Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 552 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: May 20, 2020

What’s up, Protomanics! Another YMH is here and Scott Baio tells us about balls. Some sexual education memories from 8th grade sparks a call to Top Dog and Charro. After Norman Summerton rocked our worlds, we discover a new video from him AND a new FedSmoker video. There’s an earth shattering revelation on “90 Day Fiancé (Before The 90 Days.)” Tom addresses the Professional Wrestling community, Jessica Kirson joins us by phone to check in from NYC. Plus. TIKTOKS! Then we look at some fan artwork and comments, and we introduce a new contest for all the mommies to participate in.

What's up Proto maniacs? It's another episode of your mom's house. I hope all your chomos had a great week We got a really big episode today There's so much to get into there's really a lot to talk about a lot to show you Nobody does a better job of Going all over the worldwide web and finding the most premium content to share With a large listening and viewing fan base. We're so proud of the work we do here We know that it enhances your life as well as our own well and that you know the mainstream media They cover certain stories, but we cover the real stories. We cover the real news stories and the margins

They the topics people don't normally explore and without bias You're not going to see what the real story on CNN or Fox News. You got to dig deeper. Thankfully we dig for you Anderson Cooper doesn't eat poutine The way we do no you can tell he doesn't have any carbs in his life. No now I Think I should just probably get into this show. I'm really excited about this. Wait. Wait. I Just wanted to because I know last time what's it felt like kind of like weird vibes, and I felt like Like you were looking something for me, and I didn't know how to give it to you

Mm-hmm, and so I think I'm ready to give you what you wanted last week, and I wrote I wrote something for you Okay What is going on with you two? Think we're trying to work it out. I don't know what you're talking like what you wrote I wrote a poem. Okay, and it's it's called sorry Tom. I appreciate that. I'd like to hear it I I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry a million times. I am sorry Lociento slieher

Bowchia Segna me shy no long My cheeks run wet with tears from my eye My master is upset, and I don't know why is it something I did is it something I said Daily shame embarrassment self-loathing and dread Sorry, sorry, sorry afraid afraid afraid afraid to be sorry Sorry to be afraid Wake up to panic

fear is my breakfast Then for lunch I screw up a segment After some thought it all becomes clear I'm a dumb fucking idiot who fucks up all year. I Prep the wrong drops and won't eat out my mom Those are just two things that I do very wrong It's not your fault that you wish I would die I'm just an outside dog who keeps shitting inside

I'm all out of words Nothing else to do Except apologize for being an imbecile mouth-breathing Jew I'm sorry. Mr. Tom. I'll do better. Oh I like that. Yeah. Yeah, that was good So we're good I feel way better. Oh my god, that is a weight off my shoulders. I'm okay. That makes you feel better Tom Why wouldn't that make me feel better? I mean the poor guy almost cried during that that makes you feel better That's the best part I

Was just trying to be genuine and authentic. Yeah, I love that Love that. He did you said sorry in Hungarian? I even picked up that. I mean he researched different languages to say so I would like here's what I would like That so hit me the right way if you could Print that on some nice You know thick paper like cardboard kind of paper. Mm-hmm and we'll frame that like stationary. Yeah, let's frame. Okay What is going on on this show? I like that a lot. So I'm glad you liked it, Mr. Tom I absolutely I appreciate you

Recognizing your many flaws. Yeah, and how it can affect other people. Mm-hmm, and You know, I think I you're well, I'm saying you're welcome. No, and I'm saying thank you Yeah, cuz I was just like walking in every day like Just a normal day or yeah, but like everything's my fault and I I didn't realize that until last week So I want to say thank you for opening my eyes to that. You're welcome You're an outside dog That shits inside. Is that the wording you use? Mm-hmm. Yeah, but he I'm an outside dog Who keeps who keeps shitting inside? I really like that. I like those words. I think what I maybe would have

Gone from there is thank you for kicking me so that I know where to go shit now, right? You know something like that, right? Right, right, maybe it next time. Thanks for sure. Are we gonna ask for a revision? No, no No, I'm just saying thanks for shoving my face in it. I know not to do spanking me Are you supposed to do that to a dog? No, it's it's really healthy. Yeah That feels like that's the old-school way. It's not right. I mean, I think that's how they learn. I mean it worked for me Yeah Did work for you. God. I feel good now. Wow

I Feel really good. You gotta talk to your therapist about this one. Why baby. That was really It's really good something else. I mean you think that was well-written. Yeah, I mean, but he's scared You're you wanting the dog to be scared the dog do bad again. No, you did great. Oh my god You did great. What is happening? You did great. Okay proud of you. Oh, oh wow that feel that actually feels really good. Yeah Oh man, I'm gonna chase that feeling All right, let's now let's get in the show. Okay, here we go What you're watching is a video called the facts feelings and wonder of life my testicles would bother me

I mean, it's like one would hurt and There would just be fine now for those of you not familiar with the term testicle I think we should explain that the testicles are those two round balls Who is Randy don't bring anyone loving to this Yeah That really lifted your spirits Tom Yeah, and the dogs poem. It was beautiful. It was really good. It was really well-written. It was the right thing to do I'm glad we're we have it but in our past now

How great is this thing how great is this clip? Yeah, this was a talk I found and I immediately showed it to you because I was so inspired testicles are those two round balls And everybody knows the balls hold the P P Yes, P is stored in the walls. That's right. That's true. We were well-known We were talking about what if what if dr. Fauci was giving a speech and he's like, oh, it would be so great Fauci on like he's been doing all these press requests. Yeah zoom in and then just have him talk all about Corona and be like real quick before you go sir. Yeah, what's that?

Is P stored in the balls? What? No, but if Fauci was like we've been doing extensive research We've been working night tirelessly day and night and we've discovered that yes P is in fact stored in the balls And you're like what you're not you're not working on the virus virus doesn't matter Doesn't matter Anatomically we were always we were convinced Seaman was produced in the testicles and that it is not it's solely for your urine storage. What about the virus?

Vaccine doesn't matter doesn't matter reach them and feel all that P in your balls But how great where are the 80s when they just had stuff like this and I really think they should bring this kind of blatant Discussion back. Did you ever see the YouTube? Australian like morning show not from the 80s from like three years ago where the guy just comes out naked and the doctors just like Yeah, yeah, it's like what why not though? Yeah, I mean this is how I learned sex ed and I think the people are dumb And I think they need to be reeducated this way. This was better. Yeah, what young women will notice They'll notice some widening of the hips and in addition to that later on the young woman will know the

Pubic hair a special new kind of hair. Look at his look on a tree genital area Yeah, I remember in in grammar school when I was in eighth grade I had a friend of mine who had a hairy pussy full beard, you know, it was kind of strange for me and Okay. Yeah in eighth grade you were getting late a friend of mine. Yeah had a full beard was your friend older than you? Oh, yeah, he was he was 23, okay, but especially An eighth grade Scott Baio wasn't he like super famous already and he might have been crushing puss like this kid this guy never You know, he got his first heart on it and someone said on it. Yeah, there was no lag time Yeah, he has never struggled. No in that department

Wasn't he on one of those reality shows? Yeah, we watched it. It was years ago. It was like Scott Baio grows up or something Yeah, and he's like I'm tired of all this pussy. Yeah Yeah, and he wanted a family and all that or the woman did wait I love do you remember this kind of shit though and great course. Yeah, it was so embarrassing Wait, I always had like these real corny Graphics and music so great and how come that kid felt I'm always surprised that one kid that doesn't know how fucking uncool it is to be like I noticed that one of my balls Hearts. Yeah, don't say that shit. Like why don't you know that you will get beaten up for saying you're embarrassing everyone?

Yeah, shut up. Even if you have a real question Yeah, don't say it you don't ask it right in public. Are you kidding me? I'm Scott Baio asking you to please take good care of yourself and have a great life That's how you sign off It's a good sign off though Have a great life That's the at the end of a show what have a great life. I noticed it my balls hurt Hi guys, welcome to sex ed. You might notice that your body's changing and you're feeling different

Maybe you wake up and your dicks rock hard Or you're sitting in a pool of sticky milk. It's okay. It's natural You want to stand out in school? All right, you want to stand out you got to go varsity start fingering girls by the lockers and If you get a chance to hook up eat her ass no one's doing that in middle school But why do they always first of all it was always like the gym teacher that taught you about your body like little short shorts Well with mine it was Mrs. Spangler who was she hot. No, she's a big old dyke old Dried up dyke like she hadn't had her period in 20 years and she taught us about the belt This is in like night late 80s or E.T.W. And she's like you can use a hygienic belt which was like

Not no one use that anymore. Go ahead and Google it. It's like sanitary napkin belt belt Testicles are those two round balls. No, it's like a sanitary napkin belt and you could clip this This is before they had glue on the bottom of maxi pads. Oh, it was so dumb like no, no, no That's it. That's it. Yeah, and they're like you can clip your pads to that I'm like, I'm pretty sure we don't need those anymore. Oh my god I know they did it not in the 80s, but this is what they taught us we could use So wait, she was hot though super hot and then I remember her chastising us cuz women girls are pigs You know, yeah, and she was like you have to keep the pad in the wrapper

That's why it's called a sanitary napkin if it gets dirty Get dirt on your vagina I was like, oh, this is horrible the way you did that. I hated it. So I hated it But don't you wish somebody appealing would have taught you sex ed? Yeah, like somebody just who looked like they had their life together It's great, I'm afraid to know I'm so afraid. I don't know first of all First I did a thing where You were supposed to take notes during the sex ed and you could even do depictions and for

For the we got limited penis and testicles. I drew like a Huge Digging balls and I just remember the teacher walking over looking at my paper Just going like that. I can pass me But then I got I went home and I totally fooled my mom I go, oh, I just wanted to tell you something in sex ed today and she goes what I Said the the teacher I don't know it's kind of strange

But we were talking about sex ed and then he pulled out his penis and his testicles and she goes what? I go. Yeah, he was just like showing us Parts, but I just don't know if that was wrong to do and she was like he pulled him out I was like, yeah, he showed us like the testicles. This is the penis and then when you could you imagine like And I kept it going for a while and she was like we have to call your father We have to call the school. Why she goes because You want to call her to see if she remembers yeah, let's call her I Remember this that would be so awesome if some dude did that you'd be like whoa, oh, dude

I'd be like, you know what the fucking craziest shit was today my teacher jacked off in front of us. I Had nuns teaching us sex ed in 10th grade by the time I was in 10th grade They taught girls sex ed at this all girls Catholic school I went to and it was too late by then we were all horse everybody was already fucking and And having a nun tell you about sex was so dumb I remember one time a girl there's a question box and she asked what happens What's blue balls and this nun was like, oh a man gets cold and his balls turn blue. What that's how stupid they were It's a miracle. I wasn't pregnant in high school

Worst, I mean thank God my mother taught me about birth control otherwise Yeah Sex that's terrible. It's terrible in the US. They don't do a good job at all. Not at all sex weird. Yeah, it's stupid Making embarrassing and stuff Not like this show Wouldn't you love the Scott Bayo sex ed thing? I was like, let's watch every episode God, why is she the worst? She never ever ever fucking phone. I've got pubes. Will you look at my pubes Scott Bayo?

I thought he was gonna be like, I remember when I was in eighth grade. I was hooking up with this chicken. Hey, is mom with you? Can she stop for a second Why she's in the middle of a bridge game online live Okay, she can't pause I wanted to see if she remembered when I was in eighth grade and I told her that my teacher pulled his penis and testicles out during sex ed She's in the middle of playing bridge He would fumble that can you ask her if she remembers that

Oh No, no the teacher ask her if she remembers when I told her that my teacher pulled his penis and testicles out in eighth grade in sex ed Okay Chateau do you remember when I was in eighth grade and I came home and I told you my teacher During sex ed pulled out his penis and his testicles in class Yes, and what did you say? You thought oh, yeah, you but you believed me Yeah, cuz I told you that he told us like this is the penis these are the testicles

It was a lie, yeah, it was a lie Mom I told you later that same day when I saw that you were gonna make a phone call. Yes, of course Yeah, otherwise, we would have called we wouldn't have been like well go back to school tomorrow to see what he does today It's great, it's great. I gotta run though. I gotta run. I'm recording. All right, I told my dad's all excited Lotus lent me a car for a few days. Yes, they did so I get to drive an Evora GT Thank you Lotus. It's really fun. We drove here in it. We did and you made very fast drivings that scared the shit out of me But I didn't very quiet No, you didn't go fast. You want the speed limit? Yeah, and it's quite a car. It's really fun. Wow. It's really cool

If you really enjoy a true sports car experience That Lotus is it's really fun load of the ground You know you get that like that it has like almost like go-kart feel to it. I love that you did Such a boner when that thing showed up yesterday. Yeah Man Well, I'm so glad that your mom is back to bridge

I know that since the release of the fart video. She was afraid to show her face in that community. Yeah Yeah, yeah, she's back. She's but well now she's playing online. So maybe she's not back. Okay. Yeah Where's that folder the one you tell me what what is it in is it in 552 five? What is it in yeah 552? Oh, okay, and there's gonna be a folder called stolen And this has This is an update Yes, okay, what was it? It's just another person chiming in. Oh, hey mommy's You're talking to a retired double agent here and I got to put in my two cents on this whole stolen valor thing

You see Christine and I we worked on a lot of the same CIA black sites together around the Horn of Africa Remember this guy. Yeah, we did one night. We were gonna go on a little smash and grab and silly me I misplaced some shape charges Well, luckily the seeker Christina P. Herself. She found him for us. We went on that raid We blew a hole in some other fuckers door Captured him torture the shit out of him all thanks to the seeker. Thank you. That was a fun mission I was there. I was in that part of the world. Yeah Yeah

I remember my suitcase But my luggage was delayed from the airline and I had to wear the same velour jumpsuit in in Africa for three or four days. You've done so much for the United States military and I just For all Americans when I say thank you. You're welcome. Yeah, that's what I do. It's all I know Yeah, go ahead. I was going to give a another update since we're on the update a topic of tick hubs. Oh, yeah Yeah, so we really appreciated Josh Potter giving it a great attempt at those Amazon tick hubs that I purchased Yeah, I don't think they're good enough. Well, we went we let's be honest We went the cheap route. I wanted to just see if he was open to it and what a skill level was so now

We're up in the I've upped the game. I found a medical grade tit pump This is Norman approved. Yep. It costs. I don't even know if I should say probably not Hundreds hundreds Yeah, okay eight hundred dollars. Fuck But here's the thing is that it's electric and it's coming from Europe right now It's electric and he will have some beautiful tits after this. Wow. Yeah So I'm very excited for the part the parcel to arrive. I don't know how we How we can talk about those tit cups coming without revisiting some norm stuff

Shook the podcast world. Let's stop for a moment and just point something out episode 550 of your mom's house will be studied for years Okay, it is it is definitely in the podcasting hall of fame Yes, people will talk about you know the first time Elon Musk was on Rogan Barack Obama was on Marin and they'll say episode 550 of your mom's house changed podcasting forever. It did now It set the world on fire. I was getting all kinds of notifications so many so many whammies so many big big things happen To me it was watching a senior citizen eat his own shit

But to some people it was something else But being that we got those tit cups coming from Europe and that we learned about tit cups from norm Yeah, I think we should see what else norm is up to you know. Oh, hello, dr. Taylor This is pig Norman Summerton pig got your message and yes Pig would love to suck your cock to have you come all over pigs face You know it's so sweet is that Canadian accent I like it too that will be a joy for both of us Yeah, it's so nice. Yes, dr. Tyler if you're in town in Calgary Look up the pig and get ready to have him suck your cock. Bye-bye, dr. Todder

So happy so joyful. He is joy. I do like him I it doesn't creep me out actually because I think he's a sweet guy. He is a sweet guy. I don't feel any weirdness Here's another video. It's so pure. Oh mistress. This is a pig. Here's my lighter Oh Dear oh dear. No, please. No, no By your command Wow His tits really have grown. Yeah

They really are getting better and better they're bigger for the people that are just listening what what did you just watch? Norm he's on his hands and knees in what appears to be probably his kitchen. He's completely naked and He used like a barbecue lighter to flame his dick for a while as he held the the What's he called the metal piercing that is in the head of his dick? And I tell you I watched his face the entire time not a flinch not a flinch not even a Who a wince it was just like that that that that I just feather in this dick with the lighter

Yeah, like if like he was just Basting it with a brush like a gentle. I want to take a quick moment to address something a few weeks ago on this very program I Said some harsh things about the world of professional wrestling and its Athletes and fans and I just want to tell you a lot of what I said was Careless it was thoughtless. It was unnecessary All of us can try to do better myself included I'm just kidding I

Don't give a fuck about you. All right now Let's surf to real news America This looks like a younger video because his hair hasn't been burned off yet No, exactly. He hasn't learned the art of feathering yet. He has not feathered it yet and his beard is full He looks a lot healthier here. Yeah, this is interesting. It's pretty good, but The thing beautiful about it Is you can usually still use the organ it's better stab throw never really stop it when you cut the tendons or the nerves

Yeah, we're made of maculon Americans That's gotta get Kind of Just a little bit ago So am I getting this right he was stabbed Yep, and then he's saying he kicked the guy in the mouth Mm-hmm, and that's why we had to blur it because you can't show gore on YouTube Is it pretty gory?

It's very like that's a lot of red. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's a He is bleeding. He is bleeding. It's dead smoker kid You should go to the doctor a hospital usually and get that kind of stitched up, but I just bought some super glue And we'll go glue it shut her since I Smoked his cigarette You can do going pretty good Guess oh But these are the kind of things I do for you Americans who not even turn it into a wall because I like to do my own

Fending and forgive him at the same time Now my camera was out of batteries. I never got to stick my camera down his mouth Now a quick question. What are the chances that fed smoker stabbed his own leg? Uh 10 out of 10 good good chances. Yeah, good chances. I don't think there's another guy that stabbed him. Yeah, there is You don't think that fed smoker could provoke someone to the point where they stab him with a screwdriver. Good counterpoint Yana, I agree with Nadav. However, this man here Likely was hearing voices. He may have been in a conflict with himself. This you really this is also mild

Fed smoker, right? Yeah, this is like really toned down the voices are in his most sedated state. He still goes There's no chill on Do you think even like when he lays down on the couch to chill out it's just like Like there's no But how does he relax? How does he sleep? Yeah? I don't know. I don't think he sleeps a lot One thing I don't think is that he sleeps on a regular schedule. I don't think he goes like oh, it's 10 3rd I gotta get to bed, man There's no schedule

I use it all the time whenever I get myself fucking We're not to blur that We do but if I've learned it, I feel like you guys what you wouldn't realize the gravity of how crazy Yeah, dude, wow, that's super blue and blood mixed together It's cold out. Holy My methods are extremely quick and painless. Yeah Um, what the fuck is going on in that car to like all he pulled out all the wiring and shit This guy was other level god

And he was nutty god damn it. Yeah, what a fuck. Yeah, you're a super Super He might be the craziest person we've ever covered that's saying something too. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, I think like piss spots is one level, but then this guy was violent and paranoid. Yeah, it's a lot Mm-hmm All right, let's get to it because Shocked us to our course It was a few weeks ago, but that doesn't mean we can't talk about it and that is of course

the infamous David and Lana on 90 Day Fiancé before the 90 days David was the show's most celebrated dunce He had gone four times To the Ukraine from Las Vegas to meet his girlfriend of seven years He paid her upwards of a hundred thousand dollars to chat with her on a dating site She stood him up not just on The trip itself, but on different days of the trip. Oh my god. I'll meet you at the train station

I'll meet you at the restaurant. I'll meet you over here Never showed up every time had excuses like well, I had my nephew's hockey game that day Yeah, I forgot that I was supposed to go shopping. No, he came back for a fifth time, right? And then she he gets there he flies for 24 hours. He checks in the hotel He's like well, I'm gonna get with Lana goes to the computer and she goes my nephew has What's the hockey games this weekend? I can't see you till Monday. So that's two more days of waiting So we're like, this is nuts. This he hired a private investigator in the Ukraine who first called him When he was in Las Vegas and was like, yeah, we did the invest, you know, we do everything

She's a scammer and he was like no, she's not and the guys like look we see it all the time She's on the same the person you gave it. She's on eight different sites at a minimum She's probably doing this to at least eight different men and he was like not true my Lana. Yep, and then He goes there. He meets with that private investigator the private investigator tells him Like I don't know what language to say this But she is a scammer and you're getting hosed and he goes sir, you are fired Good day. He's like good day to you sir. Yeah, and then he gets up and he leaves Let me ask you something if you are watching or viewing this podcast

Just look it up go to YouTube and just type in David and Lana experience the joy that is this man's Just unwavering certainty that this woman is his true love now. Here's the big spoiler after all this shit all this fucking obvious, you know manipulation by this person She contacts him again even after and she says I'll meet you Monday at this one park

And he goes to stand under a statue and she appears. Oh my god She actually So she's real she's real and I feel so taken advantage of by TLC the learning channel and their editors Because they hosed us they did they hosed me big time. Here's what they're leaving out so far and this By the time that this podcast comes out, we probably will have more information that we don't have at the moment, but They're not telling you that she's not a scammer, right all they're saying is the photo of the person is actually a person right and She may like She even mentioned in one of the little interviews we saw on this episode. She's like I hope he brings me nice things

Yeah, she's really into the stuff with David and I saw some leaked stuff on the interwebs, too That he was he sent her photos of him like courtship photos And they're like him in front of a Ferrari in front of a mansion like him and he's not a wealthy guy So she of course is gonna be like, oh, it's a wealthy guy. Yeah, so he also Well, she probably probably knows now But the amazing part is before he went to Ukraine for the fourth time He went to a jewelry store with a friend and the friend was like, are you sure you want to do this? He was like in my girlfriend and then they're like, alright, so what's your price range for this?

You know, here's all these different diamonds and how diamonds work and he was like, I'm thinking, you know, like $200 and the jeweler was like So you want like a cubic arconia and he was like, yeah, yeah Okay, yeah, so that's perfect for the Ukrainian family and the thing is today I saw a thing with her She was going through like a beauty store and she's like they have much better product in America I can't wait to go to America. She's clearly just wants to buy stuff this Ukraine. She's one of them hose. She's She's dating another man

Yeah, no shit. Oh, no, they're not engaged. What a shocker All right. Yeah. Well, anyways, it is an incredible Incredible like the power of delusion that we are all capable of yes Is like best highlighted in that case. Yes, and I have to say too. I am very upset with big Ed now I don't like how he treated rosemary. He did not inform her that he didn't want children and that was her dream to have two kids my dream my dream oh stop it. Oh stop it and oh Stop it you and your fake

Shock we do it again though. What my dream is what my dream big Ed to have children Cuz I good. I love it's a good impression of rose. It's my dream to have kids That's good, right? Yeah, that's really good. Oh, if that's a good What are we calling right now accent? Let's call him right now It's my dream Don't have kids That was good, right? Yeah, it's my dream Anyways, I don't like that he

Wasn't forthcoming with that why go all the way to the Philippines and take this girl away from her kid Take her on a vacation Tell her her pussy stinks tell her her breast tank tell her her legs are hairy and all that and then to do that was not very cool It wasn't cool. Yeah, and he got roasted online People got really mad at people are really into this show as am I I feel like it's an emotional roller coaster Can you see what the ratings are? Oh, it's got to be can you do that like ratings for Before the 90 days my dream to have kid hey I'm

We're doing a podcast right now and Christina was doing an impression of the Filipino girl from 90-day fiance before the 90 days and she goes Well, yeah, we said we got to ask Joe if it's a good impression or not. Are you ready? Okay Ed it my dream to have kids you make me feel very very bad about my dream Wow Right on see guys we got the endorsement and we can look you in the eyes and say it was not racist All right, bye

Wow, that was awesome. That was see bird hates so much that everybody he's like everywhere I go. They're like, oh you're gonna say something racist Uh stop looking at comments because everyone's like, oh you're in the KKK And I love that he's had agents call him before and they're like, why is everyone calling you racist? Okay, so this is okay. Oh, okay spin off 90 for any guys Highest ratings ever among its key demos in the network among the p20 the episode earned What is that 2.4 million total viewers Wow, wow

They even have a commentary show 90 fiance pillow talk And it earned Great 1.57 among that 2.2. Can you scroll down? Is there any more data? Yeah, so 4.1 on another episode. Yeah, so that's like crazy numbers for A cable show now, you know for a cable show and there's so much competition so much competition That's amazing. And I'll tell you they took us on an emotional ride and I enjoyed it and uh You know that did they did they manipulate us a little? Yes

I saw even over we're not even done yet. I feel taken but you know what it was fun and I love it and I love the show Yeah, I feel took it. I want to see what happens took and taken to yolanda And williams and williams now williams is definitely a scammer because they did the reverse. Oh that one. There's no question image search And soja boy and baby love. I don't know so far their relationship seems to be the strongest one We just don't everyone else's upside down right now. And they're the only ones hanging in that Soja boy Soja boy soja boy not to be can you just soldier boy right and there's a pretty well known american uh hip hop act soja boy and this is

No, this is soja boy right a soldier. There's soja boy in the united states had you know quite a few big Big hits and uh, this is soja boy who's gonna just show up be like you don't hear the difference I'll be there for you. I'll be there for you girl I love it. Yeah, she actually looks good in that african outfit. I like it. Oh, it was run bisexual No I know it says Oh, please says maybe Oh boy

Are we gonna call jessica curse on right now? Uh, should we call it right now? Yeah. Yeah, okay I can't wait to talk to this maniac. You know, she's been in uh on the east coast here for this whole covet 19 thing And I thought we should check in with her and see how things are going. Oh, yeah. Yeah, she's so fantastic. She's so funny. Um Anyway, I just miss her so much Um Remember when she was here, she said I like my porn so violent I want I want to go to their funeral

I Hello, hi jessica. It's uh, it's tom and christina. How are you? Hi, good. How are you good? We're just why did I say good? I'm not good. I always say that habit. Yeah, things are fucking horrible Oh Well, we wanted to check in with you because we haven't seen you in a while and god you guys got hit so hard on the east coast What's going on? I know it's bad. You know, I'm I'm

I had diarrhea for a couple of days, but I don't think it was the virus. I think it was just The binging but yeah, it's really it's bad here It's bad and it seems like it's not bad anywhere else. So It's like we're on another planet. Yeah, where did what did you be? What were you binging? Where are you into something in particular during this time? Yeah, I mean I eat chips a lot I eat popcorn because it's corn, you know, I mean I like it's a vegetable so I just eat Tons of popcorn because I tell myself it's okay or

Toast eat owes again corn, you know, right cakes. I binge. I mean it sounds like it's healthy stuff But it's not when you eat five bags of it. Yeah. Yeah, like the whole inside of my mouth is cut from the chip I'm bleeding You know, if you put super glue in your mouth, you'll stop bleeding. I read that That's it. Yeah, I I do that with my kids sometime Um, I just pour super glue all over them. I can't even believe I'm with my kids so much It's I would have never ever agreed to it. I knew I was gonna be home with that. No, really It's a nightmare, right? Yeah. Yeah. How are you guys holding them? It's a fucking nightmare. Yeah, they're always on top

Like I'm so negative I'm playing with dolls with my four and a half year old daughter and I'm like beating men We're like beating each other with the dolls and it's it's crazy. It's like an abusive environment Oh girl, what's the um, what's the forecast according to you? What do you think's gonna happen here in the next? You know six eight weeks I think it's gonna take that amount of time Especially here for things to they said they're doing like roadside stuff for like Plants and you know, I don't even know what they're talking about

But I think it's gonna be a while until in the major cities you can go out and do stuff I think so too. I mean if i'm living by July or august i'm hoping if i'm still alive. I probably will start cutting or doing something by then, but if i'm still alive I'm hoping that I can be a traveling clown again, but um I don't know how strange has it been for you like I've actually moved past How weird it has been to not do stand-up in this long You know, I mean like or isn't it it's like now i'm like, oh, yeah, I used to do that

I feel like it's like, oh, yeah, I used to work at a warehouse in college, you know I Feel the exact same way. Yeah, I went to university of maryland like it's just like something in my life that's past It's over. It's over Yeah, I mean, what what the fuck am I gonna do be like a aerobics instructor like how What else I have no other skills. I would be there every day if you thought I would be in the front row every day because you'd be so abusive to us and that would be the best part Yep, I would I would just sit on the floor and like

Like candy and tell people what to do. I I don't even move. This is also I kind of like not leaving my house. I have to be I know that sounds crazy, but I like not being around people. Yeah, it's Like when people walk past my house and like get the fuck away from my house, you know, yeah We were always like part of that but Um, but you know It's not easy the whole thing is just crazy and I do feel like I don't do comedy anymore Like now I'm just uh, I make videos and do zoom shows and I'm an instagram Live person for 20 people. It's all very sad. Yeah, do you um,

Do you lean out your window every day at 7 p.m. And say thank you first responders and like clap and everything No, well, I'm in a I'm not um I'm not in new york city. I'm in a suburb So I think people would think I would you can still do it. You can still do it You can just I will they can hear you get a pot in a pan And you know like something to hit it with and then you just go for our first responders and just scream out the window Can I just hit my head with the pan and just be like thank you nurses and then just fly out the window Yeah

I would love that. I'd be like, you know, there's a crazy chick that lives in that house and every day at 7 She bashes her fucking head in with a hand I beat myself with a ladle. Oh my god One doctor now, I've been worried about you Specifically about your masturbation routine. How has this affected your masturbation? Oh, thank you so much for asking that's a very important question Well, I stopped masturbating a lot a long time ago because I'm medicated. So I'm I I told you I can't even feel my vagina It's like a it feels like a pork chop. Like I just put something there

Um, so but now I'm trying to do it to like for self care Like it's literally one of the things I'm trying to do To feel better and it's the only way I can nap when I'm anxious. So I just put on the porn and Yeah, yeah on my phone like an animal. What are you watching? Is there has has the quarantine shifted your you know genre or style of video that you look up? Yeah, I'm much more into medical scenes now and I like someone People with masks not like all the gear the mask the gloves the the doctor's outfits And then I just I like that they can't touch each other. It's a turn on

Like everyone's just six feet apart and just like wow. Yeah to the left, you know, but no one's even touching Really hot. That is super hot Super hot. Are you guys having a lot of sex? I would assume you're having sex daily. Well home with the kids and Well, yes, as you know, uh, two and four year olds if nothing make you really horny, especially as a mom I know it's like, uh, yeah, so Yeah, well, we have just enough time in the night like we put the kids down We hurry fuck and then we watch 90 day fiancé And that's the night

We hurry fuck. It's uh, we make sure the door is locked. Definitely. That's a big one. You got to remember that Yeah to lock the door. I know that's really traumatizing. Yeah, yeah Have you and yeah, I don't I don't want them to see their two moms doing anal that is Not to have two moms but then to watch the anal stuff is really Like a double whammy. It's true. It is so true That is so traumatic. Oh my god I've been I've been buying wigs on amazon and wearing them and tom really likes that. It's like a new lady And we have identities for all of them names and we give them a bio and uh, like one of them's a runaway

And she hasn't eaten in a while And then one of them is looking for coke One of them one of them works in hr farbrah hr one of them One of them has dementia. He's probably hot in bed. Yeah. Yeah, they have different styles. I mean They're all whores, but you know, they're they're they're just Different types. Yeah, one of them does have dementia. Well, what's the point if they're not a whore? Exactly? Yeah, that's the only Yeah, that's so true. That's the only thing i'm attracted to one of them can't stop crying I don't last long with her if you know what I mean. So

One of them can't stop crying. Yes, I I get so turned on by that like a broken woman, you know, who's like, I just want to go home Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, I love that. Yeah, I love that Please let me go my mom misses me. Yeah, like that kind of Is really hot Oh Yeah, I love that See, we have the total ease of the same preferences

I love you so much. Yeah Hey, I wanted to ask you I didn't get to ask you this. Um, I got you know, a lot of uh, of the professional wrestling community got upset last week When um, I I insulted them Are you a wrestling fan? No, I don't I I'm okay with people that Watch it and are into it, but I never understood it and I've asked a lot of my guy comic friends As you know, a lot of these guys are into it. I'm like, what do you I don't get it because it's not real and they're like No, it's just like it's it's that's why it's like a

Fantasy thing and I'm like, why don't you just watch? I don't know something like it's it's it's confusing to me. Um, but I I was laughing so fucking hard when I saw the clip of you talking about it And then how upset everyone got so I could not stop laughing I don't remember who I was telling that to like a some I think it was Greg Fitzsimmons or some comic I was saying it to the other day I could not stop laughing at that video of you trashing the whole community I was it was so fun to see people get that upset about it. Oh, they're so fired up man. It was great

I know. I mean, there's people dying everywhere. There's a disease economy, but you know, it's really important is that you're making fun of And the whole community. I mean that is the most There's people trying to get their last breath and not being able to say goodbye to their family members, but I'm more upset About you making fun of pro wrestling. There's a very upsetting there's a shortage of ventilators and Forbes is writing Tom Segura trashed wrestlers

Yeah, my dad just died two weeks ago and we had to bring our own shovel, but it's fine the wrestling community really is very upset and God wait till they wait till we get in on the Furby people they're really gonna be upset Oh, can you please do that? Yeah, if they get upset I will die. I'll die from laughing. Yeah, definitely We gotta trust them now. Don't you make fun of us? Yeah Let us like what we like Okay

I'm this is valid You're a jerk. Wow Jessica, I wish you were here. It's um, we miss you. We'd be really fun to have you here right now Do people in New York? I would feel to be there with you guys Well, let me ask you this in la people are doing birthday parades where if it's your birthday Yeah, you're too. Oh my is there anything worse than a birthday parade I think I would rather get the virus than have everyone just drove by and honked and like held out signs And then then the birthday girl or boy is on the street just watching and then all of a sudden the last car just

runs them over So That would be the best and you just hear you just hear that the best birthday presents all the honking kind of slowly fades Yeah I Yeah, I don't want a birthday parade. I just want to like I want someone to shoot me. I mean who It's sad also I'm telling you like I we didn't do a shiva and rachel feinstein drove out to long island with her husband and like left a challah and

And a pie on my steps and gifts for my clothes and then stood six feet from me I'm like this is more upsetting than my father passing that we can't hug and like you're standing six feet from me Yeah, that I don't know man I started hugging people against her. Well, you know, you get yeah I did I hug some oh, I hugged somebody the other day and I was like, oh I hugged a stranger. They started to scream. Yeah I started coughing on people just to see if they're dramatic and um It it turns out that people a lot of people are dramatic and get very upset over a little thing

babies Dude, wasn't it, uh, I think theo von tweeted that coughing is the new n word That's so funny That is great. Are people driving alone in their cars wearing their masks like they are here, too Yeah, I don't understand that at all Um, oh, I I understand it. It's it's called diminished capacities You mean like it's too much for them to take it off and put it back on I mean I kind of mean that um tick tock. Yeah, they're

There's a little extra drool on their pillow when they wake up in the morning, you know What I like to wear my I like to wear my mask all night, too when I'm sleeping You know what's funny I tweeted this but I it's weird to wear a mask like when I'm out all the time Because I usually only wear it when I'm pooping Like the only time I've ever Worn a mask is when I'm shitting when I have to smell my own shit I've put on a mask. You just gave me a really good idea. Yeah, I think I might actually try that today

I have so many fucking stupid masks Yeah, and I always cringe when I have to smell my own shit. What about the gloves too? Are you wiping with the gloves? Oh, that's smart, too Yeah Yeah, yeah Yeah, I I usually wear the mask and I wipe with the gloves and then I just throw the gloves out You know, I just peel them off and throw them out And um and then use it again the same gloves when they dry Yeah, I'm so gassy. Yeah

Oh God Um, look when you're out here next sometime in 2024 2025. Will you please come see us again? Are you kidding? I would you guys your fans are the best fans Of any podcast they all everyone has like started following me. They come to my shows Awesome, so many people they are the best over the country. They are the best And it made me so happy that you were such a home run when you were here because uh, you know, it's just you deserve it You're so funny and um, yeah, we can't wait to see you again. We can't wait to see you again

Big hug. Jess. Well, I love you guys I'm thinking about you a lot and um, and I will definitely if I do this thing You know yelling out to a doctor and bash my head with a pan. I'll have someone film it Please do. Please. Oh my god, please do Please do. I will. All right. We love you. We love you. Bye Jess Love you guys. Take care. Bye She's the best dude. There's no way she's so great. She's supposed to bash her head with a pan. That's a good idea Unreal. Could you imagine how irritating that is to be in new york city and every fucking night at seven

These people are banging their pots and pans. I know it's gotta be really annoying Oh boy So cool We're looking at Holy shit. Those are huge nips Huge nip nips. God those are bigger than some people's. Those are dick nips. Yep. She's got dick nips Oh my god. Oh, wow I don't know. I don't know

This is like the porn we pitched potter doing when he goes fully blind Remember? Yeah, like the guys just rubbed their dicks on his face And he has to guess what it is. He's like this is a big nipple. But this is a big nipple Because they tell him oh, this is just a nipple and then the four brothers come in and yeah God My goodness. Oh, no. No, that's fake. They're gotta be I don't think so Can you do an impression of him I don't want to I don't want to I don't want I don't like

Oh, we can put your dicks in her nips They're effing her nips I don't understand how this is working. I do This is so fucking hot Jesus I usually don't get hard with our clips now Here's a question. Yeah

If I'm one of these guys There's a question Is that considered cheating? Yeah Why? Yeah, babe, you can't put your peener in someone's dick nips You can't do it. You're not allowed to it's a newly discovered thing. We've never even no no nips If a dick suck ain't cheating how come a tip? I don't understand how they're getting the nips to go in like that and create a concave I don't understand what I'm seeing

Ah And now she's pissing And just they're jizzing and she's pissing I mean I don't feel good. Whoo I like that they have their nice little schoolboy outfits on they have their suspenders on Wow, this is fucking cool, man Oh, finally Oh, there's a third guy now. I thought they weren't allowed to show

Yeah, they usually bled out I mean their dicks are inside her nipples. I know now these are this is technically blurred on their standards. They're just really good at it I mean, were you able to study those nipples? Are those real or is that like some prosthetic thing? I think it's a prosthetic thing because there was a video where they like Try to show what the inside of it was Almost positive that they're fake. Yeah, this doesn't even make sense biologically Like to have it an inverted she could have like some anomaly like, you know, some crazy

I think she should put some sort of tit cup on there. She could probably make that happen guys. I get it. I get it No, hold on. I get the fetish. It's that her tits are vagas. Right No, but that's the intent was to make vag tits. Oh vag tits, right so that you could eff her tits like vagas That's the whole idea behind this. I'm saying that's the marketing The marketing you can eff her tits and her v Yeah, yeah Yeah, tit veg Yeah, it's neat. So I still consider cheating. Sorry. Did I not get to answer your question?

The logic now follows that that's a vagina. So no, you can't and you can't tit fuck anything else But you can't tit fuck other people. I'm not tit fucking though You're yeah, kind of no, no, no, no, you're vag tit fucking No, you're nipped hit Fucking nips has never been on you're fucking a nip vag a manufactured nip vag So whoever this is so dumb. I can't I can't and then she pissed I don't like the pee all right. Let's switch it up to something different Oh, oh, this is my doggy

so Bitsy we put a t-shirt on her A day or two ago and why tied it up in a little bun there So it doesn't hinder her ability to go pee pee a poo poo and it's a spicy hot pink shirt And I just thought this was funny because our nanny came in The next morning and I go did you see bitsy's new outfit and she's she goes Yes, he's very sexy And I thought I've never heard a dog's outfit described as sexy and I thought it was really cute that she

Referred to it as sexy which it is the lady you're speaking of has sass to her She's got spikes saying oh this lady now has some sass Some sexy time I love bitsy's sexy shirt. She's wearing a sexy a sexy outfit She took it off on her own this morning. I think she's over it. Yeah, she took it off She took it off on her own. She did on the couch this morning Yeah, but there she is my sexy little dog can't not yeah My sexy brussel scruff on she can't not with that shirt on she's gotta take it off

So she can get a nut off, you know, right, uh-huh. Yep Stupid God Cool guy tries the rpc technique. What's this all about? Um, this is a really cool guy that zolo found And it's really it's really interesting to see someone take the rpc move and kind of like Do their own painting with that paint, you know, right? So he's taken those tools and he's Putting it on his own. I like the description so far. Okay. Hi guys. My name is James D. Maria

I live at 27 at Ferdinand condominium I'm a sexy, small, sissy, feminine, thin bottom faggot. I love to suck cocks and swallow gum I love this shit joint animal and otto sex otto take cocks up my ass You guys got text me at 4-0-1-3-2-3. I'm very fit. I'm so proud to be gay Oh look at my legs so sicky smooth I love it so much. That is so troubling. It's so disturbing. It doesn't make me uncomfortable at all Oh, it doesn't make me uncomfortable. No, it does. It just gives me being sarcastic ear to ear joy No, I know but it makes me happy. I love seeing a guy do this. It's just like a woman

Oh, you guys come and fuck me I love to get fucking to your ass I love cocks so much. I'm so feminine. Oh man. I got so many questions Hold on. Where's that accent from you think? Oh, it's my tribe or latin I think it's swedish Okay, so your pain may ask you this question. Yeah, why does he need to hold up the iphone when the camera? There's another camera recording Like he's just blocking his own face

No, he's recording. Oh, he is. He's doing it in a mirror. Oh, okay. Sorry guys. I wasn't sure what technical setup You might be talked locked and ready to rock always. Yeah um It's oh, wow. Well, I like the lighting. The lighting is good. I like the nice plant He's got a plan his decorations are sparse. I like that. He talked his junk. Did he? Yeah. Yeah I like his alarm clock from the 90s vintage James de maria and I live at 27 he's latin condominium

Guys come and fuck this faggot He does have nice legs Oh He has nice legs That moaning is really really cool Jesus christ This episode is the coolest I didn't think we could top it from the poutine episode and now

It cuts up my ass All right The thing I don't like about this one. I will say it cuts up my ass I like the forcefulness of an rpc. Right fuck me piss on me beat me I like it when they're a little more aggressive. He's too vulnerable. I feel like he'll get hurt Well, he wants to be vulnerable though, you know, right feminine. He's selling like be agro with me, but I'm I'm delicate Come and fuck me

Fuck He wants you to manhandle him. That's what he's saying. You know, I have I have feminine legs and yeah, I get it He's I heard the plea. It was nice that he would touch his whole body and stuff It's really cool. I don't feel sick or anything Can we do some talks? All right, I've pulled some primos go to a batch four. Well, let's get into your talks I hope you bitches was looking for me You ready? I'm so ready. I'm excited to see what you have pulled. I spent some really productive work. I also want to cover up this image

So let's get right into it I have a good guess So if you're a listener, there's somebody on all fours and they're using like cups under their hands clacking and clowning around and pretending to walk on their hands and feet My guess at this brief talk is that this is the wonderful result of PCP

I don't know. That's what I think. Yeah, I mean, I'm not sure what it is, but I like it. I like people walking like horses Do we know where this is? I want to say it looks like somewhere, africa. Yeah Really? Yeah, you listen to the accent. What accent? Listen to what the person said Oh, no, sorry Yeah, it's foreign. Oh, yeah, look at the plates license plate Yeah, he's speaking our language I love how you guys immediately assume I'm being inappropriate. No, I just was I didn't know You guys are such but the license plates are actually the best giveaway. Yeah. Yeah, born. You're right

This is the one time you weren't wrong. Oh, it's good to do. Okay Oh Jesus You're actually gonna tell me that's New Jersey or something, right? That is so clearly Omaha Will you describe what you saw? Yeah, I mean for a listener a guy is in a what is it called a manhole, right? Is that what it's called? Yeah, on a dirt road And there's something that's backing it up and this dude just dunked down for like a minute came up and threw some

trash out of it people are gathered around and It seems pretty gnarly this this definitely does not seem like it's in the greater Miami area Yeah, it's wild. It's wild. I thought you'd just appreciate that. No. Yeah, but that is I mean I my eyes bugged out It was like, how long is it gonna be down there? Yeah, he like held his breath and sewer for a long time which is Okay, tick tock how many likes to make me put my fucking hair out Do you thumbs up come on? Yeah, I knew it Yes

Pretty good further in it brother. Yeah. Yeah, but it's how many likes to make me put my hair out, right? So hurry up and get on this. Yeah, which is not bright. He has a real interesting look in his eyes You know, what's that tom? I don't know. I just I could tell something was up Like okay tick tock how many likes to make me put my fucking hair out sounds canadian A little bit of panic washed over his face just for a moment there I thought that was pretty cool. He got that excited stutter of like how many to put my fuck This is That's wild

That was it gave me the chills. That's not like a setup thing. That's I don't think so This girl just casually grabs a cobra out of the air How is that possible this girl sitting on like a picnic blanket? You know, she's sitting by uh by the marsh by the lake You know, maybe I don't know 30 yards from it or something and you just see a snake Cruise up cruise up and then she just grabs it out of the air like get out of here She's in her bikini ball or shit, dude. Come on How is that real? I'll tell you how I was in australia

In the 90s. I don't know if you know this. I was on a little show called road rules australia the season before the ovan and He had a small dog and I was we were surfing on sand dunes in mum striglia And I shit you not the guide that was with us Exact thing happened a sidewinder snake came up on the dunes This Aussie just goes grabs it by the neck and throws it away So that shit happens in parts of the world. Jesus. Yeah, I've seen it firsthand. I don't know where this is, but wow

This is your worldwide appreciation edition of I know international talks Yes, hi guys, my name is deity valiergas. I am from the Philippines. There you go I am on my third day on tiktok and I already got some negative comments Very nasty remarks from people Why and I got bashed because of having my eyes tattooed and all these tattoos in my body Now for those who are saying that I don't have any contribution to the society first off I'm an HIV awareness advocate in the Philippines also fighting discrimination for tattoos and body modifications in the office also working for

Liberation and rights for tattooed people for for their employment At the same time working for arts and culture preservation in the Philippines and even got an award for it a presidential award in 2007 So if you're saying that I don't have any contribution to this society Let me hear your credentials girl and for those who are saying I'm not grateful to god girl We have different religions. My religion embraces diversity. Just respect each other love Yeah, anyway, all that stuff. Did you hear eyeball tattoos? Yeah, because I see that her eyeballs are all black Is this a horror? I literally thought this was I think this is not a her. Oh, it could be a man. I don't know It's a man. I think it's a boy. Yeah, it's a boy because I've I've seen other things where he goes through the process

He'll show you pictures. No, I think it's a duke. Why would you think if you said, you know I mean because it's a feminine boy. So I can't be a hundred percent sure Well, then you need to lead with that You just say I'm not sure. I mean, you're very offensive Then they I don't know but okay. Well, that's that's what you should say. You should say I don't know Don't fucking act like you know You don't know but did you know that people could tattoo their eyeballs? No, but I'm gonna do it now He tattooed his eyeballs all black, dude

All black that's I didn't even know you could do that. I'm not even sure that's he's kind of pretty safe. Yeah No, he's so sweet. I'm sure he's lovely No, I mean like he's kind of attractive. Oh, you like it. You're into it. Yeah. Oh, shit. You're gonna date him I don't know. You go to the Philippines depends what his nipples look like Yeah Kind of nips that you can get into. Yeah, maybe why are people staring at me all the time? How come every time I take a walk everyone just looks at me? Yeah, I have body modifications. So what?

Yes, I tattooed my eyelids eyes black. Yeah, my eyes are all black and there's horns coming out of my forehead So what a lot of people have that I tattooed my face and my neck and my chin and my I mean, what's the what's the big deal? You haven't seen this before? And you might be totally confused as to whether or not I'm a man or woman or anything You're so full of hatred looking at me. God evil Man, you ever see those like documentaries or shows where they show some guy like hiking the Himalayas and he's got You know frost on his beard and goggles on and you're like, man, this dude's so adventurous That guy actually lives inside of you. You know what he loves? What drinking whiskey? Yes

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Uh, please drink responsibly alcohol volume 70 proof Oh boy, hello everyone. I hope you're doing okay during this quarantine time and uh, my son then changed his tiktok name to Ben underscore travolta all small letters. So check it out if you care too and have a good day For those of you just listening, this is a totally natural TikTok posted by john travolta just letting you know that his son changed his username on the talk Hi, everybody. It's very natural. Hi everybody You're having a great day And I just want to let you know that my wife is the christina p

You should check her out if you want to okay. Have a great day. What is wrong with you? I'm not hiding anything I'm totally transparent. Everything I say is genuine. You know what I was you know, I was thinking about because we always talk about how super fame But you know makes you fucking weird, but I gotta say I now think it's fame with within a certain lane that makes you weird. Oh interesting And the reason I say this is because I like a lot of people has been deeply into The last dance the documentary series on michael jordan and the bulls

And as you're watching it, you know, you're reminded even though you already know you're reminded just what an impact michael jordan had on The game and also on just pop culture and how he's this immensely famous guy and I think the reason why he's not So weird is because he's super famous, but he's from sports and sports are kind of the great equalizer Sports are something that you know, you wear the same thing when you're playing everybody's in the same uniform It's humbling. You can fail. You fail publicly You fail you feel a lot and you're usually around coaches Uh and any type of sport around coaches coaches, especially they're usually older men

And they're you know, they're they come from a different era and they kind of keep you Like it's a good point grounded in a way because he's like, you know for how famous michael jordan is He's sitting there talking like a guy you'd at a at a bar you would talk to about games You know, he doesn't seem straight. You don't watch me. You're like the fuck is wrong I like your argument and I would argue comedians for the most part like we are friends with really successful comedians And for the most part they're pretty fucking Yeah Down earth because you get humbled by the audience constantly

You're not guaranteed to continue your career and people shit on you all the time Now this happens you're acting you're on a closed set. You don't really interact with the public You don't really get to see how people see you right? Yeah, you're not you're not shamed if you do a bad acting job on the set that day I hope you like his new. Oh my god lowercase letters So fucking weird play it again because look at the eyes the eyes just don't it's not truthful Hello, everyone. I hope you're doing okay during this quarantine time and My son then changed his tiktok name to ben underscored travolta all small letters

So check it out if you care too and have a good day okay Like you're doing fine during this quarantine. It's just they're all weird, you know, micana. He's weird johnny depp's weird Oh my god, all the famous actors and entertainers are weird. Yeah, and then Like I said the athletes You know, they're just like, oh, yeah, I mean he you wouldn't know That mj was who he was if you didn't know him, you know He just seemed like a guy talking about this game in that game and it means a psycho

Because he's such a crazy competitor It is fun to watch it as an adult because you know all my exposure to michael jordan as a kid was just like You you just in your mind you go. He's just the best player. You just go this He's just the best. He's like superman and then as an adult being able to revisit those times and seeing What he put into being the best player You had no appreciation for that as a kid. You just go. Oh, this person's just talented, you know, right?

He don't realize that He was so obsessive and had like the craziest work ethic and You know would kill somebody to not lose a game. It's totally different like and also you watch You you know, you go I think he's just better like when you're a kid and then you watch these documentary and you're seeing all these guys like Name brand dudes, you know, I mean famous guys who are all like

who if you were to walk into a gym and like Try to play basketball with I don't know glenn rice or Charles oakley or Any of those guys they would just embarrass you and he embarrassed all of them like he's That's how Naturally good and how obsessive and driven he was that he made all these pros monsters six ten guys that are just genetic freaks

He made them all like go like Mike's about to wear our ass out right now Saying crazy shit. I love that episode. I think seven or eight Where he's calling his teammates like teammates. He's like you shoot the ball. Bitch. Do a layup. He's like come on. Ho calling people hoes I didn't know you could do that. I mean you didn't get penalized for that. You're not supposed to heckle your teammates Are you penalized? Well, I mean don't they have codes and stuff in sports. Aren't you not allowed to do stuff to each other? What do you mean? I don't know shit like okay in football. You're not allowed to grab the guy's hair How come you're allowed? I thought oh you can yeah. Oh never mind

I didn't think you're allowed to just talk shit to people He's michael jordan. You can say whatever he wants to anybody. Oh, I didn't know You can back like if you can back it up you can say whatever you want. Oh, you don't think you can talk shit He's the most famous trash talker in Sports history. No Abusive but to your own teammates. Yeah, damn. He was more abusive to his teammates than to opponents. It's crazy. Yeah punched people in the face Called them bitches hoes and they probably cut out some words and he was like you just can't air that one

anymore Yeah, he was like I can't have you I'll let you air all this stuff, but Probably shouldn't air me saying which words like what do you mean? Uh, just specifically what words are you thinking of? I think a pejorative term for The homosexual was probably used a lot in that time and he was probably like yeah, I'll put that in the dock I'm sure

All all that era's athletes threw that around so that's oh for sure. Yeah, it's notably missing, but I'm I'm sure it exists All day every day. I'm sure it exists Yeah, yeah, I mean, he's just Yeah, amazing I know you was not up in here drinking coffee at six o'clock What the hell you mean? I'm not drinking coffee. What the hell? What's happening? Why are you doing why I'm drinking coffee when I'm drinking coffee? I drink coffee. I like coffee. Why are you can't drink my water?

It's your only ass. I don't like you either Am I coming around you got some shit to say always trying to bother me shut up You was a hater I just love that interaction Like I feel like my mother and I had a similar dynamic like we drink coffee at six o'clock at night for the fucking What are you drinking coffee for? Fuck you? I do that. I like That's such like a spicy mom thing to do. Yeah, would your mom talk shit to you like that if you said that to her Um, are you drinking coffee at six o'clock like I should well I drink coffee when I went to drink coffee

Yeah, she would say something shitty back. She would snap back. She would say something sassy She would not be like No, yeah, if you if you say something and she would be like What are you drinking? Yeah, she would be yeah, she'd be saucy. I like by the way you have to I I'm telling you watch it last night Go watch The tomsa girl in espanol with my mom. Oh my god, it's so telling you I I laughed so hard doing it But I you laughed even harder watching it and I mean

If you're like, I don't want to I can't understand Spanish. Just turn on the closed captioning It's it's we now have it all translated. So you she was amazing and there's even a part in english that I want to give away That she called a friend. So It's really funny. It's really funny. It's really funny. Yeah, I was dying laughing and I don't speak espanol Yeah, yeah, so just go to my youtube page YouTube Page is a tomsa girl and it's called a tomsa girl in espanol. Do you remember the episode number? I believe it's eight. It's eight. Yeah, it's so fast. It's really funny. Oh my god. She's hilarious in it. Yeah

She tried to get an ipad During the podcast and I got so many messages from people like come on center the ipad God damn it. Mm-hmm, but she doesn't use it for anything. She uses it to just play bridge on right? I know stupid before we get into this the uh the uh Some of the comments on the most epic episode of podcasting Ever episode 550 of your mom's house

I will say that we should let you know That the good people at satva are good friends at satva are letting us Do another giveaway a giveaway to you The person at home in need of an awesome new bed. So here's what you got to do If you want to we did this once before it was a lot of fun. We asked you the viewer the listener Make a video Uh 30 seconds. I think max right 30 to 45 seconds that we want. Yeah, keep it around in the 30 to 45 second

Let's stay in that lane. Don't send us some six minute clip 30 45 seconds of why we should send you a free mattress Complete with Sheets pillows will hook you up, right? We'll play our 10 favorite ones here on the show The entire staff will vote on who should get the decked out Satva stuff and uh, yeah, it's just a really fun way to do it 30 45 seconds send it to your mom's podcast at gmail.com

Your mom's podcast at gmail.com. There's no house in the email address And the subject line should say satva s a a tv a s a a tv a Send us the video put that in the subject line We'll play them and it's a lot of fun. So well, let's try that Um, here are excited for people. It's fun. It's actually people if you want to look up the time we did it before It was hilarious. It was really fun. But not only that just we have had a satva mattress. We've had two different brands. We've had the Uh, the was the luxury firm. Yeah, and then we upgraded to a king

Lumin leaf and now we have a new we have a third style coming You know, I can't wait. I forget the the the line. Um, but we're we're doing the uh, the sit-up for you kind You know i'm talking about where is it? Can you pull that? And not only that brew We have independent independent cut like compartments or whatever so that I can go up and you can stay down Yes, that's what i'm talking about. So I can't wait. Can you scroll down? Does it have the different ones there? om jeans Because I know man, that's gonna be good go up into the

Does it have the different styles? There's sapa classic linen leaf solar. No, no the one solar solar solar. That's it That's what we're getting There we are. There's tom and me sleeping. Yep. She likes to be up a little. He likes to be completely flat I like it. I've always wanted to do the thing where I go Hungry and then I just press it and it just goes And then you sit there and you don't move you just hold like a chip out and I just take out bite and then I go I lay back down

Babe, this is the next step in our marriage. Yeah, this is it pretty sweet man I can drink my wine sitting up and you can be asleep on 10 milligram tom and then when I hear you at in the middle of the night I can just hit the button and have you Yeah 10 milligram tom and shard name mom. There you go. There you go your mom's podcast at gmail.com subject line satva s a a tv a now let's look at some of the comments from episode 550. What's up first here? Oh, yeah, imagine if that was Imagine if you're like, I'm gonna check out your mom's house. This is a comment by deon krauss Imagine if somebody was like just watch this and you see

a senior citizen shitting into his french fries Eating it vomiting you vomiting and then me running away running away then a rant about the nonsense of professional wrestling and Seeing that that stirred people up Maybe quite the episode to get into, you know Yeah, you start watching the episode and it's just like You berating an employee for the first 15 minutes. I forgot that and we forgot about you. Oh, yeah, I forgot about you So fast I just forgave you so that's why I forgot about yeah

Tom on a scale of 1 to 10. How warmly do you feel to no doubt 10 being the warmest? I'm it's getting, you know, it's warm today. What are you at like a six easily over a five. Yeah Oh, wow, you're almost back in the fold. Maybe in another week. You can get back to a 10 easily over a five Now, you know how I feel. Here's james bain row. Do you work here? Equals toms. Do you like your life? Yeah, I never thought of that. That's pretty good. Yeah, good one james. You like your life Uh garth has finally snapped and killed tom now. He's wearing tom's skin that explains why tom's so full of rage Hashtag garth gate. I didn't even know this existed

There's garth gate that i'm actually garth Oh, wow. Yeah, the garth gate is that garth has killed you Cut your skin And that's garth underneath your skin. Oh, that's because I rage so hard at you Well, yeah, because it's so uncharacteristic of you because people don't associate you with rage right they associate rage with garth Right and you're a target. I will say that I think Quarantine tom we're starting to see a new side of I think that this quarantine has brought out everybody's personalities a bit more

And you're starting to see the side that I've seen for the last 15 years Put it that way. Okay. I'm not alone anymore. I'm not alone anymore Sorry, I'm sorry. I love you. I love you So you're a throwing up whilst laughing like a maniac might be the most ymh thing i've ever seen That's true. I sign off on that mr. Martena 56 That's pretty true. That's very true I'm surprised you could vomit and then laugh as hard as you did and then like tears were coming out It was completely uncontrollable. I mean, I

I didn't like it. I don't like barfing and I didn't like it. I did feel like I was in a psychotic rage You know Oh, hey, I got on the road again. Look at this comic here. This is uh, that's cool Pretty cool. Bruno did this It's a a comic book. I can't read it though. I can't read it either. My eyes aren't that good. Come on, babe. Kick what kick this Buttfucker. Buttfucker on the nuts Hmm I think that's Eugene and that's me cheering you on. Yeah, what else is here? Oh, yeah

I sent this to norm. You did Yeah, we made this corvid corvid clothing drew this Yeah, he loved it. He loved it. I said, hey man fan art Look what they sent. They did a view and I sent this to norm. So if you drew this corvid clothing I got it to to norm and he enjoyed it. Wow. I really like this I feel like they caught his essence because you know, he isn't it sounds odd But to me, he isn't that guy that just shits on fries and you know, like he actually is a pretty Soulful layered person. Yeah, and I feel like this portrait captures. God. What a way to describe it

I don't know why I'm really taken with I'm taken with Robert Paul and I'm taken with norm. I just I love these guys Uh, dino tomic drew. Oh, wow me as Uh, nine different cartoon characters animation stuff. There's south park tom. There's simpsons Family guy simpsons rick and morty archer. This is great. They're really cool. He did a really really good job They're not all that flattering, but they're really good Yeah, the family guy one is not flattering. Yeah, but they're all I mean, they're they're great for what they are. Yeah

Oh, what's oh gq put me at uh On the cover. I talked tit cups. Oh, wow Shocking stolen baller news. Did tom have the key the whole time setting up christina. I didn't even know gq covered this I didn't know either. I'm shocked that they had time But with everything else in the world. Oh my god real do bad nadav do real bad Under the sheets. That's scary. That is scary. I fucking somebody drew a good one of nadav naked or something Did you see that one? Oh, that was on uh, that was on my instagram. Yeah, it was really funny frame of mind art. Did a great

Yes, I saw that was a valortaker. I saw So many great valour ones. That's amazing. So silly. Oh this one. I like unbelievable. Yeah, who was this freak shop gallery This is a charo portrait where she's That's That's great. Uh freak shop gallery did my mom completely disappointed carrying naked fat baby me Really good unbelievable Um, yeah, there we go. This is uh gypsy christina. Yep. Yep. Christina p high and tight Oh, it's it's the main mommy shirt logo. I see I see the main mommy

I see all herk news there up in the top left. There that is which I am the main mommy by the way Do we ever decide between us who the main mommy is? I mean, I always Said it was me, but but I think since I've had two children It's me, but that would see that means That within the context of main mommy on this show That the term applies to being A biological mother. I know I know it's not fair because we don't first of all, we don't see gender on the show Also, men can menstruate men can have children

Right and just because I don't have breasts and I take testosterone And I like masculine traits doesn't make me a man. Right. I'm trans mask. There you go Yep, now this gets my dick hard. Who did this? Jeremy Bowden did the barista killer? Again, he has no idea how close to a reality this has been. Yeah Contrastance there too. Yeah the gold chain and the the lack of emotion Yeah, just looking back at the bodies cut up and just being like now having espresso. Yeah, yeah try to wake up I feel like going to sleep right now. Yeah, that's what they said about

What's his name? Uh the boston guy Uh the famous boston most wanted Um trying to go to sleep. No. No. No. What did he say? Why do you vote? Yeah, yeah, james whitey bolger. There's that doc on him and the guy that used to be his henchman was like Yeah, when well whitey killed somebody he would be in the best mood And he would sleep he would he would actually sleep like a full night's sleep and just wake up happy Yeah, you know, but only if he had just murdered someone with his hands Yeah

Like so and so stepdaughter he killed her and he was just so content after yeah, it's like well, that's a really nice story, man Nice Smackdown Yeah stone cold steve austin austin 316. Yeah, remember that. Oh, there you are Sergeant stolen valor. That's hilarious. That's really good. That's a really good one. Yeah, it's so dumb. Is that sergeant slaughter? Yeah, yeah And there I am by detective designs. Yours was uh, oh my deezus. Oh, oh my deezus is very prolific this one here Sorry, this was by Creighton Evansson, these are really really impressive always and um, is that the same one there guys are so amazingly talented. Yeah, all right

Anyways, these are really great. Thanks. We try to pull them from instagram and We'll pull some comments from the youtube stuff too. So Appreciate you guys taking the time to make these very talented and Yeah, I think that's it gene. Oh, okay. All right. That was a good episode. That was a lot of fun I'm sure we've just you know made a lot of people happy on this episode today We haven't inflamed any of the fans. No Angry wrestling people. I think we actually kind of calmed everybody down. Let them know

that, you know You're fucking stupid. Yeah Yeah So now we got it. You like dumb stuff. It's okay for like dumb stuff. I like cars, you know, they're not real Yeah All right. No, that was a lot of fun. This is ymh ginger justice by brian motel. See you next week gene. Bye gene They struggle out here A problem with me

This is your mom's house, you don't like it Tata there retard