Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 548 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: April 22, 2020

Today’s episode is all about “THE MISSING MAIL KEY.” More on that later, first we got some brown on the property. Does getting punched in the face do it for you?? Now back to KeyGate.... we have a real red herring here. Is Tom crazy? Is Christina guilty of stolen valor? Decide for yourself. Also, Josh Potter threatened a dentist’s life once... Enjoy this jeans only episode with our two favorite pant legs.

What's up there, Chomos? This is for our Polly people only, um, feeling those energy today, those vibes. Yeah, jeans. Talk about Xanadu pretty soon. Stop it, you're gonna bring her up. I can't believe you just outed me like that. I didn't know you were gonna talk about Xanadu. Star Xanadu. Oh my god, you brought Star into this too? Yeah.

You're so nasty. You're nasty. You're happy. You guys notice he's happy today. You know why? I milked the bear last night. Look at him. I know. Happy singing. Oh, you know what I forgot? What?

Those 10 Millies. Those are gonna be 10 Millie Tom today and I forgot them. Oh, shit. People are really loving you. I know. I did, um, IG Live the other day as a 10 Milligram Tom. Little secret, I was actually 20 Milligram Tom. What?

Wait, are you upping your game now? A little bit. Yeah, I'm starting to build a slight tolerance, so. Um, but I had my favorite thing about it. So I'm, I'm sitting there. I'm just chatting people up on Instagram live and, uh, you know, you were like, how's it going? I was like, oh, it's great.

Just saying hi to people. And we just talked. You just jump in with people, right? And it was fun. People seem to enjoy it. And I was like, wouldn't it be funny if, uh, I laughed so hard at this. If I was like, if you're like, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm just gonna say hi to some, some people on Instagram.

And then you're like, all right, I'm going to bed. And then you're like, I'm going to get a glass of water. And you come downstairs and you just, you just hear me going like, yeah, yeah. Now play with your clit. That's nice. Yeah. And you're like, um, what? And then I'm like, I'll put another finger in there.

Oh yeah. And then you walk and you're like, what are you doing? I'm like, nothing. Just saying hi to folks. Jesus. What are you doing? But my favorite part is that it's an Instagram live and that the whole world can see. Yeah.

That's the other layer of it. I think you're doing it. Oh yeah. Your pussy is all wet, huh? And then everyone's like, do you guys see what Tom's doing right now? People can record those stories. I know. They want to.

Yeah. Of course. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Yeah. And then I'm just sitting there like, yeah, you got a nice pussy on you. I can, I can totally picture you doing this. Oh yeah.

Yeah. I can picture you. Picture me doing what? Doing that sex. What is it called when you live? Being chill. Being chill. Being chill.

Being chill is fuck on IG. So what? Yeah. You really were into it though and I'm really happy. Into what? Doing 10 milligram Tom or 20 milligram Tom. Yeah. It was fun.

It was fun. Yeah. That's a good time. Yep. That's true. Oh gosh. What is going on here? I don't know.

But I have to tell you that I've been getting many messages saying that people have been enjoying our quarantine. Vibes? Vibes. And that we're both so relaxed. So chill. So chill. And people are really liking us.

And I have to tell you that I'm so now used to doing absolutely nothing but being with the kids. Feels good. Yeah. That even like getting in the car to do a show, you're like, oh, I got to go to the studio. I know. It's like it turned all the, it turned the hustle off of life a little bit.

All of, yeah. That easy. 33 inches. You do all that digging. You don't want to get on a pussy. You don't want to keep running the house, parking the car. I don't want to see where the fuck you at. Are you serious?

So that gives you an excuse to fucking just cheat on me. I ain't cheating. A dick suck ain't cheating. That is. That was me on IG Live the other night. The dive had recorded it. Great. That's great, Tom.

I was just talking to people and I just told them a dick suck ain't cheating. That's true. There's a lot of guys that probably feel that way, huh? I think most people feel that way. You don't think dick sucks are cheating? No. Why would that be cheating? Can I get fingered then?

What if someone goes down on me and that's not cheating? You don't mind? I didn't know this. I mean, how is that cheating? Fine. I'm cool with it too. That's what you're out there asking for. You're like, will someone go down on me?

Well, that's what you're saying that that's not cheating. No, I know, but you don't position yourself as like, God, it just really would like to be fingered or eaten out. But if that's the thing I can do free with other people, should I get eaten out at the comedy store or get eaten out at the grocery store or get eaten out at Starbucks? I'm a woman. It's easy. Easy picking for me.

But that's what you want? I mean, if you're opening the door. No, I'm just saying. If we're opening doors to NREs. Let's just let's talk about the doors for a second. You're in your perfect world. You're like, I'd love to be able to just go to the grocery store and get eaten out. That's what you're saying.

Of course. You don't think that's living the high life? I just, I'd never, I'd never occurred to me. How easy that would be. What's the easy part? You just go. You got your produce, get some bread. Come here, get in the car.

Oh, you get eaten out in the car. Yeah, I did privacy, man. I'm not just some animal on the streets. That's cool. One of the things I think that stands out to most people as like a classy person is the real person that goes, eat me out in the parking lot of this grocery store. That's just, you know what I mean? That person's got it together.

You don't hear about it very often. You know, it's a low risk for STD unless that person's got a cold sore on their lip at the time. Yeah. Right? That's really all I can. Is that the only thing I can catch from the orals with people? I don't know.

I mean. Doctor Nadov, doctor Annie in the booth. No, right? Dick sucks. You can get herpes on your peener. I don't know. Who gives a shit? Oh my God.

I don't care who sucks it. Can I guess get an STD receiving oral sex? I can't read that. Damn. Of course you can. Yes. Yes, it's possible. Make it bigger.

Herpes. We said that one. HPV. Oh, throat chlamydia. Yeah. Well, that's what the person can get from me. I don't give a shit. It's also possible to get or pass on syphilis hepatitis or HPV.

Yeah. Yeah, but you know, none of those will kill you. Big deal. A little bit of hip. Yeah. First of all, I'm not, I'm not worried about any of this. Right. Chlamydia of the throat.

Again, not my problem. I just say line up, give me head and deal with the consequences. That's what I say. That's what I say when I'm at the grocery store. I go, I got my stuff. You guys line up and get ready to get down. Is that your fantasy? No.

Just a line up of chicks? It's one of the worst fantasies I've heard from you. But just a bunch of girls sucking your d. No. No, your suggestion of the grocery store. Oh. It's just so. I'm just thinking of a two for convenience because I don't have a lot of time.

I got two kids at home. I can't go find a hotel. Mom, where were you? I was getting my pussy in the parking lot of Ralph's. Yeah. I was getting groceries, but I'm also thinking of your feelings. Okay. Because if we open up the relationship this way, do I have to tell you about these things?

Or can I just be like, Hey, man, I went to Starbucks. You got to tell me. That's always how it goes. Starbeezies. No, no, no, no, no, no. You want to hear the details? All of my poly, all of my poly relationships have always thrived in communication. It's about telling the other person what you're doing.

And then you enjoying those details. Of course. Nothing would be better here than how you got fingered at fucking gelsons. That'd be such a cool story. Where would I go to get on gelsons though? It would have to be in the bathroom. They've got a private one, one room. Feels like you really thought this thing out.

Jesus. Do you really feel that you really think that getting your dick sucked is like a violation? Yeah. Why? I think Frenching someone is a violation. Wait. Holding hands with someone else. Violation.

Wait, what is not a violation? Sexting violation. Emotional relationship with another woman. Violation. What's not a violation? You can look at other people. Yeah. You may masturbate to porn.

Yeah. With other women. Okay. Pictures. Victoria's Secret Catalogs. I don't know. Victoria's Secret Catalogs. Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.

What is this? 1994? But you may not have a relationship. I don't want a relationship. In real life with anybody. Can I just, okay, just hear me out. There's some scally wagging just sitting there right after the show alone. She lost a shoe.

She's just kind of broken. Yeah. And I walk out of the green room into the alley. And then she's just like, you know, like she looks sad, right? And then I walk out. That makes your wiener go, broken, sad. What is the thing? Well, here's the part.

I walk out of the, into the alley and I immediately, I know this is someone beneath me. You know? Yeah. And you like that status. Yeah. I have some disdain. I'm like, what are you doing? And then she's like, oh, Thompson girl.

I was at the show and then they threw me out. I'm like, what did you do? Like, you know, and she's like, I guess I was on my phone or something. I'm like, yeah, that's what happens to fucking idiots. And then she's like, was that your bus? I'm like, no, it's somebody else's fucking tour. Yeah, of course it's my bus. So far.

And then she's like, can I see? And I go, see. She's like, can I see what it's like on the bus? And I go, no, you're disgusting. And then, so far. Just hear it out. Just hear me out. Please hear me out.

So then she's like, I just don't want to go to the bathroom. And I'm like, well, you want to go to the bathroom. You want to go to the bathroom. She says she wants to use the toilet on your bus. Yeah. And I'm like, absolutely not, not letting you on this bus. And then she's like, but I don't want to have to go here in the alley. And like, this is where people go.

Allies are for bathrooms. And then she's like, is there anything I can do? And I'm like, if you would stop talking, I think everybody would feel a lot better. And then she just goes like this. Like that. Wait, I unzip my pants. I shove it in the, wait, I don't, I have disdain for her. I just go, I go one, two, three.

I finish. I'm like, and then I put it away. And she's like, she goes, oh, and she's like, now can I use your bathroom? And I go, no. And then I get on the bus and we go away. Wow. Do you at least give her a cup of water? No, but you know what I do?

As the bus goes by, I throw a couple of tissues and I go wipe yourself like that. And then the bus pulls off. Is that permitted? Do we have an opening clip for the show? Not even going to answer me, huh? I mean, you're so depraved. This is better than your old fantasy of stapling my tits to the desk and you're the janitor. And you put my head in the bucket of water, dirty water.

Remember that fantasy you used to have? Of course. All right, let's start the show. What is with you and demeaning? You have to debase. What is that? Ready? You're a real classist.

You really like that. You ready? Demeaning people. Sure. I mean, I don't feel good. Excuse me. You just went to the bathroom, like, on my property and I'm playing there. No.

Are you kidding me? You just, you just took a poo right here on my property and I have my kids playing right here. Oh, Randy. Don't bring anyone loving to this. Don't move in the fucking stand. Oh, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segura.

Cool. And Kristina Faschitz. Welcome to your mom's house. How? Excuse me. The thing is, though, I'm not a fan of your shit. I'm not a fan of your shit. I'm not a fan of your shit.

I'm not a fan of your shit. I'm not a fan of your shit. Me? The thing is, though. You went poop. Poop. On my lawn and the lady's like, here you go. Clean it up.

The thing is, do you go, like, obviously whoever's doing that is not well in the mind and the head. Like, do you confront that person? Yeah. Or do you just let it ride? Well, you confront and you roll the dice on their reaction. See, and this actually is the best case scenario because we have, we've shown you neighbors that aren't friendly and we'll show you a feud today.

But this is a, yeah, this is kind of the best case scenario where she called her out. I think the camera really has an effect on, you know what I mean? Oh, yeah. When you're confronted for bad behavior and someone has a camera, you're like, hmm. Oh, boy. Well, it's like in our neighborhood when we walk bitsy around, some neighbors have a sign on their lawns of a dog squatting. Yeah.

Like it's about to take a dump and then it's like, don't poo here. Yeah, that I don't really get. Like, how do you get to dictate, that's what grass is, right? A place where you can. Kind of. But also, what's more gross? Like having a sign of a dog simulating taking a shit. Or having the shit taken.

Yeah. Like I'd rather just have a shit on my lawn than the cut out dog. Shouldn't the sign, shouldn't all those signs just say, please clean up after? Pick it up. Because there's people that have signs that say like, don't shit. You know, like, don't allow your dog to poop here. What? What do you mean?

It's grass. Like that's where dogs poop. Where do you want them to poop? No, just not on my lawn. The shit on the neighbor's lawn. Well, the signs that we have in our cute little neighborhood are of the dog squatting. Yeah, like pushing out a turd and you're like, why would you put that? That's even more, that's grosser than just having a turd.

No, ours have like a cut out dog. It's like the shape of an actual dog. No, but the point being though, what kind of, what is that? Like to say that. You want that on your lawn. That a dog can't poop on my lawn. I know, it's silly. That's what they're there for.

Dogs poop. But this is crazy. So you would confront our neighbor. If I saw a human being shit on my grass. Yeah. Yeah, I think I would. I think I would be like, hey, hey, hey, excuse me, excuse me. Did you just shit here?

You shit on the grass? I think you should, all I'm saying is please clean it up. Please clean up what you did. Wait, and she brought her own poo bag with her, which is the second part of the mystery here. That's really not okay, Steve. Can you get a couple poop bags, please? Can you please get a couple poop bags? Bare hands.

My husband's going to bring you a couple of doggy bags? How did she had her own caca bag with her? She just took a huge dump right there. Here's another bag. In broad daylight. My kids play right here. Mama, mama. Mommy, why do you need me?

She's here. There's a huge pandemic going on. Yeah. Yeah, sorry. Sorry. How long you think she's been doing that dumping on public property? I think she's been doing it since she's been living back at home, you know? Yeah.

This is not a new, it wasn't like today, she was like, I was, oh, I just had to go. Right. This is a tradition I think that's been passed down from her grandparents. You think so? Well, yeah, I think they do this in the mainland. Oh, he's blaming it on her race. Culture. I think it's a culture thing.

Culture, not race. Wow. You're suggesting, so when you were... He's saying they do this. Look, I just came back from there. They have toilets that let you poop like that, and if you don't have like a ceramic hole to do it in, whatever, I could just do this. Well, there's that thing about, you can even look it up about pooing in indoors.

Right. Just on the floor in malls and stuff. They have signs that say, don't poop on the floor here. Yeah, those signs are just for mainlanders. And is this because there's a shortage of places to go in public? There's like not enough public restrooms? I mean, I don't know. I haven't looked into the interstices.

Here's what I'm interested in. What? With these people that would, let's say, poop inside the mall on the floor. What about that ass situation? You know what I mean? They're just cleaning your asshole. So if you drop your pants and you just shit on the floor next to the Apple Store, then you just pull your pants up and walk around.

Yeah, you don't. Don't you have the shittiest asshole? Well, you got two squares of toilet paper attached to your body at all times. Wait, Tom. What? You mean to tell me that these people don't wipe their heinies? That's the point I'm asking about. Because there is a situation.

You can look it up. Look up like pooping indoors, China, you know, like on the, they're pooping on the floor. Yana, my test suggest, if you squat, if you've ever squatted to dump, the break is so clean. So clean. Oh, on a real true squat dump. Right. That you actually probably don't need a lot of toilet paper. Yeah.

China has around 800 million peasants. Peasants? I use the word peasants, not farmer, because most of them are really poor, not well educated. Chinese government sacrificed the rights and benefits of four to five generations of these peasants. Okay, I don't know if this is really answering, but is it saying that this is a common occurrence? Well, so the question was, is it a common occurrence in China? And this person says, as a Chinese living in Beijing, I should say that I might have seen the scenario several times a year. Okay.

So just seeing it on accident, sometimes not actively looking for it. Right, right. I really, you know how much I love brown talk, but like I can't even wrap my head around just going in a mall. I know. How do they, are they not worried that someone can see them? There is no, I don't think there's any shame to attach to it like that. I think also if you come from like extreme poverty, there's that whole modesty is like a luxury. You know what I mean?

Yeah, sure. Just like I bathe like this, I shit, like they're not thinking in terms of like, oh, I feel shame right now. It's just like, I have to go to the bathroom. And this one just went in this lady's bushes in broad daylight. That's this lady. This lady. This is right here, or she has kind of, is it a Canadian accent? Yeah, I'm not 100% sure.

But it's North America. Yeah. And even though our friend here is not from North America, but it's definitely, it's definitely, she's shameless in how she did it. And she wore white, which is really daring. I'm going to go on a walk, go to my, take my morning walk, go to potty. Take a shit. Same shit. Different toilet, man.

It's wild. I can't even, and here's the deal, man. If I'm out walking in our neighborhood and I feel a tug, I'm just going to walk home. Like I'd make it a priority to try to get home. Yeah. Well, yeah, but some people don't. Now, I remember last year, this was more a, this was a, you could tell it was like a thing to provoke. You know, I think my, my guess of this right here is that it is kind of an extension of how someone was maybe brought up.

And there's, you know, I don't think she's trying to like fuck with her neighbors or anything. I mean, that's, I'm, I'm looking at a video and just making a guess. Yeah. But I do remember that I think a year or two ago, we had, we played a video of, it was a high school coach of some kind, a high school coach. Was shitting on and around near the cross country track. Open defecation. Yes. Yeah.

I remember. I remember that. And they, they caught the person from like security cameras because they were kept finding like human shit everywhere. And it turned out it was, I think somebody that worked at the high school. So that is doing, that is not tradition or anything. That is somebody who's trying to provoke, you know. Right. It's become a thing for them.

Are they trying to get caught on? Yeah. Yeah. I think they're trying to, they're enjoying that it's being talked about in the community. It's in the news. You know what I mean? Like they're, it's kind of psychopathic. I could see you getting into that.

Oh, thanks. I could, I could see you starting to like the thrill of the, the chase, so to speak. I'm trying to find you. Yeah. What is this right here? This is a thrill. Oh. Oh my God.

That's a fetish getting punched in the face. You're listening to an Asian nurse punching a guy in the face. This is a thrill for some people. Look at any space. Nice. Wow. Into it. Yep.

Hard as a rock. Oh. Dude. Oh. Oh, the nurse has taken off her nurse costume. You know, I've never had a nurse do that. Ow. Fuck.

I just saw her bush. Did you? Look at her bush. I think her bush is. Is her hand wrapped? Yeah. God damn, man. She's protecting her knuckles.

But I mean, I know she's not that powerful, but that feels like over and over on the same spot would get irritating. Yeah. I've seen a scene once where the actress slapped me and, dude, I'm telling you, they had told her to do it to get my reaction the first time because it did get like, because it was not in the script and I got this. And then she kept doing it. I was like, hey, because she wasn't a lightweight and she, you know, and she wasn't doing, there's

play slapping like in movies and TV, you're supposed to like, you do it, yeah, you hit it with like these, like your fingers are kind of, and then you coordinate it, right? And then they do like kind of, she was just open-fant hand hitting me in the face. And I was like, yo, yo, you weigh as much as me. Nah. Stop. She's a big girl. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, that looks like it hurts more. The open hand slap. Oh, fuck. Oh, I don't like this one. Who sent that in? Yeah. Yeah.

Just found it in the email. See, that's one. Your mom's podcast is gmail.com. Just a gift. Your mom's podcast. But that's a fetish that I wouldn't, wouldn't think that makes someone's dick hard, but it does. No, I think it falls in line with the ball kicking.

Yeah. Yeah. It's being dominated and controlled by the pretty girl. I would do the money control where you're like, you stupid fuck, give me $100. And then they have to give it to you and your Venmo or whatever. That's easy money. This chick is working way too hard. You're always at all about that.

Yeah. The financial ones. Yeah. What are you doing this stuff for? Hurting your knuckles, ruining your manicure. You have to squat over this guy. You could do the ball kicking too, you think. Easily.

Because you have the anger inside of you. The rage inside of me. And you want to see the man collapse. Well, if he likes it, if he likes it, I'm just making somebody happy. Back to straws. You are back to straws. It's so much better keeping your teeth white. They're giving you straws again because of the pandemic.

Oh, cool. Yeah. Fuck the turtles, right? Fuck them. And just to reiterate what we were discussing at the beginning, I think it's important to make a point here, okay? Oh, my God. Look at Dick Sucks on your way to...

I'm looking for you, though. Damn. So you was looking for... What do you want me to... He beat my dick and me and backed up. The bitch want to suck dick? I want to suck my dick. Dude, this guy is getting...

Dick sucks. He's like, what do we do? My dick's all backed up. But he was on his way to her. And he was looking for you? Yeah. I got you on my mind. Yeah.

I will not cheat on you, chivalry. You did! You said, J.R., you already cheated. We're supposed to wait till we get married to do what we do when you get my break. But you walk the work and you like a bitch and you like to suck your dick. You can always tell when someone has game by the way they handle being in trouble. And when he's like, that's when you know someone is suave and smooth with words. For sure.

Because he's like, I would never do that shit to you. She's like, you already did! And he's like, uh-uh, I'm thinking about you right now. I'm looking for you. What do you want me to do? That's my explanation. I was on my way to you though. This dude knows how to talk, for sure.

That easy! 33 inches, you do all that digging. You don't want to get on a pussy. You don't want to keep running the house, parking the car. I don't want to see where the fuck you at. Are you serious? So that gives you an excuse to fucking just cheat on me. I ain't cheating.

A dick suck ain't cheating. That is! A dick suck ain't cheating. That is cheating. That's oral sex. So what? It's a dick suck. It's not fucking a bitch.

It's not fucking a man laying beside her and all that. That's all bullshit. Okay. I'm telling you right now, they're still together. I'm telling you right now. This couple's going to be together for life. Forever. They're thriving on this nonsense.

Every few years I'll be like, are we back to these dick sucks again? He's like, fuck it. I went for a walk. I was trying to get you a present for your birthday. I come around the corner and wear my dick all back up. What am I supposed to do? Remember you said you didn't want to fuck last night. As he said, I couldn't understand really what's happening.

He's like, you're not putting out so I got to get my dick sucked. He's like, you know, I'm working and yeah, you're not really, you know, you want to put things off and I actually got my dick sucked. I like that she's live streaming this argument too. That's the craziest part. See, here's why they'll stay together. She has the one up of your behavior led to me. Like I got to humiliate you.

And then he'll use that when this is brought up. He'll be like, you put that shit up for everyone to see. That was humiliating. So she actually got one up on him and then all he got was his poor little dick. You know what? You're 100% right. This is the couple. When you go out for dinner with them, it's immediately uncomfortable because the woman

is like, well, maybe if he did the chores or maybe if he made a little more money. Am I right? They complain about it's so embarrassing. It's the worst. But they love it. The two of them will be like. And it's always the woman in those scenarios who feels the right. Like there's something about like a guy who talks to humiliate his lady feels abusive.

That's crazy. He feels abusive. Yeah. But the woman who humiliates the man, it's just embarrassing. It's so painful. God damn. I hate it. I can't have couple friends like that.

It's like the Jenny thing. Yeah. Yeah. Once you lose weight. Yeah. Used to be in shape and he was like, Jesus Christ. Yeah. But they've been together for like 30 years.

Yeah. He's like, you like your life? Huh? You like this house? And that's their dynamic. You're right. Some couples just thrive on this stuff. You know, it is for some reason, I think it's just the dynamic of the man being more powerful.

It can be entertaining. Powerful physically. Yeah. Oh, like he could kill you. Yeah. He could kill you. And also he usually has the leg up in society. Yeah.

So if the man does it, it does feel like this is bad. We got to go. But when the woman does it, it's like, it's kind of entertaining. When the woman shames you. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of, because you're like. Oh, that's right.

Because the power dynamic. The power dynamic is different. But it's still, it's still, it's horrible. Mm-hmm. Babe, it's just dick sucks. It's just dick sucks. Should we do that shirt? It's just dick sucks.

Dick Sutton ain't cheating. That's a fun shirt. Dick sucks ain't cheating. You would sell. Dick sucks ain't cheating. No. What I found is that all the crass stuff, we've done crass things. It doesn't work.

It doesn't work. Because who wants to broadcast that message? Yeah. They're like, what's your shirt saying? Yeah. Dick sucks ain't cheating. Dick sucks ain't cheating. It's so foul.

You know, people are like, I can't wear this. It's so foul. Yeah. Maybe if it's just like a pajama shirt or something that you just wear on the house. Yeah. Like a quarantine gear. Well, if we're staying in the dick suck lane. Yeah.

I mean, why don't we just kind of get into. Today I want to talk about a topic that not many seem to think they need to know about until it's too late. Getting cum stains out of different materials and out of your life. Is it really? Okay. You are embarking on a quickie and getting it on a nice blouser on your clothes or you've got it on your sheets or you've got it on your face.

We got it. All the places that can go. The most important thing to do is act quickly. Okay. Something tells me she's not so concerned with hygiene. If you look at that background, the background's terrible. I mean, the bed is the sheets ripped up. She doesn't make her bed.

What's all that? I know. Photographic equipment. She looks crazy. She looks enthusiastic. I mean, she has a good demeanor for making a video, a good presentation, but not the background. It's like I wish she would set this up as an infomercial.

You ever want to get out of the house, but there's cum on your dress? That's a good idea. Or like right now, she's like, let's talk about it cum and then a load comes flying in from off camera. See, she needs production. This is where we come in. We're helping you. She needs producers.

Yep. Exactly. She's got a good message. Let's talk about number one. Hydrogen peroxide. So that is a wonderful, wonderful tool, but also any sort of detergent based product will help in removal. That's what detergents do, right?

Doesn't that should remove everything? That's the point. Another important thing to remember is never use warm water when you are washing outcome. Use cool water. The warm water is going to make it worse, I promise. Really? I would disagree because when I wash cum off my body, warm showers tend to be the thing. I think it's different.

Cold showers. I think that'd be a different video. Well, the video would be called, do you ever have cum on your body and you want to rinse it off? But don't you find this, this debate happens in like the cleaning a pan community? Grease. How do you get grease off a pan? Cold water or hot water?

I always say hot water. Well, let's see. Let's see. Say you get it on your sheets. Go get yourself a rag and then just kind of dab at it. Allow the cool water on the napkin or preferably rag for your bedding to soak and it should clean up most of that issue so that you don't have to wash your sheets in a hole. Or you can just wash your sheets.

If you've got it on a t-shirt, throw that t-shirt in the wash or don't wash it with some other stuff. Done. But if you've got it on a really, really nice article of clothing, take that into the dry cleaner. They know what they're doing. Wait, that's your solution? Yeah.

Basically, she's like wipe it with a towel. I mean, she's basically like if you get come on a shirt, put that in the wash. Yeah. If it's nice stuff, take it to the cleaners. But and secondly, aren't you embarrassed that there's come on your shirt that you're going to take to the cleaner? I don't know. I'd be embarrassed.

Now, another thing to keep in mind is come does weird things when it's mixed with water. So if you've got a big come glob in your shower, make sure to rinse that down as well. Because it can be a little bit uncomfortable, sticky and globby if you are stepping in it. Jesus Christ. Who's coming in her showers? How much come is in her showers? Well, she's like, I just did a fucking gang bang. There's a lot of come.

Geez. It is important to be reminded and to really kind of acknowledge the fact that there are easier ways to get that come out than panicking. Panic. I was panicked. I'm not panicking. I'm like, I can just come out right now and ruin my moms here. And it's not.

I'd never have found it to be that harsh of a substance. It's not like red wine on our couch. I've never thought that people are like, I just, I need a video, some explanation, especially because I thought she was going to give us like a trick. You know what I mean? Like something where she's like, you take a cotton swab, you get just this much vinegar. Club soda. Yeah.

You know, she's like, take showers, rinse it off, wash it. Okay. It's not. Thank you all so much for letting me yap on and on about cleaning come out of your fabrics and your life. And I hope that this helps you in an emergency situation. Keep those white rags close. Don't use warm water and hydrogen peroxide could be your best friend.

Okay. So. Well, hydrogen peroxide. Hydrogen peroxide, that's a good one, I guess. I did not. I also can't say that don't use warm water, but I also don't know that that's true. Don't use warm water. She's saying that cold cold water is better for washing.

Come. I don't know. I don't know if that's true. You guys dealing come more than I do. I don't. You tell me. I never clean. I just.

What? I mean, if I could come on something, I just fucking throw it away. What? Not in the garbage. I'm just saying I just don't deal with it. You throw it in the laundry. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That seems to me. It seems like what I do, if I get any type of stain on anything, I'm just like, well, I guess I'll put this in the dirty clothes now. Yeah. Now I know why our housekeeper wears gloves. I mean, even before this pandemic, one time I saw our housekeeper cleaning our sheets and she had latex gloves and I was like, that's smart.

She knows who she's dealing with. And then she put my cock ring in a nice little Ziploc bag. Yeah. And you thought she didn't know what it was because she's Cuban. Babe, she knows. They don't have that there. She knows. She does not know.

She thinks it's an iPad. She doesn't know what that is. What iPad? Why do you think she put it in the Ziploc bag because she knew it goes a nasty part? She hints she goes, Ferrari? Ferrari. And I was like, no. Don't worry about it.

She didn't know. She didn't know. This feels like half a tutorial. I want to know more about this chick because I feel like she's got a lot of wisdom. She talks a lot. I want you, you're giving me shit today, but can you pull up the drip that I set you? Oh my God. You guys are looking at the hard fucking elevated dad flex that I fucking...

You're looking at his shirt that he's wearing right now and half of it's cool. Look at that shit. And I like the top half, but then if you'll see that white tag hanging down, that's a tag that you're supposed to leave on the shirt. It's off white. What's that mean? That's the brand? Yeah.

May I see the tag right now? Sure. Babe, that is ridiculous. That's ridiculous. They want you to keep it on there. I mean, ask my fashionistas. Check out this. Isn't that cool or not to leave the tag on?

Scroll it. Yeah, look at those. Look at those LeBrons on. I like your shoes. My pants. I think the pants are a little flamboyant for you. Here's what I would have done. I would have toned down the pants to wear those kicks.

Really? Yeah. I think it goes well together. It's a lot of flair. Let's just have any way in. Yeah, and he's the fashionista. I like it, man. I think the shirt, you can use like a jacket, you know what I'm saying, kind of complete.

You got a lot of colors going on the bottom. I would like to see that. A jacket on top. On the jacket, yeah. What do you think of the off-white tag hanging still? Oh, yeah. Hanging the tag off is still cool. Cool.

It never stopped. It's still dope. Yeah. It shows it's brand new. It's also, for this, this is not like the plastic strip on a price tag. This is a different type of tag hanging. You know what I mean? But the deal is, is that it's not brand new because it's sewn onto the shirt so that

it is brand new. Every time you wear it, it's supposed to say, it's supposed to look brand new. Right? That's the point is that every time you wear it, you wear the tag. I know it is brand new in this case, but the next time you wear it, the tags are going to stay there, right? That's the point. As far as I know, yeah.

I mean, I can't, I would not feel comfortable taking this off. So embarrassing. It is not embarrassing. Any, you don't think it's embarrassing that a 49-year-old man is wearing a 70-year-old man is wearing tags? I will be 41 in two days. I know. I can't believe it.

I have so many surprises for you. No idea. I'm so excited, but I think you look ridiculous. I rarely am in awe of my own drip, but I am right here. It looks real nice. I think it's stupid. Now. The tag shirt.

And then we listened to music on the way over here and it was, I go put on some music because I was driving the car and it was mall music. It was not mall music. It was, yeah. First I put on, put it in your mouth. Yeah, I don't like that. It was a little gross. You got real upset and then I put on some Travis Scott and you were like.

What is this? Because it's like, it was very like tic tic tic tic tic tic tic. It's like that auto tune. You're like, why is this right here? Girl I like you. Girl girl. I was like, oh my God. This is for teenagers, man.

So we had an actual real situation the other day. You're going to bring this up? Yeah. I think it's worth it. So. I've been, I'm dreading actually this. Really? Yeah.

Can you see the dread in my heart? I was like, this motherfucker is going to bring this shit up. Let's just talk about it. So we had a, they moved a mailbox in our house. It was like in one section and then these guys moved it for me and they had to drill a new hole into the lock mechanism and they gave me a key. So they gave me the key and they just put some a tag on it, like a, what's it called? Like a post-it almost, right?

And it just says mailbox. Like, all right. So I've been using that and it's on this counter when you walk into our home that has kind of some bullshit and a bunch of keys. So a few days ago by and Christina's like, have you gotten the mail? And I go, no. And she's like, well, we should get the mail. It's been a few days.

And she actually, you, you left. You were gone for a minute. I think maybe you were doing where my mom's at or something. And I was like, all right, I'm going to take care of that right now. So I go to that table and I start and I, because there's also a bunch of unmarked keys like loose keys. I grabbed them all and I, I empty that table. So now there's nothing on it.

Like there's nothing on it. It's completely empty. And I put all those keys in another area and I take them one by one to open the mailbox. And I spent a lot of time doing it. So I'm like, maybe that tag fell off, you know, that said mailbox. So that's why I don't know which key it is. It's been a lot of time doing it and it's not, none of them work. So I'm like, fuck, we have lost this key now.

And we just replaced the fucking mailbox. Yeah. We just replaced it. So I'm like, God damn it. So anyways, you come back and I'm like, you go, oh, were you able to, I go, no, I went through all the keys, none of them work. I think we've lost that key and, you know, we're just going to have to deal with it and get another key.

A couple of days go by and it comes up again, like, oh, yeah, we need to call that guy to have him fix it. And I'm in like the living room with our kids. And then you walk away and you come back with mail and you're like, I got the mail. I'm like, how'd you get the mail? And she goes, because I found the key and I go, where? Where was it? And she goes on that table, like the table that, that you went through all the keys.

And I go, well, then, you know, you didn't find it. She goes, no, I did find it because it was there. I go, no, no, no, I went through all those keys. That key wasn't there. That means that it's been placed there since then and she goes, no, no, I found it. But I did. I don't know. Let me, let me finish.

I go, no, you didn't. You've somebody found the key and then you picked it up from the place because it wasn't there. And there's only one way to describe what you did in that situation, which is stolen valor. You took the credit that somebody else should be given for finding it. She's trying to say that she found the key, but she didn't find it. She placed the lost key in the place that keys go.

And she just picked it up. She goes, now I found it. The finder is the person who found where it was when it was lost. This is stolen valor. This is the same. This is the same thing as a guy who was like, yeah, I served in Vietnam. I, you know, I was there with my, my fellow Marines and I remember rescuing them and then they give them a purple heart.

Find out. He was in Pittsburgh. He was, he was at Permanente brothers eating sandies. No, you weren't in not, you didn't serve and you didn't find that key. I just want to make that clear. I've, you've been upset with me for days. He legit got mad at me and he was like, this is stolen valor. So first of all, he was so mad at me.

So you're right. This is the key things been going on for, for days. And I just go, okay, well, it's my turn to bat. Like I'm the seeker of the house. It's my, see, this is what bothers me. Okay. You are a seeker and you do find it and I give you credit the time and you actually seek and find what I'm saying is that you do, you do not deserve seek and find credit on a gift.

When one just, here you go, that's not a seeking in order for it to be stolen valor. I had to have been aware of the valor stolen. And then I, how was I to know that in the meantime, it had been found by someone else. I literally thought when I went to the credenza, I thought, well, my good fortune. I can't believe I found the key. This is amazing because it is a makeshift key chain. I made that key chain. Tell us about your time in the Navy.

Oh my God. It was a duct tape key chain that I made. So I thought, well, maybe Tom didn't see it because it's an odd thing. He was tucked under something and I literally was like, oh, easy peasy lemon squeezy. I'm the seeker of the house. I can't believe my good luck. I'm going to go and impress my husband with my seeking abilities. I did not claim somebody else's valor, Tom.

I genuinely thought I had found it in order. I'm upset that you're claiming that I am a stolen. It diminished the work that I did. It diminished the time that I spent doing it. Oh my God. It doesn't. You're crazy. You're absolutely reckless with your language.

Oh my God. It is not stolen valor. If I'm not aware of, I wasn't claiming someone else's work. I genuinely was ignorant of the fact, so what did you do? So I caught them with a mail and then what did you do, you psychopath? I think if we were to tell a judge about this, they would throw you in jail. They would throw you in jail. But listen to what this psychopath does.

So I get the mail. This is 100% true. He's so angry with me because I come in and I was like, dude, what's the problem? He was on the credenza the whole time. He gets so mad. He goes, no, no, you do not get credit. No, no. And then he came back 30 seconds, a minute later, and he goes, Claudia found it.

That's our nanny. She found it outside and she put it on the credit and I go, OK, babe, I don't know what to tell you. I literally, so basically he had to go confirm that I can't get the credit for finding it. Did you talk to your shrink about this one? Because I'm totally ignorant of, OK, and he's so mad, stolen valor, and I heard about stolen valor all fucking night, like a psycho, OK, stolen valor. And then he would say to me like, I'd be like, babe, I just fed the dog.

Did you or did someone else feed the dog? Babe, I took a shower. Did you or did someone else take the shower? Oh my God. I don't know that Claudia found it or anything. I just made that part up. Are you serious? Yeah.

No, are you being fucking? Yes. Wait a minute. You're fucking with me. Right? No. Dude, you fucking asshole. So wait a minute.

So theoretically, I very well could have found it on the credenza like I originally thought. No, I just didn't ask her, but you know, it wasn't there. Well, wait a minute, though. But in order for me to have stolen someone's valor, you have to confirm the valor from which I stole. You told me Claudia found it, and now you're telling me that you did not confirm that fact with her? I did not confirm that.

Oh my God. So I did find the fucking mailbox key. You found it after it was placed there. By whom? Who? Babe. Who fucking put it there? Obviously.

No, your eyes are old and sucky because you're old and you missed it. No, I didn't miss it. You must have missed it. Babe, the table was empty. Listen to me. The table. Listen. The table is dark-ish.

The key chain is dark, too. Like the table. You don't understand. You don't understand. Oh my God. You don't understand. You're fucking crazy. You're going crazy in your old age.

Right, Nadav? Is it stolen valor? A little crazy. It's sounding a little crazy from this side of the baby. Why? Why? Yeah. Why?

Because of the level of anger that you were at immediately after she found it. First of all, it sounds like you had a whole internal struggle that she wasn't aware of finding that key, right? Yeah. Well, I mean, I just spent a lot of time. Right. Right. So when she found the mailbox key instead of being like, oh good, there it is.

Your instinct is to go, fuck you, you didn't find it. Yes. That's insane. No, it's not. No, it's not. But I did find it. No, you didn't. Because now he's telling me that Claudia didn't find it.

Listen to me. You didn't find it. She's the only other person that comes into the house. This is the part you guys are not registering, okay? Thank you, Nadav. Thank you. No. Listen, the amount, first of all, we have a lot of military veterans that listen to

this show and watch this show. And when they hear this story, they're going to be so upset with you. They're going to be so upset with you. These guys went to boot camp. They've been on tours. They know what it is to sacrifice for our freedom and for our country. And you're just like, oh, I'm just going to walk in and take it away and I don't give a shit.

I'll just act like I went to boot camp too. You didn't go to boot camp and you didn't find that key. But I did. I did. And now that you're telling me that Claudia didn't find it, I did find the fucking key. We want to hear specifically from Army veterans, Marines, Naval people, Air Force vets. Oh my God. No, please.

Tell us about what it's like to really serve. No. And don't let Christina go, oh, I just showed up today. Do I get a uniform? Where's my guy? Oh my God. Yeah. But in order to steal someone's valor, the person has to be aware that they're stealing.

You're telling me that I'm, I really thought you had confirmed this with Claudia. I cannot believe it. She's the only other person that comes into our home. So then now who could have, you're fucking crazy. He's turning into a, the shining, somebody put his face on. Yeah. Yeah. It's all working no play and the doors shut because I'm fucking working all working no

play. And now he has an office in this house we live in. And boy, God forbid if one of us goes in there when he's not around or maybe the kid wanders in there, the other day I turned off the light because it was time to go to sleep and he was like, you in my office? What are you in my office for? Get out of there. Get out of there.

Oh my God. Oh my God. You psycho. What the fuck is wrong? So much misdirected anger. Yeah. This is why I have to milk this bear on a regular milking schedule otherwise life gets very tough for me and the kids.

In all honesty though, in all honesty, there's nothing more revolting than stolen valor. I did not steal valor. Here's what you're not understanding guys. Oh my God. As I can tell in the booth, you're horrible jurors right now. You don't understand the full. We just need a better. That table was emptied.

It was emptied. There was nothing. It would be like saying like, what's on this right now? Completely empty. It was empty. Yes. You weren't there. You weren't there.

Now your glasses. I see that they're on your face right now, Tom. Are they on your face when you were doing this whole mailbox thing? No. No. Wait, but another pair we're on. So these are only for the office. Oh okay, but like seeing not like sunglasses or something.

Yana, may I submit to the jury a piece of evidence? Now the reason I am called the seeker in the house is because he'll be like, I can't find my wallet. I can't find my fucking wallet. And then I'll go upstairs and I will literally next to his bed. What's the record? So this is a hostile witness, Your Honor? Literally this is the wallet and I'll go into his nightstand and I'll go, here's your wallet

and you go, why'd you find that? How'd you find that witchcraft? How'd you know that wizardry? And I'll go because I lifted up the cloth, the sweater that was covering it. Like he's not a good looker. He's not. Like I have to be very specific with you like babe, can you go downstairs and get the baby mutter?

Where is it? It's on the counter. Is it near the coffee machine or is it near the like, it's on the fucking counter in the kitchen. What about the plug? It's right next to the thing. I don't know. Just look.

He's not a good looker. He's not a good seeker. You're not a good seeker. Can you just admit to that? All right. Yeah. Yeah. You've got those.

But I will say this, I would never disrespect our Army Rangers, our Special Forces, Green Berets, Navy Seals. You guys, I respect so much what you've done and I would never be like, I know what it's like to do what you do. I don't know if she can say the same thing. You and your fucking mole eyes. You've got dad mole eyes. What's mole eyes?

You know, moles have poor vision. Okay. You never had Thumbelina. The point is Thumbelina, children's story, but the mole with poor vision. Okay. No, Dick sucks ain't cheating. Dick sucks ain't cheating. So anyway, that's been my problem with you this week in quarantine.

Also, I've got some big news. Yeah. Really big news. May I have some sound effects, please? Oh, okay. This will shatter the listeners to their core. Okay. I don't know what I'm looking for.

Like chips in a bowl. I want explosions. I know. This is Captain Marcel. My sister went down. I went down to the mountain. I don't know where those are. Okay.

Can you make the noise with your mouth, please? Retarded. There you go. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good new one. S-A-R-T.

There you go. These are all good sounds. Calm, man. I'll make you calm. All of those. Okay. Now, let's just say this quarantine has changed many people's lives. In big ways.

In big ways. It's affected our day-to-day existence. It's affected everyone's lives. In the past, I have been very vocal about my preference for Skippy, peanut butter. Smooth, not crunchy. Because of this quarantine and shortage of said Skippy in the grocery store. And flour, by the way. I can't get a bag of flour to save my goddamn life.

Or Nutella. Forget about Nutella. I can't get it anywhere. I've been eating Jiff. Creamy, not crunchy. And the other day, I got some Jiff. I mean, Skippy left over, I found a little bit of Skippy, I tasted it. I don't like it anymore.

You have converted. This is one of the original arguments we had. I'm saying right now, and I'll say it into the camera, I like Jiff over Skippy. It makes me forgive you for stealing Valor. It does. It makes me think that, you know what? You're crazy. And now that I know Claudia didn't even find the keys, you're absolutely...

You lied to me. You bold-faced lied to me. To your face. You really lied to me. And I really walked around feeling messed up, like, did I steal Valor? Did I feel bad? You had me guessing everything inside of me. No.

I take it back. I like Skippy. I'm not on Team Jiff. No, you said you were Team Jiff, and I appreciate it. Don't touch me. Psycho hand. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. But I will say... I love you, Zana do. You're going to bring her up right now. But can we talk about it? Yeah.

It tastes more like Jiff now. It's sugary, and it tastes more like real peanuts. And I tried Skippy after I'd been getting used to Jiff. What's the comparison? Yeah, what is it? Well, now Skippy tastes like a greasy, flavorless pan. It just tastes like grease. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. The oily... And Jiff tastes... Peanutty delicious. Yeah. I totally... That's an immigrant thing.

That's like how I use aquafresh toothpaste. That's my dad raised me on. I still like aquafresh. Right. But it is... Aquafresh. Yeah. But I do...

I like Jiff now. Also, I hate to admit it, but you got me into fake grass. I tried to convince her of this a while ago. I'm embarrassed. And that like, you know, it's also you save water, you save landscaping, all that stuff. And she was like, nah, it must not have been real grass, it must not have been real grass. Oh my God. And she'd do that.

And then I was like, Jesus Christ. And I kept trying to get her to do it. So we got a nice little patch of fake grass and the verdict. I love it. It's fantastic. Now, the only thing I don't understand is how does it collect the water and the dog peas on it. Yeah.

Like do we have to change it out a lot or... I don't know anything about it either. Oh, this shit hurt. I don't know the function of it or anything, but it is amazing. It looks so much better and it's easier. And these days, you know, because they had fake grass when we were kids. Yeah. And it was like, it was shit.

Now it looks and feels like grass. It's amazing. Wait, I'm sorry. I'm still stuck on this. When you walked away and you came back and you told me, you said, I texted Claudia. She said she found them outside. That was a lie. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Because I was so upset. Well, the thing was... You lied to me. Yeah. I mean, I believed you. You know what?

We should do it. Why don't we call her right now? Sure. Let's see if she did. Let's see if she did. I can't fucking believe it. And I was like, wow. And I go, you texted her?

Like, I couldn't believe you were this fired up. And then when you told me she found it, I thought, okay, I guess I did something. I must have done something wrong. But the truth is, I'm the seeker. I'm just a better seeker. You are the seeker. I do give you credit for that. I find everything in the house, babe.

It's my job. I find lovies. I find passies. I find... Please leave your message. Oh, we don't get good reception. Yeah. Damn.

It's lunchtime. Here's the thing. She probably did find it and put it there. Damn. I found it. No, no. I made that keychain. I'm saying she probably found it and put it where you ended up finding it.

Okay. Well, we'll find out. Yeah. Now I'm mad that you lied to me and you came back like you really did that. I know. How much are you lying to me because your acting is good? That's the problem is I don't lie to you because I'm not good. Right.

You're a professional liar. You're scaring me now. How much are you fucking like Ellis? You're like, oh, go look, something's flying outside and then you trick him and he looks over here and then, you know, you're just tricking me left and right. Left and right. What else are you lying to me about? You shut up.

You do the show. Oh my God. All right. Red flags. Anyways. Oh, yeah. Xanadu. Let's discuss Xanadu.

Okay. Let's talk about Xanadu. So I've been getting into wigs now because, well, I've wanted to for a long time. But this is kind of the best time because these roots ain't getting any better and I can't see my hairdresser for months. Months. It's going to look like shit come July when we finally can. So I've been ordering these.

There's going to be a bunch of gray dogs walking around for sure. A lot of gray dogs, a lot of bitches like me. Those roots. Those roots coming in and it's not going to be cute. Do you remember when you had your hair done one time? Yeah. My God. I know you're thinking that.

And you got it brown. I was going to the Middle East to do gigs for our troops, by the way, for the United States military, the Marines, the Navy, and the Army to Afghanistan. I flew into Kyrgyzstan. Did you tell them one day I will betray you in a way that you will never ever forget? Saudi Arabia. I even did gigs there. So I was kind of self-conscious about being a blondie going to these really volatile parts.

And I decided to have my hair dyed brown, like to match kind of what's going on here. You were so upset. I came home. I've never in 15 years seen you like this. I cried. She looked great, by the way. No, I didn't. You did.

I don't like brown. No, my hairdresser did a great job. I know that's what I'm trying to say. He did a great job. Not Allen's fault. No, but you flipped about it. It's just my identity to be a blonde. I grew up blonde.

I just, it's who I am. I don't like having brown hair. It's who I am. It's like if Native didn't have his beautiful fiery red locks. So any hoodles, I've been getting into wigs. I'm starting to watch all the videos on YouTube and I learned that you can't watch the white girls. I watch black ladies only because they know what the fuck is up with wigs.

And they're teaching me how to cut my lace and they're teaching me how to fucking glue that shit on and create baby hairs. It's awesome. So on Amazon, I've been buying all kinds of fun wigs and last night I debuted Xanadu. Xanadu. Yeah. She's got, she's got bleachy, silvery, about to hear and then it's pink, long like Cardi B.

Yeah. I'll tell you something, I get rock hard right away, right away. How uncomfortable is this making all of our listeners? Is this like hearing mom and dad talk about? Maybe. I don't know. But you love it. I do.

And I feel like for quarantine life, it's kind of the way to go. It's great. Plus you do more chores after. Chores. Chores. When I manipulate you sexually. What did I do? No, but I feel like you're more amenable.

Now I didn't realize you're lying to me about key stuff, but before that, you're much nicer once I've milked you with a wig on. I didn't lie to you. It's husband management. I didn't lie to you. I presented the likely scenario. You said you texted her and she. Yeah.

Because here's the thing. That is crazy, Tom. That's not with a normal. Here's the thing. I would never be like, I texted somebody. I had never lied to you on that scale. I know. I was so upset.

But. I tried calling her again. I mean, I can't believe you lied to me. Why? What else have you lied about in 15 years together? I can't believe you fucking lied like that, babe. Well, I had to. You're out of your mind.

You got to talk to your shrink about this one. You were triggered up, man. Died again. Yeah. Reception. Yeah. Fuck, man. You lied.

All right. I would never be like, let me go text somebody and imaginary texting and then come back. I know because what happened was I go, I should text her and find out that you obviously stole the Valor and then in that moment I was like, I'll just say that I did, you know. Wow. We got to go to marriage counseling. Over that. This is crazy.

Really? Babe, you straight up lied to me. You never, I mean, I haven't caught you lying to me like this before. Is that a, you think that's a big lie? Yeah. It's the beginning. It's a slippery slope. What else are you lying to me about?

Oh my God. I knew it. I knew it. You've got a double life. Remember how I was joking to you? Yeah. And I'm like, wouldn't it be crazy if you had like a second family? What if I did?

Different. What if I had a second family in Utah? What if I did? Okay. Anyways. There's a lot of connecting flights at Salt Lake City. Yeah. But I'm glad you like Xanadu.

I'm going to, I've got some other wigs coming. I've got a blue lady coming. I've got a blonde wig coming, like a white one. Dude, how about we did our pre-show meeting and we're talking about the dentist? Oh my God. Yeah. And Potter. He's got a fucking problems too.

Oh. I don't know who's crazier. You are Potter right now. Well, this is, how did we bring this up? I don't think mine's that crazy. Wait. Nobody thinks that. I mean, it is crazy.

But yeah. But wait a minute. How did we bring this up? What were we talking about? We were talking because you're talking about becoming 20 milligram Tom. Right. And I was saying how like, before I had, I don't remember why, but I, before I smoked weed, I used to have a little bit more of a trigger.

That's what it was. You're like, if I hadn't discovered weed, we're talking about weed consumption. Yeah. Like if I hadn't discovered weed, I think I would be, you know, this other person. Like, yeah, there would be some like, you know. Because you didn't start. Temper issues. Yeah.

You didn't start smoking weed until what age? Like, I didn't start, I'd never, my first time was when I was 19, I decided to make it a daily ritual at 22. At 22. Yeah. So before, and then we were like. When I started to stand up actually. Yeah.

So then you're like, wait, how could that be such a thing? And then. Well, I gave you an example of a time when perhaps I wasn't as patient as maybe I should have been or I wasn't, what's the word? I didn't handle myself, you know, the way a person probably should. Yeah. In a situation at the dentist's office. And it was, you know, the dentist was doing his thing and dentists have the propensity

to not only lecture you about what you're doing wrong. Yeah. Oral hygiene. Right. But then they also like to add a bit of a tone of demeaning. A demeaning tone. A demeaning tone. Kind of condescending.

A condescending tone. That just, it really doesn't sit well with me. And in the moment at that time, I was about 14 and he kept just like making like, oh, you know, he was getting really like, it's like, yeah, I was like, yeah, I get it. You know what I mean? But he just kept laying into it. What was he saying? I don't remember the specifics of it, but it was just the typical.

It was like. Because here's the thing. When I think about the. You're not flossing. Like when I look back at it, I don't remember. It's like the teacher from Charlie Brown is going like, want, want, want. But his, the tone and the way that he said it to me is so, that one is so specific. But the words are just noise.

Right. Do you know what I mean? But the tone is essentially like. So disrespectful. Like, hey, idiot. Yeah. Do what I'm telling you to do. Yeah.

Like you wouldn't have this problem. Not even like I'm an idiot. Yeah. Like I am not a person. Like I am, like I am some hobo on the street that you can just be like, listen, you fucking nothing. Like that kind of thing. Yeah.

Like I got to the point after I said something to him about it, I said, okay, I get it. Do you know what I mean? Like I made it. Right. Yeah. I got it. Clear that I got it and kept saying something. I go, listen, if you talk to me like that again, I'm going to take that scrappy thing

and put it in your neck. And then he said, what? And I said, don't talk to me like that. It's not going to. It's not going to go. Like I was upset. Like I was getting really very, I'm getting very enraged right. I mean, it probably doesn't wait now.

Let's go back. But my blood is boiling. Let's pause. Let's pause for a moment. Yeah. Yeah. How old were you when you said this to this man? About 14 or so.

14 or 15. So he was condescending. Yeah. And demeaning. Disrespectful. Very disrespectful. I don't handle that particularly well. It doesn't sound like it.

Had you been disrespected before by somebody that? Oh, all the, but it's a level of it because like I can handle, you know, people can talk shit to me or whatever, a ball bust, whatever. There's a difference than when a person in society talks to you in a certain way. Of course. When you're the dentist and it's like, okay, man, I get it, like, I know I suck at whatever and I should do it better. I get that you have to tell me that or whatever.

It's part of the lecture. But when you have a certain tone about it where you treat me like I'm subhuman, I'm not going to allow that to go down. And back then I didn't handle it politically as I maybe would in this day and age as an adult. But yeah. And I got to him and he said, what? And I told him, and then he just left the room and he went and he just told my, and

then my dad came into the room and he's like, what are you doing? And I was like, this guy thinks he can fucking just talk to me like I'm some fucking asshole, like just because my teeth are shitty or something, like, fuck him. And then we just, we didn't go to that dentist anymore after that. And did you finish what you were doing that day or no? No, I mean, it was done. It was done. I mean, he was, I mean, it was.

I don't know if I had like half a cleaning or three quarter where he was in the process. But he must have been saying it repeatedly to you to get that reaction, right? Yeah. He just kept going back at it. Like it was multiple times. Yeah. It was to the point where I said to him, I get it like sternly. I get it, man.

Yeah. You know? And then he just was like, just kind of like, even just like muttering things under his breath and things like that. And it's just to the point where like, and my sister had it too, she's said to me since and she was like, yeah, that dentist like made me cry one time. Oh, wow. So this guy really might have been a real dick.

Yeah. Yeah. So I mean, but the boldness of a 14 year old being like, I will put this instrument in your neck. That was a 14 year old. Josh was a bit more brash. I would say. Were you saying like that all the time to people?

I mean, if they, if they, if I felt like I was disrespected, I would say shit like that to me. Really? Can you think of another time you were to talk like that? Nothing like that where it's like a dentist or anything. It's more just kind of like impassing or maybe probably to other kids mostly. Yeah. So like in school, were you like, I'll fucking crack your head wide open.

I would say shit like that, but I was also like small, you know what I mean? So I would, I would have to make it elaborate, you know, where it was like real fucked up so that they would not fuck, you know, like, I can't say like, I'm going to smash your head through something because like there's probably physically no way that I could do that. Right. So someday you're going to go to sleep and, and you're not going to know what might happen to you in that moment or what might not happen to, you know, things like that, like just

ominous, ominous threats more than I was like, you know, I, like I said, I couldn't threaten physical violence in the moment. I had to like make it scarier in some way, you know? Wow. I mean, I've been triggered, uh, recently I was triggered by somebody, remember I had a bee sting that was getting swollen and in fact, like infected and I was alone with the kids and I had to go to urgent care. Oh yeah.

This is like recently and this mother, I'm an urgent care, right? What's the first word? Urgent. Urgent sense of hustle. There was one doctor on duty. It wasn't a fucking doctor. He was an RN or whatever. Oh yeah.

So I hear this motherfucker lolly gagging in the room next to me talking about boats and Florida and this and that. And I'm like, I gotta go, bro. Like I got, you know, I got two kids. I got my arm is all fucking swelling up. I hear him laughing like a donkey and doing his bullshit. So finally when he gets it, I've been, he keeps me waiting for like 20 minutes, lolly gagging, talking about golf.

I was like this motherfucker, old white man motherfucker. I was like already like this fucking. See, I actually think your temper is scarier than mine. Entitled white guy shit, probably. Because I've also had a time I've been like, don't say that. Like you can't say that. You need to go apologize. Oh, you said that to her?

To her. Yeah. Because sometimes I get angry. And I'm like. Or I'll say like, hey, you need to text this person back for me because I'm gonna do it and I'm not gonna be cool. Like the tone will be fucked up because I'm too angry right now. Like I know when to hand the wheel to Tommy.

I'll be like, I can't bro. Like I can't. Well, that's what weed's done for me essentially has been able to have that conversation with myself where I've now been able to be like, don't do that, don't say that, don't do that. Because I mean, if I hadn't had weed throughout comedy, I would have probably burned some bridges across the way. You know what I mean? And the thing is now you realize that there are people that do, like we know who they

are. You know what I mean? Right. There's a Josh without weed person out there. There's a few of them. You're like, that person keeps fucking up. That person needs help. Keeps burning those bridges I'm saying.

Oh, for sure. I mean, there's that. Yeah. And then you have examples, of course. Right. That's what I mean. And plus I was young. And in that time, I don't know what it was.

I thought I like knew everything about everything and you know, you're when you're a fucking stupid teenager, you do stupid shit and you say dumb shit like that. But yeah, that one, I mean, I never saw that dentist again. So I can't even like be like, were you scared or were you anything? Because he just kind of like up and left. And then I didn't see him after he left the room, like my dad came in and he's like, we got to get out of here. And so we left and that was that.

That reminds, that's the time like when I call that guy and threaten to kill him. Yeah. With your mom. With my mom. Right. You have those moments where then you learn from them, I suppose. But yeah. What I learned was like, don't use my phone to make that call.

Right. Right. Yeah. Because I feel like, so that guy that came in to help me, he wasn't even a doctor. He was like the. Right. So wait. So you heard him fucking around and then he came in.

So by the time he got to me, I'm fucking furious because it's an emergency care situation and I hear him lolly gagging and I was like, all right, bro, let's go. Take talk. Like my arm is fucking blown up. You know? I got kids. I got to go back and he looks at it and he's like, nah, it's fine. I'm like, this is fine.

I go, this is not fine, Bru. Like this is crazy. This is not normal for me. So I call our doctor, our primary care guy who's a doctor dick and I was like, dude, talk to this fucking nurse, dude. He doesn't know what the fuck is up and I hand the phone because I need to get medicine. I want to get some. Imagine if you're that guy and she's like, you're not a real, you're not a doctor.

He's not a doctor and I wanted drugs in case it gets it. It is infected. I want my fucking penicillin so I don't have to come back twice. Do you know what I'm saying? Right. So I go, tell, tell this motherfucking nurse to give me drugs and he got so mad. The guy was like, next time you decide to call your doctor, you should tell me beforehand. I'm like, oh, really?

Okay. I'm like, just write me the prescription. Let me get out of here. He did. Yeah. He did. But he triggered the fuck out of me because I don't like lollygaggers, man. This is serious.

Yeah. Don't you lollygag on me, bro? It's not necessarily a medical thing for me necessarily. It could be any, any sort of a thing, you know, like I've had it even at like a 7-Eleven or something where the person like just is acting shitty towards it. Like this is, you know, I can let these things slide a little bit better now, but someone just being shitty to you for no reason. You ever just speak up about it and not let it slide because it's kind of fun sometimes

when you're just like, oh, do you enjoy being a piece of shit? You having a fun day? Is this helping your day go by quicker being a real fucking asshole? You know what I mean? Like pointing things like that out is still fun from time to time. It's fun to ask people who are like shitty service if you go, if you ask them if it's their first day. Yeah.

If they're shitty to you, like it's your first day and they're like, what? And you go, is your first time doing this? Is this your first time as a flight attendant? First flight? It's also I learned more fun to a first flight. You're a real, you say that shit to people? I've said it first time before, yeah. You know what else is fun to say to people like that is to put it on the inverse and

compliment them. Yeah. But in a shitty way. You know what I mean? We've been like, you know, like you said for like a waitress or something and be like, man, this, you know, I thought this was going to be bad cold, but it was good. You know? It was like.

Yeah. Yeah. Something like that. Yeah. That's funny. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I tend to kill the cunts with kindness. Yeah. Like mean flight attendants. Yeah. Because generally they come around, but sometimes they don't. And then I'll be like, really? When they're real assholes though, because my impulse is to be like, you know, you're a fucking dumb cunt.

Yeah. To the flight attendant. Yeah. Seriously. Yeah. I'll be like myself how shitty their life is. Me too. And then I'll just be like, you know, I'll try to let that sink in.

And then, you know, when the rage dissipates, then I can be, I don't know, I can go through the rest of that moment without wanting to. Right. Because you imagine how grumpy she's being or he's being because their life sucks. Well, I think I've seen, and I think you would agree, our rage manifests similarly and that's quietly. You know what I mean? It's not like an outward thing.

Yeah. I'm not a screamer. No, no, no. But I mean, when you get pissed at something, a scenario or something like that, it's known. Yeah. Oh, here she is. Oh, please, please. Solve this mystery.

Here we go. Please. Hello. Hey, Claudia. Hey. It's okay. I have the question for you. So the other day, we couldn't find the mailbox key and then it just appeared on the credenza

table. Did you happen to find it and place it there? No, I didn't. Okay. So it must have been somebody else. Okay. That's it. Yeah, that's all right.

We were just trying to find out why Christina is making up this story. But that's it. Thank you so much. I'll see you. I'll see you in a little bit. Thank you. Okay. Bye-bye.

You're so fucking moated. Oh, your booty exploded all over. Got ass into you. Bullshit. Yeah. No. Yeah. She's not looking for keys.

You fucking owe it to me. What are you going to do to make it up to me? I'm thinking. I'll tell you. I'm thinking. I'm thinking. Massage tonight. I'll make it up to you.

I'll make it up to you. Big time for the lie. The lie. But here's the thing about the lie. Yeah, I'm just the one. Here's the thing. I was going to tell you the lie immediately. I swear.

And then I immediately thought of this show. And I thought it would be better to tell you. Now you're telling a second lie. No, it's true. You're lying on lies on lies. No, no, no. It's true. It's true.

I was going to tell you and I was like, it's better to reveal it on the show. Because I was going to tell you the next day too and I was like, it's, I go to be such a waste to get that reaction not on camera. I did find the key. You did find it after somebody placed it there. I'll give you that. Somebody. Yes.

After somebody. We got to talk to Ellis. We've been asked Ellis. Oh, fuck off. You want to ask Ellis? You're so busted, dude. Uh, the secret. Let's ask Ellis.

Did you find the key? Un-fucking-real. Let's ask him. Oh, stuck. I could call him on his phone. Just ask her to put him on the phone real quick. Ellis did not find it, babe. You may have.

I'm thinking about all the times I've been mad at someone irrationally. It happens. It's happened a lot more when I was a feature act and I'd be up at five in the morning, airports and shit. Oh, man. Mad at people. I know. I had so many violent fantasies.

Yeah. So did I. You know. I'm just not as angry anymore. Neither am I. I'm not. Neither am I. Yeah.

And I did. I thought about this really shitty flight attendant. I thought I talked about it on the show. Like a really. It's a lot of those. A nightmare of a fucking flight attendant, you know, and out of the gate, I had two recently that were just assholes. And in the moment, like when when you when you when you start registering, like this

person is being a dick to me, you know, you want to be like, Hey, what the fuck is your problem? I know. And then I was like, I don't know. I wanted to tell them, like, you know, I don't even fly commercial that much. So if this is what it's like, you know, in the private world, they just serve. Stop it. Different than you.

Well, I do feel like I do. I do know that being a flight attendant, it's not obligatory. You may choose that. To be what? A profession. Oh, right. Right. Right.

Same as any customer service. Like, yeah, chosen. Exactly. And how about this? When people are like, oh, you know, they go through. I get it. And then like, there's pieces of shit flying, of course. Or it's like, but, you know, if you're this miserable, like do something else, man.

Yeah. Every job. Yeah. I would rather than deal with the public. God damn. How about some more confrontation? You want to see some? Yep.

You're going to like this one. Yeah. You're staying there, but you're trespassing. You're threatening me with a weapon climbing a wall. Yeah. I have you on camera and I have you. Oh, I'm not threatening you. I'm going to go over and cut that.

Well, he's going to cut down his neighbor's plant. Oh, that's against the rules. You can't do that. Come over the wall and trim my plant. Is this your plant? Is this your property? No, it's not. It would be against the law for you to climb that wall and to cut these plants.

I'm going to cut it down and have to blow it for God damn place. Okay. Now you're threatening to blow up the God damn place. I'm calling the cops, Diane. You goddamn bastard, son of a bitch. You too, Diane. Have a good day. Diane.

Diane. Are you sure about that? That's a lady? Is that a zur? A zur? A lady. Holy shit. I'm going to have my camera set, so if anything happens, I'll know exactly who did it.

I can't get a hold of them, Sir Roger. They won't answer their phone. Diane, all you had to do was ask me for their number. I would have given it to you. I have. Then give me another number. Okay, I will. But what incentive do I have to give it to you that you've treated me like this?

I have no incentive to give you any positive politeness at all, do I? You were nothing but rude and belligerent. Have a good day, ma'am. Oh, you son of a bitch. Yes, you too. Thank you. Diane. Where is that?

Oh, man. Where is that? Do you know where that is? No. It's like California. I'd say Manipaz was rough on Diane. Fuck. Sucked every last bit of estrogen out of her.

I mean, the last thing I would have guessed it would be that that's, you know, not a guy. Oh my God. I thought for sure it was a dude. Yeah. The voice is weird, but that's about it. Do you have the runner? Do you have Stefan Diggs?

Do you know about, yeah, we were, I was trying to show you this with Josh earlier. New Buffalo Bills, Sinai, Stefan Diggs, running 23 miles an hour on a treadmill, pretty fucking fast. That's terrible. Right. Just in a full sprint when he turns around, whoa, let's see that. Oh my God. Oh my God.

And he's not hard because he just ran. No, he's not hard. He's definitely not hard, but he's got all this change in his pocket. He's just at the bank. He's got rolls of borders. Wow. Look at that thing, babe. And he's running.

And that's usually when the weenie gets shrunken, right? It gets smaller to protect itself. Yeah. That means his natural hang is crazy. Look at that dog. What is he doing with it? I mean, is it like tucked? What?

What was that? I'm just like in my chops. You know, the funny thing is Josh posted this and like all the people were like, it's not running. He's on a treadmill and he's like, we're talking about his cock right now. Who cares? And then they're like, it's not real running. First of all, put, do me a favor.

Record yourself running at 23.0 on your treadmill. Yeah. And see how that goes. And then show us your cock right after. I'd say that's a really good idea, Tom. Yeah. You want to see? Go ahead and send those.

Send those in. To punch up girl at. No. What? We're talking about. Oh. Your mom's podcast. You're not going to go to your mom's podcast.

Oh, sorry. You're not going to want that out there. No, it's already on my website. Oh, it is? Okay. It's public. It's my public email. Wow.

You're going to get some real interesting emails. I think we got it. You can put, you can change it now. I do think that nylon increases the appearance of one's dong. That's true. That's true. Sweatpants, nylon, make them look bigger. Oh, yeah.

Remember your dick shorts in Miami when you came out of the water? Oh my God. That was a nylon purchase. That's why. Dude, they were see through. We didn't have trunks, and then I got in two places. Those are the dick shorts from the Dominican. From D.R.

Yeah, that's right. More than Miami. I just threw them in the bag. We go to Miami, and that's the only pair. I wasn't traveling with multiple swim trunks. I put them on, and then I walk in the ocean, I walk out, see through, completely see through. And they were white. Yeah, white see through.

I don't mean like you could see the outline. It was just a photograph. It was just fully clear. Like pubes. Yeah, everything. Dick and balls. And you had a friend with you who was like, nice to meet you too, girl. Little children running around like, oh my God.

But here's the thing. In Miami, nobody was like, oh wow, it was just like the norm. Miami is just like, yeah, throw your dick out, man. Those are good dick shorts. You ready to see some fired up shit? Okay. All right. Diane.

Fucking bitches, need to stop hacking my shit and looking at my dick. Do you fucking hear me? I want my fucking messages from Kelsey. Stop blocking our messages. It says she's blocked. I can't get a fucking hold of her on any fucking platform. I've had a message from her in five fucking days, dude. I don't know what the fuck to do, dude.

He's really upset. Do you fucking hear me? Someone fucking help me. I just want my fucking friend back to fucking get a fucking message. Where's my fucking friends, dude? Honestly, how can you not fucking be a fucking friend when you're a friend? The black nail polish remnants on the nails, there's a lot going on here. You guys are fucking douchebags.

You think you fucking care about me? Look at why you're fucking making me feel. Are you fucking stupid by hacking me? I fucking feel like shit, dude. Thanks for fucking up my life. Very fucking funny. You fucking piece of shit, Asian-esque bitch. Guarantee you some fucking gooks on their fucking command center.

On the command center? What's the command center? I don't know. Like Buzz Lightyear. Got racist there. In all fairness, he might be Asian himself, though. I mean, that makes it a little easier, isn't it? What kind?

I don't know. But he's dark, dark hair. I don't know. It could be Asian. It could be Asian-adjacent. It could be half Asian. It could be. I don't know.

I'm just trying to help a brother out, okay? I'm just trying to be as positive as possible in this time of quarantine. In his offense, he's very upset. He is. You might be a little... You might be a little racist when you're that upset. Troubled. Fucking Asian bitch.

Yeah. I don't know, man. Hmm. Okay. I don't know. I don't know what the dick stuff was. Hacking my shit and looking at my dick. I don't know how that happens.

I feel like this is... Fucking bitches. This is such a story to get into. Like, what's who act who? I know. I don't know. I just don't know. But I don't want to get into it.

I kind of feel like I don't... It feels bad? Yeah. I don't need to know. Fucking piece of shit Asian-ass bitch. Yeah. I just love that people put this out on the internet. Yeah.

He brought... He put this out there. Yeah. It's a really wild message. How did you hear that? Yeah. Hmm. Good job.

Yeah. Oh, so what happened to us? I'm so tired because at four in the morning, I heard our smoke alarm. Battery got low. And so every... You know, and you get that sweet sound every two minutes. So just as you're like, oh, I hope that doesn't happen again. And you get into denial and you're like, I'll just go back to sleep.

Sure. It's a weird... It's not a 10-second or even... It's like 48 seconds apart is how they put the chirps. You know, so you're like... And then you start... You fall back and... That smoke detector just telling you...

It's almost like, can they just fucking program it not to chirp in a certain window of time? Is there another way? Just a light that flashes. I covered my ears. So you were able to cover your ears. I had to move into... How did you not... How did you still hear it?

You shut the door? Yeah. So I shut our bedroom door and I could hear chirp through that door. So I thought, oh fuck, let me go down the hall. I'm going to go sleep in another room. I closed that door and I can still faintly hear chirp. So then I turn on a sound machine app on my phone and now I couldn't hear the chirp. But that was four in the morning.

I had to move back. That was horrible. So now the question is, how long are we going to wait before we change the battery? Do we just let it chirp? No, I took the battery. You did? I took the battery. Well, that's not how we do things, Tom.

I know. We wanted to be like Shane. Do you know that this is one of the most famous episodes for me? Is that we found this guy, Shane, that does karate and singing videos. Karate and singing. So he does martial arts and he's like 380 and he's like, this is how you do karate and he would just put on a demo and then he's like, I can just sing any song. So we contacted him and we were like, will you sing these songs?

And he did. Dance, Mike, Harry, like all these songs. And then instead of making it like a bit, I did it for like 45 minutes. One episode. Yeah. And like the next week, our downloads went down by like 60%. This is like eight years ago. Well, to be fair, people were like, I don't want to hear this guy sing badly.

For over and over. I was like, and here's the next song I have to sing. And he was like, but I liked it too. I thought I think we were both into him. We were into him. Yeah. But I mean, I think that I bored the shit out of I kept I I spent a lot of time prepping that because I had to like rip the audio and like prepare it.

Yeah. And then I saw things and like I had him do. Yeah. Emotions by Mariah Carey. You got me feeling motion. He's like, that one got a little high for me. But we were so taken with him, but our audience was not. We didn't learn that lesson.

People, I got so much hate. Yeah. Yeah. I know. Diamonds and pearls. You gave you diamonds and pearls. You gave you diamonds and pearls. But that's the chirp.

But anyway, so that's we got to fix that. And then the other day you had a great idea. Thank you. You want to tell them about it? Which was what? About a lot of people's suffering. Oh, yeah. Well, you know, this pandemic is affecting people in a lot of ways.

And there's a lot of things that you don't expect that kind of come up, you know, schooling, obviously medical supplies. People are hungry. And there's just, there's only, there's so many things that are affected when, when an economy shuts down. And basically, you only have essential things that are allowed. And you got to kind of put yourself in the mindset of, you know, maybe this isn't totally essential to you,

but maybe it would be important to somebody else. One of those things that I thought about, that I'm like, you know, we could maybe put some attention on this is the people who right before, right before this was shut down, we're about to get boob jobs. And now they're sitting here through this pandemic with small hungry tits. And it's like, what about them? You know, they were about to get big tits.

And then, you know, the government said, no, that's not important. And I think it is important. It is important to stay hot in this pandemic. It's really important. It's important to be hot. You should get your nails done. And if you're like, I don't know how to do that, you know, fucking figure it out. Figure it out.

Women are stupid. Women are dumb. Shave your legs. Look hot. Yeah. And most importantly, get, I would say, get those big tits like get them done. No matter what, maybe have a friend help you, you know. Do your own boob job.

Do your own boob job. Get some saline. Get a lunch bag. Yeah. Put it in there. The incision's small. You could probably figure it out. They do small incisions.

There's a few episodes on YouTube. You could probably figure it out. Easy. Easy. I like that you're thinking of these women because it must be heartbreaking to be walking around with such hungry tits. Hungry tits are quarantine tits and nobody likes them. They want to be fed.

So I'm going to work with a couple of people I've reached out to to set up a fundraiser and just to shed some light on the fact that there's people out there with small tits who are about to get big tits and now they can't. I think it's important to bring some attention to them. Yeah. I watch CNN every day. I'm not seeing Anderson cover this story for Sanjay Gupta. Nope.

And by the way, let's spread it out. Fox isn't covering it either. There's there's neither side. This is a bipartisan issue. I don't care who you're voting for in the election. Both groups have small tits in them. That's right. And both groups need bigger tits.

And you know, it's just I don't know. I just feel like if you smoke meth, maybe you can solve the issue. But if you don't, you're going to you're going to be sad with your little titties. Yeah. Your dick head becomes so sensitive. I hate how he says that. My favorite. So sensitive.

So sensitive. You just you just barely touch it. You come just an enormous amount. Very hot. Okay. I got it. It's so sensitive. You remember Winston?

Winston Cave, the cool guy at the post office. Yes. I do. The box guy. If you're the manager, I'd like for you to help me. I'm going to go right down the road. It's Winston. He's at the post office.

You didn't want to deal with me. He's so fired up. Are you the boss? I asked for a boss. Fuck y'all. Fuck y'all. There's Josh Potter at the dentist. Fuck people, man.

Fuck you in the fucking ass, you stupid bitch. There he is. There he is. He's talking down to me. We have a follow up. No. There's more footage. Right?

This guy does so many drugs. I don't know. I don't know about that. He's in state taxes. We're in state taxes there, brother. We're in United States, you dumb ass. I love y'all and I love fucking around. That was fun for me and I needed that.

Wait, was that supposed to be he saying he was fucking around when he was in there or this is totally unrelated? I'm not 100% sure. Looks like he's wearing the same thing. Yeah. So it seems like he's doing this right after leaving the post office. Anyway, I got my PO box. It is 2004 Cedar Park.

Texas. Pull it up, Texas. Much love and I got to get out this fucking state. I got to get some money and I got to get some gas and we'll see who comes through for me. Show the caveman some love because I ain't got nothing left but love for you. Let's see how God works. Let's show these bitch ass haters that I got enough lovers. I can drown these bitches.

So he asking his social media community to give him gas money. He's like, who's got some love for the caveman? Give me, send me some money for gas. I think he's just having a good time interacting. Yeah, there's no goal. I think it's just just wild and out, wild and out, bro. Okay. He's just doing the thing.

I want to have fun today, but I got a lot of shit to do because I'm going to get the fuck out of town today. Gonna go to a trap house. What the nigga? Oh, did he say nigga? He didn't say nigga. N-I-G-G-A motherfucker. That's a real big switch though.

From a moment ago, he's like, I was having a good time. It went all the way to 10 with some big words. I would go math. I would go mania of bipolar. Actually, that's exactly what? Big words. What Dr. Drew said when he was watching the other video. He said this is bipolar to a T.

Yeah, mania episode. He's going. But he's white, man. He's a honky. You know, we don't trust them honkies. Man, they may even call him quackers. You know what I mean? Huero, pizza, huerto, chupa de verga.

Chupa de verga. That's the New York line. No, he's doing Spanish now. But he didn't say that, right? He didn't say it. Chupa de verga. He didn't. But he's in the wheelhouse.

I'm in my truck, which is my homestead. I shall not get out of my truck until I see a warrant. So if you Cedar Park coppers are fucking paying attention, respect the boss right now. My man deals with law enforcement a lot. Yeah. What? He thinks he's some type of boss?

You goddamn fucking right. The boss is back bitch ass. I'm exhausted. I know. I can't. It's like. It's really a lot. I'm a federal fucking property right now.

Fuck with me. Donald Trump. Please be here for me right now. I'm on your fucking property, bro. And I love you. OK. I can't. I'm done.

All right. Well, there is one other thing. There's just one thing. So horrible. Trying to find a place to pull over. What we're saying, but I guess right here is playing. Let's play. Let's go.

Stupid. He got pulled over here. Of course he did. Stop. It's your kayak. You got a shirt? Step out for me. No, sir.

No, sir. No, you won't. Step out. Step out or I'll break it. Oh, that's not a good. Let me just tell you right now. What? Just going no, I won't.

And then rolling up the window. Oh man. It's never going to go. And he has a kayak sticking out of the back. So he's all kinds of fucked up. See what I'm saying? My hands are up. Look, look.

See what I'm saying, guys? Please just pray for me. What do you think is going to happen right now? Oh my God. Sir, you're going to have to get a warrant. I know, I know, I know, I know my laws. You're going to have to get a warrant, sir. He's not trying to search your car.

It's because it's because everything is going on. It's because I'm an honest man. That's why. Oh, okay. Please somebody tag in Donald Trump. Donald Trump. Donald Trump. If you can hear us, please.

Donald Trump. Please save me. What? Dear God's name, please stop. Oh my God. He's a victim. How did he end up being the victim here? And why are there only 356 people watching this live?

This is amazing. This would be amazing. I'm so upset that people. Oh, oh, oh, oh. They're breaking. Oh my God. Are they allowed to do that because? Yes, sir.

Fuck, dude. This is a really crazy video, man. Is there more, please? I'm not doing anything, sir. For the one, just get the fuck out. I'm a believer in the Lord. I'm the Lord's child. I promise you.

Give me your hand. I promise you. I'm not trying to resist. Okay. And that's where that ends. No follow up on that, huh? Please, somebody tag in Donald Trump. Okay.

Whoo. Wow. That's pretty special. Can you get a cough, please? Leave me alone. I kind of could watch these kind of videos all day. Is this what cops was like? And I just missed the train on that show.

I love there's a comment up there. It says, Donald Trump to the rescue. Like, he was like, hold on, guys. I gotta save the caveman real quick. Wow. I don't know. I don't know if they can, I think they can do that, right? I mean, this is Texas.

They could definitely do that. Texas, they could do whatever. Oh, yeah. I mean, if you don't follow a lawful command from a police officer. Proto. Yeah. But I've seen like these videos too, also where, I think it changes state by state where like a police officer will give a command

and then a really informed citizen will cite, you know. Well, that's the thing. Like someone that knows all those laws could scare a cop into like abandoning proto, just like, oh, this person sounds like he might be a liar. Yeah. Like those that give me your ID. Like a guy was walking around. He's like, what's your name?

He's like, I'll tell you my name. Right. And then he was like, where does this have to give you my name? He's like, well, let me see your ID. He's like, no, I don't have to do that either. And I saw the guy had like a body cam on and he just talked circles around this cop. And the cop was like, just get out of here. He's like, no, I don't have to get out of here either.

It was just like, you know, but this is like the uninformed way of doing it. Right. This guy watches those videos. No window up. No. No window up. The window up is like. It's a bit of a confrontation.

What do you think? It's over? Oh yeah, he rolled his window up. So we got to go. Geez. I wonder why you don't have to give a cop your ID. Is this in California? I couldn't.

I couldn't tell you. I really don't know. I don't know. I don't read up on that. All the. Man, that was exhausting though. That's what it's like. We just spent like a moment with this guy.

Imagine being around this all the time. No, thank you. I know it's exhaust. He's exhausting this guy. Is he? Is he? What was the last post? Like when was that?

Posted. You know what I mean? Does it say the day? Oh, he's in Austin. Yeah. Oh, this post was from four weeks ago. Yeah, that's the last post. Yeah, maybe he's just not out yet.

Well, you know he doesn't have money. He asked for gas money. So bail money is probably way longer than gas money. Ta-ta there, TikTok. Yeah. Our fans are already out. Oh, they are. Oh my God.

Follow Proto. He didn't follow Proto. Oh my God. Can someone explain what feathering it is? Oh, wow. They did. All right. Damn, dude.

That is wild. Hey, where's that cool, cool, cool as fuck, dude? Twitter game. Is that in here? The feed? Or do you have it? Oh, I have it up. Do you remember Pig Tits?

Pig Tits. Yeah. Yeah, yes, I do. Sorry. The guy that was on TikTok? He was on my TikTok? My TikTok? Oh, sorry.

The correction cups on TikTok. Yeah. How could I forget? Sorry. So we found him. Oh. What? It's gone?

No. That's crazy. We were just on it yesterday. We were on it yesterday. So his account got banned, I guess, in the last 24 hours. We were just looking at this with Drew. I was looking at it with Drew yesterday. Oh my God.

What did he have to say? He was fascinated. He wanted to fly there. The guy was in Calgary. I would love to. He was like, I want to know all about this guy. Because this is a tattoo. The pig on the head with the snout.

All those are tats. And he puts on his suction tit cups every day. And he plays with his tits. And can you scroll up there? Scroll into that profile description so that she can read that. Yeah. Can you make that? Oh, I love it.

It says Calgary and then his phone number. Yeah, but I want you to actually read what it says there. The phone number? No, no. Just that whole section. Sissy faggot cocksucker giving free blow jobs. The call must show caller ID. Only Calgary callers will be answered.

See now, here's another one that only wants regional met. He knows that's a real cop in the area. This is outstanding. I mean, this is on the level of a Robert Paul champagne giving out the phone number. You are speaking exactly the way Drew spoke. This is what fascinated Drew. Wow. Can you scroll down?

What is going on? This guy's the best. All right. Okay. What am I reading here? This is like your interviewer. Yeah. Here is pigs response to your question.

Can you make that larger by the way? Yeah, I can't really have them struggles. Okay. I have a few questions for you, Norman. Thanks for the response. First of all, how long have you been involved in the BDSM community? And part of that, how long have you been living as a pig? Also, what do family, friends or neighbors think about your lifestyle if you would rather

not answer that? I understand. Finally, do you actually enjoy your life? How is it at the moment? Or do you do it because you are forced to slash told to? Thank you, Norman. Have a great day. And he writes to your interviewer.

Here is pigs response to your question. Pig. He refers to himself. Yes. Pig entered the BDSM lifestyle at age 16 on discovering it in a porn magazine. The images and thoughts expressed if superior women possessing supremacy set the pace for pig's future. Pig is currently 71 and has lived an alternative BF SM lifestyle throughout the 55 years in

between. My family consists of mom, dad, brother, all of them have passed away. They all knew about pig's need for the BDSM lifestyle. They never understood it nor asked much about it. They just simply accepted me in my quirks. As for friends, pig has none. Pig is a loner and has lived as such throughout most of his life, not needing friends to keep pig whole.

As for neighbors, they do not judge the pig face to face, but who knows what goes on with their doors closed. Pig does not really care what people think about pig and BDSM. Pig is elated with his choice of BDSM lifestyle. Pig has lived as a slave and human. What is that? Chattel. Chattel to a number of superior women owners over its lifetime.

Pig cannot function well in the vanilla world. Pig is happy living an alternative BDSM lifestyle and can not find any reason to change it. Pig truly lives to serve, worship, and obey all superior women. Now that's interesting. Pig is appalled at how male pig creatures treat their wives and girlfriends as second-class citizens. Most male pig creatures see their wives as daycare keepers for their children, domestic cleaning, et cetera, et cetera.

Superior women are the ultimate treasure in this world. This world should be respected and treated as such. Pig hopes this answers your questions. I had this scent to chill down my spine. The trauma, I'm guessing. Oh, the trauma to quote Dr. Drew. That's exactly what he said. Okay.

Now the thing is, there's the pig tits. He mentions being in all of these women, but everything about his profile is just all about second cocks. That's interesting that you say that. I had his Twitter profile up ready for us to just go through because a lot of this stuff, I can't really prep, but there was a surprising amount of women in the porn that he would retweet on Twitter. A lot of women just full-on kicking dudes in the beanbag.

He loves that. He loves that stuff. Maybe the dick-sucking is a way of him to be submissive. A woman is telling him, you suck a dick. That makes sense with the property. Miss Talon's property, where the superior woman is telling him what to do. I am so happy that we put this mystery together. What an excellent use of brain power.

That's college graduates. When one mystery is solved, another one is opened and we just stumbled into another mystery. I just tried taking this link and putting it in another browser and I get this. What? This is from his Reddit account. This is his Reddit account that he's just been posting like a social media account. People were following on there and he was actively posting on there. What about the thing that we just saw when we were in the break?

What is that? I was looking for his Twitter handle and you see this stuff. No. That's yesterday. No. But I'm not 100% sure. I don't want to sound like a broken record. Like I said, Fed smoker didn't die and all that.

This is from January 2020 to April. Yeah, that's weird. Are they meaning in memory of him on social media? Maybe that's how long he's been on Twitter for. I'm hoping that's what that means because all these hashtags are justice for Norman Summerton. Something tells me he's been booted from these platforms. Justice meaning he was unjust. And Potter's been calling him on repeat, trying to get him on the horn.

Is there a bunch more of these hashtags or no? It looks like his fan base was pretty limited. Hold on. I didn't think Twitter discriminated. I thought that you could do whatever you wanted. Twitter has hardcore porn all the time. Yeah, why are they not allowing this man to conduct his... Well, they don't have a lot of tit-cups on Twitter.

You think the tit-cups were the violation? They don't have a lot of pigs on Twitter posting their pig activities. But what's the difference between the old lady putting a call out for local men? Because I think people have seen that before. But BDSM, big deal. He had on that thing we saw yesterday. He was like, I want a shot of cum in a shot glass. Maybe he's soliciting like two nasties, like illegal.

He's wanting illegal things done. Is that what this is? Is that him in the suit there? Is that Norman? No, I think this might be another lady that he's into. No, no, but the suit, the actual... There was a guy in a tie. You know what I mean?

Is that him? That looks like him. Although I don't see... Oh my God, he's own mortgage broker. Shut. Dude, he's a fucking mortgage broker, dude. This is before the head tattoo. Can you go to that link?

Dude, that's him. That's him. What? Oh my... It's main calorie. Yeah, dude. That's him. So wait a minute.

He's on LinkedIn. LinkedIn. Hold on a minute. Yeah, any saying that there's a good chance that this is probably fake. Oh, really? There's nothing there. It's just a picture. It's just a picture, his name, and then 30 connections.

It looks fake to me. Although I would imagine maybe if he does go on LinkedIn that that is... Can you open... Can you make that profile pic bigger so we can see if it's a Photoshop? Or if it's an actual photo of him? Damn, the mystery. Is that him or is it photo? I can't tell.

Does it look Photoshopped? I mean, I'm looking at the lighting on... The lighting on his hand matches the lighting on his head. But where's his pig tat? Right. Maybe the pig tat's new. Yeah, could be. I mean, because it's right there on the top.

Right. I mean, how did he work for so many years with pig tat on his head? Unless he has an incredible makeup job every morning. He just like... Right. Or wears a hat. He says he's Jewish and he wears one of those yarmulkes on top. Or he just...

He puts makeup and then it just gets hot and people are like, is there something on your head? You're like, oops. You want to refi that home? Wow. I mean, I can't imagine... So he must have been banned and taken down. Someone must have complained about him.

LinkedIn. In the community. I don't fuck with LinkedIn. That's crazy. Is he not on the grumb? Yeah. When you click on that photo of him though... He's on the...

No, no. When you click on the photo of him in images where he was on the phone, does it go to like a website? You know what I mean? Go back. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Does that go to his Twitter account where it says mortgage brokers?

No, that goes to LinkedIn. Yeah, it goes to his LinkedIn profile. But if you click the photo itself at ca.linkedin there, does that actually go to an image? Like a larger... No, it's the LinkedIn. All right. All right.

Wow. This is very upsetting. Jesus, there's another guy with a cool fucking cum slut written on his head. Yeah, I think that might be him. That's him? Yeah, it could be. Before the head tent? No?

No, it's not him. No, yeah. Look, if you just cover... If you just leave the mustache... All right. Gosh. Well, what a riddle. If anybody could enlighten us, that would be great.

Love to know what's going on. Get it. So Josh has been calling his phone and we haven't heard. He tells me he's just been going to voicemail. Oh, gosh. Well, I imagine our listeners have found him already and have... But he also says he doesn't pick up for a non-calgary number. So it could just be that he's being very selective.

Yeah. Yeah. Can you text him? Well, look, we got to solve this mystery, guys. Let's make sure Norm's okay. This is the greatest find we've had at YMH for a long time. I don't want to lose. I can't believe the trail has gone cold.

It's amazing. I know. This guy's pretty fucking amazing. I want to, like, interview him. I want him on our couch. Me, too. How our Dr. Drew goes to Calgary. I want to end this on a bang.

So how about we just wrap it up? Okay. I heard you, bitches, was looking for me. My favorite. Bitch, here I go. My favorite. Do you know the bitch here I go lady got real mad with Tech Talk? And she's like, I'm done.

I'm over it. She was the... She got fired from McDonald's. I remember her being the A1 from day one. Yeah. She was the first one to really inspire me. Well, that's how I... I became aware of Tech Talk because you were playing her all the time.

She's fantastic. And you also walked around the house going, bitch, here I go. Bitch, here I go. Yeah, all the time. I heard you, bitches, was looking for me. A limited batch this week, but I'm hoping these are all top tier. Yeah, there's a... Well, there's a whole lot of new stuff going around.

You ready? Yep. Always. Hey, Nookie Monster here. Tonight only. Almost Tech Ride $15. What? Oh, no much tests.

All rides are free tonight. I feel like this was Norman a few years ago. He could get there to Norman level. I want to know what this dude's drug consumption was like. You know? Particularly in the 80s, like when he was really raging. So gnarly. Oh, this is amazing.

This is in the Ukraine. Yeah. They saran-wrapped this guy onto a swing. It's pretty dope. That's pretty fun. It is fun. And they saran-wrapped this guy to the swing and then they made him go all the way around. But they saran-wrapped so his arms and legs can't move.

How much saran-wrap would they take to really tightly get you in there? A lot. But I love that this is what like three Ukrainian boys are doing on a Saturday. It's just fantastic. I love stupidity. I am so sad. I have no one to be gay with. I like the tone of that one.

That was awesome. Yeah. I like the wind chest. Man. It was sweet. That was like a sweet one. That was actually really nice. Yeah.

I was like, is he just swimming next to a bunch of trash? That's what I thought. Is the background just all trash? You know what I mean? Yeah. I think they're like... Is that all trash? No.

That's like... I am so sad. It's a waterfall. I have no one to be gay with. It's like a waterfall. It just needs to be... Jesus. ...upcapped a bit.

Like mineral building. Is she alive? Excuse me. Excuse me. This one. This one really tickled me. You watch this a lot at home. I found this on Easter Sunday.

And man, it really tickled me. For those of you listening, there's a lady enters the room of clearly a retirement home, and there's a very elderly woman laying down with her mouth open, either asleep or dead. And then the caretaker goes,

is she alive? And he goes, excuse me, nothing happens. Ma'am. And then she sticks out her index finger and touches her arm, and the lady just turns her head. And what I like...

Is she alive? Excuse me. Excuse me. She's so hesitant, the finger poke. She's like, excuse me. What I like too is the audio. It's a real calorie burner.

I think of the irony of an exercise movie. Be active? Yeah. I know. I don't know what that's like when you're that old and you're seeing shit like, get going and be active

and run up and down. And then you're like, I can't even shut up. Gotta just... That always... Every time I've seen this, I haven't really said it to you, but it reminds me

of when I was with Jane and we found that guy in the field. Yeah, you told me about this when this was in Florida, right? Yes. And I was driving with my sister. This is years ago. We were going to a friend's house

and we do this like... There's an S-turn on the street, so it's like straight and then it goes like this and right after we do the turn, she goes, what was that? And I was like, what? And she's like,

there's something out in the field because it was like that turn went around a grass field. And I was like, no, no, no. We got it. We're going this. And she's like, no, you gotta go around. And it's one-way streets.

So I was like, oh my God. Like we're just wasting time, you know? So now I gotta go here, then one-way, one-way, all the way to go back around again. And then we're doing it. I'm like, what? And she's like, don't you see that out there?

And there's a light. Like you can see a light coming in the middle of the field. I'm like, yeah, what is that? So I pull over, I park, and I realize it's a motorcycle. It's a motorcycle and the light is still on. You know?

And I was like, that's strange. And then we look back and see there was a fence that's now knocked down. I'm like, oh. And then you keep looking around. You're scanning around. And then like, you know, 30 yards from that, there's a guy lay a body just there.

So I was like, oh, shit. So I tell her, call 911, and she's panicking, panicking like really. And I realize as I'm getting closer, I've never been in that situation. So I'm getting nervous. And I start going, you know, I look back on it like how silly it is at the time,

but I'm so nervous to be, you know, this close to this. I start going, sir, sir, you know. And I'm like, scooting. I'm not walking up to him like, I'm like, and I get really close and I'm like, sir. And I do the same thing. I take my index finger and I'm like,

scared to touch. And I just go, you know, I touch him on like the shoulder. Sir, sir. And I'm like, are you okay, sir? And I keep, I touch his shoulder and then I just hear like, like he moans, you know. And then he fucking sits up.

And when he sits up, his head flaps open, you know, like the top of his head just is open. And I'm like, and then, you know, I'm like, you were in a motorcycle accident. I remember that. Jesus, Tommy. The police came. He told me the story a decade ago.

Oh my God. They medivacked him. So they brought a helicopter into that field. Oh my God. And then months later, I got a subpoena from the city because they were like, they were charging him with a DUI and I was a witness. So he lived.

He recovered and they were like, you were drunk. So this was the subpoena for the DUI. And I just threw it in the trash. You did? Yeah. You didn't show up? I was in LA and this was in Florida. Oh, yeah.

You're not going to go. I was going to say, don't you wish you would have just kept on driving? Like don't help people. He definitely would have died. Oh, yeah. It's fine. It's not fine. He would have been dead.

Yeah. Did you text Claudia and see maybe if she knew what to do? We got to get Ellis on the phone. Can we try to get Ellis on the phone? Sure. Let me see if I can get him on the phone. She's probably putting Juju down right now. Oh, you think so?

Let me just check. I cannot believe the lies. I know. Well, here's the thing. I was real fired up and I was fired up for everyone who served. Okay. Everybody. Thank you.

Next. My father's a veteran. Stop with this. I love the military. I've been to Afghanistan, as I mentioned earlier, United Arab Emirates, Riyadh to entertain troops. Hello. Yeah.

Yeah. No, I know. No, I know. You have Persian Gulf estate on an oil platform. I know. Please. I don't remember you coming back and being like, I served in the military. Oh my God.

Okay. I just entertained them. Thank you. All right. There's one left. Okay. Okay. So I have a long history of constipation and whatnot and I've had to get stuff removed

out of me from the hospital. It's gotten so bad, but I'll tell you what, cigarettes have laxatives in them and it seems like every time I smoke a cigarette, I have to take a shit and I'm going to tell you what, I'm taking a shit and it's like a relaxing experience. No wonder people got so much fucking toilet paper because when you're lonely, you're in a dam and I dropped my cigarette. I'm just happy you take a shit. I'm happy to get that crap out of my butthole.

Thank you, cigarettes and laxatives. That's a great one. You like that? That's a really good one to put a nice bow on the episode. Yeah. Well, I was thinking I could introduce her to the Dove because he also smokes cigarettes and maybe you guys have something common. Yeah, that's the only thing I look for for a partner if they smoke, I'm into it.

Shout out to the UFC too. She's got a nice UFC shirt on. Yep. Makes you take a shit. Big ol' shit. She's right though. When I used to smoke cigarettes, that was like a trigger. It made me shit all the time.

How come? Is that how you take a shit in a dump by smoking? Does it make you shit? No, I don't smoke a cigarette first thing in the morning. It's the coffee that makes me go. Yeah. When's your first cigarette? What time?

Probably my drive to work. You smoke in the car? Savage. Is that crazy? I think it is. With the windows down? That's when people smoke. Oh, with the windows down?

Yeah. Yeah. Windows up is savage. Yeah, that's insane. Wait, how are you wearing your mask inside the car and smoking? Oh, I have cut a little cigarette-sized hole in my mask, so it's my smoking mask. Yeah. I used to smoke, you know, whatever, over 10 years ago.

I used to take the same route to work every day. And you don't realize that when you're in morning traffic on a route the same day, if enough people work where you work, that you're probably driving by people that you work with. And one day, when I had that post job, this guy came up to me. He's like, I saw you. See you on that hill every day. And I was like, yeah.

He's like, you always flick your cigarettes out. Out the window. Something you could do. Maybe don't flick them, you know? And I was like, yeah, I'm not worried about it. It was his way of trying to encourage good behavior. A dick. I was like, I was kind of Josh Potter in that situation.

I was like, how about I put them out on your fucking eyeballs? Oh, here she is. Hi. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Can I ask you, is Ellis near you by any chance? Can you tell him, can you ask him to get on the phone with me? I just wanted to ask him something. Thank you.

Hey buddy, how are you? Hey, are they both there? Hi. Hey, Ellis, can I ask you a question? Yeah. Did you find a key the other day and put it on the table in the front of the house? Did you find a key and put it there? No, I couldn't.

You did? Okay, I'm proud of you. So no. So you did find it or you didn't find it? Okay, we got to go. No problem. I'm sorry, I got to go. I'm proud of you.

Thanks for finding the key, Ellis. No, he didn't find the key. All right. Well, we solved the issue. He said, uh-uh. No. He said, uh-uh. No, I didn't.

Now you're getting a four-year-old involved in your web of lies. You're a real psycho. You know that? Our son didn't even know that he hooked you up. All right. How dare you involve our children now in your lies, your web of crazy lies? He was legit mad at me for this stuff. It was really irrational.

I had to talk to, I talked about it with my therapist. You did? I was like, what is this shit, the stolen valor? I was like telling her the story. And then I was like, I mean, he's legit mad at me. To my shrink, I'm like, what do you think is going on with him? And I go, I swear to God, and I go, maybe it was my tone, like when I had found the male box key and I found it, like maybe it was like too gloaty and I made you feel inferior.

Like was I being too crappy with my tone? Yes. And I was like, does that would provoke you to be so angry? Yeah. And then she said, well, no, this, you know, maybe this, it sounds like this is something that's a deeper thing for him, you know, maybe something in his life. He was taking, you know, someone else got to take credit for something or I don't know. I said, okay.

But she just, she said, we don't know. We don't know what it is, but that was that. And I was like, all right. No, I'll tell you what it is. Yeah, please enlighten me. Because there's always this thing about, you know, and it is lifelong about, oh, you didn't really look, you didn't really look. And I spent like an hour and I emptied that table and I tried them all.

So when you're like, oh, it's on the table, I knew it wasn't on the table. It wasn't on the table. So that's why I got upset because you're, you were making it seem like I didn't spend time looking. But that wasn't what I, I didn't say that at all. You're implying it. I did, but I didn't say that. You're implying it.

I did not. And I didn't, the implication wasn't that you had. Yes, you are. You're implying it. Nope. You're implying it because you're like, it was on the table. That's where I found it. That's where you said you found it.

But yeah, I go, babe, it was on the table, but I wasn't like, you didn't look. You shitty piece of shit. I wasn't saying all that. Now you're, now you're being a condescending, you know what? What? Okay, what? Now you're being a condescending, you know what? I promise you, I'm not.

I just explained it to you and if you open your fucking ears up. Oh my God. I just explained it to you. Okay. You're saying that I found it on the, and I, and I just got done telling you that I emptied the table. Like there's nothing on the table, not even the box or the, or the clothes or the little thing that thing, they were all, everything was off the table and I went out and I tried

all the keys. And then when you go, it was on the table. It implies that I missed it on the table when nothing was on the table. You don't, that still doesn't register. Well, I, I'm just saying that, right. I see, I see how you can interpret it like that. I'm being sincere. I see how you read that into it.

I'm saying that I really wasn't thinking about your behavior at all. Like I really wasn't going, Tom's a, Tom didn't look. No, no, you always say that to me though. You always, you can't say that now. Right. But in this, in this, you always say you're not really looking, you didn't look, it's right. Yes.

You didn't look, but I didn't say that this time. I did not insinuate that even. I was just happy to find the mail at this point so that we didn't go months without checking our mail. Now I'm, instead of, I was going to apologize, now I'm going to get you back. Now I'm going to get you back and I'm going to get you back in a serious way. Oh my God. Okay.

Wait, what happened? Do you owe me a massage tonight? No. That went out the window. It's gone. That is long gone now. You absolutely, you tried to humiliate me at the end of this show. Okay.

I'm returning the wigs. I'm taking Xanadu back to Amazon. Is that what you want? You want me to send back Xanadu because I will and star? No. Then be nice. Be nice. Somebody put the key on the fucking pizza.

Oh my God. And it wasn't you. Okay. And I think Alice found it. But I'm going to have him make a video. Okay. Okay. All right.

Let's see what she said here. Oh crap. Who is it? Claudia. What did she say? She goes, oh, the key. I did find that. He did not.

Me stuck down. Thought about these more. And they forgot. You're going to force her to send that text at gunpoint. You're going to put a fucking knife in her throat. Can I tell you what I was going to do the other day? The day when we were talking about it, I was going to call her and say, just send me a text that says, yes, I found the key.

Oh my God. You're fucking insane. They're so crazy. I was. And she's like, what? Just say, yes, I found the key. Oh my God. I don't know what childhood wound this is from.

This one's fucking unreal. Well, you just watch and you watch how this audience is like. It is clear that Christina is stealing valor. Especially from our vets. Right. So. Okay. Okay.

That was a lot of fun. Yeah. Thank you guys. It was a lot of fun. Our closing song today. Do we know who did this one? I tried to tell, say who it was. Oh, by the, by the dead weight, the dead weights or the dead weight?

Yeah, the dead weight maneuver. Okay. It's called just let me try it out by the dead weight maneuver. Thank you guys. We'll see you next week. Oh, don't forget you can get your I'm following proto mask to wear during quarantine or you can also do your meth mouth mask. There's a Carol did it tea long sleeve.

There's a bunch of stuff from the special like ball hog nine is a lot things of that nature. There's even a new that bitch tea that is also in the store with the tiger. This quarantine's been really good for you. I think you really delved into some new areas in your psyche. We will, we will hear. I'm going to hire a private investigator and we will find out and do what we will find out exactly to what extent you went to try to deceive me into thinking that you found

the key. We know you didn't. So we will get to the bottom of this and there will be many follow up videos to come. All right. 02:16:47,660 --> 02:17:12,660 I'm looking for hard work guys. I'm looking for hard work guys.