Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 553 - Tony Hinchcliffe, Ron Funches, Earl Skakel, & Steve Simeone - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: May 27, 2020

Today, we get some updates on some old favorites. (Hint: Tommy John and FedSmoker!) plus Tom has been driving around in a McLaren and has been getting some interesting reactions. Tom and Christina call up Charo to make a bargain with her. We have a new cool guy and a new Fart Simpson prank call! Plus, Josh Potter delivers the news. We have a cavalcade of guests today who have taken umbrage with what Tom has had to say regarding Wrestling. Tony Hinchcliffe, Earl Skakel, Steve Simeone and Ron Funches all go toe-to-toe with “Mystic Rick” and explain why they enjoy Sports Entertainment. We get into their old favorites, why they enjoy wrestling and we get their opinion on whether or not Mystic Rick has what it takes to step into the squared circle. Enjoy or you’ll get the Turkey Slicer and a stamp on your forehead. SPONSORS: - Go to WHOOP.com and enter “YOURMOM” at checkout to save 15% - Use Code: HOUSE for 50% off 2 or more pairs at ShadyRays.com - Buy One, Get One Free. - Go to Stamps.com, click on the Microphone at the TOP of the homepage and type in MOM for a 4 week trial - ExpressVPN.com/MOM for 3 months free with a 1-year package. - Check out BlueChew.com and get your first shipment FREE when you use our special promo code [HOUSE] -- Just pay $5 shipping.

And we're back. What's up, Chomos? Don't do it as bad. Don't do it as bad. Man, we gotta, I have a real surprise for you. I got some Tommy John. I got Tommy John for you today. Don't do it as bad. Yeah.

You know. You're missing me. You're all like deadass though. He's back and I gotta tell you something. Doesn't look good. Oh no! You're kidding. What's going on with Johnny John's? I think as soon as you see the clip,

you'll know exactly what's going on. I miss him so much. Remember when he gave us that thoughtful message for July 4th last year? Yep. You gotta take your overs. Take your overs. Yep.

Yep. Yeah. Played girls and played boys. That hole over there. Oh, wrong clip. There's still a... That hole over there. Yeah. You are completely retarded.

Whoa! I'm doing it. I'm doing the... Gee. I'm doing an impression, guys. Gee. You used the owl one. Yeah.

So, it's great to be back. I gotta say, ever since last week, Nadal apologized to me. Yeah. We have been on the same level. Really? We have been vibing. Yeah, it's really good.

It's good to be... You know what I mean? To feel like that at work again. Absolutely, man. I've missed how this was. Yeah. It feels like everything's normal. And how it was is now how it is.

Right? Yeah. No, yeah. Really? And you think this is because you hashed it out with your poem? It's the power of poetry. You know, I have somebody that would have mocked that so long ago, but, you know, working with my guy to like...

He's like, channel... Channel those like violent, rageful thoughts onto the paper. And then I didn't realize... I didn't realize I actually screwed up. I wasn't supposed to read that to Nadal. I was just supposed to write it. Oh, I didn't know that. He wasn't supposed to hear it.

He wasn't supposed to hear it. That was just for you. Well, I didn't realize it at the time. He was like, you read it to him? And I was like, yeah. And he was like, oh, no, no, just write it. And then that's the exercise. I was like, oh, okay.

He goes, if you read it to him, he could probably think you're threatening him. And I was like, oh, you know. Well, that... It didn't read like that. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, that too. And maybe it would make you feel even angrier.

Yeah. But I felt fine. Now you're calm. Now I'm calm. And then to hear his, you know, was lovely. That made you feel even stronger. Oh, I felt great. Yeah.

The two of you, your bond now is strong. Yeah. Yeah. You're okay in a dom? You feel better? Like this is... I'm the happiest I've ever been. Wow.

That's awesome. Well, I'm so glad you guys worked this out. Yeah, me too. I'm so glad. I'm so happy. And I'm proud of both of you for expressing yourselves. This is a wonderful thing. Thank you.

Yeah. Well, this is going to be a great episode. I can't wait. So much to go over. So much to share with you. And nothing like getting an episode of YMH started like the late, great, Connell E. Peterson. Let's get this show on the road. Here we go, man.

Come on. Sheriff's office. What's up, brother? Oh, man. Hang on. What's up, girl? Nobody wants to talk to you. You know it.

That's the Sheriff's department. This is big time. Don't bring anyone muggin' to this. Don't bring them to the fucking stand. Welcome, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. Oh, crazy. With Tom Segura, Tom Segura.

Christina Pajitza. Christina Pajitza. Christina Pajitza. Christina Pajitza. Christina Pajitza. Christina Pajitza. Christina Pajitza. Christina Pajitza.

Welcome to your mom's house. Yeah. Oh, fed smoker. How do you get a job here, you fuck face? He has such a relationship with the Sheriff's department that the guy that answers is like, hold on a second, like passes the phone to somebody who is immediately like, God damn it, no one wants to talk to you here. He must be every day harassing the shit out of them.

I mean, can you imagine how many times you got to be calling before they're like, oh fuck this asshole again? And the sheriff who answers, he's like, fed's like, what's up brother? The guy's like, hold on man. Sheriff's office. What's up brother? Oh man, hang on. Hang on, right away.

What's up girl? Nobody wants to talk to you. You're doing your shit. What the fuck are you doing? Shit. No one wants to talk to you. You just gotta go trash somebody. You just gotta go trash somebody.

You just gotta go trash somebody. You just gotta go trash somebody. You just gotta go trash somebody. I gotta go trash somebody with my powers on record. It's pretty easy. It's like taking candy from a baby or flagging a hot chick over to you with a bag of meth. I've never heard that analogy before. Never heard either.

Flagging a hot chick over to you with a bag of meth. Well, potato, potato, tomato tits, everybody's got a different thing. Yeah. I wonder what type of hot chick is turned on by the bag of meth. A trish. Definitely a trish. Definitely a trish. Yeah.

Wow. How many girls can you go like, got some, got a bag of meth here and they're like, ooh, hold on. That is this particular kind of lady, huh? Yeah, that really is. There is definitely that lady out there who's like, whoever's got the meth. That's where I'm hanging out. You know how to kiss all the good ones, huh?

Well, if they're Twinkies not hot, I'm not whipping out nothing. I don't do meth anyways, but I'm just saying, you know, if I did, I'd sure have a lot more Twinkies. Huh? What is he showing on the screen there? I don't know. Is that a heart? It's paused somewhere.

What is that? Can you see? I don't know. It looks, it looks like something violent, like maybe, because you know, maybe it's like a video from his like DIY dentistry. Like it could literally be any of his DIY projects. Right. Yes.

That's DIY before. DIY. That might be my favorite that I forgot about. You gotta get it going, buddy. That's how you feather your hair. You gotta get it going, bud. That's the main thing down at. You gotta get it going, bud.

You know, you gotta get it going, bud. Yeah. Do you think there's ever a chill moment with women? That's the thing is like, we get to digest him in these little clips where you get to like be amused. Yeah. I empathize with the lady who's like, God damn it. Because you realize if that is calling you every day, it's emotionally exhausting.

It's so draining. It's so draining. I mean, I like really digest this. I'm exhausted at the end of Conult. I like also that he calls ladies cuchies twinkies. Is that what that meant? Yeah. I didn't understand.

She didn't have a nice twinkie. I'm not going to give her that meth. You know what's funny? And he's like, I don't do meth, though. Yeah. But I'm not a meth user. He's obsessed with the law, different colors of cars, and women's pussy smells. You'll notice that.

Remember when he put it the ad out for a housekeeper? Yeah. As long as your pussies are scurvy. As long as your twink and stink on the back of my wink. Yeah. If you don't have a scurvy pussy. Yeah. Clean this.

It must be miserable to do that much meth. I can't even see what the fun is in there. Oh, I can see the fun. I see what the fun is for sure. But man, fed smoker. Really. Intense. Intense, man.

He burned that candle at both ends. Crazy that he actually lived that long. I know. How's Jay's car running? Is he giving you a ride in it yet? No, not yet, because we don't have the passenger seat bolted in yet. What are you telling? He's exactly like me.

I don't have no seats in my car either. He's talking to a sheriff right now. Sheriff. This sheriff. Sheriff. You're going to go for a ride yet? Huh? I mean, she's actually, you know, entertaining the call.

Yeah, I tell you, I can't avoid the law enough. Like if I, even in our neighborhood, if I see a car, sheriff or police, I'm like, I was forward. Like I don't even want to engage. He's taunting. This guy who engages in criminal activity every day. He's like, let's call the sheriff real quick. Yeah.

What's up, fucko? Right. I know. Fuckface. Yeah. How do you get a job here, fuckface? Gotta get a going, bud. Oh my God.

Boy, the beauty of not having any seats in your car is that when you give a woman a ride, you're halfway there. You're already sitting in your bed. Yeah. Tell Jay, leave that seat out. You're riding a back seat. Okay. That's the way we do it at Falcon Car Wash.

So amazing. Falcon Car Wash got another shout out. Nice. That's how we do it at Falcon Car Wash. He even smokes his cigarettes aggressively. He does. He bites. He bites it.

The filter. You're not even supposed to do that. And he just lets the ash fall in his car, like on his hand. Right, he doesn't even flick his ass. He doesn't stick it out the window or anything. Such a maniac. Yeah. Smoking with the windows up.

I feel that much rage every day. Oh my God. He's had to have his adrenal glands must be shot. Of course. Of course. And also what's interesting is how people's sunglasses definitely reflect their personality, right? 100%.

Isn't that the meth user's sunglasses? Yeah. Like the aggressive guy? Yes. I'm into sports, extreme shit. That's the extreme shit guy glasses. You're either, you play center field or you're a fucking meth head for those sunglasses. That's all.

That's it. It's intense. It's two options. Yeah. Like you wouldn't ever wear those. Hell no. Because they look crazy. Yeah.

Those are fucking dork glasses. Yeah. Dork glasses. Yeah. Those are terrible. Terrible. Yeah, I used to work at Falcon Car Wash. They had no idea on how to wash a car.

The way to wash a car is to completely fill the car completely full of water. And when they're freaking out getting their car driving off, spray them down too. Guys, wait a minute. He used to work. You're such an asshole. He worked at Falcon Car Wash? Yeah. And they didn't know how to wash cars because the way you wash a car is you just fill it

up with water. And then when the people drive away, you spray them too. Oh, I heard it. You know, my four-year-old would want to do that. Yeah, it's exactly what a four-year-old would do. How do you wash a car? You put water in it and then you spray it. Thanks, man.

I almost want to call Falcon Car Wash and be like, did you employ a guy named Conald? And be like, what was he like? They would be like, please tell me he's dead. He's not back, is he? By the way, every employer, this is their nightmare story. Oh, yeah. You ever had like a crazy employee? Everybody he ever worked for was like, there was one piece of shit.

One guy. Yeah. There was the day we almost shut down. Yeah. And it's all related to him. 100%, yeah. Nightmare. I can't picture him holding down a gig for some reason.

No. I just can't picture him dealing with the public at all. All his jobs lasted like a week. Can't do anything. Eight days. That's out of his mind. He probably had a lot of like first shift firings, you know? So he's ready to work and he's like, fuck you, man.

And they're like, all right, you got to go, man. Like right away. Who hired him, though? I wonder what he was like 10 years ago. Well, you get him in one of his kind of like sedated periods. Yeah, that's probably when he gets hired. And then he shows up. You guys ready to fucking do this shit, brother?

And then they're like, oh, no. What happened to this guy? Well, I don't do math, but I kind of put a stink wink with the pink. It's a cleaner day, you know, they may not like it. But as they drive down the road, they're going to feel more refreshed. I don't know why I was ever fired from there, but I guess they didn't like me feeling their cars full of water. He is biting through that filter.

Yeah, look at the cigarettes trashed. He's biting through the filter. Yeah. That's not how you smoke a cigarette. It's not how you do it. God damn. Yeah. It looks like a piece of gum.

Like someone just nod on it. Well, is the cotton coming out? Yeah. Yeah. That's how I always know fake smokers in movies is when they do this. Uh-uh. Yeah. When I was a smoker, right?

Like, you're a smoker and a dob. Do you? Uh-uh. Smokers don't do that. Not unless it's a parliament. All right. The PFONK dump. The pilot cigarettes.

Yeah. I mean, this is. Yeah. It's a lot. What did he do? You better get it going, buddy. He decorated his ceiling even. Yeah.

I mean, the cards and skulls. Skulls everywhere. Skulls are always a good sign. It's a chill vibe in Connell's car. Just, you know, relaxed, have a little fun. He's cool to people, too. He's a cool guy. He's a nice guy.

He's such a fucking lunatic. Yeah. We had a fun. So a fun thing, a huge shout out to my friend Matt Farah, the smoking tire. He hooked me up with some PR cars. Oh boy. And I'm driving this McLaren GT, which is so, so fun. And on the way over here today, we're driving to work.

We're getting out. First, we have this complete lunatic. Anytime you drive a sports car or an exotic car, you know, some people look at it. Some people are like, what is, you know, they like cars. And then there's always the people who want to race you, you know. I didn't realize this shit. Like we're driving into work. I feel like, first of all, everyone's looking at you.

And then like you said, it definitely arouses people's interests and fuckery. I saw this lunatic, by the way. I saw him speeding up behind me, like really aggressively when we're on just side streets, you know, and leading up to the freeway. And I saw him in the rear view. I was like, this guy's driving hard. And I knew it was a Porsche, but I didn't know what kind. And then we get up to the light right before you enter the freeway.

There's a cop here. This guy goes around me, cuts off to enter the freeway. Like right next to the, you know, sheriff's department or whatever. I'm like, all right. And he's in a turbo S. So he's in a really, really fast car. And then he cuts off people entering the free, you know, on the ramp, cuts them off, drives up all the double lines to get onto the freeway.

And he, he revved as he went past. Yeah. Trying to like, you want a piece of this shit? Yeah. Like Connell. Connell was driving that car. It's nine o'clock in the morning. There's traffic.

There's a cop. What are you doing? So weird. He fucking zooms off. You know, and I can see he probably is like Connell in the car. Like, I pulled it. So that fucking was up. Just, you know, he was.

I saw him. He was a lunatic. But then we, we actually get on the freeway and I punch it. And as I punch it, we hear woo. And I was like, oh shit. I hit the brakes and I look and I don't see a cop car anywhere, like anywhere. Yeah. I'm looking in the mirror.

I'm looking left and right. And I'm like, where, where is it? And you go, maybe it's on the other side. I'm like, that doesn't really make sense though. Anyways, we keep driving and let's say a few miles. Now we're at the junction. The 405 meets the 101. We're getting on.

And as we get on, I hit it again. Woo. I'm like, fuck. So I slide and I look around and we realize it's a guy in a pickup truck who has this sirens sirens on his car that he's clearly just taunting people who he sees hit the gas. Holy fuck. He fucked with us. Yeah.

He fucked with me so hard. I'm sure that he just, he looks for people to go like, and then he's just like laughing in his car. It's so awesome. It was a good prank. I enjoyed it. My cousin and her husband bought a police car at auction. Yeah.

And you can fucking get one with like the lights and everything. I think they frown on that if you go, I'm going to try. They don't like you to do it as long as you cover up the police department logos. Oh yeah. You can't do that. But that was so much fun driving around that car with them. Now I drove a real police car in Steve Burns movie. It's an LAPD car completely with all the lights, all the buttons, the dash, everything.

So fun. And we're on a set, but the set is near the highway. And that movie is coming out. It's supposed to come out later this year. I'm sitting there with one of the PAs and I'm in full uniform and I was like, let's see what this thing can do. And he's like, if you do that here next to the highway and it affects the way someone drives on the highway, not only are you going to be in trouble, this whole production is

going to shut down. All right. Don't be a fucking asshole about it. Yeah. So they made me drive basically further into the set to fuck with it. There's no more fun feeling than having sirens. I know. The same shit that amuses a two-year-old amuses you when you're 40 with lights and sirens.

I wish we had that. How do you do that? And I was doing the, you know, doing one of those. That's the most fun one to do. I know. I kind of wish I had them. We should get like a scanner in the car too. Yeah.

To find out where the heat is. You know, my dad used to listen to the police scanner all the time. Those guys always struck me a strange. Well, yeah. Yeah. My dad would. And this is when we lived in the residue. We lived in Van Nuys.

Scanner guys. Yeah. And my dad would listen to it on the can. And then it was terrifying to hear, like, pshh, what on earth. To a little girl. You're like, oh my God. I don't even understand how do you get to the point where that's enjoyable though. My dad, I don't know how.

I know. 127 counting. Like what? And also. You enjoy that? And it's not like my dad knew the codes. So you don't even know what they're going for. It's not like the internet where you can Google the codes.

Yeah. Yeah. I just wanted to hear the action. I'm like, this is fucking weird. I made him build white male. Yeah. And my dad, he'd be like, there's a guy robbing a bank down the street. I'm like, you really want to know all this shit right now?

How does that feel? Does that feel good, dad? Yeah. Dads love scanners. Yeah. I'm surprised your dad didn't get into scanners. My dad, I called my dad. I said, I'm driving this crazy fun car.

He's like, you got, ah, you got a radar detector? I'm like, no, he's like, get one of those. I'm like, okay. Yeah. He goes, see if somebody can install it for you. And he just goes off whenever, you know, this way you avoid police detection. I'm like, I know how radar works. You don't have to tell me what it does.

In that way. He goes, in Los Angeles, there's probably someone that does that. You guys got someone for everything. No shit. A major city has something for everything, huh? Just call a guy and say, are you familiar with radar detectors? I would like you to install one in my vehicle. What?

Do you think that our parents were always retarded or that, that as people get older, they get dumber? Like I feel like, are we going to be this way to our children too? Or are we already done it? You know what I mean? Yeah. Was she always like that? And now you're just noticing it because now you're an adult and you're like, well, yeah,

duh. You got to get it going, bud. I don't know. I don't know. I think, I think as, as we all get older, we eventually, you know, your capacity to process new things diminishes. And then, you know, you talk to any older person about technology. It's evident.

We will be that one day. Like you can't imagine the technology that will be available and you'll be talking to somebody much younger and they'll be like, oh, fucking unreal to talk to this person. Yeah. They can't even sink their brain to their phone. And you're like, I just want to go to the bathroom. You know? But I do remember my mother having dumb suggestions like, why don't you write a letter to Ellen?

Yeah. And then you can be on her show. No, here's the thing. Nobody understands show business outside of show because I've gotten that suggestion. Like your immigrant mother suggested it. As did mine. As did my dad. Okay.

As did my uncle and they were just like, my dad was like, you know, why don't you call Jay Leno. Just call him up and tell him you like cars too. Yeah. You know, that's exactly the advice my parents would give me too. You know, as you know, she said to me one time when I was writing for Chelsea handler, she would go, did you know that opera is also hiring? And I was like, hiring what?

Like a dog walker job at Chelsea. Like why? But you know, on the, on her website, she says she is hiring. Okay. Yeah. You cannot discuss anything. You should wear a tool belt when you tell your jokes. And then you have jokes about the different tools on your belt.

That was her suggestion to me. I swear to God. To do stand up. To do stand up. This is when I first, first started and I was stupid enough to, to like ask for their advice. My stepdad and my mom, which was so dumb. I had a tool belt.

And then you make jokes. You have a hammer. You have the screwdriver. You have your room. Did you know immediately how fucking dumb that was? Of course. And I also derivative. At the, at the time there was a little known comic named Tim Allen who had a very successful

show. Yeah. And he had a show called tool time on the sitcom where he baited that. Did you throw that in her face? Yeah. I was like, well, so what? Yeah. You do it.

That's Tim Allen shtick. I can't do tool belt. You should have said to her. Imagine a pig with tits. Speaking of pig with tits, you know, this quarantine has definitely given me an appreciation for the mail and for, I get very excited now when parcels are coming. I check the delivery schedule and I ordered Josh's tit cups about a week and a half ago and I've been vigilantly checking the schedule for it to arrive and it came and I'm so fucking

excited. That's exciting. So the next episode, we will implement the new tit cups and these are fucking medical grade. I saw them. They look nothing like the ones he had on the other day. These are legit norm approved tit cups. These are varsity cups.

Varsity. With like a machine. Yeah. It's basically like if Josh was sitting here and I was going like that. And I've been getting a lot of DMs and a lot of comments that it's Josh's hair that might be impeding the ability of the cup to suction and these new ones, these don't, these don't see hair. These jump right over here.

There's no slowing these down. And it's a machine. It plugs in and the cups are made of glass. It is legit AF. It costs a lot of money. So I can't wait for this. You guys are not going to be disappointed when you see these tit cups. You've been impressed by Norm's tits.

Wait till you see what we do with Josh. The whole white baby, bruh. The whole white baby, bruh. The fidra highway. The fidra highway, bruh. The whole white baby. That's the best. If you have not experienced this, I'm telling you, I know it's a tough sell for some people.

But if you go to YouTube and you go to my page, Tom Segura, I've been doing these podcasts in Spanish every few weeks. It helps me stay on top of it. And you know, I was touring in Spanish before the world stopped. So twice now I've had my mom on and it is remark. You have no idea. I'm telling you, she is funnier than 99% of comedians we know. And in this last one, if you look up the last one, you can turn on closed captioning.

Everyone's like, I wish there were subtitles. There are. Turn on closed captioning. And you can read along. But she is so shameless in her desires for material things from me. And she's just like, buy it, just give it to me. Oh my God. So she starts that episode.

She goes, thank you for the iPad Pro that you sent me. And I'm like, I don't know what you're doing. And she's like, you're the best son in the world. And I'm like, stop it. And then we would talk and then throughout the she goes, tell me you're going to send me the iPad Pro. I'm like, Mom, no, I just sent her like through another guilt thing, a fucking super high end espresso maker.

Like this is last month. She goes, I'm bored. You send me one of your nice coffee makers. And I was like, and she kept doing this thing where I was like, fine. First I actually did send her a $9 coffee maker, which is like a filter. And I just and she sent me a video that she was like, you are a piece of shit. You are a piece of shit. That was fun.

But then I sent the really nice one. And I was like, you know, yeah, it's nice. I'm spoiling my mother. The next month, she's like, how about the iPad Pro? It's his next month. The next month. How much is that iPad Pro? I mean, it's over $1,000 for fun.

And she's not even doing anything on it. What is she doing? Well, she's like, I did your podcast. I'm like, Mom, you're my mom. Yeah, you're supposed to do that stuff. Right. Like you should just be like, oh, you're my son, of course. She's like, I gave you this great podcast.

You didn't give me $7,000, which was her fee. For appearing on a podcast, $7,000. Like, where do you come up with that number? She's like, I don't know. So anyways, she has been harassing me, right? And so, yeah, I mean, she's, yeah, she tried to get you on her side. Shameless. Right?

Yeah, she asked me to, she's like, I want to talk to Nadal. Yeah. Nadal. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, hello. And she's like, tell me going to get me an iPad Pro, right? And I was like, for what? And she's like, for the fee for the podcast.

So like, we never pay the podcast, you know, it's like an exchange of stuff. And then she's like, you're supposed to be on my side. I was like, look, I'm always going to be Team Tom. There's nothing that's going to take me off of Team Tom. There we go. I'm a company man. Yeah, we're friends. Yeah.

Best friends. She kept, she, she sent me these long messages via text and then sent like a gift of someone praying. Oh my God. And it was like, please, please. So I just sent her gifts of people crying, you know, like, and she was like, you are mean. You guys have such a, now I'm putting it together. What's going on here?

Really? Yeah. It's so complicated. She facetime me. I was with Ellis. And she's like, Ellis, tell dad to give me iPad. And then I whisper into Ellis's ear and then he goes, why are you so old? And she's like, and then I go, tell her, and then he goes, you're too old for iPad.

And she's like, tell your father, he is too mean. He's like, do you have something else for me to say? He likes to do it. Yeah. And he's like, what else should I say? We trained him early. The first time he could really say stuff to her, we were like, you're old or when are you going to stop drinking so much?

Whole white baby, bruh. That's my whole white baby. It's fascinating that she starts this campaign to get stuff. It's a full campaign of guilt. Yeah. She knows how to get you. She knows how to get you. Because you want to know what?

Guilt. I bought her the iPad Pro. Of course. She hasn't, it hasn't arrived yet. I didn't tell her because she's been like, she goes, tell me it's coming. I go, no, it's not. And then I took from Toy Story, there's Forky, and he's got these big bubbly like eyes, you know, it's like all plastic stuff.

I took one of those and I put it on a notepad and I go, it's an iPad and I showed her that. I'm like, send you one of these, you know, just to be a dick. But I actually, I bought her the iPad Pro. It's on the way to her because a lot of people were like, are you going to do it? Yeah. Yeah. And then I engraved on the back, it says, la reina de los pedos, which means the queen of the farts.

So she'll be like, this is nasty to put on my iPad. I have an idea though. What? An exchange. Okay. You're going to end up buying this stuff for her regardless. Why don't we get a piece of merch out of it every time? Do you understand?

Like, so it pays for it. Like the mug, I think that we should use this iPad as currency. Good idea. To get the mug. The dead person mug is one that has been forbidden to show the audience. It's in our house. It's in our house and I sent it to her too. So my mother passed out on our couch and she looks dead.

She looked dead. We took a picture and we put it on a mug and then we drank out of it and we sent it to her and she was like, do you know that it looks like I am a corpse? And I was like, yeah, that's the whole fun part of it. Well, because you took that picture over Christmas two years ago and then I was like, I make mugs of the family and so, anyway, we put it on just a mug without like a caption. Nothing. Without anything.

It's just the photograph and it's so perfect because people come over and they're like, is that a dead lady on here? What is that? I'm like, that's my mom out of her memorial. And I've been trying to get this as a piece of merch now for two years. Yeah, she rejects it hard. And she will not. And now we should be able to, I should be like, you keep asking for shit.

Well, let me tell you something. Before that shit gets delivered, that iPad, I say we negotiate the mug. I should call her. Call her right now. Okay. Let's get her on the phone. Let's negotiate the steal before when do they deliver that iPad? Shit.

You're right. You just lost your leverage, Tom. I know. Why don't you call? I see. Because we'll know if it's been delivered yet because she will be... No, she would have called you already. Yeah, exactly.

Oh, my sweet, my sweet boy. That's not the time you have leverage with her. She never answers. I know. We're going to have to call your dad. So why don't you just call your dad first if you know she's never going to answer. Call your dad. Or call the house line.

Here. Here. See this one. Call. I miss them. I wish they could come visit. I know. There's so much fun.

How did I learn the secret to your mom is just getting her drunk and buying her panettone? We get along so well. Hello? Hey, man. Dad. Hello? Hey, dad. Hey, buddy.

How you doing? Good, good. Hey, by chance. Is mom near you by any chance? She's playing bridge. Oh, fuck. For fuck's sake with the goddamn bridge. It's important.

This is important. Hold on. Let me see if she, but she, she still has to play kids live. You understand? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just see if she'll say anything.

Okay. Hold on. Don't you wish I wish my dad had that much excitement when I called him. You can say one thing. I know you are. Hold on. Copy she's here. Hey, mom.

Mom. I have a great idea. You know the mug of coffee, the coffee mug that has your picture where it looks like you're dead? I'm telling you, I wanted to sell that too. Can we sell that? Oh my God. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Pretty iPad. And then you definitely get an iPad pro. How soon do I get it? I'll put a, I'll put a rush order on it. No, no. This is with price to me.

To just put me that low and present you my baby. Before God has taken it, can I get my iPad like in two days? I have to put pressure if he's showing me that, I'm ugly. Okay. Hold on. Yes. Tell her yes. You can get it.

Rush order. Yeah. Okay. Tell her yes. It's a rush order. Let me see. I can, look how long I'm getting and you don't give a shit. Yeah.

When I say pro for an iPad pro, your wife gets dead and probably believe me, you're alive every day. Okay. I will send it ASAP. I will send it ASAP. Yes. I swear to me. I swear to you.

I will put a rush order on it. I'm a witness. We should have come with a typewriter with everything on it. Yeah. I cannot get any lower. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Typewriter will come with it. Deal. Deal. Deal. Deal. Yes. All right. It's going to be awesome.

Yeah. Yeah. You put me low. No. Low. Listen. Listen. Listen.

Listen. I am getting you what you want. You want the iPad. No. I'm figuring out a way to make it happen. High price. You're giving me what I want at the most ridiculous embarrassing Hollywood second. I'm playing Christian.

You're screwing me up. Okay. We'll let you go. We'll let you go. Yeah. Go play. Go play. Okay.

I get it in two days. Okay. I'm putting the rush order on it. I don't know exactly how fast it comes. Oh my God. What is coming? You don't really do it. I'm on a foodie Facebook page.

Okay. Okay. Okay. I'll call you later. Have a good game. Bye. Yes. Yes.

We did it. That's so exciting. You don't understand. This has been two years in the making. Yes. This is legit. And I just gave you that mug this morning. To drink out of.

Yeah. It's amazing. We love it. And it's the joke of the house. And now. It's pretty great. We're going to get to make it. Yeah.

We have to find the original photograph. I know. Fuck. It's been a while. It's so cool. It is really great. We have to find that photograph. Speaking of that, by the way.

Fuck. There's a bit of a. Oh God. Refreshment on the merch page. If you go to merchmethod.com. Slash Tom Segura. I know. I know.

I know. I know. I know. We took down a bunch of designs and we put up a bunch of new ones. So there's a bunch of new stuff there. Check it out. Try it out. See what you like.

There's YMH stuff, Thickboy Nation stuff. It's all there. There's I'm the main mommy. The main mommy stuff. The seeker. It's all there. I got more cool mom shirts and also check out where my mom's at if you're interested. 10 milligram Tom is there.

It's all good. 10 milligram Tom. Speaking of. Hard name mom. Of that. Here's an example. I can't believe we got the mug. That's some are saying.

We have to find this photo now. Do you know where it is Tommy? I don't know where it is. I will find it though. I will find it. I've uploaded to that site that I made the mug on. You know a lot of people have accused you of stolen valor but some are saying that I could be accused of it.

I just went to a Starbucks. I had on this police department hat and the lady behind the counter was like what would you like and I think I said like so I latte. I was like I'll bring up my friend. He ordered something and then she charged like two dollars and I was like you didn't you didn't charge me the whole thing and she was like oh no we appreciate your service as a police officer and I was like and you know what I did okay acted like it was my hat.

Wow. That's embarrassing. That's from episode 224 of your mom's I remember now where I don't say where I got the hat because I don't want them to get in trouble but I got that it's my favorite hat at the house. Yeah yeah I got the hat and somebody was I just wore it because I remember when they gave it to me they were like oh you know it's obviously for you but you know don't wear it don't yeah be careful when you wear it in public.

I stopped wearing it because I was wearing it on walks when we lived in Redondo. She really liked the hat. I love the hat. And by the way I told her that story and she was like I want to get free coffee. So I started to wear the hat in Redondo when we lived there and people did treat me with a lot of respect and I really liked it and I would walk down the beach and like the beach patrol would be like yep like they give me a nod and I was like oh shit. Good to see another good person.

Yeah I was like oh damn but no we don't wear the hat anymore because we have kids now and yeah it's not cool to teach them that stuff. So but here's a you know I do wear my cooling hat a lot. Pendulum swings one way or the other so there's another clip here. How many people have you killed? How many people haven't I killed. That's a question I've heard. By the way you don't just ask.

Oh really I'm sorry I haven't been in the Marines in 10 years. You were in the Marines. I could feel that. I could see that. What. Climbing you were in the Marines. Well yeah but it was a long time ago babe. But that's a different time.

That's stolen valor. Desert storm. I don't like to talk about it babe with painful memories. We have a number of things that we need to take a look at. I don't know this just says beware so I don't know what this is. Let's take a look. I know. I don't like it.

What you are looking at is my sperm. Oh. It's about 50 or 60 jerk offs. Took about six months to do this. I'm going to make something out of it. I'm not too sure what but I want it all to dissolve and melt so I can work with it. Oh my God. Doesn't it look yummy.

This is a life at its best. This is fucking Norm. Stop it. My love is burned. Do not throw it. Why waste it on a pussy. Is this fucking Norm. Make money.

Is this Norm again. Stop barfing. I can't. I really can't. I can't. Oh my God. This is too much. Oh my God.

Who is this. This is not Norm is it. Is it Norm. I'm seeing stars right now. This is not Norm but remember when I sent you guys a picture the other day of saying Zolo has figured out how to prep clips that make him want to throw up. Yeah. This was the one he was working on.

I think I can't do this one. Can we go forward. This one is really bad. I really can't. We're back fans. I don't think so. I got to tap out of that. Now I have it under heat to try to melt it or dissolve it a little quicker.

Looks pretty yummy. Stop. Stop barfing. Stop coughing. I don't like it. I don't like it. And we shall return. Stop it.

Stop. Stop. Stop. I'm done. I don't like it. I don't like it. Oh my God. So what about this makes you feel uneasy.

Dude come on. What the fuck. I actually have a surprisingly easy time with this. Really. Does it. He said same. Yeah. Same with Potter.

I mean because I think with the. What about any. Oh and he's having a real rough time right now. This. Well because the Poutine was just like there's no way you could trick yourself into thinking it's something else. Yeah. Come in.

We're almost there. So what does he make. He's. He's. I mean I don't really want to spoil. Okay. We are back. And here we have it right here.

I made two. Oh it's fucking baloney in the mold of nipples. Oh. There we go. Oh what is wrong with this one. What is he making. I don't understand Tom. Nipples.

Yeah. He's making sperm nipples. What. They're just nipple molds made of his jizz. Mm-hmm. This is. You wouldn't buy that. Vomit inducing.

Yeah. This is like. Like that. Anyways fans. There we are. Tornetta's sperm. And I have these ones here I had already made for a while. Oh look at his place.

I posted these ones here. All these three here that have been hanging for about a year. Okay. They're still available. Oh good. Available. Available guys. You can still find these on Amazon.

But these ones are special. Okay. So they're fresh. Okay. Anyways fans. Fans. Take care. There's no fans.

Have a lovely day. There's no fans. Ta ta. This is Tornetta. Isn't it crazy that that guy lives indoors. Yeah. Like that. Yeah.

You hear what he does. You see what he does. And he has a place. Yeah. He's a person. You know what this reminds me of a silence of the lamps. Yeah. When he's making his lady suit.

This is exactly the kind of person that does this stuff. Oh. She's a great fat person. Yeah. Oh wait a minute. She's great. Yeah. Rebecca Bammell.

She was a big girl. Oh yeah. I remember her. Oh. Yeah. I hate him. I hate this. This is darker to me than Poutine.

Can I tell you why. This is darker than Poutine because there's no joy in this. This is pure creep. Poutine was a joyful experience. He was having fun. This guy's not having fun. This guy is like channeling his dark rage. Yeah.

This is bad. I like it. This is like serial killers. Good job. I don't like it. I don't like this shit. Oh. Fuck man.

That's so gnarly. That was really tough. Speaking of gross things. Look at this. Have you seen this. I don't like that either. Okay. I'm going to fucking throw up.

He's pulling a condom. He's launching it. Well I do it. What is happening. What is happening. You can't handle vomit stuff. No it's not. No it's pretty cool.

This one's pretty cool. It's not cool. Yeah. She's fine. I'm not looking. He's trying to get it down. Just tell me what's happening. I don't want to.

This lady's like what is that. And then he's like it's good. No tell me the truth. It's almost done. Is it pukey. I don't like puke stuff baby. You know I don't like it. No.

She's sick. She feels sick. Well what's happening. Tell me. She's coughing. It's over. It's over. What did she try to eat sperm right.

Yeah. She tried to eat it. It was from the condom and they like did what's it called. You know. Sling shot. Sling shot. Sling shot. Yeah.

What are you wrong with you guys. Where are you finding this stuff. We just have the best fans in the world. I really do. That was great. I don't I don't know why but sperm gets get sperm is intolerable. Poopoo fine. Yeah.

I can wish someone eat poopie all day. Yep. But jizz. It's a lot right. It's a lot. Let's shift speed here. Thanks. Let's find someone who's a little more chill.

I need a drink again. Hello to everybody in the universe. My name is Randy Barnes from one. I love women. I love women's all my heart. I love talking to women. I love getting pictures from women. Friend questions from women.

Friend questions from women. What? Number two. Friend questions. If you are a dude do not send me a friend question. Do not send me pictures. Do not ask me to be your friend. I do not like talking to other guys.

I am not gay. Women are only allowed to send me friend questions and talk to me. Friend questions. If you try to use a female page and you're a dude I will find you find out. I know how to find that out. And if I find out you're a dude you will be reported and blocked women only. I like being friends with women only. Have a blessed day.

Okay. So far you're getting the picture of what's up? Yeah. What kind of dude it is? Got it. Alright. So that's daytime Randy. And then things take a turn at night.

Who's up right now? It's horny as hell like I am. If you are up in horny send me a invite to talk to you. Alright. Cool guy club. It's a cool video to post where it's barely visible in pitch black darkness. You just see a faint face. Are you horny right now?

Yeah. And girls love to be talked to like that too. Yeah. I'm horny. Who's up right now in horny as fuck? Yeah. Girls are not courted generally. It's horny as hell like I am.

But that is the common denominator of the cool guy is to have poor visibility. Yeah. No. It's why he got the full solo treatment. You know. He earned it. He totally earned it. Yeah.

It's really cool. Oh man. He's so cool. Oh this is amazing. He's the coolest. So as many of you know we got some heat from the wrestling world a few weeks ago. Did we? Yeah.

I guess we were talking some shit. We were talking some shit. And we're going to get into a whole bunch of wrestling stuff. Oh God. But the great Fart Simpson. Fart Simpson has done amazing amazing stuff for us phone calls. He's now putting these phone calls on his IG. I want to make sure I give it the correct.

Yeah. Fart Simpson is one of the most gifted prank callers of all time. Amazing. So if you go on Instagram Fart underscore Simpson underscore prank calls is where he's now posting these and he really I'm telling you he's done some incredible ones for our show. He's done them for other shows as well. Here is his latest it's me.

It's Tom calling a wrestler to talk about my my fandom with the world of it's it's it's fantastic. Hello. Hey. Hello. Hey. My name is Tom. It's my brother Norman's birthday today and he is just absolutely obsessed with wrestling.

Oh. Okay. Could he talk to you on the phone and just talk to a real wrestler for just a minute. Maybe you can wish him a happy birthday. Yeah. Absolutely. Oh cheers man. That's awesome.

Hold on one sec. I'll get him. Hey Norman. I got a surprise for you on the phone. Hey how's it going man. Hey Norman. This is a gift and I hear it's your birthday. Yeah.

I'm happy. How are you coping now with quarantine. You know what I'll be honest with you. It's not good. Yeah. This is real. You know we can't we can't do what we love right now so it's a it's a bad deal. All the wrestling fans out there are really cool.

Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely man. We definitely missed them. I think wrestling is pretty amazing. I would agree with that. You know I've been I've been around for quite a while now and you know it's it's not like anything else.

I have such a soft spot for Rick Flair. Yeah. Absolutely. You gotta love the nature boy. You gotta love the nature boy. Although I was always I was always a Ricky Steamboat fan though. Of course. He's so good.

For sure. For sure. They're real fights. These are not just stunt people. I agree not everybody thinks that but I definitely I definitely you know it's it's as much of you have to be as much of an athlete to be a wrestler as you do any other sport. Yeah. It's the real sport.

They're completely not gay. For sure. And I think you're a pretty amazing wrestler. Oh there's a there's a lot of people a lot better than me but I appreciate that. You see Smackdown. You know what I don't have cable so I don't I don't get to watch Smackdown. Man did you see the undertaker. They grabbed a chair.

Man. I never thought we would see the day that the Bass Brothers would hold the belt. Right. Right. Wrestling is so amazing. I love wrestling. Good. I don't think I've ever shared with you my Rick Flair story.

Okay. What's the Rick Flair story? So when I was nine we left Cincinnati and we moved to Minneapolis. And one of the people I played Pee Wee football with was David Flair. One day we were at one of our Pee Wee games and somebody goes oh hey Rick Flair's here. That's crazy. And we look and there's a white limousine at a Pee Wee football game. And there's a dude in a full length mink coat.

We're like that's Rick Flair and they're like yeah that's David's dad. Wow. So amazing. He's not been an active wrestler in how long. Oh man. At least five years. I don't know man. At least.

But you know. What. I feel like when people talk about wrestling they could be talking about sloppy hanging balls. Okay. Come step in the ring with me and find out. I'll pass on that. You're a fucking idiot.

I mean you know that's all personal opinions. We got to explore our options here because I really want you to grow some nice tits. Oh I got a pretty good. I got a pretty good pair right now. All right. Anything else. Fuck. Wrestling.

All right. You're way too stupid. I love when somebody's scared. I'd like to apologize. I lost my temper. Holy shit. Bart Simpson knocked it out of the park. I love when he...

I think that wrestling is very cool like those jump edits. I love when he gets the other person to laugh and then you laugh harder. It's so dumb. It's amazing. It's so funny. Thank you, fart. And I love how he gets in the homosexual stuff. Always.

You get big balls. Big balls. I don't know. It's amazing. He's like, I think my tits are big enough. Yeah, it's big. It's big news and we should explore a little more news right now. Maybe we can have our buddy Potter jump in.

Excuse me. How you doing, man? How's it going? How about that call? That was great, huh? Oh, that was fantastic. I enjoyed that quite a bit. He does a great job.

Well, Potter, you're such a news junkie. Yeah, I was taking a gander at the headlines. I thought I'd share some with you. Yeah. I'll see what you think here. Yeah. Love to. So people have been traveling great distances to get haircuts.

One gentleman traveling 600 miles to get his haircuts. 600 miles? I would. You really think so? Yeah, I'll tell you why. I've had the same guy doing my hair. Alan Martinez, shout out for the last 20 years, I would go to the ends of the earth for this guy.

Because I'll tell you what, it's so hard to get. Can I tell you something? To get blonde, right? Can I tell you something? So hard to get a blonde. Phoenix is 400 miles from here. Sure, worth it. Alan Martinez, I love you, homie.

What's up, homie? So you'd go to Phoenix to get a haircut? From Alan, yeah. I would because I'm telling you, I've had my haircut done by other people. When I was in college and when I was in London, and it was garbage, it's so hard to find Alan. I would do it.

I would do it. You know me, I'm loyal. I definitely feel like there's nothing, I've been doing it at home. Before the quarantine. Yeah, but I mean, yeah, but I'm saying, I like having someone do it, but traveling. This fucking TikTok is a guy.

And he drove 600 miles. That's insane. To get a bowl cut, what was it doing? That's insane. I mean, no, of course you don't do that. For a guy, I think that's wrong. Listen, I get tin foil, I got blonde. Yeah, what could this guy, what could the haircut look like?

What kind of haircut could it have been? Then again, Mark Davis, the owner of the Raiders. Is that the guy with the... Yeah. Well, that's what I'm saying, was this guy getting a bowl cut? Yeah, you're right. Because he would travel, I think, a few hundred miles for his haircut. Yeah, he would go to the ends of the earth to get that.

In his minivan, in his Dodge caravan. Oh, he's one of those where he's like, Warren Buffett drives a Sonata. Right. Or whatever. Right, right. Stupid. Fucking dumb rich people that don't use their money.

Asshole. Just spend your money on cool stuff. Also, Eddie Haskell died. I wish I looked up the guy's real name. I feel bad that I didn't, but Eddie Haskell's dead. Did you ever get called that when you were a kid? No, I didn't get that. You ever have kids in your school?

I remember kids in my school would teach you would be like, that guy's a real Eddie Haskell. Yeah. For being a little... Like a little shit. Yeah. It's from Leave It to Beaver. He's original shit.

He's original douchebag. Little menace. Yeah. By the way, have you cut your hair? No, not once. Not once. So you have quarantine hair? Oh, yeah, baby.

I look like the fucking Joker. I'm like, all I have are negative thoughts. And you've trimmed your beard at all or no? I've trimmed my beard once. But the hair is pretty wild. Yeah, dog. Are you going to... You're not going to cut it till it's over?

I told myself I wouldn't cut it until I had a set scheduled. Wow. Yeah. Which right now is November. September. So... That's the first set? That's the first show I have scheduled.

But set-wise, I mean, I'll do it for... I'll shave it when I get to do an open mic or whatever. So... You guys take a picture of it before you shave it? Oh, I have plenty of pictures. Okay. I've been taking along the way. None of them are for release yet.

Did you hear this? The Army, because they can't go to schools and recruit people, they've been using their eSports team to go on to Call of Duty and recruit kids. So, we'll have an Army full of fat retards coming up here in the next couple of years. Hope we're not going to have any wars on schedule because I don't really want those folks fighting. I agree. A bunch of fat nerds fighting in the... Maybe they need to go like private pile.

Now, wait a minute, though. Wait a minute. Because I... I mean, I know you're a big eSports advocate. Oh, yeah, but they shouldn't be fighting for our brother. You want me out there on the front line? Yeah. That's a good point.

I had an Army recruiter guy come like try and recruit me or he did it by phone one time. Uh-huh. And I was like, oh, yeah, sure. I'm into it. You know, I act it all into it. And then he goes, have you had any surgeries on your eyes? I go, oh, yeah. And then he got suddenly disinterested.

Oh, he did? Yeah, very disinterested. I was like, but I want to be in the Army. In details. You're like, I have this and I had that. Yeah. I gave him all the details. And he was like, well, we're not interested anymore.

So the few, the proud, the obese. We're going to have that going on in the air for you. Did you watch the... You're a great newsman. You're the best. Yeah, yeah. Why can't you have a job at CNN? I would get fired pretty quick.

You guys hear this? You guys want my opinion, right? You could start your news hour with... You guys hear this? What's fucking shit happening right now? I would love it. Today, Twitter is celebrating the 75th birthday of Pete Townsend from The Who. Cool.

Also noted pedophile. Like, why haven't we... Why are we celebrating... You know, I've heard this before. It's not a thing you hear. He was arrested for a computer full of kiddie porn. I didn't know that. How does that get let go?

I don't know. The Who sucks too. It's not like it's... I mean, if it was the Beatles, I'd be like, all right, maybe let's let them go. I don't think with the fucking Who that it warrants... You're saying they're like... Blossing over. They're like a fifth tier...

Man. This is like over a decade ago. No, the... Right? The child porn, I think it was like 2012 or something like that. Okay, so... It was on my birthday. I didn't know that.

I didn't know that. He was genuinely... I remember that too, and that it was... You know, you're like, oh, this guy's going down, and then nothing's ever happened. You are forgiven. Isn't that a Who song? I was trying to think of a Who song to make a joke, and I can't even do it right now. I don't know.

Let's see, what are one of their dumb songs? I actually don't mind. Pinball Wizard, I don't even know how that goes. Baba O'Reilly. They're all dog shit, and this fucking guy's got a whole computer full of kiddie porn, and we're all like, he's British, so he's weird, you know? Oh, is that why? I guess.

But maybe the Brits deal with that sort of thing differently, because their system's different. It's... You're not... Is it? You're guilty. It's the kiddies, like that. Hey, if she's over 18, it's gross. He says, outcome, you can't look at a little kid naked.

They might. They might have laws that, like, you can jerk off to kiddie porn. It's fine. You think that's in the laws there? I don't know. I might. You can wank your bean. To our UK fans.

You can wank off to a kid. Yeah, let us know what kind of video rules are in the UK. Can you drop us a line about how, over there, you guys are like, you can jerk off to it, for sure. You can have it on your computer as long as you ain't doing it in real life. That was a really good accident. I don't know. I was reading my next thing here for you. He says, you can't be who's y'all.

Compute. Okay. Frenchies on your cable. Did you watch the final episodes of The Last Dance yet? Yes. What a wonderful, and what a revelation that came up in the final episodes of The Last Dance. We learned that Michael Jordan's famous flu game was actually food poisoning. By the way, there's a big controversy about, like, now they're like, do you believe it?

Do you think the guys poisoned it? You know, to get food poisoning, it doesn't have to be poison in the food. I don't know why nobody is talking about the fact they're like, do you think that they poisoned it? Like, I've gotten food poisoning from all different things. I don't think anybody put poison in it. And how obvious, I mean, the way that they painted the picture, the way Michael painted the picture, he's like, there were all these dudes standing around the pizza looking at it when they delivered it. But then, like, right before that, Michael Jordan told the story about one of the players on the bullets that he was facing,

and he made up a thing where he goes, he said nice game to me sarcastically, and I used that and I scored all the points he scored in the first half. And he made it up completely, so I was like, how do we believe anything? Well, what do you think happened that game for real? Which game? The flu game. I don't think, I think he was sick and he played well, you know? I mean, it's nothing more than that, we don't have to treat him like he's a fucking...

You know what else, did this bother you about the, like, when, once it had aired and everything? Yeah. All these people were like, you know, Mike, he could have been nicer. And, like, one guy wrote an article, like, one thing we learned is that you don't have to be a bully. Oh, my goodness. And I'm like, what a queef. Exactly, I'm like, what a fucking... To me, it was just like, you know, I admire, like, how dedicated this guy was, his work ethic, and that he was a sat...

I admire it. You're like, he should have been nicer. Yeah, I love his grudge. I love the grudge, I love revenge, all that stuff. But you know what I admired more? That is the gumption of the Utah Jazz fans for trying to poison his pizza. Yeah, that's great. You know what I used to do?

When the Patriots were playing the bills, I used to know what hotel they would stay in. And I would orchestrate early mornings, I was doing morning radio. I would orchestrate people going and parking in the parking lot and making their car alarms go off at early hours. Wow. I didn't go as far, some people went as far as to pull the fire alarms in their hotels at early mornings. Yeah, I never did that because that's a crime. That's real fandom. Yeah, but I respect it.

Yeah, but like, the people who are now saying like, but Michael, he said nasty things and he wasn't always nice to everybody. He punched a nice guy. Yeah, it's like, well, yeah, he's a psychopathic competitive athlete. Yeah, this whole idea that people's feelings can't be hurt anymore is just absurd. Well, so what? And then all, by the way, all the people who are like, he didn't have to be, they have no rings. They have no championship. Right, they're not winners, goddammit.

Yeah, exactly. They're all crybaby, you know, losers. Like, you know, to be a champion and they're like, well, you could win a championship, but still be nice. Name one. Yeah. Name one. Nice guy that won a championship. Good, good, good point, Potter.

Because I can put a fucking black eye on any of them if you ask me. But along the lines of basketball, LeBron was, he was on a live stream because all these players are bored out of their fucking minds right now. And they're going on these live streams and they're divulging some secrets. And LeBron seems to think back when the NBA was locked out, there was kind of a joke going around that he would join the NFL as a tight end. Yeah. And LeBron went on a live stream saying that that was a serious consideration. Oh, really? That he was just going to play tight end in the NFL.

Geez. Don't you think he would have fucking gotten smoked? Like, that would have never been a thing. That's not like a, that's not a sport you can transition to. Unless you are just such a remarkable out of this world. Yeah, but the contact, the other, the another... The contact would be, the contact would be the, like, the big adjustment. But don't forget, like, we're talking about someone who's 6'8 and, you know, 260 with, like, all muscle and has a 40-some inch verdict.

Like, I'm saying that his speed... The first time JJ Wad hits him, he's dead. I don't know. He doesn't, he's not used to hitting, getting hit like that. He's not used to getting hit, but also... I thought I was preposterous. I can't believe you're siding with LeBron. I think, I think he's such a remarkable athlete that he could, he could almost do anything that you, like, you know, he might not become an all-star in every sport,

but he's so, he's such a freak that I think he could be like, yeah, I'm going to start playing tennis. I'm just going to walk. Well, tennis is not NFL football. I know. I'm making the example of any sport. I'm saying... You could play baseball, maybe, or something. And maybe tight end is crazy, but I mean, wouldn't you like to see him try a bunch of positions?

No, I would love to see him try. I mean, imagine that, dude. Don't get me wrong. I'd love to see... Hey, we're going to throw it up in the corner. You go ahead and just jump up and get it. Yeah. I'll throw it about 16 feet in the air.

But he's not just to a giant man... That's true. ...destroying him when he makes that catch. When you watch someone play basketball, we have really no comprehension of just how strong is that guy. I think he's probably freakishly strong. Sure. Right? Like, if he were to grab you like this, he could probably throw most grown men through a fucking window, I'm sure.

Of course. So, I don't know. I just think he's not used to that type of contact, and he was silly for making that statement. But anyhow, speaking of silly statements, Obama did some graduation commencements. Yeah. Did you notice that? And I just thought it would be funny if they made Obama say all the names of everyone who's graduating. Like, he's got to sit on there and just read them all.

He's like, okay. Sarah Handley. And he's got to fucking sit there and do it. That's a pretty... For a very quick impression, that's pretty good. That's my Obama. Well, today... He's finally...

We're in this election year, and Trump's been sassing him for three and a half years. And he's been fucking... Kite. He's been quiet. What's that shit? It's kite flying in the... It's kite surfing or whatever. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Shit. He's like, I don't give a shit. And now he's like, these guys are a joke. The administration is they're lying? Now they're sassing each other. We've never seen it. I got off my skidoo. President's shitty talking.

Yeah. Got off my skidoo to tell you Trump sucks. I'm gonna go back on my skidoo. I'm gonna go to Hawaii. But yeah, that's all I looked at the headlines, and that's all I took a gander at. That was great. Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

We enjoyed it very much. So yeah, I hope we don't go into any war anytime soon, and good looking out. Yeah, absolutely. I'm excited for your tick cubs next week, buddy. Me too. Me too. I'm gonna have some real fucking sea cubs after this shit. Holy cow.

It's gonna be nice. Real nice. All right. Should we take... Break. Yeah? You got all kinds of stuff coming. Just real quick, let me show you...

You know, like dead ass stuff. You wanna see Tommy John real quick? Are you kidding me, my face? Let me show you Tommy John's. This is an updated Tommy John's. Okay, uh-oh. You wanna fuck me in the ass? Fuck you.

Come on, fuck me in the ass, motherfucker. I need me a line of white girl. Fuck. I'm here fucking masturbating, and I fuck him. Woo, you know what I'm saying? What's going on? Where is he? Is he in a facility of some sort?

What makes you say that? He's wearing a lot of white, like a... Because you can cum so fucking quick. I can't fucking see you. And I can't fucking see you. You will fucking cum in 20 to 30 fucking seconds. It's so fucking sad. What's going on?

I need a fucking line of white girl. Fuck. I fucking love this fucking whore. Mr. Clavicles. Mr. Clavicles, thanks very much for pulling that. It was really cool. Jesus. Wow, what is going on?

He's on a decline. Something's happening. Woo! He's done a little too much party. A little bit. Well, you know, meth. Don't do it, it's bad. That's what it does to you.

All right, we got a lot of wrestling stuff to get into right after this break. And we're back. Joining us is a huge, huge fan of the worldwide sport of professional wrestling. A comedian and podcaster, our friend Tony Hinchcliff. All right. Thanks for joining us. Glad to be here. Had to swing by when you started insulting one of the greatest forms of entertainment on the planet.

Yeah, I really wanted to get into this video. As you can see. I like you refer to it as entertainment and not sport. Well, I mean, if you just want to jump right into it. Let's jump into it. Sport, it's a lot more athletic than a lot of things that you guys consider sports. Like what? Golf.

Okay. Bowling. Cricket. Cricket. We can go down a long list. Curling. Almost everything that's not basketball, football, UFC, everything else. It's got it.

Curling. It's the combination. Puppeteering of athleticism and drama. Right? Yep. And it's always entertaining. Do you think it's fair to call it a sport? That's right on the line.

Do you think it's fair to call it a fight? That he hesitated. That's sometimes it is a fight. There's times where it is a fight and there's times where it is a sport. I mean, it's definitely, it depends on. But scripted. Scripted for sure. Scripted outcome.

So is Game of Thrones. Right. I've been getting a lot of that when I first made it into the news. Everybody was like, wait till he finds out that the Spider-Man's not real. Yeah. Yeah. Did you know that? I didn't know.

Does it ruin it for you? Now I'm like, wait, what? Look. And then they're like, wait till he finds out breaking bad scripted. Yeah. I wonder if he'll even enjoy it then. I'm like, that's a good point. Look, mayonnaise is real.

Right. But sometimes it goes bad. Right. Wow. How about that? You kind of changed the whole, my whole perspective on everything. There you go. I know.

I decided on the drive here. I'm like, if I put it in mayonnaise, Tom will understand. Yeah. Mayo and me. Right here. Mayo and me. Mayo and me. Now, I'm embracing, you know.

Let me, let me just say that like you can watch UFC, right? I'm a huge, I'm one of the rare hybrid. You are. I mean, it's not that rare. There's a lot of pro wrestling UFC fans. Yeah. I'm a huge fan of both. And sometimes UFC, sometimes it'll just be a janky matchup of chemistries and it won't

be great. It won't be great. That's true. That is especially as great as you thought it would be. That happens a lot. That's true. And sometimes with pro wrestling, sometimes it's greater than you thought it would be and it's always sort of as entertaining as you thought it would be.

No. Because it is scripted. It has the benefit of a script. Look, here's the thing I want to know. Childish. I feel like I can beat anybody in the, in the world in wrestling. Absolutely. I feel, and for a number of reasons.

First of all, I'm dope. I'm mystic, Rick. I have solstice with me. That's solstice? Right here. Doesn't seem very excited about this. She's fine. Another hardcore wrestling fan from the world of comedy, rarely seen without his swatka

armband. It's Steve Simone. Yes. Hi. Well, a hardcore fan when I was a kid. So tell me that. So you're, you were, you were a hardcore fan. Yeah.

When I was a kid, I loved it. When you were a kid. Are you trying to say that wrestling's for children? I think by and large, yes. Like I honestly, I do. I think like that's what it's, that's what it should be for. I saw the first WrestleMania and it meant something to me. Another hardcore wrestling fan, also a great comedian, a great voiceover actor, the great

Earl Skakel. Thank you so much for coming by. Skakel. Thank you guys. I appreciate it. I've known you for a, since the very beginning. I've known you forever. You're a comedy brother.

And I, I can't believe you're a wrestling fan. I didn't know this about you. Well, you got to be in the closet when you're a wrestling fan. If you think it's real, like I do, because it is real. These guys break their bones. They break their backs. They died before they're 40. I mean, you know, aren't you also a big hockey fan?

Big hockey guy. Cause it's like the only sport left for white people and right now I'm doing bits. A wrestling fan that can speak in complete sentences. We're really happy to welcome very talented comedian and actor Ron Funches. Alright. Ron, thanks for coming. Oh, you're just going to start with the disrespect, huh? Sorry man.

You invite me here, you bring me to your home, and then you disrespect me. You disrespect my people. You disrespect the very people that give you the money so that you can go on tour. You act like wrestling fans, ain't your fans? I, um, yeah, I stand by that. Well that's why I came down here, getting your fucking ass, let you know you being ridiculous. How dare you, Tom Segura. You're disrespecting Ric Flair, you're disrespecting Harley Race, you're disrespecting Ricky the

Dragon Steamboat, you're disrespecting John Cena, you're disrespecting The Rock. These are wrestlers? Yes. I'm sorry, I should have given you that information. I thought they were superheroes or something, yeah. They are superheroes. Oh, they are. They are.

Okay, everybody he listed is significant if you're a fucking child, you know? If you're a kid, and you like, you like, I mean, yeah, I thought they were Paw Patrol there. They are. They're basically a little Pixar animated. Oh, you gonna talk about that, about The Rock? The Rock. About Dwayne, The Rock, about Mr. Fast and Furious, about Mr. Hobbs and Shaw.

Let's be real clear about Dwayne real quick, okay? Let's be real clear about, okay, you must know each other. You must know each other. Let's be clear about Dwayne. Dwayne tried to play a real sport, and he tried to play football, where real men line up and you gotta be good to beat your opponent, but a little problem happened by the name of Warren Sapp was born, he showed up, and then Mr. Can you smell what my mom's cooking? He joined the Bodybuilding Ballet and started his own, you know, little song, and I'm in

my anchor with his fucking weird. Well, now I must respect the fact that you apparently done your research and you do know about the Warren Sapp, Dwayne Johnson, incident down in Miami, that is actually cool that you know that. I have the turkey slicer, I can do anything, I can finish anyone. So if it's like, if we're scripting it out, why can't I just beat anybody in wrestling? Why? See, right away I can feel you being like, that's a good point, Tom.

That is a pretty good point that you have there. If it's scripted technically, you could beat anybody, but you still have to, you know, you start from the bottom and you grow. You don't just, most people don't come out, guns ablaze and- I'm putting it out there by the way. I'm down to fight anybody in wrestling. Oh. Anybody.

Just better believe it. Brock Lesnar. Come get it, dude. Okay. Have you seen, first of all, how does this turkey slicer work? Because I'm a big fan of- Well, let me tell you something. The technique of wrestling.

If you keep pressing about the turkey slicer, you're going to be covered in slices. But that's what happens? Yeah, you get covered in turkey slices. That's after you beat me? That's the move. You bring out turkey slices? No, I just have them. See, that would be, technically, that would be a disqualification.

Why? Because that's using a foreign object. Why? What about a chair? I can't hit someone with a fucking folding chair. No, but he covers you in turkey slices after he does it. Wait a minute. What about the chairs?

The chairs are, that's only- That's a DQ? In a hardcore match. Yeah. What do you mean? It is a DQ or it's not a DQ? It's a DQ. Oh.

Wow. Yeah. Now this is starting to change your tune a little bit. No, I'm just saying that like, if you're going to, if you're just going to go up against everybody with a chair. No, I just- You're just going to come in with a chair and slices of turkey and dominate a sport. Yeah.

That's exactly what he's going to do, Tony. Well, look, there's, there's a lot of, who's, do you know Jim Cornette? Very well. So for people who don't know, can you explain who he is? Jim Cornette is a very, very passionate former wrestling manager, current wrestling, we could say journalist, a person of the, that reports on the sport. He had some things to say about what I had to say. Really?

I see that. Yeah. There's no pretense of trying to make anybody believe anything. It is stupid, it is silly, and it is fake, but it's also not wrestling. So while I want to defend the wrestling business, I'm more insulted by the guy with his hands in his pockets, the guy with the dick spot, guy with the invisible man, guys who are supposedly professionals in the business doing things that make the business worse than what this guy is saying about wrestling and wrestling fans.

He's just some fucking ass-wipe comedian, it's not even on fucking real television. These are actual supposed professionals supposedly in the industry, so it depends on what he's knocking. If he's knocking professional wrestling, fuck this guy and feed him fish heads, but if he is commenting on what he has seen presented as professional wrestling that we've seen over the last weeks and months, I don't blame him. If that's the first time he's fucking seen it and he saw that, if the first time I ever saw professional wrestling was either this money in the bank fucking bullshit or some

of the fucking stupid shit that the fucking outlaw mud show contingent of all elite wrestling does, that'd be the last time I ever saw wrestling. We wouldn't be having this conversation. So Jim said that Tommy Buns has a good point. Wow. I mean, what do you think of that? First of all, I have to say there is nothing funnier to me than when someone that is out of the loop criticizes someone for not being on real television instead on Netflix.

Who's watching that? This podcast is like AM radio, no one's listening. Bullshit Netflix got 160 million subscribers. Right. He's not even on a real television channel real commercial again because it's stupid. Wait a minute. Hulk Hogan went bad. Yes.

And it was one of the greatest things ever. So far. Did you know that? Wait. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. But so far, this has been like my mother syncing up her phone with her laptop. Christina is like, she did what and fought like that.

Here's why I don't watch wrestling or football because I'm not a lesbian. We've discussed this before. I'm a straight woman. I don't enjoy lesbian things. And also I don't fucking care. But pro wrestling fans assault of the earth, the good people, the people that don't want people to get hurt, the people that want that to be friendships. That's what you got a problem.

That's what I got a problem with. I got a problem with. I got a problem with these phony ass fights. Oh shit. No, you did not say the word phony. You lucky. I'm not Dr. D. Davis. Those are I would have slapped you across your fucking face just for using the word

fake in my presence. Fake athletes, they're failed athletes. They ain't shit. They couldn't cut it in a real sport. So they jump on over to the bodybuilding ballet that you watch every Monday night and try to get into do a little dance. Oh, look. We're going to do a fake fight.

We'll work it out ahead of time. There's no competition. So I'm guessing Tom Segura, every time you go on stage and you telling jokes, you actually feel that exact moment and you feel exactly what you're saying at that time. 100%. Oh, for real. For real. For real.

Something tells me you full of shit, Tom Segura. Something tells me sometimes you telling jokes that you angry and you ain't angry at all. Sometimes tell me jokes that you acting like you would know it. You ain't annoyed at all. Something tells me you the funny Tom Segura. What got you into it? Like, so you're a kid. Is that's how you first get into it?

Yeah, I was a kid and I started to notice how the African American wrestlers were portrayed. Shout out to the WWF for the way they gave their characters to those guys. You had Kamala, who was a savage animal from Uganda, who's actually from Philadelphia. Same difference. You had the junkyard dog coming to the ring with a dog collar going, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. These are negative portrayals that the WWF embraced? Well, I don't think Slick, the jive talking pimp, was, you know, it's right up there with how African Americans were portrayed on what's happening.

I mean, you know, and then you had the most racist one was Arkeem, the African Dream, who was the one man gang and then they turned him black. So like he was a white guy is why did you and I are a white guy named Arkeem, the African Dream? Please Google this. I have to see this. Oh, you have to. The way they introduced him was mean Jean Oakland is in an alley in New York and all

of a sudden you see these five black background dancers and grass skirts portraying savages and they're all wearing like Air Jordans. And then Arkeem comes out with Slick on, you know, my brother's is like, oh, this is this is crossing a line even in the eighties. Oh, shit. So and that's him once he has the outfit on the African. Yeah. He's got the dashiki and, you know, he would do these like he would try and dance African

American. I mean, I'm scared to like say the right terminology and, you know, and then you had Rowdy Roddy Piper. We have we have an African American shaking his head right now in our boots. Hide your wallets. Sorry. It's a new era. So this is like the really ridiculous era.

And that's Slick, the jive talking pimp. And the guy next to him is the big boss man who was allegedly a prison guard who met Slick in prison. I mean, they really went for it. They went for it. Yeah. But it's still real. I like, you know, that guy, the one man gang who's now a broke in Mississippi.

Boy, they really take care of their own. Vince McMahon. They got Pat Patterson running around molesting ring boys, but let's not take care of the Kamala has no legs. Now, hold on. Hold on. I mean, are you just like this feels like the Ronan Farrow of of wrestling, what you're doing right now.

You're exposing the truth right here. Well, I don't think it's a secret that Pat Patterson had it. He was like the Sandusky of the WWF and he's in the Hall of Fame. Yeah. For wrestling, the Hall of Fame for wrestling. What? Yeah. Like it's real.

But like, I don't think you should have a Hall of Fame for it. I'll draw the line there. Roddy Piper, the late great Roddy Piper was a very dear friend of mine. How did you guys become friends? Through Eric Abrams at the Improv. They were friends? No. He was organizing a show where Roddy wanted to start doing stand up comedy.

And at the time I had a bit about watching pro wrestling with my brothers when I was like 10 when I thought it was the shit. Yeah. When I thought it was as real as life got. And then he was like, would you be willing to do a show with Roddy Piper? And I was like, I couldn't say yes fast enough. Yeah. Because that was my generation.

That was the reason why if you say, are you a fan? I would say yes, even though I haven't seen it in years. So I got to be really good friends with Roddy. I wouldn't want to say anything that would be disrespectful to his, what he devoted his life to because he was such a good, like the guy I knew was so different from the wrestling character. Sure. And he was such a sweet dad and husband.

Then a really good dude. And it was an honor to know him. That's very sweet. I mean, I think in terms like that's a lot like Mystic Rick, the character, and then Thompson Gros, you know, the guy. Right. And then I remember Roddy trying to explain to me that his generation of wrestling was back when you had to be that character 24 hours a day.

So he was, you know, he would have to pay the cook 20 bucks to watch him cook his food. So the guy didn't spit in it. He had to have a special leather jacket because he was stabbed three times from fans. Because they really believed. Correct. You're the bad guy. Yes. And he had to be a bad guy 24 seven.

And I think that couldn't have been easy. But that does lead you to believe that the fans are not so smart. Talked, locked and ready to rock. You guys are much smarter than me, but I think you could probably surmise that wrestling fans skew on the homophobic side. I wouldn't have guessed. You wouldn't have to guess if you just looked at, you know, when you see a sign in the crowd saying Vince McMahon's a homo.

Might lean towards not being. So this is, these are the two guys. These are the two guys. Now this wedding angle was taken so far that they were. It looks like Theo and Shob. I know. I was going to say that looks like Theo. It does.

On the left. Yeah. It might be right. A Photoshop thing. It kind of looks like him. And the guy in the middle. And then Shob right there. Yeah.

And then there's Callan in the middle. The guy in the middle is a transit cop now. Like he was like a legit wrestler. And you know, he played a gay wedding organizer. And what year was this put out? This was probably about 98. Did they go with like, we'll give you AIDS kind of like kind of thing or not? No, they already had it.

But like, was that part of like, if we fight you, you'll get HIV? We pin you down and give you AIDS. That was another wrestler. There was another organization called XPW. And they had this wrestler who was portrayed as having HIV. So, you know, his finishing move was to hit you in the stomach and then you somehow end up with your ass in the air and he pumps you three times. What?

No. Is that real? Yeah. Yeah. They were owned by a porn company. What was the name of the wrestler? Angel. Angel from XPW?

Yeah. Yeah. It's like, I've been to kiss concerts. I've been to Superbowls. From XPW. Put it in XPW. Yeah. Angel, XPW, gay, you know, that should...

That'll do it. Yeah, there he is. This guy was a great wrestler. This guy right here? Yeah. He was a great wrestler. The hardcore homo, it says. Yeah.

What a shock to a wrestler when I have a character like that. Not even... That's not the most offensive? Oh, they had one time, Rowdy Rowdy Piper, Rest in Peace. My name at the comedy store is under Rowdy Rowdy. Yeah, I know. Welcome to Hollywood, kids. Sorry.

You weren't in WrestleMania. See ya, Toots. He wrestled Bad News Allen, who was a legit... This is why I get upset when people say wrestling's fake. Bad News Allen was a 76-Judo champion in the Olympics and he... You know, obviously, there's not a lot of money after Judo. It's not like a Judo league. So he wrestled Rowdy Rowdy Piper, WrestleMania, and Rowdy Rowdy Piper was in black...

Half of his body was in blackface. Oh, no. I mean, if you look up Bad News against Rowdy, you'll see... And when I brought it up to Rowdy a couple of times, really every time I saw him, he was pretty embarrassed by it. That's not a great shot, but... You can see it, yeah. But a great story. What's the bit supposed to be?

Yeah, what does he have? Rowdy was a heel, a bad guy, so he was just trying to piss... Oh, I'll piss you off by being in half blackface. In Bad News, his character was a militant black guy. He would finish you and stand over you and give you the... The black power fist. Yeah, yeah. Like, Andre, this guy was such a badass.

Well, I gotta tell you, you've put a real nice kind of feeling in our hearts with the whole world of wrestling so far. It's really kind of cool. Well, you know who you booked? I mean... I mean, this is the real deal. This is not, you know... Wait years? This was 2015 at my house.

Oh, fuck, man. Unreal. This is wrestling, too. Watch the dude on time. What is happening here? He's put his finger in his ass. What was that? Sounds like very...

...another country. That's the actual turkey slicer that happened in the country of Turkey. It is in Turkey. Is it? Yes. What is going on? That's how you really wrestle. Wow.

That's what he's gonna do, Mystic Rick tell us about it. Mystic Rick also has... The tank tickle. Yeah. The tickler. They go in. The turkey tickler. Yeah, and then your prostate explodes and I go...

...and then Turkey's like... Wow. No one's ready. No one's ready. This is quite a wrestling. Here's the real thing. And you said it and now you're backtracking. You're backtracking like...

Call her out. I'm gonna call her out right now. Listen, I'm on just Team Mystic Rick no matter what. Well... He knows how to go down on ladies and he knows how to fight and fuck. Wow. That's right. And I'm rich.

He knows the turkey slicer and the roast beef slicer, huh? All right, what did I say? Tell me. You said when this all started that you went to a live event and you had a great time. Y'all, I was trying to be nice. Oh. I was a little... I was a little bored.

I'm not gonna... I was a little bored. It was okay. I had a hot dog. I had some beer and I watched the audience mostly. The fun show. The fun show. It's also a hard thing.

It was fine. If you don't know any of the story lines and you go to a live event, it's like if you don't know anything about UFC and you're going to your first UFC and you're like, why are they... Why is that guy holding onto his arm? Yeah. Well, I had the good fortune of the boyfriend at the time who watched it all the time and he filled me in on The Undertaker.

I actually know who that one is. I mean, The Undertaker. I mean, how do you not get excited for The Undertaker? You mean Mark? Undertaker. Don't you call him that. You mean Big Mark? No.

Don't you do that. Don't you do that. I'm gonna jump across that table. Don't break K-Fab. K-Fab? What is it? K-Fabe. K-Fabe.

I'm going straight for Solstice. You will get the stamp on your forehead and the turkey slices all over your body if you grab Solstice. Solstice is going through the turkey slices. Well, I feel like... Look, I feel like... I know there's a lot of care. I feel like Mystic Rick is dope as shit and I feel like it's starting to get recognized

by wrestlers. I feel like what I've been seeing and putting out there the last week or so, I feel like wrestlers are really starting to come around. Spread the hit man heart. All I can say is this, Mystic Rick, you are never down for the count. You are the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be. Even if you were in the Sharpshooter, Mystic Rick, you would find the counter because you're a guy that never quits and never gives up.

Oh my god. Just keep those jeans high and tight and know that you are the excellence of execution and everything you do and things will get better in time and everybody's standing all around you. They're all supporting you. Just know that everybody loves you. Stay strong and stay safe. Why is he talking to you like it's a make-a-wish?

Is that a cameo for some cancer patient? He's just shouting out Mystic Rick, dog. That's Brett Hart, right? Oh yeah, that's Brett the hit man heart. Who's that? The best there is, the best there was, the best there ever will be. Multiple times. W-E-W-C-W.

No, he's a nice guy. We were FaceTime the other day and he was just, we're just, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me ask you something about this Mystic Rick character. Like, do you predict the future or something like that? Like, how does this work? He's going to predict your injuries, Tony. Here's what I predict. Ready?

Championship belts, Hall of Fame inductions, tons of turkey, a new nest for solstice, money, money, money, money, money, money. That's what I predict. Wow. And you know who else predicts it? My man Kurt. Hey Rick, how you doing my friend at your Olympic here on Kurt Angle? No.

I just wanted to tell you that you're the only man I wouldn't dare risk my gold medals in the ring with. You are so strong you could even withstand the ankle lock or it's true, it's damn true. There you go. What is happening? I'm telling you, people respect me man. Who? How?

How is this happening? Mr. Rick is the shit. That's right. It's powerful. That is Olympic gold medalist and multiple time champion Kurt Angle. What do you think of Becky Lynch being pregnant? I'm mad about it. You know why?

Why? Because it's not real. It's fake like that. No, the pregnancy's not real. It's definitely not real. Oh, the pregnancy's real. Come on, man. You don't think the pregnancy's real?

That whole shit's phony. It's a phony ass fucking sport with phony storylines and fake athletes. They all ain't shit. Kamala the Ugandan Giant who I actually met. He was awesome. He's from Philly. He's from Philly. I met him backstage at a WWF.

It's got to feel good. They're like, you're African. Yeah. It's like Philadelphia. Philly. But like the only thing that I would concede, I would concede that wrestling is fake from the standpoint of some of them are playing characters like Kane and the Undertaker are not brothers and have supernatural powers.

But they still execute the moves. Kamala was billed as the Ugandan Giant, but he lost both his legs to diabetes, so he's about 5'3 now. How big was he before? 6'7. Wow. I mean, when I met him, it was like meeting a superhero. Were you a kid when you met him?

I was 13, and my dad took me backstage at the Olympic Auditorium. Was this your sport as a kid? Yeah, absolutely. Because hockey wasn't big in LA back then, and I wasn't into baseball or football a little bit. But wrestling was my... That was the shit. ...wrestlemania was a super ball to me.

To me, Kamala and to have him speak perfect English to me was the most mind-blowing thing I've ever... So in the ring or on the mic, he would do a heavy accent? No, he wouldn't even talk. What he would do is he had this Asian manager named Kim Chi who wore a... Oh, there's many worse characters, trust Kim Chi is like the pope of racist character. Kim Chi? So he wore a safari outfit with a mask.

You never saw his face, and he was actually a Polish guy, but you know, for the... What? And that was his manager, but Kamala couldn't speak. He had... It's how stupid Kamala is. He had a tribal pain on his face, and he had a moon on his stomach. And then two solar system things on his gut, and he thought they were bananas. Kamala, the Ugandan giant?

Yes, not Kamala, well, there's another Kamala. And there's Andre the Giant. There's Andre the Giant, so if you see Kamala, he had the two stars on his chest, so you see the moon on his stomach. He goes up to Vince McMahon once, and he's not the smartest guy, he's like, hey I really like my character, but can we get rid of this banana on my stomach? And they're like, it's a moon. It's a moon, but it's just poorly drawn.

Right, so when I met him backstage... You met him backstage, and you're like, this guy doesn't talk. Yeah, and he's 6'8", and I'm 13, so I don't know, 5'8", or whatever, and he motions for me to come over, and he extends his hand, and he's like, hello young man. And I'm like, what are you doing speaking English? And he looks at me and goes, my name is Jim, and I'm from Tupelo, Mississippi, hello there. And I'm like, no it's not, you're from Uganda. And then Kim Chee goes, hi, I'm Steve, I'm like, wait, what?

I did go to the WWE Hall of Fame induction ceremonies back in 2005. That's kind of recent. Yes, and I went because it was Roddy Piper. Ric Flair gave Piper's induction speech, Sylvester Stallone gave Hulk Hogan, so it was my whole childhood. And the Iron Sheik was there out of his mind, and he told a story that the promoter of the AWA, I think it was Vern Ganya, who was a legit tough guy, who was a real wrestler, who could really wrestle, offered the Iron Sheik $10,000 to break Hulk Hogan's leg instead of giving him the title.

Really? And then when we were kids, there was a guy named Harley Race that they said was a legit bit tough guy. Iron Sheik, by the way, I remember the image and the character as a kid, but my favorite thing was in more recent years, watching people wind him up, like he would go to a radio station or on Twitter, and they'd be like, you suck. And he'd be like, oh, fuck you, I'll bring you back. And he'd really lose his shit though, like in these radio station things, he'd fucking

go crazy. And he was a dangerous dude. And they're like, people would hold him, like you're going to have a heart attack. Well, I remember he came, Russell Peters, this is like back when the comedy store was a ghost town. It was like 2008, and I was going up for like eight people, and everybody was like, dude, the Iron Sheik's here, the Iron Sheik's out of the eight, one of them was the Iron Sheik. And they were like, you got to give him the business a little bit.

So I started to talk about Hulk Hogan. And then the Iron Sheik came up on stage, and I was like, I could easily die right now. Because he was on stage. Yeah. But he was really nice. And Russell Peters was with him holding the belt. So I felt a little safer then. And then, but he was an Olympic wrestler, and he was a bodyguard for the show of Iran.

Like that was a legit tough guy. Yeah. Wow. See, but when you say that the way it started before Vince McMahon took over the whole enterprise, that sounds like, hey, that's sporty when your people are competing in these different regions to get the title, the championship belt thing. It was more interesting, but I think at its core, it's always just been a morality play. And I think that's what I bought into as a kid.

Good versus evil. Good versus evil. Right. Which is a good thing. Teaching children things. Yeah. As a kid, I loved it. And that's why.

It feels like you're saying wrestling. It's for kids. Yeah. I mean, honestly, I think it's the same thing like with like the Marvel universe or something like that. Yeah. Another thing for children, too. Right.

But I think adults can enjoy it. They can. But when I hear people, like to your point, like when I hear people like, I go like, because it sucks now. I mean, isn't it like inappropriate almost for wrestlers to be like, I'm a champion? No, it's not. Segura. Why?

I mean, Rick Flair's a 16 time champ. You know, he, he busted his ass. He broke his back. You guys don't like Rick Flair? Well, I mean, look, I, yes, of course, and Rick Flair's a fan of Mystic Rick, who, you know, that's who I've been in the ring lately. I've been Mystic Rick. Mystic Rick's the best, the fastest, the best lover there is.

Yeah. Well, I'll leave that to you guys. I don't want to get into your love. You know, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm like getting involved and I'm going into the ring as Mystic Rick. Well, maybe you and I could wrestle if you think it's fake. Okay. I'd like a match.

My name is a big dick bandit. I take issue with one part of the whole, the whole wrestling world. And that is co-opting the term champion. I feel like it's kind of disrespectful to, you know, a championship. If you, if, if we're agreeing that things can be predetermined and we're like, you know, we know who the winner is going to be, then isn't using the term, the term champion disrespectful. You know what I mean? Like, you know that, like, to Olympians, to like Michael Jordan, to Tom, like they're

champions. They had to, they didn't know they were going to win. You have to earn that championship. Yeah. So these guys are like, I'm a 16 time world champion. You can't compare the Tomb Raider to Michael Jordan. Tomb Raider? That's his fucking name.

The Undertaker? Did you just call him the Tomb Raider? I mean, is that wrong that we're saying that? Sorry. His names are so dumb. You look at Rick in the face. Is that? They're, they're, I guess you have somewhat of, somewhat of an argument there, but the

only person to win it 16 times is Rick Flair. Oh really? Who, I mean, you must respect Rick Flair. Who doesn't respect Rick Flair? But the question is also, does Rick? The second, the second greatest Rick in wrestling history. The second greatest Rick, but is Rick, the question is, does Rick Flair respect Mystic Rick?

Woo! You better shut the fuck up. My main man, Mystic Rick, I understand that you're the only man alive that rivals me. Nature boy, you kidding me? You actually rival me? You are ready to compete until the world? You live the lifestyle like mine? That you've been limousine riding jet flying, kiss stealing, wheeling, dealing?

Are you kidding me? Wow, not even a chop could keep you down, huh? Well, you're the champ. And I'm the one to tell you. Thanks. So keep feathering it, brother. Oh my. That's good.

And you're beautiful, exotic, and extremely hot wife, classy Christina. Wow. Wow. Wow, Christina. Look at his own. You can look. Mystic Rick, it's your job to make Christina wake up every morning and go, woo! Wow.

Mystic Rick. Let's do that again. Woo! Woo! Woo! Oh my goodness. That's why you liked it as a kid. Do you feel like your interest now is because it's nostalgia?

Is your interest in wrestling now due to the fact that it was something you followed as a kid? Well, I don't like the current product. You know? Why not? Well, it's just fitness models and it's still real. They still get hurt. I mean, there's a guy named Seth Rollins.

He almost broke Sting's neck twice. Not the bass player, but Sting the wrestler who actually copyrighted the name and Sting the bass player has to pay him money. So not all wrestlers are born on that. Sting the singer? Sting the singer has to pay Sting the wrestler. For the name? Yeah.

Oh wow. Sting's no dummy. By the way, I have seven of his t-shirts from, I won't say the website, but Sting.org. It's just not, it's still real today, but back then they were, you know, like Abdullah the butcher would, you know, take a fork and put it in your head and jab you with it. Now they don't do stuff like that. Well, look, I'm down to wrestle. I'm down.

I'd like to challenge you. Yeah. I can't believe Earl's challenging Mystic. I'm challenging you Mystic, Rick, because it's the old saying in life, you like to hear someone's doing pretty good, but you don't want to hear they're doing better than you. And physically, I've always done better than you and you think wrestling's fake. We'll get all your crew in there. I don't want anyone helping me and I'll beat your fat ass.

Okay. Let's do it. Let's do it. By the way, I'd love to do your podcast again. Yeah. I remain a big fan of yours, Ron. I love you too. I love both of you guys.

It was fun to do. Sorry, things got pretty heated there, but you know, just let Mystic Rick know. Anytime. I really do. I love you. You're hilarious. You're a great guy, great comic. Appreciate you coming here.

And hopefully some of the, you know, people out there will pick sides now. You have taken full advantage of the system. You are using it and it has never been done before in wrestling history and I love it. Wow. Thank you, Tony. You're on Team Mystic Rick now. I mean, this is powerful. What's happening?

Wait a minute. Are you converting to the dark side of the force? Are you on our side? Look, I mean, will you be a Team Mystic Rick supporter? Are you on it? Will you throw some slices of turkey? Will you throw a turkey's leg? Will you comment on wrestlers pages?

Like, are you going to take on Mystic Rick? Look, I mean, I guess I really have no choice. Thank you. Yes. When it comes to, when it comes to Mystic Rick and you know, we're all brothers and sisters. That's right, brother. I'm a big industry and as a fan of both comedy and pro wrestling, I think I have no choice. But you've probably foreseen this since you're a Mystic and I'm just falling right into your

trap. Hold on. Let me. Yeah, I did see it. This is incredible. Your powers are mind boggling. Yeah. Well, wait till these wrestlers get ahold of it.

They're going to be fucking shitting their pants. They're going to get the hot bowl of poutine, the stamp on the forehead and the turkey slices. Oh, are you going to throw a hot bowl of poutine in the ring when you win? And then I put the baby raper stamp on their forehead. Wow. You have a lot of, there's a lot of things you're lugging down to the ring with. I'm Mystic, man. We've got all kinds of shit in our field.

My goodness. That's powerful. Well, look, we've got a new Mystic fanatic here. Mystic Mania has taken over. It's tough for me to say, but I'm switching sides here. I'm on Team Mystic. Yes, we did it, baby. You hear that solstice?

So yeah, we'll do photos all shit a little while. Thank you for stopping by though. Thank you. I really appreciate you. So good to see you. We missed you. It's a pleasure to be here as always. Love you guys.

Appreciate it, brother. Love you, baby. Niggas, they mother fuck'a clubbing that I'm a false, bloody bitch. Call me out and see if I'm a warm, fucked, false blood. You niggas don't want no wreck from the Supo, bitch and niggas. You all you bitch and niggas, call me out, bitch and niggas. Call me out, bitch and niggas. Call me out, false blood.

You all you bitch and niggas, call me out, false blood. Bitch. How am I done? Bitch and niggas. Got Danny fromaggerly. You make me in a mess. You niggas don't want no wreck. Don't want no wreck.

You niggas don't want no wreck. You niggas get a dick. I'll brush my ass off. You niggas don't want no wreck. You niggas don't want no wreck. Don't want no wreck. Bitch. Call me out and see if I'm a warm, fucked, false blood.

You niggas don't want no wreck from the Supo, bitch and niggaz. You niggas get a dirty dick in your dirty dick. Good morning, Julia. Sit to my mind. False blood. You don't know how beautiful you are. False blood. Don't ever go back in the past.

Let's go full throttle. You niggas don't want no wreck. Don't want no wreck. Don't want no wreck. You niggas don't want no wreck. Don't want no wreck. Don't want no wreck. Bitch and niggaz.

You niggas don't want no wreck. Don't want no wreck. Don't want no wreck. You niggas don't want no wreck.