Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 564 - Johnny Pemberton - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: August 12, 2020

SPONSORS: - Get $225 of your order at saatva.com/theshit - Go to GetQuip.com/MOM right now and you’ll get your first refill FREE. - Get a 4-week trial PLUS free postage AND a digital scale without any long-term commitment. Just go to Stamps.com, click on the Microphone at the TOP of the homepage and type in MOM. - Get the most out of your streaming services today at ExpressVPN.com/yourmom. If you use my link, you’ll get an extra three months of ExpressVPN for free. Tom Segura and Christina P start off this episode of Your Mom's House by discussing all the San Fernando Valley has to offer, and a particular cool gal they saw at the stoplight on their way to the studio. This prompts a conversation about why crazy chicks are good in bed. Jean and Jean then give an update on the status of their bike repair, before calling Alister Thorn aka Fedsmoker's nemesis to discuss the late great Conald Petersen. Tom also describes how much fun he's been having sharing the Ed Asner cool guy video with unsuspecting friends. Todd and Christine watch videos of a Karen yelling at CVS, a cool guy eating a wasp's nest, a Nazi gubernatorial candidate, a vagina slingshot, and a dude smoking his own dandruff. Johnny Pemberton is an actor, comedian, and host of the Live to Tape podcast. He joins Tom and Christina to discuss deadly spiders, math class, terrible Christmas movies, and airplane browns. He watches a cool girl's fart tutorial, an update from Tony Johns, a Horrible or Hilarious of an accidental gunshot, and a hefty dose of Christina's TikToks.

Wake up what people there's so what good morning good afternoon and good evening. There's a plague across America We are Here for you Chomo's. Hope you're having a good day very exciting Episode to get into so many fun things to discuss Including our drive-in and the cool lady that we saw Standing out of stoplight. Yeah the valley has so many treasures. It's a cultural people think it's devoid of culture Not true. It's just a different type of culture different type of culture. It's street culture

Yeah, and many in strip malls, and there's everything here. Everything you want is here foot massage. We got Pot if you want to buy pot you can get vape pens you can get your foot massage. You can do your laundry get Yogurt frozen yogurt food Yep kebabs kebabs you can do a real estate deal all the same Plaza all in the same Plaza. It's all right there for you It's really exciting stuff And there's cool people everywhere Here's one of them. Let's start the show. All right I was just at CVS and a man that doesn't even work for CVS wouldn't let me in the door

And he threw me out the door. He doesn't even work for CVS. He wasn't wearing one of their shirts What the fuck airs and Cooper paid this man to make me angry Don't bring anyone loving to this You Yeah You have a lot of languages on your arms today I do it's in Chinese and then Russian and Japanese and then Arabic and English What does it all say? I did us you think so? Yeah

It's pretty rad. I did that shirt. Yeah, I like it. Yeah, you look handsome. Thanks. I like you like your hair Thanks, I did it today looks nice. Thanks. This is a Karen Yep, let me be the first to say shut up Karen. Shut up Karen Shut up But before We're done with you. I'll see I'll see where she work goes. Mm-hmm. She's not too stable They're not letting me buy things to hydrate myself. I want to buy some tea fuck you America for making me live like this She's really good teeth though shut up Karen

Yeah, she's a she's a wild man. She is out there. Yeah. Yeah, she's doing an impression of someone Like that doesn't even seem like it's a real voice But I think it really is it is and and the more unreal it seems often the more real it is Yeah, it seems like she's in like I would say she seems like she's in tier two of an improv school Yeah, she's she got the improv kind of stuff down. She's doing characters now. Well, that's why Pretty bold character well, that's why Twin Peaks was so successful remember that TV show Twin Peaks because The truth is reality is weirder than fiction. Mm-hmm and characters like that like the log lady and you know Backward talking little people. That's more real sometimes. Yeah. Yeah

It seems so strange, right? Yeah Yeah, like our zarface video. Yeah Yep, it's uh, it's really something man. This lady is my mask for you Why aren't you protecting me? It's really triggering people up this mask stuff, huh? Well, so we saw we were at a stoplight on the way in here We saw a nice lady she had a neat outfit on she had crocs camo pants um pretty nondescript shirt

a mask Which you know protective and then um a wool knit Winter hat. It's uh, by the way, it's august in los angeles Should be about 105 in the valley today She had her winter skull cap on and it was pink the face mask was pink. Yeah, and then her fanny pack was like That's right. She also had a fanny pack psychedelic, but so she was like pacing a little bit and I was like And uh, and then as we drove we drove away. I go. Do you think she's good in bed?

and uh I think Christina goes well you guys are always saying that the crazy ones are good in bed and I was like Not that kind of crazy I was like, did you think that that's what we meant and she was like, yeah I was like no I did I I didn't know what kind of crazy because when people say crazy I do picture good in bed for a woman the personality disorder A good in bed

When when when when you hear men say that crazy women are good at bed. We mean volatile Jealous oh like unpredictable Showing up at work like for the fuck where why you text me back like that girl's good in bed not the lady who's like Not like pacing at a bus stop wearing a knit cap in a hundred degree way like She doesn't but how do you know she's not good in bed. It's the volatile She seems like she could go vulnerable volatile and unpredictable too. I don't think so. She might hallucinate a little Yeah, no, she doesn't believe me. She's she hasn't been around a penis in decades that woman

I'm talking about a totally different type of crazy. Okay. Just erratic behavior. Yeah. Yeah Like I saw that girl comment on your picture. You're fucking fine. Oh, yeah that and we see your phone Why'd you like her picture? And you're like, yeah, yeah, I don't do that with you Right like I don't monitor who you follow on the grumb. Well, you're not crazy. I don't think I'd be married to you Or damning I wouldn't be married to you don't marry crazy Oh, so I know could you imagine if you did? Oh, that'd be bad. No. Yeah, you'd end up Dead or killing someone Okay, you give you give crazy a spin you take it for a drive and you're like this is too crazy

Do you have anything with less horsepower? How about so how long do you so how long do you bang? I mean there's some there are some people that are addicted like there are men who it's just like you see women They get into dating patterns where they keep dating wrong type of guy. They like there are guys that like that like the drunk dramatic Unpredictable woman so true. I could never date it. I went out on dates with with crazy I've been out with crazy, but I was never like be my girlfriend That's true because I could I could all my alarms were too strong. Yeah. Yeah I remember my father when he met you

He goes, you know, I guess some girls they like this kind of a guy who you know He comes home every night then he calls you every day. Some girls like these. I don't know. Yeah, and I'm like, wait, what? There's stable there. You're supposed to not like that. I was like, I thought this was the goal That's perfect coming from him because For him that he'd be like, what is the fun? He that's right. The fun is that maybe they won't reach out for a week While we're dating Have you because I've dated I dated a guy like that. It was torture Yeah, we're like, they don't call you for days and then you're like, hey, well, be honest

Good and bad pretty exciting. Yeah Pretty exciting stuff. That's the problem, right? Yeah is that it does create that sense of drama. Yeah Yeah, little unavailability college. Yeah, I think I know who he was kind of tall. Okay. Well, I mean, can we not? Can we not I'll tell you what though after that guy I was like No more. I like I like steady. I went out with a girl who was you know, uh, like Would disappear all this stuff, you know, I mean like you just It's horrible and then she would reach back up. I'd be like, what's up? Like I haven't heard from you and you know And here's what happened like we went out a few times and yeah, she was kind of an animal, you know in bed

It was fun. Yeah, but I was like did she spit on your taint? I mean like I met her and she was like come inside me. You're like, all right. Wow. I'm the first date. Oh, yeah Yeah, seriously. I was like, I don't think okay, so And then later I was like, was that a good idea Do you and she was like people do it all the time you're fine. So That's brazen for a lady to let you Blow a load inside on the first time first date. Here's the thing though. So like she's she's kind of a she's kind of an animal she's she's not like

You could tell that she knew how to act but would only do it From times, you know, I mean like she's raised well, but she's kind of crazy She can hold it together can hold together, but she's kind of crazy and and like She's um indecisive, you know, which keeps you on edge Which which makes it more exciting, but you're like, do you want do you like this feeling like I don't like that feeling Here's the thing. I really hate it. So I chased her a few times right like and I would try to get her to date me and She would we would date and then she would go away And then disappear until one day I was like

nah Like I totally stopped pursuing and I was done and then and then they come sniffing in your yard Now I stuff it in my writing me letters. Yes. That's what they do. You know, I did all these things I was already like I'm just not interested in you. Yeah, you lose it because they've hurt you so much I was like, I'm not interested anymore. I will however finish inside you again If that gives you closure, I'm willing to do it one more time one last one last Yeah, you have to have one last sex with that Okay, dad

I'm gonna make you cry. Can I just bring up? But see these bitches are fucking evil. Yeah, because they don't really like you Like remember we were watching that brazilian dating show. So there's a show called dating around There's one in the u.s. And then there's one in brazil. It's a good show. It really is really well done The only problem is you got to read and I don't like to read while I'm watching tv But it's kind of worth it. This girl this girl. She's exactly what we're talking about. She's 100% that type This girl right here that you're seeing that she's exactly what we're talking about Tom, Tom, remember the whole in the whole time. This is her the whole on the whole every time the camera cuts her

She's going literally every two seconds Oh, it's like it's like hey, I would have been like me as a 41 year old man I'd be like, hey stop touching your fucking hair so much You're doing it every two seconds. Are you all right? It's a tick it's something in your hair. It was a tick for wrong with you Because could you out and that's another thing we were saying is that imagine you on this dating show at 40 41 years old and you're just like could you stop it? Could you fucking order already? You know what happened though? She would end up liking me

So she would end up like she would like me because I'd be like you're fucking annoying and she'd be like Why? Because all these guys were like See just gazing at her and she was toying with all of them I've went out with I went out with a girl like her too. Well, there are guys like that too But this girl that brazilian girl Knows how to play with men manipulate. Yes. Oh, yeah. She knows how to play with men She knows them so well and has them all eating out of her fucking eating out of her

Pussy and what she does is flattery and then the hair and just And she knows and she flirts and she makes one thing is that she makes every guy Feel like he's the man the way that she knows how to look at them and just toy with them And she is like, uh, yeah, she actually reminds me of a girl I went out with But these girls are very malicious because They don't actually like men What they like is the attention that that guy is giving her at that moment

And they're they're sucking vortexes. They're just Evil. There's such a dark inside of them. That girl. Yes. Yeah, she's she's she's sucking attention. It's not even about the guy She doesn't even she doesn't care who it is. She's empty inside. It's Scary, right? So anyway, it's a great cautionary tale for any young young bucks listening Study that girl. Yeah. If you watch that girl You'll you'll probably at some there's some part of you that'll find her attractive because she's gorgeous. She's a beautiful girl 20 year old perfect looking girl But you'll also

Evil You'll see what like you should have the alarms Also of like this is manipulation because that's what she's doing and she's like, I'll give you back Let's just kiss a little kiss a little kiss. Everyone Such a whore She had this one exchange such a how where the um, she goes how important He goes how important is sex to you in a relationship? And she was she goes uh at least 50 percent

Is based on sex and he goes I think 80 That's like Like this is your your relationship is like, yeah, so 80 percent of the time you're like, are we fucking or what? Yeah, they're 20 When you're 20 years old Your your relationship is pizza and fucking I guess there's nothing else Netflix and fuck. I mean, I mean, I'm just trying to think of like if you go like what is what is 80 percent of the relationship

It's quite a bit Like you're an adult. Yeah, you gotta be like well, you know communication Having similar interests or like whatever just things that like you click on this guy's like no we wake up We fuck we eat we fuck We shower we fuck what a dr. Drew in his life. I guess there's is kind of like 80 Is it is it 80 you think? Yeah, but yeah that chick is that chick is evil because I was friends with girls like that growing up

Yeah, and I would watch them do that to boys and I'm like, oh this chick is so evil Yeah, yeah, it's not cool. Uh real quick. I gotta make this real clear for the audience here. This is a big deal. Okay No big deal So we're very excited in just a few days We're doing the first ever live streaming your mom's house podcast It's uh friday august 14th 5 p.m. Pacific 8th eastern

Also available all over the world at the same time. It is a live worldwide streaming event Tickets are available on location live.com slash your mom's house Here's a couple things I have to point out that people That might not know this what you see will not be on our regular YouTube feed your mom's house youtube feed it will not be there is not permissible in any way shape or form That's why we're doing it at a completely different platform People who have asked a lot and I've tried to answer a few people

Via responses and stuff but just so that it's on this feed and you understand If you're not of if you're not available to watch it live But you're still interested in seeing it you can go to the same link the on location live.com slash your mom's house For a week after it after it air so it's it's airing friday night For an entire week if you go to that link you can still purchase and watch the show there There's special appearances on it. Um My parents

Top dog and charo are joining us via zoom To not just have a conversation but also watch clips It's it's going to be a lot of fun, of course the first time top dogs ever appearing on camera We're always we're very excited about that. They're excited to do it And uh, let's just see one other thing. Uh, yeah, we are talking about Getting it and having a heavily censored version and putting it on the channel members So that should be something that happens another week after that

Um, but this on location service is allowing us to play clips Completely uncensored which is very exciting the link To watch this to get those tickets if you haven't is in the description of this video We've also been posting about it on twitter on instagram. So Make sure you join us if you can we're really excited and a lot of you have Signed up for it. So thank you very much for that now. You've also been bribing your mother in advance of this thing I sent her cosmetics creams. Yeah To get her prime priming the pump if you know, I'm in the pump. Yeah, and I'm sure there will be an after

Show gift that I'm required Yeah, just before a car this week. I just fucking hung up so Oh my gosh. Yeah, I was like, what kind of car? I don't know. She was like, why don't you give me a car? I'm like, what? Well, she wanted my car. She wanted my jeep And I'm like, what if I put a pair of tits on top of it and then send it to you. She's like, okay Yeah, I'm not gonna put Crazy lady. She um, I should buy like a $500 car though. You know what I mean? Like something with like 300,000 miles like a junk like rated junk and be like and just have it delivered with a boat

The house like here's a car It didn't make any sense. She actually asked me if she was like, would you buy me a car? And I was like, didn't you get a car today? Yeah, it's so weird. She got a car. She got a car yesterday And she was like, geez and I was like you want you want another car on top of the car You just got today and she was like, why no? And I was like, but what for you're 75 like you're not Jumping in and out of cars all the time. She was like They just want something exciting. Yeah. She has a weird relationship with objects. She doesn't actually use them

She just likes owning them like computers and stuff. It's so strange man. It is a weird relationship Oh, this this was uh everywhere and I'm so excited that we get to watch it again It went viral, but I like it so much. It's just kind of fun And I hope that um, if you haven't seen it you get to enjoy it here You wanted him, bitch Is that who you really want it? You sure about that? There he is, bitch Is he wait the point is like you dumped me for that guy and now you're gonna see what a winner I am. Yep. I'm gonna eat a wasp's nest

Crazy. It does kind of look like josh brolin. It does look like josh brolin. I hope he plays him in this movie He put that in his mouth. Yeah. He's like you want do you see the eyes though? Yeah, like um Now what do you think though Tom? You wanted him, bitch Those are what I would call sedated eyes Someone has consumed one or more substances to get into this mind state But question do you think he's good in bed? Yes Yes, I think he I think this guy And he says no, you don't think so. What's going on any really think too crazy

I mean he just ate a wasp's nest, man. That's that's the type of crazy you're saying is not the good crazy Oh, no, I think he passed the line I think this guy is like shitting my mouth. Yeah. Yeah Because he doesn't care what goes in his mouth And I don't think he's a selfish lover. I think he's like you want to see me fuck for three hours You're like, uh, I'm good Yeah, I think I think he's just like I think he actually hangs his hat on his like stamina

I think so. Yeah, well, can you fuck you can fuck longer with meth, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you just kind of just keep going You coming for strokes my brother didn't believe me believes me now Man, you you have been playing ed asner's clip ad nauseam in our house Like I will walk by you taking a dump and it's don't be stingy mark like I hear it coming from the bathroom Yeah, it's really weird how much I watch him. I watch him all day and I said him to people And I just get a bet I get a bunch of like what the fuck is this kind of texts, which are my favorite And I'm like, oh, is that the wrong text? My favorite is you told you gave it to your friend

Sean yeah, you still haven't corrected him that it's not oh, yeah He's like this is the guy because he just he's not like, you know Like devouring Showbiz names and stuff. I'm like, this is the guy. Oh, that's the thing. He's never seen elf He's like I've never seen I go this is the guy that played santa claus and he was like shut up like he totally and then Later on she was like we think that clip she goes that guy is a famous actor like he didn't We didn't tell oh before we forget

Let's give an update to everybody on your bicycle and your bicycle woes and the tweaker guy. Yes Yes, we got to wrap this up. Um, so So you remember that um I thought that somebody was just going to steal my bike Or bikes actually four bikes all four of them. Yeah, we had two electric and Two old cruisers and the guy came to the house and he had like weird energy and then

I paid him to deposit and he just took the button. I was like this guy. I just something was wrong so The thing was my bike just had like a little squeak. I was like, I don't even know if you need to take mine He goes, well, I can fix that and I go when can I have it back? And he goes I can get you yours tomorrow and the rest in like a few days and I was like, okay This was like a saturday that he picked them up. So you bring it to me. I can have it tomorrow sunday. Yeah, okay sunday the he never comes and never calls

and so Monday same thing. So monday afternoon. I'm like, hey man You said you were gonna bring me mine back and What's up He's just he writes back like hey man, like it's super crazy busy right now and all this stuff and I'm like Okay, like you're his buddy. Yeah, I'm like, but you said So I actually I'll I'll read you some of these. Oh boy. Buckle up guys. Yeah, it's wild It's wild because it got real

Real bad. He's yeah so This guy he's so crazy. He's so insane um Hey, I go no one reached out again About the bikes because I I sent him a message. He goes. Sorry running late The thing came in so we will have them ready by opening time in the morning. We can drop them off tomorrow late morning to midday Does that work for you?

And I go if you can drop it midday, that would be ideal. That's my response on wednesday now Don't forget. I was supposed to get mine back sunday sunday Great. Thanks. I'll follow up with you around Uh opening time tomorrow. He tells me meantime, let me know blah blah blah and uh have a good evening I get it. Okay. So that's what he said. He's gonna text me at the opening time tomorrow, which would be thursday Yeah, I text him thursday at 3 p.m Okay, so again, i'm asking for an update on my bikes

And he goes, sorry. I just saw your text right now. I'm sorry for the delay I promise we're not trying to avoid you and then he switches. No other shop would have done What we could have done I understand your frustration and miscommunication or lack of I promise you Uh, you will hear back from me either way in the next couple hours. Thanks for your patience I promise you will have the bikes back to ride for the weekend and I go, okay Thanks that was

In the morning. All right, so Four hours later. He goes sorry for the late text. I just got back into a good area So the seatpost we ordered had a small scratch. So had to have a new one sent over Otherwise everything is fully complete. I'll follow up in the morning to confirm the delivery window. All right. Okay. Thanks So that's thursday night. He's gonna follow up in the morning on friday morning. I'm expecting a text. Okay No one reaches out. No one texts. No one calls 3 p.m. Friday. I text him. What's up, man? Just waiting for the replacement post to arrive then we can drop it off right away. Oh my god

He goes i'm giving it till 5 p.m. Okay. Thanks That's friday afternoon And the evening I go when are you coming by and then I I sent a question mark an hour after that And he goes the first it's just more Shit, you know, yeah, not not but he says that he'll be there He says he'll be there till you'll be our first appointment in the morning between 10 45 and 11 45 This is like every day. This is saturday or friday. Right. So now it's saturday. It'll be saturday at 10 45. He'll drop it off So I go, okay. I'll see you in the morning. He goes. Thanks. Have a good evening

So it's saturday morning He goes tom we're getting the final thing wrapped up as we speak We're gonna be there closer to 12 45 So i'll text you and I go, okay, thanks So I'm exhausted already. I need a nap after these exchanges. I say, uh What do I owe you and he goes, sorry, I just saw this come in Um

Blah blah blah. Do you have a bike pump? I go. We don't have one. He goes. I'll set you up with one I go, okay, cool And he's like i'm waving the tax and i'm discounting everything and I go Okay, I'll be home in five minutes because that'll be like 12 45. What's your eta? Are you close? And he goes, sorry on the other line, but i'm on the way from another location hitting some traffic Should be 35 minutes And I go, okay, what's your eta man? I got to get going And he goes, i'm sorry. I'm stuck in horrible traffic

now it's uh 215 in the afternoon And I go Man, you told me 10 45 look first first available. He goes, I apologize running a small crew right now due to the crisis My essence made a time arrival now is 35 minutes from now. It's 215. I'm like, I go, this is ridiculous, man And he goes, I'm really sorry. I thought we we had one of our guys that with health issues now. It's like another guy Um, really we're really screwed up. It's like an essay. He's right. Yeah, he's writing like just huge long texts um

He finally Oh, I finally told him I go, hey, man The because i'm leaving stuff out to not like really but I just go Oh, he said he he goes you don't have a bike pump So I'm charging you but i'll give you a bike pump and i'm like fine So I I purposely didn't want to see him. So I didn't put my hands on him so

When I told him where to leave them. So I go to I go to my bikes And I'm looking for the bike pump and I go, did you leave a pump because I don't see one and and he goes, uh No, I called him and he goes, I don't I didn't leave it and I go, what? You charge me for a pump after all this bullshit I go, I'm gonna leave you. You're gonna have 1000 one star reviews in a couple days

And he goes, I don't understand why you're so upset I Here's the other thing that I'm not I'm leaving out. I talked to him like three times during the week About like I was like, hey man, you keep saying things but like you're not calling me. You're not You're not following. Yeah, you're not following up and he's like he's like man He gives me all this shit, but then he would go I promise you from now on we'll have great communication. I'll text you first thing in the more So I'm leaving that out of these texts is that like we would also talk

And he was like, I'll text you first thing in the morning and then I would text him at 3 p.m. What's up, man? so Anyways, he was like Super apology. He said all this bullshit like I'll take care of you extend your warranty and you're like, like I want to work with you Why the fuck would I want a warranty with you? You know Guy finally he's like someone will come drop off the pump. I go. Don't have him like knock on my door I don't want to see anybody that you work with

I just because I don't want to murder all you guys, you know He's he lays me like this fucking like Library, I mean this is a goddamn newspaper article, you know And then I go well, I have that warranty, right? I ride my bike off of a curb the other day and the seat adjusts. I'm like, hey, um You know since I have this warranty can I Can you replace it? Can you fix it? And he's like, no problem. Let me know what day

And I go, I go, yeah today or tomorrow. I sent him a picture Oh boy, and I go. Do you think someone can come by? This is the next day. He's like, good morning. Yes. Sorry. I missed your message Somebody's gonna come by today or tomorrow. Thanks. Check it over. Thanks. Okay. That was uh, that was five days ago. No one ever called Yeah, I do and here's the thing. It's drugs. I yeah, I You know guys on drugs. I purpose if you're like, oh my god, I didn't text is I didn't post his name I didn't post their business I you know, I actually think it'd be a service to everybody to post this place so that you never fucking deal with them because they're Absolutely criminals and but I'm not going to

To do that far. It does just my seat. Yeah, no, but I'm just saying I'm not but So I met this guy when he first came to give us the assessment. Yeah. Yeah, and he was skinny Gray his skin was gray. He was sweating profusely And he was talking really fast and a lot of talking should I call him right now and just say like hey, man Yeah, or should I text him? Should I text him to be like, hey, no one ever came by? No, no, we had to call this guy first and he's not inviting. I think we should call him

Let's go and let's see. I want to hear the excuses I do want to hear let's hear this tweaker. Yeah, because we can't put his voice on Oh, yeah, I do want to hear him talk. I'm sorry, man. He's he's a tweaker guys. Yeah teeth are all jacked up Yeah, he's he talks so much and I had my kids in the house. I go look dude. Just take the bikes. I got my kids It was unbelievable. I mean this last one is unbelievable, right? He's like I got your back, dude Yeah, he's out of his mind He's on drugs, babe. Oh, yeah, so okay. So this is actually pretty exciting. Let's go to um What is today's five six four, so

We're about to call Fed smokers nemesis allister Okay, yeah, this is a reminder. Just so you know who we're about to talk to See you're having some problems in rifle, Colorado In derango way to go rifle keep up the good work Okay, this guy does not like fed smoker beef with him in your fucking community, man This is the fucking guy. Do I want to hit you? Oh, I'd love to bud Look at this see this this see this shit. Look at what you're gonna do

Because you ain't gonna do nothing buddy. Take a swing, man. I'll see what I do So you're gonna stand here in front of me and fucking tell me that shit take your swing brother. It's right here swing. Where? Yeah, fucking fucking pussy It's like looking into a mirror. I mean so great birds of a feather. All right, so that's allister He obviously had beef with fed smoker. Let's get the deets right now I'm just gonna be quiet you talk man to man. Okay. Yeah, he might not like Oh This is John hey allister

Yeah, hey, how you doing man? It's tom. So girl. How are you? I'm doing all right. How about you buddy? I'm doing great man. I'm doing great. Thanks so much for uh taking the time to do this, man Good. Yeah, I had a problem Hey, so I don't I'm sure you you have some background on it So we like a lot of people became familiar with uh conald Aka fed smokers videos just from you know, uh perusing the internet and finding crazy stuff And um, you know, we we got we just got to digest who he is in small doses like in these little videos And then we ended up obviously finding a few with you

What was your what's your background and how did you end up meeting conald? Well I had to pick up my grandkids at school. Yeah, they come to a doctor's appointment And uh, they had the schools on lockdown in two counties and I was like, why the fuck are the schools on lockdown in two counties? Said because of this guy that's up at the library and I said what guy And I said who the fuck I so I went and knocked on the school doors again. I said the kids got appointments I said I need to get them to their appointments And uh, she said I'm not letting the kids out. She goes john

I don't want to have anybody cause any panic in town or anything like that with the situation so just leave it as it is and please just You know go away and I said fuck this motherfucker Yeah, so I went up there and I found him at the library and they had the library on lockdown They had the wi-fi shut off They had the grocery store shut down and these poor people are like this guy's got everybody scared in the stores And I'm all this is fucking bullshit So I went over to the car and he was acting like he was asleep in the car fake sleeping

I pounded on the pillow and he didn't fucking wake up and shit. I said, what's up motherfucker? Yeah Then I took the suburban and it's kind of loud got moved off on it. I backed up to it And I revved it up to his door. He still wouldn't wake up. Whoa I drove off and I came back and he was walking up to the library doors and And I'm not gonna lie. I probably just went on home and left it alone but for some reason When I couldn't get my grandkids. I was just like this is fucked up

I said this whole town's scared of this little motherfucker in this car So I went back and fucking finally he got out of the car and shit And I swear this guy is my god every cop in the fucking community state troopers are down on highway 36 now Now the fucking fuel county sheriff's is behind me and they really don't like me a lot anyhow because Well, my wife was a bail bond minute. It was kind of that's another story right and uh so Finally, he gets out. He's got a video camera and shit and everybody says no, don't hit him. Don't hit him

He's gonna call the cops on me. I said, well, let's do this That's what's going out to my house because I got a farmhouse Well, we have no problem where the cops do not get called and we'll fucking boot this motherfucker up Let's box it out boy. You want to fucking box it out? Let's box it out This is so you didn't want to have no firms in that but it is based beef And it was kind of interesting watching him on facebook and it was kind of entertaining. I'm not gonna lie right? Yeah, I only got kind of boring, you know All he did was harass fucking churches and harass that's the thing is that like in some small doses

It was kind of funny But then sometimes I would put myself in the mindset of You know if he um if he were doing that to me or the place I was trying to spend time I would be Really bothered by him too, you know Well, you know, I'm gonna tell you right now the dude actually is an artist And I met him a long time ago and I didn't really knew I met him He was had a tattoo parlor over in smith's center and live in a basement. That's right

And then I ran I found out, you know, I was trying to get him to do some artwork because I'm all sleeved out, you know Back and chest and shit and that yeah And you know, I gotta meet somebody that's a tattoo artist And I don't see where their history comes from, you know Because I come along road and then I see some of his artwork up in uh smith's center Or uh red cloud. He's got some artwork up on the left time up in there and stuff, you know So the guy comes and then, you know, he's got some friends that you know, he used to live by but You know, I don't think he come by the easiest life as a child and stuff like that. Yeah

But you know and most artists that are really good artists You know, I ain't gonna lie. They're fucking loony too, bro. Right So was he a good artist? Was he a good tattoo artist? Uh from what I heard he was yeah, I heard he was really really good with his artwork and he could whip shit up Really fucking quick. I think maybe he took some lsd and never came back Because he was also it's it's been um thrown around that he might have really been into meth too, you know He was I heard stories that he was and co can I seen some videos and shit? Um that he was on because if you really troll really hard on you know, it was winter time

You know in construction game pouring a lot of concrete So I was just basically trolling on here now watch watching some of his some of his fucking videos He's pretty fucking demented in but you know, I ain't gonna be true But he's got a kid somewhere in Missouri and you know, what um, where did where was he calling in? Like when they shut down the school and the the library what city or what state was that in? Kansas that was on highway 36 in Kansas Yeah, that was he started out in Smith Center in Filmsburg and he ended up over here And everybody was all fucking scared of him

But what's the tell me the video because I saw the video Where you're walking and he's walking down like a little like a little sidewalk and you're like, what's up conald? Where's that? Library that's the library Yeah, is that the day that the shit was called in and shut down? Yeah, that's the same day Wow He wouldn't leave he doesn't leave his towns once he's there. He's there

He waits like the sheriff Finally gave him some money later on and told him it look and then he came back In the sheriff one sheriff knows me a couple of sheriffs were friends with me and a couple of more You know, so yeah kind of So one of them told me he said John gave him some money so he could fucking leave town and that's what he did He finally went east and started harassing the next town. Yeah Yeah, he he was pretty good at that. So um, do you remember when you heard he had died?

Yeah, actually first since I've been in contact with him like my face my youtube uh Gets like thousands of hits and shit from him and people comment and shit and sometimes I just like, you know quit paying attention to it and I was like, oh my god Um, almost wanted to change my name again, you know, do you want to promote do you want to promote your youtube channel? Yeah, I don't have a problem. What's what's your youtube channel? What is it called? That allister thorn one that you see okay on there allister thorn, okay I'm more or less trying to promote my son who's a guitarist. Oh, that's cool. That's very cool

So wait, where were you when you heard he had died? Uh, I was actually sitting right here in the house Yeah And uh, did you get did you get a call or did you get a text or something? Uh, it was on facebook going all over facebook because Oh It's two, you know, everyone's lost like he came private on facebook because Like jesus christ, I even started getting calls from people in other sheriff's departments in other counties

Like wow, what the fuck? I don't know these people. What do we know about him? Yeah, do you know do you know anything about about conald's life like that um That people might not like anything else about it. I mean, obviously he was an artist But you know anything about his background is his life or did he have a wife or where he was from or anything? You know, I he had to have had a girlfriend one time to have a kid sure

So no other than that. No, I guess he had some family around and I know that he did He instigated cases and put some guy away and uh, I want to say grand island or kerning the brats For arson terroristic threats or something like that And so he tied on that case first tompton. So he never he got he got someone put away for that Yeah, because what he does is he but he said he gets starts these instigations and shit with people and then he calls a cop Who wants something to help him out? What are you gonna do about? What are you gonna do about?

You know when you start pushing the cops on that case, right? So You rest of the cops and then uses them for backup. Right. So he's he really is fed smoker 24 seven You He's a ci double agent Well, how about today because he's gone rest in peace conal Eugene, um, peters is it peterson? Um, uh, how about to honor fed smoker allister? How about today? We, um, I don't know. Let's call in a bomb threat to a gas station and just see what happens, you know

Just fire a couple shots in the air for us, you know, just to to show respect No fed He's you know, he he had a heart of gold with some people But yeah, it was down and out and on their luck and he had money to give them He could give him money. He had videos of it Wow, but he would also He would also just kind of flip and and do other shit too. I guess I think the only people in the car and shit. Yeah

I think it was the drugs man. That was just too much, you know Yeah, he yeah, he was a transit That's for sure. Yeah. Yeah that car and there's always different dogs in it and yeah He was uh, he was something different Yeah, he was something man. Well, well look it was nice to have a bicycle down in camp in florida He had a bike Yeah Well, we have a repair guy. Yeah. I have a guy that's just like him. I should put him in touch

Um Alistair, thanks for jumping on the phone with us man. It was it was nice to to hear a little story And uh, actually talk to somebody who had actually met the infamous fed smoker. So thank you for your time, man Yeah, thank you. It'd be good talking to you guys. All right, buddy. Take care Wow, that was something, huh? Who knew that fed smoker did some actual good. Yeah I mean, he really it led to somebody being arrested for arson So he was like he would start shit and then call the cops and be like, what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do like? Here's the guy right here, man. I found the guy you're gonna fucking bring them in or not

To see I double agent. Yeah, that's so funny that he legit was Yeah, he knew so he was keeping tabs on he knew Alistair knew man What a great legacy. Yeah, it's pretty great. Um, this is gonna really Knock your tits off. Okay. Yeah. All right. So oh as a final farewell to fed smoker So uh Tony aka fart simpson aka dj skull vomit

Who every time talent he does a prank phone call? I feel like it tops the previous one and I go there's no way you can top this He did it again. He's amazing. This is this is his latest. Oh my gosh. Thank you fart simpson You can find him on instagram. Here we go Hey, how's it going chomo? I'm here with my boyfriend burt. We're celebrating because he got a new job today Oh Burt got a job at the falcon car wash. So as a present

I told him I'm gonna suck his cock and you're gonna humiliate the shit out of him. All right Yeah So I want you to tell burt that he's a fat piece of shit this fucking guy drinks 64 ounces of kool-aid Can you believe that this fat piece of shit? He smells bad He fucks dogs. So let him have it and I'm gonna give him some of this sloppy top Hey, burt get over here. Put that on the goddamn kool-aid. I'm gonna suck that cock Hey, no, here's the deal. I love cocks to my mouth immediately. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Give me those cocks. Oh, yeah, burt

And when you feed that fucking fat body here some more sugar have some more kool-aid you piece of shit Oh You're a fat bastard large ass Burt you fat fucking bitch You know Oh

Jesus fucking christ Hey Me Fucking kool-aid can fucking make it taste like kool-aid kool-aid drinking fat bastard You fat Right down Piece of smelly shit on his fucking deck Oh, you fucking stink stink like a fat lady

Oh Oh my god You I had the hardest cock. I feel great, man He screams out. Oh, yeah Hell in here. I'm sad. Say it burp before you go. Are you serious? Come on fucker. Oh, yeah I've never had this much fun with my family. All right, man. We'll call me here soon. Okay. Fuck. Yeah, let me tell you something It was awesome. All right, man. Thank you

What's amazing, I mean, I can't believe he's able to do this, but like how does he do it? It's amazing, but what's also Incredible is that Uh Those are all just burp sounds. Yeah, I know that definitely double as orgasm sexual pleasure sounds He had a real dramatic load much like rpc very dramatic. Come on mark. Don't be stingy It regresses me when I hear it. Oh, I can feel it. Oh, that's gonna be good You know what's so menacing about ed asner is that it sounds like he's like can you go ahead and hand me the stapler? Like he says it. Yeah, it's so matter. I have no problem swallowing. Yeah, like very direct

Yeah, I can make the meeting at seven like he doesn't It's off Let me see all that He doesn't even try and be sexy. No, it's very like just matter massage your little hole massage like put the Needle through the yeah It's like a crocheting tutorial. Yeah. Okay. You come Like this guy has no emotion right at all monotone. Yeah suck it dry. Yeah, it's so weird Suck it suck it dry

Don't be stingy beautiful mouth. You've got that beautiful mouth Yeah, it's really nice. Come on mark. Don't be stingy Don't be stingy with that big fucking load you got A lot of people messaged me like is there a Come on. Don't be stingy Shirt coming of course. Don't be stingy mark. Yeah Of course, don't be stingy mark. Of course. Don't be stingy. Come on mark

Don't be stingy with that load God Oh, yeah, so we're talking about crazy ladies Um and how they're good in bed and then um, we were we were leaving the uh beach We were leaving the beach parking lot a couple weeks ago and uh Saw a bumper sticker on the camaro in front of us And the tick sticker says tengo novia toxica. Yeah, which means my girlfriend is toxic okay, and um

That's uh, that's a message to just to put out there Yeah, and uh, his girlfriend is in the car. She's the one reaching out of the mirror right now Or which hand on the mirror, which I thought was interesting to advertise that. I mean, she wouldn't be upset by that or what I said to you Was that she probably bought that sticker? Yeah, right, right. She's like put this on your car. Yeah, let people know Let them know. Yeah, because this girl is a nightmare But this guy likes it likes it. Yeah, and that's the kind of crazy we were talking about this the kind of crazy The kind of girl that goes let let other people know That i'm a fucking dangerous person to me. I'm a mess. Yeah, let people know

So this is somebody who has like jealousy issues, you know Probably tempers and problems But yeah, like sucks his balls through his asshole. So he's like, yeah, what's neat though Is that when she's not in the car? I wonder what kind of attention he gets from the other? Well, that's the thing the only person that would that would attract is another toxic girl. Yeah Yes, who's like i'm i'm interested exactly who sees that she's like, oh really? Your girlfriend's crazy your girlfriend's crazy. I'm fucking crazy. Yeah Exactly that is a fucking bat signal right there to some crazy puss

I would love bumper stickers. It's like easy going predictable guy inside marriage material. Yeah, that's the one. Yes stability Boring good for me stable Nice and easy guys easy listening. Yeah, that's what I dig Yeah, that's quite i've never seen that before never seen it either. Never seen it either It's really something. Um, what's in the world? You started watching i've been watching. Oh, yeah, perry mason the new one on hbo. Well, my buddy shea wiggums in it Um, he's the one that told me it is Dark he told me it was dark

Fuck I didn't like it. So dark. I can't even tell you so it if you grew up in a house with uh, perry mason on tv It's like a did your dad watch it Love perry mason. My stepdad was so that was a black and white, you know Um, what was the name of the actor that played the original perry mason forget his name I get him confused with matt lock because matt lock was another right another raymond burr raymond burr, right? Is that his name? Yeah, that show is great. So it's like a

You know Kind of one of the original Detective shows right and there's like there was always the cross examination Uh, because I think perry mason on the show is a lawyer. Wait, isn't that where we get the yanna? Yeah, or that's from matt lock I can't remember which I think it's perry mason that we do that. It's that kind of it's that kind of vibe, you know Yeah, yanna. So the reason hbo is doing it. It's uh, it's that this is supposed to be How he became The guy that you saw on that show in other words, this is the pre log. This is the pre log. There you go

The pre come yes, and yeah, so the original one I mean, it's like the mystery of the The missing hot dog or whatever and this one this one is like baby's eyes sewn open on a bus It's literally and I tapped out there is like a dead baby in the first fucking pilot And I was like five minutes. I'm out dude. I am so out. I cannot watch children or animals getting hurt I can't I just my heart It's I can't but of course tom was like i'm into it And you loved it. No, I did not know you did you turned it off? No, I'm saying that was hard to watch man

I don't like I don't like animals or babies You know children getting hurt or anything either. So like seeing that it's like, uh, it makes your insides just turn, you know Yeah, the actor's phenomenal. I love him the same guy that was on the lead in the americans We loved the americans. That was such a great show. He's a fucking great actor. They're a married news team as well Yeah, uh felicity and him. Yeah, he's, uh, welsh Isn't that nutty his american accent's amazing. Do a welsh accent might All right, boss Hey, hey, good fuck like that

What's a welsh accent down again? I forget. Will you google it in a dove, please? Oh, fuck. What do we ask? Okay, there you go. Let's look at it. Let's try and do one right now Because wales is different than england town. Let's see here It's a different part of the world. My god, londonvoicelessons.com It's like specific to that accent sounding accent sounds a stretched out wales accent. There's actually got a john What are you doing? Why are you doing? John? What are you? John do when you notice that huge glide on john john

What are you doing? Okay? Keep going. That's much more common in wales than it is in other parts of it. Do when Do when is that at the end as well? Do when do when it sound in doing do when we get in hit And the welsh speakers. Why do you keep skipping along? What the fuck are you doing to drop more on what are you fucking doing? Why are you skipping along while we're doing it? You're dragging it along. What are you doing? I'm trying to make sure the youtube algorithm doesn't Pick it up because Do when i'm just trying to get to the part where he's actually speaking welsh

Then just google person speaking welsh not like a tutorial as we can just mimic it right my bad. Give me one second I was watching the show where It was in england and they were adopting dogs Like they would match families with the rescue dogs and these girls are so trashy like they were total chavs You know, yeah, I don't say that dog Like they were so trashy. I'm like what part of england town is this? What are they doing in this show? I just kind of like peeking it's i it's my new favorite

It's on i forget where anyways it's bbc and it's rescue dogs And then they match the rescue dog with the perfect family And it's so sweet because it reminds me of how we got fief Because they say there's a moment when the dog looks in your eyes and that's when you know they're yours And that's exactly how I met fiefo He he put his paws on my chest when I met him the first time and he looked deep into my eyes And then I knew we were a match and it's so true and I just love watching dogs get matched with their family And then like the trashy chav girls behind the front desk like that was not a perfect one. Yeah

And then I he ever said a really big guy with a little small dog Yeah remember having when you got the uh Fief and we brought him home Then we called our landlord after How do you feel about us getting a dog? He was so sweet He's like well, I mean like could you leave like a deposit or something? I mean

Casey fuck shit up. We're like, yeah, okay. We'll do that. Where is it? Where's the welsh? My va I don't want anyone ever to say that I didn't treat uh, uh a disabled person with respect We have one running the show a developmentally disabled person and you and this is respect Yeah, we keep him employed We have a fucking We're equal opportunity employer. We've got all kinds if you know what I mean disabled. Yeah, we should do like a special Uh, like a one of those docks where they're like, how does this disabled guy go to work?

And we just follow him come in We have buck for us today I know Is that what I sound like? That's what I hear when you speak I'm so terrified No, this is actual welsh. I'm saying like no the the fucking video we had on was the video That was the video to watch. Do you understand? Yeah, he was actually guiding you through it. Say say, oh

He's doing it. He was doing it. Don't bring up anything else. Don't just take your meds All right Yeah, this should be on the talk why is this person not a tick I think this is a cool song Never scared normally we wouldn't be allowed to play this but I something tells me that the algorithm Won't pick it up. Oh, I told you motherfuckers. I ain't never scared. I ain't never scared. I ain't never scared Nice hip thrust Is that a boy or I want Bert to do this This is what I want you to do

Tommy is that a boy or a girl? That's a that's a that's a lady Oh, yeah, that's a lady So you almost lost your uh Your talks, you know that what? Yeah. No. Oh, yeah. No, I know the thoughts almost got shut down Yeah, but it was just a ploy from trumpy to get them to sell to the americans It was it was a pushed it was a pressure tactic To get the chinese to sell it You know, there's a uh

I had a lot of people by the way DMing me and email me emailing me to check if I'm okay emotionally Well, you weren't I weren't I weren't okay. I wasn't okay, but I was prepared to use the VPN. Is that what that is to get around? I was prepared already. I had a contingency plan express vpn you get logged in anywhere Code your mom's house to check out. Yeah, I uh, I was planning on doing it through vpn I was serious because I can't give up my talks Yeah, it's become part of who I am. It's the fabric of my life. I live. I love it Yeah, I take a shit in the morning and I curate that's my first round and then at night I put the kids down

I do my second round New uh new gubernatorial candidate running. I don't know if you've seen the guber gubernatorial The Hile Seattle Comey Nazi fascist The Hile Seattle consul and mayor are fascist and clown Are crazy Nazi Gestapo garbage rats from animal farm? I'm Alex Zimmerman speak to you Seattle emerald degenerate super smart freaking idiot with Nazi socialist democrat and anti-semite principle what He does have that kind of hongo accent going yeah, but Zimmerman. This is not Hungarian name

Clean dirty stupid consul chamber from this clown criminal and killer. This cannot go or forever stand up. Seattle stand up america These are people need to elect intelligent civilized businessmen who can bring Seattle back to normal life We need to stop Nazi socialist democrat mafia with progressive Gestapo principle Which have brought Seattle to number one fascist city in america and total collapse only pure idiot don't understand So one party system is always fascist This dude is actually saying a progressive fascist Yes, yeah bring seattle to fascism. Yeah to the number one fascist city We need to clean our government from dirty garbage rats who drink from fed catholic stand up. Seattle stand up america is time for real

change real change got my vote nazi changed One leader supreme holy shit. Yep. Where did that come from? Yeah, this is great It just got sent in uh, and it kind of worked in a lot of different. Is this on public access? It looks like it I mean, yeah, like it look. I think you just put it on youtube, right solo Yeah, it's just on youtube and this dude. This dude's real though. Mm-hmm. Is he posting more videos? Um, I don't think I think he just had like three videos, right? And I think he posted a video from the last time he ran

Oh, so it's like he's consistently, you know just trying to make trying to be the change that he wants to see And he's always pushing his nazi agenda It's a theme He's like let's make seattle the great nazi city at candy Okay Jesus christ man one leader telling you what to do I don't like it That was fucking hot I remember, um

Um, yeah, would you sign up for that? No, you think that would hurt a lot on your meow That's a slingshot to the meow. Yeah, but she seemed to handle it really well I don't like it. Do you think that she did well with it though? Yeah, but maybe she's got protection like a cup there or something. I don't know. Hmm. I would do it with a cup That was terrible tom. Thank you That was in my folder. I didn't you know, I didn't prep the folder. I just see it It's pretty excited. Best nazi leader in seattle be this be the guys russian The nazi you can be be the nazi. He's fully sigiled

This dude is uh, he just knocked all this dandruff out of his hair a lot I know or this is he doesn't look well though Like i'm just seeing him look up. It's not a good look What's this say on the change On the chain. Sorry dry bar unite dry bar dry bar king my dandruff and hair dry dab Hot and dry I'm gonna fucking throw up Dry dab king. Oh

What is wrong with this guy? Oh Oh stop Not a dipshit. He's smoking his dandruff Oh, he's not good. Take it easy. He's not doing well. Take it easy. Oh man Take it easy Well, hold on a minute. Yeah Here's the deal

What what's a little off-putting about this guy is that he's not as pure as a cool guy the lighting's good The angling is good. It's not great But it's better than a cool guy, vid Well, no No What what's the background? It's just a black. Yeah It's just I mean there's worse backgrounds, but he's not he did you make it sound like he's holding it together I mean

The craziest thing is that he actually has dry dab king On a chain and he's like i'm gonna smoke some dandruff. That's why i'm the dry dab king I take my dry scalp and I smoke it all the time. It's fucking alarming look at his face I mean, I can't harm you too much. It's different I guess I'm taking it easy He's all fucked up What do you think he's mixing the dandruff with I don't know man. I don't know. Did you feel like by the way that Talks we're just gonna go away

No, you didn't no, here's why when something is that big and profitable It doesn't just disappear somebody's gonna figure out a way to make money off of it So that's that's all it is. I was not panicked. I had already thought of like I said a contingency plan I I was I had a plan B. Good. I would have found a way Oh, always. There's always a way to get your talks always away. There's always a way. Okay. Well, um Let's uh, let's take a quick break and we'll be back with our guest And we're back chomos, uh joining us once again back on the show We love him here. He's absolutely hilarious. Put your hands together for johnny pemberton

Aka j jdp reggae.com jdp jdp jp jdp I've actually never heard that before. I've heard a lot of nicknames, but never jdp J like jodicy jdp for pambi. Pambi's good. Pambi's a great one. Um, My man, pambi's in the house. Yeah, pambi's here I guess it's a british thing if you have your name is pemberton in england You'll never be called by your first name. It's always oh at pambi. You know who pambi is to me Pambi you're um, you're a bike messenger Who has the best weed and you go to the studio and all like the hip-hop guys that get to get to record

And they're like pambi's here everyone gets excited and you come out and everyone thinks you're delivering food And you just got this huge assortment of all the different All right, pambi's here. Oh, what's up now? Pambi's on right here. Yeah. I've got your weed You've got everything you need right here. Sack it up. Blow it out. You know what burt said burt said he wants Burt said he wants a british Guy that goes with him everywhere named lyell who every time he gets himself into trouble like he says something Like offensive lyell goes odong a odong the sack give him a sack. He's got a point

And he just wants that guy. Is he like a really big guy? It doesn't have to be but I mean it could be I feel like it's gotta be like a guy who's so big that he doesn't move a lot So just like hold on that here Hear him out. The man's got a point here. Yeah, that's right He's just trying to get his car out of here and you're parked in front of him there Yep, ain't that just a way to move it out of the way now. There you go. That's really good That's what he wants. Is that lyell? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Vinnie jones I used to have a fascination is like in high school of meeting a guy

I think of the name I thought this guy was but he would show up when I hated being a math class Like a train would drive through the building like would destroy that the building was the name of the train was called rec house And a guy in a three-piece suit would come out named martin And he'd have like guns like two handguns and he'd be like johnny. It's time to go I'd be like I gotta go guys. I gotta get on this train and leave math class with a guy in a three-piece suit Is anything worse than math class? No for me. No math class was the war. That was my worst subject by far You know what the worst was was when I resigned to being stupid like when I just go. Oh, I'm stupid I'll never get this. Yeah, so that I would go into the class and just the whole goal of the class

was get to it without Making a big deal of how stupid I am. Yeah Because I just was like, oh, I'm just meant to fail this class And so then sometimes, you know, blah, blah, blah, and then they'd be like Tom, can you finish this and I would just be like, I know and then he would start doing He would back down into the levels of math that you should know to get to this, right? So like he'd be like, well, well, he'll be like, you know, you can't solve this algebra problem. Okay. Well, like Let's let's simplify this

Let's go to like long division. I'd be like, let's not I don't I don't know that either Is this Florida? Yeah. Is it Catholic school or is it public school? It's a it's a like a piscopole affiliate I hated that too when they would try to explain things to you. Like, well see, Tom, you have to balance the equation Yeah, because there's x minus two here. You got to do x plus two to cancel it. I know And then you'd be like, you know what the x is here and I'd be like, no, I don't fucking idea And then he would just be like, you know how to add and I'd be like, okay We can add. Do you want me to add? It's like, no, we're trying to do algebra. I was like, yeah, I don't know anything about that And I would I would stop trying. I would be like

Just it's just like speaking Cantonese right now. Just why like just have someone else do it I'm not going to do it. I had a a nun as a geometry teacher in high school. It's probably junior year She was a big lady big irish lady She used to she grew up working at a bar So she was like tough as shit, right? It was a geometry test and I asked her a question. It's super quiet I asked her this question during the test and she um She lived very politely listened to my question that I thought was a legitimate question Then she uh slowly walks up to the front of the room and hits her head on the board three times like

I then slowly walks back to me And with like a red face like kind of answers my question because it was that fucking stupid of a question I guess she was so frustrated that I had learned that little that I'd ask this question Like everyone the whole class is looking like what the fuck did he just say to her to make her go Smash her head against the fucking white board cannot be an okay teaching tactic. I'm any school I'll never forget it. Yeah, I'll never forget that. She was she was the best though She was actually a great teacher and super friendly and we're like, you know as far as the nun goes pretty cool Yeah, they get but they get so angry. It's true nuns are so

Crankers and it's probably because why do you think it is? Her husband's not around No, their husband's around. He's all around. He's all everywhere He's all those right there. He's omnipresent. Yeah Yeah, do you think that like I mean this might be offensive to some people But do you think when nuns masturbate that they scream? Oh god They're not allowed to you. You can only have a nocturnal Dream if you if you have a nocturnal emission as they're called. Mm-hmm. That's okay, but you can't

But let's say they do what I mean they do to JC to the hot jesus. Yeah Yeah, you think they do well because in our classrooms in high school. Jesus was hot as fuck He was like the young could you google hot jesus, please? You went to catholic school. I did. Yeah all girls and Um, we all loved hot jesus. He's the one with the blue eyes Yeah, long hair. Oh hot jesus is hot. Yeah, he's hot as fuck, dude. Did you have a hot priest at all ever? Yeah, father what a waste. Okay. My wife went to catholic school. There was a hot priest always And then there's like one hot male teacher. Mm-hmm, but he's married So he's off limits right and we yeah, everyone obsessed about we had a hot geometry teacher

Who was a cheerleader for the dolphins? What how is that possible? Yeah, well, she's like a legal you can't she was She was a cheerleader for the dolphins. Okay, and then turn 21 And and she was fucking smoking and she was older by the time like we by the time she was our teacher You know, i'm whatever i'm 15 16 and she's probably early 40. So she was a cheerleader 15 years prior. She aged into it pretty good But uh, she would have a dozen donuts every morning. She would eat them Uh, and they and she was she wouldn't a dozen donuts. Yeah, by herself. She was Skinny like like really like not an ounce of fat on her. Yeah, that's what that means, right? Well, I don't know we would always be like how and she was just like I have this crazy metabolism

We're like, okay She would wolf down Uh, a dozen donuts and uh, she died of an aneurysm Wait a second here seriously the person who ate 12 dots every day. Yeah. Do I have an aneurysm? Yeah Jesus out of nowhere, you know, obviously like, uh, yeah Yeah, she was bulimic totally. I don't know if she's bulimic Babe, that's what they do bulimics binge and purge. They eat like a gallon of ice cream A dozen donuts and then they wrap it up every day at breakfast like in the classroom

She would just sit there and eat them and finish them. I believe then let's go to the bathroom That's probably why she had an aneurysm too because it's super hard in your body, right to barf all the time I think it is. Yeah, would you rather barf every day or have diarrhea all day? Well, I already do have diarrhea every day That's right. Yeah But I have what do you call it? What's the term you said technically what it is No, no, no when you said when your bowels are touched you you said like you told us a story Oh about how peristalsis stops. Yeah, you said that I said something about what happens You said when your bowels are touched your body they go to sleep. Yeah, was that what it is?

Well, that's not the technical term I guess but the peristaltic motion of your bowel stops because it thinks it's in danger So it's like, uh, you know how you you know when you're traveling a lot of times you get constipated Yes, it's because your body is doing that because it thinks it's like what's going on here. This is weird I'm just going to shut everything down Because we don't feel comfortable. Right. I think it's because we got up at four this morning. Yeah. Yeah Flow across the country. Yeah your road ass is a real thing There's like a 48 hour adjustment period. We're like I got up at four. I got on a six a.m. Flight I drank six coffees I landed, you know, and then like you then it's like five in the evening

You're like, I think I have to take my first shit and it's like a just a fucking mess So the opposite I some of my airplane bathroom shits are like wow That was really good. Yeah, because my body at that level constipation is like a it's a good It's crazy how when I turned 40, I was like, oh, I'm gonna shit on flights all the time now Like before then I would just be like I'll wait till I land I can't I shit before all the time now. I board a plane. I'm like, I gotta take a shit And you just do it with no and by the way people now know you like hey Tom Segura

Is taking a shit in first class You get up and everyone knows what you're doing. You're gone and it doesn't bother you. It can't be a pee What? Well, couldn't be it couldn't be a piss but not like a five or 10 minutes, but he takes long dumps This is not a quick if someone's counting how long you're in the bathroom. I do I do Every time I'm on the plane and I'm like, I wonder what they're gonna do a one or two and I clock it I'm like, oh that guy's been in there for a long time. I'm not gonna go in until Few minutes have passed. Yeah, do you get a seat by the bathroom so you can keep tabs?

I don't sit by the bathroom, but I eyeball and I'll be like that nasty motherfucker After meal times because I'll gauge after meal times everyone has to go after yeah, it's it's human It's human for either a one or two, but I judge the twos. I don't like it I'll send you a recording next time how long she takes to take a dump. It's a 25 minute or that's because I gave Myself diarrhea last week. I had Mexican food I had Mexican food for lunch and then Korean food for dinner and I ate half the jar of kimchi bad idea I've done that. Well, you know, it's gonna happen. You guys tips on how to relieve gas I've had gas problems for years. I've seen every single pill. I've done everything and then I discovered one pose

And that pose has saved my life This video may be gross. You're gonna hear farts, but So rewarding You're seeing the length on this thing I tried to spread my life a little bit put my hand but in the air and my chest to the floor I feel like this has the easiest passage for the gas to get out So that's what you're doing in the airplane bathroom It's amazing it just all comes back

This is something I've suffered for Years about isn't it funny or sexy video? This is disgusting fart video. This has got to be behind a paywall, right? Oh my god, it's a lot. That's like a fucking plumber over there. Oh Jesus So much skinnier. My stomach feels good. I feel so less bloated And I do one more big one The best part is like don't put the clothes away or anything don't close those Yeah, but just you know, just how trashy can this place look? Yeah

Yeah, why why not at least set up the video to to look decent Yeah, just look like halfway do a little mise-en-scène a little bit a little bit just close the doors close the cabinet doors And just you know what you don't even have to put that close away just move it out of frame Yeah, just push it out of frame And then the filthy rug like there's holes in it and stuff That's what amazes me now about all the covid stuff is you see people On camera like and this is an expert like this person has literally no Awareness of where they are. Yeah, like do you see where you are?

All you have to do is maybe put the camera on some books. Yeah This is what you think so it's not like you're looking down like almost tick tock to the guy like This is a worldwide expert. He's like when we think that maybe That there could be a bit more time we want to spend. Yeah, it's unbelievable. You see a fucking fan spinning You're the world leader in this thing Yeah Now there is a pose she is forgetting and this is actually personal Lay on your left side. Well, I think by the way, that's real. Is that left sides real for sure

It is the ass in the air thing. I feel like that's extending your that's not real That didn't seem like I mean, I think you'd want to that would push it into my rib cage You know as opposed to stretch that would curl that would that would make it and go in my stomach But if it works it works, right? It works for her that moment. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, it did it did work for her now interesting choice to wear tight underwear And no pants during this that could have gone really wrong. Could have gone king ash rip herself. Yeah That's what I was waiting for to happen. I thought this is like a this was a special pause now Yeah, it's about to continue and she's gonna just fucking shit everywhere. Maybe

Um last out. Do you see uh that there might be a new governor of seattle? No, yeah, he's pretty cool. We we uh, we just saw one of his uh The hile seattle combi nazi fascist The hile seattle consul and mer are fascist and clown are crazy. I'm alex semerman speak to you Seattle emerald degenerate super smart freaking idiot with nazi socialist democrat and anti-semite principle Is this is this uh satire? I don't think so. No, but why is he doing the double? Is that a thing? The double I think he just shows you that he really means it, you know Well, and also it's a 2020 remix like we've already done one seagull

Maybe it was time to switch it up. Oh, yeah, because we're in the new millennia. It's time to have double seagull double seagull Clean dirty stupid consul chamber from this clown criminal and killer. This cannot go or forever stand up seattle stand up america Wow just put it out there, um Let's see. Oh, he doesn't have his website, but he's uh, he's just got like a he's got really cool ideas We need to stop nazi socialist democrat mafia with progressive gestapo principle Which have brought seattle to number one fascist city in america in total collapse only pure idiot don't understand So one party system is always fascism. I can't understand what he's saying. Well, it's basically it's probably above your Pay grade, but he's saying that he's a progressive gestapo

Oh, is that what he's saying? So he's saying that like the other gestapo is bad. Right, but he's forward thinking gestapo Oh, but it sounds like he said he wants to take down the gestapo It kind of sounded like I I was a little confused too because he was like let's do away with this fascism, but then he's like Wait a minute. I thought I was voting for What I heard was anti-semitic good and then Nazi stuff good. I don't know. I thought he was he seems like he's aggressing like we must stop the anti-semitics Yeah, the bad ones. Hmm. Hmm

Well, he does contradict himself in his own message. Yeah Some of these old guys like this they get they they're satire Runs a foul. Yeah. Oh, right. You know what he means like like he's trying to To to poke fun at the uh, yeah the nazi message Maybe Hmm. It is seattle. We need to clean our government from dirty garbage rats who drink from fat catholic Stand up seattle stand up america. It's time for real Do you say drink from fat cunt toilet?

But we said he said we must clean the dirty rats who drink from the Fat cunt toilets. I thought he said do you say fat cunt toilet? Crazy nazi gestapo garbage rats Yeah, I don't know gestapo rats But he definitely started with de kyle and that's usually not Yeah Serious candidate leaves you got a vote for him to find out what's going on. That's the key. He's like, oh, you thought it was parody

To find out the truth you must cast the vote. Yeah. Anyways, uh, good luck. Um, Alex Looked like a villain. He looks like he could be an actor. He looks like peter storm air. You know, yeah Yeah, he's a really interesting guy. Um, but he's by his place. How smells great. Yes. Yes I bet he does have a nice house and I believe he's run before so maybe uh Second or third time's a charm, you know Maybe not sick but again the Thing I like do do popo. It smells bad

We must get rid of all the poo poo that's here for flushing down all the fat cats and the rats that suck on their titties We must get rid of these fat cats sucking on the tits of rats and poo poo toilets are blowing with diarrhea outside my butt for You are doing double the best way to find it is to do voting for me. It's just cheat to not to do poo poo Yeah, I took poo poo at my penis and it's too large for a hole to do poo poo at the dick of my hole. These are rats That is that's almost exactly what I heard Words words poo poo shit punt font the truth is that like I don't actually know what he really said Yeah, I can't I saw a nazi salute. I heard gestapo But I couldn't tell if he was running for it or against it. I just heard a lot of nouns. Yeah a lot of nouns

Yeah house fun shit rats House house fucker nazi poop spray guy boy gay town You have truck filled with shithouse piss knife piss knife life, baby, you know these flushers Swimming in the pool of rats These flushers so your boy by the way because When we were when your first time you were with us, right? We did um, you know, don't do it. It's bad. Take your Um

This was the update from a few weeks ago. Oh really? This fucking yellow fucking weird thing My ass is gonna be doing community service for the state of utah Woo, I gotta do you why baby? How proud of this Oh, baby Anyways, I just want to say if you guys see me up on the freeway picking up trash and all this bullshit Feel free to honk your horn. You know, I feel free to say hey, tony jones ladies man out the window

and I'll wave back Oh, yeah, you see me out there picking up the trash, baby. Oh, I'm out of here this trash I get a do you why baby Woo, that's the best thing he does is the It's so great. I watched a video of him in bed From sometime he was talking about had a quickie. Uh-huh. Isn't that one? Yes. I just came from a quickie and I got a spray tan Baby, we a buddy here. I got sprayed down quickie style He uh, yeah, I love that his original message though like the way that he was yeah

Discovered it's always a party, but it was a party, but he was like take you like drink responsibly and now he's like I gotta And you know what's neat is that he's still flashing all the Watch, yeah, so he's wearing the He's wearing the yellow, but he's still flashing don't drink and drive. Don't do it. It's bad I got a do you why baby Oh, I was in the back of an Uber. I got a do you why even though I was in an Uber I tried to take over I was doing the driving this copper cop pulled me over. We are out of here. I told the Uber driver keep on drinking driving

Oh ladies, I smoke crack Yeah, he got he's a crackhead Tommy I think he likes meth. Well, he's he's the speed of some sort, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he's got those those meth bones stimulant Yeah, big on the stimulants, but he looks better in this video his The filter is heavily heavily on this video Hey, yeah, because we saw Tommy we saw a Tommy update that was real bad. Yeah. Yeah, he looks like he looks like he's sick Like he's like he's like he's got You know, I'll show you

I'm just trying to find the positive for him. I want him to be okay. My name's Tony John's fucking ladies, man. Yeah, I'm currently in a sticky situation. You know, I got no fucking money I got no motherfucking wheels like I don't got a license. That's the best is this shit and the preening the uh The preening what do you call that shit when it's like talking in the moment? Yeah, yeah In the moment. This is they don't know me for me at all. I got some nice ass fucking teeth I got some nice motherfucking attributes, you know, nobody wants to hire me everybody thinks I'm a motherfucking criminal Which I'm not I was wrongfully accused and I don't have a criminal fucking record

Have you seen so anyways, I'm uh, I'm doing this go ahead some of the pics he posted on twitter If you look on his twitter He's got some pictures that I Can't figure out what they are Because it's him with really long hair and looking really young And I don't know there's also staying next to a guy who looks like he is uh I really don't understand what it is. It's like something almost like some inter WK shit where I feel like there you go Look at that shit. Oh, yeah

Look at this one pic underneath there. He's staying next to that guy. What the fuck is going on there? Honestly. Oh, that's him, right? That's him on the right. Look how long that hair is Is that just a really old picture or something? It must be. Yes, that's really freaked me out a little bit. That's freaky What is it? What does this say in the caption? Hashtag bros for life hashtag coronavirus truth What yeah It's the stuff and there's a couple pictures of him with this super long hair There's one if you scroll down there's the next one if you want like a basketball jersey or some shit. That's the thing

What the fuck is that? okay Tony johns is complicated you guys like that to me feels like psyops Or some sort of weird like he's doing like an art project like he's Andy Warhol and we're and we're the ones who laugh Maybe he's like, you know, he's in it. That is You guys should be pulling that stuff more Coming right up Because isn't that like doesn't that sort of throw off everything because you're like, what is that?

Why would he be posting these weird pictures of him looking kind of like a little girl? But but the thing is is that just when you think, you know, Tony johns He metamorphosizes the changes Right. Don't don't drink and drive. It's bad cut to I have a DUI. Did you see the uh the clip of the guy Who ate the wasps nest? Oh my god. No, I want to though. You want to I'm in the wasps. Oh, you are Then you'll really enjoy this That's a pretty small one you wanted him, bitch Is that who you really want it? You sure about that?

Don There he is, bitch There he is So this way he lets her he lets her know that she chose the wrong guy Because that's the guy those wasps represent that guy the other guy. Yeah But he ate him Poor wasps, I know I know Well, she he showed but you wanted him bitch

Don't I was trying to look at that a fucking black Sabbath song. I don't know what that is I feel like fed smoker would respect a shit out of this This does have fed smoker vibes It definitely does and his eyes. I'm telling you my man has consumed something before this video Yeah, 9 a.m. To somewhere in Orlando Huh, did you you wanted like his eyes are completely. Yeah, what was the lead up to this where he's like, I'll show you Cheryl You wanted him bitch

Yeah, he's so red. Yeah, 9 a.m. Orlando, florida That's a superman american flag logo. It's really cool. He thinks it looks like josh proland Oh my god, maybe it is josh. Oh my god, you're right the superman american flag hat is already aggressive It's a little much. Hmm. And you're right. It looks like the light of morning The light of morning. What the hell you know what I mean? Like it's morning. It looks more. Oh, yeah It feels like that florida morning Those wasps are still kind of kind of mellow God

All right, that's got to taste bad too because they've got a bunch of chemicals in them probably They taste like you know like pheromones and shit Right because wasps don't make honey in the way tasty They just like that's got to taste horrible. Yeah, it's got to taste like chemicals like drinking like bathroom chemicals pure kems And like aren't wasps nests made out of like a clay that they regurgitate like don't they Those are uh, those are european paper wasps right there I got a big old colony under my garage and that they stay there

Oh, yeah, because they keep the larva off the weed plants. So oh wait, you'd know that for sure Yeah, for real because uh one time I remember a long time ago Um, there was a spider in our backyard that had made a huge web and I just put a picture on twitter I was like Hey, what's up with this? Is this going to kill the family and you immediately responded with like the type of spider And I was like the fuck. Yeah, I wonder what it must be like it's harmless. Don't worry. It's this type of spider I was and you did like immediately. Well, I don't know that much, but I do know a couple spiders I just I'm like a big spider. I'm a big spider defender

Because I think it's like people hate spiders. They blame them for all kinds of stuff and actually it's like You know, they're good for the whole ecosystem, right? Great. Yeah, it's great. They're also uh I always think about people like want spiders out of their house But like I'm not using that space. Yeah, that's true. They're just like But in california, there's the brown recluse and the black widow right like they're brown People think there's brown recluse. It's usually a false recluse And even then There's a reason it's called a recluse because it never comes out the chance of you getting bit by brown recluse in california

Is almost zero. Oh, and what about the black widow black widow? Again, it's like pretty rare to get bitten by a black widow to get bitten And even then to get bitten to have it hurt you And it makes sense to clear out like, you know the kids playroom You don't have a bunch of black widows in there. Yeah, but the chances are the black widows only go places that aren't being really used So it's like that's why people usually like they're clearing out like brush. Yeah, like a wood pile It's like I'm gonna stick my hand where I can't see that's always the thing As long as you don't stick your hand where you can't see you probably won't get bitten

The everything about a lot of spiders is uh People like people blame a lot of staff infections on brown recluse bites. Yeah, and actually it's like You just got a cut and you're dirty dog. Yeah, okay. Yeah, even doctors would be like, yeah, this was definitely a spider bite It's like, no, you have a fucking infection They're not like brown recluse all over the pop place just biting people everywhere Interesting staff infection. Yeah, or some kind of infection that got in and they blaming on a brown recluse because they have a necrotic Infection. Yeah, I know someone who got bit by a brown recluse um a while ago really and it was uh over time

recluse recluse Say either one recluse recluse is probably the weird way to say it. I say recluse recluse but it over time the the The bite started to just you could see the the skin dying, you know, it's terrible. It's like one of the grossest things It's I think it's the grossest thing. I stopped looking that up years ago because it's yeah It's gnarly. Would you rather Get bitten by a brown

recluse or eat a wasp's nest Ooh, that's a good one actually How much do I if I get bitten by the brown recluse? Do I have like immediate emergency services available? Yeah I'll take the brown recluse bite. What about the black widow? Black widow. I've actually had to had it gotten an argument with my wife about um get actually actually getting bitten on purpose What I thought would be cool to get bitten by it because the chances if you have actually hurting you are almost non-existent Why is that because you're an adult and you have like a nervous system that's intact

It's not it's like a it's not a very super strong neurotoxin So if you got bit of basically just having like a bad acid trip, I thought it would be really to get bit by a black a black widow But she's like just no you can't do that because you were trying to like actually set it up Yeah, I thought it'd be kind of cool But I think we're gonna get the black widow I'd find one But also I think I kind of talk myself out of it because it seems like it's a bad idea Oh, yeah, because you're like rolling the dice there. Yeah that you could actually die

Or just get like I don't know I have to go to the hospital It's just kind of thing where I would like to put some in one of our employees fucking lunchbox. Really? Which one? Right there put some spiders in his sandwich Yeah, he hurried me during lunch and I didn't I didn't like it. Yeah, he goes you can eat it after He told it to me like a gestapo. He didn't do this What? Yeah, you didn't give me a wrap it up. Yeah Oh, jeez. Really forceful

Do you know what the best thing to say nowadays to someone a dog? Did he say to you? Um, did I stutter? Right, right. Did I stutter trying to say that more in casual conversation while being polite? Yeah, let's see if I can say it like um like at starbucks like I'll have a uh I'll have a crying americano. It's like, um, sorry. What was that? I say, I'm sorry. Did I stutter? I Saying it politely really changes it Yeah Do it like at a nice restaurant when they're like uh and in your order, sir

Like I would like the uh the clam bisque and I would like to have the The ribeye medium rare and I'm so how would you like it cooked? Oh, I'm sorry. Did I stutter? I would like it medium rare. I don't think you can do it. No, I think you can't do it now I don't think it's possible for you to do it nice. You can try to do your nicest nicest. They're still gonna go Fucking Yeah, because he's very domineering. Oh, yeah, yeah I can't I can't make it mean I could say like did I stutter? He's doing the movie he's doing the movie thing. Yeah, that's your say like I'll cut you bitch say it like as mean as you can

That's not even pop. I mean, yeah, do you want me to say it to your face? Yeah, I'll be like I'll fucking cut you you stupid bitch I don't think I can do it Your mother's a whore Johnny. I'll fucking cut you you stupid bitch Hey, did I stutter? Hey, that was creepy. Here's the thing. I like that. I believe That you'll do something. You know what I mean? Like I believe it. Yeah, because I'm scarier because it seems like I'm not Yeah, you're right. So there's like what happens is somebody goes I can't really put this guy into a category therefore. He's unpredictable therefore his threats are real

So what I was thinking about doing it my scariest I shaved my head like I had a buzzed. Oh, did I stutter? Oh, that's terrible. I had to find a buzzed head A silver tooth not a gold silver tooth right there and driving around listening to country music way too loud Listen to like whaling Jennings like sad whaling Jennings Wearing like a shirt button up to the to the neck. Yeah, and then saying did I fucking stutter in a southern accent? That would be scary. I think that's scary. I I think polite. Did I stutter is my new favorite thing? Like I might go to starbucks after this and just be like

Can I get a nice coffee splash? I'm really like, how'd you like I go? Did I stutter? Again, tom. I'm scared. Wait, can I try it? Can I try it? Sure. I'm sorry. What was that? I'm sorry. Did I stutter? That actually works, but also I do that. But was it menacing? If you're that person, no, what happens if you're the person on the other and you're like, what a fucking bitch? Yeah, like the fact that it's so rude to say But can I pull it off the way pamper to you? Yeah. Yeah, because that actually sorry. Did I stutter? Well, yeah, but Inside I I'm definitely going like this lady is out of her fucking mind. Yeah. Yeah. She's nuts. She's like a psycho Yeah, like you're you're the fucking

What's it? You're you're you're this lady right here. I was just at CVS and a man that doesn't even work for CVS Wouldn't let me in the door and he threw me out the door. He doesn't even work for CVS. He wasn't wearing one of their shirts What the fuck erison cooper paid this man to make me angry Ericsson cooper they're not letting me buy things to hydrate myself. I want to buy Fuck you america for making me live like this. What the fuck is wrong with everyone? They said I'm not allowed to buy anything Oh So I think that she just got in to the second tier of the groundlings and she's just working out a character She's got the improv down. She's writing now. She's in writing lab and this is just one of her characters

It's missing something key though. Yeah, which is that is this And then I fucking did it. It's that it's the turn And the back on it but see that's why you're a graduate. You're a fucking varsity. I'm a graduate because I know about the whole thing Yeah, you got to tell her My mom used to have this joke because she's from Louisiana The how you can tell a redneck is when um They don't take the cigarette out of their mouth when I tell the state patrolman to kiss my ass So it's like a thing where it's like, you know

You can kiss my That is signal that's a real you can kiss my Swap lady real fucking stinker swap lady. This lady's a real fucking animal She certainly is well, ericsson cooper Ericsson fucking cooper and yeah dawned and lambon. Yep Dondi the lambon and angerston freaking crooper crooper She'll have that side talk on Then I went up to the fucking door and he told me I had to take your shit right there

But I don't want to take a shit in the bathroom. I don't want to take a shit outside She wanted to hydrate she said I hydrate myself too Which is a weird weird way of saying I was thirsty or I need water. That is true. She only blinked Like twice during that whole video the whole time her eyes are sanity wide open that thing that classic stupid talk Where it's like, you know the idiocracy thing the sir. We have a particular individual I'm seeking to do a hydration drink inside this particular house of Salesmanship and wish to find a liquid object to do hydration too and this fucking this end of particular person They sought to deny the hydration I sought for my

inside of body This lady Walks in and out of places. I know every day. Yeah, and this is the rage she walks around with Fuck all because of anderkin cooper Anderson can we do some talks? You wanted to cut okay, but he's so good. Pemberton's good with his hands, but let's see I got off the talk. I got you got off talk. Yeah, I I couldn't what I stopped watching it because I find it to be like Just

Oh, there's an hour. I just did this for an hour. That's because your algorithm is not pure No, I mean it was so good. It was so good I'm just like this is better than any tv I've ever seen in my life I can't handle the the non-stop stream of novelty. I felt like I was like it's great on a roller coaster They just it's a roller coaster. I know I know it's really it's amazing I time out my curations like my algorithms. So my feet is pure your peers It's I watch your stories on instagram and that's all I need because you see some people where How is this person alive? You really have a gift. You really have a gift. I know but I'm saying I get in I get out

Like I get overloaded sometimes too. I go. Yes. Yes. Yes, and then I I reach a threshold where I like I got it I got to go it's like when you play video games for too long And you're like if I go past this point I'm gonna lose my like you're losing your life. Are you ready for a horrible or hilarious first? Okay, and then can we do talks? Yeah, okay Is this funny to you fucking fuck? Look how much you like that You're gonna murder me in my sleep

Now I haven't seen this one. So I don't know if it's horrible or hilarious, but here it is. Okay Well That's horrible That's horrible. Yeah Guy shot himself It was a young kid too. It makes me think of our children our boys could do that Thanks, tom. You didn't That wasn't funny to you. No

He made a funny sound. Who made a funny sound the guy the guy that shot himself. He shot himself. He's a kid He's a kid. I know I said I just shot my toe. Oh Oh, it's a child That was a big gun too. Oh, let's uh, let's cleanse our palates That's terrible too Jesus christ that hurts me What's he looking at this dude's such a boss. He's not enjoying this is he he's like every day. I must do this Every day every day. She brings me in here half an hour

This one you'll definitely we just watched this earlier, but I know you'll appreciate this Oh, okay. Oh my fucking god. It's the dry dab king Dandruff together Have I told you guys the pube story yet? Okay, I'll tell you that after this It's bad so much dandruff right so much. She's not gonna snort it. Is he I hope not. That's why I thought this is not going to Oh, he's under from here Dandruff and dry

He's the dry dab king. He's got it on his chain Jesus christ Why is he why is he gagging? I don't think it tastes good. Why is he gagging though? I think he'd rather eat a wasp's nest Is this shit? Smoking your dad riffing your hair. Oh, why does he have to do a second hit? I'll tell you one thing is a fat person has never done this There's only a super skinny guy with no shirt does something like this

Who's he talking to? I don't know It's so true that you would never see a fat person This motherfucker smoked his hair and his dandruff Dude, that's right. He did a second. He's like, it's terrible. I gotta try it again. Shit This reminds me of the worst thing I've probably the grossest thing I've ever done in my life This is the pube thing. Yeah. Okay. I haven't told this on the podcast. I don't remember this It's in high school. Would you do remind me?

Like my friend Phil and I we um in the in the cafeteria. We uh Raked a bunch of loose pubes We spent like probably 20 minutes raking or you know our high school pubic bushes With our hands, of course. Yeah, just getting them out. Just raking them clean throw up already Oh, baby. This is such an embarrassing. This is such a deeply embarrassing story We uh raked a big big old pop and put them on a napkin And then we put a napkin on top of that and we told the girl we knew to come over and sit down It's the worst part of it took the napkin off and looked at her and was like, hey

And she's like, what is that? It's like, it's our fucking pubes Ha ha ha ha ha And guess what? She like she left. Yeah. Yeah. Did she sit on it or she sat next to it? No, that's sitting on it. It was on the table Okay, I'm like, oh, oh, you showed it to her. Let me take off those domes that are high. She's like, what is that? Yeah, she's like, what the fuck is that? And we're like It's our pubes. It's our pubes. And she's like, I'm sorry. And you're like, did I stutter? These are my pubes. Did I stutter? Yeah, and uh, I think she was probably looked at us differently

Probably much forever. She's got up and walked away. Yeah, I think that's the most things where I realized like, oh, that's just This is not a good idea. Yeah. Chicks don't dig that stuff. Yeah, that's the big difference between women and men I feel like at that age is a woman would never do that probably no no if she did she's So unbelievably unstable Like that that girl like a guy who does that could just be like a fuck around goofball a girl who does that She's gonna kill somebody Rakes the patch makes a pile unveils it like it's a hors d'oeuvre or something like that In the lunch room too on a table that we pride that's the grossest part is that it was during lunch because like like that's

What crazy should happen in high school was during the lunch time And I think that's like if it wasn't in home home room Yeah, I could have forgiven it more like if it was just in a sterile classroom setting But there was food involved like you have the fog of the morning to excuse it on sure This was you know 1 p.m. Yeah. Yeah, what what year were you guys? I mean does it matter? I mean It's a little like a junior year. Yeah I got all those pubes though I think I didn't have a lot of pubes freshman year probably if I were if I were at with you at school

I've been like, oh, man. Let me let me go get some of my pubes. We rake. Yeah. I got a whole bunch of pubes Let me add to this pile What I love and then I'd be like, can you tell which is mine? Which is Johnny's? Yeah You can smell it till the difference but I do hope that Boys today can still do that pube pile to other girls to two girls You know what I mean? Like I because that's so important that you learn that lesson of like, oh, that's where the boundary is Girls don't want to see that stuff and then you calibrate

Accordingly because now if you did that you probably be canceled I think if if I didn't get in trouble with a couple girls early on Who knows where I'd be right now? I'd be in fucking jail or some shit. You know you got in trouble Then trouble just be like don't do that. It's like, oh, you're right. Don't do that Yeah, you know like terrible stuff, but just stuff like it's gross. Yeah gross stuff. Yeah Don't do that gross thing. Oh, yeah Yeah, don't do that. Okay. That's what you mean. Oh, so don't do that. God. I will never do that again. Yeah Because you're right. That's gross. Yeah super gross. Yeah. You just have to learn

Yeah, that's true. I mean without women correcting us for being gross We'd just be much more gross, you know, we basically all just be camping. Yeah. Yeah Shitting and uh, you know, yeah piles and do whatever nonsense. Hey, show me your shit. No, don't cover it up yet Can I see it? Let me watch you take a shit real quick I would definitely be doing like if it hadn't if I like I didn't know now not to do that You know, if I'd never like I would definitely if I were camping I'd be like, let me watch you take a shit so I can just I want to see it come out See, but I wonder if girls are just socialized

To be this way. Do you know what I mean? Because you guys are encouraged to be slobs and disgustos We're socialized to be normal, you know So maybe if I were raised more I was raised a bit feral Which is why I'm open to poopy and fart humors and stuff. This takes me back on why it's got to be great to be gay Oh man, gay man not gay women You don't have to like you have to deal with any of the like hey clean it up. You know, it's like you can just be like Wouldn't that be a dream for you? Yeah, trick off on my stomach. Yeah, but do you think gay guys dump in front of each? No, they're not like you have to keep the cool ones alive the fucking cool ones do

Yeah, they have the plexiglass set up They got that special plex and all like the fiber bars everything it's all like it's like a it's a rhythm. Yeah It's perfect. Yeah Um, what do I open here the tux or this is 2020 tux. There's two folders. Uh, just the tux not this is 2020. Okay All right, are you ready for some tux? All right, here we go if you suggest My my replies You're on drugs what you must be on drugs

Okay Are you are you fucking high? Yeah, he does a lot of stuff like this. Yeah, this guy looks like a cdc expert right there with that angle Classic expert expert angle. Yeah. Yeah This is the world's leading infectious disease doctor and he's like all he needs is a window. So it's totally blown out And like a cat across the front of the camera Walmart and some other stores are wanting you to wear a mask in their store Four months or so into the thing. Yeah, they didn't require it when they should have those gums

I was born in the us I have rights and freedoms and I just not shop your store. Yeah, if you're gonna tell me that I need to wear a mask Even if I'm not sick I think That is pushing it Because what's gonna what's gonna go from oh, it's just a mask to it's just an inoculation with a gps chip Oh, it's just just a card. So and and we don't accept cash so the government can control whether you're poor or rich

What wake up Because this is not a test They want to see who's going to stand up and say no, this is not okay and who will lay down like a bitch preach Yep, you got your finally your first like real newsworthy talk. Thank you for including this one Thank you. I I do wish he would visit a dentist because the red gums And the his teeth look so bad. He is like he could visit a cvs And that would be good. He just needs a goddamn toothbrush and just floss a little bit. I like when people go that was born in this country You're not gonna fucking

Look, I I will not shop your store I will not do a shop shop at your store if you If you put a put a what's next you're gonna ask to see my shit What's next you're gonna want a seaman sample from my body with a needle What's next, huh? Take off my shoes Yeah, his his logical Deductions are not very good. I like I always like the steps are a little farfetched when a guy

When they do the threat of like You won't be seeing my money in your store and and then you have to go like how will walmart survive Without you buying straws and uh fucking I won't take my business elsewhere. Okay Looks like seven eleven is going to get a little bump in their quarterly revenue Well, I guess I know where I'm buying my toilet paper now and it is not at this particular location of shop

The shop that you do to business for my life in this place that I do it I will be finding a location that is a different one Understand me that this shop is done closed for my business to do you So if you can compute that sentence that I'm throwing to your direction Possibly you need to understand that where we are going is a place that you need to find a wake-up call Because otherwise you will be under lock and key by governments So can you step into his stupid mind so perfectly

I mean, do you know people like this? I feel like I like to think in this way a lot It feels it's therapeutic to think in like the the sort of like the riddle speak of uh, yeah Governments will try to do things to you That will be apprehensible to a lifestyle unknowns to your body And when they do that to such things as children, yeah that are Defensible unknown to these outside objects. You have to wake up and destroy that which is a government's

Intelligence on you Look at your phone, huh? The best when they drop shelf like um Here we go. How about this? Why don't you take out your phone right now and look at it? Guess what? I'll wait It's looking back at you This man has insight right here y'all

I have here Shall we go there or any above 24? What the fuck This again our cdc expert right here That is the perfect angle This is the national hell institute director right here in the bathroom. I put it on the floor up skirt Middle of the conversations 18 And uh

Was that a drool or was that a spit spit? There's a spit spit. I thought it was a drool. Nice spit. I have earrings. You got earrings Shall we go there or any above 24? No, 18 carats That they caught quite big He's got a dip in yeah, I mean that we're here. Oh, he's got a dip in yeah, but I mean still that's his floor Maybe he's got you know what Tom? Maybe he's got a spray can That's true. Maybe he's got a spray can has been cut open jaggedly with a knife

Fuck maybe he's got like a sank of coffee can down there. He's just down there. He just spits in it I mean, he didn't think twice about it. He's just like he doesn't even break. Yeah. He's just like well anyways I went back outside and I did the I don't know if it's a cop or what but he definitely I don't know. He definitely wants you to tell you about his earrings. I got cost a lot This is uh, this is true. This is gold. It really is Wow, this is one that came up on yours. Yes, Jesus Christ This is amazing This is like it's so pure. It's so pure china already owns where we're done, right? Yeah

Like the only we should do like we should do a series of these where we We just we take we take ones like this And we throw in a kind like a lower third that says like dr. Peters from cdc And then we could even like dub over voicing You got to wear your mask when you go when you walk into a store or where you're with near crowds Oh Hi y'all forget the subway sandwich video I had There's nothing better than subway and jimmy johns

the right next stop Subway and Tommy and Tommy johns jimmy johns. This is insane. He's combining the two. He's combining the two That's also brilliant. I've never heard that. I've never ever heard somebody combining subway And jimmy johns and making the ultimate sandwich because they're right. They're so good in and of themselves, right? But to combine the two that's really crazy He's not usually this productive. I did at the beginning of being polyamorous that I no longer do or believe in and why Asking for or expecting veto power from my partner veto power is when you tell your partner that if something about your relationship Makes them uncomfortable. They have the right to pull the plug on it. Healthy polyamory doesn't control people

It allows people to be who they are as long as there's open communication and safety Don't ask don't tell don't ask don't tell in polyamory is when you just agree that you can do what you want But you just don't talk to your other partner about what you're doing or with whom or when Anything in polyamory that encourages less communication is automatically a no in my book. Yeah, don't ask Don't tell acknowledge this that you're going to experience anxiety, but it doesn't do anything about it. True only hooking up no falling in love This one is actually secretly discriminatory against aromantic people That's true because it implies that if you're not in love with someone, it's not a real relationship You're also then approaching new connections by thinking first about what somebody can do for you and not who they are

This is part one This one's like a fucking second job right here. I know Jesus Christ. I know I would do anything not to have to do with this stuff This sounds like some sort of fuck special like mage It's God so much work It's discriminatory against aromantic people and here's the thing a speech like like this Makes me want to be discriminatory against them Like I'm like if this is your spokesperson, I would like you to not be allowed in this building

And how unfun of a lay is this one, huh to have to hear all this shit This is like this kind of reminds me of um of like this shit, you know This is perhaps one of my most requested videos today. We're going to talk about hybrid children My name is shosh. I use they them pronouns and i'm a star seed channeler and spirit worker Hybrid children are a type of star being that consists partly of our dna and partly of the dna of other galactic energies So if you are a star seed, you may also consider yourself a hybrid child But when I talk about children, I'm talking about the ones that are not yet here No, this is me guys. I work with hybrid children. Uh right now they're living on

Ships and kind of parallel worlds or realms And they're actually in schools where they learn about what living on earth is like because they are going to be coming here eventually Probably sooner than we think So I work with them in my meditations teaching them things and I also have a hybrid child myself So my child is made up partly of my energetic template show the child I personally don't remember the time in which my Energetic template was sampled, but some of you may remember these experiences. There's gonna be a part two If you doesn't show the hybrid in this part two. No, it's not there. I call bullshit on that. Yeah

Oh my god Wow street people check it out. You guys ask what my favorite meal is. This is prison. This is my favorite meal here To you it might not look like much. It looks good to me This is it So there's been a whole new Swarm of whatever cluster prison talks prison talks. Wow. Yeah, which I'm completely fascinated by how do you have a phone in prison? There's whole instagrams in prison. Oh my god. I can't believe that I'm like This to me is going to change things because I was

You know bummed out. I just was honestly bummed because I felt like this is this is this is at cali convict If you're interested in following him on this I love when people own it. They're like yep convict Straight up cali convict What's up? So But the big question is are those enchiladas or is that lasagna? What do you mean? Enchiladas enchiladas because look there's beans with the enchiladas looks pretty good. They're not gonna lie. Uh, uh, it's not bad

I would eat that I would eat that too. I like the cheesy melted stuff over there It actually looks I mean, that's not too bad. No, it's not. He's saying that's the home run. That's the shit. That's his favorite meal. Yeah Hey, y'all, you know what tomorrow's friday. Okay. I'm gonna get this beer Yeah, and I'm going to be ready the party with the redneck nation And everybody agrees say hell right The redneck nation live stream tomorrow Would you pull this one just excited for him? Well, it's friday and he's gonna drink and he's hanging out with his hillbilly friends

And I just thought it was nice that they have a club to belong to I like that his eyes are going one when I go this way when I go that way. I like this guy Yeah, he's fun. If his mouth didn't probably definitely smell. Yeah, I think I would be down to have him on my podcast for real Like I could talk this guy for a good hour. I could use all my tiny feets Bruises I have laws in my pocket now. I was trying to I've got cuts I should cut part of my My vagina up

Oh christ Did you know what he did? Yeah, I heard about the cuts and also it's a little messy in that room I don't know if you picked up on the extraordinary amount of trash on the floor Here's what I wonder. I wonder if there's any sort of tobacco dip in that mcdonald's cup. Yeah He's vagina got cut too hers. Sorry, but this is that same guy from the bathroom with the dress I don't know no that guy's place was cleaner than this. They must know each other though, right? He might have been spitting right into that cup actually, you know, like donald's cups are great for spitting dip into wide Yeah, wide open. Yep

Please put me on snapchat if you want to be my girlfriend The shosh underscore aft Again a shosh underscore aft. Thank you. So this guy works for the a hf American health I thought it was a kyle dunnigan video when it started But what I find unique about this one Is that he's on tiktok, but he asks the girls to go to snapchat, which is another platform altogether To message him like why not just message you on the talk

Because maybe uh, he's confused. Yeah It seems a lot of the health directors are confused these days. So it could be could be what was what's happening Now You'll remember last week Okay, well, you'll remember last week he was just going meow meow meow This week he figured out how to put a fireball effect on the meow and that's what you're seeing is the evolution of an artist It's a fire kitty. It's just a classic little fire kitty right there I apologize to people that are listening only and who are like, why are my earbuds blowing out right now?

It's because of the cool fire effect that this man discovered tiktok big handy All right Congratulations the cure rock and roll hall of fame inductees 2019. Are you as excited as I am? Um by the sounds of it. No Robert Smith is a class act the best Robert Smith is like Love him. That's that's pretty amazing. That's why I wanted to show you that the cure is the coolest. Yeah, that's Robert Smith By the sound of it. No

I could see you doing that like Thompson girl. You've been nominated for your first Emmy are you excited? Not really. I don't want to be here. I have to be here I absolutely don't want to be here If you're gonna cough go outside All right, you have to do that now Can I do a bathroom break? Of course. I drank so much tea sure Let's go. All right. So uh a couple more here. Okay You know, you're in love with somebody when you can't

Barely stand it when they go to work I don't want to go to work That's the bad crazy remember talking about crazy tricks. That's not a good one. That's really unstable Yeah, that's not I kind of wish you were like this though. You wish I was like this It's just to show me a little motion like when you leave the house. I'm like Like that Uh, there's something I want to show you that's not a talk, but I think you're gonna really like it Okay, it's a pretty cool video straight out as or remember elf that movie

Elf. Yeah. Yeah, he played Santa Claus. Right. All right. This guy talks. He's like kind of crotchety old white-haired man. Yeah Right before you come. Yeah, I'll swallow if I want to I have no problem swallowing I'd stop for a minute and I'd put a big hickey on your Inner thigh there and just suck on that and make it nice and red and let you remember me after I'm gone Turn over and then I would play with your cheeks. Maybe even massage your little hole and make you feel just the only man in my life You're you're just it Well, it's normal size. It's it's not it's not that that big Well, the one the one thing the one thing that I'm gonna tell you is that the first time it's

It's gonna be quick with me because it's been a long time Okay, you come you come. Let me see. Let me see how much you come. Let me let me see all that How how much uh, how big a load I'm gonna swallow I I need it. I I need it right now I need it right now. Okay Can you see this? Okay, give it to me now. Give it to me now. I can't see it Come on mark. Don't be stingy I'm gonna put this in your mouth and you're gonna have to suck it dry. You're gonna just suck it dry mark

Got that beautiful mouth Give it to me mark. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I can feel it Oh, that's gonna be good. Oh, that's gonna be good It sounds like a pig attrition You bet I'm coming up in me. You better believe I'm coming up in me. Oh, yeah You are terrific. I know you're gonna be good in bed. That's all I can say So That's what a smr is that is right

He uh He's denied that this is he he put out a statement saying that wasn't him. I know he didn't Oh god Jesus christ now, how cool that be? Oh Nothing would say that's you than denying it. It is Many of you have asked me about a video Circulating the interwebs But the head set on

Me uh telling mark knocked to be stingy with his come. I want you to know that's not me It's not me god damn it. It's not fucking me. I would never go that long without swearing The permanent isn't it weird that he's talking as though he's giving a presentation on Fusion cold fusion like it is no passion to me. He sounds like the the tech when you get an MRI Yeah, it's like yeah, okay over the left. Yeah, hold your breath. Hold your breath. Don't move two Okay, breathe. It's gonna be it's gonna be about a minute right here Just don't move for about a minute. You're gonna hear a lot of loud noise. Relax. Okay, relax. Good Good good mark. That's good. Okay, hold on

Mark, hold on. Hold a second No, I hope mark. I'm gonna come now. Hold on I'm I mean, I'm gonna No, I'm not gonna come mark. I mean, I'm gonna uh You're gonna hear a loud sound we're gonna scan your knee is what I meant to say I accidentally said I was gonna come you're gonna hear a loud sound mark Hold on loud sound you're gonna breathe and I'm coming. I mean, uh, we're uh, I've come Oh, I can feel it

When you hear it apart from the video, it's so much better. I know I think that's what bothers me is the big fat belly. Yeah, and then he can't even see his own dick Come on mark. Don't be stingy Man, like if you cut out a few words, you'd have no idea what he's talking about No, you think it's a chat room where I think it's like collectors like they collect like trains stamps or something He's like, yeah, I got that one in 83 and his last time up. They stopped making them So now the value's gone way up the way up with the let me see all that time Let me see and he's also too literal. It's too

It's like those dates we saw where that remember that show you're watching where that couple you come was like I really enjoy spending all this time with you. Yeah, I'm really enjoying holding your hand right now It feels really warm in my heart. Like it's it's too on the nose. Yeah a book on tape Yeah, I like he's reading it. Yeah, and mark and mark said to the man. I'm ready for your come He laid down and found a new place to lay with leaves. It you know what it reminds me of the fucking the dar the dar man video Oh, yeah To the dar man. Should I watch those last week? Have you seen the one where he's talking to the camera?

Maybe this is all of them after the video Where he clearly has two beards. Yeah, that's how he always is we has the he has the goatee beard That's thick and then it's been trimmed down to like a one or a two going from the ears. Hey dar man fam I hope you love that message Please remember we're not just telling stories We're changing lives and when you share my videos you're helping to change lives too I appreciate you and I'll see you in the next video There's one I watched where he was in like a high rise. It looked like I think it was the one

Where he doesn't have a hat on and it's very well lit. Definitely two levels of beard. He's trimmed it. Yeah Well, because you'll notice his eyebrows are very thick thick thick black and then His eyes are also like so thin He's like barely opening his eyes It's a smile because he's put on that big big phony baloney smile I bet they rent a house once a month. They're constantly on the move because it's like They're all these are all like sex slaves. Probably they've stolen from different countries. He's stoned No, it's so weird though. The videos are so strange. Yeah, they're so strange

I feel like we we lit them up pretty hard and I was thinking that in a perfect world If if there really was like just a poetic end of this he would put out one of his videos where it says like podcasting Podcasts makes fun of person and immediately regress it like like like his titles are and then he has like a 400 pound guy I'm like and then the girl With big tits and then what they're doing is they're making some fun of someone for being happy, you know They're like, yeah, happy this loser is and then And then like they stop recording and then they're sad. Yeah, and they know they bicker between like the marriage is secretly falling apart

side and they see the happy person again and and the happy person is real nice like Hey guys, did you want something to eat? The key to would be the podcast host would have a Rolls Royce. Yeah. Yeah, right because rich same rolls Rich people are bad. Yes rich people are bad. That's right And then um, yeah, and then so it's like and then the lesson he's like Don't be mean to people that are just enjoying something and being happy, you know Yeah, that's true because he has very on-the-nose messages Yeah, like don't be mean to poor people

Like okay, don't be like flat out mean to anyone you see. Yeah, don't be like, ah a nerd stupid nerd Oh, I remember you you were from 35 years ago. It's Norman the nerd You're still a nerd you stupid nerd stupid nerd. Haha. I go golfing. I'm not a nerd And then you see that like the comments in it. They're like They're like all like when she said she was like When she like hey get out of the store. You have money. I was like, yeah, she's gonna get it It's so fucking stupid I want to act in one of those. Oh, we're making we're gonna make a feel you're gonna

I'm in I'm down. Well, my whole dream is to be in a hallmark movie. Oh, yeah That's what we're saying is that's the equivalent. They're so bad Have you guys seen a movie called a Christmas Lodge or sorry Christmas Lodge? No, it's Thomas Kincaid's Christmas Lodge It is something I watch. I've probably seen it about 20 times at this point It is it's a film. It's on this level, but it's uh I don't know how to describe it. You've seen this 20 times. You like it. So some party you like I get wasted Like fucking like, you know stoned and drunk just fucking on I get just plowed to passing out point at people over we all watch it

And it's never not funny. Can you look up? Is there a trailer for it? There's gotta be there's gotta be a trailer It's kind of how I feel about kissing booth and kissing booth 2 on netflix where it hurts to watch It's so stupid, but you can't stop because something feels good. Well, this is like Christmas This is like a hallmark with the next level It's even because hallmark kind of has a little bit of a wink to it You know, they know you're watching this because it's like wholesome family thing Christmas time

But something about this one just feels the next level And it's just like delicious how much like the lack of awareness in it I would love to watch Christmas Lodge with you this Christmas. Yeah, that'd be nice. I'll set it up Okay, I want to set up a big viewing just you know, have people just get Blitzed and watch Christmas Lodge. I'm down. I'm good It's really fun. I mean, I know what inside and out at this point. It's kind of like It's like dancing or the fire The move is on something like this is to have this playing

Like when you when you are when it's Christmas time get you and you have the family together Put this on and just don't say anything just let it play so that people go like what the fuck is this, you know Like yeah, it's like when I when what was the kids of Whitney High the kids of Whitney High and I put that on in the car I got the cd and I put it in the car and my dad This it's a special needs kids Saying a It sounds bad. Yeah, they're not good at singing. Um, but what I did was I just put it in the car And then when my dad got him we would just drive and I just would just be quiet and drive just to see him

And he was just looking he's like what the hell is this? I was like, it's just music. He's like it's terrible Yeah, because our songs will be like throw away throw away throw away the trash come on everybody Throw away the trash But if you don't tell an adult that that's what it is and they're just hearing it Yeah, why is this on and that's what that movie is to me That's how my dad feels about literally everything I like so really pretty much everything. He's like, what is this? What is this crap?

Like that. This is the chemical brothers dad. This is uh, this is air force one dad. This is you know, oh, okay okay I guarantee you he probably wouldn't laugh at the Kids of Whitney high or thomas kinkades christmas lodge. I don't think he laughs or anything Who's the who directed that is it kinkade? Oh, I don't know. It's probably directed by god In some sense, you know, I don't I haven't looked at the credits actually That's bad enough where I feel like the director might change their name afterwards

Yeah, I don't know. You would just be like, um Who is go to imdb there thomas kinkade somebody? I should know. Oh, you don't know thomas kinkades Oh, this is this is a big part of it thomas kinkade is a painter director tory terry ingram thomas kinkade paints like, uh Nostalgia stuff like houses with christmas lights and stuff. He has a shop in solving. Does that make sense? Yeah? Yeah, that's what thomas kinkade is so Oh, look at the fact that thomas kinkade is putting his name on a movie

Doesn't make any sense. How did this guy get a directing job after that? Did he directed The white castle movie second unit director. Oh, okay. Wait, where's his uh directing credits director But he's still working Marriage maker mysteries of fatal romance. I think a bunch of these are probably hallmark movies. Yeah, he's yeah He's probably just what they call a hallmark ringer. They bring him in. He just bust that out. He shoots the whole movie in six days And they're like, we had this budgeted for 27. He's like, no, I'll do it in six six days easy What about the christmas lodge? But what about the christmas lodge? We can't get into christmas lodge Oh, is that christmas lodge?

Wait, is this is Is that christmas lodge? What I wouldn't give for one more year at christmas lodge. Did I stutter? I want to go back to the lodge Oh, did I stutter? I like the city Throw away throw away throw away the trash come on everybody Throw away the trash. I gotta hear this now. It's pretty good. Yeah, we actually liked some of the songs on there Yeah, you kind of almost forget that they're Not professional singers

I think I like the non-professional stuff. Maybe better It's kind of authenticity, you know, there's a very uh, there's an authentic quality to it. Yeah, like that like, you know We can't write we can't sing Wait, do you write the songs too? We have to have some sort of like a helper right like a teacher. Yeah. Yes. There's like turning it together There's somebody who's like, hey guys, put the fucking food down. Let's do it from the top Someone's gotta put your snacks away and let's go from the top the guy who blows in the pitch pipe Oh

Jeremy they can hear you chewing. There's a microphone there. Okay, you gotta go Oh my god, I want to do a voice but I don't think I can do it. You can do it I don't think I can. This is a safe space. I know it's a safe space. This space is safe But I have to exist outside the space sometimes sometimes. Yeah So well and that precludes me from Doing the voice I want to do. You're doing the voice you want to do. Well, I could say it's the voice of my dog One last. Yeah, my dog's voice. Yeah, it's so hard to do without looking at her But she's a 75 pound

Oh, she's 85 pounds. Sorry 85 pounds like mutt, right? And she talks like, um Oh, you fucking bitch I think I hate you stupid bits. That's what she says to to my wife. She doesn't feed her Goddamn freaking bits. I'm about to fucking dig off a dumb piece of sweat I'll cut you fucking bars off you piece of sweat. God fucking dammit. Oh, she sees something and she goes holy skip Which is holy shit Holy skip We got this one. We got this

Email from a listener. Yeah, you read this What no, I didn't read that. It's just this is just funny. I think What's the email address? Uh, it's your mom's podcast at gmail.com Podcast Okay It says hey, my I just want to reach out. Let you know that I got to share rpc's original Oh get off orgasm with the entire open heart surgical team today I was in charge of music and pulled up a youtube playlist on my phone or so I thought I didn't realize

That I only picked a song and not the full playlist What was queued up next was ymh episode 4 20 The timing was impeccable as as I was sterile placing a central line And my phone was in my pocket of my scrubs meaning there was no way for anyone to get it Without knowing what episode it was I was trying to place the central line as fast as possible Only to have the intro stop and hear rpc demanding to get fucked by black guys Who love to fuck and fuck good from jail homeless or um There's a thug if you want to move in you can move in but you got to fuck me

He said it made for a fantastic conversation the conversation especially with the older filipino scrub nurse who was less than pleased with rpc's enthusiasm Passed us along to drew as well as he would understand the dynamic keep feathering it andrew. I love it. Yeah pretty Wow good good work That would be I don't think you want to see it in a movie actually. That'd be really funny. Yeah Fuck me. Yeah So that's what he had Fucking heart surgery. Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna come

I would pay money to see that just like to see like a scene, you know Like that scene in swingers with the answering machine. It's like the same thing. Yeah, just like the tension of that That song is so intense too. But this was a surgeon. So this is like a surgery team, right? So yeah surgeon But who was the one who's playing it was a surgeon? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, so that's okay because it was like Oh, right. It was like a scrub nurse or some shit. He's and the surgeon's like Hearing about black guys fucking this guy when I'm trying to put this in someone's heart. You get fired. Yeah, definitely like like

Real fast you fire like Yeah, all right All right, we got a wrap here. Um, oh we got here, uh Straight out of proto by matt and kyle. Yeah, and also working people because you're killing it with the shirt game, man Oh, yeah. Well, you can see him on my uh, I mean on instagram. I see him on instagram. Yeah, instagram Which is just johnny underscore pemberton or you can um Go to johnny pemberton dot dog and I have everything there And the youtube I put everything up on youtube too, which is youtube.com slash just my nipples

Just my nipples with my nipples and same with twitch. It's uh twitch.tv slash Just my nipples great. Penby. We love you man. I love being here. It's the most fun. You can have I think thanks a lot brother What's up there chomo? Listen here Money right now money money right now. You're fired, bud. You're stupid fuck Money right now money money right now. You're fired, bud. You've just ruined your life money right now money money right now You're fired, bud Money right now money money right now. You know what you're fired. Okay, you didn't fall pro This is america. You dumb son of a bitch. This is america. You stupid fuck

What is this place baby raper on your face? Touch my camera through the Cease you faggot Peterson gondola motherfuckers That's the way you do it. You're feathering it, brother. It's a fucking car wash. Light yourself on fire. You're feathering this shit Put your brain on fire. Fucking asshole. We have fucking dang Yeah, we have fucking pink artery

And I felt great. You didn't fall pro to buddy buddy buddy. You're done Money right now money money right now. You're fired, bud. You're stupid fuck Money right now money money right now. You're fired, bud. You've just ruined your life money right now money money right now You're fired, bud Money right now money money right now. You know what you're fired. Okay, you didn't fall pro Ta ta they're returned