Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - 566 - Your Mom's House with Christina P and Tom Segura

Episode Date: August 26, 2020

SPONSORS: - Saatva.com/theshit for $225 off your order - Get $5 off and zero delivery fees on your first order of $15 or more, when you download the DoorDash app and enter code MOM. - Download Best Fiends FREE on the Apple App Store or Google Play. - Go to Stamps.com, click on the Microphone at the TOP of the homepage and type in MOM to get a 4-week trial PLUS free postage AND a digital scale without any long-term commitment. - Go to GetRoman.com/MOM today and if approved, you’ll get fifteen dollars off your first order of ED treatment. - When you purchase a three month subscription, Babbel.com will give you 3 Additional Months for FREE with Promo Code [MOM] - Go to Whoop.com and enter “YOURMOM” at checkout to save 15% JEANS UP! Tom Segura and Christina P start this episode of Your Mom's House out by discussing the YMH Live Show! They read listener feedback about the show expressing gratitude and horror. They watch clips of a cool antimasker in a grocery store, a woman, "airing out" in a different grocery store, an Australian cool guy yelling about Coronavirus, a dude that's been huffing gasoline fumes, a male Karen screaming at a Dunkin Donuts, and a confrontation over an attempted tire theft. The main mommies also respond to an email from a fellow dog breedist. YMH regular Josh Potter then joins Tim and Crystal on the couch to discuss Reese McGuire, Charles Haley, Kellen Winslow Jr., and the indecent acts that tie them all together. Jean and Jean wrap up the show by calling Top Dog and watching some of Christina's TikTok curations.

You're my son. I'm your mom. You're my son. I'm your mom. Ask them will you. Ask, ask, ask them will you. You will get your mom. Yes, I would. You're my son. I'm your mom. It's just like the gaze. It's just like, just, just, just, just, it's just like the gaze. I looked at her and she looked at me. It's just like the gaze. Once in a while he calls me mom, you know what I mean? We're both consenting adults. Ask them will you. Ask, ask, ask them will you. I looked at her and she looked at me. You're my son. I'm your mom. It's just like the gaze. It's just like, just, just, just, it's just like the gaze. Ask them will you. Ask, ask, ask them will you. It's just like the gaze. Yeah, that's how you start a show. That was a real blast. DJ Boy Butter with one of the all time classics just like the gaze.

Don't forget though, what was his logic linking incest to the gaze? His logic was as long as it's two consenting adults. Oh, just like the gaze. Just like the gaze. I, now I get it. So he's like, I can date my mom. You know, the gaze do things. The gaze, yeah. But, but gayness is, it's biological, no? It's on, you can't really. Yeah, I love my mom, my biological too.

We were watching last night, the 90 day fiance, and that guy who was dating Colti, he still lives with his mom. He loves mommy. 34. And we were so infuriated with him. Yes, yeah. It's so, it's so disgusting and unsexual, no? Yeah, yeah. It's pretty gross. And they like, he's like, when he was married to or gonna marry Larissa, right? Last season, he, she was like, I wanna get this couch. He's like, we gotta talk to mom.

She's like, why? He goes, well, we share a bank account. So, he's a grown man being like, I gotta get, talk to mommy. Gotta get mommy's clearance to buy a couch. Yeah. It's so absurd. So there he is in this season now. Yeah.

And he's dating another Brazilian chick. Yeah. Good for him. I like that he likes the Brazilian. And I have to say, he looks a lot better. Colti is now working out in his mom's garage. Yep. And becoming more of a man. Oh my God, is that him right there with the sunglasses?

Thank God. Jesus. He looks a lot better now. Yeah. Colti needs all the hope. He got the look down. Yeah. Yeah.

Just like the gays. Just like, just like the gays. I'm your mom. I'm your my son. I like when he goes, it was a real kiss. Yeah. It's just a real kiss. I want to kiss her.

It was a real kiss. Oh. He gave his mother a passionate kiss on the mouth. I know. Anyways, I am still so reeling from excitement from the live show we did. Yeah. How are you feeling? So just so you know, if you're, if you're listening now, you realize that it seems,

you know, we had, we already had an episode come out after it, but that episode was recorded before the live show. Right. So you have to understand that when we said that, we were like, oh, hope that went well. We hadn't done it or anything. And I have to tell you, I mean, I could get emotional talking about this because I realized that, you know, I really miss doing stand up and I really miss the thrill of performing and like, just like an excitement that I'm addicted to that I don't kind of, I'm not

like consciously addicted to it, but I am. I love doing stand up. I love going on the road and performing. And I realized that I got a big dose of that excitement from the live show because there was a built in exciting aspect to putting on something live. Oh yeah. And I don't know, it, it's so changed everything for us that I can't even explain to you guys that not only are we going to, we're doing it again.

We're, we already booked multiple ones because we had so much fun doing it and the response was so overwhelmingly positive. But we're going to like really up the stakes, up the ante on every, it was for a first time you do it and then you're like, oh, I realized afterwards what the possibilities are. Yes. That like it's, it's direct to you like content and it's allowing us, like once I saw people sending in photos of their TVs, like watching on TV, I was like, oh, like there's so much we can do in those live shows.

The next one, which I won't give you the date just yet, but the next one is, is going to have like more guests, more original content that we shoot. It's, it's a, it's a bump up in the level of show that you're going to see. Right. And I think the biggest part for me, I think it was twofold. It's that one, it gave us all something to look forward to. Yeah. And I think in this time where nobody can do anything to have an event that like you

and all the other people who love the show continue to do at the same time around the world, it was that excitement. Like you said, of a live show where we're all here for one reason at the same time. Yeah. Was really exciting. And also the uncensored part, like even playing, am I allowed to say this, the intro song, there's a, right? There's danger in it, right?

On YouTube because of the content. Yeah. So having no restrictions, it wasn't just about like being disgusting. It led us to music. It can play stuff. Music or just say we can talk about, you know, incest in the gaze and not be potentially flagged. Yeah.

We played the band BBC clip. Yeah. Yeah. All things that like you, you get flagged for it. It was a permission kind of to just do whatever. Yeah. To make a show that we really, really wanted to do. So they're very special in that way.

Yeah. And I don't know. I really enjoyed it. We got so many emails and tweets and comments flooding in here. Do you want me to read some of these? Yeah, sure. Go ahead. This is from Daniel.

Dear mommies, the recent live show left me and my fiance horrified. I could never imagine the darkness that is a human animal. The entire show was watched with an arms reach of a trash can. We turned away multiple times and cried for these quote people and their despair. I threw up and cursed her names. This is without a doubt the best show on earth. Top dog and mommy tits were fantastically drunk and stoic in your attempt to have them hate you.

We love the show and will always support your sick fucking humor. Sincerely, soon to be Mr. and Mrs. Rodriguez. That's awesome. This one's from Jordan. Hey, Hitlers. I just wanted to say this live show was the most proto thing to happen since the moose soup lady cleaned Potter's house with the help of her astral children. In all seriousness, I'm about to embark on my fifth deployment.

I've been in a few IEDs as well as drop bombs here and there, but I've never been so shocked or taken aback as I was watching Mark get his bear fuck on. The McDonald's piece or our friend Pierce be a fucking hero in the beginning. You guys really helped me get through my last deployment and bring about endless laughter and inside jokes. Only the mommies get really appreciate everything you and the team do. Thank you guys. Keep feathering it.

Keep glassing it. Love you, Chomos. That's from Jordan. Oh, and let's not forget Pierce Paris, who in the beginning. Jesus Christ. Huge shout out to that guy. This was by the way, and to be totally transparent, this was his idea. I know.

Yeah, we didn't say like, will you do this? He was like, hey, I got a couple of things you can do with my asshole for the opening of the show. And we were like, what? He goes, you can play cornhole with it. You can, you know, we could put a ring and I could do horseshoe. Well, can I show you? This is behind me.

Yeah. And he constructed this himself. Is it still there? Yeah, it's there. This red thing. He built that and he attached a butt plug to that wooden stick. And that's what we could throw the horseshoe onto that went into his rectum. I mean, really clever guy.

I messaged him. Thank you, Pierce. Yeah. I messaged him. What a special guy and really sweet. Really sweet guy. I said, thank you. It goes without saying.

Thank you so much. People flip for the intro. He goes, you're very welcome. Christina, I can use my butthole for shack value anytime you want. And I said, that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. And he wrote laughing my ass off. Yeah. And I was also shocked when he got naked in front of us.

I haven't seen another guy's dongle like in real life like that. So close. Very close. I was like, whoa. I turned into like a real mom. I was like, oh my gosh. You were looking your lips. I was looking my chops.

I was really shocked, genuinely. Were you ready to get down though? I was more like, is this okay? Am I allowed to look? To look. And I didn't actually. I was like, who until he was in position. I fucking looked.

Did you notice how hairless he was in real life? Oh my God. Yeah. Smooth like a dolphin. That one. Okay. This is Johan. Hi, Hitler.

I want to let you know that I just finished watching the live episode and I really want to give Tommy Todd and Crystal and the rest of the crew a big thank you from the very bottom of my heart. It's literally no form of entertainment that gives me the excitement and glee that YMH provides. Never have I vomited while crying tears of joy except for that one time when I tried heroin. Thanks again to everyone involved for making this very special moment happen.

It could be nothing. It might be nothing more than a podcast, but it really means the world to me. And it sure helps me keeping it extremely high and tight because it might be me Johan. And then Mike writes, I've never been more fucked up in my life from what I saw on Friday. I knew how fucked up the show already was, but seeing the video of the gentleman who pumped his balls to a grotesquely, a grotesquely size, to the man who pulled the giant snot out of the nose. I have to say the snot out of the nose was horrendous.

It was pretty gross. You both fucked me up and made me absolutely sick to my stomach and to mommy Tina, who was an advocate for good mental health, no amount of therapy can help me unsee what I saw. With that being said, I love the podcast and hope you have another live soon, Mike. So fantastic. People are really, really into it. I mean, we have a live show clip.

I can show you a couple. I don't think you're going to like this mom. Turn your head. Turn your head. No parents. No, no, no, no. Just showing them gross shit. No, I don't think that would fly.

He's clearing it to see if my mom can watch it. Nope. He's flying. He didn't think that. You don't think that one would fly? I don't think that would fly. That would not fly. Okay.

You can stand up now. Did she lay on the ground? She's so hammered. She was so drunk. Ripped. She was, by the way, my mom is almost that drunk with one glass of wine. So she was like a glass and a half in. Yeah.

That's it. That's it. It's always been like that. I don't know why you see her being like. She puts ice cubes in her red wine, which is really neat. It's really cool. It's very special, lady. There is some gross stuff in the.

I didn't like this one. I didn't like this one. Look, look, look. You got to see this one. I cannot. That was so horrible. That is so fucking fucked up. Oh my God.

Holy shit. Oh my God. That is not real. Oh my God. I feel like my hernias are going to reopen. That is so fucking fucked up. Oh my God. Holy shit.

Oh my God. Oh my God. I don't believe my hernias are going to reopen. So. Thanks for planning it again. Yeah. I finally am forgotten about it. Like, oh, we'll take it off.

I know. You know, we haven't played the opening clip yet. Have we? No. We got too excited. Yeah. We got too excited about this. There's a lot to get into today.

There is a lot. Let's do the opening clips so we can take this down. You ready? Yeah. All right. Here we go. Let's go, guys. These people won't learn.

These people won't learn. They won't learn. They won't learn. You won't learn. That's a, that's a lane, uh, uh, mad dad. Um, it's my favorite lane of the, uh, it's not real. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, that's an interesting theory. Why I would, I'm always amazed at how skilled our government is, um, in, in pulling the wool over our eyes. You know what I mean? Like they orchestrated this whole fake pandemic. There's so many dumb people to why so alarming, but that's not surprising anymore. You know, when you, if you jump into the internet to be like, what are people's perspective? You know, on things, it's like, it's never, that's, you'll find somebody that doesn't believe in, I don't know, anything fact evidence based. And they just, I don't know.

They just go into the grocery store and they yell about it. I know. Cause it is a time where people are like, science isn't real. Science is changing all the time. I don't believe it. Well, yeah, I mean, they find out new shit every week. I mean, there's different levels of, yeah, you can be like insanely cautious about things just like about the pandemic. Yeah.

You can go like overboard. Yeah. We know people who aren't going crazy. But the whole idea of you're like, none of it's real. Okay. Sure. Dad's, yeah, this guy is a real. He's a mad dad.

He's a mad dad. I mean, here, I'll give you the whole thing. These people won't learn. These people won't learn. Those are sons. Like, come on, dad. You're a bunch of idiots wearing masks. You know it's not real.

Look at you fools. You got a fucking doily on your face. Three tarts. Looks like you fucking got off your mom's countertop. You look like an idiot. You're a child trying to make you wear a mask. Shut up. Shut up.

You're a dork. Look at you. You're a dork. Look at you, you giant fucking dork. Dork. Come outside. Come outside. Uh-oh.

Dad, dad. I'll feed that fucking mask off your face. And I'll fucking retard. Retard dork is pretty great. Picking up his dad off the ground. You're a bunch of pussies wearing masks. I picked him up. He picked him up like a kid.

He picked up dad. That kid's strong. Oh, my God. Yeah. He's also really seemed like he's done that before. He's like one thing I can do with my dad when he gets fired up as I pick him up when I carry him out of places.

But they've got to know that dad is getting explosive in public now, too. I'll feed that fucking mask off your face. And I like how he looks like a fucking doily. Pussy faggot. Oh, my God. You know what I mean? He also has to emasculate him about the mask.

It's also girly. Yeah, it's girly. Which is so weird. Dork is good. You fucking giant dork. They're all pussies. That's like as your child is carrying you out. You're a bunch of pussies wearing masks.

My 15-year-old son is carrying me right now. Yeah. Yeah. That's embarrassing. Yeah. But why are we a pussy? That's interesting. You should be brave and just get the rona, right?

Right. I would like to send guys like that right into fucking the outbreak point. Me, too. You go to Wuhan. Go ahead. You fucking, you get it. You just got to take your showers and wash your hands.

You asshole. You got to just, you got to take care of your body. You got to just, you got to cool your ass off. You know how many times I've wanted to do that? I'd rather see that at the grocery store than the guy. I would, too. I don't want that combative energy around me when I'm trying to shop.

I know. For salmon. And that looked like a Whole Foods-y type of restaurant place, too. What's going on with her asshole? It's hot. It's August. And she's wearing her jeans shorts and as hot as shit.

She's airing out her asshole, right? And her cooch. I've wanted, I think they should have stations that you can air out your cooch and your balls when it's hot. Wouldn't that be awesome if like they just did provide refrigerated areas for you? Yeah. This time of year for your balls, you know, underwear.

Yeah. Does it fall? What else does she do here? No, this is it. Oh, it's enough, I guess. That's rad. Speaking of balls, you cranked out your first nut. Oh, my God.

After you recite to me and everybody is waiting patiently to hear how did it go. So I've been, a lot of people were, I'm surprised, you know, whenever you get into anything, whether it's a show, a product, all of a sudden people doing into the same thing will engage you, right? Like I'm watching the show or like I, whatever, I bought this watch and then everyone's like, I got the same, you

know, it was. So once I put it out there, I got a vasectomy. I started getting hit up. Like I just got one yesterday. I got one last week. I got one last year. Like hundreds of people started messaging me about it and some people had, you know, weird stories.

So they start giving you anxiety about it. Like what? Just like some people were like, I jerked off that day. Some people, I waited 10 days. I waited two weeks. The day of? People were like, you know, it could go badly. This and that.

I got, I see my doctor and he was like, he was like, no, you can do it now. He goes, it probably won't feel good. And I go, why? He's like, cause you're all black and blue down there and bru, like cause I was all bruised, you know. I go again and it goes in with the hernia. There's going to be more pain because obviously like the

pubic pad area is where your hernia scar is. Yeah. It's fresh. Yeah. So like any of that skin moving is going to hurt. Oh yeah. That's true. So I haven't busted a nut now in like, I don't know, 10 days

or something. Right. Oh, but we didn't bust nuts before your procedure. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Cause yeah. That's what I'm saying. It's a leading up to it.

Gosh. That's what I'm saying. So it's all backed up and I'm like starting to get like fired up, you know, I'm waking up with like raging boners. Yeah. But then you'd wake up and you, you know, you reach down there and it hurts. Like things still hurt.

The area hurts. So it's black and blue anyways. Like it keeps, and then I realized one morning I'm like, I got to try to get this one out cause I'm, I'm, I'm really, you know, uncomfortable. So I do this thing. I use a very advanced technique and I. What's your technique?

Cause we use the thing is that we woke up that morning and you're like, today's the day I'm going to crank out my first load. And I was like, good luck. Lock the door so that the kids don't come in on you. And so I went downstairs and I made breakfast and I was like, he's jerking off right now. Like I knew that downstairs you were upstairs getting your

first load out. Let me see all that. Yeah. And I felt like at Asner cause I wanted to hear it play by play. And I wanted to know if the hole is, is that where it spits out of and. Yep.

How big a load I'm going to swallow. Yeah. So I started doing my thing. Did you do it in their bed or in the shower? I laid, I just laid, laid down in bed. On the towel. On my stomach. So I could like try to just aim for the towel.

Yeah. Yeah. And so I'm, I'm getting worked up. I'm doing it. What are you, are you looking at pornography? Yeah. Yeah. Which, which clips did we choose?

Did you take a long time to choose a clip or? No. Were you just ready? I got into it. I got into it. I was like, what's there? Boom. Yeah.

I didn't do any searching. You were just like the first one. A woman and a man. That's when you're desperate. Yeah. So I just saw them doing it. I don't think I even liked her. I just was like, this will do whore.

So I just started to whore. Yeah. Do you say that? Are you like, do you put her down mentally? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. This fucking. But like not because I wanted to mean her. I just find that to be a turn on. Yeah. You know, I know. Stupid whore. So then I, yeah, I hear the thing.

I couldn't really go like this. Yeah. Because I feel like that would pull too much of the, you know. So I had to like stay right near the head, the top. Yes. Like so I became like, I'm kind of good at giving handys. I think I could probably, if you want to find out, hit me up, you know. Who would you give a hand?

I feel like I really perfected it. You mean your wrist technique. So you had to go to the top of the D. Yeah. That's my hole. Yeah. And just kind of. Listen to Ed Asner clips.

Yeah. Of course. Well, I had him on another, on another device. You know what? So I watched him and he was like. That's where it spits. Yeah. You know what's great is that what we were thinking like, wouldn't it be funny to watch pornography

on the TV like people used to, people used to watch it because we have a TV right in front of our bed. Yeah. That would be great if I walked in on you and you had it like. Oh, it could have happened here. So anyways, one guy told me he was like, it was terrifying the first time I did it. And I go, why? Because you just don't know what's going to happen.

And here's the thing. I understood. I intellectually understood what he meant. Yeah. The one I was doing it is when it hit me, right? Because as it was building, like you're building up to your orgasm, you're like, you start to go like, oh my God, oh my God, because I don't like part of you goes, could this come out incorrectly?

Like, and also you're waking up everything that's been dormant for like almost two weeks. You know? So it's like, it's coming up. And so as I started to ejaculate, like it felt like an orgasm, but I just started laughing because I was scared. So I started to orgasm and I was like, like that. It's probably like what I imagine like your first homicide feels like I'm really doing it.

I'm really fucking like, you know, I mean, you're like, I can't believe I could kill someone. So it felt like that. It was, I was really like, yeah. And then I looked down and I was like, oh, cause I was like, is it going to be all bloody? Yeah. I don't know why it's bloody. Yeah.

I know. Are like discolored or something. Yeah. It was still regular, perfect, delicious jizz. With the taste of the same. Same. Yep. We hold on.

But was the quantity less? Let me see all that gum. No. It was the same quantity. Wow. Nothing has changed with your seminal fluid. And did it hurt? No.

No pain? No. It was a little like, it felt a little bit different, but I feel like that was just like reviving things. And then I did it again the next day. You didn't even tell me about this. Yeah. Same kind of thing though, because like I started to do like a little more regular technique

and it hurts the base. Yeah. See, cause I want to give a loving assist, but I feel like you're still so tender ony that I might. I might be better for you to do your own thing. This week, I think you could probably. But just the top. Use your mouth.

You can't go the whole distance, babe. Yeah, I know. Just go around the tip. Yeah, just like that. We can get one out together. Yeah. You ready? Ready to do that?

Right now? Not right now. I think it's more of like the live show. Yeah. Dr. Drew and I were talking to this person left a voicemail and he was like, I have had the same girlfriend for years and I hate going down on her. Like she, I don't like going down on her and Drew and I at the same time were like, should we say it at the same time?

One, two, three. You're gay. Right? Cause I didn't think like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think you're gay.

If you're a guy and you don't like going down on that girl, I think you're gay. Yeah. That's kind of. I don't think that's outrageous to say. And if you're like, no, I'm like, yeah, no, I do. He wasn't like, you know, she has an abnormal smell or whatever. Yeah, that's different. That's a different story.

But you've been together for years. You figure if she did have a smell, you would just be like, hey, are you okay? I think you're at least three quarters gay. Three quarters gay. Yeah. Yeah. Cause this smell wouldn't even deter you really. Not me.

I'm going down. Not me and a lot of other cool guys out there. We don't mind. We don't mind at all. The cool guys club. Yeah. I know. I know.

I like it. That's why women don't need to be so uptight in this stuff. That's stinky box. Yeah. Yeah. You're so nasty, Tom. It's true. It's very true.

Um. I'm here to fucking preach the truth, to rise up motherfuckers in the matrix because you're all fucking fluoridated in the fucking head. Fluoridated. You listen to all your fucking idols in Hollywood and fucking toss off to them and listen to fucking Kanye West and all your fucking stupid fucking German Nazi googles that just jizz on your face daily. What?

Wait, who your German Nazi googolike it is? Shit's going to happen. Their vest stripped the whole fucking economy. We can't get out of our houses until fucking September over a fucking flu and fudge figures. And all you care about is fucking, oh, look at this, cunt. He's fucking cooked. Yeah, I'm fucking cooked all fucking smackers in a fucking head come out of my house in fucking six weeks, fucking biffs on cunts, your fucking dogs.

Oh, baby. Damn. Dog cunts. Dog cunts. He's got prison vibes for sure. Dude, this quarantine can really fuck with somebody. Staying indoors is not good. It's not good for you.

You stupid fucking cunts in Australia. You think the government's testing how fucking strong you are. If you're going to fucking stand up, you're fucking idiots. They'll come back at us, they don't care. You want something that I'm on? Yeah, you want a bit of fucking what I'm on? Keep drinking your fucking town's water and you'll get fucking scurrosis in your brain. Get fucking drinking all the pestilence in our fucking society and you'll start losing

your fucking brain. Have your fucking Hitler's meth and you'll end up like me. Hitler's meth. That's a new kind. Dude, that would be such a dope marketing tactic for a drug dealer, I think, to label your meth Hitler's meth. You know what I mean? If you're in the game, if you're like, I'm trying to move weight, what do you got?

I got Hitler's meth. If I'm a meth guy, I'd be like, that's got to be intense. That's pretty bad. Right, like it's a badass. That's got to be strong. And then you go, what do you mean they're like, this is Hitler level meth. Yeah. Well, that's true because I used to smoke a weed that was called heroin.

And I was like, oh, that's like a badass strain because it's so bad that it's called heroin. I'm just saying, if you're out there and you're dealing meth, why don't you throw a little fucking label on it? Quit being stingy. Oh, I got good meth. What kind? Hitler's. It's Hitler's meth.

Yeah, dude. It's a badass meth. Let me get a couple bags. Yeah. I got a lot of homework tonight. Get put on fucking Aperac when you're 12 years old because you get your throat nearly stabbed by a fucking pedavol. That fucks your brain as well.

It's full of fucking fluoride. First dude's fired up, man. Yeah. You dumb fucks in Australia. You think I'm fucking stupid? Wait until the Gestapo come in your house and rip you out for fucking contract tracing because you're not getting the vaccine because you're not fucking telling the New World Order line.

The Blade Runner 2049's coming, you fucking bitches in Australia, you're all fucking bitches. Just a bunch of fucking cousins that all I'm related to, many cunts and you're all a bunch of fucking bitches in Australia. I wonder if Mad Dad and him would get along like I wonder if that is actually a match made in heaven. Also, where are we? Brisbane, Adelaide, Sydney, Melbourne.

I really wonder where this gentleman is from. What happened? Bring back the fucking beef. Fuck you, Daniel Andrews. Fuck all you wankers wearing the fucking mask and believing New World Order. Fuck you fucking dog cunts. Dog cunts. Say.

There it is. I like his look. I gotta tell you. I kind of do. I kind of feel like this is kind of a fantasy look for me. Yeah. The chest piece, the big fat gold chain. I like it.

I like it too. I respect it. I think I could do it. I think you could. You know what I really like is, you know how hard it is to get that fired up just talking into a phone? Like the camera alone? You're just alone.

Yeah. I mean, if you've ever made a video, it's actually really hard to connect with this guy. He's so fired up. He's doing this shit alone in his room. This was so much in an uncomfortably intense direction that I feel like I need to cleanse the palate in the other way. Really?

Yeah. Hey everybody. I'll keep it brief, but I kind of got involved with gasoline fumes again. This is what I've been trying so hard to go ahead and prevent and put an end to. Yeah. Oh shit. What happens is it makes it hard for me to breathe and I get dizzy and hardly move. Yeah.

Yeah. So I'm asking again to please let's help this not happen to anybody else. Let's put an end to gasoline and talk to you later. Is he laying in gasoline? What is this around his head? He's laying in a black pool. Something and cool about him is that he's on the gasoline fumes and clearly he enjoys it, but he still has the wherewithal to be giving issue a warning.

He's like, I'm fucking ripped and you shouldn't do this. Don't do what I'm doing even though it's awesome. I'm struggling to breathe right now. What is he laying in? How come it's so black around his head? What happens is it makes it hard for me to breathe. I get dizzy. Let's put an end to gasoline.

Oh my God. Let's put an end to gasoline. Let's put an end. Also, his intro is that it's like his followers know he has a gasoline problem because he's like gasoline fumes again. Again. Yeah. I'm back on it.

Trail off the wagon. It probably is one of the easier habits to have because you can just go and buy your gas. I love the smell of gasoline. I did too. You put it in that red canister and then you just huff it. Just huff it. Yeah.

I mean, how long can that supply last? I would do it. My 10 would last like a month. It's great. One of my favorite things. I like how he's like, I can't breathe. It's a great PSA. Jesus Christ.

It takes all kinds. Let's just throw in an additional PSA. Don't huff gasoline. It's so bad. It's not good for you. Okay. I feel like I have to let people know. You also shouldn't jump off of a bridge.

Oh. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Shit. That was unbelievable.

Dude, just by chance, he landed in that. Just by chance. If he had jumped one second before, he may have landed on the rim of the front there. Just cracked everything. Damn. Two seconds earlier, just straight in the water and the boat just hits him. Oh my God. Could have been a cooler vid, but this is pretty cool.

Wow. And this is definitely one of those times where being drunk is to your advantage. Oh, yeah. Him being limp like that probably saved his life, right? Yeah. Because don't you, when you get into car accidents. He did almost a million dollar baby himself. By the way, did you see that?

It was the top comment a few episodes ago and it was like, I don't know why, but I think it'd be pretty cool to see Nadav in a wheelchair. Yeah. That's interesting. I didn't see that. You didn't? It was like the, it was the thumbed up, I don't know, a couple thousand times. It was the top, a couple thousand?

Yeah. That's neat. Makes you feel good, right? How would I end up in the wheelchair? I think it had to do with the chiropractic adjustment that we're going to do. Yeah, we're going to do it. Hopefully. We should do it on the next live show.

On the live would be great. Well, if we had a chiropractor here walking you through it, then would you be okay with that? No, no, no, no. A chiropractor doing it. I think I'd be okay with that. Just giving him coaching. Just come on, dude.

Let him coach you through it. Through you paralyzing me? Yeah, man. It's not going to happen. Nothing bad will happen if he's here. I don't understand how you're saying that so confidently. Because, yeah, here it is. I don't know why, but I think Nadav would look pretty cool in a wheelchair.

That was the top comment. One point two thousand thumbs up. That's a lot. And then it says, I like him, but I like him better in a wheelchair. Well, give the people what they want, right? Yeah, man. Got to. Dude, let's do it.

All right, I'll buy a wheelchair ahead of time so we're prepared for when it happens. Awesome. For when I go like, okay, I'm sorry. You were right. I don't know how to do this. How am I going to drive? Oh, they make adapters and everything now. You can modify your car.

Oh, man. Can't wait. Yeah, it's fine. And you've got that new sofa bed. Did you know, by the way, if you want to take a vacation, hedonism is open in Jamaica now. Hedonism too? Hedonism too. That was crazy.

That was so fucking crazy. Hedonism too proudly opened its doors recently. If you guys are into, it's a clothing optional resort in Negro. And I've actually visited one when I was on the Road Rules Real World Challenge. Just horn it up. Horn it up. And it is wild because people will be naked and bonded here. Scroll up.

Scroll up. Nobody there looks like that. Nobody. Just a thumbs up. Nobody. Heads up. Sorry. Nobody looks like that.

And I got to walk around and see. The marketing looks like that. But the guests don't. Nobody looks like that at hedonism. I can fucking tell you. There's a buffet and everybody's naked at the buffet. Hold on. Do you hear what I'm saying?

Yeah, yeah, of course. And there was like a master and servant, like a chain-caller dog and a leash. And they're like, you go get your buffet and sit down and eat your chicken next to naked people. It's fucking so unsanitary. So I don't know how these people are going to fight COVID. Well, here's the other thing too. Make that bigger at the texer so we can read it.

What to expect. Yeah, because if when you do see every once in a while, there's going to be like a really good-looking couple. But guess what? Yeah, they are. No, no, you're right. But they're not fucking the ugliest. My point is that they're going to be disappointed.

They're going to be like, everyone here is gross. We're so hot. And so they're not going to be like down to fuck you, you know? They're just there like, oh, it's just us. So you can explore and enjoy all your hedonistic desires, a place that feels like a second home, complete with a friendly, helpful staff that's ready to assist you. As you discover all the sensual pleasures, hedonism too has to offer. As master of your own domain, you are free to be as mild or as wild as you wish, indulge

in all the allure life has to offer, tantalize all your senses from the scent of a crisp ocean breeze to the taste of your favorite top shelf cocktail, indulge the decadence of gourmet meals crafted by award-winning chefs, feel the pillow soft sand beneath your toes, the brilliant sun as it envelops and warms you with its glow, take in the panoramic vistas known as the world-renowned Seven Mile Beach. OK, expect to have unrestricted fun your way. People from all over the world, their fantasies, sensually charged environment, whether you want to slow down or pick up the pace with games and entertainment.

Are they just... They fuck everywhere. Really? It's literally, I remember walking like, yeah, there's people fucking in hot tubs and then they have... Can you just fuck by the pool? You can fuck by the pool. You can fuck on the dance floor.

You can fuck at the dinner table. You can fuck and there's rooms that are just like piano bar, naked person, fucking. It's so unsanitary and gross. It's so gross. It's enjoyable in the fantasy aspect where your mind goes, oh, no, that's cool. But the reality is you're just sitting by the pool and you see this dog getting railed and she's like, you hear noises and you're smelling it and you're like, get the fuck out of here.

Exactly. There's a million Ed Asner's and one hot couple, right? It's people that are fucking... I'm gonna get hard till I'm ready to come. It's all types of people like that. It really is, yeah. And it's people like us that are like regular bodies. It's not hot bods, dudes.

How big a load I'm gonna swallow. You're hearing that? You're like, oh, Jesus Christ. It is so grody and they're like, yeah, you're not gonna get COVID. Everyone's gonna wear... Everyone's gonna use hand sanitizers before they go down on each other and like fuck each other. I mean, it's a fuck club.

There's no way you're gonna prevent COVID from spreading. It's really crazy. So crazy. You wanna hear a bike guy update? I do. I saw you post it on the Grom yesterday and I did not ask you on purpose just so I could find out on the show with everyone else. Okay.

So bike guy... The saga continues. Bike guy. God, he's such a fucking horrible guy. So we were doing the live show. And when we were doing the live show, that was on Friday, right? Friday. Yeah, I had messaged him on Friday.

I said, hey, you never checked in or sent someone. That's what I mentioned on Friday during the live show, right? And he writes back, at 6 p.m., we're doing the live show. I know I'm trying to get there this evening. I won't leave you hanging. I'll get their ASAPs. You can ride this weekend. That was six o'clock on a Friday.

Wait, when are you gonna come by like 10 o'clock at night? What are you talking about? That's so crazy. So guess what? He didn't come by. No. He didn't call. Okay.

So Saturday morning, I just sent him a question mark. And he goes, sorry, I couldn't get there last night. I should be there once beach traffic dies down a little. If you have my word, we'll get their ASAP, thanks. That's 1.30 on Saturday. He didn't like, you know what I mean? The normal thing would have been like, hey, I couldn't get there last night. You prompt it.

You write it in the morning. This is 1.30 on Saturday. And hold on. There's no beach traffic at 1.30. Yeah, no, no. So I wrote okay. So guess what? Three hours later at 4.30, I just write, how about now?

I mean, and then he writes, he waits three hours. He waits three hours and he writes, sorry, three and a half hours. Hey, bro, I'm trying to get there and you're my first priority on the schedule. But we're still on a skeleton crew, so I appreciate your patience. So I'm meeting another customer in Santa Monica tomorrow morning. So now we're pushing it another day. So I can come by before that for my first appointment of the day. Be there between 11am and 12.30 and I'll text you 30 to 60 minutes before arrival.

Thanks. And I just write, okay, thanks. I mean, I'm just taking this as like a game now, you know. He writes, no problem. All we need is somebody open the garage. We can check the bikes. And I go, okay, let me know when you'll be here. That's, he's like, we'll be in and out in less than 15 minutes.

Figured while there. We'll just check over all the bikes. Let me know if you need anything else. I go, okay. So it's Sunday. Right? I'm supposed to be the first appointment. Friday night.

He was supposed to come. Oh yeah. No, that's in the past now. So now it's Sunday. Okay. We texted him Friday. He's like, I'll come by tonight for the weekend. Now it's Sunday.

Weekend's about to be over. So it's Sunday at noon, which is like the window that he told me he would be here by. And he, let me see. He prompts it. He starts it. Hey there. I'll be there by 1pm. Depending on traffic.

Traffic. That's Sunday traffic. That's Sunday beach traffic. He goes, so I'll text you when I get close and I go, okay, great. I write him some stuff about the different bikes and like the issues. And then I just decide to hit him up at 107. I go, what's your ETA? And he responds, running a little behind schedule.

Yeah, weird, all that Sunday afternoon traffic. So I'll be there about in about 35, 40 minutes. I'm getting close and I'm like, nah, I go, okay, and he goes, please confirm your address. So I do. He goes, okay, see you then. And he goes, I arrived. Can you open the garage? And I go, it's open.

And then I walk and he comes down into the garage and he's like, hey man. How was he? Well, is he, is he tweaking? He had a mask on. He has these insanely piercing, like light blue, like sky blue eyes, like, and like you see them and you're like, Jesus, like they, they don't, they're like, unnaturally clear, you know? But yeah, it skins a little iffy.

Yeah, yeah. Was he sweaty? Because he was really gray and sweaty when I met him. He wasn't sweaty. He, you know, he, he, he, like he, he really knows bikes and he was like going through some of the, the mechanisms about this and that and the rotor and this and the brakes and he's really breaking the stuff down and I'm like, all right, man. And I, when I was leaving, he was like, do you want to get like a different bike seat?

And I'm like, this is hilarious. Right? Because I go, oh yeah, no, I'd like to get a different bike seat. He goes, yeah, I'll send you some options. I go, okay. So he texts me. Okay. Like he texts me, let me see what time he.

This is before his Sunday visit. You're saying? No, this is after. After. So like three hours. Yeah. He fixes everything. Three hours later, he sends me a text.

He goes, here's the seat options. Let me know what you like. Wow. Now that's a lot for him to follow up like. So I write back. I go, these two look the best. I wrote that, um, six PM, but like 20 minutes after he texted them to me and that was it. I never heard anything back.

Um, yeah. And then he also, so I was, he also was like, Hey, cause I had mentioned a bike that I like. He's like, do you want to get one? And I go, yeah, I want to get one from you. Yeah. So I told him the one I liked and he was like, okay, we'll, we'll set that up for you. And I'm like, I just want to know like what kind of, uh, you know, what kind of experience I, here's the thing.

Okay. Here's what I realized by Christmas. You'll get the new one. This is what I realized. Yeah. I am attracted to abnormal behavior and being around it. Yeah. I can't get away from it.

And if you're like, really? Yeah. Look at this 10 year podcast. I know this shows you, cause people ask me, they're like, why would you follow up with him? Why would I go? Because I want to see what happens. Yeah.

Remember my Jesus trainer? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's in mostly stories, right? And if you go back to that, that's 2016. Yeah. If you go back to that special and even the podcast in that time, I'm talking about them.

And one of the thing that everybody, you and my friends were like, why are you still working out with this guy? Cause I would tell the people stories about it. Yeah. And I was like, cause I can't stop. Feels good. I can't stop being around it because it's abnormal. And I have a, and there's something in me that is really drawn to it.

Like that stuff. Like that stuff. To this behavior. Yeah. And so this dude, until he does something egregious where I go, like that's too much of a red flag. It's like I want to observe him and be around his. Cause it's really funny.

And it's really amusing. It's funny and it's thrilling. It's still, here's the thing. I like, I think that it justifiably frustrates me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to feel frustrated all day, but I think every once in a while I want to

have a legitimate gripe of being like this fucking guy. See, and I think what that guy provides, he's kind of, he's your, uh, he's your whipping boy, but he's a legitimate whipping boy. So now you don't take it out on me or anyone else or the kids or your dog or whoever or your dog. Cause now this guy takes the fall. Yeah. It's really a really healthy sublimation.

I would say. I think so. It's a healthy way for you to get your anger out and your frustration on a small person. Everybody asks the way to channel these things, but also I remember it very vividly having Dr. Drew on, I think the first or the second time and I go, I like studying human behavior. Cause he asked me like, why do you like these clubs? I go, I like studying human behavior. And he goes, no, you don't.

And I go, what do you mean? He goes, you like studying abnormal human behavior. Yeah, me too though. And I was like, Oh, that's a good point. Yeah. I like being around that. I wonder why, what my, cause I, I'm also drawn to it as well, which is why I love Tik Tok.

I don't, I love the dark side of the forest. I'm fascinated endlessly by abnormal behavior, but I don't know what the deal is with me. Why? Why do you think I like it so much? I find it amusing. I think for you, it provides a different thing, but I don't like, I don't like being in real contact with it. Like that, that guy, I was like, boop.

I'm done. I'm you deal with this guy. I don't like it in my real life, but I love watching it and like, it makes me really laugh. Yeah. It's amusing. Yeah. What do you think it is? I think for you, it makes you go like, part of it makes you go, like it reverifies for

you that you're normal. I was just going to say that. Yeah. I think so too. Cause then I go, that's something else that like, I can check that box off and be like, oh, but at least I may be wacky, but I'm not that wacky. Yeah. That's so true.

You're not like channeling your anger like this. I'm not her job taken. I don't know who she thinks she's talking to, but that ain't acceptable. Yeah. I'm going to have a conversation with her, but she's got a fucking line in the road, and there's no one in front of me. Yeah. I'm going to come inside.

Okay. There you go. See, I would be the guy video, videoing right now that'd be me and I'd be like, I love it too. Just ear to ear. But see, I'm judging him and going. Thank God I'm not that crazy. Yeah.

And a medium iced coffee. Imagine going back to your order after that. All right. That's what I wanted. I wanted a medium coffee. All right, dude. Just threaten to kill everybody. Yeah.

It's like when you're doing standup and you're in the middle of a joke and then a heckler fucks with you. So then you have to fuck with the heckler and then you go back to the jail and then you can't. Yeah. That's the worst. That's the worst thing about those hecklers. They derail what you're doing and you're like, you just fucked up the momentum of this

whole thing. I know. It's a big deal. Fuckers. Fucking piece of shit. Fucking dog cunts. God damn it. Eat shit and die.

Yeah. I hate hecklers. They should die. Hey, can I read you this one email? Yeah. I propose our dog racism conversation, the dog, if you could pull up the image here. Oh, you have it. Okay.

My name is Jeff from Illinois and I recently listened to your podcast where you discuss dog racism and which kind of dogs. I'm a breedist. A breedist is what you say. I'm not a racist. I'm a breedist. I'm a breedist too. Which kind of dogs are worthy to be pet by Tom?

I think you would get a kick out of my girlfriend's dog Gizmo since she's pug slash Brussels mix. And there she is. We were very excited when you guys said you had a Brussels on the show. And when Tom approved of pugs, as her family has had pugs most of her life. Don't worry. We are not dog racists. Oh, I had a pit bull named Dodge.

Thank you guys. I mean, look how cute this one is. I'm a breedist and you're welcome in my house, Gizmo. I'm a breedist too. I love Brussels and pug. That's their pit bull. Not interested. Oh my goodness.

I'm a breedist and I'm just kidding. It's super cute. I love doggies. I lived with a pit bull for a summer. You did. Where? Trixie. Really?

Yeah. And did you like that pit bull? It was a Trixie and she was all muscle. I mean, holy shit. And she would run up, jump into my bed every morning when I got up and just I could just like I could take my full grown man strength and just go and fucking throw her and she would just jump back on. It was unbelievably strong dog.

Yeah. Yeah. She was adorable. She would throw and then not bear out of it. No. But like she also, you know, like play toys, like a rope, you know what I mean? Like a shoey thing and you pull, you would be blown away at how strong this dog is. I bet.

I mean, you see it too when she walked. She was, you could see definition just muscle everywhere. Their muscle. Yeah. I've never actually, I've never had a pit bull or really had much time with one. So I don't know. But they looked. Burt fucked one.

He did? Yes. A pit bull. Burt fucked a pit bull. Wow. Did he like it? Yeah. Yeah.

He said they really throw their asses back into it. There's a muscular. It's a cute dog. Let me see the first picture of again, of Trix, of Gizmo. Oh, there you go. That's a sweet doggy. Sweet doggy. I like those kinds.

Oh, there you go, Blue. Yeah. Look at that. I like the coloring on there too. It's got pug color, but a Brussels shape. Yeah. It's really cute. It's really cute.

I can't wait to get like five more Brussels when our kids leave. Yeah. For college, I'm gonna get like five of them. I'm gonna name them all people's names though. Remember? We wanted to name one Tiffany. Yeah, because we met at Tiffany. Tiffany, Rick, Aaron, Michelle, and Bob.

Yeah. All people's names. All people's names. No, he's really funny. Where's Bobby? Stephen. Where's Stephen? Steve took a shit in the kitchen today.

Mmm. Brandy. Or what if we named them all like trashy girl names? You know? Crystal. Crystal. Chandy. Chandy.

Yeah. What's up you fucking little slut dogs? Shelly. Yeah. Shelby. Cinnamon. I'll tell you, this is like a clip in here before we stopped down for a moment. We have the great Josh Potter coming back to talk with us.

But this clip is like, like you can, it's like one of those moments that you realize the fact that this guy was able to capture this, kind of derail it, and then the feelings that you'll feel, I think, just like, I can't even. Well, let me see now. I'm all pumped up. I can't even articulate how I feel about this. What are you doing? What are you doing?

Taking a tire. You taking my tire? Yes, sir. Is that what you're doing? Yes, sir. Is that right? Yes, sir. And why is that?

My tire is gone. Your tire is gone, so you're just going to take the other people's tire? Something like that. I don't think you're going to take it. I'll tell you that right now. Oh my God. Yeah, you just found a guy stealing his tire, but wait, it gets better. I'll tell you, I'm not going to take it.

You're picking up and you're going to hold it? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. All right. No problem. You don't do that to people's car. Okay.

The police coming on the way. All right, cool. People don't do that. Go to other people's car and just take it. Why are you talking to me and trying to distract me from getting it away, sir? Oh my God. He's like, what are you going to do? Are you going to carry your tire away?

It's just unbelievable. You know what? I'm just telling you. I'm just telling you that right now. You see this? Yeah. I got cops coming right now. I don't think you'd get far, but go ahead.

Yeah, dude. That's why I brought my truck here. Okay? Yeah. If I wanted to just steal your tire, I'm going to put it in the shopping cart. I think you just tried that though, right? So now he's like, if I was going to steal your tire, I wouldn't have brought my... I don't...

But he keeps talking. He keeps... You're not trying to steal your tire. You're not trying to steal my tire. No. Okay. I was going to take my rim off my truck and put it on your truck. Sure, sure, buddy.

Borrow it and then bring it back. Oh, okay. That's what it is, huh? That's what it is. Okay. That's right. Borrow it. We'll see.

That's why I drove my truck here. Yeah. You don't think I work my ass off of my truck, too? You don't think I work my ass off? Yeah. So why do you take my tire? Because... For sale, isn't it?

Yeah. So it's not used in every day? Yeah. So you just take it? There's actually some thought put into this. Oh, is that right? Yeah, there's plenty of thought. Okay, good guys.

I see that because you already brought your jacket and everything else. Yeah, I know. That's good. So I'm not trying to be a fucking... Just a thief. Really? Yeah. Because I work my ass off of this truck, man.

No, you're selling it. I'm selling it because you don't know my life. I know. You're gonna fucking borrow the tire, put my rim on your... On your... Yeah. Come back later today and swap them back out. He... hold on.

That's what I was gonna do. He was gonna take the rim out. That's all I was gonna do. Take the rim out. I was gonna take your tire, put my rim on your truck, then drive away, and then later come back and swap it back when I'm done using it. Yeah, dipshit. You're fucking so upset right now.

Plus, your truck is for sale. So why can't I take shit from it if you're gonna sell it? You don't even like your truck. You're not using it all the time. It's amazing. It's perfect logic. This guy is really hot. No, but...

What did you do? No. No way. No way. I don't believe that for a minute, buddy. Why not? Because it's hot. I wouldn't have driven my truck here.

Yeah. I wouldn't have given you that chance to fucking get me like this. Yeah. Okay, bud. Right? Think about it. Take about it. I was putting a shopping cart like I was going to earlier.

Sure. Think about it. Yeah, now, man. I still need to get out of here. Yeah. I asked, I don't know how many people back here use their phone today. Yeah. No, not nobody.

Yeah. Yeah. Cool, man. Really cool guy. That is unreal. Just the audacity of a human being to be like this. But the fact that I love that the guy saw him literally finishing up, taking the time. Crazy.

What are you doing? He's like, I'm taking this tire, dude. I'm taking this tire because it's for sale. The lie, too, of like, and then I was going to give you the rim and then you're going to... Just unbelievable. Like, why don't you just be like... But the only thing that would have made this sweeter is if we saw the police pull

up. Oh, my God. I would love to know that that guy went to jail. Like, those are people who I'm like, please tell me they're in a jail that doesn't feed their inmates or something. Never. In the Middle East somewhere. All right.

Or even it's like when you're... Let me know. This guy has been getting released. It's like when you are on the freeway and you see somebody zooming past everybody and speeding and the cop is fucking never there and you're like, I wish there was an app. But then one day it is. I know. But I wish there was an app where I could see who just got pulled over and you know it's

that person. So it's like satisfying. Yeah. Yeah. This guy is so dumb. Why didn't he just be like... He's just a piece of shit. Later.

This guy's just a piece of shit. You don't want your rim back? Is your thing for sale? Okay. Dude, have you ever had your rim stolen? I have on my old 87 Chevy Nova. They fucking took my rims and most fearless ones. Yeah.

He's really a dumb guy that thinks he's intelligent. Yeah. But this is the kind of guy too that you could see like he would issue the same explanation to the cops. Yeah. And then they'd be like... Drugs. Okay.

And then just arrest them and he'd be like, I mean cops are just out to get me, man. Yeah. It's never their fault. I gave them a totally reasonable explanation. Yeah. It's never their fault. Guy's such an asshole. Okay.

Why don't we take a quick break and we'll be back in a moment. And we are back with one of our all time favorites, the great Josh Potter is here. Hi Josh. There it is. Yeah. I haven't had a boner since the last time I heard this. It's been so long. By the way, you look much better.

I look better? Yes. That's funny. Well cool. I mean yeah, I cut my hair obviously. Yeah. I think it's a clean cut. It got really hot here in Los Angeles, California and so I got sick of it.

Yeah. I realized after the fact how ridiculous I looked, you know, I was like, oh, I was just letting everything grow everywhere. I have to say like, I like you falling apart, but I like this, this is a better look. And how is the cleanliness of your face? It's actually magnificent. It's still good. Yeah.

It's going great. Wow. I've kept it pretty orderly. In fact, yeah. It's just, it's ready to rock, you know, for sex and stuff, whatever. How's your sex life been? It's been all right. Yeah.

Yeah, here and there. I mean, it has put a bit of a hamper on things, but... How does most of the hooking up happen now? If you're not really... Now it's just straightforward. You know? Like online? It's an online thing?

No. It's like, well, I mean, if you know somebody or whatever, if you have... It's just kind of like, we're going to have sex, you know what I'm saying? Because it's like, there's no place to go. There's no pomp and circumstance or rituals or anything anymore. There's no bars. You can't just like, maybe we'll get a drink. There's no putting up airs.

It's... Wow. We're just going to fuck now. It's like zoom. It's like the zoom of dating. Getting right into it, man. It's better than zoom. It's pretty hands-on by comparison.

Yeah. I mean, like zoom meetings versus in-person meetings. Right. People like, just get to the point now. We're cutting the fat on the processes, just like the workforces are out there to realize we don't have to go to offices anymore, just like we don't have to go to bars anymore. We can just fuck. Yeah.

There you go. That's awesome. Speaking of fuck, we received your dick cage in the mail. Yeah, we left it at home. I thought you were going to say something else. We're both going to fuck you right now. I thought you were going to say something wrong. I thought you were going to say, I received your dick pic.

I'm like, no. No. Did I text something? No, we got your dick cage. So the whole idea, though, is to have you wear the dick cage and then bring in somebody that you find very attractive. I can't wait to see who you got. And then have them try to make your pecker heart so that you end up in pain.

That's the whole idea. I can't wait. No, I'm down. I want the pain part. I'm like, obviously not looking forward to, but the rest of it sounds fun. What if the dick cage is roomy? I haven't seen it yet. No.

What if you really like it? It's so heavy. What if I like it? I don't know about that. It's heavy, huh? Good. Really metal. What does it anchor itself to?

Is it just going to hang on my dick? Yes. Maybe to stretch it out. Yeah, it just hangs on there. OK. Yeah. So it's just weight. And it keeps it all in a weighted cage.

So it just hangs down. Yeah. So I might get a longer dick out of this. You might. That's a really, that's a glass half full kind of outlook. I like that. It's got a little stretch going. Yeah.

Have you used the tit cup since we've last seen you? Nope. I've got my same tit still that God gave me, have not put them back on. I did use them actually to film that video when I was one of the actors who was appalled at the racism and all that. Right. Right. I will not be silenced or whatever.

By the way, we should mention this because it's just so fresh. So when we stopped down, we just had a crazy call where on location, the people that hosted our live show called to be like, we cannot host this. This is 100% true, by the way. This is 100% true. This is not a bit. But to give you the backstory on this, this was brought to our attention as a possibility. And we said, you know, what we definitely want to do is do our show, add some elements,

and we want to go completely uncensored. Is that OK? The immediate response was, of course, like it's totally fine. And then we were like, no, no, no. I don't think you know. You're going to say fuck, right? Yeah. I was like, I don't think you know what we're talking about.

So I'm just giving you the full story. So I had Nadav and the boys put together a drop box that showed all the stuff that was in the live show. And I'm talking pussy punching. Pussy punching, shit in on McDonald's. Yeah. All kinds of crazy shit. We sent that to my agency who sent it to our location, who gave us the approval, the thumbs

up. They cleared it and they were like, yes, you can do this. So at that point, we were super excited. Then we put together the show. We do the show. We find out the night of the show that we broke all their records as far as like people buying and jumping on the service. So it's like huge success for everyone.

It's a huge success in that this is a new thing we can do. It's uncensored content, which is exciting to us. It's obviously it's beneficial to the people that are hosting it for us. Then you go through the weekend. People are still checking it out. And then I post this thing moments ago about like you do too about like, hey, you can still watch the show for a few more days at this link. And I get a message.

So this is urgent. And I go, what's so what happened? Well, they just called and said, we have to get this down. We cannot happen. Like, what are you talking about? So that is to tell you a couple of things. One, we're definitely going to keep doing the live show. But we're just working on a different hosting service for it.

So yeah, it just it kind of blew my mind. It's like, oh, so you let it slide for five days and then now you're like, they just watched it. Apparently. Well, it's very frustrating. No, because our on location rep during the show almost vomited and he told him that during the show. So it's like, yeah, this is frustrating.

But well, I mean, guys, you guys can't handle a little pussy punch or a little shitting on McNuggets. I mean, big fucking deal. What are we, you know, Amish here? Yeah. Puritans. I don't think they like that argument. Well, this is great.

I mean, like this is really crazy because now we have to find another way to make our live show air. Like this is nutty to me. So we got to get moving, too. I know. We actually, well, we had booked the next one and so now we have to see if there's another person that will host it, you know, my gosh, but it also makes us go like, we should host our own thing, but we have to build that.

That's the thing is we need the technology to do this live. Anyway, the whole other thing is a whole thing crazy. This is crazy that anybody cares. I mean, who knew too dangerous for the web. Caution tape. Caution tape. They said you couldn't put it online. Now we're back shitting on all kinds of food.

Well, that was the whole point of starting the podcast was like, you don't want to be on TV because they censor you on TV. Now we're on the show, and it's like it's this constant layers of trying to just do the show you want to do and be proud of it. Do you think that that guy, the rep that the person that called from the company just started the show and saw Pierce laying there with the thing that he was like, hey, so we need to get this off right now. Like he just watched the first 30s like his boss.

Yeah, the rep was like all about. He's like smoking cigars. Like I just made a shit ton of money. And then his boss is like, let's see what this is here. And then he's like, you fucking are. Oh, my God. Now that guy shit in his pants, making some McDonald's. So we're going to be doing it somewhere else.

Now, as always, I'm always excited when you come back because I feel like you not only entertain, but you educate the fans. Yeah, this is more well, it's it's multi layered. I thought I'd talk about perhaps Christina's two favorite things, sports and public masturbation. Yes, I like one of those two sports. But yeah, so I the first gentleman we have here is one that we could maybe sympathize with. His name is Reese McGuire.

OK, man is only 25 years old. When this young man, young man, when this incident happened, he was 24 years old. And, you know, I've already kind of alluded to what the theme of the topic is. But let's hear a little. We have a tape of Reese getting pulled over by a police officer in the folder there. Oh, my God, sure. Let's do it. So when the car pulled up there, you didn't know that they were watching you?

No. Doing what you were doing? No, I didn't know. OK. And when did you realize that that people were here other than like us knocking on the window? I didn't. I was just I was in the bar. And then at one point I was just I kind of was checking to make sure no one was looking like no one was around me.

And then at that point, I kind of got to move to my side. And then I realized what a dumb place to be. And now, you know, so Reese was in a parking lot nearby his apartment that he was in for spring training, and he decided to pull on over and start cranking it in his car in a parking lot, in a parking lot, like a store parking lot, like a strip mall. Yeah, it seems reasonable. Is it nighttime? It was daytime. Kind of early in the morning.

Oh, but here's my question. Have you ever publicly masturbated? And by publicly, I mean like in a dangerous situation. Like he wasn't necessarily beaten it in public. But I've tried to do it driving on the freeway before, but it's been a long time. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, as a comic, I feel like every comic has jerked off in a rest stop or something right along the way.

Right. Yeah, right. I'm not going to out anyone in the room over there, but I pulled the room before the show today. Yeah. Two people said they did not publicly masturbate. And one said that they did. And a dog did. Where'd you publicly masturbate? Well, I was a much younger person at that time.

But let's see, a drive home from high school. I did it one time then. OK. And then did you pull over or as you were driving? As I was driving. And you just shot it all over yourself. I forget where it went, but I remember not caring. Oh, I almost did the drive thing like you two. And then I thought, like if I crash in my dicks in my hand in a very mess,

they're going to be like, well, we know why he fucking drove off the cliff. Yeah, his pants are on his ankles and his dicks in his hands. You're going to find you that way. But plus the cleanup, I would worry too. How do you clean up as you're driving? You throw out the window. Yeah. OK. I think it's a car and someone's like, man, that was a big bug.

Wait, so what? That was a big one. One time in a car and then. And then the other time I was in a flight. Is this the forty five second one? I was in a flight to Israel and my mom and sister were were were in the thing. And I was like, I'm going to go to the bathroom for five to forty five minutes. At least you went to the bath.

And you jerked off in there. I did on the flight. I did to Israel to Israel. And when I got out of the toilet or no. Into some toilet paper. But I remember coming out of the of the bathroom and there was a line and all these Orthodox people, I think, heard me doing what I was doing because they were very upset.

Are you a loud masturbator? I mean, we are. But not for forty five minutes when there's a line. Wait, what do you mean, though? How did they hear you? Yeah, what they hear? Like they heard that they were waiting for forty five minutes. Like I was just in there for.

Oh, you could have been shitting. You could have been shitting. Yeah, I would assume. I thought you heard you like, oh, like you were making noises like that. Yeah. I mean, that's how I spit. Yeah, so disgusting. Like in a and I'm assuming economy class bathroom. So meaning that I like to remind you that I'm Jewish, Christy. But just I'm saying that it gets way more use than the first class cabin.

So, you know, filthy. Yeah, but I was in high school. Like, here's the thing. I don't give a shit where I am. I'm going to get the poison. Crank it out. Yeah. Well, that's why I feel bad for all of these here. I do too.

Oh, that's gonna be good. So should I play the next one? Well, yeah, there's there's you can hear more of the exchange with the cop. You can skip to the third clip. I've been who's recording this exchange? This is on the body cam. The body. TMZ got a hold of this down at the apartment next to the stadium.

Why would you come to a parking lot just to masturbate? I don't know. I mean, like, are you staying with other people at the apartment? Or there is. Yeah. Okay. And is it like a weird situation where you. It's like a studio. Yeah.

Okay. Why does the policeman have to know why he's cranking one? I think it's just to get in his head and find out if he's a fucking derelict or if he's just a kid making a mistake. Yeah, yeah. You know, so he's like, what are you thinking? Like, what kind of crime are we going to charge you with here? Exactly.

I thought I thought it was more like for his arousal. Like, why are you doing this? Maybe it was a little of that too. Tell me though. He's just strong. I always wanted to pull someone over like this. Yeah. Like, why do you want to know?

I'm not sure what goes on from here, but as far as, you know, like, I realized that I made a mistake of having my pants down and doing what I was doing. Cop my pants down, literally. If there's any way I can really learn from it, I feel like hopefully no one's harmed in fucking what they saw. How did they like, so that people. Someone called the cops that was saw him because he was like, he didn't do a good enough. He's just sitting in the fucking front seat jerking off.

Yeah. He's like outside the dollar store, like maybe looking at porn on his phone, you know. Jesus Christ. But now, I mean, again, he's a young kid. He made a mistake. He's the catcher of the Toronto Blue Jays. He's having a rough year. It's a little, it's fucking with him.

You know, he's charged with a misdemeanor, could be a, could become a sex predator for this. Jesus Christ. And also now he's getting trolled. Like the other day, he was playing for the break. Just shit talk is one thing, right? Like from other players, he was playing against the Braves and the organist for Atlanta played beat it when he was coming to the plate.

Oh, damn. That's messed up. Yeah. So it's like, he's got mental. Damn. So this gentleman, I feel bad for him. I do feel bad for him. I mean, it's a stupid thing to do, but I feel badly for him.

Yeah. Cause he's a dumb young kid, you know what I mean? And he's dumb young and. Full of cock. Not anymore. He emptied it out. Thank God. Do you think he nutted?

Do you think he nutted before? No. He was like, you think I just finished this? I'm already in trouble. I'm already in trouble, man. I just wonder because he had very like that sounded, all of that sounded like post-nut clarity coming out. Sure.

Like an idiot, all that stuff. So, you know, I didn't get a good look at his pants though. But here's the deal. Don't you think at least he could have covered with a blanket? You know what I mean? Like at least cover up. Yeah. But if you're like this.

You know what you need? You need one of those sun reflectors in the windshield. Yeah. Jerk off and then take it. Yeah. Well, these next. Good thinking, Tom. Good thinking.

I mean, there's plenty of ways you could have gotten around it. Yeah. Or like. I would have just denied out of my ass that I was masturbating unless I was like. And then I heard. Yeah, same. On the window as I'm like, oh, like he literally caught me with my dick in my hand. Yeah.

Same. I would have lied. I've been like, what? I was changing. I peed in my pants or whatever. I was peeing in this. I had to piss in this can or whatever. Yeah, I would have lied.

I was filming an episode of piss spots. Yeah. You don't watch piss spots, dude. So that is him on the last one, the six. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a video of him in the back of the car.

Is there any? I mean, is it is it for sure going to court kind of thing? Or. The second fact is it's a misdemeanor. I got people that saw it and we saw that we looked up and there's just whether or not go down to jail and you get to look them for a misdemeanor. What would we say? Hey, this person is reputable enough that we can give them a piece of paper.

We don't know where to be. Oh my God. See, the unfortunate thing about an incident like this is it could just be a young guy jerking off in a car. Yeah. It could lead to other things or could be a sign of other bad things that could go on from that person. So the cops have to figure out is this person just a fucking idiot or they fucking like.

Right. To generate menace to society like these next two folk that we have here. Yeah. The first one I was educated by you. So sort of Charles Haley story. I never read that Cowboys book until recently. It's amazing. And the fucking stories about this guy.

I mean, this one is very much more aggressive. Way more. And I mean, sure, it involves cranking it quite a bit in public. But this one, he wants people to see and he'd be like jerking it in the locker room and putting out a team meetings. He'd go up to Joe Montana and be like, you know, you want to suck this sweet ass Joe Montana. Jeez.

So you're saying that he would. He would aggressively walk up to people on his team and be like, check out this. Dick Ray. And then sometimes he would come. Yeah. He would. He would jerk the completion. There was incidents where they'd walk into a meeting room and he'd be on the floor just

being like, you know, you wish you had this and he'd be cranking his dick on the fucking thing. You know, he'd do it in the in the locker room to like female reporters and shit. So what kind of disorder is that? Well, they say that this is I had these quotes. Totally stable. Go ahead. I had these particular quotes because he was described as socially awkward and unflinchingly

vicious, which is a great way to describe him and also quite imbalanced. So those are like two ways that I think since his playing days, he's been diagnosed as bipolar or something. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, but this is before his what would have been probably his brain damage that he had actual personality disorder. Definitely.

Yeah. Yeah. He was also an excellent player. Yeah. He would murder quarterbacks and then he'd be like, suck this fucking dick. Yeah. But some people say suck my dick as just like a demeanor. Figuratively.

Yeah. He would actually pull his dick out. Show it to people. I want you to suck this shit. Which takes it to another level completely. And also. Almost the way that I respect. Yeah.

It helps too. It makes it even more like vicious and dehumanizing that it's a really big dick from what people are saying. Yeah. Fucking fire hose. Yeah. Really? Yes.

And that's what he was so proud of it. Yeah. Well, and also the football is such a homophobic sport, it's probably very powerful intimidation to him. Well, and it worked because he would be like, you looking at my dick faggot and he would be like, well, I can't help it. You're putting it in my face, Charles. As the guys trying to like go about his day, you know, could you imagine just like being

in you show up in the meeting room like, all right, guys, we're going to take a look at the Seahawks spread formation here. Oh, Charles, what the face on the back like, oh, it's on, you know what I'm saying. In his own team. If he wasn't good to like, he just would have been like cut. Yeah. But he's a star player at the time. And they're like, it's one of our best players always jacking off in front of everyone.

And he's doing it in a menacing way. They was like just, but it's not just jokey. That's menacing, you know. No, yeah. That's like in harassment. It's total harassment. Because there is the fun guy who shows his dong to people. You know what I mean?

Like there's always like the comic that's like chicken skin and shows you like a frat house. Yeah. It's the Burt. It's the Burt guy. Like his dicks out. Yeah. All the time.

Burt shows his dick. Burt exposes himself. Well, to be fair, I haven't seen it in a long time, but he was like, you know, he's a naked frat dude. OK. Yeah. But this is like, imagine if Burt was like, no, fucking look at it. Yeah.

If he was and then he was like, watch me come. I'd be like, hey, man. I mean, I think the watch. We got to record this. I think the watch me come. Watch me come is the wrong level. That's what it goes. I don't think he would say watch.

He would just do it. He would just come. That's the thing. God. The guys would laugh it off like he was frat boy Charlie over here. Yeah. But then he would jizz. And they'd be like, OK, that's a little.

That's what happened that time. My thing. I contact with Joe Montana while he comes. This was the 90s. Yeah. This was right now. It would be front page. Canceled.

Because that's what happened when my friend's little brother was jerking off. Did I tell the story on the show? Yeah. Jerked off in front of us. You don't expect people doing it for real. And then you see the jizz and you're like, oh, you weren't joking. Like that's a real. Yeah.

That's crazy. So Charles Haley did that. I mean, most of his offenses are against other men. So you can kind of be like, ha, ha, ha, you know, well, you don't know that. That's all you know about. Well, sure. He probably is doing that to women in his life. But I just like the idea of telling Joe Montana to suck his dick while he's.

That makes me smile. Yeah. I don't know why. It's fine. I'm just thinking of Joe Montana. Joe will be in there. He's got to be like, Charlie is in his personality. Yeah.

You know how quiet Joe, Joe, Montana is? He's just like, Charles is crazy, you know, he's got. He came in front of me today, which was weird and won the Super Bowl. So this next fellow, though. Oh, yeah, this was about this. This one is the most alarming story, especially because we're I'm closer in age, followed him like in college and into the NFL came from that family. Yeah.

So it's like all those elements, this becomes the most outrageous story. You know. Well, yeah, I mean, this one is legit psychopathic levels of like there were the early signs like he had moments like our boy Reese in the beginning where and for instance, like he was this is Kellen Winslow, Jr. for the record for those who don't know. He was a tight end. His father, legendary Hall of Famer, tight end, Kellen Winslow, Sr., both played for the Browns.

He was drafted by the Browns, you know, and I remember Kellen being at Miami, a hurricane. Yeah. And he was on the wasn't he on the 01, like the greatest team of all time? Oh, yeah, yeah. He was in that. That was like the air and he was drafted in the first round. I mean, he was. Yeah, he's big time.

Supposed to be a superstar and his father is a legend. So introductory season right after he's drafted, his father comes to Cleveland. They're supposed to do a photo shoot and stuff or like a video promo to be like the father and son, the legacy, blah, blah, blah. And so they show up at the team facility in Berea. The father's there, the Browns people are there. Kellen Winslow, Jr. is not there and they're like, huh, where is he? And they notice his hummers across the street at a guest parking lot.

And they're like, that's weird. So they sent one of the team people over to go check it out to see like, I wonder why his car is here. We haven't seen him, you know? He was in the backseat looking at porn, cranking it when he was supposed to be at an appointment. Yeah. That's a weird time. Yeah.

He just had to really get one out. And you know that that's just like some lackey that had to come back. Oh, the ball boy, the equipment guy. Yeah. So like the president of personnel, he's like, I don't have quite to say this, sir. He was in the backseat. I was in the backseat. He was taking a nap.

Well, not yet. But do you think that that guy had to knock on the glass and be like, no, I think he I think he peeked in and was like, I think he's I think he's jerking off. He probably was like, hey, Kellen, Kellen, try not to make him notice. Kellen, I'm over here. That story came to light very late in life, comparatively to when it happened because time went on and the man was still on the team for a couple of seasons. And notoriously, his teammates would request not to be his roommates

on the road and also to not sit with him on the plane because this man he was known to like Nadav, jerk off on flights only he wouldn't go to the bathroom. That's true. That is a nice thing that you did because I know a lot of people jerk off on planes, you know, a lot of people get off on planes in the high club. Isn't that not jerking off? That's not how you do it. Yeah, that's having sex in the bathroom.

Yeah, that's the mile high club. You know, a lot of people that jerk off on. Sure, I've heard male comics talk about jerking off under the blankets. And stuff, I mean, I think with a person next to you. Yeah, I'm sure I've heard this before. I feel like I've heard someone tell me. Well, I mean, then Kellen Winslow is not going to shock me. I know. I know of one story of a guy getting a handy from a stranger

on a flight like on a late flight from a guy. Yeah. Is that the story? That's the story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You actually know the guy. Yeah. And he got a handy from a woman he met on the flight. Oh, a woman. You said it was another. Yeah, that's the story. I know the guy. We know the guy and he got it from a stranger. OK, well, that's a blanket.

This isn't the case with Kellen Winslow, Jr. as he was going on business trips to other areas to, you know, with his teammates to compete in the professional game of football. Yeah, he would sit down and he'd be like, hey, what's up, Joe Thomas? And he would like pull out his DVD player and play hardcore pornography on it just in front of everybody. And then jerk off. Then jerk off.

Sometimes you just watch it, though, like it was a Marvel movie. And then they were like, hey, man, we're all here. Yeah. So those are just some of the tales that you hear about it. Kellen Winslow, Jr. on the road. And like Reese, you know, these things are like, well, that's a little weird. Well, Kellen Winslow, Jr., the reason he's being taken in handcuffs here is because he was convicted of a multitude of rapes. And many of them, all involving women above the age of 65 years old.

Oh, wow. That's an odd. I want to get the charges correct. That's why I'm going to look at my phone here, you know, Josh. You really know how to lift the mood in here. Geriatric rape. Yeah. And you think like I had a curiosity. I'm like, well, is this his fetish? Was this what he's into? It turns out this is just a classic case of preying on the vulnerable.

Sure. He was just raping whoever he could, really. Right. And they don't. Was he breaking into homes? Yes. That's. Well, let's let's go through the charges here. There's an array of them. And they again, they all have the same sort of bent to it being elderly women. So he will spend several years in prison

for raping a 58 year old homeless woman, exposing himself to a 59 year old woman in the middle of a spring day. And while she was in her garden, can you play the crying? Yeah, we can go through the charges. Also, he was making lewd gestures toward a 77 year old woman while she worked out. A jury remained helplessly deadlocked on eight other charges. Also, he was charged with breaking into the homes of two other women ages 86 and 71, where he was believed intending to rape those women.

So yeah, was he convicted on any of the rapes or just exposure? He was convicted on expo. Well, here we go is exposing himself to the 59 year old woman in the middle of the spring day, blah, blah, blah, the lewd gestures. So I guess in he's in part convicted. So some of the charges look up and down. So I don't know that. I guess maybe he didn't he didn't get charged for the rape.

Or can you look that up? Like, oh, I'm looking at it here. It says, though the jury splits were said to be in favor of guilt on all eight charges of actual rape. He's been charged with raping two more women. The incidents taking place 15 years apart. So yes, he was at least stuck and a long career, 15 years at least. Yes. So he's been doing this for I mean, this could have gone back to his college days.

Good night. Could have gone back to just be simple pro days. He also just like was in such an idiot. He like bought a I remember the first time I ever heard of this guy other than the draft was he bought a Hayabusa and just like never took lessons on it and just wrote it on a highway, like crash into a parking lot and stuff like that. What's a Hayabusa? You saw you saw that it says he pled guilty to the rape of an unconscious teen, right?

Oh, no, I did not see that in this article. I apologize. This says on November 4th, 2019. Oh, that's very recent. This article is not as. Yeah, it's pled guilty to the rape of an unconscious teen and sexual battery on a 54 year old hitchhiker as part of a plea deal. In exchange for his guilty plea at San Diego County Superior Court,

the court agreed to sentence him to between 12 and 18 years in prison rather than life imprisonment if he was convicted in retrial as part of the agreement, he will automatically be on lifetime parole immediately upon release. He waived his right to ever appeal any conviction or verdict in either trial. The best attorney said that his client suffered from frontal lobe damage and possible CTE while CTE could not be used as the defense in the trial. Brain trauma was cited by his attorneys and requesting the minimum 12 year sentence.

Clinical psychologists stated that Winslow had symptoms that were consistent with CTE. Yeah, you can't use CTE in a court because every football player or whoever does anything like CTE, man. Well, especially because it was 15 years ago, he's raping. He was also charged with felony first degree burglary. Bully. This guy's a real treat. And he's got he was arrested on kidnapping and rape charges.

This is really he's such a menace, like it's bizarre how long he got away, like the fact that it all rolled out. Good seeing you, man. Thanks for coming, Josh. We saw the spectrum. That's all, you know, we got we go from Reese. We should have started with Helen Winslow, Junior, maybe got him out of the way and then ended on a happy note like Reese Maguire, who's just the poor guy

trying to get a nut off when he's got three roommates during spring training. That is that that's very different, actually. It is so different. Thank you, Josh. Yeah. They throw him in together. Yeah, by the way, with, you know, usually we're thinking about having but plugs, obviously, on the cap. Right where you sat, there was a man with a butt plug.

Oh, I saw. Yeah. He had that post in his butt. Yeah, it goes in his butt. Well, would you was is there a dollar amount you would do like a chill, not so hard or hardcore gay scene? You know what I mean? It's a gay scene, man. Like, so it's just you and a couple of guys.

And you're just like, yeah, you're just watching like a Buffalo Bills game. OK, that's the scene. And then, like, one of the guys, yeah, one of the guys just reaches over and he's like, man, you seem real tense. You're like, well, this is my favorite team. And then you get to keep watching the game and these two guys blow you. OK, you know, I'm not like homophobe or anything like that. I just don't know that I would get.

I would be able to perform in that in a gay arena. But he's saying that they blow you. No, yeah, yeah, saying you would have to get erect for that's the thing. I don't I would. I would be here to thank you. They give you a Viagra and you're that would help. OK. And then. But is there a dollar amount you would need to do that? And think really think about it. And don't be like one million dollars.

No, I wouldn't. I mean, I like I'm the other way around. You have to be like, oh, really, that's the amount like 20 grand. Come on, dude. I have a little pride. Yeah, I'm trying to think maybe like a six figure amount. Oh, like 100,000. Yeah. It's a lot of money. It's a good amount of money. It's it's more than women make for doing that kind of thing or gay porn.

So I would say the going rate for something like that would be like four G's. Four G's for like a regular. Right. For a regular performer. What about to do what Pierce did for the opening of our live show where we put that butt plug in you. Oh, that's fun. I would do that for. Fun. Jeez.

No, I mean, I don't think we just found our next cold. I've done I've done a lot of fucked up shit like that. Would you get pegged? I mean, would I get pegged? It depends on the size of the thing. And small, small. Yeah, I would. I would entertain a small apparatus. I mean, the thing is, I don't think.

Don't forget, you have to clean yourself out. Pierce had to clean himself. No, I know I've I've recently experimented with a young lady who had the desire to do those types of things. We never got around to it. But we've we what's the word like breached the area, you know, like went through the steps. So, you know, I'm not adverse to it, I suppose.

OK, you breached the steps. So what are you talking about? You know, like a finger and like a teensy little toy. She put a finger in your behind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And a little tiny toy. Were you nervous about that? I mean, I made very. I mean, this was all plotted out.

So I made very like. Extraordinary plans to like make sure that that wouldn't happen. How's that? I just didn't eat the day before I had a surprise finger. Last time it happened to me was 20 years ago, and it was a surprise finger, and it was very chocolatey when it came out. Really? That's why I don't. I did that to a lady one time, who was it was a surprise finger on my part.

Sorry, toots, but came out a little chocolatey as well. And I was like, yeah, put it on the her bed, you know. Yeah, yeah, I actually so I returned the. Shit, too. I've told the story. I returned the favor and gave her the the finger. And then just remember going to bed and waking up and I saw chocolate dried on my finger that I didn't realize the night before.

I smelled it. You didn't lick it off like Cheeto dust. Now I was like, oh, no, I just ran to the bathroom and washed it off. Dude, did you slap with that? Slap with the chocolate. You have to be aware of that, too, because you don't want to put it up in her. That's right, I have to ruin her life.

True. Well, my deck was in her vagina, so it wasn't really a concern. Which horror was this? Oh, no, she was nasty. So all right. Yeah, so you're doing cameos. Oh, yeah, you know, we got the cameo going. We got the twitch going, you know, anything to stay alive during the time of no stand up.

Yep. I don't. Maybe this is my life forever. I'm starting to feel that way. I don't know when I'll do stand up every time. Yeah, but do you think you'll do it again? I really want to. I really want to. Me, too. I miss it a lot.

It's what sucks is I got these phone calls about like, oh, by the way, I haven't canceled dates. If you like some people were like, you cancel, I didn't cancel anything. Me, neither. I find out from people who bought tickets. They tell me that it's better canceling it. So I had a supposed to do shows, I think next week and that got canceled. And it's not happening. All my dates have been.

I had things that were going to happen in August, September. They got moved to November, December. In some cases, January, February. Then I had like a tour, like a big tour planned for January. Initially, it was moved to April. I found out last week I got a call. They're like, hey, your April dates, like your April, May stuff that we had moved from beginning of the year.

We moved it to July because that's like a big place. So that's like, yeah, big, a big venue. And they're like, so now that touring starts in July. So a year from now. Yeah. Yeah. So everything I'm doing, everything I have is pushed also. I have November, but who knows? Yeah. And so we'll see.

But yeah, Twitch and Cameo hit me up on those things. There you go. Let's rock and roll. All right. Thanks for coming by, man. Thanks for having me. Sorry about Kellen Winslow. That was horrible.

And we're back. That was a really uplifting segment with Josh. It's nice to hear about people raping the elderly. You don't get to hear about it very often. I know. And when you do, you usually put it out of your mind. And now it's right there in the front. Yeah. Thanks, Josh.

It was really nice. Yeah. So one of the things we wanted to do is call Top Dog to get his feedback on it because he was really, he was like, I could tell he was in his element. He was the star of the show. Let's be real. People really enjoyed seeing him for the first time and also getting to know him a little bit better.

It was cool. Yeah. It was really cool. And he's the hidden gem here. We're going to have to talk to him. Yeah. Hello? Dad. Hey, buddy.

How you doing? Good. How's it going, man? Oh, just another day in Groundhog Day. You know, I actually went to the hospital this morning. Made even my blood work was really good. Oh, great. Great.

It's good to hear, man. We were just talking about how much fun we had on the live show and how what's that? It was fun. Yeah. So I was calling you to see if you had a good time doing it. I had a great time doing it. Yeah, because the fans really enjoyed you.

They also noticed that Mom was pretty lit for that. Lit? She was a barn fire, OK? Yeah. Yeah. Lit on it, yeah. Yeah. How much did she drink?

Yeah, how much did she drink? Well, you know, there's a couple of secrets in life. How much gold there is in Fort Knox and how much she had to drink that night. OK. I think she had two and a half glasses. Holy shit. That's for her, is it?

It's like saying two and a half bottles. It is. It is. I mean, this is a person I've seen kind of get goofy on a half a glass, OK? It's crazy. And yeah, it's crazy. It's just her tolerance.

Plus I don't know how much. Yeah, it is. It's always been like that. I remember. It's always been like that. I saw her one time just completely hammered, and it was off of, I think, two glasses of wine. And I mean hammered.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, just I don't know what goes on in a little body of hers, but wow. It's amazing. Top dog, I had a question, a follow-up question from the live show. Yeah.

Charo's attitude towards the male genitalia seemed a little less than positive. How does that make you feel? Well, you noticed that. I noticed that on her, honey. OK, and you're like, this is going to be a problem. I noticed that. Yes, I noticed that.

Yeah, yeah, she really describes it as a monstrosity. She thinks it's disgusting. That's, those are, she didn't quite use those words personally, but she more is in the yuck kind of a category. Right. But all women are ultimately saved by orgasm, and if they can get there, OK? OK.

So anyway, what was your favorite clip that we showed you? Well, you know, I have seen, I haven't seen stuff like that, as I said in the show since the Shelby County Fair when I was 16 years old. I saw some things in the Philippines once, too, which I didn't want to insult the Filipino community, but I thank you. Could you tell me what you saw in the Philippines?

The lady banger. What's that? Oh, you said the lady banger at her puss? Yeah, that was, that was, I needed to do a double take on that one. That one traumatized me, too. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, first thing I saw when I saw that, I said, you know,

she's probably not a virgin, OK? Yeah, that's true. That's my first thought. Do you want me to send you that video? I can text it to you. No, that's OK. That's OK. It's permanently ingrained in my mind, you know?

There are certain things, you know, there are certain things in life that you just don't forget. Yeah. That's one of them. Wait, what did you see in the Philippines? What did you see in the Philippines? That's not good. I mean, you just happen to be there.

I don't think it's insulting to the Filipino people. Well, we were in a bar in Longopo, which is outside of Civic Bay. And this Filipino girl convinced this guy that if you blow on someone's asshole, blow air, it keeps them from shitting on top of them. And he saw for that one, OK? So wait, what happens then?

How does this play out? She shit on me, OK? Who's he talking to? Is he watering or something? She's laying down there. And he's blowing on her asshole as much as he can. And the whole idea was that would keep your asshole from opening up.

And people pay to watch this, OK? And you guys saw it. And oh, yeah, I saw that. And so wait, so he sits under her and blows air like. Oh, yeah, he's laying down. She's laying down. He's laying down there under her. So no, she's not laying down.

She's seated. She's seated, yes. She's kind of squatting over him like that. He's laying down on the stage, OK? And then he's blowing air up at her asshole. Blowing up, he's blowing air up her asshole, thinking that that's going to keep her from shitting. Right, that's the gag.

And then she just shits right in his mouth. And it swells on his face, I think. Yeah. He was able to close his mouth fairly quickly. But, you know, that was. Was that a friend of yours? No, no, it was not a friend of mine. But, you know, I was in those days, I was an officer.

So I'm not supposed to do those kind of things. I just stood back there and watched it. But when you get a bunch of sailors and marines who've been on ship where there is no alcohol for, like, weeks, they're all scanty. They have no tolerance for alcohol at all, OK? And suddenly, and they haven't seen the woman. They ain't women on ships in those days.

So two things are at play here. Haven't seen a woman for months and haven't had a drop of alcohol for months. Oh, my God. Now it makes sense. You're in a bar with lots of alcohol and, you know, and. I definitely would have been that guy. I would have been that guy.

I would have been like, I get to blow air in your asshole. She would like, and then I won't shit. And I'm like, ah, let's see. Yeah. But the, but the, you know, the Shelby County Fair, of course, it's the first time I ever saw a woman's vagina was in Shelby County Fair. Nice.

And, you know, my opening round is, you know, ping pong balls be shot at and then they put the cigarette in there and they smoke the cigarette. I mean, this is kind of wild that the Shelby County Fair has this, only because in my mind, we're going back to a different time. This had to be like late fifties, early sixties. And I just don't imagine. This was 1966.

This was 1963 in September at about five fifty seven p.m. And you, I mean, so was it, was it all was the old days? Yeah. But was this a derelicts there? Like all ant toothless rednecks or what? No, what there was, there's, well, they had just Shelby County is a lot of country people, but, you know, it was a lot of a bunch of us from Louisville City.

We went out there because I mean, there are other things in the fair besides that. But I don't remember what else was the fair besides that. You know, yeah, I was kind of, but I mean, I'm sure there was a Ferris wheel, right? Like, like there was a normal fair where you could win prizes and then a Ferris wheel and then there's a tent and the woman is shooting a ping-pong.

Exactly. There's a tent. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. Cool. Well, look, um, the cops have shut this down years ago, but at that time this

is, this is going back to good old boy days. Okay, so look, I really would love to do another live video thing, probably with just you. And I think we'll get, um, we'll get your headphones and a better mic and everything just to like enhance the production of it. But we'll definitely do that again. Okay.

Well, that'd be fun. Okay. That'd be a lot of fun. Yeah. And we'll show you more cool clips and everything. Okay. All right, man. Oh, yeah, yeah.

That's when you take care. I love you. Okay. Bye-bye. I love you. God, the stammering when people are like, oh, yeah, I was like, Jesus Christ, spit it the fuck out. I think you need to crank another one now.

God. Well, I think you're just, he's your dad. So it's probably annoying for you to hear him talk, you know? Is that what it is? I don't know. When they're your parents. I mean, did you get how that was annoying or no? No, no, that was like a pretty normal.

Oh, okay. Pretty normal talk, Doug. Yeah, I liked it. But I mean, I think that's like how you and all your siblings are towards your parents in general. Like what seems like a tolerable tech check to me would get you guys piping at the top of your lungs. Cause my sister flipped out, right?

She flipped out exactly the same way I've seen you flip out on your parents. It's like, oh, okay. So this is just like how they are. This is the family dynamic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, my younger sister says the craziest shit to my parents. What is she saying? Just super.

I mean, really insulting. Like she'll be like, no, if I didn't know you guys were so fucking stupid, I wouldn't even be like, she'll say crazy. Oh my God. Yeah, the one thing I do, he just takes it. The one thing I did see that really made me laugh was on a cruise one time and your little sister and your dad, your dad was going into kiss, your little sister on the cheek and she's like, God, dad, your breath.

And then like shoved a piece of gum and he's like, yeah. Thank you. Like he doesn't even flinch. He's got dad mouth. Serious dad mouth. Yeah. But he has, he's a true dad in that he has dad mouth. He likes the news, which real dads love knowing what's going on in the world.

That's what you do every morning. You wake up and you need to know the news. What's going on in the world. That's what a dad does. I read some articles get my dick. Can you believe what they're doing? And then you do your dad farts this morning. You farted and Ellis was like, dad farted.

There's dad farts, dad news, dad chairs. There's a whole dad culture out there. I farted so good the other day that I almost jerked off to that. Because it was such a, it was such a relief. Such a good one. It was so loud and it was, it was so powerful and base that could feel it like stretching out my asshole because it was such a strong fart. And it was such a relief that I was like, I almost want to jerk off to how good

that can you jerk off to a good part. You definitely can. I've talked to people and you can. It was pretty amazing. Um, can I tell you what I feel is a bit of a waste in the world? I get upset when I sit down to pee. And then because I'm pushing to pee, the farts sneak out. I feel like you lose credit on those pee farts.

You know what I'm saying? Cause I could have entertained you or the children with them and no one's there. I know. Well, that's why men are at an advantage when we're at a urinal because sometimes we'll be at a urinal and we'll pee in someone with fart. And then sometimes you have to, sometimes it's thought of as rude, but sometimes people will be like, that's a pretty good one. No, really?

One time I was peeing and there was an old guy next to me. He farted at the urinal and he goes, that one snuck out, you know, the old guy. Do you, I would kind of secretly really enjoy that though. Yeah. No, yeah, I was like, yeah, that's cool. It's like a bonus when a guy farts at a urinal, right? Yeah, yeah. That's pretty cool.

Yeah. I mean, but you kind of hold it too, right? Like in some situations, if you're at a urinal, you're not like, I'm not push as far out, it's like kind of sneaks out. So, but you're saying you always go for it? Dude, I'm in a urinal full of dudes. You'll just fart? Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. What? I mean, no, I'm not insulting you. That's what you do. I bet you a million dollars, Chris does not do the same. Chris, do you push out farts at a urinal to let the other guys know? I must certainly do that.

You do? Wow. I'm in the bathroom. I mean, it's the one place you should be farting. Wow. Wow. It's a no shame at all. Women are not the same.

Absolutely no shame. Wow. Yeah, I'm a little, I'm a little hesitant at times. I mean, like, sometimes I'll just, I'll still fart, but I'm saying, I won't just be like, I don't give a shit. Like, you know, oh. Yeah, I'll be embarrassed. And women do not, women don't really like to fart while they're browning in

public either. Like we get nervous and shy around each other. It's not common to let it loose. So has anyone ever genuinely complimented your fart like a stranger? Well, you're peeing? Well, in any situation. Me? No, either of you.

Oh, I don't think so. No, it happens in the bathroom. And if you want to get one of those really good feel, I mean, like I wrote on that good feeling for like at least two, what happened? You farted and like I farted just for me. I wasn't doing it for anyone. Yeah. And then you fart out and then the guy like two urinals over for me because it

was that there was the buffer urinal. Yeah, I was like, dude, nice. Yeah. Like, fuck, yeah, it was nice. Yeah, that's pretty cool. It was great. I'm going to start going for it more. I think you should.

I think you're like, I'm going to start going for it more. You used to remember when you gave up, it was the year of farts like 2017. I have farted at many a urinal. I'm making the point that I put a little thought into some of those farts before they come out. That's all. My greatest fart is everybody knows who's a fan of the show was the Cincinnati Farts that happened when I was five months pregnant in 2018 during your

cousin Jeanette's wedding. Yeah. Yeah. We were in Cincinnati hotel room and I stood up to get out of the room and I stopped in the doorway and I ripped the longest, nastiest part of my life. It was so nasty. And that was really cool. That was the coolest fart I ever had.

What's your coolest part? I don't know. You don't have bitches looking for me. I'm ready. This is this is what I wait for all the episode. Okay. Here we go. You don't know your coolest fart.

Not yet. Here we go. Wake up, people. We're fighting a war. Which went good and evil. I will die standing before I kneel. I will only kneel for my creator. The rest of you can kiss my natural American ass.

And before you say anything, the Supreme Court has made it to where you don't need a license to, I had someone tell me this earlier and I figured I'd pass it out there to all of you who are on suspension. He looks cool. The Supreme Court has made it totally legal to you to drive for commerce like food, groceries, whatever. And with your local government's permission to be a driver if you're working. The Supreme Court did that?

Interesting. God bless America. Pray for our president. Stop falling for the bullshit. Yeah. I didn't know the Supreme Court rules. Everybody with this perspective looks like this. Like people who think like this have a look.

A hundred. And it's usually shitty wrap around shades, no neck and talking in circles. That was complete nonsense. Nonsense. And red bleeding gums. I've noticed that they don't floss very well. As I like to say, great talk. He got it.

I created the fucking earth and worked my fucking ass off and have had happen and been through and fucking done shit that fucking I could fucking prove it and I can do a lot fucking more than that. And my fucking kids get taken and I get told to live under a fucking bridge. Wow. Spoiled rotten little fucking bitches, dude. Every last one of you. You should see what the fuck I can do.

Oh, in this video, in my words, just probably just fucking sent you through the fucking roof. Duh, no shit. That's why everything is through the fucking roof because you're all fucking using and running around and doing shit that you don't fucking need to. These are really intense talks this week. Thank you. You know, Tom, as usual, I have my finger on the pulse of the world and people are angrier and angrier these days.

This one made me, I'll tell you, this really makes me uncomfortable. This guy seems like he's a real problem. He's a real problem. All of his talks are in this vein of anger, rage. The last one was that he invented the remote controls and he's being controlled. So this is totally out of his mind. Okay. He has kids?

Uh, not anymore, as you can tell. 01:51:54,020 --> 01:51:54,420 All right. I need to kind of shake this one off. 01:51:55,700 --> 01:51:56,660 Jumping forward here. Sure. Happy birthday to my brother, Thomas.

Happy birthday, Thomas. And Russ is in the pool. So we may- Yep, and I'm in the pool. Just hang out. Hi, guys. And hello. And how are you today?

He's, in case you didn't know, they're in the pool. He's in the pool and he's saying happy birthday. Yeah. This is a continuation of Pool Mom, where she gave them kisses last week. And now this week, they're saying happy birthday. All right. I'm going to move on. I hope y'all don't mind me saying 2020 Trump, bitch.

There you go. It's cool endorsement. Another pro-Trump-y guy. Yeah. Lots, like you said, all very similar. There's a really cool look over there. Yeah. Politics on talk has a real look.

Yeah. There's no Confederate flag behind him. He looks really cool. He's a really neat guy. Great talk. Girls like me. All the girls find me. All the girls like me because that's the way I roll.

Yo. All the girls like me because that's the way I roll. All the girls love me because that's the way I feel. The girls love me and I like all the girls that could have. What? Don't be a hater, Tom. All the girls like him.

Maybe you could take a little page out of his book and be romantic and write me a song. Get rid of that. Okay. Homegrown. Yeah. This is an old song. Teddy bear, teddy bear.

He's so right. He's so right. Yo. He's teddy bear. Yeah. Yeah. He's teddy bear. And that's his homegrown because he's teddy bear.

Is there a song called? Is this like a real song that he's just singing? I don't know. I don't know. I'm just kidding. He's like, is this a country song? Don't look at me like that. Is this a song?

Is this last one the fucking same thing? I don't know. What is it? I don't mean, what do you want? It's bringing me joy. Okay. This was a piece of my heart from when I was building Mars and my heart was chiseled with the pickaxe

and it was turned in, this was turned into a necklace and was wore around by somebody and it was broke off and lost. And it washed up in the creek and my brother found it. Recently. Did he eat it? Did he eat it? This is my heart. That would be pretty funny.

But that is neat that he found a rock from Mars. I mean, most people don't do that. He's a space traveler, Tom. Okay. By the way, I want to make this point real quick because it's a roller coaster with this live show thing. If between now, when we record this and when this is posted, we have a new home for it, we'll put it here on the show.

You know what I mean? If we figure this out, like after we record this, if anybody wants to find the new home of it, we'll try to throw it right here. You know what's so funny is that we just keep getting fired. Like, remember when we got fired by McDonald's? We had to give back 2.5 million dollars. We got fired from Morton's and now we're getting fired from these people too.

What they're called? Yeah, yeah. And check the description for the link of wherever we hope it ends up. Yeah. They fucking fired us. They told us Friday that we had broken their records and today they're like, we can't have, we can't work with you. Even though we approved of what you did.

That's crazy. It's not fair at all. And look, McDonald's too. I mean, they should have done their vetting. Yeah, but we got them back with those nuggets. We got them. And it was Uncle Terry that pushed them over the limit. That's true.

That's true. Well, anyway, we're going to figure it out, guys. We're going to get back on the air uncensored. We're going to figure out a way. We keep getting fired, but we're going to figure out a way. I should send those people my soundboard and be like, is this the problem? And it's just, it says guys coming is one of my page.

Yeah. Play out, Asner. We haven't heard him come today, have we? Many times. Many, many times. That's where it spits. All right, we got to wrap it up. You guys, it's a lot of fun.

Thank you as always for listening, for watching. We cleaned up some of the store at merchmethods.com. If you go to merchmethods.com slash Tom Segura, there's new stuff there. And yeah, we'll try to solve this live thing. We're definitely doing more of them. So we will be back with you soon. Have a great night, day, week.

Goodbye. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat.

Fat. Fat. Fat is coming working today. I'm doing a fat shame beyond belief. Yeah. I'm not a fool. Fat. Fat.

Fat. Fat. Fat. 01:58:15,300 --> 01:58:17,300 Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat.

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Fat. Okay.