It's like modern Amish.

It really is. It's like Corey. Oh, my God, our friend has a beard like this. Like this? Yeah, he does. Yeah, kind of. He's like Alt-Core. He tries to be like very strange. He's one of those people who tries really hard to be strange.

Dude, I want to try to come to a show of this stadium tour. You guys are totally coming. Yeah, so much fun. It'd be awesome. It'd be so fun to have you guys there. You guys got to come, for sure. Yeah, bro. I'll make it happen.

We'll get naked. Everybody get naked. I'll wear my sexiest outfit. I want to make it on backstage. Got to give him some blow on the thing. Give me a stack of passes. Yeah, dude. Look at Tom's out there fucking.

Oh, my God. Getting all the fucking after-show girls together. I mean, what's up? Are you down or are you down or what? It's funny. Like, I didn't even realize just now that you're both named Tom. Like, why did that not register? Because you're Tommy.

And you're, so why are you not Tommy? A lot of people, all my friends call me Tommy. Oh, so you are Tommy. I am a Tommy to them. You guys are both Tommies. Do you want to know why he's named Tommy and how funny this shit is? Yeah, why?

Do you want to tell him the fucking thing about you and your brother? Your dad naming you and your brother. Oh, oh. Yeah, my father was married before, so I have a half-brother. And guess what his fucking name is? Jerry.

Tom and Jerry. My fucking dad thinks he's funny or something. The fucking Tom and Jerry cartoon. So I'm like, OK, guys. That was his motivation? Yeah. He liked Tom and Jerry. He's like, what, I like it.

I like Tom and Jerry. I'm going to name my kids Tom and Jerry. That's great. Cat mouse makes sense. Yes. Fuck. Isn't that so funny? Yeah, yeah, Tom and Jerry.

That's wild. I mean, he literally did it for his own amusement. Yeah, totally. I was like, dude, I'm really down. I kind of respect that thing. I know it is funny. These are my kids. Tom and Jerry just got a kick out of it, loved it.

Yeah, and that giggle would never stop. Yeah, you're like, why? 40 years later, he's like, you ever see the cartoon? She's guys. So funny. God. So before we go, I mean, not that you need it, obviously. You're doing a fucking stadium tour.

Yeah, oh my god. Let's help him out. Try to move a couple tickets. I've been taking some moving. But Motley Crue, and you have on the show with you. I mean, do you want to say who's on the show with you? It's kind of insane. Sure, yeah.

You have Deff Leppert is on the show. Poison and Joan Jett are all. That's crazy. And they're hitting Jacksonville, San Antonio, Kansas City, St. Louis, Minneapolis, Nashville, Cincinnati, Cleveland, Miami, Orlando, Charlotte, Arlington, Houston, San Francisco, San Diego, Glendale, Arizona, Atlanta, Jesus Christ, Philly, Pittsburgh, all the way,

all over the country. And these are all stadiums, stadiums for us. And is that final one, the LA show? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And it's on my birthday. And it's Bernie's birthday. And that'll be real close to the grant.

That's probably one of the first times it's open, right? I know I wanted to be so bad to be the first band in there. Taylor Swift is in there before us. Why don't we set her bus on fire? But yeah, we could do that. And then again, I went, you know what? That's cool. That's cool.

She'll maybe just kind of break it in slightly. We'll just go fucking wreck the place. Yeah, of course. It just falls down after you guys are done. Oh, yeah, it's a brand new stadium. Yeah, it's a joyous, slightly different show. Very different. Yeah.

Why doesn't he ever call me back? La, la, la, la, la. Taylor rocks, Tom. OK. Did you watch her Netflix documentary? I did, I loved it. I actually really like found a soft spot for her. Yeah, I like some of her songs.

I'm into it. But she's exactly who I thought she would be. It was very cool. We watched it. You liked it. I dig her. You thought it was cool. Yeah.

I dig her. No, she's cool. I was, I'm sorry, I'm making a joke. Yeah, get on board. You troll. I control. He's so hateful. I'm not hateful.

I am not hateful. I dare this. Are you playing anywhere around here? Well, comedy stores. We're doing a store all the time. March 7th at the Ice House, and then you're there. Yeah, yeah, we're doing like, you know, she shoots, we can't announce it yet, but in whatever,

later this year. And then I just, my new special comes out in a few weeks. Oh, wow. So I have to like gear up, do all. We want to come see you guys. We'll do Tracy's. Yeah, yeah, I would love that. Yeah, yeah.

I'd love to podcast with you guys again. It's so fun. Yeah, anytime. So you come to my podcast. Yeah, listen, I've only done 50 episodes so far, but it's doing well. I'd love to. He comes on with me.

All the time. Any time. Will you guys both come? Yeah. First of all, worse first. It's about the worst shit you've ever been through. Oh my God. Yeah, so you just, everyone's got a story, you know,

like Bill Burr came on and they talked about drums the whole time and like, you know, Burr, your friend, Burr. Oh yeah, he says shirts for Burr. He's like, can we get Burr a shirt? Because Burr takes his shirt off all the time. We've got to do a charity for him when you get that man a shirt. And a peloton. A friend and a peloton.

He's getting a stomach sleeve to. Gastric bypass. Yeah, yeah. He is. Will they put the balloon in there? Well, they go in and I guess. They cut your. They could do it outpatient now with what he's doing.

He's not doing the stomach room, like where they reduced the size. Okay. He's doing the thing where they just kind of cap the top and the bottom of it. Oh wow. So that he can't consume. I didn't think he was that fat. Well, yeah. The doctors say he has to lose, remember, at least 75 pounds on his own before they'll

do it. Whoa. Jesus. He has to cut out soda. He came into the pod like not that long ago. Oh yeah, things have changed. He looked fine. No.

Oh, okay. But I mean, you know what though, like, then like when it goes to do his thing, he's not going to look like, you know, shirts for Bert. He's going to be all skinny. Oh, look at that. That's awesome. Yeah. Oh, I didn't realize it was like that.

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe he was wearing a girdle. Yeah, it could have been. It didn't look like a girdle. I know he's like, I think he said that like not in not a long period of time, he gained like 80 pounds and just like a couple. How?

Just kind of being himself, being out there, you know, I don't know how you are on tour. Like on tour, I usually, it's tough, right? With like, especially if it's like city, city, city, city, like and you start to kind of, you know, break down and start making poor food choices, but like. This bitch could eat fucking crispy cream every night. Oh, he's so skinny. But to Bert, you know, with the booze and the food. Yeah.

That'll do it. Yeah. He's up to like four something right now. Anyway. Yeah. No, I would love to come on. Worst first. I would love to have you.

It's called Worst First. If anybody wants to like, you know, check it out. Yeah, it's funny. It's fun. It doesn't matter. Like everybody has the first time they've, the worst first thing that's ever happened to you. Like you're not going to, there's, there's some good ones.

Yeah. What's the best worst first you've heard? It's probably the lead singer of Crazy Town, Seth. Oh yeah. He got, he went to rehab in Antigua and it was on a fucking island, right? It was some celebrity rehab and he didn't want to be there and there was no way, there's no way to get off this island unless you go on a boat, right? So he said, fuck that.

And he just swam into the ocean and swam for like, what, 10 hours in shark infested water. What? To the closest island, right? And then he washes up on the shore of that island and he's greeted by a dude with a machete named like, I forget what it was like, razor or something like that. And he was like, yo, I need drugs. Like I'm fucked up. And the guy took him and then he realized he was a singer of Crazy Town and then he

started pimping him around the island and, you know, he's. This is how badly he wanted drugs. It was so bad. And then they did all these drugs together and the guy with the machete killed someone in front of him and like it was fucking, it's the craziest story. So his is the fucking gnarliest for sure. That's gonna be it. It's fucking gnarly.

And then he had to like escape to the UN to like get saved and they almost like didn't save him because he had left the rehab and they were like about to like let him be there and die. It was really fucking gnarly anyway. Drugs are the best. It's crazy. You don't get stories like that without drugs. Yeah, totally for drugs.

Drugs involved. And all for fucking crack and cocaine. Yeah. So that was probably the gnarliest one. That's awesome. Yeah. And Tommy came on and told me one. You got something there?

No. Oh. I have to take Sean. Okay. That's what I'm thinking. I thought you were gonna say I have to take a shit. Yeah. I have to take a shit.

I took an emergency shit today. You took an emergency shit at Starbucks. Yeah. I walked to one and then I was like, you know, when I walked in there, I was like, well, I guess I'll order my coffee and then go back and then take a shit. The coffee hit you too quick. No, no. Then I ordered it.

I paid for it. Yeah. And they were like, all right, it'll be at the end of the bar. And I was like, okay. And I was like, oh, I have to shit like right now. And then I was then I saw the code, you know, I was like, hey, what's that code? Yeah. And then I sat in there and I locked the door.

I sat down and they had the like the broken toilet paper thing so that when you pull it goes like... No. No. So it's like a, it feels like you're making like a loud, like people are like, well, that guy's wiping a lot in there. Totally. There's no fan on.

So you just hear just paper every time. Oh my God. What do you think caused that level of emergency brown? I'm trying to think, man. What did you eat? Did you eat lunch before you walked over? Yes. What did you have from the valley?

An omelet. An omelet. Yeah. Yeah. Let's go right through you. Yeah. You ate no carbs. No carbs.

But was it just the spot of coffee? Well, I guess it was... Because you know, if you'd be pre doing a bump of cocaine, you're like, oh, I got a shit. Is that right? I didn't know that. I feel like that's like a drug people thing. It is a drug person thing. Yeah.

It's like a regular person. Cocaine thing. Will there be drugs on the stadium tour, you think? Not for me. We're sober. Almost all the band is sober. That's going to be tough. So.

Is there anyone who messes with weed or no weed even? Oh yeah, there's weed. Weeds everywhere. Yeah. Yeah. Do you do weed? No. Right now, it's been like almost six months for me.

I just kind of just stopped everything. You really can. You can stop. You're like able to do that. Sounds like me. Yeah. You were like, this heroin is not working out. He didn't want to stop, but he did and he's doing so much.

Well, great. Yeah. Yeah. Good for you. It's always good to pump the brakes, man. Yeah. It's great. Keep it up.

You're training. You're boxing. It's awesome, man. You're doing healthy. Good for you. Excited. We're thrilled that you guys came. Thank you for coming today.

Thank you for having us. Welcome to Luther Fritz Lawyer. I'll get some. You all know my dudes by now. I'll get some. Come over and fuck this shit at me. I'll get some. I'm going to climb some nipples, man.

Let's get down with Breast Tax. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Rock. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Rock. Let's get down with Breast Tax. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Rock.

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