Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 555 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: June 10, 2020

Get tickets to Tom Segura's Charity Zoom Event here: https://givebutter.com/lls-tom-segura What's up there Chomo? In this episode of YMH, the main mommies take a look at YMH All-Star Robert Paul Champagne's exclusive "premium" content for fans only, follow up on 90 Day Fiance, and talk to Charo and Top Dog on the phone. Tom and Christina find out what Fedsmoker looks for in a lady, watch some 80s sex ed videos, and look at a clip of a racist toddler, as well as many other cool videos. Also the Saatva contest winners are revealed! SPONSORS: - Check Out Squarespace.com/MOM for a free trial and when you’re ready to launch, use the offer code MOM to save 10% off your first purchase - Use promo code HOUSE for 50% off 2 or more pairs at ShadyRays.com - WHOOP.com and enter “YOURMOM” at checkout to save 15% - Get 10% off your first order and free shipping when you use promo code [MOM], only at Brooklinen.com - Go to hellotushy.com/YOURMOM get 10% off your order - With over 100 million downloads and tons of five-star reviews, Best Fiends is a must-play!

I don't understand why everyone was a fucking stupid idiot. What's up there, Chomos and Chomets? Chomets, thank you for that. You needed that. Women are fucking stupid. It's great to be here with you. We're excited for a nice release from all the chaos. There is so much to talk about. Women are stupid.

Do you consider that a microaggression? Oh, I consider that a... Sitting here and your co-host is just shitting on your whole gender. It's a major aggression. I wouldn't even say a micro. It's a big one. Yeah, I take offense to a lot of stuff. Yeah, I get it.

Fuck with my ass, man. There's that. That's offensive to me as a woman. There's so much to... So much to get into. Thank God this is a safe space. This is a safe space. The world is upside down, but we are right here for you inside your jeans and in your butthole.

And now... We have such an exciting episode planned. Some of the best clips. And I'm most excited to share with you this opening clip because it's indicative of something that I didn't think would ever happen, but I'm so happy that it's here. Let's just get it. You ready to start the show?

I'm ready. I'm ready. I need it. Let's get into it. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. And follow me at only... And follow me only at... Seeing only... Robert Shepard post-Champagne, man. Yeah, follow me... Follow me only at...

And follow me only at... Seeing at Robert Shepard post-Champagne, man. Yeah, look, man, yeah. Time to just come on over, man. This shit is big time. Don't bring anyone loving to this. Don't burn when the fuck is there. Welcome. Welcome.

Welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segura. Tom Segura. And Christina Pajitzi. Christina Pajitzi. Welcome to your mom's house. Oh, boy. Moreка.

All right. That was...hold on, I need to take it in. So you forget I haven't seen this yet so it's... It's a lot. You to me... I need to figure out the fans only stuff. I don't know. When he barely knows how to upload a YouTube video with a title.

I don't understand. I would say he barely got through this. But somebody must have helped him, right? Somebody had to have talked him into this. You know, I'm seeing this background with the Paul Champagne. I don't think he made that graphic. Of course not. No way.

I think he found some sort of blue...maybe like a jizz band type deal. To help him in the background because, I mean, this is some pretty high-tech stuff. For sure. And look how well lit he is. He's never well lit. Who lit him? This is upsetting.

And he's glistening. All of these settings are just at 100%. Hold on too. Didn't he used to have a hairy chest and belly? Am I dreaming? No, no. He didn't? No.

Okay, and he's got a brand new chain around his neck. Very nice chain. Very nice dog chain around his neck. His mustache is less than though. Do you think we're going to use this platform to promote Robert Paul Champagne's new OnlyFans account? You are right. We're going to do a deep dive and we hope that you will be a new subscriber.

Oh, shit. This is so exciting, Robert. I'm so proud of you. You are capitalizing on your good name. It's really, really a noble venture that you have signed up for. Well, and it makes all kinds of sense. There's so many chicks doing this. Hotties are out there and they're doing like, ooh, join my OnlyFans.

And you're supposed to watch them be silly or take a bath or finger themselves or something. Is that what they do? Yeah, sometimes some of them shoot porn on there. They give you the full spectrum, but it's so many chicks. What about the guys? What about dudes? What about the dudes? The dudes deserve a place to do that as well.

Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm still taking it back because I don't think I've ever seen him in such good lighting other than when Dr. Drew went to see him. Yeah, it's very rare. And he's in good shape. He looks great. Here, let's look at the announcement. So, basically, this is his announcement video that he is doing in OnlyFans, okay?

Okay. So, this is the announcement video. Okay. Hi, welcome to Oolims of the Blair. I'm your hot host, Robert Paul of Dent Fiends. Yeah. Yeah, hey, Tom and Josh, shit. Hey, Tom.

Yes. Josh. Yes. Yeah. Come on. Come on over. Try it out, baby. Smoking stroke.

Yeah. Bring your friends. Let's get wild. First we some wild male motherfuckers. Me, man. Black, Latino, all motherfuckers out there. Wow. And follow me at Only.

And follow me only at Fiends Only. Robert, shit. Robert Paul, champagne, man. Yeah. Follow me. Follow me only at... Follow me only at Fiends... At Robert's champagne, man.

Yeah. Look, man. Yeah. Tom, just come on over, man. What the fuck? Cool, man. Fucking goddamn motherfuckers, man. Gonna get lead by some hot black fucking nigga.

Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Okay. Trying to heal. Let's go to the next one. Let's take a walk, guys. Let's take a walk. Yes.

Let's take a walk. Good. That looks nice. Okay. This is part of the video. A lot of plants. Wait, hold on. I'm sorry.

Let me back up a minute. This is my favorite part of it. I thought he left all this dead air in his intro part. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You mean it's not tight, edited? Here's just me walking through a hallway. So weird. It's not like him.

But hold on, please. What? What? I'm trying to play the video. He says Tom and Josh. Like, he's calling you and potting it out. Yes. This is amazing.

And he's doing it in his promo video. Yeah, it's exciting. And he's actively jerking off. That's just cropped out. Oh! His dick is out in every single clip you're going to see. And if you don't see his dick, it's because we did that on our app. Well, that's too bad, because I've seen his, too.

And I think it's lovely, and I like to see him. I don't mind. I like it. I like knowing he's giving himself some pleasure. All right. All right. I got quite. Can we just talk about the evolution of how amazing this all is?

Yeah. Yeah. Just with a video of a strange man, a stranger in a dark room with a bow on his head, putting a call out there to this, where later he calls us by name. He invites our listeners to come and eff him. It's miraculous. And this, uh... It's awesome.

This access to your behind the scenes life is unbelievable. And I'll tell you something. You just got a new subscriber, because I'm signing up, for OnlyFans.com slash Robert Champagne. There's more. There's more. I'm signing up. I know what that is.

Woof. Wood. Woof. Dick of my nick. I'm treating my titties man. Got his nipples glamped. Barking. You fucking shit on me man.

I shit on me. I don't like that. I don't like that. I like that a lot. I like that a lot. You suck, motherfucker. Suck it. Yeah.

I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like that a lot. I like that. Yeah. I like it.

Yeah. Look at it man. Wow. Wow. I'm coming man. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh baby. Oh. Oh motherfucker's man. Oh. That is such a dope intro video. That's how you announce that you have a new channel. That's what's up. I think comedians need to pay attention to their promo videos because that right there,

that's called closing the deal. That's how you sell something. Yeah. You go, you want to see some sexy shit? And then you do that. Yeah. Well, here's what's great about it. The music was on brand.

Everything was on brand. It was. It was rad. An accurate representation of probably what you're going to get. Yep. Whoever you got to help him, it was really good. That's pretty cool. Aw, get off.

It's really good. Way to go, RPC. Now, we don't want to give away any of his prize premium content, but you said you have a little snippet here of- Right. So I have already subscribed to his only. Oh, how's it going for you? It's what dreams are made of, you know?

Every night I go- In all honesty, I was prepping this last night and it was the hardest. It was a very much needed laugh, like prepping it during the streets. Yeah. I fucked a lot, man. Yeah. Yeah. So I think he has nine or 10 videos already uploaded to his-

Oh, wow. To his- And I just took one of them and it was right from the beginning, it's gold. So, and you know, I figured we're just teasing this. Right, right. So it's, we're not going to show his dick, you have to pay him money to see that. We're not going to show him actually coming, you're going to have to pay to see that, but you can definitely hear some of this stuff.

Okay, let's see what you pulled here. Uh, rape me, fuck me, and do great, see a man, and we can shoot it on him, and we can fund me, and get the funds, and get for charity, man. Yeah, for charity, man, but get the charity, man, fuck man, use it, abuse me, and we'll get the fucking charity. Fuck that, man, use it, fuck the charity, man, yeah, the virus, you're the virus, not that, man. Let me know.

What? Wait, what, he wants the virus to fuck him? He- I didn't understand that part. He wants to rape, you can rape him, and he's given the proceeds to charity, I got that part. That is more than enough, I think, for a subscription. Yeah, for charity.

Just, as an angle, if you're just like, if you say that, I want to see what else you say. I don't see anyone offering that kind of stuff on OnlyFans. No. So, hey, fund me. I need two BBCs, or four BBCs that come over, 2395 Wagner House, apartment 2C on 24th Avenue, East Harlem, make a hot rape scene, use it, abuse me, and degrade me, and I mean fucking degrade me, okay?

I'll go ahead, and let me, so we can make this fucking shit happen, motherfucker. I love that it really is an extension of who he's always been, it's just on a new platform. Like it is exactly what he's been doing, you know, like in Instagram and YouTube videos, but it's like new platform, new level of energy, I feel like there's a new relationship energy in this. And you know what else too, is that he found a way to take everything he's great at, and package it on the proper platform. I mean before he was wasting his energy on the Instagram stories, it was there, it was

in the live leak videos, or the YouTube, this is a perfect place for him, and we can see it all. Do you follow somebody else on, do you have OnlyFans subscription or anything? I mean I just created it just for RPC. Just for RPC. Are you gonna see what else is out there? I would love like a compare and contrast kind of thing, you know? You know what, it's part of being a producer on this show, I'll bite that bullet for you

Tom. I'll go see. Well I'd like to see if you go like, you know, other people are doing things differently, you know, I just feel like it would be valuable to know. Sure. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, I'll see how he compares and what other people are offering and if it feels, because I'm really good at seeking value, I'm the value seeker.

That's right. So I'll let you know if it's worth it next week. I'm listening. You can't piss everything. Shit. You're gonna get forced for it all. Shit. And it goes, peers and drugs, man, smack me around, good, but, um, make a scene, go ahead

and find me so we can make this motherfuckers shit happen, motherfucker. Well and it's a new RPC, he's got the hat on, it's a very youthful look. He actually seems really energized by this. He seems good. I think it's because somebody said, hey this platform, you can get paid, and you can still do your shit, and, you know, people want, like maybe you can film you having this happen, yeah? You know, you can, yeah, you can feel it.

He really is fired up about this, you know? I'm naked, man. You want to take me to the hall, you don't want to do it at the hall, you want to do it at the hall, too? You want to do it here, man? Yeah, you want it, man. Come on, motherfucker. Man, rough rapist, fucking homie, I'm a fucking, I'm a fucking, I'm a fucking god, dick sucker,

dick sucker, like a black dick, baby, so come on, baby, let's fuck, let's fuck. I did not call. A subscriber, did he get a subscriber in a moment? You got a notification. Right. Another person just saying, your money. Onlyfans.com slash Robert Champaign. This is so exciting.

It's so, it's so worth it, it's so worth it, it's really great. I think I'm going to subscribe. It's really great. You, girl. Come, girl, come, girl, come. Come. Come. Come.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh baby. Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh my God. Oh, my God. Can you see my f**king man? Yeah, you want to f**king huh?

So this is a cop. I didn't realize that he's a police officer. Oh, you didn't know that? What if the marches- Officer, come dumb. What if- That's right. What if the marches had guys like this watching them right now? Well, that's a different month, Tom. You and people were like, stop police brutality.

And then Robert just walked out and was like, oh. And they're like, well, actually, to yourself, it's fine. Oh my God. Wow. Hold on, you know, you're just, I got to take it in. I got to take it in. The clips on the nips and the dog collar with the chains the police had.

It's a lot. It's a lot going on. Oh man, I want to come. Again? Come again. I want to come. Again. I want to come.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Jesus. Don't keep the weight, man. I mean, the licking the palm after the jizzing is a lot for me. It's a choice. Choice. But did he just do that again right after the first? That's really impressive.

That's a really impressive. Really impressive, especially a man his age. How old do you think RPC? RPC's got to be in his 50s, I would guess. I'm impressed. Really good job, man. Good job. I want to come.

I want to come. Oh. So. I want to come. I want to come. Oh, oh, oh, oh. I got it. Thanks, Tom.

I wish you would start announcing it like that. Yeah, you like that? It's such a point, I think. I really like that thing. Yeah, if you want me to. Not a problem. I want to come again. Okey-doke.

Thanks a lot, dudes. Onlyfans.com slash Robert Champagne. And I think this is a great time to segue into the fundraiser I'm doing. Oh, my god. I'm so traumatized. Will you pull that up on the screen? So I am doing a fundraiser for the Leukemia and Lymphoma

Society, and I'm doing it virtually on Zoom the way the world works now. And I would love if you guys, the people that follow this show, would consider either donating or getting tickets. What we'll do is we'll spend an hour together on Zoom. Hopefully a bunch of you will be there, and I can just hit a screen, and we can talk and hang out. It'll be, can you make that bigger?

I think it's Friday the 12th. Is that the detail on that? I'm just trying to scroll down a little bit. Yes, right? Yes. Friday, June 12th, 9 PM Eastern, Six Pacific. If you buy tickets, you'll be sent a Zoom link. If you don't want a ticket for it, you want to donate.

That's also great. All proceeds from the event will benefit the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, a global leader in the fight against cancer. It's a great organization. I'm very happy to participate. Again, $25 gets you access to the event. The Zoom link will be sent to you.

We will spend an hour together Friday, June 12th from 9 PM Eastern, Six Pacific, for an hour. I'm really excited to do it. I actually saw Burt was doing these virtual zooms. And when these people approached me, I actually used that idea, and I said, well, my friend did it this way. So they liked it, and that's what we're going to try. I really appreciate you donating or getting tickets.

And the link to it will be in this YouTube description, correct? Yeah, of this episode. Yeah, of this episode at the top. It'll be there. I'll also put it in my stories on Instagram. I'll put it on my Twitter. And hopefully we can move some tickets, raise some funds for

a really good cause. And again, thank you very much to them. Now, that is the evening time. That is 10 milligram Tom time. Will you be? Oh, it's going to be 20 milligram Tom for the hangout. Oh, wow. You don't want to miss that, you guys.

That's a fun one. I might even consider upping the dosage. Wow, 30 milligram Tom. Why not 50 milligram Tom? Oh, shit. If we do 100 milligram Tom, it'll just be. I know. Like that.

You can be like Tom, and I'll go, five, five, five, five. Could be fun. No, we'll have a good time. We'll have a good time. I'll drink. You get wasted? I'll get wasted. I'll get, yeah, I'll get faded, bro.

Oh, cool. That's going to be fun. That'll be really good. It'll be a good time. All right, awesome. OK, so what else was there? Well, you know what I couldn't stop thinking about from last episode is, first of all, how much fun we had.

It was crazy. I literally, I had to take a nap because I laughed so hard all day. And sickler, like, you know, we're such long time friends. And we, you know, we find, like, the same, like, we had the same sensibility. And it's just, like, so fun to just chop it up with him and laugh at things.

I laughed so hard. And the day started with Josh Potter doing tit cups. Tit cups. And I can't get it. And it really affected him. It really did. I mean, he was afterwards, he was like, I still feel it. Yeah.

He had that mark on his face for a couple of days. It was pretty awesome. It was so good. Where are those tit cups? It's over here in the room. OK, are you guys going to try them? Anyone else going to try them? What do you mean?

Like, why don't you want to give them a, take them for a test drive? And see what? To see how they affect you. If they'll make my already kind of big tits bigger. I don't think I need to see what the result of that experiment is. Well, why don't you see what it feels like?

Is this for the show? Or are you just for my own personal? OK, let's ask you on two fronts. Would you like to do it personally to see what it feels like? No. Would you like to do it for the show to see what it looks like on the show?

Whatever you want, Mr. Tom. Oh, two cups. I would definitely not force that. But I would say that if you give a shit about what happens here, you should do it. Read your loud and clear box. I'm so excited. Does this mean we get tit cups part two?

No, I'm not doing this. Please. No, why not? Why not? I mean, you don't want to just, I'm just curious. You don't want to see what that feels. It looked like it felt pretty crazy. I don't even go to the gym because I

know that my chest will hurt for a week afterwards. Potter was fucking complaining. It's like, oh my god, I have bruises all over my body. This hurts my body. Do any of the guys there want to try it? Any? I'd be down, but I don't think it'll work. Yeah, you're too lean.

You're too lean. Yeah, we need tits. You have to start. How about, who's else in there? What about the nipple ones? Zola, would you do it? I'm good. That's a no from Zola.

Zola really blew you away in that you said you worked here for so long, and he just started. And he came up with the ingenious way to not look at things that make him sick while prepping clips. Yeah. And now you're adopting it. Well, no, no, no. Well, I mean, ever since Zola started here,

my way of not prepping gross clips was having Zola do it. But if you had to prepo gross clip now, would you use his tactic? No, I mean, I don't know. I feel like I'm an old dog at this point. Oh, so you're okay with it. And this is a new trick, and it's just like, well, yeah, my trick is just suck it up.

Yeah. Yeah. And at the beginning of prepping this clip, this might be something that makes you want to puke. Yeah. But at the end of prepping it, you got an iron gut by the end of it. Yeah.

I feel like, look, I feel like we've done so much hardcore stuff, like even Roberts is hardcore. So why don't we do something a little, you know what I mean? Sure. Nicer. Why don't you try something nicer? So this is the newlywed couple here,

and they're showing their love for each other by love making. Love making just means making each other feel loved. How do you make a person feel loved? Well, you give them kisses and hugs, and you hold them close, but between a man and a woman, it's a bit different. Oh, where's this from?

They tell each other that they're beautiful and everything like that. And they also have a bit of a laugh because they are the best of friends. And then something happens. In a very short time, because they're so close, the man feels his penis becoming erect. That's straight, hard.

And the sperm coming down into it. Wait, the sperm comes down into it, and it likes to pee this? I don't know that it comes down into it like that, really? Yeah, that's how that works. That's what makes it hard. Wait a minute, but how can it, I thought it was the pee that's in the balls,

and then the pee goes from the balls into the penis. Well, yeah, but there's two different things. When it gets hard. You're talking about multiple mechanisms. Yeah. Now, while the sperm is coming into the man's penis, the woman's body is getting ready to receive the sperm. It's amazing, you know how God made it.

Because while they're making love and being happy together, the woman feels her vagina becoming kind of slippery inside so that the penis can easily slip in and out. No trouble. And if there is trouble, just get some lube and you shove it in there.

No trouble. Right? Isn't that the best part? Like, hey, she's got a real dry box. Just get some lube. You shove it in there. You get some Crisco and shove it in hard. It's really important when you're shooting scenes,

because sometimes we'll shoot for like an hour or two, and they'll just dry out. Yeah, those are my least favorite things on porn when the woman looks dry and it hurts. In her face, and she's like. I don't like it. Is this reminds me of when I went to Catholic school, it was taught by Irish nuns,

and I had an Irish nun teach sex head, and this is more descriptive than what I got. Really? Yeah. So he slips his penis into her vagina. Whoa, lady. Gives her the sperm, then she has the sperm. Then the penis slips out, and that's all.

And that's all. And that's called sexual intercourse. Some people call it having sex. So the man passes the sperm to the woman, and now his sperm is in her. Yeah. Oh. So what about the part where he's sitting on the toilet

taking a shit, and he wants to blow job? That's coming up. Oh. Let's bring her here. Maybe you're wondering if a mistake could be made, and a man could pass water instead of semen and sperm. Oh. When having sexual intercourse, that can't happen,

because there's a valve which closes to stop the urine coming. Oh. When sexual intercourse is taking place. From his balls in his. From his balls, exactly. Further is the case that he is definitely stored in the balls.

Yes. You just said the balls and the sperm come from the, the pee and the sperm come from the same place. The valve closes, you hold your pee and your balls, your jizz comes out, then pee can exit afterwards. But the penis, I wasn't aware that the penis became full of sperm, and that's why it got hard, because it's full of sperm.

Yeah. Now, possibly you're saying to yourself, oh, I'll never do that. It's awful. Because you know, when you hear about it first, it sounds very strange, but God has made it really lovely, an exciting and pleasant feeling.

Yeah, it's really good. What do you mean? Pleasant. It's awesome. She's a nun, right? I don't think she's a nun. No, she's got a wedding band on, but suddenly getting those nuns wearing wedding bands.

She's just an old Irish broad. She's an Irish, I think this is, this is Catholic sex ed, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, this is totally how they taught us, but even they didn't tell us this much detail. It's so funny. Yeah.

Yep. Here's our next clip. Yeah. I don't want it. Right up. She did this right after. I don't know. No, she did.

Isn't that cool? Oh boy. Oh, fuck shit. Kind of exciting. So this woman just filled herself with water, rectally. Oh, that's what that is. Yeah.

Oh, wow. Wow. So much. Yeah. I want to see her poop it out. Yeah. Oh, I don't like this. Ugh.

Ugh, stop it. Okey-doke. Kind of cool. You don't like this lane, Christina? I don't like the sound of it sloshing in her intestines. That's the cool part. I don't know about this one. I just feel it's weird that the Irish lady

cut her face out of this one. Yeah. Well, and how did she? She was wearing a latex shirt under her flower dress. Yeah, it's weird. Let's go to the other one. It could slip off or break. Okay.

It's kind of like you can think of it in terms of Russian roulette. What is it? One in six that you're going to die? When you use a condom, it's like you're playing Russian roulette. There is less chance that when you pull the trigger, you're going to get a bullet in your head.

But who wants to play Russian roulette with a condom? But this is what sex ed felt like in the 80s and the 90s. Whoa. This is what it felt like. This is why I was terrified. Oh, get off! Russian roulette, getting pregnant is like Russian roulette. So the next time that somebody wants you

to go to bed with them, with or without a condom, then just picture that you're actually going to bed. It's not just you and him or you and her. It's that you're packing along a loaded revolver with you when you go. Wow. Wow. This combined with marijuana usage will definitely kill you.

Just so you know. If you take marijuana and you get in bed with someone, you will die. But do you trust anybody with a haircut that stupid? I know immediately that this woman is full of shit. Yeah. By her whole appearance. Fucking idiot.

That coat, the scarf, the fucking haircut. The haircut alone. I mean, look how stupid your hair is. Haircut. I mean, she looks like her face should. Yeah, she looks like Shem from the, what is it, Three Stooges? Didn't one of the Three Stooges have a haircut like this?

Yeah. And only that, when you go to bed with that person, you're not just going to bed with that person. You're going to bed with every other person. That person has ever gone to bed with before in their life. So just picture it as if you're all crawling into one bed together. That's me in high school.

That's, there I am. What? Oh shit. She just ran through all those decks. She was like, that's a lot. She was doing the math. She was like, that's a lot of things. It's an infinite regress of dick bacteria.

This is how they talk to us in school. This is why I wouldn't fuck dudes in the fucking 90s because of this. Picture it as if you're all crawling into one bed together. All those decks. That'd be good, huh? What if I want to have sex before I get married? Well, I guess you just have to be prepared to die.

Oh my god. This is how they, I'm telling you, this is. I know. Did you get sex out like this? Of course. Yeah, this was terrible. Yeah, it's really cool. Jesus Christ, man.

Be prepared to die. Die. Yeah, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS, AIDS will kill you. Well, I guess you just have to be prepared to die. Hmm, to have sex. This was nutty. I remember this. I remember this.

This was nutty. I remember this. I remember getting an AIDS test in the 90s and you'd have to use, back in the day, you'd have to wait a week or two to get the results. You never took an AIDS test? No. What the fuck is wrong with you?

In the 90s? Yeah, dude, I'm three years older than you. That means I did three more years of fucking than you did. Yeah, I know. And that's why I didn't have it done in the 90s. Oh my god. While you were whoring around, I was in fucking middle school.

That's true. Yeah, and you're gonna die, Billy. Forget about the gays. Be prepared to die for your cum. That's what she said to them. It was fucking, whew, man. Yeah, I know. It was intense back then.

That really was something. Imagine a pig with tits. So, I would have loved if Norm taught that sex ed class. I think Norm would have a healthier attitude to this lady. I think he would too. She scared him. Oh, we don't do a lot of politics on the show, but did you see this clip of Biden doing this?

No. You checked this out. No. You don't have to cut those teachers and firefighters, police officers, and cut critical healthcare programs or stop work on roads and bridges. So, what does the human cost of lack of state and local fiscal relief look like in Pennsylvania?

Did you get that? Did he cut the cheese? He farted, yeah. He farted on live television. Let's hear that again. He leaned. You can see him lean a little bit. He's got my, he definitely has my vote.

You don't have to cut those teachers and firefighters, police officers, and cut critical healthcare programs or stop work on roads and bridges. So, what does the human cost of lack of state and local fiscal relief look like in Pennsylvania? He heard it. Yeah. He heard it.

He thought he could sneak that one out. Yeah. You move a little bit. After, at that age too, you're probably like, I mean, how much am I trying to conceal these things? We're stop work on roads and bridges, so. He farted. Kind of wet.

It's a little wet. Kind of wet. Do you think it gets harder to hold in your farts the older you get? Definitely. Definitely. We're stop work on roads and bridges, so. He farted.

It's fantastic. On the air. He's got my vote. Do you think that your dad even tries to hold in farts anymore? Never, never, never. Definitely, definitely does not hold them in at all. What year do you think he stopped?

I'm trying. 83. I mean, because he's farted in public places with you, like restaurants and stuff, like he does not care. Doesn't give a shit at all. An evil rip, disgusting, you know, farts to clear rooms. You see this, but this is pretty hilarious.

How do you get a job here in a fuck face? People have left reviews at Falcon Car Wash. Of course. On Yelp. Of course they have. Five stars. Great place to go if you have a scurvy twat, just need feathering.

If you have a bad tooth, it needs to be removed with a wrench. But I tell you what, if you come here and you're not falling proto, you might just might lose your job, buddy. Also, lots of whites around here. And then Norm. I've always had trouble keeping,

keeping not only the outside of my car, but also the inside of it clean. Every car wash I went to before never left me satisfied with a proper cleaning. That all changed when I went to Falcon Car Wash. The associate I dealt with, Conold, followed proto and made sure to fill the inside of the car all the way up with water.

It was spotless. He got out all the poutine stains and the loose teeth out of the crown molding. Holy shit. Five stars. Five stars. Falcon Car Wash. Captain Jay here, former employee,

secret double agent Connelly Peterson was very helpful with removing my bad tooth, feathering my hair, no haircut needed, and helping me wave over a lady with a bag of meth. He did leave my car's moonroof open, which ruined the upholstery, but that's okay. I've learned so many skills. Thanks, Captain Jay.

These are hilarious, man. Mark wrote, I was feathering it one day and decided me and the dog needed to get the car washed. Everyone followed proto, they let me go on with my business inside the car. I run Herkster's tattoo while you, Miss Susan Barbershop, I'm pardoned, okay, let your brain on fire.

These are really funny. If you do leave a Falcon Car Wash five star review, we do ask that you leave it five stars. Please give them the thumbs up review. To Arnold. How confused Falcon Car Wash most be with you. Oh yeah. Really, what?

And to add to the mayhem, we have a new Fedsmoker clip. What? Let's get into it. Now, Americans, I do a lot of hard work out here for you and God. This has nothing to do with the sea. This was one of the best chicks I ever had

in my life hanging out with me. And we were never boyfriend and girlfriend, my mother chariot like that. We were fuck partners. Cool. Well, this is a nice in-depth look into his love life. We never knew what his relationship was. And he's pointing out white vehicles, right?

Those are chariots. Yeah, the white chariots, yeah. Oh, right, right, right. And he really has a thing for those. And he's also really good at flinging his camera around and catching it perfectly and then right back. Right back to him. Like he's done this a lot.

Yeah. And we took it an hour at a time is what I told her. Go an hour at a time. So what I'm looking for now is like 100 to 110 pound long legged, very beautiful fucking tiny ass. I like his, you know, he's putting out there what he likes. Knows what he wants. That's pretty cool.

100 to 110 pounds, beautiful, tiny ass. That's tiny for a woman, 110 pounds. He likes them spinners. Yeah. That's a little girl. Little petite, yeah, he looks like a real petite. Fan too. Oh, okay.

He probably knows what he's looking for. It's almost deformed looking big boobs. Deformed looking big boobs. That would be real big. I'm more of an ass man. I looked at little ass, I can't believe it. Dr. Drew and I were trying to figure out what the hand tattoo was.

It looked like an animal claw. Oh, it's the constitution. I read it. It's all, he has the whole thing there. He's a big fan. Yeah. Are you being serious? He's a legal scholar.

Yeah, he loves America. Yeah. That's why he always starts his videos. All right, Americans, you know. Got you, got you. It's a claw. Well, it looks like there's talons, so it could be in eagles.

America. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know, there's some kind of animal claw thing happening. Just fucking lick that pussy to pieces. What a white chariot or so I imagine. Anyways, that's what I'm looking for.

I seem to never can find it. You can find it. You can find it. Does it cut off there? Like mid-sentence? Yep. I wonder if you would click with Connell. I think so, I was just, I wish you were still alive.

We could do like a dating show for him. That'd be great. Fucking lick that pussy to pieces. There's that girl. Who's that lady that her, the coochie bugs jumped off of her peaches? Oh. Yeah, maybe peaches.

Yeah. They seem wild and kind of free. Yeah. She might like a wild guy like Connell. He's very wild. Yeah. He's very wild. Connell doesn't fuck around, man.

Who would you rather sleep with? Okay. Connell's or Robert Paul Champagne? Man. I gotta say, you'd feel like this could go badly at any moment more with Connell. Yeah, definitely. The unpredictability.

Ultimately, Robert wants you to abuse him. Right, right, that's true. He wants to be hit and pissed on and fucked and you can do whatever, you can shove him over and shit on him. Well, so maybe we should hook up Robert Paul with Connell. With Connell's corpse. That might be, yeah.

Yeah, it'd be great. If they were still alive. But Connell's into 110 pound chicks with tiny asses and deformed tits. Right. They're just not a match. Sorry. But I like what you're thinking,

but I definitely feel like this would be way scarier to be in a bedroom with. Connell, yes, this is energies a little unpredictable. Yeah. You're not sure. And I think it'd be especially terrifying if you're that 100 pound girl with the fucking tiny ass. I think you would be like, oh my God.

Well, what's interesting too, I think, I mean, I have a theory. Is this kind of, these kind of sunglasses? Are rad. They're lunatic shades, right? I mean, like I said, do you play an outfield or are you a fucking meth head? They work for both.

Yeah, it's very distinct that this attracts a particular type of guy. It does. AAA ball players and meth heads. Yeah. Guys that go fast do things fast. Do things fast. I think fast.

I move fast. What's up, Americans? Ah! Ah! So just chill, bro. No chill. By the way, we saw this today. We went for a morning walk.

We saw a lady walking two dogs. Yeah. And one was dyed purple and one was dyed pink. The purple one was really dark in some places, like a ton of dye. And is that animal abuse? You know, I've never had the urge to dye our dogs any color. I know I think taking them to the groomer

is like punishment enough for them. Right. Like I don't, I can't imagine that. But that is definitely for your own amusement. Right, I can't imagine the dog. The dog. The dog's not like, God, I wish I was purple. Yeah.

Maybe it irritates their skin and stuff. It might. Yeah, I wouldn't do that. I don't even really like putting bows and shit on the dog. Because at first when you see it, you're like the fuck? You see a purple dog walk by? Yes. Why is this a purple?

Yeah, and it was originally like a white, poohy thing like that. Yeah, like what are you doing? And then you go, I feel like this is kind of an asshole move, isn't it? Yeah, I think you're kind of a fucking dick. I think it's one thing to shave your cat like a lion. I think that's pretty funny.

Yeah. But like, why are you fucking with a dog? Like stop dying the dog. The dying, it just feels. Like what do you, the dog doesn't want to be pink. I don't know. It just, it seems, it feels wrong. I could be, I don't know, overreacting, but.

No, it's fucked up. It's like, yeah, I'm not into it. I'm not into it. My mother, when my stepdad and my mom stole a dog from a neighbor one time, the shitsu, we had a dog for like a week that they had stolen. And she didn't like the way the dog smelled because it smelled like a dog.

And she would spray Charlie perfume on the dog. What's Charlie? Charlie, it's like a old perfume from like the 80s, 90s. And the poor dog, like I was like, the dog doesn't want to smell like perfume. Dog smells are very important to you, right? Yeah, of course. It was like.

No, the dog would immediately then go lay in the dirt. Yeah, they don't want that stuff. Try to get that off of them. They don't want perfume on them. They want to smell like a dog. Yeah, their whole survival is like. They're aware that they're dogs. Yeah.

They're like, I'm not, you, you're a people. I'm a dog. Yeah, you stupid bitch. I want to be with other dogs. Yeah. We like to smell. And you know what I saw too, the other day is a woman pushing around.

Like, you know, when they do, there's always the older lady with like a baby carriage full of dogs and they weren't elderly dogs. Cause I understand sometimes if the dog is old, they were like young spry Yorkies. Pushing. Listen to this. Three of them.

If you're pushing a dog in a stroller, no offense, but. This is just for white people. It really is. It really is. That's who pushes a dog in a stroller. I know. It's so true. That is so.

Sorry, it's cultural. True. Well, it's, it's insane because dogs like to walk. They, it regulates them when, you know, that's what they do. They walk. Yes. Taking that away from the dog, it's fucking weird.

What's this cartoon? Is that my supposed to play that? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone made a really cool cartoon of, you know, our very own Dr. Drew. Oh, okay. One of our favorite cool guys. All right.

Let's see it. Oh my God. Okay. This is fantastic. And that's Drew in the nurses outfit there. Beautiful. Has he seen this? We have not showed it to him yet.

That's really cool. He's got hairy legs. How much do you think Dr. Drew loves being roped into this world? And by the way, that was brain switch that made that. Brain switch. That's really cool. I want to, I want to send this to Norm.

I think he would just flip for this. Yeah. I mean, he's got pig hooves and he's got, what has he got there? Eight tits. Yeah. And all of them are tattooed. They're all tatted up and he's got pig ears and a pig snout.

It's really, the attention to detail is fantastic. Oh, and there's all those dildos in the corner. And it looks like there's shit on the mattress. It's really nice. It's really cool. Good job. Good job. Should we discuss 90 day fiance before the 90 days?

It's absolute mayhem right now. I mean, are you kidding me? I don't know how you guys, if you're not yet into this show. But get into the current season. I think you need to start there. Yeah. The one that's airing now. You can buy it on iTunes.

You got to get into it because it's just fascinating. Yeah. We just talked to somebody who starts with season one. This is the season. You got to get on this season, the current season. This is the one. There is no other season but this current season. So the latest, I mean, the biggest update I would say

is that you see David, remember the tool with the wig who went six times to the Ukraine to meet his girlfriend. And then it turns out she's actually real. Well, he finally, he's like, I really want to stop communicating through the chat site where you pay and he tells her. He's like, I'd like to get off the chat site now. And you can see her go, fuck,

I'm not going to get paid anymore. I know. And then she's like, yeah, me too. And he goes, so I bought you a phone. He buys her like an iPhone and he gives it to her. And she's like, all right, I guess that's kind of a form of payment. So there's that.

And then this is a spoiler here. If you're watching or if you want to watch a spoiler alert at the airport when he's leaving, he's like, I'm going back. He's like, I'm in love with you. And she's like, and then every time he hugs her, he goes, Stop, there's so much going on. Stop, can you bring up David?

With every hug. Yeah, we need to go, here's a tutorial. I think how we should approach this is a tutorial for men like what not to do because look, I want this guy to succeed. But there's so much shit aesthetically that he could be changing. First of all, he wears this ridiculous leather coat.

Trench coat. It's a trench coat. It's what the fucking Columbine shooters wear. Yeah, totally. Like that's what he wears since 60. He looks terrible. It's a terrible jacket. A black leather trench coat.

It looks like such a fucking D bag. Yeah. And it doesn't even fucking fit, Brew. Like you need to get clothes. You must have clothes that fit. That's rule number one. Nothing fits. Nothing fits.

All the shirts are oversized. Look, you don't have to buy custom clothes. This is the advice I would give to any dude like this. Take your fucking clothes to a tailor, like a tailor shop. A dry cleaner, we'll do it for $10. And they'll make the shirt fit nicer and they'll make the pants fit nicer. He looks like a dick every time he steps out of his room

because his clothes looks insane on him. Douchebag. And the thing is, is like, Lana will totally go for this guy because she's like, he's American, he's the Cato Ferrari because he's sending pictures of himself with a Ferrari. Like if he just made himself look cooler,

this girl would be on board, I think, a lot faster. But you know why he doesn't look like that? Because nobody loves him. Oh, he needs a woman to clean him up. He needs a woman to be like, oh, you look like a fucking tool bag. So let me help you. Like that's what he needs.

You know, when you see a guy in the lobby or at the airport and you're like, look at this fucking lonely bastard. Shlub. Okay, here's, let's start from the top. The hair, obviously, it is too dark. This is like dark brown hair that you have in your 20s. He's 60 years old.

Yeah, stop it. And he has got that dumb fucking thing where the hair goes over the top quarter of his ear. Like anybody wants that, like you want your hair just covering the top half of your ear, like come on, man. That's how mommy cut it. That's what your mommy cuts it.

It's such like, why would you need someone to tell you that looks terrible? That looks terrible. Right, so maybe he's been getting the same haircut for like his whole life, yeah. So you need to update your hair. The hair is garbage. Now, he's not a bad looking guy, he's 60.

So let's go take care of the teeth. The teeth could use a freshening up too, okay? They look a little older. Just go get them freshened. Yeah, and just get some shirts that fit, man. Get shirts that fit, okay? And ditch those polo shirts, get something nice. And set the trench coat on fire.

Oh my God, the trench coat. Even she said it the first time she met him, she was like, everybody else was already saying it. And she was like, he looks handsome, everything, he looks good, maybe not that coat. Look, he's a rapey kid nap coat, he's throwing me off. The trench coat mafia coat, yeah. The guy looks like shit.

This is the best still of the whole show, by the way. He's meeting her for the first time. Okay, and let's go to the sound, the whole line with the sounds. Now, we haven't even gotten to how he acts. So he's hugging her for the first time, and look at how happy he is, and look the arms on her down.

Straight down. Straight down. Yeah. Locked elbows. I mean, she couldn't lock it up. It tells you that somebody is into you, you know? Here's another point. Okay, so let's go to the behavior.

Okay, first of all, he's a wussy who can't even ask, hey, how come you stood me up, bitch? He should have stood up for himself a long time ago. So he's not standing up for himself. She got mad, he did go, I hired a private investigator, she got mad. This is like their first time they hang out, and he goes, I hired a private investigator

because you didn't respond, and all that, you weren't there, and she was like, she's very upset. So mad, because she's a hustler. Okay, so let's go to dinner. They meet finally for dinner for the first time. What does she order? Coffee?

Grapefruit juice. Grapefruit juice, yeah. He orders wine. So what does that say? I don't want to limber up, I don't want to eff you. Of course. I don't want anything to do with you sexually. I'm like a couple dates in,

because he stayed there for a few days, he's like, I'm going to invite you to my hotel room tonight. It's like, oh my God, it's so cringy, if someone's like, I would like you, I would like to propose that you come to my hotel room. I would throw up. Yeah, if he's like, would it be okay

if you were to flake me later in my room? Would you be interested in disrobing and entering my quarters? And she's like, ugh. I mean, it's like, it feels like I'm watching like my dad flirt, like. To your dad, to your dad flirt. You gotta get them talking, all right?

You know what I do is I see if I were single, I would go up to a lady at a coffee shop, all right? And you say, do you prefer sweetener or Splendor? That's what he said one time we asked him. What the fuck? And he goes, yeah. Well, you gotta get the conversation going. Oh, God, sweetener Splendor.

So then they go, oh, that's interesting that you asked. And, you know, then they might say, I use sugar in the wrong. You go, oh, I didn't even think of that option. Wow, that is pretty good. But in reality, don't you think he would be like, now, who do you think which war killed more people? Is it World War II or Vietnam?

He knows so many war stats. Do you know how many Jews died in Vietnam war? That's the first date. That's the first date. No, how many, 287. I'm like, why are you telling me that? That's what he would talk about on his first date. It is a miracle that your dad bagged your mom

at she was like 28 years old in Peru. And like maybe the language barrier was. No, it helped. Let's be honest, it definitely helped. Cause she didn't understand that he was just talking about horrible shit all the time. Yeah, I don't know. Thank God for that language barrier.

He always remembered the bank stuff, the bank tutorial. You go to the bank, all right? This is how he hits on girls, this is how we meet girls. And so you go to the teller and you see her. Oh my God. And you say, you remember what she wore. Let's say she wore a red dress. And then you go back and you see her and you say,

you know, I really like that red dress you have. Oh my God. And then the next week, when you come in on the same day, if she's wearing that dress, she likes you. Yeah. No game, but I think your dad. What are you talking about? That's a one game.

No, but I, how do you think your dad picked up Charo then? What do you, let's call her and figure out. She probably remembers. You know, your mom has an impeccable memory about romance. Let's, does she remember the first thing Top Dog said to her? I'm sure she's playing bridge right now. We tend to call her during her bridge hour, but do you think?

Let's see if we can do, do, do, do, do, do. All right. Here we go. Buddy, she's going to say buddy. Hey buddy. Hello. Hey dad. Hey buddy, how you doing?

Good, how you doing, man? Hey, I want to, I want to ask you something. Do you remember, do you remember what you first said to mom, like when you were, you know, hitting on her or whatever? Do you remember like the first thing you said? Well, I can tell you the first thing I thought, but I can't remember the first thing I said.

Okay. That's cool. I ask you, what's the first thing you thought? Well, yeah. What'd you think about? Great tits and I mean, nice. It's a little bit of tea's cleavage, but not too much. You know, some women overdo it with the cleavage.

She had just the right amount to make the mind wander. You know. Yeah. So, is she around? She's playing bridge. Again? Of course. This is the new normal time.

Will you, will you do me a favor? Will you, can you peek in and be like, hey, hey, Tommy's got a quick question again? Yeah, when you run in there. Okay, thanks. But I have to say like father, like son, with the tits. All right? Yeah.

Hold on. Okay. Let me put a beaker, hold on with that, buddy. I tell you, a day without you commenting on my tits is like. Tommy's got a quick question. Okay, Tommy. Hey, mom. Hi, Tommy.

How's bridge going? Well, as far as you don't mean to rap, it will be better. Hey, do you remember the first thing dad said when he hit on you the first time? When he hit on you. I tried to flirt with you and everything. Yeah. Oh, when he hit on me?

Yeah. Yeah, he called me the queen of, he's so stupid. He called me the queen of the toilet. He thought it was a compliment. What? I swear he thought it was a compliment. He got lost in translation. No.

Lost in translation. What did he say? He said, you're the queen of the toilet and I like that. I guess what? I couldn't speak English. I was with a friend. He was waiting outside the toilet, outside the bathroom. So he goes, oh, my friend came.

That was the queen of the toilet? My friend came. I said, what did he say? And he said, you don't want to know. I said, just tell me what he said. He called you the queen of the bathroom. Queen of the bathroom. What?

Yeah. Queen of the bathroom. Queen of the toilet, excuse me. And then he had a boss who come to the guy who was sitting next to me who was my wife and ask him if we can give him a ride because all of a sudden his car has disappeared. So the guy asked me, he doesn't have transportation. I said, no way.

This guy is coming in our car. Wait, dad needed a ride from you? From the guy who was taking me to the. Oh, and you said no way? And you might want to say, OK. So you didn't give him a ride? No. Did you think he was good at flirting?

Yeah, he's a champion. He considered himself. And guess who I told me? He thinks that he's a flirtatious person. Yeah. And that's how he flirted. Yeah. Do you remember any of his?

Do you remember any of his other lines? Queen of the toilet. What else can you call me? I mean, wonderful, wonderful. He has full time. What piece you mind? No, me gusta to me gusta to. What did you say?

Trucha. Again? Say my kind of Baba for the chucha. That's exactly what you were saying. Oh my god. That's why she's complimented so much. Nice. Dad, do you have any other cool flirting lines you remember?

Yeah, you might give him ideas here. Oh, I think that I'm more into the thoughts than the lines because I realize there's a language. But I was Schmidt, let's face it. This business about guys play hard to get and stuff, I was enthralled from the get-go. With Charo. Oh, yeah.

So what else did you say to get that conversation going? Lift. What else did you say to get that conversation going? Any other lines or thought starters? I don't remember. I don't remember. I don't remember what I said. I just, you know.

Do you like salt or pepper? That's a good one, yeah. What's your favorite color? What's your favorite color? You like fish or meat? Yeah. I like fish. You know, things like, some stupid things like that.

Show me how those big tits fart. Yeah. I still got that picture. I still want to tell you. Of those big tits? There's a great can, Tommy, let me tell you. OK. Oh my god, cool.

Mom, he loves your tits still, mom. I've seen that's what he married me. It is what he married me. He says the first thing he thought of. Listen, she gained a little weight. She's gone up a whole cup size lately. Nice. Oh, wow.

Good. A whole cup size. I will get new fries. I will always think of them as a food source, mom. You will always be a milk factory to me. I like that one. I need to have milk. Always, you think of them as a food source.

You'll always be a milk factory. What does he say to her now, to woo her? What kind of sweet things does he say to her now? Yeah, what do you say now, dad? What do you say now to flirt with mom? Hi, baby. Anything else? I tell you something.

Her boobs have gotten so big that I had to have the underwire put in all her bras. Mom, show them how those big tits fart. And the underwire sets off the medley checkers at the airport. That's a fun one to talk about with TSA. My wife's boobs are so big, we put wire in her bra. That's why the alarm's going off. All right.

All right, I love you guys. You're right. I know. Love you, buddy. All right, have a good bridge game, mom. Bye. Bye. Thanks to you as well.

She said, thanks to you, I lost. We're always calling it bridge time, Tommy. Now, another thing, all right. Sweet, he liked her salt and pepper thing. He was like, yeah, meter fish. He liked that. He, yes, handed you with meat and fish. He really does like.

No. So yeah, he's terrible. So he's terrible at flirting, I should say, not in life. So OK, so here's some no-nos from David with David and Lana. First of all, first of all, it's the asking, right? May I, oh, may I, do you want to come up? Do you want to go to my hotel room? And then of course she was like.

Would you like to join me at my hotel? She was like, yuck, no, you're gross, you're old. Because that's not how you do it. You don't go like, would you like to partake in more intimate time with me? It's fucking so weird. Right, because you kind of feel it when it's happening, and you don't even have to.

It should just be like, should we go? Yeah, that's it. And then you're like, yeah, let's fuck. You just know she's going to go down. OK, and then the cunts do. And you pull your dick out, and you shove it in their mouth. And then you sit on the toilet, and you take shit and call her over. She sits on the couch in the hotel room,

you squat over her face, and you start to just thrust in her mouth. That's how people make love. And then you roll the dice of dying. All right, do you want to die? Do you want to die? Are you prepared to die for sex? So, but anyways, OK, so there's that.

And he has no game. Oh my god, you know what makes me want to vomit, too? Every time he goes, and he hugs her, and he goes, fuck it all. That is so gross. It is. It's pretty gross. And then when he's like, he's like, oh, it feels so good to see you. It feels so, I'm like, oh, stop sharing them, though.

Well, I guess you just have to be prepared to die. But yeah, he does. He tells, he's like, you smell so good, and you feel so good. It's like, god damn, dude. I know, he's just over, you know, he's been so, it's been so long without, I think, intimacy. That's part of the problem. That's why you're not cool.

Yeah, but that's why you're not cool with it, man. Right, it's like you haven't eaten a good meal in 20 years, and it's your first steak. And you're like, holy shit, that's a fucking ribeye. Oh, it's so juicy, and there's seasoning. Every bite has seasoning on it. That's what he's doing for a hug. He's like, oh god, holding you right now.

Because you realize he put seven years of a chat site just built up in him. And he's like, you're real. Pent up. And don't forget, that's his fourth trip to the Ukraine, to the Ukraine, not Utah, the Ukraine to get to meet her. It's like a 28 hour journey. Because he's too cheap to fly direct anywhere.

Every time he came back, like, well, she had to go to her nephew's hockey game, and he's like, the friends are like, dude. And I can't believe that she actually came out of the fucking woods. Let's talk about that. Because my theory is that the producers were like, let's find who this scammer is. And let's pay her, I grab a money, and let's have this bitch show up.

Now, do you think it's really, who is this woman? There's a really cool spoiler alert for you here, but when he is really, really cool. What's letting you know is that she definitely is like, I like gifts, and I like things. And she's like, hopefully, if I go with him, I will go get more gifts. Money is nice.

She's like, she's not hiding it at all. Yeah, there is the time where they go bowling on their date. Oh, god, bowling. And he's like, I used to. So he's like, if I knock them all down, will you give me a kiss? And she's like, OK. And then in this interview, he goes, I used to be a professional bowler.

Right? So he's like, I kind of stacked the deck. He's all pleased with himself. Of course, he gets his strike, and then she's like, and they kiss, and he's like, mm-hmm. But then, at the end of this, they've spent some time together. They're at the airport. Here's the spoiler, OK?

He gets on his knee, and he proposes to her. And she says, yes. Crazy. And then he puts on her finger a Cupid's Arconia, a $200 ring that he bought that he bought that she definitely doesn't realize. She's like, oh, nice. And I must I must I would bet that that night she went home. And then the morning she went to a jewelry store.

Yeah. And they were like, Buzhnipro, Buzhnipro, shh-shh-shh-shh, chip American pickers. Fake. Fake. Yeah. Fake ring. This is not real.

And then she was like, she probably called him. You give me a shit ring? Yeah. He's like, oh, my dear Lana, I'm getting on another plane right now. I just landed in Vegas. Well, because here's the deal, man, is that Lana is a hot Ukrainian babe. She can do so much better than David.

Yeah. You know, I think she just needs to get over here first, dump his ass, and then, you know. I don't think she's been ragdolled, though. That's what she's. She has not been. She needs to be turned out. But she will when she gets to Vegas,

because that's where he lives. And then she'll go meet some high roller who will turn that bitch, yeah, ragged all her, as you like to say. I mean, beat the pussy up. Really pounded, yeah. Tell, stop it. She needs it.

You can tell she needs it. But let me tell you, because I really, when I started to think about this, we were sitting down analyzing this at home, is that it's really actually, like I don't begrudge the women for doing this, because I want to get out of the Ukraine. I want to get out of the Philippines. But to pick the guy who is so desperate and so sad and so

lonely that he's willing to funnel all this cash into empty promises and empty, that is so evil. It is. It's terrible. But here's the difference. When you're doing it over the computer, you don't put a face to it, right? And it's easier to do.

And then you meet somebody, you automatically humanize them, you know? So now you go like, oh, fuck. Yeah, of course, man. And it's harder to keep scamming, basically. If you're doing that to somebody, if you're just like, hey, man, every time you type on this thing, you get a few bucks,

you're going to just keep typing. But you meet that person, and you see them face to face, and you realize that they're like, I mean, the way he looks at her, it's like a fucking kid looking at a fucking box of candy. He's just like, oh my god. These are all wags. They're weird alone guys.

Very wag. I mean, he's the president of the Wag Society. The Wag Club. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and Wag Club is adjacent to the Cool Guy Club. It's right there. You leave a wag alone long enough, and they turn cool. So you've got to be really careful with the wags.

Because a wag gets messed, gets dicked over enough by an Aflana, and he turns cool. You turn cool. Yeah. You're lonely, and then all of a sudden you're cool. And it's not the good kind of cool. No, it's not the good kind of cool guy. I'm looking for girls for pussy.

Yeah. That too. That's when you get desperate, and you can't even have a Lana who's conning you out of the money. So by the way, a bowling date too, I have to say for like, I mean, I think they did it just to get photographs for her visa. I understand they're trying to make

it look like they've been on dates. But in general, a lady on a first date probably doesn't want to put on smelly, rented shoes, and then look dorky as fuck bowling. Date one. You know what I'm saying? You want to look cute and just sit there. I would think that if you had thrown me into that situation,

I'd be like, date one with this chick? She'd probably just go like a nice restaurant. Yeah, spoil her. That's what she wants. Real crazy idea like that, and like, hey, yeah. Get her drunk, get her, feed her. Yeah. Like take her somewhere classy.

Take her to a nice place. Yeah. I would like to bowl with you. Yeah, you want to go. No woman wants to fuck you in your hotel room after bowling, really, not her. That was fun. Return those shoes, and let's go for a stroll.

Ugh. Ugh, uh, that's right. And he's old, he's 30 years, her senior, so. She needs that thing where you go, like she's facing away from you, and you go, you put her legs over your arms, and then you go like her head here, and you push her head down. Oh, yeah, I've seen the pile.

Like that, she's like, communism. Like she just fucking, you just break her of that ideology. OK. That felt like a microaggression. It did, it did. I'm offended. It's turned me on, though. I'm so fucking horny today.

I don't know why I just woke up with an erection again. There you go. Help me out. Yeah, see? He starts as a wagon, turns into a cool guy. Yeah, that was real cool. Where'd you find that guy? That's actually the super cool guy

from a week or two ago that made the Cumnips. That's him? That's Tonetta. That's Cumnips? Oh, gosh. We've been starting to go through some of his library, and let me tell you, we're going to see a lot of them coming up.

Really? Thanks, good. He's a super cool dude. The Cumnips are so revolting. So revolting. It was like 200 loads. Oh, it makes me nauseous just to think about. It is so bad.

They were his loads, right? Yeah. Oh, gosh. God damn it. Well, you know, A for effort and tenacity. Sticking to it has sticktuitiveness. Where do you store your loads? Like in a jar, like a mason jar?

Well, we were watching an interview with them, and someone asked them, why do you use Cumnips? Yeah. He's like, well, because it's cheap. Yeah, that's true. All you need is time, and it's free pretty much. Nature's material. So it's lunch here?

What's the status right now? What are we doing? Yeah? Yeah, OK. Cumnips. Yeah, yeah. Let's get to that here in a moment. First, somebody made a video game of Mr. Grick

wrestling Bert, right? Great. It's pretty cool. Yeah, they took the WWE wrestling game. I look a little different. Look at this. His schedule for one fall, making his way to the ring, accompanied by.

Whoa, cheap shot. Damn. Bert hit me from behind. That's not cool. What the hell? And then he's throwing me into the ring. Bert looks way more muscular here. Yeah.

Let's be honest, OK? That's a little over the top. Oh, my. He kicked me. Oh, clothesline. Oh, my gosh. Jumping off. Oh, I did a flip.

Oh, this is awesome. This is great. Very exciting stuff. I really like it. And it says Christine on the side there. Wow. What a drop. Oh, Mr. Grick.

Where's your turkey slicer? I have my got-come bandana on. It's really cool. I love that they kept that going. Those guys have really enjoyed the got-come guys. They were like, thanks for the plug. They've been very thankful. They have been very nice.

And I hope your cum stuff sells well. You know what's great is that they even got, when you wore the Zorro eye covers. Oh, yeah, under the shades. That's pretty cool that you can just build these characters like that in the game. Yeah. They let you do a lot.

Yeah, the WWE wrestling game. That's great, man. Wow. That's great. Very good. I'm supposed to do a phone call with a wrestling organization. No. What kind of a call?

Talk about options, man. OK, shit. I'll fill you guys in later. Damn. Damn. It's happening? Could be. Wow.

I don't know. I'll see where it goes. It's exciting. It's pretty wild. There's another couple of things happening in the wrestling world. Oh, dear. All right.

Well, I'm excited. Yeah. Park it for now. How's that McLaren, by the way? You enjoying that? You know the neat part is that it only cost, how much did that one cost us? Which one?

The one that I really liked? Yeah. It's not bad. It was $400. Yeah. That was great. $400 grand. Yeah.

And you get a cool car. It's such a great car. I know it's beautiful. Beautiful, but I mean, it handles the drive's unbelievable. Crazy power. Yeah. I got, I woke up with an erection thinking about it.

I know you do. I know. I know, I'm glad that these cars bring you joy. It is nice in these times that you have something. I know, and I've been going on drives more. Like Matt showed me definitely a couple really fun roads to drive that I'd never driven before. It really changes.

Like it became like a stress relief. I've been lifting weights and driving. Yeah. And when I say it shows, your weight liftings very handsome. You look great. Thank you. You're very handsome. Four days a week, every day of the week.

Yeah, you look fantastic. Yeah. And that's why I was like, you know, you've got this new bod. You're not really mentioning my tits a lot these days. Oh, it got you worried? A little concerned. Yeah. Well, you still got huge tits, and that ain't no shit.

Thanks, James. Just like your dad. Yeah. Is that what you noticed about me? What did you like about me the first time we met? I think a picture of you sitting there at the Cat Club. I mean, the first thing I thought was like she fucks. You had like.

Oh, stop. No, you did. You had boots on, fishnets. Come on. What do you think? You think I thought you were a fucking good girl? Well, you make it sound like I was wearing like Street Walker. Like a prostitute.

Yeah. No, I had cool camper boots. They were under the knee, fishnets. But then like a skirt that was right above the knee. So do prostitutes. That's what I was saying. It was like a cool prostitute. And I was like, talk to her.

See what's up. You're smoking. I was like, she definitely fucks. Yeah, you like that bad girl persona. You need to get covered. There I am. There you are. Right there.

I see you. Yeah. Yeah. That was my look. Is that leg open showing what it is showing her stuff? Yeah, we're going to blur that. I mean, can I see it since it's already up? Yeah, that's what I saw.

You saw the vagine? That's how I was sitting in the cat club. That's how you were sitting in front of the cat club. Just like that. And I was like, oh, she's cool. That's funny. You really didn't like my bad attitude. Yeah, man.

I thought you were a suicide girl. I thought you were going to pull this down and be covered in tats. And I was like, what's up? I love it. Should we break and then come back and finish the rest? Sure. Yeah, let's do it.

Let's do it. That was a great lunch. We were fuck partners. We had a good time. The whole crew had a nice break. That was fun. I love having lunch with this crew. It's my favorite part of the day.

It is a good time. So we had a great time. So as we mentioned a few weeks ago, we were very excited that Satva offered us the opportunity to do a giveaway. So we asked for your submissions. You came in hot with a lot of submissions. We actually had to filter through them,

kind of pare it down quite a bit. We also probably should have been more clear in the submissions that the triple X rated ones. We can't really play. I realize that's our fault for being you. That's totally unbranded with the show. That's true. But I don't know that the brand, the sponsor,

is dying to see that. Really? Yeah. It's just a guess. They didn't tell me. But it's just a guess. You have a nice corporation who wants to have people just staying.

Well, the guys here were telling me about some of the submissions. And I was like, yeah. So anyways, here are some of the submissions for a Satva, a free Satva mattress. Let's see what we got here. Here's the first one from Aubrey. Here we go. Hey there.

My name's Aubrey. I am a phlebotomist at a hospital. And I'm doing my best as a frontline worker and as a mom of a six-year-old to get sleep at night. But I'm not. We could actually apply to get a discount on a mattress for being a frontline worker. And I was told no because I wasn't a nurse.

So to have a new mattress would be awesome. But I also just want to thank you guys out there for making these podcasts to help me get through my mornings on my way home, not crashing into a wall. So thank you. Bye. How do we even look at another submission, you son of a bitch? We picked the good ones.

I mean, why didn't you put that last? You should see the next. Oh my god. Oh, shit. It's going to be a very hard decision. All right. Oh, boy. So Aubrey, first of all, thank you for doing what you do.

We very much appreciate you, frontline worker, man. It's going to be tough to. Yeah, mother of geese, please. Who's up next? This is Ben. Is that what I'm seeing? Yeah. Benny?

Benny. Hey, jeans and mommies, longtime listener and longtime cool guys club member. Anyways, I was just listening to the podcast a minute ago when you announced the soccer contest. And it's weirdly coincidental for me that this morning I discovered I had a bed bug infested. Oh, my infested bed frame and my crappy 10 year old mattress.

I've just been trying to vacuum into all the nooks and crannies and put down diotomous earth. That's why I got my respirator here. Put all my clothing and bags, yada, yada. So if I were to win the soccer contest, it would be an absolute blessing in the skies. So I'll keep the video short and follow Proto. Peace and love.

Keep feathering it, brother. You guys rock my world. Thank you for your podcast. It sparks a lot of joy. Oh, Ben. That was a very nice one. Benny. And he's definitely in need, which is it's nice to see.

I mean, it's not nice to see that he's in need, but you know what I mean. How horrible are bed bugs? Have you ever had experience with them? I've thought that I mean, I've stayed in some real shit hotels. Me too. I've had something on me.

Either that or some guy came in the middle of the night and nibbled on my legs. Somebody with some questionable dental work. You know what I mean? Bike through cigarettes and shit. All right. Up next, Bobby, let's see what he has. Hey, Tom.

Christina, super huge mega fan. Have watched every single podcast episode on YouTube. Listen, why I should win this. My family and I lost everything we owned in the wildfires here in Northern California. I mean, everything got burnt down. I lost everything. I got a real bad back.

I've been battling cancer. I could go on and on, but the clip's got to be short right now. All I have to sleep on is this futon. And it's destroying my back. I have nothing. And I could really use this. I mean, a miracle, please.

All right. Jesus, you're really doing the hard string submissions this time, huh? Bobby. All right. Here is Brian's submission. What's going on? It's Brian from Cornwall.

I just wanted to do a video instead of a text or a call about the bed just in my living room here. And I don't know. I've been here since bit 730. Yeah. And I got my iced water here and my laptop. So I'm very busy. My laptop's actually charging.

So I can't really do any work right now. I just have to enjoy the view of the street. And yeah, so I have to take care of my baby. And she keeps me up most of the night. So the least you guys could do is humor me with a free bed. Yeah, shoot me a text. I don't know if I'd say my name at the beginning. It's Brian.

That's pretty good, man. That's a funny one. You did a very good take on Charles. Yes. Charles. What's going on? What's going on? It's Charles.

It's Charles. Oh, Sierra. I'm thinking. What's going on? It's Charles. Yeah. Say run, eat o'clock, eat 15. All right.

That was really good. Oh, Charles. Good job, Brian. Brian did the Charles take. All right. I'm thinking Lily's. Yeah, who doesn't want a free mattress, man? Here's Brianna.

Todd and Christine, I hope you pick me to win the SOTFA mattress because I've unfortunately outgrown mine. Oh, man. Brilliant work. I really like this one. I really like it. And you know what, she has a pug mask. You know how specific that is to get an adult pug mask?

But I liked that it got weird. Yeah. She knows how to tug on our heartstrings, that one. That was great. That was really good. Here is Katie. I'm here in Yukon, Oklahoma. The only hospital is on Garth Brooks Boulevard.

And I have fallen for that shit. So I had to give birth to my whole white baby on my mattress. Oh. I really need a new one, but I can't be Romany Street shopping for one. He likes that. Wow. Well, that was really amazing.

That was amazing. That's what the Garth take. That was really good. Really good. Katie and Brianna so far. That's really funny. Hi, Christine and Tom. This is Chris, I'm moving from Seattle, Washington

to Los Angeles, California. Quit my salary job during the global pandemic and took a commission-only job. You both have spoken to working really hard in your life to get to where you are today. And that's what I'll be doing. But unfortunately, with my car completely full of my items, there's no mattress on top.

And I don't have a bed. I have a sleeping pad. So that soft of a mattress would do me very well. Your YouTube has kept me smiling through some tough times in my life this last year. Whoever gets this mattress will deserve it. Appreciate everything you guys do. I'll be keeping it high and tight and following Proto

and feathering it in LA just for you guys. Have a great one. That's good. Congrats on your move. Yes, and good luck. Good luck to my man. Welcome to LA. Here is Colin.

Hey, Tom and Christina. Sorry for the mess, but I'm in the middle of work right now. So this is why I think I deserve a soft of a mattress. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Sorry about that. About to have some stains on my old mattress, as you can see, but I love you.

I cherish you. And I hope you guys have a wonderful day. All right, bye now. God. That one seemed geared towards you. Yeah. That was pretty cool. You gotta wonder what that's like, don't you?

Nope. What part? Being a guy like that, like a real guy like that. That murders people on his mattress. All right, don't take it so far. Can we see the next one? Just met, had somebody tied up. All right, next one is from Jake.

Come on, mommy's watching, mommy's watching. Hi, Hitler. I'm Jake Duel. I'm 19 years old. I've been watching the show since I was 16. I've been dealing with Lyme disease since I was three. During the treatment process, I lost the ability to hold in my urine for about three years.

So my piss spot was my mattress. After COVID, I'm getting a double meniscus transplant. I also saw that Sapa has an adjustable base. So maybe with that, I wouldn't look like such a talk when I'm getting out of bed. I interned as a photographer at SNL. I've taken photos of Christina's favorite Billie Eilish, and I work with some of the biggest TikTokers in the world.

I put all this shit on my LinkedIn, and I don't have much funds. If you guys sent me a mattress, I'd like that. Wow, great video. Great job, Jake. It's really funny. Rachel. Hi, mommy's.

My name's Rachel, and this is my submission for the Sapa mattress giveaway. This mattress, the mattress I sleep on every single night, I cannot put into words how crusty and gross and uncomfortable it is. I've had it since the eighth grade. It is so old and gross and uncomfortable, and my essential employee paychecks are not cutting it.

I cannot afford a new mattress. And one more thing, I am always feathering it. That should be reason enough. Thank you so much. Bye. That's very sweet. Rachel, young lady. Not a lot of funds when you're that age.

I know. Shanta. Mommy's. Shanta here. Great meeting you guys the other day. As you can see, I have no crown molding, no fans. I did all of this by myself. Why do I think I deserve a Sapa mattress?

Well, for the past seven months, me and my girlfriend have been living on an air mattress. Just about a month ago, we got a hole in it. And the amount of gorilla glue, sealant, or duct tape is gonna cover that up. So now we've just been living on a mattress topper. As you can see. Oh, no.

Straight onto the floor. Jesus. No good. And as you can see, we have the air mattress pump just waiting for us, in case we have to buy another air mattress. Shanta with the air mattress, all right? Man.

You're making this difficult. I feel like it was easier last time. Well, you know, just gotta produce a good contest, right guys? That's right. We're almost done. This is Steven Willow from Boulder, Colorado. Thanks for this opportunity.

I was in the hospital a couple of months ago from my back and my physical therapist recommends that I get a firmer mattress, but I'm on furlough right now from the restaurant industry. So we really appreciate this opportunity and chance. Thank you so much. And we're keeping them high. And we're keeping them tight.

Oh, god damn it. Put the Willow in there, cute. Breaking my heart. Last one, is that? Hey, mommies. My name is Zach, and I'm gonna give you my sob story. So at the beginning of the year, I made a pretty big move up from San Antonio to West Virginia

and did it by myself, of course, because I'm a big boy now, but I had to leave everything behind as well. So we got hit with these Corona times and essentially I've been sleeping on a pile of towels on the floor since I haven't been able to buy a mattress. So, you know, it's embarrassing. I can't date. I can't bring a girl home to a towel on the floor.

No. So help me out. It's on me, beat me. I'm on here now. Okay. All right. Oh, gosh. This is quite a list, man.

Yeah. Thank you guys for submitting. I know that there were dozens and dozens more submitted that we couldn't get to all of them, but thank you very much. All right, so now we gotta pick a winner. I guess we're gonna vote. Okay.

So looking at this list and looking at all the marks, they were all good. They were either heartbreaking or hilarious, which yeah, that's the way to go. I think it's hard for me to choose anyone other than our first Aubrey, the pandemic nurse. No, she's a phlebotomist. Sorry.

She's not a pandemic nurse. She said that because she's not a nurse, she can't get assistance, just to be clear. Oh, okay. In her video, she's a phlebotomist. Not that, is it, is that mad? I don't know what that is. It's a blood person.

They look at blood. So it's actually a fucking dangerous kind of job. Okay. She looks at people's blood. Well, I'm glad you, sorry, is that being annoying? I just don't wanna, she says I'm not a nurse. That's why I can't afford. Okay.

I can't get certain privileges forever. Gotcha. Does that change your answer, Tom? Yep, I don't like her anymore. I'm a nurse advocate. No, I thought she was very sweet. And she is on the front lines. I think it's commendable.

And that's my vote. That's what I'm choosing. That's a good one. I think that's a good one. I agree with you. I think Aubrey is the good one, yeah. But I wanna choose, can I choose someone too? Sure, that's what we're doing, we're voting.

Okay, all right, just checking. Now, I had a hard time, because what I'm looking at is, yeah, these videos are funny. I like all these people. I want everyone, I wish I could give a mattress to everyone, but I'm gonna look at who's got the hardest way. Do you know what I'm saying?

I feel like Bobby is like that guy's got it hard. You know what I'm saying? Cancer, fires, destroyed his stuff. And I also like Jake, the 19-year-old kid with Lyme disease. I mean, how the fuck do I choose between those two? It's like, here's the deal, man. Jake is 19, he's young, he's got chutzpah. He's gonna scrape together money,

eventually, to buy himself a mattress. Bobby? Not so sure he can do it. All right, so Tom is arguing that Aubrey should get it. And then, Christina, you're arguing that either Bobby or Jake should get it? I'm gonna go with Bobby, because I think he's really, really in a hard way,

and I don't think he can ever get on his own. Yeah, I'm gonna say Bobby. All right. See, I'm really, I like people that kind of circumvent the way to please our sponsors, where a lot of these submissions is like, damn, we could barely get any show references in here, and still have it be cool for the sponsors

to be part of the content. You're looking at it as a producer, essentially. Right, and so what I like are people that are able to get show references, and on the surface, it just seems weird, but deep down, it's like, oh, okay, this person gets it. And with that, I think I'm like, I wanna say Breonna gets it,

because I really think that the pop play has always been one of my favorite lanes. It's a great lane. And she did such a good job, it was so funny. Yeah, and it just seems like, oh yeah, I'm just a responsible pet owner, just trying to hang out with my dog during this pandemic, you know?

Yeah. So, I mean, I know all these other people are sick and tired, and they deserve beds, but my vote's for Breonna. Wow, bold. Now it comes to, there's the final three. It's like, what are we gonna do, right? Choose a winner.

I say, we give all three mattresses. All right! All three. Three mattresses. Three mattresses of your choosing, you pick whichever one you want from the Sotpa lineup, and they will send it to you,

and then everybody else that we played in this segment, they're gonna get bedding from Sotpa. What, they're gonna get the pillows and the sheets. Yeah. Fantastic. Everybody gets something, but those three will get mattresses. Holy shit. And the rest get luxury, awesome bedding. Luxury, awesome bedding.

Which we sleep on the Sotpa bedding every night, and it's fantastic. They do? It really is phenomenal. Yes, I love it. Okay, so I guess we'll reach out through the podcast email, and we'll notify them that they won,

and we'll notify the winners, and then connect them to the Sotpa people, and we're good to go. Awesome. So thank you to everybody for submitting, and thank you to Sotpa for making it happen. Very, very exciting. All right, let's go here.

Is this toddler gonna, is it bad? It's not terrible. I think I'm gonna skip over that one. Yeah. I think you'll like it. I think you'll like it. Really? Is it like, it's not fucked up to play right now? I don't think so. Okay, let's see.

Delilah, let's go to the park. He's not allowed to. Why can't we go? Fucking Chinese? Oh my God. Somebody taught that kid how to blame the Chinese for the virus. This is hilarious.

This is basically what I do to my mother when I talk to her. I give her the whole pitch. I'll be like, the fucking wet markets, and they're eating bats, and she's like, what? I go, that's why, because they're eating snakes and bats, well. I tried to get her to do that on the Spanish podcast.

I gave her a whole thing. I was like, the fucking Chinese, they did this, and then she wouldn't take the bait, so I was like, how about the gypsies? I tried to get her to go on the, I tried to walk her into those. She wouldn't do it. Yeah. Well, that's interesting.

It's nice though to have a child do it. Yeah, well, people are like, why are people racist? Well, that's exactly how you do it. You gotta start young. You gotta start. You have to teach them this stuff. You gotta teach them, and then they can learn. What is the N-word?

So. Yeah, you have to teach them when they're talking. Well, let me teach you. Fucking Chinese. How do you, could you imagine teaching our three-year-old that? Oh my God. That's crazy.

I'm already a third. Yep. Fucking Chinese. You know, all this is going on in our nation right now. I think it's important to remind you. Any. You really need to take a shit. I know you're black, and you guys do your own thing,

but you still have to shit. That's right. That's right. Charo bringing our nation together. You guys do your own thing. You do your own thing. Shitting is his own thing. That's what he does.

Yep, you know how it is. Ooh, my soundboard just crashed after that. You think it's a message? Yeah. Yeah, it kind of feels like it. That just totally crashed. Oh, wow. Yeah.

You think God punished you for that one? I think he did, actually, yeah. Fucking Chinese. Fucking Chinese. Big words. All right, what's this? Oh yeah, this guy, I'm kind of, what is this here? Oh, faggot.

Oh, sorry, I didn't know that was on my chops. I don't know. I don't know, I just saw a thing here. Sorry, it will just change. Wait a minute. What was it labeled? It says Bert. That's all it says.

It just says Bert? Yeah. Oh, for sure. I'm having chest pain. Sorry. I'm having chest pain. Is that Bert, too? When I see a button with Bert.

I turn it to a telescope. I always get excited. How has Bert's weight during this pandemic? He's been doing well. Yeah? He looks good. Dieting? He's been running a ton, man.

Good. He's on his treadmill every day. Good. Yeah, and he's drinking less boxes of wine. He's doing good. Okay, so this is one I haven't seen. Let's check this out here. Cool guy.

You really have to be suspicious of the people who make fun of you over the internet, because they never show their true face. That's right here. And if you ever meet anybody that makes fun of you off the internet, you could usually see a red flag. They just look like they do drugs.

This is the guy. Sure. Okay. You're looking at him. Isn't this guy, he looks like a previous cool guy. God. Well. Oh, shit.

He looks like I went right now, right now, right now, right now. That's what he looks like. Is that him? It looks like him. It looks like he gained weight, and that looks like him. Could be.

You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Yeah. Can you dive in there? Yeah, that kind of. Can you go into Cool Guy Classics right now and find that guy? Right now, right now.

Yeah, if you go in there, I think you have it on your laptop. I do? Mm-hmm. I'd say just search for it right now, right now, and it'll probably come up. Okay, tell me if this is him. Well, he's shirtless in this one.

I don't recall him being shirtless before, and it looks like he's been using tick cups, because his breasts are larger than they were before, too. Okay. Right now, right now, right now, right now. Damn. Oh, there he is, there he is.

Yeah, is this him? Tom. Tom, dude. Tom. Fucking I, dude. Wow. You nailed it. That's him, right?

That's him, right? Yeah. Dude, how did you fucking, how, wait a minute. That memory. He's completely different. His hair is different. That's like that mouth.

He's got a cool guy vault. Tom, he doesn't look as good. He was shirtless in the original. How could I have said that? Oh, that's right, he's in Spokane. That's right. I remember that, too. Yeah.

His hair is longer, a little darker. It doesn't look as healthy. For people that don't know, can you give him a little taste here? See where this goes. I want an adult hottie in my lap right now, under 26 right now. No frills, no excuse.

Big titties and intelligence. I don't care if she's a hoodwrap, punk rock, or any kind of anything. As long as she's hot and here right now, I'm a 37 year old dick right now, right now, right now, right now, right now. Yeah, that's the right now guy. And that's him?

Hey, let's play the new guy. I don't know, I don't know if it's him. So pumped right there, he's so fired up. Or they just look like they don't shower. Or they just look like they're fucking assholes. Or they look like they're bigots. Like they'll call you a creep or something. When they might as well just go into an area

and call a black dude the n-word. What? What? What? What? What are you talking about? Doesn't make sense. Okay.

Because that guy was really pumped when he was talking. Oh, this is like a manic state over here. Yeah. And this could be, yeah. Wait, in which video is he in a manic state? Right now, right now, right now. And he's normal in the long-haired version? Well, for him, yeah.

He's chiller. Yeah, for sure. Matt. I mean, that guy's like, he's like 27 years old, he's bouncing on my dick right now, right now, right now. Well, I mean, I think he was performing.

You know, he was reading a poem that he wrote. Yeah. Like I think he's doing spoken word. Could be, could be. Is it the same guy? I think it is. I mean, it makes sense because the shirt list, the presentation.

I don't know. Things have just changed, yeah. He's a little older. Yeah, it makes sense. It keeps, yeah. These are obvious retards. I know retard is an ableist term, but I mean, people that have mental disabilities

like Down's syndrome, I don't consider to be retards. People I consider to be retards are people that support Trump, people who support corporate Democrats, and people who talk to women like they're on Jersey Shore. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Oh, jeans. Okay. So he had a total change in his approach to things. Like he doesn't even respect people that talk to women like they're on Jersey Shore, let alone ranting and raving, how you need them bouncing on your dick

right now, right now, right now, right now. Look, to be fair though, this hit, the past him, that was him high on meth, and he doesn't do meth anymore. You can tell because he's gained the weight and he's sublimating that knee for meth and he's eating chicken nuggets, dude. Yeah.

He's fine. He's better now. Take mercy. Obvious retards. Okay. That's true. Yep, that's true. They just look like they do drugs.

I can't believe you fucking remember that guy's face. I mean, it just really seemed like it to me. That's an amazing memory. Jeans, for all the psycho cool guys we've seen over the years, that was impressive. Yeah. I am impressed. You had the cool guy, the cool guy right over there.

Yeah, it's strong. In my head all I hear all day. I know when I see it and I know when I see it. I know when I hear it. The cool guy club. Yep. It just happened in your heart. Man.

And I do, I liked the way, I liked the way that he just broke that down for us too. That was also really, really nice. You learned the lesson when he came down for meth. Yeah. He was like, that wasn't nice. You would be required to make daddy come. I don't like that guy either.

Having their pussy's like that. Okey-doke. I don't like that. I'll make you come. Yuck. I see their images every time I hear their voice. I'm like, mm-hmm. Can I do that guy?

Just let me eat you. Don't like him. I don't understand why everyone was a fucking stupid idiot. I like him. He jacked up and forged, drove. I like him. So this is the type of guy you get. I love him.

Yeah, he's the best. I don't like the one where he goes, come now. The magician, the come magician. Oh yeah, they come now. I don't like that guy. I'm a smitty. Yeah. That guy.

I like his name to be honest. Hitler. What was that one? That was different. The girl. Come for me. That one. I don't like that guy.

Come now, heart. Nope. Squirt. Squirt. Squirt. Stupid. Mm-hmm. Squirt.

Yeah, man. So creepy. Woo! Tommy, Tommy Johns. Tommy Johns. And he's alter ego. I don't know, but he went down the wrong path as you saw in that last episode.

Yeah, we covered it on Dr. Drew After Dark. Just so you know. What did he say? What did he say? Johnny Johns. It looks like he's going through a bipolar. This is the downside of a manic episode. And psychosis.

Oh, cool. And then a psychotic stuff going on, you know? Seems like a fun ride. All right. Woo! Yeah, well, it was right. Okay, I think we should roll. Come for me now.

Tom, do the noise. Come for me now. Come now, heart. Yeah, come now, heart. Come now, heart. Ugh. That is so, you know what that's as bad as? What?

Mm, the hug, the mm. Do it, come for me now. Come for me now. Oh, get off! Come now. Yeah, I'm going to come here. Yeah, I'm going to come here. Yeah, I'm going to come here.

I am so signing up for fucking RBCs only fans. And I'm so excited to look at your feet. Yeah, it's going to be great. Can we click on it just to see what it, what it, no, you're not allowed to. I have prepped what we can't see. Got you, got you. I mean, the rest of it, you know,

it's like we're trying to promote it if we're showing everything. Yeah, that's true, that's true. Yeah, you don't want to. We're just teasing it. So he's, his peener is out like all the time on OnlyFans? It is so wild that the world is where it is today where this guy will now be able to get paid to do this.

I know. He's been doing this. This is a life he's been living. You've been getting this for three the entire time. Realer than RPC in these streets, living a life that, I mean, seriously, he's been, this is no different than what he's been doing. He's like, I can get paid to do this.

This is amazing. You know, it just goes to show, it just took time and technology to get around to what he was doing. Much like us in our career, you know what I mean? Like, wouldn't it be great if we could just sit around and talk about farts all day and then podcasting came along.

And it was like peanut butter and chocolate, fudge and caramel together. It was perfect. It was just everything. Regression, water, food, sports, all. Anything goes. Peers and drugs, man. Smack me around.

Good. Make her say, go ahead and find me so we can make this motherfucker shit happen, motherfucker. I love it. More, more, more, more. Come on. I got the fever for it. I think it, man.

You want to take me to the hall later on? Do the hall. You want to do the hall? Yeah, do the hall, too. You want to do it here, man. Yeah, you want it, man. Come on, motherfucker. Man, rough creeps, fucking homing.

I'm a fucking, fucking guy in the cock sucker. Dick sucker. Like a black dick, baby. Come on, baby. Let's fuck. Give me a call. Give me a call. Give me a call.

You know what I love about him? Is that he's got the freedom with his naked body, the way that our children do. You know, our sons run around naked, baby. And they're so unashamed. They have no shame. They love their bodies. They're unaware.

They don't have any self-awareness. No. And he has a similar love of his body. It's a beautiful thing. Yes, a joie de vivre, if you will. I love it. And he's very inclusive. He's always talking about black and Latino men.

I think it's important during this time. The nation's going through a lot, and you have a guy like Robert Paul Champagne saying, we can all come together. That's true, Tom. Inside me. Inside me. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And the police? Are you kidding me? Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. So intense. Oh. So intense. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, yeah. Oh, baby. Oh. Oh, wow.

Oh, man. Oh. No. Oh. Oh. Not the lick. Not the lick of a hand. Oh, baby.

I can't see a motherfucker man. Yeah, you want to fuck, huh? So much sweat and oil. I like though, see, this is what I was trying to say before. You have to include the police in the conversation. You have to be willing to communicate with them. And that's what he's doing here. He's trying to show you.

That's right, Tom. He's building a bridge between two communities. He's building a bridge. He's saying, we need you to participate in the dialogue as well. You know what I'm amazed by is how he can ejaculate standing up. So easily. It can be done. But I just, I didn't think it was preferable, right?

I mean, it's not really how you want to. I imagine, man, do you guys sit down when you ejaculate? No, you don't have to be. You don't have to be. Do you masturbate standing? You can, yeah. This one does? I mean, just to see if I could do it.

Sure. But I don't prefer it. I mean, it's not, every time you jerk off in the shower, usually, you know. Oh, right. Yeah. You ever done that? Ever? Do you pee in the shower?

Yeah, I pee in the shower. Thank God. Okay. And he shook his head. Did we already do this? You don't pee in the shower? Ever? We did this.

I don't pee in the shower and I don't pee in pools. You guys are monsters. Oh, that's right. No, that's right. You do. What about Zolo? Zolo's a decent boy. Do you pee in the shower?

I'll pee in the shower, but I definitely don't pee in pools. No. Why? What are you? Not even in, like, a public pool? Mormon? No, I don't want to swim in it. But that's what the chlorine is for.

Will you pee in the ocean? Yeah. Yeah. But pee in the shower, do you, like, do you aim for the drain or do you just let it go anywhere? I aim for the drain. You do? Yeah.

Do you ejaculate standing up? I have. I don't prefer it. You don't prefer it. You prefer to lay down, I'm assuming? Yeah, or sit. Or sit. Right.

I mean, don't most men, I assume, prefer. Sit? What do you sit? Like on a stool or something? But Annie's saying, no, no, I like to stand in jizz. What? Why? I don't know why.

It's a challenge. It's a challenge. Annie's into the suffering. Always with the suffering. What is going on? The guy likes to test his limits. What are you going to do? Oh, wow.

Well, you know, RPC's really into those nipple clips, too. Yeah. And he likes to use the old school ones. Come, come again. Oh, come, oh, come. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. It's such a performance. Yeah.

It's really, really elaborate. I mean. And that's why OnlyFans wants you. To jump on board. OnlyFans.com slash Robert Champagne. Get started today for how much? Yeah. I think you could get like a 30 doll.

Like for $30, I think you could get a three month package. Oh my God. The bigger the bundle, like the cheaper it gets for you. And I think he even has like a free week preview. If you're not sure. What? You want to just dip your toes in. And let me tell you, RPC is a giver.

This guy gives content. And by the way, he's been saying on his bio since he was, we found him online, porno actor. Yeah. Says that. It's always said that in his bio, like on his Instagram and stuff. It says like artist, whatever, porno actor. So now he's getting to like live his dream.

You know? It's really, really sweet. I like watching him blossom. He's really blossomed since we've been following him. Oh, he's blossoming. Yeah. This is nice. Oh.

Oh. Come on, baby. Don't keep it waiting, man. Don't keep me waiting, man. I don't know why I love it. I like it. I think Karen and Bogac, it makes me happy. Yeah.

That's great. I think it doesn't turn me on, but it makes me happy. What are you talking about? That doesn't turn you on. Well, he's gay. That's the hottest fucking thing I've ever seen somebody do. What are you talking about? God.

Do you think it feels extra good for him? That's why he can come that loud. What do you mean? Like, it must feel really good for him because he's really making a big to do about it. Oh, you're saying more so than other people? Yeah. He's just so excited. It's possible.

I mean, we'd have to run some tests to see if it actually is better for him than other people, but it is really an elaborate show. Get off. Yeah. Most people, you know. You don't. You know, Bogac like that. I mean, not like that.

Not like that. I don't hear you doing that kind of thing. That first one was just like the mother of all loads. Let's hear it again. Let's hear it again. Really? I think it's funny. Okay.

Yeah. We don't we all need to hear him come today. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Dude, he really is a porno actor. No, I think it's fantastic. I mean, to do that alone, that's alone. There's not another person there.

I know where you're going. And the male porn acting world doesn't have a lot of stars anymore. He said it sounds like he's watching his parents die. That first one, definitely. It's like, it sounds like he's watching a horrific thing happen. Oh, no. Oh, no. But you bring up an excellent point.

What's that? He would be really good. If anybody watching produces porn, I would say approach RPC. No. Maybe just let him keep doing the only things. Oh, I think he would be talented with that theatrical flair that he has. He's a good performer. He certainly has that.

He certainly has that. He's interesting. I like watching him. I can't say that for most male porno actors. Yeah. This guy is really entertaining. He's entertaining. He's committed.

And that's why he's not only friends. Charisma. He's got a lot. There's different actors, characters. Well, look, if you're out there and you want to work with them, you can definitely reach out. We're huge fans. Congratulations, Robert, on joining your fans only, as you say.

All right. We should run. Thanks for watching. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next week. All right, guys. I love to fuck. Fuck little people.

I'm sure a hot black guy who wants to fuck for $24.95 is one of the more than you can imagine. It was fun. It was a lot of fun. I mean, how could you fuck a lot? You know, get a free food. Free lunch. You know.

You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know.

You know. You know. You know.