Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 551 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: May 13, 2020

Last week, 10mg Tom made his debut. This week, we have Star making HER debut. Tom expresses some feelings toward Nadav in the form of a poem before we begin. We start things off with a panic attack on camera like we’ve never seen. Tom has been interacting with Norman. We meet a woman who gives FedSmoker a run for his money. Next Josh Potter sits on the couch to test out an apparatus we learned about through Norman Summerton and discuss how things have been going in quarantine. Tom shares an insignificant Ric Flair story with Potter. To wrap things up we have a hearty batch of TikToks to make you leave this show more uncomfortable than when you arrived. SPONSORS: - Go to WHOOP.com and enter “YOURMOM” at checkout to save 15%. - Use Code: HOUSE for 50% off 2 or more pairs at ShadyRays.com - Get 20% Off + Free Shipping, with the code MOM20 at Manscaped.com - Go to Stamps.com, click on the Microphone at the TOP of the homepage and type in MOM for a 4-week trial PLUS free postage AND a digital scale without any long-term commitment. - Go to hellotushy.com/YOURMOM get 10% off your order - Download Best Fiends FREE on the Apple App Store or Google Play. - Go to your local liquor store and ask for Skrewball Peanut Butter Whiskey!

Mm-hmm. What's up, Chalmos? Lamborghini, fast car. Ferrari, fast. It's good. It makes a fast noise. It's a fast, sexy design. It's good. It's so fast. Woman like big fast car. Yeah. First of all, you look lovely. Thank you. It's great to bring a new lady to work today. Mm-hmm. I'm Star. I'm your side piece. Yep. I met you in the bathroom of a club in Hollywood, and we both were trying to do bumps. And I happened to have a stash. You were kind of craving it. Yeah. You let me put it in and give you a little line. I love cocaine. I'll do anything for cocaine. Also, I just want you to know I bought this wig on Amazon using our banner. Simply go to your mom's house podcast, click on the banner at the bottom of the homepage,

and just shop as you normally would. Okay. But not that people are shopping on Amazon much these days, but I have to say my hair, my real hair looked like shit today because it was dirty. Yeah. And I was like, I think today is the day Star is going to make her debut. It's almost like Star is like the person who sent this to us to the mailbox. Oh no. What's that? I don't know what it says. Oh, it says got come. That's nice. Who sent this? The letter from the person was right next to it, but I think it's from comrags.com. What? No. Yeah, it's a straight up comrag. That's nice. It's for white. All right. It's very nice. Thank you for sending the comrag. Really neat. I didn't know you could personalize it too and write special messages. That's a lovely gift for

Mother's Day or Christmas just around the corner. Look, I feel like before we can even move on with the show, we should address the last week, you know, I really got upset with the dove and, you know, a couple things like I really got upset. You know, and, you know, I talked to my therapist about it. I told him like some of the things that was thinking and feeling and he was like, wow, that's, you know, it's pretty scary to hear someone say that. But I'm so proud of you that you shared those scary thoughts and feelings with your therapist. That's a huge deal. Yeah, I'm proud of you. It's, um, yeah, because I had so many dark thoughts, you know. Yeah. It's okay though. We all do. Yeah, it's okay, Tom. It's important that you just explore it now though. Now is a great time.

Well, I kind of got into like that mind space of like, how do I keep working, you know, with with Nadav, you know? You mean, what do you mean? Well, because I got so mad at him. And then I was like, you know, thinking about, you know, terrible things. And then I was telling my therapist how angry I was. And he was like, well, you need to, you know, you basically have two options. You can act on those thoughts, which is the less desirable thing to do. Or you can, you know, try to find a way to let them out in a healthier way. Right. You know. Again, I'm really proud of you because that's really brave that you're even exploring this stuff. What's that? What's this about? From, because we argued last week, you know, like it's been

building and then, you know, I got really upset. Well, yeah, I mean, like it's been building, like getting upset with you. I feel like I've been short with you. And then I got, I feel like I got really angry with you last week. And so I told my therapist, you know, like how angry I was. And he was like, well, you know, are you going to do the things you're saying you're going to do? No. You know, I mean, things are going to do. Well, the things that I was thinking about, like physical, bad thoughts, bad thoughts, but they're just thoughts. They're not real. Yeah, they're just what you learned. They're just dark, angry thoughts, you know. Okay. So I'm sorry. It feels crazy to say it. But then he was like, well, you know,

you know, maybe try to get it out somewhere other way, you know, like a healthy way. So, so I just wrote, wrote this. What is this? Do you want me to say it? Yeah, what's that? It says Nadog. Yeah. Okay. I think he's trying to, I think he wrote something that he wants to share. Yeah. And it's really a big deal because Tom is not a sharer. He's not. But I feel like it's the only way to keep working together is by letting him know how you feel. Your therapist told you to do this? Okay. But I think ultimately this is very productive for you guys because

we want to keep Nadog around. We love you. But Tom should get these feelings out. It's going to be ultimately very good for the two of you. Yeah. So should I read it to you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's hear it. Okay. So it's called Nadog. That's you. Okay. Here it is. You did this. Look what you've done. You pushed and pushed. And now it's come to this. It's maddening and it's all your fault. You asked for it. So here it is. You deserve it all. The kicks, the screams, the blood. It's all for you. All for you. All for you. What did you think would happen? Will you walk again? Talk again? We hope not. Will I drop it on your head? Can a knife puncture your side? I have a bat that would like

to meet your face. You deserve it all. It's all for you. Your smile doesn't fool us. We watch. You flail in the deep water as you grasp for air. We cheer. It's okay. You can do it. You can do it. Kick and push. You fight to live so we push you under again. I tried to make it work. I listened and I gave you chances but you wanted something else. I'm filled with glee as your insides spill. This fist is for you. This blade is for you. It's okay. Let it out. Tie you to a post. Watch the birds eat away. You go up in flames. You suffer finally. I did

it all for you. All for you. All for you. That's it. Wow. That was so good, babe. Thanks. That was so good. I know how hard that was for you. It was hard. I'm proud of you. It was a really big deal. Do you feel better? I do. Now that it's out. Yeah. Nadav. What? Well, do you have anything you want to say back? He shared his soul with you. You don't think there's anything you should say back to him? I mean, I didn't know I was supposed to write a poem. You don't have to write one. But how does it feel to hear it? It feels bad. I don't even know what I did. Wait a minute. Let's not get into the... You wrote that after the last episode? Don't you think you should maybe apologize to him or share something deep with him? He just

bared his soul. That would be nice. To apologize. Right. Yeah. For you yelling. For you upsetting me like that and making me feel that way. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Tom. That didn't sound... Did that even sound like an apology? No, really. I'm hoping we can, you know, keep working together. Wait. You guys are seriously... Okay. Well, I mean... Okay. Nadav, you have to... It's such a big deal that he's even doing this for you. He wrote a poem for you. He hasn't even written... He's never done that for me or for anybody in his life. It just shows how... This is such a big emotional moment for him. I just wish he would treat it a little more. I feel like... Yeah. Like he was saying... My therapist said that he commended me for like not acting on those thoughts and feelings, but writing

them and sharing them, you know? Yeah. I mean, hopefully, hopefully I won't upset you like that again. You know what? Yeah. Okay. You know what? I'm actually genuinely sorry that I brought you to that point and I'll do everything that I can to not do it again. That's nice. Thank you. That's nice, babe. See, it worked. Yeah. See, when you share your feelings, it's okay. And now we can work together again. Oh, I didn't even know that was a... That was on the table. You didn't sense his rage at you last time? I mean, it kind of seemed like business as usual, but I didn't... I guess it was a lot more serious than I realized, so I am genuinely sorry, Tom. I will never do it again. Yeah. That's nice. I think he appreciates

that. Will you accept that from him? I do. I do. And like, I never want to act on any of those thoughts, you know? I don't want you to act on any of those. That was a violent... That was a really crazy poem. Let's not judge. Sorry. I didn't mean to use the word crazy. I'm sorry. Yeah. Guys, this is just Tom's... These are Tom's feelings. These are just thoughts, and that's what we're learning in therapy, that these are just thoughts. It doesn't have to be reality. We're trying to keep them from being a reality. Okay. All right. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm proud of you, babe. Good. Thanks. That was a good... That was a really nice poem. Thank you. I worked a lot at it. You did. You took nights to write that.

You were up last night, the night before, and the night before. Yeah. I woke up at two in the morning to go potty, and you were still writing that. I never want to hurt you. I don't... I don't want you to hurt me. All right. You ready to do the show? I feel better. Don't you guys feel so much better now that the air is cleared? I do. Yeah. So we're good now, right? We're good. Oh, yeah, dude. Let's start the show. Let's have fun. Yeah. That was fun. That was fun. Okay. Look at, he's having such a good time. That's how happy you made him. Tom's having a good day. Yeah. All right.

Let's go. Let's do it. And I wish you nothing but the best. Love you both. I'd like to say something to Lana and Guy. No. I'm going to freak out. Oh, is that one kid? Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving to this. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura. Tom Segura. And Christina Pajitza. Welcome to your mom's house. Oh.

Let me watch it again. I thought I was just going to vomit so I tuned out. So if you're listening, this is a wedding reception. And the first lady, they're doing that thing where everybody says something to the camera. You know, we miss you or we love you so much. We wish you the best. And they basically pass the mic to a lady who starts to fucking have a breakdown. And I wish you nothing but the best. Love you both. Mwah. I'd like to say something to Lana and Guy. No. I'm going to freak out. Oh, is that one kid? I can't. Okay.

Okay. Okay, I'm going to do it. What is wrong with her? She's really having a breakdown. It's her stage fright. Oh my God. What a dork. Lana and Guy are my best friends. Ever. They were always my best friends from all my life. Is that real? It's not even fucking. They were special because she knew all my music and stuff. You know, she was the kind of girl that knew all my music and stuff. She was a really good girl. Is she tick-tocked? Is she tick-tocked? I don't know. Okay. And I'm real nervous right now. And she was...

She's really... She was my best friend. She was. When she was 12 and she was my best friend and Guy, he's staring at me right now and they're making a big joke out of this. It's not a really joke. I can see why we guys stopped being so close. Right? Like maybe that's why Lana and Guy haven't spoken to you since you were 12. I'm almost nauseous. I'm nauseous. I'm nauseous. I'm like, God, just for talking into a microphone in a way.

I'm really good at everybody's laughing and it's really not a laughing matter. It's a nauseous party right now. It's a nauseous... She's not even speaking in full sentences. She's just really like... You think that's booze too? Anxiety. Yeah, I think it's a lot of variables that are all... I think you're anxiety for sure. You ever had a panic attack that's kind of... Feels like that. When I freaked out on CBD oil that night, that's kind of how I was. Remember I was like, stroke. I couldn't even talk in sentences. Dude, she's quite a tweaker though.

Pretty amazing. And she liked the music I liked. Yeah, yeah. The wig really is on point by the way. Do you love it? Yeah, my Coke friend. Yeah, let's do drugs. Drugs are cool. I'm gonna take drugs right now. Oh, shit. I'm not really great at role-playing, but I do like to wear the wigs. I think you look great. And this is not even like a fancy one. This isn't one of my pricier items. This is like a cheapy Amazon.

It looks great. You got really good at it. Thanks. I've been watching a lot of YouTube vids. I find that the black ladies are the ones you watch on doing wigs. Yeah. I was fucking with white girls. I'm like, nah, you gotta watch how the sisters do it. Yeah. Because they're all about that wig life. You know what I'm saying? That makes sense. Yeah, it's a whole thing, man. They're really good at it, right?

I wish you would wear one of my wigs in. You put one on the Grom yesterday or the day before. People really liked it. Yeah, people gave me a big response for that one. Actually, there's one gray, pink one. I did one of your blue ones and then one of your gray ones. There was one. You looked like Fabio. You looked perfect. There he is. Oh my God. Look. Yeah. He actually looks like it belongs on your head.

It does. And I put, just let me eat you one time. You look like that's supposed to be your haircut. It kind of does look like it. Yeah. So good. What if I was that guy? I could feel a whole new persona. Crazy how we were talking about this, that hair changes you so much. It is. It's a whole identity. What do you see this guy as? Oh, dude, you're that guy who does yoga and you talk about your third eye

and Tantra and your whole fucking racket to get laid is like I'm a vegan. But I got to say, this guy also really does know how to munch a box. Like it's not just talking shit. He's not talking shit, but no. He also, he's like read books, like written books about Canalingus. And he's like, it's a whole, it's like when you go and you enjoy a meal, it's the appetizer. It's everything. It's not just one ingredient. But he'll tell you that it's like a soul eating. Yeah.

Like it's like a woman's essence and you're, you know, you're licking her divine essence. So she's right. He's doing that kind of. Right. It's the fruit of the lady. Yeah. Yeah. And it starts in the thighs. You have to start with the thighs.

She wants to feel accepted fully into your mouth. That's the kind of guy. I'm in. I am in, man. You look like you should be a relationship counselor. Yeah. No, you know what you look like? You look like you should run a men's masturbation circle. Like, you know, when they're like on like.

Oh yeah. Real sex. Yeah. That is totally who it is. Right. Like orgasm camps. And the guy leading, like leading the masturbation circle goes like this is just like this is normal. Yeah.

And after that, like it's totally normal. And he convinces guys that it is normal. And then later on you find out that he was like he ran like a gay dungeon. Super gay. Yeah. Super gay. But to the group, he's like men masturbate. Why don't we do it together?

Exactly. It's a, but he'll reframe it. No, it's not gay. This is how we connect. It's how we reclaim our masculinity. Right. It's a, it's a male. And dumb guys get talked into it.

And they're like, oh yeah. And then you're like, now look at me. Look at me while we're doing it. Right. You feel that? And they go, I do feel it. And then you guys go hunting. Like after you make it.

Make sure you stare me while you come. I got, I got that. And the guy's like, I feel real weird about looking at you while I came. That's normal. It's normal. A lot of people feel like that right away. Oh my God. Oh yeah.

So we've been, we've had so many great social media posts. People are just really killing it with, you know, memes, photo shops. Every day there's just so many winners, dude. What's it titled here? So it's starting with, oh, social media polls. And then the first word in the file name is the person who made it. Oh, okay. So what is this?

This is a, is there any, any order to it or just anywhere? No, you could just play it however. This is a Squatch Ronson. Oh, huge person on. Yeah. He did some great photo shops. This is a him with a Garth victim. Me with a fan, Studio G Spring 2020.

G looks so crazy right there. Here's another one from Squatch. Wish you were here. XO XO G. A friend from the low place, a guy with his eyeballs ripped out. Gee. This is a, what is it, Dan Coney? Oh yeah.

Yeah, it's really good. With Pig, with this little caricature of Pig. That looks great, man. Yeah, that's really fun. I think Norman adopted this and I think it's now on his profile. Yeah, he's using it as his profile page. Yeah, our fans are treating him well and he loves it. He loves it.

Norm Summerton, I've been DMing with him quite a bit. I told him that we had quite a oh boy moment when we watched him eat his poutine. What did he say? And he was like, it was an oh boy video. And then he directed me to a website that I've never been to before. That I'd never heard of. Was it devoted to poutine? It had a lot of wild shit on it called Heavy R.

What? What's Heavy R? Go ahead. Yeah. Heavy R, yeah. It's got adult stuff, but it's. Oh my God. What's that?

Is that a B-hole or a V-hole with all that stuff? Candy S. Oh, it's called Candy S and there's a bunch of candy coming out of someone's B-hole. Yeah. Interracial FFM threesome. She's got tit-cups kind of. She's got nice tits. She looks like it.

She makes it dance. Oh, candy. So there's gummy worms. There's gummy worms coming out of her ass. In a butthole. So poutine was originally uploaded here. That's what I learned from Norm. Oh, there's a lot of gummy worms coming out of that B-hole right now.

It looks like a pretty tender B-hole. Like it's had a. Right. Wow. It's a lot of gummy worms. That's awful. That's a lot. Oh, God.

Oh, God. I showed Dr. Drew. Did they show her face or is that it? No, we don't need to see it. I want to see what she looks like. I don't think that's the whole clip. I want to see her face. I showed Dr. Drew poutine.

Yeah. Oh, you did? And he was like, we had to take. We had to reset. You didn't tell me this? Yeah, it was like he didn't vomit, but he was having a really hard time wrapping his brain around what he had seen. And like he had to process it.

It was really something else. It really is one of those jarring things. You gotta send me the link to that. To Drew seeing it. Oh, my God. I want to watch Drew watch it. Oh, and I found out something interesting on Dr. Drew after dark. Did you know that you?

Anthony did that. Did you know that there are no medical repercussions for eating your yellow and brown? No. What do you mean? He said you won't get, you might feel nauseous or sick. But he said that the only problem is the brain's mechanism to override the disgust. He's like, I'm really surprised how Norman could override that in his mind. But other than that, because it's a single tube that goes through your body.

It's not connected to any other organs. This esophagus becomes your intestine, becomes your asshole. That it's contained and it's just bacteria in there. It's fine. It's not going to leak out. Now you know. If you're thinking of giving it a shot at home, you can drink your yellow and eat your brown. Yeah.

Yellow is sterile. Brown is not sterile. But it's still good. But it's not going to kill you. Sometimes you need a snack and there's nothing wrong. Your body makes a snack for you. Would you ever eat your brown, guys? No.

Would I? Yeah. No. No. Like it's not even curing a disease or anything. Just would I do it? You do it for a sum of money. 20 mil.

20 mil. That's life changing. 20 mil to eat my own shit. I would do that, actually. How big of a bite? Big bite. Get to eat the poutine. You have to finish Norman's.

Have to finish the poutine? Yeah. 20 million dollars? You wouldn't do that for? 20 million? Here's the thing, though. I know that your answer is no. So I already know that word.

You're saying you wouldn't do it for 20. I already know you wouldn't. I would. No, you wouldn't. Yes, I would. You would not eat your own shit for 20 mil. 20 million dollars? You wouldn't do that, Tom.

Yeah, I would. Yes, I would. No, you wouldn't. Dude, you don't have to work again. That's a lot. That's a lot of scratch, Brew. You would eat your own shit for 20 million. If the fans of this podcast would like to create a fund.

Oh, god. Where I get 20 million dollars to eat my own shit. Wow. I will do that. Yes. Wow. Yes. 20 mil?

20 million. They can raise that. Dude, I wasn't. That sounds like a make-believe. I thought we were going to talk about in the thousands. Oh, OK. Yeah, no. Well, let's start at like 100,000.

Well, you already went there, though. I feel like, you know what I mean? Yeah, but let's be realistic. OK. 100,000 dollars. That's life-changing. He already said he wouldn't do it for 20 million dollars. I might do it for 100,000, too.

Oh, no, maybe not. That's too little. But wait, is there no sum you would do that for? To eat my own shit. I mean, I think 20 million dollars is an extraordinary amount of money. Yeah, that's good money. Look, I'm not arguing that 20 million isn't a lot of money. I agree.

It's a life-changing amount. It's not worth it to you. But eating your own shit is going to change the way my personality is. From that point on, I am now a guy that eats my shit. Well, you don't have to do it again. But I imagine in this scenario, the CDC is recording it, and then leaking the video out. Just so I can act as Chris.

No, you're a guy that ate his shit. That's right. You're not a guy that eats his shit. Would Chris do it? No fucking way. 20 million dollars. For 20 million dollars? No, sum of money is worth eating your own shit.

Uh, maybe I'm easily caught. I already know Josh would say yes. You don't have to ask him. Josh, do it for 10. I would fucking do it on Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve for 20,000 dollars. Of course. That would be the best. The only normal guy in the booth.

Yeah. These two guys are crazy. I know. 20 million dollars is an amazing, tremendous. But everyone knows that I ate the shit. So what? I know. Everyone knows Norman didn't know he cares.

I fucking high five you every day. No, man. People will talk to me differently. No, they won't. Yes, they will. Yeah, they'd be like, I get a loan, shit like that. Can I get a loan? Yeah, that's what they'd be asking you.

Oh, okay. Because you have 20 million dollars. Yeah. Okay, I thought they were just talking about normal everyday stuff. You got this lunch. Yeah, that's what they would be saying to you if they don't want. We live in a shameless society now. Big fucking deal.

People would be like, good for you. You made 20 million dollars. You're a baller. Good for you. Good for you. It's not like that anymore, dude. We celebrate Norm's poutine. We're not even like.

I agree with that. I agree that we celebrate it. Yeah. I mean, I feel like it's going to start a new fight. Already? Oh, shit. I mean, it feels like it. I feel like we do.

It's just so upsetting. I know, but it's so upsetting that now I feel like I got to fight with Chris. I know, babe. Both of these guys won't take 20 million dollars. I would beat you to death if the money was in front of you and you're like, can't do it. I'd beat him to death, too. You can't tell me if you had the money in front of you. You'd be like, nah.

Look, if there's a briefcase moment where you guys spin it around and you open it, and then I see 20 million dollars. Yeah, can't fit in a briefcase, by the way. Two briefcases? No. No, no. It would take quite a few duffel bags. OK.

If you bring those duffel bags in, I feel like then I'd have a harder time saying no. I think so, too. But then my brain just thinks like, oh, yeah, right. But you need to eat shit to get this, literally. Yes. One log. Tap it out. You would not do well on road rules.

We used to fucking set ourselves on fire for a shit. I wouldn't do well on fear factor. You shit into a hot dog bun. You're such a chicken. And you eat it and you're done. Big deal. Shit into a hot dog bun. And then you eat it like a hot dog.

But what if it doesn't come out in the log? What if it's just like a sloppy joe in a hot dog bun? Then you have a sloppy joe. Those are delicious, too. Throw some condiments on it. Well, you can't throw some relish or some mustard on it. Oh, OK. So I could change the flavor of this to make it go down easier.

That's the whole point. I'm going to throw up talking about it. No, don't again. Don't. All right. We'll change. Wait. Hold on.

Like, is there a limit on stuff that I could put on it? No. You could put anything you want on it. Put anything I want. Yeah. You could put fucking Skittles on it. You can put whatever you want on it. Yeah.

You could put Sarkrout on there. Yeah. Or you could even take like someone else's shit and mix it with yours. Right. Kaka. That sounds great. Hey, Tommy. Yeah.

Remember that story we read on Vice about that guy who found the glitch in the ATM machine? Yes. At like two in the morning, he found that when he went to the ATM machine, he could take out money basically without it registering with the bank. It didn't count against him. It was 20s, early 20s. In Australia was it? I don't remember where it was.

I didn't read it. You read it to me. It was fascinating. And he would go and then, but he had to stay on top of it. And at that hour, he would have to make a change in the account. Right? Yeah. So he was like, it would, it wouldn't read it as a debt if he would like,

if he would transfer money, so he would transfer from like something from savings to checking and then withdraw it at that time. And it would never count against him. And ended up pulling out like 1.5 million or something. Million dollars. And he confessed. They didn't catch him. Well, so here's, so here's the thing.

He was parting for like a year. He told people what he was doing. And they were like, fucking hey, this is rad. And he was like 23. He was a bartender. And then his conscience, he got so guilty over it. He tried to turn himself in to the banks. And they were like, okay, the police will call you.

The police didn't. He had to go on like a current affair and all these types of TV shows before people believed him. And then finally he did one year in jail. And then what was the rest like community service or something? But I mean, Tom and I were talking about this, how in our early 20s, you couldn't get me to do this now saying. Not now.

But at that same age, if you gave me like, hey, go to the ATM and you can get away with this. I think I could have been talked into it easily. Easily. I would have stolen so much money. And I would not have turned myself in though. I would have just fled the country and just looked over my shoulder. Yeah.

He was thinking about that. I would have fled the country and just got away. It's like, I feel like, well, I think I would have done what he did though, because what he did was he was ready to roll and he was doing it and felt fine. And then eventually you're like, damn, I've taken this much at this point. Like it's going to catch up to me. So maybe put out the fire yourself, you know, like go in there at a certain point. I don't think I would have been like, I should turn myself in right away.

I think over time I'd be like, I'm fucked. But the bank didn't even, they didn't even know. He could have gotten away with it for a minute. He was doing it for a year. They didn't find out. It's crazy. Would you have done it? See, I would have stolen money.

I would have first like become an expert on the statute of limitations. Yeah. And then I'd see how long that window is. And it's like, OK, I'm going to stop withdrawing. And then wait for the statute to comes out. And then I'll confess when they can't do shit. Oh, that does that really thought out. Yeah.

Immediately. Wait, you see how quickly I came up with that too. I do. I got. But they can't penalize you on anything if the statute. No, no. He said, well, if the statute of limitations expires. Right.

They still, they can't penalize you at all. So then why confess? I don't know. Sleep better. I don't know. I wouldn't. It's a fucking great idea though. I wonder if there's a statute for stuff like that.

For grand theft. Well, I mean, at this point, I mean, I'm sure he. I think it's only like a first degree murder, like murder cases, I think are the only ones where there's no statute. 00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:24,480 Where it's just like you could always get popped for murder. Right. But I mean, like grand larceny or grand theft or whatever.

Well, I wonder if that's the same for like stolen valor. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. I just want everybody to know that my shirt, the seeker, is on sale now. And if you're an American, only if you love the United States of America, and you believe in this country and its ideals,

should you buy my shirt, the seeker. Thank you. Speaking of. The seeker. Here's a couple other social media things before we get into it here. Oh, God. Oh, yeah. Here's the.

This is a fucking Christ. What is this one? Oh, oh, yeah. This is from our Nadav would eat his mom out to save the world. Yeah, I saw that one. Tongue punch your mom's. It's hard to watch Nadav like that. My little son eating his mom out.

Yeah. It's a really nice photo shop done by Felix Chaskey. Felix had very popular on the Grim Save in the World. Oh, that's a beautiful one. Who's that? H.C. Wins. Wins? Yeah, that's Heather.

H.C.W. 101, right? She does like a daily one of me. She's amazing. Shout out to Heather. She does such great work. That is a great. I repost her all the time. Fat smoker like teeth are fucking fully.

Feathering it in heaven. That's fucking awesome. Juno one, none right here. Eliminates grays, families and evidence. It's the Garth just that is fantastic. I've not seen that one. Juno one done up. There's Christina looking for Valor looking through the window.

Stop it. Stop it. And then Mr. Clavicles always does great shit. Look at this. He does me as pig fits really well actually. Yes. The body's not that far off. I just need to get one of your wigs.

I could actually do this. Yes. So speaking of Valor, I got some emails here. No boy. From some of our listeners here. Let's see. Mr. Segura, it's not stolen Valor. You are indeed fucking crazy.

Thank you. Best regards, former Sergeant Carlos Kass. Yes, thank you, Sergeant Kass. Let's see the evidence that you even served. All right, next email. Next email. I'm an ophthalmologist. There is a phenomenon that is not related to the eyes,

though some patients sometimes think it is called reverse hallucinations. Sometimes when we're looking for something, our brain creates a very specific picture of the thing, and the actual thing will fail to match the picture. This happens to most people once in a while. I couldn't find any data about it being chronic in anybody, but I can imagine such a case could exist.

Hypothetically, if Tom were one of these such cases, then it would make sense if he had developed a complex around his looking ability. My only advice to him would be get the chip off your shoulder. No one really cares. And if you're lucky, you'll be stoned next time you have to look for something. Hope this helps.

Sam. Wow, Sam. MD. Quite a tone there, Sam. That is really, really aggressive. I mean, he wrote his own poem. Yeah. Jeez.

He must have a wife that he has something similar going with, huh? Sam, fake doctor? Thank you. Jeez. Next email. Dear Valor thief. First, let me start by saying I'm active duty navy of nine years.

Stolen valor is a real problem and set me off super fast. Tom, I'm sorry, man. You might be a little crazy. I'm a huge fan all over your stuff. My friends and I quote you and Bert all the time. Thanks for all the laughs. These guys are all cheering for you, Christina. Well, that's your version.

Now, where are the other ones? These are all for you. No, I know you, though. You. Well, first of all, I haven't prepped this. This was prepped by our great producing staff here. This one's from Derek. My brother is an actual Navy SEAL that served in Mosul,

liberating the city from ISIS. He said the only thing worse than the enemy is stolen valor, which Christina P is certainly guilty of for taking credit, credit for finding the mailbox key. The worst people in the world, according to my Navy SEAL brother, are ISIS, Al Qaeda, and Christina. Thank you, Derek. ISIS, Al Qaeda, and me.

Cool. I knew it would go this far. Next email. Mr. Tom, I can honestly cannot say I'm surprised that the Eastern Blocker of Hawaii that you took, that you have took credit for finding the mail key. Eastern Blockers are world renowned for their thievery. They're like the Somali pirates of Europe.

These Eastern Blockers taught and advised the Chinese on how to steal Tibet and the Viet Cong on how to steal South Vietnam. The diabolical KGB mines are custom built for unjustly taking credit for things like the water champion, TikTok champion, and now finder of mail key. Tom, tread lightly with this blocker. She's at least five steps ahead of you. Godspeed, Eric Z.

Thank you, Eric. I'll take credit. I like that. I like the idea that I'm super sneaky. Yeah, well. Also from Steve and I, a 10th Mountain Division veteran and former entryman can attest the valor stolen by the main mommy, the supposed water champion, the woman who is not ride or die,

Crystal Poplowski. I remember seeing Catherine Petrulli and Brian Williams, the reporter, eating lunch with one another in Afghanistan, talking, leaving keys places and getting shot at in helicopters. Little did I realize that one day she would do this to my hero Todd in an attempt to make him feel like he can't find something as simple as a key. Listen here, Chris Wanda, I want you to know that Tim can't find a key because he's too busy finding our hearts.

This is a classic case of egomaniac denial, but mainly stolen valor perpetuated by Christine. This quarantine has affected us all in different ways. I am buying wigs. Tom is dealing with his anger issues. You can, you know, you can take sides if you go. We did make the shirts. The people wanted yours.

Team Christina and there's team Tom. She is the seeker. I am the truth seeker. We're both claiming that we should be finding a given credit for finding the key. But by my shirt, if only if you love America. True. By the way, you know what hasn't come out in a long time? What? You remember my original, my idea for the fart mic and how it was a thing?

Oh, the your original idea for the fart mic? Wait, who came up with the fart mic? I did. No. Stolen valor. Hello. I came up with a fart mic. You did?

Stop it. Nadav, did I come up with a fart mic? I think you think? No. You came up with a fart mic. No. I think sometimes you just remember things a little. I think you just remember things a little hateful.

Oh my God. Who fought for that fart mic? I did. I came up with a fart mic. When was that? I don't remember. I was so long ago. We could sit.

We can't. I can't remember. Oh, here we go. We're like a year and a half. I think you're answering the question for them though. What do you mean? Get fart mics. Just put mics on stands.

That's a really good, and we can get them professional grade like these. But listen to how I'm running and adding. Yeah, and then what happens is you mute them, and I let you know like that's your fart mic. So whenever you have one, you just unmute it. It's a really good idea. I think it's because I gave it to you before we started taping.

What you haven't seen is that I gave you the idea before. I mean, what episode is that from? Does that say? I don't know. Yes, it does. It is from episode three. Look how dark your beard was. I think it says it on the clip.

357. 367. 367, and we're on four. No, we're on 551. Yeah. So that was 200 episodes ago, four years ago. The point is that your people lied. What's your point, Tom?

You don't know. I could have given you the idea before we started rolling that day, and I probably fucking did. Babe, you clearly go, what a great idea. Yeah, because I'm playing along. It's called show business, Tom. You don't have the footage where I gave you that idea. You guys can see what's going on.

It's stupid. You're not stupid, OK? You saw what happened. That was entrapment. You knew that I gave you the idea. No, I knew that you'd lie about it. Can we just talk about how dark your beard was and how much hair you had?

And you're not even going to mention how fat I am? Like fucking at least 40 pounds heavier in this. Ellis was like five months old then. That wasn't, that was like three years ago. Look how much we've aged from having two children. Yeah. That's amazing. It is incredible, actually.

Yeah, it's like when you become president and you leave the presidency. Man, the president's really aged like a mother. I know, that's what we are right now. That's incredible. Four years will do to them. Eight years. You know what?

I'd like to see the very beginnings of this conversation because I bet I seeded. I planted the seeds of fart mic. I was like, wouldn't it be great if? And then you were like, oh, yeah, you could just have a dedicated mic. That was probably my idea to have a dedicated mic. Yeah, if you could find me a time code to isolate,

I'd love to do that. But Anna, who fought for the fart mic on the opening of this new set? You did, you did. And it was a real hit. And McDonald's was not happy. You were like, Tom, that was a great idea. I think we should do it.

And then we did. Do you remember? You know, I don't like who you've become in this quarantine. You're just, you're unraveling emotionally. I'm sorry. It's like, we've got all this time together now and I see who I married. I didn't even know.

I haven't ever spent this much time there. The flip of it is that I actually adore you. You like me so much more now, I know. Why do you think that is? And you dislike me. Yeah. How did that happen? I don't know.

Maybe because I don't know. I'm around you and I was like, oh, I really like her. And then I'm around you and you're like, I don't really like them. Yeah. We totally switched places. You don't like me, huh? No, I do. I just get scared a little from time to time.

Of what? But you're dealing with those things. And I'm probably. What are you scared of? You know, the poetry and the stuff, the trying to set me up, the entrapment stuff. It's a lot. So do you remember college?

Yeah. I remember when this used to happen. I fucking loved college. College was fun. All right. So how are you liking hanging out with us so far? It's pretty awesome, right? It was great.

Good answer, dog. Great. What are you guys about? Woo! Party. Party! Lots of women. Yeah.

Lots of women. Women! Yeah! Yeah! 00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:28,160 00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:28,160 00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:28,160

00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:28,160 00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:28,160 00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:28,160 00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:28,160 00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:28,160 00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:28,160 00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:28,160 00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:28,160

00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:28,160 00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:28,160 00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:28,160 00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:28,160 00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:28,160 00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:28,160 00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:28,160 00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:28,160

00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:28,160 00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:28,160 00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:28,160 00:45:29,120 --> 00:45:30,080 What about you? Hanging out with the cops, right? The cops, the cops, the parties are cool. Everybody's real cool. Party man.

That guy looks a little nervous. How did you guys find this clip? I think someone sent it. Someone sent an email to the YMH email, your mom's podcast at gmail.com. And so that they think they found footage from Bert's college days. Oh, from his college days.

Yeah. OK. OK. So you ready for the machine? You ready? Oh, the machine. Are you ready for the machine, bro? I don't think so.

I don't think so. Are you ready for the machine? What machine? The machine. Are you ready? Hey! Turn it off! Come on!

Are you ready? Are you ready? 00:46:06,800 --> 00:46:07,440 Are you ready? Are you fucking ready? No. Seriously, what's the machine? Come on, man.

Are you kidding, man? Dude, this is awesome. This is awesome. But now when we play it for him, you got to cover up that lower third. Can you do that? Yeah, yeah, we could punch him. OK.

Cool. Let's see where this goes. Party! Party! Oh, wow. This is totally him. Oh, God, it's him. It's him.

Wow. How did you get this footage from the 90s when he was in college? It's fucking awesome. Come on, man. Come on, man. Come on, man. Come on, man.

Get on the bed. Get on the bed. Party! Party! Party! Party! Are you fucking ready for the machine? Hey!

Hey! Wait! Pound it! Pound it! Pound it! Pound it! Machine! Machine!

Machine! Machine! Hmm, that guy doesn't look too happy. Yeah, he looks kind of upset at the machine. Does it get graphic? That's pretty much the gist of it. Really? Mm-hmm.

It's not graphic? So, I mean, as far as I can see, I don't think there's any penetration in the clips that we... Oh, really? Mm-hmm. That's too bad. Yeah.

It's more simulated than anything, but it's fun. But this guy looks like he's actually hurting. Mm-hmm. He's like... So weird that he made this video. Yeah. You got to show this to one.

Two bears. Yeah, yeah. This is great. Definitely. He's a legend in the fraternity world. Grody. Actually, that kind of looks like Ari, doesn't it? Yeah, maybe he is butt-pounding.

This is a much better-looking Ari. Did they go to college together? No, but, I mean, it feels like they may have, you know? Um... What is this here? Oh, yeah, that's gross. Who is this person harassing the cops?

Oh, so this is interesting. Okay. Because most of the time when we have cool people, or, you know, if we play drugs or mental illness, like, the person always has the card stacked against them, where they seem just genuinely insane. And like, you know, maybe like, living on the street or something.

Right. This is fun, because this person is going through a manic episode, but is very educated and articulate. Oh. Okay, let's hear it. Wow. Are you on a new medication at all? No.

I'm not. Is there anything that's changing? Who are you, Hastings? I'm an officer of Portland Police. I'm an ECIT officer. Oh, really? And you're really an expert on mental illness, aren't you? Well, I mean, I'm not a psychiatrist or psychologist.

No, you're not. And I'm the fucking smartest person you have ever fucking met. So get the fuck down off of my ass. She seems kind of upset. Did you go to college, Hastings? I did. You did? Would you study?

Social sciences. Oh, social sciences. Great. Oh, minor. You should know a little bit about it then, right? You had douche. You had douche. Miners were kind of bullshit.

I minored in polycyte, but that means nothing. It means you took like two extra classes. So to brag about your minor, it's kind of... He didn't brag. He's like, with a minor in... Psychology. I mean, I don't think it was... She was like, did you go to college?

Yeah, and then he goes, I majored in, but then I minored in... But it's not a brag. If someone's asking you what you studied, you'd be like, I got this, I got a minor in French. Oh, I never gave my minor. I always just say what my major was. Did you give your minor? No, I don't even think I have one.

So... I never brag it. But I don't think it's a brag. I don't think it should be what he did was a brag. I think he's just like sharing... Like he wasn't trying to volunteer it, you know? Yeah. Yeah.

Well, let's see here. I have a fucking finance with honors degree. I'm a certified financial planner. I'm also an attorney of law. And I know my fucking rights. What's your bar now? I don't fucking know that. Douche.

You don't know that? Coming out of my vagina. Douche. He knew how to walk right into that. What's your bar number? I don't know that. You fucking douche. Douche.

Yeah. Your behavior is very erratic. Oh, is it? And, Jimmy, every time we just try to have a normal conversation with you, it just goes right to insults. Is that against the law? Is it against the law to insults a man in blue?

These poor people, this has got to be what like the frustration they feel from this interaction will be taken out on somebody else. Yeah. Like, they're just like, God damn it. Because this lady's such an asshole, and then they're going to give it to somebody else. And you take down the blacks, and you get fucking on video.

That's false. Okay. Have a good day, Jimmy. I want him arrested for physical assault. You fuckface. That's what our toddler does. They just stand there and scream. It's horrible.

These poor police. If you're going to block his way or grab on his car, you've got one or two things. You've got a jail for disorderly conduct, or you can go to the mental hospital. Which one would you like? Go to the mental hospital. Go to the mental hospital.

This poor guy. I'm a big fucking man, and I'm going to pull out my dick, and see how big it is, and I've got the biggest dick of them all. I've got the biggest dick of them all. I've got the biggest dick of them all. I didn't know you can't get arrested

for fucking with cops like that. I didn't know they can't just be like, hey, you can't talk to me like that. I don't know. They should just arrest you for it. Yeah, I think if you start upping it to like this kind of stuff, there's probably like,

I wouldn't advise to do this. I think they can arrest you, but it seems like these officers know this woman. Yeah, they definitely, they know, or they know her well. Hastings. Oh, the little Hastings boy who got bullied, and so then he's going to be the big ass,

or he's got a small penis, because he's a white man, and white men have small dicks. Are you racist? Yeah, I'm fucking racist against white people. That's a good angle. She's a lot. She's a lot.

Yeah, she's annoying. Yeah. Uh-oh. Oh, that can get you arrested for sure. You can't touch their car. Why? Why are you arresting me? Transmitter back.

Now, didn't Drew say that meth makes you go towards the police? That's not meth. No, that's a manic. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Yikes.

She's having a manic psychotical. Too much coffee. Yeah. Too much coffee. That's what she says down at the station. They're like, what's up with you? And she's like, oh, double latte. Always fires me up.

Holy shit. Can you imagine the crazy shit police see every day? I know. It's just got to be so much of this, like mental illness and... By the way, I think you first brought to my attention that one of the department stores was going bankrupt.

Jay Crew. No, no, but a department store. Saks Fifth Avenue. Oh, Saks. And then Jay Crew came after that. Yeah. Who's... Like, there's got to be some...

Can you make that bigger? Now, in all-fartness, ELA, Klein and I, we were just perusing sacks Fifth Avenue a few months ago, and they were doing... They were closing their shop in Beverly Hills already. So I think they were on the ropes. One of the things that's going to be really affected already has been... Dean and DeLuca sucks.

I'm kind of glad that's gone. Well, Bar Louie, I saw that. Movie theaters. Oh, my God. Movie theaters. So fucked. I don't know if... Even the biggest one is, I think, AMC.

I think they're shutting most of that down. You're kidding. Gold's Gym filed for bankruptcy. That's crazy. Wow. There's so many places that are... Yeah, Jay Crew was the first American... Can I see that?

First American retail domino to fall, okay, amid the pandemic. Wow, man. But in all fairness, their clothes were kind of boring too, weren't they? I really don't know anybody that's stoked on Jay Crew, right? They kind of fell off. I mean, I don't hear it a lot. Most of my friends aren't like,

you see that new Jay Crew drop? Yeah, no one gives... Hey, there's our buddy... Oh! Our buddy Nygard from Winnipeg. Wow, under fire after class action lawsuit filed for sex trafficking against Peter Nygard. Well, I know that the innocence will prevail, sir.

Peer one. Dude, peer one. These are things that you never thought would fail, you know? I mean, just not that like you go, it's impossible to fail, but they seem like just such staples of the regular, right? True religion, genes. Yeah, designer genes. Virgin Australia.

Yeah, I knew about that, yeah. I didn't know that. He's gotten a lot of shit, Branson, because he's been filing for bailouts and everyone's like, why don't you continue to pay out of your pocket for some of this shit? I know, it's such a scumbag group. Billionaire.

I want to see more. Yeah. Speedcast, international, stylish internet company. Rent path, that's not even a thing. I mean, have you heard of that? You're just dismissing someone's company. You're like, that's not real. I've never heard of you, that's not real.

Okay, it's incredible though. This has really affected a lot, obviously. I am glad to see Jay Krugo. I don't give a shit for them. I don't give a fuck about Jay. They're terrible. Their clothes were for like boring, sad HR ladies. Oh my God.

It was boring. It was like nerd clothes. Yeah, they employed so many people. You're like, good, they're done. They're done. Sick of your clothes. Well, I mean, what are you going to do? Get another job, stupid.

I worked in retail, but never at Jay Krugo because it was too boring. Wow. Let's scroll up, let's see more. We just went through them. No, I want to go to the top of the list. That was it? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Who do we want to go under? Not Star Beezies. That's your fave jam. Like the islands will never go bad. You know what I kind of fucking hate? Is Rubex? What's that?

Juicing? Brubex? Robux? Jamba Juice? No, I like Jamba Juice. Oh, I wish they were trail. Robux. It's kind of gross, didn't you?

I got really sick from Jamba Juice one time. Robux. This one's fake and gross. It just tastes like sugar and a cut. Like it's not good for you in the least. And you want them to go bankrupt. Yeah, because they suck and I don't like their product very much. Okay.

Jamba Juice too, because they made you barf that one time. That was terrible. I think, oh, Yoshi Noia. Like nobody really eats there either. I think they can eat it. Del Taco? Fuck Del Taco. Del Taco is so nasty.

Pepsi? I wish they would go under. They're too big to fail, but I really wish they would. I can't believe anybody drinks Pepsi. Do you believe that people do that? You just got to be a piece of shit. Yeah. If you opt for Pepsi. Overcoat?

Oh my god. Coke is so much better than Pepsi. You know, we got to have a thing from now on that if we're considering hiring anybody here, they vote on that right away. Like that tells you whether or not you can work here? Yeah, that's like one of the things that we figure out. It's our question.

And if they go, oh, definitely Pepsi. What? Chris drinks Pepsi? Yeah, we order it specifically for him because he doesn't drink. Oh, fired. Fired. You don't do Coca-Cola?

Why? Because they support apartheid? Why? No, I just like Pepsi more. What? What? Yeah. Your whole life?

No, I've switched over the years between Coke and Pepsi. But you got a communist. When you were a little kid, did you like Pepsi more? Um. That was forced onto you. Yeah. Who did that to you? That's not natural.

No, no, no. But tell me, come on. You were a little kid. You like Pepsi more, right? Yeah. And then when did you go to Coke? When you learned to read? When did you switch over?

No, I switched to Coke briefly, I think, in college, and then I switched back to Pepsi. Oh my god. You're not even American. I've always liked Pepsi more, man. Really? It tastes better. You're talking about regular Pepsi?

Yeah, just regular Pepsi. I don't drink diet shit. Wrong. Pepsi tastes like dog piss. It's disgusting. Are you Christian? Converted to Islam too, yeah. He's going to come in wearing his hijab next week.

Seriously, let's have a meeting after this about that. Like I want a one-on-one with Chris after this. Are you going to write a poem for him too? I don't know. It depends where the conversation goes. Don't make fun of the poem. Sorry. But also, throw all the Pepsi products out.

Just so he can't have it? Yeah, no, no. He can't take them home. Pour it out and throw them away. So no one can have this Pepsi. Right. And never buy it again. Can I donate it to a shelter?

Nope. Pour it in the alley. Baja Fresh always made me feel sick too. Yeah. It made me feel violently ill, and I would eat it like a lot. It's like the fakest growth. There's Chipotle. Why are you eating Baja Fresh?

By the way, isn't J Crew and the Gap, aren't they owned by the same? Yeah. And Banana Republic. So how are they not listed? Is it just, you know what I mean? Are the Gap, Banana Republic? Old Navy.

They're all old. There's some other mall stores that I would love to never see again. Oh, so many, suck. You know, I know we had fans at our old location at the old mall we lived at, but I have to say, Island's Restaurant, not a fan of islands. Yeah.

And I, you know, I'm sorry. I know some of the employees, like I said, were big fans of your mom's. I still love you guys, but the food was not very good there. At islands. Not good. And I want to like it because I like hamburgers, but I don't like it.

And I do wish they'd bring back hamburger hamlet. Now that was a good hamburger chain, and I don't know why they got rid of those. I don't even have hard feelings against Mortons for taking their money back. I would still eat there, yeah. I like Mortons too. I don't want them to go bankrupt.

Mrs. Fields, cookies are good. I liked her. She could stay in the mall. Orange Julie is disgusting. What was that? Mrs. Fields cookies. What's that? That's their song?

That's their song. Mrs. Fields cookies. Little bit. That's such a good one. Coffee beans can go out of business? No. You know what can go out? I was having sex this morning.

I'm doing this dust. I'm with the white bugs that he's calling down on me. We own him and some of them was in the bed and he was like, what the fuck? He was like, what's going on? I said, I don't know. How could you laugh at that? I don't know.

She had bugs coming out of her pus. Can I finish my coffee? Yeah, your coffee content. I take it back. Pete's coffee. I wish they would go bankrupt. That's what I was going to say. I like the coffee bean.

I take it back. I like coffee beans in Starbucks. That should be the only two coffees. Yeah. And Pete's coffee is dog shit and I fucking hate it. That is absolute trash. And we're forgetting Dunkin. Let them all die.

Please. Gross. Are they still a viable company? Can you look up Dunkin? Dunkin. We've changed our name. Can't even call ourselves doughnuts because we're so nasty.

I hate Dunkin Donuts coffee. It's fucking gross. That's old. That's the old one. That's the old news. That's the old news. Damn. They're probably...

They're open. Dunkin. I'm so stupid they... I don't like that name. Gosh, I wish they would close. And now me tell. What is... Who's their parent company?

Do they have like a... Somebody that... You know what I mean? Their coffee is garbage. It's not good. Dunkin Brands. No, no, no, no. Now.

Okay. Let's see these other brands though. Dunkin Brands. Yeah. Hit that. I still love McDonald's. I don't hold a grudge. Of course.

They can stay open. Does it list anything else? Oh, they own Baskin Robbins. Oh, Baskin Robbins is good. They can stay open. Hmm. I wonder if there's some way we could, you know, set up like a protest or something.

To close Dunkin Donuts, even though they're financially okay right now. Yeah. Like maybe release some news about them. You know what I mean? Yeah, like is there any way we could tie homophobia to it, the way that Chick-fil-A does? Or like transphobia?

Or like, you're not supportive of trans... I only start a fucking march in front of there and just put it like, why don't you accept current trans people? And they're like, what? Dunkin Donuts excludes trans employees. Like what? How many employees do you have that are transmask?

How many? And then they, they put out a list. They're like currently 300. We're like, that's not enough. How many non-binary employees do you have? Are Arabs welcome in your stores? Man. Anyways.

Anyways. This chick is nasty as hell. I don't even know how she's laughing. It's actually such a nasty clip. Her nails are nasty. Those long nails carry bacteria under them. Yeah, those are really gross. But she's extraordinarily gross.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She um... She has bugs on her coochies, which is why she said it. Uh... I think she was crabs. Did you see her Britney Spears gym thing?

Her gym belt? She set her gym on fire. Yeah. Hi guys, I'm in my gym right now. I haven't been in here for like six months because I burnt my gym down, unfortunately. I had two candles and yeah, one thing led to another and I burnt it down.

I know, it's so random. She's been so strange for like the last year where it feels like such a notable shift. You know, in the way she talks and all the posts are just strange, man. I don't know what it is. I do. I think it's bipolar one or two or...

She's not taking them. So I'm in here and I only have two pieces of equipment left and I'm going to show you guys what I do during this time. So boring. People work out and camera. Okay. And then she works out. I mean, good.

Look, I think she's a very talented, great person, but it's just... Yeah, she's losing her mind a little bit. She needs help. So weird. She burned her gym down. You know, one thing led to another and you know how that goes. I love when people tell stories.

Candles, you know how that happens. Usually buildings burn down. Well, what happened? You knocked over a candle and it ignited metal. How does that work, by the way? What's her gym made out of? Yeah, I don't know. Because that gym looks like it's made out of plastic and metal.

I didn't even know that was very... She just puts out strange things. Today was a very, very good day because I got to go outside and play and then after I did that, I went to the pool and after I went to the pool, I saw the cats. And the cats were very, very nice to me, but they hissed at my sister and then I went outside and I saw all these dogs and I saw a nice little Ivy

and I saw Maddie. Then we had a birthday party. I think she's doing impression of her kids. Oh, okay. Oh, that's cute. Yeah. It's an interesting filter though. Like I wouldn't do that filter.

And I would also preface it by being like, this is an impression of my kids telling a story. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's probably good to get it out of the way. We've been really doing a lot of neighbors fighting lately. And this neighbor gets into a real... I think the setup for this, because I just saw the first clip of it,

I think the whatever happened before is missing, but it seems like the movers are parked partially on her lawn and she's out there like watering her lawn. But we clearly jump in after there's been a big back and forth because it is aggressive out of the gate. So... You're a cracker. Oh, keep on.

Yeah, keep on. Hit me. Keep on. Because I want you to go to jail. Yeah, I don't care. I want you to go to jail. Hey, bro, let it go, bro. You make the right motherfucking lawn, motherfucker.

Now, what first thing I think of, what's going on with her bra situation? Yeah, there's a lot of that. You always have to change the way I look at women. And the first thing I think is you don't have a supportive bra. You don't have a supportive bra. No state droopers. Those are big state droopers.

I mean, I thought they were going to French. They're real close. I thought they were getting real close and she was like, I want you to French me. She's got a really cool haircut and she's got a really, really cool non-existent bra. Is there a bra even on? No.

No, those are loose, loose meat hangers. Those are so big. Well, the problem is a lot of ladies think because it's summertime and I'm hot. I should be wearing less. And then they neglect to wear proper supportive bras. Yeah, I mean, look at those tits. They're near her navel.

They're near her navel. It's a bad choice, Tom. And I'm glad you're finally noticing. Guess what? I don't think you know who I am. And what I do out here is get this shit off my bra. Stop spraying off people's stuff. That ain't your stuff.

That's the fucking road, mother fucker. Get off my shit. I think he's a mover. He's wearing a back support. What do you mean you think he's a mover? Oh, so he's like, he's moving probably somebody right now. Yeah, that's what's going on. And she's upset about it.

And I know that though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's a moving truck. You guys have seen these clips. I haven't. So this is the first time I'm seeing all of this. I just saw the opening clip. Like the first clip of it, he's a mover.

He's wearing that back support thing. He's clearly unloading the truck. And she's like, get your fucking truck. Which is temporary when people are moving. They're allowed to kind of make people's lives miserable for a day. Usually. Usually it just sucks. And you're just like, yeah, then it's over.

But wow, she's real neat. She's really aggressive, man. Bro, we can't finish this shit. See out here. Oh, damn, we got to watch this shit, bro. No, you ain't staying here. You're not allowed to work up here and block shit. And you're not allowed to be on my property.

And you're on my fucking shell garden ruining it. Shell garden. I'm fucking shitting your ass. Not the shell garden. Wow. Shell gardens. Let's see. Not the shell garden.

Oh, fuck. She broke. They broke so many shells. Her shell garden. Yeah, she's going to find new shells. He's on his way, bro. Yeah, he's on his way. He's going to fucking stroke a check for $200 when he gets here.

Oh, boy, so shrill. It ain't one of four. It's one of three. Fuck it. I love her scream. I wish there was more footage after this. Like, I want to see where this really ends up, you know? You're on my property.

Get the fuck off. Could you imagine that's your wife? Oh, my god. This actually gave me anxiety. Like, how upset she is. I mean, I've felt this, like, towards you. But I just sit here in the dove. But it's just like, whew.

We've all been this mad in the doves. I know. Everybody feels this way. Everybody. So I pull up to 7-11. And what do I find in the ashtray on top of a garbage can? A goddamn donor. Yeah.

No. Bro, donuts are, like, 10 cents. Is PissSpots doing new videos? This is a different channel. This is gross. Stale cigarette ash on the frosting. Oh, my god. This costs 2.2 out of 10.

Goodbye. So this is garbage reviews? I love it. This is, like, these are the dumpster diver people that, the Freganism member of those Fregan maniacs that go through dumpsters and they live off of food that people have thrown out. Yeah.

I would love to see more about this topic. Jesus Christ, man. That's a rough one. Poof. Fuck. Can't kill you, apparently. Oh, my god. Send in your Freganism.

Fregan videos. I love that shit. People are like, throw this away. It's perfectly good. It's a little puffy. It's past the expiration date. That's OK. What do you feel, by the way?

How do you feel about Nick Cage being, he's, he accepted the role of Joe Exotic. They're going to do a scripted series for Tiger King. Don't you think perfect? Because he's so weird. I never thought of it. And then when I saw it, I was like, that is awesome. Perfect.

He's a little bigger than that guy, though. Yeah, but it is, like, when you, yeah, when you think of him, him by watching that doc and then playing the character is going to be amazing. Fantastic. Yeah. He's going to grow that facial hair. He's going to do the blonde.

He's, this is like going to make him, you remember when John Travolta did pulp fiction? Everyone's like, yeah, like Travolta. And then the, the, the role was just in the movie is amazing. If it's well done as a movie or a series, Nick Cage could get like such a bump from playing this part, you know? So I think you'll do it so well.

I predict. He's great. But then I wonder what the scripted series is. It's the showrunner from American Vandal. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's our boy. Will you scroll down so we can see the showrunner's name? Because we, we might know this dude actually.

Can you make this bigger? Okay. Eight episode. Oh, it is eight episode. Okay. So what is it? It's Perseverance. Perseverance.

So magic television. They option the article in Dan Lagana. Oh, it's Dan. Yep. Very funny guy, very sweet guy. We like him a lot. That's interesting. I wonder what they're going to do with the story though.

I mean, there are so many stories in that documentary. It's pretty wild. It's also interesting to make it a series. Like a scripted series after watching a script. Like we saw a docu-series. When you scroll down, they say what they're going to do. The story centers around Joe Sherboygill, whatever, Joe Exotic and eccentric zookeeper in Oklahoma

who fights to keep his park even at the risk of losing his sanity. The series will live in the lion's den with Joe. Explore how he became Joe Exotic and how he lost himself to a character of his own creation. Okay. Well, there you go. The role marks the first regular television role of Cage's career. He has long been praised for his film work.

Yeah. That is really, really hilarious. Wow. Logana. That's our dude. Yeah. Congratulations. Yes. It's super exciting, man. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah. I think that's super cool.

I think people are really interested in that right now. That seems like a good place to go. I want them to delve more into the relationships that he has with his husbands. Yeah. I want to see how, remember that guy that he was feeding meth to? That's got to be, that's a whole series right there. He and the meth boyfriend.

Yeah. I want to see, I want to see him rope in these guys who were all straight. You're not that straight like that shit. Yeah. Do you like little dicks, big dicks? Yeah. That's what he would tell them, right? You ain't that straight. Yeah.

They watch porn and be like, do you like, do you like to see small dicks or big dicks? Yeah. And he's like, I like big dicks. And he's like, you're totally gay then. Yeah. He's like, well, you ain't that straight. Yeah. Yeah.

And then the guy's like, I guess you're right. That's when you got him. Yeah. As soon as he says that and they're like, I never thought of it. He's like, yeah, come over here real quick. It's like the masturbation circle we were talking about earlier. Absolutely. Just watch me do it.

See? Now let me watch you do it. It's normal. You have to act like it's totally normal. Yeah. Then the guy's like, I just checked off in front of another guy. He's like, a lot of guys do it. Come on. Let's do it again. It is just that easy to convince people to do stuff. If you act like it's normal. Yeah.

That's how you get people to do wild shit apparently. A hundred percent. You're like, what's big deal? Just do it. Lay on your back. Pull your leg. Hold them behind your head. Yeah. I'm just going to slide right in.

Really? Yeah. Everyone does it. Everyone does this. Yeah. And then you leave that person's company and everyone goes, what the fuck? You're like, I just, I thought I was doing the... I think you've done this tactic on me.

Were you normalized stuff? And you're like, it's fine. It's just a figure in your butt. Yeah. I'm like, what? Yeah. You haven't done this? No, it's fine. It's good.

That's not a big deal. Come on. It's not a big deal. Who would you have played Carol Baskin? Me. In the series? I'm just kidding. Carol Baskin. Oh, you know who would be great?

Sally Struthers. Sally Struthers? Yeah, look up Sally. Let's see. How long has it been since she done stuff? But Carol's old. Yeah. Let's see.

I think she might be... Right? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah? Yeah, it's not so bad actually. It's not crazy. No.

She's like kooky blonde lady. You need one. Okay, here's how you know, blondes are crazy. When they only have one shade of super, super, super blonde and no low lights. When a woman doesn't have low lights, that's when they're fucking cray.

Right. That's what Sally Struthers was. Oh, she's too old there now, yeah? Yeah, but I mean... Carol Baskin. She could do it. Yeah. If she hasn't totally nuts.

What's that, what does it say right there with the Netflix in the background to the left there? Yeah, what's that say? Is that old? This looks like she got cast in something. It's a star in upcoming, what is it from? At Buck's County Playhouse.

Yeah, this is from not that long ago. Then the last year. All right, so she's still working, man. Sally Struthers. That's your Carol Baskin's pick. I kind of like it. Yeah. Do you have anybody in mind?

No, I'm trying to think of the rest of them. I would like to see Brendan Schaub play Travis. You know? Yeah. Oh, right. Who's going to play that guy? You know who I would like to see play that guy? John Malkovich.

Oh, that'd be good. Playing Bhagavan. John Finley. Oh, yeah. Yeah, so that could be... I want John Malkovich to play that guy. That would be perfect. Wait, who's the villain?

The guy that wears all the studs? Jeff Lowe. Jeff Lowe. Who's going to play? What about the guy? That's a good one. What about John from John and Kate plus eight? Can play who?

The villain. What? Because he wears all that shit anyways. Oh, yeah. He's known for wearing that douchebag stuff. I know, but he's Asian. It's kind of... Well, open your heart.

Well, I mean... Open your mind, Tom. You probably want the guy to kind of look like Jeff Lowe. You know? Who looks like that? Who kind of looks like that? Gosh. Yeah, that's ridiculous.

Jesus. Nobody looks like this guy. I'm trying to think. Who comes to mind with Jeff Lowe? Okay, well, who's the guy from... I just want to fly. Sugar Ray. That guy.

Put your arms around me, sugar Ray. He's got that. Yeah. Mark McGrath. Mark McGrath. He's got that guy. Babe, you're kind of fucking hitting home runs today. Nailed it.

I should be casting stuff, guys. He could be Jeff Lowe. Come on, dude. Jesus Christ. That was a really good one. You got it. Yeah. I got to work in casting.

Who's John Finley? Which one's John Finley? The guy with the meth teeth. Oh, that guy. Let me look at his face again. Go back. No, that one there. They're just going to have to do prosthetic teeth,

but let me think who John Finley... He's going off. I know. Jesus Christ. Back it up. Back it up. It's making me angry, too. Here's another poem.

There he is. Yeah, this guy's red. OK, it'd have to be a Russian. A Russian? Like a gangster looking. Or a redneck, you know? Yeah, the same shit, different toilet. You know what I mean?

Oh, yeah. Yes, Dave Bautista. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, but he's like so jacked, you know? Well, he's retired from sports entertainment. He's got... Oh, he's too red. Sports entertainment.

Is that wrestling? Yeah. Wrestlers are stupid. Oh, he's got that. Look at this. He's 50? Damn. That dude's 50.

Jesus Christ, man. How's his heart? I know. I know. Who was Keith Federline? Federline. Wait. Kevin Federline.

Kevin Federline. How are you doing this? I have a gift today for... I mean, that is John Finley. He's got to knock a few of his teeth out and then he's fucking done. I know. Yeah. I don't know what it is today.

It's the wig. It's giving me all kinds of superpowers, but yeah, right? Yeah. Like that white trash kind of look. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like I am a garbage person. Yeah.

Yeah, there he is. So garbage, yeah. Unbelievable. You really, really are fucking on it today. The casting. Yeah, the casting. Jesus. Thanks.

I'm impressed. I'm proud of myself. You know who else could play John Finley? Oh. Motherfuckers want to just text me and say, Hey, how you doing? Not so fucking good, you dumb fuck. Do you know who I fucking am?

Why are you gonna fucking text me and say, Hey, how you doing? Really? Why don't you text me and say just some fucking money, bro? I see how you're doing. Don't text me right now with any fucking A, bro. I'm worried about you. How you doing?

I'm doing fucking just great. You stupid fucks. He sounds like he's doing great. He's also, that's a cool way to solicit a donation. You know? Oh, is that, is that what you're doing? Yeah, he's accepting some fucking money. You got some money you can fucking afford?

Throw that shit on my fucking demo. I'll pay you back. I don't even pay you double, you fucking cocksuckers. What? That dude gonna pay us double? You fucking damn right I will. My promise work to the motherfucker. Get rid of your fucking cable.

With some motherfucking cave sense, though. Pardon me, bitch. I'll entertain you all month. Wow. Powerful. That was a really cool video we put out. That reminds me of our new game. Since all these videos are very hostile today,

our new game of playing abusive spouse with one another and as we take our walks, it's really been fun for me. I know. The shoving, the, like, which way do you want to go? I'll go fucking go over here, idiot. Yeah, why'd you do that? Like, you know those couples who they chest eyes each other for everything?

I like doing it and then, like, as we round the corner with always a little bit of hope, like, that somebody here, you know? Why'd you want it right there? I don't want to fucking go to Starbucks right now. Yeah. Did you bring your gloves? Are you even wearing your gloves?

Where's your mask? God. You can get COVID from the air, stupid. Why'd you make a left? Where'd you make a left? Now we have to go around all the way and fucking around. All the way around. Go waste all kinds of time.

Fucking idiot. Idiot. Yeah, just see somebody go like, Jesus. I love couples. And also, this morning on my morning walk, Tom, you're going to appreciate this. I saw people not only walking in the open air, mind you. This is not, like, in a shopping center.

This is just open air in our neighborhood. They're wearing the masks. And now, latex gloves. Wearing the gloves. Just to walk. Yeah. Just to walk in the open air. And I'm pretty sure.

You might touch it in the air, though. What if you raise your hand and it's flying by, and you touch it? Now you have to do these on your hand. You got to lick your latex glove. It's smart. It's a good, it's a. Well, and I've worn latex gloves to go grocery shopping.

Yeah. And they're, they're so sweaty when you take them off. I don't know if you've done this yet. But it's so, I can't even imagine the amount of sweat in those gloves when they take them off. Yeah. It's not pleasant. It's not pleasant at all.

Why, why walk? Why bother? Yeah. It's, I don't know. I put on the glove. I'm going to touch something, but not for a walk around the neighborhood. Not for a walk in open air, which nobody has said that that's a good way to catch COVID yet.

I have not heard of a single person getting it, just from airborne. It doesn't. You know what I mean? Of course. Open air. As far as I know. Ridiculous.

Kirk. Seven. Anne. Only six. What's your six, Anne? Retard. Retard. Spilled.

Ah, I swallowed it. Thank God. You had to get, I was just taking a sip, man. Retard. Okay. I look up tetrad. Anne, retired. You need two hours.

Anne, I'm afraid there's only one there. Tetrade. Thanks. Oh, yes. Thank you. Yep. Retard. Oh, guys.

Can someone take my phone? Someone's going to take your phone? Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, you know what? Why don't we stop down here for a moment? And we'll be back in just a second. This episode is brought to you by Tushy.

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I like the characters. I like the sounds. I know it sounds childish, but it's really fun. And it's not too hard where you don't want to continue playing because you're like, oh, I want something relaxing but still challenging. And I like that they keep it challenging every level. And yeah, I like the characters.

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who's leaning into a new lane. It's Josh Potter's back on the car. How are you? Sorry, just applying my tit cups here. That's fucking hot. I am so excited for this. Norm influenced you. Yeah, I got some tit cups.

I'm trying to apply the first one here. It's hand pumped. I'm not. Yeah, advanced. It's advanced as a norm. Oh, this one's working. Here we go. Oh, nice.

Hold on. What's the secret? Are you finding? Oh, oh, there it goes. Is it really going? It's suctioning. See now, these tick hubs were purchased on Amazon. So there you go.

Oh, nice. Keep pumping. Keep pumping. Oh my God. New world record though. I know what the secret is. What's that? Do you see the shape of that other one?

Yeah. So it's a kind of an oval. Right. That's the shape that you need to. So up and down. So make sure. What do you mean? Like there.

Like that. Like how your hand is holding them. Oh, I see. So the contour is to my tits. That's right. Yeah. Here, this might help you out a little bit. Make sure you're doing it that way.

Look at the screen over here. OK. Oh, are you going to show me Norman? Well, I'm just going to show you. You deseyas tener unos pechos más grandes y firmes? La ropa no te sienta también como te gustaría? Estás desanimada después de haber probado distintos tratamientos sin conseguir resultados?

Conseguir un pecho más grande de forma natural sin tener que gastar una fortuna o pasar por el quirófano no era fácil. Pero ahora podrás conseguir estos ansiados resultados gracias a Elax. So this is going to help. Elax está basado en una técnica con más de 1,000 años de historia.

Oh, there you go. Esta técnica se emplea diario en espas y centros de belleza para mejorar la circulación de zonas con celulitis, fiel de naranja, problemas musculares. Oh, that little thing. Oh. Impresionante resultados, aumentando el tamaño del pecho de las mujeres.

So that's where that little plug goes. This has a little plug. Oh, really? Of course. Oh, wait. Maybe that's that part. What do I do with it? Well, let me see.

Because that little part has to come out. So you have to test it. Yeah, it needs to like. Is it not coming out? Is the one that you that had the little baggy? The little device that was in the baggy? Wait, isn't doing it when I do it? Right.

It's got to be put on your boob right. But also make sure the contour, the shape. There you go. I see some movement. Is it working better this way? I can feel a little. Yeah. It's creating the suction that you need.

What about the little piece that was in there? Could that possibly go? There's nowhere for it to go. No, like it has. What if it went on the inside inside the cup, though? It doesn't. It can't possibly. But there's a do you see?

Oh, I can't see. I can't see. See, I think. Because it looks like it was. It needs to create suction. And that's what she's doing. See that little bulb comes out when it's hot. Okay, watch.

She's so happy. Beautiful. I want my tits like hers. I bet you Pig will write in and give us some tips. He's got his on for hours. I can't even get it on for 30 seconds. But see the contour shape?

The shape there, it fits under her breast. So if you could put your tit meat in there, lean forward and get that precious armpit tit. That's what you had in there. That arm. There you go. That's how you're going to scoop it in. That's nice.

Scoop it in. Here we go. It needs to create. Do you see the pump thing coming in though? No, because he's not creating suction. I got it. He's not even getting it. Oh, wow.

Whoa. Oh, you missed it. Oh, and then you put the stopper on it. To form a natural. Yeah, so the thing is you have to create that suction and then you let the tit cup stay on like Norm does. I have a thought that maybe you're going forward.

Excuse me, like Pig does. Yeah. That might be the issue because she's not hunched over. Well, I need more meat for my tit. I don't have enough tit like her. But I think when you're doing that, you're breaking the seal on the suction. So try to lean back just a bit.

I remember when I was pumping, there you go. See? That seems to be making, there you go. It's in your posture because when you breast milk pump, it's the same principle. There you go. Is it growing? Oh, my God.

Oh, wow. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That's so hot. You did it. You did it. I was so turned on. You have an erection already?

Yes. Christina, how are you still in your chair? No, wait. So why can't we just have it stay on and suck? It doesn't keep, it doesn't maintain its suction for whatever reason. I don't think I have enough meat. The meat and the hair.

Maybe the hair too, yeah. Is there a way, I mean. Moisture. Moisture. See, I think Norman has a higher tech version. I think so too. Is there a way we could get a higher tech version? You know what I mean?

I mean, this is like. Yeah, I could try it. I'll do my research. Yeah, because this is like an entry level pump. Right, we need a high end pro pump. Yeah. Something that has to be plugged into a wall. Maybe.

OK. Oh, there he goes. There he goes. Ah. I mean, my tit feels bigger. That one, the right one. Oh, my God. It kind of does.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's a little bigger. Just from the little action that it had so far. That's pretty cool. Damn it. I want you in full tit cups, though. I want to get you.

It's going to happen. 01:33:56,880 --> 01:33:58,080 It's going to happen. I mean, give it time. It's going to happen. First experience here. And every hour that you keep it on. The posture thing is really the ticket.

There you go. There you go. There it goes. Dude, it's so good. Look, look, look. It's so red and big. Whoa, dude. It's so much bigger than the other one right now.

This is as good as I can get it. Whoa, keep going, keep going. Oh, wait. Can you seal it off like she did? Oh. Like try to seal in the flavor. I need like another hand, you know? It's the hair.

Probably. It's got to be the hair. I could use another hand. Any takers? I don't know. That was pretty cool, though. Imagine a pig with tits. Who would have thought?

Man, his are ridden. I think I'm off and have a shower because pigs are starting to stink up the high heavens. So let's get these tit cups off. His are so good. Take one. Yeah. I mean, shit.

Get the other one off. Oh, wait, here's two. Dude, he's got glass ones. Yeah, he doesn't. That's how I mean, this is plastic. Dude, I would invest in these for you in the high end ones. OK. The high end ones.

I mean, this one is fucking. You feel it? I should look at it already. Yeah. Dude, I mean. This is a whole new lane of sex work for you. I, it is. I now have tits.

So now. How is the sex work going? Oh, fantastically. Actually, thank you to everyone who has purchased the sex work. On Cameo, it's been a lot. I've got a lot of backlog, too. Is it is it carrying you through COVID?

It is, actually. It's helping me through COVID. And I think it's helping people through COVID as well. Right. It's a symbiotic relationship. I've done I've done sex work for people on the front lines. So I consider myself on the front lines right along with them. Wow.

Yeah. That's really something, man. Yeah. I've done sex work for doctors on the front line. Yeah, in New York. Interesting. Yes, I have. It's in there.

You could pull it up if you wanted to. Well, I really do think that tit cups could expand what you offer. I think so, too. Because now I'll have tits to go with the shoulder. Right. And but I mean, you could do tit centric videos. You know what I mean? Right.

Then you could switch it up. Somebody goes, I, you know, I'm not. Everyone likes tits. Everyone likes it. Some people might not be in the shoulder here. And then you go, oh, here's some tits. There's some tits. The difference between Nora.

I'm sorry. Pig and you is he is hairless. And I think that really does. Interesting point. I gotta say. Yeah. Yeah, probably. And he's probably been at it for a long time to get.

He's got so much more tit meat than me. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know, man. We got it. We got it. We got to explore our options here because I really want you to grow some nice tits.

He can't have had a hand pump. No, that's advanced. Whatever you got there. Yeah, he's got a thing where it's like electric. Yeah, there's electricity. That's what we're going to do for you. Thank God. So one of the things, so I caught some heat,

a lot of smoke from the wrestling fans. Yeah. Of which you are one. And I know. Look good, hardcore. I realized in all the hatred that came my way for my, you know, I'll say it was before I went to therapy that week. I lost my temper on a lot of issues.

But, you know, I was telling my therapist that, you know, I really expressed a lot of disdain towards this community. And that maybe they didn't deserve it. But one of the things I realized in that story, because I was talking about a lot of things, was that I don't think I've ever shared with you my Rick Flair story. You have a Rick Flair story?

Yeah. Oh my God. Are you really excited? Yeah. Yeah. I never told you this story. Wait, you met him or something? Well, it's kind of, it's even better than that.

So. Is he going to come on the show? No, but well, maybe. So, when I was nine, we left Cincinnati, and we moved to Minneapolis. And we lived there for another two and a half years. So, I went to fourth grade, fifth grade, and sixth grade in Minneapolis.

And it's also the first place I ever played football. Pee-wee football. So, when I was a, you know, kid, that was like my obsession. And my dad was happy to oblige. And when I was like, I want to play football, we moved to this new city, and I joined a Pee-wee football team in a suburb of Minneapolis called Plymouth.

And, you know, I basically had my, I guess ultimately it was like three groups of friends. And there it was like neighborhood kids, kids from school, and kids from Pee-wee football. And one of the people I played Pee-wee football with was David Flair. So, one day, we were at one of our Pee-wee games, and somebody goes, oh, hey, Rick Flair's here.

I'm like, Rick Flair's here, why? And we look, and there's a white limousine at a Pee-wee football game. That's what's up. And there's a dude in a full-length mink coat. Hell yeah. Oh my god, really? Yeah, and like bright blonde hair.

And we're like, that's Rick Flair. And they're like, yeah, that's David's dad. Just to pick him up from Pee-wee football? Well, he's watching the game. He's got to always be on, baby. He was on. But that's like you showing up to pick up our kid or something from preschool as like DJ Dad Malpo.

Kind of is, except that that is the role of a wrestler, you know? You're always from there. He lived it. He lived it. But here's what I actually was thinking about this week. Yeah. That we're friends and that I've known that you're a wrestling fan, but more so that you're a Rick Flair fan

from like having had conversations with you. Right, right. And that I've never told you that story. And the reason that I've never told you that story is because it's so insignificant to me. Because I don't care that I met him. Yeah. Well, I mean, and I feel like I've remissed in knowing this,

not knowing this, but I think David's dead. No. His brother, his half brothers. OK, yes. David was the one that didn't have the stuff to make it in the ring. All right. Well, Jesus Christ, man. Wow, you really know.

What do you like about Rick Flair? What's your favorite part about Rick Flair? Oh, my God. I wish I could be like him. And I mean, it's not it's I love that he loves wrestling so much that he neglected his family to do it, basically. Like, honestly, I mean, if you watch that that documentary about him, he talks about when he goes home to be a dad,

he would just like sit down and be like, when do I get to go back out on the road? Oh, I know what that's like. Yeah. And that's what I love the most. That's your favorite part. Yeah, dude, he's he's he's obsessed with what he does. He's obsessed to the point where they had to drag him out of there.

Like when he was an old man, but he loves it so much. Could you imagine not being able to do what you love because you age out of it? No, it's terrible. But didn't he didn't you tell because I don't I really don't know. But I mean, I, you know, I have a general understanding of how that world works. Didn't you tell me he was doing it all through the 50s?

I mean, he was in it when he probably shouldn't have been in it. And competing. Yeah, like taking bumps and shit. Like his I saw him in 2007, like do his retirement match, which he came back from like five separate times, but he's did his retirement match. And it was crazy to see an elderly man like get thrown off a fucking thing into a table and yeah, all this wild shit.

You're like, that's an old man that he's throwing through a table right now. Like, yeah, because how old is he at the time? I mean, now he's like 80 maybe. He's 80. He's up there, dude. He's 70 something. He Googled where I want to go. He just recently got super ill about a year ago.

He looks good. He's fucking up there. But I mean, that that was 2007. That was, you know, he was 50 something. And then he wrestled well, like five years beyond that. Yeah. So he was it well into his 60s. I feel like when people talk about wrestling,

they could be talking about musical theater to me. Yeah, you hate that too, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, what's worse? Let's talk it through. What's worse? Yeah, what would you not? I would rather get a colonoscopy than watch musical theater.

Oh, I hate musical theater. So do I. Like if you were like, let's go to Hamilton. I'd be like, can I have a colonoscopy? When we were on tour and we would do sound checks in these venues and then Allie would be with and she would be like, when I feel the launch start doing her singing. I was like, oh, my God.

She was like, this is my favorite thing in the world. It's a deal breaker. That's a that's a deal breaker. If it were me and I suddenly got into musical. Well, I would never go with you. I would never go with you. Yeah. What if I did that at sound checks where like you just

brought me on the road with you and I've been with you for like a couple of years and I'm like, can I do sound check? And you're like, sure. And I just go, if I were a rich man or something like that, like, oh, my God, I mean, I don't even know if you say Oklahoma. Where the God, do you like music musical theater? I mean, I know of musical theater productions. I don't I wouldn't say I like seek it out.

Yeah. Would you go to a show? I mean, if a girl was involved, probably. I wouldn't like willingly probably go. It wouldn't be my first choice. But I'd go and like pretend for a girl. You know what's kind of interesting? To think about what I hate more.

Which one? Because wrestling is I try to get people on board with the wrestling or spring scene. I hate I can get on board with that. Spring scene is the worst of everything. You think so? Oh, my God. Yeah.

I'm sitting here shirtless with tit cups and I'm going to tell you right now that that's less gay than spring steam. So well, I would hate the experience of spring steam. But I could drink to get through it. But musical theater, it feels so long because it's so lame. And then wrestling wrestling you couldn't drink at either. No, I could drink at wrestling. Yeah.

But it's people watching. It was more about the crowd. Is it fun to be at the event? It's the I I'm a fucking dirt ball. So the shittier the wrestling event, the better. You want like an amateur event. I go to one of those in a heart because it's like nickel beers and shit and you just get fucked up and just watch guys

like throw their bodies through a table in a fucking fire hall. Yeah. Like who's doing that? You know what I mean? Like who are those people? What's what I'm trying to think I'm adding to NASCAR to it because you also have a NASCAR guy. Yeah.

I'm a closet NASCAR guy. Yeah. So which do you like more? Out of the three terrible things. Well, spring steam I hate. So you can't. So if he's not in it for you, let's say. OK, yeah, yeah.

No, but which these are things you actually like. 01:44:53,200 --> 01:44:54,560 Which do you like more? Wrestling or NASCAR? NASCAR. You like it more? Yeah. OK.

Because it's like legitimate science and. Yeah, that's. I go NASCAR for aeronautics. Do you like other forms of motor sports? Yes. So do you watch Formula One? I wish I followed it better. I couldn't tell you names and stuff like that.

But if a race is on and I can catch it, I'll watch it for sure. So what other what other motor sports? I'll watch fucking drag races. I'll watch fucking. Yeah, NHRA stuff. I'll watch fucking dirt track racing. You will. Yeah.

And I don't know anything about cars, but I just like. You like races. Yeah. It's interesting. And I just like. Did you watch the Formula One Netflix series? I haven't. I've watched part of it.

I haven't watched the whole thing. I think that it's fantastic. It's so good. It's fantastic. It's so well done that it can make somebody. A fan of a fan of the sport who has never ever ever dreamt of watching that sport before. Yeah, that's how good that series is.

It's great. Yeah, it's just fun. They should do one for NASCAR to be quite honest. Yeah. It's the best propaganda you could have. Because it's not fucking Hicks running moonshine and shitty cars anymore. I mean, these things are fucking jets that they're flying.

And they're fucking MIT graduates on the other side of the wall doing wind tunnel testing and stuff like that. These guys are going 200 miles an hour. Yeah, yeah. And it's so much fun. Sure, the people in the crowd are like fucking Joe Exotic or whatever, but. Yeah, but it's a whole industry.

It's like, ugh. I mean, I just cannot get over that Netflix series, but when they cut to the camera mounted to the car, and these guys are turning at 180 on a. Like on a pin. It's fucking insane. I mean, it really blows my mind. And also, I watch these videos of car enthusiasts who got to drive

like a toned down, a detuned Formula One car. And they're like, this is like impossible to drive. The handling on it's got to be unbelievable. The brakes, the power, everything. Yeah. I mean, you have major G-Force pushing you back. They said the entire time. It's literally a wing of a jet that you're flying, essentially.

It's really on the ground. What if I was like, I need you to come see cats? No. Please. I really want to watch cats. Go call a friend. That might make you divorce. No, I don't want to see it.

Cats are Hamilton. You have to choose. Oh, my God. Or wicked. I would take out of those three, I would take wicked. I would, too, because I like witchcraft. It's at least Wizard of Oz. Witchy.

Would you rather it's gothy? Watch a musical like that or get stung by four murder hornets, which have now invaded the United States. Well, I'm not allergic to bees, so I'll take the murder hornet. They're supposed to be one of the most excruciating stings. Or I watch cats? Yeah. Fuck cats.

I'm taking the murder. Whoa. Am I at four? 01:47:45,920 --> 01:47:46,800 Cats is the worst. Cats is like. It's so dumb. I think after that first thing, you'll be like, cats, put on cats.

I don't know. Is there a murder? Okay. Enormous curve stingers. I do not like pain. They are uniquely dangerous. Will I get high from it? You might die.

Could you hallucinate? I don't know. I know that I saw a video of a guy voluntarily getting stung by one. What? Yeah, it's on YouTube. Dumb shit. Well, I got. I got stung by a regular bee over the summer.

That shit, wait. Oh, this is not even in the same. I don't like pain or needles. So it would it would suck actually come to think of it. But cats is so long. Yeah. It's like what's so fast. Do they sting me all at once or like do I have to wait?

But here's the deal, man. They all at once you pull out the stinger and it still throbs for days. Like it fucking hurts. Is it so much pain that I pass out? You might have four. I mean, one is supposed to be pretty normally. That's I think that's I'd rather pass out from excruciating pain than sit through a long cat. Angelical cat.

You're a real G, dude. I respect it. You know, yeah. Yeah. And Springsteen, go fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself. See, that's why we're friends. It is your home town.

I'm a blue color guy. Yeah. I was on my construction site. Working in the mines. Fucking rich piece of shit. Yeah. I'm just a regular guy. It's a Wednesday night and we're playing till midnight.

But I'm regular guy. Fuck you. You're not a regular guy anymore. People have work in the morning. Wrap it up, you fucking idiot. I know. How can he pretend that he's normal? Like I don't know.

How can people pretend that he's normal? That's what I don't understand. How can you buy into that horse shit? Yeah, that's like country musicians, too, that pretend to not be gazillionaires like Garth Brooks. Remember, he's like, I eat the olive garden. That's where he thinks people want to hear him eat at. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm just a regular guy. I'm just one of y'all. Such a weird racket. He's got a fucking compound. I know. He's so wealthy. I make my ticket prices affordable because I want everyone to be able to go.

I blow my bootstraps open. You piece of shit. How are you coping now with quarantine? I mean, I feel like someone's dead in my family, not doing stand-up. Do you feel like you're a former star? Every day. Yes. I really, like, I do.

Yeah. I don't even remember. I feel like I'm going to be, am I going to be that lady who panicked at the wedding when I got on stage? Is that going to be me when I walk out and say, could you imagine my first show back? I'm like. Hi.

I'm so scared. Dude, I have dreams that I forget my act. Last night I dreamt that we were doing a club together, Tom and I, and I had no clue what I was doing, and I had to go listen to my art. I've had dreams like that where you don't know what jokes next. Yeah. You get through one and you're like,

well, that bombed, and then you don't. But yeah, I haven't even had dreams about stand-up. I've had dreams where I open the curtain. I can't. Josh. Okay. I'm on stage when I come back. Tell a joke, man.

Okay, I'm going to do it. Okay. There's Josh Potter. Hold it together. It's great to be in sacrament. I have to like grab the wall. I'm so scared. I'm sweating.

I love you, Lana. Lana and Guy. Yeah. Guy is, and then she, I like how she gets really indignant. Like she's like, they're making a joke about it. And it's not a joke. It's real.

Yeah, because they're all having, they're hammered out of wedding receptions. 01:51:42,400 --> 01:51:44,400 You know who it is, Katara. Yeah, that's, I don't know. I mean, God, I would fucking do just about anything to do a set. Yeah. Okay.

Okay. Would you? Yeah, I would. Whatever you're about to fucking say. Okay. Would you? For the next year, just listen to me. You get to do stand-up again.

Yeah. However, the only time you listen to music, it's Bruce Springsteen. Fine. And I'll just, I'll say fucking, I'll just curse the skies. But you have to listen to an hour of Springsteen every day. Yeah, fine.

Before you get up on stage, you're getting pumped with Springsteen. You got to listen to him. It's fine. I don't care. You have to eat Nadav's turd. I'll do it. Dude, I would fucking eat Nadav's turd for,

I said I'd eat my own shit for $20,000 before. That's, I swear to God. I will take my fucking turd out of my body and do it right now. Yeah, first to get, if you just told me right now that like, it's over. Okay, how about this one? If you told me, me eating Nadav's turd means it's over.

You got all your dates back. Corona's done. I would do it right fucking now. What about? And enjoy it and smile and be like, I'm coming to Nashville. I'm coming, you know. That's how much.

Wow. Dude, I would do unspeakable things. That's not even close to- What do you miss the most about stand-up? I don't know. I can't even like, it's just doing, not doing it is making me feel really weird. Yeah.

I'm sitting here shirtless, putting thick cups on. Yeah, I was kidding. Just for an outlet. So I can get out of my house. Right, it was your thing. It was your outlet. Yeah, I think it was more than that. I mean, I, I've uprooted my life many a time for it.

Yeah, it's your thing. And it's gone completely. How about this? How about this? Yeah. You are one of these guys in this situation. Would you participate in this to do stand-up again? Without question.

You let Bert fuck you. Yeah. I would totally let Bert fuck me to get on stage again. What? Yes. And you'd air it on gain91.com? For sure. You can put it on gain92.com.

Jesus. A hundred, there's nothing- Wait a minute. That I wouldn't do. Why are you letting Bert fuck you for stage time? That isn't quite the sentence. I just, I would let Bert fuck me for stage time. That's all I'm saying.

Just if he let me open for him a couple times. Yeah. He could fuck me for that. You should go on the road with him. I just thought about it. How much more fun it would be for you. Like the way that he does it. I don't know that I would be if he would enjoy that.

Why? Don't you think I'm not as his speed? Well, I just think it would be like, you'd be like, you know, this is like, he really, you'd party a bunch. I would, but I wouldn't be able to keep up, I don't think. Yeah, but you could still chill. I would, I would be all right, but I don't, I don't know if I'd party enough for him. Yeah, you're not like-

Right. Yeah, and then we'll go have a party. I will hang. I will be there doing the stuff. Right. But I'm not really like, ah, but maybe he likes that. I don't know. I think he likes just a company.

You're easy to be around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'll do all the drugs and stuff. Is there stuff you wouldn't do? I'm trying to figure out what you- For a stage time? Just like, what's the boundary? Yeah.

It's not about stage time. It's about just doing it again. Is there, is there a boundary for you? Yeah, what would you not do? I mean, I don't know. You need your own caca for $20,000. Yeah, I mean, that's nothing. That's pretty bad.

Is that bad? Would you do gay porn? You said you would do gay porn to get on stage. If you meant, if it meant that this was over, I would do it. You would suck five dicks and we'd break your jaw to cure coronavirus. Sorry, it was four. It was four, yeah. The fifth one was maybe if the four brothers' father came in.

Yeah. But that would be for fun. It wouldn't be for the cure. It's only four dicks for the cure. I mean, come on. How do you fuck up this scenario? You can't even remember? Jesus.

It's only the most important scenario. Okay, you're the one that's going to cure coronavirus. But you have to eat poutine and all of us- It would be hard, but I'd give it my best shot. No, but listen. It's all of us making the poutine. It's Tom's secret. It would be so brutal.

It's Nadav who lives off of Wingstop. It's Chris who eats vegan Indian food. Tofu Pepsi. You're not going to- I mean, the more gross you make it doesn't change the fact that I'm willing to do. You know what I mean? You're still going to do it? He's unbreakable.

Yeah, there's really- Star, stop. You can't get him to stop. There's nothing. I would do bad things. You would eat poutine of all of us to stop the coronavirus. That's not even on my radar is bad, by the way. Talk to your mom three times a day.

And they're meaningful. And you have to entertain the stories and her questions. And each call, you have to help her with one tech thing. Oh my god, dude. To get on stage, I would fucking do it, but I would be changed. I would be a different person. I would be very angry. Every call, she's like,

there's- how do I get my email to sync from the phone to my laptop? 01:56:55,120 --> 01:56:57,120 It's the worst. It's the worst. Making me sweat. What's new? And she's like, what? For iTunes, if I want the song to go from the phone to the speakers,

can you tell me how to connect them? Oh god. And then every time you go, you're like, just she goes, you're not helping, you're not helping. Dude, don't do this. Just make it stop. Please don't talk about that. We found it.

We found the damn stories. I would put up with it, but I would fucking, you would see a different me. I would be different. It would affect your performance. It might not, you know, it could be the old catch 22. Like if I did take that, the devil's deal, and do that, it might ruin my stand.

And she actually, she keeps asking you some irrational things. Like, can Alexa get the mail from the mail? What? You have to entertain everybody. You can't scream at her. You got to be like, no, Alexa can't get the mail. What if I'm accidentally sarcastic? It's ruined.

The whole thing's ruined. Okay. What about this? I just don't know if I could pop. Just Josh, hear me out. You cure coronavirus. You get to tour. Everything is back to normal.

Yeah. But it's not just you talk to her three days, three times a day. You live with your mom. She's moved in an LA. You get to sharing space. You get to do all the spots you want to do. I'll kill myself.

You do. You're on the road. You get to do shows, but she travels with you. Oh my God. She's your job. And at the very end of every show, you guys do one duet together. A duet?

I'll fucking kill me, dude. I'm not doing that. I would rather die. I'd rather just give me heroin and I'll end it. How about this? But you get to do it. But I got a better one for you. Yeah.

So she comes on the road with you, but she doesn't travel with you. Okay. But she stays in the neighboring hotel rooms. You guys are always. And she goes, let's do like code knocks. So you guys, wait, wait. You don't have to like take her to dinner and everything.

Okay. But once a day, you hear her masturbate through the wall. And you have to hear it. You can't cover your ears. Listen, it's not about the masturbation. You had me lost that like she's on the road. The masturbation is ancillary. Well, okay.

Yeah, she's on the road with you. And every time you get off stage, she's in your green room when you get off. She's like, great job, Joshy. And she gives you that encouragement. And then she takes notes during her act. She's like, you know what I like. And she goes, they didn't like this one.

Yeah. And she tells you. I would be, oh my God. I would be like, why does God hate me so fucking much that he first, he takes stand up away with the virus. And then he gives it back, but he curses me with my mother being here. Like, why does God hate me?

Yeah. I would say that a lot. And then I would be like, what's the worst? Like I would, I would ask myself what's worse or what's the worst of the two evils? And I'd probably end up deciding to kill myself. What if she did your punchlines? Oh my God.

So you do the set ups. Oh no. And then she pops off stage. I couldn't even, here's the. Hello. Well, here's the thing. I couldn't even imagine my mother who has seen my stand up not like retaining it enough to do that.

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Well, she does it with no. Most of the time it's like, oh, that was, that was something else. Something else. Yeah. Yeah. Or what if just, okay, you live together.

She doesn't come with you on the road, but she just cooks you breakfast and she's really involved in your life and you got to sit down and you got to tell her about the girls you're dating and like your career concerns and you need to take her advice. You got to listen to her advice. So like, imagine she's your mom. That's what you basically said. Right.

But wait, what would her notes be like if she was giving you notes? Oh my God. About women? For stand up. For stand up? Oh my God. Well, she's given me some notes in the past. She goes, you should email Ellen.

Oh yeah, my mom said that to me too. Why don't you email Ellen, write her a letter, tell her you would like to be on her show. Ellen's not even nice to her camera people. She's going to fucking respond to my email. I would like to appear on your program. Yeah. Yeah.

I think, yeah, she'd write. Like it's like something you could just do. Of course. It's ridiculous. But now until all this. You're going to LA, maybe Howie Mandel will see you perform. That's what she said to me. Where?

Where? Yeah, exactly. So wait a minute. Until we get to the point where you can hopefully eat some shit or get fucked so that quarantine ends. Yeah. God, I hope so. You're doing your sex work.

Can you, let's remind the audience where they can. Oh yes, it's on my cameo, cameo.com slash josh underscore Potter. I'm also on Twitch not doing sex work, just playing video games. But get those cameos, man. And now you got Tick Cups and we could be somewhere special soon. Yeah, between the cameos and the Twitch, they're helping me out. But it doesn't feel the same. You know what I mean?

Of course. Sex work takes a piece of you each time you do it. You know. Well, look, I'm a big fan of your sex work. And I hope that it keeps popping during this time. I hope I can do comedy again. So I can retire. You will.

Thanks for stopping in, Josh. No problem. Thanks, Josh. Thanks for the Tick Cups. Got it. It was great to revisit there with Josh. And I love the scenario of him living and traveling with his mother. I think that'd be a really fun reality show.

I was wondering, is it everybody that hates being around their mother as an adult? Is that just what happens? I think a lot of people. Yeah, I mean, do you want to spend a lot of time with your mother? I don't want to spend a lot of time with anyone I'm related to. That's true. What about you, Chris? Chris is normal, Chris.

Yeah, I'm the weird one. I like spending time with my mom. See, that's what I'm dreaming. Mom, can you bring me a Pepsi? Shut up. I hope our boys want to hang out with me, or think they're going to be super annoyed. They just love their mommy right now.

I know they do. I think about it that, like, I'll whatever, see the boys and they'll be men. I'm like, hey, guys. And they'll be like, oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, dad, that was great. No, it was fun to watch you say bikes again. So. They'll love their mommy.

I hope so. I love them so much, kids. I hope we have little Chris's. I know. Why do I raise a Chris? I don't know. Not a Josh. That's for sure.

Guy pumping tit cups on a podcast. Doing shoulder porn. The internet. I know. Where did your parents go wrong, Josh? Or right. Or right, exactly. For us, that is.

All right, so before we go, we have to. Can you take gain91.com down? It's going to be replaced in a moment, OK? It's going to be replaced in a moment. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Don't make me angry. Let's take a look at what you have curated lately.

Yeah, you bitches are looking for me. So exciting. So tic-tac is a flame in this quarantine. There have been so many new genres that have come about recently. So let's go ahead and see what we got. All right. Here is a clip one from the curation.

What's up? Yeah, I'm just making this video because I got my feet in there today. And everybody says I have cute feet. So I think my feet is pretty cute. Oh, like I want to get like a little toe ring, a little ankle bracelet because I love my feet. My feet is so.

What do you think is her feet cute? First of all, grammatically. Eileen correct. Eileen correct. I think my feet is cute. I mean, they're kind of cute. But what's up with the long nails? Right.

That's what I was thinking. Who does? Why is that ever a thing? It's so disgusting. Sometimes you're out and you look down and you're like, the fuck? You have a long. And they're done to be long.

Like they told the nail tech, well, just make sure they're real long. The toenails are long, which A, you don't fit into your shoes. If you're wearing sneakers, forget it. And then those look like they would just catch on to everything. And you know what I mean?

Like if she put a sock on it would tear through it. Yeah. Because that's why you cut your toenails because they start to like make your shoes uncomfortable. We're like, oh, I think my toenail is too long. Right. You know? But she was like, hey, paint them and like edge them out.

But keep them real long. And square, which is so bizarre to me. I also feel like with the length of the nail that the underside would just be just always collecting dirt. Dirt. It's completely unhygienic. Do people like long toenails? Will you let us know if you're a big long toenail fan?

If you're like, well, I like not just cute feet, but I like when the nails are extra long. Yeah, if it's your thing. I want to know that that's, I always thought it would be just like cute feet, cute nails. Right. Like the nails are. It's definitely unhygienic.

It's disgusting. And I don't think it's right. I don't think long toenails are a good idea. I have a feeling that she's going to make a video just for you. Have at it. All right. Follow my stories on the grumb. That's where I post these.

I got cute feet. All right. This is another talk. I have that tattoo. Okay. Hear me out. I have a really crazy concept. Why don't we use this app to lift each other up and inspire each other

and not just bring each other down and point out flaws and say what we don't like about each other? Well, I could start with one for you. Just an idea. Actually, too. What? What are you thinking? What's going on?

I mean, all right. Look, I don't want to bully somebody, but I will. Is it that crazy that like, is this like these, you know, I don't shave my armpits. Yes. I don't shave my legs. And if you don't like, okay. But I mean, would it be that nuts for her to address

her absolutely insane eyebrows? I mean, would it really be? Is it that much of a burden? Okay. Hear me out. I have a really crazy. I mean, wouldn't that make her life just way easier? That's the thing is that she's doing it,

I think to be contrary versus just like, just make it. Yeah. Just, just blend in. Just fit in. It's, and then, but what bothers me is like. You have a 60 year old cab drivers eyebrows. I mean, Groucho works. I know.

I mean, they're crazy. They're crazy. And she's like, why do you guys keep pointing it out? Because they look insane. Yeah. But that's what bothers me the most. Like, okay, if you choose to grow your eyebrows out, just know that it's not in the norm.

So people are going to say crazy stuff to you. And that's part of the deal. Right, right. Of not, of not assimilating. But when they get indignant, like, why can't I just do it? Because you can't, there's rules. Why is everybody pointing out my eyebrows? You know why.

Yeah. You're doing it. You know why. Yeah. You know why. And the same reason people are now going to start saying, why are your toenails so long? Yeah.

You know why. You fucking know why people are pointing it out. I know it's that. I really shouldn't have to be saying this. Look at these fucking eyebrows. But whenever you know your sexuality or gender identity is perfectly fine. Some people know at a young age,

other people discover it later. Both are natural, normal, and okay. Thank you. Thank you. Oh. So, wait, did dolphins replace her eyebrows? What are those, pterodactyls? If you're listening, her eyebrow hairs are gone

and there's tattoos above her eyes. What looks like, it looks like there's dolphins dive like doing flips in the ocean. And also, does she have the insertions? Like, you know, when people insert meat or something, they look like they're protruding really much more than it and they would in a natural way, right? Yeah, there's a lot going on.

Can you see on your screen? You know, what I think is possibly happening is that she just shaved her eyebrows off. Like the tattoo's been there for a while, but she just shaved her eyebrows off and those are tan lines. Oh. Can you see what the tattoo is of? I can't tell.

Like, can you look at it closely? It does look like jumping dolphins, definitely. And like, or a chain link. God. I don't think it looks like an animal. It looks like maybe like an Aztec symbol or something. Like, it looks like, like, it doesn't look like- It looks good, is what you're saying.

It doesn't look like anything I recognize. Well, and also, like, she's the authority on lesbianism. I hate when they're like, do I have to say it again? Boy. I'm the authority on gay stuff. Well, I hope you- Here we are.

I mean, her whole thing should be like, why do people keep talking about my eyebrows? Because you did this. You did this to them. And if anybody gives me a negative comment on my eyebrows again, like, bitch, you know what you're doing. Hey, so there's something I want to talk about relatively quickly.

Before I dive into a bunch of videos in education. So I am non-binary. Right? But I am also transmask. What that means for me is that I'm not a trans man. I am not a man. But my identity is centered around a masculine set of traits. I love my beard.

I love having a flat chest. And I really like being perceived as somebody who's masculine. But I'm not a man. And I'm not a woman. So I'm a non-binary. And that's how I perceive and feel my gender identity. I have been using testosterone to medically transition for about five years at a lower dose. And that's what's made my body into the way that it's supposed to be today.

There are so many other non-binary identities, and I can't wait to share them all with you. Go ahead and try to figure out that algebra. Let's see what else is up there. It's so complicated. She's, hold on. She likes having masculine traits, but she's not a man. And she is taking testosterone, but she is not a man.

She does not identify as a man, Tom. Something's haemorrhaging in my head right now. Did your dad brain just explode? I mean, this is good. It's good. What are you, are you phobic? Are you non-masculine, trans, binary phobic?

It's just the fact. Hey, Dunkin Donuts doesn't hire them. We need to start a thing. Dunkin. They don't like her. Persecuting these people. What if she was holding a cub and she's like, and to make things worse, Dunkin Donuts didn't give me my word?

Then I'd be a big fan. I'd be like, yeah. I'm gonna show you my leg. Holy, just like this other leg. They don't have to hold a knife right, you are. I'm gonna fucking throw up. What's going on? The talk for the listeners.

You can't see. Babe. Can I skip this one? No, you go. It's loud. You can't really hear what's going on. And there's a fucking huge infection in a hoarder's van. Can I please skip this one?

I'm fucking gonna be sick. Yeah. Yeah. Why did you pull this? Because I knew this would upset you so much. Because I knew all that would really upset you. Yeah, you can't see it because it's on the other side. I'm gonna scrape it down.

Be breathed it and everything right now. I can't. Drew said that she'll probably have to get those legs amputated. Cool, cool. I'll watch that video, but this one's a little too much for me. Chicken. What are you? Going for the jugular.

He's going to get you. Going for the jugular. He's going to get you. Going for the jugular. It's one of those cool pet snakes. It's hanging out. You don't have a pet python at home? It looks vicious.

I don't know what it is, but it looks. Yeah, it's wrapped around her neck. Going after the jugular. I'm sorry I said if I was black you can't see me. I didn't know that was racist, so please forgive me and leave me alone. I knew you liked that one. Yeah, that's good. I'm sorry that was racist.

I know you like the confrontational ones where people are like, I know I said the n-word, but why can't I come? Okay. Please don't make fun of my videos. I am on here trying to make friends and have fun. People need to realize that I am disabled. I'm just looking for some TikTok friends and to have some fun.

Have a great evening. Going to the store. Bye. She's disabled, Tom. You're such an asshole. You are such- Stop making fun of her. She's just looking for friends at SexyCats2020.

Stop making fun of my video. Jesus, babe. I like her haircut. That's the haircut you gave our son two weeks ago. At SexyCats2020. That's what Ellis looks like right now. Jacked our baby. That's all.

Everybody's quarantine haircut with their kids. That's cool haircut. It's like Ian Edwards says. It's like they all have the same haircut. Yeah, they sure do. They all have the same barber. Yep, kids do. All right.

Everyone on TikTok needs to quick call me a male. I was born and raised a female. How's everybody doing today? I live in Omaha, Nebraska, and the weather's been excellent today. All right. How's the weather where you are? Bye.

I mean, it is an odd non-sequitur. Like stop saying that I'm a male, I'm a female. How's the weather where you live? It's a very weird transition there. Yeah. I'm just saying her eyebrows are fun too. God damn it, dude. Hey, TikTok users, I just fell,

and I had the fire department come out and help me. God, I hate being fat. My life sucks. No friends, nothing. It's an uplifting one. I'm trying to find one to go out on. Well, he's fat. See, he's super fat and he fell down.

I got it. I put it together. I'm not confused. I'm enjoying these. I don't know why I want to. Hey, guys, quick reminder. I love you so much, and also, you love you so much. You love you so much.

There's a little you inside of you that deeply loves you. Make friends with that person, and it's going to make your life better. Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm going to puke for a whole other reason on this one. This guy, I actually just like him more than all the videos. I know. That's why I put it there.

I know. I know what you like, and I know what enrages you. Well, I'd rather not talk about it. Hey, I used to change your diapers. Talk. Sometimes I just don't feel fresh. Even after a shower. Sounds like it's time for Massingill.

Massingill? The only douche with effectol. I use it. Massingill with effectol washes away odor in seconds, for confidence that lasts. I want you to have all the confidence in the world. It's very small. Massingill, trusted by more women than any other brands.

I mean, how? I like the voice effect. Yeah, it's fucking amazing. It's great. It's this account, Cult of Stinkor, and what they do is they slow down 80s commercials, like Count Can and Massingill, and like my buddy, and it's all slowed down,

and it's so terrifying and funny. Yeah, that was pretty great. So there you go. I thought that was pretty funny. That was pretty great. Should we end on that one? No, please. Just let me enjoy.

I take so much care in curating. I mean, you want to cure coronavirus? Shut your fucking TV off. Don't listen to the fucking mass media, because they're liars, and do your own research. Okay. There is a cure, and it ain't Bill Gates's little vaccine. Open the businesses on your own.

Not that one. That's not positive. But I mean, that was really articulate and well thought out. It's a good argument. 02:17:30,800 --> 02:17:32,960 I mean, that's a strong case. And he's driving and videoing himself. We should send him Tripoli's info.

I know. I'm not done with his little vaccine. Go, and just go figure it out. All right. Y'all need to stand up and say, no, this is not the new normal. We're not going to do what Bill Gates wants. We want our country back, our freedom, and don't need it.

Gates. Don't need no damn mask. That's all bullshit made up by the media. Look it up. Look it up. Who do we look it up with? The media. Look it up.

In order to understand how to beat the draconians and the dark forces, you need to understand that we are in a silent frequency war. So this is a war that is not fought with guns and bombs. This is a war of frequency. Pay attention. You want to see what's going on? The dark forces are aiming to suppress consciousness

and keep our over. OK. How we beat draconians slash reptilians. If you don't know, now you know. Yeah, she's all kinds of crazy. I got that. No, she's fine. Don't have to scream at top of my voice.

Don't like it now on TikTok. But I'm fucking here. Wow, on TikTok. She's fucking here. OK. Why don't you know that? I mean, I just feel real uncomfortable. OK, let's pick a fun one to go out on.

I've shit my pants. I've pissed my pants. I've had diarrhea in my pants. There's nothing else to say. Nothing else to say. One more. Can you say that that's the whole talk? Yeah.

The little tail on your eyebrow. The little tail guy. Shave it off. Shave it off right now. Get rid of it. Take it off. Do it. Do it.

Do it. Do it right now. Shave it off. Take it off. Do it. I swear to God, just take it off. I promise you just see the little dude, the little tail. Shave it off.

Take it off. Get rid of it. Enough. So this is a new disturbing trend on the talk where girls are now shaving half their eyebrows off. It's true. It's a thing. Yeah, it's tough.

It's a tough one to watch. That's yeah. It's not good. All right, we're almost at the end now. Might as well finish your. Especially because I don't always grow back. Gosh, I learned that lesson the hard way in the 90s. Oh my God.

My overcoat. Hey, Tata, do you love spinach? I think I do like spinach. I love spinach. I don't like that one at all. I'm not into that. Let's see if you can round the fucking third here or not. I don't even know why I have a tinder.

Anytime somebody matches with me, it's like yeah, they're probably reporting. It's pretty good. That was pretty good. That was a good one. This dude, Jesus Christ, that face. Yeah. If you're listening, you got to look this up.

Yikes. Oh yeah. His TikTok handle is Face Tat life. So. It's kind of your whole life when you got those. That is. That's a real deep in the game. Modified the nose to the chin, the ears.

Yeah, he's really. It's a ton. Native. The trauma. Oh, where's that clip that we showed Dr. Dree yesterday with the girl who showed us how she brushes her teeth? I think that might be one of the first ones in batch two, if you look at that.

Do you mind? I would really like for you to see that one. Sure. I'm really, I've really thought, no, not that one. I would like to apologize for grouping Furry's littles and masochists in the same sentence. Maybe in batch one? I certainly don't view age regression as kink,

and I don't even really consider being a furry at kink. So is it DIY dentures? No. No. Is it Accident Bangs, Spectereal, Begenosis? No. No. Oh, it's, if you go in batch two, it's O3.

Do what I want. Okay. This is it. We're closing on this. No. Okay. All right. Um, because I want to, because it's my life,

because I can do what I want. And then the toothbrush one? That's just what's there. Well, it's, they're like, what? That's the only one. Hold on. Oh, you got to see this one. I think this one's going to blow your mind up.

Okay. Because she's got a plug in her lip that prevents her from talking really. This lady does? Yeah. And like, it's pretty severe to the point where it's, it's hindering her ability to talk or play. Um, because I want to, because it's my life,

because I can do what I want. Yeah, I see that. Yeah. Is there one like above it native? You got to see her brush her teeth. It's fucking insane. Do you know what it's called? Oh, there it is.

It's right there. Okay. So guys, since everyone wants to know, this is how I brush my teeth and I'm on. Got my wooden vegan toothbrush and my vegan toothpaste. Give it a wet and just like this now. What happened? Why don't you describe it?

Describe it. We got to go, man. We got to go. You got my wooden vegan toothbrush. She can't even talk. The plug is so extreme in her bottom lip. She's brushing her teeth through the hole left from her enormous plug. She puts the brush in through the front of her face

in a manufactured hole. And then goes in. All right, that was. I love it. It kept me in a good mood for a long time. This whole tick folder has really upset the rhythm of my day. That's the point.

Thank you for your work. By the way, I do love your wig. It's beautiful. Thank you. You look great. Our closing song is DJ Tick Tock. It's called DJ Tick Tock Tiss Pigs Balls and Cock. Cool.

All right. Thank you guys for listening. I'm glad we made up Nadav. I appreciate your apology. Yeah, I just hope I could keep this train going. Yeah. All right, we'll see you guys next week. Tick.

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